#Gold Digger review

[bug-light]

GOLD DIGGERS OF 1933: 3.5/5

bold, brash, modern. i need 20 more of those musical set-pieces, but otherwise this is a hoot! a fun time capsule of a dusty, bad moment, and a cross-section of how two class strata dealt with a future they couldn’t see. the ending is powerful, and honestly punches above the movie's weight class.  the promise of a Pre-Code Hollywood.

the plot meanders in Act 2, but it gives the characters room to breathe and show off who they are in a pinch.  but my GOD, the musical numbers! holy cow! heightened, conceptual, real art.

Dick Powell’s aw-shucks boy charm (like Erroll Flynn’s Robin Hood) isn’t something that i like watching for long stretches, but there’s still something about his candor that’s contemporary. now, Aline MacMahon and Joan Blondell? there’s the magic. they have a graceful, electric ping-pong as a duo. a Transatlantic Amy Poehler/Tina Fey. Ruby Keeler, to me, is like the exact mental image of “1930’s soft-but-funny leading lady”. not as magnetic as the rest of the cast, or a Ginger Rogers, but not a bad actor at all.

a weird consequence of “The Discourse” is this weird belief that every single movie made before 2011 is misogynistic or homophobic et. al. and it’s not an unfounded take, but it’s also just… not true. this movie passes this Bechdel test in the first 5 minutes, and its characters run circles around most modern movies in the post-Buzzfeed era. each of the leads is a fully formed human, with lived-in dynamic relationships. they’re put down by the Depression, but they’re never squashed into one dimension. most of this cast are powerful women who know exactly who the fuck they are. the men that get in their way? the ass-grabbers? they’re a joke. men, especially rich misogynists, are infants to pity. even the most heteronormative things in the script are sort of delivered like a joke. "oh yeah a woman MUST have a man" in the last number isn't sincere, it's the popcorn version of reality, an escapist trope the movie knows it’s using.

that’s the thing, really. people look at a movie like this and think an audience was so stupid 90 years ago that they weren’t in on the joke. we haven’t really changed that much. you can be critical that only 3 unnamed people of color that show up in New York City (and i am), but the social politics of this script haven’t changed at all in almost 100 years. 

if this came out today it would be a queer cult classic. poverty, disenfranchisement, solidarity with your friends, fragile masculinity, camp.

[mxdwn]

PHOTO REVIEW: crêpe girl at Gold-Diggers

https://music.mxdwn.com/2024/04/30/news/live-review-crepe-girl-at-gold-diggers/

[exhaslo]

Over-Time Ch6

(CEO!Miguel x Shy/Clumsy!Reader)

Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4,Ch5

Warning: MINORS DNI, sexual thoughts, eventual smut, slow-burn, mentions of sex, bullying, cussing, fluff

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"Slow and steady wins the race,"

You whispered repeatedly to yourself as you carried Miguel's coffee, snack and your smoothie. You knew well enough that if you rushed then something was going to spill. This was your first official week as Miguel's secretary without Lyla.

You had to be perfect!

It was nerve wracking. Especially with that small incident you had last week. Sure, Lyla reassured you that everything was fine, but it wasn't. You had started to dream about Miguel-your boss! You've heard of workplace crushes...

But Miguel was the CEO?

If your feelings were to ever come out, Miguel might see you as a gold digger. It frighten you. Miguel was kind, handsome and worked hard for his company. You would hate to see him give you a disgusted look if he found out you liked him.

"That's the new secretary. We might actually be able to get away with shit now that Lyla's gone."

"Shh, she might hear you."

"It's fine. She bumped into the CEO on day one and almost cried during the interview I heard. She's a pushover."

Biting your lower lip, you hurried into the elevator. You had just started and there were already rumors. You always were the easiest one to bully. Was this place really going to be any different than your last job?

Once you reached your floor, you couldn't stop thinking about the rumors. Everyone already thought of you as a crybaby and pushover. You knew they were going to intimidate you for favors now.

Taking deep breathes, you knocked before entering Miguel's office. You forced a smile as you placed his coffee and snack on his desk.

"Good morning, sir. You have your first meeting at 9am. Until then, you have received multiple proposals from new business partners who want to collaborate with Alchemax."

"Perfect score," Miguel smiled as he grabbed his coffee, "(Y/N), you don't have to be so tense. Relax."

"S-Sorry."

"Don't apologize. When we're alone, you can just be yourself." Miguel reassured you.

And just like that, all of your worries went away.

"Thank you. Um, I know I won't be of much help, but is there anything I can help you with?" You offered.

"Your company is more than enough,"

---------

Miguel had noticed the grim look on your face when you entered his office. He wanted to ask you what was wrong, but it might have been strange. He wasn't to that level with you yet. Miguel wanted to be more forward, but you still needed to adjust to the job.

Just having you by his side was enough for now.

The day went pretty well, Miguel had to make sure you knew that. Since it was your first day solo, Miguel wanted to keep reminding you of how well of a job you were doing.

"Hehe," You hid your smile behind your tablet.

Miguel was in awe. You were so cute. With all the bullshit in his life, Miguel had to wonder how someone like you just landed on his lap.

"Our last stop is just the labs, correct?" Miguel questioned. You pressed the elevator button, nodding,

"Yep. Just a usual check up on some of the projects. Some of our partners want an update by the end of the month so this would be a good start on reviews."

"Perfect."

Unable to resist, Miguel reached forward and patted your head. He loved the dazed look you gave him. Quickly moving his hand away as those dirty thoughts returned, Miguel cleared his throat. He had to behave himself.

Watching you enter the elevator first, Miguel had ever thought to press the emergency stop and fuck you then and there. How sweet would those moans of yours be? How good would your feel squeezing against his dick?

"Um, it was floor 18, first, right?" You asked, double checking.

"Hm?" Miguel followed you inside, glancing down at your tablet, "I forget how many floors are dedicated to labs. Yes, we can start there."

He HAD to stop thinking like this. Standing beside you, Miguel just inhaled deeply. There were many things he did as a CEO that he wasn't proud of. Treating you like a fuck doll was not going to be one of those things.

KABOOM

"Ah!"

Miguel flinched as the elevator shook. He quickly grabbed you as the two of you fell on the floor, the lights shutting off and the elevator freezing in place.

Holding your head against his chest, Miguel groaned as he slowly looked around. The power was off and it seemed like the two of you were stuck. Rubbing your back, Miguel resisted a groan as he got a good whiff of your perfume,

"(Y/N), are you alright?"

---------

Your heart was racing a mile a minute as you sobbed quietly. The explosion had spooked you to your core. The only thing that was comforting you was Miguel's embrace as he kept you safe. Honestly, you could stay like this forever.

"(Y/N), are you alright?" Miguel asked softly. You raised your head, sniffing softly,

"Y-Yea...What...What happened?"

"Not sure, let me make a quick call," Miguel said.

Right as you were about to leave his embrace, Miguel pulled you back in. You squeaked, glancing at him, but Miguel kept you firmly in place, his hand rubbing your back as you trembled.

"You're shaking," Miguel whispered as he was on the phone, "Yes, what happened?"

You could faintly hear the other person on the line. Apparently there was an explosion in one of the labs and it shut off the power.

"Tch, get it back on. I'm stuck in the elevator." Miguel hissed before hanging up, "Just relax for me, (Y/N), it's going to be okay."

"I-I know...I-I know....but...A-Are you sure it's okay....for me to be like this?" You stuttered against his chest.

You felt Miguel's chest rise as he scoffed.

"I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise." He said softly, "You're still so nervous around me..."

Miguel's tone was so gentle. His hand stroked your cheek, wiping away any tears you had. Did Miguel not know how he was making you feel? This just made you want him more.

"Sorry," You whispered, "It's...It's just weird...you know....You're the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world...I'm just a clumsy worker."

"You're more than just a clumsy worker," Miguel said with a chuckle, his grip tightening around your waist, "You don't give yourself enough credit, (Y/N)."

"Y-You know...it's embarrassing" You whispered, smiling softly, "To be complimented by someone as great as you. It makes me feel better,"

"I'm not that great," Miguel hummed lowly, focusing on your lips, "I'm still one of those greedy and scummy CEOs."

"Not to me,"

"Hn," Miguel tilted his head as he made eye contact with you, "You know, (Y/N). You're different than the other girls. I like that about you, but it also makes me want to make selfish demands."

"Like what?"

You weren't sure what came over you. The atmosphere this elevator was giving off was throwing your sense of judgement out the window. You and Miguel were so close to each other, enjoying each other's embrace.

Both of you unsure of when this elevator was going to turn back on. Honestly, you felt the tension. You only thought this moment happened in movies.

"If I say...you might hate me," Miguel sighed, his lips inches away from yours before pulling away, "I enjoy what we have."

"So do I," You rolled your lips inward as you thought, "I won't hate you, Miguel...I just...I just want to do the best I can...So make whatever selfish request you have."

"Hm, don't regret it then."

You gasped softly as Miguel swapped places and pinned you against the elevator wall. His body hovering over yours. You could feel your heart racing as his hands stroked your cheeks, drawing you closer to him.

The look in his eyes were lustful. As if he was already swallowing you whole before even doing anything. Your body was starting to grow hot from just the eye contact.

Right as you thought he was about to kiss you, the elevator turned on. Miguel cussed lowly, helping you up,

"Guess this is fate telling me to wait," He said with a hurt chuckle. You furrowed your brows and squeezed his hand,

"J-Just....let me know...when...." You whispered shyly.

You knew damn well what was going to happen. Miguel was going to kiss you and you were totally ready for it.

