#Frog BOY BOSS

[pandamaniia]

I'm replaying Saints row 2022 (again) but this time cause theres construction going on at my house and i cant think with it going on. But this time, i decided FUCK IT Frog boss

He has no name, i've just been calling him Frog/Froggy/B/Boss

(Name suggestions are welcome)

[captain-slash]

У Физзи есть лишь два состояния... И оба прекрасны и очаровательны 😚

Artist: https://x.com/samcubuss?s=20

[4eyecomplex]

Yeah, I'm gonna be totally normal about this scene

[shinysobi]

pretty u

summary: when joshua, your best friend gets engaged, you can't help but feel as though you're missing out on something important. jihoon, your other best friend, kindly offers to set you up with one of his many friends. chaos ensues, seungkwan is an observer who knows everything, and unfortunately, mingyu is a hapless victim.

pairing: woozi x fem!reader

genre: crack, fluff, angst

word count: 10k~ish

warnings: alcohol consumption, general warnings apply

A/N: uhh..hi? this is the first time i've written rpf, and it makes all the more sense for it to be centred around woozi, my svt bias. this has no plot at all, and i just wrote it for fun and vibes...also unbetaed, so if you see any mistakes, no u did not :)) shout out to my twitter gc for cheering me on as i wrote this hehe u guys are the best

a/n 2: reblogs and comments are much appreciated! please tell me if you're liking this lmao

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

Chapter 1

Whoever said that every love story is universal, was not lying, unfortunately. Every good love story is a mix of tropes that unfortunately work well together to form a coherent plot. And the longer you read books, the easier it becomes for you to identify (or avoid) these tropes.

The enemies turn into lovers.

The friends turn into lovers.

The inn only has one available bed.

Your brother’s best friend is somehow smoking hot and doesn’t see you as an annoying little sibling anymore.

Your one-night stand is your new boss, and he is inexplicably obsessed with you.

Your parents have forced you into an arranged marriage, and your partner is a. incredibly hot and b. also obsessed with you. You get the gist, so on, and so forth.

All love stories go for a trope that becomes the central conceit of the story, no matter how unique they try to be. The small-town girl/boy falls for the hotshot city lawyer/businessman/vague marketing executive and shows them the importance of family, and of course, of love, because without it, business is notoriously low. People need romance to feel something other than hatred in their already terrible lives, and books offer escapism. Escapism and on some other level, a sense of belonging. You can identify yourself with the girl who falls in love with her brother’s best friend, or the man who has feelings for his sworn enemy, or the person who has, surprise, fallen in love, with their best friend. Or their best friend’s brother. Take your pick.

And unfortunately, as a critic, reading romance implies wading through the countless reiterations of trope-y goodness on offer at every bookstore, and trying to find something that strikes a chord. It is a given, that one has to kiss some proverbial frogs in the meantime, and of course, any professional mishap has to be accompanied with a gossip session with one’s friends, where any complaints you might have about your work, is unloaded onto the brunch table, for my friends to laugh about.

Because at the end of the day, everyone is a character in their own kind of romance novel. A victim of the tropes, if you will. In my case, I am the perpetual single childhood best friend, who puts up with every single antic of the main character. In of course, an enemies-to-lovers romance. Apparently unrequited love sells too, if its written well. If not, then it just becomes one of many repetitive marketing gimmicks that frankly, don’t sit well with anyone, let alone someone like me, who critiques books for a living.

“It’s your attitude that’s a problem.” Jihoon says, taking a sip of his coffee, “you’ve been writing for the newsdesk for years and I have never seen you actually be satisfied with a book. There’s always something that could have been better. Maybe this is why you are so—”

“I am so?” I say, eyes narrowed, “finish that sentence, Jihoon.”

“You want me to?”

“Do you really have to fight every time we meet?”

Both Jihoon and I turn our head to the third person at the table, Joshua. Dressed impeccably in a freshly ironed pair of shirt and trousers, he looks far better than either me or Jihoon, because both of us look as though we have been through botched murder attempts. I am in a hoodie and sweatpants, and Jihoon is somehow worse than me, wearing a pair of shorts and a black t-shirt. His abandoned khaki bomber jacket hangs on the back of his chair, and I cannot believe I’m saying this, but he actually looks worse when wearing the jacket. Joshua looks as though he has been seated at our table by mistake. I’m slightly annoyed by this, but it seems as though Jihoon is more annoyed than me, “what do you mean we fight every time we meet?”

Joshua makes a vague hand gesture, “really? Look at us. You both are dressed as though you’ve been through a typhoon. I feel horribly overdressed.”

“I had a long night.” I reply, “worked overtime at the desk for the Sunday paper.”

“I came here straight from the studio.” Jihoon says, “I didn’t even go home to shower.”

“See, this, this is what I am talking about.” Joshua groans, “both of you dress like homeless people, and then when you come to brunch, you fight all the time. Do you guys never get tired of fighting?”

“Never.” Both Jihoon and I say in unison.

Joshua sighs, before picking up his knife and fork, “I give up. I can never get you two to agree on anything apart from the fact that you guys, apparently, don’t fight.”

“She needs to quit complaining about her job.” Jihoon points his fork at me, “she’s got the cushiest job imaginable, and she manages to complain about it all the time. Every week, she’s here complaining about something at her job.”

“As if you don’t complain about your job all the time too,” I reply, not one to back down from a fight, “you complain about the people at your job all the time as well. And it’s not as though your job is shitty; you literally work at the biggest music corporation in the country—”

“Guys!” Joshua half-yells, and I stop. Everyone is looking at the three of us, and unlike the two of us, he looks embarrassed. “Guys, if you have to fight every time we meet, maybe I suggest we stop this weekly brunch. Jesus—”

“Oh, he swore,” Jihoon whispers, and I giggle, “we finally made him take the Lord’s name in vain.”

“—it’s like you’re kids all over again. This isn’t freshman year of university, for heaven’s sake,” he takes an elegant sip of his coffee, “and for your information, Jesus isn’t the Lord. I’m not letting you guys get the satisfaction of hearing me fucking swear.”

“Does he hear himself?” Jihoon mutters. “I don’t think he does.” I whisper in response.

“Yes, I’m aware I said ‘fuck’, thank you very much.” Joshua sits back in his chair, “I’m proposing to Eunseo tonight.”

“Tonight?” Jihoon yells, bolting upright from his chair, and everyone in the restaurant looks at us, “you’re proposing to her tonight?”

Joshua grabs his hand to drag him back onto his chair, “yes, tonight. Are you stupid? Everyone is looking at us now.” He looks at me, “what do you think about it?”

Oh. Oh.

Remember when I said that my role in a romance novel is that of the eternally-spurned childhood friend? The one who has loved the main character from a distance, never really daring to express their feelings? Well, I’ve not known Joshua since my childhood, we met at high school, and it hasn’t been that long since I discovered that I might have a tiny, the most miniscule of crushes on him. But I’m that trope. The childhood friend who gets spurned, and the main character turns away to the actual love of their life, leaving only a broken heart behind. Too little, too late.

Well, who wouldn’t?

He’s tall, good-looking, gentlemanly, with just the right amount of unhinged, has a good, stable, get-off-at-the-right-time government job, and above all, he’s unflinchingly kind to everyone. Yes, including me and Jihoon, even though we make his life a living hell on most days. Realistically,  it was only a moment of time before either Jihoon or I had any feelings for him. And I was betting on Jihoon too. Fuck.

“Are you okay?” Joshua’s voice is soft, insisting, and all I can see when I break out of my reverie is the swoop of his collarbones as they disappear under the shirt, and suddenly I feel very dirty. Not just dirty, but also simply awful. Why am I out here thinking about his collarbones when he’s thinking about how to propose to his girlfriend? His very nice, very beautiful girlfriend?

“I’m fine,” I nod my head, “have you picked out a ring for her?”

“Not yet, but I have a kind of ring in mind already.” He says, turning to Jihoon and starting to talk about the different cuts of diamonds that are present at Tiffany’s, and how they suit different kinds of people. Eunseo, I learn, is partial to a pear cut. Jihoon, the idiot,  who can’t shut up when it comes to arguments with me, is unnaturally quiet, only offering comments here and there. It’s very uncharacteristic.

And then he gets that look on his face which is a signal for both me and Jihoon that we are about to hear an hour’s worth of praises of Eunseo, and I step in. Making a vague sign towards my completed plate of fish and chips (not that great, the fish was soggy) I say, “before he begins singing praises of his girlfriend, sorry, fiancé, can we get the check?”

“You keep saying it as though you don’t know how much I love her.” Joshua sounds annoyed  but unfortunately, I can see through his mask of fake annoyance, “I already paid.”

“Thank goodness, I forgot my wallet.” Jihoon smiles, “for a moment, I thought I would have to use my online wallet.”

“Aren’t you ashamed?” I elbow him lightly in the ribs, and he doesn’t even flinch. Apparently, music producers these days have to be certified gym rats, or they won’t let them into the building, “you’ve mooched off of Joshua and me for the past twelve years, maybe it’s time to start paying.”

“Maybe I do pay, but I just don’t like you.” Jihoon replies, sarcasm evident in his tone, “so I don’t want to pay for your meal.”

“You little—” I’m about to commit a murder in broad daylight, but Joshua, the sweet angel that he is, stops both of us, waving his card in between like a bullfighting matador.

“You guys just don’t stop, do you?” He grins, evidently thinking about how he’s going to propose to his loving girlfriend this evening. Nauseating. It makes me want to throw up. Because Joshua is not going to wake up one morning and decide that he wants to throw away his living relationship of five years to—to pursue his unfortunate best friend, who has nursed an unfortunate attraction towards him for the past year. That is never going to happen. So, let’s scratch that. That should not happen.

Because apart from being unfairly gorgeous and rich and beautiful and did I mention gorgeous? Eunseo is also unflinchingly nice, the kind of nice that leaves other people wondering if the person in front of them is real or not, or if they have some kind of hidden intentions that border on murderous or at the very least, fraudulent. She’s the one who took me under her wing when I was a freshman and had no friends except the two weird guys in my required sociology class, and thanks to her, at the end of four years of university, I had friends in the journalism club, people I come into contact on occasion such as weddings and the odd reunion.

Her niceness is also the reason why Joshua fell for her at first sight.

“I’m out.” Jihoon picks up the abomination of a bomber jacket from his chair, “and before you ask, no, hyung, I’m not helping you with picking out a ring for your girlfriend. You can do that yourself. Or ask her for help.”

And before Joshua can look at me and before I make a fool out of myself (yet again), I turn away, rejecting his proposal for looking at pear-cut diamond rings on a Sunday morning, “I’m ideologically against the institution of marriage. Do it yourself.”

Joshua sighs, because of course he has anticipated this. The fucker. “cannot believe you’re still on your Dworkin streak. Fine,” he says, getting up from his chair and walking out of the café, “I’ll get Eunseo’s ring myself. And when she asks, I’ll tell her that none of you helped me.”

“Ooh, threatening your girlfriend on us, I’m shaking in my boots,” Jihoon replies, sarcasm evident in his voice, digging through his pockets to get his car keys, “when are you planning to get the ring?”

“Later, in the afternoon,” Joshua is opening the door to his car, and looking at me, “do you want me to give you a ride? Your house is on the way.”

“She only takes buses and the subway,” Jihoon grins, “don’t you remember the time in university when she kept saying about how much she likes welfare policies and transportation benefits?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I reply, elbowing him, harder this time, and Jihoon flinches, “I’ll just go to the office. Jihoon will give me a ride.”

“When did I say that I’ll give you a ride?” Jihoon looks like he wants to begin an argument with me in front of the café, but he acquiesces, “ugh, fine. I’ll give you a ride. Your office is on the way.”

—

“I’m still not convinced that you simply wanted to ‘spend time with me’.” Jihoon grumbles an hour later, seated at his studio and fiddling with his computer. “You’ve been lying there and scrolling twitter for hours now.”

“Your couch is much better than my office chair,” I hum a non-committal reply, before making myself further comfortable into the soft plush material of his couch, “and I’m not scrolling on twitter, I’m trying to find another flat to move into.”

“Lease up?” Jihoon asks, “wasn’t your agreement still valid for at least another few months?”

“I’m just trying to get ahead of the curve,” I reply, “if I start looking from now, maybe I’ll get a better flat by the time the lease is up. My current flat is—”

“A shithole.” Jihoon finishes my sentence for me, “seriously, I don’t know how you manage to live there. And you’ve been holding onto that flat for the past seven years. everyone moved out of their university flats, but you managed to hold onto yours for so long.”

“That’s because it’s a good deal,” I mutter, “ugh, I can’t manage to find a single good deal on any of the flats.”

“Because you’re never satisfied with any deal,” Jihoon replies, “your ideal deal is if everything was free.”

“And I still maintain that housing should not be monetised.”

“Why thank you for that insight, comrade.” Jihoon puts a finger to his mouth, “shut up for a while, I’m trying to concentrate on this song.

“Who’s it for?” I sit up, intrigued, “a new artist?”

“The company’s new girl group.” Jihoon says, “I was asked to produce the title track for their debut. I only have four months on hand, and I still haven’t finished the track. The higher-ups are going to have my head for this.”

