#Geralt is stupid
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
geraskierfanficprompts · 6 months ago
Text
Prompt 61
Was talking back and forth with @bakewrite in the comments of my other prompts and this idea popped into my head and won't leave me alone I think @thedemonofcat did a similar prompt to this, about Geralt buying a book about caring for your companion (dog)? Can someone link that to me if they find it lol Geralt walks into a bookstore, and asks if they have anything on how to care for bards. The bookstore clerk has bad hearing, and mistakenly thinks this witcher is looking for a guidebook on how to care for birds. He has a copy of one, so he hands it over in exchange for a reasonable amount of coins, he thinks. Geralt meanwhile is pretty sure he was ripped off. Some of this stuff doesn't sound right.. But he doesn't know enough about normal humans - let alone BARDS - to truly disprove of anything. Some of it makes sense. It recommends to not clip their wings, unless their reckless flight could end up in them being injured. Geralt understands that one. He agrees, in a way. He would never restrict his Bard's freedom, but sometimes he must deny his bard a sexual conquest or party he wants to attend, in order to keep him safe from something or someone. Not even mentioning all the times a hunt is so dangerous he has to keep Jaskier safe at the inn, much to Jaskier's chagrin. It also recommends to feed them fresh fruits along with their seed. It must mean to give them some healthy vitamin-filled fruit alongside bread and other grain based foods, right? All of these sound well and good, but then there's also a chapter explicitly stating that albeit they love touch and petting, you mustn't touch their backs, or else they'll get aroused. Geralt has touched Jaskier's back along the years, he should've known better than to make Jaskier uncomfortable. But Jaskier never seemed angry? In fact, he seemed to enjoy whenever Geralt touched his b- Oh gods, Jaskier LIKES when he touches his back! But page 202 says you aren't to let them like when you touch their back! It also says not to let them be attracted to you, but Geralt wouldn't actually mind if his bard was attracted to him- He shouldn't keep thinking along this path. Its dangerous. It says they like shiny, colorful, and easy-to-destroy enrichment items, but Geralt's bard must be special, in that Jaskier loves shiny things and colorful things, but would prefer things to stay together. Then again, some of his clothing WAS quite delicate... They're very clean, they enjoy baths, and they love to preen. Yes, yes, he already knows this. Sometimes they bite when stressed? Odd, Jaskier hasn't bitten him when stressed. Perhaps he's one of the more docile bards... Bards more unruly than Jaskier... Now that's a terrifying thought. Jaskier starts mumbling in his sleep, and Geralt sets aside his book, tucking it into his bags. He'll hold onto his bard now, and finish his book tomorrow night.
124 notes · View notes
pixlatedvampire · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
It’s been ten years since I finished a drawing so please enjoy these two idiots I drew all the way back in 2021 😭🤣
2K notes · View notes
weird-an · 10 months ago
Text
Geralt: Jaskier, what are you doing?
Jaskier (hand in Geralt's pants) You told me to grab your sword.
Geralt: …
Geralt: I should've known better.
Jaskier: I can stop.
Geralt: Don't.
243 notes · View notes
tielmamon · 10 months ago
Text
Geralt meets up with Jaskier at the marketplace only to find him unusually flustered by some merchant he's talking to. Strange, usually its the other way around. Rolling his eyes at another possible angry spouse situation, Geralt stalks his way towards them.
He couldn't really tell you why exactly he's more irritated now- when Jaskier is the one stuttering and blushing under the charms of this fucking nobody- and so he pointedly ignores the little twinge he feels in his chest .
The merchant stands to casually roll the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows and smiling wider when Jaskier knocks his lutecase against the stall, thoroughly distracted.
With a low growl he didn't realize he was doing, Geralt lays a hand on Jaskier's shoulder once he's close enough. The bard squeaks, turning to Geralt and flushes a deeper shade of red.
"G-Geralt! I didn't hear you, my friend." The bard smiles, but his eyes are slightly frantic.
"Is everything alright?" He asks and before his bard could answer-
"Everything just fine, my good witcher! Was just asking Master Jaskier here to tell me a few stories of his travels." Geralt turns, eye twitching slightly at the interruption. He finally gets a good look at the fucker who seems to have his bard in a blushing mess. Dark wavy hair, strong build, piercing blue eyes, strong jaw and dimples as he smiles.
Nothing they hasn't seen before. Daresay, Geralt might even guess that this man- no, this boy was downright boring to look at, compared to all the other colorful people Jaskier surrounds himself with. Still, the child continues.
"I was just wondering if he had the time to tell me a few over dinner-"
"He's busy."
"Oh, well maybe at breakfas-"
"We leave at dawn."
A tense silence settles between the three. Jaskier's eyes widen upon reading Geralt's attitude. His witcher was thoroughly annoyed. Why? He's not so sure yet but with the snarl on his face and the clenching fists, Jaskier figures it's probably best if they leave now.
"Okay I think it's about time we settle back at the inn, wouldn't you say, Geralt? Right." He doesn't wait for a response, instead snaking his hand around Geralt's arm and tugging hard.
