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gemwing1988 · 4 months ago

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A/N: A little something to cheer up my pal, @akluthor1998 after she mentioned she had a hard day. Hope you like it, Lex.

King Dice and The Cuphead Show are property of StudioMDHR and Netflix while Sonic the Hedgehog is under ownership of Sega and Jack and Ace are created and owned by Lexie herself.

After another humiliating beatdown by the Dreamstones in a tried and failed attempt to have Lexie to himself, King Dice finds himself dragged into a camping trip in the Inkwell Woods by his minions, Jack and Ace in their intention to make him feel better.

So far, it wasn’t as relaxing for him when they tried to roughen it up as Dice had shown to be terrible at pitching a tent, neglected to pack a can opener, ect. Jack and Ace decided to sing a catchy campfire song that suddenly goes cartoonishly fast from there.

Once he and Jack were finished, Ace asked Dice, “Now wasn’t that relaxing?”

“No!” Dice snapped in annoyance before he picked up a clarinet he was recently learning to play a few days ago. “THIS is relaxing.”

He begins to play “Kambaya” very badly on the clarinet. He might be good on a few instruments like the trumpet, but ironically, he can’t play the clarinet even if his very life depends on it.

And judging from the horrified reaction of Jack and Ace, it would seem it does.

“Aw crud!” Jack gasped.

“Oh no!” Ace cried, horrified.

Frantically, the knight chess piece grabs a marshmallow from the bowl as well as a slingshot. He placed the marshmallow into the slingshot and is prepared to fire.

“I’ll save you, Boss!”

Ace shot the marshmallow at Dice through the clarinet as it went down his throat, stopping him playing (thank the Lord, my ears were aching) and fall backwards onto his back with a thump.

“Mr. King Dice, sir, are you alright?” Ace asked in concern as he slightly sat Dice up and gently assisted him eat the marshmallow. “That’s it, chew, chew and swallow.”

After swallowing the marshmallow, Dice gasped for air and groaned.

“There, better?” Ace inquired like a gentle parent after tending their child scraping their knee.

“‘Better’?! I was just fine UNTIL you lodged that ballistic junk food INTO MY WINDPIPE, YOU MORON!” Dice snapped angrily.

“But I had to!” Ace insisted, worried. “It’s dangerous to badly play the ‘Kumbaya’ song on the clarinet out in the wilderness! It might attract…”

Ace pauses for a second, cautiously looking around before he nervously whispers to Dice:

“A Werehog.”

Dice gets up as he repeats in a nervous tone, “A Werehog? You like the ones that…”

He then suddenly threw his arms up as he angrily claimed, “DON’T exist?!”

“Whaddya saying, Boss?” Jack asked.

“There are no such things as “Werehogs”, you dolt!” Dice snapped. “They’re just a myth!”

“But Boss, werehogs ARE real!” Ace protested in concern. “It says so in the Ink Blotter’s Fake Science Monthly.”

For emphasis, Ace holds up an issue of the Ink Blotter with a cheesy tabloid photograph of a realistic hedgehog and a sparkly unicorn as Dice reads it aloud:

“‘Werehogs and Fairy Tales are Real’?”

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard!” Dice claimed in annoyed disbelief.

“Well, maybe it is stupid, but it is also stupidly serious.” Jack stated, sternly serious.

“For once Jack is right, Boss. Werehogs are NO laughing matter.” Ace added. “One time, we met this guy who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy’s cousin…”

Getting annoyed, Dice decided to put an end this nonsense.

“You’re right!” He cried, feigning fear and concern. “I really should be more careful. In fact, why don’t you guys tell me all the things I should or shouldn’t do if I’m to keep any Werehogs away.”

“No problem, sir.” Ace replied. “First, don’t badly play the clarinet.”

Dice makes an annoyed face that says, “Rub it in why don’t ya?”.

“Second, don’t wave a flashlight back and forth.” Ace instructed.

“Flashlights are their natural prey.” Jack added.

“You’re kidding.” Dice muttered in disbelief.

“Don’t stomp around. They’ll take that as a challenge.” Ace cautioned.

Jack nodded. “Yeah.”

Dice takes out a pencil and notepad, writing things down. “Okay, go on, then what?”

“Don’t ever eat cheese.” Jack stated.

