#Gonna be honest I had zero idea what to write here

[chaosduckies]

Do you have absolutely anything at all that you could tell us more about for Friends in small places?!

I do! But not too much where I’ll reveal everything that will happen in future chapters or big hints anything. Also sorry for not posting a chapter in forever! I will get back to them soon!

Casper used to be a really popular kid at school until he showed symptoms of being a shifter. Kids saw him as a monster and his teachers didn’t want him around other kids in case of any accidents. Later on his parents removed him from school after a while and was then admitted as a special case shifter.

Special cases are for shifters who shift even at the slightest overcrowding of emotion. Even when Cas is extremely happy he’ll have a tendency to shoot up a few feet before he realizes and calms himself down. Though this more often happens with negative emotions.

Cas’s family really just want what’s best for him and don’t agree with what people are doing to him but as long as it’s helping they can’t say anything. Shifters can either shrink or grow, and this is at random since this new mutation in humans wasn’t there before.

Liam and Cas are still trying to get used to eachother and all of that, but I do have some pretty nice scenes coming up (fluff and angst) and I do plan to make this longer than Restoration! (Due to plot holes and so, so many great suggestions of what I should do that I’m going to write all of them)

thanks for the ask anon! (And sorry for not answering sooner-)

if there’s anything else you’d like to know please ask! :3

[the-inkwell-variable]

author ask tag

thank you so much for the tag, @the-golden-comet! ooh this is gonna be fun!

i'm going to focus on my current wip, Why Should I Be Careful? I'm Going To Die Anyway! because it's still very much in the planning stages (despite how much I'm writing for it) and I have Thoughts

What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?

I'll be honest, I haven't really thought that far ahead. I suppose, if there is a lesson to take from WSIBC?IGTDA!, it might be that you should always chase your goals and desires, and screw what other people think. Maybe put a little more thought and planning into yours than Aura does hers, though. I mean, she almost dies due to her recklessness. Don't be like Aura.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

Well, it's a zombie book - I love zombies, in case you can't tell - so the world is an amalgamation of zombie stuff I love. The zombies are based off of the Train to Busan zombies. This is a self-insert mess, so I'm using the town and people I know in the town as location and characters. Little tropes here and there that I love in movies and books alike. It's just a big chimera of stuff that I grab from stuff I remember and shove into it. It definitely needs polish when it's done, but I'm having a blast so far, so I'm'a keep doing it :3

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help the reader grow as a person?

Uhhhhhh this is a tough question. Right now, Aura is trying to make it to Roger's Grocery Mart to save her girlfriend, but most of the time, she's just trying to have a good time in the zombie apocalypse and hopefully not die. She does eventually grow into a character that (mostly) thinks things through and takes other people's situations into account, so I suppose the lesson is "the world doesn't revolve around you - be kind and helpful to others"?

As for what I'm trying to achieve... mostly, to be honest, I just want people to pick up my book and have a good time reading it. I want to write a zombie book because it's my passion and because there aren't enough zombie books out there. I guess I'm trying to inspire others? To show them that you can survive an impossible situation if you work hard and think things through?

How many chapters is your story going to have?

The only time I've written a full-length book (sorry, the only two times, forgot about Zero: ALPHA), it had about twenty-odd chapters. Z:A had...uh...thirty? That was a long time ago and I sadly no longer have that draft. This one is going to go until it's done. Hopefully more than thirty though!

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original content! I have no idea where I'm going to post it. I'm torn between Draft2Digital (originally Smashwords) or Substack. Thing is, I'm really bad at marketing and keywords and all that technical stuff that goes into publicizing, so I'm really hesitant to share it at all. I'm the type of person that gets absolutely morally devastated if my own self-inflicted goals aren't met, and I'm not sure if I can handle that kind of crushing heartbreak with this one lol

So yeah. Might publish, might not. Unsure right now.

When did you start writing?

My dad set up a Windows 95 computer for me in his office, his old one, and taught me the basics of using it. I was five, about to turn six. I immediately sat down and wrote a story about unicorns. I've been writing ever since.

I didn't start writing fanfiction until I was thirteen and had just binge-watched Lord of the Rings for the first time. We don't talk about those works. They were awful.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?

Write it. Oh it's cringe? Who cares? Write it. Oh, it's a rare pair? Write it. You're worried people will hate it? Fuck the haters. Write it. Writing is about having fun. Writing is about pouring your soul onto the page. Writing is about getting those ideas out of your head so they don't drive you insane. It's about reaching that one person that finds your work and loves it. Even if no one reads it - you still accomplished something. You still wrote it. And no one can take that from you.

I have so many writers in my follow list. Uhh. I have no idea how many are still active, so I'm just going to tag who I know and hope for the best lol

@idyllicocean, @keeping-writing-frosty, @bloodtiesnovel, @asher-writes, @kitswrite, @theink-stainedfolk, @karkkidoeswriting, @lavender-gloom, @orphanheirs, @aquixoticwrites, @alinacapellabooks, @marlowethelibrarian, @flock-from-the-void, @dyrewrites, @storycraftcafe, @writer-imagination, @toragay-writing, @inseasofgreen, @stephtuckerauthor, @thatndginger, @finickyfelix, @eternalwritingstudent, @drchenquill, @paeliae-occasionally, @the-golden-comet, @talesofsorrowandofruin, @watermeezer, @goldfinchwrites, @winterandwords, @badscientist, @clairelsonao3, @i-can-even-burn-salad, @leahpardo-pa-potato, @mjparkerwriting, @rowanwriting, @oliolioxenfreewrites, @emelkae, @rita-rae-siller, @rebelxwriter, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @stesierra, @francineiswriting, @sunset-a-story, @chauceryfairytales, @hollyannewrites, @jaydenswaywrites, @captain-kraken, @violets-in-her-arms-writes, @romy-thewriter, @pure-solomon, @writingmaidenwarrior, @koiwrites

go, go follow them. they're all so good and make my timeline glow.

[thats-the-teen-spirit]

Linkin Park - From Zero - Album Review

Well, a few months ago I didn't think that I would write such a review but here we go. So Linkin Park announced their return in September followed by a tour and an album, to everyone's surprise. The new singer after the great Chester Bennington's passing was announced to be the former Dead Sara vocalist, Emily Armstrong. The announcement was followed by many controversies which I'm not gonna touch on in this review, I'm just here, purely for the music, so take all my opinions with a grain of salt.

From Zero (Intro)

A very short, barely even 20 seconds intro is a Queen-like gang vocal/choir harmony followed by Emily asking about the name of the album. It sounds like they recorded her first reaction to Mike's idea for the album name, which is - as Mike mentioned many times throughout the promotion of the album - a double entendre. From Zero means from the ground up, a new beginning which is definitely true for the band after losing a beloved former member and a friend, but also From Xero which was the first name of the predecessor band of Linkin Park. It's genius if you think about it, and by the short and cut end of the intro Emily realizes this as well.

