#Fans who think he peaked in the 50s are kidding themselves

[arealtrashact]

Do you have a favorite Elvis song? Or an album?👀👀

Why oh why would you ask me such an impossible question !

If you're twisting my arm.......... I'd say American Trilogy. The last minute of his 'Aloha' rendition of it never fails to give me chills. There really is no word to describe it other than EPIC.

[aforrestofstuff]

Chapter 149 Expert Review Time

Hey gamers what’s up time for another CHAPTER 👏 REVIEW 👏

It was looking kinda bleak last time for pretty much everyone so I’m hoping things improved this time around, but it seems Murata and ONE are kinda going through their “I’m going to put my characters through the MOST” phase so… that feels unlikely. But nevertheless… still excited to see my favorite boys.

The 10000th Psychic Sister cover. Murata, I’m begging you. There’s literally like 30 other characters to choose from. I know you like drawing boobs but imma need you to put the pencil down for a minute and take a walk because this just ain’t IT.

“Summer is coming” it is July. Summer has been here for ten years. I’m so fucking hot all the time. Everything has been evaporated out of me and I’m literally a raisin.

The Psychic Sisters covers are just so devoid of life a lot of the time… I wouldn’t mind if it was them fighting or engaging in everyday activities but when they’re posed for the camera and deliberately placed there to look sexy it just sucks all the human out of them. The cover/splash page is a great chance to show characters in a new light!!! It’s mostly set away from the story so you can do whatever you want! Choosing to make 80 fanservice covers is just wasted opportunity for what could be additional character development. It’s gotten to a point where even the smegma-slinging bitchboys on Reddit are complaining about the excessive sexy covers…. When PussySlayer384756 complains that there’s too much tittage being shown, that’s how you KNOW we’ve got a problem. Now, idk how the fan climate is in Japan but I can’t imagine they’re feeling much different over there either.

Also, her anatomy is… janky. Her tit is bigger than her head, her belly is too long, and she’s got like 4 spare ribs. Like, I’m by no means an art expert but it doesn’t take a chef to know the soup is shit, you know what I mean? I feel like page after page of Murata drawing obscene muscle men has made him rusty on what should be (somewhat) normal-looking people.

Darkshine learns what TRUE peak male performance looks like.

You’ve gotta wonder how Darkshine even got to the S-Class to begin with when he pussies out of nearly every single fight… except the one where the opponent was literal water. Everyone says that he just joined the association for additional validation, and I believe it… this boy is not cut out for actual hero-ing. 99% Of the time HE’S the one who needs a hero.

It kinda bothers me how useless he’s been post-Garou fight, especially when we spent like an entire chapter trying to console his ass. I get that’s part of his character and development… but it’s begun to slow things down. We get it. We don’t need to see him be insecure every time a new enemy pops up. One was enough. We would’ve gotten the same effect if he just sat out the entire time post-consolation, because everything that’s happened to him on the surface has been kinda redundant.

Here comes the boooyyy 🎶🎶

Nice callback. I’m glad Metal Bat is finally here. Bitch runs slow as fuck.

It’s nice to see him act on his own agency instead of orders from the hero association. He’s clearly much happier when helping out on his own accord, and has a ton of initiative too. The chapter he got with just he and King meeting up and slingshotting themselves to the fight was really a breath of fresh air from all of the fighting. It’s moments like these where ONE remembers that people like OPM for the characters, and not necessarily the pretty action sequences. I really like this duo. I like Metal Bat. I like it when they’re given time to be themselves and not just vessels for the next fight scene.

I know I said I wanted the heroes to die but Murata I’m begging you please don’t kill the child. You can kill Puri, though. I hate that fucker.

Child Emperor regularly visiting and eating with Bofoi even despite being his lab assistant would be a lot cuter if Bofoi wasn’t the human equivalent to a dog turd. I might’ve overstated that… seems like Bofoi is just using him as an errand boy. The clear lack of respect he has for CE is very indicative of his character and is not necessarily a bad thing plot-wise, but I would still like to beat him with a cane. Additionally, it’s clear that he’s not going to help the heroes here. At least, I don’t think so. His “fuck them kids” attitude seems to be a pretty big pillar in the building of his character and I doubt ONE would jeopardize that just because he’s written himself into a corner. Oh, well. We’ll see.

It’s very sweet that even when near death, CE still thinks of Zombieman. Aaaaghh it’s so GOOD when the characters actually LIKE each other. I know realistically not everyone is gonna be friends but man… it would be a lot cooler if we got more insight on their chemistry. Pleaz have more Metal Bat-and-King-esque chapters. I wanna see how everyone gets along.

Also, the concept of Puri just manifesting drilling powers and carving through solid rock with nothing else but pure strength and determination is so funny. A little convenient, sure, but I really don’t care because it’s actually done well. Their reunion scene is hilarious. More stuff like this pleaz….

I don’t even know what to say about Genos here. Dude, I know you made an oath to protect Tatsumaki or whatever, but there’s no shame in a good bail. You can’t even bail anymore because your damn legs are gone. See, this is what happens when you make promises. The secret to keeping your legs intact is doing the bare minimum. Hope this helps ❤️

He’s making a valiant effort but… I’m afraid he just ain’t gonna do much while roleplaying as a worm. Maybe he’ll make a chrysalis and come out as a butterfly. Wait, that’s caterpillars. Fuck. TATSUMAKI IS A GONER, BRO. WE NEED YOU TO BE THE DEUTERAGONIST!! IF YOU DIE WE LOSE 70% OF MERCH SALES NOOOOOOOO

Local man has a heart attack in front of thousands of little monsters and somehow saves the world, more at 5.

King I’m begging you please get that shit checked out that’s not NORMAL.

Yeah, I like this conclusion. Very tasteful cliffhanger. I mean we know King ain’t gonna do shit but SOMEHOW black sperm is gonna get punted like the little cumstain he is. Can’t wait to see the events that unfold next chapter… it seems like every scene that involves King turns out to be really funny and I’m super looking forward to black sperm seeing Jesus.

Also, a little off-topic but I just really like the way Murata inked his pants. Got a real comic book feel to it. I mean, he’s just really good at drawing clothes overall (save for Fubuki’s body-tight dress that is 100% not how women’s clothing works but I digress). Fucker understands fabric physics like I understand how to make a bomb ass chicken parm. I respect it.

In conclusion, lower everyone’s expectations of you and you might get to keep your arms and legs. This has been Life Lessons from Forrest. You now owe me 50$.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Do you any suggestion for Super Sentai?plz

*cracks knuckles*

Well first off, if anyone wanting to get into Super Sentai watched Power Rangers growing up, I’d check out the series whatever season you watched was adapted from to see how things went there in comparison to how they were in the United States. So if you grew up with the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, watch Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger. If you don’t know what the Sentai the season you grew up with is called, I’d check out RangerWiki, which provides a lot of information on both franchises.

I’d also recommend checking out a few episodes of the very first Super Sentai entry, Himitsu Sentai Gorenger. Not all 84 episodes, mind you, but I’d just watch a few to see where Super Sentai got its roots from, because the team football attack gets referenced a lot further down the line. Yes, you read that correctly.

But for individual seasons for beginners, it’s harder for me to answer. Super Sentai has varied aesthetically and tonally across its 45 year run. Some shows are dark and gritty, while others are light-hearted and goofy. Some shows have a vehicle motif, while others use animals for a motif. So the seasons I’m going to talk about will cover all kinds of tones and themes across the years. I also haven’t seen every single entry, so these are the ones I’ve seen that I recommend for beginners.

Denshi Sentai Denziman (1980-1981, 51 Episodes)

Centuries ago, the evil Vader Clan conquered and decimated the Denzi Civilization. In the modern day, the talking dog IC awoke from his slumber when the Vader Clan began their invasion of Earth. So IC recruits five people to become the Denzimen to defend their planet and stop the Vader Clan once and for all.

The first three seasons of Super Sentai were very experimental, but Denziman was where Toei started to get an identity for Sentai down. Not only would the black visors and sculpted mouthpieces become a staple for Sentai’s (and by extension, Power Rangers) suit designs, but this was also the first season to really start a few Sentai traditions. It was the first season to have female villains, the first to use a transformation device for the heroes, the first time the monsters grew to fight the team’s giant robot.

The Denzimen, while not really going through any character development, are still very likable characters, especially Denzi Blue/Daigoro (played by legendary tokusatsu actor Kenji Ohba). The villains are also a lot of fun, a real improvement from the first three villain groups, who were all basically Earth-based terrorist organizations and/or death cults. The Vader Clan is full of villains who are just as entertaining to watch as the heroes, especially Queen Hedrian, played by the late Machiko Soga, who would later go on to play Witch Bandora, the character Rita Repulsa is adapted from in Power Rangers. There’s not that much of an ongoing for most of the series, and it can get pretty goofy at times, but it’s still a really good show.

Choushinsei Flashman (1986-1987, 50 Episodes). 

Five infants are abducted by the Reconstructive Experiment Empire Mess to use as test subjects for experimentation, but are saved by benevolent aliens from the Flash Solar System. They all spend the next twenty years in the system developing their combat skills and special powers until they decide to head back to Earth to fight Mess themselves as the Flashmen, despite the warnings of their alien caretakers.

The 1980s are usually referred to by fans as Super Sentai’s golden age, with a string of great seasons thanks to famed writer Hirohisa Soda. Flashman is no exception. While Denziman tended to have more stand-alone episodes, Flashman is more story-driven. Later on, there’s a really dark plot twist that I don’t want to give away. Admittedly, some of the special effects can be dated to showcase the Flashmen’s powers in addition to stock footage being reused a lot, but the action and camerawork are still fast-paced and rarely do the fight scenes get boring.

The villains are the kind you love to hate, and their actors all give great performances, especially the late Unsho Ishizuka (the Japanese voice of Professor Oak) as Great Emperor La Deus. This is easily one of the darker Super Sentai entries, but if you don’t mind that, I highly recommend it.

Choujuu Sentai Liveman (1988-1989 49 Episodes). 

At an academy for the finest minds in the world, three of the students feel their talents are being wasted on designing a satellite to conduct scientific research. They soon join up with Great Professor Bias, leader of the Armed Brain Army Volt, who takes them all under his wing as his students and generals. Before they leave, they kill two students, leaving their three friends traumatized. Two years later, Volt begins its plan to conquer Earth, but the three friends of the two victims developed their own technology to fight them as the Livemen in the two years since they last saw their former classmates. Bias’ students have developed their own abilities through mutating their bodies, starting a conflict between some of the most intelligent youths in the world while figuring out what Bias’ evil plan is...

Some Sentai fans consider this to be even darker than Flashman at times due to the themes discussed. Unlike earlier seasons, the heroes have a more personal connection to the villains, and act as foils to them in terms of morality. The show also has some surprisingly deep themes at times, deconstructing the harsh standards the Japanese have for education and the effects they can have on people. Seriously, the main villain, Great Professor Bias, sets up a competition for his generals as a way to advance his plans, treating it like a high academic honor. 

This series also has some amazing special effects for the time. This was the first Sentai series to have an animal motif, so they go all out by using one of the most complicated models for his giant robotic lion, a stunning innovation for special effects. It was also the first series to introduce the gimmick of combining two robots, which is a genius marketing tactic when you think about it, motivating kids to buy both robots to combine them. Even putting those technical aspects aside, this is still one of the most iconic Super Sentai seasons, and a must-watch for beginners.

Choujin Sentai Jetman (1991-1992, 51 Episodes)

An elite soldier is chosen for a top-secret military project meant to turn him into the leader of a team of supersoldiers called the Jetmen. After he gets his powers, the satellite base is attacked by the Dimensional War Party Vyram. Not only are the four remaining “Birdonic Waves” meant to empower the rest of the Jetmen scattered across Earth, powering four civilians instead, but the soldier’s fiance is killed in the process. So he has to recruit the rest of the Jetmen and form a competent team to stop the Vyram from conquering their dimension.

A lot of Precure fans view Heartcatch as the best series in the entire franchise, and many Sentai fans view Jetman the same way. It was a huge success in ratings and toy sales, which actually helped to save Super Sentai from cancellation after the disastrous sales and ratings of the previous series, Chikyuu Sentai Fiveman. It also had some elements that made it stand out from earlier Sentai seasons. While I’ve talked about how Marinette was forced to become Guardian against her will while the show doesn’t acknowledge it, this show actually does point out that almost the entire team is a group of civilians with no combat experience. Earlier episodes are not only spent assembling the team, but also training them to better fight the Vyram and pilot their giant robot.

The series introduced a love triangle for three of the Jetmen, and while controversial among fans, was very popular with Japanese mothers, who were rumored to find Gai/Black Condor very attractive and begged Toei to not kill him off. The love triangle, while arguably one of the weakest parts of this show (but still better written than the Love Square), was part of the main theme of the team being more conflicted, showing they weren’t all best friends all the time.

This extended to the Vyram, who also tended to fight with each other over their plans to conquer the Earth. Sure, there was the occasional villain in earlier seasons who tried to overthrow the big bad, but this was the first time we had a whole group of villains trying to one-up each other. The best way to describe the Vyram is if the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia were supervillains who were still competent at their jobs.

The series is also incredibly dark, and is often seen as the darkest Sentai has ever gotten. There’s a lot more violence and blood than usual, and a lot more onscreen deaths that aren’t just limited to the villains. Humans are actively killed or hurt in the crossfire, and it shows just how painful this war is. And because of all of that and many other reasons, this is seen as the peak of Super Sentai. If you have to watch a single Sentai series, watch Jetman.

Ninja Sentai Kakuranger (1994-1995, 53 Episodes)

During Japan’s Sengoku Era, a team of five ninja sealed away the leader of an army of Youkai, rendering their kind powerless. In the present day, one of the few surviving Youkai tricks two bikers, who are actually descendants of two of the ninja in the past, into undoing the seal and giving all of the Youkai their powers back. Another descendant of the ninja recruits them into taking on the legacy of their ancestors to fight the Youkai, becoming the Kakurangers.

The 1990s were when Super Sentai was starting to delve more into fantasy elements rather than just science-fiction, and also started to take on a more light-hearted tone. Kakuranger is no exception. It’s a lot more goofy than the other entries, even using comic book-style graphics during its fight scenes. There’s also a narrator who appears to explain the history of the Youkai of the week, a detail I really like. While this show is still unashamedly goofy, it still gets more serious in the second half, but never loses its comedic moments entirely.

Like with Jetman, Kakuranger shows the reality of drafting two civilians to fight a war against the supernatural, with only one of the first three Kakurangers knowing how to fight. That Kakuranger in question, Tsuruhime/Ninja White, is easily one of the best Sentai heroines of all time. Not only was the first female and non-Red to lead a Sentai team, but she was only fifteen years old while the other Kakurangers were in their twenties. Marinette could learn a lot from her, and no, that’s not an insult. Tsuruhime is a complete badass, and a team-up with Ladybug would be the coolest thing ever.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, watch Kakuranger.

Kyukyu Sentai GoGoV (1999-2000, 50 Episodes)

The demonic children of the Grand Witch Grandiene begin causing natural disasters to bring destruction to Earth in order to revive their mother. In response, five rescue workers who also happen to be siblings are recruited by their estranged father to become a team dedicated to saving lives from the Psyma Family’s actions.

Did anyone ever watch Rescue Heroes as a kid? Imagine that show, but with the intensity turned up to eleven. This show is epic, with amazing action and some of the coolest giant robots in Sentai history. One of their robots is a giant train armed to the teeth with guns. Even putting aside the action, this show does a great job at highlighting all the dedication rescue workers have to their jobs by showing a lot of rescue scenes in addition to having GoGoV fight the Psyma. It even teaches the audience about firefighters from Japan’s Edo Period. There’s really not a lot of shows that explain what rescue workers were like in the past, which shows just how invested this show is in teaching people about rescue workers.

While this wasn’t the first Sentai series to feature a team of siblings (the first being the aforementioned Fiveman), I think it managed to capture the dynamic best. Family is a key theme of the series, with the healthy relationship between GoGoV contrasting with the more toxic environment the Psyma Family has.

This is easily one of the most action-packed Sentai series ever made. It is literally Fire Force twenty years before that anime premiered, and it is AWESOME.

Tokusou Sentai Dekaranger (2004-2005, 50 Episodes)

In the not-too-distant future (Next Sunday, A.D.), the universe has come together to the point where Earth has made contact with several intelligent alien civilizations. However, intergalactic arms dealer Agent Abrella starts to help out the extraterrestrial criminals on Earth, called Alienizers, by providing technology and giant robots to them because he enjoys profiting from crime, and dreams of a world without the police. In response the organization Special Police Dekaranger, or S.P.D., brings together a team of officers to apprehend the Alienizers.

You want to see space cops doing space cop stuff? Then this is the show for you. Admittedly, this isn’t the most story-driven show, but is instead carried by its characters, who go through a lot of development. The Dekarangers have one of the best team dynamics in Sentai history. All of them are very likable characters, and it’s a lot of fun to see them interact. But the best character in the show goes to the Dekarangers’ boss, Doggie Kruger/Dekamaster, a dog alien who becomes a Dekaranger himself, labeling himself The Watchdog of Hell. That has to be the coolest title any superhero has ever had. Dekamaster is another one of the greatest Super Sentai characters ever, taking down a hundred goons in his first battle by himself.

I haven’t even gotten to Agent Abrella, one of the coolest Sentai villains of all time. He’s obsessed with profit and chaos, and he’s easily one of the most sadistic main villains compared to his predecessors. He isn’t some evil emperor who wants to rule the world. He just wants to raise hell and make a quick buck from it. He’s also voiced by Ryusei Nakao, the Japanese voice of Frieza from Dragon Ball Z. That’s another appeal of Sentai, the voice talent. A lot of big-name voice actors have voiced characters, like Mao Ichimichi and Kotono Mitsuishi. Hell, the currently ongoing Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger has Yuki Kaji of Attack on Titan fame voicing one of the main characters.

Dekaranger is easily one of the most popular Sentai seasons out there, as it has a lot of additional material. Not only did the Dekarangers get a theatrically released film like many other seasons before it, they teamed up with two separate Sentai teams, some of them cameoed in the anniversary series Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger, they got a reunion movie ten years after its finale, four of the Dekarangers guest starred in another Sentai series two years after that, Uchu Sentai Kyuranger, which served as a prologue to a team-up with another Toei hero, Uchuu Kenji Gavan, and then that led into the Dekarangers cameoing in another Kyuranger movie meant to be an epilogue to that series.

Yeah, this is why I haven’t talked about the Sentai movies in this post. You don’t have to watch any of these unless you really enjoy Dekaranger, which you should at least check out. It’s slow at times, but it’s still a lot of fun.

Engine Sentai Go-Onger (2008-2009, 50 Episodes)

The Banki Clan Gaiark have traveled from their home dimension of Machine World and chosen Earth as their new home, but they have to pollute the planet to serve as an ideal living space for their kind. In response, sentient animal-themed vehicles called the Engines choose five humans to partner up with, the five humans in question becoming the Go-Ongers.

