#Great Kills Road
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Another page of the zine I’m working on. All the copies will be with just a photo or scan of this bc I’m not sewing 16 of these things. I might keep this one in the og book or might use it as a patch on my jacket.
#The teeth are from a road killed coyote my great aunt found btw ty great aunt for being my ethical source of bones#my art#traditional art#crafts#Sewing#patches#linoprint#diy#diy punk#diy patches#amigo the devil#the patch is one of the leftovers I had from my ATD prints btw it’s the volume one cover art
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At the end of Agatha All Along, Agatha does things would have never done at the beginning. I see people say that they planted seeds for Agatha changing that never grew and that's just wrong. They might not be a tree but they've sprouted. In the beginning Agatha does everything for personal gain. But at then end Agatha has nothing personal to gain from telling Jen she bound her. There's no personal gain in her helping Billy find Tommy in the end or comforting him or helping him unlock Tommy's location. She has changed its just not huge or a dramatic personality change.
#agatha all along#agatha spoilers#agatha harkness#william kaplan#jen kale#now i think jen being bound by agatha is the truth? maybe? idk i can see it all ways. past agatha would definitely bind a witch for#money or power. but also incould see her lying to get jen to unbind herself cus the cards said she was bound willing or unwilliny#(something like that i cant remember the exact wording) i can see both but agatha doesn't matter Jen does.#she unbound her self and got her power back.#ive also seen people say jen was gonna hunt billy down cus he made the witches road and... why? if billy wasn't there agatha would have#never needed a coven and she would have still been bound. then even if she went to the witches road Agatha would have just killed her#if billy didnt actually create the witches road. yeah it wasnt great but its not like billy willing did it. it was instinctive magic.#some of yall need to go take a ela class#but i cant stress this enough THIS IS NOT THE END! the mcu is interconnected and agatha rio billy maybe jen will all be back#mcu
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The Great was one of those shows that could have great but in the end resorted to being merely good.
#the great#i said what i said#thinking about the show again#all fans talked about when they talked about the show was the love story#catherine the great- a famous historical figure who famously despised and probably most definitely killed her husband#a cynical tale about people in power who try to change things for the better but when change becomes as a threat to their power they#then revert to crushing it#now reduced to an enemies to lovers au#where her husband in real life was reduced to a footnote. everything she does in the show ends up having peter all over it#i'm not saying i hated the love story- but ahhh after reading a collection of essays on her she had such an interesting tale!#also elizabeth had a WAY more interesting story- she opened the university of moscow and modernized russian roads ffs#as well as outlawed capital punishment#she walked so catherine could run. AND she was empress of russia too#now elizabeth in the show is reduced to a grieving batty mother who works hard to maintain the status quo#none of the other women in the show outside of mariel have any interesting arc either
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fuck it im NOT gonna specialize in concrete and steel constructions. imma choose bridges, roads and railways
#just had a conversation with roommie and we agreed that regular constructions suck so bad#+ already starred making plans how after getting the engineer degree we're gonna taake a half year break before going fot masters jdjshs#because no way we're gonna go back to uni right after graduation#that being said those are some great plans considering we're currently getting killed while on our 3rd year#but honestly the specialization choice is actually so damn easy#projects from bridges roads railways - fun! and projects classes are with nice lecturers!#projects from constructions - boring as fuck and literally worst people have project classes there#there is also geotechnics but we don't talk about geotechnics
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This song is making me want to start yet another fic to never finish,, "Tell me... Where is your hideout? Who are we running from? I'm starting to think that you were right, and now I'm afraid of letting go of your hand...." Maul giving up on his Mandalore plan and deciding to just stalk Kenobi to tell him about his vision. Staying illegally in Obi-Wan's room because I love putting these guys in situations (and because Maul would NOT leave him alone until Obi-Wan actually accepted Maul is right, which he won't). Following Obi-Wan to Utapau and helping him escape after the clones attack, feeling equal parts vindicated and enraged (because he was proved right but Sidious still won). Them being on the run together....