2. The Emptiness Machine

The first single and the song that started the return. The video and the song are both great, though it left a sour taste in some fans' mouth, expecting either a Chester-imitation or someone completely different (rumors were Amy Lee and Deryck Whibley). The Emptiness Machine opens up with a modern beat and Mike's rapping, he even sings the first chorus hinting at something new to come. The second verse starts with Emily singing and while at first I thought she lacks the power Chester had, by the end of the second chorus she proves her place is right among the boys. The lyrics are about an abusive relationship to someone or something which left people thinking about Emily's past (imo the lyrics definitely fit into Linkin Park's past catalogue as well). The passion of the last chorus and the "I only wanted to be part of something" bridge will leave you wondering though: how would this song sound with Chester?

3. Cut the Bridge

Already a non-single with a choppy hard rock riff and octaves, Mike starts rapping and you realize this is definitely a Linkin Park song. In my personal opinion this sound would have fit into The Hunting Party as well as this album. I'm not the biggest fan of the chorus but it's a fun song that might get a few headbangs at concerts. Emily definitely carries this song, the bridge melody by Mike is... not the best, a little jarring and does not fit his vocal style and range. We'll hear a few moments like that in the coming songs.

4. Heavy Is The Crown

Heavy Is The Crown was the second single and the anthem of this year's League of Legends championship which gave to already one of the biggest bands of the planet some extra boost of publicity. If I had to describe this song with old Linkin Park songs I would say this is a renewed version of Faint with the breakdown of Given Up. The beat and the melody throughout the song is very Meteora-era and the "THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR" breakdown pretty much calls out the fans who wanted a nu-metal banger. It's like they knew their return was controversial and they have to do the maximum nostalgia factor to appeal to the same audience that once loved them. Emily shows her real power in this one, letting out the beast and hinting at what's coming.

5. Over Each Other

A pure Emily song and the third single. Mike is not singing nor rapping in this one, and in the video we see Emily being in a relationship, breaking up and fighting with her girlfriend until the story takes a dark turn when she fakes her own death to get away from her now ex-girlfriend. It's a very honest and upbeat song that really arrives by the second half. The lyrics show a burnt-out relationship that seems to be over soon. This one I cannot even imagine with Chester's vocals, which is the first and the last time this happened during this album. The instrumentals in the second half are (in my personal opinion) very much Minutes to Midnight-like, almost as if Rick Rubin produced this one as well.

6. Casualty

Undoubtedly the heaviest one on the record, there's barely any clean vocals, (even Mike is shouting for most of the song) and there's even a hardcore punk beat in it. This is basically like their song Victimized was on The Hunting Party instead of Living Things. The guitars and drums are filled with rage and in the bridge we hear a new sound from Emily which is very In This Moment/Maria Brink. I didn't expect a hardcore song by Linkin Park but in 2024 even that could happen.

7. Overflow

After a very lengthy intro the song arrives to a space-y, flowy verse which is reminiscent of Deftones and I.O.U, the song Mike recorded with Chino Moreno off his solo record, Post Traumatic. The chorus keeps up the same slow pace and by the bridge I figured that this song would be very fitting to A Thousand Suns. Which is possibly the only song on this record that I can say this about. Like a more modern version of a medley of that album, strange sound and it's not gonna be my most listened song but I think it will find its audience.

8. Two-Faced

Ever wanted to hear a Meteora/Hybrid Theory song sung by a female singer? Well, here you go. Imagine if Figure.09, A Place for My Head and One Step Closer got together on a drunk night and had a lovechild. The verses are also very much like Nobody's Listening, another song from Meteora. The breakdown is so much fanservice to the HT fans that it's almost exactly the One Step Closer riff (even the turntables are there). This will be one of my favorites for sure, it gives me that Cure for The Itch for a old-new HT sound. The fans who can get over to be ready for the new era of the band and only love the first album will be happy to hear this one.

9. Stained

Another song that is hard carried by Emily's vocals, I swear it's like they're doing this on purpose. Mike is one of my favorite songwriters and musicians but man, is he boring in this song. This is the first song where I felt like it's a filler. Chorus melody is alright especially in the last one where it's much more epic, but the verses, the instrumental and the overall vibe of this song is very forgettable. If I wanted to be really harsh I would say, this one is a more pop-ish song of One More Light got rerecorded with a different vocalist and distorted guitars.

10. IGYEIH

IGYEIH or I Gave You Everything I Had is another heavy banger. The riff is very nu metal, reminding me of Burn by Three Days Grace. It's another one that Emily is carrying on her back, her performance is 110% again. Mike's "the clock keeps tickiiiiing" call-ins are very much forced, and in my opinion lack chemistry with the rest of the song. The yea-yea-yea-s by Emily are also somewhat forced before the chorus, the buildup and the breakdown are great though. It's not as mid as Stained but I honestly expected better from the riff.

11. Good Things Go

Probably my favorite song of the album, straight up. The modern rap beat and Mike's work on the rapping and the wonderful vocals by Emily make this composition a pleasure to listen to. Some people I saw online compared it to Leave Out All The Rest, I don't think that is true. While this is a ballad of some sort having very emotional lyrics, it's an unfair comparison to LOATR. The delivery by both Mike and Emily is amazing though and the buildup is one of my favorites of this year, it's both relieving and cathartic. This is this album's take on Good Goodbye and this one undoubtedly wins both the message and the delivery battle.

Overall I'm not gonna lie, I expected more. Upon the second listen I realized that I lost recency bias already. Some moments turned out to be probably the worst in their catalogue while others were highlights of this year's musical journey for me. The singles are definitely the stand-out songs, though Good Things Go and Two-Faced are up among them. Emily carried most of the songs as I mentioned many times before and it's clear that the band's intention was to make the audience love her as much as they loved working with her, even if this effort cast a dark shadow on the rest of the bands' performance.

7/10

[bludermaus]

Another Emperor Post for you all

First of all, just forgive me for not being good at elaboration my opinions, but here we go:

I think another reason people dislike The Emperor is because they have this incessant need to be friends with everybody if they're doing a "good run", and if you're not friendly to the player then you're deserving of no mercy, nuance and greyness be damned

We see that on how people shit on Wulbren. Like, I don't like the guy that much, but I can see the nuance of someone that was maybe a nice person and became so full of bitterness that they start lashing against others and going to extreme measures to do what they *think* is right. It's not elaborated why and we can speculate forever, but if you save Wulbren and Barcus is dead he's far far nicer to you, so people might be extra pissy about him just because Barcus is a sweetie, so by consequence Wulbren is the worst for not being nice to him

Another example is Lae'zel. I love her, but how many times have we seen people saying that they hate her or left her in the camp not bothering with learning about her because she's initially very standoffish? Just because she's not friendly enough, she's not hugging you from the get-go and saying niceties, not worshipping the ground you step on immediately? Sure, she can become friendly and even an actual friend to you later, but that's not supposed to be a requirement for someone to be liked

