#Frank Todhunter
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raidermomma · 3 months ago
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Things that get better with age
1) Cheese
2) Wine
3) The cast of Red Dwarf
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odo-apologist · 1 month ago
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I think Kochanski and McGruder and Todhunter and McIntyre should be friends and hang out together. Just in general I think it'd be a fun concept but also due in no small part to the image of Kochanski post-breakup and McGruder post-one night stand commiserating over their experiences concerning two men who happen to be roommates while Todhunter listens on and thinks about the separate occasions Lister and Rimmer attempted to proposition him while completely smashed and McIntyre tries to delicately broach if any of them could lend him 20 pounds
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nutoka · 5 months ago
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I remember someone posting something about if Rimmer was the one in stasis and alive then his hologram won’t be Lister. Because Lister only was in Red Dwarf for about 6 months before the radiation leak and Rimmer had been working there for 15 years.
So I pictured this scenario that the hologram would be Todhunter. Mostly because Rimmer would report to him the most with complaints about colleagues. So from that, their word count exchange would be a lot. Can’t be many others to be his hologram beside from Lister. Unless we count Captain Hollister but I prefer my idea with Rimmer being stuck with Todhunter better.
I imagine the reason why Rimmer was in stasis was because the accident just so happened at the same time he went in the stasis booth. Since that’s what he did in his spare time. Or he got sentenced to stasis for keeping a pet lemming (that’s a conversation for another time).
The dynamic would be different because we have this cowardly human and his intangible superior who is probably sick of caring for that mess of a man. But does so anyway because either Todhunter doesn’t want to be turned off or Rimmer doesn’t want to turn him off or Todhunter is not that cruel enough leave Rimmer alone as the last human alive. Rimmer is a smeghead but he’s a lonely smeghead. Also Rimmer would have to listen and obey Todhunter’s orders because the military mind will still stick even after the Space Corps is gone.
One difference with the dynamic would be that Hologram Todhunter would ask Rimmer for help since he can’t touch things instead of using the skutters. Hologram Rimmer in the show, is too proud to ask for help I think and tries to rehabilitate himself like trying to cook or painting the walls with the skutters. Also cus I think Lister would just point blank refuse him anyway. Whereas Rimmer can’t refuse superior’s commands so he would have to begrudgingly help Todhunter.
Over time, they would probably go into this routine of Rimmer being Todhunter’s hands so they would inevitably become closer that way. Whilst Todhunter forcing Rimmer to gradually become less cowardly in dangerous situations by being his guide.
There are so many possibilities to go with this particular universe. I could go on for hours and hours about this alternate dimension but that would be a bit boring after a while. Anyway I quite like this little ‘What If’ scenario very much.
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bisexualmultifandommess · 2 years ago
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I said yesterday that I was going to make queer headcanon posts for my favourite characters almost every day for pride month so:
Today’s character is Dave Lister from Red Dwarf!
Lister:
Lister didn’t really label himself as anything when he was very young as he didn’t really know the terms as he was surrounded at first by a few people who weren’t very lgbt friendly until he got a bit older and started getting into music and meeting people who felt more like him. All he knew was that he really liked girls and as he got older he started realising his feelings for guys too.
Lister came out as bisexual at first to his gran who was accepting to him. She was known to be very protective of him if anyone said anything against him.
The first boy he had a crush on was a another guy who was in his school. He was quite tall but well built and was shown to sometimes be a little smug at times due to being quite attractive and intelligent. Lister mainly liked him due to his looks but also thought when he wasn’t acting like a dick he was almost nice to talk to.
Lister isn’t the type to bring up his sexuality to people and kind of just lets people find out. Whenever someone finds out he pretends to be confused and act like he told them.
His friend group on Red Dwarf were a little confused when they found out because he always talked about Kochanski. Peterson was the most confused so Lister had to explain what bisexuality meant. Since his friends weren’t the brightest they didn’t really understand at first and made a few jokes but due to ignorance rather than any malice but eventually stopped once Lister makes it clear that some jokes make him a little uncomfortable. Despite not being the most educated on it they are accepting of him which despite putting on a facade of not caring really relieved Lister.
Lister had a massive crush on Kochanski for ages but at the same time for the first week or so had a small crush on Frank. He thought Frank’s looks and confidence was really attractive but didn’t really act on anything because he was higher up than him and he liked Kochanski. He still sometimes flirted with Todhunter lightly which Frank even returned at times though it was just a little fun.
