#Fifth assembly

[the-knife-consumer]

The weirdest thing in totk so far has been finding out that there was an intended method of finding mineru where you were supposed to get hints steadily on who the fifth sage was and you weren't supposed to just force your way through zero visibility thunderstorms for the sake of exploring and then getting jumpscared by a talking construct head and realizing you just triggered a major plot centric quest early to mid game with only two other sages

[downtofragglerock]

Man, everyone was straight up serving cunt in Snakedance, like full on slutting it up

[keroseneinhalers]

any amount of time longer than a few months counts as homeschooled btw

[earhartsplane]

The insanity of French politics in the last few days is re-kindling a deeply buried instinct to start a podcast.

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

Gunpla stream was so fun 😊 I finished all my important work (and my last meeting) before starting to build, so I started building around 2 and didn't quite finish before the stream finished. But I still got a few shots building alongside the stream, so here's those:

And here's the finished build!

[nezuscribe]

gojo never imagined an arrange marriage with you, but now you’re all he can think about.

he thinks about you when he’s training, when he’s seated at his round table, when he’s in his bed, everywhere, every time, you’re all he can think about.

and you’re oblivious to it.

you heard the gossip everywhere you walked, about the girl gojo was pleading with his family to marry. how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how much more elegant she was compared to you. you knew you were never his first choice, not even his fifth, but it hurt even more when everybody acknowledged it.

you stopped wearing your wedding ring, started acting like you were just another person there. luckily gojo didn’t seem to be in any hurry about making heirs, so pretending like you two were working things out didn’t even matter anymore.

you find yourself alone most of the time. your maids were kind and patient, but they had so many things to do throughout the day that you felt awful pestering them to walk around the estate with you.

eating dinners with gojo became normal, but most of your other meals were in silence, always feeling like a speck of dust in the large dining hall.

one day when you’re walking around aimlessly you stumble across the training grounds, the open space below you filled with men swinging wooden swords back and forth at each other.

it wasn’t difficult to find your husband, his white hair hard to miss in a crowd of others. he didn’t notice you watching from above, and so you stayed hidden, not knowing if the men were picky with who watched them.

he was swift and agile. everything he did was precise and with meaning. no wonder he was named the best warrior of the north.

you found this to be more entertaining than walking around the gardens for the tenth time or watching the cooks assemble the next meal, so you didn’t even notice how gojo looked up to see you, somehow slipping away without you knowing.

you were in a state of watching but not really thinking, almost jumping out of your skin when you heard his voice behind you.

“didn’t know i had an audience,”

you yelp, flinching as you look behind you to see your husband all sweaty, panting slightly as he moves his hair away from his face. you eye the stairs that led him up here, wondering how you could’ve missed that.

you laugh sheepishly, giving him an apologetic smile as you pick are your nails.

“i’m sorry,” you scratch behind your ears, feeling heat rise to your cheeks under his intense gaze. it’s unfair how pretty somebody can look, especially after training for an hour straight, “i was just walking around and i saw this.”

he waved it off, shaking his head as he leaned his sword on the wall.

“not a problem,” his eyes shine, “i just would’ve tried harder if i knew my wife was watching.”

my wife.

the words fall so smoothly from his lips you wonder how many times he’s said it before. with malice, hatred, necessity?

you smile a little bit, eyes crinkling around the edges as you look away briefly, not noticing the way gojo chased after your cheerful face.

“how’d you get up here? where are your ladies?” he asks suddenly, looking around at the fact that it was just you up here.

“my what?” you say, looking up at him through furrowed brows.

“you know,” he waves his arm around as if that would help, “you’re ladies in waiting,”

you scrunch up your nose a little bit, something he noticed you did when you were confused.

“oh, well, my maids are working right now,” you tell him, noting that he still didn’t look any less confused.

“no, not your maids, your ladies,” he tilts his head to the side, “the girls your family sent them up to help you around.”

you stare at him, unblinking.

“the girls that are your friends, the ones that help accustom you…” gojo trials off when he realizes he’s not getting anywhere with you.

you feel even more embarrassed than when he caught you watching him, hating the way you were clueless at yet another thing in this life that no one explained to you.

“the girls you hang around with?” he finally lands on, hoping this jogs your memory.

you shake your head, eyes wide as you fidget with the fabric of your dress. his eyes fall onto your finger, lingering on the fact that you’re not wearing your ring.

“who do you spend your time with throughout the day?” gojo seems even more lost than you. he’s seen you with…? well surely that one time…?

“by,” you swallow, embarrassed, “by myself. i walk around a lot.” you admit sheepishly.

“your family didn’t send…?” he answers his own question with his silence.

this entire time you’ve been alone?

he opens his mouth to speak but somebody beats him to it.

“satoru! get down here! we’re still not done!” his friends shouts from below, and you look over your shoulder to see all the men staring at the two of you.

gojo stares at you, unblinking.

“i,” he swallows but can’t find any words.

you can’t either.

he leaves you there, running down those stairs as he shouts at the other guys to resume what they were doing. that entire day he was off his balance because he kept looking up to see you there, but you weren’t.

maybe you were just walking around, like you said.

[cromwellrex2]

The “Barebones Parliament” July-December 1653: ‘you are as like the forming of God as ever people were’

Government by the Godly

Cromwell Addressing the Parliament. Source: Alamy Stock Photos

WITH THE dissolution of the Rump Parliament, the three former kingdoms of the British Isles were in unchartered territory. Ireland was effectively under English military occupation; Scotland was to all intents and purposes an English possession, but England itself now had no functioning government at all and the task of coming up with an answer to this constitutional quandary fell to the former nondescript squire, Oliver Cromwell.

Cromwell’s first action was to reconvene the Council of State to provide some form of civilian government and counter charges from Royalists and Radicals that Cromwell, by deposing the Rump had effectively introduced a military dictatorship. His two main colleagues, John Lambert and Thomas Harrison, had very different views of what should succeed the Rump. Lambert, a reformist pragmatist, recognised that Parliament without a King was inherently a constitutional question mark. His view was that Parliament should be replaced by a professional body that would comprise executive authority but would not necessarily be representative; Harrison by contrast wanted a Parliament of the godly who would prepare the ground for the imminent Second Coming. The Council of State eventually proposed that a non-elected assembly should be formed, consisting of 140 members, representing the counties of England and the realms of Scotland and Ireland. These members would be nominated and approved by local Army Councils: it would most definitely not be a Parliament and was officially termed the Nominated Assembly.

The Assembly had its inaugural meeting on 4th July 1653 in Whitehall but inevitably had immediate problems of legitimacy. This was best illustrated by the scornful term applied to it by its critics at the time and to which it is known to history: “Barebones’ Parliament”. This perjorative was derived from the name of one of the members of the Assembly, the elaborately titled Praise God Barebon. This member had no particularly prominent role in the Assembly, but for the anti-military wags who coined the term, it symbolised both the scratchy legality of the Assembly itself and the widely held view that the body consisted of a non-representative group of religious fanatics, more intent on preparing the way for the Fifth Monarchy than bringing stability or good governance to the Commonwealth.

Cromwell’s speech to the Assembly reflected the precariousness of the situation. He told the members that he expected them to get down to enacting the long delayed legislation first promulgated by the Long Parliament in its series of disputes with Charles I, which the Rump had so signally failed to do. Equally, he was keen that the Assembly did not get too comfortable: once legislative priorities had been taken forward, a second Nominated Committee would be formed, tasked with establishing a new republican constitutional settlement. The Assembly, which ironically soon renamed itself a Parliament, initially approached the task with vigour. It met six days a week, attendance by members was high and enthusiasm to introduce the reforms Parliament had strived to implement in the late 1630s and early 1640s was genuine. However the Assembly soon encountered the same problems as the Rump. There was simply too much historic legislation to sift through. So many of the bills introduced in the days of John Pym that had met monarchical resistance or got nowhere because of the civil wars, were half-baked, ill thought through and even performative. In the event, however, what fatally undermined the Barebones Parliament was legal reform and the question of tithes.

Tithes were a major source of grievance for Puritans. They consisted of payments by each subject for the upkeep of their minister. Tithes dated back to before the Reformation and had been inherited by the Anglican church. Puritans viewed them as an imposition because parishioners had had no say in the choice of priest or minister (fundamental to Calvinist belief), and believed the whole system of ministry required overhaul, including the abolition of tithes altogether and the establishment of a state Church. The scrapping of tithes had long been an article of faith amongst the Presbyterian majority of the Long Parliament, but the Assembly came up against two very knotty practical problems: if tithes were to go, how were ministers’ livings to be paid for and, secondly, how to deal with the fact that laymen had, over the centuries , obtained the right to levy tithes, and many of those laymen were Parliamentary landowners. The Barebones Parliament soon fractured on the issue. The Presbyterian “moderates”, who recognised tithes had taken on an aspect of inherited property, argued for their reduction in scope, value and number, but did not agree with abolition; the religious fundamentalist “radicals” believed all tithes should be abolished immediately.

When it came to legal reform, the “moderate” faction was keen to ensure the inviolability of property remained intact, while nonetheless correcting archaic law that seemed to have feudal roots; the radicals wanted a new codification of English law and were much more relaxed about the protection of property rights. Into this mix was added the theocratic view of the Fifth Monarchists that Biblical law should inform the law of the Commonwealth. Ultimately the profound differences in view was not sustainable: the radicals formed their own separate committee to review the law, effectively ensuring that nothing would get done.

Factionalism did for the Barebones. After a “re-election” vote saw many of the religious radicals lose their seats, the Fifth Monarchists withdrew their support for the Assembly and began to attack it through sermons and pamphlets. The Monarchists’ preachers were some of the most fiery in the Commonwealth. A contemporary described their assaults on any aspects of the Assembly of which they did not approve, the ‘most horrid trumpets of fire, murther and flame’. Exacerbating an atmosphere of political division and conflict was the Assembly’s ill-advised decision to prosecute the newly-returned Leveller leader “Honest” John Lilburne for treason. Lilburne had been exiled by the Rump for sedition and he returned to England in June to support the godly radicals in their disputes with the Presbyterians. On his arrest, a huge campaign of Leveller and radical agitation began to petition for his release. In the event, Lilburne’s trial collapsed: the great champion of the common man simply used the unconstitutionality of the Rump who had exiled him, and that of the Assembly who sought to try him, to bring the proceedings into disrepute. Lilburne was acquitted.

As the work of the Assembly began to grind to a halt, John Lambert issued his own contribution to the future governance of the realm. In the autumn of 1653, Lambert published a document called the Instrument of Government, which effectively comprised the first attempt at a written constitution in British history. Cromwell himself was impressed with Lambert’s work, but he still hoped the Nominated Assembly would work. He was to be disappointed. In early December a moderate motion on tithes which recommended a thorough overhaul of the system but fell short of outright abolition, was defeated by an alliance of convenience between radicals who wanted abolition and conservatives who wanted the system to continue untouched. The frustrated moderates then despaired of the Barebones Parliament ever working. With the connivance of the Speaker, Francis Rous, at the next session, moderate members condemned their radical colleagues as saboteurs and quit the chamber. As they did so, a squad of soldiers, organised by Lambert, entered and forcibly removed the radical members. The moderates then marched to Cromwell’s office in Whitehall and collectively resigned from the Assembly, returning the powers the General had bestowed on them. The Barebones Parliament had dissolved itself.

For the second time in six months, an attempt to forge a postwar governing settlement for England had collapsed, the coup de grace having again been performed by the Army. Once again, Oliver Cromwell, without doubt the most powerful man in the country, had been presented with the dilemma of what to do next. Key to Lambert’s Instrument of Government was his contention that in the absence of a monarch, executive authority had to be replaced if the country was to have effective government. Whether willingly or not, it was now accepted by Cromwell that possibly only one man could fill the void the Rump and the Assembly had proved unable to do: Cromwell himself.

[reasonsforhope]

"France became the first country in the world to make abortion a constitutional right Monday [March 4, 2024], with French lawmakers adopting the bill in a 780-72 vote in a move inspired by the U.S. reversal of Roe vs. Wade.

The law gives women a "guaranteed freedom" to choose for themselves if an abortion is the right choice to make.

The amendment won the support of the three-fifths of the 925 National Assembly and Senate members required to pass in an extraordinary afternoon session at the Palace of Versailles just outside Paris in a move that was overwhelmingly supported by the public.

Prime Minister Gabriel Attal said to those assembled in Congress Hall that "we owe a moral debt" to the women who had to suffer through illegal abortions in the past.

After the vote to approve the constitutional change, Paris' Eiffel Tower was lit with the words in French "my body my choice" in the country where abortion was first legalized in 1975, two years after the United States' first ruling on Roe vs. Wade...

While limiting abortion ranked very low on France's political agenda, lawmakers were prompted to take action to protect abortion rights in 2022 following the U.S. Supreme Court's overturning of the 1973 Roe ruling that legalized abortion. Subsequently, several American states have passed laws to restrict or outlaw the procedure.

"I say to all women within our borders and beyond, that today, the era of a world of hope begins," said Attal, who at 34 became the country's youngest prime minister.

This was the first time since 2008 that France took steps to change its constitution. There will be a ceremony to finalize the amendment on Friday [March 8, 2024], which is also International Women's Day."

-via UPI (United Press International), March 4, 2024

--

Note: It may be the first, but I am confident that it will not be the last!

[p0orbaby]

Hi writer, hope you are doing well and if you are accepting request

Requesting a barca teen who is short like aitana and may be shorter than her and the team likes to baby her or tease her good naturedly and The reader is the one who scores the winning goal for barca through a header surprising everyone

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The match is a big one. The kind where the crowd feels too loud and too quiet all at once, and the floodlights could probably fry an egg if you held one close enough. You’re on the bench—standard practice when you’re 5’2” and look more like you belong at a school assembly than on a pitch. Aitana, the second shortest on the team, is on the pitch, legs pumping like pistons.

“Looking for your big sister?” Mapi teases, leaning back on the bench beside you. “Or maybe your carer?”

“She’s not my sister,” you mutter, flicking the grass off your boots. You’ve heard all the jokes before. Aitana calls you “her shadow,” and the rest of the team has gleefully adopted the dynamic.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Patri chimes in, tying her ponytail for what must be the fifth time today. “You even walk like her”

“No, she skips,” Mapi adds, making an exaggerated bouncing motion with her shoulders. “It’s very cute”

You glower at them, crossing your arms. Cute. As if that’s what you signed up for—endless ribbing and being treated like someone’s younger cousin at a wedding. You’re here to win. To play. To prove you’re not just a mascot with a squad number.

“Alright, you’re in,” the coach says suddenly, and you spring to your feet so fast you almost trip over your bootlaces.

“What, her?” Mapi exclaims, clearly delighted. “Coach, do you want me to carry her onto the pitch?”

You shoot her a look that could cut glass and jog out before she can say anything else.

The game is tied—1-1—and the tension in the stadium feels like a living, breathing thing. You’re darting between defenders, trying not to let the adrenaline make your legs feel like jelly.

Aitana passes you the ball with a grin, whispering something as you pass her by. “Don’t get lost out there, pequeña”

You don’t respond, just shoot her a glare over your shoulder and keep moving.

Then comes the moment. A cross from Patri so perfect it feels like it was gift-wrapped. The defender marking you is taller—of course—but you don’t care. You jump. And for a second, you’re airborne, defying every height-related joke you’ve ever heard.

The header is clean, sharp, and perfectly placed. The ball rockets into the back of the net, and the crowd erupts.

You land with a thud and turn, wide-eyed, as your teammates descend on you like you’ve just cured cancer.

“Was that—” Aitana starts, staring at you like she’s not sure whether to laugh or scream.

“A header,” Mapi finishes for her, running up behind you and hoisting you into the air. “The short one scored a header!”

You’re laughing, almost dizzy from the chaos, but you can’t help the smug grin spreading across your face.

“You know,” you say, as Mapi sets you down, “maybe it’s time you lot stopped calling me small”

Aitana raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “Sure. Right after you grow another five inches”

You roll your eyes, but there’s no malice in it. The teasing doesn’t bother you so much now—not when the scoreboard says 2-1, and your name is written next to it.

[heeology]

I have a request for a fic where both Jake and reader are starting their freshman year of college and jake is applying to be in a frat, but to be accepted the brothers in the frat make a bet with him to make the reader sleep with him ….

a/n -> omg i was literally thinking abt writing a jake fic (which i'll get to soon) and then this pops up lmao. but your mind...lord, this is such a good idea. anyway, tysm for being my first request !! it means a lot lol and i rlly hope you enjoy this :)) then, just in general, if you also sent me a request, i promise i have seen it !! i just work five days a week now, so i don't rlly have a lot of time to sit and write, but i promise i am working on them and will release them when i can 💕

are you down or what? | s.jy

pairing -> futurefratboy!jake x fem!reader

genre -> college au, best friends (alludes) to fwb

warnings -> MDNI, smut, drinking, cursing, mention of weed (no drug use tho)

w.c. -> 7.3k

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Going to college is already scary enough, moving to college is even scarier. You wouldn’t categorize yourself as the “outgoing type” and you had pretty much figured your college experience would be dull and stressful; Junior year of high school pretty much prepped you for that. Luckily (depending on how you see it) for you, Jake is the complete opposite. He loved extra-curriculars, joining clubs, joining sports teams, and always made honor roll; essentially, he loved making new friends, trying new things. Everyone adored him and he had practically a long line of people waiting to be his friend. If only they knew they just had to be allergic to any sort of social activity and he would’ve immediately taken them under his wing. He’s always tried to have you venture out of your comfort zone, and sometimes, it worked. This time, however, you honestly didn’t see yourself branching out alongside him. Which both bummed you out and seemed as if it was inevitable. 

