#External Environment analysis
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What will help you go through Saturn lessons? Saturn in the houses
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Saturn in the 1st house
Saturn in the first house requires a person to develop a deep understanding of their responsibilities and capacity for self-discipline. To master its lessons, it is essential to learn to accept yourself as you are, with all your flaws and strengths, while also working on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Saturn teaches patience, so you must be prepared that the results of your efforts will not come immediately but through consistent hard work and overcoming inner barriers. The limitations Saturn may impose should not be seen as punishment but rather as opportunities for growth and the strengthening of character. Building a clear structure in life, creating a daily routine, and taking a systematic approach to problem-solving will help manage its influence more easily. Self-discipline becomes the key to success: the more order and organization you have in your life, the easier it will be to overcome challenges. It is also important to learn not to shift responsibility for your life onto circumstances or other people but to see yourself as the rightful master of your destiny. Accepting limitations and working on yourself will gradually lead to inner strength, stability, and self-respect.
Saturn in the 2nd house
Saturn in the second house teaches responsibility, discipline, and patience regarding resources, self-sufficiency, and value. To navigate these lessons, it is important to develop inner stability and learn to recognize the true value of yourself and your life, regardless of external circumstances. Start by identifying your priorities in the financial and material realms and understanding which beliefs about money and resources limit you. Saturn requires a structured approach, so build a habit of budgeting, saving, and working toward long-term financial goals.
Equally important is the lesson of self-sufficiencyâlearn to rely on your own skills and efforts to feel secure about the future. On an emotional level, it is necessary to overcome feelings of lack or fear of loss, which Saturn may intensify, and gradually replace them with an awareness of your worth. Developing patience and resilience will help you realize that success in this area comes through gradual effort rather than instant results. Practice gratitude for what you already have and cultivate a realistic approach to managing resources, avoiding extremesâboth greed and excessive extravagance.
Saturn in the 3rd house
Saturn in the third house teaches discipline in communication, thinking, and learning. It demands structuring your thoughts, learning to express yourself clearly and accurately, and formulating ideas. The key to mastering these lessons lies in patience, consistency, and responsibility while learning and interacting with others. It is important to overcome the fear of expressing your thoughts or a lack of confidence in your intellect. Developing a systematic approach to learning, such as setting specific goals and deadlines for mastering new information, is essential.
Additionally, it is important to work on your relationships with siblings, neighbors, and people in your immediate environment, showing more patience and a willingness to engage in dialogue. Saturn in this house does not tolerate superficiality and requires deep analysis of any situation. Gradually developing critical thinking will help overcome obstacles. If communication challenges arise, practicing writing, reading, or public speaking can be beneficial â this will strengthen confidence and allow you to structure your ideas more effectively.
Saturn in the 4th house
The lessons of Saturn in the fourth house are connected to deep inner work on oneâs emotional world, family foundations, and emotional security. To overcome these challenges, it is necessary to consciously work on oneâs roots and relationships with family, especially parents, as karmic ties or heavy family patterns often emerge here. Taking responsibility for your emotional maturity becomes a key step: instead of blaming your family or circumstances, it is important to see how they have shaped your personality and learn to build your life based on your own principles. Saturn demands discipline and patience, so creating a stable home environment, even if it requires time and effort, becomes the foundation of your inner balance.
The lessons often involve learning to cope with loneliness and emotional restraint, finding support within yourself rather than in external circumstances. Learning to set boundaries with others is helpful, as well as recognizing your right to personal space and emotional well-being. Practices such as self-reflection, working with a psychologist, or meditation can help you better understand your fears and limitations, freeing space for more mature and healthier emotional responses.
Saturn in the 5th house
The Saturn in the fifth house requires patience, awareness, and inner discipline. The fifth house is associated with creativity, self-expression, joy, children, romantic relationships, and games. When Saturn enters this house, it can impose limitations and challenges in these areas, prompting an individual to gain a deeper understanding of their true needs and talents. It is important to learn to take responsibility for oneâs own happiness and creative fulfillment rather than shifting it onto circumstances or other people. Saturn demands consistent effort and a serious approach to any creative project; superficiality and carelessness will not bring satisfaction. Overcoming fears of self-expression, criticism, and failure plays a key role. It is essential to find what truly brings joy and to develop it despite difficulties.
The romantic relationships may serve as a lesson in trust and maturity: Saturn teaches one to see love not as a source of pleasure but as a commitment and opportunity for growth. Regarding children, this placement often pushes for a serious and responsible attitude toward their upbringing or toward developing oneâs own âinner maturity.â It is important to learn to find joy in simple things and to allow oneself to express happiness, even when it requires effort. Accepting discipline as a foundation for growth and realizing that satisfaction comes with time and hard work helps you successfully navigate Saturnâs lessons.
Saturn in the 6th house
To pass Saturnâs lessons in the sixth house, it is necessary to focus on discipline, responsibility, and service in daily life. The sixth house symbolizes work, health, routine, and self-discipline, so developing beneficial habits and patience in daily duties are key themes. Saturn demands structure and diligence, so learning to plan tasks, organize work time, and not avoid difficulties is important. Overcoming laziness, chaos, and procrastination will help harmonize Saturnâs influence. Special attention should be paid to health: regular medical check-ups, physical activity, and a balanced diet become essential tools for maintaining body and spirit balance.
Saturnâs lesson here is to recognize the value of work, humility, and service to others. Work done with responsibility and without the desire for immediate rewards brings inner growth and strengthens character. It is important to understand that success comes through painstaking effort, not quick results. Accepting routine duties as a means of self-development and improving oneâs life will help to pass Saturnâs lessons with wisdom and resilience.
Saturn in the 7th house
Saturn in the seventh house teaches responsibility in relationships, maturity, and balance between personal freedom and commitments to others. To navigate these lessons, it is essential to build honest, stable, and mutually respectful partnerships. This primarily requires patience and a willingness to work on yourself and your relationships, especially when facing challenges or disappointments. Saturn may manifest as delays in forming a serious union, but this time can be used for self-discovery and developing communication skills. Understanding your expectations and limitations will help avoid illusions and disappointments.
It is also important to realize that responsibility in relationships is not only about obligations but also about respecting boundariesâboth your own and your partnerâs. Practices like meditation and working with a psychologist or mentor can be helpful in overcoming fears and insecurities related to intimacy. Respect for yourself and others, a realistic approach to relationships, and a readiness to learn from mistakes are the keys to successfully mastering the lessons of Saturn in the seventh house.
Saturn in the 8th house
Saturn in the eighth house indicates profound transformations, challenges, and lessons related to themes of intimacy, shared resources, debts, inheritance, and emotional depth. To successfully navigate Saturnâs lessons in this position, learning to accept change as an inevitable part of life is crucial. Develop patience, discipline, and responsibility in managing shared finances, as well as in relationships that involve trust and emotional vulnerability. Work on fears of losing control and embrace the necessity of letting go of what no longer serves your growth. Practicing meditation, mindfulness, and other activities that promote emotional healing can be helpful. Strive to find a balance between the material and the spiritual, recognizing that true strength comes from inner peace and the ability to overcome fears. Cultivate resilience, trust in life, and accountability for your actions.
Saturn in the 9th house
The lessons of Saturn in the ninth house are associated with embracing discipline and responsibility in matters of faith, philosophy, education, and life beliefs. This placement emphasizes the need for a serious approach to broadening oneâs worldview, studying profound knowledge, and developing personal wisdom. It teaches patience and demonstrates that true understanding comes through hard work, personal experience, and overcoming internal limitations.
It is essential to overcome the fear of making mistakes in the search for truth and to learn to trust your inner teacher. Saturnâs lessons in this house demand a striving for deep understanding rather than superficial perception and an awareness that genuine knowledge requires time and effort. Taking responsibility for your beliefs and being willing to learn, even when it seems challenging, will pave the way to wisdom. Saturn also highlights the importance of structure, which may manifest in the need to plan studies or travels.
