#FUCKING HELL LETS GO FITZ

[heyitsrink]

It's late and I'm having Fool's Errand Thoughts. Specifically, I'm thinking about the astronomical amount of times in that book when it seemed like Fitz and Beloved were going to kiss but then let the moment fade–or–a conveniently abrupt distraction would shatter the tension (I'm looking at you: care to dance we already do scene, mirror scene, etc.).

I'd bet that Fitz really and truly wanted to kiss Beloved in those moments but held back out of the fear that allowing a kiss from him would result in His Fool leaving again. I wonder if, in the height of these romantically charged moments, Fitz would experience a flashback to the kiss in the mountains and then the image of the Fool flying off on Girl-on-a-Dragon.

Fast forward to the end of Fool's Fate when Beloved kisses Fitz and makes him whole again - The Fool doesn't run off (at least not right away), allowing Fitz to hope that this time might be different.

Not a chance in this tragic hell.

I wonder then, after Fitz emerges from the Skill Pillar, only to find that the Fool is gone, if he couldn't help but remember the kiss as just another omen of His Fool leaving him again. I wonder if he thought about the trade-off of being forged forever if it meant the Fool stayed. I wonder if Fitz would absently touch his lips and then the mark-free spot on his wrist.

So in conclusion: no wonder Fitz was so fucking weird about Kissing Beloved in the final trilogy ("panting into his mouth" - be so for real right now dude).

[samuelsdean]

If you won't do it, I will.

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: you were so engrossed with images of you kissing Reid and him kissing you back that you forgot one detail—the man could wake up at any moment without you noticing. and he did wake up. You just failed to notice, too busy ogling his pink lips.

genre: fluff & angst

word count: 3.7k

author's notes: another tooth-rotting spencer reid fluff because i said so! you can listen to watch you sleep by girl in red & out of my league by fitz and the tantrums while reading this because those were the songs i listened to while writing this and i think they fit really well with this fic.

THAT DARN SUNLIGHT, YOU SHOULD GET YOUR BLINDS FIXED WHEN YOU’RE FREE—THEN IT HITS YOU. You just got it fixed about two weeks ago. You are definitely not in your room.

Scrambling to get up, you were about to jump off whichever bed you ended up in last night when you felt a warm, lithe arm tucked underneath yours, clasping you in a soft embrace like a lover. Now that you think about it, you could feel this person’s hair tickling your chin and their warm breath against your neck.

This is seriously freaking you out. You have no idea who you are cuddling with. Jesus Christ, how many shots did you drink last night? Why would the team let you go home drunk with some guy? 

Gently, you removed the arm wrapped around your waist and slowly pushed away the brunette positioned snugly between your head and shoulder. No way.

The person you are cuddling with is none other than your genius coworker.

Dr. Spencer Reid.

Like any other normal person would do—no person in their right mind would sleep with their coworkers, literally and figuratively—you checked yourself for any presence of clothing. Thank God, you did not completely lose your mind last night and slept with Reid. But it still doesn’t explain why you were wearing his faded Star Trek shirt and one of his pajama pants.

Fucking hell, did he change your clothes for you? You were ready to catch the next plane and disappear at this point.

You were about to start berating yourself for getting into this mess when you noticed how the sunlight made the man beside you look more angelic than usual.

The sun seemed to caress every freckle on his face, the slight pink tinge from the cold morning air, and his hair—although unruly from the tossing and turning during the night—could pass for that of a shampoo model. Pretty.

And his lips.

They looked even more inviting right now, pink and full and parted slightly, as he breathed in and out small puffs of air, finally sleeping soundly following a week of sleepless nights tracking down an unsub. You roamed your eyes once more on his face, starting from his hair and down to where his upper body was covered by an old shirt and the blanket you shared—forgetting your initial dilemma as to how you ended up in bed with your coworker (whom you have a big crush on).

Thank goodness you did not have sex with the one guy you were practically in love with for years. It would be nice to remember every detail of that rendezvous—if that ever happens. You groaned inwardly. This is not the time to fantasize about your coworker, Y/N! You need to get out of bed and out of his house.

But a part of you longs to keep pretending that this is real. That sleeping next to—cuddling, let us be honest—Reid is a usual occurrence. Pursing your lips, you closed your eyes and willed yourself to go back to sleep. Let the future version of you worry about how you will handle waking next to your coworker. Except you could not.

You wished you could tattoo what Reid looked like in the early morning light when he was asleep and without that crease between his brows that seemed to be etched permanently from all the stress of chasing unsubs around the country.

You gotta admit, some days, you yearned for Reid’s eidetic memory. You wished you could have memories of him engraved in your brain that no matter what you do, you could not help it. He would be there. A persistent thought. But then again, you were in too deep with your feelings for the man that you think, even without an eidetic memory, you could definitely recount all your favorite memories with him in a heartbeat.

So, you chose to stay awake.

This is not looking good for you. How else would you explain to someone—your coworker, of all people—who just woke up why you were staring at them while they slept. God, you are down horrendously.

He looked so peaceful like this. Pink cheeks, freckles, and messy hair. He looked so adorable you wished you could pepper his face with kisses and bury your face in his chest. And he is snoring lightly. He is endearing.

You are never getting another chance like this. This will not hurt anyone, right?

Hence, you took in every tiny detail, every freckle, every mole, and every scar you could see. You committed to memory every inch of skin your eyes could reach before the man beside you woke up. You tried to learn by heart what this man looks like when he is untroubled and at peace—what he looks like in the eyes of his future lover when they wake up next to him because that would never be you.

It would never be you.

And that could happen any day now. Reid was bound to find someone who would love him. He was the easiest person to love. He was not a prince charming nor the male lead of a romance novel kind of guy, But he has this boyish charm.

Let us be real. Reid was probably the most uncoordinated guy alive and the most socially awkward person ever. But you were taken by him. The moment he started spewing facts and statistics about anything and everything under the sun, you were done for.

He could talk to you about why worms were called worms and the probability of people dying on their birthdays. And you would listen to him willingly. You were that taken by him. Not to mention, it does not help your case that Reid was probably the prettiest person alive. Well, not literally, but he was that close to being the prettiest person—in your opinion of course.

He had messy, brown curls that looked like they barely experienced the touch of a comb, but you knew they were soft. You knew because every time Reid did something endearing—everything he did was endearing, for you—you always ruffled his hair. This would make him grumble about how he had to fix it again and to which you would reply with a cheeky, You know what a comb is? And Reid would roll his eyes at you.

He had hazel eyes that reminded you of a puppy dog. They were mostly brown with a tinge of green. Most days, it reminded you of being cozy, drinking hot chocolate by the fire. They looked like you were coming home. They always looked like they were pleading for you to stare at them. And you admit you have lost count of the many times Reid had to flick his fingers in front of you with a matching Earth to Y/N and a mini history lesson starting with a Did you know that the history behind that phrase comes from science fiction movies showing people on earth sending messages to people in space?

And Reid always wore the fluffiest cardigans and sweater vests, reminding you of your teddy bear collection at your childhood home. It was crazy how if you saw anyone else in the law enforcement track having the same fashion sense as Reid, you would probably think of them as ridiculous. He wore a pair of black converse sneakers, among other things. For heaven’s sake! Come on! You have to go after seasoned criminals—you at least have to look the part. Right? You have to look imposing and menacing to intimidate them in interrogation rooms. However, the teddy bear look—as you’d like to call it—works so well for Reid. 

What is more, is that Reid fits your ideal type. He is probably the poster boy for it. Ever since you were never into the macho guys and their big muscles. No offense to them because those are their bodies. They look good, but you like your men a little scrawny. You liked lean and really tall men. And Reid is definitely that. He may have failed his fitness test a gazillion times, but the man was in no way, shape, or form, unhealthy. He had the right muscles at the right places and besides, he literally goes after serial killers. He is fit alright.

Lost in your thoughts, you were damn near ogling the man beside you and ended up looking fixedly at his lips. You always thought he had kissable lips, minus the fact that it is probably because you were practically in love with the guy.

You wanted to kiss him so bad it is killing you right now. But in your good conscience, you couldn’t and you wouldn’t. You were completely aware of Reid being a germaphobe, and he has mentioned countless times, kissing is more hygienic than shaking another person’s hand, kissing a sleeping person was out of the books for you. One, the person couldn’t consent because they were unconscious. Two, you were not his lover. Kissing him while he was asleep would be a violation to him. Not to mention, unwelcomed and creepy as hell. Imagine waking up and someone has their lips slobbering your face. Icky!

You were so engrossed with images of you kissing Reid and him kissing you back that you forgot one detail—the man could wake up at any moment without you noticing.

And he did wake up. You just failed to notice, too busy ogling his pink lips.

“If you won’t do it, I will.”

You froze in place.

Like a deer caught in the headlights, you rushed to leap out of Reid’s bed—almost toppling over on the floor in an unladylike fashion. You probably would look worse than Reid when he was huffing and puffing during his last fitness test mandated by the bureau.

But before you could jump out and run away from the man beside you, Reid had all but effortlessly pulled you towards him. You ended up burying yourself into his chest face first as you clutched his shirt to break the fall. It is not even 8 am in the morning yet, and you have managed to embarrass yourself enough for your parents to cut off all ties with you. You would rather dig yourself a hole to die in than be here.

Knowing you have nowhere else to escape, you believe it was time to lie on the bed you made. Sluggishly, you pulled your face away from the lean chest you descended on and peeped up at the angelic face you’d been staring at for the past hour with a sheepish smile.

“H-hi, Reid!”

This is just pure torture. Reid probably knew why you looked like an actual tomato with how red you are, at this moment. He is smiling at you like a cat who ate the canary as he suppressed a laugh.

“I didn’t know you had a clumsy side to you, Y/L/N,” Reid snickered.

What?

“What?” You frowned, which made Reid chuckle some more, shaking his head.

“Nothing,” you scrunch your brows as you tilt your head in confusion, “You just seem so formidable on the field and interrogation room. I’d hate to be the one you’re tracking down,” Reid responded.

“Oh, um,” you grinned as you thought of the perfect rib for the man in front of you, “Just because I’m an FBI agent doesn’t mean I can’t be uncoordinated every now and then. I mean, I know plenty of agents who are quite the klutz on the daily,” you peered at him while he gawps in protest.

“Hey!” He argued, scowling at you.

God, he’s endearing.

“I didn’t mention any names,” you chortled, raising your hand in defense, which made him roll his eyes.

You cracked up at his juvenile actions. In turn, Reid smiled in amusement.

God, you can’t believe that you’re laying on a bed beside Reid. With Reid—like it’s an everyday thing. The smiles. The banter. The laughter. This is crazy. You could get used to this. Sleeping next to him and not just next to him—like the ones you have during your cases where you get to be roommates. No, sleeping on one bed, next to each other. Waking up next to each other. Hearing his gruff morning voice.

You could get used to this.

You can’t.

You shouldn’t.

Reid is your friend. A coworker. You shouldn’t be fantasizing about sleeping and waking up next to him, that is unprofessional. Not to mention, you would be breaking one of the golden rules of the bureau. Never fraternize with a fellow agent on the same unit. 

Seemingly lost in thought, you retreated from the man beside you, as you grimaced.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, Reid,” you smiled glumly, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” you patted his cheek gently.

“Is this about you waking up in my bed? I swear no—”

“I know, Reid,” you sighed, “You would never hurt me. I was drunk last night. I’m sure you brought me here because you were too tired to take me home. We just got back from a case and I shouldn’t have drank a lot of shots after all the sleepless nights,” you were slowly sitting up now, “But thank you, Reid. Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Always, Y/N.”

This made you smile.

Trust Reid to always make your heart flutter at the tiniest gestures. He’s probably the most genuine and compassionate person you know. It breaks your heart every time you remember that his actions might make you feel butterflies in your stomach, but he does them not because he sees you romantically—he just does them because that is just how he is—caring.

“I’m gonna get up now,” you muttered.

“So, that’s it?”

This made you pause.

“What do you mean?” You looked at him, to which he scoffed.

“You know what I mean, Y/N.”

“No, I really don’t, Reid,” you scowled, growing irritated at this whole situation, his riddles, and him, for being so perfect, “So, you better tell me because you scoffing at me is slowly infuriating me.”

“You spent an hour, eighteen minutes, and thirty-eight seconds watching me sleep,” Reid shared as matter-of-factly, as if to say "You aren’t slick, Y/N, " which made you sputter in indignation. At this rate, you wouldn’t be surprised if Reid would be considered by the Guinness World Records as the first omniscient person on earth with his brilliant mind. The man has an IQ of 187 for Pete’s sake!

“If that doesn’t tell you anything, then I don’t know what will,” he finished.

“First of all,” you started, “I did not watch you sleep.”

This made the man raise one brow at you. Liar.

“Second of all, if I did watch you sleep and you felt it,” you continued pointedly as if to tell Reid you weren’t watching him sleep. “Shouldn’t you have called me out on it? Why did you let me be then?” 

“I don’t know. Okay?”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” You pushed, crossing your arms.

“I woke up just a few minutes after I felt your stare,” Reid began rambling, “Did you know the reason why we feel someone is looking directly at us is that we have this system called the gaze detection system? I woke up a few minutes after I felt you staring.”

You smiled fondly at the man prattling facts from the back of his brain. This was your favorite version of Reid. The one who knows anything and everything under the sun and can probably talk about them if you asked him to. But right now, you have had enough of that. You won’t allow him to distract his adorable babbling from knowing why he let you stare at him.

Maybe he shares the same feelings with you.

“Reid,” you exhaled, “that still doesn’t explain why you let me watch you sleep.”

This made the man’s cheeks start dusting with pink. You were aware of the fact that it should have been the questioning done the other way around. You literally breached his privacy in his own home but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to know if he feels the same way as you. You wanted to know everything now rather than later. You know you’d probably get rejected but you wanted to get it over with.

“I wanted you to kiss me.”

This made you gasp, eyes widening—you think they were about to come out of their sockets. Reid blushed some more with your shocked expression. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” he continued explaining, “so I pretended to be asleep but I wanted you to kiss me. I thought that you would kiss me but you didn’t. So, I waited.” He looked down at his lap and bit his lip.

With your initial shock wearing off, you practically looked like a wild animal pouncing on the bed. Reid yelped at how quick you moved from where you originally stayed put. Without further ado, you reached for him. Thumbs caressing his rosy cheeks, you stared at his hazel irises.

“Are you sure about this?” You asked gently, wanting to be sure that he wants this just as much as you do. Before you could say anything else, Reid pressed his lips against yours.

As soon as you felt his lips against yours, your eyes closed. His lips were warm and soft—a little chapped but you didn’t mind. It feels perfect against yours. You didn’t want this to end but you want to see him—feel more of him. So, you did. You buried one of your hands in his curls as you caressed his chiseled jaw. Warmth blossomed in your chest as you realized you were kissing the guy you’d been pining for years and he is kissing you back.

You could taste your shared breath and feel the flutter of his long lashes against your cheeks. He tilted his head slightly in the opposite direction and nudged his nose against yours as your lips parted slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue inside.