Who knew that the kid you met at your fifth grade honor roll assembly and pizza party would be the one you ended up applying to colleges with, let alone plan on going to the same college with? Well, actually, you and Jake didn’t quite get along at first, it was your moms that became best friends well before the two of you did. But, thankfully, both of your moms showed up to the honor roll assembly and brought the two of you together. Even if at first he would try to make conversation with you and you would just nod your head in response, too shy to actually say anything back. At first, he thought you hated him and at the time, you thought he was annoying, but somehow you both came to find these qualities about each other endearing. There were a lot of times you were grateful to have met him and have him as your best friend.

But when he brought up the topic of a fraternity mixer while he was helping–well, more like he was the only one working–assemble an IKEA storage unit for your dorm room as you both sat on your floor, you automatically rolled your eyes. You weren’t surprised in the slightest that one of the first things he wanted to do since you guys got to college was join a frat; it’s like he was born for this, and you mean it in the least douchey way possible. 

“Come on, it’s just like, some mixer; nothing major. I really want you to come. Please?” he says as he drags out the “e” at the end. 

You roll your eyes again and let out a huff, handing him the screwdriver to which he rolls his eyes in return and takes it. “It’s only been a week and you’re already rushing a frat?”

“What? Think I’m not good enough for them?” he asks, joking as he continues to assemble the storage unit for you. You knew he was perfect for this sort of thing, you swear, he was already breezing through it as a pledge, or at least he was making it seem like it. Besides, you’re pretty sure that he is even mistaken as a member already around campus. “It’s not even going to be that bad. Plus, there’s going to be free booze and hella cute chicks, so there’s that to look forward to.” he says as he grins to himself.

“Gross,” you mumble, “it’s not really sounding like there’s anything for me at this dumb thing.”

He chuckles a little. “What? You mean the thought of hanging out with a bunch of sweaty dudes playing beer pong doesn’t sound enticing?”

You shudder, “You’re not really selling your case here, pal.”

He laughs. “C’moooonnnnn,” he whines, playfully bumping his shoulder with yours, “I promise you’ll have fun. And if not, then we’ll just leave after an hour and get some food. Sound good?”

You think for a moment before letting out a huff, “Fine. But if you even leave me alone for a second with those…heathens, then I will never speak to you again.” you say, half joking, half serious.

“You’re acting like these dudes are all terrible people; they’re not the spawn on Satan, y’know.” he says as he can sense the hesitance and apprehension in your voice. “I promise I won’t leave you and I’ll hold your hand the whole time.” he says as he coos and then laughs to himself.

“Dear god.” you mutter, rolling your eyes again, which only makes him chuckle.

“I’m just kidding. But seriously, you’re coming. Who knows, it could be a funny story later on.”

“Right. I bet it’ll elicit all sorts of chuckles.” you say, sarcastically.

He laughs again, shaking his head slightly as he focuses on working on the IKEA product. He shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe you’ll even meet someone there. Imagine if you fell in love with one of the frat dudes.” he laughs at his own thought. 

You scoff, “Ew.”

“I know, right? How mortifying, you fall in love with some muscular, frat boy named Chad.” he shivers, “Scary.” he says, teasing you.

You laugh, “Shut up.”

He chuckles softly and then stops working to look at you. “But seriously, will you please come with me? It would be nice having you there, and it will be our first college party together, how can you possibly pass that up?” he says as he pouts slightly, giving you his best “puppy dog eyes”.

You roll your eyes and playfully shove his shoulder, “Ew, fine! Stop doing that.”

He laughs and grins, “You are the best friend I could ever ask for!” he says, acting overly enthusiastic as he hugs you tightly, ruffles your hair, then kisses your cheek. “We’re gonna have so much fun, you’ll see.”

“Bleh,” you jokingly whine as you wipe your cheek, “yeah, yeah. Just finish my storage thing.”

He rolls his eyes, “Yes ma’am.” he says as he continues working for a few more minutes. He finishes working on the storage unit, turning it upright and smiling proudly. “What would you do without me, honestly? BOOM!” he says as he smacks it lightly, “There it is, built by yours truly; you’re welcome.” he says with a smug grin.

“Alright, alright, calm down.” you say as you laugh a bit. You stand up, rolling it over to a corner in your dorm room.

Jake follows your lead, standing up as well. “Here, I can even help you pick out something to wear for the party. I was thinking of wearing a Polo-”

You turn to him and grimace, “Dear god, you’re already becoming one of them.”

He laughs and scoffs, “Hey, I make Polo’s look hot, don’t even try to act like I don’t. Besides, if I wear a short sleeved one, it will totally show off my muscles.” he says as he flexes a bit, grinning. You roll your eyes and pretend to gag and he laughs and stops flexing before nudging your arm. “Shut up.” he mumbles and turns to look at your closet. “Do you still have that dress you wore to that grad party we went to over the summer?”

“I mean, I think.” you say as you walk over to your closet rummaging inside it (even if there isn’t much room to rummage through).

You were kind of surprised to hear him talk about a dress you wore almost two months ago, but you didn’t think too much about it. You suppose maybe he only did because it was the first dress you wore in a while, so maybe he just subconsciously remembered about it. He glances at you as you look for the dress. He was secretly grateful you didn’t tease him for remembering about it, but he just thought you looked pretty in it. Not that you aren’t pretty all the time just…that time…he shakes his head to himself; it’s just a pretty dress.

He crosses his arms and peers over your shoulder, looking into what clothes you have in your closet as well. “What about that white top?” he asks, pointing out a white, low-cut tank top that is discarded to the side of the closet. “Wear that with a nice skirt or something; that’d look good.”

You glance at it and laugh, “I wear that to bed when it’s too hot. I am not wearing that to the party; my boobs will literally be spilling out of it.”

He pauses for a moment before speaking again. “And that’s a bad thing because…?” He grins, giving you a quick wink which results in you punching his shoulder. He laughs and rubs his shoulder. “Kidding, kidding! But seriously, pick out something. You’ll look amazing in whatever you choose.” he shrugs casually. You roll your eyes and keep rummaging through your closet, suddenly hating every article of clothing you own. He leans against the wall next to your closet, “I swear to god, I can never understand why girls sometimes take so long to pick out what they wear. It’s like, how hard can it be to choose something quickly and then wear it?”

“Jesus, fine, you pick out something, then.” you say as you walk over to your bed, laying on it. “You’re the one who wants me to go, anyway.”

Jake smiles mischievously, walking over to your closet and looking through your clothes. “Do you have those tight, high-waisted jeans? The ones you wore last weekend?”

You raise an eyebrow. Is he talking about the ones you wore to the brunch your mom took you out to with him and his mom? You laugh. “Probably. My mom bought them, so she probably snuck them in there somewhere.” you don’t even realize you’re smiling a bit to yourself, a part of you secretly liking that he remembered them; maybe you looked better than you thought. “Aren’t skinny jeans, like, out or whatever?”

Jake shrugs. “All I know is your ass looked good.” he says as he spots them after looking through some of your bottoms. He grabs them and tosses them at you, the jeans hitting your stomach, causing you to let out a small “oomph”. “And pair it with that white tank top. For your shoes…” he shrugs, “maybe your Doc Martens or something casual. That’ll look good.” he says as he looks at you, nodding his head in satisfaction. “There. Done. And it only took, like, two minutes. See? It wasn’t even hard.” he jokes.

“You chose, quite literally, the most basic outfit known to man.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not even that bad. Besides, you’ll pull it off, anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “I’ll wear the pants and the shoes, but I am not wearing my “booby” shirt, you perv.”

“Oh, c’mon. You know you like to show it off sometimes.” he says, grinning as he wiggles his eyebrows before laughing softly. “Just wear it, please? For me?” he jokes in a playfully flirty tone. “Plus, I need some sort of eye candy when we go to this thing.”

You scoff, playfully. “Ohhhhh, I see what this is.” you say as you sit up on your bed. “You’re hoping if you bring a hot girl to the mixer, you’ll have an automatic in with these frat fuckers, right?”

The tips of Jake’s ears turn slightly red and he scoffs, looking away before looking back at you. “What? No, that’s not the reason. Not the entire reason, anyway.” he says, laughing slightly to hide his embarrassment. “It’ll just be nice to go with you, okay?”

“Uh-huh, suuuurrrreeee.”

He laughs before going to sit beside you on your bed. “Okay, fine, fine, you got me. I did want to bring a hot girl so it'd be easier to get in with the frat. But that's not the whole reason! I also wanted to go with my best friend since we haven't really hung out this week because of classes. And I knew I'd need at least one sane person to keep me in check. Or, at least, as sane as you can get." he teases, wearing that stupid giddy grin of his he gets whenever he feels he said something hilarious. 

You scoff, playfully, “Watch it.” you warn.

He laughs, “Sorry, sorry. I meant a perfectly sane, normal human who doesn’t listen to musicals in her spare time.”

You nudge his arm, “Hey! That was middle school me, back off.”

He laughs again, “I’m messing with you. But seriously, I am glad that you’re coming. It’ll be way more fun with you there.” he smiles that typical charming smile he does, not because he knows he looks good doing it, but because he just does anyway. “I really do appreciate you. Especially since you’re ‘sacrificing’ your sanity to be surrounded by these frat guys.”

“Soon, you’ll be one of them.” you shudder, “I’ll have to start writing my obituary for you.”

“Oh, come on, we’re not all that bad. I'm sure there's at least a few decent guys there that aren't complete douchebags. They're just...eccentric." he jokes, "This mixer will be a great chance for me to maybe get an in with the career path I wanna take plus if I leave a good impression with the frat guys, maybe I won’t have to be a pledge for much longer."

“‘We’re’? Oh my god, you’re already clumping yourself together with them!” you say in fake horror.

“Oh my god, you’re right.” he says in the same tone with a shocked expression. “I’m turning into one of them without even realizing it! Quick, snap me out of it!” he says, laughing slightly. 

You shrug, “Gladly.” you say before punching his shoulder. It honestly hurts your knuckles, but you decide to keep that to yourself and ignore the pins and needles shooting through your hand.

He frowns and looks at you with an “i’m not mad, just disappointed look” which causes you to burst out laughing. “You know, you’ve got a mean right hook. Who knows, you might be the one joining the frat.” he says, rubbing his shoulder a little before wrapping his hand over your knuckles, squeezing it a little. He knows you probably hurt your hand a bit, so he hopes this makes your hand feel a little better before letting go. 

“I’d rather die.” you say in such a serious manner, he can’t tell whether you’re joking or not, but he laughs nonetheless. 

“Just get dressed. I’ll come get you later, okay?” he says as he gets off of your bed.

You groan, “Fine. But I hope you know, you are throwing me to the wolves by making me wear this outfit.”

He laughs and opens your door. “Have to let them know I’m there with the best-looking, smartest, and funniest girl at the party somehow.” he says with a wink.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms. “You’re lucky flattery works with me.” you mutter.

He grins, “What can I say? I know you so well, babe.” he says before nodding his head as a goodbye and walking out of your dorm room, closing the door behind him.

-

Against your will (and your own regard for fashion), you wore what Jake had picked out for you. He smirks a bit as he looks at you after opening your door when he knocks around a few hours later. He looks you up and down, and you notice how his gaze lingered a little longer on your chest before meeting your eyes. You cross your arms, unintentionally pushing your chest a little together, he scoffs as his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah…I’m for sure getting into this frat.” he says, mainly saying it to himself, but you would be lying if it didn’t give you a little bit of an ego boost.

“Pipe down, it’s literally the most basic outfit known to man.”

“But you make it look hot…real hot.” he grins.

You roll your eyes and shove his shoulder. “Don’t even.” you mumble as you walk out of your dorm room, closing and locking the door behind you. 

He laughs softly as you start walking to the frat house, which is just around a block away. As you step outside, you shiver a bit from the cold and you frown at the fact that you didn’t bring a jacket, but you honestly felt too lazy to turn around and go back to grab one. He notices (and since he wasn’t wearing one either), he opts for putting his arm around your shoulders, pulling you a bit closer. 

“You have to admit, this is a little exciting. I mean, it’s our first college party and I’ll make it my mission to make it memorable.”

He honestly means that; he genuinely wants you to have a good time. He knows how you would rather be spending your time right now, just laying in your bed as you watch some show you’ve seen a thousand times, but he wants to break you out of that. Not that he has any problem with you being more introverted or wants to mold you into something he wants you to be, he has a more…specific reason than that. Your smile. As you two walk, he smiles to himself just thinking about it. How, whenever he sees you smiling this certain way–like you’re smiling for the first time–it’s like time stops; like you’re the only thing of importance in that very moment because nothing else matters, nothing else could possibly compare to how special and beautiful you look in those moments. It makes him feel giddy and the first time he ever saw you smile like that, he knew he had to do whatever it took to make it happen again. 

“Maybe for you, but if it smells like B.O. and weed, I am so out of there.”

He laughs and covers his mouth, his laugh coming out louder than he expected it to. He runs that hand through his hair and turns his head to look at you. “I feel like you have some underlying stereotypes about frat boys.”

“And until this party proves me otherwise, it’ll stay that way.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then you’re on your own once you join their cult.”

He chuckles softly and shakes his head a bit. “I’m not going to become some buff incel just because I want to join this fraternity.”

You knew that. Well, you were hoping that would be the case. But this is different. This is college. Dramatic, maybe, but you were afraid the two of you would split apart and although you have other friends, he’s the one you’ve had for years. He knows everything about you and has seen you through all of your phases and vice versa. You just feel this looming anxiety that him joining this fraternity will be the first step in the direction of you two no longer being friends; that you’ll just become people you pass by on your way to class. You don’t want to tell him this, though, you’re not really ready to have a discussion (which may turn into an argument) about this just yet. You feel terrible for wanting this, but you’re secretly hoping he doesn’t get in. Not because you don’t want him to branch out and experience his own things in college, well, maybe a little. Maybe you’re selfish. Or maybe you’re saving him from turning into a douche. At least, that’s what you’ll tell yourself to feel better about hoping he doesn’t get in. It’s just because you want him to not forget about you. You’re not as outgoing as him, so what if he starts to find you to be boring? The thought made you frown.

-

Ten minutes. It’s been ten minutes and this party is already making you feel like you’re being suffocated from the amount of people at this thing, all of whom already seem to be drunk. Once you and Jake got here, you could already tell you were going to hate every lousy minute you had to spend at this party. Especially since there have already been a few people who’ve had their eyes on you for a little longer than you wanted. You tried to make this situation a positive, trying to just relax and have fun as you see Jake greeting the many people he already knows. It’s only been a week since the semester started and he already knew at least twenty people here (yes, you counted). He introduced you to everyone he’s greeted, though, he didn’t want to make you feel left out. He could see you were a little uncomfortable, probably just because it was crowded and loud, so he decided to take you to the kitchen, getting the two of you some drinks. 

He smiles warmly, “We can dance if you want, or we can just talk, drink, get wasted, and judge people. Up to you.” he says, nudging your arm.

You smile a little and playfully roll your eyes. “I know that’s now what you want to do.”

“But it’s what you want to do.”

You look at him for a moment and before you say anything back, you hear a loud, booming voice calling Jake over. You both look and see some of the frat brothers laughing and motioning for him to come over as they yell at him like he’s some football player on the team they love. You glance at Jake. 

“Please go so they stop.”

He laughs and nods, walking over to them. You take another sip of your drink and then you see someone you met in one of your classes. They notice you and wave and you wave back before going over to talk with them.

Jake walks over to the group of four of the frat boys and greets them, dapping them up. One of them motions their head towards you, “So…who’s she?” he asks, crossing his arms as he grins. The others nod their heads and Jake turns to glance at you before looking at them.

He shrugs, smiling shyly, “She’s my best friend-”

“She rushing Delta Theta Zow?” another one asks.

Jake shakes his head, “Nah, sororities aren’t her thing.”

“Too bad, she’s hot.”

Jake feels himself frown slightly at that. Sure, his intention was to hopefully have them think you’re hot so they would be more inclined to go easier on him when hazing, maybe even just decide to let him in if he could prove he knew some hot girls despite how shallow that sounds. It’s just the way he said it, the way they’re looking at you, that makes him feel sick. 

“Tell you what, Jakey, you let us…get to know her, and who knows, you might just be exactly who we’re looking for.” one of them suggests.

