#Get adventure plotted idiot

[crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf]

Disgrace Chapter 2 : Crosshair x F!OC

Summary:

The transport to Ga'hah is boring, boring, boring, and though Tah'nyem makes to amuse herself with the bristly clone commander she may have bit off more than she can chew, not that she's one to admit it. She attempts to maintain focus and composure while waiting on progress into her own investigations which may reveal more than she's ready to learn. Every one seems to have let down their guard, but not everyone on the ship may be a friend.

Chapter Specific Warnings: Sexual Frustration, Mild Nudity, Explosions, (minor/ side) Death, Protective Crosshair (Professional), Touching, Angst, Defensive Crosshair.

Word Count: 6k+

Dynamic: Princess x Guard, Speed running Co-dependancy, A Mangy Cat and his Aggressive little Chihuahua.

<-Previous Chapter - Read On Ao3 - Next Chapter >

Music Inspo- The Big Empty - Stone Temple Pilots

Listen on Spotify - Listen on Youtube

Chapter 2

The Big Empty

   There was a joyful buzz to the jokes and idle chatter swirling through the galley. It was just after dinner on the fourth day of our journey and I think being past the halfway point had everyone in good spirits.

The air smelled of caf and I breathed deeply from my own cup nestled in my hands, warming them in the constant chill of the military ship. 

We had dropped from hyperspace and just finished refueling at an Imperial space station. Now we proceed to the edge of the system where we’ll make the final jump to Ga’haiian space.  

I took a sip, and winced. It was still awful, but after that first headache I was willing to get used to the burnt tasting swill provided to the troopers. The Lieutenant’s hospitality seemed to have dried up after that first night. 

It had been an uneventful trip and the soldiers around me were restless and giddy at the thought of wrapping this up quickly. 

“You know, the two of you are gonna have to Kriff or knock it off,”

Well… almost uneventful. 

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” 

I took another sip of my caf and continued making hard eye contact with the Commander across the room at his usual spot by the dispenser. 

We had been like this for at least twenty minutes. The staring contest was a matter of pride at this point. 

“C’mon, give him a break, Seriously, he's been hoggin’ the barrack fresher the past few nights,”

The clone beside me chuckled. The second day I was here he told me to call him “Halo” and refused to elaborate. 

“He knows where to find me,”

I spoke clearly, pronouncing the words so there was no mistake in reading my lips. 

Crosshair took a big swig from his cup but still didn't look away. 

Your move. 

“The Sociopaths deserve each other,” 

I almost turned to spot whoever muttered but needn’t have bothered reacting. 

A blaster went off, singeing the floor near the offender's boot and he jumped from his stool. 

“KARKen!- You know, shyte like that doesn't help your case!”

Crosshair holstered the sidearm. He never looked away and I felt my thighs squeeze together in a sudden ache. 

Okay. You win this round… again. 

I had been losing ground over the past few days. Even with him managing to stay clear of me somehow on the small ship. When our paths crossed I was usually the one coming away breathless. 

The frustration of losing control of the dynamic was fueling a perverse feeling of loathing that could only be cured by riding that smug face of his.

My mind drifted to yesterday and our little incident. 

I had been sitting on my bunk, torso exposed as I prepared the ceremonial ink to reapply the lines that adorn my arms. 

The ink was finished heating and I picked it up from the plate. 

Carefully, I angled the ink stick to drip onto my shoulder, hissing at the familiar bite of the heat as it made contact.

The first bead carved a channel as I carefully guided it down the length of my arm to the tip of my middle finger where it dripped off onto the cloth I had laid out for the purpose. 

More drops now and  they followed the trail already blazed, thickening the line and hue into a deep black. The ink pooled under my fingernail, dying the tip. Perfect.  

I repeated the process on my other arm and finished the adornment with the proper prayers. 

“Ehv’net tohomne ku.”

…

“What does it mean?”

I nearly jumped from my skin, having been so engrossed I missed the tell tale clang of the door. 

That door was supposed to be locked… especially since someone doesn't know how to knock.

I looked over my shoulder at the clone commander framed in the doorway. 

“Let me think a moment…I suppose, indirectly, it would mean something like ‘Lines that feed the heart’,”

He stepped forward and lifted my arm to inspect the dark, even line and my breath caught in my throat.

I wonder if he missed something…

My chest was bare, the smallish curve of my breasts exposed. He hasn't seemed to notice, busy inspecting the line work. 

I made no move to cover myself, but cleared my throat softly…

He turned at the apprehensive tone and froze, eyes making their way down my bare arm to the small, rosey peaks standing stiff in the cold room. His fingers tightened on my wrist.

“You threaten my handiwork…”

He released my arm and I expected him to run off again but I felt his cool, slender fingers go back to tracing the lines of ink starting from my elbow and up. He paused at the shoulder…

My voice came out husky, the trailing fingers leaving raised bumps along my skin. 

"Lines that feed the heart?"

“Something like that…”

“I see… Your dinner is ready.”

He turned on a heel and left the room with a clang. 

…

My eyes refocused and present Crosshair still had me in his sights. 

The corner of his mouth twitched knowing my mind wasn't on our little staring match any more. A final swig of caf and he was gone. Off to do whatever it was he did around here. 

I sat straight and hauty and mad as hell. 

The jig was completely up and the soldiers around me chuckled at the heat blooming around my ears. I had lost whatever hold I might've had on them and I wasn't sure if it was my obvious drooling over their Commander or the fact that I got zapped trying to pry the caf machine apart.

Hard to hold an air of mystique while bawling your eyes out. 

I swirled my caf miserably, still convinced it was engine byproduct. 

Halo noticed my expression and patted my shoulder causing me to sit straighter as he accidentally sent a surge of tingles down my spine into my groin. I suppressed the gasp that wanted to leap from me. 

I need to get out of here. 

I smiled at the men gathered at the table and bowed an excuse darting into the hall amid a chorus of farewells. 

Jogging a few paces as I left the galley, I put some distance between myself and the happy chatter. This brought me past the bridge and I glanced inside. 

Lieutenant Hervos turned and glared at me so I stuck my tongue out at him and moved on. I had given him no reason to make good on his threats, mostly behaving around the crew. 

Mostly…

The bug I planted will run out of memory and loop tonight. I need to get it before that happens, but I have time. I pulled the small data pad from my inner pocket and double checked the timer. 

Plenty of time

Still, I'm glad I gave myself a six hour buffer. 

With nothing to do I continued down the hall to where it looped back to the main room I had entered the ship through. 

Other staff milled about, poking and prodding at lit panels around the room. They were actually busy, unlike the troopers, and I left them continuing through. A flat topped hat looked up and gave me a small wave. I returned the greeting, granting the woman a small smile.

“Kerna, in good spirits?”

“Sure Miss Ra! Almost back on solid ground again,”

The plump girl had expressed a displeasure of spacecraft during a jittery cup of caf that had apparently been her first. She also admitted that she was looking for an early out to her contract for more than a nervousness towards the vastness of space. 

“I didn't sign up to be a conqueror…”

I hadn't asked what her last assignment was but it had apparently been rough. I was starting to see a pattern developing amongst the staff. That might be good for business…

“Sit with me during break again tomorrow, I’d love to chat again before we disembark,”

She nodded and I continued through. There was nowhere to go though, and nothing to do. 

Besides the Commander everything else on the ship was a bit of a bore. So… official. As it was, it felt as if I was simply here and not the subject of the mission. I felt like I was circling a drain. 

Though it could just be how small the damn thing is.

I had once again reached the door of my stateroom. There wasn't even a holodeck onboard. 

Hesitating, I leaned against the wall and weighed my options. 

By Be’llahl, I do NOT want to spend another evening stuck in my room with only my fingers for company. 

Things weren't helped that I've made no progress on figuring out why I'm here to begin with. Besides the bug, there's been no other head way; as anyone who might be in the know developed lock jaw whenever I walked in. 

Antsy from the lack of real purpose I shoved off and headed to the hall's access to the maintenance tunnel and slipped through the suspiciously unlocked door. 

The low hum of the darker hallway closed around me like a comforting blanket. It's funny… how these kinds of places seem to be the same everywhere. 

I smiled at that, thoughts on being a teen and hiding with my best friend to smoke Dahr Root in the crevice beneath the gala hall floor. 

Young and unsupervised…

I looked around at the dark tunnel.

Story of my life.

With no real reason I started forward, planning on pacing around to just kill time before the bridge cleared out.

 Not too far down I tripped over something on the floor and stumbled, catching myself on the wall and turning to look at the sudden obstacle.

It was a boot, attached to a leg as expected and finally my eyes flicked to Crosshair, who blinked, trying to hide that he had been asleep. 

Ah hah…

I had looked for him in the tunnels before but I guess he had kept moving before now. I slid down the wall to sit across from him, our legs beside each other's crisscrossing across the passage. 

“Didn't you just finish a caf?”

He gave up the charade and rubbed his face with a hand, scratching the stubble coming in on his jaw.

“It doesn't help.”

He said it simply, and leaned his head back, closing his eyes and sticking a new toothpick between his lips. 

“Why don't you just go to your bunk? It's not like you guys are working right now.”

He briefly fixed me with a look of annoyance. 

“I don't sleep around the Regs.”

His tone didn't invite further prying and I looked about the hall till the mood shifted back to something more neutral. 

I once again felt that annoying pity for the man, observing the dark circles under his eyes. This would be such a good time to mess with him too…

…

Maybe a little…

I nudged his hip with the toe of my boot. 

“You wanna massage?”

He raised an eyebrow at that. 

“No.”

“Oh come now, nothing too intrusive.”

I slid to sit even with his knees and reached for his right hand. 

“Your hands are important to your work...and this is part of my craft, let me help,”

He didn't resist but shot me an incredulous look as I turned his palm to myself and rubbed through its center with my thumbs,circling a few times before moving to the fingers. The somewhat intimate contact was coiling him a little tighter as he tried to keep his guard up. 

“Relax, just let me work,”

“I wasn't aware a governor's daughter…”

He trailed off but I kept him fixed in my gaze, brow raised at the question he had bitten back. 

“I know everything my workers know, it's respectful to know what you ask of someone,”

“So… are you… you do…?”

It was funny, watching him start and stop as he struggled with the messy topic. Poor thing. Though it was a job like any other I guess it was still awkward to ask someone if they were a whore.  

“On the menu? No. Clientele wouldn't see me as an authority that way,”

Chiding as I stretched the digits, I took note of the calluses on his trigger finger and palm, thick enough to feel through the thin gloves. They belayed the countless hours he spent honing his skills. An intrusive thoughts to what they might feel like against more sensitive flesh sent a sudden shudder through me.  

Searching his face to check if he noticed, I found his eyes sliding along the ink lines tracing the backs of my hands and then, flicking down to my chest, nearly invisible under the sweater.

I smiled softly at that, stopping my purposed stroking to bring his knuckles to my lips, catching his breath where it was. 

Finally, a point for me,

…

“This can’t happen, princess,” 

“So you keep saying, what is it? Because it's not that you don't find me captivating,”

He looked vaguely amused at the accusation, but closed his eyes and sighed deeply. 

“It just doesn't happen. Your kind and mine.”

Now it was my turn to be amused, thinking back to some well known “secrets” in the underworld about certain senators. No… “fraternizing” with soldiers was all too common. It was kept rather hush-hush, everyone looking the other way. Perhaps he has a point. 

I scooted back to slump against the wall next to him, defeated. 

“Didn’t mark you as such a stickler for protocol.” 

He was quiet for a moment.

“If it was just some time in the brig I would’ve had you that first night.”

The admission was barely a whisper, but it sent a warmth through me and I swam in the memory of him standing over me with threat and promise written into every muscle fiber. 

What do they have over you…

He put a hand on the top of my head in a patronizing move that made me huff. 

“I still have work to do, and that means not stepping on toes for a while,”

Revoke your clearance for duty maybe?

“You already had to take on your own squad, what more could they ask of a man…”

The words had been that of pity, but it hadn't occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to know such things. A pained look flickered across him.

“Who-?”

I had dug out of Halo that the Commander had once been in a crew with other enhanced clones. They apparently absconded when the new Empire was formed and no one really knew why. They're the ones that gave him the red, twisted scar that now spread over his right ear. He had apparently gotten the best of them in the end though.

“I’m sorry, the Lieutenant-” 

I started but he cut me off, his words uncharacteristically rushed. 

“To make things clear, My squad ar-were traitors…to the Empire…”

He trailed off, the weight of the burden suddenly more clear. No wonder he wasn't sleeping. 

“Seems cruel to have had you done it… if you ask me,”

He was still, mouth parting occasionally as if to add something. Eventually he settled on:

“A good soldier follows orders,”

It was a weak response, sounding like he was trying to convince himself.

“... I was hoping they'd come back,”

“I'm sorry… really,”

…

“Forget it, Knowing too much can get you killed, princess…”

I let the subject fall. Obviously a heavy topic, and didn't have much to do with our present predicament. 

We sat quietly a few beats and my mind wandered back to the bug in the bridge. 

“Hey, What were your orders for this mission? … For me?”

I was hedging that he'd tell me anything, but while we're getting personal…

“Standard escort, Coruscant to Ga’hah,” 

He leaned his head back again, closing his eyes. The tension had broken, and he allowed a smirk to shine through the gloom.

“And hands off,”

There was a playfulness to that last bit and I couldn't help but smirk myself. 

“So that’s official orders then, not a general ‘don't Kriff the guests?’”

“Uh huh.”

I sighed, amused.

Guess Vah’hadarr warned them himself, Be’llahl save me. 

“Though,”

He continued hesitantly,

“I thought we were taking all three of you, That bit changed as soon as we got to your dock, new orders straight from Hervos,”

Well, isn't that suspicious…

I glanced at my data pad. Almost an hour had passed and it was time to check the bridge again. The sooner I got my device back the better. 

I tapped his shoulder affectionately and stood. Perhaps I should leave him be… 

I could really get him in trouble I suppose.

It bothered me that I cared, but as I kept telling myself, this was different. He has no choice in being trapped here any more than I did, and it's no fun poking a caged animal. 

I turned to leave and he looked up as if about to ask where I was off too, deciding against it, and settled back against the wall. 

Sleep tight, tough guy. 

I followed the path with the thicker tubing back to the end of the hall near my destination. 

Good … they cleared out. 

Slipping into the empty bridge, I walked quickly to the center console and ran my hand under the key bed. 

There you are!

I hit the stop button and extracted the recording device slipping it into my pocket. 

Mission complete, hours to spare! Now back to my room to-

The door slid open with a swish and I stiffened briefly before forcing a more relaxed pose. 

I can be here if I want. 

I stayed looking forward to the array of stars and distant planets setting my chin defiantly even though the intruder couldn't see my face… or managed to challenged me in any way yet. 

Sighing instead, I tried to relax for real. I was just on edge and should probably just see who's here. 

Before I could turn I felt the heat of them against my back and once again panic crept into my heart, causing me to hesitate before thrusting my elbow back against them. 

My armature strike was easily caught. 

“Princess…”

His voice was low and familiar, though tinged with a growl of real frustration. 

“Comand-?”

It was sudden, but I was pinned to the console, his hips holding me against the buttoned counter tight and still. I felt his fingers slide over my waistband and into my pants pocket roughly caressing the line between my thigh and vulva as he slid against the inner fabric. 

The unexpected contact elicited a shameful whimper from me as I pressed back against him desperate and involuntarily. 

His fingers closed around the small metal square in my pocket, carefully withdrawing it and holding it up to the light. 

“These are dangerous games you play,”

His words were dead serious, and I was trying to sober myself. 

Shyte…

I struggled now, trying to turn around or push him off me. 

“Wait! Give it back, you don't understand!”

He stepped away, holding the bit of metal aloft to glint in the starlight. 

“You're arrogantly sticking your nose where it doesn't belong with no care for consequence, is there something else to… understand?”

I feel like that was the longest sentence I've heard from him. Too bad it was so… upset?

Turning my palms up I leaned back in a submissive gesture. 

“Think about it, please?”

I bit my lip, trying to get the words right. 

“It doesn't make sense, you must see that right?”

He didn't move but his stern expression lost some of its assured-ness so I plunged ahead. 

“Why are you here? Elite Imperial Soldier, playing babysitter to the biggest brat on Coruscant, this can't have been the most convenient way to transfer troops and my Vah'hadarr isn't that high of a priority,”

“In case something goes wrong…”

“What could possibly go wrong?”

He looked askance at that and I corrected myself. 

“No… why would something happen? I'm no one and yet I've been whisked off with out warning under heavy guard,”

I pointed up to the recording device.

“Let's go back to my quarters and listen, together… they've had to have let something slip,”

“Conversations like these get people killed, princess,”

It was the second time he felt the need to warn me. He lowered his hand to look at the little device, thoughts etched across his brow as he tried to make up his mind. 

“Let's go to the dining area, It's probably clear by now,”

“Isn't that a little public?”

I was hesitant to go over the recordings somewhere so open. 

“Once it's empty it’ll be empty all night, Less implications if someone does stumble upon us,”

So that's what that's about. 

I wasn't comfortable with the idea but I didn't argue, following him out.  

Getting caught recording the Lieutenant apparently wasn't as bad as getting caught alone in my room and I rolled my eyes.

I don't even have a body guard usually…

Such protective actions weren't the norm for my father, and an official hands off has never been explicitly issued; the illusion of availability is a part of the role I play after all… Besides being tied up sitting in on his meetings, my father didn't care much what I did as long as I showed up for the expected social events. 

I played with the thought of inviting the troop of soldiers to the “Welcome Home” gala and grinned a little.

What talk that would be. 

We wandered into the galley, which was indeed empty, and sat at one end of the long table. 

I laid my data pad down and took out a jack, motioning for the device Crosshair still had on him. 

He slid it over and I plugged it in, pulling up the audio waves on a projection and sliding the measure to the first peak signaling voices had been picked up. I double checked the volume and pressed play. 

The cranky tone of the lieutenant was the first voice on the recording. 

“Good morning everyone,”

His tone was bored and tired, followed by a chorus of monotone acknowledgements and usual reports. Nothing of note. 

I fast forwarded. The waved dipped and rose again and I let it play. 

Idle chit chat. 

I was already growing impatient and started trying to figure out where and when in the time line would be best to prioritize. I didn't want to be stuck scouring every hour and conversation, and I dragged the measure to a pattern in the waves where even, lower peaks where periodically punctuated by spikes in volume. 

I was right, the bridge was taking a transmission. 

“I have to thank you Lieutenant, such a change in the escort can't have been easy to swing,”

It was my father's voice, and I adjusted the volume to listen. 

“No need Governor, it's a shame the girl may have put herself in harm's way, but this should go… unnoticed,”

“Ah yes well, she's a spirited one, I'm trusting you to keep her in line while she's aboard, away from those… things,”

I raised my brow at what he could mean by that, never having heard such contempt in his voice. 

“You have nothing to worry about, Nyem-tok, everyone here… knows their place,”

“I trust you made the extra arrangements we discussed,”

“Yes, extra precautions have been taken, but I assure you, we have everything under control here,”

“Yes well, I'll leave it to you, Lieutenant, Safe travels,”

I stopped the playback and thought for a moment. 

“What could you have gotten yourself into?”

I jumped, having forgotten I wasn't alone. 

I wracked my brain, going over the most recent meetings I had sat through. Nothing suspicious. Well, nothing that would concern anyone important.  

I scanned the audio scape again, jumping ahead to the next section of peaks.

Standard operations.

The next. 

Chatter.

I skipped through looking for any other patterns that might be significant. 

Near the end I somewhat gave up on anything else emerging, letting a dumb conversation play about the efficiency of different engine cores and put my forehead on the table, sighing in disappointment.

The recording played the sound of the door swishing open and the voices halted for a moment. The swish of the door shutting again. 

“I'll be happy to be free of the little whore,”

Chuckles and a return to the previous conversation, apparently that was me looking in earlier. 

My face flushed in anger and I looked up, a little embarrassed Crosshair had heard that, and then another wave of irritation. 

I don't get embarrassed.

My eyes met his over the projection of audio waves from my data pad. His brow was furrowed, mirroring my distemper and oddly enough it was comforting. 

“Well then, might as well set things and get yourselves some dinner, We'll be on the last leg tomorrow, you're dismissed,”

Murmurs. Shuffling. Silence again. 

I slid my finger to the next peak. 

A burst of lewd moans and slapping erupted from the recording and I scrambled to end the playback, fumbling the small bit of metal in panic. 

I forgot I picked it up after that! 

I had also never wiped the original data which was…

The sounds cut off with a gasp and a protest. 

“Give us the room,”

It was my father's voice again and I stopped my frantic attempts at turning it off, lifting my face to look at the clone sitting and listening with me. 

He seemed unaffected by the unintentional porny outpouring, but was focused on the recording now with a dangerous looking intensity. 

“Thank you for keeping this discreet, Nyem-tok, your cooperation is greatly appreciated, How are the preparations?”

The voice was vaguely familiar, then my father's voice again. 

“We have the location refitted and secured with the requested alternative entrances and a new stock of male and female imports for his excellence to choose from,”

“Wonderful, your services have always been top notch, I would be correct in assuming they all fit his usual… proclivities?”

“It's been harder to find the sensitive ones since the end of the war, but I'm sure his excellence will be pleased with the variety,”

“Superb, We'll schedule arrangements to make the necessary selectio-,”

The jagged lines of audio died into a flat line and was done. I started breathing again, only now registering that I had stopped. 

This conversation felt familiar, father talking to someone in hushed tones, abnormally taking a meeting at a room in The Crown.

“What does your father do, again?”

“He-... He controls most, if not all, the bordellos on Ga’hah, Coruscant now too…,”

He snatched the bug from the audio jack and tucked it into his belt. 

“Hey!”

“Where did you get this?”

“At the club, in the office by the rest of the contraband,”

“Did anyone see you take it?”

“No… I don't think so? Why would it matter?” 

They wouldn't have had too, I'm one of the only people with access.

“No one's ever blinked at someone using our services before! It's not exactly juicy black mail,”

We both sat silent a moment. 

I could protest but couldn't deny the conspiratorial sound of the conversation we had just heard. As far as I knew, we weren't working on any current projects… officially at least. I would have had to file for the permits.

“His excellence,”

Vah’hadarr what have you agreed to?

I've gone over plans with him for new clubs but we've never passed the term “stock” around. We build or remodel, then hire from one of the agencies my father helped establish. The only stocking we did was the bars but that wasn't exactly back room talk and most liquors didn't have a sex. 

My stomach was starting to sink as a fissure began to spread in my naive views of the world. I didn't like this. 

Crosshair turned to leave and I stood.

“Wait, you can't take that!”

“It's too dangerous for you to have, Pretend you never even heard it,”

I reached for him hooking his belt and attempting to turn him back. 

Without much warning he had me by the shoulders and pushed into the wall, mirroring our first night in the hallway.

“Forget. It. Now.”

His fingers were digging into me and funny enough, I already wasn't thinking about it anymore, completely focused on how close his face was, his hot breath caressing my cheek. I reached up to cup his jaw with my hands. 

“Why don't you make me forget then?”

It slipped out, I had lost focus…

And just when I decided to knock it off with him. 

His eyes searched my face for a moment, surprised at the real lust that glinted back at him. 

…

“You're going to get me killed,” 

His voice was strained, but he released me and escaped from the galley. 