And then we have The Emperor. Manipulation and ommission of information is not a friendly thing to do, so automatically evil, how dare he! Except that... He's not your friend and he doesn't (initially) want to be, he's an ally by necessity (and let's be honest, every companion there is working together just by necessity. For example: Pre-tadpole Wyll and Astarion would probably have killed each other in different circumstances) and he's interested in your success in the mission, nothing more or less. And let's be honest, considering that he didn't even want to be in this situation in the first place, he's actually very friendly and nice to you, manipulations aside... Manipulations by the way to make you save the world/yourself, which you'd have wanted to do anyway he just helped point you in the right way and guide you to get there faster

But in the end you can genuinely have a friendship with him, it's just that people disregard his feelings because of some sort of idealized idea of friendship where you must be huggy huggy and message each other daily. I am great friends with someone with whom I haven't talked to in like 3-4 months... Does that mean we're not good friends? We don't message each other enough? To me The Emperor would be this kind of friend and that's okay, you'll visit him like once or twice a year, have some conversation and then leave, maybe write letters every now and then, you both value each other's life and that's it, friendship acquired

This accidentally became a post about how his feelings are genuine >:c He doesn't strike me as the "master manipulator" like haters make him out to be, The Emperor is a business nerd with zero social skills who needs therapy and my Tav can fix him, I sincerely believe that if you've been friendly to him the whole game he is genuine when at the end of the game he says he'll miss you... You're one of the only non-illithid to have not treated him like shit and didn't betray him and chose someone else's life over his when you had the chance, you accepted him for what he is and was nice/professional about it. And if you've become a Mind Flayer then obviously he's elated that he's gonna have a buddy to talk to, someone of his own new race who would understand him the best in a way others wouldn't

Okay rambling over, feel free to continue scrolling Tumblr uwu

[imrllytootiredforthis]

Sweet tears of ecstasy? That intrigues me

okay so Sweet tears of ecstasy is one that i've been working on for awhile...it'll probably (dunno for sure😅) never come out if i'm being honest because it's a whole ass series with complexity and toxicity, an actual plot between the smut.

the thing is idk if i actually have the commitment and drive to finish something like this, so if i did end up posting it, it would probably be after i finished writing all of it-which idk if it'll ever happen😭

it is hongjoong x fem!reader x mingi, a college au.

the reader is a smartass in one of mingi's classes who he's obsessed with-why? because he likes smart girls who say things he doesn't understand while he looks at them with stars in his eyes, nodding along even though he has zero idea what they're saying (basically he's a himbo)

the reader is a very private and closed off person, has a few close friends but even with them she mostly keeps to herself. one of said people she is close with is hongjoong-who is pretty popular. him and the reader are like fwb but keep it on the down-low because it's not really anyone else's business.

anyways, the plot pretty much is, mingi ends up walking in on them in the bathroom at a party one night...doing unspeakable things and immediately leaves, embarrassed but even afterwards he can't stop thinking about it

that's all i'm gonna say for the plot, just in case i ever do end up releasing it but yeah. i've got a few parts of it written, i'll release one small snippet of one of them here

Sweet tears of ecstasy

“Shit,” You groan, chest heaving, a bead of sweat rolling down your temple.

Fingers twirl through threads of his hair as he pants as well, trying to calm his racing heart while almost (maybe) unaware of the affect that it had on your shivering body from his hot breath fanning across you. 

He could barely help the churn in his stomach at the way you looked down at him, hungry as your eyes roved over his skin; ravenous, like you weren’t above pouncing on him the second after you came despite the slight tremble still apparent in your legs.

“Stop looking at me like that!” He moaned, trying to hide his head in your thigh as he squirmed, your hand in his hair holding him back.

How could you not? It would be a crime to not appreciate how puffed and red his lips were, his hair messy and chin covered in a mess that his tongue seemed determined to clean, poking out every so often. “Like what babyboy?” 

He sighs and rolls his eyes as you smile, cupping his cheek in time for him to brush his head against your inner thighs, blowing at you just to hear you hiss. 

You groan, “Don’t be a dick!” Using the position in favour for shoving him back, away from you before frowning at the cold left behind and pulling him back in.

He almost laughs but instead kisses your skin softly, lovingly.

“You’ve gotten too good at that y’know?”

“I dunno,” he looks up before crawling up into your open arms, allowing him to cuddle up against you as you light a cigarette, placing it between your lips with a puff. “Is there such a thing as being too good at eating pussy?”

The smell of nicotine fills his head, making him feel cloudy and safe. 

He’s never liked it when you smoke, told you many times to stop, tried many times to make you. 

Hiding them, throwing them in the trash, sending you websites and YouTube videos, threatening you. Nothing’s worked and he still doesn’t like it but he can’t help the way that the smell alone is almost enough to make him hard again.

A cigarette before you give him the best orgasm he’s had in his life, relighting the same one right after, right before round two and then another one before you hop into the shower afterwards.

Pavlov’s dogs or some shit, right? 

“You wanna stay the night?” The words echo hollowly, seeming to bounce off the four walls of his room. 

He feels foolish. For even asking. For even hoping. Especially when you don’t answer, simply taking another puff, offering it to him in which he declines with a quiet reminder of how you should quit.

His body feels cold when you pull away. The bed seems so much bigger when you’re not in it.

“Not tonight lover,” You grab your underwear off the floor, jeans too followed by the shirt you came in. “Got some stuff I need to do,”

He wishes that you’d grab his hoodie right next to it instead, slip it on and wear it tomorrow when he’d see you in class. “Mhm.” It’s a bullshit excuse. You know it. He knows it. 

But it’s an unspoken promise at this point. He asks you to stay. You say you have something. You leave. He stays. Cold and left with the scent of cigarettes and sex.

“You coming to the party tomorrow night?” You put out the deathstick on the ashtray that’s taken space on his nightstand, brought a couple of weeks ago by you after being annoyed with the fact that he had nothing else that you could’ve used.

“Wooyoung’s?”

“Yeah, the one at his and San’s place?”

He thinks over the things he had planned for tomorrow, ready to skip out anything originally planned to go to this stupid party with you. Graciously happy to find that he has nothing. “Yeah, why?”

You turn back to him, smile plastered across you face, looking so much more innocent than you really are. 

“Just wanted to make sure that I’d see you there, probably wouldn’t go if you weren’t. You’re the only one that makes that kinda stuff bearable for me.” He swears his heart soars with the words, with the way you lean down, placing a kiss on his neck, lingering on his jaw, then his cheek and the corner of his mouth before planting one on his lips, nipping at them playfully, pulling away just as quick before he can wrap his arms around your neck and pull you in, effectively starting round 3 of the night.

“Y-yeah,” 

He’s slightly breathless but you don’t seem to notice, fishing your phone out of your pocket to check the time. “Oh shit, I gotta go!” 

You scramble to grab the rest of your things, your bag, the pack of cigarettes and lighter you left on his nightstand beside the ashtray and one last stolen kiss.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay? 8 and don’t be late, I will leave you behind if it’s over ten minutes.”

He pouts petulantly, “I don’t take that long!”

