#GOODNIGHT STAYED UP WAY TOO LATE FOR THIS

[gottencents]

Casual PT.4 - Yu Jimin

part one. | part two. | part three.

pairing. mean girl!karina x star soccer player!reader

synopsis. at Changryeo University, Yu Jimin or just Karina is the ultimate “mean rich girl” — popular, wealthy, and always seeking ways to stay on top. After setting her sights on Sunghoon, the charming soccer captain, Karina shifts her focus to Y/N, an up-and-coming soccer star with an unexpected breakout season. Unlike the polished Sunghoon, Y/N is more of an outsider who got by on talent but doesn’t fit the typical college elite mold. Realizing that Y/N is the only one who doesn’t care about the social hierarchy, Karina proposes a deal: they’ll fake date so Karina can boost her popularity, while Y/N gets protection from relentless attention. Reluctantly, Y/N agrees, and the two navigate a world of social manipulation, only to find that their fake relationship might lead to something more real than either expected.

The ride home from Karina’s parents’ house felt lighter than Y/N had anticipated. The lingering nerves from the evening had finally dissolved, replaced by a warm sense of belonging. Karina hummed softly along with the radio as she drove, her hand resting comfortably on Y/N’s thigh.

“You were perfect,” Karina said, breaking the peaceful silence. “I knew they’d love you.”

Y/N chuckled, leaning back in her seat. “You think? I was sure I said at least three awkward things.”

“You were charming,” Karina reassured her. “Even when you nearly knocked over the water pitcher.”

Y/N groaned, covering her face. “I was hoping we could forget that.”

“Never,” Karina teased, her eyes glinting with mischief. “It was adorable.”

As the car pulled into Y/N’s building, Karina parked and turned toward her, her expression softening. “I’m really proud of you. I know tonight wasn’t easy.”

Y/N nodded, feeling the weight of Karina’s words. “Thanks. It actually felt… nice. I liked seeing that side of your life.”

“You’ll be seeing more of it,” Karina promised, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Y/N’s ear. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Y/N smiled, her heart fluttering at the intimacy of the moment. “I guess I can live with that.”

They lingered for a second longer before Y/N reluctantly opened the car door. Karina followed her out, walking her to the entrance of the building. The air was crisp, the quiet hum of the city night wrapping around them like a soft blanket.

Just as Y/N was about to say goodnight, Karina’s phone buzzed. She glanced at it, her brow furrowing slightly.

“Everything okay?” Y/N asked.

Karina hesitated before nodding. “Yeah. It’s just work stuff. I’ll handle it later.”

Y/N raised a brow. “You sure? You can take it if it’s urgent.”

“It’s nothing that can’t wait,” Karina said quickly, slipping her phone back into her pocket.

Y/N studied her for a moment, sensing something just beneath the surface. But before she could press further, Karina leaned in, capturing Y/N’s lips in a slow, lingering kiss that left no room for questions.

“Goodnight, baby,” Karina whispered against her lips.

“Goodnight,” Y/N replied, her voice barely audible.

She watched Karina walk back to her car, her heart full yet tinged with curiosity. Something about that text felt… off. But she trusted Karina, and if it was important, she’d tell her in time.

The next few days felt normal—almost too normal. They kept up their usual routine: meeting for coffee, texting late into the night, and sharing quiet moments in between classes. But every now and then, Y/N noticed that faraway look in Karina’s eyes, like her mind was somewhere else entirely.

It wasn’t until Friday evening that things started to unravel.

Y/N had invited Karina over for dinner, wanting to spend a quiet night together after a busy week. She was just finishing up cooking when there was a knock on the door. Karina walked in, her expression more tense than usual.

“Hey,” Y/N greeted, wiping her hands on a towel. “Everything okay?”

Karina forced a smile. “Yeah. Just a long day.”

Y/N frowned. “Are you sure? You’ve been a little distracted lately.”

Karina hesitated, her eyes darting away for a brief moment. “It’s just work stuff. Nothing to worry about.”

Y/N crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. “Karina… you know you can talk to me, right? You don’t have to carry everything on your own.”

Karina let out a breath, running a hand through her hair. “I know. I just—” She stopped herself, biting her lip. “It’s not that simple.”

Y/N stepped closer, gently taking Karina’s hands in hers. “It doesn’t have to be simple. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together.”

Karina looked at her, conflict swirling in her eyes. “There’s just… a lot going on right now. Work, family stuff—it’s all piling up. I didn’t want to dump it on you.”

Y/N’s grip tightened. “You’re not dumping anything on me. We’re in this together, remember?”

Karina exhaled, her shoulders relaxing just a little. “I know. I’m sorry if I’ve been distant. It’s just been hard to juggle everything lately.”

Y/N nodded, brushing her thumb over Karina’s knuckles. “We’ll get through it. One step at a time.”

For the first time in days, Karina’s smile felt real, not forced. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“You bribed me with coffee,” Y/N said with a playful grin.

Karina laughed softly, the tension in the room finally breaking. “Ah, right. My greatest strategy.”

They settled into dinner, the heaviness of the past few days slowly fading into the background. But even as they laughed and talked, Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something bigger.

And she was ready—whatever it was, she wasn’t going anywhere.

The weekend passed in a blur, but something about Karina still felt… distant. Y/N tried to shake the thought, telling herself that Karina was just stressed. After all, life could get overwhelming sometimes. It didn’t mean anything deeper was wrong.

Still, the feeling lingered, gnawing at her in the quiet moments.

By Monday, the tension between them was subtle but undeniable. Karina seemed present but distracted, and Y/N could feel herself slipping into her own head, overthinking every little thing. That evening, they had plans to grab dinner at a casual restaurant near campus, but the energy between them was noticeably off.

The restaurant buzzed with life—clinking glasses, laughter, and the smell of fresh food—but Y/N felt like she and Karina were in a bubble of silence.

“You okay?” Y/N asked as they waited for their food, her voice careful but steady.

Karina glanced up from her phone, forcing a small smile. “Yeah, why?”

“You just seem… elsewhere lately,” Y/N said, trying not to sound accusatory. “I’m starting to wonder if something’s wrong and you’re not telling me.”

Karina sighed, placing her phone facedown on the table. “It’s not like that. I’m just handling a lot right now. I didn’t want it to spill over into us.”

“But it is,” Y/N said gently. “You don’t have to go through things alone, Karina. I’m right here. If something’s bothering you, I want to know.”

Karina tapped her fingers on the table, eyes flickering with hesitation. “It’s work,” she admitted. “There’s a project I’m involved in, and it’s complicated. There’s pressure from my team, and I feel like no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough.”

Y/N relaxed slightly, relieved that Karina was finally opening up. “Why didn’t you just tell me that from the start?”

“I didn’t want to drag you into my stress,” Karina confessed. “I know you’ve got enough on your plate. The last thing I want is to weigh you down.”

“You’re not weighing me down,” Y/N said firmly. “Relationships are about sharing the load, right? If something’s heavy, we carry it together.”

Karina’s eyes softened, her expression a mix of gratitude and relief. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not easy,” Y/N said with a small laugh. “But you’re worth the effort.”

Their conversation was interrupted when the waiter set their plates down, and the tension seemed to lighten a little more as they dug into their food. Y/N felt like they’d taken a step forward, but she couldn’t help but notice that Karina’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Later that night, Y/N lay in bed, staring at her ceiling. The conversation had gone well—or at least, it had felt like progress—but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more Karina wasn’t saying. Something deeper.

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, pulling her out of her thoughts. She grabbed it, smiling softly when she saw Karina’s name on the screen.

Karina: Thank you for tonight. I really needed that.

Y/N: Always. You know I’m here, right? No matter what.

Karina: I know. Sleep well, baby.

Y/N placed her phone back on the nightstand, her heart warm but still slightly uneasy.

She trusted Karina. But trust didn’t always silence the questions.

The next day, Y/N was on her way to meet Karina for coffee when she spotted her standing outside the café… talking to a tall, sharply dressed woman Y/N didn’t recognize. The woman was leaning in close, her hand resting lightly on Karina’s arm as they spoke in hushed tones.

Y/N’s steps slowed, her stomach twisting.

Who was that?

Karina didn’t notice her at first, too engrossed in the conversation. The woman said something that made Karina laugh—a soft, genuine laugh Y/N hadn’t heard in days.

Y/N cleared her throat as she approached, trying to shake off the sudden spike of jealousy rising in her chest.

“Hey,” she greeted, keeping her voice casual.

Karina’s eyes snapped to her, surprise flashing across her face. “Y/N! Hey, I was just—”

The woman beside her turned, offering Y/N a polite smile. “You must be Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Y/N nodded slowly, studying her. “And you are…?”

“Yujin,” the woman said, extending her hand. “I work with Karina.”

Y/N shook her hand, her smile tight. “Nice to meet you.”

Karina shifted on her feet, her eyes darting between Y/N and Yujin. “Yujin was just filling me in on some project updates. Nothing major.”

