#FirstTimeFicWriter

[lexieqq2]

I'm trying to convince myself I should start writing the HP au fic I have been planning for a long time. It's a slow burn Snape x OC, inspired by an older fanfic, The Knight Errant Chronicles by Guernica. It involves Fae folk, soul magic, prophecy and destiny. I'm still figuring out where chapter one should pick up and this is just a random exchange between Sirius and Lexiwyn, (my OC) from later in the story. Just needed to write it while I felt inspired!

Sticks and Stones

Her breathe stilled in her chest, her eyes fixed on his. All she could hear was her heart's steady beat as his muttered words sank in. It wasn't as if it was something she hadn't called herself before, though only half seriously and never out loud, but to hear it hurled at her hurt more than she could have anticipated.The Order's Whore. Another beat and she rememberd where she was and her eyes flicked to the other order members around the table. Remus placing a hand to Sirius' arm, quietly hushing him as if the damage wasn't already done. Tonks and Charlie both on their feet now, glaring at Black, Tonks fuming with fists clenched while Charlie braced himself on the table leaning towards Sirius, "Watch your mouth", he growled protectively. Dumbledore merely gave Sirius a reproachful look and McGonagall a disgusted gasp of "Sirius!".

She could see Helm was on high alert, eyes watching everyone as his wand hand twitched, ready to have her back should things escalate. Snape was the only one not looking at Sirius. His piercing black eyes never left hers. His only movement the rise and fall of his chest. She remembered to breath again. A slow steady breathe. 

"Thank you for that wonderful insight, Black." She kept her voice steady and low, and hopefully cutting. "It's good that you have finally found something to contribute at the meetings. I'm not sure how useful it is but plus one for effort."

Her words found their mark and Sirius nearly knocked his chair back as he jumped to his feet, his arm coming up to point a finger at but clearly he was unable to find a sharp enough comeback. He shrugged off Remus's hand from his shoulder and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Well maybe now we can focus on the agenda with out worry of further petulant outbursts" Snape barely suppressing a smirk as he spoke.

The meeting continued around her, accounts of guard duty and surveillance swirling on the edges of her attention, not really sinking in. Do they all think it of me? she thought, Is there any point in trying to put the record straight? She imagined herself speaking up, maybe when Albus closes with his usual "Any other business?" Clarifying that she had not in fact slept with Lucius and had no intention of doing so, reminding them they were the ones who wanted a second double agent and the Lucius was her only way in. An old memory of a movie line muggles often quoted surfaced "The lady doth protest too much." and she instantly dismissed the idea. She sat mutely through the meeting, nodding when appropriate and trying to keep her expression interested, and joined the others in a slight shake of her head when "any other business?" was asked.

Did she imagine it or did the others avoid meeting her eye as they all gathered their things and filed out of the room. She hung back as the room cleared, busying herself with straightening out the chairs until she heard the click of the door close behind her.

"Fuck" she sighed as her composure cracked and her breathe became more ragged as she fought the pricks of tears she could feel in the corner of her eyes. She needed to find something substantial to bring to the table and soon. She had little concern regarding Black's personal opinion of her, but she held most of the order members in high regard and some of their opinions mattered to her more than she would like to admit. There was plenty enough prejudice towards Fae and their perceived promiscuity going around with out it being added to by the likes of Sirius Fucking Black. No, she had to prove him wrong. Prove that her mission was worth more to the Order than Black's meagre offerings (she often wondered whether Albus only designated Grimmauld Place as headquarters to ease Black's fragile ego as he had nothing else to give, there were plenty of other safe houses at the Orders disposal and none of them had long dead, bigoted lunatics screaming at them from their portraits.) Black could call her what he liked but she knew her actions had real value for their cause, a sullied reputation was a fair trade for more information.