#FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RUN SPELLCHECK

[bedlamsbard]

If I was grading by hand I would get a stamp made that just says SOURCE? because it is my number one comment on every paper that crosses my desk. alas I am grading on a computer and I just have to keep typing it.

[mamawasatesttube]

favorite ship dynamic: shenanigans. if they arent gonna get up to mischief together whats the POINT?

[haarrrys]

bo peep 🦢

wc - 1.1K

🏷️ tags - boyfriend!harry, fem!reader, long distance relationship, fluff, slight angst if you squint.

pairings - boyfriend!harry & fem!reader 🕰️🎧

summary - y/n is hiding something, or someone, from harry, who is on the other side of the world.

(a/n) no spellcheck, so i apologize in advance! i wrote this in like five mins so it’s kinda.. blah but I wanted to share it :)

“so.. I did a thing.” is the first thing y/n says to him after accepting his facetime.

“oh no..” harry chuckles, his eyes furrowing in confusion, and a little worry.

“please don’t be mad.”

“well.. love, that depends on what it is..” harry says, his once playful mood beginning to diminish. what if it’s something serious?

“it’s something that could change our relationship forever.” y/n says, a blank face staring back at harry through the screen. uncomfortable chills run down his body, and he wishes he wasn’t miles away from her.

“is this something we should be discussing over facetime then..?” harry sighs, a frown taking over his features. he was excited to call y/n after his show, having missed her the whole day, but now this uncertainty is fucking up his day.

“i better just show you now..i think it would be better this way.” y/n explains, shuffling heard from her end. from the background, he can tell y/n is still in their “shared” bedroom in england. (it’s harry’s, but he likes to call it’s theirs) for some reason, this eases his anxiety slightly.

“come here, it’s okay.” he hears y/n whisper.

“did you adopt a baby or summat? why are you cooing..” harry starts, but his words become quiet as the smallest little white kitten enters the frame.

it’s silent for a moment, until the little thing meows, and harry barks out a laugh that startles the kitten.

“oh god, love— i thought— I thought this was something serious!” he says in between laughs, attempting to catch his breath.

y/n pretends to be offended, but the smile she fights off her face says otherwise. “oi! this is very serious. could make or break our relationship, because im not returning her.” she explains, making harry smile at her cuteness.

“i thought we agreed no pets? for now atleast..” harry says. since he’s always touring, traveling, moving, adopting a pet just wouldn’t fit into that lifestyle. they’d have to get pet sitters, who more often than not would be spending more time with the kitten than them.

“i know but.. it’s so lonely here. i need a companion. when me and y’mum visited the animal shelter and i saw this sweet little angel.. I couldn’t leave her there. anne said she kinda looks like you too.”

harry chuckles, “should’ve known my mum had something to do with this. crazy cat lady.”

“don’t call your mother that.” she hisses, although knowing, there is some truth to his words.

harry ignores her comment, “im sorry that you feel lonely. long distance is..hard. but are you sure about this? when you join me on tour it’s gonna be difficult with a kitten.”

“im sure. ill take her everywhere if i have to, she’s the sweetest, calmest girlie ever.”

“and it’s okay, i knew what i was getting myself into when we started dating.”

harry frowns at that. “i feel like a shit boyfriend.” he admits, sighing. y/n frowns back, setting the kitten down on harry’s side of the bed, which he envy’s for a split second.

“your an amazing boyfriend harry. so don’t say that.”

“i feel like i’m neglecting you— i should be with you.”

y/n shakes her head,”y’not. long distance isn’t rare y’know? you love touring, it makes you happy, I’m not upset. sure it gets..lonely, but that’s just part of being miles apart right? would be weird if I didn’t get lonely.. the love of my life is across the world!” she laughs.

harry smiles, making no attempt to cover the blush that tints his cheeks. for the first time in a relationship, he feels theirs a mutual bond of just..love, and needing eachother.

“you make me happy too, more than touring i reckon.” he says, making her pout dramatically through the screen. “don’t make me cry in front of bo peep haz.” she sniffs.

“bo peep? as in… from toy story? you named the kitten bo peep?” harry says, a serious look on his face before he breaks into laughter.

“wha? it’s a good name! i call her bo for short. don’t laugh at it! and also, not just from toy story..it’s a nursery rhyme too.” she says, acting offended.

“sorry love, it’s not a bad name. i kinda love it. bo.” he tries.

y/n smiles, nodding, before she yawns.

“tired babe?” harry asks, remembering it’s pretty early for her right now. it’s ‘twelve am’ for him.. so it’s like, five or six am for her.

“mhmh..couldn’t fall asleep with this little one.. feel like a new parent. im scared something will happen to her. also, wanted to hear your voice.” she says, yawning again at the end of her sentence.

harry coos, “imagine when we have babies, you’re gonna be a wreck.” he laughs. the topic isn’t foreign, or uncomfortable for them. in the two years they’ve been together, talking about babies and marriage is something that always comes up in their conversations, especially late night ones.

in past relationships, talking about children so early on would frighten harry, but with her.. it just seems so normal. he can talk about their nonexistent babies and actually picture their family; curly brown haired babies with harrys green eyes but their mothers face.

“me? y’know your gonna be much worse. i can already see you freaking out.” she tiredly laughs, images of harry frightened when her water breaks, or when their baby takes a small little tumble that wouldn’t leave more than just a tiny scratch.

harry laughs, “your not completely wrong.”

“is bo asleep?” harry asks, watching y/n’s eyes shoot awake. he feels bad, she almost succumbed to her much needed slumber, but harry wasn’t done talking to her.

“umm,” she says, sitting up to look a bo, who is nuzzled comfortably into harrys pillow, soft meows involuntarily leaving her.

“look at her.” y/n coos, moving the camera so harry can see bo.

“awhh, she’s adorable. i can’t wait to meet her. will you send me photos?” harry says. as soon as he’s up tomorrow, he’s gonna show all the crew members their newest addition.

“mhmm.. i already have a photo album for her.”

her words are lazier, indicating harry should let her sleep now, much to his dissatisfaction.

“alright baby, it’s been good talking to you, but I think you need to sleep now.” harry smiles, causing y/n to groan, “m’sorry i couldn’t talk long..will you stay on the phone?”

harry shakes his head, “think we both know that only ends with me talking off y’ear love. you can call me when you wake up.” he says.

y/n frowns, but nods. “g’night harry, i love you. bo loves you.”

“night, love you both, sending my kisses.” he says, finally signing off when y/n blows him a kiss.

thank you so much for reading! ☕️ 🤍

requests are always open!

-fic rec masterlist-

[loominggaia]

Been on a rpg craze as of late and looking into game design. It got me thinking about a hypothetical looming gaia ttrpg and what such a game could potentially look like. This is just some of the rough ideas I’ve been able to come up with in imaging how a game based on this lovely world would look like.

•First off I’d think it be a class & level-less game. Player characters not being restricted to rigid arbitrary archetypes nor advancing into unkillable Demi-gods after afew sessions. Instead the game is more grounded, success and failure being based on the players skills/ planning/ and abit of luck. Things like Attributes and Hp being finite and not easily improved, it being easy to lose your character by being stupid and reckless. 

•Design wise I’d say that a more character & narrative based approach is best. The gameplay focusing heavily around the lives and daily struggles of the PC’s, not combating world ending threats or larger than life horrors. While combat and exploitation is a part it’s not the main focus, being more than capable of running a slice of life game as it could a dungeon crawler. 

•Character generation is where I’d imagine the game would really shine. The first major decision you make when building your character being their species & nationality, this acting as the basic template you build out from. Each one of these being both narratively & mechanically distinct to encourage replay-ability. 

Species determining your starting stats and abilities, of which you can select all of the 15 core species. Commoner/ fae/ & gaian act as a meta-mechanics that apply to all species under it, like for example all commoners cannot become spellcasters/ fae suffer extra damage from iron weapons/ or gaians rolling deception & insight checks at disadvantage. 

Stats and mechanics are based on the biological capabilities of each species, only being able to modify their stats within their species perimeters. Only the commoner/ fae/ & gaian ancestries are available in the base game. Nymph’s & monsters being unplayable until an expansion comes along and adds character options for them. Afflictions can also be purchased to add extra challange for those players who want it. 

Nationality determines things like your skills/ starting gear and other background details based on which of the great kingdoms (if any) your character comes from. For example a zareenite character will have a boost to technology skills and may start with a small electronic device. Species & nationality combos also effect eachother, so a pc whos an evanglite human will have a major advantage over an evanglite elf and so on. 

Once you determine these two, a point buy system is used to build up the rest of your character. Buying various modifications and extra skills/ receiving various advantages and disadvantages/ and so on that flesh your character out. 

•Magic would definitely follow a more spellcheck/ spell-points based system. Only fae or gaian ancestries having access to spellcasting and need to learn spells organically via finding tutors or Grimoires containing it. Mage pcs having to both pay magic points and succeed a spell check to successfully cast a spell, having a large range of both success & failures to represent the chaotic randomness of magic. 

•As for enemy variation I can imagine quite girthy table of monster generators & build options to create all manor of terrifying and unique monsters. 

•A distinct mechanic I can imagine is that of “regional reputation”, where what your character is greatly determines how your gameplay experience will be in each in game region. Having special mechanical buffs or debilitations depending on how people of your characters demographic are viewed. Matuzu would overall have the least effects due to its liberal and accepting culture, whereas other kingdoms can be hostile to your pc’s and extra challenge. A red elf pc starting in damajani won’t have too much difficulty, whereas a human pc in seelie will have to face hostility from npc’s and face heavy penalties for most basic actions. This forming unique stories and once again in challenges your characters can overcome and encourage players to make multiple characters of varying types to explore everything the game has to offer. 

This is so good, I love stuff like this! There has been some discussion of a Looming Gaia-themed games on the blog before and people have come up with a lot of fantastic ideas. A number of folks have told me they've run LG-themed tabletop gaming sessions or cherrypicked critters and characters from its lore to use in existing worlds.

I'm not super familiar with these types of games myself, but I have so much respect for all the worldbuilding and creativity that goes into them. Thank you for sharing this! I bet someone can incorporate these ideas into their next gaming session!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[pomrania]

Okay, I've had a full night's sleep, I'm awake; I still just want to close my eyes, but that's because of allergies and not fatigue, so let's get going again. I left off after the Rebellious Arts, and I wrote some notes for myself (I read the rest of the thing before going to bed), but it's semi-incoherent so I won't be relying on that.

"Fortunately, God-eater anatomy is not obligated to be in any way plausible." This made me giggle. You're having FUN with this, aren't you.

That Random Features table will be useful to SO many things other than just characters for this game.

Under Random Creed, I'm genuinely not sure whether "abstruse" is a word [EDIT: firefox spellcheck considers it to be a word], and if so, if it's the right word. Because I know that SOMETHING, with a similar shape, is the word an would fit in context, but it's not a word I'm very familiar with so this MIGHT be the right word, it might NOT be the right word, I just don't know. Boils down to "look it up and see if it's what you're thinking of or not". "Abstruse" shows up in the next paragraph after the table too; noting this out because if it's the wrong word, it'll have to be changed (and if it's the right word, it's not like it costs me anything to put it here).

Okay, I'm like 80% sure that "learning the true names of other characters" was NOT in fact discussed under 'running the game', but I'll find out when I get to there. [EDIT: Indeed, it was not discussed. It wasn’t even MENTIONED; that’ll need to be fixed. At the very least, put it under “things for future versions”.]

...wait is "miscellanea" a word? [EDIT: firefox spellcheck doesn’t think so, but that also doesn’t think that “bioluminescent” is a word either, so I’m not going to go off of that.]

I love that bit about pronouns, it just makes so much SENSE.

Okay, from "the consequences of choosing an inappropriate approach simply because it gives the biggest number are their own reward", I gather that it was NOT intended that a group have a balance of high Facets, but it still should be made explicit in that section, I think.

I'm on 'gathering dice', and it mentions "your own Traits", and were those just the physical ones, or are the high/low Facet ones included in that? This gets sorted under "things that I'm 90% sure are clarified elsewhere in the document, but I read that bit yesterday and don't perfectly remember it, so for ease of understanding it should prolly also be here".

One of those things that are always annoying, but inevitable: we seem to have the same-yet-polar-opposite reactions to the singular of "dice", where it irks you to see it as "dice" not "die", and it irks ME to see it as "die" not "dice". But since I know about this, and about your position on it, I can skip past it as a thing to not be mentioned (and just quietly substitute it for my own preferred form, in my own mind).

You'd said that this section, of how to play the game, was in no particular order; does that imply "I kind of know the organization I want, I just haven't done it yet, and there's some parts yet unwritten which are necessary for how I want it to be", or does it imply "lol iunno about this, it's a problem for future me"? Because if it's the former, then you'd only want feedback on organization if there's something an really sticks out, but if it's the latter, then anything would be helpful.

Typo in the grey box for "assessing calamity points", "your efforts are have" should be "to have".

Hm, was it ever mentioned what Stress limit an NPC is likely to have? I'll see as I keep going. [EDIT: It was not.]

I love how you gain a point of Obstinacy from a failed test; it's just something I always like, failure gaining you resources.

I remember you posting about how you were proud of the "wisdom test" mechanic, and I agree; it's very good. ...I'm thinking, it'd be possible to implement that wholesale into a different system, at least for things where there's not already a mechanic in place (so D&D has Perception and Insight for noticing things, but nothing for "not giving in to mundane social pressure"). I mean you'd first need to have everyone pick a Facet spread an represents their character, but that's a short bit of reading to do, and likely an easy sell. The hardest bit I can trace here, is converting "point of Obstinacy" to something that the other game's system would use, so that it's not overpowered but it's still worthwhile.

Typo in "on a success", where it says "msy" instead of "may".

Under Range, it seems like they all assume a relatively open environment; how does it get interpreted if you're in like a dense forest, or a building with lots of corridors? Or do you go by the "near enough to XYZ" guidelines in those cases; because if I'm separated from someone by a wall and the door is on the other side of the room, I can neither slap them nor throw a rock at them, I can only shout at them. (Unless I've a way to break through the wall.)

Okay, so "effortful" doesn't require expending any resource, but you can only have one going at a time. That's good to know, and makes sense.

The "mitigating Stress" concept isn't quite clicking for me, but I can't isolate any particular phrase that's unclear, which prolly means you need to clarify it, in some manner. Or maybe it just means that allergies have addled my brain in the PRECISE area which would normally allow me to understand it perfectly.

Typo in the third paragraph under "stressing out", it says "equivlent" instead of "equivalent".

So you reset to one point of Obstinacy when you recover from being Stressed Out, and it explicitly says that you can return to play with MORE points than before; but does it go the other way as well? Like, if you had three points, then Stress Out, then recover, do you essentially lose those two "extra" points? Should be made explicit either way.

Typo under "Obstinacy and the Rebellious Arts", "resource with represents" should be "which", I believe.