“Right,” Yujin said with a chuckle. “Nothing major.”

Y/N didn’t miss the way Yujin’s gaze lingered on Karina for a second too long.

“Well, I’ll let you two catch up,” Yujin said, giving Karina a knowing smile before walking off. “See you tomorrow.”

Y/N watched her leave, her chest tightening.

“She seems… friendly,” Y/N said, her tone carefully neutral.

Karina rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, she’s… helpful. We’ve been working closely on this project. She’s just really involved, that’s all.”

Y/N nodded, trying to push down the doubt bubbling inside her. “Right.”

Karina reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Hey. Don’t overthink it, okay? There’s nothing to worry about.”

Y/N smiled faintly, but the knot in her chest didn’t loosen.

“I’m not worried,” she said softly. But deep down, she wasn’t sure she believed it.

As they walked into the café together, Y/N tried to shake the feeling that something was shifting between them—something she couldn’t quite put her finger on yet.

But one thing was certain: cracks were beginning to form. And sooner or later, those cracks would have to be confronted.

Y/N woke up the next morning feeling heavy, the previous day’s encounter with Yujin replaying over and over in her mind. She tried to dismiss it, telling herself that it was silly to be jealous. Karina had been nothing but honest with her. And yet… something about Yujin didn’t sit right. It wasn’t what was said—it was what wasn’t.

All morning, Y/N’s thoughts lingered on that smile Yujin had given Karina, the familiarity between them. It felt like she was standing on shaky ground, waiting for the cracks beneath her feet to widen.

By the time she met up with Karina for lunch, she’d decided that she needed to talk about it. Not in an accusatory way—just… clear the air.

Karina was already sitting at their usual table in the campus café, scrolling through her phone. When she saw Y/N approach, her face lit up with that familiar smile that had once been enough to calm all of Y/N’s worries.

But not today.

“Hey, you,” Karina greeted, standing to give Y/N a quick hug.

“Hey,” Y/N said, hugging her back before sitting across from her.

They ordered their food, chatting idly about their morning classes, but Y/N could barely focus. The tension in her chest was building, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to push it aside for much longer.

Finally, she took a deep breath. “Karina… can I ask you something?”

Karina set her fork down, tilting her head slightly. “Of course. What’s up?”

“It’s about Yujin,” Y/N said carefully. “I know you said you’ve been working closely with her, but… is there something I should know?”

Karina blinked, her expression unreadable for a moment before she leaned back in her chair. “What do you mean?”

Y/N hesitated. “It’s just… the way she looked at you yesterday. It felt a little more personal than just work. And you seemed caught off guard when I showed up.”

Karina sighed, crossing her arms. “Y/N, there’s nothing going on between me and Yujin. She’s just a colleague. We’ve spent a lot of time together because of this project, and I guess we’ve gotten… close. But not in the way you’re thinking.”

Y/N nodded slowly, trying to absorb her words. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I trust you. It’s just… I’ve seen how people can blur lines when they work together. I guess it made me feel a little insecure.”

Karina leaned forward, resting her hand on Y/N’s. “You have nothing to be insecure about. Yujin is a great coworker, but that’s all she is. You’re the one I want to be with. You’re the one I care about.”

Y/N felt her chest loosen at Karina’s words, but a small part of her still clung to that lingering doubt.

“I believe you,” Y/N said, squeezing Karina’s hand. “I just needed to hear it from you.”

Karina smiled softly. “I get it. And I’ll do better at making sure you feel secure. We’re in this together, okay?”

Y/N nodded, a smile creeping onto her lips. “Okay.”

The following week felt lighter, like they’d turned a corner. Karina was more attentive, texting Y/N throughout the day, making time for little moments just for the two of them. It was exactly what Y/N needed—a reminder that their relationship was strong, built on something real.

But then, one evening, while Y/N was studying in the library, her phone buzzed with a text.

Yujin: Hey, are you free? I need to talk to you about something important.

Y/N froze, staring at the message. Why would Yujin be texting her? They barely knew each other.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard before she finally replied.

Y/N: Sure. What’s up?

Yujin: Can we meet in person? It’s better if we talk face to face.

Y/N’s heart started to race. Something told her that whatever Yujin had to say, it wasn’t going to be good.

Y/N: Okay. Where do you want to meet?

Yujin: The coffee shop on 5th. See you in 20 minutes.

Y/N grabbed her things, her mind spinning with possibilities. What could Yujin possibly want to talk about?

As she walked to the coffee shop, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a turning point—one that could change everything.

When she arrived, Yujin was already there, sitting at a table near the window. She looked up as Y/N walked in, offering a small, almost hesitant smile.

“Thanks for coming,” Yujin said as Y/N sat down across from her.

“Of course,” Y/N said, folding her hands on the table. “What’s going on?”

Yujin took a deep breath, her eyes serious. “I didn’t want to get involved, but… I think you deserve to know the truth about Karina and me.”

Y/N’s blood ran cold.

“What truth?”

Yujin leaned in slightly, her voice low. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together—too much time. And I think… Karina might have feelings for me.”

The words hit Y/N like a punch to the gut.

“She hasn’t said it outright,” Yujin continued, “but the way she looks at me, the way she confides in me… it’s more than just friendship. I thought you should know before it gets any more complicated.”

Y/N sat there, stunned into silence. Her mind screamed that it wasn’t true, that Karina loved her, that Yujin was just reading into things.

But the doubt she’d buried deep inside was back, louder than ever.

“I thought you should know,” Yujin said again, her eyes filled with something that almost looked like pity.

Y/N swallowed hard, trying to steady her voice. “Thanks for telling me.”

She stood up, barely remembering how she got out of the coffee shop, her thoughts a chaotic mess.

Was it true?

Had she been blind to something that was right in front of her?

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was a text from Karina.

Karina: Miss you. Want to grab dinner later?

Y/N stared at the message, her heart aching. She had a choice to make—confront Karina or walk away without knowing the full story.

And for the first time in a long time, Y/N wasn’t sure what the right choice was.

Y/N didn’t reply to Karina’s message. She couldn’t. The weight of Yujin’s words sat in her chest like a stone, suffocating and relentless. The walk back to her apartment felt longer than usual, her thoughts spiraling with questions she didn’t want to answer.

Was Yujin lying? Exaggerating? Or had Y/N truly been naive, ignoring what had been in front of her all along?

Her phone buzzed again. Another text from Karina.

Karina: Everything okay? You’ve been quiet.

Y/N stared at the screen, her thumb hovering over the keyboard. She could just brush it off, pretend everything was fine. But she couldn’t shake the echo of Yujin’s voice. “I think Karina might have feelings for me.”

Instead of replying, Y/N shoved her phone into her pocket and locked her door behind her, sinking onto the couch. Her mind played through every interaction Karina had ever had with Yujin, searching for signs—something she’d missed.

Her breath hitched. There were moments. Fleeting, almost insignificant, but in hindsight… they felt different now. The late nights Karina spent with Yujin at the library. The way Karina’s face lit up when Yujin walked into the room.

Y/N pressed her hands to her face, trying to push the thoughts away, but it was useless.

Hours passed, the sun dipping below the horizon, casting her apartment in shadows. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore.

She needed answers.

Her fingers trembled as she typed out a message.

Y/N: Can we talk?

The response came almost immediately.

Karina: Of course. I’ll come over.

It didn’t take long for Karina to arrive. The moment Y/N opened the door, Karina’s face lit up with that familiar warmth. But Y/N couldn’t return the smile.

“Hey,” Karina said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. “Is everything okay? You seem off.”

Y/N crossed her arms, leaning against the wall. “I ran into Yujin today.”

Karina blinked, her smile fading. “Oh?”

“She said some interesting things.” Y/N’s voice was calm, but there was an edge to it that she couldn’t hide. “She told me I deserve to know the truth. About you and her.”

Karina’s eyes widened, her posture stiffening. “Y/N—”

“She said you might have feelings for her,” Y/N continued, cutting Karina off. “That the way you look at her, the way you confide in her… it’s more than just friendship.”

The silence that followed was suffocating.

Karina opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. That hesitation—that split second of silence—felt like confirmation.

Y/N’s heart broke a little more.

“Is it true?” Y/N asked, her voice barely a whisper. “Do you have feelings for her?”

“No,” Karina said quickly, stepping closer. “It’s not like that. Yujin’s misunderstanding everything. I care about her as a friend, but that’s all. I swear.”

“But she thinks it’s more,” Y/N said bitterly. “Why would she say that if there wasn’t something there? Even just a hint?”

Karina ran a hand through her hair, frustration evident on her face. “I don’t know. Maybe she misinterpreted our closeness. We’ve spent a lot of time together because of the project, but I never gave her a reason to think there was something more.”

Y/N felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “I don’t know if I can believe you.”