When he first met Rimmer and was assigned to bunk with him on Red Dwarf he thought he was attractive too. He had a similar look to Todhunter so Lister started assuming he had a type since the boy he liked during school was similar too. He liked his curly hair and liked his height since he kind of likes height differences in his relationships whether it’s him being the taller one or his partner. It was only when Rimmer actually started talking that Lister was a little put off and their animosity started.
Despite not really getting along Lister still found Rimmer attractive which annoyed him. Sometimes when Rimmer wasn’t being a complete smeg head and wasn’t bossing him around he was almost nice. Lister was quite surprised with himself when he found himself catching feelings for Rimmer because he was just the complete opposite of himself and even though he was kind of his type he didn’t have the usual confidence that his other crushes have had. He also knew that Rimmer didn’t seem to like him that much either (spoiler alert: he did he just didn’t realise).
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janamelie · 2 months ago
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New Red Dwarf Challenge
Day 5: Favourite One-Off Character
To the surprise of probably nobody if they read my fics, it’s Frank Todhunter.  I know it may seem odd to some, but there are multiple reasons for it.  Firstly, we actually see a reasonable amount of the character in “The End”, especially considering he never appears again.  He has - I’m estimating at least - more speaking time than Kochanski, McIntyre and Petersen, two of whom do reappear in later episodes.
His first scene establishes that he’s a senior officer, weary of the constant clashes between Lister and Rimmer and trying to get them to be less childish - oh, but wait.  “Oh Rimmer!  You are a smeghead.”  Followed by a mischievous grin and a quick exit.  That’s what made me sit up and take notice of this initially stiff-seeming officer.  He’s obviously not as stuffy as he seems.
We get more hints of this with his shrug at Rimmer’s faint in his exam.  It’s very obviously not the first time Rimmer’s done this and we do see Rimmer later being taken to the medibay, so Todhunter obviously called the medics.  He just allowed himself a shrug first.  “Not again!”
The last time we see him he’s taking Lister to stasis (having apparently allowed him to stop off at his bunkroom and get changed into holiday clothes first).  He calls him “Dave” on a ship with a clearly established last name culture, pats him on the back and tries to get him to change his mind because “nobody wants to go through with this”.
Pardon?  Hollister clearly does.  Why is this posh, upstanding officer so concerned about the lowest-ranked crewmember on the ship going into stasis?  Yes, maybe he’s just that nice.  But it’s more interesting to me if there’s more to it than that.
Also the way he’s eager to explain the stasis field to Lister and goes into a long and incomprehensible speech about it is geekily adorable, I won’t lie.
Even though we never see him again, Rimmer is canonically jealous of him, bringing him up in both “Me2” and “Thanks For The Memory” without any prompting from Lister (and posing as him when he visits a brothel in “Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers”).  As a fic writer, it’s rich material for pre-accident and AU fics to have this successful and - to all appearances - nice character as a counterpoint to Rimmer.  What can I say?  I enjoy jealousy in fics.
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ssphiree · 29 days ago
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HIS NAMES FRANK???? FRANK TODHUNTER???????? I THOUGHT IT WAS TODD HUNTER THIS WHOLE FUCKIGN TIME ARE U KIDDING ME
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miniherodesktales · 4 months ago
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Day 6: Stranded
The Dwarf was always busy and never at rest. Shift work was scheduled around the clock - the miners, the cleaners, the chefs, the scutters, the engineers, the payroll people, the cinema attendants, the pilots, the security teams, the bar workers, the toilet cleaners, the librarians, the scientists and their singing lab mice....it was endless, restless, noisy, dirty, overwhelming, and it never stopped, not even for a second.
Rimmer, burnt out and sleep deprived and strung out on caffeine and failure and who knows what else, stood pressed against the wall of the crowded corridor ready to scream. He had his fingers pressed against his ears and his face screwed up, but no one noticed. Every person who brushed against him, who bumped against his legs, brought him a little closer to actually screaming.
Maybe he should scream. Maybe someone then would help him.
'You OK, Rimmer? Arnold?'
A heavy hand fell onto his shoulder, making the material of his shirt rustle. Rimmer winced.
'I'm having a migraine,' he hissed.
Todhunter smiled sympathetically and Rimmer's inside twisted with envy. Frank Todhunter - always capable, always kind, always in charge. He made Rimmer want to throw up, even when he wasn't in pain.
'Really? Well here's not a good place for a migraine,' said Todhunter. 'C'mon, let's get you to the medibay. Keep your eyes closed.' His hand moved to Rimmer's back and he began gently steering him towards the turbo lift.
Much to Rimmer's annoyance it was Todhunter who later volunteered to wheel him back to his bunk room.
'Is Rimmer alright?' he heard Lister ask as Todhunter carefully placed his blanket over his shivering body. He would have retorted back himself but he was too dosed up on pain and sleeping medication to manage it.
'Bad migraine,' Todhunter murmured. 'Do him a favour, Lister, have an early night yourself. Keep the lights dim and the noise to a minimum. He's wearing a medibraclet that'll keep him out over night, but let's skip the guitar practise, OK?'
'OK, OK,' he heard Lister groan. 'I can be quiet.'
Todhunter patted his shoulder one last time.
'You're on sick leave tomorrow, Arnold,' he whispered. 'Holly has already muted your alarm. I'll be back to check on you tomorrow, make sure you're not skiving.' He sensed Todhunter moving away again and whispering, 'Lister, come for a drink before bedtime?'
There's was a soft thump as Lister dropped - quietly - to the floor. 'Thanks, man, appreciate it.'
Rimmer wanted to throw up.
Note: I wasn't intending to ship Rimmer and Todhunter...but I enjoyed playing with the idea. Maybe I'll write more 😅I like to think of Todhunter as being like the school's favourite prefect or Head Boy. He gets on easily with anybody and that makes Rimmer jealous.
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yaminerua · 1 year ago
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Had to rush this one to get it out after a busy day today kept me from being able to get started on it sooner.
Day 3's prompt was Attack and I had a little fun with it;;;
As always the Smegtober prompt list is by @a-literal-toaster-wtf
Every now and then there's gotta be something that breaks the monotony of life on Red Dwarf.
Words: 3928
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Life on board Red Dwarf was pretty uneventful these days. The ship was quiet and dead, devoid of the hustle and bustle that used to permeate every last corridor. Gone were the days of sucking up to superiors in the hope of advancing up the ziggurat. There were no superiors anymore – no Frank Todhunter to submit endless complaint reports to about Lister, no Captain Hollister to salute elaborately in front of in the hopes that sheer enthusiasm and dedication would be enough to secure a promotion. There was just about no-one at all, save of course, infuriatingly, for one David Lister, Third Technician – the last living human being, presumably in the entire universe. What a joke that was.
With only Lister as the single lazy, disobedient subordinate beneath him on a ladder that now only had two rungs left, and the only other life form on board being a bizarre humanoid Cat person who kept largely to himself and could hardly be counted on to give a smeg about anything beyond his own personal appearance, the ship was practically being left to run itself. 
Sure, Rimmer tried to maintain some sense of discipline and order but with no-one around who actually respected his authority he was largely stuck ordering the skutters around and making demands of the ship’s increasingly absent-minded computer.
In spite of the futility of it all, he was just happy to have some sense of routine he could stick to, a sense of purpose beyond supposedly being ‘entertainment’ for Lister’s sanity’s sake. He mourned the living, breathing corporeal body he had lost 3 million years ago, of course, and the prospects of advancement and attaining officership that had died with him but at the same time there was a small part of him that was at least a little bit relieved to have an excuse not to have to keep trying to sit exams on subjects he couldn’t understand. You couldn’t fail if you couldn’t pick up the pen to sit the exam in the first place, right?
Being a hologram meant that technically he didn’t really need sleep, certainly not in the natural way a living body would need it, but a routine was a routine and even if he didn’t need it, it was good to be able to switch off for a bit and rest before another day of bossing around whoever would listen dawned. That was what he was doing now, lying as he was on the bottom bunk of the old grey bunk room, listening to the maddening sounds of Lister’s snoring emanating from the bunk above.
If he had had solid legs to kick with he would have given the underside of Lister’s bunk a good hard thump and shouted for him to shut the smeg up but in truth it wouldn’t have achieved much. Lister always started snoring again anyway.
He groaned, wishing fervently that he could even bury his head with a pillow to muffle the noise but that again would have required a body that could interact with its surroundings. Arnold Rimmer didn’t have that luxury anymore.
He tried to distract himself with something – anything – to try to help him drift off to sleep and had just about found a method that was beginning to actually work when the little screen on the wall above the washbasin suddenly lit up and the perpetually impassive face of the ship’s computer flickered into view.
