#Gilf content lmAO

[clownsuu]

Just a coupla home doodles nothin to see here smhhhh

h o u s

[saiakv]

From x. | @kuraokcmi

We beings here assembled, whether terrestrial or celestial, salute the Accomplished Buddha, honoured by gods and men. May there be happiness! — Ring. —

CLAD IN SILK THAT ALLUDES TO LAVISH HOSPITALITY — battle-scarred skin that should not be ( there was naught but void where this arm once grew from once; now every fibre of dense muscle has been rebuilt into a meaty pauldron ) brings forbidden warmth to the mountain's peak. There, it coils around eternal frost like a serpent carrying the Sacred Flame, each heartbeat resonating through pebbled skin as their limbs entangle and claim all attention of the physical eye. The ridges between his shoulders roll languidly as a prowling tiger when he shifts to hover atop the lying demigod — an ethereal being captured in this mortal flesh; does he even know the reason why his question has brought a curl to Kenjaku's lip?

❝ Do you wish to escape? ❞ Teeth leer over his lips; parted to welcome the poison, innocently. ❝ Being on the run gets lonely, I'd wager. ❞ He nuzzles, dares let his fingers venture to undo the bind that holds thick white in place, run them through his mane and marvel upon the crafted beauty of his bloodline. Crafted; to perform this certain task. The sixth eye lended to them as the proverbial flame was to man so long ago — there are many versions of this story.

Or do they still delude themselves that the secret, the gift they hold was a blessing rather than a curse? No, not him; Kenjaku deducts, from the way thin brows furrow with that unspoken desire to be free; he has seen the light. He has felt the weight placed upon his shoulders. He knows that he was made to protect them -- but he knows not from whom. From what.

In the alluring peace of this tranquil morning, a crime is commited in a font of white pure as snow. Satoru Gojo's thoughts are stolen simply with a breath that falls tenderly over plush pink. A tender bristle of Kenjaku's fingerpads counts the honored one's ribs —reminding him, that in spite of the legacies they carry, they are still grafted to this mundanity. They exploit the sultry tenderness that had made a home in this man's throat; easy to invoke when his voicebox was already so thickly coated with unspoken yearning. Each word placed between them; another tap of the pawn on the proverbial shoji board. Like a wolf's maw watering over the lamb, he hovers — and they both know this is a willing slaughter. For one wishes to take; the other, to be taken.

Yet, Satoru Gojo no longer fits within that little pond of fish where the immature hearthrobs of a first love would once sway his tail to keep swimming. He has grown; into a killer whale that haunts the waters. Would it be any salve to the grief over his lost humanity, if he was gifted a seal to chase? A seal that leads his tail to ripple, to flap, until the water no longer flows in one direction — a chaos-maker, world-breaker that sees the boy and the God in tandem and with a finger to the chin points the seer's gaze to a certain direction ?

Careful now ; the Buddha eye warns them. There are six of us and one of you. And yet I know you all by name; the onmyoji's silence answers.

Ah, thick lashes flutter, realizing the hollowness that has taken over their own expression. They must have gotten lost in the nuances of his ceruleans. The tone grows somber. Nature holds its breath to watch them conspiring on the futon and the snow begins to settle. The hand that was seized remains folded in his grip; dark hair slip from the curvature of broad shoulders and dangle like silken tendrils over the heave of a fluttering chest. Bolder still, the intruder

❝ You say that -- but there is a name on your lips, already. Perhaps I should remind you — ❞ That insurmountable distance between him and the man who used to live in this mind is closed within a blink. He bestows upon the chosen one the aftertaste of bitter coffee & tobacco, caramel notes that fade into musk. It's a momentary connection, enough for neutrons to snap, for the spice to set his captive's nerves alight. And like a spider sampling his prey, he licks his own lips with a hum and mulls over what slice of heaven he just tasted. He reaches out, combs silver away from that last sealed eye that can pierce through the veil of reality itself — open, the gleam in his gaze calls. He kisses him again.