Saturn in the 10th house
Saturn in the tenth house indicates the need to learn lessons of responsibility, perseverance, and discipline, especially in professional matters and issues related to social status. The key to successfully overcoming Saturnâs challenges in this position lies in accepting the necessity of long-term effort and building a structured approach to life without expecting immediate results. Developing patience and understanding that true achievements come through consistent effort and a willingness to take on greater responsibilities is important.
The fear of failure can be a strong companion, so working on self-confidence and avoiding excessive self-criticism is crucial. Focus on quality over quantity in your tasks and projects. Strive to find a balance between career ambitions and personal life, ensuring that your professional sphere doesnât completely drain your energy.
Saturn calls for awareness of your true goals. This is a time to reassess your aspirations: does your work align with your inner purpose? Be prepared for the possibility of changing direction or letting go of outdated goals that are no longer relevant. Embracing responsibility for your choices, developing self-discipline, and maintaining a long-term perspective will help you achieve sustainable success and fully realize your potential.
Saturn in the 11th house
Saturn in the eleventh house teaches us responsibility within social circles, the development of friendships, and the fulfillment of long-term dreams. This lesson requires patience and a conscious choice of surroundings, as friends can become important teachers. To navigate Saturnâs lessons, it is crucial to learn how to structure your goals and demonstrate discipline in achieving them. Challenges in trusting others or feelings of isolation may arise, but they serve as a catalyst for developing inner strength.
It is beneficial to cultivate teamwork skills without fear of taking on leadership roles or responsibility for group projects. Moreover, it is important to realize that true freedom comes through conscious limitations and the proper allocation of energy. Regular self-development, awareness of your role in society, and a willingness to reassess your beliefs about friendship and collective work will help you navigate this period harmoniously.
Saturn in the 12th house
Saturn in the twelfth house indicates the need to work through deep subconscious fears, hidden limitations, and karmic debts. To pass the lessons of Saturn in this position, it is important to embrace solitude as a means of inner growth rather than isolation. Practicing meditation, mindfulness, and spiritual self-discovery will become powerful tools for personal development. Patience, humility, and the willingness to let go of the past, including resentments and inner regrets, are essential. Saturn demands discipline and structure, so even in spiritual practices, it is crucial to maintain consistency. Reading, self-analysis, and helping others through charity or volunteer work can help harmonize the influence of this planet. Taking responsibility for subconscious reactions and working through deep emotions such as guilt or shame will aid in removing internal blocks. The lessons of Saturn in the twelfth house may be challenging, but they bring strength, wisdom, and the ability to live more consciously, freeing oneself from illusions.
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#astrology#astro#natal chart#astro observations#birth chart#astro notes#astrology posts#zodiac#Saturn#Saturn in the houses
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BSD MEN AND MBTI TYPES [+ their darlings]
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So, Iâm not sure how many are aware of what MBTI is, but I got a few requests on making an analysis about this for BSD MEN and incorporating their ideal type! darlingsâ MBTI types as well, so I did. (I kind of promised that I would do it, so now is the time.)â¤ď¸
I want you to know, it wasnât intentional to place one type as the ideal match for multiple characters. I thought it through thoroughly and did my best to remain as logical and diverse in MBTI types as possible. Itâs just that strong Fe users are often a good match for broken people andâŚwellâŚBSD men are mostly broken.
Here is a brief explanation what MBTI and cognitive functions are, for those who are not familiar with it. If you are familiar with it, you can simply skip to the next paragraph under the thinner cut.â¤ď¸
Explanation MBTI: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a tool used to understand different personality types based on how people prefer to interact with the world and make decisions. Created by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs, itâs based on ideas from Carl Jung about how people think and behave. MBTI types are 16 four-letter combinations such as INFP or ESTP, that are designed with each 4 primary cognitive functions that are being used frequently by each person. There are 8 cognitive functions, and we all use all of them, however, 4 are always the most comfortable and prominent.
Detailed Explanation of Cognitive Functions: Cognitive functions are specific mental processes that shape how we understand and interact with the world. Each function has a particular role and works in conjunction with others to influence personality. Hereâs a closer look at each of the eight cognitive functions:
1. Extraverted Sensing (Se): This function involves focusing on the present moment and taking in information through the senses. People who rely on Se are very aware of their surroundings and enjoy engaging with their environment actively. They tend to live in the moment and respond to immediate sensory experiences.
2. Introverted Sensing (Si): Si involves recalling past experiences and using that information to understand the present. People with strong Si focus on details and how things have been done before. They rely on their memories and internal impressions to make sense of the world.
3. Extraverted Intuition (Ne): Ne is about exploring possibilities and seeing connections between different ideas. Those who use Ne are good at brainstorming and considering multiple potential outcomes. They enjoy thinking about future possibilities and spotting patterns that arenât immediately obvious.
4. Introverted Intuition (Ni): Ni involves forming insights and understanding future implications based on internal reflections. People with dominant Ni often have a clear vision of how things might unfold and focus on long-term outcomes and deep, conceptual understandings.
5. Extraverted Thinking (Te): This function focuses on organizing and structuring the external world based on logic and efficiency. People who use Te prioritize objective criteria and practical solutions, often seeking to improve systems and achieve measurable results.
6. Introverted Thinking (Ti): Ti involves analyzing and refining ideas based on internal logic. Individuals with strong Ti prefer to understand concepts deeply and develop their own internal frameworks for how things should work. They value precision and consistency in their thoughts.
7. Extraverted Feeling (Fe): Fe is concerned with understanding and responding to the emotions and needs of others. People with strong Fe are focused on creating harmony in their social environments and are sensitive to the feelings of those around them. They often work to ensure that everyoneâs needs are met and that social interactions are smooth.
8. Introverted Feeling (Fi): Fi involves making decisions based on personal values and internal emotional responses. Those with dominant Fi focus on staying true to their own principles and beliefs. They prioritize authenticity and personal integrity, making choices that align with their internal values.
Each MBTI personality type has a specific hierarchy of these functions. The dominant function is the primary way a person interacts with the world, while the auxiliary function supports it. The tertiary function is less developed, and the inferior function is the least developed and often a source of stress or growth.
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FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
INTJ (The Mastermind/Architect) - Ni > Te > Fi > Se
Fyodor's dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), reveals itself in his visionary, long-term thinking and his deep strategic foresight. Fyodor operates on a plane that transcends the immediate and the obvious.
He sees patterns, connections, and the potential outcomes of his actions far into the future, often perceiving the world in ways that others simply cannot comprehend.
His overarching goalâto cleanse humanity of its sinsâdemonstrates a profound understanding of abstract concepts and an almost prophetic ability to see beyond the present, traits quintessential to a dominant Ni user.
Next, we have Extroverted Thinking (Te), Fyodor's auxiliary function, which he employs with ruthless efficiency. His actions are driven by a need to impose order and structure on the chaotic world around him, aligning perfectly with Te's desire for effectiveness and productivity.
Fyodorâs methods, while morally ambiguous, are meticulously planned and executed with precision. This function supports his Ni visions, allowing him to implement his grand schemes with logical, calculated steps.
His ability to manipulate people and situations to his advantage is a direct result of Teâs influence, prioritizing objective outcomes over personal feelings.
His tertiary function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), is less overt but still crucial to understanding his character.
While Fyodor presents a cold, calculating exterior, his actions are ultimately guided by an internal value systemâno matter how warped it might seem.
Fyodor's Fi manifests in his unwavering belief in his mission and his disdain for those who fail to meet his moral standards. He perceives himself as a savior of humanity, driven by an intrinsic sense of right and wrong that only he truly understands.
This Fi also explains why Fyodor is so selective about who he allows into his inner world. A potential darling, for instance, would need to align with his deeply held values, reinforcing the notion that Fyodorâs emotional connections are reserved for those who resonate with his internal compass.
Lastly, Fyodorâs inferior function, Extroverted Sensing (Se), is the least developed, manifesting in his apparent disconnection from the physical world.
Unlike characters who thrive on sensory experiences, Fyodor often appears aloof and detached from his surroundings. His focus on abstract ideas over tangible realities suggests a discomfort with Se.
He surrounds himself with serene and controlled environmentsâplaces where sensory overload is minimized, and he can concentrate on his internal visions. This discomfort with the physical world further isolates him, reinforcing his preference for solitude and reflection.
In conclusion, Fyodor embodies the traits of an INTJ through his dominant Ni, which allows him to see far-reaching possibilities and plan accordingly; his auxiliary Te, which drives his strategic actions and manipulations; his tertiary Fi, which shapes his personal values and judgments; and his inferior Se, which leads to a disconnect from the immediate physical world.
These cognitive functions, taken together, explain his complex and morally ambiguous character, as well as his potential preferences in a partnerâsomeone who would understand and complement his internal world without disrupting the carefully constructed order he seeks to maintain.
His darling: INFP - Fi > Ne > Si > Te
or INFJ - Ni > Fe > Ti > Se
INFP (The Mediator / Idealist):
In the intricate labyrinth of Fyodorâs mind, where Introverted Intuition (Ni) reigns supreme (this sounds so serious lmao), an INFP female darling would offer an unparalleled balance and harmony.
Her dominant function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), would resonate deeply with Fyodor's own Fi, albeit in a more developed and nuanced form.
While Fyodorâs Fi is selective, almost reclusive, it is this very selectiveness that makes an INFPâs Fi the perfect match. She possesses an intrinsic moral compass, one that is authentic and unwavering, but unlike Fyodorâs, it is deeply empathetic.
Her Fi would draw out the softer, more vulnerable aspects of his tertiary Fi, helping to humanize the rigid internal values that guide his every move.
The INFPâs Extroverted Intuition (Ne), her auxiliary function, would offer Fyodor something he might not even realize he cravesâa partner who can perceive multiple possibilities and ideas without being constrained by rigid logic or efficiency.
Her Ne would inject a sense of wonder and exploration into Fyodorâs meticulously controlled world. Unlike the ruthless precision of his Te, her Ne is imaginative, often seeing potential in areas Fyodorâs Ni might overlook (seriously, this man would NEVER overlook anything but letâs stick to that for the narrative).
This openness to possibility would challenge Fyodor, gently encouraging him to see beyond his single-minded visions, adding layers of depth to his already profound insights.
Furthermore, the INFPâs Introverted Sensing (Si) as a tertiary function would provide a subtle, yet grounding influence on Fyodor.
While Fyodorâs inferior Se leaves him disconnected from the physical world, the INFPâs Si, though not dominant, would allow her to appreciate the simple, sensory experiences of life.
She could offer Fyodor a gentle introduction to these experiences, helping him connect, even briefly, with the present moment. Her Si would serve as a quiet anchor, providing stability without overwhelming his discomfort with Se.
Lastly, her Extroverted Thinking (Te) as an inferior function would ensure that while she respects Fyodorâs logical and structured approach, she would not challenge his authority or disrupt the order he values so highly. Instead, her Te would emerge in moments when practicality is required, complementing Fyodorâs own Te without competing with it.
This would create a dynamic where she supports his strategies and plans, but with a gentle touch that allows his Te to dominate, thus preserving the balance of power in the relationship.
In conclusion, an INFP female darling would not only complement Fyodorâs complex INTJ personality but would also provide a much-needed counterbalance to his intensity.
Her Fi would resonate with his, but with a warmth and empathy that could soften his cold, calculating exterior. Her Ne would challenge and expand his Ni, offering new perspectives and possibilities.
Her Si would ground him, even if only slightly, in the present moment, while her inferior Te would respect and subtly support his strategic dominance.
Together, they would form a partnership where his visionary goals are met with understanding, warmth, and a touch of whimsyâqualities that, in the end, may be precisely what Fyodor needs, even if he cannot fully articulate it.
INFJ (The Advocate/Counselor):
An INFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Fyodor, harmonizing with his complex, enigmatic nature while still offering a dynamic that enriches his inner world.
As an INFJ, her dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), aligns perfectly with Fyodor's own Ni, creating a profound connection rooted in their shared ability to perceive the world through abstract, visionary lenses.
This mutual understanding of the intangible and the hidden would foster a relationship where both partners feel deeply understood, even in their most esoteric thoughts. Fyodor, who often finds himself isolated in his strategic foresight, would find in the INFJ a partner who not only comprehends but complements his intuitive depth.
Her Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as an auxiliary function introduces a crucial element of emotional intelligence that Fyodor lacks. While Fyodorâs tertiary Introverted Feeling (Fi) shapes his internal value system, it is often cold, detached, and selectively applied.
The INFJâs Fe, however, is outwardly focused, naturally attuned to the emotions and needs of others. This function would provide Fyodor with a compassionate, empathetic counterpart who can navigate social dynamics and offer a broader perspective on human emotionsâsomething his Te might dismiss as irrelevant.
The INFJ's Fe would soften Fyodorâs rigid moral judgments, gently encouraging him to consider the emotional consequences of his actions, thereby broadening his understanding of the world beyond his own internal values.
Moreover, the INFJ's Introverted Thinking (Ti), her tertiary function, would subtly complement Fyodor's auxiliary Te. While her Ti is less overt, it allows her to engage in deep, reflective thinking, often uncovering logical inconsistencies or hidden truths in complex situations.
Her Ti would not threaten his Te-driven need for control and order but would instead offer a nuanced, thoughtful perspective that Fyodor could appreciate, particularly when his Ni-driven visions require careful refinement.
This quiet analytical ability would appeal to Fyodor's Te, creating moments of intellectual synergy where both can engage in strategic planning and problem-solving.
Lastly, the INFJ's Extroverted Sensing (Se) as an inferior function mirrors Fyodor's own inferior Se, establishing a shared discomfort with the immediate, sensory world.
This mutual weakness might initially seem like a drawback, but it would actually deepen their bond. Both partners would understand and respect each other's preference for controlled, serene environments, where they can retreat from the overwhelming demands of the physical world.
Their shared Se would reinforce their tendency towards introspection and visionary thinking, ensuring that their relationship remains focused on the abstract, the intellectual, and the strategic.
In conclusion, an INFJ female darling offers Fyodor a harmonious blend of shared intuitive depth and complementary emotional intelligence.
Her Ni resonates with his, creating a deep, almost mystical connection, while her Fe introduces warmth and empathy into his otherwise cold, calculated world.
Her Ti supports and refines his Te-driven plans without challenging his authority, and their shared inferior Se creates a mutual understanding of their need for isolation from the sensory overload of the external world.
While an INFP might provide a softer, more whimsical counterbalance, the INFJ offers a partnership rooted in shared vision and mutual understanding, making her the second-best match for Fyodor's complex, INTJ personality.
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DAZAI OSAMU
ENTP (The Debater / Visionary) - Ne > Ti > Fe > Si
Dazaiâs dominant function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne), reveals itself in his constant exploration of possibilities and his ability to see multiple angles in any situation.
Dazai operates in a world of endless potential, always considering what could be rather than what is. This makes him unpredictable and difficult to pin down, as he is always a step ahead, contemplating outcomes and scenarios that others might overlook.
His strategic brilliance is a direct result of his Ne, allowing him to manipulate events and people with a creativity that is unmatched.
Dazaiâs love for chaos and his playful, almost mischievous nature also stem from this dominant function, as he thrives in environments where he can test boundaries and explore new ideas.
Next, we have Introverted Thinking (Ti), Dazaiâs auxiliary function, which he uses to analyze situations with a cold, logical precision.
Ti drives Dazai to understand the underlying mechanics of the world around him, breaking down complex problems into their fundamental components. This function is what gives Dazai his sharp, analytical mind, allowing him to devise intricate plans and see through the facades of others.
His Ti also explains his philosophical musings and existential questioning, as he is constantly trying to make sense of the world and his place in it. Despite his often lighthearted demeanor, there is a deeply intellectual side to Dazai that is always at work, dissecting and evaluating everything he encounters.