You roll your eyes playfully as you unlock the door, peeking your head in one more time before you shut it. “Take a shower okay? You smell like sex and I’ll call you later, text me if you need anything, anything at all.” He nods and you pin him with a look that seems to say ‘don’t fuck around with me.’

“Okay!”

“Good." You smile softly and for a second he can pretend that he's really yours and that you'll come back later tonight when he's sleeping, cuddling up to him in the dark and that you'll wake up in the morning-together.

But then your next words come, like a slap to the face. What you say every night that you leave him. "See you later Hongjoong.”

And with that, you’re gone. And he’s left alone in the dark once more. 

--

so yeah, a snippet from the first part, after this it switches to mingi's point of view, already at the party mentioned the next night. which is where he ends up walking in on them.

[ll-but-its-random]

A rare case of Fanfic, because I remember I used to write for the PJO and G2018 fandom in 2020:

Gonna be honest, this is an idea I've had for a short while and thought why not?

Fandom: Lorien Legacies.

Characters: Number Seven (Marina), Number Five, Others (Mentioned).

Warnings: Mentions of death (non-explicit). Dead characters.

Summary: Marina, dreaming to be at Eight's grave sees the last person she ever wanted to see again.

Post Return to Zero- One shot.

Marina stood alone at the mountain base, eyes glued to the ground in front of her. The etched headstone almost had her vision tunneling. Nothing really new about it. She didn't feel the wind or hear the noises of the forest behind her. The aura that New Lorien is constantly emitting is dull to her senses. It's not coming from here, it's coming from the outside.

She's in a dream. A quiet one at that, not that she's complaining much.

The tombstone here was identical to the real deal, two things carved on it. A circular symbol of a ring with small circles intertwining with it in two curves, almost like an orbit. Beneath that was a single loric word.

No actual body was buried here, but it felt fit to give Eight a grave in his own home. Where the Vishnu Nationalists Eight could come too, where he could be seen close to New Lorien. Marina cannot count how many times she visited; sometimes crying, sometimes silent, sometimes sitting next to the gold stone, pretending it was the same boy sitting next to her.

Sometimes- like now- she stands a few feet before it, gazing numbly. In silence.

"Don't you think it's time?"

Marina didn't look away. She didn't step back, she didn't flinch. But she was still angry at the interruption. Especially from him. The last time she's actually heard this voice was so long ago in an ear-splitting scream, but it circled her sometimes in her sleep, in the back of her head. In so many different tones. Malice, timidity, but probably most of all, lies. All from the same person.

He was sitting right next to the headstone.

Marina didn't want to reply- the last thing she wants is that he continues to haunt her dreams. Though this doesn't feel like a fabrication of her head. It was really him.

Yet she answered, "Time for what?"

"To move on."

That is when she turns her gaze to him. He actually looks better than she remembers, watching him from afar. The black patches on his skin were gone. The eyepatch John and Nine described wasn't there, but he didn't look like he needs it, now that his eye socket isn't empty. Not as thin as before, but not round as he used to be. Whatever afterlife is waiting for all of them, it treated him well.

Marina was now glaring. "It's not your place to decide."

Five shrugged. "Surely not. It's the world's. it will push you there at one point or another." His tone was calm, voice levelled. Whatever he truly meant behind that, she refused to believe it's any good.

She took a long breath through her nose. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Because..."

"Because, I'm sorry. However little that means."

"So little."

They fell silent, and her eyes travelled back to Eight's symbol. Five looked straight at her before he too turned to the tombstone beside him. She could almost mistake him for someone alive. she once called him a ghost. Now he really was one.

"After I got off the island," he started. "I don't know if I was just trying to busy from it or actually moving on, but I learned to lived live with myself again. I lived with the fact he's dead. I stopped trying to beat myself over it." He turned to her again. "I still wanted to make it up with you, though. All of you."

Marina has no idea why she kept listening. If she willed it hard enough, maybe she can wake up, leave him, go see Eight's actual tomb. She didn't.

"I did a lot of things wrong, but if there was only one action I could take back, Marina, it would be this."

"You..." she replied, teeth grinding. Her anger from so long before boiled again. Boiled. Her legacy won't kill him again here. "You betrayed us, you worked for him, and were too stupid to realize it soon, you tried to end Nine." She ranted. "of course, after everything you get to move on."

Five sighed. "Yeah, I guess there is nothing that makes up for that to you guys."

At that he stood up, and for all the nerve of him, started walking towards her. It couldn't be more than a few months between them, but he'd always been on the short side. The few inches she's grown since the invasion now had her looking down at him.

He was next to her, and she yet has to move.

"What makes you believe that?"

"You think I wouldn't notice if I had a grave?"

That was true. Even now, over a year since the explosion, Ran Takeda's grave always seemed well-kept and occasionally visited by her friends. Five's grave was still the sky.

Marina saw his hand on her shoulder, and while she didn't feel its weight, it was as real as anything else here. He was suddenly so different, once again patched with black augmentation and missing an eye. Like the last time she'd actually seen him.

"You have to continue, Marina. Eight wants that for you." he said. "He says hi, by the way." He added with a smile.

She perked up, mouth agape. "He... what?"

Five looked up at her with a single eye. "He'll come to see you, I promise."

He faded out, and Marina woke up in tears.

[invinciblerodent]

tbh, it never ceases to astound me that there are actual people who are fans, legitimate fans, of Ascended Astarion.

like i'm not even saying this as a funny thing, i'm not even gonna put it any tags or whatever, and it's not like i want to make fun of someone for a preference in a fictional character, that's not what this is about, it's just that.... posts here, and the comment sections on videos of his voicelines, always have at least one person trying to justify his behavior as actually good, or talking about how hot some line or another is, and how much they like this outcome (not because it's fucked up but because it's "passionate" or "sexy" or whatever- this btw is much more prevalent on youtube), and I just... can't grasp how that's a possible thing for people to think unironically. how someone can play through 100+ hours of game, interact with Astarion multiple times, take him through his whole damn personal journey, and still not feel like post-ascension he's just a... a horrible stranger wearing a friend's face.

If you see the fucked up part and go "yeah i'm into that because it's fucked up"? I'm fully in support of you. Absolutely 100% in your corner. Write/imagine/fantasize about nasty fucked up manipulation and shit all you want; I've been known to indulge in worst case scenarios myself. Engaging with unhealthy dynamics with the knowledge that it's unhealthy and exploring that can be good for the soul. But way too many seem to be arguing that "he still loves (the PC)", and that it's possible for that guy and the PC to have a decent, loving relationship on equal footing, while they need to actively dodge all the options even in-game that exist to call him out for being a piece of shit.

because he's. god, ascended he's such a creep. he sets off all the alarm bells in my head, worse than any guy I've ever decided not to let buy me a drink. an obvious manipulator, nakedly abusive, dismissive, clearly a megalomaniac that's going as far as saying the quiet part out loud in the multiple times he can say that he wants to turn the PC into a spawn so they can't leave or defy him, and it's right there on the surface in every single interaction that being with him is not a good idea. The other companions fucking hate his guts and feel sorry for the PC, and even a PC that's head over heels, fully on board with all the bullshit, and is into the whole "gilded cage enslavement" aspect, can complain (and it's implied that they have complained, multiple times) in the epilogue about not having their freedom.