Jake feels all of the blood suddenly drain out of his body and the frat brother grins, nudging another one. “Or, tell you what.” he says, putting his arm around Jake, “You sleep with her and you may just be one of the newest members of Alpha Omega Phi. Sound like a deal?”

“You want me to…”

“Fuck her.”

Well, there goes his chances of joining this frat, which surprisingly, is one of the more tame options out of the other ones. This one has great connections to people in the field of computer science and engineering, which is what he desperately wants to achieve. This could give him a big head start…but he can’t just use you.

He chuckles nervously, “I don’t know…she’s not like that-”

“Too bad,” the frat brother says as he takes his arm off of Jake, “We thought you would’ve fit right in with us.” the others nod their heads in agreement.

Jake thinks for a moment. “...alright…fine.”

The four of them cheer, which ignites cheers from other party goers, making Jake look around and find it a bit strange that they hold that kind of power. 

“You can use Bradley’s room, he could use some sort of action on that bed.” one of them teases and the others laugh. Jake nods his head, trying to laugh along and then they shove him to go over to you. Jake quickly walks over to you, setting his drink on the counter and grabs your arm. 

“The hell-?” you say as he quickly drags you upstairs into a bedroom and he closes the door behind the two of you, looking at you kind of panicked. “What the hell is your problem-”

“They want me to fuck you.”

You feel yourself freeze, all of your muscles tensing up at what just came out of his mouth. Was he being serious? “...deadass?”

“Deadass.”

“Damn…” you mutter, him releasing your arm from his grip. “So…”

He shrugs, “So…” he repeats.

“Guess you’re not getting into this frat.”

He looks at you for a moment, “So, this is like…a for sure thing.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Dude, I’m not having sex with you so you can join a frat.”

“Come on,” he pleads, using his puppy dog eyes again. To be honest, he knew you would say no for obvious reasons, but this was important to him. Sure, you’re important to him, too, which is kind of why he also figured you would be okay with doing this as a favor. “this is really important, I have to get into this frat. I could get an upper hand with some major companies I want to work for once we graduate. Please?” he clasps his hands together, “Just do me this one favor.”

“Fucking me is not a favor.”

“Well, it’s also not a punishment-”

You scoff, shoving his shoulder lightly and he laughs softly. It goes quiet for a moment between the two of you and he looks at you, expecting, wanting you to change your mind.

“How would they know, anyway? Can’t we just, like, pretend to have had sex? You know, like that scene in Easy A.” you suggest.

“In what?”

“Oh my god, we have to add that to our list of movies to watch, it has Emma Stone, so you already know it’s going to be good-”

“Okay, okay, yeah we can watch it later. Are you going to let me fuck you or what?”

You groan, “Can’t I just give you my panties or something and then you can wave them around and brag about it? Actually, don’t do that.”

“Look, this frat is made up of guys in business, engineering, chemistry, and physics majors, they’re not stupid. They’ll know, trust me, and I really don’t want to have to deal with any more hazing because I’m pretty sure it’s just going to keep getting worse and I would actually like to survive my first few weeks of college.”

“Or…you could just not join.”

He frowns, “You know how much this means to me.” You sigh. Yes, you thought this was stupid, but you also weren’t dumb enough to not realize how joining this frat could actually help him in the future. You saw the superficialness of it all and you knew he wasn’t dumb enough to see past it either, but Jake has worked really hard and besides, you would be lying if you said you saw this as a worst case scenario. “Please?” he asks, anticipating your answer.

You sigh again, “Fine.”

He smiles, “God, yes, thank you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“I’ll make you feel so fucking good.” he says. You thought you should take it as a joke, but he says it with a more serious tone before he hooks his fingers through the loop of your jeans, pulling you closer as he leans in, kissing you. 

You were a little surprised by him just going for it so suddenly, but you close your eyes and kiss him back. His hand travels up to your waist, holding onto it as his other hand moves to the side of your face, cupping it as he pulls you closer, his fingers slightly tangling with your hair. He tilts his head, slipping his tongue past your lips, sending shivers down your spine as it slides over your own. He kisses you with a sort of hunger, not expecting to be kissing you with so much intensity, but once his lips met yours, it’s like a switch went off for him and he can’t help himself from wanting you more and more. 

He guides the two of you over to the bed as you continue to kiss, him grunting softly as his eyebrows furrow together, feeling himself getting hard from just kissing you. He parts from your lips, having you both gasp for air before he pushes your hair aside, feeling his long, thin fingers brush past your neck before being replaced with his soft, plump lips. He leaves open mouthed kisses along the side of your neck before turning you around, your ass pressing against his hard on, making him moan softly into your ear from the contact, his precum leaking and staining his underwear and pants. You tease him, grinding against him slightly which makes him bite your neck softly as he continues kissing along the side of it, down to your shoulder. He grips your hips tightly, stopping your movements and you feel his lips and hot breath brush against your ear.

“Don’t play with me.” he whispers, gently nibbling on your earlobe before pulling away. His hands slip to the button of your jeans, undoing it and slowly zipping down the zipper. He pushes your jeans down just slightly, a little past your ass and he feels like he’s going to pass out from his fingertips gently grazing the edge of your underwear alone. He kisses your neck again, his left hand going to your neck, gently gripping it as he moves your head to the side to give him more room. That action alone almost makes you moan, but you just gasp softly as his right hand slips its fingers past your waistband, finally feeling them push against you. He moans at the feeling of you already being so wet and he coats his fingers in your arousal, making a mess in your panties. 

He uses his middle and ring finger to press and circle your clit, causing you to gasp and close your eyes, your head falling back against his shoulder and he pulls away from your neck, breathing slightly heavily. He turns his head to look at you, leaving gentle kisses on the side of your face as he moves his fingers down, pushing them inside of you. From the way your lips part and you let out the softest moan, your eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly, he can feel himself almost cum at the sight alone. He pushes his fingers in and out of you, his thumb rubbing your clit and he leaves a kiss against your ear.

“That’s right, baby, you like this, hm? Fuck, you’re so wet, do you want me to just fuck you now?” he whispers against your ear, knowing he, himself, wants nothing more than to do just that. He fingers you faster, curling them against your walls as the pads of his fingers reach areas you can’t. You moan louder, feeling your legs shake and he smirks. “I bet you taste so good.” he whispers and he pulls his fingers out of you and your panties. “Open.” he demands and you open your mouth, slightly sticking out your tongue and he puts his fingers into your mouth. You lick them as he shoves them a little deeper and then pulls them out, sliding the mixture of your spit and arousal on your bottom lip before he turns your head and kisses you, wanting to taste you. He licks your lip, he sucks your tongue, anything he can just to have you on his lips. He moans softly and pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your lips before breaking. He’s decided he needs more.

He runs his hand along your back, slightly pushing you so you bend over the bed. You can feel your heartbeat against the comforter of the bed. He pulls your jeans down to your ankles, biting his bottom lip as he grins at the full view of your ass on display. His eyes look over how soaked your panties are, feeling a sense of pride knowing he did it. He gently squeezes and kisses one side of your ass, playfully biting it and then realizes he likes the idea of him marking you like this. He bites it a little harder, you moaning and whining at the feeling, your fingers gripping onto the bed sheet. He grins, kissing his teeth marks before he pulls down your underwear, feeling as though he is looking at the gates of heaven itself, his eyes locking onto your pussy. He mumbles something to himself that you can’t hear, but you suddenly feel his tongue slide slowly along and in between your folds. Your mouth opens as you moan, feeling yourself clenching around nothing and he chuckles softly, licking his lips.

He can feel his cock twitch in his pants, more warm precum sticking to his thigh and underwear. He goes back in for more, low groans and moans coming deeply from his throat as he buries his face into your swollen pussy, covering his face in your slick. “You taste so fucking good.” he says with a raspy voice, the vibrations feeling as though they travel throughout your whole body as you moan, feeling his tongue lick feverishly. You feel yourself drool at how he spreads your legs more, his nose and tongue all pressing into you more, him hooking his arms under your thighs, his hands resting and squeezing your ass, raising your hips slightly as he licks and sucks your clit. His nose rubs between your swollen folds as you moan louder, gripping the sheets tighter. 

He licks faster, making out with your cunt as his tongue slips in and out of you. You let out a long moan, feeling as if your knees buckle, cumming all over his tongue, lips, chin, and nose. He moans into your pussy, licking up all of your release and he pulls away, looking at your glistening pussy, rubbing his fingers between your slit, spreading the mixture of his spit and your cum all over. His tongue licks his lips clean, reaching down to lick the part of his chin it can reach and he lets out a low groan, relishing in your taste. You whine as he gives a soft slap to your pussy, licking his fingers clean before using it to collect your cum from the rest of his face and licking that up as well. 

He flips you over, leaning down to kiss you again and you kiss him back eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands roam along the sides of your body, his right one moving up to your chest and groping your breast through your shirt, you moan and whine as he squeezes it tightly, palming and kneading it as he starts to kiss you roughly. His breaths are heavy and before he even knows what he’s doing, he rips your shirt open, his patience dwindling with each second that passes. He kisses down your throat and buries his face between your breasts, kneading them as he kisses between them. He squeezes and pushes them together, licking across them and switching between each one to leave kisses on. He pulls down the cups of the bra, your nipples hardening more from the sudden cold air hitting them as your breathing becomes shallow and you moan with how he is handling you. 

He flicks his tongue over your nipple, sucking and gently tugging at it with his teeth. His tongue swirls around your nipple, his hand squeezing the breast to fill more of his mouth as saliva runs down his chin. He moves and does the same with the other one and your chest rises and falls, moans escaping your lips. Your hand moves and tugs at his shirt, pulling the fabric up and he notices, moving away from you as he takes it off quickly. You feel yourself get even wetter at the sight of his toned arms and abs, looking over every curve of his upper body and he grins. He takes your hand and places it on his abs, moving it over them slowly and you both moan quietly to yourselves. He lets go of your hand and slides off his shoes, you taking the initiative to do the same. You both undress the rest of yourselves quickly and you feel yourself stop in your tracks when you see his long, thick cock slap against his abdomen. You clench around nothing as your eyes look over each vein, biting your bottom lip. 

You reach out, using your finger to slide it over his tip, collecting the precum. His breath gets caught in his throat as he watches you, as you also collect the precum from the side of his thigh. You bring your fingers to your lips, licking them slowly as you look up at him. He watches you intently, his eyes shifting from your fingers, to your tongue, to your lips, to your eyes. You let out a soft moan as you taste him, licking your fingers clean and he reaches out, his hand grabbing your chin and lifting your head up to look at him more. He looks down at you, grinning before kissing you, tasting him on your tongue; that fact alone made him feel proud. He pushes you back against the bed, positioning himself between your legs. He kisses your temple muttering a “thank you” before pushing himself into you. 

Your back arches slightly at the feeling, the pressure between your legs, the way that your walls mold and clench around his cock makes your head spin. You can feel the ridges of the veins in his cock grazing against them, making you clench tighter. He grits his teeth, cursing under his breath as he pushes himself fully into you. He moans and whines a little at the overwhelming feeling of you around him. His forehead rests on yours as he catches his breath, his hands wandering down the sides of your waist to your hips, gripping them tightly as he holds back the urge to cum. He thrusts slowly, sliding in and out of you, subtle squelching noises of your wetness coating his cock. This sound alone, however, causes him to go faster, moans spilling from your lips as the bed creaks harshly, the headboard hitting the wall. His grip becomes tighter and he clenches his jaw, letting out short breaths as he pulls away, watching your tits bounce with each thrust. He reaches and grabs one, playing with your nipple and fondling the breast, his eyes rolling back a bit as he moans. He fucks into you harder and faster, his hips meeting yours quickly, his balls slapping against your ass, the sound of your skin slapping, your moans becoming increasingly louder as your cunt swallows his cock each time he thrusts into it, his soft whines with short moans, and your arousal spreading between your thighs while getting on his drives him wild. 

He pulls out and you gasp at the empty feeling. He grabs your hips and flips you over, pushing your ass up and spreading your legs, sliding himself back in, pounding into you harder and faster. You moan–almost screaming–at the sudden change of pace, your face buried into the mattress as your body shakes. He moans, gripping your ass tightly as he uses that to keep him steady while he fucks you. You moan and scream his name into the mattress, making him moan in return. He grabs a handful of your hair, pulling your head up from the mattress, making you moan and gasp.

“Scream it now.” he demands, fucking you deeper, his other hand reaching to rub circles on your clit hard and fast.

Your eyes roll back a bit and you comply, screaming his name, letting out a lewd moan afterwards as pleasure overtakes your body, your orgasm crashing down. You clench tightly around him, repeating his name over and over as you cum. That was all he needed and until now, he never realized that’s all he wanted. He thrusts harshly a few more times, going back to gripping your hips before moaning your name and pulling out. He pumps his cock a few times and flips you back over, you just giving in because your mind was blank at the moment. He moves up and moans deeply as he cums on your breasts, watching as the pearly white liquid spills on your nipples and the soft flesh, feeling warm and sticky on your skin.

He lets out a breath he seemed to be holding and kisses you. You kiss him back, sloppily, before he pulls away, moving to your chest. He kisses your nipples, a little bit of his cum on his lips before he licks it off. He uses his pointer and middle fingers to spread the cum around your nipples in a slow, circular motion, making you shiver. He smiles, and collects his cum onto his fingers off of your breasts. You open your mouth and he chuckles softly, sticking his fingers in your mouth as you suck and lick them.

“So good…so pretty…” he whispers to you. 

You blush a little and he pulls his fingers out. He moves off of you and you both just take some time to catch your breath. You sit up and you both look at each other before bursting out into laughter. You both calm down after a moment before getting up to put on your clothes, but after you put on everything but your shirt is when you realize you can’t. 

You glare at him, “Genius, what the hell am I supposed to wear?” you ask, holding up your ripped shirt.

He laughs sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Damn, my bad.” he looks around and then he takes off his shirt, handing it to you. You raise an eyebrow and take it, putting it on. He walks to the closet and just grabs a shirt from there, putting it on. “I’ll give it back later.” he says, to which you laugh. 

You both walk out of the room, seeing two of the frat boys Jake was talking to earlier. They smile smugly and whistle, cheering a bit and you roll your eyes. They give a thumbs up to Jake and he smiles a bit awkwardly before leaning to whisper in your ear, “Let’s get out of here.” You both walk silently as you leave the party. After a moment, he speaks, “Thanks…by the way…and I’ll buy you a new shirt and…I definitely owe you one.”

“You better get into this frat, I swear to God.”

He laughs, “Damn right.” he says as he nudges your arm and you nudge back. “So, how can I make this up to you?”

You think for a moment and then shrug. “It wasn’t all that bad.”

He scoffs, “Gee, thanks.”

You laugh, “You know what I mean.”

He smirks and looks at you. “You know…you look even hotter in my shirt.”

You roll your eyes and laugh. “What a random thing to say.”

He shrugs, “Maybe…we could do this again.”

You look at him, quiet for a moment. “...very funny.”

“I’m serious.” he says as he looks back at you. He smiles a bit and wraps his arm around your shoulder. “Are you down or what?”

[thebearer]

if you lie down, lie next to me |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: you and carmen are newly weds, moving into your forever home.

inspired by @carmybears fic assembly required which has been SO heavy on my mind lately mixed with lana del rey's "if you lie down, lie next to me" <3

contains: fluff. just fluff newly weds, alludes at smut, some language, but tooth rotting sweetness and fluff.

“Carmen, I’m not even kidding. Where the fuck did all of this stuff come from?” You groan, collapsing another cardboard box with a huff, shoving it into the pile with the others by the door. “Our apartment was, like, one-fifth the size of this one. The living room was like our whole apartment. How do we have this much shit?” 

Carmen snorted lightly, grinning and unpacking the various pots and pans. New pots and pans- wedding gifts.Your wedding came with an influx of appliances and cookware, gadgets for the kitchen that Carmen bubbled with excitement about. And a margarita maker- for you, of course- courtesy of Natalie Berzatto herself. The old apartment, you barely had space for the dishes and pots you had, let alone new ones. 

So Carmen kept them tucked away, until he got the new place for you. He didn’t have a clue at the time he’d be buying you the Brownstone you were in now, nestled in the heart of Old Town. A good neighborhood, close-ish to the restaurant, zoned in a good school district- a forever home, for the two of you. 

“I mean, most of it was wedding gifts.” Carmen shrugged. “The rest are your shoes.” He teased, a playful glint in his eye when he looked over at you. 

You rolled your eyes. “Ha-ha,” You said sarcastically, bumping him with your shoulder. “Seriously, though, I’m never doing this again. We’re here for life, Berzatto.” 

“That’s the plan, Berzatto.” Carmen nudged you back lightly, leaning to press a sweet kiss to your blushing cheeks, a loving squeeze to your ass when he passed you that left you squealing. 

“The good news is,” Carmen paused, sliding the pot onto the hanging rack over the island, stepping back to admire it. “The kitchen is unpacked.” 

“The most important room.” You hummed playfully. Carmen nodded in agreement, arms slipping around your waist, pulling you into his chest. 