"Recovering Obstinacy", that same thing I mentioned about "reset to one point", and the answer should be put here as well.

"your inventory slots are as much a representation of your God-eater's ability to keep track of their stuff as they are of pure carrying capacity", okay that gives me an idea. For a Trait, or an Art, or something; where the character always has a lot of random stuff on them, but if they invoke [whatever it is], they can declare that they just happen to have whatever it is that they needed. Or I suppose, that they're able to FIND it when rummaging through their pockets or whatever.

First sentence of 'Catalysts', missing the "a" before "single-use". You should prolly also say at the start of the section that it's potentially-temporary potentially-permanent; also, mentioning that these exists, in the earlier section about "changing Traits".

"Position and Effect", I think "hands-off" should have a hyphen to it.

Point two, in the same section, has a typo; "acheiving" instead of "achieving".

I really love how "how bad an idea is this" and "how useful will it be if it works" are a) both included and b) independent of each other.

Typo under Calamity Threshold, "calamilty".

The description for Calamity Threshold 5+ doesn't seem to match with how it's been described, as that refers to "the potential to make things worse", which isn't how I interpret "already being in a bad situation".

In 'Trading Position for Effect', the identity of the second-person pronoun bounces between "player" and "GM", and a future pass should prolly keep it consistent; if not throughout the supersection, at least within a single heading.

'Reduced Effect', how is "using the same approach" defined? Same Facet, same type of doing a thing, both together, what?

...the future example NPCs, can they PLEASE be thinly-veiled cartoon characters? Like, not even "we changed the name to something similar", just accurately describing them and not explicitly stating what they look like or what their name is.

"It's usually impossible to remove a location from play except by leaving it", now that's the sign of an experienced gamer, that you've put the "usually" in. Because it is ABSOLUTELY possible to do, with enough effort and/or luck (good or bad).

So, that's me having gone through the playtest draft. If it didn't show, my other reblog, of the first half, is here.

The full playtest draft of Eat God is up. For those just joining us, I'll let the document's own intro do the talking:

---

Eat God is a game where you take on the role of a small gremlin-like creature. Though you're just as much a person as anybody else, the setting's dominant human culture tends to regard your kind as clever vermin, which means you don't get a lot of respect – but it also means you usually aren't seen as a threat, which may occasionally work to your advantage.

Unfortunately for the people in charge, you're not just any clever vermin: you and your companions are God-eaters, wandering practitioners of an esoteric discipline – part existential philosophy, part martial art – which affords you a limited capacity to bend the laws of reality to your will. As its name suggests, the God-eater's creed also has serious objections to authority in all its forms.

In a typical session of Eat God, you and your friends will arrive in a community that's suffering under some abuse of power, and proceed to cause problems on purpose. Owing to your limited outsider's perspective, your efforts may not necessarily help, but they'll definitely ensure that those responsible have a bad time. Actual theophagy may or may not be involved, depending on the situation at hand.

---

... or, for those not inclined to read between the lines, you're a bunch of muppets with Looney Tunes super powers wandering around a gritty fantasy milieu stirring shit up.

This is a little less finished than I prefer my first drafts to be, but I'm sixty pages deep and well and truly sick of filling out d66 tables – it's time to get it in front of eyes that aren't mine!

If you're coming in from the previous character creation teaser, revisions in this version (apart from, you know, the actual rules being present) include expanded treatment of Facets, minor rewrites to several Traits, major rewrites to at least a couple Rebellious Arts, and at least four entirely new d66 tables to play with.

You can find the link above, or right here.

As always, questions, criticisms, and bizarre rants are welcome!

[hislittleraincloud]

Children.

You need to fucking run your fics through the appropriate tech checks before you publish your shit.

Yeah, I get that some of you aren't EPL (English Primary Lang). But that doesn't mean your fucking writing program is, or that you can't translate it then run it through.

My gods. If you want to sell me a shitty WFJ story with fkn multiple Jennas in it bc you are obsessed with your fantasies, then you better make it as smooth a ride as possible. I know you're all fkn virgins (most of the writers are, apparently, according to a poll a little while back), but don't let that fucking extend to your Spellcheck & Grammar function.

However, I think that ultimately it might be the dialogue that rips me out of everything. It's the terrible goddamn dialogue. I just cannot read Cairo with completely AU characters, because y'all can't fucking write it. You want people who aren't braindead obsessed with fucking Ortega to read it? Or do you just want to rub n' shoot with others who're rubbin' and shootin', because a quick, shitty fuck is better than no fuck at all? Cairo would have a field day in a critique with y'all, and it would end up a big, bloody mess where y'all would be running to the bathroom in tears. (Or maybe that would be Wednesday, since she doesn't give two fucks. But I feel like the reason Cairo has only one friend is probably more than just her being a typical loner. Both have competitive superiority complexes, so when unleashed on those whose skills are lesser in a competitive arena, they are both likely reach for the heart of their enemies...Wednesday with Bianca (and Sheriff Galpin to a degree), Cairo with Jon and Winnie.)

But I'm starting to whine about content rather than tech specs, so. Do better if you're writing wild AUs. Actually, do the least that is expected of you as an author.

Ugh, speaking of checking shit, people who write articles about RPF need to understand the difference between historical fiction, self-insert/Mary Sueing, and RPF. There are differences. Pretty big ones, even if the genres can overlap/intersect in places.

ETA: I tried to force myself to keep reading it.

Nope, nope, nope to the nope.

CAIRO DOES NOT HAVE HAZEL EYES. DO THESE LOOK FUCKING HAZEL TO YOU? NO. THEY NEVER HAVE.

There is no reasoning given for this change...none. 🤦🏽‍♂️ She's never worn contacts for her roles because people love her big, obsidian-dark eyes. It's dark, dark brown, almost black. I have the exact same eye color. Yay Mexicans!

*GASP* an EYE reveal 🫠 Sorry about the scary Orwellian BIG BROTHER pose, but it seems that no matter how I take a pic to show my eye color, my brows furrow when I'm looking at the camera. Or at you, oh she who writes less than her potential.

For the love of all that's holy, stop. 😭 Or at least GET a second opinion for edits before you publish, preferably by someone who you will be expecting tech wreck from. Not active authors, because we're too busy...but active readers who can take the time to help you run through bad tech (spelling, typos, some grammar) and through spec check (specs = character consistency with canonical aspects you're trying to achieve, but if it's totally AU this isn't a priority, obvs.).

There's a culture going on right now where people can't critique others' works without being seen as meanie or anti. You all get rubber stamped on your creations at AO3 because no one is able to offer meaningful critique, and that means being able to take criticism. Not everyone's writing is great, or even good for that matter. I'm not perfect either, but at least I can do the bare minimum for the readers. But Tor, that's how we prac —

If you keep writing the same shitty, un-edited stuff over and over again, that's not practicing to write better. That's spewing sub-par 💩 for fleeting wet fantasies.

Write your shit, whatever it may be, but god damn, respect your readers a little more but moreover, respect yourself as a writer enough to want to publish something that isn't riddled with easy fixes.

[0thsense]

11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

[spacedykez]

your terror's on display

Branzy's never told anyone how his horn got broken. But Clown deserves to know. It's not very pleasant, reliving the memory.

cw: blood | ao3 link | wc 1554 notes: one, this fic is inspired by @felicityphoenix5's branzy design. and two, it is late i am tired i threw it through spellcheck but i do not have the energy to edit rn. should i wait? yes. but there's a fun lil thing called impulse control that i do not have /lh

Branzy hums softly as Clown runs a hand through his hair. He’s curled up on Clown’s lap, resting his head against Clown’s chest and closing his eyes in contentment.

Clown frowns slightly and his hand pauses, moving to dance gently over Branzy’s jagged, broken horn. “How did this happen, violet?”

Branzy shudders at the mention. He hasn’t told Clown about it- he doesn’t particularly want to relive the memory. “Don’ wanna talk ‘bout it,” he says sleepily, turning his face into Clown. Clown doesn’t push further, but Branzy knows he owes his boyfriend an explanation.

He closes his eyes and lets them sit in comfortable silence for several minutes more, simply basking in the warmth of Clown. But he knows Clown’s dying to ask him about it, and eventually he’s going to have to tell him.

He sighs and opens his eyes, looking up into Clown’s. They’re the red of hearts, of love and of blood. They’re fitting for him.

“I’ll tell you what happened,” Branzy mumbles, and Clown’s eyes widen. 

“You don’t need to, really,” he assures him, but Branzy shakes his head.

“You should… you should know.”

Branzy has his back turned when it happens. He can’t see it coming, doesn’t know what’s happening. Now until a sword is digging into his horn and he’s screaming.

“I didn’t… I didn’t even know who it was. I don’t think they meant to-”

“Are you sure you can tell the story, hyacinth?”

A beat. Branzy gathers his composure and nods.

“Yeah.”

Branzy whirls around to see an invisible player swinging a bloodstained sword at him a second time. He lets out a yelp and dodges sideways, but not quickly enough. The sword misses him, mostly, but a sudden flash of pain in his ear tells him he hasn’t escaped unscathed.

Branzy shudders at the memory, and Clown runs a hand along his cheek, lifting Branzy’s head until their eyes meet. “You can stop at any time.”

“I know. But you deserve to hear it.”

“I don’t need to hear it if it means you’ll be upset.”

“It’s alright.”

Hot blood trickles down along his ear and his horn in little rivulets that dye his white hair a ruby-red. After far too long, Branzy remembers to raise his own sword in defense, but the damage has already been done.

Clown sighs, eyes narrowing in anger. He’s quick to reassure Branzy that it’s not directed at him.

“I’m going to hunt them down-”

“It was months ago, Clown, and I don’t even know who it was.”

“I’ll hunt every last player until I find who did it.”

“As sweet as that is, I think it’s a bit extra-”

“I’m a bit extra, lavender.”

Nobody notices Branzy slipping away from the fight. They probably all assume he’s died, like he always does. They all know he’s an awful fighter. He’s absolutely worthless-

“You’re not worthless to me, lavender,” Clown frowns, and Branzy stares wordlessly at some point on the ground, where scarlet tulips sway in the slight breeze. 

Branzy heard a story, once, that all tulips were white until one day when there was a great battle between gods. Blood rained from the sky, soaking into the flowers, and the tulips still bloom red to this day.

Branzy wishes his death would at least be half as glorious as that. But Branzy’s not a firework. He won’t go out in a bright, shining show of colors. He’s more like a candle, slowly burning himself down until eventually he’ll flicker out, making no sound. No one will even notice when his light finally fades.

“Why do you keep me alive?” Branzy asks. He doesn’t want to die, but he doesn’t see why Clown hasn’t killed him yet.

“Because I love you,” Clown answers easily, without a thought. It’s a terrifying thought, that the only thing keeping him alive is love. But then, Branzy has always loved the thrill of a romance that could end at any time, and bring the world crashing down with it. 

Branzy sneaks off into the forest, high on pain and adrenaline. He leans against a wide oak and lets out a shaky laugh, the only thing he can manage. It’s not the reaction you’d expect, especially not when heat is pulsing from his chipped horn and ear, but Branzy hasn’t survived by being predictable. 

Clown tilts his head in contemplation. “You said your horn was only chipped.”

“Yeah, it got broken in the next fight. That one was… not my best moment.”

“You don’t know who did it?” Clown muses. Branzy knows what he’s trying to do, but you can’t out-trick a trickster.

Branzy doesn’t offer a reply, simply continuing with the story.

He’s not expecting a fight the very next day. All he’s doing is walking along a path near spawn. He doesn’t even remember why. The reason was never very important. However it happens, he knows what happens next. An axe held to his face is very hard to forget.

Branzy blinks in surprise and follows the axe blade until he sees who’s holding it. And that is… not who he’d expect. Branzy didn’t pin him as the type to get revenge. But even this guy’s a better fighter than Branzy, so it makes sense.

“Why are you hiding their identity from me?” Clown demands. Branzy swallows; it’s quite the risk to lie so openly to Clown. 

“I don’t want you to kill them,” Branzy answers. He doesn’t blame them for what they did; he would have gotten payback on himself (although that didn’t make the pure agony go away).

“Branzy, they broke your horn.”

“I had it coming, and-”

“What could you possibly have done to deserve that!?” Clown sighs. Branzy flinches involuntarily, nearly jumping out of Clown’s arms. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to yell at you, violet.”

Branzy smiles halfheartedly in response and offers a meek reply. “That’s okay.”

It’s not, really. They don’t mention it.

“You betrayed me, Branzy.”

“It was a misunderstanding, really-” Branzy chuckles nervously, backing away from the axe. His attacker steps forward, matching pace.

“I don’t think you understand. You betrayed me.”

Branzy feels his heart begin to race as he realizes that he could die here, to the hands of one of the few people he cares about-

“Someone you care about?” Clown comments, raising an eyebrow. Branzy curses internally. That slip-up alone narrows down the options to a very small group of people.

“Clown, please-” 

“Nobody hurts you and gets away with it, darling.”

Branzy appreciates the sentiment, really he does. But he doesn’t want Clown killing the one of the only friends he has left.

“I’m sure we can talk about it-”

“No, Branzy. We’re way past talking.”

Branzy has no time to do anything but duck down and hope as the axe is swung. He can hear the whooshing of the weapon going over his head, thankfully missing him.

Or so he thinks, until he’s crumpling to the ground in agony, and his head is lighter. He doesn’t realize what it is, at first, until he feels blood streaming down his head and dripping down onto his face, obscuring his vision in one eye.

Clown winces, inhaling in a sharp gasp. Of all people, he knows how painful horn injuries are. They’re quite literally exposed bones.

Branzy trembles at the memory- blood, so, so much BLOOD- and Clown grabs his chin, tilting Branzy’s face upwards. “Branzy?” he questions. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Branzy says unconvincingly, refusing to meet Clown’s eyes. He’s fairly sure he’ll start crying again, and he doesn’t want to deal with that.

“Look at me,” Clown says gently, kindly. Branzy refuses, and Clown releases his grip on Branzy’s face. Instead he presses a kiss to Branzy’s ear.

Branzy blushes and begins to stammer out the next part of the story, still avoiding meeting Clown’s eyes.

Branzy hears a cut-off curse from his enemy. He’s completely at the mercy of his attacker now, in no state to fight back. 

“Branzy? Oh my gosh, I didn’t mean to hurt you that badly-” There’s a hint of regret in his voice as he says Branzy’s name. Branzy doesn’t know how the guy had thought Branzy wouldn’t be hurt, but that’s a problem for another time.

Branzy doesn’t reply to his words. He-

-feels himself beginning to cry. His horn has healed since then, but he still doesn’t want to relive the memory. He should have known this would happen, that he couldn’t handle it-

“Branzy? Branzy, violet, can you look at me?”

Branzy shakes in Clown’s arms, offering no reply. The tip of his broken horn brushes Clown slightly and he jumps. Clown’s grip on him tightens- he’s trapped, Branzy’s trapped, Clown’s going to-

“Branzy! I’m not going to hurt you!”

