#FUCK MY SHITTY COMPUTER
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There are things out there that our little minds will never comprehend.
DARK (2017-2020)
#my gifs#forcing people to watch this show by gifing scenes you cant even begin to understand the context of leaving you no choice but to watch#i am literally on my knees begging you to watch this if you havent#this is my roman empire#as always these look infinitely better on my computer than my shitty old phone so im just gonna have to hope that you guys have good phones#or are on your computers#dark#dark netflix#jonas kahnwald#tvedit#scifiedit#darkedit#dailyflicks#usergreta#plz tell me theres still a big enough fandom for this to get notes#there must be bc i cannot fucking imagine watching this show and then just moving on#color set
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Downloading clangen to my computer is a pain in my ass omg. It is doing the "OWO WHERE IS THE EXE. FILE OWO IDK MAN OWO" thing.
yes. yes I have checked the discord and tried following the instructions MANY TIMES but MY COMPUTER REALLY REALLY HATES THESE PIXEL CATS LMAO
LIKE AT THIS POINT IT IS KINDA FUNNY
LIKE. LIKE IT KEEPS SAYING "this is a virus" BUT THEN WHEN I GO TO THE ANTIVIRUS HISTORY THING MY COMPUTER HAS THE NERVE TO SAY THAT IT HASNT DONE ANYTHING LIKE YES YOU DID WHERE ARE MY CATS
#trying again at some point#but like#it is funny lmaoooo fucking shitty computer#I JUST WANT THE CATS#I will have to take my pair to a video call and try again with him#clangen#i miss you clangen
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scanned some pages from a few of my sketchbooks from this year and made a little pdf
you can get it free on kofi!
#the art of a lemon wedge#youve probably already seen most these pages but this time its actually scanned and not just a shitty photo from my phone lol#i was feeling a little down since this i hadnt drawn as much this year#at least not as many finished pieces to post#cause my hand was too fucked to use my computer at the beginning of the year#and the lose of my friend in the middle of the year#my mental health has been ABYSMAL#and yet#ive used my physical sketchbook when i could#and i DID want to continue putting together pdfs every year#so as a little reminder to myself#HERE I AM BABY
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#best buy fucked up the backup of my old files and only backed up the thumbnails for my blender projects on my work computer??#so heres uhh shitty subd furby#at least it was just my work computer. if i lost my home computer with all my mods i would lose it that would break me.#furby
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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wanted to do the ArtvsArtist2023
I use a lot of red for someone who isn't a fan of it 🥴. Im always trying not to use it, but it's just too damn good for contrast 😩🤏
This really was the year of drawing lot of zelda stuff, but mostly ganondorf, I could easily fill this with only ganondorf images haha
Also this year I finally got my tablet (with screen and shit) and man, I love it.
#man my shoulders are really fucking misaligned#I was told by the doctor the other day#but I didn't really noticed it until that photo XD#I guess it is because of the amount of hours I spend on the computer using the mouse and tablet 🤔#and my shitty posture in general
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bro i tried out hifisampler by plugging in some untuned whatever in my old fruityloops files and this shit is crazy. hello Hagane Hey (volume warning: the utau).
#vocal synth wip#? i should make a tag for 'vocal synth just fucking around' LOL this isnt a wip its a plugnplay <3#i like the sound of this resampler a lot! it makes my computer scream tho LOL#like DAMN usually my computer is pretty fine with neural stuff but this thing is like back when i was using tips on my old laptop#it CHUGS. but it sounds really nice <3 especially with my beloved monopitch wonders#NOW it doesnt seem to support any flags? which is a big shame - 99% of my tuning is flag/parameter shit LOL#but its so nice sounding that i dont mind that much. very curious to watch this resampler going forward!#its a little painful to install. but not too painful! but a little painful. also its LARGE#it like killed our internet downloading it for a second there hfjskhfsjgdkfsd#but very cool resampler! it also sounds really nice with my really shitty self utau i made earlier LOL#im glad to know even my failed homunculus sounds good with it!#but back to Hey.... i should use him more. hes so funny. 1 pitch and its only yelling <3 awesome
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havent been on the computer much all weekend because i've been dealing with some eye strain but i'm experiencing newmann withdrawal so. time to try printing out one of my fics and editing on paper i guess
#eye strain is a result of Computers Job i suspect#dunno what im gonna do at work tomorrow but im hoping if i do some eye stretches every half hour or so#and adjust my computer settings to be gentler on the eyeballs#ill be fine#was also dealing with a shitty monitor situation last week b/c my desk isnt suuuper well set up yet but that should be fixed tomorrow#if im really having issues i can probably reduce my hours this week#anyway. i picked a short fic to print out but. oh my god whys it so many pages#was gonna do mana screw but it's like 47 r.i.p#this is a little one i rediscovered in my drafts thats like 2k#working title is Crane Game#and it's still nine fucking pages#like if you ask me how much a page double spaced is i know it's roughly 250 words. but somehow this still seems unfair#im too used to digital formats from reading ebooks and fic all the time. why writing so big#dunno how editing on paper is going to be but we're gonna give it a go
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Wait you like Madness Combat AND Epic the Musical too? Do you get any cooler...
