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thislovintime · 1 month ago

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1967 and 2012; photos by Michael Ochs Archives and Leigh-Anne Dennison.

By popular demand, a comprehensive collection of Peter and Michael quotes:

KDWB radio, August 1967

“Michael used to run a hootenanny at the Troubadour in West Hollywood, and so I met him there. But that’s all, just to say hi to, pretty much.” - Peter Tork, GOLD 104.5, 1999

“I have a great deal of respect for Mike as a musician and a songwriter. He’s very good. He could make it on his own easily. Also he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.” - Peter Tork, Flip, August 1967

“Mike’s a song writer, one of the best in the country.” - Peter Tork, The San Francisco Examiner, November 23, 1968

“I remember staying at Mike’s house in Hollywood when we first started filming the series. It was the upper story of a two-story building on a little hillside. Mike’s wife, Phyllis, was wonderful. Mike and I laughed a lot and played music together. I remember that time very fondly.” - Peter Tork, When The Music Mattered (1984)

“Michael was very kind to me at the outset. He put me up through the entire shooting of the pilot process. He and his wife had a wonderful little apartment just big enough for a guest on the day bed, which overlooked Hollywood. I remember a Thanksgiving Day when the air was crystal clear in a way that I’ve never seen it before or since in L.A., and you could see all the way out to Catalina. It was wonderful. That crystal clarity symbolizes the whole era for me. Mike and I wrote a few things together. We were very comradely and very buddy buddy, and it was a wonderful time, with Mike’s then wife, Phyllis, and Christian, their little infant baby. The early days of the pilot shooting were just great by my lights and I had a wonderful time.” - Peter Tork, quoted in Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees (1996)

“After [Peter] went down for the first interview, I asked how how he felt he did and he said, ‘Well, it looks good. I’ll see how things go.’ And they kept calling him back. He liked Michael Nesmith. That was the first thing that happened.” - Stephen Stills, Tiger Beat, July 1967

(Please read the following quote with a grain of salt. While the author, Glenn A. Baker, interviewed Boyce, among other people, for this book, Boyce’s recollection isn’t, to the best of my knowledge and research, verified by a second first-hand account.)

“I did give Peter a voice audition on Saturday’s Child but I had to finally say, ‘look Pete, I can’t play banjo and you can’t sing. If I played the banjo I’d sound like you singing, I have to erase the tape.’ So Peter left in a huff and came back with Michael, who pulled off his motorcycle helmet, crashed it down onto the console and demanded ‘why don’t you let Peter sing? You guys never let us come to the sessions, it’s just you two with Davy and Micky.’ So I said ‘well that’s the way it should have been in the first place Michael, you know what I mean? You should have stayed with the Randy Sparks Trio.’ In the end we let him do a couple of tracks on his own just to calm the situation down a little.” - Tommy Boyce, Monkeemania: The True Story of The Monkees (1997)

“When I heard that frail banjo over the top of my 12-string [on 'You Told Me'], I thought, ‘Boy, this is good. This is really, really good.’” - Michael Nesmith, YouTube, 2019

“At the Troubadour […], Peter Tork strolled in, banjo on his knee. Later, in-between ‘Alvin’ and a great banjo finger-picker, Peter yelled a hello to Mike Nesmith, who was standing in the upstairs darkness and the two fell into a hilarious patter routine. Peter climbed out long enough to display great talent, great warmth, great humor and, in general, a great personality. Mike did the same when, later, I asked him how the album was coming. ‘Album? Oh, Uh huh. Nice weather, yes? Album’s gonna be good. How are you. Hi, Pete, how’s the album?’” - Ginni Ganahal, TeenSet Magazine, February 1968

Q: “Being that your tastes were similar, and you both were the first to leave the group, why didn’t you form a group with Peter Tork?” Michael Nesmith: “I don’t like Peter Tork — never have liked him, I don’t like him as a man. I have to qualify that now: Me not liking somebody doesn’t mean that they’re bad people — he could do a lot of wonderful things for and to me. Not liking someone to me is a very gut reaction — a very visceral attitude. The first reaction to Peter was one of dislike. I don’t like him, I have never liked him, and I probably will never like him. I didn’t enjoy playing in a band with Peter, and I still don’t. Our tastes were much the same, our political beliefs were similar, our ideas of fun, pleasure, our intellectual capacity, our ability to talk to each other — we were very much alike. I have a great respect for Peter — his technical abilities on an instrument and the positions he took were well conceived ideas, always a posture with a motive, never emotional. I don’t like my mother. She happens to be a very nice lady — never done anything that would make me not like her — but I don’t. I like my wife.” - Hit Parader, February 1972” - Hit Parader, February 1972

“There’s one song ['Come On In'] that Peter Tork sings on that Missing Links album where he sounds absolutely super. He sounds great; he’s right on the button. Sings it good and he wasn’t supposed to be a singer. The other guys were always pushing him out and Mike Nesmith was always sort of like threatening him, putting his fist through the wall doing all this kind of shit. I’m sure Peter could kick his ass if he wanted to, but he never did. Unbelievable.” - Davy Jones, The Monkees Day By Day

Q: “Are you thinking about doing any recording in the near future? An album, perhaps?” Peter Tork: “I’d like to. I haven’t got any way of getting started. If you look around, you’ll see that you’re not exactly sitting in the luxurious mansion that someday who went through the money I did would be expected to be living in. As a matter of fact, I’m living pretty close to the bone right now. I’ve got my picture out in the Hollywood circles, and I’m getting some gigs. I’m thinking about doing some commercials. If I ever get enough money together, I’m going to go into the studio and make enough demos to get an album made. I’ve got some new material I’ve written, like ‘Ladies’ [sic] Baby,’ which would make a good album cut. If worse comes to worst, I’ll just make an album myself.” Q: “Have you considered Michael Nesmith’s Pacific Arts label? Your bass and his lead guitar supplemented one another superbly.” PT: “Michael at that time was somewhat of a reticent fellow. He had a hard time giving anything away, in terms of praise. He’s changed a lot. Before the transformation, he was a pretty begrudging fellow. He was not given to compliments. I have not come to know him very well since his transformation. I was thinking about getting him involved. If I have anything to show him, I’ll definitely get it to him. I hope he’s interested.” - Blitz!, May/June 1980

“Well, I have only the vaguest memory of coming close to recording for Michael’s label. I actually believe that nothing whatever was ever done. I’m not even sure I laid down a single track. Your letter reminds me that there was some indication of a potential project, but I think that’s about as far as it went. I have no direct info about Geffen’s dumping Michael’s label. He himself might be a better source. Check out his website, videoranch.com. Thanks for asking. Take care. Peter” - Ask Peter Tork, The Daily Panic, 2008

“Michael’s in a force field of his own and not much gets in there.” - Peter Tork, TV Guide, June 2000

“I still have a lot of respect for Michael.” - Peter Tork, WDBB, February 2006

"I have a lot of respect for Mike Nesmith and we’ve structured ways to work together." - Peter Tork, Phawker, circa 2012; re-published 2019

“You should’ve heard Mike singing some of those old Jimmie Rodgers The Singing Brakeman songs. He was so good, that stuff was just — you know, that stuff just warmed the cockles of my heart, you know. He could just do that stuff all day long. Just — I could just sit at his feet and listen to that for hours.” - Peter Tork, WHNN-FM, 2012

“Well, I’ve never been really close with Michael [Nesmith] for some reason. You know, I have a lot of respect for him and admiration. But somehow we’ve never integrated. We’ve never been warm with each other. We worked together and did pretty well at it really." - Peter Tork, Clevescene, March 13, 2017

“There are two common and, to me, repugnant notions about the Monkees. Number one, that I was the only one who had any talent, which is patently absurd. It’s as unfair and as unkind as it is stupid. The other one is that I was the only musician. I wasn’t the only musician and I wasn’t much of a musician. Peter was a much more skillful player than I was by some orders of magnitude. He wasn’t a singer nor was he a writer. What I was able to do was write tunes — I could sort of pull those out of a ht. But they weren’t very good, were they? I mean, they were the tunes that were on the show from time to time, so that’s what made the, seem better than they were.” - Michael Nesmith, Monkees Tale (1985)

“Everyone was accomplished—the notion I was the only musician is one of those rumors that got started and won’t stop—but it was not true. Peter was a more accomplished player than I by an order of magnitude, Micky and Davy played and sang and danced and understood music.” - Michael Nesmith, Rolling Stone, March 8, 2012

"There really couldn't be two more incompatible characters. Mike is pragmatic, Peter is ethereal. Peter is laid-back, Mike is impatient. Mike is oil, Peter is water." - Micky Dolenz, I'm A Believer: My Life of Monkees, Music, and Madness (1993)

"I will miss him — a brother in arms. Take flight my Brother." - Michael Nesmith, Facebook, February 2019 Q: "You were talking to the press in Australia a few months back and you said something about Peter Tork that surprised a lot of fans. You said, 'I never liked Peter and Peter never liked me.' I’d never heard that before." Michael Nesmith: "It was something that was known on the set [of the Monkees’ TV show]. They knew Pete and I went our own ways. This wasn’t a dislike of someone who had committed some infraction against me or some sort of crime. It was just, 'Oh, this guy eats those little noodles and I don’t like ’em and I can’t eat with the guy.' It was kind of an off-putting thing. It was, 'Oh, he likes to play paintball and I don’t like to play paintball.' So we never played paintball, but every once in a while we’d find ourselves in the same paintball park because we owned it, so we had to keep it clean and do all the stuff we had to do and we did do it. We didn’t have too many civil words to say to each other, but we also didn’t fight all the time. We just didn’t say much. There wasn’t a lot to say. Peter would play me the songs that he thought were good and I didn’t. And I would play him the songs I thought were good and he wouldn’t. Then we just left it at that. Partners in silence." - Rolling Stone, December 3, 2019

Australian TV interview, 2019

#Peter Tork #Michael Nesmith #long post #Peter and Michael #The Monkees #Monkees #Tork quotes #can you queue it

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ateez-himari · 6 months ago

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FORMER LEADER MEETS MAKNAE

At the request of former B.A.P leader, Bang Yongguk, a conversation sparks with one of the industry's most artistic idols.

May 21, 2024 (1:28PM)

Third generation rapper Bang Yongguk uploaded an unexpected video to his YouTube channel, around a month following his new album, in which he documented a meeting with ATEEZ's youngest member and songwriter, Himari. In contrast to what many believed when seeing the title it was in fact not their first time interacting with one another as they had filmed a dance challenge in the summer of last year. On that day however it was arranged by the senior artist due to his curiosity regarding the vocalist's impressive credits as well as her unique artistic expression, claiming that he viewed her as one of the industry's rare aces.

Despite B.A.P's unfortunate disbandment in 2019 following a lawsuit against their company, it was expressed multiple times throughout the years that she held a great respect for him and found great inspiration in the way that he pursued his own creativity. It was through one of those passionate ramblings that the rapper caught wind of the maknae's name, the young woman immediately catching his attention with her often emotional additions in b-sides.

'There was something about the way you wrote certain feelings, the strict work ethic that you showed in videos and the realness in your personality that made me curious. You're also producing quite a lot for someone this young so I wanted to meet you, to see who was the girl everyone started talking about, good or bad comments alike.'

In the beginning of their conversation he mentioned that listening to the single 'Pray', made in collaboration with Agust D, was especially painful due to the vulnerability being expressed through such raw lyrics that seemed poured directly from their hearts. However it was her solo track 'Shadow' in the group's most recent album that made the heaviest impression not only for the heartbreaking side of the story but also the interesting production techniques she had used, each being carefully crafted to fit a specific narration.

Throughout the two hour long video netizens were able to witness a connection slowly form between these two artists, with the eldest having prepared some activities such as a short painting session as well as cooking dinner to break the ice. Despite the maknae's initial nervousness towards being alone with one of her favorite rappers , conversation seemed to flow rather easily due to her senior's attentive listening and their time together ended with a warm hug along with a promise to meet again in the near future.

The conversation topics ranged from lighthearted ones such as small anecdotes from their respective lives or the senior's endless curiosity regarding his junior's creative mind to much darker themes such as mental health, but in the end both seemed so at ease with one another's presence that there was never a dull moment.

'You seem like you make friends very easily' Yongguk had remarked. 'Your personality is very warm, even though when you first arrive at my home you seemed very nervous...I think I saw your hands shaking a little bit.'

The last few minutes revealed that he had requested she leave the painting done during their short activity, proceeding to frame it in his living room, claiming that it added life into the house and would ensure he is always reminded of this encounter. The vocalist on the other hand excitedly showed off a polaroid already placed in her phone case to the camera, the image simply being the two posing cutely yet meaning much more to her as the rapper had been an idol of hers for a very long time.

Other artists from older generations have expressed a desire to meet the rapidly rising songwriter, with legendary rapper G-Dragon sharing songs produced by her through Instagram stories with encouraging phrases in which he often conveyed support.

'The songs she created for Taemin had something that seperated them from other albums coming out at the time, so I really want to work with her one day.' Taeyang (BIGBANG)

'We've talked briefly a few times and it always seemed like she had so many things to share, so I'd like to hear them. She's also one of the few people who truly excels in every aspect of the industry.' Moonbyul (MAMAMOO)

'Your sister [to Yoongi] takes after you for a lot of things it seems, both with the outspoken lyrics and never ending creativity. How old was she when she started working with Taemin...18? She's still young but already so influential. You should bring her with you next time so we can meet.' IU

'She's worked with us...twice I think, on 'Reason' and 'NO LIMIT'. I didn't see her a lot because of schedules but when I listened to the drafts she made I was really impressed by what she created alone. She's improved a lot since then so I'd like to meet up for an album again.' Joohoney (MONSTA X)

While the maknae is sparking quite the conversations amongst the industry's most notable names, ATEEZ as a whole have been rapidly climbing their way to the top lately, with media outlets granting them the title of 'Powerhouse of K-Pop'. Netizens are already bracing themselves for the upcoming comeback on May 31st, which promises to shake the charts once more as they challenge themselves to work even harder.

