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pfreadsandwrites · 4 years ago

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Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush.. LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want.

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you. But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less. But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.

#kakashi #hatake kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi headcanons #kakashi smut #naruto #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #kakashi hatake #kakashi imagines #pfthinks #pfsins

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irarelypostanything · 4 years ago

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Software engineers make a lot of money, but…

The average annual salary for an American software engineer is $86,000; the average annual salary for an American is $48,000. The above figure may be seriously skewed by Techlead, who makes a million dollars every time he comments on YouTube, and Silicon Valley, where it costs $3000 a week to live in a broom closet...but those are the statistics. So, compared to the average, software engineers make a lot of money.

Is that a lot, when you account for the amount of money it costs to become a software engineer? This is where things get interesting. Coding bootcamps are springing up, and some are good and some are borderline scams. Colleges themselves tend to be incredibly expensive, so the argument becomes more of a “computer science pays better than most majors” than a “computer science is worth it,” in my opinion...though actually, if you work out the math, student loans might be worth it if you major in computer science, MAYBE. Another interesting thing is comparing it to other majors, in a cost-benefit sort of way. Do doctors make more than software engineers? On average, definitely. Do you have to pay more for school to be a doctor? Probably...maybe…

This post wasn’t supposed to be strictly economic, but I still think about this from time to time. College for me is over - the question isn’t “Should I have majored in computer science?”, but “should we keep encouraging anyone and everyone to major in computer science?” There’s been a massive push to get more people into computer science. Anyone who’s watched “What most schools don’t teach” knows exactly what I’m talking about.

And it’s probably good, but what I take issue with is when money becomes the opening statement. I saw some people burn out of computer science in college - not that many, I’ll be honest (some of our classes weren’t tough, but we were Davis...not Berkeley), but some. One commenter on Piazza/Facebook complained that people come into computer science thinking it’s an easy route to money, when in reality it’s as rigorous as other fields of engineering and math. I think Cal Newport said it best: If you know in your heart that you’re in this major because YOU CHOSE IT, yourself, you’ll find the motivation to keep going. If someone chose it for you, then you might burn out.

Actually, I don’t even remember if he was talking about computer science. Maybe it was a general statement, or something crazy like astrophysics.

I knew a math major in my dorm. She loved math as both a hobby and a career - that alone should give you pause, and I don’t know why she never saw the campus therapist, but let me continue - and she decided to take on a little coding for a possible minor. I wrote out a study guide (admittedly irrelevant because the class changed) for her and tried to make sure she stayed motivated. For her, as it turned out, this was all a non-issue. She told me she loved it. It was her first time coding, coding was hard, and frustrating, and took forever, and she absolutely loved it.

In the actual field, we had an intern whom I shall leave unnamed. To be honest, working with him was pretty frustrating in some respects, or at least stressful. We planned out his task and vision. We knew his experience level, or his supposed experience level, and so we plotted out exactly when we expected each milestone to be completed. I was prepared to give him a better experience than what I had - just empathy, and motivation, and making sure he had the resources he needed.

Then he started, he came up to speed in a day, and he blew each task out of the water within days. Half-way through his internship and he was done with everything we thought he would complete, and then some. He apparently hadn’t worked with any of our various technologies before, but he picked up on each one, excelled, asked tons of questions, and then dominated. After learning our system through some walkthroughs on day one, he barely needed any sort of help at all. I think the best parting gift I gave him was leetcode frequencies, because God forbid a software engineer of that potential ever pay $14 a month for Leetcode premium.

So...for some people...there’s no need to motivate. They’d probably be engineers even if engineers were paid average salaries, and they’d probably do this even if it were just a hobby. Is software engineering for everyone, though? What about people like me, who have brains that were probably better suited to major in something like English, or history?

Well...they can be, I believe. I think we get wrapped up in this idea that software engineers, like my insane dorm mate, have to love coding so much that they relish the opportunity to sort names in C. But there’s a lot more in coding than just sorting names in C. There’s also C++, and then there’s this thing called Java, and then there’s that one language everyone swears will be the future.

We start people with C, and a lot of normal people like myself look at it and think, “Wow, this is confusing and boring as hell.” Then it kind of grows on them when they realize how far they’ve come, but for some people it doesn’t. They stick around for C++, maybe for the intellectual challenge, and they learn data structures. Then comes all the extraordinarily useful theory, and algorithms that will definitely come up in extremely relevant interviews, and if you get to the very end of your college career without failing (since it’s a ladder) you might just get to take the boring stuff like hacking, graphics, AI, bioinformatics, and that one class where you actually build an app for a real company or campus client.