“Think we should celebrate?” Carmen grinned. “Christen it?” 

“We already christened it.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Twice- no, three times, already.” 

“Yeah but now it’s done.” Carmen countered. “No more boxes in the way.” 

“I think you can only christen something once.” You give him a pointed look, ignoring the way his crotch is rubbing against your hip. You were still sore from the celebratory round of “putting the coffee table together” from earlier. 

“And I’m starving. Should we order in again?” You hum, looking at the fridge. Nothing but a bottle of champagne and leftover takeout Chinese food. Your stomach turned at the thought. 

Carmen caught your grimace, a hand running soothingly down your back. “If you want. I can run to the store, too. Grab some things for dinner. Break in the kitchen now that it’s done.” 

“I think I like that idea better.” You nod, leaning against his chest, feeling his chain through his t-shirt- the same chain you had tucked between your teeth earlier. Your knees wobbled at the thought. “What are you making?” 

“What’re you in the mood for?” Carmen tilted his head back to look at you. “Can make you whatever, baby, just lemme know.” 

“I am down for anything that doesn’t come out of a box.” You giggle, nose snarling at the Chinese food. “Surprise me, Chef.” You grinned smugly, content at how Carmen’s cheeks flushed with heat. 

“You wanna come with me?” Carmen asked, reaching over to swipe his keys off the kitchen counter. 

You rolled your lips in thought. “I need to shower.” You blink at him sweetly. “I feel all sweaty and gross.” 

“Alright. Need anythin’ else, baby?” Carmen is looking for his phone, patting his pockets and turning in a semi-circle to look around him. 

You roll your eyes, plucking the phone off the coffee table in the living room, passing it to him. He was always losing his phone. You’d begged him to get an Apple watch but he swore it got in the way of his cooking, so you took to texting Nat or Richie- who always had their phones- when you needed him. 

“Something to drink? Unless you want champagne because I’m pretty sure that’s all that’s in there.” You giggle, looking at the fridge. 

Carmen smiled, pulling his hat over his tousled locks. “I got it.” He muttered, leaning to press a sweet, soft kiss to your lips, hands splaying over your hips, pulling you closer and closer into him. 

He always managed to make you swoon like that, cheeks rushing with heat, dizzy and light with love. You hoped you’d always feel like this. Even when you were old and wrinkly and wobbly, you hoped Carmen would still kiss you like that- in this very spot, in this very house. 

“Oh, Cass Elliot?” You grinned, spinning with the vinyl in your hands, brows raised playfully at Carmen. “He has taste.” 

Carmen snorted lightly in laughter, dishrag slung over his shoulder, spooning the sauce over the chicken in the pan. The kitchen was warm, smelling heavily of spices and a dash of citrus. You’d set up the vinyl in the corner by the nook, an old school record player passed down from Carmen’s grandmother. His Nonna Berzatto, who he adored. He had told you about how he’d always go over and help her make Sunday sauce. She had that same vinyl in her kitchen, next to a picture of her parents, and a prayer candle of Mary. It was all he managed to get, keep after she passed and his parents sold everything else that they could. He’d even snagged a few records, though the one you held looked new. 

“Yeah. Thought you liked her stuff?” Carmen muttered, eyes cutting to yours gently. 

“I do.” You grinned, slipping the record out of the protective paper. “How’d you know that?” You lifted the arm of the record player, slipping out the old disk and sliding in the new one, careful of the bouquet you’d just placed by it. Carmen had snagged one at the grocery earlier, surprising you with the beautiful bloom when you’d gotten out of the shower. 

“Because, you told me.” Carmen said simply, checking the asparagus inside the stove. Your heart fluttered. “When we were comin’ back from that trip… The, uh, the one we took to Detroit, remember? You played it on the way back.” 

Your chest soared, filling with that warmth that made your body tingle from head to toe. “You remembered that? That was… two years ago?” 

“Of course I remembered that.” Carmen scoffed lightly, shaking his head at you like he couldn’t believe you’d say something so ridiculous. “You said that, uh, that one song was like the love song to you. So I-I started listening to it because… ya know, it reminded me of you and stuff.” Carmen muttered, cheeks heating at the omission. 

You beamed, lifting the long arm of the record player, letting it softly come to life with a scratch of static before the slow melody filled the room. “You’re sweet.” You hum, arms wrapping around his torso, swaying gently to the familiar medley. “Never would’ve guessed you woulda been this sweet.” 

“Yeah? I’m given’ off asshole vibes?” Carmen laughed, hips turning slightly to face you. 

“Not at all.” You shook your head. “Gave off recluse vibes.” 

“Recluse?” Carmen turned to you. 

“Yeah, like… quiet, shy boy vibes.” You giggle. “You barely spoke to me when I started… and you hired me!” 

“I thought you were pretty.” Carmen shrugged boyishly. “And I thought if I talked to you, I’d throw up or embarrass myself. Also thought there was no way you’d be single. Too pretty and funny and… I dunno, thought you’d never go out with me.” 

“Little did you know.” You grinned wickedly. “I had been stalking you in secret.” Carmen laughed at you. “I thought you were pretty, too.” 

Carmen blushed at your omission, lips twitching in a smile. You swayed lightly, cheek pressed to his chest, letting the soft melody lull you. You remembered the car ride back from Detroit. Carmen was going to some chef expo there, trying to network and get Sydney the star she deserved. You’d agreed to go along. Things were far enough along it was stable, but still new and exciting. Your first real trip as a couple. You’d stayed in a hotel, gone to Carmen’s colleague’s fancy restaurant, went sightseeing and shopping hand-in-hand. You couldn’t help feeling so romantic, shuffling songs from the playlist you listened to when you were getting ready for a date. Old school tracks, filled with symphonies and ballads of love. 

“I think this is almost done. D’you want to grab the glasses and I’ll-” 

“-Let it sit for a minute.” You sigh contently, turning down the heat on the stove top. 

“What’re you doin’?” Carmen huffs in laughter, turning while you pull at him, your hand lacing through his own, tugging him to the open space on the other side of the kitchen island. 

You just smile at him, pulling him close to you. Your hand in his, the other wrapped around and settled on his spine. His free hand followed, sliding down your back. You leaned towards him, chin tilted towards his face, his curls tickling your forehead. You swayed slowly, nothing elaborate or coordinated, just a soft shuffle type sway, Carmen pulled close to you. 

“‘M not good at this.” Carmen’s breath hitched, hand squeezing yours, his thumb gliding over your wedding rings. 

“Yeah, you are.” You hum, nose brushing his. “Best dancer I’ve ever seen.” You mutter, your lips slotting over his sweetly. Carmen’s hand left yours, cupping your jaw and pulling you closer, his lips soft against your own. Your head found his shoulder, dipping into his collarbone, arms wrapped around his torso while he rocked you gently. The sound of Cass Elliot’s voice humming out of the record player Baby, I’m Yours fading into Words of Love. The fan from the stove still buzzing with life, wafting out the steam from the pans, rhythmically merging with the sounds from the street. A relatively quiet neighborhood, filled with quiet cars and the occasional children’s screech from their strollers that pushed by. It was all so calming, the sound of your new home. Sounds you hoped would become familiar overtime and still shared with Carmen.

[fandoms-x-reader]

Replay

Requested: @deludedprime

Word Count: 9,425

Oneshot

Part 2

Summary: You have gone through the same story of meeting everyone multiple times now. Every time, at the end, everyone ends up meeting their end. You're trying to prevent that by going through it all once again. But, old habits die hard and the characters start to notice when you know a bit too much about them. Obey Me Brothers and Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Solomon Short writings for Luke, Thirteen, Mephisto, and Raphael

You opened your eyes and took in a deep breath. You were standing in the assembly room of RAD with seven people who you knew very well looking at you. But while you looked at them with familiarity, they stared at you with neutral expressions. All except Lord Diavolo who was standing in front of you looking at you with a smile. You wondered if he knew how much joy his smile brought to others.

“Welcome to the Devildom, Y/N,” he stated. Those were the words that have started your journey three times now. Or was it four? With everything that has happened between you and the brothers, you’ve lost track of how many times you’ve been in this situation.

Diavolo continued to give his brief explanation of who he was and where you were. Then, someone else said, “I will explain everything to you.” You turned towards the eldest demon and took in his appearance. He seemed indifferent towards you and though it hurt to see him like this, it made sense.

The Lucifer you had come to know had been so kind and caring. He was an amazing right hand to Lord Diavolo and an even better older brother. You never once doubted your place in his life, so much so, that it was easy to forget how cold he once was to you - as if you were an inconvenience that he had to put up with to satisfy Diavolo.

Diavolo and Lucifer fell into an easy conversation, the strong friendship clear even then when you were supposed to be completely clueless as to what was happening and who they were.

Lucifer began to explain the exchange student program, but you tuned him out. You were scanning the room looking at the others who were there, their gaze set on you. Two of the brothers weren’t there. 

As if on cue, Lucifer stated, “You need someone to look after you and I think that someone should be my brother Mammon. He’s the Avatar of Greed and…how should I put it…? Oh well, you’ll understand soon enough.”

“Now then…we still need to introduce our new friend to your brothers, Lucifer. And it’s probably better that you do that instead of me, wouldn’t you say?” Diavolo questioned, giving Lucifer a small smile.

“Yes, as much as I dread the idea of doing so, you’re right,” Lucifer replied. “Oh, come now. Really? You should be honored to introduce such a sweet and charming little brother like me!” Asmo chimed in.

“This one here is Asmodeus. He’s the fifth eldest. He is the Avatar of Lust,” Lucifer continued, not even acknowledging Asmo’s remark. “Wh…I can’t believe you just totally ignored what I said! And not only that, you referred to me as this one. How rude!” Asmo stated.

“Hmph. At least he didn’t ignore you altogether. How do you think I feel?” Satan added, refusing to look at Lucifer. “That one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us. At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but looks can be deceiving,” Lucifer told you. 

“Aha, so I’m that one, am I? Nice to meet you, Y/N. I am Satan, the Avatar of Wrath,” Satan introduced, giving you a polite smile. His polite smile disguised the anger that you knew was hiding behind his eyes.

“Now, the one there with the very grumpy look on his face is Beelzebub. He’s the sixth oldest,” Lucifer proceeded, ignoring his brothers’ side comments. “Lucifer, I’m hungry,” Beel replied. The statement almost made you laugh considering the amount of times you had heard it before. It was like his catchphrase.

“That’s too bad. Now behave yourself,” Lucifer replied. Beel let out a small sigh before telling you, “I’m Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony.” Beel then went on to daydream - most likely about the food he was planning on eating as soon as he was out of the meeting.

“So - there are seven of us brothers in all. I am the eldest. Mammon, the second oldest of us, will be here soon. My other brothers aren’t here at the moment, but…well, we can get to them later. All in good time,” Lucifer explained.

“During your stay in the Devildom, the seven brothers will lend you their strength. To keep you safe, you are to stay with them at the House of Lamentation,” Diavolo explained before he and Lucifer made sure to add their numbers to your D.D.D. They even had you call Mammon to show that you knew how to use it.

Right after that, Mammon entered the assembly hall. Lucifer let out a small sigh before telling you, “Well, you’ve got that done now, and it seems the idiot has arrived.” 

Mammon walked up to you and Lucifer before saying, “HEY! Just who do you think you are, human? You’ve got a lotta nerve summoning the Great Mammon! Listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. If you value your life, then you’ll hand over all of your money now! And anything else of value you too! Otherwise, I’ll wipe that stupid, happy-go-lucky look right off your face…by eatin’ you! Startin’ at your head and working my way down, until-.”

“Mammon shut up or I’ll punch you,” Lucifer stated simply before punching his younger brother. “GAH, OWW! Hey, what’s the big idea? I thought you were actually gonna give me a chance to shut up before punching me!” Mammon replied. You stifled a laugh as you watched the scene unfold in front of you. Same old Mammon.

“Y/N, Mammon here is the Avatar of Greed. He governs and oversees all forms of it. Whenever he takes a liking to someone, they suddenly find themselves awash in money. But from what I hear, if he decides to break it off with someone, the wealth evaporates. They’re left without a Grimm to their name,” Satan explained.

“And he’s also a masochist. That part’s important,” Asmo added and you watched as the second-eldest glared at the fifth-born. You could tell that Mammon wanted to say something to him but Lucifer beat him to the punch. “Indeed. And it just so happens I have a job for my masochist of a brother,” Lucifer said. 

“Y’all stop telling lies! I ain’t asked for that punch, and I AIN’T a masochist!” Mammon defended, shooting his brothers an angry look. Lucifer paid no attention to it though as he told him, “Mammon, you are going to be in charge of seeing to this human’s needs during this whole exchange. I expect your full cooperation”

“What?! Why me?!” Mammon complained. “Aww, lucky you, Mammon! I’m so jealous…” Asmo said with a small frown. “All right, then why don’t YOU do it, Asmodeus?!” Mammon retorted.

“What? Hell no, too lazy…” Asmo replied. “I thought you were jealous of me?!” Mammon questioned. “Just give up, Mammon. There’s no getting out of this. You know you can’t refuse a direct command from Lucifer, correct?” Satan replied.

“But why does it have to be me?! What about Beel? Why can’t he do it?!” Mammon asked. “This isn’t a job we can entrust to Beel. We might as well ask him to eat this human,” Asmo replied.  “Mm, yeah, I can’t promise I wouldn’t,” Beel added.

“You’re useless, you know that?!” Mammon told his younger sibling. “...Mammon?” Lucifer stated, controlling the anger that was beginning to blossom. “...Wh-What?” Mammon asked. A dark aura surrounded Lucifer as he told him, “Surely, you’re not going to tell me that you object to this arrangement, are you?” Lucifer questioned.

Mammon completely tensed up at Lucifer’s words before saying, “Ugh…I hate you guys! Every last one of ya!” Mammon paused for a moment before continuing to say, “Fine…FINE! I’ll do it, okay?!”

Mammon then turned to you and told you, “All right, human, listen up. As much as I don’t want to look after you, I’ve got no choice. It’s a huge pain in the ass, and I’m too important for this kind of thing, but Lucifer told me to do it, so I will. But in return you better make sure you don’t cause me any trouble, got it?!”

This was the scene that marked the start of your journey in the Devildom…several times now. You hated it every time. The way that Lucifer looked at you like he could care less about you. The way Mammon treated you like you were a burden. The way that Levi refused to leave his room. The way that Satan was so angry all of the time towards everyone. The way that Asmo only wanted to charm you instead of getting to know you. The way Beel looked at you as nothing more than a snack. And the way Belphie was locked up in the attic. Not even Diavolo or Barbatos looked towards you with a hint of care.

You thought about the previous times you had been in this scenario. It had always ended the same - with you losing everyone you loved. Losing the people you had come to care so much about hurt much worse than never having them in the first place.

So you managed to find a way to the beginning. To start all over and pray that you could find a way to stop the tragic end that occurred. You would do whatever it took to save everyone. 

It didn’t matter if they didn’t know who you were. It didn’t matter if you had to put all of your energy into making them love you again. If it meant they would be okay in the end, you would do it over and over again until you got it right.

But, you had already experienced all of this. You already knew most things about the people you were closest to. Was it even possible to try and do this without them realizing something was amiss?

Lucifer had always been hard to get to know at first. He didn’t know you and he wasn’t sure he wanted to get to know you. Diavolo wanted to strengthen the bonds between the three realms. That was the only reason you were in the Devildom.

And in one year, you would be heading back to the human world. None of them would see you again. So what was the point in talking to you and forming any kind of connection? 

In fact, he was even wary about his brothers’ growing friendships with you. Especially when they began making pacts with you. How had you managed to find a way into their hearts so quickly?

The more time he spent around you though, he began to understand the charm that you had. He came to know your kind-hearted nature and dared to let himself begin to care. 

So much so that when you decided to join him in his study while he was doing paperwork, he allowed you to stay. He stayed silent as you picked up a stack of papers and began to look through them.

When you grabbed a pen, he opened his mouth to say something. Those were important documents and they had to be filed correctly. But he stopped himself when he saw you filling out every box correctly - as if you had done it a hundred times.

Lucifer’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you finished that document and moved on to the next, effortlessly filling that one out as well. One by one you went through the stack while Lucifer watched you incredulously.

He was sure he had never allowed you into his study before. He had never shown you the paperwork, let alone explained which one was what. So, how were you doing this? Some of the documents were even written in different languages!

You sat down your pen as you finished the stack and gave Lucifer a small smile. “Hopefully that helped you some,” you told him.

Lucifer found himself naturally returning the smile as you stood up from his desk. “I’ll go make you some tea,” you offered, beginning to walk towards the door of the study.

Did you ever stop giving? Well, Lucifer had to admit that a cup of tea did sound nice right now. On top of that, he didn’t want to turn down your offer when you were being so kind. But, he was pretty specific about his tea.

“Y/N, could you make it-,” Lucifer began to stay but you stopped him. “On the stronger side?” you finished for him.

