#Garrets Picks

[telly-tell-alls]

I started watching FROM from the start..which was a season ago.

It’s a sleeper you don’t want to sleep on, it started on EPIX but now it’s on mgm+

It’s actually pretty spooky. On a side note after a few episodes try not to sing along to the intro music…

[umi-world]

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

Happy Valentine's day from Crimson Hydrangea to you!

[hoyt-and-cavanaugh]

[bonniehooper]

Top Picks of 2024

My Top 12 Favorite TV Shows - #2: High Potential

Show Premiered: September 17th, 2024

Started Watching: ^

[gibbearish]

everyones predicting garret will be this universe's charlie and possess the puppet which i don't disagree with. but also. would it not be an equally exciting twist if garret was still alive

[redcoralpot]

Tougher Than Nails - Mike Schmidt X M!Reader

Warnings/Details: NSFW content, implied substance abuse, alcohol, cowboy!reader, hankie/cowboy hat code.

Summary: Mike goes to a bar downtown in hopes of getting his mind off of court, but instead finds something much healthier.

A/N: Everyone should thank my boyfriend for this idea; he's always the one that reminds me that I am technically a 'cowboy'. He saves a horse very often.

Word Count: 1.8K

-

-

Bars weren’t really Mike’s thing. Any alcohol he’s ever had tasted like crap, and becoming an alcoholic would just be another check on Aunt Jane’s list to prove to the court that he wasn’t suitable for custody. Hell, he swore her perfume was still clinging onto his nose hairs, and all he wanted to do was escape her. Escape reality, too. Mike remembered when his father used to do just that after Garret disappeared, drowning himself in the bitter liquid at night, his speech slurred. That’s why he was here, at a bar in downtown Afton, while Maxine stayed with Abby. He was desperate.

The building was crowded, delightful chatter and jazz music filling the air. Lights were strung along the wooden walls, narrowly dodging the black and white photos hanging by themselves. More customers squeezed in behind him; Mike frantically searched for any open spot in the room. Hallelujah– a single stool was left vacant near the serving counter, and Mike shuffled into it, shoulders tense. The bartender seemed to notice his presence, as she leaned towards the man, still shaking another person’s drink. 

“You’re a new face,” she rattled, “may I see your license?”

Mike fumbled with his wallet, sliding the card for her to see, “Uh, sure.”

“Right, you’re all clear; would you like to open a tab?”

A man cut in before he could answer, and for the first time, Mike got a good look at the person sitting beside him, “Just add whatever he orders to mine, Molly.” 

She shrugged, the key hanging from her left pocket jingling, “Easier for me.”

You chuckled, the brim of your hat covering your eyes. It was decorated with embroidery and leather, complimenting your purple button up shirt, though that was partially hidden by a black vest. Two hankies hung out of your back, left pocket, similar to Molly’s keychain. One was rust colored, but the other was a complimentary gray; Mike thought it was an interesting stylistic choice. 

“I’ll just have a beer, thanks.”

As the bartender turned, scribbling in a notebook, you inquired, “So, what’s a fine boy like you doing ‘round these parts?”

Mike grabbed the foaming beer that was placed in front of him, “I live nearby.”

“That’s not the only reason, is it?”

He hesitated to answer, instead choosing to take a long sip of the beverage. It burned down his throat, the flavor making his lips curl and his head a little more dizzy. Somehow, it loosened his will, and he found his lips moving without his permission. Your energy was just hypnotizing; he felt himself being pulled in.

“Needed a break from stress,” Mike admitted, picking at the glass’ label.

You cocked your head to the side, your hat tipping upward, “Just ‘cause you’re in a hole, doesn’t mean you gotta keep digging. Alcohol isn’t the cure to what you’re feelin’.”

“What am I supposed to do? Not even my medicine works anymore.”

“I go here for stress relief too,” you assured, downing a shot, “but not necessarily for the drinks.”

Your hand hovered over the small of his back, looking at him for consent. When he didn’t move away, you settled your fingers there, feeling a shiver run through Mike’s body. Some of the previous tension released from his shoulders, and he almost leaned back in relief. Many of the customers in this bar were paired with the same sex, unlike most of the movies he’d seen that included the subject. So, he supposed it wouldn’t look too weird if he did.

You elaborated, “People can be cruel, can’t they, sweetheart? Comin’ to a place like this, where everyone’s like me in some way or another, is a damn good bonus.”

“Like you?”

“Y’know,” you gestured to your handkerchiefs, “queer and such.”

He paused, “Ah.”

“You didn’t know this was a boy bar?”

Mike replied, “I kinda just looked up the closest bar to my house.”

…

“Good to know.” Your hand fell away from his back.

He almost chased it. Mike liked the feeling, the weight of your fingers pressing into such an intimate spot. However, he wasn’t tipsy enough for that, and controlled himself. He watched as you spoke to Molly, the lady’s eyes flicking towards him and back, and you slipped her the money needed to cover the tab. You tipped your hat towards Mike, a respectful way to put distance between you, before disappearing into the suffocating crowd. Molly side eyed him, sweeping away his bottle, before leaving as well. Mike swallowed, pulling loose skin from his bottom lip with his teeth. It was now, or never– perhaps alcohol wasn’t the only way, after all. You were right. 

Mike could still see the very top of your hat swerving above the crowd, and he trailed after it to the best of his ability. A random girl almost elbowed him in the face, and he was sure his shins would be bruised after tonight. Your shadow was reflecting in the glass door, growing fainter and fainter as you walked further away, your hips swaying. Mike pushed it open, the vision dissolving, and cold air stung his cheeks. The moon reflected off of car hoods, the only way he was able to see where he was running. His hand reached out and grabbed your arm, as you flinched.

Mike’s ears were red, probably from the alcohol, and you stared at him, “What’re you doing?”

“I don’t know,” was the only answer you got before your collar was jerked forward.

Your lips crashed violently with his; your teeth clicking as he struggled to pull you closer. Mike was still fisting your shirt as you brought your hands to cup his jaw and the back of his neck, trying to gentle the kiss. 

You mumbled against his mouth, “Better not be some experiment of yours, pretty boy.”

“Nope,” he whispered, the aftertaste of whiskey on his tongue.

His back hit the side of your car, and his hands moved from your collar to swinging his arms around your neck. Your knee found its way in between Mike’s thighs, pressing against his crotch, and his groan was swallowed by your lips. Mike whined when you trailed down, aiming instead for his neck. Dark marks and bites soon decorated the pale flesh, his blood dripping a contrasting splash of color. 

Tugging on his earlobe, you challenged, “Gonna come back to my place?”

Mike doubted he ever agreed to something so quickly.