And we sure as hell don’t start people off with frontend, where they can reap the benefits of their efforts in days instead of weeks. I actually see why this part makes more sense, but...there’s a lot of coding out there. Even if you realize you despise most coding, there’s a whole world of UI/UX that...I admittedly have not seen in a while because we’re back in middleware.

But then in middleware, there’s that whole world of stock trading, where every nanosecond matters, and books explaining why every nanosecond matters, and infrastructure with applications that...that…

...there’s a lot to coding, and there’s also money. But you can make money doing anything.

#software engineering

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lawchan89 · 6 years ago

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Composers gotta shake it up

I do wanna kinda talk about this post ‘cause it’s something that’s always bothered me as a performer. (Disclaimer: All of this goes for baritone/basses versus “screechy tenors” too.)

I’m a mezzo-soprano. Soprano II, however your sheet music spells it out. I can belt, I’m a decent belter, but it’s not my default way of singing. I have a very standard sounding voice, and I can comfortably hit a high A5 along with your typical soprano. (I have been known to sing as high as D above a high C, but that’s really only after I’m properly warmed up.) I can also compete on those low notes with the altos as well.

The point is, it’s also difficult for a true mezzo to find roles because everyone wants belters. Everyone. And honestly, I think I’m getting the pattern here.

Composers want singers that make their music sound exciting. 50-70 years ago, they wanted that lyric soprano to sustain that high C so the audience would leap to their feet. Now they want that 30-year-old who can belt an F so the audience whoops and cheers for a solid minute before the show continues. And it’s not that I don’t have respect for these women who can do it 8 times a week, I do, mad respect. (Caissie Levy is a goddess and I adore her.)

But this is all we’ve been hearing in contemporary musicals since the mid-90s. I think the only true mezzo standard voice I can recall in recent memory is Sibella from “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder.” There’s also Anya in “Anastasia”, pretty standard mezzo voice (thank you Christy for putting us back in the spotlight), but even then she has a little belting here and there. I remember getting so excited when “Come From Away” became a hit because now not only did we have more physically diverse casts coming down the pipe (I’m a bigger chick too, so ya won’t see me in anything but supporting character roles), but voices too. Even then, though, belting is the norm.

Altos have it so much worse than us mezzos, and I’ve felt awful for them for years. I’ve been trying to help my sister put together a list of songs she can pull out for auditions, and even then it’s so hard to find contralto musical theater pieces for her. I hate that composers don’t seem to find lower ranges “exciting” enough to write for them more often -- or god forbid, write lead roles for them. If there were a hit jazz musical, you could drive audiences wild with a hot crooning alto center stage, but sadly I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

We’ve still got Mean Girls, Frozen, Heathers back in popularity, Hamilton; these all have the powerhouse belting ladies that everyone wants to idolize and scream for. Nobody talks about Anna in Frozen and how delightful her standard voice is because she doesn’t belt. Nor Glinda in Wicked and her lyrical voice because I guess that’s so 1950s or whatever. All the girls wanna be Elsa and Elphaba, and it’s a little scary because belting can seriously fuck with your vocal chords permanently if you’re not doing it properly. Rarely is belting actually taught. For me to belt, I use the techniques I’ve acquired from years of private voice singing mezzo arias and apply to a different placement in my voice. It winds up sounding like more of a Judy Kuhn quality than an Idina Menzel, or insert popular female belter here.

Anyway, this has been my musical theatre rant for the day. Just to clarify, I have nothing against the singers and place the blame solely on the composers, and probably producers. Broadway’s really been shooting themselves in the foot lately on many accounts, but I feel like this one really needs to be brought to the table more often.

#lawchan rants #musical theater #musical theatre #mezzo soprano #alto #belter #i'm in a production of She Loves Me right now and it is SO refreshing to hear standard voices onstage

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ramon-balaguer · 4 years ago

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Do You Know my Jesus?

https://www.facebook.com/REBT.D/posts/4095564410487302

Do You Know my Jesus?

No seriously, My King & God, Do You Know Him, Jesus The Christ? Now, I’m Not talking about Jesus to cutting your grass, painting your home or replacing your roof… I certainly Not talking about the Jesus "exclamation mark" Christ the Bostonians often yell out to make a point. No, no, no… And I’m Not talking about the prophet or Messiah or messenger God sent to guide Israel for a short time and was eventually replaced by a “last” prophet named Mohammad who while high on opium in some cave got visions of Judaism and Christianity to create Islam…

I’m Not even talking about the man called Jesus the Mormons through the revelation after the Holy Bible Revelation according to Joseph Smith (the other “last” prophet) who while high on weed had a vision of an angel he called Moroni and wrote the Book of Mormon to create the church of Jesus Christ and Latter-day Saints. Their Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary and the one and only god the Father who was once a man like present day human beings, but who lived on another planet and sent his semen by his spirit to spiritually inseminated her and therefor Jesus inherited godly powers as His son. When I found out I wasn’t following the real Jesus, I was totally undone. I had long left Catholic private school I attended and Catholicism my family raised me in to run the streets and women as an atheist and eventually landed in the Mormon cult and subsequently dibbled and dabbled in Islam (Yes, they have a Jesus too, mentioned above as one of many prophets) having read and studied the Koran or Quran at least 5 times cover to cover while serving in the US Army.