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#ateez imagines #ateez au #ateez 9th member #ateez extra member #ateez female member #kpop oc #himarinews♡

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nausicaamusiclover20 · 27 days ago

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Hello)) Blame this on my grandma, I watched too many soap operas with her growing and we still do it 😂

So basically 2022 James x younger reader maybe she was his sponsor after he got out of rehab after 2019 relapse and she stayed him him during the pandemic (let’s pretend he divorced earlier than 2022, im not a home wrecker) and obviously it evolved into romance. Since he got vasectomy, they kinda weren’t very careful with protection, but it’s actually proven that these can fail, so she finds out she’s pregnant. Of course he doesn’t believe her and thinks she cheated and demands a DNA test. Having no options and feeling betrayed by his behavior, she moves out and they do a tests a few months later. Of course it comes back confirming he’s the father, but she also sends him something like NDA saying that she will never file for child support and will not disclose him as the father + the note that she doesn’t want to do anything with him as he betrayed her by accusing her of cheating. So the moment they have a break in tour he comes to beg for forgiveness? It takes her a while but she finds the strength to forgive him? And then she even joins them on tour and even goes to labour at the end of one of their shows (that’s actually happened with one of the fans)

Damn those TV shows did make sure my fantasies run wild 🫢

Don’t worry, how many times watching a series I made a lot of mental films (and it’s better not to know them🤭) I hope you will like it!❤

A New Beginning

I could still hear the echo of the accusations in my head, ringing louder than the sound of the tour buses or the distant crowds that gathered for Metallica’s show tonight. “You cheated, didn’t you? You couldn’t have gotten pregnant by me… it’s impossible!”

I closed my eyes, trying to suppress the flood of hurt that still rose in my chest every time I thought about it. I’d never cheated, never given him a reason to doubt me. I had stood by him through his darkest moments, through rehab, through the pandemic lockdowns when the world felt like it was falling apart. I gave him my heart, my love, my everything. And in return, he gave me distrust.

The memory of how we met flickered in my mind like an old film reel—those early days, before the weight of fame and fear crushed us under its heel.

I had been his sponsor after his 2019 relapse. A fresh face among the older, battle-worn members of the program, I hadn’t expected to be assigned to someone like James. I still remember that first meeting—how he slouched into the room, the weight of the world on his shoulders, his eyes distant, almost lifeless. His tattoos were visible beneath the sleeve of his worn-out leather jacket, and his hands trembled slightly as he held a paper cup of coffee, more like a shield than a drink.

He was a legend, a rock god, someone I had grown up listening to, but none of that mattered in that room. There, he was just another man struggling to find his way back from the brink.

I had introduced myself, unsure of how someone like me could even begin to help someone like him. But as the days passed, we found an unexpected rhythm. He was raw, real, and unfiltered, and I wasn’t afraid to call him out on his bullshit when he tried to downplay his struggles.

“You’re not invincible, you know,” I had told him once during one of our private sessions, my arms crossed as I stared at him down. He had tried to laugh it off, but I didn’t let him. “You might be James Hetfield to the world, but in here? You’re just another person trying to get better. And if you want this to work, you’re going to have to face the hard stuff.”

To my surprise, instead of pushing back, he had listened. Really listened. And slowly, over time, the walls he had built around himself started to crumble. We spent hours talking, not just about his addiction, but about life, music, and everything in between. I saw glimpses of the man beneath the rock star, the man who had been buried under years of fame and pressure.

The pandemic hit not long after, and somehow, through all the uncertainty and isolation, we grew closer. What started as a professional relationship morphed into something else—something deeper, more intimate. The nights were long, filled with shared stories and quiet moments where it felt like we were the only two people left in the world. And somewhere in the midst of it all, I fell in love with him.

He was still broken in so many ways, but I loved him for it. I thought I could help him heal. I thought I could be the one to put him back together.

But I hadn’t expected him to break me in the process.

Now, months later, here I was, sitting alone in the apartment I had moved into after his betrayal. The DNA test had proved him wrong, of course. The baby was his. But that didn’t matter. Not anymore.

I absentmindedly placed a hand on my growing belly, feeling the flutter of movement beneath my fingertips. A bitter smile tugged at my lips. He knew now, without a doubt, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about what he thought. I had sent him the NDA weeks ago, making it clear I didn’t want anything from him. No child support. No public acknowledgment. Nothing. It was his choice to betray me, to accuse me of something so vile, and I would never forget that.

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. I hesitated for a moment, not expecting anyone. Slowly, I stood, heart racing for reasons I couldn’t quite place, and opened the door.

It was him.

James stood there, looking more worn out than I had ever seen him. His eyes were puffy, as if he hadn’t slept well for days, and his shoulders were hunched, weighed down by regret. His gaze met mine, and for the first time in months, I saw something I hadn’t expected—tears. He blinked them away quickly, but not before one slid down his cheek.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, keeping my voice steady even though my emotions were anything but.

He shifted nervously, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. “Can I come in?”

I wanted to slam the door in his face. I wanted to tell him to leave and never come back, but a part of me—a small, treacherous part—still longed for the man I had once loved, the man I had thought he was before everything went to hell. So, against my better judgment, I stepped aside and let him in.

The silence that settled between us was heavy, oppressive. I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to speak, to explain why he was here after everything he had done.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, his voice rough and low. “I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t respond. What was there to say? Sorry wasn’t going to erase the hurt or make up for the months of pain I’d gone through because of his accusations.

“I was scared,” he continued, taking a hesitant step toward me. “I didn’t want to believe it because… I didn’t think I deserved it. You, the baby… any of it. I thought it was too good to be true, and I freaked out. I messed up. I know I did.”

“Damn right, you did,” I snapped, my emotions finally bubbling over. “I gave you everything, James. I stood by you when no one else did, and the second I needed you, you turned your back on me. You accused me of cheating—like I was some random groupie. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

His eyes dropped to the floor, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I know. I know, and I hate myself for it. I was wrong. You didn’t deserve that.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Why are you here? What do you want?”

He looked up at me, his eyes brimming with emotion. “I want to make things right. I can’t take back what I said, but I want to be there for you—for the baby. Please… I can’t lose you.”

For a long moment, I just stared at him, the weight of his words hanging in the air. His lips trembled, his hands shaking as they reached out for me, and that’s when I saw it—more tears. They fell silently, streaking down his face, and it shook me to my core. James Hetfield, the man who never showed vulnerability, was standing in front of me, broken and pleading.

“You already lost me,” I whispered, feeling my heart crack all over again. “The moment you accused me, you lost me.”

He took another step closer, his hands reaching for mine but stopping short when I didn’t move. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I’m sorry, that I love you.”

I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over, torn between the love I still felt for him and the pain he had caused. “It’s not that simple.”

“I know,” he said softly, his voice breaking. “But I’m not giving up. I’m going to fight for you, for us. I love you. I always have.”

The vulnerability in his voice, the raw emotion, broke something in me. For the first time in months, I saw the man I had fallen in love with, the man who had been buried beneath his fears and insecurities.

“I don’t know if I can trust you again,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

James nodded, his eyes glistening. “I’ll earn it back. I promise.”

We stood there, both of us broken and scarred, but maybe—just maybe—there was a chance to heal. I wasn’t ready to forgive him, not yet. But as I looked into his eyes, I realized I wasn’t ready to walk away either.

___________________________________________________________

Months had passed since that heart-wrenching conversation, and though the pain hadn’t entirely vanished, we had started to rebuild—piece by fragile piece. James and I had taken things slow. He had apologized countless times, not only with words but with his actions, showing up for every doctor’s appointment, staying by my side during the hardest days of pregnancy, and fighting to earn back the trust he had shattered.

By the time the band’s tour kicked off, I had grown more comfortable with the idea of us—tentatively agreeing to join him for a few weeks. There was something cathartic about seeing him on stage, in his element, pouring his heart into the music. It was the same passion I had fallen for, the raw energy that made him who he was.

That night, the crowd roared as the band played their set. I stood backstage, watching James from behind the curtain. The energy of the performance was electrifying, but as the night wore on, I felt an unusual pressure in my belly. It started out mild, but soon a sharp pain gripped me. I pressed a hand to my stomach, my breathing becoming shallow.

I knew what it was. The baby was coming.

Another wave of pain surged, and I leaned against the wall, trying to steady myself, but it was no use. My knees buckled slightly, and panic flared in my chest. No, not now, not during the concert!

I winced, unable to call out over the blaring music and the chaos of the backstage area. The crew was bustling around, completely unaware of my situation. My vision blurred, but I managed to catch the eye of a stagehand nearby, my voice barely a whisper as I gasped, “Get�� James…”

Her eyes widened in alarm when she saw the state I was in. Without hesitation, she rushed off, navigating through the flurry of activity until she reached the side of the stage. She tapped on the shoulder of the band’s tour manager, urgently pointing toward me, and within moments, a message was relayed to James over the in-ear monitors.

It didn’t take long. Within seconds, James glanced toward the side of the stage, his expression shifting from focused to alarmed. The guitar in his hands stilled mid-song, and the rest of the band kept playing as he tore off his in-ear monitors, rushing offstage toward me.

By the time he reached me, another contraction hit. I was clutching my stomach, struggling to breathe.

“The baby’s coming,” I managed to say between breaths, my voice weak. “Now.”

James’ face went pale. “Oh God, okay, okay… we need to get you to the hospital.”

He quickly helped me up, supporting me as I leaned on him, and together we moved through the maze of equipment and crew members. The sirens wailed in the distance as we made our way to the ambulance parked outside.

Once inside, James squeezed my hand tightly, his brow furrowed in worry. “You’re going to be okay. I’m right here,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady, but I could hear the tremor beneath it.

The drive to the hospital felt like an eternity, each contraction more intense than the last. James stayed focused on me, whispering encouraging words, but I could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

Finally, we arrived at the hospital, and I was rushed into the delivery room. The world outside faded as I focused on the task at hand, the pain consuming me but accompanied by James' steady presence.

After what felt like hours, the moment finally arrived. The cries of our baby filled the room, and I looked at James, who stood by my side, tears streaming down his face.

James leaned down to press a soft kiss to my forehead, the weight of the past finally began to lift. The room was filled with the soft coos of our newborn daughter, and in that moment, I felt a warmth spreading through me—a mixture of hope and love that I had thought lost forever.

“Can you believe we made her?” James asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he glanced down at our daughter, who was peacefully nestled in my arms.

I smiled, my heart swelling with emotion. “She’s perfect.”

“Just like her mom,” he said, looking back at me with eyes full of adoration. There was a sincerity in his gaze that sent shivers down my spine, a reminder of everything we had been through together.

He gently reached for our daughter, and I carefully transferred her into his arms. The moment our baby was in his embrace, his expression softened, transforming into one of sheer wonder. He gazed down at her as if he had just been handed the greatest treasure in the world.

“Look at her,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “She has your smile.”

I watched as James became utterly enchanted, rocking her softly as if to soothe a restless heart. “But those eyes,” he continued, his breath catching in his throat, “she has my eyes.”

I leaned closer, gazing at our daughter, and my heart swelled with love as I saw the truth in his words. “You’re right. She has your eyes,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “And your spirit, I can tell already.”

James grinned, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I can’t believe I get to be her dad,” he said, emotion pouring from him. “I promise to always be here for you, for both of you. I want to build a future—a real future—with you.”

A thrill of excitement raced through me. “Really? You mean that?”

“Absolutely,” he replied, looking up at me, his gaze steady and sincere. “I’ve learned so much about myself, about us. I won’t let fear or mistakes dictate our lives anymore. I want to be a family, to share every moment with you.”

As he continued to cradle our daughter, a soft smile spread across his face. “I can’t wait to teach her about music, to show her the world,” he said, his voice filled with warmth. “I want to be the dad who’s always there, who shows up to every recital, every birthday. I want her to know she’s loved.”

My heart raced at his words, overwhelmed by the love radiating from him. “I want that too,” I said, feeling tears of joy prick at my eyes. “I want to share everything—the good and the bad.”

James took my hands in his, his grip warm and reassuring. “Then let’s do it together. One step at a time.”

As he leaned in, our foreheads touched, and the world around us faded into a soft blur. In that moment, everything felt right. We were two people, imperfect yet wholly devoted to each other, standing on the brink of a new chapter.

“I love you, James,” I breathed, feeling a sense of peace enveloping me.

“I love you too,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion. “Always.”

With a renewed sense of hope for our future, we shared a tender kiss, the promise of a beautiful life ahead lingering in the air.

As he continued to cradle our daughter, he looked down at her with a mixture of awe and determination. “You’re going to be so loved,” he said, his voice a gentle whisper. “And we’re going to take care of each other, always.”

Together, we would face whatever came next—hand in hand, heart to heart, as a family.

#metallica #metallica oneshot #metallica fanfiction #james hetfield angst #angst with a happy ending #jameshetfield #jameshetfieldxreader #james hetfield fluff #james hetfield one shot

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thoughtroomba02 · 9 months ago

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TS Film Thoughts Masterpost

As promised.

Let's start things off -

Breaking News - Headlines about the film

Dec 9 2022 - her film contract makes headlines

From what I can find, this is the first that anyone knows she is producing a film. There are no details released other than it's a script she wrote and she will be directing the film.

The next we hear is Dec 7, 2023 from the Tennessean --

It's been crickets, essentially. There are no public details I can find about the film anywhere including cast list, release date, content, ETC.

Interestingly, two days ago -- though uncertain of validity of source -

I don't have access to puck so cannot confirm what the article says; but this was recent! So; in theory, she finishes her Eras tour and moves directly in to film.

More on how Disney+ ties in our next section...

Who is Searchlight Pictures?