That’s what they all say, isn’t it? That’s what they say before- before they-

“Branzy!”

It’s Clown. He’s okay. He’s safe; Clown won’t hurt him. 

Branzy finally lets himself breathe. “Thank you, Clown,” he murmurs.

“Your horn wasn’t the only thing they broke, was it?” Clown whispers. He doesn’t sound like he’s expecting one, but Branzy nods anyway. Clown kisses Branzy’s hair again and Branzy drifts away, slowly falling into sleep.

Clown smiles down at his boyfriend. Whatever they’d broken, he’ll be the one to fix it.

[multiplefandomsblog]

request; Shuichi and his fem!s/o take each other virginity?

pairing(s); shuichi x AFAB! reader

warnings; post-game saihara, saihara has some PTSD from the killing game but it is not heavily mentioned, cussing AFAB! reader, soft dom! Shuichi, vanilla-ish, intense kissing, mention of marriage, hurt/comfort-ish?, angst-ish?, petty arguments, sexual frustration, they both losing their v-card, shuichi picks you up, shuichi reads porn mags but not elaborated here, established relationship, they've been dating 6 months btw, they're living together, cyring, begging, accidental overstimulation, self-indulgent, irresponsible and unprotected sex(always wrap it before you tap it you fucking idiots), unedited but used spellcheck. OKAY I KNOW 6 MONTHS IS REALLY SHORT AND I HAD A DIFFERENT IDEA IN MIND BUT I JUST DBHSBJHSBD IM SORRY THIS IS JUST SUPER MESSY

note; i rushed the end and this is kind of garbage(god please don't read this), but here's a few songs that i listened to while writing this;

505 - Arctic Monkeys & Cute Panties Soaked In Arizona Iced Tea - Sewer//Slvt & a bunch others idk

wc; 5.8k+

You both dabbled in the idea of having sex, having shared mutual trust and desire for each other within the early stages of your love-filled relationship.

Even so, the obvious statements were left unsaid, and the obvious desire you both have for each other’s bodies had been left alone, never to be picked up again.

Now don’t underestimate yourself, there would be some not-so-rare make-out sessions when you both got into the mood and made sure to give each other ‘the look’, but they’d always end in Shuichi stiffening up and asking if you’d like to stop.

And like an idiot, you had always said the same goddamn thing, the opposite of what you wanted to say. “Sure, y- yeah.” Always praying he wouldn’t hear the disappointment in your voice. You didn’t want him to be upset that you wanted to continue, because wouldn’t that just be selfish of you?

Your prayers always seemed to be answered anyway, though mostly carried by Shuichi’s helplessly obvious nature; he ate it all up.

But maybe you should’ve been praying for the opposite because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Maybe it was the stress from the fact that Shuichi’s boss yelled at him today, maybe it was from the fact that he had one of his colleagues accidentally file one of the most important cases, improperly, maybe it was because you both hadn’t fucked in 6 months.

Well, whatever it was, it had Shuichi fuming.

“This? Again?” Shuichi sighed in an attempt to calm himself, his face lacking the patience it usually held.

“What do you mean ‘again’!? I’ve told you this, tons of times before!” To be fair, you had no idea why you had been so angry either, but before you could even think or hold yourself back, random arguments you truly never cared about had been brought up.

What the hell were you two even fighting about?

Despite your mind screaming at you to stop, your mouth continued to act first. “God, why don’t you ever listen to me? You know, sometimes it seriously just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall when I talk to you.” That wasn’t true.

“Is that right?” He didn’t know what came over him. “Well, if we’re talking about our talking habits, I think you sometimes talk too much; it’s hard to keep track of what you’re saying sometimes, and it just- it brings me a headache…!” That wasn’t true either; he was a detective, he listened to every single detail you spoke out from those beautiful lips. Shuichi would listen as intently as he would during an investigation as he gathered information from perps.

But you didn’t know that. You had been too busy reeling from his previous statement to remember all the nice moments you had before this. His words felt like acid on your palpitating heart. Did you talk that much?

You gulped, lip trembling without your consent. “Y- yeah?”

No, I didn’t mean any of it. Please don’t look at me like that. “... Yeah.” Shuichi averted his eyes as he lied for no good reason.

You nodded in feigned indifference, chewing the inside of your cheek as you attempted to walk past him and outside the kitchen — to which he immediately stopped you, an urgency laced within his actions. Sudden anxiety wracked his body, and images of the previous executions flashed in his mind.

You couldn’t go.

With his eyes wide in a slight panic, they narrowed back to their normal width as he took a deep breath, pulling you towards him and suddenly pushing his lips on yours. “Shu-” he blanketed any open space for noise to escape through with his lips, kissing you with desperation you’ve never witnessed firsthand.

Despite your internal concern for him, your hands slipped up his shoulders to the back of his neck, pushing him closer to you than he already was on instinct.

Okay… This was okay. It was better than fighting, that was for sure.

You were confused by the sudden display of physician affection, but you could only get a little of you to care; you missed him. It had only been 5 minutes into the fight, yet you had been pulling him close like you hadn’t seen him in a year. Luckily for both you and him, he missed you too. He didn’t like fights. Especially not meaningless ones like these.

You both didn’t know how, nor when, but before you knew it, you had been sitting atop the kitchen counter, legs wrapped tightly around Shuichi’s waist as his hands gripped yours. A familiar, heavy feeling of arousal pooled up at your stomach, remaining there like an itch you knew only Shuichi could scratch. Shuichi was comfortably close for you to somewhat feel his phone poke at your thigh, but even so, not close enough. Clothes started to feel restricting, and you both shared the same need to just tear them off, but

—

“S/o,” he muffled on your lips, trying his best to try and pull away from your captivating lips on his, though it was incredibly hard with those velvety lips of yours.

“S/o!” The bad feeling in his stomach grew, and he suddenly realized it had been because he didn’t want such a special moment for the two of you, to be spoiled by a petty fight neither of you would remember in a few days. He didn’t want your shared story to be an argument that leads to sex. Call him a hopeless romantic but, that simply didn’t sit right with him.

Shuichi pulled away abruptly, apologizing under his breath as he avoided eye contact with a slightly puzzled you. “I…” He started nervously, gently nestling his forehead atop your beating heart in an attempt to self-soothe himself.

"I don’t want us to finally, um, do... This out of- of anger and- S/o, you have to know that I love you so much and that I-” That wasn’t what he meant to say, it didn’t come out right, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of what he had originally planned to say. His mind was jumbled, words weren’t good enough for him anymore. Shuichi began to prick small unwanted tears at the corner of his eyes as he rambled with sincere intention.

“I don’t want to look back at this day and- Or what if you regr-”

You shook your head frantically before he could finish his sentence, gentle fingertips tapping the underside of his head as you urged him to look into your eyes. You sighed fondly as you swam in those pools of liquid gold, a small, assuring smile contorting onto your face.

“It’s okay, I know, I know you didn’t mean it.” You took another breath as you continued, a deeper inhale. “And I know what you mean but, Shuichi I… No matter what, I could never regret a single thing with you,” His hands tightened around you.

“And frankly, it doesn’t matter how we ended up… Doing this with each other.” It was kind of funny how you both couldn't say the word 'sex'. A three-letter word that may have seemed terrifying to the two of you back then, started to gradually lose its intimidation factor.

“Because as long as you love me, and I love you, that’s all that will matter.” You lightly laughed at how sappy you sounded; wondering if you’d be this romantic when reciting your vows.

You two weren't even married.

But Shuichi would be lying through his teeth if he said he hadn't visualized you in a veil; and wow, did you look amazing.

Shuichi paused, gazing up at you with intense affection, and love for you. You could feel your cheeks heat up from how intently he gazed at you, you couldn't help but slightly shrink underneath his gaze.

Without missing another beat, Shuichi suddenly broke the gaze, and wrapped his arms underneath your bottom, picking you up with a concealed struggle. He'd have thought spending most of his time typing in that office, would give him some sort of arm strength.

Well, you'd find out later, wouldn't you?

Making his way to the bedroom carefully, Shuichi gently set you down on your back, trapping you in between his arms and locking his lips back onto yours soft and slowly, unlike his last pecks.

You could feel your heart rate speed up as he started to run his hand underneath the thin material of your top, and despite the rising anxiousness itching at you, the feeling of love and anticipation easily overpowered the feeling — though not completely.

For a split second, Shuichi pulled away to pull your shirt up and over your head, and the moment his loving, eager golden eyes found their way back to you, he swore he almost suffered a cardiac arrest on the spot.

With your hands resting beside your head, lips swollen and exposed chest heaving; he thought you looked like the most stunning human being that had ever graced this earth.

And he wasted no time showing you how he felt.

Quickly stripping himself of his shirt, you watched in slight amusement as he struggled to throw the material across his room, his eagerness becoming his enemy. He felt the mattress slightly dip and inflate, though he couldn't see anything as his vision was obstructed. Shuichi — despite having a feeling you had sat up and was probably going to help — didn't want to submit into his embarrassment just yet. He could take off his shirts, and he was going to prove it-

His eyes clenched shut in frustration, suddenly shot open as he felt a cool breeze hit his warm face, as well as the sound of quiet laughter.

"C- come on, don't laugh...!" Shuichi complained half-heartedly.

You grinned. "Sorry, sorry," You raised your hands in defence, taken by surprise as

Shuichi pinned the same hands back onto the bed, playfully pecking your face all over before moving down the valley of your neck and collarbone.

You did your absolute best to not laugh as Shuichi had told you to, but you couldn't prevent the huge, goofy smile that broke out on your face. The euphoria of having someone you truly love and trust, showering you with affection, combined with the ticklish feeling of his slightly chapped lips on your neck, had caused you to giggle.

"Is it- Is it really that funny?" Shuichi grumbled, kisses turning into gentle bites as he wanted to get you to make noises that weren't giggles; not that he didn't adore the sound.

Just not in this situation, nor position.

"It's not, I-" You snorted, "I promise! I just, I feel really, really happy right now." You admitted in between laughter.

You felt Shuichi pause against your neck, and your laughter died down as you wondered if you did something wrong.

"Shuichi-?" You squeaked as you felt his warm breath and kisses travel quickly towards your stomach, right above where you wanted it most. You could feel your face heat up, as well as your core, from the mere puff of air.

Your excitement slowly turned to dread as you felt his hands slowly slide down to the waistband of your pants, and without realizing it, you stiffened up. You felt slightly guilty of your reaction; you wanted this, right? You were so excited a moment ago, where did it go? The logical part of you didn't seem to want to chime in and say, 'It's a natural reaction!'

So you settled for chewing your lip in an attempt to distract yourself from the heart-wrenching guilt.

The action hadn't gone unnoticed by Shuichi; he knew that habit all too well. It was a nervous habit, quite often in many people, but it always seemed to drive Shuichi crazy when you did it. He never noticed when others did, as he was constantly too busy staring straight at you like a boy with a hopeless crush.

But look at him now.

Shuichi from 6 months ago probably wouldn't believe the Post-Shuichi, that he had got the chance to be your boyfriend, let alone share such an intimate moment with someone as special as you.

"Hey, look at me," He grinned gently as he caught your attention.

"It's... It's just me here. You don't have to worry, or be nervous because I'm right here, and I... I'll love you no matter what." It was hypocritical to say, as his hands had practically been quivering beyond his control, but he spoke the sincere truth for you.

He watched in slight anxiousness as you stayed in silent, stunned shock. Shuichi started wondering if he should've said something else-

"O- Okay, yeah, you can- You can, um." You didn't mean to sound so awkward, but you hoped the slight eagerness laced in your voice made the message clear enough for him.

Shuichi slipped his thumbs underneath the waistband of your pants, golden eyes focused entirely on your face as to detect any discomfort.

Seeing none, he slipped the rest of it off, growing excited yet also nervous as he saw you for the first time. "You're soaked..." He uttered underneath his breath in stunned awe, unwillingly causing you to jerk your legs shut.

And who's fault is that!? You wanted to say that, but in the condition and position you were in right now, it didn't seem very possible nor ideal.

You let out a small whimper as you felt Shuichi gently encourage your legs back open, a small pout on his face as you hadn't given him enough time to savour the visual.

No words were said, and no words were needed as Shuichi communicated his wanton need for your pussy with nothing but his eyes. Captivated and persuaded by his puppy-dog eyes, you hesitantly opened your legs back up, silently gasping as you felt the cold air hit your glossy folds yet again.

Your momentary shock faltered into embarrassed confusion as you caught Shuichi staring at it with a thoughtful gaze. It was strange; you felt like an animal at the zoo up for display to just... Stare at.

But perhaps the most embarrassing thing about the whole thing was the stars in his eyes as he watched you twitch and shudder. “Sh- Shuichi.” You tried to snap him out of his gaze, face growing hotter and hotter as time passed by with him continuing to stare at your impatient pussy.

“I’m just going to… Put one in.”

If there was anything Shuichi had learned from the numerous articles on how to please your partner during sex, is to always prep them.

“Wait, huh-?"

His finger sunk in easily, prodding finger slipping into a pillowy bundle of nerves; it was like heaven on earth for Shuichi, and he wanted to make sure it felt the same for you.

"Hah- Nnnn!”

Your loud moan snapped him out of his trance, and unfortunately, he had reacted a moment too late as his finger had already been knuckle deep.

Experiencing a mini panic attack, guilt overwhelmed his body, and he moved to pull out, only to be caught by surprise as you caught his wrist right before he could.

"N- No...! It's- It's okay, mmngh- Just- just feels good, is all." You were glad you hadn't lost the complete ability to speak yet; because that'd surely be humiliating, wouldn't it?

Shuichi tensed his hand unintentionally, causing you to jolt slightly as you could feel every single movement. Shuichi's eyes widened in realization and guilt at your sudden reaction.

"A-Ah, sorry! I didn't mean to-" He cut himself off, head tilting as you moaned a little too loud for your taste — but not loud enough for his.

Shuichi shifted himself, so his face was hovering over your blissed-out one, slight confusion taking over your features as he seemed to be watching you carefully, almost as if he was expecting something —

With a sharp inhale, you felt your hole swallow in another finger, the pleasure now doubled up. If this is what fingering felt like... Then you'd have to assume the main course felt 5x as good as this, right?

Your hands shot up to his shoulders to dig your nails into, the pleasure finally becoming too much as he started experimentally moving in and out slowly.

Shuichi would've asked, 'Is this okay?' but judging by your moans and pleas for more, he concludes he has his answer.

Running his thumb down your folds, Shuichi decided he would explore your pussy as he continued his slow thrusts in your clenching hole — and what better way to do that than to accidentally brush his fingers against your clit?

You nearly sobbed, climax rising alarmingly close, before dropping as Shuichi continued with his exploration.

"Shuichi! T- There! Right there! Please!" You repeated like a mad man, nearly jolting up if it wasn't for Shuichi's body that loomed over you.

