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[lolymarak]

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[buddiesmutslut]

I’m being so ffr rn, if the show runners definitively show that Buddie is not going to happen?

I’m probably not going to be watching anymore.

I mean it when I say that they’re literally the sole reason I watched this show in the first place. I saw a billion TikTok edits of them & was like “Idek these characters I need to watch this show and see what’s going on over there.”

And like, it’s a fun show, I’m not saying it isn’t, but first responder shows are a dime a dozen. There are other shows that have queer characters and found family and wild adventures. Granted, they don’t have Buck & his bi arc, but I’d still read fanfics to get my Evan Buckley fix lol.

I don’t need them right now, I’m so down for the slow burn, will-they-won’t-they & the pining & the yearning & the build up and the GOOD foundation. I want to see Eddie figuring himself out and dealing with his repression and figuring out he’s queer (& Demi, pls God. I hope if I just say it enough, I can will it into existence somehow) before anything happens with the two of them, but if they take definitive steps to have one of them like, marry someone else or something, I think I’m gonna head out. Find me on ao3 for the rest of my days lol.

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[blairelythere]

I pay $2000 dollars a month to live in a 900 square foot box.

I delivered $120 worth of fast food to an 8 bedroom house in a gated community. In that hour, I earned less than it cost to buy myself a frozen pizza and toilet paper that night.

My account was overdrawn. I was charged $35 for being $2 short.

Didn't have the money to pay for new car tabs when they expired -> $250 dollar ticket.

Rent was submitted by the due date but processed two days after. That was an $180 late fee.

I was discriminatorily fired because my self-harm scars are "triggering to others," and I "abandoned my job" after being harassed about it. Yeah, sorry, you should've stayed in the abusive work environment, bit your lip, and merrily carried on if you didn't wanna be fired. Oh, and also, you don't qualify for unemployment now.

Don't want to have to tell a future employer your dead legal name while job hunting? $200 filing fee, $150 record request, a court hearing, and 3 months of wait time for a name change.

Just reach out to the family that abused you. Reach out to the family that abused you. Reach out to the family that abused you. Reach out to the family that abused you. Reach out to the family that abused you.

Disability payout is awaiting approval. Oh, sorry, the wait time is 6+ months for a response. Yes, we know that you're already legally disabled. Yes, you still have to wait.

Did you miss a credit card payment? Well, shucks, gonna lower that measly score now. Don't worry about how it's a qualifier for apartments, car loans, and mortgages; it certainly won't negatively ripple throughout the rest of your adult life.

I still have my things - my knickknacks and toys. For now. The fact that you haven't sold them is a sign that you simply aren't trying hard enough... did you know that? Times are tough! It's time to sell everything replaceable and irreplaceable. Things are just things, right? You must have nothing left before you truly may have help.

I can't quite capture the feeling I'm feeling.

You must have nothing left.

It's awfully expensive being queer, poor, and alive.

[marketncard]

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[rockpaperimpala]

So about Netflix's the Last Airbender....

I am literally so confused you guys. You made me think I would HATE this show. And I LOVED it. Me. Known perfectionist and hater.

Katara was lovely. Yes, she started as a more soft spoken character than her cartoon version, but she was still passionate and hopeful throughout, just visibly unsure of herself. I think people were thrown off by this actress' natural way of expressing herself, which is Different from animated katara for sure, but not bad. Then she spends the whole season growing in Confidence and Fire. I Adored her fight with Paku, it really did feel like a payout of the whole season's development, and the bending kicked ass!

The Bending Kicked ass!!! The martial arts was fun and fast and creative and exciting! It looked SO good. That alone would be enough reason for me to watch and enjoy any show.

Zuko's actor was fantastic. He really captured the rage and confusion of this 16 year old banished prince. And there were so many Added moments between him and Iroh wich to me enriched their relationship. Like YES! This is why I'm watching, to see more of them, to see things done a little differently.

Iroh facing the consequences of his actions at Ba Sing Se!! That's what I'm here for!

Zuko's relationship with the men on his ship! That's what I'm here for!

The Extra layers we get to Ozai manipulating his children!

Also no one is talking about Admiral Zhao, who I had SO much fun with. I feel like they slightly fleshed out his character in a really dramatic way, really developing the hubris and frankly insane grasping ambition of someone who would kill the moon. I completely enjoyed this wilder, less controlled version of him, who comes up through the season from basically nothing and no one!

I am OBSESSED with King BUMI and his anger and disillusionment with the world! Like this was SO real. Living a hundred years of futile war would do that!!!! It is one of my favorite changes to the whole series. This new layer of emotion and character depth is what I'm here for!

Sokka was SO funny. He literally had me laughing out loud so often. That actor GETs Sokka, and GETS the way his humor is delivered. And is also able to tap into the more vulnerable side of him. People said he was "obsessed" with leadership. WHAT? That is a young person trying desperately to do his best and to try and find his place in the world, to figure what he has to offer. I loved his pride at hearing the Mechanist say that he would make a good engineer, and the sweetness of the moment that Yue's father says that he can be a hero without being a warrior. Sokka does so much growth in this series, in understanding himself and life.

And his chemistry with Suki was adorable!! I even like him and Yue (who was a totally unexpected sweetheart, despite her terrible wig)!! Like he has that same ability that Sokka has in the original to Connect with people.

Aang was great! He WAS fun loving and sweet and funny. I don't know what you guys wanted. Cartoons are always bigger and more exaggerated than live action. People's eyes swell up an, birds fly around their heads, and there are funny sound effects. That larger than life quality is the strength of animation! You have to look for different strength in live action. Like the SUBTLETIES of the acting choices. This little actor brought so much kindness, innocence, and strength to Aang.

And I FELT his frustration at being asked to do this at 12, his fresh hope anytime it looked like someone more experienced would be able to help him and no one did, and that's why he didn't learn waterbending this season, because he kept waiting for an freaking ADULT to show him the way, to help him carry this immense burden, but every adult he meets asks him for help instead, asks him to carry it himself, and then the finale hits and he realizes that there won't be any adults helping, he does have figure this out himself, and he makes the hard choice, takes on responsibility more than his years and offers himself to the ocean spirit, and he might have been lost entirely if not for Katara!

And that counter running theme to the show pays off: that he doesn't have to do it alone. He may not have more experienced guidance, because the adults have let him down again and again, but his friends will be with him, and they will figure it out together!

This is there throughout the series! Katara tells him this about learning waterbending, when he says he still wants to wait. Bumi tells him this in the palace at Omashu, and Aang sees the faith he has in his friends repaid!

I like these changes! And the show still found time for silly fun adventures and character building moments.

The show was never going to be the animated original. That is already a Masterpiece, and it frankly did NOT need to be adapted at all. I did not WANT a live action adaptation. I was adamantly convinced I would hate it. But the changes that they netflix show gave are what I Iike most about it. If I want to see Zuko say "you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun," I will go watch the animated original, because that version is perfect. And now, if i want to see Zuko say "Lu ten would have been proud to have you as a father," and see iroh pull him into a tight hug, I can watch this live action version, which is very good too. I'm going to disagree with most of the people on here and say that the Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender, DOES capture the heart of what we liked about the original show. It's spirit, fun, excitement, and characters. And the changes made are the reason we should be watching.

[robertreich]

Biden vs. Trump: Whose Economic Plan Is Better for You? 

Trump failed to deliver on his number one campaign promise:

President Trump presided over a historic net loss of nearly 3 million American jobs, the worst jobs numbers ever recorded under an American president.

This is no fluke. America’s economy has almost always done worse under Republican presidents. A New York Times analysis found that since 1933, the U.S. economy has grown nearly twice as fast on average under Democrats.

Now Trump’s defenders claim it’s not his fault that the economy collapsed under his watch. It was the pandemic. But there are two big things wrong with this.

First, the pandemic recession was as bad as it was because of Trump. His failure to lead with any national strategy left America in chaos throughout 2020, long after other nations had developed coordinated testing, tracing, and social distancing plans that allowed them to reopen their economies.