I HAVE QUITE A FEW INTERESTS YES.... HELLO ANON.... HI.... SO GLAD YOU THINK IM COOL ^_^
#ive liked madcom for like.5 years of my life i fear#its a sleeper interest itll just resurface every once and a while#STILL need to play mpn.... i tried ages ago w my shitty computer. failed. gave up. gotta buy it now#its my goallll to play it however. i wanna see my fucked up guy [crackpot] [also stygian]#and also EPIC !!! I LOOOVE ETM.... its so very dear to me#i think i picked it up right whennnn ocean saga released?#give or take i mean#and ive been following it ever since....#i never posted abt it simply bc i never realized it had an active fanbase over here LMAO but trust i do love etm#most of my playlists have songs from it on them now bc im . normal i fear#kitkat chitchat
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If there was some sort of overstimulation beam I actually would use it. I think some people would benefit from knowing what it's like to be overstimulated. Maybe for like. 10 hours. And then they get to go home and have their family laugh at them and call them dramatic and fussy because they're a little stompy and want some time alone to cry after being on edge for 10 hours. And maybe they'll think "holy shit THAT'S what that person was going through???"
#idk i just#today was really really rough ON TOP OF the whole being overstimulated for 10 hours#like. I get paid minimum wage and I fell into a dumpster today because I was told I'd be written up if I didn't push the trash down#and there was a live rat in the dumpster already#and then I stuttered when I was talking to a customer and he made fun of me for it#full on mock imitation while his friends laughed#and then he LIED to my manager when she asked what happened trying to get me in trouble#all because he didn't like the fact that i couldn't apply a sale to his stuff because he didn't spend enough#sir the register is a computer it's not something i can override#and then i slipped outside on break and my back tightened up#and I haven't eaten in 24 hours#and my family is laughing at me and making fun of the fact that i haven't finished college yet#and also the fact that I can't afford to pay for my classes#because i work a shitty job that doesn't pay me enough#not to mention my coworkers can be so fucking. idle#i told some of them to shut up earlier because I couldn't hear my other coworker yelling out the orders#of course the speaker at max volume didn't help#I can only tune out so much#okay im done#vent post
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Old art, new format!
Made a paint by numbers for myself to keep track of which colour goes where because I know I would have messed it up otherwise.
Fun to see how this turns out.... I custom mixed the blues. I think 2 and 3 may end up being too similar, but it should still get the effect I wanted for the most part.
#new hobbies are so good and there is still so much to learn and I am trying different things every time#do i hate that my new hobby costs more money than no hobby? and all the fucking guilt and stuff that comes with#spending money on myself? yeah pretty much yeah its why i never feel bad about digital art because#i would still be using the computer and internet anyway so aside from the tablet cost almost a decade ago this is#basically free for me so like idk idk physical hobbies are so good but physical goods make me feel sick#because of the fucking world we live in and the way i was raised so like i am really#struggling here but what are ya gonna do eh? trying to push all this away because processing it has only looped it#so we get a lovely post and the mother of all fucking shitty tag talks afterwards :) :(
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nowadays is it better to buy a 1978 type 57s/c red convertible bugatti or should i just dive off a bridge and kill myself
#sdsf posting#i actually am full of melancholy tbh because all my files were on my old computer#and they got deleted when it died so now ill never find my notes again#on the extensive research i did about deweys stupid shitty car........ fuck all life
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When the rage melts into apathy and then further fades into just quiet dissociation…

#I’m coolin (I’m not)#but i am bc idc anymore#fuck my security deposit#fuck my shitty ass roommate may he burst into FUCKING FLAMES#I got my computer and my trinkets out and now idc anymore#nia.txt
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i miss being hikineet life was less miserable then.