“No, they won’t,” I reply, “they like you too much. Speaking of—”

“—if you want me to give you an interview, I won’t, I’ve already told you five times,” Jihoon cuts me off, wheeling his chair away from me, “jeez, you’re tenacious.”

“Oh, but come on, it’ll be fun,” with an extra emphasis on come on, I think I’ve got Jihoon’s attention, “people keep speculating on the kind of person you are. I mean, people know Woozi, but do they know what kind of person he is, underneath all that secrecy? You’ve never given an interview, and you keep avoiding any kind of public appearance. One might think you hate the spotlight.”

“Even if I were to give an interview, I wouldn’t be giving it to you. Who knows how you’re going to spin my words.”

“I’m hurt, Lee Jihoon. This has hurt me.”

Jihoon turns around and blows me a raspberry. I roll my eyes. Is he twenty-eight, or just eight? “whatever you say won’t affect the way I think. I still won’t give you an interview.”

“Just so you know, I’m known to be an excellent interviewer.” I say, walking over to his chair, “come on, Jihoon-ah, give me an interview. Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

“Pwease?”

He turns around at that, fixing me with a stare, “don’t you ever fucking do aegyo in front of me. I’m going to kill you if you do that again.”

“See, if you gave me an interview like I’m asking you to, then I would not have a reason to subject you to aegyo, but as things stand, you really give me nothing else to work with.”

“Ask Joshua for an interview then, if you’re so desperate for one,” the words coming out of anyone else’s mouth would have given me enough reason to walk out of the room, but Jihoon made them sound softer, almost romantic. It was funny, how he managed to change the intonations of every word, changing them to his whims. I suppose that’s what I do with words, and that’s what he does with sounds.

“Joshua is not the elusive Woozi,” I flop back onto the sofa as I counter, trying actively to not think about Joshua picking out a ring at Tiffany’s for Eunseo right at that moment, “he’s an adjunct professor. Not the most interview-friendly of all occupations.”

Jihoon looks at me, and for a moment, I think he’s going to ask me a very uncomfortable and difficult question, but at that moment, both our phones buzz simultaneously. I check the phone, and it’s a single message in the shared chatroom. Joshua has sent a message, a single picture of a pear-shaped diamond solitaire ring (don’t ask me how I know the cut of the diamond) with an attached message;

joshuji: picked up her ring! <3

“Damn, an exclamation point, and an emoji,” Jihoon says, typing out a reply in the chatroom, “our joshuji is entirely too far gone, isn’t he?”

I don’t say anything. Its far easier to pretend that you’re typing out a reply and can’t hear anything, especially when it comes to Jihoon. He’ll take anything in stride.

hoon: wow Eunseo has you whipped

big dick (canon): hey I think it’s cute

Jihoon sets his phone down with an audible clack, and fuck, I’ve messed up. Joshua is oblivious and blissfully happy in his own little life, but Jihoon? The Jihoon that I’ve known ever since our seats were beside each other in the sociology class that made me develop an irrational fear of surveyors? He’s single-minded whenever it comes to pursuing anything. One doesn’t become the most sought-after music producer in the industry with just talent, they need to be dogged in their pursuit of success. And unfortunately, when Lee Jihoon turns his mind to something, he accomplishes it, whether it’s producing a Billboard Hot 100 hit, or, judging by the way he’s looking at me right now, getting words out of my mouth.

“Okay, spill, I’ve seen this go on for long enough,” he says, getting up from the chair and walking over to the sofa, where I am currently hiding behind a throw pillow, “you’ve been weird for months now, and we need to talk about it.”

“We, don’t need to do anything,” I reply, “I’m perfectly fine. If something happened, I would tell you. Or Joshua. Or both of you, at the same time.”

“Like you inform us after every breakup of yours?” Jihoon laughs, “you mean to say you’re going to hold another one of your ‘meetings’ to tell me and Joshua about how some poor bastard made the mistake of trying to date you?”

“I’m actually nice when I date, and I can hold down a relationship for more than two weeks, Mr I-don’t-like-commitment. Tell me, how did your last date go? Did she walk out of the date itself, or did you ghost her?”

Jihoon blinks at me, and then, a slow, catlike smile passes over his features. Fuck.

“You’re being combative today,” he grins, and fuck, its infuriating how predictable I am, and how absolutely incapable I am of not taking his bait, “so, there is something that you’re hiding.”

“Ugh, I hate this.”

“Then you shouldn’t have taken the damn bait,” he replies, “do you want to tell me yourself, or do you want me to guess your little secret?”

“I’m not telling you anything, and its nothing you can suss out either.”

“I can just beat it out of you,” he smiles, flexing his arms, and I belatedly remember that Jihoon, to my disadvantage, had decided at the early age of twenty-one, that he was going to make up for his height by being The Broadest Man on Earth, and now carried a protein shake in his bag everywhere he went, that somehow tasted more disgusting than it looked. He could easily beat me to a pulp. And he would do it too, the little shit.

“Jihoon, remember the time I carried you home when you were drunk?” I don’t know how to do the specific variant of the thing they call ‘puppy eyes’, but I try my absolute best to emulate the little I know, “and you threw up all over my clothes? Remember? It was at Mingyu’s birthday party, and you got drunk on an empty stomach—”

“Don’t fucking do that,” he throws a pillow at me, “fuck, that’s creepy. Also, I got drunk and threw up on your clothes in my second year of university, damn, how long are you going to milk it for?”

“As long as I can,” I reply, “please, Jihoon, just this once.”

“Damn, fine, weirdo,” he stands up, going back to his chair, his back now towards me, “isn’t as though you like Joshua or something.”

I freeze, hoping that the intake of breath at that last sentence hasn’t been heard by Jihoon. I know I’m an atheist, I pray fervently, to whichever god that’s listening, God, Allah, Buddha, Jesus, if anyone’s listening, please, please, please, let Jihoon not notice—

“You like Joshua?”

Fuck.

“No.” I lie brightly, “I just—stubbed my toe on the table.”

Jihoon looks at me in a way that screams bitch, I know you’re a liar so don’t even try. “You know you’re a horrible liar, right?”

“I am?”

He nods, “its one of the many endearing things about you. But unfortunately, you’ve given yourself away now. Really, Joshua? The Joshua Hong we know?”

“Really, it isn’t like that,” I’m sweating, and praying Jihoon doesn’t notice that I’m sweating, “its nothing, and besides, I don’t even like him in that kind of way—”

“Do you want to fuck him?”

I choke on a breath and begin coughing. “What?” I manage to say, after I recover enough to breathe properly, “I don’t want to fuck anyone!”

“Great, because if you wanted to fuck him, it would have become massively awkward.” Jihoon shrugs, “since it’s one of those passing feelings, you can take care of it; it happens all the time. I once had a crush on you too. It’s bound to happen.”

“You had a crush on me?” I screech, “what the fuck, Lee Jihoon, you’re supposed to wait before dropping this kind of information on me!”

“Dude, its long gone,” Jihoon places a hand on my shoulder, a touch that’s meant to be reassuring, but it only suffices to make me angrier, “it was during my military service. I remember that you came with my parents to see me off, and it was—nice. So, I had a crush on you. I got over it when I got out of the military, though. Turns out seeing your best friend live in a hovel really does wonders for your lingering feelings.”

“For eighteen months?” I hold my head in my hands, “you had a crush on me for eighteen months? What the fuck kind of information is that? And you got out of the military three years ago!”

“M-hmm, see, that’s what I mean when I say these feelings will go away.” Jihoon looks sage, as if he’s imparting the secret to life and how to be a good Buddhist, and not bombarding my mind with information I would rather not know, “wait, have you masturbated to Joshua?”

“What the fuck?” I stand up, pacing the room at a speed that would closely rival that of an Olympian, “why would I masturbate to Joshua Hong?”

Jihoon shrugs, “people masturbate. You are a person. Hence the question.”

“Of course, I haven’t masturbated to—wait did you masturbate while thinking of me?” I’m yelling now, yelling and pacing the room like a woman possessed, because of course, Jihoon has made me lose my mind, “Lee Jihoon, did you jerk off to my pictures?”

He shrugs. “What are you going to do if I say yes?”

“I’m going to kill you, and then I’m going to kill myself,” I say, grabbing his shoulders, “you know what, Jihoon, lets do that. Let’s both die.”

“Why would I consent to a murder-suicide with you?” he sounds terribly composed, which again, does not bode well for the numerous murderous thoughts I have currently running through my head, “its just a little masturbation. I was twenty-three, I was bored to tears at the military camp, and I had a crush on you, so, I did what I did.”

“Which was apparently, masturbation.” I flop facedown on the couch, “I want to castrate you, you know that, right?”

“Figures. You’ve always been weird about sex.” Jihoon makes a face, “So, you didn’t tell me. do you want to fuck Joshua or not? Because if you do, then it just means that you want sex. If you don’t, then I can’t help you.”

“How can you help me in any way if I say I want to have sex with Joshua?” I ask, “even if I do, which I don’t, just by the way—”

“You want to jump his bones. Right.”

“—how can you even help me, short of getting me a male prostitute.” I pause, horror spreading through my features, “oh fuck. Jihoon, are you going to hire a gigolo?”

To his credit, Jihoon looks appropriately disgusted, “why would I hire a prostitute? No, I would set you up with one of my friends.”

“Who?”

He thinks for a while, then says, “Soonyoung.”

“No offence, but I’m about 90% convinced that Soonyoung is a furry.”

“Jeonghan-hyung, then.”

“He’s too similar to Joshua,” I groan, “why am I going along with this idea? This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Then do you want to help yourself?”

“Masturbate to thoughts of Joshua? Yeah, like that’s gonna work.” I hold my head in my hands, “fuck, I have to sleep with Soonyoung, don’t I? I’m half-convinced he will do a tiger impression in bed.”

“I’m fairly convinced he mimics a roar when he orgasms.” Jihoon mutters.

“Oh, fuck, now I have to talk about orgasms with you,” I say, face buried in one of the pillows, “I have to sleep with one of your weird friends and then everyone will know about my crush on Joshua and I’ll be shunned from our three-person group forever and ever—”

“Calm down, no one is going to spill your secrets,” Jihoon says, “and I have other friends too, you know. They don’t talk as much as those idiots, but they are good people.”

“But I don’t want to fuck anyone right now.”

Jihoon stares at me.

“Okay fine, maybe a little bit.” I concede, “but still, not enough to warrant a setting-up. Maybe I’m just sexually frustrated.”

“Then go fuck someone!”

“It isn’t that easy!” I snap, and Jihoon looks surprised, because its so unlike me to be incandescent over something as stupid as this, but I can’t help the shiver of anger running over me, “it isn’t so fucking easy. If it were, I would have gone and slept with a stranger from a bar. Yes, I know it’s dangerous, but I would have done it. But I’m telling you now, its difficult for me to even know if I’m attracted to Joshua, and if my attraction means I want to jump him or whatever.”

“Then what does it mean?” Jihoon, it seems, is also incapable of not reacting to my moods and temper, he gets angry easily sometimes, “What does it mean when you tell me you’re attracted to someone? We’re twenty-eight, for fuck’s sake. What the fuck else do you mean?”

“I don’t know!” I half-yell, half-sob, “I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know if I want to sleep with anyone, least of all Joshua. I’m confused, and I don’t know what to do, and all I want is a little acceptance, not you rattling of a list of people I should sleep with in order to get over my feelings for Joshua—”

“Hey, I’m sorry.”

“—and you can’t even give me that, Jihoon,” I finish lamely, looking at his concerned expression, “yeah fine, I’m leaving.”

The door is loud when I close it behind me. to his credit, Jihoon doesn’t pursue me, because even if he’s abnormally idiotic in matters like these, he’s got some sense.

—

I deeply regret befriending either of them, because both Joshua and Jihoon have apparently no sense of boundaries between people. Joshua keeps assaulting my inbox with messages along the lines of oh look how much I love my girlfriend and how much I can’t wait to see you guys and celebrate my engagement because I’ve got my life sorted out unlike YOU fuckers, and Jihoon has rewarded me with radio silence ever since I blew up in his face about his idiotic idea regarding me having sex with one of his friends.

And, as a testament to my misfortunes in life, Joshua has decided that his proposal to Eunseo must be followed up with a party thrown in her honour, or at least a dinner as per his last text message; which of course, he has to send to the shared chatroom with a  variety of threatening and non-threatening messages.

joshuji: just saying if you guys aren’t here for the dinner, I’m never talking to you

hoon: aren’t proposals supposed to be an intimate thing? For couples??? Why are you asking us to be there????

joshuji: Eunseo wanted you guys to celebrate, too

joshuji: also, I’m proposing to her in the afternoon. I’m asking you guys to come over for dinner

hoon: maybe we should ask Eunseo about her feelings?

hoon: idk if she would want two others celebrating her engagement. Maybe we should stage an intervention and try to convince her to leave you. Its not too late already

big dick (canon): idk if I can make it guys

joshuji: I told u I wouldn’t be forgiving you if you don’t attend

hoon: you also tell us that every other week, I think we’ll be fine

joshuji: please?

hoon: don’t you fucking dare

big dick (canon): send us the location. Also, you’re paying

hoon: that’s the least he can do, after inflicting all this on us, and on her

joshuji: don’t worry, dinner is on me. [location attached] be there.

