#Feel really alienated
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mmm…gitm…
#thinking about how I’d fit myself into cricket’s shoes#I act very differently from how they’re portrayed…#I mean for one thing#I’d probably be staring very blankly at sunspot if he recommended baklava since. Yknow.#(it’s literally Our Food)#I don’t think I’d be able to handle have of the jokes fool make#And I’d probably have kicked misuta if he snuck on me while I’m in bed#(Especially if not wearing scarf since. Absolutely not)#I think sol would be absolutely justified in being suspicious with the entry on the property in 1st chapter cuz#I don’t think I’d look even remotely similar to harry in any sense#there’s#it’s always a little difficult for me to engage with the fandom since#I’m a minority who is not related to the demographic that most of the stuff here appeals to#Which is fine#just a bit awkward#I don’t know I think i’m projecting the social/cultural isolation thing#i kind of didn’t think about how little people know about muslims?#I mean I’ve experienced the whole suspicion and racism thing a good deal of times#(vividly remember a couple times people tried to con me cuz they thought I couldn’t understand english)#But It’s just really hard in a society that is predominantly#what is the word#very christian + western oriented?#I don’t know how else to put it#people think it’s weird that we don’t celebrate Christmas or Halloween or drink alcohol or dance or do these things that are#Considered normal for basically everyone#And then when we don’t do these things we#Feel really alienated#And it’s not just religious and cultural stuff either i’m#Considered an outlier in my own community and friend group and it’s difficult but - anyways#this was a fandom thing and we got off topic sorry
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that one alien meme
#alnst#alienstage#alien stage#ivan#sua#png#forgor to put my tumblr signature i didnt really feel like it. that's my twt u guys know that
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ivan and till have their first kiss, an alternate ending 💕
please look at this comic for context and Part 1!
#suggestive#ivantill#ivan#till#alien stage#alnst#erm. hey guys. i can explain#my feed has been feeding me too much angst ever since the nyc cards so i had to Do Something#some notes as usual. this is what i imagine what mutual ivantill is like#i am a firm believer that when till realizes his feelings for ivan he will pursue those feelings without hesitation#but bc till is a romantic he wants to do it properly (that’s why the way he approaches his first kiss seems gentle)#sure on a surface level i would say Ivan just wants to get to it1!1!#but despite his teasing ivan would be a mix of sweet and intense since Till reciprocated his feelings and doesnt have to hold back anymore#a true yearner at heart. bless that boy#they really shouldve been at the clurb 💔#ctrlzxoo art
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I was going to draw something completely different from this I am so sad
#What a simple pinterest image doesn't do for me#Zim with eyelashes is SO cursed 💀���#but Gir is having fun!#do you feel bonita zim?#my art#invader zim#invader zim fanart#invader zim gir#iz gir#gir iz#iz#alien#invasor zim#gir really likes cosmetics#I did this to not freak out#you know when you feel bad and want to do vent artand ends up making a cute silly happy art#GIR#invader zim art
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i really do think that till cared for ivan in a way that ivan just couldnt see ya know?? how to say this
till loves ivan in a way that isnt romantic, isnt selfless, isnt selfish, isnt holy, and isnt sinful. its something so simple and nonchalant that ivan would never never able to see it
till loves ivan in the way he lets him follow. and how he trusts that he will even if he doesnt look back.
i hesitate to call it love, but theres something so simply romantic in that constant expectation of his presence that im not sure what else to call it
tills love for ivan is so wonderfully normal that it can be misconstrued you know?
its like till doesnt give ivan an invitation to his party cause hes like "why would i need to tell him to come, hes gonna be there anyways"
while ivan is like "till doesnt want me there he didnt give me an invitation :( (im going to go anyways)"
and then till is like "ivan is there, glad he got the memo"
and ivan is like "i am an intruder in a place i wasnt and will never be invited to or welcomed"
the tragedy of the commonplace if you will
#he never really loved ivan in a romantic way to me#but thats not something that till owes ivan anyways#and ivan knows#just the knowledge that tills thinks as him as something. anything. would be enough for him#its a relationship made infinitely more tragic when you realize how little ivan even needs to feel happy#ivantill#ivan alnst#till alnst#alnst ivan#alnst till#alnst#alien stage#im normal#more in rts
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Haunted car au, pt 6
The next part is fighting me a bit, so I will just post this one for now.
Previous
Duke reeeaalllyyy does not get paid enough for this.
Good news, he was able to get the names of the dealers and suppliers and also narrowed down the places of interest to three warehouses. All he had to do was drop that info onto the server for the night crew, and that was that, not his problem anymore.
