#GOD I JUST WANT TO BITE CHOMP MAIM KILL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thehelleniclunarwitch · 6 years ago

Text

Partners

Pairing: Jason Todd & Wade Wilson (friendship)

Fandom: DC, Marvel

Warning: Language

For: @boosyboo9206 @asanotheronebitesthedust

(This was one of the first ones I wrote with the pair. Their dynamic gets better over time)(But I still hope you enjoy it!)

Jason covered his face with his hands. He was done. So completely done with his partner. He wasn’t sure how much more of his he could take. Dropping his hand, Jason turned his cold glaze up at his partner.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Jason hissed.

“What? What do you mean?” Wade asked.

Jason was about to lose his cool. He sucked in a deep breath trying to suppress his anger. Wade shoved the last bite of his chimichanga into his mouth and as Jason had to listen to him chomp on his food every bite just irked him more and more.

“Just take off that stupid hat!” Jason suddenly roared.

Wade stopped mid-chew.

“What’s wrong wif my hat?” Wade asked around the mouthful of food.

“If it isn’t the smell of your disgusting food that doesn’t give us away it’s that godforsaken sombrero!” Jason growled.

Wade gasped and clutched his chest in shock.

“We’re trailing the cartel this is the perfect disguise!” Wade exclaimed with a mock cry.

“God damn it, Wade! You wear a fucking bodysuit!” Jason shouted.

Wade wiggled his eyebrows at Jason before slipping his mask back on.

“I love it when you call me, Wade.” Wade grinned.

“You’re the absolute worse, I hope you know this,” Jason sighed.

“I like it even better when you call me, daddy,” Wade teased.

Jason reacted quickly, he grabbed Wade by the back of the head and slammed his face into the dashboard. Wade groaned, Jason released his head and sat back.

“Harder, daddy,” Wade said.

“I knew I should have asked one of my brothers to come along,” Jason said.

“Now that was hurtful, the words, not the face slam, I didn’t feel that all,” Wade said as he sat back up.

Jason only scowled as he sat back in the chair. Once again, Wade removed his mask so he could wipe the blood away from his nose.

“You know I like it rough,” Wade began.

“Wade,” Jason hissed.

“So now I’m going to have sit here with a raging boner,” Wade finished.

Jason rolled his eyes.

“You know you caused this so you could help me out,” Wade suggested.

Jason whipped his head around.

“Do you want me to put you in time out?” Jason asked him.

“Are you going to chain me up, daddy?” Wade asked.

“Fuck you,” Jason snarled.

“Yes, please,” Wade giggled.

Jason had never been so happy in his life when he saw people finally leave the warehouse. He swatted Wade on his arm to draw his friend’s attention towards the warehouse.

“Well, well, well, I finally get to get my hands dirty,” Wade said as he slipped on his mask.

“Please remember we need to leave at least a few survivors so they can go back to tell the head boss that we mean business,” Jason said.

Wade said nothing before slipping out of the window.

“Jesus, Wade, the fucking door works,” Jason hissed as he climbed out of his car.

Wade ignored his friend and was already halfway across the street. Jason tucked his gun in the back of his pants before running after Wade. Catching up to his friend, the pair quickly moved around to the back of the warehouse to find the men loading the van.

Jason glanced over at Wade. Jason nodded to him. Wade quickly stretched causing Jason to roll his eyes just before Wade went skipping around the corner.

“Hiya boys!” Wade greeted.

“It’s Deadpool!” Somebody shouted.

“Yep! That’s me!” Wade exclaimed.

“Kill him!” Another person shouted.

“Now that’s not nice, it’s a good thing I brought back up,” Wade said.

Jason came around the corner already firing shots. The men dove out of the way as Jason unloaded his gun. Wade went skipping through swinging his prized ninja swords around. The men began firing back at Jason, but he easily took care of several of them.

“And a slice for you and a slice for you,” Wade was mumbling to himself as he cut hands off people.