Feeling Miguel squeeze your hand back in response, you glanced towards your boss. He gave you a smile before letting go of your hand as the doors open to the floor you needed to be on.

"Until then, business as usual." Miguel hummed. You followed behind him, smiling softly,

"Mhm,"

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Next Chapter

@timidquindim @decentsoupperson @ivkygirly @reader-1290 @daddyfroglegs @eepybunny0805 @ddreabea @iamperson12280 @migueloharasoulmate @tojishugetiddies @koko-1025 @hyeinwluv85s @daisy-artfield @migueloharastruelove @a-lil-whore @hcqwxrtss123 @the-pan-liquid @tojisfav @pochapo @bubblegumfanfictions @brighterthanlonelythoughts @ghstypaint @mangoslushcrush @synamonthy @scaleniusrm @moonspectorx @dorck26 @a060403 @lunablackcosplay @soraya-daydreams @lovefanfic1 @mymrsweirdnessshipperstuff-blog @pretty-pink-princesss @corpsebridenightamare @razertail18 @gachagator @droolingmuttt @miguelsfavwife @ryzguy06 @raideaters-blog @manishkaworld @keidilla @byjessicalotufo @pigeonmama @k3ythesapphic @acesangels @stealingyourturts @angel-xx-1 @amberbalcom14 @ofmenanduhhhwellmen @oscarissac2099 @keepghostly @zeyzeys-stuff @k3ythesapphic @nightingale1011 @uncle-eggy @safixiovi @flaps200 @dahehow @weirdothatwritess @gerblinradio @electronicchaoschaos @mafiaanomaly @keyisloved @unwrittenletter @reader4life @leenasgirl200 @oscarissac2099 @mari0-o @cinnamoro1l @leryg0 @hizzielover

[pompadourpink]

It's a new beginning!

Hello children,

September is coming, school too for some of you - often a great moment for a bit of decluttering and a few new good resolutions. Here am I, offering myself as one of them!

As you hopefully know, I started this blog in 2016 and have been a private tutor since the beginning of the pandemic. I have room at the moment for several new students, so here is what I offer:

Classes, obviously - the typical schedule is one hour a week, sometimes one and a half, or one every two weeks, or two every two weeks; typically same day same time (I'm always happy to make adjustments if you work shifts)

Homework, if you can make the time for it. I typically prefer it to be finished by the middle of the week so that I have time to take a look and correct it, giving you the opportunity to give it a second try before class!

Depending on your preferences, either just a few activities so we can take our time, especially if you are a beginner, or something a bit more dynamic consisting in five to ten minute long activities to keep you motivated and alert (which seems to be a crowd's favourite as most of my students are neurodivergent).

Talking activities are typically answering series of questions I share from my Notion, talking about your week, summarising a book or a movie, making me guess a word or a person, or a concept I call "alien talk" where you explain something (like a vaccine or insurance) from scratch to a little red man.

Writing activities are often fictional (I have students create a little character on a website and we write an update about their life regularly), they can also be an overview of your month, a letter to quit your horrible job or convince Snoop Dog to marry you because you are a gold digger.

Transcribing activities, especially at the beginning, are either me reading very easy sentences so you can write them down and memorise the way things sound, then it's episodes from young children's shows, extracts from very famous movies, then we hit harder and turn to gameshows or podcasts.

Translating activities, from one language to another, are a written translation of the first page of a novel (I did the Secret History recently), or a newspapers article (we are working on this one at the moment); or an oral translation of songs lyrics, fairytales, children's books, muted captioned playthroughs of your favourite games on Youtube, etc.

Finally, a few games: silly quizzes, crosswords, Wordle and even Quordle, hangman, and sometimes we even sing if you're comfortable with that.

Here is the link of my website where you will find reviews and a list of what to send me to get the process started. A few things to know:

I try to make the activities fit your preferences: get me a list of what you like and that is what we will work on. If your first language is not English, I am happy to include it, I'm always eager to learn (I've been reviewing my Spanish this way!)

I work without cameras. I don't need to see your face, I just need a voice and a good Internet connection. All students are welcome, no matter if you have an accent, a stutter, or disabilities. Do not be afraid of being judged, there is none of that here.

I ask for your contact information to be able to do my billing, no one else sees it and no one will know if you give me the address of a building in your area if you feel more comfortable this way. If you prefer to have a lesson first and decide that you want to continue before sending me your info, that's also an option.

I have a student and a regular rate, depending on what you can afford, and we can make different arrangements if your country's rate makes it too difficult, I've done it before.

Please comment if you have a question!

Much love,

Rose

[princesscomplexed]

i wish i could screenshot the whole essay but alas…anyway so i assume most people when they first read this essay will roll their eyes, not think nicely of the writer, think they’re using being femme as some excuse etc etc etc but idk…quick vent ig lol but i can’t help but admire her and femmes like her.

as a black girl, the worst thing in the world is for you to be anything close to what is perceived as “selfish” or “high maintenance”. black girls are for the people™️, they’re supposed to hold down everyone, put others first and don’t expect anything personal in return because the reward is the community or seeing their man be successful. being a “high maintenance” black girl means you’re a gold digger (a top insult to throw at black women) or some other negative term. combine that conditioning along with growing up poor (and in my case, other personal stuff), you learn to shrink yourself down, never be “too much”. people only like the pushy, knows what she wants black girl when they’re making her a symbol for something.

there are very few people i feel comfortable being that sorta bitchy, prissy, campy way around because im often scared id be a “bad representation” of something.

so i admire women like the author that revel in their “too muchness”. i want to get to the point where i can openly write something so obnoxious (and i use that word lovingly. shout out to this author fr) and not feel guilty or as though i need to put it in a nicer more palatable way. i don’t want to make this vent super long cuz i think i might write something on substack when i can better articulate myself lol but yeah anyway this essay and dykette they can never make me hate you. representation for femmes that make people roll their eyes and go “here she goes again…”

[deke-rivers-1957]

Clambake Review

This is often considered to be the worst Elvis film ever made. Even Elvis himself allegedly hated making the film. However, it's most likely because of the fact that Elvis suffered from that infamous concussion just before filming started. A lot of fans who watched this film say that you can see Elvis is ailing. Does his acting suffer because of it or just fan projection? Let's find out.

We immediately start off with the titular song "Clambake". For a movie that takes place in Miami, you wouldn't associate the city with clambake. Or oil rigs. But we don't live in this movie's reality because both of those things exist in Miami apparently. While it is true that Native Americans in Florida developed a technique referred to as a "clambake", a traditional clambake is predominantly held on the Northern East coast. They could've just as easily reused New Orleans if they wanted to include both of those elements.

This is easily one of the worst outfits Elvis ever worn. Scott would never wear this. Based on his character he'd want to be as far away from it as possible. It makes more sense for Tom Wilson to buy this when they switch identities. I know he has to wear something at the beginning to show that he's rich, but I would've used a different outfit.

Charlie Hodge cameos at the barber and gets a line. Imagine my surprise to see that we have an actual character arc that's setup. We understand who Scott is and why he's here in Miami. He's the son of an oil tycoon and wants to make a name for himself. He had a fiancee but he left her when it was clear she only cared for his money. We now have a clear reason to support his identity swap.

I don't hate this Prince and the Pauper type of plot, I just don't like how it's executed. Heyward Oil is everywhere somehow and yet no one recognizes Scott just by the face alone? Sure he's not the head of the company but they recognize his name so they had to have seen him at least once. Maybe I'm missing something, but I think this would've been better if Tom Wilson was played by an actor that looked more like Elvis. Impossible I know, but if Elvis had body doubles in movies, I think it could've been done.

"Who Needs Money" is a terrible duet. Elvis' vocals of course are fine but Tom Wilson's dubbed in vocals just doesn't work. The film doesn't grind to a halt because of this duet, but it's still not a rememberable song. I get that we needed a duet to show that Scott and Tom are both doing this for their own personal gain, but Tom Wilson needed different vocals for this song to be just average. It's also made abundantly clear that Elvis isn't in Miami to film this with the overuse of rear screen projections.

When we get to the hotel, the scene where Jamison is talking with the women is so bizarre. Some of the women's dialogue sounded either effected (meaning they purposely put on a type of voice that suggests bad acting or bad direction) or were dubbed in. It just didn't sound like they were recorded the same way Jamison's voice was recorded. The water-skiing scene also has so much dead air that we're watching Elvis' and Shelly's doubles ski at a far angle shot with no audio outside of the boat's motor. It lasted too long and could've been redone as it just wasn't engaging.

Given that Elvis wasn't actually in Florida, at least this scene has a real background. The lighting naturally matches the time of day it's supposed to be in and they all look like they belong there. I really like Elvis' outfit though as you can at least justify long sleeve shirts with "it's night time so it's going to be cooler".

"A House That Has Everything" is fine. It allows for Scott to seemingly bond with Dianne over being poor. As much as I love Scott's part of this relationship, I just don't understand why he's in love with Dianne. She basically admits to being a gold digger, which Scott wanted to get away from. I understand the point of the movie is that she falls in love with Scott for who he is, but Scott being interested after she admits to being the one thing he wanted to avoid just doesn't make sense to me.

I do appreciate that the movie wants us to dislike Jamison by making him act like a pig for ignoring Dianne's pleas to go away. I also appreciate that this movie didn't go down the path of most Elvis films and have Scott try to fight him ultimately getting him in trouble. Instead we get shown that Scott disapproves of Jamison's actions, but also acknowledges that Dianne's a grown woman who can take care of herself.

