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xfanfics · 4 years

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Destiel Fic Rec List Part 5

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity. Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 32 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

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Casturbatus Interruptus by gaugbrojotr E | 6k | Canon!verse, Hot, , PWP

post-9.01, in a slight AU wherein Cas comes to live with the Winchesters at the Bunker. Written before 9.03. Crossposting from Tumblr. Written for a prompt from hightopsandsharpies: "Okay, so Cas is a virgin, and has no idea what pleasure is and Dean decides to show him and Cas gets all cuddly and needy afterwards. Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

that awkward moment when... by highermagic E | 7k | Hot, wing!Kink

All in all, with a full tank of gas and his radio turned up loud, Dean was in a pretty damn good mood. All that vanished into shock and concern when the sky lit up like daylight, as though someone had decided that black was so passé for nighttime.

This Temporary Flesh and Bone by misachan E | 5k | Canon!verse, h/c, wing!kink

Castiel doesn't serve Dean, fine, Dean has no problem with that - he just wants to know why Castiel's showing up in his dreams again.

What a fabulous little Fic. Very emotional. S4 cas is my FAVORITE.

Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei E | 18k | Canon!verse, soulbond

Dean does something and in angelic tradition that means he's become Castiel's fiancé. Dean doesn't know if he wants to get married, but he doesn't want to let Castiel down either. Cas lets his feelings run away with him, Gabe is a total dick, Sam is concerned, and Dean has to make a choice.

Learning Curve by blualbino T | 1k | Fluff, Canon!verse

Cas has nice lips. They’re soft looking. Plush even. Dean can do this.

Dinner At Katz's by nanoochka E | 2k | Hot, canon!verse

Dean might have to teach Cas how to have a When Harry Met Sally-esque orgasm, but he certainly doesn’t have to fake it.

Free With His Hands by watermaline E | 2k | canon!verse, handprint!kink

The first time it happens, Dean chalks it up to…well, he doesn’t chalk it up to anything, he’s too busy coming his brains out in his jeans with Castiel’s hand on his shoulder.

Desecrate that Sanctuary by brokentoy E | 3k | Hot, Alt!Canon Verse

Dean develops a fascination with Cas' bones.

What Once Was Sacred by saltandbyrne E | 55k | Hot, AU, Cop Dean, DJ Cas

Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

Freefall by LastKnownWriter E | 128k | Hot, Fluff, AU, Teacher Dean, Firefighter Cas

AU. The most exciting kindergarten teacher Dean Winchester's life ever gets is when he plays mechanic in his uncle Bobby's shop on the weekends. That is until a birthday party goes tequila-nova and he trips into a one-night stand with an incredibly hot firefighter named Castiel. Dean's life gets a lot more exciting after that.

The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass ❤ by ireallyhatecornnuts E | 110k | Hot, Fluff, HS AU but not really,

AU after Season 8, episode 6, "Southern Comfort." Dean goes to sleep in a motel room in Texarkana, and he wakes up 17 years old, in his childhood bedroom in Lawrence, Kansas, 1996. He has no idea how he got there, why his parents are still alive, why his brother is an adorable freshman with no memory of his adult life, and why the only ally he has in this place is the angel he left behind in Purgatory – somehow also 17 years old. They have to get out, that's the important thing. Only, falling in love with his angel wasn't a part of the plan....

It's like a HS AU... but better! I love how Dean is given a second chance at growing up, and Cas gets to engage with his humanity is painfully familiar ways. Some homophobia from non-central characters.

deus ex nihilo by Valyria E | 7k | AU, dubcon, god cas

Lost on an uncharted island, Dean Winchester is captured by the local villagers and offered up as a sacrifice to their winged god. Castiel takes one look at Dean and decides he wants him for a mate.

Twist and Shout ❤ by gabriel E | 97k | Angst, AU, Main Character Death

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Do I really need to say anything? Twist and Shout is one of my favorites simply because it made me bawl. Didn't love the characterization, but I still liked it overall.

Carry On ❤ by TamrynEradani E | 148k | Hot, AU, Sub!dean, Dom!Cas

When Sam gets into Stanford, Dean needs a bigger paycheck than Bobby's garage can give him. Luckily, he knows a guy.

Forget 50 Shades of Grey, they should make this fic into a movie! Even if you are not a fan of Sub!Dean, give this fic a shot, because it is nearly perfect.

Glasses by Samanthapin E | 9k | Fluff, High School AU, punk!cas, nerd!dean

Teasing turns flirting turns dating turns grossly soppy boyfriends

beer and bacon happy hour by outpastthemoat G | 2k | canon!verse, s8

The problem is that Dean’s been having good ideas all night. “No one insults the trenchcoat,” Dean says, and drives his fist into the other dude’s face. Dean figures he was bound to run out of good ideas eventually.

Hard Road ❤ by aleishapotter E | 54k | Canon!verse

Dean discovers a few truths about himself when he and Cas are forced to go undercover on a hunt to the very last place Dean ever thought he'd find himself: a gay resort called "Last Hope" that is geared towards helping troubled homosexual couples repair their relationships. This fic is hilarious and hot--my favorite things.

Dean Smith Verse by TamrynEradani E | 17k | Hot, BDSM, AU, Sub!Dean

Dean Smith is a man of routine. Castiel takes him apart.

Bratishka: Little Brother by Valyria E | 33k | Cop AU, Cop Dean, Lawyer Cas

Dean thinks he knows pretty much everything there is to know about his best friend Castiel Novak - he's a smart, gorgeous DA who probably lets Dean get away with more than he should to see the bad guy locked up - but it turns out Cas is hiding some dark family secrets.

the way to a man's heart by mkhunterz M | 15k | Fluff, Canon!verse

Dean teaches Cas to cook, and other things as well.

Branded by garrisonbabe E | 12k | | canon!verse, soul bond, marking/claiming

Michael mocked Castiel, telling him he'd never get Dean the way he truly wanted. No matter the mark on Dean's soul, he'd never get him the way the archangel could take him. Dean finds a ritual that fixes that and a few other issues.

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light by obstinatrix E | 39k | canon!verse, sastiel bromance, Fluff

Purged of all his souls, Castiel is a changed being, stronger than an angel and too powerful for Jimmy's body to contain. Happily, there's an archangel's vessel on hand, and he could use fixing, too. Dean isn't too happy about the idea of his brother acting as a vessel for Castiel, and Sam can guess why, but it isn't until Castiel gets inside his head and they learn to share the vessel -- and their thoughts -- that Sam realises Cas is as in love with Dean as Dean is with him. It's unfortunate that there's nothing much to be done about it now, but Castiel will get another vessel soon. The Winchesters will make damn sure of that. In the meantime, it's up to the three of them to establish their own strange accord, and Dean realises more fully than ever that it's Castiel, and not his vessel, that he loves.

So Glad We Made It ❤by scaramouche M | 16k | Fluff, AU

At twelve years old, Dean makes a friend, who becomes his best friend, who will eventually become the love of his life.

Oh, the best friends who grow up together AU. I have a soft spot for fics like these-- comes with pining, awkward misunderstandings, and a good basis for a realistic relationship.

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) ❤ by kototyph E | 23k | Fluff, college au

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

FLUFF EVERYWHERE! This is definitely a feel-good fic and I love reading it when I'm sad. Or just you know, whenever.

But the Fire is So Delightful by kototyph E | 5k | Hot, hate then love, College AU

Apparently, it’s been snowing all day. [Dean is a Douchebag Fratboy with a Cherry Ass, Castiel is Angry and Aroused]

Stitches by askance T | 23k | Fluff, h/c, blindness, Canon!verse

Castiel survived Leviathan--but only barely. Vessel mauled and eyes destroyed, Cas is barely clinging to what's left of his grace when Dean finds him naked and alone on the reservoir's edge; in a panic, Dean brings him home to the cabin where he and Sam have been holed up off the grid. What follows is the slow process of the angel's recovery and the unexpected changes that come with his being blind, and in the three months this takes, their little family slowly begins to patch itself back together in forgiveness, love, and darkness.

When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone E | 25k | Fluff, canon!verse

Charlie is back in all her glory. The Winchesters have showed up on her doorstep and she’s making the best of it the only way she knows how. By being the little sister Dean never wanted and shipping the shit out of Destiel.

The Life After the Morning After by saltyfeathers T | 17k

Dean and Cas get uber drunk on their last day of University. They end up married. Neither of them seem to mind.

The Girlfriend Experience ❤ by Rageprufrock E | 15k | Hot, Canon!Verse, First time

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Classic Casturbation fic. Complete with steamy sexytimes, hilarious dialogue, and fed up and clueless Dean. Perfect.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire T | 14k | Canon!Verse, s8

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.)

Cowboys and Real Estate Angels by almaasi E | 36k | AU

Castiel crosses paths with the ever-charming Dean Winchester at a rodeo show in Texas, of all places. Dean's singing days are long bygone, but his crowd-pleasing skills haven't waned one iota. Unexpectedly, Castiel finds himself in Dean's bedroom; they take and they give, and discover that sometimes strangers can find love like this, too. (And if a man's faith can't be put in God, it needs to go somewhere...)

#destiel #deancas #spn #spn fic rec #destiel fic rec #*#list

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jackbeiste · 5 years

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heart of glass [jack + sebastian]

characters: jack beiste and sebastian smythe (@sebastiansmythejoie)

date: october 26

note: jack tries to figure out where he stands with sebastian and it doesn’t go very well

warnings: mentions of alcohol and sex

sebastian

It had been a long day for Sebastian but eventually day one of Lacrosse tryouts were over and all he wanted to do was flop down on his bed and sleep. A thought interrupted his dreaming of sleep as he reached his apartment; he had made plans with Jack tonight. Sebastian sighed. Not that he didn't want to spend time with Jack, he did, but the thought of having to leave again once he was home was exhausting. Seb pulled out his phone as he stripped down to shower. "Long day, can cocktails come to me?" Seb typed quickly, throwing the phone down on his bed and heading to the shower. Bas revelled in the feel of the heat streaming down his body; relaxing all of his muscles from hours of tight posture and fast moves. He let his eyes fall shut and his mind wander; imagining Jack in there with him, the shorter man flush against him, hard cocks pressed together, the sounds of Jack panting as Seb fingered him open... The sound of his phone buzzing with a response pulled Seb from his day dream and he grinned, quickly stroking his own cock to completion. There was a knock at the door and he hurried to finish dressing in just plain jeans and a t-shirt since he wasn't going out and it wasn't like he had to dress up for Jack; the man had seen him naked so many times now. Seb walked over to open the door; hair still wet but a grin on his face. "Hello handsome."

jack

Jack was waiting for Sebastian to finish try-outs, spending the time playing some Odyssey. It had been a while since he’d last played; he’d been too busy with school, D&D, figure painting, and well, boys. It was nice, he liked to just roam around ancient Greece like this. But he couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it would be with Sebastian next to him; studying his law books, Jack’s legs draped over his lap so the books would be resting on them and… he frowned, watching Alexios and his horse run right off a cliff thanks to his foolish distraction. He looked away, not quite able to admit the day dreams he’d been having of late, but also not quite able to bear the sight of Phobos dying. Odyssey truly made the death of the horse so brutal, especially in contrast to Alexios’ seeming inability to get injured from anything but a fight, and he couldn’t help the ‘sorry’ that slipped his lips quietly. He felt relief when he checked his message from Sebastian, happy to get away from his room and the day dreams he kept having of Sebastian in there. Collecting his stuff, he quickly got dressed to make the journey to the older man’s apartment, going over the drink recipe in his head. The sight of the brunette in just jeans and a t-shirt was surprising – he was always so well-dressed – and so… breath-taking. He looked so beautiful like this. Jack was almost glad the guy preferred to dress preppy most of the time. “Hey,” he murmured, stepping inside quickly while he could still tear his eyes off of Sebastian.

sebastian

Seb chuckled at the way Jack still seemed almost nervous around him, the way Jack so clearly walked by him without meeting his gaze. "So what are you making for this hard working teacher," he grinned, "I've half of todays turn out was entirely disappointing, I have a few hopefuls though," he commented, hopping up on a bar stool at the island in the kitchen, watching Jack; eyes roaming from his face to his ass.

jack

"Don't laugh... it's called Dicksch... Dicksucker," Jack admitted with a heavy blush. It had been introduced by one of his best friends, finding it hilarious at first, but they'd all ended up loving it. It was sweet and very effective. He unpacked his bag, glancing around. "Glasses?" He asked, rather sure Sebastian probably had fancier glasses than just water glasses for things like this.

sebastian

Seb actually laughed out loud, which wasn't a noise that was heard from his mouth often. "Dicksucker hm, well that sounds good to me. What's in it, or is it supposed to be a surprise." He winked. Seb moved over to a cabinet by his little dining table and pulled martini glasses, they were the best for cocktails in his opinion, "these are rather special, the blue glass is from a set I found on a trip to France at an arts market." He set them on the counter and jumped back on his bar stool; eager to have a front row seat to the gorgeous man.

jack

Jack gestured to his loot; pear vodka, blueberry schnapps, soda water and 7up. "Oh, cool," he said, studying the glasses carefully. They were definitely beautiful, but the 'rather special' made him a bit nervous. Still, he filled them with the ice he'd brought, putting the rest in the freezer before starting to mix the actual drink. "No ing.. injuries today?" he asked, glancing up at Sebastian. He'd been debating wether to try-out but he'd ultimately decided not to. He didn't really have time for it with all the D&D and figure painting as well as class and seeing friends.

sebastian

Seb grabber the bottle of pear vodka and smelled it before taking a small swig making a hum of approval. “I’m more a dark liquor person but this could be interesting.” He watched Jack intently as he mixed the drinks, not caring that he was blatantly staring. “No injury today, I was surprised by how well benji did I thought he was joking about trying out,, even with that frat party last night I survived so we have a few going onto the second day of try outs.”

jack

He could feel Sebastian's gaze on him, and he blushed as he glanced up to meet it. As he finished the first drink, he quickly started on the next one. "He seemed eks.. excited," he nodded, gently pushing thr first glass over to Sebastian after finishing his own drink too. "Fens... Fencing hungover?" He raised an eyebrow at him. He knew the swords had a special tip or whatever, but still... that seemed risky.

sebastian

"Damn Beiste, I don't think I've seen you make a drink this fast." Sebastian teased, he wasn't exactly in the mood to rush their night even with the second day of try outs tomorrow he had fun with Jack and had no intentions of rushing their fun. "Nothing much in the way of a hang over, frat parties tend to consist of cheep beer so it's the crap content that gets me more than the volume of alcohol." Seb shrugged, it really was no big deal to him to drink American light beers. "It was a fun time though."

jack

"Was it with your fre.. frat?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He wasn't entirely sure which frat he was in, it might be Gabe's frat. Sebastian didn't strike him as the frat party type, but then again, he more or less stated that he wasn't. Even with Gabe as a frat president though, that was still most of what he knew about frats. "Yeah?" He'd been to a few big parties, but he still preferred the casual parties, if you could call it that when it was just a bunch of friends sitting around, playing Dungeons and Dragons while getting drunk. "I've only been to one. I like... uh, party parties," he settled for, unable not to smile at his own joke.

sebastian

"No, sadly your big brother has turned it into the lamest frat on campus now it's his little daycare." Seb rolled his eyes, what was the point of a frat house if not a place to party. "I need to start a rebellion, he's not been throwing the mixers we need to make contacts out there in the real world for our careers. That's the only useful part of a Frat, well, that and the house full of easy lays with all the drunken guys wanting to explore there sexuality now they are away from their parents and judgy high school friends." Seb laughed. "What do you class as a 'party party'?"

jack

Jack just shrugged innocently at that, not knowing what to say. He understood that the rest of the fraternity maybe weren't too pleased that their president was suddenly a parent, and had to keep his surroundings safe and appropriate for a baby. But that also pleased him, knowing his nephew's needs weren't in any way neglected or compromised. He sipped on his drink, still waiting for Sebastian to try it, waiting for his reaction with nervous anticipation. The thought of him with some other guy hurt, even though he has never assumed anything different. But lately, the thought actually bothered him; and he took a sip to hide the slight frown on his lips as he couldn't quite block out a mental image of Sebastian having sex with some drunk undergraduate, some other Jack. "Don.. Dungeons and dragons."

sebastian

Seb watched Jack seem to shrug off his words so rather than commenting further he took a long drink. "Sweeter than I normally go for but a refreshing change." He nodded in agreement. Though if he was talking about the drink or Jack who really knew. Seb raised his eyebrows and chuckled, "Dungeons and Dragons counts as a party? You sound like that kid from last night."

jack

Jack did smile a little at that, pleased that the other man liked the drink. It made him relax even though he hadn't quite realised he'd been just a little tense as he waited for Sebastian's verdict. He frowned a little at the mention of whoever Sebastian's had hooked up with last night, but he couldn't help but feel a bit curious too; not sure whether he was interested in who it was or if he was slightly hurt that it didn't bother Sebastian much to be with someone that was a lot like Jack... without being him. "Yeah? Do you know his name?"

sebastian

Sebastian played with the straw in his drink surveying Jack. Tonight the young man didn't seem quite his usual self. Most nights he was gushing about something nerdy he was into or flirting up a storm with Seb but tonight he seemed tense. The two had fallen into an easy back and forth over the recent weeks but here now it was more like their first time when neither of them knew what the other would do. Seb narrowed his eyes, he felt like somehow this was a trick question. "Yangi, didn't catch his last name. Nerdy guy, hot too."

jack

Yangi. He felt his chest tighten and sweeped the rest of his drink as he tried to collect his thoughts. There was no doubt that it was the same Yangi. He wasn't sure what pissed him off the most - that Sebastian had gone for Yangi because Jack had to admit he had a small crush on him or because Yangi didn't seem like the kind of person who would be interested in the kind of relation Sebastian offered. It made him feel weird about the two of them too. "Seriso.. Seriously?"

sebastian

Sebastian chuckled. "Seriously, the kid hadn't even had a first kiss yet if you can believe it so I didn't get much. He may be hot but you're more fun." He winked, teasing Jack and enjoying his drink. Bas didn't think much of sharing his escapades with the younger man; it wasn't as if they were anywhere near monogamous. They were both sleeping with Val and who knew how many others. They had never discussed being exclusive or defined their relationship in any way. To Sebastian they were friends who enjoyed each others company and bodies. The concept of friends was even relatively new to Sebastian; he had family and team mates and the brotherly yet sexual relationship with Val but beyond that his relationships with Marley, Ariel and Topher he had developed over the last year or so were still so new to him he had no idea what this thing with Jack was.

jack

Jack just stared at him, a shaky hand placing the glass back on the table. "You... first kiss?" He asked, the last coming out as a hiss. Of course, Yangi was more than free to do what he wanted to do, and if he wanted Sebastian to be his first kiss, then Jack didn't have a problem with it. But he had a feeling he hadn't quite grasped who he was getting involved with before that kiss. Jack still regretted his first time, not because it hadn't been good, it had felt really good, but it hadn't been special. He couldn't even remember the guy's name. He knew it wasn't Sebastian, but looking back, Jack doubted he was much different from the man sitting in front of him. When he got involved with Sebastian, he had been confused but he knew what he was getting himself into; Gabe made sure to warn him more than once or twice. He knew, and still... he felt like this. It made him worried about Yangi, but mostly angry - especially as Sebastian was sitting here, with that god damn smirk on his face as he told the funny story about the nerdy freshman whose first kiss he'd taken. Did he talk about Jack like this with others? About how eager he was for a shy boy, how he would let Sebastian fuck him so hard he was all sore the days after, or how he kept wanting to see him? Did he chuckle, and say, 'I can't turn the poor thing away. And he's a decent fuck, so...' ? Jack swallowed hard, suddenly not sure wether he was more mad about Yangi or sad over the realisation that all he was was just another fumbling but eager freshman in Sebastian's eyes, the latest entertainment? Until the next one? When Gabriel had warned him, he had assumed it was because Sebastian never went further than fuck buddies. He hadn't expected it to be because Sebastian was just looking for another play thing.

sebastian

Seb furrowed his brow “yeah first kiss, that a problem? You think he should be saving himself for marriage or something?” He chuckled he didn’t believe in love and marriage and was perplexed that his fuck buddy would be judging him for kissing a guy he just met, or judging that guy for kissing Sebastian. Wasn’t like he could talk he was fucking Seb more than even Val these days.

jack

"Oh, fuck you," Jack spat out. "Yangi is my friend. He... You can't just kiss him." His words came out weird, but he didn't care. He was surprised he could get them out somewhat decently considering how he just wanted to cry right now. "You don't care, do you?"