But secondly, even before the pandemic, Trump failed to deliver on his economic promises. Job growth slowed under Trump.

America added more jobs in President Obama’s last three years than in Trump’s first three.

Even before the pandemic most middle-class American households saw their incomes go down under Trump.

Trump’s major economic policy was cutting taxes on the rich and big corporations. He promised it would result in $4,000 annual raises for workers. How did that work out? Did you get a $4,000 raise?

Republicans keep claiming that if we just cut enough taxes on the rich, the wealth will “trickle down.” But it never works. Wage growth slowed after Reagan’s tax cuts for the rich and big corporations. And the Bush and Trump tax cuts didn’t trickle down either.

These giveaways to the wealthy came at the expense of investments in infrastructure, education, and health care, making life more expensive and difficult for everyone who isn’t rich.

They also exploded the debt and deficit. Reagan oversaw a 186% increase in the national debt — the biggest percentage increase in over 70 years. The Bush and Trump tax cuts, that mostly benefited corporations and the rich, are the main reasons why America’s debt is growing faster than the economy.

Republican presidents have led us into the three worst economic crises of the last century, and Democrats led us out of them.

Republicans talk about running the country like a business, but they want to run it the way Trump ran his businesses: with massive debts, a string of failures, and payouts for the folks at the top, while workers get shafted again and again. Given Republicans’ track record, why would any hard-working American put their financial security in the hands of a Republican president ever again?

[jjkamochoso]

Order Up!

Fluff

Feitan Portor x gn!reader

Feitan would do anything to keep you happy--including threatening a chef who messes up your order.

Warnings: mentions of violence and blood, some suggestive dialogue

"Feitan! Please, will you eat there with me?"

You and Feitan had been enjoying your free time without jobs lately. The last heist the whole Phantom Troupe was on had a huge payout meaning you could live more than comfortably for a while and you figured this was the best time to try the super fancy restaurant you had been eyeing ever since you stepped foot in the city you and your boyfriend were staying in. Feitan had his cowl pulled up but you could tell he was frowning.

"Why waste money? Good food for cheaper elsewhere."

You wore a pout, hoping to convince the stubborn man. "But it's our one chance to enjoy a nice date! We don't have opportunities like this often, you know."

Feitan couldn't disagree with that. There were times where you two had to survive on eating food from a trash can and now you were practically drowning in money. He still didn't like the idea of spending so much on something that wasn't tangible, though. He'd much rather save his money and steal you something nice that you could keep forever, like jewelry.

"I could wear that outfit you love so much," you suggested, turning on your charm the best you could. "What do you think, Fei?"

You heard him growl softly and you knew you broke his resolve.

"Fine. I take you there. Go get ready."

You couldn't contain your excitement as you gave him a quick hug and ran off to the shower in your hotel room. The person whose credit card you stole must've had deep pockets because you'd been staying here for about a month and haven't been kicked out yet. That, or Feitan tracked him down and killed him so he couldn't dispute the charges. Either way, it didn't matter to you since you were relishing the high life while you could. You took your time under the warm water, letting the smell of luxury soap wrap around you. When you were finished, you dried off with a big fluffy towel. As you applied lotion, you heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hurry up in there. I take shower too."

You were lucky Feitan couldn't see the shock on your face. He rarely showered and often had a scent of blood that trailed after him. This, of course, didn't bother you as you found him quite attractive in his greasy, metallic smelling state of being, but the fact that he wanted to show you he was taking this date seriously meant the world to you. You rubbed in the last of the lotion and put on your soft white bathrobe. It came with the hotel but it would definitely be leaving with you. You opened the door and hurried out of the way so Feitan could wash off. You let out a surprised gasp as his super fast reflexes caught you off guard, grabbing your hand before you could pass him by. His cowl and jacket were thrown on the floor and you were pulled into his t-shirt clad body, a rare moment of affection from the Spider.

"You smell yummy," he said, his nose rubbing against the crook of your neck, "I could just eat you for dinner instead."

"Feitan!" you whined, feeling your entire body heat up from his words. "As lovely as that sounds, we need actual food."

"Just one bite? A little taste?" he whispered, his razor sharp teeth grazing your now bare shoulder.

As much as you were enjoying this softer side of Feitan, you were getting to that restaurant in a timely fashion.

"Get into the shower or I'll throw you in the bathtub and scrub you like a dog."

He pulled away reluctantly, grey eyes ablaze with something less reminiscent of love and more akin to the blood lust of a predator toying with its prey. Whatever it was, you knew you wouldn't be leaving any time soon if you kept playing into his game.

"Go," you said sternly, pointing to the open bathroom door and pulling your robe back up on your shoulders. Feitan just cackled as he closed the door behind him and you knew tonight was going to be very interesting.

As he emerged from the bathroom, his hair freshly washed and styled, barely worn tuxedo gracing his small frame, Feitan caught a glimpse of you. He was often quiet, choosing to observe rather than speak his mind most times, but for once, he was genuinely speechless. Your outfit brought out your most attractive features and he couldn't stop staring. You felt his gaze from the corner of your eye and started to feel a bit self conscious being under such serious scrutiny.

"Is it too much? I think maybe I should change-"

Feitan cut you off with words in his native tongue. You were too afraid to ask what he said but he continued, effectively answering your question.

"Stunning. You perfect."

Self doubt threatened to overcome you but you swallowed it down. Feitan doesn't lie and certainly doesn't sugarcoat anything. If he said something, it was the truth. To him, you were everything he could ever ask for. To you, he was the whole world.

"You look handsome yourself, my love. Thank you for doing this for me."

"This for us. We deserve it."

You two put the finishing touches on your outfits, you attaching Feitan's bowtie while he clasped your jewelry. Walking out of the hotel lobby, you turned many heads as onlookers watched you with jealousy. You were a sight to behold, the true definition of a power couple. The walk to the restaurant was short and you were there before you knew it. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as Feitan opened the door for you. The ambiance inside was like nothing you had ever seen. It was dark, no overhead lighting to be seen, and candles were lit everywhere your eyes landed. There was someone playing the piano in a corner of the restaurant and you overheard one of the staff members talking about a reservation for a big name celebrity that was going to be there later. You were almost overwhelmed by the whole atmosphere being completely foreign to you but were brought back down to earth by Feitan's hand barely resting on your lower back. You knew he wasn't into touching or PDA of any kind so you wondered if he was turning to you for reassurance in this strange place as well. You gave him a soft smile as you walked up to the hostess. Feitan told her a name the reservation was under, which surprised you. There was no way he could've gotten one without you noticing, especially in only a few hours. You were fully expecting to have to wait for an open spot so when she quickly ushered the two of you to a secluded table, you were taken aback. You thanked her as she left menus for you to peruse.

"Did you do this for me?" you asked, gesturing to the table.

"Yes."

"Thank you."

Feitan didn't give you a verbal response but you knew he took your appreciativeness to heart. He didn't want to spoil the romantic mood right now but couldn't wait to tell you how he tracked down the maitre d' in record time and offered to help him lose some weight in the form of less limbs if he didn't secure the best table for you. You saw the menu didn't have prices and you knew you were in for one expensive meal, but you were practically vibrating with excitement to try one of everything. Feitan still didn't get the appeal of this place but he wasn't going to put a damper on your fun so he stayed silent as you rambled off your order. He put in his order as well and the waiter was off, leaving you to bask in the candlelight.

"This must be the life that boss lives every night," you mused, earning a slight smile from the man across from you. As you waited for your food, you both chatted about whatever crossed your minds at the time, enjoying the calm dining experience. Your appetizers finally came and you dug right in. You had never eaten anything so delicious in your entire life. You didn't even know food could taste like this! As you devoured your helping, Feitan was more apprehensive. The presentation of his dish was much too fancy. People eat like this every day? He didn't understand it but wasn't going to keep putting much thought to something that didn't really matter. When the food hit his tastebuds, he was pleasantly surprised. The composition may look silly, putting that much work into something that wouldn't last more than a few minutes, but it was so flavorful. You sneaked a bite off each other's plates, complimenting one another on your choices. You eagerly awaited the main course as Feitan was coming to terms with wasting his money here. When your new plates were set down in front of you, Feitan immediately put his fork into it and started shoveling. You, on the other hand, frowned.

