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tharros-auris-black-asimi · 3 years ago

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Lay All Your Love on Me (Chapter 9)

Pairing: Soft Dark Alpha Lee Bodecker x Female Omega Reader

Summary: After moving to Knockemstiff, Ohio with your troubled parents, you find solace in the local Seven-Eleven. There, you bump into the Alpha sheriff, Lee Bodecker.

And then you keep bumping into him. There's just something about that chubby Alpha that keeps drawing you in. Now there's something going on with the new preacher of the church that you attend. Everything's a mess.

But you’re an unbonded Omega. Life can turn to shit anyway.

Chapter Warnings: Heavy A/B/O dynamics, as per is usual with this story. This chapter has a soft!dark Lee, and a mildly dark!Arvin. Discussion of rape and murder. Fluffy car sex, (which is weird, coming from me, but I promise it'll be rough again soon), stalking, breaking and entering, dark thoughts, and Preston being overall just really fucking creepy.

This chapter also has the first argument between Alpha!Lee and the Reader, and male predatory behavior is discussed.

Additional Notes: Hello everyone! I deeply apologize for my absence. Shark week, (as one of my friends lovingly dubs it), came to me last month and left me in a weird funk. So my muse was really low. But I'm back! So updates should be coming more frequently now.

I also have this fic posted on my AO3, and if you'd like to check it out, it can be read here.

Word Count: 5,517

A few days later…

Sandy Bodecker was awoken to the sound of her big brother opening the driver’s car door and sliding in, the cruiser dipping a little bit as the chubby Alpha made himself comfortable in the seat. He was holding two steaming cups of coffee in the Styrofoam cups. Sleepily, Sandy took one cup and took a gulp.

“How many more hours?”

She still wasn’t fully awake yet. Lee took a small sip of his coffee before he leaned back into the chair. Taking a glance at his watch, “Three more hours.”

She let out a groan.

They had been on the road for five hours now. The two of them had gotten up real early since Lee had informed the department that he was going away for a week.

With their suitcases packed, Sandy leaned back. Sighing.

Her Big Brother had been more on edge lately. A little more snappish and a bit crankier since you left with your mother. He was still his grumpy self, but it was amped up to a slight six.

Now that she had caught a good look at him though, she quickly changed the number in her mind to a high seven. Seven point five. On the dot.

Sandy gulped down more of her coffee. Sitting back up in her seat, she looked at her big brother.

“Ya got the ring, right? You didn’t forget it, did you? Cause we’re too far from home for you to turn back to get it because ya forgot.”

Lee just rolled his eyes. In a way only a sibling would. “No, I brought it, San. I didn’t forget.”

Sandy just let out a snort. Giving him a look only a little sibling could when they wanted to piss off their sibling or to just be an annoying little shit.

Like now.

Lee scowled at the smug look on her face. “If you say anythin’ smug San, I swear-”

“What kinda Alpha Mate proposes to his Omega without a ring? Can ya imagine how stupid ya would look if ya had forgotten it?” Sandy cackled at the embarrassed look on Lee’s face. “Shut ya trap,” was all he grumbled in response. Sandy’s giggles filled his ears. “It would have been hysterical,” she giggled, wiping away a stray tear from her eyes in amusement.

“Yeah, yeah. Finish your fuckin’ coffee.”

Sandy snickered.

A few hours later, at Coal Creek, with you...

You were waiting.

You had been waiting forever, it seemed like.

Waiting for your Daddy had felt like an eternity. Your Omega had cried out at the absence of her Alpha. She was a needy bitch, what could she say? She wanted to be around her Alpha all the time. Every day of the week. Not every second though, she knew that her Alpha had a job. But to smell that familiar scent of bourbon and chocolate that she loved so much?

Yes.

Very much so yes.

She would love that.

But you were still in the diner, waiting.

You slurped at your strawberry milkshake, all the while your Omega loomed about in the confines of your mind, whining softly to herself.

Alpha. Alpha. Want Alpha. Need Alpha.

The bell rang at the door.

You still slurped at your milkshake absentmindedly. So engrossed in drinking your sorrows away, remembering how nice it had been when you had been with Lee, in that booth together, all squished up against him that you didn’t even look up when someone had slid into your booth, just across from you.

“Why the sad look, huh babydoll?”

Only one person called you that.

Your Omega screeched with glee.

Your eyes shot up.

Lee Bodecker sat across from you in your booth, a boyish smile just making his chubby cheeks look all the more adorable to you. Even showing his dimples. Your Omega sobbed in relief. In delight.

Her Alpha was here.

Her Alpha had returned to her.

And her Alpha was not leaving.

Out of all the things that your mother had thought of to see that day, it was not your Alpha that you had Bonded yourself to and his younger sister.

But as she saw you bounce into the Russell household happily as she walked down the hall, happier than she had seen you in days, the corners of her lips curled up into a smile.

“Ma! I’m home!” You shouted out.

Your smile grew wider when you saw your mother round the corner.

She spoke your name in greeting. She even greeted Lee and Sandy as the two took off their shoes at the door.

“Where’s Arvin? Did he go out with Lenora again?” You asked your mother as you headed into the kitchen. To get a few glasses so you could fill them up with water for you, Lee, and Sandy to drink. “Arvin’s out with Lenora at the store. Emma’s out doin’ some shoppin’. They’ll be home soon.” was your mother’s response as she sat down on the couch.

Sandy resisted the urge to flinch when she heard the young Omega’s name again.

Lenora.

Dread pooled in her stomach as she remembered the look on Rory Laferty’s face. The one he gave her before he died.

She didn’t have any time to meditate on it though, because you had handed her a glass of water. You handed Lee a glass of water too. You happily drank from your glass as Lee pulled you closer to him, your head nestling in his shoulder happily with a purr of satisfaction.

Your designation thrummed within you. Whole and complete.

For now.

“I hate to ask ya Sheriff, but what exactly are ya doin’ here? Shouldn’t ya be back in Knockemstiff?” Your mother questioned. An eyebrow was raised in thought.

Because this was odd.

Very odd indeed.

“Urgent business. Somethin’ bout the other Omega under this roof, ma’am.” Lee responded. Your mother leaned back into her comfy seat.

“You know who did it, then?”

“The preacher.”

“Hmm.” Your mother just raised her glass of whatever she was drinking up to her lips. “I saw the way he was lookin’ at my baby. I didn’t trust him. Not one bit.”

That raised alarm sounds in Lee’s head. You blanched from where you were sitting.

He turned to look at you.

What?”

You had fallen silent.

“What did you want me to say, Lee? That after Lenora, that maybe I was next?” You sighed at that.

So it surprised you when your Daddy stood up, reaching his full height. Glaring down at you. “I was expectin’ you to tell me.” Lee crossed his arms. You took your bottom lip in between your teeth in an effort to make sure you didn’t lose your shit at your Daddy.

Cause he was your Daddy.

You were a good babydoll for your Daddy.

“What did you want me to say, Lee? That I was worried bout Preston coming onto me, and that was why I went over and shot that son of a bitch in the foot and in the hand?”

Sandy and your mother shared a look of surprise.

They had not been expecting that.

At all.

Although, on your mother’s angle, it had explained why Preston had a limp for a few days. She had wondered where that shit had come from.

On Sandy’s angle though, she wasn’t surprised that you were picking a fight with Lee. She leaned back, clearly about to enjoy this little spectacle in front of her.

Her big brother always proclaimed himself as a strong Alpha. Always protecting her a little too much sometimes. Possessive, you could say. No one had ever argued with him or questioned his authority before.

Until you.

Oh yeah. She was going to enjoy this. She raised her glass and took a nice, lil sip of her water in glee.

“… What I want you to say is that there’s a creepy son of a bitch tryna take what’s mine!” Lee retaliated, not enjoying your tone. Or the way you had put your hands on your hips. You rolled your eyes.

You had rolled your eyes at him!

Him!

Your Alpha!

Oh hell no.

“I ain’t your goddamn property, Lee Bodecker! I can take care of myself, for fucks sake! I coulda murdered him and I wouldn’t have batted a motherfuckin’ eyelash! What else do you want me to say, that every time I come here I feel like I’m walkin’ on eggshells around him? Or how I had to shoot him in order to get my damn point across? Damn it, Lee what the fuck do you want from me!?” You exclaimed.

You were at your wit's end.

Truly.

You did not know what to do anymore at this point.

The surprise showed on your face when Lee grasped your chin, pushing it up so you could be looking into his eyes.

Fury couldn’t begin to explain what you saw in his eyes.

For starters, his eyes were no longer blue.

No.

They were pitch black.

“What I expected was-”

The sounds of a car driving up made the two of you stop.

“… Arvin! C’mon! We still gotta make that dessert tonight! You promised cheesecake!” Lenora’s voice was heard from outside.

You pursed your lips.

“We’ll finish this later.” Your tone held no wants for arguments.

But Lee being Lee, of course, protested.

“Omega-”

“No.”

The front door opened.

Arvin Russell had walked in through the front door.

And he stopped.

Completely and utterly in his tracks.

Only two words came out of his mouth.

“Sheriff Bodecker?”

You had expected things to get better.

Unfortunately for you, it did not get better.

Arvin kept looking at your Alpha, which aggravated your Omega to no end.

Your Omega started panicking when the two had gotten up from their seats, walking into a room to talk.

The younger Alpha knew that scent.

He remembered that scent.

It had been one of the scents he remembered, all the way back then. Deeply embedded in his childhood.

He still remembered smelling that scent of bourbon and chocolate when Sheriff Bodecker saw him clutching the lifeless body of his dog Jack.

Cherry pie filling had smeared all over his cheeks.

Lee still remembered seeing the flies surrounding the dead body of Willard Russell.

It hadn’t been the first time seeing a dead body.

He had seen this before.

Many times before.

Arvin still remembered the cruiser being a little intimidating to sit in.

Remembering how the backseat made his butt squish uncomfortably and then hearing Sheriff Bodecker try to console him.

“Some people were born just so they could be buried.”

He still remembered how Lee Bodecker tried comforting him with those words.

And those words were echoing through his head like now.

“Do you remember what you told me? When you picked me up and sent me to this house?”

Lee remembered.

He still remembered.

“Course I do, son.”

“Do you think Preston’s the same way?”

Lee, from where he was leaning at the door in Arvin’s bedroom, shrugged himself off and walked towards Arvin, who was sitting on his bed.

“No. No, I don’t think so. He wasn’t like ya daddy. Ya daddy loved ya mama. Preston doesn’t love. He just takes and takes. He uses his power to get what he wants. Your father was just desperate. Preston ain’t ever gonna feel like that until he’s locked in a corner he can’t get out of.”

All the chaos happened when Emma came home.

The older Omega had noticed a cruiser in front of the house.

Which was odd.

So when she stepped into the house and saw Lee Bodecker, sitting there next to you, wearing a Mark on his Scent Gland, she knew.

She just knew.

Call it an Omega’s intuition.

“Sheriff Bodecker. What brings you here?”

You shifted in your spot next to Lee. Subconsciously rubbed your nose against his gland in nervousness.

Lee was about to say something, but Emma sniffed at the air.

All the color drained from Lenora’s face. Emma’s face changed.

You watched as Lenora burst into tears, crying. The young Omega sobbed her eyes out. Your arms came to comfort her, your pheromones brushing over hers, trying to soothe her.

“Who is it?”

Lee answered her.

“The preacher.”

“We need ta kill him. There’s no other option.”

Emma Russell cried out.

“Arvin! No! Stop speakin’ that nonsense! He’s a Child of God, for goodness sake!” the older Omega reprimanded her nephew.

“No he ain’t!”

You nearly jumped due to the increased volume of Arvin’s voice. Lenora recoiled. From where she was being held by you and Sandy, the four of you all crammed together on the old couch in the Russell home, Arvin stood up from his chair. The young Alpha stood to roughly five-foot-five, unlike Lee’s solid six-foot. He looked tinier, smaller than usual Alphas his age. But he didn’t care. Not in this moment.

“He fucking raped her! She’s carryin’ that bastard’s fuckin’ pup! Don’t you understand that?” roared Arvin, pointing at the weeping and still shaking Omega. Whose scent of vanilla and cherries were turning sour and burnt. It wafted in the air, making your eyes water.

A deep rumble came from Lee.

It made everyone stop. Even Arvin turned his gaze to the older Alpha, who was consoling his sister.

Like with you, it wasn’t a rumble for mates.

No.

It was a rumble to calm down frantic Omegas.

Which Lenora was at this very moment.

Little whimpers and sobs were still coming from her even after Lee lightly scented her, making her smell that chocolate and bourbon you loved so much. It reminded her of that one time she had gotten sick, and her Auntie Emma had given her just a little bit of bourbon to help speed along the healing process. The chocolate reminded her of the chocolate cake Auntie Emma had baked for her fourteenth birthday, just a couple of months ago.

How did things go so wrong so quickly?

Allowing herself to be comforted by the chubbier Alpha, Arvin couldn’t help but look.

Sheriff Lee Bodecker was here.

In his house.

The house that he had grown up in for the past eight years.

And not to mention, he was mated to you.

You had told Arvin about the Alpha you had bonded to you over the phone.

Arvin just never thought it would be Sheriff Bodecker. He still remembered being ten years old, sitting in the backseat of that cruiser and the older man consoling him. His cheeks had been smeared in cherry pie filling. Clutching the dead body of his loyal dog, Jack.

Everything had gone wrong when his Ma had gotten sick and passed away.

Everything.

And now, this.

This!

Could things get even worse for him?

Arvin certainly thought so. His blood was roaring in his ears, and he was finding it very hard to sit down.

“Ya need to sit down, son. Ya polluting the entire room with ya scent boy.”

He heard you cough. As if you were gasping for air. Coughing as if you were in a burning building, and you were desperately trying to not breathe in any smoke.

His scent was suffocating you again. You felt like you were being tightly squeezed together by his scent.

Until your Lee, your Alpha, your Daddy rubbed his nose against your gland. His tongue licking over your Marked Gland.

His scent exploded all around you like someone popping a balloon with a pin. He was all you could smell.

Your Omega was overjoyed. Even though Arvin was a part of your Pack, she found his scent to be so suffocating at times.

Like these.

This was a fine example.

But with her Alpha here, protecting the youngest member of her Pack while also keeping her safe.. it made her sigh happily. Dreamily almost.

Your Omega had chosen well.

In fact, she was so proud that she didn’t even hear Arvin mutter out his apology. Or you relaxing against your Alpha, nose nuzzling against his gland too. Trying to desperately inhale her Mate’s scent.

Your Omega heard Emma speak again though.

And it did not make her happy. In fact, your Omega got up from the confines of her cage in the depths of your mind, a deep snarl vibrating in her throat.

“I’m sure he didn’t-”

“Didn’t what?” Arvin snarled, “what, that he didn’t mean it? That it was an accident?! Raping someone isn’t an accident, Auntie Emma!”

Arvin couldn’t help it. His scent spiked up again.

You covered your nose and coughed again.

You couldn’t take it.

Getting up from your spot on the couch, you heard shouts of your name and pleas to come back. Your mama asked where you were going. Your vision became blurry due to tears.

The front door opened and closed.

Lenora sniffed. Lee gently scented the currently pregnant Omega with his wrist against hers, before gently getting up.

“I’ll go after her. Make sure the boy doesn’t do anything stupid.”

You were outside. Leaning against a tree while frantically rubbing at your eyes to stop the tears from falling down your face.

Someone called your name.

You weren’t quite listening though.

Your mind was murky.

Cloudy.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe right.

Everything had gone wrong again.

Why did everything good in life have to follow with something bad happening in it?

Why?

You heard your name being called again. More urgently this time.

“Omega!”

You stopped.

Right there.

Right in the middle of your tracks.

Your head turned back.

Lee grumbled the entire way he had to get to you. To have you in his arms again. When the singed scent that came from you filled his nose, his Alpha grumbled unhappily.

Omega. Omega needs us.

Must comfort Omega.

His tongue flattened against your gland, and you practically melted. Your insides felt like goo when you leaned into him. A dreamy sigh came from his Mate when he wrapped his arms around you, holding you. Protecting you.

His tongue lathered and bathed your gland till it was wet and that singed smell left his nose. Till you smelled like him.

As you should.

You held onto the lapels of his leather jacket, clutching them so tightly.

“M’ scared, Lee… I’m so scared…”

Those words.

Lee knew those words.

He had heard those familiar words from you, once upon a time.

I’m so scared.

“… M’ scared, Lee…”

I’m scared.

Your heart pounded in your chest. You sniffed into his shirt.

Lee’s chest tightened.

“I wanna go back into my room. Take me back. Take me back into the house. Please.” You plead with him. You said nothing as your Alpha picked you up effortlessly as if you weighed nothing, picking you up bridal style, a low rumble warming you as it ripped through his chest.

“D'you wanna go out tonight? Just us. No one else.” His voice was like someone had poured syrup over a stack of pancakes or something. It soothed you. Like drinking a nice hot cup of hot chocolate on a cold day.

“Just us?”

Your voice wavered slightly.

“Mhmmm. Just us, babydoll. How’s that sound? That sound good?”

Your Daddy seemed to be in good spirits.

He saw the corners of your lips curl up into a smile.

That was a yes.

A total and utter yes.

“Let’s getcha back into the house, Little Omega.”

Later that night…

You could not control yourself.

You could not explain what the actual hell had come over you then.

You could not.

At all.

Your ever-loyal slushie had been drunk down tossed out earlier. In a trash can. Because you weren’t a heathen.

Soft rain pleaded down the windows, blurring your vision.

But that really didn’t matter to you.

Not right now, it didn’t, at least.

Soft little gasps and moans that were covered up by the soft plopping of the raindrop on the windows. Your hands in Lee’s hair. Those little sweet noises that were coming out of your mouth were swallowed up by your Daddy kissing you.

"Daddy," you couldn't help but gasp, even begin to sob in need. Pulling away from him. "Daddy. S' cold. I'm so cold. Daddy, please."

Your Alpha, Your Lee, your Daddy, his hands came to lift you up, straddling you onto his still-clothed lap. But your hands were already reaching for his belt buckle, and the button of his pants.

Pop.

His precious girl was being needy again. Lee grabbed you by your shoulders, pulling you onto top of him. He lifted your skirt up, and a low squishing noise filled the cruiser.

“Fuckin’ hell…” Lee breathed out, “you ain’t wearin’ nothin’ under there, Mega?”

You just shook your head no.

Lee chuckled darkly, sending shivers down your spine. Your whine turned into a gasp when his thick fingers slipped past your slippery pussy lips, all the way up inside of you.

A shaky gasp fell from your lips. You even clutched his white shirt tightly. A little whimper came from you.

It reminded you of the first time.

The first time you had gotten onto Lee’s lap, dry humping him till you came. You had been looking into his eyes.

Like now.

Your eyes looking into those blue eyes that were black.

“C’mon babydoll,” Lee purred, “fuck yourself on Daddy’s fingers. Be a good girl and fuck yourself on Daddy’s fingers.”

You raised your hips up a bit, before sliding them back down onto the palm of Lee’s hand. It made you gasp. It made you cry out. His fingers filled you up so well.

Up and down your hips went, his palm brushing up against your clit with every stroke. His fingers filled you up just right. Pushing up into your pussy, hitting your g-spot just right. Your slick trickled down your legs down to his palms. You had completely soaked his fingers as his arms slid around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Pushing your breasts right up against his chest.

“Please,” you breathed out against his mouth. “Please, Daddy. Need your tongue.”

You were flipped over with a shriek.

You weren’t on his lap anymore.

You were laying down on the seat. When Lee pulled his fingers out of you, you whined a little of that feeling of being empty.

And then you gasped.

Lee’s mouth had latched onto your clit, more than eager to finally have his face in between your legs after days.

But it felt like months to him.

Your thighs wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. Pushing his face even deeper into your pussy. Lee happily slurped up your slick, his moans muffled.

Your toes curled as you came, crying out and cumming against his face.

However, Lee wasn’t done.

Oh no. Not in a million fucking years.

He continued to suck on your clit, his tongue licking the broad length of your pussy. Even though your pussy was still throbbing and your body was still shaking.

“L-Lee… can’t…” you breathed out. A little whimper escaping your lips. Your Alpha lifted his head up. Your slick smeared all over his mouth and chin. Some even trickled down his jaw. “S’ only been one. You can’t take more than one orgasm, babydoll? Then how’s my cock gonna fit in here? Hmm?”

At the foremention of his dick, your entire body shuddered.

Terrible.

That’s what he was.

Terrible.

That was what your Alpha was.

“Daddy,” you couldn’t help but whine, “you’re such a tease.”

Lee couldn’t help it.

He chuckled at the pout on your face. Your pout vanished when his head disappeared back in between your thighs against, happily planting his face in between your legs again.

“Lemme enjoy my pussy, Mega. She’s been gone from me too long. You gonna allow your Alpha to enjoy himself?”

