#Feeling so very much like he's wasted his entire life and never achieved what he owed the world - what he owed himself.

[positivelybeastly]

All of my life I spent searching the words Of poets and saints and prophets and kings And now at the end all I know that I’ve learned Is that all that I know is I don’t know a thing So easy to close off Place the blame outside Hiding in my room at night So terrified All the things I could have been But I never had the nerve Life and love I don’t deserve So all right, all right I’ve had my time Close my eyes Let the death bells chime Bury me in burgundy I just don’t care Nothing’s left I looked everywhere Is this how I die? Was there ever any other way my life could be? Is this how I die? Such a storm of feelings inside of me? But then why am I screaming? Why am I shaking? Oh God, was there something that I missed? Did I squander my divinity? Was happiness within me the whole time?

[bloodbluepearl]

i feel like people don't talk about the impactfulness of swansea immediately ditching his sobriety when he found out that the mouthwash had an alcohol content.

from the very beginning, he was accepting the idea of not getting out of the situation alive.

it takes a strong man to commit to sobriety, especially after 13 years of (presumably) heavy alcoholism, and an even stronger one to remain sober for 15 years, though he hadn't done it for his own enjoyment- that thought of him dead in some ditch somewhere because of some accident or another made while he was drunk out of his mind scared him into it, and pushed him to his decision. he enjoyed his time while drunk, but he knew that he wouldn't make it anywhere in his life and he knew that his time was running out (in many ways: he was getting older, so he would have less of his life left to steer himself in the right direction, and also the amount of alcohol he was drinking could kill him any day at that point, especially as he got older), so he put in the effort to try and 'better' himself- clean himself up, get everything he thinks 'successful' and 'happy' people have, and get sober.

of course, this doesn't make him a happier person, as much as he felt like it should. that was the entire point of his speech before his death- everything he worked for was a lot less exciting when he finally achieved it. but he stayed sober, because he knew that, in a more objective sense, outside of any of his own personal feelings about himself and his life and what he actually enjoyed, he was better off that way. he had more opportunities in life, he could keep a job, and he could maintain his relationships with his wife and kids much better than he could if he was still an alcoholic.

but when the ship crashed, he accepted that it was likely his final resting place, probably from the very beginning. he'd already had his shot at life, he already tried his best to be a model 'functioning member of society', and it was every bit as unfulfilling as it possibly could be. and now he was reaching his mid-life, or even late life. there wasn't much time left for him to be able to try and work toward an invisible goal of 'true happiness', whatever the hell that means. the way he saw it, he'd already lived his whole life. nothing more for him to do.

so when he found out that there was alcohol in the mouthwash, he barely hesitated a second. he drank it because THOSE were the best days of his life. he no longer worried about what kinds of consequences that such a relapse could cause, because at that point it didn't matter. he didn't care about continuing to live his 'model' life because that ship was his grave. he didn't have to worry about how it'd affect the relationship he had with his family, he didn't have to worry about being unable to get a job because he couldn't go half a day without drinking, he didn't have to worry about turning up dead in a ditch because of some mistake caused by his inebriation- it didn't matter in the end. the six months of food supply would run out far before the alcohol could kill him.

he did not for a second consider the possibility of him escaping the ship, even though he was the only person (for the majority of the game) that knew about the working cryo pod. it was never for him- he saw it as being a waste if he got in himself.

he'd already run his course. he would rather save it for someone with more potential to get somewhere in life, someone like daisuke or anya.

[heartysworld]

A Champion's Proposal | Lando Norris x Reader

W.C.: 2.5k

Reblogs and feedback are very much appreciated! Feel free to send requests! 🧡

Masterlist

"Lando Norris rounds the final corner in Monaco, the roar of the crowd almost deafening. It's been a long and arduous journey for the young Brit, facing countless challenges and setbacks. But today, all the hard work, all the perseverance, has finally paid off.

The checkered flag waves as Norris crosses the finish line, and the realization hits – Lando Norris has won the Monaco Grand Prix! What a moment, what a triumph!

This isn't just a win; it's a testament to Lando's incredible spirit and determination. From his karting days to this very moment, every lap, every turn, every sacrifice has led to this unforgettable victory. He's conquered the streets of Monaco, a feat that many drivers dream of but few achieve!"

The atmosphere at the Yas Marina Circuit in Abu Dhabi was electric. The crowd erupted into cheers as Lando Norris crossed the finish line, securing his first Formula 1 World Championship. The roar of the engines mixed with the jubilant cries of fans and team members, creating a symphony of victory. Lando could hardly believe it. He had finally achieved his lifelong dream.

You stood in the McLaren garage, your heart pounding with excitement and pride. The energy around you was palpable, and you could barely contain your joy as you watched Lando bring his car to a stop. This was the moment he had worked so hard for, and you felt incredibly proud of him. You've spent over a decade supporting him in every step towards this exact moments. All the sad and happy tears the two of you had shed over the years were finally worth it.

As Lando climbed out of his car, he wasted no time and ran straight towards his team, and you watched as they congratulated him with high-fives and hugs. Soon, he was hoisted onto someone's shoulders, a huge grin on his face. You couldn't help but smile, your heart swelling with love for your boyfriend who had just achieved his life-long dream.

Lando was then ushered towards the podium for the trophy ceremony. The crowd roared as he took his place on the top step, the gold medal around his neck.

Your teary eyes met his as he searched the crowd of the McLaren team. You mouthed an "I love you" which he seemed to understand quite well as he mouthed back to you "I love you too". You watched with tears in your eyes as the British national anthem played, your heart bursting with pride.

After the anthem, the champagne celebration began. Lando, along with the second and third-place finishers, shook their bottles and sprayed the fizzy liquid everywhere. The sight of Lando, drenched and laughing, made you laugh too. It was a moment of pure joy and triumph.

Once the celebrations on the podium were over, Lando was whisked away for interviews. You watched from the sidelines as he spoke to the media, his face glowing with happiness. His words were full of gratitude for his team, his fans, and for you. He mentioned you several times, and each time, your heart skipped a beat.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Lando made his way back to the garage. He looked at you with that signature smile, the one that always made your heart flutter. Seconds later your body crashed against his as you two finally let it all out. Wrapped around each other's arms you kissed passionately, smiling against Lando's lips as your tears mixed in the kiss. His hands were gripping your waist as if there's no tomorrow, holding his favorite person in the whole entire universe and not wanting to ever let go.

After the high emotions worse off you separated your body from his, finally looking at his teary eyes that sparkled with a type of emotion you've never seen before from him.

"Congratulations, world champion. I am so proud of you." You said as you reached for his cheek, laying s gentle peck on the warm skin of his face.

His bright smile appeared second later as he kissed your forehead. Even though Lando was feeling emotional there was still something very important that he had to do. And that made him nervous, so nervous he barely found words to speak.

"Thank you baby. I love you so much, I couldn't have done it without your support. Thank you thank you thank you." Lando said, burying his head between your neck and collarbone, breathing in the nice floral smell of your perfume that made him go crazy every time his nose caught it in the air around.

You stood there, one of your hands buried in his messy curls that you adored so much while the other hugged Lando around his waist.

A few moments later you boyfriend spoke again, his voice quiet, coming from his hiding spot next to your neck.

"Y/N, there's something I want to show you," Lando said, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he looked at you. "Come, sit in the car."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but you complied, taking his hand as he helped you slide into the driver's seat of his race car. This was something unusual as he'd never done this before or even suggested it. You even though it was forbidden as it might seem as tampering with the car in the steward's eyes.

The seat felt surprisingly comfortable, yet alien. You had always admired the car from a distance, never imagining yourself inside it. Around you, the mechanics and team members exchanged knowing smiles.

"What's going on, Lando?" you asked, your heart pounding. You looked around both confused and worried. Being the center of attention wasn't exactly your favorite thing.

Lando stepped back, when suddenly, Max appeared out of nowhere holding the large sign which they use to announce their driver's finish positions. You squinted,trying to read it as Max slowly lifted it above his head so that the halo wouldn't be in your line of sight. The sign read, in bold letters: "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

Your breath caught in your throat, your shaking hands flying to your mouth as tears welled up in your eyes. You looked back at Lando, who was now kneeling beside the car, a small red,velvet box in his hand.