"Aww man! I asked for no cheese."

You heard a loud clink of silverware striking porcelain. Feitan had dropped his fork and reached for your plate while you swatted him away.

"What are you doing?"

His eyes narrowed. "You no like it? They fix for you. I make sure."

"It's not a big deal, I promise," you sighed, but he wasn't having it.

"They mess up, they fix. You don't eat what you don't want. Not today, not ever."

He was usually headstrong but you had never seen him so adamant about something.

"Okay, if you want, you can let them know. Just, please, be nice about it? I want to be able to come back here in the future."

Feitan's smile did nothing to quell your fears; that made you worry even more about what he was planning to do. When he stalked off into the kitchen with your plate, you gathered your things to be ready to make a run for it in case the police were called.

Feitan was just beginning to not hate this place when they had the audacity to mess up your order. Of course he was going to fix it, he wasn’t going to let you eat something you didn't find enjoyable. He meandered into the kitchen, kicking open the doors loud enough to gather everyone's attention in there.

"Which one of you cook this?" he asked, showcasing the plate before resting it on the counter. A few of the staff rushed toward him, faces red with anger.

"You can't be in here!" one of them yelled. The staff member went to grab Feitan to drag him out but Feitan acted fast, grabbing a knife from the block and slamming the guy's hand down on the counter. He kept the knife poised over one of the man's fingers, drawing blood, as he addressed everyone.

"If you no answer question, man's fingers will be chopped like carrot. Who cooked this?"

One chef nervously stepped away from the others, raising his hand in trepidation. "I-I did, s-sir. Was it not to... to your satisfaction?"

"My partner asked no cheese. Cheese was there. You fix or your eyeballs end up in spaghetti. Got it?"

The chef, fighting back tears, shook his head and quickly re fired the dish. Feitan, now content, released the first man he apprehended and hurried back to you. He would never want to keep you waiting unnecessarily.

When Feitan came back, you were relieved that no one was screaming and his tuxedo wasn't covered in blood.

"I take it that it went well?" you asked.

"Yep. Your food will be out soon. Right, this time."

"You didn't have to do that for me. But thank you for showing you care."

You couldn't tell if it was a trick of the light or if his eyes actually softened for a second.

"You're welcome. I care all the time. I try to show more."

You reached over and gave his hand a short squeeze and he readily accepted it. When your main course came out again, the waiter dropped it off and practically ran away, leaving you happy with your correct order and Feitan happy at the fear he ignited in the staff.

"Better?" he asked, taking a bite of his own meal.

"Much," you replied.

The rest of the night went smoothly and the waiter informed you that the bill was being covered by the chef who messed up your main course. In addition, he comped two desserts as a sign of good faith and you were elated when they arrived at your table.

"You're not gonna have anything?" you asked, a big piece of cake dangling from the confines of your spoon. Feitan looked you up and down, a mischievous smirk appearing on his face.

"I'm saving room for my dessert at home."

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 50: Frank's Mistake

Prev > Masterlist > Next

tw: hypnosis

July 1905

It was hot as blazes out, even in the dead of night, and sweat was pouring off Frank's brow and rolling down his back as he waited in the filthy alley. It was much too hot to wear a leather jacket, but he wasn't stupid enough to go hunting without some protection from fangs and knives, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

Going home empty-handed wasn't an option, not tonight. His gambling debts were catching up with him at a rate his part-time kitchen gig would never cover. He feared bookies more than he feared bloodsuckers. After all, he couldn't ram a stake through the heart of a bookie, not unless he wanted to end up in jail.

And so, here he was, pursuing the lowest of low hanging fruit -- the fledglings that tended to gather on Sparrow Road near the railroad tracks. The payout was small but practically guaranteed, as long as he waited long enough. He just had to stake some unfortunate freshly-risen corpse, pull the fangs, and plunk them down at the guild for a reward. Far less rewarding than staking an old vampire with a manor full of loot, but beggars can't be choosers.

He was leaning his head against the brick, looking up at the moon, wishing a cool breeze would break the sweltering heat, when... 

...he heard something odd. Something like music. Something that pulled on his attention.

A drunkard or merrymaker singing, perhaps? But the music wasn't raucous or off-key, it was...

...beautiful...

Only the softest of alarm bells rang in his mind as he left his hidden post to go wandering down the street in search of the source of the song. There were no vampires around anyway. He'd go look, and be back to his vigil in a few minutes.

The beautiful music grew louder as he stumbled into an alcove between buildings, finally finding the singer. He was a young man, pale and handsome under the moonlight, with possibly the most gorgeous voice that Frank had ever heard, one that wrapped around him like a warm blanket and coaxed him gently forward.

He was a vampire.

Shit!

That's what that delicious feeling trickling down his spine was -- enthrallment. He'd felt it before, of course, but never this strong, never so thick in his mind that trying to think was like wading through molasses, never catching him so off guard that he very nearly fell for it. 

Relax... don't fight...

He reached for his silver knife, his limbs already heavy and slow. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping him from being taken entirely by that maddening voice.

The vampire didn't seem threatened in the slightest, even once Frank's clumsy fingers managed to pull the knife from its sheath. He stepped closer, his song intensifying, with a placid expression and piercing blue eyes. Frank tried to raise the knife, to assume a defensive posture, to do anything, anything at all, but sway in time to the vampire's song.

Relax, relax... no need to fight... no need to resist...

Why... why was his enthrallment so goddamned strong? Why did it feel so... so... so infuriatingly good?

The knife slipped from his hands and clattered to the cobblestones as the vampire closed the distance between them.

"You can relax," said the vampire in a musical tone. "Just relax. I'm not going to harm you."

"Like hell," he said through gritted teeth, using all his willpower to resist. The vampire was so close. All he had to do was grab a stake and end it. If he didn't... well, he'd seen plenty of what happens to those enthralled by vampires.

He just had to... grab a stake...

"Relax, hunter. You don't need that." 

The vampire had the stake in his hand, tossing it aside. When did he --

He was going to die here. No, worse. He was going to be hypnotized by a vampire, made into one of their blood bag slaves. It had happened so fast, his mind snared by the song in an instant.

He'd let his guard down, too focused on his desperation and assuming that the only vampires near Sparrow Road would be weak fledglings. This vampire was obviously one of their nobility -- despite his simple dress, his bearing and power made that all too clear. He'd pay for this mistake for the rest of his life.

"Shh, shh." The vampire ruffled his hair with something like affection, leaning in close. "Just relax now, and let your mind quiet. Quiet, so that you can listen to me."

"I -- I don't --"

The vampire tilted Frank's chin up to gaze into his eyes, so blue, so deep, like the ocean. His song was deep as well, rolling like the tides, Frank's mind floating on the waves of the vampire's will.

So this was what it was like. So this was why so many thralls they rescued were in dazed bliss. Despite the threat to his life, it felt incredible. 

"You can rest, hunter. I swear I will not harm you. You can rest so safe and deep in my control."

"In... your..." His body had long ceased struggling, his arms heavy and hanging limply by his side, his head slowly lolling in time with the vampire's beautiful voice. Only the smallest of sparks in his mind remained. "You... you've hypnotized me," he said dumbly.

"Yes, I have. You're completely under my control now. But you have nothing to fear."

It was true, wasn't it? He couldn't move, could barely talk, and his ability to think was being stolen away by the moment. After all these years, he'd finally been caught. He'd be made a slave in this vampire noble's manor, his mind ensorcelled. His only hope would be one of his fellow hunters coming to destroy this monster and rescue him.

But who among the hunters could stand against this monster's voice, his irresistible aura?