Fuck. Fuck my life, and fuck the two other people also in my life, and also, fuck Eunseo for good measure, because if it hadn’t been for her coming over to the mixer in third year, Joshua would never have fallen head over heels with her at first sight, and he wouldn’t have asked her out, and then I wouldn’t have had to deal with my conflicting feelings in the middle of a random Sunday. In the middle of me contemplating whether to clean my flat or not, too. If you look at it, its all her fault. Her fault for being so flawless and lovely and gorgeous that even I cannot bring myself to be jealous. The woman volunteers her free time at an animal shelter, for god’s sake. She’s the kind of person you write rambling horrible love sonnets about, and inflict them on your best friends after getting drunk and vomiting on a sidewalk at three in the morning. I should know, because that was Joshua when he was twenty-five.

Everything seems to go to shit at the same time, so of course, my landlord has to make an appearance when I’m in the middle of a neurotic episode over whether or not to do my laundry and contemplating hurling myself out of the window. His knocks are rhythmic, three seconds apart, which gives me enough time to prepare with a butcher’s knife in my hand. To ensure my safety, of course, in all my good conscience, I could never murder someone.

“Ah, yes, if it isn’t my favourite tenant,” he smiles, wide enough for me to see the gold tooth he had put in four years ago, “don’t worry, I’m only here for a routine check.”

“I bet you say that to all your tenants, Mr Kim.” I mutter, not moving from the doorway. If this man can sell me a glorified hovel posturing as a flat, I can disrespect him as much as I want. “I’ll get back to you on the renewal on my lease as soon as possible.”

The nosy bastard (man) that he is, Mr Kim cranes his neck around me to take a look inside my flat, “don’t worry, you’ve been one of my longest-running tenants for a while, you can take your time.” Then he looks at me, and the gold tooth is again on display. Ugh, I fucking hate it, “Is there a man inside? Boyfriend?”

“I don’t know why I’m saying this to you, Mr Kim, but I don’t have a boyfriend.” I reply, suppressing my urge to bury the knife held in my hand in his chest, “I was cooking, if you want to know that badly.”

“No boyfriend?” he tuts at me as though my dating life (or its lack thereof) is a personal slight against him, “but there are men coming over to your house all the time?”

“Those are my friends, Mr Kim,” I grit out, fake smile getting more brittle by the second, “men and women can be friends, you know.”

“Ah yes, I know, I know,” he nods, before clapping his hands like he’s received some sort of epiphany, “I forgot to tell you, but if you do decide to renew,” here he takes a deep breath, as if he’s bestowing upon me some great honour, “the rent will be raised. By twenty.”

“Twenty percent?” I screech, and the student in the flat next to me has probably heard it, “is that even legal?”

From the smile on his face, I don’t have to hear anything else. It probably is.

Mr Kim goes away from my line of sight (my kitchen knife’s line of attack) with another, equally insufferable, smile, and I close the door with a loud enough bang that the hinges rattle. I lied to Jihoon, because I only have two months left on my contract, and I still have had no luck in finding a new flat to move into. Everywhere I go, its either overpriced, or the facilities are too shitty, or the vibes are off.

Back in the room, I try to busy myself with laundry, when my phone rings. Its Jihoon, who’s apparently decided that making me angry is a full-time job for him. He’s making use of the private chat, which is rare for him, and somehow, equally annoying for me.

hoon: sorry about what happened in the studio this morning

hoon: offer still stands though

big dick (canon): that’s not how you apologise to someone

hoon: what? I’m trying to help my bestie get some

hoon: is that such a scandalous thing to ask for

big dick (canon): yes. Yes, it is

big dick (canon): also, fyi, I’m not sleeping with any of your friends. They’re all too weird for me

hoon: Mingyu? I remember you saying once that you’d motorboat him

big dick (canon): platonically

hoon: not sure how you’d motorboat someone platonically

big dick (canon): he’s too outgoing for me. cannot imagine I’d ever have a moment to myself if I ever dated him

hoon: Wonwoo? Everyone liked him back in university

big dick (canon): unfortunately, all he seems to talk about is gaming. I don’t mind gaming once or twice, but talking about it all the time? That bores me

hoon: Chan? He’s younger than you, but you could be a cougar, for all I know

big dick (canon): I’ve seen Jeonghan beg on his knees for him to go home after a drinking session

hoon: Minghao?

big dick (canon): He once teased me for my curtain bangs for a week straight

hoon: fine then, Cheol?

big dick (canon): Too competitive

hoon: Seungkwan?

big dick (canon): Too athletic. Also, isn’t he joining the culture desk soon?

hoon: Seokmin?

big dick (canon): Too outgoing

hoon: Vernon?

big dick (canon): Too quiet

hoon: Jun?

big dick (canon): Too weird

hoon: Jesus, fuck, woman, what kind of person do you want to date?

big dick (canon): ykw, just set me up with Mingyu. If nothing I can still get to say I motorboated some great pecs

big dick (canon): seriously, his pecs are bigger than my boobs

big dick (canon): how does he do it

big dick (canon): can I hold them

big dick (canon): respectfully

big dick (canon): in a non-sexual way

big dick (canon): please

hoon: I’m sure he’s going to appreciate that

big dick (canon): please ask him

big dick (canon): how does one get that kind of pectoral muscles

big dick (canon): wow

hoon: my pecs are bigger than his

big dick (canon): is this some new sort of dick-measuring contest idk yet

big dick (canon): if it is

big dick (canon): you’re losing

big dick (canon): I need to take a bite from his tits

big dick (canon): One

big dick (canon): Teensy tiny

big dick (canon): Munch

hoon: I’m so close to blocking u

big dick (canon): They hated Jesus because he spoke the truth

hoon: maybe you need to consider that Jesus had very bad vibes

hoon: so, you want to go on a date with Mingyu?

hoon: I feel like I should tell you that he eats the equivalent of three people

hoon: at the same time

big dick (canon): As long as he lets me motorboat him

 big dick (canon): I don’t care

big dick (canon): He can eat as much as he wants

hoon: why must you be so horny over Mingyu of all people

hoon: he’s not even that attractive

hoon: and I’ve got bigger pecs than him

big dick (canon): congratulations on having bigger pecs, but I’m still gonna motorboat Mingyu

big dick (canon): going to gently hold his tits

hoon: between you going feral and Joshua badgering me about his engagement party dinner

hoon: I can’t help but feel as though both of u are out to make me go insane

big dick (canon): are you gonna go to that?

hoon: he’s already made plans at the barbecue place where we go to

hoon: even got a whole discount coupon and everything

hoon: normally I’d be upset that he’s being cheap, but after researching the price of that ring, I’m prepared to forgive him this once

hoon: next time I’m forcing him to take us out to a good dinner place

big dick (canon): are you planning to spend all his salary

big dick (canon): I’m in

big dick (canon): Ugh I haven’t eaten anything since the morning

big dick (canon): Can you ask Mingyu to bring me food

hoon: you’re incorrigible

hoon: have you been able to maintain eye contact with him?

big dick (canon): UNFAIR

big dick (canon): You know I can only do that with you

big dick (canon): Since you’re exactly my height

big dick (canon): Hehe

hoon: I’m blocking u and this number right NEOW

hoon: cannot believe I’m conversing WILLINGLY with someone who slanders my height

big dick (canon): see u at the barbecue place tonight

big dick (canon): have fun on the song

hoon: I’m trying to finish it

hoon: cannot believe I’ve gone into a slump

big dick (canon): you know how this can be cured?

big dick (canon): An INTERVIEW

big dick (canon): With yours truly

big dick (canon): Please

hoon: ask someone else

hoon: Soonyoung

big dick (canon): he’s an idol, yes but  

big dick (canon): I’m terrified he’s going to do at least three tiger impressions

hoon: wrong, he’s going to do at least five

hoon: ugh gotta go

hoon: see u at the dinner

I stare at the dark phone screen for about five minutes after I’ve finished texting Jihoon. His interest in setting me up with one of his friends aside, he’s not wrong. I’m sexually frustrated, which means I’m just projecting my desires onto the closest available person, which in this case, happens to be Joshua.

Okay, fair enough, then why not anyone else? The people at my workplace aren’t that bad, and some of them are fairly good-looking, so why not them?

As soon as that thought comes into my mind, I shake it away violently. To willingly date someone in the workplace is inviting a whole host of problems, HR notwithstanding. And to imagine the fallout when I eventually break up with them, while still having to work with them in the same office—no, I’d rather take a transfer. The only option that remains are Jihoon’s friends, and while they’re all nice, they can also be terrifying, and therefore, not the best options for dating. Or sleeping around, which is what Jihoon wants me to do.

“Ugh, why do I have to have these feelings,” I moan into my pillow. It would have been great if I were born as an amoeba. Or as a plant. No need for my feelings to take centre stage, no need to maintain friendships with annoying people like Jihoon or Joshua. Just peaceful photosynthesis, and being eaten by a random goat on a random Tuesday. I wouldn’t even need to go to university. Nothing required. Just basking in the sun.

And unfortunately, because my mind is a little traitor, it focuses on the one thing that I don’t want to focus on: Jihoon’s offhand comment about his pecs being bigger than Mingyu’s; which, if I know Jihoon as well as I do, is a blatant lie, but even the thought of it is enough to send me into a downward spiral. What the hell does he mean, he has bigger pecs than Mingyu? Its not as if I want to see them, and let this be known, and made into public record, that I’ve never once wanted to see Jihoon’s pecs.

But.

Of course, its not as if I haven’t thought about it. not as far as Jihoon, who apparently masturbated to the thought of me, but of course I have idly wondered, what it would be like. When he came back from the military, its all I could think about for a couple days, before I had to physically slap myself back into reality. Unfortunately for me, his one petty comment about the size of his pectoral muscles, threatens to throw me back into the pits of desperation yet again.

Ugh. I slam my face into the pile of fresh laundry, hoping for it to soothe my nerves. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t.

Its at that moment that the chatroom pings again, this time with a  message from Joshua.

joshuji: SHE SAID YES!!!!

hoon: congratulations!

big dick (canon): Congratulations!!!

—

The barbecue place is good enough for us, but for a dinner celebrating Joshua’s engagement to Eunseo, it seems a little too shabby. Although given the amount of money he’s spent on an engagement ring (I saw the prices, and I had to stifle a gasp) it can be forgiven. Just this once, as Jihoon said.

I’ve come here late, on purpose. Between the excited texts from Eunseo, who texted me a picture of her ring, and I had to act appropriately surprised, and Joshua’s infamous enthusiasm for a. showing the world how much he loves his girlfriend and b. to torment his friends, I’m feeling drained. I’m dressed for a night of eating greasy food and drinking cheap alcohol: a hoodie borrowed (stolen) from either Jihoon or Joshua, and jeans. I can’t even lie to myself and give myself a reason to dress up, because even I can’t delude myself into doing that. Jihoon once saw me with day-old vomit on my shirt, and Joshua has seen me dress in my sleepwear for exams week.

The place is filled with smoke, emanating from the meat being cooked on the grills, and it takes me a moment to adjust myself to it all, before I look for the other three. They have all arrived, and according to Jihoon, who’s sent a message out of his own accord on the chatroom in a long time, they’re all eating lots of beef.

“You’re late,” Jihoon grumbles as I approach the table, “I had to sit through half an hour of these two being happy and in love.”

“You’re a liar,” I say, sliding into the seat next to him, “you enjoy romance movies.”

“Wow, that’s something I didn’t know about him,” Joshua says, with a twinkle in his eyes that I don’t want to decode, “how come you know everything about Jihoon?”

“Occupational hazard,” I reply, reaching for a piece of meat, “every time you bailed on us to go on a date with Eunseo, Jihoon and I would be forced to hang out together.”

“It was horrible,” Jihoon agrees, “she’d force me to watch all these romance movies.”

“Says the man who cried while watching Love Actually.”

Eunseo giggles at that, almost doubling over herself. I narrow my eyes at Joshua, “have you both been drinking since the afternoon?”

“No, no, I haven’t,” Eunseo wheezes, and it’s unfair how gorgeous she is while laughing, too. She’s wearing an apron to prevent grease falling on her expensive clothes, and she’s still gorgeous. I snort when I laugh, and once Jihoon saw me with mango juice coming out of my nose, “it’s just funny.”

“What is?”

She points at the two of us, “you know, the both of you keep talking about how annoying you find each other, and yet you’re both closer to each other than anyone else. It’s just so funny to me.”

“Joshua,” Jihoon says, very seriously, “I think your fiancée has been taking drugs.”

“At the very least, she’s insane,” I supply helpfully, “no one in their right minds would date Joshua. Not to mention agreeing to marry him.”

Joshua puts an arm around Eunseo, “stop slandering my fiancée.”

Jihoon puts a piece of meat into his mouth, trying to change the topic, “have I mentioned I’m helping her hook up with someone?”