Lucifer’s eyes widened and you paused for a moment as you realized what you had done. You took a breath before putting on a fake smile and telling him, “You just seem like the type that likes his tea stronger than most.” You then quickly disappeared into the kitchen to make the tea.

Meanwhile, Lucifer was left sitting in his study to ponder the words you had spoken. Even if he had a tell that indicated that he liked his tea strong, there was no tell in the world that he could have given to instruct you on how to fill out the paperwork. Something wasn’t right.

When you returned with his tea, it only furthered Lucifer’s suspicions as it was made exactly right. No one - except Barbatos and himself - had ever managed to make it exactly how he liked it.

And when you left the study for the final time that night, he couldn’t help but wonder - who exactly were you?

It took Mammon a bit longer than the others to notice anything suspicious.

The two of you spent a lot of time together since he was the one in charge of watching you. So you would think that he’d be the first to pick up on it if something strange was happening. 

But the truth was Mammon was so distracted by his feelings for you when you were in his presence that nothing else processed in his mind. All he could think about was keeping his cool and not letting the way he felt about you be exposed.

So, he never thought twice about the moments where you accidentally slipped up.

The two of you were at the casino and Mammon was so desperate to impress you with his gambling abilities. But, he was having a bit of a rough night. And every time he tried even harder to win, he fell into a worse position.

You had seen Mammon’s tricks many times in the casino and realized what he was doing wrong. You whispered the strategy in his ear and Mammon’s eyes widened. That was it! That’s exactly what he needed to do to win. 

He proceeded with your plan and smiled proudly as he finally won. You assumed you would be questioned on how you knew that tactic. Not many would have. But, Mammon didn’t say anything. He just assumed you were really good at gambling, which only made you more perfect for him. He was curious to see what other tricks you had up your sleeve and he didn’t want to scare you off by interrogating you.

The thing that did tip Mammon off was when you decided to wash his prized possession - the Demonio 666 Lexura.

Mammon didn’t let anyone touch his car except himself. He claimed he was the only one who “knew how to treat her right.”

But in your past experiences with Mammon, you knew how much he loved it when the car was clean. And he even showed you how to do it properly once. You used to surprise him with cleaning it and it always brought such a big smile to his face when he would look her over and not see a speck of dirt.

He also used specific cleaning materials on it so that it always had that shiny new car smell. In Mammon’s opinion, it was one of his favorite scents.

Nonetheless, this Mammon had never talked to you about his car. He never showed you how to clean her. And he certainly never allowed you to touch her.

Mammon wouldn’t get mad at you. You were too special to him. But, he did almost have a heart attack when he saw you next to his car, a rag in your hand.

He quickly ran up the stairs and said, “Oi! Human! What are ya doin’?”

You turned to face Mammon and gave him a small smile before telling him, “I thought I would clean your car for you.”

It was a nice gesture, really. And Mammon appreciated it. But, he had a very specific way of doing it. And as his mind was trying to find a way to tell you this without coming off rude, his eyes scanned the area.

That’s when he saw the cleaning materials you used. It was the exact same brand that he always bought. He never kept any on hand though which meant that you went out and chose to buy those specific items.

Mammon quickly began inspecting his car. His favorite smell overwhelmed his senses and his car now looked immaculate. How did you know?

At the end of it, all Mammon could say was ‘thank you’. But, deep down, Mammon felt weird. Like he was having a deja vu experience. 

You were a normie. So of course Levi wouldn’t want to hang out with you. Why would he?

Except he was incredibly interested in getting to know you. He coudn’t help it! There are so many things that Levi’s obsessed with that came from the human world and he had a hundred questions for you.

But his self-deprecating thoughts kept him from approaching you for fear of rejection. So he resorted to insulting you and pretty much acting completely indifferent towards you.

But, then you beat him in the TSL contest and he attacked you. He felt very bad afterward. Leave it to him to drive someone else away.

He approached you afterward to offer up a pact with him as an apology. It’s not like you would want to make a pact with him anyway. It was just the only thing he could think of to make it up to you.

When you agreed to make a pact with him, Levi was both shocked and surprisingly happy. He didn’t think having a pact with a normie would affect him this much. But there was just something about you. 

Levi used the pact as an excuse to spend more time with you. He asked you so many questions about the anime and manga he liked. There was no way you could know all of them, but somehow you did.

You answered all of Levi’s questions and not just with basic answers. You had conversations with him about it. Maybe you were an otaku like him. There’s no way you could know this much without being one.

Levi invited you to his room more and more often to hang out. Though you had to make sure not to tell the others. He couldn’t have them finding out.

Levi had been a little suspicious about the amount of knowledge you had on the things that he liked. But he wasn’t in a position to question you about it.

He invited you over to play a new game that had just been released in the Devildom. Technically it was an early release so there was hardly any information on the game.

Levi had been so excited to play it, but he heard that it was one of the hardest games that had ever been made and it was impossible to complete without a second player.

The two of you began playing and you both picked it up pretty easily. Well, Levi had picked it up pretty easily. You had already played the game countless times in the past and knew exactly what you were doing.

When you reached the final boss of the area, Levi let out a nervous sigh before pressing start. He was getting eaten alive. He couldn’t hit a single attack. He just kept getting countered and then hit. 

His health bar went down rapidly until his character died and he let out a frustrated sigh. He turned to face you, expecting you to be wearing the same expression, but you weren’t.

Levi covered his mouth and let out a startled noise as he watched your character on the screen. You knew the attack pattern and dodged every single one. Your fingers were moving at an unbelievable rate but what shocked Levi was your expression. You didn’t even look like you were trying.

There was no way you could be doing this having never played the game before. He refused to believe it. There was something he was missing.

The words “YOU WIN” appeared on the screen and you let out a satisfied chuckle as you set your controller down.

You turned to face Levi and saw the shock in his eyes as he stared at you. “I’ve just played a game like this before,” you told him with a small smile.

He was not buying it. Either you were a video game ninja, or there was something that you weren't telling him.

Either way, he was going to figure it out.

Satan was very aloof compared to his other brothers. He wasn’t a shut-in like Levi, he just preferred to keep to himself. He found that solitary was better than company most times - especially when it came to his brothers. Because of that, he didn’t really spend any time with you. 

He knew the basics. Things that Lucifer forced all of his brothers to know before you got to the Devildom. And, he tried to be polite when he did find himself in a conversation with you. 

He observed your relationship with his brothers. How they had all fallen under your spell to the point where you made pacts with four out of the seven of them. He was impressed by your abilities, but he promised himself he wouldn’t fall for the same trick.

That was until he saw you as an opportunity to get underneath Lucifer’s skin. He knew that it was bothering Lucifer how easily you were making pacts with the brothers. Satan making a pact with you would be icing on the cake. 

He never felt more angry or rejected when you refused to make a pact with him. Why didn’t you want him? You wanted to make a pact with everyone else - so why not him?

At the end of all of it though, Satan admired your strength to say no to him and potentially put yourself in harm’s way. He appreciated you for helping him see the value in his relationship with Lucifer. And he still got to make a pact with you - the right way.

Since he was a little late to the party, Satan was desperate to spend more time with you. He started becoming jealous when he saw you hanging out with his brothers instead of him and that led to him inviting you to his room.

He wanted to spend some time reading with you and was more than happy when you agreed to it with enthusiasm. He was surprised you were willing to spend a quiet evening with him instead of going to the club with Asmo or going gambling with Mammon.

He chose a book for the two of you to read and you got about a quarter of the way through when the book mentioned a specific curse. But, it didn’t explain what that curse did. It was bothering Satan so you decided to take it upon yourself to look for the curse.

You quickly moved around his room, knowing exactly which pile had the curse and spell books. You knew how far down the pile the book was and managed to pull it out effortlessly without causing the tower to tumble.

Satan was in pure shock. To every other person, his room looked like a cluttered disaster. It looked like his books were carelessly strewn about. But, he had an organizational system. He knew where every book he had was and even had them categorized in a specific order.

But, how did you know what that system was? This was the first time you had been in his room long enough to be able to actually look around; and, he never told anyone else about the way he organized his books so you couldn’t have overheard it. 

Satan’s eyes radiated with curiosity as he watched you come back and sit down next to him. You had the page opened to curse already. It was as if you had already read the book and knew where it was in the book.

You read the curse description out to Satan and then looked up to see him staring at you. His gaze caused you to pause for a moment as you asked, “What?”

Satan immediately reacted, trying to pull himself out of his thoughts. “It’s nothing. It’s just not a lot of people would be able to find their way around my room,” he replied.

It was natural to you. After you learned his system, it made complete sense to you. But you realized you weren’t supposed to know his system at this stage in your relationship. You were now panicking as you tried to come up with some explanation. 

You gave him a small smile before telling him, “That book was one of the ones you threw at Lucifer and I just happened to catch a glimpse of it.”

Asmo knew there was something different about you from the moment he met you. He tried to charm you once then. The moment got interrupted by Lucifer but Asmo could feel the resistance from you.

He tried again at the Demon Lord’s Castle only to once again be disappointed and intrigued by the results. What about you made it so that you could resist him - something no one else had ever been able to do?

Then he felt your power when you summoned him. It was something he had never felt before.

As a demon, things can get pretty boring and repetitive. The same club, the same drinks, the same succubi who wanted Asmo to take them home for the night. So when he felt the power you had - and the effect your power had on him - Asmo felt excited for the first time in a long time.

He had to get to know you more and what better way than by making a pact with you?

He told himself that he wouldn’t. That his other brothers had a moment of weakness when they made a pact with you. But, after that moment, he realized how easily it was to fall for your charm.

Asmo wanted to do everything with you after making a pact. He wanted to do your make-up and hair, go shopping with you, go out with you. Anything and everything he could think of.

Asmo was a fashion icon for a reason. He had very specific rules he followed when choosing an outfit to wear. He had a whole chart in his head of which colors went with each other, which fabrics were good for the current weather, and which hairstyles went with those fabrics.

Each of his looks was planned out to the very last detail. He had it all memorized so easily. So, when you asked him for help choosing your outfit for the night, he was more than happy to do so.

He didn’t tell you about the intricacies of it. It would be far too much for you to try and understand all at once. He was just planning on going through the chart in his head as you went through your different outfits.

So, when you began going through Asmo’s checklist, he froze. You were talking about the fabrics and the colors. The shoes that would match the outfit but not match the hairstyle you were planning. The weather affecting your outfit. You were checking every single one of his boxes.

Had Asmo told you about his checklist without realizing it? His head felt like it was starting to spin the more he thought about it. 

“Okay, I think this outfit meets all of the criteria. What do you think?” you asked Asmo, smiling at him as you showed him what you picked out. 

Asmo quickly snapped back into reality giving you a nod. “It’s perfect!” he replied.

As much as Asmo wanted to question you on your fashion knowledge, he left it alone for now. He’s always known there was something different about you, and this just proved his point.

You were special in a very fascinating way and he enjoyed finding out your unique quirks on his own. He didn’t want to push anything. He wanted to experience them firsthand.

You were the first person to make him feel something stronger than lust and he was going to savor every moment he could when this emotion presented itself.

Beel isn’t a very particular demon. He doesn’t have specific systems or ways of doing things. He just goes with the flow most of the time. 

His mind was predominantly occupied with the thought of food. And, when he wasn’t eating, he was either at school, working out, or spending time with you or one of his brothers.

So he didn’t really have any extra time to find a hobby where he could make a system and he didn’t have any prized possessions like Mammon’s car.

Food was theoretically his hobby and even then, he didn’t care what he was eating. He didn’t need it to be a five-star dish where every spice was carefully added in. Preferably, he just didn’t want to eat Solomon’s cooking.

But, if it was the only food around him, he would eat it with no problem. He wouldn’t even question what was in it. In all honesty, he was probably better off not knowing.

So, when Beel noticed things were a bit suspicious, it wasn’t because you did something specific for him. It was because of how well you knew his routine. 

You had come to know exactly when Beel would be hungry and you liked being prepared with a snack or meal at those times.

The first couple of times you did it, Beel thought it was because he was being physically active. Because you gave him a snack after his Fangol game or after he came back to the House of Lamentation after a workout session.

But, then it progressed. He would be in the middle of class and his stomach would rumble. Before he could even think he was hungry, you would be handing him something to eat.

He would be in the middle of studying and you would continuously make sure he was fed without him having to ask.

And on top of all that, you knew what his favorite food and drinks were and you made sure he was able to have those items whenever he wanted.

It was a welcome gesture. After all, when you’re eating constantly, nothing ever really stands out in flavor. So when he’s able to eat something he really enjoys - it’s like a special treat for him.

You and Beel were watching a movie in your room when he finally asked you. He had already eaten all of the snacks he brought but something was missing. He was craving something…sweet?

Without taking your eyes off the movie, you pulled out a chocolate bar and handed it to Beel. You acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world. You didn’t even blink when you did it.

But Beel was completely surprised. “How did you know that I wanted that?” Beel asked, taking the chocolate bar from you.

You finally looked away from the movie to see the confusion in Beel’s eyes. “It only makes sense to have something sweet after all that popcorn,” you replied nonchalantly.

“But, you always know what I want when I want it,” Beel pressed on. He had held his tongue for a little too long and now he just wanted an answer. 

You paused as you tried to figure out what to say when a brilliant idea came to mind. 

“The student council did a survey on everyone’s favorite foods for lunches at the cafeteria. That’s how I know what you like. And, you get hungry every day at about the same time. So after the first couple of days, I figured out when you would be hungry.”

It was a simple explanation, but it satisfied Beel. At least for now.

Belphie was always a bit suspicious about you. Not only were you a human, but while he was locked up in the attic, you had no problem calling him out.

You knew every lie he was going to tell you before he could even say the words. 

He wanted to make himself look better to you so that you would help him. But, when he went to tell you a sob story, you told him to cut the act and just be honest with you. What were you? A human lie detector?

To be honest, Belphie was starting to get a bit frustrated with you when he realized he couldn’t say anything but the truth. 

You knew that he hated humans and that he was going to kill you the first chance he got. But, you still agreed to help him. Why? Belphie determined there must be something wrong with you mentally.

How did you know so much about him in the first place? He figured Beel must have told you some things about him. It was the only thing that made sense.

You did as Belphie had asked and managed to make pacts with his brothers. And the second the door to the attic was open, he did as you knew he would and attacked you.

But hold on a second…did you just dodge his attack? He tried once again only for you to move quickly out of the way. Now, the other brothers had heard the commotion and had come to your rescue before Belphie could lay a hand on you.

How did you know his attack pattern? How did you know the exact moment he was coming for you?

Your foresight stands out the most to Belphie. To the point where he can’t help but wonder if his brothers had picked up on it as well. 

He wanted to understand how you knew so much about him without knowing him so he started spending more time around you. He started noticing the small details about what you liked and didn’t like.

He noticed the way that you knew exactly how he liked to lie down when he was taking a nap. What his favorite pillow was and the perfect temperature for a good rest.

You knew he liked stargazing and that his favorite food was sushi. You even surprised him with movie tickets once. Did Beel tell you all this information about him? Is that how you knew?

Belphie was having a particularly restless night and decided to leave his and Beel’s shared room to try the bed in the attic. He grabbed his favorite pillow and made his way out into the hallway.

He just so happened to bump into you and looked at you curiously. “What are you doing up so late?” he asked. You shrugged your shoulders in response before questioning, “Can’t sleep, huh?”

Whenever Belphie was leaving the twin’s bedroom you knew he was having a hard time falling asleep. Belphie nodded his head and you gently took his hand before leading him up to the attic.

Did he tell you he wanted to come up here? You got onto the bed before motioning for Belphie to join you. He was skeptical at first. This would be the first he was this close to you and he wasn’t sure how to react.

But you knew this was a surefire way to get Belphie to relax and go to sleep. So you urged him once again to get in the bed.

He did this time, lying down next to you. You guided him so that he was lying on your chest, his arms wrapped around you. Your scent overwhelmed him in a comforting way and he felt all of his tension release when you began running your fingers through his hair.

The warmth of your body added to his relaxation and he found himself quickly starting to fall asleep. It was strange to him. He had never laid like this with you before. Yet - it felt like it was the most natural thing in the world.  

Diavolo kept a careful eye on you whenever he could. You were his exchange student after all. He trusted Lucifer with the task of making sure you were safe from harm. But, at the same time, he wanted to ensure your safety himself.

Something about you drew him in. He was supposed to remain impartial towards the exchange students. He couldn’t favor them in any way. If he did, it wouldn’t be a proper test to see if humans and angels could adjust to life in the Devildom.

He had the power to give you everything you could ever desire. But he needed you to experience things on your own. And although he couldn’t show you any favoritism, that didn’t stop his growing feelings for you. It didn’t stop the curiosity he had about you.

He would notice the way you were with the brothers. You fit in perfectly with them - as if you were a missing piece in their puzzle.

You knew everything about them. How to keep Mammon from falling for pyramid schemes. How to get Levi to spend more time out of his room. How to calm Satan’s rage. How to get Asmo to look beyond his appearance. How to satisfy Beel’s hunger. And how to motivate Belphie to stay awake for longer.

