#Gift-giving

[liketwoswansinbalance]

A Gift-Giving Guide* by the Twins

*Don’t take this too seriously.

Warning: implied trauma incoming.

⸻

Rhian: Even if the person you’re buying a gift for isn’t important to you, you still must put in the effort to make a Good impression. Thus, if you can’t find anything your recipient would truly enjoy, just find a suitable substitute. Something, anything really, non-specific that no one will contest with will do. In addition, the gift must be of an acceptable quality, and as long as you invest in the gift’s presentation, you will probably not fail. Remember: as a giver, you’re more likely to be judged or faulted for an oversight sooner rather than later, so you must wrap the gift impeccably, with embossed paper and matching ribbons. Your best-laid plans will be the holiday equivalent of “dress to impress.” You’ll be less vulnerable to critique that way. And no one, absolutely no one, will shame you or claim you haven’t tried and given your all!

⸻

Rafal: What matters most about a gift are its contents and what such contents mean. No one will care what empty shells of wrapping paper look like, if they don’t like the contents. So, it’s best to choose a gift your recipient wants so desperately that they won’t be able to refuse it. Prepare for an influx of emotion from your recipient if they’re that type. And, it’s all the better if you went to great lengths to acquire the gift for them, and make that known, implicitly, so they don’t catch onto your power play. If you took every expense, you’ll deserve their recognition and henceforth, should subtly remind them, after the season’s over, of what their lives would be without your gift, of exactly how deprived they would feel if they didn’t have it. Then, they’ll subconsciously feel indebted to you and won’t ever leave you, for they’ll be too occupied by gratitude and guilt to consider other, worthless options or stupid exchanges, especially when they’ve already received something substantive of the objective, best quality because you know what’s best for them. Oh, and never give them the receipt. They can’t change their mind if it’s too late and they’ve already committed to something that cannot be replaced.

[patchwork-crow-writes]

49 - The Greatest Present

The holidays are here at last! A time to spend with family and friends, eating too much food and having fun with your new toys.

And yet... instead... here you are.

Appearing to me like an angel from above, a gift clutched tightly in your shivering hands. There's fresh snow on your hair, because you're too stubborn to wear a hat. It's bracingly cold upon my fingers as I brush it away, leaving glistening trails of cyan satin in its wake.

It's a beautiful gold locket you hand to me, and inside is a picture of your family from when you were young. Mom, dad, and brother too... they all look so happy there. And there I am, I realise, just peeking out from beneath your hair.

You help me put it on, fingers delicate as a cool breeze upon my neck. The metal rests gently against my heart, a cherished memory from a different time. I see you smile - such a rare treasure! - and something clicks. All at once I know - this is how it is supposed to be.

Your red eyes shine like warning lights as I approach. Our noses graze each other, as weightless as a snowflake... you do not back away. Vapour trails mingle between our open mouths, fingers meandering through each other's hair. Lips so hot, spiced like mulled wine, drinking in your kisses, a relentless blizzard that leaves me breathless. Hearts and bodies pulled together, as if magnetised.

Never did I dare to dream that you would choose this... choose me. At last, I am back where I've always belonged... your presence here is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.

_______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 49

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[jellybracelet]

*This includes, but is not limited to: - Wishing gift-giving was expected only for non-frequent special occasions, such as wedding gifts, baby shower gifts, etc., and we abolished the practice of giving gifts for holidays and birthdays. - Wishing people were only expected to give gifts to children and not to adults.

[mathsbian]

Are you buying gifts for a disabled friend? Not sure what might be a good gift? Here’s some thoughts to help you figure it out:

Do they have an income/are they financially stable? If not, ask them if there is a purchase they have been putting off due to expense, and would make their life easier to have. I asked my mom for an electric razor and a water flosser for Christmas a few years ago because I struggle to keep up with shaving my legs (something I need to do for sensory reasons) and with the motivation to floss. Both of these items made my personal hygiene routines much easier to do so I could do them more often. My partner’s mother bought us a robot vacuum at a big discount on Black Friday that same year, and it’s made keeping the house clean a lot easier for me. This would also be a good way to find out about any assistive devices they’re interested in getting, but worried about wasting their money on it if it turns out not as useful as they thought!

Are they able to cook or do they have a reliable way to get food (either a meal delivery service or living with someone who cooks for them)? If not, consider gift cards for restaurants and fast food places, or gift cards for food delivery services. I rely on my partner for meals, but they also have chronic pain (they just aren’t as bad off as I am currently and are still able to work and do a lot compared to me) and sometimes they don’t have the energy to cook either. On those days, it’s really convenient to have some funds for food so we can go to a drive-thru or order a pizza or Chinese take-out or something. But with how tight our finances are, sometimes we can’t afford to do that and my partner had to figure out something else to do for dinner (it usually ends up being cereal on those nights). My parents also sometimes give me gift cards to restaurants I would otherwise not be able to afford to eat at, allowing me to treat myself and my partner to nice meal around my birthday or their birthday or the holidays that my partner doesn’t have to cook.