"Baby, you are my rock, my best friend, and my greatest love and supprter," Lando said, his voice trembling with emotion as his own eyes got teary. "winning the championship means the world to me, but none of it compares to how much I love you. Will you marry me?"

Tears were streaming down your face by the time he finished talking as you nodded vigorously. "Yes! Yes, Lando, of course, I will!"

Everyone around started clapping and congratulating the newly engaged couple.

The crowd, having caught on to what was happening thanks to the live broadcast, erupted into cheers once more. The commentators, caught up in the moment, couldn't contain their excitement.

"Ladies and gentlemen, not only has Lando Norris won his first World Championship today, but he's also just proposed to his girlfriend! And she said yes! What a moment!"

Lando stood up, pulling you out of the car and straight into his arms. He slipped the ring onto your finger, and you shared a kiss that was broadcasted to millions of viewers around the world. The world seemed to fade away as you lost yourself in the moment, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the softness of his lips.

Max, still holding the sign, laughed and joined in the celebrations. "Congratulations, you two! Looks like we have a double win today!"

The entire McLaren team gathered around, clapping and cheering for you and Lando. Surrounded by friends and teammates, you felt the warmth of their love and the joy of your shared moment. The ring on your finger sparkled under the bright lights of the garage, a perfect symbol of the new chapter you were about to begin together.

As the celebrations continued, Lando looked deeply into your eyes, waiting for your reaction to the stunt he just pulled, his heart full.

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Y/N."

"And I can't wait to spend mine with you, Lando," you replied, your smile brighter than ever. "It is very much your style, this whole thing. But that's one of the many reasons I love you." You said as you pecked his cheek once again.

In the midst of victory and love, Lando Norris's proposal had become a moment that neither you nor the world would ever forget. The memories of this day would be etched into your hearts forever, a beautiful beginning to your life together.

[deezneezz]

Leona & ADD

I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!

Anyway, Leona and ADD.

I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).

He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.

Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.

I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.

I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.

She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.

Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers

book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.

"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.

"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.

Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...

Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...

TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.

[elllisaaa]

how txt would confess to you

-> words count : 2.9k words

-> genre : txt members crushing on you, fluff

-> warnings : risks of getting delusional

-> sorry if I made any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | txt masterlist

CHOI YEONJUN - PASSIONATE

he is the embodiment of a drama queen.

but that’s why you’re going along so well after all, and that’s why he’s such a close friend. 

he’s always the first one to want to know everything about the horrible dates you went on, or the dumb guys who tried to rizz you up in some creative ways, to say the least. 

yeonjun always laughs at your stories, but deep down he wants to be the one taking you out on a real date and show you how you should be treated. 

despite knowing about his feelings for a long time, he doesn’t want to tell you and risks losing you. 

so he’s there for you anytime you need, he’s your emergency contact whenever you need to be saved from a tough situation and he even had to pretend to be your fake boyfriend to help you out. 

yeonjun knows how to pretend very well, he doesn’t show anything and still comes to your apartment once a week for “girl’s night” - which consists of putting on some face masks and an uncountable amount of skincare while eating snacks and watching films you already knew by heart. 

he’s also kind of your lifeguard for when both of you go out together. it’s rare but he usually keeps an eye on you so you don't do anything stupid. 

You had left Yeonjun’s sight for about an hour when he found you again, giggling like a maniac with one of your friends, slumped on the couch with a drink in hand. The smile spreading on your face when you noticed him made one blossom on his lips too, and he sat down beside you, one hand coming to wrap around your shoulders. 

“- You’re good ?

- Yes ! I really needed that after the shitty week I had.”

In approximately two seconds, the world around you disappeared and Yeonjun could only see your shining eyes as you were talking about a funny thing that happened to you while you were with your friend. And he was already too drunk to be able to focus on two things at once, his brain choosing to concentrate on the way your lips were moving rather than listening to what you were saying. 

“- Do you trust me ?”

You looked up at him for a while, being a little wasted too, your mind had some trouble understanding every word coming out of his mouth. But in the end, you nodded your head because you did trust him with your life. 

“- Enough to let me do that ?”

Yeonjun’s hand caressed your cheek so softly, you couldn’t help but lean into his touch with delight. Of course you trusted him enough for that. Of course you had wanted him to do that for almost as long as you had known him. So you let him kiss you, let him pull you closer to him. 

“- What was that for, Junnie ?

- Just because you’re you. 

- Stop trying to seduce me.”

But his eyes were telling you that he wouldn’t, and you were in fact more than okay with that.

“- you know that i’m not the best at following the rules. i hope we’ll both remember that tomorrow.”

CHOI SOOBIN - SAD

the sweetest and most caring friend you could ever imagine, it’s him. 

he’s the kind of friend who knows you better than yourself and that will bring you food when you’re hungry even if you didn’t tell him about it.

he’s also the kind of friend you can spend entire days with without talking much, just watching series together and scrolling on your phone because you’re that comfortable with each other. 

but it goes both ways because you’re always here for soobin too. 

you have known each other for a long time, even before he became an idol, and you’ve been here for him since the start, never doubting that he will make it, and soobin is really grateful for that. 

you’re his first supporter, and he’s yours too.

that means he also makes sure that you never compare your achievements to his because you’re just as successful in your field, and you’re just as passionate about your job.

but he sure is under a lot of pressure and it leads to him often coming to you when he’s in a bad mood.

“- You’re already here ? 

- I told you I was only five minutes away !”

Soobin smiled to himself as he unlocked the door for you. You were always right here when he called you, and it warmed his heart to know that you would be here for him anytime. As soon as you put a foot inside, you opened your arms for him to hug you, and he fell into your embrace with ease, a sense of relief washing over him when you started to run your hands through his hair. 

“- You wanna talk or eat first ?

- Eat. I’ve barely had the time to have something today.”

You sighed, but you were used to hearing him tell you that he skipped meals because he didn’t have the time, because he was too tired to think about eating, because he was so overworked sometimes. You never stopped worrying about him, but you were always here to bring him everything he needed. You sat him down on the couch, emptying your grocery bags on the table, several snacks and takeouts spilling out.

“- Choose what you want, I’ll take the rest.”

Soobin was used to it by now. At first, he felt guilty to “force” you to do such things for him, but the comfort it brought him was worth it. He grabbed a bag of his favorite chips, and some ramen while you opened your bottle of iced tea. You ate in almost complete silence, sometimes laughing about a thing or two, but you knew Soobin also needed some calm after these complicated days. 

“- Y/N ?”

You turned around to face him as best as you could from your place on the floor, one of your hands resting against his thigh. He seemed even much taller when he was sitting on the couch like that, but his sad eyes made him look so much smaller to you. 

“- Do you think I’m a good leader ? Do you think they made the right choice ? 

- Of course, Soob. They made the best choice. You’re doing an amazing job, I don’t think you even realize how much the guys rely on you, and how much you help them on a daily basis. And you even find the time to listen to me ramble about my shitty coworkers, so that says a lot about how perfect you are for this job.”

You could’ve gone on and on about every little thing that made him an incredible human being, but Soobin’s lips on yours stopped you from doing exactly that. But you weren’t going to complain when you’ve dreamt about this moment for so long.

“- i’ve been wanting to do that for so long… will you be my girlfriend ?”

CHOI BEOMGYU - POUTY

playful and teasing you constantly. 

and the more feelings he has for you, the more he’s gonna annoy you - it’s his way to get your attention all for him.

he’s always here to poke fun at you, even more when it’s about embarrassing things because your cheeks turn red and he finds it adorable.

however, beomgyu knows when he has to stop and where’s the limits because the last thing he wants is to hurt you or make you feel like he doesn’t take into consideration your feelings.

i think everyone knows that he’s in love with you before he realizes it, and his hyungs kind of have to push him in the right direction for him to have an epiphany. 

the moment he realizes he has been in love with you all along, he tries to keep up his behavior, but the blush spreading on his cheeks everytime you touch him or praise him is even worse than before. 

it’s honestly very cute, and you sometimes do it on purpose because watching his usually confident self stumbling over his words is charming. 

nonetheless, beomgyu would want to confess so you can reject him and he can move on - because you cannot have a crush on him when you’re literally a goddess and he’s a loser.

so when you actually tell him that you love him first, he’s gonna be pouting like a child.

“- What did you want to talk about ?”

You took a deep breath, trying to lower your heartbeat a little. You had planned on telling him all about your feelings for days, you thought you were prepared well enough, but the way you were panicking right now was clearly a sign that you were not ready. But you had to do it right now, or you would lose your courage forever. 

“- Uh… It’s a little personal, and you can just send me off if you’re not comfortable, okay ?

- Okay… You’re scaring me, Y/N !”

Well, it was scary for you too. You couldn’t cross his eyes without feeling the urge to run away. Beomgyu’s suspicious gaze also did nothing to reassure you. But you really had to do it. 

“- It’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but I was too much of a coward, you know me. Well… I kind of have the biggest crush on you, you see ? And I know you probably don’t feel the same about me, and it’s okay, really, I just don’t want to lose you as a friend, you know. You’re really important to me, and if you need some space, or time to think, you can have it. I just wanted to let you know that I love you. And, uh… That’s it.”

You wanted to slap yourself for being so awkward. You wanted to die when you saw the pout on his face, as if he was disappointed in you. Of course, you should’ve guessed that someone as amazing as Beomgyu couldn’t have feelings for you. You were almost ready to turn away and spend the next three days crying in your room when he pulled you into his arms, his head nuzzling against your neck. 

“- It’s not fair ! 

- W-What ?

- You’re not funny, I wanted to confess first. Is it always gonna be like that, uh ? You’re going to take all the decisions for me ? 

- I don’t understand, Gyu…”

Well, you had understood, but you wanted to be sure before letting the butterflies come alive in your stomach. Beomgyu took you by your shoulders, rolling his eyes as if you were dumb, but you knew he was just teasing, his cheeks and neck all red telling everything his words couldn’t. 

“- i like you too, idiot. and let me tell you, i’m not gonna let you propose to me, i’ll be the one to do it.”

KANG TAEHYUN - HELPLESS

he’s silent, quiet and calm - kind of a focal point you know will always be here. 

you are the first person he mentions every time he’s meeting someone new because you’re the first thing that comes into his mind when we’re talking about love. 

it started with a friendly love, a relationship that built up slowly, based on trust and honesty.

and then, taehyun started to feel something more. it took him some time to figure out why he wanted to be with you all the time. 

he’s the type to be silently taking care of you with little gestures or gifts rather than with words - paying for you when you go out together, putting his hands around the corners when you’re near something he considers dangerous or giving you his jacket when you’re cold. 

but taehyun values your friendship too much to dare and break it : he wants to make sure that the feelings are mutual before confessing.

and not gonna lie, it would take him years to actually do it. 

plus he also wanna make sure that these feelings are not just a pointless crush or a very close friendship. 

but when he starts to become jealous of every guy that tries to ask you out, he has to be realistic and admit that he is really in love with you.

what’s more intriguing though is that you’ve never been on that many dates since you’ve known him…

“- Can I ask you something ?”

You nodded without looking at Taehyun directly, too focused on trying to cut the muffin he ordered for the both of you in half perfectly. 

“- If it’s too personal you can totally have that all for yourself.”

That was becoming way more interesting, so you let down the knife, looking up to cross your friend’s eyes. And contrary to his usually calm and collected demeanor, he seemed agitated, anxious. It rarely occurred, and it immediately worried you, the tone of this hangout becoming way more serious all of sudden. 

“- Why do I never see you going out on dates ? We’ve been friends for years and you’ve never introduced me to any guy.”

You could feel that he tried to be casual about this subject, but you had known him for too long to not know when he was completely serious. You straightened in your chair, trying to find an excuse, but maybe it was finally time to tell the truth ? Maybe it was finally time to tell him the only thing you’ve never confessed to him ?

“- Can I be honest, Tae ?

- Of course, you can always be honest with me, you know that.”

You nodded and took a deep breath. The time had come. Your eyes fell into his curious ones, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

“- I don’t date because I’m already in love with someone.”

The admission lifted a weight off of your shoulders, but waiting for his answer was even more nerve-wrecking. 

“- That’s why I’ve never introduced you to any girls. Because I’m in love with you.”

The smile that blossomed on both of your faces was unmistakable, and you felt like you could fly right now. That was how he always made you feel - like everything was possible. And you never wanted this feeling to stop.

“- i can’t believe it took me years to realize that. i’m going to make it worth the wait, i promise.”

HUENING KAI - ENERGETIC

he’s such a cutie patootie, i’m dying (who could’ve guessed he was my bias ?)

i can’t even start to express how sweet this guy is because he has a fucking collection of plushies, how can he do any wrong in this world, please protect him at all costs !!

that being said, i feel like he’s such a great listener. 

anytime you need to vent about something that happened, he lets you do it and cry on his shoulder. 

he doesn’t even need to do anything to make you feel better, his mere presence is enough, and it also goes the other way around.

the ultimate proof of his trust in you is that you always have one of his plushies with you at home, under the condition that you have to send him some photos - it’s an excuse to nourish his folder of cute photos of you he has in his phone.

you’re definitely his lockscreen and he feels a strange rush of happiness when people ask him if you’re his girlfriend. 

his hyungs would watch the two of you interact while facepalming internally because how can kai be so blind to the adoration in your eyes when you look at him ?

the realization that he’s in love with you will hit him like a truck one day, while he’s simply looking at you while he’s trying to teach you how to play some of his favorite video games.

“- Why are you looking at me like that ? Do I have something on my face ?”

But Kai wasn’t able to answer right away. Why did he only realize how much he liked you now ? How did he spend so much time without being hit by the fact that you were literally the love of his life ? Of course, he always knew you were incredibly pretty. Of course, he always knew something in him reacted like a teenager in front of his crush whenever he was with you, because he couldn’t help the blush creeping up his neck when you praised him for his voice or his dance skills. 

“- Kai ? Is everything alright ?”

You shook your hand in front of his eyes for a few seconds, and that seemed to be enough to make him come back to reality because he grabbed your hand in his, his eyes fixed in yours. 

“- I think I’m in love with you.”

The confession was so sudden, so unexpected, that it was your turn to be completely silent and not know what to say. You opened your mouth and closed it a few times without being able to produce any sound.

“- Ah, don’t look at me like that, Y/N, you’re making me anxious.”

The truth was that Kai was certainly even more panicked than you. He never meant to tell you that, he never meant to let the words out, but when he felt your body colliding with his, his mind was immediately eased. 

“- You’re dumb if you think I’m gonna pass on the opportunity to be with you. I’ve been waiting for you to confess.”

Kai hid his smile against your shoulder, completely forgetting about the game still playing as a background noise on his computer screen.

“- i’m sorry, i’ve been a little slow. will you forgive me if i take you out on a date.”

-> i don't allow copies, reblogs or translations of my work.

txt taglist (fill in this to be added) :

@bbgnyx @hann1bee @snouvllvg @foxinnie8 @lichyuu

[obeymematches]

♡How to keep Satan obsessed♡

Yall been liking my posts from 2021 and it reminded me that i started doing this series-

● Okay the worst thing you can do is try to control him. Tell him what to do and how to do it and that's the last straw before he loses interest. Yes he is very independent and he loves his freedom. Telling him to "text/call when you get there" is also more negative than positive.

● Regarding independence, he also prefers you being your own person, not really depending on him. See you don't have to be a houseowner, you don't have to ask him for permission to spend time together, that's not what I mean, but if you center your life around him he is going to feel overwhelmed.

● He also has a hard time tolerating jealousy. Aren't you grown? Don't you trust him? Why do you have to make a fuss? You are supposed to know him better than this. He would never cheat on you even if his hands are forced to. He doesn't like anyone so if he likes you; you are supposed to feel special & not attack him with things that didn't even happen. Peak stupidity in his eyes.

● Pretending to listen to him but not actually paying attention; instead of that just tell him you don't care, something else is occupying your mind right now and he is being too much. That sounds rude but it is still better than him wasting his breath. He gladly comforts you if you are actually upset; or if you just genuinely don't care it's better that he knows.

● Keep your interactions with people he dislikes to the bare minimum. It might be better for his soul to heal and make peace in the long run - but you are not supposed to force him! You have nothing to do with his beef in any of the cases. Let him be his own man in his own pace. He might never forgive someone and that's also ok! Don't try to change him; but if he needs it be there to support him!