Unlike most of the shows I talked about, Go-Onger is incredibly goofy, and I love it. The characters are all incredibly likable, both the Go-Ongers and the Engines. While Sentai had touched upon the idea of treating the mecha as sentient beings, this was one of the earliest series to actually have their partners talk, leading to some interesting character dynamics. The villains are also really fun to watch. While they’re about as competent as Team Rocket at times, there are moments where you actually feel bad for them, especially towards the end of the series.

It’s also really funny. Granted, comedy is subjective, so you may not find the same things as funny, but there are a lot of funny moments in this show, all helped by the actors giving amazing performances. Go-Onger can get extremely wacky at times, like in Episode 31. I’m not going to say what happens, you should watch it for yourself.

What makes the humor really work unlike the last attempt at a comedy-focused Sentai, Carranger, it didn’t really feel mean-spirited by portraying the heroes as idiots by claiming to be “parodying” Sentai. Yes, the Go-Ongers can be dumb at times, but they still take their jobs seriously when they’re not goofing around. There’s not really much I can say about Go-Onger other than it being a bunch of dumb fun. If you’re in the mood to start off with something more light-hearted, I’d check it out.

Samurai Sentai Shinkenger (2009-2010, 49 Episodes)

For centuries, generations of samurai have waged a war against a race of demons from the underworld called the Gedoshu. After their leader was temporarily sealed away for several years, the Gedoshu begin another invasion of the surface while trying to flood the Sanzu River, which grows through human misery. In response, the current generation of samurai, the Shiba Clan, assemble to fight the Gedoshu as the Shinkengers.

This was actually one of the first Sentai seasons I ever watched, as my first Power Rangers season was Samurai. And yeah, while Samurai is a really bad adaptation, I’m here to judge Shinkenger on its own. Admittedly, there are a lot of qualities that can be chalked up to cultural differences, like the whole honor code samurai have and certain plotlines you’d see in a jidaigeki film. The Shinkengers themselves are all very likable characters, and you can really relate to their struggles of being forced into this war (again, handled a lot better than what’s going on with Marinette). All of them have different responses to their situation. Some of them dedicate themselves to wholeheartedly following their lord (Takeru/Shinken Red) or being more vocal in their hatred of their duties.

The villains are also really interesting. Sure, the big bad is pretty boring, but the side villains are just so twisted they really steal the show. Takeru/ShinkenRed gets a rival who serves as a perfect foil to him, representing the idea of why one fights. Even the concept of the Gedoushu is pretty terrifying. Demons from another world hellbent on causing misery to flood our world with their water, which I must point out, is deadly to humans. They’re not my favorite villain group, but they’re a close second.

There’s also some clever plot twists that happen late into the series that I don’t want to give away. Sure, you might have a hard time getting used to the Japanese culture at first, but Shinkenger is still a great series.

Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger (2011-2012, 51 Episodes)

The Zangyack Empire invades Earth and because of their army reaching across the universe, they become the greatest threat the planet has ever had. In response, the previous thirty-four Sentai teams unite to fight them. They succeed, but the attack they used to wipe out the battle fleet stripped them of their powers. A few years later, a group of space pirates come to Earth in search of “The Greatest Treasure in the Universe”. While the pirates couldn’t care less about stopping the Zangyack, they still have to deal with them while searching for the treasure, which is somehow connected to the previous thirty-four Sentai teams. Also, the pirates form their own Sentai team, the thirty-fifth Sentai team in particular, the Gokaigers, who have the ability to TRANSFORM INTO ANY OF THE PREVIOUS SENTAI TEAMS.

For Super Sentai’s 35th anniversary, Toei wanted to go big this time. While the previous two anniversary seasons only had movies that paid tribute to Sentai as a whole, this was the first season where the anniversary aspect was in the premise alone. 

The interesting thing is that the series was changed last-minute, and it was totally for the better. See, in March of 2011, Japan’s Tohoku Region was devastated by an earthquake registering at a 9.1 on the Richter scale. To this day, it was the largest earthquake ever recorded in Japan’s history, and that’s not even getting into the tsunami it caused the same day. What does this have to do with Gokaiger? In response to the tragedy, several tokusatsu stars including Super Sentai alumni took to social media to encourage kids to stay positive, and even asked some of Gokaiger’s showrunners if they could reprise their roles in an episode. Originally, there were going to be some cameos from past Sentai heroes, but it would only be limited to the ones whose powers would upgrade the Gokaigers’ giant robot. After this, there were a lot more cameos from Sentai alumni in the latter half of the series. Out of Gokaiger’s 51 episodes, 24 of them were tributes to past seasons. And that’s not even getting into all of the cameos in the movies too.

This was another one of the first Sentai seasons I ever saw, and it really helped me get into the franchise as a whole. It manages to explain things to people who haven’t seen certain seasons, while paying tributes to said seasons and making clever homages older fans will understand. Admittedly, the show does spoil the endings of the older seasons like Liveman and Jetman, so keep that in mind before starting this one.

Even outside of the tributes, the Gokaigers are some of the most memorable characters Super Sentai’s had in recent years. While they aren’t exactly evil, they start off not really interested in protecting Earth and care more about getting the Greatest Treasure in the Universe. The only reason they fight the Zangyack in the first episode was because their lunch was interrupted. A team of anti-heroes in Super Sentai hasn’t really been done before. Even then, there’s an interesting dynamic where some of the Gokaigers have more of a moral conscience than the others. And as the series goes on, they start to care more about protecting the Earth, even if they don’t admit it.

It’s just a really good show, and even if it isn’t your first, I’d check it out.

Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger (2013-2014, 48 Episodes)

When the alien entity known as Deboss invades Earth during the prehistoric era, another bird-like alien named Torin empowers several dinosaurs into the mighty Zyudenryu to fight off the invading force. After a brutal final battle, Deboss was sealed away, but his army of followers was still growing. In response, Torin started to recruit several humans throughout time into the modern day to become the Kyoryugers.

While Gokaiger was the first Sentai I ever watched, Kyoryuger was the first Sentai I watched every week as it aired, so it has a special place in my heart despite its middling reputation. Yeah, Kyoryuger has been criticized for starting the trend of Red Senshi stealing all the screentime, and while that can easily be applied to later entries like Shuriken Sentai Ninninger and Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger (the latter basically made Red and Gold the only ones to pilot the giant robots while the others watched), I don’t think it's as bad as everyone says it is.

There is just an amazing cast of characters here. It’s the first Sentai to be composed of ten rangers (while Dekaranger also had ten, three of them were just one-offs), and it does a really good job at balancing them all out. Yes, Daigo/Kyoryu Red does get a handful of power-ups and can be the focus at times, but the other characters all have their own distinct personalities and are just a blast to watch. I’d honestly recommend watching a few episodes of this show to get an idea on how to do an ensemble cast. If I end up doing the whole “tokusatsu has better toy tie-ins than Miraculous” thing, expect me to talk about how Kyoryuger introduces its new characters and giant robots.

And then there’s the soundtrack. Oh my God, the soundtrack. Sentai tends to have banger songs for their seasons, and Kyoryuger is no exception. “Vamola! Kyoryuger”, “Solid Bullet”, “Kyoryu Gold! Iza!”, “Yuuki Bakuretsu”, “Chou Shinka! Kyoryu Beat”, “Houkou! Bragigas”, and “Senkou no Brave”. So many of these songs are incredibly catchy, and I haven’t listed all of them. The show has a bit of a music motif, so it makes sense for there to be a lot of insert songs.

The one major flaw I have to point out is that you kind of have to watch the theatrical movie (which is only slightly longer than an average episode), in order to understand some of the plotpoints for the season’s endgame, but other than that, it’s still a really good season to start off on.

Mashin Sentai Kiramager (2020-2021, 45 Episodes)

The Dark Empire Yodonheim attacks the planet Crystalia, with the king’s brother betraying him and siding with the enemy. The kingdom’s princess is sent to Earth to recruit five warriors to fight the Empire. The chosen five all possess “Kiramental”, a way of weaponizing their imagination, which they use to defend the Earth’s radiance.

Precure fans might remember this being the season where Cure Star met the Red to promote the latter’s season (actually referring to Cure Star as his sempai), and I can kind of see why. A lot of fans have jokingly compared this season to Precure because of the gemstone motif and focus on creativity, with Juru/Kiramai Red acting like a Pink Cure according to some of the comments I’ve seen in Sentai discussion forums.

This is the most recent season to finish as of this post, and it’s already gotten a lot of praise in terms of writing, characters, story, and managing all of these during the COVID-19 Pandemic and having to adapt to losing five episodes in the process. The characters are very likable, the Red is one of the better ones in recent years with him being more timid compared to the more hotheaded ones, and the villains are also amazing, and some of the best in recent years. Episodes can range from funny to tragic to just plain awesome in terms of writing, with seemingly innocent filler episodes being the source of major bombshells and plot twists. 

Honestly, there’s not much I can really say about this show other than check it out for yourself.

But these are just my recommendations. If you do some research and see a season you like, I’d go for it. If anyone else wants me to do these for Kamen Rider and Ultraman, I’d be happy to.

Sorry this took so long.

[buzzdixonwriter]

The Love Of Money As The Root Of All Evil

“Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid.” -- Dwight David Eisenhower

People love their money.

They love their bargains.

They’ll rush to Wal-Mart to buy a plastic bowl for $1 rather than one at a local mom & pop shop for $1.50.

Of course, very little of that $1 they spent at Wal-Mart stays in their community -- a few pennies in the form of low wages, but then we have to add our tax money going for SNAP cards because Wal-Mart’s employees often don’t make enough to live on.

Not like the mom & pop shop, where the 50-cents extra they charged pretty much stayed in the community:  They paid for their house, they bought their kids clothes, put food on their table…

Mom & pop?  Working for Wal-Mart now.

Living in a cramped apartment, not that nice house they dreamed of retiring in.

The stores and businesses that depended on them spending their income in town?

Most of them have gone under, absorbed by Wal-Mart and other big box multi-national conglomerations.

As much as the moral scolds like to tell us Rome fell because they were decadent, the truth is Rome at its gladiatorial / orgy worse was Rome at the peak of its power and influence.

It fell after it split apart.

And it split apart because the Western half didn’t want to pay for the upkeep of the Eastern half, i.e., the business end of the empire.

The Eastern half needed roads and infrastructure and sound political government and armies (oh, lordie, how they needed armies) and the fat cat landed gentry in the Western -- protected by thousands of miles of terrain and sea from those who would do them harm -- refused to pay their fair share.

So Diocletian split the empire in twain, letting the greedy bastards to the west fend for themselves while he established a new empire that would eventually become known as Byzantium to the east.

The Western empire, what we think of when we refer to the Roman Empire, fell a little less than two centuries after that, overrun by Germanic tribes (we call them “barbarians” but the kneeslapper is they were Christians.

Byzantium stayed a going concern for about a millennia after that, but eventually it fell for the same reason:  The people taking the most out of the society refused to pay anything into it, and a younger / tougher empire (the Ottomans) came a’knockin’.

Without Pax Romana the Mediterranean world became a far more violent / perilous place.  Europe split up into a plethora of kingdoms / principalities / duchies constantly jostling with one another to take more money.

Oh, sometimes there were inventions and technological breakthroughs that added coins to the coffers, but mostly it was finding a neighbor who had something you wanted, figuring out their weakness, and taking it from them.

The Enlightenment strove for a better world, but it took money to be a philosopher in those days and since that wealth typically came from peasants / serfs / slaves doing all the grunt work while the philosophers sat around thinking noble thoughts, it didn’t take long for racism -- the belief that there are different races and some are inherently superior to others (and those deemed inferior were good for nothing but common labor in order to keep the philosophers philosophizing).

Mind you, there had been prejudice and bigotry and chauvinism before, but while Hebrews and Philistines may have hated one another, they at least recognized their common humanity.

They didn’t decree the other to be doomed to perpetual servitude due to their so-called race.

The Enlightenment and Christianity did much to poison the well in Europe and later in America, but they did have some positive points.

Both, despite the cruelties their practitioners ladled out on others, held high ideals of universal rights.

Those ideals would live on, and foster generations of thinkers and ethicists and moralists to come.

But the cruel side had its fans, too.

The colonies that would eventually become the various nations of the American continents (and let’s not forget Australia and New Zealand while we’re at it) all responded with varying degrees of success to those ideals.

They also offered plenty of opportunities for those who loved wealth above all else to flourish, inevitably at the expense of huge segments of their respective populations.

As faulty and as flawed as the American Revolution was, it ended up sowing the seeds for similar movements in other countries.

In France they took root just as the clock ran out for the aristocracy.

Just as in Rome and Byzantium, the French rulers realized they were heading towards disaster.  For a century and a half before the French Revolution, the various Louis would establish a royal commission made up of the best and the brightest in the kingdom, and had them examine the problem and offer a solution.

The solution was always the same:  The ones with the wealth needed to take less and put some of what they had back.

Nobody wanted to hear that (well, nobody with money) and that’s why the guillotines were dropping day and night.

Various trade and crafts guilds had sprung up at that time; al were hammered down.

Socialist movements and parties were started; they were hammered down.

Trade unions were formed; they were hammered down.

But the thing was each movement that got hammered down created a more brilliant and far tougher phoenix to replace it.

By the late 19th / early 20th century communism looked mighty good to a lot of people.

Again, the intransigence of the greedy (call them financiers or industrialists or robber barons or whatever) pushed the world into war yet again, this time bankrupting Germany, Austria, and Hungary (as well as finishing off the Ottomans, last seen sacking Constantinople).  

Around the world people clamored for more input, more control in their daily lives.

Czarist Russia -- brutal, heavy handed, autocratic czarist Russia -- fell to the Bolsheviks (who proved to be no less brutal, heavy handed, and autocratic than the czars).

Germany threatened to go down the same path and the industrialists and financiers -- who sure as hell weren’t missing any meals -- backed a crazy little ex-corporal who promised to keep the labor unions and the socialists and the communists under control.

We know how well that worked out.

In the United States, the wealth made their money directly or indirectly off the back of slave and immigrant labor, and when much to their great dismay the legal form of slavery disappeared, they found new methods of enforcing the old ways, which we now refer to as jim crow.

Poor whites weren’t much better off than their African-American neighbors, but as Lyndon Johnson observed:   ”If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you."

The United States was not that much better than German when it came to race hatred.

Indeed, the Nazis -- even while condemning US segregation for propaganda purposes -- studied jim crow carefully and applied its lesson to non-Germans in their territories.

The wealthy 1% nearly destroyed the United States with the Great Depression, but the gratitude they showed to Roosevelt for saving capitalism was to undercut and fight him every step of the way.

Because, hey, if it wasn’t making money right now for them!!! then it had to be evil, right?

Right?

And just as the plantation owners in the antebellum South used propaganda to argue slavery was actually a good thing for those enslaved (because both the Bible and Darwin -- at least according to their readings -- said so), so did their spiritual / philosophical / and too damn often direct biological heirs with their anti-communist rants via the John Birch Society and other front groups.

Fred Koch, founder of the Koch family fortune, also founded the John Birch Society.

And let the record show that when the Koch family businesses operate within the law, they do nothing illegal.  They anticipate the ebb and flow of supply and demand and invest accordingly.  Nothing wrong with that -- but there’s a lot wrong with what they use the money for.

For generations Americans have been told that socialism is bad, that Marxism is a failure.

And the truth is socialism works when it’s used wisely, to put the brakes on the worst excesses of capitalism.

And Marx gets a bad rap for what he didn’t do; i.e., the spurious claim that he created the blueprints for world domination.

Marx was a brilliant diagnostician but woefully lacking as a hands on practitioner.

The thing is…Marx knew this and recognized it.

Das Kapital analyzed the problem of capitalism in the 19th century.

Marx never intended it to be the final word on the matter.

He wanted those who came after him to be constantly examining and critiquing the way politics and finance work, so that both systems could be constantly tweaked and modified.

His posthumous work, Grundrisse (short for “Fundamentals of Political Economy Criticism”) were not intended for publication but rather Marx’ own personal resource / reference notebooks for his other work.

He was never satisfied with it and put it aside, possibly because he felt the topic was too great for just one writer to expound on.

Of course, once he was dead nobody cared, and it was promoted as literally the last word on the topic when in reality it was filled with what Marx himself would acknowledge as half-baked ideas, concepts he was spitballing in an attempt to find the real, underlying truth.

Imagine somebody finds some wistful half-completed bucket list you leave behind when you die and tries to live their lives according to that.

Gives you an idea of the problem, no?

But just as the hard line communists in Russia embraced Grundrisse for their purposes, so did Fred Koch and the John Birch Society for their own purposes.

Koch was a businessman who dealt with Russia in the days before WWII.

(Most international money people are whores and will go wherever they can find a buck.)

He didn’t like what he saw -- a fair enough assessment -- but what scared him was that there was something in the underlying structure of Russian society that might be appealing to non-communists.

Remember what I said about the Enlightenment and Christianity?

Add Marxism to that.

It ain’t the solution to all the world’s ills, but damn, it ain’t wrong about the causes.

Now the way the Koch clan tells it, when Fred saw Red, he realized it was a brutal, unworkable economic system and to stop it from spreading, he needed to form the John Birch Society to keep it from taking root in America.

Hold that thought.

If a system is unworkable, just let it collapse.

In fact, as a capitalist you should be interested in propping it up as long as possible both in order to rake in as much cash off them as you can in the time they have left and to make its ultimate collapse an even bigger warning to future workers.

The Koch propaganda machine has been working for literally generations to keep Americans from examining what’s wrong with our system.

They embrace racism because it enables them to keep labor costs down by pitting one group against another.

They fund the evangelical fringe, not necessarily because they believe them, but because they can deliver large swaths of the voting population.

(And of course, many white evangelicals prove themselves to be bigots, so promising to get rid of their taxes and keep “those” kids out of their schools and neighborhoods goes hand-in-hand).

They made a couple of runs at getting their agenda pushed through -- notably with Goldwater (who failed) and Reagan (who didn’t) -- but their desire to take more money by rendering all form of socially just government regulations impotent has produced an unintended consequence.

Donald Trump.

Just as the mad little corporal tapped in on simmer racial and religious resentment in Germany, Trump has done the same here.

A lot of white people are scared that their day is O.V.E.R.

At current demographic projections, come 2048 white people will drop to only 49% of the population.

The largest minority in a nation of minorities.

That means they’ve going to have to learn to cut deals with other groups.

And those groups, because they were marginalized for literally centuries, have learned to be much more self-reliant, much more imaginative, much more focused, much more innovative.

African-American culture is going to dominate the United States in the second half of the 21st century and well into the 22nd.

I want us to walk away from the precipice.

I want us to recognize there is literally no future in burning down the house to make sure the black folks don’t get in.

I want us to recognize reasonable precautions and controls on capitalism do not make people poor but rather prevent poverty from ruining lives.

But I fear for this country.

A few other empires, as they started splintering, recognized their peril and took steps to minimize the chaos and impact.

It took ‘em a while, but England managed to learn to let go of its vast empire in peaceful / democratic / diplomatic ways that enabled them to maintain good relations with former colonies around the globe.

The Koch mentality can’t do that, I’m afraid.