Your breath wavered when you answered.

“Y-Yes Daddy.”

Lee hummed. Sending vibrations through you that made you shudder.

“That’s a good girl.”

When he dove back in, you gripped his hair.

And then your second orgasm of the night came at you.

Later that Sunday, around the nighttime…

“Ya sure this is the right place?”

“Yeah.”

Sneaking into the Teagardin’s home had not been hard.

Lee had made sure to not wake you up, and together with Arvin, the two drove to the home that Preston Teagardin shared with his wife.

Knowing that the two of them would be in the next town over for the next couple of days, the two sprung into action.

Finding the directions to the home had not been hard.

Arvin might have stalked Preston and his wife earlier that week, and memorized the route there before telling Lee.

But they were here now.

And it was late.

Very late.

Very, very late.

Complete and utter darkness surrounded their vision. Lee had gotten used to it. After a decade of working at the deputy sheriff’s office, seeing things that no one else should have ever seen in their lifetime… his eyes had adjusted to the dark. Especially during times like this.

Especially times like this.

Lee had made sure the cruiser had been parked in an area where no one would notice. Arvin had been on watch duty, to make sure no one suspicious was sneaking about. With a bobby pin that he had stolen from you, he quietly unlocked the front door and headed inside.

Lee had made sure to slather on a healthy amount of scent blockers on his gland. Covering his scent, so that nothing would appear to be out of the ordinary when the happy couple would eventually return back to their home. He made his way down the hall, to where the master bedroom was.

Opening the door, he was greeted by the scent of something that smelled like maple and something musky, along with a sweet underlining scent that filled his senses.

He was in the right room.

Making his way to the dresser that was closest to the door, he opened the first drawer.

He caught Preston’s smell all over.

This was his dresser.

Lee noticed there was just so much junk in it. Old things like old newspaper clippings, trinkets, treasure, souvenirs. All things that Lee particularly didn’t give a shit about. These things didn’t matter to him. They were not important to his current mission at hand at the moment.

Scurrying his hand around, his hand wandered.

Until he found it.

His hand wrapped around a small little notebook. Almost like a little journal that you’d write your diary entries in. Carefully pulling it out of the drawers, he pulled out his flashlight from his pocket and clicked it on.

Flipping through the pages, he saw names.

So many names of young Omegas. How old they were. The names of the churches that Preston had been to. The names had been crossed off, showing that they had been completed. As if Preston had a to-do list or some shit like that.

Lee Bodecker knew that he wasn’t a good man. Not at all. He had made peace with himself that he was no longer pure and that he was corrupt. He had murdered, blackmailed, in order to be as powerful as he was today in his position of power that he currently held as Sheriff. As Deputy Sheriff.

But this.

This.

This made him feel sick.

Even he wouldn’t stoop down to this level of sin.

He wouldn’t even be this dirty. To prey on young, teenage Omegas. Although, he knew how hypocritical he sounded when he thought about that. When he had first met you, he hadn’t even thought about making a move on you. Not until you had kissed him in his cruiser that first night. And then the seed had been planted. You had been all he could think about. He couldn’t count the nights he spent in his bed, jerking off into his fist and climaxing at the thought of his cock being wrapped around and deeply inside of your tight cunt.

However, he had restraint. He had not decided to take your virginity, to make you his, until you had asked.

To rape you, to take away your consent to fulfill that small greedy part of his soul… it sickened him. It made him want to vomit.

Never in a million years would he ever would have thought to take your consent away in order to make you his. It was just something that was so unfathomed to think about. He was a monster, he knew that deep down, but even a monster like him would ever stoop this low to have made you his.

No.

So when he flipped to the page that had the Coal Creek church name, he saw it.

Above the last line on the page was Lenora’s name, crossed out. As if he had conquered the currently pregnant Omega. Just the thought made him shake with rage.

But that hadn’t been the thing to make him snap.

Oh no.

No.

It was your name.

All written out in caps in Preston’s handwriting.

Not only was your name written in all caps unlike Lenora’s name, but it was circled. Multiple times, it looked like. Like Preston had been obsessing over you for days on end.

Lee truly saw red. Snapping the notebook shut and putting it back in the drawer where he had found it, he had slammed the drawer shut so hard that the dresser nearly shook by how hard he had slammed it.

His footsteps made their way into the closet, all the way into it. His flashlight provided the way in.

He searched. He blindly searched, until he found it.

A bag.

Unzipping the bag, he observed the contents.

A blindfold. A gag. A bottle of what appeared to be chloroform when Lee brought it close to his nose. A syringe, and some type of liquid. When Lee brought up the liquid to his nose, he recoiled.

A drug. A drug that some Alphas back in the day used in order to forcibly mate with Omegas of their choice that they knew did not want them.

Lee nearly crushed the bottle in his hands right then and there in anger.

Anger couldn’t even begin to explain his mood at that very exact moment.

His Alpha roared in anger. At the audacity of this unnamed, no good, shitty excuse of an Alpha that dared to touch his Mate. His Omega.

His. His. His.

You were his Omega.

You were his girl.

You were his future wife.

You were going to be the future mother to his soon-to-be-pups.

And this motherfucker was going to ruin all of his Alpha’s plans.

That was not going to happen.

He would not allow this to happen.

After Lee had put everything back in its proper place and made sure to lock the front door and made his way back into the cruiser, it was silent for a few seconds.

“Did you find anything?”

Arvin’s voice had snapped the older Alpha out of his thoughts.

“Preston’s got a notebook. It’s filled with names. Your sister’s name was in it. But… Mega’s name was in it too. Her name was in all caps and circled and he’s got plans for her. He’s gonna kidnap her and force her into an early Heat so he can put a pup in her. He’s gonna rape her just like he did with ya sister. And all those other girls.”

Such a response made Arvin’s blood run cold.

No.

No, no, no.

No.

A light bulb popped in his head. It made the younger Alpha sit up straight.

“Four weeks.”

“What?”

Lee was confused.

“He has his Ruts every four weeks. So, three weeks from now, he’s going to strike. Next week she won’t be here, right? She’ll be back in Knockemstiff, with you?”

A nod from Lee confirmed Arvin’s suspicions.

He continued on.

“So we’ll have a three-week open window. We can plan it then. We need to kill him. We need to do it before his Rut hits. I noticed his Ruts hit him on Wednesdays. So we need to do it earlier than that. He stays at the church until five PM on Sundays. That week, Mega’s probably gonna be coming over with her Ma. You need ta make sure she doesn’t suspect anything. Tell her you’re goin’ for a drive. Tell her you’re gonna do anything else. But ya gotta make sure she doesn’t suspect anything. You need to come over here without her suspectin’ nothing. Okay?”

That was plausible enough.

Another nod from Lee confirmed that he was one-hundred percent on board.

He was one-hundred percent completely on board, and so was his Alpha. His Alpha readily agreed with what this younger Alpha was saying.

For the first time in Lee’s life, it seemed that he and his Alpha were on the same page.

Lee’s Alpha was determined.

Preston Teagardin had made the shit list.

Which only meant one thing.

Preston Teagardin was next.

Taglist: @bxnnywriting, @greeneyedblondie44, @hawsx3

Fic Taglist: @queenslvy, @hawsx3

#lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker smut #abo dynamics #alpha beta omega

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belladonnaandulriched · 4 years ago

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amped and wired, part two | chapter one: break my body

It had been two days since Lars and I returned home from the City and I had no idea when he wanted to return home to the Bay Area. While I had been relishing in every moment I was in bed and taking my sweet time in getting up: the feeling of having all the blankets wrapped around me like I was a burrito of some sort. I always buried my head into the real soft part of the pillow: it all cradled me like my mom's arms. I always woke up toasty warm and feeling soft.

He seemed more adept at lounging on my couch forever than making an effort to get back home—and I thought I had my lazy moments. If it was any compliment to him, he didn't deserve to be left out in the cold like what happened to me. But for two full days now, I had gotten up and found him lazing on the couch, right on top of one of my blankets in his plain T-shirt and pants; at least he took off his shoes—I think he only got up to take a piss whenever he could and wanted to. The second morning I woke up to get myself a cup of coffee and check on him, he remained in the same spot as the night before, even when I told him “good night.” Really, I don't think he even so much as moved.

At one point, I looked into his face from clear across the room and I wanted to pat the sides of his face or maybe bitch slap 'em a li'l bit but I knew it was to be a bit too much at that time. Those green eyes seemed to gaze off into nothing, kind of like how I felt the moment I hung up the phone from Charlie. His arms dangled about him like the arms of a marionette puppet without its master. His body looked heavy and small at the same time: sluggish, if you will, like one of the many Mayas after he knocked their heads off.

Every now and again, I thought of asking him how he felt, and every single time, I thought he would reply to me in the worst way possible. I sat at the kitchen table humming to myself and thinking of drumlines to put down once I stole a moment in a studio when I thought of his drumming. But he didn't seem so intent on making any kind of movements such as that even vaguely possible.

Eventually before dinner on that second night, I strode up to him with a fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach, and yet it needed to be done. He lay there on my couch with his arms folded over his chest and his face glazed over like he had been spinning around in too many circles. It was the most he had moved in two days.

“Alright, Lars, it's been a coupla days,” I started at a quick clip, “do ya mind tellin' me what's goin' on in that head of yours?”

He didn't reply: he continued to stare up at the ceiling with that blank expression on his face. I ran my fingers through my black curls, such that I could feel their dried out roots. I needed a shower, or a drink of water. Or both.

“Lars,” I said in a low voice. “Lars.”

He didn't move or make a sound. He just lay there like he was stoned out of his wits, but his eyes were way too clear. I frowned at him and I was unsure if he could even see me. There was a faint little nugget of light in those green irises, but nothing to write home about. I sighed through my nose and doubled back to the kitchen to start on making something for the both of us. The least I could do was make him something, given the night before I just made myself something: I would have asked him if he wanted anything to eat for himself but he didn't even bat a lash at the notion of me eating two helpings of chili solo.

Given it was rather cold that night with that freezing torrential lake effect rain making its way in, I was in the mood for something traditional but I didn't feel like ringing up my mom especially since the night began falling upon us. But I needed something to warm me up, something to coax me back into bed.

Something with pasta and some tomatoes. The real meat and potatoes.

I kept that in mind as I whipped up a big pot of angel hair and some tomato sauce—I wished for my mom's meatballs there with me, but it was either eat it there while it was all still hot or let it get cold (ew!)

I slung a dish towel over my shoulder even though I wasn't much of a cook so to speak, but it was good enough, though. I lingered over the top of the pot of sauce, and rested my hands on the edge of the counter, and took a whiff. I'm a simple Italian boy: I make something with tomatoes, I've gotta smell it. I closed my eyes and relished in that nice smell for a moment before I went to tell Lars about it. I still had the towel over my shoulder as made my way into the next room.

“Lars, I made some spaghetti—you want some?”

He still didn't reply. I finally buried my face in my hands and let out an exasperated sigh.

“C'mon, Lars, ya gotta eat!” I insisted, and I made my way into the next room. I stood over him with my hands on my hips. I wasn't much taller than him, but I was the one standing over him. I knew what he was feeling, but I needed him to eat, especially since he hadn't eaten anything or even so much as had a drink of water in the past two days alone.

“Lars,” I said in a firm tone of voice. “Lars!”

He parted his lips a tiny little bit and a soft mumble emerged from the back of his mouth, except I couldn't exactly hear what he said. I stopped in place, and then I wondered if he was saying something but his mouth was too dry. I crouched down next to him.

“What was that?” I asked him in a softer tone. He made the noise again: it sounded as though he had something stuck in his throat. I ran my tongue along my bottom lip and I realized that I needed a drink of water myself.

“What'd you say? C'mon, man, help me out here.”

Lars closed his lips and swallowed it down. He rolled his head to the side.

“Lars,” I said again; his eyes were closing. “Lars! Lars—hey, c'mon, man, wake up!”

He fell asleep right there.

“Lars... Lars!”

I reached for the sides of his face and patted him several times.

“Come on—come on!”

I reached down for the side of the blanket and gave it a good yank. Fell right on my ass and bumped my knee on the bottom of the couch.

“Ow! Damn!”

I looked up to find he hadn't budged or even so much as changed his expression. I fetched up an exasperated sigh and stood to my feet, albeit my knee and the lower parts of my legs all throbbing in pain. I fixed the towel on my shoulder and ran my fingers through my hair again. Yeah, I definitely needed a drink of water to go with my pasta.

I made my way back into the kitchen and served myself a plate, complete with lots of tomato sauce. My mom's meatballs definitely would have been the finishing touch on it, but I didn't have much other choice. I drank down a big glass of water to go with it, but I knew I would have to shower, too, seeing as I had no chance to do so yesterday or the day before when we made our return.

I had two helpings seeing as I wanted to give some to Lars, but he hadn't said anything about it so I helped myself. The second time I added some grated parmesan on top for a little more of a nuance.

Afterwards, I rinsed off my plate and put away the rest in the fridge. Since I had a two large helpings of it, my jeans were feeling a little extra snug than normal. In fact, my stomach had a little more tightness than usual. I was warm—a little too warm. And soft.

Granted, it wasn't that late, but my bed called me from the kitchen there. I ran my fingers through my curls again, but that time I reached over with my other hand to switch off the light. The whole place engulfed with dim light from the lights and the orange reflection of it all on the clouds outside. I lifted my arms over my head to let my belly hang out a little bit and then I made my way towards my room.

“Do you think I should call my mother?” Lars asked me, and the sound of his voice sliced through the silence so quickly, it made me jump. But I caught myself and fixed the collar of my sweatshirt. I looked over at him and his eyes staring back at me through the darkness.

“Well—do you need to call her?” I led him into it.

“I do not know. And I do not know what to tell her, either. Like, what am I supposed to tell her, 'hi, Mom. Is Dad around? Oh, nothing... just gone depressing and everything...”

I frowned at him even though I knew he couldn't see me.

“Is there still some pasta left?” he asked.

“Yeah, there's plenty. I was just about to go in here and chill for a little while before I go to sleep.”

“It's not even that late, though.”

“Yeah, but I'm very full and warm, so...”

“Ah. Feeling relaxed.”

“Besides, you gotta eat, man. I banged my knee and my shin on the couch tryin' ta get yer ass up.”

“I know you did.”

“Well, why didn't you?”

“'Cause I'm an idiot. That's why.”

“Lars, you're not an idiot. You're not. Trust me. I'm the idiot here.”

“You?” He seemed appalled by that.

“Yeah. The biggest idiot you've ever seen.”

“Joey, you're a fucking badass, man. You're a hero.”

“A hero? No, no, no, nah, nah, nah, nah. No. No freaking way.”

“You are, though. You don't realize it right now, but you are in fact a hero.”

“Do you want some pasta or no?”

“I might as well.” Even though it was dark, I could smell the disappointment on him from there. I strode over to the lamp next to the chair and switched it on: golden yellow light washed over the room, and in time for his sitting up from the couch.

“By the way, I hope you can forgive me,” he started again. I turned around to face him with my eyebrows knitted together.

“For what?”

“Taking up your couch.”

“You're not takin' up anything, Lars,” I assured him.

“Really?”

“Really. Really, really.”

He groaned in his throat and he stood to his feet. I watched him make his way into the kitchen for a plate of pasta himself, and then I sank down on the couch myself. His laying there for as long as he did gave it an extra touch of softness. I heard him shuffling about in there but I found myself figuring out the cushions a bit more right then. I spread my legs and leaned back: softer than normal. Lars tenderized this thing. It helped that I was extra full so I could relax to of great extent right there.

Speak of the devil, he returned to the front room with a small plate of it in one hand and he took his seat next to me.

“It's not my mom's but—” I shrugged at him. “—what're ya gonna do.”

He once again stayed in silence. In fact, the whole entire time he ate it up, he was silent. I had one arm up on the back of the couch and my legs spread wide open.

At one point, he looked over at me with his mouth of those slender little noodles with a bemused look on his face. His eyes flicked down to my thighs and my crotch and then he examined my body. He swallowed the bite.

“What?” I asked him.

“Nothing. It's just—it's good to have a quiet moment for once.”

“I know, right?” I chuckled at that. “How is it, by the way?”

“It's delicious. Perfect, like it just... hits the spot.”

“I was in the mood for sump'n traditional,” I confessed with another shrug of the shoulders. “By the way, you gonna be fine out here? Y'know, sleepin' tonight? I know you did it the first night we got back, and then last night, too.”

“Actually, I was—I was wondering if—” He paused.

“Wondering if what?” He nibbled on his bottom lip.

“What?”

His face fell.

“Lars?”

The room was silent, save for the tiny beginning droplets on the roof overhead.

One of the best things ever, I don't care what happens to me in life, is falling asleep when your stomach is nice and full and the rain hits the roof in torrents. It will never get old and I was wishing for that right then and there: just take off my clothes and climb into bed and relish in the warmth while listening to the rain over me.

“I was wondering if you would—allow me—to—bunk with you tonight.”

“Like, in my bed with me?”

“Yes. We can sleep head to toe if you wish.”

“Uh—um—yeah,” I said, reluctant. “Yeah, we can do that. It beats sleepin' out here by yourself.”

“Exactly! I was feeling alone for a bit there before you turned off the light.”

“Well, why didn't you say somethin'?”

“I didn't know how to break it to you, especially after all that's happened.”

“Lars, look at me...”

And he did.

“I've got a feelin' that you and I are gonna be here a while,” I told him with a clearing of my throat. “That is until—sump'n happens. I dunno what, though.”

He set his fork down on the edge of the plate and took another look at me.

“You done?” I asked him and I held out my hand to take his plate.

“Yes, but I'll take it, though, Joey. Don't worry about it.”

He stood to his feet and I watched him make his way over to the kitchen. I stayed there on those extra cushions for a moment before I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at the mouth of the hallway and saw something moving over there. I fetched up a sigh and I knew it had to be either Vera or Mrs. Snow coming forth given the sun had gone down and the rain was falling over our heads. I had to find a sweet spot, a little pocket of time to tell Lars about the ghosts here, otherwise who knows how he would react?

He returned to the front room with his long hair tousled a bit and his face in a daze.

“You alright?” I asked him.

“Oh, yeah. I should ask you that, too, though.”

I nibbled on my bottom lip.

“Joey—? Is there something you want to tell me?”

“I live with ghosts,” I said up front, with no strings attached.

“Ghosts? Like—actual entities of the dead? You live with ghosts?” He chuckled a little bit at that.

“Yeah.”

He burst out laughing.

“What's so funny?”

“There's no such thing!” he declared.

“Yes, there is! I live with four of them!”

“I am sure you do, Joey. That pasta in your belly is starting to getting to you a bit, methinks.”

“Why would I bullshit about that sort of thing, Lars?” I demanded while keeping my arm up on top of the couch. “By the way, did you actually just say 'methinks'?”

“Methinks so!” he cracked, but I rolled my eyes at that.

“Lars, I'm serious. There are four ghosts here: a little girl, an old man, a nurse, and a woman about our age.”

“Why, of all places did they choose this little apartment, though?” he asked with another low chuckle.

“Hell if I know. They just kinda came with the place as far as I know.”

“There is an Indian reservation near here, though.”

“Yeah, I know there is. My mom and my grandma used to take me there when I was a little boy.” I hesitated for a second, and then I realized what he meant by that. “Wait. You don't think—”

“It's possible. You know the whole thing about building things upon an Indian burial ground and whatnot.”

“Yeah, but there's nuthin' upon the actual graveyard, though. It's just a blank stretch of grass with some open trenches and a couple of trees, but that's about it.”

“Oh, I see.”

“See what?”

“It's open air.”

“It's not open air.”

“Sounds like it, though.”

“But it's not!”

“Are we gonna go to bed or not?”

I opened my mouth to say something but no noise came out. The sole noise came from the rain on the roof, which then picked up. The best thing ever and I was squandering it.

“Yeah. Let's.”

I stood to my feet and I felt the pasta weigh down inside my stomach. I clasped a hand there to steady myself.

“And I thought I liked to eat,” he joked.

“Eat, sleep, kick ass, repeat,” I told him as he made his way into my room. He was first to switch on the light to which he laughed again.

“I'm afraid to ask,” I confessed to him.

“There's no ghosts in here, Joseph.”

I fetched up a sigh at that. They were reticent to come out because the light was on, I just knew it. In fact, once I doubled back to switch off the lamp in the living room, I was met with a slight chill, one that ran up my arms and my spine. I knew it wasn't from the window given I had closed it just prior to the rains entering the area.

“Joey?” Lars called.

“Coming.”

I returned to my room in time to find him crawling under the covers with no pants on.

“Okay, so how we gonna do this,” I wondered aloud.

“Head to toe,” he insisted.

“I know—I just don't know which way we're gonna have to lay here, though.”

“Here, I'll sleep this way—” He crawled towards the foot of the bed and lay down on his side. He lay the side of his head on the soft part of the mattress.

“You gonna be okay right there?” I asked him.

“Yes.”

I squinted at him, to which he lifted his head and gazed at me with those little eyebrows of his raised. I lifted a finger and doubled back to the front room once again for a pillow from the couch. I felt the chill once again, but it was the least of things on my mind at the moment. I came back to the room once again with it in both hands.

“You're not gonna suffocate me with that thing, are you?” he asked me with a look of fear in his eyes.

“Nah, you'd haveta beg me to do that to ya,” I assured him. “Lift yer head—”

He raised himself up on his elbow so I could slide the pillow underneath his head, and then he lay back down.

“That's better. Thank you, Joey.”

“I just didn't like the idea of you laying there with nuttin' to support your head. I mean you saw me gettin' up back there.”

“Yeah, but that's your belly. We're talking my head here.”

“Hey, if we were talking heads, we'd be in gray woolly suits and barefoot, mmkay?”

“Given it's the same it ever was, too,” he pointed out.

“Exactly!” I stripped off my shirt and folded it up before putting it away in the dresser drawer. My eyelids were feeling heavy and I was feeling heavy and ready for bed myself. It wasn't that late, but it sure felt like it. I crawled underneath the covers next to Lars—he had his back to me, which meant I would have the backs of his legs pressed against my chest. And then I reached up to switch off the light.

“Oh, damn,” he muttered.

“What?” I lay my head down on my pillow.

“Dark in here.”

“Dark and lovely,” I corrected him as I nestled down under the covers. I brought the blankets up to my ear and closed my eyes. Between the warmth in my stomach, having him next to me, and the rain on the roof, I was quick to fall asleep.

I found myself in the warehouse, the one down in the City where all of that butchering went down. I was laying on top of the table with my arms outstretched on either side of me. Someone stole my clothes: I looked down and saw a big light the size of a truck tire hovering over me. It took me a second to realize it was an x-ray machine. Someone was giving me x-rays without giving me some kind of protection.

I rolled my head over to see a guy hovering over me. I couldn't see his face given the sheer extent of the shadow in there. But I could see his hands, the size of dinner plates, and his fingers, long, spindly, and pointed with razor blades. I wondered what he would do to me, that is if he did anything to me.

I watched him linger closer to me.

“What're you doing?” I demanded. He didn't answer: I felt something brush against the sides of my neck. I looked on either side of me to find someone had also cut my hair at the roots. My hair! I had no mirror on hand but I knew didn't look right.

But that was the least of my problems right then.

The man moved in closer to my stomach, right underneath the x-ray light. Those fingers shone bright like shiny brand new knives underneath that pallid light. The pointed tips grazed against my skin: light as feathers but sharper than any knife I had ever encountered. A gentle caress was enough to break the skin.

I didn't feel any pain. At first.

And then he caressed me again.

It was enough for my chest to rise but I couldn't make a sound.

He did it again, and that time he used both hands. He sliced me open with no anesthesia and no regard for my body. I could feel those claws tearing into my flesh and my organs. I could feel him messing with it all. I looked down without moving my head to find my skin fanned out from my midsection, each layer spread out like lace.

“He's perfect,” said a woman next to me.

“I'm glad you brought him in,” he told her in a soft voice, “this is what he gets for being such a little play thing. The outsider looking in. This is what he gets.”

I writhed in pain but it was useless, especially since I had been strapped down to the table.

“Such gorgeous flesh,” said the nurse. “Perfect for clones.”

“I almost don't want to clean it,” said the man as he sawed through my hip bones. I was wide awake and hemorrhaging, but I witnessed the whole entire thing. Every slice. Every hole made by the points of his fingers in my intestines and in my stomach. I could feel my organs oozing out with each puncture. Sawing through my bones felt like sawing through something celery. Or a raw potato. I had become both meat and potatoes to this guy.

Cutting me open without any remorse for what he had done to me.

“Poor beautiful little boy—thinks he can get away with being so rude,” the nurse taunted me; I had no idea if she was Mrs. Snow or not, but who gives a shit. I felt him slicing down my legs, and in between my legs. It was like one of those slicers you'd see at the meat department in the grocery store, except I was on the slicing end.

“Take his flesh,” he told the nurse. “It's delicate and lush and healthy. He's perfect for cloning.”

“What should we do with his blood?” she asked him.

“Save it. It's been caught here, see? As for his hair—those black curls—take it to the seamstress for some sewing. We can't let any part of him go to waste.”

“But what about the rest of his corpse, though?”

I couldn't hear what he was saying because the pain was so monumental, so overwhelming, that I couldn't scream. I had been torn open and torn apart. Sliced apart and butchered like a carcass. My blood spilling over the edges of the table and down into buckets because they knew what would happen. My insides mutilated and used like they were nothing. Torn to shreds for nothing more than being me.

I couldn't scream given he was about to tear into my lungs and my throat. But I screamed anyway. I screamed as he broke through my ribs and punctured my lungs.

I was a dead man but I was screaming at the top of my lungs anyway.

If Charlie could hear me scream from miles away, then surely the dead would, too.

I shook myself awake and I stared into the darkness. I was met by the sound of the rain on the roof and Lars' gentle snoring. It took me a second to realize he pressed his heels against my stomach, which still felt very full. Careful not to wake him, I shifted over onto my back. I rested my hands on my stomach to feel the warmth and also if I was still intact.

The whole image of it haunted me to no end. Every time I closed my eyes I envisioned... that.

That warehouse. That everything about it inside of it. The things and stuff and stuff about things. Tearing my body apart for the sake of making clones.

Clones. Maya. Everything going down in ruins.

I lay there flat on my back and stared up into the darkness. I wondered if the clones had backed off a little bit because I needed to rest for a little bit. And I knew Lars wanted to, too. But then again, they were clones. They went haywire after a day and neither of us knew why.

I was too tired to ruminate over it so I relaxed a little bit more. I kept picturing it on the backs of my eyelids. The blood, the guts, the bones breaking and splintering apart with each cut of those knives, everything. At least it was a dream.

I felt something brush against my foot. I figured it was just Lars' hair as it fanned out from his head, but then I felt it again, and that time I felt it on my right foot rather than my left. I opened my eyes and glanced down to my feet. Even in the darkness, I made out sight of her head and shoulders as they rose up over the edge of the bed. She had this faint silvery glow to her that wasn't too bright, but bright enough for me to realize what she was doing.

Her gaping eyes. Her hair in the form of streamers behind her head as if she was underwater or caught up in a strong breeze. Her tattered dress, which made me think of girls who went to a girl school. She raised a finger to her lips and the black holes making up her eyes bled like mascara.

I ran my tongue along my bottom lip. It was the first time I had ever really gotten a good long look at Vera, given she always spooked the hell out of me. But even just laying there, I still felt spooked within her presence. I watched her fade away into the darkness.

I was alone again with the sound of the rain on the roof and Lars snoring. And at some point, I managed to fall asleep again.

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leigh-kelly · 5 years ago

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Showmance Transcript 6/6/19 Part 3: HEYA

K: Do you remember, I think it was during the pilot. We had lunch one day because we didn’t really have any scenes together. N: Yeah. K: And then my dad told me— N: Yes. K: My dad randomly—my dad was living with me at the time and he says ‘I met this girl who says she just—’ He was a car salesman at the time. ‘and he was selling this young girl a car, she came in with her mother—’ N: Dad. K: ‘And she said she booked a pilot called Glee’ and he was like ‘oh my son’s on that you should talk to her, she seemed very nice, she was beautiful.’ I’m like ‘okay, I’ll find her’ N: I’ll find her. H: And there were all these people. K: And he was like ‘I don’t know, she’s playing some character’ and I think he got the name wrong and I looked for you on the call sheet and I was like— N: Wasn’t there, babe. K: Yeah, yeah. I was like, he’s got it wrong or maybe she made it up like, she may be crazy. J: Yes! K: And then I eventually figured out it was you and then we were at catering one day and I was like ‘hey, I think you met my dad—’ N: Yes. K: Buying a car and then we’ve been best friends ever since. J: Is this when you bought the red Range Rover? N: No. Well, I never actually bought a car from Kevin’s dad. K: No, you wanted a G-wagon. N: Cause he was working in Valencia and I had actually met him before and he was talking to me about how his son was an actor too and he used to be in a group called NLT. K: Oh no. N: And I was like ‘okay, well I’ve met him a few times’ H: What a small world. N: I’ve gone window shopping a lot of times with your dad. K: Yeah. H: How funny. K: I love that. And then we like, sat down and had lunch together. N: Yeah. K: I was like oh, yeah, she’s cool. N: And we owe it all to your dad. K: Yeah, my dad. H: So this is the original showmance here. N: And you were like right around the corner from where your dad used to work, right? K: Yeah, it’s true. Yeah, he worked in a lot of places. N: Hey, dad. K: Isn’t that weird? J: He worked at the one over here by Podcast One. K: He worked over here, he worked at Valencia, he worked in Beverly Hills. J: Oh, Mr. McHale. K: Yeah, that’s right. I forgot about that. N: He keeps it moving. K: Yeah. Yeah. What were your guys’ first impressions of us? N: You know, you guys were, you know, regulars. H: I love how you just said that. N: I mean, regulars. H: No, it’s true. N: We were like, how do we infiltrate and say hello? H: You were like the untouchables for a while, you know what I mean? N: We were like, that’s who has the show. H: How can we get there? N: It’s their show. J: Oh my God! H: We were these characters the whole time, we just sat there like Beevis and Butthead. N: You guys were doing the first time we saw you, you were doing Don’t Stop Believing. K: Yeah. J: Oh, that’s right. N: Like the big number. And so we were like, oh my God, look. H: Yeah, we were kind of outsiders at that point. N: Yeah. H: I feel like. N: And then everybody like came up and introduced themselves and we were like ‘okay.’ H: See, I don’t even remember this. I think I was so excited and so amped at this point, I don’t even remember this day. N: The Don’t Stop Believing day? H: No. N: I do. K: I don’t remember meeting you guys in that setting but I remember shooting that obviously. J: Well that was a really long two days. Um. No, it took two days, and I think we did Don’t Stop seventy-five times. K: Yeah. H: I’m sure you did. J: I am not kidding. H: I’ve worked on a lot of shows lately that are not used to working in musicals and stuff like that and the amount of shoots you do in those productions that don’t understand that is just obscene, like it’s just thousands and thousands of times are you’re like ‘okay, if this was Glee we would be done in like, an hour.’ J, K & N: Yeah, yeah. K: That’s why Don’t Stop Believing took forever, because it was the first thing— N: The first thing. K: Nobody knew how to do it. H: Yeah. And then by season six, everybody—it took an hour to do one shot. N: Now that we’re professionals. K: Like music videos, sure, we can do that in our sleep. N: Yeah, I got it, quick eight count. K: Five, six, seven, eight. J: I met HeMo watching her on Good Day America dancing with Beyonce. I watched her. H: You watched me? J: They were like ‘you’re gonna meet this girl, she’s gonna teach you Single Ladies.’ That’s what I remember. H: Yeah. J: I remember you were really quiet but you were in this cool American Apparel onesie and you were teaching Chris Single Ladies and they were like ‘oh, I think Tina is going to be in this too, we gotta push her.’ I was like ‘goddamnit yes.’ N: So good. K: I remember when Heather showed up— N: Beyonce dancer. J: To teach. K: To teach— H: To teach the group. K: And I was like pissed that I couldn’t learn it. I was like ‘I already know part of it.’ I know some of it, but then I learned that you were like, a real dancer for Beyonce— H: Yeah. K: And I was like, ‘I’m never dancing in front of her ever again.’ I was in the back of the room, like, trying to like follow along. H: That was my favorite part of you, coming in and wanting to learn the dancers and being like, super eager. K: Yeah, cause I mean— J: Yeah, cause he was sitting a long time. H: Right. N: I know, let the boy stand. H: Let the boy stand. K: Wait, do you guys remember when the actual Brittany character was created? When you made it up in the back of the choir room? H: I do, yes. N: When? J: What? H: I remember this. K: You had a version of Brittany— H: Yeah. K: That was like, she was very confident, but just, not the brightest. And you had been doing it for us— H: I was doing it for you guys. K: --between takes. And it was so good and one day Ryan walked in and we’re like— H: Cause, that’s yeah. K: Ryan, I feel like it was Amber or something where somebody made Ryan sit down like ‘you have to watch this.’ N: Yeah. H: When he would come in every once in awhile and he would be like ‘entertain me.’ J: *Imitating Ryan* How’s it going you guys? K: *Imitating Ryan* How’s it going? We’d be like ‘Ryan, you have to watch what she’s doing! She’s hilarious!’ N: Like we were kids. K: He was like ‘oh, lemme see’ and you did it and the very next scene was a scene we were shooting, it was you, Jane and Naya like, doing some Cheerios scene in Jane’s office. H: Uh huh. N: Oh, I remember that one. K: And then the next day you told us he had you, he was like, throwing you lines to do as that character and you became the full fledged— N: He was literally feeding you lines. H: And he was like ‘okay, now do it a little dumber.’ K: And then you became Brittany. N: Brittany S. Pierce. Britney Spears. K: And I like how that’s possible for people. N: Very cool. K: At like, this gigantic, crazy ass machine that it was and an expensive show to put on, you could still have flexibility to— H: Right. J: Right. K: Like, oh, she’s funny, let’s just try this out. H: Right, right, right. K: I guess when you’re Ryan you can get away with doing those things. H: Do anything. I just love how he took from the fans like a lot our storyline specifically. N: Yeah. H: Where he really listened to them and he like, took their love for us loving each other and just made it into something huge. N: I mean, getting married. H: Getting married. N: Being a lesbian. H: Being a lesbian. One of the first lesbian marriages on national television. N: Wow. K: How did you feel, finding out that your characters were lesbians? N: We had no idea, and you know, we just go with the flow. We came back from, like, summer vacation and then Brad just passed me in the hallway and was like ‘yeah, no, by the way, she’s a lesbian now.’ And walked away, I was like— H: Just nonchalantly. J: Was it like, one of those Jacob Ben Israel catchups? Was that how we found out you guys fell in love or something like that over the summer? Remember those recaps. N: There was that phone call thing, right? K: Yes. H: I don’t remember. N: There was like, something about love and if that were true Brittany and I would be dating. H: Yeah, cause I remember the scene where you like, tell me you love me and you’re like ‘yeah, but you don’t say it back’ or something like that, ‘you didn’t say you love me back’ and I was like ‘of course I said I love you.’ N: And they’re like ‘let’s keep writing. Let’s see where this goes.’ J: I don’t remember any of this show, you guys. H: It’s hard, there’s so many moments. N: It’s on Netflix, Jenna. You can watch it now. J: It’s under gay TV. N: No way! J: If you search the category. K: That’s right. H: Oh really? K: My favorite category. N: Stop, that’s the funniest thing. Is it really under gay TV? J: Yes! Go look! N: Awwww. J: I’m gonna send you a video when I get home. H: Netflix! K: How do you search gay TV? How do you find that out? J: I just flip through categories because sometimes I’m like ‘I don’t know what kind of movie I want to watch’ right now, or TV show. So I’ll go through, like, crime, or like for Jenna, or because you watched and then it was like ‘gay TV’ and it was right underneath! H: Gay TV! J: Glee! And I was like ‘yeah, that’s about right.’ K: Yeah! N: That’s hilarious. H: Very well summed up. N: Not even musicals? J: No, they are under musicals too, cause I pass that category. K: It’s all the very niche categories. It’s like, gay, musical, that’s redundant.

#brittana #heather morris #naya rivera #jenna ushkowitz #kevin mchale

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slamsams-blog · 4 years ago

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Die Another Day - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond hits the low point this week with Pierce Brosnan’s swan song as 007 in “Die Another Day”. Oh man, there is just so much to say and unpack about this movie, it’s hard to put into summary every which way this film fails to deliver. This film came at a cross-roads for film goers who still loved Bond, but were starting to grow a little tired of the hokey-ness and sleaze of James Bond and were wanting something a little rougher. “The Bourne Identity” had come out just a few months prior to high praise for it’s hard hitting, intense, stripped-down style...it was fresh. A few months later “Die Another Day” comes out with an older Pierce Brosnan, some god awful writing and cartoonish cinematography. Change needed to happen, and this movie would mark the end of the sex puns, over the top gadgets, and far fetched scenarios.

Listen, I LOVE Bond. I really have a hard time saying a Bond movie is bad...but this movie. is. bad. This is a tale of two films. The first half is an action packed drama that is gritty, and dark and the second half is like watching a Joel Schumacher Batman film (the one where Batman has nipples). The plot is also a rip off of “Diamonds Are Forever” and constantly goes for the cheap pop - bringing out all the old gadgets and familiar looking scenes for the 40th anniversary of Bond. There is just so much trash talk to shell out here, but let’s start with the good stuff.

Die Another Day actually starts out quite promising and delivers a thrilling pre-title sequence with Bond infiltrating a North Korean Army base where he has stolen the clothing of a man trading African Conflict Diamonds for some weapons with a Colonel of the North Korean military and his stooge Zao. Bond is eventually found out but manages to escape the firing squad to chase down Colonel Moon on a HOVERCRAFT! Pretty neat. Colonel Moon eventually runs out of road and takes a fall appearing to be slain, but Bond is caught again by Moon’s dad and for the next 14 months, Bond will be held prisoner and tortured.

I always liked how they utilized the title sequence to take us through Bond’s captivity (even though we are forced to listen to Madonna’s over produced and just flat out weird song...what’s the deal with the random “Sigmund Freud” lyric?). Though the song is hard on the ear drums, it does a great job in providing an aura of despair and pain in the torture aspect of the title sequence...maybe because the song is torture?

We come back from Madonna, and Jesus Bond is now being traded for Zao who has diamonds permanently implanted in his face from Bond’s intrusion. This makes Bond angry and makes him question why MI6 would give Zao up. M is also pissed about it, it appears that there is someone who is playing MI6 for fools. M is so mad that she essentially burns Bond and relieves him of his 00 status, but this doesn’t stop Bond from forcing himself into cardiac arrest to escape and find out who is behind all of this.

See? Starts out great! If only they can keep this momentum going...(spoiler alert: they can’t)

Another positive about this movie is a great fencing scene with Bond and Gustav Graves (Toby Stephans). I've just always been tickled by how much this scene escalates from a little game of fencing to an all out sword fight. It is one of the few highlights of the film, complete with a cameo made by Madonna...something I’m sure she negotiated to sign on for the Bond theme. Get that payday, Madonna!

Well thats about all the positive I can muster for this film. It’s time to take the gloves off. Die Another Day’s wheels start to come loose when Bond is in Cuba looking for Zao...during this time, he meets Jinx (Halle Berry), and the dialogue that will unfold, sounds like the writer brought in his perverted nephew, who is just out of high school, looking to write a scene to get his friends to laugh when they watch it in his parents basement. Halle Berry is the victim of poor writing, and possibly poor directing, yes, but she also tries WAY too hard to be a cool, witty, and deadly agent. I’ll give Berry the benefit of the doubt to an extent, but I really think she just over acted here.

On top of that - Brosnan and Berry have absolutely ZERO chemistry. Brosnan is no spring chicken anymore, so we are supposed to believe a woman like Halle Berry would welcome the advances from a bird watcher in his mid-50′s who says Mojito really weird? Come on. And the obvious dick jokes and creepiness from Bond who is foaming at the mouth, desperate for sex after being tortured for over a year makes this scene so uncomfortable to watch.

But we later come to find out that Jinx is more than just a reincarnation of Honey Ryder from Dr. No...she is also a secret agent that seems to never take anything seriously and in the face of death by laser, still has time for jokes. We find out Zao is trying to do gene-therapy treatment to change his identity to someone else. Much like Colonel Moon had done, turning himself into the man we will come to know as Gustav Graves. The adrenaline filled, publicity junky, billionaire with an eye for diamonds.

Speaking of over acting, Toby Stephans puts out a good effort with the Gustav Graves character but he is just so over the top with his “evil” looks that there is no denying that he is indeed the villain. Some of the best villains in cinema and television are villains that get you to like them. They play to your emotions, let you in on their dark secrets, give you a smile and a laugh, maybe even make you connect with them in a twisted way...but Graves lets you know by his nostril flares and angry glares, that you couldn’t possibly like him if you tried.

Graves invites Bond to his party in Iceland, (isn’t Greenland the icy one?). This is when the movie goes off the rails completely, the second half of the film that looks like the props, sets, and lighting design were borrowed from the Power Rangers. This ridiculous ice palace accompanied by the super ridiculous revelation of the “Icarus” - a satellite made out of diamonds (exactly like Diamonds are Forever) is just so off-putting. The Icarus shoots a beam as powerful as the sun and can also be used as a freakin sun beam death laser from the sky. Yes, you heard that right. At one point Bond is involved in a chase where he is being tailed by a sun beam death laser from the sky. This leads to the most cringe worthy scene in all of Bond...Bond escapes by CGI surfing.

I’ve said before, one of the aspects of the Bond films that makes the series so successful is the heavy emphasis on real stunts. REAL STUNTS. Director Lee Tamahori thought it would be fun to amp up the CGI because he thought that CGI was the future of the Bond franchise, oh was he sorely mistaken. He also thought it would be a good idea to insert a bunch of slow motion shots throughout the movie, they were going for the ‘Matrix effect’ but it did not play well. It’s choppy and pixilated and just ruins any momentum they managed to build up - it just ends up being annoying.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Q Branch comes out to “Jump the Shark” by delivering an invisible car. Really? This is just another example of the theme of this film taking everything one step too far. But maybe you could argue that that is what we needed in order to know what our threshold as a Bond audience is. You could say that maybe Die Another Day was the most important film in the canon for that reason. Maybe Die Another Day was the sacrificial lamb to fall on it’s own sword to prevent us from going in that direction again, maybe...this movie SAVED THE BOND FRANCHISE??

Eh, Now I’m just devil’s advocating myself. This is thee worst Bond movie of all time and anyone who says differently has no idea what they are talking about, or are just trying to be ‘Ironic’, or whatever. This film ends with Gustav Graves becoming an electrifying super-shredder villain whose design was probably stolen from the Mega-Man video games. The final battle taking place on a plane that is crashing due to a window being knocked out and is also being destroyed by the Sun Beam death laser from the sky. In other words...more CGI.

And to top it all off, we end on another uncomfortable scene with Bond and Jinx again, spitting out blatant toilet humor dialogue making us think that they are getting busy, but it turns out Bond is just putting diamonds in her belly button (which she really wants to leave in for some reason). Traditionally, a Bond movie would end with some witty pun being the last bit of dialogue you would hear before credits, but this...I still can’t figure out how this left the writer’s table.

Bond: “I'm still not quite sure how good you are.”

Jinx: “I’m sooo good...”

Bond: “Especially when you’re bad.”

huh?? It’s not even a pun, it just doesn’t make sense.

Honestly, you can tell Brosnan is thinking “who the hell wrote this shit?” while he is delivering that final line. sigh. The good news is that we can only go up from here! This would be Brosnan’s final performance as James Bond, even though he publicly announced he was going to do another one. Didn’t quite work out that way, the film studio eventually phased him out, leaving Brosnan at curbside. Probably for the best, Brosnan was great for that time, but the pressure was on for change. And change we would get - with Daniel Craig.

That’s all for me tonight, let me know why you hated this movie!

Reviews from Friends:

Tyler Dahlgren

See I like Toby’s Graves. That guy plays despicable well (Black Sails anyone?). It’s the redeeming part of the movie for me. That and the car. I love the Aston Martins, let’s stick to those.

Andrew Albertsen

I think the whole movie should’ve just been about Bond’s incarceration and torture and eventual escape.

My Mom

Sam you don’t mention Rosemund Pike in your review. I thought she made an outstanding ice queen. This had its moments and I do love Pierce Brosnan as Bond but this film was way too long and too much continuous action. A person tunes out.

Jake Benrud

The end of an era. All the gadgets and the over the top villains complete with "diamond face" and a genetically modified psychopath with daddy issues. I don't understand why he needed to drive his car in the ice palace in the first place. Also, that was an epic dive by Halle Berry.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

Quantum of Solace

#James Bond #Pierce Brosnan #halle berry #Die Another Day #24WeeksofBond

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years ago

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You’re All That I Need Chapter 8 (Tommy x Nikki)

Title: You’re All That I Need Chapter 7

Summary: It’s the early 80’s and Nikki Sixx is in need of a band. There’s one condition: no other alphas. That should be fine, since he found three betas to fill up the lineup to become Motley Crue. Or, at least he thinks they’re all betas. A collab between myself and @callme-kaz2y5-baby!

Series Warnings: M/M smut (18+ only please), alpha/beta/omega dynamics, mpreg, language, slight drug use, protective Nikki, extremely funky timeline (might add more as we go)

The rest of the tour went by pretty uneventful, aside from a couple alphas checking Tommy out. But one look from Nikki had them turning their heads and admiring the closest wall art. Tommy hadn’t slipped into a heat yet, and both the bassist and drummer were a little worried the prolonged use of suppressants caused more harm than good.

“I don’t know what to do Mick,” Tommy sighed, laying his head on the back of the couch he was sitting on. “Nikki hasn’t had a rut to trigger my heat, and I haven’t had a heat to trigger his rut.”

“Have you done…”

“Yes,”

“And the…”

“Yes,”

“Even the…”

“Mick, we’ve done everything!” Tommy groaned. “Maybe it was a fluke thing…” He looked down at his hands. “Maybe I’m broken or something?”

“Look kid, we’ve got one show left. Maybe your body is just holding off until it knows you’ll be in a safer location?” Mick suggested. “We finish up in LA and you and Nikki can be safe in one of your places within an hour of the show ending.”

“I hope so,” Tommy looked across to where Nikki and Vince were talking about some notes. “I don’t want to lose him.”

"Let's get a move on, Mick, Tommy," Nikki shouted from the hall.

“Well, let’s get out there before he uses his alpha voice,” Tommy changed the subject. Even though, he honestly loved the alpha voice. It was time for the show to start, the last one before they headed back to LA, and home.

The guys brought it all to this show, no one looked road weary it was like the energy at the first concert of the tour, everyone was amped up. After the show the whole band spilled off the stage interacting with the crew and groupies. Tommy got separated from Nikki in the fray, and uncomfortably found himself alone.

Well not alone, alone, a sickening smell caught Tommy's attention, and he realized he most definitely wasn't alone and that was not his alpha.

"Well, well, I thought it had to be a lie that Motley Crue was traveling around with an unmarked omega.... but here you are, ripe for the taking." the alpha taunted gruffly while attempting to loom over Tommy. He licked his lips as he eyes roamed up and down Tommy’s body.

“Yeah sorry, I’m taken,” Tommy turned to head towards the dressing room areas, where he knew the big security guards would keep this alpha away from him. When he had shown his true self to everyone, Nikki made sure that Doc knew no alpha was going near Tommy without permission.

The alpha sniffed "You smell like the others but your not mated.... and I dont think your beta friends are going to save you." The alpha caged him in, Tommy was trying not to gag from the foul odor emanating from the alpha.

From down the hallway Tommy heard Nikki shout his name, he jerked his head to answer but was cut off when the alphas beefy arm cut off his air. "Your going to be my omega, as talented as you are I won't pup you right away, I'll let you bring in some money first."

“N-N…” Tommy was losing consciousness and he wasn’t sure if he was trying to say no, or call for Nikki. As black dots started to dance across his eyes, he felt teeth scrape across his skin and a tear fell down his cheek.

Tommy wasn't sure when he was able to breathe again it happened all of a sudden, he thought he was blacking out and then he could breathe, and there was a lot of shouting going on.

"The fuck do you think your doing to him, you fucker?" Nikki growled ready to rip the alphas throat out with his teeth for touching Tommy.

"You guys are the one parading an unmated omega around... you had to figure someone would come to take him. Now little beta walk away before I hurt you," the alpha snarled. Tommy slid down the wall, watching it all.

Nikki was confused for a second, then remembered the bracelet. It had the mixed scents of all four of them, and the alpha was too distracted by Tommy to pick up on the distinct alpha smell....and that was going to cost him. Nikki did something he rarely did, and let his alpha out completely, knowing soul deep it wouldn't hurt Tommy. Nikki's eyes flashed red, "you want to run that plan by me again cocksucker?"

The alpha turned muscles tense ready for a fight, but when he saw Nikki's red eyes and enlarged fangs he turned tail and ran. Nikki tried to calm himself down now that there was no threat and he heard Tommy talking to him, but all his alpha said was take, claim, mate.

"We....w...we need to go Tommy...I can't..." Nikki ground out, eyes burning fiery red behind his black bangs.

“Nikki? What’s wrong?” Tommy reached out and touched him, but his smelled had changed and it was starting to trigger something in Tommy.

"Nikki, Tommy there you idiots are," Mick stopped in his tracks, "Oh, fuck. Hey, we need to go, you guys need to come on and I'll get you somewhere safe." Mick watched Nikki prepare to hunker down and protect Tommy, "Tommy, Nikki's in rut, like he's gone, you need to get him to come with us before your heat hits or we are fucked and not in the fun way." Mick coaxed.

“Okay, I’ll try,” Tommy whimpered a bit. His throat hurt and honestly, he didn’t want to move. He wanted to be right by his alpha in this hallway. “Fuck my heats coming Mick. How do I get him to get away from here? Just walk out and he’ll follow?”

"Fucking idiots," Mick muttered under his breath, "Tell him your not leaving but he needs to come with you quickly, it will make you happy for him to follow you,” he directed moving down the hallway.

“Okay,” Tommy looked at Nikki. “Nikki, baby, I need to go lay down. It would make me very happy if you would come with me.” He took a step and Nikki grabbed onto him, not wanting his alpha to leave him. “Nikki, please. We need to go. I don’t feel good.”

Nikki could tell by the tone of voice the omega was using that something was wrong, he was able to tame down his alpha some. Tommy could see the natural green waring with the red, "Let's go quickly," Nikki grunted.

Mick thanked whomever was watching when they got Nikki and Tommy on the bus. He all but shoved them into the back and slammed the door shut.

"What the hell Mick?" Vince asked. “What’s going on? Why are we in such a rush?”

"Something triggered Nikkis rut, and he dropped fast, and was pulling Tommy into fucking heat in the middle of the God damn hallway.....that's what. I'm too old for this bullshit where's my vodka...." Mick ranted. Vince handed him a bottle to help calm him down.

"So I'm guessing we don't want to open that door for anything..." Vince confirmed.

"What do you think? Aw shit...radio Doc we need to hole them up in a hotel. I'm not riding all night on this bus while they fuck like bunnies." Mick complained. Vince nodded and went to the CB that connected to the bus Doc was on.

“Oh god, I’m so glad that we’re betas,” Vince groaned, closing his eyes. He missed the small look that passed over Mick’s face.

“You fuck like an omega in heat. I don’t want to hear it,” Mick looked around, finding two pairs of headphones for the stereo system built into the bus. He tossed one to Vince. “Get the music ready. We’re going to need this.”

****

Tommy had pulled Nikki into bed and stripped them down to their underwear. Tommy could tell he wasn't ready, but knew Nikki needed the contact. Well, actually, Tommy wanted the contact too, but not as much as he would if his fucking heat would just hit already.

“Nikki…” Tommy whispered, brushing his hair back. His eyes were a kaleidoscope of red and green. His alpha wanted to claim Tommy, make him his, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good right now. Tommy’s omega was scared, and it felt the bus wasn’t safe, despite his alpha right there. He wanted to be in a room so he could have his alpha to himself, away from rough alphas or even other betas.

The bus ride seemed surprisingly short. Tommy was curled up beside Nikki, the alpha on guard for anything that might endanger the omega. There was a knock at the door, drawing their attention.

"Can you guys get it together enough to get to a room?" Mick shouted through the door. Tommy felt Nikki shift beside him and his arms tighten around him.

"Yea, Mick but we need to go straight there you got everything?" Nikki shouted back his voice deeper than normal.

"I got you covered Sixx. I have your room key, Vince has the duffles, let's go." Mick confirmed.

Nikki wrapped Tommy in a sheet, but went without covering himself. It wouldn't be the first time Mick saw him in his boxers. He opened the door, and stepped through, Tommy followed him and once they were off the bus, Nikki wrapped his arm protectively around Tommy. Mick walked in front and Vince behind, into the hotel and onto the elevator. Nikki felt surprisingly comfortable around the betas considering the circumstances. A few minutes later saw, Mick was letting them into their room, built for mates in heat and/or rut and would keep the worst of the scent inside.

"I'll check on you guys tomorrow, there should be water in the fridge and protein bars near the coffee pot. I'll bring real food tomorrow. Take care of him Nikki," Mick ordered.

Nikki felt surprised that Micks order didn't piss him off, "I always take care of him. Talk to you tomorrow." was Nikki's only response before shutting and locking the door.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk @tommyleeownsme

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva @lesliethegroupie @deacyduck @scarecrowmax @major-tom-is-a-junky @anyasthoughts @bandaids-not-groupies

#you're all that i need #Motley Crue #Tommy Lee #nikki sixx #terror twins #tommy lee x nikki sixx #nikki sixx x tommy lee #fanfiction

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romancevsreality-blog · 6 years ago

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the bachelorette, season fourteen, episode one: i have opinions on greek yogurt

So they had to go and start this season by salting the wound of Becca and Arby’s breakup, didn’t they?

Welcome back to Romance vs. Reality, I’m your lead and only blogger, Amanda. Kill me now, we’re here for the fourteenth go-around of La Bachelorette, a carousel made up of social media participants and erectile dysfunction specialists. Our princess this season is Becca Kufrin, a last name I struggle with for no specific reason other than I just feel like I’m emphasizing the wrong syllable. Coming after Rachel, The First Black Bachelorette and Resident Queen Regnant of this blog1, and her, well, disaster of a season, I’m terrified.

I’m going to do a full analysis of our Mantestants later on, but I’ll put it frankly: I am not excited. I am newly single, and man. Pickings are slim out there. It’s dangerous waters, y’all. And I live in a city of like, seven million people. I can understand now why people find the first person they can in high school and piss on their legs for forty years2. Becca, however, dodged a bullet in this case, because Arby remains and always will be human trash. Oscar the Grouch literally lives in a trash can and is looking to get rehomed because of the association, maybe somewhere not on Sesame Street.

Arby’s legacy has impacted Sesame Street. And Oscar the Grouch is notorious for loving trash. I mean... same? But I do not love Arby. Arby is the human embodiment of Garbage Island, the island that is floating in the Pacific Ocean, collecting all of our plastic bottles and general other garbage and polluting our waters. Honestly to call Arby garbage isn’t ruthless enough. It doesn’t get the point across. Even calling him Arby, a restaurant that probably doesn’t deserve such a harsh association, feels cruel.

Arby is rubbish.

I mean, I know a lot of things about myself, but:

And Arby is the Standard of Trash To Which I Now Hold All Men. I will be ranking the men this season on the Rubbish Arby Scale.

Note: I am not even a full minute into the episodea, and I have a lot of feelings.

We have to relive the torturous final moments of Becca and Rubbish Arby’s relationship again, because ABC is basically going to milk this moment for everything it’s worth. We see Becca walking through some snow, searching for her future or whatever metaphor the powers that be are going after this season. She thought she had found her future, but nope! That future is off getting married to the human embodiment of an unflavored Fage Yogurt3. Becca is ready to find love because her parents were in love until her dad’s untimely death and guess what? It’s her turn now.

My favorite part of every season is the girls who are like, “I can’t believe I’m The Bachelorette? All I had to do was unleash a ton of my personal trauma on national television and ABC will pay me to wear sequin dresses and shank dudes’ hearts now!” I do love that Arby is actually banned from Minnesota, though. I mean, I don’t think he’s running to go to Minnesota any time soon, but the fewer options Arby has to spread his rubbish sludge, the better. We see Becca go through her Bachelorette Photoshoot4 and show how she’s a Strong Woman in both demeanor and physical strength at a acrobatic silks class.

I’m tentative.

Becca arrives at The Bachelor Mansion, where our three past Bachelorettes, all engaged but none married, are waiting for her with mimosas. Honestly, I would like to hang out with these three girls. Rachel and I could just... you know, be black together and I would ask Joelle about home design and Kaitlyn and I could dance. Tag me in, Becca. TAG ME IN. Rachel tells Arby to go fuck himself and basically is a queen the entire time. They all rave about the experience and how great it was for all of them - take away the fantasy and really consider real life. Rachel and Joelle talk about the fact that the women have a better track record on The Bachelorette (true) because they approach the situation with more nuance than the men do. And that’s true. To me, the men of The Bachelor are looking for someone to project their dreams onto, and the women are approaching it with a real sense of opportunity.

Rachel proceeds to sage the entire mansion, Becca’s ring finger, her vagina, and they’re never going to get rid of the stench of toxic masculinity, Axe body spray, and desperation. That’ll be there forever. That's in the fibers of the couches.

Okay, let’s talk about Becca’s first night dress. I know people are divided on it, but I think it’s a banger, okay? I mean, I wish it wasn’t ivory, but the all overbeadwork and the art-deco style is gorgeous. I also love the neckline, because Becca has great shoulders. The pairing of that with those dramatic teardrop earrings was stunning. It sparkles in the light, it’s a dress meant to be on television, not caught in a still shot.

LET’S MEET THE MEAT, SHALL WE?

First up is Clay, who is 30, and is a pro football player. Great, because now I have to worry about you getting CTE and argue with you about standing for the national anthem? Oh, Clay played for Detroit, though. I can’t be mad at him. Also, CLAY IS A DREAMBOAT. We see him at dinner with his family and his cute grandma. Clay is there For Becca, for sure.

We met Garrett, who starts with a Chris Farley impression. In 2018. A Chris. Farley. Impression. Chris Farley’s corpse is turning over and over and over in his grave. Oh my god, of course Garrett is from Reno. Reno gives me such Second City vibes. Not like the improv group, but like, the city you go to when you don’t have anywhere else to go, like Cincinnati or Tallahassee. Garrett is active because of course, but he wants a companion to do outsidey things with.

Oh god, we meet Jordan, who is 26, and a professional model. I already am going to safely call him this season’s Robb(ie). Jordan is the kind of guy who’s hot in certain lights but then other times you’re like “man, give some chin to other people!” He has a lot of chin, and his meticuliously carved “scruff” isn’t helping matters much. Oh god. Jordan starts out talking about his Brand, a phrase I only say ironically. I am literally shaking with rage. Jordan’s an unironic Derek Zoolander. He considers having to be tan and using salt spray to be “taxing”. He’s excited for once to finally be focusing on someone else for a change, and all he wants to do is sit on a couch with a box of chocolates with Becca in sweatpants and watch a chick flick. Jordan claims a lot of models don’t do that.

Someone want to notify Jordan that a good number of male models are gay men who would definitely do that? Anyone?

Next up is Lincoln, who we’ve already met on After The Final Rose. Lincoln is from Nigeria and he’s #blessed to be in the United States. He’s ready to get married and ready to settle down. That’s all. Boring. Joe From Chicago owns a grocery store, and as soon as this comes out of his mouth I’m in love with him. My full on Type is Man from Chicago Who Owns A Grocery Store. Joe’s ready to settle down and knows when he finds the right one, he’ll know.

Jean-Blanc comes on screen and I can hear my mom yelling “THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND AMANDA” from the six-hundred-something miles away that she is. Jean-Blanc collects “accoutrements”, and oh my god, my mom might be right. Jean-Blanc likes stuff. Watches, ties, cologne, all the extra shit no one really needs but it’s nice to have. I mean, I hate wearing perfume, but if a man can find a blend that works for him and isn’t overpowering? Great. Dope. Totally down. We see him opening Viktor & Rolf’s Spice Bomb, a Curve cologne??? And others from the Checkout Aisle From Marshalls and TJMaxx Collection. He’s going to “blow her nose away”, a phrase I’m shocked Jordan didn’t use because you knnnnnnoooow Jordan loves a little nose candy. Sorry, it’s true.

Colton is another football player so this season is full of men with experience getting concussions. Also, can we stop making men named Colton football players? Colton got injured in his last season, so he decided to give up football forever and now runs a charity to change the lives of cystic fibrosis sufferers. Okay, I can’t even talk shit. Damn charity.

Becca heads in the limo to meet Chris Harrison and the 29 other garbage men that will create the Advent Calendar of Regret that is The Bachelorette. Chris Harrison is on screen for the perfect amunt of time - like, thirty seconds, before our first limo full of mediocrity arrives. First out? Charitable Colton, who is firmly placed in the top two, officially. He wants to celebrate Becca being bachelorette and brought confetti poppers, which is actually not the worst initial interaction for these two people to have. It’s actually... cute?

God, help me.

We meet Grant, who both tells Becca he respects her for what she’s gone through but also wants her to forget all of it - way to help with THAT, Grrrrrant. Clay comes out and talks about football and makes a football pun and is cute and everything. Jean Blanc has a French name and teaches Becca some French, which is a mess. Of course, he has her translate “Let’s do the damn thing”, and god I hope it’s the last time we hear that this season, but that’s not true. Connor is a fitness coach and gets down on one knee in front of Becca. Don’t retrigger the girl.

Oh god, not even two mintes after I said I never wanted to hear “let’s do the damn thing”, here comes Connor with it all over again. God damn this show.

Another limo arrives and out comes Joe From Chicago Who Owns A Grocery. He immediately forgets what he has to say as soon as he sees Becca and JOE I WILL TAKE YOU. John walks the wrong way into the house, and Leo arrives looking like he was trying to do a Miss Geist from Clueless costume and forgot to do his hair before leaving the house. It is not a good look, I literally slid to the ground and cackled when he came out5. He proceeds to take his hair down and swish it around like he’s fucking Fabio.

Jordan comes out of the limo and Becca says hi, and he doesn’t respond. Because that is the kind of person Jordan is. He’s the kind of man who wants to say hello first. Jordan wasn’t expecting Becca to be wearing ivory, which is just a weird thing to say. His shoes are loud as fuck, too. Jordan spent six hours on his outfit and is like, “I’m wearing a grey suit, it’s daring.”

No, Obama wearing a khaki suit is daring. Klein Epstein and & Parker Suits are daring. A heather grey suit with a blue tie is like putting a jalapeno in your guacamole. You’re not exactly living on the edge.

Nick arrives dressed like a racecar driver because only assholes wear outfits like that. Nick is... god, I can’t figure out if Nick is hot or not. I do appreciate Leo being ike, “yeah, reminding this girl of her ex? NOT A GOOD LOOK.”

So of course Mike, the other long-haired dude with a fucking man bun in god damn 2018, comes in with a cardboard cut-out of Becca’s ex. STOP TRIGGERING THIS WOMAN. That isn’t charming, that’s weird. I didn’t look up my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends until like, a solid year into our relationship. I mean, it wasn’t the same way on his end6 but I think if I were to lead this show I’d specifically ask them NOT to mention my ex, if possible. Like, at all.

Garrett arrives in a minivan, and it’s full of soccer balls and a baby bag and he’s just trying to set the correct tone. I literally sat grimacing the entire time he was on screen. I hate Garrett already.

My second favorite part of the season premiere is the men being like “wow, there’s a lot of dudes here”. What did y’all expect?

Blake arrives on an... ox? After already meeting Becca with a horse at After The Final Rose? Becca’s right in wondering where he’s getting all of these animals from. I feel bad for the poor intern that needs to take care of Blake’s animals. Lincoln, the other guy who met Becca at After the Final Rose, and he brought Becca cake. Lincoln and Blake are both feeling confident because they’ve already met her before. We see a bunch of other dudes we’ve met before - Darius, Chase, Banjoist Ryan. The 24 other guys are intimidated because clearly they have some sort of leg up in the competition because they’ve been with her for ten seconds four months ago. I’m sure Darva Conger would agree with them that this is a solid grounding to form bonds over. It ended so well for her.

They basically show all the black guys back to back and a bunch of other nonfactors meeting Becca.

And then there’s Kamil, who is wearing sneakers with his suit and his job is “social media participant” which is effectively like putting “Air Breather” as your job in 2018. He only walks halfway to Becca and makes her come the other half to meet him, and then moves back further and is like “yeah, what about 60/40?” And honestly, this is the best depiction of heterosexual dating in 2018 I’ve ever seen and Kamil is literally telling Becca Who He Is in their initial interaction. 60/40, my ass. Becca is unamused by this and tries to turn it around on him, and he won’t engage.

Ya donzo, Social Media Participant.

Jake shows up, and Becca knows who he is. He’s an acquaintance and she’s confused because... Oh, okay? That’s super weird. I totally get why that’s weird. Production comes in with morbid music as a hearse drives up. Trent pops out and says he literally died when he found out Becca was Bachelorette, and I cackled. I can’t help it. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed.

Jordan is here to show off his sartorial choices and doesn’t understand the other shlubs who showed up. I hate that I kind of agree with him? But then again, I intend my wedding attire to be Elevated Black Tie. I want the men to show up in basically butler’s uniforms and the women to look like Lady Gaga. Just put a little more effort in - Becca’s standing there in a backless beaded gown, the least you can do is put on a god damn tie.

Oh, of course someone comes in in a chicken suit. David is both a chicken and a venture capitalist, which is my least favorite thing. He has to wear that suit all night long. Jordan is #unamused, which is hilarious. I do appreciate the “bekaw/Becca” wordplay. Chris arrives with a fucking choir who sings about getting a rose, and I’m just... Okay. This would be teeeeewwwww much for me.

Okay, we’ve got twenty-eight men. And none of them are winners. Good LUCK, Becca. Becca makes her first toast, and immediately Connor is the first one to whisk her away. The guys are genuinely shocked but y’all, that’s how the game is PLAYED. He opens a bottle of champagne with a kitchen knife, and it’s impressive, but not a saber like is to be expected or standard. Color me unimpressed, Connor.7 Clay and Becca play with Clay, and I love that. I mean, who doesn’t love adults playing with play-doh? Clay is from a small town and talks about his values and how they grew from growing up where he did. He talks about how excited he was to meet her, and I smile. Clay is too good for this show.

ONE OF THE DUDES MADE THE APP FOR VENMO AND WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? DAMN, ABC.

Chris uses the fact that his grandparents got married after two months and have been together almost 60 years to get Becca to believe that Chris is all about this. Chris looks far too much like Perez Hilton for my liking and just for that, I hate him with a firey passion.8 Christon is a former Harlem Globetrotter and so he’s gonna show her how he can dunk a ball from her own hands. He DUNKED Becca, jumping OVER her head, and it...

It’s actually marvelous. Like, damn. I mean, he’s a Harlem Globetrotter. He better be able to dunk on command.

Blake and Becca are on the same page, which is shocking because Blake is basically dressed like Hugh Hefner. Chris Harrison comes in, drops off the First Impression Rose, and walks out to go put his pajamas back on. All the guys are immediately shooketh by it.

Lincoln brought Becca a bracelet from Nigeria, and we get a montage of the stunts these guys are pulling to impress Becca. David the Chicken Venture Capitalist leads Becca in the chicken dance and we’re supposed to be impressed by him becuase he’s literally in a chicken suit but he has a Serious Career.

We get to watch the Anxiety Set In for the men who haven’t had a chance to talk to Becca yet, especially Jordan. He pretends like it doesn’t bother him, he’s just playing it cool, but come on. Garrett shows Becca how to fish, and if a dude did this to me, I’d yawn. Garrett reminds Becca of home, of her dad, and she thinks he’d totally fit in with her family. Oh no.

Chris / Perez Hilton / Ben Stiller in Dodgeball has realized someone is There For the Wrong Reasons. Chase, who met Becca on After the Final Rose, is suspected by Chris. I’m suspicious of both of them simply because they’re both from Orlando, Florida unapologetically. Chris knows Chase’s ex-girlfriend and apparently she told Chris that he’s just there for publicity. They all think Chris needs to confront Chase. I can’t tell you who told him this because we’re still at the point of the season where all the men kind of look the same. I think it’s Christon and Blake, but I’m not sure.

The drama has already begun. I'm sad it's not someone getting black out drunk like it usually is.

Chris takes Chase aside to tell him what the deal is, and Chase of course denies all of this. I mean, what’s he going to do, stand there and admit do it? He confirms he’s there for the Right Reasons, and he’s there for Becca. My favorite is that he admits to have been watching this show for years with his mom, so of COURSE he’s NOT THERE FOR FAME. I don’t understand this thought process as a defense.

Chase immediately runs to Becca to tattle on Chris for being skeptical. Chase, who looks perpetually constipated, never found out what this girl told Chris, but he’s vehemently denying whatever it is and isn’t That Guy, whatever guy his ex he only dated for a month told Chris he was. Like damn, Chase. You musta done something. Becca doesn’t really know what to do with any of that information because Chase is leaving out the part where he’s the asshole.

Chase goes and grabs Chris (????) because they’re settling the drama right then and there. Chase denies ever dating this girl with any kind of seriousness and they’re both... gross. Becca clearly doesn’t know what to do because the story doesn’t add up. If it was two years ago and someone he only a dated a month, what’s the issue at hand? It’s so weird. Becca is as turned off as I am, and this mostly reminds her of someone she met earlier that she was turned off by initially.

She comes to get Jake, because his intentions are watery at best. They have the same group of friends back in Minnesota but have never interacted, and so it’s super weird that he showed up here trying to date her. Like, dude, you actually had a chance before to at least try to. Becca doesn’t think he showed her any interest in the previous times they’ve met, and Jake doesn’t remember meeting her more than one time. He remembers one time they met, but not... multiple times.

I scoffed so hard a little bit of phlegm came out. TMI, I know. But still.

Jake is excited to be there and get to know her, but Becca isn’t on board, and rightfully so. I’ve had people meet me multiple times and have zero recollection and I’m offended. Here comes Jake, having met Becca multiple times and admittingly having no recollection of doing so, coming onto this show to try to date her? Really? When in real life he never tried to in the first place? Most people aren’t as transparent as Jake is with their intentions, but it’s so clear that Jake thought he’d be able to parlay the fact that they knew each other before into a relationship.

But if we’ve met before and you didn’t show any interest then, how am I expected to take you seriously now that we’re on TV? Becca all but says as much but tells him she knows what it feels like to have someone question her relationship with them and she’s not going to do that again. Jake tries to be like “but what about meEEEEEEE and MY FEELINGS” and Becca shuts that shit right down because she is not here for his whataboutism. Neither of them did anything when they met before, and it’s not about who did what in this scenario. She’s holding the god damn key and him coming on this show in the first place was fucked up. She doesn’t want to waste his time and knows she doesn’t see a future with him. She’s sending him home ASAP.

He tells her that he’s not the same person she met at some mysterious Christmas Party and has had a “transformative year” - uh you’re telling this to the woman who got dumped on national television, your transformation is nothing compared to hers - and he’s a different person. He thinks if they met again, it would have a different result. I’m sure it would, Jake, but you lost your chance. Sorry. He says he respects how she feels and he’s going home.

Jake was one of the most attractive men there, but man, this was G R O S S.

Becca announces to the men that Jake is going home first, and they’re all terrified.

There is a grown ass man with an “expecto patronus” Harry Potter tattoo, and yeah, he’s got some nonsense “it’s different in Latin” translation, but I’m just happy the black guy doesn’t have a Death Eater tattoo8. Colton talks about his charity, and the First Impression Rose is still there.

But not for long, because here comes Becca to grab it and offer it to...

Garrett.

All the guys are visibly gutted. I don’t know why, the best thing about Garrett is his tie. I love a pink and blue tie. He gets the first kiss of the season, too. Garrett’s thrilled.

Back inside, Chris Harrison has changed back into his suit for about ten minutes to gather Becca before the first Rose Ceremony. At this point, I also see a guy who I haven’t seen thus far, and went “PHOARRRRRRRR” because he was so hot. WHO ARE YOU, ANONYMOUS HOTTIE? I love that Jordan’s like, “It wouldn’t be fair to Becca if I didn’t get a rose tonight.” I’m on my third season of saying this, but I love when the contestants think their feelings matter at all in this scenario.

The Rose Ceremony begins.

Lincoln, Blake, Rickey, Jean-Blanc, Christon, Clay, Wills, Connor, Jason, John, Ryan9, Alex, Nick, Trent, Colton, David The Chicken Venture Capitalist, Jordan, Leo, Mike, and Chris all accept roses.

That means Chris’s plan to get rid of Chase worked. Which it never does. On The Bachelorette, The Messenger usually gets shot.

Bye to Chase, Christian, Darius, Grant, Joe, and Kamil, all to face the cold light of day. Y’all stayed up all night for this.

BUT NOOOOOOOO, NOT GROCERY STORE JOE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’ll keep you warm in those Chicago winters, Joe. Now that My (ex)-boyfriend Wells is dating someone far more famous than I am, I’m in the market. Call me.

This Season, on The Bachelorette: This season isn’t the most dramatic ever, according to Chris Harrison. This time, it’s an adventure. Lots of beach kissing! All the guys are like “Arby’s dumb for losing this girl.” Colton, Jean Blanc, and Nick all tell Becca they’re in love with her. And then - TEARS. LOTS OF THEM. Someone did to Becca what Arby did, and whoever it is, I AM COMING FOR YOUR EDGES. Lincoln is a liar and a manipulator? Jordan, who is clearly there to boost his modeling career, takes it very personally for people to attack his character on television. That… doesn’t help with people thinking you’re just there to boost your modeling career, Jordan. Colton, of course, is a virgin, and apparently this may or may not be a lie? Who lies about something like that? Becca’s pissed. She just wants honesty from these fuckboys, and girl, you better have stocked up in fuckboy repellent. All she wants is their honesty from here on out. And then someone’s getting taken off in an ambulance. But it’s all going to end in an engagement that has allegedly already been spoiled by TMZ/the Powers that Be at ABC trying to scoop Reality Steve, so that’s what we have to look forward to.

See you next week! It’s great to be back.

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Becca is only a year older than I am, and this is really sending me spiraling. I know we’ve had girls younger than I am on this show, but I never really contextualized that until I saw 1990 next to Becca’s name. I am so OLD.

This season’s batch of men makes me never want to be The Second Black Bachelorette™. If these are the best options, I’ll barf.

I know she’ll be on Paradise because come on no brainer, but man - I am so happy The Bachelorette is not Tia. Oh man, am I happy it’s not Tia.

I know everyone talks about how amazing Joelle’s hair is, but Becca. Gorgeous hair.

How tall is Becca? She looks like she’s my height.

Jordan is going to be this season’s Chad. At least we’re going back to the Douchebag Villain and not the Racist Villain again.

I really loved that all the guys were like “if the guy in a chicken suit gets a rose over me, life means nothing.” Oh, to have never struggled a day in your life.

Jordan, are you really a fashion model if you’re from Crystal Ocean Spray, Florida?

All of these men look like 90s Teen Film Villains. Like, this is a cast of Andrew Keegans and Paul Walkers.

Elizabeth who? ↩︎

I mean, kind of? No, I don’t. I really don’t. Can someone explain this to me? I feel like that’s resigning yourself to a lifetime of mediocre sex because you haven’t experienced anything else. ↩︎

I went with Fage because Bobby Flay, the whitest man I can think of, was their brand representative for a moment. Why is Bobby Flay the whitest man I can think of? He has a show where he literally competes with people to prove he’s good. I don’t need that, I literally have MY LIFE. ↩︎

Things that are interesting to only me: after two years of having the lead on a white background in a red dress (Joelle and Rachel), they’re back to the metallic-colored sequin dress (Kaitlyn and Andi), but Becca’s on a grey background. Both Emily and Desiree had what honestly looks like satin prom dresses from JCPenney. This matters to literally no one else. ↩︎

The least surprising thing about Leo is that he’s a stuntman. Of course he is. Stuntmen either look like him or look like... well, what I imagine Joe From Chicago Who Owns A Grocery Store’s uncles probably look like. ↩︎

boundaries.

↩︎

Some other guy who is a real estate agent is like, “you never buy the first house,” which reminds us this show is doing really good things for gender progress in America. (/s) ↩︎

Seriously, has anyone with a Death Eater tattoo realized they’re just telling the entire world they’d be a proud racist wizard? ↩︎ ↩︎

RYAN IS MY SECRET MYSTERY HOTTIE, OMG. I forgive his banjo playing, it’s not like he’s in Mumford & Sons. ↩︎

#the bachelorette #the bachelorette recap #reality tv #feels so goooood to be back #all of these men are trash #i mean has this show ever been full of winners?#i'm really terrified maggie actually submitted me for this #what if i get picked and i have to date one of these men #oh my god #kill me now #kill me

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Indie & Rio

Indie: where you left me to go mama?? Rio: aw bubba 😧😔 Rio: plenty of stuff in the kitchen if you ain't already raiding Indie: got my head in the fridge never over its madness Indie: 🍾 + 🍊 for breakfast innit 😂 when you lavish Rio: 😂 we on the champagne too Rio: calling a 2 drink max for you so you don't rinse 'em 😜 Indie: dont be lawin that for me too tho Rio: Bitch I is, keep up Indie: naaaah thats only a glass in each hand Indie: you got rules whenever you be but cant gimme none Rio: 😑 Rio: even you can't test me rn tho Rio: on ☁9 Indie: jam girl im playin 🍾 aint lush 😕 aint be telling mckenna that i cant hang w the poshos but fr Indie: is it? whats got you feelin higher than me? 411 Rio: not got dem mature tastebuds yet younger 😉 Rio: [Picture in the Tiffany shop] Indie: allow it i got 👅 that 💸 cant buy bitch Indie: what bling the boy tryna drop on you 👑 didnt even hear you arguing like 👏 get it girl Indie: guilt gifts be 🔥 Rio: Better than the 🚬 joke I thought you would Rio: maybe you are gettin so grown 😜 Rio: nah nah Rio: not even Rio: idk how to say it it feels surreal, like Rio: you'll think i'm playing fr Indie: innit tho 👵👵👵👵 Indie: ?? Indie: youre playing not to take me w to get a 👶 🎁 but you kno 💖💖💖 Rio: That is a good idea tho the price tag would have you shook Rio: [Pic] Rio: It's an engagement ring Rio: ahh I feel a bit sick Indie: YOUVE GOT JOKES MAN 😂😂😂 Indie: even mckenna aint that highkey he gonna proper wife you rn Rio: mad init Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Rio: promise Indie: 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Indie: bitch i aint wearing no dress to the 💒 tho Rio: i know Rio: but how you gon' be maid of honour if you don't? 😘 Indie: ill tax that best man role from other mckenna if you keep playing 💪😎😎 Indie: & i aint callin you mckenna now thatd be a madness of getting you caught up w that boy in convos Rio: Fine we'll discuss this later Rio: 'cos ain't like it's happening now so you know Indie: locked you down w out locking in a date i get it Rio: Yeah Rio: what do you think then Rio: honest Indie: its sick news Indie: the boy be acting right & appreciating what he got 👑👑💖💖 Rio: i'm so glad you think so Rio: thanks, babe Rio: ain't gonna make a big song and dance and tell everyone but i ain't gonna hide it either Rio: know everyone gonna have an opinion, again Rio: just can't get enough, clearly 😂 Indie: feelin the love that you spoke it to me Indie: the only opinion that counts b that he aint finding no better hoe here, in the 24 or anywhere Indie: facts Rio: You gonna make me cry and they gonna throw me out this boujee ass store Indie: wipe dem tears on 💸💸💸 so they kno you can hang still Rio: 😂 Rio: already gonna be out here wearing someone's college tuition on my finger like Rio: see why people do this more than once, get a nice collection going Indie: mckenna gon 😭😭😭 boy is soft Indie: dont let him hear you chatting bout no round 2 Rio: 😏 Rio: poor baby, don't be mean Indie: catch me getting married never i gotta live this thru you amp bitches Rio: Fair, didn't ever expect I would Indie: gon kick it old school like your nan 👶👶👶👶👶 but no 💍 Rio: 😖 Glad you out here thinking so highly of me bitch 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: is you got the fear tho for reals or nah? Rio: It's weird Rio: I know it's what I want like I didn't even think about saying nah but Rio: you have every other voice in your head saying it's too quick or we shouldn't even be together at all, you know Indie: i feel it Indie: i got em in mine tryna chat against everything i tryna do all the time Indie: gotta just chat back that they bein dry Rio: Yeah Rio: you right Indie: how we celebratin this?? thats what i wanna be knowing Rio: we should go out for dinner Indie: catch me thirdwheelin over 🍝 soz baby boy 💋 Rio: shh nah, it'll be good, there are some fancy places that do food you'll actually eat so we can live lavish Indie: tell him bring a friend if he rollin w any still 😂😂😏💘😏 Rio: Not tryna get you NONE at my engagement party tah Rio: get you fill o the food tho 😋 Indie: it aint gotta be heavy Indie: been long since anyone meshed me tho so help a hoe out Rio: hmm don't be tryna play addickted Rio: i'll get you a vibrator, like Rio: not to say go fuck yourself but Indie: 😂😂😂😂 when your ma been out for the day & brings home 🎁🎁s like Rio: pah, he'd actually die of embarrassment Indie: when you out your man as vanilla tho Indie: o mckenna Rio: I just don't reckon he wants to think 'bout you meshing Rio: no offence, like Indie: back trecking like its your job baby Indie: 👀 you & his ways Rio: 🙈 den gurl Indie: too late to swerve dat 🏩 Rio: 🙄 just be thankful i never brought it to ours when we was sharing Indie: safe Indie: I kno you in your ☁ rn but when you back cos shit b testing me & dat 2 drink minimum Rio: What's up? Indie: ex-boy got a new 💘 so he tryna pass my shit back but cos i aint there hes @ the squad & they vexed @ me cos of Indie: 💔💔💔💔💔 Rio: 😔 Rio: Are the lads gonna get it or nah Rio: Don't suppose it's worth seeing if Drew still wanna be Dad of the year one last time, like Rio: may as well use him if he's offering, yeah? Indie: things been heated since the 🐕 & what of mine they are holding so like no beef to the lads but idk Indie: am i tryna text him ever tho 😒😒😒 Rio: Yeah, we'll go 'round the houses when I'm back Rio: someone will go get it Rio: don't worry Rio: we won't be long now Indie: & like not tryna still have love for that boy but aint it mad quick miss me for a few after you dash me Rio: It is Rio: but I ain't surprised, it's how lads, esp lads like that, do Rio: doesn't mean it didn't mean nothing to him necessarily Rio: could still be crying 'bout it in your inbox in a few, not trying to give false hope even 'cos fuck him Indie: i dont wanna be hurtin over this no more Indie: gotta get not bothered Rio: I know Rio: fake it 'til you make it, babe Rio: all you can do Indie: innit tho Indie: tell mckenna to buy me bling too thatll help 😂😂😂😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: 'course Indie: not saying he gotta drop a rents worth on the drip like Indie: just how much he feelin Rio: also not tryna be your sisterwife like Indie: no mood Indie: he vanilla but i aint tryna compete w your moves still Rio: Teach you but I'd have to charge Indie: hes on daddy hype too hard i cant be chattin like that to him or no lad soz boy Rio: Don't really put you in any mood but 😒? Rio: Fair Indie: why drop 💸💸💸💸 on therapy when you can spend on 🚬 its all good Rio: It ain't Rio: but we'll make it Indie: you reckon drews gon show w 👶🎁🎁🎁 or imma be repin for the fam? Rio: I don't know if that'd even enter his head Rio: tbh Indie: she could ⛔ us all in a big sweep Indie: me you & him Rio: She could Rio: I don't think she will you though, babe Rio: not like you've done shit wrong Indie: she just aint about me Indie: i feel it w her too Indie: itll b how itll b Rio: yeah but she can't be that petty Rio: even if she wanna Rio: she's a grown ass woman Indie: neither of em out here acting like they grown Indie: why she gonna start when she have this kid Rio: 'cos she'll have to Rio: unlike Drew she can't just pass it around and hope everyone else does it for her Indie: yeah but she know your ma in law got her back & your real Rio: She can't let Bea raise her kid for her Rio: or Ma Rio: anyway, she's got too much pride in everything not related to Drew, trust Indie: tru Rio: I promise, it's gonna be fine Indie: i got trust in you babe thats how im here Rio: 💘💘💘 Indie: dont be letting it slip now you got 💍 Rio: Never Indie: its chill then Indie: what we tryna wear tonite bitch? Rio: got enough trust in me to lemme pick you up some fresh garms or? Indie: hmmm Indie: cos you in a ☁ yeah Indie: theres your engagement gift ✌ Indie: do it how you gonna Rio: 😂 you know I'm good Rio: and no 👗s Rio: not taking the piss Indie: 👀 Indie: no 🤡ing Rio: would I do a thing like that? Indie: nah but mckenna will if he gets pissy you aint shopping for him 😂😂😂 Rio: We already had to treat him 'cos you know Rio: men don't cuffed 'til the day of Indie: you rode him in there say no more 🤐🤐🍾🍾 Rio: 😂 Rio: Not what I meant even but not gonna lie Indie: 😏😏😏 Indie: i been knew Rio: Keeping it unpredictable is our predictable, babe Indie: you out there vibin 😍😍😍 its a day when you can be extra Indie: make most Rio: As if there's a day when I ain't 😉 Rio: At least my Ma can't say shit to me, she was a marriage and 2 kids deep by now with Eds on the way so Indie: his gon get vocal tho man i feel it Indie: 👀 his dad @ me like 😒 how she livin Rio: I know Rio: Hoping they don't notice, like lemme forget which finger this meant to go on Rio: 😬 Indie: she gon be busy @ the business end of her sis when we hit dubs you all good 😂😂😂😂 Indie: & you could always swerve it so the 💎 not facing out when they 👀 Indie: ✌ hacks Rio: am I tryna stop a muggin' or 😂 Rio: you jokes Rio: also never wanna think about her business end thanks 😷 Indie: innit her drum not got dem thin walls like ours 🙏🙏🙏 or they aint vocal how you and mckenna do Rio: Literally can't imagine how this baby came to be Rio: but I'm chill with that, I don't wanna Indie: used that medical shit fr he aint been near her thats how i clue it Rio: i'm creasing rn and can't even explain 'cos nah Indie: serious she that bitch you tryna lips her & she gotta go shower Rio: I know Rio: Childbirth gonna break her 'less she got that c-section on lock Indie: hit her w all the good gear 🚀🚀🚀🚀 Rio: Probably wanna do it without for the brag idk Indie: o snap Indie: truuuuuuuu Rio: She gotta be ready to drop any day, like Indie: 👀 &👂 Indie: we turnin up if she want us or nah Indie: how many mckennas 👶👶s you gon have? Rio: We'll be about, can't avoid School forever Rio: and shut up bitch 😂 Indie: cmon man i kno you 💭 on it Indie: he a pretty boy Rio: nah Rio: i got a life to live babe Indie: your ma been proved you can have it all bitch Indie: birth dem 👶👶s give em posh names & send em to fancy school like they da Rio: yeah n she given me enough sibs to never need my own Rio: not to mention all your drama 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: im a drama free zone now ty what you sayin Rio: whilst we in this postcode maybe Rio: but not for long babe Indie: nah for long imma be swervin that shit ✌✌ Indie: any postcode Rio: 👏 sounds good to me too Indie: got ink to jog me if i tryna slip Rio: yeah Rio: least you didn't get the M too Indie: like i been said id just put an a on it for that shoutout to my 3 mas baby 💖💖💖 all good Rio: there's always that Rio: if you really want you can add to it Rio: reclaim it, like Indie: hacks Indie: but i aint got no 💸💸💸💸 for Rio: I can pay Rio: or Ma would do it Indie: o yeah Indie: imma hit her up when we home Rio: Have you decided where you gonna be? Indie: mayb w bills cos she 😢💔 idk Rio: Yeah? Indie: if edie back then naaaaah Indie: or if drew been locked up can squat in the flat til it reclaimed Rio: We'll work something out Rio: I'll probably look for a new place Indie: you not gon move in mckennas dubs yard like you own that? Rio: Don't think the rest of 'em would appreciate that like 😏 Indie: other mckenna would rollin in that big drum solo gotta be dry Rio: Yeah still don't think I'm housemate choice no.1 Indie: thats her bad cos you 👑👑👑🔥🔥🔥👑👑👑 Rio: 💘💘💘 Rio: You biased Indie: nah i not Indie: im not here for drew just cos he blood Rio: Anyway, can't be presuming that's how he wanna be living, like Indie: is it? Rio: Yeah, he ain't coming here 'til October imagine if I'd legit moved myself in 😂 Indie: he put a 💍 on it how he not gon be down Rio: that's like rule no 1 init Rio: gotta make sure you've got your own taken care of in case everything goes tits Indie: safe Indie: 👑 moves be like Rio: If I really was probably shoulda said no shouldn't I Rio: kick it like his Ma Indie: if he wants a girl like his ma you need to have a convo Indie: that some freaky shit Rio: 😂 Rio: psych101 would blow your mind Indie: i aint even tyna kno what you mean Indie: old white dudes be cracked Rio: Yeah wouldn't have you buzzin' 'bout your daddy issues Indie: what they sayin bout? i wanna fuck drew now? plot twist fam Rio: you know Rio: we all do but clearly got it twisted 'cos my type ain't ever been my da Rio: no offence boy but Indie: your da be 😍😍😍 god bless Rio: have we swapped? 😂 Indie: he raised me higher than drew done so Indie: daddy caleb come thru Rio: 😷 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: Such a grown convo Indie: hoe im keepin you grounded Indie: livin that grown life 24 7 w mckenna Rio: tru Rio: it's a madness i should still be in school Rio: i feel so 👵 fr Indie: you is Rio: cheeky cow Rio: meant to hype me not wreck me 😂 Indie: he be too tho Indie: so tamed its a madness Indie: remember how he used roll Rio: well you know Rio: 😻 game so strong Indie: you no need my hype bitch Indie: you know what you done Rio: You reckon Indie: girl aint be gettin a callback you got 💍💎💎 & 💒 hype Indie: he kicked it long distance for you & he aint putting in effort no way fore then Rio: Yeah Rio: ignore me Rio: just the fear init Indie: get a new drink Indie: chase that Rio: 🍾 Indie: check your boy i bet he aint feelin no fear Rio: He wouldn't say if he was Indie: hed chat it to you Indie: that boy always talking Rio: 😂 thought you reckoned he was the strong silent type Indie: that was afore he was my new daddy Indie: now i 👀 Rio: 😏 Poor boy Rio: I'll keep it on the dl, protect his ego Indie: ill keep it uncommon knowledge to protect this roof over Rio: yeah, least wait 'til you safe in the 24 to be rude 😜 Indie: innit Rio: right, we heading back Indie: ✌✌ Indie: in a few Indie: less he wants you all to himself Rio: he already been had that Indie: he gave you 💎 you can give him a day 😂😂😂 Rio: is it? Rio: why you want air? 👀 Indie: jam ma im tryna do you & your mans a solid Indie: fore i 3rd wheel your nite like Indie: aint this bitch in your pocket & way when we rollin in the 24 Rio: hmm Rio: if you're sure Indie: trust Rio: then we'll be back with your garms and the reservation later then Indie: safe Indie: dont be doing anything i aint tryna Indie: 💖💖💖💖💖 Rio: 🧡🧡🧡

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 8 years ago

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Lets talk about yet another shitty CBR article shall we?

#15

Ben Reilly never had Peter’s memories of Venom and in Planet of the Symbiotes he did in fact bond with the Venom symbiote.

What’s so bad about this is the fact that CBR around the time of this article actually mentioned the latter storyline in another article.

#13

Yeah, Ben Reilly plans ahead. Spider-Man never did that. That’s why Spider-Man decided to drop out of college to support Black Cat, took a job working for the lab that gave him his powers in order to find out anything that might go wrong with his and MJ’s baby, and tried to get a permanent job to support Gwen when he wanted to marry her.

Meanwhile Ben Reilly is super duper strategic with his fights unlike Peter Parker.

I mean Peter Parker is the guy who spent time developing a device to counterpart Vulture’s magnetic harness in ASM #2 and invented an armoured costume in Web #100. Because he doesn’t plan ahead. Meanwhile Ben Reilly did this all the time like that time he presumed Molten Man was a villain and didn’t listen to Peter when he said otherwise, simply attacking the poor guy.

#12

Yeah Ben did tinker with his webbing but only because he had way more time on his hands to do so.

#11

Again, Ben never had memories of Venom. How could he?

Venom debuted in ASm #300, Ben debuted in ASm #149.

#10

Ben is objectively less intelligent than Peter by virtue of Peter having a full college education and a year of grad school under his belt.

There is a back up story showing Peter cleaning his and MJ’s apartment when MJ was not there. In a spec story MJ says she and Peter share the domestic duties.

Their apartment in ASM #397 was a mess because Peter was in the midst of a mental breakdown.

This is such bullshit.

Ben Reilly at best drifted from one meaningless relationship to the next before meeting Janine. They also drifted and lived as fugitives, faking their names and information. Janine died within 2 years leaving Ben bereft and depressed, but actually her death had been faked.

After that Ben Reilly in less than 9 months dated a few different women, the most significant ones being Jessica Carradine who broke up with him when she learned he was Spider-Man i.e. the guy who killed her Dad, the same dude who killed Uncle Ben and Janine who revealed she was alive and who soon wound up in prison.

How ‘normal’.

Why do people use USM as basis for shit to do with 616?

Ben Reilly literally considered suicide when he first learned he was a clone. In a flashback he said he was close to the edge if not for the help his friend Seward Trainer gave him. In Spider-Man Redemption he said again Janine’s death took him to a dark place if not for Trainer helping him cope.

Meanwhile Peter Parker/Spider-Man became grim and gritty specifically to make Ben Reilly look good and thus make him the replacement for Peter. So it was an act of sabotage.

Ben didn’t in and of himself reinvigorate the series. His introduction and the mysteries and possibilities of the storylines surrounding those things did.

Problems with Peter had fuck all to do with the ‘baggage’ he was carrying. The stories happened to suck because they involved idiotic robot parents is all.

The part about rebooting series to be Scarlet Spider books is especially piss poorly researched.

First of all it wasn’t three titles it was five. Amazing Spider-Man, Spectacular Spider-Man, Web of Spider-Man, Adjectivless Spider-Man and Spider-Man Unlimited all became Amazing Scarlet Spider, Spectacular Scarlet Spider, Web of Scarlet Spider, Scarlet Spider and Scarlet Spider Unlimited.

And it had nothing to do with Ben being a great character or so much better than peter, that change was done to emulate what had happened to the X-Men comics during Age of Apocalypse. It was an editorial mandate that resulted in the worst the Clone Saga had to offer.

And whilst those Scarlet Spider titles might’ve sold better than Spider-Man’s titles had for a long time maybe, just maybe, that had a little something to do with the fact that in the 90s and in the wake of the speculator boom all those Scarlet Spider titles got new shiny #1s on them.

Also Marvel weren’t ‘forced’ to make Ben the new Spider-Man, that was always part of the plan.

God, did this author do any research?

Ben Reilly let exactly two people into his life, Seward Trainer and Janine Godbe.

Ben was someone isolated and on the road who didn’t consider himself a real human being. As such he was desperate for family and human contact in a way Peter was not. Trainer as a scientist could also help him given his genetic condition as a clone and also helped him get out of a very dark place in his life, thus making it more believable that he’d let him in especially since unlike Peter he didn’t really have a secret identity to protect or loved ones to endanger or even a home to be vandalized.

With Janine he let her in for similar reasons but mostly because he was in love with her and was in danger of losing her if he didn’t reassure her that he cared about her and understood what she was going through to some extent. She’d just confessed to him her father had repeatedly molsested her as a child and she’d killed him in retaliation, considering herself a monster. Ben let her in to his past to show her that it was okay and that he’d felt not dissimilarly about himself.

Furthermore the article is so fucking poorly researched it claims Peter took forever to admit he was Spider-Man to MJ, except that never happened, MJ told him she’d always known. In fact the article even says that contradicting itself.

Peter rarely concealed his identity for reasons which were not understandable thus he wasn’t truly endangering anyone.

#Spider-Man #Ben Reilly #Peter Parker #janine godbe #mjwatsonedit #MJ Watson #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #venom #eddie brock #symbiote #Venom symbiote

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pafsins2 · 8 years ago

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Everything Wrong With Phineas and Ferb: The Best LIVE Tour Ever!

On March 23, 2014, I started Phineas and Ferb sins. 3 Years later, and I'm two episodes way from being done. Wow. But yes, it has been that long. Crazy.

I knew I had to do SOMETHING for it, especially with how close to done we are. And in the end I decided on this. Oh boy.

For those who don't know, there was a P&F Live Tour Show thing a few years back and apparently it was fun, and had the crew's involvement in some ways (like writing an orginal song for it) but got infamous to one certain thing we'll get to it.

So why not sin it? Before we begin, I must put an important note. I've seen enough scattered clips and such to have seen most of this, but I couldn't find one full video of the thing and I didn't see it live when it was around.

So I'll be using the Wiki's Transcript for this. So if there's any extra sins the visuals add or anything like that, sorry. Some may get in based on memory though, as well some clips I found.

So here we go!

1.Let's get this out of the way: The costumes are freaky. Some I get had to be costumes but some are just odd. Those eyes, man.

2.You know, Ferb, I cannot believe it's the last day of summer vacation “ Clunky exposition.

3.Also, it's the Last Day of Summer? I think they jumped the gun on that

4.”Have you ever noticed that audience before” Oh, we're going meta, oh boy.

5.How have they never noticed this audience? If this as seen as canon than this raises further questions. (It's their fault for starting in the show's style)

6.They can't literally break the 4th wall.

7.”I wonder why we never saw that before” These kids are not very observant.

8.Random dancers out of nowhere./

9.We got dancers dressed as Ferb and Candace, but not Phineas. Guess the Forever Summer line ran out.

10.The dancers are offically called “Divas”. Weird.

11. Random verse that is wisely cut out of the official version of this song.

12.”Those random dancers really improved our production values” There's gonna be a lot of “Good at sins” moments in this, aren't there?

13.Isabella doesn't question the audience or why boys look so freaky.

14.”How serendipitous/' Even by this franchises standards, this is a lot of lampshade hanging.

15.Baljeet doesn't see the up on stage but Isabella could.

16.”You like musicals?” Yeah you guys had some debuts together, remember?

17.Ha ha Buford is too big to fit down haw haw.

18.Kinda weird to hear Phineas singing his own theme song.

19.Stacy does not appear in this. Nor do Carl, Irving, or Norm. Or Vanessa, even though they do Busted later!

20.Phineas never questions who these strangers are, or anything like that.

21.”What audience?' You didn't see that huge crowd?

22.Show feels the need to play a clip of a certain boy boy in case you didn't get the joke. At least it wasn't One Direction.

23.Candace's speech gets more introspective than I expected this thing to be.

24.Weird to have only Candace on Busted. It kinda fits with that guide track that only had Vanessa though.

25.Phineas and Ferb are RIGHT THERE to hear Candace go on about how she'll bust them even though they aren't supposed to know about about that.

26.Again, Jeremy doesn't question any of these while some of the others at least question certain things.

27.The other songs at have the same singers, mostly, but the Perry theme is by someone else.

28.Takes forever for anyone to ask where perry is.

29.We start the Perry plot...only to cut back to the boys to randomly shoe-horn in Everything's Better with Perry

30.Again, weird to have Phineas singing the song.

31.And they randomly interupet the song for scenes of Perry doing action-y stuff.

32.”actually it was that kid in row three there,' Wait, is OWCA employing human kids now? Or is he just take Intel from some random kid for no reason?

33.Does controlling an audience sound “harmless' to you?

35.Monogram questions the people watching them but does nothing about the thousand of people who they just blew their secret on.

36.They explain how everyone else becomes “real” but not Perry.

37.Perry random moves and suddenly he's at DEI.

38.Is Perry blind?

39.If the audience actually reacted the way most people would, this joke would be ruined.

40.Even in the live show, gotta have our tragic Doof backstory.

41.I've heard your songs, you've got tons of talent/

42.Instead of writing an original song, they just recycled random Broadway songs.

43.Okay the chorus girls make sense this time but it's a cliché so I gotta sin it.

44.Oh come on, even this has the quirky worky song?

45.”Yeah, where do they keep coming from?” You can keep questioning it, but you won't really do anything about it.

46.Yes Phineas, stopping to party will give you ideas. What a contrived way to do the interrupting Ferb gag.

47.Backyard Beach is slightly extended just to pad this out.

48.The wiki's Transcript is clearly some words, like how they say Buford says “I wanna ride hootenanny!”

49.Fitting, as this whole show is a bunch of ideas smashed together.

50.Phinbedroids and Ferbbots...for no reason.

51.The machine just kinda knows when the audience needs a break.

52.So wait, you won't include Norm but we do have this random Goon we've never seen before?

53.”So, to get some people up here, we told them they won the award for the "Least Fidgety Audience Member", and they fell for it” Seriously?

54.”An award for sitting in a chair and watching a show, is that what you were expecting?' Even Doof agrees with me.

55.See this is where the line between live show and actual story gets blurred. In the the “story' these people should try to escape but in the context of this show it would make no sense so....eh?

56.Wouldn't it make sense to put Gitchie Gitchie Goo in the main plot? Especially since they interrupt it for random music.

57.Baljeet had all this time and he didn't use the bathroom?

58.”And nice Recap Candace” Haw haw. You did this joke be-oh...this came first? Okay then.

59.”Even bigger!” “Here I come!” Uh....

60.”That was my foot” Wow, what careless jerks.

61.What's the point of using certain songs if you're just gonna change them like how Truck Driving Girl is now Truck Driving Boy?

62.They put in a Bollywood Baljeet number as in idea, but they don't sing Destroyed Dreams or even Rubber Bands.

63.Changing the song is enough of a sin on it's own by changing Disco Miniature Golfing Queen to King is even worse.

64.”Alright, bring on the pants!” That sounds...wrong.

65.”Even Stacy wouldn't wear these.” Screw you too,. Candace.

66.Candace, who is voiced by Ashley Tisdale, sings Fabulous. That cannot be a coincidence on their part.

67.”My pants show is perfect! Except for the changing clothes in front of thousands strangers part.” …..Woooooow.

68.Candace, you do recall your past history with animal and pants, right?

69.Random new song I was not warned about.

70.”We don't care if they carry disease' ….You should.

71.Candace forgets her fear of Squirrels for the sake of this obvious set up.

72.”I like your new dance moves” You saw them get into her pants, idiot.

74.Yes, mash up tons of ideas at once, nothing will go wrong. Oh hey, something goes wrong.

75.”How hard can it be? That's like the worst rhetorical question ever! That's not even rhetorical!” Candace is again doing my job for me.

76.We already heard the evil jingle, why do it again?