Guess I'll go to bed alone… again.

~~~

Clang

Half awake… hands on my skin, heavy breathing… no.

I'm alone. 

There was a rustle behind me and I realized why I had woken from my heavy, muddled dreaming. 

Not alone…

I forced my breathing to slow, maintaining the illusion that I was asleep and listened. 

Rummaging. Something soft falling to the floor… my bag!

I flipped out of the bed and threw my shoulder in the direction I remembered leaving the practical travel pack on the floor. 

Oof

I connected, and the figure fell to the side from where they were balanced over my possessions. 

The voice sounded feminine and the slight figure was scrambling back to their feet faster than I was. I was stuck on my own nightgown, and struggled to unpin myself when a sudden blaze of pain snapped across my jaw as the intruder's boot connected with my face. 

Kriffing… stars..

Sparkles bloomed in my eyes, filling the dark room and another clang rang out as they fled. 

You better run.

I was trying to sooth the intense ache settling in my jaw as I threw the scattered articles back into my pack and slung it over my shoulder, following them out into the hall.

Shyte, where the Kark did the nerf go?

I ran left towards the crew cabins, hitting the panel buttons on the doors I passed searching for someone awake along the way.

“Lieutenant!”

I started beating on doors and picked up speed, the sleepy daze that clung to me with abnormal persistence finally leaving my brain completely, letting the severity of the situation sink in. 

“Lieutenant Hervos!”

I was shouting now, desperate to wake the sleeping ship. 

I thought about the navigation crew, there were a few smaller people on staff that might match the profile I saw in the dark but it was hard to imagine any of them looking through my negligee. 

The other possibility, that an outsider managed to find us out here, sent a chill through me. We were still in the halfway system, yet to jump. Easy enough to board. 

I had reached the barrack and started hammering on the door frame when a hand grabbed my wrist, spinning me around. 

“What happened?” 

It was Crosshair, his helmet tucked under his other arm and guns hooked over his back. He must've been awake and heard me coming. 

“Someone was going through my things,”

I jostled the bag dangling from my shoulder to emphasize, but my voice was soft and breathy. The panic I hadn't acknowledged was finally settled in and was making me gasp for air. 

The color draining from his face under the professional expression didn't help. 

Good to know the implication isn't lost on you either. 

He reached past me to the panel by the barrack door and quickly tapped out a code.

A siren started to sound, accompanied with an ominous red light, and the confused shuffling in the barracks that started from my clamoring became purposeful and urgent. 

It wasn't long before Halo appeared at my elbow, tired but alert and looking for direction from his Commander. 

“Intruder in our guest’s quarters. Organize your squad and search the ship. Move.”

Without even a pause, I was being steered away down the hall. We were now set upon by a harried looking Hervos quickly approaching us as we made our way back to the loading platform of the ship. 

“Commander, explain yourself.”

“We've been compromised. I'm initiating nesting protocol,”

Nesting protocol? 

“I don't think that's necess-”

Hervos was cut off by a loud bang and rumble from the port side of the ship. 

I didn't see his reaction, having been swept up and carried swiftly past the few rushing, panicked people in the halls. 

We turned into what looked like the Lieutenant's quarters, where I was set down among the personal artifacts. The room was nicer than mine. 

“We're leaving.”

I didn't argue though a dozen questions flooded me. Mainly, how?

“Shouldn't we be at the shuttles then?”

He didn't answer, instead ripping open a panel near the cabins storage cabinets and tapping another hurried code that sank the whole section of wall into the floor, revealing a small pod. 

It didn't look like it had any sort of navigation nor like it was meant for two people. 

Crosshair was already in and pulling me to him, holding me tight as he hit another button, and we were off. 

The whole thing had taken seconds and I still wasn't sure what was happening. The ship shuddered and rumbled again as the pod snapped shut and we were jettisoned from the ship. 

As we left the shell of the transport the empty quiet of space enveloped the tiny shuttle leaving us in eerie silence punctuated by the beeps and clicks of mechanical systems working to keep us alive. 

“Where is it taking us?”

I whispered, but it still sounded too loud. My heart beat was too loud. His breathing, too loud. Too close. 

An internal shield had wrapped around us, crushing us together and away from the walls. 

“It'll target the nearest body with a breathable atmosphere.”

The shields weren't enough to completely mask the inertia of hurtling through the void and I turned all my concentration to not focusing on the forces being exerted on my form.

Seconds. Minutes? And then the silence was broken by a dull roar. 

We were starting to break atmosphere, who knows where. The ship was passing a cluster of moons on its way to the next jump point, it could be heading to any of them. 

The dull roar became a full rush, broken by booms reverberating as the pod made shock waves on its descent. 

A wave of blue began to pulsate through the systems surrounding us as layer and layer of shields began to wrap around the rapidly falling pod. 

I felt sick from the turbulence as each shield slowed our descent, pushing back against gravity, bringing us down in nauseating bounces. There was a whoosh, sounding like something inflating around us.

In a final crash there was a loud ripping sound and our true speed made itself known, sliding for quite some time. The foreign landscape made a rough, grinding cacophony against the hull of our safety.

When the screeching, rolling chaos stopped I was laying disheveled on Crosshair's armored chest plate. The pod tinked and clicked as the metal cooled. He yanked a lever down, popping the door open and helping me out on shaking legs. 

I turned to the sky and, in horror, took in the sight above me. 

A radial burst of fiery explosion hung in the distance, no doubt our ship. 

“Did they make it?” 

The question was nonsense. He knew as much as I did. 

“Probably not…”

There was no emotion in it. 

I thought of Kerna, afraid of flying…and Halo, hope he wasn't living up to his namesake. I hadn't even learned the other’s… hadn't asked. 

Guilt sunk in at that until I was snapped back to the present situation with a rough tug and a raspy,

“We need to move,”

But I was transfixed.

“How did this…”

I was picked up again, pulled away from the sky stained with fire.

“I warned you, princess…”

I could hear the remorse in it now…

“Conversations Kill.”

[fatedroses]

Reaper's Bounty.

[morningmask27]

I'm going to be bitching about Star for a while now. I'll tag them all with #asc spoilers, but really what the fuck was this book?

[aberooski]

Writing an au of Chazz, Atty, and Lex getting sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom was a joke, but the idea of Peach and Chazz becoming unlikely besties hanging out in the dungeon in Bowser's castle is so funny and cute please stop me before I actually do it I have too much to work on right now as it is please 😭

[blvdprn]

— DIRTY LIAR

gojo satoru x top!male reader

you never thought your best friend was a virgin, always talking in detail about the nightly adventures he’s had with women. alas, it turns out everything he ever told you was just dirty things he dreamt of with you.

nsfw — smut, porn with plot, consent isn’t verbally said but it IS there, caught masturbating: reader listens in, slight perv!reader, also perv!gojo, virginity loss, cursing, edging, some fingering, messy makeout, thigh-slapping, pleasurable crying, slight humiliation & degradation, praise if you squint, sensitive n semi brat gojo, strong reader with heightened senses, friends to lovers, no canon timeline

wc: 4,269

‘Please, shut up.’

Gojo Satoru: powerful, strong, tall, beautiful, cocky asshole, your best friend, and so goddamn annoying.

“I fucked her so hard—”

“She begged me to—”

“And then me and her—”

Always babbling on and on about how good he was in bed. How he fucked the women so good that they left scratches and bite marks on him.

Did he have any idea about how you were completely and utterly in love with him? Of course not. He was as clueless as a fucking ostrich.

‘When does he have the time to have sex anyway?’

“—And by the seventh round she passed out, so I took a quick shower and left.”

That made you raise a brow in question. No matter how jealous you’d get over the women he had sex with, the fact that he left them without at least cleaning them up, always made you wonder why you even liked an asshole like him in the first place.

“You’re such a fucking douchebag, Satoru. Did you even pay for the hotel room?”

He made a face, offended over the insult you used. “Of course I did, she had no money!”

“Wow,” you said, monotonously. “What a gentleman.”

The beauty in front of you huffed in response, rolling his eyes from behind his blindfold —not like you’d notice anyway.

“Well, it was just a quick fuck, nothing special.”

“A quick fuck?” you questioned. “Didn’t you say it was like, the seventh round?”

Satoru stiffened up, quickly relaxing and acting nonchalant, hoping you didn’t notice his slight mishap.

“Oh, did I? Whatever, you know what I meant.”

“I don’t—”

“Hey!” he suddenly said, interrupting what you were about to say. Standing up, Satoru leaned over you a bit. “I forgot, I have a mission I gotta head to soon.”

You turned your head in confusion, knowing damn well he didn’t have a mission today. “What?”

Satoru let out a fake, easygoing smile, already knowing you didn’t believe him. But he had to get out of your room soon, either before he spilled out the truth about his nonexistent night shenanigans, or before he spilled something else.

“Yeah,” the blindfolded man shrugged, tugging on his pants a bit. “Emergency or something.”

“I didn’t hear any—”

“See you!” your friend interrupted, waving a goodbye before almost sprinting out of your room.

You furrowed your brows, an irritated smile spreading across your face. “That fucking liar. Does he think he’s slick or something?”

Sighing, you lean back on your bed —the spot both of you were sitting on.

“Ow,” you groaned, harshly hitting your head on something rectangular behind you. “The fuck?”

It was Satoru’s phone. He must’ve not realized that it fell out of his back pocket.

‘That idiot left his phone with the hurry he was in.’

An angered laugh echoed around the room, followed by the shuffle of a blanket as an idea came to mind.

“I’ll keep this until tonight, that’s when he’ll supposedly be back from the mission.” You let an eyebrow twitch. “That’ll show him to stop doing that.”

You see, this wasn’t the first time this happened. Neither was it the second, nor third, not even the fourth. For some reason, every time he went into detail about his sex life, he’d immediately make up an excuse about how he suddenly had to go. You never knew why he did it, but tonight —tonight is when you’ll figure it out. And you’ll use the phone he left behind as an excuse to go see him.

Because who would willingly want to spend time with him anyway?

You, but you’d never show him that.

“I wonder if he gets horny thinking about what they did?” you hummed to yourself. “But then, why would he tell me every time? I doubt he’d want to have a boner while talking to me.”

You sighed, looking down a bit, not liking the idea of him with someone else. “Shit, I gotta get used to it.” A sudden thought crossed your mind, one that made you frown. “Does he even like men?”

You groaned.

It was nighttime.

The moon was high up, crickets loud and clear even with the walls separating the outside world. Currently, you are on your way to Satoru’s room. Silent steps went unheard, yet the anticipation of asking him the question that’s been on the tip of your tongue, made your breath heavier, silence turning into sound.

Hearing the critters and strigiformes outside, you slowed down your steps, slightly cherishing and admiring the beauty the night held.

‘But of course, nothing beats Satoru.’

After what felt like only seconds, you reached your friend’s door. With one hand clutching his phone and the other raised as a fist, you prepared yourself to knock.

Until you heard it.

“Aah—”

A moan. Whether it was from pain or pleasure, you weren’t sure. But the sound of Satoru moaning was something you never thought you’d get the privilege to hear.

Your face burned, blood rushing towards your head and downwards.

‘Shit.’ You brought the hand that was about to knock, down in shock, slightly covering your mouth with it. ‘Is he masturbating? Or did the reckless fucker bring in someone?’

“Oh, fuck…” you heard. Satoru’s groan stretched out into a slight whine.

‘What do I do?! Do I leave?!’

A moan louder than the rest echoed through your ears.

‘But…’

You panted, feeling your dick twitching in between your legs.

‘Just a little more… and then I’ll leave.’

“Haa—” moaned Satoru again.

With your heightened hearing, you could make out the sounds of his hand going up and down his cock.

Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

If you just reached down a bit… you could unzip your pants and—

‘No!’ you stopped yourself. ‘This is wrong. He’s your friend, the one you’re in love with. Don’t do this, it’s disrespectful and gross. He’d never forgive you if he found out!’ You looked down. ‘Besides… he doesn’t even like—’

Another moan, but this one was different.

It felt like a bucket of pure fire was poured down on you, heating up your entire body.

‘What the fuck? Was that—’

Your name. Again. And again. And again.

Heart raising to unnatural rhythms, you contained your gasps, trying your hardest not to burst into Satoru’s room and fuck the living shit out of him.

With an idea in mind, you calmed your racing heart and cooled your face off, hoping the erection in your pants didn’t give away your intentions.

You raised your hand against the door.

Knock Knock

The sound seemed so loud outside the empty hallway. You could hear the sorcerer inside the room gasp, rapidly pulling his pants up —he already knew it was you.

With a slight clear of his throat, Satoru voiced. “It’s open!”

‘Of course it was. He thinks nothing can beat him as he’s the strongest.’

You twisted the knob, instantly opening the door and going inside, harshly closing it behind you.

“Back so soon?” you asked, looking straight at his uncovered eyes.

Satoru laughed at his place on the bed, legs still covered by the blanket, and still a bit flustered from what he was doing before. “Of course! You know me…”

You raised an eyebrow at his blatant lie. “Right.”

Awkward silence.

“Sooo…” he stretched out, having enough, and wanting to know what the man he was imagining about was doing in his room. “What can little ol’ moi do for you? Did you miss me so much you had to come visit in the middle of the night?”

A smile graced your face, one that somehow made someone like Satoru feel small. “You forgot your phone in my room.” You stretched out your arm, holding the device in your hand. “I just came to bring it back.”

“Oh!” the man in front of you exclaimed, surprise evident in his eyes. “I didn’t even notice! Thanks sooo much, haha!” He brought his arm out, expecting you to hand him his phone.

Although what he didn’t expect, was for you to carelessly throw the device on his bed and grab his outstretched arm, pulling him up to your height. See, Satoru never had Limitless on around you, knowing you’d never do anything to him. Alas, he’s come to regret that decision, because now he was face to face with you, pants hazardously thrown on —he didn’t even bother to button them up.

“Hey!” he somewhat whined. “What’s up with you?”

You scoffed, “Me?” Glancing down at his pants, you could feel Satoru stiffen up. “You just had your hand around your dick, moaning my fucking name.”

“Huh?!”

“What?” you chuckled, pulling him towards you even more. “You thought I wouldn’t hear? C’mon, you know me…”

Satoru glared, hearing his own words being repeated back to him. “So? What are you gonna do?”

You turned your head to the side. “Oh? you’re not even going to deny it?”

“Tch. Why should I? You heard, didn’t you?”

“Haha, yeah. I just didn’t take you for being such a slut.”

That was a lie. With how many times he’s told you about his sex life, you’re surprised he hasn’t gotten gonorrhea or something.

Satoru’s ears heated up, embarrassed, and turned on over what you called him. “I’m not a slut. Don’t call me that.”

“You’re not a slut?” you mockingly questioned. “But I just heard you fucking your fist at the thought of me. Do you do that with all your friends?”

Fuck. Was Satoru’s dick twitching or was that just his imagination?

“None of your business. Now get out before I—”

“Before you what.” You interrupted, words sounding more like a threat than a question. “Are you going to do something to me? Or…” You let go of Satoru’s arm, harshly pushing him down onto the bed, where you heard a startled yelp below you. “…do you want me to do something to you?”

“What?!” he loudly questioned, watching in anticipation as you leaned down towards him, trapping him with both of your hands beside his head.

“Awe,” you mockingly pout. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Suddenly, Satoru’s whole demeanor changed. From flustered to teasing, he now had an arrogant smirk on his face. “Hehe, do you wanna fuck me that bad that you had to listen in on me masturbating? You know, you could’ve just asked me to fuck you.”

‘He thinks he’s gonna fuck me?’

You leaned in, face inches away from his. “You’re cute, but I’m the one that’s going to fuck you.”

That caugh Satoru by surprise. “Uhm, no. You’re going to have to fight for it, and we all know who’s stronger here.”

“Hmm,” you falsely pondered, brushing your lips against his. “Do we?”

He gulped slightly, Adam’s apple moving inside his throat. “Yeah, it’s—”

But you don’t let him respond. Instead, you crashed your lips onto his.

“Hmph?!” Satoru let out in delighted surprise.

‘Finally… how long have I wanted to do this again?’

You moved your head to the right, Satoru to the left. Mouths bruising against each other, you bit his bottom lip, feeling the way he tried his best to control the kiss. But he can’t, because—

‘It’s like he’s never kissed anyone.’

Not putting any more thought into it, you slightly pulled his lip towards you, sucking on it a bit.

“Mmh…” Satoru whimpered, hastily grabbing the sides of your shirt and pulling on it. Taking that as a sign, you let go of his lips, hearing him gasp for air. Leaning back up, you grab the back of your shirt, pulling it over your head and taking it off.

You don’t let the man below you admire anything, because now one of your hands was on his hair, fiercely pushing his head up for another hot kiss.

“Fuck—”

‘Seems like he likes getting his hair pulled.’

With a hand harshly pulling back his light hair, you swiped your tongue on his lips, a gasp coming out of his mouth. Taking his open mouth as an opportunity, your tongue pushes in, immediately finding his own.

“Aah… hmn…” Satoru could do nothing but moan, clumsily trying his best to dominate the kiss, knowing he’d never done this before.

Tongues tangled, one of your knees went in between his legs, meeting the hard erection in his pants.

“Hmm!” a louder moan came crawling out of his throat.

With your knee on his hard cock, you slightly moved it up and down, all while exploring his mouth with yours. Tongue swiping over his teeth, gums, on the roof of his mouth, and swirling with his. You felt some drool sliding down Satoru’s chin, hearing him gulp a bit.

Thinking that’s enough, you pulled his head back. Separating your lips, you admired the red face of the beautiful man below you.

You laughed, dark eyes roaming over his body. “Look at you, all messed up from a little kiss. I thought you were gonna show me who was stronger here?” You grinned down at him. “So pathetic.”

Satoru groaned in annoyance, feeling precum on his tip. “Shut up, no I’m not. You just caught me by surprise is all.”

“Awe,” you cooed. “Is that really it?” Leaning back down, you unzipped your friend’s pants, peeling them off his legs before he could even blink. “Or have you just been lying to me all this time?”

“What are you talking about?” Satoru could feel his heart racing, knowing you caught him in the lie.

“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” Your hands crawled up his legs, scratching the smooth skin. “You’re a virgin.”

He flinched, face hotter than he thought was possible. “No, I’m not. Why would I lie about that?”

You hummed, fingers reaching the hem of his briefs, where you could see just how turned on Satoru really was. “Let me see… maybe it’s because you thought being a virgin would make you look pathetic? Maybe because you couldn’t phantom the thought of me fucking anyone else, so you had to make up stories about you and those fake women. Or maybe, it’s because all the shit you’ve said were things you wanted me to do to you?”

Satoru whimpered in shame, not liking how you knew him a little too well.

Who was he kidding, he loved it!

“Do you think I’m stupid?” You figured it out earlier. When he clumsily kissed you back. When his shaking hands reached your shirt. When his gasps held a small tremble every time he breathed in. With how unknowingly expressive he was, you’re surprised you didn’t catch onto it sooner. “You’re a little virgin whore.”

Feeling like he was going to get a bloody nose, Satoru pouted, shaking his head from side to side. “No ‘m not— Ah!”

Irritated with the way he kept lying, you slapped one of his thighs before he could finish talking. “You’re such a fucking brat, Satoru.”

Oh, how he loved it when you said his name. That, paired with the slap, made more precum come out of his tip.

“That looks painful,” you said, eyes staring at the erection trying to get out of its briefs. “Should I help you?” You didn’t even wait for a response, already having his underwear reach his ankles.

“Shit,” the man panted impatiently, sitting up and throwing his shirt to an unknown corner.

Smirking, you pushed him back down. “So careless.”

“Shut— Fuck!”

Your hand slapped his thigh again, so close to his twitching dick. Now that you looked at it, it’s a cute shade of red, almost like he’d spent hours masturbating. Well, knowing him, he probably started as soon as he left your room.

‘Damn, did he go at it for hours?’

“What’s this?” you teasingly asked, hand grabbing his hard length. “How many times have you done it, Satoru? It looks so wasted.” You flicked the tip, getting a wet moan by the man below you, in response.

“Agh! Don’t do that!”

Your hand met his thigh harder this time. “Don’t tell me what to do. We both know you like this.”

“Mm…”

The hand that was on his chest, keeping him down, traveled lower and lower. Past his stomach, belly button, and cock. One of your fingers reached his hole, going inside with no problem, quickly taking notice of how it wasn’t as tight as it should have been.

“Ah, you had some fun earlier down here.”

“No I— Ahh!”

You sighed in faux disappointment, rubbing the sensitive spot that turned red by your palm. “You’re always so dishonest. I’m gonna have to teach you some manners, baby.”

Your soon-to-be lover could do nothing but whimper in response.

The finger that lingered inside Satoru’s hole moved, earning a small twitch of his thighs. With how loose he was, another finger easily went in, rubbing all of his sensitive spots.

“Please…”

You thought that even with your heightened hearing, you heard wrong for a second. Satoru never outright said please, thinking something so simple was below him.

“What was that?”

Angered grumbling was muffled, and you patiently waited for him to say it again, speeding up your fingers to find that bundle of nerves that would make Satoru crumble.

“Please… just fuck me already…” he somewhat moaned at the end.

Well, you surely didn’t expect him to say that last part.

‘I guess we all have our breaking point.’

“Since you asked so nicely, I’ll give you what you want.” You slowly put in your ring finger, taking note of how it was a slighter tighter fit. “I just needa find—”

“Fuuuck!”

“Haha, I found it,” you said in amusement. “That’s your prostrate baby, does it feel good?”

He nodded, cutely furrowing his brows. “Uh huh..”

You smiled. “Well, something else is gonna make you feel even better.”

Taking your time, you kept pressing on his sweet spot, loving the way he kept moaning your name. Almost lazily, you reached your unoccupied hand to your pants, just now noticing how hard you were. Shoving them down your legs, your boxers were next, making you let out a small hiss over the cold air hitting your cock.

Satoru’s eyes immediately went downwards, eyes widening a bit. “It’s bigger than I thought…” he trailed off.

“I should be offended, but now I’m sure you’ve dreamt all those dirty things you’ve been talking to me about.”

He huffed impatiently. “Just put it in already.”

You rolled your eyes, “Relax.”

Taking out your fingers, Satoru whined at the sudden empty feeling. Grabbing your erection, your sight went to the lube sitting on his desk. Reaching out with your empty hand, you snatched the tiny bottle. With the flick of your fingers, the cap fell off, and you instantly poured some on your cock, flinching at its temperature.

Looking down at the man below you, you could see that he couldn’t take his eyes off of your figure. Whether it was your strong arms, pecs, thighs, or just your dick —he couldn’t stop himself from admiring everything.

Not like you didn’t do the same either.

Thinking it was enough, you wiped the remaining lube on Satoru’s hole for easier access. Grabbing his legs, you made them wrap around your waist, ankles digging into your back. With your hard cock in hand, you teasingly slapped it on his entrance and slowly pushed it in.

“Ah!” he groaned loudly, digging his nails into your strong forearms.

“Fuck.” Even with the stretching you did, he was still tight. Of course, it was expected, as he is —was— a virgin.

With both of you gasping for breath, you stopped halfway, letting Satoru take a break. Although all you wanted to do was fuck him silly, you had to wait for your friend to adjust.

“Ngh, is that it?”

Your brow twitched angrily, not believing what he just said. “You fucking bitch. Of course not.”

Satoru raised his head, eyes wide. “What?!”

Grabbing his hips firmly, you harshly sank all the way in. “Shit, you’re tight.”

“Ah—Haa! F-fuck you!”

“I am.”

He let out small gasps, trying his best to relax. “J-just move already..”

You rubbed your thumbs on Satoru’s hip bones in circular motions, hoping it brought him some sort of soothing comfort.

“Okay.” Leaning down a bit, you gave him a small, reassuring kiss.

Slowly, you moved, feeling him relax around you.

“Mmh!”

You hissed, “Holy shit, Satoru. You’re sucking me in.”

The man couldn’t even respond. His mouth was wide open, letting out loud moans and whines. Tears slowly formed on his waterline, crystalline eyes threatening to spill them at the smallest movement.

“You’re so wrecked already, we just started.”

Not like you could blame him, you were the same. Deep groans came out of your mouth, you wanted nothing more than to fuck Satoru like a wild animal.

“Hey,” you slightly smacked his thigh, slowing your pace. “How many rounds did you say earlier?”

Satoru sniffed, having to focus hard to come back. “What?”

“Was it seven?”

“Wha— are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

You laughed a bit, noticing the way he was already slurring his words. “Never mind, go back to being the dumb little slut you are, okay?”

He whined, “M’kay..”

‘I hope you have as much stamina as dream you.’

“Haa! P-pleashhh— Ah! Lemme cum!”

Time was unimportant, all you could think about was the drooling and crying man below you. Although, you’re sure hours have passed since all of this started. The room smelled of sex, the bed dirtied with Satoru’s tears and your cum. You guys were barely on your fourth round, but he was already begging and sobbing for release.

“I said you could cum on the seventh round, didn’t I?” you panted above him.

He whined loudly, slightly kicking his feet as some sort of childish tantrum. “Y-yesshh!”

“And what round is it?” you questioned.

“Hmm— I dunno! I dunno!”

You couldn’t help but mock him, pulling on his white locks sternly. “Awe, poor Gojo Satoru. Doesn’t even know how to count.”

Said man was currently on his stomach, hips raised and back deliciously arched. Arms were clutching one of his pillows tightly, seeing as his arms gave up a long time ago. One of your hands was on his head —messing up his hair with all the pulling that’s been done— and pushing his face into the pillow. Your arm was around his waist, hand tightly holding onto the base of his cock, not letting a single drop of cum out.

“Can’t— can’t! N’ moooore!”

“But you’re still not where you want to be, baby.” You groaned, knowing you wouldn’t last any longer either. “Besides, you were being such a brat earlier. You really think you deserve to cum?”

Satoru roughly sobbed, not liking the fact he was reminded of earlier. “I do! I do! Been a good boy!”

Your heart skipped a beat, admiring how adorable he was being. “Really? You’re a good boy? Haa— Are you m-my good boy?”

“Yeeeshhh— Your good boy!” he moaned, legs trembling with the way you rolled your hips, long dick hitting his prostate just where he wanted.

“Fuck.” You were so turned on, feeling the way you were about to bust a load inside him again. Pushing your hips against his ass rapidly, the squish of the remaining lube and cum made such a dirty sound —one that made your face heat up. Lightening your hold on Satoru’s cock, you started moving your hand up and down, the rhythm matching your thrusts.

“Nyahh—”

‘He sounds like a kitten.’

Satoru tightened around you, making it feel like he was trying to milk your cock dry. “C-cummin— Ngh!”

With his hips raised, you could see the way his back shuddered, his orgasm too powerful for him to stay still. Your hand kept hastily moving up and down his cute red dick, thumb slightly grazing his tip —something that made Satoru go absolutely crazy. Your hand was covered in his cum, slick with the amount he let out.

“Oh, fuck— Satoru!” Moaning, you hurriedly thrust into his hole, feeling your orgasm crash onto you.

“Haa.. ah..” Satoru weakly moaned, feeling your hot cum inside of him, dripping down his thighs. Shit, was he glad you cornered him for answers. His only regret would be that it didn’t happen sooner.

Pulling out, you watched in morbid fascination as your friend fully collapsed, immediately knocked out. As you weren’t as bad as he was, you would never let him lay there all dirty. So you shakily got up, going to the bathroom for some wet wipes and towels.

When you came back, he was already awake —barely. Cleaning his ass and thighs, you also wiped away the tears that clumped his long eyelashes together, letting your eyes meet for the first time in a while. Satoru’s face was red, and a small lazy smile spread upon his face.

“Does this mean we’re dating?” His voice was scratchy, spent from all the crying and moaning.

You huffed, brows furrowing in amusement, trying to ignore how he sounded or you’d jump his bones again. “Well I hope so, otherwise I did all this for nothing.”

He released a whiny laugh, moving his face towards yours. With his arms not under the pillow anymore, he raised his hands, grabbing your face. “Kiss,” he demanded.

Sighing, you leaned in, giving him a nice, big smooch on his forehead.

Satoru pouted, pointing at his lips, clearly showing you where he wanted you to kiss him.

“Alright, alright. Stop pouting you big baby.”

notes: gojo lives in the school but is it like the dorms? bc tbh that’s what i based it on so… also ik he’d be able to sense reader, but let’s pretend he was too preoccupied for that lol. this is my first time writing ever (sorry if the smut was disappointing 😢) but i couldn’t contain myself. i just need gojo. badly.

[peppertoastuniverse]

pep reads: fluffiest fluff edition

I've just been CONSUMING so many jjk fanfics... here are the softest fluffiest fic recommendations since I think we all need it right now. This list is in no particular order – there's so many talented writers out there! These ones just made me MELT extra hard. Mostly no smut, I just needed to be held.

gojo satoru

☆ only you by Kaiseriin [A03: mini series] [status: unknown] [Cursed speech!reader] Other than Gojo, not many people understand the sign language you use to communicate as a cursed speech user. When some students from Kyoto arrive, one tries to learn so he can get closer to you.

☆ summer skies, winter lies by miyaspudding [A03: long fic!][status: ongoing]

"how cruel was fate? how much had he sinned in his past life, for the woman he loved to belong to his best friend? how little did god love him?"

in which gojo satoru learns that emotions are not weaknesses but consolations; and geto suguru realizes that he's always been a little too late for everything. because the furthest distance is an inch away, and the furthest thing from truth is "just friends".

☆best of luck. by reinerispretty [A03: one shot! part of a mini series] [status: unknown] In which Gojo Satoru shows up unannounced, twice.

☆Ah, you were both equally idiotic by Hiroka [A03: mini series] [status: unknown]