#hm i should make an original post tag#maul#obi-wan#obimaul#<- probably but not necessarily. i can write non shipping fics i swear.#song is jamoga by selvagens à procura de lei#i love the original version but the acoustic version with roberta campos is also really really good#that part up there is the chorus and not the only part that's giving me fic vibes but it's the best example#''we were two winding roads seeking each other through separate ways... i thought you had blamed me‚ but no one had trapped me..#you were the only one I could call the only one‚ and yet.. i stopped calling your name....''#<- part that also makes me Think#back to story ideas i am also thinking about maul faking padmé's death on mustafar (with magick. because it's fun)#and padmé moving in with the larses. pretending to be beru's sister. raising luke there‚ both of them in hiding.#she would enjoy the simple life. it reminds her of her youth in naboo‚ before she became queen.#[... meanwhile maul and obi-wan are fighting for their lives]#i am a huge sucker for enemies to friends (to lovers) with these two#and i think having to live together in a small ship and shitty space hotel rooms would be great for bonding (joke)#(but i'm still shoving them in there)#what's more fun than roaming the galaxy with your worstie because you're both hiding from the government#bickering the entire time because you still lowkey want to kill each other#jamoga au
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i genuinely hate driving so much its like playing fnaf 50/20 mode but if you mess up you cause thousands of dollars of damage and/or die in real life. also if you follow the law precisely people get mad at you
#got yelled at so much yesterday that i started disassociating and then got yelled at even more for “not focussing on the road”#my brother in christ do you want me to crash and kill us???? because that is a great way to do it#also if you feel unsafe then let me pull over and we can switch??? why did you make me drive the entire way???#vent#<- the tags got a bit goofy huh
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It’s not until she hears Sissel’s knees hit the floor that Efri is jolted back into her body.
She blinks, whipping her head around. Sissel is kneeling, bracing a palm on the ancient stone pavement, at the barrier – no, the barrier’s gone, it’s just Sissel on the floor. She lifts her head and meets Efri’s eyes; her hair is wispy and wild, the little plaits meant to keep it neat come loose and tumbling, her eyes wide. The barrier's gone, but still, her pale face is lit up blue.
“Are you okay?” she asks. She doesn’t speak loudly, but it echoes in the great stone chamber.
Nine, Efri doesn’t know.
She blinks again, looks down at her hands, clinging to the metal stick so fiercely that her joints ache. (Her own stick, her nice wooden one, is still on the floor somewhere, where it slipped out of her grasp when she hit the wall.) The lumpy heavy end of it, the clobbering end, is still resting on –
Not on. It’s in the thing’s head, fitted neatly in the opening of its dented helmet, the horns spiralling over the floor. There’s a tooth, perfectly preserved, by Efri’s foot.
One by one, she unwraps her gloved fingers from the handle of the metal stick, letting it drop to the floor with a clang so loud it makes her wince. Kazari is nosing at her side. (When did they let go of it? When did they get so close? She must have missed that. She feels out of the loop. Her heart is juddering like fish on a line, battering like some frightened trapped thing at her ribcage, and her breath is coming fast and heavy.) Absentmindedly bringing up a hand to press over her sore shoulder, she says, “’M fine. Not too – barely touched me.”
Kazari turns and spits on the floor. Efri blinks. She does it again, tongue lolling out of her mouth, face very disgruntled – and oh, Efri gets it. She does not glance down at the thing at her feet; she doesn’t need to, she knows what its arm looks like, chewed almost to pieces even through its banded armour. (If she hadn’t been so busy being scared of it, that sight might have made her a bit scared of Kazari. But not now, when they’re trying to hack and spit the taste of dead man arm out of their mouth.)
Efri unclips her canteen from her belt and holds it out. “Here,” she says. Her voice is rough. Her heart is racing too much to let constructing sentences be easy. “Not much, but –”
Kazari stands still while Efri tips half of the remaining water onto her tongue, and then Efri watches her swilling it around in her mouth, trying to bathe all of her teeth in it, before she spits it again on the floor at the dead thing’s feet.