77.Goodbye Goon, no one will miss you.

78.”I cane-not believe you escaped.” Booooo.

79.This fight is not meant to make a whole lot of sense but the Pong bit is pushing it.

80.Lightsabers, a year or so before Disney bought Lucasfilm, whoa. (Yes, they've done SW references before but those are quite literately light sabers)

81.Wait, so they're in space or something, then Doof just kinda flies away. What the heck is going on? The wiki does not explain this too well...or the full video of the spanish version I found.

82.Whoa whoa, why did they walk away to Dei? They must be there if they find the inator.

83.Also, Perry forgets to destroy the inator for the sake of the plot.

84.”What are the chances in finding this?” “Probably 1%” Yep.

85.They push a random to a strange machine they just found.

86.A bit dick-ish for them to play with her like this.

87.”If we maximize this device to 25 million AMPS, we might be able to control the sun!” ….No.

88.First off, they can make it a sfunny as they want but since parts of the world have summer during our winter, the weather can't control when schools decide to have vacation. This is a very flawed plan.

89.But...uh...wait... the happy ending is that Phineas and Ferb make it Summer forever? ….That's...not happy. That's incredibly horrifying for so many reasons. Just...wow.

90.The opening lyrics to SBTY don't quite fit for this situation.

91.”Now the sun has set on this another extraordinary day. “ No, it hasn't, you just stopped it from Setting forever!

92.Doof's back, somehow, for no reason.

93.Uh, Perry, why are you in agent mode in front of everyone?!

94.A bit random to play Follow the Sun NOW but okay.

95.”Needlessly long final blow/curtain call “Cliche!

96.I'm shocked Baljeet didn't piss himself during all this, honestly.

97. And the how ends with the sound of a toliet flushing. Fitting.

I had some chances for sin reductions but I'll put it here cuz there's some good moments and overall, this does well for what it's doing.

LIVE SHOW SIN TALLY: 96

SENTENCE: Hit by the audience control-inator.

Wow, even I didn't expect that many sins. That's more than Mission Marvel and SBYTY, to give you can idea of where it falls. This was different but fun. Honestly, as a live show thing it's decently enjoyable despite the costumes and the ending. The format made it odd to sin but ah well.

Hope you enjoyed this as a year 3 anniversary thing. This has been a fun journey and it'll be sad to see it end. But I'll save the cheesy stuff for Monday. Until then, got some wins for the weekend to tide you over. Be sure to binge all my posts to build up to the finale!

So...goodbye then.

#special sins #Phineas and Ferb #Phineas and Ferb Live

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artist-x-j-roman-cain · 8 years ago

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Joker’s Wild

My name is super-unknown so I will shoot for the dome Aim through the window pane; leave two frames blown I am not Strange. But I will not change tones Proclaim Roman Reigns in any home Entertain through tomes Enter veins then splinter brains Highest on this sinner plane Center plain or inner sane? No. A soul so cold not even So Co Could help warm; dealt thorns Some have sworn tales, yelling “He’s loco!” “Si y yo soy el lobo feroz” Ferocious flows; ojos rojo Toke and choke on top rank dodo Coca blows? Mi es cabron? Oh no! Blow Coca? Por dinero? Best go hoe! Yo soy Joe Schmoe? Asi-asi? Si puto derecho! Direct foes, “vete a la mierda, conos”! Artista X es el Rey de todos los Reyes Sooth-sayer and smooth player Granuja de platas de lengua Ladies spreading legs, begging me to say yes. Weigh less than many but don’t call me mini Not one to waste pennies Immobile blades, not choppin’ on 20’s Mobile stays paid; minutes got plenty No cash in the bank; gas tank close to empty Yet more retail sells in smells than Scentsy My girl is a fine dime that OG’s envy Eyes green, hairs red plus always wet and sticky Ever leaving; burning and hitting like a heathen But she keeps returning Even after pimping her out for earnings Yearning for touch; by lips or finger tips She’ll learn you quick; bi so no bias when she unzips She flips all day but still chills at night Herb Knight in hempen armor Helping get over bored again Charming prints, used to disarm alarms Prince Charmin to soft; armaments’ armed Minced off the first cut; rinsed off like shit stuck to shoes In truth, I like going overboard and harming Like Carmen, no one knows where to find me Moving timely; double check nobody’s behind me Grinding to shine even when it isn’t Vision remastered after seeing how biz went? To guzzle gents jizz for cents Rather stick a muzzle in my mouth Than ever be asked where my fizz went Dissident miscreant because of medicinal Treants Gorgon like stoning; after all spinach is full of nutrients Beautifully bent; fine line between genius and insanity Underhandedly taking the lead; never mistakenly Make me your nemesis; own worst enemy to y’all I am limitless Illogically break chronological fate with paradoxical Genisys Forget Quicksilver; Wells wished in inventing this Luxury Mercury? Have H.G. mad as a hatter for penning this In lieu of Carrol; songs full of apparel Only autos should be tuned Putting hair pulling bitches on alert Better be careful Have them pissing; scared to twist up fisticuffs Baring tools; afraid to get face to face But I’m very cool; only thing up my sleeve is an Ace Thumping with my trump; then use the same spade to bury fools Joker’s wild; and I’ve been told the same Smoker’s smile plus a laugh cold and insane Broken stiles; never hold a flame to gain change Opening Styles all about showing up the Game At the Helm with a death wish like I’m hunting a hearse DRAC is the realm’s realest; still instilling hurts Curt versus legends or virgins; using perverse verses to abuse With no aversion to cursing this rough draft also the final version Shaft tough? Yes, when driven by me Not black enough to say I’m the bad-dest “shut your mouth…”, you see Keep it juicy; not goosing Lucy Truthfully I’m a prick spelt with a capital D Biggest you’ll meet; and above average in meat No need for lies; I know I satisfy Don’t believe me honey then come and see Relieve your cunny, have you cum a sea Endless returns like it’s my company Charge your Chakra; currently cum for free Currency for free milk? Then you can go ahead and get stepping permanently Ash into your urn Every sentence further sentencing eternity Hurting disconcertingly Adverting attacks; not possible when concerning me Genuine article Smashing particles like the Hadron at CERN discerning Emcees Splitting atoms While batting back at’em; scat’em like a cat. Kill every vermin I see Shivering cowards While stylishly delivering streets sermons for fees River of power That is, a strong flow with undertow current; currently Amped up Have them clammed shut; in bomb shelters like the emergency Is national But it’s natural to run urgently when faced by the beast from the murky deep Heard of me? Or been hurt by me? Try me when unworthy and meet A brief defeat By these feet. So take a seat or be beat down vertically Post mortem surgery Quicker to dig six one by ones; bury you very dirtily Curtly asserting Your curtains but far from my encore that’s a certainty Unmercifully Murdering psyches with words alone. Spurring the weak To purr back meek Lying while trying this Lion; King of Zion. Tired of burping these Babies and toddlers Going crazy searching for grown talent; licking talons and fangs thirstily Unnerving these Kids; knowing their lids will get peeled. Villain killing purposely Have curs cursing me Speaking cursively, curbing cohorts. Quit if your nursing teats Hyperbole Not when measured in pen; sink non-thinkers with ink poisoning Vent venom vehemently; little girls and boys playing with alloys Should quit banging noise My thoughts and voice concise Eyes on the prize; ions spliced off and thrown at my enemy’s head Radically rendering your ending; lending the term walking dead Stocking meds by the O-z From North of the O.C. Only importing the best, from Valleys’ in Cali to Co-towns alley’s G-13 and Maui Wowie The Doctor’s in Get re-T.A.R.D.I.S.; needing starting? Got Diesel too if you need to rally Tally the score Weighed straight, bud and not shake with proper tear drops; plus, I don’t dilly dally True wild card; evolved in being involved in anything called sin My balls’ in court never Alcohol in blood no more; instead soar above but feet still on the floor Claws in the ground This is my town. Come down sounding hard and I will leave you scarred With the loss of your crown Scalpel scalping. And if the laws in the Mudd come around? Still won’t be found. Proper noun; capital Artist using absurdly sharp wit for getting capital Known for ripping sharks to bits Sparks will arc; marked by X then know next your neck Will be stretched regardless Of your guards. I'll march right through your gardens. Embrace mayday Because by melee I have been hardened Leave them marveling at my carvings which cause starving Hungry but not eating beef; these freaking vegans are retarded Believe it’s better to give than receive Seas get wetter from here; forever in gear Achieving whatever I can perceive Seize vets ahead of my years; too clever for peers Deceiving none, yet some sectors still don’t bet on me Sieges settled in letters; vendettas never feared Easing at leisure; proceeding on with no etcetera Seasons become bygone; seasoning legions of chickens so long live Cain, King of Weird Erecting a dynasty Weapon selection is free form daggers called forth from the Nether Injecting arsenic Martial arsenal; impartial to arson. Coolly pulling the lever Irreverent to me Intellectual elephant and elegantly eloquent. Resisting transistors Close circuit Verdict shows consequences for the inoffensive; tethered to weather through endeavors On attack like a shredder Chipper sure as this plot runs redder Splendor found in splinters Cheddar made grating big cheeses Donning black and green Stripping clubs; beating pussies together Surrendering before being engulfed in embers Hand over your tender or be berated by Poetry, mixed with soul of the street Wholly complete when competing against the elite Never miss a beat; a capella teller Fellas that think they can swell up; one hell of whale tail Shelling out pain on the jealous Overzealous never. Well prepared with an umbrella Real life, not a telenovela Jotting rotten embellishments; relishing propellers developing yellows Punks pissing themselves when warships need worshipping Blood, sweat and oil mix Until the ill contents become flammable And all the malcontents Bow out; knowing good and well I’ll damn a fool Or a damsel If you think you can lay hands on me; your delusions are fanciful Panty puller Revealing fraudulent broads; inflict wounds that will require some gauze from the gods At odds with society Believe working a desk is a probity And I’m a writer Some consider a prodigy My odyssey cementing my property Foundation laid in Don't play pretend; make fake men Or women Shed their linens. Hollering no apologies; now follow me Make a joke out of any lesser F-5 force like Lesnar. Why so serious? Uncrowned underground jester Bound to pound the pavement With your cranium; straining some with that statement One truth inevitable Julian sliced in way that was absolutely unforgettable Unintelligible Little bulls should quit being foolish before getting whipped cool and made edible Cannibal but not named Hannibal Mechanically distributing electrically compressed waves To enslave your ladies Into behaving like a cowgirl; riding this bull and craving these testicles Undressing tools Cunning tongue; expelling fantasies for sensational pull Lessons blessing illiterate fools Honeys’ dribbling from touch so much they create literal pools In Sin City I rule Will not pity the drooling class; passionately fashioning Jewels Fastening dull blades To this mental lathe to gain edge; allegedly dredging up the typical Satirical lyrics searing spirits Phantom fandoms abandoning idols idling when I crash tidally Spiritually binding Ritual sacrifice; decisively knifing as if practiced on the habitual Basis. Run races never. Pace to slow. Basics way below. Spacing pros with tasteful prose Also slaying joes Embracing complacency only stagnates; changing notes lead to growth Flaying bros even Must stay on toes or fade; daily dough made by not taking a doze I only dose With Mary. Quite contrary to hoes bickering about which nose I’ll be sniffed through Some into inducing rushes via sphincter Keep your stinker away Couldn’t be helped with a bleaching tincture Suffering puncturing For lunch bringing nothing but punch and knuckle sandwiches Damn bitches. My hands twitching, itching to do ditch digging for snitches with no steel brandished Have no advantages Loose leaf my canvases. Not afraid to get scandalous; know y’all cannot handle this Gargantuan tarantulas Manhandled like tea candles as I dismantle men easier than destroying a mandolin Banding in Only amplifies the likelihood of meeting a random end Ranting and rambling Gambling when I'm done that you won't be able to keep ambling Knock you out in your sandals when my spit hits like an Ambien Watch me trample them; sampled but never sampling Entranced with sin Dancing in and out after romance ends Lancing them then off to the stands again Slanted bantering Can offend but also bend inhibitions; renditions of wishful visions and being the one granting them Dammed if dim Stranded in damages; can't get cantering, this Cancer managing Standards that can spin Rabidly rapid; static shock and awe. Addict not dropping off. Elaborate pens Radically pin backstabbing bastards; infinitely outlasting Simultaneously lashing Latching on with a firm grasp. Grabbing and toe tagging then afterward bagging them Meet my jagged friend Egging on until calm is Gone with the Wind On to win That is, magic tactics Exacting backward grins as in upside-down frowns Should I explain that again Batting bad men with a racquet like it’s badminton The raconteur bracket designed for the rhymer in his prime; letterman jacket Personally fitted Custom colors; clique unaffiliated but true Paid dues for these suede shoes Ensue wrath, crossing paths with me. Be phased through. Displace you Vibrate at a rate that frequently frequencies disintegration Blazing you with phazers set to stun Yep son, better run because here I come to erase you Each and every angle will be tangled with Break both ankles Then add in the mad tendency to strangle Take your Angel and go Jangle out the last bit of blood. Lots of love for being painful. But just be thankful Only got your bank; sank like the Titanic. Hitting like an ice cold tank; you're a lukewarm row boat frozen exposing you're shameful Wordsmith, perfectly working an anvil Not a man to steal; but guarantee I can and will Drop your body in a landfill Stop talking, get to walking; gawking awkwardly At the oddity who stands steel Resolute in Will; if looks could kill Mine would; shooting villain’s long as I am still in Adrenaline pumping; dumping loads of shit. Here’s the damn deal Entrepreneur Grade A manure; never has there been a truer Entrees pure Bade losers farewell; after a push down the stairwell Never been surer Any assurances weren’t accounting for me and my allure Got your cure For being average; lock you in a fridge and drop you off a bridge. Got the top rung secure And I haven’t been on tour Demure nature? No. Bigger ego than Troy McClure Stopping simpletons, pop them like pimples Catching them in the temple; listen as the song of a fat minstrel ends Stenciling by pencil Lengthy dismissal brought about by drizzling In a million missiles These difficult insults leave individuals’ pissed; the gist is: their coined phrases aren’t worth a single nickel Series: X Sin-to-Mint Artist: Artist X (Justin Roman Cain)

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christhatcher · 8 years ago

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12 albums from 2016

These aren’t in any particular order. I have, and continue to, love them all. If I’d have listened to the Mammoth Weed Wizard Bastard album more often I reckon that would’ve got in too. Unfortunately I do a lot of listening to music in the car, and I’m perpetually late for work, and it’s impossible to drive at anything approaching the speed limit when you’re listening to an album by a band called Mammoth Weed Wizard Bastard.

Underworld - Barbara, Barbara We Face A Shining Future

Oh Underworld you've soundtracked many significant moments in my life from the 90s onwards, and as we both get older you keep reminding me that youth and fire in the belly aren't the only ingredients necessary for making vital music. Underworld have blown me away again with an album which finds them at their most intimate yet transcendent. To my mind that's the perfect balance to pitch on an album that takes its name from some of a husband's final words to his wife.

The lyrics to Low Burn ('Time, The first time, Blush, Be bold, Be beautiful, Free, Totally, Unlimited') could, in the wrong hands, all too easily find their way onto a platitudinous meme but they sound vital in the context of the tune, a cresting wave of synths, strings, bass throb and eventually Hounds of Love toms. The perspective shifts on the penultimate line to include, "Panic, craving, nothing... Time, the first time..." and it transforms the vocal from a call for the Living to one that seems to encompass life and death's full cycle. Played back to back with Nylon Strung, whose refrain 'I want to hold you, laughing' assumes a mantra like quality, the two tracks feel like a compellingly heartfelt plea to embrace utterly the short moments we have.

David Bowie - Blackstar

We will never see his like again. To some extent that’s probably true, but that’s because Rock n roll is now nearing the point of anachronism; it's passing is inevitable but not something to mourn. We can't be forever young and full of piss and vinegar and I think if you're determined to be 18 till you die you've set your sights pretty low. I actually hope that the future of expressive culture lies not solely in the hands of men and women on raised stages preaching to the masses but in increasingly indivisible hands and minds brought together and operating in the spaces where the real and virtual world blur. I hope it's a place where individuals come second to the product of expression. In short, I hope there isn't another David Bowie. I love the guy (as much as it's possible to love someone you've never met), but I hope that before too long we no longer require these figureheads to align ourselves with or against. I want his work to survive and be celebrated but I hope that the culture he sprung from baffles my descendants, because there's something rotten about our obsession with the shock of the new that is the third quarter of the 20th Century.

Jez: Look, Mark, I'm a musician, in case you've forgotten. I answer to a higher law, the law of "If it feels good, do it."

Mark: Oh, that's a great law, isn't it? What's that, Gaddafi's law?

Jez: It's the musician's law. Colonel Gaddafi could not lay down a bass hook, Mark. That should be clear even to you. - Peep Show (series 3 ep 5)

It was the shock of the new, not a Solomonesque cultural cache. And now the world is moving on. Not diminishing in talent over time as we speed further away from the grand ejaculation of the Big Rock n Roll Bang. Music hasn’t descended into an over reliance on auto tune, or computers. There isn’t a dearth of ‘real’ musicians learning ‘real’ instruments, learning their song ‘craft’… ‘organically’. The world is moving on. But still we get to listen to the fucking bullshit put about by old people convinced that the brief period when you’re most emotionally engaged in the cultural stimuli around you happens to be the apex of civilisation; and you should never underestimate a Baby Boomer’s ability to slip a pair of rose tinted blinkers over your eyes when you’re moving into the crawl space they’ve rented out to you from their burgeoning property portfolios (Hippies and Yuppies – only really distinguishable by the proportion of their income spent on joss sticks).

But back to Bowie. Guilty of none of the above. His capacity for re-invention and forward thinking doesn’t need re-iterating, the back catalogue up to and including Blackstar speaks for itself. This has turned into a rant but, sod it, I'm not in the mood for not ranting.

Here's to Mr Bowie, perhaps the ultimate rebuttal to those who cite ‘honesty’ or ‘realness’ or ‘rocknroooooll’ as fundamental to making ‘organic’, ‘real’ music and writing ‘proper’ songs. Who used artifice, and sounds regardless of source, was fearless and transcended rock n roll and took it higher than it deserves, subverted and utterly disregarded hoary, chin stroking… fuck it… boring… notions of what a song/album/concert could/should be.

And he left us with Blackstar. All of the above.

The Comet is Coming - Channel The Spirits

It's quite hard to believe that this is the sound of just sax, synths and drums (or ‘skins’, if I'm trying to be vaguely alliterative) recorded (to tape no less) in a three day burst of creativity. The sound, all pervading atmosphere and ethos at large here is worthy of the entire Arkestra, amped up and channelled through Funkadelic via Leftfield at their most furious. If they've heard Channel The Spirits, then I imagine that the house band at the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe are probably worried about losing their residency. Sub point: Slam Dunk In A Blackhole (which wouldn't sound out of place on either Blackstar or Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly) is my song title of the year.

Savages - Adore Life

Opening with the three chord grind of The Answer, Adore Life positively pulses and howls (the guitars sound feral) before dissolving into more cerebral territory for the title track. Jehnny Beth's lyrics run the gamut of love, turning the subject inside out fearlessly, never breaking eye contact. It's an intense, beautifully paced piece of work, packaged in monochrome but red blooded through and through.

David Holmes – Late Night Tales

I was introduced to Mr Holmes via one of those late 90s Chillout compilations. The culprit, 'Rodney Yates' is a journey borne on floating ride cymbal and strings a la Lalo Schriffin, which led me to its mother album 'Let's Get Killed'. Over the subsequent years, I've lapped up pretty much everything he's done, be it soundtracks (Out of Sight springs to mind), Psychedelic Funk mix albums (Come Get it I Got It), freaky Hip Hop (The Free Association) and this year, Late Night Tales and Unloved (more of the latter in a bit).

If there's a unifying thread to Mr Holmes' work, to these ears, it's the sense that he's a man outside of time. His work is peppered with samples and ideas from pretty much every decade since it became possible to capture and replicate sound. But this is not the back catalogue of a retro mongering throwback, it's a body of work that speaks of a genuine love of sound and an overarching desire to share it. I have no idea how much of his own music is created from samples and how much is original composition... the lines are utterly blurred and it makes for compelling listening.

In these interconnected times, the Internet, behaving like it's second syllable, drags the endless bounty of musical creativity onwards with ever decreasing regard for chronology and Holmes has a rare talent for sifting through the haul for treasures. If you're on the search for new artists then Mr Holmes beats Spotify or any app you could imagine hands down. He's arguably never been better than on Late Night Tales. It's a beautiful, torchlit collection made all the more striking by the fact that it's largely beatless and full of acoustic and vocal performances thematically linked to questions of love and loss. A truly mesmerising experience.

Church of The Cosmic Skull – Is Satan Real?