With a confused, but obedient nod of his head, Shuichi tested the waters yet again, eyebrows furrowing as he pressed around in random spots. "Ah!" His eyes widened in slight achievement as he watched you start to violently spazz out the moment he pressed onto a button-like nerve.

"C- Coming, I'm- I'm comin- Ahnn!" Shuichi began roughly circling his thumb over the bundle of nerves, unknown of how sensitive the nerve was, and unknowingly forcing you into overstimulation.

"Sh- Ah- W- Wait!" You stammered, squirming away from his unrelenting hand, unsure as to why it had felt as strong as it felt. "Wait, please!" Shuichi suddenly pulled away from your clit, panic taking over his body yet again as he carefully picked you up and slipped you onto his lap.

"I- I'm sorry...! I didn't... Are you- Are you okay?" He stuttered, eyes wide with concern.

Had he gone too far? Was he missing something? Maybe there was a spot you didn't like?

You shook your head, doing little to assure the rising storm of worry you knew Shuichi would accumulate.

"I- I'm okay, it felt good. I think you just overstimulated me a bit but," You brought your arms around his neck, scooching your partially numb ass over his erection.

"... Not like I didn't like it." You grinned lopsidedly, leaning up to capture his lips into a passionate kiss, one filled to the brim with ever-lasting passion. He wasted no time to reciprocate, face slightly reddening as he groaned from the slightest pressure of your thigh pressing down against his erection.

"Sorry...-" Shuichi slipped in an apology, before quickly being sent back into the depths of your touch.

"Don't be-" You countered, letting one of your hands run down the crevices and nooks of his scrawny chest and stomach, down to trace his faint V-line.

"Mm-" An unplanned moan slipped out, and the blush on his cheeks worsened. He was sensitive, and that was to be expected for a first-timer. Though Shuichi refused to believe it was his sensitivity, but your soft touch.

Jolts of pleasure shot up his spine, and his pants only grew tighter, to the point where his brain was screaming at him to take them off.

Lucky for him, you complied without another thought.

You broke the kiss, resting your forehead against his chest as you hunched over to unbuckle his pants. The breathy and beautiful sounds of Shuichi panting like a dog-in-heat above you only made your fingers work faster. The sound of his zipper being pulled down hit his ears, and his eyes clenched tight shut as he felt a curious hand fiddle with his boxers.

"Can I...?"

He nodded frantically, an adorable eagerness overtaking control of his actions.

As you slipped your hand into the binds of his grey-scale boxers, you weren't sure what you were going to see, or how he would feel once you got your hands on his stiff length.

Shuichi wasn't sure what he was expecting either, but expectations didn't matter when you were with each other, right?

"H- Hnnnn...!"

Well, even so, he sure as hell wasn't expecting his strained whine he let out the moment your hand coiled around the base of his cock. With his whine unintentionally egging you on, you decided to pull it out all the way, curious to see him.

God, if you were to laugh now, he'd probably die.

The truth was, you weren’t sure if you could physically laugh, nor breathe…. Or even speak for that matter. He rendered you speechless, and as he tried to read your expression, he found himself praying the silence was a good thing. Though before the thick, lust-filled air could suffocate you both, you decided to voice your thoughts.

“W- Will that fit…?” Your face was probably as hot as a pizza pocket fresh out of the oven.

Now, you weren’t sure what a real dick looked like; you hadn’t seen one in real life before, so maybe it was average in dick sizes, but you couldn’t help but shudder from uncontrollable excitement combined with the fear of that thing tearing into you.

Shuichi noticed the look of fear on your face, and his instinct kicked in; nervosity and anxiety went as he focused on your needs instead, something he’d always done, to an almost unhealthy point.

You let yourself fall back onto the mattress yet again, your head that had been lost in its own thoughts, hitting the plush pillows as Shuichi softly guided you comfortably down. It seemed only now did you realize you were completely bare to Shuichi, head to toe, naked. What a convenient time.

Shuichi’s T-Shirt struggles couldn’t distract you now, and so there you sat, avoiding eye contact with the worried boy as you shrunk further into yourself. You were ready, you repeated to yourself. But perhaps your true fear had been, was he ready for you?

His voice broke the upsetting silence, and out came the words you didn’t want to hear. “If you’re having doubts, we don’t have to do this today, or ever, for that matter.” Shuichi was so close to you, you could practically hear the sound of his little heart beating unevenly. Your hand subconsciously lifted and set itself on his chest to try and feel the small hum and vibration of his heart, and for a second you almost forgot what he had asked.

“I… Shuichi, I want this but,” You weren’t sure how to explain, and a part of you wished he could just read your mind and tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. But relationships weren’t that easy.

“I… What if I dissatisfy you? Like, what if I’m too small, or too loose, or- or what if how I look impacts the experience; are you sure you want to have your very first time with someone like me? Like-” Shuichi cut you off with his lips, the desire for you to stop talking about things that would never happen, as well as the desire to kiss you, combining into this moment.

The man wore an expression of pure earnestness; the confidence he had almost scared you. “I love you so much, and none of that matters to me. I promise you, none of that will ever happen.” His voice was heartbreakingly sincere, to the point where you felt guilty for doubting him.

He, honest to god, understood how you felt completely. Shuichi was afraid he would cum too early, or if he wasn’t long enough, or girthy enough- He was terrified of ruining your first experience with him, he just didn’t want to look the emotion because he was afraid diffidence wasn’t sexy.

Maybe it was ridiculous, but to be fair, your assumption of yourself dissatisfying him was even more so.

Not trusting your own voice to speak, you simply averted your eyes and nodded, exhaling slowly as you tried to push your doubts away. Shuichi followed your gaze, using a gentle hand to tilt your head back to face him, wanting you to look at him as he finally puts it in.

“I’ll go… really slow, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop, okay baby?” You went beet red at the new pet name, but before you could counter his sneaky remark, your voice and breath were stolen from you as you felt something warm throb at your entrance. Was that his —

“Sh- Shit...!” You hissed, eyes clenching tightly shut to conceal the small tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. You were right, it was going to hurt.

Shuichi had only slipped in the tip of his cock, marvelling at how easily it sunk in at fault to your slick. He bit back several low moans that threatened to spill out of his mouth, God, you felt so warm inside. Perhaps it was a gross thought, but Shuichi hadn’t exactly been thinking anymore, eyes clouded and nearly crossed from the intense, foreign but pleasing feeling.

“H- How does It feel this good…?” He slipped quietly to himself, eyes lidded as he lost himself in your embrace.

Gulping harshly, he stilled his hips and tore his eyes away from your walls that hugged him so snugly, shifting his attention instead to your pained expression. With a hushed and strained voice, Shuichi voiced several shy but sincere praises and assurances.

His bony hands travelled up from your hips, to lace your hands, fingers shakily lacing your fingers together. Shuichi found himself sighing in relief as he could feel your stiffness slipping away, squeezing your hand as a reminder that he was proud of you for it.

“Do you want me to move?” Shuichi asked, worried eyes darting to your concealed ones.

You pursed your lips, hesitating to shake your head no. You knew they couldn’t stay like that forever — Well, Shuichi probably would’ve if you told him to, but you couldn’t do that to him. Then again, you were still trying to get used to the painful yet filling intrusion in between your legs.

You were on a mental crossroad, unsure of what to say in response to such a simple question. And great, now you left him too long without a reply; the poor guy was just laying there. You could hear your brain screaming at you to just say something! Just fucking say something-!

Shuichi noticed your slight discomforted expression, as well as feeling you tense underneath him. A light bulb went off in his head as he thought of a way to make it all better, and he opened his mouth to speak once again.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, just um… Just trust me, okay?” You felt him squeeze your hands again, to which you squeezed back, voice caught in your throat.

You trusted him, of course, you did. What if he didn't know how much you trusted him? You would put your entire life in his hands, you would jump off a cliff if he told you it was safe.

Your lifeline spoke up again, "Take a deep breath and then exhale at three. R- Ready?"

You nodded, taking the deepest breath you could.

"One," Shuichi whispered.

"Two," You felt your shoulders relaxing.

"Three." As soon as your entire body sunk into the sheets, relaxing completely, he sunk the rest of his length inside you, pushing harshly against your hands pinned on the bed for leverage. Shuichi had been holding his breath as to not moan too loud, despite the foreign feeling, it almost felt like it was meant to be like this. Would it be cheesy if he thought fucking you was his destiny?

You gasped sharply, eyes shooting open as your jaw dropped, silent screams escaping your mouth as your back arched into him.

"Ah- Ah!" Your strained moans grew louder as the stretch finally registered within you. A bead of sweat formed on your forehead as you squeezed his hands tightly, wanting to pull him closer.

Shuichi didn't say anything, biting down on his lip and nearly drawing blood as he bottomed out, his balls clapping gently on the tender skin of your ass.

You couldn't help but whine uncontrollably the feeling being too much. You could feel everything. The small curve of his perfect cock, the feeling of his tip pulsating into your walls and every goddamn accidental shift of his Shuichi’s hips.

With his hips pressed as close as they could be against yours, you had no choice but to wrap your legs around his waist, heels bumping against his tail bone as you did such.

Everything seemed to slow after a couple of seconds filled with breathy silence, your heart rate slowing down as well. The stretch remained, but the pain slowly melted away with every exhale you took, pleasure and need overtaking it instead. “Sh- Shuichi.” After hearing your voice so brittle, Shuichi lifted his head from your shoulder in urgency and concern. “Y- Yeah? D- Don’t worry, I won’t move until y-”

“N- No, you can- You can move, it- I want it.” You stammered over your words, suddenly shy as you pleaded for him. It was embarrassing to be begging for something so lewd, but you’d soon learn that embarrassment wasn’t valid when you were screaming your lungs out.

You’d wonder why you were both suddenly so timid with each other, treating each other like fragile glass that could break if you arose your voice too high.

Nodding uncertainly at your words, Shuichi gave your hands one last reassuring squeeze unsure if he had done that to assure you or him.

With a shaky inhale, Shuichi tested the waters by rolling his hips against yours gently. Worrying whether he was doing it right, as well as worrying if he hurt you. Though he’d be lying if the worry didn’t somewhat slip his mind the moment he felt that nearly irresistible wave of bliss wash over his body. Not wanting the feeling to stop, Shuichi decided he’d do it again, causing you to moan louder than the first time.

He couldn’t help but feel something strike his heart, and before he knew it, he was thrusting harder, more, aiming in different directions to get you to moan louder.

“Hah!” It was a foreign feeling, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad thing. You could feel your heart pulsating, a thin layer of sweat cultivating on your skin and his, and most of all you could feel Shuichi moving inside you. Every inch of him rubbed against your walls, and all of it just felt so fucking addicting.

“S/o!” His call for your name had lost itself in the sea of your moans as well as his own.

You could only reply in rickety moans, body bouncing as each thrust he granted upon you pushed your head closer to the headboard; the only thing keeping you as close as you were to Shuichi, being your connected hands.

“Sh- Shuichi, fuck!” You couldn’t even remember your name anymore, the name of your lover rolling off your tongue a couple of hundred times as your eyes rolled into the back of your skull, his hard pace driving you to insanity. You couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore, moans that escaped your lips sounded so pornographic you couldn’t possibly assume those were yours.

Shuichi on the other hand had been moaning and grunting like he was in pain; the way your walls clenched around him had brought him closer and closer to his high, but he didn’t want to cum just yet. He wanted to get that sweet spot.

It was so incredibly gratifying every time you called out his name; maybe not-so for the neighbours, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly smug as his neighbours would’ve known that it was — “Shuichi!” — who had been making you wail and moan like that.

Your uncertainty and discomfort from earlier disappeared into thin air, forgotten forever as you lost yourself in this new feeling of being plowed like a cornfield.

Finally finding the energy and courage to pry open your tear-filled eyes, your jaw remained slack, mouth blubbering out nonsense and ‘I love you’s as you made eye contact with Shuichi.

You felt your heart stutter and stop a moment as you saw how pretty he looked at that moment. With his facial expression contorting into one of pure pleasure, and a thin layer of sweat making his skin almost seem like it was glowing, combined with the loving look in his eyes; it was all too much, and before you knew it, you made your own lewd expression as you felt a foreign knot suddenly build up and untie in your stomach just as quick.

With stuttered, pathetic attempts at pleading his name, you attempted to get his attention as you had been slightly afraid of what was building up inside you. “Sh- Shu- Some- Something’s- Mmnhah!” You sobbed out, jaw going slack as screams poured out from your throat.

Shuichi’s eyes widened just a fraction as he realized what was happening, slowing his hips before suddenly going faster than before, grunting as he brought himself back to his high. “It’s- It’s okay baby, just let go- Urk—!” Shuichi wheezed as he felt your trembling vaginal walls clamp onto his throbbing length, feeling as if he had just gotten the air punched out of him. Well, you were only following his order.

Hunching over you, he squeezed your hands as he rolled his hips one last time, slow and deep, causing you to elicit a louder scream from the spot he hit. He had to suppress a thankful smile; there it was. He began to dig his glans especially hard into that spot, causing you to sob and squirm from the intense pleasure he had been putting onto you. “S- So good- I- I can’t-” You stammered, mind fuzzy and misfunctioning as your orgasm had been concentrated by Shuichi’s bold action.

You wondered if this was his first time; he seemed so experience like he knew all the right spots to press and prod at.

When really, he just read way too many porn mags.

Shuichi’s breath hitched as he felt his cock twitch, not long after the mini action, he had finally released inside you, going slack over your body as he nearly cried into your shoulder from how good it felt. Desperate and shaky moans and groans spilled from the binds of his thin lips, and no matter how hard he tried to dig himself into your neck, the moans remained loud.

Time seemed to slow down, Shuichi had gone flaccid inside you and quiet as he tried to catch his breath. Despite the lower half of your body still incredibly sensitive and numb, you managed to switch your positions, shifting him, so he was laying on his side instead of you.

He let himself be cradled by you, sweaty skin sticking together in an uncomfortably comfortable way. It was warm.

“... God, we should’ve done that months ago.” You half-joked, voice gravelly.

Shuichi groaned in response, wincing as he pulled out slowly.

“I don’t think I.. regret waiting.” Shuichi truthfully spoke, smiling a lopsided grin.

“Because it made this moment more special… right?” He hoped he wasn’t the only one to think so.

You nodded, eyes eventually drifting shut. “Yeah… You’re right, you’re.. always right.”

[carvion]

I wish we had more Zo and Alva interaction! Agriculture buddies!!!!

You and me both!

Especially since she joins so shortly before GEMINI after which the tone shifts (I mean I get that, because GEMINI is the abyss/death-rebirth part of the heroes journey and Alva is the helper that joins shortly before that point, and I could go into detail about how I personally think that Varl is not a helper in the second game like he was in the first but a mentor instead, and yes some people say the heroes journey is an overdone cliche but I disagree with that.... But that would lead only to me rambling for who knows how long, so let me get back to the ask!)

I think Zo and Alva get along very well! They are both incredible smart and Ava is probably a welcome variation from the men Zo lives with.