The hard work of making Jesus fit my brain, answer when I called, and label me righteous was a full-time job that robbed me of peace. When I finally fell into the loving arms of the real Jesus, I began a genuine relationship with the Savior of the world—the One who died for me. He is everything He promised and so much more. Our culture presents us with so many versions of Jesus, letting us make Him in our own image, as oppose to us in His image and likeness. Maybe you’ve come to depend on a false Jesus and didn’t even realize it. If you are struggling to find peace, read about these false Jesuses with an open mind. Consider what Jesus said about Himself and test your beliefs against the Truth from Holy Scripture.

Here are 10 false versions of Jesus people keep falling for:

1. Mean Jesus Perhaps this image of Jesus comes from social media and the rants we see from devoted churchgoers. Maybe it is our constant news sources bickering over who is better or what is Right & Wrong. Or it could be you had a hellfire and brimstone pastor growing up, and this became your earliest depiction of Jesus. Mean and angry, full of wrath, ranting and raging about how Sin would destroy you (it will, if you remain in it and reject Jesus). But balance this image of Jesus with the story of the little children gathering to him, with His compassion for the Lazarus’ sisters, with His dealing of the woman at the well to forgive her and her to reject Sin and share The Good News. While Jesus called out Sin when He saw it, He was never cruel it except that one time with the Pharisees and Sadducees in His House of Praise, Prayer & Healing. Jesus, the Lamb, went to slaughter so that you would be free from His Wrath.

2. Political Jesus How would Jesus vote? Since there were no Democrats or Republicans in His day, we don’t know. What we do know is that He loved and would Never Vote against Himself or His Father. I other words, he would Not Vote for Satan and his followers or folks for killing babies or justifying illegal activities or any manner of Sin. But the apolitical Jesus took the side of those in need and that my friends is what we The Church should be doing and Not trying to depend on the government to do for US.

Today, we are all in need in one form or another, and we all need Him. As a believer in Jesus Christ, He is on your team. He is for you. He is for your redemption. He is for your Sanctification. He died for you while you still Sinned. Right or left, wrong or Right, He is for you. He is patient with us as we learn and grow and understands the frustrations that we face with both the Republican and the Democrats and especially the Sin Sick Socialist Lying Leftist Liberals. He walks with us through the valleys, and He delights in our newfound wisdom and growth.

3. Genie in a Bottle Jesus Your wish is not necessarily His command. That the Oprah Winfrey kinda Jesus. We’re often mystified when we clasp our hands tightly together and summon Jesus to answer our every request…and nothing happens. We become deflated by what we believe is unanswered prayer, allowing our faith to increase or decrease by what we perceive.

If you’re a parent, chances are you desire a good relationship with your child. But if your child asks for $10,000 and you say no, does that mean they stop believing or depending in you and the relationship is destroyed? Of course not. In the same way, you must consider what you are asking of Jesus. What are your expectations and motives? And are you still going to Believe in Him even when you don’t get your way?

4. I’ll Teach You Jesus. Imagine what your relationship with your child would look like if these were some of the requirements: You will meet me at 5:00 every morning, I don’t care if you didn’t sleep. Now tell me what you want. I may or may not give it to you. If you have been completely impossible to deal with, I might sprain your ankle or give you a brain tumor to teach you something. Laughable? Sure. But how many of us believe in this works-based and punishment-loving Jesus? He died while we still Sinned. He came to bind up the brokenhearted, not break our hearts and spirits to keep us in line.

5. You Look Like You Can Take It Jesus. “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” Do I look like I can handle the Big C “cancer” or even the lil c “COVID19″ the left has left many in fear of or the lung disease doctors have given up on my brother-in-law is dying from and dealing with? Or the Black Lives Matter and Antifa domestic terrorists’ Stealing, Killing and Destroying Democrat ran cities the “leadership” there allows? Or bankruptcy, or a natural disaster, or the death of a child? Do I even look like I could handle an itchy rash or ingrown toe nail much less a combat related wound or Divorce?

Scripture teaches that we can’t handle anything apart from Jesus Christ. Far from doling out sickness or discomfort or tragedy, He promises to be with us in times of need, Not to mention at all times to Never Leave us nor forsake us. In our weakness, He shows Himself strong and makes us stronger by His Spirit.