You wanted to open your eyes. You wanted to see the faint constellations on his face, admire the slight scrunch of his brows when he’s focused—you had a feeling after this kiss is over, being with him won’t be as easy as it was before. You would be ruined knowing what it was like to kiss him. But you were so tired of longing for him. And his mouth was the softest mouth you have ever kissed. And nobody has ever kissed you like this before—loving and warm.

You didn’t stop kissing Reid until you felt like you were running out of air from running. So, you held his shoulders and distanced your face from his. He tried chasing your lips but you dodged him. Instead, you looked down at your lap. You felt your tears and willed them to not fall. Not here, not now, not in front of him. You wouldn’t want him to pity you.

“Hey, Y/N,” Reid placed his warm hand against yours, “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” His thumb caressed your hand soothingly.

“That’s the thing, Reid,” you explained, looking up at him right now as he flinched, noting the tears glistening in your eyes, “Nothing’s wrong. The kiss was perfect. You’re perfect.” You could see his shoulders sagging in relief after what you said. “And because of that, I can’t just pretend that what happened was normal because it isn’t. I know it won’t happen again so I can’t get used to it. And you know I’m not the type to kiss someone unless they mean that much to me.”

You were about to explain some more when you felt Reid pull you. You gulped when you felt the tickle of his breath in the junction of your neck and shoulder. “I really like you, Y/N. If it isn’t obvious,” Reid muttered shyly, “I’ve liked you for quite some time now.”

“Oh.”

If this was difficult for you, it was difficult for Reid as well—if not more—to be vulnerable about his feelings. You knew about how difficult it was for him growing up, being the only twelve-year-old prodigy in a public high school. He’s been through so much with his dad leaving and having to take care of his mom. He’s never had a proper experience with just about everything from making friends, being a normal kid, and in this case, harboring romantic feelings for someone—you.

So, you did what you thought could convey that the feeling was mutual. You gently wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your face into his brown locks. He smelled of crisp pages of a book with a hint of pine. If you thought your favorite version of Reid was him rambling about facts and statistics, you’re probably going to give that version a run for his money. Because this version of Spencer Reid right here—the one who chose to be vulnerable, the one who chose to open up to you not knowing if the feeling was mutual—is probably your new favorite version of him.

“If it isn’t obvious to you, Dr. Reid,” you began, “I’ve liked you for quite some time now too.”

With that, you pulled him away from being tucked into your neck and kissed him again. You felt him grin widely, as you showered his pretty face with pecks, and you could not be happier. Before you could shower him with more kisses, Reid started spouting statistics about office romances.

“One in ten heterosexual couples in the United States meet at work.”

“Lucky for us,” you said as you tried to bury your nose in Reid’s neck, which made him giggle. "We are that one couple in the BAU. Now, shut up, so I can kiss you some more.”

This made Reid guffaw.

You couldn’t be happier waking up next to your coworker.

[natequarter]

💣 commiedyke Follow

i fucking hate clowns

#is it just me or are they creepy as hell #ace speaks

12 notes

👑 fred Follow

past me is a naive fool. future me is unbearably horny. alternate me is evil. and as for me well i am the world's first ethical dictator

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Why would you say something so controversial and yet so brave?

👑 fred Follow

you are literally the person this post is about

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Awww honey you're so cute when you're angry <3

#just shout if you want to hook up

79 notes

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

google where to find clowns

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

google top 10 most clown infested planets

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

google creepiest clown societies

🎻 the--adventurer8 Follow

have you tried arvania? lots of clowns this time of year!

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

thank you so much for this, google was getting me nowhere

#my fault I guess for using the worst search engine in the universe #we are going to have the BEST day trip out

887 notes

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

"You are running this planet into the ground" Rassilon forbid women do anything

🐧 coordinatorsupreme Follow

You are not a woman. Also, you keep on testing my loyalty with extremely dangerous missions? Please stop.

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

can confirm, romana sent me away """for my own safety""" into an active warzone

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

You're looking lovely today Leela

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

i am NOT TALKING to you

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

And yet here we are, gorgeous. Talking.

#they call me sweet and charming because I am sweet and charming #well charming at least

34 notes

🚬 fitz-crier Follow

need hhim to leasfe my corpse outt in the sun til my bonesd are glesming whyite theh cryshvthem snd snort them like cocacine

🎉 yourbutchgirlfriend Follow

i mean the doctor has crack cocaine. would it not be quicker to just do drugs

#what is going on here

1 note

💣 commiedyke Follow

i'm going to blow up everyone in this room and the myself

#WHAT PART OF I FUCKING HATE CLOWNS DOES THE PROFESSOR NOT GET #god. had the worst day today #you have no idea #ace speaks

56 notes

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

and i mean the worst part is she still does something to me

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Whenever you're ready, Leela ;)

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

p.s. i still haven't forgotten that you murdered my husband

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

That was literally the one time

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

yes!!! i know!!! that's the fucking problem!!!

#gah why must you be so dense

927 notes

👑 fred Follow

stay strong leela

#don't let her silver tongue trick you

45 notes

❄️ icemaiden Follow

Who is Leela

👑 fred Follow

uh. don't worry about it

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

DO worry about it. She's everything

👑 fred Follow

GO AWAY

#losing my mind here

81 notes

💣 commiedyke Follow

trampolines trampolines trampolines i hate them sooo much. bounce bounce motherfucker. it's so awful when i have to jump everywhere springy floors are the worsttt

#cosmo wanda the professor sees this post #i am so DONE #ace speaks

4 notes

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

google most fucked up trampolines within 5 miles of me

🎻 the--adventurer8 Follow

you know looking back on it i was in a weird headspace in those days. no self awareness. kinda terrible begaviour tbh

📺 compassion Follow

Are you kidding me.

#Some things never change I see

846 notes

🎼 the--adventurer6 Follow

Nothing like a refreshing pit of acid on my early morning stroll :) pushed a Cyberman into one today and listened to the screams! Great way to wake yourself up after less than 3 hours of sleep

🌈 ijustwanttobeabotanist Follow

?????

#doctor please say sike

99 notes

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Oh come on I cannot be the only one on this website into selfcest

#and also Leela #@ fred this one's for you

63,855 notes

❓ the--adventurer7 Follow

do not look at my search history please and thank you

🎸 the--adventurer12 Follow

too late

23,367 notes

[bookwyrminspiration]

if i may ask, who the fuck is fitz vacker?

This is a delightful ask to receive as someone known for being vocally unwell about and obsessed with Fitz

For those new/following for other things, a fair chunk of my blog is dedicated to the Keeper of the Lost Cities series by Shannon Messenger, a middle grade sparkly elf dystopia series that crawled into my head when I was 12 and still holds me hostage. I've literally been called a walking kotlc encyclopedia on multiple occasions

One of the main characters is Fitzroy Avery Vacker (official art linked), a teenage telepath from the secret elven world's most prominent (but not royal, that's not a thing) family. He's known for having teal eyes and the MCs undying ardor, which she conceals not at all.

He's the golden boy--top of his class, incredibly rare ability (the telepathy), charming, handsome, prestigious family, the works. But! He's also been sent on illegal missions to the human world by his father since childhood, looking for the MC.

Throughout the series he's drawn further into rebellion, following the MC as she uncovers the dirt under the shine of their "utopia." But even amongst friends, that Wonderboy status continues, creating this tension between the prestige he's been showered and burdened with his whole life and its slow unraveling. What worth does being golden have if the whole system's rigged? But how can he let go of all he's ever been?

And how the hell do you process that? He's got an incredibly strong sense of justice, values trust above all else--and his world and the people close to him are breaking it. How can he do anything but lash out, desperate to recenter himself?

To the point the Golden Boy, who bakes for his friends and has a sparkly red stuffed dragon he can't sleep without, nearly kills his traitorous brother with a knife to the throat. To the point when his traitorous brother is trapped behind glass, suffocating liquid pouring in from Fitz's frantic smashing at the control panel, Fitz deliberately steps away. Because he knows one of the buttons probably opens a drain, and he's choosing to let him die by his doing. Even though it wasn't on purpose. even though elves cannot abide violence, and risk shattering their sanity even witnessing it

GOD I love him. he's everything everyone else wants to be, he's deeply jealous and constantly fighting it, he's sweet and thoughtful, he's full of a rage so profound he can't think straight, he's putting his life on the line to better the world, he can't quite let go of what he thought it was, he's everything 2 me.

[darkchocolatedimples]

the tortured poets department (sponsored by my procrastination)

excuse my essays for each song the lyrics are so interesting to me so there’s like actual analyzation for each one.

fortnight - dex

that lingering resentment disguised by surface level friendship is that not literally him and sophie come on. “run into you sometimes, ask about the weather” the awkwardness!! “your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her” he was the #1 fitz hater for multiple reasons after all (although i think he was over it by the time keefe became prominent)

the tortured poets department - sophie

this is so keefe from her perspective come on “you’re in self sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down the road, but i’ve seen this episode and still love the show” “i chose this cyclone with you” “sometimes i wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me. but you told [biana] that you’d kill yourself if i ever leave. and i had said that to [dex] about you so i felt seen. everyone we know understands why we’re meant to be.” also let’s be so real keefes drawing journals + goodbye letters, he’s giving tortured poet

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - fitz

guys he’s just a silly little boy with anger issues, and he’s MY silly little boy with anger issues stop hating him 😞 “the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild” “he saw forever so he smashed it up” he may have fucked up but it happens!!

down bad - dex

CUZ FUCK IT HE WAS IN LOVE!!! also if i may present to you: “i might just die it would make no difference” in the context that outside of sophie saw no purpose to his own life. he saw himself just as he is presented in the books: as her best friend and nothing more. so in losing that (blaming himself and his own feelings for it) what was left of him? who was left? sophie was also his ONLY friend. not to mention in the context of the fact that when he WAS presumed dead nobody cared, they still cared more about sophie.

so long, london - keefe

no not bc of london actually but because “and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment” is actually a direct reference to keefitz’ friendship falling apart as fitz got angrier and keefe got more closed off. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?” “im just mad as hell cause i loved this place” me when everglen is no longer keefes safehaven. nor anyone’s for that matter bc its haunted by alvars betrayal and alden’s mind break and fitz’ anger.

but daddy i love him - biana

“i just learned these people only raise you to cage you” “i just learned these people try and save you…cause they hate you” “dutiful daughter all my plans were laid…growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.” i hate alden vacker. how do u manage to use and fuck up all ur kids by age 12 like wow. “i’ll tell you something about my good name: it’s mine alone to disgrace” she would 100% say this. she would also 100% say “im having his baby! no im not but you should see your faces.”

fresh out the slammer - keefe

sokeefe or keefitz take it as it comes. “in the shade of how he was feeling.” “as i said in my letters.” “my friends try, but i wouldn’t hear it…for just one glimpse of his smile” “swirled you into all of my poems” it’s so him it is truly.

florida!!! - keefe

THIS one’s about london! “well me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time! yes i’m haunted but im feeling just fine” ethan and eleanor wright who?? “your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in” candle shade/shores of solace type beat “i need to forget so take me to [london], i have some regrets i’ll bury them in [london]” “i don’t want to exist so take me to [london]” aw bae

guilty as sin? - dex

i don’t know how to explain but i just feel like this feeling of i shouldn’t be doing/feeling this the literal guilt and all these delusions and the sheer intensity of it all is just giving me dex. “this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry? i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks” “i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” this must be the way he loves if he thinks so little of himself and doesn’t let himself have good things. “i choose you and me religiously” because at the end of the day when he makes a decision or chooses something or someone he puts his all into it.

who’s afraid of little old me - sophie

“you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. you caged me then you called me crazy. i am what i am cuz you trained me.” all of it’s literally giving her growing into herself in stellarlune and making decisions on her own. SHE IS NOT A PAWN!!!

i can fix him (no really i can) - tam

idk its just giving him defending rayni with his life when everyone else including linh was like who tf is this girl.

loml - fitz

every sad pining song is fitz vacker to me. esp the refrences to the romance being dead but never buried... "still alive killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried...i'm your holy ghost" the way that sophie switched up on him in stellarlune (although i fully support her) didn't give him much time to recover. "are they second-hand embarrased that i can't get out of bed because something counterfiet's dead" give me heartbroken fitz!!! for once instead of angry fitz just give me tired, resigned fitz. "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unecessary, should've let it stayed buried" is such a good summary of sophitz imo.

i can do it with a broken heart - linh

linh is so interesting to me as a parallel of fitz: meaning she, just like him, is always angry. however she masks it in smiles and kindness the way he never learned to, he just lashes out. this song feels like it’s talking about that mask: “i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday everyday” “i can read your mind ‘she’s having the time of her life’ …i can show you lies” “cause im miserable and nobody even knows” “i can hold my breath, i’ve been doing it since [i] left”

the smallest man who ever lived - keefe

it’s giving a letter to cassius/gisela/alvar. “and i don’t even want you back, i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. and i don’t miss what we had” “did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?” “in 50 years will all this be declassified and you’ll confess why you did it, and i’ll say ‘good riddance’” “i would’ve died for your sins instead i just died inside. and you deserve prison but you won’t get time” “in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive.”

the alchemy - sophie

“cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?” aw sokeefe.

clara bow - biana

BIANA BEING COMPARED TO HER BROTHERS AND ALL THE VACKERS BEFORE THEM "the crown is stained but you're the real queen" "beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours, demanding more...its hell on earth to be heavenly" i love her.

the black dog - fitz

bring back petty fitz!! i think the young girl not knowing the starting line could parallel with keefe not being able to understand things about telepathy that really connected fitz and sophie. i also think we could shift the angle and make it about alvars betrayal and how it sparked his angry trauma response. “you said i needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until i believed it too.” “now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes…even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it.”

imgonnagetyouback - fitz

he is 100% this delusional. he's just like me. "you'll find that you were never not mine" "even if its handcuffed im leaving here with you." "told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison babe, i'm poison either way"

the albatross - keefe

“one bad seed kills the garden. one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen.” “the devil that you know looks now more like an angel. i’m the life you chose, and all this terrible danger.” HE IS THE ALBATROSS. i can’t wait for the movie i want edits of him to this. ACTUALLY I WANT A LOT OF THINGS maybe I’ll make a separate post about that.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - keefe

you saw it coming. this song SCREAMS KEEFITZ. like- “you said some things that i can’t unabsorb…you needed me but you needed drugs more.” “changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you.” “if you want to break my cold cold heart just say ‘i loved you the way that you were’” WHAT THE HECK DUDE IM SOBBING “back to the moment i crashed into you like so many wrecks do” that line solidified this as keefe’s pov for me. in conclusion. SOBBING.

how did it end - biana

i propose to you: not a relationship, but the vacker family falling apart and the way they became a huge subject of gossip in the lost cities. when alden’s mind broke, while fitz had turned to anger biana became depressed, and i think this song could relate to that as well. the whole part of “guess who we ran into at the shops” feels very much like conversations others would have about the vackers at the time and when alvar betrayed them. “soon they’ll go home to their [brothers], smug cause they know they can trust him.” and i think at the end of the day when all of it happened biana was just young and betrayed and lost, because she didn’t see it coming or understand why (who did?) “the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling” “i can’t pretend like i understand, how did it end?”