Of course there's also Beta, but at that point she is hardly coming out of her room and mainly talking to Varl. And Aloy has too much stuff to do to take a well deserved break.

Also, don't get me wrong, Kotallo and Erend (I'm gonna come to Varl later) are wonderful people and can be great company for Zo, but they are also, well, themselves and they can probably be a little hard to deal with, when tension is running high. I mean I love Erend, but he is loud and while I don't think he means to do it, he can be insensitive with his jokes and comments. And Kotallo (whom I also love very much) is still a brooding, slightly shut off man who has to worry about his people being under attack by those who used to be their brethren.

This of course leaves Varl and I do believe that Zo and Varl love each other very much, but Varl also took responsibility for Beta so he spends a lot of time with her. Also note I am not saying that Zo is unhappy in the Base, or that any of them are bad people for how they act or because of their priorities, they are simply human.... I think I'm losing track again.

So let's get to Alvas Side. When Alva comes to the base she has just learned that so much she believed to be true about the old ones, simply wasn't, she witnessed first hand, the death of someone her people saw as some sort of messiah (and while I don't think Alva liked Ceo particularly, the believe that he and their people were some sort of "chosen" was very much anchored in her culture so the "Thebes pill" couldn't have been easy to swallow.)

I think Alva could see a sort of refuge in Zo. Because she is a gentle person, who takes care of people (her being a gravesinger shows that she doesn't like to see people suffer) and I think Zo can relate at least a little bit to the feeling of having your faith/world shaken up, because she had to help kill on of her gods. (so could Varl but he is mainly concentrated on Beta by the time Ava joins)

Also, as I said somewhere above, they are both incredible smart women, who strive for knowledge and who, in my opinion, share a lot of interests, like agriculture for example. I could also see Alva take interest in the Utaru singing and what it means for them.

All in all I wish there had been more interactions between the Gaia Gang, but I fully understand why that is hard to achieve and I can't imagine what kind of work would have had to had been put into that.

I'm very happy about what we got and there's fanworks for the rest 😂

I went a little rambly there and I am writing this on my phone while at work so I apologize for all mistakes and if it's too incohesive. I will go over this with spellcheck once I'm home from work but I wanted to answer this because apparently I have more thoughts on the matter than I assumed.

I hope you are having a great day!

[whats-in-the-canister]

Taina “Caveira” Pereira x Fem!Reader - Closets

Summary: Taina is a good adoptive mother, despite her unconventional methods.

tags; parenting, sfw, reference to Caveria’s anti social personality disorder, wlw relationship, you’re a parent now, beta read by : @cosmiccutie18 , ily, not spellchecked tho I don’t do that here

Taina is a complicated woman. You’re into that.

That’s what you tell most people when they ask why you, of all people, share a wedding band with Rainbow’s residential interrogator. She was strong in places you weren’t, and you were soft in places she wasn’t. After a month of knowing eachother, you both had quickly noticed how in tune you were. You knew you loved eachother after three. Then after that, about a year later, you both knew you wanted to spend the rest of your possibly short lives (due to your job) together.

Your coworkers were a bit shocked, to say the least. They say opposites attract but no one was expecting you two to come together. However, after a drunken vent to Thermite at a after mission party, practically everyone at Hereford knew in the next hour. There were mixed responses. Some thought it was just a joke, asking you if you were pulling your April’s Fools nonsense early this year. Others believed it was dangerous, that she might be hurting you, or likewise you might be hurting her. Luckily, most congratulated you after you told them it was completely serious.

:read more:

On days where her past caught up to her, and she couldn’t bring herself to speak in public, you were there to drag her away from the crowds. You would whisk her away to a private section of the gym, so she could work out her problems. You would lay nearby and listen to her break sand. Whether it was her brothers driving her mad, Doc making her beyond livid, or God forbid Harry trying to make her go to counseling, you were there. She was glad you understood what she needed, as most people couldn’t read her.

On days where you couldn’t stand the sound of your own voice, or the sight of your own face, she would be there to break a mirror and put on a movie. She would be there to find the problem and fix it as soon as possible. On days where you would dispute with coworkers, she would be there behind your back, daring anyone to try to land a hand on her Coração. You appreciated her head and her heart alike, knowing both of her sides were always with you.

Suffice to say, you loved eachother. Then one day, you both decided to share that love.

Despite what people say, Taina is a sweetheart. You knew this when she would insist on feeding a stray outside the apartment, or donating an extra few cents at the store. The day you found her privately reading adoption articles online, you decided to have a talk.

At work, she had talked to a few of the other ops during a break from training. Alexsander and James were bragging about their daughters. Despite seeming uninterested, she couldn’t help but snoop.

She explained she had no interest in having her own children, as did you. However, she couldn’t help but feel like she was missing something. She told you about all the kids she knew while working for BOPE. The children she contacted on the streets for inside information, and how they never got a chance to grow up. How they never knew what family looked like, only what they didn’t have. It broke her heart at first, and she tried to convince herself she could desensitize herself to it.

Short story: it didn’t work.

So, you two came to an agreement. You would adopt, if you could manage leave from Hereford.

At first, you wanted a baby. Then you both considered how many older kids are looked over in adoption. You suggested a teenager, but she said she wanted younger. You agreed on a child around ten. Sex didn’t matter, neither did appearance. And no matter what they had been through, you were going to protect and care for them. They were going to be your child, after all.

After going through so many checks and forms, you were allowed to adopt a year later.

Taina cried when you met her, the first time you ever saw her do so in public. That night, she carried your child home, the little one refusing to let go of the broad woman.

A year later, your daughter had become comfortable around you both. Her name was Rose. Nine years old, put into the system at seven. She reminded you of Taina, with her quietness and little fidgets. You took care of her as your own, swearing to be there for her and your little family. While you were busy raising her, Taina was busy spoiling her rotten. You accepted not being the fun mom, but you could deal with it, seeing them both smile so brightly. Due to reasons beyond your understanding, you weren’t given context behind her adoption. Most likely for the best.

However, you could infer. From her reactions to Taina appearing in silence, she was always on edge. Your child couldn’t sleep at night, and rarely spoke. Despite what pain it brought to you, you knew she had been through something she wouldn’t be ready to address in a long time. It tore Taina apart. The woman knew what her bebê was going through. Growing up in poverty, never knowing if her family was going to be safe or not, she could relate to her on another level that went by you.

Rose’s problems continued, through emotional outbursts, sleeping trouble, and even moments of panic that seemed to come out of nowhere. At lunch, one moment she could be halfway through a meal, then another she would be red with tears eyes. She would cry uncontrollably, only being able to point at what was bothering her. You would hold her, comforting her through her fits. Unfortunately, they started while Taina was on a mission.

After a particularly bad fit, you had called Caveira when Rose was put to sleep. The woman answered instantly, wondering how you were and how Rose was as well. After expressing her woes and explaining her job this round, you broke the news to her. She paused, visually worried, and told you she’d be back soon to help through a stammer. She didn’t know what to do either, but she knew she was going to have to do something.

About a week later, your love was home. Rose ran down the stairs once she heard the door, almost tripping over her own feet to meet Taina. The woman didn’t bother to take off her vest or even put down her bags. She was just content with holding Rose up to her chest, carrying her around the house practically the entire later half of the day. She only let go when dinner was finished, but still then, she wanted to be near Taina or in her lap.

That night, when you were putting her to bed, she didn’t want to let go of Taina’s arm. She cried, trying to pull her mama down into her little bed. You stroked her hair, asking her what was wrong. She was quiet, an aura of fear surrounding her. All she could do was tear up and point to the other side of the room. After a few minutes, you were able to calm her down and she fell asleep...only to wake up screaming halfway into the night.

You and Taina were fast on your feet, running to her room, fearing the worse, only to be encountered with the same problem. A glazed look of fear and a gesture to the other side of the room. You relented, bringing her into your room for that night. She slept well after that, until the next night.

Rose stayed with you again that night, only to wake up halfway through it once more, clinging onto you for her life. Taina scanned the room, trying to find the problem, only to be met with the same pointer finger again. She followed her daughter’s lead, eyes landing on your closet. She stood up, trudging across the room, fist raised as she ran into the closet. The door slammed against the wall, showing it as empty, aside from your clothes and gear.

Your daughter grew quiet, smiling. Taina smiled back, giving you both a kiss before falling back to sleep, Rose quick behind her. You sighed in relief, following.

You thought this was the last of it, but you were wrong. The night afterwards, Rose slept in her own room. You had finished cleaning up for the day as Taina came out of the shower. You were switching into your pajamas as she wandered into your shared room, smiling.

“Aren’t you in a good mood?” You grinned, happy to see her so content.

“She’s made it a few good hours. I think we fixed the problem.” She laughed leaning her head onto your shoulder, resting her eyes. “What has she been through to scare her like that?”

Your hand fell onto her jaw as you contemplated the words. “We will know one day. I don’t like to think of it too much, but she will heal on her time, no matter what happened. Did she ever tell you about her dreams?”

“No, never. I think she’s ashamed of talking about them with me. I hate it.”

You sighed, laying down with her. You fixed the pillows and sheets as you sank down into your bed. “Someone’s always there trying to ‘get her’. Like the ones you have, but I think she’s reliving some sort of event.” You shivered, thinking about the words she spoke to you after you finished her schooling for the day. The tremble in her voice, the fear in her eyes. Beside you, Taina raised to put a hand on your shoulder, still. She was quiet and unfazed, by you knew what she was thinking.

“I think it’s best to not think about it.” You muttered as you wife nodded in agreement. Eventually, you nodded off into sleep, with Taina’s arm behind your pillow.

The room was pitch dark, with only one sound waking you up. Rose screaming. Much louder than you were used to. She was yelling hysterically, pleading in the language she shared with her other mother. It didn’t just sound like a nightmare this time. You and Taina moved in a flash, sprinting down the hallway. Your feet slammed against the floor as you swung Rose’s door open, Caveira was behind you, the knife she kept at your bedside in her hand.

Your daughter was alone, pointing at her closet again, that had no signs of being opened. Rose was swelling with tears, panting through gulps of air, if she had a sob choked down. Taina took only a second to act, rushing over to your daughter. “Rose, what’s wrong?”

Rose spewed a bunch of words, not understandable to you. A mix of syllables neither of you understood. You gently layed a hand on her back, petting her slowly. “It’s alright, we’re here. I’m here. Mami is here. You don’t have to say anything...” Taina was quiet beside you, eyes fixed on your child’s closet. Taking another gulp of air, Rose managed to speak and point. “He’s back, but you... you just don’t see him. He’s hiding and I can’t find him.”

Taina turned her head, looking your daughter in her eyes. “Bebê, who?” You interrupted, “He—“ Taina spoke louder, realizing something you didn’t. “No, you don’t have to say, where does he hide?” Your daughter calmed down for a second, raising a hand to point at her closet. Taina turned to the closet, raising her blade, a look of sternness coming over her face.

You recognized her stance.

Caveira raised her leg, before striking the door with the bottom of her foot. It flew off its hinges, sounding off as it crashed into the back of the closet. A hole was left where the hinges tore themselves off the wall. Rose blinked beside you at her destroyed room. It grew quiet, aside from your daughter’s soft breath.

Taina turned to her, “He’s not in here. Want me to check the rest of the house?”

Rose nodded, leaning into your chest as you picked her up. You left her room, heading to yours. Taina led the way, silent as a mouse as she turned the corner with her knife. Her body language mimicked what you recognized as her prowl during missions. Your daughter could tell she wasn’t fooling around.

Your bedroom’s closet was soon demolished, the blinds on it soon cracked into splinters. Your daughter watched her other mother in amazement. Taina cleared the large closet, knife still raised blade up.

Soon, you all stalked downstairs. Eventually, your daughter let you put her down. She followed behind Taina, mimicking her moves. The living room was next. Taina peaked around the corner, clearing the section in her line of sight. She crept her way towards the closet where you kept the extra tables and blankets. The wooden door was thin, easy to break, but no light could leak through its cracks. You pr daughter hid behind you, only tilting her head out from the corner of the doorframe.

Taina wasted no time wasting it either, with no mercy. It was soon left shattered, on the ground. Your heart pained thinking of the costs, but your daughter’s soft smile was worth it. Taina crept back over, in a whisper. She muttered to her daughter, “C’mon, we still need to check the pantry and bathrooms.” Rose nodded, taking her mother’s hand.

Taina made quick work of the pantry, letting your daughter check it for herself afterwards. The guest bathroom was destroyed. The shower curtains were torn down and the little closet for shampoos and towels was layed on the floor in waste. Eventually, only the last bathroom was left. Rose was walking with confidence now.

Taina looked at you, gesturing you forward. You knew what she was trying to say. You took a step forward, biting your lip. You weren’t jui jitsu artist like Caveira, but you had boxed with Craig a couple of times. You sized up the door, planting yourself, before knocking it down with a crash. The last closet in the house was demolished. All was now quiet and your daughter was beaming.

Rose looked up at Taina. Your daughter quickly dried her tears, amazed by your wife. There wasn’t a trace of fear on her little face.

She kneeled down, talking to her daughter. “He can’t hide from us now, bebê. He’ll have to show up in person. If he does, I’ll show him what those doors went through. And worse. No one will hurt you while momma and I are here.”

That morning, you all slept in. In your own rooms, with no nightmares. The next day, you did the same thing. Then the week after that. After the week after that one, Rose asked mami to teach her how to kick like you two.

[staticscreenwriting]

Wonderful tonight // F.M.

Synopsis: Reader is Pope’s sister and her and Frankie have been dancing around each other for years. Now Pope is getting married and emotions are running high and Frankie and Reader are both single at the same time for the first time ever. It’s all about the longing, the yearning. 

A/N: This entire thing was inspired by that picture of Pedro in the header and how handsome he is. This is my first time writing for this fandom and I rewrote this story about 5 million times. If you like it let me know if you don’t then you can also let me know if you want. I did run this through spellcheck but it’s not really edited. I don’t have the time, honestly. Just ignore mistakes, please and thank you. Hope you enjoy.

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

“ One day I’m gonna stand right over there. I’m gonna wear an expensive suit and shiny shoes. I’m gonna get my hair done real nice, and probably have a flower pinned to my jacket. My hands will be clammy and my heart will be racing. There will be flowers, lots of them, all over the garden. We'll have a musician playing acoustic guitar. All my friends will be there, and — and our entire crazy family. And I’m gonna get married to the love of my life. Right here. And things will be good. People will be happy.” 

“ Mom will probably be crying. “ 

“ Oh for sure. “ 

As she steps out into the garden, (Y/N) can’t help but let her mind wander back to that one summer night a long time ago. Pope was fresh out of high school then, about to move out and start the rest of his life, away from home. Nights like these, sitting in the garden of their childhood home and sharing silly stories and hopes and fears, were numbered. That’s the thing about having siblings, it really only occurs to you how important they are to you when you’re faced with the idea of a life without them. So they sat there, on the steps of the porch, ice-cold cans of coke in hand and hearts open and vulnerable. Pope had never shared any of his dreams with her, not like this at least. But maybe him leaving home made him feel nostalgic too. 