Be still, the voice called to him, and he was so still, in body and in mind. Be still and listen. Relax and listen. Listen...

He blinked his heavy eyelids. Yes, he would listen. He'd listen to anything this vampire had to say. He'd listen to this song forever. He understood now why some thralls kicked and screamed to resist being rescued. 

"Believe it or not, I actually wish to hire you -- but I didn't think the guild would take kindly to a vampire striding in among them with a job. I have a task that requires a hunter. Many hunters, in fact."

"I'll do it..." His voice slurred, thick with drowsy enchantment.

"That's a good hunter," said the vampire, and Frank's heart soared. "Your task is to kill a vampire, actually, one far more of a threat to humanity than I am. Does that interest you?"

"I'm good at killing vampires. I can kill a vampire for you."

"The vampire in question is far more powerful than I am -- that's why it will take more than one. As many as I can hypnotize, really, and the more experienced, the better."

Frank nodded slowly.

"You wish to serve me, don't you?" the vampire hummed in his ear.

"Yes..."

"This is all you need to do for me tonight. I want you to go back to your guild and let them know that there are several dangerous vampires preying on humans in Bellwood Park. I wish for you to gather two or three of your companions and bring them there in the next few nights. When you arrive at Bellwood Park, you will not warn your companions in any way when you hear the sound of my voice. Do you understand?"

"I understand."

"You'll help make sure they listen, just as you are. You want them to be as relaxed and content as you are right now, don't you?"

"Yes... they need to listen..."

"You won't breathe a word of me or my powers to anyone between now and then. This experience will seem like a distant, hazy dream until you hear my voice again. But you'd do anything to hear my voice again, wouldn't you?"

"Anything..."

"That's right, hunter, you're doing so well." The vampire hummed gently in his ear, further melting his mind into bliss. "Now let's repeat that a few times to make sure it all sinks in..."

Be quiet and listen.

And he did.

---

When Lex opened the door to his manor, he found the windows open to the night air, the gas lamps cheerfully flickering, and bright guitar music coming from the music room. The smell of bacon and eggs still hung in the air from his thrall's breakfast, as did the delectable scent of human.

After so many lonely years, his manor felt like a home instead of a grave.

He wanted to rush to greet Fitz, but it wouldn't do with the hunter's sweat all over his hands. It was a sordid business, but a necessary one. There was no doubt that no matter how many hunters he bound to his cause, no matter how much information and advantage he gave them, many would fall by his sire's hand.

But wouldn't a vampire hunter wish to die nobly in the service of destroying a great evil? They wouldn't die by his hand, but the Maestro's, and many other humans would be spared by their sacrifice. 

Truthfully, there was only one human whose safety concerned him.

Lex washed thoroughly to rid himself of the stench of fear and exertion, reflecting on the night's work as he splashed water onto his face. Tonight's find had been a lucky one, a seasoned hunter found by chance near a fledgling haunt, one who had connections to the guild. With luck, he'd bring more compatriots with him next time. It was a risky business to enthrall several trained hunters at once, but Lex was confident in his abilities. None had ever resisted his voice long enough to pose a threat.

Satisfied, he opened the door to the music room to find his precious thrall strumming his precious guitar, the gas light illuminating his golden hair. He looked up at Lex with that cheeky grin. "Well, good evening, sir, I was wondering where you were."

"I had some matters to attend to."

"Ah, yes, matters. That explains everything, sir." He laughed. "Is there anything I can do for you? I'm eager to serve, Master," he said, jovially sarcastic.

Oh, he was such a pleasure. So full of life. So blissfully unaware of how deeply he was ensorcelled. The perfect thrall, all for Lex to enjoy.

This was why. This was why he was going to risk himself consorting with hunters. This was why he had to kill his sire now, before he took Lex's precious thrall away and broke him, a treasure he'd never regain once lost. This was worth putting everything on the line.

His need was rising within him, spurred on by Lex's earlier expenditure of magic and the delicious aroma of blood that permeated the music room. "I think I would quite like to feed, if that's all right with you."

Fitz's hand dropped off the guitar strings, his eyes going wide and glassy on cue. "Yes, Master," he half-whispered, no hint of teasing in his voice now. "Please, Master, drink. I'm all yours."

"Yes," he said, taking the guitar away and settling it onto the stand. He sat down next to Fitz, cupping his chin in his hand. "Yes, you are. You're mine."

"I'm yours, sir."

Lex hummed in Fitz's ear. Unlike with the hunter, he didn't need to push obedience into Fitz's mind. It was already there, just under the surface, easily pulled to the forefront by Lex whenever he needed it. Instead, he gave Fitz the only thing he really seemed to want: to be wanted.

I want you, I want you, I want you.

Fitz gasped as Lex's fangs pierced the place where his neck met his shoulder, making truly indecent noises and gripping the back of Lex's shirt as Lex hungrily lapped at the blood. It was so impossibly delicious, like no other blood he had tasted, and Lex would do anything to be able to drink it for the rest of his days.

There was no doubt about it -- he was having feelings towards Fitz which were highly inappropriate to have towards a thrall.

As he drank, he could feel his memories and thoughts mixing with Fitz's, and welcomed the sensation, eager for Fitz to know how much he was cherished. In Fitz's thoughts, he could feel warm sunshine on his skin, the taste of a crisp apple in his mouth, the riotous colors of flowers in the spring. He could feel human. Almost human enough to love Fitz.

But he wasn't human. It was a fleeting illusion caused by their connection. He loved Fitz, but only in the ways a vampire could: the desire to possess, to control, to consume.

And Fitz would never love him in the ways of a human, either. He was hypnotized to feel pleasure and crave his master's feeding. Fitz's love was also nothing more than a fleeting illusion. 

But the illusion of sunshine was far better than none at all, and Lex was tired of denying his cravings for so long.

Prev > Masterlist > Next

Wow, I can't believe it's been fifty parts of The Rare Bookseller! Thanks for reading this far, and thank you so much for all the reblogs, comments, and appreciation!

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@xx-adam-xx @ivycloak @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @pokemaniacgemini

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @foresttheblep @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Meatspace twiddling

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me next weekend (Mar 30/31) in ANAHEIM at WONDERCON, then in Boston with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then Providence (Apr 12), and beyond!

"Enshittification" isn't just a way of describing the symptoms of platform decay: it's also a theory of the mechanism of decay – the means by which platforms get shittier and shittier until they are a giant pile of shit.

I call that mechanism "twiddling": this is the ability of digital services to alter their business-logic – the prices they charge, the payouts they offer, the particulars of the deal – from instant to instant, for each user, continuously:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

Contrary to Big Tech's own boasting about its operations, the tricks that tech firms play to siphon value away from business customers and end-users aren't very sophisticated. They're crude gimmicks, like offering a higher per-hour wage to Uber drivers whom the algorithm judges to be picky about which rides they'll clock in for, and then lowering the wage by small increments as a way of lulling the driver into gradually accepting a permanent lower rate:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

This is a simple trick. The difference is that tech platforms like Uber can play it over and over, and very quickly. There's plenty of wage-stealing scumbag bosses who'd have loved to have shaved pennies off their workers' paychecks, then added a few cents back in if a worker cried foul, then started shaving the pennies again. The thing that stopped those bosses was the bottleneck of payroll clerks, who couldn't make the changes fast enough.

Uber plays crude tricks – like claiming that a driver isn't an employee because the control is mediated through an app – and then piles more crude tricks on top – this algorithmic wage discrimination gambit.

Have you ever watched a shell-game performed very slowly?

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-do-penn-tellers-famous-cups-and-balls-trick-in-12-steps

It's a series of very simple gimmicks, performed very quickly and smoothly. Computers are very quick and very smooth. The quickness of the hand deceives the eye: do crude tricks with superhuman speed and they'll seem sophisticated.

The one bright spot in the Great Enshittening that we're living through is that many firms are not sufficiently digitized to to these crude tricks very quickly. Take grocery stores: they can get up to a lot of the same tricks as Amazon – for example, they can charge suppliers for placement on the most prominent, easiest-to-reach shelves, reorganizing your shopping based on which companies pay the biggest bribes, rather than offering the best products and prices.