His tertiary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), is less prominent but still plays a crucial role in how Dazai interacts with others. While he often comes across as detached, Dazai is acutely aware of social dynamics and the emotions of those around him.
He uses this awareness to his advantage, charming or manipulating others as the situation requires. Fe allows Dazai to adapt to different social environments effortlessly, making him a social chameleon who can navigate complex interpersonal relationships with ease.
However, this function also reveals a more manipulative side to Dazai, as he tends to use his understanding of emotions not to connect with others, but to influence and control them.
Lastly, Dazaiâs inferior function, Introverted Sensing (Si), is the least developed, manifesting in his apparent disconnection from tradition and the past.
Unlike characters who draw strength from their memories or rely on established routines, Dazai is often seen rejecting or ignoring these aspects of life.
His Si deficiency is evident in his restless nature and his constant search for new experiences, as he struggles to find meaning or stability in what has already been.
This disconnect from Si also contributes to his existential despair, as he finds it difficult to ground himself in any lasting sense of identity or purpose.
In conclusion, Dazai embodies the traits of an ENTP through his dominant Ne, which fuels his endless curiosity and strategic foresight; his auxiliary Ti, which sharpens his analytical thinking; his tertiary Fe, which he uses to navigate and manipulate social interactions; and his inferior Si, which leads to a sense of disconnection from tradition and the past.
These cognitive functions, taken together, explain his complex and often contradictory character, as well as his tendency to oscillate between playful banter and deep existential reflection.
His darling: INFJ - Ni > Fe > Ti > Se
Or ENFJ - Fe > Ni > Se > Ti
INFJ (The Advocate/Counselor):
For Dazai, an INFJ female darling would be the ideal match, complementing and balancing his complex, multifaceted ENTP nature.
Dazaiâs dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) thrives on possibilities, unpredictability, and the exploration of various outcomes, often leading him into chaotic and uncharted territories. An INFJâs dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), would resonate with Dazaiâs Ne, but in a way that brings focus and depth to his endless curiosity.
While Dazaiâs Ne scatters in multiple directions, the INFJâs Ni would help him see the underlying patterns and deeper meaning behind his explorations, guiding his often chaotic energy into more purposeful and profound insights.
Her Ni would provide a sense of direction that Dazaiâs Ne sometimes lacks, allowing them to explore the abstract and conceptual together, but with a shared vision rather than aimless wandering.
Her Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as an auxiliary function would offer a crucial emotional anchor for Dazai, whose Extraverted Feeling (Fe), while present, is often used more for manipulation than genuine connection.
The INFJâs Fe, however, is deeply empathetic, focused on creating harmony and understanding in her relationships. This emotional intelligence would be a soothing balm to Dazaiâs restless soul, providing the warmth and connection he often deflects with humor or detachment.
Her Fe would help Dazai engage with his own emotions more honestly, encouraging him to forge deeper, more meaningful relationships rather than merely skimming the surface.
This would be especially significant for Dazai, whose tertiary Fe can sometimes lead him to feel disconnected from others despite his ability to read social dynamics effortlessly.
The INFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), as her tertiary function, would complement Dazaiâs auxiliary Ti, creating an intellectual synergy that both would appreciate.
While Dazai uses his Ti to deconstruct the world around him with sharp, analytical precision, the INFJâs Ti would offer a quieter, more introspective form of analysis.
Her Ti would challenge Dazaiâs sometimes impulsive leaps of logic, encouraging him to consider the ethical and philosophical implications of his actions more deeply. Together, their combined Ti would lead to rich, intellectual conversations, where they can explore complex ideas and theories, each offering a perspective that sharpens the otherâs understanding.
Lastly, the INFJâs Extroverted Sensing (Se), though her inferior function, would mirror Dazaiâs own inferior Introverted Sensing (Si) in a way that fosters mutual understanding and growth.
Both struggle with staying grounded in the present moment and often feel disconnected from the physical world or their own past.
However, this shared deficiency would allow them to support one another, finding solace in their mutual discomfort.
The INFJâs Se might encourage Dazai to occasionally step out of his head and experience the world more fully, while Dazaiâs Ne could help the INFJ see the potential beyond what is immediately tangible.
Together, they would create a partnership that balances the abstract with the concrete, allowing them to explore both the potential of the future and the reality of the present.
In conclusion, an INFJ female darling would not only complement Dazaiâs ENTP nature but also provide the emotional depth, intellectual stimulation, and intuitive insight that he often seeks but struggles to find.
Her Ni would bring focus to his Ne, her Fe would offer genuine emotional connection where his Fe might falter, her Ti would refine his analytical thinking, and their shared challenges with Se and Si would foster a deep understanding of each otherâs struggles.
This relationship would offer Dazai a rare blend of intellectual challenge and emotional support, making the INFJ the best possible partner for his complex and often contradictory character.
ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):
An ENFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Dazai Osamu, providing a relationship dynamic that complements and balances his ENTP nature in several key ways.
Dazaiâs dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) fuels his exploration of possibilities and his knack for seeing multiple angles of any situation. An ENFJâs dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would harmonize with Dazaiâs Ne, but in a manner that emphasizes emotional connection and social harmony.
The ENFJâs Fe is adept at understanding and influencing othersâ emotions, which would provide Dazai with a stabilizing force, guiding his often chaotic and unpredictable Ne through a lens of empathy and relational awareness. Her Fe would help Dazai see beyond his own intellectual pursuits and appreciate the emotional impact of his actions on those around him.
The ENFJâs Introverted Intuition (Ni) as her auxiliary function complements Dazaiâs Ne by providing depth and focus to their shared explorations.
While Dazaiâs Ne leads him to constantly generate new ideas and scenarios, the ENFJâs Ni would help in distilling these possibilities into a coherent vision. This alignment between Ne and Ni would create a synergy where their ideas are not just imaginative but also strategically meaningful.
The ENFJâs Extraverted Sensing (Se) as her tertiary function brings a practical, immediate awareness that contrasts with Dazaiâs own inferior Introverted Sensing (Si).
While Dazai often struggles with connecting to the present moment and the sensory details of life, the ENFJâs Se would offer a grounding influence.
Her ability to engage with the external environment would provide a counterbalance to Dazaiâs tendency to overlook sensory experiences and tradition. This could help Dazai become more attuned to the here-and-now, enriching his experiences and providing a more balanced perspective on life.
Finally, the ENFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), her inferior function, would offer a unique intellectual counterpoint to Dazaiâs dominant Ti.
While Dazaiâs Ti is sharp and analytical, often used to dissect and strategize, the ENFJâs Ti, though less developed, would bring a different flavor of logical analysis.
Her Ti would provide a thoughtful, albeit less dominant, approach to problem-solving, complementing Dazaiâs more assertive analytical style. This could lead to rich, nuanced discussions where her perspective enhances his own.
In summary, an ENFJ darling would offer Dazai a blend of emotional depth, strategic insight, and practical grounding.
Her dominant Fe would foster genuine emotional connections and help Dazai consider the social and emotional ramifications of his actions.
Her Ni would add depth and direction to his Ne-driven explorations, making their intellectual pursuits more coherent.
Her Se would ground him in the present, counterbalancing his detachment from sensory experiences, while her Ti would complement and refine his analytical approaches.
Together, they would form a partnership where Dazaiâs intellectual brilliance is balanced by the ENFJâs warmth, vision, and practical insight, making her an excellent second-best match for his dynamic ENTP personality.
In conclusion, an INFJ would offer Dazai deep emotional understanding and intuitive focus, complementing his Ne with depth and introspection.
In contrast, an ENFJ would provide vibrant emotional support and practical grounding, balancing his Ne with empathy and vision while offering immediate sensory awareness.
Both types would enrich Dazaiâs life, with the INFJ providing profound, intuitive insight and the ENFJ offering dynamic emotional connection and practical stability.