Karina’s face crumbled. “Y/N, please… you have to trust me. You’re the one I love. You’re the one I want to be with. Yujin is just a colleague—nothing more.”

“I want to believe you,” Y/N whispered, her voice cracking. “But right now… I don’t know how to.”

Karina reached for Y/N’s hand, but Y/N pulled back, stepping away. The distance between them felt like a chasm, one neither of them knew how to cross.

“I need some time,” Y/N said quietly. “I can’t think straight right now.”

Karina’s eyes filled with pain, but she nodded. “Okay. Take the time you need. But please… don’t shut me out completely.”

Y/N didn’t respond. She just opened the door, silently asking Karina to leave.

Karina hesitated for a moment, her eyes searching Y/N’s face, before stepping out into the hallway.

“I’m not giving up on us,” Karina said, her voice steady despite the sadness in her eyes. “No matter what.”

Y/N closed the door softly, leaning her forehead against it as soon as it clicked shut.

Her chest felt hollow, her mind a storm of conflicting emotions. She wanted to believe Karina. She wanted to forget Yujin’s words and pretend everything was fine.

But doubt had already taken root, and it wasn’t letting go.

For the first time in her relationship with Karina, Y/N felt like she was standing on the edge of something fragile, something that could break at any moment.

And she wasn’t sure if they would survive the fall.

The days that followed were filled with silence—long stretches of uncertainty that clung to Y/N like a second skin. She kept telling herself she needed time, space to think things through, but every passing minute felt like it was pulling her further from Karina.

Karina’s messages continued to light up her phone, each one more desperate than the last.

Karina: Can we talk?

Karina: Please, Y/N, just tell me what you’re thinking.

Karina: I miss you. I’m scared I’m losing you.

Y/N read each one but never responded. She wasn’t ready—not while Yujin’s voice still echoed in her mind.

Yujin wasn’t done either. Her manipulation was a slow, deliberate poison, seeping into every crack she could find. She played her part flawlessly, twisting the truth to her advantage.

She made sure to be around Karina constantly, using their project as the perfect excuse. She acted supportive, compassionate, always there to offer a shoulder to lean on when Karina seemed worn down.

“You okay?” Yujin asked one evening, sitting next to Karina in the campus lounge, their laptops open but forgotten.

Karina sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Not really. Things with Y/N… it’s complicated.”

Yujin tilted her head, her expression laced with feigned concern. “She hasn’t been talking to you?”

“Barely,” Karina admitted, her voice tight. “She said she needed time, but it’s been days. I don’t know what to do.”

Yujin bit her lip, pretending to hesitate. “Maybe she’s struggling with something deeper. Maybe she’s… scared it won’t work.” She paused for dramatic effect before adding, “Or maybe she’s worried because she feels like you’ve changed. Like… you’re not as sure about her anymore.”

Karina frowned. “Why would she think that?”

Yujin offered a small, apologetic smile. “She told me once she felt like she wasn’t enough for you. I think she’s been holding onto that fear. And with how much time we’ve been spending together… maybe she thinks you’re realizing it too.”

Karina’s eyes darkened with guilt. “No. That’s not true. Y/N’s everything to me. I’ve never doubted us.”

“I know,” Yujin said softly, placing a hand on Karina’s arm. “But sometimes, even when we don’t mean to, we give people reasons to doubt.”

The seed was planted—carefully buried in Karina’s mind, just as it had been in Y/N’s.

The next day, Yujin made sure to reach out to Y/N again.

Yujin: Hey, just checking in. I saw Karina today. She’s been really quiet lately. I think she’s struggling with what she wants.

Y/N: Did she say that?

Yujin: Not exactly… but it’s obvious. I think she’s trying to protect your feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt you.

Y/N’s hands trembled as she read the message. She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Yujin had a way of speaking that made every lie sound like the truth.

Her mind spiraled back to the conversation she had with Karina—the hesitation in Karina’s voice, the way she hadn’t immediately denied Yujin’s claim. Maybe Karina really was struggling with her feelings. Maybe Yujin wasn’t lying after all.

Hours later, Karina showed up at Y/N’s door unannounced. Her face was pale, her eyes filled with a raw mix of exhaustion and sadness.

“I couldn’t stay away,” Karina said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I need to know where we stand.”

Y/N crossed her arms, her throat tightening. “Where do we stand, Karina? Because I don’t know anymore. You tell me one thing, and Yujin tells me something else. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions, and I don’t know which one to trust.”

Karina’s eyes flashed with anger. “Yujin’s lying to you.”

“Is she?” Y/N shot back, her voice sharp. “Because she seems pretty convinced that you’re unsure about us. That you’ve been confiding in her about things you can’t tell me.”

“I haven’t!” Karina’s frustration boiled over. “Yujin’s twisting everything. She’s manipulating you, Y/N. You’ve known me longer than her—how can you believe her over me?”

“Because I’m scared!” Y/N yelled, the words tearing from her throat. “I’m scared that there’s some truth in what she’s saying. I’m scared that you’ll wake up one day and realize she’s everything you want, and I’m just the person you settled for.”

Karina’s expression shattered, pain written all over her face. “No. No, Y/N, you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. I love you.”

Y/N’s eyes stung with unshed tears. “Then why does it feel like I’m losing you?”

Karina stepped closer, her voice trembling. “You’re not losing me. But if we let Yujin get between us, if we let her lies destroy what we have, we’ll both lose. Please… trust me.”

Y/N wanted to. God, she wanted to believe Karina with everything she had. But the doubt was still there, a lingering shadow she couldn’t shake.

“I don’t know if I can,” Y/N whispered, her voice breaking. “Not right now.”

Karina nodded slowly, swallowing back her own tears. “Then I’ll wait. For as long as it takes. I’ll prove to you that what we have is real. That it’s worth fighting for.”

Y/N watched her go, the sound of the door closing echoing through the apartment like a final note in a tragic symphony.

She sank onto the couch, her heart in pieces. Part of her wanted to chase after Karina, to beg her to stay. But the other part—the part still poisoned by Yujin’s lies—held her back.

And in that moment, Y/N wasn’t sure which part would win.

The distance between Y/N and Karina grew like a canyon—too wide, too deep. Days turned into a blur of silence, and with each one that passed, Y/N felt the weight of everything they hadn’t said suffocating her.

Karina hadn’t messaged since their last conversation, and for once, Y/N was thankful. Every time her phone lit up, she half-expected to see Yujin’s name again, feeding her another dose of doubt. But it didn’t come. Not yet. The quiet was its own kind of torture.

Y/N walked around campus in a daze, pretending she was fine, but her chest felt heavy, and her head swirled with conflicting thoughts. Every corner she turned, she felt like she’d run into Karina—or worse, Karina and Yujin together.

When it finally happened, it hit harder than Y/N had imagined.

They were in the library, sitting side by side at a table near the window. Karina’s head was bent over her laptop, strands of her dark hair falling into her face. Yujin leaned in, close enough that their shoulders touched, saying something that made Karina smile faintly.

The sight twisted in Y/N’s stomach like a knife.

Before she could think it through, she walked toward them. Her footsteps felt heavier with every step, her heart slamming against her ribs.

“Karina,” Y/N said, her voice steady despite the storm in her chest.

Karina’s head snapped up, her eyes widening in surprise. “Y/N.”

Yujin leaned back casually, her gaze shifting between them. “Oh, hey, Y/N. You finally decided to join us.”

“Can we talk?” Y/N asked, ignoring Yujin.

Karina hesitated, glancing at Yujin. The pause was barely noticeable, but it sent a sharp pang through Y/N’s chest.

“Of course,” Karina said, closing her laptop.

They stepped outside, the cold air biting against Y/N’s skin. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Karina stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets, watching Y/N with cautious eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Y/N said, her voice raw. “I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with you spending all this time with her.”

Karina’s brows furrowed. “It’s work, Y/N. You know that.”

“No,” Y/N snapped, her voice rising. “It’s not just work. She’s been feeding me lies—telling me you’re unsure about us, that you have feelings for her. And then I see you with her, and it’s like… maybe she’s right.”

Karina stepped forward, her voice laced with frustration. “She’s not right. Y/N, I’ve told you before—Yujin’s lying to you. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because she says it so convincingly!” Y/N’s voice cracked, her eyes burning. “And I don’t know what’s real anymore. Every time I see you with her, I feel like I’m losing you piece by piece, and it’s killing me.”

Karina’s face softened, her anger melting into something far more painful. “You’re not losing me. Y/N, you’ve never lost me. Yujin is trying to tear us apart because she wants me for herself, but I don’t want her. I’ve never wanted her. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

Y/N swallowed hard, her throat tightening. “Then why does it feel like I’m fighting for something that’s already slipping through my fingers?”

“Because she’s made you believe that,” Karina whispered, stepping even closer. Her voice trembled as she spoke. “But I’m still here, Y/N. I haven’t gone anywhere. And I won’t, unless you push me away.”