sebastian

"I prefer to fuck you, he winked. "I can't just kiss a man who is willing an able?" Seb laughed, he was so surprised at Jack who never seemed to have a problem with Seb kissing him. "I care that it was a good kiss, what more am I supposed to care about? It was his first kiss so have to marry him? Or should he be saving himself for marriage like you are?" Seb growled back, not missing the malice in Jacks tone.

jack

"What if it wasn't just a kiss for him?" Jack hissed back, but took a step back at the last of Sebastian's words as if he'd been punched. Suddenly, he didn't know what he was doing. His one night stand had been surprising, but it had been the result of him trying to just... go with the college flow. But what the fuck was he doing, continuing to see people like Sebastian? There wasn't just fuck buddies in Jack's world. He grew attached. And he had. To Sebastian and Valerian both, even if it happened to be in different ways. Yet, the man he'd wanted to confess his crush - or was it more than just a crush at this point? - to just minutes ago... the same man seemed to not give a fuck that he'd kissed Yangi, a shy and soft boy, without any thoughts on even talking to him again probably. "Am I just a fuck?" He asked quietly.

sebastian

"It was a frat party we talked and made out of course it was nothing more don't be so ridiculous, I'm Sebastian Smythe, if you're kissing me you know exactly what you're getting into, or not getting into as the case may be. There is nothing more to it. You and I? We fuck and yeah we hang out but what else could it possibly be. You know who I am." Seb growled, not meeting Jacks eyes because all of these questions were so much more painful than he knew how to handle. A life time of repressing feeling left Seb with no idea how to process the idea of someone being more than just a fuck. This was his life and whether or not he was happy with it was no matter.

jack

Jack shoved his shaking hands into the pockets of his jeans, staring down at the counter. "Not everyone knou.. knows who you are," He said, his tone more mocking than he'd planned. How could he have possibly convinced himself that there was something between him and Sebastian? Even Valerian, with his indifference, treated him better than this. He sniffled, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. There was a lot he wanted to say still, but he didn't know how, or even where to start. And he didn't feel quite sure he wanted to know the answers to his questions. "Would you care if I stoo.. stopped coming? Or wa.. would you just find someone else?"

sebastian

Seb laughed, "everyone knows who I am if they are in a position to be kissing me Jack." He taunted, not letting Jack's tone get to him, or appear to get to him at least. "As long as we are fucking you wont stop coming." He winked. "You're not the only person I'm fucking, you realise that don't you." Seb raised an eyebrow, wondering what Jack thought was happening between them.

jack

"Val isn't you," Jack said quietly. "I'd miss you, even if I saw him," he added before letting out a weak, hollow laugh. Had he really thought that was a mutual feeling? He reached a hand up to wipe away his tears, feeling his cheeks burn with humiliation; both for the tears but... this. Was it really too much to ask to be someone to Sebastian? He just couldn't bear the thought that he was just a current fuck whose name the older man would eventually not even remember. "Is that it? Jo.. just enjoying to see how many stuph... id freshmen you can add to your count? You're just a fucking Shelob." If Sebastian had even thought about it, about anyone but himself and his stupid fucking dick, he surely would've seen that kissing Yangi had been a dick move. "Just... fuck you," he spat out, shaking his head as he rushed out of the kitchen, slamming the front door shut behind him as he left.

sebastian

"What does Val have to do with this?" Seb scoffed, "I prefer my freshman with at least half a brain thank you," He chuckled but taking a step back away from Jack as he saw the other man wiping tears from his eyes. He wasn't accustomed to crying people, especially not men he was fucking. The anger and hurt in Jacks face made him feel like he was going to throw up and he had no idea why or what it meant. "Fine if you have such a problem with my actions don't bother coming back." Seb shouted as Jack rushed away. His shoulders slumped once the door to his apartment slammed. All the fight left him and all he felt was empty.

#char: sebastian #inter: para #para: heart of glass

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stories-by-shanna-p · 6 years

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Plot Bunny Adoption Challenge 2019

Fandoms Involved In This Challenge: Supernatural, Hobbit, Harry Potter, Star Wars (A total of 62 Plot Bunnies!!!)

Hey there everyone! As promised, I am hosting a new challenge in 2019 for plot bunny adoptions! I know a lot of people make new years resolutions to ‘write more’, I know I did, so I thought I would contribute!!! :D :D :D

So, if you are interested and want a challenge, read the rules and plot bunnies below! Maybe one of them will be going home with you! Just like previous adoptions, only one person gets a plot bunny so it will be completely unique to you, no one else gets it, so enjoy!

Also, to note, some of the ideas are multi-chapter ideas, as I saw some people saying they wanted some new multi-chap ideas...so have fun. Feel free to make them one-shots or multi-chapter! ^^ There are one shot ideas too, I tried to make a variety for different tastes! Also, if one of the plot bunnies says ‘reader’ or ‘OC’, feel free to change it or make them any gender! It is your plot bunny! XD

Rules of the Challenge:

If you would like to enter the challenge, you need to send me an ASK with the plot bunny you would like to adopt!

Only one person per plot bunny! If it has been adopted before you ask for it, you will have to choose a new one. It will be first come first served!

The story, or first chapter of the story, will be due by February 28th so the Master Post for the Challenge can be posted March 1st!

When posting you need to tag me (so I can add it to the Master Post) and also include the tag #Tale Teller’s Plot Bunny Challenge 2019

Plot bunnies available for adoption are below the keep reading line!

If you finish early, you are welcome to request a new plot bunny but only after the first one has been posted!

Let me know via ASK if you want added to the tag list for this challenge! OR!!! Reach out to the writer, I will list who is doing what below, and let them know how excited you are for the story and ask them to! Who knows, you may make a new friend in 2019!!! :D

These plot bunnies are story ideas I that I have had, so if you want more ideas or such on a certain bunny, shoot me a message! Below is just a vague outline, I’m happy to chat more if you would like more inspiration or are curious what my brain came up with...But feel free to run with an idea and make it yours! I am looking forward to see what amazing stories these plot bunnies inspire! :D

Plot Bunnies up for Adoption:

Supernatural Fandom

· Plot Bunny #5: High school AU where the Novaks move to a new school as Gabe takes an interest in a girl, but the guys say don’t bother, she is too stuck up and thinks she is better than everyone. But Gabe likes a challenge, and the girl seems nice, so he decides to befriend her. His heart breaks when he finds out the secret truth hiding behind her emotionless mask.

· Plot Bunny #6: While making his rounds as the trickster, Gabriel gets in a chat room and meets someone. They become quick friends and continue to chat for months, until one day they ask to meet him.

· Plot Bunny #8: Highschool AU. You are dating the popular senior, Dick Roman, when the Shirleys move into town. Your life gets turned upside down when the shy new kid, Castiel Shirley, catches your eye.

Harry Potter Fandom

· Plot Bunny #12: Girl is in Gryffindor, but is mischievous. Need a group of four in potions and gets put with Draco, Crabb, and Goyle. Become slight friends, but have falling out when they find out she is muggleborn. But can friendship over come those differences?

· Plot Bunny #13: George, wanting to spend time with his girl over the summer, signs up for summer camp (week long) that she is doing. It is a muggle camp, so she makes him leave his wand with Molly. George learns how hard it is to cope without magic.

Star Wars Fandom

· Plot Bunny #14: OC is resistance spy, but saves Hux’s life. Could friendship or love come from such differences?

Hobbit Fandom

· Plot Bunny #15: After reclaiming Erebor and the restoration is mostly done, the princes decide to put their skills to work by creating a memorial in the hall of kings for their father.

· Plot Bunny #16: You are friends with Thorin, Dwalin, and all. You are a bar maid in Ered Luin, they always bring liveliness to the place, and are very protective of you.

· Plot Bunny #19: Bilbo tries to teach Thorin how to garden, and Thorin tries to teach Bilbo blacksmithing.

· Plot Bunny #20: Upon his return, Bilbo throws a dinner for his family to explain his absence. He assumed Thorin, the Dwarf King, would be fine…but Thorin is in over his head…then add Lobelia to the mix.

· Plot Bunny #21: Modern AU: Bilbo is a school teacher (younger children) and Fili and Kili are his students. When they get into mischief, the school calls Dis, but since she is busy at work, Bilbo gets to finally meet Uncle Thorin.

· Plot Bunny #23: After Thorin, Fili, and Kili’s death, during the burial, they are there to say their final goodbyes to the company.

· Plot Bunny #29: Thorin watching Fili and Kili while Dis and her husband have alone time. They are both such a handful as children, especially with their favorite uncle.

· Plot Bunny #31: Thorin is with a very young Kili and Fili in Ered Luin when he looses track of them. They find their way to a bakery, where a human woman takes care of them, until Thorin finds them. Could this be the start of something new?

· Plot Bunny #32; When they were toddlers, Fili and Kili were stolen by rogue dwarves, but were found by Hobbits, and taken in by a young Belladonna Took (before she was married), so when Gandalf sends the company to the Shire for their burglar, they assume it is her, and everyone is excited to see her again…but then they find out she passed away, and the one going on the trip is her child, Bilbo.

· Plot Bunny #40: You are from our world, and survived the journey and BOFA. When the time comes for the kingdom of elves, dwarves, and man to make peace, they need a mediator. Your name comes up, as you are completely unbiased, as you have no loyalties since you are not from this world. So you become the mediator, having to find a peace between Mirkwood, Dale, Erebor, and Dain (Iron Hills).

· Plot Bunny #43: You were Kili’s love before the journey. And you were so happy to here they were alive and well, until you receive a letter from Fili telling you about Kili and Tauriel. But what happens when Kili realizes realizes how much he misses and loves you, and not Tauriel...can he win you back?

· Plot Bunny #47: The reader, by some magic, after wishing she could help the company more, is sent to Erebor where she meets Smaug. For some reason, he doesn’t kill her and then they become friends. Can this new ‘friendship’ change the outcome of something already destined?

· Plot Bunny #48: Story of little moments that the spymaster, Nori, sees when he is being sneak. 1: Ori setting up a prank on Dwalin, but working it so Fili and Kili get the blame 2: One where Thorin and Bilbo are trying to keep their relationship under wraps, Nori spys a private moment. 3: Kili and Tauriel where they discuss how they are secretly already married, and how their “second wedding” that is being planned is pointless.

· Plot Bunny #49: Instead of dying at Moria, Frerin was taken by the Orcs and kept prisoner. After BOFA, they tracked the Orcs back to their big camp and find him. He is brought back to Erebor, where he helped settle in and meets the company, including Bilbo, and.the girl they found along the way. Can all of his friends and family help him adjust to the new life?

· Plot Bunny #50: Thorin goes back to the Shire to live with Bilbo. When Frodo comes into the picture, it is almost hilarious how Thorin and Bilbo view raising him…as Bilbo is a first time parent and Thorin raised Fili and Kili.

· Plot Bunny #51: Thorin passes the throne to Fili and goes with Bilbo to the Shire. Hobbits are suspicious at first, so Thorin decides to do his best to acclimate. The clothes, no weapons…no shoes. It’s a nice gesture...so why does it keep going wrong?

· Plot Bunny #52: Being King doesn’t allow much time to spend with his love, Bilbo, so Thorin takes advantage of every moment he can. Otherwise known as: Always getting Caught

· Plot Bunny #53: Bilbo stays in Erebor at Thorin’s side as King’s Consort. Thorin is proud and happy how Bilbo is coming into life under the mountain, taking everything in stride, but can’t help but laugh when Bilbo snaps one night after a meeting about how something must be done about his chair…because his feet won’t reach the ground.

· Plot Bunny #55: Modern AU: When something breaks, Bilbo goes into town to find someone to fix it. In this case, it happens to be the handsome Thorin. When he leaves, Bilbo knows he has to meet him again, so he breaks something else for an excuse. But how many things must he break before Thorin picks up on it?

· Plot Bunny #56: When a soul leaves, sometimes it has unfinished business. Thorin had unfinished business, so he wasn’t prepared that when he closed his eyes, he would open them again…or when he came back that he would be a grown Hobbit…outside of the Shire…maybe the universe is trying to tell him something? But will our hardheaded king listen...or go back to Erebor?

· Plot Bunny #57: Everyone lives AU. The company (dwarves) decide to get together for a reunion. They decide to go to the Shire since that was where it started. It is like Deja vu, especially since no one bothered to tell Bilbo about it.

· Plot Bunny #60: Random inner dialogue of different people at memorable parts, cause don’t you always wonder what was going through their minds?

· Plot Bunny #62: Getting the company to sing “Hi Ho” while on the journey.

· Plot Bunny #63: Seeing you feeling down, the company try to cheer you up by learning songs from your ipod before it dies and putting on a performance for you.

· Plot Bunny #64; Reader is from modern world and descends to middle earth and she has cancer, the company finds out halfway through the trip that she only has a couple months left. She survived the battle as does everyone else, but eventually falls to the illness. Thoin has her buried in the hall of kings. But that isn’t the last they see her...she is the angel that guides them peacefully, when it is their time, to Mahal’s Halls.

#Tale Teller's Plot Bunny Challenge 2019

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365daysofus · 4 years

Photo

Mar 5-6

Morning brunch at Jeffrey’s fam place. There were so many people there and it felt like “normal” outside of Covid. So surprising but comforting.

Went on an afternoon walk with Jeffrey outside, forgot what it’s called. Look at these cute houses ppl built and left here!

Games night with Gabe, Jeffrey, Kim, Nanda, Henry O, John. Oneword is a new game that I like! Games with friends are FUN!

Mar 7

Lots of HAIL outside on this day! Got to pick up my e-reader from RJ. So excited for this to level up my reading! I’m at this point of my reading level. YES

Mar 8-9

Talked to my family and revealed the news to my dad especially! Aha literally he dropped his fork while eating and was so surprised. Thought it was hilarious. Of course once again he is bringing up school and my mom also. Nothing new, but whatever just doing me.

Mar 10

There’s a water leakage in my bathroom from upstairs. Mike, our landlord was so on top of it. Good thing I caught it early. After work on a stroll with Jeffrey and threw around a frisbee. More beautiful days coming up and found out our jacuzzi and gym is open! Oh ya!

#sb

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pippiessweathogs · 7 years

Text

Welcome Back Kotter fanfiction Show Me Yours part 2

Title: Show Me Yours

Fandom: Welcome Back, Kotter

Pairing: Vinnie/Rosalie

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Set during the episode “Classroom Marriage”, Rosalie flashes Vinnie in the Kotter’s bathroom. When Vinnie tries to get more from her, she proposes a deal with him.

Part two

Walking along the sidewalk amongst the busy Brooklyn street, the students headed in different directions towards their homes. Vinnie quickened his stride, closing his trench coat around his waist, and looked up as he spied Rosalie. Catching up with her, he went up behind her and placed his hands on her hips. When he did this, she jumped with a startled shriek, and whipped around, ready to strike at her assailant. Avoiding being hit, Vinnie jumped back with both hands in the air by his head.

“Hotsie! Hotsie it’s me!”

“Oh Vinnie! I’m sorry about that.”

“No, sorry I surprised you like that.” He stuck his hands into the pockets of his coat and grinned a little. “Glad I was able to catch up with you. I kinda wanted to talk to you in private.”

“Oh yeah? What about?”

They both started walking forward, with Vinnie right by her side. Vinnie had a brief awkward moment with his hands as he tried to decide what to do with them; he did not know whether to place one on Rosalie’s back or to keep them tucked in his pockets.

“Well it’s just that, uh, well I…” He turned to her and stopped walking, looking at her in frustration. “Aw come on, Hotsie! You showed me your tits and let me kiss you. Then you stop in the middle of making out with me!”

She looked at him, giving her hair a small toss. “Yeah, what’s your point?”

“My point?” He huffed. “My point is…” He pointed at her before placing his hands on his hips. “Why can’t we finish what we started?”

“What? Right here on the street?”

Vinnie snickered “Well, no, not here. We could go somewhere else where nobody will see us.”

“I ain’t going with you to make out behind the billboards on 84th street.” She looked at him and smiled. “Alright, Vinnie. I’ll go somewhere to make out with you.” He smiled, ready to respond, but she cut him off. “But, before I do that, you gotta do something for me.”

“Like what?”

“I’ll make a deal with you. Only if you do this, then I will make out with you.”

He smirked. “Yeah? Alright, what’s the deal?”

“Since I showed you my tits… you gotta show me yours.”

“Hotsie,” His face fell and he shook his head. “Hotsie I think I’m gonna have trouble doing that. I mean I ain’t got no tits to show ya.”

She laughed. “No, Vinnie. You know what I mean.”

Vinnie hesitated for a moment, appearing to think over what she said. “Alright, fine. It’s a deal.”

“Great.” She shook his hand. “But, uh,” They started walking again. “Of course it can’t happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow after school sometime.”

He nodded “Oh sure. That works.”

She grinned. “Great.” They continued walking for a few steps. “Oh and uh, since we’re already walking together, you might as well walk me home.”

“Ok. I can do that. But I ain’t showing you on the way.”

Rosalie laughed and playfully pushed him away from her.

~~~~~~

As the students left the classroom, laughing and commenting over the lesson on marriage that Gabe displayed before them. They all knew that the demonstration was a sneaky way to get Freddie and Vernajean to reconsider getting married. When it worked, they were all grateful. S they gathered around their lockers, Vinnie approached Epstein, still laughing,

“Man, Epstein, I gotta tell ya. That gibberish you were singin’ during that fake wedding ceremony; that was hilarious! How’d you come up with that?”

“What gibberish? Barbarino, that was Hebrew.”

“Whatever it was, it was hilarious. How’d you know to do that?”

“Are you kidding me? As big as my family is, I’ve been dragged to more weddings than I can count. So many that I could perform a ceremony at any time straight from memory. What you saw in the classroom was the condensed version.”

Vinnie laughed and placed a hand on Epstein’s shoulder. “I now pronounce you, Father Epstein.”

“Barbarino, I’m a Jew so that would make me a Rabbi, not a Priest.”

“Oh yeah. Well then I now pronounce you Rabbi Epstein.”

Their conversation was interrupted when Horshack walked up to them, laughing. He continued laughing as he walked by, causing them to crack smiles as they shook their heads with amusement. Walking hand-in-hand, Freddie and Vernajean also walked past them, each making snarky remarks. Returning a remark of his own, Epstein then followed them down the hallway as they each headed to their next class.

Once they were alone in the hallway, Vinnie grinned at Rosalie before strolling over to her. he stood next to her, and placed a hand on the locker behind her head.

“So, Hotsie, last night.” His grin spread. “Last night sure was somethin’. You and me in the Kotter’s bathroom.”

She nodded. “I know what happened, Vinnie. I was there, remember?” She laughed.

“Yeah I know.” He grinned, looking into her eyes. “Why don’t we continue that now? We both know we’d have a lot of fun.”

Shaking her head, she laughed and moved away from him. ‘Vinnie don’t you remember the deal we made last night?”

“So you mean you’re actually sticking to that?”

“Of course. What kind of girl do you think I am, Vinnie?”

“Well right now I’m thinkin’ you ain’t nothin’ but a big tease.”

“Maybe I am. But maybe I ain’t. Guess you’ll find out after school. Behind the brick wall.”

“The graffiti wall?” Rosalie nodded at him. He hesitated, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. “Alright. I’ll stick to the deal and meet you there.”

She grinned and turned to walk down the hall. “Can’t wait.”

As Rosalie walked away, Vinnie stood there, looking at the floor. He was torn between feeling discouraged and excited. With a slight grin and nod of his head, he then turned down the hallway right on time for the tardy bell to ring.

~~~~~~

Vinnie stood outside the school. In front of him was a graffiti covered brick wall that seemed completely out of place. Directly behind him was the wall of the school building. He exhaled slowly as he focused on the wall, trying not to seem anxious. Leaning against the building, he closed his eyes, mentally hoping Rosalie would not show up. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Rosalie smiling as she approached him.

“Oh you are here, Vinnie. I was thinking you were gonna back out.”

“Ok, ok, you’re here. Let’s get this over with.” He placed his hands at the top of his pants and then looked at her. “Wait. There ain’t nobody else around, is there? ‘Cause I ain’t intending on showing nobody but you.”

“Don’t worry, Vinnie. I checked and nobody else is around.”

He nodded “Ok.” He started unfastening his pants, but Rosalie interrupted him with a small snicker.

“What? You’re going to just whip it out just like that?”

“Do you want me to do this, or not?”

