#GROND

[tolkienpinupcalendar]

Sluttiest Tolkien Character: Round 4

Finwe vs Grond

(art by @fil3t)

Propaganda under the cut ↓

Finwe:

Listen...I wouldn't fuck him, but he's the only canonical elf who could reasonably be accused of sluttiness, LaCE compliant

The only elf to canonically have two spouses. Also, the dude had five kids when all the other Unbegotten Elves had 1-3 (Elwë & Luthien, Ingwë & Ingwion. Olwë had 3 kids). Also also, he basically let his kids do whatever they wanted, even withholding a scolding when Kid #1 pointed a sword at Kid #3. Seems like Finwë just had kids for the sake of Doing The Do with his wife and having a big family for no canonical reason.

Literally petitioned the Valar to change the law to allow him to marry again

#the gods literally rewrote elven law because of this guy's dick. cmon. #he couldn't keep it in his pants to save his (or miriel's) life

#he changed the history of the elves by not being able to leave his d in his pants #like he didn't have some special power or a world changing plan he just wanted to do the deed lmao

#channeling my inner valinorean aristocrat hearing of the noldor king's scandalous remarriage for the first time and voting finwe

#guys PLZ finwe was the first slut he invented it

Grond:

Literally a wolf’s head, used for penetration purposes. And he’s thiccc. even bad dash dragon dot com could never compete

GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND

#grond literally penetrated the gates of minas tirith come on guys

[imjustexistingtbh]

“kill them with kindness” WRONG. GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND

[curioscurio]

[reptiliannastyboy]

here have this grond meme that my partner made

[silmarillion-ways-to-die]

My favorite character is The Fox Who Never Found Out Any More About It, but he's not in the movies.😩

[mithrandirl]

Thrice he cried. Thrice the great ram boomed. And suddenly upon the last stroke the Gate of Gondor broke. As if stricken by some blasting spell it burst asunder: there was a flash of searing lightning, and the doors tumbled in riven fragments to the ground.

@lotr20 day 4: friendship | loyalty

[sillylotrpolls]

Presumably in the case of the third option you are the Great Gate of Minas Tirith.

[saintstars]

Elf Hunting (repost)

[dasnercaret]

technodad will happily obliterate any and all of you fake technoblade merch sites

[maybe-thou-shalt-find-valimar]

I WAS REALLY FUCKING TIRED WHILE WATCHINB LOTR THE OTHER NIGHT AND

I DONT FUCKING REMEMBER THIS HOW WAS I AWAKE ENOUGH TO INSERT AN IMAGE

[parcifalii]

[tolkienpinupcalendar]

Sluttiest Tolkien Character: Round 3

Grond vs Sauron

(SPECIFICALLY the glowing eye Sauron in LotR, not every version of Sauron all at oonce)

(Barad Dur art by Paul Lasaine)

Propaganda under the cut ↓

Grond:

Literally a wolf’s head, used for penetration purposes. And he’s thiccc. even bad dash dragon dot com could never compete

GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND

Sauron:

whats more phallic than barad dur, lets be so fr. whaddya need an omniscient eye for, penetrating ppl’s minds?? like come onnn

+ some propaganda from prev tags:

#god LITERALLY made him ugly so people would stop falling for his shit#THAT IS A THING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED#he was so so sexy that god had to remove that temptation from the universe so people would stop following him into evil#“he could never again take fair form” <- bc he SLUTTED TOO HARD AND GOD HAD TO NERF HIM

[boromirthedad]

[beardedmrbean]

[autistook]

March 14th - Minas Tirith is surrounded

"But when men ran to learn what it might be, they cried aloud or wept. For the Enemy was flinging into the City all the heads of those who had fallen fighting at Osgiliath, or on the Rammas, or in the fields."

[manulpika]

Carved this for Halloween this year but I thought I’d post it for @nolofinweanweek!

Fingolfin v. Morgoth, very much inspired by this piece by @gvalesthedumb!

And a daytime shot, for more pumpkin and less fires of angband: