#Flight Surgeon Course

[natsunes]

im sorry but this joke from yo ni mo kimyou na monogatari 2013 kills me every time. the guy on the plane who responds when asked if anyone on the plane is an anaesthesiologist (masuii) and ends up participating in emergency surgery despite actually being a manga editor. hes just called masui. its his name. nothing can convey the emotion of tada no masui da (pictured above)

[firewasabeast]

Prompt: tommy breakdown after buck goes through something traumatic, not right after. When buck is all good, tommy starts to shut down, and after a while buck notices and comforts him. Okay thats a long one sorry lol

This is probably not exactly what you wanted, but hopefully it's close enough! This fic features lots of snuggles.

Tommy stayed calm when he heard a firefighter had been seriously injured and air support was needed. He didn't panic when Chimney was the one to start relaying information to him and the flight medics. Even when he heard the words “Firefighter Evan Buckley of the 118” and “impaled” he focused on getting the bird from point A to point B.

When he landed the chopper, Tommy stared straight ahead and let the medics do whatever needed to be done to get Evan ready for transport.

He thought he heard Chimney ask if he should really be the one flying right now. He wanted to say, “Who else is gonna do it? I'm the only pilot here.”

Instead, he simply replied with a yes, then took off with the knowledge that his Evan was being worked on behind him.

He didn't ask how the patient was doing. He didn't listen to whatever the medics said. He did his job and got them to the hospital.

He didn't see Evan's injury until the surgeon met them at the helipad. A large metal rod sticking out of his abdomen. His turnouts had been pulled off of him, undershirt cut open. Blood, both dry and fresh, covering his body.

He had a pulse. Tommy did hear that.

But he looked lifeless.

He looked-

Tommy stopped himself from going there. He heard his coworkers say something about sending another pilot to pick up the chopper. That Tommy should go to the waiting room. He was the emergency contact anyway.

Tommy went. Sat and waited and waited, staring at the white and mint green wall in front of him. At some point, the rest of the 118 filtered in. Then Maddie, Karen, and Athena.

Eddie was on one side of him, Maddie on the other.

He looked down once to find coffee in his hand, but wasn't sure how it got there or who gave it to him.

Eventually, Evan came out of surgery. A success, the doctor said. It'd be a long recovery, but he'd make it.

The first time Evan opened his eyes, Tommy was beside him holding his hand. When Evan's face lit up into a smile, Tommy felt like his whole world just got put back together.

He stayed by Evan's side throughout recovery. Had to be forced into going home for a few hours every couple days for some real food and rest.

Tommy wasn't one for using his sick time, or his vacation time, so he used up what he could once Evan was home so he could continue to care for him until he was fully healed.

It took time, but eventually Evan got to the point where he could return to work on light duty. He couldn't go out on calls, but he could help around the station. After a couple months of barely leaving the house, he was more than ready to deal with paperwork, and cleaning, and cooking.

Three weeks after that, he was fully cleared. In one week, he'd be going out on calls again. Everything would be back to normal. When Evan called him with the news after his doctor's appointment, Tommy had congratulated him. Had picked up a cake after work and they'd celebrated together.

And then Tommy stayed awake all night long.

Evan curled up beside him, softly snoring with his breath hot on Tommy's side. Tommy's hand rubbed up and down his back all night. Right over his newest scar. He had a matching one on his abdomen. Right where the rod stabbed through his body and almost took his life.

No, Tommy didn't sleep that night.

He felt nauseous the next day. Evan noticed, of course, because Tommy was obsessed with his risotto and could barely get half of it down.

“You okay?” Buck asked as they cleared the table.

“Yeah, I think I might be getting a cold or something,” Tommy reasoned. “Sorry.”

Buck smiled at him even as he raised a hand to Tommy's forehead. “You don't have to be sorry for not feeling well. I don't feel a fever.” He moved his hands to Tommy's cheeks, then his neck, then ran his hands down his arms. Tommy knew the drill. The mere mention of not feeling one hundred percent would send Evan into a spiral, even if he did try to keep his face as nonchalant as possible.

“You feeling any congestion? Sore throat? Chills? Fatigue?”

Tommy took a step forward, rested his hands on Buck's cheeks and leaned in, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I'm okay, Baby. Probably just tired.”

When they went to bed a few hours later, Tommy slept. For a couple hours, at least. He wished he hadn't though, because the nightmare he had felt more graphic than seeing Evan get taken away by the surgeon.

He woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. Thankfully, Evan was out like a light. Tommy got up and headed into the bathroom, turning on the sink to splash some cold water on his face.

He grabbed a washcloth and wet it, wiping the sweat off of him. Then, he pulled off his sweatpants and put on a new pair before getting back into bed.

Once he was back under the covers, he reached over and scooted his hand underneath Evan's body, nudging him until he turned and laid nearly half of his body directly on top of Tommy.

Tommy tugged the covers up until they were over Evan's shoulders, then he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.

Evan smacked a couple times, burrowing his head further into Tommy's neck. Tommy closed his eyes, breathed him in. Felt Evan's heartbeat against his chest. Listened as his breathing evened back out.

He closed his eyes, but he didn't fall back to sleep.

The next day they both had work, but Tommy ended up getting distracted so many times that his captain wouldn't let him fly. Tommy couldn't even argue with the decision.

They next day, when they both got off shift, Evan arrived a little later than Tommy with burritos in hand.

“They're from your favorite food truck,” Buck told him with a smile. “You haven't been eating much lately, so I wanted you to have something good.”

Tommy didn't have the heart to tell him that the thought of eating made him feel like throwing up. He choked down every single bite of his burrito, then managed to pull Evan into the bedroom for a nap.

Well, sex first, then a nap.

As he laid on Evan's chest, one arm curled up beside him and the other over Evan's pec, he glanced down at the scar. How it raised ever so slightly from the rest of his skin, bright pink against the white.

His chest ached. His eyes burned. The call that he'd forced in one ear and out the other repeated over and over now. “We need an ETA on air support on the Marriott fire downtown! Firefighter Evan Buckley of the 118 has been seriously injured. He fell and was impaled by a metal object. Goes through to his back. Unclear at this time if any major organs were hit, but he's losing a lot of blood and his heartbeat is irregular.”

Tommy didn't realize he'd started crying until Evan stiffened underneath him.

“Tommy?” he asked, his voice soft but concerned. “Babe, what's wrong?” He tried to move them so he could look at Tommy, but Tommy just clung onto him tighter.

He squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a stunted, shaky breath. “Nothing. S'nothing.”

“Well th- that's obviously not true.” He ran his hands through Tommy's hair, then over his shoulders and down his back. “Come on, talk to me. Please.”

Tommy gave himself a second to calm down. He wiped his eyes before he slowly sat up to face Evan. Evan scooted up the bed so he was leaning against the headboard. He took Tommy's hand, moving his head to meet Tommy's eyes as he tried to look away. “Tommy.” He gave his hand a squeeze. “Please, I'm worried.”

“I... I was so scared.” He breathed out the words like he was admitting to some wrongdoing. “Evan, when you... When I heard it was you over the radio, I was terrified.”

Buck pulled Tommy toward him, wrapping him back up in his arms. “I knew something was wrong. I talked to Cap about it. He said not to push.”

“I was trying to be strong for you. I'm not the one who got hurt.”

“You don't ever have to be strong for me, Tommy. You're allowed to feel things.”

Tommy leaned back enough to be able to look at Evan. “I just put myself in survival mode,” he said. “It was all about getting you better. I could focus on that and not worry about anything else. But, now that you are better- which I'm very thankful for- it's... it scares me. I don't ever wanna see you like that again.”

“Me getting the all clear is what did it, isn't it?”

Tommy nodded. “I think it's always been there, the fear. But it definitely got worse as soon as I found out.”

“Why didn't you tell me, Tommy? We're supposed to- to share stuff like this with each other.”

“I didn't want you to think I wasn't supportive of you going back to work. Because I am supportive of it. I know you're excited, and I'm excited for you. I just- I really love you, Evan.”

Buck smiled. He leaned over and pressed his lips to Tommy's in a chaste kiss. “I really love you, Tommy.”

Tommy pulled Evan to him this time, holding him in his arms. “I have no doubt that you'll be as safe as you can possibly be,” Tommy said, his hand finding its way to the scar on Evan's back. “But I'm gonna be worried for a while.”

“I think that means you care,” Buck teased.

“I really, really care.”

“I like that you care.” Buck smacked a kiss onto Tommy's chest. “If it helps, I worry about you every time I hear you're going up.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He thought about it for a second. “It does help.”

Buck smiled against his skin. “Good. You think you can sleep now?”

Tommy scooted down until his head rested against the pillow, his and Evan's legs tangling together. “I think I can try.”

