#Geralt is stupid
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Prompt 61
Was talking back and forth with @bakewrite in the comments of my other prompts and this idea popped into my head and won't leave me alone I think @thedemonofcat did a similar prompt to this, about Geralt buying a book about caring for your companion (dog)? Can someone link that to me if they find it lol Geralt walks into a bookstore, and asks if they have anything on how to care for bards. The bookstore clerk has bad hearing, and mistakenly thinks this witcher is looking for a guidebook on how to care for birds. He has a copy of one, so he hands it over in exchange for a reasonable amount of coins, he thinks. Geralt meanwhile is pretty sure he was ripped off. Some of this stuff doesn't sound right.. But he doesn't know enough about normal humans - let alone BARDS - to truly disprove of anything. Some of it makes sense. It recommends to not clip their wings, unless their reckless flight could end up in them being injured. Geralt understands that one. He agrees, in a way. He would never restrict his Bard's freedom, but sometimes he must deny his bard a sexual conquest or party he wants to attend, in order to keep him safe from something or someone. Not even mentioning all the times a hunt is so dangerous he has to keep Jaskier safe at the inn, much to Jaskier's chagrin. It also recommends to feed them fresh fruits along with their seed. It must mean to give them some healthy vitamin-filled fruit alongside bread and other grain based foods, right? All of these sound well and good, but then there's also a chapter explicitly stating that albeit they love touch and petting, you mustn't touch their backs, or else they'll get aroused. Geralt has touched Jaskier's back along the years, he should've known better than to make Jaskier uncomfortable. But Jaskier never seemed angry? In fact, he seemed to enjoy whenever Geralt touched his b- Oh gods, Jaskier LIKES when he touches his back! But page 202 says you aren't to let them like when you touch their back! It also says not to let them be attracted to you, but Geralt wouldn't actually mind if his bard was attracted to him- He shouldn't keep thinking along this path. Its dangerous. It says they like shiny, colorful, and easy-to-destroy enrichment items, but Geralt's bard must be special, in that Jaskier loves shiny things and colorful things, but would prefer things to stay together. Then again, some of his clothing WAS quite delicate... They're very clean, they enjoy baths, and they love to preen. Yes, yes, he already knows this. Sometimes they bite when stressed? Odd, Jaskier hasn't bitten him when stressed. Perhaps he's one of the more docile bards... Bards more unruly than Jaskier... Now that's a terrifying thought. Jaskier starts mumbling in his sleep, and Geralt sets aside his book, tucking it into his bags. He'll hold onto his bard now, and finish his book tomorrow night.
#geraskier#the witcher#geralt x jaskier#witcher fanfiction#fanfiction prompts#geralt x dandelion#geralt loves his bard!#writing prompts#requited unrequited love#friends to lovers#love confessions#first kiss#Geralt is stupid#Geralt is dumb#Geralt Of Rivia is a canonical Himbo#Himbo Geralt#can you tell i own a bunch of birds#i still tried to make the chapters vague though lol#Geralt: “it says in the book that he should love bells” Jaskier when anything dingdings: “:O”#Geralt: “It says in the book that he may be afraid of his reflection... That or he may be friends with it.”#Jaskier looking at his reflection first thing in the morning: “Eulgh i am NOT going out like this!”#Geralt: “I knew it”#Jaskier looking at his reflection after he gets ready for the day: “Now THAT is a handsome man! Hellooo~”#Geralt: “I KNEW IT”
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It’s been ten years since I finished a drawing so please enjoy these two idiots I drew all the way back in 2021 😭🤣
#procreate#doodle#my art#the witcher#jaskier#gerlion#geralt of rivia#geralt x jaskier#geraskier#they have too many fucking names between them lmao#I’ve been sick this past week so I haven’t even been able to work on any drawings :(#I have a very stupid comic I’m working on for them if that interests anyone lol (and if I ever finish it >:T)#anyhoo this one’s old but I like them :> I think I got the idea from a text post I saw? I have no idea anymore tho sorry#honestly I like how I drew dandy here he has a good energy to him#I feel like I’ve gotten worse at drawing him alksajcklsndflkn rip
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Geralt: Jaskier, what are you doing?
