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centaurianthropology · 3 months ago

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Hammer Horror-a-thon: 'Dracula A.D. 1972'

I know I said that I would skip this one, but after I posted, my conscience nagged at me. I had said I wanted to see Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing face off again. I had said I might enjoy the worse and hornier sequels to 'Horror of Dracula' even more than I enjoyed the original.

And yet I didn't want to watch the terrible, horny sequel? Weak! Did I fall at the first shitty movie hurdle? NO!

Anyway, tonight I inflict upon myself and all of you ... 'Dracula A.D. 1972'.

From the off this movie commits a massive crime in my book: it implies that Dracula was already resurrected and faced off with van Helsing at least one other time, but probably often. Like, a full lifetime of cat-and-mouse between them. AND WE NEVER GOT TO SEE IT! Yes, I know I skipped all the sequels between the original and this one (I am here for this duo, and owe the Hammer cinematic universe nothing), because none of them had both Cushing and Lee in them, but this movie has the gall to imply that there is some other, parallel universe where there were like five other movies where these two tried to homoerotically murder one another?? And we were denied????

Crimes! Unspeakable crimes!

Anyway, we open with what is the final confrontation between the original van Helsing (whose name was apparently Lawrence rather than Abraham? I completely missed that in 'Horror of Dracula'). Both are killed. It's like Romeo and Juliet, but with a broken carriage wheel and blunt force trauma.

Look at them and imagine so many more movies of this. We could have had it alllllllll ...

But Dracula, who always comes back, is once again resurrected! How does this happen?

A groupie. Dracula got his ass a groupie, who calls himself 'Jonny Alucard', because Hammer Horror has never been about subtlety.

Wait, did 'Castlevania' steal Alucard from 'Dracula A.D. 1972'?? Because that's hilarious if true.

So groupie Alucard buries Dracula's ashes with van Helsing, which is fucking romantic in a creepy way, I guess, and then we flash forward to the swinging tunes of 1972. And I have to say, the cinematography in this film is coming on strong. It's dynamic, colorful, looks interesting, there's cool shots ... the director of photography, Dick Bush (yes, that is his actual name) is doing a lot with his little budget.

We arrive at a party in full swing. If there was ever a stereotypical counterculture party of 1972, it is this one. We have a band. We have sex. We have dancing. We have probable drug use. We have definite alcohol use. We are free of the Hayes Code, baby, and we are making the most of it. And in the middle of the color and the music and the abundance of varying-degrees-removed-from-hippie, we have Alucard (Christopher Neame in one of his very first roles!). The pretentious goth boy at the party, in his ruffles and black velvet and fedora. Before there ever were fedora-tippers, there was this lad.

You can practically hear the 'milady'

And I have to say, with our first real taste of it, the script is sort of solid? There's a fun patter to the dialogue, the characters come across as lively and snappy, and the whole thing feels way more fresh and fun than I was expecting after the fairly sedate writing in 'The Horror of Dracula'. The acting is also bouncier, with all the actors seeming to have quite a bit of fun in the scene. It's goofy, but it's in on the joke.

Turns out, he's a part of a group of counter-culture kids. You've got Alucard (same one? Descendent? Who knows, since grandkids have a tendency to have the same actor as the original, more on that later.), The Monk (I forget his name, but he spends the entire movie in a monk robe making wisecracks, so we're calling him The Monk), a few random cannon-fodder kids, and ... Jess (Stephanie Beacham).

She's got 'final girl' written all over her!

Alucard, to stave off the boredom of endless parties, suggests demonic rites, as one does. Everyone initially laughs, but they're young, dumb, bored, and, most importantly, the teenagers in a proto-slasher flick. So you know they're going to go along with it after they've given him some rightful shit for his continued pretentions. And again, the writing is a bit schlocky, but does genuinely capture the vibe of a friend group, ranging from people eager to give it a try to some who think it's silly to Jess, the most reluctant of the bunch. She thinks there might be some danger involved in trying to do demonic rituals in a soon-to-be-demolished church. And while in real life that's called being a killjoy, in this universe she has reasons to be concerned.