[meangirltogoodgirls]

the only surgeon you could find in your budget was out of state, so i agreed to let you crash at my place nearby while you recovered from top surgery. i picked you up from the airport, joked around as we waited in baggage claim. you felt comfortable.

it wasn't until we got to the car that you started to get nervous. i'd stopped smiling and laughing as much, gone quiet. inside the car, the drive was silent. you started to get goosebumps.

when i pulled off the highway onto an empty rural road, you started sweating. when i parked, you panicked.

i put a stop to that.

finally, i got you calmed down and i explained the situation. in short, you had a very simple choice. you could strip naked and lock your clothing in the trunk for the remainder of the drive, or you could find another ride and place to stay. outside, it started to rain.

you cried and threatened and screamed and cried some more. of course. but what could you do, really? you'd put yourself in a very vulnerable position and we both knew it.

when you got back in the passenger seat, you were shaking so hard your tits were jiggling. it would be such a pleasant view as we drove for hours out to my home in the country. you told me you put in for 3 weeks' off from work. just enough time to teach you why transitioning isn't the right choice for you. i've got a feeling you might be missing your flight back, though.

[writingquestionsanswered]

do u have any sort of website that can tell me jobs in a small town? trying to write a story set in a small town but i cant come up with any ideas for jobs apart from the essential ones like police or hospital

Jobs in a Small Town

Government: mayor, city manager, city council member, city attorney, city clerk, code enforcement officer, customer service representative, finance director, fire chief/firefighter, paramedic, human resources manager, information technology department, librarian, municipal court clerk/administrator/judicial specialist/court security officer, parks and recreation director, planning and zoning director, police chief/officer or sheriff/deputy, public works director, utilities clerk, wastewater plant operator

Business: business owner/operator or employee (such as a clerk, receptionist, manager, or administrator) at a shop, restaurant, cafe, gas station, mechanic, tow truck, locksmith, landscaper/lawn care, handyman, florist, funeral home, pool cleaner, daycare center, grocery store, feed and pet store, car dealership, clothing boutique, ice cream parlor, liquor store, bar, nightclub, community theater, "big box store" (like Walmart), warehouse store (like Costco), movie theater, mini-golf course

Medical Services: hospital (administration, doctor, surgeon, nurse practitioner, nurse, nurse's aide, respiratory therapist, anesthesiologist, orderly, receptionist, lab worker, security, etc.) Doctor's office or urgent care (administration, doctor, nurse, nurse practitioner, receptionist, etc.) Dentist or orthodontist (administration, dentist/orthodontist, dental assistant, orthodontic assistant, receptionist, etc.) Nursing home/assisted living facility (administration, doctor, nurse, orderly, etc.)

Random: country club employee, dog walker, babysitter/nanny, home nurse, museum director/curator/specialist/employee, town archaeologist (if area is rich in history), industrial jobs (mining, factories/manufacturing, farming/crop production, fishing/fisheries), wedding coordinator, convention center director, attorney, judge, taxi driver, utility repair technician, railway worker, bus driver, school jobs (principal, teacher, teacher's aide, librarian, cafeteria worker, counselor, security officer, custodian), airport jobs (administrative, security, service provider/employee, airline worker, pilot, flight attendant, plane mechanic)

That's all I've got at the moment, but keep an eye on the comments in case others come up with ideas! :)

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[therealslimshakespeare]

WIP teaser

I got myself a lovely little request over a week ago for a Nurse!xBuck fic. Well, hi, it’s me, can’t not take that and run with it straight off the edge of the known world. I don’t even have a fixed name for it yet but I’ve been enjoying AU-ing our familiar faves to death with it

MOTA Pacific Theatre AU: yeah, you heard that right. Maybe it’s the anniversary of Iwo Jima currently happening or maybe it’s my ongoing crush on Ensign Jane Kendeigh, or -more likely- my subconscious awareness that nurse OC’s are a pretty favorited bunch for fandom writers, so I’ve found myself mixing it up entirely.

We’ve got Navy Flight Nurses and we’ve got Lt. Commander Doc Egan and co-pilots Cleven and Demarco who aren’t too fond of having to fly cargo planes full of wounded out of war zones all due to flight surgeon John Egan’s special request to have Cleven chauffeur him around. Oh yeah, and somehere in here there’s a developing thing between Cleven x oc Nurse!Ensign Maureen Kendeigh

TW: blood? Use of the word “Jap”

…

“You got it, commander.”

More than a little sure her mission was more provoking than necessary, Maureen still obeyed and followed Brady up the length of the plane and towards his station, then past it to poke her head between the pilots’ seats.

“Well, well, this is a pleasant surprise, getting car sick, kiddo?” Demarco joked, “Hey, I get it, I’d find it hell back there with no windows to look out.”

“Those mortars obligingly made a few.” Maureen joked back.

“Anybody hurt?” Cleven asked, and to her surprise, he turned from his panel to look at her with unmasked concern.

A joke was ready made there about everyone quite literally being shot to hell but she sensed he’d not appreciate it and following some uninterpreted impulse of desiring his good opinion, she hardly wished to repay his earnestness with flippancy. “Only one.”

“How bad?”

“He looked -dead.” Maureen admitted, she hadn’t gotten a good look at the man moving past him but she’d seen Egan’s treatment of the body and it wasn’t promising.

Cleven’s jaw worked overtime at the news and something snapped in his mouth, followed by a soft curse from lips too full and soft to always be so stern. Maureen thought he may have broken a tooth with all that tension but he spit out two halves of a bloodied toothpick instead. It fell to his pant leg.

“Major Cleven, sir, you’re bleeding.” It had drawn Maureen’s attention to his wet lap.

“That’s what I said.” Demarco agreed.

“It’s somebody else’s.” Cleven shook his head.

“You know if you pass out on me-“ Demarco warned, completely ignoring Cleven’s denial.

“-that’s why we’ve got co-pilots.” Cleven finished for him with a maddening smirk that made Benny Demarco throw his hands up.

“Can you check him?” he asked, “I mean -you are a nurse!”

“What? Hell no!” Major Cleven spooked for the first time all day at the suggestion, glancing quickly from his reddened trousers, behind him to Maureen Kendeigh, and back again. “I’m fine.” he declared in a firm tone that dettered her almost as much as the challenge of getting over the instruments and a steering column to pull down his pants and look. “Ensign Kendeigh, was there a purpose to your visit?” He redirected, resolutely ignoring Demarco’s unabated concerns.

“Yes sir,” she replied, meekly as she could, “Doc Egan asked me to remind you that you’re not flying a bomber. To mind the oxygen, sir. And that it’s cold.”

Cleven let out a mirthless little laugh. “We’re full of holes Ensign, of course it’s cold.”

“I know sir.”

“Yeah, ‘course you know,” his eyes lightened for a moment and Maureen almost deluded herself he was being chummy when he murmured next, “you’re smart like that. Tell the Lieutenant Commander I’ll keep her nice and low, so low the Jap navy gunners can blow the floor out without a sweat.”

“Thank you, Major.” Maureen chirped, pleased to have been trusted with a bit of morbid humor -it was the truest test of being taken seriously a woman could hope for in the service.

“Thank you, Ensign.” And with that she was dismissed.

[pancakesanddiatribes]

in a manner of speaking

heyyyy there, i finally managed to finish this little piece that has been in my mind for a while. in my head, this is what happened to japril after they leave for interviews in 8x20. i really am enjoying writing this snippets so much; of course, life happens so I can't be as quick as i'd want to, but still i hope you enjoy it 🫶🏻

thank youuuuuuu

here a little preview for you 💗

"You know what? If they never send your suitcase back, I’ll contact the Foundation’s best lawyer and we’ll sue them for two million dollars. Maybe this is your chance to become a rich, handsome surgeon like me," he joked, and the sneering ha-ha she served him in return confirmed the mood had lightened at last.

in a manner of speaking

"This is already going badly. This is a sign from above; I'm telling you, Jackson" — he looked at her, half amused, half concerned — "I am telling you! I don't have my folders, thanks to Cristina, and now I don't even have my good suit, thanks to the stupid airline, or the flight attendant, or whatever incompetent baggage handler was supposed to look after my—"

"April! April, calm down! You're going to give yourself a heart attack. Actually, you're going to give ME a heart attack! Please, let's take a break for a moment."

He was a bit frustrated but not truly angry. Jackson knew well that she was the anxious type, so it only made sense that she would freak out when her suitcase was slightly delayed. We know it’s an inconvenience, ma’am, but we’ll send it to your hotel later tonight. You and your belongings will be reunited by 7 a.m. tomorrow at the latest, we promise.

Of course, that promise meant absolutely nothing to April, who had already contemplated the possibility of being interviewed in her underwear. What thought process had led her to consider that scenario even remotely plausible? Jackson had no idea.

