#For some reason I feel like an asshole typing “daddy issues” in response to someone even if they said it themselves

[billygoat26]

YOU like Lucifer bc you have a crush

And I like lucififer bc I have daddy issues

U and I aren't not the sane!

You are right- we are not the same, I specifically am not the sane lmao

Actually I have multiple crushes, both irl people and fictional characters cause I'm just really weird..

If you like Lucifer because you have daddy issues that's fine! Many others do!

[astrobydalia]

Observations with a dash of my experience 🎄

Credit: Tumblr Blog @astrobydalia

🪵 Taurus placements have such a soooooothing presence, they can make you feel at ease and safe and are very warm and welcoming

👨‍👧‍👦 I’ve seen Capricorn placements being closer to their mom than their dad. I’m not sure if it’s daddy issues entirely bc they usually have fathers that are present in their life who they really appreciate and respect, but for some reason they have a very distant relationship with them. I’ve hardly or basically never heard Capricorn placements talk about their dad, but on the other hand they always speak highly of their mom or always talk about her the most

🚬 There’s something about Scorpio men and smoking??? Like they either smoke or they are obsessed with the imagery of people smoking. I’m not kidding you literally all Scorpio men I know have an image of someone smoking as their profile pic on Instagram and some others just straight ass smoke all the time. They somehow look good smoking like it suits them. I mean just look at Albert Camus.

💎 Scorpio women are SURPRISINGLY thoughtful and loving. They carry themselves with such a fierce and empowering vibe, but when they decide you’re a good person they pull the cutest and sweetest gestures without being cheesy.

☄️ I’ve seen this observation a couple of times before but I’m here to confirm that Sagittarius men are total assholes and men with Sagittarius moons are ARROGANT af

💖 I once read an observation that said the house where you have your Venus in indicates the sign that is most attracted to you. I have Venus in my 10th house and all guys who have had a crush on me were in fact Capricorns

❤️ And then I also read that the house where you have your mars indicates the sign you’re most attracted to and I’ve seen this apply a lot as well: People with mars in the 5th dating leos, people with mars in the 8th dating Scorpios etc. This one doesn’t apply to me bc I have mars in the 9th and Sagittarius men are, like I said, assholes lmao. Tho my mars is in Leo and I’ve dated a Leo before

🤡 Gemini placements or Mercury dominant people as well as Sagittarius placements really can’t take things seriously 100% they always make some sort of joke out everything. Or they just end up saying something funny or in a funny way when they were actually trying to be serious. Geminis are just very witty on how they express themselves and Sagittarius has that type of straight forward honestly that is hilarious. So even when they’re being serious they accidentally (or not) make references or jokes that you just can’t help but to at least chuckle.

⚡️ Gemini Suns/Risings can NOT. SIT. STILL. They are the type of people who bounce their leg constantly, are always fidgeting with their hands or a random object or move very erratically in general. When they were younger they were probably the type of kid who never sit properly and always moved around. This restlessness if not expressed physically it can be internalized all in their head, depends on the person (I’ve seen this internalization more in Gemini moons tho)

🪢 Having venus or juno in your 10th house could mean that you heard about your partner before meeting them

✨ People with Libra in the 10th house are usually well-liked by the general public (Princess Diana, Bradley Cooper, Oprah, Brad Pitt)

💥 While people with Scorpio/Pluto in their 10th house or in their ASC tend to have a controversial plublic image or are just simply controversial people. People either “ew” at them or are obsessed with them and public image can be sexualized (Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift, Megan Fox, Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande)

🌪 Capricorns placements are so SO SO hard on themselves, 10000 times more than virgos but the difference is that Virgos spent too much energy on self-criticism while Capricorns directly skip the pity party to improve what in their eyes is not perfect. Seriously Capricorns can be the type of person who shows you something they did and it’s literally perfect and they’re literally like “no this is utter SHIT” or they can be the best at what they do and still just constantly have that “no it’s not good I have to do more” mentality in general. No matter how much you hype them if they see something they’ve done as not good enough, it’s not. They tend to feel more secure and safe when they feel like they’ve overworked something and still be low-key anxious that is not gonna be enough. This obviously won’t apply to all but I’ve see SO many Capricorn placements have an unproportionate sense of responsibility (either too much or too little) and they can have the most confident demeanor and be very admired but be sssSSOOOO self-deprecating when you get to know them.

👩🏽‍💻 Also I’ve seen this “hardworking” stereotype of Capricorn apply more to women than men. Capricorn men (specially when they’re young) are mostly goof-balls and I’ve noticed they have a frigile ego but it doesn’t show that much

🗞 Uranus or Aquarius in an earth house can point to having a job in which you don’t really have a set schedule or where you have a say on whether you wanna/can do stuff or not at work or where you can decide what you wanna do, etc. (aka you have some freedom) for example freelance

🔥 Many famous models have Aries placements they just have that fierce look about them

👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏼 I’ve pointed to this before but your 7th house represents what you attract and also the role you subconsciously take in relationships/connections

🔪 Scorpio placements really do have murderous glares. Specially Scorpio mars, they squint their eyes in a way that is so subtle but still makes you wanna run. You have to see it to really know what I mean

⚰️ Also this is nothing new but Scorpio or 8th house placements really do be obsessed with documentaries or shows about crimes and stuff like that

💋 Libra placements (Rising, Venus and Mercury especially) tend to have nice beautiful lips

💸 Capricorn placements are often called cheap or stingy and you’ll see them justify this claims with some explanation that involves the words “waste” and “quality”

Credit: Tumblr Blog @astrobydalia

[masterthespianduchovny]

I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.

And that’s perfectly fine.

I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?

Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.

Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?

Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.

Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.

There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.

So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.

1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”

No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?

Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.

2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.

I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.

And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?

Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.

Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.

3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!

This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.

He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???

What does he think assistants are there for?

For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.

In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.

Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.

For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.

Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.

Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?

Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?

Would he even listen?

What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.

Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.

But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.

So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.

Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.

[babyybitchhhwrites]

Endeavor x Reader 18+

Title: Temptation 

Rating:  Explicit/R-18+

Words: 2761

Warnings: phone sex, public masturbation, slight daddy kink

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758232

A/N: This is not a new fic. I actually wrote it sometime back in 2017 but I never uploaded it outside of Tumblr. I was only recently able to retrieve it from my previously nuked blog so figured I’d go ahead and post it here. : /

♥♥♥♥

Whether because of his age or due to his stubborn ass personality, Enji was not a big fan of texting. He much preferred to make phone calls or, better yet, speak to someone in person. Try as you might to convince him otherwise, it proved to be a hard habit of his to break. Although you couldn’t really blame him for being so stuck in his ways, not when they’d served him so well over the years, you likewise had your own method of getting things done. Texting was your main source of communication these days and you’d long since accepted that he just wasn’t going to get on board with it anytime soon.

Thats why you were so terribly shocked when your phone buzzed and you glanced down at the screen to see a message from the flame hero himself. This was so unlike him and concern that there was some kind of problem washed over you before you could rationalize it as being something mundane. Fearing the worst, you opened the text only to balk incredulously.

Come to my office.

Surreptitiously glancing up at Best Jeanist, you offered the blonde a reassuring smile when he shot you a questioning look. This was so not the time for Enji to start getting demanding.

I can’t right now. I’m out on patrol with my boss. Maybe later?

You waited expectantly for some kind of response, but it was just dead silence on his end. After about three minutes and your text still unread, you slipped your phone into your pocket with every intention of getting back to work. It went off again not even thirty seconds later and you heaved a tired sigh. Once more fishing out your cellphone, you disinterestedly looked over the new message.

I’ve been thinking about you.

Your eyes bulged before you could catch yourself. Suddenly feeling quite flustered, you quickly glanced around to make sure no one was reading over your shoulder before carefully constructing your reply. No one knew about your relationship with Endeavor and it would have been disastrous if it came out like this. It was a PR nightmare just waiting to happen.

Oh ~? I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it! I’ll be done around 5

This time Enji’s reply came much quicker and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at the thought that he was starting to get the hang of it.

I want you now. Not later.

Too bad he was using his new found texting skills to get you all hot and bothered while you were at work and your boss was standing not even five feet away.

You were halfway through typing a firm but gentle reminder that you were a pro too and you couldn’t just drop everything to come blow him under his desk when you got another message from him. Blinking in surprise, your eyebrows shot up when you realized that he’d sent you a picture. You didn’t even really give it much thought as you clicked on it, and suddenly your screen was filled with … the front of Enji’s hero costume. The crotch to be exact. And boy, was he hard.

Blushing like a school girl, you hurriedly tapped the picture away. Another text was waiting for you.

See what you do to me?

You gasped for air, swinging your head up to find Best Jeanist approaching you. Panic was quick to set in but, thinking fast, you rushed to say that you were going to use the restroom and without even waiting for a answer, you took off in the opposite direction. It was suspicious. It was incredibly suspicious, your behavior. He’d no doubt ask what that had been all about when you returned and you sure hoped he bought whatever petty excuse you managed to come up with before then.

Halfway down the block, there was a fast food restaurant which is where you decided to slip into. You refused to meet any of the employees eyes as you made a bee line for the bathroom where you promptly locked yourself into one of the stalls. Gripping your phone in a white knuckled grip, you jabbed at the screen rather aggressively and brought it up to your ear. Enji answered on the first ring.

“I’m so glad that you’re finally catching up to this century, but you can’t send me stuff like that when I’m at work!” You snapped, almost immediately regretting your choice in words. You were flustered and anxious though, and your panties suddenly felt uncomfortably damp, so you didn’t even try to take it back.

To your surprise, Enji actually had the decency to fall into stunned silence for a brief moment. Then he growled through the receiver and you could practically see his teeth clamping down on that pouty bottom lip of his. “Watch how you speak to me, woman. I wont warn you again.”

That certainly took some of the bite out of your scathing mood. “Look, I’m sorry but …” You tried to reason with him, noticeably calmer. “I’m on patrol with Best Jeanist right now. You can’t ask me to just drop everything like that.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

You choked in disbelief. “W-wha -”

He cut you off with a vehement huff. “Where are you?”

“In a restaurant. In the bathroom.”

“Good.” You caught the sound of rustling on the other end. “I felt like a damn fool taking that picture. This is much better.”

Your gaze darted to the stall door, still locked. “Enji, I can’t -”

“You will.” A tense puff of air filtered through the line, and you were sure he had his straining cock in his hand now. “I’ll even take you out to dinner tonight instead of just breaking you over my desk. Now be a good girl and start playing with yourself.”

Static electricity shot up your spine, making you shudder. A soft moan escaped your parted lips. Enji didn’t miss it, he never did, and he chuckled in satisfaction. The sound alone made goosebumps erupt across your skin and before you realized what you were doing, your free hand had found your breast. It was small and delicate compared to his massive, callous rough palms, but it was so easy to imagine. So easy to dredge up the most recent memory of how it felt when he fondled your tits. Your nipples responded quickly, pebbling against the inside of your bra, just aching for some real attention.

“This is risky …” You murmured, your voice a little lower. Huskier.

Enji snorted. “Maybe for you.”

You flushed red hot at that, swaying on your feet. He was right. You were the only one doing this out in public where anyone could walk in without warning while he was safe in his office. Your breath hitched even as you rushed to unfasten the top of your costume with one hand. It was a struggle, but with jerky motions you finally managed to free yourself and you yanked your bra down under the swell of your chest.

“E-Enjiiii …” You keened into the phone as you pinched your left nipple. Tugged it, gave it a twist. Nothing could compare to his rough ministrations though.

A pleased hum drifted into your ear, followed by a deliberately slow inhale. “Not like that. You know better.”

You screwed your eyes shut and leaned back against the stall door, groaning. “Daddy!”

“Thats it.”

Enji sounded so self satisfied and you could practically envision him reclining into his highbacked leather chair, spreading his legs wide as he languidly stroked his cock with his hand. Maybe he was alternating between showing the head some special attention, slowly rubbing around the slit at the top, or perhaps he was reaching down to give his heavy balls a nice squeeze. God, there were so many possibilities and somehow not knowing exactly what he was doing made your knees go weak.

“I’ve been thinking about that pretty little mouth of yours all day.” He spoke slowly, almost sensually, truly stoking your fire. “I wanted you to come crawl under my desk and suck me off while I work on this mountain of paperwork. Be my little cock warmer.”  

Your vision started to blur. “I want to, daddy. I want your dick in my mouth so bad. I wish it was you touching my nipples right now.”

He groaned, quietly. “Those perfect little tits of yours. Maybe I should have you squeeze them together so I can fuck them instead of your mouth.”

“Why not both?”

He issued a rumbling chuckle. “Smart girl.”

Your nipple was starting to get sore and tender, so you switched over to teasing the other one. “What else do you want to do to me? Please tell me, daddy.”