4 times others realized something was going on between Gojo and you, and 0 times you both realized it.

[Oneshots from the Old Beats Cinematic Universe]

☆ For A God, Shopping Is a New Adventure by Bun_sun [AO3] [status: on going!] [Baker!reader]

“Would you like anything else?” “Actually, yeah.” He flashes you a grin that only promises trouble, pushing his sunglasses down with a way too exaggerated flirty expression. “Can I get your number too?” “Haha, really funny Gojo. Now, I have more clients so...” But he's already getting his phone out, as if he hasn't listened to a single word you've said. “...Oh, you're for real.” ~ ~ ~ ~ Reader owns a small cafe with their own baked goods. Gojo comes in one day, and absolutely falls in love with their pastries (and with them).

☆ I Want to Kiss You / キスしたい by arminsumi [A03][status: unknown]

You and Satoru falling in love despite a language barrier.

You've come to visit Japan to meet these two boys you met online. Though Satoru can't speak English and you can't speak Japanese, the two of you still fall in love. There's seems to be romantic tension between you and Suguru, too.

geto suguru

it's so hard to find suguru fics without him being used as a plot device for gojo

☆ gentle glow / deep thought by waffiez [AO3: one shot] [status: completed] "I thought about you, you know." Despite the softness of his voice, it cut through the otherwise silent atmosphere profoundly and made your heart skip a beat. "Is that so?" "It is." ☆☆☆ in which you awake to your best friend suguru asleep at the edge of your bed, having returned from a lengthy mission and only really wanting to see you.

☆ unnamed drabble by @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat [tumblr: drabble] [status: completed]

comfy fluff w sleepy needy sugu <33)

☆ Wash It Away by @shadowsandshapes [A03/tumblr: drabble][status: completed]

Sometimes you forget Geto is just a guy. But then he shows a sense of vulnerability that surprises you. After a particularly emotionally draining battle, you run him a warm bath and take care of his aches. ☆ Wisteria and Ciabatta by @hayakawalove [A03/tumblr: mini fic!][status: completed, chapter 2 has smut!]

Traveling merchant Suguru has led a relatively tame life thus far. Growing his flowers, baking his bread. One day, when he ventures out further than normal he comes across something more beautiful than all the flowers in the world. You. ☆ the paint doesn't move the way the light reflects by @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat [tumblr: long oneshot!] [status: completed]

bonus!

☆ Digest Your Feelings (DYF) – First Years! by @whalesforhands [A03/tumblr: part of a longer series of fics] [status: completed] new classmates, new life, new friends(?). a look into the life of the dyf au characters in their first year.

[earlysunshines]

once in a moon

pham hanni x fem!reader ; angst, fluff

synopsis: hanni meets the new girl and she's oddly familiar -- familiar in a way that makes her heart ache.

warnings: childhood friends to something less, more, and in between, to lovers ; basketball player reader ooo and hanni is in student gov ; angst AND pining omg ; minji a victim (bystander of idiots) always ; hyein fr plotting ; THERE'S ONLY ONE BED??? ahahaa ; making out YAY ; anything else I didn't mention ; guess what... KINDA proofread muahahaha

a/n: mmm quite long like... looong and idk how I feel ab the pacing mmm but I like this one I think yes mm hmm ≧◡≦

hanni lets hyein drag her to the girls' basketball practice, the underclassman chattering excitedly about new girl who had made the team the same day she transferred. despite acting annoyed, hanni is intrigued. according to hyein, the new girl not only makes 9 out of 10 three-pointers, but is also stunning.

“even haerin thinks she’s really pretty, and she never admits things like that, hanni.”

“wow, she must be a hot shot then,” the older girl responds sarcastically, making hyein roll her eyes.

“shut up, don’t come drooling to me when you finally meet her and she becomes the girl you’re fixated on for at least the next month.”

“okay, okay, i get it. this new girl is something special or whatever.” hanni continues to be dragged towards the basketball courts, hyein steering her away from where the guys practice and toward the bleachers in front of where the girls are. “is their practice even over?”

“haerin said they end at five, that’s in five minutes. we’re right on time!”

“i can’t believe i let a child drag me back to school after hours.”

“you were already staying after! you literally have to plan half the events, fundraisers, and whatever else you do… you were literally in mr. ahn’s class with minji and dani.”

hyein got hanni there, making hanni scoff jokingly. the younger girl sits down in the bleachers' second row, watching all the girls finish running up and down the court. once they finish, a few sit down tiredly, sweat making their faces glow in the light that seeps through the windows.

hanni already knows half the basketball team thanks to haerin, so it shouldn’t be too hard to spot this wonder of a girl. she scans the team, her eyes skimming over the players she’s familiar with until they land on a sweaty, uncovered torso and defined abs. her eyes widen – partly from shock at how someone can be built that well, but also because the girl looks oddly familiar.

as she continues to stare, trying to place where she’s seen her before, hyein nudges her. "see what i mean? she’s something else, right? she’s in your grade, you should make a move or become friends with her."

hanni nods absently, still figuring out why the girl seems so familiar. the new girl’s face comes into view as she turns to grab a water bottle, and hanni’s jaw drops.

"it can’t be," hanni whispers, more to herself than to hyein. 

hyein looks at her curiously. "you know her?"

hanni swallows hard, a mixture of excitement and nervousness bubbling up. "yeah, i think i do."

the younger girl grabs hanni’s wrist and starts to drag her away again, this time towards haerin, who’s talking to the familiar girl.

when hanni meets your eyes right after you glance down, both of your eyes widen at the same time, the revelation hitting the two of you just as hard. recognition floods in, bringing back memories of how you know each other.

hanni can’t believe her eyes, it’s you – l/n y/n.

–

you and hanni knew each other alright, she was the main part – one of the few people that you remembered in detail – of your childhood. if anything, she was your childhood.

both of you had known each other since second grade, which led to a strong friendship. you spent your days growing up together, laughing and playing, inseparable through the years. from recess adventures to sleepovers filled with whispered secrets and shared dreams, your whole worlds revolved around each other. you had countless inside jokes, understood each other’s moods without a word, and could communicate with just a glance. your families even joked that you were joined at the hip, and as you grew, so did the bond that seemed unbreakable.

when middle school rolled around, things got rocky – just as things always do at this age. 

you and hanni still spent most of your time together, but she was a social butterfly, making so many new friends and putting herself out there to the point that it was hard to keep up. 

of course, you wanted to be there for her, but your timid nature never really changed. you trailed along whenever she went out, feeling like her shadow as she laughed and joked with everyone else. hanni always made sure to check on you, reminding you that your presence mattered to her, that she appreciated you. yet, despite her kindness, it was draining. the constant effort to blend into the background while staying close to her took a toll on you, leaving you both comforted and exhausted.

you stopped tagging along because the only reason you ever did was to spend more time with her. it was strange, the feeling you had when you were with hanni or even thinking about her. you had never felt anything like it. 

she would smile while with her friends, and you fought back the urge to smile back. sometimes she’d rest her hand on your arm, sending a shiver through you. when she looked you dead in the eye, you would always retreat. she did things to you that weren’t explainable. they were foreign, making you uneasy and weak in the knees to the point that it all just frustrated and confused you.

your heart yearned for her, and you knew that was dangerous. she had so many other friends and people there for her; it was almost like she was growing out of you. you felt like a thorn in her side, something she needed to pick out in order to really break out of her shell. it hurt to see her laughing, smiling, and being so touchy with her new friends when it used to be just with you. you wanted it to stay as just you being the light in her life. 

the person you had known most of your life was growing into someone lovable, someone you loved more than words could explain. and what did you do? you were thirteen; what else could you do other than distance yourself and sulk? the depth of your feelings overwhelmed you, and the only way you knew how to cope was to retreat, watching from the sidelines as she blossomed without you.

you stopped tagging along, visited her house less often, and dismissed more than half her efforts to see you because every time you spent time with her, your heart ached. you saw the stars in her eyes, and it felt like you were some meteor drifting away from her, destined to lose her light.

and besides, you would soon be distant from her physically as well. it was inevitable with your dad’s new job, which promised to support you and your mom much better. the move would take you a continent away, so what was the point of getting closer? it seemed wiser to start distancing yourself now, to make ripping the bandaid off less painful. 

of course, this didn’t go unnoticed. hanni grew increasingly confused as to why you were being so distant. was it something she did? were you having trouble? what was going on with you? she wanted to talk to you about it, but you always pushed her away, no matter how hard she tried. even when she managed to get you to open up just a little, it never provided a clear answer. frustrated and hurt, she began to distance herself as well, finding it hard to connect with someone who now seemed so different. she began to spend more time with her other friends, always feeling like something had been missing with each outing.

she just wanted her y/n back, but it felt like the y/n she had known had transformed into someone so foreign that she couldn’t even tell if it was really you anymore.

before she could do anything about the rift, just wanting you back again as her friend and the person who made her heart do jumps in her chest, you had to break the news to her.

hanni remembers it all so clearly, seeing you at her doorstep for the first time in at least a month without any warning before. even with everything that had happened between the two of you, she was happy that you were there in front of her.

“y/n, hi.” a small smile immediately graces her lips, she’s relieved. she looks up at you a bit, you’ve always been taller, but with all the distance and lack of time to be around you, it seemed that you had grown a bit more than she had thought. “what are you doing here?”

your expression is stone cold, with a little hint of hurt and regret. “i’m leaving tomorrow.”

“what do you mean? on vacation or something?”

“korea, hanni. my dad got a good job there, we’re moving.”

“y/n, what are you saying? it’s only for a little while, right?” her brows crinkle, she tries to read your face, praying that this is a joke. “right?”

you don’t answer.

“y/n, how long have you– when did you find this out?”

“six months ago.” you mutter bluntly. “i just, didn’t want you to be so surprised when i wouldn’t be in school.”

her voice cracks and you almost crack too. “y/n, you’re fucking lying to me right now. are you serious? and you spent those eight months talking to me three times a month max?”

for the first time, you look her in the eye, then mumble, “i’m sorry.”

“y/n, how could you just drop this on me? we have to– when will i see you again?”

“i don’t know hanni, but you’ll get over it.” hanni is shocked by the slight tone of anger in your voice. “you have all these friends and people who admire you, why do you care so much about me? just get over it.”

“you’re fucking kidding. get over you? y/n, you think i can just do that like this?” she snaps her finger to emphasize her words. you flinch. “is this why you’ve been avoiding me? because you’re jealous that i have more friends than you? you pushed me away because i had friends?”

“you’re calling me a loser?” her wording makes you scoff. “i didn’t know you could be so fucking rude.”

“that’s not what i meant y/n,” she pauses, her expression softening. “you know what i meant, i just–”

“i do know what you mean. fuck this hanni, you’ll be rid of me anyway.” you spit, then turn around. hanni walks after you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back. “what the hell do you want?”

her eyes shine from tears starting to line her eyes, she looks at you desperately. “y/n, please don’t leave.” her grip tightens. “please, i can’t lose you.”

hanni remembers watching you gulp, seeing a split second of regret, sorrow, anger, and everything in between flash across your face. “i’m sorry.”

she recalls crying for hours on end, trying to text you apologies and heartfelt messages, begging you to see her just once more. you tried desperately to ease the amount of hurt hanni would feel throughout those eight months, but it only made it worse. the more you distanced yourself, the more she felt the sting of your absence, and your efforts to protect her heart only seemed to break it further.

–

she stares at you, frozen in place. your features are the same, just matured and even more appealing. her eyes trace the curve of your nose, the shape of your eyes, and down to your lips—the lips she used to stare at for a bit too long back when you would fall asleep in her bed years ago. it's you, there’s no doubt about it. she knows you like the back of her palm even if years have passed. 

you’re taller now, much taller, by at least eight or ten centimeters. you almost tower over her, your height a testament to the years you've spent playing basketball. the way your eyes narrow gives her that same feeling you had given her years prior. you still have that same intensity she always found endearing, and it washes over her in a wave of emotions.

“y/n,” she practically breathes out. “you’re– you’re here.”

your jaw tightens as you stare down at her, ignoring the sweat drop that falls off the end of your chin. 

there are goosebumps forming as you stare back, realizing that after years of trying to forget the face you admired the most for so much of your life—years of convincing yourself you could live normally even when thoughts of her crossed your mind—you thought you'd be fine if you ever ran into her again. you believed you had moved on, even after the big argument and the years of forcing resentment, but that's not the case.

far from it, because hanni looks even prettier than she did back then, her features more mature yet still warm and achingly familiar. her eyes are as bright as ever, still holding that wonder and curiosity despite how poorly you treated her with your sudden news and departure. 

as you meet her gaze again after all these years, you feel the world stop spinning beneath your feet. she's stunning, more beautiful than ever, and it takes your breath away.

you force yourself to stop gazing and look over to haerin, rubbing the sweat off your face and mumbling, “i have to go, my aunt expects me back.” before you pat her on the shoulder and hurry off, leaving hanni’s whole world shaken up.

haerin just nods, then looks back at the shorter girl. “what’s up with you, do you know y/n?”

“um, yeah.” hanni says simply, still watching you while you walk towards the girls locker room. you turn back to glance at her and hanni feels her heart sink. “we knew each other in middle school.”

“oh really? she used to live around here?”

hanni hums.

and she’s back now, leaving and returning with no fucking warning. 

–

you spent the rest of the evening and night (really until you fell asleep) thinking of hanni. of course she still lived in town, she was never far from your aunt anyway.

moving back to where you grew up allowed thoughts of hanni and your past to resurface. the chance of running into her wasn’t too high, or low for that matter. you lived with your aunt, just a twenty-minute bus ride from your old house—the house filled with memories you had pushed down and shoved away for the sake of your sanity.

the whole reason you moved back was because the schools here were better, and you genuinely preferred your hometown to the overwhelming city. the academic life here was better, less overwhelming, and all your favorite spots—restaurants, cafes, parks, and other places you’d wander off to back then—were conveniently located here. what made it even better was that your favorite basketball court was just a short five-minute walk from your new home, perfect for cooling down and improving your skills during practice.

you had thought moving here would be great, even if you ran into hanni, because you believed you had moved on from her. it stung a bit more now that you actually had ran into her, but at least you didn’t share any classes or lunches with her, and you hadn’t seen her in the hallways after a week at the new school. so what if you both attended the same place? things were still going your way. 

the counselor sits you down and slides you a paper. you quirk a brow looking at it. 

“what’s this?”

“miss l/n, i’m afraid they’ve messed up transferring the credits you had in korea, so we had to rearrange your classes and drop your courses for others. i apologize for the trouble, but it’s for the sole purpose of graduating.” she explains, then points to your paper. “if it makes you feel better, these classes are much easier than the ones you had previously. it’s all going to work out in the end.”

you huff as you review each change. now, you have two free periods, which is a definite plus compared to your packed schedule before. the order of your classes has completely shuffled, except for two classes—thankfully, at least those will be easy to find. on top of that, your homeroom has changed, which you don't mind at all, especially since the previous teacher had greeted you with the nastiest glare upon your arrival.

there’s nothing you can do to change it anyway, you’re just trying to graduate and get direct admission into the university downtown at the end of it all. if your schedule is changed in order for that to happen, then so be it.

“thank you.”

“the classes that changed are all upstairs, so the constants are still down on the first floor. your lunches have changed too, but you can sort that out easily with the teachers. i hope it’s not too much for you.”

you wave your hands in the air. “it’s fine, really. i’ll just get going then, thank you.”

–

it is everything but fine.

the bell had already rung, the halls were empty for the most part, and had just made your way upstairs. you find room 242 after searching for at least two minutes, your base physics class got dropped so now you’re taking advanced honors environmental sciences, unfortunately. 

after knocking twice on the door, it’s opened by a middle-aged man around two centimeters taller than you. he greets you warmly, “ah, you must be the transfer? miss l/n, is that right?”

“yes, that’s me. y/n l/n.”

“great, come on in. we’ve just started, but i can help fill you in.”

“thanks.” 

you walk in and clutch the strap of your bag with one hand. every head turns to face you, each classmate clearly intrigued by the newcomer—by you.

“ah, right. i’m mr. wei, why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?”

“oh, um.” you clear your throat, looking down at some random desk as you begin, “my name is y/n l/n, it’s nice to meet you all.”

looking up, you meet someones eyes in the second row, and of course it’s no one other than hanni pham, her eyes widened slightly. her brows furrow just barely at the sight of you and it makes you bite down on your teeth.

“alright, you take that empty seat by the window next to minji. could you raise your hand minji?”

a girl with dark hair raises her hand, seated directly behind hanni. your shoulders sink slightly, but you push down any feelings and walk over to take the seat. thankfully, there isn’t much commotion. sure, you’re new and everyone’s curious about you, but it’s just a tuesday morning and everyone has other concerns. and you? you have to focus on sitting behind her.

you set your bag down and sit next to minji, offering her a small smile before turning your attention to the board.

hanni fights the urge to glance back at you. she considers asking minji for a pen as an excuse, but hanni always has her own writing supplies and minji would likely brush off her request, making her feel foolish in front of you. she sighs softly, forcing her gaze to stay fixed on the front of the room, struggling to pay attention despite you sitting right behind her.

“did they mess up your schedule?” minji asks you quietly as mr. wei starts his lesson. “they do that with a lot of new kids.”

“oh, yeah. i wanted direct admission to the uni, ador has a lot of good programs for what i want to pursue so…”

“ohhhh,” minji nods, then picks up her pen. “yeah, a lot of the advanced honors kids are doing that, everyone here is actually.”

that means hanni falls into that. “oh, really?”

“well, most.” minji shrugs. “anyway, before he starts actually teaching; i’m minji, nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you too.”

she smiles and slides her notebook. “we’ve had a few lessons prior, so if you need notes or anything just snap a picture.”

“thanks, i appreciate it.”

“it’s nothing, you’ll get the hang of it.”

hanni hears the whole exchange happening behind her, and she desperately wants to join in. there's nothing she wants more than to talk to you again, maybe even steal a glance at you for a little longer. it's been so long, and there are so many unanswered questions. hanni can't even tell if you're real or just a figment of her imagination. the longing to reconnect is almost overwhelming, but she hesitates, unsure of how you would react after all this time – unsure of how she’ll be talking to you again.

–

it turns out that hanni is in every single class that has changed, so ⅔’s of your classes. it was surely something to see her face everytime you had to introduce yourself to everyone in every class. however, minji and a few girls from your team had also been in each class, so it was good to know that you weren’t fully singled out.

minji makes an attempt to invite you over to sit with her at lunch, but once you see hanni at her table, you quickly make up an excuse. 

“oh sorry, the girls on the basketball team wanted to talk to me more about um, our plays…” you poke your tongue at your cheek. “but maybe another time?”

“oh that’s chill, don’t worry about it! another time is great, i’ll see you back at class then!”

you force a smile, aware of hanni's gaze following you as you walk over to where haerin, yunjin, and rei sit.

minji settles down in front of hanni, waiting for hyein and danielle to join as she pulls out her lunchbox. taking a bite of her chicken and rice, minji glances over at you before turning back to hanni. "the new girl seems pretty nice, huh?"

"i guess," hanni mumbles, chin resting on her palm with her lower lip slightly protruding.

of course, you end up in every class with hanni, and naturally, you sit next to her best friend in each one. despite the circumstances, you find yourself avoiding her just like before. it’s frustrating.

“you got something against her?” minji jokes, not expecting hanni to let out a big sigh.

“i don’t know.” she starts, watching you smile at haerin. “we knew each other in middle school, but she can barely look at me.”

minji stops chewing. “really?”

"yeah, you can still talk and be friends with her!" she catches herself and raises her hands in defense. "i think she's great, i mean, we just... drifted apart."

"aw, it happens though. you sure i can talk to her though? like, certain?"

"yeah, it's no big deal, really." hanni resents you for making her cry for four hours straight that day, but deep down, she knows you're a sweetheart. she could never hate you, and she wouldn’t do anything to prevent you from simply having a social life. "it's nothing."

"alright, whatever you say," minji says, then pulls out another bag from her backpack. "yo, i brought some bread from the bakery."

hanni's pondering is interrupted, and her eyes light up when minji holds out the small paper bag with her favorite milk bun inside. she eagerly grabs it and smiles with her teeth, causing minji to snicker and roll her eyes.

you catch the whole thing in the corner of your eye, absentmindedly smiling. 

–

“niiice one y/n!” your coach claps his hands after you land a half-court shot with ease. “alright, that’s it for the day! back and forth across the court ten times and you’re free to go. good job everyone, make sure to rest up for the game tomorrow! be here by 4:30, got it girls?”

“yes coach!” the team says in unison. 

you run a hand through your slightly damp hair before deeply inhaling. yunjin finds you and you smile tiredly at her, the two of you meet at one end of the court and start to run. by the time you’re done, you’re chuckling at how tired yunjin is as you recover.

“the hell are you laughing at?” she says in between breaths, “you’re no better than i am right now.”

she’s right, you’re both drained and beat from practice, but it really makes everything funnier than it is in the moment.

you’ve settled in well after nearly a month, getting closer with the basketball team and even branching out to meet their friends (all thanks to yunjin, who had a bit of a reputation and popularity, and an additional soft spot for you). you weren’t popular like yunjin or anything of that sort, but you were content with where you were.

minji had also started talking to you more, and the two of you had gotten pretty close, even hanging out after school before your practices. she occasionally caught you at her parents' bakery too, often mingling with you while you had a pastry in your mouth. though minji was still a bit confused about the tension between you and her best friend hanni, it didn’t trouble her too much. you kept to yourself, and really, you were a very calm, sweet person.

the next day, minji catches you in between classes. you’re grabbing something from your locker when you feel a tap on your shoulder, turning around to see her.

“game day?”

“oh, yeah.” you answer as you shuffle through your bag. “you coming?”

“i was going to go with my group.” minji’s group consisting of hanni, you take note of that. “haerin never really says anything about the games, but we love to support her. hyein also wants to watch you play.”

you giggle and close the locker door. “the underclassman?”

“yeah. don’t tell her i told you but she’s kind of a fangirl.”

“of me?”

“yeah, she thinks you’re sick.”

another laugh leaves your lips, now you’re walking over to class with minji. “well, i’m not against making another friend.”

“pftt, she’s something though.” minji jokes. “how about two friends?”

“two?”

“i think you and hanni would be good friends, you know?” you almost freeze on the spot. “she told me you guys drifted in middle school, maybe you guys can mingle again, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

your whole body tenses as you walk through the classroom door. you spot hanni sitting next to yunjin, her eyes meeting yours the moment you enter. you quickly look back at minji, shrugging and trying your best to play off your hesitation.

"doesn't sound bad at all, why not?" you say, forcing a casual tone into your voice.

little did you know, minji had something up her sleeve. while you set your bag down and pull out your history notes, she walks over to hanni. minji looks at hanni intensely, then glances at you. ever since she heard about the vague fallout between you and hanni, she had been itching to know more—and possibly rekindle the old spark. it wasn't like anything bad had happened between you two (she assumes); people grow apart, but they can also find their way back to each other.

you glance at hanni before class starts, not expecting her to already be looking at you. as soon as you two make eye contact, hanni turns away, picking up her pencil. 

– 

minji manages to convince—more like drag—hanni out of her house and into her car. haerin has a basketball game against the rival school, so hanni is basically obligated to go. to be fair, why would she complain about seeing haerin run up and down the court and smugly smile when their team scored a point? it was fun to see haerin in her zone, and hanni always enjoyed the excitement of the games.

but this time it was different, with you in the starting lineup and being the new star on the court. 

she sat on the uppermost level of the bleachers with hyein and minji beside her. hyein had linked her arm with hers, cheering on for haerin. 

hanni’s eyes are glued to you most of the time. it’s not her fault you had control of the ball so often, scoring here and there. she couldn’t keep her eyes off you even when you weren’t actively playing; you could be watching the ball or assessing the situation while your teammates defended, and hanni would still be looking at you. while you had been on the sidelines temporarily, she noticed how the sweat made your skin glisten, and hanni wondered what had happened over the four years for you to develop such toned arms and athletic shoulders. you looked strong and confident, a far cry from who she remembered.

“hanni, you know the ball is on the other side of the court, right?” hyein nudges the older girl, then looks in the direction that hanni is looking. “seems like someone caught your eye.”

hanni shoves hyein over. “stop that.” she scoffs. you take your eyes away from yunjin after she scores, then your eyes meet hanni’s, and hanni pauses in place momentarily before looking over to yunjin.

you narrow your eyes at her, biting the inside of your lip.

–

the phone in your pocket rings, you fish it out to see minji’s contact name on your screen.

“hey?”

“where are you?”

“oh, locker room.”

“meet me at the front of the school after! i have a cookie and friends.”

you laugh before answering, “right, thanks minji. give me five.”

after rinsing your face with some cold water and dabbing off the sweat on your neck, you strip out of your jersey and throw a hoodie over. yunjin slaps you on the back on the way out and you wince, shooting her a glare – which only makes her laugh more.

you walk out the entrance and look around for your friend, eyes lighting up when you see her with her own respective group. haerin is already tehre, when she spots you she waves. when hanni sees you though, she looks hesitant. 

“hi.” you greet. “did you guys enjoy the game?”

“you won! how could we not?” an unfamiliar girl says. the girl looks younger, but she’s taller than the rest of the bunch. “i’m hyein by the way!”

“ohh hyein, minji mentioned you.” you giggle before adding, “didn’t know you’d be towering her.”

the bunch laughs – hanni smiles at the remark – and so do you.

“anyway, i’d love to stay and talk but i need to be home soon.”

danielle tilts her head and asks, “where are your keys?”

“oh, i’m walking.”

“dude,” minji says in disbelief. “after running up and down the court that much? no way man. i can give you a ride.”

waving your hands in the air frantically, you assure, “no, no. it’s fine, i mean, more cardio for me.”

“you’re getting in my car bro.”

and now you find yourself in minji’s car after she convinced hyein—the only person close to her height—to drag you along. you couldn’t argue with hyein; she’s young, and the little pout she gave you was enough to make you relent.

that’s how you end up in the backseat with hanni.

hyein called shotgun, and you weren’t going to argue, especially since minji dropping you off was a last-minute decision. but if you had known you’d be bundled up with hanni alone in the backseat (danielle decided to tag along with haerin, avoiding the tension), you would’ve found a way to avoid this whole situation. to make matters worse, some random, very heavy box was taking up a seat, leaving you and hanni with no space in between. just your luck.

the youngest grabs minji’s phone and plays some random pop song, eagerly humming along. 

“yo, type in your address.” minji tilts down the mirror above and looks at you through it, raising a brow. hyein hands you the phone and you manage to brush arms with hanni as you reach over. 

hyein turns up the volume after you hand her the phone back. your place is less than ten minutes away, but it feels ten minutes too long.

you try your best to cope with the tension in the air, and hanni does too. she’s angled toward the window—away from you—and you’re sitting in the middle seat, trying to focus on the road. minji turns a little too aggressively at one point, causing you to lean against hanni, making you both blush equally.

“sorry,” you mumble.

“it’s fine,” hanni replies, her voice still as sweet as you remember. it's still as soft and reassuring when she quietly adds, “minji’s not the best at driving sometimes.”