"April, listen to me," he said, slowly stroking her shoulders. "There’s nothing more we can get from them. Let’s check in at the hotel and grab something to eat. We can order takeout or stop at a place nearby—either works for me. Your call."

"Takeout," she said, defeat in her voice, her big eyes slightly downturned. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, really. You've got your big interview tomorrow, too. It’s just... why do these things always happen to me? What if my suitcase never arrives?"

"You know what? If they never send your suitcase back, I’ll contact the Foundation’s best lawyer and we’ll sue them for two million dollars. Maybe this is your chance to become a rich, handsome surgeon like me," he joked, and the sneering ha-ha she served him in return confirmed the mood had lightened at last.

When they entered the hotel lobby, April was definitely calmer; still worried about her perfect interview suit being missing, of course, but now more focused on the food they were about to order in a few minutes.

"Good evening, Mr.—"

"Dr. Avery, and this is Dr. Kepner. We have two rooms booked for tonight."

"Yes, I see the bookings here," the receptionist said. "As requested, the rooms are on the same floor. In fact, they’re right next to each other." She added, after checking their IDs and handing them two keycards.

April chuckled as they walked toward the elevator.

"I bet you regret asking for the rooms to be on the same floor now. What if I go nuts in the middle of the night and come banging at your door, screaming for my suitcase?"

"In that case, I’ll double-lock myself in so I’m not assaulted by a crazy woman with no clean clothes."

"Oh my God, I don’t have any clean clothes! I don’t even have my night socks!" she exclaimed, her voice rising an octave—again.

"I don’t know about night socks, but I’ve got an extra pair of regular socks you can borrow. And also a pair of jogging shorts and a t-shirt, if you want. They’re not your size, for sure, but you just need them to sleep in, not to do a fashion show so..."

"Thank you, Jackson. I’m not really in a position to refuse any clean clothes. They’ll do their job fan-ta-sti-cal-ly."

Once they reached their floor, she entered Jackson’s room and waited for him to search through his suitcase. It didn’t take long though; he packed his stuff so neatly that April had to roll her eyes.

"Nice, there are plenty of takeout flyers here - she indicated the bedsite table - How do you feel about pizza?"

"Pizza will certainly do", he replied as he handed her the clothes.

She took them a bit too fiercefully and he laughed a little, "Perfect, you're calling then - I now have a date with the shower. The usual is fine for me, Jackson!", he heard her say while closing his bedroom's door.

"We can never be bored here", he muttered under his breath, and looked for the pizza flyer.

When he knocked on her door half an hour later, she was showered and dressed. Well, covered at least. His shorts looked a bit ridiculous on her, but she wasn’t really paying attention to her appearance. "Finally. Were you making the pizza from scratch?", her impatience evident. "Hey, you’re only dressed because of me and you’re only going to eat because I called for the pizza. I deserve some respect here."

He entered her room with the pizza in one hand and a bottle of red in the other. "Pizza and wine? Where did you get that?" "At the hotel bar. And shush, I don't want to hear any complaints: if you know how to select the right one, wine can go with everything. Come on, let’s eat, and grab the two glasses they put in the bathroom."

"Don’t put the pizza on the bed, Jackson!" she shouted from the bathroom. "Give me some credit, April, I’m not a caveman." "Aren’t you? All this time living with Alex should have taught you a thing or two." That remark made him laugh; she really couldn’t stand Alex’s lifestyle.

"How much do I owe you for all of this?" she asked, gesturing at the food. "Don’t worry about it; this delightful treat is on me. You’ve already had a stressful evening." "But—" "Hey, be quiet and eat your pizza."

He then changed the subject and asked if she was prepping for tomorrow’s interview, noticing the computer and notebook open on the bed behind them— they were both sitting next to each other on the carpet. "Yeah. Luckily, I had my computer bag with me. I would’ve gone full-on crazy if they’d delayed that as well." She did go full-on crazy earlier, but Jackson felt it was safer not to mention it. He poured the wine, and she made a toast.

"To my interview in your jogging shorts." "At least now you’re not doing it in your underwear." "They’d probably think this—" she gestured to her outfit, "is the worst walk of shame outfit ever." "I’m taking away the pizza now." He jokingly moved the pizza box away from her, so her pretend apology arrived while taking a big bite of a slice. "Oh no, no, I’m sorry. This Tuxedomoon t-shirt with these weirdly shaped geometric doodles is so fitting for a job interview. They’ll love it, for sure." "You’d be showing off your great knowledge with this t-shirt." "About? Some secret code only rich kids get? What is this Tuxedomoon, anyway? The name of your fancy frat house in college?" "Oh my God, you’re such a loser. Tuxedomoon is a very cool post-punk band from San Francisco. They’re amazing." "Post-punk?" The shockwas evident on her face; the mockery too. "Are you really telling me you’re a post-punk kind of guy, or were you just posing as the mysterious freakish gloomy kid to hit on the edgy, maverick chick?" "I don’t need disguises to hit on anyone, maverick or not," he remarked cockily, throwing a small cushion at her. "And Tuxedomoon is really cool. Here, let me show you. This one’s famous—I bet you know it." The excitement in Jackson’s voice made her roll her eyes again. Before the pizza arrived, April had still been stuck in her head, thinking about her lost suit and the interview and what they would think of her unwashed, flight-worn clothes. But now, she was feeling better; definitely more at ease. This wine works magic, she thought, while her friend jumped on the bed to find that obviously very famous song. He was dorky in his own way; super handsome and often unsurprisingly charming - she could not deny it - but he had his little funny quirks. At least I’m not the only weird one in this room.

When the music started, the rhythm seemed distantly familiar to her. She bobbed her head to the tune; it wasn’t bad, actually, until the singer opened his mouth. April couldn’t hide her grin. The man’s voice was too odd for her taste, and it ruined the otherwise beautiful song. "Jackson, how can you like his voice?" "Why? What’s wrong with it?" He sounded slightly offended. "It’s... I don’t know. It’s weird, like he’s singing with his throat inflamed or something. It makes me laugh a little. Sorry, you can't have your way with me! Your great post-punk band does not impress me, but —" "Whatever, your loss." He knew she didn’t mean it that way, but for half a second, the words I could have my way with you crossed his mind. Gross, Jackson. Unbelievably gross. She’s your friend—and a virgin. "BUT, if you please allow me to finish, I actually know the song. Well, I know a better version of it. One that would definitely impress the ladies more." She winked at him while grabbing the computer to play it, and he snorted because the gesture was silly, and because he sincerely doubted that her version could top his in any way. The music began again, this time with a gentler melody, soft guitar, and a low hum. April's shoulders started moving to the rhythm, and she felt the urge to sing a little, dance a little, do something a little. They both drifted into the singer's silky voice when April suddenly stood up, grinning, and belted out the chorus. They lived together, so Jackson had heard her sing before—sometimes in the shower, other times when she had her headphones on. She wasn’t professionally trained, but she had a pleasant voice. Still, this April was different. When she stood up, she forgot about the interview, about the delayed suitcase and, for an instant, she even forgot Jackson was there. It all faded into the background. It took only this instant of forgetfulness - convincing herself she was somehow alone - to make her body move freely. She was singing the chorus, gently touching her hair and neck with one hand, and gripping his oversized, ridicolous shorts she was wearing with the other. It was all very spontaneous; she wasn't paying attention to him, nor was she thinking about her movements - she was only doing. But Jackson was paying attention and, even more, he was thinking; he was thinking the unthinkable and the absurd. The word sultry came to his mind. The song had a sensuality to it, and April —well, okay, she's hot. She is. It's not like I want her to be hot, she just is. I'm a guy, I cannot not see it. I'm allowed to think that of a friend, it's called being honest.

Was he, really, allowed though? He felt it in his guts, for a second, but shoved it aside as soon as it arose. She's just having fun, Jackson told himself. There's nothing more to it. She's not flirting with you, she's not trying to seduce you. She's having fun. Let her have fun. And don't be weird. Then, she locked eyes with him, and that instant split in two: two separate moments, inestricably connected, occurring one after the other in an overly rapid succession. It was impossibly brief, but in that fleeting moment, Mark Sloan’s words echoed in her mind: I think I could take this one for the team; I think I can; I think I want to. She had never done anything like it before, but she knew she could seduce him. She would seduce him. She was seducing him already. His parted lips and half-closed eyes confirmed it. In that very moment, something happened in the pit of her stomach: a sudden emptiness and a curious warmth; and then, the warm sensation filled the emptiness. This - this isn't right, right? This doesn't happen, April. Don't make a fool of yourself. We're having a good time here, you don't get to ruin it with crazy thoughts. Have a good time. She blinked - the two moments made the one instant. While her eyes locked with Jackson's, that first moment made room for the second, and the whole instant passed, as quickly as it came. "See?" she smiled, snapping back to herself without almost not realizing it. "This version is so much better. Way more soothing. It’s a vibe." "Yeah, well, I didn’t know bossa nova made its way to Moline. I thought farm girls only went for country music and folk ballads." She snatched a slice of pizza from his hand and sat back down beside him. The amount of space between them had never felt really significant—until now. Now, somehow, they could not ignore its presence — or the lack of. "You know, you’re pretty narrow-minded for a big-city boy." "Let’s hope your interviewers tomorrow aren’t narrow-minded when they see you wearing my jogging shorts." She playfully slapped his arm, and they both laughed, sharing more pizza and red, pushing all their thoughts - including those about the next day’s interviews - away from their minds.