so high school - biana

HER VIBES ALL THE WAY she’s so cute and lovely and i want this for her (and dex. specifically dex. not anyone else.)

i hate here - sophie

was leaning dex until “you see i was a debutant in another life but now i seem to be scared of going outside” but the whole idea of escapism applies to both of them. especially to sophie though when she lived with humans and was so alone because even her own family couldn’t understand her, and she canonically is a bookworm and probably found more comfort in those other lives than she ever could in her own. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind...i read about it in a book when I was a precious child" "ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless"

thanK you aIMee - tam

aimee 🤝🏽 the song parents. “everyone knows that my [sister] is a saintly woman. but she used to say she wished that you were dead.” “but when i count the scars there’s a moment of truth: that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you.” thank you song parents 🫶🏽

i look in people’s windows - fitz

i thought this song sounded so creepy till I actually listened to it and now the idea of like lowkey stalking someone just to see if they still care about you or have moved on is slightly making sense. "does it feel alright to not know me? i'm addicted to the if only." it's giving keefitz (when isn't it?)

the prophecy - dex

"let it once be me, who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?" THIS JUST REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF THE BEGINNING OF STELLARLUNE WHEN HES LITERALLY MOURNING WHAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED TO HIS BROTHER YET i need more dex being the oldest sibling and shouldering that burden. the love-hate relationship with his siblings while simultaneously trying to make their quality of life so much better than what he had. also "a lesser woman would've lost hope, a greater woman wouldn't beg" is so him. he is so that middle.

cassandra - tam

"so they killed cassandra first cuz she feared the worst...do you believe me now?" "you can mark my words, i said it first. in a mourning warning, no one heard." tam when keefe joined the neverseen fr

peter - keefe

pls tell me you saw this one coming. "are you still a mindreader? a natural scene stealer, I've heard great things [fitz], but life was always easier on you than it was on me." "promises, oceans deep, but never to keep" "forgive me [fitz], my lost fearless leader...from when we were just kids. is it something I did?" i think I'm just in a constant state of mourning their friendship.

the bolter - keefe

obvious reasons but also "i can confirm she made a curious child, ever reviled by everyone but her own father." "hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping." "she's got the best stories, you can be sure, as she was leaving, it feels like freedom."

robin - dex

had to do some research for this one but apparently its talking about preserving a child's innocence! for this reason it reminds me again of dex and his siblings because of the way he really wants to protect them from things that haven't happened yet (especially considering rex being talentless). "way to go tiger" definitely sounds like something he would say to them feeling all sentimental but then, knowing siblings, they'd probably grill him about why he's being nice 💀

the manuscript -

we know the drill by now, fitz gets all the breakup songs because they could be about sophie OR keefe. "afterwords, she only ate kid's cereal, and slept in her mother's bed" while the song is discussing reverting back to childhood habits in vulnerability, fitz's vulnerability made him angry (but it was still a big change from his regular self) "looking back might be the only way to move forward" I hope he does get to move on!!! im tired of the love triangle plot if we're not gonna focus on keefitz' friendship 😭

[siennamakeschaos]

i'm a horrible writer but-

keefitz fanfic :)

i kind of hate it tbh but here it is :D (only chapter one, that's as far as i've gotten so far)

under the cuttt

TW: minor swearing <3

Fitz stared at the ceiling of his room, shifting slightly to get into a more comfortable position. He heard footsteps outside of his door and groaned. 

"Biana, I swear to the stars, if you're trying to steal more of my skin care products, I will put a lock on my door." He sat up, surprised to see it was not his beauty-product stealing sister, but instead a grinning Keefe. 

"You know, maybe I'll steal some of those skincare products, Fitzy..."

Fitz rolled his eyes at his best friend's comment, sitting up in his bed. "Hello you too, Keefe. Why are you here? I thought tou and Sophie were doing something..?" He asked, leaning back as he waved Keefe over.

"Oh, you know, just dropping in to make sure my bestie hasn't died on me." Keefe shrugged, falling back onto Fitz's bed. "You sounded pretty sick the other day, y'know."

Fitz remembered talking to Keefe the other day- the conversation... hadn't ended so pleasantly.

"So... Fitzy boy, what've you been up to that made you look like hell?"

"What!? I don't look like hell!"

"Deny it all you want- you've got  huge bags under your eyes and your voice sounds off. You pulled another all-nighter, didn't you?"

"Well, uh... not exactly..."

"What do you mean not exactly?"

"...two allnighters. I only slept for an hour the other day as well..."

"EXCUSE ME!? Fitzy, you HAVE to take better care of yourself! That's stupid- three days, only an hour of sleep."

"I know it's stupid, it's just...I haven't been able to sleep, okay? Can you just drop it?"

"No, no, no, I am NOT dropping this, Fitzy. You couldn't sleep, or wouldn't? Were you up all night thinking about a certain blonde somebody..?"

"What? No! That's- no- no!"

"Not convincing me there, Golden Boy."

"Oh, by all the stars, just drop it, Keefe!"

"You need to get more sleep!"

"You need to stop poking into my business!"

"It's my business if you're harming yourself by not getting enough sleep."

"Keefe- drop it!"

"No, Fitzy, you need more sleep, I'm not going to just drop it. You're going to burn yourself out."

"Shut up! SHUT. UP. I don't need you going on and on about how horrible my sleep schedule is, can you just let me handle things by myself for once!?"

"Fitzy-"

"No. Just...just go, Keefe. Please."

"Okay."

Fitz had been trying to put the memories of the conversation behind, but of course- being his stressed, emotional self- he couldn't. He groaned as he leaned back into his bed, glancing at Keefe. 

"I've gotten sleep since the other day, if that's what you're asking. Only four hours the other night, but last night I got six." Fitz finally said, although Keefe just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, wow, such an amazing sleep schedule!"

"Shut up." Fitz's voice was laced with mild amusement, however. He didn't have the energy to be irritated. "What did you really come here for, Keefe? I doubt you'd abandon your project with Sophie for nothing."

"You really underestimate me, Fitzy...it's disappointing, really!"

"Keefe!"

"Alright, alright." Keefe chuckled. "I came to give you something. Grizel was on edge today, though. She stole what I have for you and looked over it for a full five minutes before letting me in, y'know. I was scared she and Sandor had swapped places." He took an object out of his pocket, offering it to Fitz.

Fitz took a good look at the object, realising what it was. "I asked you if you could look for this...years ago..!" He gasped. It was a small glass locket, with a picture of him and Keefe with their arms around each other's shoulders inside. "I lost it when I was with you over two years ago...how the fuck did you find it!?" 

Keefe chuckled at Fitz's reactions. "There, there, language, Fitzy! I found this just the other day, remember when you made me promise if I found the locket, I'd bring it back to you? Wasn't gonna break that promise, was I?" He grinned. 

Fitz took the locket from Keefe, astonished. He couldn't believe Keefe had been able to find this, after the locket had been lost for two whole years. "I- this is- wow..."

He didn't know why he was reacting so strongly to this, it was just that... Fitz could remember clearly the day Keefe had given him this locket.

"Hey, Fitzy. It's been a whole year, y'know. A whole year since I found you sitting in the cafeteria all alone, trying to work on an assignment."

"I found YOU, remember? I don't know how you weren't caught holding a GULON of all things."

"Well, you know what happened after."

"Oh, I know all right. But what were you saying before?"

"Technically, it's our friendiversary. I think."

"Wait, it is?"

"So I got you a present!"

"It's...a locket. It's beautiful, Keefe!"

"Are you talking about me or the locket, Fitzy?"

"Can this be used to choke somebody?"

"You would never!"

"I have a feeling I just might."

"Aww, I thought I was your bestie, Fitzy! Anyways, where's YOUR gift?"

"Gift? I- uh-'

"Don't worry, Fitzy, I was-"

"Here! Flowers. I know you like daisies, here's a bunch of them!"

"...you just got those from the ground."

"No witnesses."

"Except me."

"You can't be your own witness! HAPPY FRIENDIVERSARY!"

The memory still made Fitz laugh when he thought about it. He and Keefe had been twelve, turning thirteen, then. They had been young and innocent.

"Thank you." Fitz shot Keefe a sincere smile. "I was so upset the day I lost this...my first friendiversary gift..."

Keefe chuckled. "Oh, you getting attached to a locket. Why am I not surprised?"

"Hey, I wasn't attached!" Fitz protested. "It had sentimental value!"

"Oh, yeah, because you were a lonely, sad child back then."

"I wasn't lonely! I had Biana, you know."

"Siblings don't count."

"Oh, come on."

This was how many conversations with Keefe seemed to go- tease, sarcasm, a light joke, an attempt to get Keefe to be serious.... but Fitz couldn't deny that he liked it.

"Sooo...." Keefe had a smirk on his face. This couldn't be good. "Those skincare products...didn't know you used those beauty products..." He grinned. "How often do you use these, dare I ask?"

Fitz groaned again. "You're the worst." He complained. "I- uh... I have a nightly routine.... and a morning routine."

Keefe burst into laughter. "Of course you do. Plus haircare, right? You are the craziest person I've ever met, Fitz Vacker."

Fitz rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, you spend half an hour on your hair each morning! You can't say anything."

Keefe placed a hand over his heart, feigning mock offence. "How dare you accuse me of such felonies, Fitzy!"

"Felonies indeed."

[fanficfanattic]

Will you share your Jamie Tartt playlist? 👀

Buckle up boys! Hold on to your butts! Other ways to say brace yourselves!

To Build a Home (feat. Patrick Watson) by The Cinematic Orchestra

I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young

Sorrow by Bad Religion

The Greatest by Sia

Love I'm Given by Ellie Goulding

Runaway by AURORA

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths

Move by Oliver Tree

High Hopes by Panic! At the Disco

Outrunning Karma by Alec Benjamin

Home by Cavetown

The Perfect Space by The Avett Brothers

A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Legend by The Score

The Competition by Kimya Dawson

In the Blood by John Mayer

Winner by Walgrove

Icarus by Bastille

Sympathy by The Goo Goo Dolls

Take Yours, I’ll Take Mine by Matthew Mole

People Help the People by Birdy

Daylight by David Kushner

Cough it Out by The Front Bottoms

Sober by P!nk

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

Tear It Up by Queen

Waves by Dean Lewis

Soldier by Ingrid Michaelson

We Don't Believe What's On TV by Twenty One Pilots

Blood In the Cut by K.Flay

Chameleon/Comedian by Kathleen Edwards

Water (feat. Rostam) by Ra Ra Riot

All is Soft Inside by AURORA

Pieces (feat. Noah Kahan) by Matoma

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + the Machine

Rise up With Fists!! by Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins

Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips

HandClap by Fitz and The Tantrums

Hi Ren by Ren

I Don't Belong In This Club by Why Don't We & Macklemore

Skinny Love by Birdy

Raising Hell (feat. Big Freedia) by Kesha

Go Places by The New Pornographers

The Night Starts Here by Stars

Ghost by Ella Henderson

Here We Go by WILD

If I Be Wrong by Wolf Larsen

Part of Me by Noah Kahan

We're Going to Be Friends

The White Stripes

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

Samson by Regina Spektor

Let's go to Hell by Tai Verdes

Raise Hell by Brandi Carlile

Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy

Don't Tell the Boys by Petey

Sober Up (feat. Rivers Cuomo) by AJR

O.N.E. By Yeasayer

Locked Up by Ingrid Michaelson

Like a Stone by Audioslave

Leave the Light On by Overcoats

Tough (feat. Noah Kahan) by Quinn XCII

touch tank by quinnie

Warrior by AURORA

Too Sweet by Hozier

I'Il Think of You by Kurt Hugo Schneider

Into the Ocean by Blue October

Star Fire by Sleeping Wolf

Happier (Stripped) by Marshmello & Bastille

Knievel by Tommy Lefroy

Walk Me Home by P!nk

Brat (Humor Me) by Deore

Am I Wrong by Love Spit Love

Someday by One Republic

7 Years by Lukas Graham

Stick Season by Noah Kahan

Like a Prayer by Madonna

Little Bit by Lykke Li

Bruises by Lewis Capaldi

Don't Carry It All by The Decemberists

Freaking Out by The Wrecks

Will Do by TV on the Radio

The Dirt by Tor Miller

Hope of Morning by Icon for Hire

Smile by Mikky Ekko

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by The Postal Service

Blood Brothers by Ingrid Michaelson

All My Friends by The Revivalists

Fuck Authority by Pennywise

Crazier Things by Chelsea Cutler & Noah Kahan

Kiss With a Fist by Florence + the Machine

Unstoppable by Sia

Can't Go to Hell by Sin Shake Sin

World's Smallest Violin by AJR

All I Know So Far by P!nk

Knocking at the Door by Arkells

Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

The Seed by AURORA

Wine, Women and Song by Harvey Danger

The Cult of Dionysus by The Orion Experience

All You Wanted by Michelle Branch

Young Blood by The Naked and Famous

Truth No. 2 by The Chicks

Homesick by Noah Kahan

Family Line by Conan Gray

The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

Heroes Never Die by NateWantsToBattle

My Number Tegan and Sara

Masterpiece by Big Thief

Til It Happens To You by Lady Gaga

I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Cups Version) by Kurt Hugo Schneider

Sit Down by James

Robots by Dan Mangan

Windowsill by Arcade Fire

Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson

Bite the Hand by boygenius

The Top (Bonus Track) by Primo the Alien

MEAN! (Remix) [feat. Noah Kahan] by Madeline The Person

Home We'll Go (Take My Hand) by Steve Aoki & Walk Off the Earth

From The Bottom Of My Heart by The Wallflowers

FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna and Kanye West and Paul McCartney

I Am the Resurrection by The Stone Roses

Chrome Plated Heart by Melissa Etheridge

Precious Love by James Morrison

Bones (feat. One Republic) by Galantis

Let's Go (feat. Icona Pop) by Tiesto

Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend

So What by P!nk

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by Scissor Sisters

Creature Fear by Bon Iver

Brother by The Rural Alberta Advantage

Save Me by Noah Kahan

High and Dry by Radiohead

Power by Little Mix

Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men

The Boy Does Nothing by Alesha Dixon

Set You Free (Edit) by N-Trance

Stronger by Britney Spears

First Things First by Neon Trees

Kings & Queens by Ava Max

Welcome Home, Son by Radical Face

Capsize by FRENSHIP & Emily Warren

We Were Kings by Ryan Star

Come Undone by Duran Duran

Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John

Pride by Noah Kahan & mxmtoon

Everywhere by Michelle Branch

Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk

Dust Bowl Dance by Mumford & Sons

Bad Blood by Bastille

Blue Monday by New Order

Make Believe by The FAIM

Midnight Show by The Killers

Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes

Ophelia by The Lumineers

Shaky Ground by Freedom Fry

Grounds for Divorce by Elbow

Heaven and Hell by Let's Play Dead

Survivor by The Score

Ready Now by dodie

Young Blood by Noah Kahan

Ain’t No Reason by Brett Dennen

King by Years & Years

Bulletproof by La Roux

Beating Heart Cadavers by Acollective

How to Rest by The Crane Wives

Santa Monica by Everclear

Beds Are Burning by Midnight Oil

Get Some by Lykke Li

Sky Full of Song by Florence + the Machine

Beautiful Trauma by P!nk

Parachute (Serban Ghenea Mix) by Ingrid Michaelson

Down to the Bottom by Dorothy

YES MOM by Tessa Violet

Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold

Rise Up by Andra Day

Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Hurt Somebody by Noah Kahan

[princesssarcastia]

so, what if, instead of writing what I was supposed to write, I wrote 2.2k more top gun fanfic instead? That would be fine, right? Right.