6. I Couldn't Care Less Jesus. Sometimes we feel like He is nowhere to be found. We call, and there is no answer. This Jesus is not the Compassionate Christ who laid down His life for ours. Still, in times of heartache, it is hard to understand why He doesn’t answer. Or at least, we don’t know or understand His answers. He has shown me it is okay to question Him. My most favorite prayer in these seasons? “Lord, help my unbelief.” One of the shortest but most impactful and helpful prayers in The Holy Bible.

A relationship with Jesus is a journey. There will be ups and downs. He can take the heat—He proved that through the cross. It is okay to ask why. He always shows up, every time. He said in this life, your life, you will have troubles, but be of good cheer, He has overcome it ALL. Ask, Seek, and Knock. He will answer.

7. Church Jesus The Law is Holy and Good, but it doesn’t make me Holy and Good. No more than the full nice 2” clerical or ordained minister’s collar I wear from time to time. No matter how good a church and it’s teaching of the Word of God, it does not make me Holy. Paul reminds us, do not neglect the assembly (Hebrews 10:25). Yes, hold each other up, hold each other accountable, and by all means encourage one another. But if the pew is shaken, guess what shouldn’t be? You and Jesus. Your relationship with Jesus is separate and not dependent on the church (body of Believers congregating in a place), But The Church, You, Yes, You. No matter what unexpected challenges happen in “the church,” you and Jesus should still be on solid ground. He is the Solid Rock of our Faith, Salvation and ALL.

The church is made up of imperfect people, while Jesus is Perfect and Holy.

8. Rule-Play Jesus This Jesus and I have been super tight for many years. I obeyed all the rules. I even laminated a list and used color-coordinated markers to check off my accomplishments, believing they counted me worthy, while Not writing down my failures and Sin so as Not to remember them or the wretched man I am. Beloved, Salvation is the Cross plus nothing. The thief on the cross was asked only to Believe and that very hour he was Saved. There was really nothing left for him to do. He couldn’t attend a service, memorize Scripture, sing in the choir, take a meal to a neighbor, volunteer, or wash feet or the altar clothes. He was made Righteous because he said Yes to Jesus.

There was no other requirement to fulfill. Circumcision? No; Water Baptism by full or even partial immersion, pouring, sprinkling or even the mystical and unseen Fire Speaking in Tongues Baptism? Nope! There is nothing that can make the Perfected Work of the Cross anymore Perfect than the Perfect One our God, The Son and Lord Jesus The Christ. Your yes to Jesus counts you as Righteous. Toss out the rules of religiosity and bask in the refreshment of relationship. But stay connect and Sin Not so as Not to lose the salvation you gained as a Born Again Believer; or rather remain Not in Sin that His Grace may abound. God forbid.

So don't get it twisted, Jesus does have a Rule Book He Lives and Plays by, it's Called The Holy Bible or The Word or His Word... Because He Is The Word. Just remember, that all the Rules and Laws Given fall under His Two Greatest Commandments to Love Him with ALL your Heart, all your Soul and all your mind. And the second is like unto the first, You shall love your neighbor (Family and friends or everyone) as yourself.

9. Confused Jesus A couple years ago I went to a pastor and asked some questions about the Sermon on the Mount. The pastor laughed and said, “Yes, ours is not to understand. Ours is just to obey. Jesus was a confusing guy.” I lived with this, heavy on my heart. It would be two more years before I heard a sermon by another pastor and was undone by the revelation that Jesus was not confusing, except to unbelieving hearts and minds.

My Jesus fulfilled the Law and set us free from this heavy burden of condemnation. Jesus did died to set me and yes, you free. There is nothing confusing about Him, this and His Word. Not Confusing, No Contradictions and No Controversies. We walk free from condemnation in the grip of grace.

10. If/Then Jesus This is the most elusive and deceptive Jesus. If I do such and such, then Christ will do what I expect. But Jesus cannot be manipulated, and our works do not make Him move; our Faith does. Our good deeds do not make Him love us more and our bad deeds less. In fact, NOTHING can separate us All Sinners and Saints alike from His Love (Don’t get that confused with our ability to lose His Salvation and therefor Separate or Sever ourselves from Him). Again and most Importantly, nothing can separate us from the LOVE of JESUS.

The belief that “If I do or do not do, then Jesus will or won’t do” is a Jesus of colossal works. This Jesus keeps us in bondage to busyness and striving that keeps us apart from the good nature of my Jesus Who just simply Loves. He Is Love. He Loved perfectly so that we might be together for eternity. That was all. Simply Jesus.

Was there even a twinge or flutter in your spirit? One that said, “Oh, that is the Jesus I have been serving?” I know as I came to a place of Knowing, Understanding and Loving the real Jesus, my God, I saw pieces of the false Jesuses falling away and more of His natural and good character shining through to make me more like Him.

Will you pray this prayer with me?

Jesus, I said Yes to You. Thank You for Saving from this world and myself, the clutches of Death and the Devil. I Love You with ALL my heart, soul and mind; and live to Serve You. I want Only You First and Foremost in my Life, Heart, Soul, Mind and Spirit. The real You. All of You. You promised that if I seek I will find. Help me seek the Truth in ALL things and keep my eyes wholly fixated on the True and Holy You to Love and Serve You ALL the more and to love and serve fellow Believers and others all the more. Amen. 🥰🙏💘 #REBTD 😇

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aquarianlights · 7 years ago

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So, uh. . .does anyone have any idea what happens to our social media accounts and accounts on other sites/apps if net neutrality is abolished and the vast majority of us cannot pay for internet anymore, making it really boring and not worth it for the top 1% to pay for it? I mean, not just Tumblr. Tumblr, FB, Kik, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Spotify, Pandora, Kindle, Various E-Mails, Netflix, Fetlife, . . .Uh, that’s all I can think of. What happens to our accounts? Do they get closed after a certain time? And, if they do, can we re-open them like FB allows us to do (as of right now; Idk how it’ll change if the bill passes, god forbid)? Or will they reassign our usernames to someone else???

Snagging the usernames edmdma and CollarAKit have pretty much defined me. That’s what I have as my username pretty much everywhere.

And I don’t want to fucking lose my tumblr. . .there’s so much I have to fucking save to a flash drive before I get forcibly removed from the internet due to not wanting to risk financial collapse when I am so close to that already and have been there quite a bit as of these most recent years.But I have so much to save. . .I have had this blog since...around maybe 2011-ish, maybe really late 2010. I have been on this godforsaken site for probably somewhere around 7 fucking years. I’ve been estimating about 5, but no. . .It’s over that. By a long shot.

Yeah, I have a lot of important stuff I wanna save tagged to easily find it (Echo, selfies with friends, pictures of stuff/places I have taken, etc. . .), but things like my reference posts are not. . .not that easy to save. . .I will have to c/p the whole page to Paint and crop it. AND THEN save it. That’s way too much work. . .I don’t want to abandon my blog, not because I can’t live without it, but because of the fact there are too many posts there for me to go through in this short amount of time....... And it will kill me to erase 7 fucking years of nonstop progress. To erase all the evidence that I have come from nothing (a very literal, red-coloured “in-the-negatives” type of nothingness value) and become this fucking wonderful human being and am truly being the best self I can be.

This site fucking taught me how to love myself. How to not be toxic to people anymore. I learned that my mental disorders are REASONS for my actions, NOT excuses. And that it was not okay to do them to anyone under any circumstances and then just shrug and say “I have x mental disorder. Not my fault.” I have learned how to adult properly and how to become autonomous. I have had my life saved over and over by people talking to me when I’m down, shooting me positive messages and positive vibes, telling me something to take my mind off of it, being offered endless lists of resources for everything imaginable, and some people who knew my address at the time calling 911 on me to literally save my life after I had overdosed or had my dad’s gun to my head or slit my wrists a little too deep in the “right” direction or had a noose around my throat or ran my car into a guardrail. . .Things like that. . .

I don’t call 911 when I feel all my limbs go heavy from the overdose and my vision would slowly go blurry and then start closing in around the corners down to tunnel vision, then getting even blurrier in the middle. . and then total darkness. All the while, you listen to your hearing fade until it’s just randomized mumbles that you can’t understand, then to the point of jibberish that sounds like they are in The Sims. . .and then, finally, your hearing just cuts out altogether and you suddenly realize what it is like being deaf and blind. And then you try to speak. . .to beg for help. . .It’s like sleep paralysis: You think you’re speaking/screaming aloud, but you’re barely speaking a whisper, if anything. No one notices. No one can hear you. And that’s when the respiratory depression gets so bad and burns so much that it feels like the there are a million bees injecting molten fire into your chest and straight, sharp points drilling into your heart. It’s unreal and it’s so hard to not reach out for help at the very last second on that part. The respiratory depression. With all the 100+ suicide attempts I have had in my life. . .I can tell you it’s the same with p much every medication. Benzos seem to be the only exception to this rule. It’s scary af, though. Don’t do it!!! But if I hadn’t have caved and written something on tumblr every time I attempted and was at wits end and didn’t know what to do. . .I wouldn’t be alive today. With all those attempts on my record, I would have wound up dead pretty early on. . .as my first attempt was at the age of 13. I think. 12 or 13. I can’t remember that far back. . .yikes.