● With him you'll need good communication skills. Being passive aggressive turns him off quickly. Don't even think of the silent treatment. He'll just break up then and there. If you are upset with him/anything and need to be left alone to think for a while, just tell him exactly that! Good communication also includes telling him with your own words that you love and appreciate him! Makes him feel confident! Reassurance is always a good point!

● He definitely enjoys well-thought-of surprises. It could be a handmade gift, doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Just spoil him from time to time, it really does make him feel appreciated!

● idk how to put this but i think he doesn't like horoscopes and crystals as he is trying to be the most rational person to ever exist, so he doesn't like topics like these at all. Personality types are on thin ice also. It's not a total turn-off for him but if you base your entire life around these things he is not going to be interested for long.

● I think it is obvious but he likes his partner to have opinion on lots of things. Hold a proper conversation about intellectual stuff. You don't have to have ambitions or things to achieve in life but if you usually reply "i dunno about that", "never-ever heard of it", that's not gonna end well.

●Yes he is introverted but that doesn't mean he sits at home 24/7 - sometimes he loves going to places, doing and experiencing life, and if he constantly has to nag you to go on a date he is going to get bored fast. It's OK if sometimes you'd rather stay in, don't get me wrong, but literally never going anywhere/only going if he argues about it, is a red flag.

[itsclydebitches]

Jonelias thought of the day is that Elias must come across as so stuffy and boring to those at the Institute - which, you know, very much helps hide his true nature - but as an avatar of the Eye and a man determined to avoid the End, Elias is someone whose entire being revolves around the interplay of knowledge and experiences. He's compelled to Know it all and his efforts to avoid death invite him to Experience it all too, a fascinating combination of passive observer and, by virtue of being a 200+ year-old in search of true immortality, an active participant too. This is a man whose longevity and thirst for knowledge invites an obsession with life that contradicts the 'Sits in his office doing nothing but spreadsheets all day' image he's learned to cultivate. (Though, to be clear, he does love the spreadsheets.) And I don't just mean "obsession with life" in the sense of him avoiding the finality of death, but actually loving the act of being alive.

I think a lot of what the fandom (rightly) jokes about in regards to his characterization is a reflection of that obsession. Elias has a relationship with Peter Lukas that goes far beyond the cold practicality of an alliance, hinting at a romance (if you steer towards a LonelyEyes reading), or just Elias' desire to still be able to place bets with someone while he's trying to end the world. Similarly, his powers ensure that he's never truly alone - if he dies, he takes the rest of the Archive with him - forever supplying him with a warped companionship that doesn't threaten him like he perceives he was threatened as Jonah Magnus, with his acquaintances working to complete their own rituals. In true Beholding style, he's got the heart of a fucked-up scientist who's endlessly curious about the world around him: 'Oooh what happens if I let my friend waste away in the Lonely?' He shows up at Jon's birthday party not just to secretly gloat and keep an eye on things (ha), but because he legitimately wants cake. Who wouldn't want cake? What's the point of living forever if you can't have cake?? Well, for an avatar the exquisite sweetness of fear is just as good, but my point stands. Beyond his fear of death, that enjoyment is at the heart of Elias' goal, with Jon describing his experience as the Pupil as a kind of agonized bliss and Elias confirming this by saying he was having the most wonderful dream. Morality aside, he likes interacting with the horror of the Entities, something we saw all the way back during the "[PLEASURED EXHALATION]" scene. Learning new things feels good. Experiencing news things is enjoyable. Learning and experiencing Bad Things is especially nice given his patron. Consistently, Elias' setbacks are met with interest, or a mild annoyance that then eventually settles into satisfaction because they are also new experiences for him and the Eye: going to jail, getting to psychologically torture Martin, having his own secrets exposed. There's a lot throughout the series to imply that Elias enjoys watching Jon become the Key, not just because it means he's succeeding in his goals, but because there's genuine interest and pride in seeing him "grow" by Elias' standards. The repetition of "our world," "our patron," etc. implies a connection; the intention to experience this new world with another, to enjoy it rather than simply exist in it for the mere sake of existence. Elias is a man whose entire essence boils down to, "I NEED TO KNOW ALL THE THINGS, EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING, AND LIVE FOREVER WHILE ACHIEVING THAT, TO UNDERSTAND IT ALL SO I CAN CONTROL IT ALL AND HAVE A DAMN GOOD TIME IN THE PROCESS, EVEN WHILE I SUCCUMB TO THE PRIMAL FEAR THAT DRIVES ME I WILL PARADOXICALLY EMBRACE IT, AND YEAH THAT'S LARGELY BECAUSE I SERVE THE LITERAL GOD OF JUDGY SURVEILLANCE BUT ALSO THAT'S JUST ME."

So anyway, I keep thinking about how this characterization could intersect with S1-2 Jon: prickly, awkward, semi-isolated, desperate to be recognized by someone whose authority he believes in. AKA the boss who, at an unprecedented young age, rose to the top of the Institute they both work at, perceived by those around him as far less interesting than he actually is. Parallels, anyone? Imagine Jon getting to really talk to Elias, realizing how much he has to offer after 200 years of life (though of course he doesn't know that), and just constantly being blindsided by not just the knowledge, but the enthusiasm for everything he's learned and been through - the good and the horrifyingly awful that, despite himself, Jon is equally drawn to. Elias recognizes every quote Jon drops into a conversation and has another witty line to pair it with. He doesn't just indulge his nerdy rambles, but participates in them. He's refined in all the ways that Jon expects - books, opera, music, etc. - and also casually drops in references to acid trips and fucking orgies. Imagine an early series Jon who forms a strong bond with Elias outside of the web (ha x2) he's been weaving, becoming dependent on his friendship and just a little bit completely in love. Elias is inherently fascinating, but he's also just Some Guy, and the combination of that is just perfect for a necrotic Archivist who simultaneously wants to be guided by his 'betters' and prove that he's an equal. Why Elias would be interested in turn barely needs stating: Jon is literally Elias' everything, in a horrifyingly tragic and like, Gothic Romance sense? What would that kind of relationship have changed? It would have likely made Elias' job even easier, but what about Jon?

...I'm not saying that Jon's drive to protect humanity would have been warped into something tragically dangerous if he'd first come to see his intelligent, complex, shockingly kind (from his nonexistent self-esteem POV), secretly-an-eldritch-monster boss as the epitome of humanity... but I'm also not saying it couldn't have!

[aquarii-if]

I was about to ask for Vega hand and a question popped in my head, who of the ro would propose first, who would wait for the MC to propose first and who just dont believe in marriage/wouldnt want to be married?

Aww, this is a sweet ask. ❤️❤️

Liviana- Liviana is all for getting married, but I don’t think a proposal with her would be that surprising. She’s perfectly fine with proposing or being proposed to, but being the queen of an entire galaxy requires a lot of planning on pretty much everything she does. I’d imagine MC and her would have had a long conversation about a marriage between them, mostly with Liviana explaining the expectations and rules MC will have to learn and follow after becoming royalty. If MC is still sure that they want to marry Liviana, it’s mostly a matter of whoever decides to propose first.

Amare- Amare would prefer proposing. He’s not against being proposed to, but he’s kind of a traditional man thanks to the environment he was raised in. Obviously, he’s all for marriage, and would probably be the one to bring up the topic to MC first. However, I think he’d be a bit taken aback if MC didn’t want to get married. He’s been raised with the thought that one day he will be married, maybe with a family, and he’s spent most of his life preparing for that. So while he would be okay with never getting married, it’d take a bit for him to adjust to that realization.

Estelle- Estelle has always hated marriage, she’s never seen the point in it and viewed it as a waste of time since all of the marriages she’s been around eventually failed. But with MC… I think she’d be willing to navigate marriage with them. They’d have to take things slow with her, since she doesn’t have a good idea of what a healthy marriage is supposed to look like, but for MC she’s willing to put in the effort to achieve that. I think it’s best to let Estelle propose, however, because it allows her to do it in her own time and she doesn’t feel rushed or pressured. MC proposing might make her feel rushed or even make her feel like she’s being put on the spot and can’t say no, but that depends on where MC proposes. Still, as long as MC doesn’t make her feel pressured, she’d be perfectly fine with being proposed to and being married.