"Henry! Wonderful meeting you, of course. Thank you for your lovely company this afternoon but I'm afraid we have a contract bright and early tomorrow so we really must go. Goodbye!" Jaskier watches the young man startle from his frozen state to a disappointed look as they walk away. Jaskier is reminded of a kicked puppy.
Once they were a safe distance away, the bard turns to ask what the hell was all that about when he realizes that Geralt was straining his neck looking back at the man, eyes narrowed with one of those scowls Jaskier sees him use on people who think its a good idea to touch Roach, or one of his bags, or apparently now Jaskier himself.
"Will you stop that??" The bard all but smacks Geralt's face forward to stop him. The witcher, ever stubborn resists and only relents when he feels a palm cup his cheek to face him.
"What the fuck had you so enamored with him?" Geralt grumbles, like a grump. Jask stops them and shoots him a confused look.
"You don't see it?" He cryptically says, which only confuses Geralt as well.
"See what?" A beat of silence before Jaskier huffs an amused laugh and drags them into the inn, arms linked.
"Nevermind." Jaskier smiles.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
262 notes · View notes
bilberry-jam · 7 months ago
Text
I have created something perhaps ungodly:
Tumblr media
Outfit swap! \(^_^)/
71 notes · View notes
hanzajesthanza · 2 days ago
Text
a book with geralt 😃
a book with geralt without ciri 😐
a book with geralt without yennefer 😔
a book with geralt without dandelion 💀
#he is going to be going THROUGH IT#he is going to get up to some absolutely poetless behavior#and by that i’m expecting at least one suicide attempt from him#maybe it’s just me and my ‘suffered socially in middle school’ type of memories#but being alone is so soooo painful and going back to that geralt before his best friend and his wife and his child is going to be like#remember when geralt didn’t have much reason to live remember that time in his life#geralt as a near-middle age adult: oh my god this guy is so sad#geralt as a young adult: 😶💀 [speechless at the suffering]#unless dandelion does show up in this somehow but that would pose more logistical questions#imagine we see posada and they meet then and it’s revealed that edge of the world actually takes place with them like 19 and 26 or some#unexpected consideration like… reading eotw back i’m going to be like wait… how old WERE you two here how long ago WAS this#because characters unlike people are immortal because they are ideas#so when you imagine geralt and dandelion even ‘a long time ago’ i just imagine them slightly younger#whatever is done dandelion’s age will never make sense because count 38 and subtract 15. this is his age when ciri was born.#and yet he is hanging out with geralt here in his 30s because friendship is so eternal it slipped the author’s mind to change them#unlike in-universe netwitcher headcanons about jaskier being immortal i believe dandelion is immortal in a meta sense of his presence is so#necessary for geralt’s character that despite logic he must be there for him in the same form no matter the circumstances#geralt and dandelion meeting as young men: [each thinking to himself] ‘huh this guy is stupid and looks gay’#and then an epic best friendship was formed forever. i love you ❤️#the elbow-high diaries
33 notes · View notes
on-a-lucky-tide · 1 year ago
Text
I'm browsing new gym kit and buying the shirts that remind me of the witchers.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Eskel (left), Lambert (right).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Geralt (left), Vesemir (right).
Tumblr media
Coën.
165 notes · View notes
hannibard · 2 months ago
Text
Nothing to see here, just Jaskier pining as usual
28 notes · View notes
fangirlforeversthings · 3 months ago
Text
Me: He is a prick, and idiot, an as*hole, a know it all, arrogant and absolutely impossible to bear......
and i freaking love him
Tumblr media
33 notes · View notes
my-jokes-are-my-armour · 1 year ago
Text
Mind ending, world ending, heart wrenching affairs - part 1
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Following this little scene with Vespula I was inspired to sum up Jaskier's big love stories. And he is right...
In fact I want to tell the story in a more formal and detailed way but doing some gif to illustrated my parts, I found funny to just make a visual edition of it.
This part sums up in less than 10 gifs his emotional journey in his Geraskier story. Enjoy ❤️
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Next one is Radskier ☺️
226 notes · View notes
geraskierfanficprompts · 6 months ago
Text
Prompt 52
Jaskier is running away from his abusive home, cutting them all off without a word, and disappearing into the night to move to somewhere with a better future for himself. Only issue? He has no car, or money. So he sucks it up and tries hitchhiking, regardless of all the horror stories everyone tells you about. He was expecting some awkward drive with some old random trucker or something, like what always happens in the movies. What he wasn't expecting was for three brothers on a yearly family bonding road trip to agree to take him with them across multiple states (or uk equivalent) What he REALLY wasn't expecting was to fall in love with one of the men, who has long white hair, piercing golden eyes, an awkward-shaped smile, a ridiculously named pet horse, and a stupid sense of humor.
170 notes · View notes
not-your-bro · 1 year ago
Text
regis wore these at stygga btw
Tumblr media
160 notes · View notes
sandinthepipes · 7 months ago
Text
I am here once again to remind you of the potential vampire Jaskier has.