Jaskier (hand in Geralt's pants) You told me to grab your sword.
Geralt: …
Geralt: I should've known better.
Jaskier: I can stop.
Geralt: Don't.
#i will never tire of this stupid joke#geralt of rivia#jaskier#geraskier#the witcher#witcher#jaskier x geralt
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Geralt meets up with Jaskier at the marketplace only to find him unusually flustered by some merchant he's talking to. Strange, usually its the other way around. Rolling his eyes at another possible angry spouse situation, Geralt stalks his way towards them.
He couldn't really tell you why exactly he's more irritated now- when Jaskier is the one stuttering and blushing under the charms of this fucking nobody- and so he pointedly ignores the little twinge he feels in his chest .
The merchant stands to casually roll the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows and smiling wider when Jaskier knocks his lutecase against the stall, thoroughly distracted.
With a low growl he didn't realize he was doing, Geralt lays a hand on Jaskier's shoulder once he's close enough. The bard squeaks, turning to Geralt and flushes a deeper shade of red.
"G-Geralt! I didn't hear you, my friend." The bard smiles, but his eyes are slightly frantic.
"Is everything alright?" He asks and before his bard could answer-
"Everything just fine, my good witcher! Was just asking Master Jaskier here to tell me a few stories of his travels." Geralt turns, eye twitching slightly at the interruption. He finally gets a good look at the fucker who seems to have his bard in a blushing mess. Dark wavy hair, strong build, piercing blue eyes, strong jaw and dimples as he smiles.
Nothing they hasn't seen before. Daresay, Geralt might even guess that this man- no, this boy was downright boring to look at, compared to all the other colorful people Jaskier surrounds himself with. Still, the child continues.
"I was just wondering if he had the time to tell me a few over dinner-"
"He's busy."
"Oh, well maybe at breakfas-"
"We leave at dawn."
A tense silence settles between the three. Jaskier's eyes widen upon reading Geralt's attitude. His witcher was thoroughly annoyed. Why? He's not so sure yet but with the snarl on his face and the clenching fists, Jaskier figures it's probably best if they leave now.
"Okay I think it's about time we settle back at the inn, wouldn't you say, Geralt? Right." He doesn't wait for a response, instead snaking his hand around Geralt's arm and tugging hard.
"Henry! Wonderful meeting you, of course. Thank you for your lovely company this afternoon but I'm afraid we have a contract bright and early tomorrow so we really must go. Goodbye!" Jaskier watches the young man startle from his frozen state to a disappointed look as they walk away. Jaskier is reminded of a kicked puppy.
Once they were a safe distance away, the bard turns to ask what the hell was all that about when he realizes that Geralt was straining his neck looking back at the man, eyes narrowed with one of those scowls Jaskier sees him use on people who think its a good idea to touch Roach, or one of his bags, or apparently now Jaskier himself.
"Will you stop that??" The bard all but smacks Geralt's face forward to stop him. The witcher, ever stubborn resists and only relents when he feels a palm cup his cheek to face him.
"What the fuck had you so enamored with him?" Geralt grumbles, like a grump. Jask stops them and shoots him a confused look.
"You don't see it?" He cryptically says, which only confuses Geralt as well.
"See what?" A beat of silence before Jaskier huffs an amused laugh and drags them into the inn, arms linked.
"Nevermind." Jaskier smiles.
#geraskier#geralt x jaskier#the witcher#geraskier headcanon#something stupid#geralt got a doppleganger#but he's an idiot#fanfic
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I have created something perhaps ungodly:
Outfit swap! \(^_^)/
#the witcher books#dandelion#geralt of rivia#my art#giggling to myself this is so stupid#I hope I have managed to capture the unsettling of Geralt's stare
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I'm browsing new gym kit and buying the shirts that remind me of the witchers.
Eskel (left), Lambert (right).
Geralt (left), Vesemir (right).
Coën.