“Leave a survivor or two, Wade, I won’t remind you again,” Jason snarled.

Wade scoffed. “The old ball and chain never lets me have any fun,”

“Please, sir,” The man began to beg.

“Ooh, I like that watch!” Wade gasped and then cut the man’s hand off just above the wrist.

Wade bent down to pick up the severed hand and ripped the watch off.

“I think my Petey will love this,” Wade gushed.

Jason shot off one more round before coming to join Wade.

“Did you leave anybody alive?” Jason asked.

Wade pointed to the two men who were lying in front of him in agony both missing a hand.

“Jesus, Wade,” Jason hissed

“What? You didn’t say I couldn’t maim them!” Wade exclaimed.

“Whatever, let’s go, we need to check in with the others,” Jason said.

“But look at his watch! I bet there are more treasures around here,” Wade said.

“Car now!” Jason growled.

“You never let me have any fun!” Wade stomped his foot.

“If you get in the car we can stop at your favorite taco truck on the way back to our place,” Jason suggested.

“Can we bring some back for our boys?” Wade asked.

“Yeah, sure, whatever, as long as you get your ass in the car,” Jason hissed.

“On it, Jaybird!” Wade shouted as he began to skip away.

Turning back towards the two men that Wade left alive, Jason bent down. He grabbed the first man by the front of his shirt and dragged him forward. The man hissed in pain, but Jason didn’t care.

“Make sure, Diablo knows that the Rogue’s will come back and finish the job if he doesn’t stop crossing the border,” Jason snarled before dropping the man back down.

Jason walked past the dead bodies and back to the car where Wade was patiently waiting. He could see Wade admiring the watch in the sunlight. Jason climbed in behind the steering wheel.

“I called the boys and told them we’re bringing tacos,” Wade said.

“Of course you did,” Jason sighed.

Wade shoved the watch into Jason’s face. “Do you think my Petey will like this?”

Jason pushed Wade’s hand out of his face.

“Peter’s going to love it, Wade,” Jason sighed as he started the engine.

“Roy wanted me to tell you that Eddie didn't have any issues with V today,” Wade yawned as he leaned his head against the window.

Jason knew the second he started driving Wade would fall fast asleep.

“Sounds like he’s finally getting more control,” Jason said.

“Yeah, Roy marked it down on the calendar,” Wade yawned once again.

Jason pulled away and turned the corner. Wade was already fast asleep clutching the watch he had stolen to his chest. Jason rolled his eyes at his partner before speeding towards the taco truck. All in all, Wade earned those tacos and it would put a dent in his bank account Jason knew it was well worth it in the end.

#Jason Todd #Wade Wilson #Red Hood #Deadpool #DC #Marvel #friends #best friends #language #little blurb #just a drabble

24 notes · View notes

garecc · 7 years ago

Text

The Hidden Oracle+1

Chapter 8

Apollo doesn't die! / did I make things worse? Who knows! / I am so useless.

Apollo was dying.

My brother was dying.

My little brother was dying, right in front of me.

I will confess something, we gods fear death. We fear nonexistence. But I fear one thing above that, I fear losing my brother. I fear him dying or fading or somehow ending up trapped and away from me. I fear being truly alone. If he were gone… I don't even want to think about that.

I don't really remember much of the next few seconds. I remember that suddenly I felt like everything went numb, my eyes widened and the scream that had torn It'self from my throat moment ago still rang in my ears. I launched myself forward.

I remember screaming his name as he tried not to breath and rolled around, he tried in vain to rid himself of the plague cloud.

I remember feeling like ice was filling my veins and feeling so cold suddenly I wanted to scream and cry and I just felt scared.

I couldn't let him die.

I remember pressing my hands to his nose and mouth. I wouldn't let him breathe it in. I wouldn't let it kill him. I wouldn't allow it.

I remember smothering him, suffocating him, I remember seeing the glittery cloud going for me, but I couldn't let it hurt him. I wouldn't allow it.