“Ok, ok. Go ahead.” She grinned.

Hesitating, Vinnie looked at her before slowly unzipping his pants. He then nodded his head before gripping the top of his pants in his hands. Deciding to get it over with, he shoved his pants and underwear down, exposing himself completely to her. Rosalie laughed before glancing behind here, waving someone over to them.

“Hey guys, quick!”

Suddenly, with Vernajean leading them, the other three guys jumped around the corner, laughing. Vernajean, holding a Polaroid camera, immediately started taking pictures of Vinnie, before he could react to anything. While trying to dodge the camera, Vinnie quickly turned away and pulled up his pants. As he did this, Epstein turned to Freddie with a smirk, holding out one hand, palm side up. Frowning, Freddie reached into his pocket and pulled out a five-dollar bill and then slipped it into Epstein’s palm.

When Vinnie turned back around to face everybody, he showed them how upset he was. He scowled, waving his arms in front of him.

“Alright, alright! That’s enough!” He stated, getting everyone to stop laughing. He turned his attention onto Rosalie. “You set me up!”

“OF course I did, Vinnie.” She snickered

“Why would you do that? This ain’t funny!”

Freddie grinned, showing off his teeth. “It’s funny to us.”

Vinnie folded his arms across his chest, frowning at Rosalie. “You weren’t ever gonna make out with me, were you?”

“What? And miss all this fun?”

Shaking his head, Vinnie walked away without saying a word to anyone. The others laughed until he was out of sight. Once they knew he was gone, they all looked at each other in silence for a few moments.

“I think you really upset him, Rosalie.” Vernajean said

“Yeah. Do you think he’ll ever come back?” Horshack asked, looking in the direction Vinnie went.

“He’ll cool down.” Said Freddie “When he does, he’ll come back and realize how funny this was.”

Rosalie looked at them with a slight frown. “And if he doesn’t think it’s funny, what then?”

“Well look at the bright side.” Epstein stepped forward and picked up the pictures that fell from the camera. “We got these pictures to remember the moment.”

The others came around Epstein, looking at the pictures in his hand. Then, as they started to walk away, they started laughing together over the pictures.

#Welcome Back Kotter #fanfiction #WBK fanfiction #Kotter fics #Show Me Yours

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dearcomnormurphy · 7 years

Note

Is it wrong to say 1 - 50 for the asks?

Hahaha! Nah, I’ve got time! But I need shows to fill in for numbers 34 and 35!

1: First musical you saw?It was either Hello, Dolly! or Some Like it Hot. I was like 5 or 6 and they were around the same time so I forget which was first.

2: Last musical you saw?Chicago!

3: First straight play you saw?I’m not even sure… I know I’ve seen a few but I don’t remember what my first one was. It was probably something one of my friends was in in middle school.

4: Last straight play you saw?I had to see this one for my theatre class a few years back but I forget the name but there were only two characters the whole show and it was so incredibly boring.

5: First musical movie you saw?Probably Grease!

6: Last musical movie you saw?Maybe The Greatest Showman?

7: Favorite musical(s)?Oh boy, I’ll go with my top 4. Wicked, Dear Evan Hansen, Newsies, Next to Normal

8: Least favorite musical(s)?Idk, I mean there’s some I enjoy less than others but I can’t think of any I dislike. Maybe The Drowsy Chaperone? I saw it when my college did it and I wasn’t impressed.

9: Favorite play(s)?HP and the Cursed Child and The Curious Incident

10: Least favorite play(s)?Whatever one I had to see for my theatre class lol

11: Favorite actor(s)?Mike Faist, Aaron Tveit, Jeremy Jordan, Darren Criss

12: Favorite actress(es)?Sierra Boggess, Laura Osnes, Laura Dreyfuss, Lea Michele

13: Most overrated musical(s)?Falsettos (plz don’t @ me, I just didn’t care for it that much!)

14: Most underrated musical(s)?BONNIE AND CLYDE AND NEXT TO NORMAL AND BANDSTAND

15: Most overrated play(s)?Idk, I don’t know as many plays

16: Most underrated play(s)?See above question

17: Favorite scene(s)?Ever? The Defying Gravity scene. I sob every time.

18: Favorite musical number(s)?Defying Gravity, Sincerely Me, King of New York, I’m Alive

19: Favorite role(s)?Elphaba Thropp, Connor Murphy, Fiyero, Gabe Goodman, Eliza Schuyler

20: Favorite composer(s)?Pasek and Paul, Lin Manuel-Miranda, York & Kitt, ALW, and more

21: Favorite score(s)?Phantom of the Opera maybe?

22: Favorite movie musical(s)?Les Mis

23: Least favorite movie musical(s)?I’m not a big fan of the Into the Woods movie

24: Favorite film adaption of a play?I’m not even sure what movies were originally plays tbh

25: Least favorite film adaption of a play?See above question

26: Favorite show you’ve been in?MacBeth, probably. I’ve only ever been in a few.

27: Least favorite show you’ve been in?This one I did in one of my theatre classes. It was written but an alumni but I didn’t like it.

28: What kind of theatre excites you?Musicals!

29: Favorite warm-up?Listening to music

30: How did you get into theatre?One of my best friends was in it

31: Who are your biggest inspirations when it comes to theatre?Mike Faist, Sierra Boggess, Idina Menzel

32: What is your dream show?Wicked

33: What is your dream role?Elphaba!

34: What musical would you like to see turn into a movie?Wicked and Dear Evan Hansen

37: A show that you hate that most people like?I don’t hate any shows!

38: A show that you like that most people hate?Idk what most people hate lol

39: Broadway crush?MIKE FAIST.

40: Have you ever had stage fright?Kind of?

41: A role that you feel you’ve been cheated out of?None because I’ve never had a proper audition lol

42: Have you taken a theatre class?Yep!43: Best experience in the theatre?Probably seeing Wicked for the first time. I sobbed.

44: Worst experience in the theatre?Mmm maybe when I saw the something rotten tour and 1. I had hives and 2. Adam Pascal didn’t perform and I was so bummed because I love him

45: Funniest experience in the theatre?Seeing Something Rotten on Broadway because it’s a HILARIOUS show

46: Weirdest experience in the theatre?When I saw bandstand and then won the broadway roulette to see bandstand again the next night because there was over 40 shows I could’ve gotten but I got the one I had just seen lol. Not complaining though because it’s brilliant!

47: Favorite thing about theatre?The live-ness of it all. How you’re actually in the room with the actors and living through the experience with them and everyone else in the audience

48: Least favorite thing about theatre?It’s expensive

49: Favorite choreography in a show?Gah. Andy Blankenbueller (I know I spelled that wrong I’m sorry) and whoever choreographed Newsies I know I’m such a bad fan for forgetting!

50: If you could have dinner with any 3 Broadway people (actors, composers, directors, etc) who would it be with and why?Mike Faist because he is so interesting and passionate about his career. Darren Criss because he seems so smart and I’ve heard people have great conversations with him. And Idina Menzel because she is everything and the queen of theatre.

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yutaya · 7 years

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Things About the Be More Chill Revival (Nov 12, 2017 performance)

This actually got really long so I’m putting it under a cut. Warning for Be More Chill spoilers below, I guess.

Before the show and during intermission they were running tweets from the audience on the backsplash

In the program there’s a spread that’s like yearbook photos with in-character photos and quotes

This is just an Exit 82 theater thing but on the wall were the heckling muppets

When Jeremy’s Theme started the silent “oh my god oh my god oh my god is this really happeninggggg” emanating from EVERYONE IN THE THEATER was physically palpable

Every time a new scene or song would start or when a character would enter the stage the crowd would cheer

Jeremy does not bump into Rich trying to escape the girls prompting the “don’t touch me, tall-ass!” line and the “boyf” writing. Instead, Rich actively seeks out Jeremy and shouts the line about not touching him, even though Rich is the one who just ran up and grabbed him from behind completely unprompted.

Rich also runs straight over to Jeremy’s chair when he enters play rehearsal even though Jeremy’s not even looking at him to start shaking him and humping his chair.

An interesting thing: Jake and Rich do not seem to be the same kind of friends here. In the 2015 version, we saw them greet each other coming in opposite directions down the hallway with a high-five-low-five sort of custom-bro-fist-bump, semi paralleling Jeremy and Michael’s secret handshake later in the same song, and start talking about the weekend or previous day or w/e and Madeline. However, in the 2017 version, much like Rich just ran up to and instigated the "Don’t touch me!” interaction with Jeremy while Jeremy wasn’t paying him any attention, Jake just walks right past them and Rich is the one who runs at him from behind, calling out the “Yo Jakey-D!” greeting and weaving his way into Jake’s space to get Jake to look at him. It definitely brings to mind the whole “Rich is a sad suicidal loser who wants to be a part of the It crowd so he got a Squip but honestly he’s still stuck on the outside looking in and even when everybody is talking about him and what happened to him and what he would want if he were here nobody even bothers to fucking visit him in the hospital - the first visitor he sees is Michael but Michael is only there for Jeremy and is an anti-social headphones kid so Rich has to wait for Jeremy to wake up to have someone to ask about what people are saying about him at school” thing

I know everyone ships Rich/Jake because best bros or something but honestly the person Rich seemed to devote the majority of his attention to in this version was Jeremy haha

For the first “Christiiiiiiiiiiiiine” part of More Than Survive, rather than loads of super Extra twirling and stuff by Christine, she was doing things like wiping her mouth with the back of her hand - things that normally might not be considered super attractive and highlighting how she’s super special in Jeremy’s eyes when other people would just see a random person.

She does get SUPER excited later when she sees the play sign up sheet though. Slams her hands on the wall to stare hungrily at it, dives to the ground to rifle through her backpack for a pen, and Jake lifting her up while they do contemporary dance poses lasts for the entire time Jeremy and Michael are singing her name.

When Jeremy has the verse about “why can’t someone just help me out” he legit sounds like he’s about to cry

On his way out after inviting Christine to the mall later, Jake pauses while passing Jeremy and lets him know that “Someone wrote Boy-Eff on your backpack” in the same sort of sweet considerate way that Christine did during More Than Survive. This is interesting because it 1. Shows Jake being kind (directly after putting him in a situation that might normally paint him as the love-rival-therefore-enemy - but, oh, fuck, no, he’s nice) and 2. implies that Jake does not know about Rich bullying Jeremy. See: Rich and Jake might not actually be close friends^

In the bathroom, when Jeremy says “aren’t you gonna wash your hands?” Rich walks up to him and pointedly RUBS HIS DIRTY PENIS HANDS ALL OVER JEREMY’S FACE AND CHEST

In Two-Player Game, Jeremy is standing up for the “favorite person” line, so Michael also stands up and walks over to tuck his head against Jeremy’s shoulder while mocking him. Jeremy shoves him away and Michael just stays with his body locked in the same position and lets himself dead fall onto the beanbags

Michael dabs during one of the first “cool in college” lines and it’s like “wow you ARE a loser”

They did this dorky pseudo dancing that was like amateur fighting moves like jump kicks and karate chops, and at one pint they were leap frogging over each other? dorrrrrrks

In the transition from Two-Player Game to the mall to go buy the Squip, Mario runs across the stage and does the little Mario jump like to hit a block and get a new item

By the way, Jeremy really does look SUPER awkward on Day 1. His striped shirt I thought was weirdly over a long-sleeve shirt even though the pattern didn’t lend itself well to that, but then it turns out they are one shirt?? It’s like that on purpose??? The Eminem shirt + vest combo really does look a lot cooler on him after that.

His body language is SO AWKWARD it was all very Evan Hansen

At the Payless, the drug dealers are these two goths so instead of the “sooooo Wolverine, right?” line it’s “soooo My Chemical Romance, right?”

The goth twins are speaking in unison in creepy computer voices and circling Jeremy and like - touching him while he squirms uncomfortably much like later during Do You Wanna Ride

They give him the entire shoebox for the one pill? Which I guess makes it less “???” for Rich to have the shoebox in his locker later”

When Jeremy is jerking around and yelping at the mall, Christine is asking what’s wrong, Jake is recoiling and someone (Jenna maybe? Our seats were really far away we couldn’t see anyone’s faces just their bodies) is recording, but when he escalates to screaming in pain they all just... get freaked out and run away? Leaving him alone on the floor even though he’s CLEARLY in major distress.

The squip stands with a very wide stance, like the standing version of taking up three bus seats. It’s a very obvious contrast especially in his first scenes to Jeremy in his hunched and close-legged position. When not standing, the squip is either crouching in a very predatory Gabe Goodman “I’m Alive” sort of way or lounging in a somehow very cool careless bad boy sort of manner.

When Jeremy is reciting the Squip’s story about Madeline and the shirt to Brooke and Chloe at the mall, he is making all the same arm gestures etc that the Squip is making - though more awkward in execution.

The “Hey Hamlet” actions were HILARIOUS. He literally collapsed over the table, then threw himself onto the floor like Draco Malfoy.

In Do You Wanna Ride Brooke and Chloe are basically dirty dancing on Jeremy and he looks SO UNCOMFORTABLE like he’s about to die and not in a “wow this is too hot my brain will explode” way more like an “extremely fucking terrified” sort of way

Brooke really drew out the “Pi~i~i~i~i~i~i~ink~i~ink~i~ink ~i~ink ~i~ink ah-Berryyyyyyyyyyyyy” riff for forever it was hilarious

Syncing with Rich’s Squip in the More Than Survive Reprise is... really really creepy? It gives of an extremely ominous mind-control sort of vibe like Rich is just Jeremy’s Squip’s puppet

In More Than Survive, everyone was dancing around Jeremy and he looked super awkward and uncomfortable - in the Reprise they do the same dance but this time Jeremy is dancing in sync with them all too.

The electric shocks seemed like they were happening extremely frequently in Act 1? Practically every 5 seconds in some scenes like literally every time Jeremy went to make some move or say anything or pause for too long or think anything at the Squip himself at all.

During Guy I’d Kinda Be Into the Squip talks for Jeremy a LOT. Basically everything he says and does is the Squip there.

When Jeremy does his whole Squip-assisted flawless recitation of his Midsummer part when Mr. Reyes tries to call him out, Brooke is so overwhelmed by his hotness that she drops her script. It just clatters to the floor while she stares at him.

The WARNING WARNING WARNING after Guy I’d Kinda Be Into Squip-controlled walk out is super robotic. A very distinctively robotic walk.

In “Upgrade” the Brooke and Jeremy scene is super sexual??? The Squip puts Jeremy’s hand on her boob while she’s talking. Jeremy draws it back and the Squip just puts it there again. Then the Squip makes Jeremy pull Brooke up against him in a very sexual sort of position. Jeremy jerks back and the Squip just makes him do it again. They end up doing this whole thing with lying on top of your partner holding them down, and then the person on the bottom flips the positions so they’re on top now, and it continues a couple more times so they’re rolling around on the ground with the Squip in control of Jeremy’s body the whole time, and it ends with Brooke straddling Jeremy and thrusting her hips with her head thrown back before he sits up and starts making out with her with her hips still going in his lap. It’s kind of a prolonged making out, too, complete with like... roaming hands by both parties.

Christine’s line “still I’m not sure what I should do” when Jake is asking her out is very clear and is presented like a soliloquy-type narration to the audience about her own feelings rather than as dialogue to Jake, before she agrees and he kisses her.

Some guy in the audience started moaning in distress preemptively shortly before Jeremy’s “optic nerve blocking: on” line

People around me were gasping at that line so maybe there were some people who didn’t actually know it was coming. Or they might have been superfans overwhelmed with emotion. Judging by the rest of what I was hearing from the other audience members the entire time, it’s probably the latter.

For the “optic nerve blocking” scene, Michael is standing alone on the upper level, where the Squip usually is. After Jeremy chooses to turn it on, the Squip walks up from behind him and touches Jeremy directly, wrapping his arms around Jeremy's shoulders - it’s the first time that the Squip is on the ground level alongside Jeremy and the rest of the people instead of alone on the second level just watching over all of them.

The moment Act 1 ended the audience EXPLODED into noise. It seemed like everyone simultaneously turned to their seat mates to start screaming about things. My brother was like “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this sort of young teenage fangirl filled sort of environment.” Haha

At the Halloween party Rich is FULL OUT GLITCHING. His head and limbs keep jerking like a machine with a wrench in the cogs and he’s repeating “it’s Halloween” like a skipping record

The way he’s glitching here near the start of the party is very similar to the way Jeremy’s Squip starts glitching after the alcohol. It’s like the alcohol making Rich’s Squip glitch causes Rich to glitch in exactly the same way - like after 2 years his body and voice is just a manifestation of his Squip’s movements and words - like he IS the Squip and there is no Rich at all.

In Act 2, Jeremy really is just... walking and standing so much more confidently than Act 1? He looks extremely much more to be a normal, attractive guy. It’s very obvious in scenes when he’s talking to Michael, because we saw them having conversations in Act 1 where Jeremy was relatively comfortable since he was with his friend, but it’s still such a marked different in his body language and even the cadence of speech after having the Squip for a couple weeks. Again, it was very Evan Hansen vibes.

“What kind of slut do you think I am?” Chloe asks, while draping herself over the bed and pointedly spreading her knees and thighs open at Jeremy

Once the Squip makes Jeremy drink Chloe’s alcohol, the way it starts jerking around instead of being smooth for the first time is still pretty cool and collected / in control looking somehow - it looks like when a video chat is lagging and instead of smooth movement you get a series of jumpy still frames, but the person isn’t in distress or anything.

When Jeremy tells Michael to “Get out of my way. You Loser,” he literally shoves Michael aside with force and walks out, not slowing or looking back once as Michael crashes into the bathtub. Michael just...stays where he fell for the entire first part of Michael in the Bathroom

At the end when he’s in prime screaming mode he sings “it sucks you left me here alone” instead of “it’s sucks he left me here alone” - directing it at Jeremy directly

Christine talking about breaking up with Jake - she mentions the cheating but also outwardly calmly (remember she has mad gigantic feelings about most everything in reality) lists other reasons such as “we just don’t have ANYTHING in common”

When Rich is freaking out about needing Mountain Dew Red, he is glitching like crazy and he is only asking for the Red when he’s facing one direction, as if he has no brain activity when jerked into the other direction, but is repeating the request on a constant loop, it’s just that we can only hear it when he’s on the one frequency. Jeremy and Christine see him in obvious distress with his head like banging clearly without his control against the wall, which must hurt, and they just???? laugh at him?????? What the fuck, kids, why do you all keep abandoning each other in distress in this musical.

Jeremy and Christine actually have really great chemistry though I was like “wow ok I can ship this.” They make you feel it.

When Rich’s WARNING WARNING WARNING goes off he marches out of there in the same robotic way that the Squip marched Jeremy out after his own WARNING alarm after Guy I’d Kinda Be Into. This is further highlighted by the way the Squip marches Jeremy out in the exact same way a few seconds later after reviewing the footage from the evening.

During the Smartphone Hour there were three backup dancers in shiny clothing during the beginning verses with Jenna, Chloe and Brooke, like the old singers used to have.

When Jenna and Chloe sing the chorus that “Rich set a fire” the stage lights go red, orange, yellow and rippling like fire

After the fire, the Squip is full supervillian attire - Black Cloak, LED lights, the works. I couldn’t see it myself because I was too far to see anyone’s faces, but apparently also he gained digital face makeup here?

They really played up the computer effects in The Pitiful Children and The Play - in voices especially. Final Boss Jenna Rolan speaking at Michael at The Play sounded like full computer and not human.

Jeremy’s choreography during The Pitiful Children is super still. He gets shoved to the ground and he just stays frozen there looking up at all the dark squip figures dancing around him. They put him on the staircase and he just stands motionless, staring into the distance while they spin him around and the Squip cradles his head. At the end he lifts the shoebox above his head, but he’s mirroring the Squip’s actions again, like at the mall back before Do You Wanna Ride.

During the Pitiful Children also the Squip keeps putting his hand on top of Jeremy’s head with his fingers splayed like a puppet master. It’s not above Jeremy’s head, it’s resting directly on his skull.

When Jeremy is arguing with his dad before the Pants Song, Mr. Heere has JUST said he’s grounded and scolded him about taking the car (to Jake’s party) and Jeremy just. Very pointedly. Picks up the keys, jangles them in his dad’s face, and says “I’m going out,” like wow fucking slay.

Michael is shredding his Jeremy mementos instead of burning them, presumably because it’s easier for him to carry around a coffee can calling it a shredder than to pull a full Eliza Hamilton and set a fire on the stage (and burn down the house). Mr. Heere still tells him to stop sitting around burning incense though - because of the joint Michael was smoking while shredding all his stuff.