“Sliced or cubed?” Dice inquired.

Jack and Ace took a moment to make a whispered discussion before they turned back to Dice as Ace answered, “Cubed. Sliced is safe.”

Dice quickly wrote everything down so far as he pressed, “Go on, go on.”

“Okay, never wear a sombrero…” Ace cautioned.

“…in a goofy fashion!” Jack finished.

“Also, don’t wear any clown shoes. Most especially the red ones.” Ace warned.

“Or a hoop skirt. Pink ones no less.” Jack chimed in, worried.

As they listed down everything not to anger a Werehog, Jack and Ace grew extremely nervous and terrified.

“And never…” Ace spoke nervously.

“Ever…” Jack groaned.

“Ever…” Ace whimpered.

“Gah!” Jack yelped.

Throwing their arms up and frantically waving them over their heads, the duo cried in unison: “Screech like a chimpanzee!”

“Wow, it’s amazing how many dumb stuff can set a Werehog off.” Dice commented.

“I know, right?!” Jack piped up.

“They’re horrible! Utterly horrible!” Ace whimpered as he and Jack embraced each other, trembling in terror.

Dice started to look scared himself as he spoke, “Now you mentioned it, I have this sudden feeling that we’re gonna be in danger.”

“Why Boss?” Both Jack and Ace asked.

“I don’t know…” Dice answered nervously.

Suddenly, the Devil’s number rushes off screen for a split second and returned, wearing a sombrero, red clown shoes and a pink hoop skirt. He also had a platter of cheese cubes in one hand and a flashlight in the other. He also had sleazy and devious smirk on his face.

“Just a feeling.” Dice sneered.

Realizing their boss hadn’t taken them seriously from the start and decided to mess with them, Jack and Ace watched on in horror at what Dice is about to do.

“No…” Ace moaned.

“Yeeees.” Dice said smugly in the same tone much like in ‘Roll the Dice’, intending do what would attract a Werehog.

“B-Boss, NO!” Jack begged.

Mischievously, Dice started to hoot like a chimpanzee, much to his goons’ horror.

“K.D.! PLEASE DON’T!” Jack and Ace pleaded in terrified unison.

But Dice deliberately ignored their plea and started to shriek like a chimpanzee while stopping around like a moron, waving the flashlight back and forth and managing day a couple of cheese cubes.

Let me tell you, he’s even more ridiculous than usual.

“What’re we gonna do?!” Jack exclaimed in horror. “A Werehog is sure to come ‘round and eat us for sure!”

“No worries! I, the Mighty Ace, came prepared!” Ace spoke, grabbing a stick and drawing a circle in the dirt around Jack himself. “When in doubt, draw an anti-Werehog circle in the dirt!”

“Good thinking, bro!” Jack praised before held up another article of a toon standing in a dirt circle similar to the Ace made next to a photograph of large realistic hedgehog. “It is the best way to fend off against a Werehog attack.”

The two the, hugged each other and sat down, huddled up in the circle, scared as soon as Diced stopped making a bigger idiot of himself, laughing.

“Can’t believe you two chumps are so gullible to believe a bunch of baloney!” Dice taunted. “Ya see; I did everything that annoys this so-called Werehog and nothing happened. If Werehogs are real after all, then why didn’t one show up? Tell me that.”

“Maybe one didn’t show ‘cause you’re you’d not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion like we warned you.” Jack suggested.

Dice scoffed. “Really? How stupid of me. You mean like this?”

Dice tilts the sombrero to one side and started laughing. Just then, a huge, furry blue clawed hand reaches out, picks up the sombrero and turns it upside down, setting it back down onto Dice’s head.

And the owner of that arm that corrected Dice’s mistake? None other Sonic the Werehog, who looked super annoyed.

“Uhhh, no Boss. More like that.” Ace corrected nervously.

Dice stopped laughing and suddenly looked shocked and terrified to notice Sonic glaring at him, growling like a wolf.

Realizing werehogs are real after all, Dice screamed like a little girl and ran away. Sonic roars and chases after Dice offscreen.

Dice screams some more as Sonic started to beat him up offscreen while Jack and Ace were still huddled in their anti-Werehog circle, cringing. After a few more seconds of maiming Dice, Sonic stops and lumbers past Jack and Ace, ignoring them due to their circle.

