#GOD i need to stop getting distracted
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i should really revamp my DCSH playlist (<- this is the devil speaking, do not listen)
#GOD i need to stop getting distracted#damn you adhd#velvet talks#diamond cutter shaped heartaches#continental drift divide
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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.
Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.
I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.
#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy#Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble#or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing#Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or#what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job#Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady#and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his#or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do#Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was#I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions#say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others#I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit#cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a#real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he#appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what#if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but#he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like#god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one#needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it#it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the#blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them#in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not#stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed#like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did#ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#the pony express
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i crave incest
#watch me and my fail art#no tagging this was super fast i am distracted#iris found games on his phone that`s the important bit#gods i need them too#anyway point is i started to think about iris pokemas halloween outfit and it went downhill#when will i stop getting into rare things nobody else even considers perelka challenge (difficulty level impossible#ok i saw two art with them took me a while lmao#cw: suggestive#oh yeah and obviously#cw: incest#lmao#(or is it??? it is in my head)
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Ahhhh well if it isn’t my old friend, the crushing feeling of never truly being understood despite your endless attempts to articulate yourself, paying me another visit
#I say paying a visit#but in reality it’s kinda always there#I actually hate being like this sometimes#I literally cannot drop something until people understand#otherwise it feels like I’m physically being ripped apart from the inside#and it makes me insufferable#I hate it#I was having such a good day as well#it’s not my fault people don’t get it#but I can’t stop until they do and it never. fucking. happens.#I get irrationally worked up about the smallest things and all people do is laugh#yeah I get it#it’s funny that I’m so upset about something so stupid#but please stop#I’ve been in therapy my whole life to ‘make me more tolerant’ and I’ve reached my limit. I can’t get any more tolerant#but that means I rely on people being understanding to avoid these situations#but alas#god forbid people actually take some accountability and accept that MAYBE they might be making it worse#and the fucking cycle repeats itself#if you couldn’t tell I’m not having a great time here. hopefully at least one person on the autism website can relate to my autism struggles#I’m ok. just needed to vent. but if anyone wants to send any fun asks as a distraction I’d appreciate it#oh this silly little brain of mine#just autism things#actually autistic
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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I got new glasses finally and my brain is ooaoaoaooaoa ooao um adjusting (im having a time)
#nonsense#I needed new glasses so bad#my old ones were straight up being held together by DUCT TAPE#but are the new duct tape free glasses worth the 3 day brain pain we will see#btw if you ever want to know what I look like I deadass look like chicken little#that meme of “stop saying I look like chicken little” but you see I actually look like chicken little and I am very much a coward#I know if I focus on 2al that will hopefully distract from the new glasses pain#.... do I post this on main or my goddamn turtle blog.#..... do I post this on my few hundred followers blog or my few thousands followers blog hmm.#god I really need to do a follower milestone thing#again probably maybe a dtiys#but uhhh ummmm erm after the twist how about that#anyways hello fandom sideblog my beloved how are there so many of you following me#what#WHAT what#slowly but surely getting used to the idea that im a “big” blog oops#im literally chicken little#why am I big#am I chicken big?#im chicken big.#goodbye#enjoy tag ramble
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also i have to remind everyone that chiyo has a high libido, and when it's her partner, it's so incredibly easy to get her worked up and wanting them. they don't necessarily even have to try -- chiyo will just crave them, their touch, that closeness and connection with them. seeing her partner in their element, dressed in garments she really loves, etc. are enough for chiyo to get that itch. she'll definitely try to downplay/ignore this at times bc she feels a bit self conscious about her high sex drive, but her partner can expect chiyo to initiate as often as they're comfortable with. she'll be cheeky about it pretty often, make it playful so that they can easily turn her down and move on with the day/night. she never wants them to feel pressured bc of her.
#her partner: quite literally sits there and looks pretty#chiyo biting her fist: oh my GOD i need them#ASDFG HOT BLOODED JUST CAME ON MY SPOTIFY AS I'M WRITING THE TAGS LMAO#anywayyyyy let me slap on skincare and stop getting distracted#it's just so hard to not yap about this silly lil lady uvu#tw suggestive#i sit before flowers & hope they will train me in the art of opening up | headcanons
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Firstly, THANK YOU ??? YOU'RE WAY TOO SWEET, I'm so beyond flattered you hold my work in such high regard :')) 💘
Secondly, I'M HOOKED THIS IS SO GOOD TO IMAGINE !!! I've been wanting to write something for Dark!Ominis for a while, but I was having a hard time figuring out why he would go back on his core beliefs that way and you absolutely sold me with this !!