Her eyes meet his across the aisle and he smiles at her with his signature Santiago Garcia smile, the one that’s gotten him out of so much trouble when he was younger, the one that looks so much like their mother’s. An ocean of flowers surrounds him, just like he said it would. And their entire crazy family has taken their seats, ready to watch him get married to the love of his life. (Y/N) has always been proud of her brother's achievements, in and outside of the army. But she’s never been more proud than today. 

Will softly links his arm with her’s as they walk down the aisle to take their respective places as bridesmaid and groomsman. The air is filled with the soft melodic strumming of an acoustic guitar and the perpetual scent of peonies. The rational part of (Y/N)’s brain knows that life isn’t like the movies but maybe, she thinks, sometimes life grants us a little moment in which we get to relish in a bit of that magic that makes those films so enchanting. 

Just as she’s predicted all those years ago, her mother is crying. Big happy tears roll down her blushed cheeks. If we’re being entirely honest, neither (Y/N) nor their mother had really believed they’d ever see Pope up there, wearing an expensive suit and shiny shoes and waiting for the love of his life to walk down the aisle so he can marry her and start their happily ever after. Then again, ever since he was little Pope always found a way to get the things he wanted if he only set his mind to it. The sky was and still is the limit for her brother and that is something (Y/N) is infinitely envious of and wonderfully amazed by at the same time.

As they reach the front, Will lets go of her arm and walks right to stand with Pope and the groomsmen and she walks to the left stepping up beside the maid of honor.

It all goes so fast from then on, one more bridesmaid and groomsman, the flower girls, then the bride. She looks gorgeous and she’s smiling the biggest smile. It’s one that just radiates with pure unfiltered joy. And there’s love in her eyes. So much love. The way she looks at Pope leaves no doubt about her feelings for him. It’s the most basic of all human emotions and yet the most complex to grasp though at that moment, in her eyes and his, it’s so clear to see and so easy to understand. 

(Y/N) feels her heart do a little stutter as she allows herself, for the first time that day, to let her eyes wander towards the row of groomsmen. This is, by all accounts, a bad decision that’s only gonna hurt. Self-destructive behavior is something she’s pretty good at though.

Frankie stands next to Pope like a rock, sturdy and determined and ready to catch him if he were to stumble or fall. That is something so enigmatic about Frankie. As flimsy and unpredictable he can be when it comes to himself, he’s incredibly loyal towards his friends and loved ones. He does not falter, does not shake. Not for his loved ones, never.

The dark blue suit looks good on him, it fits him like a glove and it must’ve been expensive. Though (Y/N) can’t help but feel like something is missing. This isn’t the Frankie she knows. The one she —. Granted, it’s been years but still, there’s something funny and peculiar about Frankie in a fancy suit. 

His lips are pulled up in a small, gentle smile. One that makes a comfortable warmth settle in (Y/N)’s heart. This man is both so familiar and yet so complicated. He’s been a constant in (Y/N)’s life for a long while now, ever since the first time Pope brought him around for dinner. Even without any blood relation, those two are brothers through and through. Will and Benny too. Those four, forever bound to one another by the horrors they’ve seen, the pain they’ve felt, and the family that developed along the way. 

(Y/N) loves those boys, they are as much a part of her family now as they are of Pope's and yet, something about Frankie always felt different. From the first moment, their eyes met, the air filled with a strong magnetic pull. Invisible but palpable. It was always special. Always. Frankie is the kind of guy one can call at 3 am because you’ve heard a scary sound and don’t feel safe and he’ll jump into his car and come check it out for you and protect you, no questions asked. And he never wants anything in return. He just gives because that’s what his heart tells him too. The world, (Y/N) thinks, needs more people like Frankie.

He’s not without his issues, far from it really, and (Y/N) can acknowledge that. But the sum of his faults does not undo the size of his heart. Somewhere along the way of their friendship things changed. It was a gradual change, slow and steady like water down a stream. Glances lingered, hands kept brushing more frequently and the air held a perpetual sizzle of static. Though neither of them ever admitted it, they both knew it was there. Hell, even the boys, foolish and naive as they could be, noticed. It was a well-known secret.

If life really was a movie, the two of them would’ve gotten a happily ever after by now. A dance on a rooftop, a kiss in the rain, a soft indie song leading them into the end credits. A gentle epilogue to a slow burn romance.

But life really isn’t a movie. Everything seems to be working against them. Mostly time and cultural conventions. This man is her brother’s friend. Her brother’s brother. You don’t date your brother's friends, that’s like an unwritten rule. But time is probably the worst of their enemies. It never seems to be on their side. They’ve never been single at the same time. Frankie went through several more or less serious relationships and while (Y/N) hasn’t found anyone to settle down with permanently, there’d been men she lent her heart to.

Last year, just a few weeks before Pope swept his band of merry men off on their suicide mission to Colombia, (Y/N) moved back home after ending a 3-year relationship. Dave was — he was nice. Nice and secure and stable and boring. Something about him felt too squeaky clean. That night, looking at old pictures of herself and the boys that were proudly displayed on the fireplace in her parent’s living room, it became abundantly clear to her that Dave wasn’t the problem. The problem was that Dave wasn’t Francisco. She’d really set her mind to it then, to pull herself together and muster up the courage to finally seek a conversation with him about the elephant in the room they both had refused to acknowledge for so long. She’d been determined. Then Pope dropped a bomb on her.

“So Frankie and his girl are having a baby.” 

And from that moment on she refused to let herself entertain any thought of her and him having any kind of future that went beyond being friends. It hurt, god it hurt like hell. But dreaming of things that could never be wasn’t doing her any good either.

Seeing him now, looking all snazzy in his suit and smiling, it sends a familiar shive through her body and makes the moths in her stomach go crazy. If only life was a movie. If only.

The ceremony passes in the blink of an eye. There’s happy tears, lots of them but love shines brightly through it all. Every glance, every touch, every word spoken. As her brother and his new wife make their way down the aisle, (Y/N) dares to take another glance towards Frankie and, for the first time that day, he’s looking back.

The world doesn’t shift or shake right then, doesn’t spin out of its axis. Nothing fundamentally changes but the air feels different. The electricity is back. The magnetic pull. The undeniable attraction. Just like that, they are both thrown back into this everlasting limbo of what-ifs.

(Y/N) looks away before her heart can break further, knowing what could’ve been and what can never be.

Weddings have this strange side effect of making you think about your own romantic entanglements. It’s not necessarily a bad thing or a sad thing. It’s just a fact. Seeing other people’s love being displayed so prominently, being celebrated, it makes you wonder. Will I ever find this kind of love? 

“ You know, I think you and I gotta have a talk.” Pope’s voice holds a certain edge to it, a teasing tone she’s heard so many times growing up.

“ About what? Shouldn’t you be dancing with your wife right now? “

“ Ah, she got caught up in a conversation with her aunt, something about corgis. Once that woman starts going there’s no stopping her. It’s — it’s a lot.” 

“ And you left your wife behind to fend for herself? What a way to start life as a married couple.” 

Pope gives her a chuckle and their silly banter makes (Y/N) feel like a kid again.

“ So I’m gonna need you to talk to Fish. “ 

“ Huh? “

“ Oh don’t play dumb. I’ve known you your whole life, kiddo. I know when something’s going on with you and something is definitely going on.” 

“ What’s my emotional turmoil got to do with Frankie?” 

Her older brother raises his eyebrow in mock offense. As if to say “you really think I’m that dumb?” 

“ You two have been throwing looks at each other all day whenever you think the other isn’t looking. Subtlety really isn’t either of you's strong suit. “ 

That, (Y/N) thinks, must be absolute nonsense. Frankie’s got a girl and a baby, there’s no reason for him to sneak glances at her. Clearly he’s gotten his happily ever after already and it doesn’t involve her. Pope must be delusional. Must have a head filled with cotton candy and all things rose-colored.

“ You’re on a wedding high, my guy. There have been no looks. “ 

Her words are met by Pope shaking his head in frustration. “ Look, I just — just please go talk to him. This dancing around each other is very high school drama and I love you both which is why I can’t watch this going on any longer. “ 

“ What are you saying?” 

“ That if there’s something there worth um — worth exploring, you don’t have to worry about me or my opinion on it. “

If anyone had ever told her those words would ever leave her brother’s lips, she would've called that person crazy. Not that they change anything, he’s still got a woman at home and a baby. But still — it’s nice to know that if things had worked out differently, Pope would approve.

“ Are you saying that if I wanted to date Frankie — which I don’t, but like let’s pretend I did. Hypothetically. You’d be okay with that? “ 

“ (Y/N), “ Pope says and his voice dips lower as his expression grows more serious “ I love both of you. I just want you guys to be happy. “ 

Before either of them can continue the conversation, the bride steps up beside them, throwing her arms around Pope’s middle and facing (Y/N) with a big, radiant smile on her face.

“ Sorry I had to interrupt but I needed to get away from aunt Lisa and her Corgie stories.”

“ Nah it’s okay, don’t worry I uh — I gotta go talk to someone. “

Pope smiles at her in return and a silent understanding passes between the two. Maybe the story wasn't all that hypothetical after all.

Much to (Y/N)’s delight, Frankie sits alone at the table. His suit jacket is lazily thrown over the back of the chair and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his elbows. This looks more like the Frankie she knows. The one she loves. Effortlessly cool and yet so undeniably charming. 

Sliding onto the chair next to his, she can feel her heart speed up with anxiety. She shouldn’t feel this way around him. Underneath all the feelings, this is still her Frankie, one of her best friends, a member of her little family of misfits.

“ Hey, you. “ her words are soft, delicate, almost as if she’s afraid of saying them. And maybe she is. A little bit at least.

“ Hey, stranger. Long time no see.”

His voice is dark and soothing but there’s an edge to it, a hint of teasing. 

“ Mmh. It’s been a while. “

“ Yeah, and with the way you’ve been avoiding me all day today, it makes me wonder if I did anything wrong. “ 

Oh god.

“ Dude, what’s it with everyone thinking I’m avoiding you? I’m not. “ 

“ You sure about that? “ Frankie asks and raises his eyebrow in question.

“ Yup. Just been a — a busy day. I’d never avoid you, I missed you. “ 

At least the last part of that statement is factual. She’s missed him terribly. 

“ I missed you too “.

There’s a truth in his eyes, a grounding honesty that is so hard to come by in people. Whatever words fall from his lips they are deliberate and he means them 100%. It’s something (Y/N) has always admired and appreciated about him. 

“ Sooo … I was hoping you’d bring a plus 1 today. “ 

“ Huh? “

“ The baby ! “ 

“ Oh. Oh, I think it’s way past her bedtime by now. She’s uh — she’s with her mom. “ 

“ Do you have a picture? “ 

Frankie scoffs, “ One? I got a bunch of ‘em. How much time have you got? “ 

As he pulls out his old battered leather wallet, (Y/N) can’t help but let a smile take over her face. It’s so fitting that he would carry the pictures around in his wallet instead of having them saved on a phone. Frankie was never the guy to get all obsessed with having the newest technological gadgets. Though he was smart as hell and good at navigating any and all electronic devices, he never felt the desire to own a smartphone himself only having caved and bought one a year ago when his old phone died on him. 

“ That’s her. Just celebrated her first birthday. “ 

The girl in the picture is undeniably Frankie’s daughter. She’s grinning up at the camera with his exact smile only she’s missing a few teeth still. Her eyes are the same soothing shade of brown and are rimmed by the same thick black eyelashes. She’s gorgeous and something about seeing her sends a pang straight to (Y/N)’s heart. What if …

It was one thing knowing that he was a dad but actually seeing his baby and realizing that’s his new reality, it’s strange. And while (Y/N) is happy for him, a part of her has a hard time coping with that realization. What if things had worked out differently, could that have been her life too?

“ She’s adorable. “ 

“ Yeaaah, “ Frankie replies and shrugs his shoulder casually, “ guess I did a pretty good job there. ‘s the first time in my life. Only thing I ever did right. “ 

Though he tries to shake it off and veil his words with a tone of mockery, (Y/N) can see right through him. The self-depreciation has always been a point of contention to her. How he can not see how wonderful he is, how loyal and sweet and loving, is beyond her.

“ Shut up, Frankie. Except for my brother, you’re the only guy I know that would drop everything to help me paint my kitchen at 1 am on a Tuesday. You’re so sweet and funny and I have not a single doubt in my mind that you’re an amazing dad. Stop selling yourself short. “ 

For a moment a quiet settles upon them that is neither comfortable nor awkward. It just is. And then Frankie looks into her eyes again and the moths are back going haywire. If only her future lay in those eyes, oh how wonderful yet foolish of a thought. 

“ Ah, I don’t know. Her mom doesn’t seem to think so. Left just before her first birthday. I mean — “ he sighs and takes a sip from his bottle of beer “ things between us hadn’t been good for a while and a breakup was inevitable. It’s just that I wish I could see the kid more. She’s my heart. She’s my everything. I want to be good enough for her, you know? So one day she can be like that’s my dad and he’s a pretty alright guy. Not that’s my dad, the ex-addict unemployed pilot. “ 

“ Frankie. That kid's gonna love you so much, now and forever. Because you love her. That’s all that matters. When you think about your childhood, do you think about your parents’ jobs? No. You think about how much they loved you and the good memories you had with them. “ 

Frankie stays silent for a moment, just looks at her with his big brown eyes, and then — then he smiles. 

“ Can I tell you something? “ 

“ Always.” 

“ When she was born. When the doctor let me see her and hold her for the first time. I wanted to call you. You’re the first person I wanted to talk to about her. I was so fucking terrified at that moment because she was so tiny and the world is so big and scary and I don’t know how to not fuck things up for her and how to protect her from it all. And you, when I’m with you I never felt scared, ever. You’re so good at making me feel like I can do everything and at making me forget about my own shortcomings. I wanted to call you so bad. “ 

“ Then why didn’t you? “

He averts his gaze for a moment, as if it’s a secret that weighs heavy on his heart. One he hasn’t told anyone before. One he isn’t sure he’s ready to share.

“ Didn’t wanna bother you. “ 

That’s not the truth. She can tell immediately. Frankie is a lot of things but he’s not a very good liar, at least not to the people that know him very well. Though she doesn’t push the situation any further. 

“ Pffsh. Bother me …” 

“ Didn’t think your boyfriend was gonna be okay with me calling you in the middle of the night. “ 

“ Well fuck him. “ 

Frankie raises his eyebrows in surprise. “ Huh “

“ Yup. “ 

“ Didn’t work out? “

“ Nope. “ 

“ Why’s that? “ 

Cause he isn’t you. That’s what she wants to say. That’s what rests on the tip of her tongue just waiting to be spoken. She doesn’t say it though, doesn’t have the guts. There’s an overwhelming sadness about getting your heart broken at a wedding and it’s not something she wants to experience today.