Out of the corner of my wide eyes I saw meg running, she yelled something but it was lost amongst my panic. Everything seemed far away, Apollo didn't struggle against my hands. I saw it in his eyes he knew was I was doing.

The glittery smoke was surrounding my nose and mouth, I refused to breath. I refused the growing urge to pull the poisonous air into my lungs. I will keep him safe. Even if it kills me. Even at the expense of my own life, as long as he’s safe it's alright.

My eyesight began to dim.

Apollo’s eyes were wide.

Somewhere to our left, water erupted from the field, Percy dragged himself towards it and dunked his head in the water.

My ears began to ring, and Apollo’s face was beginning to go blue.

Percy staggered to his feet to his feet. He ripped out the source of the water—an irrigation pipe—and turned the water on us.

I hate being unexpectedly douched in water, and Apollo does too. (I Wake him up with water to the face whenever we go camping) But as the water disrupted the smoke, I didn't mind. I let go of Apollo’s face and dragged him away. I gasped for air, Apollo started wheezing again. Our nosoi friends reformed a bit away, their yellow eyes shown with hatred.

Meg yelled again, this time I understood. “GET DOWN” I practically tacked Apollo down. He made a sound between a wheeze and a pained yelp.

In our four thousand six hundred and twelve years, me and Apollo have seen many things. I can't say for certain with Apollo, but neither of us have seen an uprising of fruit.

Percy hit the ground as every peach in the garden rose off the ground, they shot around. If we had been standing, or even sitting we would have been killed. Meg simply stood there unhurt as frozen dead fruit flew around her.

The nosoi collapsed, riddled with holes. Every piece of fruit dropped to the ground.

I took a shaky breath and turned to Apollo.

He looked dazed. He smiled weakly at me, I helped up into a sitting position. I then pulled him into a hug. Desperately trying to get some comfort out of him being okay. I knew I would wake up in the middle of the night for years to come reliving that experience. I tried to keep myself from crying, but the tears in my eyes spilled over. He gently rubbed my back, I didn't realize I was sobbing until Apollo started speaking.

“Hey… It’s okay now.. I’m okay.. We’re both okay…”

I didn't want to pull away. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't know what to say. So I stayed there head buried in his shoulder, tears streaming from my eyes.

Percy’s voice broke through my despair. Apollo glanced in his direction. Or at least, I think he did. I couldn't really see anything.

“Whah jus happened?” he sounded like he had a cold. So water diluted the effects. At least he wasn't dead, that was a good sign.

“I don’t know,” I heard Apollo say. “Meg, is it safe?” I pulled away from Apollo, feeling worthless. I had been useless this entire fight? What had I done? Smothered my brother. I wiped furiously at my eyes, I felt Apollo put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m okay Artie. See?” he smiled, albeit a bit weakly. I laughed a bit hysterically, my heart was still racing in my chest. I held back sobs. Apollo was looking at me concern shining in his eyes.

He shouldn't need to be concerned about me.

He’s hurt. He shouldn't have to deal with me being all emotional.

I should be strong.

I have to be strong for him.

Meg was staring around the orchard in amazement at the mess of fruit, mangled corpses, and broken tree limbs. “I- I’m not sure.”

“How’d you do thah?” Percy snuffled.

Meg looked horrified. “I didn’t! I just knew it would happen.”

One of the Nosoi began to stir. It got up, wobbling on It's hole filled legs.

“But you did doooo it,” the spirit growled. “Yooou are strong, child.”

The other two corpses rose, they swayed to their feet and I could feel my already rapid heartbeat pick up. My breath caught in my throat. Apollo gripped my shoulder tightly.

“Not strong enough,” said the second nosos. “We will finish you now.”

Please no.

They should be dead!

Why aren't they dead?

The third spirit bared his rotting teeth. “Your guardian would be sooooo disappointed.”

Guardian ? She had a guardian? What kind of guardian lets a 12-year-old live in an Alley? When I’m a god again I’ll kill them.

Meg looked sick. Her face paled, Her arms trembled. She stomped her foot and yelled, “NO!”