The drive was long, too long in his opinion. Though, it was most likely only fifteen minutes, at most. Mike didn’t even have to walk up the driveway to your cabin; his legs were locked around your hips as you carried him through the door and up the stairs. He ground his groin against you, searching for any possible friction. You tossed him onto your bed, unbuckling your belt, holding it taut. The man in front of you wiggled back and spread his legs to make room for you. You snickered at how willing Mike was, considering his hesitation when you first met.

You regularly kept lube on the bedside table, just to be prepared for when you brought men home from the bar. However, this one was different in a way you had trouble putting into words, other than positive. His thighs shook as you massaged the liquid into his hole, a hand covering his mouth to prevent you from hearing his noises. Ah, now that wouldn’t do, would it?

In response, you tugged his hand off of his mouth, “Lemme hear you.”

Such pretty sounds from a pretty mouth, it was truly a shame. When Mike immediately went back to covering them up, you slid your fingers out of him, instead reaching for your abandoned belt. His eyes trailed after your hands as they bound his wrists together in front of him, almost akin to handcuffs. Mike couldn’t see much of your expression after your head dipped down, only the shit-eating grin playing on your lips. Of course, that was before you took your hat off by the crown and placed it firmly on his head, though it was a tad too big for him.

“Why don’t you keep that safe for me, sweetheart?”

For a second, Mike was confused. Keep it safe? Just what were you planning on doing? He felt a grip on his waist, right before his world spun around him, and the positions were practically reversed. The guard was now sitting on top of you, or more so your crotch, his thighs caging in your hips. Mike’s hair was disheveled and the light on the ceiling created a sort of halo around him, and fuck, did you think he was pretty. Only a few select people had ever gotten to wear your hat, and you could confidently say that he was the most beautiful in it.

You unbuttoned your jeans, letting your cock slip through the opening, “You ready?”

“I’ve never done this before.”

You had a grip on his waist again, slowly guiding him down. You didn’t thrust, didn’t force him to go fast, and allowed him his proper time to adjust, “How’s that feelin’?”

“G-good,” he shuddered, precum leaking from his tip, “think ‘m ready.”

“You haven’t seen the brunt of it yet, boy!” You grunt, thrusting the rest of you inside, brushing against Mike’s prostate. 

The man on top of you moaned, and the sound was so uncharacteristically loud that even he seemed surprised by it. Mike leaned down, resting his tied fists on your chest in order to keep his balance. His sweat dampened your collarbones, his drool smearing on your neck, and the pathetic excuse of a guard tried leaving kisses over the areas he could reach. You soon found a rhythm to your thrusts; groans were punched out of your throat on their own.

Mike could feel heat rushing through his brain, bringing tears that stuck to his eyelashes, covering any thoughts or hesitance he may have had before. That wasn’t enough for it– it spread like wildfire down his body, down to where your fingers were leaving bruises, and down to his red, leaking dick. Something deep was brewing inside of him, nothing he’s felt since his hormonal teenage years. Hell, he didn’t even have time to process it when you kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear that he’s such a needy slut; it exploded.

When he finally came to, he could feel his thighs twitching and your heaving, sticky abs below him. His eyelids felt heavy, and all he wanted to do was stay there with you. You were rubbing circles into his back, attempting to pull out, but a grumble from Mike made you stop. In fact, you were saying things, but it sounded muffled and far away. He took great comfort in your voice, no matter what you were talking about. It was getting farther and farther away, yet still managed to follow him into his dreams. For the first time since the incident with Garret, he did not have a nightmare. 

-

Taglist: @cannabrisano @kai_beanz @fandomz-brainrot @slimemakermas

[aradassbadass]

cellular sentiment| ceedee lamb

in which you and ceedee have been friends for a while but you only talk on the phone but he surprises you after his game.

you jolted awake as you felt the vibrations on your face.

“huh?” you say eyes still shut.

“damn what took you so long to answer i called you thirty eleven times.” the voice on the other side made you smile.

“hush cedarian, i was sleep.” you mumble turning over eyes still closed.

“thats all you do is sleep.” he says and you roll your eyes- or try to at least.

“what do you want man, why you call me this late?” you ask trying to sound annoyed.

he just laughs, “its 6 oclock in the evening almost 7, aint shit late about it, and i thought you said you was gone watch our game today just lies.” he says teasingly.

“hush yall ass. probably lost anyways, you know you sorry.” you laugh.

“shii, i dont know who you talking to but im far from sorry.” he sasses back. you cant help but laugh. “nah, but forreal though i was just trying to see what you had planned tonight.”

you finally open your eyes and the light from him dimly illuminates your face and he glances down.

“you so beautiful.” he smiles and you blush immediately dropping the phone.

“oh my God please stop.”

“im forreal- you know i always tell you that.”he says and you roll your eyes blushing even harder.

“thank you but anyways im not finna do nothing hell i may get up and cook but then its right back in bed for me- i got work tomorrow. i already got my gown on and everything.”

“which one? better be the one i got you.” he says.

“and is, what should i cook? steak and potatoes or shrimp fried rice?” you ask getting up and going to the kitchen.

it felt good, natural even. it had become a little routine that you both felt comfortable in. he would call youd answer, yall would chat about anything-everything under the sun and inevitably your fall asleep on him but he would never hang up.

how you managed to become friends was purely some twisted sort of luck if you could even call it that. after your mom passed he was the one that got her number and when the messages started sending in blue instead of green you werent quick to notice, so when you had a particularly shitty day and texted her number

‘mama, i wish you were here. i need you now more than ever.’

and received a message reading

‘im sorry but i think you have the wrong number. it will be okay though’

you almost broke down. luckily he was nice enough and allowed you to vent and the rest was history. a friendship blossomed even though it was only cellular.

“if you dont prop me up so i can see.” he griped.

“omg youre so needy.” you sigh propping him-the phone- up.

he laughs, “whatever hmmm i think shrimp.”

“hmmm i think not.” you say grabbing the steak.

“bro what the hell, why you even ask then.” he says smacking his lips.

“cause i can.” you say and you just know he’s rolling his eyes.

“if you say so, but ima hit you back, this my momma calling me.”

“ok be safe.”

“i will, talk to you later.” and the phone clicks.

you hum as you begin to season the two sirloins, quickly reaching over to turn on the stove.

its crazy how life works. your just a history teacher at a small high school in your area and one of your best friends is the biggest player in your state.

“who would have thought”you mumble to yourself thinking ahout when you finally realized who he was.

one of your students had worn a jersey with his last name on it and you found it a bit peculiar, so you texted him.

‘u have a cousin or something in the nfl? one of these my kids got on a jersey w yo last name’

‘😂is u being fr rn’

‘wym?’