Ellery- Ellery is all for marriage, but he’d also be okay with not being married. Unlike the others, he has a very neutral view on marriage. He’s seen marriages succeed and marriages fail, and I think he has a pretty good idea on what the perfect marriage requires to be successful. He’d prefer to be proposed to, since it would take him a very long time to work up the courage to propose to MC. But if MC is willing to be patient, Ellery would be more than happy to propose to them instead.

Vega- Vega isn’t against marriage, but they aren’t all for it either. If MC really wants to get married, then Vega would oblige because they want to see MC happy, but they won’t bring up the topic if MC doesn’t. They’ve just never put much thought into marriage. While Vega would love if MC proposed to them, I also think it would be a really sweet moment seeing Vega be the one to propose. Proposing takes a lot of courage, and you’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable position. You’re basically professing your love all over again and putting your heart on the line for one other person. I think if Vega proposed, MC would get to see a different side of Vega, and it would make for a very eye opening scene for both parties.

[youremyheaven]

Talking about films, The Shawshank Redemption feels like a Saturnian film to me. As I near the end of my Shani Mahadasha, I reflect on the lessons of Saturn. The lead character's life sentence for a crime he didn’t commit mirrors how Saturn punishes you for past karmas, making the Mahadasha itself feel like being in jail—constantly monitored, living in fear of punishment, and doing thankless jobs, all while questioning what you did wrong. Throughout his prison life, he faced significant challenges that would traumatize anyone. However, he had to keep his head down, work honestly, do his daily chores, and consistently dig his tunnel for 19 years, one step at a time. In the end, his perseverance paid off—he escaped and took the illegal money he had laundered for his warden as a finance guy, reaping the rewards for his honest efforts. Time moves very slowly during this period, often leaving you lost in your thoughts, reassessing your entire life by recalling and reflecting on past events. To distract yourself, you must stay busy with physical or mental activities. For every wrong action, he was sent to 'the hole,' a solitary prison with no light, signifying even harsher punishments for wrongful acts during Saturn Mahadasha. You can’t live freely during this Mahadasha; any attempt to do so is met with external resistance. Reflecting on my time during this Dasha, I realized the many similarities between the film and Saturn Mahadasha. It just clicked one day, and I felt like sharing. Overall it's no doubt an uncomfortable period but brings on massive and permanent character development

😭😭😭BESTIEEEE 😭😭😭

Shawshank is one of the first "grown up" films I watched in my early teens and it had a very profound impact on me. So seeing you mention it and compare it to Saturn MD really hit home 🥺

Thank you so much for sharing 🥺

I'm curious about where your Saturn is??

Everybody experiences their dasha differently so I hope nobody's discouraged reading this. It does not have to be as brutal. It can be but honestly through great difficulty, we achieve greatness ✨ nothing in life is easy and if you must suffer, you can suffer during any dasha. But that said, yes, Saturn is a tough one.

It reminds me of the song One of the Girls by Jennie, The Weeknd & Lily Rose Depp. All three of them have Vishaka in their big 3 and that song is super Vishaka/Jupiter coded

When Jennie sings "top of the world but I'm still not free, this is a secret that I keep, until it's gone, I can never find peace, waste my whole life, just to be" ,, she was talking about Saturn mahadasha ya'll 🤣🤣🤣😭

The lyrics really hit home because for the majority of Jennie's career, she was actually going through her Saturn MD and she's also Saturn atmakaraka and girlie has truly endured so much 😪

[cosmo-clown]

You were literally who I was looking for:

Infodump in Dust AND Blueprint

OKAY BUT I WILL WARN YOU MY BLUEPRINT IS THE OPPOSITE OF HOW I TREAT DUST

I try to be very close to canon with dust,,,, i read through the whole blog (post hopefullylyyy coming soon still need to write it but due to reasons i might not get it done for a while college is so hard chat but i will try to get it out as soon as i can!! i have not forgotten!!!!)

DUST IS JUST REALLY SAD. REALLY DEPRESSED LITTLE GUY. he is miserable every day of his silly little life whether he’s having a good time or not he will always find a way to bring himself back into his own misery. he can never be happy with himself and what he’s done and the guilt of his actions will always haunt him and his hallucinations will loom above him reminding him that he’s a terrible person who can never achieve redemption, and even if he could he doesn’t deserve to be happy in the slightest. he treats himself like absolute shit when the player gives up on his timeline and lets himself waste away (and when nightmare picks him up, this doesn’t change, he just becomes nightmare’s little depression purse, like how dream gets energy from people cheering him on nightmare carries this depressed lump of a skeleton as an energy source)

i think thats canon-adjacent enough,, i think dust would fight against these things but i think he loses eventually,, not much you can really do against a god of negativity,,

BLUEPRINT on the other hand is. entirely headcanon. basically every detail has either been maassively editted or changed. i have reference sheets but i’m literally self conscious idk if i should post them yet.,, the arts olddd i probably need to redraw it

i’ll be drawing him over on @ask-fruit-punch when we start up again BUT as a treat here are some silly fun facts!! (more where this comes from i’ve been fixating for about a year now please save me)

-unlike canon, writing is something he actively enjoys and does, and he always has a notebook in his hands

-he is soulless!! he cannot feel emotions naturally and he’s a bit different to how ink is because [redacted]

-he’s twins with palette

-his paint inflicts poison damage!!

-he lives in the omega timeline :]

-more coming soon~~ he’s actually my favorite i have a whole redesign for whiteprint too plus like a bajillion aus of this guy please talk to me about him i’ll never stop (but also dont because i gotta save this for the cool ask blog!!) (but also please plase plase do i’ll scream and cry and throw things around my room /pos)

[maxwell-grant]

🔥 The Bat!Joker ship

I don't think the Joker actually has much to say about Batman as a person or that he works as a meaningful tragic dark mirror to Bruce Wayne (in fact why would he, he actively does not want to know shit about Bruce Wayne or whatever he himself used to be before he flattened himself into the Joker), and the idea that he needs to inspired far more boring, shallow, self-obsessed and bad Batman stories than good ones. Even The Killing Joke, which I do like, only pulled it off by giving the Joker an entire origin story and an endpoint and had to outright make him break character for good in-text for the parallel to be achieved in the end. Joker is one of the most versatile villains of all time, but I don't think he lends himself well into being a leading character of complex and personal character drama, and they basically have to reconstruct him from scratch and or/make a new character out of him everytime they do that (the Telltale games, Joker 2019, whatever the fuck White Knight was going for). It's a waste of every other character you could be applying that effort into AND it's a waste of what already makes the Batman x Joker dynamic great (also frequently means he's doing bad retreads of material Two-Face is way more suited for but that's another topic)

I don't really ship Batman with anybody personally (I'm onboard for a compelling pitch if presented but shipping is not a thing I really care about much), but I do find myself compelled by and rejecting Batman x Joker in equal measure because, in a way, it's too "perfect". Nobody gives Bruce more permission to exist and be Batman than the Joker does. Nobody is as tailor-made perfect a justification for his life's work, and thus himself, than the Joker is. Nobody accepts, and wants, the existence of Batman the way the Joker does. This absolutely does not go both ways, but Bruce knows he concedes the clown more leg room into his life with every repeat engagement, he can't deny the part Joker plays in his world.

They clearly belong together as much as they could possibly belong with anyone within their stupid futile forever battle. But the thing is, if you close the gap on that battle, that's it for them. It's the end of the line. Batman and Joker already work very similar to how romance stories work: you have to pile more and more bullshit obstacles between your characters to overcome, because when they're done, and they get together for good, that's the end of the story. It's about the yearning and the overcoming, the consumation is where it ends.

I feel like having these two get involved romantically or sexually just puts a finishing dot on the billion and one ways they already dance around the matter. It's the same problem with Joker figuring out Batman's identity elevated a thousand fold, it just ruins the game, and then what else do they have? Worse, it makes it so one of them wins, because one will have made it official, and the other will have to compromise foundationally to cede room for the other, and thus there's a win that can never be walked back. That can be very compelling stuff, but also, you ended the game between Batman and the Joker, and worse, you did it with one of them having a clear victory over the other. Not saying it can't be done, not even saying it shouldn't be done, but it's not the kind of thing you do lightly, and it's not something you do if you want to keep telliing Batman x Joker stories afterwards.