Y/N’s breath hitched, tears brimming in her eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Karina said softly, her hand reaching for Y/N’s. “But we’re stronger than this. We’ve been through so much together. Don’t let her win. Don’t let her take this from us.”

Y/N stared at Karina’s hand in hers, her pulse racing. For the first time in days, she felt a sliver of clarity—a reminder of everything they had built, everything they had fought for.

But before she could say anything, the door behind them opened, and Yujin stepped out, her eyes glinting with something dark and unreadable.

“Is everything okay?” Yujin asked, feigning concern, though the slight smirk on her face betrayed her intentions.

Y/N’s grip on Karina’s hand tightened. She turned to Yujin, her voice cold. “Actually, no. It’s not.”

Karina straightened beside her, her eyes blazing. “Yujin, we need to talk. Alone.”

For the first time, Yujin’s confident mask faltered.

Y/N crossed her arms, her gaze unwavering. “Yeah, we do. Because it’s time we clear a few things up.”

And just like that, the battle lines were drawn, the air thick with tension. Y/N wasn’t sure where this conversation would lead, but one thing was certain: she was done letting Yujin pull the strings.

It was time to take back control—before it was too late.

The tension in the air was suffocating as Karina and Yujin stood face to face outside the library. Y/N lingered by the door, her heart pounding, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She had trusted Karina to handle this, but the fear of what Yujin might say still clung to her like a shadow.

Karina’s eyes were sharp, her jaw set. “We need to talk—now. No more games, Yujin.”

Yujin tilted her head, her lips curling into a slow, practiced smile. “Games? I think you’re being a bit dramatic. I was just trying to protect you, Karina. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

Karina’s expression hardened. “Protect me? You’ve been lying to Y/N. Telling her things you know aren’t true. You’ve been trying to push us apart.”

Yujin crossed her arms, her confidence unwavering. “And why would I do that? What could I possibly gain from it?”

Karina scoffed. “Don’t act innocent. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’ve always been good at manipulating people, twisting things until they break.”

Y/N clenched her fists, stepping forward. Her voice was low but steady, carrying a weight that made Yujin falter for just a second. “You told me Karina had feelings for you, that she was confused. You made me doubt her—doubt us. And for what? To get what you want?”

Yujin’s smirk flickered, her eyes narrowing. “I only told you what I thought you needed to hear. If you were so quick to believe it, maybe that says more about your relationship than it does about me.”

The words hit like a slap to the face, leaving Y/N breathless. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to stay grounded. “Don’t twist this around. You wanted me to walk away from her. You made it sound like I was holding her back, like she’d be better off with you.”

“And maybe she would be,” Yujin said smoothly, her voice dropping into something almost tender. “Think about it, Y/N. You’ve been doubting her for weeks now. Isn’t that exhausting? Isn’t it easier to just… let go?”

Karina stepped between them, her voice shaking with anger. “Enough, Yujin. I love her. I’ve always loved her. Nothing you say is going to change that.”

Yujin’s smile faltered, the mask slipping just enough to reveal a flicker of hurt. For the first time, her confidence wavered. “I was just trying to show you what you could have, Karina. Someone who understands your world, who won’t hold you back.”

Karina’s eyes blazed. “What I want is Y/N. And I’ll fight for her, no matter how hard you try to come between us.”

Yujin opened her mouth to respond, but Y/N stepped in, her voice sharp. “You’ve done enough damage. Stay out of our lives, Yujin. I won’t let you poison this anymore.”

The silence that followed was deafening, the weight of the confrontation settling around them like heavy fog. Yujin’s face twisted in frustration, her eyes flicking between Y/N and Karina before she turned on her heel and disappeared into the crowd.

Karina let out a shaky breath, her shoulders sagging with the release of tension. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I should’ve seen what she was doing sooner. I should’ve protected you from this.”

Y/N shook her head, her throat tight. “It’s not your fault. I should’ve trusted you more. I let her get inside my head.”

Karina stepped closer, cupping Y/N’s face gently, her eyes filled with regret. “We’ve both made mistakes. But I don’t want to lose you—not over her, not over anything.”

Y/N felt the tears spill over, but she didn’t pull away. “You won’t. I’m still here.”

Karina leaned her forehead against Y/N’s, her voice barely a whisper. “Promise me we’ll fight for this. For us.”

Y/N closed her eyes, nodding slowly. “I promise.”

They stood like that for a long moment, clinging to each other as if the world could crumble around them at any second. The storm wasn’t over—not by a long shot. But for the first time in what felt like forever, Y/N felt steady, anchored by Karina’s unwavering presence.

Whatever came next, they would face it together.

And this time, they wouldn’t let anyone tear them apart.

The aftermath of Yujin’s lies wasn’t the dramatic explosion Y/N expected. It wasn’t some sudden, clean resolution. Instead, it was an unrelenting ache—one that seeped into everything she did, coloring every word she spoke to Karina and every glance they exchanged.

It had been days since the confrontation with Yujin. Days since the air between Y/N and Karina had shifted into something heavy and unfamiliar. There were no more accusations or harsh words, but there also wasn’t the same ease that used to come naturally between them. Their conversations were polite but guarded, their touches cautious.

Y/N felt like she was walking a tightrope, afraid to say the wrong thing and break whatever fragile peace they had left. And every time Karina’s phone buzzed, her stomach twisted into knots. Even though Yujin was no longer in the picture, the damage she left behind lingered.

It’s not like I can undo it, Y/N thought bitterly one night as she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. I can’t unhear what she said. I can’t forget the way she made me feel.

The worst part wasn’t that Yujin had lied. It was that some part of Y/N believed her. Believed that maybe, just maybe, Karina deserved something better. Something easier.

The next evening, Y/N decided she couldn’t sit with her thoughts anymore. She needed to see Karina—to talk to her before the doubts consumed her entirely. She grabbed her jacket and left without even thinking to check the weather. The rain started halfway to Karina’s place, soaking through her clothes, but she didn’t care. She needed answers more than she needed to stay dry.

When Karina opened the door and saw Y/N standing there, dripping wet, her eyes immediately filled with concern. “Y/N? What are you doing here? You’re soaked!”

“I couldn’t stay home,” Y/N said, her voice barely steady as she stepped inside. “I’ve been going out of my mind, Karina. I need to talk to you.”

Karina shut the door behind her, worry etched into her face. “Of course. Come here.” She reached for Y/N’s arm, guiding her to the couch and wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. “You’re freezing.”

Y/N sat down but didn’t relax. Her eyes stayed fixed on the floor, her fingers clutching the blanket. “I thought I was okay after what happened with Yujin. I thought once she was out of the picture, things would go back to normal.” She paused, her voice dropping to a whisper. “But they haven’t.”

Karina sat beside her, her heart sinking at the pain in Y/N’s voice. “I know,” she admitted softly. “I feel it too.”

Y/N glanced at her, startled by the confession. “You do?”

Karina nodded, folding her hands together. “I thought if we just moved on, if we didn’t talk about it too much, things would fix themselves. But… I’ve been scared too. Yujin’s words got to me, Y/N. Not because I believed her, but because she made me realize how fragile this feels sometimes. I hate that she planted those doubts in your head. I hate that she made you question us.”

Y/N blinked back tears, her voice cracking. “She didn’t just plant doubts, Karina. She made me believe that I’m not enough for you. That one day, you’ll wake up and realize it’s easier to be with someone like her—someone who understands your world without needing you to explain it.”

Karina’s breath hitched. “No. Don’t say that. That’s not true, Y/N. It’s never been true.” She reached for Y/N’s hand, holding it tightly. “You’re not just enough for me—you’re everything to me. Do you hear me? Everything.”

“But what if I can’t shake it?” Y/N whispered, her eyes filled with uncertainty. “What if this feeling never goes away?”

Karina’s throat tightened, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. She cupped Y/N’s face, her touch firm yet tender. “Then we fight it. Together. Every day, if we have to. I don’t care how long it takes—I’m not letting you go because of something Yujin said.”

Y/N’s breath hitched as she leaned into Karina’s touch. “I want to believe that. I want us to be stronger, but it’s so hard. It feels like… like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Karina nodded slowly, her own fears surfacing. “I know. I feel that too sometimes. But we have to trust each other. We can’t let someone like Yujin take that from us. I love you, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care how messy or complicated this gets—we’ll figure it out.”

The words settled into Y/N’s chest, soothing but not erasing the ache completely. Still, they felt like a lifeline, something to hold onto in the storm. She nodded, swallowing hard. “Okay. No more pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. No more running from this.”

Karina smiled through her tears, pressing a soft kiss to Y/N’s forehead. “No more running.”

The rain continued to fall outside, the sound filling the quiet spaces between their words. They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time, the tension slowly ebbing away, replaced by something more fragile but no less real—hope.

It wouldn’t be easy. The wounds Yujin left wouldn’t heal overnight, and the shadows of doubt would linger for a while. But they were still here. Still holding on. Still fighting.