Here, have the first chapter of the story I promised in the end notes of my last top gun fic.

Rooster gets a phone call. Phoenix and Fritz spectate, speculate, and get their heads spun.

(now also on ao3)

——————

Fall 2008

They’re thirty minutes away from freedom when he gets the call.  Thirty minutes away from boarding.  He’s been looking forward to this vacation for months, it took so much fucking work to get his and Phoenix’s and Fritz’s leaves to line up like this, and now—

Now he’s going to be in a bad mood for the entire flight.

Bradley stares down at the little rectangle of light.  Rachel. 

Rachel is calling him.

Phoenix finally turns to him, shifting in the shitty little airport chairs.  “You gonna get that, or what?”

He doesn’t want to.  He doesn’t want to have a fight with his…with Rachel right before he gets on a plane.  Doesn’t want to have a fight with her in front of Phoenix and Frtiz, who have never heard her name before.  Doesn’t have the wherewithal to string together all the words and context it would take to explain Rachel, and why she’s calling, and why they’re fighting, and the horrible words that are about to come out of his mouth and out of his phone speaker.

But if Rachel is calling him, he needs to pick up.

Bradley flips it open on the last ring and puts it to his ear.

Static.  The line is open.  But no words.  Bradley wanted today to be a good day, wanted to continue his week-long-streak of not consciously thinking about them, so he’s feeling petty enough to make her talk first.

“Wrong number?”  Phoenix asks, and she’s close enough that Rachel definitely heard. 

Bradley sighs, closes his eyes.  Gives in.  “Hey.”

More silence, and he swears, he swears he’s going to hang up the damn phone and get on the damn plane—

“I really thought you were going to let it ring out, for a second.”  Rachel’s voice sounds strained, which, nothing new.  But it also sounds quiet.  She sounds quiet.

Rachel has never been quiet a day in her fucking life.

“Rachel, what’s going on?”

“Rachel?”  Fitz asks, amused, and he catches Phoenix’s elbow to his stomach for it, because it shakes Bradley out of the strangeness of the moment and his seat.  He gestures that he’ll just be a minute, ignoring Fitz’s pout and Phoenix’s smug curiosity. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—interrupt,” she says haltingly.  Almost polite. 

She’s never been polite to Bradley a day in her life, either.  Certainly not in recent memory.  “Yes, you did.  So, tell me, because I’ve only got thirty minutes here.”

“Oh.”  Even more silence.  “You’re.  Uh.  Going somewhere on your leave, then.”

“Yes, Rachel, I am entitled to….hang on.”  All it takes is the implication to ignite something in Bradley’s blood.  Something hot and choking.  “How the hell did you know I’m on leave?” 

“Mom told me.  She keeps track.”

“And how did Aunt Sarah know?”  Bradley grinds out. 

“Because she asked Dad to tell her when you were on leave.”

The duh in her voice is overpowering, and the hot feeling spreads to his eyes, his cheeks.  Bradley pulls the phone from his ear and presses it to his chest.  Closes his eyes.  Tries not to bite his own tongue off.  It’s an abuse of power, he’s not under Iceman’s purview right now, he’s nothing to them, they’re nothing to him, why can’t he just leave Bradley alone?  Can’t they give him that much?  Can’t they leave him alone?

His phone buzzes against his chest, sound reaching his bones even though it can’t reach his ears.

One breath.  Two breaths.  Deep, deep breaths, Bradshaw.

Rachel’s on the phone, and she’s quiet, and polite, and Bradley needs to know why.

“…please, I’m sorry, okay, but I need you to—” Bradley catches as he brings it back to his ear.

“Need me to what?  Why are you talking to me, Rach?”

“I need,” she breathes in so loudly Bradley can hear it, and he almost wants to smile.  Temper, temper, he wants to say, until he realizes its Aunt Sarah’s words trying to come out of his mouth, and they stall in his throat, another burn.   “help,” she finishes, and he almost misses it.

“Help.”

“Yes.”

“My help?  Rachel.”

“Yes, asshole, your help, you’re the one I’m calling.”

“Language,” he says automatically.  Turns back to Frtiz and Phoenix, both of whom are watching like he’s the most entertaining thing in the boarding area.  He meets her eyes and Phoenix starts to frown, starts to lean toward him, starts to mouth something that might be, ‘you okay?’ And he doesn’t want to answer her, so he turns away again.  “Listen, I don’t exactly have the experience to advise you on whatever college crisis you’re going through right now.  And I’m on the other side of the country,” he manages to bite off ‘as I’m sure your father’s apparently told you,’ “So why don’t you call your mom, who’s in the same city, and just—”

“Bradley!  I can’t.  I can’t call Mom, okay.”  Ah, now that’s more like it.  Shouting.

“Why not?”

Silence.  Again. 

Bradley sighs and rubs at his eyes so hard he sees stars.  “If you want my help, you’re going to have to give me a few more details, Rach.  Any details.  Any at all.”

“I need you to come to San Diego.  And.  And help me.  Here.”

“Come to San Diego?”  Bradley laughs out, incredulous.  “Not for all the fucking money in the world, Rach.  Not for god or money or, or a fucking promotion.  No.”

“Bradley, please.  I need—”

“Help, yes, you’ve said.  With what?  What can I help you with that Aunt Sarah can’t, that’s so important I have to fly across the country for?”  He’s getting mean, and he hates it.  Guilt starts curdling his stomach, because she’s just a kid, she doesn’t deserve his shit, but she won’t tell him what’s going on.

“This isn’t something I can tell you over the phone.”

“What, are they tapping your lines, now?  You gotta give me something.”

“It’s not over-the-phone news, Bradley, god, would you just—”

“No, I will not just, Rachel.  Tell me what’s going on, or so help me I will hang up the phone right now.”

“Bradley,”

“Rachel.”

“Bradley, just—”

“Rachel, just,” he fires back, mocking, and hates himself a little, but his flight is in twenty minutes and he wants this conversation to be over.  “I have to go, brat.  Call me back if you want to actually talk.”

“I’m pregnant!”

All the blood drops out of his face at once.  He staggers with the rush. 

“I’m pregnant, and I can’t tell Mom, I can’t, I can’t call Dad, I can’t call Uncle Maverick, Bradley, I can’t.  I won’t.  Please.  Please, will you just—”

“I’ll grab the next flight out.  Text you when I know my ETA,” he manages to say, and slaps his phone shut. 

Breathes.  Deep breath in.  Deep breath out.  Don’t pass out.  There’s a huge ellipse in his head, crowding out conscious thought, and for once it’s not because someone said Maverick’s name.

He needs to change his ticket.  He has to get to San Diego.

His feet carry him to the ticket counter on autopilot.

—

Rooster’s got a phone call, Phoenix wants to tease, sing-song, as Rooster walks away from them, because Rooster never gets phone calls.  This one must be something special.

He never brings girls to base or bars or hangouts, but he definitely shows up with hickeys sometimes, so she knows there are girls.  Theoretical girls.  This is an actual girl, actually calling Bradley, and Phoenix feels a little giddy at this snatch of new information.

She’d feel bad about that, except Fritz is just as enthralled sitting next to her.  Rooster’s just that close-lipped about his entire life before he joined the Navy, and his life outside it.  If she didn’t know it was impossible, Phoenix would have to assume he was born at age eighteen, in full uniform, ready to serve.

“What do you think?  Girlfriend?  Sister?”  Fritz asks, and Phoenix snorts.

“Oh, girlfriend, definitely.  If he had family, we’d know.”

“Not necessarily.  C’mon, it’s Rooster we’re talking about here, he could have ten sisters and not breathe a word of it until they were standing right in front of us.”

He’s not wrong, but she’s ready to fire back anyway, until Rooster turns back to them.

Wow.  Maybe it’s a break-up call, because he looks…

He looks….

His cheeks are flushed red, eyes glittering.  He looks dangerous.  He looks pissed-the-fuck-off. 

Seeing as he’s never looked so much a flustered, even when Hangman’s gunning for him hard as he can, Phoenix feels something lurch in her gut at the sight.  She leans forward, tries to catch his eyes, ask if he’s okay.

But he turns away.

“Shit, man,” Fritz breathes next to her. 

“Shit,” Phoenix agrees.

“Listen, you’re taking the middle seat, I am not sitting next to a pissed off Bradshaw for seven hours straight.”

“Hey, fuck you, that window seat is mine.  We already flipped for it.”

“Yeah, but he won’t get pissy at you.  He’d definitely get pissy at me.”

“Bradshaw’s never been pissy a day in his life, Fritz, keep it in your pants.  You’ll be fine.  Respect the sanctity of the coin flip,” she adds, final, when she can feel him gearing up for another whine.

Fritz grumbles, giving in because he knows what’s good for him, but Phoenix is glued to Rooster again, because he just tripped over nothing on the open floor.  “Maybe we should go check on him?”

“Oh, you want to go bother Mr. Professional about his personal life?  Your funeral.  I’m staying right here.”

Now he’s walking toward the ticket counter.  Checking their flight details again?  They’re all belt-and-suspenders types.  You can’t be any other way when you risk your life every day in a multi-billion-dollar deathtrap for the U.S. Government.  But Rooster is outright anal retentive at times, like he knows the story behind every rule and knows its written in blood.

On anyone else she’s call it anxiety, but Rooster’s not anxious.  He’s just…Rooster.

Calm.  Collected.  Delightfully mean, when you catch him on the right day, in a way that makes Phoenix wonder sometimes whether he really does have sisters.  But she always tucks the idea away without asking.  Her own sisters are written into her DNA.  She can’t imagine what would have to happen to them for Phoenix to keep them a secret, even from herself.

Fritz is starting to wax poetic about their destination again, and Phoenix turns to listen, because that’s more interesting than feeling vaguely sad about Rooster’s empty life. 

She gets so engrossed in the promise of great weather and warm beaches, so close now she can almost smell it, that Rooster manages to startle her when he hustles back to them.

“Hey, guys, change of plans.  You’ll have to go without me, sorry.”  He’s digging into this carry-on and pulling out the printed itinerary and hotel information before either of them can blink.  “Here’s the local map, and the rental, and here’s the stuff for the hotel.  Should be under your name, Fritz.”  He’s swinging the now-closed back up on his shoulder and turning back around before she or Fritz can even breathe in his direction.

“What?”  Phoenix manages to get out, yelp, really, at his retreating figure, before Rooster stops dead and turns back around.

“Yeah, hang on a minute, man, what the fuck?”  Fritz calls.

“My bag’s already checked for this flight, can you guys grab it when you get there, and bring it back?  I’m good for it, I promise.”

“I—yeah, Bradshaw, I can grab your damn bag, but what’s going on?  Where are you going?”

“Who was that on the phone?”  Fritz adds, and Phoenix doesn’t even elbow him this time.

“Sorry.  I’m sorry about this,” Rooster says, intent on them all of a sudden.  “Just—emergency.  I have to go.”

He doesn’t just turn on his heel and sprint this time, and Phoenix stares up at him, still…kind of flabbergasted.  “Where are you going?”  She asks again, faintly.

A beat.  Phoenix almost wants to take it back, the way she always does when someone asks Rooster a question he doesn’t want to answer.  But this is—absurd.  This is absurd!  They’ve been planning this vacation for months.  The sudden prospect of doing it without him sort of hollows her out.

“San Diego,” Rooster says, finally, and nothing else.  But he’s still standing there. 

“It’s alright, man,” Fritz says, gently, and Bradley nods at him, but he still doesn’t move. 

Phoenix works her mouth a bit, wondering, until she realizes.  He’s waiting for permission.  Her permission.  “Go on,” she sighs, feeling soft in a way she tries so hard not to be, around him.  “I’m sure you have a plane to catch,” she adds, and tries to give him a smile.  Only sort of succeeds.

He doesn’t smile back, just nods, and Phoenix does her best to keep it from cutting at her, watching him walk away.

“Text us when you get there!”  Fritz calls after him, and Phoenix shakes off the hurt feelings.

“And when you’re on your way back!”  She adds, and they get a wave in response.

And then nothing.  Rooster disappears into the crowds, the stack of papers on the seat next to her the only sign he was ever here at all.

“Christ.  Must be some emergency,” Fritz says. 

“Yeah, must be,” Phoenix gets out, but refuses to start speculating again.  When they finally land, she'll manage gratitude for Fritz, who doesn’t call her on the fact that she mopes all through boarding, and the first half of their flight.

For now, though, she wallows in the sulk.

[bad268]

Can I request some fluff with SwaggerSouls? There's a severe lack of content for the man and damn I'm sad about that.

To the Kitchen! (SwaggerSouls X Reader)

Fandom: RPF

Requested: Clearly (I was gonna post this for 420 followers, but I went through and blocked bots...Then the peach said post it Wednesday, so we post it Wednesday!)

Warnings:  language (everything I write should be automatic tw language), drugs (marijuana)

Pronouns: None used

W.C. 1906

Summary:  Fitz gets a new neighbor who is great at baking cookies, and some special sweets.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^@/Swagger's YouTube profile pic)

I had been living in (hometown) for my whole life, but a spur of the moment decision led to me packing up everything to move to Melbourne. Maybe it was not my best decision since I knew no one, but I could not turn back now.

I found a small apartment in the middle of the city. It was the only one available in the area that I could afford, but it was cute. It was my first day, so I thought the best thing would be to introduce myself to my neighbor. I was on the end of the floor, so I only had one neighbor. I remembered that the best way to make friends was to make food, and I happen to know how to make some of the best cookies anyone's ever had.

I made a small batch to bring over to them since I did not know how many lived there, and if they needed more, I could always bring them more. I set them all on a paper plate and took them over to their door. When I knocked on the door, it sounded like five guys cheered, and my eyes widened. There was no way five people would fit in an apartment as small as mine, but I'm not judging.

After a couple of seconds, one of them opened the door, and he immediately closed the door shouting, "you're not pizza!" I heard a couple of them groan in response.

"But I have cookies?" I replied back, confused. Suddenly, the door opened again. This time, it was a taller guy. "I wanted to introduce myself and bring cookies, but I can leave-"

"No, we like cookies," He cut me off. He gestured for me to come in, and I saw four more guys and a girl. I stayed out in the hall, so he just introduced himself. "I'm Cam, but my friends call me Fitz."