as soon as she says that, minji’s back to driving straight ahead. you can’t help but laugh softly, unable to fight it. “it’s not too bad,” you say, feeling a little of the tension ease with the shared moment of humor.

neither of you share anything else after that, the silence squeezing you two. 

when minji reaches your place and parks in front of it, hanni has to get out so you can. as you step out, you make eye contact with her, and something electric runs up your spine. you watch her climb back into the car, her gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before she settles back into her seat. 

minji rolls down the drivers side window. “oh yeah, here’s your cookie.” she says, “see you next week! enjoy your weekend!”

“you too!” you respond, then peek at hyein. “nice meeting you hyeinie, can’t wait to see you around.”

her mouth opens before she smiles at you, teeth and all. “yeah, me too!”

even hanni rolls down her window, catching you by surprise. your eyes widen just a little when you see her looking at you, smiling. 

“good game y/n, you’re really good.”

you inhale, then breathe out your response, “thanks.” and purse your lips into a smile.

minji waves once more before driving away, and you head inside. no one is home yet, so you quickly drop your bag off in your room, head to the bathroom to clean yourself up after being sweaty for over two hours, and finally flop onto your bed once everything is done. the encounter with hanni replays in your mind, the tension and awkwardness still lingering as you try to relax and unwind.

hanni lingers in your mind, she’s always been in the back of it anyway.

you don't know if it's even possible to become friends with her again. it's what you really want, but can you even achieve that? you're avoiding her left and right, failing to hold eye contact or maintain a conversation with her for more than three seconds. yet, the fact that she had initiated the interaction this time, even adding something lighthearted in the car, sparks something within you. every small moment between you two, however insignificant it seems, ignites a huge feeling inside of you. it’s a confusing mix of hope and fear, leaving you wondering if there's a chance to mend what was broken. it’s all your fault anyway -- basically.

–

“alright everyone, please settle down.” mr. wei says. he claps his hands and looks as happy as ever. “i have an important announcement! so as you know, we a big project this year. i’m going to introduce it today and give you a small rundown. oh! and by the way, this project is worth half your grade.”

as you sigh, you catch hanni in the corner of your eye, putting her head down in defeat and muttering a small “fuck.” in response to the news. 

“i’m going to give you all the rubric and your assigned partners.”

“what?” jake groans, “c’mon, why can’t we choose? what if my partner doesn’t do shit?”

“that’s something coming from you mr. sim.” sim jaehyun has a known record for paying people to do his work, plus, he’s not the brightest. the only thing he’s known for is being nice on the eyes and a great point guard. “i’m assigning the partners because you all are graduating this year. in the future, most of the time you won’t have a choice. got it?”

the class falls silent, you close your eyes and sigh again. 

just get it over with.

“now, you’ll be given time to discuss various topics regarding environmental science. our main concern is human impacts on our environment, got it? please discuss positive and negative impacts that you can analyze and present to the class, alright! there’s a special part of this project that i know you will all look forward to, so please keep this in the back of your mind for the next month.”

minji nudges you and you hum. she leans closer to you, eyes still on the board, then mumbles, “i really hope i don’t get jake.”

“same. with districts coming up i’d rather die than have him as my partner. his brain isn’t working unless it’s basketball that’s mentioned, he’ll yap my ear off.”

your seatmate chuckles and looks at jake, then back at you. “and you’re not any better?”

“basketball is just a hobby, this chemistry grade is worth more my time and effort, don’t be ridiculous.”

she rolls her eyes and refocuses her attention on mr. wei, who has finally found the paper listing each pair. anxiety churns in your stomach as you wait for him to read the names. you really hope you're not paired with jake—or any of his friends. the thought of working with them sounds worse than nails scratching a chalkboard.

“right, jaehyun, since you’re so eager to know who you’re with, let’s start with you.” mr. wei looks up from the paper, narrowing his eyes at the cocky guy. “you’ll be paired with soobin.”

you catch danielle and hanni in front of you locking eyes, fighting back snickers. the two cover their mouths with their hands and exchange a knowing conversation through countless gestures, shoves, and widening of eyes. their silent communication is filled with amusement, and you don’t know enough about soobin to understand what they’re so entertained by.

“right, minji and danielle.” he adds, you hear a relieved sigh from minji as soon as he says it. danielle turns around and smiles brightly, grabbing minji’s hands and shaking them excitedly. 

“yunjin and kazuha… minjeong and jimin… anton and sungchan…”

he goes down the list, pausing to put on his reading glasses to read the last few pairs, until he gets to the final one.

“and finally, hanni and y/n.”

you freeze, your breath catching in your throat as mr. wei sets the paper down. of course this would happen; you managed to transfer to the same school as hanni and now you're partnered with her on the biggest project of the year.

hanni turns her head to look at you, her expression unreadable. you lock eyes for a moment, the awkwardness hanging thick in the air, before you shift your gaze out the window, your palm pressing against your cheek as you rest your head on it.

mr. wei claps his hands and smiles brightly. “right! so,” he begins, looking around the room. most of the class seems content with their pairings, some look like the world has just ended, and others are simply dealing with it —you fall into this last group. “as you can tell, you’ve all been partnered with someone of the same gender. this isn’t an accident, you’ll find out eventually. our school has partnered with a research facility and set up a little trip in the spring—in a few months—in order to contribute to these studies and potentially find solutions to current environmental problems. i’d like you all to keep in contact with your partners and brainstorm until next tuesday. please come back to me with a valid research topic. now, let’s start our lesson, shall we?”

hanni can’t lie; she’s thrilled to be put in this nerve-racking situation. sure, she’s a little very terrified of you, considering your whole demeanor and the past you share, but she’s been wanting to at least have something normal again, maybe make the tension lighter. there’s still a part of her that resents you, but you were both fourteen then—things have changed.

(for the better, hanni hopes.)

–

you feel a tap on your shoulder as you walk down the hallway. your mind is blank until you take your earbuds out, and then you turn around, tilt your head down, and meet hanni.

“hi.”

“hey.”

the two of you stand there awkwardly, she scratches her pointer finger with her thumb (just like how she did when you two were younger, it seems her habits weren’t grown out of), then hands you her phone.

(“youll scratch your skin off,” you quickly pull her hand towards you, slapping it lightly. “stop that”

“hey! i’m nervous…”

“you’ll be fine hanni.” you assure her, putting your hands on her shoulders. “i know you’ll be, trust me.” she feels your hands cup both cheeks, squishing them subtly.

you’re both twelve, hanni has a microphone in one hand, and her other is restrained by yours. the two of you had practiced for two weeks to prepare for this moment. almost every day, you spent an hour or two in hanni’s room, which was littered with posters of her favorite bands and paintings you had made for her. you would strum your guitar while hanni sang with that pretty voice of hers, the two of you lost in the melody of 'baby I'm yours' by the artic monkeys without a worry about the talent show coming up

but hanni is worrying now, more than you somehow and she’s always been so out there.

your thumbs graze her skin and you look at her with a strange softness in her eyes. hanni still doesn’t know if it was because she was nervous, but in that moment, she felt her cheeks burning. 

“your voice is so pretty and you’re pretty and amazing and i know everyone in the crowd would love it and love you! i could listen to you all day hanni, when they hear you they’ll be so amazed.”

“what if i mess up? what if i ruin it for the both of us and-”

you pinch her cheeks and shake your head. “stop. hanni pham i know you, you’ll do great. if you mess up, i’ll mess up with you, alright?”

she purses her lips together, nervousness evident in her eyes. you smile reassuringly at her, and her tension eases as she sees your grin turn toothy. the warmth in your expression gives her the confidence she needs.

“ugh, fine! let’s get it over with… my mom said she’ll drive us to get ice cream after anyway…”

“okay! c’mon, everyone is waiting for hanni pham and her guitarist.”

“you mean my lovely y/n?” twelve year old you didn’t know why that made you so giddy. you rolled your eyes at her and held her hand on the way to the stage.

the memory replays vividly in your mind. everyone's expressions were etched with amazement after hearing hanni sing the first line of the song you two practiced, their smiles widening as hanni dragged you up to sing along with her. this simple act unlocks a core memory: the two of you going home with a special trophy and celebrating with ice cream.

for some reason, you also remember the innocent little kiss on the cheek she gave you before you were dropped off too.)

you’re shaken out of thought after hanni begins again, “i just thought that, um, since we’re partners… you know– we should keep contact.” she swallows lightly before asking, “could i get your number?”

“oh, yeah.” hanni watches you silently type your number in, then send a text to yourself. the buzz (heard only because of how dead silent it is in the hall) is faint, but indicates that you haven’t faked her out. “i’ll text you later, i have practice soon.”

“oh yeah, practice, yeah. basketball.” you force yourself not to smile as she responds. “yes, you have fun with that, sorry, yeah. i’ll text you? i can look over some stuff and you can branch off.”

“that sounds good, my practice ends at four today, in case you needed to know.”

“yeah, okay, yup.” she says, “i’ll get going, sorry.”

“don’t be,” you assure. she watches you open your mouth, hesitate, then add quietly, “ever.”

—

[xxx xxx xx09] 4:30pm hi! this is hanni are you free tomorrow?  i searched up some topics but wanted to go over it with you if you don’t mind of course!

[y/n] 5:02pm sorry, i stayed after to help clean and practice i can meet you after practice?  i should be completely done no later than four

[hanni] 5:03pm that’s fine!

hanni cringes as she hits send. she thinks to herself: too much energy? 

[hanni]  5:03pm minji’s bakery isn’t too far, it has good ambience and wifi is that okay?

[y/n] 5:28pm that’s fine

[hanni] 5:28pm great! see you then

embarrassingly enough, hanni continues to check her phone for a response, but each time she gets the same thing: nothing. it isn’t until three hours pass that she finally sees you’ve left her on read.

she huffs.

she feels stupid, considering you left her in the dust, then came back with no warning, and yet, all of that doesn’t sting as much as getting left on read. it’s silly, hanni thinks, but you couldn’t have sent something back? or at least reacted to her message? she groans in frustration and tries to focus on reviewing her chemistry notes, but thoughts of you keep interrupting her concentration.

–

you find hanni seated near the window, her back facing you, and you spot a latte beside her laptop. the kim's bakery isn’t too busy right now, thankfully, so it’s not a hassle or long wait to buy a small americano before you meet up with her.

hanni’s head perks up cutely when you sit down in front of her.

“oh, you’re here. you should’ve texted me.”

“sorry.” you begin to unpack your bags. “i got lost in thought on the way.” you don’t mention what you had been thinking of exactly, because that will only strengthen the elephant in the room.

“right, yeah, okay.” another moment of silence passes before hanni lights up. “ah! the ideas, yeah, hold on. i shared a doc with you, i hope you got it.”

“i was looking at it on the way here.”

“mhm, so what do you think?”

“i think a lot of them are pretty popular, i feel like jake and his little group will end up doing something about trash in the environment since it’s simple. i think the water quality one is good though, what about you?”

hanni nods. “i mean yeah, i was pushing the trash ones to the side. i wanted to do endangered species and really just anything regarding animals, but danielle and minji were already looking at it as soon as they had the chance. my second option was the water quality.”

“we’re on the same track, that’s good.” you sip on your coffee. “let’s research water quality then? maybe in the area for now.”

“yeah, that’s good.”

nothing else is said, nothing else needs to be said before you two get to work. there’s the occasional glance when one doesn’t think the other is looking, the small sips of coffee, and all of it is so distracting – each breath, unspoken words, really just whatever hangs in between the two of you. she lets you press a key one more time before breathing in.

“how have you been?”

you almost choke. “what?”

“how have… you been…?” her brows turn up as she clarifies.

“good.”

“that’s good.”

“yeah.”

“yeah.”

hanni wants to pack up her bag, throw it at the window so the glass shatters, and escape the feeling that overwhelms her. “how was korea?”

you poke the inside of your bottom lip. “exhausting… i missed it here.”

“yeah, it’s great here.”

“yeah.”

“what about you?” you ask, and for some reason, you don’t really want to know the answer. you’re unsure if your heart can take it.

“me?” she tilts her head, then coughs. “oh, yeah, me. um, i’ve been you know… alright.”

i’m so sorry. you want to say it, but can’t bring yourself to. there’s a grudge you’re holding, you can’t seem to loosen up and let go. plus, you don’t trust yourself not to break down. 

“is student government any fun?”

“sometimes, that’s until we have to do real stuff.”

“didn’t you… sign yourself up?”

“it’s to make my record look good, i was never good at sports like you.” she sighs as she leans against her chair. “i don’t even have the height for it.”

you fail to hold back a snicker, hanni pushes out her bottom lip in response.

(“y/n it’s too high.”

“that doesn’t matter, i’m like, three centimeters taller! just steady the ball and push out your hand.”

hanni sighs, staring at you like you’re an idiot. in this memory, you're both twelve, all battered up from running around all day. somehow, you’ve convinced her to spend time with you at the school’s courts.

the hoops are short enough for primary school kids, but still too tall for hanni. you’d tease her for not catching up to the others as you grew, and she’d respond with a punch to your shoulder each time. despite your relentless teasing, she’d always spend time with you on the court because she loved you more than her other friends. honestly, there was no other friend that compared to you at the time. 

you step behind her and fix her form, adjusting her hands with yours. she gets all nervous and almost elbows you, trying to cover it by yelling at you, “that tickles!” but what really tickled – or at least made her feel all weird and tingly in a similar way – was the turn in her stomach.)

“i mean, you’ve grown.”

“you’ve grown. how tall are you even?”

“i don’t know… like, more than 170? something tall.”

“don’t boast.” hanni groans.

you chuckle. “don’t be jealous?”

the bickering is the same, but bittersweet. you two laugh until it’s a little too strange to laugh, the feeling in the air shifts again, you wish it’d stay at a constant of something nearing neutral or comfortable for more than a minute.

looking out the window, you spot an elderly couple strolling past. you begin again, “it’s good to see you again.”

“is it?” hanni questions, tone laced with genuine surprise and a small hint of disbelief, some bitterness too. “it’s a surprise to see you here.”

“school life there wasn’t too nice to me.”

“oh.” 

“yeah.” you take another sip of your coffee. “at least they had good coffee near the campus.”

hanni just giggles, what else can she do? her smile dies down as she continues to get to work, and you look at her through your lashes before doing the same.

little do you know, minji observes the conversation from afar. she stands behind the espresso machine, watching you and hanni smile at each other and laugh occasionally. unaware of the tension, your past, or any details, she notices a strange chemistry between you two. the more minji watches, even as you both study, the more she considers that you might look better as something more than just friends.

maybe that’s why you two had been so timid and distant, minji predicts that it’s a mutual attraction that has you two nervous to talk to each other. 

minji conjures up little scenarios and possibilities in her head. maybe you had seen hanni for the first time and been so starstruck by her; after all, many people have fallen for her sweet and outgoing nature, not to mention she’s prettier than most. or perhaps hanni had been in awe after seeing you on the court, and minji couldn’t deny that you were easy on the eyes (even minji caught herself looking at you sometimes, but out of admiration). plus, you had a mysterious quality at times—a trait that a lot of people find alluring. both you and hanni have people turning heads, so it wouldn’t be impossible.

hyein would love the sound of this. one corner of her lips turn up as she thinks about the underclassman.

maybe it was love at first (after a long time) sight, or maybe you had a meet-ugly? the possibilities swirl in minji’s mind as she observes the interactions between you and hanni, wondering about the nature of your relationship and what could potentially blossom between you two. 

she shakes her head, hiding behind the espresso machine again when she notices you packing up. you send hanni a sweet smile and start to walk in minji’s direction. the older girl pretends to be busy cleaning something up, and thankfully, you don’t notice her presence as you leave.

[senior citizens and the caretaker]

[minji] hanni

[hanni] ??? i can see you from where i’m at

[minji] you were with y/n? surprising

[hanni]  we started researching topics we literally?? are in the same class?? w the same project?? and r partners??

[minji] right… and giggling and laughing and…  yk

[hanni]  are you crazy u r so delusional

[hyein] hanni and y/n??? proof or it didn’t happen

[minji] attachment: 1 image

hanni’s eyes widen when she sees a picture of her and you (zoomed in and botched quaility) smiling at each other. the shorter girl walks over to where minji is immediately, pointing to her screen and confusingly (angrily) asking, 

“the hell is this?”

“that’s what im trying to figure out.”

“bro, you’re so weird.” hanni sighs, then looks at the picture again. you have a cute smile – she tries not to think of that too much. “what the hell would y/n think if she sees this?”

“we’re friends too, you know?”

“yeah but–” her phone buzzes in her hand, cutting her off.

[haerin] study date?

[hanni]  ABSOLUTELYnot. stop DONT ENCOURAGE HER?? kim minji lock your doors.

[danielle] oh wow, she has a pretty smile!

i know. hanni wants to agree, but minji wouldn’t let it go.

[hanni] you guys r so weird omfg anyway, how is your project going?

[hyein] dont change the topic hanni… wuuaahh im so jealous…

[hanni] girl shut up you're like twelve and don’t be

[hyein] you said you already knew her before?  what happened

[hanni] it’s not important gtg

minji looks up from her phone. “and where are you going?”

“home,” hanni mutters, making the older smirk. “away from you at least, and i have to redo my notes for mr. ahn."

“right.”

“i hope your bread molds.” hanni says on the way out, closing the door. seconds later she opens it again, peeking her head through. “i was kidding, by the way. bring me the sweet milk bread tomorrow? thanks love you!”

the older girl rolls her eyes and laughs, going back to her phone to stare at the picture.

minji has nothing better to do, so maybe pushing you two closer wouldn’t be too bad. 

–

you’re so close to dozing off in history, head almost falling off your palm. the class being a requirement is so pointless in your opinion, considering you go over slideshows, take a test, and write a few short responses. rinse and repeat for the whole year – is it really that significant?

with your upcoming game clouding your mind, plus the draining practices, it only makes you drowsier. your eyes feel heavy, your blinking gets slower, and you’re just so done with the class in general.

minji leans her shoulder against you, nudging you awake.

“h-huh…” you mumble sleepily, making the older laugh. “what?” she nudges you again, making you groan. “man what the fuck do you want?” 

“you and hanni.” she raises her brows, unfazed by the anger in your tone. “how’s the project coming along?”

“oh,” you rub your eyes. “we’ve got some good ideas. i think we’re meeting again later.”

“do you like being around her?” you face minji and now she’s looking at you weirdly. “i saw you guys getting along.”

“did you? were you spying on us?” you ask teasingly, nudging her back. “weirdo… but i mean yeah shes… chill.”

“you guys look good together.” 

the way it sounds coming from minji makes you freeze. “what?” you croaked, the response coming out dry and scratchy. you dismiss her with your hand and try to conceal the weird warmth in your cheeks. “what even… where did that even come from.”

“i was taking some orders and saw you two, looks like you both enjoyed each others company.”

“fucking spy…”

yeah, enjoyed running around the big problem you two had in between, that’s for sure. minji’s just oblivious, she hadn’t even heard the conversation or anything, so it shouldn’t get to you. but still, it does. hanni’s pretty, like out-of-this-world-flowers-and-sunlight pretty, and you’ve never really looked at yourself so highly. hanni’s always been out of your league since you first felt tingly around her at the ripe age of ten, it’s really a miracle that she even considered befriending you prior to that.

you set your head on your folded arms and close your eyes. “she’s nice, maybe we’ll be good friends or something. don’t get it mixed up.”

–

hanni watches intently, her eyes glued to how you handle the ball. you dribble past two of your teammates with ease, your movements fluid and precise. for a fleeting moment, your features light up with hope as you take the shot, but they quickly shift into frustration when the ball misses the hoop. she notices you bite the inside of your cheek, a sign of your evident irritation, as you curse softly at yourself.

“take your time y/n, don’t rush.” the coach suggests, you look at him for a split second, your features don’t shift a bit. he claps his hands, then nods. “right, practice over, you know the drill.”

hanni senses disappointment from your expression. she notices the way your jaw tightens, how your fingers ball into a tight fist before you crack them one by one – like how you did years ago. you stare at the ground for at least five seconds, lost in thought, before heading over to yunjin to run with her. as you start moving, the tension in your posture seems to wash away.

she waits until you finish, stealing glances at you from the bleachers. her eyes frequently drift away from her laptop to admire you. hanni has no clue what happened while you were away, but it’s frustrating that you manage to catch her eye so easily. your mannerisms are effortlessly attractive, your poise commanding, and everything about you seems to draw her in.

when you’re finished and headed back to change, she waits outside the gym for you. in a few minutes, you’re met with her, but with stress apparent in your expression.

“y/n, hey.”

“what do you want?” hanni is taken aback by the slight aggression. you cough, biting down on your teeth and retrying. “i– i mean, hi, hey. what’s up?”

“oh, i just worked on the project a bit more, you know, since mr. wei gave us more information i got us a head start. everything is on the doc, yeah.”

“did you stay after to tell me this? you could’ve gone home.”

“i had to do things for student gov, i only waited a few minutes for you, it’s nothing. i watched the end of your practice.”

“you what?” you look offended, almost. turning to the side, you poke the inside of your cheek, then look back at her. “why the hell did you waste your time doing that?”

“hey i– i just, i don’t know? why are you so angry?”

you have no clue why. maybe it’s the lack of sleep and sore feeling in every muscle in your body. you’ve been so tense the past week because of districts, and plus, your performance has been worse. the fact that hanni had seen you perform so poorly makes your blood boil a bit, but you shouldn't be mad. still, you are. shaking your head, you grip your bag tighter, knuckles whitening with the tension. the frustration of your last missed shot and fumbled passes throughout the last few practices sits heavy on your shoulders, mingling with your high standards and (self-imposed) pressure to excel. 

hanni’s presence, witnessing your every mistake, feels like salt in a wound, intensifying your disappointment and how pissed you are in the moment.

she looks at you, narrowing her eyes. “are you okay?”

“it’s nothing.”

“don’t lie in my face,” her tone almost makes you flinch. she steps closer. “what’s going on?”

“hanni, it’s nothing. don’t worry, it’s not your problem so don’t try to make it yours.” you say through gritted teeth.

(you open the door to see hanni, tilting your head when you do. she’s standing there with a frown, looking at you with worry.

“what’s going on?”

“why are you here?”

“you haven’t texted in the past week, and you’ve been avoiding me.”

“it’s nothing.”

“don’t lie to me, we’ve known each other since first grade.”

“why do you even care? just let me be.”

hanni’s noticed your distance, and she’s tried so hard to pry, but you’ve always been able to dodge her like a bullet. you barely have a smile on your face these days. after school, instead of hanging out with her friend group or even with her alone, you’re always at the court or cooped up studying at home. it frustrates her because she knows you don’t even need to study; eighth grade material is a breeze for you. 

the distance is palpable, a barrier she can’t seem to break through no matter how hard she tries. she misses the easy laughter, the way you used to light up around her, your stupid jokes; she misses you. now, it’s like you’ve built an invisible wall, and she can’t find a way to scale it.

“y/n, i miss you. please talk to me, we’ve always talked about things.”

you can’t possibly talk to her, not when you know what you feel is stupid, almost humiliating. how could you spill the fact that you’re jealous she’s spending less time with you, that she’s getting too pretty and lovely? you can't just admit that maybe being friends with her is becoming too hard. there are so many things you want to do with her, so many things you want to tell her that can’t be put into words. you can’t share that your heart beats faster whenever she’s near, or that she’s been on your mind so often lately. you just can’t. 

“i can’t. look, i’m busy. i’ll see you tomorrow.”)

she scoffs, looking at you almost angrily. “we’re not fourteen anymore. stop carrying so much – you’ll explode.”

“you don’t know shit.” the words slip out, taking both you and hanni by surprise. you can’t stand to see her after saying it, so you give her a brief glance, letting her catch the regret in your features before exhaling sharply. “i– i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“y/n–” she breathes out, her voice softer now, almost pleading.

you look down as you walk away, too repentant to look back. each step feels heavier, burdened by the weight of the words you wish you could take back. you wish you could take back a lot, rewind time and restart. you’re vulnerable, some things fail to change.

–

“so, what happened? your text made me shiver.” danielle says, sitting down on the floor next to minji.

their whole friend group has grouped up at hanni’s place, specifically her bedroom because of a sudden “my house. please. quick.” text. they all gather around her, worried and curious.

hanni leans her head against her bed frame, sighing. “y/n and i kind of had an argument. well, she scolded me, that’s more like how it went down.”

“so she got mad at you? what happened? you guys aren’t even that close, so what’s this all about.”

taking a deep breathe in, hanni lets many suppressed memories fade into vision. “i told you guys i knew her before this, like years ago.” she watches her friends nod. “well, we kind of… i mean, we fell off. i don’t know the full reason why, but we had this huge thing.” she pauses her story, reaching under her bed and pulling out an old shoebox.

opening it, hanni shows the group tucked away memories. there are polaroids and childhood pictures, letters, photobooth strips, and knick knacks the two of you had crafted.

haerin gazes at the contents, then pulls out a polaroid and looks at it intensely.

“anyways,” hanni continues, “i mean, i tried to push it aside because i guess it was a while ago and it’s just an elephant in the room between just the two of us. plus, i figured we had changed and grown, but–” hanni groans defeatedly. “i don’t know! i feel like i shouldn’t let it get to me but–”

“okay but what exactly happened?” minji butts in, lost in hanni’s ramble. “details. she scolded you, you two know each other, what else?”

“where do i even start…”

hanni takes a deep breath, her eyes shimmering with the intensity of the memories she is about to share. she begins, her voice steady but laced with nostalgia. "you know, we met when we were just kids. i was new and had zero friends. she was alone too, and i asked her to join me on the monkey bars. i remember being in awe when she made it all the way across and back at the age of six. and since then we were basically inseparable."

her friends listen closely, captivated by the story. hanni’s tone becomes softer as she continues. "y/n was the sweetest person i knew. she was a special friend, you know? i mean we were only kids but i still thought of her a lot even after the whole… thing. i mean, we spent so much time together, just the two of us. i remember those niche, core memories, like when the sun would set and we’d find ourselves tanned and still at the playground. everyday i woke up excited to spend time with her, i can basically remember her being there most of my childhood."

she pauses, her eyes glazing over as she recalls the fondness of those days. "there are so many moments filled with her that defined myself growing up. i feel stupid, really, looking back on childhood memories. like, i should let go right? but every memory made me really happy, and i wonder what it would’ve been like if we had stayed strong until now. i think about it so much now that she’s back, and i thought i had gotten over it. i’m so mature now but it’s like… like a thorn i can’t take out my skin. maybe a scar that can’t heal, that’s a better metaphor.”

her expression shifts, the weight of the past evident on her face. "but then things changed. as we grew older, especially in middle school, y/n started to become distant. i branched out, made new friends, and she... she grew bitter about i i guess? what we had was so different. we were literally attached by the hip and then barely spoke.”

the emotion in hanni’s voice is palpable, her gestures and facial expressions reflecting the heaviness of her heart. she looks at her friends, all listening closely and looking hurt themselves. "we just fell apart. she changed in a way that didn’t benefit either of us. it was like she built a wall around herself, and i couldn’t knock it down.”

her friends sit in silence, absorbing the depth of the story. hanni’s explanation is more than just words; it’s a raw, emotional journey through the ups and downs of a friendship that had meant everything to her, even if it had ended at fourteen.

“and before i knew it she just left.” she adds, thumb scratching her skin. danielle puts a hand over her mouth, looking the most hurt out of the group. “she came to my house one day and said she’d fucking? leave? the day after? a continent away? it’s like she didn’t care about what we had between us.”

“oh hanni, that’s terrible.”

“i know.” hanni picks up a photobooth slip, her shoulders drooping. “i know.”

“how did you put up with her coming back?” hyein questions. hanni sets the picture down, looking down at it from where she sits, still. “as soon as i saw her it’s like everything that had happened to me washed away. i was so fucking out of it – seeing her. she’s so different, like, it caught me off guard and i just pushed aside everything.” hanni starts to blush suddenly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “this is so stupid but, i had a little stupid crush on her growing up too, and then seeing her after so long it just… it’s so stupid. she’s striking now, i can’t believe it. but she was so eager to avoid me when she first saw me so i just… let it be.”