It can’t abide the thought that somebody else has a say in how they do business for the simple reason that those people’s lives are adversely affected by choices the Koch empire makes.

But we as a nation need to also recognize we slit our own throats every time we place price first and foremost in our shopping.

The Trump supporters who bemoan the demise of their single industry towns never seem to realize the decline started when they began saving a few pennies by shopping at big box stores and franchise fast food restaurants.

In their desire to save a few pennies, they threw away family fortunes.

History offers some grim warnings about empires that slide into this level of oligarchy.

Rome fell.

So did Constantinople.

The guillotine blade fell again and again and again until finally people were willing to accept Napoleon in order to regain stability.

And Napoleon started wars that led to World War One…

…and World War One allowed Hitler to rise thanks to the industrialists and the financiers.

The 1% of their generation.

We have to be more informed and more insightful in our daily choices.

What profit a person if they save a few pennies, yet lose their soul?

  © Buzz Dixon

[csykora]

Hey hey hey! I was wondering how i could find that post ab Kuzy and the struggle to adapt for North American hockey?? My dad is saying international hockey is easier to play than North American (as a justification for why Nylander is doing better @ worlds than this szn but that’s a diff story) and I’m trying to prove a point (Russians aren’t bad hockey players just because they (historically?) struggle in North America!) thanks xxx

Hey there.

**The following is not an opinion on Willam Nylander. I am agnostic. I suspect he may exist and you all cannot make me do more than that.**

Lemme chat with your dad a min? I got questions.

what does he think makes one game harder?

Factually we know what the difference is, right: one rink is wider than the other. 

how does that then make that game different?

Restricting the width of the rink, the skaters’ room to move, changes the goals of the game.

Any moment that I have the puck and you do not seems like it should be good for me. If I have it, you aren’t scoring a goal with it. If I try to score a goal with it, maybe I score, but maybe I mess up and you get it and you score a goal and that’s bad. Shooting is giving up possession in a meaningful way.

But in a narrow rink, we’re always closer together, it’s easier for you to smash into me, so you have more chances to take the puck away from me. Some of the time you’ll manage and then you’ll have it and you can score goals with it. I just plain probably won’t be able to keep possession all game, trying to do that would be risky for me, so it makes sense for me to try to score goals before you do.

In a big rink, if I’ve got the puck—oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t hear you across all this ice, wide enough that I can push off and hit peak speed going any direction, not just end to end. Did you say you want this? Did you want to smash me and take it and try to score some goals with it? Sure, you can try. Catch me and my several speedy friends first.

Corner work and board battles are less practical for you, so holding possession becomes more of a virtue for me. Goals still happen, but they happen when one team outshines the other enough in skating or passing that it makes sense for them to award themselves a point. An equal or even ultimate goal is to keep control until the clock runs out.

With more ice on the wings, wingers become more like centers. They have to spend more time managing their space, rather than mostly finishing plays that their center managed down the middle. They’re judged more for what North Americans see as classic center beauty (speed and awareness, as they’re expected to travel the full length of the ice, puck control as they skate, passing). Kuznetsov and Malkin were wingers in Russia, because they suck at faceoffs, and in Russia that’s seen as the only thing centers really do that wingers don’t, to the point that Kuznetsov and Malkin on the wing didn’t seem like a waste.

What North American men call ‘overpassing’ starts to happen: instead of the first person in with the puck aiming for a goal, the puck carrier will pass back and forth with other players until someone feels secure to shoot. This slows goals, which, remember, aren’t the only goal.

The other two NHLisms that Kuznetsov struggled with, by his own account, are the idea of dumping the puck and the idea of shooting over passing. These are not hard for him to do. They are foreign to him, hard for him to remember to prioritize doing. He thinks they’re irresponsible and rude, because they don’t contribute to the goal of his game.

In the NHL, they do. And that’s fine! The NHL plays on small ice and has its own goals and values and skills, and they’re awesome. They are no more or less awesome.

Now your dad might say, G, if non-North American hockey is better adapted for big ice than North American style, 

how come Canada does so great in competition, huh?

What do we know about Team Canada?  Sidney Crosby can have Steven Stamkos and Patrice Bergeron on his wings if he wants. You don’t crack that roster if you’re not a top 10 center, even on defense.

I think North Americans tend to know that and think, “well centers are good so more centers is just better,” but if that were always true we would train all wingers to think like centers. A three-center line doesn’t work well on narrow ice, where the winger needs board skills and finishing skills (and, frankly, to be less of a diva). It does work as a bridge when the two games meet in competition.

I just described what international hockey is, not how hard it is.

which is harder, jumping a horse or jumping on a bike?

Now, I might say riding a horse is easier, because I know how to do it. Or I might say it’s more complicated, because again, I know what all it takes to do it.

Both those answers are honest and both are less useful than I don’t know how to ride a bike.

When my brother does well in a bike race, I’m not gonna ask him hey if you’re so “good” at this why’d you fall off the pony that one time then huh? I’m not gonna make him race me.

Or if I did, and I crushed him, I wouldn’t say my sport is better, I’d say oh right I’m on a horse, they big. If he won at 50 yards and I won at 200 yards and at 5 miles and he won at 50 miles, I’d say wow, it’s like a bike and a horse are good at different things in different situations.  

Different kinds of hockey aren’t as different as that, but my point is that it’s possible for two things with two different goals to have two different ways of doing them well. And someone coming over from one thing to judge how you’re doing the other is silly.

Another question to think about:

If international hockey is easy, why do North Americans who go to the KHL also suck?

I don’t think your dad has heard their stories, because let’s be clear I don’t think your dad knows international hockey, but those players exist and have the same darn struggle as Russians in the NHL.

Now, your dad could argue that that’s because we’re pitting North American D-listers who have to go to the KHL against a league of Russia’s A-listers, but frankly that’s offensive to Amur, who’ve assembled a crack team of Russian D-listers and are also very bad.  

Americans who go to Russia don’t immediately dominate with scoring. They take a while to learn the game, and then they start to excel in the ways that you can excel in the KHL’s game.

why have Russian players historically struggled?

We’ve seen individual players have trouble adapting. We’ve also seen Alex Ovechkin, so, you know, he fucks any generalization. Kucherov’s doing okay. Svech sure looks alright.

Russian players make up a very small percent of the NHL today. “Russian NHLers” is barely a big enough test group to sample flavors of toothpaste, much less make sweeping claims about people’s experiences.

And there are so few of them because historically speaking, Russia is real big and not real friendly to North American business interests (which is what NHL teams are), so NHL teams don’t maintain scouts there.

Can you name a player from East Russia? I guarantee it’s not cause there’s no ice there! But it’s a wild huge amount of space to cover. When KHL teams take days and–I can’t stress this enough, have repeatedly died in travel accidents–just to get to games, the NHL is not investing in that.

The NHL doesn’t try to draft Russians unless they’ve already made a name for themselves at international tournaments. Imagine if only the Canadian boys who got to go to Worlds and scored points there were on anyone’s radar. The NHL’s business model is to get quick dibs on obvious talent and let the rest bubble up.

Which is one of many things that makes the modern NHL and NHL fans’ devotion to the draft difficult. There are good reasons that some kids go undrafted who are as good as the drafted kids, so fans have the idea that non North Americans who are left to develop are devalued. (The idea that anyone should be ready for the NHL right out of the draft is really new and really, really wild, like, biologically-speaking. 18 years is the age you can sign a contract, it has nothing to do with your physiological or athletic development).

Big question: does your dad like international hockey? Does he follow the Swedish or Russian leagues? Does he like William Nylander?

You say ‘that’s a different story’ but honestly I think that is the story.

Because if we agreed that actually, Nylander is talented at some things, then the argument that anything Nylander does well must be easy to do doesn’t make sense. It’s a bit like seeing Nylander ride a bike and asking why he couldn’t ride that pony. Maybe Nylander is better at one thing than the other thing. This rests on Nylander being bad, and/or Swedish hockey being bad.

If your dad is honest, he doesn’t like William Nylander, and he doesn’t like Swedish hockey. And that’s fine! He didn’t have to justify that. 

But he is back-engineering an argument to justify not liking them that rests on already not liking them. 

And he’s kind of digging at the value of anyone who likes what he doesn’t approve of: “easy” is a heavy word. The implication is almost that Nylander is worse for doing something “easy” well but being too lazy to work hard in North America

I swear if I get a single comment asking me to think about Nylander beyond his hair I am turning this blog around

Your dad isn’t behaving well in this argument. Relatable, but not well.  

I’m not saying shame your dad! I hope he’s otherwise great. But I encourage you to ask questions that encourage him to self-reflect, more than trying to feed him facts. Mostly because that won’t work. And it won’t be a failure on your part when you don’t say the perfect facts in the perfect way to make him acknowledge them. This is between him and his hockey gods, you know?

I think a lot of us could stand to learn not to argue like he’s doing, but a lot of us could stand to learn how to talk to someone who is arguing unfairly without taking too much on ourselves, trying to justify what we like back to them when neither of you have to justify shit. 

So if it will bring you joy to shove these points at him, good luck, have a ball. If not, go watch some Swedes be good at Swedish hockey, and have a blast.

[mentalcurls]

6. Laura mi ha detto tutto

Yay! Episode 6! We’re finally getting to the real *Penetrator Chris voice* drama! This time I discuss  🐍 Marti, consent, insecurities, middle aged relatives and of course whether the episode passes the Bechdel test (not to sound like one of those clickbait headlines, but the result may surprise you!).

Bubbles! Pretty iridescent bubbles! (Let’s get excited about the small things since we’re getting into #mainagioia territory)

ok, but Marti in this scene? This is Marti pulling a S2!Gio: he notices something’s wrong with Eva, he tries to cheer her up, he cajoles her into talking to him, lets her deflect and answers her questions even if they’re out of the blue, then lets her talk when she finally confides in him

“Why do you say that?” is what betrays him, he know he knows he knowsss

I really wanna cut off those bangs though. Not even Zac Efron’s hair when it was at its peak HSM1-ishness was this annoying

oh-oh, there was an off screen fight? In which Gio gaslighted the hell out of Eva lying to her about being with his mom not Laura and calling her crazy? LudoBesse, you think by leaving it out of the final cut I wasn’t gonna get mad about it? Fuck off, I’ll have you know I’m royally pissed off about it!

“Stop it, dump him and that’s it. You can’t keep feeling like this” MARTINOOOO 🐍🐍🐍 he even makes it sound like he’s saying it for her! Honestly, this guy. He’d die a thousand painful deaths for Gio (just as bffs, aside from his crush) yet he still convinces Eva he’d kind-of-side with her in an hypothetical break up

I think what Martino does is best described as stirring shit up, then running away to watch that same shit hit the fan from a safe distance

at least he hesitates a second before dropping the “You could ask Laura” bomb

oh Silvia, Silvia. Not even one full orgasm in and already you’re talking like you’re out of a rom-com where the protagonist doesn’t want anything serious, yet with him…

orgasms and sneezing have only one thing in common afaik: they’re both controlled by the autonomic nervous system

Eleonora Sava in this scene is me and I’m her and we’re both telling Silvia off and being pissed at idiotic men who pressure girls into unsafe sexual practices

“He said he never uses it [a condom].” one sentence, three things confirmed: Edoardo always puts the burden of contraception on his female partners, he is very much promiscuous and has had unsafe sex already so he could have or carry any venereal disease yet still has unsafe sex with Silvia, Silvia gets pressured to have sex without a condom and that means the encounter was not completely consensual. Edoardo, for all that I empathized with him in the last episode, is an asshole.

I actually don’t consider him an asshole for not turning his back on Silvia when she waves at him, but I do for all the reasons I mentioned above. I’m so angry, you wouldn’t believe.

without Sana your overeager shows, Silvia, and it doesn’t do you any favors

and what prompts Silvia to put aside her resentment towards Sana? A show of wealth. Cute.

ok, honestly, those few second from Silvia’s POV on the back of the microcar

OUCH, my poor heart. I wasn’t ready to see Eva with her hood pulled up and earphones on, the throwback (flashforward, actually?) to that first clip after the hiatus where Marti is walking much like that and listening to Earl Sweatshirt 😭 except this time the one who’s not answering their beloved is the protagonist, not the love interest

Gio really slips up badly, with that mother-father thing

my heart is honestly breaking for Eva, Giovanni has called her all kind of things for thinking he’s with Laura, paranoid, crazy, out of her mind; yet she’s only amassing more and more proof that he’s lying and since he won’t tell her why, she can’t help but fill in the gaps herself; and at point her own guilt starts messing with her head and whispering that if Gio already cheated once, he might do it twice, what’s to stop him; and her insecurities come up right on the coattails of that to remind her that just because Gio chose her then, it doesn’t mean everyone else did, in fact they didn’t and there must be a reason, so maybe he’s realized she’s not good enough for him either and he’s gone back to the girl everyone sided with, the one everyone loves, including Eva herself because despite everything that’s her best friend, with whom she shared almost everything, that’s the girl who knows her and who Eva knows and loves

and I love Gio for really proving he knows Eva, he likes her as a person enough to have wanted to know and to remember what she likes; then I hate him for smiling, for forcing proximity with her, and for resorting to old tactics and kissing her to calm her down and convince her of his version. Shutting a person up by kissing her is borderline harassment, even if they’d normally consent. If it’s a girl, 99% of the time it’s also a sexist act, because it proves you’re don’t even have enough consideration for the woman to let her finish talking and listen to her arguments. Gio, why do you do this to me (and Eva)? You leave me no choice but to want to punch you.

Margot is so cuuuute I love cats

never knowing what to give guys for their eighteenth is peak italian culture 

when Eva says “Un cazzo” I was 100% expecting someone to at least wiggle their eyebrows, like, c’mon!

Silvia taking every single possible chance to contact Edoardo breaks my heart

Fede would be an amazing hype woman I think, she’s just so supportive of everything that makes her friends feel good about themselves, even when it’s sending nudes to a jerk

“If we don’t tell her the truth, then who?” and that’s Sana in a nutshell, except she doesn’t consider those flimsy, useless little things called feelings: girl, I get it, but saying things in a kind way goes incredible lengths

“Eva, I’ve been at this school for three years” YES! That’s what I’ve been saying: Sana and Silvia (and to an extent Federica) know these people and their hierarchy really really well, for completely opposite reasons - one out of self preservation and near-scientific interest, the other because she’s a wannabe social climber -, but they’ve had the time and ability to find out how things work here; Eva, despite being there for seven months, has been so wrapped up in her own drama she hasn’t been observant at all and she doesn’t understand how the school is “run” and that’s  a big fucking problem for her because she doesn’t form an opinion on whether or not she wants to get in with the cool kids, she just lets these girls (mainly Silvia) she’s known for such a short time drag her into it, and because she’s flailing around she makes trouble for herself. Eva doesn’t give a fuck about the Villa boys, about Incanti or Canegallo or Rodi or whoever else, she doesn’t even care about Laura as far as her popularity goes, so she literally gets into the whole Federico thing just for Silvia, with encouragement from the other girls.

my favourite part of Federico’s 18th birthday party is the presence of his relatives who are so completely out of place among all the kids dancing and will undoubtedly start dancing after a couple of glasses of spumante, the teenagers will end up dancing with them at first to make fun then give them a wide berth, until they realize after two songs they’re too old for this and go home, but still giddy af (seen it happen at all 18ht parties where there were parents/uncles/aunts etc.). In the meantime the boy//girl of the hour gets shitfaced and everyone will have to work to kind of hide how bad from the parents.

13:24 FIRST GLIMPSE OF ALICE

is the girl making the toast to Federico Maria Sorgato?? Isn’t she brunette in the episode Eva speaks to her outside school? Cause she looks pretty blonde her, but maybe it’s the lights.

oh Gio ❤️ I keep finding reasons to be mad at you but I still love you ❤️ you mago dell’amore, you ❤️ that text is so sweet, except not because the purpose of going to the party is still to please Eva, not to do something for them, it’s a concession he makes, not something he shares Eva’s desire to do, so I’m angry again. Well, that didn’t last long

I totally get Laura tbh, if there had been a swing at any of the parties I’ve ever been to, it’d have been mine all night, I love swings

ok, what is it that makes Laura look so bad in this scene? Is it the makeup? The lighting? Both? It’s just so unappealing, her face looks so drawn, all her imperfections show so much 😕 

For a second, for a split second, when she says “Non so” she considers not doing this, but why should she do this for Eva? Payback time, bitch

oh, Canegallo. Enters the room speaking English, all dapper in his suit, then he does the whole worried thing and it’s fine, it’s fine for the most part, he sounds genuine; then he twirls her hair round his finger, has her turn her face and that’s it

and Eva wants it, because it’s comfort, reassurance, it’s a way to forget everything that’s gone to hell for a minute 

and he looks at her to make sure, to check in! So different from that last kiss with Gio we saw. It takes 50 creepiness points away from Canegallo (he still has a lot)

then Alice comes in, just in time, and Federico doesn’t even have to lie to her! It’s all there, all true, so Eva couldn’t even disagree!

Alice is really nice, comforting a girl she doesn’t know at all while a cool party is going on, but her “When you meet the right guy, you’ll know, cause you’ll feel like you can trust him.” is h e a r t b r e a k i n g

Oh Alice. Your solution for heartbreak is getting back to the party, getting drunk and having dub con sex with older guys? Girl. No wonder you like Canegallo.

it’s so significant to me that Eva basically had the same “crying alone the meeting a girl who tries to comfort you” experience Silvia had at the Easter party in ep.1 and the first thing she does when she gets out is to look for, essentially, Silvia; and of course in both occasions she’s had a confrontation with Laura earlier and she goes home alone afterwards

Silvia is really a masochist, isn’t she? She stays right there, next to a passed out Chicco Rodi, looking at Edoardo going on with his life and making out with her former friend Sara

Eva walking home alone reminds me of 9.5 La Grotta except she’s walking with some purpose despite feeling lost, while Marti was literally wandering 

she stops and hesitates when she sees Gio, cause she wasn’t expecting it at all, she isn’t ready, not now

Gio’s “T’ho detto un po’ di cazzate in sto periodo” is so reminiscent of several of Marti’s lines, especially of when he apologizes to the guys and to Emma

ok, so get Gio’s big reveal and Eva’s regret is written all over her face

I’m not even gonna talk about Gio huffing about Eva’s mention of that time he threw up on her while they were kissing. HE THREW UP ON HER WHILE THEY WERE KISSING. I just. Can’t.

and Gio brings up trust and I bet that Eva’s brain was replaying Alice’s words in her mind

“It’s you and me” 💔 (despite everything, I’m under a thousand trains for them)

Bechdel test: this episode doesn’t pass the test. The only times it comes close are when Sana arrives with the microcar and when the girls discuss Margot for a second on the windowsill, but I refuse to call either of those “conversations”.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[killscreencinema]

God of War (PlayStation 4)

So I missed out on God of War. 

Back in 2005, when the first game was released by Santa Monica Studios for the Playstation 2, I was finishing up college.  I remember reading about the game’s development and being fascinated by the concept - a Spartan warrior who decides he wants to kill the Greek gods?  Cool.  I never got a chance to play it upon its initial release because I was a broke college student and had probably spent what little money I had on some other game.  I considered renting it, but no, no, this was a game I needed extensive time on and didn’t want to binge in order to get it back to the video store on time. 