"Interesting, I'm your new neighbor, Y/N. I used to bake a lot back home, so I thought I would make you some cookies, but I realize there might not be enough for everybody," I laughed holding the cookies out for him. He took the plate, and thanked me before I took my leave. "I hope you guys like the cookies. I'm going to head back to my place, but if you want more, just let me know."

"Of course, it was nice to meet you, Y/N," He said, closing the door. I headed back to my apartment, fully ready to chill for the night. I was ready for a night of getting high and binging my favorite show until the early hours of the morning. Maybe I would end up making some special desserts.

~

Unbeknownst to you, the guys were skeptical. In Fitz's apartment, they were debating if you actually made those cookies. Mason was convinced they were store-bought based on how they looked, but once he tasted them, he was in awe. He was sure a professional baker made those cookies, and he really did not believe you made them. Matt and Toby thought he was crazy, but once they tried the cookies, they were on the same page as Mason.

They broke out into a full debate, and it still wasn't solved when Swagger showed up with the pizza. No one even noticed him walk through the door until he slammed it shut.

"What the hell?" He yelled, setting the pizzas on the counter. "Ooo who bought cookies?"

"Try one," Jay enlarged, passing the plate closer to Swagger.

"Are they poisonous or what?" He asked with a laugh before taking the last one and eating it. "Holy shit, who fucking made those?"

"My new neighbor, what do you-" Fitz started asking, but Swagger was already gone. He was already in the hallway, walking up to your door. Everyone held back for a minute to see what he was going to do. He just started banging on your door. It was so loud, they thought the entire floor would wake up. "Swagger, shut up! You're gonna get me kicked out!"

~

It took me a few minutes to realize that the loud knocking was at my door. I thought it was coming from the show, but I also could not find it in me to get up from my spot on the floor. I fell off my couch a while ago and could not figure out how to coordinate my limbs enough to stand, so I just shouted, "It's open!"

The door swung open, and in walked a man, shaking something in his hand. He was talking too fast for me to comprehend what he was saying. He was walking around the couch, still speed-talking about something important, but I cut him off, "You're gonna have to talk a lot slower if you want me to understand."

It was then, he looked down, and he must have seen the look on my face looking back at him from the ground because he hesitated before asking, "Are you okay?"

"Just high, but what'd you want?" I responded slowly.

"I need to know where you got these cookies, and where you got your weed cuz holy shit, you are fucked," he laughed.

"Thanks, I made them, and the weed I brought with me from (hometown)," I replied as he came over and laid next to me on the ground. "What're you doing?"

"Getting in the mindset of someone who knows how to bake the best cookies I've ever had," He laughed as he finished off the cookie. "Also, I ate an edible earlier, and it's just now kicking in."

I let out a gasp and turned onto my side to look at him before asking, "Do you wanna make high cookies? I brought a lot of shit from home, and I used to always make high cookies."

"Is it just making cookies while high or weed cookies?" He asked as he also turned to his side, looking directly into my eyes.

"Weed cookies, obviously," I stated with an eye roll. "What do you think I am? An amateur?"

"No, but we better get started before we're in the stratosphere," He laughed, moving to sit up, and then stand. He held his arm out to pull me up, but instead of heading straight to the kitchen, I took a couple of more rips from my bong before offering it to...wait. Who was in my apartment?

"Wait a minute," I said, pulling the bong back. I started laughing uncontrollably, "Who are you?"

"Oh shit, I'm Fitz's friend, Swagger," He laughed before reaching for the bong. This time, I let him take it, thinking his story checked out.

"Alright, as long as you aren't tryna kill me, we'll be good. Now, to the kitchen!"

~~

"What did I say about starting fights you can't finish?" Swagger threatened after I threw a little bit of flour at him at 2:30 AM one night.

"Who said I can't finish this?" I replied, holding the flour container closer to my body. "I think I'm the only one with ammunition."

"You think flour is the only ammo? I have the batter!" He retorted.

"You wouldn't dare waste the precious batter," I gasped in shock.

"Don't tempt me. I will," He joked as he smeared a little bit of the batter on my nose. I gasped, moving to grab more flour.

"Why you little shit-" I was just about to throw the flow when I paused, hearing someone walk into the kitchen. This gave Swagger enough time to fling some batter at me from the whisk, but I reached over and snatched it out of his hand before he could do it again.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Matt asked as he came into the warzone of a kitchen.

"We're studying to become dentists," I deadpanned as I licked the batter off my nose and Swagger poured the remaining brownie batter into a pan as if nothing happened. "What does it look like we're doing?"

"Making brownies at 2:30 in the morning? But why? We literally have to get up at 6, and you guys are being loud," Matt said. "Do I look like I'm gonna be sober during this 10-hour road trip with you lot? No. I am gonna be higher than a motherfuckin' kite, Matt. If you want one, you better start helping," I explained as I leaned on the counter and licked the batter off the whisk.

"There's no way you'd eat the whole pan," Matt laughed. "Surely, I could have one."

"Hey, I get some!" Swagger complained as he put the brownies in the oven, set the timer, and wiped his hands off with a towel. He came up behind me, hiding his face in my neck. "I helped, so I get some."

"You always get some, baby," I laughed. Matt gagged, jokingly, as he watched our interaction. I spun around in Swagger's arms, whispering to him, "I wanna sleep. What if we make him clean up?" Swagger nodded, leaning into me more. I threw my head back to look at Matt, "If you want some brownies before we leave, start cleaning, and take them out in 22 minutes."

With that, we left him alone in the kitchen as we headed up to our room. Once we got there, we were ready to collapse into bed after showering and changing.

"It is already 4 Swags," I groaned as he came out of the bathroom. He climbed under the covers on his side of the bed and pulled me into his side. I buried my face into his chest as I wined, "I don't want to have to wake up in 2 hours."

He laughed at my childish behavior before kissing the top of my head, "We could watch a movie, and catch some sleep in the van?" "Sleep? In the same car as Mason and Chad? I don't think we're talking about the same car, babe," I chuckled as I pulled back enough to look up at him. "Trust me, I love them, but they are loud as fuck."

"Ah, but you love me more right?" He teased me.

"Only a little bit," I joked back. He let out an offended gasp as he started pushing me away. I laughed at his antics before retracting my statement, "No, I'm kidding babe. If I didn't love you, would I have said, 'I do'?"

"I guess you're forgiven," He sighed as he turned the lights off. His arm was still loosely wrapped around my shoulder but not nearly as tight as it normally is, so I pulled back, pouting at him. He started laughing as he pulled me back down, "I love you too, now go to sleep."

It was silent for a couple of minutes, and I was just about to fall asleep. However, the creak of our bedroom door caused us to shoot up to see Matt, "Pst, guys. Sorry, but I burnt the brownies."

"Goddammit, Matt!" I groaned, throwing my head back into the pillows. "Are you kidding me?"

"It's 4:20, we could make another batch before 6," Swagger suggested as he looked over at his phone.