In the play when the Squip activates Jeremy’s kung fu mode to fight Michael, they stage it like a fighting video game with Jeremy enacting ridiculous combo jumpy moves while Michael basically does roll dodges and a cute fighting video game remix of one of the BMC songs plays in the background. I don’t remember which song it was now though.

The Two Player Game reprise involves Michael leap-frogging over Brooke and Chloe and jumping onto Jake’s back and just sitting there for a bit while Jake spins in circles

Michael does not get attacked by Final Boss Jenna? She’s standing on the 2nd level. After tossing the bottle to Jeremy Michael kind of just stands in the same place for the rest of The Play unmolested.

It doesn’t really seem like the Squip actually physically stops Jeremy from drinking the Red? The sound that we’ve been hearing so often this song when the Squip is controlling people isn’t present there. He just yells “you don’t want to do that Jeremy!” and Jeremy just. freezes. and asks why. Like he’s been so conditioned to listen and obey the Squip at this point that even when he’s actively trying to work against it he still knee jerk follows instructions.

The squipped people (except Jeremy) all had LED lights on their shoes during Pitiful Children and The Play. Christine has them too, but when she comes out into the middle of the zombie horde acting normal near the end of The Play, the main stage lights are on so it’s not really noticeable until the reveal that she’s Squipped too and suddenly her shoes are flashing.

The choreography for Guy I’d Kinda Be Into involved Jeremy and Christine slow dancing while everyone walked around them in a circle. They have the same choreography during the reprise, with the obvious implication that because everyone is Squipped now Jeremy can have the exact scenario he was fantasizing about earlier and this time Christine does like him instead of Cho Chang Jake

Everyone shrieks wordlessly and then collapses except for Michael whose yell is more like “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCKKKK!!!!”

After everyone collapses and Michael is standing there terrified the Squip is the only body still moving. He is dragging himself over the fallen bodies of the students as the lights go black.

In the hospital, Rich has NO movement. The full body cast doesn’t even allow him to turn his head to look at Jeremy when’s he’s speaking to him.

Michael does not pull the curtain to hide Rich from view as if that would do anything to stop him from hearing everything they’re saying. It’s not like Rich can so much as turn his head to look at them anyway.

In Voices In My Head, Christine is the one who surges forwards to kiss Jeremy, who is shocked for a second before getting with the program. They stand there and make out for an extended period of time while everyone else cheers and continues singing the song

When the Squip tries to call out to Jeremy he isn’t on the ground level where Jeremy and Christine walk past him. Instead, he stumbles his way along the upper level, where everyone except Jeremy and Christine are lined up, and they all sort of jeer at him and shove at him as he passes like one of those really uncomfortable ending scenes in teen movies where the bully walks down the hallway having everyone in the entire school shove at them and having milk or something poured on them and such in a reflection of one of the main character’s opening scenes.

There was not much dancing in this production at all, which makes sense considering this was only for 1 weekend.

I went to the talk-back too so I will write some about that after getting some sleep

I will try to add to this list if I remember anything else.

#Be More Chill #Be More Chill Revival #Be More Chill Exit82 #BMC #my stuff

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imthepunchlord · 7 years

Text

Me Rewatching ML: Jackady

NINOOOOOOO. I am really curious why they don’t reveal his last name here. I guess he just wants to go by Nino?

BABY BLUE SO NERVOUS. Adrien’s such a good supportive friend.

Sabine definitely is the quiet one between her and Tom, thus far I see him talk a lot more than her. I want to see more of Tom being a social butterfly.

One of the classes they do have at school is PE.

LB is able to make a web with her yo-yo.

Tom and Sabine are both very sad to ground Marinette. It seems Tom needs more reassurance doing it than Sabine.

Marinette was invited to be there for Nino’s show, but she isn’t there yet, he’s about to go on, and she’s only seeing him on tv atm. I’m guessing she wound up forgetting, remembered, about to rush away to support him but then the parentals stopped her.

I notice, Chloe’s eyes are a much brighter blue than the mayor’s.

The mayor evidently hates dancing. And Chloe hates soup.

If Nino wins, he gets to continue competing. It seems Adrien will be too busy or has something scheduled next week so he won’t be able to make it to the next round. This is most likely Nino trying to help match make them (finally).

No one is even upset at the tv station but HM already has eyes on it. I wonder if he’s capable of looking in on potential locations where he suspects someone could end up upset.

Alya can get where Tom is coming from, actually looks kinda sad to back that yeah, Marinette is never where she should be, suggesting to me that sometimes Marinette had to go when they were hanging out.

Alya suspects a possible double life that Marinette may have. Actually makes me think back to a concept I saw that Alya did know Marinette was LB, and was asking about LB’s powers. Maybe this right here could be a slight reference to that earlier concept. Or maybe this could be a hint to the reveal in s2, with possibly Alya learning Marinette is LB.

Adrien is eager to say hi to new people. This friendly bean.

Gorilla is protective, to a point of no chill.

A lot like Chloe, the mayor can be a little dramatic when arguing against the truth.

A happy Nino does a bow.

Gabriel is known as the King of Fashion.

Gabriel was misinformed and thought he was going to be sitting in for an interview.

If you like or think Gabe is HM, skip over the cursive, I’ll be making notes on anything that suggest or argues the idea of Gabe being HM. Cursive I’ll have as arguments.

It’s shown earlier that HM already has eyes on this place for potential negativity, and is aware of the event that’s going on. Gabriel is unaware of what this show is and didn’t know it was going on. I see no reason for Gabe to pretend he doesn’t know the show.

Nino was pumped to see Gabriel there, most likely for Adrien, aware that Adrien doesn’t see him often. Adrien is equally happy, though not as much as Nino. I feel Nino is aware that Adrien does want to spend time with his father more, so any possible chance for them to see each other is great, though Adrien himself seems aware that not much can be done at this point. Nino is such a good bro.

“Hilarious, your show is pathetic.” Savage Gabriel.

Gabriel scoffs at the idea of him ever being controlled and just leaves. Adrien isn’t surprised. I kinda want to see Gabriel at PTA meetings.

In this show, having a contestant refuse a challenge is an automatic game over. That does feel unfair. Poor Simon! At least get him a new contestant Alec you ass! This guy is such an ass. Rubs a teenager’s loss in her face, is more than fine to kick out a contestant for something that isn’t in his control. You should have plenty of other celebrities that you can contact! Even the mayor had enough time to spare to pop in!

...I don’t like Alec.

...I’m kind of curious on what would happen if Jackady threw his possessed card at someone. How would you get the akuma if it disappears into the person?

DUCKS ARE MEAN ONE BIT ME AS A KID DON’T MAKE HIM A DUCK THAT’S WORSE.

Gorilla’s ready to fight. Actually the first civilian to charge at an akuma, ready to get physical.

Alya is babysitting, and that’s why she isn’t there supporting Nino (assuming they’re dating atm, or are on the way to dating).

Despite this possibly getting Marinette into more trouble, Tikki deems LB duties are far more important. This is an issue she has come across before and has a fair idea on what to do so Marinette can sneak out. Cliche pillow under the bed. It has worked enough for Tikki to deem it a good idea.

Marinette has really grown to love zipping around on her yo-yo. She has the biggest smile on her face.

Chat is scared for his father.

HM states that it’s risky, but also gives him an idea. He looks very smug and amused about the idea of going after Gabriel. For sure he knows Gabriel, though how personally I can’t say. And he isn’t turned off at the idea of attacking Gabriel at all, if this was Gabriel, I’d think he’d be a lot more unsure about this. HM also tells his akuma good luck, suggesting he is aware that Gabriel isn’t an easy target, possibly aware that Gabriel has the peacock miraculous and may use it.

Actually it makes me think back to an idea I had of Gabriel working with HM, only the two have a very shaky partnership. Him being a partner of HM with a desire to get his wife back could offer an answer on Gabe’s strange behavior (aside from he’s HM), and HM being up to have his akuma go after Gabe could be his way of showing that he’s more dangerous than Gabriel, a display of power.

Chat sneak attack! Successful.

Gorilla just punched through a wall. Is his hand ok? Does magic protect him?

Barrel roll.

“I could use an army,” he says in a very happy tone.

Move like zombies, oh hey Justin Extra!

Adrien has a sensei. I’m going to assume it’s D’Argencourt since Adrien bases a lot of his fighting style off fencing. I want to see Adrien call D’Argencourt sensei sometime and his teacher is more than fine with rolling with it.

Nino refers to his best friend as “my boy Adrien”.

Adrien took karate, and quit.

There goes cat son, fighting off his bodyguard and handling on his own. And there goes the Gorilla. Do we ever see him again? I’m assuming ML will make sure he’s fine but... I’m concerned.

LB looks proud of her partner.

With his father in danger, Chat is serious, no puns or jokes and is quick to inform LB of what’s going on.

LB is inclined to find Adrien instead of go after the akuma (Tikki would disapprove).

Chat feels bad about lying to LB and his friend. Nino is very concerned, touched Chat is up to let Adrien appear.

Nino is always so eager to give Adrien a hug when seeing him again. I bet he’s trying to make up for the lack of hugs in the last year of Adrien’s life.

And there he goes, pushing Nino out of the way for LB. Adrien is shy being himself before LB. I can literally see him thinking “Oh no she’s cute when she’s shy” and that soft smile. My gosh. These two are going to give me a cavity.

Adrien though is quick to get to the point, his father being in danger overcomes the wonder of meeting LB as himself. If someone Adrien cares about is in danger, they’re going to be the top of Adrien’s priorities.

Nino is just kinda staring into the void during this whole Ladrien scene.

Gabriel does already know he’s in danger, if he is HM, this can provide why. Otherwise, he most likely learned about it from Nathalie or the news.

Adrien is quick for his father to flee and get to safety.

Gabriel is put off to the idea of fleeing and “being dictated”. This I find to point to the possibility of peacock!Gabriel, peacocks are known for standing their grown.

Gabriel deems Adrien’s room is safe, and that he has had enough excitement for today.

On not being HM, I find this suggests Gabriel doesn’t want to risk Adrien becoming and akuma. Gabriel looking through the book, he is likely aware that HM can make more than one akuma (as we see in Origins with Nooroo’s explanation, it’s a possibility, plus LB is getting a new power that helps her cleanse the akumatized meaning either more akumas or they become stronger and she needs a boost in cleansing power).

Gabriel says they, extending protection to Nino as well. Nathalie puts an arm around Adrien’s shoulders, SHE DOES CARE.

Adrien takes after his mother, who Gabriel declares to be very overly dramatic. He sounds kind of a little exaggerated when revealing this suggesting to me that she’s quite reactive and dramatic a lot.

Gabriel has full confidence in LB’s protection, by the smile on his face, the firmness in his voice, and setting a hand on her shoulder, it almost seems encouraging, to me anyway.

It seems to me that he admires LB, or at least sees her potential as a hero. If he’s a miraculous veteran or his wife was a miraculous veteran, this could be why and he is compelled to encourage her. If he was HM, with how Gabriel isn’t afraid to speak his thoughts and how much HM hates LB to the point of dramatics, I don’t know if Gabe could contain himself, at least not this much with a big smile and sureness. Maybe it’s me, but it seems contradicting.

Nino wonders if Gabriel’s a robot, Adrien reveals that he isn’t sure. Since last year, for sure Gabriel has really cut away from Adrien.

Adrien’s room is for sure on the 2nd floor, possibly close to the stairwell.

This is Nino’s first time being in Adrien’s room.

Gabriel has a huge picture frame of Adrien’s pictures in his... office? He deems his son to be perfect, even after his annoyance with Adrien being “dramatic”.

For sure, Gabriel likes having a lot of portraits of the people he loves, which for sure is a point to him being HM, having a portrait of Mama in the brooch. I think him having all these pictures of Adrien is his way of coping with grief and being close to Adrien. He can see his son while he’s working and not needing to step away and actually see his son (he should though). For sure he does love his son, I do believe that. He’s pretty emotionally distant with Adrien through grief.

Will we ever see Adrien play basket ball? I see him posing with a ball, and he has a basket ball court in his room.

Gabriel has the softest smile I’ve ever seen on him when talking about Adrien.

...Ok you can skip this whole paragraph cause I’m going to ramble, but Gabriel’s color scheme really intrigues me. So Chinese color symbolism seems to factor into ML, red a color of good luck and happiness, black represents protection, power, trust; purple spiritual awakening and physical/mental healing, pink is love, blue healing, conserving and trust, and white represents mourning. His color scheme is pinkish-white, white, grey, and red. If Chinese color symbolism does factor into the show, his color scheme means he’s mourning the loss of a loved one, grey meaning indefinite, and red suggesting that he’ll have happiness in his future, or he believes that happier times are coming.

Gabriel bringing up the earrings and reaching for them is a point to HM. For sure LB is uncomfortable having Gabriel reach for her earrings.

But he just looks on with a soft frown afterwards. He doesn’t appear passionate about taking the earrings. If anything, body language wise, he seems kind of reluctant and hesitant.

Adrien knows about the security system. Gabriel wonders how Chat knows about it. For a split second, I can see Gabriel think “bullshit” to Chat’s fib but let’s go. Gabriel is confident in his security system, declaring his home to be a fortress.

Aw poor Gorilla, Jackady uses him to stand above his army.

Gabriel is genuinely surprised and concerned.

Gabriel trusts Nathalie to go with LB to check on his son.

Gabriel refuses to listen to Chat. He has some real issues about being told what to do, he really is someone that likes to be in control and have things done his way.

To me, this makes me think that him being HM would be very frustrating to him cause HM never has any control with his akumas, and majority of the time they just do what they wanted. I actually see him just eventually snapping and reactivating the peacock to do it himself if he’s HM.

A tense Adrien will snap back and lay down orders. Both Gabe and Chat are surprised. ANOTHER SOFT SMILE FROM GABRIEL. This is so nostalgic for him, fondly noting the temper. This suggest that Mama also had quite a fuse too and would snap at him when tense.

Chat looks sad.

Gabriel turns and stares fondly at Mama’s painting. He loves her so much. This is probably his favorite painting of her.

HM withdraws from this plan, stating that this is a bad idea to attack Gabriel’s home, and starts pushing for the deal, getting the miraculouses. A point towards Gabriel being HM.

If not and HM and Gabriel have a partnership, HM is now wary that his pushing his limits on said partnership and doesn’t want to break it.

HM is able to sense LB and Chat close by, he can sense their presence through his akumas.

Adrien’s background is his mother.

LB is surprised to hear that Adrien’s taking a shower now.

Nino kinda smirks here, probably well aware of Adrien’s crush on LB and is amused by the possibilities here.

LADRIEN SHOWER SCENE.

SHE FUMBLES. SO FLUSTERED.

“If you must.” Lmao.

Gabriel narrows his eyes to hear that LB is with his son.

Adrien seems to have really accepted Mama’s loss, he is clearly sad that she’s gone, but over all I think he has moved on and seeks to live on with his life, move forward.

It looks like Adrien’s room is right next to the stairwell in the foyer. And I also see another set of stairs across from Adrien’s room that likely go up to a third floor.

Plagg truly does enjoy romance, Animan he was amused by Adrien and Nino fumbling around with Marinette, and here teases Adrien about the romantic moment he had with LB. Adrien isn’t bothered at all by Plagg’s teasing, if anything he’s delighted. Also Adrien isn’t bothered at all at the idea of LB liking Adrien, showing that he doesn’t see himself or Chat as two seperate people and that LB should like Chat instead. He’s just happy that LB seems to like him.

Plagg is done with all of these transformations.

Gabriel has pink buttons on hi sleeve.

Gabriel is utterly furious. He looks ready to fight.

Jackady’s minions can still talk.

Gabriel’s office is in the foyer, close to the front door.

Either Jackady really wanted to drive Gabriel up the wall, with Adrien’s pictures are all scattered across the floor. Or Gabriel actually fought them off, showing that he does know how to fight and probably held off a good many of the minions on his own before he was overwhelmed. Either Peacock, Butterfly, or/and husband to a previous miraculous user, Gabriel is tough (if he did fight Jackady’s minions off).

Ok, Gorilla is perfectly fine. He’s alive. He’s ok. Still mind controlled, but he’s ok. And they have only Gorilla restraining Gabriel. With Gorilla strong enough to punch through walls, this suggest that yes, Gabriel fought off a lot of the minions and Jackady needed the strongest to restrain Gabriel.

Gabriel doesn’t look scared, I’m seeing hints of shade.

“You’re now a butterfly.” I wonder if we’re being teased or if this is actual foreshadowing.

There he goes, frolicking. Frolic away Gabriel!

Chat is horrified to see Gabriel’s hypnotized.

LB’s yo-yo actually broke. It is possible to break a miraculous weapon/tool.

This is probably one of the best Chat has been as a hero, taking this situation seriously and not goofing around. I find that’s why there is an imbalance in LB and Chat, it’s because Adrien isn’t taking heroing as seriously as LB and does goof around a bit. It’s something he needs to learn, and maybe two newbees may push him to step up. But for sure, Jackady, Animan, and Darkblade do cover how capable Chat can be as a hero, especially when he isn’t being silly.

Adrien sings “NAHNAHANHANAH” (or something like that) to drown out Jackady. I wonder if Adrien did that as a kid when he and his parents were having a disagreement, he didn’t want to hear them telling him what to do and just wanted to sing over them.

I find it kinda cute that airplane!Gabriel echoes the sound of an engine as he goes.

Adrien’s first instinct is to go after his father, not help LB. He does accept her logic and stays.

LB can’t use the Lucky Charm yo-yo to cleanse the akuma, and this is one of the two cases so far where she has to use ML before cleansing the akuma (the other being Pixelator).

LB adores her yo-yo.

Gabriel doesn’t seem too impressed with Chat, mostly likely because most of the time, Chat does goof off. Chat is aware of it and the fact that Gabriel seems to prefer LB. He isn’t bothered. Probably thinking “yes, dad approves” XD

For a split second, Gabriel has his eyes narrowed and is staring off into space, suggesting that he’s not really listening to Chat and is thinking.

If partners with HM this could be him rethinking the events of this episode and HM possibly pushed too far. Or he could just be thinking of his close fatal encounter.

Gabriel does look at the ring, Chat notices and withdraws from him with a guarded look.

Gabriel looks away with narrowed eyes again, a slight frown on his face. This could be him being frustrated that he failed to get both miraculouses.

Though he is left alone with LB right now, her guard is down and watching Chat go, Chat, who is about to detransform. Gabriel doesn’t make a move here though, which seemed like a perfect chance if he was HM, and LB is his biggest threat.

Another shot with the Eiffel Tower close to the Agreste manor, the other being in Antibug. HM’s lair is far from the Eiffel Tower, we see it every episode. It’s very likely that Gabe and HM were in two very different locations and it does strongly suggest to me they are two different people, unless the butterfly miraculous can teleport but I feel that’s something he would exploit a long time ago, join the fight, teleport away when it’s too dangerous.

Mama was very physically affectionate. A lot of the shots have her embracing Adrien. Through Mama, Adrien is pretty comfortable with physical touch and affection, especially from people he’s comfortable with. Through Gabriel, Adrien isn’t too comfortable with certain touches (like Chloe and Lila grabbing him and invading his space for example), and Adrien and shoulder touch, that habit may come from Gabriel since we do see he is more than fine touching people’s shoulders, especially if he (evidently) likes them.

Gabriel doesn’t knock, he just enters.

Adrien stands to Gabriel’s chest, just below his collar bone. Barely touching it. With the expression he has coming into the room and how he comes into the room, Gabriel really isn’t a character that shows what he’s feeling, acts like nothing is wrong, he has control, and moves with a purpose.

This is probably the biggest issue I have on Gabe being HM, they’re so opposite. Where Gabriel is still, poised, and quiet; HM is expressive, dramatic, and loud. And we do see Gabriel doesn’t care if he upsets someone or they aren’t impressed with him, so it’s really odd for me for him to be HM behavior wise. With who he is, I can’t see him hiding away a more dramatic side in a dark room full of butterflies. He’d let it show, express himself, he has no trouble doing that. So if he is HM, it’s really strange to me that he would save the more expressive and dramatic side when he’s alone. It’s not impossible but... it’s odd to me.

Huuuuuuugs, with Gabriel having to bend down to hug his son. I feel this is the first hug ever between Gabriel and Adrien in a year, especially by Adrien’s reaction.