minji hums to herself, thinking deeply on the topic. she scratches her chin as she stares at the photos on the ground. “you guys can’t avoid it forever.”

“i know.” hanni repeats. “i kind of… ugh. we got in this argument because she was being so aggressive and mean all of a sudden, i mentioned that she shouldn’t bottle up things like when she was thirteen. i guess the guilt crashed down on her, she just left. she looked really regretful, i don’t know. i just, i don’t want the tension to be worse than it already is.”

minji raises her brows at hanni. “i think you deserve an apology and explanation.”

“i agree.” danielle chimes in, crossing her arms and pouting. “she’s really nice and sweet, but hanni, hearing what she did? my gosh… that’s just…”

“she probably had her reasons though, it had to be really important for our friendship to literally fall apart. i’m considering that our past kind of has something to do with how she just went all out on me earlier.”

haerin sits quietly, deep in thought about hanni, you, and the situation. she’s always been the quiet one, so she’s really observant and caring nature. plus, she’s usually right. she’s seen hanni’s growing attention and concern for you, but she realizes the timing is off. you’re so caught up in your own head, weighed down by the pressure of districts, and it’s affecting your performance. the stress is becoming a vicious cycle, making you play worse, which only adds to your anxiety. haerin clicks her tongue softly as she pieces it all together, understanding the root of the issue.

“i don’t know why she did that to you when you guys were younger.” haerin begins. the rest of the group looks at her in surprise, but starts to listen immediately. “but i think she was so heated earlier because of districts. coach has been pushing her, she’s been more tired. i don’t think she meant it, she’s a good person.”

“oh.” hanni responds blankly, starting to piece it together.

haerin nods. “she hasn’t really been talking to anyone, and she seems tired these days.” 

minji nods along too. “she almost fell asleep in history in her hand, she could just be cranky.”

“i mean maybe–” hanni pauses when her phone on the floor lights up. she glances at the contact and gasps, picking it up. “it’s her.”

“what?”

“what does it say?” hyein asks, quickling leaning against the older girl in order to see the messages. 

[y/n] sorry can we meet in ten? at kims i want to clear things, if that’s okay i don’t want my project partner upset i’ll be waiting. if you don’t come i understand

hanni sighs, staring at the words on her screen like they’re going to pop out the phone and slap her in the face (or something like that). she shows the rest of the group the texts and haerin is the first to respond.

“go see her.”

“you sure? i don’t know she just–”

“hanni,” haerin looks at her seriously. “don’t make the space in between you two larger.”

the group looks at haerin, considering she’s the second youngest, it’s really impressive that her words hold so much power and weight. hanni hesitates before nodding, starting to type.

–

[hanni] where are you?

your phone buzzes in your hand immediately and you rush to check it, feeling relief wash over when you notice that it’s hanni, and especially when you realize she’s here.

[y/n] i’m not inside side of the building near the lamppost

[hanni] k

you wince at the singular letter, she’s going to rip your head off.

hanni emerges from the side, spotting you tapping your foot up and down and fidgeting with your fingers. she feels like a wet rag being slowly wrung out, her anger dissipating as she takes in your appearance. you’re wrapped in a hoodie and sweatpants, both sitting loosely on you, and your nose is tinted red from the chill of the night. she feels a pang of empathy, her frustration melting away in the face of your vulnerability.

she steps towards you, you perk your head up and sigh out in relief.

“you’re here.”

“i am.” 

the two of you stare at each other for a moment, the silence heavy with unspoken words. you use the time to compose yourself, clearing your deafening thoughts. hanni, meanwhile, takes in your features, admiring silently with an unreadable expression on her face.

“i wanted to clear some things and apologize. not just for earlier but, just– you know.”

“is that so?”

“let’s take a walk, please?”

the two of you would always take walks to clear the air back then, strolling to the outskirts of the neighborhood and back so you could drop one of the other off. those late-night walks used to be calm and relieving, filled with laughter and conversations under the streetlights. now, as you stand before each other, the thought of it feels nerve-racking and unpredictable, weighed down by the tension and the distance that has grown between you. 

you sigh, handing her a small bag and the drink in your hand. “i also bought you some things, it’s the least i could do.”

she takes the bag from your hand and looks inside, fighting back a smile when she notices her favorite milk bread inside. plus, the latte you had given her looks like her favorite. 

“okay, where are we headed?”

“you’ll see.”

the two of you walk in silence, your rehearsed words stuck in your throat, twisting on your tongue whenever they try to escape. you don't look at her, focusing instead on the ground beneath your feet. hanni doesn't push you, occupied with taking bites and sips from what you bought her.

every now and then, she turns her head toward you. sometimes, she catches you already glancing at her, quickly looking away when your eyes meet. other times, she sees you staring intently at the ground, lost in your thoughts. 

putting your hands in your pockets, you start to speak, “i’m the reason there’s a rift between us.”

“yeah, i know.”

“and there’s a reason, but it’s really… personal, kind of. i want to tell you but i really can’t.”

“is that so?”

“yeah.” you breathe out, kicking a rock as you do. “but the most i can do is apologize – for everything I can apologize about. i was so petty back then, i was jealous of your friends sometimes and there were a few times you had already made plans with them and i asked you to hang and you couldn’t and it’s so stupid and i was immature and mad at you for that and i just–”

“y/n, take it slow.”

you gulp. “okay.” she watches you stare ahead and sigh. “i was so insecure and stupid, it resulted in me losing the person i loved most. the worst part of all is that you fought to keep me in your life, and i just ripped myself off you like a leech stuck to your skin. i always cared about you, i still do, there’s nothing that could change that. i knew my actions were hurting you and instead of fixing myself, i thought i knew what was best for you at fourteen and it just… i just hurt you even more.”

“you did.”

“i know.” you look at her for the first time, meeting her eyes dead on. she notices the upturn in your brows, the sincerity in your gaze and tone. “and i’m sorry. i’m sorry for everything. i just want us to be friends again. i can’t lose you now that you’re back in my life. i just want what we had again.”

the words hang in the air, heavy with emotion. your heart races as you wait for her response, hoping she feels the same.

both of your legs continue to carry you down the sidewalk until hanni stops. you halt a step after her, noticing the contemplation on her face. she glances down at her empty bag, then back up at you. her eyes scan your face with an intensity that makes your heart race. you look like a lost puppy, and though it tugs at her heart, she tries to push those feelings aside for now.

your words had pierced her heart, the pain sharp and immediate, but there was also a sense of relief. knowing you don’t hate her makes a difference. she feels the same way; despite the hurt you’ve caused, the effort you’re making to repair your bond warms her heart.

“i do too. i wanted to talk to you again, normally, for a while now.”

“me too, but i hurt you and i felt so guilty.”

“well,” hanni reaches for your hand, holding it in hers. “let’s try our best to start over then, as friends.”

“thank you. i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay, the bread and latte made up for like, thirty percent of it.”

she’s always been good at lifting the mood. you laugh and she giggles too. “if i buy you a few more, would that raise it?”

“how many more and how often are we talking?”

–

the next two weeks go well, thankfully. 

you and hanni spend a significant amount of time together working on the project, each of you discovering different methods to measure water quality with limited equipment and determining the most efficient techniques. as you collaborate, you catch up on lost time, though you remain cautious about revealing too much about yourself. your time abroad had been… rough, and you prefer to keep those memories to yourself. however, it's comforting to hear about hanni's accomplishments, knowing she's built a strong reputation and has many friends that are just as wonderful as her.

often, you find yourself smiling at hanni like you used to. it's a familiar yet unsettling feeling, but you refuse to let it consume you. despite how her smile, voice, and energy make you blush and feel a pleasant dizziness, you resist falling into the same spiral from years ago. you push those feelings down, determined to stay focused on the present. you can’t let it ruin the two of you again. 

besides, you've just had your first district game and it went well. the scores were tight, but you and your team pulled through, boosting your confidence. you can’t let hanni pham's charm shake you up; there's too much on your shoulders—the project, your teammates, and your relationship with her. balancing all of this feels like walking a tightrope, but you’re determined not to fall (again).

hanni, on the other hand, feels like she’s on cloud nine.

you’re still as adorable as ever, still considerate. after your study sessions and project work days, you always offer to spend time with hanni at different bakeries so she can try various breads. you jokingly mention that you’re in debt to her for a lifetime, and in a way, you are – at least until you find the right time to explain why you drifted apart in detail. for now, bread seems to suffice in keeping her from prying too deeply into your past, which feels too serious to delve into casually.

it doesn’t help that hanni has been attending your practices and games, where she takes the time to admire your athletic abilities—and, if she’s honest with herself, you as a whole. she wonders what you went through that made you come back looking even more striking than before (and hotter too, though she tries to keep herself sane).

unfortunately for hanni, her feelings aren’t as discreet as she would like. hyein and minji are quick to notice her lingering glances and teasingly nudge her about her apparent crush on you. they often bring up her past confessions about having a small crush on you back then, though she always brushes it off with a laugh.

“stop, it’s not like that. besides, she’s too busy, it wouldn’t work out.”

hyein whines, grabbing onto hanni’s shoulder. “come oooonnnnn, you want her.”

“yeah when i was like 12-13, and plus, it was so small. i was literally a child.” hanni is lying, she’d look at you like you were the northern lights (something like that), you and her were like two leads in a disney movie. “we’re friends.”

“a friend that you’ve had a crush on?” minji smirks and hanni punches her shoulder. “okay…”

“can you guys shut up! she doesn’t want me.”

“she buys you bread and drinks.”

“she just feels bad!”

“well i guess we’ll see how bad she feels when we go on that trip.”

fuck. hanni thinks. fuck. 

another part of your stupid (yet interesting) project was the fact that you would be thrown into a nature reservation for three days. it was another unexpected twist in your project—being thrown into a nature reserve for three days. mr. wei had dropped the bombshell less than a week before the trip, leaving everyone bewildered. he mentioned it casually, emphasizing its importance for the project, and clarified that each pair would share a room during the stay. the suddenness of it all added an air of anticipation and nervous excitement among the students, but it left you and hanni stiff in your seats.

hanni. sharing a room. with you. (y/n). (y/n). in the same. space. as. hanni. hanni. 

hanni sits with minji and hyein, trying to ignore their knowing looks as she watches you from across the lunchroom. you're smiling amidst the laughter at your table, looking at the team like they’re idiots. suddenly, you turn your head and lock eyes with hanni. there's a pause as you both acknowledge each other, and then hanni awkwardly smiles, which earns a giggle from you. 

caught in that moment, hanni wonders if she can handle being trapped in a room with you if you ever end up giggling like that up close and personal. she doesn’t know if she can handle you up close and personal.

–

you, are up close and personal and hanni somehow manages.

hanni is taken aback when your head leans onto her shoulder during the train ride to the nature reserve. your breathing deepens, and you seem completely at ease, while she tries to maintain composure despite the unexpected closeness. she finds herself conflicted; on one hand, you look delicate and serene with strands of hair falling over your face, making her contemplate whether to brush them away or let them be. 

the realization hits her anew that you're definitely the prettiest girl she knows, a title she's only recently come to acknowledge. unsure of how to handle the situation, hanni slips in her earbud, turning up the volume of the song playing to drown out her racing thoughts.

–

if things haven’t already made hanni at risk of having some type of heart attack, then finding the hotel room and unlocking the door to see one bed definitely makes her prone to some sort of cardiovascular catastrophe. 

you feel yourself go tense, freezing in place as you realize the same thing.

“there’s one bed.” 

hanni looks at you like you’re an idiot. “no shit.”

“is there a mistake?” you check the hotel room number and look at the key in your hand. “it has to be…”

“let me ask the others, you stay here.” hanni says before leaving the room. you look at her with a tilted head, but shake it off, instead opting to look out the window in awe at the view. hanni fishes out her phone and dials minji. the phone rings for a moment before minji picks up, she hums and hanni speaks again, “hey, what room are you in?”

“722, you?”

“610, stay, i’m coming over.”

“what?”

“be there soon.”

minji attempts to respond, but hanni hangs up. she makes a weird sound that has danielle looking at her confused, minji just shrugs. 

a few minutes later, the pair hears a knock at the door. minji walks over, expecting hanni, and standing out her door is – hanni.

“how many beds do you have?” she asks quickly, stepping inside. 

“what happened to hey? hello? how are you?”

hanni ignores her remarks, too distracted by the fact that there’s two beds in minji’s room.

“fuck me.” hanni whispers, then puts a hand in her hair, gripping it. “oh my fucking god.”

“hanni what–”

danielle steps out the bathroom after hearing the commotion. she looks at minji, who looks back at her with the same confusion in her features. “what’s the problem hanni?”

“our room only has one bed.”

minji widens her eyes. “you’re telling me you and y/n are–”

“there has to be a mistake.” hanni groans, “it can’t be.”

the shortest in the room flops onto one bed, sighing as she stares up at the ceiling. both of her friends walk over and sit beside her, amused and worried at how she’s acting.

“hey! it’s not too bad. maybe you can talk to them and ask for a room with two beds! don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world.”

minji puts a hand up, waving it to dismiss danielle. she looks back down at hanni and shakes her head. “hanni doesn’t want to.”

“why wouldn’t she?”

“hanni, you wanna tell danielle?”

the youngest raises a brow. “tell me what?”

“enough minji, it’s– it’s not– well…” hanni groans, turning over on her side. “what if things get awkward between the two of us?”

“well, that’s only if something… you know, happens. you’re thinking so far ahead.”

“what if she’s uncomfy?”

minji sighs again. “she’s not, don’t be stupid.”

“i’m still confused.” danielle says in between. “what is going on?”

minji looks down at the defeated hanni, then to danielle. “hanni is in denial about being in love with y/n.”

“i thought that was in the past.”

“well it’s back.” hanni mumbles. “what if i shrivel up and die.”

“don’t be stupid.”

“hey, haerin did mention that y/n talks about you often. from what she’s told me y/n is comfortable with you, very comfy. there’s nothing to worry about.” hanni’s phone buzzes and danielle helps her out, grabbing it out the pocket of her sweatpants for the older girl. she holds the phone up to hanni’s face smushed against the mattress, successfully unlocking it, then checks the message. “it’s from y/n.”

“it is?”

“i knew it was from her as soon as it buzzed.” danielle rolls her eyes, reading the text. “it says ‘where are you?’ ‘are you okay with one bed?’ ‘do dani and minji have one bed?’ ‘i’m fine with just one if you are’”

hanni shoots up. “what.” she leans next to dani to see the screen:

[y/n] where are you? are you okay with one bed? do dani and minji have one bed? i’m fine with just one if you are it’s not that big of a deal unless you’re uncomfy i can ask the hotel managers hello?

hanni grabs the phone and types immediately.

[hanni] hi so sorry i was with dani and minji they have two beds im fine with one if you are! only if you are of course! it’s totally fine if you aren’t though  i hope that doesn’t sound weird you get what i mean? sorry

[y/n] i get it one bed then it’ll be fine, i think it’s a queen when will you be back?

minji and danielle watch hanni get off their bed and sprint out the room, then look at each other and giggle. hanni speedwalks down the hall, relying on her senses to not fuck up and make her trip or take a wrong step.

[hanni]  i was omw alr soon have you unpacked?

[y/n] no i was waiting for u c u don’t trip and fall

–

“you’re so clingy.” you groan, but still, you willingly let hanni cling onto you like a koala. 

the two of you are thirteen and the next day is confirmed to be a snow day, so hanni had sprinted over to your house (begged her parents to drive her over) and basically forced you into having a last minute sleepover. it’s not like you were against it though.

you and hanni had been on the couch watching a disney movie, though you had dozed off halfway through. to be fair, you had already seen rapunzel more times than you could count on one hand, and hanni always made you feel relaxed. 

now, she’s in your bed, your legs tangled under the covers, and she’s half on top of you with her arms wrapped around. she hugs tighter after hearing you, giggling into your ear.

“you’re sooo warm though, i don’t want to move.” the moment she says that, something shifts. you suddenly burn, it feels like something is swallowing you whole and your stomach is doing flips and your heart is running a marathon and– “i could stay like this forever.”

“oh,” you mumble. your hand finds its way to her shoulder, deciding to settle there and occasionally your thumb traces circles on her. “okay.”

you've never been this close to hanni before, not like this. thirteen and oblivious, you're caught in a whirlwind of changing emotions. her presence next to you makes your head spin, even though you're just lying there together. it's a sensation you're not sure you like—maybe because you're afraid hanni might feel something different, steadier, while you feel like you could easily topple over. the embarrassment of that thought flushes through you, adding to the confusion of the moment.

–

both of you are stiff lying next to each other, unable to move. the only light in the room is the lamp in the corner and neither of you dare to look at the other.

hanni is on her phone, trying to do anything to ease the tension when there’s a small space in between the two of you. sure, the bed is quite spacious, but in this situation it doesn’t seem like it.

“hey, hanni?” she shivers, your voice is low and hushed. “i’m going to sleep.”

“oh, okay.”

“yeah, night.”

there’s subtle shifts of the blanket and the muffled movements, catching your back turned away from her in her peripheral vision. there's a shared intimacy in the limited space, she’s aware of your efforts not to brush against her. the pillow meant for your head is firmly cradled in your arms, a subconscious barrier. hanni notices this and half-wishes for the same kind of closeness, if she were that pillow.

fuck, she thinks. she wonders whether or not you’re still as warm as before.

–

the next day you and hanni wake up a few centimeters closer, but not enough to be touching. neither of you bask in that mutual realization, instead, focused on getting water samples for the project.

there’s not much directing or instructing. sure, there’s ground rules and whatnot since it’s a literally nature reserve, but there’s a lot of academic freedom regarding research. you and hanni have the green light to collect water samples, but that means trekking through various areas that are… questionable.

both of you start with the easier places to grab samples, such as the small pond near the hotel, the little stream further down the road, and really any place that isn’t shrouded by organisms left and right. both of you take turns getting samples, laughing at the others expression when getting into contact with the water.

“ugh.” 

“it’s just water y/n.”

“you made the stupidest face when we were near the hotel and it was literally a cute little pond, do not test me.”

“whatever.”

“besides, you’re next after we go into the little woods.”

hanni curses mentally.

–

being alone together with hanni seems to be less and less suffocating with time. 

however, you feel like someone is punching you in the gut each time your knuckles and arms brush against each other walking along the forest trail. hanni doesn’t seem to think much on it, but you? you’re too hyperaware it seems embarrassing.

she runs off farther from you, finding another stream and taking out a small glass bottle to grab another sample. she crouches and reaches down, you can’t help but smile. she looks stupid, she always does, but it only makes her more attractive unfortunately. 

“cute.” 

“what did you say?” she looks up at you, you’re standing and watching from above. all she can see is you looking away and the tint of pink in your cheeks.

“you look dumb.” you play it off, then grab your phone to snag a picture of her. “yeah, super dumb.”

–

the next sample is a breeze, seeing as it’s some pool of water stuck in a big dent in the rocks along the path. 

it’s a breeze just walking and conversing time to time, almost forgetting that this is all for a project.

hanni spots a waterfall in the distance, eyes lighting up at the sight of it. she starts to run off and you yell out a measly “wait!” as she continues on. you groan and run after her, laughing along the way.

you lose her for a moment, a little scared because she’s nowhere in your line of sight. “hanni?” you call out, but she doesn’t respond. 

it isn’t until you hear a loud gasp, followed by a painful yelp, that hints at where hanni is at. you follow wherever the sound came from, then climb a few plateaued rocks to find hanni on the ground clutching her ankle.

“hanni! fuck, what happened?”

she looks up at you with a pained expression, then back to her foot. “i tripped on a branch and my ankle twisted weirdly, can you help me up?”

“yeah, sure, of course.” you respond quickly, rushing over to help her up. she’s struggling to apply pressure on her left foot, basically carrying herself with the right one. “can you walk?”

she shrugs, loosening her grip on you as she tries to take a few steps. the wince she lets out after the second step lets you know that she’s in no condition to carry herself like that. “um, kind of.”

“you liar.” you sigh, “how bad does it hurt? do you think it’s sprained?”

“no, i’ve sprained my ankle. it’s not that bad.” you remember when she sprained it too, but push down the memory. 

again, you sigh (really because you’re worried). you squat down and suggest, “get on my back.”

“are you crazy?”

“you just twisted your ankle and can’t even walk, are you?”

“i can find a big stick.”

“and i’ll whack you with it if you don’t get on.” hanni scoffs at your response. you look down bashfully, adding quietly, “it’s not like you haven’t piggybacked me before.”

(“we’re almost home.” you assure. hanni tightens her grip around you as you push her up, trying to stabilize yourself.

two eleven year olds and an empty playground meant chasing and chasing until one was out of breathe – or in this case, one had sprained her ankle.

you carried her over to the nearest bench when it happened, examining the growing puffiness on her foot and making a grossed out expression. hanni hit you playfully when you made the face, slightly offended but really just trying to lighten the mood.

“it doesn’t hurt that much, let’s just walk home and my parents can deal with it.”

“um… i’m no doctor but that doesn’t look right.”

“hey!”

“i didn’t mean it like that hanni! it just looks like… i don’t know, like a doctor should see it.”

“well, it’s fine to me.” hanni lets out a heavy sigh, then gets up only to topple over. she almost falls to the ground again, but you manage to catch her and stable her. she tears up when her weight shifts over to the injured ankle, and then frowns when you look at her disapprovingly.

“sit back down hanni, you hurt yourself.” you order her, then help her back to the bench. you crouch down in front of her and squat, turning so hanni can see the side of your face as you tell her, “get on my back.”

“what?”

“i’ll carry you home. you’re not heavy, and plus, you’re short.”

“you’re a bully.”

“get on!” you groan. hanni complies shortly after, wrapping her arms around your neck and feeling your hands stable her. “see? not bad at all. we’ll get home fine.”

hanni is amazed at your strength, but even more at the depth of your care for her. she feels the sweat building up on your skin, but you don’t mention it, not showing a hint of struggle. your unwavering effort almost convinces hanni that everything is alright.)

“y/n, we’re not eleven anymore. i’m not as small and light.”

you click your tongue teasingly, turning so you can see her from your peripheral. “you’re still small, and probably light too. just get on or you’ll fuck up your foot even more.”

she hesitates, but gets on anyway. you stand up easily, just like you did as kids. your hands are under her thighs in order to keep her in place, her arms warp around your neck and her head is on your shoulder. she feels you gulp agaisnt her skin.

“are you okay?” she asks, you just nod. “i’m sorry.”

“don’t, you’re never a problem.”

your response is oddly endearing, shutting hanni up the whole way back.

it’s mainly silent, except for the faint sound of hanni’s breathing reaching your ears. you can’t trust yourself to say anything coherent; your thoughts are a jumbled mess with her this close. 

occasionally, she stops trying and lets her chin rest on your shoulder. each time she does, you feel like you might explode, but you never do. hanni has that effect on you; she always has. it makes sense why you strayed away years back. but despite the turmoil, the feeling is so lovely, and the butterflies in your stomach make you yearn for something more.

“we’re almost there.” your endurance is starting to die down and hanni starts to feel heavier. it’s been nearly twenty minutes (give or take), but you’ve been pushing aside the burn in your legs. “you alright?”

“yes.”

“good.” 

the first mistake you make is turning to meet her eye to eye, almost slipping in the middle of the trail. she looks at you deeply, making you shrink and shrink until it’s just your beating heart.

“are you alright? you’re not tired?”

“i’m fine. we’re almost there anyway.”

“i owe you so much, sorry for being stupid.”

pursing your lips and turning away, you shake your head slightly. “you don’t owe me anything.”

–

hanni gets treated by the nurse on the reserve while you test the levels of ph in each sample. some of the water from your samples are also observed by the laboratory on the reserve, and you’re attentive to everything the scientists observe and explain. 

you return to the nurse right after hanni is done with her examination, her foot is wrapped and there’s a pair of crutches next to her. 

“what did the nurse say?”

“she said i’m lucky it’s a minor injury.” hanni begins, looking down at her foot. “and that i should ice it and try to move it around little by little.”

“how long will it take to heal fully?”

“something like a week or so, again, not the worst injury.”

still, you frown. “lucky we got every sample today. the rest of the project doesn’t require much walking.”

“i guess.” she mumbles. “did you get everything through? how are the samples?”

“we can worry about that tomorrow, don’t worry.” she watches you squat down in front of her, turning your head the same way you did before and smiling subtly. “crutches will slow you down, and you’re easy to carry.”

“well thanks ms. mvp.”

“blah blah you like being on my back, admit it.” you push her buttons a little, hearing a “hmph” before she gets on and wraps her arms around your neck. you hold hanni with one hand as you grab her crutches, then manage to stable her with both again.

the whole way back you’re trying not to smile too hard. your cheeks already burn and hanni stays silent as you bring yourselves up to your floor, step inside the room, and set her down on your temporary shared bed. 

she watches you set the crutches down against the counter and you watch her flop on her back.

“how is your foot?”

“hurts, but less than before.”

“mhm, you should go shower. do you need help?” you pause, blushing like crazy when you realize the implications. “like, you know, to get there–”

she lets you live and says, “it’s alright, i can hop a few times and get there.”

“if i hear you fall in the shower i’m not going to get you.”

she snickers, getting back up. then looks at you fondly.

“i wont, silly.”

hanni thankfully lives up to her response, and you don't hear any commotion from inside the bathroom. when she emerges, she's in one piece and dressed in her pajamas. limping slightly, she makes her way back to the bed, sitting on the edge and moving her foot around slowly. her brows furrow a bit, but she seems relatively fine. relieved, you head into the bathroom to clean up and get ready for bed, trying to shake off the lingering worry.

–

there’s a weird tingly feeling that spreads over hanni when you walk out of the bathroom with wet hair and flushed cheeks from the hot shower. you looked like this last night, and seeing you again makes her wonder how it’d be to see you like that more often.

you walk over with the towel on your shoulders to prevent water dampening your back, and also the brace that she had left in the bathroo. hanni watches you pull a chair over and sit in front of her.

“you forgot something.”

“it feels fine right now,” you watch her shrug, looking at her foot. with an amusing expression, something mixed with “you’re an idiot” and slight worry, you poke the swollen area. “hey!” hanni winces.

“it looks like ten mosquitoes bit your foot, stupid. here, give me your foot.”

“what?”

"oh my god, just–" you mutter, grabbing her foot gently above the ankle and placing it on your knee. hanni watches as you carefully position the ankle brace, threading the end underneath before wrapping it tightly around until it reaches the velcro. your concentration is evident in your scrunched brows and pursed lips, handling her with a tenderness that makes her heart flutter.

when you're done, you poke at the brace and move hanni’s foot around, careful and slow, to check the fit. "there. how does it feel? too tight?" you ask, looking up at her with a mixture of concern and hope.

“no, not at all.” she says, shaking her head.

“try to move it.” hanni does so, feeling minimal pain. “all good?”

“yeah, better than the nurse.”

“right.” 

just to make sure, you squeeze around areas of her foot to check the tightness. you look up to see her staring at you intensely, none of you break eye contact until – even as you stand, watching her head tilt up to continue looking at you. 

her hair is already dry, it frames her face loosely, you can’t help but brush it out the way. hanni’s lips part subconsciously when your finger accidentally grazes her jawline, trying not to think on it much as you move away to get into bed.

both of you lie there, silent.

hanni is the first to turn towards the middle, and you follow shortly after. 

the soft, plump lips catch your attention first. then, you scan all the way up to her nose until it’s just her eyes – her pupils hold you stuck in place.

“you’re so different.” hanni blurts, it’s almost a whisper. “hyein told me about a new girl and i didn’t think it’d be you. i still can’t believe you’re here.”

your body freezes as she pushes hair behind your ear, then relaxes upon hearing her voice again.

“thanks for everything.”

“it’s nothing if its you.”

“really?”

you hum almost immediately.

–

your hand is resting on hers when you wake up. you blink once, twice, and once again before hanni’s smushed cheek comes into full view. you stay still, looking at her as you yawn, trying not to disturb the peaceful moment.