"Oh, it's 4:20! We have to go make a batch now because it's 4:20!" I replied, suddenly full of energy, as I jumped out of bed, and pulled Swagger back down to the kitchen.

~~~~~

© BAD268 2023. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[noforkingclue]

Love to Hate and Hate to Love, Chapter 2 (River Cartwright x OC)

Slow Horses tag list: @cillmequick

Olivia checked her watch and grimaced when she saw the time. River was late but to be honest, she thought he might be. After all, their first meeting hadn’t exactly been smooth. Still, Olivia took another sip of her coffee, she had thought that Cartwright would want to make a good impression especially as the Slow Horses would be working with The Park. She jumped slightly when she heard her work phone ring. She looked at the unknown number as her phone continued to ring debating whether or not to pick it up.

“Hello?” she asked when she finally picked it up, curiosity getting the better of her.

“What took you so long to answer.”

She sighed when she heard it was Cartwright. Not totally unexpected but still.

“Unknown number,” Olivia said, “you could’ve been a cold caller.”

“On a work phone? How fucking likely is that?”

“You never know. How did you get this number anyway? Ooh wait let me guess,” she rolled her eyes, “Roddy fucking Ho?”

“Don’t let him know you know who he is. His head is too fucking big already.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. From what I hear about him I have zero desire to ever meet him. Anyway, where are you?” she asked, “Not that I don’t enjoy being away from The Park but I’d rather not spend any more time talking to you then is necessary.”

“Because I’m a Slow Horse.”

“No, because I hate you.”

Olivia heard River sigh down the other end of the phone.

“So, where are you?” Snapped river

Olivia took a deep breath and counted to five before letting it out slowly. She was trying not to let Cartwright piss her off too much but his tone wasn’t helping. Of course Fitz had to send her to deal with him. She knew she should’ve checked the milk this morning to see if it was off when she was making the tea.

“Cafe near Farringdon station,” she said, “inside booth in the corner. We shouldn’t be bothered too much.”

“And how will I know it’s you?”

“Fucking hell Cartwright, you forgot what I look like already?”

“Well you are pretty forgettable. What are you wearing?”

“I don’t think we’re close enough for this kind of conversation.”

“Moher…”

“Fine. Jeans, converse and a blue tee and a white shirt. Or is it a white tee and a blue shirt? I think I might be a bit colour blind. Tell you what, when you finally fucking get here you can tell me.”

Olivia hung up the phone before Cartwright could argue back. She saved his number down as ‘Cuntwright’ and settled back in the booth, pleased to get one over on him. She took a bite out of her almond croissant as she waited for him to come in. It didn’t take very long, the sound of the cafe door slamming open told her that he had arrived. He stormed over to her and glared down at her.

“Very fucking funny,” he said as he sat down opposite her, “you’re not wearing blue or white.”

“My jeans are blue.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah,” Olivia shrugged, “still good to know that you’re not colour blind but bad to know that maybe you’re just deaf.”

“I-” River cut himself off, “whatever. Let’s just get this over with. We -what are you eating?”

“Almond croissant. Why, you’re not allergic to nuts are you?”

“No.”

“Shame. If you were, it would've meant you staying away from me or maybe going into anaphylactic shock.”

River’s jaw clenched and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t particularly like me.” he said

“You don’t say.”

“And I don’t particularly like you.”

“I don’t really care.”

“I just want to know,” he clenched and unclenched his fist, “why?”

“Why what?”

“What did I do?”

“You crashed Stansted.”

“That was a training exercise.”

Olivia just raised her eyebrows.

“‘Course it was,” she muttered, “I saw the video, remember?”

“So are you going to tell me why you’ve taken against me?”

“If you’re as clever as you say you are, you should’ve worked it out from last time.”

“Well I’m sorry. Not all of us have maths degrees from Oxford.”

“Ho again?”

“He looked up your records.”

“He did that for you? From what I heard about the infamous Roderick Ho, that doesn’t seem like something he’d do willingly.”

“Maybe we’re just curious about who we’re working with.”

“Shame it doesn’t go both ways.”

Olivia took another sip of her coffee, never breaking eye contact with Cartwright. He just sighed and folded his arms.

“And from what I know about Jackson Lamb,” Olivia said at last, “he doesn’t seem like that type of person who would…”

She trailed off as she tried to find the right words.

“Delegate,” she said eventually, “Such things willingly.”

“Yeah well,” River looked out of the window, “he said that he saw how well we were getting on last time and thought I would like this.”

“So it looks like we’re both being punished.”

“What did you do?”

“None of your fucking business,” Olivia said, her cheeks red, “let’s just get this over with.”

“Fine. Just let me grab a coffee first.”

“And you can get me one.”

“You can get yourself another one.”

“You were late. The least you can do is get me a coffee.”

“This isn’t a date.”

“I wouldn’t rather chew off my own tongue then go on a date with you, Cuntwright.”

River just rolled his eyes and went to grab a drink. To Olivia’s surprise he did actually get her a coffee. She took a sip and relaxed back in her seat, giving him a smug look.

“Don’t fucking say anything,” River muttered, “the person at the counter gave me a dirty look for not getting you one. I suppose this is as good a cover as any.”

“So,” Olivia said eventually, “what exactly are we doing? Besides from not killing each other.”

“Having coffee.”

“Scrap that last statement.”

Olivia kicked River under the table. The sharp kick to the ankle caught him by surprise and he spilt hot coffee on his hands. A string of swear words followed and Olivia raised her eyebrows at him.

“So are you going to tell me why I’m here or are you going to have to go back to Lamb empty handed.” she said

“Fine,” River took a deep breath, “Ian Peterson.”

“Who?”

River blinked at Olivia and gave her a look of disbelief.

“You’re fucking me,” he said, “you don’t know who Ian Peterson is?”

“Can’t say that I do.”

“How long have you been working for The Service?”

“About six months.”

“Six…” River put his cup down and put his head in his hands, “I’m working with an amateur.”

“Oh that rich coming from you!”

“I-” River took a deep breath and lowered his voice, “He was a cold War defector.”

“And how do you know him?”

“Of him. My,” he coughed and looked out of the window, “grandfather told me stories.”

“Well sorry I didn’t have a grandfather who was able to amaze me with bedtime stories about the Cold War.”

“Apparently, after all these years, he’s back in London.”

“Why bother coming back after all this time?”

“With everything that’s going on can you blame him?”

Olivia shrugged.

“So why Lamb give a fuck? Thought he’d just dump this on Lady Di and make it her problem.”

“From what I’m understanding both Lamb and your precious Fitz knew Peterson before his defection.”

“So this is just another form of petty revenge?”

“This is Jackson Lamb we’re talking about. All forms of revenge are petty when it involves him.”

“And Lady Di agreed to this?”

“I thought you’d know just how short staffed things are at The Park.”

“I’m surprised you do.”

“You can always tell with the amount we’re given to do.”

Olivia finished her coffee and leant forward, resting her chin on her hands. She glanced out of the window and watched people pass by. Ordinary people with problems and jobs that wouldn’t cause collapse of governments or old secrets being brought up from the grave. If only they really knew what she and River were discussing.

“Hey, are you listening to me?”

“Hmm?” Olivia glanced over at River, “no.”

“Look, this is important so try to fucking listen, ok?”

“Wow, a Slow Horse giving me orders.”

“And if you fuck this up you’ll be joining us.”

“I didn’t know you cared about my career.”

“I just don’t want to have to spend most of my week with you.”

“Glad to know we finally agree about something. So why the fuck-”

Olivia was interrupted by her work phone pinging. She grimaced at the message and said,

“We should continue this another time.”

“Something more important than this?” snapped River

“Fitz is wanting me back. I have another meeting with him. Maybe if someone wasn’t late in the first place we wouldn’t have to meet again.”  

“And why has the mighty Fitz called you back?”

“Six month probation meeting.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“No. So, because I have to fucking ask this, when shall we meet again.”

At that moment the door to the cafe opened and a family walked in. Both you and River glanced over at them and River lowered his voice and said,

“Maybe meeting in public wasn’t such a good idea.”

“Hindsight is one hundred percent accurate. So, where do you have in mind.”

And from River’s smirk Olivia knew that she was going to fucking hate his suggestion and not just because River Cartwright suggested it.

*

“So,” asked Kara, “how was your date?”

“Wasn’t a fucking date.” said Olivia which just caused her team mates to go ‘ooh’ and Olivia to go bright red.

“Hopefully it was a productive meeting,” said Warren, “what did Cartwright tell you.”

“Well,” Olivia relaxed back in her chair, “he said that an old defector was apparently back in London.”

“All defectors will be old,” said Laura, “that Cold War ended fucking years ago.”

“And is this what got everyone so jumpy,” asked Warren, “Who is it?” he asked when Olivia nodded

“Ian Peterson.”

The four of them jumped at the sudden crash. Fitz had dropped a mug and stood rooted to the spot. His muscles were tense and he clenched his hands tightly.

“Are you sure?” Fitz asked

“Yeah.” said Olivia

“You couldn’t have misheard him?”

“I’m not the one dumped in Slough House for mishearing things,” she muttered, “but no, definitely Ian Peterson. Cuntwright also mentioned that you and Lamb knew him.”

“Yes well,” Fitz ran a hand over his face, “it was a long time ago.”

“And how did-” asked Kara

“Maybe you four should leave,” said Fitz, “it’s past five o’clock. I’m sure you all have families and friends to go and see. It’s Friday so go out and have fun.”

When none of his team move Fitz turned around sharply and barked,

“Go!”

Immediately everyone scattered and when he was alone he slumped into his chair. Fuck. He shouldn’t have spoken to them like that. Now they’ll know that something is up. Damn it, he’d have to make it up to them somehow. He’d finally got a team he was happy with and now he was fucking it up all over again. He reached across his desk and flicked on the lamp. The sun was beginning to set, a rather beautiful view across Regents Park. It was one he’d seen a thousand times before but he was always grateful to be able to see. He was one of the lucky ones that got to see a sunset and he’d never take that fact for granted.

“Max.”

He glanced over at the door and raised an eyebrow. There was only one person who ever called him Max.

“Diana,” he said cooly, “what do I owe this pleasure.”

Taverner didn’t reply as she shut the door and walked across to the window. It seemed like she was just admiring the view that Fitz was appreciating moments before.

“I just came to check how you were doing.”

“Bullshit.”

She glanced over and gave him a cold smile. She sat down in the chair opposite and crossed one leg over the other. Steepling her fingers she said,

“I assume you’ve heard the news.”

“Yes.”

“Peterson.”

“Correct.”

“I was under the impression that he was dealt with.”

“He was.”

“Then why is he back.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmm.”

“And does Dame Ingred know?”

“Max,” Diana gave him a disapproving look, “she is First Desk. Of course she’s aware. Are you implying that I would withhold vital information from her?”

Fitz glared at Diana who was looking out of the window, seemingly lost in thought. However, Fitz knew better.

“You were close with Peterson at one point.” she said at last

“We worked together back in The Dark Ages,” he said, “we had to be.”

“And did you suspect him to be a traitor?”

“You don’t go around accusing people you’re relying on of betraying you.”

“And what are you going to do this time?”

“The exact same thing Jackson and I did last time. Only this time, I’m not going to leave any loose ends.”

[ladytauria]

JAYCEST UNTITLED 👀👀👀👀

i started writing this one after talking to @this-was-a-terrible-idea <3 who also sent me a perfect prompt for it xD

fem!jason is stuck in canon!universe and spends like,,, a week with jason before she's like: is anyone going to fix this? no? okay

and by fix this she means fuck him <3 to teach him about self-care, obviously

i've shared some snippets of this before--it used to have a title but then certain plans changed and i've decided to keep that title in my back pocket

past snippets: the very beginning | random snippet 1 | random snippet 2

have a longer version of that first snippet!

“You know, I’m pretty sure I told you to rest,” Jacie says as she clambers out of the window. One day she’ll figure out how Richelle manages to look graceful doing it, because she sure as hell doesn’t. Jason spares her only a brief glance before he takes another drag from his cigarette. “I didn’t ask you to mother me,” he growls. He’s leaning against the railing of the fire escape, dressed in a sweatshirt that’s seen better days and sweatpants tucked into his Docs. Jay rolls her eyes. “Stop needing mothering, then,” she says, matching his rough drawl. She plucks the cigarette from between his fingers and raises it to her own lips, ignoring the way he splutters. Her male counterpart reminds her of Fitz, her pit bull rescue. Sweetest little lamb now, but when she first brought him home? All snarls, biting the hand that fed him before it could hit him first. Jason is the same way. Loud and brash, bristling at any perceived insult. His uniform design only makes the image stronger; a face mask like a muzzle over his mouth, the red lenses of his domino glinting in the dark like some feral creature’s eyes… It’s an angry kind of pain that makes her fingers itch with the desire to stroke his hair the way she’d stroked Fitz’s fur, and tell him everything would be alright. She’s here now. She’ll keep him safe. …fuck. She really is mothering him, isn’t she? Jay takes a drag off of her bummed cigarette, feeling the smoke fill her lungs before she exhales, letting the cloud join Gotham’s ever-present smog. “I don’t need mothering,” Jason grumbles, crossing his arms. “I’m fine.” He wasn’t. Jay’s been in his shoes before. She remembers what it was like, to be a revenant instead of a person. Fitz had been what changed that; the reason she started to carve herself a new life, one slow step at a time. Now she has a dog, and a window garden, and an almost-girlfriend. A place to come back to, when the violence was done. Jason doesn’t have that. He hasn’t found his reason yet. According to Constantine and his counterpart in her universe, it’ll be at least another two weeks before they have a workable way to send her home. Until then, Jason and she have to stay close. Constantine fixed it so that they would work as each other’s ‘anchor,’ keeping them—and their dimensions—stabilized. For now. That means she has plenty of time to, perhaps, nudge him in the right direction. She takes a second drag off of the cigarette, and then offers it back to him. He’s still scowling at her when he plucks it from her fingers, raising it to his mouth to take a drag of his own.

there was a line that got caught about how jay was positive that the two constantines were fucking & i still stand by that

also fun facts: fitz is named after fitzwilliam darcy bc i love the name darcy but also i thought jacie might want a slightly subtler reference... and then i was like: a pit bull mix named fitz? adorable

so. xD here we are

[ wip ask game ]

[kale-of-the-forbidden-cities]

the idea that fitz is slowly being killed by the remains of the echoes in his heart (a fanfic this time)

yayyy death and angst :D

I'm not sure what else to say other than, i didn't mean for it to go this dark

that being said, TW for death, blood, a lil bit of gore, implications of s/h, suicide thoughts, etc. read at your own risk :)

friend @fitz-avery-vacker (tagging you ooc lol)

It didn't make sense. 

Fitz had thought he was safe from the shadows buried in his chest. They were supposed to be long gone. 

But Flori had never said that her songs would make the echoes go away. She had said it would just quiet them. 

So maybe it did make sense that Fitz was curled up on the floor of his room, barely able to move, let alone breathe, because of the painful pressure pulsing in his chest. 

Breathe, he told himself. In, out. In, out. You can't let anyone see you like this. 

Once it had passed, and he could breathe again, Fitz stood up, using his desk chair for support. Something in his peripheral vision caught his eye and he whirled around to see…

Nothing. There was nothing there. 

Hesitantly, Fitz sat down, picked up his pen, and forced himself to relax. 

It was probably nothing. 

-x-

About a week later, Fitz had forgotten about the entire thing. It was in the evening, and he was doing his usual weapon-sharpening for Grizel. His mind was elsewhere, and he wasn't really paying attention to—

"OW!" 

He muttered a few words his parents would not be proud of as he quickly fumbled to grab a clean cloth to put pressure on the stinging cut on his palm. "Idiot," he mumbled to himself. "Fucking idiot." 

He examined the wound. It wasn't too deep, so hopefully it wouldn't scar. Fitz wrapped the cloth around his hand and went to the bathroom to get a bandage. He was no physician, but he wasn't going to hail one for such a small, embarrassing mishap. 

Fitz washed his hands and bandaged the cut. It was then that he noticed the stain on the cloth. Red from the blood, but also, oddly, a few splotches of black. 

Was that normal? 

What did that mean? 

"Everything okay?" Biana asked, appearing in the doorway. 

Fitz quickly folded the cloth. "Yeah, I just… I cut myself while sharpening a throwing star." He held up his bandaged hand. 

"Oh. Shit." 

"It's not too bad, Bi," he assured her. 

"Then why do you look so scared?" 

"Scared?" he repeated. He was a little bit scared, but he didn't think it'd be showing. "I'm not really scared. Maybe I'm just tired." He added a laugh to convince her. And it seemed to do the trick. 

"Go to bed early, then," she told him. "Night!" She walked away, flickering as she did. 

-x- 

So maybe something was wrong. 

Fitz could maybe admit that to himself. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps. 

Because the world was very dim. Like there was a shadow cast over it. His echo had affected him twice in the past week— both while he was alone— and now he stared at himself in the mirror, but it wasn't himself. 

He had to be dreaming. 

Those cobalt blue eyes did not belong to him. 

Alvar's face was hollow and haunted, but it was there. And when Fitz turned his head, so did Alvar. When he stumbled back in disbelief, his brother did the same. 

He hadn't realized how similar they looked. It chilled him to the bone. 

Fitz slid to the ground and pressed a hand over his mouth to stifle a scream. He couldn't see the mirror anymore. He had to get out of this nightmare. The echoes were pressing on his pounding heart— harder than ever. He dug his fingernails into his arms, telling himself to wake up. 

Wake up. 

Wake

Up. 

And he did. 

The world turned bright again, and there he was, on the bathroom floor, breathing heavily. 

"Fitz, hurry up! You're gonna make us late!" 

He scrambled to his feet and looked in the mirror. 

The eyes that met his were his own. 

He pressed a hand to his chest. 

What the hell just happened? 

It. It didn't matter. He was going to be late. 

He quickly combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and hurried with Biana to the Leapmaster. 

Today was another day of pretending. 

-x- 