Before I could get ahold of it either way, some college buddies of mine bought the game and so began playing the ever loving crap out of it.  Every time I came over to hang out, they were playing God of War, which bugged me because the whole game was being spoiled for me.  When my friends played a game, they had this sick compulsion to REPLAY it over and over and over (whereas I finish a game and move on, like a sane person).  This went on for at least 2-3 months before my desire to play the game myself was replaced with resentment for the entire series. 

I had always meant to play the trilogy at some point, but other games took precedence.  So when the 4th entry into the series, simply titled God of War, was released this year, and it was clear that the game was a kind of soft reboot/sequel (in the way that Resident Evil 4 was a soft reboot/sequel), it seemed like a perfect jumping on point for a newb like me. 

Now I want to say normally I’m very uncomfortable just jumping into the the middle of a series like this.  I don’t like to say things like, “I’m OCD”, because I feel it trivializes an potentially serious mental illness in order for people to make themselves sound less boring, but... I think I have mild OCD, especially in that I’m incredibly resistant to watching movies and TV shows out of order or playing video games out of order.  It’s not just a preference thing - I get physically out of sorts when someone insists I watch something like The Raid 2, but I haven’t seen the first one.  They might be like, “It’s an entirely new story with different characters, you don’t need to see the first one” to which I’m like, “No, you don’t understand, I NEED to see it.”  However, I don’t think I’m actually OCD because many times I’ll break down and just get over my weird fixation on watching/playing things in order.  My introduction to the Elder Scrolls series via starting with Oblivion and never looking back (Morrow-what?) is evidence enough to me that I am perfectly capable of skipping games in a series without feeling terribly bad about it.

The point of this dumb tangent is that I was dead set against playing this new God of War until I played through the first three, but it seemed to me like the developers went out of their way to make this game accessible to people who are new to the franchise, so I pulled an Elder Scrolls and blew caution to the (Morrow)wind.  I’m kind of glad I did too, for reasons I’ll explain further when I discuss the story. 

The game takes place years after the third, with the legendary “Ghost of Sparta”, Kratos, having retired into the mountains far away from his homeland of Greece.  When we meet Kratos, he is in the process of building a pyre with which to cremate the remains of his dead wife so that he and his son Atreus can take her ashes to the “highest peak in all the realms”, according to her final wishes.  At first Kratos is reluctant to bring Atreus on the journey, believing him to not be ready, but his hand is forced after a god named Baldur, brother of the Nordic god Thor, unexpectedly shows up to pick a fight with Kratos.  After barely surviving the encounter, Kratos realizes that he and Atreus both would be more safe on the move than staying in one place long enough for Baldur to show up for round two.  However, along the way, Kratos uses the journey as a opportunity to continue training his son to become a man, while Atreus is insatiably curious to learn more about his stoic badass of a father, but Kratos ain’t talking because he doesn’t want his son to know about his true godly nature.

So yes, the new God of War game is, at its core, a story about an estranged father and son bonding during a journey.  Cue “Cats in the Cradle”:

Kidding aside, I absolutely loved this aspect of the game and I enjoyed the back and forth between the characters throughout the story.  This was helped by excellent voice acting by Sunny Sulijic as Atreus and Christopher Judge (of Stargate SG-1 fame) as Kratos.  Evidently, Judge took over the role because the game developers needed someone who was physically closer in size to Kratos in the game for animation purposes.  While I’m sure this was regrettable for fans of Carson’s work with the character, Judge is no slouch, and does such a great job even diehard fans of the series have to give it up to him as worthy of the mantle.

Fans of the series may be quick to point out that I may not feel that way if I were more familiar with the series, and that’s fair.  Like I mentioned before, though, I’m glad that I’m coming in fresh, because not only does that make me a little more open to a different sounding Kratos, but not being as familiar with mythos of the series makes me just as eager as Atreus to hear more about his bloody past.  One might say it takes on a... mythical quality?

No, wait, please keep reading, I apologize!

The game plays like a brawler in the style of Bloodborne or Dark Souls, though certainly not as difficult as those games are infamous for being.  That being said, God of War ain’t a cake walk either!  The game has a respectable bite to it challenge wise, forcing the player to learn how to deal with individual enemy types beyond repetitive Dynasty Warriors style hack-n-slashery.  The optional boss fights with the Corrupted Valkyries is an absolute treat in which to test one’s skills, leading up to a hell of a brawl with the Valkyrie Queen (whom I couldn’t beat... dammit).  That being said, epic boss battles like that are way too sparse and the same enemies get overused a little too much. 

While Kratos eventually regains his iconic Chaos Blades from the previous games (spoilers), his main weapon is an axe called Leviathan and ohhh what a fun weapon it is too!  Similar to Thor’s hammer Mjolnir, Kratos can hurl the axe at enemies, and call it back at will.  This spices up battles a lot, allowing you to pull off awesome moves like throwing your axe at an enemy to freeze them with its ice powers, and beating another enemy with your bare fists, before calling your axe back to you, which slices up or trips enemies in its trajectory back to you.  Meanwhile, your son isn’t just sitting on the sidelines cheering you on (or warning you of attacks from behind, which is helpful) - Atreus jumps into the fray to help either by shooting baddies with his bow and arrow or he’ll often leap on their head and keep them prone long enough for you to deliver powerful, but slow, cleaving blows with your axe. 

And anyone with traumatic memories of GoldenEye 64 escort missions need not worry - Atreus cannot die!  Yay!

Besides the main story quest, the game offers a nice variety of side quests to keep you busy without being so overwhelming that you totally forget there even IS a main quest (which is something that often happens to me A LOT with games of this type).  Fortunately, besides killing all 50 of Odin’s ravens, the side quests are actually a lot of fun and don’t involve insipid fetch quests.  While some of them can be fairly time consuming, like the labyrinth in Niflheim, none of them ever felt tedious. 

If my ramblings haven’t made it clear, God of War is amazing game, which delivers a compelling “cinematic experience”, but without sacrificing substantive gameplay (a formula a lot of AAA developers named after badly behaved canines have trouble balancing).  However, you don’t have to take MY word for it...

[tkmedia]

Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Evander Holyfield, Oscar Valdez, ’70s greats vs. future stars)

Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Evander Holyfield, Oscar Valdez, ’70s greats vs. future stars)

Photo by Amanda Westcott/Triller Fight Club 13 Sep by Doug Fischer THE OLDTIMERS Hello Dougie, hope you are well and healthy. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. What do you think? Best wishes, and greetings from Serbia. – Vulic I think commissions need to do their jobs. All fighters have a drive that compels them to challenge themselves and push their bodies beyond normal human limits. Those egos don’t go away after they retire or when they get old. Great fighters often have the fiercest pride; the fire in their bellies is what made them special competitors as young amateurs, during their peak pro years, and even when they were past their primes. Holyfield is never going to think he can’t do something, especially the sport where he forged his legend. If he’s willing to step into the ring (and he will be for as long as he’s able to stand on two legs – that’s no exaggeration), there will always be a promoter and/or platform willing to try to capitalize on his legendary status. It’s up to the state athletic commissions to say no. Boxing is a crazy business filled with crazy mother f__kers. The state commissions – including tribal and commonwealth – need to come up with unified safety guidelines, so a dangerous matchups can’t simply cross borders and state lines to see action. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. I can imagine, but I wouldn’t know because I didn’t watch it. The highlights are ugly enough. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? They’re FIGHTERS! They still want to do what gave them purpose as kids, adolescents and young adults; and what brought them fame and fortune in their 20s and 30s. If somebody is going to offer them a big bag of money to come back, they’re gonna go for it. Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? I think it’s more of the latter. Holyfield probably had no idea who Vitor Belfort was. He wasn’t trying to prove anything to him. He was just challenging himself, setting a goal that would lead to another goal (like a Mike Tyson exhibition). All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. It might seem like that now, but if they’ve reached Holyfield’s level of greatness, an embarrassing loss isn’t going to alter their status as icons. Mike Tyson is still Mike Tyson despite getting trashed by Kevin McBride in his final pro bout. How many times did we see Roy Jones Jr. KTFO once he got long in the tooth? He’s still Roy Jones Jr.! Joe Louis was unceremoniously (and brutally) sent back into retirement by Rocky Marciano and then he took part in crappy exhibitions and pro wrestling bouts. He’s still the Brown Bomber, an American hero. People don’t remember Muhammad Ali for the Antonio Inoki exhibition. He’s remembered as The Greatest because he fought every top heavyweight of the 1960s and 1970s (and usually won). I can go on and on, but I trust you get the picture. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Maybe, there is a void, currently, of high-profile matchups between elite boxers in their primes. Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. That’s a scary and depressing thought, but you’re not wrong. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. I’m thinking after 50, it’s gotta be a FRIENDLY exhibition. HOLYFIELD AND THE TRILLER DEBATE Hi Doug, Maybe the consensus for your mailbag readers is to ignore Triller events and pretend debacles like Holyfield vs. Belfort don’t exist (if we pretend, they don’t exist, they can’t hurt us!), but I have to express my disgust and sadness somewhere. What happened last night interfered with some of my most cherished memories, not just of boxing, but of family. I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, but here’s my story. I was raised in Ireland in the nineties. Boxing was my dad’s favourite sport, so it became mine too. While my friends and classmates were learning the names of their favourite soccer players, I was getting familiar with names like Tyson, Bruno, Lewis, and Holyfield. My dad and I would talk about boxing often and he would tell me about how heavyweight fighters of the 90s era compared to the likes of Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier. Those conversations would spark a lifelong curiosity about the lineage of boxing champions and the evolution of the sport.

Holyfield (left) on his way to stopping Mike Tyson in their first fight. Photo from The Ring archive Between the years of 1996 and 1999, my dad and my brothers would stay up until 5am to watch Evander Holyfield face Mike Tyson (twice) and Lennox Lewis (twice). These are some of my favourite memories of spending time with family. Coming in as an underdog in the first fight with Tyson (which a lot of people forget was the fight of the year), most fans expected Holyfield to get finished early. Even back then, many felt that he was past his prime. But Holyfield won and it left an impression on me. It was the first time I ever witnessed an athlete defy the odds and public sentiment so dramatically, and I was a big fan from that point on. A few years later, in 2003, me and dad watched the highlights of Evander Holyfield getting outboxed, outfoxed, and stopped by a resurgent James Toney. We watched these highlights in my dad’s hospital room as doctors and nurses helped to make him comfortable during his final days. It was a very sobering moment for me as a young man, witnessing the deterioration (albeit in different ways) of these two men that I held in such high regard. A few days later, Dad passed away at the age of 58 years old. This weekend, at the age of 58 years old, Evander Holyfield got back into the ring. You can say it was free will. But everybody knows Holyfield’s primary motivation: he needs money, and that need was exploited by some unscrupulous industry newcomers. I know that boxing has always been a colourful business that attracts chancers, crooks, and gangsters. But the people running Triller bring their own special brand of moral bankruptcy to the table. To throw the nearly 60-year-old Holyfield into the ring with a much younger pitbull (who’s had PED controversies in the past) on just a few days’ notice reflects the level of irresponsibility that Triller operates at. And in the end, Holyfield was just an afterthought. It was all to lure Jake Paul back into a mega-money event. I imagine I’m not the only fight fan that was enraged with this insane main event. And while I hope Evander got paid a truckload of cash (an 18-wheeler!), I also hope that nobody reading your mailbag supported that Triller card, Doug. These people clearly don’t care about real boxing fans, so I’m very interested to see what kind of numbers they pulled in this weekend. Do they even know who their target demo is? Regardless, I’m certain that the complete moral bankruptcy on display at Triller will eventually result in its financial bankruptcy. Keep up the great work, Doug! – Kevin, (Based in Vancouver but from Dublin) Thank you, Kevin, I will do my best. And thank you for sharing those very special and painful memories of your father with the Mailbag column. I can understand how it was extra heartbreaking for you to witness The Real Deal get treated like a rag doll (during and after the Triller Fight Club main event). Sometimes boxing is so cruel to its heroes that I just can’t stomach it. I’ve never watched Holmes-Ali or Norris-Leonard or Joppy-Duran for that reason, and I never will. I love the sport too much to allow the dark side of it and the ruthless elements of the business make me hate it. Having said that, I have no problem with anyone who paid $50 to watch Saturday’s s__t show. It’s their money. If they want to ball-up five $10 bills and cram ’em up their asses that’s their prerogative. God Bless ’em! Also, while I understand your outrage, I don’t want to see Triller go out of business. I’m not a fan of the Fight Club “Legends” exhibitions, but it’s good for boxing to have another platform for legitimate matchups to be showcased on. Here in the U.S., just having Showtime, FOX, ESPN/ESPN+ and DAZN isn’t enough accommodate all the fighters who are deserving of network exposure (and those platforms don’t work with enough promoters). It’s great that we’ve also got Ring City USA on NBC Sports Net and UFC Fight Pass, but it’s not enough. The TrillerVerz Tuesday night fights series kicked off with a well-received show headlined by heavyweight contender Michael Hunter at the Hulu Theater inside MSG on Aug. 3 and it continues tomorrow with what looks like a very solid card in Hollywood, Florida. That show has fighters from Miguel Cotto Promotions, Golden Boy, Thompson Boxing and Banner Promotions, and RDR Promotions, among others; and the matchups are legit: Undefeated (15-0) Puerto Rican up-and-comer Danielito Zorrilla vs. heavy handed Mexican veteran Pablo Cesar Cano is the quintessential crossroads bout at 140 pounds. There’s a scheduled lightweight match between once-beaten prospects Michael Dutchover (15-1) and Nahir Albright (13-1). There’s also a Mexican power puncher I’m familiar with from recent Thompson Boxing promotions named Miguel Madueno (24-0, with 22 KOs), who might just be “must-see TV.” I skipped Holyfield-Belfort but I’m more than happy to shell out $2.99 for a one-month pass to watch TrillerVerz on Fite.TV and I hope they’re able to continue the monthly Tuesday night series (if they keep up the quality matchmaking). I’m also curious to see what they do with the Oct. 4 Triller PPV topped with Teofimo Lopez vs. George Kambosos.   THOUGHTS ON OSCAR VALDEZ Hey Doug, Hope everything’s well with you. I decided for the first time ever to boycott a fight because of obvious reasons. I feel that if us boxing fans want change, we need to show it with our money not with words. In the end, Twitter, boxing forums and discussion boards are mostly a bunch of biased fanboys trying to defend their guy no matter what they’ve done, right or wrong. Posting and trying to win an argument there makes absolutely no difference, so I decided to use the only power I have to make my opinion count: my hard-earned cash. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. And as Dr. Goodman said, I won’t get into that, we can all find it on the internet if we want to. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Media I trust like you and Steve Kim (and others) scored the fight for Valdez calling it how you saw it while fans are screaming robbery. The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. If he did do this on purpose or trusted someone when he took these supplements, he will forever regret that decision. From now on, at least from a group of people, he will forever be looked on as a cheater. That’s a knockdown way more difficult to climb up from than any other. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. People can apologize and people forgive. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today.  He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. America forgives, there’s a lot of proof out there (Tiger Woods anybody?). We’re humans and make mistakes. I’m sure Valdez is learning from whatever he did, knowingly or not. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in recent years is to take responsibility of my acts and stop blaming results on others; stop making excuses. Guys need to man up and face the problems they created and stop making excuses or blaming others for it. Ever since I did that I managed to improve because I was able to identify mistakes I was making; things I blamed on external things were now clearer to me and I was able to change them and improve. If Oscar wants to turn things around, he really needs to do some soul searching, see where things went wrong and change that. He’s still young and can still change the narrative. As of right now, I’ll continue to put my money where my mouth is. Thanks Doug. – Juan Valverde, Chula Vista That’s the right thing to do, Juan, just don’t forget to use some of that money to support VADA. If it wasn’t for Dr. Goodman’s testing organization, pretty much every active high-profile boxer would be able to claim they’re “clean” because they passed the sub-standard state commission PED tests. Nine out of 10 times when we hear about a positive drug test in boxing, it’s a VADA test. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. Valdez went from hero to zero with that positive test and the way he and his team handled it. All the fans he earned with his sensational performance and stoppage against Miguel Berchelt has been flushed down the toilet. As of now, and for the foreseeable future, he’s got the “The Mexican They Love to Hate” title that was created for Antonio Margarito and eventually passed on to his superstar stablemate Canelo. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I hope other fans – and, more importantly, boxers – did the same thing. It sucks when fighter pop positive, but it’s always an opportunity for those fighters and the boxing world to bone up on whatever “The Banned Substance of the Month” is. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. There shouldn’t be “out-of-competition” lists. If it’s a performance enhancer, it needs to stay out of the bodies of combat athletes. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. It was a close fight.

Valdez vs. Conceição. Photo by Mikey Williams/Top Rank Inc via Getty Images From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Hey, that’s how it goes when you’re “The Mexican They Love to Hate,” but in fairness to Robson Conceicao, the Brazilian boxed very well for much of the fight, especially the first half. But Valdez came on strong over the second half, landing the more effective punches in most of the rounds. That bogus point deduction didn’t help the challenger (I guess the ref and the official judges didn’t get the memo that Valdez is the TMTLTH). The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. No doubt about it. His image would have fared much better if he’d admitted he f__ked up, apologized to his fans, his team, his management, promoter, the WBC, the tribal commission in Tucson, and then signed up for extensive VADA testing for the next three-to-six months. And if he got through that period without a positive, return to the ring as humbly as possible. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. I agree, but what if that really is what he believes? People can apologize and people forgive. They can. They don’t always do so, but hopefully most can. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today. He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. Yeah, but that didn’t happen overnight, Juan. Tyson was “The N__ga They Love to Hate” for 10-15 years. The American public began to mellow on him as he began to mellow out with age (and a LOT of marijuana). But his brutal honesty (especially when he aimed it at himself) has always been a part of his appeal. I don’t think you can compare other boxers with Tyson, who was a bona fide global superstar. The public likes to see celebrities fall, but they also enjoy redemption stories among the famous. Read the full article

[greengargouille]

Little Sugaya things

Hello AC fans, do you know whose birthday it is today? “No, but I have a strong feeling it might be the character whose name is in the title.” What a cheeky reader you are. But, indeed, in this October 25th Sugaya Sousuke turns... Well, he doesn’t really age, fiction and all that. This is an ideal time to talk about him!

I have a strong liking to this character, so I figured I would make a small post about him (especially if that can count toward ankyou week), my observations, mostly things I want to remember while I write fics.

...This isn’t a small post at all.

Note: I tend to link towards other posts whenever I make mention of extra-material, but there are 3 things that I will tend to use a lot, and for this reason I’m linking at the beginning, namely his Roll Book profile, his Graduation Book profile, and the Individual Ability chart. 

This first point is easy, but Sugaya is a really good artist, and really fast at that. And by that I mean really, really fast. Notable achievements includes, in non-chronological order:

Doing really neat drawings on the back of his tests. Like, already, it’s quite the art he’s showing us -and given he’s in the middle of a test that probably only last one class, he had less than an hour to do that. Uh. Impressive for someone in junior high, but still plausible.