And for now, that was enough.

But deep down, they both knew this wasn’t the end of the storm. It was only the beginning of learning how to weather it together.

The following days were a delicate dance—filled with cautious words and fleeting touches that left Y/N feeling more disconnected from Karina than ever before. Even though they had agreed to face things together, there was an invisible wall between them, one neither dared to fully acknowledge yet.

Y/N spent most of her time at her own place, giving herself space to breathe, to think. But thinking only made things worse.

Trust her, Y/N reminded herself repeatedly. She loves you. She chose you.

Yet Yujin’s words had left a permanent scar on her thoughts, looping over and over like a haunting refrain.

The silence between texts grew longer. The once-effortless conversations felt forced, every word weighed down with unspoken tension. Y/N told herself it was just a phase, something they’d push through—but deep down, the doubt clawed at her.

It all came to a head one cold evening when Y/N found herself outside Karina’s apartment, heart racing and fingers trembling. She hadn’t planned to come—her feet had carried her there before her brain could catch up. I just need to see her, she thought. Maybe that’ll make it better.

Karina opened the door, surprised but smiling softly. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Hey,” Y/N replied, her voice tight. “I… I needed to see you.”

Karina stepped aside, letting her in. The warmth of the apartment contrasted sharply with the icy air outside, but it did little to ease Y/N’s nerves.

They stood there for a moment, the tension thick between them.

Karina broke the silence first. “Do you want some tea or something?”

Y/N shook her head. “No, I just… I need to talk to you.”

Karina nodded slowly, her expression shifting into something more serious. She gestured to the couch, and they both sat down, the space between them feeling vast despite the proximity.

“What’s on your mind?” Karina asked gently, but Y/N could see the worry in her eyes.

Y/N took a deep breath, forcing herself to meet Karina’s gaze. “I thought I was okay. I thought we could push past what happened with Yujin, but… I’m struggling. I hate admitting that, but it’s true.”

Karina’s brow furrowed. “I know. I’ve been feeling it too. But we’ll get through it, Y/N. We’ve already talked about this.”

“I know we talked about it,” Y/N said, her voice rising slightly. “But talking doesn’t magically make it go away. I still feel like I’m constantly second-guessing everything—every time you’re late to reply, every time you say you’re busy with work, I can’t help but wonder…”

“Wonder what?” Karina asked, her voice quieter now, almost trembling.

“If you’re having second thoughts,” Y/N whispered. “If she was right. If deep down, part of you realizes I’m not the right person for you.”

Karina’s face fell, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Y/N… no. That’s not true. How many times do I have to tell you that? I’m with you because I love you. Not her. Never her.”

“I want to believe that,” Y/N said, her voice cracking. “I really do. But you don’t know what it’s like to live with that voice in your head constantly telling you you’re not enough. And now, thanks to Yujin, that voice is louder than ever.”

Karina reached for Y/N’s hand, gripping it tightly. “Then let me help you silence that voice. You’re not in this alone, Y/N. You never have been.”

Y/N looked down at their intertwined hands, tears blurring her vision. “I’m scared, Karina. I’m scared this is going to break us. I’m scared I’ll never stop feeling like this.”

Karina’s voice shook with emotion as she spoke. “I’m scared too. But if we let that fear control us, we’re giving Yujin exactly what she wanted. We can’t let her win, Y/N. We can’t let her take away what we have.”

Y/N nodded, biting her lip to hold back a sob. “I just… I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.”

Karina leaned closer, her forehead resting against Y/N’s. “We’ll figure it out. Even if it takes time. Even if we stumble along the way. You’re worth it to me, Y/N. Every messy, complicated part of this is worth it.”

For the first time in days, Y/N felt a glimmer of hope pierce through the darkness. She wrapped her arms around Karina, holding onto her like she was the only thing keeping her grounded.

Karina’s fingers stroked her hair softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “We’re not perfect. But we don’t have to be. We just have to keep choosing each other. No matter how hard it gets.”

The tears finally spilled over as Y/N buried her face in Karina’s shoulder. It wasn’t a solution. It wasn’t an instant fix. But it was something—a promise to try, to fight for what they had, even when it felt impossible.

They stayed like that for a long time, tangled together on the couch as the city buzzed quietly outside the window.

It wasn’t the ending Y/N had hoped for. But it wasn’t an ending at all. It was just another step—painful, messy, but real.

And for now, that was enough.

[ruershrimo]

I’m not in love, so don’t forget it- jason todd x reader

Jason never got to visit playgrounds very much. Growing up, he’d been spending time doing everything but, all to make ends meet enough for him to keep his head afloat— until he’d got past that age, tried to get tires from a car, and then ended up in a casket with fumes heavy in his lungs and slight body. By the time he fully awoke, he’d been too consumed by a drive for revenge to do so.

He supposes it’s worth it, though. There’s the sight of your smile as you stand on the swings, elated like a child with candy. It’s late at night— the time period between an embrace and a brief exchange of ‘goodnight’s, right before he wears his helmet, scarlet and metallic like blood from a fresh wound. When you’d first seen him don his Red Hood gear, you’d told him it was a noble thing, whatever he was doing. And at that time, he would have said yes if not for your smile holding him back, a balance with his morals and their contradictions on either side, both a part of him, and both amplified around you.

You’re too good to him, he thinks, and he wonders if he deserves having you in his life. Watching him watch you, you propel yourself forward on the swing before leaning back to continue. Like this, he wonders if you can see your reflection through his eyes, or if they’re stuck there with nothing to show you like amber trapped in resin. Like this, you wonder if he’ll ever understand that you’re grateful enough to have a full view of his eyes at all.

Here’s the thing, though: Jason and you are just friends. At least, the two of you think you are, though not quite.

The two of you had met after he saved you one night, and you’d kept trying to return the favour in any way ever since.

He may not care about you— you don’t know if he does, but to you, there’s something kind in his eyes, something gentle in the way he holds things as he would a child’s tiny wrist, something warm in his voice when he speaks. You hope he never leaves you.

But to him, there’s nothing he’s cared for more. There was never a debt you owed him or needed to settle— whatever he did for you, he was doing it as part of a mission— and he doesn’t remember when this happened, with no traces of when this development started, yet you’ve become his lifeblood in some way.

He had his injuries patched up at your apartment before. His blood drained out of him in rivulets, his body curled into itself and crumpled like a rag soaked in and dripping with dirty tap water, besmirching the pristine sofa and the spotless carpet floor. He thought himself a broken faucet. The whole time, you kept a towel under him, brought damp cloth to add pressure to his wounds, dressed them with expert adroitness, almost as if you were shielding him somehow. As he was blanketed by his bandages, you’d asked about his day, about the book he was reading, about how life was treating him. You held his hand the entire time, ran your fingers and the skin of your palm against his callouses as if they were mountains you could cross for his sake and that doing so came easily to you. You stayed by his side the entire night, and when he woke up the next day, you were still there.

You stand on the swing seat again. Jason is warned to catch you, else you’d lose your balance and fall face into the solid ground floor. Not everyone’s a crime-fighting vigilante with near-superhuman levels of physical ability, after all. When he does, he sweeps your hair out of your face. You want to catch it and take hold of his hand, so quickly and so intensely, until he’s filled with your presence. Until you’re not the only thing he knows but the only thing he remembers, at least for a little while.

The thing about Gotham is that the weather sucks nearly all year round. Even in summer— with the new season comes sweltering heat, horrible levels of humidity and days spent in the claggy heat driving out of the city for vacation. At night, the breeze awakens, passively making its way around the cramped lots and housing areas in Crime Alley and the Bowery, the rebarbatively uniform apartments in Midtown, all the way down to the waves crashing into Gotham Harbour. It’s a bustling city, filled with pollution of all sorts, people sequestered from each other by social status, and modern lights added onto old buildings in an effort to stand out in the night, but it’s home. And yet no matter how long it’s been here, there’s still sweat gathering on his brow when summer rolls around, even in the night when the weather is chillier.

Every time you notice it, you take something— a handkerchief, the fabric of your jacket, your fingers— and wipe it off. “It must be uncomfortable,” you usually say.

He wants you to be comfortable: are you comfortable? Do you feel safe? He fears as if he does too little to repay you sometimes, too much taking and not enough giving. Like him, you think that there was never anything he had to repay you for.

He wants to give you everything he can: to let you have everything you’d like to have, even if you may not ask for much in the end. Anything that made you happy— he’d do it a thousand times over for your smile.

When you inevitably fall forward from the swing, he catches you and you feel the sweat on his chest as it touches yours. You sense his hand cradling the back of your head, fingers tangled within the strands and intertwined like they do for prayer stances. All that you see in his eyes are his honeyed brown hues and that’s all you’ve ever wanted to see. All he sees in yours are pupils widening with a shallowing of your breaths, something deep-seated in them he doesn’t dare to decipher yet, but he knows that it’s with you he wants to stay.