But Amazon takes this to a whole different level – beyond simply organizing their product pages based on payola, they do this for search. You ask Amazon, "What's your cheapest batteries?" and it lies to you. If you click the first link in a search-results page, you'll pay 29% more than you would if you got the best product – a product that is, on average, 17 places down on the results page. Amazon makes $38b/year taking bribes to lie to you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Amazon can do more than that. Thanks to its digital nature, it can continuously reprice its offerings – indeed, it can simply make up each price displayed on every product at the instant you look at it – based on its surveillance data about you, estimating your willingness to pay. For sellers, Amazon can continuously re-weight the likelihood that a given product will be shown to a customer based on the seller's willingness to discount their products, even to the point where they go out of business:

https://www.businessinsider.com/sadistic-amazon-treated-book-sellers-the-way-a-cheetah-would-pursue-a-sickly-gazelle-2013-10

Twiddling, in other words, lets digital services honeycomb their servers with sneaky wormholes that let them siphon value away from one kind of platform user and give it to another (as when Apple silently began spying on Iphone owners to create profiles for advertisers), or to themselves.

But hard-goods businesses struggle to do this kind of twiddling. Not for lack of desire – but for lack of capacity. Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon Fresh – an online grocery store – can change prices and layout millions of times per day, at effectively zero cost. Jeff Bezos, owner of Whole Foods – a brick-and-mortar grocer – needs a army of teenagers on rollerskates with pricing guns to achieve a fraction of this agility.

So hard-goods businesses are somewhat enshittification-resistant. It's not that their owners are more interested in the welfare of their customers, workers and suppliers – they merely lack the capacity to continuously rejigger the way their business runs.

Well, about that.

Grocers have been experimenting with "electronic shelf labels" in order to do "dynamic pricing" – that means that prices change quickly, in response to circumstances:

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/06/1197958433/dynamic-pricing-grocery-supermarkets

This doesn't have to be bad! As @planetmoney points out, it's a little weird that grocers don't discount milk whose sell-by date is drawing near. That milk is worth less to shoppers, because they have to use it more quickly lest it expire. Instead of marking down the price of perishable goods – day-old lettuce, yesterday's bread, etc – grocers put them on the shelves next to fresher, more valuable products, leading to billions of dollars' worth of food-waste and and unimaginable quantities of methane-producing, planet-cooking landfill.

In Norway, ESLs are pretty well established and – at least according to Planet Money's reporting – they are used exclusively to offer discounts in order to reduce waste. They make everyone better off.

But towards the end of the story, they note that Norway's grocery sector – which alters prices up to 2,000 times per day – has been accused of using ESLs to rig prices, hiking them and blaming them on pandemic supply-chain problems and loose monetary policy. Greedflation, in other words.

Greedflation is rampant in the grocery sector, all around the world. Remember when the price of eggs doubled and they blamed in on bird-flu, even as the CEO of the one company that owns every egg brand you've ever heard of boasted about how he could hike prices and suckers would just pay it?

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/23/cant-make-an-omelet/#keep-calm-and-crack-on

In Canada, grocers rigged the price of bread, the most Les-Mis-ass form of corporate crime you can imagine (do you want guillotines, Galen Weston? Because this is how you get guillotines):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_price-fixing_in_Canada

EU grocers – another highly concentrated industry – also collude to rig prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

Which is all to say that while these companies don't have to use the twiddling capabilities that come with ESLs to enshittify their stores, we'd be pretty fucking naive to assume that they won't.

And here's the bad news: US grocers like Whole Foods (owned by Amazon, the company that wrote the enshittification playbook) are already experimenting with ESLs. So is Alberstons/Safeway, the massive, inbred conglomerate that has already demonstrated its passion for using twiddling to fuck over their workers:

https://knock-la.com/vons-fires-delivery-drivers-prop-22-e899ee24ffd0/

Economists love "price discrimination" – where prices change based on circumstance, trying to match the perfect price with the perfect customer. On paper, that sounds plausible: if I need a quart of milk for a recipe I'm making tonight and I get a 50% discount on some about-to-expire 2%, then everyone's better off. I get a discount and the grocer gets some money for milk they'd have to throw away at the end of the day.

But these elegant, self-licking ice-cream cones only emerge if the corporation offering the deal is constrained. Perhaps they're constrained by competition – the fear that you'll go elsewhere. Or perhaps they're constrained by regulation – the fear that they'll be punished if they use twiddling-tech to cheat you.

The grocery sector, dominated by a cartel of massive companies that routinely collude to rip us off, is not constrained by competition. And for years, regulators let them get away with ripping us off (though finally that might be changing):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/us/politics/grocery-prices-pandemic-ftc.html?unlocked_article_code=1.ek0.t2Pr.g4n2usbxEcoa

For neoclassical economists, the answer to all this is "caveat emptor" – let the buyer beware. If you want to make sure that ESLs are only used to offer you discounts and not to gouge prices, all you need to do is note the price of everything you buy, every time you buy it, and triple-check it every time you go back to the grocery store. Just be eternally vigilant!

Thing is, the one thing computers are much better at than humans is vigilance. With ESLs and other twiddling mechanisms, you're a fish on a hook, and the seller is tireless in giving you a little more slack, then a little less, until you finally drop your guard.

Economists desperately want these elegant models to work, but "efficient market hypothesis" is a brain-worm that always turns into apologetics for fraud. Dynamic markets sound like a good idea, but they are catnip for cheaters. "Just be eternally vigilant" is miserable advice, and no way to live your life:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

In his brilliant novel Spook Country, @GreatDismal describes augmented reality as "cyberspace everting" – that is, turning inside-out:

https://memex.craphound.com/2007/07/31/william-gibsons-spook-country/

The extrusion of twiddling technology from digital platforms into the physical world isn't cyberspace everting so much as it is cyberspace prolapsing.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags

[wumblr]

okay

For decades, nuclear power has been the largest source of clean energy in the United States, accounting for 19% of total energy produced last year

false. first sentence. off to a great start. you may notice this is a 2022 chart but i can tell you the only new reactors started since then are vogtle 3 and 4 (you may notice that's not a new power plant but new reactors at an existing plant), years late and $17b over budget, vogtle as a whole produces 1.1gwh, we use about 29 million annually. point being: it has not risen to 19%, the last reactor since vogtle was watts bar in 2016 and since then we've decommissioned 14 of them

The industry directly employs nearly 60,000 workers in good paying jobs

weirdly low estimate, almost by half

maintains these jobs for decades

"maintains" is doing a lot of work here, does that include toxic exposure payouts? because they are still fighting pretty hard to get those in the world's first nuclear contamination site, hanford

and supports hundreds of thousands of other workers

✅ true! 475,000 according to the NEI link above

In the midst of transformational changes taking place throughout the U.S. energy system

sure

the Biden-Harris Administration is continuing to build on President Biden’s unprecedented goal of a carbon free electricity sector by 2035

have they developed carbon free cement yet? (yes.) at scale? (no.) are we just not counting construction emissions because they're one-time emissions investments or how does this work exactly, i would love to know because i think we're also not counting emissions from waste transport to longterm storage because we haven't started doing that. anyway they've built a train for it even though we don't have a storage site so that's umm. that's uhh. fine i'm sure

while also ensuring that consumers across the country have access to affordable, reliable electric power

i guess you can still say "across the country" if you exclude texas as an outlier

and creating good-paying clean energy jobs.

i guess you can still call them good paying clean energy jobs if everybody who mines and refines the uranium dies of cancer because you just pulled out of the largest disarmament program in history due to it being geopolitically inadmissible (for russia... to continue... selling us the uranium from decommissioning...? i'm still trying to figure out the optics of that one but anyway as i have previously stated we didn't actually stop buying it in cases where it's "liable to cause supply chain issues")