________________________________

if you are interested, these are the songs Jackson and April are listening to :

Jackson's preferred version

April's preferred version

[boundlessdaisy]

Merthur Only You AU hear me out:

A fortune teller tells young Arthur that his soulmate's name is Myrdinn Emrys. He buys into the idea for so so long.

But at 26 years old, now an English teacher, Arthur does end up proposing to his college girlfriend Gwen, a surgeon and colleague of his sister Morgana.

Anxious to start making wedding plans, Arthur comes to Gwen's office only to learn that she's in surgery. Impatient and bored, he answers her phone when it rings. Someone's secretary is calling to reschedule an appointment because her boss is going to Rome. Arthur takes the boss's name and, what do you know... Myrdinn Emrys.

Posessed by his hopeless romantic childhood, Arthur - upon learning from the secretary that her boss's flight leaves in 30 mins - runs to the airport to see his soulmate... but he misses the flight.

Feeling stupid, he attempts to reach Gwen again but her line is still busy so he calls Emrys' secretary instead and asks her where her boss is staying in Rome. Upon learning this, Arthur makes the impulsive decision to book the next flight out to Rome to meet his soulmate at last.

It's not until he's standing at Emrys' door, dressed to the nines, smelling like a flower shop, that he realizes how insane of a decision it was to come here. Christ, he couldn't just have Facebook'd her? What if she was married? He was getting married, dear God, what was he doing-- A lady opens the door. Blonde. Curvy. Was she a model? Arthur tries to stop himself from drooling and says, "Emrys? I'm Arthur," as if she would just recognize him. Well, she doesn't, and it turns out, she wasn't Emrys anyway.

She tells him Emrys won't be back until morning so Arthur packs it in for the night and says he'll come back tomorrow.

He oversleeps of course. He runs up to Emrys' room and knocks on the door. Someone's inside, thank God, says they'll be at the door in a moment. Finally, Arthur thinks, he's gonna meet Emrys. His soulmate. The woman of his dreams... is a man?

Merlin opens the door of his hotel room to see the most handsome man he had ever seen in his life... with the most disappointed look on his beautiful, beautiful face. "Can I help you?" Merlin asks. "No. No, sorry about the intrusion." Arthur replies and starts to turn away but Merlin stops him, "You seem upset." Arthur laughs. Yeah, he was upset. He tells Merlin how he flew a thousand miles to see a delusion he had when he was a kid, he really thought he would meet his soulmate, my God, he is twenty six-- Merlin presses him about it, "Soulmate?"

Arthur explains everything. How when he was a kid he went to a fortune teller and the fortune teller gave him a name. The name of his soulmate, and he held on to the idea for longer than he should and just as he thought he had fully let it go, turns out he didn't. He still believed his soulmate was out there. Hearing himself now, it sounds so ridiculous-- "What was the name?" Merlin asks. "No, forget about it, it's stupid--" "Come'on, tell me, I might know him. Who knows?" Arthur hesitates, but finally tells him, "Myrdinn Emrys." Merlin couldn't help but laugh. Arthur starts walking away in shame but Merlin stops him. "Hey, no, don't go. Listen." Merlin smiles at him, "I'm Myrdinn Emrys."

Okay, so Merlin lied. So what? Arthur likes him, or he's beginning to. Sure, he spent the first half of the day having a full on bisexual crisis, but Merlin methodically eased him out of it with a series of historical facts about ancient sodomy (just so happens to be the dissertation he's working on right now, actually) as they go around the most beautiful city in the world. Love is a strong word, but when Arthur kisses Merlin at the end of the night, he's feeling something dangerously close to that. They just fit so well together. It's like they've known each other all their lives.

They're in Merlin's hotel room when Arthur comes out with it. "I have to tell you something." Merlin keeps kissing him, "I know you're bisexual, and I'm proud of you--" "It's not that" Merlin gasps, "I knew it." "You do?" "You're secretly a prince of some faraway country who's running away from the limelight because you can't handle the pressure. No?" "Emrys. I'm engaged."

Arthur tells Merlin about Gwen, and how he proposed to her just because he thought it was what he was supposed to do. Sure, he loved her, but it just felt so... simple, what they had. It wasn't memorable. It wasn't what he thought his love life would be like. "What did you think it would be like?" Merlin asks him and Arthur admits, "Like... this. Like a cheesy romantic comedy where I rush to the airport and follow you out to Rome without question because I knew. I knew I was meant to be here. I knew I was meant to meet you and.. and kiss you. I knew ever since I heard your name-- Oh god, I have to call off my wedding."

Arthur grabs his phone and calls Gwen at once but before the call could go through, Merlin stops him. "Wait. Wait. Before you do this. I have to tell you something." He takes Arthur's face in his hands and says intently, "I'm supposed to be in England right now. Ten hours into an all-nighter at the only cafe in campus that's open at this hour; I'm supposed to be alone and miserable, but instead I'm here, with you, in Rome for crying out loud, during the best day of my life, because my colleague got sick and they had to ship me to the conference instead-- and because you're my soulmate. Do you believe that?" "I do..." "But..." "But what?" "But my name... isn't Emrys. My name is Merlin."

Arthur. storms. off. Oh my god. He was going to cancel his whole damn wedding for this... fantasy! He flew to goddamned Rome like an idiot, and for what? Just to make a fool of himself that's what. Merlin's tailing him saying things like "Arthur, come on, it's just a name!" and "What's in a name?!" as if quoting Shakespeare would make everything better. He just hated himself for buying into all of it. Of course there was no such a thing as a soulmate, just as there was no such a thing as Myrdinn Emrys.

Or at least that's what he thought until he's about to get on a plane home and someone pages Myrdinn Emrys. He tries to let it go, he really does. Who cares? Even if it was a real person, he or she wouldn't be his soulmate because soulmates aren't real. They keep paging Emrys and Arthur keeps trying to act like he doesn't hear it, but he does hear the footsteps running up to their boarding gate and the flight attendants saying "Myrdinn Emrys?" and, dammit, he couldn't help himself. He turns around, it's a beautiful woman, brunette, she looks just his type... but all Arthur could think about, as the woman he'd been waiting for all his life stood before him, was how disapponted he was that she wasn't Merlin.

Because Arthur does live in a cheesy romantic comedy where someone rushes to the airport to follow someone anywhere without question, who else does he see just outside the boarding gates but Merlin. The attendant asks him if he's getting on the plane or not. "Of course not," Arthur responds, and runs out to meet the love of his life where he stood.

Merlin starts shouting an explanation before Arthur even gets to him, "I'm changing my name. Legally. I don't care what my name is. It's gonna be a very weird conversation with my mom but if that's what it takes--" "Shut up, Merlin," Arthur pulls him into a kiss, which Merlin interrupts. "What about Myrdinn Emrys?" "God, don't make me say it." "Say what?" Exasperated, Arthur says, "What kind of name is Myrdinn Emrys anyway?" He tries to pull Merlin back into the kiss but Merlin interrupts again, teasingly this time. "It's Welsh. It means immortal. It's from these legends, around the 1200s, there was this magician--" "Merlin." "Yes?" "I can't believe I want to kiss you so bad."

On their flight back home, Arthur exclaims, "Oh shit." "What?" "I forgot to call off my wedding!"

[joeyalohadream]

Last Line Tag

This is certainly more than a line, more of a snippet, but I'm excited for this one and figured I'd share a bit. This is from my WIP (one of too damn many) about Bucky learning about combat fatigue from a Flight Surgeon and having realizations that Buck already exhibits some of the signs.

Thanks for the tag @onyxsboxes

“I told you all about my ma, my sisters.” “Well, I haven’t had a mom since I was a boy, and I don’t have any siblings.” Frustration is starting to leak into Gale’s tone and Bucky considers backing off the conversation and just enjoying the bliss of their first post-reunion tryst. Gale is still sweaty and sated, resting on his chest and it would be easy to let it go. But his mind has been tangled up about this for weeks and he can’t bring himself to give up so easily. “Tell me about your dad then,” he runs his fingers down Gale’s spine, fingers gliding easily over the sweat slick skin. He feels Gale tense against him. “No.” Bucky tries not to feel hurt by the finality in his tone. Tries not to take it personally that the person he wants to tell everything, won’t tell him anything. “Why?” “Why won’t you tell me what it was like up there?” “That’s not the same thing, Buck.” “What if it is?”