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Nothing to see here, just Jaskier pining as usual
#this is so stupid but i couldn't help it#this technically isn’t a tiktok bc even though i made it there i didn’t post it#i only made for tumblr#and maybe twitter idk yet#oh to be a side character mortal bard doomed to pine after the immortal witcher and sorceress main characters...#twn#the witcher#geraskier#geralt of rivia#jaskier#geraskefer#yennralt#yenralt#yennskier#yenskier#yennefer of vengerberg#geralt x jaskier x yennefer#video#my edit#crispy#the witcher netflix#shitpost#meme#julian alfred pankratz#gerlion#dandelion#those funko pops have their uses huh
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Me: He is a prick, and idiot, an as*hole, a know it all, arrogant and absolutely impossible to bear......
and i freaking love him
#he is an a*shole but lovable#there are only two options: either you hate him or you love him#and i most certainly love this stupid d*ckhead#he is an idiot but his humor never fails#the witcher 3#witcher 3 wild hunt#witcher 3#geralt of rivia#kaer morhen#witcher lambert#wolf witchers#school of the wolf#picture from pinterest
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Mind ending, world ending, heart wrenching affairs - part 1
Following this little scene with Vespula I was inspired to sum up Jaskier's big love stories. And he is right...
In fact I want to tell the story in a more formal and detailed way but doing some gif to illustrated my parts, I found funny to just make a visual edition of it.
This part sums up in less than 10 gifs his emotional journey in his Geraskier story. Enjoy ❤️
Next one is Radskier ☺️
#jaskier#geralt#vespula#milva#mind ending world ending heart wrenching affairs#geraskier#my potato gifs#stupid ideas i have sometimes#tws3#tws3 spoilers
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regis wore these at stygga btw
#dressed elegantly AND accessorized 💅#geralt sadly looking at the melted column like all thats left of my good friend regis is an outline and these hot little shades 😔✊️#ill never forget him#the witcher#the witcher books#emiel regis#laura reads the witcher#supremely stupid post. supremely stupid
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Prompt 52
Jaskier is running away from his abusive home, cutting them all off without a word, and disappearing into the night to move to somewhere with a better future for himself. Only issue? He has no car, or money. So he sucks it up and tries hitchhiking, regardless of all the horror stories everyone tells you about. He was expecting some awkward drive with some old random trucker or something, like what always happens in the movies. What he wasn't expecting was for three brothers on a yearly family bonding road trip to agree to take him with them across multiple states (or uk equivalent) What he REALLY wasn't expecting was to fall in love with one of the men, who has long white hair, piercing golden eyes, an awkward-shaped smile, a ridiculously named pet horse, and a stupid sense of humor.
#modern au#road trip#road trip au#hitchhiking#hitchhiker au#geraskier#fanfiction prompts#geralt x dandelion#the witcher#geralt x jaskier#witcher fanfiction#geralt loves his bard!#writing prompts#fluff#fluffy#strangers to friends to lovers#optional aiden tagging along as lamberts plus one#give me jask and lambert spraying gas station pop directly into their mouth#and jask and eskel birdwatching at a rest stop#and geralt sitting uncomfortably so that jask can sleep leaning against him#kaer morons#the witchers#eskel#ALIVE ESKEL#(stupid netflix show)#lambert#witcher eskel#witcher lambert
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dandelion: geralt — a moment ago, i spoke with a dryad in the common speech, she spoke without an accent, she told me . . .
geralt: you dreamed it, dandelion. this is brokilon. many things can be dreamed here.
dandelion: really?
geralt: of course. many strange and illusory things can be dreamed. for instance, i dreamed we had sex last night.
dandelion:
dandelion: that actually happened, though
geralt:
geralt: oh yeah. so it did
#go read time of contempt ch 5 if you didnt understand this#geralt x dandelion#gerlion#geraskier#geralt x jaskier#jaskier#time of contempt#mutuals dont watch me summon the dark forces with my tags alright#sorry this is so stupid but i thought of it and now everyone will just have to deal#woe. BOOK FANON be upon ye#return to book fanon where every gerlion shipper knows they had some kind of emotional reunion in august#the witcher books#book: time of contempt#because i wish to eat a third donut#s: i want to be by your side
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I am here once again to remind you of the potential vampire Jaskier has.
