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you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

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date someone that makes you roll your eyes and smile right after

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Shoutout to all the theatre kids who aren’t actors

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who can’t sing for shit

Shoutout out to all the theatre kids who have two left feet

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who have never seen a broadway show live

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who have only ever seen the bootlegs

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are techies

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are stage managers

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are pit members

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are into the hella popular musicals

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are into musicals that no one has ever even heard of

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who always get the ensemble parts

Let’s celebrate all these lovely musicals together and stop the hate 😊😊😊

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Abby + Buck on the telephone requested by anon!

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9 Days Post Op

February 02, 2018

Today I am 9 days, count 'em NINE, post-op from my total colectomy with ileostomy with Dr. Joshua Braveman in Columbus, OH. I have to say, I did not expect to be doing nearly as well as I am at this stage in my recovery. When I decided to go surgery route to treat my severe Ulcerative Colitis, I knew that it was going to be a bumpy ride; so that's what I was prepared for. Now, I'm not saying that this first surgery has been all sunshine and roses, I have been in pain, but nothing like what I expected. To give you an idea, I had a double mastectomy with male reconstruction 309 days ago. That's not a bigger surgery, and is considerably less invasive than having an entire organ removed and an ostomy created; and I was out for the count for nearly 8 weeks. I could barely get out of a chair or off the couch for almost 2 weeks! Yet here I am, 9 days post-op from my colectomy, going to the store (in one of the electric scooters, but still out!) and out to get food! They told me that I would start to feel better after this surgery, but I didn't realize just how much better.

If I had ANY doubts that this was the right thing to do, they are completely gone. But let's be honest, they were gone when I was sitting in the bed waiting to be wheeled back into surgery. I had this sense of peace, that this was the right thing to do. That I knew that I was about to get my life back. Yes it may take a year, and two more surgeries to until I have my j-pouch, but it's going to happen. I'm going to be able to function like a semi-normal human being for once in my life.

For anyone who has never been sick, the thought of having to go through 3 surgeries to have a normal life probably sounds ridiculous. I was trying to explain it to one of my friends; my reasoning behind deciding to move forward with surgery when I knew that it would be a mass amount of pain and recovery time. It's hard to find the words to tell them that trading one more year of my life to some temporary discomfort from surgeries, a little bit of work with the ostomy for a few months, and then adjusting to the new j-pouch; is more than worth it to not live a life of not being in constant pain, having to live a life of "Well, I MIGHT be able to make it if my body decides to cooperate that day, and I don't eat anything I shouldn't a week or so in advance..." and having to know where every single bathroom is every moment that I walk out the door. I'm 25 years old. I have given almost 4 years of my life to this disease, despite everything I've done to fight it. I'm tired of it. I want to take control of my life again, and this is going to let me.

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You’re a wanker, Number 9!

an ancient lesbian proverb (via cophines)

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Happy 24th birthday to The X-Files, September 10, 1993. 

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YOU GUYYYSSSS I HAVE THE PERFECT PLAN

Context: This is going viral:

YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT

THERE IS NO XF WRITERS’ ROOM, NONE OF THEM KNOW WHAT ANY OF THE OTHER ONES ARE WRITING

YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS YES

Does anyone really know what those two writers’ assistants look like???

…

HERE’S HOW IT’S GOING DOWN

1. Agree on a fanfic. (This is going to be the hard part.)

2. Get the script to David and Gillian. You guys, they don’t know what’s going on half the time anyway. And they will be so happy to have dialogue that makes sense.

3. Find a trustworthy man to direct. @h0ldthiscat​ suggests Matthew Rhys in a mustache. (kcat: “He would be like ‘I’ve totally directed for this show before!’ And Gillian would be like 'oh yeah, I remember you!'” FOOLPROOF)

4. Distract Chris Carter during the week one of his episodes is supposed to shoot. I recommend luring him through the woods to a magical surfing beach a la Nimue in Camelot. Please do not drown him. We don’t do that. Show him a nice time.

5. Get to work with David, Gillian, the script, and “Todd Johnson” or whatever name we select. No one’s gonna remember.

6. Once it’s in the can, get it to Fox before anyone is the wiser. We can always shuffle all the episodes around to cover our tracks. It’s going to make about the same amount of sense regardless. 

7. It airs! Mulder and Scully make out a lot and have emotionally fulfilling interactions, domestic sweetness and affectionate familiarity, a plot that involves them as people and is therefore engaging to the audience, subtle but beautiful angst courtesy of Matthew “The Americans” Rhys aka Todd Johnson, and a satisfying ending. David and Gillian never know that anything went awry but they may have the vaguely pleasant sense that their characters got some emotional closure. Glen Morgan is a little suspicious. Chris Carter blithely takes credit for the episode which is obviously a huge hit. Anne Simon cheers him on. People like The X-Files again and Fox makes money. Todd Johnson has a flourishing second career directing television in a mustache. Everyone is happy. Myassbrokethefall is released from her two-plus decades of torment and becomes a goat farmer in the Faroe Islands. 

THE END

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Making the fiancée start at the beginning of Doctor Who. She keeps saying that I'm going to spoil everything. If we managed to watch 4 episodes of series 6 without me saying ANYTHING about River being Amy and Rory's daughter, I think I can make it through without spoiling anything.

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Advice for girls: buy skinny jeans in the boy’s section

They’re more comfortable, still form fitting, and best of all: THE POCKETS. THEY HAVE ACTUAL POCKETS.

don’t believe me? look:

these are boys pants, and they look just as good on me as any other skinny jeans I own

See that phone? I’m going to put it in the pocket. Must be so small right??

Ah yes, girl pants length. Probably can’t fit any further than that-

what? what’s this?

Good god. Oh good lord in heaven. This is blasphemous.

Look at how much room is still there. There’s chaos in the streets. Babies are crying. Fashion designers are screaming out of fear of the unknown.

Buy your pants in the boys section, girls. Live in the beautiful world you deserve where you can fit shit in your pocket.

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Gravity Falls aesthetic 👽🏚👻

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Trust no one