Tagging: @rambleonwaywardson and @ranger-elizabeth if you'd like to do it! and of course, anyone else that wants to share!

[bunny584]

bunny, beautiful, angel of my lifeeee 🤍🤍 i need just a CRUMB from this upcoming H&H chapter. I’m still reeling from that back handed slap (with the tenderest forehead kiss) that was ch. 15 🥺 like my little delicate soul can’t withstand this any longer (but of course, your genius takes time, i can’t kiss that big brain of yours enough)!! I have no idea where I was going with this ask or what i’m babbling about anymore, just know i have the most doe-eyed crush on you. Okay byeeee!!

(p.s. thank you for all that you do as a surgeon!! i hope you have an amazing next shift!!!!)

- babbling anon

Well hi baby 😊 you’re new here, welcome home sweet thing.

Time is such a fickle thing isn’t it? I didn’t realize just how long it’s been since my last update. I’m 90% done. Just ironing out one little pesky scene.

But, my love. Ask and you shall receive. HERE is a fluffier sneak peak I leaked mid flight. This’ll warm you up top.

And here is another little biscuit, hopefully this’ll warm you down below. What’s that scripture again?

I want two boyfriends and I want my boyfriends to be boyfriends 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️

[thedivided]

Gabrielle Cole - tracking device

Jack Sato - stealthy

Elijah Songaa - breathrough

Seoung Kwan - spiritual connection

Makoto Shizuka - shortcut

Cora Madden - investigative eye

Adriana Penn - self control

Yara Valle - second wind

Taylor Dalton - good teacher

Callum - team spirit

Yronica (( I forgot how to spell her last name )) - egocentric leech

Eman Attia - evanesce

Aaaqil Che - adaptability

Amari Tamiyyah - vagrants trick

Emery Rivera - disappearing act

Jun Inagaki - tough

Eiji Inagaki - old camera

Chaoxing Lai - xingxings mic

Gavin Prescott - gavins pistol

Becca Prescott - sole survivor

Rayner Byrne - rayner's shield

Crosby Aldrich - royal rule

Serena 'Sera' Vera - smooth skating

Jonas Weber - sanity soda

Nami Deng - hard times

Mamo Ikaika - mamos bat

Dakota Nicole - flame spray

Crystal Kaur - clear quartz

Sanjana Dewan - quiet steps

Kelvin Mars - sonar dart (( ? ))

Arlo Flores - healers touch

Iris Daley - pot of life

Saadiya Ali - course control

Anais Desir (( ? )) - complete control

Kiara Cruz - life of the party (( ? ))

Sarah - lone wolf

Yvonne Kojo - fight or flight (( ??? ))

Elizabeth Payne - self assurance

Lyndon Davenport - rauhm

Dante Fontana-Rosa - plane of elysium

Serena Wolfe - hunters instinct

Kyle Wolfe - bear trap

Yeona Jeung - obsessed

Yan Tian - detection machine

Ryder - detail oriented

Riley West - cheap thrill

Dae-Jung Pak - charm

Dakari Bowens - heal gun

Tabitha Harris - maternal instinct

Wren Harris - menial work

Parker - triple mocktail

Nathan Reyes - wits end

Emil - inspire

Evelyn Maurelle - dirty work

I can also name a few killer abilites

Werewolf - feral rage (active) / the hunt (passive)

Polluted - oil trail (active) / corruption consumes (passive)

ghost - blood phase (active) / sixth sense (passive)

Principal - extended strike (active) / hall pass (passive)

Showstopper - foul play (active)

Apostate - salvation (passive)

Watcher - watchful eye (active)

Janitor - worked ground (active) / no escape (passive)

Experiment - deep terror (active) / aftershock (passive??)

Surgeon - swift strikes (active) / surgical precision (passive)

Idol - you're mine (active) / obsessive nature (passive)

Host - ice trap (active)

Unforgotten - malefic shadows (active) / manifest (passive?)

Android - technological eye (active) / automation (passive)

explodes

NERDD

ill list off what i remember, using the same list as you but some grouped together. Ill also only list what actually brought them to the mist

Gabrielle - tried making a ghost tracker gone wrong

Jack - last delivery of the night gone wrong

Elijah - only survivor of a camp massacre caused by banshee

Seoung - messed up a ritual and summoned ghost?

Makoto - fell asleep on a subway while going to a new job

Cora - all i remember is she was skeptical of people? and she lost her mom i think

Adrianna - dont remember, ive read it though

Yara - havent read it

Taylor - havent read it

Callum, Yronica, Aaaqil, Eman - detention, almost got killed by principal?

Amari - plane crash

Emery - pushed into the mist by showstopper

Jun - forgot

Eiji - forgot

Chaoxing - havent read, i think she disappeared while going offstage at a concert? Yara or Taylor followed her i think idk….

Gavin + Parker - car crash?

Becca - babysitting job turned final girl situation

Rayner - sentenced for execution, disappeared

Crosby - smth to do with rayners

Sera - havent read

Jonas - contacted by a company?

Nami - havent read

Mamo - bus crash??

Dakota - forgot

Crystal - forgot

Sanjana - got sweeped away by the mist while monitoring it?

Kelvin - sweeped away by mist before sanjana(all i remember)

Arlo - fell asleep in a library or smth

Iris - forgot

Saadiya - forgot

Anais - dad died when she thought she found love? got taken by mist while grieving

Kiara - escaped the party her alternate timeline self got kidnapped at

Sarah - got tossed into a lake??

Yvonne - framed? disappeared in a prison riot

Elizabeth - framed?? disappeared in a prison riot?

Lyndon - forgot

Dante - speared through the chest while sending out an SOS signal

Serena and Kyle - dad got killed by werewolf on a hunting trip

Yeona - went to look in STAR*STRUCKs dorm gone wrong

Yan and Nathan - partially forgot, all i remember is Yan’s dad got killed by an enemy organization

Ryder - didnt read

Riley - skydiving gone wrong

Dae - came back to dorm to see Ye-Jun’s confrontation gone wrong

DAKARI💙💙💙💙 - boat got punctured, he thought it was an injured marine animal. Came back w/ healing gun to find the boat top empty and a polluted fish creature

Tabitha - forgot

Wren - forgot

Emil - bled out in a protest turned riot?

Evelyn - didnt read

NOW. For killers

Werewolf - parents got mauled by a pack of wolves and he got bit, turned into a ww and killed serena and kyles dad

Polluted - lost his mom to pollution, pretty sure he washed up on a shore at one point

Ghost - kidnapped from a party. Tried escaping her captors on christmas(?) and got killed

Principal - lost his daughter because of yronica, tried killing her and her group

Show - forgot

Apostate - drowned in a lake?

Watcher - all i remember is hes a terrorist for attention

Janitor - killed by principal?

Experiment - didnt read

Surgeon - forgot

Idol - got confronted gone wrong

Host - containment breach????

Unforgotten - purely made of hatred of humans

Android - killed someone i think

Stalker - pushed sarah into a lake?

Voidskulk - got infected by a thing that killed her godfather or uncle or wtv

Warden - i think he got electrocuted to death in a prison riot

Empress - betrayed and beheaded

Stareater - hit by a shooting star

Possessed - near same as seoung, got possessed by an evil spirit instead

Banshee - killed herself to reunite with her sister? massacred elijahs camp

Boss - forgot

[samstree]

What’s up readers?! How about a little show and tell? Answer these 13 questions, tag 13 lucky readers and if you’re feeling extra bookish add a shelfie! Let’s Go!

Thank you @darthwillies for the tag!

1) The Last book I read:

The Vampire Lestat. I've been slowly reading the first few Vampire Chronicles books since the TV show took over my body and soul lmao. So far this one is a lot of fun!

2) A book I recommend:

Creatures of a Day. It's a non-fiction and a good look into psychology in general and psychiatrist as a profession. Would highly recommend Irvin Yalom's other books too.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

The Song of Achilles. I read very slowly in English but this book had me hooked from the beginning and I finished it in one weekend. This was actually a few years ago now but I haven't had the same experience since. (If anyone knows anything that is the same but like...different, please let me know alskjdf)

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

This Is Going to Hurt. I really liked the humor in the book when the topic is so serious. It's about working in health care and especially in the OB ward. Witnessing life and death daily can't be easy, but Adam Kay makes it easy to read.

5) A book on my TBR:

The Red Sorghum. It's been on my TBR since it won the Nobel prize lmao. The theme is very heavy though, but anyway, one day I will read, even just for the nobel.

6) A book I’ve put down:

All the Light We Cannot See. The writing is beautiful but the WWII story just doesn't draw me in as much. Maybe one day I will go back to it.