UH.....ANYWAYS...... I don’t want to lose my friends, my coping mechanisms, my resources, and all my pictures and refs. It may just kill me. I may just have to kill myself. I will no longer be able to implement healthy coping mechs or contact my support system. How do I get from there to..... yeah.

I refuse to give up my url here. I refuse to give up my blog here. So. . .I NEED to know before this has a chance to pass...... Will it affect our usernames/blogs/accounts in any way? I can’t seem to find any info on this particular topic!

Also, I damn well know Verizon and other major mobile companies are going to be the ones in control. I have Verizon. I have a plan with them and I won’t be switching to another company at least for another few months, if not 6 months to a year. Verizon has complete control over me if this passes and my information gathering and studying for no reason.

So I NEED TO ASK THIS, TOO: Will this bill passing affect things that don’t use wifi? Like. . .I’m asking about texting and calling and voicemail in particular. I guess the camera, too. So. . .literally just those four things.

So: 1) What happens to all of our accounts/usernames/things on that account when we are forced off the internet via Big Brother? 2) Will the bill passing affect things that don’t use wifi (texting on the standard app that comes with the phone, selfie and backwards camera, voicemail, and phone calls---that’s it. Four things.)???

#personal #net neutrality

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spoonielivingfree · 5 years ago

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I feel like this is round 2 of “if your well enough to do x then you can work.” But god am I angry and upset and generally don’t like my job and no ones even done anything major yet. Also haven’t been off sick despite severe pain because god forbid people see me have a life.

I’m in a really bad pain flare this week. Endo = fibro going haywire and later on will lead to HSD going haywire. I’m also normal person sick which doesn’t help matters and incredibly busy! (Doing things I enjoy and want to do but still.)

So I guess it doesn’t take a lot to piss me off and make me feel out of sorts. Functioning at a v high level I.e being out of the house other than to sleep with 8/10 endo pain is fucking hard and yes makes me easily irritated with peoples ignorance to the realities of living with multiple chronic illnesses.

I once said to my friend that if I got signed off sick I would climb every day and okay. Maybe not every day cause bodies need breaks and only if i wasn’t signed off sick cause I had to have a surgery or something. But near enough. I stand by that and this post will tell you why.

A) I have HSD and H-EDS has been thrown around a few times. One way to combat these illnesses or atleast that part that causes joint dislocations is to be hyper strong. Our tendons are under more stress than the average human because our joints hyperextend. Building muscles helps prevent injury and pain. In addition to this we also seem to start to decondition quicker. Meaning. I need to climb. Climbing is the only exercise I can do that doesn’t make my ME worse and the only exercise that relives that awful brain swelling feeling that causes so much dizziness. Don’t ask me why don’t ask me how. But it is. Even gentle Pilates will leave me stuck on the bedroom floor. Climbing is my physio. It’s my road to recovery.

B) My mental wellbeing is also important. Climbing makes me happy. It makes life worth living. It pushes me to be accountable to myself. Makes me better at taking my supplements, try to get adequate rest and eat a better diet. All of these things are hella expensive and take a lot of commitment. I would much rather spend my money on fun but this is the reality and when I climb, I remember how far I’ve come and that I need to do my best to balance everything. Tagged onto this is I need to see people. Life with a chronic illness is incredibly isolating. My gym is very social I love it. It is almost impossible to go through a climbing session without speaking to someone. My view to health is that your physical wellbeing affects your mental wellbeing and vice versa. If you want a healthy happy Hannah she needs to climb.

C) There is a big difference between working 8 hours a day and having a short sesh at the gym or a chill social sesh where you spend more time laying or sitting on the mats than climbing. This is especially true considering the different types of energy. Yes climbing is cognitive but not in the same way as reading and analysing information for 8 hours a day. It can be so easy to be quick to judge as to whether someone is faking or not. I know, I too have been guilty of this in the past. Not necessarily faking but just picking and choosing.

I urge everyone to be more mindful and maybe think a little more before judging. It can be hard to see something from the disabled persons side even if your disabled because we’re all so unique but try and if you need to ask questions, ask ahead.

Why I climb and will continue to do so even if I can no longer work full time

I feel like this is round 2 of “if your well enough to do x then you can work.” But god am I angry and upset and generally don’t like my job and no ones even done anything major yet.

Why I climb and will continue to do so even if I can no longer work full time I feel like this is round 2 of “if your well enough to do x then you can work.” But god am I angry and upset and generally don’t like my job and no ones even done anything major yet.

#Chronic fatigue syndrome #Chronic pain #climbing #endometriosis #fibromyalgia #hypermobile spectrum disorder #ME #paraclimber #Personal

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lenaglittleus · 7 years ago

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6 Months In San Francisco | My Initial Thoughts + Your Questions Answered!

Confession, it’s actually been 8 months since we landed in San Francisco. We technically got here at the end of November (the 22nd to be exact), but there were a lot of unknowns when we first got here, including, will we stay? So I’m counting from when we moved into our apartment in the city in mid-January, which makes it about 6.5 months of living here so I’m not completely lying to you!

But whether it’s been 6 months or 8 months, I still feel like a newbie to the city, which also means I’m still in the honeymoon-phase as well. I’ve pretty much experienced every type of emotion under the sun since moving here and have learned A LOT about the culture. Some good, some bad but mostly very, very good.

So I’m writing this post for anyone who is curious about San Francisco, is planning a big move and also for me, because at the end of the day this space is my online diary and I want to chronicle these emotions. Of course, these reflections are entirely my own and I may be making some sweeping generalizations here, but this has been my experience so far.

THE CULTURE

When we told people we were moving to San Francisco, most people nodded their heads and said something along the lines of “mhmmmm sounds like your kind of place”. And yes, they were entirely right. This city is made up of entrepreneurs, foodies, health nuts, outdoorsy folks and I swear the median age here is 30. It is very much as tech-forward as it seems and oftentimes I have to check myself about the reality that most of the world does not live with an app that can pretty much do anything for you or casually see self-driving cars riding down the street.

It’s definitely not a late-night city, which is great because my stamina peaked at 23 and I can’t stay up past 11:00 PM. Consequently, most people spend their weekends looking for some outdoor activity or way to get out of the city. So yeah…totally my jam.

It’s also an incredibly expensive city. This was something I was aware of, though I didn’t anticipate how widespread it would be. I expected rent prices to be astronomical (they are), but everything from a burrito to a workout class is insanely pricey. Luckily, I’m thrifty and we were willing to live in a less cool neighborhood so it’s been an okay adjustment for us, but yeah, it’s a bit of a shock to the system. Not complaining, just adding my two cents.

Because of the influx of young people and specifically those in the tech scene, there are a lot of socioeconomic issues at play. I’m not going to get into these but want to acknowledge the fact that while this city is wonderfully thriving, there are also a lot of people struggling to live because the city has just simply become way too expensive for most. I also acknowledge that I am very much a part of the problem. But that’s all I’ll say about that for now.

Perhaps what I love most about San Francisco is the community feel. Even though it’s a city, it’s still a small one (less than a million in a 7 x 7 mile radius) and there’s definitely a culture of collaboration and team work. Maybe it was because I was coming from Toronto, which is HUGE, but I’ve felt a lot more supported personally and business-wise since moving here. Everyone is friendly and willing to help you out.

I’m definitely drinking the San Francisco koolaid.

THINGS I DIDN’T EXPECT

While there was a lot I was prepared for since we have family here and have visited several times over the last couple of years, there were a few things I was surprised to discover in our 6 months in San Francisco.

There are a million neighborhoods – despite being small, I swear SF has more neighborhoods than any other city. Some neighborhoods feel like they’re only 4 blocks long! It’s made it tricky to get to learn the city, but I’m getting there.

You need a car – I’ve only ever lived in cities where having a car isn’t necessary (Toronto, Montreal, NYC). We technically had a car, it just didn’t quite make it to San Francisco (whomp whomp), and while we’ve managed to survive without one, it’s certainly a nice perk. Because of Lyft and Uber, it isn’t nearly as challenging to get around the city, and we both take public transit, but it’s for adventures outside of the city that it gets tricky. Fortunately, our friends and family have been generous with us and we’ve made do until we decide to invest in our own.

The city is tiny – I mean this both physically and population-wise. You could run across the city and have only done a quarter marathon. And besides actually being small, it feels small. I’m pretty new to the city but even I’m running into the few people I know on the street. Everyone feels like they’re one-degree of connection away from the next person.

People freak out if you say “San Fran” – Yup, it’s a big faux-pas to call it San Fran. While I don’t personally care, it’s sort of this untold sign that you’re a foreigner and locals roll their eyes when people call it that. Call it San Francisco or SF or be prepared to be judged. God forbid you should call it “Frisco”…

Everyone here is new – Literally everyone I meet “just moved to San Francisco”. I felt like the new kid on the block for 2 weeks after which I was surprised by a whole slew of people. Suddenly I became a local. Of course, there are people who are born and raised here (they’ll let you know), but most people are new to the city.

It’s cold – This coming from a Canadian, I should add. While, it isn’t actually cold, it is not the typical California weather that people picture. The weather fluctuates between 50-65 all year long. The summer is actually the coldest because the fog rolls in. I had only ever visited in the Spring and Fall so I never realized what fog actually meant. Needless-to-say, we now have to warn all friends and family visiting to not bother bringing shorts.