Six months after becoming his spawn, they're still not a full vampire, and we know from that conversation with Aurelia and Leon that one of Cazador's little tactics had been promising his spawn freedom he never intended to give, in order to keep them obedient.

sure, he has some lines that, in a vacuum, are hot. but I'm pretty sure that's all simply Neil Newbon (despite being a very skilled actor who's fully deserving of all the acclaim he's been receiving), being physically unable to inject enough gross sewer-slime into his voice, and not any merit to this weird creep of a character.

this whole thing, I'm gonna be honest, is just... so fucking worrying to me. it like actually worries me how many people can't see something written with the explicit intent to be unsettling, and a guy written openly to be awful and shitty and gross, as such. And it's not like we can fully chalk it up to how emotion in the moment can cloud your judgement, or how manipulators can and do adjust their personalities in accordance to how best to make you stay, he's literally ones and zeroes, and a limited number of lines you can listen to over and over again and dissect if you want.

I'm not even remotely joking, is this how people end up in relationships with genuinely awful people????? because god, it sounds so terrifying that there are actual people who can look at a fictional guy draped in a red flag the size of a tectonic plate, and still only notice that the color brings out his eyes.

(and to reiterate, if the awful is the selling point, I'm fully in support of that. but god, the "I can fix him"/"I know he still loves me" sentiment is just... it makes the back of my neck itch.)

[speckle-meow-meow]

HII!! I just saw your recent John Doe post and it was rlly good^^ your writing is really nice :D so u wanted to send a request if you don’t mind! Also you may have to do some research if you don’t know this character but anyways could I request John Doe with a S/O who has a Mafuyu Asahina Personality?? Thank u ^^ also the link is there so it’ll be more easier then typing

Thank you! And thank you so much for the link❤

I'm gonna be honest with you, he literally had zero idea of your real personality

One of my favorite YouTubers gamersault broke down the game and John is really only there so to date the MC bc he thinks they belong together here's the video if you wanna watch it

Back to what I was saying

He stalks you obviously but you don't really give a shit you still keep up your facade but it's taking a straine on your health

So when he does talk to you face to face you give him the best smile you can muster

He talks to you like you already know each other

When he asks you the questions you answer honestly which inevitably makes him a little upset

So when you get off of work he follows you

Day after day you start to realize that it's literally only you and him

Soon your facade slips and eventually you show your true colors

No emotions, the Aura around you is as cold as ice

So when you arrive at work the next day your face has a permanent frown

As your restocking the shelves you start talking to yourself

"How in the hell is everything coming off the shelves, there's literally no one in this world but me and that dude."

After you do your tasks you take your place at the counter waiting for nothing

Soon that guy comes back looking a little different

He seems more

Attractive?

He continues to talk to you about the same thing asking the same questions

Yet you still give him the same answers

The next day the same thing except he looks even more attractive

'He's really trying' you say in your head

He asks the questions again

And you change your answers

You let him come home with you

He starts to freak out and eventually shows his true self

Or at least some of his true self

You don't know how to feel

You can't feel anything

He starts to catch on and eventually you end up together

He's your little ball of.... Um... Sunshine?

👁👄👁?

He helps you a little bit

Ig he gives you a little bit of happiness

Your always honest with him you don't sugar coat anything and he knows that

It sometimes hurts him but you do apologize

Just

In your own way

I honestly think he's try to find you / make you a room where you can "Rehabilitate" I supose

Idk if he'd really be really helpful though

But if you'd explain he'd probably try and help.

{Thank you @siouxxiie for this request I hope you like it! I tried to get as close as I can to the character you given me hope I did a good job! Yall already know the drill, re-blogs are always welcomed along with hearts and other stuff}

[deceptive-daydreams]

Ok, I'm finished with work, I'm here! 🤣 I did read this before my shift but was waiting to do a proper response till now. It was super early and it was thundering and lightning and raining real hard outside and it was the perfect setting for reading this chapter ⛈️

The flashbacks! The way you wrote her pain was so real. Particularly her feeling paralyzed by it, both of them shells of who she thought they were. Her describing him as home, that was gut wrenching. I was hurting reading it. And then the sugar analogy, he really is gritty but sweet. this whole paragraph was my favourite part I think. You've created such good imagery, it's fantastic.

And then they get mean. I liked that she clapped back though. I've seen mean Eddie fics before and sometimes reader is kinda meek and just takes it (no shade at all, I would 200% be like this in real life) but roadkill does not. The line 'you had no intention of entertaining a conversation with someone who never had your best interest in mind' hit hard. People need to bear this in mind more often (definitely not me 👀) it's inspiring. but he really does try and that part where they're admitting they like eachother but it's all wrong because it's too late. This was 'stick a fork in my heart and just pluck it out beat it to death' angst. Just amazing writing. It's like they're breaking up and they weren't even together.

The self fulfilling prophecy situation Eddie's created for himself was hard. He's convinced he doesn't deserve love and fucks up every good thing in his life, and he makes it so. Isn't mature enough at the time so see it doesn't have to be that way, that he could make better choices. And so the kitchen scene at the end proves it. Poor roadkill. Proves that then was not the right time for them. He needed to get to the present day point to realise that he can make better choices, and he does 🖤

And now they're trapped together! And a totally different kind of trapped than just working together. Forced proximity within forced proximity. Very clever, see what you did there! I love that he's such a rock for her in her distress. And his thoughts on if she were his, how she never would be, how he's somehow fallen even harder. Stop iiiit you're killing me 😭 although this undoubtedly confirms he's got zero going on emotionally with Steve, and he even tells her that! Fist bumping the air at that! Their whole conversion after this was amazing. He's being so honest and she's clinging onto this shitty version of him she's gotten comfortable with because she's stubborn. and seems very good at holding a grudge and I relate to this so much. You have no idea. 'Don't mess me up with your niceness when I'm not used to it, I don't like change' kinda deal. The dialogue was so good here, the direction it goes. She's laying it out how awful it was and telling him how it's affected her dating in particular all this time and his reaction is perfect, it's a great take on misogyny and how that situation would have been terrifying and he understands that now. They were barking. Gross. But they end the conversation on good terms! Not forgiveness, but a ceasefire maybe? I can just see them attempting a friendship and it getting harder for him to hide how gone he is on her 🖤

p.s. them picturing touching eachothers noses the exact same way! I'm scrrreaming 😍 they're gonna be so in love and I can't wait.