❝ And what if I told you now that we have made the flame tremble with our union before — in another lifetime ? ❞

[shentheauthor]

I cannot resist, but headcanons on the Harbingers' types? Like what they would like in a S/O? 🤭

Crabsolutely, friend

Gender neutral s/o, no content warnings

Pierro:

Someone calm

Preferably smart too

Like someone he can play chess with

And just drink tea quietly with

This man needs some peace in his life lmao

Please braid his hair, he is touch starved and needs affection, but he’s old and he can’t say it out loud

Capitano:

Someone who can protect themself

He will def protect you, but when he isn’t there, he wants to know you’ll be safe

Also, he would love a sparring partner as well as a romantic one

If you can keep up with him, color him impressed

I also feel like he isn’t much of a talker, so if you’re cool with just hanging out in silence, he will be drawn to you

Dottore:

A test subject /j

It would actually probably start out that way 😭😭

If you can hold an intelligent conversation and keep him amused, tho, he will stop trying to experiment on you

He will explode with joy if you ask him about his work

And if you listen and remember what he says? Whipped

Basically a good listener and someone who doesn’t mind his psychopathic tendencies lmao

Hell if you’re a bit of a murderous gremlin yourself, he’ll be even more into you

Bc then you can do horrible fucked up experiments ✨together✨

Columbina:

Someone cute who can sing duets with her

She wouldn’t mind whether you’re loud or quiet

She can put up with both

She isn’t super picky about partners, but a good singing voice is a green flag for her

She’d already be intrigued if you aren’t afraid of her, but if you don’t underestimate her either, you’ve definitely got an interested columbina on your hands

Arlecchino:

Probably someone interested in her work

She has high standards tho

Good listener, can cook, willing to adjust your schedule for her, good with kids, but also willing to harshly punish subordinates, etc

She wants someone like her

But maybe a bit nicer lmao

Pulcinella:

Like Pierro, he prefers quiet people

Someone willing to help him deal with stress without adding onto that stress

Also he wants someone good with kids

He will bring his partner with him to visit family and friends, so a social person is better

Just someone he can be quietly domestic and soft with

Gilf moment Fr

Scaramouche

I’m never gonna stop including him and Signora

Anyway tho, he wants someone quiet, but he will actually be somewhat pleasantly surprised if you talk back to him

You’d have to be careful, but he will like you if you can keep up with his rudeness and clap back without fear

Bonus points if you’re strong. He doesn’t want to “coddle” his partner, so he wants someone who can take care of themself

He would also want someone who can read him well. Understanding his moods is a must.

It’s hard to get him to open up, but he would really want someone willing to love him completely without leaving him

Abandonment issues go brrr

Sandrone:

A puppet

Like literally

But if she had to choose a partner who is a normal human, she would want someone who doesn’t care if she’s possessive

She is kind of a yandere, so if you’re into that, she is into you

Bonus points if you’re willing to cook for her

She forgets to eat a lot, and someone who takes care of her would be appreciated

Also, if you’re interested in her work

The way to an autistic’s heart is through the special interest /srs

Signora:

Someone who will love her unconditionally

Someone who doesn’t treat her like a monster

Someone who isn’t afraid of her

She would also love someone strong and smart

Preferably witty too

Like if she can have a healthy banter with you

Her type is Rostam, but if you aren’t Rostam, that’s ok

A strong and protective partner is perfect for her

She can take care of herself just fine, but the feeling of being cared about is unmatched

I miss her so much raaaahhhh

Pantalone:

He would want someone who lets him spoil them

Genuinely

He will lavish you with gifts if you will let him

ALSO, intelligence is a must

He doesn’t have patience for dull conversation

If finances bore you, he actually doesn’t mind

He knows everyone is different

As long as you don’t steal from him, he won’t care

Someone who cares enough to help him de-stress after work is a green flag

He would also love it if you can cook or sew, and is actually open to learning your hobbies if they interest him

Please play board games with him, he’d be so happy

Also he wants a good listener who will hear him ramble without complaining

Tartaglia:

Do you like kids?