Created April 29, 1994 - formerly known as Fox Searchlight/under 20th/21st Century Fox

Biggest success: Slumdog Millionaire 187 Academy Ward Nominations with 46 wins; 5 Best Picture since 2009 117 Golden Globe Nominations; 51 wins 66 Screen Actors Guild Award Nominations; 55 wins 137 Independent Spirit Awards, 54 Wins

Other Notable Films: 12 Years A Slave; Black Swan; Napoleon Dynamite;

20th century fox, prior to the creation of Searchlight, was prominent in the specialty and independent films market in the 1990s; it carried this interest into Searchlight, at least initially.

In 2012, it was incorporated into Murdoch's 21st Century Fox. Barf.

On Dec 14, 2017 Disney put their first bid out on 21st Century Fox/Fox Searchlight. On March 19, 2019 the companies merged and Disney acquired Fox Searchlight; Fox News notoriously split independently. Disney dropped the name Fox; so now we have just Searchlight Pictures. There is also a Searchlight Pictures TV and shorts production, which for the sake of time I will not get into.

For Funsies, here is a short film (Jun 18 2019, after Disney acquired) produced by them called....LAVENDER. About a gay man who has a relationship with a married gay couple. Can't make it up.

Anyway, since merging with Disney especially, the company seems to be LGBTQ friendly.

And yes, Joe Alwyn has worked with Searchlight, with tweets I found dating back to 2018 with Searchlight UK. Make of that what you would like, I have no real objective commentary on the matter.

Taylor as a Director

She also directed the Long Pond Studio Sessions and Miss Americana.

Most of her directorial work has been since the Lover debut. Most of which is very queer coded/sapphic.. and again, make of that what you will.

Appearances/Pap Walks, ETC

Since her split from JA, we have seen her with multiple friends in the film industry. Among these: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Selena Gomez, Keleigh Teller, Miles Teller, Sophie Turner, Emma Stone...

And dare I say.... Travis Kelce, who seems to want to break his way into the entertainment industry?

(aside from this headline; his failed dating show, his podcast, his multiple PR deals like with ZenWater... etc. I rest my case).

We also know there has been some B roll footage taken at the Chiefs Games.

Additionally, the media coverage of this relationship has been an absolute f*cking circus; with constant headlines of the two and their "engagement" / relationship dynamics. On Taylor's end, we have had constant references to Bejeweled (where she Ghosts); including Keleigh Teller giving her the opal ring.

The Speculation

Yall, this is my opinion - you can agree, disagree, etc; but I have no insider information. Just thoughts.

She makes her film directorial debut with Searchlight - recently acquired by Disney, who is pro-LGBTQ; and is clearly in deep with business deals with them, as seen on Taylor Nation and her Eras Tour Film.

We have rumors of her beginning her film production at the end of the ERAS tour, along with knowledge of her currently with B roll footage from chiefs games. We have multiple highly papp'ed appearances with her + TK; but also with multiple film stars, including Blake Lively (still not over that photo), Sophie Turner (I do think there's altruism here tbh on TS's end), and Keleigh. If you believe Keleigh is her stand in invisible bride.... Holy shit. Between the opal ring shutdown of the media circus as well as her and TS literally taking a page out of TSHOEH and dressing in character...

My ultimate suspicion is that she's using actual experiences of her current life-highly papp'ed - to tell her story. And that Keleigh is her stand in muse in this film.

I also think the @spade-riddles we've been getting about a final act ending, etc, pertain to her film. I don't have evidence aside from speculation.

I rest my case. Enjoy this post and make of it what you will.

#gaylor #kaylor #lgbetty

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hooked-on-elvis · 9 months ago

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[BEHIND THE RECORD - Elvis onstage from 1969 to 1977] "I Can't Stop Loving You"

Written by country singer Don Gibson, who first recorded it in 1957, RCA Victor released "I Can't Stop Loving You" in 1958, and it became a country hit single. The song was covered by many artists over the years, most notable one being Ray Charles, in 1962, due to how he turned the tune into a No. 1 single on the Billboard chart.

Elvis Presley performed the song in many iconic concerts of his career - from 1969 into the 70s.

The first time Elvis Presley was recorded singing "I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU" was during one of the American Sound Studio sessions, on February 1969. It wasn't an official recording tho. A jam version of the tune was recorded while EP was warming up with his musicians so they could cut the songs that would be released in his LPs for the times following — "From Elvis In Memphis" being the album this recording session was intending to create at first.

Not long after this recording session, "I Can't Stop Loving You" was worked up as a number to Elvis' concerts. Rearranged, the song gained a more dramatic tone than we can listen to from how it originally sounded in Elvis' voice at the recording taped at the American Sound Studio previously, so from this moment on Elvis would perform the tune in quite a few iconic concerts of the latter era of his career, the very start being during his comeback to live performances on July/August 1969, onstage at the International Hotel's showroom in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Soundboard audios with "I Can't Stop Loving You" recorded during his concerts, including in 1969, were released on some his live albums throughout the years, such as "FROM MEMPHIS TO VEGAS (IN PERSON)" [recorded in 1969], "ELVIS AS RECORDED AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN" (recorded in 1972) and "ELVIS: RECORDED LIVE ON STAGE IN MEMPHIS" (recorded in 1974).

Live performances of Elvis singing the song were also officially taped, and they are very known to the fans for obvious reasons because they are part of some of the most notable moments of Elvis' history as a performer.

First official taping of EP performing "I Can't Stop Loving You" live took place during one of his engagement seasons at the International Hotel on August, 1970, as released on "Elvis: That's The Way It Is" documentary, then again on April 1972, filmed for "Elvis On Tour" documentary, and not long after that another performance of this tune was filmed during the "Aloha From Hawaii via Satellite" concert, on January 1973.

BUT, BEFORE WE CAN GO TO THOSE FOOTAGES, HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE JAM VERSION RECORDED IN STUDIO IN 1969?

— NOTE FROM AUTHOR I love sharing Elvis' performances of the same song over the years, but what I would really love you to listen to now is the 1969 jam version of the song we're talking about, for it sounds so different from the live performances the fans are already very familiar with. I didn't knew about this recording until a few days ago and I loved it so much that this track is the reason why I needed to talk about this song. You will read about the moment EP was recording this song soon after.

Elvis Presley in the waiting room of the American Sound Studio, early 1969.

▼ FEBRUARY, 1969: "I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU", RECORDED AT THE AMERICAN SOUND STUDIO, MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE.

Song starts at 0:35

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Album: American Sound 1969 (2019)

It was an American Studio tradition: paying tribute to the chief with a rendition of “This Time,” a Chips Moman-penned hit for Troy Shondell in 1961. Elvis had heard about the rite, and he serenaded his producer at the start of the February session with the few lines that he knew, segueing into Don Gibson’s “It’s My Way,” a song he had asked Freddy to check out the year before. Plunking along on his acoustic guitar, laughing at his own mistakes but singing his heart out, he drew the band into another Don Gibson number, “I Can’t Stop Loving You,” which he would transform into a dramatic show-stopper six month later in Las Vegas. Excerpt from "Elvis Presley: A Life In Music" by Ernst Jorgensen and Peter Guralnick.

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— NOTE FROM AUTHOR COOL, ISN'T IT? 😍 Have you heard the 1969 jam session version before? Don't know about you but I just can't stop loving it. So, now let's hear how that baby sound onstage.

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[FOOTAGE]

LIVE PERFORMANCES OVER THE YEARS

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REHEARSAL ▼

July, 1970.

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LIVE ONSTAGE ▼

"Elvis: That's The Way It Is" (August 1970) "Elvis On Tour" (April 1972)

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"Aloha From Hawaii via Satellite" (January 14, 1973)

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RECORDED LIVE ▼

Live at Convention Center Arena, San Antonio, TX (April 18, 1972)

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Live at Madison Square Garden (June 10, 1972)

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High Sierra Theatre at the Sahara Tahoe Hotel, Nevada (May 13, 1973)

Live at Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, TN - March 1974

Song starts at 0:38:

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I can never get enough of how Elvis' history is so amazing. ♥

What are your thoughts about the jam version of "I Can't Stop Loving You" by EP? I'd love to hear from you.

By the way, do you like this track-to-track-history posts? I've written some so far but I have some others I'd like to share too. If you have any requests, any Elvis Presley songs you'd like to know more about the recording sessions or comparisons of the times a same tune was performed live by Elvis over the years, feel free to hit me with it. I sure will have great fun researching it for you.

#elvis presley #elvis #elvis the king #elvis fans #elvis history #elvis fandom #60s elvis #70s elvis #elvis music

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black-arcana · 1 month ago

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LACUNA COIL Announces 'Sleepless Empire' Album, Shares New Single 'Oxygen'

Italian metal titans LACUNA COIL will release their tenth studio album, "Sleepless Empire" — their first collection of new songs since 2019's "Black Anima" — on February 14th, 2025 via Century Media Records. The official music video for the LP's latest single, "Oxygen", filmed in Latina and directed by Daniele Tofani, that shows singer Cristina Scabbia in the lead role, will make its online debut today at 9 a.m. PDT / 12 p.m. (noon) EDT.

Scabbia commented on the track and her experience filming the video: "'Oxygen' is a powerful exploration of emotional struggle and inner conflict. The lyrics convey a sense of drowning in a toxic environment, both literally (in the video) and metaphorically, where attempts at salvation, represented by 'oxygen' are somehow futile. This song encapsulates the feeling of struggling to break free from what holds us down, when the journey is filled with difficulty. It's a raw anthem of vulnerability, resilience, and the courage to face what seems insurmountable. Having to stay in the water for so many hours during the video shoot was cathartic for me, the realization that the pleasant sensation of floating could in an instant become dangerous and deadly if I wasn't careful was very fitting with the song's theme."

Inspiration to create "Sleepless Empire" came during the sessions for "Comalies XX" (2022),the acclaimed remake of LACUNA COIL's breakthrough third record "Comalies". Writing and recording took place in northern Italy between Milano (the band's hometown) and Como, where SPVN Studios are located. As with their previous albums, production was done in house with Marco "Maki" Coti Zelati at the helm, and artwork was hand curated by the talented Italian artist Roberto Toderico. Two other very special talents enrich the album, namely the guest vocalists: LAMB OF GOD's Randy Blythe on the song "Hosting The Shadow" and NEW YEARS DAY's Ash Costello on "In The Mean Time".

As a token of the band's love for the gaming world (which we've seen in past endeavors such as their card game "Horns Up" and their collaboration with Zombicide for which they wrote the track "Never Dawn"),the band have created an oracle "game" to be played with custom made dice available only in the box set version of "Sleepless Empire".

The new album is comprised of 11 tracks; each one is a richly textured soundtrack to a specific time and place. With "Sleepless Empire", that place is dark, cinematic, and unmistakably true to the unique characteristics that have given LACUNA COIL such a celebrated entry in the annals of heavy music.

The band shares: "'Sleepless Empire' captures, through our eyes, the chaos of a generation trapped in a digital world that never stops, where social media consumes identity and every day pushes us one step closer to becoming soulless zombies. We find ourselves in between, having witnessed a full analogic world and the modern one, confronting the evolution and searching for a true meaning of it all. Throughout every song, the journey is an undercurrent of rebellion, a desperate cry to reclaim oneself in an era that seems to have lost its sense of time and reality."

"Sleepless Empire" track listing. 01. The Siege. 02. Oxygen. 03. Scarecrow. 04. Gravity. 05. I Wish You Were Dead. 06. Hosting The Shadow (feat. Randy Blythe). 07. In Nomine Patris. 08. Sleepless Empire. 09. Sleep Paralysis. 10. In The Mean Time (feat. Ash Costello). 11. Never Dawn

Later this month, LACUNA COIL will embark on a tour of U.K. and Ireland with Finland's BLIND CHANNEL. Tickets are available here.

LACUNA COIL played its first concert with the band's new touring guitarist — whose name has not yet been disclosed — on August 4 at the Rockstadt Extreme Fest in Râșnov, Romania.

This past June, LACUNA COIL announced the departure of guitarist Diego Cavallotti.

Cavallotti, who joined LACUNA COIL in 2016, initially as a fill-in guitarist following the exit of Marco "Maus" Biazzi, later said in a social media post that "this decision is not the result of my dissatisfaction or desire to explore new opportunities."

When LACUNA COIL announced Cavallotti's departure on June 17, the band wrote in a statement: "As we step into a new cycle, writing and recording our next album, we are parting ways with Diego 'DD' Cavallotti. We thank him for the many unforgettable moments shared over the years and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavours."

All future live plans remain unchanged and the new songs are taking form, we can't wait to share them with our fans."

LACUNA COIL recently completed the "Ignite The Fire" U.S. tour with support from NEW YEARS DAY and OCEANS OF SLUMBER.

"Comalies XX" was made available on October 14, 2022 via Century Media Records.

LACUNA COIL celebrated the 20th anniversary of "Comalies", by performing it in its entirety at a one-night-only concert on October 15, 2022 at Fabrique in Milano.

"Comalies" was originally released on October 29, 2002 through Century Media Records. The LP, which featured the band's breakthrough single "Heaven's A Lie", has reportedly gone on to sell over 300,000 copies in the United States alone.

Photo credit: Cunene

#lacuna coil #sleepless empire

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salvadorbonaparte · 11 months ago

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2023 in Films

I watched way too many films this year. Here are my opinions on some of them

January

Las Cosas Del Querer (1989) - Amazing if you love sad hot people and flamenco

Canadian Bacon (1995) - Incredibly silly and Alan Alda plays the US president

Nope (2022) - A highlight of the year

February

Hellraiser (1987) - This film is actually about miscommunication in this essay I will-

Predestination (2014) - Time Travel and Gender Moments

Malignant (2021) - Camp horror masterwork

Late Phases (2014) - Mediocre werewolf film with some really interesting comments on ageism, ableism, suburbia and religion

March

Sterne (1959) - Plays into some problematic stereotypes from today's perspective but revolutionary for its time, first German film to address the Holocaust

Major League (1989) - A film I only watched to confirm that it uses a weird phrase I also found in my thesis project

Carry On Screaming (1966) - Camp. Gay. Horror. Parody.