I cough violently, while Eunseo and Joshua wear twin expressions of confusion. “Wait, Jihoon,” Joshua says, “I thought you—”

“I told you not to talk about that!” I wail, a noise that’s fortunately covered by all the meat-grilling around me, “no, I’m not going to hook up with any of your friends. Jihoon has terrible taste in people, not to mention that all your friends aren’t exactly hook-up material.”

“You take that back,” he gasps, “weren’t you talking about how you’d like to motorboat Mingyu?”

“That was platonically!”

“I’m sorry,” Joshua interjects, looking at me as though I’ve sprouted another head, “how can you, and I’m just going off on a limb here, motorboat someone platonically?”

“That’s what I said,” Jihoon grumbles, “she keeps asking me to set them up once.”

“That’s because he’s the hottest out of all your friends.” The soju is bitter as I drink it, “if I have to engage in a night of mindless sex, might as well do it with the hottest guy around.”

“Knew it,” Jihoon wags one of his fingers at me, “knew you only wanted Mingyu for his body. How dare you do that to my friend.”

“You once stole his socks.”

“Once.”

“For a whole semester.”

“Fair enough.”

“Both of you,” Joshua says loud enough for us to stop bickering, “explain it to us properly. What do you mean you’re helping her hook up with one of our friends? And why are you letting him hook you up with one of our friends?”

I shrug, “It’s not a big deal. Besides, you heard us. It’s only going to be one time.”

“Do I need to give you the talk?”

Jihoon  laughs, “you do realise she’s an adult?”

“I’m not saying she can’t do anything; I’m just saying she needs to be careful!

“If I have to be careful around the rest of the guys, then maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them.”

“What do you mean she should be careful around the people who have known her for so long?”

“All of you!” Eunseo claps her hands, and like kindergarten children, we all turn to look at her, sheepish, “Josh,” she turns to the man in question, who looks sufficiently contrite, “let me have a word.”

As they leave, Jihoon pulls a face. “asshole.”

I take another shot of the soju, “he’s just looking out for me.”

“Then he shouldn’t be so overbearing about it.” Jihoon takes a look at me downing another shot, “should you be drinking this fast?”

“Don’t you start.” I say, shaking my head, “I’m going to drink enough to wipe out Joshua’s bank account.”

Jihoon says nothing, just looks at me, and then, after ten seconds, “do you want to do it?”

“Do what?”

“The date. With Mingyu.”

Maybe its just the alcohol getting to my head, or maybe its all this smoke, but his voice seems different. Is he concerned, or is he joking, as per usual? It’s confusing. Should I blame the alcohol? That seems easier, given how it’s getting to my head. “I don’t know.”

“He’s not that bad, you know. He’s a good listener, and if you want him to shut up, he will. He’s great that way.”

I stare at him. Jihoon has a strange look on his face, one that I can’t really place. Alcohol. Yes. Blame it on the alcohol. I take another shot, but before I can form a reply to him, Eunseo and Joshua are walking back to the table, hand-in-hand, identical smiles on their faces. As soon as it had come, the look in Jihoon’s eyes is gone, replaced by the usual, blasé attitude he has perfected.

“Sorry for being late,” Eunseo breezes as she settles into the table, “Joshua needed to be reminded of adult boundaries.”

“I’m sorry.” Joshua offers by way of an apology, “I overstepped.”

“Damn right you did.” Jihoon mutters.

“Apology accepted,” I smile, picking up a piece of meat, “can you order some more?”

—

Mondays are, unfortunately, the worst. Especially if one spent their Sunday evening drinking enough alcohol to lose half their memories. I slide into my seat at work, yawning as I inspect the things I have to finish working on before the end of the day.

“Morning, sunbae,” a cheery voice says, placing a cup of coffee on my desk, “you look like shit.”

“Not the time, Seungkwan,” I mutter, pressing two fingers to my forehead, “too loud, too loud.”

“Heard you got shitfaced with Jihoon and the others last night,” Seungkwan says louder, “Jihoon texted the chat with the others at two in the morning, saying how he was going to take you home.”

“He did?” thankfully, I have no recollection of this happening, so I just let him fill me in on the details, “all I remember is drinking too much at the barbecue place.”

“Celebrating Joshua’s engagement, right?” Seungkwan’s smile is irritating, and I hate how cheery he is in the morning, “he texted about that, too. The pear-cut diamond was, oof, it was something to see.”

“Why do you know about diamond cuts?”

“I grew up with sisters,” he shrugs, as if growing up with sisters imbued one with all the hidden knowledge of womankind, including, but not limited to, engagement ring diamonds and their specific cuts, “you pick up stuff from listening.”

“Jihoon told you all he took me home?” I ask, “he doesn’t usually say that kind of stuff.”

“You got especially drunk last night, so he made an exception for you.” Seungkwan grins, leaning in, “what do you think about Jihoon?”

“He’s a pain in my ass.” I mutter, switching on my computer, “also, go back to work, Seungkwan. You’re not even supposed to be here until next week!”

“Yoo-min quit, so they asked me to join a week early,” he gives me a grin that again, I try not to decode (what is it with all these men and their mysterious grins?) before settling down into the seat next to me, and promptly jumping up to subject me to a ninety-degree bow, “Boo Seungkwan, at your service!”

“Ugh,” I wince, waving at him, “sit down, for the love of god, no one needs to be that loud in the mornings.”

“You are my senior, as it happens, and I’m very keen on maintaining proper relations.”

“Get me one of those hangover cures.”

“I like the American style.”

—

To no one’s surprise, Seungkwan is a very competent worker. He’s a social butterfly, which means that he quickly endears himself to everyone at work, and by the time lunch rolls around, I have to hear praises of Seungkwan from everyone. It’s terrifying, how competent he is.

Being one of the associate editors, means I have to mostly edit the articles sent in by the reporters on ground, not to mention I get to pick and choose which issue I want to cover. I maintain as much of my professionalism as I can, while having a raging headache.

“Sunbae,” Seungkwan approaches me right before lunch, “will you be going out to cover an article?”

“I have an interview with an author after lunch, so not yet,” I reply, putting the finishing touches on a report sent in by one of our field staff, on some celebrity’s rash driving case, “I have some time.”

“Do you want to have lunch with the rest of us?” he asks, gesturing the group of five waiting behind him, “we’re going to have naengmyeon at the place down the block.”

“I have enough sense to not butt into the affairs of my juniors, Seungkwan,” I say, standing up from my chair, “here, have the card. Since its your first day here, the office should treat you.”

Seungkwan takes the offered card with a bow, and smiles brightly, “oh, but the editor said we’re having a company dinner tonight? Won’t you be joining us for that?”

“A group dinner?” I ask, and the group behind him nods their head, all in unison. It makes them look like little bobbleheads, for some reason. “Sure, I’ll join in.”

“Yes!” he seems unusually cheerful about the company dinner, which in my own experience is nothing but a pain that I had to accustom myself with when I joined the paper, “see you tonight, sunbae!”

“This kid,” I groan, picking up my coat. The prospect of lunch makes my stomach turn, and now I have to contend with dinner?

I text Jihoon while walking out of the offices. Joshua is busy with his new fiancée, and Jihoon’s building is far closer to mine that it is to Joshua’s place of work.

big dick (canon): Are u free

big dick (canon): For lunch

Unless Jihoon texts first, he takes an hour to respond at best, but as soon as I send the message, he’s typing a reply.

hoon: lunch?

hoon: if it isn’t lunch I’m killing u

hoon: dude I’ve never had a block this bad I think I’m going to go crazy

hoon: not to mention the hangover from last night is crazy

big dick (canon): it is for lunch, you idiot, why would I text u otherwise

big dick (canon): and I can agree on that, my head is killing me

hoon: is hangover soup cool with u

hoon: I know a good place

hoon: meet u at the front of your building in five

hoon: please tell me all the details about Seungkwan

“He took five minutes to get the editor to warm up to him?” Jihoon cackles, as the lady serves us two steaming bowls of seollongtang, “of course, it’s Seungkwan. He can make anyone warm up to him in minutes.”

“I fear he takes it as a challenge.” I say, spooning the milky broth into my mouth, “ah! Its hot!”

“Why can’t you just wait for a while, before eating your food?” Jihoon pours me a glass of water, “did you die of starvation in your previous life?”

“I don’t believe in that.”

“Yes, yes, Miss Atheist. Tell me what else our little dongsaeng get up to in the meantime.”

“He’s not been given a lot of work, given that it’s his first day,” I take another, more tentative sip of the broth, “but unfortunately, I’ve got to attend another company dinner tomorrow night.”

“Another company dinner? Haven’t you gone through enough pain to consider drinking again, what,  barely twenty-four hours later?”

“Twenty-fours is pushing it,” I say, wincing at the sound of my own voice, “ugh, this damn hangover. I can’t even function. Let’s just eat in silence.”

“You want a cider?” Jihoon asks, looking around for the owner to ask for two cans of cider, but the owner is faster than him, setting down two cans of soda in front of us with a smile on her face.

“Your boyfriend is very caring.” She tells me, “its so nice to see someone taking care of their girlfriend so well. The sodas are on the house, okay?”

“Oh, but he’s not—” even before I’ve finished my sentence, she’s gone again, tending to her other customers. Jihoon opens one of the cans for me without saying a word.

“We should stop coming here.” I say, accepting the can from him, “why would anyone think that we’re a couple?”

“They can’t accept that men and women can just be friends, that’s why.”

“Too bad the food is great.”

Jihoon pauses for a moment, then a slow, sly smile spreads all over his face. I know that look. That look does not bode well for me, or for anyone else involved. The first time I saw Jihoon have that look on his face, Seungcheol embarrassed himself so badly in front of a group of first-year students, he refused to come out to any events where Jihoon was invited, for almost a month. This look means that he’s got some sort of evil plan in his mind, one that involves another person and their total embarrassment. He takes a look around the restaurant, and sits up straight. The words that come out of his mouth next, however—

“Babe,” Jihoon says, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear, “don’t you think this place is great?”

What the fuck?

“Jihoon, what are you doing?” my voice is a whisper, “they’re all looking at us!”

“That’s the point.” He whispers, before smiling, “you should say something too, you know. Make the whole thing more believable.”

“I don’t want to!”

“They gave us free sodas; they deserve a special performance at least.” He points to the owner, who looks like she’s about to break her face from smiling so damn broad, “sorry, my girlfriend is a very shy.”

“Oh,” the lady waves it away, “anyone can see you are in love!”

In the end, when Jihoon is paying for our lunches, she takes a final look at the two of us, and croons, “you two make a lovely couple!”

“What the fuck was that?” I turn on Jihoon as soon as we are safely out of the restaurant and far enough for anyone to eavesdrop, “Why the hell would you tell her that we’re dating?”

“Thought you needed a pick-me-up,” Jihoon grins, “at least I got you to stop worrying about things so much.”

“There are better ways of going about that than telling unsuspecting diner owners that we are dating!”

“It was funny, you have to admit,” he smiles, and I have to begrudgingly agree, “see, told you we’d make a cute couple.”

I would rather die than tell Jihoon that I agree with him on anything, so I keep quiet. Thing is; it was rather funny. Especially with how the owner reacted to us.

“And later on,” Jihoon says, holding on to my arm as we cross the road, “when you come to this place with someone else, you can just tell her that we broke up.”

“You need to stop talking about how I’m going to start dating other people.” I mutter, “just because I’ve got some frustrations I need to work out, doesn’t mean I’m going to go running into the arms of whoever it is who offers first.”

“Careful with that,” he says, standing at the crossroads where he’s supposed to walk towards his building, “you might end up regretting it.”

And with a single wave, he’s gone. I stand for about five minutes, like an idiot, while the busy crowd walks past me, trying to decode his words. Why would I regret my decision to not date someone just because I need to get over myself? Not to mention Jihoon has been behaving strangely since the previous night.

“Sunbae,” Seungkwan materialises next to me, “penny for your thoughts?”

“Jesus!” I narrowly escape jumping three feet into the air, “give a girl a warning!”

“I did call out,” he pouts. Its disconcerting how adorable he is. “You were pretty engrossed in looking into the distance to even notice my presence.”

“Are you upset?”

Seungkwan smiles, “if you agree to a badminton match with me over the weekend, I’ll overlook this slight.”

I sigh. “You drive a hard bargain,” I say, making my way into the building, “see you at the dinner, then.”

—

[justnatoka]

Creatures of the night

Poly! Lost Boys x GN! Reader

A/n: It's finally done! I had so much fun writing this! I would love to expand more on this idea. Let me know if you would be interested in that, or if you have any ideas for it. Maybe I'll write something that focuses more on the reader's relationship with the boys next. Also, I tweaked the timeline a bit for the sake of the story. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 3.4k

Warning: none, I think

Summary: Sam wants to save his brother, so he asks for help from the Frog brothers. What he doesn’t anticipate is that they introduce him to you, the person who taught them everything about vampires.

Sam didn’t have many choices. Michael had been turned into a bloodsucking creature of the night, and as much as he wanted to help him – not least for his and their mother’s safety – he knew he couldn’t do it alone. So he went to the two people he could (hopefully) count on. If someone told him a few days ago that he would turn up on the doorstep of the Frog brothers’ comic book shop for advice on how to terminate vampires, he would have laughed in their face. But alas, here he was.