she’s relaxed, her face free of worry as she slumbers. something about her makes you want to trace each and every feature until your finger is mush, until you can make out her face with your eyes covered in a sea of people. you could sit and stare for the rest of the trip.

it’s apparent that your feelings for her would always linger, no matter how close or far you are. no one could forget a face as breathtaking as hers.

–

the next day and the last are spent compiling research together. you and hanni settle into the small, homey café inside the hotel, typing away and considering each other’s suggestions, thoughts, and edits.

you manage to organize all of the data into a visually pleasing graphic by the time everything is done, while hanni handles most of the analysis and explanations on each slide. it takes a long while, but working side by side, with your arms often brushing, makes it less of a hassle.

on the final night, you're helping hanni with her ankle brace again. she enjoys this time because it allows her to stare at you without worrying about you catching her in the act. you’re too concentrated to notice her (or at least that’s what she believes), handling her with care and precision. in truth, you simply enjoy taking care of her, making sure she’s okay.

both of you end up asleep again, side by side, then facing each other.

in the middle of the night, hanni turns away from you, facing the edge of the bed. unbeknownst to you, in your sleep, you reach out, craving her presence even while unconscious. your arm drapes over her, pulling her closer. hanni stirs slightly, just barely awake, and realizes it’s you. sleepily, she turns back to face you, finding warmth and comfort in your embrace.

if there’s any questioning in the morning, hanni has a backup plan. she'll claim she didn’t realize she had been clinging onto you until she woke up and that she’s used to hugging a pillow.

(these days, she wishes that pillow were you.)

(you don’t mind being the pillow.)

–

“okay. you have everything, right?” 

it’s eight in the morning and the bus leaves at nine. your bag is packed already, and so is hanni’s.

“mhm.”

“great.” you say before tucking your charger away in the front pocket of your backpack.

turning your head over, you notice hanni sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out the window. the view is perfect, you spent a lot of time looking outside when the sky was pretty, but not enough you realize – now that you’re about to go back near the city.

you walk over to sit next to her, leaving little space in between the two of you.

hanni moves her foot in a small circle, probably without knowing since she looks so focused on the view in front of her.

“does your ankle feel better?”

“yeah, because of you.” she turns her head to face you, the distance between both of you grows smaller. hanni slides herself closer. “i really liked spending time with you here.”

“me too.”

her breath hitches. “i wish we could’ve had more time outside.”

“its fine.” you hesitate before reaching out to move her outgrown bangs away from her eye. “you should trim your bangs.”

“mhm.” hanni isn’t really listening, not when your hand is under her jaw.

you lean closer, noses nearly touching. hanni's eyes flutter shut, and you hesitate, your lips just a breath away from hers. her fingers nervously play with the neckline of your t-shirt, a silent invitation. with that small gesture, you tilt your head a little more and close the distance, your lips finally meeting hers.

it’s delicate at first, short and swift. the two of you part a few millimeters away before you kiss her again, each kiss growing longer and more comfortable. it feels right, perfect – all of it. her hand slides up to your collarbone and rests at the base of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. hanni hums softly into the kiss, her nails pressing subtly into your skin. 

it feels like you’re on cloud nine.

the two of you part after a few more slow kisses, for real this time, now able to see the effect you have on each other.

your cheeks are bloodshot, and hanni’s cheeks mirror yours. 

“can i do that again?”

hanni nods, biting her lip slightly.

you lean forward again and kiss her as if its the only thing you’ve ever dreamed of. 

what catches you off guard is her putting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing it as she pushes you back slightly. your lips are still close, and you can feel her hot breath brushing your skin.

“w-wait, y/n.”

“hm? did you not like it? sorry oh my god–” she cuts your worries off with a kiss.

“no, i just–” hanni parts further, you feel your heart sink. she looks down at your lips for a moment. “--i want to keep going but before i can… i’ve been thinking,”

“about?”

“us.”

“how?”

“y/n, you wanted to be friends at first, and so did i. trust me, i really really liked that, like, so much.”

you look at her, confused.

“but this isn’t what friends do, and i want to be more than friends but… i just, i just really need to know why we ever stopped being how we used to. the full reason.”

“what?”

“there was something left out, i guess it felt vague – your apology.”

you can’t believe her, and the fact that the moment was halted because of it makes you a little irritated. “you’re still stuck on that?” the defensive, aggressive tone throws hanni off. “you’re– you’re joking, right?”

hanni pulls away fully now, taking her hands off of you. “why are you getting angry again, you can’t tell me the real reason, is that it?”

“hanni, i just–”

“you gave me an apology, but it wasn’t the full thing. that’s enough to be friends again, but to kiss you and have something beyond being friends… i’d like a full explanation, you know?”

you scoff, shaking your head. “you’re still stuck on it.” you say unbelievably.

“of course i am! i want to know the full reason before we… before this.” she points between the two of you

“i– i can’t hanni.”

“is it that bad?”

“i just, not now, please.” it’s too selfish and humiliating, besides, you’ve already kissed her. an explanation isn’t even necessary. 

“you can’t even tell me.” hanni looks at you, a feeling of betrayal seeps into her. “and you expect me to keep kissing you.”

“it’s not relevant! it’s not serious.”

“then tell me! what’s so hard y/n, what is so fucking difficult to confess.”

“i’m not arguing with you hanni, not now.” you sigh, standing up. “we should meet the others downstairs.”

“go on and avoid this like you did years ago, are you going to pop up next week and tell me you’re going abroad again or…?”

you don’t respond, mainly because you don’t trust yourself to say something that’ll keep the fire from bursting and growing. shaking your head, you grab your bag and put it on, looking at her again with a tongue poking the inside of your lip.

“let’s go.”

“go by yourself.”

“hanni, you’re on crutches.”

“go.” she spits, sounding sad, angry, and deceived. 

–

you’ve fucked up.

so badly.

hanni steps out of the elevator on her crutches, giving you a brief glance before heading over to minji and danielle. you frown, memories flooding back and making it feel like all the effort to reconnect was for nothing. you still managed to screw everything up.

you know you’re in trouble when she doesn’t let you help her onto the bus, when she stares out the window the whole ride back, and when she starts giving you the same cold treatment you gave her years ago.

after kissing hanni and then feeling rejected by her within the same hour, a heavy weight settles on your chest. you try to talk to her, you really do, but she doesn’t budge or respond, letting you sit with the consequences of your actions alone. the ride back feels like needles slowly, slowly poking into your skin, and you can’t do anything about it. 

–

hanni doesn’t leave your mind, even after two weeks of getting back to school, settling into your practices and winning districts – nothing helps the fact that your brain screams hanni hanni hanni. 

everytime you see her, you try to talk to her or interact, but she just won’t let it happen. 

even minji's exchanges with you are shorter now, more reserved, focusing mainly on school. you feel like you've dug a hole in the ground only to get stuck there, with all your progress leading to a pothole you can’t escape. it doesn’t help that every time you see hanni, you just want to hold her again, take care of her, and offer that same softness and genuine care. but you can't, and she won’t let you.

even after you two present your project together, with hanni complying just enough to give you a temporary moment of interaction, she quickly returns to her reserved self. it’s terrible because she’s still that same hanni you love when she’s not around you. you catch her laughing with her friends at lunch, smiling, looking pretty, and seeming unbothered by everything.

you might die if you don't get to interact with her normally again. every second, the thought of hanni smiling at you instead, maybe even kissing you and holding onto you like before, crosses your mind. you try to push it down, burying it deep into the back of your mind, locking it away; because the only way to try and live with it for the time being is to ignore it.

(it’s almost impossible.

screw that, it’s impossible.)

–

hanni catches sight of you from a few tables away in the lunchroom. you’re surrounded by cheerful, excited teammates, all celebrating the recent district win. even haerin, usually quiet and reserved, is more talkative and lively.

but you’re not.

her eyes meet yours for a fleeting second. she sees a flicker of hope in your gaze, and her heart clenches. she tries hard to look away, forcing herself to ignore you as she always does. despite the happiness and laughter around you, there’s a melancholy in your eyes that she can’t shake off, and it makes her heart ache. even with that, she can’t give in, she’s too afraid of false truths and feeling worse along the line.

“you haven’t touched your lunch.” minji points out. “hanni, you can’t keep doing this.”

“i have to.”

“i know she fucked up, but she’s come to me begging to talk to you. she’s hurt and regrets a lot. if you could let her explain, then maybe things will work out.”

“and what if it’s just a sugarcoated explanation? minji, i can’t feel like that again.”

“you’re already skipping meals, and i know it’s screwing you up too. could letting her back in really be any worse?”

hanni hates that minji is really smart. she’s right—she’s usually right, anyway. hanni knows she’s partly to blame for letting the crack in your relationship start to form again. if the distance keeps growing, she’s not sure if it can be patched up the way it was before. the thought of losing what you two had, after all the effort to rebuild it, terrifies her.

“i don’t know minji.” she puts her head down, her voice being muffled in her arms as she says, “i really don’t know.”

“you have to let her in.”

“will she let me in?”

“y/n is not a bad person, from my judgement at least.” minji states. she puts a hand on hanni’s back, offering a comforting squeeze. “plus, my best friend can’t eat because of it.”

–

hanni watches you from afar, still on the school courts shooting hoops long after practice has ended. she knows you use practice to distract yourself and escape, and seeing you shoot like a relentless machine makes her feel worse than she already does. you miss one shot, then another, and finally, in frustration, throw the ball across the court, not far from where hanni stands.

from across the gym, you spot her standing in the doorway, frozen in place. your chest heaves with exertion, sweat dripping, and exhaustion settling in. just seeing hanni makes your body feel heavier, shoulders slumping and arms going limp.

she watches you with a frown but can’t hold your gaze any longer. you observe her biting her lip before she turns and leaves, and you're left alone with the weight of your emotions and the distance between you growing even larger.

it’s all my fault. it’s the truth, you can’t let it go on any longer. your legs hurt, you don’t know if shooting is worth it after seeing her because she’ll flash in your mind and you’ll miss each time. 

hanni’s not going to give in for another while, and you’re growing impatient. you’re not fourteen anymore, you can’t be stubborn and stupid for the rest of your life.

you can’t be the reason for your own regrets anymore, losing everything you’ve built with hanni – losing hanni – would be the last straw.

–

the sound of something hitting the window halts hanni’s efforts of falling asleep. she hasn’t been able to without melatonin, not when she’s been distancing herself from you.

she rubs her eyes and groans, then glances through the window, her breath fogging the cold glass as she scoffs at the sight of you standing outside. it's freezing, she knows, and even the a/c can't fend off the chill. she squints, trying to make out your figure in the dim light. you're in pajamas, a light long-sleeve shirt flapping loosely in the wind, and plaid pants that are clearly shit against the biting cold. the front lights aren't on, casting you in shadows, but she can still see enough to worry about you.

she can’t, she’s done everything she can not to talk to you, but she can’t just ignore the fact that you’re out in the cold and if she does brush you off you’ll end up sick the next day. hanni can give you the cold shoulder, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, she can’t have you catching a cold.

you wait there, feeling your fingers start to numb as the wind blows again. your teeth clammer against each other when you shiver, waiting there helplessly; the only way to get hanni back is to be vulnerable, if that means waking up stuffy and congested, then so be it.

"what the hell is wrong with you, y/n?" hanni says, her tone more worried than angry. she rushes over to you, grabbing your hand and dragging you inside. "it's past midnight, are you insane?"

“hanni let me apologize, please. no bullshit this time, full truth.”

“y/n,” hanni sighs, looking at you closely. the lamp in her living room hits one side of your face, showing the slight tint of red on your cheeks and nose. “come upstairs. fuck you’re so lucky my parents aren’t home.”

“thank you.”

“yeah, whatever.” she says, but so quietly that you can’t even hear it.

you follow her like a lost dog up the stairs and into her room, she closes the door, then turns on her desk lamp. 

hanni hears your breath shake. “there’s a reason behind everything i do.”

“don’t sugarcoat anything y/n. i’ve given you a second chance, you’re lucky i’m giving you a third.”

“i know, i’m the luckiest person already after being able to be your friend. and i want that again, no, let me be clear.” you step closer to her, head tilted down to meet her features. shes unable to tear away from your gaze, stuck in place. somehow, you look even cuter with your rosy cheeks and ruined hair from the wind, and those pajamas make you look like an adorable idiot. “it’s not an excuse, but people are so stupid when they’ve just become teenagers.”

“clearly.”

“i know.” you sigh out again. she’s looking up still, dead into your eyes that soften upon just seeing her and it’s like there’s a whole world in your pupils as they dilate. “look, i don’t want to regret more than i already do. i was stupid, i never liked anyone, – romantically – until you.”

“what?”

“hanni, i found you so pretty and amazing and we were fucking young and you were my only friend. i couldn’t even make friends when i went to korea, you know? no one was as striking as you. i’ve made friends here but they’re nothing like you. it’s just so embarrassing and terrible to admit, i’ve been running around it, in circles really. that’s why i’ve never told you, that’s why i get so mad at the mere mention of it because it’s just so… it frustrated me.”

“what are you saying y/n?”

“hanni.” your voice lowers and your lips twitch. “ all those years, they were frustrating and confusing and screwed up my brain that wasn’t even fully developed. i’ve loved you for more years than i can count on one hand. i never knew that, really, until we got to middle school. i was so scared my feelings would get in the way and you had all these other friends that made you laugh more than me. i was scared you would grow out of me, i hated the idea of you with anyone else but me.”

silence follows, hanni’s brows upturn and her jaw drops slightly. the red glazing your cheeks is much more apparent, so deep that she might even be able to see it without the soft light in her room. 

“i shouldn’t have been so insecure and stupid and selfish and–” you pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh. “i’m sorry. and i’m still in love with you more than you’ll ever know, and after kissing you i know that’s not going away. i know that to fix everything i need to be honest and i couldn’t even do that and i–”

“you like me?” hanni says, surprised isn’t enough to explain how she feels.

“what?”

“it’s all because you liked me? you did this because you were in love with me? y/n, oh my god.”

“i understand if you’re mad hanni i really do–”

“no– yes. i’m pissed.” she looks at you defeatedly, but somehow relieved at the same time. “you’re the stupidest person i know.” her voice is faint as she pieces everything together. 

“i know and i shouldn’t have–”

“no, shut up.” she watches your expression shift into confusion. her hands find their way to your face, cupping it like it’s the only thing they were meant to do. she whispers as she leans closer, “you dumbass just shut up.”

her lips are on yours again since the hotel, rushed and desperate and everything in between. 

naturally, your hands find their way to her waist, holding her close. you melt into each other, kissing and kissing because it's the only thing you can and want to do. warmth floods through you, getting rid of the cold of the night. hanni reverses the numbing sensation that you had felt, making you feel. what you’re feeling? there’s not much that can describe that, you just know that everything in this moment is perfect. she's perfect—her against you, with you, close to you. her lips, her presence, just her—hanni.

both of you pull away at the same time after running short on breath. she stares at you, plays with your hair, and kisses you again. 

hanni does anything she can to keep close to you, right there in the middle of her room on the carpet that you helped her pick out. 

you don't think there's a single thought in your mind that isn't of hanni, not just because you’re kissing her, but really, in general. her fingers grip the back of your neck, her are lips soft and warm against yours, and she groans lightly into you. the heat radiates off her skin, wrapping you in a comforting warmth that seeps into your bones. 

and it feels right to move over, hanni figures. she guides you over to her bed, praying that you two don’t trip when she redirects you over to her matress, climbing into your lap. she pulls away again, slowly.

your lips have a mind of their own, following hers even if they’re starting to get puffy. you’re unsure whether or not you can even breathe. 

she slides her hands to the sides of your neck, then up just below your jawline. her skin brushes against you and goosebumps roam up your spine. 

“you’re so stupid.”

“uh huh.” you mumble, staring at her like a loser. “yeah.”

she giggles, then her lips form a loving smile. “you’re in love with me.” she says, almost like she’s convincing herself. “you love me.”

bashfully, you respond, “yeah.”

“and because of that you avoided me.”

your hands loosen around her waist. “sorry.”

“no, you’re an idiot.”

“i know hanni, i know.”

“no you don’t.” she slides one hand back into your hair and it feels like time has slowed down. “i’ve been in love with you, dumbass.”

“you– you have?”

“we just madeout for almost an hour – probably –  yes, i’m in love with you. i had a crush on you when we were twelve– i’ve had a crush on you since.” she leans closer, her lips ghosting over yours. “you’re so, so, dumb y/n. kiss me again and i’ll forgive you, i guess.”

“uh huh.” you practically respond into the kiss, meeting her eagerly. 

it feels right just kissing her like that, slow and steady, then quick and longing until your lips are swollen and numb. she falls down onto the bed tiredly, coaxing you to follow. even after taking each other’s breath away, you’re cautious of the boundaries and what you can do. you’re still an asshole for being stupid and in love, you think you’ll always be an asshole because of that.

but hanni manages to wash away any worry, scooting closer into you and clinging onto you again. you feel her press a haste kiss on your neck and sigh sleepily, then mutter, “i’m just glad things turned out like this.”

“me too.”

“you still owe me a lot y/n.”

nodding slowly, you respond quietly, “okay, i’ll buy us bread tomorrow.”

“mhm,” she closes her eyes, and sighs happily when your fingers start to soothe her scalp. “and kiss me again.”

“that’s nothing.”

“good.” she murmurs. “you’re so warm. stay.”

hanni’s spent every moon thinking of you, being mad at you, missing you, and loving you regardless. you’ve spent every second doing this. it’s the feeling of being curled up together comfortably that makes up for everything – nothing can beat it, nothing’s better than hanni in your arms, right there, right now. 

you, hanni, together – that’s all that matters.

“i’m not going anywhere.” you promise, voice so thin it might break if the wind manages to seep through the closed windows. “never again.” 

[sinning-23]

Hello,

How about a LA luffy where he's dating Reader and he keeps talking about her but no one believes him until she comes and rescue them or something I know not much details but please take this to your account English isn't my first language so excuse me

OMG THIS IS PERFECT! Thank you for the request! I apologize for taking so long to write it I've been so busy and full of writers block its insane! I added a little twist with his and made th reader a gunslinger sooo yeah(for the plot) Anywa here we go! Enjoy

Warnings: None

The strawhat crew was becoming increasingly irritated with how much Luffy would speak of this mystery woman who he claimed to be his 'girlfriend'. In all honestly, neither of them thought he had the romantic capacity to even GET a girlfriend to begin with. But the way he spoke of her...it couldn't all be lies could it?

He mentioned how you'd saved him with your remarkable skills as a gunslinger and you were an amazing shot. He gushed about how it took only one bullet to kill three men who had threatened him and when it was all over you 'pepper his face with kisses'. How you were always there to save him more times than not and that you were just absolutely beautiful. The 'prettiest girl' he'd ever seen as he told it.

"If you guys are so in love why didn't she join you on this little pirate adventure." Nami quips, eyes rolling at the most recent story Luffy had explained. He only tilted his head and smiled as if the answer was just so obvious (it wasn't.)

"It wasn't her dream." He smiles, rocking back and for a bit as Zoro finished off his drink before speaking.

"This wasn't exactly our first choice either but here we are." the swordsman smirks, his arms crossed over his chest.

The smirk was soon replaced with irritation when the waiter went to speak.

"That's different. Besides, I'm sure Luffy wouldn't leave a woman like that all on her lonesome. Right?" Sanji questions, more so trying to convince himself Luffy had more sense than that. But the brunette only shakes his head.

"Nope, she said we would cross paths again one day and I let her be. It was a deal! And now I get to wait until one day I see her beautiful face again." And before anyone could protest or pry any further, Luffy stuffed his face with food.

A sigh rang out from Nami as she leaned against the seating of the booth they're in, only to quickly shoot back up with wide eyes. Since Luffy's bounty had got a hell of a whole lot bigger, there was always the occasional run-in with someone who claimed they'd be getting their money sooner rather than later.

On this particular night though, a gang of about 6 or 7 had strutted up to their booth and slammed his bounty on the cracked wood of the table, making it shake. Zoro paused, debating if these idiots were worth the fight and Luffy continued to eat without a care in the world.

"I'm getting that bounty tonight." Then, what they all assumed was the leader spoke, his hand drawing his sword. This could have gotten ugly rather quickly but the fight seemed to be over with the sound of fired shots ringing through the eatery.

It was so quick you'd almost miss it…each shot followed by another, and one by one each of the men dropped like flies, screams and gasps of frightened patrons filling up the space momentarily. From the darkened corner of the bar stood a woman in a rather large coat that almost touched the floor.

The revolver in her hand rattled before she tucked it away into one of the many pockets that adorned her body. She was a decent height, and her hair was pushed out of her face most likely to keep her line of sight from being obscured. Finally, the once look of disgust that was painted over her features was filled with joy as she stepped over the bodies of the men she'd just laid to waste.

"Luffy!" She squeals, practically vibrating as the Stawhat leaped form his seat and embraced the mystery woman.

This wasn't the usual hug though, Luffy had simply lifted the lady and twirled her, his face buried in the crook of her neck and she giggled and tangled her fingers in his hair.

"I'm sorry did we miss something?" Nami quips, looking to the rest of the crew to confirm they were just as lost.

"This is her! Remember the girl I've been talking about!?" He practically shouts, his hand secure at your waist as that iconic smile plays over his lips.

Oh okay it was finally starting to make sense. Two cinimon rolls but one can and will kill you if they so desire...well-

Nami is the first to laugh, disbelief filling her but the closer she looks the more her laughter and smirk dies down. Luffy's hand was firm at your waist, yours on his chest as you flash a content smile.

"Y/n, meet my crew!" Luffy introduces as you jut your hand out happily, meeting that of whom you soon learn is Usopp and Sanji. Nami was next and Zoro simple noddded in your direction.

"You really know how to pick em! Congratulations on this bounty by the way love." You hum, pressing kisses over Luffy's freckled cheeks.

Damn how much love and affection could you give? It was like every two seconds your lips were pressed somewhere against their Captain’s face! And he didn’t seems to mind at all! Well, not that Luffy was bothered by it but still! With one last kiss to your boyfriend’s face, you usher the crew out of the eatery, sliding the bartender some extra berrie to apologize for the ruckus.

The two of you looked so inseparable like that, hands interlinked and swinging back and forth simultaneously.

“You know what this means don’t you. Usopp teases, sticking his hand out awaiting Nami to fulfil her end of the bargain.

She swears in defeat roller her eyes before paying.

Who wouldn’t make a bet on something as outlandish as their captain having a girlfriend!?

[foone]

whats your favourite narnia book if you have one

Since I grew up as an autistic christian, I have many Narnia Opinions!

So, my favorite book for it's own reasons is probably The Magician's Nephew. I'm always a slut for worldbuilding and backstory and that novel is basically just only that. Some guy we know from another book goes on an adventure and in the process gets to be involved with the creation of one world and the destruction of another? kick-ass.

Best book to adapt? The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. 1988 BBC version, 1979 Cartoon version, 2005 theatrical? All good, in their own ways. The BBC version is just perfectly 80s and the costumes are amazing (because they are costumes! they did all the monsters by sticking a guy in a big costume and I love it), the cartoon version captures the fucking whimsy of a story where SANTA SHOWS UP AND GIVES EVERYONE PRESENTS and the first person to offer any serious lore about the situation is named MR BEAVER. And the 2005 film has the big battles and CGI and Tilda Swinton as the White Witch which is... so much. I love them all.

But the best book adaptation is the 1990 BBC The Silver Chair. Hands down. It's got Tom Baker's Puddleglum, Warwick Davis playing an owl, 0£ BBC budget greenscreened giants (MULTIPLE TIMES), a group of people discovering IT'S A COOKBOOK and one of them being offended by the cookbook saying they don't taste very good, the bad guy turning into a giant rubber snake. a witch trying to gaslight some humans into believing the sun is a myth, and the ultimate salvation of Eustace Scrubb: a boy who almost deserved being named that.

And since I can't not list basically everything Narnia ever made, BBC's 1989 Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is pretty good too. It's a fun "road movie", in that it's an odyssey into a fictional Mysterious Ocean of Here There Be Dragons.

Lotta hits in that one. It's also got a "collect the macguffins!" plot where they're trying to collect the Seven Lost Lords.

But yeah, it's like... the first Island gets them a lord and they get to end slavery. Next up, Dragon TF island (The dragon is Greed... but it's also just a literal fucking dragon). Next, Gold TF island. Gold, it turns out, makes you go insane in your lust for wealth, even if you're already a Prince of a whole country. The gold is Greed, but it will also just fucking kill you because you'll be turned into gold.

Then it's the island of the ugly invisible one-foot guys and it turns out they cast a spell to turn invisible so no one could see how they're ugly but they're not ugly, they just think they are? and then it goes "HEY LUCY COMPARE YOURSELF TO YOUR OLDER SISTER" and she's like "I'm ugly.... unlike her. Maybe I should use magic to STEAL HER BEAUTY?!" and it's like, wow. Is there maybe a theme here about self-esteem in your appearance? and Clive Officemax Lewis is over there going I'LL NEVER TELL.

Anyway it's got the good line about how the Wizard in charge of the ugly invisible one-footed pogo-idiots is that how he eagerly awaits the day that they can be ruled by wisdom, instead of magic. It's a fun approach to magic: it's something that is a shortcut, a crutch, and it's a poor replacement for Wisdom, even when used by "the good guys". Tell me, Mr. FedexKinkos-Lewis, do you have any opinions on the complicated relationship between Christianity and magic? oh, you do? I never would have guessed!

They also find The Island Where Dreams Come True. They don't land there, they just fish a screaming man out of the ocean who is trying to escape it. The sailors hear it's The Island Where Dreams Come True and are like "wow, I could have my own ship!" and he yells no, you fools, not dreams like your wishes and imaginations, your actual dreams come true on this island.

and everyone agrees: Get us the fuck away from this island and lets never return.

Anyway I'm not gonna talk about THE ENTIRE MOVIE/BOOK but it's got a great weirdness at the end where they reach the end of the world (which is flat. It's okay, this is Narnia, a completely different world with different physical rules than Earth), and it's a waterfall, but a waterfall going up?

It turns out Heaven is on the other side of it. They turn around, but the anthropomorphic mouse is like "ehh, I'll take that journey" and becomes the Elijah of Aslan's Country, their equivalent of heaven.

Narnia, won't you?

[nqmonarch]

Genuinely wanna hear more regarding the No Wish SAHSRAU (Is that how it's spelled?) especially with all the new events that's happened.

Including the Dr Ratio that slid into our DMs.

First, apologies for the wait I took a while doing this request and then also decided not to post anything during the Palestine strike period because free Palestine.

And man, I don't know how it's spelled. I'd assume that's right it's so long though. Also YES Dr. Ratio sliding into our DMs except bro waltzes in and calls us an idiot ;-;

But first! Let's catch up with some of the current crew who is currently in Penacony!

Warning Penacony Spoilers

For the Trailblazer Penacony's been rough... Shortly after the death of their new closest friend, they'd been coerced into talking with Aventurine, and now had to make a decision without consulting any of the Astral Express beforehand. Sure, they were a seasoned adventurer with two missions under their belt but they still have no idea about their past or if they could trust such sketchy people.

"Aventurine, that little rat..." Their ears perked up when they suddenly heard the voice of this presumed Aeon. "I want to knock my fist against his forehead and see if there's a brain in there." The Trailblazer wouldn't try that.

But if you were acting like this maybe Aventurine and Black Swan could be trusted. The Trailblazer forced themselves to relax and tried to show confidence in their eyes. They could do this. It was good you were still by their side in the dreamscape, otherwise... what would they do?

Herta has found it's more difficult to communicate with you than the Aeons. While the Aeons simply didn't want to communicate it was as if there was some sort of wall separating her from you. It was beyond fascinating but it irked her, she wanted to get into contact with you right away. Then, as she was working to implement a simulated version of you into the simulated universe as an Aeon she had a revelation. What if... this was all a game?