A few moments after the class discovered they have to do a theater piece, he do a ‘realistic’ portrait of his comrade (I mean, it’s in the same style as the manga itself, so... that counts as realistic, right?) on the demand of Karma. Again, quick yet with some level being it. [Note that the anime version had Karma hold the image in colors. But no Sugaya in the background. Either we’re supposed to believe Karma have impressive photoshop skills he uses to have countless disturbing images of Nagisa in different clothes, either Sugaya hide himself because wow, it’s embarassing to be associated with art of Nagisa crossdressing. Don’t worry, Sugaya, at least this one wasn’t sexualised.]

Hey, do you remember how class E infiltrated into a building they knew nothing about, then had to disguise themselves to hide against the wall? Am I the only one wondering how did they happen to have just the right hue of spray paint on them, and for 27 students too? This isn’t so much about skill and speed that it is about Sugaya probably having who-know how many spray cans in advance on him during the whole arc. Like, okay, he’s the artist kid, but that’s probably way too many. Unless he have been able to convince his classmates to carry them for him. Or he could actually summon them out of nowhere.

He did seems to pull brushes out of nowhere during chapter 155 just for emphasis. I mean, he could be just happening to have random art supplies in his pocket, even if those can be costly and he is shown to have a little plastic case for his brushes during chapter 111. Buuut I’m still betting on summoning his supplies by demonish magic.

Okay, now it gets really really weird. Remember the island arc? The fight with Gastro the gun specialist? In a few minutes, in silence, under pressure of someone who have shown killing intent, he somehow manage to produce a scarecrow. Like, how. When did he even obtain some of those items. Is he some RPG protag that will put every random item in his inventory. Matsui please explain.

...Yet, somehow, this isn’t the most impressive thing he have done. For that we will have to come back to his own moment of spotlight, chapter 37.

So. He painted the arms of the whole class. (He argues some pages later that there’s no ‘blank canvas’ left for Korosensei, so it truly means the whole class had, at this point, their arms tattooed.) 

Yet some pages later the arms of the students are bare, and given Sugino’s comment, they cleaned themselves before it set off. Henna will dry after roughly 15-30 minutes.

The twist in all this? Try to look at how long it takes to make such a tattoo. Maybe you will be more lucky than me. All I could find is that a full hand or foot tattoo takes around half an hour. Yet it seems in less than that Sugaya have drawn around 50 full arm tattoos. Korosensei who? I’m sorry, but the only Mach 20 monster that I see here is a student. 

But really, think about this. He have impressive skills in drawing. Notably with chalk if we see chapter 37. Painting (he even made a Korosensei’s potrait in what I think is expressionism style? in the manga only though). Sculpting. Doing masks and disguises. Henna tattoos. Calligraphy too according to background details.

This boy is 14, 15 by the end of October. How the heck did he get so talented in so many forms of art? He had to dedicate his whole life to art- heck, his hobby is touring museums and art exhibits, and his treasured item is a watercolor paint set! Okay, I admit Hollands are expensive as heck, so it’s understandable he values them. But... He isn’t just your average artistic student. He’s a monster. 

So far, Sugaya seems less of a background students and more of a final boss in a art shonen, but how well does he fare as a student?

...Pretty badly, actually. Here what his Roll Book profile says about this: “At first he had wanted to excel in both academics and art, so he opted to enrol in an escalator school, but at Kunugigaoka he understood the limits of his academic prowess. His studies floundered, while his artistic sense flourished in contrast.  After coming to Class E, he overcame his limits in academics and gained a surge in confidence.”

And indeed, it is a big fall when it comes to academics. His manga-only chapter show his former headteacher to be the one dealing with class B, so he originally have some skills. Yet, during 3-E... his individual ability chart places his academic prowess at 1 on 5, something only Terasaka shares with him. He consistently is at the bottom of the exam rankings when comparing the scores of class-E only, and get scores even worse than Terasaka when it comes to Science and Maths, his biggest weaknesses if we’re to believe the Graduation Book profile. Though, if we observe his results...

...Japanese’s not his speciality either (not helped that it seems to be the favorite subject of more students). He do considerably better in English, yet in chapter 3 of Korotan D, taking place just after graduating high school, he mentions he’s not very good at English, so he either got worse with time or never was that good either. Most likely the second, though : plenty of characters are good at English, and the season 2 opening give us a shot at his first semester grades.

Since it’s a bit blurry and I suppose not a lot of you readers are proficient in Japanese, here are the results in a more accessible form (keeping in mind the grades are on 5).

First row

Japanese: 3, Social Studies: 3, Maths: 2, Sciences: 2, Music: 4

Second row

Art: 5, Home Economics: 5, P.E.: 3, English: 4.

Yes, definitely better at English. The good music skills is a nice surprise, and the good score in Home Ec. not so surprising with his dexterity, plus him being in Hara’s group when it comes to group activities. He’s really the kid that’s excellent at all secondary subjects...

And then there is Physical Education. He seems to be neither good or bad at it, but how does he compare with the rest of the class?

...That’s a good question, because the opening doesn’t give us good shot to half the class’ grades. What we do, however, is (yet again) the Individual Ability chart, which give us “Physical Ability” and “Mobility” (that I also include as I feel this cover both speed and agility).

The first one is... not brillant, to say the least ; with a score of 2.5 on 5, there are only seven students worse than him (and that include Ritsu, so really it’s more like six), and two of the same level. When only students like Okuda or Nagisa are the ones you can beat in arm wrestling, you’re not exactly at the peak of strength. 

As for Mobility, still 2.5 on 5. Seven students worse (still including Ritsu). Yet again, it’s low but barely enough for it to not classify him among the bottom.  And he have an avantage here: as Karasuma says in the Roll Book profile, ‘he has a tall back and has reach’, not something you can exactly argue with his 179cm, merely one cm less than Terasaka and Karasuma. Longer legs means longer steps, after all. 

...Still a weakass, though.

We talked art, we talked skills, now let’s continue with personality.

Let’s come back to the previous sentence from Karasuma, this time the full version: ‘Although he has a tall back and has reach, he is poor at close combat due to his personal nature.’ Sugaya is one who avoid fights, or is too nice to hurt someone. And he does seems of the nice kind ; after all, isn’t his hidden side in the Graduation Book that he’s helpful?

It’s not so much of an hidden side, to be honest. Besides teaching Kurahashi how to apply camouflage, we also have him help the others prank an ex of Maehara (in a manga exclusive story) by making disguises, and he helps paint Itona’s tank when he, according to the graduation book, is immune to girls (and wouldn’t have much of a thrill peeking under their skirts like some others)... Drawing Nagisa as Abe Sada on Karma’s request... Uh.

Note that at that point, Karma got along well with the class (so much that they send him messages during winter vacation), but there’s an interesting bit about Sugaya on his profile: ‘Even now, there are some in Class E who are still afraid of Karma. That’s why students-who-want-to-tease-and-Tsukkomi-him-a-little-but-decided-to-back-away such as Sugaya are common.’ It might hint at a teasing nature for Sugaya, but mostly that he can be intimidated. 

Another project on which he works because someone asked is Okajima’s, but he’s said to be ‘tricked’ into taking part in it. We don’t see much of him enough as an individual to know is he’s easy to fool (he does fall for Korosensei’s trick about a punchline in chapter 156, but then so does most of the class), but he doesn’t seems to inclined towards thinking much about things (he does have a 2 on 6 in Strategy/Planning aptitude, after all). 

Nice enough to participate in group projects if asked to, but still more of a lone worker: he’s classified among the individualistic students doing assassinations on ‘their own schedule’, and is shown to work more by himself (except maybe with Mimura what, did you thought I would not shamelessly use my previous posts). According to his Assassination Aptitude chart, he would make a pretty poor leader, too, with the lowest score possible of 1 on 6. Which might also tie in with him potentially being easily intimidated, too...

Not only he would rather work alone, he doesn’t seem to care so much about what others might think of him, either: tattoos are a big deal in Japan, yet he acts pretty nonchalantly when he comes in class with one on his arm. While the live-action movie doesn’t have such a moment, we also have an interesting bit of character design:

While Japanese schools are very strict about students not dying their hair, Sugaya have two purple lines of dye in his. Even Nakamura (who did have dyed hair in the manga/anime) doesn’t have her hair dyed. In fact, I think only Karma use hair dye (it’s dubious whether Itona’s hair is naturally white). Ignoring the rules for the sake of aesthetics is a pretty important trait of him, it seems. Maybe is it why he can so easily wear weird patterns?

So far, seems like Sugaya’s a nice, helpful guy who rather prefer calm and alone time, maybe a bit too carefree but nothing truly bad!

...Okay, maybe I spoke a bit too fast on the ‘nice’. That’s... a pretty blunt comment. And then going on how he couldn’t concentrate during the exam because of her and that’s why he got the lowest score of the class... Sure, totally her fault here.

...But outside of that, he’s much more mindful of oth-

Sugaya no. Don’t follow Korosensei’s example. It’s bad to take advantage of someone passing out to draw on them when they violently refused a few minutes before.

...Okay, maybe he would gain to take a bit more care of what other might think. Especially if this cause him trouble at work, like seen in the epilogue with him ignoring the allowed budget for the sake of artistic pride (though, according to his personal history page, he does learn to compromise on that point).

Artistic pride, now that’s an interesting point. Sugaya is mostly a calm student, even if he get as angry as the others on things like Bitch-sensei’s early treatment of class E, or Korosensei’s taboo game. There is, however, a comment from his part in his dedicated chapter:

‘Pissed me off’, talk about a strong reaction! Art really is an important thing for him. (Of course we end up talking about Art yet again. Of course). As a writer, I personally find this fact important to keep in mind, as it is easy to give in to flanderization. 

...I mean, you can make his character totally about art and you wouldn’t be too far from the original, so maybe flanderization isn’t that bad of a tactic...

Anyways, happy birthday, Sugaya! I hope with this post, others will take interest in this character!

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s NFL Week 4 Extravapalooza

Another Sunday full of professional gridiron action is upon us. Each of the previous three Sundays (and Mondays and Thursdays) have revealed juuuust a little bit more of the 2019 NFL picture, and by the end of play this week, we should have a pretty firm grasp of where things are headed. LOL, just kidding, football is a perpetual exercise in random chaos, and even the most foul, waterlogged corpse of a team can heroically rise up as one to defeat a two-touchdown spread on a given day. That’s why it’s fun! Well, unless you lose a whole bunch of money when that happens. Then it’s probably not that fun at all. 

As always, my godawful picks are in BOLD, and the lines are courtesy of Vegas Insider.

Off we go!

Early Games

Carolina Panthers at Houston Texans (-4)

Cam Newton revealed in a vlog post earlier this week that he realized during pregame warm-ups for the Panthers’ season opener that he was unable to run due to a foot injury. That seems bad! It certainly explains his horrible performances to start the year, and I wish Cam a speedy and full recovery because the NFL is more fun when he’s trucking defenders and throwing bombs. In last week’s post, I mocked Cam’s replacement Kyle Allen, and he proceeded to have a great game, making me look like a dumb dick in the process. Well, I am DOUBLING DOWN, KYLE. YOU SUCK AND I’M NOT GIVING YOU ANY CREDIT FOR TORCHING THE SORRY ASS ARIZONA CARDINALS. 

DeAndre Hopkins has a tough matchup with Panthers DB James Bradberry, so look for Will Fuller to have himself a ballgame.

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens (-7)

I originally had the Browns as my pick here, but I just read that they’re going to be without their two starting cornerbacks for this one and changed it. Granted, if last week’s version of Lamar Jackson shows up, a depleted secondary won’t be a huge issue since his passes will be way off target, anyway. Was last week’s performance simply Lamar regressing to the mean as a passer, or was it the result of Kansas City being all up in his business for most of the afternoon? I think it was more the latter, and Myles Garrett and company are going to have to bring the heat if the Browns want to pick up a badly-needed W here.

Washington Football Team at New York Giants (-3)

I thought Daniel Jones looked good last week. If you listened to virtually any NFL talking head talk about his debut, you’d have thought he was basically peak Steve Young. Let’s everyone just chill the fuck out on ol’ Danny Dimes for a bit. I think a ghastly, division-game bed-shitting by him is in the cards here just to restore some kind of order to the universe. 

I keep imagining a scenario where Eli Manning is the Emperor Palpatine to Saquon Barkley’s Darth Vader, constantly in his ear trying to turn him to the dark side by pointing out how ridiculous it is that Daniel Jones gets all the slobbering when Saquon is the true star of the team. You can’t spell “Machiavellian” without “Eli!”

It goes without saying that this game will be hideous and you shouldn’t subject yourself to a single snap of it.

Los Angeles Chargers (-14.5) at Miami Dolphins

Another week, another game in which the Dolphins are massive underdogs. I think this is their best shot to cover so far, as the Chargers find themselves in the classic “West Coast team playing at 1:00 EST” scenario. Plus, if somebody asked you “Which supposedly good NFL team is most likely to outright lose a game in which they’re favored by two TDs?” odds are good that the Bolts would be the first team to spring to mind.

Oakland Raiders at Indianapolis Colts (-7)

I’m very much enjoying Jacoby Brissett’s success, as he was by all accounts an awesome guy during his time with New England, and he showed flashes of ability when he had the chance here. In the Battle for Best Brady Backup, he’s clearly ahead of Handsome Jimmy at the moment.

I’m disappointed in the Raiders in terms of their entertainment value so far. I was really hoping for more craziness. As far as I know, Jon Gruden hasn’t even hinted at sitting Derek Carr for Mike Glennon yet. LAME.

Kansas City Chiefs (-7) at Detroit Lions

Matthew Stafford is hurt and according to this Schefter tweet  he’s “the closest he’s probably been to not playing,” which seems bad, but that sentence is so poorly constructed that I can’t be sure. Stafford’s most admirable quality is his toughness, so if he’s thinking about sitting he’s probably quite fucked up. This is going to be such a ruthless Lion slaughtering that even Scar is gonna have a hard time watching.

New England Patriots (-7) at Buffalo Bills

I am all in on the notion of the Bills being a team on the rise, and on Josh Allen in particular, but this game has “41-10 Patriots win” written all over it. This feeling is based on a proprietary blend of rank homerism from me, perpetual fatalism from my Bills fan best friend, and a sausage breakfast sandwich. 

Tennessee Titans at Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

This game inspires no emotion from me whatsoever. No excitement, no revulsion. No whimsical laughter or erotically-charged anger. It only conjures a sense of pure, absolute emptiness. It exists in the void between our reality and another, and ye shan’t glance upon it lest ye go mad. 

Late Games

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Los Angeles Rams (-9.5)

I went back and forth on this pick, because 9.5 is a lot of points to give a team that can theoretically put up points the way the Bucs can. In the end, I went with L.A. because they’re a much better team at home where Jared Goff can clearly hear it when Sean McVay calls the plays, identifies what the defense is, and tells him exactly where to throw the ball and when. 

The Rams also have a pretty good defensive secondary, and Tampa Bay’s breakout WR Chris Godwin is dealing with a hip issue and could be limited. Might be a multi-INT day for ol’ Jameis Winston. I mean, that’s every day, but it could be particularly damaging today.

Seattle Seahawks (-5.5) at Arizona Cardinals

On one hand, we have a team with an unproven rookie QB whose head coach wants him to throw the ball as many times as possible. On the other, we have a team with one of the best QBs in football, whose head coach seemingly wants to minimize him by having him hand the ball off 50 times a game. Football really makes no sense sometimes. 

Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears (-1.5)

This is probably going to be the kind of low-scoring derpfest that gets a certain brand of “football purist” absolutely rock hard. Each team has a very good defense and a QB with a propensity to make truly baffling decisions. I can already hear Mike Wilbon frothing at the mouth describing this game as the way football USED to be played before all these whippersnappers ruined it with their spread formations and head coaches that can read. God, he’s such a twat.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Denver Broncos (-3)

Sunday Night Game: Dallas Cowboys (-2.5) at New Orleans Saints

As loathe as I am to admit it, the Cowboys are very good. While I think Teddy Bridgewater is a perfectly cromulent backup QB who can keep the Saints’ season alive until Brees returns, I don’t this isn’t the kind of game he’s gonna win.

Monday Night Game: Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5)

Last Week’s Record: 4-11 (LOL)

Season Record: 20-24-1

[perfidiouslocution-blog]

i can’t believe i played myself like this

y’all: doing memes because people asked

me: doing a meme b/c i wanted to answer all of the questions anyway. if you don’t want to read them it’s all g! i took out any with spoilers, even though most of you know them already;;

1. A little-known talent of your OC?

Si-Hoo is a talented ballroom dancer! 

2. What trait does your OC like best about themself? (Eyes, guitar skills, random bird facts, etc)

He really likes his looks and sense of humor. He’s a pretty vain kid, though, so this list is probably waaaay longer.

3. How many pillows does your OC sleep with?

One, but it’s one of those really expensive memory foam cooling gel ones that’s catered toward the style that you sleep. Bougie motherfucker.

4. Is your OC good at keeping secrets?

Yeah, very! He’s locked up tightly when it comes to secrets, but whether or not he’s trustworthy is a whole different beast.

5. Your OC's worst habit?

While it isn’t usually on purpose, Si-Hoo clenches his hands into fists and can occasionally draw blood, so his palms are covered in little scars. He does it automatically, at this point, though.

6. Does your OC prefer tennis shoes/sneakers or flip flops?

Ooh... neither, honestly? if he had to pick he’d pick sneakers, but he prefers dress shoes above all else- unless he’s going barefoot.

7. What is your OC's opinion on body modifications?

well,

8. Your OC is given a full-ride scholarship to any college they could want to go to. Where do they go and what do they major in?

a really, really expensive one. and he’d major in some sort of writing, or maybe history! or criminal psychology. it’s a good thing he’s not going to college because he has no idea. (same.)

9. What chore does your OC hate the most?

uhh.. he actually doesn’t mind most chores, but he doesn’t like washing dishes by hand! he much prefers dishwashers.

10. Would your OC prefer to live in the city, the suburbs, or the country?

the city! he loves cityscapes- the only places he’s lived are seoul and tokyo, after all- he’s a cityslicker who wouldn’t last five minutes in the countryside.

11. Is your OC a blanket hog?

oh, not at all! he’s good to share a bed with because he’ll let you have all the blankets.

12. Would your OC play by the rules in a fight or take cheap shots?

he’d play by.... Queensbury Rules.

13. Does your OC have a widow 's peak?

nope!

14. Happy birthday! What kind of present would your OC want?

shockingly, si-hoo likes books! specifically poetry- he’s a fan of neruda, because he’s basic, but he’ll take anything. if not poetry, however, his number two is snack food, of the cherry-flavored variety. 

15. Something that grosses your OC out?

not very much, honestly! he doesn’t like when people are extremely double-jointed, though.

16. Your OC is suddenly on an adventure! Where do they go and what do they do?

si-hoo would really like to see europe! he’s kind of, again, basic, but he’d like to go to london (because he probably has 10,000 conspiracy theories about jack the ripper, yeah.)