More peaches flew into the air. Instead of peach blasting the Nosoi, they blended together into a fruit tornado, until suddenly standing in front of Meg was a creature not unlike like a pudgy human toddler wearing only a linen diaper. Protruding from his back were wings made of leafy branches. His babyish face might have been cute except for the glowing green eyes and pointy fangs. The creature snarled and snapped at the air.

“Oh, no.” Percy groaned. “I hate these things.”

The three nosoi also did not look pleased. I shuddered as they edged away from the snarling baby.

“Wh-what is it?” Meg asked.

Apollo stared at her in disbelief. Probably thinking what I was thinking. She was the cause of this fruit carnage, no doubt there. Meg looked as shocked as we were. Alas, if Meg didn’t know how she had summoned this creature, she probably wouldn't know how to make it go away, I didn't particularly like Karpoi (I have lost a few hunters to them over the years..) but they, while annoying, are bearable. A single arrow kills them. Usually. But if you have the unfortunate luck of hitting their arms or legs, no, a single arrow only enrages them, alerts them to your position, and ends with either death or maiming. But if you hit their head or chest…. BAM! a pile of grain (or fruit in this case) is where the creature last stood.

“It’s a grain spirit,” Apollo said, I could hear the veiled panic in his voice. This one time Demeter sent a swarm of them after him… That was a mess for all parties involved. “I’ve never seen a peach karpoi before, but if it’s as vicious as other types…”

“we’re dead” I muttered quietly, I honestly just wanted to sit in a dark room and calm down. Or even just take a five-minute break to sort my thoughts and get that sickening image of my own hands cutting off my brothers air supply out of my head. But I didn't see that happening anytime soon. The demon peach baby turned toward the nosoi. For a moment, I suddenly felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest it was beating so fast. I feared it would make some alliance. The middle corpse, peachhead, inched backward. “Do not interfere,” he warned the karpos. “We will not allooow—”

The karpoi launched himself at the nosoi and bit his head off.

I felt relieved, and I heard Apollo sigh next to me.

But when I say it bit his head off, I am not exaggerating. The karpos’s fanged mouth unhinged, expanding to an unbelievable circumference, then closed around the cadaver’s head, and chomped it off in one bite.

In a mere moment, the nosos had been torn to shreds and devoured. As I said a while back, pacifism is sweet my friend, but watching your foes torn limb from limb is satisfying. I may have said that differently, but no matter.

The other two nosoi retreated, but the karpos crouched and sprang. He landed on the second corpse and proceeded to rip it shreds.

The last spirit dissolved into glittering smoke and tried to fly away, but the peach baby spread his leafy wings and launched himself after them, He opened his mouth and inhaled the sickness, snapping and swallowing the smoke was gone.

He landed in front of Meg and burped. His green eyes shone with… pride? He didn’t appear to be sick, which is not very surprising considering human diseases don’t infect fruit trees. Instead, even after eating three whole nosoi, the little fellow looked hungry.

He howled and beat his small chest. “Peaches!”

Percy slowly raised his sword. His nose was still red and runny, and his face was puffy. “Meg, don move,” he snuffled. “I’m gonna—”

“No!” she said. “Don’t hurt him.”

Meg put her hand tentatively on the creature’s head. “You saved us,” she told the karpos. “Thank you.”

I looked away, waiting for her scream as it ripped her hand off her arm. But to our surprise, the peach karpoi did not bite off Meg’s hand. Instead, he hugged Meg’s leg and glared at us as if daring us to approach.

Odd.

“Peaches,” he growled.

“He likes you,” Percy noted. “Um…why?”

“I don’t know,” Meg said. “Honestly, I didn’t summon him!”

It was blatantly obvious on who summoned him. I also have a clue on about parentage, but if it is her, then she’s top-level stuff for her demigod parentage..

“Well, whatever the case,” Apollo said, “we owe the karpos our lives. This brings to mind an expression I coined ages ago: A peach a day keeps the plague spirIt's away!”