As an alternative to giving gift cards for food, you can also give meals you’ve made that they can reheat, as long as you check about any dietary concerns before making them a dish.

Are they able to do housework? If not, offer to come help them get their house clean, or offer to pay for a one-time cleaning service to stop by. Especially if they’ve been struggling to get their house clean for a while, they might feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs done. A helping hand or a service coming in and cleaning up the whole house on their behalf could be a huge help, both for their physical health and peace of mind.

Are they able to drive themself to places they need to go? If not, offer to be a ride to their next doctor’s appointment, or give them a gift card for a rideshare service like Uber or Lyft. Especially in the US, where public transit is a nightmare.

And back to their financial situation: when was the last time they bought themselves something fun? I can’t justify spending money on new games or new books or anything like that. My budget is way too tight. So it’s always nice when someone gets me a Steam giftcard or buys me a game or book or something that I’ve been wanting and just. Could not justify buying no matter how inexpensive it was. For example, I can’t play games at my computer very often anymore. I can’t sit at a desk that long. I originally bought Stardew Valley on Steam back when I had a laptop and could play it while laying in bed or chilling on the couch. But I don’t have a laptop anymore and when I have the ability to sit at my desk I’m usually wanting to play something a bit more intensive than Stardew Valley. Ever since it was released on the Switch I’ve been wanting it for my Switch. It was only $15 but I just could not justify spending that when I’m always needing money for food or groceries or bills. My roommate bought it for me as an early birthday gift back in January, so now I can play Stardew Valley wherever I want again. I’m not going to be stuck with shitty phone games anymore. It was so nice of him to do!

Other ideas:

If they don’t have much of a support system, and you’re close with them, ask if they need support self-advocating with any of their doctors and offer to attend their next appointment with them. Don’t be offended if they turn you down, obviously doctor’s appointments are stressful and can be invasive and they might not want you aware of all the various issues they’re dealing with medically. But they might really appreciate someone going with them and backing them up if they’re struggling to get their doctor(s) to listen to them.

If they spend a lot of time at home alone, offer to set up a regular visit time! It doesn’t have to be every week or anything that’s too often for you to handle, but any amount of time spent with friends is much better than spending that time feeling lonely some more. In this case, try to also make an effort to include them in plans with other friends. Even if they end up not being able to leave the house that day, it’s nice to feel like your friends want to spend time with you and miss you when you’re gone.

Ask if they need assistance applying for aid of any kind. The SSDI application takes a lot of effort to complete, and if they struggle to concentrate or have hand pain it can be a real challenge getting all of the forms filled out. Maybe they need help finding a lawyer to represent them while they apply. Maybe they need help setting up an ABLE account or getting on Food Stamps or Medicare/Medicaid. Again, they might refuse the offer as a lot of this information can be very private, but I know I definitely appreciate any help my partner can offer in getting these more tedious steps of the process done, thanks to my intense brain fog.

If anyone else has other thoughts about ways to figure out good gifts for disabled friends, feel free to add them!

(This was based on my own experience as a disabled person, who greatly enjoys giving the most perfect gifts to other people. I know love languages are an over-simplified way of looking at personal needs satisfaction, but gifts is genuinely, by far, my biggest love language.)

[carolinamonciondesign]

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[unabashedlyfuriousenthusiast]

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[untypicable]

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[solrazo]

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[twilight-resonance]

Trickle

Holy gods, I feel awful right now. Migriane - low-grade, thankfully - for the fifth day straight, which is mostly annoying but not too bad; but I'm hungry, and cold-from-the-inside in a sick way, and just kind of feel... a general malaise. A bit like being sick, but I don't think I'm sick. The smoking gun is that I went to go curl up in the laundry room earlier, with the washer and dryer running. I almost never do that unless I'm feeling truly terrible. What a strange thing.

Maybe I ate something bad? A clementine that had gone slightly off, or a weird vegetable from dinner last night? That's the closest to what it feels like... but I'm not convinced. Maybe it's just one of those days.

Anyway, I'm here to complain about it mostly. As well as to write more, for the sake of writing more. With the hopes of greasing the gears for other writing and other journaling and other work. I should also do one of those journaling-prompt posts; maybe after this.

Quite-some going on the last few weeks. My SIL/BIL/nice (Hearthsnail's sister) were out for Thanksgiving, and that was nice. Went to a discovery museum for the niece - we'll have to go to more if they come out again, turns out there's a lot in the area; and we went tidepooling one day, and mostly hung out. Learned some things about my own energy pacing that week, both as traits that have popped up before but not been solved in the same way. One is pacing energy with my niece - who is four, and still a big sink for attention as all kids that age are. I'm great with kids; and I'm great the first day or two; but I think I over-invest the energy and attention, and burn myself out pretty hard for later in the week. So in the future, I should take some designated time for myself/not entertaining the toddler early/daily so that I can give her more of what she needs sustained over time.