The water is still clear. That’s something, at least; the dead man was too old to still have blood in him. Or maybe he was embalmed, drained of it hundreds of years ago, thousands.
“Are you okay?” Efri asks Kazari when they’re done, because they were the one doing most of the fighting, who was closest. They tip their head, shift their weight – wince when they put weight on one foot. Their lips peel back from their teeth. Their clothes on that side are singed.
Efri points it out. “Your robe,” she says, which makes it sound much fancier than it is. She’s too tired to think of a better word. She rubs a hand over her face, pushing the hair back over her forehead, says, “I’ll reinforce it for you when we get out.”
Kazari noses at Efri’s shoulder – the shredded fabric of her dress, the fraying edges stained with blood. Efri says, “I know. I’ll have to sew that up too.” Over her shoulder, she calls, “Kazari’s leg’s hurt, I think.”
“There’s blood on you,” Sissel replies. She peels her hand off the floor and leans back on her heels.
Efri touches her shoulder again. “’S fine,” she says. “Just a scrape. The blood’s drying already.”
It’s really sore, actually – the flesh abraded and tender, an ache sinking deep into the muscle – but it’s normal sore, the kind of sore you really should be after being thrown into a wall. It doesn’t feel sprained or dislocated or anything like that. Just like it will be bruised a whole rainbow of colours come tomorrow.
Kazari noses at it again. She leans too far forward and falters on her maybe-hurt leg – rights herself, wincing, and rolls her shoulder. It gleams, just for a moment, and she nearly stumbles again. Efri puts out a hand to steady her. (It doesn’t really accomplish anything – Efri’s strong, but she’s not that strong – but it’s the principle of it.) “What was that spell?”
“Pain relief,” Sissel says from behind her. “I think. Doesn’t actually fix anything, but.”
“You’ll be okay ‘til we find someone?” Efri asks, and Kazari nods. She presses a hand against their shoulder and nods back.
They both turn to look at Sissel, then, who’s just kneeling on the floor, sitting on her heels.
“You all right?” Efri asks her.
“All right,” Sissel confirms. She doesn’t look at them. “Didn’t even come near me.”
She’s staring.
Efri crosses the floor to stand with her. (She needs to lean on Kazari – her legs are too wobbly, and she doesn’t want to touch the dead thing’s stick, doesn’t want to look for her own. Kazari limps a little on their sore front leg.) There’s a moment of total, humming silence – all of them still and staring, necks craned back, looking up at the thing.
Whatever it is.
It’s a ball. Big and blue and shimmering, it floats above a wide crystalline dish set into the floor, spinning on an axis. Just spinning and spinning and spinning, endless motion. Its smooth surface is cut through with dark wavering lines, etched with lettering, and it doesn’t quite glow but it doesn’t not glow, either, the light moving across it silkily, like clouds in a blue sky. It looks like something that should be humming – a low pitch in their ears, an eerie shiver dancing over their skin – but it’s silent. Inert, maybe, but for the spinning.
“What is it?” Efri asks. Her voice cracks as she speaks. She looks down at Sissel’s face, staring as though mesmerised, illuminated by the room’s dim lighting – the fires that should not still be burning down here, the luminous not-glow of the ball.
Sissel says, “I don’t know. Something important.”
Hovering above the dish, it spins, and spins, and spins.
“Is it what the ghost was talking about?” Efri asks. She tilts her head and squints at it. It doesn’t – well, it looks strange and unearthly and powerful, but it isn’t doing anything. And it hadn’t been clear what the ghost was talking about, exactly, according to Sissel, just that it was something important – but what else could it be?
Sissel, still watching it, shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says. “I think so.”
Efri watches it with her, brushing a bit more hair out of her face. It’s sticking to her sweaty forehead. She feels a drip of not-dry blood running down her arm under her sleeve.
Kazari is staring at it too – just as confounded as the rest of them. Efri sees the light in their irises shifting as the ball spins.
They’re not learning anything from staring, the ball staying strange and mysterious as ever, so Efri raps her knuckles against her sternum to steady her breathing (it’s slowed a bit – not normal, but closer to it) and climbs up onto the stone rimming of the dish. Kazari, behind her, lows in consternation; Sissel catches her breath, a noise like a creaking door. “Careful,” she says.