“Are you okay?” you ask breathlessly. There’s something about uncertainty that only strengthens any emotion you want to subdue. You don’t know how long he’s going to stay, how long until he’s going to leave; that makes you all the more pathetically desperate to stay locked in such a tight embrace, despite the sweat and the heat and the depressive atmosphere that clouds around Gotham every waking moment.

“Yeah,” he replies softly. He wants to stay with you forever, so he won’t let go— the only way he could bring himself to let go was if you expressed that you were uncomfortable. Then he’d pull away immediately. “Should I continue—?”

“Okay.”

It would be nice to have the moonlight shining above you, and yet all the two of you have are the harsh city lights obscuring the stars in the horizon, and the old-timey street lamps constructed more than a dozen decades ago: the city remains bleak, yet not one inch of it is entrenched in darkness. In the distance the hum of silence drifts through the air; the city never sleeps and yet everyone is so quiet that it sounds like so anyway. There’s the ever-present stench in Gotham along with his sweat and the clinical scent of his multi-use body soap creating a mix you’d step away from any other night.

Neither of you knows how the other feels— that’s a sure fact. These feelings are troublesome; a tightrope walk with a blindfold on and no clear destination on the other side. If it’s love, it scares you. The word itself is easy to throw around, for you to say that you love your bed, or for him to say that he loves his books. Crushes can come to either of you easily, and yet it’s different this time; not as simple as with other people. Yet still, whatever you feel, there’s a thumping in your heart and an uneasiness in your stomach when the two of you are like this, nerve-wracking and wild, driving your feelings out of control to an insane degree.

But this is nice. You like it, if only for being able to swing like a child again, or to have someone come around and stay.

If only he knew if you felt the same way he did— then he’d stay, over and over again, and he’d bring you here or anywhere else you’d want to go on your nostalgia-fueled adventures and hold you like this every night, any time you wanted it. You and him are a snug fit, like jigsaw puzzle pieces latched onto each other.

“I like this,” you whisper.

“Yeah?” he goes, “Me too.”

“You’ve got to patrol soon, right?”

“...it can wait.”

Neither of you let go.

this is probably the only time I’ll post dc x reader on tumblr haha. title taken from “I’m Not in Love” by 10cc just because I was listening to it while writing

[will-bonna]

spearmaster + violet sea slug !

the gills can be molded and pulled from their tail to create needles… it makes a gross sound

here’s the slug reference:3

[corallapis]

[nox-in-a-box]

The look. The. Look.

[chosetherose]

I love you I’m sorry x last kiss

+

the tortured poets department x maroon

These all fit into the theme of burning it down then ditching the fans that won’t support her. Don’t forget this alternative definition of maroon:

[suigetsusunny]

@soprawrites 😽😽 it’s based off of that one shinji art with aizen where he’s got long hair and his pulling up his haori

just a little sketch nothing too much but i hope u like it💕💕

[smalltimidbean]

Since a few other people have been suggesting Peppino clones, is it ok if I make a suggestion? If it is, then I think a plantpino with Belladonna (Otherwise known as Deadly Nightshade) DNA would be really cool!

I need even more clones, apparently (silly) - But really totally cool to suggest them to me! I love making the silly guys hehe

They kinda turned into a Pepp-emo clone as well as a Plantpino... Yeah, there is nothing I can do sorry (silly)

[orcelito]

Getting ready for bed now. Ended up taking no nap. Realized that I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep over the past 58 hours. Which is not recommended.

Also realized upon taking them off that id been wearing my glasses for Most of the past 23 ish hours. Maybe closer to 22 hours (for shower and such). My ear kinda stung a lil when I took it off. Which made me realize how long I'd been wearing them but ALSO the fact that they HAVENT been hurting my ears in daily wear. For a while there, wearing them for too long would make my ears Hurt. Hell, I literally ended up getting scabs on my nose where they rested. But it seems like my body has been adjusting to them... it is accepting that we are a glasses wearer now... this is a marvelous realization

[problemcore]

ahem. im ok now . goodnight

[silverselfshippingchaos]

i miss f.elix!!

[cottageivy]

my brain has just been mush the past few days, i’ve only had room for making infants in cas, but i might try and do some oc work tomorrow

[stllmnstr]

OK drabble idea sim jaeyun rich girl + poor boy in like post-ww2 or any struggling setting you'd like

POSTEDDDD :D It's 3k and it's lots of fun, I think. It ended up as poor commoner sim jaeyun x rich princess oc in a historical kingdom. hope you love it <33

[reignpage]

Lying To Himself

Content: in which toji is left alone and how he deals with your temporary absence

You have to leave for two weeks, something about a mission in another city. Your boyfriend, Toji, swears it'll be okay, even insists that time will pass by in a blink of an eye. 

“‘m not a fucking child, ma. I’ll be fine. Just take care, yeah?”

And so, you peck him on his lips and wave goodbye before you get in the car. Then you’re disappearing in the distance. Toji shrugs, going back in feeling pretty excited to have the house to himself for two weeks — this has never happened before. As he sits on the couch, bottle of beer in one hand and tv remote on the other, he thinks about all the things he can do now.

The toilet seat can stay up, the bins will be full for longer, same goes for the dirty dishes in the sink, and he can watch whatever he wants; no more of those sappy romcoms with predictable plots and cheesy lines. 

“’s gonna be fun,” he mutters, a growing grin on his face. 

A couple days pass in relative silence, he stays out late, sleeps till noon and eats all the junk you’ve banned from the house. Toji cooks all the steak he wants and leaves the beer bottles to collect dust on the coffee table. And he accepts every invitation from his buddies to go out for drinks, watch basketball at the bar, and plays a couple games too.

He stays up all night, on the evenings he's not getting stupid drunk, playing videogames -- the violent ones you cringe at. During the day, he walks around the place in just his boxers, sometimes not even that, and it's liberating. All a man needs is to be free to be balls naked in their own kitchen.

"You're not missing her at all?" Shiu asks, smoke blowing in his face as they stand in the back alley, leaning against the wall of the bar.

Toji snorts. "What am I? Five years old? I can last a couple weeks without being sappy."

His friend gives him a look, half amused, half disbelieving and a hundred percent smug. None of them miss the death grip he has on his phone, the way his knee is bouncing, and how he isn't even looking at the hot chicks that sway their asses as they walk by.

It’s been great. Really fucking great. 

You haven’t been texting much. Sure, you check in here and there, letting him know you’re alright, you’re safe, and making sure he’s watered your plants. However, there are rarely any opportunities for phone calls longer than five minutes, no FaceTime either, and sometimes he goes to sleep without a ‘goodnight’ from you. 

It’s fine. 

At least, he can sleep at whatever time he wants without you whining about needing cuddles.

More days pass just like that. 

And now he’s rarely leaving the house, finding his drunk friends boring and obnoxiously loud. It’s like he's suddenly realised they’re kinda fucking stupid. He starts to get sick of all the steak and fried chicken and takeaway, and instead he’ll text you for the recipe of your lasagne or that smoothie you make him in the mornings that’s always greener than the last. 

His feet tap on the floor when you don’t reply straight away. And when his phone lights up, he practically dives for it and grips it tight in his palm, screen threatening to crack when it’s not from you. 

“God fucking dammit, Shiu. Don’t fucking talk to me if it’s not important.”

The movies he’s been dying to watch are pretty shit. There’s no depth, no proper pacing, and the dialogue’s cheesy as fuck. Usually, you’d throw popcorn at the screen and complain about all those things, but he finds that he has to mutter them to himself for white noise. Even smirks when he thinks he got it exactly right, guessing what you’d say as if you’re yapping right in his ear. 

“She’d totally find that shit stupid. And that blood looks fake as fuck. What was the fucking budget for this shit?”

Most of the phone calls on his history log are from him, more reds than greens. What the fuck have they got you doing over there anyways? 

When you do reply to his ‘g’night’ and ‘hey, sleep well?’, he’ll have a go at you for taking so damn long. It’s just fucking ridiculous that you’re clearly sleeping well when he has to hit the gym and tire himself out to even get an hour of shut eye nowadays. Sometimes, he can’t even get any and he just paces the length of the living room waiting for a notification from you to pop up. 

“Fucking come on! Y'r phone better be dead or something.”

Toji hates having dinner on the table; the seat opposite him is empty, the placemat bare and he feels a freaky fucking soreness in his chest. When that happens, he never finishes his dinner. Must be a symptom of early heart disease. Gotta talk to the doctors about that. 

Instead, he eats on the sofa or in his car.

Eventually, you find time to speak to him for an hour, recounting all the crazy things you’ve seen and had to do. He doesn’t interrupt, he just grunts here and there, not even really listening but he urges you to keep talking when there’s a pause, like you’re unsure if you’re talking too much. And when you try to turn the conversation on him, asking about his day, he gives one word answers and then throws you another question. 