For once we have a mid 60s Elvis film that has him have the emotional maturity to know when to pick his battles. I also admit that as much as I don't like his romantic interests in Dianne, I really enjoy seeing him wanting to respect her choices and help her. He's willing to just be a companion and doesn't let any negative feelings for Jamison interfere. A cliched love triangle would've had Scott try to sabotage Jamison to make him look bad in front of Dianne, or Scott try to convince Dianne that Jamison is no good only for her to ignore him. He doesn't do any of that and instead just let's the chips fall where they lie.

This song was easily the worst scene in the entire film. "Confidence" is embarrassingly over 5 minutes long. The editing is just bizarre with a shot that is completely upside down and a clip of the US Calvary. It's so long that there was a stretch of time that Scott isn't even singing. We're just following him and Tom Wilson play with children. Even Red West, cameoing as the ice cream gets involved in playing with the kids for literally no reason. I kid you not, it was so bad that my besties who saw the film with me all had a mini breakdown at how awful and long it was.

I can see why fans say you can see Elvis is struggling in this film. Watching this scene is like watching a man mentally regress to a child's age right before your eyes. What makes it worse is that this scene has absolutely no impact on the plot. Him singing with the kids doesn't make Dianne see Scott in a new light the way, nor do any of the kids help Scott with his boat in anyway. Outside of a throwaway line about having confidence, nothing from this scene was ever mentioned again. This scene's only purpose is to provide filler to pad out the run time.

A ride up of over 2 inches or so should never happen with clothes. That's a sign of how cheap this film was. They couldn't even bother to give Elvis a turtleneck sweater that properly fits. This whole scene is just cringy mid 60s beach party aesthetics. "Clambake" as a song is bad in that I literally couldn't understand a single word of the beginning.

The dancing in this scene isn't good and the colors in the scene hurt my eyes. The only reason why I say this song is better than "Confidence" is that there's an actual reason for this song to exist. Despite being geographically inaccurate, a clambake event was mentioned earlier in the film. Scott would want to be there because he knows Dianne would be there and just in general wanted to have fun.

I like this montage of Scott developing the goop. The whole concept of Scott wanting to make his own product is brilliant. He wants to prove that his idea can work even if his dad didn't. It adds another dimension to his character without having to include his dad. He's a genuinely intelligent man who isn't depicted as a pathetic dork or an absolute kill joy.

This gives us a rare showing of Elvis playing a character that doesn't just rizz up girls, or fights people. He also isn't a bumbling, misfortunate character that is passive to the events around him. Here, Scott's actively choosing to do this. He's making the best use of his privilege and education to not only help out a struggling boat owner, but also create a product that shows that he's more than just his dad's money.

This dynamic only makes me think that Scott is too good for Dianne. He isn't just being a decent human being and therefore deserves to be with her by default. He's actively helping a woman he barely knows get with another man by giving her advice. The fact that she's still interested in Jamison after he refused to respect her boundaries indicates that she literally only cares about his money. I know that's the point of her character arc, but watching this only makes me think that Scott deserved better.

"You Don't Know Me" only solidifies that opinion. The entire song is literally Scott lamenting that Dianne doesn't know who he is. While part of it is on him for purposely hiding his true identity, Dianne basically uses him as a tool to get Jamison to notice her. She doesn't really take the time to get to know Scott on even a friendly basis. That one night on the beach just isn't enough to say that she knows enough about Scott to even be his friend. You really feel bad for Scott because he's in a one-sided relationship with someone who doesn't seem interested in him outside of what he could do for her.

It's little moments like this that make me appreciate Scott as a character. He's so dedicated to making this product work that he works through the night and falls asleep at his work station. He isn't even doing it to impress Dianne either. He's had this idea before he even met her. He genuinely wants to help Mr. Burton and prove that his product can work.

"Hey, Hey, Hey" is a terrible song. It's similar to "Clambake" in that it has bad dancing and similar to "Confidence" in that it just comes completely out of nowhere. It also just doesn't work with Scott's character. He's only shown interest in Dianne so even though he's not committed to her, it doesn't make sense for him to give every woman a kiss. I get that it's meant to be a montage of Scott getting help to finish the boat, but the song just feels unnecessary. Each woman's reaction to his kiss is obviously dubbed in as the actress' reaction doesn't match the noise she makes. You could just as easily convey that in a way that's similar to when Scott recreated his goop.

I was absolutely shocked at how good this dynamic was. Mr. Heyward had a big beef with Scott for leaving the way he did. He was so upset that Scott took stuff from his company without asking him, that he had to be confronted. At first you think this is the cliche dad that just doesn't get his son wanting to be his own man or even bothered to know what Scott liked. Scott's relationship with Mr. Burton made me think that this was the case. However, Mr. Heyward ultimately isn't that cliche.

Mr. Heyward knows his son more than anyone else. When he found out that Tom Wilson was acting like a party animal who smoke and drank, he immediately knew that this wasn't Scott. For a time period where it was more common for a man to smoke and or drink, Mr. Heyward outright being confused to hear that "Scott" did this shows he knows his son. He really does care about Scott, but is just upset at the way Scott chose to handle his feelings. When given the chance to confront him about it, Mr. Heyward said his part and let Scott have his say too. Even though he still didn't fully believe in Scott's product, he still wanted to let Scott try. Ultimately a very well written tension that didn't give you the idea that these two outright hated each other.

This part of the movie has the most amount of tension. There's a proper build up of the audience and Scott realizing that Jamison wasn't a good person worth Dianne's affection. Watching Jamison put the moves on her when she said no, is the nail in the coffin for the audience. For Scott, since he didn't see the same things we do, he wouldn't get upset at Jamison for that reason. He knew Jamison wasn't the best person when he forced Dianne to go out with him in exchange for her missing bra. He didn't interfere because he knew that he would've gotten in trouble because Jamison was rich and he was working as an employee.

Here he had the emotional maturity to not put up a stink when Dianne was with Jamison. He didn't even fight him after she left the room. It wasn't until Jamison essentially threatened him first, that Scott had enough and punched him. As soon as Jamison went down, he left. He had the emotional maturity to know that he put Jamison in his place. Nothing else needed to be done as there was no reason to keep punching him. Punching an unconscious man is no longer self defense and is just meaningless violence. Scott understanding that in spite of his own feelings is a refreshing thing to see in a character.

"The Girl I Never Loved" is the best song in the movie. Scott's lament that he'll never be able to tell Dianne how he feels is so sad. He's so adamant about not wanting to interfere in her relationship with Jamison, that he's willing to make himself suffer. He accepts that she doesn't have feelings for him, but he also still lets himself feel hurt about it. That being said, Dianne giving up her scheme and wanting to just go home feels a little forced. Like she doesn't even want to stay because Scott was a good friend. She just wants to go because Jamison ended up not working out.

I just feel bad that Scott went through all this work only for Dianne to not seem that enthused. Mr. Heyward only wants the best for his son so if the goop works, he couldn't be any happier and supportive. Tom Wilson and his girlfriend are genuinely excited to be at the race watching him. They really want Scott to win because they know he worked so hard on the boat. Dianne just doesn't look all that emotional for him and I wonder what would've happened if Scott ended up losing. Mr. Heyward and Tom Wilson I feel would've still supported Scott. They know how hard he worked on it even if it didn't pan out as he thought. I just can't say the same for Dianne. I'm not sure if it was an acting issue or a writing issue, but I just don't feel the same passion she has for Scott that he does for her.

This hurts me. When I think about the low production value of this movie, I think of this. First off no license would ever have a picture like that. If it has a picture it was to be front on not at this weird angle. Also his name's spelled wrong! If you look at the signs for his father's company it's spelled Heyward. The worst mistake though is that Elvis has blue eyes! Why do you mark Scott as having brown eyes when he clearly doesn't have them? This whole scene summarizes the lack of effort put into making this look like Miami. Florida doesn't have any mountains and if anything, Miami is actually prone to flooding and sinkholes because of the low altitude.

Regardless, I actually like how this film ended. The whole point of Scott switching identities in theory was to find someone who loved him for his personality and not just his money. Was doing that right at a stop light the best time to do that? No but in general for a mid 60s Elvis film, we didn't get a stereotypical final number to close out the film. It could've been executed better but we actually get the plot point of Dianne not knowing who Scott is wrapped up. I still don't think Dianne and Scott will work out. They don't know anything about each other and Scott kisses her once after he asks her to marry him. I'm happy for Scott that he got what he wanted, but I honestly think he still deserved better regarding his love interest. It really shows just how much of a real person this character was that you would feel something like that.

This movie is so baffling. On one hand yeah, I totally agree with fans that say this is the worst one. The complete lack of attention to geographical detail and the most blatant case of run time padding make this absolutely frustrating to watch. On the other hand Scott surprisingly has one of the most complete character arcs I've seen where every choice he's made has made sense to his character. His ballads and emotional maturity were quite refreshing to see. He actually makes me care enough to say "you deserve to find someone who loves you. Dianne isn't good enough for you king".

That being said, I give this film a 5/10. There's just too many issues to say that this is a good film. However, I truly think if this script was redone and a different creative team made this movie, it might be one of Elvis' best ones. In fact, as long as you skip "Confidence" and are someone who can forgive production errors easily, I would actually recommend watching this Elvis fan or not. Scott's character arc has enough good elements to make it worth watching.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thank you @georgefairbrother for requesting this film. Also shout out to @arrolyn1114 and @xanatenshi for watching this film with me. Your input was much appreciated. I currently don't have anything planned on what to review next. If anyone wants to request an Elvis film feel free to send it in.