The moment Sonic left, Ace called over to Dice, “Boss, are you okay?”

We now see a bruised and battered Dice sprawled on the ground, his suit slightly ripped and his jacket bearing claw marks due to Sonic’s claws ripping at it.

“No…” Dice moaned in reply.

Jack and Ace walked towards their boss, carrying their circle and dropped back onto the ground a yard away from Dice.

That’s cartoon logic for you.

“Hurry, sir! Get into our anti-Werehog circle before he comes back!” Ace said urgently.

“Yeah! And we’re not kidding!” Jack piped up. “It’s mentioned that Werehogs often attack more than once!”

“Are you kidding me?!” Dice yelled as he jumped up onto his feet. “There’s no way drawing a dirt circle’s gonna stop that freak! I’m outta here!”

Much to Ace and Jack’s horror, Dice turned tail and frantically ran for his life in the same direction he went earlier.

“BOSS, NO!!” Both chess pieces screamed.

But it was too late.

The moment Dice booked it, Sonic came rushing back, arms raised menacingly and roaring.

And before you know it, Dice screams in pain and panic as Sonic beats the crud out of him again offscreen while Jack and Ace flinched some more.

After beating up the former game show host, Sonic casually walks past Jack and Ace, indifferently ignorant of their presence due to them still huddled in their circle.

“Don’t run! Werehogs hate that!” Ace called out. “And since he’s still Sonic the Hedgehog but lost his supersonic speed in that form, he would definitely hate being outrun!”

We cut over to Dice, who looked even more battered and bruised, his suit teared up even more. He even lost a shoe in the beatdown.

“Thanks for the tip.” Dice moaned, standing up and started to limp. “I’ll just limp home then…”

“NO!!!” Jack and Ace protested in terror before Sonic rushed back in and beat up Dice again.

After that, Sonic once again walked away, ignoring Jack and Ace.

“They hate limping more than crawling!” Ace shouted.

Dice groaned offscreen.

“Okay, then I’ll just…”

Before Dice could finish, Sonic once again ran over to him and beat him up offscreen before leaving.

“Guess we should have warned ya about crawling!” Jack called out.

Suddenly, Sonic rushed in and beat up Dice for some unexplained reason. After a while, Sonic stops and leaves once again.

“Oh come on! What did I do that time?!” Dice whined.

“I dunno! I guess he just doesn’t like you!” Ace called back.

“Pretend to be somebody else!” Jack suggested.

Ace quickly pulled out the same stick he used earlier and tossed it to Dice. “Quick! Draw a circle of your own!”

“Okay, okay!” Dice responded, doing just that offscreen.

But then Sonic came back and proceeds to beat up Dice again regardless before leaving.

The reason for that?

“That was actually an oval! It has to be a circle!” Ace pointed out.

Having enough, Dice rushed over and leapt into the circle, sitting atop of his goons. “Move over!”

Sonic soon returned and came towards Dice, only to stop when he sensed something.

“Huh?” The Werehog grunted before he peered down to notice circle.

Sonic growled at the circle before he glared at Dice, pointing a claw at him in warning as if to say, “You got lucky, punk!” and decided to leave for good.

“Hey! It worked!” Dice exclaimed in relief. “You guys saved my life!”

He, Jack and Ace celebrated that the danger finally passed and they can go about the rest of their night.

“It’s a good thing it was just a Werehog.” Ace commented. “This circle wouldn’t be able to repel a giant owl.”

After that whole ordeal with Sonic the Werehog, Dice’s relief turned into concern as he nervously asked, “What attracts them?”

“The sound of a Werehog attack.” Jack replied.

A giant bird-shaped shadow suddenly loomed over the three and Dice looked to see Kuro, a giant black and dark blue owl with glowing blueish-white eyes, towering over them, glaring at Dice.

“Good thing we’re all wearing our anti-giant owl undergarments, right Boss?” Ace stated, not all worried.

All Dice could answer was a meek, “Huh?”

It was one of those moments he would rather deal with getting beaten up and humiliated by those cup kids, Lexie and her friends or facing the Devil’s wrath after failing him once again at this point.

#Crossover #The Cuphead Show #King Dice #Cuphead fanfiction #Sonic the Hedgehog #Funny #OC #Friend’s OC’s #A gift for a friend #Something I did for fun

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