Gabriel is pretty unnerved to see his son with the ring. Adrien is bothered and defensive. Plagg is very concerned for Adrien, doesn’t know what to say. Though by how he looks at the ring first, I wonder if he fears that Gabriel may suspect Adrien is Chat.

If Gbae was HM, this would’ve been another good chance to take the ring, especially if he thinks that is the miraculous. If not now, he can take while Adrien’s sleeping, reassure himself it would be worth it in the end. Plus, no Chat, it would leave LB alone. While she is capable on her own, she would struggle without Chat, with him usually taking the heat of battle and giving her time to plan. And I don’t recall her getting out of a trap by herself, relying on Chat to get her out.

But he doesn’t, he’s just unsettled, goes stiff, and leaves the matter alone (for now). To the point of Volpina, Adrien doesn’t feel guarded about Gabriel possibly suspecting he’s Chat. At least it doesn’t seem he is, I’ll have to see when I get there.

Marinette is able to get on top of everything in a week and is relieved of being grounded. She’s inclined to spend time with her family instead of physically going up there. I wonder if she’s even aware that Adrien was able to make it.

Nino chooses LB and Chat to be his challenge, he is comfortable enough with them to pick them. Even refers to them as “buds” .

Marinette’s like oh shit.

I think this is the most I’ve seen Sabine talk.

Tom and Sabine seem unaware that Marinette is LB.

Personal thoughts on the Gabriel/HM matter, for some people this ep confirmed it; me I’m a bit baffled. There are details that don’t click or add up. Of the cast we have so far, I can agree that Gabriel is the most likely candidate for HM, and if he is HM, I hope they are able to do the story with him well. But so far, I’m inclined to believe they’re two separate characters. I’m actually really leaning to the idea that Gabriel is working with HM but isn’t 100% on board and he and HM don’t entirely get along.

But we’ll see s2, nothing is set in stone yet. HM may be Gabriel, he may not. For sure, either way, I hope the story is done well.

#miraculous ladybug #Punch Rewatches ML #Jackady #Simon Says #Hawkmoth #Gabriel #speculation

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cashfowler · 7 years

Note

♂ - … My muse’s father  ⚥ - … My muse’s sibling hehehehehe

{tw: mentions of death, terminal illness, death, swearing, domestic malice/verbal accosts}

♂ - … My muse’s father

The small fingertips curled around his began to tremble, and Doug wanted nothing more than to hold them tighter, to siphon that fear away. But that wasn’t within his power, really – the only solution to quelling his youngest son’s fears would be to liquidate them, and that… That simply couldn’t be done. The doctors had exhausted their resources trying to salvage what remained, but going through dialysis again wasn’t an option. His veins had grown far too weak, and as a father, the last thing he wished was for his children and wife to watch him weakly waste away. Of course, this alternative wasn’t much better. But at least, this way, approaching his end within the comfort of their home, his family could find solace in knowing that he would pass accompanied by those he loved. Doug reached out with his free hand, lightly ruffling the hair atop his youngest’s head. He lips formed a warm, albeit tired, smile.

“You’re alright, kiddo,” he murmured, giving Caspian’s hand a tender squeeze. “You’re alright, don’t be sad.” It was a tall order and Doug knew that – the news had just been broken to his three children yesterday. Two weeks. One month, tops. Doug had always hoped he’d return home under lighter circumstances, but being able to see his children again outside hospital walls? It outweighed the heaviness in his heart knowing that these days may very well be his last.

“Dad.” It was a plea, Doug could tell. Dad, don’t leave. The five-year-old boy’s eyes were wide, brimmed with tears, and it took all his might not to succumb to the guilt of this. The guilt of letting go. His lips became puddy; he simply couldn’t answer. Dad, don’t die. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t make promises his body couldn’t keep.

“Yeah, kiddo?” He expected something shattering to follow. A you can’t leave me, or don’t go. Instead, Caspian moved forward and wrapped his small arms around him, buried his face against the crook of his father’s neck.

“Love you loads.”

Doug held his son tightly, as tightly as his weakened arms would allow, and pressed a lingering kiss to the crown of his head.

“Love you, too, kiddo. Fiercely. Forever.”

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

The day Caspian stopped answering to his given name was close to Doug’s last. He’d managed to stagger outside onto the front porch just before sunset, to admire one last time the streaks of magenta that flashed across the sky. His son had joined him just moments later, tiny feet pitter-pattering from behind until small arms latched around his right leg.

“You weren’t in your room,” the young boy whispered. He pressed his face against his father’s knee, squeezing his eyes shut. “I got scared.” Doug steadied himself against the railing, reaching with his other hand to card his fingers through his son’s fiery red hair.

“I just wanted to see the sky,” Doug comforted softly, turning his gaze again to the horizon.

“That’s… that’s what they do in the movies, Dad,” Caspian whispered, lifting his head. “Before they die.” And the observation was so innocent, so breathtakingly matter-of-fact, that Doug felt his eyes begin to water and his knees weaken. He slowly lowered himself onto the steps, gingerly sitting beside Caspian. Oh, how his bones ached – but this? This ached more.

“You’re such a smart boy, my Caspian,” he whispered, draping an arm around his son’s shoulders. “You know that? You make me so, so proud.” Doug took one of Caspian’s hands, intent to just hold it for while, but couldn’t look past the flash of silver painted on his son’s pinky. “What’s this? Noelle using you as her tester again?”

“Yeah,” Caspian nodded, smiling. “Noelle said… She said if I try really hard and do all my homework, she’ll even do all my fingers, too!” Doug let out a light chuckle, ignoring the way it pushed uncomfortably on his ribs.

“That’s great, son. Just make sure she does a good job. Only the best nails for my best boy, right?”

There was so much more he wanted to say. How Caspian was so beautiful, so wonderful, the best son he could have ever hoped for. His eldest son, Clint, hadn’t exactly grown up to be an admirable teen, but Doug had no worries about his Caspian. He’d go far in life; he truly would, so long as he didn’t let anyone get in his way. Father and son sat in silence for several moments, comfortable just to share the same oxygen, the same flavor of existence.

“…Hey, Dad?”

“Hm?” Doug looked down at Caspian, pulling him close. “What’s up, little guy?”

“I think… I think I wanna go by Cash. Everyone at school says it’s cool and I wanna be cool, like all of them. Like Bobby and Timmy… and… and Gabe. They all have nicknames, so I want one, too.” Caspian had been a family name, passed down from Janet’s father to their son. But it wasn’t his family heirloom and, quite honestly, Doug didn’t have the heart to leave the world knowing he hadn’t been able to make his son happy.

“Well, Cash,” he grinned, “I think you’re just as cool as all of them. Maybe even cooler.”

“Yeah?” Cash asked, eyes twinkling hopefully as he looked up at his father.

“Absolutely. My Cash,” he murmured, turning now to pull his son into a proper hug. Oh, he couldn’t be prouder.

⚥ - … My muse’s sibling

Something about his baby brother made Clint’s skin crawl. Their grandmother adored him, while she was still around, all because of his red hair and stupid grin. Just like my Doug, she’d whisper fondly, and peck the bugger’s forehead. Ugh. Clint didn’t have time for this bullshit – he’d much rather be at the skate park smoking up with his crew than sitting here at this pointless shitty reception. Who the hell celebrated lives, anyway? Everyone on this planet was inflicted with nothing but a finite, bleak existence. Inviting people back to their house to ‘celebrate his father’s life’ just seemed morbid on so many levels. Still, his grandmother brought over her token lemon bars, so Clint really couldn’t complain.

His fall from power started with Noelle. He was meant to love his little sister, cherish her, but Jesus freakin’ Christ. How much attention could one kid get?! First came the slew of photographs, the constant use of the camcorder to document her ever single move. Noelle giggled? Gotta catch that on film! She so much as farted? Well, golly fuckin’ gee, guess that was camera-worthy, too! And so Clint faded to the background, the forgotten kid. He’d run inside with a frog he’d just caught, or an insect he’d just pulled the eyes off of, but he was met with angry reprimands and a promptly ordered exit. No longer was Clint Fowler loved, so it was only fair – Clint Fowler stopped loving them.

And then when Caspian came along… It was like Noelle’s childhood but on fuckin’ steroids. How obsessed could a family get with a kid? And the red hair… The red hair just threw it all over the edge. Caspian was the prize-winner, the golden child, the kid his parents had been hoping for all along. Served their dad right when he got leukemia. After all those years ignoring him, Clint was surprised the guy upstairs didn’t come up with something worse.

Not that he believed in a Heaven anyway. And even if he did, he wouldn’t want Doug to end up there anyway. He deserved to rot in the pits of hell for all the shit he’d put Clint through – and Clint made sure he knew that, before he went.

He’d caught his dad alone on his deathbed, a couple hours before it went down. He cast his father a farced smile as he entered, nudging the door shut behind him. What he didn’t know at the time was that Caspian was curled up on the floor beside his father’s bed, still asleep from his afternoon nap.

“Hey, Doug,” Clint greeted, sure to emphasize his refusal to refer to his father as such. Oh, the first-name trick. Always made Doug squirm. That’s why Clint loved it. “So, I heard your time’s comin’ up? What’re you betting? A day? Two?” Clint eased himself into the chair beside his father, smile only growing at the look of pain on his features. He knew he should be sparing with the cynicism – his father was on his dying bed, after all. But somehow… This was just fuckin’ hilarious. Oh, how the tables had turned. And while Doug wasn’t being ignored right now, but after he was gone, Clint would see to it that it would be as though his father never even lived here.

“Clint,” Doug mumbled. “I’m really not in the mood for this right now.”

“When will ya be, then?” he scoffed. “When ya bite the dust?”

Caspian stirred in his place on the other side of the room, but remained unnoticed by Clint.

“Look, you haven’t listened to me before. Ever. Noelle and Caspian took over your life, so let me make this clear to you. Crystal.” Clint narrowed his eyes, leaning in closer. He delivered every word in a saccharine tone. “You… have been the worst father to me. And y’know? I loved you and all, but jeez, Doug. Enough’s enough. Now’s the time. I won’t mind you if you just… poof.” He opened his hands up in mid-air, imitating a disappearing act. “Okay?”

“Clint –”

“Interrupting? Nice. Classy. Good to know there’s still some of that Doug goodness in there,” Clint jested, reaching forward to playfully punch his father’s shoulder. By the way Doug winced, it was safe to say he’d used a bit too much force for the motion to qualify as gentle. Ah, well. He’d done stupider things.

“Clint, you’re my son and I love you just as much –”

“Nope! Nope, no, you don’t! So don’t try to let bygones be bygones. I’m real excited for you, Doug. So excited. Because wherever you end up next, I want you to really sit with this. What you did. It’s kinda shitty, y’know? Tossing me aside for the prettier kids. I could’ve been great, too, but it was your genes that fucked that up, not mine.”

Doug spared a glance to the other side of the room, where Cash had now awoken. He moved to sit up straighter, letting out a pained sigh as he began to fold the sheets back. “Clint… Let’s… take this outside. Sound like a plan?”

Clint let out a laugh. Cackled. The sound made Doug close his eyes, grit his teeth. Cash, hidden on the far side of the room, did the same.

“Nah, I’m done. I just… y’know. Wanted to kindly wish you the worst.” Clint stood up to leave, hand hovering over the doorknob before he pivoted on his heels. “Actually. One more thing.”

Doug didn’t reply. He simply closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

“I hate you. All of you. And him. And I just want you to know that Caspian…”

“Cash,” Doug corrected tiredly.

“Whatever. He’s got hell to pay.” Clint exited the room with a huff, slamming the door shut behind him. Cash flinched, sniffling as he tried to continue a fake slumber.

“Cash… Cash, it’s okay,” his father called softly, pulling back the corner of the covers closest to his son. “C’mere, kiddo.” Cash complied, curling up under the sheets next to his father. As he burrowed into his father’s chest, Doug saw no reason to hide it any longer.

Tears slid down his cheeks in hot, wet streaks. He knew Clint would keep his word.

#* // he answers.#here goes nothing lol #hope this is good idk

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gabe-wallace · 7 years

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Dust & Rattling Bones || Self Para

SCCU Fall Festival Task (Baking Contest & Cornhole Tournament) (if you squint... fuck u I’m counting it anyway) Words: 1,659 Summary: Gabe goes to visit his mother for the first time in awhile.

Gabe's careful steps were accompanied by the faintest crunching of brown grass as he picked his way carefully through headstones. He took large, hesitant steps over people's graves and looked around him warily as he made his way towards an unassuming, pinkish stone. He had never found cemeteries scary or creepy, but there were other ghosts that lingered here.

He'd already taken his accustomed pause in the car, where he closed his eyes and let a fantasy play behind his closed eyes. He might cross the graveyard gate, take the bend in the road and notice a young woman standing in front of his parent's stone. She would be facing away from him, but her hair would be just as brown and wild as his own, and the unguarded stoop of her shoulder would speak to the same ragged edge of sadness he felt here in this lonely place. His heart would begin to pound, and he would pause, find the courage to call "Bekah?" and when he did she would turn, see him. Maybe she'd call "Gabe?" back, maybe she'd just recognize him after all these years. Someone would scream with joy, Gabe would feel tears on his cheeks. They'd run towards each other, heedless of the stones and years between them, and he'd wrap his long lost finally found sister in his arms, and then, and then, and then...

It hadn't happened. It was heartbreaking in the way most of his past was, an aching, bleeding wound square in his chest. But he poked at this particular wound enough that small jabs at it didn't hurt anymore. If he ignored it (or convinced himself that he was able to ignore it) it wasn't too hard to keep going about his life.

He took his second accustomed pause. The stone was made for two people- couples or siblings or parents and their child. Gabe always made sure to approach it from the back, to give himself time to examine how he might feel if he came around the side of it and found not one but two set of dates staring at him. Let down. Disappointed. He decided after a moment. It would be discouraging to have never found his father alive, and to never be able to tell him that he was a giant asshole to his face.

As they'd been every time he'd visited so far, he fears were completely unfounded. It was only the one date that he would never, could never, forget. January 7th, 2005. He settled into the grass straight in the middle of the double stone, bunching his backpack under his head as a makeshift pillow and shoving his knock off aviators higher up on his nose. He had lived in Southern California his entire life, but he still loathed the heat- he was sure he could live here his entire life and never grow used to it.

He laid his hands gently on his chest, staring up at the cloudless blue sky and letting the relentless sun beat down on him. He hadn't been out here since this summer, when most of his roommates had headed home for weeks if not months at a time, and there had been no one to question where he was going. He'd have a farmer's tan by the time all was said and done, and everyone would assume he'd been out at the Carnival, or doing yard work for people with more money than motivation, and that was how he wanted things. He didn't talk about his past for a reason, and he certainly didn't talk about this.

It felt a little bit like regressing, honestly. He wondered if it was healthy, to curl up on his mother's grave, to run his fingers over the date and name on her stone in lieu of a face to touch or hand to hold, or tell her about his life as if she could listen and understand. That was a question for some far off future where he had enough money for a therapist. And the therapist could wait until he hired a private investigator to find the missing members of his family, bought a more reliable car and a better computer to code on, and treated all of his friends and foster family who had helped him along the way to a big fancy party. Until then.

"Hey Mom." Gabe murmured to the sky, eyes closed and he pictured Gloria Wallace as he had last seen her- brown curls a messy halo around her head, smiling from the driver's seat of the family's Volkswagen, blowing a kiss at her children as Gabe walked Bekah up the stairs of their school. (Gabe didn’t count her funeral, of course.) It was easy to picture her now, or how she might have been. A tiny woman, smaller than him now, leaning over their worn kitchen counter with paint smeared on her cheek and clay under her nails, exhausted from dealing with teenagers all day, peering at Gabe over the rim of a tea mug filled with orange juice- How’s college baby? Still liking your roommates? And your classmates? Not partying too hard now that’s you’re twenty one and making your mother feel older by the minute? I don’t have to ask about your grades, you’ve always been so smart- don’t know where you got that from.

Another prod to the gaping hole in his chest, this one a little harder than the last. He was fine, he was fine. Another two years, then maybe he’d have time to break down over all of these small hurts.

“Hi Mom.” He said again, his voice slightly rougher. "I miss you, same as usual, you’re probably getting tired of hearing it every time. Tough, because I still do. It's Fall Festival time again, and I thought I'd pay you a visit. I remember how much you used to love it. I remember every year you'd sign up to enter the baking contest, and every year you got to run and you lost you'd complain about the wasted money, and dad would say it wasn't wasted if you enjoyed yourself, and you would say you'd enjoy it more if you had won. I heavily identify because I too hate wasting money, no matter how much enjoyment I might get out of wasting it. That’s why I hate strip clubs... You know, I know you know I’m kidding and would have laughed if you were here, and that still felt way too awkward. Anyway."

Gabe shook his head as much as he could with the book bag shoved under his head, grinning. "Bekah and I liked it when you entered the baking contest. We got to eat all your practice batches and accidents. We were accidents too, so we identified. Ba dum tssk. (Jesus Mom, this hiding my trauma through humor thing gets exhausting.) But I still miss those maple-apple-pumpkin cupcakes with that cinnamon cream cheese frosting- the ones you made the Fall Festival before- all of that. Bekah and I tried to make them for dad after. We thought maybe they'd cheer dad up. Bekah had this idea in her head that if we could just make him laugh he'd suddenly get better, and I was just desperate for him to not drink so much that night that I was willing to try.

We made just the biggest mess of the kitchen, and we didn't make the right of course. The frosting was basically just pure cream cheese with powdered sugar and about half a jar of cinnamon added. The batter was running and wouldn't sit up, and I had dumped so much vanilla extract into it was was nigh on inedible, but we still got so excited when dad came home, we ran to show him... I think I had this naive idea that it would be like the movies, where the parent is still sad, but seeing the kids had tried to cheer them up made an impression on them, and they at least tried to fake it better for them... Of course that's not what happened, but you know." Matthew Wallace had barely blinked at the food, had instead sighed, told them to clean up the mess and clean the dishes, and stumbled to his recliner with a bottle of Jack Daniel's already in his fist. Bekah had thrown the cupcake pan on the floor sobbing and ran to her room, and Gabe had spent the next two hours quietly cleaning the kitchen and biting his lip so his own cries weren't audible.

Rubbing his eyes under his sunglasses, Gabe sighed, letting his arms flop back to the ground and shaking his head again. "Whatever Mom. I know you have some things to say him, when it comes time. Kick him in the balls once or twice for me if you see him before I do. I didn't mean to go on a tangent. I just wanted to say that I saw the ads for the baking contest and it made me think of you."

"Did I tell you that this year they're importing corn for a corn maze? It's wild Mom, and there's some game called 'Cornholes' or something that's a big Midwestern thing. It just sounds dirty to me, but while someday I'm sure the Fall Festival will be dying for Gabe Wallace to show up as some kind of celebrity judge or wealthy alumni, in the here and now they don't give a shiiii-uck. Shuck. They just don’t give a shuck. That sounds even worse. Sorry Mom. Anyway. I thought about signing up for the tournament, it's this big competitive thing and some of the people on my Quidditch team wanted to do it, but in the immortal words of an exploited person of color 'ain't nobody got time for that'. Oh- You know mom, I wish more than anything you were still around so I could show you memes, because I know for a fact you would find them hilarious."

#sccuevent; fallfest #Gabe Self Para #I wrote this emo thing and tried to make it less emo at the very end and it didn't work aT ALL

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ourvioletdeath · 7 years

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Llamagirl.

I know it’s selfish of me, but I hope you get to see this. I hope that one day, while you’re scrolling through tumblr, you’ll see this post.

I’ve been told I’m delusional, and that I think too big for my dreams to come to reality. But that’s just who I am. When I first held you on the bus, I wasn’t in a good place. You didn’t know it at the time, but you being there, you just... existing with me during those moments on the bus, they made everything so much better. I still dreamt big though.

I would think of these fantastical delusions where the whole world was our playground, where nothing could ever hurt you or me again, and we could just be together, forever. Other times, I would just wish that I could stop time, so that I could hold you in my arms forever and not have to dread the return home.

Home. That’s a word filled with both joy and bitterness. At home, no matter where I’ve been, I’ve been hurt, and I have hurt others. I know I deserve what’s coming to me, because my mind doesn’t stop. Hurting people in your mind is fine, but when it becomes so graphic, and you take joy out of delivering brutal pain upon those you hate and despise, it makes you wonder if you are even a good enough human being to stay alive. I can’t say it here, because if I were caught with evidence like this, I could possibly be sent to a mental hospital for the violent urges and obsessive fantasies. Don’t worry, I’ve researched this, I’m not going to stupidly incriminate myself. I’ll tell you the thoughts and fantasies if you want me to, just give me time, enough time so that I won’t regret it immediately after I said it.