Glen or Glenda (1953) - A product of its time and no longer up to date in its understanding of gender but surprisingly revolutionary in its compassion and earnestness despite the bad reviews

April

Taxi Driver (1976) - Isn't it frustrating when annoying people tell you a film is good and then it's actually good?

June

Mr Deeds Goes To Town (1936) - Mr Deeds has autism swag

El Espíritu de la Colmena (1973) - I really wanted to like this because civil war era Spain and Frankenstein are super up my alley but unfortunately it was so much slower than expected

Das Boot (1981) - Very long and claustrophobic but holds up to the hype

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) - RIP King

July

Nimona (2023) - His big wet eyes bewitched me

First Blood (1982) - You're telling me the film is about Americans fighting an enemy they view as simultaneously weak and dangerous, escalating the situation, and then sending more and more men into a rainforest to die through guerilla warfare after being warned again and again they can't win this? sounds familiar

Barbie (2023) - Insert a bunch of pink emojis

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) - Made me crave bagels

Jojo Rabbit (2019) - God I love war satires

Sweet Liberty (1986) - Alan Alda having fun and also using his own film as a therapy session

The Majestic (2001) - A rewatch but it's so tragically underrated, Jim Carrey is very good in dramatic roles and McCarthy-era media is like catnip for me

Joker (2019) - This is just Taxi Driver with extra steps

August

Tin & Tina (2023) - Probably one of the worst films I have seen in a while

Battle of the Sexes (2017) - I love women

Four Lions (2010) - The ending really got me, I love when satire gets serious

The Sheriff and the Satellite Kid (1979) - Can we talk about how the theme song is just going "I'm the sheriff" "yes you're the sheriff"

Happiness (1998) - Nauseating but in a "good film but what the fuck" way

They Call Him Bulldozer (1978) - Italian Lagaan

The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) - Sad and Gay

Twister (1996) - So much better than expected

Magnolia (1999) - Cloudy with a chance of frogs, a really long but really good film and I'm not entirely sure I got it

Doubt (2008) - Somehow I watched 5 films with Philip Seymour Hoffman that month because I was haunted by his ghost or something

September

The Terminal (2004) - I assumed this to be more of a classic romcom but the whole concept (based on a true story) is so terrifying and tragic that it made me feel all emotions at once

Apocalypse Now (1979) - I knew a lot of trivia about the film but for some reason I didn't know anything about the cast so every single actor was a surprise and made me go "!!!", Also I kinda wanna write an essay about it

October

Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984) - Some of the gay jokes absolutely killed me

Last Night in Soho (2021) - I'm Not Like the Other Girls to Time Travel Murder Nightmare Pipeline, actually I really enjoyed this one but it's also super silly

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022) - How do you say poor little meow meow in gaeilge

The Menu (2022) - I go to the murder restaurant I order the beesechurger, I was super surprised there's no cannibalism but tbh that would have been low hanging fruit

The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2021) - Explains a lot about religion in the US, I love that she was pro lgbt, also I googled her ex husband and he has a prepper/survivalist thing going on now and scams more people

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - we can't eat pray love ourselves out of this one boys

Holes (2003) - Hated the book as a teenager for school reasons but gave the film a try and really enjoyed it

Renfield (2023) - I expected werewolves but I enjoyed it nevertheless, My Chemical Romance is on the soundtrack, it's very silly, the effects are great

Interview with the Vampire (1994) - Oh people weren't lying about it being homoerotic

The Big Lebowski (1998) - I've had days that feel like that

November

Pappa ante Portas (1991) - Funnier now that I'm an adult, basically half the jokes my mum makes are from this film

The Meg 2: The Trench (2023) - I watched this while sick and really wanted to see a giant shark fight a giant octopus and boy did it deliver

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) - Very nice animation style

JFK (1991) - I actually fell asleep halfway through because it's so long but can we talk about how this film is just A-listers but has some of the worst wigs and makeup I've seen

Bottoms (2023) - A spiritual sequel to Heathers

December

When Harry Met Sally (1989) - They deserve each other (derogatory) but that one restaurant scene was pretty funny

The Royal Nanny (2022) - one of the many Hallmark films my mum made me watch and this is perhaps the worst one, incredibly sexist even for a Hallmark film and they clearly mean Mi5 but say Mi7 which was a WW2 propaganda service? Also they really want me to believe there is a British prince called Colin and that he doesn't look like his family tree is a circle?

I forgot the title but there was also the one where two people get stuck in a time loop while trying to make a sponsored youtube video about baking and I didn't really pay attention much but man that was bad

#film log #films #2023 in films #this is mostly just my letterboxd review lmao

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foxes-that-run · 1 year ago

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2017 Haylor Timeline

Timeline Tag, or years 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024.

3 January - Taylor "based in London" (end of Cornelia St period)

5 January - date of Harry’s leak “lately” recorded. Anniversary of clear blue water/rain on window posts which may be their last break up anniversary. He was pictured in London

8 January - Taylor and Zayn film I don't wanna live forever music video in London

13 January - Taylor was in LA papped at the the gym in LA. The scenario she told secret session fans she wrote DWOHT

21 January - Harry goes to LA

22 January Joe in Paris

28 January - Harry in LA

1 February - Harry's Rose Ring maybe at his birthday in Malibu 1 February 2017. Taylor posts a video of her and Gigi singing along to "I Don't wanna live forever" for the first time on the radio, which ‘happens’ to be on Harry's birthday.

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4 February - Taylors only performance of 2017 in Houston. Super Saturday Night, rep coded.

14 February - Tom Hiddleston GQ article where he sounds traumatised, it is bad press for Taylor and later indirectly referred to in the Joe dating announcement.

7 - 19 February - Fans spot Taylor in London, once in a brown wig

24 February - Little Big Town perform, say Taylor is on London

March - Stalker arrested for breaking into Taylors NY apartment

5 March - Rose Ring seen clearly at Studio in London.

7 March - Ed Sheeran seen at Taylors NYC Apartment, he said they would collab again and March 2 said she was working on new music. (End Game)

8 March - Harry at Cottons Rhum Shack London

15 March - Harry arriving NYC with head down

23 March - E New story: "Where in the World is Taylor Swift?" that she had not posted candids since Thanksgiving.

Late March. Behind Album performances likely recorded at Abbey Road, they appear in the documentary in May and Harry was holding Ben’s daughter who looks about 3-4 months. Harry’s hair is also shorter than it was 5 March, a similar cut April 21.

4 April- Taylor recording Rep in Nashville 'to avoid paparazzi'‘. Joe in London. Harry shot Sign of the Times in Scotland. Mirror headline "Harry Styles goes all Peter Pan in his gloriously magical new video for Sign Of The Times"

7 April - Sign of the Times released

10, 16 April - Harry in NYC

18 April - Harry’s rolling stone interview where he leaves the table over her name and tips his hat and ex because it’s all for them. Harry possibly shades Matty Healy:

There’s nothing worse than an inauthentic tortured person. ‘They took my allowance away, so I did heroin.’ It’s like – that’s not how it works. I don’t even remember what the question was.”

21 April - Harry on Graham Norton, performs sign of the times and writes Spanish girl that later leaks backstage.

26 April - Harry in Paris for nrj

29 April - Harry is papped wearing the same St Laurent shirt Calvin copied for the Ole music video, on the date Taylor later identified in High Infidelity.

1 May - Taylor filmed LWYMMD Video, Harry London 2 & 7

7 May - harry driving in London using phone behind wheel wearing packers hat with Tess ward

8 May - Harry in Williamsburg

9 May - Harry today show with the pink suit when he performs Stockholm. Xander and Jeff there. Harry dating Tess Ward. left NY

11 May Tess ward posts a photo of Harry’s kitchen with his cap in and is never seen again

12 May - Harry styles debut released, behind the album released just after. Cute Nick Grimshaw interview with 2 ghosts question

15 May - Harry behind the album released, includes parts of performances. Taylor paped in Nashville and flys to London in Charter (not her plane)

16 May - The Sun reports a source that Joe and Taylor dating 'for several months.' "after what happened with Tom Hiddleston", reminding me of the Tom GQ article from February. Having not been seen at all with Taylor previously Joe will now be seen 20 times for the rest of the year. The way this changed from completely unknown to very public (but saying it wasn't??) is .... sure they were totally together before this. Harry went on Carpool Karaoke wearing Haylor ring

17 May - Tess ward wore a shirt Harry wore in an interview

18 May - TMZ pap photos of Taylor in Nashville

19 May - Harry at troubadour ONO. James, Jeff and Xander there carpool karaoke, Harry sang IKYWT in broadcast not you tube. Stevie Nicks comes, Harry emotional on stage in Landslide with Stevie Nicks. The music business people there were impressive, including the then head of the recording academy and Grammy voting member Savan Kotecha, who wrote WMYB, had fell out with 1D and some members but remained close with Harry.

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20 May - Harry lists LA house, reported on the 22nd, sold in 2019.

1 June - Joe and Taylor papped together

5 June - Joe mention in blinds and seen having coffee

9 June - Taylor returns her music to Apple Music on the same day Katy Perry releases Witness.

11 June - Joe and Taylor and her plane

18 June - Joe and taylor spend fathers day in London with his dad

15 June - Harry follows Camille on IG, fans abuse her.

17 June - Harry attends Pixie Geldof's wedding in Mallorca, Louis rumoured to be there but no photos of Louis. Daisy Lowe is a bridesmaid.

20 June - HS stepdad passed away :( H Tess BUA

21 June - Mirror: "Taylor Swift "hosted Father's day for boyfriend Joe Alwyn and his parents - who served up a classic Sunday roast"" also referring to Joe as a 'new boyfriend'

24 June - Joe and Taylor at gym together

July - Harry NY in bar with Xander

4 July - Karlie Kloss posts a photo with Kendall in Paris, the internet realises KK is not in the squad. Taylors inflatable slide seen being inflated - but no 4th July party for Taylor. Blind item that Taylor skipped the party because Joe would not do a photo shoot.

13 July - Taylors last post before her socials wiped was to promote Selena's album. Reputation promo planning underway, Joe was announced a month before.

14 July - End Game written. Kendall came to Harry's show.

21 July - Harry and Camille seen together, Nick mentions her and she is in the background of a fan photo.

19 July - Dunkirk released

24 July - Joe and Taylor walking NYC

27 July - Joe and Taylor with umbrellas this time

29 July - Harry in NY

7 August - two ghosts release date

14 August - Taylors sexual assault trail v David Mueller, from his hand allegedly under her skirt in 2013 is settled and Taylor wins damages of $1.

27 August - LAWYMMD video, Karlie not on junior jewels shirt, Kendall tea time reenactment, Katy car crash and she eats a lobster in a cage.

28 August - Taylor deletes instagram

31 August HS releases two ghosts recording from Behind the album performances

3 September - Taylor at Abigail's wedding Martha's vineyard. Ready for it...? released after Saturday football preview.

7 September - Joe and Taylor NYC

9 September - Joe and Taylor in NY at Cornelia St

Sept 2017 – 14 July 2018 - Harry Styles Live on Tour

19 September - Harry points at himself on ‘I’m a fool for you’ in JALBOYH

25 September - Watermelon Sugar written

20 September - Harry LA, Greek Theater, wears same custom Gucci suit as Kiwi Music Video, with roses. Shania Twain comes and posts a photo of them together. Plays 'Still the One' on Kazoo in Grammy Museum interview. Taylor at Cara's London for month

27 September - Harry released Two Ghosts and Girl Crush as a Spotify Single recorded in Metropolis London, and photos of him recording it. Two days before he performed it in Nashville

28 September - Harry wears red in the Radio City music hall, NY plays Story of My Life in full and has an aborted heart kiss.

29 September - Taylor releases Spotify playlist of 70 songs. Anniversary of Harry’s “we don’t need no piece of paper tweet” and Harry’s another man mixtape. Song 7 is Boys, 20 is Liam Gallagher "for what's worth", followed by "miss you". 27 is We don't deserve love, Niall Horan is at 37 "Too much to ask", it also features Ariana Grande, Kesha, Kings of Leon, Bon Iver, 57 is Perfect by Ed Sheeran, the same name as the 1D song. It ends with #70 'She's casual' about a guy falling in love with a fling.

11 October - Taylor in London with Joe's family

14 October - Phoenix - Harry cries during Meet me in the Hallway (1:39). After “I walked the streets all day” before “running with the thieves”. This was Harry's last US show

16 October - Taylor films End Game music video in London

October - Liam said he saw Harry at the Bowery Hotel “I bumped into him in The Bowery Hotel. He’s been through a rough time recently. God bless him, he was really happy to see me. The funniest thing was we didn’t really talk business. Dunkirk was out and all this was happening, and we just gave each other a big hug.”

20 October - Taylor reportedly likes a post "I’m here to drop some tea listen up and listen good!! Any love song Taylor writes now is about Joe and only Joe. She is so happy and this is about them. And only them. This is confirmed. It's a rule. Joe love songs from here on out, this goes for all of Reputation. No speculating if it is about Taylor’s ex from a million years ago because I promise you it’s not. Joe and Taylor. Happy. The tea has been served."

25 October - Harry performs in Paris, he cries on 'even my phone misses your call' twice in FTDT (1:53 and again 3:30). Taylor was in Nashville for Rep Secret Sessions.

