#Holby City fanfic

[madam-wakefield]

Open when...Chapter 1

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Summary:

When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn't sure how she's going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn't expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn't a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn't all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta'd. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Chapter 1

Open when you get this…

Serena always knew she’d go to work the day after Bernie had deployed. In some way, she can make herself believe that this is just like the times when Bernie has gone away for a few days for a medical conference or to visit an old army friend. But deep down she knows it’s not, knows that she won’t see Bernie in person for nine months. 

She walks into their office and there on her desk is a beautiful floral box full of what look like ivory envelopes. Serena sits down in her chair and pulls it close to the desk, noticing one delicate envelope propped up against the front of the box.

She stares at it, eyes fixed upon Bernie’s messy writing on the front: Serena - Open when you get this…

She stares at it a little longer, wanting to commit this image to memory before complying. 

My Dearest Serena,

The main reason for writing these letters is because I love you! I love you so much and I want to be able to remind you of that as much as I can. In your moments of weakness. In your moments of joy. When you need to feel loved know that I will always love you. These letters are just here to remind you of that while we are apart for the next nine months. Put them somewhere you will see them often, or carry them around with you if you have to, so you always remember to Open When You…” 

I love you and miss you so much already.

All My Love, Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x 

She knows she doesn’t have time to respond instantly, she’s got ward rounds to do, and a short surgery scheduled but she promises herself this is the perfect excuse to write Bernie her first bluey. 

She plans to write to her on her break but of course, all the best laid plans always go wrong. Bernie’s red phone rings just as she’s about to go and get herself a pastry from Pulses. She’s missing her girlfriend, so who can blame her if she wants a bit of comfort food?

She goes into surgery with Raf, naturally taking the lead. He’s a good surgeon and she knows it, but it’s going to take her some time to be able to give up control to him in that way. She’s so used to working with Bernie in that respect, where neither of them really takes control, they just work side by side effortlessly without there needing to be a lead. 

After surgery she updates the patient’s family and is just thinking that she’ll have a break now, and maybe actually write to Bernie, when Sacha comes onto the ward to remind her that she’s ten minutes late for the clinical leads’ meeting. Thankfully, she can blame it on the emergency surgery.

She spends more of the meeting thinking about Bernie than actually paying attention. Wondering how Bernie’s flight was. Wondering exactly where Bernie is now. Wondering how she is ever going to get through the next nine months without her girlfriend. 

Normally after a meeting, Bernie will spoil her with coffee and a pastry and kisses if there is time, but she knows she isn’t getting that today or for the next nine months and she can’t help but feel a little deflated at the thought. 

She’s professional enough to offer her opinion a few times to make it look like she’s paying attention to the meeting but doesn’t really stretch herself. She’ll make up for it another time but today isn’t it. 

After the meeting she grabs her own coffee and pastry from Pulses and is this time determined to write Bernie’s letter, so she walks back onto AAU and locks herself in her office. She takes her time thumbing through the envelopes in the box, allowing herself to glance at what’s written on some of them, from love, to sorrow to anger, although she’s not convinced, she’ll need to use that last one. She then turns to her own bag and gets out one of the blueys she has in there—she and Bernie had picked up a stack from the post office before her deployment—and her favourite writing pen before sitting down at her desk. She knows she could use the INtouch electronic mail service to send Bernie an email but she wants the first letter she writes her girlfriend to be a handwritten one. 

Dear Bernie,

How!?! How did you ever get time to think so much about my needs while doing all the things you had to do? The idea of the envelopes has filled my heart with joy and all I can say is I’m so damn lucky that I am the woman you want to share your life with.

I had a quick look through the other envelopes, and I cannot believe all of the different occasions you have managed to cover. I do not have the words to tell you how loved this gesture of yours has made me feel. And you say that you don’t think you’re very good at romance!

I’ve got so much more I want to write but I’ve got to cut this letter short as your red phone is pulling me away from my break, but I promise to write again soon. 

All my love, darling…

Stay safe, soldier.

Serena x

The red phone call leads to a complicated surgery. Serena stays with the trauma patient and completes the surgery, even if it does mean that it’s two hours past her shift when she finally finishes. By the time she gets home and into bed she’s at least so tired and in need of rest that she doesn’t have as much time to miss Bernie, so she falls asleep much more easily than she had the previous night. 