#genuinely less depressing. idk i just dont think im meant to be a person#i cant fucking talk to people without having an autistic sperg out and humiliating myself#i just want to not fail ONCE just fucking once but i cant#whatever. little nurse should be arriving soon.#burando will keep me alive burando is my will to live.#i miss working retail yeah it was shitty and i had fucking meltdowns but not as often as i do in school#plus when i was the only one at the store i could read or crochet or just generally slack off and tell customers to go fuck themselves.#now prof is gonna act like its high school and get mad at me for sleeping in class once like bro cmon im eepy leave me alone#if i fail thats my problem if im wasting money thats my problem mind ur own business.#she went fucking camping over the weekend thats what she was busy with. all i did was see a play and go to the club.#i fucking. did chores and ran errands and shit. did some lame and gay computer shit.#plus im really nauseous rn so like.#im just in a horrible mood and a horrible way and i wish life could be just a little bit easier just a little bit
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malding over my drawing tablet breaking for hte 2840842th time i just want to get a quick sketch out but you wont even give me that
#i cant tell if its my fucked up pirated csp or if its my shitty years old 30d tablet#genuinely infuriating i want to smash my computer into 242432 pieces and crush my drawing tablet into a fine powder#maybe the driver is bugged...... twitches#could be my sign to get a better tablet but hell no why would i do that. whats the point... i like this one..... please be for real for onc#i just want to do studiessssss Pleaseeee
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average adobe experience
#I FUCKING HATE ADOBE ILLUSTRATOR#IF ADOBE WAS A REAL PERSON I WOULD TELL THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES#I HOPE ILLSTRATTOR FLINGS ITSELF OFF OF A BRIDGE#STUPIDEST PIECE OF FUCKIG SHIT I WISH IT WAS DEAD GOD FUCK I HATE IT#WHY IT IT THE SHITTIES FUCKING SOFTWARE#OOOOOOHHHHHHHH WERE ADOBE WERE SOOOOO UNQUE SO OUR PRODUCT IS GOUNG TO FUCKING SUCK#WHY WOULD WE MAKE THE UNDO BUTTON CTRL Y LIKE IT IS FOR EVERY OTHER PROGRA NO FUCK YOU ITS CTRLZSHIFT#OOHHHH DDI YOU WANT TO DO THE MOST BASIC THIN???#FUCK YOU!!!!!#YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THREE DIFFERENT MENUS TO TY AND FIND EHAT YOU WANT AND THEN IT WONT EEVEN WORK BC OF SOME BC REASON#“teehee” ILLL KILL YOU. OH MY GOD#COME HERE. COME HERE. LET ME FUCKING STRANGLE YOU#PIECE OF SHIT COMPUTER#WE CANT DO ANYTHIN NORMALLY NOOOOOOOOOO#WERE SO SPECIAL WE JUST DO FUCKINGR ANDOM SHIT THAT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE WHY SHOULD WE#MOST UNUSABLE PIECE OF SHIT SOFTARE HOLY FUC#THIS SHIT IS WHY IM DROPPING OUT OF ART SCHOOL. GENUINELY KYS#I HATE THAT ITS INDUSTRY STANDARD AND ITS FUCKING PRICE GOUGIING JESUS CHRIST#GOD. G0D. GOD. I HATE ADOBE#FUCK ADOBE#I HATE THIS FUCKING PROJECT AND THIS FUCKING CLASS AND THIS SOFTWARE GOD IM GOING TO GO INSANE#I LOVE SPENDING 30 FUCKIG MINUTES TRYING TO MAKE A HALF CIRCLE#GOBNA FUCKING PUNCH THE SCHOOLS MONIOR. FUCK YOU#THE ADOBE CEO PRAYS HE NEVER MEETS ME IN THE STREETS CAUSE I AM BEATING HIS ASS#GOD.#lilac post#vent#lmao i am feeling slightly less homicidal now <3
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