Alongside renewable power sources like wind and solar, a new generation of nuclear reactors is now capturing the attention of a wide range of stakeholders

weird way to say that

for nuclear energy’s ability to produce clean, reliable energy and meet the needs of a fast-growing economy, driven by President Biden’s Investing in America agenda and manufacturing boom.

this is a carrier sentence to inject the president's name, but i would like to question which sectors of the growing economy are driving the most energy demand because i'm sure there are no nasty truths being elided there (it's computing)

The Administration recognizes that decarbonizing our power system, which accounts for a quarter of all the nation’s greenhouse gas emissions, represents a pivotal challenge requiring all the expertise and ingenuity our nation can deliver.

it's time once again for... the energy flow sankey chart! the reason the power system accounts for a quarter of greenhouse gas emissions is in no small part because 67% of it is lost to waste heat. has the nation's expertise and ingenuity started working on that yet

The Biden-Harris Administration is today hosting a White House Summit on Domestic Nuclear Deployment, highlighting the collective progress being made from across the public and private sectors

oh boy! a summit! talking about it is the same as doing it

Under President Biden’s leadership, the Administration has taken a number of actions to strengthen our nation’s energy and economic security by reducing – and putting us on the path to eliminating – our reliance on Russian uranium for civil nuclear power and building a new supply chain for nuclear fuel

gosh, i got ahead of myself and already criticized both of those things

including: signing on to last year’s multi-country declaration at COP28 to triple nuclear energy capacity globally by 2050

everybody criticized that

developing new reactor designs

which ones, the bill gates project that just got cancelled because utilities pulled out (edit: that's nuscale, the bill gates project is terrapower), the rolls royce submarine, or the one that just got regulatory approval (edit: this is also nuscale)

extending the service lives of existing nuclear reactors

yep! you sure showed the embrittlement at diablo canyon by doing nothing about it

and growing the momentum behind new deployments

nonsense clause, but it has this really ominous undercurrent due to its vagueness

Recognizing the importance of both the existing U.S. nuclear fleet and continued build out of large nuclear power plants, the U.S. is also taking steps to mitigate project risks associated with large nuclear builds and position U.S. industry to support an aggressive deployment target.

this one is not nonsense but they can't just out and out say "we are deregulating the industry because opening the process for public comment is most often the thing that slows it down" because then somebody might realize they're bulldozing ahead no matter what any constituent says, does, or actually wants

To help drive reactor deployment while ensuring ratepayers and project stakeholders are better protected, theAdministration is announcing today the creation of a Nuclear Power Project Management and Delivery working group that will draw on leading experts from across the nuclear and megaproject construction industry to help identify opportunities to proactively mitigate sources of cost and schedule overrun risk

i'm sure a revolving door working group packed with industry insiders can solve this without compromising their commitment to the profit motive, not that it particularly matters since the cost is passed on to the consumer in the form of fees on the electric bill

The United States Army is also announcing that it will soon release a Request for Information to inform a deployment program for advanced reactors to power multiple Army sites in the United States

good god... that is a fresh nightmare i did not see coming

Additionally, the Department of Energy released today a new primer highlighting the expected enhanced safety of advanced nuclear reactors

"expected" really serves to demonstrate several points i've made

i'm going to stop going line by line here because i know this is already too boring and long for anyone to read this far, unless anybody wants to know what i think about parts 50, 52, and 53 of the NRC licensing guidance -- which many of you have very clearly stated over the years that you don't -- and while i do want to acknowledge that it does go into more detail and even answer some of the questions i raised (vogtle comes up, diablo canyon comes up, a list of which SMR designs is given, or at least a list of the companies responsible for them),

what i would like to focus on is one conspicuous absence:

the reason we need a new fleet of reactors is because they are an essential part of the bomb production chain. they are the beginning of the refinement process, and we cannot carry out the plan (already underway) to replace the minutemen missiles currently in silos with sentinel missiles without significant new construction. we cannot start the president's desired wars with russia and china without the new sentinels. he's not going to be the one to carry this out, he's ensuring whoever is his successor in about 2030 or more likely 2040 will be armed to do so. limited amount of time left to prevent that

[canonical-transformation]

Genshin ships: stock market update (Natlan Act 3+4)

(Warning: May contain spoilers for character appearances and dynamics in [Chapter 5 Act 3–4] Beyond the Smoke and Mirrors and The Rainbow Destined to Burn. Previous entries here.) This is for entertainment purposes only and is not financial advice: consult with your ship financial advisor before you invest.

Citlali/Traveller — This ship has everything. Handholding. Accidental mind reading tropes. Fast friendships in middle age. Drunken soul-baring. Palm reading. Coparenting dynamics. They sat and watched the moon together. BUY.

Capitano/Traveller — HOLD. Solid starting potential but their interactions have all been too high stakes to get a sense of how their personalities interact.

Mavuika/Capitano — SELL OR HOLD. Too early to call; Act 5 could make or break this.

Mavuika/Xilonen — Our previous recommendation has changed; it's now a strong BUY. Our analysts say they haven't seen this level of weary fondness since 2021's "pay your fines, Captain", and Dainsleif hinting that Xilonen does everything in her power to avoid being around when Mavuika turns up is just icing on the cake.

Kinich/K'uhul Ajaw — HOLD. Just because two people are married doesn't mean there's a ship in there. Sometimes it's just for tax purposes.

Paimon/K'uhul Ajaw — SELL. The world's best travel guide deserves someone who will treat her with respect, such as... uh... Sorush?

Mehrak/K'uhul Ajaw — be serious.

Traveller/Teleport Waypoints — after Act 4? As if. SELL.

Enjou/Aether — BUY BUY BUY does this even need explaining?

Enjou/Lumine — HOLD. Our analysts hurriedly added, “Nonono it's not a gender thing, it's because Aether likes Pyro slimes and Lumine likes Cryo slimes more so really we should be shipping Lumine with the Maguu Kenki or something.”

Chasca/Shenhe — SELL. Bird mating rituals aren't nearly as fun without the possibility of oviposition. Or, um. So I heard. Stick with Xianyun/Kujou Sara.

Cyno/Kinich — *sigh*, no, SELL. Too (ki-)niche.

Ronova/Xbalanque — HOLD OR BUY. Btw, are we sure the Archon War made it west of Liyue? >_>

Citlali/Faruzan — HOLD. It's too early to compare their traumas for thematic compatibility, but it's not out of the question. Watch this space.

Citlali/Draff — *wince*

------

We tend not to advise on heavily optioned stocks due to all the short selling activity, but for those of you who were wondering:

Citlali/Ororon — too volatile to call. This is the first explicit (grand)parental relationship between playable characters, so it technically fills a niche, but it's unclear whether that's a niche anyone went into Genshin looking for.

Chuychu/Chasca — the analysts just gave me a really withering look so I guess SELL? "Too soon"? What's that supposed to mean? She's just resting her eyes, right?

Mavuika/Nahida — SELL OR HOLD. The motif of memories as fuel is great and all but Mavuika is way too young.

Ematol/Phonia — SELL. The worst part is that they're not even the kind of sisters where that would have any transgressive je ne sais quoi. They're just like flatmates. Bert and Ernie minus the chemistry.

And that's it for now. Keep an eye on the Sumeru market later this patch— we're expecting predictable dividend payouts on all the blue chip stocks.

[adobe-outdesign]

Earning NP in 2024: A Quick-Start Guide for New and Old Users

I feel like there’s a lot of people that struggle with making NP nowadays, both due to shifts in what is/isn’t profitable and a lack of clear direction for new players, so I thought I’d put this together to see if it helps anyone. (This was originally written for Reddit, but I figured people over here might find it useful as well.)

IMPORTANT: This guide just tells you what to do, not how things work. I’d recommend looking up more in-depth resources if you would like to understand the specific mechanics.

Also, please note that this guide is just what I’ve found most effective. Feel free to sound off in the comments if you want to add something you think is useful.