Are you open to learning to cook?

Can you spar with him and provide a challenge?

If the answer to all of these questions is “yes,” congrats, you are exactly his type

He doesn’t care much about looks, he really just wants someone who’s fun and loves his family

Extroverts are perfect for him

He would prefer a partner who’s okay with drinking, bc Snezhnaya go brrr (literally)

But if you aren’t comfortable with that, that’s okay

Definitely the most fun to be with if you’re outgoing, so he would want you to be adventurous too

He would also like talkative people, bc then he can listen to you ramble <3

Rule #1 tho: don’t be afraid of him. Treat him like a person, not a weapon

He doesn’t mind being a weapon, but if his partner is soft with him and doesn’t demand anything, that is ideal

I love him sm

I love doing these lmao. It’s kinda cringe, but it’s self indulgent and I like exploring their characters like this

I’m probably gonna create an ask blog specifically for this sometime soon

[crguang]

https://www.tumblr.com/crguang/762293557282373632/bc-i-quit-right-after-getting-her-lmao-i-think?source=share

Funny thing is, I DIDN'T EVEN GET KAZUHA LMAO. He dodged me yet again and left me with a fucking Qiqi this past week. That's why I didn't mention him cause his rerun literally just ended, and I only came back because his banner rerun was going on 😭

Tbf I want so many characters (including, like, Furina) but I felt that would be too greedy of me + I might just end up quitting again tbh. Xianyun more like a GILF than a MILF atp too LMAO. I think I heard rumors about Ping being playable too? Anyways, I finally get it, I too, want a skip button. I'm still on the last part of the Sumeru AQ...ugh Genshin got me in such a FOMO state I need to let go

we just might have the same account because i didnt get him on his last rerun either and i logged in a few times just for him😭😭 the things about genshin is that you need a lot of characters now, especially for endgame content like imaginarium theather is impossible to do without 16 charas all built to at least 70… it’s kinda deranged because who has a charlotte or sayu built. be serious. its part of the reason i stopped playing, ppl said “wish for the characters you like” then i realized after years i only had 10 five stars so… im surprised you didnt finish sumeru tho???😭 i thought you were at least in fontaine, still in sumeru is WILD

ping being playable has been rumoured for like over a year now, no idea if they’ll pull through with it because i kinda dont see why she would be

xianyun is a MILF she got daughters and no grandchildren… otherwise if you wanna be technical shes a great-great-great x 7 great-grandma i’d like to fuck

[saccharinemeat]

D , K , L , S , T , W , Z . good monin .... looks at you respectfully kissin ... hi ..... hello . hey

Answerin' this so latey but still! myah myah

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Depends on fandom,but from iii, clover/nickel and candle/silver spoon. which i know you do like but i just cant help but be annoyed by em sometimes. particularly the latter cuz yknow. f/o.

non object and unrelated to shared fandoms, definitely Jonmartin. I know they're canon i know wah wah the dinghy I DONT FUCKING CARE. martin is a little bitch to Jon during the eyepocalypse and idk. idk he gets on my nerves. JonMichael forever actually. (And i like martin with peter lukas. toxic gilf win.)

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Depends on the fandom, object wise i wanna say Balloon (especially in iii), and while i also love Flowers arc i feel she got a bit watered down at the end of bfb. Quite curious to know where Robot Flower's is going though. Non object fandom, I wanna say Riko from made in abyss has some amazing development,and in general the arc around Vueroeruko and Irumyuu was fucking insane. Sobbing immediately and violently.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.

Ugh. Candle is not a bitch and im mostly just uncomfortable with how close she is with silver and her chill attitude is Annoying to a certain degree. Cabby is Fine in the very late episodes and her friendship with yinyang is Nice. Non object related, uhh. uhhhh. idk i dont have any MAJOR hatred i think. or if i do it's so bad i Deleted them from my brain lmao.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon

Oh there's so many, I'll try to stay away from my super edgy ones You Know,but let's see. object specific, here's a handful,will just do objects here cuz easier:

test tube is a coffee nerd. She loves all the borderline sciencey work to pull a single shot of espresso. and she WILL get annoying about it if not stopped

Baseball and Cheesy both have braces

Knife is a big fan of kawaii shit and loves the color pink. After the dora incident he's less shy about having one or two little keychains or plushies.