‘omg you is lmaooooooo 😭😩 go ask him who jersey he got on’

‘wtf js tell me’

and he left you on read

you put your phone down and huffed.

“hey garret, who’s jersey do you have on?”

“ceedee lamb, excuse my language miss but he cold as hell.” and as soon as the name came out of his mouth your stomach dropped.

“o-oh ok. it-its nice.” you barely stammer out before picking up your phone.

‘YOU PLAY FUCKIN FOOTBALL WTF’

‘😭😭😭😭😂’

‘omfggg ts crazyyyy& u aint tell nb shi’

needless to say he got an earful that night when you two did finally get on the phone.

you flip the steaks over on the cast iron skillet allowing it to sear then place the potatoes on a baking sheet and toss them in the oven.

you grab your phone and go to see where cee is, but you notice his location is off.

‘where tf u at & why that damn lo off?’

he immediately reads it but you see no text bubble.

‘wowwww read ight bet.’

then you throw down your phone and almost instantly its a light knock on your door.

confusion washes over you as you furrow your brows together.

“who is it ?” you call getting on your tip toes to see out of the peephole but its just dark.

you sigh and unlock the door opening it only enough to peek out and low and behold its cedarian with a big goofy smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

this is ch1 of a fic im gonna be posting on wattpad lmk what yall think. i love ceedee he is so cute omf i just have all the feels.

[mamirhodessxox]

😭😭 need a fic of him just in interrupting reader while baking ( reader could be a baker and trying new recipes to add to their menu )

Cherries On Top

Cody Rhodes x Baker Fem!Reader

Desc: Y/N is trying to focus on adding new sweet treats to her bakery’s menu but her husband tends to be a distraction.

Contents: Fluff, Cody being a little annoying but in a tolerable way, SMALL indications of smut, Y/N being a lil cutie Patootie!

🏷️ list: @alyyaanna @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @harmshake @femdisa @kabloswrld @claymoresofinfamy23 @jeysbvck

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) likes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

Before Y/N & Cody established a relationship between them Y/N had a small little bakery filled with alll sorts of sweets & treats! Once a month she would spend an entire day whipping up pies & cakes and many other scones & sweets to add on the menu at her little bakery & do cooking youtube videos & Today was that day.

Y/N was in the middle of recording in the kitchen, Cody would walk by every now and then or stand behind her and watch over her shoulder to see what she was doing. But then he became more vocal.

She was currently working on a bourbon pound cake. “Don’t you need measuring cups for this part?” He questioned while his hand ran up and down her back while his wife shrugged “I’m just gonna add like a few shot glasses worth of bourbon.” He shot open his eyes and looked over at her camera set up and shook his head dramatically “She’s gonna get me drunk with a cake.” Since he was video bombing Y/N she decided that she would put him to a little work and start stirring the cake mix while she poured bourbon into the mix very carefully & poured him a small shot as a reward which he pridefully took

Y/N was instructing her future viewers how to carefully put the mixture into the pan & how long to leave it in the oven but Cody randomly popped back into the kitchen “Check out my gun.” She looked up as he interrupted her speech & smiled “It’s a salt shooter my dad got it for him.” “Maybe next time I make steak I can season salt onto it with my cool gun yeah?” She shook her head “No because you’re gonna break something. Just use your hands.” He glared for a second and sassily shook his head “I won’t break anything.”

6 minutes later Y/N worked on another small pastry while the cake was in the oven & suddenly the lights started flickering & she laughed a little before he walked back into camera frame “What are you whipping up now?” “Blueberry crois-“ “Hold on wait I have a quick question what did 50 cent do when he was hungry? 58.” “Your not funny.” He shrugged with a smug smile “I’m actually very funny.” She hummed nodding slowly “whatever helps you sleep at night my love.” He raised an eyebrow and looked at a bowl full of flour.

Hmmmm…….

Interesting…..

What if he just….

“CODY GARRET RUNNELS GODDAMNIT I’M GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!” Y/N stood there frozen as he actively poured flour over her head while letting out a mischievous laugh “uh ohh she said the full na-“ she splashed him in the face with water “well deserved.” She glared up at him & picked up her bowl filled with yet to be stirred eggs while grinning to herself as her husband backed up and raised his hands in defense “No…Y/N….” She squinted and nodded “your right that would be to messy.” She sighed while he let out a chuckle of relief but she caved & poured the eggs all over him making him gasp and look at her while she giggled & grabbed the flour bag before shaking what remained inside all over him before he turned starring at a glass of milk that sat on the counter next to one of the bowls it was supposed to be inside of.

Eventually she gave up on the video she tried making & giggled while playfully kissing her lover while he grinned biting her lip a little & grip at her waist “You sure you don’t wanna take it any furth-“ she nodded immediately and pulled away before prancing up the stairs to get clean “C’mon Codes your filthy.”

This was just the Cherry On Top for Cody, he immediately tossed away the kitchen towel & followed behind her before giving Y/N a light smack on the butt chuckling

“The shower is your best idea yet sweetheart.”

“Pervert.”

mamirhodessxox’s Masterlist

[elderwisp]

◁ || ▷

Theo: What if they hate me?

Gabriel: Then I guess we’ll die-

Theo: Now why would you say that?

Gabriel: I’m joking. You’ll be okay! Swear, they’re like the most unserious people ever. 

Theo: Are you joking? They look pretty serious. I’m freaking intimidated!

Gabriel: What can I say? My friends are pretty cool. Ares is a cutie. Gum is well, Gum. 

Gum: What am I?

Gabriel: NOTHIN! 

Gum: Hmm… I’m watching you. Hi, you must be Theo!

Theo: Nice to meet you guys. 

Ares: Dude, I feel like you picked the wrong place to get to know your friend. 

Gabriel: It’s perfect! 

Ares: It’s loud. I mean, can you hear us alright?

Theo: Honestly, not really but it’s FINE! I’ve never been to a bar like this. 

Gum: Cherry’s great. Lots of great memories. Ah. 

Gabriel: By memories, she means all the girls she kissed.

Gum: Seriously?

Gabriel: [ chuckles ] What?

Gum: You’re buying the first round of drinks for that. 

Gabriel: Fine! 

Ares: [ signs ] You alright?

Theo: [ mouths ] You know how to sign?

Ares: [ outloud ] My parents had me learn a language in school. God, I still can’t believe him-

Theo: It’s alright! I’m allowed to enjoy this!

Ares: Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-

Theo: [ laughs ] I know what you meant. Love this song by the way! 

Gum: Me too! Come on, let’s all go dance!

-

Carlos: Gabriel! How’ve you been, man?

Gabriel: Doin’ good, you?

Carlos: Awesome! Garret and I are buying a home.