Bad news, the car is becoming his problem.
When Duke entered the cave, he could see the wheels turning, and not in a sick burnout way Jason does anytime he gets behind the wheel, they were just turning left and right. Then to add more insult to Duke's attempt at ignoring it, the car opened its driver door in what may have been a mockery of a greeting. Honestly, Duke could have also ignored that but then it seemed to fucking Panic and set off its own alarms and proceed to flail all the doors open and reverse to the point that the back wheels made it off the platform and into the gutter that runs though the cave. If Duke was a betting man, and he was, he would bet that whatever possessed or replaced the Batmobile was so incompetent that he had to worry more about Its safety from the Batfam. Whether that was protection from arrest or adoption is still up in the air.
Either way, this is becoming Duke's problem. He is really not paid enough for this. Time to calm down a sentient car.
“Hey, car buddy? You ok?”
Duke wasn't sure what he was expecting when he was talking to a car of all things, but absolute silence wasn’t it. Was this thing going to try to play car now? After everything that just happened? Duke slowly walked up to the driver's side door and looked in for the green blob person, only to see them in the back seat sprawled out. Duke tried to not think too hard while putting the car back in its spot, but the list of facts he has so far kept ticking.
1. The Batmobile has a new passenger or has been replaced
2. The thing/person is not good at hiding, so probably not a villain plot
2a. If it is a villain plot, they got the absolutely wrong person to do it
2aa. Possible meta forced to spy?
3. The person just freaked out so hard they fainted after setting off the Batmobile alarms.
4. Alfred will know what to do right?
5. Try to communicate again with the person in the car.
It didn't take long for the blur on the backseat to shift again. Luckily they didn't immediately jump into the driver's seat, where Duke still sat. Duke turned to look in the backseat, time to start this interrogation.
“Hey, you ok?” Duke was happy that he was able to see the head nod that the fuzzy blur gave.
“That's good. Now, I can't see you too well, but we can work out some basic questions, alright?” Another head nod answered him.
"Are you in danger? Like, did someone force you to do this?” The head shake that was produced shook the car. Duke internally sighed in relief, not a villain plot or meta trafficking gone wrong.
“So this was just an accident, and I am guessing you are now stuck?” Duke knew he was not as good at body language reading as the others, but the wave of embarrassment and resignation this blob was giving off confirmed that whoever/whatever this is, was not a total threat.
Next?
As usual tag list!
@kizzer55555 @sebas-nights @candeartist422 @trappednyourheart @fandom-life-corrupted-me @tkiesai @2lbballpeenhammer @admiralwidow @rewrittenwrongs @whotfevenknowsanymore @symmetricalastigmatism @atinygracie
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny phantom crossover#dc crossover#Duke should get paid in Alfreds cookies#its not everyday that the possesd car faints in panic#Duke kinda feels bad for the meta/alien in the car#ngl I started playing a modded minecraft map and got a little sidetracked#the next part is still awkward to write tho#all good explanations are not yes/no answers!#its the fine line of Danny figuring out the radio vs how long to stew in mute car mode#I think this is considered crack writing#so does pacing really matter?#feels too odd for me to make it too quick tho....
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"It's just a silly comedy," I think to myself, "I'm not going to get brain worms about it," I insist, ignoring the fact that I am the getting-brain-worms-about-silly-comedies person
#ofmd#cbs ghosts#the Orville#wwdits#abbot elementary#good omens#the great#resident alien#xena warrior princess#i'm going to be honest I thought I was exaggerating when I wrote the post and then tagging it is hurting my feelings#maybe I really am the getting-brain-worms-about-silly-comedies person
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that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them
but. does ivan know that…?
the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself
because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"
but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—
surely this selfish wanting can’t be love
...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die
but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...