Even I managed a weak smile at that, Apollo glanced at me, I forced myself to smile wider. I could tell he saw right through it. His eyes seemed to take in my bloodshot eyes. “You okay?”

He whispered so only I hear. I nodded once. He smiled weakly, it was genuine.

Percy sneezed. “I thought it was apples and doctors.”

The karpos hissed.

“Or peaches,” Percy said. “Peaches work too.”

“Peaches,” agreed the karpos.

Percy wiped his nose. “Not criticizing, but why is he grooting?”

Meg frowned. “Grooting?”

“Yeah, like thah character in the movie…only saying one thing over and over.”

Me and Apollo shared a look of confusion. “We haven't seen it.” He said. “But this karpos does seem to have a very…targeted vocabulary.”

I laughed hysterically, I just wanted to get to camp and get to my cabin and.. And then what?

“Maybe Peaches is his name.” Meg stroked the karpos’s curly brown hair, which elicited a demonic purring from the creature’s throat. “That’s what I’ll call him.”

“Whoa, you are not adopting thah—” Percy sneezed with such force, another irrigation pipe exploded behind him, sending up a row of tiny geysers. “Ugh. Sick.”

“You’re lucky,” Apollo said. “Your trick with the water diluted the spirit’s power. Instead of getting a deadly illness, you got a head cold.”

“I hate head colds.” His green irises looked like they were sinking in a sea of bloodshot. “None of you got sick?”

Meg shook her head.

“I have a good constitution!” Apollo stated, the forced positivity leaked out of his tone. Neither of us were okay.

“I.. I made sure he didn’t breath any” I muttered weakly.

“Its okay.” He murmured quietly. “I'm fine, you didn't hurt me.”

“And the fact thah I hosed the smoke off of you,” Percy said, possibly trying to ease the tension..

“Well, yes,” Apollo said, glancing at me then to Percy.

Percy stared at us as if waiting for something. Me and Apollo shared an awkward look, confused. After a long awkward moment, it occurred to me that he was probably looking for gratitude.

“Oh! Thank you,” I said, keeping my voice steady and repressing the nervousness.

Apprehension dawned in his eyes. “Ah.. Thank you”

He nodded. “No problem.”

Apollo relaxed a bit next to me. Good.

“Can we go now?” Meg asked.

“An excellent idea,” Apollo started, his voice sounded forced, but more genuine than I expected.. “Though I’m afraid Percy is in no condition—”

“I can drive you the rest of the way,” he said. “If we can get my car out from between those trees…” He glanced in that direction and his expression turned even more miserable. “Aw, Hades no….”

I shifted uncomfortably. Drawing the attention of our uncle wasn't the best idea, then I saw what “Great,” Percy muttered. “If they tow the Prius, I’m dead. My mom and Paul need thah car.”

“Go talk to the officers,” Apollo said. “You won’t be any use to us anyway in your current state.”

“He means your sick. You probably can't fight in your state.” I said quietly, edging towards my brother.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Meg said. “You said the camp is right over those hills?”

“Right, but…” Percy scowled, I assumed he was struggling to think straight over the ailment inflicted by the nosoi. “Most people enter camp from the east, where Half-Blood Hill is. The western border is wilder—hills and woods, all heavily enchanted. If you’re not careful, you can get lost….” He sneezed again. “I’m still not even sure if you two can get in if you’re fully mortal.”

“We’ll get in.” I could hear the fake confidence in his voice. But we did have to get in. We had no other alternative. If we couldn't get in….. We had already been attacked once by monsters, and once by mortals. There is no other way for us to stay alive.

The police car’s doors opened.

“Go,” Apollo urged Percy. “We’ll find our way through the woods. You explain to the police that you’re sick and you lost control of the car. They’ll go easy on you.”

“Good luck,” I said, smiling weakly.

Percy laughed. “Yeah. Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” He glanced at Meg. “You sure you’re okay with the baby fruit demon?”