17. Is there a real person that looks like your OC?

u,h,,, i mean, he has a faceclaim: cha hak-yeon (aka: vixx’s n). while, obviously, my oc doesn’t look Exactly Like This K-Pop Star (TM), i can’t draw realism so this is the best example of what he looks like that isn’t anime.

18. Something that makes your OC laugh without fail?

he likes stand-up comedy. basically, any jokes that take a lot of buildup, or that are said with utmost sincerity. that, and gallows humor. 

22. Does your OC get frustrated when people forget to close the door behind themselves?

not really! he’s pretty easygoing about it, but you won’t catch him getting up to close it. he’ll just sit there, doing whatever he was in the first place, with the door wide open.

23. What is your OC's first memory?

playing with hyun-sik in the garden and meeting their parents’ friends’ son. wow. i wonder WHAT the SIGNIFICANCE of this MOMENT could BE.

24. Something you like that your OC would hate?

i like chocolate and coffee- neither of which si-hoo is really fond of!

25. Your OC is going into battle/on a mission! What song is their anthem?

i think it’d be this!

26. Does your OC have good or bad posture?

si-hoo has excellent posture! like, just, really good. no back pain in THIS house.

28. Is your OC a conspiracy theorist?

absolutely! it’s unknown just how seriously he takes them, but he does love a good conspiracy.

29. Someone does something awful in front of your OC. How do they handle it?

hmmm... that depends on what it is, but typically, si-hoo’s WAY too easygoing about it.

30. What is your OC's favorite drink?

si-hoo likes cherry cola and raspberry tea! (and the juice that maraschino cherries come in)

31. Does your OC prefer to sleep in a warm or cool area?

it doesn’t really matter to him- though if he had to pick, probably cool!

32. Would your OC like you if they met you?

lololol. no.

33. A song that reminds you of your OC?

this one- i’ve used it on a mix or two, actually!

34. Is your OC a nail biter?

no! 

35. What is your OC's favorite quote?

anything edgy and murder-related, honestly.

36. Your OC's favorite fashion era? (20's, 70's, etc)

si-hoo likes current fashion, mostly- though he does have a fondness for 20′s fashion! 

37. Does your OC get excited when they get mail?

he LOVES snail mail. writes a lot of letters himself, actually. anything with nice handwriting he actually keeps!

38. Random thunderstorm! How does your OC react?

he takes a nap..

39. A strange talent of your OC?

si-hoo’s pretty good with accents!

40. Assuming your OC doesn't have them already, what superpower would they want? If they do already, would they change it, keep it, or get rid of it?

he’d like to be able to read minds!

41. Does your OC like/make puns?

yeah. yeah. what a nightmare.

42. What kind of shampoo does your OC use?

expensive, fancy man shampoo. it smells herbal and a little like cologne and probably costs WAY too much.

43. Your OC wakes up with a coin super glued to their forehead. How do they react?

he doesn’t notice for a long time- but then he spends literal hours taking it off and fixing the surrounding skin. he probably cries.

44. Can your OC sleep if there's any kind of light?

yeah! he’s used to city-lights, and sleeps with the window open anyway.

45. What kind of self-esteem does your OC have?

good god. TOO high.

46. A word that your OC can't stand?

succulent.

47. Does your OC fold their clothes, hang them up, or just leave them in the basket/dryer?

he folds everything perfectly, like those people who work at expensive clothing stores and fold everything picture-perfect.

49. Your OC's most prized possession?

there’s two: his regalia, which i’ll talk about later, and his notebook(s).

50. What is your OC's happy place?

ideally, his apartment, with a cup of tea, writing, with the window open. it’s raining and smells like rain, but it’s not loud, and he can still hear the sound of the city. it’s midnight.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14th July 2019 (Post Malone, Young Thug, Lizzo, Dave)

Top 10

This week, we actually have a new number-one, but I find it hard to be invested in “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello hitting the top after moving up one spot from last week, especially because their limelight will be taken back by Ed Sheeran next week with the No. 6 Collaborations Project, although again, Sheeran has ran himself into a corner if he wants an album bomb (None of his singles released between “BLOW” and “Antisocial” could have possibly charted in the UK). This is Mendes’ second UK #1, his first since “Stitches” in 2015, and Cabello’s second as well, her first since “Havana”. It shouldn’t matter, it’ll be Ed’s next week.

After eight weeks at #1 since its debut, “I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber, a pretty pathetic song in my opinion but far from the worst on the project, is now down one spot to number-two. Once again, it’ll rebound, and if it doesn’t, there’ll be a Sheeran debut to replace both this and “Senorita” pretty quickly.

Oh, yeah, speaking of an Ed, “Beautiful People” featuring Khalid has surprisingly kept steady from its debut last week at number-three.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi is up a single spot to number-four... why?

We also have our first and only top 10 debut, “Goodbyes” by Post Malone at number-five, featuring a verse from... Young Thug. I couldn’t tell you if this is Young Thug’s anything since his Wikipedia discography page is incredibly uncooperative, but this is Post Malone’s tenth UK Top 40 hit and seventh UK Top 10. We’ll talk more about it later, and I have some things to say about it to say the least.

“Crown” by Stormzy takes a two-space hit down to number-six.

Somehow, whilst now assisted by a (Pretty bad) remix with Young Thug and Mason Ramsey, the kid who yodelled in Walmart a couple years back, and a new animated music video about Area 51, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas  X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus, etc. is still at number-seven for like the fourth week in a row. We’ll see if this is in freefall or not next week.

Oh, and “Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock is down two spaces to number-eight. Whether this means it’ll rebound or be completely replaced by another Sheeran track like “Antisocial” or probably “Take Me Back to London”, again, we’ll find out next week.

“Wish You Well” by Sigala and Becky Hill isn’t moving at number-nine.

Finally, Mabel’s “Mad Love” has dipped down two spaces to #10 but I don’t think this is the end of this song, this can be a genuine summer smash; it fits all the requirements.

Climbers

We have a couple of climbers within the UK Top 40 but not many and none of these are even all that good. I mean, I’m not complaining about “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston jumping up ten spaces to #26. Oh, yeah, and by not many I meant none at all, this is the only climber above five spaces in the entire UK Top 40.

Fallers

We have a lot more of these, though; in fact we have plenty here to talk about. “Kilos” by Bugzy Malone featuring Aitch is once again down ten spaces, this time to #40, so sadly Bugzy doesn’t get that summer hit he was expected to reach in terms of longevity but I’m sure a top 20 hit will look good down the line, and we should be thankful it didn’t drop out from the debut entirely, because honestly I expected it to. Elsewhere at #33, “Summer Days” by Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy (Yes, that’s how it’s been credited since release) is down seven spaces, nearing “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys at #32, down eight spots from last week. Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” is slowly making its way out now, down five to #23, with Drake’s “Money in the Grave” featuring Rick Ross doing the same, but prematurely at #22. Otherwise, yeah, there’s not much to speak of here, so let’s move on.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There’s one drop out here that’s gone from the top 75 here and it’s unfortunate but seems to be because of streaming cuts, and it’s “Guten Tag” by Hardy Caprio and DigDat, out from #35 after nine weeks, but it had its run and never really exploded as much as it could have, but again, top 20 hit for a week, nobody’s complaining, The biggest fall otherwise is “If I Can’t Have You” by Shawn Mendes which probably also had that streaming cut in its tenth week, falling out from #19. Elsewhere, “Don’t Check on Me” by Chris Brown featuring Justin Bieber and Ink is out from the debut at #29, “Easier” by 5 Seconds of Summer is finally out from #37 and the deplorable “Heaven” by the late Avicii featuring Chris Martin is out from #39. Oh, and “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man is out from #40 AGAIN. It’ll be back next week or in a couple of weeks, but its chart run has been pretty interesting to follow recently. There aren’t any returning entries, so let’s get straight to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Truth Hurts” – Lizzo

Produced by Ricky Reed and Tele – Peaked at #5 in New Zealand and #6 in the US

Our first two new arrivals are songs that are at least two years old and are just now charting for various reasons, and I’m just glad the UK Top 40 has no recurrent rule because there are some chart moments that could never happen in the US without Billboard getting a bit stingy and inconsistent about what’s allowed and what’s not. This song in particular was dropped in 2017 with a music video and didn’t exactly make waves, mostly because Lizzo wasn’t as known but she does well critically (And did at the time too with her two studio albums she abandoned once she blew up and the image changed), and it was never planned to be on an album. When the song was featured in a Netflix film, Something Great, it clicked with audiences, who would later use it as a TikTok meme because of course they did, and then it replaced “Juice” as the promoted single. Viral sleeper hits from years ago in your career breaking out in the midst of an album cycle is naturally pretty awkward. Anyways, this eventually debuted at #50 on the Hot 100 and became an unexpected massive worldwide smash for the rapper-singer, becoming a US Top 10 hit and now entering here in the UK charts, becoming her second UK Top 40 single after “Juice”. And now for the song itself, I’ll try and keep it brief because I don’t have much to say about it. My stance for now is that it’s pretty good, I like the gliding strings and synths that build up to a pretty fun drop, especially with Lizzo’s vocals and lyrics, which are about boy problems but in a way that’s very sassy and seems oddly personal, directed to someone from Detroit, who she replaced with someone on the Minnesota Vikings team. Some of these punchlines are pretty witty and especially well-delivered with her messy, off-key singing and constantly shifting flow, often with janky overlap between bars. The chorus is really catchy, like it’s not “Baby Shark” level infectious but it’s up there, especially with the little backing vocals accentuating the lyrics. I like the voice cracks in the second verse, and it demonstrates a point where I have an issue with the song, but that may be the point. For a song that seems so confident and full of braggadocio, everything around it wants you to think it’s a lot less stable, with synths that kind of just glide in, the off-key singing, and the badly-mixed trap percussion that’s especially noticeable when watching the video. That could be really clever as it shows the lyrics are mostly a front to cover how pained Lizzo is after this break-up, or maybe I’m completely over-thinking a trap-rap song about being “100% that b****”. Probably that one.

#36 – “Thiago Silva” – Dave and AJ Tracey

Produced by 169

Now, this is a less gradual rise to popularity. It was released all the way back in May 2016 by the two UK rappers who have later blown up and made separate names for themselves. It didn’t get much notice in the mainstream because of course it didn’t, it was 2016. British hip hop was only starting to get more chart presence, and the general public isn’t going to gravitate to two newcomers without an album out at the time, more likely a legacy artist who makes safer variations of grime and trap. Nevertheless, Dave and AJ Tracey are now pretty massive, so their collaborative single from three years ago was later certified Silver (No pun intended) in December of last year, and eventually charted because of a viral performance from Glastonbury 2019, where in the June festival, because AJ Tracey couldn’t make it, Dave called up a fan called Alex who knew all of the lyrics to recite them with Dave. He killed it, did an incredibly awkward interview on Good Morning Britain afterwards, and here we are, with Dave’s twelfth UK Top 40 hit and AJ Tracey’s sixth. I have no idea who Thiago Silva is or what his prominence is, but I know he’s a Brazillian footballer and that the song isn’t actually about Thiago Silva, it’s actually surprisingly generic coming from Dave, but you shouldn’t expect much substance from a grime track made for clubs, and he still has his typical puns that are almost so awful that they tread the line between being so bad it’s good and just circling back around to being awful again.

True say, I ain’t really a drinker / But I got love for brandy like Ray J

The beat is a re-work of influential grime group Ruff Sqwad’s song “Pied Piper”, and I always like when artists of a similar genre call upon some of the works that inspired them for samples... the instrumental takes that low-fidelity sample, add some bumping 808s and trading verses from Dave and AJ. AJ Tracey kills it, and you can tell he was perfectly prepared for “Ladbroke Grove” years later, because he knows how to flow on a grime beat, and actually sounds quite professional. You can’t really blame Dave since he’s very young at the time this was recorded and released, but his verses all suck here, his performance overall is often somewhat off-beat, and sounds really janky anyway, mostly because of how it’s mixed (Badly, if you couldn’t figure that out) and how Dave isn’t recognisable, he sounds like AJ a lot of the time and switches through a lot of different simple flows and cadences without ever keeping his character. The lyrical content is nothing to speak of either. I wish I liked this a lot more, to be honest, but it’s not bad at all.

#34 – “Castles” – Freya Ridings

Produced by Dan Nigro, Mark Crew, Dan Priddy and Yves Rothman – Peaked at #3 in Scotland

Remember Freya Ridings? I sure don’t, she’s boring and unrecognisable from a set of “genuine, down-to-earth” singers, and not just female singers; she’s very much from the same strand of bore as Lewis Capaldi. Her last two singles, including UK Top 10 hit “Lost Without You”, were pretty, I guess, and that’s the main reason I tend to give her a pass over Capaldi – her singles actually sound decently produced and competent, despite overly breathy singing and mostly consisting of a few piano notes and string loops. Her writing isn’t recognisable at all as I said and she doesn’t have a signature style, but she doesn’t need to be. Just deliver it well, and that’s all that should matter, but she’s not convincing. She’s also not everywhere like Capaldi, so I guess that explains my preference. Anyway, this is her second UK Top 40 hit and I don’t care. It’s cut from the same cloth as a lot of indie-rock, which I’m surprised by, but it lacks any weight and gut, it feels like it doesn’t have much grandiosity in its production as a build-up until that chorus comes in, and to be fair to her and her writers, it’s a pretty incredible chorus. I feel like Ridings’ vocals aren’t mixed all too well, they’re a bit quiet until they become multi-tracked in the pre-chorus. That’s enough complaining though, because honestly this is a pretty good song. The use of Ridings’ vocal runs as a synth that goes from the left to right channel in the post-chorus is inspired, the addition of the children’s choir is nonsensical but as a kiss-off that is not grounded at all, hell, I’d be surprised if Freya Ridings literally didn’t build a castle out of this guy’s love, or whatever she’s saying, she has a bit of indie girl enunciation syndrome. Overall, it takes a while to get going and there a couple of nitpicks but this is pretty above average at least and it might grow on me.

#20 – “Home P***y” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Pro Beats

These guys suck. Young Adz and Dirtbike LB, because, yes, those are their names, are pretty painfully bad singers covered in cheap auto-tune with bland trap or Afroswing beats leased off of YouTube, and have a name as a collective that they’ll probably have to legally change after Article 50 kicks in. I don’t hate these people directly, obviously, but their music bothers me mostly because British hip hop is peaking right now in critical acclaim and popularity, and there’s a bunch of these no-names like B Young and Aitch taking advantage of that. Aitch has charisma and unwarranted enthusiasm, B Young is an awful songwriter and is unintentionally pretty hilarious because of that... so what do these dudes have? Anyway, this is their third UK Top 40 hit (Second UK Top 20) and I feel like I should explain the name first, and that’s because this song is about getting all types of girls as you’re on the road touring, but the sex from your girlfriend, or alternatively, from people in your hometown, keeps you “safe”. That’s kind of creepy and also kind of... sweet(?), but who cares? This is trash appealing to the lowest common denominator with barely any thought put into it that’ll be out of the charts in four weeks and that’s being generous. What’s funny enough here to mock then? Well, they start the song with “This ain’t no love song, this is a thug song”, in a childish inflection with a lot of reverb as if it’s some kind of dramatic profound quote, before he makes an incoherent noise and the producer tag shows up, and it’s one of those tags you can get for cheap, I imagine, it’s that robotic female voice you hear on a lot of no-name producer tags. The way Young Adz says anything is in a very childish manner, so it’s always really odd when he says he’s got hitters, or just the words “home p***y” in general. It fits when he’s shouting “skrrt skrrt” ad-libs over the whole track, because his multi-tracked vocals clip and there are no dynamics here at all. Dirtbike LB gives up his rhyme scheme with an Auto-Tuned moan two bars into his verse. Here are some stupid lyrics.

This the last time but not the last time like befooooooooooore

Is that a sentence?

Talkin’ on the net, you’ve got a voice now?

Why are you angry? It’s a sex song about people you trust, why would you go off on women you don’t trust? This is a pretty toxic attitude to have too, that people can’t speak up about relationships after they’ve ended because they stayed quiet and subservient throughout, and that’s not just women, that can be anyone in a relationship.

I hate your friends, I think they’re fake, I hope they all down

Oh, Jesus, okay, well, on that note, I’ve got to stop talking smack about Young Adz.

#11 – “So High” – MIST and Fredo

Produced by Preditah

Okay, this is another trading-bars cut from two British rappers that are very similar musically and in terms of media personality, image, popularity/status and everything else. Essentially, this is our third twin-rap cut that debuted in the Top 40 today, and it’s MIST’s second UK Top 40, first Top 20 and highest-peaking song ever, as well as Fredo’s sixth UK Top 40 and third Top 20. I’m not expecting this to be anything good but I am expecting it to be much more professional in comparison to our last song, and I’m really not surprised that I have next to nothing to say about this song, like at all. It’s not bad, and I love how Fredo flips Fred Gibson’s “Fred again” producer tag in his voice, with the vocal sample acting as the refrain being actually pretty crisp, but MIST is kind of off-beat and the lyrical content is really uninteresting, it’s about treating a woman right but still being a boss or whatever, I don’t know, it feels very much like an early-mid 2000s rap/R&B fusion. I don’t care, though, because I can’t tell MIST and Fredo from each other and wow, this write-up is short.

#5 – “Goodbyes” – Post Malone featuring Young Thug

Produced by Brian Lee and Louis Bell – Peaked at #1 in Belgium and #3 in the US

This is the new surprise smash single from Post Malone, “Goodbyes”, and I said on Twitter the day this was released that it was exactly what I expected from Post as I follow his career path, becoming less of a trap-R&B crooner and much more of a massive pop star who incorporates a lot of hip-hop flows into his brand of depressing, alcohol-induced bouts of strained vocal performances, as well as trap percussion into his often kind of bubblegum pop hits. He hasn’t walked too far away from trap yet, so I think this is where he takes himself away from the SoundCloud rap scene he burst out from, as he uses somewhat of a rap flow in the verses but it is definitely infused with melodic inflections and some syllable-stuttering that reminds me of an awful emo-pop or pop punk song that Post probably would have been into.

Me and Kurt feel the same / Too much pleasure is pain

Yeah, emo-rap guys tend to cite Kurt Cobain although I see more resemblance in Sum 41 than I do Nirvana or any grunge band for that matter. “Need to take off the e-e-edge,” “I’m addic—I’m addicted to you”, it’s one in the same. Anyway, after an unnecessary bout of silence, the song starts with some wavy, dreamy synths, before Post comes in with that “rap” flow that sounds great in that raspy voice he can put on, but that pre-chorus that slowly quiets down and drifts off at the end of each line is perfect as it shows a muddled mindset when a break-up happens, and that’s why some of the lyrics here are janky or even toxic, it’s the initial jerk reaction and all of the awful flaws that Post can think of are coming up at once because he’s confused and just wants this woman out as soon as possible so he doesn’t do something on impulse that can be dangerous, and he knows that he’s not in a place where he’s safe and he could hurt someone, he’s mentally unstable, and is almost scared for the girl he’s breaking up with, which is all heavily implied by the chorus, which by the way when that hi-hat kicks in and later the sub-bass with the contrasting synth melody, oh, man, that’s great. The drop is effective too, and I love how Post flip-flops tonally, from the silly e-e-edge refrains to precision f-strikes in such a way that is as messy as the relationship. God, and then Thugger comes in. Now, I thought he was jarring at first but after having this in rotation, oh my God, this verse is incredible. Thugger’s verse is more generic about these struggles and uses some... questionable language about slicing and dicing this woman, but those first two lines are perfect.