“Emergency. There’s an emergency going on,” Holly announced flatly, as though it was the most boring, unimportant news ever, and then waited a beat. “It’s still going on.”
Rimmer’s eyes snapped open and he jerked immediately upright so violently his head momentarily phased disturbingly through the underside of the bunk above. Correcting his position, he swiftly swung his legs round off the bed and turned to stare bewildered and alarmed up at the screen.
“What!?” he cried, already feeling the creeping claws of panic begin to close in around his chest. “What is it? What’s going on?”
Holly regarded him with the same misplaced bored disinterest with which he approached most things.
“It’s an emergency, Arnold,” he said.
“Yes I know that you gimboid!” Rimmer snapped, not at all in the mood for Holly’s impassive, deadpan lack of urgency. “What kind of emergency?”
If Holly had been offended by the insult, he made no attempt to show it.
“A rogue ship has appeared,” he explained simply. “Probably want to loot us for everything we’ve got. They’ve fired a few test shots at us already.”
“Fired a few shots!?” Rimmer echoed, horrified, leaping fully to his feet. “We’re under attack!?”
“That’s usually what being shot at implies isn’t it?”
“Smegging hell…” He dragged his fingers through the tight brown curls of his hair and turned frantically to look at the top bunk to see how Lister was taking the news only to find that its occupant was still sleeping soundly, utterly oblivious to the situation. “Lister!” he hissed, and then when that inevitably had no effect, he leaned in closer and shouted. “Lister, wake up you moron! We’re under attack!”
Lister jerked awake suddenly at the noise, almost toppling straight out of the bunk in surprise before he managed to catch himself just in time.  He blinked groggily, confused, and dragged a hand tiredly across his face, peeling one eye open to squint unappreciatively at Rimmer. “Huh? What?” he said intelligently and Rimmer could only roll his eyes in response.
“Some help you are in a crisis…” he muttered, incredulous with exasperation, before leaning forwards to hiss urgently into Lister’s sleep-crumpled face. “Get this through your tiny little brain: We – are – under – attack!”
It took only a moment longer for Rimmer’s words to sink in but when they did, almost instantly Lister snapped to attention, leaping off the top bunk with an athleticism that did not match his physique and fixing Holly with a look of alarm that now perfectly matched Rimmer’s.
“Under attack? Holly ‘s this true?” he asked, grabbing his jacket from where he’d tossed it earlier in the night and pulling it on hurriedly over his bare arms.
Holly nodded solemnly on the screen. “Sure is, Dave, but I’m managing it for now,” he said, a self-satisfied tone of confidence detectable in his voice. “Shields will only hold out for so long though, mind you. Not what they used to be after 3 million years.”
“What are they? More humans?” he asked, curious and hopeful even as he anticipated the more likely response.
“Don’t know,” Holly supplied helpfully. “They didn’t respond to any transmissions I sent out. Maybe not interested in a friendly handshake. Best guess would be rogue droids or something.”
“Or aliens,” Rimmer added, nodding vigorously. “Hostile aliens that’ve come to do weird things to the lot of us.”
Holly regarded him for a moment before nodding along slowly. “Yeah,” he said flatly. “Or that.”
Lister dragged a disbelieving hand across his hair, tangling his fingers in the base of his locs at the back and tugging anxiously. “Smeg…” he breathed helplessly, unsure of his next move. “What can we do? Can we outrun them? Can we fight back?”
Beside him Rimmer clicked his tongue and let out a short, curt, humourless bark of a laugh. “Lister, this is a mining ship not a battle cruiser. How could we possibly hope to fight back? I say we try to lose them somehow. Give them the slip.”
Lister shot him a dubious look and smiled sarcastically. “Oh yeah. Ship the size of a massive city floating through deep space. An easy thing to hide, Rimmer.”
Rimmer’s nostrils flared in indignation and he put one hand on his hip and the gestured expectantly at Lister with the other. “Well do you have any better ideas, dog breath?”
Lister frowned and sucked in his lips, tapping the end of one of his locs against his chin repeatedly. His eyes were darting all around the room rapidly, his mind racing to come up with something but nothing particularly helpful was coming to mind. With no better suggestions forthcoming he conceded that at least for now, Rimmer’s suggestion was better than nothing.
“Can we outspeed them, Hol?”