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NAKAHARA CHUUYA
ESTP ( The Entrepreneur / Dynamo) - Se > Ti > Fe > Ni
Chuuya is a character who clearly exemplifies the ESTP personality type. His energetic demeanor, tactical mindset, and grounded approach to life can be understood through the lens of this personality type, revealing a man who thrives on action, pragmatic problem-solving, and sensory experiences.
At the forefront of Chuuyaâs character is his dominant function, Extraverted Sensing (Se). This function drives Chuuyaâs immediate, action-oriented approach to life. He is intensely aware of his surroundings, reacting quickly to changes and seizing opportunities as they arise.
Chuuyaâs preference for hands-on engagement and his readiness to dive into action reflect his high Se, which is evident in his frequent physical confrontations and his ability to handle high-pressure situations with remarkable composure.
His keen sense of fashion is also a manifestation of his Seâhis attention to stylish, elegant attire and personal presentation highlights his acute awareness of his environment and his desire to make a tangible impact on those around him.
This focus on immediate, sensory experiences underscores his reliance on Se, making him a master of adapting to and manipulating his environment in real-time.
Next is Introverted Thinking (Ti), Chuuyaâs auxiliary function, which supports his strategic prowess and decision-making. While Chuuya is often seen as impulsive and driven by immediate sensations, his actions are underpinned by a logical framework that guides his responses and strategies.
His Ti helps him analyze situations with a critical eye, allowing him to understand and exploit the underlying mechanics of conflicts and challenges. This function contributes to his ability to think on his feet and devise practical solutions to complex problems, aligning with his reputation as a formidable tactician within the Port Mafia.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe), Chuuyaâs tertiary function, reveals itself in his interactions with others and his capacity for emotional expression.
While Chuuya may come across as brash and direct, his Fe is evident in his concern for his allies and his desire for harmony within his sphere of influence.
His loyalty and protective nature, particularly toward those he values, highlight his underlying emotional sensitivity and his need to maintain social cohesion.
Although he may not always express his feelings openly, his actions often reflect a deep-seated desire to connect with and support those he cares about, indicating that his Fe is engaged in maintaining relationships and managing social dynamics.
Finally, Chuuyaâs inferior function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), is the least developed and manifests as a disinterest or discomfort with long-term planning and abstract conceptualization.
Unlike characters who are comfortable envisioning future possibilities and intricate schemes, Chuuya is more focused on the present moment and immediate concerns.
His actions and decisions are primarily driven by the current situation rather than long-term projections, suggesting that he is less inclined to engage in deep, abstract thinking.
This disconnection from Ni is reflected in his preference for direct action over speculative or future-oriented planning.
In conclusion, Chuuya embodies the ESTP personality through his dominant Se, which drives his action-oriented and sensory-focused approach, including his keen sense of fashion; his auxiliary Ti, which supports his tactical thinking and problem-solving; his tertiary Fe, which influences his emotional interactions and loyalty; and his inferior Ni, which leads to a preference for present-focused, pragmatic decisions.
His darling: ISFJ - Si > Fe > Ti > Ne
Or ESFJ - Fe > Si > Ne >Ti
ISFJ (The Protector / Defender)
An ISFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Chuuya Nakahara, providing a harmonious balance to his dynamic ESTP personality. Her dominant Introverted Sensing (Si) would offer the grounding and stability that Chuuya, with his action-oriented and spontaneous approach to life, often lacks.
Her strong connection to tradition and the past would provide a comforting anchor for Chuuya, helping him appreciate consistency and reliability, which are sometimes overlooked in his pursuit of immediate, sensory experiences.
The ISFJâs Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would perfectly complement Chuuyaâs tertiary Fe, creating a nurturing and emotionally supportive relationship.
While Chuuyaâs Fe drives him to protect and connect with those he cares about, her more developed Fe would bring warmth, compassion, and an understanding of social dynamics that could soften Chuuyaâs rougher edges.
Her natural ability to maintain harmony and cater to the emotional needs of others would resonate with Chuuyaâs loyalty and protectiveness, fostering a deep emotional bond based on mutual care and respect.
Her Introverted Thinking (Ti), though secondary to her Si and Fe, would align well with Chuuyaâs auxiliary Ti. Both would appreciate each otherâs logical approach to problem-solving and decision-making.
Her Ti would offer a calm, methodical perspective that could help Chuuya refine his strategies and think through the consequences of his actions more thoroughly, especially in situations where his impulsive nature might otherwise lead him astray.
Lastly, the ISFJâs Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as her inferior function, would introduce a subtle yet valuable element of novelty and open-mindedness into the relationship. While her Ne is less dominant, it would still encourage Chuuya to occasionally consider new possibilities and explore ideas beyond his immediate focus.
This would add a refreshing dynamic to their relationship, allowing them to grow together as they explore new experiences within the safety and security of their shared bond.
In conclusion, an ISFJ female darling would provide Chuuya with the stability, emotional support, and subtle encouragement he needs to thrive both personally and within his intense lifestyle. Her grounding Si, nurturing Fe, logical Ti, and adaptable Ne would create a balanced and fulfilling relationship, making her the best match for Chuuyaâs ESTP personality.
ESFJ (The Provider / Consul)
An ESFJ female darling would be an excellent second option for Chuuya Nakahara, offering a complementary dynamic to his ESTP personality. Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would naturally resonate with Chuuyaâs own Fe, albeit at a more developed level, creating a relationship built on mutual emotional understanding and a strong sense of loyalty.
While Chuuyaâs Fe drives him to protect and maintain harmony within his circle, her Fe would bring an even deeper focus on fostering social connections and ensuring that the emotional needs of those around them are met.
This shared focus on relationships would strengthen their bond and make them a formidable team when it comes to navigating the social complexities of their world.
The ESFJâs Introverted Sensing (Si), as her auxiliary function, would offer Chuuya the stability and groundedness he sometimes lacks in his spontaneous and action-driven approach to life.
Her strong connection to tradition and the past would provide a comforting and steady influence, helping Chuuya to appreciate the value of consistency and reliability in both his personal life and his role within the Port Mafia.
This would be especially valuable in moments when Chuuyaâs dominant Se might lead him to prioritize the thrill of the present over long-term stability.
Her tertiary Extraverted Intuition (Ne) would also introduce a subtle, yet important element of adaptability and creativity into their relationship.
While Chuuyaâs focus is often on the immediate and concrete, her Ne would encourage him to explore new ideas and possibilities, adding a layer of flexibility and innovation to their partnership.
This could help Chuuya think beyond the immediate and consider different perspectives, which could be particularly useful in his tactical decision-making.
Finally, the ESFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), though less developed, would complement Chuuyaâs auxiliary Ti by providing a more structured and methodical approach to problem-solving.
Her Ti would help balance Chuuyaâs sometimes impulsive decision-making, encouraging him to consider the logical implications of his actions in a more deliberate manner.
In summary, an ESFJ female darling would be a wonderful partner for Chuuya, offering emotional depth, stability, and a complementary approach to both their social and practical lives.
Her Fe and Si would harmonize well with Chuuyaâs own functions, while her Ne and Ti would provide subtle but important enhancements to their relationship, making her an excellent second-best option for Chuuyaâs ESTP personality.
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NIKOLAI GOGOL
(I will update this!)
ENTP (The Debater / Visionary) - Ne > Ti > Fe > Si
This one was hard, he is not easy to type. I considered ENFP < ESFP and < ENTP. I ended up picking ENTP for him.
Extraverted Intuition (Ne), the ENTP's dominant function, manifests vividly in Nikolai's boundless exploration of ideas and possibilities. His constant drive to test boundaries and challenge conventional norms speaks to an ENTP's relentless pursuit of novel experiences and understanding.
Nikolaiâs actions, driven by a desire to prove his liberation from emotional constraints, are classic Ne â his approach to life is experimental and driven by a fascination with the abstract and unconventional.
His decision to engage in morally questionable acts to demonstrate his freedom from human limitations further illustrates his inclination toward exploring and expanding his conceptual horizons, a hallmark of Neâs propensity for envisioning endless possibilities.