I want you out of my life / I want you back here tonight

It demonstrates greatly in an almost bipolar fashion how unstable this relationship and by extension, Post himself, is in this song, and pretty much sums the whole song up. Then Thugger starts belting about not wanting her to turn the TV off because he’s watching a fight, because, he’s Young Thug. The way he just yells all this mundane problems he has with this woman is cathartic in a way I didn’t initially expect it to be, and it’s actually really powerful, especially that last “YEA YEA YEAH”. It’s a bit dodgy structure-wise, though, and the mixing is actually pretty awful, with the trap percussion sounding quite cheap, Post’s wailing sometimes being overproduced, the clipping on nearly every instrument here showing how rushed it was and it’s essentially unfinished mixing and mastering-wise, but God this is a perfect song otherwise. I love this, I hope it gets a remix but when everything’s peaking in the mix, honestly, it might just add to the power of the lyrics. I’ll be talking about this more in my best list, I’ll elaborate then.

Conclusion

It should be pretty obvious that Best of the Week is going to Post Malone and Young Thug for “Goodbyes”, with Honourable Mention being Freya Ridings’ this week for “Castles”. I know, I’m surprised too, but it’s slim pickings and while I think “Truth Hurts” is probably a better song, I want to shout out the lesser-known song. My goal here is to talk about British pop music critically because there’s not many people who do as regularly as I do, and honestly I’ll be biased to British artists due to this. Lizzo is still cool though. Worst of the Week goes to D-Block Europe for “Home P***y”, with Dishonourable Mention going to... okay, well, there’s none this week and the Honourable Mention is tied with Lizzo for “Truth Hurts”. I forgot most of this stuff was just kind of okay. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[circumswoop]

Black Movado: Frank Ocean and the Art of Time

As pseudonyms go, Frank Ocean is pretty straightforward. Right away you know this is emotive, aesthetic music: why get out of his dreams and into his car when you can do both? Take the innate politeness of a born Southerner, add the steel reserve of a bred lowlife and you get songs made from acrylic acids and fine glass powder. Ocean serenades the sea directly in “Swim Good” and “Blue Whale”. Remember the David Foster Wallace line from “Little Expressionless Animals” abt the sea looking like a big blue dog? Swimming with dolphins, incredibly, is the height of basic. But a blue whale? Years ago I read a piece of short fic, by whom I don’t remember, abt a lifeguard who saves a man from drowning and then later sees that man in public, like a restaurant or something, and he, the drowning man, does not recognize his saviour. I wish I cld run into the burning wreckage of whatever hard drive it was on and rescue that story.

More than anything, Frank Ocean’s music feels like falling thru different kinds of air. Figuring out the angles, or angels, of the artist who once asked us to imagine being thrown from a plane is trickier now than in 2011, not just because we’ll never be those kids again. 2011, year of Frank Ocean and the Weeknd, was when the Tumblr aesthetic peaked, with its treatment of visual culture as micrographic surgery, cutting away segments to freeze for a microscope, repeating until there is no more cancer. As palliative pastiche, Tumblr may never be equaled in the history of the internet. Why do you think Grimes, that bony collector of kitschy enthusiasms, still uses it (sort of)? Why do you think Frank Ocean, parachute artist, still uses it(sort of)? Why do you think I still use it (lol, sort of)? If you are a cutter but not of skin, you cut images, or text, and paste them on a blog in lieu of a body. The word “blog” doesn’t mean anything anymore but it still has exactly the trunk space for a body.

A few days after Blonde dropped, I was talking to Yes abt it on Viber, the app we use to keep in touch now that he’s moved back to Greece. Affectionately, he accused me of being too topical bc I’d heard the record and he hadn’t. Then later, he sent me a video of him hearing “Nikes” for the first time, a master shot of him reacting and lowkey crying, a video he meant for his bf in New York but one he wanted me to see, as one of his designated watchers. Once he sent me a visual of him slamming, and this was almost more wrenching. Something about the way that song switches between weary dragging and witchy sweetness recalls one of my favorite lines of literature, from Ondaatje’s The English Patient: “There are stories the man recites quietly into the room which slip from level to level like a hawk”. (Ondaatje, pastiche royale, is a cutter if there ever was one.) There are stories we tell ourselves and stories we tell our loves. We think we see, just for a minute, the wings of an angel who has temporarily turned into a pickup truck. Or maybe we just hear them.

Frank did some time in church, as attested to on Tumblr: “My grandmother was pentecostal evangelical. She brought much of that fire and brimstone back to her household.”

50 versions of “White Ferrari”

Yes thinks Frank seems pretty gay. I myself do not, while getting that he is. Something about Frank’s testimony seems more like my own, meaning that of a boy who grew up like everyone else and then woke up one day, pretty recently, really exhausted. “Nikes”, for all its gunwales-and-all authenticism, was also a deadly indictment of the ruthless transactionality that passed for straight culture in 2016. Men being power brokers, and women rewarding them, acquires a harsher light when everyone’s in on the joke, when exploitation is the same thing as askance anymore. Yes told me he saw his file from when he was in Bellevue, and honestly they couldn’t figure out his sexuality, except I know for a fact he’s had sex with exclusively men for 3 years now. We discussed it once, and we agreed sort of glibly that girls just aren’t as down, and here’s why: they’re finally as trash about sex as men have been for millennia, but in the opposite direction. Now there’s a winking runway of lights laid out before every m/f interface, and the men are landing and the women are taking off.

I’ve always felt like Frank Ocean did not come out as gay so much as he seceded from the sexual polity. I myself have done this, little by little, over the last 18 months as my years-long relationship, and then another one, wrapped. Seduction and betrayal are an exhausting form of bone remodeling and I can’t deal with that distribution of weight anymore. There’s a reason some dicks are astringent. The curve of the penis is the curve of the earth.

Frank’s Tumblr, last fall: “Consciously though, I don’t want straight—a little bent is good.” Frank on “Siegfried”: I can’t relate to my peers/I’d rather live outside.

Think of another line from “Nikes”--“but if you need dick I got u”--as essentially a somnolent invite, shd sex ever come up. The paradigm of a man too busy for his woman may still be an eye-rolly turn-on, but if that usage slowly morphed into a kind of IOU--not a booty call, but sex on call--then that song accomplishes another mission. If it majors in telling leeches to unstick (these bitches want Nikes/they lookin for a check/tell em it ain’t likely), it minors in motivating the favorably unhorny to speak up for themselves. One of Frank’s most valuable adds has been this exhaustion--if he is in awe of Prince, he’s totally his inverse.

China, Japan, Oceania, France, just around. Casual.

Ocean is, incredibly, both world-spanning and alone. In last year’s NYT feature hosted by Jon Caramanica, he alluded to going on dates in London, keeping the hard drives of his music in a backpack, and skipping Blonde media to tool around anyplace that suited him. These revelations, or postcards, sealed Frank’s fate as patron saint of the voluntarily solitary, which may or may not be the same as the voluntarily committed. In the interview, Frank alludes to the “luxury of choice” which is pretty loaded but the expression of preference is the one thing they shd never take away from you, all the way down to the grout in your cell. Even if you never had it.

In his germinal book The Aesthetics of Disappearance, the writer and artist Paul Virilio famously offered a riffy, razzle-dazzle definition of “picnolepsy” as a kind of allergic reaction to speed--worldspeed or brainspeed, “a montage of temporalities”. This turning of what is essentially epilepsy into just a stunningly inept relationship with reality would seem glib or banal, even though Virilio credits Ambrose Pare’s qualification of epilepsy as “retention of feelings.” Except it also applies to time as a long passage, like a train tunnel, broken up by flashes of light or gleams of steel from above. Obviously this is me getting into Philo101 thru really overqualified means, but picnolepsy is more fun when you make it modular, rather than metabolic. It explains one of the highest functions of pop music: to mark time. Pop is the ceiling fan above you as you lie on your bed. What’s keeping it from falling and slicing you to smithereens?

Frank Ocean Music, with its eroded-coast elisions, nostalgia as a kind of ultraviolence, and polyrhythmic, difficult-to-replicate-at-karoake vocal patterns, is Memory Music. Plenty of artists do this, if not all of them to some extent. Ocean is the rare one who looks sideways, not back to the source of the old memory or forward to the source of a new one. Virilio compares this oscillation to a sort of trackable loss of interest, a loss you can steadily mourn, as simply as looking at old photographs. There’s probably no other songwriter of Ocean’s stature who is so fascinated by the broken image, or the art of the slant, and who breaks that down into pure romance--all while looking so effortlessly out over his life from the slashlike lull of what Virilio called “paradoxical wakefulness.” Which is odd or slightly berserk, since listening to Blond or Endless or even, retrospectively, Channel Orange occasionally elicits symptoms of paradoxical wokeness.

Stare at the monitors and come up with nothing

In the 2016 film Arrival, aliens land in egg-like avatars that also look for all the world like blue whales--especially toward the end of the film, when they levitate with the same impossible elegance. 

The purpose of this film is to talk about time and language, about how they agree and disagree. The aliens, or heptapods, have a written language that uses center embedding and presents visually as witchy-looking spells or smoke. 

As soon as Louise Banks, the Amy Adams character, cracks the language, she cracks time, or at least the heptapods’ expression or experience of it, and is able to, for all intents and purposes and excusing the crudely inadequate phrase, “see the future”. A heptapod sentence can’t really be translated except by effect, because the inkblotty figures they emanate are constructed palindrome-like--the same forward and backward. 

Except it takes several minutes with a legal pad or an app for humans to work out even the flimsiest palindromes, while heptapods intuit or assay the maximum meaning from such recursion with no consideration for time or expelled work, because the time it took to write this sentence would be already inflected in the characters like markers on a motion capture suit. Erase the layer of knowledge or “meaning” and time is able to be visualized, in both directions, and if you can visualize it you can manipulate it. Or erase it.

[your-dietician]

Sparks and Edgar Wright talk 'The Sparks Brothers' documentary and that one bizarre music video you can’t unsee

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/entertainment/sparks-and-edgar-wright-talk-the-sparks-brothers-documentary-and-that-one-bizarre-music-video-you-cant-unsee/

Sparks and Edgar Wright talk 'The Sparks Brothers' documentary and that one bizarre music video you can’t unsee

During the first few minutes of The Sparks Brothers — superfan Edgar Wright’s 140-minute documentary spanning the 50-year career of shrouded-in-mystery sibling duo Sparks — other superfans like Beck, Duran Duran, Björk, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Flea, the Sex Pistols’ Steve Jones, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Jane Wiedlin of the Go-Go’s, and even Neil Gaiman make a very solid argument that Sparks is one of the most influential acts of all time. In one particularly trailer-worthy soundbite, Jack Antonoff even boldly hypothesizes that “all pop music is rearranged Vince Clarke and rearranged Sparks.” Depeche Mode/Yazoo/Erasure founder Clarke is actually in the documentary singing Sparks’s praises as well, but Yahoo Entertainment just has to ask the band’s Ron and Russell Mael themselves if they agree with Antonoff’s theory.

“Jack Antonoff is a great producer and musician, so he’s gotta be right,” frontman and younger brother Russell deadpans.

“The good thing about the documentary — one of the many good things — is that other people could answer those kinds of questions for us, without us sounding like arrogant bastards,” humble keyboardist Ron chuckles. “It was extraordinary to us to hear, because we work in such a confined kind of way, to have other people explaining what our music had meant at least to themselves and also just in a broader sense. It feels much more comfortable having Neil Gaiman talking about us than having us talking about us.”

“I think there’s obviously people that will acknowledge an influence from Sparks. There’s people who won’t acknowledge it. And then there is a third generation of bands who, as Beck points out [in the documentary], maybe don’t know that the lineage goes back to Ron and Russell. And I think one of the reasons for doing the documentary is to show the chronology,” says Wright, whose eccentric directorial style on movies like Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Baby Driver made him the ideal filmmaker to bring the cult band’s story to the big screen. “I’ve actually heard that from some people who’ve watched the movie, that they had this kind of growing sense of like, ‘Oh, I see — that [newer, clearly Sparks-influenced] band that I like doesn’t seem quite so original anymore!’”

Story continues

Sparks’s 25-album, 345-song discography spans everything from glam to proto-punk to new wave to post-disco to baroque chamber pop — which, Wright acknowledges, can be daunting even for an already initiated Sparks fan. As for record recommendations for newbies only now learning about the band via The Sparks Brothers, he muses, “Obviously there are several classic albums, but no one album tells the whole story.” Wright eventually whittles it down to five — 1974’s Kimono My House, 1979’s No. 1 in Heaven, 1982’s Angst in My Pants, 2002’s Lil’ Beethoven, and 2017’s Hippopotamus. (Russell simply suggests “probably one of the best-ofs,” and Ron’s characteristically droll answer to that query is: “Or a Vince Clarke album.”)

Every fan can cite a different album that was their specific introduction to Sparks — “That’s the other odd thing, that everyone who is aware of Sparks has their period when they jumped in,” says Russell — but for many Gen X kids, like 47-year-old Wright himself, it was the new wave era, starting with the Giorgio Moroder-produced No. 1 in Heaven. “That period was really special, because it was sort of the three of us, Giorgio and Ron and I, not knowing what was going to be the end result of it. I think that kind of naiveté, when you go into something not knowing what you’re going come up with, is really special. It was one of those albums that kind of set this blueprint for working as a duo, working with electronics, and working with more danceable stuff,” Russell recalls. 

The band’s reinvention as sequined-jacketed new wave darlings peaked with Angst in My Pants and perfectly coincided with the advent of MTV, landing Sparks in rotation alongside the musicians who’d idolized them like Duran Duran and Depeche Mode. But because the Maels were always pushing the envelope, one surreal Angst in My Pants music video was only played by MTV very late at night, due to its “adult nature.”

That video, “I Predict” — a cinematic classic in its own right — was so bizarre, even by early-MTV standards, that for years it was rumored to be directed by David Lynch. (As it turns out, “I Predict” was lensed by Lynch’s Eraserhead/Blue Velvet cinematographer, Frederick Elmes — who also was the DP for Valley Girl, which featured a Sparks song during a sex scene. So, it all kind of makes sense.) Groans Ron, “I’m not sure if [MTV played the “I Predict” video often], but apparently too many people have seen it since then, in one way or another. I would really like to get that erased from my history, but that’s the way it is.” It’s at this point in Yahoo’s interview that Wright amusingly reminds Ron that the “I Predict” video isn’t just featured in The Sparks Brothers movie — “It’s in the trailer!” — so there’s little chance of it being erased from pop history now.

“There are things in that video… to the people that haven’t seen it, it’s me doing a bit of a striptease that I thought was a good idea [around] 1981, and probably wouldn’t be considered such a great idea at the present time,” laughs Ron, who donned mustachioed day-drag and did a grotesque burlesque routine in a shabby L.A. strip club for the avant garde, low-budget clip. “Anything that’s a video is forever. And people mention that now all the time. It stands out, maybe just because of the sheer embarrassment of watching.” 

As for that distinctively Lynchian aesthetic, Ron recalls, “One thing was that they needed a cast of kind of seedy-looking people around the stage in front of me. And rather than going to professional extras, they just went just out on the street to kind of a homeless shelter and found people. And the people were really extraordinary because they really were very natural and really into cheering on me as a stripper — which, I don’t know, said something about their problems.”

Rumor and speculation has surrounded Sparks from the beginning of their career — for instance, when the band’s 1974 breakout single “This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us” went to No. 2 in the U.K., many fans actually thought the Los Angeles-born Maels were British (which the self-declared Anglophiles considered a major compliment). Others mistook them for German. “We’ve had French, too,” chuckles Russell (an interesting observation, considering that Sparks just collaborated with French filmmaker Leos Carax on the Adam Driver/Marion Cotillard movie musical Annette). Russell admits that he and Ron were actually wary of revealing too much of themselves in The Sparks Brothers. 

“We discussed that with Edgar,” Russell explains. “We’ve always managed to retain this kind of mystery in a certain way; people don’t know too much about the band. We always thought that our music kind of speaks louder than we can ever do, and that the image that people have about the band, either from live performances or what they see on videos, should kind of represent what the band is. And that maybe us talking about ourselves for two hours and 20 minutes would lessen that mystique.”

Meanwhile, the elder Mael’s “bigger fear” was “whether we as people were interesting enough to command a two-hour-and-20-minute music documentary. … We felt, ‘Are we kind of being arrogant by having two hours and 20 minutes of people talking about us?’” But Wright’s original cut was apparently six hours long, so clearly there was plenty to talk about, and there was no shortage of Sparks admirers willing to wax poetic on camera. 

“I think you just kind of let the people tell the story from that perspective, in the sense that there’s no minimum amount of knowledge you need to know about Sparks,” says Wright. “I think also a lot of music documentaries sometimes make the mistake of assuming you know the artist already — and that can be great if you’re already a fan, but if you’re watching the documentary to learn to love them, it’s sometimes tough. So with that sense, I just wanted to sort of let people fall in love with Sparks and hear some of the songs.”

The Sparks Brothers chronicles the highs and lows, both commercially and (in much rarer instances) artistically, of Sparks’s career, but Ron and Russell clearly have plenty of songs left in them. At the respective ages of 75 and 72, they’re still doing some of their best work — along with the soundtrack for Annette, which will open the 74th Cannes Film Festival in July (“It’s really crazy that these two films have kind of emerged at around the same time,” marvels Russell), their 25th studio album, A Steady Drip, Drip, Drip, came out to rave reviews last year. “For us, part of doing what we’re doing is doing it as a cause. It’s kind of ‘us against them’ — and we don’t even know exactly who ‘them’ are,” says Ron. “We feel that we need something to be trying to stop us, in a certain sense, to really push through. And that kind of has always been a motivation: that people thought that we weren’t able to do something, and we would just continue doing it. 

“And the other thing is, there’s a certain arrogance in saying this, but we’re not hearing the kind of music that for us should be out there,” Ron continues. “And so, that’s the music that we’re doing. We’re not necessarily saying we’re right or wrong about that, but what we are doing isn’t being done by other people, and we feel that it needs to be at least a part of the popular musical environment. We’ve kind of always felt that. And that’s one big motivating factor through all of our years.”

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— Video produced by Jen Kucsak, edited by Jimmie Rhee

Portions are this article are taken from Sparks’s interviews on the SiriusXM show “Volume West.” Full audio of those conversations are available via the SiriusXM app.

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At Border of 2 Nuclear-Armed Nations: Machine Guns, Anxiety and Dancing

ALONG THE INDIA-PAKISTAN BORDER — Long before the action starts, the crowd starts building, thousands of people, from all walks of life, inexorably pulled toward each other from two different directions — children riding their fathers’ shoulders, young mothers walking briskly beside them, older folks struggling to keep up.