Diavolo could see the way you had even managed to get to Lucifer when the two of you were dancing at one of his balls. Lucifer was genuinely smiling and Diavolo was…jealous.

When he realized that he was jealous of the seven demon brothers, Diavolo made it a point to spend more time with you. He wanted to get to know you and he wasn’t going to let his royal duties stand in the way of it.

He invited you out to dinner with him and the two of you were having a great time. Diavolo felt like he could really open up to you. So he told you some of the worries he was having about becoming the King of the Devildom.

He expected you to be a great listener, but he never expected you to help him so much. You knew all the right words to say.

You knew the history of the Devildom and what the leaders before him had done - including his father. You talked about his aspirations that he had yet to even share with Barbatos or Lucifer.

You made him see things in a light he never would have thought of. And, at the end of your speech, when you placed your hand on top of his, feelings overwhelmed Diavolo.

He didn’t know how you knew so much about the Devildom. Maybe Satan had been helping you study. And he didn’t know how you knew so much about his dreams for the Devildom. Maybe you were just blessed with big dreams like he was.

He was a bit skeptical of it all. He believed there was no way that you could know so much about everyone after being a random human who was chosen to come to RAD. There were too many coincidences and instances where you knew things you shouldn’t. 

He wanted to explore further and find an answer to his questions. But, at the end of the day, all that mattered was that he believed you truly belonged in the Devildom with all of them.

And when your hand touched his, it was the first time he had felt so much joy and love for one person. That was a feeling he wasn’t going to let go of.

Barbatos is the most wary of you. His ability is to see both the past and the future and to alter realities as he sees fit. So, whenever something suspicious is happening that involves time as a construct itself, he senses it.

He keeps a close eye on you. He couldn’t say what it was for sure that was different about you. You didn’t seem like you were from the past. Your aura didn’t match those he had met who had traveled to the future.

But, you definitely didn’t seem like you were truly from the present. He was on the same page as Lord Diavolo. There were far too many coincidences for one to chalk it up to you just being particularly intuitive. 

He wasn’t sure if you were using a spell or a curse. But he was positive you were either from the future or from a different reality. He didn’t say anything to anyone else though.

Getting others involved in the affair of time almost always resulted in dire consequences. He did try to figure it all out on his own though. Why were you there?

He could tell you weren’t a threat to the others. You seemed to genuinely care about them. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be spending as much time with them or doing the things that make them happy.

He came to the conclusion that this wasn’t the first time you had gotten to know them. He could see it in your eyes. The slightly tired look when you had to pretend like you didn’t know something. He imagined it was exhausting.

But, why would you be here if you already knew everyone? He studied your body language more. The way you were so happy just to be around everyone. The sad look in your eyes when they left. Almost heartbroken

Because it reminded you of a time when they left for good. So, that’s it then. One - or from the look in your eyes - all of them had met their end and you were here trying to prevent that.

Barbatos had to will himself not to open the door in his room to see what happened. Sometimes it was better not to know.

You and he had a chance to talk alone after the retreat at the castle. You offered to help Barbatos clean up the mess the others had left. And, even though he had a very specific way of doing things, he allowed you to help. This was his opportunity to try and find out more information from you.

When you started cleaning though, he was at a loss for words. You were doing everything perfectly, exactly in the order that he would do it. But in order for you to know that - you and he must have gotten quite close.

Barbatos’ mind began to race. He knew you were close to the others but he never thought he would have been one to fall for you as well. 

“Is everything okay?” you asked him and he immediately concealed whatever emotions he was feeling with a smile. 

“Yes, I’m just surprised by your efficiency,” Barbatos replied.

The fact that you had come either from the future or another reality meant that his time could be limited.

And now he was going to make sure to make the most of it. He wanted to get to know you the way the others had before it was too late.

Solomon knew more than he let on most of the time. He liked being the mysterious figure and keeping everyone on their toes.

He could tell that you had an immense potential for magic from the first moment he met you.

Everyone told him that you had no magical capabilities and that you were just a normal human. But he could see that was a lie, even if you couldn’t.

It was his mission to release that potential, but he had to be smart about it. He wanted you to find out about it on your own. He would just be there to give you a gentle nudge in the right direction when the time called for it.

He didn’t get much alone time with you, thanks to the brothers, so he had to watch your growth from afar.

He would study you in classes, watching as you would effortlessly perform whatever spell or curse the instructor had asked you to. Solomon knew that you would be able to perform them, but what he found intriguing was the expression you wore while doing them.

Your eyes looked slightly zoned out as you half-heartedly spoke the words. Sometimes gesturing lazily while you said the spell. You looked bored. As if you had already performed all these spells before.

It only piqued Solomon’s interest more and he eventually asked you to be his apprentice. He couldn’t be more happy when you accepted.

Solomon taught you some basic spells and was amused when you performed them easily. He moved onto the more intricate ones thinking he’d finally be able to challenge you. But he was shell-shocked when you performed them almost as easily. No magical capabilities? Whoever wrote that fact down about you got it all wrong.

Solomon decided to move on to something a bit more challenging - cooking. 

“Oh, that’s okay, I’m actually a great cook. How about you teach me how to do teleportation magic instead?” you asked, a hopeful gleam in your eyes.

“Now, Y/N, cooking is an important part of learning magic. A lot of curses require specific ingredients. Though I usually like to mix mine and see what happens!” Solomon responded with a smile as he began pulling out various items. 

“I usually just add things as I feel like it, but I do have one dish in particular where I actually follow a recipe,” Solomon added.

“Let me guess, you call it the Solomon Special?” you asked. Solomon looked shocked as he asked, “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” you replied, grabbing ingredients and throwing them into the pot. You were making it without Solomon even telling you how to do it. And you didn’t get a single thing wrong. 

That was impossible. This was his secret recipe. He had never shared it with anyone. In fact, the only reason he was about to share it with you was to impress you with his cooking skills.

“And done! Now let’s get out of the kitchen,” you said, leading him out of the room. Solomon trailed behind you. Something definitely wasn’t right here.

Solomon started paying more attention to you when you performed magic. He was trying to comprehend how you knew about a secret that was so “special” to him. 

He would use his own magical abilities to try and find the answers he was looking for. He could tell that you had a secret and he was dying to find out what it was.

Simeon had many things in his life that he kept from others. When you lived as long as he had, you witnessed many things that weren’t always pleasant to share with others.

Because of this, he got used to not sharing things. He always put on a smile and had a positive outlook towards things in life. 

He found a creative outlet to express his emotions - writing. And he used the stories he created to tell the secrets he held and wrote under a pen name so that he didn’t expose the truth. 

He was happy like that. He never felt the need to tell others about his past experiences or how he felt about them…Until he met you. A random human who others claimed wasn’t capable of anything significant.

Yet, from the moment he saw you, he felt something stir within him. He felt a connection to you unlike one he had ever felt before.

Your beauty caught him off guard and he was even more surprised when your kindness surpassed his own. How could a human be so perfect?

Simeon knew he was in trouble when it came to you. You were someone he could risk losing everything for.

Because of that, he did what he could to keep his distance. He was always nice to you and talked to you when you were around the others. But, he didn’t go out of his way to get alone time with you. He was afraid of what would happen if he did. 

But, then you said something to him that made him freeze. He had mentioned something to you about having writer’s block and your response was innocent. You were just trying to be friendly. But, it made Simeon begin to question you. 

“I’m sure you’ll get the motivation to write again soon. You have so much talent. Just look at how popular TSL has become!” you told him, doing your best to encourage him.

There was only one problem. He hadn’t told anyone that he was the author of that series. And, you had only come to know about TSL after you came to the Devildom. After you met him. So, how did you know?

The secret was out. The things he had been trying so hard to conceal were revealed. Yet, he didn’t feel the way he thought he would. You had spoken to him about his book with so much kindness in your heart. There was no judgment, there were no questions. 

The smile you gave Simeon attracted him even more as his mind raced. There was no explanation as to why you knew that information. 

The logical thing would be to question you about how you knew it. Especially considering this wasn’t the first time that you’ve known something you shouldn’t have. 

And although that was the logical thing to do. The only thing Simeon could think about was how he wanted to tell you more about himself.

To finally relieve the weight he’s been carrying around for as long as he could remember. Because he knew that you would listen to him and never make him feel bad for it. He knew that you were special.

BONUS CHARACTERS:

LUKE

The others weren’t the only ones who noticed your strange behavior. It wasn’t hard to see that you had a special talent for knowing about them and their likes and dislikes.

Luke got an example of this almost right away. He took a liking to your kindness immediately. All things considered, you were a remarkable human and he enjoyed spending time with you. 

He also believed that if you spent too much time with the demons then they would find a way to taint your soul. He was an angel after all and could see your virtue. Virtue that he didn’t want to change because of your time here in the Devildom.

He followed Simeon around in an attempt to warn you about the demons. He had finally seen you and opened his mouth to say something when you surprised him.

You held up a slice of Barbatos' Signature Cake. Luke immediately froze as he looked at the piece of cake in your hand.

He would never ask Barbatos - a demon - for the cake himself. Yet it was one of his guilty pleasures. He loved the combination of flavors the dessert provided.

“We were at the Demon Lord’s Castle, and Barbatos was serving his cake. I made sure to grab you a piece,” you told Luke with a small smile.

Had he said he liked Barbatos' dessert before? It couldn’t have just been a lucky guess. Why would you specifically go out of your way to save him a slice unless you knew how much he liked it. 

Luke was considered “young” for an angel so he was still learning some things. But he knew enough to know that there was something more going on than you were letting on.

THIRTEEN

You and Thirteen had been talking about one of the many adventures you had gone on with the brothers.

She had heard a rumor about it and asked you for the full story. So, you gladly indulged her request, giving her all the awful details about the trouble that befell you.

Thirteen thoroughly enjoyed the tale, especially how high stakes it was. It was truly a life-or-death situation.

She couldn’t help but imagine how if she had been there she would have had the perfect trap to get out of that situation.

As if reading her mind, you stated, “If only we had your Devouring D.D.D. trap.” Thirteen was surprised that you had stated what she was thinking.

But she was even more surprised at the trap you had mentioned. She only thought of it a few days prior and hadn’t told anyone about the idea. She hadn’t even started planning out all of the logistics for it.

So, how did you know about it? Could you read minds or something?

Thirteen knew there was something different about you because she could see how shiny your soul was.

But, there was more to you than just a shiny soul and she wanted to know what it was. Maybe she could use one of her traps to find out?

MEPHISTO

Mephisto didn’t really come into contact with you. His royal duties kept him pretty busy. And he wouldn’t dare slack off and risk looking bad in front of Lord Diavolo just to chat with the new human student.

But, he wasn’t oblivious to the way everyone acted around you. He could see that you were more than just a simple human.

What really sold it for him though was when he was planning on making those terrible stickers of Lord Diavolo and Lucifer. 

Mammon had recruited him for the Lucifer sticker and Mephisto gladly agreed. He was happy to be involved with something that might embarrass Lucifer.

They had all sworn secrecy to each other because they knew if news got out then they would be in big trouble.

Mephisto ensured that the brothers hadn’t told anyone. He was going to share the Lucifer sticker anonymously after school that day. He was quite proud of it. It was Lucifer riding a white unicorn. He believed it was quite clever.

You were passing Mephisto on your way out of the class and you told him, “You should make the unicorn pink and purple.”

Mephisto let out a small gasp at your words. Had one of the brothers leaked their plan? There was no way they could have. Mephisto had been keeping a careful eye on them all day.

So then how did you-?

Wait, you were right! Pink and purple would look much better and only further Lucifer’s embarrassment. Thanks, Y/N.

RAPHAEL

Not even Raphael was safe from your knowledge. He visited the Devildom rarely and his trips were usually so few and far between.

He had only talked to you on a few occasions and during those times, you didn’t really have any personal conversations.

Most of the information Raphael knew about you was because of what he heard from the others. 

And he was sure that it was the same way for you when it came to him. 

So, he was completely awestruck when Simeon handed him a present from you. Simeon had been visiting the Celestial Realm and you asked him to bring Raphael a present for you. 

Raphael opened it to see a beautiful spear enclosed. It was made from a very rare material that could only be found in the Devildom. It was said to have the potential to inflict ten times more damage than the one he currently had.

He never voiced this wish to anyone though. It was something he held as a secret in his heart because he was afraid that the other angels would look at him in disdain for wanting to acquire something from the Devildom.

Raphael ran his fingers over the spear. You must have some kind of mental telepathy abilities. The others had told him you were special but he didn’t see the extent of it until now.

You were not an ordinary human.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I must ask how my Most Favorite Boys, Jushiro Ukitake and Shinji Hirako, are doing in AEIWAM?

When Shinji returns to his post as Captain of the 5th after his exile, he is DETERMINED to not repeat his past mistakes and actually get to know the shinigami serving under him. He needs... Some kind of event, something people will voluntarily attend, where they'll tell him about themselves, and with a bit of structure because he is an awkward sod, and social interactions need RULES, DAMMIT-

"Now hang on-" says Shinji after staring at the blank office wall in silence for the last thirty minutes. "-that's not a bad idea!"

"...Is he okay?" Lieutenant Momo asks quietly.

"Oh yeah, he's always a little freak. Talks to himself and gets a lot out of the conversation." Also Lieutenant Hiyori nods. "You don't need to worry until he breaks out the craft supplies."

"He just pulled out a bunch of markers and construction paper." Momo pointed to their captain as he scribbled furiously on the paperwork he was ignoring.

"Aw. Fuck." Groaned Hiyori. "Well this is gonna be cringe as hell."

***

A few nights later, most of the fifth division assembled in the auditorium, slightly confused, but they had been promised there would be no additional work from this meeting, and there was an open bar, so they were in figurative and literal high spirits.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fifth Division, welcome to TONIGHT'S GAME!" A cheerful and showman-like voice called out over the speakers, and the stage curtain rose to reveal a brightly colored game show stage where there had not been one before.

"Tonight's lovely contestants are- all the way from payroll, it's Fifth Division Tenth Seat Tenya Danshin!" The voice called out as the familiar face of their payroll and scheduling manager trotted out onstage and took his place behind the first of three podiums. There was some scattered and genuine, if confused applause from the audience.

"He's Big, he's Bad, he's just a little Bizarre, he's Josuke Araki!" The voice continued as a notably tall and muscular member took his place behind the middle podium with a wave and broad grin. There was more clapping and a few cheers this time.

"Currently being dragged onstage by my lovely assistant, it's my second favorite Lieutenant, Hiyori Sarugaki!" The voice continued as Hiyori was wrestled onstage and behind the third podium by Momo. The audience whooped and snickered at the spectacle.

"FUCK YOU, YOU FREAK!" Hiyori roared, flipping off the audience and the figure behind the final podium on the other side of the stage.

"I'm your host, ME! I've been here the whole time!" Grinned Shinji, dressed in a rather snappy three piece suit and holding a microphone. "WELCOME, all my lovely division members and Hiyori, to Tonight's Game! Now, you all know how to play, right?"

"Um. No. Sorry sir." Muttered Tenya as Josuke shook his head.

"You didn't tell us shit!" Hiyori growled.

"That's RIGHT!" Shinji's Cheshire Cat smile shined under the spotlights.

"You see, I wanted to get to know everyone in the 5th a little better, and there is nothing quite like a game show to get people to reveal some truly startling sides of themselves, but playing the same game over and over would be boring! So, every night we play Tonight's Game, the game is a different game than last time, and the contestants will all start with blank slates!" He explained, entirely too pleased with himself. "So- the only way to win is by learning, the only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to begin is by beginning, so without further ado- Momo, will you please bring out THE LIE DETECTOR."

The small curtains at the back of the stage opened, and Momo rolled out a cart with a strange device covered in dials and switches with a long antenna and a large lightbulb on top.

"Thank you Momo! Now, the clever bastards in the 12th whipped this up for me so I have absolutely no idea how it actually works, but I am assured this is the latest cutting-edge in Veracity Technology. Let's turn it on and try it out! Tenya-!"

"Yes, sir!" Tenya snapped to attention. "No need to be formal, I'm only your host, not your captain right now." Shinji waved. "Tell me Tenya- Do you have any children?"

"I- Um, my wife and I have three children, two little boys and our infant daughter?" He stammered, confused.

DING! The Device charmed, light bulb lighting up bright green.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji grinned. "You get a point!"

There was another chime as the screen on the front of Tenya's Podium lit up and displayed a "1".

"Oh, I see!" Laughed Tenya.

"Josuke!" called Shinji.

"Capt- Host?" Josuke stopped mid-salute.

"Very good! Tell me Josuke, do you live in the barracks?" Shinji asked with genuine interest.

"Uh, no. I live with my Mom." Josuke shook his head.

DING! Said the device.

"That is Correct!" Shinji nodded approvingly. "You get a point as well!"

"Oh, so, every time we tell the truth, we get a point?" Asked Josuke.

"Very quick on the uptake my friend!" Shinji winked. "Of course, as the game goes on, the questions are going to get much harder to answer Truthfully..."