The second is that, apparently, I need time to focus in order to function. It doesn't have to be about anything - it could be work, it could be play, it could just be spacing out; it could be with people or alone; but having a couple hours of just focused time is apparently important to my ability to regulate myself emotionally and mentally. Discovered because the style of hanging out they have is very much not compatible with that. So, as before, taking some focused time for myself every couple of days next time. And also in general. It's not limited to them, it happens on breaks with Hearthsnail and other times too. Just something good to know in general.

Would be good things to note to my therapist, but she is in the ICU. Went for last appointment and she never showed, and got a message from her family not long after. I dunno. It's one of those things that... you know, things can happen to anyone? It's a good reminder of that. I'm fine in terms of my own stability in the interim, I hope most of her clients are in the same place, and I hope she's fine... But it's just. One of those things that happens out of the blue. Also a good reminder that we don't pick when these things happen, they happen when they will. I used to be better about remembering; I've become too comfortable with the ebb and flow of everyday life, I think. In a good way - in a stable way - but I wished I remembered more.

Had a friend over the other day; they introduced us to Dutch Blitz, and I'm so sold. We ordered a copy the same night. It's a simple game, but a good one. Also played Clank Legacy - continued a game we've been playing, that we picked up from an ex-friend group of that friend's. Legacy games are so much fun - the closest I get to playing an RPG, anymore - and, were I to dissect one, probably good professional development too. Given what I do. Given that I have to make up my own training and growth and somesuch things.

Had other obligations later that night - helping a new group of players make characters for D&D. Starting a new game for a group of friends; one wanted to add a new player, but we were already full up, so I suggested starting a new one; and she invited more friends. They were going to do their own character-making session to make it easier on me, but I wanted to be involved to help with some of the world-specific stuff... and it was probably good, at it turned out, that I was there anyway for rules help as well. I was a little uncertain about the whole thing - suppose I still am - for dumb reasons, but I think it'll be okay. Will be interesting hanging out with a bunch of queer folk that are, like, my own age? Rather than high school and college-aged folks? I love them dearly but it's nice hanging out with people a little further along in life, too, and not something I get as often.

Our usual D&D group has a session coming up soon; also doing holiday gift exchange things. Need to pick something out for that. I did a short book last year; don't want to do something directly gaming-related, but something relevant to anyone. Pretty teacups, or something that splits both functional and decorative, feels like the right thing. We'll see. Also need to pick out gifts for my family - which, I'd like to get them nice things this year since we're not coming out and it's a rough year financially - and for Hearthsnail. Others here and there too, but those are the big ones. I like coming up with gift ideas - it's a fun puzzle around what they'll like, what they won't think of themselves, what I know and don't know about the tools they need for their hobbies, etc - but it does take a time and a focus that has escaped me the last week with the migraine. And time is burning low.

Holy fuck, I still feel cold and awful. Took some excedrine a bit ago, hoping that helps; may not have had enough time to kick in yet, might be kicking in right now, hard to tell. One of those shivers just passed over me - again, the sort of sick fevery ones that well up from inside - and, eef. Been doing the work I can the last few days: emails and invoices yesterday, brainstorming for charts I need to make all throughout this week, slack management and character approvals today - but it's not nearly as much as I need or would like or it ought, again given the migraine situation. But we do what we can. I'm doing all right, I think, considering.

This is working, by the way, because it's so loose and rambly and stream-of-consciousness. Just sort of a gentle outpouring, flowing whichever way is lowest. Helping to keep the rest of my focus intact, I think, at least in some ways. And again, leaving space for other more intensive writings later.

Also need to figure out what to bring to snack this week. I know next week - it'll be brownies - but this week is escaping me more than usual. To do with all the stress people seem to be feeling around it, I think. Hearthsnail's co-workers, rather - they do a snack every Friday, but it's been a bit fraught this year for reasons as-of-yet undiscovered. But it will be nice to go spend time with them, and to make snacks. If I can figure out what.

Going to drop this and do a journaling prompt post, I think. Starting to flounder.

[psychologistmimi]

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[anyknotrants]

Tim: hey Dick, which do you thing Kon would like more?

Tim: *holds up 2 pairs of earrings, one sapphire, on diamond*

Dick: I don't know probaby, the sapphire

Tim: *nods and puts the diamond away*

Dick: what's the special occasion, anyway?

Tim: hm?

Dick: why are you buying Kon the earrings, is it your anniversary or something?

Tim: oh no, I just like buying stuff for him

Dick: *starts laughing*

Tim: what?

Dick: oh god, you're his sugar daddy!

Tim, blushing: I'm not- you buy expensive shit for Wally all the time! You're his sugar daddy!

Dick: I prefer the term; 'rich boyfriend',

Tim: ...

Tim and Dick: *turns to look at Jason*

Jason, checking out arrow-shaped ruby necklace: *looks up*

Jason: ... I plead the fifth

[sohaibsmart]

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[carolinamonciondesign]

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[unabashedlyfuriousenthusiast]

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[gemdesignsus]

It's #Christmas in July at GEM Designs, LLC. Get a headstart on #handmade #hangtags and #jewelry Use Code: July

[blahlahblash]

they're a litol shy..........