After listening to every detail about the recent changes in Michael’s behaviour, not to mention last night’s events – Nanook attacking his brother, seeing his half faded reflection in the mirror and the levitating act he performed outside Sam’s window – they took a moment to take everything in.

“This is serious, man” Edgar finally said then he turned to his brother. They exchanged a silent look and nodded before turning back to Sam.

“We’re gonna take you to someone” Alan announced.

“They taught us everything we know about vampires” Edgar explained solemnly.

Sam gulped. If this person is some kind of vampire expert, they could definitely use their help. He didn’t want Michael to be killed, but he couldn’t stay a bloodsucker either.

“Alright, take me to them.”

-------------

He got suspicious when they turned up at a totally normal looking house, and his apprehension only grew as the Frogs rang the doorbell. He waited with baited breath as a minute passed by without anything happening. Then finally, the door opened. He didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe someone with military style clothing that screamed “tough guy” – similar to what the Frog brothers tried, and ultimately failed to pull off in his personal opinion – but with big bulging muscles, who could knock out any vampire they saw. Or even a shady character with nervously twitching hands and a conspiratory look in their constantly moving eyes who’s always looking around for danger. But the person standing at the door was none of that. In fact, they were just… a normal person, around his brother’s age. He shot the Frogs a confused look, but they didn’t pay him any attention as they were too busy snapping their heels together and saluting with a unanimous,

“Good morning, boss.”

Their “boss” leaned against the doorway.

“’Sup?”

The reply was so casual, none of the Rambo wannabe bullshit the boys always used. That’s it, Sam was even more confused. They came to see this person?

“We need your help, boss. Seriously confidential business” Edgar explained. They nodded and disappeared inside.

“Come on in then.”

You led them up the stairs and into your bedroom for some privacy, then shut the door just in case your Dad left his workroom at the end of the hall. You sat down on your bed, the boys settling down on the carpet. Sam looked around. The bedroom was pretty normal as well, with a bookcase full of horror novels as far as he could see, a bunch of CDs next to a CD player and band posters of the walls. Although he spotted a few comics on the nightstand that looked similar to the ones the Frogs gave him.

“So,” you rested your arms on your knees and laced your fingers together, glancing between the boys. “What is it?”

The brothers turned their heads towards Sam. You’ve been wondering how Edgar and Alan knew him since you first saw them standing in front of your house. His clothes were fashionable, his hair styled. He wasn’t exactly the type of person the boys usually hang around.

“How do you know each other?” he asked instead. Looks like he was thinking along the same lines.

“I used to look after them when they were younger” you answered casually.

He blinked before directing his growing exasperation towards the brothers.

“Your babysitter? You brought me to your babysitter?”

“Former” Alan added as if that was the biggest problem with this whole situation. Sam let out a frustrated huff.

“And how exactly are they supposed to help my brother? Don’t tell me that all your knowledge comes from these” he waved his hand in the direction of your bookshelves.

“Actually, most vampire related media is full of bullshit” you interjected.

He froze. “How did you…?”

“…know that your brother was turned into a vampire?” You finished with a smirk. “I know a lot about what goes on in this town. I know who turned your brother and most likely how they did it. I know he’s been googly-eyed about a girl who hangs around a rather questionable crowd. He’s been acting strange ever since he met her, right?”

Sam just gaped, not knowing what to say before shutting him mouth and nodding. You gave an understanding nod in return.

“Is he fully turned?”

When a confused frown appeared on his face you added, “Has he taken any blood? Killed someone?”

“No, I don’t think so. He’s a jerk, but he couldn’t kill anyone.”

You smiled at the sibling banter. “Then he’s only half. The way things stand now, there are two options for your brother. One, he eventually loses the fight against the bloodlust and ends someone’s life, becoming a full-fledged vampire. Or two, you find the head vampire and kill him. That way, every half-vampire that was turned using his blood will become human again.”

Silence fell on the room as they mulled over what they just heard. It was Edgar who spoke up at last.

“Then we have to find the head vampire. Do you have any ideas who it is?” he turned to Sam.

“Maybe” he hesitated. “But I’m not sure.”

You reached across to your nightstand, grabbing one of the comics lying there and handing it to them.

“This might give you some ideas.”

Sam took the comic into his hands, eyeing it skeptically.

“Didn’t you say that most vampire related media is full of bullshit?”

“Not this one” you reassured him.

“How do you know?”

A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “My dad writes them.”

You thoroughly enjoyed the surprised look on his face before he opened it and turned a few pages.

“Hounds of Hell” he read aloud before glancing back at you. You could already see the gears turning in his head, a thought forming behind his eyes, something akin to recognition, but not fully there yet.

“Thank you. Let’s go guys, we have to make a plan” he gestured to the other two then rushed out the door. Edgar and Alan hurriedly got to their feet, and with a quick goodbye they ran after their friend.

------------

They failed massively. Sam was so sure about Max being the head vampire, however he passed all their tests. And above that, his mom got mad at him for ruining her date night. Again. But now they were getting ready to head to the hideout of the group that turned Michael. The Frogs reassured him that they’re coming armed with stakes and other weapons to kill the head vampire. Meanwhile, Michael can go and rescue his girlfriend. One thing was for sure: this time they were finishing the job.

-------------

You let out a shaky breath as you put down the phone. You just received a call from Alan, telling you that they are going to the vampire hideout. They planned to kill off who they thought was the head vampire. They wanted to let you know in case anything happened to them. You were cursing out loud while you shrugged on your coat in a hurry and ran out the door. This isn’t how things were supposed to play out. They were blindly walking into a den of wolves, having no idea what they were up against. This situation could only result in someone getting hurt. All you could hope was that you got there in time, before they did something stupid and irreversible.

--------------

Edgar and Alan led the way down the stairs and into the cave. It had a bunch of warning signs, and looked like it has been abandoned for decades. However, as they entered the gaping mouth into the darkness, they arrived into a space that resembled a hotel lobby, albeit all messed up and crumbled, but still in a pretty good shape. It would have been a very cool hideout, Sam thought, if it didn’t belong to a bunch of nightcrawlers. It was sure as hell that this place was lived in.

He helped Michael get down the sloping entrance, just as the Frogs discovered Star sleeping in one of the corners.

“Don’t you touch her! You stay away from her!” His brother could barely stand on his own two feet, yet he scrambled over to the girl.

“The rest of them are gotta be around here someplace. Let’s find them.” Edgar motioned for Alan.

“I can’t let you do that” came a voice from behind then. Startled, they turned around. There you stood near the mouth of the cave, your form half in the shadows. “I can’t let you kill them.”

“Why not? They are bloodsucking monsters!”

You stepped forward, shaking your head.

“My answer is still no. Take the girl and the little boy, then leave. They will go after you to try and bring them back, and you’ll probably have to fight them. But you can’t kill them here and now.”

Sam looked over to the Frogs and couldn’t believe his eyes when they seemed to hesitate.

“No! This is crazy! We have to end them now. This is our best chance while it’s still daylight. Come on, guys.”

“You can’t kill them all at once. Not like this. You’ll need a more solid plan for that than a few wooden stakes. If you end one of them now, they’re gonna come for you with even more vengeance. They know this place like the back of their hand, and you don’t. There’s a high chance you won’t even make it out of this cave alive.”

It certainly made sense. The more Sam thought about it, the more ill-prepared this all seemed. If they are really such bloodthirsty killers like Michael told him, maybe it was better to rethink their strategy instead of just rushing headfirst into a dark cave full of dangerous vampires.

He was still a little disappointed they couldn’t just end it here and now, but as he turned to the Frog brothers, he saw it in their eyes that they cracked. They will follow what their “boss” told them to do.

“Alright. What do we do?” he sighed.

“Let’s regroup somewhere safe. Then we can come up with a plan for tonight. As soon as they discover you took those two, they’ll come after you. That only leaves a couple of hours to prepare for an attack.”

“We can go back to ours, fortify the house.” You and Sam exchanged a serious look as you nodded.

“Sounds good. Let’s get going.”

The boys helped Michael carry Star and Laddie, as he was rapidly losing strength. When they passed you on the way out, Sam was sure he heard you let out a relieved sigh. He guessed you were worried about Edgar and Alan running into danger. You certainly looked like you cared about them. Shortly after they got up to the car, you also joined them. They didn’t question what took you so long, they didn’t have to know about the note left behind.

As you got into the driver’s seat – seeing as Michael was in no shape to drive – Sam wondered about how lucky they were to have you on their side. Someone with knowledge about vampires, who could also be the voice of reason if need be. It could have ended a lot worse if they got into a fight with those bloodsuckers in the tight corridors of the cave.

-------------

It was over. The last few hours have been a flurry of rushed preparations that morphed into total chaos as the vampires came. Sam was still reeling from all the running and fighting and screaming, the feeling of victory as they took down all of them, followed by the chilling panic as Max made his appearance, finally showing his true face. But it was over now.

His mom and Michael were hugging him, Star was hugging Laddie, and he could have sworn he heard the Frog brothers saying something about charging them for this, but he honestly couldn’t care less. Grandpa made his way into the kitchen, opening a beer and grumbling about all the damn vampires in Santa Carla.

They were all too busy with relief to notice you standing back, anxiously gnawing at your lips, waiting, listening for any sound from other parts of the house. Then a groan came from the workshop, and a smile spread on your face.

Everyone else jumped, the Emersons huddled together with Grandpa peeking out from the kitchen. Michael drew Star closer to him, Laddie clinging to her other hand. The Frog brothers were on their feet in an instant, taking up some improvised fighting stances. All staring cautiously towards the workshop, they collectively almost had a heart attack as they watched David sit up on the table with another grunt. After some struggling he slipped off the horns piercing through him with a sickening wet sound. He cracked his neck and let out a satisfied sound from deep in his chest. The puncture wounds on his torso already started to heal. They frantically turned around as more footsteps were heard approaching from different parts of the house. Sam looked at his brother in a panic. How is this possible? They were sure they killed them. He saw Michael tense up. He was pulling what little energy he had left together and getting ready for another fight. The problem was, he turned back into a human as Max died. They probably wouldn’t be able to fight them off in the state they were in, tired and bruised.

The rest of David’s gang emerged, a little worse for wear but healing rapidly.

“Look out!” came Alan’s frantic voice when he saw the three vampires approach you from behind.

“You okay, babe? Hope we weren’t too rough on ya.” As Paul sneaked an arm around your waist and pulled you into his side, you leaned into him.

Everyone just stared at you in dumbfounded silence. David’s footsteps thudded loudly as he circled around their group and stood beside you and his brothers. Without even looking, you laced you fingers together with his. It seemed so natural. That’s what went through Michael’s mind as he watched the little show of affection between you and the vampires. This didn’t happen yesterday, this has been an ongoing thing for a while.

Alan was the first to voice what everyone was wondering.

“How is this possible? We killed you” he pointed an accusatory finger at the bloodsuckers.

“That’s gonna stay our secret” you stated. “I might have taught you everything you know about vampires, but I didn’t teach you everything I know.”

“So you were with them all along?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Of course I was. How do you think I know so much about the creatures of the night?”

“Boss… you really betrayed us for the enemy?” Edgar’s voice sounded so hurt it almost broke your heart.

“Max was the enemy.” Your matter-of-fact tone did nothing to ease the situation. In fact, it only made the boys angrier.

“But they hurt people!” Alan shouted. Dwayne took a step forward and Marko let out a low growl at his raised voice. You quickly let go of David’s hand and gently put it on Dwayne’s arm. You made sure to give Marko a reassuring glance as well before continuing.

“You don’t have to agree with my actions. I love them, and that’s enough for me.” You turned toward Michael. “At least that’s something I think you can understand.”

He gave you a silent nod as he held Star closer to his side.

“For what?” Sam mumbled. “You put your friends in danger” he motioned to the Frog brothers, his voice rising in volume, “but for what? What was the point of this whole thing?”

“First of all, they were never in any real danger. Except when you planned to ambush David and the others in the cave. That could have ended really badly.”

“They planned to do what?!” Marko almost lunged at them again, but Paul held him back.

“Come on, bud. It won’t do any good, if we kill them now” he tried to reason with him.

“To hell with that! We were holding back all the while they tried to kill us multiple times. Tried to ambush us! I say we finish them now.”

David’s cool voice broke through the argument.

“As much as I’d like to do that, you’re forgetting the fact that they are Y/N’s friends. They asked us not to hurt them.”

Marko seemingly realized his mistake, glanced at you and hung his head. He let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, sugar” he mumbled.

“Is that true?” It was Edgar who spoke up this time. He was looking at you intensely. “You told them not to hurt us?”

You nodded.

“They were never going to kill you, they just had to make it believable. Like I said, Max was the enemy. We knew he planned to turn Michael’s family, and we saw an opportunity. You wanted to turn your brother back” you turned to Sam, “and the boys wanted Max gone. Our problem was one and the same. And now everyone got what they wanted.”

“You pointed us towards Max. With the comic” Sam realized.

You nodded again.

“Things didn’t exactly go according to plan, but it turned out fine in the end. I knew Max would come out of hiding if the boys were in danger. So I left them a note in the cave about the change of plans. Max was smart. We had to make it look like they died for him to appear.”