Oooooooh! Gasped the audience, invested now.

"What happens if we lie?" Wondered Tenya.

"Even if we did- how would he fucking know?" Hiyori rolled her eyes.

"You can try it and find out!" Shinji grinned with more than a hint of Menace. "Hiyori! It's your turn!"

"Ugh. What?" She groaned.

"Tell me, When is my birthday?" Asked Shinji.

"I don't know and I don't care." She smirked, sticking her tongue out at him.

BZZRK! The Device buzzed angrily, and the light flashed red. OHH! laughed the audience.

"What the FUCK?" Yelped Hiyori.

"Ooh!" Shinji winced, thoroughly enjoying himself. "I'm afraid that is INCORRECT! According to the screen back here, you spent the better part of THREE MONTHS tracking down a specific part to repair my sound system and traveled halfway across the planet to deliver it personally to me on my birthday. So not only do you know, you DO care, and for that I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock you two points."

Hiyori's screen lit up and displayed a "-2"

"WHAT THE HELL?" Hiyori wailed. "You didn't even see me when I gave you that Banana Plug or whatever-!"

"I did not!" Shinji grinned. "-but The Device knows, and is infallible!" "That's terrifying!" Tenya laughed nervously. "Alright contestants, the questions are going to get harder now, so consider your answers to them carefully." Shinji warned, a finger up to his lips. "Contestants- does any of your underwear have holes in it?"

"...Can we refuse to answer on the grounds it might get us in trouble?" asked Josuke.

"Yes! But you won't get any points for that round, and you may not win our Lovely Prize this week. Speaking of- Momo! Will you please show our contestants what they're playing for this week?"

Momo emerged from backstage with a large, blank sign, which she turned over and held over her head for all to see.

AN EXTRA WEEK OF PAID VACATION

OHHH! exclaimed the audience, with a few audible mutters of Damn, a whole week? and How do you get on this show?.

"ALL MY UNDERWEAR HAS GOT HOLES IN IT!" Shouted Josuke, now with heavily-motivated enthusiasm. Laughter exploded out of the audience, thoroughly entertained.

DING! chimed the device, and the score on Josuke's podium went up.

"Josuke taking an early and shameless lead!" Beamed Shinji, delighted that his plan was working. "Tenya?"

"I-ah, I don't think so?" Tenya blushed. "I bathe the kids and get them ready for bed while my wife does the laundry." He tried to explain.

BZZRK! The Device contested, red light flashing and the audience howled with laughter.

"Uh-oh, that's Not Correct!" Grinned Shinji. "According to the device, a significant amount of your clothes have holes in them, and you don't notice because you get dressed in the dark. You didn't outright lie though, so you will only not get a point instead of a deduction."

"WHAT?" Yelped Hiyori, outraged.

"Yeah, that's fair." Tenya winced. "Seriously though- where does this thing get it's information from?"

"...Hiyori?" Shinji leered playfully at his lieutenant.

"Yeah, it's all got holes. They come that way- Two for my legs and one for my torso." Hiyori snarled.

DING! agreed The Device.

"That is *technically* correct, which is the BEST kind of correct! You get a point!" Shinji cheered, and so did the audience.

"FINALLY!" She shouted, but her eyes narrowed with competitive enthusiasm.

---

The game continued for an hour, with a mix of group and solo questions, but equal chances to score points awarded to all contestants. Josuke was shameless but ill-informed, causing him to fail several rounds, Tenya was honest even as his face flushed red and he crumpled behind his Podium. Hiyori did her best to be only as honest as she had to be, and as the game continued, they came to a three-way tie.

"Before we begin the final round-" Shinji said, intoning a gentle sincerity. "Contestants, you've been so honest with me. Like. Alarmingly Honest with me. So I need to be honest with you- I do know how The Lie Detector works."

There was a scandalized gasp from all three contestants and the audience.

"Okay- I *sort of* know how The Device works." Shinji admitted. "I don't know what 'Wiffy' is-"

"YOU MEAN THE FUCKING WI-FI?" Howled Hiyori.

"Oh, like you know how it works!" Shinji glared.

"It's using a radio frequency to transmit Data instead of an electrical pulses like internet usually does." She scoffed. "-AND I KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT!"

Shinji glared. "...I should deduct a point from you for insubordination."

"You can't do that, you're the Host, not the Captain!" Said Josuke cheerfully.

"Yeah, unless Host is a Military rank, it's arguing, not insubordination."

DING! Agreed The Device.

"DON'T GANG UP ON ME!" Shinji wailed. "Fine, fine. Anyway, I might not know how Why-Figh works, but I *DO* know how the device knows if you're lying or not. Would my Lovely Assistants please come to the stage?"

Momo emerged from backstage, wearing a labcoat and holding another device with an antenna that matched the Lie Detector, followed by a middle aged woman holding a Baby, an older woman, and Mashiro Kuna.

"Akkiko?" Tenya yelped, and his wife laughed manically.

"MOM??" Wailed Josuke.

"MASHIRO??" Hiyori bellowed, jumping up onto her Podium. "YOU SOLD ME OUT?!"

"FOR A BAG OF CORN CHIPS!" Mashiro cackled.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY HER?!" Hiyori howled at Shinji.

"She was gonna do it for free! I talked her UP to a bag of corn chips!" Shinji protested. "But YES! You've all been deceived! Hoodwinked!Bamboozled, even! Which brings us to our Final Question!"

The crowd roared with excitement.

"I started this game because I wanted to get to know everyone better- but I have to ask, how well do YOU know each other, and so I must ask you all if you know these people as well as they know you?"

There was a loud OOOH! of intrigue from the audience.

"Just to make it extra-exciting, all of these questions will be worth up to three points!" Shinji grinned, then slowly turned to the first Podium. "Tenya."

"Oh god." Tenya laughed nervously.

"Your lovely wife. You've been married for ten year now, so you theoretically know what she looks like, right?" Shinji teased. "So, for a potential three points and week of paid vacation- Do you know what color Akkiko's eyes are?"

Akkiko giggled, turning around as Tenya leaned as far forward on his Podium and squinted at her. With a deep sigh, he slumped over the podium in defeat.

"...I do not." He groaned and Akkiko cackled.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji cheered.

"I'm not good with colors." Tenya tried to explain. "-this morning I actually asked her what color MY eyes are."

"YES! That's what I was waiting to hear!" Shinji shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "All three points!"

The audience cheered loudly.

Shinji turned to the next contestant. "Josuke."

"Oh no." Josuke giggled.

"What is your mother's favorite food?" Shinji asked.

Josuke stared blankly.

"SURELY you are not living in your mother's house and NOT COOKING FOR HER, are you?" Shinji asked with no small amount of menace.

"You're never going to get married if you can't cook!" Tenya nodded in agreement.

"I COOK!" Josuke protested. "...sometimes." he added, cringing.

"-So. What do you make for your beloved mother, who works so hard taking care of her adult son?" Shinji teased.

"LOTSA STUFF THAT'S WHY I DON'T KNOW!" Josuke wailed. "I COOK KATSUDON, I COOK RAMEN, I COOK CURRY, I COOK OMURICE- I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO COOK WESTERN FOODS LIKE LASAGNA AND CHILLI CHEESE DOG-! DING! Went the device, Josuke's mother holding the radio.

"Was your favorite in there Mrs. Akari?"

"Yes! I like Chili Cheese Dog." She smiled. "I always eat seconds!"

"YOU ALWAYS EAT SECONDS OF EVERYTHING I COOK I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THE MOST!" Josuke wailed.

"That is also true! He is a very good cook! And single!" She nodded up at Shinji.

"-And he's single!" Shinji grinned at the audience, some of whom whistled back. "Three points, for your culinary skills! Which means we have a Tie!"

The audience tittered with speculation and excitement.

"...Hiyori." Shinji grinned.

"You're a dead man as soon as you sign off on my vacation time." She glared.

"I mean, I can end the game right now." Shinji wagged his finger at her. "-But I can't resist the opportunity to humliate you. Now, You and Mashiro have been living under the same roof for longer than Josuke and Tenya have been alive, so to be fair to them, I'll ask you about someone you've met more recently but should still know pretty well-"

Hiyori squinted at him.

"-What is Momo's Favorite Animal?"

"What?" Hiyori laughed. "-Everyone knows it's Penguins!"

"Really?" asked Josuke. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I didn't know that either and I've served under her for decades now!" Said Tenya.

"What? How do you guys NOT know that?" Demanded Hiyori. "Her phone background is a Rockhopper Penguin, she's got a Fairy penguin squeeze toy in her desk for really long phone calls and she's always talking about wanting to go to the Tokyo aquarium in the living world to see them in person! She's even got a HUGE collection of penguin plushies in her r-" DINGDINGDINGDINGSING!! rang the Machine as Momo furiously pressed the button, face red as a beet.

"Wow!" Shinji smiled. "I'm surprised! You seem to know Miss Hinamori really well!"

"Uh, duh? We're colleagues." Hiyori rolled her eyes.

Momo sighed with relief.

"Interesting! Follow-up question- What's Mashiro's surname?" Shinji asked.

Hiyori blinked. "...uhhhhhhhh..."

"You heard Kensei yell it at least six times a day for the last century you jackass!" Laughed Mashiro.

"UHHHHH..." Hiyori paled, and the audience roared with laughter.

"Hmm... I seem to remember you pretending you didn't care about my birthday, and yet, you do- For you to remember her favorite animal and in such detail, Momo must be VERY IMPORTANT to you!"

The audience giggled Momo turned scarlet again and slowly crumpled into a ball. Mashiro vibrated with excitement beside her.

"Yeah?" Hiyori glared at Shinji. "She's the smartest person in the whole damn division and does half your job for you? If I win, I'm giving the week off to her just to watch you flail around without her! No wait- I'll set up the webcam and we can split the week off, go to the aquarium AND watch Shinji squirm like a worm an a-! Uh? Momo? You okay there?" She asked, finally noticing Momo laying on the floor, borderline catatonic with embarrassment.

"This is FASCINATNG!" Shinji grinned. "You are apparently so immune to embarrassment that you have somehow made it bounce off you and target Momo!"

"What's to be embarrassed about? I like her okay?" Hiyori blinked. "She's great! I wanna work with her forever!"

Shinji leaned forward on his elbows, chin in his hands and stared at Hiyori, positively vibrating with excitement.

"What?" She glared.

"You are. SO CLOSE. To comprehending something." He said, wide-eyed and delighted. "It's fascinating to see someone on the precipice like this."

Hiyori stared blankly at him. clueless.

"So you like Momo. We've established that." Shinji said, attempting to throw her a bone. "H- how do you think Momo feels about you?" Hiyori slowly lowered her gaze to Momo. The entire audience watched in hushed fascination as Hiyori frowned at the situation, thinking hard-

"...Momo?" Hiyori's voice was suddenly nervous. "Do you- have I just been annoying you? Becuase I can stop-"

Momo Hinamori was abruptly on her feet, crouched atop the Podium, fists balled in the front of Hiyori's shushako, pulling the blonde's face up so it was mere inches from hers. "HIYORI SARUGAKI YOU ARE THE MOST INFURIATING WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Fuck!" Hiyori yelped. "I'm really sorry, I'll- I'll leave you alo-"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO, MISSY!" Momo continued, grabbing Hiyori's face. "YOU'RE WINNING THIS GAME, YOU'RE SPLITTING THE WEEK OFF WITH ME, YOU ARE GETTING A HOTEL IN THE LIVING WORLD AND THEN *I* AM GOING TO-'

In the videotape of the game that mysteriously appeared in the ninth division later that week, the next forty-seven seconds of sound had been obscured by a single, loud, continuous "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" sound, but Mashiro was visibly looking up some of the terms being shouted on her phone, Josuke's mother sprinted up to cover her son's ears to no avail, Akkiko was pointing between herself and Tenya with excitement, and Shinji's jaw fell so far open it looked like it had become unhinged from his skull.

"-AND IF EITHER OF US CAN WALK IN THE MORNING, THEN WE'RE GONNA GO SEE SOME PENGUINS!" Momo finished, staring Hiyori down with a terrifying blend of romantic fury and bloodthirsty lust.

Hiyori stared up, wide-eyed and expressionless, face clearly offline as she underwent several psychological and spiritual awakenings before her she slowly broke into a slow, stupefied grin "Oh you like-like me!"

"...Yes." Momo sighed, deeply pained and affectionate at once as the audience howled. "You're okay with... all that?"

Hiyori saluted Momo with an enthusiastic "-Yes, SIR!"

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKIN' ABOUT!" Shinji whooped with joy, jumping up and down, the audience on their feet with applause. "POINTS AND VACATIONS ALL AROUND, AND FOR BEING THE *MOST* HONEST, THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S GAME IS MOMO HINAMORI!"

The audience cheered wildly as Momo scooped Hiyori up like a princess and carried her backstage.

"THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT'S GAME!" called Shinji over the din. "GOODNIGHT EVERYONE, AND GOOD FUCKING LUCK!"

---

As for Jushiro Ukitake, he appears on a special guest episode of Tonight's Game with fellow Captains Soi Fon, Byakuya Kuchiki and Retsu Unohana to play "Never Have I Ever" and *that* episode is widely considered to be one of the most scandalous and unhinged of all the games on Tonight's Game.

[verypersonalscreencaps]

"PREGNANT, IF I WANT, WHEN I WANT, HOW I WANT" FRANCE BECOMES FIRST COUNTRY TO EXPLICITLY ENSHRINE ABORTION RIGHTS IN CONSTITUTION The Washington Post | Published March 4, 2024 PARIS — With the endorsement of a specially convened session of lawmakers at Versailles, France on Monday became the first country in the world to explicitly enshrine abortion rights in its constitution — an effort galvanized by the rollback of protections in the United States. The amendment referring to abortion as a “guaranteed freedom” needed the approval of three-fifths of lawmakers — or 512 votes. The vote result on Monday evening was 780 in favor and 72 against. “We’re sending a message to all women: your body belongs to you and no one can decide for you,” Prime Minister Gabriel Attal told lawmakers assembled in Versailles. Thousands of Parisians gathered to watch the proceedings live on a giant television screen at Le Parvis des Droits de l’Homme — or “Human Rights Square” — in central Paris, with the Eiffel Tower looming dramatically over the scene. Before the political debate began, the television screen showed a montage of women’s rights campaigners around the world holding signs declaring, “My body is mine” and “My body, my choice.” The sound system blared Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” Parisians driving by honked their horns. France decriminalized abortion in 1975; abortion is legal for any reason through the 14th week of pregnancy. This amendment won’t change any of that. But while other countries have inferred abortion rights protections from their constitutions, as the U.S. Supreme Court did in Roe v. Wade, France is the first to explicitly codify in its constitution that abortion rights are protected. France is not interpreting its constitution; it is changing its constitution. The outcome was “also a promise for all women who fight all over the world for the right to have autonomy over their bodies — in Argentina, in the United States, in Andorra, in Italy, in Hungary, in Poland,” said lawmaker Mathilde Panot, who had introduced the bill in the National Assembly. “This vote today tells them: your struggle is ours, this victory is yours.” People gather near the Eiffel Tower during the broadcast of the special session of Parliament, in Paris on Monday.

[greedyhoneyz]

On Bended Knee

ೃ࿔*:･pairing: bruce wayne x reader

.ೃ࿔*:･synopsis: upon newly blossomed wings comes the season of spring, freed at last as wedding bells ring.

.ೃ࿔*:･cw: none.

.ೃ࿔*:･authors notes: this is a modern take on bruce. like i imagine him being a major socialite (like jfk jr) in the late 90s/00s (him being so closed off from the media) and his kids (nepo babies) when they are older use social media and show off their parents for people who are curious about what bruce’s been up after his parents murder. ….or it can be hella modern like battinson or something idk 🤷🏾‍♀️

When the first day of spring bloomed, buds sprouted from beneath ageing trees and flowers sang hymns of spring’s deep soul and blessed the warm air.

April 15th. The early morning sun had peeked over the courtyard, and a pleasant breeze from the north rustled through, cooling the guests and family members as they waited in their seats, across from the walk leading to the pavilion. Flowers and white streamers decorated the bannisters, a ceremonial mixture of whites and champagne pinks.

Sweet strains of classical music fluttered through the air, tuning out the occasional conversation as the groom wadded through feelings of nausea and discomfort. He swayed on the heels of his dress shoes, his arms tightly glued to his back and nipped at his bottom lip. His careful eyes dressed the courtyard, scouring across the row of friends, family and his groomsmen before he squinted at the grand doors latched above.

The groom heaved, shifting anxiously on the heels of his feet, and pulled at the cuffs of his shirt for the fifth time that hour. He bit his lip, eyed the backyard door from afar, and mumbled a few words of prayer, interlocking his fingers together and peering up at the sky.

The bridal chorus, a vivid and light piece, began to play from the orchestra as the grand doors flew open, a wash of petals fluttering out into the air.

One by one, in a synchronised fashion, the bridal procession descended from the mansion steps towards the aisle. Flower girls, dressed in the sweetest whites, showered pink roses across the aisle as the bridesmaids, dressed in blush gowns veiled the accession of the bride with gleeful smiles.