2 November - Call it what you want - Taylor posts home movies that are in the CIWYW lyric video.

8 November - kiwi video released with Taylor looking kid

11 November - Taylor in NYC

10 November - Reputation released end game radio single on 14th

13 November - blind item that This Is What You Came For was about Harry

17 November - the HS behind the album performances released, first seen in BTA

28 November - Harry performs VS Show, Taylor cancels. New Years Day released as a single 27 November.

29 November - Derek Blasberg (fashion journalist reportedly the person KK had in TS apartment that ended friendship) posts a photo of KK sipping tea and asks for captions then comments "I knew brew were trouble when I met you"

4 December - Harry Haneda Airport

8 December - Joe and Taylor papped holding hands NYC

10 December - Taylor performs then watches Ed's show with Joe at Jingle Bell Ball London

12 December - Taylor and Joe in NYC

13 December - Reputation Stadium Tour tickets go on sale

31 December - Joe and Taylor NYE (Toe Twitter timeline)

Continue in 2018

#haylor #Youtube #haylor timeline #2017

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endlich-allein · 8 months ago

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Hello, I just wanted your opinion and thoughts of rammstein 30th anniversary, like do you think we will get the 2019,2022 dvds or even hopefully the velodrom 2001 full concert dvd, and what about some of the official making of videos of angst and other videos of the zeit album, and we can't forget about the new documentary, so do you think we'll get any of these things this year for rammstein 30th anniversary 🤘🏻🖤

Hi 🖖🏻

What do I expect from the group's 30th anniversary !?

First on stage I would like to see old pyro effects again like for example Till's coat of flames, the dragon masks or even Engel's wings (even if I don't want Till to hurt his back) 🔥

And also I would love to see Bück Dick (with the Tillake moment) and Pussy (with the cannon) again (although I have very little hope 🙄)

And also the mini b-stage at eye level with the public (even if I know that in a stadium it's complicated).

I don't have too many expectations for the setlist, I would just like a few surprises compared to the last three rounds.

And why not a slightly "loud and hard" first part, a bit "Rammstein old-school", like with Clawfinger 🤘🏻

I'm waiting for the live DVD but I don't really know which images will be there: those filmed in Vienna in 2019 and/or those from Mexico in 2022. I'm not sure they can make a mix of the two as there are quite a few differences between these tours...

We also know that they filmed some videos in Mexico, we have already seen those of Richard and Paul but the context of these images has not been officially clarified. Nor if the live DVD will be paired with the documentary.

Besides, I'm waiting with even more impatience for the documentary which has just been finished at the start of 2024.

We know that it should be divided into 4 parts/episodes (broadcast on a streaming platform) and include archive images of the group, in particular live images (well those which have not been leaked since certain "fans" (?) have again embarrassed the group by publishing videos on YouTube which were originally planned for the documentary thus causing a delay in production 😡).

And we know from Paul's own mouth that the song Ramm4 should be published alongside the documentary. I don't know if there is a date planned at the moment: before, during or after the tour...

I don't think we will have any other DVDs this year, especially from an old concert like the one from 2001 in Berlin. If it comes out one day, it will be on their YouTube channel.

What I would like to see in the documentary :

- We know that there will be interviews with the guys so I would like them to tell us funny anecdotes, their best memories, stories that they experienced together, to tell us what unites them still today, etc ;

- Images from before Rammstein, from their lives in the GDR, from their musical beginnings with Feeling B, First Arsch, Die Firma, etc ;

- Interviews with those close to them and their views on the guys, their beginnings and their evolution into an international super band ;

- I would like images of the band in recording sessions and rehearsals, to see how they think about what they are going to do on stage, behind the scenes in a way, how they work ;

- I would also like some new images from backstages, I love the photos we got but on video it must be even better ;

- Obviously I would love to have the making of the most recent videos: Deutschland (I'll be very very very very very disappointed if I don't see it this year 🙏🏻), Adieu, Zeit, etc.

I would also like a best-of with unreleased songs, we know that the guys have recorded songs over time that have never been published on an album so it would be cool if they offered them to us today.

I don't really know what else to expect, I want to be surprised🥳 And please, Rammstein, don't sell your new merch too expensive, I'm out of money 🥲

#asks

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c-schroed · 2 years ago

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Gosh I Need Movies Like "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves"!

Frankly, I'm still a bit surprised by how much I love "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves". I mean, I was very much looking forward to the movie because everything about it just felt right, and I even noticed some fear of disappointment when finally entering the cinema. But it did not disappoint. Gosh, how it did not disappoint.

There's so much for me to love about this movie. To name just three things, it has

a marvelously told story (the exposition was quite nice, but the escape from Revel's End prison really set the stage for that hell of a ride which followed),

a very inspired cast playing absolutely dashing characters (I now have a crush on at least two of the main characters! 😅), and

visual effects and set designs with creativity and attention to detail that I have not seen in what feels like an eternity (the very first shot of Neverwinter already made me want to see this city in all its lovely details).

So yes, I left the cinema as overwhelmed and enthusiastic as I had hoped to be. And much to my personal joy you guys here at Tumblr opened up just another level on which this lovely little movie could excel: I have never played "Dungeons and Dragons" (I know a lot about the mechanics and lore thanks to "Munchkin", though 😅), so reading about how much the movie feels like a true DnD session was very insightful, and it even made me see some of its flaws in a new light.

And then it struck me: "Honor Among Thieves" is that very rare type of movie that I really, really need from time to time. A true feel-good movie whose production process brought people together to tell a special story that usually has already been around in some form before. A fantastic, entertaining tale that can be enjoyed - and I cannot stress enough how important that is - utterly unironically and unapologetically.

The first movie of this type that I remember watching is "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" from 2004, and it has been one of my absolute favorites for a long, long, time. So much energy, and so much fun! But there are more. I'm talking about movies like "The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" (2005), "The Men Who Stare at Goats" (2009), "Tron: Legacy" (2010), "Real Steel" (2011), "John Carter" (2012), and "Booksmart" (2019). Yeah, that kinda was an advertisement for films I still have a crush on. Sorry not sorry.

The downside of this type of movie, because of course there's a downside: They only seldom make a profit. And "Honor Among Thieves" is not an exception to this rule, having grossed about 125 Million USD worldwide at the box office so far, while costing roughly 150 Million. But you know what? That's fine. Big Hollywood studios regularly make a fortune with mainstream blockbuster stuff that I don't even care to remember after I skipped the advertisement promoting it, so it's only fair for them to make a monetarily stupid decision from time to time that will make me oh so happy.

So, long story short: As long as studios like Paramount Pictures keep making marvellous darlings of a potential (or actual) flop like "Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves", I will not even begin to begrudge the obscene amounts of money they get from too-big-to-fail box office hits like "Top Gun: Maverick".

#dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons #honor among thieves #dnd: honor among thieves #dnd:hat #i really love this movie #sky captain and the world of tomorrow #the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy #the men who stare at goats #tron legacy #real steel #john carter #booksmart #top gun maverick #feel good movies #movie review #movie recommendation #schroed's thoughts

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spawn-universe · 2 years ago

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Comic book creator Todd McFarlane talks Spawn reboot, working with Ozzy and competing with the giants

Credit Calgary herald

Todd McFarlane has not forgotten the vow he made to Calgary back in 2017.

At the time, the comic book artist, producer and toy entrepreneur was a guest at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo and was asked about the long-gestating reboot of Spawn, which had spent years in developmental purgatory. He told the audience at the Stampede Corral that the film would hold its premiere in Calgary if he gets it “off the ground.

Fast-forward six years later McFarlane says the film is back on track. A-list writers Scott Silver, who co-wrote the 2019 hit Joker, and Malcolm Spellman, who created the Disney+ superhero series The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, are currently working on the screenplay. Jamie Foxx has long been attached to play the lead role, a superhero/antihero that McFarlane first created at the age of 16 in his parents’ basement near Crowchild and 24th Avenue N.W.

The 1992 comic book debut, which came out on McFarlane’s Image Comics, sold more than 1.7 million copies and the Spawn series holds the Guinness World Record for the longest-running, creator-owned, superhero comic book title. There was a 1997 live-action film with Michael Jae White, which grossed more than $100 million, and an Emmy-winning animated series that ran on HBO from 1997 to 1999. The reboot has been in the works in one form or another for years.

“On the movie front, hopefully – fingers crossed – by the middle of this year we should be making a big announcement that we found our studio, we made our deal and potentially, as part of that deal, they’ve given us our production start date,” says McFarlane. “Really, all fans care about is ‘When can I go see it?’ But at least I’ve got to be able to say ‘This year. We’ve got the money, we’ve got the backing and we’ve even got a start date.'

When it does come out, McFarlane still wants to hold one of the premieres in his hometown.

“Let me tell you right now, if I possibly can, I’m putting it into the contract,” McFarlane says. “It might be the dealbreaker. And I get two premiere spots. I live in Phoenix, I think the Phoenix people will come out in droves because they did the first time we did Spawn. I think they will come out in droves and have a good time in Calgary. That’s it. There it is: If you don’t give me that, then I pull this entire deal. I’m going to see if I can negotiate that.”

McFarlane was back in Calgary this week visiting family. On Sunday, hundreds of fans showed up at Video Game Trader in Lake Bonavista for an autograph session. In 1981, the William Aberhart High School grad left Calgary at the age of 18 on a baseball scholarship to Eastern Washington University, where he studied art and design. Within a few weeks of graduation, he got his first comic book job for Marvel. He would go on to illustrate for both Marvel and DC, drawing for Batman: Year 2, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk and co-creating the Spider-Man villain/anti-hero Venom.

But he is arguably still best known for creating Spawn and for co-founding Image Comics in 1992, which also became home to Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore’s Walking Dead comic-book series. In 1994, he revolutionized the toy industry with the realistic action figures he created for McFarlane Toys. In 1999, he won an Emmy for the animated Spawn series and earned a Grammy nod for directing Pearl Jam’s animated video for Do The Evolution. The following year, he won a Grammy for directing the video for Korn’s Freak on a Leash.

Late last year, he returned to the medium to direct the video for Ozzy Osbourne’s Patient Number Nine, which resulted in a lengthy feature in Rolling Stone magazine about McFarlane’s work in music videos.

“The request came from (Ozzy’s wife) Sharon Osbourne,” McFarlane says. “I knew her from the past. We had done some stuff with toys and comic books with her and had always done well. In the pre-preparation for shooting, I was dealing mostly with the record label and Sharon. I’m sure she showed everything to Ozzy to get the sign-off. The day of the shoot, that dude was a pro. It’s one thing I’ve always been super impressed with for all the music videos I’ve been involved with. When you say ‘Action,’ all of them are performers. They know what to do when they are on stage. This switch goes on and they just do it. At that point when we shot it, I think it was about a week before his back surgery. He just had pretty extensive back surgery and was living in severe pain. You could see he was in pain and his mobility was limited and all that. So he paced himself, which is what a smart person would do. But when I said ‘Action,’ he turned into the 25, 30-year-old Ozzy.”

On top of the promising developments in the Spawn reboot, McFarlane has continued to find success in both the comic book and toy worlds. He credits the relatively small group of people he works with for the company’s David-versus-Goliath success.

“I’ve got a good core of people,” he says. “We’re scrappy. We’re the Bad News Bears of our industry.”

In 2021, Spawn beat out behemoths DC Comics and Marvel to become the No. 1 selling comic book. That same year, his Spawn spinoff titles – Scorched, Gunslinger Spawn and King Spawn – broke sales records. Last year, the crossover Batman Spawn title became a bestseller.

McFarlane Toys’ beat out Fortune 500 companies such as Hasbro and Mattel with the bestselling action-figure line of 2021. The company is currently licensed to create figures for Black Adam, Shazam, The Flash and Batman movies for the DC Multiverse, James Cameron’s Avatar, Dune and even Ted Lasso.

“Their size is their blessing and their curse,” says McFarlane about the giant corporations he competes with. “I could say the same thing about my smallness: it’s my blessing and my curse. Here’s the blessing: I can move quick, I can move fast. Here’s their curse: They are so big and bloated, they can’t move fast. If I see an opening, I can see that opening way faster than they can get into it. I’m not trying to compete, let’s say on the toy front, directly with what the giants are doing. I’m not trying to slay the giants, that’s not the victory. The victory is saying: Where have they left the gap?”

#image comics #todd mcfarlane #spawn #history making #breaking records #spawns universe #mcfarlane toys #ozzy osbourne #king spawn #gunslinger #the scorched #spawn movie

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seoul-bros · 2 years ago

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RM's Indigo, a voice for a world on the edge

Indigo is an album reflective not only of Kim Namjoon's personal journey but also of the times we live in. A world in which people are encouraged to live in a virtual world, fed by a non-stop flow of spectacle online and separate from the hard work of face-to-face interaction and growth that is necessary to learn to be a human.

In the first album track Yun, RM quotes his favourite artist Yun Hyong Kuen "He always said, "Be human first", "Forget the art, play and feel the joys and sorrows". In other words, it doesn't matter how talented or skilled you are if you don't live your life, speak your truth, and know what it is to be human, your art will say nothing to you or anyone else.

In the video below, RM talks us through the origins of the album and the development of each of the 10 tracks. Definitely worth watching but perhaps listen to the album first to understand your own pure and immediate reaction to the music without being influenced by his words.

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I have listened to it several times now and the tracks that are beginning to imprint and will be put straight on my current playlist are Wildflower, Lonely, All Day and Change Pt 2.

With lyrics, RM isn't leaving anything to chance. Look at the verses of All Day with Tablo. There is a message for us all in there, if you don't make a stand for your own life and your individuality, you will be comfortably subsumed into the machine.

Another thing to watch out for is the Tiny Desk Concert which based on what RM says about his birthday was filmed in August this year. It was nice to hear Seoul again and he also sings Yun and Still Life.

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He said he had been working on the songs with these guys since 2019. We've certainly seen him with John Eun before but what about the other guys?

The whole mini concert was like an informal, cozy jam session with good friends. Loved the intimacy of that and it really suits the overall vibe of the album.