“Yeah?” He grunts. “What else? Speak up, ma. Wanna hear ya. D’ya go to that shop? Yeah? Y’ buy anything? Send me a picture.”

He gets two nights of decent sleep after that.

But then…

The guys at work know better than to open their fat mouths around him when he turns up with an extra wrinkle and a ticking in his jaw. Toji is somehow even more sadistic and violent and eager for blood. Even finally accepts their invitation to go out for drinks and drowns himself in the extra strong shit. Assuming he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, they don’t question his sour mood. 

But what they don’t know is that you texted, just a day before you’re set to come back, to let him know you’re staying another week. 

Fucking texted. 

Didn’t even get to hear it from your own voice. 

He buries himself in more work and stays at the gym for even longer, pushing his body so far, his mind quiets down and he don’t gotta think about the fact that he’s started sleeping on your side of the bed, that the house is losing your scent, and that divot on the couch where you always sat has flattened out. 

Everyone knows he’s losing his mind. They can tell by the dark circles under his eyes and the fact that he’s started snapping at women who are either flirting or just doing their jobs. And sometimes they even have to block his view of couples practising PDA. That’s the closest to hell they ever want to get around Toji. Suddenly, everyone’s hoping you throw the guy a bone and send a nude or something. Literally anything to rein him back in.

The day comes, though, when you’re finally returning home. 

“Y’ sure? Not gonna flake again? Be fucking sure, ma. Alright, get back safe.”

Toji throws all the rubbish out, washes the dishes and dries them, double checks that the toilet seat is down, and he’s followed your recipe for beef stew to the letter — it’s cooking in the oven, and it looks fucking great. Even exfoliated in the shower like you’ve been asking him to, almost took off an entire layer of skin. He doesn’t want to admit he feels pretty fucking fresh. 

The door handle rattles. 

He sits up. And then stands. Walks over to the front door, arms crossing and then uncrossing. 

You’re here. 

“Hey, Toji—“

Your greeting is smothered in his chest as he threatens to suffocate you with the hardest bear hug in the whole world. And though he’d never hurt you, if you weren’t a sorcerer, you’d have been in big trouble. 

“Y’ hungry? Or y’ wanna shower first?”

His hands are all over you, lifting your chin to search your face for any scratches, even squishes your cheeks to be sure, and he’s patting you down for bruises or just to make sure all your limbs are intact. There’s a frown on his lips and it’s pretty darn cute. 

“Aw, Toji, baby. Did you miss me?”

“No.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re not a child, blah blah blah.”

Walking past him to take your shoes off, hang your coat and roll your suitcase to the side, you’re inhaling the air and moaning about the delicious food in the oven. Oh, God. You’ve been craving homemade food for so long now. You might actually die if you don’t eat. 

“Come here.” Your eyes dart to him, still standing by the doorway, fists clenching and unclenching. Toji looks furious. You look closer. No, he looks…embarrassed? “Said come here, ma.”

“Why?” You ask, head titling in curiosity and slight suspicion. 

He grunts. “What? I gotta spell it out for ya?”

Laughing, you tap your foot on the ground and retort back, “Yeah, you might because you need to have a good reason for keeping me from both a good shower and a warm meal.”

Toji rolls his eyes and stalks over to you, yanking you back to his chest so he can wrap his arms around you and keep you still. It’s much softer than before, but you feel the same sense of passion, something that verges on desperation.

It’s almost like…

No. 

It can’t be. 

Oh, but when you feel his face bury itself in your neck and you hear that long inhale, followed by a deep groan vibrating through his chest, you’re absolutely sure. 

Toji missed you. 

An overwhelming feeling of love fills you, so does a sense of victory, and you just hug him back, inhaling deeply too. He smells like home, like reluctant cuddles, pats on the ass, and early morning sex. You thought you’d have the most trouble in the two weeks, which turned into three, but as it turns out, he didn’t fare much better. 

Though he’d never admit it with his own mouth, his body betrays him.

Toji doesn’t let you get very far without a hand on you somehow, whether that’s a hand on your thigh as you eat dinner side by side, instead of across from each other, or you sitting on his lap as you watch the movie you want to watch. He even waits on the toilet lid as you shower, though that only lasts a couple minutes before he’s stripping and joining you. 

“Y’r not washing y’r hair right,” he tuts. 

Getting into bed is even worse because he’s practically lying on top of you the whole night, still sniffing your neck, and with his hands exploring your body. Not really in a sexual way, which is odd for him, but as if he just wants to feel you. He wants to feel your warmth, your softness, and reassure himself you’re home. 

Soon, he’s out cold and you mumble a goodnight against his forehead.

He wakes up feeling completely refreshed, like a newborn, stretching and grinning about getting ready for the day, and frowns when you’re still fast asleep. Part of him wants to make sure you’re getting your rest, but that part doesn’t win for very long and the much bigger part is shaking you awake.

“Come on, ma. Fucking bored here. Wake up, yeah? Let’s get some breakfast. Wanna talk to ya.” 

And when you do wake up, grumbling at how loud he’s being, he ignores the glares you’re giving and the swatting of his hands. Toji gives you a rare, wide, toothy smile and he says, 

“There’s my gorgeous girl. Good morning, baby.”

Yeah, this man totally missed you. 

[milomilesmib]

Do you ever just

*vibing*

Then

"oH SHIT I FORGOT TO TAKE MY MEDS FUCK FUCK FUCK---" *sprinting to meds*

[simplyholl]

Filthy

Summary: After a long mission, Bucky needs you.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger F. Reader

Warnings: Smut. Minors DNI. 18+ ONLY.

See my Masterlist Here

"Would it be too crazy if we slept together?" Your sweet voice replayed over and over in his mind. He hadn't flat out refused your offer, but he hadn't said yes either. Now as he laid under the rubble of the bomb Hydra had detonated, it was all he could think of.

You were friends, one of the only people besides Steve to make him feel welcome on the Avengers. The others were wary of him, and he didn’t blame them. He had done unforgivable things as The Winter Soldier. Now he was fighting for the right cause. He couldn't help the reoccurring nightmares of the horrors he encountered in his past. He didn't want to get too comfortable in his new life, the one Steve helped him obtain because he was scared The Winter Soldier was still lurking around in his brain somewhere.

That's why he never dated. Sam would tease him, telling him he could have anybody he wanted, but he settled for his hand every night. Bucky couldn't afford to get too close to anyone. Especially someone who was weaker than him like the opposite sex. He was scared he would lose control while being intimate and hurt or even kill his partners. So he never let anyone get too close, until you.

You came bouncing into his life unexpectedly. You were brought on the team shortly after him. He would never forget your first day. Steve introduced you to everyone at the morning meeting. You were all smiles, your bubbly personality instantly drawing him in. The others were making comparisons between the two of you immediately. You were so happy, so upbeat all the time and Steve was the only one who could get Bucky to crack his cold exterior and actually smile.

Despite your differences, you got along great. Which was a bonus since Tony liked to pair you together for missions. You worked well together, complimenting each other in ways you had never thought of. Who knew almost dying together every week can cause you to form close bonds? You were spending all your free time together. You introduced him to your favorite films, some of them were awful, but he would never tell you that. You would stay up late together watching old reruns of 90's sitcoms for comfort after long missions. Bucky would go shopping with you, holding every bag you had and never complaining.

The team thought something was going on between you. Why else would the cold super soldier follow you around like a lost puppy? They put Steve up to asking about it, but Bucky denied anything but friendship. There had never been anything happen in the whole year you knew each other. You never sat too close or crossed any boundaries, never thought about it until a month ago.

One of the longest, most dangerous missions you had ever been on finally came to a close. There had been too many casualties and you were upset. Even the comfort of your warm pajamas and favorite movie didn't ease your mind. Bucky thought you needed to be alone, so he told you goodnight and headed for his room. You called after him pleading him to stay with you. You couldn't be alone, not after that.

He hesitated, he never stayed the night with anyone because of his nightmares. Tony even gave him a pass when a mission required room sharing. He was the only one who didn't have to pair up. He was afraid he might hurt you or scare you during his sleep. He tried to tell you, but you couldn't be swayed. He found himself under your fluffy pink comforter on heart shaped pillows, surrounded by a mountain of stuffed animals but he felt oddly at home.

You tried to cuddle up to him, but he scooted away. He didn't want you too close to him while he was asleep just in case he had a nightmare. But you didn't care. You told him if he attacked you in his sleep, you would blast his dick off. That made him a little less worried. "How do Tony and Clint do it?" You asked as you wrapped your arms around him, trying to snuggle the grumpy super soldier. "Do what?" He relaxed a little under your touch. "The whole normal family thing. They have a wife, kids, the works, and they are the only ones. The rest of us can't keep a relationship for more than a month, and some only do one night stands. It's hard being a hero when you have to give up stuff like that."