Little fragile and mortal human Jaskier, used to rely on others for safety is suddenly given incredible powers with which he could rival Gerald if he wanted to. He was given the ability to say enough without fearing for his life.
39 notes · View notes
vulpinesaint · 7 months ago
Text
listen i am geralt of rivia hater number one but one thing i actually CANNOT stand is when the fandom mischaracterizes him. took one look at this man who speaks very straight-forwardly and matter-of-fact and is a little recalcitrant with his words sometimes and went "haha he communicates in grunts! man who only says 'hm'!" and then won't even write him to speak in full fucking sentences. hello???? hello???????? yes the netflix show was a bad influence on everybody because they were trying too hard to depict geralt as a stoic manly badass but we CANNOT let that distract us from the REAL thing to make fun of geralt for. which are his Constant Unprovoked Monologues
#also the fact that he fakes his dumb stupid little rivian accent because the man was NOT raised in rivia. but i digress#'haha he only says hm!' where were you for every episode when he launched into a speech about the lesser evil. that's like. the whole thing#geralt of rivia will do nothing But talk once you let him. don't give that bitch a chance! he'll start up about honor again!!!#convinced that most of this is because netflix show insisted on showing us him around jaskier so much#and jaskier does not shut up. love him to death. but geralt genuinely does not have time to get a word in edgewise#i will admit that this is something that i had to learn by reading the books and paying more attention to it#but it's not like he DOESN'T do it in the show. if you ever sit with a witcher episode transcript for whatever reason#and really take a look at geralt's lines. man he talks a whole fucking lot.#again cannot emphasize enough that he Monologues. HE TALKS HIS WAY OUT OF SO MANY SITUATIONS.#me when i look filavandrel of the elves in the eyes and 'hm' at him and he lets me go. no bitch he monologued!!!!#terrible. terrible. let this man speak. if i see you fanfic bitches continue making him talk in sentence fragments again i'm gonna kill#as for my own fanfic. i will always prefer a geralt who talks too much to be believable over a geralt who barely speaks at all.#both because i believe in letting him speak his mind which he OBVIOUSLY likes to do. sideeyes him.#and because it's just fucking boring and a little annoying to read speech patterns that don't sound like how people talk.#cough cough lan wanji the untamed. man i'm not sitting here and reading this motherfucker's two word sentences#let him speak!!!!!!#anyway.#geralt of rivia#the witcher#fanfic
40 notes · View notes
spilledbutter · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
his thot detector just went off and it's beeping hard for the silver fox in the corner
381 notes · View notes
hanzajesthanza · 8 days ago
Text
geralt is also a most real depiction of good quality fatherhood and great girldad representation because EVEN THOUGH witchers don’t even experience aging at the same rate as non-GMO humans, EVEN THOUGH it would be “biologically impossible,”
geralt having had been raising a pre-teen girl for maybe a few months to a year already “gave the impression of having aged,” his “face slashed by wrinkles.” the emotional toll on this man from raising she-devil ciri
Tumblr media Tumblr media
and this is only the very beginning of the saga. BEFORE everything goes to shit. the wrinkles have set in
#i know this is description is colored by triss’… [sighs] aroused… point of view#but the lines in the second screenshot are such a good description of him come on 🥺#same with when cahir sees ciri then him at thanedd#it’s not canon but please also apply to yennefer post-thanedd 🙏#can you imagine geralt and yennefer reuniting at stygga castle and yennefer only got even more MILFy#sorry. who said that#it’s actually surprising that when geralt frees her from her shackles#we don’t get a paragraph about how he was down bad. not the time geralt but you know he would be thinking ‘ravishing’#meanwhile yennefer is covered in blood and bruises and her hands are fucked from torture and geralt’s still adoring her beauty#yennefer: at her most undignified | geralt: i would worship her#yes yes i know they were defeated and horribly empty at stygga castle#but i’m just saying despite it all the love and attraction persisted. despite IT ALL#you know like they changed so much and got even more fucked up and traumatized#well i’m just raising my hand to say well also they also got sexier.#actually fuck it remember she appears like a titaness for a brief moment. her short queen REALNESS#like i do think geralt deciding to split up is what further doomed the hanza (they were already doomed but you know)#(it was very scooby doo of him to do that)#(on the way there) ​angoulême sees stygga on the cliffside jutting out above the lake: what?! that creepy castle… nuh-uh…#milva: … would you do it for a bump of fisstech? | angoulême: … | milva: two bumps of fisstech?#um anyways#i was going to say that ​once geralt freed yennefer it was OVERRR for vilgefortz and skellen and co#BOOO you were all fucked. woman unleashed#remember when bonhart attacks yennefer it is like a lion and a panther in the cell#geralt just unleashed the panther on them#they really should have had yennefer under stronger security like i guess vilgefortz’ misogyny really was the death of him#that is also kind of true because he dies because of geralt’s amulet from fringilla#so it was literally because of several women and a girl and also a vampire that he triumphs#you know when you put dandelion with a group of women it feels like a fox in a henhouse. even if said fox is stupid and gets kicked#however putting regis with a group of women is something like the angel that appeared to mary#the elbow-high diaries
22 notes · View notes