Reasons like her anthropology professor grandfather, Lorrimer van Helsing. Yep! We have another descendent-played-by-the-same-actor, and Peter Cushing is back as a new van Helsing for a modern era. Jessica is well aware of her family history, but both of them seem convinced it's a little more research-based, and she thinks it's fairly similar to any other new-age trip.

I have to say, I love what Stephanie Beacham does with this role. Jessica is young and hip, but also friendly and relatable. She's got a sense of humor, and with her delivering her lines in an easy, naturalistic manner as Cushing is a bit more old-school, you get a great sense of the generational gap between grandfather and graddaughter (no mention of her parents, but she seems to be living with her graddad).

I'm sort of blown away by how fun this movie is so far?

So the group of kids all show up to the soon-to-be-demolished church, which also happens to be where Lawrence van Helsing was buried. Jessica's more than a bit pissed, realizing they were arriving on the date of her great-grandfather's death (which makes Lorrimer Lawrence's child?? I don't think those dates work, but okay). But she ends up deciding that it's a coincidence, and is convinced to stick around by a fast-talking Monk.

The Black Mass scene is pure schlock, and it's hilarious. Christopher Neame really leans into the scenery chewing, and we finally kick off the horror part of this horror movie with gouts of magically conjured fake blood. It's a deeply stupid scene, and exactly the sort of thing I wanted from this movie.

It's so fucking dumb!

The kids scatter, leaving one of their friends behind (RIP Laura, you were great at screaming and getting covered in blood), and Alucard gets his groupie on as Dracula rises from the grave once more. Not that Dracula seems to give much of a damn about him. Poor Alucard, you go to all that work, are that dramatic, bleed all over a lady, and he doesn't even want to bite you. He goes for Laura instead.

So with Laura 'dead' (probably a vampire), Alucard goes about trying to convince his friends that it was all just a hoax, that Laura's fine, and they should definitely stick around to get picked off one by one.

Meanwhile, because we're now in the 1970s, Laura's death prompts an actual police investigation, and since Jess was one of her friends, the police want to talk to both her and her grandfather, who had apparently helped them before with blackmailing witches (can we see the white collar crime witchcraft movie, please??).

While the police are investigating, cannon-fodder teen #2 gets lured to Alucard's flat with the promise of jazz (RIP Gaynor, all we know about you is that you have good musical taste). Once again, she gets bit. Once again, Alucard gets nothing but a telling-off that he still hasn't managed to lure in Jessica (because Dracula is already fixated on the van Helsings). You'd think Alucard's going to start getting pissy about the lack of bisexual vampirism.

When will senpai notice him?

Van Helsing, much like his ancestor, can at least put the pieces together quickly enough (although one wonders why he hadn't already realized that 'Alucard' is 'Dracula' spelled backward, but he's on the trail. Was he trained to hunt vampires, or is he literally just a professor of anthropology in his 60s who's going to have to learn on the fly? We're about to find out!

Lorrimar van Helsing, Scrabble champion

Alucard throws a proper fit about once again being passed over, demanding to be turned. Dracula is not best pleased, but also clearly sort of into the begging. So in the end do we get bisexual vampirism? We do! We cut before it happens (boo), but Alucard finally has his vampire groupie dreams fulfilled.

Good for him

Van Helsing starts his investigation in earnest, grabbing a crucifix, a silver knife (does he know how to knife-fight??), and a bottle of holy water. And it turns out that the cops just believe him. No need to try to convince them about vampires, they're on-board, because we're int he Hammer universe, baby! At some level, everyone in this universe seems to already know that vampires and whatever else are real. He infodumps to the police inspector, who remains totally chill with this information and letting van Helsing run the investigation from here on out so long as they keep it on the DL.