You could tell your explanation didn’t exactly placate them, tensions were still high, but that was okay. You anticipated their anger. You didn’t mind it so long as everyone was alive.

“If you would excuse us, this has been a long night. Me and my boys will leave you to be.”

You sent a sad smile towards Edgar and Alan as you walked past them. You could tell they still had some things they wanted to say, but decided not to, at least not now. It really has been a long night, and everyone just wanted it to end already. Your departure was followed by a long silence as they were trying to make sense of everything. Eventually, Grandpa spoke up.

“Those damn vampires, I’m telling ya.” He just shook his head and headed for his workshop.

You were also silent on your way back to the cave. Paul nudged your arm.

“You okay, babe?” he asked with a hint of worry on his handsome face.

“Yeah, I’m fine” you sighed. “I just hope I didn’t ruin my friendships.”

“They will come around” he reassured you. “And if they don’t, you still have us” he sent you a cheeky smile.

The corner of your lips finally turned upright.

“Thank you” you whispered as you leaned into him more.

“Don’t mention it, dollface.”

You looked over at your lovers, resting your gaze on all their faces for a long moment. You were just happy they were all okay.

[weebsinstash]

You know what I've been thinking about lately? Reader x yandere Japanese coworker who gives you inappropriately elaborate bento boxes

That sounds so ultra specific and you're like "well weeb what do you mean, INAPPROPRIATELY ELABORATE" and like I don't mean there's gold leaf and pearls in there or anything but

Say we have Izuku because he's actually specifically who I've had this idea for. I've been having ideas specifically for a Quirkless AU where you work at a company and you're a grown ass adult and he's like, freshly 20, 21, and he's already a significantly higher position in the company than you. I'm talking one day you start hearing of a new transfer and you're standing at the bus stop/train station whatever to go to work and there's some baby faced young man who is being a little too chatty and friendly with you and you're almost wondering if he's stalking you to work when you find out... He's the son of the president of the company or he's like a few positions below CEO 💀💀💀 you could be like 32 and you've worked here for 4 years and here's this, almost KID making like triple if not even more multiples of your entire year's salary

So you're frugal with your money, saving up for a house or something big, or just straight up in a position that isn't paid very well or, maybe you even have an eating disorder or have a diet where you skip meals, and one day Izuku is doing the thing where he's standing inappropriately behind you to look over the quality of your work on your current task when he hears your stomach grumble and asks if you've taken your lunch yet, and pressures you to go eat, oh "it's our obligation as a company to make sure you're taking your legally mandated breaks :) go take a break, you've worked hard today", and then he's being nosey as fuck about THAT too, snooping to find out what you're eating, maybe even taking his lunch at the same time to try and follow you to where you're eating

Either after finding out you straight up don't eat lunch, or you eat too little, or food that isn't very good for you, one day Izuku is very confidently setting a bento down in front of you, all smiles, so friendly, "I made this for you! I really hope you try some of it!"

I've heard Japanese people say things along the lines of "we don't say I love you but we will ask if you've eaten today" and how in a lot of cultures food is a love language (like how the Mystic Messenger boys would ask if you've eaten?). So. You go to open this lunchbox, having no idea what to expect. And it's. It's not just like, store-bought rice balls, he obviously COOKED THINGS. You open up your bento thinking it's just something easy and simple and it's something like THIS

like. Appreciate the love language that is "cutting food into fun and cute shapes". The man hands you something that took WORK, DEDICATION, FOCUS. There is no point in all the detail besides to make it more enjoyable and he's giving it to YOU. He's handing you an ENGAGEMENT RING OF BENTO BOXES here. And this man is... your boss whom you spend absolutely 0 time outside of work with and you also resent his success 💀

I also see Japanese yandere, specifically in Japan, taking advantage of the Japanese culture of drinking after work. There's real pressure to go to certain company drinking parties, to know how to politely serve drinks to and obey your higher ups, how you'll be ostracized if you don't go when invited, so then you're being awkwardly pressured into situations with a yandere who is trying to make you slip up and let loose little personal details about yourself. So what's your favorite color? Aaa, mine too! I think you said something about growing up innn.... yeah, that was the name, thank you!" and just. Really boiling your frog, you know what I mean? You're getting more comfortable, not realizing the yandere is gradually increasing the amount of alcohol you're drinking and the intensity of their questions

"So, you said you were saving up for a house? Are you going to live there with your partner? Oh, you don't have anyone? Well, surely there was someone in the past, right? No? But... but you're so wonderful, that's so sad! I'm sure someone will come along and, help provide for you and help you settle down someday :) so, what kind of house were you thinking of buying--"

[autumnwoodsdreamer]

You gotta admit, the start of The Mandalorian was a very weird couple of days for Grogu.

I mean, it all starts with blasterfire in the camp (which, by now, is really nothing new to this kid). But then everything goes still and your relatively safe little pod is opened by a droid and a guy wearing a helmet. You know they were the cause of the blasterfire and they seem to be working together but then the droid tries to shoot you—which, yeah, okay, fair; not the first time this has happened, maybe it’ll be over now—and there’s a shot but not from the droid, no, helmet-guy just took out his partner.

Okay.

That’s… also probably not unusual.

But then. THEN. Helmet-guy tilts his head and holds out a finger in a way people do for babies they want to interact with, not targets they’re gonna bring in. So you reach back because, hey, this guy seems kinda nice.

You leave together and it’s a really long way. You get ambushed and attacked by more hunters and helmet-guy protects you. You carry on. Helmet-guy is NOT a talker. But that’s cool; you don’t talk either.

You see he’s hurt. He’s been pretty nice so far and, hey, he got hurting protecting you. Only fair you heal him. But you keep trying and he keeps putting you back in your pod and, again, the fact neither of you talk is a problem. Whatever. He can suffer; he won’t die.

You get to his ship and, yikes. What a dump. It’s such a mess. And there’s scavengers picking it all apart, making helmet-guy furious. Helmet-guy tries to chase them, I mean, actually chase them. He’s just one little man and that’s a big fat tank. What’s he thinking? That he’s just gonna stop it with his bare hands—oh, that does seem to be the strategy. (Starting to think this guy just wings everything he does in life. Like. There is no plan going on here whatsoever.)

Helmet-guy gets electrocuted by about twenty scavengers and falls like six storeys in an unconscious heap. Is he dead? Well. Can’t fix that. It was nice knowing him. Wonder how long until the next—oh, no. He’s okay. He’s sitting up. Okay. We’re back on track.

You go back to his ship and yup. Dump. Wires sparking and whole walls missing. The toilet’s even been pilfered. Yeah, okay, this place probably wasn’t always like this but—what are you doing starting the engines? The ship has holes in it, man. Gigantic, we’ll-get-sucked-out-into-space-and-freaking-die holes!

Another long walk. No talk. At least the sunset’s pretty. Get to a farm run by an old man. Helmet-guy apparently knows old man. Ooh! Frogs! Don’t mind if I do… (“spit that out” yeah right. You’re not the boss of me. You think I’m gonna take orders from a guy that just tried to fight a tank with his bare hands? Think again, buddy.)

Looooong trek through the night and, cherry on top, it’s raining. Not so great, but, hey! More frogs!

You reach the tank helmet-guy unsuccessfully tried to fight the other day. He and the old man start talking to the scavengers. Probably can’t hear what they’re saying, don’t know what the random fire demonstration is meant to accomplish, but when the scavengers start getting too close and too interested in you, helmet-guy shouts at them to get away. That’s nice of him. Scavengers start chanting. Now this is just weird.

Next thing you know, you’re all crammed into the tank—the same tank helmet-guy fought and fell off of. Helmet-guy doesn’t fit inside. He’s mad about this. He’s mad about everything. Scavengers continue chanting.

Tank stops. Helmet-guy takes you with him to a cave. He leaves you outside the cave and he goes in. Is this… is this part of the ritual? Should have brought a frog for the road… didn’t know this was gonna be a whole day affair… aaaaannnnnd now helmet-guy’s flying through the air. Kind of like how he fell off the tank. But faster. (Very throwable, this guy. The galaxy’s soccer ball, if you will.)

Helmet-guy lands in the mud and, boy, does he look like a train wreck. I mean, he’s been getting beat up pretty much every waking minute you’ve known him but this is taking the cake.

Still alive, though.

And moving.

(Seriously. What are his insides made of? Concrete???)

Then there’s roaring and stomping and this gigantic—and I mean GIGANTIC—horned beast comes out of the cave.

Is this what you were doing, helmet-guy? Provoking the dangerous wildlife? Is getting your butt kicked like a hobby for you or something?!?

Horned beast is, of course, rampaging mad and trying to grind helmet-guy into the mud. Helmet-guy is trying not to become mud and at the same time is making sure you’re out of the firing line. Again. Very considerate of him. But this is really not going well… helmet-guy is definitely not gonna survive this unless…

Oh.

What the hey?

Let’s use the Force.

You stop the horned beast and, yeesh, should’a stretched or warmed up or something. This is a lot to do after not tapping into the Force for literal decades. Reeeeeallly hope this works… gonna… pass… out��

And then you wake up, like, who knows how long after. Probably starving.

But, hey! Helmet-guy’s alright! That’s so great—wait, wait, wait… are we in space?!? In the ship without a toilet????!?!?

[petra-creat0r]

Deltarune: Fool's Fate - Remie

I've posted the refs for my secret bosses, both from my Deltarune take and Fool's Fate, so now I'm gonna start posting the refs for other Deltarune OCs too. Both from my Chapters 3, 4, and 5 takes, and from Fool's Fate. And what better place to start than your third party member from Fool's Fate herself, Remie?

Remie is the Junior Secret Squad's main healer, and quite literally takes the place of Ralsei for Chicago and CK. The boys, and Remie for that matter, have never met or really heard about Ralsei, and Kris is suspiciously quiet about the fluffy prince of the dark. Even still, Remie takes Ralsei's place as both party healer and overseer of Castle Town in his absence. She also seems to have the same strange knowledge that he did...

Remie's name is interesting. It's not an actual name, because similar to Ralsei, it's an anagram. Where Ralsei is an anagram for Asriel, Remienotta is an anagram for "marionette", as in puppet, both because she's based on a hand puppet, and because of Chicago, well... Speaking of origins! Remie isn't just any old hand puppet frog, she's Chicago's old baby toy. Basically like a teddy bear he's had since he was a baby, except a felt hand puppet. He lost her some years ago in his family's attic, which is where she ends up when the first fountain since Kris's adventure gets opened up there.

Despite speaking mostly normally, if a bit formally like Ralsei, Remie does have a bit of a text quirk. She'll often end questions with "Ribatti, ribatti/Ribatte, ribatte" or start/end answers and sentences with "Ribatto, ribatto." (There's a fun pun in what those translate to, let's see if anyone can figure it out ;)) Additionally, Remie will also use "Cra!" as an exclamation and speak Italian on occasion. Her name may not be a real name but she does know Italian.

All in all, I like Remie. She's just a funky little frog. Definitely nothing mysterious about her at all. Nope. Nothing. Just a normal healer for the party. Friendly frog here to help. =)

✌︎♐︎♓︎●︎◻︎⬥︎♑︎❍︎♋︎❍︎ ❍︎♏︎●︎●︎●︎♌︎♋︎ ✋︎ ⌘︎⍓︎♍︎□︎■︎ ●︎❒︎●︎♋︎❍︎❑︎⍓︎ 🙵♌︎⬥︎♋︎♋︎●︎♌︎���︎ ⚐︎♐︎⧫︎ ❑︎■︎●︎ ⌧︎❒︎ ♋︎ ⍓︎♏︎♓︎♓︎♑︎ ☟︎♋︎♒︎♍︎❖︎⧫︎ ⍓︎❖︎⬧︎□︎♓︎🙰❒︎ ⬥︎❖︎⬥︎ ⍓︎⍓︎♑︎♌︎📬︎

👌︎◆︎⌧︎♐︎ ♋︎♒︎■︎🙵 ●︎⬥︎🙵♎︎ ❖︎●︎ ♒︎♌︎❍︎ ❑︎⌧︎♒︎◻︎📪︎ 🏱︎♋︎◆︎□︎ ♌︎⬥︎🙵 ⌘︎🙵□︎♐︎⧫︎ ♍︎♌︎●︎♑︎♒︎ □︎⬥︎ ⬥︎♏︎❖︎⬥︎📬︎ ✌︎♐︎⬧︎⬧︎ ♌︎♌︎♒︎❒︎ ♐︎♎︎♍︎♌︎ ♎︎♎︎❍︎ ❖︎❖︎●︎♒︎●︎⬥︎⍓︎📪︎ 💣︎□︎♓︎♌︎ □︎♏︎❍︎♋︎ ♌︎🙵◻︎♍︎❒︎ ■︎⬥︎ ❑︎⌧︎◆︎♍︎📬︎