The bride, arm in arm with her father, bared herself from behind the procession and merrily ascended across the aisle. Her gown, a princess-cut bodice encrusted with heavily laced beadwork, layered with a soft skirt flared below her veil, floating along as she waltzed, in her hands a bouquet of Stephanotis’.

She was magnificent, beguiling and alluring. All were words that floated through the depths of the groom’s head as he stood with bated breaths, gazing at her with a heavy heart and glassy eyes.

As they drew closer, the groom slowly stepped down from the pavilion and extended his arm to unravel the chain between father and daughter once the pair came to the end of the aisle. He peered at his bride with pride riddled through his eyes as her father turned and placed a longing kiss on the side of her head. He loosened her arm from around his and raised it. He set her hand in the groom’s and slowly retreated into the audience, watching with dread and contentment as the groom carefully guided her up into the pavilion.

The bridal tune faded, and the pastor stepped up to the microphone, Bible in hand. He smiled at the assembly of family and close friends and began. "Cherished family and honoured guests, I would like to thank all for coming out on this glorious day,"

The sound of his polished voice carried well from the speakers on either side of the pavilion as the pastor opened the Bible before him. "Let us begin by offering thanks to the Lord." The procession bowed their heads and the pastor began his prayer.

The groom’s eyes softened at the sight of the swooning silhouette of his bride. His bride gleamed, in awe at the pure poetry pooled within his eyes and replied with a flustered smile shadowed from beneath her veil, before fluttering her eyes shut.

“Dear Lord…”

Once the prayer had concluded, the pastor led the bride and groom through their vows. Their vows to each other expressed their tenderness and devotion to one another. And when it ended, their rings were exchanged.

Scampering across the aisle, the bride’s nephew dressed in a blue tuxedo waddled up the stairs, a pillow nestled between his tiny fingers and hurriedly handed the groom the rings before scampering off to his mother who waited expectantly at the bottom of the stairs.

With an enamoured smile across his face, the pastor turned to the groom and began. “Do you, Bruce Thomas Wayne take….as your lawfully wedded wife?”

Bruce gaped at the woman in front of him. Though her beauty was sheltered behind her veil and the glaring sunlight, he still caught a glimpse of the bashful smile that lingered on her face. “…I do.”

Twirling the ring between his fingers, Bruce grinned at his bride. He held her smooth hand, scoring his thumb across her skin and gently slid the ring onto her finger till it rested by her knuckles.

The pastor smiled and turned to the bride. “Do you…..take Bruce Thomas Wayne as your lawfully wedded husband?”

(name) giggled, flustered at Bruce’s bright stare and nodded. “I do.”

She took the ring resting in her palm and slid it onto his finger.

"By the power vested upon me, I now declare you, husband and wife." The pastor held up his hands, bringing the crowd to their feet.

"You may now kiss your bride."

Lifting her veil, Bruce gently draped the white fabric behind her head, letting it fall across her back and stared at his wife.

As their eyes met, the world seemed to fade away, the world around them forgotten. She felt his hand tenderly touch her cheek, his fingers tracing a line down her jawline.

She beamed, tilting her head ever so slightly and fluttered her lashes, luring him in with a simple, feathered whisper.

He kissed her, soft and gentle, then with a growing intensity. Their kiss was full of tenderness and passion, a dance of two souls perfect in harmony.

His arm wrapped around her, pulling her close as they found themselves castaway, the world around them ceased to exist.

Their embrace lasted for what felt like an eternity, their lips parting only for brief moments for air. They explored each other's mouths with a gentle urgency, their tongues intertwining in a dance of passion and desire.

And as they finally broke free, they peered into each other's eyes with an inviting warmth. It was a moment that would be forever remembered, a moment of softness, tenderness, passion and pure exquisite love.

[theealbatross]

Sebastian x Reader: come one, come all (One Shot)

Plot | Five years after graduating, two kindred spirits are finally getting married and their friends reminisce on their brilliant histories.

or, Lucas Brattleby interviews their friends on their memories and opinions of the future Mr. and Mrs. Sallow as a little gift for the couple.

Tags | None, fluff, overuse of the name Merlin, mentions of slight torture (hexes), lowkey bullying, lowkey codependency if you squint, obsessive behavior (but it's okay cause theyre in love), cursing, Lucas lowkey has a crush on Sebastian lol

[A/N: A line from this story is not made by me, "I would follow him to hell but I wish he wouldn't go there" so to whoever wrote that first just know your quote is the inspiration for this story!!]

“What is this again?”

The brat, Lucas Brattleby, had grown obscenely taller the last time Imelda had seen him, which was about 3 years ago when he was a rookie reporter covering her latest game. She heard he is now a publisher in his own right but didn’t seem to brush off that annoying lint in his voice back when he was still a Gryffindor matching illegal unsanctioned duels in the Clock Tower.

“A small gift of mine for the couple,” he grinned (still as irritating, she’s seen that grin enough times before she got her ass handed to her so forgive her for not being enamored), pushing the pen (recorder?) to her that she reflexively pushed him by his face. “Sorry.”

“And why should I do this?”

“Oh come on, Imelda. It’s just harmless questions to take us back down memory lane. It’ll be played at the reception and I promise I’ll send you everything before I finalize it just so you can make sure –”

“Alright!” She stopped walking, rolling her eyes when Lucas quickly assembled his camera, even quickly conjuring a chair and putting it at the center of the frame. Clearly, he knew she could change her mind at any moment.

“My lady,” he bowed dramatically, pointing a palm to the seat.

“Don’t call me that. You have 10 minutes before warm-ups start.” Lucas raised both of his hands in the air before quickly running behind the camera and clicking the button to start recording.

“I’ll be out of here in 5.” Lucas flipped a paper in front of him. “Let’s start with your name, a little something about yourself and where did you meet them.”

She took a deep breath, putting on the poker face she usually plasters on her face when talking to the media before her many games instinctively. “Imelda Reyes, Vice-Captain of Puddlemere United, and I had the misfortune of being in the same boat as Sebastian Sallow during our first year. She, however, was a little late to the party and wreaked havoc on my life when I was a fifth year.”

Lucas was meticulously writing notes in his fancy notebook.

“What’s the fondest memory you have of the couple?”

She scoffed, not even needing to think about it. “Sebastian? Definitely when he caught a bludger … with his face.” The memory of the cry he emitted pulled a real smile on Imelda’s face. “We almost lost and I would’ve killed him for it but oh was it glorious.”

He remembers this game.

“Didn’t he fall off his broom midair?”

Imelda waved a nonchalant hand in front of her face. “That girlfriend of his caught him with an Arresto Momentum so no harm done – well, except the crooked nose he sported for a week.”

Lucas chuckled with her, “And for the future Mrs. Sallow?”

“Nothing much, most conversation we’ve had was her beating me – beating me in a race, beating me in a duel, Merlin, she even beat me with the class ranking on her first year in Hogwarts. I had a five-year head start how was that possible?!”

Lucas smiled, reading that as bitter her words were she truly held no grudge over it. He was caught off guard, however, when Imelda suddenly had a small, serene smile on her face, her voice when she spoke softer. “She was … it was like I was always chasing after her. We all were, Sebastian always first in the race but … it was fun. I had fun. She made Hogwarts fun. A true competition, yknow? Didn’t have much at that point in my life.”

“Competition?”

“A friend.”

Lucas couldn’t help but be surprised – not everyone can be considered as Imelda Reyes’ friend as picky as she is, though he quickly fixed his face when she shot him a look that told him not to probe. “Did you ever think they would both get married?”

Imelda scoffed out a laugh, crossing her arms. “I knew the only way they wouldn’t get married is if Sallow got assassinated by one of her many admirers and even then I wouldn’t put it past him to somehow turn into an Inferi just so he can still be the one to marry her. I’m honestly surprised he held on for this long, pretty sure he would’ve popped the question the moment we graduated.”

“Technically, he did. They just decided to get married this year.”

That one made her laugh out loud, shaking her head at her old friend’s antics. Of course, she knew those two would get married, basically tied to the hip, always getting in and out of trouble with each other and for each other. Bloody hell, they’d been married since fifth-year and just didn’t know it.

“Typical Sallow,” she caught herself. “Well, Sallows now, Merlin help us all.”

Lucas rechecked everything on his notes, making sure to mark any and all important details of the words his enchanted pen has written for him as he spoke with his former Senior, Garreth Weasley, who was once a thorn on the side of Professor Sharp but was now a renowned Potions Master actively getting scouted by Hogwarts, his blends sought upon by the most respectable wizards and witches all over the world.

“Did I think they would get married? Mate, Sebastian almost bit my head off when I tried to ask her if she would like to be partners for one potion class. One! And we were sitting next to each other! I’m sorry if I thought I was being friendly?!”

Lucas has heard and has unfortunately been a victim of Sebastian’s … tendencies. You, despite being the top duelist in Hogwarts was always, more often than not, partnered with Sebastian in every duel. The one time Lucas had agreed in a quiet solo duel without letting Sebastian know his senior had caught him on his way to his potion's class and nailed him to the wall by his cloak while threatening him to never let it happen again or he will turn him into a pretty outline in the walls of Hogwarts with Bombarda.

He thinks that was the closest thing he had been to peeing his pants.

“Yeah, Sebastian doesn’t have the best track record with friendly males around his girlfriend.”

“They weren’t even courting by then how would I bloody know that –”

“Ready, Poppy?”

Surprisingly, the sweet woman in front of him has been the most difficult to track down. Amongst their mutual friends she was the one he had no idea where to start, especially after his only lead, her grandmother, had no other information to give him aside that the last she heard Sweet Poppy was down South Clagmar Coast ‘doing Merlin knows what’.

Thankfully, the citizens of Cragcroft were a bit more helpful and he was able to send her an owl about his little project.

“Where should we start?”

Lucas made sure she was framed perfectly in the shot before nodding to himself. “Nothing complicated Poppy, just first impressions or any memory you have of the young couple.”

She pursed her lips in thought, nodding to herself, “The two of them have always been terrifyingly intimidating, especially for someone like me. Seemed to just attract attention and trouble on their own – I mean, killing a troll in Hogsmeade on the first day – just a bunch of troublemakers they were. Brilliant troublemakers – which only made them scarier in my eyes.”

Lucas nodded in total agreement but he couldn’t help but squint at her.

“You aren’t exactly innocent, Ms. Hid-a-Hippogriff.”

Her eyes widened, blushing at the accusation. “In my defense, future Mrs. Sallow helped me take care of Highwing.”

Poppy recounted the memories with a smile on her face.  Her dainty smile grew bigger as she recapped happy memories she had with her classmates.

“But they’ve always been lovely. Lovely people and an even lovelier couple. Sebastian has always been bright and charming and surprisingly kind for a Slytherin and she … she’s always been unapologetic of who she was. It also meant she never judged anybody for who they are either.”

The woman paused, the smile on her face remained frozen as if she was in deep reflection.

“A true friend – one of the truest I had.”

Lucas was never in their circle, hell, aside from each other and maybe Ominis nobody was truly ever in their innermost circle despite their popularity. At every explosive trouble the two were always caught in he couldn’t help but wonder just what they get up to when they weren’t caught. Even back then he knew he would’ve risked his life and followed them no question asked if it meant his young self got to go to one of their death-defying adventures with them.

But being two years younger was a barrier he could never overcome.

It is refreshing to hear of stories from their friend’s perspective and not in passing in the Central Hall in Hogwarts where it’s all half-true, fabricated, or painfully hyperbolic. Maybe that’s why he had thought to do this, a reporter’s disease of needing to know the truth, the dark side of the coin they hid with their secrets and anonymities passed only in hushed whispers and clandestine meetings with each other.

“Are you excited about the wedding?”

Poppy nodded eagerly. “Oh, I’m extremely happy for my friends! It’s not every day two souls find each other and just not let go. I’m glad they didn’t. After all they’ve been through, they deserve to have each other.”

He couldn’t have agreed more.

“That they do.”

Mr. Lucas Brattleby,

I have received your owl, unfortunately, I will not be able to go back there till the night before the wedding as I still have a business to wrap up here in America. For the questions you sent, I shall send this Howler and you may record it.

I have nothing good to say about Mr. Sebastian Sallow, that boy had done nothing but torment me in my youth. It’s a bloody miracle he had managed to snag the Hero of Hogwarts as his girlfriend – terrible lack of judgment on her part I must say, we all have our flaws – much less agree to be his wife. If there’s one good thing he did do, it was willingly become a lowly servant to such a lovely witch. Least he could do, really.

However, despite their blatant differences and unfortunate similarities I, for one, knew immediately that not even Death could sever such a connection – not if Sebastian Sallow had anything to say about it, and trust me I speak from experience. They’ve fought through detentions, goblins, dark wizards, and a damned troll – I’m sure marriage will be a breeze in a park.

Well, if I’m wrong, then let the future Mrs. Sallow know I would be more than willing to offer a comforting shoulder.

Leander Prewitt Department of International Magical Cooperation

PS. To my darling wife Leonora, light of my life, the last part was a joke and If I somehow disappear it was Sebastian Sallow who did it.

“They give Sebastian too much credit when my dear friend was equally as obsessed about him. Do you remember Allia?”

Lucas snapped his fingers when he finally put a face to the name he hadn’t heard in a while but made sure to look around lest one of the younger students managed to hear such … delicate matters in the DADA classroom. “Didn’t she transfer during your 6th year? Something about personal … complications?”

Natty laughed out loud, doubling over with tears in her eyes. “Oh, that excuse was all thanks to Ominis swinging around his name. Our dear witch hexed poor Allia while she was asleep for trying to poison Sebastian with Amortentia! Sneaked straight into the Ravenclaw tower and cursed her to grow the features of a rat every time she even thought about Sebastian! The only way Ominis could convince our friend to take back the curse and avoid expulsion was at the condition of her transferring and never letting the couple see even her shadow again.”

He never even noticed that his jaw was hanging off his face.

“Oh, if everyone only knew that fights I had prevented if a Junior so much as fluttered their lashes at Sebastian,” she shook her head, still laughing to herself.

Now all the pieces he hadn’t realized were part of the same puzzle clicked on his head. The flat smile on her face that never quite reached her eyes every time they were surrounded by strangers, the grip she always held on Sebastian’s arms no matter where they were going, the ‘promise ring’ Sebastian also wore when traditionally it was just the girl who had it, and the absolute absence of Sebastian’s name when girls talked about boys they fancied in the common room when he was undoubtedly better looking than most students in Hogwarts.

“A jealous witch she was, thinks she’s good at hiding it,” Natty chuckled.

Lucas realized in horror that she had scared off the entire female student body.

“But by the gods was she better at hexes.”

When Lucas had heard that Ominis Gaunt had been working closely with the Minister for Magic and was undoubtedly being groomed to be his successor, he wasn’t exactly surprised. Everyone knew he would be someone important someday so Lucas had damn near lost all hope as he sent an owl to the man.

When he received a reply in a fortnight brought by a regal-looking owl, Lucas thought he must have some soft spot for his fellow alumni. But it would seem the man just had a lot to let out of his chest.

“Oh, the stories I could tell! If I had a knut for every time I had to rescue one of those idiots out of a horrific situation they found themselves in I would be richer than the Blacks!”

He’d never seen his hair this undone in the 7 years they had been on the same campus. Maybe Lucas was just that good of a journalist or maybe it was the half-empty bottle of expensive whiskey that was the reason for his loose lips.

“I mean, Sebastian was bad enough, but once he found someone who would willingly dive with him to whatever dangerous expeditions he found interest in and I was outnumbered it was a bloody nightmare.”

For the first time in his life, he felt pity for the man. It was never really a secret why Sebastian didn’t serve half the detention he deserved nor why neither of them had ever been expelled when a trail of evidence led to the both of them red-handed and always at the scene of the crime. But he has to give it to Ominis … a lesser man would’ve cracked at their mischiefs.

“And Sebastian … everybody knows he would’ve willing let himself be target practice for all sorts of curses if she had asked.”

Lucas can’t even defend his childhood hero. Especially, of the things he had learned from his previous subjects. It would seem even the mightiest of men would always buckle in the face of their true love.

“I-I’m sure they’ve done the same for you,” Lucas winced.

“Oh, they better, with the flaming hoops I had to jump through to make sure we graduated alive,” Ominis waved him off indifferently. “They are my best friends. I would follow them to hell but I just wish they would stop going there for one damn semester.”

Lucas snickered, unfortunately unable to hold it in with just how stressed the memory of the mischiefs his favorite couple got up to has brought Ominis. He was sure the older man would choke him but he just sighed out a laugh until the two of them were laughing to each other.

“I guess they have always been the perfect person for each other.”

Ominis nodded, leaning his head on his fist. “Yeah …”

He threw Lucas a look.

“Do you think they won’t make me their children’s godfather if I begged?”

Lucas bit his lips. “My money is on the eldest getting named after you so …”

Ominis groaned.

Lucas refilled his glass.