I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)
but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself
#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#ivantill#i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough#just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently#idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave#ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing#making him the most miserable guy ever#...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well#c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated#wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong
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just wanted to say it's really awesome seeing the positive reception to chunky mikey LOVE YOU ALL 🧡🧡
#I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED BUT EVERYONE'S BEEN SUPER COOL he's very important to me#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise mikey#rottmnt mikey#avepharts#number one reason for his design It Is Self-Care To Draw Your Characters Fat and it's fun and i wanted to#but also ! i think it's a really interesting visual contrast to apocalypse mikey (who's very bony) esp bc you'd assume mikey would live a#really hearty lifestyle. like i think f!mikey's figure is so striking to me because it feels so alien for him.#also! mikey does a lot of throwing and lifting heavy shit and in sports like deadlifting and shot-put athletes tend to have more fat muscle#and i think there should be more body diversity in acrobatic fighter characters#AND OF COURSE! he looks like raph <3#rot20mnt
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when i said i wanted to understand whatever’s going on in ivan’s head, i didn’t mean like this 😭😭
#alnst ivan#alnst till#ivantill#alien stage#ooooh boy turns out ivan’s self esteem is pretty low in terms of love#makes total sense but it’s not what i expected from someone who looked so in control of what he wanted and was willing to pursue from till#he loves humbly which was my first intepretation of him before we even got round 3#it’s changed since then with more (mis)information leaked by vivinos to misdirect our understanding of him#so to get this clear dialogue of his final thoughts is really… clarifying#and terribly sad in a way#ivan loves till so much and is entirely aware that he hasn’t been the most gentle of suitors#god i have many thoughts about this#ahhh ivan baby your feelings aren’t shallow at all
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I really think we as a society don't give enough credit to performers who thrive in an ensemble situation. It's always obvious when an actor is excellent front and center, and we're constantly rewarding that skill set with awards, but god, there's something to be said for the power of a true ensemble piece. People who are so good at reading one another and playing off what they're given, tossing the ball and knowing when to turn it into a grenade. As much fun as it is to watch a solid monologue or a solo show, I always find it so much more thrilling--and so much more authentically lived-in--when there's an ensemble just feeding one another in every single scene. Who do I look at? What is everyone else learning and deciding even from the background? This is what life looks like, and actors who really shine in that environment have really become my favorite to follow.
#i feel this way about yellowjackets. i feel it about flanagan's whole lil theater troupe.#yeah it's great to have 1-3 stars shining like crazy#but isn't the sky so much brighter when it's filled with constellations?#that's part of why i love broadway so much too. in a really solid show (i'm talking your hadestown vibes) the whole stage comes alive#anywhere you look there's a human being SO HUMAN#even if they're like. a cat. or an alien. or whatever.#it's so cool#and as a writer i'm always trying to find ways of making my stories feel as lived-in as possible#to envelope the audience and make them feel a part of the narrative fabric#ensemble stuff--done well--is built for that
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I'm really struggling with communication right now, so I'm gonna be a bit distant for a bit. I really appreciate the patience n kindness 💗
#i feel like ive been struggling to get back to people all month#ty especially to the anon who sent a kind message irt my post about processing familial death / alienation when#everyone related to you has passed with society valuing blood relation etc#im gonna try and find a therapist soon (again) bc. Just a lot going on internally.#like. today i realized that I have only seen a message of 'i love you' from my mom written for someone else.#bc she didnt get to ever write one for me. or if she ever had it was kept from me#and it really messed with me today#idk I just always get messed up in the period between birthday and holidays n overthink. but i hope everyone else is well#and im sorry if i havent been able to be there for you if youre reading this and have been waiting for my response.#I really wish that as I got older I got more well / stronger mentally.
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Ivan and Mizi being described as immature and childish in their moments of weakness really do a lot to me. Each of their situations and reasons are vastly different but at the core, it is hard for them to express themselves like adults, because they hadn't grown up yet...mumbles
#alien stage#alnst ivan#alien stage ivan#alnst#alien stage mizi#alnst mizi#i really like my MiziIvan paralells don't you know#Ivan being massively mentally underdeveloped and mizi being so sheltered she jus doesnt know how to handle herself when she feels so intens#im sorry my dears#I like how this post turned into a full mizi appreciation shrine lol she truly deserves it for being the sweetest
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Xenomorph, origami, one square sheet of paper
#mine#alien#xenomorph#origami#there she is ! ! ! ! !#the model is by kade chan you can even find it on youtube :)#i really really like how this one turned out one of the models i've had the most fun playing!#i think origami actually suits the xenomorph's look really well#the organic feel of the paper but also its straight lines goes along the biomechanical feel of the creature#and the goopy black nailpolish with the thin silvery coat on it works v well too#i tried to give it a bit of a movement#more so than i usually do so he's got a winding tail and posed arms and a slight walking pose#next up in my origami journey will be working on hands and feet sculpting lol
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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up#there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#it’s honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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i think im getting artblocked again (in the middle of a big project too, awesome) have a pegasus
#my art#promethea#specbio#speculative biology#pegasus#fantasy#i fuckin guess#how would i even describe promethea as like a genre?#its fantasy but like... what about the alien stuff? that doesnt make it scifi but i feel like leaving out#the alien stuff is ignoring a part of the story#but idk if thats just me?? like is it really that important#(it is to me)#but like if it was a book getting published#what would the blurb be#oh god thats giving me anxiety dont answer that question
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