I love the concept, and thank you for all the juicy descriptions ! It'll help astronomically, I'm gonna save the actual ask in my inbox so I can reference it later on. As per usual I can't ensure when I'll get around to this, but I'm definitely thinking I'll bump it up the list. It's a want/need/insatiable desire/whatever the hell you want to call it 😩🙏🏻
#asks#Y'ALL NEED TO START CHARGING FOR THESE IDEAS CAUSE SOME OF THEM ARE FLAWLESSLY THOUGHT OUT#anon was right though the rest is for my eyes only I'm gonna hold this one close to my chest#I could totally work on this after the Dominis breeding kink...... or before........... no no I should do it after#control yourself Antoinette dammit stop getting distracted halfway through your projects#but your brain is exquisite my dear I would LOVE to borrow it for a day this is a god tier prompt
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taz is back on my brain and i wanted to draw smth easy about how i personally draw and differentiate the elves in it ^_^
#i also wanna do one for humans too and maybe gnomes but davenport is the only gnome in the main cast#iirc that is#but the difference in humans wouldn’t be as drastic besides between two sun and two moon#also i know the current plane doesn’t have two actual moons it’s jisy easy to refer to it that way#but i also just want to lean more into my ipre deisgns looking slightly off from the world they’re in#since they’re from another plane. lol#i also need to do dwarves too i forgor#i want to give all of ipre tails and silly ears bc my heart tells me to but god would that get distracting in a character lineup#idk wjatever i need to stop writing essays in tags#tags#taz#taz balance#also i’m really sorry my handwriting is so bad it’s hard for me to write on an ipad lol#n i also just have shit handwriting
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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you ever think that sometimes code phil will be hanging out with his friends such as fit, etoiles, tubbo ect and as the rest talk he just silently flips through photos and (hopefully) someone notices how he just starts trembling because why why why doesn't he remember taking some of these ? big events he can remember vaguely- how it felt to be there and certain people's actions, but these random photos he took of his friends and family while out doing a random quest or basic exploration are all just Gone. he knows why his memories of the federations fixings are gone but can't understand why everything else seems to be fleeting too. (he's my fav so unfortunate he needs to suffer) - 💿
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA you’re not wrong I have thought of it but reading it from someone else makes it actually hit JAJAJJA
Looking at pictures it feels like his entire memories are slowly fading away from him, so close and yet too far away to properly grasp & keep to himself
Imagine while looking at the pictures, Phil starts tracing certain people, things, etc. in them attempting to ignore the way his hands are so hard to keep still and compares them to the people around him, or what he is able to see. Attempting to piece things together & think about how it must’ve felt like, but it feels so.. out of place.
I wouldn‘t be surprised if Phil is torn between wanting to take more pictures and make another collection in an attempt at remembering the memories he has lost and is still losing, while also being too scared of doing so because what if those new memories fade too? What if they also get taken away from him, leaving him with nothing but pictures he‘s not even sure if he took them or not, despite everything pointing towards it
#ajjajaja also thinking about either Fit or Etoiles noticing Phils trembling & looking at the picture#fit gives me the vibes of carefully closing the album of pictures & holding it together with Phil#while checking up on him & offering him either comfort or a distraction depending on what he feels like he needs#Etoiles gives vibes of going for distraction first while around other people and thus getting Phil to stop looking at the pictures#and later do a more serious check in with him when it‘s just the two of them#either that or I could also see him as plopping himself down besides wherever Phil is and offer him headphones ( or the switch WHEEZE )#he got from god knows where but he just has them#SILLIES!!!!#code philza <3#💿 anon#winged.rambles
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thought abt working on fazco entities.. opened up procreate and got distractd by reworking the outfits on my ocs.... went on tik tok for five minutes as a break and immediately wanted to make an animatic for my minecraft oc .... went on procreate and got distracted by outfits again ... There was something else i wanted to work on but . i cant remember what. i have done nothing productive today
#talking#did like two things that are kinda productive but not rlly and they took longer than they shouldve#ive beentrying to get myself to read (aka turn on Read aloud extension) these articles for so long#so i can draw while listening#BUT I KEEP . HAWKJHWWWWWW#i need to pick something to draw oh my god#and also stop getting distracted#or wanting to vomit#i b wanting to throw up a lot these days its kind of annoying#but its ok! because the solution is not thinking too hard about deadlines and also my personal life#i got distracted again oops
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#idk why i even try to offer anymore#i should know by now that nobody ever really wants to hang out with me#not when they have other friends and better things to do#i seriously cant believe i forgot im just kept around as a distraction or to get something from#just a convenient silly lil toy to play with until they get bored of me or something better comes along#god im so fucking stupid and pathetic#i really shouldnt get my hopes up i should know better than to fucking hope at all#i need to stop offering all the time
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not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!
#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ#yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority#like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now#what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this.#how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything#i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do#how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every#time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't#let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that.#and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well.#i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving#the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing.#i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me#and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move#and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god.#i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself#whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me#but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license#so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me#and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to#and i am in hell.#and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider.#i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine#doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is#that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love#when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe#i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it#and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people#god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god.#nyarla dni
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more people should be john gaius loserboy truthers. i know im not alone in this
#listen. he cries at weddings and can't open a can of peaches and calls alecto his annabel lee.#he is easily distracted by the prospect of getting fucked on a dinner table#he is god but that doesnt stop him from being just a pathetic fucking guy in general.#and i think we need to acknowledge that more as a fandom#tlt#the locked tomb#john gaius#tlt jod#tlt john
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I'm on the road today (from my hometown to my city). All the way from my hometown area up till Katowice it was snowing, the weather is cold and gloomy. Now on a highway there is still some snow on the ground. I don't think I've ever driven in such a magical and beautiful atmosphere.
#340 km to go#i am driving slowly cause it's not a good driving weather even tho it's beautiful#just stoped for some gas station coffee (those are the best kind)#it's a better driving day than last week when I was doing the same drive just the other way around - to my hometown#last sunday only God helped me to not cause an accident#i was so sleepy and distracted#thankfully the road was empty 90% of the time#my driving really depends on a day#one day I can feel really good and confident and drive at a illegal speed and take the road like a storm#other days are terrible I can barely figure out what is going on#it has to do with my health and mental health#today is a pretty nice driving mental health day#I am doing fine#not the confident and speedy type#but calm and collected and chilled and kinda alarmed type#cause the weather is great#because I have to be focused#ok let's stop with the remabling I need to get to my place before it gets dark#winter#snow
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