Gabriel: Holy shit man, congrats! You still gonna be around?

Carlos: Yep! So what can I get you?

Gabriel: Hmm. Four shots of Patron, please?

Carlos: I gotchu.

Gabriel: At a bar with no drink?

?: Oh! Yeah, uh, that’s a bit weird, isn’t it? 

Carlos: Be nice, she’s one of my regulars.

Gabriel: I will! Just curious. Are you here alone? 

?: [ abruptly ] Yes. Why?

Gabriel: Seems lonesome. No offense to Carlos keepin’ ya company here.

Carlos: Dude!

Gabriel: I’ve never seen you around. 

?: I usually stay hidden. 

Gabriel: Ah, so you like to observe. Being a wallflower’s cool and all but you could always experience something new.

?: What do you have in mind?

Gabriel: A few ideas of the fun sort. Interested?

?: Kali. My name is Kali. 

-

Gum: Y-you didn’t!

Gabriel: I did!

Gum: Oh my god, I can’t with you.

Gabriel: [ giggles ] Well I had a great time.

Theo: Wow. They’re pretty wasted. 

Ares: Oh, this is nothing, you should have seen them on this guy’s twenty-first birthday.

Theo: I can imagine.

Ares: Gabriel tells me you’re new to San My, have you always been a fan of the city?

Theo: I’ve always been curious. I love getting to know people but the people back home, well, you can only get to know so much when your town is pretty small.

Ares: That’s so fascinating though, I feel like my life has been surrounded by plenty of people.

Theo: Is that so?

Ares: Mhm, my family is really big into the music industry so we’ve gotten to know a lot of artists.

Theo: That’s so cool!

Ares: Yeah. What do you do Theo?

Theo: I am a dancer. Nothing wild. I’m just an extra in Cirque Felicity at the casino. I teach classes part time at this studio. 

Ares: Holy shit. Anything specific you specialize in?

Theo: Ballet. I’d love to do a serious show but I highly doubt I’d be casted in anything.

Ares: Why not?

Theo: There’s… Just a particular build people have in mind when it comes to who plays what. 

Ares: Hmm, well the city’s great for advocating change. My bet is you could choreograph your own show.

Theo: That’s not a bad idea. 

-

Theo: It was nice talking to you Ares.

Ares: Likewise, Theo. Night.

[telly-tell-alls]

On this weeks watch list we’re going with Love Again. Pretty good, had some laughs, some lovey dovey, and overall happy feel good flick.

Do advise you to watch with someone who likes Celine Dion so you can turn the movie into a karaoke session.

[prettiestdolliestgirl]

Overwhelming ecstasy

pairing: mike schmidt x afab!reader

tags: 18+, soft dom!mike schmidt, sub!reader, loss of virginity, slight age gap (reader is 24 and mike is 27), masturbation, grinding, size difference, piv, creampie, kind of wholesome(?), aftercare

synopsis: you’ve been dating Mike for a couple of weeks now after being friends for years, you haven’t had sex yet but tonight Abby is sleeping over at a friend’s house and you and Mike are finally going to have some time alone.

-> inspired by the song jupiter by flower face

the three of you are standing on the porch of Mike and Abby’s house, hugging the little girl as her friend’s mother is waiting for her to get in the car.

“you can call if you need anything okay? shelly’s mom has my number, you can ask to call me anytime and i’ll come pick you up whenever you want” Mike tells his little sister, kneeling in front of her to hug her.

“i know! can i go now?” Abby says as she tries to pull away from her older brother’s hug, eager to leave and have fun with her new friends.

“yeah of course…” Mike answers.

as Abby lets go of her brother’s embrace, she turns to you and hugs you tightly. you hug her back and can’t help but feel grateful to have both her and Mike in your life. you met Mike as a little girl, both your parents and his were really good friends, and both of your families used to have weekly dinners and go on trips together. of course, that was before the incident with Garret. you’ve always been extremely close to him, helping him as much as you could throughout all of his hardships. you always knew there was something more, even when you were just a little girl, you knew Mike was the one for you. for years, you were pining in secret, desperately hoping one day he would notice that your feelings were more than platonic. miraculously that day happened, two weeks ago, you promised Abby to sleep over and watch movies with her. you told Mike to get some rest while he could as you took care of Abby the whole night. you both had a lot of fun and even though Mike was in his room trying to sleep, he couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your giggles echoing throughout the house. when he woke up the next day, he knew he wanted to be with you, he never felt that way about anyone before.

in the morning the day after you and Abby’s girl’s night, Mike made the first move. you both bantered as usual but you felt a strong tension that was not there before, that’s when he kissed you for the first time as you were making Abby’s breakfast. you were extremely surprised, after years of desperate devotion to Mike, you had started to lose hope that things could escalate further between the two of you. but they miraculously did and even though you were itching to ask what might have made him suddenly express his attraction to you, you preferred to stay quiet so as not to ruin the moment.

tonight would be the first night you ever spent alone in the house together. as Abby is approaching her friend’s mom’s car you both wave, “have fun Abbs! and don’t forget you can call whenever!” Mike yells out as she is now already in the car. the mother inside the car waves as she leaves their driveway. mike is pretty anxious to let Abby sleep over at someone else’s house. he is extremely protective over his little sister which is linked to his little brother’s disappearance but Mike talked to Shelly’s mom enough times to feel like Abby will be safe and well taken care of there.

mike lets out a big sigh as the car is now out of sight and looks back at you. “just us” he says with a slight smirk.

“just us” you repeat with a soft smile.

the both of you go back inside of the house and you decide to get yourself a glass of water. you can’t help but apprehend tonight, you knew things would probably escalate and get intimate between you and Mike but the thing is you’ve never been intimate with anyone before. despite being 23, you never really felt that kind of attraction for anyone, well anyone other than Mike. men often try to get their way with you when you go out to bars or clubs with friends but you never felt an attraction strong enough to actually go through with it. you’ve kissed a guy in high school but that’s about it, you never really understood how to touch yourself properly either so you never had an orgasm before. you often talk about it to your friends and honestly feel like you’re missing out. despite your inexperience, you still want to try your best and make Mike feel good, he works so hard, he is under so much stress, you want nothing more but to help him relax. Mike had that energy, he had something that made you feel protected as if he was in control of everything happening around you, and sometimes you imagine what it would be like for him to control you.

you’re sitting on the couch watching a TV show, not really paying attention to it, instead, you’re thinking about what might finally happen tonight.

you stayed up late at night ever since you hit puberty, thinking about Mike and his calloused hands, his beautiful brown eyes, and his husky voice keeping you up at ungodly hours, just fantasizing about finally getting close to him.