Peaches growled.

“All good,” Meg promised. “Go home. Rest. Get lots of fluids.”

Percy’s mouth twitched. “You’re telling a son of Poseidon to get lots of fluids? Okay, just try to survive until the weekend, will you? I’ll come to camp and check on you guys if I can. Be careful and—CHOOOO!”

Another pipe burst in the ground.

Muttering unhappily, he touched the cap of his pen to his sword, turning it back into a simple ballpoint. A wise precaution before approaching law enforcement. The mist would probably make it a gun or something. He trudged down the hill, sneezing and sniffling.

“Officer?” he called. “Sorry, I’m up here. Can you tell me where Manhattan is?”

Meg turned to us “Ready?”

Me and Apollo were both soaked to the bone. In winter weather, I could feel my rapid heartbeat slowing, leaving me open to the wind and cold. I started shivering, and I know Apollo was cold too. I am the moon goddess. I shouldn't be able to get cold. This was the worst day in the existence of days. Me and Apollo were mortal, injured, and I felt like I was on the verge of crying. Again. Apollo had a grimace of pain decorating his acne-ridden face. We were stuck with a… Insane? Terrifying? Misguided? Unknowing? I don't know how to describe her, girl as our master, and a freaking peach demon. I was not ready to traverse those woods, and I'm the goddess of hunting. The idea of entering those cursed woods terrified me. I knew the moment we entered, something bad would happen. But we also desperately needed to reach camp. I might even encounter some friendly faces there. Or perhaps I might find a way to contact my hunters. “Yeah. I'm ready.” I lied. “Apollo?”

“Sure,” He said, glancing at me. I could tell he saw directly through my lie. “Let’s go.”

Peaches the karpos made a sound between a yak grunting and a wilting plants scream. He gestured for us to follow, then scampered toward the hills. I didn't want to follow it, I didn't trust that… creature in any way shape or form. Meg skipped after him, swinging from tree branches (Splinters. How did she now get splinters?)and cartwheeling through the frozen mud as she somehow managed to act joyous after such a near-death experience. By the way she was acting I might have mistaken our previous affair to be a pleasant picnic rather than a life or death battle. Apollo turned to the sky “Are you sure, Zeus? It’s not too late to tell us this was an elaborate prank and recall us to Olympus. we’ve learned our lesson. I promise.”

“Father, please” I added.

No response. Not even a crackle of thunder. With a sigh, I jogged after Meg and her homicidal new minion.

[FIRST]

[PREVIOUS]

[NEXT]

#the hidden oracle #the hidden oracle+1 #The hidden oracle plus one #lester papadopoulos #apollo #artemis #toa #fanfic #my fanfic #yes im aware they are twins but Artie was born after him and they are in a constant fight over who is older Artemis considers him younger

2 notes · View notes

consultthemuses · 7 years ago

Text

Sentence Meme: 62 Willow Rosenberg Quotes

Some will be more easily applicable than others. SOME WILL CONTAIN TRIGGERS (violence/supernatural references)!! Feel free to change pronouns/genders at will.

❛ Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us. ❜

❛ You know, syphilis. But basically, standard sort of stuff. ❜

❛ That's right, big boy. Come and get it. ❜

❛ I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know! ❜

❛ There were circumstances then. There's no circumstances. ❜

❛ Okay. No biting, though. ❜

❛ Evil! You're all evil again! ❜

❛ Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin. ❜

❛ Thanksgiving isn't about the blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. ❜

❛ No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey. ❜

❛ I mean, you men. It's all about the sex! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the sex. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time. ❜

❛ My God, you people are all...well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are. ❜

❛ I don't think you wanna help. I think you just wanna slay the demon, then go "La, la, la". ❜

❛ Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh, look, a cockroach. ❜

❛ I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me,' or, 'Oh, you're such a good friend’. ❜

❛ Don't cry. I'm sorry. I was too hard on you. Sometimes I unleash. I don't know my own strength. It's bad. I'm bad. I'm a bad, bad, bad person. ❜