[berenaadvent]

Berena Advent 2024?

Do we want one???

[lilolilyr]

My second @berenaadvent prompt fill for the year! 2024 Day 1: Tangerine • all years

1k, rated T, no archive warnings apply

ft. adult & alive Ellie, recently established Berena, and a cold day in December

Summary: Serena wants to spend some quality time together with both her girlfriend and her daughter, and is taking them out to the Christmas market for the afternoon. While Elinor still likes to cause some trouble, it goes better than Serena would have expected.

[akaanonymouth]

Look who rose from the dead and published a Thing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56341735

[willowandlily]

hello berena fandom if you're interested:

I had an idea for a college au (uni) where berena met at albies and serena became an honourary flatmate to bernie raf and fletch (in this world she lives at home, with adrienne). It would be a slow bern, the kind where it's a friendship with blurred lines, that ties in some of the canon but I'm not sure how much yet. The issue is that I really love berena but have not seen holby city, and as such am worried about continuity and character relationships and behaviours and such. therefore I have been working on an angsty little one-shot within this world but focusing on just the two of them, which I will post a bit of below the cut. Was just wondering if anyone with better knowledge of the wider context of the show would like to pick my brain on this idea/ work off of it/ some third option? If so do let me know! Also let me know if I should finish the one shot? (It may also be good daydreaming/headcannon material, idk)

...

"H-Hello?"

"Hi? Serena, it's Bernie. You... you called me? Oh shit was it a pocket-dial, have I woken you up?"

"Um...no, I-I meant to call you. I hoped you'd be up, but when you didn't answer I thought maybe-"

"I'm up, sorry, my phone was on silent. What's up, are you okay?" Bernie could hear shaky breathing on the other end of the line.

"Um... well... no, not really."

"Shit, 'Rena, has something happened?! Are you hurt??"

The pause that followed made Bernie's heart drop to her stomach.

"Can you let me in? I'm outside the flat."

Bernie instantly put down her plate and rushed (quietly so as not to wake anyone( to the door, hanging up as she reached it. Pulling it open revealed a shivering Serena sat on the doorstep, arms crossed around herself. Upon seeing Bernie, she began to speak, in a harsh voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go." To Bernie's horror she began to cry silently, tears spilling down her cheeks. She dropped to her knees and took Serena's cold face in her hands, thumbs stroking her cheeks as her eyes roamed her body, searching for any visible injuries. Upon finding none, she straightened up, holding out a hand to get the other woman up, helping her to her feet and leading her back into the communal kitchen.

Bernie didn't let go of Serena's hand until they were both sitting on the sofa, facing each other. She desperately wanted to ask what the matter was, but Serena's body language was telling her not to push. The other woman was slightly hunched over where she sat, her back not touching the sofa, as though she were afraid of taking up space, something Bernie had never seen from her before. Serena was wringing her hands in her lap, something Bernie had only seen her do when approached by creepy guys in bars, something that unfortunately happened quite regularly. Well, of course they would want her, Serena was gorgeous. Even with eyes red from crying Bernie still found her the most beautiful woman she had ever met.

"I don't want to go home tonight."

Serena's voice was gravely, and as she spoke she seemed to shrink impossibility further into herself. Bernie couldn't help it: she felt an intense need to comfort her best friend, and reached out to rub her shoulder in an attempt to convey support. The second her palm met the fabric of Serena's top, she let out a small yelp and flinched away. It was a sound of pain, not discomfort, and Bernie was immediately back on red alert. She motioned for Serena to turn so she was facing away from her on the sofa, and as she did so Bernie couldn't contain her gasp at the spots of blood that had seeped through the thin material of her shirt. Serena spun back, refusing to make eye contact, her head lowered. "It's not as bad as it probably looks."

"Serena, who did this to you?"

"I can't, Bern. Please."

"Serena's tone was pleading, and as she spoke she made direct eye contact with Bernie. That, combined with the pet name, signaled her earnestness.

"Okay. We won't talk about it right now. But will you let me look at that for you? I'm not exactly a doctor but I want to help."

...

[sapphicdbc]

4 for the questions.

Hello Anon!

The week has been chocker block so I’m only replying to you now, sorry :)

“4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one?”