as your college is close to Abby and Mike’s, you have been spending a lot of time with them lately and your dreams about him have become more and more frequent. just thinking about it was making your cheeks all shades of pink. you turn your head to see Mike watching the TV, slouching on the couch, his hands resting on his stomach. you’ve always been attracted to him, but something about him tonight was driving you insane, maybe it was the way his black sweatshirt hugged his broad shoulders or the simple look of his relaxed body but whatever it was, it was making you feel helpless.

you look at Mike sitting next to you and speak up “I think i’m going to take a shower, is that okay with you?” you ask him. “yeah yeah no problem” he says looking back at you, not noticing your flustered expression and the slight red tint on your cheeks.

you got up and got your night dress from your bag and the underwear you had meticulously prepared two days ahead. for your first night together, you opted for a white ruffle nightgown with lace details and a small baby pink bow sitting on its low-cut neckline. your set of underwear also matched your nightgown and it made you feel pretty and comfortable.

you kiss him on the top of his head and proceed to head to the bathroom to take a shower in a desperate attempt to cool yourself off. you undress slowly and get in the shower, the warm water hitting your skin. you get soap everywhere on your body and begin to clean yourself up but can’t help feeling aroused at the thought of your hands being Mike’s, cleaning every part of your body. slowly and hesitantly, your hands travel down to your lips. As you slowly caress the slit, you move your fingers closer and closer to your clit. you begin to feel nice but as always, you’re blocked, you can’t seem to know your body well enough and can’t seem to ever get to your climax. after a while, you get quite frustrated so you turn off the water and decide to get changed. you slip in your underwear and then in your short nightgown, your breasts slightly spilling out of it.

you head back into the living room and find Mike in the same slouched position as you left him. he turns his head to you and you see his gaze slightly change. ever since you moved near his house for college and you’ve been spending more time around at the house that time spent together helped Mike slowly realize that he had feelings for you that went further than a simple platonic bond.

whenever you laughed or played with Abby, he could feel his heart melt. but as he grew up with you, he never really saw you in a sexual light, he knew he was extremely attracted to you but he never really thought of you that way, except since you had started dating. mike felt a bit awkward about it and you two never really talked about it before so when you hugged him a bit tighter than usual and he felt your breasts pressed against his chest, Mike couldn’t help but excuse himself to release the pressure it had caused in the bathroom.

you and Mike never really talked about having sex or sex as a whole, but both of you somehow knew it was going to happen tonight.

you feel your cheeks getting really warm as you feel his intense glare on your body. you sit back on the couch, right next to him and an awkward silence fills the room for what feels like 5 whole minutes. suddenly, you suggest “we could watch a horror movie?” locking eyes with him.

“yeah that would be really fun” he says, followed by an attempt to clear his voice.

you chose the Blair Witch Project as neither of you had seen it before. Mike gets two beers from the fridge and you get blankets to snuggle on the couch. you switch off all the lights and sit next to each other as the movie starts. you love horror movies, you always did but that didn’t exempt you from getting scared when watching them. the lack of light in the room and the loud volume of the television made it impossible not to jump at every single jump-scare. Mike sensed that you were getting quite scared so he placed his hand on your thigh, showing you that he was there and that everything was okay. a jump scare had you by surprise and made you, almost instinctively move closer to Mike’s side. Mike then offers to move even closer “come over here” he says in a soft voice as he helps your body to his lap. you sit on his lap, your head sitting on his shoulder, his chest facing your back.

Mike is holding your body as you are both watching the film, as you get scared you bury your head in his neck until whatever’s scaring you on the screen is gone. another jump-scare makes your whole body twitch but as you do so, you proceed to get higher on Mike’s lap, now sitting directly on his crotch. as your nightgown is pretty short, his jeans are in direct contact with your underwear but you are so caught up with the movie that you fail to notice it. Mike on the other hand couldn’t think about anything else. slowly he felt a bulge growing in his jeans. he didn’t know what to do and the fact that you kept moving around wasn’t helping his case. the movie was close to its end, but Mike don’t think he could wait until then.

slowly and with care, Mike tries to move his hips in a desperate try to hide his bulge from you. it doesn’t, actually it does the exact contrary as his sudden movement snaps you out of the movie’s tension to another tension, the one growing inside of Mike’s jeans. you feel extremely flustered as all of a sudden you catch Mike’s move as one to make you notice his bulge instead of him trying to hide it from you so you decide to be brave. you sat up on his lap, pretending to be particularly intrigued about the end of the movie, and began to gently grind on his lap. you feel his bulge getting bigger under the weight of your body. Mike calls out your name softly, and you look back at him. he gestures to you to move your body to face him and so you do.

you’re now facing him and you smile looking at his face which is only softly illuminated by the television. the movie is now ending and the credits are starting to roll but neither of you move. mike pulls you in for a kiss and you reciprocate, as you do, you can feel Mike melting into the kiss.

his bulge is twitching as you slowly go back to grinding against it. you can’t help but comment at the size of it “what the hell” you murmur almost talking to yourself. mike slowly chuckles at your comment and asks you “do you want to see it?” with a slight smirk. you nod shyly while looking away from him, feeling quite embarrassed. you had no idea of what you were supposed to do or say as you’ve never been intimate with anyone before. you get off his lap and Mike gets up, turns on a small light, and turns off the TV. your eyes follow his every move while you are still sitting on the couch. he sits back next to you and asks you “do you really want to do this?”. you nod again but mike objects “speak up.”

“i… i want to see it mike.” you say shyly followed by a loud gulp. “good girl” answers mike.

mike gets up again, and stands in front of you. he takes a long time to unbuckle his belt, your eyes are glued to his big calloused hands as they’re removing his jeans’ button. as you see him go for the zipper you quickly stop him by grabbing his wrists. you look up at him through your eyelashes and bring your face closer to his bulge, you then start to take the zipper in your mouth and meticulously bring it down. mike slightly chuckles as he finds you trying to take the lead quite endearing.

mike lets his jeans down leaving him in nothing but his boxers. you’re now face to face with his erect member, you have never seen one in real life before and you can’t help but feel impressed.

you look at it, motionless for a couple of seconds before finally caving in, bringing your fingers to mike’s bulge. you touch it hesitantly, tracing its length with a soft touch. mike winces “f-fuck”, you can feel him twitch under your fingers. you don’t know how to interpret his grimace, “did i do something bad? i’m sorry i just really wanted to feel it, i should’ve asked…” you say looking up at him, quickly removing your hands from his body. Mike catches your wrist and pulls your hand back on his crotch “please, don’t stop”.

you obey and draw circular motions on his tip. you look up to see Mike’s eyes rolling from pleasure, this motivates you to be bold. you bring your face closer to his still-clothed bulge and timidly start to kiss and suckle the fabric of his boxers.