Tree likes to smoke and is in his late 30s. I will Not elaborate,i just know I'm Correct.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

some headcanons ill die defending are mostly darker ones,honestly. but i guess heres some misc. ones from multiple fandoms

- Julian (The Arcana) has BPD and i will never back off from that

- Kenny (south park) sometimes is cis and sometimes isn't,depending how his body regenerated after the latest death

- Yin and Yang (inanimate insanity) have an extremely codependent fucked up relationship

- Rick (Rick & Morty) is bilingual and can speak spanish perfectly. Yes i know this is basically canon but goddamn if the show NEVER brings it up. Im salty about this.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Any fucking barista/florist/whatever the fuck AU. you people are boring,jesus. And poorly done Enemies to Lovers (ENEMIES ARE EQUALS) or Bully/Victim ships portrayed as good (toxic dynamics can stay tho)

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

Bro I'm tired,, but i wanna talk about fandom in general and how fucking annoying it is that people are always going for wholesome and pure and fluffy and like. yes that's fine and all but i miss when fandom was owned by the freaks. I feel like even the concept of fandom has gone far FAR too mainstream and it's annoying as all hell. It's difficult to not want to just live in a little corner. Also people treat writers and artists like fucking. content machines and it sucks so much. people used to establish friendships over this but now even requests are BARELY polite. Bleh. Also bring the kinkmeme livejournals back

[saviourkingslut]

10 27 37 for fe asks!!

ok first of all sorry for answering this ask 30000 years late but question 37 threw me for a loop a bit and i wanted to give you a proper answer so here we go lmao

10. A character you find underrated?

i mean ig ive said it before but rodrigue and also hanneman, tho for different reasons. i think that rodrigue gets vilified by a large part of the fandom bc of things felix says abt him as a traumatised and emotionally stunted teenager that aren't actually true - but people tend to take him at his word and so rodrigue gets cast as the classic bad fire emblem dad when he's actually one of the more supportive and involved fathers on the entire 3h cast.

hanneman's an old guy to the point that he's more gilf than dilf and also a total side character which by default makes him uninteresting to most people in fandom, plus he's kind of shit as a unit gameplay wise. however 1) i think he's hot 2) he has some very interesting supports where he gets to be a caring and dependable mentor or father figure (marianne) but that still allow him his own character growth and to look at things from new perspectives despite his age and experience (like his chain w/ lysithia).

27. Any fanfics/fan content you'd recommend? (You can plug your own stuff it's fine)

oohhh i am completely obsessed with The Lion and the Bear by notallbees. it's a dimivain fic in which sylvain, felix and ingrid all grew up with lambert, though lambert still died and they protect dimitri now. this is from the summary:

Sylvain ran his gaze over Dimitri and laughed under his breath. "You've grown again."

"Not on purpose," Dimitri said, and smiled when his words made Sylvain laugh. "I am so glad you've come. How was your journey? Will you be staying long?"

Sylvain grinned, holding up his hands in surrender. "One question at a time, lad," he said, then paused and glanced around them. "Forgive my manners," he said, taking a step back so that he could offer Dimitri a subtle bow, inclining his head and shoulders. "Your Royal Highness."