7) A book on my wish list:

Can I put an unpublished book here? The Winds of Winter lol, if I can be cheeky for a bit. Watching House of the Dragon really just brought me back into my asoiaf era. I feel sixteen again and piecing together all the clues for the sequel and thinking about all the theories. Unfortunately it is still very much a wish list.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

Journey to the West! Who doesn't love an adventure story about four besties going on a road trip that is full of cool monsters of the week? Also the whole book is metaphor for buddhist enlightenment. So it really contains multitudes.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

Silver in the Wood. It's a short novel that I brought to a long flight and just finished in one go. It makes you feel like you've just taken a little walk in the forest. It's a light read that makes a perfect gift!

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

Does Evgenii Onegin count as poetry? It's one of my favorite reads back in university. Partly because of the adapted play I think, it is still the top theater experience I've ever had.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

When Breath Becomes Air. It was written by a surgeon about his journey battling cancer at the end of his life. It's one of the books that stayed with me, having read it after cancer being such a huge part of my life for years. I feel like I got some answers from it and would recommend everyone to read.

12) What are you currently reading:

Queen of the Damned. More sexy vampires! Some of them are even old AND sexy!

13) What are you planning on reading next?

Keep reading through the Vampire Chronicles until reason and taste fail me (or Anne Rice does). I hear people tend to stop at some point during the 12 books in the whole series. We'll see how long I last.

tagging: @kuripon @cherryjuicegf @silvipeppers @tideswept @valdomarx. No pressures of course <3

[szallejhscorner]

Easier

“What are you talking about?” you shout in an almost hysteric voice, and Chishiya leans back against the sofa and exhales a deep breath. He didn’t want this discussion, especially not on his only day off since two weeks. And even though he tried anything to avoid this certain topic, here you are – arguing about the exact thing.

“It’s not even much I’m asking you for”, you continue since he remains silent. “One family meeting. Those are like once or twice a year? That’s really not too much to ask, is it?”

Chishiya just watches you, face reddened with anger and breath quickening while you try to convince him. You have told him everything he needs to know already. The wedding of a cousin, one that you really like but that lives quite far away, so you want to spend the whole weekend there. Maybe even do some sightseeing on the day after the wedding.

It wouldn’t be too much to ask for, of course. Family meetings aren’t that bad when it’s your family, and Chishiya never attends the ones on his side anyway. No, he’d have agreed to it without discussion if it wasn’t for one single detail.

“You know it’s the weekend of the Surgeon ESC.” That one world congress for surgeons that will exhibit really interesting innovations, products and services about anything a surgeon could dream about. This year, the congress will be in Switzerland and Chishiya has already been given a ticket both for flight and accommodation as well as the congress entry.

It is an important event to him, much more important than a wedding of someone he has only seen once in his life. And he doesn’t even prohibit you to go. You’re free to visit your family for the entire weekend, but he can’t accompany you this time. There will be plenty more weddings, funerals and birthdays where you can brag with your fantastic surgeon boyfriend.

“That’s…” ruffling your hair with one hand, you pace the living room the way you always do when you’re upset. Chishiya has watched it so many times now, but rarely has he been the reason to upset you. “Why do you want to go there, anyway? You already know everything they will tell you!”

Chishiya huffs. “Probably. But one doesn’t always get a ticket to Zurich to meet the world’s best surgeons.”

“And my cousin doesn’t marry like five times a month. This is a once-in-a-lifetime-event, Shuntarou! And that stupid congress is every year. You can go next year. Or follow it through an online stream or something.”

Follow a congress via stream while he sits in a hall filled with people too loud and too drunk to lead proper conversations with? Where all he will do is avoid questions why you two haven’t married yet, why there are no children, and more pathetic stuff that most people expect from others? “You can send me pictures”, he suggests in a last attempt to soothe the situation. While he doesn’t care about fancy wedding dresses, flowers or decoration, he’d allow you to spam him with images so you’d be happy. But apparently, it is not enough for you.

You have come to a stand, hands now crossed across your chest and eyes as cold as ice. “You’re so much like your father.”

That’s all you say, in a low and bitter voice, and yet those few words have more impact on Chishiya than the rest of this conversation. He clearly is not like his father, and you are perfectly aware that what you said affects him deeply.

He stiffens and holds your gaze with the same fierceness. “Am I, now? I recall you saying that you really hated my father.”Which is fine, for the record. He despises that man, too, for more reasons than he ever told you.

“He’s not really a likeable man”, you admit with a tremble, probably realizing that you have gone too far.

Breathing out audibly, Chishiya gets up from the couch and reaches for his jacket. This is not the place he wants to be in right now – he needs space to clear his mind. “If you despise him so much and we’re the same, I don’t understand why you’re still here.”

“Wha-“ you snort, shaking your head in disbelief, “don’t twist the facts now, Shuntarou! What’s the point, now?”

“Well, you’re obviously unhappy with how this is going. I won’t cancel the congress, and you won’t let me go. If this doesn’t work out for you, you better pack up and leave.”

Chishiya slips into his jacket and puts on his shoes, fully aware that you’re still staring at him, fiddling with your hands while you search for the right words. “We’re not done here”, you shout, “where do you think you’re going? Let’s sort this out like adults and don’t run away like a child!”

Chh. As if he’s the childish one here. Knowing that there’s no point in arguing any further, he opens the door and leaves.

“Maybe I’ll just do that – pack and leave”, you threaten, but Chishiya doesn’t look back. He needs fresh air, and you definitely need some time to calm down and clear your mind.

The weather outside is cold, with a harsh wind blowing through his hair, so he pulls up the hood of his jacket to stay warm. Chishiya doesn’t pay any attention to where he’s walking – he has seen these streets hundreds of times already and there is nothing interesting to notice. All he passes are windows with half-rotten flowers, candles gathering tons of dust and the mandatory old cat that belongs to an even older lady.

He acknowledges the people passing him as little as they acknowledge him. Most of them are lost souls with dreams they will never fulfill, drowning in self-doubts, debts and misery. And here he thought you were different from them.

Chishiya has been naïve to think you’d know him well enough by now to let him go. It’s human of you to wish that you’d do everything together, that a family gathering means you both will be there, but Chishiya isn’t like normal people. He has made it clear right from the start that his priorities differ from the pathetic standard – brand-name clothes, huge follower counts on social media, the love for small-talk that most seem to have. He doesn’t approve of public cuddles and kisses, he won’t gift you chocolate and flowers on Valentine’s Day and he’d never propose to you on one knee with a cheesy quote on his lips.

You had been fine with all that, and yet you have forgotten about who he really is today. It has happened before, but never did it end in such a discussion. Chishiya has told you to leave, and while saying it had been hard, he means it. If you’re unhappy with who he is, because he won’t change into a completely new person just for you, this might not be the right relationship for you. What a miracle it has been anyway for Chishiya to bond with you in the first place. Maybe it’s better to return to who he was before, expelling anything that has to do with love from his core.

Yes, he wouldn’t be surprised to see you gone, leaving for good to search for another relationship that suits you better. It isn’t what he wants, but it’s the most logic consequence.

The wind gets colder and a drizzle begins, cloaking Chishiya with a heavy blanket that fits the mood, and yet Chishiya doesn’t turn around. The cold causes his limbs to go numb, and the sound of water dripping faster and faster onto the earth is almost hypnotizing. Most people flee into the dry buildings now, and Chishiya almost feels like the last person on this planet.

If every other human would disappear at a moment’s notice, if the rain would swallow every living soul, leaving only one hollow person, he could forget about the argument. Nothing would matter anymore – no corruption, no violence, no stupidity would be left. Just him in an environment that would immediately forget about humanity and take everything back that had once been claimed as human.

Chishiya would like that, somehow. Returning to his apartment will probably feel the same in case you’ve stuck to your threat and left. Not only will it feel empty, but it will be empty since most of the interior belongs to you. The images on the wall, small trinkets from other cities and other countries that you visited, nothing belongs to him.

You’re the one to bring color into his life, but at the same time, you make it so much more complicated. He has long accepted that he cannot have one without the other, but if it always leads to arguments like the one you’ve just had, he doesn’t know if bringing color into his life is actually worth it.

Thunder growls in the distance, and when Chishiya looks up, blinking through the heavy raindrops that now are falling, he soon sees the next flash tearing through the dark clouds. His hands have begun to tremble, and it is about time he returns to his apartment before the storm comes too close.

It is a long way back, and despite the weather and the fact he’s soaking wet from head to toe, the walk has been more than refreshing. The silence and the cold air have chased away the heat from the argument, and his body will be numb enough to muffle the pain when the apartment will actually be empty.

As soon as he can see the building, his eyes are glued to the windows that belong to the place you two used to live in for quite a while now. All the windows are dark, there’s not even a hint of light in one of them.