Bucky considers your words carefully. "Is that something you want?" You throw your leg over him, trying to get comfortable. "Eventually, I want to settle down. I'm thinking at least ten years from now, not any time soon. It's just hard to tell who is asking you out for the right reasons or because you're famous. I can't tell you how many phones I've destroyed after dates because they were trying to live stream the whole thing. Is that why you don't date?"

Bucky tenses, explaining how his past as The Winter Soldier scared him away from anything like that. "So you haven't been having sex because you're scared you will hurt someone?" He nods and you giggle. Bucky looks at you like you've grown a second head. "I'm sorry Bucky, that's ridiculous. Your arm must be so tired! Oh my God! Do you use the metal one?" His silence makes you laugh harder. "Bucky there are super powered women you could have been sleeping with this whole time. People who could at least put up a fair fight if something like that happened, but you're okay now right? I thought the code words didn't work anymore." You rub his back soothingly.

You gasp as an idea hits you. "Would it be too crazy if we slept together?" It was like word vomit. You didn't mean to say it out loud, but you couldn't take it back now. Bucky is so still that you think he's fallen asleep. Thankful he didn't hear your unhinged suggestion, you lay your head down to go to sleep.

"You mean that?" Bucky asks after a few minutes of silence pass. "If it wouldn't hurt our friendship then, why not? I trust you. And I could hold my own if things went sideways. Plus, I'm a lot hotter than your hand, you have to admit that." The quip earned a chuckle from him. "Can I think about it?" He asks, his seriousness taking over. "Of course." You snuggle back into him, sleep finding you more quickly than you would've liked. That was a little over a month ago, neither of you brought it up afterward. You figured he didn't want to hurt your feelings, so you let it go.

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand helping him to his feet. "I thought we lost you back there." He says leading him to the quinjet. On the ride home, Bucky thought about his life, how unhappy he had been lately. He thought of you and how he kept you at arm's length to protect you from himself. You were always so open to him, always letting him know what was on your mind. When you suggested the two of you sleep together, he was shocked. Of course, he wanted to but he couldn't. You were too sweet, he was jaded. He would end up hurting you somehow, he was sure of it. But you weren't scared of him, you trusted him.

Bucky thought of all the times he laid alone at night, masterbating when he could have went home with someone instead. He always turned them down, he couldn't risk it. He lived too dangerously. He could lose his life any moment saving the planet from the next alien attack. Wasn't it time he started living for himself? He had his mind made up when the quinjet landed. Steve told him to go get the cuts on his face and arm examined but he ignored him.

He almost ran to the elevator, not bothering to wait for Steve to get on before pressing the button to shut the doors. When it finally stopped on his floor, he walked by his room, stopping three doors down right outside of yours. He should have cared that it was three in the morning, that he would be waking you up, but he didn't. He tapped on the door loud enough to wake you.

He regretted coming straight here as he waited for you, he should have went to his room to shower first. His leather jacket was dirty and torn. There was a small gash on his arm that had finally stopped bleeding. His face was filthy and according to Steve, he had a cut there too. He probably looked terrifying. He thought about leaving to clean up, but then he heard the pitter patter of your feet as you approached the door.

You pull it open slightly at first, to see who is outside, opening it wider when you see him. He steps inside as you shut it back, locking it behind him. Bucky looks around the dark room noticing the glow from your tv. Your hair is messy, you must have been sleeping fitfully. His gaze drops to your body, you're wearing a black t-shirt that stops at your hips and black lace panties.

"Are you okay?" You ask taking in his disheveled appearance. You turn to get something to clean his wounds, his vibranium hand catches your wrist. "Bucky? What hap-" He picks you up with one arm, holding you close to his body as his lips crash into yours. He walks you to the edge of your bed, tumbling on top of you as your back hits your fluffy pink comforter.

"Do you still want this?" He asks, his voice rougher than he intended. You can't think clearly, not with him on top of you, caging you in like this. His blue eyes search your face as he waits for an answer. Your panties grow wetter with each second that passes. Your nipples are peaked under your shirt, desperate to be touched as you press your chest to his dirty leather jacket. "Yes" You somehow manage to whisper your confirmation.

His mouth is on yours again, rough and demanding, almost desperate. You cup his face with your hands, "Slow down, I'm not going anywhere." You assure him, breaking the kiss. He groans, hating the loss of contact. "Can't" He rasps, his face nuzzling against your neck. He nips and kisses the sensitive skin there, his tongue licking from your shoulder to your jaw.

His flesh hand travels to your chest, rubbing his thumb over your clothed nipple. He keeps kissing his way back down your throat until he reaches the collar of your shirt. His metal arm grabs the top, slipping underneath to get a good grip on it. He rips it down the center with little effort.

You gasp as the cold air hits your now exposed chest. But you're not cold for long, Bucky's lips capture a nipple between his lips tugging and sucking like his life depends on it while his flesh hand toys with the other one. You're not sure what has gotten into him, you never expected it to be like this, like he needs you.

He kisses a trail down your stomach to your panties. They aren't exactly see through, but they don't hide anything either. His vibranium fingers dig into your hip as he lowers his face, his pink tongue licking up the center of your soaked panties. You whimper underneath him, your fingers sliding in his hair, pulling at the short strands.

He grunts as he licks you through the lacy material. You try to close your legs around his head, hoping to bring yourself more relief. Bucky's steel grip on your hip tightens as he brings his flesh hand to your thigh, pulling it off him. He opens you wide, continuing his desperate assault on you. "I need more, please." You whine, needing to actually feel him against you.

He thankfully takes mercy on you, removing his hands to grab both sides of your panties. "Lift your hips for me." You do as your told, and he slides the unwanted garment off of you. He drags you to the edge of the bed, lowering himself on his knees in front of you. He parts your thighs, metal hand returning to its rightful place on your hip. You place your leg over his shoulder, taking a deep breath as the anticipation makes your skin prickle.

His hot breath on your soaked core makes you tremble. You feel him smirk against you. "I havent even touched you yet and you're shakin' like a leaf." A dark chuckle escapes him and he dives in. His tongue flat against you as he gathers your slick, bringing it to your clit and swirling it around. He moans, loving the way you taste. He wraps his lips around your most sensitve part, drawing you in, causing your hips to buck upward.

His grip on your hip tightens, a bruise beginning to form under his thumb. "Be a good girl for me. Stay still." His voice is soft, gentle, a complete contrast to his actions. He alternates between sucking you roughly and licking you slowly. You squirm underneath him, you're so close. He suddenly stops, removing his face from you.

His flesh hand rubbing your stomach, before laying his arm on you forcefully to keep you from moving. "I said stay still." He growls, his tongue swiping your clit before he sucks it between his lips once more. It takes every ounce of concentration you have to not writhe against him. You've never seen him like this so needy, almost feral. He's like a wild animal slurping you down like you're the first thing he's eaten in weeks. You don't dare to disturb him. So you lie as still as you can, letting him have you.

He needs this. He needs you. He flicks his tongue expertly over your clit, sendng you spiralling. He holds you down as he takes all he wants from you. He's not satisfied until you come three times. Your legs are wobbly, you couldn't get up if you had to. Tears stream down your face from how intense it was. He finally stands, unbuttoning his pants, sliding them down just enough to free himself.

He adjusts himself between your legs, filling you up. You gasp, grabbing onto his grimy leather jacket for support. You wonder why he didn't bother with getting undressed, but you don't mind. You love how dirty he is. How the filth on his jacket rubbing against your bare chest is the sexiest thing in the world right now. How you can see the cut on his arm, dried blood on his sleeve. You don't know if it's his or some Hydra asshole's, and you don't know which is hotter.

His hair is disheveled. His face is scraped, dirt from the mission caked on him, remnants of your arousal still on his mouth. He fills you completely over and over, holding you as close as he can. His pants rub the back of your thighs as he pounds into you. You caress his face, "Can I be on top?" You ask quietly, afraid you'll offend him some way in his feral state. He flips you so his back is on your mattress. Normally you would be upset that your sheets were getting dirty, but you didn't mind at all. You place your legs on either side of him, sliding down his length. Your ass hits the fabric of his jeans as you take all of him.

You look behind you noticing how big he looks on your bed. His leather boots covered in mud, hanging off the edge. A gush of arousal floods his lap, his hands hold your thighs, pulling you closer. You begin to lift yourself up and down on him, your legs still shaky from your earlier orgasms. Bucky notices you won't be able to keep it up for long, so he clutches your hips, taking over. He thrusts underneath you, your hands land on his shoulders needing to steady yourself. You love that it's giving the illusion that you're in control, your body on top of his, but he's calling all the shots, moving your body like he owns it.

You've never felt so full. It's as if Bucky can read your mind, his flesh hand pressing on the bulge he's making in your stomach. He works you harder now, his vibranium thumb coming between you to swirl your clit. Your vision goes blurry, stars bursting behind your eyelids. You come with a loud cry of his name. He follows shortly after, spilling inside you. He holds you close, as you listen to his breathing slow down as he drifts off to sleep while still inside you.

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