Tagging: @lynettethemadscientist, @motht-eeth, @ash-omalley, @spooky-hazex, @oh-my-front-door, @father-of-2cats, @stormie-ryan23, @yksuwyksud, @tacozebra051, @alienelvisobsession, @vintageoldsoul, @ohmygiddd, @lovininapinkcadillac, @stephthestallion, @mistyspresley, @bisexualwvtson, @karel-in-wonderland, @moonchild-daniella, @musiclover712, @worldofyns, @sillybookmarks, @g00d2balive, @leighpc, @generoustreemystic, @peskybedtime, @thetaoofzoe, @renegadewarrior, @vintagepresley, @tupelomiss, @myradiaz, @pinkcaddyconfessions, @kiankiwi, @presley72elvis, @delulubutidontcare, @elvispresleywife, @ilivebecauseiamforced, @jaqueline19997, @richardslady121, @if-i-can-dream-of-elvis and @lookingforrainbows.

[hvnnibvni]

Together Again | JJK *Spoiler*

Pairings: Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Mature themes. Romance. Angst. Arranged marriage AU. Childhood best friends to lovers AU.

Warnings: cheating, reader is a rope bunny (ALLEGEDLY), hard!dom JK, switch!reader, reader likes to be slutted out, drunken sex, unplanned pregnancy(this is in the end dw😅), cunnilingus, oral (both receiving), fighting (talk shit get hit) daddy!kink, praise!kink, dirty talk, spanking, hair pulling. Just all around nasty y’all.

Summary: After reader finds her long-term boyfriend in bed with their mutual friend. She moves back into her family home, but under one condition. She has to marry her childhood friend that has been arranged since their childhood. For a wedding gift they go to a mountainous getaway with a group of friends, reader is told that ex and mutual friend get invited, so reader and jk decide to pretend not to know each other to avoid any confusion or miscommunication.

Authors note: This, if not obvious, is my first time writing. Like call me the virgin marry of writing cuz idk what I’m doing. But we gone figure it out though. Anyways some things might change throughout the story just bear with me. This is actually a piece of the end not the whole thing. More of a drabble if you will darling, cuz idk if it’s good or not and Ian trynna EMBARRASS myself. But in all honesty I want honest reviews just don’t hurt my feelings I will cry 😐 I would like respectful constructive criticism, not no “yOu WrItInG DumB HAr hAr🤓” type bs y’all can take that childish shit somewhere else, and other writers feel the same way when people do stuff like that kind of stuff isn’t cute or funny when you’re the only one laughing babes. Sorry I just went on a whole tangent. Anyways enjoy my piece of a piece 😂 (Edit: ex doesn’t have a name neither does the ex bff)

——————————————————————

Everyone is having their own separate conversations when ex bff brings up the fact that y/n doesn’t look like she’s feeling well. Y/n bushes it off but ex bff pushes a little harder and say “I’m just trying to make sure you and your baby are okay” the table goes dead silent, everyone too stunned to speak. Jungkook watching quietly.

“ what is she talking about?” Asks ex bf. Y/n calm as ever replies “ I’m pregnant.” Looking right at (name). “Well I don’t know what to say,” ex bf goes on to say while acting flattered. “I mean you know I’ve always wanted to be a dad-“

“it’s mine.”

Everyone turned shocked to look at Jungkook who’d been sitting quietly the whole time. “How long?” He proceeds to ask, ignoring everyone around them. “Around 8 weeks” y/n responds. “When did you find out?“ His questioning continues “Yesterday morning.” Y/n answered, not missing a beat “why didn’t you tell me?” He interrogates further. “It was going to be a surprise, but it seems plans have changed.” She answers calmly, although she is agitated that her plans were ruined all for a petty jab that gave the latter 5 seconds of satisfaction.

“Wait… what’s going on?” Ex question confusingly. “you know him?” He asks y/n. “Y’a she does, rather well actually. We grew up together” Jungkook answers. “Y/n and I are married.” “WHAT!!” Ex exclaims “Since when?!” Ex continues “because we broke up about 2 months ago. The time checks out. So that would mean you cheated on me.” He reach’s.

“Well not exactly.” Jungkook goes on to explain. “Y/n and I were arranged by our parents when we were little. But then she chose to be with you and was disowned by her family. So when you guys broke up, she went back to her family under the condition that she marries me. How it was always supposed to be.” He finishes looking at ex.

“So wait.” Everyone turns to look at ex bff. “Y/n isn’t some poor gold digger “ex” found off the street? I don’t believe that.” She says spitefully. “I’ve know y/n for years and not once has she ever showed she is the heiress like you all say. I mean how come i’ve never seen or heard about her? Huh? Riddle me that?”

“Do you not know what disowned means you mamahuevo? Eh? Does anything flicker between the last two brain cells you have AI COÑAZO CULO! EL BURRO SABE MAS QUE TU!!” Gabriella screams at ex bff fed up with her bs this weekend, bout ready to jump her if she wasn’t worried for y/n’s stress levels.

“This is some Penelope Douglas ass shit bitch.” Meimi whispers to Jimin next to her waiting to see what happens next.

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Shark Tale

See now this is the part where the word "torture" really becomes accurate because oh my fucking god that's exactly what this hell movie is.

So uh yeah. Shark Tale. It sucks. Do I really need to go on? It's insufferably annoying with ugly ass characters who are incredibly unlikable, with a paper thin plot that beats you over the head with its message right from the very start. But I suppose if I have to break it down....

The movie stars Will Smith Fish I mean Oscar, who's a self-centered clout chaser who wants to become a "somebody" and a cliche misunderstanding succenly launches him into the status of a hero known as the Sharkslayer. This happens after the son of some shark mob boss (yes there's a shark mob shut up I hate it too) dies in an accident, and his other son, Lenny (who's a vegetarian, idk how that's possible, just roll with it) befriends Oscar and the two stage another shark slaying to keep Oscar in the limelight. Inset a stupid ass love triangle with Lola, the blatant gold digger, and Angie, Oscar's best friend who spends the entire movie pathetically simping over this piece of shit, and well... you have the cinematic mess that is Shark Tale.

So the plot sucks, the whole messages of "tell the truth" and "status and wealth aren't everything" are so beaten into you the movie barely gives you a chance to think about them for yourself. But even worse than that plot are the characters. Oscar is just so damn unlikeable man, he's a lying asshole who only really cares about upward mobility and is willing to screw the few people who do care about him over to get it. Angie is just as bad, a bitchy, jealous simp who more or less gaslights Oscar into loving her by the end imo. The other characters are all one-note and lame, but I guess if any of them are mildly amusing, Lenny is the best of the bunch, if only because he's not an utterly miserable tool like everyone else in this movie is.

The music is the typical early 2000s Dreamworks pop nonsense, it wasn't too insufferable given the vibe of the movie, but still, it wasn't anything standout. The animation is... ok, but god these fugly ass character designs. Why oh WHY did they decide to putt Will Smith's face on a fucking FISH? Who looked at this and thought THIS WAS OK????

I will say the backgrounds and environments are genuinely nice to look at though, probably one of the very few redeeming qualities this film has to offer. As for everything else, well, there's a reason this movie lives in infamy as one of the worst things Dreamworks has ever put out. It sinks to scrub the bottom of the barrel (get it? Ok I'll shut up) in just about every way there is. It's riddled with lame puns, unfunny jokes, blatant product placements, and just about every stupid cliche you can think of for a kids movie. Save yourself the trouble and leave this one for the fishes (goddammit now the stupid ass movie has me doing it too).

Overall Rating: 2/10

Verdict: Send these ugly ass fish to the toxic waste dump where they belong

Previous Review (Shrek 2)

Next Review (Madacascar)

[lambergeier]

2022 book post FINALLY

this post is six weeks late because, frankly, i was on my honeymoon over new years and its hard to get up the will to type all this shit when everyone has already posted their book lists ages ago!! but also i read a lot of good books last year and wish to gloat, so here we are. italics are rereads, bold are my favorites, asterisks denote not-prose, and reviews are interspersed throughout as i felt like it:

January

No One is Talking About This - Patricia Lockwood (this book made me cry so hard lmao. first part is a sickeningly true-to-life depiction of Being A Blue Check Person and then the second part makes you cry so bad.)

Sorrowland - Rivers Solomon (what the fuck happened to the last third of this book? what shit-ass x-men knock-off did it come from?)

What Soldiers Do: Sex and the American GI in World War II France - Mary Louise Roberts (got on a whole ww2 history kick because, gotta be real, i watched all of band of brothers during winter break 2021-2022 and developed a bug up my ass. pulled this off the shelf at the library on a whim and it was STUNNING. excellently, thoroughly told history of sex, venereal disease, and race among american GIs in normany following the invasion. would read anything roberts now.)

How to Blow Up a Pipeline - Andreas Malm

Hello, Sailor: The hidden history of gay life at sea - Paul Baker and Jo Stanley

Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War II - Allan Berube (another excellent ww2 book, frequently quoted on this site and for good reason. not written by a historian, so incredibly easy and engaging to read, that presents you with just this amazing overview of how modern american queer identity was totally, inextricably shaped by the us military and the experience of being part of it or even just near it lmao)

February

Possession - A.S. Byatt (really really lovely romance that was such a consistent pleasure to read that i got to the end basically unable to remember favorite lines or even scenes i was just like mmmmmmmm. book good.)

Uncanny Valley - Anna Wiener

Howl’s Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones

The Verge: Reformation, Renaissance, and Forty Years that Shook the World - Patrick Wyman (this book sucked ass we gotta stop giving podcasters history books)

Watership Down - Richard Adams (so fucked up. loved this. love that we give this to children to read.)

Dead Collections - Isaac Fellman

March

The Hidden Palace - Helene Wecker (much better than its prequel, imho! resolved many pacing issues but lost no heart!)

