#Funny Gift For Dad

[nocherrybombs]

Food Safety is Always Important

Lumine: Thanks for inviting me to the House of the Hearth cookout, Lyney. I can honestly say that this is the most terrifying party I have ever attended.

Lyney: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

Lumine: Is the Knave wearing a t-shirt that says "Fish fear me, women also fear me, everyone fears me, I am very scary"?

Lyney: We needed to find her something casual to wear and this is the best we could come up with on short notice.

Lumine: But why?

Lyney: Look, do you have any idea how unsettling it is to get served hot dogs off the grill by a woman in a three-piece suit?

Meanwhile, at the grill...

Arlecchino: I don't see what the problem is. It is meat, like steak, is it not?

Freminet: Father, please, I am begging you. Chicken tartare is not safe to eat. You have to cook it all the way through. The other children will get food poisoning!

Arlecchino: Food poisoning is nothing more than weakness leaving the body.

Lynette: It's definitely something leaving the body.

Paimon: For the first time in her life, Paimon isn't hungry anymore.

[gray-doestheart]

It’s shou sunday

[flaphack]

i love terry jr but it is SO FUNNY that he is now receiving karmic retribution for his shitty step kid behavior in the form of a stepdaughter that hates him

[azne09]

My birthday gift— I love my friends sm

[cerealbishh]

"As excited as I am to have everyone see Kathy Bates deliver another incredible performance, I'm excited for people to be introduced- who don't already know how incredible Skye is." (x)

"I am having the time of my life and Jason Ritter keeps me laughing more than any human being on the planet." (x)

[ibook4you]

[violetstems]

Kenlee (Kenny x Lee) for the cat/dignified ships!

sure why not

[spockvarietyhour]

Due South "The Gift of the Wheelman"

[petsync]

Cats: the only creature that can ignore you, demand your attention, and knock over your stuff all in the span of five minutes.🥰🥰👈👈

[the-faultofdaedalus]

shadowheart is a werewolf you CANT change my mind

[eri-pl]

Silm Advent calendar 6: Gifts*

Warnings: ...idk, gaslightning? Annatar and Celebrimbor. So, that's a warning (not romantically, but still ominous).

"What do you mean: apprentice?"

Celebrimbor put a strand of hair behind his ear. Too short to be braided—the result of a minor accident. "This is a part of becoming a master. She has to show, in front of the whole guild, that she can teach. And if would be unfair to have her teach a child—both for her, as children vary greatly in skill, and for the child, to be taught by an unproven master."

He glanced up from the document. Annatar still didn't seem to comprehend, so he continued. "Therefore it's the custom to have the would-be master pick a subject that's new to one of the established masters — and teach him or her. Of course, I would love to learn how to brew Sindarin pine beer, but since you are here, my lord, of course you are the most natural—" Celebrimbor shook his head. "But no, forgive my foolishness, of course you surely know it already! Or are Sindarin crafts new even..." He did not finish, unwilling to be the first to say what hasn't been said openly yet, just impled.

Was his guest sent by the Valar, or did he came to help less formally, just, with their quiet approval? Or…without it? But this surely would not be possible.

Certainly he came from the West. That much was obvious.

"This," said Annatar, "is an absurd custom. It turns everything upside down. What will you do next, start giving out presents on your own begetting day?"

"I can't see how that could harm anyone—" Celebrimbor bit his tongue. That was not his father, that was an emissary of the Valar. He deserved politeness, even when he seemed to offer none of it himself. The Valar ruled Arda, after all. (The need to please Annatar was not about Father. Nor about the uncles, even the kind ones. It wasn't about the question which Celebrimbor would not ask anyway, which he dared not to ask, because then he might receive an answer.) "I apologize if my offer offended you, my lord. If you do not want to, I will gladly let her teach me."

Annatar studied him, with motionless face, like one of grandmother's sculptures. No, not even like one of them, as they were never so perfect, they were more... Alive? The emissary emanated with something greater than the perfection of art or life. Beauty so profound that it left no place for any other kind of beauty. Timelessness. The bliss of Valinor brought to Middle Earth.

Finally, he spoke, in a voice as flawless as his looks. "Do as you will. I am glad to see that you're open to learning new things... I wonder how you shall do with something more difficult though."

"Try me." Celebrimbor bowed slightly, and too late realized that his words have again been less than polite.

Fortunately, Annatar smiled. "Not yet. There will be time for trials, there will be time for learning, and there will be time for... more subtle questions. But I promise you, before I'm done here, you will know things you cannot yet even imagine."

[mychlapci]

forgot to mention this in the morning but i also dreamt about an Evil Lidl. the store was surrounded by a dead forest and guarded by walls of barbed wire. inside of it spanned rotten rooms filled with terrified looking people slowly trailing from corner to corner with the last of their strength. if you looked out of the windows you could see pipes coming out of the building, spitting hot black tar into a nearby river. there was nothing inside. i still walked away with the cook book i wanted to get for my dad this christmas though so that makes it a 7/10 lidl experience tbh

[fagsex]

kinda sucks to have my bday right after christmas because it means i get like nothing for either

[ibook4you]

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