I've spent the last few years resolutely trying to engage with modern sounds after years in a proto metal, Sabbath indebted cul de sac (not a bad place to be admittedly, but it's good to shake things up every so often). This year however, I've found myself slipping back into my comfort zone, maybe as a way of escaping the hideousness of 2016, maybe because albums like Is Satan Real? are so fucking tasty. It combines the vocal, harmonic... There's no other way of saying this... pomp of Queen, hooks and almost jazzy flourishes that The Zombies would've actually stayed split up over and a deliciously sparse smattering of Sabbathian crunch. The fact that they only properly let rip on the closing 'Evil In Your Eye' is a masterstroke that has had me reaching for the repeat button, repeatedly.

Metronomy - Summer '08

Joe Mount is not cool, he’s no rock star and he doesn’t swagger, but the music he makes does, albeit in a slightly jerky, twitchy St Vitus on espresso way. When I was small I used to make myself spaceships out of bits of furniture, and go on adventures of the imagination… Listening to Metronomy has always felt a little like being invited into someone else's world of 'let's pretend'. One where the lightsabers are still visibly made from mismatched lego bricks and the Darth Vader helmet is quite obviously a plastic policeman's helmet with a flap of cardboard inexpertly sellotaped around the back. They aren’t smooth. They're not making music for parties in and around Jacuzzis and JD shaped swimming pools, but 40 minutes in the company of this collection of off kilter electro funk, break and disco beats and aching slow jams might allow you to pretend that you are. And, once again, the artifice is far more stimulating and appealing than reality.

Opeth - Sorceress

Opeth. Opeth. Opeth. I just bloody love them. That's a shit review, but it's basically how I feel. I guess that how you feel about Opeth depends on your views on progressive music. If you think it's wanky and unnecessary then you'd be forgiven for avoiding Opeth but I'd argue that you're mistaken, because there are very few elements included in an Opeth number that could be considered unnecessarily wanky. Dramatic shifts in tempo and volume and time signature abound on this, as all, their albums. The key to their success though, is that they're artfully and meticulously placed with an almost architectural eye for detail that seems set on firing the imagination, rather than bludgeoning the listener with its own cleverness. In the truest sense of the word Sorceress is a wonderful addition to an enviable back catalogue.

Hedvig Mollestad Trio – Black Stabat Mater

I don't really know much about these ladies. I'm not sure whether to describe it as Jazzy proto metal or proto metallic jazz... maybe the latter. But it is fierce. Really fierce. The five tracks slowly descend from a (relatively) straight forward opening freak out on a jazzy, turning bluesy groove, to nightmarish feedback and clatter that could be mistaken for King Crimson being dissolved in a rusted cauldron of battery acid stirred by Trolls. Also: One of my favourite album covers in a long time.

Paul Simon - Stranger To Stranger

Received wisdom has it that 74 year olds should just rest on the canon, firing blanks, cashing in on the willingness of Mojo readers to part with their coin for ever more padded out and barrel scraping reissues. Paul Simon seems to think that the best way to get through one's three score and tens is to build an album from the beats up and then bring in a designer and player of micro tonal instruments to add layer upon layer of otherwordly sound. I like Paul Simon. A lot.

Unloved - Guilty of Love

A collaboration between Jade Vincent, Keefus Ciancia and David Holmes (him again). As with Late Night Tales, Unloved is a creature of the night, but this time with teeth, paraffin eyes and a taste for smoke in the back of the throat. Guitars twang, drums can be heard reverberating up blackened alleyways and the astonishing voice of Jade Vincent entices, admonishes, damns and defies. When A Woman is Around should be considered a classic, 'Truth is seldom found (by a man) when a woman is around... Lose that Cheshire grin, take it like a man, keep what's yours, leave me mine.' Although there's a dark 60s vibe at work here, it's beautifully realised, with the faultless songwriting, performance and production giving it an elusive timelessness.

Nissenenmondai - N/A

This album is a perfect example of singular and fearless exploration.

They're a power trio, but that's where the similarities to that particular trope end.

They veer closest to making minimalist Techno, but with guitar, bass and drums.

They sound like they're being beamed in from the future, and not necessarily a good one.

Some of the album is hard to listen to and imagine it having been created by humans.

That's why I love it.

#david bowie #david holmes #Savages #metronomy #nissenenmondai #church of the cosmic skull #paul simon #the comet is coming #opeth sorceress #opeth #late night tales #unloved

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xottzot · 6 years ago

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2018--SEPT-18th-2018-Tuesday---ANOTHER day in this hellhole area and I wish I was dead or far far away with dear Fliss.

The criminal abo's have gone (for now) as I've written about in my blog for so long, and just like I sid it would do...EXACTLY like I said it would do, other shit has been going on by the enemies/allies of the abo's, the other crims and shitheads and worst people.

I wish I was dead.

Or REALLY I deeply wish I with dear Fliss far far away and safe away from this hellhole.

I'm NOT going to tell you the shit of today....I wrote about and talked about it all in real life so much of it before and NOBODY believed me in real life either as fucking usual......

You think Balga in Western Australia used to be bad? - Well this shitty place trumps that shitty place as it was back then when it was REALLY bad.......

And they say that Balga has been 'reformed' and has become 'better' too....

Meanwhile, this fucking hellhole is now moving into it's summer cycle of shit.

-------------------------------------------------------

Poor Sam and especially poor Max have become VERY traumatised today. I'm NOT going to tell you why but THIS FUCKING HELLHOLE AREA has so much to do with it all, and the fact dear Fliss has abandoned us all in this hell...

Terrible bad headache now...and the doctors refuse to believe me when I tell them what causes it...THEY HAVE NO IDEA and this hellhole is totally beyond their comprehension of existence. And so does Police and authorities.

Anytime I tell them anything they just mutter, 'awhhh, but that's nothing'...(because THEY live in such great places and with no problems and can dispense false wisdom and pathetic judgement and be paid for doing so....)

The usual 'Watcher' was around the area and streets early this morning, chain smoking and taking e-notes...and was so engrossed in everything that the Watcher on her e-device (maybe even just playing sudoku perhaps as she works?), just slowly toddled on by and no doubt wrote that everything is AOK in this fucking hellhole...as the Watcher also passes a house with a car that's a wreck now and VERY heavily vandalised and smashed up (by aboriginals) in somebodies front yard behind their hedge fence...it USED to be a valid undamaged car...so was the house.......so many houses.....

The nights are very cold, there is no rain, but there is massive condensation on everything each and every overnight and morning, so much so that it's as if it has rained with freezing cold water.

I was hoping for a double fatality today.......two were sitting down smoking for ages LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO A GAS METER BOX........pity it didn't happen.....

---------------------------

And a black feral cat (AGAIN) has been invading this yard and upsetting me, Sam & Max, and attacking native birds, and lurking about on all shed rooftops then noisily jumping over fences if seen with a loud clatter and scraping of claws on metal roofs.......

Don't get me wrong....I love cats. - But not the fuckwits who leave them go utterly feral, and leave them to roam in everyones yards pissing and shitting and fouling EVERYTHING.....and spreading disease......

This fucking hellhole.......

The closer I ever get to ever getting out of this hellhole, the more I'm assailed as well as any of my loved ones. This also terribly affected my dear Mother here. (and it assailed dear Fliss too, adding to her problems, ALL WHICH I WAS BLAMED...)

Dear Fliss refused to listen to me tell her all about it all. She always thought I was lying. I never ever was. She has NEVER met somebody as sincere as me, and I daresay is (living?) with other fuckwits now and living a life of being a fuckwits mole, probably pregnant or with a demented child just to get government money so it can be used for booze and other shit. Days and months and years of demented satisfaction I'm sure.....how well she must be doing?

How can I know ANYTHING when she refuses to talk with me or anything and has been like that for so long?

After she left, I beseeched her for us to get back together and for us her loved ones here to get out of this hellhole and join her and live the life we had been denied for so long, which was worsened by her mental and physical conditions which got worse after we were a couple here in Western Australia and which I got blamed for......fuck that. - I get blamed for fucking everything, and that has been the case all my fucking life and I never ever get any breaks or good luck in my life.....

I thought being with dear Fliss as a couple was the gods bestowing upon me good fortune and love....but what a fucking fool I was.....it was just a prelude to utter fucking hell...again which I got blamed for......

Hell my poor dear innocent very gentle and very kind mother also was terribly and unfairly assailed with before she died....

Dear Fliss has medically certified conditions that she and her family keep very secret...but I loved her for all of dear Fliss.....but I never knew the hell it was going to destroy me and us with. She blamed all and everything of all our terribel woes on that damend medical problem(s) but Fliss kept all that blame internal inside herself and kept blaming herself and it all made dear Fliss so much very very worse and self-destroying to her....and us...and everything......and she certainly never ever deserved all that shit at all.....

Dear Fliss struggled terribly with herself and everything, and I helped her get so much better, but then she got worse and I got fucking blamed...and no doubt I'm still being fucking well blamed.

She has.....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hashimoto's_thyroiditis

Brought on from an vicious terrible criminal attack (long before I ever met her or knew of her) from vicious Aboriginals on the other side of Australia (on the east side) that physically beat her so badly that she could have died it was so severe and which severly damaged and set her thyroid into dying within her body...subsequently bringing on a raft of other things poor Fliss suffered from.

But I LOVED dear Fliss and still do.

And I protected her against any and everything and everyone. And I supported her in anything that she did....MORE than anyone KNOWS......

And do you know what I got for all that? - For me to fuck off and die after being destroyed after she fled from me here in an episode where she went mentally right out of her senses......

So much I explained in my blog in so many posts, but I've deleted all that because NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVED ME OR HELPED ME AND DEAR FLISS GET TOGETHER AGAIN......since dear Fliss left us here in this fucking hellhole....

I've got a terrible headache as I type this directly, which is caused from what's been going on in this hellhole area again.

No good telling anyone, NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVES.....

Like all those aboriginals recently drowning themselves in Perth...it's like that and even if I told anybody what was going to happen beforehand nobody would fucking believe me so fuck you world......

Here at this hellhole, I've told people and authorties so much and for so long and in detail and with details and with information they had NO IDEA of and could NOT possibly figure out for themselves..but even WITH all that, they STILL refuse to believe anything......just flat-out refused then and for so long......

I've long since stopped doing any of that.

Fuck YOU.

When the next major things start going on again, or when the next spate of shit starts going on again, do NOT look to me for the information and pattern-filling you so fucking well very surely do lack in abundance.

Fuck YOU.

Even today I have seen it all starting again.....STARTING AGAIN....

Shit I deleted would have shown it's not just one-off things.....but FUCK YOU.

I keep trying to be open and explantory and helpful and friendly but THAT gets me absolutely nothing but to be forever victimised and be a victim.....

FUCK YOU.

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Poor Max VERY VERY VERY UPSET. And injured.

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Poor Sam VERY VERY upset.

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The chicken is on its way to dying and upset and all alone and lonely. The chicken that dear Fliss saved and loved. (despite it being a wacky chicken)

Fliss saves nobody and nothing now I expect....and others will applaude her for being that way since it fits in with THEIR selfish own pithy lives ethos.....the so much they keep hidden and unknown about.....

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Fate keeps tearing and ripping at me body & soul and to my loved ones.......and I'm supposed to be 'thankful' for all that and say nothing?

FUCK YOU.

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I love you dear Fliss and want to be with YOU. Just as you promised me. Just as you promised us. Just as you promised yourself.

Or are you lying to yourself and to all others again and so destroying us all and yourself?

To everyone else, yes you too dear Cath in Queensland, you all have no idea.......

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And of course as I type this right now, the shitty loud low flying planes fly right over this hovel......

So much for sleep again....

And every plane is as a dagger to my heart, mind, and soul and to dear Sam and dear Max since we think dear Fliss is returning to us.....just as she did before after a bout of her terrible afflictions........

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FUCK HAVING ANY GOOD MEMORIES!

The sooner I have NONE at all of anything the better.

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OTHER shit has been occuring......

Not telling you......

NONE of it good.....

-----------------------------

Oh...and Tumblr now fucks me around....again......how utterly NOT surprising....

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travisandersondatingblog · 7 years ago

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What Does it Mean When a Guy Ignores You (+ What You Should DO)

Things have been good with the guy you’re dating. You’ve got chemistry. Conversations flow. Then one day, he doesn’t text you for 24 hours. WTF? What does it mean when a guy ignores you like that?

Did you misread the signs? Was he not really into you?

Feeling ignored has always sucked throughout human history.

Back when we were living in tribes, if a guy was ignoring you, he might be out hunting with his buddies.

Cavewoman You: UGG! I just made Smerg’s favorite Pterodactyl soup and he totally dissed me!!

Fifty years ago, he might just not pick up the (corded) phone when you called.

1960s You: Hmm. He must be at Woodstock. Guess I’ll find my free love somewhere else…

But now, when a guy ignores you, you know for a fact that he’s read every one of your 12 text messages…and he’s just not responding.

This makes steam pour out of your ears!

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Understandable. It’s just common courtesy to respond to a text, even if he’s not into you. But is that the case? Does he not like you? Is he playing games? Is he out with another woman? What does it mean when a guy ignores you??

As your coach, I take the role of letting you into the male mind very seriously. But be warned: it’s not always a pretty sight. Men do dumb things, especially with women they’re attracted to. Sometimes you overthink what they’re thinking. Either way, I’m going to help you figure out what’s on his mind when he ignores you, and what you should do about it.

Your Coach,

P.S. If you’re ready to amp up your game so you don’t get ignored by a man, check out my free Flirting Workshop training.

Introduction

Is he ignoring you? Is he ghosting you? Whatever he’s doing, it’s damn confusing. You waste precious time trying to figure out: why do men ignore women?

Let me apologize up front for my species. Men sometimes take the chickenshit route out of a situation that makes them uncomfortable. Or else…they’re absolutely clueless that they’ve offended you. Either way, you deserve to know what it means when a guy ignores you so you can figure out if you should cut bait or give him a chance.

Let’s look at a few scenarios, shall we?

1. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…to Play the Game?

Look, you know that I’m not a fan of playing games in dating…at least these days. I’ll admit that back when I was single, I did play games. (C’mon. Cut me some slack! I was a kid!)

And as they say: hate the player, not the game.

Sad but true: there’s no more effective way to make a woman want you than to ignore her just a little bit. This guy that you’re into might take several hours to respond to your text…

Or ignore your voicemail…

Leave a question unanswered…

Some guys take this “ignore her so she’ll want you” thing a little too far. If he’s meticulously planning how long he’ll wait until he responds to you, he most definitely is playing games to try to get you to chase him.

If you think that’s what he’s doing, then don’t give in.

What To Do When He Ignores You Like This

Don’t chase him: when you chase him, he’s winning. If this guy thinks the way to your heart is by messing with your head and playing hard to get, he’s got another thing coming. You really don’t want a guy who can’t admit when he’s excited to talk to you by, oh, I dunno, responding to a text sooner??

If you text him and he takes forever, you have two choices: play the game back and take twice as long to respond…

Or move on. If he’s playing games this early in the relationship, he’s probably not suddenly going to be authentic a few months down the road.

2. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because He’s Unsure About You?

He may not be sure of what he wants.

You may know exactly how you feel about this man you’re dating, but he may not be as sure, especially if he didn’t plan to get into a serious relationship and you seem to want one. When he ignores you, don’t automatically assume it’s over. He may just need some time to process where he is and what he wants.

Maybe he was playing the field before he met you, happy with a hookup and nothing more. Then you come along, this sexy, confident thing, and suddenly he’s not sure if keeping things casual is all he wants.

So he pulls back.

Men are notorious for pulling away when things get serious. He may be unable to gain real perspective when things are hot and heavy and he is spending all his time with you, so he may make himself unavailable a few days so he can spend time away from you and get his head straight.

What To Do When He Ignores You Like This

This is actually a really good reason to ignore you! It means he’s reflecting on the potential of a relationship with you, which is probably what you want, right?

Give him his space to figure things out. When he’s ready, he’ll come back and/or be willing to talk about where things are headed. Let him steer the ship.

3. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…to Slow Things Down?

He may need to slow things down.

You know the feeling: sometimes when you click with someone, it’s easy to get swept up in the emotion of a new relationship. You may be perfectly willing to let things flow and see where they go, but he might panic if things move too quickly at the start of something new.

If these conversations are happening early in the relationship, yea, he might freak out:

You: So I was thinking we should definitely get a puppy down the road. Maybe two…By the way, what names do you like for our children?

Him: Uhhhhhh…

He may feel like he’s getting ahead of himself. That you’re getting ahead of yourself. After all, the two of you have only been dating a few weeks. You really don’t know each other that well.

And so he pulls away.

Now, not every guy will do this. Some guys are happy to move quickly when they know it’s right. So when he ignores you because things are moving too quickly, it might be because he’s emotionally immature. He may feel unable to talk to you about his fears about this relationship, and so he starts to do the fadeout.

What To Do When He Ignores You Like This

When he ignores you as a result of things moving too quickly, realize there’s no rush here. If he needs a week or two to get his head straight on what he wants from all this, you’ll both benefit in the long run. You should do the same: slow things down so you have time to catch your breath and figure things out.

Are things as great as they seem, or are you still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship? Science shows that, during this phase, your brain releases endorphins and hormones that can make you so happy to be around this guy. But in reality, you aren’t being yourselves in this phase. You may not have gotten into an argument yet, or shown one another the dark corners of your mind. And so things seem blissfully perfect.

Having some space at this point can help you understand whether you’re simply infatuated, or if there is real potential for this relationship. He can figure out the same.

On the other hand, if you give him a few weeks to think and him pulling away is a persistent problem, it’s time to talk to him about what’s going on. He may have decided this relationship has no future but is reluctant to end it. Or he might be ignoring you for another reason on this list. He owes you the truth.

Whatever the result with this man, keep in mind for future relationships that going slower is better. Take your time to get to know one another and wait until you’re out of that honeymoon phase and you know how you really feel about him before you start talking about the future.

4. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because You Hurt His Feelings?

He may be sulking because you upset him.

The male ego can be fragile. One big reason men pull away is that their feelings get hurt by women.

Think back and you can probably figure out what upset him: did you get in a fight the last time you were together?

Maybe you said something off the cuff that hurt him.

Maybe you made him jealous. You may not even think that the “thing” that happened was that big a deal, but if you can think of something that might have upset him and he’s ignoring you, then you’re probably right.

What To Do When He Ignores You Like This

I’m going to give you one simple word to make this better:

Sorry.

Don’t be afraid to apologize. So many relationships would have less friction if both parties were willing to say they were sorry from time to time.

Even if you don’t think you’re in the wrong, consider apologizing anyway. Many people allow their egos to get in the way of an apology, but sometimes saying sorry is the easiest way to just move on from an unfortunate situation and let your partner know that you value his feelings and didn’t mean to upset him.

And know that men want to reconcile differently than women do. In a study led by T. Joel Wade of Bucknell University, researchers discovered that while women wanted an apology after an argument (maybe with a few tears thrown in for good measure), men preferred a kind gesture or…ahem…sexual favors.

So realize that maybe letting those crocodile tears flow with a blubbering I’m so sorry baby! may not be as effective as showing you care in…other ways.

5. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because It’s Over?

He may be too chicken to tell you it’s over.

I truly think one of the biggest drawbacks of modern dating is that people aren’t always upfront about how they’re feeling…or as upfront about breaking up with someone as they were in the past.

By the way: women are guilty of this too! I hear from men all the time that women aren’t always honest in telling a man they don’t want to see him again.

It’s so much easier for both parties to ignore a text or call, or block someone on a dating app rather than say, you know what? I don’t really feel chemistry with you. I’d like to stay friends though, if you’re game.

How hard is that?

And yet, if you’re on the receiving end of that ghosting, it can hurt and piss you off to no end.

What To Do When He Ignores You Like This

If you get the sense that this is why he’s ignoring you, look at it as a blessing in disguise. In no way do you want to waste time on a man who isn’t emotionally mature enough to be honest with you about his feelings.

And you need to follow the Golden Rule on this one, lady: if you’re not into a guy, have the courage to tell him you don’t see it being a fit. This lets him move on so he can find someone great. I truly believe in dating karma, that what goes around comes around, so make sure you’re acting in a way you want the men you date to act!

Conclusion:

When he ignores you, there can be many reasons. It’s up to you to put on your detective hat and figure out exactly what the situation is. Give it a few days in case he just needs some space.

If, at that point, he’s still AWOL, reach out and ask what’s up. He may or may not be honest with you about what’s going on, so expect that.

If it gets to a point where you can’t take it, nothing good is going to come of him ignoring you. If he needs time to think about what he wants, he’ll tell you. If he is a coward and can’t be honest about it being over, then it’s time to move on.

So what’s your take? What does it mean when a guy ignores you? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below.

And take advantage of my newest free training: my Flirting Workshop teaches you how to attract a man, show him you’re interested and keep his attention.

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