The Vanishing Half - Britt Bennet (part of the reason i managed to read so much this year is that i had to drive a lot for work and started putting audiobooks on in the car, having never been an audiobook person before. i listened almost entirely to contemporary litfic this way, a genre i also had not previously engage with, and this was both a fascinating entry into an entire other world of books and also kinda boring sometimes lmao. vanishing half was good, certainly better than some of the other stuff i ended up listening to, but still not something i would have finished if i weren't in the car)

The Reformation - Patrick Collinson (this bitch was so funny his preface to the book was 'i didn't list any sources because i've been teaching this topic for 60 years. the source is Me.' anyways almost totally unreadable but did provide me some good context on the counter-reformation, which i want to learn more about.)

Fleischman is in Trouble - Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Home Baked - Alia Volz (soooooo good all bay area homies please read this)

River of Stars - Vanessa Hua

April

Light from Uncommon Stars - Ryka Aoki (INSANE BOOK. SO FUN.)

*Death of a Salesman - Arthur Miller

Book of Dust - Phillip Pullman

Gold Diggers - Sanjena Sathian

*Angels in America - Tony Kushner (disconnected me from reality for like 24 straight hours. scared to reread it.)

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (read this in high school and hated it because i was a DUMB TEENAGER!! THIS BOOK IS SO FUNNY!!)

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett

Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett

May

Mexican Gothic - Silvia Moreno-Garcia (strongly eh.)

Oh the Glory of it All - Sean Wilsey (loved it but feels impossible to recommend.)

Magic for Liars - Sarah Gailey

Foundation - Isaac Asimov (absolutely fascinating as like, a history of the genre thing, even if i only "enjoyed" reading the first two or three stories lol. also, HE COULDN'T PREDICT FIAT CURRENCY?? ACTUAL PLOT POINT THAT THERE AREN'T ENOUGH METALS ON THE PLANET TO MINT COINS???? reader i lost my mind.)

June

All the Pretty Horses - Cormac McCarthy (all the pretty horses my insane high school problematic fave. i will never read the sequels)

Have His Carcase - Dorothy L. Sayers

The Power - Naomi Alderman (as i said on private twitter after rereading, this book makes me sick to my stomach not because of the gender shit, which is like, i know what the book's about that's what it's about it's not gonna be a different book, but christ it's so bleak. love an oral history style but i gave my copy away once i finished lmao.)

Murder Must Advertise - Dorothy L. Sayers

July

Such a Fun Age - Kiley Reid (great audiobook narrator, and a very funny book)

Several People are Typing - Calvin Kasulke (PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS AUDIOBOOK THEY HIRED A FULL RADIO-PLAY STYLE CAST AND SURE THE ACTUAL STORY DOESN'T STICK THE LANDING BUT IT'S SO FUNNY. i finished it on my own and immediately put it back on for emma to enjoy. so good.)

They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South - Stephanie Jones-Rogers

Hawk Mountain - Conner Habib (oughhhhouguhughuhghh the dread. great book. wretched creeping horror. queer, if that matters. gives you the Dread.)

There, There - Tommy Orange

August

If an Egyptian Can’t Speak English - Noor Naga (experimental fiction, i listened to it on audiobook and actually missed a lot of what it was doing in print but still incredibly good. absolute sucker punch of an ending.)

The Loneliest Americans - Jay Caspian King

Encounters at the Heart of the World: A History of the Mandan People - Elizabeth Fenn (great clear thorough history of the mandan nation of the upper missouri river, really enjoyed this.)

An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us - Ed Yong (ed yong is the best science writer working today and this book was tremendous. i quoted like every other line of it to emma and she still went and borrowed it as soon as i was done. we immediately bought a copy for the house.)

Sheer Misery: Soldiers in Battle in WWII - Mary Louise Roberts

September

Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse (damn so much modern sff is bad)

I Contain Multitudes: The Microbes Within Us and a Grander View of Life - Ed Yong (not as good as the animal book but still VERY good)

Dark Rise - C.S. Pacat (unfuckingreadable. a masterclass of incoherent bullshit)

Nona the Ninth - taz lol (this should not have been its own book.)

*Ducks - Kate Beaton (cannot recommend highly enough. intense subject matter, also made me cry many times, but holy shit ms beaton you killed it with this one)

Unreleased Friend Book that I Love So Bad (soon!!)

Normal People - Sally Rooney

October

Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (another book i haven't reread since high school holden ilu. you are my little problems boy)

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee (read it all in one day while on various airplanes. what a BOOK)

Half of a Yellow Sun - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Foundation - Mercedes Lackey (thus begins the valdemar stage of the year)

My Year of Rest and Relaxation - Ottessa Moshfegh (uh. would not recommend.)

November

Devil House - John Darnielle (ur crazy for this one mr mountain goats. still don't know if it was good or bad lol.)

Arrows of the Queen - Mercedes Lackey

Arrows Flight - Mercedes Lackey

Arrows Fall - Mercedes Lackey

Magic’s Pawn - Mercedes Lackey (vanyel i love you)

December

Magic’s Promise - Mercedes Lackey (vanyel i'm obsessed with you)

Empire of Wild - Cherie Dimaline

Magic’s Price - Mercedes Lackey (oh misty we did NOT stick the landing here. rip to vanyel.)

Winter Counts - David Heska Wanbli Weiden

Neuromancer - William Gibson (loved so many individual sentences and, like foundation, a very interesting work for understanding the history of the genre. however in many ways, totally incomprehensible.)

total books: 66!!! nice work, me! really enjoyed how much i read in 2022 and how generally varied it was and after a long while of not reading too much at all, it's been very nice being back in the swing of it. also god non-fiction is so good. i can't read it particularly fast but every time i read a good one i enjoy it so immensely. look forward to reading more of it this year!!!

AND, FINALLY, A SHOUT OUT TO THE WORST DNF OF 2022:

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab sucks shit.

[ecargmura]

My Happy Marriage Episode 4 Review: Kiyoka Is The Best Husband

I apologize that this review came out late. I’ve been busy with writing chapters for my internet novel Lavender Eyes that I didn’t have time to watch My Happy Marriage until now. While this episode had moments that angered me, it also made me tear up a bit. Also, excuse my language in this review because I don’t have pleasant things to say for some parts of this episode.

The part that angered me was, of course, the scenes with Miyo’s scumbag family members. Miyo’s family is absolute shit. Her biological father developed no love for his first daughter because she lacked powers. It’s boggling that his love is only worth something if his child has power. What an absolute trash bag of a father he is. The fact that this is can apply to Asian families in real life hurts even more. Because her father finds her worthless, he was the reason why Kaya ended up the spiteful, entitled brat that she is. Miyo’s stepmother is a bitch and it’s because of her that Kaya became the way she is. I don’t care if Kaya’s attitude and behavior is because of how she was raised, she still engaged in abusing her sister and still does it to this day, meaning she enjoys doing it like the psychopathic bitch she is. The fact that she develops a liking to Kiyoka pisses me off even more given how bratty she is. Kaya is exactly the type of girl Kiyoka LOATHES because his previous fiancees were all gold-diggers and only saw him as a way for climb up the social ladder. Kaya only finds his exterior attractive.

Speaking of Kiyoka, he was an absolute JOY to watch. He visits Miyo’s crap family and tells them that if they don’t apologize to Miyo for all the abuse she had to endure from them, he won’t give them anything in return; he’s basically saying that he won’t give them money or associate them as his in-laws. He’s written absolutely well. He’s not someone who miscommunicates with Miyo or is dumb enough to believe in lies. He’s someone who believes in the truth and in love because he loves Miyo.

The fact that he figured out something was wrong with Miyo after she returned from her outing and wanted to do something to bring back the confidence and brightness she had before. He wrote a letter to someone and that was when Hana, Miyo’s former attendant, came to visit her and encouraged her to be confident and content with her current life.

Miyo feeling like she’s happy with her life but then regressing back to her old self was heartbreaking to see. Miyo finally felt like she had a place to belong, but when Kaya came in, everything got ruined. The fact that she decided to hyper fixate on making a hair tie for Kiyoka and looked rather out of it when she was done showed how bad her issues are. The way her voice actress voiced her so soft spoken to the point of being a mumbling robot was extremely good voice acting. Wow. I’m impressed.

The fact that she realized how much she is loved and worth from Hana is so well-written. Sometimes, people in despair just need that extra push to be able to move on. What Miyo needed was encouragement that everything is going to be okay and that she has people who care about her. The way she was moved to tears when she learned that it was her husband-to-be that sent a letter for her to come to the Kudou manor to see her tugged my heart.

She told Kiyoka of her secrets and how that she’s nothing special despite being a daughter of a wealthy family, but he already knew. He doesn’t care and that he only wants her to be his wife. The way he hugged her so tenderly and how she accepted it back made me so emotional. Man, Kiyoka’s such a good man. The fact that he didn’t expect much from Miyo from when he first met her to falling for her gentle soul speaks so much; the fact that she was so different from his previous fiancees speaks so much in volume. Please only let good things happen to them from now on.

Koji’s brother Kazushi makes his debut in this episode. He doesn’t have much screen time, but all that is told from his 1 minute screen time is that he has abilities and that he doesn’t take his responsibilities seriously. He also teased Koji about being too nice to the point of being unkind. I feel like that’s Koji’s character in general. He’s a nice guy, but he didn’t do anything to stop Kaya from abusing Miyo despite being in love with her. I think Kazushi’s role is to foreshadow that aspect of him. Will he be more of a spineless coward in future episodes?