Mike needs more but he wants to treasure every single second he has. as he looks down at you, he can’t help but let out a groan of pleasure at the sight. his eyes wandered lower from your face to your breasts. he can’t help but think about the amount of times he grew semi-hard just at the thought of them. your nightgown’s low-cut neckline left little to the imagination, your breasts spilling out of it. he gently cupped your face with his hands and kneeled to be face to face with you, you looked at him with a confused look for a second but he quickly pulled you in for a kiss. the kiss was sloppy and needy, he pulled away and traveled down to your neck, suckling and biting your skin. he stopped to take in the scenery before burying his face between your breasts, kissing and cupping both of them with his hands as he performed circular motions on your nipples with his thumbs through your nightgown. you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, bucking your hips for any friction.

mike sees how desperate you’re getting and decides to help you out. he steadily removes your nightgown from your body, reviling your matching underwear set “you had it all planned didn’t you?” he says with a slight smirk forming on his face. you can’t even say anything back as all you can manage to word is incoherent babbling mixed with moans. mike then proceeds to sit next to you and tugs your body on top his his. as you’re sitting on his lap, you hurriedly move your hips up and down, grinding sloppily on his clothed member, trying hard to feel him through your panties. “mike… mike this feels… feels so good” you sound like a mess, moaning and panting while trying to form half a sentence. mike puts his hands on your hips, guiding you as you grind on his throbbing member. « fuck baby if you keep going like this I might come in my boxers » Mike remarks as he groans loudly.

“Mike, I am ready, I want to feel you” as soon as the words left your mouth, Mike freed his cock from his boxers, ready to do just what you asked him to. you let out a small gasp at the view of his girthy member, this turned Mike on even more which he didn’t believe could be possible. Mike helps you remove your panties and you can’t help but feel embarrassed as you are soaking wet. Mike loves it, as you were trying to hide your face with your hands. he gently pulled your hands away « be good for me, let me see your pretty face as I make you cum ».

Mike glides on his hands and guided it to your cunt, the sound you make as his fingers find your clit are almost pornographic. when Mike pulled his hand away you cried out from frustration, he guided his fingers to your mouth “now lick it.” he ordered. you obeyed and tasted yourself while he watched with an intense glare. as you were done scrupulously licking every drop of your liquid on his fingers Mike asked you “are ready for me baby?”. you nod vigorously. he teased you by brushing his tip against your clit which made your body jolt in pleasure. « tell me if it hurts alright? » he says as he knows it is your very first time, you look up at him and kiss him as a way to tell him to keep going. he finally gave his first thrust, his cock stretching you for the very first time. it felt really weird at first but after a few thrusts, you started to get acquainted with the feeling and getting more and more into it. « baby… you’re so tight, feels so fucking good » Mike vocalizes his pleasure as you’re loudly moaning, getting closer and closer to your climax « Mike I’m going to… I need to… ». he suddenly speeds up his pace, until you both came in unison.

you pull away from him and sit next to him, still panting « I’ve never felt anything like this before ».

« neither did i » he echos as he turns to face you, looking at you lovingly. he gets up and gets you one of his t-shirts to put on and gets you a glass of water. « you did so well baby » he murmurs as he kisses your forehead and places the glass of water on the coffee table in front of the couch.

A/N: aaah okay this was my very first fanfic and I was extremely nervous to post this but I have been obsessed with Josh Hutcherson for months now, more particularly with Mike Schmidt he honestly awakened something in me! I have been using tumblr again for a few months now and I’ve been loving it, it feels like such a safe and cool place to hang out! i really missed it! i didn’t really proofread and english is not my mother’s tongue so I am sorry if there is any grammatical errors in this! also I love flower face so much and this song has been on repeat for months it’s sooo good!

<3

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

praying to god that this ask won't get eaten by tumblr again pleaasee 😭 but anyway, how would the cast react to an mc who's suuuper short, like barely reaching 5ft short? 👀

Haha don't worry, tumblr hasn't eaten your asks! I currently have over 100+ asks in my inbox that I'm slowly sorting through. So if I don't get to your ask immediately, it's because of the back log/ I have other things on my plate. I do plan on eventually getting through all of the asks! It's just a lot for one person to get through. Thank you so much for your interest in Crimson Hydrangea and I really appreciate your patience!

Now, onto the fun part!

Since all of the main characters are several inches taller than you, they would have pretty similar reactions and find your shorter stature cute.

Garret would find you absolutely adorable and would do everything in his power to accommodate you to make things easier for you. Like putting things you use frequently on lower shelves, sending your clothes out to get hemmed/ tailored, ect. I don't think he'd comment on your height persay. But he would definitely call you "cute", "adorable", and things like that.

Marcelo might affectionately tease you about your height. He'd also expect you to do the same for his tall frame. However he would love picking you up in his muscular arms and helping you reach things you'd usually use a step ladder/ stool to get to.

Camilla's favorite thing to do would be to put her chin on the top of your head. She might tease you about it a little, but not enough to seriously hurt your feelings. Though despite the size diference, she would still love/ prefer to put her head on your lap/shoulder whenever you two watched movies.

Rita would probably be a bit more thoughtful when it came to asking you to restock inventory on higher shelves. Either she'd do it herself before you arrived, or she'd make sure your ladder was steady when you did it. She'd also love wrapping her arms around you and holding you whenever you two would cuddle on the couch. She can be surprisingly clingy/ affectionate when in a relationship with you.

Teagan would purposefully put your items on higher shelves so you'd have to ask them for help to reach. Especially whenever your step ladders/ stools went missing. They'd poke fun at your height and insist it matched your maturity, or lack thereof. But overall they'd love being able to wrap their arms around you and hold you close as they enveloped you. They always did say that your bodies fit together like puzzle pieces...

[cuteskunkz]

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.Good Morning Princess₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

(Dom!Mike Schmidt x Sub!Reader)

~Summary: Mike comes home after a long day and needs to blow off some steam.

~Tags: consensual somno, pet names, degradation, praise, cnc, porn with plot lmfao

~Note: This fic is verrryyyy kinky and also my first that I've written in probably 9 years lol. Forgive me if the writing is bad :((( I was super Inspired after reading "So I'm stuck on this shithole island, and I can't even have a smoke?" By stop-talking. U should definitely check them out! Please let me know if you're interested in more <3

⊱✿⊰

"The things I would do for one day where I can enjoy myself without worrying about the weight of the world on my shoulders" he thought to himself. Mike's car pulled into the driveway and quickly turned off. He was feeling quite frustrated from cleaning the entire pizzeria after it was trashed sometime after he left at the end of his shift yesterday. It wasn't his fault that Steve refused to hire someone to take the morning shift to prevent things like these from happening yet all the repercussions fell into his hands. It was one thing after another for him. His family issues, the bills overdue and piling up, nothing but shitty jobs he had no choice but to work, and cleaning up after some complete assholes didn't make him feel any better. All he wanted was a sense of normality in his life and thankfully you provided that for him.