Natasha had done it. Recently the eyes glanced off her more often, something she couldn't help but feel disappointed at. But upon one instance when they glanced upon her, she'd taken their warmth in full, and decided to set out. It seemed when these eyes were on her, she improved in nearly every aspect, so maybe her luck would improve as well? Even though it had been a dead end many times before she investigated Vache's worn down laboratory covered by snow searching for research. Except this time, she found something. This Aeon... was strangely benevolent and caring towards mortals.

That's all the updates we have for now on the current characters, in terms of progress. Herta is one smart cookie but who else is one smart cookie? Dr. Ratio!!! That man I love him so much. Sampo is also a potential worrying addition.

Given in the current event you can get either Sampo, Guinaifen, Asta, or Yukong for free, so let's see how they react.

Dr. Ratio

...This was interesting. The plot unfurling behind the scenes of Penacony was to be expected, Aventurine was being a pain in his ass also to be expected, but an Aeon looking at him? A smart Aeon. One who also must hope to purge the world of ignorance! A noble pursuit. Or perhaps, they'd realized their own ignorance and sought to rectify it some of the Aeons were rather lackluster in this manner after all. But they'd likely never change in their ways.

And you're no longer looking at him, that's fine. Is it a bit more chilly in here or is it just him? An interesting side effect of your gaze then, the feeling of warmth. He wondered why that happened, the look of Nanook was dangerous and suffocating, near fatal for any mortal. That of Yaoshi's was said to be sickeningly sweet and suffocating as well. Nous' was cold and calculating, judging your every asset and whether or not you had potential. Everyone had potential, they just had to choose to rid themselves of their ignorance. If the gaze wasn't suffocating maybe... you were a weak Aeon? One that had just formed or had been thought to have died.

Interesting. Aeons, the topic no scholar knew completely about. Herta was researching deeply into them, Dr. Ratio supposed he could always ask her yet he didn't want to feed into her ego. There were other ways to get the information though.

Guinaifen

"Hello, hello! Can you all hear me? Good morning fam! And welcome to Little Gui's stream!"

It was then when Guinaifen suddenly felt warmth wash over her. Oh, maybe it was because this stream was her first normal one after all the ghost catching business but she found herself getting flustered...? Flattered...? She wasn't sure exactly how to describe it yet she felt even more energetic than usual! As if she could go on for hours! When she ended her stream, the warmth was still there and she still felt as if she was being watched.

Wait-- wasn't this how people said they felt when they were being watched by an Aeon? Something similar to this right?! If even an Aeon was watching her, she was definitely going to be famous! When Guinaifen went to tell Sushang about this news, she found Sushang had run into the same thing! Weren't the two of them an impressive pair? :)

E1 Asta

Research had been going smoothly, partly thanks to the eyes always observing Asta. With them came the warmth that brought confidence and innovation she felt she wouldn't feel otherwise. But, she could feel the warmth all the time now. She doubted an Aeon would be able to watch her all of the time so had she been blessed? That was good, she was able to focus on all the stars and her research more now and learn more in less time!

But... why did she feel so forlorn? As if she had been deserted? Had you just blessed her and moved on your way? Herta... Herta knew a lot about Aeons maybe she would know something about what had happened to her, maybe she would know if you're still around.

E1 Yukong

Even after it all Yukong wished to return to the skies. Despite failing her comrades, despite all those around her who she'd cared for yet failed to stop their death, despite the burning wreckage she'd had to painstakingly crawl out of. Yukong wished to fly. In this long life where even the things she'd once loved had dulled, the longing to fly was forever there.

The warmth was on her constantly now, she completed her paperwork faster, she created ingenious plans, but what did it matter?

"I want to go back," Yukong had spoken one day out to the silence of the world and when the warmth remained she realized, perhaps she could go back and fly. Maybe... it would be okay. But for now her fear remained, albeit comforted by the sight of an Aeon.

What a strange Aeon, to care so much for a mortal.

Sampo (spoiler warning for Black Swan quest, although I was kind of confused the whole time so some information may be incorrect)

Now this would be fun! Sampo had known he was right, this was only another clue in the right direction! And this Aeon, watcher, player, reader, whomever you were appeared at the perfect time! Whenever your gaze fell upon him, he could feel his speed increase as well as the rest of, if this were to be a game, his "stats." He knew he wasn't crazy, of course he'd never had that idea in the first place! He'd be able to retrieve his mask much easier now, he could deal with you later.

It wouldn't be anything bad, don't worry, Sampo Koski is always happy to have a new business partner and friend :) !

If there's anything else you wanna hear about it I'd be more than happy for ideas cause I love these little guys (the characters) . It's just them living their life except they're stronger and feel as if they can enact their dreams! And maybe they gain a friend or a small crush on the way but hey that doesn't mean anything until Penacony comes out with some tech they worked on with Herta that allows you to visit in your dreams but no way something like that will happen, right?

Also trailblazer is genuinely so stressed like imagine having to make the decisions to save an ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET and you don't even know who the you are or what you've been through, you're genuinely so lost but hey you're alive, somehow.

[mikansei]

@nhura bless u for enabling me 🫶

(playing fast and loose w/roman naming conventions here, but these are like, fantasy space romans anyway so shrug.emoji)

parents: Gaius Pontus Ratio & Metia Ratio brother, older by 15 years: Gaius Maro Ratio the boi: Veritas Secundus Ratio Honorius

Gaius II hates his name and goes by Maro, because if everyone was gonna call him Maro anyway, why'd they name him Gaius at all? Veritas hates both his names - yes, the first means "truth," but what they named him after was the damned planet - and then they tacked on "second son" as if that were any better. (they gave him Honorius after he earned the honors degree from UVP, which is now the third asinine name they've forced on him and he refuses to acknowledge it in any way.)

---

their parents are upper class, old money, and not academically inclined at all; they own a small restaurant chain that's locally well-known but isn't planetwide. Maro was their firstborn, whose life was perfectly fine till he got a mild case of teenage angst, at which point they decided the best way to lift his spirits was to give him a younger sibling(???)

and that sibling was Veritas.

you can imagine how well this did not go for anybody involved.

to be fair to them, they didn't realize what a handful Veritas was going to be. but Maro felt abandoned in favor of the new baby - which, while not exactly fair, was an understandable reaction for a 15yo - stuck around resentfully till he was 20 and then moved out to be a party animal.

Veritas barely remembers his brother living with them. what he does remember is the first time he caught his parents in a lie: "of course your brother doesn't hate you, sweetie! him moving out had nothing to do with you at all." he remembers growing up in his brother's shadow: "what do you mean you don't like carrots? your brother loves carrots. won't you try them again? maybe you'll like them this time!" "why do you need to know what'll happen every hour of the day, your brother never needed such a strict schedule;" "your brother never asked for schoolbooks on his birthday;" "your brother always had so many friends..."

(but it's all right - once he started earning college degrees while still in highschool, it was Maro living in his shadow instead, and has been ever since.)

he met the first person in his life who understood him when he was 14. Professor Rond was the first person whose eyes didn't glaze over when he talked about scientific theory, who willingly lent him college-level textbooks and didn't look at him funny when he asked for even more advanced ones. suddenly he wasn't just a kid who got perfect grades but still seemed to hate school - he was a prodigy.

(without Professor Rond's influence, his parents' viewpoint would've remained "can't you just wait till you're 18 and get admitted to college the normal way?")

they were worried him being told he was so smart might go to his head; worried how he'd do socially as a gangly, precocious teenager on a college campus (after all, Maro was always so sensitive to what people thought of him). but Veritas could not have cared less - he'd finally found something to commit himself to, and that was absorbing knowledge like a sponge. snickers and jeers and resentful grumbling rolled off him like oil from water in the wake of that initial clarity of purpose. he earned his first bachelor's degree at age 15, his first doctorate at 18, and was a professor by 20.

the older he gets, the more ridiculous he feels complaining that his parents didn't understand him - but they truly didn't and still don't. they're proud of him, of course, but after so many years watching their eyes glaze over in incomprehension when he tried to explain his studies and work and accomplishments, he stopped trying.

(it's less painful that way. isn't it?)

Maro dropped out of college early to become a professional gay disaster and amateur shutterbug. (he prefers the term "freelance photographer," up until his father says it with a tight smile hiding all their past arguments behind his teeth, at which point he prefers not to be sober.) at 45, his biggest claim to fame is being hired by couples too cheap to get a real wedding photographer. few people believe he's related to the famous Dr. Ratio, and he prefers it that way; less judgment if they think the surname's just coincidence.

now that Veritas is grown, they've reconnected. they're still polar opposites who have almost nothing in common, but at least they can be friends in small doses even if they're no good at being brothers. there's guilt on both sides - but it's better than it was, so it's fine.

Maro still baffles him, though.

---

"Fruit is something I've only recently started eating and still don't fully understand," his brother says, as if it makes perfect sense.

Veritas feels his face scrunch in utter confusion. "Maro, what are you talking about? We grew up next to an apple orchard - you've eaten fruit your entire life."

"Yeah, but I didn't understand it till now!"

"What in the world does that mean?"

some days i write 1k words in a sitting. some days i open the document, move the em dash in 1 (one) sentence and close the document

[luci-is-a-bitch-x3x]

Obey Me! Lucifer's reaction to: ..Catching Mc...

Other parts can be found here: they're being made please be patient<3

━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━

Welcome! to this adventure! The characters may not be how you imagine! I apologize for any poor jokes, bad spelling, and terrible grammar. Without further ado, please enjoy the content. ♡

⚠︎ Caution: NSFW post! ⚠︎

Cw: table humping, female based anatomy, but I try and keep it gender neutral besides that!

━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━

I don't really have a prompt like usual for this one, just read the content warnings and if this isn't your type of thing feel free to skip. Also this is long, so enjoy or whatever.

Lucifer's Reaction:

Lucifer was having an awful day, he had mountains of paper work to deal with, his brothers were being more chaotic and problem causing than usual, and now he couldn't find Mc in their room. Lucifer storms around the house searching for his little human. He looks almost everywhere, all the places Mc usually is, he even peeked his head into his brother's room to see if Mc was in one of their rooms! With a huff and a grumble Lucifer heads back towards his secret study, assuming that Mc was just out of HoL with somebody and that he'd have to handle his stress in a different way then he was planning to. Lucifer walks to his secret study planning to do paperwork while plotting how to punish Mc for not being home when he needed them to be, poor Mc, but when Lucifer gets close to the secret study he hears noises coming from inside. His eyebrows furrow, his stress levels are already high enough and now one of his idiotic brothers is causing chaos in his secret study?? Fuming due to annoyance and stress, Lucifer swings the door, bookshelf?, to his secret study open, assuming he'd catch one of his brothers in the act of destroying his study or stealing something from it.

...What Lucifer was not expecting was to catch Mc in the act of humping against his desk in the secret study. It's a pleasant surprise though, finding his human humping against his desk like a dog in heat. The way Mc looks is just marvelous to Lucifer, the perfect sight for his overly stressed mind. Mc's eyes are closed, unaware of Lucifer having caught them, their biting their lip, trying to quiet their pleasure filled moans that sound like music to Lucifer's ears. Lucifer's always believed that Mc's sounds of pleasure sound better than any cursed record he owns, especially after a stressful day. Swiftly Lucifer steps inside his secret study and shuts the door behind him with a loud thud to catch Mc's attention. Mc's eyes snap open at the sound, immediately looking towards the doorway, Mc's face flushes in embarrassment, they push themselves away from Lucifer's desk to try and save themselves from some humiliation, but it only adds more humiliation, as the wet spot on Lucifer's desk where Mc had been humping is more prominent and visible with Mc no longer standing there to hide it. Lucifer's eyes stay trained to the wet spot on his desk for a moment, his eyes then dart to Mc, but not to their face, no Lucifer takes his time enjoying the sight of Mc's lower region, how their panties are soaked, how there's some wettness on their thighs making them look messy. Lucifer enjoys the sight, taking it in and drinking it up like a fine bottle of Demonus, his human, an absolute disheveled mess, due to them pleasuring themselves on his desk? It was to good to be true, their embarrassed face, the way they avoided eye contact when he finally did try to look them in the eye, all of it made Lucifer's pants tighten, as his own body reacted eagerly to the sight. With a mischievous smirk, Lucifer begins to walk towards Mc, tutting once he's close enough to really see the mess they've made of themselves and on his desk. Mc looks like a deer in headlights, staring at Lucifer with wide eyes, frozen in place, waiting. Mc knew what they were doing, Lucifer knew that. Lucifer knew Mc's bratty antics better than they did, they were doing this hoping to catch his attention, and oh, his attention is exactly what they would be getting. Lucifer watches as Mc's body trembles in anticipation, anticipating the punishment, anticipating Lucifer's touch. Lucifer's smirk slowly turns sadistic as he comes up with a plan to properly give Mc his undivided attention. Lucifer walks past Mc, teasingly letting his hand lightly graze down their arm as he walks past, earning a needy whine from Mc, which causes Lucifer to smirk more. Lucifer sits down in his desk chair, looking at Mc with a smug little smirk as he motions for Mc to continue their previous actions. When Mc shyly shakes their head no, it earns a low chuckle from Lucifer. "What? You were humping my desk like a dog in heat a few minutes ago, you don't want to now that you have an audience?" Lucifer says, smiling smugly as Mc's face heats up more and they whimper in embarrassment. As Mc shyly shakes their head no again, Lucifer realizes he may need to be a little bit encouraging so he adds- "Come on my dear, you wanted my attention, now have it. If you're too shy, close your eyes and pretend I'm not here, just do it like you were doing it before I came in here", although Mc does feel shy and nervous, Lucifer's encouragement seems to do the job, as Mc slowly inches closer to his desk. Mc shyly begins to hump the corner of his desk again, while they nervously bit their lip and avoid eye contact, just like they had been previously doing. Lucifer knew that when Mc decided to do all of this they weren't expecting this sort of punishment, the fact that he was able to still have the "upper hand" even when giving Mc their way and giving them his attention. As Mc continues to shyly hump against the corner of Lucifer's desk, their movements soon begin to find rhythm. Once Mc's humping at a steady pace they begin to whimper and moan quietly, their eyes are still closed

and their head is thrown back a little, as their face slowly contorts in pleasure. "There you go my dear..just like you were doing before" Lucifer says gruffly while his eyes stay trained on Mc watching their actions like a hawk watching their prey. Mc whimpers in response but their eyes stay closed until they hear the familiar sound of a zipper being unzipped. Mc's eyes snap open, they are immediately greeted with the sight of Lucifer leaning back in his office chair watching them while stroking his erect cock. Lucifer's crimson red eyes bore into Mc's eyes as they make eye contact, Lucifer smirks smugly as he watches Mc's eyes drop down to look at him stroking his cock with his hand. Mc whines needily as they look at Lucifer's cock, the tip of his cock is red and leaking precum, showing how aroused by this he really is. Lucifer's hand pumps up and down the shaft of his cock at a steady fast pace, almost matching the speed of Mc's pace as Mc humping the corner of his desk at a fast pace while begging and whining pleads for Lucifer to do something other than just sitting there watching. Lucifer just shakes his head no, tutting in disapproval as he smiles sadistically at Mc. This was their punishment, no touching, just watching. At this point Lucifer was unsure who was being punished the most, as not touching Mc was like agony to him, but Lucifer would rather torture and punish himself as well as Mc, then hurt his ego by not going through with the punishment. The secret study is filled with the sounds of Mc's moans and occasionally Lucifer's groans. Don't let this man fill you he's fighting not being a moaning mess, he eats this stuff up. The fireplace in the secret study I actually don't know if there is one but pretend, has been on this entire time, that heat combined with the heat from their activities has left both Mc and Lucifer being sweaty messes. Lucifer's hair was disheveled due to how many times he's moved his head during this encounter, throwing his head back against his desk chair while groaning in pleasure, just to whip his head back into a position where he can watch Mc hump his desk. His hair sticks to his sweaty forehead making him look like a hot mess, a blessing of a sight that only some have been blessed to see. Lucifer soon finds rhythm in matching the pace of stroking his cock with the pace Mc humps the corner of his desk. As the two continue their actions Lucifer can feel his release approaching, he knows Mc's getting close as well as their humping gets more frantic yet sloppy and they begin to beg and plead again. Soon tears began to fall down Mc's pretty face, the sight caused Lucifer to groan loudly and pushed him closer to his impending release. Lucifer stands from his chair, still pumping his shaft with his hand, he gets behind Mc as they hump the corner of his desk, close but not close enough for their bodies to touch. Mc whines at the change of position, still humping Lucifer's desk, they turn their head staring at Lucifer as tears continue to stream down their face, Lucifer is in the perfect position to watch Mc as they come undone. Lucifer watches as Mc's legs begin to tremble, their back arches, pushing their body against Lucifer's desk more, their eyes roll back and they moan out loudly as they cum. Mc's hips continue to hump against Lucifer's desk as they ride out their orgasm, finally Mc's body falls limp onto Lucifer's desk as they catch their breath. Mc's orgasm makes their undergarments and the corner of Lucifer's desk all messy and wet. Watching Mc come undone sends Lucifer over the edge, he shoots his load all over Mc's rear end, covering their butt, panties and thighs with his seed. Lucifer's seed drips down Mc and onto the corner of his desk, mixing with Mc's mess leaving a bigger mess on his desk.

With Mc's consent Lucifer will take a quick picture with his D.D.D before he grabs some nearby tissues to clean Mc up. He cleans his desk up after, mans has priorities. After cleaning everything up Lucifer helps Mc off the corner of his desk, he picks them up and sits in his desk chair with them on his lap. He'll rub any sore spots for them as they both catch their breath, if Mc wants to have some more fun again before the end of the night he's down. If Mc doesn't then he's more than happy to just do aftercare things. Snacks, water, cuddles, praise the usual, he's got it down, Mc wants it he's doing it period. Watch the Avatar of Pride become a man servant for aftercare, after all he needs to be able to take pride in his aftercare skills.

Extra: do they hope to catch Mc doing it again? Lucifer would love to catch Mc doing it again, he enjoyed that punishment and just the experience in general. He ate that shit up but mans is too prideful to admit it.

Vivid memory? Would they masturbate to it? It depends on if you think Lucifer masturbates, but the memory would stick with this mans, even if he doesn't masturbate to it he'll remember it, like it happened were he's always working, this man is always remembering it, getting aroused at the memory and then punishing Mc, and poor Mc doesn't know what they did half the time.

━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━

Thats all for now babes! Hope you enjoyed!! ♡ This is not proofread. Feel free to comment or reblog any thoughts or any add ons you have! This was my first smut where I tried to be more descriptive and stuff so please be kind. I do have some other characters in mind for this but I don't plan to do all the characters so if you have a specific character you want feel free to ask for it in the comments or my request. I am still making the creepy demon ones, I just got distracted with this. Only one post today cause this is long and I've spent my last couple of days only working on this so my bad, but I hope you enjoyed! More contents coming soon so Stay Tuned! Stay Safe! & Stay Groovy Scooby!

━☆*:･ﾟ✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━

⟡˙⋆Masterlist⋆˙⟡

[viridwns]

The way I've been daydreaming about an innocent and go lucky darling slowly being caged by demon!Chrollo.

Also I wrote this at 2 AM so expect spelling mistakes and the plot making no sense. Tbh this sounds like regular Chrollo as well.

Demon!Chrollo, who was summoned by some low ranking mob boss. The idiot thought that with a demon by his side, he would quickly rise the ranks.

Demon!Chrollo, who manipulated said boss in summoning his troupe as well. After he didn't even need to flick his wrist or bloodsplatters already tainted the walls

Demon!Chrollo, who has waited millenias to be summoned again. Being locked away by the zoldyck's for messing with their affairs was a greater problem than Chrollo would've liked.

Demon!Chrollo, who kept a low profile, preparing him and his troupe to start hoarding things from the human world again. Especially rare ones that were not easy to obtain. He was crazy about that.

Demon!Chrollo, who slowly but surely gained power again, wreaking havoc on everyone who did him wrong. He stayed in the shadows while he did, pouncing on human souls when they least expected it. Oh, how he missed feeding of the people from earth.

Demon!Chrollo, who first saw you in your pretty white sun dress wearing a big white bow in your hair to match. You were sitting by a window reading in a smalltown bookshop. He had been planning on taking over this town soon enough. He needed to gain as much strength as he could before terrorizing the big cities like York New.

Demon!Chrollo, who grows curious of you. The bookshop itself was deserted. It also didn't help that you were wearing something so bright in contrast to the dim shop. Even the town was somber, so why were you dressed all pretty and light?

Demon!Chrollo, who couldn't help but focus intensly on your soft face. You honestly looked like the human version of a bunny. Is this what humans meant with cute?

Demon!Chrollo, who is amused by your lack of awareness. He's been standing in the middle of the shop for 10 minutes staring at you, and you were totally captivated by your book

Demon!Chrollo, who can't help but clear his throat. Biting back an involuntary smile when your head moves into his direction, but your eyes stay on your book a while longer.

Demon!Chrollo, who says he didn't mind when you apologize vigorously for making him wait once your focus shifted on him. He finds it strange how he didn't kill you yet. You were alone in a deserted place, this was the perfect opportunity, but yet he can't help to find out more a about you.

Demon!Chrollo, who finds out you were the owner of the shop, but business has been running slow. You were still weirdly upbeat, even when you were on the verge of going broke.

Demon!Chrollo, who buys a few books based on your recommendations, you just keep rambling on to him, not a care in the world. He lets you reach for books on the highest shelves, just to see you stand on your tippy toes. Your frilly dress lifting ever so slighty for him to see where exactly your stockings stop. Mid thigh. He swoops in last second, when you were about to get a ladder, leaning over you from behind and getting the book; apologizing for letting you do so much work.

Demon!Chrollo, who can't get enough of your soft smiles, small giggles and your sunny personality. When you're from a world that has only seen the worst of mankind, you were a welcomed refreshment.

Demon!Chrollo, who thinks it's stupid how fast you trust him, but it bothers him more to think about how quickly you would trust others. You just don't seem to think you can get hurt.

Demon!Chrollo, who takes the initiative to visit you every day. He must protect his angel.

Demon!Chrollo, who is surprised by how little you know about the actual world. You see the world in rainbows and glitter, not having seen what's out there beyond this smalltown life. When he told you one of his 'adventures' (leaving the not so pleasant details out) you couldn't get enough of it.

Demon!Chrollo, who has to hold back when you listen to him with your eyes wide and big, your mouth slightly parted, and your overhelming load of questions.

Demon!Chrollo, who secretly wants to corrupt you. Every time you wear a pretty bow or a white dress with lace stockings hugging your legs so nice, he can't help the urge to bend you over the cashier, lift up your so easily accessible dress to find out you are wearing silk panties and fuck you so hard your purity ring shatters right off your finger.

Demon!Chrollo, who wants to show you what he is, what an angel like you has been spending time with. He wants to drag you with him to hell, to consume your soul and make you like him.

Demon!Chrollo, who likes to show off just a fraction of his strength to you by moving furniture where you want it. Or who uses his speed to steal some of your stuff from right under your nose. You won't know it was him, you're too oblivious.

Demon!Chrollo, who never had such intense attractions to a human before. He wasn't inexperienced when it came to mates, but those were all to quench his needs. He couldn't help but want to lock you up and keep you at his side forever.

Demon!Chrollo, who uses his alluring voice to make you do what he wants. You won't even remember the next day. Thinking the bruising on your thighs is just from bumping into too many corners (even though some bruises look like very clear bitemarks of something that has sharp canines)

Demon!Chrollo, who won't penetrate you just yet. He wants you conscious for that. He uses his outwordly looks to seduce you. You're very playful, he finds. He never knows if you are flirting or just being...you. When you steal his book from him and he responds with cornering you, coming up all nice and close in your face, but you only respond with giggles, slapping the book in his chest and booping his nose before escaping his trap.

Demon!Chrollo, who also wants to keep you the way you are. Who wants to keep you as his little human who fills his day with a lovely smile. He wants you at his side as he destroys town after to town, as he becomes stronger and more powerful.

Demon!Chrollo, who keeps his cool with you but slowly cages you in. You don't leave the bookshop that much anymore, not when he is there most of the time, keeping you company and somehow taking care of your every need. He has taken a personal claim on your pure soul, and demons are very posessive of what is theirs.

[liontalon1]

This plot bunny is eating me alive so I’m going to share it with you guys so you can suffer too. I’ll never write it as I’m still trying to finish TBB Echo gets yoinked back in time because the disaster trio (Fives, Hardcase, Jesse) are idiots.

So Fives dies in that warehouse right, except he wakes up hours later only he’s a tooka kitten. Promptly gets adopted by Guard shinies much to his irritation. But very quickly realizes oh wait things are actually pretty fucked up here. And so begins Fives’ adventure to save the galaxy while also adopting a battalions worth of brothers even if they’re older then him.

I have scenes of him hauling a data pad he swiped from the Guard CMO with Fox’s blackout records up the stairs of the Jedi Temple. To the Temple guards amusement, as they assume an initiate or padawan sent the little tooka to fetch their lost homework. Fives doesn’t find it nearly as amusing because force that’s a lot of stairs.

Exposing Palpatine after sneaking into his office by hiding under Padmes dress. Of course this is after appreciating the truest extensive amount of hidden weapons she has.

Haven’t decided if Echo would play a role or not. Have a really heartbreaking idea of him confronting Fox all the while Fives is right there trying to protect Fox while also wanting to run to his twin back from the dead. So much potential.

[inbloomwriting]

a kiss that I kept II Jamie Tartt

Plot: Jamie Tartt was 9 years old when he met the love of his life. He considers himself lucky to have met her at such a young age. He considers himself a damn fool for fucking it up later on though. Pairing: Jaime Tartt x female reader Warnings: Swearing, mentions of food and alcohol, mentions of Jamie's dad. Notes: Friends to idiots to lovers. Inspired by "Simple Song" by the Shins Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please

When I was just nine years old I swear that I dreamed Your face on a football field And a kiss that I kept Under my vest Apart from everything But the heart in my chest

There’s something cathartic about being back home in Manchester. Not as a footballer, just as Jamie. When he doesn’t have to be phenomenal, when he doesn’t have to perform and win. When he doesn’t have to try so damn hard to give his dad a reason to be proud of him.

Without those expectations and without the pressure, it feels good to be home. It’s a part of his childhood that is untouched by his father’s malice. It’s pure and joyful and precious.

He’s not Jamie Tartt, golden child and footballer extraordinaire. He’s cousin Jamie. He’s Jamie from down the road. He’s Georgie’s boy. 

It’s been a while since he’s been back, been even longer since he’s seen any of his extended family but being back now, it feels like hardly any time has passed. Millie has always been his favorite cousin so when the envelope showed up in his mailbox, all fancy paper and swirly font, there was no hesitation in him. Nothing could keep him from attending her wedding.

She’s a beautiful bride, all flowy dress and flowers in her hair. It’s almost hard to believe she’s the same kid that used to run around the neighborhood with Jamie, getting into trouble wherever they could find it. But somewhere between chiffon and carnations that little girl still exists. He wonders if the little boy he used to be is still alive somewhere inside of him. He hopes he’s proud of who he grew up to be. Sometimes he doubts it. 

His eyes wander across the room, the reception is in full swing, people are talking, laughing, celebrating. Love is radiating from every smile. Though Jamie doesn’t really care all too much about that if he’s being completely honest, he only cares about one particular smile. 

And when he catches sight of her, leaning against the bar with a glass of champagne in hand, wearing a gorgeous powder pink dress and daisies in her hair, he’s certain his heart misses a beat. 

It would be an understatement to call (Y/N) his best childhood friend. Friend was never a big enough word to describe what she meant to Jamie — what she still means to him. 