Wow, I wrote a lot for this review. I can’t help it. The episode was such a rollercoaster. I can’t wait for what’s to come next week as it feels as if something bad is going to happen now that Mr. Tatsuishi is trying to use Kaya in his plans to get his hands on Miyo. What are your thoughts on this episode and how much do you want to punch all of Miyo’s abusive family members in the face? I certainly want to beat the crap out of them and have them get a taste of their own medicine.

[themultifandomgal]

Cillian Murphy- Insecurities

Trigger warnings- talks about anorexia, divorce and online bullying

I meet Cillian when I joined season 4 of Peaky Blinders, I was to be Tommy Shelbys new love interest. However during this time it came out that Cillian was divorced and I was the one to blame, although they had divorced a year before I had even met Cillian. The hate I received was unbelievable, I was called a home wrecker, I was told to harm myself, told I was nothing but a gold digger so many nasty things, and since I'm 15 years younger it was worse. For Cillian this was such a hard time because he is such a privet person, but like always the hate died down. It's been a few years now and Cillian and I promoting our newest film together Oppenheimer. However the news about me being in this film had mix reviews, most positive, but there's still a handful of people who believe that I'm the cause of his divorce. I was recently added into a group chat on Twitter where they criticised my body, my acting, my relationship. This made me question a lot of this and I definitely became insecure.

Before Cillian and I met I was anorexic and when we did meet it was when I was better, although he knows all about that and has helped me through some dark moments I still have days where I feel like I could go back to my old days. Things have gotten so bad I have deleted all of my social medias. I'm curled up in mine and Cillian bed crying after looking at myself in the mirror for the last 20 minutes when the door opens

"Babe have you seen... what's wrong? Are you hurt? Feel ill?"

"I'm fine"

"You obviously aren't because your crying so come on tell me"

"Honestly Cil I'm just being stupid"

"Never stupid. Tell my what's going on in that head of yours" Cillian moves a stray hair from my face then moves to caress my check.  I sigh leaning into his touch

"It's just other girls are much prettier than me. You could literally have anyone in the world but you chose me, I don't understand why. I'm 15 years younger, I'm in my 20s so my do you want me?"

"Babe come here" I sit up and scoot over to Cillian who wraps me up in his arms "I love you and only you. Your beautiful inside and out, don't listen to what other people say, because I know you do, stop looking at the news. As for your age, it's just a number we're both adults and can do whatever we want, within reason, you've got to stop letting other peoples words cloud your own judgment. This is why I stay offline"

"Yeah Will I deleted all my social the other week"

"I know you though YN, and I know that you will still search for yourself to see what people are saying about you"

"I just hate feeling like this, hate feeling so insecure"

"I know baby I hate seeing you hate yourself when all I see is perfection. What can I do to help?" I shrug my shoulders not really knowing what anyone could do "what about speaking to your therapist. Maybe they could give you some advice" Cillian suggests

"Yeah maybe"

"YN I love you so much and I will tell you everyday how beautiful you are and how much I love you" Cillian leans down and kisses my lips "I'll make sure to tell you how important you are to not only me but everyone around you. This hate will go away, or at least you won't see it"

"I love you too" I smile at him glad I have him in my life "what was it you were looking for?"

"Huh?"

"You came in about to ask me where something was"

"Oh. I was just wondering if you knew where my hoodie was but I think I've found it" I giggle pulling the sleeves down and snuggling into Cillian more. Things will be ok soon.

[richarlisonny]

answers not my own they were taken from a RIGOROUS academic literature review (quora) pls reblog to further the cause of scientific research

[sidewayspeace444]

Letter to a fandom…not just kidding 😜

I agree that too many coincidences and posts (from fake friends/the help: make up, hair, photographs,etc) for this to be a PR joke.

This is real and they are just waiting for an announcement after 9/11 (couldn’t they have chosen a worse day for this charade? How disrespectful coming from former Captain America)

I’m not even surprised, I never bought the golden/good boy image he was trying to sell. I always thought that behind the good looks and muscle, there was a fuckboy/frat guy/stupid real person. I was just having fun with his internet boyfriend fake image and with the fun coming from this fandom (some more intense than others). Well this is over now. Moving on to more productive things. Oh yeah I’m happily married and I NEVER thought he was meant for us 😂. Come on girls!

I’m just surprised with such a bad choice: she looks everything that can be wrong : racist, soft porn actress, wannabe sugar baby, uneducated lowish class, rude, gold digger, dirty (just by looking at her pics you can tell she smells and that mouth close up, screams bad hygiene and herpes), bad z-list actress, couch casting specialist. That’s her dream girl/love at first sight!?

What’s left for the “betrayed “ fandom? Well don’t just talk and talk about this (or even cry), do something!! Go to his movies sites and write your Honest review! After Marvel and with a few exceptions, they were bad! Especially his acting (poor co- stars, they did their very best!), he can not cry or have any chemistry with his female co-stars. Be honest!! Go to his upcoming movies and say how bad the trailers/teasers look like. You got tickets for a con, return them and demand a refund!

He really laughed in your faces with the good dog dad/liberal fighter image. Now it’s your turn!

Stay strong fandom and let’s see who has the last laugh 😉

Should we check to see if she has the last three strings on her head after that dragging? 🤣 I agree and he’s a huge 🤥 maybe they can compare each others nose jobs

[historyhermann]

Yuri Is My Job! Spoiler-Filled Review

Yuri Is My Job!, also known as Schwestern in Liebe! or Watashi no Yuri wa Oshigoto Desu!, is a yuri comedic anime based on an ongoing manga by Miman. 12 volumes of the manga have been printed, 11 of which have been translated into English. Passione and Studio Lings produced this series. It is directed by Hijiri Sanpei.

Reprinted from Pop Culture Maniacs and Wayback Machine. This was the thirty-seventh article I wrote for Pop Culture Maniacs. This post was originally published on Jun. 28, 2023.

The plot of this series is in line with many yuri manga: a high school girl named Hime Shiraki (voiced by Yui Ogura) cares about her outward image as a sweet and helpful person. In actuality, she is very self-centered. One day, she trips and accidentally injures the manager of Cafe Liebe, Mai Koshiba (voiced by Yukari Tamura). She is guilted into covering shifts at the cafe to keep her image alive. As such, Hime works at an establishment where waitresses pretend they are students at an all-girls boarding school. Each has their own persona. She is drawn to another waitress, Mitsuki Yano (voiced by Sumire Uesaka) who gives her devotion and love. In private, Yano seems to hate her, hence the title of the anime, "yuri is my job!"

The fakery that the waitresses exemplify is shown though characters like Sumika Chibana (voiced by Makoto Koichi). She is calm and collected as a waitress but a gyaru outside work. Kanoko Mamiya (voiced by Minami Tanaka) contrasts this. A shy girl, she is Hime's good friend and knows Hime's true personality. She occasionally helps Hime during their work in the cafe. This fakery is also depicted through Hime, Mai, and Yano, each in a different way.

Show director Hijiri Sanpei is known, in part, as assistant director, storyboarder, and unit director of Citrus, a problematic anime due to sexual assault, non-consensual conduct, and toxicity between the two female protagonists. Apart from a few scenes, and some fan service of Yano, this does not translate over into Yuri Is My Job! In fact, the series has more allusions to other anime. For instance, the first episode alludes to Maria Watches Over Us. The latter series is said to be sweet, witty, unique, difficult, romantic, and have strong characters.

Yuri Is My Job! has similarities in terms of appealing animation, drama, and emotional scenes. The homoerotic themes are also treated respectfully, especially when paired with self-acceptance and self-discovery. Another series that Yuri Is My Job! may be referencing is a classic 2006 anime, Strawberry Panic! It is in the Class S genre, which focuses on romantic or close relationships between girls. While Strawberry Panic! is a romantic yuri based on illustrated short stories, and set at an all-girls school, Yuri Is My Job! takes place primarily at a cafe inside a high school.

The first episode pulls in the viewer, with a poppy and bubbly opening sequence, providing viewers with a sense of the characters. As noted earlier, yuri themes are there from the get-go, in terms of Hime's attraction to Yano, and an in-canon book entitled A Maiden's Heart, which resembles the plot of Maria Watches Over Us. This includes an older "sister" (Yano) putting a cross, on a necklace, around the neck of their younger "sister" (Hime). Adding to the confusion, Sumika appears to flirt with Yano.

At first, Hime appears to be a "gold-digger" only out for herself. As the story goes on, she becomes a more sympathetic character. This is clear from the close friendship between Kanoko and Hime. The latter even results in Kanoko working at the cafe after she follows Hime there. It is easy to be drawn to Hime's side when Yano is harsh against her, especially since Yano can see through Hime's cuteness facade.

Kanoko's character seems unhelpful, possessive, and annoying in earlier episodes. However, her character grows over the course of Yuri Is My Job!. For one, she supports Hime unconditionally. She even wonders why Hime cares about Yano. Kanoko's character might be lampooning the oft-trope, especially in yuri anime (and elsewhere), of the "deranged" cuckoo lesbian who has unrequited love for another woman. She may even be a yandere character.

I liked how the backstory of Hime and Yano provided insights into both characters. From that, it is easy to see both of their perspectives and how each of them could see the other as a "traitor". This all comes to a head when it is revealed, in the fourth episode, that Yano at the cafe is the same as the one she met when she was a young schoolgirl, when they played piano together. Over time, they get over their differences and clear up their misunderstanding.

Fundamentally, Yuri is My Job! has one theme throughout: miscommunication. Characters have different ways of seeing the world. Yano is coded as autistic. Hime is driven by being approved by everyone, thanks to her facade of being "cute". All the while, there is commentary about the yuri and class-s genres, with this series exploring expectations built into existing social interactions.