“Promise,” Efri replies, and places her feet very, very carefully on the glassy blue flooring. Nothing happens. She doesn’t step on the dark curved lines as she treads toward the ball in the centre, slow and wary as if she were approaching a skittish animal. Nothing happens.
She reaches out, and, with just the tips of her fingers, she grazes the ball’s surface.
Nothing happens.
It’s cool to the touch, and smooth, like polished metal or not-frozen ice or delicate glasswork. It continues to spin gently under her fingers, warming her glove with friction, no smudges left on its clouded face.
It really feels like there should at least be a tingle running up her arm, a strange and unfamiliar current, a spark. But it’s just Efri, standing with an arm outstretched, pressing her hand to a ball.
“It’s not doing anything,” she reports, and Sissel clambers up onto the dish with her, fitting her palm to its gently hovering underside. Kazari balks, begins pacing agitatedly. Efri frowns. “Why isn’t it doing anything? Shouldn’t it be doing something?”
“It’s important,” Sissel says definitively. There’s ancient dust on her fingers, but none of it seems to transfer. “It’s something really special, I think.”
Efri shifts restlessly. She shifts her grip and tries to grab onto the dark ridged curves ringing its surface, but they slip easily away from her grasp as though her touch was no barrier at all. “But what does it do?”
Sissel shrugs.
Behind them, Kazari lows.
Efri drops her hand and grabs Sissel’s wrist. “C’mon,” she says, and when Sissel frowns at her, “We’re not going to learn anything about it this way. We have to look for clues!”
Kazari makes a more impatient noise. (Efri thinks she found a clue.)
Sissel gives the ball one last searching look and lets Efri tug her away, off the weird blue dish and down to where Kazari stands on the stone floor, at the head of the table where the dead man sat. Efri sniffs loudly and tries not to think about it too much. The table is smooth polished stone, worn a little away with time; Efri trails a gloved finger over the edge and directs her attention to where Kazari points with their chin.
There’s something carved into the surface, the edges blunted and shapes softened by however many years it must have been since it was put there. Efri squints, trying to make it out. She has to stand right up on her tiptoes to get the right angle to see much of it in full.
“That’s not letters,” she says eventually, frowning. She’s pretty sure she knows her alphabet well enough by now to know that. “Is it magic?”
Sissel shakes her head. “I don’t know what it is. It’s not like magical writing I’ve ever seen.”
Efri looks at Kazari, who also shakes her head. “Maybe it’s a different sort of lettering,” she theorises. It must have been written a long time ago, if it’s from back when the city had people. Onmund’s been reading all about it for ages, and he’s told her a bit – Saarthal was the city of Atmorans, populated by proto-Nordic people. All complicated history stuff. But they weren’t quite the same as Nords today, he said, so it stands to reason they had different writing, too. They’re supposed to be uncovering and cataloguing artifacts (at the thought, Efri glances back at the hovering ball and swallows an inane bubble of laughter) so she suggests, “Maybe you can copy it and we can show it to someone. I’m sure there’ll be someone at the College what knows what it is.”
Sissel, also standing on her toes, nods dutifully. “What will you do?”
The chamber they’re in is cavernous, and about empty but for the ball in the dish, the altar and chair, the body on the ground. “I’ll check him,” she says, and points. “See if he has anything on him that’s special.”
Sissel follows her finger and grimaces.
She digs out her note-paper and her stick of char, and Efri assumes it’s clues time, but when she turns she feels a hand grip her elbow. She looks back over her tattered shoulder at Sissel’s face, her furrowed brow.
“Promise you’re really okay?” she says, voice anxious and solemn.
“Promise,” Efri says, twisting her arm to touch her friend’s hand. Sissel presses her lips together and lets go of her arm.
Kazari trails after Efri to look at the dead man.