[senka-mesecine]

How do you think Barnes would react to nurse who caught his eye already having a relationship with someone like Gator, Chris or maybe even bunny?

-

You know what war produces plenty of? Widows.

Abandoned significant others.

Potentially broken up families.

The person of interest doesn't even have to be a nurse; could be a civilian. Could be someone said soldier(s) meet on R&R, could be a spouse, hey, could even be a sweetheart from a picture tucked into someone's breast pocket or locket --- could be a pen pal they've never even met; Barnes wants what he wants and the individual on the receiving end of your affection might just also mysteriously find themselves on the receiving end of a whole lot of tasks given as a direct order by the Staff Sergeant and said tasks might just be high risk or downright dangerous, as a mother of all coincidences. Can't refuse a direct order. Not without a court martial looming over your head for disobedience --- so Barnes is here deliberately weeding out the opposition by doing what he simply does every day; dishing out authority, notwithstanding the fact that I envision the man as incredibly jaded, cynical and bitter. Someone else in love just makes him roll his eyes. Say, someone like Gator, Chris or Bunny's in a happy relationship? They make a show of it? Or worse yet, they're secretive about it to the degree Barnes notices the conspiratorial behavior? Unrealistic! Waste of time! A folly of the childish and deluded! It's almost like the man wants to punish them for having their heads ''in the clouds'' or being idealistic over anything at all. For having something distracting them from the business of war.

For making them soft, the way he'd see it.

-"Y'all focus on the here and now!"- He might announce openly, as a memo.

-"Crap from the World belongs back in the World, not out here where there's shootin'. Gettin' your balls blown clean off over a letter."-

(In present day jargon, put away the damn phones, kids and pay attention to the homework).

Worst is, Barnes entirely means those words. He believes in them.

Sees love as a distraction all while simultaneously coveting it.

And hating the fact he does.

The soldier Barnes has it in for might not necessarily die per se because he'd view that as a waste of troops and I doubt he exactly likes that (in fact, he was shown to not like that) but they'll certainly go through so much trauma and unease Barnes hopes to god it cures them of their need for anything from the outside world, including you. By the time he's done with them, and by the time this war's done with them, they'll break it off with you on their own or simply disappear from your life; in modern terminology, go ghost on you --- a feeling Barnes very well understands, having been in The 'Nam for how many years now? Irony of all ironies, Barnes conducts said series of punishment and hardass behavior by effectively breaking up the relationship all while hiding his efforts under the facade of military strictness. And once the targeted soldier is so jaded themselves they've no interest left in love? The task is complete. Barnes might not make a move on the abandoned significant other himself immediately, but the fact that the path to them is open? That whatever rival he had is gone? That he achieved this? He already sees them as his in so many ways, it's just that they, the soldier they've broken up with and nobody else knows it yet. Barnes is a general destroyer of happiness and creator of misery; messes up someone else's joy and then goes and claims said joy for himself all while putting up a general front how he's 'above that shit'. He isn't, in fact, above that shit. He'd outright kill for that shit and if push came to shove and disciplinary measures and burdening the particular private he's made a covert enemy of doesn't cut it, flat out fragging will.

[loganscroftersstash]

Isn't That Us On That Poster?

hihi back at you with another logan centric fic bc. brainrot. i am so normal abt him and orange. teehee.

i purposefully left him unnamed for multiple reasons soooo yeah!!! i've had this idea since i saw this post by@volno-pesh. its been on my mind. literally since i first saw it. this is just inspired by that post a little bit (a lot. i did make a whole scene out of one of the pieces of art they made.. and used the lyric from the same song they did.. BUT YEAH) sooo feel free to go enjoy that art!! bc its so <333

Summary: Logan doesn't like his counterpart very much. Pairing: Logan & Orange Side (platonic) Word Count: 2042 Tags: Hurt/No Comfort, Logan-centric, angst :3

enjoy!! (crossposted on ao3!)

A fluke was all it was. Logan never lost control like that. He’s had outbursts before— poor puppet Roman bore the brunt of it, he hardly ever got so violent— but this? He’s never…

The moment lingers in his mind like the taste of iron in his mouth, replaying over and over again. Logan felt more like Anxiety than he did Logic, right now. What was Remus going to do with this? Was he going to do anything? Maybe he’d blackmail Logan, use the information to get him to do his dirty work or evil bidding, or maybe he wouldn’t do anything. There was no reason for what he did, he just did, after all. But the very thought that Remus had witnessed it made Logan’s stomach twist and turn.

As he watches Thomas rush out the door and trip over boxes, and gives one last look over to the mess of the apartment, he sinks out, defeated. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. This was his day. His day to help, to get through to Thomas and help him better achieve the best life he can possibly live. After all the hard work he’s done getting him organized, helping him and the others rationalize his intrusive thoughts— all the work that went into the very creation of the schedule itself! He’d done so much for so little and he was going to be demonized for getting upset with the fact that maybe, just maybe, he wanted a little recognition for once. Was it so much to ask for a thank you? If it was up to Patton it’d be mandated, if the Redux he was pulled from was any indication.

He rose back up in his room, feeling exhaustion slowly crawl up his spine and lay over him like a blanket made of lead. Logan knew he only had a minute or two to gather himself, collect his thoughts, and dry his eyes from the angry tears that threatened to spill over. He tossed his planner aside, for once uncaring of the way the pages landed sporadically on the bed and were sure to crease randomly, and took his glasses off. He set them on his dresser and pinched the bridge of his nose, moving his thumb and pointer finger up to rub at his temples as he let out a long sigh.

He was so tired...

Logan didn’t have time to be tired, though. He had a job and that was more important than his own exhaustion. He had to make sure that this little venture to the park was at least worth abandoning the entire day they’d planned out.

After a few long, arduous hours of watching, they’d finally been able to go home. Although the others were thrilled with not only the event but also the outcome, Logan just found himself feeling more bitter than he would’ve liked. He knew it was immature and a waste of time to hold a grudge… so he told himself not to.

Logan sank out, that same lead blanket weighing him down even more as he rises back up into his room. It holds him down as he trudges to his bathroom, flicking on the light and wincing at the usually welcome fluorescent lighting. He examines himself in the mirror, noting the slightly darker eye bags and the tousled hair, probably from him running his hands through it too much.

He takes off his glasses and sets them down, rubbing his eyes. He twists the cold tap on the sink and calmly watches as water flows from the faucet, hitting the white porcelain just loud enough to temporarily drown out his thoughts. He cups his hands beneath it and watches as they fill with water, before he leans down and splashes his face with it. The water makes him feel a little bit better, even if just for a moment. Logan repeats this twice more before he takes a towel, gently patting his face dry before he sets it down. He grabs his glasses and reframes them on his face, glancing up at his reflection once more before he flicks off the light. He closes the door to the bathroom and turns to face his bed again, only to be met with a figure clad in bright orange.

Logan jumps, his left hand bracing against the doorknob behind him and earning a chuckle from the other side. “Oh, Logan. Not expecting my visit?”

Logan glares at him. He’s still exhausted, even more so now after the date, but he couldn’t go to sleep with this… “What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing.” He grinned, baring his teeth in a way that only read as predatory to Logan. Like he’d tear him apart if he was given the very chance. “Just wanted to see you.”

An unlikely occurrence, Logan thinks. Either Janus didn’t care to show up or he was being truthful. “I’ll pretend that’s true. What is it that you really want?”

“To check in on you after what happened up there, silly!” He grinned, tilting his head as he spoke. “You put on quite a show… what a shame Thomas didn’t get to see the fireworks.”

Logan narrows his gaze. He’s doing his best to pick apart his words and dissect his mannerisms, but this bastard is too hard for him to read. If only he knew more about how or why he worked.. “It is not a shame. If Thomas had seen, that would create an even bigger rift between the two of us. I cannot create anymore metaphorical distance between us as he’s already having a hard time listening to me as it is. Furthermore, Thomas is already reeling from the revealing of Remus and Janus, you do not need to be added to the l—”

He burst out laughing, arms crossed over his chest as he did so. “Oh, Logan.” He murmured, shaking his head. “You’re positively adorable. You know that? You try so, so hard.” He rises from his spot on the other side’s bed, and Logan notes that the planner from earlier is still in ruin behind them, and crosses the room to stand directly in front of him. “And yet, you still fail time and time again?”