It was 9am on a bright Wednesday morning. The wind whipped through his hair making him promptly pull his sweater snuggly over his body as he began walking into his house. He unlocked the front door and looked around with a smile, expecting you to be the first thing he sees. It was oddly quiet- usually you'd be up watching tv or reading and listening to music after walking Abby to school yet you were nowhere to be found. He stalked room to room looking for you. A wave of sadness fell over him when he couldn't immediately find you. Were you going to disappear from his life like Garret?

He finally finds you cuddled up in his bed wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts that fit you more like a dress than anything. He took a moment to soak the image in. You were lying on your stomach with one leg propped up. Your hair being draped so beautifully over your shoulders made his stomach flutter. The sunlight spilling into his room through the blinds striped across your skin, giving you a warm look. Any negative feelings he felt before coming home completely washed away, instead being filled with gratitude and love. Where would he be without you?

He took a deep breath in through his nose and picked up the scent of the Versace perfume he got you for your birthday. He knew it was way out of his budget but you deserved only the best. God the things the smell of your perfume did to him. It activated something in him that made his pants fit more snug around him. He palmed his erection while watching you sleep. You look so peaceful like this but Mike couldn't help himself. He had so much pent up inside and he knew that only you could help him blow off some steam. He slowly unbuckled his belt and pulled himself out. There was a coating of precum on his tip that he used as lubricant while stroking himself at a painfully slow pace. He would do anything to fuck you right at this moment but decided to take it slow as to not spoil it.

He felt the pit in his stomach build and began fucking himself into his fist, pretending it was you gripped around his achingly hard cock. Small whimpers left his lips but Mike tried his hardest to stay quiet. He couldn't wake you just yet. "Fuck- this is torture" he thought to himself. He tucked his erection back into his boxers and walked over to the bedside table. He made note of your arm placement. Both of your arms were resting above your head on the pillow, inches away from the headboard. "Perfect" he whispered as he grabbed two sets of handcuffs and held them in front of your sleeping body.

He carefully snapped the cuffs around each of your wrists and then to the headboard. Mike felt like his boxers were going to bust as the seams. He grabbed your waist and propped you up on your knees just the way you like it. This elicited a small groan from you but you drifted back to sleep in no time. The arch of your back made his head spin. He licked his index and ring fingers and slid them into your glistening pussy. He curled his fingers slightly and began pumping into you. Your eyes fluttered with confusion and pleasure. You attempted to prop yourself up to get a visual but you immediately froze. "Good morning princess" Mike cooed.

"M-mike..." you stuttered. It was hard to contain the pleasure you felt in your lower abdomen. "Sorry baby, I couldn't wait until you got up. You looked so good just lying there" he replied in a sweet voice. His raspy voice and fingers hitting just the right spot had you ready to explode. Mike knew how much you loved to be woken up like this so it was a treat to both of you. "How do you want it tonight? I'll give you whatever you want baby, you know that". You knew how rough work has been for him even though he doesn't really talk much about it. You could practically see it in his dark circles.

You tried your hardest to reply, biting your lip and barely squeaking out your response: "h'ever you need sir". You were well aware of what calling him sir meant for your body and you were definitely in for it now. Mike was usually very soft and caring during sex but every now and then, he showed his dominance over you. This was one of those times. "Thank you princess. You always know what I need when I need it" he cooed once more while smacking his calloused hand on your ass. His touch made you yelp but you swallowed down the delicious pain.

He pulled his already unbuckled pants down and off his body with his free hand. "You let me know when you're close, yeah? Can't have you making a mess juuuust yet" he says in a playful voice. "S-sir I can't take much longer...p-please" you begged, trying to free your hands from the cuffs by shaking them around- feeling overwhelmed from his touch. "Aww poor puppy. I just started and you're already about to cum. So sensitive, hm?" He quickened his pace and used his other hand to play with your clit. "Fuck you're so wet for me. You take it so well princess."

You would do anything to please Mike, the guy just needed a break and you were more than happy to give him what he needs to feel better. "Mike... I'm almost there. Please..." you said in a breathy tone before you were interrupted. He completely stopped playing with your throbbing parts, grabbed a fistful of your hair, and began pulling. "What's my name slut?". You felt yourself getting wetter from the power he's displaying. "S-sir please I'm begging" you plead. "I can't take it anymore I'm sensitive". This causes a smirk to creep onto Mike's face.

"I'm sorry baby but that's not a choice tonight. Especially after not knowing your place" he states. He places a smack on your bundle of nerves that causes you to tremble. You love it when Mike felt comfortable enough to show this side of his sexual fantasies. It was invigorating to switch things up like this. You definitely love the caring Mike Schmidt that you fell in love with but you found him so attractive when he towered over you like this. "I understand sir."

He unclasps the cuffs from around you and pats your head gently. "That's better hm? What do you say?" He asks in a softer tone. Even when he's domming you he still always made sure to be considerate of your feelings. "Thank you mister" you say as you flip around to sit close to him and rub your wrists. "You wanna keep going baby? If it's really too much-" you stop him with a passionate kiss. You pull him to sit on the bed next to you by the collar of his shirt. "Of course sir, you can't stop what you started right?" you tease while shooting him a wink.

⊱✿⊰

*Read part 2 here!*

AHHHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT!!!!!!! I've been so anxious about uploading this so please let me know if you want me to pick up from the cliffhanger :P

[ren-054]

Random unassorted headcanons for BlushBlush boys (main game and phone flings)

!! Also some of the guys just won’t be on here, sorry akdnsm

- Nimh used to have strong compulsive tendencies due to worrying over his health, but he’s been trying to form healthier habits like working on grounding and meditation

- Fabian would have a guilty pleasure fascination with legs and feet but he’d never fully admit it

- Garret isn’t entirely as himbo-like as he lets on and sometimes uses people’s expectations of him to his advantage, but on the whole he’s still the sweetheart we know

- Garret gets a kick out of (lightly) teasing his partner and may play around using his strength on them sometimes (consensually obv)

- Stirling had a considerably long phase where he had long hair (think mid-back length)

- Logan has a lisp

- Cole is hypermobile in his arms and legs (and that also means chronic pain wooooo)

- Eli is a sex-favorable aroace

- Reece is autistic and also maybe aroace

- Ferris is a fidgeter and either currently or needs to collect fidget toys to play with at work so he doesn’t pull at his hair or pick at his skin absentmindedly