Why you were ever scared to post this absolute masterpiece of a character study I'll never know. I loved it. But I guess you can tell that by now 🫣

🖤🖤

ILY IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO GET YOUR ASKS AFTER EVERY CHAPTER 😭

ugh yes that is such a fitting setting like just really setting the mood right there

IM SO HAPPY YOU LOVED THE SUGAR ANALOGY THAT WAS LIKE MY FAVORITE ugh I think that may be my favorite paragraph too 🥹

Yeah I found it really important for her not to hold back or excuse any of his behavior (even tho I’m totally the opposite idk like I’m so shy I would be like ok) UGH YES it feels like a huge breakup but there was never a relationship to begin with so in a way it’s more achey :(

I LOVE forced proximity, ik it’s been done so often but that’s because it’s so good like it just makes you yearn for them so to then double it is like YES NOW YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR DEMONS OUT WITH EACH OTHER HAHA

I’m so glad the take on misogyny landed well

you have no idea how excited I am for them to stop being idiots and just kiss BUT WE ARENT THERE YET

I WAS SO PROUD OF THE NOSE TOUCHING PARALLEL like it’s so simple but it makes you feel their yearning even if they don’t quite realize it yet SO IM GLAD YOU LIKED THAT PART 🥹

thank you thank you thank you I cannot thank you enough for your support on this fic I adore all of your feedback 😭����💜💜💜💜

[dzpenumbra]

2/9/23

I'm just gonna say it. It is difficult to add a Turing test for making a Tumblr account? Is it complicated? Does it cost too much money or something? Or have these bots just gotten smart enough to bypass them? The bot accounts on this site are just like... absolutely insane. At least they have been the past few months, I have no idea how long this flood has been a thing, I've only been here since like... August, I think?

I'll be honest, it's not a good look. Like... I swear, if Tumblr had an answer for this? They'd be in really good shape. This is a really cool atmosphere, I wish I had given it a chance sooner. But the amount of bots creeping around reminds me of that scene in the last Matrix movie (the last "real" one, sorry Lana, I really do appreciate the concepts behind what you were trying to do, but even your sibling tapped out on it, and I have to side with them, unfortunately) - let me clarify, in Matrix Revolutions, when Neo is in the City and all those bug robots are swarming around him. Like that. Just... off-putting. Like, what the fuck are they up to? I mean... they're up to something...

Today, I woke up at a somewhat decent hour. I checked the clock and confirmed 8 hours of sleep, which was awesome. Still catching up on sleep, as always... I decided to watch the Subnautica: Below Zero playthrough I've been following in bed to start the day. Depression and grief thing. I watched the same streamer do a playthrough of Project Zomboid when my dog died, so... I don't know, it's weirdly comforting, in a grim kinda way. Like my dog and cat are together now. And it reminds me of how my cat would cuddle with me and grieve with me. I'm very enraptured with the Subnautica playthrough, I love the series. I just cut an episode short to write this.

I was watching that, and lazily trying to navigate Bumble... with very little luck... I swear, these dating apps are just... it's pure depression fuel. In the 4 years that I've been on Bumble and Hinge, I have had 2 successful matches. One was a very brief text exchange through the app over the course of one night which just... evaporated... like I've had more personal conversations with cashiers before... and the other was an alcoholic woman with an STD who just separated from her husband, and just got out of a psych ward for reasons she didn't fully disclose... though who am I to judge, I've been to mental health facilities as well, but my intakes were voluntary so... I feel like my lesson to learn there was to... get more info... or run... still not 100% sure. This woman, a week after my dog died, brought the skeletons of 3 goats over to my home, made me watch Bo Burnham's special about how he was in the same type of isolation as me during the pandemic, gave me one of the worst panic attacks of my life... which I miraculously recovered from within less than 5 minutes... and then... she got freaked out and left. Called me the next day to do the whole, "it's not you, it's me..." And I - to myself, of course - wholeheartedly agreed with her. She needs help, first from herself, then from others. So... let's just say I haven't had a lot of luck with dating apps... XD

My morning was disrupted by the neighbors above running what sounded like... I mean, I guess it was a vacuum? Or maybe a steam cleaner? But it sounded like an industrial autoclave or something. Like, it sounded big and fuckin loud. And it was like... 10:30 AM? I was a little upset at first reaction, but made hay pretty quick. I went downstairs and decided that the best thing I could do was something with headphones on. I decided to pop on the cans and start polishing a new stone. I haven't done that in a long time. I had been using the tumbler for most of my stones and I'm still waiting on the new polish. (OH but I did get my new yoga pants today so yay!) So I took one of the stones my mom mailed to me from her new driveway that she found that she liked a lot and I worked that thing for 2 fucking hours. I really enjoy hand-faceting stones, it's hard work but I find it very rewarding. I wish I had some sort of rig to hold the stone stable so I could be a bit more deliberate and consistent with my angles, but this was a very organic shape so I just sorta went with it, abandoned symmetry entirely and I think it still came out really nice. And the stone was much softer than I was expecting. I think it's veins of calcite running through slate or something? I don't know, I'm not a geologist, I just like making pretty things prettier.

I did yoga. It was really quick today, just like 10-15 minutes. But it had that pose where you go from downward dog and lift one leg? And you're supposed to have your down leg rooted at your heel... but I can't get myself into downward dog and plant my heels. So I kept fumbling around with it and bringing my hands closer in to compensate... and then I was supposed to like... curl my leg above me and stack my hips, while keeping both hands planted. And I just... I could do it on my left side kinda I guess, with my right foot planted, but once we switched I was just falling over. It's frustrating. But, to be fair to myself, my flexibility has massively improved overall. Like I went to stretch my hamstrings earlier and I could touch the floor, which... well, it's been a while.

I took a shower and started to get ready for meeting up with my brother, nephew and sister-in-law for dinner. We went to a really nice chinese restaurant in town - I mean like... really fancy. Like way above any budget I'd be earning in my lifetime. And my socially oblivious ass just doesn't even mention the bill, which is honestly probably a godsend for them that they don't have to deal with the awkwardness of insisting on paying for the expensive meal they suggested. Idk, my brother works in the stock market and my sister in law is a doctor, and I'm a fucking artist who doesn't sell anything so... I'm just gonna kinda assume it's pretty obvious I won't be paying for dinner... XD

I got there early and parked in a parking garage I haven't parked in in... probably 15 years? They don't do paper tickets anymore, it was super confusing, I had no idea what to do. I fumbled around with the app thing on my phone but I didn't want to take my credit card out in a parking garage to put my number into it, because... I mean, there was a homeless guy yelling across the street at the entrance so like... yeah. So I just said fuck it. I walked down this main street, it's like... one of those streets in a city that is specifically for walking only, you know? And it's just lined with shops and shit. When I used to live in this city, my apartment was a block from the top of this street, and my community college was halfway down the street, so I spent a ton of time there. I mean, I remember sitting on a big rock on the street playing guitar for people, busking and making enough to buy coffee. That's a fond memory. I was so much more confident back then.