Part 1: The Big 8

The Big 8 are the dailies that I’ve found to be incredibly profitable; just doing these each day will earn you tens of millions of NP over a few months, and they’re pretty fast to complete. If you don’t do anything else, do these.

Bank Interest

Click the “collect interest” button.

Always collect your interest before you do anything else—remember, you can’t collect after depositing or withdrawing NP.

Note: Upgrade your account type (at the bottom of the bank page) as you save. This permanently increases your interest rate.

The interest rate does NOT go back down if you dip below the required amount after upgrading.

Shop Till

Technically this is just collecting the money from items you’ve sold, but if you follow this guide you’ll likely have a tidy sum to collect each day :)

The one is listed second because you can jump straight from here to Trudy’s, as the till’s old layout will make the Trudy’s notification appear if it hasn’t already.

Trudy’s Surprise

Click the “play” button.

Do this each day for 25 days to collect a 100K prize.

Note: Trudy’s also gives out Basic Gift Boxes, which are useful for NC trading.

Quest Log

First, check your weekly prize. To do this, click on the slider button to switch from your daily prize to your weekly one. Check the price of the prize.

If you like your weekly prize:

Complete all of your daily quests.

When all daily quests are complete, click on the NP bag to collect your 20K reward.

HIT REFRESH WHEN DONE. The clock at the top-right corner will disappear. This has to be done or the completion may not take.

Repeat for the week, then click on your prize at the end of the week to claim it.

If you do not like your weekly prize and want to change it:

Complete 4/5 of your daily quests (whichever ones are most profitable)

For the last quest, click the red “skip quest” button and confirm.

REFRESH THE PAGE. Once again, this is important.

The next day you should have a new prize. Continue skipping a quest per day until you get an item you like.

If you want to reset your weekly prize but already completed some days:

Follow the steps above. When you return the next day, your progress will be reset but your weekly prize will be the same.

Follow the steps above one more time. When you return the next day, you should have a new weekly prize.

Stock Market

To buy shares:

Go to the bargains page above.

Look in the right-hand column titled “curr” and find a stock with the number 15 (the cheapest you can buy shares at).

Copy the four-letter ticker symbol in the left-hand column labeled “ticker”.

Click on the “buy” link above and enter paste the ticker symbol into the first box, then enter “1000” into the second box (this is the max amount of shares you can buy per day). This will cost you 15K NP.

Repeat daily. Remember to diversify your portfolio (which is a fancy way of saying buy shares for different companies to increase your odds of getting a payout).

After you have bought a stock, go to the “my portfolio” page and look in the “current price” column.

If the number there is greater than 15, you have made a profit.

It is up to you to decide when to sell the stock. Waiting until 40–60 is average, but you can decide your own preferences here.

DO NOT ever sell a stock under 15. The stock market no longer crashes, so a stock that drops down has no choice but to eventually bounce back up.

Note: The stock market is a long-term investment. You may need to wait long periods of time before seeing a profit depending on how often you sell.

Food Club

Unlike other dailies, Food Club rolls over at 2:15 p.m. NST.

At 5:00 p.m. NST, a few Food Club board will automatically go up on this subreddit.

Click on the board and pick a betting table you like from the comments. I highly recommend u/nsheng’s standard or aggressive sets.

Once you have your table, submit your bets. To do this:

Click on “place a bet”.

Start with row 1 of your chosen betting table. On the “place a bet” page, select one pirate from each drop-down menu, then click the far-left checkbox for each.

Enter your betting amount. Your max bet is listed on the “place a bet” page, or you can enter a different amount. MAKE SURE THE AMOUNT IS THE SAME FOR EACH BET.

Hit “place this bet!”. Repeat this process ten times for all ten rows of your chosen betting table.

At 2:15 the next day, click “collect your winnings”, then go back to the “place a bet” page and enter that day’s 10 bets once the betting tables are posted on Reddit.

Note 1: How much you can bet (and by extension, make) depends on your account age, so this may be less useful to new players. It’s free passive NP either way however.

Note 2: There will be days you experience losses with Food Club. On average you will make back much more than what you invest as long as you stick with it, but with that said, make sure you’re only betting amounts you feel comfortable losing.

Battledome

The Battledome is unique in that you have to put some time and money into it to get something out of it, but the rewards are usually pretty high (making 100K+ a day isn’t uncommon).

To get started, you will need to train your pet and get them some weapons.

For training, follow the steps at the bottom of Battlepedia’s “Beginners’ Guide to Training” here.

For weapons, pick a beginner’s set from Battlepedia’s “Beginners’ Weapon Recommendations” here.

Once you have a basic weapon set and some beginner training, you’ll need to pick an opponent. Not all opponents are worth fighting!

/~SeasonalAttackP breaks down the stats, but the shortened version is that you’ll want to fight these opponents in this order, working your way up as you go (for difficulty, chose the hardest level you can manage for each opponent).

For premium users:

For regular users:

The end goal is to get to the point where your pet can 1-shot your chosen opponent with a single weapon without taking damage (this allows for the fastest dailies run possible). To do this:

Train your pet up to level 50 and give them the lens flare ability. This prevents opponents from attacking.

Give your pet a powerful bomb-type weapon. I recommend Varia is the Bomb, which currently goes for 3–5 mil and does 25 icons.

Train up your pet’s strength. How high your strength needs to be for a one-shot depends on what opponent you’re focusing on and if you’re using one or two weapons; you can use Battlepedia’s damage calculator here to get an idea.

You can earn up to 15 items a day; how many items you get per battle is random. DO NOT stop battling until the “You have reached the item limit for today! You can continue to fight, but no more items can be earned” message pops up.

(Note: You can continue to earn items after the “You have reached the NP limit for today” message pops up. It’s only when the item message appears that you can’t earn anything more.)

Stock Your Shop

Do this last so you can price any items you obtained from the previous 7 dailies.

Try to do this once per day, which will prevent massive backlogs of unpriced items taking up space in your shop.

Note: If you already have a backlog, you can use Jellyneo’s shop price checker to get an idea of how to price things—but use caution and double-check prices when appropriate, as the checker may not always be accurate.

Part 2: Optional Dailies

These won’t make you nearly as many NPs as the above, but if you’re in a hurry to earn NP these are useful additions. All of these have been vetted as low/no risk with either a decent daily reward or a slim chance at a very large reward.

Daily Puzzle (Note: Answers are posted on Jellyneo)

Rich Slorg

Anchor Management

Forgotten Shore (Note: You need all 9 map pieces for access; just buy them on the SW, as they’re dirt cheap)

Coltzan's Shrine

Deserted Tomb

Grave Danger (Note: Need a petpet attached to one of your pets for this one)

Fruit Machine

The Discarded Magical Blue Grundo Plushie of Prosperity

Tombola

Mysterious Negg Cave (Note: This one has a little puzzle to solve)

Faerie Caverns

Wishing Well (Note: Place 7 wishes @ 22 NP every 12 hours; you can use the recent winner’s list to get an idea of expensive items you can wish for)

Buried Treasure

Ye Olde Fishing Vortex

Part 3: Assorted Tips

Make sure to place any large amounts of NP into the bank immediately to protect yourself from random events. (I recommend keeping around 30K–50K on hand.)

Likewise, put any expensive items in your SDB or shop immediately.

It’s easier to make NP if you have NP. Try to save past your goals before making a large purchase so you have a “cushion” left over—it will save you a lot of time in the future.

Restocking used to be a good way to make NP, but currently bots snatch up all the valuable items. You can do it on the side and make a small profit by focusing on less profitable items, but it’s generally a time-intensive low-profit option.

Likewise, (traditional) games are a huge time sink with almost no profits (only 3K/game). Don’t bother unless you just want to play for fun.

For older players: You can use Jellyneo’s SDB Price Checker to find expensive items in your SDB to sell. Remember to double-check the prices on the SW/TP before selling!

Also for older players: Don’t forgot to check for unneeded Battledome weapons, old TCG cards, Neohome items, NeoDeck cards, and unused plot points.