I won’t lie anon, I have a good few. I have over 100 drafts of fics that for some dumb reason I never post. I’m working on it though!

I am currently trying to continue Surrender, my Frankie fic.

Otherwise, I have a couple of Melissa Schemmenti x reader fics that I’m working on;

- Melissa and the museum volunteer

- Melissa at an Italian restaurant

-Melissa goes speed dating

-Melissa and the cover teacher

-Melissa and her nighttime love (this is technically two ideas in one and I’m still figuring out what to do...)

I’d be more than happy to share my progress of one of them if interested? Let me know!

And thank you for the question, very appreciated :))

[weeklyberenafix]

Posting will start 1st Feb

So I apologise because I had an awful end to 2023 and a just as bad start to 2024 but I’m going to start posting the weekly prompts from 1st Feb seemed better than randomly starting mid month.

[veganpepsibaby]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Holby City Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell & Bernie Wolfe Characters: Serena Campbell, Bernie Wolfe Series: Part 22 of Lazarus in the Room series Summary:

Serena Campbell arrives at the bedside of a once thought dead Wolfe. Part 21 - January 2022: Bernie and Serena have an important decision to make before returning to Spain.

Thank you for all the hits and kudos for the last part. I have quite a lot of the continuing story written in note form, so have decided to break it down into small parts under the title Flowers in the Window, a favorite Travis song of mine and I think the lyrics are quite fitting.

Thank you for continuing to read my little tale, it's almost two years since I posted my first piece on AO3!

[invisible-slytherclaw]

We have officially reached 100 hits on ‘Sah Brockner and the Philosophers Stone’ on Ao3 🎉

Thank you so much! 😊 It may seem like a little number, but this is quite big for me, as someone who doesn’t post very often and struggles with their confidence in writing.

For those currently reading and waiting for Chapter 5, it is currently still in editing mode. Unfortunately, I have started back at uni this week so I have a little less time to work on it. However, we are still hoping to have it uploaded this weekend. I will, of course, announce it on here when it does get uploaded so keep an eye out 👀

For those who have had the pleasure of just coming across this post during their Tumblr scroll, ‘Sah Brockner and the Philosopher’s Stone’ is a fanfic written by me and @helluvahazbinboss where the characters of Casualty and Holby City are placed in the Harry Potter series as Harry Potter characters. If this piqued your interest, here is the link for you to read it:

[pers-books]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Holby City Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe Characters: Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell, Original Minor Characters, Jason Haynes (Mentioned) - Character, Greta Haynes (Mentioned) - Character, Charlotte Dunn (Mentioned) - Character Additional Tags: Missing Scene, (Three Missing Scenes), Minor Violence, Minor Injuries, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dreams and Nightmares, Christmas, Mogadishu, Spain, a (not) so silent night, Inspired by Music, Berena Winter Event 2022, Canonical Character Death Summary: Three scenes: from Bernie's time in captivity in Mogadishu; from her time in Spain with Serena; from her married life with Serena.

I wrote this for @starfleetwitch‘s choice of David Newman's Once Upon a December for the A (not) so silent night @berena-winter-event.

[moonxshape]

I know I'm not the most connected on Tumblr so unsure if anyone will actually see this. Still - a question!!

Anyone fancy doing a virtual write-in? Only ever done one irl before but it was so flipping wholesome and inspiring and lovely. We hung out at one participant's house for the weekend and shared food and ideas and space; wrote in quiet when we wanted... encouraged each other.....did a lot of solid work on leaving the damn perfectionism behind!

And.....idk, I kinda wanna create this vibe somehow, but am not really in a physical location anymore where it'll work.

Humans of Tumblr who are in any way connected w me??

[madam-wakefield]

Historical Apology

Read on A03

TW: Homophobia Military Homophobia Internalized Homophobia

My work for the @berenaadvent Day 5 prompt “Historical”

Based around the The LGBT Veterans Independent review. Please do heed the homophobia warnings if that may be triggering.

Okay - so maybe this is a slightly stretch at the prompt “Historical” but once the thought was in my head it wouldn’t leave!