Now... I was super overwhelmed. I was amazed, and intrigued by everything. The buildings felt very tall around me, I recognized nearly none of the shops. I found some cool new age shops and a skate shop and I was interested in checking them out, but I didn't have time. I had to get the reservation for my brother and them, they were running late. On my way to the restaurant, a homeless guy asked me if I had a few dollars to spare. And to make it clear how long it has been since I have encountered this... they used to ask "do you have any spare change". And now, with inflation and fucking stupid costs of living, he asked "do you have some spare cash", and even a few dollars isn't enough for these poor people. Imagine how insulted and angry that guy would be if I gave him a 50 cents. I... kept staring wide-eyed at the buildings as I walked by and pretended I didn't hear him. I felt really bad. I did have some spare cash, but... I remembered that in my... inattentiveness... I keep forgetting to take the cash out of my wallet. I don't have anywhere else to put it, frankly. And inside my wallet, I have the cash that the administrator of the retreat I went to to detox off meds gave me for an illustration commission. It was like $400. I'm not fucking kidding. And I don't know what to do with this cash because like... who the fuck breaks a $100 in 2023? And I never leave my damn house. And I don't want to like... leave it in some random doom drawer in my house, it'll just disappear. I don't know what to do with it, honest. So like... I just have it in my wallet. And I'm walking by this guy and going, "I know I have cash, but I also know if that fucker sees that I have over $400 and a pair of AirPods on me, he's taking all of it or I'm getting stabbed." And, to top it off, I'm fucking alone. So... yeah, I was super fucking anxious. And I think rightfully so. It went fine, obviously, but like... that shook me a bit.

I should really just get rid of that cash, I guess I can go to my bank? And see if I can deposit it somehow? It's not like I can feed it into an ATM or something. I'm so fucking dumb with this stuff, I swear, no one taught me any of this. It's super embarrassing. So yeah, maybe I'd be less panicky if I didn't have that cash on me.

Dinner was great. Great to see my nephew, a riot as always. Good catching up and chilling. We did this thing at the restaurant where the chef just picked what we were going to eat and they just brought a bunch of courses out for us. All vegetarian, because my brother has been vegetarian since... I'm gonna venture to say since Clinton was in office. Which was actually cool with me, because I don't like fish - never ate it my entire life, never got a taste for it so it's super overwhelming to my senses now - and I don't really like beef either. Just pork and chicken for me, usually just chicken, if I'm being honest. The food was a big adventure of new flavors, things I'd probably never order off a menu myself. So, it was a big wave of new experiences today.

I was super overwhelmed at the beginning of dinner, and super drowsy because the sun was going down. That's been happening a lot lately. But I bounced back after getting a pot of Jasmine tea in me.

I noticed, in reflection after the fact, that I talk very openly and frequently about my mental health. And I'm starting to think that might not be a good thing. I know it's habit, I mean... how could it not be? Like... since about... 2018? The vast majority of my social interactions have been revolving around mental health. And by vast majority, I mean like.. 80-90% of my conversations, no exaggeration. When that is your life, when every conversation is like a therapy session (or actually is a therapy session), you really are forced to get comfortable with sharing. Like... if you go to group therapy and never speak up, you're just cheating yourself. So, powering through those reflexes and getting comfortable with talking about my mental health has actually... tipped into the realm of maybe being awkward for people.

Like... I'm talking to my sister-in-law about how my PTSD makes it hard for me to open up to a doctor in only 15 minutes, like I start freezing and stumbling over my words on simple questions and shit, and how I can only imagine how hard it makes their job to try to get all the information and diagnose and set up treatment and everything in 15 fucking minutes! Something is just going horribly wrong there. But like... I'm just hoping I'm not making things awkward. I really don't even notice it anymore, like... the way I spoke to them, the way I speak to my therapist and the way I speak here are all like... basically identical. It's just... my thoughts. My pure thoughts. I still have some boundaries, I mean it's not like they need to know about my sexual habits or how my hemorrhoids are doing, especially at a dinner table... But I'm afraid it might be awkward for them to talk about mental health stuff. I don't know, it's hard to tell. Maybe I should ask at some point?

After dinner, I went home. It was pretty warm today, I was getting bummed as I drove back that all the snow was melting. I was getting a big craving to go skate. And then I saw this dude slip on ice as he was walking back from a night class, when I drove by a local college. And he didn't know I saw him, I pretended I didn't see so he didn't feel embarrassed, not that he should be, it's like the lowest friction substance in the fucking world... And that planted a seed, which sprouted once I got to the rotary park where I skate. I scouted it out as I drove by - there was still snow. I pulled into my "car park", as my South African accented Siri likes to call it, which makes me smile. And as I walked in, I put my foot in a pile of snow by the door to see what the conditions were like. The snow was something close to the condition of like... a Slurpee, or something. If you're not American and don't know what that is, I don't know how to help you, like... a slushie? Like that kind of snow/ice. Like sleet that is cold enough to take solid form. That kind of snow is... not ideal because it's right on the edge of going to slush and certain ground/stone/pavement can retain heat... and the friction and pressure from skating can just turn that snow right into a slow, wet, soggy mess. But if the temperature is low enough... you get all the packability of wet snow, and that slush effect doesn't happen, and it also doesn't instantly turn to ice like it does on colder nights... And that's pretty much the conditions I got to work with tonight. So I stretched and I went skating.

But my dumb ass didn't bring my water bottle.

I tried skating the 2-stair, but that whole warm stone turning packed snow into slush thing? That was happening right where I was supposed to pop. Right at the lip of the first stair. It was just crap. But there was snow all over. I skated flatground for a while. My ollie was doing really well today, very consistent, good pop too. I was getting more comfortable and accurate with pop shuvits. I couldn't land a 3 shuv to save my life, unfortunately, when it's slushier it feels tougher to get that extra rotation because the snow has more give to it. At least that's what my head tells me. But I got a moving kickflip, maybe 2? I don't remember. Then I went to that section where I had a long downhill section of sidewalk to build speed and a natural kicker where it goes flat and then inclines down again, and I skated that for a bit until a dude came over and just... sat like 25 feet away from where that ramp was... I got paranoid and stopped skating it for a bit. Then I saw a smoke cloud come from there. And I'm sure it was just weed smoke, and it was probably some college kid who just couldn't smoke in his apartment and wanted to smoke somewhere chill, so he chose the park at like 9PM alone. I get it, I just... I was really anxious from earlier, and in general, so I just stopped skating that spot. I went over to the 4-stair, landed it at least 3 times. Went back to flat and started trying to get varial flip. I've never had it... perfectly consistent. Like... I've landed a few and I got pretty good at them, but I was never really consistent. There was a point where I could pull out kickflip and heelflip (on the right surfaces, at least) pretty much every try. Less so with heelflip, but still. Varial flip was never at that level. But today, I landed like 3 on flat not moving. I clearly remember a moment where it just clicked and I was like "oh, that's what it feels like!" And it felt as easy as a shuvit and I just popped, flicked, floated and the board just lined up right under my feet. And I came damn close to landing it moving, but I just couldn't stick it. I had to tap out.