WEAK for the 'lad' dynamic. anyway most of the story takes place at gautier, where dimitri goes with sylvain alone to be with his favourite person in the world celebrate his birthday. i am crying shaking sobbing every time i read this fic (and i re-read it a lot). the chemistry and comradery and tenderness between sylvain and dimitri is so beautiful, i just can't get over it. the way their relationship grows and the writing itself, it's just gorgeous. full disclosure: dimitri is 16 in this fic whereas sylvain is probably in his late 30s or early 40s, and a lot of their relationship is centred around an 'older mentor/younger protégé' dynamic that might make people uncomfortable. im absolutely enchanted with it every time i read it, however, and though i am an age gap and mentor/protégé relationship enjoyer, i don't usually go in for the underage stuff, so maybe? give it a try?

other than that i also really enjoyed Survivor's Burden by lalabelle, a dimiclaude fic that takes place right after gronder. i'll put the summary here:

Claude had plans. Plans to turn the tides, to end this horrific war of attrition that has been going on for far too long. To convince the Faerghus army to work together, to combine their efforts to take down the Adrestian army and end this senseless war once and for all. Then he sees Dimitri.

He’s a monster, a mess, and a beast of a man. He’s violent and unpredictable and indiscriminate in his slaughter, working through the field like a man possessed, the strength of the crest of Blaiddyd coursing through his veins. They never stood a chance.

this is a fic in which dimitri is very much 'feral', for lack of a better word, so if that's not your cup of tea i'd advise against it, but it isn't used to generate smut or anything. rather, claude decides to save dimitri and take him off of the battlefield and into the forest after which they have to flee into the forests, and then he has to try and keep the both of them alive. for most of the fic dimitri is in a very dark and deep place mentally, which means that he is somewhat primal in his interactions, but what i love about this fic is that despite being terrified and broken his protective and caring personality still shines through, trying to help claude out there in the wilderness. and in return claude tries his hardest to take care of dimitri, who ofc is pretty severly wounded after gronder. besides their characterisations it's again the slow development of their relationship that really makes me appreciate this fic so much, it feels very natural.

37. What's a weird theory or headcanon you have?

i really like fleshing out worldbuilding for adrestia, faerghus and leicester, especially with the help of historical nations and cultures. i like to think of leicester as a fusion between the italian city states in the late middle ages and the dutch republic. in my mind, their cities are a lot like venice or other northern italian cities such as firenze and siena. i envision the alliance as a country that is very centred on trade, and not just within fódlan - much like the italian city states and the dutch republic, which got their riches through trade! also it's canon that it's an alliance between different territories that don't always get along, which is textbook dutch republic. and the dutch republic had a very strong fleet for a while, which is also something that i imagine leicester to have.

faerghus is largely russian in my mind, because it's such a cold and harsh place to live - ive read 'russia and the russians' by geoffrey hoskings, and a lot of stuff about medieval russia can be copy-pasted right onto faerghus for how well it fits in-universe. like, russia might be huge, but it's cold and a lot of its land is actually kind of shit, agriculturally speaking, and obviously this has implications for the way people can live their lives! i always think of faerghans as especially hardened people, from peasants to knights, simply because of that background. these environmental circumstances also mean that faerghus does not have much to trade with, but is fódlan's main provider of wood and furs, much like scandinavia in the 1500s-1600s. in military (and feudal) terms i prefer to look to medieval and early modern france, however. i don't think faerghus would have a strong navy, because their only access to sea is to the north, but with their martial culture and focus on knights they would have a very strong standing army. i actually have a lot of thoughts on feudalism in fódlan as well but i won't get into that rn bc this post is already getting super long lmao

adrestia is not just an empire, but actively imperialistic, and so for me it is a mixture between nineteenth century great britain and nineteenth and twentieth century germany/prussia (which, come on guys, there's eagles on the adrestian flag too). there is something haughty about the way they view their culture and how the other two countries in fódlan are regarded that i feel fits very well with british attitudes towards, well, everything, in the 1800s. i also have some associations with ancient rome, partly because of the imperialism and the arrogance and partly because there's a bunch of neoclassical architecture on empire combat maps (still losing it at the amfitheatre tho). i think they'd both want to have a great army and a great navy, though their ships would not be as well-built as the leicester ones. they'd be big on trade overseas but since they have all the grain they need, it is more for luxury items than foodstuffs. i also think that part of their army would be drafted or made up of mercenaries (a very common historical practice!) to amass numbers, whereas faerghus' army is smaller (i think there's a significant difference in population numbers between faerghus and the other two countries) but qualitatively much better because of their martial culture.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[sloppyplanetary]

rickorty review s3e1

the finales and premiers in this damn show are always so good

here we go one of my favorite fuckn episodes

"he bails on us, he doesnt care, no ones special to him not even himself" morty sounds so defeated. delicious angst