Your eyes are beautiful, you know? They have a sort of radiance to them. To me, it’s a pathway, one that takes me away from all the stress and pain, and allows me to enter a temporary Haven ( or is it Heaven?), for just a little while, at least. Sometimes I ask you if i can just look at you, you might have noticed cuz you seem to find it a tad odd jajaja. I do it for a reason. I want to look at you, to fall in your eyes and never come out. If I were there with you, I would take off your glasses, and tell you how beautiful you are both with and without them, and I would stare into your eyes for hours. That is, if you would let me, of course. They’re magical honestly; your eyes encaptured me in delightful rapture right before I first kissed you.

A funny thing you should know about me, most people tend to think that I look at them directly in the eyes, but I actually get way too shy for that. To remedy this, I typically look right below their eyes, between the cheekbone and the actual eye; at about the Palpebromalar groove, if you want me to be even more specific. I know how you love detail. It’s a pretty good way to avoid actual eye contact honestly, it makes it less awkward because I feel less inclined to look away. But see, that changed with you. I always wanted to look at you in the eye, and I always did my best to, but I was too scared that I would look away. But then, at Paseo, when you told me you were going to leave, I made a choice. I was going to kiss you, and I was going to look into your eyes. And it was so, so beautiful. I don’t think you noticed, but I felt my face becoming flushed just by looking at you. That never happened with anyone else, not like this. My face never gets flushed, but you managed to stir something in me that made me want to look into your eyes forever.

And then came your lips. It was hilarious how we initially failed in the kiss, so I kissed your cheeks. They were so soft, I wanted to keep kissing them nonstop. But I saw that you were really shy about this, but also really looking forward to it. I didn’t want to make you wait any longer, and honestly, I don’t think I could have waited any longer myself; I’ve been wanting to kiss you for an infinitely long time. The first kiss, I held it for a while, I wanted to see what you would do, because I didn’t want to stop. It was too good, too addicting, too amazing to just stop like that. After that first kiss, I just wanted more, and It made me so happy that you wanted it too. You looked so happy, so excited, so full of life. It’s like something lit up inside you, like all that tiredness and pain that you’ve been going through had just disappeared, for just a little while. And it disappeared for me too, honestly. I was extremely suicidal back then, but on that day, at Paseo, I didn’t think of hurting myself, I didn’t even think of hurting others; the only thing on my mind was, “God I hope my breath doesn’t smell bad.”

It was at that point that I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to make you smile. Yes, I felt a bit of fear because I didn’t feel capable of doing so, but I would be damned if I didn’t fucking try. And I hope I’ve done well up until now.

Well, if I’m being honest, I know I haven’t done well. I’ve hurt you, I’ve broken your trust and I proved that I’m completely irresponsible. That’s why I’ve been working my ass off to be a better man. Yes, man. I want to be that man for you, not just a boy or kid or guy, I want to be a man. The one who you can trust, who you can love without feeling like I’m going to just let you down again like I have so many times in the past. By the time I arrive in Ecuador, I will be at least a 20% cooler Gabe, I assure you, with a 45% increase in responsibility and 5% less jealousy (I’m working on the jealousy, that gonna take some time, but don’t worry, I’m aiming to reduce it by 20% next year to make up for it).

Let’s go back to the word “Home” for a bit, shall we? I have some things I need to get off my chest, and I feel like you deserve to know. Let’s start with Chile. I never really recognized Chile as my home, considering the fact that I lived in it for only my first two years of infancy with a total of 20 month’s worth of visiting over 19 years. I still identify as Chilean, and it really bothers me that you joke about me being more gringo than Chilean, but I know that you only tease, so it really is fine, you know? Speaking of gringo, lets get into the US. I’ve lived in the US for a total of 12 years with about four months total of visiting throughout my four years in Ecuador, give or take a month or two. You, like so many others, joked that I was extremely gringo, but honestly, I don’t think I am. I can’t really identify myself with the US. Yes, it’s been my home for a disgustingly long amount of time, but that doesn’t mean that it actually was my home. I felt homey at the beginning because I didn’t really know any other place, and because my family was there. But then Simon left. He graduated from the University of Maryland, he did spectacular apparently. I actually tried to ignore the fact that he was leaving though, as if I just refused to accept that he would no longer be a part of my life. And for a while, it was okay. What really hit me was my sister’s departure. She had just graduated from Churchill High School, and she got accepted into La Universidad Catolica de Chile, which was fucking amazing! But again, I chose to ignore it. In fact, according to her, she didn’t even want to go! She wanted to study in the US, in Maryland. But my parents had some massive turmoil at that point, so they pretty much forced her to go to Chile, but I didn’t know this until much later. To be honest, I don’t think that I will ever feel as abandoned as I did then. My sister, who would protect me from my father’s temper, who would clean up my tears, who would promised to be there for me always, just disappeared. We didn’t really talk for about two years after that. Yes, I would visit Chile, and I would tell her EVERYTHING in my life, but it was still super awkward between us. It’s funny though, whenever my mom and I flew back to the US after visiting Chile, I would just be bawling my eyes out, begging to see my sister again and I would apparently wonder why she left in the first place. I was heartbroken that my sister cared so little about me, or so I thought. I think that’s the reason why I want you to spend so much time with your sister, because even though she’s super angsty and acting like a total teen by ignoring you, it’s going to hurt when you leave for university, for the both of you. What made the pain worse for me was the fact that I was left alone, between two warring parties: Dad and Mom. The short tempered man who I was terrified of, or the sweethearted woman who knows exactly what strings to pull to make it seem like she was the victim. My mom definitely isn’t perfect, I hope you know that. She has a very dark side that she shows much less of now, but then again, don’t we all? I became a very good liar because of my parents, you know? I’ve only cried two times because of the divorce when I was younger: when my father broke down because he knew that I wasn’t going to live with him, and when he said that he would leave me if I wanted him to. Those were very extreme situations, so they don’t count. I would look like a total asshole if I didn’t cry at those times. Then again, I am a total asshole, so it would have actually matched the personality, but oh well, I wasn’t strong enough to hold back those tears. But I did hold them back for the rest of middle school. When you make someone choose between two things, you have to make sure that the person is ready for such a big responsibility. We take choice for granted, because it gives us so so much power, but for an 11 year old boy, choosing between your parents is absolutely soulcrushing. I did it anyways though, I didn’t have much of a choice in the first place. I’m pretty sure I would have killed myself if they stayed together and fought so often like they did before, especially now that I had no one to help me ignore the fights, to ignore the fear, the pain, and the uncertainty. But now it all came to me. Once I chose my mom over my dad, my first depressive thought came in; I thought, “Am I even worth it?” “Am I even worth all this pain and suffering? All this fighting? I’m just a chubby kid who’s the son of two extremely powerful, very intelligent people, why the hell are they fighting over me?” “Why do they even love me?” A few months later, after constant fights with my mom, I finally began thinking, “Do they even love me in the first place? Or am I just a tool for them to use to hurt each other?” That kinda made the resentment worse, if I’m being honest. It didn’t really help much. The fights between me an my mom got worse. We would fight every night, whenever she came home from work. Eventually, I reached a point to where I didn’t even remember what it felt to have just ONE FUCKING DAY where we didn’t fight. Of course it was all my fault though, I was always the one who instigated the fighting, because I was so angry and resentful that I had to force myself to be happy for them. But them my mom left for Haiti in 7th grade. I didn’t cry in front of her, but I did whenever I went to bed. I felt abandoned again. I felt abandoned by two people; my sister, and my mom. Now I know that that wasn’t really the case, my mom got paid a hell of a lot for going to Haiti, so it really was worth it, I guess. I’m skeptical of that part, considering that I was constantly scared that something was going to happen to her. There was a German UN worker there, she was reckless and made a mistake that led to her being kidnapped, raped, beaten and held for ransom by Haitan narcos. Can you really blame me for being scared? I was terrified. We talked by skype every night, but we still fought. I fought with my caretaker, my tutor, everyone who I knew I could control. I’m a real piece of shit honestly, because even though I didn’t know the word for it back then, I knew exactly what I was doing: manipulating. I manipulated others to feel bad so that it would be me who had to forgive them, no the other way around. This worked for my tutor, but not for Karin, my caretaker at the time. She was a badass Chilean with a lot of Mapuche blood, she didn’t take shit from anyone, and I’m grateful for that. She helped me grow up, she helped me see that I was being a little asshole who needed to learn that hurting others isn’t the way to resolve one’s own pain. School was actually a vessel for me, a way for me to get away and forget the problems I had at home. I worked my ass off, and I did excellent, but I didn’t really care for it, it was just a way to forget. I did my best to ignore my dad as much as I could during that time, I was too afraid to be angry at him. You haven’t seen him angry; he’s terrifying. Whenever I would visit him at his house, which was every other weekend, I would spend most of my time avoiding him by going on my laptop or playing video games. I hated him because I felt that his way of dealing with his anger wasn’t fair, because he would scream at me or hit inanimate objects. I think you can see where my temper came from. My mom would come to visit every month or so, and for those days, we wouldn’t really fight at all, but it felt so... uncomfortable and alienating that she was there. It was like, I had forgotten how it felt to have a parent around. I forgot to mention that when my mom left to Haiti, I didn’t go to live with my dad until the last few months of my final year of middle school; for the most part, I lived with Karin, who did a pretty excellent job of taking care of me, honestly. I began going out with my friends a bit more often in 8th grade. We would play Capture the Flag, Soccer, Football, the works. It was honestly the funnest time I had. I wish I got to spend more time with them. The group varied at time, but they were mainly: Vicente Rudolph (my best friend outside of school), Maiu Romano, Daniel Espinoza, Charles Grody, Peter Harich (that guy was crazy, pretty cool though), Leetal, Mackenzie, and two others that I don’t remember. Oh yes, and Rodrigo Lamas! He and I were super close. It sucked that he ignored me once I came to visit. Oh well. I still have those memories, and I’ll honestly treasure them forever. They made me feel like I was a part of something, like I wasn’t completely alone. With them, I was actually happy. But with all good things, they must end. Thus came the move. I had to move to Ecuador, so I had to say goodbye to all my friends. I forgot to say, I hung out with a different group of people in school and out of school. The one’s I hung out in school were Trayell Sponge (my best friend and someone who always knew what to say to make me laugh), Dylan, Brandon (aka Bahram) Esmailian, Josiah Wedgwood, two William Chens, and Jared. They were such a badass group, I loved them. I remember that when I told Tray that I was going to leave for Ecuador, he punched the lockers so hard he left a dent, and was immensely pissed off for some reason. “It’s total fucking bullshit,” I remember he said. I remember that he and I tried to keep talking while I was in Ecuador. It didn’t work out, mainly because we both were just too busy with other things. In the end, I couldn’t even find him again, he deleted his goddamned facebook account. I wonder how he’s doing. And voila! I was then in Ecuador! I would go into further detail as to what happened, but this section is wayyy too long already, and I’m starting to feel self-conscious. Besides, you know most of the Ecuador section already. I’m sorry for making this section so long, It was really something that I needed to talk about.

Wow, that took a MASSIVE load off. It feels nice to be able to talk about this stuff. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, you. Wonderful, amazing, beautiful you. I wasn’t lying when I said that you had saved my life you know? Every day I would go home from school, hoping that the bus would crash or I would get shot, just so that I wouldn’t have to go back home. The bus the was the only escape for me. I constantly thought of it, you know? Suicide. At one point in time, it was literally the only thing on my mind. It made me see how worthless I was, and even though I am much, much better now, I still feel that sometimes. In my opinion, depression can be used as a lense to see oneself at our worst, and we can use that to see all the improvement we’ve made ever since we came to realize all the awful things about ourselves. But you know what I found funny? There wasn’t anything wrong with you. Yes, you had a dark past regarding certain things that I will not get into, but to me, you were still that perfect girl who made me smile. Yes you made mistakes, you fought with your parents, but so did I! And the thing is, I always felt like I could find comfort in you, like you always knew how I felt, and most importantly, you treated me like a human being. I didn’t feel like that with the Seniors honestly, it felt like they were friends with me just for the sake of being friends, not because they actually liked me. Yes there were exceptions, but it was still very frustrating to live in a group that you know you don’t always fit in with. Honestly, both of us have our bad sides and issues, but we also have the side that makes us beautiful and amazing; that’s what makes us human. We are an explosive mixture of all the evil in the world mixed with all the good in the world, and for the first time in a long time, I feel that I can finally say this truthfully: I absolutely fucking love it. I love how humans are hybrids between perfection and mistakes. It makes me see us as humanely perfect, if that makes sense? Like, in the perspective of a human, we are all perfect, because everyone is a unique mixture of good and bad that leads us to a chain of events called life, and we all just want to do just these few things in our rather short lifespan: to fit it, to be happy, and to succeed. That is what makes us so humanely perfect, the fact that we are hybrids of two opposing sides and that we all strive for the very same goal. To me, you aren’t perfect, and I’m not perfect to you, not in the way other people see it at least. We humans make too many mistakes to be called perfect, because we see perfection as a godlike form in which one cannot make any mistakes or fuck up once in a while, but I call bullshit on that. We are perfect, in our human form. We humans fuck up, and that makes us grow and learn and improve, and that makes us perfect, because whether we know it or not, we become better, because we want to be perfect, even though it’s absolutely normal for us to make mistakes throughout our lives. So, in human terms, the fact that we make mistakes but improve upon them, that makes me see us as perfect, because we grow and we learn, even through our vices and mistakes, we are still humanely perfect.

Maybe that last section didn’t make any sense... sorry about that, I’m a tad sleep deprived, I’ve been writing this for about 3 or so hours now and I’m now entering the wee hours of the morning, so I may become a tad incoherent.

Nonetheless, I’ve told you a bit about myself, and how I see us as humans, and now I just want to say one thing: I love you. I adore you. To me, your hair can be seen as a rainbow of flowing shimmering locks of hair, and your beautiful eyes are the moon and the sun to me, because it feels like you are there to protect me no matter what. Your voice is the wind to me, how it flows so gently and kisses my face and hugs my body so gently, to show your love for me. Your laughter is the sound of pure happiness, which approaches me whenever I get on skype, because I know that the ringing calling of skype means that I’m just seconds away to hearing your voice. As I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I feel lost without you. You’ve guided my way through so many hard times, and I hope I’ve done the same for you. We’re in this together through thick and thin, no matter how many fights we get into or how angry we are at each other, I still love you, and i still remember all the good, amazing memories we’ve made together, because I will cherish those till the end of my existence, but I hope my existence can end next to your side, when we’re both old enough. You are my love, mi amor, mi vida, my always, and I love you infinitely, please don’t ever forget that. The future is very uncertain, that is for sure, but it’s like you’ve said, “I’m not sure about a lot of things, but I am certain of one thing. And that is that I love you.” Sorry, I may have messed up the wording a tad, but you know what I mean. I too am uncertain about so many things, I just try not to show it. But I am certain that I love you, infinitely and truly. I used to wonder about my future, and if I ever deserved to have one in the first place, but whenever I look at you, I know that I want to keep going, through the good and the bad, that eventually, It’ll all be worth it. You make me want to be a better person, for myself as well this time. I want to be better, because I want to succeed and do great things in life. I want to be happy. Specifically, I want to be happy with you.

I don’t feel like I’m enough just yet, but that’s something I need to keep working on so that I am enough. I will make you the happiest girl in the world, you just wait and see.

You must be getting a stroke from all the cheesiness I’ve been saying, and I want to keep going, but I know that If I do I just won’t stop, and I need to post this eventually! Maybe I’ll write another message defining all the ways that you amaze me and make me appreciate you as the amazing, beautiful person you are, but thats for next time.

For now, I love you infinitely mi amor, so much so that the universe itself cannot contain my love. I want to see you now, so so much that it’s killing me. But i’ll just have to wait. I’ll be there soon, so that I can hold you in my arms again. One month left, please wait for me like I’m waiting for you, I love you

- GQ

#loveyou #infinitely #humanelyperfect #you make me happy #thick and thin #mi amor #mi vida\#mi todo #rawr #raw #<3

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xfanfics · 4 years

Text

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 4

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity. Header graphic used with permission.

This list contains: 33 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

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Casturbatus Interruptus by gaugbrojotr

E | 6k | Canon!verse, Hot, , PWP

that awkward moment when... by highermagicv

E | 7k | Hot, wing!Kink

This Temporary Flesh and Bone by misachan

E | 5k | Canon!verse, h/c, wing!kink

Castiel doesn't serve Dean, fine, Dean has no problem with that - he just wants to know why Castiel's showing up in his dreams again.

What a fabulous little Fic. Very emotional. S4 cas is my FAVORITE.

Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei

E | 18k | Canon!verse, soulbond

Learning Curve by blualbino

T | 1k | Fluff, Canon!verse

Cas has nice lips. They’re soft looking. Plush even. Dean can do this.

Dinner At Katz's by nanoochka

E | 2k | Hot, canon!verse

Dean might have to teach Cas how to have a When Harry Met Sally-esque orgasm, but he certainly doesn’t have to fake it.

Free With His Hands by watermaline

E | 2k | canon!verse, handprint!kink

The first time it happens, Dean chalks it up to…well, he doesn’t chalk it up to anything, he’s too busy coming his brains out in his jeans with Castiel’s hand on his shoulder.

Desecrate that Sanctuary by brokentoy

E | 3k | Hot, Alt!Canon Verse

Dean develops a fascination with Cas' bones.

What Once Was Sacred by saltandbyrne

E | 55k | Hot, AU, Cop Dean, DJ Cas

Freefall by LastKnownWriter

E | 128k | Hot, Fluff, AU, Teacher Dean, Firefighter Cas

The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass ❤ by ireallyhatecornnuts

E | 110k | Hot, Fluff, HS AU but not really,

deus ex nihilo by Valyria

E | 7k | AU, dubcon, god cas

Lost on an uncharted island, Dean Winchester is captured by the local villagers and offered up as a sacrifice to their winged god. Castiel takes one look at Dean and decides he wants him for a mate.

Twist and Shout ❤ by gabriel

E | 97k | Angst, AU, Main Character Death

Do I really need to say anything? Twist and Shout is one of my favorites simply because it made me bawl. Didn't love the characterization, but I still liked it overall.

Angel Slayer by emwebb17

E | 138k | Jensen/Misha, Mystery, AU

FBI Special Agent Jensen Ackles tracked a serial killer dubbed the Angel Slayer for six months in Washington, DC—the murderer was vicious, depraved, carved the names of angels into the victims’ chests…and eluded capture. Over eight years later, a murder in small Elton, NH has too many similarities for Jensen to ignore. Paired with a green agent, Jared Padalecki, Jensen travels to Elton to solve the case that has been haunting him for nearly a decade. In the course of the investigation the agents come across a local police officer named Misha Collins—who may have a deadly connection to the Angel Slayer.

Carry On ❤ by TamrynEradani

E | 148k | Hot, AU, Sub!dean, Dom!Cas

When Sam gets into Stanford, Dean needs a bigger paycheck than Bobby's garage can give him. Luckily, he knows a guy.

Forget 50 Shades of Grey, they should make this fic into a movie! Even if you are not a fan of Sub!Dean, give this fic a shot, because it is nearly perfect.

Glasses by Samanthapin

E | 9k | Fluff, High School AU, punk!cas, nerd!dean

Teasing turns flirting turns dating turns grossly soppy boyfriends

beer and bacon happy hour by outpastthemoat

G | 2k | canon!verse, s8

Hard Road ❤ by aleishapotter

E | 54k | Canon!verse

Dean Smith Verse by TamrynEradani

E | 17k | Hot, BDSM, AU, Sub!Dean

Dean Smith is a man of routine. Castiel takes him apart.

Bratishka: Little Brother by Valyria

E | 33k | Cop AU, Cop Dean, Lawyer Cas

the way to a man's heart by mkhunterz

M | 15k | Fluff, Canon!verse

Dean teaches Cas to cook, and other things as well.

Branded by garrisonbabe

E | 12k | | canon!verse, soul bond, marking/claiming

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light by obstinatrix

E | 39k | canon!verse, sastiel bromance, Fluff

So Glad We Made It ❤by scaramouche

M | 16k | Fluff, AU

At twelve years old, Dean makes a friend, who becomes his best friend, who will eventually become the love of his life.