“ Just didn’t work out. Realized he wasn’t who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. “ 

“ So you’re not gonna be the next one inviting me to a wedding and making me wear a stupid fancy-ass suit? “ 

“ No way. First of all, you look hot in this suit and you know it. Second of all, nah. I feel like this isn’t in the cards for me. I want —  I want a guy that I can call at 3 am to get chocolate chip pancakes at the diner and that will run through the garden sprinkler with me when it’s hot outside and that will ask me to slow dance at a wedding even though the song that’s playing is super cheesy and overplayed. Dave was sweet and he was secure but I always felt like something was missing. I loved him but we were never friends. I think that’s what I was missing. “ 

Their eyes meet again and a shiver runs down her spine. There’s a tension in the air so thick one could cut it with a knife. And for a moment, just a fleeting moment, one that passes in the blink of an eye, there’s the courage she’s been looking for for so long. The one that helps her push the words from the tip of her tongue and speak them. For the first time. Finally.

“ Frankie, he wasn’t y— “ 

“ (Y/N), Darling. It’s time for your speech. “ 

At that moment she wants to strangle her own mother. That courage? It’s never gonna come back. This was her one chance and it’s not gonna come back ever. Oh god, what is Frankie gonna think? What’s gonna happen to their friendship ?! 

“ Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll just. Okay yeah. I’m coming. “ 

She doesn’t dare even as much as glance back at Frankie. Though before she makes her way over to her seat where the mic is already waiting for her and the speech she’s so meticulously planned, she hears him call out to her.

“ (Y/N)! “ 

“ Hmm…? “ 

“ I lied. I didn’t call you when the baby was born because I thought It was extremely inappropriate to call the woman I’m in love with while the mother of my child is recovering from giving birth. “

The moths in her stomach are gone now. There are bats now. Maybe a swarm of birds. Something bigger than moths for sure. Her whole body feels like it’s on fire and simultaneously being splashed with ice-cold water. Her heart is beating faster and her hands are clammy and all she can do is stare and get lost in his eyes and his smile and this moment that seems unreal.

“ Honey? “ 

Her mother’s words break the spell and (Y/N) follows her to take her place at the table. The mic feels heavy in her hand though everything else feels weightless. Maybe, she thinks, this is what love should feel like. Weightless. Easy. Magical.

There’s a piece of paper in her sparkly clutch with a long and sentimental speech written on it all about love and finding your soulmate and all that stuff that, until today, she always felt like she didn’t really know anything about except for what they tell you in the lovesongs on the radio or the rom-coms on tv. And yeah maybe it’s still too early to feel like the world is an entirely different place now but those words he said, she’s been waiting for those words for over a decade. If there was ever a moment to romanticize her own life, to relish in the feeling of being loved, and to celebrate her own successes, it’s today.

The pre-written speech stays in the purse. Instead (Y/N) takes the mic and starts talking. Straight from the heart.

Across the room, her eyes meet Frankie’s and all she can do is smile, for it’s the first time in a long time where her future isn’t so scary. It’s exciting. Maybe everything else that came before was just the prologue and her story is just now about to really begin.

“ Hi. I’m (Y/N), I’m Santiago’s sister, and uh — I wanna talk to you about love. “ 

Weddings are hectic and busy affairs. There’s something going on at all times and it’s impossible for (Y/N) to find even a second to have a proper conversation with Frankie about — well everything. So much time had been wasted between them, on keeping their feelings locked up and trying to find the right moment. Now the moment is here and the conversation doesn’t seem so scary no more. Now the only thing that stands between them is this wedding. There are speeches then food then cake then more speeches then a picture slide-show one of the bridesmaids put together then then then. It’s never-ending and though it’s fun and (Y/N) enjoys celebrating her brother’s love, she wishes time would pass quicker right then. If only for once, time could be on their side. 

Only when the newlyweds have left the venue to spend their wedding night at a fancy hotel nearby and most of the guests have cleared too, (Y/N) finally finds time to sit down and just relax for a moment. No speeches to listen to, no uncles who insist on getting one dance with her, no bride who needs help holding up her dress while she pees. Just calm and quiet and —

“ Can I have this dance? “ 

His hand is reaching out to her and there’s a nervous smile playing on his lips. There’s something quite intoxicating about it all now that she knows he feels the same. All the anxiety is gone and replaced with hopes and dreams of a future that now seems like it might actually happen. One that’s been a “What-if” for so long.

“ It would be my pleasure. “ 

Neither of them is a particularly good dancer but it doesn’t matter right then. All that matters is that they get to exist together at that moment and in their little bubble. That they get to be close and sway left and right as Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful tonight” echoes through the room.

“ That song is so cheesy and overplayed, “ (Y/N) exclaims, “ I love it. “ 

Frankie places a soft kiss on the top of her head and it sends her heart into overdrive. Is this what the lovers in a Jane Austen novel felt like when their hands locked for the first time, just a fleeting whisper of a touch?

It feels exhilarating and (Y/N) feels alive and like nothing is missing. Everything and everyone is right where they’re supposed to be.

“ You ever thought Pope was gonna end up actually getting married? I didn’t see that one coming to be honest. “ 

(Y/N) leans her cheek against his chest as they keep softly swaying to the song. A tiny content smile settles on her lips.

“ Actually, yeah. It was always part of his plan and you know him, if he sets his mind to something he usually ends up succeeding. “ 

Frankie nods in response. “ Talking about your brother, we had a uh — a conversation earlier.” 

“ Now why in the world would you do such a thing? “ she jokes though not for a second does she lift her head off of his chest. He’s warm and soft and she can just about make out his heartbeat. This feels too comfortable to disrupt it for even a second.

“ He kinda implied that he wouldn’t mind if you and I — “ 

He stops, considers his words, rearranges them. 

“ If we what? “ 

“ Started dating? That sounds wrong, that makes us sound like teenagers. “ 

“ You know, it’s funny because he implied something awfully similar when I talked to him earlier. “ 

“ Huh. weird. “ 

“ Ya think that maybe this, “ she says and gestures between the two of them “ is also part of his plan? “ 

Frankie shrugs and moves his hand to her jaw, softly stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“ He always gets what he wants, guess we can’t break the chain, huh? “ 

“ Guess not. “ 

They’re so close. So unfathomably close. His warm breath falls onto her skin and he can smell the flowery scent of her perfume. The air around them sizzles with electric anticipation. 

Back when she was a kid, (Y/N) was obsessed with the Disney Cinderella movie. Everything about it felt so magical and wonderful and life held the sweet bliss of childlike wonder and innocence. And then she grew up and witnessed her heart breaking over and over again. 

Now that she’s standing here, in the arms of the man she’s loved for so much longer than she can remember, she thinks that maybe the movie wasn’t all wrong. Yeah, maybe it’s an overly sugar-coated fairytale where happy endings are guaranteed and things get fixed with a song and the help of some critter sidekicks. But the underlying message of them all, the most fundamental truth of them all is that love is worth believing in even when life gives you so many chances to lose hope. 

Just like the fairy godmother has said: Even miracles take a little time.

This kiss, warm and gentle and passionate, is a miracle in itself. If only for the fact that it has taken over a decade for it to finally happen. His lips meet hers and the world spins faster and slower all at once. If this was a movie, they’d probably show a montage of all their happy memories throughout their years of friendship, all the longing glances, and flirty touches. But this isn’t a movie. This is real life. She’s really dancing with him. He’s really kissing her. 

She doesn’t have to imagine any of it anymore because it’s happening right here and right now and life is so much better than any movie or romance novel or cheesy pop song. They can never live up to the real thing.

Neither of them wants to pull away though eventually their lungs demand oxygen and they reluctantly detach their lips. 

“ You think we should, give this thing a chance? “ 

Once again there he goes being so casual. As if this is not a decision that’s been in the making for such a long time now. An accumulation of years of longing and wishing and hoping and constantly missing the right moments and bottling up feelings.

“ Francisco Morales, I’ve loved you for a long ass time now. I am not letting you go anytime soon. Ain’t no getting rid of me, buddy. “ 

“ Good, I’m not planning on it. And I love you too, by the way.“ 

They seal it with a kiss and life feels like it always did only — better. Everything feels so damn right. The what-ifs are gone and in their place now stands a future worth looking forward to. One filled with adventure and happiness and love.

“ Hey, (Y/N)? “ 

“ Hmmm ? “ 

“ You wanna go get pancakes at the diner around the corner? “ 

“ With chocolate chips? “

Frankie scoffs “ Duh. What a question. “ 

There’s a lot of comfort to be found in romantic media though as they walk outside the venue, hand in hand and matching smiles on their faces, (Y/N) thinks that every once in awhile life itself makes for the best movie, the most magical moments and the greatest love stories. 

[sanutopia]

kink analysis: kim hongjoong

a/n: i hope you like this because ateez in bed has been haunting me lately so i plan on doing one of these for each member!

warnings: this is literally a kink analysis and sort of like a head cannon of hongjoong in bed, so obviously very sexual stuff is discussed. also i swear a few times oops :P

also i didn’t really spellcheck so if there are errors i’m sorry !

*this is just a BRIEF discussion of how i believe hongjoong is in bed. if anyone would like me to..... elaborate...... my asks are OPEN. lets have this discussion!*

i wanna start this off by giving a little description of how i imagine hongjoong being in bed. this man has serious duality, so i see hongjoong as a switch leaning more towards dom, as the sense of taking the reigns and leading comes naturally to him. i think he's a people pleaser, so he wants nothing more than for whoever he's sleeping with to be satisfied during every moment. on the occasional times that he subs, however, he can be a little bit needy and impatient. he's also down for a lot of experimenting and is willing to do really anything just to see if he likes it (but he always makes sure you're comfortable trying it first!). that being said, here are some things and kinks that i think hongjoong enjoys!

biting: this man has perfect teeth. i refuse to believe that he doesn't have a thing for biting, and seeing your reaction when he does so. his favorite places to bite are your chest right near your collar bones, and of course the insides of your thighs when he's in between them. while those happen to be his favorite places, he'll really put his teeth to use anywhere that he might get a reaction from you.

jewelry: i wouldn't necessarily call this a kink, but he always makes sure to have all of his jewelry on, such as his chains and rings, wherever he goes. he loves seeing the marks his rings leave on your neck after placing his fingers around your throat or the marks they leave after he spanks you for god knows how many times. he leaves the chains on because he loves the way your desperate hands come up to grab them as you moan in his ear. i personally think that hongjoong enjoys the way he looks with all of his jewelry on. it probably makes him a little cocky knowing he looks that good.

exhibitionism: hongjoong would love being exposed to the public. i think that he would enjoy public sex. probably has fantasies of fucking you in front of certain people. i think he would be pressured to show the 'audience' a good time. wants to show people how good he fucks you, almost like he has something to prove or some sort of reputation to uphold.

mutual masturbation: hongjoong would actually like to have a balance of power when you're masturbating. he would love to tell you what he wants to see and vice versa. bonus points if you do it in the mirror. i think he would especially enjoy this after being gone for a long period of time. he gets super curious about how you make do while he's gone, so his reward after working hard during tour would be nothing more than seeing you masturbate in front of him (because over video call just doesn't cut it).

sensory deprivation: hongjoong loves anything that can deprive you of at least one sense. he loves making you anticipate his next move. he loves seeing the chills you get when he touches you as you're blindfolded. i think he might honestly enjoy both giving and receiving deprivation because he thinks it's fun. loves bringing this kink in when toys are included as well.

thigh riding: while mingi holds the crown for some of the best thighs in the industry (my opinion), i think that hongjoong has to be up in the rankings too. i also think it would help his ego seeing you fall apart from simply grinding on his thigh. also, i think he likes to hold most of the control when you're on top of him. he would take special measures to guide your hips where he wants them.

humiliation/degradation: now hear me out on this one. i had to think about this for a while because as i said in the beginning, hongjoong's duality is insane. i think while he is passionate and cares about you both as well as the boundaries you set, this has to be one of his favorite kinks on the list. he cares a lot about you, yes, but i know for a fact he'd love seeing the tears come down your face as you beg for him time after time or after he's called you every name in the book. he would get off on calling you a pathetic little cockslut, and when it comes to kim hongjoong aren't we all?

also here are some toys i think hongjoong would enjoy!

blindfolds (we talked about this)

leashes/collars yes i said that

gags

butt plugs (i think eventually he would like to give & receive use of plugs!! they're fun ok!!)

cock rings

nipple clamps

(that's just to name a few but i assure there's probably more)

names he likes to call you:

- darling

- bunny (this one makes me 🥺)

- sweet/sweetling

- baby love

names he likes to be called:

- sir (god i love sir hongjoong)

- daddy (occasionally)

- baby (on softer days)

aftercare:

i am a firm believer that aftercare is one of hongjoong's strong suits. i mentioned that taking reigns/leading came natural to him, and along with that comes a sense of caring for others. his first action is to ask you if you're okay and if you enjoyed yourself. if something happened that you didn't enjoy that much, now is the time to mention it so you both can make adjustments and try again later, or if you didn't like it at all, scratch the idea. the next thing would be to obviously clean you both up, you being first. he would take special care of your body during the whole process, and aftercare is no exception. this might include running a bath or shower for you, rubbing lotion on you, or massaging whatever parts of you might be sore. although he might be tired, i know his first thought would be to make sure you're comfortable and clean before he passes out.

[lizard-isms]

whoever is responsible for the culture around ocs having to be “good” i will hunt you down and biting kill you. if i see one more “ouhhgh but ONLY if they have believable flaws” or “nooo you cant do that it’s unrealistic” i am going to animorph into the jokedler. im not writing a novel over here im just making up some strange little guys. and that ok. more under the readmore (it is long)

i think this came up mostly around that huge wave of. oc “fixing” or finding and making fun of “”bad”” deviantart ocs, and the mary-sue mockery that was Ridiculously Prominent. and still has not died like it should have years ago. but like. god. who is it harming. if someone wants to make a ceepy passa self insert oc that’s like. ouuuugh evil powerful murderer in a haunted videogame kills you through the screen. jeff killar’s wife and boyfriend slander men’s daughterson. who are you to corner them out of that y’know. its fun. my first oc was a sparkledog-esque warrior cats character who started her own clan when she was a literal child. and i loved her with every ounce of my 10 yr old body. but once i gained a certain level of awareness of the greater art community (??? what should i refer to this as??)’s attitude towards characters like her i was TERRIFIED to publicize any of my ocs. i would agonize over them like ohhh is this too much is she too overpowered is he too boring is he too unrealistic etc etc. and. man. i wish i was able to have fun with that stuff. NOW agonizing over character motivations is fun to me but theres a big gap between being like. cornered into it when you have no interest in it beyond not being mocked mercilessly and doing it because you choose to. i am choosing to agonize. when i was twelve i just wanted something vaguely me-shaped to project my desire to run around in the forest onto.  i know im not the first person to bring this up but GOD it still makes my brain twist into a new shape every time i see a Horrible OC Take. and only recently has there been a notable push to have people Not be evil and awful over this. at least that ive noticed, im sure there’s been plenty of people talking about it before??? i would like to believe there were plenty of people talking about it before that i just didn’t see. please let me live in blissful ignorance if i am wrong. and it wasnt just people having a chuckle over an un-spellchecked deviantart oc bio this was people putting out MULTI PART YOUTUBE SERIES that were DEDICATED to tearing peoples characters apart. shits kinda fucked maybe idk. a lot of people that were the targets of this kind of stuff i feel were Not looking for criticism, constructive or otherwise, also. many of us were not focussed on getting Better, we were focussed on kissing fictional character of choice. or running around in the woods. or projecting poorly-processed trauma.