Holly inclined his head in what was probably intended to be a non-committal shrug. “Well, it’s worth a try, I s’pose. Mind you, I’m not too good with multitasking these days. It’s hard work maintaining the shields and diverting enough power to the thrusters at the same time. Might not cope.”
“Well, it’s all we’ve got so get on with it!” Rimmer snapped, impatient, his entire hologrammatic form feeling like it was about to glitch out from the stress of the situation.
If there was anything that could be done to get this whole mess over with as soon as possible – preferably in a way that did not result in having themselves scattered across the vast expanse of space – he didn’t want to be wasting any more time with useless chit-chat. If the shields really were at risk of imminent failure then time was absolutely of the essence.
Holly didn’t seem to be getting the memo, however. He seemed quite content to sit right where he was and explain in detail the difficulty involved in trying to perform two powerful, energy-draining commands at once whilst also maintaining the rest of Red Dwarf’s vital operational systems, as if there wasn’t currently a major situation taking place that needed dealt with.
“Look,” Lister groaned, aggravated, cutting in before Rimmer could open his mouth to let the inevitable argument ensue. “Let’s just hurry down to the Drive Room and see if there’s anything we can do in there. Maybe we can take some of the strain off Holly by doin’ it manually.”
“You’re a lifesaver, Dave,” Holly said, nodding appreciatively.
“No problem, Hol,” Lister said, waving a hand in acknowledgement as he made his way swiftly out of the room. “Let’s go, Rimmer.”
Rimmer stared stupidly after him, utterly dumbfounded. He didn’t seem to agree with Holly’s assessment of Lister’s capability at all. “What, we’re putting our lives in your hands?” he cried, hurrying after him, gesticulating wildly at the ridiculousness of the situation before pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers and scrunching up his face. “God, we’re doomed.”
Lister sat himself down at one of the control panels and fixed him with a tired, unamused frown.
“Are you gonna stand there complaining or are you gonna do somethin’ to help me out then?”
“What do you expect me to do?” Rimmer cried, holding his arms out and gesturing broadly, pointedly, to himself. “I’m a hologram! I can’t exactly push buttons and flip switches anymore can I?”
“Smeg…” Lister groaned, pressing his fingers into his temple and rubbing irritably. He didn’t have time for Rimmer’s snippy sarcasm right now. There would be plenty of opportunities for him to take offense at Lister forgetting the one little detail of his hologrammatic status later when their lives weren’t at stake. What mattered right now, in the meantime, was actually getting there.
“Right,” he said, defeated, seeing no other alternative option. “Go get the Cat. We need all the hands we can get.”
“The Cat?” Rimmer all but spat derisively, unhelpfully, in response. “What good’s that git going to do? He won’t listen to either of us.”
“He will if he thinks his wardrobe’s about to get blasted to bits.”
Rimmer had to admit he couldn’t argue with that logic. The Cat was a fickle, self-absorbed creature even at the best of times but if he could be relied on for one thing it would be self-preservation (and by extension the preservation of his clothes) and right now, for once, perhaps that would work to their advantage.
“Fine,” Rimmer huffed reluctantly, turning on his heel to hurry off down the corridor. “Anything to get this over with.”
Lister shook his head as he watched him go and then swivelled round on the chair, turning his attention back to the confusing array of screens and buttons before him, each one more incomprehensible than the one before it.
He squinted, perplexed, at one screen in particular before glancing at another and then back to the first again, brows knitting together in a frown. Something was odd.
“Where are they, Hol?” he asked, tapping a few buttons to try to adjust the readouts on one of the screens. “I can’t see anything. Nothin’s showin’ up on the scanners.”
“Well, they’re using a cloaking device of some kind, aren’t they?” Holly replied stolidly and matter-of-factly, as though it was a perfectly obvious answer. “Gone invisible. Don’t worry, though, I’ve got ‘em.”
The furrowed crease in Lister’s brow only deepened further as he continued to frown down at the console, casting his gaze repeatedly across the energy output data displayed on a small screen to his right.
“I don’t see any power readings for shields or anything else on these screens either…”
“Well, you wouldn’t would you? I’m taking care of all that so you don’t have to.”
Lister straightened up a little in his set, little seeds of doubt sprouting in his mind as he recalled something Rimmer had said earlier about Red Dwarf’s combat capabilities (or lack thereof). Something wasn’t adding up here.