"how is this fair our laywers a morty" lmao i love that line. he sounds like rick there

council!rick: "we keep him around because hes fun, look at him go" that's cute. what the fuck is a pog collection

morty: "i dont renounce rick and i never have. all ya know is that ya know nothing and he knows everything" unhealthy relationship angst go brrr

"IF YA THINK MY RICKS DEAD HES ALIVE AND IF YA THINK YR SAFE HES COMMING FOR YA!!" one of my favorite fucking lines in this show. tell them morty, go off

when rick smiles and cocks his gun, gilf

"yr a rouge rick, irrational, passionate" mhmm he sure is

morty shot rick, WHOS STUPID NOW, BITCH? writing a meta on this specifically later tonight

for a flash, morty totally thought rick came back from the dead

end of episode rant, manhandling morty, "ohhh fuck..." morty says and falls backwards. grabbing him by his ankle and pulling him back towards him. this whole thing is hot shut the fuck up.

rickorty content rating: 9/10

honorable mentions: rick deflecting and telling morty he only saved him so his mom would accept him but we know he's a fuckn liar, sappy ass old man

[clownsuu]

Clown, in all honesty I followed you for Robbie and Howdy content, but I GOTTA KNOW ABOUT DR STONE FACE

U CONVERT ME INTO A GILF ENJOYER NOW A REFERENCE SHEET IS MANDATORY. (no pressure tho teehee (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡)

LMAOOO IM SHOCKED SO MANY OF YA’LL EVEN LIKE HIM UDGDHDHD an old man goober- a real ol fard smhhh

I currently do not have the energy to make a proper reference but for now heres some old drawings I have that work enough!

Cw poorly drawn gun

That’s mostly it LMAO (last three being mob version) but here’s some important details about him so I guess you can call this a mini master post about him-

-He’s an agender aro/ace (goes by he/they but mostly prefers masculine pronouns-)

-he is Frank’s grandfather(?????????????) (it’s a touchy subject he doesn’t wanna get into it and nor does Frank)

-he doesn’t live in welcome home (he’d be more considered a guest character that would randomly show up in a episode for shids n giggles

-he N E V E R smiles nor takes off his glasses (nobody really knows what he looks like under em)

-he doesn’t know who tf Robbie is (or Dusty)

mob version:

-He works outside of the mob as a lone wolf, but does sell his goods to them

-he is NOT part of the mob (so he’s not missing an eye or anything)

-he cares more about frank in this version than the normal one (shocking- but barely noticeable)

-hates Mob Rob with a burning passion (never met Dusty)

[sloppyplanetary]

rickorty review s2e7

mortys little "right rick?" searching for praise

mortys smug smile when ricks going off on summer for her idea. pointing out that he seems against rick becoming a teen for some reason. afraid yr old man will get even hotter somehow?

ricks waiting right outside of mortys locker like some teen romcom

pointing out mortys suddenly very happy with the fact Rick's a teenager

he attend mortys class with him instead of summer

mortys happy bc ricks happy, sappy ass soulmates

rick: "make me🤬👉👈" morty: "I'm gonna kick yr ass!!" tiny!rick is a brat

when morty pins him down i bet both rick and morty had wet dreams of that

when ricks chopping up his clones (gilf moment) summers like PANTS GET FUCKING DRESSED but mortys not even commenting on rick being naked lmaoo

"ive been inside a kid all day and i can feel my bones scraping against each other" is there no other way ya could have worded that?

rickorty content rating: 7/10

there needs to be more rickorty fics featuring tiny rick. also his songs are fuckn bops

honorable mentions: "why doesn't anyone really like me" maybe because yr an asshole lmao. morty likes ya tho, despite everything