First thing is the metal stick. It’s magic someway, Efri knows – he waved it and threw her into a wall, flung spells with it – but she’s not sure how. Doesn’t know enough about enchantments. Didn’t need to, to use it; when Kazari clamped down on his arm she just ripped it from his grasp and –
She doesn’t quite exactly remember, actually, except for the bitter tang of adrenaline in her mouth and nose, the horrible grunting and scuffling sounds, the heft of the stick in her hands. Impact, over and over and over, against something that had a little more give each time.
Efri scrubs a hand over her mouth and grips the handle of the stick. It takes effort to wrest it out of the thing’s face, caught as it is by the edges of the helmet, and when it’s finally yanked free it’s – actually not as bad as she might have expected. There’s no blood, and the corpse was so desiccated it already didn’t even really look like a person anymore, so it registers less as someone with horrible violence done to it and more as a really gross art piece. It’s not nice. She doesn’t like the twisted, gaping mouth, teeth embedded wrong-ways in its tissue and scattered like coins over the floor. And one of the eyes, which had glowed unearthly blue, is now a dull, rotten black, squished like a plum in its socket.
It's worse the more she looks. She sniffs and turns away.
“This is magic, right?” she asks Kazari, testing the weight of it in her hands, the cool surface of the metal, and they nod. “A good artifact?” she adds, and they nod again, emphatically. Efri sets the stick aside and kneels.
It wasn’t wearing any clothes, really – or if it was, they rotted away. She touches the rusted armour gingerly, tries to avoid brushing her gloves against the shrivelled skin at all. Whoever it was had expensive taste, it seems – there’s jewellery in a shockingly well-preserved beard, pendants around the neck, armbands. Efri asks Kazari if each thing is enchanted. No to the armbands, no to the beard-ring, and then, pressed against the wizened chest where the flesh contours to the ribs, she finds some kind of necklace, sharp-edged and thrumming. Kazari nods to that, and, face scrunched up like an old fruit, Efri reaches around the ancient neck to slip it off.
She tucks it into a belt pocket with the tripwire necklace they found at the weird wall.
“Done,” Sissel says. She folds her paper and slips it into her own pouch. Her footfalls on the echo-y stone floor as she approaches the body for the first time are almost silent. “Did you find anything?”
“Necklace,” Efri replies, watching Sissel’s face pinch at the sight of him. “And – stick.” She scoops up the metal stick and holds it out. “He did spells with it.”
Sissel looks at it warily. “Is he a draugr?” she asks, glancing back down at his mashed-up face.
“I mean,” Efri says, “he’s got to be, right?” She’s certainly never seen a draugr before, but what else could it be?
(Calling it a draugr makes her shiver, the set of her shoulders quaking. She’ll stick to dead man.)
Sissel shudders. She reaches out to grip the handle of the stick, and Efri’s not sure if she’s taking it or just trying to keep herself upright. “I can’t believe that happened,” she says. Her voice sounds, suddenly, fragile. “I can’t believe we’re alive.”
“Me neither,” Efri says. She presses the tip of the stick into the ground so Sissel can lean on it, stands a little unsteadily.
Kazari, with a hushed murmur, telegraphs something. Efri recognises the head incline of understanding – she’s familiar with that word, that idea – and, after a moment, the flickering ear of doubt.
“They’ll have to believe us,” she says with conviction, because she means it. “We’ll show them. They’ll see for themselves.”
Kazari presses their nose to her head.
Efri clasps her hands together. “We’ll go tell someone now,” she declares – though it’s easier said than done; they were lost in the ruins ages before they even found the crumbling wall, the halls, this horrible wonderful chamber. But they’ll get un-lost eventually. They’ll get out eventually. Surely. They have practice enough with walking. “But first – help me find my stick.”