Oh, the best friends who grow up together AU. I have a soft spot for fics like these-- comes with pining, awkward misunderstandings, and a good basis for a realistic relationship.

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) ❤ by kototyph

E | 23k | Fluff, college au

FLUFF EVERYWHERE! This is definitely a feel-good fic and I love reading it when I'm sad. Or just you know, whenever.

But the Fire is So Delightful by kototyph

E | 5k | Hot, hate then love, College AU

Apparently, it’s been snowing all day. [Dean is a Douchebag Fratboy with a Cherry Ass, Castiel is Angry and Aroused]

Stitches by askance

T | 23k | Fluff, h/c, blindness, Canon!verse

When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone

E | 25k | Fluff, canon!versE |

The Curious Case of Wee Baby Cas Things by tracy_loo_who

G | 4k | Gen, crack

In which Dean and Sam get saddled with a herd of Cas-like baby animals. Meanwhile, Castiel just wants a hug.

The Life After the Morning After by saltyfeathers

T | 17k

Dean and Cas get uber drunk on their last day of University. They end up married. Neither of them seem to mind.

The Girlfriend Experience ❤ by Rageprufrock

E | 15k | Hot, Canon!Verse, First time

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Classic Casturbation fic. Complete with steamy sexytimes, hilarious dialogue, and fed up and clueless Dean. Perfect.

Asunder by Rageprufrock

E | 23k | Sam/Ruby, Hospital AU Fluff,

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire

T | 14k | Canon!Verse, s8

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.)

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic recs #supernatural #spn #*#list

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plaidaleckiandsnackles · 8 years

Text

Butterflies

read it on ao3

Castiel loved band, he loved music, but honestly? Marching band camp was hell. It was hot, bright, his feet ached, and his arms were sore from holding up his flute. But he had a bottle of Biofreeze waiting in his locker, and that thought alone was going to get him through the next hour of drills. He sighed, coming to attention and bringing his flute up as their trillionth drill for this movement began. They got about four bars into it before Mr. Turner called it quits, turning his attention on the clarinets and sending Naomi down to talk to the section leader about positioning. Castiel dropped his flute, twirling it absently in one hand before stretching his arms out behind him and turning on the spot, knowing better than to stray too far from his mark between drills. He let his eyes flicker over the blocking, watching the different sections talking amongst themselves, the drumline stretching after unhooking their drums from their shoulders. He snorted, watching the brass players rubbing their numb lips, before making eye contact with Dean Winchester, who smirked, biting his lower lip and fucking winking at Castiel. Cas started, immediately averting his eyes and blushing. He and Dean had started talking during the summer before camp began, and Cas' already present crush had grown exponentially as they'd gotten to know each other better. Dean was one year above Castiel, and perfect. He was gorgeous, smart, charming, and hilarious. He wrote an opinion column for the school paper, and had won awards, had some of his short stories published. He was also a terrible flirt, especially to Castiel. When they'd finally met in person on the first day of camp, Dean had told him he was cute when he smiled, and had grinned at him when his face colored immediately. He now took every opportunity to smile or wink at Cas, knowing how it affected him. Mr. Turner got their attention again, calling for one more run through of the movement before lunch. Cas groaned internally, shaking out his arms and steeling himself for one more run.

~~~

When lunch was finally called, after they'd marched back to the school to the sound of the drumline's cadences, the students scattered, many going to their lockers and depositing their instruments, gathering various essentials before either settling in the Performing Arts' Center lobby or heading out to their cars to go off campus for lunch. Cas beelined to the bathroom before leaving. As he was washing his hands he felt eyes on him, and looked up to meet Dean's green eyes in the mirror. He blushed a little, dropping his eyes and finishing up. Dean sauntered forward, leaning on the counter next to Castiel, looking him up and down before licking his lips and grinning, meeting Cas' eyes. "Hey Cas." "Hello, Dean." Castiel's eyes dropped to Dean's mouth, red and swollen from his trumpet mouthpiece. His lips were already pink and plump, and the swelling just made them more enticing. "Where ya goin' for lunch?" Cas shrugged, running his wet hands through his hair to cool down before drying his hands. He jumped when he felt fingers smoothing his hair down, and shuddered, closing his eyes and stilling. Dean finished fixing Cas' hair to his liking, stepping back and grinning flirtatiously at Castiel when he opened his eyes slowly to look up at him. "So, no lunch plans?" Opening his mouth, Castiel stuttered on his words before shaking his head. He swallowed. "No."

"Well, you're welcome to come with me any day you want." Dean winked, backing toward the door. "Offer's always on the table." He gave Castiel a two-finger salute before leaving. Cas exhaled all the breath in his body, leaning heavily on the counter. He closed his eyes, calming himself before the loud rumbling of his stomach shocked him into action, and he gathered himself before heading out to grab some food before he missed the chance.

~~~

Band camp dragged on, Castiel often distracted by the flirtations of Dean Winchester. He was able to focus enough to nail his blocking and not fuck up his part too much, but anytime Dean got close to him, his brain turned to static. On one of the last days of camp, Cas' ride had to leave early, leaving Cas to scramble for a ride, or risk walking the 45 minutes home on already aching legs. "Meg, come on, you owe me." "Sorry, Clarence," Meg shrugged, spinning one of her drumsticks between her fingers "drumline has practice with the pit tonight for our floor show. Starts right after camp. Singer is feeding us so we don't have to leave." Cas groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "How long is practice, maybe I can kill some time." "By the time practice is even half over you could have walked home, and stopped for ice cream." She shrugged, ruffling Castiel's hair. "Tough luck, Clarence." "Yeah, right. Thanks anyway, Meg." Cas trudged away, dropping to the floor and leaning back against the brick wall, pulling out his cell to text Gabe, and finding it dead. Annoyed, he dropped it on the floor, propping his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. "What's up, angel? You look upset." Castiel's head snapped up, finding Dean squatting down in front of him. He'd developed a tan line from his sunglasses on the sides of his face, and his freckles were more pronounced than Cas had ever seen. He closed his mouth with a click when he realized he was staring and shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "It's not a big deal, Chuck had to bail early for an appointment, and Meg has drumline tonight, so I'm kind of stranded." He tilted his head up to look at Dean, who was watching him. "Well hell, Cas, if a ride is all you need, I can take you home." Dean smiled kindly at him. "What, really?" Castiel's eyes widened, and he sat up. Dean laughed lightly, nodding. "Yeah, Cas. It's not far." "You know where I live?" Dean's face darkened, and he cleared his throat, shrugging. "We rode the same bus my sophomore year, before dad died and I got Baby." "You noticed me freshman year?" Cas felt like someone had filled his chest with helium. "Hard not to notice eyes like yours, angel." Dean winked, before standing up and holding his hand out to help Castiel up. "You got stuff to get, or are you ready?" Castiel was staring at his hand in Dean's, and looked up sharply, his cheeks heating when he found Dean smirking at him. "Sorry, what?" Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "You need anything before we go?" He let go of Cas' hand, reaching in the pocket of his basketball shorts and pulling out his keys. "No, I'm ready. Wait, no." He spun, grabbing his cell off the floor and shoving it in his pocket. "Okay yeah now I'm ready." Pursing his lips, Dean nodded, taking a few steps backward before jerking his head in the direction of the side doors. "I'm this way."

~~~

Riding in Dean's car was a sexual experience, Castiel was sure. The rumble of the engine, the age softened leather under him, Dean singing under his breath along with the radio. It raised goosebumps on Cas' arms. They stopped at a red light and Dean turned to him, smiling. "You okay over there, Cas?" He nudged at Castiel's shoulder, fingers lingering. Castiel glanced over at him, nodding. "Yeah," He cleared his throat. "I just really like your car." Dean beamed, running his hand affectionately over the dashboard. "Yeah, she's great. I hate driving her to school though, I'll probably drive the truck I had before this once school starts, I don't trust all the kids fresh outta driver's ed not to scratch her." Cas hummed his agreement, nodding at the green light ahead of them, and Dean winked as he pulled away. At the curb in front of Cas' house, he paused with his hand on the door handle, turning to Dean. "Thank you, Dean, really. You don't know how much I appreciate this." "No problem, Cas. Like I said, not far." "Well, regardless, I'm grateful." "You can pay me back another time." Dean winked at Castiel, and bit back a smile when Cas immediately blushed. "Yeah. Okay, well, bye. Thanks again." "Later, angel." Cas scurried up the walk to his house, walking in the unlocked door and waving at Dean from the doorway as he drove off, before closing the door and slumping against it. Dean Winchester was ruining his life.