The water soaking his clothes and body slow him down noticeably, or maybe Chishiya hesitates to enter too fast. But he eventually reaches the door and pulls out the key while water drips down, creating huge puddles beneath his feet.

Inside it is silent and dark, without music or light. Nothing is running on the television and nothing is simmering on the stove. Have you left after all?

Chishiya gets rid of his wet shoes and throws the jacket onto the ground as well. There’s no need to cover the entire floor of this apartment with water, since the housekeeper will only come in two days.

It is redundant to turn on the lights – he knows where to go, and he doesn’t need to see things already missing. It would be impossible to take everything you own with you at once, so you’ll have to come back again to get the rest, but some of the most important things you’d never leave behind, and Chishiya knows exactly what it is.

He heads for the bathroom to change into dry clothes, but something strikes his view as he passes the sideboard. That certain photo… it’s still there.

And as he pauses, a feint noise reaches his ear. Slow and rhythmic breaths, coming from the sofa, where you have fallen asleep under a heavy blanket. Your face is wet from tears since you’ve been crying, but…

You’re still here.

Chishiya breathes out, only now realizing that he has held his breath. You didn’t leave, which also means that the discussion about that certain weekend will continue. Chishiya won’t change his mind about the congress, but since you’re still here next to him, there’s a change you have finally understood that. This congress is much more important to him than a wedding of some cousin, although it doesn’t affect the way he feels about you. That’s something you really have to understand: the future will bring even more arguments like this one, where Chishiya will prefer something over what you think is more important. It doesn’t mean though that Chishiya doesn’t respect you. The fact that he feels relief upon seeing you is more than enough evidence to prove that.

He continues to watch you for a few heartbeats longer, until most of the tears on your face have dried up.

It’d be better if you had left, leaving Chishiya alone so he could lead an easy life. But he is glad to see you here, covered in your favorite blanket as if nothing had ever happened. You make things complicated, and yet…

Chishiya likes the complicated and deviating, doesn’t he?

[un-awarewolf]

EDIT: There have been some unfortunate last minute changes. Not only did it seem like Medicaid was not going to review and approve my surgery in time, but in a completely unexpected last minute turn of events, my surgeon was out of state and his flight was cancelled 🙃 So he wouldn't have been back in time to perform the surgery anyway. I am now waiting to see if any time becomes available on September 22nd, after the already scheduled surgeries for that day are given priority.

$2,485/4,000

I AM ONE MONTH AWAY FROM TOP SURGERY! 🎉 Originally I wasn’t expected to have a date set until October, but due to a cancellation, my surgery is now set for June 29th!

I am beyond excited and don’t have enough words to express just how much this means to me. However, after recently needing a month off work for my hysterectomy and having less than 3 months back before my top surgery, which will require me to take another TWO months off to recover; I am going to need quite a bit of help to afford my living expenses. I will ALSO be having to move less than 4 weeks after my surgery to a new apartment, so you can just imagine the amount of stress I am currently experiencing while I try to prepare. 😵‍💫 For a more in-depth dive of what I hope to accomplish with top surgery and a breakdown of my expenses, you can click on the link to my fundraiser below!

If you only ever interact with one of my posts, I would be beyond appreciative if it was this one. Sharing, Commenting, and of course Donating would mean the world to me. Thank you so much for reading this far, and for being a part of my journey! I can’t wait for what happens next!

[sashi-ya]

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 [+18] 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐰 𝐱 𝐟! 𝐩𝐫𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 [chapter five]

ʚ masterlist: part 1; part 2; part 3 ; part 4 ; final ʚ tw: slow, sloooow burn. But wait, WAIT I promise you will have good romance veeery soon. have fun searching about what noctilucas are, they will be very important in the final chap :3

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓: 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭

The ticket won’t scan. “Ugh, for fucks sake! Why…” you protest, trying for the machine at the airport to scan the code from your phone. The new check in system seamed convenient in the beginning, but you clearly checked it wasn’t the case.

Once, twice, and even for the fifth time a huge red X appears on the screen. People behind you begin to complain as why “someone is blocking the damn machine”.

“Ok, ok!!! This shit isn’t working!” you grunt, letting the idiots behind you pass. Nothing seemed to be going well since the very beginning you put a foot in this city. First, the con incident. Then, Law and all of the things that happened in less than 24 hours. And now, there seems to be a strong invisible force playing with you once again.

You just wanna leave. You don’t want to know anything about this place… never again.

Checking your phone, you see time flies as the airplanes in the sky. So, you need someone to scan your ticket, or you won’t be able to flight back home.

“Now, where is this damn airline located?” you ask yourself, looking all around to see if you can find any sign of such company.

Of course, it seems as everybody is running late to go somewhere -even if their flights aren’t due for at least 3 hours from now-. But this is the big city, after all. Some push you, as they run with their carry ons. Others click their tongues instead of asking you politely to move to the side. In any case, you are fed up.

You thankfully and finally devise the name of the airline a few halls away, so, you are ready to push everyone who gets in the middle. If they aren’t polite with you, then you shouldn’t either.

When you finally get there, the only free counter awaits for you. And so, you run towards it, since you are most probably about to miss your fly.

“HI! THE SCAN ISN’T WORKING PROPERLY, MY TICKET ISN’T WO-“ “HI! I NEED TO KNOW IF A PASSENGER HAS ALREADY LEFT, PLEASE! IT IS AN EMERGENCY!”

Two voices crash into each other. Shoulders too. A pair of woman’s hands, and a pair of inked ones grab for dear life to the counter, startling the assistant.

“I can help you both, but please one at a time” the lady behind the counter says, with widen eyes and ready to call security.

However, what she says lacks importance, as your eyes meet the eyes of the man that is right next to you.

“What are you doing here, Law?”

“(Name)-ya…” he sighs. His cheeks, once again, turn red. His crystal eyes are unable to look at yours any second longer. “I am… really….so-“

Your lips tremble. There is something you still can’t process, and it is the fact that this could have been like a romantic movie.

“I- It’s ok… how did you know?” you ask, confused. You are sure you never told him which airline you were flying with.

“That, I can explain” Penguin, Law’s friend arrives panting. “So, naturally, we shouldn’t do this… but, for a friend in love we thought it was ok…” he says, lifting his finger and almost receiving a punch from Law.

“Penguin! I-…” Law screams, but Bepo joins the conversation along with Shachi. Both, of course, also panting, and sweaty.

“(Name)! I’m really sorry. I knew you were traveling around this hour and since I follow you on Instagram I know were you live… so…”

“So, we searched for possible flights to your hometown around this hour. And we were left with at least 4 different airlines. We split up to find you, and the best thing is that it seems as if Law had to be the one to do so” Shachi adds, pushing a flustered surgeon.

You can’t help but giggle. This could be considered stalking, but you are sure these guys have no ill intentions whatsoever. It is, in any case, sweet.

“Guys, you are true detectives… even if I am glad to see you again, I’m still a little bit confused to why you are here” you lie, because you clearly hear Penguin say “a man in love” when he was talking about Law.

Law clears his throat, and moves you the side, as some rude passengers were also annoyed at the fact their tickets weren’t scanning and needed to get to the counter.

He looks at the guys, who quickly understand he wishes to be alone with you and leave faster than Flash himself.

“So, (Name)-ya… I am really sorry for bothering you. I know you are about to board a plane, but, I needed to apologize. I didn’t act properly yesterday” he says, with his eyes glued to the dirty floor of the airport.

You smile, softly. You aren’t sure why he is apologizing, or why you seemed to be that important, but your heart is glad he did.

Before you could think of the right words to say, you search inside your bag. There was something you still owe him; the polar bear plushie.

“I- It’s ok, Law. You shouldn’t have bother to come all the way here… however, I am glad you did” you say, stretching your hand towards him.

He looks closely to the white fluff coming from your palm, remembering the charm he gave you. And then looks at you with the eyes of a kid.

“I needed to give it back to you. I was planning on sending it back to you whenever I got home… but here you are so…” you murmur, as your voice slowly soothes. You can’t help but feel weak and defenceless when you see him looking at you that way.

His inked fingers graze your palm, as he takes the charm. He is reluctant to do so, or at least that’s what it looks like to you. It also feels like he wanted to say something else, and indeed, you wish he did.

“Thank… you. I wouldn’t mind you having it a little longer. In fact, you can keep it. You will be back here, right?” he asks, offering you the plushie again.

You aren’t really sure about what to answer to his question. A few minutes ago, you wish to never ever come back to his town; however, now, your heart wish for you not to take that plane back home.

You hesitate whether taking the charm with you or not, but he seems to insist. Law is clearly not good at expressing his emotions, so perhaps the only way he has to do it is by offering you something you can keep with you.

But, what did make him change again? Why did he get so distant all of a sudden, and now, he is asking you for forgiveness?