Introverted Thinking (Ti), the auxiliary function of an ENTP, underpins Nikolaiâs strategic and analytical nature. Despite his apparent recklessness, Nikolai's actions are meticulously calculated to achieve his goal of emotional and psychological transcendence.
His ability to analyze and deconstruct situations logically, while crafting elaborate plans to prove his independence from societal norms, underscores the role of Ti. This function supports his propensity for complex problem-solving and his knack for understanding the underlying principles of his actions, even if those principles involve pushing ethical boundaries.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe), as the tertiary function, reflects Nikolaiâs awareness of social dynamics and his manipulation of them to serve his ends. While Nikolai exhibits a certain detachment from the emotional impact of his actions, his awareness of and strategic use of social interactions are indicative of Fe.
He navigates social contexts with a calculated precision, aiming to influence and manipulate perceptions to align with his personal ideals. This function reveals his skill in using emotional insights to further his agenda, even as he maintains an outward appearance of detachment.
Introverted Sensing (Si), the inferior function, highlights Nikolai's lesser focus on detailed past experiences and established conventions. ENTPs typically exhibit a less pronounced interest in the specifics of past experiences, preferring instead to innovate and explore new possibilities.
Nikolaiâs disregard for the emotional weight of his actions and his preference for forward-thinking experimentation over reflective consideration of past experiences align with Siâs inferior role. His approach to life is characterized by a focus on present and future possibilities rather than a detailed engagement with past experiences.
In summary, Nikolai Gogol embodies the ENTP personality type through his dominant Ne, which drives his exploration of unconventional ideas and possibilities; his auxiliary Ti, which supports his strategic and analytical thinking; his tertiary Fe, which influences his social manipulation and awareness; and his inferior Si, which reflects his limited focus on past details and experiences.
His darling: ENFJ (Fe>Ni>Se>Ti)
Or ESFJ (Fe>Si>Ne>Ti)
ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):
An ENFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Nikolai Gogol, perfectly complementing and balancing his ENTP personality with her emotional intelligence, visionary thinking, and ability to bring out the best in others.
Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would be crucial in connecting with Nikolai on an emotional level, something he often neglects due to his detached and experimental approach to life.
Her natural empathy and understanding of social dynamics would allow her to navigate Nikolaiâs complex personality, helping him engage with the emotional consequences of his actions and bringing a sense of humanity to his otherwise abstract pursuits.
Her Introverted Intuition (Ni) would align beautifully with Nikolaiâs dominant Ne, providing a sense of shared vision and purpose. While Nikolai is constantly exploring new possibilities and pushing boundaries, the ENFJâs Ni would offer a deeper, more focused perspective, helping him to see the long-term implications of his actions and to channel his boundless creativity towards meaningful goals. This partnership would enable Nikolai to balance his constant experimentation with a more grounded and purposeful approach to life.
The ENFJâs Extraverted Sensing (Se), as her tertiary function, would complement Nikolaiâs auxiliary Ti by helping him stay connected to the present moment and the tangible world around him.
While he is often caught up in abstract ideas and strategic thinking, her Se would encourage him to appreciate the immediate beauty of life, grounding his experiences in reality. This would help Nikolai to not only plan and theorize but also to enjoy and engage with the present in a more sensory, fulfilling way.
Finally, the ENFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), though less developed, would still offer a subtle, logical structure that could help Nikolai refine his thoughts and ideas.
Her Ti would gently support his complex problem-solving processes, ensuring that his plans and strategies are both emotionally and logically sound. This balance would help Nikolai avoid the potential pitfalls of over-theorizing or becoming too detached from reality, giving him a well-rounded perspective on life.
In summary, an ENFJ female darling would provide the emotional depth, visionary focus, and practical grounding that Nikolai needs to thrive.
Her Fe would connect with him on an emotional level, her Ni would align with his visionary thinking, her Se would help him stay grounded in the present, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support. Together, these qualities would make her the best possible match for Nikolai, bringing out the best in his complex, ENTP personality.
ESFJ ( The Provider / Consul):
An ESFJ female darling would be an excellent second-best match for Nikolai Gogol, offering a grounding and nurturing presence that complements his ENTP personality. Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would provide the strong emotional connection that Nikolai often overlooks in his pursuit of abstract ideas and unconventional experiences. Her natural empathy and desire to maintain harmony in relationships would help balance Nikolaiâs more detached and experimental tendencies, encouraging him to consider the emotional impact of his actions on those around him.
The ESFJâs Introverted Sensing (Si), as her auxiliary function, would contrast with Nikolaiâs inferior Si, helping him to connect with and appreciate the past and established traditions. While Nikolai is constantly focused on exploring new possibilities and pushing boundaries, her Si would offer him a sense of continuity and stability. She could help him ground his ideas in reality by drawing on past experiences and proven methods, ensuring that his innovative approaches are not only creative but also practical and effective.
Her Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as a tertiary function, would resonate with Nikolaiâs dominant Ne, creating a shared enthusiasm for exploring possibilities and generating new ideas. While her Ne is less dominant, it would still enable her to understand and engage with Nikolaiâs creative mind, supporting his need for intellectual stimulation and novel experiences. This alignment would allow them to enjoy dynamic and adventurous conversations, keeping their relationship intellectually vibrant.
Finally, the ESFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), though her inferior function, would offer a subtle but important balance to Nikolaiâs strong Ti. Her Ti would help her understand and appreciate the logical structure of Nikolaiâs thoughts, even if she doesnât naturally prioritize logic in the same way. This would allow her to support his analytical processes while still bringing a more compassionate and emotionally aware perspective to their interactions.
In summary, an ESFJ female darling would bring emotional warmth, stability, and a shared enthusiasm for new experiences to Nikolaiâs life. Her Fe would nurture and balance his more detached tendencies, her Si would ground his ideas in reality, her Ne would complement his creative exploration, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support.
These qualities make her a strong second-best match for Nikolai, helping him to connect more deeply with others while still enjoying the intellectual and creative stimulation he craves.
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AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE
ISFP (The Adventurer / Composer ) - Fi > Se > Ni > Te
Akutagawa's dominant function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), reveals itself in his deeply personal sense of morality and the intense emotions that drive his actions. Although Akutagawa often appears cold and ruthless, his actions are motivated by a strong internal value system that he seldom reveals to others.
His need for validation, particularly from Dazai, is rooted in a profound sense of inadequacy and a desperate desire to prove his worth. This internal emotional landscape, characterized by Fi, defines Akutagawaâs motivations and underlies his quest for recognition, even as he grapples with feelings of rejection and worthlessness.
Next, we have Extraverted Sensing (Se), Akutagawaâs auxiliary function, which manifests in his acute awareness of his physical surroundings and his reactive combat style. Akutagawa thrives in high-pressure situations, where his ability, Rashomon, is wielded with precision and adaptability.
His Se drives him to engage with the world directly and immediately, making him a formidable force in battle. This function supports his Fi by allowing him to take swift and decisive action in pursuit of his personal goals, often leading to intense and violent encounters that are driven by his emotional undercurrents.
His tertiary function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), plays a subtler but significant role in his character. While Akutagawa is primarily focused on the present, there is a persistent sense of future orientation in his actions.
His Ni is evident in his long-term goal of gaining Dazaiâs approval and the way he internalizes past experiences to guide his decisions. This function supports his Fi by giving him a sense of purpose and direction, even if it is often clouded by his immediate emotional responses.
Akutagawaâs Ni also manifests in his ability to foresee the consequences of his actions, though this is often secondary to his more dominant functions.
Lastly, Akutagawaâs inferior function, Extraverted Thinking (Te), is the least developed and manifests in his occasional struggle with logical organization and external structure. While Akutagawa can be strategic and methodical in battle, his approach is more often driven by his emotions and immediate sensory inputs rather than a clear, logical framework.
His Te surfaces when he attempts to impose order or efficiency in his environment, but these efforts are often overshadowed by his more dominant Fi and Se functions.