Throughout the day, Fitz kept double-checking his reflection to make sure it was still normal. There were dark bags under his eyes that he hadn't noticed before. Which was weird, since he'd actually been taking sedatives to sleep these days. He didn't tell anyone, though, so they wouldn't worry. He just snuck them into his room from the bathroom. To keep away the nightmares. 

"Earth to Fitzy. Fitzroy. Fitz Vackerrrrr—"

Fitz's head snapped up. "What?" 

Keefe poked him. "You feel weird." 

Something about Keefe's touch set Fitz on edge. "No I don't," he snapped, a little too loudly. The study hall mentor shushed them. 

"I'm the empath here," Keefe reminded him in a whisper. 

"Well, maybe you're wrong." 

"Jeez, why so moody?" Keefe poked him again. 

Fitz shrugged him away and ignored him. 

He had no idea why he was so angry at Keefe. He was being concerned as a good friend should be. 

But Fitz's heart was beating so loud in his ears, he didn't hear what Keefe said next. He tried to focus on writing, but his handwriting came out shaky and not at all neat.

Maybe he wasn't okay. 

-x- 

Fitz kept seeing things. Not as terrifying as the first time he saw Alvar in the mirror, but he did keep seeing shadows and shapes of people who weren't really there. 

He couldn't concentrate on reading, either. Every time he had to read more than a few paragraphs, shadows dimmed his vision and made the words look splotchy. It was seriously frustrating. 

It was getting to the point where he'd considered telling Elwin or somebody about it, but there was always a voice that told him he shouldn't. It told him that admitting that he was struggling would make him weak and pathetic.

The voice told him he deserved all of this. 

He deserved this pain. 

And so he did all he could to deal with it. He did his best to act normal, even when everything around him turned dark and shadows poured out of every space. 

Fitz was fairly certain his physical appearance was changing as well. His eyes looked darker and strangely empty, and he noticed his pupils were all dilated. 

He also looked skinny, but maybe that was because he was losing his appetite. The very thought of eating made him want to throw up. His family didn't seem to notice him skipping meals. They must just assume he was eating later. Or maybe they didn't care. Maybe they wanted him dead. 

His heart hurt. His lungs hurt. The veins in his hands looked dark as well, as if the shadows were in his blood.

Fitz was starting to find it hard to breathe, even when resting. Sitting up in bed sent him into a violent coughing fit. He covered his mouth with his hand, praying nobody could hear. 

If they found out, he was selfish. 

He couldn't tell anyone. 

He looked at his hand once he'd stopped coughing. It was stained with splotches of black. 

Fitz quickly washed his hands so nobody would know. 

-x-

Fitz had run out of sedatives, and every night the shadows closed in closer and closer, swallowing him whole until there was nothing but darkness that was blacker than black.

The nightmares that always followed had him bolting upright in a cold sweat after only an hour, and the rest of the night was spent in fearful wake. 

The voices. 

They wouldn't stop. 

Those twisted, evil, voices. They told Fitz to do horrible things. 

Hurt people. Kill people. 

Hurt himself. 

He was so scared. 

He was so tired of this. 

He wanted to stab the wretched echo out of his chest. 

He didn't care if he died. 

He couldn't do this anymore. 

-x-

Fitz was fairly certain it was a sunny day when the echo consumed him. It was hard to tell. 

He dragged himself out of bed, shaking, stumbling. 

He rolled up his sleeves and ran his hands down the dark black lines on his arms. 

Normal cuts would be red and bloody at first, then scab over, then heal. 

These never healed. 

Fitz changed into his uniform and tried to walk normally down the hall into the bathroom. The voices wouldn't quiet. He caught a glimpse of Biana talking to Della down the stairs, and he wanted to strangle them. 

These horrible, horrible thoughts. 

He was a horrible, horrible person for thinking them. 

Fitz closed himself in the bathroom and prepared to face his reflection again. It had been getting worse and worse. 

He felt so sick. 

He clapped a hand over his mouth, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit. He rushed over to the sink and spat out all sorts of horrible blackness and blood. Every second he thought it was over, and more came out, like he was coughing up his organs. 

It hurt so much. 

He wanted to die. 

Fitz glanced up at the mirror, breathing heavily. The liquid blackness stained his mouth and his hands and the sink. 

How was he supposed to hide this? 

Fitz did his best to scrub it off of his skin and wash it down the drain. He couldn't tell how well he'd done. His vision was too dark. Fitz brushed his teeth to get the sickening metallic taste out of his mouth. It didn't work. The aftertaste still lingered. He felt so nauseous. 

He couldn't take deep breaths. He could barely breathe.  But Alden didn't notice as he rushed off to a meeting. And Biana didn't notice Fitz losing a bit of himself every time they leaped. And his so-called friends didn't notice either. 

He must be overreacting. 

When lunchtime came, Fitz didn't bother getting in line and instead went to sit down at the table he always sat at. The table where he could pretend to be focusing on a book while everyone else talked around him. 

But Fitz was shaking so much. 

And he just. Collapsed. 

The cafeteria dimmed and the voices dulled as a rushing sound filled his ears and darkness took over. 

He vaguely registered that he was coughing, coughing up darkness and blood. 

The sound was overwhelming. The voices told him he was dying. 

And the pain. 

The pain was unbearable. 

A sharp, stabbing pain that bloomed in Fitz's chest and synched with his heartbeat. It spread around his torso, squeezed everything out of his stomach, made his hands stop working and his head spin. 

The last thing he remembered was darkness. 

And voices. 

You brought this on yourself, Fitz. 

-x- 

But that wasn't where it ended. 

There were other voices. Coming from outside of his own head. 

"What happened?!" 

"He just collapsed, and started coughing—" 

"Someone get Tam!" 

And in the back of all of this, a constant screaming. The echoes had heard this scream before, when they'd first left their mark. It was a scream of death. Fitz felt a similar sound escape his throat. He was lying down now. Somewhere comfortable. 

He wanted to escape this pain and leave the shadows behind forever. 

Fitz couldn't place the moment everything disappeared. It was a slow and painful end. There was no way to move. No way to run, no way out. 

His senses faded slowly away. The last thing he heard was the sound of someone sobbing beside him. 

And the scream of death faded away. 

[moonlarked]

More incorrect quotes from the quote generator

Wylie: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Wylie: One... two... three.

Maruca: ...

Wylie: ...

Wylie: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Sophie: Are you a cuddler?

Dex: I'm a machine of death and destruction.

Sophie:

Dex: ...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Dex, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Biana: Take it back now y'all!

Marella: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Keefe: Hi, who's this? Sophie changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Marella: What's mine?

Keefe: Dwarf.

Marella: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Keefe: Oh, hey Marella.

Marella: FUCK!

Wylie: Are you ready to commit?

Rayni: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Jensi: Where's Sophie, Linh, and Tam?

Biana: They're playing hide and seek.

Jensi: Where?

Biana: I don't think you get how this game works.

Jensi: Why are Sophie and Keefe sitting with their backs to each other?

Tam: They had a fight.

Jensi: Then why are they holding hands?

Tam: They get sad when they fight.

Maruca: Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Marella: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?

Sophie: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.

Marella: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Stina: What? I'm not aggressive!

Marella: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Stina: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Rayni: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Fitz: But I'm a vegan.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Marella: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Dex: What the hell do you do?

Marella: I die? What kinda question...

Linh: I'm never having a debate with Dex again, they literally started their argument with "Riddle me this."

Sophie: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

Fitz: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.

Wylie: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.

Fitz: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

*Linh and Biana are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

Linh: oh my god, Biana, backwards!

Biana: Really, Linh? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

Jensi: Marella's refusing to wear their glasses!

Marella: Jensi, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.

Marella: *points to Dex* Dex.

Marella: *points to Wylie* Wylie.

Marella: *points to Stina* Sasquatch.

Jensi: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Maruca: Cannibalism.

Jensi: *confused chewing noises*

Tam: Why is Keefe crying on the floor?

Stina: They're drunk.

Tam: And?

Stina: They saw a picture of Sophie's spouse.

Tam: But they're Sophie's spouse.

Stina: I know.

Rayni: You remind me of the ocean.

Tam: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Rayni: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Linh: You’re alive.

Rayni: No need to sound so disappointed.

[occasionally-good-authoring]

skateboard stickers and a bright red guitar strap

@winterfireice i was your secret santa, i hope you enjoy this! @song-tam

summary: biana is just a barista at the coffee shop with the world’s most pride flags. sophie is the college kid who seems to only ever host his sessions at this shop. marella is the band member whose band seems to play only at this shop. but that can’t mean anything, right?

There is no reason why a sweaty college student with blond hair tied up into a failing ponytail should turn Biana fifty different shades of red. Sophie Foster doesn’t seem to think so, with her fingerless leather gloves and elbow pads. 

Honestly, who gave him the right to look so good? Was their goal to make Biana re-realize how gay ae is every time ae sees her? It sure as hell seems like. Sophie’s got his skateboard in his left hand, looking around before finding Tam in a chair and practically bouncing over to him. He throws her skateboard down next to Tam, where it lands upside down, showing off the five d20’s stickers and three pride flags plastered on it.

She tries for a side hug that Tam pushes off with a small smile. He throws her skateboard on the chair next to Tam, then does her adorable bouncing walk over to Biana at the cash register. 

Shit. Ae did not have enough time to prepare for an actual interaction with the girl who can pull of sweaty skater punk. Sophie smiles, his eyes crinkling with it. 

God, she smiles like the fucking sun, ae can’t stop aerself from thinking.

“Hey Biana! How’s it going?” It’s okay, Biana can do this. Ae can control aer hopeless woman loving for one moment and talk to Sophie.

“Pretty good, how about you?” 

“Same here.” Another smile. Biana can do this. Ae’s not that useless of a lesbian. 

“What can I get for you, and don’t chose something I don’t want to make or I’ll convince Fitz to join your DnD group,” Biana laughs. Sophie narrows her eyes in a playful glare.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“Unbelievable.” A beat of silence then a soft laugh Biana could get drunk on. Ae might just be able to if the way ae’s just a bit weak in the knees. “Can I get two large iced mochas with three shots of espresso?”

“Are you getting one for Mister-Black-Coffee or are you getting two coffees for yourself again?” Sophie smiles sheepishly.

“Now, why would you ever think that, Biana?”

“Oh I would never be able to give you a reason for that, Soph.” Sophie smiles. Biana turns away to make the coffees, wishing it was easier to keep aer brain to focus on working the espresso machine. Last time ae wasn’t focused ae burned aer hand. 

Somehow, with a beautiful girl watching aer, Biana makes the coffees without burning aer hand again. Ae doesn’t know how ae did it, but ae did. Biana might just be magical. 

“You’re great, Biana, a saint if I could say so. Which I can, and will.” Sophie’s smile could make the most emotionally stony person melt, and Biana’s not even close to stone. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” 

.

As if one persistent crush of a friend wasn’t enough, Marella Redek refuses to give Biana’s heart a goddamn break. If there’s one thing that hits Biana harder than a girl with a skateboard, it’s a girl with a guitar.

And Marella’s got a guitar in her hands, the bright red shoulder strap catching some of cer gold streaked hair beneath it. Biana wants to wall over and free the strands, and maybe just brush aer fingers against Marella’s neck just to see what’ll happen. 

Ae busies aerself cleaning the counter, letting that idea be scrubbed out by the smell of bleach mixed with water. 

Marella’s band sets up for the nighttime show, the coffee shop practically empty before the flood of people Biana knows will come to watch them play. 

“Wait, where the hell is Keefe?” Stina says suddenly, stopping her messing with her keyboard. Linh looks up with a deceivingly innocent smile and Biana knows the answer long before Linh says a word. 

“With my brother, catching a ride.”

Maruca snorts. “Oh yeah? Did Tam get a skateboard big enough for the two of them?” 

“Unless he went to the store in the last hour, no, he didn’t.” 

Marella laughs and catches Biana’s eye from across the room, cer eyes reading Can you believe those two? plainly. Biana rolls her eyes and mouths a Nope, the shape of the word tarnished by the smile on her lips. But Marella seems to know the word well enough to smile a smile Biana swears contains the whole sun. 

Biana looks away before ce can see aer blush. The bell on the door dings and a yell of

“Took you long enough, Heslege!”

from Stina lets Biana know Keefe’s finally here, Tam most likely following in suit, ready for the shift he practically begged Jensi to let him trade. Jensi had smirked with all the smugness of a mob boss and said

“We can definitely trade shifts, Tam.”

Tam rushes to Biana near the counter, pointedly ignoring Keefe lean dramatically against Stina for a small jab from Marella. His cheeks are red, from the skateboard tucked under his arm or the blond warming up a few feet away, Biana can’t tell.

“Hey Loverboy, how was the ride over?” Biana asks quietly. Tam punches aer arm.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, that good?”

Tam glares at aer, to which Biana smiles sweetly. Tam eventually sighs and leans over to Biana.

“He caught me when I fell, Biana. In his arms. And he held me there for a second. I swear to god I almost fucking died.”

“God, Tam, it’s like you’re in a rom com. Next thing you know he’ll be dedicating his newest love song to you.” 

Tam rolls his eyes. “That’ll happen when pigs fly.”

“I can make that happen,” a new voice buts in. One with a smirk on cer lips and laughter in cer eyes. “Little glue and a crane or wires, I can make a pig fly.”

Both Biana and Tam turn red at Marella’s light voice, though for very different reasons. Biana laughs along, hoping Marella doesn’t notice the tint in aer cheeks. 

“Bit hot here, Biana?” Tam asks. Ae throws the rag at Tam, soaking wet rag smacking the middle of his shirt. 

“Dude!”

“I was just laughing at our friendly neighborhood hopeless romantic,” Biana laughs nervously. 

“Someone’s got to,” Marella laughs.

“I’m going to spit in your next coffee, Redek,” Tam warns, a laugh in his eyes with his cheeks red. 

“Be my guest, Tam, I’ll have Keefe try it first.” Marella laughs, then smacks the counter, leaning back off it. “I’d better get back there, band’s gotta practice and they’d fall apart without me, naturally.”

Ce winks at Biana before turning around, turning cer sun-smile back to the band, but with the way it changes, Biana can think just for a second, that ce had one just for aer. 

But no, that would be ridiculous. Marella smiles like that for everyone, minuscule changes or not.  

.

“Sophie, Sophie, please tell me that ae’ll realize soon. I winked at aer. I winked. Do you even know how stupid I felt? Tam saw! Tam was looking at me while I flirted with aer,” Marella rants into cer phone. 

Cer guitar is in it’s case, amp stuffed in a duffle bag hanging off Marella’s side. Ce tosses cer keys up and down, only a few blocks from cer apartment.

“I don’t know, ae’s worse than I was.”

“Now, I wouldn’t go that far, Soph. I had to ask to kiss you for you to go ‘Hey! Maybe Marella likes me!’.”

Marella fumbles with opening the door to cer apartment complex. 

“I’m not that bad!” A moment of paused, only Marella’s small laugh filling the space. “Okay, maybe I am.”

“Maybe?”

“Yeah, I’m that bad.”

.

Biana, like an idiot, had decided to come to the coffee shop on aer day off. While Marella’s playing and Sophie’s in the crowd, skateboard leaning on his chair and bandaids covering her arms and hands. 

“Sit next to Sophie,” Jensi says, a fond shake of his head. “She doesn’t bite, at least to my knowledge. Though, one can never be sure with blondes.”

“What do you have against blondes?” Biana laughs, aer face twisting into confusion. A look so serious it has to be a joke falls onto Jensi’s face.

“Nobody has hair that light naturally, I call witchcraft.” Jensi slides Biana’s coffee across the counter and shakes his head. “Now, go sit with him or I’ll pick you up and put you in his lap.”

“You can’t even pick me up!”

“Yeah, but Dex can and xe owes me for taking his shift so he could be annoying somewhere else.”

“Thanks for that, by the way. Xe came over and spent the night, xe and Fitz were the worst. It’s like they want to remind me how horribly single I am.”

“Go sit with Sophie and you won’t be.”

“Fuck you, Jensi.”

Ae goes to sit by Sophie anyway, gaining a soft punch from Sophie when she sits down. A smile too, bright and warm just like always. There’s not much speaking, not that Biana minds. 

It’s nice just sitting next to Sophie, watching Marella dance around the best ce can with a guitar. But then Marella takes the microphone from Keefe after a song, letting him wander off stage (probably towards Tam, Biana’s willing to bet). 

“Keefe bet me ten bucks I he would confess to his crush first, and I want a coffee tonight and only have ten bucks, so here we go.” Sophie’s smiling like a madman, elbowing Biana like he wants to make sure ae’s listening. “So, Biana, after way too much flirting, I would like to formally announce I like you and me and Sophie would like to take you on a date.”

“What.” The perfect thing for Biana to say in that moment.

“You suck! I didn’t bring money!” Keefe yells, in the middle of dramatically dipping down to his knee in front of time.

“Yeah, yeah, keep going Lover Boy. Now, what do you say Biana?”

There’s a lot of heartfelt things Biana could be saying in this moment, and probably a lot of things ae should say. Instead, ae yells:

“I want to choose the place!”

Sophie and Marella laugh, Sophie throwing an arm over Biana’s shoulder. 

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Bee,” they both say with a laugh. Keefe stays off stage for the next song, Marella taking over vocals with a voice that’s as rough as sandpaper in a lovely way.

“Ce wrote this one for you,” Sophie whispers.

Biana finds ae believes it.

[bookwyrminspiration]

the only part about legacy i liked is the scene where bronte is heavily implied to want sophie to become a councillor. other than that the entire experience was MISERABLE that book was. not fun

Correct! Bronte has been an absolute gem this book, between his you should become a councillor/not distract yourself with romance hints and saying he'd be proud if she was his daughter, he's the lone firefly keeping me light in this pitch black hell.