It’s generally a good idea to sit on items from plots/events for a little while before selling—the price usually goes up over time (don’t wait too long though or it might be re-released!).

Always participate in plots and events when possible. Not only are they engaging, but the prizes are usually worth a decent amount.

And most importantly, remember to have fun!

[multiplicationdivision]

Company Policy

Milo was stuck on the worst run he’d ever taken. Cargo needed in 2 days and just under that time to get there in his truck if he drove without sleeping. It would have been near torture and even if the payout was better than amazing, it wasn’t something he would’ve taken a week ago.

Milo had a trick these days.

He’d picked up a hitchhiker. A backpacking twenty something, dumb and rugged. A golden retriever of a man that was handsome in a sense, but not in any way Milo was interested in. Too sweet and trusting for him. Men didn’t last long around him like that.

Especially now.

He’d been sweaty when Milo had picked him up, his shirt wet with the hot sun and turned to mud from the dust. That’s what you ask for travelling around the middle of the southern nowhere. Barely a thing worth shit on the endless roads between truck stops and motels. Maybe a rattlesnake or two.

It had been easy to get the happy fool to wear one of his backup Tees. He kept his spare uniforms in the back, enough to last him the long trips. Gray polyester that was boringly company policy to wear no matter what. Like Milo was employed under Amazon or FedEx instead the knock off generic delivery company that was obsessed with him maintaining their nonexistent brand.

Company policy was absolute. Not the soft idea of absolute, Milo receiving consequences for not following the rules or maybe even getting fired. Nothing weak and mundane like that.

Company policy like this was some mind-bending shit. It wasn’t something that could be broken, not by Milo who’d already signed his employment contract. He was bound by it’s rules and it would be a claustrophobic feeling had he not gotten such a good contract. Great pay, great time off and an understanding boss. He could deal with the strange aspects of that contract for the benefits. Even manipulate them sometimes.

Only employees can wear their uniform. The contract states that on page 2 in full bold letters. Followed by a bunch of stipulations about assignment of uniform sizes and assorted accommodations.

The hitchhiker wore one of his shirts now. His ragged sweaty one was somewhere on the floor, balled up under the passenger seat. The man had said it was surprisingly comfortable for a uniform. Said he’d worked as a cashier for some fast-food joint and that theirs were scratchy. He’d said he was surprised Milo’s shirt fit him so well.

Company policy demands that only the employee who owns the uniform wears the uniform. Milo wondered if the hitchhiker noticed how baggy the shirt was on him minutes ago. How it sagged around his shoulders, the man smaller than him by far. Now it fit perfectly, tight against his skin.

Milo asks if the man knows about his favorite TV show. Some niche drama going back to the 90s, echoing the same plots over and over and over. The hitchhiker squints his darkening eyebrows, recognition blooming in real time. The man just remembering something he’d surely never watched.

He’d been clean shaven, but now the guy’s face was covered in a shadow that Milo recognized. He’d discuss his travels as he gazed outside. Not noticing the moment when the tales of a hitchhiker faded into recollections of hauls gone hilariously wrong.

Milo watched the changes out the corner of his eye, relaxing as the awkward conversation became easy. Their language becoming more and more alike by the second, the nervous dog of a man becoming loud like Milo. Discussing their nearly identical plan of scaling the Devil’s Tower and free climbing whatever parts of the Grand Canyon they could get to. Bragging about how little they needed to workout with so much time to spend climbing.

The other made sounds of discomfort every now and then. Milo wondered if it hurt to have a life scooped out and filled in again. It was likely just disorienting, the hitchhiker seeming to try to recount his college years only to remember that he’d been a cross country trucker for the last six years. He’d laughed about how nice it was that truckers could rely on each other when they needed help. Milo joked that it was hard not to pick him up when he was so handsome. They laughed because they looked remarkably similar.

At some point, Milo realized that he had ended up in the passenger seat. As if he’d slowly bled into existence without the awareness to realize it. Feeling a slight desynchrony from the still sweaty cargo shorts and trainers he’d been left with. The other Milo laughed at him when he complained. They both knew he had brought an extra pair of sneakers for this exact situation.

They were mirror images now, matching short beards and curly hair. A situation they were both used to by now. Three times policy had assured that the person wearing his uniform was Milo, no matter how it broke the rules of reality to do so. They were short staffed so his boss had told him to keep it coming.

Milo would always have a buddy for the road, someone to trade shifts with as the other slept. Another Milo keeping him company in every state, at every stop. It only cost a few nobodies and a shirt or pants.

It was a good trick.

[dairy-farmer]

Jason and vulnerable Tim scenario 1

While stalking Tim in preparation for the titan's tower debacle. Jason discovers that Tim lives alone. Now there are a lot of options for traumatizing a vulnerable robin and get revenge on Bruce.

Through threats and blackmail directed at tim + some bribes and forgeries, Jason takes on the identity of uncle Ed and gets a restraining order against Bruce. Tim is now basically his property, and he can't be robin if he's spending all his after-school hours getting his holes broken in.

No need to sacrifice his criminal empire. He can just keep his living fleshlight on his lap during meetings, or bent over his desk while Tim has to do homework. Jason of course takes education very seriously, so Tim has to attend class even with an obscenely pregnant belly. Jason has always wanted a large family.

!!!! yessssss yes yes yes!!!!!

jason comes up with the idea of becoming tim's fake uncle in a stroke of genius while devising his other plans. jason can break in and beat tim senseless, can reach him anywhere bruce tries to hide him and maybe will even wait for bruce to send tim away to "protect" him just for jason to reach him anyway and show bruce how powerless he really is against an unrelenting force. but realizing tim lives alone? that there's no legal guardian or adult present after his father has been killed because the gotham social system is so backed up by cases that it slips under the radar especially since tim's case is marked low priority by his case worker when jason breaks into the offices for his file.

bruce has assumed that tim's custody has been taken care of and tim has a guardian that presumably he can still slip to be robin and tim hasn't told him otherwise about his empty apartment and dwindling food in his fridge while tim awaits his father's life insurance policy payout.

the two aren't communicating or talking to each other about shit as important as this, leaving a huge mile-wide gap in their partnership, more than enough room for jason to just...slip it.

tim is easy enough to corner, he lives alone after all. the first time jason breaks in his fake uncle plan hadn't even begun to blosoom. he'd just broken in to get the kid on edge, make him think he was being robbed by a home invader and he was all by himself. robin or not the jolt of fear or dread would hit any kid the moment they realized they were on their own against an intruder in their home. jason doesn't fuck him up too much, not wanting to tip off bruce. but he does fuck him up a little...well more like jason just fucks him. tim is squirmy but his baby cunt is tight and hot as jason fucks him hard and fast where he pinned him down on his bed. a few nights later he returns to do the same and little timmy is so sleep deprived from staying up the previous nights that he can't fight back.

then, when jason is in the shower, letting the water run down his back while jacking off and thinking about the vice of tim's cunt- that's when the idea hits him.

it's genius.

drawing up papers and making up a fake uncle to get custody of tim granted to him. trapping tim close and allowing him to hurt bruce with the whole 'you're an older man who isn't family trying to get close to my nephew???'. jason could make up lies as the concerned uncle and get a restraining order on bruce and how that would infuriate him because as brucie he still forced himself to abide by the law and he would risk to much of the public focusing on him by making a big deal out of it.

jason would admit he was always more of a 'physical' punishment rather than a 'psychological' kind of guy. but torturing bruce from a distance was just something he couldn't pass up. especially if bruce could FEEL something was off about tim's uncle but unable to do anything about it.

so jason is very happy with how his plan pans out. he gets to torment bruce and get pussy on the regular from tim who is so utterly incapable of being robin what with his watchful "uncle" always over his shoulder. and even if he could get away plans to being robin would have to wait for while, maybe oh 9 or so months given how little timmy was beginning to pudge a little in the front whenever jason would fuck him.

tuly this was the best plan jason had ever come up with. bar none.