#little girl has a kill count now!! more at 11#for context: I altered stuff leading up to the discovery of the eye#efri and sissel went off to play in the undiscovered halls of this ancient archeological dig site#on the grounds that efri has a great sense of navigation and they'll find their way back to the group no problem.#(efri has a great sense of navigation in the wilderness.)#(introduce her to a series of roads and buildings and she is lost in the sauce.)#their friends split up to look for them after they've been missing from a while (wandering around with great interest and no sense of place#(incredibly lost)#kazari happens upon them right as they've found a necklace at the end of a dead-end passageway that - when dutifully grabbed#for archeological research purposes - ended up triggering the wall to crumble or disappear or otherwise remove itself from the equation#and efri wasn't going to just. LEAVE that opening there.#come ONN kazari that's weird!! we can't just leave it!! what if it closes up and we never ever find it again and there's incredible secrets#that the college never finds! what if we never know what's through there!#we HAVE to know what's through there!#so on they go.#and so ensue the horrors#they pass a lot of dead bodies before the main all but those ones are all immobile#also sissel is the only one to receive the psijic projection warning. which she explains to the others as a ghost telling her secrets#which efri accepts bc this seems like the kind of place that would for sure have ghosts#and kazari goes sure that tracks this place is fucking creepy can we leave now (<- is also curious but HAS to put on a show of reluctance#because clearly no-one else is going to)#(permanent babysitter of kids with the worst self-preservation instincts imaginable)#(she is so strong. living every childcare worker's nightmare)#ANYWAY#:D#normal type stuff#posting because it matches the artwork I'm also posting! look at that thing!!!#fay writes#oc tag#efri
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I'll never be able to listen to "Slow Ride" by Foghat without thinking of Hangman playing it for Rooster at The Hard Deck.
#top gun maverick#jake hangman seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#i'm watching some stupid show about three cooks taking a road trip across the country#and they already played great balls of fire just a couple minutes ago#suddenly slow ride comes up#like yea this could easily be about rooster hangman and maybe phoenix doing a road trip#and natasha does her best to stop the boys from either killing each other#or banging each other
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#t rex#dinosaur#tyranosaurusrex#rex#dino#roadside#roadside dinosaur#travel#road trip#roadside oddity#teeth#cretaceous#travels#south dakota#great plains#black hills#dinosaurs#preditor#carnovore#extinct#black hills south dakota#jurassic park#travel blog#sculpture#public art#museum#killing machine
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love is truly the dumb fuck juice of all time because a man can literally tell you 'i have violent thoughts of harming you' and your ass will be twirling hair and kicking feet like 'but would we kiss after that or?' like
#life#nothing recent lmao just been thinking about my younger self#and how utterly in love i was with someone who didn't have their best intentions with my goofy ass#and i was EATING. IT. ALL. UP.#like sure i was in the absolute depths of depression and ping ponged from one suicidal thought to another#and at times those feelings were about the only thing keeping me from jumping off the 16th floor of my dorm building#but then again when he abandoned me like a wet dog on the side of the road#i uh.. almost killed myself yaknow.. maybe it was NOT worth it in the long run lmao#i lived bitch.jpg#but yeah nah just looking back at all that in retrospect and it's truly truly wild as shit how utterly in love my ass was#talking about that suicidio attempt i actually ended up writing about it because it was almost comical how i survived#when your darkest demons crawl out of the shower drain to roast you into living mi amore <3#it helped me process the whole thing when i was in a much better place mentally#and i read it to my writing group with a bunch of people different ages different walks of life it was a great experience#suicide mention cw
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A week in a midwestern AmericInn would kill them both
#Actually the Midwest could probably kill them. Hell pool at an AmericInn would probably kill them both#A single chlorinated pool could end the royal bloodline of Atlantis#Cut to Arthur in middle school thinking he’s going to DOMINATE the swimming unit#Cut to his attempt to breathe in chlorine. Cut to an hour straight of screeching and hacking#Aquaman#arthur curry#orm marius#Men’s Road-trip to Mt. Rushmore but Arthur and Orm just get progressively more ill as they go#Arthur has like a vague political reason to head towards the Great Lakes or something and he was instantly like “omg road trip 😝🤩🥳💅”#“My dad never took me on road-trips as a kid so this will be great!!!”#Arthur on FaceTime ghost white collapsed on a hotel room floor while Orm chugs water straight from the bathroom tap in the background :#”no babe it was a great idea one of my best I swear- wait don’t put mom on DONT-“#He didn’t get to bring Junior just FYI.