[eyra]

hey !! i really love your stories :) i've got a question about setting aside time to write and you are a really wonderful writer so i thought to ask you -

i genuinely love writing & crafting stories but can't seem to find any time (life/assignments/social engagements are really distracting). so i was wondering if you had any strategies for really setting aside time, or for revitalizing yourself after a day at work/school & getting in the mood to write? hope you're having a lovely day - and absolutely no need to answer if this is weird!

Hiya, what a lovely message! Great question - I’ve mentioned before that I’m a terrible procrastinator with a very short attention span so I totally feel your pain. Here are a few things that seem to work for me:

Give yourself very clear parameters for what you hope to achieve on any given day. Don’t just say “I’m going to write today,” say “I’m going to write today, starting at 6pm and finishing at 8pm, and I am going to write 2000 words in that time” - or whatever your own goals are. If I just vaguely tell myself I’m going to work on something but don’t commit to a time or a clear goal, I’ll probably find I don’t get round to even starting...

Remember that a first draft doesn’t have to be good, it just has to be written. Just get the words down on paper (or screen) and don’t stop to edit or change the structure or even spellcheck. Just keep writing words whilst you’re in that frame of mind and then worry about everything else later.

Turn your phone off! If you’re trying to write on an evening but find other things too distracting, put your phone on do not disturb. Sounds simple but it’s beyond essential for me.

Make a playlist for whatever you’re writing, and listen to it to tune back in to the story. I try to start building a playlist as soon as I get a sense of what the general mood of the story is, and then if e.g. I want to start writing at 7pm, I’ll put the playlist on shuffle whilst I make dinner or whatever and I usually find that this helps me get into the right mindset to start.

Never finish a writing session on a full stop. If I’m logging off for the day, I always leave my last sentence unfinished - I know what the rest of the sentence is going to be, and coming back to the page the next day I find it so much easier to jump back in if I already know those first few words that I’m going to type. If I finish writing on a full stop, or a paragraph break, or - god forbid - at the end of a chapter, I find it really difficult to pick up the thread again when I come back to it.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Unless you’re writing to an actual deadline and missing it would have real, tangible consequences, don’t stress yourself out about not meeting a word goal or not having time to write on any given day because of work or school or life. Perfect example - I have a pretty demanding job that doesn’t leave me with much free time outside of weekends, but last week I was working from home so I knew it was reasonable to want to get 5000 words a day down for my WIP. This week, I’m working 12 hour days away on location and by the time I get home, get dinner and get a shower, it’s way too late to be thinking about writing, so I had to accept that I wouldn’t even look at my WIP this week. Annoying, yes, but not the end of the world - so don’t stress about it. If you try to cram it in when you’re exhausted and don’t have the time for it, you won’t be at your best creatively and you run the risk of ending up resenting whatever it is you’re trying to get written.

I hope some of these are helpful! If anyone else has any useful tips then do share - I’m sure there are loads of other ideas that would work wonderfully.

Hope you’re having a lovely day too anon. Thanks again for getting in touch! x

[mhafiction]

Out & About (Pt. 3)

Read Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 4

Pairing: Bakugo x Reader

Fluff/Friends to Lovers (?), swearing

Synopsis: Reader is very close friends with the Bakusquad, except for the aloof and mysterious Bakugo. He still intrigues them however, and a night out with the group might actually be the the push they need to really get the ball rolling on transitioning their awkward comradery into something a little- more.

Note: It’s done haha. I didn’t spellcheck it that well... forgive me -K.

“There’s a shopping mall not far from here!” Mina squealed, her ink-black eyes glittering with excitement.

“It’s that new one that opened last week, right?” Kirishima mused. “We should totally check it out.

You stifled a yawn, then checked your phone. It was still considerably early, but for some reason your eyelids were heavy with exhaustion. It was almost as if an entire era had passed in the time you left the dorm. But maybe that wasn’t so bad.

Bakugo kept his gaze fixed squarely ahead. Unshakable, even with your charming presence. It didn’t matter to you. What was pleasing was the fact that he was walking side by side next to you, matching your stride with each step. Perhaps it was the lingering warmth of his jacket combined with the romanticism of snowfall, but you couldn’t help but wear a sleepy little smile.

Once arriving at the shopping center, you plopped down on a bench, waving for your friends to carry on without you. “I need to rest my feet for now, I’ll catch up.” The heat from the interior met your freezing cheeks, and you basked in the comfort for a moment. Bakugo hesitated, concern flashing in his eyes, before deciding to join you on the bench. “Huh? Bakubro, you’re not coming?” Kirishima asked, a playful grin dancing on his face. Bakugo met his boyish demeanor with a scowl. “No.”

“Ahaha, I see.” Sero nodded with a quiet understanding, glancing at your drooping form, then raising an eyebrow at Bakugo. The hotheaded blonde immediately flushed. “Tch.” He tossed back his head with an air of false nonchalance. “Go away.” Kaminari clicked his tongue. “Oh Bakugo, quit playing the tough card. We all know deep down you’re a big ole softie. I mean, you should just see the way you act around Y/N-” Bakugo had to be restrained by Kirishima to keep him from lunging at Denki. “GET LOST ASSHOLE!” Sparks flew from his hands. “Whoa, touched a nerve there.”

Bakugo was lucky that his friends abided with this demand, even if it was with some teasing. He was even luckier that you were so close to passing out, and therefore completely checked out of the conversation. He scrolled on his phone, watching you out of the corner of his eye. Sometimes you could be a real pain. What if some creep had cozied up to you while you were in this inebriated condition? His hands gripped his phone tighter thinking about that. Didn’t you care about yourself? He watched your head bob up and down, fighting to stay awake. Hmph. You’re lucky you’re so cute.

The shopping mall hummed with activity, not strange for a Friday evening. Girls flitted about from store to store, children cried and threw tantrums as they were led along by their parents, and some were waiting languidly on their benches just as Bakugo was. Why was he waiting, anyway? You probably wouldn’t want to move for a while, and deep down he knew you could handle yourself.

Then, while his thoughts were focused on his social media feed, Bakugo felt a weight on his right shoulder. Slightly frozen from shock, he stiffly turns his head to greet your sleeping face smushed squarely against his upper arm. He felt his cheeks grow hot, and he silently cursed you for being so damn pretty, even when you were unconscious. He drank in your features, trying to capture this moment in his mind. Wait a minute.

Slowly, very, very slowly, he shifts his phone to his left hand, gently angling it’s camera to capture your entire face. He prays you don’t wake up at the wrong time. Almost got it. Just adjust the light here and- Click. He let’s out a deep breath, a self-congratulating smirk on his face. Bakugo brushes a hair from your face, almost unconscious of the action, then winces at the memory in the restaurant. That had been so awkward. He had been overcome with a desire to help you, to be close to you, to touch you. What he had thought was just a passing crush had become something so intense that it scared him. He didn’t even know it was possible to like someone that much. And now, in this mediocre shopping mall, you were slumped over his shoulder. Your soft snores music to his ears and dulling his senses till all there was was you, and all that mattered was you. You stirred, your calm little face convulsing into a yawn. Bakugo held back a barking laugh at how your brows knit together, how you stretched like a shaking kitten, and how absolutely imperfect you seemed at the moment. His heart clenched as he realized that he was way too far gone. Bakugo loves you. He loved everything you did and how you did it, how you laughed and how you cried and how you woke up from a nap. It made him feel soft and warm on the inside. Gross. Pondering this for a while, he wondered how a person as good as you could even like him. I mean, you did, right? That’s why you tried to talk to him or train with him. Truthfully, he knew that he was a prickly type- he hadn’t met you halfway in the attempts to grow closer. But being around you was almost nerve-wrecking. He wanted to be better for you. After tonight, well, things probably wouldn’t be the same. In a good way. That’s a step at least. Bakugo gazed down at the picture he had taken of you. Your face made him unconsciously happy, and butterflies erupted in his stomach. What the fuck was this?? Was he dying??

He weighed his options, going back and forth in his head... fuck it. He set the photo to his lock screen chuckling with a quiet giddiness, then chastised himself for being so fanciful and indulgent. Now that was just sad. But he didn’t change it back.

You rubbed your eyes, blinking in the fluorescent white light. For a second, you forgot where you were. Your eyelids fluttered shut, your mind weary, hoping to return to your nap. It was so soft here for some reason...then, your nose was greeted with the familiar smell of burnt sugar.

“Bakugo?” You muttered, still in a daze. He jumped in suprise, hitting your chin, and the fact that you had been laying on him all this time snapped you awake. Oh fuck.

You wipe a bit of drool from your mouth, trying to compose yourself. Oh my god he probably thinks I’m disgusting and lazy and-

You make a quick effort to smooth out your hair, hoping to death that you hadn’t done anything embarrassing while you were unconscious. Awkwardly shrinking yourself so that you’d make as little physical contact with Bakugo as possible, you give him a quick glance. “S-Sorry.” It was the return of his soft, caring attention that almost caught you of guard. “Tch. Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, the gentleness in his voice barely hidden with a raspy facade of annoyance. Your eyes catch on his phone for one second as a notification pops up. Was that... you? You quickly pull your gaze away from it, banishing the thought from your head. No way, no how. That was ridiculous. Why would he even put me as his lock screen?

You shift in your seat a bit, still tired but a little antsy. You couldn’t just sit here in awkward silence with him. Pushing yourself through the haze of exhaustion, you slowly stand up, offering a nod to Bakugo. “Let’s go find the others.”

It seemed that all your friends were refusing to answer your phone calls. “What the fuck?” You murmured. “I mean, Denki’s with them.”

“Bastards probably forgot a cord,” Bakugo sighed, not surprised by their ignorance in the least. “Better just search for them.”

You two walk across the mall, scanning the storefronts, shoulders less than an inch apart. Bakugo is aware of how close you are, and bristles every time your hand brushes up against his own. You aren’t. Your limbs are heavy with exhaustion, your eyes fight to stay open, and the warmth of Bakugo beside you...

You latch onto his arm, forgetting your previous aversions to touching him. Bakugo stiffens up, but says nothing. He watches you yawn, then cozy into the crook of his elbow, burying your nose in the fabric of his shirt. “Y’know Bakugo, you really are amazing,” you whisper, your light little voice slurring from sleepiness. Bakugo’s breath hitches in the back of his throat. Did you really just say that?

“For the record, I don’t care what everyone else says. You’re really nice.” You giggle, reaching for a spike of his hair, then patting his head softly. “And pretty.” That’s it for Bakugo, he panics, feeling his face go completely red. He’s dead silent, shocked that you were being so bold. You pout. “I think I really like you Bakugo.”

“You do?” He whispers back, his gravelly voice infused with disbelief.

“Sure. I think you’re gonna be the No. 1 Hero one day.” You press your fingers together, growing comically bashful. “Can I kiss you?”

Bakugo reels back at the request, eyes wide as he runs those words you just uttered through his head. Just exactly how tired were you?

You bury your face in your hands. “Oh god, I’m sorry Katsuki-“ you yelp. “Uh-uhm, Bakugo-“

“No, it’s okay. I-“ he gulps, swallowing his stress. “I like Katsuki.”

“...Ok, Katsuki.” He felt like melting, hearing you say his name.

Bakugo rubs the back of his neck apprehensively, deciding to proceed with caution. “How about we talk about this when you’re less...loopy?” You give him a single nod, still rested firmly on his arm. He didn’t mind.

“But you know, Katsuki. I really mean it,” you say under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear. “But you’re right. I don’t want to burden you with-“

Bakugo stopped dead in his tracks. Burden him? How could you even suggest something like that? He grimaced, cursing himself for his stupid prickly attitude and his inability to talk to people. Especially people as good as you.

“Is that really how you feel, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

He grabs your shoulders, making sure that you’re looking him square in the eye. A blush creeps onto your face.

“You’re not burdening me, you got it, idiot?”

Why’d he have to say it like that? He inhales, pushing himself to tell you more. To let you know that he liked you, too. More than you’d ever know.

“Listen Y/N, I think that you’re...you’re pretty great. That is to say, you’re not bad. You’re better than most of the extras I know. I mean-“

He gives a shout of aggravation, furious at how impossible it is to just tell his crush he likes them.

“ARGH! What I mean is! ...You remember how I promised I’d tell you when you’re being stupid? Well, you’re being stupid right now, if you think that you’re a goddamn- a goddamn burden.”

He chokes on his words, anger and sorrow welling up in his throat.

“Katsuki.” You bring a hand to his face, watching those eyes of his show you everything you needed to know. Bakugo had opened his heart to you. Had this sweetness been in there all along? Had his love really been there forever?

You frowned, watching his pained expression. What could you possibly say to him...

“Let me see your phone.”

His brows furrow together, and he straightens up. But he complies, tossing his phone to you while looking the other way.

You hummed, tapping on his screen. It illuminates, and as you suspected, it was you. Sleeping. On Bakugo. You feel your face grow hot, then hand him back the phone.

“Well, I guess you’re ahead of the curve.”

Bakugo snorts. “Bold words from the one who fell asleep on me and then asked for a kiss.”

You scratch your cheek, taking a deep breath.

“Well, you didn’t really give me an answer.”

Bakugo’s eyes widen, then offer you a mischievous twinkle. He smirks, a little cocky. “I guess I didn’t.”

“So.”

“...”

Bakugo sighs, then matches his gaze with yours. You can tell he’s nervous. Inching closer and closer, you watch his face grow redder and redder as he leans in. Once his nose is basically touching yours, he whispers softly “Listen. I’ve never done this before, so. Don’t make fun of me.” Then he closed the distance.

Caramel overwhelmed your senses. His lips met yours with confidence yet caution, planted squarely with little mercy. He was so sure of himself, and at the same time so gentle. The kiss was slow, one you both eased into as he grabbed your hip to pull you closer. Your hands played in his hair, and he shuddered, pulling away just for a moment to look at your face. You two stood there, intertwined, in the blinking lights of a shopping mall with the whole world moving past you. You smile, pushing back, then offering your hand to Bakugo. At least now, you were awake.

“Let’s go find the others?” He intertwined his calloused palm with yours. “Yeah.”

Truly, this would be a night to remember.