Enji made a thoughtful sound, as if he were in no rush to hurry this up. He probably wasn’t, in all honesty. “Well, first I want to take you over my knee and give you a nice, hard spanking for talking to me the way you did earlier. You know I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior.”

“And then?” You were quick to prompt him for more. Eager to hear his gruff voice saying filthy, humiliating things directly into your ear. “After you’re done spanking me?”

“Then I think I’ll play with that pretty pink asshole of yours for a while. You know how much I enjoy that.”

Its true. He was rather fond of fingering you after your behind was blistering red and sore. “I like it too …” You whimpered as you tugged on your nipple a little too hard.

“I know you do.” Enji’s voice dropped an octave, taking on a more carnal lilt. More predatory, hungry. “And I’ll force my fingers down your throat when I’m through. Make you clean up your mess. You’re such a messy girl, you know that?”

“Oh, god.” The words forced their way out of your mouth and you abandoned your chest in favor of fumbling with your pants. “I am, I really am, daddy. I’m so sorry.”

He moaned, clearly enjoying the needy desperation in your voice. “Thats what I’m here for. To keep you in check. Are you touching your clit yet?”

Practically tearing your jeans right off, you crumple them around your ankles and drop into a squat right there inside the stall. “Yes, daddy. I’m so wet, god. I wish you were here. I want you to fuck me in this bathroom so bad.”

“Next time. I promise.” His breath catches in his throat and you knew he was stroking himself faster now. “For the time being, I want you to dip those sweet fingers into your cunt and imagine its me stretching you out. Getting you ready to take me.”

“I’m always ready for you.” You practically sob, sending jittery fingertips skirting across your labia. You pause just long enough to smear your arousal, coating yourself with it, before slipping one digit inside your pussy. Its not nearly enough though and you quickly add another. You clench down on yourself tight. “Oh! God … please! I need you. I need you, daddyyyyy.”

Enji scoffs, sounding quite put out even in the heat of the moment. “Stop that whining. If you would’ve just done as I said, I could be fucking you right now.”

You’re so close to wailing in outright distress. “But -”

“No buts!” He barks at you. You were astounded to hear that familiar heat creeping into his voice even in this situation, when he was in the middle of jerking off at his own desk. “You had your chance. These are the consequences. I trust I don’t need to give you a refresher course on what that means?”

“No …” You pout up at the wall, still a little whiny but notably less so.

“Good. Now,” He pauses. Lets the anticipation hang in the air while you continue to thrust your fingers into your body. “I want you to rub your clit. Hard and fast. Do you understand me? I’ll know if you don’t do exactly what I said.”

Sucking in a haggard gulp of air, you pull out of your cunt and focus instead on that tight cluster of nerves with sharp, quick circles. The delicious friction leaves you openly groaning in the public restroom like you’ve forgotten where you are. The threat of being caught seemed like a distant memory though and it was hard to care about reputations or PR when you just felt so achingly good rubbing one out with Enji over the phone. Somehow the thought had never occurred to you before, so the resulting rush was nearly palpable. You could feel it scorching your veins with its intensity.

“Thats it. Such a good girl.” He sounded incredibly hot and heavy all of a sudden. “Who owns that tight cunt? Who does it belong to?”

“You! You do! Its yours, daddy, all yours!”

“I wonder how soaked your panties will be by the time you get to my office.” Enji somehow manages to sound thoughtful, like he’s working out an equation in his head. “Maybe I should tell you not to put them back on when you’re done. That bastard Best Jeansit will probably be able to smell you from a mile way, regardless.”

Trembling under the force of your quickly mounting orgasm, you strain your legs a little further apart. You just couldn’t seem to put enough pressure on your clit, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. “I - I’m close … I’m so close, daddy …”

“Then do it. Come for me, baby.”

You moaned in response, far louder than you should have, and the pace of your hand reached a frenzied speed. Teetering right on the edge, balancing precariously on your heels in a dirty bathroom, you just needed one little nudge.

Its a deep, low grunt from Enji that finally pushes you over the precipice into oblivion. The guttural sound echoes inside your ears for an eternity while you spasm. Throwing your head back with a strangled scream, you slam against the door so hard that the bolt rattles, and you don’t even have the wherewithal to be concerned about someone hearing you anymore. Not while your gushing pussy is on fire, ineffectually contracting around nothing and all you can do is ride it out to completion.

The orgasm is so intense that it leaves you momentarily shaken. Disoriented. Leaning heavily against the door, you almost drop your phone as you slowly stand up on shaky legs. Your pulse is still excited and jumpy but almost immediately you can feel the blissful high of endorphins swarming your body. You feel almost giddy.

“Wow, that was … actually kind of nice. Did you come too?” You ask, sounding out of it and a little loopy. You were sure to be on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

“No.”

The answer is so blunt and to the point that at first you’re not so sure you heard him correctly. “What?”

Enji sighs as more shuffling can be heard in the background and you wonder what he’s doing. “I think I’ll save it for later. That rude mouth of yours needs to be filled up with something, doesn’t it? Be here at five on the dot or don’t bother coming at all. Oh, and don’t put your panties back on. Throw them in the trash for all I care.”

And just like that, the line disconnected.

You stood there, stunned and feeling quite foolish with your pants pooling around your ankles. Twenty six minutes according to the call log. That was an awfully long bathroom break. Jeanist would definitely have some questions for you. But before you worry about that …

Smiling mischievously, you pull up your text log with Enji and open the picture again. The sheer girth of his engorged cock was really straining against the synthetic material of his costume, weighing heavy in the tight confines and leaving a rather mouthwatering outline on display. Overall, it left very little to the imagination and you wished you could make it the background on your phone. Sadly, you knew you couldn’t.

You gave his cock one last, longing look. It must have taken quite a bit of willpower for him to edge himself like that if he was this hard at the start, you mused. This certainly pointed towards an extra fun evening awaiting you when you got off work and your pussy tingled with residual excitement.

You saved the photo anyway, confident that you would still find some use for it.

[lux-i-fer]

What do you think of the trailer? My thoughts are a mess but this is a sum up: Ultimately Lucifer won’t accept Gods powers or Thorne long term because once the novelty wears off he would be trapped by a heavenly kingdom just as he has been trapped by the hellish one, and he wouldn’t want that. Instead Lucifer will give it to someone else. Michael gunning for the God Seat is predictable, like people were calling this from the 5A trailer. They couldn’t have done something different with him?-

- They’ve has a Big Bad in every season, why did they have to keep him Bad this time around? Shake things up a bit. Poor Dan, he looks so terrified for most of the season. the end I think Lucifer was saying that the reason he has not said I love you is because is has been afraid that it would be a lie because: his parents and siblings probably said they loved him and they abandoned and ignored him for thousands of years, so we’rent they lying? Or all those people that said it to him during sex-- Lucifer knew they didn’t really mean it so those people were, technically, lying. And with Eve.. well Lucifer never said those words to her because he would have been lying. I think ultimately Lucifer will be able to say I love you to Chloe because he will know that it is not a lie. Also Eve is back!!! Yay!!! And that celestial armor is very cool.

I doubt Lucifer will accept God’s powers, considering the points you made above. Also, Lucifer is already the ruler of a kingdom and he seems to hate the responsibility. 

I’m sure Michael won’t be entirely one dimensional, although we do have to recall that this isn’t a new season...this is the other half of s5. Michael has only been the Big Bad for half a season, and really he hasn’t done anything particularly “bad” yet. He’s just been a brat. Yeah, he kidnapped Chloe, but for what? To one up Lucifer? I’d actually prefer a darker exploration of Michael’s conceded nature. I hate that personality type, but it often does make for an interesting villain. 

On the topic of Michael, I don’t actually want him and Lucifer to make up or forge a new family bond? I think some bridges are meant to stay burnt and Michael seems like an absolute asshole (as his character stands right now, pre-s5a). I like him as an adversary, not an ally. Perhaps this is my hatred of the “found family” trope resurfacing yet again, but just because they’re family or twins doesn’t mean that they have to automatically make up and be friends. 

Dan really looks like he’s going to be the hero of s5 and honestly I’m here for it! Not the literal “hero” but the metaphorical one. He’s the glue that’s holding this show together tbh.

I actually doubt the line about not saying “those three words” is about “I love you.” I think it’s some slick editing magic to make us think that this “ily” is a big deal when it’s actually not. I know the writers said that whole issue will be resolved early on, so I have my doubts that that line is actually referring to that issue. Chloe is a grown woman. Yes, hearing I love you is validating and Michael did put doubts in her head, but you really think that that little snag is going to keep her from treating Lucifer like her romantic partner? I think it’s going to be like one or two discussions, Lucifer talks about some issues, and then they solve it. None of this “it would be a lie” nonsense. 

And on that note! Lucifer was going to say I love you at the end of s5a. Would that have been a lie too? Unless Chloe is suddenly buddy-buddy with Michael and God do you really think there is going to be an event so disheartening that makes Lucifer rethink his feelings for Chloe?

So there’s my take on it. Your theory also holds some weight. Especially with the casting of God. Lucifer does indeed have daddy issues and abandonment issues. He truly could be afraid to say I love you, although my opinion on whether or not the “it would be a lie” line still stands. I don’t think it’s related.

Yes! Eve is back. I’m excited to see what’s brought her back to LA.

I’m also curious to see the new celestial cast members. It seems like there’s quite a few new ones.

[hrh-selene-r]

Celebrity/Character Crush Tag game!!

• tag; post below ten characters, musicians, or celebrities you are attracted to/love and have people assume your type.

Tagged by the Marvelous @ellelaconiwrites 😘 love ya hun!! And yes Michelle Yeoh is AMAZING. Be warned, this list comes in no particular order...so please don’t make me choose

1. Tom Hiddleston (he’s fun, cultured, smart, talented, has a great sense of humor and is good looking; not to mention that he has a boyish charm. If you think he’s a goody goody, you haven’t seen him nasty😏....plus he has a dog named Bobby 🐶)

2. Adam Driver (OF COURSE he’s on my list...I’m not an idiot.. What can I say, he’s a tall and handsome/cute drink of water, he’s also funny and goofy, but thoughtful, talented, hard working, and smart. Not to mention that he has a doggie named Moose 🐕. Of course I Stan! )

3. Cody Fern (While I’m not usually a fan of blonde men, Cody is hmm. This beautiful Aussi falls under my list of men that play with gender. There’s nothing sexier than a man that’s confident enough to play with gender. 🤤 AND!! He’s a great dresser and when he wears make up, ufff. He can be sweet, snarky and Daddy all in one. Plus he’s never boring and is talented, thoughtful.)

4. Adam Sackler & Phillip Altman (They’re both mischievous little boys trapped in men’s bodies. They’re both endearing and obnoxious, but very sweet and emotional. I also like that Adam likes to the role of a caregiver, he likes to feel needed and responsable for someone, and that makes him a good potential to be a father.)

5. Alexander Vlahos (Actor, writer, director, and cat lover. He does it all. Alex is super funny, goofy, smart, witty, handsome and beautiful. He looks good in drag or just hanging out. We have to Stan.)

6. Alexander Ludwig (He’s a gorgeous Canadian Maple, and I can’t help but make heart eyes at him.)

7. Clyde Logan (They grow them big at West Virginia! I just wanna lie on the couch with him and read a book or cook dinner. Like with Paterson -another military vet- Clyde makes you appreciate the simple life.)

8. Toby Regbo (Actor, activist and amateur drag queen. We Stan Stella Lagoon, but I like Toby more ;). He’s so intelligent and thoughtful, he reads a lot of philosophy books and also donates his time doing charity. Plus those eyes are entrancing and I just wanna have a laugh with him while staring at them all night.)

9. Dr. Mikhail Varshavski, D.O., AKA Dr. Mike. (He has to be on this list. He’s a Russian doctor, he’s handsome AF, funny, goofy and is a doggy daddy to Roxy and Bear. He also has a YouTube channel and honestly his best moments are when he’s not perfect.)

10. Jake Gyllenhaal (this is a long time coming. I don’t know if it’s his face, his eyes, his smile or his laugh, but 😍.)

Honorable mentions

Toby Grisoni (He’s a bit of a cynical asshole, but he’s a sexy AF cynical asshole. He needs someone to whip him into shape and show him a bit of humility)

Alexander Dreymon (I have no words for this beautiful German man.)

Paul Rudd (he’s been a crush of mine since the 90’s and I still adore him)

Chris Evans (That’s America’s ass ;)

Jared Leto (He’s a bit of a fuckboi but he’s an immortal one. Plus he’s fun and really smart. He contemplates things a lot and is a nature lover, he has fun with his appearance and is very creative. Plus he’s hung...I mean, there’s a reason they call it Satan...plus he’s into some sado masochist stuff. I’d try it.)

Darren Criss (I cant put my finger on it.)

Michael Langdon (He’s the son of Satan and he’s kinda sexy. He’s not always sure, and he had some help along the way, but when he finally came into his own...daaaamn.)

Nico Tortorella (I just a sucker for them. Nico is just 🤤 but they’re fun and has an adventurous soul. I am so team Josh in younger. To be clear they’re non binary.

Kylo Ren ( Complex character...need I say more. Kylo is a scholar of the force turned commander, turned Supreme Leader. He’s not evil, but also not all good -like any real person. I didn’t see enough of him to get a good grip of his personality, but that’s where we can fill the blanks -cause I can guarantee it’ll be better than whatever Disney would’ve come up with.)

Zuko (Bad guy turned good in the best way possible. Story/character wise: he’s what Kylo isn’t; a well redeemed antagonist. He fails, gets frustrated, tries to be funny but tends to be moody and humorless. But he has a soft cookie dough core underneath it all.)

James ‘Pale’ from Burn This (Jersey boy be Jersey. He’s tall, a hard worker an artist and has a motormouth. Yeah he’s obnoxious, is traumatized by his brothers death and has a cocaine habit, not to mention that he’s in a failed marriage and has issues expressing emotion, but god damn it if you can’t see the emotional vulnerability underneath.

Charlie Barber (I low key love his controlling energy. He’s probably a sub, if I’m honest. But he needs an assertive woman, the man is a controlling narcissist, so his partner can’t take his shit, has to bring him down a peg once in a while and support him, but also demand that he support them.

Sam Geggie: (Sam is a total creative power house as Gigi Goode. They’re funny and witty. I’ll be bad for them if they want. 😏. ❤️ In case you’re wondering Sam is gender fluid.)

L (So he’s basically a law breaking Sherlock Holmes. He’s actually a very engaging and intriguing character. And to be real, there’s an ego thing to being recognized by someone with his intelligence and influence.)

Bill Skarsgard (He’s beautiful.)

Sung Kang (He’s just gorgeous, and his attitude kills me.)

John Hamm (He’s masculine and traditionally handsome...plus he’s hung.)

Alexander Skarsgard (He can be my Viking any day)

Vegeta (yes I’m a dragonball fan. He is arguably the most complex character in the franchise. He is a present father and a supportive and loyal-to-fault husband. Sure he had some growing pains, but I Stan.)

Andreja Pejić (I had a crush before she came out as trans and I still have a crush on her)

Gustav Skarsgard (I cant even. There’s something there.)

Clark Gable (I don’t need to say anything, he’s just so suave and debonair.)

Kento Yamazaki (I mean c’mon. He’s cute)

Did I cheat? Maybe.. ;) Do I have a type? I don’t know, if you thinks so then leave a comment to let me know.

Tagging some friends!! @kowalskibro-adamdriverblog @ktellmeastory @adumbdryer @callmehopeless @direnightshade @commanderbensolo @tsarinastorm @jyn-z-solo @ohiobluetip @oh-adam @thomasscresswell @mind-p0llution @klauscarolove

[emblemxeno]

Xander Support Science Rebuttal/Review + How Mediocre Localization Could Change A Character (2/2)

Continuing From My Last Post (You can find my first post here with all of the links and citations referenced there also being applicable here)

This was originally gonna be three parts, but cutting down the rest of what I had, I don’t think I would have enough for three so instead you get a big second post. Please enjoy, and leave comments/asks one what you liked and what I could do do better in the future.

Continuation 

-At 20:57, Ghast talks about Xander’s final showdown in BR chapter 26, “Despite already establishing that Xander had his doubts about Garon and his way of doing things, calling his siblings naive is hilariously rich coming from someone who routinely overreacts and disrespects his own family members for making inarguable claims about Garon” Xander doesn’t say that in the original script. He instead says:

Xander: I see...So you deceived Camilla and Leo like that? However, that will not work on me. As the First Prince of the Kingdom of Nohr, I cannot allow those who threaten the Kingdom to exist. No matter what others may say, now...I will defeat Corrin. 

Nothing to indicate Xander disrespecting his siblings by insulting them, it’s simply a matter of defending his country.

-Ghast then goes on to also mention how Xander defended Garon and told Leo to shut up in Rev chapter 14. To that, notice the difference in the conversation between JP and the localization.

-

JP version, english patch 

Leo: ...Hey, Xander. We should help fight, too. Even if we become enemies of Nohr, just like Corrin…

Xander: What?! Don’t say such stupid things!! 

Leo: !!

Xander: Understand? We have our pride as the Nohrian royal children. No matter what happens, Father… He won’t let anyone betray this country. Remember this fact.

Leo: ...Sorry.

Xander: ...If you understand, then it’s okay. From here on out... There are things that we must do for Nohr. Corrin and them will meet at the Bottomless Canyon, when the skies over Nohr and Hoshido switch. Until then... Gather all of the trustworthy troops you can find.

Leo: ...Brother? What on earth are you…?

Localization

Leo: Xander, I’m not certain we should be fighting the Hoshidan forces. Even if it means becoming enemies of Nohr…

Xander: Enough of this foolishness!

Leo: !!

Xander: Listen. We are noble princes of Nohr--loyal sons to King Garon. No matter what… We cannot betray Father or this kingdom. Remember that.

Leo: I apologize for my words, Brother.

Xander: No need to apologize, so long as you understand. You and I must do all we can to protect Nohr. Corrin told where and when to meet him/her. We need to be at the Bottomless Canyon on the day the skies change. We have until then to gather our most trusted soldiers.

Leo: What are you planning to do, Xander?

-

The JP version has Xander shift his perspective, because this is the point where he realizes Garon is not the man he used to be. When he tells Leo to “shut up” in the JP script, it’s because Leo mentioned betraying Nohr not anything to do with their father. The conversation goes onto paint Garon as a tyrant by saying “He won’t let anyone betray this country” placing the blame unto his father for being an asshole, rather than having Noblesse oblige towards BOTH Garon and the Kingdom. The localization makes this conversation worse by having Xander still vehemently defend Garon when it was supposed to subtly communicate that it won’t be the case anymore. It also makes Xander look like more of a dick than he actually is.

Line Changes

-At 22:15, he goes onto the Conquest chapter 27 line where Xander says Corrin will be punished like any other traitor if they are leading the Nohr family into a trap to do them harm. He also says that Xander believes that Corrin is leading them into a Hoshidan ambush, but I don’t know where he got that from? He says nothing about Hoshido, he only says if Corrin’s actually trying to harm their family. And again, this is another case of localization making Xander seem more harsh than he is. The original line was:

“Xander:..I understand. You’re the one who has led and fought with us the whole time. That’s why...I believe you. I believe in your words. But, if what you say turns out to be a lie...We will determine you as an enemy, and our entire army will turn against you. Prepare yourself for that.” 

Nothing as threatening as the localized version, because Xander isn’t actually like that.

Xander’s Denial/Trust Issues

-Ghast goes on “While Corrin’s claim would be hard to swallow, without any context, Garon’s been a bloodthirsty monster the entire game (talks about Garon being evil and Xander witnessing it)...Xander even later says the war was pointless and that his real father, would never have started a meaningless war like the one they just fought in, showing that he knew from the start that what he was doing was wrong. So why would he threaten Corrin like that for suggesting disposing of Garon”?

Because, at that point, he was still in denial of Garon possibly being bad, clinging onto hope that his father would return to the way he was. As I mentioned earlier, it takes seeing Garon as a literal monster to finally push Xander over the edge, but it’s also why he and the other Nohr siblings are hesitant to fight against Slime Monster Dad, because they felt the exact same way due to how they grew up. 

Following up, he says, “Why would he not trust Corrin, when at that point of the game they chose to return to Nohr and fight with them and they probably have an A support which shows he’s been doubting Garon for years” 1) As stated before, the support wasn’t translated well, he’s not actually the type to stand up to Garon even if he had his doubts unless you have some very definitive proof and 2) 9 times out of 10, Supports don’t affect the story in any meaningful way. At best it affects whether you can not have someone unrecruit themselves, or in 3H in order to get the CF route. I can just as easily have Corrin not support Xander at all.

Further on, Ghast says “Even after Garon being a complete dickbag, and Corrin showing unquestionable loyalty the entire game, Xander still trusts Garon more” No, he doesn’t. It’s not trust, it’s fear. He’s afraid of his father. He visibly recoils whenever Garon barks orders at him, he says that as a kid he was more scared of his father than any ghost in the Boo Camp DLC. Xander is fully aware of Garon’s atrocities and how awful he is, but he defends him because protecting Garon is synonymous with protecting his Kingdom and family, and because he’s in deep denial of Garon’s behavior due to growing up in a destructive environment, AND because he’s utterly terrified of him. It’s a complex way of thinking, and something that has shaped Xander up to that point.

Logic vs. Emotion

-He goes back to BR chapter 26 at with 25:17 “He doesn’t even take a moment to think things through and ask himself why all of his siblings have stopped fighting Corrin already, he doesn’t consider Leo and Camilla’s feelings at all, completely dismisses Elise’s plight, and instead blindly fights for Garon to win the war...Xander’s reaction to Elise’s final dying plea in his arms that he’s responsible for, to get him to listen finally is to continue fighting Corrin. Xander’s hubris has blinded him from seeing why Camilla and Leo could see reason, he pushed his agenda so far that he literally killed his own sister. At this point, Xander has absolutely nothing but his annoying patriotism to his country and his blind obsessiveness with pleasing Daddy Dearest, so instead of finally beginning to see the light, Xander instead spits on Elise’s dying wish, and forces Corrin to fight him, despite literally being told not to do it.”

Ghast’s incessant desire for Xander to have no personality except considering others feelings and be a pragmatist is what drags down this analysis the most for me. Besides already ignoring literally everything that was changed in the localization, as well as the more-than-implied undertones of an abusive/destructive childhood, he is under the impression that after killing his own sister, there should only be one reaction to it, to join Corrin and fight Garon. Completely disregarding the darkest part about Xander, his suicidal desires, most of which are delved into his Nyx support. You can’t get this support in BR obviously, and that route is where he is pushed to his limits and is suffering the most on the inside; when he kills Elise everything inside of him breaks and he thinks the only way to atone is to die, hence why he triggers a Suicide-by-Cop by forcing Corrin to fight him. This is reflected in gameplay where his stats are lowered and he doesn’t move, showing that he’s holding back and wanting Corrin to finish him off.

Ghast goes on to say “What were the writers hoping to achieve by making Xander completely disregard his little sister’s sacrifice and to continue fighting with absolutely no resolve or reason to fight? He couldn’t do anything else? Really?”

Uh, yeah. Really. At least that’s what Xander believed. Being suicidal does that to people. Context of the moment and not thinking rationally can really fuck someone up depending on what happens. It is an issue the audience can have, where doing the smart thing is obvious, and it’s bad writing when the character doesn’t do it, but 1) characters aren’t robots dictated solely by logic and 2) characters that always do the right/smart thing can get pretty boring, at least to me. It’s also why I enjoy Corrin as a protagonist and why Takumi and Leo work extremely well as Corrin’s foils.

-He then goes onto critique Xander claiming he didn’t have a choice like his other siblings, because of his responsibility as Crown Prince, saying that at that point, Leo, Camilla and Elise had left the war so what did he have left to fight for. And to that I say, he had the rest of Nohr to fight for, literally a bunch of innocents that he needs to protect. Meanwhile, his retainers are probably bleeding out, whoops.

-30:28 “Now Elise is dead. Her courageous sacrifice goes ignored by Xander, and the only possible reasoning behind his decision to continue was to keep fighting for Garon and Nohr” or, y’know, because of those not so subtle suicidal tendencies of his that were just triggered by him killing his sister, leading him wanting to be killed?

“But therein lies another problem, Xander’s responsibility is to his people, not to a megalomaniac king undeserving of his loyalty” Denial, fear, and a harmful way of thinking can do that to someone.

-Ghast actually acknowledges Xander’s suicide by cop thing with his stats and says it was supposed to be tragic but it’s not because he thinks Xander’s line of letting his feelings overrule my duty is baffling because “...he suppressed his real feelings because of his duty, there’s no instance where Xander’s emotions get in the way of doing what he should do as Crown Prince, someone who is to strive for the well being of his people” Chapter 2 he spares Kaze and Rinkah, and in chapter 3 he and the other siblings rescue Corrin despite not being ordered to. This is him doing what his feelings told him to do in spite of what consequence it might have for his country in the future. Not to mention a lot of his actions in Conquest have him do things based on emotion and feelings even if it might have ended the war sooner not to.

-34:55, “So guess what? He knew. He knew Camilla left for a good reason, he knew Leo was right to suspect Garon, he agreed with what Elise wanted the entire time, and he knew Corrin was right, but most importantly he doesn’t believe in Garon anymore. So what does he have left? His people. But how, Xander? How are you going to lead your people to the peaceful future you just admitted to always wanting as Crown Prince if you go ahead and throw your life away? So let me answer your question. Is that justice? No Xander, it’s karma, you colossal tool”.

People aren’t allowed to have feelings and who cares if he was suicidal and wanted his life to end because he felt like he didn’t deserve to live anymore, and most likely felt his people deserved better than him, yadda yadda. Again, it’s this desire to rope Xander into this box of not having a character besides being receptive to other people that makes this analysis worse. Because he’s ignoring intrinsic facets of Xander’s personality. Traits that really can’t be ignored when understanding the greater context of the siblings, Nohr, and the game as a whole. Unfortunately, said traits were also bogged down a bit by a bad localization.

35:37-”If this was support Xander he wouldn’t have done all of this and he would’ve made all the right choices” I don’t agree, for aforementioned reasons that I don’t wish to repeat again.

35:56 ”And if he can’t negotiate peace, Xander should bravely face his father like he said he did in the past and do the right thing for the countrymen he so devoutly serves. Stand up to the guy.” Basically the entire argument is based on one line that was never in the original script and therefore never intended to be something the audience would think. Xander never stood up to Garon directly before, the only real instance of that happening is chapter 27 of Conquest, where he finds his father is a literal monster. Any other time he tries, he recoils in fear. Even his line in CQ chapter 9 where Corrin might be executed for getting help from Elise and Xander says “Father, kill me or kill no one. That is all there is to it” isn’t in the JP script, it was literally just ellipses instead.

The Second Video: Xander’s Supposed Hypocrisy

The second video goes onto more story Xander and supports Xander stuff, once again closing Xander off into a box of just being selfless and being completely receptive.

-At 4:25 he says instead of letting the war be over quicker by letting Zola execute the Hoshidan royals Xander commits treason against his own army and people by destroying Zola’s company in chapter 18. Ghast makes this out as Xander being self fulfilling and not for the welfare of his people at all, despite this completely going against Ghast’s apparent need for Xander to consider his families’ feelings and wishes, and saving the Hoshido royals would what Corrin would want. I really don’t know what Ghast really wants from Xander sometimes.

-From 6:01 to 7:12, Ghast criticizes Xander’s way of doing things as hypocritical. “Xander acts like Garon (declaring treachery and using violence to get his way) to make sure the war is won in an honorable way”. Never mind the fact that since Xander is thinking about the future of Nohr, and he doesn’t want his country to be seen as deceptive cowards, and the fact standing by and letting a person like Kotaro do what he wants, despite being a greedy politician who destroyed a whole country in the past and can easily stab Nohr in the back later.

Further on, at 10:05, “It’s not enough to be a good person, you have to stand up to people doing bad things” ...that’s literally what he does against Zola though? Besides the aforementioned planned execution, there’s also the fact that Zola is committing a crime by instigating conflict in a neutral territory, why would taking him out be a bad thing.

Justice Is An Illusion

-At 11:00, he goes on to criticize Xander’s Justice Is An Illusion speech in CQ 24, specifically the line “If we allow evil men to let their vision take precedence over our own, we all lose. Remember that, and find solace in it” He says this is hypocritical of Xander to say, as Xander had done nothing to stand up for his own vision of peace in the face of evil men at point. This is despite the fact that, as we know by now, Xander isn’t the type of person to stand up and directly fight back against his father, because of fear and denial. So despite it looking cowardly, it’s consistent with how his portrayal was supposed to be, which the localization fumbled on.

Also, the line that Ghast criticizes? Guess which line isn’t in the JP script. Actually the speech is a lot longer in the localization than the JP version, like twice as long:

The localized speech:

Corrin: ...Xander, what do we--?

Xander: I know. I don’t like this plan any more than you do. But we must stay strong. If we falter now, the whole world will pay the price. Corrin… Camilla told me you once asked her where justice lies.

Corrin: Yes. She didn’t have any more answers than I did.

Xander: Little prince/princess… The sad truth is that justice is an illusion. A child’s fairy tale. There is no light path that always leads to good, nor dark path that leads to evil. To believe that--to see the world in black and white--is missing half the picture. All that matters are the choices we make--especially the hard ones.

Corrin: But this? It’s too much…

Xander: Letting innocents die is a tragedy, but so is letting the chance for peace slip away. This is war. There is no such thing as a clean win when lives are on the line. Instead of clinging to a false sense of justice, hold strong to something true… The desire to do what you know is right and to protect the ones you love… And the ambition to see your vision of a peaceful future through to the end. If we allow evil men to let their vision take precedence over our own, we all lose. Remember that, and find solace in it.

Corrin: You’re right, Xander. I know in my heart that you’re right. Gods, give me strength...

The JP Speech:

Corrin: ...Xander. I…

Xander: I know. You do not truly agree with these methods. ...Corrin. Before this, you… I heard from Camilla that you asked where justice is found. 

Corrin: Yes…

Xander: ...Things like justice, do not exist. This is war. In this world, there is no right or wrong way of being. There is only… Ambition and desire. Along with the expectations of the people who follow those emotions. You’d do well to remember that.

Corrin: …

-

I was surprised to see it was so short, so I double checked on a playthrough of the untranslated version to make sure it wasn’t a mess up with the patch, and it’s not. It’s actually that short.

Xander’s Honor

-At 14:22 he says Xander “Carelessly violates his code of conduct by dirtying his hands and by betraying his father and Nohr” What exactly does Ghast want, because Xander goes against Garon like he wanted, and allows his vision to hold precedence like he wanted (even though the line was a Treehouse add-on), yet this is apparently a bad thing because it’s contradictory to what he does later, when in the context of the situation, he literally can’t do anything because it would mean going against half the army as well as any Hoshidan forces. Xander says justice doesn’t really exist, because even when they did things like take out Zola and Kotaro for their scheming, who’s to say that was the most just decision, because as Ghast himself said, letting them do their thing could’ve ended the war faster. But on the other side of things, where would the justice be in letting people like that do what they want? That’s what Xander ultimately means when he says there’s no justice, further complemented by saying there is only ambition and desire; it was Xander’s ambition and desire to do what he thought was right, justice or not.

-At 16:03 to the end, Ghast concludes the video by saying that Support Xander and Story Xander may as well be different people. But the thing is, they’re not. Xander is in deep denial of his father being evil because he’s still latching on to what few good things there were about him, and Garon is what Xander is scared of the most. Xander’s multifaceted personality makes him out to be selfless and caring on the inside, whilst appearing intimidating, but none of this was intentionally cultivated, it’s just the way he grew up, and being a natural introvert, he’d rather not change how people perceive him because he’d rather not cause anyone trouble. And having a drive to do things for others, he also has personal issues and sentiments which influence his actions, such as suicidal desires and difficulty controlling and expressing his emotions.

This is shown really well, but mostly only in the original script. The grievous inconsistencies are a result of the localization adding in lines that contradict what was originally supposed to be conveyed. Apparently he stands up against Garon frequently, he fights for justice against evil men, and he doesn’t let his emotions rule over his logic. But none of that is actually true.

Conclusion

In general, I don’t really like either video because Ghast imposes what kind of character Xander should be like and doesn’t acknowledge (or outright dismisses as stupid) a lot of what could influence him. The final driving point is that it’s simply baffling that there’s no acknowledgement whatsoever of Xander’s story inconsistencies being possibly a result of bad localization (which they are) when Fates had one of the most controversial localization seasons in the past few years. Granted, yes, people were more up in arms about problematic content, the skinship, and name changes, but not many seem to recognize that maybe that it also extends to the script in general altering character personalities? It’s even more confusing considering Ghast’s main videos are about story and character analysis, yet doesn’t really seem to ever bring up how localization and translation can alter the script, thereby affecting the player’s reading of the plot.

Overall, what’s done has been done, most people see Xander as two (or three) different people because of Fates’ bad writing and not because messages possibly being misconstrued. I would like to say, that saying Xander was ruined was not the best choice of words, as even with mediocre translation, he’s still a fantastic character and not all of what makes him the way he is was lost.

It’s just I feel like we could’ve gotten better.

Anyway, thanks to all who read through this. Play Fates, it’s a good game, even though I think Treehouse fumbled a lot of it.

[sinkodoinggood]

Dear Dad (TW cursing, emotional abuse)

Dear Dad,

Does it make you happy to yell at people? Does it make you feel powerful? Is that honestly how you expect to have a happy and healthy relationship with your family? How do you really think it will end if I feel like I can’t have an actual conversation with my dad unless its about something he likes or what we need from the grocery store? Your yelling is hurting everyone in this family, and I know this because the shit you put my poor brother through is ridiculous. He has gone out of his way in the past to avoid you because he legitimately fears you and that is heartbreaking to see as an older sibling. I can’t have a conversation with you about it and you refuse to just go to fucking therapy already because you CLEARLY have a lot of shit to work through. I am absolutely serious, if you want to avoid giving everyone under 18 in this house severe daddy issues, sort out your shit IMMEDIATELY. Man the fuck up, swallow your stupid masculinity, and go to fucking therapy. We are so sick of this bullshit you put us through. I can’t talk to you when you’re upset, I can’t talk to you when my brother’s upset (because chances are you’re the reason he’s upset in the first place) and I can’t talk to you when Mom’s upset because you get your panties in SUCH a twist when she’s upset that it actually ends up doing a LOT more harm than good. Ever think of that? Hmm? Are your only two modes “normal human voice” and “rage”? I don’t know what shit you went through in your childhood that made you turn out like that, but get it under control because the things you say are so hurtful. We can’t defend ourselves, we can’t explain ourselves, we can’t have an actual conversation like healthy humans when you’ve decided that WE ARE WRONG and that obviously makes you immediately, indefinitely right. Are you aware that age doesn’t make you right? Did you know that sometimes you can handle situations wrong, and that we should be able to tell you when you’re hurting us even if we’re just kids and you’re the adult? You also probably didn’t know this, but being loud doesn’t make you right either. How many times have I raised my voice at you in the past five years? How many times have I told you how I really feel, like you’ve had the chance to do so many times? The only incident I can think of right now is that time I told you to please kindly NOT call my brother, your own son, an asshole. That night SUCKED because apparently I’m simply not allowed to talk back, or maybe even raise my voice at you the way you do all the time. I’m sick of your hypocrisy, I’m sick of you hurting my brother, I’m sick of you hurting me, and I need you to put your ass in therapy before you cause permanent damage and end up ruining our relationship into my adulthood. I’m so fed up with your bullshit. FIX IT.

For this particular instance, I would like to remind you that I’ve been legally able to drive for less than half a year. I’ve been able to take the top off my car only two times now, and the first time I was somewhat able to put it back on in a timely and responsible manner. I’ve never had to look at the weather for anything car related, I’m a brand spanking new jeep owner, and I am a 16 year old with a half-formed brain and attention issues. You, sir, are an asshole for screaming at me, not even ALLOWING me to apologize, and not letting me have a CALM, SIMPLE DISCUSSION with you about the factors that went into my slipup.

You have no idea how cathartic it would feel for me to be able to yell all these thoughts at you, to get them out of my head and MAYBE through your thick skull. You are the reason I feel like I’m not heard, and you’re the reason I’m probably going to fall into that stereotypical “my parents don’t understand me” teen angst bullshit, because I finally DO understand where that stereotype comes from. It's from assholes like you who refuse to go to therapy and accept that they’re a little bit fucked up and that their communication skills are shit. GOD I wish you would just LISTEN and I wish you could take what you dish out. Maybe not even take it, just simply ALLOW it. It hurts so fucking bad that I have to sit here and type an honest-to-god google docs because I feel like I can’t even talk to you like a normal person. If the communication I wish I could have with you was a spectrum, yelling at you and giving you a taste of your own fucked-up medicine would be on the end that’s probably physically impossible because I value our relationship. Based on your actions, you clearly don’t, but I do, so I swallow my damn tongue. Look how easy! Take notes! The end of the spectrum that I’m on right now is the one where I’m typing a very angry letter in my documents as I’m sitting at my desk and sobbing. It’s not even one that’s going to be sent. A sent letter would be far further down the spectrum. An edited version of this, one that communicates in an assertive and healthy manner, might be a bit closer to here on the spectrum, but I still wouldn’t send that because you’d want to try and argue with me about it and end up screaming your head off. You have such an infuriating issue with interruption and thinking you know what’s best 100% of the time, so you have to be LOUDER BECAUSE YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY CORRECT. I may have had only 16 years on this planet, but I am lightyears ahead of you in emotional intelligence. You should be embarrassed, honestly. For all that time I see you shitting away at your desk, “working”, when legitimately everyone in the house knows you’re on youtube or some stupid forum, you’d think you would have had a little sliver of time to look up how to actually tell someone they’re wrong instead of just being loud and hurtful. 

We are so sick of your bullshit. Man the fuck up and go to therapy. This is your first and only warning, as you’re so fond of administering those.

Love,

me

(you know, your daughter)

[timeisacephalopod]

Action

Have uh, some random Peter Q/ Tony thing in which Tony is Tony and Peter is a movie director.

“You,” Peter says, pointing at the hottie with the coffee. Everyone is going to hate his guts but they can all deal. He knows what he’s doing, its why people love his shit. “Want to be a cool space vagabond in a movie?”

Hottie with the Coffee stares at him for a long moment, clearly trying to determine if he’s serious. “Do you even know if I can act?” he asks.

Nope but he’s got a feeling and his feelings always end well except that one time he worked with Ronan and nearly ruined his career that movie was so bad but then he bounced back with some heartfelt Oscar winning daddy issues shit people loved so. He’s good. “You can probably act, lets go,” he says, walking off fully expecting his new casting choice to follow him.

*

Yeah, okay. This isn’t where Tony thought he’d spend his summer but he’s not complaining either. “I thought only rich kids could end up directors,” he says. He knows a few, they’re all shit but Peter is excellent. Fucking insane but excellent nonetheless. Really likes improv, which means his actors have to be good at it. Lucky him Tony happens to be great with a witty one liner.

“Yeah, that’s pretty true. I robbed the tits out of rich people all over California to raise money to make a movie. It ended up being a smash hit success and it put me in demand a little. People came to me to do a couple things, I proved myself a little more, and now I get regular work. None of the show pilots I’ve written have been picked up but I still get stupid amounts of money for writing them so whatever. Movies are more my thing anyway,” he says. “Gamora, move the lights a little to do that thing!” he yells across the set.

Gamora immediately begins moving the lights around and explaining what’s needed to the rest of the lighting crew. That’s not unusual for Peter, handing out some weird instructions and expecting people to get it. You get used to it working for him. “That’s a great backstory, you should make a movie about it,” Tony tells him, laughing.

“Thought about it but I already write a bunch of self insert characters, figured there was no need to do more of it,” he says. “Besides, sci-fi has always been where I wanted to be.”

“Usually you do drama,” Tony says and Peter raises an eyebrow.

“You did your research,” he says and Tony nods. “Yeah. Got stuck in it for a bit, not really that unusual for writers, getting stuck writing one genre in the industry forever. But I got a few people to take a chance on me and now I’m a proven genre jumper so I get a bunch of different shit. Except horror, I can’t write that to save my life. Always ends up horror comedy.”

Tony nods, “but people loved Black Lagoon,” he points out.

“People are dumb, that movie was hot garbage. The only redeemable thing was the fact that the fans started shipping the creature with the fish man from The Shape of Water and that was hilarious,” he says.

“Yeah, I’ve seen the art. So what exactly drew you to me anyway?” he asks because he’s been dying to know.

Peter shrugs, “your hot.” Tony raises an eyebrow. “No really, that’s it. I mean yeah, also you’re ridiculously expressive and carry yourself in a unique way that’s interesting to watch but mostly you’re hot.”

So it was the way he carried himself, interesting. Not really what he’d been expecting, all things considered.

*

Gamora looks amused, “and the rumor mill has started,” she says, handing her phone off to Peter. He grabs it and rolls his eyes at the TMZ article headline claiming he’s shacking up with Tony but its Tony’s response that catches his attention.

#CanNeitherConfirmNorDeny

More than that the tweet has gone viral. Obviously its a joke, Peter knows that, but he had no idea Tony had such a large and active Twitter base that’s now all interested in his movie for no other reason than Tony being attached to it.

“Bitch, what the fuck? How is this guy a one man marketing campaign?” he asks the screen more than Gamora.

“Probably because he’s already famous, idiot. You do know he’s the son of a billionaire and a genius who’s been in the public eye for years, right?” she asks and no he didn’t know that.

“Well shit, I knew that feeling I had was for a good reason,” he says. Suck it execs.

“Peter he’s well known for being difficult and an asshole, plus he has a history of addiction,” she says. “The fact that none of this seems to be a problem for you is a miracle.”

“Is not, its because I had a good feeling and he looks great on camera. His eyes are unique,” he says and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“Stop hiring people because you think they’re hot, its weird and creepy.”

“I hired you because you’re hot,” he lies and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“You hired me because we worked a job together and you know I’m good with tech. You hired Drax because you think he’s hot,” she says.

“Did not. I hired Drax because he’s a big ass dude and I didn’t know how to say no in the face of all those muscles. I hired Rocket because I thought he was hot.”

Gamora wrinkles his nose, “he looks like a rat.”

“He’s striking, don’t be rude.”

“If you find rats striking,” she mumbles.

“I think rats are very cute and you’re being a dick. Rats are good, Gamora.”

*

Peter considers Tony for a moment, head tilted to the side. “Okay, yeah, Nebs- Fast and Furious but for all those gay guys and women out there. Feel up Tony’s sexy space booty with the camera,” Peter tells her.

The younger Peter who follows Older Peter around with the clip board gives him a funny look. “Don’t be creepy,” he says.

Older Peter frowns at him, “what? Women deal with it all the time and I, personally, have been victimized by the lack of men’s space booties on TV. Its equality,” he says and Tony snorts.

“What, do you want me to bend over too?” he asks, amused.

“Can you work that naturally into the scene?” he asks and Nebula laughs behind the camera.

Mini Peter smacks Older Peter, “don’t be weird! Don’t do that,” he tells Tony and for some reason Peter allows it. Weird, considering he’s laid back but not afraid to tell someone off if they step on his toes.

“Its this your kid?” Tony asks, squinting at him. There’s a resemblance, sure, with the slightly curly dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Beyond that they look nothing alike.

“Yes,” Older Peter says at the same time Mini Peter says, “no.”

They exchange a look. “No he’s just like my son, I adopted him three movies ago and we’re feeling up Tony’s space booty. This will vindicate every man who’s been attracted to me ever and also women. Straight dudes are officially the minority here and don’t we make movies to please the majority?” he asks Mini Peter, who rolls his eyes.

“That is a totally twisted take on that argument.”

“So is every take on that argument. Space. Booty. Feel it up,” he says.

Tony rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous,” he tells Peter.

“Look, just be lucky I didn’t include the original sex scene with an A'askavariian,” he says like anyone knows what that is.

“I’m not fucking an alien. Feel my ass up all you want with the camera, but I draw the line at alien fucking,” Tony tells him.

“Yeah, I got told that was uh. Not appealing to the public and hello, Del Toro had that woman fuck a fish man. Monster fucking is palatable to the public, my editors are just dicks,” he says.

“Peter, A'askavariians have tentacles and needles for teeth,” Mini Peter says, baffled.

Tony wrinkles his nose. “Yeah I know you thought the ass thing was creepy but the alien thing is worse so can we get back to my ass?” he asks.

“Hell yeah, sounds good. Nebula, I assume you know how to work that thing,” Peter says, waving a hand around. “Do stuff. Wait, action,” he says, forgetting fifty percent of the relevant words to his job spontaneously. Not unusual for Peter.

Mini Peter looks horrified.

*

Peter looks like hell, probably, if the rumors are true, because he’s been up all night looking over footage and consulting Rocket for edits later. The guy’s process is a fucking mess. “You should probably sleep,” Tony tells him, bumping shoulders with him. “Today’s going to be a long ass day.” The scene they’re shooting is like ten minutes, which doesn’t sound like a lot but it is when its all stunts and action that looks ridiculous without the CGI to make it look like things are actually exploding. Right now there’s a lot of green screens, sticks with tennis balls on them, and people running around in morph suits.

“Yeah, I’m not leaving anyone else in charge. I have a really specific vision for this and sure I’ve got a good team but also I don’t trust a single one of those assholes,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Will this be more or less painful knowing that you’re tired as hell?” Tony asks. Because some people get nicer and some people turn into massive assholes when step deprived.

Peter looks him over, “for you? Probably a good thing. I assume actors are having as bad a day as I am given that I end up making the poor bastards go through like thirty five takes of one scene. Everyone else? Not so good. I mean I’m a total dick, but shit Gamora knows how lights work why are they like that?” he asks, clearly finding some type of problem and he takes off to go deal with it, leaving Tony to ponder what today will hold.

He decides to make light of that Buzzfeed article that recently came out regarding his supposed relationship with Peter instead of worrying about things.

*

Peter finds Tony in the morning after he fucking sleeps because he has questions. “You, yeah you, what’s with the Twitter speculation?” he asks, catching Tony with a croissant in his mouth looking confused. “You know, about our non relationship,” he adds.

Tony snorts and pulls the food from his mouth. “That? Good marketing gimmick, people love stupid gossip like that. Figured it couldn’t hurt the movie considering your marketing budget is garbage.”

Yeah, true, he spent too much money on music and landed himself in a three week battle over why he needed to blow that much of the budget on music only to win it by pointing out that music often makes movies. Like Halloween without the creepy Micheal Myers theme song? Just some weird guy in a mask following idiot high school students. Sure he gets stabby but its the music that really sells it. Or it did when it first came out, not its just campy to the modern audience. Point is music can make or break a film and yeah sure, he took the money out of marketing but he’s famous enough now that people who know him will go see his shit because they follow his work- built in audience means he can spare marketing dollars.

“Thanks man, appreciate it after three fucking weeks of arguing over that damn budget,” he says, shaking his head.

“To be fair, I’ve heard the music you want paired with the scenes you shot. It’ll sound amazing,” Tony says and finally some appreciation here.

‘Damn right it will. Didn’t think i’d get marketing in the form of celebrity gossip though and when were you going to tell me you’re already famous?” he asks.

Tony laughs, “thought you recognized me but uh, became clear pretty fast that you didn’t so props to you. The last time I ran into someone who didn’t recognize me on sight I was six. Plus I was bored anyway, might as well spend four months on a movie set.”

“Yeah, but I looked you up. Your company has like five new products launching in the next month,” he says. Which is insane given the time and effort that goes into inventing all those things, testing them and he’s been reliably informed by Wikipedia that Tony’s testing process is extensive, and then comes production, marketing, distribution, customer feedback, and then improvements. All of those things on their own is a stupid amount of work, but together plus spending anywhere from ten to eighteen hours a day on a movie set doing random shit? Tony must have the stamina of a robot because keeping up with it all is borderline impossible.

“Half that stuff was already done when I started this and I have an amazing business partner. Honestly most of the credit for all that should go to Pepper. Marketing was all her and she’s a genius at it,” Tony says.

Peter nods because he followed up on the marketing for it. He’s written a few commercials, he knows how difficult it is to run a good marketing campaign when people fucking hate commercials. “You should keep her around forever. She’s way too good a resource to lose when your commercials don’t fucking suck ass,” he says.

Tony snorts, “you don’t have to tell me twice. Pepper is invaluable.”

Maybe he should hire her to run his marketing campaigns. He pretty much hates everyone he has now and in this industry you’re subject to be fired at any moment so he should fire them all and poach Pepper.

*

Tony walks over to Peter and throws himself down beside him, “smile for me,” he says, leaning into Peter’s space and grinning. He snaps a picture of a mostly confused looking Peter and posts it to his Twitter.

“So like. Are you two a thing? Because I don’t know anymore,” Drax says.

“They aren’t,” Mantis tells him. “But its a good method of attaching Peter’s movie to something.”

Drax frowns at her but says nothing. Tony raises an eyebrow and Peter shrugs, “Mantis is never wrong about stuff like that. She’s like... freakishly good at reading people.”

“Oh you’ll end up together but you’re not together now,” she tells them, not looking up from her tablet. “And Peter, please make sure the boom is not in the shots. I’m tired of editing them out.”

“I thought Rocket did the editing?” Tony asks.

“No, Rocket gets the credit,” Mantis says. “I’m kidding. Mostly. I help.”

“Meaning she’s the only thing that keeps Rocket from spontaneously combusting. She’s almost as good with editing tech as she is with emotions and Rocket needs someone to balance him out.” Yeah, Tony has met Rocket. Guy is wound a little tight and inseparable from that friend of his, Groot. Poor bastard probably has the worst name known to man, Rocket following shortly after. Shit, Mantis isn’t far out from that either.

“Huh. Make my ass look good,” he tells her and Drax’s eyebrows draw together.

“Your ass doesn’t need help to look good,” he says.

“Hey eyeballs off his ass,” he says like he has a right to complain. Everyone currently at the table gives him the same look because he’s a total hypocrite. “What? I told Nebula to feel up his ass with the camera, I didn’t feel up shit,” he points out. “My eyeballs were focused on that one fucky light.”

Tony snorts, “yeah, okay.”

“Don’t look at me like that, its true,” he says. “I maintain that until I’ve felt up Tony’s ass no one can give me the looks you’re all giving me.”

“I mean, if that willing,” Tony tells him and the look on Peter’s face is hilarious.

“Are you willing? Because I may actually have dreams about this.”

Drax shakes his head, throwing his fork at his food. “And people say I need to learn how to be less blunt. At least I’m not ruining people’s meals with admissions to sex dreams,” he mumbles, picking himself up and walking away.

*

Rhodey looks down at the article in his lap. “Is there truth to any of this?” he asks and Pepper looks up, leaning out of her desk to see what he’s reading before sighing. She doesn’t even need to speak for him to know what’s going on.

“You know how Tony is, he’ll get bored of Peter once they aren’t spending as much time together. Its a fling,” she tells him.

Which is why, three months later, Rhodey is annoyed to be standing in front of Peter fucking Quill, guy who is absolutely not good enough for his best friend. Tony looks hopeful, like he thinks Rhodey will like this pasty ass cornfed fucker when that’s so not going to happen.

“Let me be clear- I don’t like you. You look like someone stuffed you with some low quality hay, shoved a stick up your ass, and stuck you in a cornfield in Missouri until you managed to come to life, pulled that stick out of your ass, and walked onto a movie set. You’re not good enough for Tony and there is nothing on God’s green earth that will convince me otherwise,” he tells Peter.

“Well, I am from Missouri,” he mumbles.

“Yeah you look like you’re from Missouri,” Rhodey tells him, tone disparaging.

Tony sighs. “Rhodey, he’s great. Really.”

Rhodey squints, “have you watched this man’s movies? He couldn’t write himself out of a paper bag if it was made out of some damn ad libs,” he says and Peter clenches his jaw.

“I’m real upset that you’re coming up with better insults than me,” Peter tells him.

“Rhodey,” Tony tells him. “He’s actually awesome. Give him a break.”

He looks Peter over. “Give him a break? The only thing that needs to be broken here is this ugly ass relationship. Go date Pepper, she’s perfect for you,” he tells him. That is the only person he will accept because Pepper is amazing and treats Tony right. And he’s good for her too, they balance each other out. This shit he’s got going with Knockoff Chris Pratt? Not attractive.

Across the room Pepper looks vindicated.

[samsnak]

Daddy Issues

I put this little baby on AO3, but I figured I’d also drop it on Tumblr in case any Mshenko fans don’t go there as much!

Title: Daddy Issues

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Shepard gets an email one day from someone he didn’t know existed. Kaidan comforts him after it goes to hell. Can be set at any time in ME1 or ME3. Please be warned about homophobia and the use of homophobic slurs, and don’t read if you find that upsetting <3

Word Count:  2,591

"Hey,” Kaidan said as he entered the cabin, walking over to the desk where Shepard was sitting and placing a kiss to his forehead. Shepard didn’t look away from the terminal he was pouring over, just grunted a greeting and patted his hip.

“You doing okay?” Not that he needed to be the center of Shepard’s attention, but he was kind of used to it whenever he walked in a room. And he also really liked it. Shepard was scowling, and the hand on his chin was rough as he scraped his stubble, pinching the skin and leaving a red mark. Kaidan just barely suppressed the urge to pull his hand away and kiss the skin better. Maybe his eyebrows too, for good measure, just to coax him into relaxing.  

Shepard didn’t answer him, just kept scrolling and reading the text on his terminal, scowling. If he didn’t want Kaidan to see it, he didn’t say so, and he didn’t make any move to hide it. It was a long, drawn out message, so he just skimmed the contents over his shoulder. A long, sad biography—filled with grammatical errors—about being hunted by mercenaires, running, working odd jobs, and missing a son he never knew he had.

He knew that Shepard had been an orphan, and had grown up fending for himself. He’d mentioned committing petty crimes, sexual favors for credits, joining a gang, but getting him to open up much was like pulling teeth, and Kaidan didn’t like to pry. He started to rub his shoulders—they were rock hard—and his neck, and hoped that he’d tell him what was going on.

At the bottom of the email was a picture of an ID card. Matthew Shepard, the name read. The picture was of an older man with piercing blue eyes just like John’s.

“He’s probably not even my real dad,” Shepard said finally, “Just some enterprising asshole who happens to have the same last name. Maybe it’s even a fake ID,” Kaidan didn’t respond, just kept rubbing his shoulders and letting him talk through it.

“Probably just heard about me becoming a Spectre,” John was silent for a few moments, thinking, “Do you think I should meet him?” His question belied the hope he had hidden. How could Kaidan say no?

Kaidan had been fortunate to always have a good relationship with his father. He couldn’t imagine not even knowing him. “It’s your choice,” He said, choosing his words carefully, “But I always think it’s easier to deal with the regret of trying and failing than not trying at all,”

And that had to be true, at least, right? Maybe the two of them could build some sort of relationship. It would be good for Shepard.

He reached back, patting the hands on his shoulders, and chuckled warmly, “You sound like a fortune cookie,” but he immediately started typing a response email. The tone was terse, but he agreed to meet him on the Citadel.

***

If there was any doubt that this man was John’s biological father, it was erased as soon as they laid eyes on him. He was standing alone in a corner of the bar on the Presidium, the same scowl on his face that John carried so often. He was just as tall as his son, and almost as imposing a presence. He had his high, prominent cheekbones and his intense blue eyes. He was lanky, not the heavy set of muscles his son carried, and his complexion was ruddier, but the resemblance was striking.

“Wow,” Garrus said, “That’s a ‘Shepard,’ alright,”

Shepard just grunted. He looked down at his gauntlets, picking at some invisible spot.

“You okay, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard looked at him, and Kaidan gave him the most reassuring smile he could muster. “I’ll be back,” he nodded at the two of them before walking away.

John’s father smiled, big and wide, when his son approached. His arms flew open and he embraced him. Kaidan cringed. Shepard was...funny about being touched. He still flinched when Kaidan hugged him unexpectedly. John stood stiff, waiting it out.

Shepard was the one who broke the hug, after a few long seconds. He took a step back, looking the older man in the eyes.

Kaidan sighed, and turned to Garrus, “C’mon, let’s go get a drink.”

*°*

“John! It’s good to see you,” the older man said when he approached. That, more than anything, had pissed him off, put him on edge. Kaidan was the first one in over a decade to call him by his first name; once he joined the Alliance it was always rank and last name . He’s not friendly enough with anyone else for that. The familiarity was too presumptuous for someone who he’d never met.

The hug was a shock. Kaidan was certainly the first person in decades that he’d hugged. This hug made him uncomfortable. He suddenly wished Kaidan were here. He was better with people. And he felt better when he was around.

“The first human Spectre? That’s incredible,” he said, “I’m so proud of you,” he clapped a hand on his shoulder. Shepard would never admit it, but that felt good to hear. It seemed odd, to care about the opinion of someone he’d never met before.

“Thanks,” he muttered. The man—his father—pushed a drink towards him, before ordering them two more. Shepard threw it back. He’d probably need it.

“John, I—uh, I never knew I had a kid. I didn’t know your mother for very long, and I didn’t hear about you until after she died,”

“Who was my mother?” he asked, suddenly interested.

“She was a...lady of the night,”

“Oh,” he didn’t know why he was expecting something different. He’d seen that world. He didn’t want to ask how she’d died, “Why didn’t you get me?”

“You were already with a foster home. I figured you’d be better off. I’m not exactly the child-raising type,” he looked down and finished his drink, so Shepard did, too.

John was the one to wave the bartender for another round, this time, “Foster care wasn’t great,” he spat, and swallowed against the rise of bile in his throat at the memories.

“I don’t doubt it,” his father hung his head, sighing heavily.

John pinched the bridge of his nose. He wanted to walk away and forget all about this. The small bit of personal time he was given, and he was pissing it away chasing some ideal of a father figure. He should leave, go shoot something with Garrus, buy himself a new gun, make love to Kaidan. But he had to know.

“What did you contact me for?”

“I wanted to meet my son. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

“I guess,” John said. They drank in silence for a few more minutes. Shepard lost track of how many they’d had. He glanced around the bar, trying to find Garrus and Kaidan. The two of them were sitting at a table nearby, quietly talking and nursing their drinks. They kept stealing glances towards him, and he smiled when he caught their eyes.

He leaned heavily against the bar. The room was starting to spin, a little. Across the bar, two handsome young men were kissing. He wanted Kaidan.

His dad—and wasn’t that an odd thought, that he had someone to call “dad” now—broke the silence. “I need to ask you for a favor,” and there it was. The real reason he’d reached out to him in the first place. The only reason anyone contacts Commander Shepard; they need something.

He was too drunk for arguing to be worth the energy, so his dad went on, “There’s a group of mercs who’ve been after me. The Blue Suns. They think I shorted them on a shipment, but I didn’t,”

“Mmm,” he said in response. He risked another glance towards the couple. They were still kissing.

He must have been staring at them more than he’d realized, in his inebriated state. His dad followed his gaze to the couple. “Fags,” he sneered.

“They’re not hurting anyone,” he said into his drink. He considered draining it, but thought better of it. He was on that dangerous precipice between feeling good and getting sick.

“It’s disgusting,” he curled his lip.

He stood up suddenly, surprising himself at how pissed he was, “Is that why you contacted me? You need help?”

“No, I told you, I wanted to meet my son,” his words were slurred.

“The handsome Alliance guy I came in with? That’s my boyfriend, ” he spat, inclining his head towards where Garrus and Kaidan were sitting awkwardly, “I just finished sucking his dick before we got here,” he slammed his fist down on the table top.

His father didn’t seem to have a response to that. Just looked vaguely disgusted.

“We’re done here,” Shepard turned without another word and walked away.

***

When their voices had started rising, they started carrying over the roar of the crowd, but Kaidan still couldn’t make out most of what was being said. He did catch a single, nasty word that made his stomach drop and his cheeks turn hot: fag.

He wasn’t sure how John would respond to that. He could imagine the devastation he’d feel, if his own father called him that slur. That fear was one of the reasons he still hadn’t told his parents about their relationship, even as it was escalating.

He’d only heard that word a few times in his life, but he remembers his father using it. He was 16, still grappling with his own confusing sexuality and feelings, and it felt like a gut punch when his father used it to describe their neighbors . It wasn’t particularly mean spirited or spiteful, just a matter-of-fact statement. New neighbors are nice. Couple of fags.

Garrus seemed to have heard it, too, and looked at him expectantly. Kaidan wasn’t sure if he should walk over to the two of them. If John would even want that, or if having his fag boyfriend walk up would just make things worse. Even after all the time they’d spent together, he was no better at reading John’s poker face. He looked tense, he could tell that much. He’d left the Normandy carrying the Alliance posture: head high, chin forward, shoulders back, and the man still looked like he was made of steel.

Then John slammed his fist down and left, and Kaidan didn’t have to make a decision anymore.

“Let’s go,” Shepard growled to the two of them as he stormed past. He and Garrus exchanged a glance but followed without a word.

***

Kaidan felt awful. He was the one who’d pried, who’d talked Shepard into going to meet him. It was a naive, idealistic thought to think that the man who’d abandoned him as a baby suddenly wanted to reconnect. Shepard had known better, of course. He lived the hard life of looking out for himself, of being alone.

Kaidan had taken an old wound and ripped it back open.

They sat on the couch in the Captain’s Cabin, his head leaning against Shepard’s shoulder, “I’m sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut about the whole thing,’

Shepard turned to him, his brow furrowed in confusion, “What? No. You were right. If I wouldn’t have gone I’d just spend the rest of my life wondering. Knowing is...better,”

Kaidan wrapped an arm around him, still unconvinced, but dropping it for now.

Shepard’s voice got lower, “Who needs a dad when I have a sexy Alliance boyfriend,” he said, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Kaidan laughed, “Don’t try to change the subject,” but he ran a hand down his chest, anyway.

John nipped his earlobe, and pulled him to his feet, squeezing his ass, “You can be my daddy,”

Kaidan gave him a playful shove and laughed, “God, Shepard, you’re the worst,”

He grinned, not slowing down, “Yeah? Gonna teach me a lesson, Daddy? Punish me with your hard cock?”

“Shut up,” Kaidan grabbed his jaw, kissing him hard to get him to stop talking.

“Mmm, yes, Sir,” Shepard started grinding their hips together.

“You sound like a bad holovid,” Shepard smacked his ass, hard, and Kaidan asked, “Who’s punishing who, here?”

His lips curled, “So you are punishing me, then?”

***

And wasn’t this a surprising way for his night to end. Shepard seated on his lap, his cock fully sheathed inside him, and the man moaning and biting into his shoulder. He’s heavy, but it’s a hot, comforting weight on his thighs. Kaidan can’t get the deep, hard thrusts that he wants—that Shepard wants—from this angle, but this lets the other man control the pace, and there’s nothing more important to the Commander than control.

Shepard’s begging, moaning filthy things into his shoulder, a constant stream of “Fuck me, Kaidan, fuck me,” and he does his best to fuck up into the tight heat, against the spot that makes his head fall back and his eyes shut.

It’s a slick, precarious affair. Neither one of them can get a good enough grip on the other. Their torsos are drenched in sweat and Kaidan’s pubis is covered with the lube that Shepard haphazardly applied. They slide against each other, John’s legs extending and flexing, Kaidan’s hands holding tight against his hips.

They kiss, Shepard’s tongue in his mouth is wet and insistent, forceful as it claims his mouth. Their lips are wet and when they pull apart a thread of saliva connects them together. Shepard’s tight, he’s so fucking tight, and he tells him so, when he lifts himself up to start slamming himself down harder. His legs are spread obscenely wide, his hard cock pushing against Kaidan’s stomach, demanding his attention, just like the man in his lap.

He can’t come like this, and he knows Shepard can’t, either, because he’s starting to get frustrated, fingers digging harder into his shoulders and grunts getting louder. Kaidan lifts him up, half biotically and half physically, and puts him on his back. A protest dying on Shepard’s lips when Kaidan slammed back home. He moaned louder then, the Fuck me’ s getting deeper the faster he moved his hips.

The pressure started to build, low in his gut, his cock getting more sensitive the closer to the climax he got. He leaned up, grabbing Shepard’s cock and stroking it to take him with him over the edge. He ran his thumb over the head, pressing down, squeezing, and Shepard spilled, come covering Kaidan’s fist and his chest, and his walls pulling in on him deliciously tighter. A choked moan of Kaidan followed a quick sigh as he shook, then fell back into the bed with a groan.

That relaxed, boneless surrender is what finally pushed him over the edge. He buried his face in Shepard’s neck, breathing in his sweat, hot and thick, and coming deep inside him. It’s like a shot, his whole body shaking, before he allowed himself to collapse and relaxed into the warm body beneath him.

“I love you,” He said to him finally, after the sweat on his back had become uncomfortably cool.

Shepard tightened his arms around him, placed a kiss on his temple, sighing.

“You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know.”

“I love you, too,” Shepard said. Kaidan could feel his face pulling into a grin, and braced himself for what he knew would come next, “Daddy,”

Kaidan bit him.

Thanks for reading to the end, Cool Baby. I have more Mshenko on AO3, if you think that didn’t suck.

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

(1) Hello I am back!! I'm sorry it's been long, these past couple of weeks have had me swamped with homework :( and yet I still didn't do it all 🤡 also get ready for a bunch of messages because 1.) responses and 2.) my thoughts on Lockscreens. Spoiler: I am Emotional haha. Aww, thank you :') I used to think it was weird to give yourselves nicknames but I'm past that now haha. Another one I go by sometimes is "Lizard" because I stick my tongue out a lot when I'm talking??

(2) and people think I'm cold blooded because I get really cold easily and like to bask in the sun. I mostly just did traditonal sketches and a lot of screencap redraws. I want to get into art again, but I'm taking it slow for now and focusing more on my writing. And I feel that too LOL. I'm going to start a blog dedicated to reblogging x reader fics that I like because I'm too embarrassed to do so on my main blog (I tell all of your followers 🤡)

hey Honeymoon! as long as you’re taking care of yourself, that’s all I care about 💞 i’m gonna post my responses into two parts. a Lockscreens segment after you send in the rest of your thoughts and a get-to-know-you part for now!

(also I’M FROM CA TOO AND WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU SENDING ME MESSAGES AT 3AM OML)

ngl, i feel like the best person to give you a nickname is yourself! i jokingly gave myself the nickname ‘Daddy’ and that’s literally become my “rave” personality LMAO. but i can understand why some people think it’s weird 🤷 honestly lizard is a bad-ass nickname !! i’m the same way - being in the cold makes me sooo sleepy and i’d rather bask in the sun 😂

i’d love to see your artwork or writing sometime! please feel free to send it over 🥰

(3) Honestly even with all my issues it's kind of nice being a hopeless romantic! Like you said it gives me the chance to day dream haha. Maybe I have my head in the clouds a lot but sometimes it's nice to be there. There's so many, but I think it's a tie between enemies to lovers and friends to lovers. I love the drama and comedy from the former but I'm so Soft for the latter, and that's highkey how I want my relationship to start.

(4) I think building that bond with someone before you even start dating them is really sweet, and having that connection by the time you commit to each other is 💓 I'm sorry you've been having writers block, that's the worst :( if it helps, the past two chapters have turned out amazing, I love them so much!! I think the closest I got to hardcore shipping something that wasn't canon was RinHaru? But there was also a lot of tension and affection in their relationship so I could see it being canon

there’s nothing wrong with having dreams! just so long as you can ground yourself at the end of the day. 

enemies to lovers is always the funniest for me to read TBH. because it’s such an inevitable cliche haha. friends to lovers though -- oooo my heart. 

the best relationships start with friendship. it’s the most authentic imo. like for me, it’s exhausting bearing my heart open to new people each time i want to get involved with someone romantically. but having someone who already knows you inside out??? swoon. what about a trope you dislike?

ah tyty, i’m glad you enjoyed them! the writers’ block wasn’t too bad for these chapters. i’ve had them typed up for a few weeks now :’) 

rinharu is so cute though! but Harukoto (or whatever the ship name is tbh) is super cute too. but maybe i just really like the best friend to lovers trope LMAO

(5) I just looked at their insta and !!!!!!!!!! that's so cute! I like bokuaka but I've never looked into it as much as others, but their art made me have Feelings lol. I think that is a good view to have on family tbh. I've developed a relationship with my blood family and we're close, but there's something special about the relationships and love you have for people you choose to stay with. I love Tiana!! I think she's a really underrated Disney character :(

(6) She really encompasses Disney's message of working hard to achieve your dreams, and she's a strong, independent woman without being closed off and rejecting her feelings. I think it's so cute and cool that she had that much of an impact on you :D Oof, I get that 💀. Men are gross 🤢 I don't get it very often because I live in SoCal and tbh to a lot of other people brown just equals mexican lol. They're right but I really don't look full mexican. Portuguese and Islander people can tell though

bokuaka art makes me have ~ feelings ~ i also really like @/liann1009 and @/maddox_rider on IG! (tbh idk if they have a tumblr whoops) liann1009 does a lot of OiHina whereas maddox_rider does bokuaka which is ridiculously cute too 🥰 

DUDE OMG YES!!! Tiana and Kita (from Atlantis) are under-rated QUEENS who deserved better!! we need representation out here in this b*tch!!! 

idek why, but some people think i look hispanic 🙃 but yes bby, men are gross and should be better!! i have yet to meet a man who deserves to stand on equal ground to me, imma be real. (2d men don’t count but y’know). does it bother you when people mistake your ethnicity? 

(7) Thank you!! Ngl it's kind of scary wondering about what the industry is going to be like because I'm sure I will run into a lot of biased people and sources, but learning to navigate that is just part of the job. Of course there's people who will read biased sources and attack you too, but you can't always escape those people :/ and thank you love, you're so sweet 💕 That's really admirable! It takes a lot of work and creativity to start a business, I'm sure you'll be successful 😊

(8) what kind were you thinking of? and psych is super cool too! Having that understanding of people and the world can be really eye opening and fun :D It's okay, he was one of my favorite teachers but looking back he was an asshole. He had his good/funny moments and did a lot for me, but he also abused some of editors in my journalism class, and some friends of mine :/ He wouldn't appreciate their work, sometimes insult them, and even encouraged my friend to not sleep for the sake of the paper

i’m positive that you’ll do just fine once you get out there! it seems like you have a pretty thick skin :) 

i really wanted to open a business to help support under-represented groups receive an education - with major focus on minority groups such as orphans/foster children, veterans, and the homeless. there’s so much logistics that tbh i’m too ~stressed~ to think about so i’m tabling that for awhile :’) 

bruhhh fuck that teacher. drop his addy, i just wanna talk real q 💞   if you can’t support all of your students, then there is no point in being a professor!! there is literally 0 reason to be rude when you’re in a position of power, especially when it involves someone’s passion, career, and/or education.

(9) I just remembered that there's a limit to how many asks you can send in a certain amount of time so if these suddenly stop I'm sorry! I'll come back when I can haha. I wouldn't say I'm all that great tbh, but I'm proud of a lot of my works LOL. My favorite part about it is using makeup and tools to just turn into something else. Wounds are always fun, but making yourself a gargoyle or some other creature is what makes it so interesting to me.

(11) I'm OBSESSED with the makeup and costumes from LOTR. It's my biggest inspiration. I can go on about it haha. That's so cool!! Being a part of the whole production, especially all sides to it, sounds so fun. Do you have any favorite memories from your time in high school? I'd love to hear them if you have any :O Confession: I have never seen any of those asdfkljvk. I know I really should though and it's on my to do list ! I've heard really great things about all of them !

imma be real, i didnt know there was a limits on asks LMAO. i did hear that they sometimes get eaten though, so i really hope that doesn’t happen 😅 

we all start somewhere. your first step will never look like someone else’s, nor should it. as long as it’s something that you can look back upon and be proud of and know that you’ve grown from, that’s all that matters! 

just imagining someone using makeup to turn themselves into a gargoyle has my head spinning  🤣 like ya girl can barely do her eye-makeup, let alone anything as intense as that! what’s been the most difficult project? 

DUDE, I LOVE MEDIEVAL-HISTORICAL WORKS! like the dresses from that Mary from Reign wears has my heart so softtttt. dfsnosdf. please!! tell me some of your fav things about LOTR  💖

omg high-school was so long ago, i don’t think i have any favorite memories from it 🙃 i think the opening night of a production would be the best. listening to the audiences reactions as the performers left their hearts on-stage, seeing all the pieces fall together, that was always absolutely incredible. wbu, what did you enjoy about hs? 

i have very strong opinions on those musicals LMAO. i can talk about them forever  🤩

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter 6 - Blood Type

Did you guess that this chapter opened up with Weirdo stalking Bella? Because you guessed totally right.

Our ‘hero’ is going on about how he spends the entire day of school watching Bella through the surface thoughts of other people. See, it’s totally okay for Eddie to use people as his own personal Bella CCTV, because they are paltry and insiginificant hoomans. Who cares that it’s extremely creepy and invasive not just to Bella, but to the people who’s heads Eddie has decided to hijack. It’s not as if they matter anyway, right? 

He shits on both Mike and Jessica again and I’ve already ranted at length about why neither of them deserve it, so I’m not gonna do it again. But I am gonna talk about Angela. I don’t like Angela. It’s not really her fault that I don’t like her. She’s soft spoken and sweet and kind, but the problem that I have with Angela is the same problem that I have with Esme. She exists to be a soft, fragile woman, hand-wringing and the only ‘good’ friend that Bella has. She doesn’t actually have a personality to speak of. 

And now at lunch, Eddie is TRYING SO HARD to set up a red herring about why Bella is Looking Sad after glancing at the table he’s usually sat at. He goes on for like a whole ass paragraph wondering if she’s sad because she’s gonna miss the stupid dance that she’s made perfectly clear she doesn’t want to go to. He’s supposed to be an uber smart Pire with a brain so much bigger than mine, but the thing is? I can use fucking context clues to understand that Bella looked at the Cullen table, noticed that Eddie wasn’t there, and then looked sad because he wasn’t there.

See, Eddie. I don’t need your stupid mind-reading powers to figure shit out.

I'd never paid much attention to a human's diet before.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. YOU WERE A FUCKING HUMAN BEING LIKE A CENTURY AGO. Yes, I give you that diets and shit have changed since you needed to eat food, but the fact still stands that you absolutely had to eat food yourself at one time. AND YOU HAVE TWO MEDICAL DEGREES ON TOP OF THAT. If you were, like, in your fucking 500s or something, I might buy this bullshit (excluding the fact that you have two medical degrees). But you aren’t. You died in, like, 1901. 

I motioned with my finger for her to join me.

Small point for SM and Midnight Sun here. In Twilight, when this scene happened, Bella said that he lifted his hand and twisted his wrist and like, crooked his finger in a gesturing motion and it was way too many words just to say ‘he motioned me over with his finger’ or ‘he beckoned me over’. At least this book didn’t pull that shit just to pad out the word count. This time.

"Why don't you sit with me today?"

A nitpick, if you will. The way that Eddie boy phrases this question makes it feel a lot more like a command. He isn’t asking if Bella wants to sit with him. He’s not really leaving that clear No option open for her with this phrasing. It feels extremely controlling and based on what we know about Eddie and his controlling tendencies as a boyfriend, I don’t like it.