———

Serena comes home to fine the house eerily quiet. Bernie has had the day off and had told Serena she was planning to do a few of the DIY jobs that she’d got behind on because it’s July and they’ve spent all of their shared days off outside enjoying the sunshine. It’s not overly late just a little past 7pm and the temperature outside is still pleasant, so she wonders if maybe Bernie is outside, but isn’t convinced as she can’t hear any music playing. Bernie nearly always has music on if she’s tending the garden.

Serena places her shoes on the shoe rack by the front door, doesn’t want to walk through the house with her shoes on especially as she has her garden shoes by the conservatory door. She walks slowly through the house listening for signs of Bernie. Dinner hasn’t been prepped or started, though that in itself isn’t an issue, they are both quite used to eating post 9pm due to their shift patterns. Heads through into the conservatory but knows instantly Bernie isn’t outside due to the presence of her garden shoes on the doormat.

Serena doesn’t panic, there have been times before when she’s come home to a quiet house. Knows it might be a sign that Bernie just needs space, knows that Bernie has been part of things and seen things she will never understand. Knows that sometimes even out of the blue these things can play on her mind. She’ll go and find her girlfriend though, see if it’s space or company she needs and go from there.

She walks back through the house, and heads towards the stairs, it’s only as she approaches the last couple of steps that she can hear the faint sound of the telly coming from their bedroom. Wonders if Bernie has somehow got distracted during the DIY.

She pushes the door open, the shelf Bernie was meant to be putting up is discarded left propped up against the wall, though the brackets have definitely been screwed in. There are tools lay haphazardly on the ground underneath. Shes about to glance at the bed, wonders if Bernie has fallen asleep when the words coming from the TV stop her in her tracks.

The voice is unmistakable as the Prime Minister “The ban on LGBT people serving in our military until the year 2000 was an appalling failure of the British state – decades behind the law of this land.” She feels her own throat tighten at the words, can’t even comprehend the thoughts going through her girlfriend’s head. Wants to move, to say something, anything that might help. But she can only stare at the telly as the clip switches from the Prime Minister to the defence secretary Ben Wallace, can only listen to his words come from the TV screen.

“I am deeply sorry for what happened to you the very tolerance and values of western democracy that we expected you to fight for we denied to you. It was profoundly wrong.” Serena cannot describe the feeling in her chest at the words, the deep-seated heart ache that is so unlike anything she’s ever felt before. Knows the way she’s feeling is only a fraction of how Bernie is feeling. She forces her eyes away from the screen then, forces herself to look at the bed, to her girlfriend sat against the headboard, hunched over with her knees pulled to her chest, body shaking with silent sobs.

Serena walks to the telly, turns it off, walks in big strides over to the bed, slides up to her girlfriend and whispers her name more gently than she thinks she ever has in her life. “Bernie.” There is a pause, maybe for thirty seconds, but then Bernie moves her head, looks up at Serena. The sight before her breaks her heart, Bernie’s eyes red from crying, looking so anguished that Serena feels like her heart shatters.

“Cuddle?” Serena offers it as a question, knows Bernie may still want more space. Waits until Bernie nods before opening her arms. Bernie nestles against her, in a way that’s somewhat unusual for them, more often than not it’s Bernie holding her when they cuddle. Bernie settles her cheek against her chest, and Serena brings her arms around her tightly. Holds her close, rubs her hand gently up and down her arm. Doesn’t say anything else, knows from the time they’ve been together that Bernie will speak once she’s found the right words.

“Thank you,” is the first thing Bernie says, still not totally used to a partner who has her own best interests truly at heart. Shifts so that she can look as Serena as she talks, but instead connects their hands, her own way of grounding herself.

“I’ve known something like this was coming, ever since the report was commissioned. I’d known we’d get some big statement, but I didn’t except it to hit me so hard.” Bernie runs her thumb over Serena’s knuckles as she speaks, reminds herself that this is Serena that this conversation is okay, that Serena will never judge her for anything she has to say.

“I knew even before I was gay that I was destined to join the army. My brother, who should have been the one to join, had a form of childhood epilepsy that despite growing out of as a teen disqualified him from joining for safety reasons. We realised this when he was 16, I’d have been 12. I remember overhearing a conversation between my dad and granddad about the importance of the Wolfe family name carrying on, knew then and there that it was going to be me that carried that burden.” She can see the imagine vividly in her head, sat on their stairs of their house, leaning against the wall as her dad and grandad spoke. “I told them a few days later that I was going to join when I was old enough and I’ll never forget the pride in their eyes” and she can see it even now, can’t help but wonder if that pride would be the same now. She’d made it to major, a rank above them both, but would they be proud knowing that despite the fact she was a major that she’s also gay. She shakes her head gently can’t let that thought come into her mind now.

“As I got older the used to tell me stories, of the things they done, of the people they’d worked with. They made it sound glamorous in a way. Talked to me about what I wanted to do, it was a tradition that the Wolfe’s always entered as officers, and in the end, I decided it was medicine that I wanted to do. Of course, as time passed, I realised that I had feelings for women, knew that it wasn’t even really accepted in society and that it definitely wasn’t accepted in the military. But I pushed it aside knew I had a duty to my family, and that came above my own feeling. The army paid for my medical training, on the agreement that I served for at least 10 years, and I agreed because it took so much pressure off the family.” She feels Serena squeeze her hand as she’s speaking a silent sign that she’s listen that Bernie can keep talking.

“It wasn’t until I first attended officer training that I realised just how unwelcome the true me was there. I was dating Marcus by this point, we’d met at med school, but I knew deep down it wasn’t the real me. We were made to read through reams of paperwork, so we knew what we were signing up for, so we realised we had minimum service terms and such like. I’d always known people like me weren’t welcome in the military but having it written in front of my eyes in black and white was another matter. I can see see the image of the writing on the crisp white paper as if it was yesterday. ‘Any person subject to military law who is guilty of disgraceful conduct of a cruel, indecent or unnatural kind shall, on conviction by court-martial, be liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years.’ I was literally facing being found guilty of a criminal offence, if I so much as let my cover slip, it’s the reason I agreed to marry Marcus, I loved him, just not in the way he deserved, and it was the best protection for me. I’ll never not feel guilty for that, it isn’t what he deserved.

She pauses then, a big sigh coming from her lips, Serena places her hand gently under her chin, makes her look at her. “You did what you had to darling, no one can blame you for that. I know he was hurt when he first realised but I’m sure even Marcus understands deep down. Bernie nods minutely, not convinced totally understands that Marcus probably hate her and that her kids don’t think much better of her.

“I hate myself sometimes for staying, for allowing myself to enjoy being part of an institution that would have criminalised the real me. But I did love it, the army, it quickly became part of who I was. I built a big web of lies that at times even I believed. I rose through the ranks, and I convinced myself that that made it okay, that I’d earned respect despite everything. I lost friends though, a couple of good friends. I still remember as clearly as if it were yesterday the day Officer Cadet Richardson was accused of being homosexual, he’d always spoken about Jamie, but everyone though they were a woman, and of course Richardson, Paul, had never corrected them. You have to realise at this time there were literally teams within the army employed to basically witch hunt any gay people they could, and somehow, they found out, that Jamie was in fact a man. They pulled him out of bed in the middle of the night, read his letters in front of us all, made them seem disgusting by reiterating over and over again that they’d been written by a man. They took him away that night and I never saw him again; we’d been friends since the first day of officer training, and we were a week away from commissioning. That was one of the days I hated myself most for staying, I was Married to Marcus by this point, and I couldn’t afford not to, couldn’t afford for that to be me. But it ate me upside every day that I was willing to be so loyal to an organisation that literally destroyed the lives of people like me brave enough to be their true selves.” Tears are shining in her eyes now, can see the way Paul looked at her as he was dragged away, as if pleading with her to help him, and all she’d done is look away, not wanting to risk looking like she felt sorry for him for risk of outing herself, even with her giant web of lies. She’s quiet for a while now, wonders what the future ended up holding for Paul, if him and Jamie managed to stay together despite everything else.

“How long did it take to change?” Serena asks gently, she’d know the military were behind in their acceptance, but she never realised quite how deep it had run. It stopped being a criminal offence in the army in 1994, scary thought when you think all our children were born by then. But it didn’t become allowed until much later still. Every time there was a new act we were forced to agree to it, it’s one of the few times we could get out of our service outside our usual terms, I remember considering it when the 1995 act was given to me, but by this point I’d got a husband and two children, I’d go far too much to lose, so I was the opposite of brave because it was safer and I knew what to expect.