This inferior Te contributes to his difficulties in aligning his internal values with the external world, leading to a sense of frustration and conflict when his actions fail to achieve the desired results.
In conclusion, Akutagawa embodies the traits of an ISFP through his dominant Fi, which drives his intense emotional core and need for validation; his auxiliary Se, which fuels his reactive and physically engaging combat style; his tertiary Ni, which provides a sense of direction and future orientation; and his inferior Te, which occasionally struggles to impose order on his chaotic inner world.
His darling: ISFJ - Si > Fe > Ti > Ne
Or ENFJ - Fe > Si > Ne > Ti
ISFJ - (The Protector / Defender)
An ISFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Akutagawa, providing the stability, care, and emotional grounding that his turbulent ISFP personality craves.
Her dominant Introverted Sensing (Si) would offer Akutagawa a sense of continuity and reliability, something he deeply lacks in his chaotic life. Her ability to recall and value the past would help him feel anchored, offering him a safe emotional space where he can reflect on his experiences without feeling judged or misunderstood.
This grounding presence would counterbalance his reactive and intense Extraverted Sensing (Se), allowing him to find solace in a more structured, stable environment.
The ISFJâs Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would complement Akutagawaâs deeply personal Introverted Feeling (Fi) by helping him navigate his emotions in a more outward, constructive manner. Her natural empathy and concern for others would provide him with the validation and understanding he seeks but often feels he doesnât deserve.
Through her Fe, she would help Akutagawa express his feelings in a way that fosters connection rather than isolation, gradually teaching him that he is valued for who he is, not just for his abilities or his success in battle.
Her Introverted Thinking (Ti), while not as prominent, would provide a quiet, logical framework that could help Akutagawa make sense of his internal conflicts.
This function would assist in gently guiding him toward clearer, more structured thinking without overwhelming his emotional processes. Her Ti would act as a subtle but important counterbalance to his chaotic internal world, offering a perspective that is both patient and rational, helping him organize his thoughts and decisions more effectively.
Lastly, the ISFJâs Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as her inferior function, would resonate with Akutagawaâs Introverted Intuition (Ni), fostering a mutual understanding of future possibilities and deeper meanings.
While her Ne is less developed, it would still complement his Ni by encouraging him to consider alternative perspectives and outcomes, subtly broadening his view without destabilizing his primary focus.
In summary, an ISFJ female darling would bring the stability, emotional support, and gentle guidance that Akutagawa desperately needs.
Her Si would provide grounding, her Fe would offer emotional understanding, her Ti would introduce subtle logic, and her Ne would complement his intuitive insights.
Together, these qualities would help Akutagawa find the balance and emotional connection he craves, making her the best possible match for him.
ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):
An ENFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Akutagawa, offering him the emotional guidance and supportive leadership that could help him grow beyond his inner turmoil.
Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would provide a nurturing and empathetic environment, allowing Akutagawa to feel understood and valued.
Her ability to connect with others on an emotional level would help him open up and express his feelings, easing his deep-seated need for validation and helping him navigate his intense Introverted Feeling (Fi) with more clarity and compassion.
The ENFJâs Introverted Intuition (Ni) would align with Akutagawaâs own Ni, fostering a shared sense of purpose and vision. Her ability to see the bigger picture and understand the deeper implications of their actions would resonate with his need for meaning and direction.
This connection would help him focus his energy and emotions on long-term goals, providing a sense of purpose that extends beyond his immediate struggles.
Her Extraverted Sensing (Se), as her tertiary function, would complement Akutagawaâs auxiliary Se, encouraging him to engage more fully with the present moment.
While her Se is not as dominant, it would still offer a playful and dynamic energy that could help Akutagawa enjoy lifeâs experiences more openly and with less fear.
This would balance his sometimes overwhelming focus on immediate, intense sensory inputs, helping him approach situations with a bit more lightness and adaptability.
Lastly, the ENFJâs Introverted Thinking (Ti), as her inferior function, would provide a subtle but important balance to Akutagawaâs chaotic internal world.
Though not her strongest function, her Ti would still offer a logical framework that could help him analyze situations more objectively. This would aid in softening the extremes of his Fi and Se, guiding him toward more balanced and thoughtful decision-making.
In summary, an ENFJ female darling would bring emotional warmth, shared vision, and a supportive, structured approach to Akutagawaâs life.
Her Fe would help him connect and express his emotions, her Ni would align with his sense of purpose, her Se would complement his present-focused intensity, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support.
Together, these qualities would help Akutagawa find emotional balance and a sense of belonging, making her an excellent match for him.
#bungou stray dogs#bsd#yandere bsd#bsd fyodor#bungou stray dogs fyodor#fyodor dostoevsky#fyodor dostoyevsky bsd#fyodor x you#dazai analysis#bungo stray dogs dazai#dazai#osamu x reader#dazai osamu#bsd chuuya x reader#bungo stray dogs chuuya#chuuya x reader#bsd chuuya#bungou stray dogs chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bsd analysis#bsd dazai#bsd nikolai gogol#bsd nikolai#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa ryuunosuke#mbti personalities#bsd mbti#mbti#MBTI analysis#bungou stray dogs dazai
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Omg the post about Sentinel, I am now dying to know his story and how he plays a part in all this!
Although, gonna go on another nerd rant here. I can't help but wonder what happened to Sentinel? Sure, he's an egotistical asshat but like, something probably went wrong, probably Zeta did something or Sentinel was his own downfall.
Like, one thing I noticed, including the older post of Sentinel, is how he looks at Zeta. Like, in his younger days, he seemed bright, eager, happy, and probably took pride in being an Apprentice of Zeta.
Yet, seeing him as a Prime and noticing how he looks at Zeta with no interest & with a hint of disdain, almost like he resents him in a way, makes me think about the possibilities of what went wrong? Did Zeta do something? Did Sentinel just felt the need to be on top of the Food Chain? Did others or someone in particular hurt Sentinel? What if Zeta did what D-16 did by finding Sentinel "Insignificant", or maybe it's the other way around with Sentinel finding Zeta "Insignificant"?
Who knows, but either way, it's quite a very interesting side story that needs to be told more...right after we get MegOp out of the way with their soon to be divorce.
(Sorry if you answered this stuff already though)
Oh never apologize I LOVE reading analysis on my work, makes me feel super appreciated â¤ď¸
I wonât reveal too much details but yes, Sentinel used to be very earnest and quite pure, the environment changed him, zeta changed him and he changed himself. Even now as a Prime, heâs still being molded and itâs an uncomfortable spot for him. There was no âInsignificantâ moment that happened, Zeta doesnât struggle with his affection for Sentinel, not externally
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The Most Powerful Hack to Make Your Readers Cry
Youâve seen it all: show, donât tell, plant a visceral image in the readerâs brain of the environment/character, write a complex character arc with lots of growth and setbacks, establish deep relationships, high stakes, etc.Â
All the advice for making readers cry Iâve seen so far is basically that list. But, while those things are absolutely important, I find that the thing that always does the trick, whether as a tipping point or in and of itself, is this:Â
THE CALLBACK!Â
Before we move on, this is an ANALYSIS heavy post, so all the book + show examples contain spoilers!!
So, what do I mean by a âcallback?â Think of Chekhovâs gun, but, here, you use the gun to pierce your readerâs heart. As a refresher for anyone who needs it, Chekhovâs gun is just a rule in writing that anything you introduce in the book should play some role in the plot.