Eddie and Bella are talking, all the while Eddie is going on about how he’s SO DANGEROUS and shouldn’t be friends with Bella and how part of him wishes she would just get up and leave because that would be safer for her. 

Hey, Eddie. Why don’t you get up and leave, you pissant? Sure, he’s going on and on about how it’s hard to stay away from her and how he’s so IN LUV with her, but dude? If you genuinely think you’re dangerous and shouldn’t be around her DON’T BE AROUND HER. You can’t pull this stupid shit where you go on and on about how she shouldn’t wanna be your friend or be around you while also asking her to eat lunch with you and hanging around her and STALKING HER AND SNEAKING INTO HER BEDROOM AT NIGHT. You don’t get to have it both ways.

"What are you thinking?"

NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS DUDE! IF SHE WANTED TO FUCKING TELL YOU WHATS ON HER MIND, SHE WOULD! GOD FUCK OFF.

Right. Okay. I’m good. Caplocks off.

Ugh.

^^^ That is actually written in the book. And not as dialogue, either. It’s thought. It’s Edward’s thought and inner monologue. Wanna know why that sucks? There are a lot of reasons but the biggest one is this: SM goes out of her way to make it seem like Eddie is so old-fashioned and fancy. She makes him say some of the most ridiculous things in the interest of making it clear to us, the readers, that he is sophisticated. The Pire that is 109 and talks like a Walmart Brand Mr. Darcy just thought ‘ugh’. 

I chided her

STOP with the creepy fucking paternal imagry. God, I am not a psychologist, and I would never presume to assume anything about anyone, but the way SM writes Edward and Bella’s relationship (and really all of the relationships in this series) reeks of Daddy Issues.

Mr. Banner was blood typing today.

This is absolutely fucking bonkers to me, and in the original Twilight, it was only an excuse for Bella to show of her FEAR of blood. Her ridiculous fear that was off the charts and over the top. They were just doing cell division, like, two days ago? And now they’re blood typing. And instead of theoritically doing so, they’re blood typing the actual students. Without written permission slips or warning anyone who might actually have issues with blood or needles in order to let them opt out. This isn’t how high school curriculam works, and it is absolutely not realistic. Even if it’s just a special one off thing, you can’t just stab kids with needles without parental consent.

but I wasn't hearing Debussy's notes for long

Bitch I fucking CALLED IT that he was listening to that Debussy song that first time he mentioned his favorite CD. Brownie points to me.

I wasn't going to stand around arguing with the wretch.

Leave Mike Newton ALONE, dude. And ‘the wretch’ is real rich coming from the guy who thought ‘Ugh’ a few paragraphs back.

Anyway, Bella got so sick and dizzy from one little drop of blood that she’s about to pass out on the sidewalk. It was stupid in Twilight and it’s stupid here. If Mike had lost an arm and was just pulsating blood? Sure, I’d buy the reaction, but a little tiny prick on the finger? And he sits like a couple of tables away from her? It’s an over the top reaction and if I was anyone in that class, I would think she’s doing it for attention. 

Eddie just eats this shit up, though. Because its an excuse to fawn all over Bella and be a big strong man to rescue her. 

The ‘I usually am’ in response to Bella saying Eddie was right about something made me see red for a minute. I fucking HATE this pompous, stuck up, douche canoe. 

"People can't smell blood."

Good news, guys. I’m a vampire. I know this because I, too, can smell blood. I am now sparkley and Better Than You. So it is written.

But in all seriousness? Ed? You’re a fucking moron. 

Anyway, Bella gets out of going to gym by ‘looking pale’ and Eddie comes to the conclusion that we have all figured out long before this that Bella thinks Eddie is attractive. Bella goes against Mike’s clear wishes not to invite Eddie to the beach with them, and invites him anyway, but because it’s La Push and, ya know, Werewoofs, Eddie can’t go to there. But instead of just saying he has plans or doesn’t like the beach or something, he just shits all over Mike some more and it makes me angry. 

I was almost angry that she was leaving me.

Okay, I’m gonna level with you guys and share something personal. I had a really possessive boyfriend in college. Like, had to check in, let him know where I was and who I was with and all of that shit. He got mad at me if he didn’t hear from me for a while and was constantly accusing me of cheating on him and shit. That line right there? That like really freaks me out and gives me flashbacks to that terrible relationship. This is a red flag if I’ve ever seen one. Things like this are why people say that Edward Cullen is an abusive boyfriend.

And right after this line, he’s fucking dragging her to his car and insisting that he drive her home. It’s just creepy, guys. It’s all the warning signs that someone could ever need about someone, but it’s being treated as this loving relationship and it just makes me so uncomfortable. 

There is something I wanna say in regards to Eddie. As a character, it’s okay for him to be kind of an asshole. There’s room for growth in that, there’s something for the character to strive to change. But his behavior is painted in this light that makes it seem like he’s wonderful and amazing, all rose colored love fantasy, and so he never changes and never learned to be a better person. And the shades of abuse are there, not even hidden in subtext but overt, and that is why I hate Edward so much. Not because he’s an asshole, but because I’m supposed to like him just the way he is, and not hope that he changes for the better.

The way that Bella talks about her mom makes me mad. That’s more of a rant for Twilight, but even just the things she says out loud are annoying. She talks about the woman like she’s incapable of taking care of herself, despite the fact that the woman raised her for 16 years. In Twilight it’s worse, because when she even bothers to think about Renee at all, she’s talking down about her.

They’re in front of Bella’s house having a dumb conversation about Eddie being DaNgErOuS again, and I want to puke with how heavy handed the ‘romance’ is supposed to be. Bella is like ‘i don’t care if you want to murder me and leave my corpse out in the woods’ and Ed is like ‘well... actually...’ and I hate that I’m supposed to think that they’re in love.

They’re having some more inane small talk. Literally this entire relationship is just small talk until they get to the sparkley meadow and make out a little, and then it’s ‘i would die for you and love you so much and you’re my everything’ like zero to sixty. I will admit that I fell for my partner really quickly, but we also talked about more than the fucking weather and our families. We had actual meaningful conversations and got to know one another.

This chapter ends with Eddie telling Bella to be careful at the beach (like any good father would) and laughing at her when she gets annoyed about it. The fact that he laughs at her expressing annoyance pisses me off. And he calls her an angry kitten again. 

God, but I hate this asshole. 

That’s chapter six, guys. Feel free to reach out in messages and DMs if you wanna chat, or if you have any recommendations for what my next book recap should be. Feel free to buy me a snack, my CashApp cash tag is in my bio. Until next time!

[bettycrocker]

alongside with mary, a lot of people seem to think im giving robert a free pass too. while robert definitely isnt as bad at joseph in the sense of being an absolute asshole he's still got his own issues to deal with.

roberts hard to find a lot of issues with, considering he does want to better himself while, compared to joseph who just avoided really taking any responsibility for his actions. robert at the very least realized "hey im kind of being an asshole."

he has a pretty good reason to not be trusting of people as joseph did use him and then leave him the same way he used the main daddy, just he went at robert when he was in a much more vulnerable state. i genuinely feel like robert went to him in his time of need after losing his wife and losing contact with his daugher when she went off to college. robert had started having issues before his wife died which is why he had such a poor relationship with his daughter and why she just straight up bailed on him when her mother died.

we don't really have any reason for what his issues were prior to his wife dying though. maybe that was around the time where he felt the dover ghost stalking him and his paranoia got the better of him. he started drowning it out by drinking and collecting an assortment of knives in order to protect himself in the case of being attacked by whatever he thought was stalking him. what we do know is that we can assume he has some mental illnesses of his own that started developing close to when his wife died.

robert probably wouldn't go to joseph of his own accord for comfort, joseph probaly went to him when he noticed his fragile state and insisted on helping him. thats when they started becoming close. joseph would treat him with a type of kindness he hadn't felt since his issues surfaced, even his wife was likely to be wary of him before death so she probably didn't show him any kind of warmth. but joseph did, the only one who would listen to him and comfort him in the state he was in.

joseph would probably go on cryptid hunts with him just to humor him and even gave him his blue sweater during one of those hunts. im sure none of the rest of the neighborhood really thought about it being anything deep, hell joseph was probably putting on that guise of "oh i have marital issues with my wife thats why im not spending time with her" in front of robert too. and i'd say after several months joseph got robert on his yacht and slept with him telling him that he and his wife were through, that it was fine, being fully aware that robert was probably ready to try and move on from the death of his wife.

of course, this backfired on robert. when robert tried to even hang out with joseph, joseph probably dropped the "oh im actually staying with my wife haha" but robert isnt exactly stupid. he probably saw right through it, immediately pieced it together that joseph straight up used him for sex. in which case he returned the sweater, angrily, and made a point to avoid joseph without it being apparent that they had been involved in something. he shouldn't have slept with joseph until he had 100% confirmation that he and mary were through, but like i said, he was still at a fragile state and joseph had been playing it up for months like he wanted robert more than he wanted to stay in his marriage with mary.

and this most definitely brought on a new wave of paranoia and anxiety, his drinking made a huge comeback in his life and he picked up even more bad habits of the such. he'd hang out at jim and kims every night, going out on the town and acting like an irresponsible teenager because he just didn't care anymore. he decided his life wasn't going anywhere anymore.

his sense of humor turned into that of weaving lies and tricking people and he got way too good at it for his own good. he was able to stay cool and calm on the outside because his bad habits were hardly affecting him anymore, i mean if you haven't noticed he's surprisingly aware when hes drunk.

and of couse at jim and kims is where he ends up meeting mary, josephs wife. i can't say he'd be angry at her for not letting joseph go because like i said before, he's smart he probably figured out josephs entire scheme immediately after getting dumped. so instead he most likely apologized to her, admitted everything to her when joseph didn't. and then they became drinking buddies, most likely through talking shit about joseph, and then expanding it to just being flat out friends. she helped him find someone to care about again, but he wasn't going to delv into anything romantic yet. one night stands, sure, but that would most likely be to test whos going to use him for his body and who isnt.

and yes, robert would absolutely test for that kind of thing. he doesn't want another joseph situation on his hand, he doesn't want to get attached and then get dumped to the curb by someone he truly cares about. he doesn't want to be used exclusively for sex because to him a real relationship should be deeper than that. you and your partner should be best friends, should be able to share everything with each other, be comfortable in complete silence when you're together. he's a man who cares about being with a best friend over someone who gives him a good fuck which is something i can really relate with as someone who gets uncomfortable with hyper-romantic situations.

this is why robert doesn't respond to you again if you have sex with him on the first night. he feels like you were just there for the sex and nothing else. it definitely had something to do with joseph sleeping with him and then tossing him away. is it right of him to assume something to dramatic? hell no, he should give main character daddy a chance but because he's been hurt in the past he has trouble opening up and having just casual sex with somebody. i don't want to say its a form of PTSD but it can definitely relate to something along those lines.

robert sees himself as a direct man, he thinks people can read his mind, tell when he's kidding and tell when he's looking for something deeper. but he doesn't seem to realize if he doesn't at least hint at what he wants, he'll never find the happiness he feels that everyone can see he wants. he's not at fault for that, but it's certainly not the way he should be going about it. i can give him cookie points for effort but this type of lack of communication can be damaging for not only himself but for anyone whos genuinely interested in being in a relationship with him.

at the very least, hes a man who's willing to pull himself together for you and for his daughter which is actually an incredible feat for what he's been through. having his wife die, his daughter leave, being the 'other person' in a cheating relationship of a youth minister, and drinking to numb whatever's biting at him at the time.

robert small is a paranoid, broken man who feels like he's being stalked by the dover ghost, which is basically what joseph embodies. he feels like joseph is watching him squirm over what he did to him, he's angry at joseph because he can't undo his mistake of sleeping with a married man, he's angry at joseph for leading him on right after he lost so much. even worse, he's angry at you for even trusting joseph and not even trying to heed what he has to say. he's angry at you for not seeing what he can see. he's angriest at himself for not being able to properly elaborate on why he doesn't trust or even like joseph. he puts on a happy face for the rest of the neighborhood when theyre all around joseph and lies to himself just to pretend like it never happened.

not to mention if you consider the cult ending canon, joseph probably gave robert the stick and poke cult tattoo on his hand and pulled him into the cult. of course, like i said, robert isnt stupid and he probably bailed.

its a good thing that he wants to try being honest with himself and fix his issues. he's working on himself, for you and for his daughter. we were led to believe that robert was just going to be an edgy bad dad when in reality, he's been hurt severely by someone he thought he could trust.

robert, while he has communication issues, is trying to work on himself and wants to do his best to be honest and open with main daddy and thats what matters in the long run. he wants to be a good man so he's going to be it.