👎︎ ♑︎❒︎⬥︎♋︎ ⧫︎⌧︎❍︎❒︎ ♓︎♒︎■︎❖︎♑︎◻︎⬥︎🙵♏︎◆︎📪︎ 💧︎◻︎🕯︎♋︎ ♓︎⬧︎⍓︎❍︎⍓︎⌘︎♐︎ ♏︎●︎🙰⬥︎ □︎♏︎ ♌︎♋︎♓︎⬥︎📬︎ ✋︎⬧︎♒︎ ❑︎⬥︎♋︎⬥︎●︎❖︎ ⌘︎♒︎❒︎♎︎ ♎︎♓︎♓︎⬥︎♍︎♌︎❍︎📪︎ ☜︎❖︎❍︎□︎ ❖︎♒︎♐︎●︎♍︎⬥︎⧫︎ ❍︎❖︎ 🙰□︎⬧︎ ♌︎◆︎♌︎⌘︎ ⌧︎♎︎●︎❖︎ ♎︎🙵 🙰⌧︎🙵✍︎

🕆︎❖︎◆︎♌︎🕯︎♐︎ ♏︎●︎🙰⬥︎ ♐︎♐︎♌︎ ◻︎◻︎⌧︎ 😐︎❍︎❑︎■︎⬥︎♏︎📪︎ 🕆︎♌︎⌧︎ ❖︎⧫︎❒︎♌︎◻︎ ♌︎⌧︎⌘︎❒︎⬥︎♒︎□︎ ■︎⌘︎♒︎❍︎❑︎✍︎ 🕈︎⍓︎🙵◻︎🕯︎♋︎ ♑︎●︎♍︎❒︎⍓︎●︎✍︎ ✌︎⌧︎♎︎ ⌘︎♒︎⬧︎🙰□︎♒︎ ☠︎♒︎⍓︎ ❒︎❖︎⍓︎ □︎■︎♐︎●︎⬥︎ ⬥︎□︎ ⬧︎□︎♍︎❑︎♑︎📬︎

☟︎●︎ ♓︎♒︎⧫︎♒︎❖︎❒︎♍︎ ⬧︎◆︎♑︎⌘︎♋︎♌︎📪︎ ☹︎♋︎⬧︎♋︎❖︎⧫︎❒︎●︎ ◻︎❒︎⬥︎□︎ 🙵❒︎♋︎ ●︎⧫︎⍓︎♓︎📬︎ ✌︎♍︎□︎◆︎❍︎ ◆︎⬧︎⬥︎ ♌︎❖︎ ♎︎♎︎❍︎ ⬥︎❖︎♋︎🕯︎♑︎ 🙰⧫︎■︎♑︎ ✋︎⍓︎⬥︎ ♒︎❖︎🕯︎❖︎♒︎ ♌︎⧫︎❒︎♍︎ ♒︎♌︎❍︎ ⬧︎🙵●︎⬥︎🙵 ❍︎❒︎♌︎♑︎📬︎

✋︎♑︎🙵 ◆︎❖︎◆︎♌︎ ⧫︎♒︎❖︎♒︎ ●︎⬧︎ ❒︎ ❑︎⬥︎◆︎⌧︎📪︎ 👎︎♑︎♒︎♌︎⬥︎♒︎❍︎ ♒︎ ●︎♒︎●︎♑︎◻︎❑︎⧫︎ ⌘︎♌︎♑︎❒︎⍓︎✍︎ 👌︎◆︎⌧︎ ■︎⬧︎♎︎⧫︎ ♏︎⍓︎⬧︎ ♋︎⧫︎🙵🙰❍︎ ♋︎⬥︎♋︎⌧︎📪︎ ☪︎⬧︎ ⌘︎♒︎◻︎ ⌧︎🙵♌︎ ⧫︎ ❍︎◻︎♍︎♋︎ 🙰●︎ ❍︎□︎♓︎ ⬧︎◆︎♑︎⌘︎♋︎♌︎🕯︎●︎ ⌘︎♑︎❒︎⍓︎✍︎

[iamlostandinneedofcoffee]

Hades II Questions:

(Bear in mind I got immediately murdered upon entering the second level/realm/area so I know nothing)

What happened to our best boi Cerberus???

Is Hypnos okay? Is he napping like just catching up or was he injured/locked away in sleep??? Slight spoiler: in the flashback he was also sleeping so has he ever been awake as long as Melinoe can remember???

Where is Dusa?!!? Did she get out okay?

Completely not relevant to anything do you think the broker and the chef from the first game are platonic besties or were enemies to lovers fighting over who is Hades’ favourite??

Do you think we could see Rhea, Kronos’ wife and mother of many Olympians, in the story???

What the fuck are the doors/wards blocking??? Ones says it’s blocking upstairs and there were talks about going to Olympus so maybe that’s one????

Not a question but I want Achilles and Patroclus to meet Odysseus. I don’t know if they jump him or are just incredible snarky but I want to see it

Are Thanatos and Meg doing Hades runs but the opposite way? Like going from Tartarus trying to get into the house of Hades cause damn it Kronos that’s our dumbass, and also our boss and boss 2, give them back!!

Do the Silver Sisters ever get to be on screen together just to hanging out? Like I know there will be a boon duo at some point but I just wanna see them catching up. I’ll take a flashback but I want to girls to just be chilling with their emotional support birds, frog and horse

[universallydestinytaco]

“Pim’s Badass Cool Dude Sunglasses” SF Episode Idea

What if Pim was self-conscious about his eyes after his so-called “penpal” Jester-Janglebitch-Oscar and his flying monkeys mocked him for it so he starts wearing sunglasses to work, he starts getting compliments for his shades and of course there’s this group flirting with him and Pim believes it’s just because of the sunglasses making him cool and mature so he goes through a phase of making sunglasses his whole personality to the point where it annoys his co-workers to no end and Pim reveals why he’s on the sunglasses kick and they all genuinely feel bad, revealing each of their own insecurities and what they get teased for.

Charlie: Dude, all critters look funny, not just you! I still get teased for my nose and my voice all the time, *shudders* it was extra bad during Grade School…

Alan: I remember when someone made fun of me for my funny eyes, I just grabbed the hose and shot dirty brown water at them.

Glep: Esqkewabezebawaybpyo (I don’t care what anyone says, I love my lips!)

Mr. Boss: I always scare the birds away with my long spidery fingers, *sigh* I just want to hold one and sing to it…maybe birds just don’t like Death Metal.

Alan: …No offense but I think I know the real reason why they’re scared of you.

Pim, still self-conscious, insists he’s cooler and more attractive with sunglasses and goes to a party at Spaghetti Disco to prove his point, while he’s on the dance floor someone bumps into him and the shades fall off right in front of everyone and Pim starts having a panic attack and fears everyone will make fun of his “funny eyes”…only for the guests to compliment how adorable he looks with his big bright eyes and his tiny little body (based on the fandom seeing Pim as cute), Pim is visibly touched and gets emotional.

I don’t think anyone else in-universe perceives Pim as ugly, why else would Jennifer find him attractive and get pissed finding out she was being paired up with Shrimp instead? Also pretty sure Charlie finds Pim attractive why else would he smooch him? The Spamtopians are the only ones who ridiculed Pim for his appearance and no the first episode doesn’t count those frat boys where mocking him for not looking/acting his age, not his appearance or being too old to party the UFO a episode basically confirmed he’s a party person and all the other guests got a kick out of him.

(Sorry for the grammar error below my keyboard had a glitch)

[coryothesub]

Coryo from the academy being bullied by his classmates, the reader defends him, but with other intentions *wink, wink*

Oh dear anon this is an idea I didn't know I needed but I legit fell in love with it! This is also my first time writing Academy Coryo and I really enjoyed it, he’s just so innocent I can't... 

nsfw / mdni / academy!sub!coryo / academy!dom!reader

You were on your way to the library when you noticed a couple of girls taunting Coriolanus Snow in the hallway.

He was a year younger than you and you didn't know much about him except for the obvious fact that he was cute. And apparently he had some money problems because the whole conflict was about some extra food he had taken from the cafeteria for later.

“I knew it!” Valentia Frost looked upon him with an evil grin waving that goddamn sandwich in the air.

“Look at this little snob trying to act like he's one of us, but the Snows are actually a bunch of hungry beggars. So pathetic!”

Coriolanus stood by the wall completely frozen clutching at his textbooks. His face was flooded in red and you noticed tears welling up in his big blue eyes. He looked as if he was about to die from embarrassment and you suddenly felt sorry for him. Luckily you had the reputation of a menace after you had knocked out the biggest guy in your class when he tried to put a frog down your shirt.

“Leave him alone Valentia!” you shouted at her across the hallway. “The boy just wants to eat.”

“What are you his chaperone now?” The mean girl looked annoyed by your interference but she was also hesitant to push your buttons.

You approached her and stood dangerously close.

“Just fuck off!” You hissed and she reluctantly walked away, her clique following her immediately.

You grabbed Coryo by the hand and dragged him into an empty classroom nearby.

“Here you can eat your sandwich in peace.”

“T-thank you,” he said quietly, still looking terrified and embarrassed.

You approached him slowly and he started stepping back until he was stopped by an empty desk, he felt it pressing against his rear end and started leaning back as he felt your hot breath mere centimeters from his face.

“Don’t rush to thank me yet. Do you really think I'm done with you already?”

“I-I don't have any money…” Coryo confessed, his face bright red with shame.

You almost couldn't believe how innocent he was. He literally thought you were gonna make him pay for protection as if you were some kind of mob boss.

“I don't need your money, blondie,” you cooed and let your hand wander under his uniform kilt touching him rather inappropriately.

Coryo's mouth flew open as he slowly started to realize what were your true intentions.

It looked like he was trying to say something but words weren't coming out of his mouth, he just stared at you, his big baby blue eyes wide with shock.

You kept palming him for a short moment, then stopped abruptly.

“Of course, I’m not gonna do anything you don't like.”

The loss of contact elicited a soft whine from Coryo's lips.

“No, no, please…” he suddenly regained the ability to speak.

“Please what?” You teased, it was so arousing to see him all bushy and ashamed like that.

“Please continue… I did enjoy that.”

You leaned even closer to him, your lips lingering just near his.

“Okay then,” you whispered, causing his breath to hitch.

You let your lips press against his in what turned into a gentle kiss. You thought of it as pretty chaste, but Coryo almost jumped when he felt your lips on his.

Could it be possible that he hadn't even made out with a girl? The thought alone caused wetness to pool up in your panties.

You gave him a flirtatious smile and started unbuttoning your uniform jacket and shirt, revealing that you were wearing a pristine white bra. Without hesitation you pulled your titties out of the lacy fabric making Coryo gasp at the sight.

“Do you like what you see, Coriolanus?”

“I-I think you can call me Coryo now,” the boy was barely able to get the words out.

“You have beautiful breasts. May I…?”

Instead of an answer you took his hands and placed them on your tits. Coryo started fondling them carefully, his thumbs circling around your nipples, which were getting hard under his touch.

Enjoying his warm and soft hands on your skin you unzipped your uniform pants and let them fall freely on your neat shoes, followed by your panties.

You sat Coryo on the side of the desk and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips, then got his kilt out of the way and slowly lowered yourself on his bulge, letting out a soft moan at the feeling of your naked wet pussy pressing against the raw fabric.

Coryo watched your movements in awe, his eyes widening at the sight of your bare cunt landing just above his aching cock. He wanted to fuck you so badly but you had decided to leave that for later.

You knew his virgin cock wouldn't be able to take it for too long so you started rubbing your dripping cunt against his hard-on slowly grinding your hips back and forth.

Coryo let out a cute little whimper and you echoed it with a moan finally feeling a little relief for your aching pussy.

“So responsive, baby, so hard for me already,” you whispered against his lips before catching them in another kiss. Coryo kept making the cutest sounds that vibrated against your mouth as you kept rubbing yourself on him making circular movements to get some friction for your clit.

The blonde boy moved lower leaving a trail of soft warm kisses down your neck and wrapping his lips around your nipple. He sucked on your titties hungrily as you dug your fingers into his soft blonde curls and tugged on them gently feeling your climax slowly approaching.

You sped up your movements grinding yourself against his rock hard bulge with full intensity feeling your wetness overflowing and staining his red uniform pants. The friction felt so damn good that it brought you over the edge and you threw your head back moaning loudly as you came all over his clothed cock.

You grabbed Coryo's face and kissed him roughly feeling his whole body trembling as he came inside his pants. The boy's mouth fell open and you licked along his lips and tongue as he savored his orgasm, probably the most powerful he had experienced yet. 

After climbing off Coryo's lap you looked at him with a satisfied smirk. The boy's pants were completely messed up, both from his cum and yours, he sat there panting heavily, his face flushed and hair disheveled. He looked so pretty like that.

“Look at all the mess you made,” you mused. “Turns out you're a little whore, Coriolanus Snow.”

Coryo had no arguments to refute that. The shade of red filling his cheeks only got a bit deeper.

“Are we going to do this again?” He asked, looking at you curiously.

You smiled at him and adjusted his kilt, hiding the big wet stains on his pants.

“Of course darling, I’ve still got a lot to teach you after all.”

[4eyecomplex]

In a different context, the context being that it's all healthy, happy, and consensual, I could agree with this vision.

Because it wasn't in a healthy, happy, and consensual context...