Jamie Tartt was 9 years old when he met the love of his life. He considers himself lucky to have met her at such a young age. He considers himself a damn fool for fucking it up later on though. 

“Are you planning on talking to me anytime soon or do you just want to stare at me all day, Tartt?” 

She says it with the same sense of mischief she’s always held. Like a silent promise of adventure perpetually hidden in her words. 

“I was going to — eventually.” 

“Well, eventually is not good enough for me. I missed you, Jamie.” 

It’s only when she pulls him into a hug that he realizes just how much that sentiment is reciprocated. The familiar scent of lavender and the feel of her body against his, it all brings up so many memories of times long gone. This, Jamie thinks, is as close to time travel as humans will ever get.

He is suddenly 9 years old, playing soccer on the field just down the road from his house. His football is old and slightly inflated and some of the hexagons are flaking off, just holding on by a single tread. His goal is no real goal and all but two plastic bottles functioning as make-believe goalposts.

 The air smells like sunscreen and summer and dust and life is easy for a moment. He gets to do what he loves without having to prove anything to anyone. Football is just a game here, something to pass the time. It’s fun.

He does kicks and jumps and trick shots and it doesn’t matter if he messes up. He can fail without having to fear any repercussions. There is no one there to judge him for it. Failure is a byproduct of trying not a sign of weakness. 

Just as he is about to line up another shot at the makeshift goal, he sees her across the football field. At 9 years old, Jamie doesn’t know a lot of things but he’s quite certain she’s the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. For a moment he wonders if she’s a dream, an illusion. Then she steps closer, comes walking towards him with that bright smile of hers and the glimmer of excitement shining in her eyes. 

“You’re really good,” she says. He’s heard that a few times before, it never mattered then because he wasn’t good enough, not to his father at least. It matters when this stranger says it though, because she’s pretty and because she has no reason to lie to him. 

“Thanks. I’m Jamie.”

“You’re bleeding.” 

His eyes follow to where she points at his right knee and sure enough, it’s scraped up, a drop of blood running down his leg.

“Does it hurt?” 

Jamie shrugs as if to let her know that it’s not a big deal. It does sting quite a bit now that she pointed it out to him. He’s not gonna let her know that though, girls don’t like soft boys who whine about scraped knees.

“I have a plaster if you want one. So you don’t get any dirt in the wound.” 

She doesn’t even wait for an answer, just rummages through her purse that’s shaped like a little poodle, and pulls out a plaster. Jamie holds out his hand though she doesn’t pay it any attention, just kneels down and softly, so fucking softly, put the plaster over his wound. It’s the first time he smells her lavender shampoo, the first time she smiles at him, and the first time she sends his heart racing. 

“I’m (Y/N), by the way.” 

And his life has not been the same since.

“ I missed you too.” 

It’s the truth. He missed her terribly. But sometimes it’s hard to reconcile who he is with who he used to be. Who he is now with the person she used to love.

“Could’ve fooled me, you don’t even answer my insta DMs, you ass.” 

Even when she curses him out, she regards him with infinite affection. 

The girl that put a plaster on his bleeding knee is now a whole woman, but the kindness is still the exact same. The softness she holds for him is still there.

“To be fair I hardly check those. They scare me, honestly.” 

“At least your mum updates me on your life. She was always my favorite Tartt anyway.” 

He loves how much she loves his mum and how much mum loves her. There is something so inexplicably comforting in knowing the people you love most share a bond. 

“Think you’re her favorite too.” 

“Oh yeah, I know I am.” 

Her laughter rings through the air like the sweetest song he’s ever heard. It’s so awfully cheesy, his own thoughts almost make him barf. But she just has that effect on him. 

“You look beautiful today, (Y/N).” 

“Today?” she asks in mock offense and though he knows it’s really just a joke, he feels the need to explain himself.

“Don’t get me wrong. You’re always proper fit but that dress? You look like a fucking angel.” 

The way she bites her lip slightly and bashfully averts her eyes for a second, is a success in his book. 

She really does look gorgeous, a whole vision of perfection. The pink dress, the flowers — the necklace. 

A shiny rose gold charm sparkles in the light, resting gently against her skin. Heart-shaped like his feelings for her. He knows the pendant opens up and he knows exactly what he’ll find if he were to open it. 

His lips lift in an involuntary smirk.

“What’s that look for, Jam?” 

“You still got the necklace.”

She places a gentle hand against her chest, against the heart-shaped charm.

“Obviously. I will never ever ever get rid of it. I love it. You stole this for me!”

He was 14 and stupid and head-over-heels in love. He still remembers the sticky heat of the summer clinging to his skin, the taste of watermelon on his tongue, and the thought of her on his mind. 

They spent all day riding their bikes around town with nowhere to be and everywhere to go. It was a good day, a phenomenal day. She shared her ice cream cup with him and held his hand on the way back to their bikes. It was a phenomenal day and Jamie was not ready to let it end just yet. Not when he couldn’t stop thinking about the way her eyes lit up as she looked at that necklace in the shop window. 

In retrospect, it was an extraordinarily dumb idea, one of his worst to date, but it made her smile. The way she smiled at him when he gave her the necklace that he stole for her, that made it all worth it. The yelling from mum and the being grounded and the having to pay back the money by working at the store for 3 whole months that summer. 

Her smile made it all worth it.

“Mum was so mad at me that day.”

“Well, you did commit theft, so —” 

“Worth it though. Made you smile.” 

“Oh, Jam you— “ 

The nickname gives him shaky knees, the interruption by the DJ gives him a fucking headache.

“May all the unmarried ladies please report to the dance floor, it’s time for the bouquet toss.” 

“That’s my queue, I guess. Save me a dance, Jamie Tartt.” 

He will save her every damn dance in his life. They are all hers if she wants them.

She stands in the middle of the dancefloor, surrounded by a bunch of other women, a flicker of friendly competitiveness shining in her eyes. If she’s joining in on the bouquet toss, that means she’s not married, does that mean she’s single? 

Of course, he could’ve asked mum, she knows for sure, but that would just open a whole different can of worms. You don’t ask your own mum if the girl you’ve been in love with since you were 9 years old, is single. You just don’t, no matter how badly you want to know.

The DJ starts playing Girls just wanna have fun, (Y/N) hated that song. “It’s awfully overplayed”, she said one time they were driving in his car, before changing the station. 

She must still hate it judging by the grimace that falls over her face for a mere second before she catches herself and puts another polite smile back on her lips. 

Millie stands before the group of women, back towards her friends, and bouquet raised in the air before counting down.

One 

Two

Three

The flowers fly through the air and land in the hands of a girl whose name Jamie can’t recall but she’s definitely one of the bridesmaids. Chelsea? Cristy? Something like that. She looks elated, a guy leaning against the bar looks mortified. 

(Y/N) seems thoroughly unbothered by it all as she strolls back across the dance floor toward Jamie. 

“Do you want me to congratulate you or give you my condolences?” 

She just laughs and shakes her head “It’s not like I have any suitors waiting for me to offer them my hand in marriage anyway.” 

So she is single. Not that it matters or anything. It’s good to know though.

His eyes sweep across her face, then her hair, where one of the daisies is barely holding on and just about to fall off. Without giving it another thought, as if moving on autopilot, Jamie gingerly plucks the flower from her hair and places it behind her ear. There’s something about her that makes him want to be soft, that allows him to be soft. 

“Almost lost one.” 

“Thank you, Jamie.” 

The tenderness in her words almost sends him to his knees. When you’re used to words being sharp and bitter it’s hard to accept when they are silky and delicate. 

“You have the saddest eyes, Jam. What’s bothering you?” 

There is a big long metaphorical list of all the things that rest so heavy on his heart. The pressure of having to be the best version of himself at all times. The feeling of failure always creeping up on him. The fear of messing up. The idea of not being good enough. 

The reminder of what could’ve been and of all that isn’t.

He has a whole big list of things that make him sad — he doesn’t say any of that though. Just shrugs his shoulders in nonchalance. 

“Don’t know what you mean, I’m chuffed. Doing fan-fucking-tastic.” 

She can read him like a book, always could. Jamie doesn’t know why he even tries to fool her, it’s not going to work either way.

“I know that’s a lie,” (Y/N) scoffs then regards him with a look he can’t place. It’s a mix between pity and something else, something warm and comforting. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me about it. I’m aware we aren’t as close as we used to be but I just want you to know that I am always in your corner, Jamie. Always.” 

He has no doubt she means what she says but Jamie isn’t sure she really knows what she’s talking about. She knew him as a little kid, an awkward teenager, a misguided 20-year-old. She doesn’t know this new version of him. Bitter and a little lost — or maybe a lot.

Jamie isn’t sure this new him deserves her loyalty.

"There's something that does make me sad, actually."

"What's that?"

"The fact that I’ve not had a single slice of cake yet. That’s why I’m here, innit?”

“And I thought you were here to celebrate your cousin getting married.” 

“Common misconception, really. I mean I am — but mostly it’s about the cake. Technically I’m on a diet but it's a wedding, that doesn’t count. We all know that.” 

They both know he’s just talking out of his ass. Of course, he’s here for Millie. For the wedding and the family get together and all of it. And even a little for (Y/N). Because he really did miss her … so fucking badly.

“Oh well, let’s go get us some cake then. Can’t have you starving, not Jamie Tartt — the island’s top scorer.” 

Jamie has done a lot of things in his life that he isn’t particularly proud of. He tries to see them all as learning opportunities, cautionary tales for a future him. Doesn’t mean he likes to think about them. Especially not his short but quite memorable stint on the dating show Lust conquers all. All the worst parts of him put on display for everyone to see and discuss and judge, every night at 8pm. 

“You watched that then?”

“Uh, obviously?! What’s a best friend’s job if not to laugh about you while you make a fool of yourself on a dating reality tv show?” 

It warms him from the inside out, to hear that she still considers him her best friend. He’s not sure he’s been very good at it in the last few years. Has barely talked to her. But then again, who makes the rules? Maybe some people are bound together so tightly from the very beginning that neither time nor distance can break them apart. 

“I’ll have you know that I was number one on famous birthdays the day after I got eliminated from the show. So, who’s laughing now?” 

“Were you? How long did that last?” 

“Like a day, maybe 2. Then it went back to John Krasinsky, fucking wanker.” 

“Aw babe, well you’ll always be my favorite person born on October 20th. “ she says as they both come to stand by the table decked out in cakes and other desserts. “ I do like the office though, hmm…” 

"Oh, sod off. You’re breaking my fucking heart.”

He likes the way she hugs his arm in mock apology. She’s not sorry, in fact, she’s still laughing. It doesn’t matter if she’s laughing with or about him though. As long as there is a smile on her face, that’s good enough for him.

“Sorry. Can I make it up to you?” 

Jamie nudges her shoulder with his, the way they always did when they were kids. That little boy that was so in love with her, he’s slowly but surely clawing his way to the surface again. Breaking free from Jamie’s ribcage where he has been kept hidden for such a long time now.

“Well, what about that cake then?” 

The neon lights dip her in shades of blues and pinks and purples as she twirls on the dancefloor, weaving in and out of the crowd. Jamie is sure he’s seen this very moment in a dream of his before. 

“Oh, you look so handsome, my baby. Are you having a good time?” 

His mother’s voice cuts through his hazy daydreams as she plops down on the chair next to him. No matter how old he gets, Jamie doesn’t think he’ll ever grow tired of his mother’s affection. Her unshaken faith in him and her unwavering belief that he is a good man, after all.

“You’re my mum, you have to say that.”

“Absolutely not! Remember when you had that dangly earring? I told you right out you looked like a muppet.” 

“Yeah you did,” he nods and takes a sip of his beer “Crushed me, honestly. Loved that earring. Thought I looked well cool.” 

“Well, you know who didn’t hate it? (Y/N).” 

That gets his attention. Eyebrows raised he takes his eyes off of the girl in question and turns fully towards his mother.

“How would she know? She didn’t see it.” 

“Yes, she did. I showed her a picture when we had girls night.” 

It's a nice image, his mum and (Y/N) having girls night. Sure, having them team up on him is terrifying, but he can't help but relish in the fact that his loves love each other so dearly. 

"Girls night, huh? You ladies talk about me a lot then?"

"Are you joking?" 

The way his mum raises her eyebrow is so familiar. It's the same damn expression he sees in himself all the time.

"That girl has been in love with you since you were kids. Of course, we talk about you a lot. You're all we talk about, Jamie. "

As a kid, Jamie always wondered what it felt like to put your finger straight into an electrical outlet. He never did it, obviously. But there was some strong curiosity there.

This is what it must feel like. Hearing his mother say that (Y/N) is in love with him, that's what it must feel like

Electric shocks straight to the heart.

“What?” 

His mum just shakes her head, there’s that smile pulling at her lips. That typical mother's smile that tells you that they know you so much better than you know yourself.

“Come on now, Jamie. You know this is how she feels, everyone does. She adores you. Same way you adore her. That is how you feel, isn’t it?” 

Of course, it is. She’s everything. She feels like an ocean being warmed by the sun. Warm and inviting and comforting. Beautiful. Tender. Soft.

“Don’t matter really, does it? We haven’t talked in so long. Doubt she even knows me well enough anymore.” 

“She watches every match, goes to most of them if she can. She even bought that video game you’re on. Girl is almost as proud of you as I am. Look love, “ Mum rests a gentle hand on his arm. “I don’t know half the things that are bothering you right now but I do know that you’re struggling. I just want you to know that you are not a bad person, Jamie. The little boy you used to be deserved to be loved and so does the man you are now. You made bad choices but you still deserve love. We all make bad decisions sometimes. I know I made a lot of them when I was younger.” 

“Hah, like having me.”

He passes it off as a joke but there’s a hint of truth swinging along. She was really young when she had him and while he knows she doesn’t resent him for it, he wonders if maybe her life would’ve turned out better had he not come along. Mum loves him unconditionally and she always makes sure he knows it so it’s a silly thing to think about really. It’s a fleeting thought and it really only shows itself when he’s already deep in his thoughts but when it does, it sends him spiraling. 

The slap to the arm is not friendly or in good humor, that one is meant to sting.

“Don’t you ever say that again. You are my life, Jamie. I love you. Having you was the best decision I’ve ever made. You hear me?” 

It’s dumb really, he knows Mum loves him. It’s always been them against the world (or well, them against dad, really). But sometimes his head gets so loud and fills itself with stupid thoughts.

“Yeah, of course. Sorry. I love you, mama.” 

“Love you too, my baby boy. And I am so proud of everything you ever did, okay? Except maybe the earring.” 

A chuckle falls from Jamie’s lips. “The earring was a bad idea, I got it.”

“Good. Now go dance with your girl, yeah? You two are driving me crazy.” 

His girl. His girl wraps her arms around his neck when he walks up to her on the dancefloor. His girl looks up at him with the most radiant smile. His girl who feels like the sun and smells like lavender and wraps his heart in silk and sweet memories.

“Finally, thought I was going to have to drag you onto the dancefloor. You still owe me a dance.” 

“Sorry. Not much of a slow dancer, yeah? I do know some great boy band choreographies though, and the cha-cha slide.” 

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Coach made us learn a full N'sync routine for Doctor Sharon's going away party. She didn't show up but I was fucking ace. I’m sure Keeley has a video of it somewhere.” 

She grants him a smile though it doesn't reach her eyes.

"How is Keeley? How are you guys?"

There's an edge to her words and if he didn't know better he'd call it jealousy. But that doesn't make sense … right?

There's no him and Keeley, at least not in the way she's asking about. There never will be. Keeley is one of his favorite people but her friendship means so much more than any fickle try on upholding a relationship doomed to fail. Jamie thinks there's something brave and mature about that realization.

"She's good. We're good. Friends I mean. Good friends."

"No more dating?"

"Nah she's dating one of my best friends. Hated it at first but they're kinda perfect for each other. It's a bit disgusting, really."

Those words manage to pull the smile all the way up to reach her eyes. It's magnificent. Spectacular. A laugh tumbles from her lips, a sound so sweet if he were to taste it, he's sure it would put the most delicious honey to shame.

"You know," Jamie speaks and pulls her closer as they absentmindedly sway along to the music " I never thanked you."

"For what?"

"For the phone call that one night."

It was just after Manchester had kicked him out. No one wanted to sign him. He had burned bridges with everyone who ever stood by him and gave him a chance and Jamie had never felt more lost and more alone.

He just needed someone. A piece of home. A reminder of the 9-year-old boy who loved football for the fun of it all. He needed her. 

He hadn't expected her to pick up that night, he really didn’t deserve it. But she did. Of course, she did. She always did.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Jamie. You are you and I am me and I will always pick up the phone for you."

It's such a simple thought. The most basic of all concepts. You are you and I am me and there will always be a space for us in my life and yours.

"I just - I felt very alone and lost and I hated the person I was then. It was like I was some boat or something, stuck on a cliff. And then when I talked to you and you had my back anyway it was like all my fears that I told you about suddenly disappeared, you know? Like you sent me a wave, a flood and gave my boat a lift over the rocks. I know it sounds fucking silly but Ted has me reading all these books with the big words. Making me feel all smart and philosophical."

She's so gentle when she combs her fingers through his hair, tugging some strands back behind his ear. He will never grow tired of soft touches and even softer looks.

"Jamie, even if I didn't like the person you were then, I loved you anyway. I don't have to like you to love you. Loving someone means accepting that they make mistakes but giving them room to become the person you know they can be. You wanted to change for the better and honestly, I think you turned out pretty spectacular."

Jamie isn’t quite sure if he will ever grow used to receiving love in the form of comforting words and soft touches but he truly relishes in it, always. 

"Do you wanna get out of here? Party is about to wind down anyway. Don't think anyone's gonna miss us."

The night feels heavy with possibility. 

"Sure, Jam. Where do you wanna go?"

"Doesn't matter. Nowhere. Anywhere. As long as I'm with you."

The glimmer in her eyes tells him she has an idea.

The bench by the side of the field looks the exact same it did when he was a kid. Chipping red paint and rotting wood. Initials in permanent marker forever immortalizing past versions of whoever wrote them down. Time forever frozen.

Jamie is 9 years old again and he is also 11 and 13 and 16 and 25. It’s all the same. It’s all so different.

The field is no field anymore, it’s now a proper little football pitch with a goal on each side. 

“What happened here then? That wasn’t there when we were little.” 

(Y/N) strolls across the field, twirling in her dress illuminated by the moon and the streetlamps. She looks like something out of a movie. He’s sure if he was a smarter man, more poetic, he’d be writing songs about her, poems, books.

 In that book Ted made him read, there’s this one line that Jamie suddenly remembers.

“She was dazzling-- alight; it was agony to comprehend her beauty in a glance”

He thought those were just big words for saying some girl was well fit. He thinks he might get it now.

“Yeah well, some of us put together some money and convinced the neighborhood council to finally turn it into a proper pitch.” 

“Some of you?"

“Mostly your mum, Simon, and I”

She meets his eyes across the field and his heart still does the same silly shimmy it did when he first saw her face. 

“Why?” 

“So another little 9-year-old kid gets to play with actual goals and doesn’t have to use plastic bottles.”

They did it for the kids, the community. But they mostly did it for him, for the child in his heart that never grew up. That is clinging to his insides and that only gets to live in his memories and in the hearts of the people he loves. The people that love him.

(Y/N) leans against one of the goalposts, a smile playing on her lips as Jamie strolls up to stand in front of her, hands buried in the pockets of his pants. His jacket is long forgotten on some chair back at the wedding venue.

“You know”, she says and lets her gaze drift upwards towards the sky. There is too much light to see the stars but Jamie thinks there’s still some kind of comfort knowing they are up there even when you can’t see them. The authors of the books Ted gives him, they’d have some flowery pretentious allegory to tell about all of this. He is no author, he's just a fool in love.

“This is where I had my very first kiss. Right here.” 

Jamie wonders if she knows of the little electric shocks she sends straight to his heart when she lowers her head and looks straight at him while speaking those words.

It’s not news to him. Of course, it’s not. 

He was there. 

“Oh, was it?”

“Yup.” 

“Hope the lad was alright.” 

“He was perfect — for a twelve-year-old. I was also 12 though so I had nothing to compare, really.” 

“What was he like? Lucky kid.” 

“He had this really badly bleached blond hair. Tried to do it at home with a cheap box dye. Didn’t listen when I told him it was a bad idea.” 

“I bet he looked fucking cool.” 

“Had a bit of an ego, that one. Still does. Bit misplaced for someone who looked like Draco Malfoy.” 

“You had a big fat crush on Draco Malfoy.” 

“Yeah,” he doesn’t know when it happens. One moment they’re joking around, strolling down memory lane and the next her hand is in his hair, his hand on her waist, noses almost touching. “I did.” 

“Do you wanna know a secret?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“That was my first kiss too.” 

There’s a flicker of surprise shining in her eyes.

“Huh? You said your first kiss was with Emma behind the playground.” 

“Well I was lying, wasn’t I? Wanted you to think I’m cool and experienced.” 

“We were 12 you dum dum. And I always thought you were cool.” 

He was not cool at 12. No one is cool at 12. It still makes him weirdly proud to hear her say it. 12-year-old Jamie would be positively buzzing at that revelation.

“I um — Jamie, why did we never talk about it again? I know we were 12 and whatever but it meant something to me. Did it mean anything to you?” 

Some memories, Jamie thinks, are meant to be shared. You want to tell everyone about them over and over again and it feels like you might burst if you don’t share them with others. 

And then there are memories that are meant just for you. Beautiful places to escape to. So you keep them hidden in your chest, apart from everything else but your heart when they beat in sync. And they become part of you. And they keep you alive. That’s where he keeps this kiss. The first one. The only one that ever mattered.

“It means everything to me. But I — I wanted to keep that kiss to myself. That was mine and yours and I didn’t want anyone or anything to ruin that or turn it into something bitter and sad. “

“If I were to kiss you again, would you also want to keep that a secret?” 

He shakes his head, his nose gently nudging her’s with the movement.

“Nah, I’d wanna scream it from the fucking rooftops.” 

When she kisses him he is 9 years old again, seeing his future staring right back at him through the face of a little girl. He is 12 years old kissing her in the field, a kiss he’d kept with his heart ever since. He is 14 crying on the floor of her room the night he got back from the Amsterdam trip with his dad. He is 16 and a prick to everyone but her. 

He is 25 and more in love than he’s ever been.

“50 fucking pence? Are you joking?”

“Nope. Dead serious.” 

“That’s fucking mental.” 

Her laughter echoes through the night as they walk down the familiar streets paved with countless memories. He#s holding her hand and he’s never felt more delighted about anything so simple. 

“They still taste fucking great though.” 

“They do, don’t they?” 

Leave it to (Y/N) to continuously surprise him. As they started their walk back towards her house, she pulled two Cadbury Freddos from her sparkly purse. Jamie can almost feel the sun on his skin from all the walks they did to the corner shop during summer holidays to get some Freddos and a smarties pop-up ice.

“Don’t tell Roy I ate chocolate though, he’s gonna kick me ass.” 

“Your secret’s safe with me.” 

Her childhood home is coming into view just down the road and with it the end of this night. The door is a deep red color, he remembers (Y/N) helping her dad paint it when she was maybe 10 or 11 and her parents never seemed to have changed it since. 

“Soooo what’s happening now?” 

It feels a little silly to ask but Jamie has spent so much time keeping his questions inside of his head and not voicing them to her and he wonders just how much time he wasted because of that. Time he could’ve spent with (Y/N).

“I — I don’t know, Jamie. I want this to be. I want us to be, always did. Probably always will. But I don’t want you to choose me because being home pushed you into some kind of nostalgia-induced stupor or something. I want you to be sure about us. So, how about you sleep on it and tomorrow morning you pick me up for breakfast and we’ll talk? “

If he’s being entirely honest, he doesn’t want to talk. All he wants is to kiss her and then kiss her some more. To make up for every second that he wasted not telling her how he felt. But she is being rational and sensible as always and he has to respect that. Out of the two of them, she was always the reasonable one while Jamie did first and then thought about it later.

“Okay yeah. I’ll see you in the morning then.” 

“Goodnight, Jam.” 

“Night, (Y/N). You look beautiful by the way, not sure I said it.” 

“Thanks, you look very handsome too.” 

There’s an I love you on the tip of his tongue and he so desperately wants to say it but when she places a kiss on his cheek and opens the red door, all his thoughts just slip from his mind.

“Bye, Jamie.” 

“Bye.” 

He stays stuck for a moment or two before his legs slowly carry him down the road. The night is inky black and the street lamps' horrid orange-hued light reflects against the asphalt. 

So many times he’s walked down this exact road wondering what could be. Wondering how to show her how much he loved her. Wondering if someday, somehow they would end up together. 

9-year-old Jamie knew she was his destiny from the moment their eyes met across the football field. What would he think seeing him now, walking away from all he ever wanted? 

What’s that quote from that romcom the team watched together the other day?

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

The shiny black shoes he’s wearing are not meant for running. He figures that out as he turns on the spot and rushes back down the street toward the red door. There is no need for him to sleep on anything. He has never been more sure about anything in his life. Ever.

His heart is racing as he reaches the house, as he knocks on the door, and as he rings the doorbell — for good measure. 

His heart stops when she opens the door, her dress gone and exchanged for a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt.

“Jamie? You forgot something?” 

“I don’t need to sleep.”

“What?” 

“I don’t need to sleep on it. I know what I want. I want us, I want you. Always did. Always will. You’re the only person I want to talk to when I feel shit and you’re the first person I want to tell when something good’s happened. I want to ride my bike with you the way we did when we were kids and eat freddos with you even if they’re 50 fucking pence now, which is insane. I want to go to weddings with you and dress up fancy and I want to sit on the couch and watch movies with you we’ve both seen a million times. I want you to make fun of my stupid earring and have you help me dye my hair and I want to kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are every single fucking day. I want everything and anything as long as it involves you. And I don’t need to sleep on it. I am sure.” 

“Jamie?” 

“Yeah?!”

“Kiss me!” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice. 

It feels right, to hold her and to kiss her. Like all his life has been leading up to this moment. To her soft lips on his and her hands in his hair and his hands on her waist.

And he thinks she might just feel the same. She doesn’t need to say it to let him know. She tells him with his tongue, with the gentle touch of her fingers against his skin, with her breath in his lungs. 

He is 9 years old and also 12 and also 14 and 16 and 20 and 25. He is all those versions of himself and each of them was and is in love with (Y/N).

[carelocaiiel]

Here's something that i noticed after finishing Dunmeshi manga, dunmeshi adventure's bible complete edition and dunmeshi daydream hour complete edition.....

IM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HELKI 🥲.

(and ofc Laios and Grandpa Mithrun and our beloved divorced middle aged man Chil)

But Helki tho..who the hell is this extra character??

My first thought of him is "Damn! is dat Kabru's Mom's lackey.. poor guy..I feel ya!"

But gradually im becoming more aware and more curious of him, since he keep coming in the extra stories 😂.

This mothafucka really ask "Yo kid.. Wanna eat dis cake?" while drenched in blood

And.. The audacity to eat the cake while staring at poor rin 😭

And look at him getting disgusted by bloody wet sticky mithrun 😂

I WAS LIKE, OH C'MON HE WOULD MAKE AN INTERESTING CHARACTER!

I would love to see his dynamic with Milsiril too! Oh c'mn Kui.. Give us some more extra stories about past canaries!

I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HIS CRIME TOO KUI! LIKE WTH THIS MAN DO ? HE SEEMS LIKE A SIMPLEMINDED IDIOT TYPE TO ME 😭

I understand that he's not relevant for the plot, but still .. I think there are a lot of manga readers that adore him or him and Milsiril's dynamic! It would be such a shame to throw some potential good extra stories. At least as his fan it would be great to see a character description like everybody else.. I mean, he's doing a pretty good job in Utaya.

Like Kui.. whats the point of stirring us fans with that Q&A in Shanghai about Helsiril Kuii 🥺🥺 Damn you.. I love you but aarhhh

Its nice to see Helki loving the elf cake since Milsiril herself is a picky eater and her fav food according to her data is that elf cake (Its cute if she can only make that 🥲), even though according to Thistle , Kabru, and delgal that cake is somewhat weird.

If you want to see some fanmade about HelkixMilsiril, u guys can search in google,twitter, danbooru, pixiv by type ヘルキ or ヘルキ×ミルシリル or helsiril or helki... Its nice to see a lot of passionate fans.. But again, it WOULD BE REALLY NICE IF THERE ARE SOME CANON EXPLANATION ABOUT HIS CHARACTER ☺️🤧.

This is me everytime i think bout him

And this is me with non-helki lovers but we got the same love for dunmeshi