#God this is such a ramble

[welcomingdisaster]

Hey, it's the Anon who sent that message about not commenting on or acknowledging things. I wanted to apologize, that wasn't a fair thing to send to you. I do notice when other people aren't noticed (can't help it) and I do still think it's important to publicly praise each other but your answer and the responses to it have made me think my experience isn't normal and probably influenced by my own insecurities more than anything. Sending a rude Anon ask was a cowardly move and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have the guts to say it off-anon but I hope you'll accept the apology anyway.

Hey anon - thank you for the follow up! I can honestly say that I am happy to hear you read my message and engaged with it. No hard feelings; apology accepted.

I also want to say that I honestly think I do need to engage with other fic more, and be more vocal about it. I've been slowly putting together a rec list of some of my favorite stuff I read this year, and I have a list of fics I want to try to read/comment on before the end of the year/during a little staycation I'm going to be going on.

A lot of this I was planning/thinking to do before I got the anon. Being a little bit more vulnerable than I usually like to be in public -- my brain does this fun thing where I get really guilty about not doing something (say, commenting on a fic written for me) and then that guilt gets really paralyzing and overwhelming, and I go longer without commenting, and I get more guilty, and it gets harder to do. I know realistically the only solution is working through it - I know I'm going to be happy and fulfilled to do it. But sometimes this makes me shut down and just want to play alone in the safe fun corner or my blog, lol.

Anyways, I think getting the anon was probably somewhat helpful and somewhat counter productive to me actually making progress in those areas, and that's absolutely not on you, but comes down to my own personal issues and the way my brain works (or doesn't, lol). I think I have a plan re: what I'm going to do to get to a 'clean slate' where I've done my end of the bargain and can engage more. I think breaking down the huge task of everything I have fallen behind on into small pieces is going to be helpful.

This is not because I do not enjoy engaging with other people or promoting them. This is my own executive function issues and weird social/emotional baggage that sometimes gets in the way of me doing things I really really really want to do.

I don't know if I should be saying any of this publicly. It is honestly anxiety inducing to post all of this personal shit onto a blog that hundreds of people follow (though I doubt too many are going to be reading this) - as silly as it seems right now it is hitting me into a lot of insecurity and fear, which is tied to my own baggage about failing social commitments. Once again, this is absolutely not on you.

Anyways - thank you for reaching out and thank you for apologizing. I think I felt last time like I gave you only half the answer, offered too little of the truth, was too defensive, didn't acknowledge enough to my own fault in this. Having reflected on it more, I really do feel like I have failed a lot of people I like and care about. I think I can do better.

If you see me this take this down, it is likely because I started feeling off about a lot of random people reading it (no offense, random people, ILY and all). I wish there was a way to respond privately to an anon.

[madqueenalanna]

i ruminated on this all night and i think the reason "talented mr ripley" left such a strong positive impact on me (besides that it's good and has repressed gay yearning) is that ripley himself– a guy so desperate for love, attention, and community that he is willing to change everything about himself at a moment's notice even when it starts taking him down an irreversibly dangerous path– is one of the most relatable characters i've ever seen

cause like, "character so fixated on a goal they're willing to abandon any sense of self or morals" isn't uncommon, it's right up there with "ambition makes you evil" and "absolute power corrupts absolutely" for common archetypes of villains. and "character so desperate to be liked they'll do anything" is usually a pathetic, detestable worm of a person. obviously "gay guy gets rebuffed, goes evil" and "repressed gay guy can no longer manage his repression and it makes him evil" are old homophobic villain tropes as well

but tom isn't a villain. he doesn't even do anything unforgivable, or even really Wrong, until halfway through the movie. he lied a few times, but to avoid admitting he's a broke loser. when he changes his hair, his clothes, his music, his decorating style, his hobbies, he's not doing so for the purpose of manipulation, he's doing so to fit in. he wants dickie to like him– he wants to be with him, but he also wants to be him. he's not even really envious, just admiring! he doesn't want to take dickie's place, just join him there! both in a gay way, and a socially outcast way. it needs to be both, that's why it works, it's the layers