[revelingrexan]

ABOUT LUCIFER CUSSING

i found something that surprised me and that i think other fans will find interesting

TL;DR - from what we have so far, Hazbin's Lucifer doesn't swear much. cussing just isn't his favored way of showing surprise, disgust, or whatever else someone might swear for. altho, he will swear if he's (1) trying to look cool, (2) interacting with someone he's especially irritated or upset by, (3) VERY surprised and/or disgusted, or (4) singing in harmony with other characters lol.

____

LONGER VERSION: an interesting aspect of Hazbin's version of Lucifer is he's still very much an angel in his personality and mannerisms. he's spent many millennia in Hell, though, and has grown jaded and callous about many things. but that angel part is still there, is how i interpret his comparatively rare swearing and his goofy substitutions ("Oh my golly" and "Whoopie! Bye-bye!" being the most notably silly, which i love)

and here's my data set lol. from both episodes 5 and 8

if you don't count his uses of "Hell" when solely referring to the location (e.g. "The big boss of Hell himself!") or God as swears, then of his nine swears, five of them are to Alastor or Adam (four to Adam), and two of them are in the final song (one just an exclamation and the other with him singing in harmony with other characters)

the "other exclamations" sections are pretty loose; those are times other characters might use a swear or might use words or actions (e.g. flipping someone off) that essentially function as swears

i don't know if this character observation and my "four reasons he might swear" will hold water in season 2 (more data points!! heeheehehehe), but, even though Vivziepop frequently gets criticized for all the swearing in her shows, she does seem thoughtful about giving characters swearing "styles," so i wouldn't be surprised if this was purposeful and will mostly stay in place

[screenshots transcribed to text under the cut]

episode 5 cusses

HEEEY BIIIIIIITCH

oH! What in the uN. HOLY. HELL. IS THAT?

OH YOU TACKY PIECE OF-- ((interesting. finally noticed his mouth is animated for the cut off "shit"))

other exclamations

Oh, who am I kidding? This SUCKS!

Daughter? DAUGHTER! DAUGHTER CALLING!? /OH!/

Abso-LUTEly!

Oh my golly!

(chuckles) Alright then. >:3c

Hold on now!

Whoopie! Bye-bye!

Alright, I mean, look.

Huh-HO boy!

(VIOLENT WHEEZE) ((on balcony))

CHARLIE! (EXHALE) YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

(COUGHED DISTRESSED WHEEZE)

(long sad exhale)

episode 8 cusses

...and now, I am going to FUCK you!

Nice try, douchebag.

You're in MY house, BITCH!

How's mercy taste, you little bitch?

🎵 HELL, you owe it!! 🎵

🎵 And then tomorrow it will be a fucking happy day in hell~ 🎵

other exclamations

Wait, what did I say?

(rapid entertained laughs)

Wuh-oh! :)

Whoa! :) Missed me! Not even close.

(frog blink)

Take your little friends... 🔥🔥AND GO HOME!!🔥🔥 Please. :3

Sooo... who's up for pancakes?

By God, Charlie! ❤️

Augh, this guy.

[marclef]

Soooo... FakePep is obviously kicking around, but what about the other clones? The other FakePeps like him, with darker clothes & less stability? The mass-produced Peppino Clones from WAR, made with a majority Frog DNA compared to FakePep? Maybe there's even others??????

sooo.... in my canon/Pizza Tower AU i suppose, there's technically 3 types of Peppino clones, i'll try to explain them a bit here.

well for starters, there's obviously Fake Peppino, we all know this boy. i headcanon that he's the first Peppino clone that was made, and is by far the strongest out of them. he's also fairly smart, just.... a lot different than the average person. he sees the world a lot differently than others do.

the Fake Peppino "Clones" from his boss fight, in actuality, aren't technically true clones per say, they're more of a defense mechanism from the true Fake Peppino. if he's under attack or feels severely threatened by something, (for example, a defensive Peppino), he's able to split these weaker clones off of himself to either attack or defend against the assailant. they're a lot less stable than he is, though, and only live for a few short moments before dying off into (mostly) inert goop. that's why they aren't TRUE clones, necessarily, but I'll count them anyways.

it takes a lot of energy for Fake Peppino to create these "clones", though, so he rarely ever does it. unless he feels in great danger, or worse, is agitated enough by something...

and of course, there's the numerous Peppino Clones from War, made to be mass-produced and a lot less human than even Fake is. they're based off of Fake Peppino's DNA, but a lot smaller than he is, more frog-like, and can reproduce rapidly. unlike Fake Peppino, their intelligence is only about as much as a standard frog's, meaning.... they're not exactly that bright. they see anything smaller than them as potential prey, but are generally aggressive towards each other as well, along with the true Peppino.

but, as for where they are now, before the Pizza Tower was destroyed, a good few of them managed to escape out into the wild, where they multiplied quickly. they eat nearly anything, and split into new clones once they've fed enough. however, they're not the strongest, and due to their small size, they're preyed upon by larger predators, meaning that despite everything, their population is stable.

they just need to be wary of going near Peppino's Pizza.... Fake Peppino doesn't take their presence well.

[weird-dork37]

Intro post

Ok so turns out I actually might post stuff so I guess for ppl who see these posts here’s a bit about me

My name is Iris (my friend helped me pick it out and I love it so much)

My sexuality is Aroace, Im Genderfluid, Any pronouns are fine, INFP, Aries, Hufflepuff, minor so pls don’t be creepy and weird, I like to read and paint and give ppl gifts, I play the French horn and trumpet( I want to learn the Saxophone, piano, Violin, Drums, Bass, Guitar, etc) I love cats and dogs, I have 3 dogs but no cats😔( my dad is allergic), I want a ferret cause I think they are cute, My fav wild animal is an Otter, I love Frogs, I like memes and gay stuff and band and theatre, IM OBSESSED WITH DUCKS( I HAVE A COLLECTION OF RUBBER DUCKS AND I WANT TO HAVE ATLEAST 1000 BY THE TIME THAT I DIE) ill prolly add more as I remember

Music that I like- Taylor Swift, Conan Gray, Olivia Rodrigo, Chloe Ament, Cavetown, Girl in Red, Mistki, Laufey, Lady Gaga, Orla Gartland, mxmtoon, Baby Queen, beabadoobee, Wolf Alice, Billie Eilish, Sabrina Carpenter, Hozier, Benson Boone, Djo, Chapell Roan, Tate McRae, Arctic Monkeys, Gracie Abrams, Lana del Rey, Melanie Martinez, etc

Books that I like- HEARTSTOPPER(Osemanverse), Hunger games, PJO(the entire universe of PJO), Harry Potter, Divergent, The Cruel Prince, A good girls guide to murder, The inheritance games, The Babysitters Club, Shatter Me, Six of Crows/ Shadow and Bone, The inheritance cycle, Acotar, Fablehaven/Dragonwatch, Better than the movies, prolly others I just can’t remember

Movies that I like- Hunger Games, Love Simon, Nimona, Inside out, Tangled, Crush, Harry Potter, Luca, 10 Things I hate about you, Clueless, Big hero 6, Barbie, Enola Holmes, Encanto, Coco, Little Woman, Marvel, Maze Runner, Megamind, Shrek, Ik there are others but my memory is rlly bad rn so I’ll just add them when I remember them

TV Shows that I like- HEARTSTOPPER, The Owl house(TOH), She-ra, Heartbreak High, Bridgerton, Friends, Survivor, The Good Place, Big bang Theory, How I met your Mother, Home Economics, The Vampire Diaries, Abbott Elementary, Anne with an E, Arcane, Bojack Horseman, Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World, Brooklyn 99, Carmen Sandiago, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Miraculous Ladybug, Criminal minds, Stranger things, Gilmore Girls, Julie and the Phantoms, Love Victor, Ik there is more but yk bad memory

Ppl that I Kin big time- Luz noceda, Tori spring, Charlie spring, Robin Buckley, Hunter from TOH, The collector from TOH, Will Byers, Nick Nelson, Rain whispers from TOH, Entrapta from she-ra

Ik there’s more to say but I honestly can’t remember) I guess just look at what I post and repost🤷‍♀️

You guys seem like awesome ppl😊

So guess all that’s left to say is Hi!

Edit- My Pinterest username is rAiNbOw_MaFiA (I don’t post much on there, but I have a LOT of boards and pins saved)

[marshvlovestv]

In honor of me having so much video game music downloaded on my phone that I ran out of storage and had to buy a new phone. My favorite track from each video game OST I have!

Bastion: Brusher Patrol (Such a bizarre clash of styles, I can't help but love this one. Shout-out to the part that sounds like Darren quietly scatting in the background.) (Also special shout-out to Build That Wall, probably my favorite vocal track in any Supergiant game)

Celeste: Scattered and Lost (I am such a normie for this choice but face it this track absolutely slaps.)

Chicory: A Colorful Tale: Song of the Wielders (I love how this song has actual lyrics but I still prefer to sing along with the Simlish version that Pizza and Chicory sing.)

The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood: Illusion (First of all I love how every character in this game has their own theme I go feral for that kind of thing. Kurielle is probably one of the characters who stood out to me the least but by god is her theme gorgeous. I love the vocals and how a later track includes a sneaky reprise.)

Cuphead: Dramatic Fanatic (Tap dancing :D)

There are literally thirty of these so I'm doing a read more

Death's Door: The Grey Crow (A heartbreaking boss fight scored with the appropriate amount of anguish)

Deltarune: Cyber Battle (This melody is so underrated and ya know what, so are the characters associated with it. Sweet Cap'n Cakes forever.)

Elsinore: Donne, The Boat Boy (I love this song because it's associated with Lady Guildenstern, aka the best character in gaming full stop, but it's also just a fun little sea shanty that I think they made up for this game so I love that. Also has a lyrical version.)

Evergate: Police (Okay so the level with the police drones is one of the more frustrating ones in the game but the music is hauntingly beautiful so I give it a pass)

Going Under: trust fall (Marv is easily one of the most hateable video game antagonists of all time but damn if his boss theme doesn't slap)

Hades: Last Words (The rolling and the tolling of the bells bells bells bells bells)

Harmony: The Fall of Reverie: Reverie Ascendant (Lena Raine does these medley tracks so good man)

Hollow Knight: Dung Defender (By far the catchiest song about poop on my entire phone)

Ikenfell: Rose Thorns (So the insanely long final boss fight against Oxley overshadowed Aeldra's boss fight in my memory for a long time, but when I watched another playthrough and bought the OST I realized "Oh her theme bops SO much harder than his ever could")

Inscryption: A Final Duel (A hardcore remix of The Scrybe of Magicks, aka one of the only melodic tracks on the album and therefore the one every YouTube video about Inscryption uses in the background. I prefer the epic version just a bit more because honestly that Magnificus setpiece is the best moment in the game)

Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass: Fun, Sunny Day (A fun and silly track as the title suggests, elevated even more by the context in which it plays in the game. The area music alternates between this and the more somber Rainy Sunday to illustrate that Jimmy mother is bipolar [very cute and silly game])

Omori: Bready Steady Go (Like the absolute dipshit I am I actually completely missed the optional Orange Oasis when I played this game myself. Every Let's Player finds it somehow, though, and when they fight the Unbread Twins I invariably stand up and dance along to the boss music.)

One Step from Eden: Perpetual Motion (It's just a good-ass track y'all)

Ori and the Blind Forest: Conundrum (In a soundtrack of sweeping orchestral pieces, this more subdued version of theme that only plays during one small puzzle section might seem a weird choice. But I've always really liked it)

Ori and the Will of the Wisps: Kwolok's Malaise (Kwolok's leitmotif is perfect for a giant frog and the boss remix takes it to it's logical conclusion)

Paradise Killer: Go! Go! Style (This track makes me feel like I'm having a sugar rush. The whole OST does actually but this one especially)

Pyre: Path to Glory (It's just got a really unique vibe to it. I like it)

Scarlet Hollow: Avery (Chill and really beautiful. Avery themself is kind of a sleeper character at this point but I can't wait for Brandon to remix their theme when they get assimilated into a giant plant monster)

Slay the Princess: The Princess (Okay full disclosure I've only played this game once so I don't have the full context for a lot of the tracks on this OST. Maybe hearing them alongside their respective princesses will make me like them more, but for now the title theme is too iconic to beat.)

Sounds of Sympathy (the OST for the game anthology Essays on Empathy): Zen and the Art of Transhumanism (In the Essays on Empathy documentary, fingerspit talked about how she prefers writing obscenely long tracks so the loop doesn't get annoying. Unfortunately for her my favorite track on this album is only three minutes long. It's a lovely little bop.)

Spiritfarer: Mind Palace (I played Spiritfarer before any of the character updates were released, so I didn't get Daria's mind palace sequences in my game. And I mean, they look very platforming-heavy so I'm okay with that, but god this is a gorgeous piece.)

Transistor: Impossible (I think this is Royce Bracket's boss theme? I don't know when any of the tracks on this OST specifically play in game. Regardless of all that this one gets me pumped.)

Unavowed: One Man's Power (I couldn't find a video of this one, but it's gentle saxophone solo that plays when Logan Brown is introduced. I think it fits is character really well and just sounds really nice)

Undertale: Death by Glamour (Best song for best character, enough said)

Wandersong: Moonscape (God knows this game gave me a lot of great options to pick from, but I settled on this one because it's so uplifting.)