Up ahead the loudspeakers roar.

“Are … You … Ready?’’

Legs move faster. People stream past the machine gun pits and the men selling fresh, fragrant popcorn. But business isn’t so good. No one wants to stop, no one wants to miss a second of what’s about to unfold.

Every evening at the Wagah-Attari border crossing, along the extremely militarized India-Pakistan frontier, a raw and remarkable scene comes to life, a homage to one of the most powerful forces on the planet today: nationalism.

Thousands of people from two existentially opposed countries pour into stadiums built on the border, just a few feet from each other, and hold enormous pep rallies, side by side. The crowds are mirror images — drawn to each other, fed by each other — gathering every day not to cross the border, but to stare each other down.

“Long Live Pakistan!” they yell out on one side.

“Long Live India!” they shout on the other.

The slogans aren’t terribly original but the atmosphere is electric and at least a little ominous.

Nationalism needs an enemy, an other, and the two governments have built these concrete sanctuaries to stoke it.

As India-Pakistan relations sink once again, these evening ceremonies, which have been going on for decades, are taking on an extra edge.

The tension peaks as the Indian border guards march toward the set of gates that separate the countries, and the Pakistani soldiers do the same. The crowds jump up. It’s time for the stomp-off.

At the exact same moment, the Indian and Pakistani forces throw open their gates. Their tallest, most imposing soldiers strut forward. They stomp closer and closer to each other. But just when they are about to touch, they suddenly stop.

Separated by just a few feet, the soldiers face off, kick their legs high in the air and pound them violently down, mimicking each other’s movements. The soldiers are even wearing the same kind of fan-shaped hats.

It’s all obviously choreographed, which is almost hard to fathom given that these two nations don’t like each other, don’t trust each other and can’t cooperate on much else. Even last year, as India and Pakistan nearly went to war, the show went on.

India and Pakistan have been in state of near war, or real war, for more than 70 straight years, their enmity a product of a very bloody exercise in division.

In 1947, the British rulers chopped the Indian subcontinent into two — a predominantly Muslim Pakistan and a predominantly Hindu India, setting off enormous waves of displacement, bloodshed and lingering bitterness.

Last February, as part of their chronic feud over the disputed region of Kashmir, their warplanes bombed each other’s territory, the first time two nuclear-armed powers had ever done that.

Since then, trade ties have been shelved and the governments routinely insult each other. Even the Friendship Express, a train that used to run between the two countries, has stopped.

The roots of the border ceremony go back to the late 1940s, when the border was first demarcated by Indian and Pakistani officers who had served in the same regiment in the colonial army. The two sides decided that each evening they would lower their flags at the same time.

Apparently, those military manners aren’t totally dead; officers today said that as they perform the drill, the soldiers speak to each other through the gates “down to the second” to get the performance just right.

“The idea behind this is,’’ explained N.K. Singh, a retired Indian border officer, “is that I understand you and you understand me. It’s not a confrontation. It’s a display of the best from both sides.”

“And,” he conceded, “this border is becoming a tourist spot.’’

As the crowds grow, they get rowdier. They often scream vulgarities and signal certain things with certain fingers.

On the Indian side, people shout and dance wildly. The guards patrolling the crowds have to physically hold back the hundreds of young women so fired up by the pulsing patriotic songs that they push their bodies against the barricades.

On the Pakistan side, people clap along dutifully to a one-legged man, possibly a war veteran, hopping around with a flag. Men wear white skullcaps. Some women wear black veils. None dance.

“It looks like they’re having more fun,’’ admitted Zeeshan Rajput, a software engineer from Lahore, as he gazed at the Indian women 50 feet away but distant as a mirage.

The Pakistani stands are smaller — picture a high school stadium stuck in the towering shadow of an N.F.L. arena — and the spirit seems more canned, a sign, perhaps, of how the two countries feel about themselves at this moment.

“Look at those people,’’ snickered Saroj Kumar Sethi, an Indian machine operator, pointing toward the Pakistanis. “It’s like they are ashamed of themselves.’’

India has historically done a better job at creating a sense of national unity, even across a much bigger and more diverse space. One reason is Gandhi, who united the poorest of the poor to repel the British and liberate India.

But lately, many people fear, India’s national unity is not as solid as it used to be. Mr. Modi’s policies have alienated minorities, especially Muslims, provoking deadly protests.

The ritual showdowns along this border end peacefully. On recent visits, the guards shook hands. Then the flags were lowered and gates closed. The show was over, but the tensions are not.

But in Pakistan, people were scared. They stocked up on canned goods and iodine, which helps combat the effects of radiation. Their minds were seized by nuclear war.

“During February, I was really struck by Indians calling for war and I didn’t know any Pakistanis at all calling for war.’’ said Mohsin Hamid, a Pakistani novelist and author of the acclaimed “Exit West.”

He said that many Pakistanis, having seen so much bloodshed in their own country, have grown more suspicious of nationalism.

Last winter, Mr. Hamid took his family and some friends to the border ceremony, thinking it would be an interesting spectacle, some harmless fun.

But he was unnerved by the intolerance, the hatred and the vilification of the other that was so flamboyantly displayed.

“My kids were wondering, ‘What the hell is this?’’’ he said. “I felt really creeped out by the whole thing.’

Jeffrey Gettleman is the South Asia bureau chief, based in New Delhi. He was the winner of a Pulitzer Prize in 2012 for international reporting. @gettleman

Salman Masood contributed reporting from Islamabad, Pakistan. Hari Kumar and Suhasini Raj contributed from New Delhi, India.

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D.C. Hardcore - An Ethnographic Study

When hardcore reared its ugly head in the early 1980s, it was a unique beast.Though the music bore similarities to its punk ancestors, this new sound was particularly vicious, potent, and wholly unmarketable to a commercial audience. Forced to live outside of the mainstream, the hardcore punks had to turn inward to define their sense of accomplishments and success. Authenticity was defined not by number of records sold or in dollars made, but rather by instilling an insular sense of community amongst the scene and its inhabitants. As a concept frequently chased by musical subcultures looking for an alternative to mainstream industry practices, the idea of democracy became an essential facet of the hardcore culture. David Hesmondhalgh highlights in his article ‘Post-punk’s attempt to democratize the music industry’ that the fundamental elements of a functional democratic system are ‘participation’ and ‘access’ for constituents of all levels. Whereas mainstream media seeks to create and promote a product that is shiny, neat, and expertly crafted, neglecting the contributions of anyone outside the pre-determined elite, hardcore was set up to be fully inclusionary (Hesmondhalgh, 256).

Fittingly, this concept of democracy was most fully realized in the nation’s capital of Washington D.C. Not in the government of course, but rather, in a community of young hardcore punks eager to claim a culture as their own. Dawson Barrett claims, in his article ‘DIY Democracy: The Direct Action Politics of U.S. Punk Collectives,’ that at its core, punk is a form of “direct action.” He argues that in a DIY (or Do It Yourself) culture, punks are able to solidify their own “elaborate network of counter-institutions, including music venues, media, record labels, and distributors” that specifically caters to their own needs. In D.C., this way of thinking was brought to life. Spearheaded by de facto leader Ian MacKaye, vocalist of Minor Threat, and bolstered by his record label, Dischord Records, D.C. became the face of democracy for America’s hardcore culture.

The seeds for hardcore’s democracy were sown just as the genre was in gestation. Regarded by many as the country’s first hardcore band, Los Angeles, California’s Middle Class were barely musicians themselves. “The original punk bands, most of these people were musicians and were into glitter and glam, stuff like that. They already knew how to play and adopted punk rock as a style,” explains the band’s bassist, Mike Patton. He elaborates, “We listened to the first punk rock records and we learned to play. And we were doing it really primitively because we didn’t really know, so we just put it all into energy (American Hardcore).” The music posed a radical shift from typical songwriting conventions such as melody and structure, focusing more on speed and aggression. Chris Foley of Boston’s SS Decontrol emphasizes that “the whole thing with hardcore was that it was people just picking up a guitar, learning three chords, and playing as fast as they could (American Hardcore).” Though they were often shouted at a tone and speed that rendered them incomprehensible, typical lyrical content consisted mostly of issues with politics and social injustices. According to Chris Doherty of Boston band Gang Green, “We were just screaming against authority and our parents and about everything that was pissing us off in our life (American Hardcore).”This sort of ‘anybody can do it’ approach allowed both participation and access for wayward youth all across the country. Hardcore scenes eventually popped up on both coasts, most significantly in L.A., Boston, Minneapolis, New York, and of course, Washington D.C.

           Data collected from the 1980 census shows that, at the time, the neighborhood of Washington D.C. consisted of nearly twice as many African-Americans as whites (U.S Census Bureau, 1980).  “In my junior high school, I was one of 10% white kids,” said Ian MacKaye, leader of Minor Threat, Fugazi, and the eventual face of D.C. hardcore, “And in senior high school, I was one of 20% white kids (American Hardcore).”. In search of an identity separate from their black peers, these white, middle-class kids of D.C. discovered and embraced punk rock, which bore no elements of the funk and soul music popular with the other local youth. “If you grew up white in this city and you’re not part of the political establishment or you’re not part of true culture, which is a black culture, then you have no culture,” elaborated MacKaye, “There’s nothing here (Azerrad, 121).”That is, until, ironically enough, a group of young African-American Rastafarians known as the Bad Brains brought hardcore into town. The punk-on-speed aesthetic that characterized the music left a huge impression on the D.C. youth (Blush & Petros, 117). Bands such as The Teen Idles, S.O.A., Government Issue, and Scream formed in the Bad Brains’ wake, each putting their own spin this frenetic brand of punk rock. Hardcore subsequently became a culture for these kids in the early 1980s that didn’t fit in with the local majority. Footage of live shows during hardcore’s peak years gives a good sense of the scene’s demographic. Most bands and fans alike ranged from teens to young adults, anywhere from around 15 to 25, the vast majority of which being white males (Minor Threat - Live at Washington D.C., 1983).

These live shows consisted of a chaotic environment where a slam-dancing was a common occurrence. This was an intense, violent form of physical expression where fans would, as the name implies, slam into each other at full force during the band’s songs. They used this dancing as almost a ritual to unify the scene, especially at events that were outside of their home turf. For instance, while attending a Black Flag show in New York, the D.C. punks allegedly “knocked into anyone with long hair (“hippies”) or those who weren’t slamming with them.” Instigating violence in such a manner led to a full out brawl between the D.C. and N.Y. punks, which they used as a means of proving themselves (Azerrad 131).

As less outwardly violent rituals, stagediving and crowd-surfing eventually became fixtures of live shows as well. During a band’s performance, a fan, or sometimes even several at once, will climb up onstage, often run across with their hands in the air, scream along with a few lyrics, and proceed to dive back into the crowd. Footage from a 1983 Minor Threat concert at D.C.’s ‘9:30 Club’ features the band welcoming the fans access to the stage; they play along with unflinching persistence despite the added presence, and sometimes vocalist Ian MacKaye will even throw an arm around the stage-diver so they can share a few lyrics into the mic before he returns to the sea of bodies from whence he came (“Minor Threat - Live at Washington DCs 930 Club…”). Even when the fans are not on the same literal stage, they are invited to participate in singing when the vocalist would putthe microphone into the crowd. At this same Minor Threat show, MacKaye holds the microphone into the crowd below him during several songs in the bands set. One instance features a call and response between Ian and the crowd, another features Ian letting the crowd sing an entire verse of their song “Out of Step” while he coaches them along. At another videotaped Minor Threat show in Baltimore in 1982, the venue’s P.A. was shut off and yet the band still played on. MacKaye acted as a manic preacher, conducting the crowd to sing along to every last lyric (“Minor Threat live in Baltimore…”). The fans’ access to the stage and opportunity to participate in the live show is a big part of what makes the D.C. hardcore scene so unique. The connection to the music on the behalf of fans and bands alike is nearly unprecedented.  

This connection was established early on as the genre’s namesake term was created. “We called ourselves ‘hardcore’ to distinguish between us and the Sid Vicious kind,” says MacKaye, intent on establishing he and his contemporaries’ music-centered approach, “We weren’t into the fashion as much as we were into the approach and intensity and urgency (Blush & Petros, 134).” As Jason Middleton points out in his essay ‘D.C. Punk and the Production of Authenticity,’ this distinction is a necessary one, as English punk style in the 1970s was commodified and turned into runway fashion almost as quickly as it began. Even the Sex Pistols, England’s most notorious punk export, were born as a sort of business venture from Malcolm McLaren, the owner of a U.K. clothing shop, ‘Sex’ (Middleton, 336). To avoid this potential pitfall, bands were often discouraged from selling any sort of promotional merchandise at local shows.

Middleton posits that this practice played into one of the major elements of authenticity production for the D.C. punks. In order to keep things within the scene, the investment of profits back into community projects instead of lining any one person’s pockets was essential. The flagship indie label for D.C., Dischord Records, was formedby Ian MacKaye and Jeff Nelson (both of Minor Threat) in 1981 with a strict set of ideals meant to further enhance the community. Bands had complete creative control over their projects, profits were split 50/50, albums were sold for sub-standard prices, and there was little involvement in promotional or merchandising practices. Minor Threat, and later MacKaye’s Fugazi, disassociated themselves from selling band t-shirts, stickers, posters and other sorts of consumer products to distract from the music (Middleton, 345). ‘Folding parties’ were held at Dischord’s headquarters, where the bands and their friends would spend entire nights at a time gluing and folding record sleeves together instead of hiring out to an outside company to manufacture them (Azerrad, 143). Along with Middleton’s scene investment concept, here we also find yet another example of Hesmondhalgh’s idea of democratic participation and access.

Compounding the idea of music as the exclusive product was the fact that a lot of members of the D.C. scene were underage kids. In order to ensure participation and access to live shows for fans of all ages, the D.C punks were forced to bypass mainstream venues and take advantage of alternative spaces to put on shows.They would use backyards, abandoned stores, basements, and pretty much any other empty space they could find to create a makeshift venue. H.R. of Bad Brains recalled, “When we found out that somebody had a shopping center, or somebody’s apartment complex, or somebody’s mom and dad was moving, we would then rush to that place and say ‘Hey! There’s a show going on tonight and everybody’s invited’ (American Hardcore).” These alternative venues, removed from the bar scene, took the consumer commodity of alcohol out of the live show, leaving music at the forefront of the experience. Alcohol’s absence from these live events became a convenient intersection with the burgeoning 'straight edge' movement in the D.C. underground. Coined after a Minor Threat song of the same name, ‘straight edge,’ often stylized as ‘sXe,’ denotes a lifestyle where one voluntarily abstains from doing drugs, drinking alcohol and engaging in promiscuous sex (“An Interview with Ian MacKaye”). Despite being originally intended by MacKaye as a declaration of his own ideals, the lyrical content of “Straight Edge” hit home with a large group of hardcore kids not only in D.C., but across the country. In his book “Straight Edge: Hardcore Punk, Clean Living Youth, and Social Change,” Ross Haenfler suggests that this movement gained traction among the hardcore youth because the nihilistic, “no future” attitude of the early punks was lost on this new generation. Haenfler posits that “being clean and sober was the ultimate expression of the punk ethos,” the epitome of punk’s ‘question everything’ ideology. He went on to refer to it as “an act of resistance that defied both mainstream adult and youth cultures (Haenfler, 100).” What is more punk than being forward thinking, but presenting yourself in a professional manner? Jason Middleton points out though, that the straight-edge movement, despite its unification of those who shared a certain mindset, created a separatist attitude amongst its followers. This caused a schism within the otherwise tight-knit community (Middleton, 342). What began as something meant to allow participation and access to the outsiders of typical punk culture started to alienate those who opposed their radical new views.

The vibrancy of the D.C. hardcore scene would eventually start to fizzle out come the mid-1980s as most of the bands started to splinter and fall apart, but hope was not completely lost. After Minor Threat’s breakup, Ian MacKaye’s new project, Fugazi, maintained the ideals of his old band with an even more militant attitude. For instance, the band flat out refused to play in venues that operated as bars so every show could be all-ages, and they wouldn’t charge any more than $5 a head for attendees. This was to ensure that fans of all ages and budgets to have access to their shows, and if these requirements were not met, they would simply pack up their equipment and leave the gig (“An Interview with Ian MacKaye”). They kept this practice up until entering an indefinite hiatus in 2002, making them the last of the original D.C. punk bands to wave their democratic flag. 

Despite the core of the scene’s dissolution, the music and its legacy still lives on. Dischord Records is still running strong to this day, continuing to release D.C.’s finest underground indie and punk rock albums, and many of the scene’s original members have gone on to find success with other bands (“Dischord History”). Minor Threat’s Brian Baker is currently in Bad Religion, and Scream’s drummer Dave Grohl went on to join Nirvana and found the Foo Fighters.  And none of this would have happened if these people hadn’t had access to music at a young age. The D.C. hardcore scene’s unflinching commitment to ensuring people of all ages, shapes, and sizes the ability to participate in and access musiccreated a tremendously influential environment in the history of music and in the lives of its inhabitants. 

Bibliography

American hardcore. Dir. Paul Rachman. Perf. Ian MacKaye, Henry Rollins, Paul Hudson. Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, 2007. DVD.

"An Interview with Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat/Dischord Records." YouTube. YouTube, 20 Dec. 2011. Web. 12 May 2014. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS-jq1MzUzo>.

Azerrad, Michael. Our band could be your life: scenes from the American rock underground 1981-1991. Boston: Little, Brown, 2001. Print.

Barrett, Dawson. "DIY Democracy: The Direct Action Politics of U.S. Punk Collectives." American Studies 52.2 (2013): 23-42. Print.

Blush, Steven, and Petros, George. .American hardcore: a tribal history. Los Angeles, CA: Feral House :, 2001. Print.

"Dischord History." Dischord History. N.p., n.d. Web. 18 May 2014. <http://www.dischord.com/history/>.

"District of Columbia - Race and Hispanic Origin: 1800 to 1990." U.S. Census Bureau. Web. 13 May 2014. <http://www.census.gov/population/www/documentation/twps0056/tab23.pdf>.

Haenfler, Ross. Straight edge clean-living youth, hardcore punk, and social change. New Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press, 2006. Print.

Hesmondhalgh, David. "Post-Punk's attempt to democratise the music industry: the success and failure of Rough Trade." Popular Music 16.03 (1997): 255. Print.

Middleton, Jason. "D.C. Punk and the Production of Authenticity." Rock over the edge: transformations in popular music culture. Beebe, Roger, Denise Fulbrook, and Ben Saunders (Ed.) Durham: Duke University Press, 2002. 335-356. Print.

"Minor Threat - Live at Washington DCs 930 Club in June of 1983 (Part 2)."YouTube. YouTube, 4 Jan. 2011. Web. 14 May 2014. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgVmAkdi22A>.

"Minor Threat live in Baltimore 9/18/1982." YouTube. YouTube, 21 Apr. 2013. Web. 14 May 2014. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-jJwK2mKvs>.