RM Instagram Post

Updating with the magazine film which has interviews with each of the collaborators on the album.

youtube

Post Date: 02/12/2022 updated 04/12/2022

#Indigo #rm #kim namjoon #namjoon #indigo #still life #wildflower #change pt 2 #lonely #yun #all day #tablo #john eun #bts solo careers #bts #bangtan #Youtube

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hueylengyong15 · 8 months ago

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The top five Amusement Parks that I planned to go to in the future:

Escape Theme Park in Paradigm Mall:

Two years ago, before the start of my Senior year, we wanted to plan a trip to Escape after finishing our final year exams. However, this idea failed because the other students from another campus had booked a trip earlier to enjoy the last day of the second term.

I was sad that we could not go on a field trip with our class due to the online classes that were conducted by the teachers in Canada. It was also a bummer as we were getting bored in class, we would always use our laptops to entertain ourselves.

I did not go to Escape last year because I had to finish many assignments and do the final exam before the deadline that my lecturer gave me. This made me super stressed out because I wanted to go out with my friends instead of being stuck at home doing nothing after finishing my assignment.

2. Genting Skyworlds:

This was another outdoor theme park outside of Selangor that I had not been there since almost fifteen years ago, ever since my first trip to Genting Highlands back in March of 2009. I initially wanted to plan another trip to my childhood place since they have Bluesky movie franchises such as Rio, Epic, and other attractions related to films and television shows.

In June of 2022, we wanted to go on a day trip to Genting, but some rides did not open yet due to the soft opening and some plans in the future. The date was pushed back to this year due to many assignments this year.

Before the second-semester break ends, I hope there won't be a long queue when I try out the attractions as planned. As for the indoor theme park, next time when one of the lecturers hosts a field trip, we could all have fun after the final exam ends.

3. Super Nintendo World in Osaka, Japan: As I heard about this place on Facebook, I researched their website online on what attractions would be there for me to try one day when I go on a holiday break to Japan. When I saw some pictures on the website, I found out that there was a real-life Mario Kart for me to ride on.

I heard this park would have a meet and greet session with Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach once you enter the park. As mentioned by the staff members, this place allows you to take pictures which allows me to keep them in my photo album or have them printed out in the souvenir shop. I also wanted to try all of the food at Nintendo World, so I could show my friends what I enjoyed the most.

4. Adventure Waterpark Desaru Coast: This waterpark has five different themed areas ranging from Shipwreck Reef to Penawar Falls. In 2017, I asked my parents to bring me there to this place during the summer break after the exams were over. However, my dad said it was too far for us to go because we had to stay at the hotel overnight and this wasn't the right time for him to go out with me because he had work to do in the office then.

I dreamed of trying the Kraken's Revenge Water coaster as I have never ridden on a rollercoaster on the water before. Presumably, next year if the last day of the semester is over, then we could all take a trip there and have some fun in the sun to take away all of the assignment stress in all of our classes.

5. Lotte World:

I haven’t been to this popular indoor theme park since 2019 when I went on a short holiday to Seoul during my winter break, I wanted to try all the rides that were suitable for me to make memories of having a fun trip for me and my family to go there.

One of the attractions that I rode was the Conquistador, a pirate ship from Spain that rotates at a 360-degree angle which is similar to the Tomahawk ride from Sunway Lagoon where there were two cars instead of a single car. As I got on the ride, I yelled, "This was the best ride that I have ever ridden in my life!"

Another ride that I visited was the Fly Venture, a VR ride that featured 4D animation. When I entered the area, I was very impressed that they had a steampunk-themed attraction and a flying theater which made me feel that I was flying on an airplane in the sky. Overall, this attraction was the best theater ride in the world, and one day, I would try this five times over and over again.

I also tried the other rides such as the Balloon Race, Camelot Carousel, Desperado interactive shooting game, and many other rides which I rode by myself before the park closed for the night.

When I went to Lotte World, I tried my luck to get a prize from the hammer game. However, I won a free lollipop, and my parents told me I did not need every toy from the amusement park because I had too many toys on my bed as it would be too crowded for me.

The park has a variety of food and beverages ranging from Korean to Western cuisine. Although the food was not that expensive, I managed to get Spaghetti Carbonara and their castle pizza from TGI Friday's Lakeview restaurant which was okay compared to the food from the Malaysian TGI Friday's.

I wanted to plan a trip for myself including my old school friends when we have time. When I get a job after graduating from college, I will go for an internship first to see if they can accept me working there. Once this idea is done, I can start my first day at work and earn some money for my basic necessities before I can go on holiday alone or with some good friends.

I hope some of our plans work out this year and next year. If not, it's okay, there's always next time when things don't work out the way we plan with our friends.

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sabraeal · 2 years ago

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If the Mind Is Willing, Chapter 2

[Read on AO3]

A million years ago (2018), I held a raffle to celebrate having 500 followers, and @bubblesthemonsterartist was the winner of the grand prize-- five fics of her choosing. These and the other winners were all supposed to have their fics post in 2019, over the 12 weeks I was taking off after I had my second son. Unfortunately, MANY THINGS OCCURRED, and now I have finally, FINALLY made it through all my backlog to grant Joanna her wishes. And this was her first request, because I left her BOY in the SNOW on her BIRTHDAY 🤣

Gray light filters through her sheer curtains, hesitantly washing over her room as if it would hate to impose. It has none of the determination of the winter sun, muting pastels into something just shy of monochrome, like a reel of film left out of its can to age. It’s...nice. Cozy even; the perfect weather for a day where there’s no classes to rush to nor study sessions to sweat through, no place to go nor person she needs to be. She’s just Chizuru, and for a moment, that’s enough.

It never lasts.

Her phone vibrates across the bedside table, tooting and carrying on until it bumps into the lamp, buzzing angrily at the inconvenience. It’s barely a breath’s worth of fuss, but Chizuru flops over, brushing her fingers over the screen like touch might soothe it. Or at least, she tries-- the sleeve of her sweater’s slumped, making paws where fingers should be.

Chizuru blinks, but sleep clings stubbornly to her lashes, making the world bleary and indistinct. It takes a good rub to get them clear, wool scratching where she can’t shake away her sleeve, and--

And this is Father’s cardigan, the one she’d kept before everything went into storage. He might not be a large man, but it’s too big for her by far; she wears it around the house when she’s got a craving to be cozy, but it’s not meant for bed. Even now it’s knotted up in the blanket, toggles tangled in the crochet, tugging in places never meant to give.

Her hand hovers, a flinch away from one of those knots. “This isn’t my blanket...?”

Not the one she sleeps under, at least. No, this is a throw, one she keeps across the room on her desk chair for when the little space heater beneath it manages to serve better as a footrest. And when she moves it aside--

Oh my, those are her jeans. The same ones from yesterday, along with the worn T-shirt she changed into after Yamazaki--

“Yamazaki,” she gasps, scrambling for the phone. It takes shoving her sleeves up past her elbows, but she scoops it up, cradling it in both her palms. Oh, how she misses her tiny flip phone, even if Shinpachi called it dinosaur technology; at least then she’d been able to hold it and type at the same time. Now she just has to swipe with her thumbs, hoping it’ll rouse enough to show the home screen.

It flickers on, reluctantly informing her that it’s 10:24 am, and she has a blast email from the university, one that reminds the student body to drive safely and make good decisions over break. There’s also a text from Sen, one that starts, busy now but we can drop by after xmas 🎄, and below that--

[Susumu Yamazaki] Arrived at my parents. Hope I didn’t keep you up. Sleep well.

Chizuru groans, forehead dropping to her fists. After that whole production about him checking in, and she couldn’t even do him the favor of staying awake long enough to appreciate it.

[Me] Oh please don’t worry about me!! I fell asleep waiting 😂

It’d be silly to wait for him to reply. Her phone slips from her fingers, cradled by the crochet slung between her legs. If she was asleep before he got in, it would only make sense that he was still--

[Susumu Yamazaki] Must have been pretty tired. I only live 20min out.

[Me] You must have taken longer than that! It’s 20 min under regular driving conditions but there was all that snow

There’s a long pause, long enough that Chizuru pecks out, Right?, fingers hesitating over each letter. Her thumb’s hovering right over SEND when the phone buzzes, screen scrolling up to read:

[Suzumu Yamazaki] Almost called last night but glad I didn’t. Looks like you needed that sleep :)

[Me] Oh no don’t worry!! I wouldn’t have minded!! It would be nice to hear your voice

“Oh!” The phone jolts from her fingers, shock making even the rubber case sear. That’s what she gets for typing too fast for her brain to catch up; sure, it had sounded so nice in her head, but now that it’s out in the cold hard reality of text...

It’s too much. Like she’s trying to-- to--

Susumu Yamazaki is typing...

“Please don’t,” she moans, slapping her hands over her ears. “I didn’t mean it! I mean, I did, but not in a weird way. Ugh.”

The message disappears. No, flickers, on and off, until it finally settles back to a steady, Susumu Yamazaki is typing...

There’s no reason for him to take that long to reply, not unless he’s trying to find a polite way to say, you’re being really weird, or maybe, is there something wrong with you?

She can’t watch. Mercifully, the screen flicks off. It may not change the fact that he’s writing a scathing dissertation about her poor socialization, but at least she doesn’t have to witness it.

It does, however, display, [Hachiro] eta 30min

“Wh-what?”

Her fingers fumble across the screen, never quite managing to slide up enough to get it open, not until she picks it up in one hand and shakes. It shouldn’t work-- percussive maintenance only works on machines with cogs and springs, Saito has told her too many times to count, not computer chips-- and yet, here she sits, staring down at a string of texts timestamped twenty minutes ago.

[Hachiro] good morning chizu! mom has me out running her chores today 😒 but looks like some of them are going to take me past your place maybe if i have time i’ll swing by your place been a while since we’ve been able to hang out 😄 k all done eta 30min

“Oh,” she breathes. “But what am I going to do with Souji?”

When Chizuru had first moved in to the house, hair shorn and clothes baggy, hoping that her compression bra could do the heavy lifting when it came to masculine body shapes, the doorbell had been a stately sort of tune. Bing-bong ding-dong, the mark of a Real Adult entering their home, like Professor Hijikata, or sometimes even Dean Kondo.

Westminster chime, Shinpachi told her, with so much confidence she could only stare. What? I can know stuff. They used it at my school.

Private school. Souji tossed his hair out of his eyes. Fuckin’ prep.

Hey! Shinpachi’s a big guy, only a few inches shy of Harada and twice as wide in the shoulders. But even still, he can shrink so small, folding in on himself like a sulking child. I don’t think there’s any need for-- for hurtful language.

Harada only snorted, Rich kid.

Either way, she’d liked that one. Sure, it went on a little long, and if they got multiple packages in a day the halls started to feel a little cloister-like, as if she’d really been sent away to a nunnery the way Father used to tease. But at least when she answered the door, people looked impressed, or at least impassive.

That is not the chime that rings today, though.

“I didn’t even know they made doorbells with that,” Harada mutters from under his covers as she sprints past, tearing the towel from her head.

They don’t, Chizuru’s pretty sure, but she doesn’t have the breath to reply, or even curse Souji’s ability to turn even the most innocuous objects into landmines. No, she only has enough to manage a shrill, “I’ve got it!” before pounding down the stairs, hoping she can move quicker than Souji’s sense for chaos.

She flings open the door, wet hair stiffening in the cold, and there is Hachiro, perfect as always, a smile already dawning on his handsome face.

“Morning, Chizu.” He lifts a gloved hand, shaking the snow from his lazy curls. “It’s good to--” Hachiro blinks-- “is that ‘Through the Fire and Flames?’“

“Sorry to make you rush.” Hachiro toes off his shoes-- boots, really, by their treads, but they still look nicer than anything else on the tray-- not dripping a single drop of slush onto the floor. “You’re usually such an early riser, I never thought you’d still be...” He hesitates, clearing his throat. “...In bed.”

It’s silly to blush, but she does, ducking her head against her shoulder. “I was, um, up late last night. Not for bad reasons! Just, er, dragged my feet getting to bed.”

“It’s quiet in here today.” He steps up beside her, his elbow giving hers a playful bump. “Are we alone for once?”

“Er...no. Harada’s in bed, last I checked.” She’s not really sure he knows there’s hours before noon, but that’s not what Hachiro’s asking. “And Souji is, um...around, I’m sure. Somewhere.”

His mouth twists, but it smooths to handsomeness so quick it’s barely more than a trick of the eye. “Good thing I brought breakfast, then.”

He holds up a bag, glossy and bright and oh-so pink, the logo cute, if unfamiliar. “Mom had me go into town today, and it took me right past that new pastry place. The one that used to be Mastudaira’s?”

“Ah, that one! It’s...Meiji now?” She pushes up to her toes, peeking through the handles for a glimpse of wax paper and crackled crusts. The reality, however, leaves her disappointed; instead of vanilla cream or cinnamon custard, she just sees...cardboard. Sleek, branded cardboard with pink ribbons wrapped around it, but still, she settles back on her heels underwhelmed. “Let me go get some plates. Maybe even a knife, or um, forks?”

Hachiro’s dimple deepens, smile tugged to one side. “Hands should be fine, Chizu. They’re not that fancy.”

“Oh, er, right.” Her cheeks burn as she pads past him toward the kitchen. “Just plates then.”

She expects him to duck into the parlor; the front one is typically where guests drift toward, the TV and sectional conveying entertainment area without the undeniable frat boy aura of the back parlor’s pool table and darts. But instead, Hachiro follows her into the kitchen, settling the bag on the counter as she drags out her step stool.

The cabinets aren’t terribly high-- if she stands on tip-toe, she can even reach the lower shelf with only the smallest tweak in her shoulder. It’s just that the top one, or well, either of the middle ones--

“Do you want me to get them?” He steps up behind her, close enough that she can feel the chill rolling off his skin, even through his sweater. “I don’t mind, you know. Must have these long arms for a reason.”

“No, no,” she assure him, getting one knee up onto the marble. “I can get them. Please, take a seat. We can--” ah, is it awkward to ask if he want to go to the parlor now that they’re already here? Would that seem pointed, like she’s insinuating he did something wrong, or-- “pick wherever you’d like to sit. I’ll be down in just a moment.”