~~~

The beginning of school came and everyone settled into their routines relatively quickly, and it seemed like they hadn't even been back a week before the first competition came around. Cas had managed to secure a spot on the same bus as Dean, thanks to Meg finding the list before him and jotting down both their names. Their first competition went pretty smoothly, his school taking third place in the field show and first for the drumline's floor show. The ride back was energetic, everyone caught up in the high of the first competition. Dean sat on the other side of the bus, a row up from Castiel, and met his eyes occasionally, throwing him a wink or a flirty smile. Castiel's confidence had grown some, and he fought back with a wink or two of his own. By the fourth competition, the excitement had died down a bit. This one was farther than the others, a three hour drive each way, and the bus was almost silent on the drive back, the late hour taking its toll, despite their first place wins in both field and drumline shows. The low buzzing of quiet conversations blended in to the white noise of the bus, and Cas found himself nodding off without his headphones. He caught himself, glancing over to find Meg curled in on herself, asleep with music filtering out from her earbuds. Cas decided to follow suit, plugging his into his phone and leaning his head against the seat in front of him. He must have fallen asleep, because he woke to an incessant tapping on his shoulder. He sat up, looking back at the source of the tapping, and found Dean on his knees on his seat behind Cas, leaning over the back of Castiel's seat. He motioned for Cas to take out his earbuds, and smiled when Cas did so. Dean shifted suddenly, leaning over the back of the seat and crowding into Castiel's space, stopping just in front of his face, his breath on Cas' lips. Cas sucked in a quiet breath, and felt more than saw Dean smile. He pulled back, looking at Cas with a grin. "Did you get butterflies?" Cas nodded, dumbstruck. "I love that feeling." Dean murmured, before sitting back in his seat, and leaving Cas' heart in his throat. Castiel swallowed, his mind reeling to make sense of what the hell just happened. He turned around, still stunned, and replaced his headphones, confusion burning hot on his face as he zoned out the last part of the trip home.

~~~

Once they were back at school with the buses empty and the trucks unloaded, Cas shoved his flute case in his locker and leaned against it, sighing heavily and moving to find Meg to take him home. He saw her talking to Crowley, one of the tuba players, smiling her predatory smile at him as he twirled a lock of her hair around his finger. Castiel shuddered. Not worth it. He sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes and running a hand through his hair. He had to go outside, the early October air already holding a light chill, enough to clear his head. He leaned against the building, breathing deeply before fishing his phone out to dial up Gabe to come get him. A familiar rumble that vibrated his bones made him look up, finding Dean leaning across his passenger seat to look at Cas through the open window. "Need a ride, angel?" Castiel shook his head. "No thanks, I've had enough butterflies for one night." He started walking, nevermind that it was the wrong direction for where he needed to go if Gabe was going to pick him up, though he still hadn't called him. Dean's face fell, and he crept the massive car forward to even up with Cas. "You're not mad, are you, angel? I was just teasing!" "I'm very aware of that, Dean. It's a strength of yours." Throwing the car in park, Dean got out and strode around the front of the car to stand in front of Castiel, his forehead creased in concern. He reached for Cas' shoulder, but he jerked back, and Dean let his hand hang in the air for a moment before dropping it to his side. He studied Cas' face, leaning his shoulder against the brick in front of Castiel. "Cas, did I cross a line or somethin'?" Castiel dropped his eyes, shrugging. "What lines were there to cross, Dean? We're barely friends." Dean shifted back, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck and sighing quietly. "Cas, let me drive you home." Pushing off the building, Cas tried to move past Dean, but froze when Dean grabbed his arm. "Please let go of me, Dean." "Castiel." Dean spoke softly but sharply, causing Cas to snap his head up to look at him in surprise. "Please let me drive you home." He raised his eyebrows, tightening his hand around Cas' arm a little. "Please." Castiel stared at him for a moment, studying his face, before finally nodding. Dean nodded once, opening the door for Cas to climb in and closing it gently behind him. He circled around to the driver's seat and got in, glancing at Castiel before pulling away from the building and out of the parking lot. They drove for a while in silence, before Cas realized they weren't going to his house. "Where are we going?" "It's a surprise." "Dean..." Dean pulled up to a stop sign, turning to Cas. "Cas, do you trust me?" Castiel considered for a moment, before nodding hesitantly. He'd told his parents he might be staying at Chuck's if the buses got in too late, anyway. He wouldn't be expected home. "Okay." Dean nodded. He turned the radio up to a comfortable level, and drove on. Cas wrapped his arms around himself self-consciously and leaned against the door, head on the window and his eyes on the stars. He felt Dean's eyes on him from time to time, but refused to meet them. After a while, Dean finally pulled to a stop, putting the car in park and turning it off. They were plunged into darkness, and as Castiel's eyes adjusted, he realized they were in the parking lot of a park about ten miles from their town, next to the duck pond. Cas had played here occasionally as a child, his parents dragging him along to watch his siblings play their various sports. Dean glanced at him, waiting until Cas reluctantly looked at him in return, and jerked his head, opening his door and climbing out. Cas sat for a moment before sighing heavily and exiting the vehicle as well, rubbing his hands over his arms as he realized he'd left his jacket in his locker. He jumped as a blanket landed on his shoulders, and watched as Dean walked away from him, leaning on the side of the car, looking out at the water. Castiel pulled the blanket around his shoulders, and joined him. They stood together in the quiet for a bit, watching the moon's reflection in the calm water. "I used to come out here a lot after my dad died." Dean murmured, crossing his arms. "I had nightmares, and ended up getting insomnia because I was afraid to go to sleep. After mom went to bed I'd sneak out and come out here, skip rocks, lay in the grass." He cleared his throat, shifting uneasily. "Sometimes I'd talk to him. Tell him how mad I was at him, and cry." Castiel looked at him, not speaking, but unsure of what to do with the sudden honesty. "He never let me cry. Boys don't cry, all that bullshit. He'd have blown a fuse if he'd found out about me." He huffed a humorless laugh, kicking at the ground. "Found out what?" Castiel's voice was quiet, concern bleeding through. Dean shrugged, glancing at Cas quickly before looking back at the ground, kicking a rock into the water and watching the ripples. "That I like guys." Cas stared at him, processing what he'd just said, before blurting out "You're gay?" Sighing exasperatedly, Dean shoved off the car, running a hand through his hair. "There are other sexualities, it's not just straight and gay, you know." He snapped. Flinching, Cas shrunk back against the car. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed." He felt the car rock as Dean collapsed heavily against it, leaning his head back against the roof and looking up at the sky. "I'm bi." He finally muttered, shoving his hands nervously in his jacket pockets. Castiel tightened the blanket around himself, nodding slowly. "Hi Bi, I'm Cas." There were no sounds for a moment save for the perfect timing of a cricket, before Dean burst out laughing, covering his face with his hands. "Oh god, Cas, really? Dad jokes?" He dropped his hands, grinning. "That was awful." Cas smiled, ducking his head. He looked up at Dean with a more serious face, studying him. "I thought you might want a tone change." Dean watched him for a moment before pressing his mouth into a line and nodding. "Thanks, Cas." They stood in silence again, breaking eye contact to watch the water again, when suddenly Dean's hand grabbed Cas wrist and pulled him to his side, lifting his finger to his lips. Cas' eyebrows furrowed, but followed Dean's finger when he pointed across the water, where a deer had approached the edge and was drinking, the small ripples spreading across the surface of the water. Cas exhaled a quiet breath, so focused on the deer he didn't realize Dean's fingers were twined with his, until she looked up suddenly and took off, as deer do. Cas jumped at the sudden change, and tightened his hand in Dean's, looking down at their joined hands in confusion. He looked up at Dean, who had tensed next to him. Castiel leaned back against the car again, dropping Dean's hand when the blanket started sliding off his shoulders, pulling it tight around him again and shifting his weight to lean against Dean's side, feeling him relax. "Why did you do that? On the bus?" Cas finally broke the silence, looking at Dean out of the corner of his eye. "I don't know." Dean shrugged, kicking at the dirt again. "I mean, I do love those pre-kiss butterflies, but I shouldn't have done that to you, it wasn't fair. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He pulled away from Castiel, pushing off the car on the pretense of a stretch. "Dean, I-" Cas swallowed, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. "I was-" "Hey, Cas, don't worry, you don't have to make excuses. I fucked up, I can accept that." He was standing closer to the edge of the water with his hands in his pockets, smiling a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "You didn't fuck up." Castiel blurted, immediately blushing, thankful for the dark. "What?" Dean was staring raptly at him, smile gone from his face. "You didn't fuck up," Cas mumbled, avoiding Dean's eyes. "I wasn't uncomfortable." "You weren't?" Dean's voice was closer, and Cas looked up to find him slowly approaching him. Cas met his eyes and shook his head. "So what were you?" Dean was in front of him now, close enough to touch but far enough to give Castiel some semblance of personal space, though he'd never fully grasped the concept. Eyes dropping to the ground, Cas mumbled something inaudible, and Dean took a step closer. "What?" Castiel took a deep breath, steeling himself. He looked up at Dean, watching as something flashed through his eyes that looked a lot like hope. He swallowed nervously. "I was disappointed." Confusion contorted Dean's face, and he took a step back. "Disappointed." Cas reached out, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him back toward him, ignoring the blanket when it slipped to the ground. He dropped his gaze to the ground, watching as Dean's shoes stopped in front of his. "I was disappointed you didn't kiss me." His confession was met with silence, and he felt his face heat in embarrassment, internally panicking, sure Dean would be able to hear his rabbit heartbeat as he tried to figure out a way out of the situation. "Cas," Dean murmured, and Cas shook his head, blinking rapidly against the tears threatening to fill his eyes. He didn't want to hear Dean's easy let down. He'd let himself hope when Dean said he was bi, but just because he liked guys doesn't mean he liked him. He cursed internally, angry at himself for getting sucked in to Dean Winchester's flirting and thinking it meant anything. "Castiel, look at me." He huffed in annoyance when Cas shook his head again, a tear escaping down his cheek. "Damn it, Cas, look at me!" He grabbed Castiel's chin, forcing his head up and brushing his thumb across Cas' cheek where the tear had fallen. Cas' eyes snapped to Dean's, his brow furrowing in confusion. Dean was studying him, a fond look on his face. "Can I kiss you?" Castiel found himself nodding before his brain decided, and inhaled sharply when Dean pressed close, one hand on Cas' waist. The other combed his hair off his forehead before cupping his jaw. He leaned in, brushing his nose gently against Cas', before ghosting his lips across his. The butterflies fluttered anxiously in Cas' stomach, and he reached for Dean to ground himself, one hand curling in the collar of his jacket and the other hovering hesitantly over Dean's hip. Dean smiled, and just like earlier, Cas felt it more than saw it. He was about to open his mouth to question when Dean closed the small space between them and pressed his lips softly to Castiel's. It was gentle and chaste, and Dean kissed Cas' lower lip as he pulled back, leaning his forehead against Castiel's. He exhaled on a laugh, and pulled back just enough to meet Cas' eyes. "Did you get butterflies?" Cas whispered, and Dean grinned wide, nodding. "Yeah, Cas." "I'm not sure I did." Cas said thoughtfully, and Dean pulled back further to look at him, his eyebrows creasing. Cas tightened his hand in Dean's jacket and pulled him forward again, smiling teasingly. "We should probably try again." Dean huffed, rolling his eyes, pulling a grinning Castiel in by the back of his neck, kissing him again. He sucked Cas' lower lip into his mouth teasing his tongue against it, and hummed in agreement when Castiel groaned softly. Cas leaned back fully against the car, pulling Dean against him, fingers slipping into the front pocket of his jeans. He opened his mouth, inviting Dean in, and both boys made noises of approval when their tongues met, the kiss deepening quickly. They broke apart, panting, and Dean held Cas' face in his hands. "God you're beautiful, Castiel." He leaned in, kissing him again, lips dropping to Cas' jaw, dragging up the shell of his ear. He nosed along Cas' cheekbone, his hand flexing on Castiel's waist. "Fucking gorgeous." He mumbled against Cas' lips before kissing him deeply, pressing Cas against the car. He ran a hand over Castiel's shoulder and down his arm, slipping his fingers between Cas' and squeezing gently. Castiel moaned quietly, snaking his free arm around Dean's neck, carding his fingers through his hair and cradling the back of his head. They pulled apart, panting against the each other's mouths, and Cas smiled, pressing a light kiss to Dean's cheek. "Definitely butterflies." Dean laughed lightly, pulling back to look at Cas and squeezing his hand. "Yeah?" Nodding, Cas smiled shyly. Sighing quietly, Dean dropped his head to Cas' shoulder. "I should probably get you home, huh?" Castiel shrugged, jostling Dean's head. "I told my parents that if the buses got in too late that I might just crash at Chuck's. They're not really expecting me. Dean pulled back, looking at him hopefully. "Really?" He grinned when Cas nodded. "Um, well," he started nervously, scratching at his hair. "Mom is out of town, up in South Dakota visiting Aunt Jody, and since I wasn't going to be home until late, Sammy stayed the night at a friend's house. Do you want to come over?" Hesitating, Cas opened his mouth, but Dean cut him off. "You don't have to. And if you want to, we don't have to do this," he gestured between the two of them. "we can just watch a movie, or play video games, or just sleep. Whatever you want to do, I'm fine with, and-" Cas cut him off with a soft press of his lips. "I would love to come over." He held up a finger when Dean opened his mouth. "I think we might need to talk about what this" he gestured between them as Dean had. "is, but we can figure things out from there. Sleep does sound nice, though." He kissed Dean gently, his lips lingering against Dean's. "Sleeping next to you sounds even better." He smiled when he heard Dean laugh breathlessly before he nodded. They parted, Dean wrapping the blanket around Castiel's shoulders again before they got in the car, Dean leaning over to kiss Cas' cheek before he drove off, and Castiel watched him, a fond smile playing at the corner of his mouth. At a stoplight, Dean looked over at him and grinned, winking. "What are you thinking about that's got you smiling like that?" Castiel reached across the seat, taking Dean's hand. "Butterflies."

#marilyn writes #writing #destiel #fic #fanfic

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brentrogers · 4 years

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Podcast: Surviving Coronavirus Using a Free Mental Health App

Do you ever wish you had an always-available friend to confide in? One who never got tired of hearing your woes? How about a non-judgmental robot who only gives the best advice based on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)? Well, now you’re in luck! Let us introduce you to Woebot, a robot character who helps you identify your distorted thinking. In today’s podcast, Gabe interviews the founder and president of Woebot Labs, Inc, Dr. Alison Darcy, who shares how Woebot came to be and how he can help people with mental health problems.

Intrigued? Tune in to hear how a therapy robot actually works and why it could be extra helpful during the coronavirus quarantine.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Coronavirus Mental Heath App’ Podcast Episode

Dr. Alison Darcy is Founder and President of Woebot Labs, Inc. Prior to Woebot, Alison was a Clinical Research Psychologist and adjunct Faculty in Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford School of Medicine. A specialist in digital treatment development, she has developed health technology for 15 years.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Coronavirus Mental Health App’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Welcome, everyone, to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today we have Dr. Alison Darcy, who is the founder and president of Woebot Labs Incorporated. Prior to Woebot, Alison was a clinical research psychologist and adjunct faculty in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford School of Medicine. A specialist in digital treatment development, she has developed health technology for over 15 years. Alison, welcome to the show.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Thank you very much for having me.

Gabe Howard: Well, I am very excited to talk about Woebot. On your LinkedIn, this caught my eye. It says that you made a robot that makes people feel happier. Can you explain what that means?

Alison Darcy, PhD: Sure. Well, the robot is Woebot. It’s more like a robot character. Woebot really serves as a guide in what is fundamentally a self-directed emotional support program based on cognitive behavioral therapy. So the robot really is not a physical robot. It’s the robot character. That really came from, I think, our origins of making games. Initially we were making cognitive behavioral therapy themed games. And so when Woebot was “born,” he just kind of came out of the gate with a personality and a backstory. And that piece of it was a lot of fun.

Gabe Howard: So Woebot is an app,

Alison Darcy, PhD: That is correct.

Gabe Howard: It’s free, it’s available to download on Apple iTunes and Google Play stores, I’m assuming that they just search for Woebot.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Correct. Yes.

Gabe Howard: But, what’s it like? I mean, so they’ve downloaded the app, how do users interact with it and how do they use it? I guess what I’m really driving at is, you’ve got an app that sounds like it’s sort of doing therapy, but there’s not a person on the other end of it. So it’s just a very curious thing.

Alison Darcy, PhD: You know, it’s actually not as curious as it might sound. So there’s been a lot of apps that have created experiences that are aimed to help people with depression and anxiety. Right? Through cognitive behavioral therapy and in particular that approach is used a lot because it’s quite formulaic. Right? So it lends itself well to development in a digital kind of app based format. And so we have all of the elements there that you would expect to find in one of those programs, such as mood monitoring. Right? So basic checking in every day. How are you doing? What’s going on with your mood? And mood tracking, and there’s also the practice of skills, which in cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, as it’s known, involves challenging your thinking in situations where you’re having intense emotional experience about something, you know, either negative or anxious. And the more you challenge your thinking in those situations, the better you end up doing after all. So you’re sort of fighting against those negative automatic thoughts or the inner critic kind of experience that, you know, those of us who have intense emotional experiences will be familiar with. And so there’s a practicing skills piece and there’s other skills in there like mindfulness and behavioral experiments, which is just a fancy name for saying like doing things as an observer and doing things differently and experimenting. And then there’s also, you know, a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy has a lot of learning in it as well, there’s a lot of concepts that are not necessarily familiar. Woebot delivers all three of those things, but just through a conversation. So the experience is like literally a conversation with this friendly, quirky but warm robot character.

Gabe Howard: I don’t want to sound negative. So please don’t hear it that. It is curiosity, because my first reaction to hearing about Woebot is that it’s a chat bot. A chap bot can’t replace therapy, right? It can’t replace a therapist.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Mm-hmm.

Gabe Howard: I guess my question is, how do you feel that works? I just I’m sort of struggling with it, especially, you know, in the age of the Internet, when bots are and I’m making air

Alison Darcy, PhD: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: Quotes, bots are often seen as like trolls and negative. And they’re looking for keywords to sell you advertising.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: And now here we are. And you’re like, no, no, no, my bot is warm and friendly and a robot character. And that’s kind of where I am. And like, can you explain that?

Alison Darcy, PhD: Yeah, I totally agree with you, by the way. I mean, nobody’s ever going to replace therapy and nobody ever should. I think some people mistake things like Woebot as trying to replace therapy because the experience is delivered in a conversation. And when it’s just a conversation, it appears like, oh my God, this thing is trying to be a therapist. Right. But actually, it’s just a simpler way to kind of go about your day. We know that it’s good to kind of talk about things. Right. And get things off your chest when you’re in a difficult space. The apps that have come before Woebot were effectively asking people to kind of swipe through their problems, right? And click and engage in certain things. And it’s just not as easy as a conversation. And I think especially when you’re feeling low, I mean, I don’t know about you, but it’s my brain does not work as well. You know, it is just harder to navigate through complex things. And, yes. So a conversation is just a simplifying kind of way to go about getting information and practicing skills. And so I think about conversational like I think about chat bots as an interface. And our chat bot in particular is mostly scripted. And so what you’ll find is this conversational experience, but it’s not a true A.I. in that it is, you know, making things up as it goes along, for example, or not like the movie Her. You know, I think you’ll find the experience

Gabe Howard: Right.

Alison Darcy, PhD: It’s just a lot more scripted. In fact, I think what people underestimate, like the amount of design that goes into crafting the things that Woebot says. It’s actually closer to, like a beautifully written choose your own adventure or self-help book, then it is a dystopian. Woebot is a robot character very intentionally because I think that was the one thing that we didn’t want people to mistake it for something that’s like human or pretending to be human. It is very clearly a fiction in terms of Woebot’s character. And so that people are really clear that there is no person behind this, because I think that’s part of what makes Woebot valuable as well, is that it’s you know, it’s just a chat bot. So it can see you on your worst day. You know, you can actually literally say anything to Woebot. And he very clearly does not understand or he’s not going to be offended. There is no person there. There’s no emotion there. And the experience is so much more mundane and friendly and warm and occasionally funny as well, because I do think humor is important.

Gabe Howard: How did you come up with the name of Woebot?

Alison Darcy, PhD: The name was pretty tongue in cheek, right? So it’s obviously woe, you tell it your woes. I recently find very early sketches of something from 2015. And I had sketched this cartoon character and I had said Mr. Woebot, and I just thought it was funny. But then I actually went on to I had a conversation with a subreddits moderator from the depression subreddits. And I kind of wanted to put feelers out there. And I was like listen, how do you think about this name? And actually, he said, listen, I love it. I think it’s hilarious. I am so tired of all those apps for depression that are like these like super happy names. And he’s like, have you ever met somebody with depression? Like, I think this is much funnier. So it is supposed to be a little tongue in cheek. The problem with it is that non-native English speakers just have no idea about the pun so.

Gabe Howard: That makes sense.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Well, what are you going to do?

Gabe Howard: Yeah. You know, I think it’s interesting that you pointed out that, you know, people who live with depression, you know, I live with bipolar disorder. So depression is obviously a big part of that. I get so frustrated is probably the right word that everything designed to help me always has these like touchy feely, flowery, huggy names. And I’m like, I don’t relate

Alison Darcy, PhD: Right.

Gabe Howard: To any of this now. You know, your logo is sunshine and flowers. And I don’t relate to that. And they’re like, oh, you want my logo to be like a storm with somebody soaking wet? And I’m like, no, no, that wouldn’t be cool either.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Not either. Yeah, right. Right.

Gabe Howard: It sort of reminds me of like a therapy version of, say, Amazon.com’s chat, customer service. When you first go into Amazon’s customer service, little chat thing, it tells you that it’s not a person and you type in what problem you’re having and it gives you some choices and it asks you if any of those are right. And then eventually, if the automated system can’t guide you to the right place, it asks you if you want to chat with an associate. Now, to be clear, Woebot never gets to the point where it can recommend or send you to an associate. It’s 100 percent virtual for lack of a better term, but it sounds like it’s based on the same technology, right? It looks for keywords and it gives you ideas. And it’s. Is that like a very simplistic way to describe it?

Alison Darcy, PhD: That’s exactly right. Like instead of you selecting something from a menu, it just allows you to describe what’s going on in natural language and then it understands. OK. It’s sort of like, so, you know, your boss is an idiot. Is this a relationship problem that we’re dealing with? And that’s the kind of interaction that Woebot will have. So it’s asking you, it’s sort of like this is how I’m understanding what you’re saying. Is that true? And if that is true, OK, here are some ways that we can go about this. And if you want if indeed you want my help with this or maybe you just want to tell me what an idiot your boss is. And that’s OK as well. And literally that is how the conversation goes. This is a sort of a way of interacting with technology that feels a lot more natural to us. When you need help, right, you just want to be able to say what’s going on and say it really simply. And then and be understood and be heard. Woebot is not pretending to be more intelligent, I think, than he actually is. And that’s really important for us as well. It is important that like he clearly outlines the barriers and the limitations of understanding. But I’ve always had this theory that a really good cognitive behavioral therapist in particular should not become like part of your process.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Right. I always felt like there isn’t any particular magic there per se. We just one of the beautiful things about CBT that I love is that it’s actually so empowering as an approach because it’s saying like you have the skills to figure this out. I’m just going to ask you the right question. And I think that’s the magic about Woebot. Woebot is going to ask you the right questions. But ultimately, it’s you who has to do the work still. Right? Like you still have to be sharing what the negative automatic thoughts are. You still have to see if there are distortions in those parts. And then you are the one that’s still going to have to do the work of reframing those thoughts and writing them down and writing them out. But so Woebot is a guide that facilitates that process. But the beautiful thing is it’s really clear. It’s still on you. Right? And I think that’s a much more empowering than this kind of I have all of the answers and I will diagnose you or I will treat you quote-unquote treat you right like this is very clearly a self-directed program.

Gabe Howard: Well, that’s really cool, one of the things that you keep saying is that you say to Woebot. You tell Woebot. Is this something that you have to type in or can you literally talk to Woebot?

Alison Darcy, PhD: Right now, no, it is just typing, it’s typing and there’s a reason for that, too. I mean, we often get asked why and there’s a couple of reasons why we haven’t made a voice version of Woebot. One is it’s just more complex and there are privacy things about a voice booming out of a space that you can’t control. Right. But mostly you’ll see this even in a therapist’s office when you’re doing CBT. Often you are writing things down on a piece of paper and there’s a reason for that. Writing down your negative thoughts is a process that we call externalization. You’re literally getting it out of your head and when you see that part written down. Looking back at you, it’s kind of shocking. It’s like, oh, wow, that’s in my head. That’s really interesting. And so there’s value in that process of externalization, which is really just getting it done and seeing that part in front of you. And because once it’s out of your head, then you can do something with it and you can actually challenge it. You know, it becomes external and it becomes something that you can challenge in a way that ultimately can help you feel better when you realize, wow, I’ve been walking around with this assumption all the time and it’s actually not 100 percent true.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.

Sponsor Message: Hey folks, Gabe here. I host another podcast for Psych Central. It’s called Not Crazy. He hosts Not Crazy with me, Jackie Zimmerman, and it is all about navigating our lives with mental illness and mental health concerns. Listen now at Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or on your favorite podcast player.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: We’re back discussing the mental health app Woebot with Dr. Alison Darcy. Let’s shift gears a little bit, because in this day and age right now, everything is going to devolve into let’s talk about the pandemic.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: Let’s talk about COVID-19. Let’s talk about quarantine. The COVID-19 outbreak has just caused an incredible mental health issue. Really, just across the nation and across the world, people are dealing with fear, displacement, loss of jobs, trauma and grief, because this is big. I can’t imagine that when you were inventing Woebot, you thought, hmm, I wonder if this will work for an international pandemic?

Alison Darcy, PhD: That’s right. Now, I mean. Well, the CBT purist in me wants to say that, like, these tools are useful across the board. And I think that’s important to say because I think people often mistake something like CBT is like, oh, this is just you’re teaching people positive thinking skills, right? Like let’s reframe this as something positive. And that is absolutely not what it’s about. It is actually about disentangling the really distressing thoughts that are distorted versions of reality from what reality is. So it’s about keeping grounded so that you can face the challenges that are very real in front of you. Right. So, for example, people often say, well, what? You know what? If you have somebody who’s actually like you’ve got a terminal illness, they can actually still have distorted thoughts. They can still have thoughts like, oh, my family’s never going to recover from this. I have destroyed my family’s life by having this terminal illness. But when you kind of sit down and challenge that, it’s like, is that true? And they can really start to think about. No, actually, my family might eventually they will move on. And this is an unfortunate part of life. So that’s just one caveat about when we talk about a pandemic. But at the same time, this is completely unprecedented in my lifetime. What’s also interesting is like, as you said, this is global. Everybody is going through the same thing, which is just something I’ve never personally ever seen.

Alison Darcy, PhD: You know, I’m thinking about this is my advice for myself as well. Right. There’s a piece of this that we can tap into as a collective population that it is something that we are all going through. And yes, we all deal with things really differently. And so I want to be careful about the advice of like just reach out. You know, if you’re upset, you know, talk to someone because reaching out is not often that easy for people. I mean, that is one of the key premises in which we were building Woebot was a part of being accessible is about being emotionally accessible. And I think one of the things that we have seen is that it’s just really hard for some groups of people to reach items and talk about how they’re feeling with other people. And yes, if you were ever considering it at any point in your lifetime, now is the time because the person that you are talking to is going through the same thing. So reach out if you can. And then the second thing is just all of us really have to just do the things that we can do and that really varies for everybody. You know, personally, one of the things that really keeps me balanced is just being able to go out and go for a walk occasionally. And that is not possible now. And so, like, what are the things that I can do really in my life now? Like, what are the things that are available to me, even if they just sound ridiculously insignificant to somebody else? You know, I have a little routine in the morning.

Alison Darcy, PhD: I have like I make my little cup of tea, which is almost like a meditation for me, for someone who can’t meditate. Going outside. I have absolutely. I’m one of those people that have started gardening. I have a small deck. And that is the extent of my gardening space. But I tend to them every day because that is a little routine that kind of keeps me sane and keeps me present. And I think that’s the same for everybody. We all have to figure out what are the tiniest things that we can do right now that actually keep us grounded. To be able to face the storm that is ahead. And it’s not about denying that reality. It’s about helping ourselves be the best that we can be to deal with this. Right. And sort of disentangling the negative emotions that come along with, you know, even losing a job. People can feel like really guilty, even though it’s nothing to do with ourselves. Like an awful lot of those feelings that make it really hard for us to navigate through these difficult periods. And so if there are tools out there and there are things out there or people out there that you can rely on to keep you grounded. I think that’s the best advice in order to be able to face challenges that are very real.

Gabe Howard: Swinging back to Woebot. Do you believe that Woebot can help with COVID-19 stress? And I understand that you’ve even added some features to make sure that it can help.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Yeah, it has. We’ve launched a program of content. You know, this is another piece. I think that we’re so fortunate to be in a position to have been able to focus our attention as a company and everyone in the company on something that was meaningful, meaningful to us and to everybody we love. And potentially the world. Right. So I think of this as a real gift for us. But also a lesson in getting through a pandemic is if you have meaningful work to do, it really, really helps. We launched our COVID-19 program of content on March 17th and we came together as a group and said stress testing the principles of CBT. Should be that those the tools that we have in Woebot, that Woebot is delivering should still work for this environment. Right. But what other things do we need to build out and think about? And one of the things as we thought through was do we really want to provide more information about coronavirus in an environment where we’re actually pretty inundated by news media articles? And then we said, you know what? Probably not. So when someone reaches out to Woebot in a good mood or like they feel OK, they’re kind of managing, but they’re not reaching out in a moment of distress.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Let’s give some things that are thought provoking, lifting spirits and just keeping people grounded. So we built I just think the most beautiful lessons, we call them lessons but they’re really stories, that cover things from ideas for staving off cabin fever or ideas for reaching out to people electronically when it feels weird to a study about chickens. And that’s called Chicken Study for the Soul. And it’s about a couple of chickens that were investigated. One chicken is given a fright and how the other chicken responds. And really the kind of learning therein is about the effect of us showing up in a certain emotional state on other people and the effect that other people’s emotional state has on us and how that’s reciprocal. But we also built on some of the core foundational pieces that we have in regards to grief and financial worry. So we do have some tools in there for decision making, for example, and just a really nice program of content for processing grief that is based on interpersonal therapy, which has some really nice evidence based tools, but it’s really about Woebot sort of inviting the person to kind of process the grief at this time.

Gabe Howard: Well, I think that is incredible. We’re so close to being out of time. I just want to ask a couple of questions to reassure listeners. What’s your approach to user information and privacy? Because some of this is in fact, arguably most of this would be confidential health information. I’m sure that nobody wants to download an app, say that their boss is an idiot and then have that end up on the Internet. Yeah.

Alison Darcy, PhD: Right. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. Yeah. That is a great one. So, all of the data that we see is completely de-identified. And when people register, we ask for an email address so that if they change devices or lose their phone, they can kind of pick up where they left off in a program. But that email is kept separate to the conversational data. So basically what I’m saying is anything that you say to Woebot cannot actually be traced back. Yeah, we’re HIPPA compliant. We’re actually GDPR compliant as well. I mean, we’re a bunch of psychologists who really believe in a trustworthy place for people to be able to share what’s on their minds in a confidential and anonymous way.

Gabe Howard: Well, Alison, I love that. Can you tell our listeners where to find Woebot and everything that they need to know? I’m assuming that you have a Web site?

Alison Darcy, PhD: We do, it’s Woebot.io. W O E B O T dot I O. And actually on the Web site, you’ll get a flavor for what Woebot does. There’s a little Web widget there that I’m proud to say is part of our coronavirus initiative. We actually it’s been translated into Italian now for integration into the Italian Health Ministry’s Web site. But you can get a flavor of like what a tool looks like through that and you can download Woebot for free in the Google Play or iOS iTunes Store.

Gabe Howard: Alison, thank you so much for being here and thank you to all of our listeners for tuning in. Please subscribe, rank and review our podcast. When you share us on social media, use your words. Tell people why they like it. And hey, don’t be afraid to tag your friends. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere, simply by visiting BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We will see everyone next week.

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Podcast: Surviving Coronavirus Using a Free Mental Health App syndicated from

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