“Hang on,” he said slowly, taking one long final sweeping glance at all the screens in front of him, the beginnings of a knowing yet exhausted smile starting to tug upwards on the corners of his lips. “Red Dwarf doesn’t have any shields does it? This is a load of old tot isn’t it, Hol?”
Holly blinked, an affronted frown creasing his face. “You what?”
The grin blossomed further across Lister’s face as he fixed Holly with a simultaneously amused and accusatory look. “This is another joke,” he said, this time with absolute certainty. “You’re playing us for fools again!”
Holly’s usually impassive features crumpled into something that looked positively scandalised. “I resent that accusation, Dave,” he said, offended. “I’m a highly intelligent supercomputer, utterly dedicated to the wellbeing of my crew and the running of the—”
“It’s true though isn’t it?” Lister cut him off, mouth splitting open now in a toothy, gerbil-like grin, the brown of his eyes twinkling in triumph.
He watched, victorious, as a look of defeated realisation flashed across Holly’s eyes and he knew then for sure that he had him read like an open book.
Holly dropped the offended act and his mouth quirked upwards into in impish, conspiratorial smile, how own eyes positively gleaming with mischief.
“I had you there for a minute though, didn’t I?”
“Smegging hell, Holly,” Lister breathed, dropping his head back onto the chair and letting out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a ragged sigh of relief, his whole body growing limp and heavy where he sat, all of that wound up tension and anxiety draining out of him in a sudden rush leaving him feeling thoroughly exhausted. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. What’d you go and do that for?”
“Well it’s a laugh innit?” came the simple deadpan reply.
He laughed in spite of himself, dragging the back of his hand across his forehead and fighting the urge to let himself fully devolve into hysterics. The absurd reality of the situation was sinking in and the ridiculousness of it all was making him feel oddly giddy.
“I’m 3 for 3 now,” Holly went on, sounding very pleased with himself. “An absolute king of japes, I am. No-one can touch me. I am without a doubt the undisputed, undefeated prankster prince.”
Lister simply shook his head and grinned, fully beside himself with disbelief at this point and absolutely not prepared in the slightest for the fallout this was likely to cause.
 “Man, Rimmer’s gonna go absolutely spare when he finds out…”
As if right on cue, the hurried, aggravated tones of one Arnold Rimmer came echoing back down the hallway, accompanied by the unmistakable clacking of heeled boots on metal flooring and before long he rounded the corner looking thoroughly harassed, followed closely behind by the Cat, dressed in a fancy satin dressing gown, the decorative sleep mask he’d been wearing pushed up over his forehead, exaggerating the depth of his unamused frown.
“Alright, Lister,” Rimmer said, straightening up and placing his hands on his hips. “I brought the Cat, now what’s happening?”
“This better be worth it!” the Cat snapped petulantly, reaffixing the belt around middle and shooting Rimmer an unappreciative glare. “I was in the middle of an incredible dream! It had stringy things and pretty cat girls and everything!”
“Will you for once try giving a single solitary smeg about something other than yourself?” Rimmer hissed through gritted teeth and before the Cat could open his mouth to make a response Lister waved the both of them quiet.
“It’s alright, guys, you can calm down. Everythin’s fine.”
Rimmer blinked down at him, bemused. “What?” he asked, looking searchingly round at the surrounding screens as though they might stand a better chance at providing him an explanation. “Why? What’s happened? Did we lose them?”
Lister shook his head. “No.”
“No? Then wh—”
“It was a prank.”
“A pr—” Rimmer started, not comprehending and then he faltered altogether.
There was a beat, then, probably no more than a few seconds in length, during which the weight of Lister’s words slowly sank in to Rimmer’s stunned, utterly stupefied mind but when they finally did the resultant expected eruption was absolutely earth shattering.
“A PRANK!?” he bellowed, eyes bulging and nostrils flaring, the hands at his hips curling into tight, white-knuckled fists and bracing themselves furiously at his sides. “This was all just a prank!?”
“Yeah,” Lister said simply, unaffected by the outburst, inclining his head towards Holly’s display monitor. “Another one of Holly’s classic japes. There is no ship, he just made it up.”
Another beat, and then:
“WHAT!?”
Rimmer looked positively wild with anger, as though he was at risk of popping a vein at any moment. His face had darkened and his jaw was set so tight that any other man might have crushed his own teeth to dust from the pressure his whole body was brimming with.