The 5th and 6th episodes of Yuri is My Job! focus on Yano and Hime being drawn to each other. They also criticize ship wars among yuri fans. In the sixth episode, some "fans" claim that Yano forced Hime to be her "sister". As rumors continue swirling, some even see Yano as a villain. Hime and Yano end up embracing one another in a very emotional scene, leading everyone to believe they are on better terms. In the process, Hime begins catching feelings for Yano. All of this reminds me of a song in The Proud Family about beating rumors, although only tangentially.

Sumika has an even more prominent role, after she learns, at the end of the sixth episode, that Kanoko is obsessed with Hime. As would be expected, Kanoko becomes suspicious of Sumika. She declares that no one will get in her way, even deeming Sumika "dangerous". While they begin to connect, this smashes apart when Sumika states that Kanoko must drop Hime or the cafe will fall apart.

Sumika's statement, cheered on by those who dislike Kanoko, seems harsh. However, it is rooted within interesting in-canon history. First of all, the person Sumika loved, Nene, was taken away by then-waitress Youko Gotou (voiced by Shizuka Itō), who she deems a seductress. Sumika is right to warn Kanoko that if she is too possessive, then Hime will dislike her. Even so, she is still interfering in their lives, almost as bad as the meddler in the 2015 comedy-drama film of the same name. Sumika's thought that romance will destroy the whole cafe is naive. For one, she is totally oblivious to Yano's feelings for Hime.

It is clear, by the eighth episode, of Yuri is My Job!, that Sumika is playing the long game. For instance, she agrees to Kanoko's request to become her sister, in the cafe. She doesn't realize, until later, that Kanoko is possessive of Hime because she is afraid of losing her. Kanoko is socially introverted, unlike Hime, and relies on her to ensure she can navigate social interactions. This is abundantly clear by the 10th episode.

In the apt flashback, in the ninth episode, Hime protects Kanoko from classroom bullies, the students that she deems "good kids". Hime comforted her after classmates were nasty to her, and defended her in class. Is it any shock that Kanoko fell for Hime, her "special person", then and there? Furthermore, Kanoko states she is the only person who knows the "true" Hime, without the facade. Her statement is incorrect, as Yano also knows the "true" Hime.

Apart from the plotlines involving Kanoko's relationship to Hime, one of the best storylines in this anime is the Blume election. The person awarded the most votes is crowned Blume-Sama. This reminds me of the elections for the student council in Maria Watches Over Us and the Etoile election in Strawberry Panic! Like the rest of the series, jealousy and emotions run high, as does blushing. The competition between the waitresses is fierce. It is later revealed that Sumika got the most votes, with Mitsuki in second, Hime in third, and Kanoko in fourth.

The final episodes of Yuri is My Job! wrap up many loose ends. Sumika reveals to Kanoko how Nene fell in love with Youko. All the while, her belief that Kanoko will "destroy" the cafe quickly dissipates. Although Kanoko's plan for the Blume election fails, Sumika's beliefs are fundamentally challenged by Nene. She says that Sumika comes from a place of compassion, but that she shouldn't dictate the love of others. This statement stands against people who position themselves as meddlers. Due to her conversation with Nene, Sumika rethinks how she should approach Kanoko.

By the 11th episode, Kanoko's actions, which might have seemed toxic or obsessive, make more sense. Sumika learns why Kanoko is drawn to Hime. She tells Kanoko that she is hiding too much of herself after she reveals that she will never confess to Hime. This conversation indicates the character development of Kanoko since she reveals all of this to Sumika, a person who understands her concerns. She even cries on her shoulder. Following the announcement that Sumika has been elected the Blume der Liebe, Kanoko even becomes the "sister". This appears surprising, at first. However, considering their mutual support for one another, it makes sense.

The 11th episode of Yuri is My Job! begins, in earnest, the romantic feelings between Sumika and Kanoko. Obviously both characters had feelings, to some extent, before that episode. Even so, it wasn't until that episode that they began their "sister"/Schwestern relationship. This sisterhood is even embraced by Hime. She is glad to hear that Kanoko has another friend, causing Kanoko to blush. This connection is reinforced by the fact that Kanoko and Sumika know something about the other that no one else knows. In the case of Kanoko, she had not said aloud that she loved Hime, until she told Sumika exactly that.

I haven't read the manga, but I have the implication, from the 11th episode, that Hime might be asexual. Kanoko specifically states that Hime has no interest in romance. She adds that Hime never genuinely loves anyone. In fact, she also calls herself Hime's only real friend. If Kanoko's read is correct, it would mean that Hime is possible grey ace. Also known as grey asexuality, it refers to people who are "flexible in their sexual preferences".

Grey asexuality can roughly fall into three categories: those who are sex-repulsed, sex-neutral, or sex-positive. It encompasses a broad spectrum of identities, including demisexuality, and other terms, like semisexual. Grey ace individuals might be rarely attracted to others, only romantically attracted on rare occasions, or be sexually attracted only to certain individuals.

To take this a step further, grey ace people may have any possible romantic orientation. The latter refers to romantic attractions someone has toward other people. A person's romantic identity is not necessarily connected to their sexual desires (i.e. sexual orientation). This can manifest in asexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, gay identity, lesbian identity, heterosexuality, or any of the other sexual orientations out there.

This nuance is not, necessarily, depicted in this series. Even so, Hime appears to be asexual-coded. I'm not sure about the manga, but it might be the same, from the panels I've read. She is not alone in this. Seiji Maki in Bloom Into You has been described as an aromantic asexual. The same is said about Shōko Tanimoto in The Case Files of Jeweler Richard. In Western animation, Andy Billups in Star Trek: Lower Decks is a coded asexual character.

Other characters have been confirmed as asexual outside of their respective series. The latter includes Lilith Clawthorne in the recently ended The Owl House, SpongeBob SquarePants in the series of the same name, Peridot in Steven Universe, Alastor in Hazbin Hotel, Percival "Percy" King in Epithet Erased, and Perry the Platypus in Phineas and Ferb. Additionally, there are three asexual characters in Bojack Horseman: Todd Chavez, Yolanda Buenaventura, and Maude. Many others appear in other media, such as film, literature, live-action series, video games, comics, podcasts, and elsewhere.

More than anything, Yuri Is My Job! parodies yuri tropes and the Class S genre. The characters perform an idealized girlhood, playing on tropes of affection and intimacy for an eager audience. This is capped off by a strongly ambitious and tricky female protagonist. Unlike other protagonists, she isn't likable in a traditional way.

In the series finale, the characters wear summer uniforms, with the change of seasons. After Yano's uniform is shown to be "too sexy", Hime is embarrassed to tell her the truth, while people are drawn to her breasts. This may be parodying fan service throughout anime, especially yuri anime. Hilariously, the other waitresses suggest Yano wear a cover to solve her "problem". In the cafe, Hime defends Yano, stating she is not being lewd, but mature. She even does tasks for her, to protect her from the prying eyes of patrons. Later, to the expected blushing of Yano, Hime admits that she is jealous of Yano's body, and says that she shouldn't be ashamed of anything. Unsurprisingly, she subsequently chastises Hime for saying something she "doesn't mean", confusing Hime even more.

A growing "sisterly" relationship between Kanoko and Sumika is alluded to in the series finale of Yuri Is My Job!. At one point, Kanoko blushes when Sumika describes the beauty of Kanoko when talking about the tea they recommend for customers. Later, Sumika even encourages Hime to call the Kanoko cute, resulting her in blushing yet again. There is predictable fan service. For instance, Yano brings Hime to her chest, and buries Hime's face in Yano's breasts to keep her quiet. She does this throughout the series. Predictably, this makes Hime fall even more in love with her.

One of the better parts of the episode is how Hime doesn't get her recommendation for tea correct, unlike the other workers. As a result, she leans on Yano. She teases Yano about it, even asking at one point "you must really love me, right, Onee-Sama?". Although Yano denies that she loves Hime romantically, this is clearly a lie. She is blushing while she says she "doesn't" love her.

The Yuri Is My Job! series finale ends happily. Hime notes that employees in the cafe (her and the other protagonists) behave elegantly, like characters from a shojo manga. After that, Yano plays the piano alongside Hime. Understandably, Hime gets the last word, welcoming people to the cafe, standing alongside everyone else.

One of the strengths of this series is the voice talent. Yui Ogura and Minami Tanaka, who voice Hime and Kanoko respectfully, are talented voice actresses. Ogara prominently voiced Kokoro in The Great Jahy Will Not Be Defeated!, Selena Burke in My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!, Sanae Tsukimoto in Teasing Master Takagi-san, Sumika Izumino in Yurikuma Arashi, and Kokona Aoba in Encouragement of Climb.

Tanaka voiced Nako Sunao in Hitori Bocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu, Ran-Ran Oneechan in Dropkick on My Devil!, Shalsha in I've Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level, and Himeno Toyokawa in Let's Make a Mug Too, among others.

Sumuire Uesaka, Makoto Koichi, and Yukari Tamura, who voice Yano, Sumika, and Mai, are known for their variety of voice roles. For Uesaka, this includes characters in Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions, Girls und Panzer, Luck & Logic, Boarding School Juliet, Carole & Tuesday, Lapis Re:Lights, and Spy Classroom.

Koichi has voiced characters in Hakumei and Mikochi, Märchen Mädchen, and My Roommate Is a Cat. Tamura provided her voice for characters in R.O.D the TV, Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl, Ouran High School Host Club, and Kin-iro Mosaic. It truly shows the voice range of Tamura, that she can voice a cafe manager in this series, a golf star in Birdie Wing: Golf Girls' Story (Mizuho Himekawa) and a lustful protagonist of B Gata H Kei (Tetsuki Yamada).