“Law… I- I am not sure. I…” you stutter but grabbing his “gift” either way. It is as if your body wouldn’t want you to say no, even if your reason would.

Law plays with one of the little hoops hanging from his ear as he takes enough air to speak. “It’s ok if you don’t want to come back. Either way I want you to keep it. Maybe as a way of remembering not everything was so bad when you came here”

Your eyes soften. Your muscles too. With your head tilted to the side, you give him a smile and press the plushie against your chest.

“I will make sure to take care of it. Give me your phone number, Law… So, I can send you some pictures of it whenever I am home” you tell him, even if the real reason wasn’t exactly that one.

You search for your phone and give it to him, waiting for his fingers to type those ten numbers. Law grabs it, and one by one he adds the digits. He still gives your wallpaper a misgiving look, even if he knows the man in the photo is no other than your cousin.

“Uh… that’s Luffy… my cousin” you murmur, pointing at the screen.

Law nods, with puppy eyes. And the sudden realization of why he acted the way he did, hits you… jealousy.

You sweetly take the phone back, smiling at the name he chose to give to himself to save his contact; “Sora the Warrior of the Sea”

“Sora? You are amazing, Law…” you giggle, acknowledging how hard he is trying to look cool upon you.

He even smirks softly, despite how ashamed he feels and waits for you to finally ask about your defective ticket.

It turns out that it was a system failure, that somehow worked in favour of Law and you. Who knows, it might be destiny, or just a simple coincidence.

Of course, you should hurry up. Despite the airline acknowledging their problem, the plane won’t be waiting for you much longer.

“Law, if you wanna go back… it’s ok, you don’t have to wait for –“ “(Name)-ya, give me your luggage. I will carry it for you” Law says, clearly showing you with actions he doesn’t want you to go or at least to spend the most next to you.

You allow him to do so; you don’t mind walking through such busy airport next to a hot edgy doctor, after all.

But the line isn’t that long, and it’s time for you to go through to security to finally disappear behind frosted glass walls.

“So… it’s time” you murmur, with a pain in your heart a little difficult to explain.

He nods, this time he doesn’t look serious, but sad. Yet, he can’t stop you. He knows he couldn’t.

“(Name)-ya, take care please…” he whispers, giving you the handle of your carry on. And those words seem not to be enough to tell you the things his eyes are telling.

You nod, whispering a “you too” that he can barely hear. Your throat feels dry, and somehow it seems difficult to go away from there.

You show him the little fluffy ball in your hand, as you begin to walk away. Steps you take so slowly, somehow feeling you are missing something. Was it something you left at the hotel? Or was it something you didn’t properly pack?

No… it isn’t something tangible.

“Wait, (Name)-ya!” you hear, everything jolts inside you and your eyes widen when you feel the soft hand of a surgeon grab your wrist.

Softly, you turn around, discovering Law’s lips barely separated and eyes that are now filled with bravery and determination.

“Yes, Law?” you murmur, taking the same two steps you took to go away, to come back to him.

“Promise me you will send me a text when you get home… please?” he says stopping himself from moving any further. Even if, he just wanted to kiss you.

A little disappointed, yet with a softened heart, you give him a sweet smile. “I will, I promise…” you whisper, getting on tippy toes just to kiss his cheek, this time, closer to his lips. “Promise me, then, that you will come and visit me in the summer…”

Law nods, taking his hand to the place you just kissed. His silvery eyes can only reflect yours, and the subtle smile that invades his lips will be the face you will remember until you see him again someday.

His hand slides as you begin to walk towards security check, finally letting you go when not a single molecule can’t still hold to your forearm skin.

Before the glass doors close, you take a last look at his cheeks that are now looking like caramel apples.

“Goodbye, Law… don’t forget about me~” you mouth, while waving your hand.

“Bye, (Name)-ya…”

…

Six months after…

The days at the country side turned more enjoyable than you would have thought they ever will... Sunsets were more beautiful than before, the sounds of the waves crashing on the coast so near your home, finally told you stories of waiting lovers. And not a single day went by, without you sighing his name.

Your cosplay career kept growing, and you even started writing the most beautiful love stories ever told. There was someone who made your heart beat, and the inspiration for those stories only came from the things you wish you were living with him.

You had a special ringtone set for when Law texted you; the moment the word “Sora” appeared on your screen your eyes would shine as much as the stars in the same vast sky that somehow join both of you.

You planned so many cosplays together -even if he never thought of doing them, he would just because he wanted to see the smile that invaded your face through endless videocalls.

The weather was becoming hotter, and the new conventions were already scheduled; therefore, you had to start working on your next projects…

20:46 Sora (Law)> Name-ya, I won’t be able to use my phone in the following hours. Got a big surgery coming next. Sleep early today, you should rest. Don’t over work yourself. 20:47 you > yes, Doc. You too. Why are you operating so late, though? 20:48 Sora (Law)> too long to explain, but the operation was scheduled for today 6 months ago. Eat something and sleep. Goodnight. 20:48 you > ok… I wanted to show you some pics of the Noctilucas, but I will send them tomorrow. Have… fun? Bye bye 👋

You let your phone over the table, worried. Law is not usually very romantic, but he definitely never texted you this way. Of course, you couldn’t protest… after all, Law was just a friend to you… a friend with whom you could chat until falling asleep, and even sometimes doing it while on video call. A friend who cared for your wellbeing, and a friend who tells you everything he does from the time he opens his eyes, to the time he closes them in bed.

“Is Law lying? Why would he?” you ask yourself, as you stand up and walk through the window of your kitchen.

The noctilucas were on full bright; those tiny little sea creatures emanating a bright blue light from the sea could only remind you of Law. For some reason, you associate that shiny cerulean colour to Law’s inner power to make your heart get in shambles…

“I wish you were here, Law…” you sigh, with the painful need of ignoring a thought that has invaded your mind since you read his text… “There is no way Law would have a big surgery scheduled during a Friday night. He probably has a date. Yes… that should be… he owns me nothing, after all…”

To be continued - next part here

[pupintransit]

Fun little update about my gender affirming surgery- I didn't die!

I'm writing this on March 7, one day after my discharge from the recovery house at GRS Montréal. My flight home from Quebec isn't until Saturday so the hubby and i are hanging out in a hotel until then. I'll start by saying that the staff at GRS Montréal are all complete angels 🧡 I won't get into the weeds of the physical sensations of my recovery, but suffice to say I had a very taxing aftercare. I felt very supported and looked after during my time there even with all the setbacks i experienced.

Now, something that i have alluded to before in my write ups is that the trans communities and friends i have were very diligent to remind people not to romanticize the surgery. They're right to! The morning after my surgery the nerves in my genitals started to reactivate, and they were pissed about it. 11/10 pain for at least 15 minutes, which was when the oxycodone kicked in. Before that the worst pain i'd had experienced was scabies. Not anymore it's not! If you take nothing else from this post please do not fuck around if you're gonna do something like this. Listen to your body and ask for help when you need it, because i gaurentee you that you will need it.

I left site with pain meds to last a few days and very strict aftercare instructions, which i have been following to the letter. My surgeon requires four dilations a day for the first month, which if you include the cleaning up and air drying afterward can take upwards of two hours. Essentially i'm working an eight hour day cut up into four split shifts. To be honest i thought it'd be overwhelming, but after two days in a hotel to get used to everything it's not as bad as i was expecting. I feel like i have enough time in between sessions to relax, eat, go for a little walk, all that fun stuff. Not much time for day trips of course, but i can resume those soon enough. Frankly what i want to do more than go out for an evening is sleep on my side again...

The first time i really took stock of my new genitalia was midday after the external packing came off. I was looking in a mirror. I was purple and swollen (still am) but all the shapes i wanted to see were there. My automatic response was "Yeah, this is fine." Nothing euphoric, nothing like coming home again or whatever, just acceptance. And i think that's all i needed it to be? Nothing is hanging down there anymore. No stringy hairs to trim, no weird wrinkly foreskin, no random erection that won't go away. Just my pussy.

I'm not done healing yet. Shit still hurts quite a bit, i gotta sleep on a towel lest my bedsheets get ruined, and when i douche the water still runs a little red with gunk. That ain't gonna end for a while and it suuuuuucks, but the shapes i want to see on my body are still there so to me it is worth the hassle.

I do still go through phases of regret though, usually when my pain gets a little too much to bear or when my mood really dips. "Did i really need this? This wasn't worth all this pain, i hate feeling this way." What i try to remember is that i was in my right mind when i made and committed to this decision, and i'm simply not when overwhelmed with pain. When that pain subsides, so too does the regret.

And then i see my shapes again.

This was profoundly difficult and easily the worst i have ever felt physically, but i have no regrets. I can't wait to see myself once i'm fully healed and ready to go. I'll be the me i've always wanted to be 🧡