- Anon has freckles and moles all over

- Jaxon has intimacy issues and it’s relevant to his future character growth

- Ferris is a chronic Twitter user and doom scroller

- Boss has TMJ disorder

- Poe has a hobby and decent knowledge on scavenging for, bleaching, and collecting animal bones

- In that vein, Poe keeps a box of sterile latex gloves in his room

- Most of the guys don’t really have six packs (aside from maybe Kelby and Logan)

- Garret has a Lot more hair than his game sprite

- Cashew has conflicted feelings about his father

- Haru can be a bit choosy about who gets to touch/handle his hair, he doesn’t get aggressive about it usually tho. More like a “ahhh someone’s being a little handsy in places they shouldn’t!” or whatever

- Poe, Cash, and Cole all go to the same college

- Cole goes to college? I guess? Idk

- Kelby has ADHD and horrible impulse control when alone (I will never let him live down the time he admitted to eating flowers off the side of the road)

- Ace and Kelby have karaoke nights (Ace’s idea)

- Scale entered the assassin academy at a young age and is probably a bit developmentally stunted in areas outside of physical wellness

- Scale knows how to speak Mandarin nearly fluently

- Volks is secretly a picky eater (meaning you can usually tell when he doesn’t want to eat a certain food but he’d still force himself to eat it anyway)

- Nimh can get irritated/overwhelmed by loud noises such as when he’s in crowds, so he brings around earplugs and/or noise canceling earbuds with him just in case

- Sven works in stocks as his day job and is a streamer on the side, sometimes giving quick advice and lessons on finances every now and then

- Dmitri is much more of a jokester than he lets on and would use brainrot speak for its effective psychic damage on anyone in earshot

- Reece has frequent conversations with his ship whom can communicate back, especially to help work through his thoughts

- Anon has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and he has cleaning compulsions which he often does whenever stressing

- Seth can bring back his cooler horns, ears, and tail, but he doesn’t doesn’t care enough to

- Cole was one of the most disappointed when he changed back into a full man, no longer manimal, and lost all his cool traits

- Drake’s accommodations for his spell casting class had to do with the sensory aspect of casting which made him too physically uncomfortable (from sweat or itchiness or just general overheating) which led to the solution of casting with less clothes on

- Eli has a collection of those gaudy socks with text and funny patterns on them

- Poe is a thrifter and DIY master for his clothes and accessories, but he still thinks he’s an amateur

…… There’s probably a bunch more but I need to go to bed so uhhh goodnight akdnsk

[curlyhairedbooklover]

What is the gender spilt of the murders in NBC Hannibal?

This is the third of three posts though this one works as a standalone, the first two are about the characters saying each other’s names and can be found here and here (I promise they are much more interesting than that summary makes them sound….) I decided to make this post because of this quote from Bryan Fuller; “And we are very conscious in the writer’s room; ‘Okay we just killed a woman, we have to kill a guy now.’” (47:20) And I always wondered how well they actually managed to do that…. thus I went out and collected the data and here it is!!

Adding a quick disclaimer that I did this for fun so I haven’t double checked it meaning there may be some mistakes!

As you can see from the data it turns out that they did kill less women than men during the show!!!! The total known kills in the show are 200 with 98 of them being men, 65 women and 37 were unknown!! I also kept track of who did the murder and those categories are: Hannibal, killer of the week, Will, and other.

To preface, I am only using “women” and “men” for my categories in this data as the show does not depict any trans or nb people (explicitly at least, there are a couple metaphorical/subtextual ones…) and if I could not tell the person’s gender or I simply did not see a body I categorised them as “unknown” 

You will be pleased to know that Hannibal killed 39.5 people (the 0.5 is Dolarhyde which I split between Will and Hannibal as it was a joint kill 😌)  over the show on screen and that 26.5 of them were men, 9 were women and only 4 were unknown! All I can say is that Hannibal is a feminist queen! That or women are significantly less rude in the Hannibal universe… although Freddie seems to defy that theory…. He does kill the most in s1 at 21 times! That essentially halves in s2 to only 12 times and again to 6.5 times in s3.. although it’s worth noting that I was unable to count his kills at Muskrat Farm as we don’t see any bodies on screen (though the script implies it was at least 7) and I only counted the Il Mostro kills that we saw evidence of instead of including the amount killed by the actual Il Mostro killer(s).. Not to mention that he spent half the season in prison! So all that said he did okay! Also I personally believe that his kill count across his lifetime is easily in the high hundreds, he has to meal plan if nothing else so let's put some respect on his name as Hannibal THEE Cannibal!

Unsurprisingly the killers of the week did make up most of the kills in the show, and killed 62 men, 56 women and 33 of unknown gender altogether. The killer of the week who did the most murder is James Grey at a whopping 50 but he did have a mural to create so that takes a lot of bodies! Second place goes to Lawrence Wells who murdered 17 people over his lifetime to create his totem pole, while Clark Ingram sneaks in at 3rd with 16 murders, although he only killed women and is the main reason why the women’s s2 kill count is higher than the men’s, boooooo! Poor Dolarhyde had to pick up all the slack in s3 as the only killer of the week but he did at least get 15 kills in! Sadly he was bound by the orders of the moon and could not do the suitable legwork 😔

Now Will DID get his own section of the table as is his right as the main character 😤 even if he only killed 3 people (which translates to 2.5 on the table as a result of having to share the dragon with Hannibal…). But they were all monumental kills, I mean Garret Jacob Hobbs haunted the rest of the show, Randall was turned into a magnificent tableau, and Francis was the culmination of his becoming and gave us That Ending!! It’s also not like he didn’t successfully manipulate multiple people into killing (or almost killing) people so I think he deserves extra points for those if only in our hearts!! Despite his low kill count he is the character we see commit murder the most on the show! He fantasises/imagines/hallucinates murdering 32 people across the show!! As the show moved away from the procedural nature he imagined killing less people; with s1 standing at 16, s2 moving down to 9 and then only 7 in s3! Just because most of the time he’s empathising with killers to recreate their kills doesn’t make the scenes any less sexy or iconic!!

The 7 other kills actually all come from women!! Another feminism win!! 3.3 is when Chiyoh killed her prisoner after being manipulated into it by Will. 3.7 sees Chiyoh kill again, this time’s it’s the 2 guys who were going to kill Jack and the 2 guards at Muskrat Farm, where we also we get Mason’s murder from Alana and Margot!! Then in 3.10 we get the flashback to Bedelia killing her patient! Go Girls!! Whooo!! 

In conclusion no one is surprised that there is a lot of murder in this show and Bryan Fuller while not exactly alternating each week in killing off each gender did not kill more women than men so arguably achieved his goal!

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)