Little fragile and mortal human Jaskier, used to rely on others for safety is suddenly given incredible powers with which he could rival Gerald if he wanted to. He was given the ability to say enough without fearing for his life.
#I've read every vampire jaskier fic under the sun and they're all fantastic#BUT NOBODY HAS EVER MANAGED TO CATCH THE SPECIFIC FLAVOUR I'M LOOKING FOR#for context the flavour I'm looking for is unfulfilled bitter revenge with subsequent reconciliation#is this the thing that breaks me and makes me write my first fic?#probably not#i can give you all the fanart in the world but me brain stupid i cannot word#jaskier#vampire!jaskier#geralt#the witcher#fic prompt
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listen i am geralt of rivia hater number one but one thing i actually CANNOT stand is when the fandom mischaracterizes him. took one look at this man who speaks very straight-forwardly and matter-of-fact and is a little recalcitrant with his words sometimes and went "haha he communicates in grunts! man who only says 'hm'!" and then won't even write him to speak in full fucking sentences. hello???? hello???????? yes the netflix show was a bad influence on everybody because they were trying too hard to depict geralt as a stoic manly badass but we CANNOT let that distract us from the REAL thing to make fun of geralt for. which are his Constant Unprovoked Monologues
#also the fact that he fakes his dumb stupid little rivian accent because the man was NOT raised in rivia. but i digress#'haha he only says hm!' where were you for every episode when he launched into a speech about the lesser evil. that's like. the whole thing#geralt of rivia will do nothing But talk once you let him. don't give that bitch a chance! he'll start up about honor again!!!#convinced that most of this is because netflix show insisted on showing us him around jaskier so much#and jaskier does not shut up. love him to death. but geralt genuinely does not have time to get a word in edgewise#i will admit that this is something that i had to learn by reading the books and paying more attention to it#but it's not like he DOESN'T do it in the show. if you ever sit with a witcher episode transcript for whatever reason#and really take a look at geralt's lines. man he talks a whole fucking lot.#again cannot emphasize enough that he Monologues. HE TALKS HIS WAY OUT OF SO MANY SITUATIONS.#me when i look filavandrel of the elves in the eyes and 'hm' at him and he lets me go. no bitch he monologued!!!!#terrible. terrible. let this man speak. if i see you fanfic bitches continue making him talk in sentence fragments again i'm gonna kill#as for my own fanfic. i will always prefer a geralt who talks too much to be believable over a geralt who barely speaks at all.#both because i believe in letting him speak his mind which he OBVIOUSLY likes to do. sideeyes him.#and because it's just fucking boring and a little annoying to read speech patterns that don't sound like how people talk.#cough cough lan wanji the untamed. man i'm not sitting here and reading this motherfucker's two word sentences#let him speak!!!!!!#anyway.#geralt of rivia#the witcher#fanfic
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his thot detector just went off and it's beeping hard for the silver fox in the corner
#he's so pretty though#look at his eyelashes glowing in the sunlight#and his stupid lil shirt#asi rambles#jaskier#jaskier the bard#julian alfred pankratz#dandelion#the sandpiper#twn#the witcher netflix#witcher#the witcher#wiedzmin#geralt#geralt of rivia#geraskier
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Rating: E
Ship: Geraskefer
Summary:
“Jaskier's cursed,” he said bluntly, “we need you to break it.”
She looked the bard up and down. He looked fine outwardly. There were no obvious signs. Whoever had cursed him must have been fond of his pretty face to not marr it.
“What kind of curse?”
This time Geralt didn't save him. He twisted his head towards him and nodded towards her. If it were possible, Jaskier turned even more red. He chewed his lip nervously before answering.
“It doesn't work,” he mumbled.
“Sorry, what?”
“It. Doesn't. Work.”
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Jaskier and Geralt seek Yennefer out to break a curse. It seems they'll have to do this the old fashioned way.
#the witcher#the witcher fanfiction#geraskefer#geralt of rivia#yennefer of vengerberg#jaskier#the witcher netflix#twn#hi I wrote a stupid fic enjoy
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