cause like, i get that! i understand what it's like to have a "sense of self" so weak that when people tell me to "just be yourself" i couldn't even tell you what that means. i wear different types of clothes around different friend groups, bc what you wear absolutely affects how people think of you and how much they respect you. if you asked a few different people in my life what my music taste is, you would almost certainly get wildly different answers, bc i tailor how much i discuss and disclose based on my audience, partially out of years of being mocked for what i like and partially bc it makes the most sense to keep common interests first and foremost in my relationships w other people

tom's sense of self (his beliefs about who he is, what he believes) is not stronger than his needs (basic needs like affection, compassion, understanding). he is genuinely willing to betray himself for dickie (to have him, to be him) bc he doesn't feel a strong enough connection to that "himself" he's betraying. access to dickie's material wealth is attractive to him, but it's the charisma that really gets him; the way dickie draws people to him, makes them feel special, the way he is loved and worshipped, that is extremely powerful for someone who seems to have no friends or close family, who feels ignored and downtrodden and made fun of. dickie's combined wealth and charisma also means he can do whatever he want and not only will there be no material consequences, he doesn't even really seem to alienate anyone!

that's where it all comes together, i think. he wants to be in dickie's place not just so he can have all this money and nice clothes and loving friends, but so he can feel like he's someone who deserves those things. tom ripley, in his mind, must not deserve any of those things, bc he does not have them; dickie does have them, so tom must have to be dickie to have them and deserve them. it's especially sad bc peter does seem to really "get" tom, but when your sense of self is that weak, being "seen" and "understood" is both so desirable you'll chase it at any cost, and so terrifying you'll run from it. it's this eternal tug of war, and tom loses it, and kills peter. i like that his story ends there, by rejecting the only real chance he had in the entire movie of having the kind of relationship he wanted, bc it's too alien to be trusted and too intimate to be comfortable. i really feel for tom :(

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

Love it when Rolling Stone puts out an article about the 25 most influential internet creators and I've only heard of 7 of them

[antennatoheaven]

[werethropy]

"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?

Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.

[tariah23]

Oh…. Well, it’s over for Crunchyroll I guess

[karda]

i miss science class bro. we dont put things under microscopes as much as we should

[violetsandshrikes]

Genuinely in love with the groovy kitty floor…

[ravenmccookies]

Weird phenomenon I've seen on tumblr

[snowberai]

Merdusa (mermaid + Medusa) but her hair is ribbon eels

[shadebloopnik]

Epic crew: Lets travel to Ithaca to livestream the premiere of "How Fucking Difficult it is to get to Ithaca" the Musical! What could go wrong?

[artist-rat]

some epilogue vibes (an excuse to draw some hugs. and my durge so many times)

[gingermintpepper]

I think, perhaps one of the funniest things to come from EPIC popularising the Odyssey is that now a ton of people think Poseidon wanted to kill Odysseus.

In the Odyssey, Poseidon has no intention of killing Odysseus. In fact, part of the whole reason Zeus lets Poseidon do whatever he wants even though he thinks Odysseus is rad and should get to kiss his wife is explicitly because Poseidon had no intentions of killing Odysseus. Poseidon wanted to pay back the suffering/inconvenience blinding Polyphemus would have caused. It's a really abstract thing tbh. How do you pay back someone permanently disabling your son? Poseidon's solution was just to amputate Odysseus from his other half; i.e. Penelope. The end game was never murder, it was always an endurance race.

(Od. Book 1: Zeus reassuring Athena that he is not, in fact, a part of Odysseus Hater-Nation. Trans. Robert Fagles)

Also, for those wondering if there's any sort of in text reason for why Poseidon wasn't around in God Games - at the time in the Odyssey when Athena petitions Zeus to let Odysseus leave Calypso's island, Poseidon was -checks notes- on vacation in Ethiopia. Yep. He left to Ethiopia for a festival and thusly was very much absent for Athena's whole "please let Ody go? Please? 🥺" request.

(Od. Book 1: While Odysseus was suffering, Poseidon went to party in the east)

I am begging y'all to read the Odyssey. It's a comedy for everyone except Odysseus and Penelope who are, in fact, suffering 24/7 365.

[sonic-adventure-3]

it’s crazy that rouge straight up said this and people still see her as a mother figure lmaooo

[petrichorvoices]

AROMANTICISM. YOU AGREE. REBLOG

[evolutionsvoid]

I don't know why, but the second any park has a boardwalk of any kind I lose my mind. I don't care if it is only like ten feet long. Coolest shit ever. 11/10. Best park ever.