“Again, I can still see the writing as if it’s right under my face. The act stated amongst other things that ‘homosexuality isn’t compatible with securing the aims of the armed forces, because it undermines the order and discipline necessary for military effectiveness’. It went on to talk about how there was no other job like the military, and well as much I can concur with that that I cannot agree with the reasons they then gave as to why being a homosexual soldier was so wrong. They talked about the close proximity that soldiers live in. That they have no choice but to share same sex living quarters, as if implying the awful stereotype that gay people will want to try and sleep with everyone of the same sex. The worst part of it was the comment about the percentage of under 18s in the army, as if being homosexual made soldiers more likely to try and pray on the younger soldiers, stereotypes that within mainstream society were settling but in the army were being written into legislation that made my true self and the true self of so many others incompatible with jobs we’d literally risked our lives to do, in more ways than one.”

Serena can hear the shame in Bernie’s voice can’t help but put her arm around her and pull her close. Bernie rests her head against her shoulder and continues to speak, Serena knows now she’d opened this very deep seated can of worms that she needs to get it all out.

“I lost a few more friends in the coming years, friends who by every admission of the word are so much braver than I’ll ever be. They were tired of living a lie, wanted to be able to be their true selves, risked losing everything to do so. Something I despite over twenty-five years in the army wasn’t brave enough to do. Alex is notwithstanding in all of this because that was such a closely guarded secret because it was totally not allowed due to our ranks, without taking into the fact I was also married.” Bernie lets the feeling of Serena arm rubbing gently at her side give her the strength to keep speaking, some of the things coming from her lips are things she’s hidden in the depths of her soul for as long as she can remember. They are thoughts and feelings that have plagued her being for year but that she’s never shared with anyone before. She’s got better at sharing her emotions since leaving the army, got better and not hiding behind Great British reserve, especially with Serena. But laying herself so bare is still deeply uncomfortable for her, not because she doesn’t trust Serena but because her mind screams at her that what’s she’s doing and saying is wrong.

“It didn’t change for the better until the millennium, when it was finally allowed. But even then, it wasn’t right. The military has such a deep-rooted hatred of homosexuality that people who were out still faced marginalisation and judgement. They got looked over for promotion and such like. Once again, I could have been brave then, the children were older, but by this point I’d hidden my true self for so long I wasn’t even sure who that was anymore. I of course did what I could, made sure that as an officer of considerable rank that I helped the soldiers who were out and proud as much as possible. I Cut off homophobic comments, ensured soldiers under me got a fair go at promotions, but I still don’t feel like it was enough. Can you imagine how moral boosting it would have been for them people if I’d have been brave enough. What it would have meant to have a highly ranked officer be out and proud. But I couldn’t, I’d got to the point where I hated that part of myself, where I’d have done anything to change it, to really be able to love marcus. I’d have given anything to forget that I looked at woman and saw something innately beautiful.” The tears trickle down her cheeks slowly then, she’s not that woman anymore. Not the woman who hated the fact that she’s gay, she’s out and proud and loves Serena more than life itself. But sometimes the self-hatred she used to have for herself, that comes with years of repressing who you are to the point that you believe it is wrong yourself, is enough to overwhelm her.

She feels Serena thumb gently wiping at her face, knows that she won’t comment on it will just be here to listen for now, until its clear she’s finished.

“I kept that stance for the rest of my career getting promoted through the ranks. I was deployed overseas on multiple occasions include to Iraq and Afghanistan, ended up being promoted to Major, each year things seemed to get slightly better for the soldiers who were out, but I always tried to be the best ally I could even if I still wasn’t out. You know the rest of it from there, my affair with Alex, how it all would have stayed a secret had I not been blown back to reality.”

And Serena does know about that part well, they’ve discussed Alex and the affair in detail. It was clear a few months into their relationship that Serena’s biggest insecurity was that, while she trusted and trusts Bernie that the pain and suffering Edward had put her through, we’re definitely made more present by the knowledge that Bernie had too had an affair. Bernie had opened her heart to Serena, admit in a way that could confuse some that it was like she was a different person. She doesn’t excuse her affair, but she could explain it in some way. That it was like she had two separate personalities the one who was married to Marcus, had two children and would keep their sexuality hidden forever. And this second one who was made to come alive by Alex, that she didn’t do it to hurt Marcus or the kids but because she needed to feel something after so long of hating herself. That in some ways it worked but in others it made her hate herself more as she wasn’t that kind of person.