There’s no such thing as air-conditioning– No homes come with A/C (unless you’re living the lux life) and it takes one hell of a cold spell for people to turn on their heat. When we first moved here I was shivering for 2 months straight and then we moved into our apartment and I cranked the heat to 72. No shame.

The fog has a name – his name is Karl and he has a hilarious twitter account that I’m pretty sure is the funniest on the internet. You get to know him pretty well when you live here.

YOUR QUESTIONS

Since moving here, a lot of you guys had questions so I thought I would answer them all in one place. If you have any others, feel free to drop them in the comments below and I’ll respond to them!

1. What visa are you on? I am not on a visa. I have dual citizenship (as does C…I know, not fair!) from my American Mom so I didn’t have to deal with visa issues. Taxes on the other hand…nightmare.

2. How do you feel about the weather? March through May and September through November I am obsessed with the weather. It’s sunny, cool and perfect for any outdoor adventure. The rainy season (Winter) is pretty brutal but not nearly as bad as snow IMO. I think I’ll miss the Fall changing of leaves, but I can always visit somewhere in the midwest or east coast if I want to see foliage

3. How’d you handle the anxiety/stress of change and the unknown? Well, the truth is that I didn’t handle it very well. To be honest, I was not focused at all on the anxiety and stress that moving inevitably induces and instead got wrapped up in what life would look like when it was finally settled. When the shock of it all hit me, I was so unprepared them I ended up feeling extreme anxiety and stress. I learned a lot from the process, which you watch here.

4. Have you noticed any small signs of it being the right move for you? I love this question (thanks Kelsey!). TBH I can’t remember if there were any small signs (I was in a very emotional state when we moved and I can’t say I was paying attention), but I do think that all of the stressful situations we went through all happened for a reason. Things like totalling the car, having credit issues (two Canadians who had zero credit in the US) and struggles with finding a home actually made us more resilient and tested mine and C’s relationship in a big way. It’s not that we became closer, but we did discover our capacity for working together through stressful situations, which I am forever grateful for and definitely made us feel ready to take the next step. I also think we have so much more appreciation for the life we’ve created because we REALLY had to work for it.

5. How has it been making friends in a new city? Easy! Like I said, so many people here are new so everyone is really open to making friends. We came into our move knowing a lot of people but have made lots of new friends and it was wayyyy easier than I’d imagined so long as you’re willing to put yourself out there.

6. How have you handled being away from family and friends? I miss my friends and family back home in Toronto, but when you move to a desirable city, you can expect they’ll come visit. Since April it’s pretty much been a non-stop series of visitors so we certainly haven’t felt lonely. I’m also back in Toronto every couple of months so even though we miss our people on a daily basis, we still get to see them often.

7. What are your favorite healthy restaurants and brunch places in San Francisco? I’m planning on writing a post similar to this one that I did for Toronto once we’ve spent a bit more time here and have been able to explore more. But for now, here are so favorites:

–Seed and Salt: a bit overpriced – everything is here – but their chocolate chip cookies and turmeric latte is amazing –Marla Bakery: We loveeee the sourdough and the farmer’s cheese on an everything bagel –Blue Barn: Best place to get salads twice the size of your head –Jane on Fillmore: Love everything about this place but especially their fast wifi and plenty of seats to bunk-up and work for a couple of hours –Nourish Cafe: Their green acai bowl is bomb –The Richfield: My favorite Matcha Latte in the city –Burma Superstar: Not exactly the healthiest but I love their Fiery Tofu with Veggies and Tea Leaf Salad. –Zazie: Go for brunch. Thank me later.

There are soooooo many others that I didn’t include or haven’t explored, but stay tuned!

8. How has the blogging scene been in San Francisco? I had no idea what to expect when it came to meeting other bloggers. It’s actually ended up being super awesome! This is all my own experience, but I felt like the Toronto scene could be very cliquey at times. I met some amazing people through it, but other times it felt like bloggers were more like socialites who were creating content for brands, rather than something that might be valuable to their readers.

I’ve had the complete opposite experience here. First off, I’m surprised at how few bloggers are doing this full-time. I expected it to be much higher, since it’s such a tech/entrepreneurial scene, but for most people this is a side-hustle. It’s been hard meeting other bloggers who get what it means to have this be your business, but everyone here has been so kind, inviting and willing to help me out as I get to know the Bay.

Let me know if you guys like these updates and I’ll keep em’ coming! Stay tuned for an apartment tour and my favorite places in San Francisco coming soon.

Have you ever been to San Francisco? Is this what you expected it to be like?

The post 6 Months In San Francisco | My Initial Thoughts + Your Questions Answered! appeared first on The Healthy Maven.

from News About Health http://www.thehealthymaven.com/2017/07/6-months-in-san-francisco.html

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