He whipped his head round to scowl furiously at Holly’s inane, smiling face, his own contorted expression absolutely incandescent with rage. “Is this true?”
“Well, it’s a bit of entertainment, isn’t it? You have to admit things get pretty quiet round here most of the time. Can’t blame me for wanting to have a bit of fun every now and then.”
Rimmer was reaching apoplectic levels of rage by now. He didn’t know what to say. For the last several frantic moments he had been practically vibrating with panic, fearful for his life (or what amounted to one for him these days) and now he was being told it was all just a joke, just another deeply unfunny prank being played on them all by the world’s most deadpan sadist.
“You— You—!” he struggled uselessly to string together enough coherent words to formulate an insult before ultimately giving it up as a bad job. There simply wasn’t an insult specific enough to cover this.
He breathed out roughly, in one long, ragged, forceful breath and then he brought a hand up to massage the bridge of his nose and tried to will the anger to subside before it made him too dizzy to stand. “I really hate you sometimes, Holly…” he said eventually in a small, exhausted, utterly defeated voice. “I really, really do.”
Throughout all of this, as Rimmer progressed rapidly through the several stages of processing this whole mess, the Cat stood to the side shaking his head in disbelief and rolling his eyes.
“You mean to tell me you fools woke me up from my beauty sleep over some silly prank? I thought there was supposed to be an actual emergency! Now I gotta start my sleeping routine all over again! That is the last time I ever take orders from Goalpost-Head over here.”
With that, he turned promptly on his heel and made his way out, leaving Lister alone with a thoroughly despondent Rimmer who had by now sunk down shakily into a nearby chair and dropped his head in his hands.
“I don’t believe this,” he muttered into his palms, voice coming out muffled and muted. “I’m trapped on a floating rust bucket in the middle of deep space surrounded by children… If Hell exists this must be what it’s like…”
Lister regarded him with a raised eyebrow and a lop-sided, commiserative smile for a moment, equal parts sympathetic and exasperated. Sure, Holly’s little joke had given them all quite the scare but it wasn’t like he hadn’t pulled something similar before. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Holly to pull some decidedly unfunny practical joke to keep things interesting every now and again. Regardless of how well it was executed, it certainly staved of the worst of the boredom, of that there was no doubt.
An involuntary yawn ripped its way out of Lister’s mouth and he raised his arms up and arched his back away from the chair, pushing into the stretch. Now that the adrenaline rush from the initial panic had long-since subsided, he was well and truly ready to do nothing more than to clamber back up into his bunk and go back to sleep for a good several hours, and provided no actual emergencies decided to present themselves any time soon that was precisely what he intended to do.
Pushing off tiredly to his feet, he wobbled unsteadily on the spot for a moment before bending down to reach for Rimmer’s shoulder, intending simply to gingerly tap him to get his attention, but when his fingers inevitably passed straight through him instead of connecting with solid matter he jerked his hand back as though he’d been burnt and scowled down at it, inwardly cursing himself once again for forgetting that Rimmer couldn’t be touched.  He was still getting used to that it seemed.
“Hey,” he said, opting instead for the only other available method of getting his attention, his voice dropping to something gentle and encouraging. “Let’s go back to sleep, eh?”
Rimmer lifted his head slowly and scowled miserably up at him, his eyes dark and hard, but Lister could see that there wasn’t any real fight left in him. Inclining his head towards the Drive Room exit, he indicated for Rimmer to follow him. “I dunno about you, but I could do with a lie in,” he said half through a second interrupting yawn.
Rimmer rolled his eyes. “You always have a lie in,” he said flatly, straightening up slightly, the faintest beginnings of a sarcastic smile beginning to pull on his lips. “You don’t know how to do anything else.”
Lister threw an impish grin back at him. “Yeah, but I’m thinking of making this one a marathon lie in. See if I can break me old record.”
Rimmer huffed a laugh in spite of himself, in spite of how utterly drained and exhausted he felt, and Lister felt a small warm swell of triumph bloom in his chest at that little victory.
Getting to his feet and following Lister to the exit and out into the corridor that led back to their shared sleeping quarters, Rimmer quietly, privately, conceded that maybe, just maybe, a lie in after all this sounded pretty good right about now.