His jaw sets, the way it used to before he’d start a scrap with one of the neighborhood boys, but instead of resorting to a full nelson to get his way, Hachiro simply steps back with a sigh. “If you say so.”

I’ve been small my whole life, she nearly tells him, I think I know how to manage it by now. It’s the sort of thing nine-year-old Chizuru would have said, puffed up and proud as she pumped higher and higher on the swings. She’d broken her arm jumping off them, fighting back tears as Hachiro ran to get the teacher.

“I’ve been wanting to try this for a while,” she says instead.

He glances up, wide-eyed. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah. My dad came out this way for work trips all the time, and he would tell me how delicious their specials were. Linguini and clams. Roasted quail on yam puree. All sorts of stuff.” Her smile twists, wry as she hops down, two plates in hand. “When I first came out here, I thought I could at least save up for a table at Matsudaira’s, even if it was just for myself. I was heartbroken when I saw the empty storefront.”

“I would never have guessed. When we were kids you hated that sort of thing.” His head tilts, curious, watching her beneath heavy lids as she sets the dish in front of him. “Is that something that interests you now?”

“Oh, no.” She hops up onto the stool, feet dangling from the rungs. “I just thought...I don’t know. It’s silly really. I mean, since my dad liked it, I just thought...”

Chizuru’s not good at this, the whole...talking about it thing. Her feelings are so...so vast, like looking out over prairie as the lightning comes down, or an ocean as the storm rises. She’s not like the professor, able to take these things and distill them down to their essence, plastering perfection onto the page for everyone else to consume. They don’t squeeze down into those little boxes, becoming something easy to handle, they’re just--

“It would make you feel like you’re with him.”

Her chin jerks up, meeting his patient smile. “That’s what you mean right? If you could do something he enjoyed so much, it might feel like the distance wasn’t so much.”

Warmth blooms beneath her breast, a heat that scintillates out to her limbs and back, chest squeezing tight. Even sitting there, her skin tingling, she can’t decide whether it’s a good feeling, or...something else. Something complicated.

“Yes. That.” The words leave her on a gasp, a sigh she no longer has the breath for. It’s silly to be so worked up, to care so much about not having to explain, that she sets her hands to work, glossy bag slipping against her fingers. “But then Meiji opened up, and I know it’s not the same thing, not even a little, but...”

“It’s close enough.” The bag’s top clenches shut as he puts his hand over hers, giving her a squeeze she feels down to her toes. One that stops as quickly as it starts; she barely has time to blink before he’s retreated to his side of the table, smile slanted and inscrutable. “Once he’s done with his done with his sabbatical, I’m sure your father would love to go with you.”

There’s something lodged between the muscles of her throat, brittle as a pitted stone and ragged as a sob, and she can’t trust herself to speak around it, not without risking its escape. So she nods instead, the motion doing nothing to knock it loose, only ache.

She tries to grab the boxes, flimsy little things that bend under the weight of her grip, but her fingers keep falling numbly off them, nicking her knuckles on their corners. It’s as if her hands know what to do, but her mind can’t focus on making them do it, at least not with any sort of skill.

“You’ll like what I picked, I think,” Hachiro tells her, lifting up one of the boxes with a delicacy and elegance she could only dream of. “I haven’t seen them around here before. They’re called maritozzi.”

“It...sounds fancy,” she agrees, glancing dubiously down at the package he’s placed in her palms. “It’s not...hard to eat, is it?”

His mouth quirks at a corner, and for a moment, he looks almost as roguish as he had at age ten, just minus the bruises. He’d been chubbier then, all the sweeping curves of his face softened by baby fat and his nanny’s cooking, but beneath that it’s the same bones, the same boy that had cried when a bully pushed him off the jungle gym, and then sat on him a week later when he’d tried to do it to Chizuru.

“Not at all.” His voice is different now, not deep like his father’s but full. Masculine, but pretty enough that the choir director would still compliment him if he ever went back. “They’re deceptively simple, actually.”

She braces herself, pressing at the corners until the paper hinge gives, and then-- “Oh.”

“See?” Hachiro’s too kind to laugh, but she hears the hint of one his his voice as she lifts the little bun from its box, careful to keep cream off her fingers. “Nothing to be worried about.”

There really is nothing strange about them, save that she’s never seen anything quite like them. The roll’s only the size of her palm, split down the middle and filled to the brim with black-flecked whipped cream, smoothed over until it looks natural, as if it were all one piece. “Is that real vanilla?”

His shoulder lifts, casual. “So I would assume.”

She takes a bite, or at least she tries to-- like anything with a filling, she nearly has to unhinge her jaw to keep cream from making a bid for freedom. But that first taste hits her tongue, and oh, it’s so, so good.

“So,” Hachiro hums. “Where is your father now?”

Her mouth is full-- he knows it’s full, he just saw her take a bite-- and yet he’s sitting there so mildly, as if it’s normal to hold a conversation this way, like she might not choke herself trying to swallow enough down to speak. Not that she wants to-- oh no, she needs every second plausible chewing can give her if she wants a believable answer, one that won’t make him give her that look, the one he had the morning he moved away--

“Er...” She takes one last swallow, loud enough that his eyebrows lift at the gulp. “I’m not quite sure! He moves around a lot for his research. I think...the South Pacific right now? His connection’s been iffy since he left the mainland.”

“Too bad,” he drawls, too mild to be sincere. “I take it that means he won’t be home for Christmas?”

She picks off a piece of roll, dipping it in the cream. “Ah...no. But, um, I think he’s going to call tonight!”

“That’s something.” Mr. Iba used to have a way of saying nothing so nicely it sounded like a judgement, and it’s clear that Hachiro’s inherited his gift. “Do you have anything planned for Christmas Day?”

“N-no.” It hadn’t bothered her, not really, but now that she’s said it out loud it feels...sad. Incomplete. Like watching an orphan in the first act of a holiday film, before Santa or the spirit of Christmas or whatever gets involved. “I’m just staying in, I think.”

His eyebrows lift higher. “Here?”

It’s not until she glances up, trailing an assessing eye over the kitchen’s corners, that she realizes the house is hardly festive. There’s a tree in the front parlor-- it used to be by the side of the highway, growing quite peacefully past the guardrail before Shinpachi and Heisuke had driven by a few weeks ago, pulling over and declaring it the perfect Christmas tree, and chopped it down with a set of hatchets they found under the seat of the SUV. It’s been a funny story to relay to Sen-- it’s only illegal if you get caught, she’d said, but Kiku says they’re stupid-- but when she looks at Hachiro...

Ah, well, the son of a judge may not have the same opinion about it. Nor appreciate their dubiously legal decor.

“It’ll be fun!” Chizuru says instead, forcing a smile onto her face. “Hajime left me his Netflix password, so I have all the Christmas Prince movies right at my fingertips!”

“That sounds like a pretty nice day, actually.” To her surprise, he’s sincere, smiling as he take his own bite of his bun. “Though I don’t think Saito’s going to forgive you for the damage you’ll do to his recommendeds.”

Her mouth twitches behind her napkin. “Don’t worry, he told me I could watch whatever I wanted...as long as I stay on the profile he made for me.”

A grin breaks across his lips, just as mischievous as when he used to pluck his mother’s cookies off the counter. “Oh, I see, you’ve already been quarantined.”

“I prefer to think of it as ‘special accommodations,’“ she informs him, doing a terrible job of hiding her smile. “It’s very kind he offered at all. He denies he even has an account when Souji asks.”

“Who could blame him?” Hachiro rubs his fingers, dislodging crumbs while his good humor smooths to vague distaste. “I shudder to think what might entertain that guy.”

True crime documentaries and Tarantino movies from her experience, but Chizuru doubts that will help her any. Not when his first impression of Souji had been ‘that guy looks like he pulled wings off flies for fun as a kid.’

“Anyway.” Hachiro clears his throat, arms folding stiffly behind his empty plate. How he eats so quickly, she’ll never know; she’s only three bites in and already her stomach is protesting. “I know you have you plans, but my mom wanted me to ask if you’d come over out place for dinner tomorrow. Her and dad are dying for an excuse to see you again.”

“O-oh!” Her cheeks heat, warm enough she’s sure he can see it. “Would they really--? Um...”

It’s been years since she’s seen them; the same with Hachiro until she tripped over him outside Hijikata’s class. But her memories of them, of their kitchen--

It’s like another home, one warmer and more full than her own. There had certainly been weeks where she’d been there more often than her own house. The ones where Father had to work late on his research, leaving her with leftovers-- and her too short to reach the microwave. But it had never occurred to her that she might be anything more than a suffered annoyance, yet one more mouth to feed when they had two growing boys. To be a wanted guest in a home like that...

Her mouth works, and she takes a bite of her pastry, waiting until is sits like lead in her stomach before she says, “I...I couldn’t possibly impose--”

“Of course you can.” He laughs, so easy, so careless, as if it should be obvious. “It’s hardly an imposition when you’re invited. Look, she even put you on my list! Right under dropping off the charity gifts, it says, get Chizuru--”

Her hand flicks up, deflecting the paper he pulls from his pocket. “I believe you,” she squeaks, barely able to look at it. “You don’t have to, um, show me.”

He hesitates, a smirk shoring up one side of his smile as he slips it back in. “All right. But you’ll come, won’t you? I’ll even pick you up.”

“Um...” His offer’s more than tempting, but the thought of showing up in their home empty-handed... “I don’t think--”

“If you’re worrying about gifts, don’t.”

Chizuru jolts in her seat, feet just barely catching her before she can topple out of it. How did he--?

“My mom said to say your presence is present enough. It’s corny, but she means it.” His gaze flicks to hers, too warm to hold, like cider fresh from the pot. “I think so too, if that matters.”

“Oh,” she breathes. It’s all so nice, but it’s also too much, like sticking frostbitten hands right into the fire, and she doesn’t know if she’s warming up or burning--

“You know, Iba, I can tell you hang out with Hijikata.” Souji sweeps into the kitchen like funeral shroud, leaving a pall over the kitchen with nothing more than a drawl. “You both don’t know how to take a hint. And by that I mean, the door is over there.”

“Okita,” Hachiro manages, his smile so saccharine her teeth ache. “I see you’ve decided to make another attempt at human socialization. I applaud your courage.”

When Souji grins it’s all teeth, prowling around until he stands at her shoulder. “Well, you know, I keep telling myself that no matter what I do, I’ll never sound as stupid as you striking out. And then I have all the motivation I need to keep going on.”

“We all have to find inspiration somewhere, even if it’s only from our own imagination.” Hachiro glows with a grace so serene that paintings of saints would patina with envy. “Ah, it seems I didn’t bring enough pastries for all of us. Looks like you’ll have to go figure out something else on your own.”

“It’s okay.” A long fingers reach past her shoulder, plucking the bun off her plate. There’s a soft crackle right above her ear, and oh, she doesn’t need to turn around to know where the crumbs tumbling down her shoulder come from. “I figured something out.”

“That,” Hachiro grits out, his smile finally as strained as his patience, “is for Chizuru.”

Souji’s arm dangles lazily off her shoulder, hand close enough that if he just tensed his fingers enough to curl, he’d brush below her clavicle. It’s...distracting. “She doesn’t seem to mind.”

“I think--”

“So are you actually gonna go to this loser’s house? Hang out with his parents?” Souji snorts, bending close enough for his hair to tickle over her ear. “Food poisoning sounds more fun.”

A breath hisses between Hachiro’s teeth, but still he only says, so calm, “Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be?”

Around the last of her pastry, Souji mumbles an unfortunately clear, “No.” With a swallow, he adds, “I’m having fun right now.”

“Is that so?” Hachiro’s mouth cants to a dangerous angle. “Then maybe you could--”

There is an end to this suggestion, Chizuru can see the way his mouth moves to make it, eyes glinting like a knife beneath the kitchen lights. But it’s impossible to make out what it might be, not with what sounds like a stampede coming down the back stairs.

“Hey, guys anyone seen my shir--” Harada hauls himself up short, nearly clipping his head on the top of the door. “Oh, how you doin’, Iba? Didn’t expect to see you here.”

One arm hooked over the chair back shifts Hachiro’s posture from high alert to casually confident, Souji entirely forgotten. “It was short notice. Sorry for the surprise.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” His giant hand paws at the towel slung around his shoulder, lifting it to dab at his hairline, and-- oh no, he’s not-- he’s--

“Would it kill you to keep your clothes on?” Souji grumbles, slinking from her shoulders to glare from a safe distance like a particularly hostile housecat.

The past three months had exposed her to so much bared boy flesh-- so much she’s sure Shinpachi only begrudgingly tolerates any clothes that aren’t made out of jersey or spandex-- that it’s practically the wallpaper now, utterly unnoticeable unless she’s got her nose pressed to it. But now that Harada is here, strolling through the kitchen, shirtless and dripping right in front of Hachiro, casually advertising her every day, well--

Chizuru can’t blame Souji; she’d like an excuse to slip out of this situation too.

“It might.” Harada scratches at the scar that bisects his stomach, thoughtful. “So does this mean the professor’s coming by too?”

Hachiro laughs, shaking his head, as if just gym shorts were a perfectly normal outfit for a grown man to wear in company. “No, as much as I’d like to see him today, I’m afraid it’s only me. I just stopped in to invite Chizuru to Christmas dinner.”

There’s no reason for it, not at all-- only minutes ago the offer had been as welcome a surprise as it was terrifying-- but now ever muscle stiffens, her knuckles white where they grip the countertop. As if somehow everyone knowing made it-- it--

A coy smirk hovers at the corners of his mouth, a silent tease ready to unravel her. “Oh, that sounds--” Harada glances down at where she sits, and his confusion snuffs his mischief as quick as a match-- “er...nice?”

“You mean stupid,” Souji mutters, but if Hachiro hears him, he doesn’t show it.

“I think so too.” It’s hard to resist when he smiles at her, bright and warm as the best summer day. “My parents will be so happy to see you again.”