Meanwhile, while he's playing detective, Jess is lured into a trap, since her boyfriend Bob has been turned into Bob the vampire by a newly-vamped Alucard. And unfortunately, she was not trained to be Buffy, so the best she can do is burn the shit out of Alucard with a crucifix before fainting. I'm not judging Lorrimar's parenting skills, but if he thought that that one obsessive vampire constantly trying to bite him and his entire family over multiple resurrections could, you know, get resurrected again, it might have been a good idea to teach her to at least carry a silver knife and a bottle of holy water around with her.

This is 100% an L for van Helsing parenting

Van Helsing realizes that Jessica's gone missing and starts trying his hand at vampire hunting in earnest as the baby vamps drag poor Jess off to Dracula. Luckily, one of the other cannon-fodder teens, Anna, reveals that she got high at Alucard's place once! Hooray for convenient info!

Van Helsing gets to cut his teeth at vampire hunting with a really fun fight-sequence against Alucard. And I have to say, I feel like horniness for the van Helsings runs in Dracula's bloodline, because Jonny really wants a bite of that old man. Luckily, goofy vampire deaths remain a mainstay of this series, as van Helsing takes him down with a mirror reflecting sunlight and a fucking shower of running water. It's so dumb. It's SO. DUMB, and Christopher Neame absolutely crushes it at the hammiest of vampire deaths. Positively gnawing on every inch of that scenery. I love him.

We get multiple vampire fights, and we start off with this? We are truly spoiled.

Tragically, we don't also have time for a fight with Bob, and we've sort of lost track of the other girls, because we're once more pelting madly toward that point of the movie we've all been waiting for: watching those old men fling each other around a room for a bit!

We kick off with some truly unhinged scene setup, as Van Helsing gets his whittling badge by digging a massive pit, carving a ton of stakes, and setting up and honest-to-God pit trap. Meanwhile, he also plants a crucifix on Jessica, who he finds in some sort of magical sleep, so at least Dracula won't be able to bite her before they can have their confrontation. Dracula manages to rip off the necklace, but van Helsing turns up, and its time for a good old lover's tiff.

Van Helsing demands Dracula remember him, and from that point on, Dracula only has (bloodshot) eyes for one man.

The disheveled nemesis ex bitch is back!

The expression of a man seeing his ex for the first time in a century, and the ex is still hot.

The ex is still hot!

And they get an actual verbal confrontation this time (at least Christopher Lee gets some really hammy lines!)! It's over-the-top! It's hammy! The fight choreography is deeply iffy. It's exactly what I wanted! Rough one another up some more!

Luckily for us, a hypnotized Jessica keeps this fight from ending too soon, and that ridiculous spike trap actually gets used, continuing the tradition of very silly vampire deaths. Seriously, does Dracula ever get a dignified badass death? Or does every movie end like a Loony Toons cartoon?

Alas, it's only a five-minute confrontation (I could have done with a lot more), and we end with the spell broken, Jessica fine, and perhaps a massive training montage in store for both the van Helsings.

So you know what? I am so pleased I watched this movie I almost avoided. Yes, it was ridiculous cheese. Yes, it was really silly, and you know what? I really fucking enjoyed it. I could still do with more Dracula/van Helsing fights (only five minutes??), but damn that was fun. Solid B-movie acting, an honestly fun musical score, and Dick Bush (did you forget about him?) really set up some great shots and got a really solid atmosphere going on a tight budget.

I really, unironically, enjoyed this movie!

And next time, we finish out the Dracula movies with 'The Satanic Rites of Dracula', this movie's direct sequel!

#Dracula A.D. 1972 #Christopher Lee #Peter Cushing #Stephanie Beacham #Christopher Neame #if you want an actually fun B horror flick for the season #I genuinely recommend this ridiculous film #could have been more homoerotic #but we did get five glorious minutes #and Alucard's hungry ass #Vancula #Hammer horror-a-thon

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