❛ Well, [name] always says a pun or a witty play on words, and I think it throws the vampires off and it makes 'em frightened because I'm wisecracking, okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one but you try it every time! ❜

❛ Now, hold on! I'll do your spell for you. ❜

❛ I'm talking! Don't interrupt me! Insignificant man. I am [name]. I am death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true. Okay? ❜

❛ It's like all of a sudden I'm not cool enough for you because I can't kill things with my bare hands. ❜

❛ Thanks for coming with. Hunting for a psychopathic super-bitch is definitely in the above-and-beyond category. ❜

❛ I am a she-witch, a very powerful she-witch - or witch, as is more accurate. I am not to be trifled with! ❜

❛ I don't want danger. Big no to danger! ❜

❛ I've seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars. ❜

❛ Oh, right, me and [name] play Mistress of Pain every night. ❜

❛ Occasionally, I'm callous and strange. ❜

❛ The coven is-- They're the most amazing women I've ever met. But there's this... this look that they get. Like I'm gonna turn them all into bangers and mash, or something. Which I'm not even really sure what that is. ❜

❛ No, you'd be wonderful in the Army. Do you think the umbilical cord between you and [name] will stretch that far? ❜

❛ Then, talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun! ❜

❛ The magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff... or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. ❜

❛ [name], don't you love me? ❜

❛ This big evil that's been promising to devour us? Well, I think it's started chomping. ❜

❛ It's complicated... because of [name]. ❜

❛ What, you think you have some sort of special lesbi-dar or something? ❜

❛ From beneath you, it devours. ❜

❛ I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo-hoo! ❜

❛ I know you were happier when you were in the ground. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were dead. Until [name] brought you back. ❜

❛ I think you're missing something about the whole poophead principle. ❜

❛ It's incredible. I mean, I am so juiced [name], it's like no mortal person has ever had this much power. Ever. It's like I'm connected to everything. ❜

❛ You put your old murder weapon in with our utensils? ❜

❛ I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, and plus she had that close relationship with God. ❜

❛ So he is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and 1 being someone who's...not. ❜

❛ Did we not put the 'grr' in girl? ❜

❛ You know, [name]-- sweet girl, not that bright. ❜

❛ Does that mean I have to be a bigger, badder badass than the source of all badness? ❜

❛ I can kill a couple of geeks all by myself. But, hey, if you'd like to watch... ❜

❛ Well, technically, [name] isn't a monster. And as far as fighting, I'd be lucky to bruise her fist with my face. ❜

❛ Weird'? It's against all laws of God and Man! ❜

❛ I know she's not over the whole [name] sleeping with [name] thing. You know what I mean... ❜

❛ I'm not strong. I'm not an Amazon. I'm just me. ❜

❛ Avoid white-skinned men in capes. ❜

❛ I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together. ❜

❛ I, I'm having all sorts of... I'm dating. I, I'm having serious dating with a werewolf. And, and I'm studying witchcraft and, and killing vampires. ❜

❛ Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away. ❜

❛ I shot [name]! ❜

❛ When you brought me here, I thought it was to kill me. Or to lock me in some mystical dungeon for all eternity here. With the torture. Instead, you go all Dumbledore on me. ❜

❛ [name] does not eat people. It's more werewolf play. You know, I bat you around a little bit, like a cat toy. I have harmless wolf fun. ❜

❛ Okay, somebody explain the whole 'He will suck the whole world into Hell' thing 'cause that's the part I'm not loving. ❜

❛ I'm just missing everything. I miss P.E. ❜

❛ It didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. ❜

❛ Well, I'm not saying it's the key to her heart, but [name], she likes cheese. ❜

❛ I'm less worried about hitting my thumb and more worried about going all black-eyed baddie and bewitching that hammer into cracking my friends' skulls open like coconuts. ❜

#ask box #ask meme #meme #buffy #buffy meme #supernatural tw #violence tw

35 notes · View notes