“Oh.” Harada’s eyes widen until she can see whites around them. “That’s, uh...I didn’t realize you guys were...serious?”

Chizuru’s hands fly up, waving as if that might help dispel-- er, whatever this is. “Ah! That’s not-- we’re not together. We’re just-- we were neighbors in elementary school. I’ve explained this before...”

“O...kay,” Harada says, just as Souji adds, “See, I told you it was stupid.”

“They haven’t seen her for a long time,” Hachiro explains smoothly, making it all sound so normal, the way she never could. “That’s why they’re so excited.”

“It’s very kind of you to, um, offer, but I don’t--” Guilt’s been nibbling at her since he invited her, but now it takes huge, gulping bites, her confidence as tattered as lettuce left in the crisper. “I mean, do you really think that, er--?”

“Really collecting husbands now, aren’t you, Chizuru?” Souji snorts. “Don’t you already have one stalker that thinks you’re married to him? And now this jackoff’s taking you to meet his parents.”

Hachiro finally turns to him, flushed and out of patience. “Do you have a problem?”

“Yeah, your fa--”

“I--I’m not!” Her hands slap the counter, too loud, but it gets their attention, as little as she likes having it. “I mean, not collecting husbands. No, I mean, I’m not doing that either, but I’m also--” she takes a steeling breath-- “I’m not going. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

Hachiro’s brow knits, the skin there as furrowed as his frown below. “You don’t need to listen to him, Chizuru. There’s nothing wrong about coming over, or weird either. You’re always welcome at our house.”

“I’m not. I mean, I know, I’m not listening to him. It’s just--”

There’s a thousand things she wants to say, a hundred explanations that bloom and rot off the vine. But none of them fit, none of them are what she means. There’s no way to say, it still feels too intimate without implying I don’t want to lead you on, nor I miss my dad without also saying I’m going to waste my life waiting for a phone call.

“I’m not,” she repeats, stronger this time. “Thank you for the invitation, Hachiro, it means a lot to me. But, um, I just finished exams last night, and I’ve really been looking forward to some down time. I just don’t think I’m ready to be good company.”

“You’re always good company,” he tells her, unconvinced. “But if you’re sure...”

“We’ll take good care of her.” Harada slings an arms around her shoulders, squeezing her close enough to catch a whiff of his bodywash. “I promise, no sad Chizuru. And maybe you can stop by again after the holidays and hang. Shinpachi and Saito are gonna be sad they missed you, man.”

Hachiro spares her one last lingering look before he sighs, easing into his laid-back lounge. “Sounds like a good time. Maybe we can even get Toshi in on it...”

He might be on errand for his mom, but Hachiro hardly seems in a hurry when he makes his way to the door, the late afternoon sun already threatening to fall behind the horizon.

“You’ll call me if you change you mind?” he mutters as he zips his coat, sending her a concerned glance. “Really, I’m happy to come out and get you, Any time.”

“R-really!” She pats his shoulder, giving him her best big-girl smile. “I’ll be fine. But thank you. If I do change my mind, you’ll be the first to know.”

His gloved hand lingers on the handle for a long moment before he manages, “Merry Christmas, Chizu.”

“Ah, you too!” He’s nearly got the door shut behind him when she adds, “Tell your parents I said hello!”

It closes with a soft shunk, the cold air displaced with a huff, and she slumps, all the tension gone out of her limbs--

“Wow,” Harada snorts. “You know, I thought Shinpachi could come on a little strong, but that was a whole other weight class. You should have told me he was your ex, I wouldn’t have backed him up.”

“He’s not! He’s just...overprotective.” She’s flushed as she slips past him to the kitchen, desperate to avoid that knowing side-eye. “He used to look out for me when we were small, and then we lost touch, and now...I...I guess he feels like it’s his job to make sure I’m taken care of.”

He nods, arms folding across his chest-- a detail she can note now that he’s put on a shirt. “So he’s making up for lost time.”

It’s weird to think of it like that, like taking care of her might be something to miss, rather just a burden that’s been foisted upon him. “Ah, I...guess, yeah.”

Souji scoffs from his corner, perched up by the sink like a judgemental cat. “Making up for lost blue balls is more like it.”

Harada ignores him, stepping close to put a hand on her shoulder. “You know, if you want to do a Christmas thing, we can just do one here. It may be just the three of us--”

“Count me out.” Souji hops off his perch, clinging to the walls like he expects someone to chase him out with a broom. Or worse, try to pet him. “I don’t do lame ass Christmas stuff.”

“All right.” Harada huffs out a laugh as Souji skulks up the stairs, shaking his head. “Just the two of us then. Maybe we’ll pop some movies on TV, make some popcorn? I can even get some hot chocolate going as long as you don’t mind it coming from a packet.”

He winks, and for a moment, it sounds...so nice. To be able to sit her phone on the arm of the couch and not have to worry about whether she might miss a call, or about whether she’s interrupting by taking it. To have company while she waits, a distraction, something to make her feel less like she’s missing Christmas, and more like something new--

“Mine will be slutty, of course,” he rumbles, so close to her side he nearly looms. There’s a smile when he says it, a twinkle in his eye, and sure it’s supposed to be a joke, but-- but she’s been here long enough to know that friend tends to be a stepping stone to fuckbuddy when it comes to Harada. Not something he plans, but something he falls into; a fiction he fools himself into believing right up until his flavor of the week walks out of his room in his shirt.

Movies and cocoa sounds like the perfect evening with friends, but there’s also something...intimate about it. Two people on that couch, curled up in one corner, sharing heat under the same blanket...Harada might have the best of intentions, but she’s not convinced he knows how to hang out with a girl and not have sex. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, so to speak, so long as everyone is having a good time. But for Chizuru...

Chizuru can imagine it. She would lay her head on his shoulder-- or rather, somewhere in the vacinity of his shoulder-- letting his hand creep around her rib cage, thumb brushing right below the lower limits of her bra. It would shock her; she’s not the type of girl who lets boys this close, but Harada’s always felt safe, treating her more like a mascot than a woman. She’d look up, confused, and he’d look down, fond, and then he’d lean in, bending down, and down--

and down--

Ah, he’s just...too tall for her. Sen may have told her that was part of the fun when it came to being just a hair below average, but when Chizuru considers the health of his spine--

She turns her head, hiding her grimace. “No, I think I’m-- I’ll be fine on my own.”

It’s Harada’s turn to look concerned now. “Are you sure, Chizuru? It’s really no problem for me to--?”

“I’m sure,” she says, firmer, in the same tone her father used to keep inspectors from asking more questions. The last thing she needs is for him to get the idea in his head to why; your height is daunting, is not an answer she want to have to explain, nor is, and I think you’re too experienced to stop at holding hands, too.

“Don’t worry,” she says instead, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “A day by myself is just what I need. Now, what do we want for dinner?”

It’s dark by the time she gets back to her room, her bedside table the only light in the room. She pads over to it, curious, wondering just why she might have left it--

“Oh no,” she gasps, hurrying over. “My phone, I’ve left it here all day!”

Missed texts and university emails stretch across the screen, but she doesn’t spare them a glance, thumb nudging her past every icon until she’s sure-- no voicemail, no missed calls, no emails with greetings from tropical climes. It’s Christmas wherever Father is, but he hasn’t thought of her.

“He’s not up yet,” she tells herself, the sound of the words calming her when thoughts can’t. “There’s lots of time zones in the Pacific. He’s probably just in one that’s still asleep. Waiting for Santa, I bet!”

That gets her to laugh, the strange ache in her chest easing as she settles on the bed, looking through what’s she’s missed. More holiday greetings from Sen and Kimigiku it seems, filled with semi-ironic usage of stickers; a message from Hijikata telling her to take it easy over break, and not to let the boys run her ragged; blast texts from classmates she’s friendly with, impersonal maybe, but Chizuru’s happy to be thought of; and--

[Susumu Yamazaki] I could call now if you like

She blinks, stymied. “Call? Why would he...?”

With a tap the chat unfurls beneath her fingertips. The message its at the bottom of the screen, timestamp that morning, a few minutes after her own text, one that read--

“Oh!” She claps a hand to her cheek, mortified. “Oh my gosh.”

[Me] I’m so sorry!! I didn’t see this until now!! Hachiro sprung a surprise visit on me. I had to get ready quick!! 😱 Well actually I was asleep when he sent the text. 😴 So it wasn’t meant to be a surprise. But it was!! 🤣

She sighs, letting the phone drop to her lap. Yamazaki’s at home with his parents, doing...whatever families do at holidays. It’s too much to hope he’s sitting around, waiting for her text even after she let him sit for a whole day unanswered. It’d be her just deserts to wait for hours, hoping--

[Susumu Yamazaki] That would do it.

She stares, speechless, her thumbs hanging limp on the screen. “Is he really...?”

[Susumu Yamazaki] Iba hasn’t been by in a while. Did you have a good time?

[Me] It was nice to see him! 😄 His parents wanted him to invite me over for Christmas. Hachiro must have told them my dad’s on sabbatical.

[Susumu Yamazaki] Is that were you’ll be tomorrow? That was kind of them.

[Me] Ah no. It felt too weird to see them for such a big event when we haven’t seen each other for like seven years. And plus I don’t have gifts! 😂

[Susumu Yamazaki] Iba’s parents wouldn’t care about something like that. Not if they’re anything like him.

[Me] Ah I didn’t mean to imply they would!! 😧 They definitely wouldn’t!! They’re so kind!! It just...felt rude. And I wanted to wait for my dad to call. So staying in seems like the best option all around.😄

[Susumu Yamazaki] Is there something planned at the house? Never asked you guys, I guess.

[Me] Sanosuke offered to do something festive tomorrow, but Souji isn’t interested.🤭

[Susumu Yamazaki] Okita hasn’t met a positive experience he couldn’t make worse. So what are you doing with Harada?

[Me] Nothing!! 😂 Sano is super nice. He’s just also very...friendly? A little too friendly I guess. I know he didn’t mean anything by it but being alone just the two of us... You know how he is.

[Susumu Yamazaki] lol Didn’t want to tell you what to do. But he has his reputation for a reason. Will you be okay by yourself? Or is it cool to not have plans?

I’m fine!! sits in the box, ready to send, but for once, Chizuru hesitates. It’s easy to give out niceties to Harada or Hachiro-- they want to be assured she’s all right, that they don’t have to worry about her. But Yamazaki has never asked her a question he doesn’t want a real answer to. To give him some stock response...it feels like lying, even if it was to put him at ease.

[Me] A little of both if that makes sense?

There’s no delay before he replies, I don’t want to pry. Do you want to talk about it?

Her fingers squeeze tight around the case, rubber buttons biting into the fleshy bits of her knuckles. She’s not used to doing this, to admitting things aren’t always sunshine, but somehow it’s easier to press the buttons than it is to speak the words, and once she starts it pours out of her, flooding the screen.

[Me] It’s just that Christmas was a big deal with my dad. It’s weird to not do anything for it? But also no one can be my dad? So if I spent it with other people I’d feel like I’d have to prentend it’s just as good. So if I’m by myself there’s no pressure to do that. I can just let it be bad or only okay. No one has to feel like they’re not enough. But also that feels a little lonely? So I don’t know. At least this way I’m the only one who has to worry about it.

The second she finishes, a tidal wave of regret threats to pull her under, to drown her in her own words. What was she thinking, telling him all that? He can’t have possibly wanted--

[Susumu Yamzaki] If you want

Chizuru blinks, eyes fixed to the screen. It’s a mistake, she knows; only half a sentence and there’s a frantic way Susumu Yamazaki is typing keeps showing up on her screen before it disappears once again. But still, she can’t look away, not when she’s pours all her thoughts out like pus from a boil, and his first reaction isn’t, Ew.

[Susumu Yamazaki] Sorry. Cat was helping.

She’s known Yamazaki for three months, and yet that’s the most personal piece of information she’s ever heard about him. She want to ask him all about it, whether it’s male or female, if it’s a calico or a tabby or something else she’s never heard of. Siamese, maybe? She can picture him with one of those.

Her lips clamp together, trying to swallow down a wiry giggle. Yamazaki has a cat. Or at least his parents do. There’s one on him right now, weaving through his arms, trying to get attention as he types. And he’s giving it to her instead.

[Susumu Yamazaki] Anyway. If you get lonely you can call me. I certainly don’t mind that I’m not your dad.

[Me] I’d like that. As long as you don’t mind that I WILL be watching the Christmas Prince and its associated films.

[Susumu Yamazaki] We can watch them together. There’s an app. It will be a relief to have an excuse not to interact with my family for a few hours.

There’s a knot in her throat when she hesitates, slowly typing out, If you don’t mind.

[Susumu Yamazaki] Not at all. I’ve been asked a total of nine times why I’m not going into acupunture. Even the Christmas Prince will be an improvement.

[Me] Okay!! Do you mind waiting a little bit? I’m waiting for my dad to call.

[Susumu Yamazaki] Take as long as you need.

When she wakes up, it’s with a start. The bedside lamp is off-- ah, she doesn’t remember doing that-- and so it’s with her hands that she reaches out, trying to locate rubber corners through her covers.

“I can’t believe I missed it,” she gasps, ragged with frustration. “He finally calls, and I’m not even--”

The screen lights up when she lifts it, but it doesn’t show a call, oh no, but--

[😽] dont say i never get u guys ne thing 🤗

She blinks, kitty face coming into focus. “The house chat?”

[😽] merry xmas u mfs 🎄🎅 www.ujkyo.edu/news dont say i never get u guys ne thing 🤗

#yamachi #hakuouki #my fic #modern au #college au #If the Mind Is Willing #LARP AU #i thought i would be getting to the beginning of the LARP reveal with this chapte #but iba took over for a little while #and then yamazaki and chizuru were being cute #and i can't be held accountable for how these end up at 7K okay #but let me say next chapter will have more LARP reveal than you can shake a stick at #and nagakura in an ugly christmas sweater

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