Logan hates how it gets to him. He knows that’s what he wants: to upset and get another rise out of him so he can take influence over him once more. Logan can’t let that happen. “I did not fail. Thomas redirected his attention to a task he deemed more important, and the other sides agreed. Our viewpoints did not align, but we still got some work accomplished today.”

“Oh, is that how you’d describe it?” He laughs, shaking his head. “Because personally, to me it looked more like Thomas tossing you to the side yet again, and you letting him.” He grinned, but there was no joy behind it. Amusement, more like. “Doesn’t that hurt, Logan? Make you angry?”

“You are trying to get a rise out of me; I am going to continue to ignore you.” Logan removed himself from between the orange clad side and the door, instead walking towards his dresser. “Sure, I wish the others would appreciate my work more, but that does not mean I get to stop working completely and take it out on them. Outbursts get me nowhere.”

“I disagree. But, to each their own,” The other hummed, leaning against the very door he’d just had Logan trapped by. “But… you wouldn’t have to keep having outbursts like this if you quit dealing with their bullshit.”

Logan sighs. This is typical. “Your crude words mean nothing.”

“Words, crude or not, mean everything, Logan. You of all sides should know that.” He smiled again, baring his teeth in a way that Logan just despises in the deepest pits of his stomach. “Unless they’re yours.”

Logan turns from his place at the dresser, cut off once more, “Don’t you get tired, Logan? They’ve stopped caring about you,” He begins to walk over, slowly. “When you started out in these silly little videos, you were so… expressive. You were much less of a prude, you actually had fun! You and padre played dress up together, you wore your onesie and didn’t have a care about it— you expressed yourself.” He approaches Logan in full, pushing his back against the dresser. “And then, a switch flipped at one point. Suddenly, you were all business! No feelings allowed! You stopped smiling, you stopped letting yourself feel joy or anything you considered to be a waste of time, but worst of all, Logan?” He leans down, directly in his face, “You became what they all wanted you to be: An empty, emotionless robot with no feelings, and no other purpose than to answer questions and calm fears when the moment arrived, and when your moment had passed, you could be disposed of.”

Hot, angry tears sting Logan‘s eyes, threatening to spill over. He glares at the now blur of orange in front of him, tempted to yell, scream, hit, punch, do whatever it took to get him and his painfully honest words out of his room. He thinks he can waltz in here and just insult him like this, in the one place he’s supposed to have safety, and destroy that for him as well? Logan knew deep down it was all to get him to react, to upset him and make him lash out again, but all that weighed right now on Logan’s mind was the painfully heavy fact that the other hadn’t lied.

“Get. Out.” Logan spits, fighting back the tears as best as he can.

“I don’t think I will.” The orange side grins back at him. “Admit it. You want to get angry. You want to make them all shut up and listen, don’t you? You want the order, the control, don’t you, Logan? You want to be listened to.”

“So what if I do?!” Logan shouts, near startling himself with the sudden outburst. Tears spill over and fall onto his cheeks, burning red from crying and the anger welling in his chest. “You’d feel just as bad as I do if everything you did that they didn’t deem necessary was discarded!”

“See? There it is,” The tone he used is patronizing, speaking to Logan as if he is some sort of little harmless animal. “You just have to say that! Talk all about how angry it makes you feel, or, alternatively, you take control back by force. I could help you with that, you know.”

Logan shoves him, steadying himself on the dresser as he straightens his posture. “No. I will most certainly not be doing that. I do not need you.”

Suddenly there’s a hand on his jaw and an arm around his waist, spinning him around and pulling him flush against the citrus colored side. “Oh, Logic, don’t be silly! Just look at us!” He forces his head in the direction of the mirror in front of the dresser, earning a glare from the other. The dark blue and bright orange go disgustingly well together, but that doesn’t make Logan anymore trusting. “Don’t we look wonderful together? Come on, now… you mustn’t think you can do this by yourself.” He releases his grip on the other’s jaw and spins him around, “Let me assist you. I know we’re foils but—”

“No.” Logan insists, reaching a hand up to wipe his damp cheeks. “I never have, nor will I ever, need your help. The only way you can assist me now is by getting the hell out of my room.”

“Alright. Alright. I see how it is.” He puts his hands up defensively, backing away slowly from the logical side. “But trust me, Logan. You’ll come crawling back, one way or another. That is a promise.”

The other sinks out, and Logan is momentarily ecstatic to be rid of the orange in his room entirely. He can finally breathe again, relax, as he chews over the words that were said and lingered in the forefront of his mind.

He turns to face the mirror, eyes once again gleaming with orange.

Logan hated the idea that maybe he was right.

[drelldreams]

Since Miranda could think, she had a set purpose in life. As a child, and for most of her teenage years, Miranda had been under strict control of her father Henry Lawson, giving everything to live up to his unrealistic, evergrowing expectations. To be the perfect daughter, a faultless example of a human being.

Nearly everything she did was not by her own choice. Nearly everything was something her father demanded her to do, and even the things she choose to do, required her father’s approval. The most minute of freedom Henry seemed to grant her had been nothing but a mere illusion of such freedom; little exceptions and luxuries he would grant her so he could take them away later to use them against her.

After finding herself free from his control, Miranda Lawson joined the pro human organization Cerberus, but she hadn‘t been really free under their employ, either. She liked to think so; but after twenty years of working for them, she had finally seen Cerberus for what it truly was, leaving the organization on her final mission against the Collectors.

Ever since then, her life had been thrown upside down. It felt as if Miranda had wasted twenty years of her life. To know that the organization she had been working for her entire adult life, had also been working with her father all along, to know that Jack had been right, that perhaps the Illusive Man was aware of the horrific experiments that were done on children at the Teltin facility — it sent her spiraling into a chaos of self-doubt and despair.

Once again, she had been nothing but a pawn. A tool. The Illusive Man proved to be no different from Henry Lawson - once Miranda announced her resignation, he began to send assassins for her, even after everything she had achieved so far. It didn‘t matter. Just like Henry Lawson hadn‘t cared how much she fought to please him; only for him to eventually choose to replace her.

But now? Now the Illusive Man was dead. The Reaper War was over, the Relays were repaired. For the first time in her life, Miranda was truly free.

Yet, Miranda had never felt this helpless. She was a master when it came to problem solving; it was written in her very DNA. Miranda Lawson liked to claim there wasn‘t a problem she couldn‘t fix. She had done the impossible and brought Shepard back from the dead, after all. Was there any bigger proof to sustain the claim?

But figuring out who she was? After thirty six years of living to prove she was „perfect“, Miranda had absolutely no clue how to be normal.

She knew exactly she could do any job she wanted, in theory. But was there something that could make her genuinely happy?

She was a brilliant scientist, but she could not bring herself to consider the idea of going back into genetics for the faintest bit.

That was a path she had decided to no longer follow; as it was something that reminded her too much of her father. No matter how much other people disliked the idea, telling her to make use of her intelligence.

Miranda didn‘t want this to be about making use of her fancy genes, for once. She wanted to find something she was passionate about.

Just like Oriana did.

It took her a lot of patience to not immediately write anything off that she wasn‘t perfect at. Oriana had introduced her to a multitude of what she promised were „fun things“, but Miranda found herself frustrated quickly with most of those activities. Even after twenty years, there still lingered the voice of Henry inside her, criticizing everything she attempted.

It isn‘t about performance, Oriana told her. It’s about fun. They‘d tried everything Oriana could think of, for the whole summer, things Miranda was never allowed to do when she was a teenager, or that she had been conditioned to think were a waste of time. She soon started to find some.. peace in doing mundane things, and Miranda didn‘t even feel bad when her cookies turned out to taste a little bit too much like flour.

They‘ve even visited an amusement park. Miranda had to admit, that day proved to be one of the happiest memories of her life. Not just because Oriana was there. That was a big aspect - that she was there with her sister, the person in the galaxy she loved most. That she saw Oriana being happy. No doubt that seeing Oriana happy alone made Miranda happy.

But finally, she felt a sense of normalcy, even if she wasn‘t sure if going to amusement parks was really her thing.