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rear-admiral-rimmer · 4 years ago
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Me: in a cafe, writing something on my phone, suddenly smiling widely and mischievously, biting my lower lip sexily
The barista: probably thinks I'm texting my sexy boyfriend
Me: writing the phrase 'licking up to Todhunter' in my fanfic with more amusement and joy than I should have
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thedukeleto · 4 years ago
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deleted my Todster fic a while ago bc i was depressed, but i’ve put it back up :) just a psa i guess (@ everyone who kudos’ed and commented on the original honestly tysm and i’m sorry that stuff is gone now but srsly ♥!)
Fandom: Red Dwarf Pairing: Dave Lister / Frank Todhunter Rating: T Word count: 3K Summary: The JMC mining ship Red Dwarf is docked around Mimas and has just taken on some new recruits. One of them, in particular, has caught the attention of the ship's First Officer.
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dykedave · 5 years ago
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I make content on the internet. 
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nutoka · 5 minutes ago
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If I was good at writing fanfiction I would be believe I would come up with decent AUs to write about. The idea is there but my execution of it would be terrible honestly. (The person writing the Wall-E AU is an absolute genius)
One idea I have in mind is a Corpse Bride AU. A retelling of the story but with Red Dwarf characters basically. This is based on the sole fact that Rimmer is dead. That’s it. The synopsis will be: Lister accidentally marrying Rimmer when he should be marrying Kochanski.
Rimmer may not like the marriage either but one should obey the protocol (that would be his excuse). I think the Lord that replaces Lister in marrying Kochanski and that killed Rimmer should be Todhunter (for the lack of other options). The Cat should be the singing skeleton telling Rimmer’s tale and Kryten should either be the cab driver or Elder Goodnick (the very old skeleton).
I’m not a good writer so I’ll be crap at trying to make this but I just wanted to share just in case cus this fandom is full of wonderful writers.
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damimates · 4 years ago
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I see no difference.
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janamelie · 3 months ago
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Smegtober Prompt 2 - Quarantine
"Missing scenes" from "The End".
Todhunter cast a careful glance towards Lister hovering in the doorway of the drive room before turning back to Hollister.  “Sir, is this really necessary?”
The Captain huffed.  “Of course it’s necessary, Frank.  You know the regulations as well as I do.  An unquarantined cat is loose on this ship and Lister has refused point blank to give it up.  The only reason I’m not sending him to you-know-where is it’s safer to isolate him for the rest of the trip.  God knows what he may have picked up from that animal.”
“And I applaud you for your leniency, sir.”  Todhunter winced at the thought of a harmless young lad like Lister being thrown into the Tank amongst that bunch of thuggish lowlifes.  “Even so, stasis seems like overkill for … being a cat lover.”
Hollister snorted.  “I like cats as much as the next man when they’re not endangering spaceship crews, but something tells me Lister isn’t the only one having an attack of sentimentality here.”
“Sir, I’m not sure I follow?”  Todhunter looked down at his feet, flushing.
“I think you do, Frank, and you need to get over it.  Now take him to stasis.  That’s an order.”
Todhunter saluted reluctantly.  “Sir.”
“D’you mind if I get changed first?”
Todhunter blinked.  “I’m sorry, Lister?”
“I mean, I’m not on shift anymore, am I?  It’s kinda like a holiday.”
“I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”
“Please, sir?  Me bunkroom’s not far.”
Todhunter stood awkwardly by the bunkroom door.  “Make it quick, Lister.”
Lister strode to the grey metal wardrobe and pulled out a cheerfully patterned Hawaiian shirt.  Without further ado, he stripped off his black ship-issue jacket and started to do the same with his shirt.  Hastily turning his back, Todhunter waited until the movements in his peripheral vision stopped before looking round.
“Well, you certainly look very … relaxed.”  Finding his thoughts drifting to sandy beaches, Todhunter mentally shook himself.  The Captain was right, he needed to get a grip.
“It’s me Fiji shirt.  OK, let’s go.”
Todhunter sighed.  Life on Red Dwarf was about to get just a little more monotonous.  He made a mental note to apply for shore leave at their next port of call. 
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acemeaskipper · 5 years ago
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red dwarf x that majors thing
aka I've finished my two assignments so it’s time to be dumb 
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incorrectreddwarfquotes · 4 years ago
Conversation
Todhunter: You’re sleeping with the boss now, Lister. What do you think the staff’s gonna feel about that? You know what people think about Yoko Ono.
Lister: Yes, I do sir.
Todhunter: What about you Rimmer, you know what they think about Paul McCartney.
Rimmer: You mean John Lennon.
Todhunter: No, people liked him.
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