I will say I've also enjoyed Stina; she's not my favorite, but I can really appreciate her development and place in the story here--which makes it even more unfortunate when she gets undeveloped in Stellarlune for the sake of drama. Oh and Tam! He's been a delight, though unfortunately he is currently kidnapped so we're not seeing a lot of him.

Aside from that...I don't think there's anything else I'm enjoying. Smeyer once said that the further you get into a story, the more the possibilities of what it could be narrows into what it is, and the more people you lose who were attached to other possibilities that didn't come to fruition (paraphrased). Which I think might be happened here for me a little.

Because there is just so much talk about matchmaking and finding her parents and how she deserves this etc. etc. And about how difficult its turning out to be to be in a relationship. It's such a central part to the book and I simply do not give a shit! Both about how much its being focused on and how the characters are acting/being written. Yeah, Sophie, I'm sorry you're having relationship troubles, but you literally acknowledged what the mature, reasonable way to proceed was and then didn't do it. Twice. I'm not sympathetic to that

Also the way both Biana and Sophie are like..."would Fitz wait?" in terms of matchmaking when he has canonically said! twice!! that he would go at her pace, however long she needed. Like. Tell me you're being unfair to him and the issue is being forced without telling me you're being unfair to him and the issue is being forced. The whole book is just so unfair to Fitz. He's characterized and attentive and willing to go slow, even though matchmaking is important to him, and then the narrative turns around and makes a bio parent search necessary in connection to him? Rude. He's consistently trying to communicate and be supportive and Sophie's just doubting him and not returning the effort!! So I'm really not sympathetic to her plight. No, Fitz isn't perfect, but I'm upset about all this more

And when Sophie said she was getting really bad at juggling everything she was very very right. Her priorities are all out of order and she keeps ignoring other people, and I understand she's a busy person who deserves a break. But she's letting everything else slack for matchmaking? I cannot find it in me to care.

Listen. I know. I know that Sophie's only ever wanted to be normal and she hoped that's what matchmaking would be for her, one part of her life that was normal. It's just not a sentiment I resonate with so it doesn't really add to the book for me. It was important to her, I get it, and I'm sorry she doesn't get to be normal like she wants. But there are people relying on her, responsibilities she has agreed to and is failing to deliver on--which also brings me to Team Valiant and all that. They're reaching a stage where they're like "we need to work alongside the council, the black swan has always wanted to work with them" and maybe this is because I grew up with a shit government, but whenever I read that I roll my eyes. because like. fuck the council. they have total control and have consistently fucked up in the past, and overestimate their importance as naturally chosen to lead this world, while also wanting us to sympathize with the burden. it is under the council and their choices that these problems have come to pass, so if it were me I don't know if I'd make the same choices as the characters. and I don't think working alongside the council would've ever been my goal. like hooray if they want to do something that benefits our goals to fix everything in the end, I won't stop them, but also. that doesn't make them wonderful and reliable and mean we shouldn't continue to critique and fix things outside of them. like marx said

I think I could stand it more if there was a balance between all her matchmaking/parentage woes and everything else going on in the series, but it just feels overwhelming. And I really don't care. And I don't like how it's being explored and written. So this book has been very painful to read through.

This isn't everything, but its some of it. Fortunately I do quite like unlocked, so I'll have a brief reprieve of enjoyment before I dive into Stellarlune :)

[ravs6709]

All This Love (I'll Show You How It Feels)- Ambiguous Kam

Word count: 2.8k words

To ink @soryasongsaa !!! Happy late birthday! Have some kam fake dating shenanigans because it hit my brain and I couldn't not write it <3 it was fun as hell to write and I hope you enjoy it just as much

Also he/they keefe!!!

Warnings: swearing, and vaguely suggestive scene except it'd also just crack

•~•~•~•~•~•

Tam thought that it'd been a perfectly normal day. It had been a perfectly normal day. It was 11 p.m., he was in his room and had no reason to interact with anyone, so really, the day should have ended completely normal.

And then there was a knock on his window.

(Oh, of course when the window mesh was damaged, that's when all the nonsense happened.)

He grabbed some old, heavy as hell, textbook in one hand and opened the curtains with the other, then the window, ready to knock the intruder to the ground.

When he saw a glimpse of messy blond hair, he nearly smacked the intruder out of instinct, but barely managed to refrain.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked Keefe, who was casually sitting on the narrow ledge of Tam's window. "Give me a reason to not just shove you off."

Keefe guffawed. "Bangs Boy, is this a death threat?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not a long fall."

(...he would know, he accidentally fell out one time when he was younger.)

He raised an eyebrow. "A favour."

"Ugh, fine, I have a favour. Can't let me be dramatic in peace."

They nodded. "A favour. Unless you want me to go to Linh instead-"

Tam yanked them by the arm and pulled them in. "Do not." Ignoring Keefe's yelp, he continued. "You want me to do some last minute assignment due tomorrow?"

They rolled their eyes. "I wish. I'd have just gone to Fitzy. Unfortunately, I can only ask this of you, because I'm in a much, much more dire-"

"Get on with it. You're interrupting my sleep."

They laughed. "Sleep? You were just gonna stay up until 2am playing a gacha game."

Keefe scowled briefly, then their features shifted into that really annoying expression they got when they were planning something. "Be my boyfriend."

Tam blinked. The expression on their face didn't change. The clock on his wall kept ticking.

"What?"

"Be my boyfriend," Keefe repeated, as if this wasn't the most inane thing they'd ever said, and they'd said some really inane things over the two years that Tam has known them for.

"I know what you said. But let me repeat myself. What."

Their expression schooled into something serious, and Tam decided he wasn't going to throw them out of his window.

"It's fake dating, not a real relationship," they said, "just to clarify."

Never mind. The window was back to being appealing.

"Why."

They shrugged. "To piss off my dad?"

Tam sighed. "Alright, fine, that's understandable. Why the hell are you asking me? You know Sophie would be down for pissing him off."

"I know. But Daddy Dearest himself said I should get a girlfriend."

Tam scrunched his face in disgust. "He actually told you that?"

"It was so awkward, I didn't even know how to snark my way out of what."

"Okay, fine. A boyfriend. Fitz?"

"And interrupt whatever weird Fitzphie pining is going on?" They scoffed. "Another reason I can't date Foster, by the way."

He nodded. "Dex?"

Their expression went serious again. "For... personal reasons, I can't. So really, that leaves you, Bangs Boy, as my final and only candidate." They sighed dramatically. "So. Be my boyfriend?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How does this work? Do I go to your dad's house and hold your hand? Kiss you on the cheek?"

They both grimaced at that. Yeah, no.

"Uhhh, it'd be nice if it were that simple. We gotta like, do a full pretense. Date at school and all that."

He narrowed his eyes. "You want the whole school to know we're dating?"

They nodded. "Yeah, and our friends should believe it too."

"Why the fuck do they have to believe it's real?"

They waved a hand. "They're shit at keeping secrets. You know this. Daddy Dearest is also great at sensing lies, so the less people to lie to him, the better."

This went from mildly annoying to getting on his nerves. "You're annoying."

This was insane. He had to pretend to date Keefe, and make it believable to his friends. He had to fool Linh. "I'm not kissing you."

They gagged. "Ew, hell no. Are you stupid? Who needs to flaunt kissing to prove they're a couple? Bangs Boy, you read too many romance novels."

"Shut up, or I won't date you."

"...you were going to agree this fast?"

"No," he lied.

Obviously he didn't actually want to date Keefe, but they clearly didn't want to do it either, seeing as he was a last (and only) resort. The fact that they actually came to him meant that this was at least kind of serious.

"How long is this supposed to last?"

"I'm gonna move out once I start college. Then give it another month or so, we can break up saying the distance was too much for us."

Tam had to say, for how impulsive and absolutely reckless this fake dating thing sounded, it sounded like they'd thought a lot of this through.

He weighed the pros and cons of this in his head.

Cons: he had to fake date Keefe. He'd have to swallow his pride and be a little affectionate towards them. He'd have to be believable. Keefe would make fun of him. Linh would tease the hell out of him. His parents wouldn't be the happiest with him when they found out.

Pros: He'd have to watch Keefe swallow their pride in order to be affectionate. And they were a very physically affectionate person. He'd get to make fun of them back. He could say he got a boyfriend before Linh could get herself a girlfriend (it was fake and they came to him but that didn't matter). His parents wouldn't actually do anything, might send a few judgemental looks, but he'd long learned to not care about those. He didn't even have to worry about the breakup story.

"How are we going to convince our friends we're in love?" Tam asked. "We hate each other."

To his utter surprise, their face turned red. "Um. There's a non-zero chance that at least one of our friends think I have a thing for you."

"What."

"Weird conversation in a groupchat for that gacha game Linh plays. Denying it made it worse."

"What."

"And since Marella and Biana play it too, they might actually be convinced too-"

"What."

"It is not my fault if I think a fictional character who happens to look like you is hot-"

Tam put a hand over their mouth. "Please," he said, his voice oddly strained to his ears, "shut up."

Keefe nodded, their face growing warm to the touch. Tam removed his hand, and Keefe scowled at him. "We never speak of this again."

Tam nodded sagely.

•~•~•~•~•~•

So that conversation had happened on Sunday night, and now it was Monday morning, and Tam had to go to school. It felt like a blessing now more than ever that they were in different grades, because it meant they only saw each other at lunch or at the school's strings ensemble.

When lunch came, Keefe was at the lunch table already, so he just sat beside him.

Linh raised an eyebrow, and sat opposite of him. "Strange."

Marella, who sat beside her shrugged. "If it means they won't play footsies again, I'll take it."

Tam glanced at Keefe, wondering if this was a good opportunity to say something, but the idea of a public announcement of dating was so weird. How do you even make that kind of announcement when neither of you showed interest in the other?

(Well, ignoring... what Keefe had said. That didn't count.)

He had no desire to kiss him on the lips, a cheek kiss was less weird but still way too excessive. Handholding was probably not a bad idea, but when it came to the two of them, it seemed too quick, too fast.

Keefe kicked his foot. Tam kicked it back. The angle was weird because they were sitting beside each other instead of on opposite sides, but clearly, that wasn't stopping Keefe.

"They're at it again," Biana said, from where she was sitting beside Keefe.

When Keefe's foot knocked into his again, Tam hooked his ankle around Keefe's. He glanced at him from his peripheral vision, and noted the almost wide-eyed look. It was such a minor action, but it seemed to have stunned him.

Linh hummed, looking straight at Tam, before her eyes flicked down as she leaned back, peeking under the table.

Tam hid his smile as he continued eating. Maybe this could be fun.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Well. Unlike Tam, who was going for subtlety with his under the table, before building up to something more, Keefe had no intention on that. Which, he really should have expected.

They'd been a little quiet during their group study session/hangout at the Vackers, but it wasn't until they'd slid a paper onto his notebook did he understand why.

Tam picked up the sheet of paper and looked at it. It was a sketch from a pencil, the lines smooth as it depicted a soft looking picture. A picture of Tam doing some of his work, a slight smile on his face, probably a relieved smile from when he'd managed to figure out an answer to a question earlier.

"This..." Tam began, lost on what to say.

"Felt like drawing you," they replied, as if that was a proper answer.

And if that wasn't enough, they then grabbed his hand and brought it to their cheek. For a moment, he almost thought that they'd bring his hand to their lips, but fortunately, they did not do that. "Your hand's cold," they murmured, "but it feels nice."

"You are... very shameless."

He thought that they'd struggle more to be affectionate with him. Then again, they were always one to defy expectations.

"What?" Sophie asked, and not just her, but the rest of his friends were staring at them. "Since... when?"

"It's not unexpected," Linh said neutrally, looking at Tam. "The more surprising thing is that I didn't get to know beforehand. That being said, I also want to know how long."

"Last night," Tam replied. "Came to my window like they're in some romantic drama, then confessed their undying love for me. The absolute sap."

He hid his smile as he glanced at their briefly scowling face. And because they hated being outdone, they had to add, "Well, you should've seen the look on his face. The cute blush, the wide eyes, the way his voice lowered as he told me how he hated me but still couldn't help loving me."

He glared. It wasn't as chilled as it usually was, which was a testament as to how surprisingly calm he felt. If this had been even yesterday, there was a relatively high chance of this devolving into a fistfight.

•~•~•~•~•~•

During one of Tam's grocery shopping sessions, he'd been browsing through the snack aisle. He usually only came here every once in a while to stock up on some relatively low sugar cookies. As he walked down the aisle, he spotted a certain brand of cookies.

("Bangs Boy," Keefe whined over the phone, because for some reason, Tam decided to accept his call instead of denying it like he normally did. "I'm out of cookies and the store doesn't have more in stock."

"That sounds like a you problem," Tam told him.

"Such a mean boyfriend, you are. I've got the worst boyfriend."

"Sure, sure," he said absently, because he'd been paying more attention to the show that he'd been watching before he got the phone call.)

Without thinking, he grabbed a box and tossed it into the shopping basket. He paid for his stuff and shoved it into his backpack, then walked over to Keefe's house.

He probably could just enter the front door, but at this point it was almost 9:30 p.m. and he didn't feel like coming across Keefe's dad. There was an easy to climb tree, and it was definitely easier than getting to his own window.

The mesh was attached, but the window had been opened slightly, and Tam could hear the sound of a violin playing.

Now, he was no stranger to Keefe's playing, he heard it every time during their strings ensemble club meeting. He was even familiar with Keefe playing to only him. But there had always been an audience, and when there was an audience, there was always the need to play a certain way.

He couldn't see Keefe at this moment, but he could imagine the lack of tension in his posture, could imagine closed eyes as he immersed himself fully.

On your own, when there was no one to hear other than yourself, there was a lack of restraint, there was a vulnerability. He knew it from hearing Linh play cello, but hearing it from Keefe, it was...

The flash of a camera blinded him.

"You look like a creep, staring from my window," Keefe said.

"You play well," Tam blurted.

His mouth parted into a small gape, and Tam had expected a reply of 'obviously' or 'you finally admit it, Bangs Boy?' but he didn't say anything, eyes wide.

"Soo, why are you here?" Despite the words, he took down the mesh and let Tam in. "Surely it wasn't to act like a creepy stalker."

Tam pulled out the box of cookies and threw it at him, annoyed by the ease of which he caught it.

"Oh my god, a present?" Keefe gasped dramatically. "I've changed my mind. You're the best boyfriend!"

"Don't expect this to happen often. I just happened to be shopping."

Still though, Keefe was grinning, ice blue eyes gleaming, as he hastily opened the box and took out a pack. "Thanks, Bangs Boy!" There was a sense of genuine happiness, none of that smugness, none of that bravado, and it wasn't often that Tam was the one to make him that happy.

While Keefe was busy pleasantly eating his cookies, Tam snatched his phone out of his pocket.

"Hey, what the hell—hah, you don't know my password!"

Tam quickly entered his fingerprint—because he'd managed to sneak it on and was saving it for an important moment—and he opened the photos app.

Upon realizing this, Keefe tackled him. They both fell on to the bed.

"When the hell did you get your fingerprint on?"

"I'm not telling you."

They wrestled on the bed for the phone. Their hands fumbled as they aggressively grabbed at each other.

"Delete that picture."

"Hell no!"

They continued wrestling, as Tam managed to pin him down on the bed. It was only when Keefe stopped struggling when he realized the position that they were in.

And then the door opened.

"Keefe—" the sound of Cassius Sencen's voice cut off.

And if that wasn't horrifying enough...

"Oh, dad, can't you see you're interrupting something?" Then he cupped Tam's face in his hand.

Tam didn't dare look back to actually see Cassius's face, but there was an awkward silence and then he could hear footsteps leave.

"Keefe," Tam let out a breath. He was frozen in shock. "What the fuck what that?"

He grinned. "I was planning to pretend to kiss you in front of him anyway, this could not have gone better."

"Your dad thinks you and I are..."

"Tell me it isn't hilarious."

"It is. But I'm going to be horrified anyway because what the fuck. I'm leaving. Also, delete that picture or else I'm telling Sophie about your fictional crush."

"Hey—we agreed we'd never speak of that again!"

•~•~•~•~•~•

When Tam opened his locker at school, he was not expecting a crap on of drawings of him pasted on the walls by magnets, but somehow, he wasn't surprised.

"And you call me the creepy stalker," Tam said to Keefe.

"This is revenge for you getting your fingerprint on my phone."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you've been here before."

They sighed. "Yeah, you're right."

•~•~•~•~•~•

During lunch, Keefe had a physics test soon that they were now whining about.

"I should've dropped out," they wailed. "What if I ditch the test?"

"Hey," Tam said, leaning over to rest a hand on their head, ruffling their hair a little bit. "You'll be fine. You've done better with less studying."

Keefe relaxed into his touch, and he wondered when this became normal. Physical touch wasn't necessarily his thing, but he'd noticed that Keefe was very receptive to it. And he was more fine giving it, comparing to receiving. It even made Keefe less annoying when they got this comfortable.

This whole fake-dating thing was... kind of fun. He found he didn't mind if Keefe dragged him on random outings or showed up at his window at 11 p.m.

He didn't mind keeping up this pretense.

•~•~•~•~•~•

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