Asami Seto and Shizuka Neto, who voice Nene and Youko, are well-known for their roles in Wandering Son, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid, Macross Delta, Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, and Tropical-Rouge! Pretty Cure. Seto is also recognized for voicing Fena Houtman in Fena: Pirate Princess and Aoi Amawashi in Birdie Wing. The latter finished its run on June 24th.

Otherwise, Neto previously voiced Rei Hasekura in Maria Watches Over Us. This makes her voice selection apt, considering Yuri Is My Job! lampoons that series. She voiced Nadie in the yurish El Cazador de la Bruja, Misa Grandwood in Bodacious Space Pirates, Bellows in Gargantia, Minami Toba in Laid-Back Camp, Yoriko Kichijouji in Oshi no Ko, and many characters in other series.

The show's crew is as talented. Apart from aforementioned work of show director Hijiri Sanpei on Citrus, he also worked on Hinako Note, the ever-controversial Interspecies Reviewers, and the adventure fantasy romance Spice and Wolf. Chief episode director Takahiro Majiima, worked on Citrus and Interspecies Reviewers as well, along with other series like BanG Dream!, Princess Principal, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, and Your Lie in April.

As for the character designer, Taisuke Iwasaki, he has worked the gamut in the animation industry, from series such as Fairy Tail, Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl, and No. 6, to movies like Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Movie and Your Name. Show script writer Naoki Hayashi, worked on all 12 episodes of Citrus, along with the last six episodes of Flip Flappers.

Last but not least, is Yuri Is My Job! music composer Megumi Oohashi. She ensured that amazing openings, like the one in this series by Ogura, and the ending by Ogura and Uesaka, are present, making the series that much more enjoyable. Oohashi is known for music in Blue Dragon, Gundam series, and Yumeiro Pâtissière SP Professional, and work on Petite Princess Yucie.

It is unlikely there will be a second season. Four of the last anime series produced by the studio, from 2020 to present, apart from Higurashi: When They Cry – Gou, only had one season. One (Harem in the Labyrinth of Another World) did have two OVAs.

Of the eight series produced before 2020 by the studio, only two had a second cour: Haitai Nanafa and Z/X Code reunion. A possible second season could focus on the growing romantic feelings between Yano and Hime, Kanoko and Sumika, or pairs between any other characters. There are many manga volumes that could be adapted I hope that this series gets a continuation, either in an OVA or a second season, as I'd love to see these characters again in something apart from the manga.

Yuri Is My Job! is currently airing on Crunchyroll and is available for purchase on Prime Video.

© 2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

[writingkitten]

(review anon) Oh, here's a thought for headcanons for each of the fellas - what's your song? (allowing for some time-bending nonsense for fellas like Harold, this is about the Vibes)

You fuckin struck gold with this review anon, like is the shit I LOVE (so I gave them two)

Ricky: God’s Gonna Cut You Down - Johnny Cash/NFWMB - Hozier

Robert: West Coast - Lana Del Rey/American Money - BØRNS

Harold: More I Cannot Wish You - Paul McCartney (cover)/How Will I Know - Sam Smith

Otto: The Scientist - Coldplay/Come Alive - Foo Fighters

Doc Ock: Failure - Breaking Benjamin/My Demons - STARSET

Harding: Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier/All I Want - Kodaline

Edelweiss: Yellow Submarine - The Beatles/I Am The Walrus - The Beatles

Chandler: love me - Ex Habit/Black Honey - Thrice

Big Boss: Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash/Throne - Saint Mesa

Andres: Heat Waves - Glass Animals/Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation

Boris: Dancing On My Own - Calum Scott (cover)/SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK - Joji

Dunlop: Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls/Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran

Arden: Spaceman - The Killers/SYMBIOTIC - STARSET

Jim: Grave Digger - Matt Maeson/O Children - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Jimmy: You Get What You Give - New Radicals/Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

Armand: Hunger of the Pines - alt-J/The Pines - Roses & Revolutions

Manuel: Foreigner’s God - Hozier/Take Me To Church - Hozier

Maxim: Magic Man - Heart/You Put A Spell On Me - Austin Giorgio

Hank: Dirty Laundry - Don Henley/Bury Me Face Down - grandson

Frank: DOA - I Prevail ft. Joyner Lucas/It Has Begun - STARSET

Oswald: Twisted - Two Feet/Panic Room - Au/Ra

Dick: Writer - Paolo Nutini/Big Black Car - Gregory Alan Isakov

[emblazonet]

DRAGONSDAWN REVIEW

This is a heckin weird book and I started off enjoying it until I Was Not Enjoying it.

The intro seemed interesting enough: we’ve got people who are escaping a variety of circumstances (including retired war veterans). They’re looking to colonize an uninhabited planet, which neatly sidesteps major issues in other colonial literatures, since, well, there’s no one sentient to object!

Personally, the sciencey stuff seems fine... I’m nota science person to begin with, and I was mildly interested by their tech and how it was described. Nothing stood out as weird. Maybe funny, when they refer to film or tapes, since we’ve established this is in our future and the colonists are often from actual places: Ireland, etc.

I did find it weird that they name a bunch of places after places on Earth. Why bother? Why not just make names that actually communicate something about the landscape they’re in? This is somethig that obviously colonists did here to North America—every city I’ve lived in has roads that are named ‘Hillside’ or ‘Pinevale’ or something (even if there are no hills or pines). In my hometown, Beacon Hill was a region my high school was in (and I’m not sure there was ever a beacon or a hill); in my current city, Beacon Hill is a park. It’s stupid and I hate it. Name things organically, or else it feels WEIRD. (In books. Obviously IRL just use the indigenous names and maybe please do a land back, like with Haida Gwaii!)

I know, I’m yelling about colonial problems at an author who has a weird obsession with bloodlines. And who killed off all the black characters in the first Threadfall. Uh huh. Moving on.

There are too many characters in this book, by the way. There are too many AND they are kinda bland. They run together. I don’t know why I should care about any of them. It’s weird that it’s supposed to be multicultural or whatever but it never feels like it. The way other cultures are represented is kinda uncomfortable. Spoilers and stuff upcoming.

Paul and Emily seem like they should have Main Character Energy, but neither does. They’re important people or something but the narrative never makes you feel it. There’s a whole bunch of names that keep coming up but I can never rememeber who they are or what they do... Pol, Bay etc. Idk.

Sorka and Sean are obviously telegraphed as some of the first dragonriders, they’re the sort of Adam and Eve first kids of Pern, and they’re boring and I grew to kinda dislike them by the end of the book because they’re just like Generic Hetero Couple and it was very yawn.

I liked Kenjo, I though he was going to be The First Dragonrider because the book goes on and on about his flying ability, the way he can conserve fuel, all that. But actually he dies halfway through and I hate that actually, because it feels like any build up with this character never went anywhere. His death was pointless but the story didn’t even make it about the pointlessness, so like... why?

Sallah’s seduction of Tarvi, a pretty man, was awkward as fuck. She drugs him and they fuck and then later she’s like ‘why doesn’t he seem to love me?’ BECAUSE YOU DRUGGED HIM? OH MY GOD????? At least Dragon Sex Pollen gives you an out! There’s no excuse to for this nonsense! And then when she dies, Tarvi—changing his name to her last name, Telgar—has this ‘oh I DID love her after all’ grief thing but it comes across as super contrived.

Look, I stand by actually liking Lessa/F’lar, but I’ve pretty much hated every single other romantic relationship in this series (except for Moreta/Alessan ... Moreta is the best book).

Speaking of Sallah’s tragic death aboard the orbiting, fuelless colony ship—her murderer is the Obviously A Villain Avril Bitra. Who is a mean gold-digger lady who is also a slut, and Anne, did you need to work something out with this one? Avril is set up as a villain but instead of being a threat to anything, she basically does a stupid and dies, but manages to take Sallah down with her. But her inexplicably meanness with Sallah has a weird sexual undertone to it? I’d be into it if I didn’t hate it. Like. The scene where Sallah is cut up and Avril is tormenting her is SO CHARGED and it could’ve been so good except it’s... it’s just not. It feels incredibly out of place! It’s the climax of the book in terms of intensity, but it’s in the middle and we haven’t even gotten to the dragons yet!

Thread, by contrast, wasn’t even that dramatic. Oh noo, there’s Thread.

And the dragons feel sort of rushed into the end of the book. There’s something weird about the biologist and her granddaughter. They’re Chinese, and everyone loves the grandmother, but apparently the granddaughter is an unpleasant bitch and there’s no explanation offered at all. I have no idea why the characterizations are so weird and awkward, but they really are.

How many times can I say ‘weird and awkward’ in one review???

Also, why does that one MAGA-style asshole, Ted Tubberman, try to bioenginner felines? What even was that? There’s literally nothing relevant about it? WHY WAS IT INCLUDED? Why wasn’t it cut?? It doesn’t do anything for the plot or characters except, I guess, kill off a loose end? Who was already exiled?

By the way, the glee with which everyone exiles this dude is so weird. ‘We didn’t kill him! We just ostracized him forever!’ Wow. Just. Wow. I don’t even know what to say.

In sum, basically, this book is a structural mess with bad characters. It had a fun dragonfighting sequence three pages from the end, and that was probably my favourite part.

I don’t know how a book with so much stuff happening crammed into it could be so boring, but here we are. Like, this wasn’t Nerilka-level bad: it didn’t do any character assassinations because it wasn’t a sequel to anything that came before. But it was a slog, and it didn’t even have the grace to have a lot of dragon-related screen time to offset it.

3/10, a structural disaster.