“You know as well as anyone that if it hadn’t had been for the IED and Alex, that I’d probably still be married to Marcus and still burying that part of me. Though it seems we’ve digressed from the initial point of this conversation.”

Serena’s answer is instantaneous, “But we haven’t though.” Serena says gently, and Bernie’s face is enough for Serena’s thoughts to be confirmed, that she herself needs to step in now and help her girlfriend understand.

“Everything you’ve just told me has led to us being here now.” Serena squeezes Bernie’s hand tightly then because there is no one else she could imagine a future with. “But that doesn’t make it okay, and I don’t mean what you did, I’ve already said you did what you had to. But it doesn’t make it okay that you had to. Does that make sense?” Bernie shakes her head gently, and Serena is so glad their relationship is built upon trust and honestly, that it’s allowing them to have this conversation.

“From what you’ve said to me today, I get why you behaved and acted the way you did for so long. I get why you hid the real you. You were forced so wrongly to do what you did; you made a choice to make your father and grandfather proud, but in doing so you were given no choice but to hide who you truly are. By the time you did have a chance to be honest about any of it, you’d been forced for too long to lie about it that it was too late. The damage had already been done. You’d already been forced to be something and somebody you were never destined to be. You should never have been put in that position and no one who hasn’t been in that position will ever understand what the mental torture of that did to you.”

“But it’s partially my fault, I chose to join, and I chose to stay. I can’t complain not when my colleagues were literally stripped of their medals, tortured and criminalised for it. That I at least got a choice to see it through to the end.”

“But that’s the point I’m making, it should never have been a choice the way it was. You shouldn’t have been made to choose between your true self and making your dad and grandfather proud, in continuing the Wolfe family name. Those two things shouldn’t have been mutually exclusive. The fact you were made to hide yourself to the point we both know you hated yourself is wrong. I think right now in your head you think that this apology for all the historic hurt that has been caused doesn’t include you. That because despite everything you managed to stay in the army to become a renowned front line trauma surgeon and medic. I think you don’t think you deserve this apology. I don’t think that you understand that while your colleagues and friends went through their own traumas with their sexuality being discovered that you went through your own kind of emotional trauma. The constant worry of being found out, either by the army or Marcus or the kids. The fact that you took on board so much of what was said to you that you literally hated yourself for being gay, something that you know as well as I do, you have absolutely no control over tells me that you deserve this apology just as much as anyone else. That you were hurt by the historic ban and far from thinking you aren’t brave you should know just how bloody brave you were, you are, be here where you are right now.”

She’s not sure at which point during Serena’s words the tears come, but come they do and they don’t seem to stop. She is pulled into Serena arms allows the steady beating of Serena’s heartbeat to calm her, to remind her that she did make it thought. That maybe Serena is right and she does have a right to accept the apology for the unacceptable historical chapter of the armed forces that was part of so much of her service. That she isn’t the one who needs to be ashamed, she’s risked her life for her country and that the only thing that was wrong in any of it was the institutionalised hatred she was forced to face every day. That on the contrary she has so much to be proud of, that she won’t ever let anyone make her ashamed again for being the LGBT veteran that she is and always will be.

[berenaadvent]

PROMPTS

For me to have any chance of getting this going in time for the first of December I need as many one word prompts off you all as possible - you can send as few or as many as you like but please make such each is one individual word and not a phrase.

[lilolilyr]

1k, rated G, no warnings, AU meet-cute

Thanks for the inspiration, @berenaadvent! <3

Spoilery summary below the cut:

Back from her last deployment and in the middle of a messy divorce, Bernie tries to appease her daughter by buying her favorite fruit: tangerines. Meanwhile, Serena has just unwittingly bought the last ones at the market right before Bernie can ask for some - but of course, Serena is willing to help out a fellow mother of a difficult teenage daughter! That Bernie is nice to look at doesn't hurt, either...

My Berena tag list, lmk if you want on/off it: @sapphicdbc @akaanonymouth @starfleetwitch @madam-wakefield @shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn

[samanthamarkle92]

Had some art made by @pickle-bandit for my Kian fics! Here's Kian with his toddler daughter Farrah! So cute!

[weeklyberenafix]