What I kinda want to get off my chest - which is a fun way of putting it, once you see what I'm gonna talk about - was something I was freaking out about while skating. When I went to the doctor's office, they told me I have high blood pressure. Like... that's not heart rate, right? Like... pressure is different. And they were going to check it again to see if it was just anxiety, but like... they didn't. So that lack of resolution has just been sticking with me. And I got really anxious about it today. Like, I was getting chest pains and tightness and shit. And I've been getting that a lot from anxiety, so like... if I was having actual heart and pulmonary issues, I probably wouldn't notice, honestly. So I would just get a lot of invasive thoughts about like... exercising too hard, pushing myself too hard and then just fucking passing out and collapsing in the park. Like... I'm old now, or something. And I like... I'm not that old. I keep hearing people around my age, mid-30's, and they keep acting like they're in their fucking 60's or something. It's fucking weird, sorry. Like, my body aches too, guys. My back feels like garbage, my neck and posture are fucked, my hips have decided to secede and are staging regular protests against the rest of my body. I'm tired all the time, when I get hurt it takes a lot more to get me back up, I get tired quicker, shit like that. But I'm not fucking old. The people who consider me old don't consider themselves young and they're like 18. So... I'll consider calling myself old when I get to my mid 50s or something, thanks. But on the pulmonary front, I want to make sure I'm not being too cavalier and overlooking potential health issues that are avoidable, because I do have a history of blood-related issues (clots) and I do not have the best diet. I actually have a pretty poor diet. So... yeah, just wanna make sure that didn't creep up on me, and today was especially bad anxiety-wise in that department.

But, on the plus side, some kids saw me skating from their apartment... and they actually saw me land my first varial flip of the year and fucking cheered! I was listening to music in my headphones so I was just oblivious to the outside world, and they cheered so loud that I could hear them! It made me so happy. I wanted to say something about like... if there are any gods that give a fuck about them, I hope they throw some good stuff their way, but man, it's been a hot minute since I've heard anyone talk about religion publicly and that... feels a bit scary, honestly. Feels like people are just gonna come after you if you're polytheistic in 2023, you know? Weird shit, when we're supposed to be all evolved and progressive and whatever but yeah. I guess... I hope good fortune finds those two young men, for bringing excitement and joy to the heart of this grieving, depressed 36 year old snowskater.

Since I didn't have water, I ate a bunch of snow when I was out, but that wasn't nearly enough and I just came back early. And that was basically my night. I finished the night by polishing another one of those stones and watching another "episode" and a half of the Subnautica VoDs. Now I'm here.

Another cool idea I had, which I shared with my brother because I know he's really into languages... I decided to search Twitch today for streamers who speak French. I took 3 years of French in college, and I surprisingly still understand a lot. I could never speak it, but I can read it okay, just really slow. So I found someone who was playing League of Legends, a game I am pretty familiar with (but haven't played in like... 5 years?) and just... had that going in the background. And I got the Google Translate app thing for Chrome so I can just select a word that I don't know in the chat and it will real-time translate for me. I could follow a surprising amount, considering I haven't studied French since like... 2004. Wow, almost 20 years. Crazy. I'm pretty sure if I keep that up and just periodically try to like... figure out where they are in conversation? I'm sure I'll start picking up more and more. And maybe eventually I'll be able to chime in some short sentences every now and again. Who knows. I thought it was cool, something new to spice things up and to contribute to intellectual/skill development.

I am fucking tired. I need to go to bed. Byeeee.

[fanfictasia]

tags from @im-no-jedi which I HAD to put here BECAUSE I AGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE!!!!

And like I didn't mean to write a whole essay about this, but -

ASDFJALSKDJF;LASDFJ;ASLDJ I’m so glad someone else finally noticed. Hunter’s such a mess now. Like. I know why he’s doing this, but to see that he’s doing it??? It says everything about the type of relationship Hunter and Omega have.

When someone you love is hurt, you don’t work yourself to the ground to help them if you mutually love each other, because you know they would never want that from you. But Hunter? He doesn’t know that, because of the hell Crosshair put him through, and the way his self-worth issues have gone through the roof since this all started. And not to mention how Omega treats him. He’s doing this, because he knows that’s what she expects of him. I genuinely cannot even say nearly enough about the sheer unhealthiness of their relationship. Like???????? YOU DON’T DO THAT she’s not worth more just because she’s a kid!! THEY’RE KIDS TOO! Hunter’s like. What. Ten years old now??? He ought to be in middle school. It’s so easy to forget that.

And yeah, Hunter’s the one who needs rescuing. Not anybody else. He’s their leader. The one who holds them together. They’re not even a squad anymore. Idk what they are, but you can hardly even call them a family considering the shambles they’re in now.

I’m so, so scared to see what’s going to happen to Hunter’s mental state. He never talks to anyone, and nobody is ever there to help him. They demand the impossible of him, and he bends over backward nonstop in a frantic, failed attempt to please everybody, and nobody cares how he feels. That’s been repeated time and time again and I just AKSDJF;LAKSDJF;LAKSD

I am SO scared to know how Hunter’s gonna react when he realizes Crosshair and Omega made it out without him. All he’s been trying for months and risking Wrecker’s life over and over so many times for, even if it’s so obvious he wants to just rest, was to get her back. To get her out of there, but in the end? If they’d just settled down like they wanted, she’d have made it back and everything he and Wrecker have gone through has been for NOTHING. Like. Epic failure right there.

And let’s be honest here – I have NO idea who can actually help Hunter. It’d hafta be a joint effort of everybody who ever hurt him – Echo, Crosshair, Omega, Tech assuming he’s going to get his goggle-less self out of whatever hole Hemlock dumped him into. Like. Wrecker is maybe the only person who hasn’t hurt Hunter irreparably?? And I’m very afraid Omega being back, with her overwhelming pushy-ness, is going to force Hunter into YET ANOTHER long series of things he has zero consent in. And inevitably, he’s never gonna say anything, and just. JASKDLFJASDLKFJASDL;KFJASLDKSA

I don’t exactly trust Crosshair with him, but… idk. I want to think Crosshair’s genuinely remorseful and might try to make up for what he’s done but that could just as well be wishful thinking… his kindness to Omega says nothing. We already know he’s more protective/kind to her than of the own brothers he grew up with.

ANYWAY THE POINT IS CAN SOMEBODY JUST HUG HUNTER PLZ HE NEEDS IT

PS: Excuse my meltdown, but I can literally cry over Hunter’s terribly screwed up life all day and night so –

Hunter is so obsessed with rescuing Omega, he doesn't notice *he* needs rescuing, too, in a different sense. His prison is not literal like iron bars, it's in his head, limiting his options, diminishing the empathy for the rest of his squad. He's a fallen Paladin who hasn't caught up to his own fall yet; still holding up his belief in family values while sacrificing family members repeatedly. Chasing after Omega isn't even about *her* anymore, it's about the idea she represents. There is this illusion that the family will be fixed and everything will be okay once Hunter has successfully rescued her. That's of course a delusion. Hunter won't rescue anybdoy, least of all himself.

Anyway, I bet Crosshair and Omega will rescue Hunter, not the other way round.