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chill kill is. its ok
#its not terrible but not that good either very middle of the road#absolutely love the mv though it looks great i love it when girls kill
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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Not me crying over Baldur’s Gate 3, my Tav is slowly getting more and more morally dubious and it’s only a little bit their fault
#spoilers in the tags cause I’m rambling#I’m in act two and I made it to the little light village. absolutley delighted to see everyone again it’s great#and then of course everything goes side ways- and guys.#I don’t know. if you’re supposed to win that fight with Jenieha or whatever her name is alive#but everyone outside of my group (had astarion shadowheart and wyll with me) died#and it was heart wrenching#like it totally felt like that was supposed to be the safe place where we all get together and march out on the absolute and what not#and then it just fell apart so devastatingly and I’m not okay about it#and more importantly my tav (Zeilith) is not okay about it#anyways point is I think they a little bit broke down sobbing before deciding they’re going to kill everyone that they have to#instead of getting into a fight with the one spider guy down the road she lied to him to get the fairy light and sent him off into the#darkness with his group to die to the shadow demons djdjdjjdjdjd#she’s keeping the fairy in the lamp cause she needs it and she’s done taking chances#it’s w i l d#anyways I’m having a ball#Tav is going to commit manslaughter and also cry over Mol because that’s her kid now djdjjsjs
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Natalya and Alexei! my ‘end of the world’ ocs. Some info about them lifted from discord messages to my friends under the cut
He's (Alexei) the deuteragonist along side an angry, traumatized 15 year old girl named Natalya that he acts kind of like an older brother to and a voice of reason (because someone needs to tell this hurting lonely child that you can reason your way out of a conflict and that stabbing isn't the only option)
tldr for the setting is that America dropped a nuclear bomb on the Ural Mountains in like 1985 and it cut the USSR the west off from Siberia completely, the rest of the world is falling apart but the story only really focuses on Siberia as a setting
technically they're Handmaids Tale ocs but I'm just taking the end of the world scenario Attwood set up and running with it in the complete opposite direction, I watched a single episode and went "americas a fundamentalist shitshow with sex slavery but how's the rest of the world handling the end of the world" and that led me to making these guys
#ghost scribbles#oc tag#original character#I watch a single episode of HMT with my dad and then watch a play through of TLOU and think these guys up#anyway I love them and their fucked up road trip across Siberia#Sorry Nat I love you but I am going to put you through so much trauma and make you almost unrecognizable to the person you once where#Alexei can vibe though but I will put his pacifism into question in increasingly violent situations#oh and I'm also reading up about russian orthodox because you can't have a HMT story without some cultists#this is so disconnected from June and her story and world she exists in I'm just taking the world ending scenario that led to that#and running with it#Siberia is a governmentless free for all with no external help after america dropped a bomb on russia that fucked the urals up so bad that#theyre now completely disconnected from the ussr#and a combo of plague and a harsh winter and no external support ended up killing a LOT of people#this is mostly a story in my brain but I will hopefully draw some more stuff for them#OH I forgot to mention it but Alexei is entirely pre-op he spent his life pre-bomb in the closet and decided that#if the world was going to end and he was going to die he wasnt going to do it pretending to be someone hes not#tldr he decide that the end of the world was a great time to transition#he will transition physically later on in the story when they make to the Alaska
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i am...not ok...after this last rwby chapter
my brain can't even process...i am speechless and heartbroken and numb
and overwhelmed
i want old jaune back
#rwby volume 9#rwby v9 spoilers#i'm just not in a good place right now after reading so many theories about jaune either staying behind or getting killed#or that he'll stay...like that for the remainder of the series#i mean design wise i like everything except how he himself looks#not a fan of the beard or ponytail#everything else is fire#unpopular opinion but v7-8 jaune is my favorite#i just don't want to read anymore that this is end of the road for him#i think i need to get away for a bit#i feel sick and overwhelmed#he is my no. 1 comfort character and things are not looking great right now#this is not how i imagined the first time i got to watch a volume happen in real time would go#but here we are#rwby
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