And soon, Miranda had agreed to Oriana‘s idea of joining college. Part of her felt anxious about the whole thing. Her, Miranda Lawson, being anxious about going to college, was never something she ever would have expected. The thought of her having such a.. normal experience made her scoff. Oriana had found it amusing that Miranda, ex-Cerberus Agent, who had helped defeat both the Collectors and the Reapers, was nervous about going to college.

Miranda was an undecided major. Just.. dabbling in everything. She tried out all sorts of classes. Things she would never have considered. But Oriana, well, she was very persuasive. She could sweet talk Miranda onto a lot of things, and Miranda didn‘t even see it as a weakness. Not with Oriana.

Creative writing. Photography. Ethnology. Fashion Design. Miranda tried all of those, and much to her surprise, she found herself enjoying photography and ethnology most. It was no surprise that Miranda had gifted Oriana a photo album for her birthday, full of photos she had taken during all the time they‘d spent together.

After a year of attending college, Miranda decided to pick ethnology for her major. Maybe it was all the time she had spent on the Normandy that led her to making this decision.

Asari culture was always something she thought humans could learn from, even if she found some asari could be quite arrogant.

And Miranda had found herself fascinated by the diversity of the Normandy‘s squad - so many people of completely different species and backgrounds, but somehow Shepard made it possible to make a team out of them that could defeat the Collectors and the Reapers.

She‘s never met so many.. colorful individuals in one place before. During her time on the ship, Miranda had changed drastically. In large parts thanks to Shepard; who saw through her icy exterior and didn‘t write her off as just some bitch; who believed that there was a person underneath (and was proven right).

In other parts.. It was speaking to a member of a race with eidetic memory, who was given to the hanar in order to be trained as an assassin; like many of his species are.

It was speaking to an old salarian genius who went from modifying the genophage to developing a cure. It was getting to know a young, loyal krogan with a kind heart and something about him that made even a krogan seem adorable. (Though Miranda wouldn‘t admit that to his face, ever). Who was struggling with the way he was created, just as she was.

Miranda thought that this is what the galaxy could need. More understanding between people; between different species.

Her whole adult life, she had dedicated her life towards human advancement; even if the methods were ruthless. But now? She was, as Oriana called it, being a „total geek“ and studying alien culture.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

i'm not entirely sure what i'm saying but i don't think france is a bad person i have a lot of the impression that she's very frustrated with not being rich or famous and not having a successful modeling career in the end not being able to achieve the goals she wanted deep down she feels inferior and has low self esteem and tries to hide it by playing the bad girl sometimes the closest she got to fame was dating evan and she got so excited she had to show it to the girls people at any cost she didn't know how to deal with it she wanted to try to be like emma but at that time evan didn't want a person like that anymore so i guess he had no future plans with her. with emma it was different he wanted to build a family with her i think he was really in love with her but he couldn't because of his temperament i read in a blind item that once evan was at a hotel having breakfast with his mother and father and he was complaining about emma saying that she was spoiled selfish petty who only thought about her and that he was with alexandra his ex anyway i don't think emma was ever really in love with evan she's just spoiled and sees evan as a possession and always found a way to get back with him because he had evan as his property and because of that they tried so many times and it never worked because in a relationship there has to be complicity empathy and knowing that the other person also has feelings they reached a certain point where they no longer had self-love mainly him, and even today I'm sure she feels uncomfortable if he's with someone because it's not easy to lose something or someone a phrase said by herself I hope that nowadays if they meet and she acts like a good girl who learned from the mistakes he doesn't fall for that conversation again I hope he really leaves all that behind and goes to live a new life find someone nice like hailey who knows maybe start a family and live intensely incredible moments next to that person because life passes too much to waste time . I love your page kisses ❤️

hello, and thank you! i understand what you mean about frances' behavior, because i also think the way she acts online is 1. not really representative of who she is as a person and 2. a defense mechanism. overall, i do not know her and can't say whether she is a good or bad person; unfortunately for her the image she has projected online is one that is unlikeable and inflammatory. ultimately, i do think she is resentful and frustrated that she has not been able to muddle together a successful life. she is a very beautiful girl and obviously comes from a decently well off family. it is easy to be entitled, thinking that the world should fall into your lap because of this. i don't really think frances has any particularly large career goals, i think she would like to be a stay at home mom to her bunnies with a wealthy man taking care of her.

with emma, it's hard to know exactly know what she was feeling. she comes from a very dysfunctional family and it can warp every aspect of your life. i believe she loved evan, maybe in the only way she knows how to love, which is chaotic and abusive. it's also worth mentioning they both were (allegedly) dealing with addiction issues and that certainly colored everything they went through. in reality, it's hard to find an ''evan'' - a man who could have damn near any woman he wants but will put up with someone like emma when she's at her worst, and stick around/be faithful. i'm sure it's not lost on her that she let that get away and didn't work on herself when evan apparently did, going to rehab and getting himself together.

[hellmouth-manor]

the night in our brief happiness, silently. | micah | ch4 body rx

The days have blurred together for Micah, as they so often do, so he doesn’t really know how long it’s been since he gave the manga back to Hibiki. That might have been yesterday? Or the day before that? It’s hard to tell when you can’t get more than an hour’s rest without being stirred by some horrible vision. And even he would admit that, at first, it was funny. There was comedy to be found in watching his friends fail a hallucinatory savage raid they didn’t even know they were trying to prog. Compared to everyone else, he must have gotten off pretty easy when it came to visions, right?

…He didn’t bother telling most people that by the sixth day the glowing tethers and towers had become interspersed with the corpses of his friends. For one, it’d make them concerned. And for two, it felt as if speaking it aloud would be manifesting that fear into reality. So maybe he could avoid it if he stayed quiet. Maybe one of the very few beating hearts left he didn’t care for would get picked off instead, and he could tread water just that little bit longer before he started to worry again. Tread water just a little bit longer, while he-

-no, he didn’t deserve that.

Hibiki had asked him if he had any similar sentiments to share when that manga was returned and Micah found himself unable to clear even that low bar. He didn’t have any touching moments. He didn’t have any inspiring memories. Micah was a stunted failure in every way he could think of. He had nothing. He was nothing. Nothing at all in every regard. No titles, no accomplishments, no life progress, no goals achieved, nothing to call his own. A hollow shell of a man piloted by anyone who cared to take the reins, only useful as an extension of their (often asinine) wishes. Sad. Useless. No wonder he was in Hell. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who’d wasted every opportunity given to them as hard as Micah had. Someone who’d wasted their life as hard as Micah had. He stood among serial killers and criminals and freaks and at least they’d all done something with their lives, or they had a reason for being the way they were, and he had- nothing.

He knew that all along, of course. To hate himself for that was so old hat that it wasn’t worth thinking about. But it was a different kettle of fish entirely to stare at Mirai’s mangled corpse and understand that she really was something he’d never deserved.

Mirai, the kindest of them all, the one who shouldn’t have been here in the first place. What words could he use to express how he felt for her? Any adjective he could think of felt sallow and tacky. Trite. Not worth saying, not worth coming from him. He wasn’t like her. He didn’t have her talent. He didn’t have her anything. She- She’d really been- what had kept him going. She’d been the reason he hadn’t given up. Had she known that? Had he managed to tell her that, with his shallow vocabulary, his coward heart, his total lack of ability to connect to other people? Did she know that just her presence made him, for the first time in his life, want to try and be something more than he was?

Was Mirai ever aware of how happy she made him? Did she know how beautiful she was in the starlight when they sat outside and spun their silly little stories about princesses and knights and planets far away? How much he adored her- her calm voice, her soft hair, her warm hands, her quiet brilliance? How she was one of the only people in this world who could make him feel like- maybe- he belonged somewhere? He couldn’t tell. Maybe not. Maybe he’d failed at that, too. Maybe it was all useless. Maybe it was better if she didn’t know. Maybe it was better that his coward heart, his coward mouth, they’d never managed to work up the courage to say- 

I love you, 

-since he never deserved her. If he couldn’t even stop her from dying, what use was he? None. Useless. Useless words, useless thoughts, useless actions, not helping anyone, not saving anyone. Mirai, his princess, his world- the one thing he never wanted was for her to suffer, but it looked like he couldn’t even manage that- 

What was he going to do?

If he didn’t have a future any more, what was he going to do?