Specifically, the name comes from the example that if a reader introduces a gun in the first act, it MUST go off later, (maybe, say, in the third act). For example, in the TV show Breaking Bad, the protagonist Walter White prepares a vial of poison (ricin) that he wanted to use to eliminate an opponent early on in the series. After the assassination attempt falls through, the ricin makes an appearance again in the very last episode of the show, when Walt finally uses it to kill another opponent.Â
Got that? Alright, onto the examples of successful, tearjerking callbacks:Â
1. The Last Olympian (Rick Riordan); âFamily, Luke, you promised.âÂ
Context: The character Annabeth says this line. Years ago, Annabeth had run away from home, and Luke had effectively adopted her into a found family with another kid named Thalia. Common reason for leaving home = parental trauma! Yay! He promised Annabeth that they would be each otherâs âfamilyâ from now on.Â
Now: Kronos, the antagonist titan, has possessed the demigod Luke and uses his body to strike Annabeth, injuring her. Sheâs also holding a dagger that Luke had given her when she joined his âfamily.â
Significance: her words + the dagger are a mental + physical reminder to Luke of his promise. They force him to recognize the sheer degree of his current betrayal by bringing him back to a different time. The fact that their found family only happened because of parental trauma bringing them together makes it worseâLuke felt abandoned by his Olympian father, Hermes. Now, he realizes that he basically did the equivalent to Annabeth by joining the titans.Â
2. Les Miserables (Victor Hugo); Jean Valjeanâs deathÂ
Context:Â At the beginning of the book, the bishop had caught Valjean trying to steal candlesticks to sell. Instead of handing him over to the police, the bishop told the police that he had given them to Valjean, saving him from arrest and showing him mercy. This changed his life forever, kickstarting his character redemption arc.Â
Now:Â Jean Valjean dies surrounded by his loved ones, remembered as a benevolent man who bettered thousands of lives. Heâs surrounded by light from candlesticks that once belonged to a bishop.
Context: Valjean had once taken in an impoverished woman named Fantine, showing her mercy and promising to take care of her daughter, Cosette, after Fantine died. Valjean then rescued Cosette from abusive quasi-foster parents (itâs a long story), raising her as his own daughter. This furthered his arc by allowing him to finally understand how unconditionally loving someone feels.Â
Now: Valjean describes Fantine to Cosette, who never knew her mother.Â
Significance: Both examples throw readers back to much earlier points in the story before the completion of Valjeanâs character arc. In a way, this final scene feels like an external manifestation of his kindness paying off; both he and the reader feels a sense of accomplishment, relief, and just a general âOMG WE MADE IT.â Readers donât feel cheated, because they were with Valjean every step of his 1,400 page arc. The weight of it all just crashes down on you...
3. Your Lie in April (anime); Kaoriâs letter after she dies
Context: Kaoriâs entire plot significance is that she helps Kousei, a piano prodigy who canât play piano anymore due to traumatic parental memories associated with it, play againâbut also, just to help him enjoy life again after a turbulent upbringing. She meets him a year before she dies of a medical condition, and her free spirit + confidence influences him to find beauty in life and music again. They basically do a crap ton of crazy funny stuff together lol
Now: Kaori has died, and she leaves a letter to him. Among other general confessions and thoughts, she references things they did and memories they shared: she says, âsorry we couldnât eat all those canelĂŠs,â reminisces about jumping with him off a small bridge into the stream below, âracing each other alongside the train,â singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as they rode the bike together, etc.
Significance: Yes, the nature of the letter is just sad because sheâs revealing that she loved him all along, apologizing for not being able to spend more time with him, lying that she didnât like him (to spare his feelings b/c she knew she would die soon), etc. BUT, these small details highlight exactly how many experiences they shared, and the depth of their relationship. Thus, they emphasize the significance of her death and the emptiness it leaves behind.Â
4. Arcane (show); âI thought, maybe you could love me like you used to, even though Iâm different.âÂ
Context: Character Jinx says this in the last episode to her now estranged older sister, Vi. Without going into the crazy complex plot, basically, orphans Vi and Jinx used to care for each other before a bunch of crap went down that got them separated. They then grew up on opposite political sides; Jinx grows up on the side of the underbelly city rebellion, and Vi grows up working on the side of the richer city that essentially oppresses the undercity. Thus begins the development of their opposing viewpoints and work environments, to the point where they always meet on opposite sides of a political battle, never able to come together as a family or understand each other again.Â
Now: After a super dramatic confrontation, Jinx reveals that although she wants Vi to love her like she did before their separation, she knows itâs not possible because â[Vi] changed too.â She finishes with, âso, hereâs to the new usâ before blowing up a political council meeting a few blocks down filled with people Vi sides with. Oops! This cleanly seals the fate of their relationship as something basically irreparable. Â
Significance: This callback isnât through literal flashbacks or items like in the previous examples. Jinxâ lines are enough to bring back images of their childhood to the audienceâs mind. Now, the audience subconsciously places this image of: 1) two sisters so different, hurt, and torn apart, right next to 2) the image of two sisters as innocent children who loved each other and would care for each other no matter what.Â
Why do callbacks work so well?Â
If youâve noticed something in common with all of them, youâre right: they remind audience of a time BEFORE the characters have come so far on their arcs, developed, and put on so much more emotional baggage.Â
Callbacks force the audience to SUDDENLY and IMMEDIATELY feel the weight of everything thatâs happened. The characterâs anguish and overwhelming emotions become the audienceâs in this moment. Callbacks are a vehicle for the juxtaposition of worlds, before and after significant development.Â
This works because we, as mortals, fear IMPERMANENCE the most. We fear LOSS. For us, time gone is time we will never get back; callbacks make us face that exact fact through a fictional character. A lost moment, time period, or even part of oneself may hurt as much as losing a loved one, and nothing makes humans grieve more than the realization of a loss. A callback slaps the audience in the face with the fact that something was lost; loss hurts so much because almost 99% of the time, whatâs gone is gone forever.Â
Of course, a good callback requires good previous character development, stakes, imagery, and all that jazz, but I thought Iâd highlight this specifically because of how under covered it is.Â
ââ���ââââââ âžâźâ˝ âââââââ§ââ
instagram: @ grace_should_write
Iâve been binging general media lately: I finished Death Note, Your Lie in April, and Tokyo Ghoul all within like a month (FIRST ANIMES IâVE EVER WATCHED!!), reread lots of Les Miserables, analyzed a bunch of past shows like Breaking Bad, watched a bunch of My Little Pony, worked to fix up my old writing... and thatâs not even all! The amount of times Iâve CRIED while enjoying the above media and so much more honestly just inspired this post.Â
Like, no joke, my eyes were almost always swollen during this period whenever I hung out with my friends and it was so embarrassing helpÂ
Personally, I just find that this method works super well for me, and I watched a bunch of reaction videos to these above scenes (and read book reviews on the book scenes I mentioned), and it seemed that just about everyone cried during these parts. Thatâs when I realizes that the callback might also just be a universal thing.Â
Anyway, this post is long and dense enough as is. SORRY! As always, hope this was helpful, and let me know if you have any questions by commenting, re-blogging, or DMing me on IG. Any and all engagement is appreciated <3333
Happy writing, and have a great day,
- grace <3
#writers on tumblr#writing tips#writing#booktok#writer#writeblr#novel#writerslife#writergram#wattpad#media analysis#wip#ya fantasy#plot holes#characters#writing ideas#writing a book#anime#your lie in april#percy jackson#arcane
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Eternal Punishment: Ideology, Performance, and Martyrdom as Sunday's Expressions of the Death Drive
âSleep sleep happy child. All creation slept and smilâd. Sleep sleep, happy sleep, While oâer thee thy mother weepâ -William Blake, âA Cradle Song,â Songs of Innocence and of Experience âSo, where is my dream?â âIt is a continuation of reality.â âBut where is my reality?â âIt is at the end of your dream.â -The End of Evangelion (1997)
Considering the majority of his development occurred in Penaconyâs third act, Sunday has proven himself as a compelling antagonist who rivals both Takuto Maruki (Persona 5 Royal) and Kevin Kaslana (Honkai Impact 3rd) in grandiosity and pessimism. Although his motivations and methods closely resemble theirs, the tragic path that led Sunday to his rigid belief system began when he was still a child and is intimately related to his experience with family. Having both witnessed the suffering of others and experienced it himself, Sundayâs ideology was born with a single purpose: to shelter humanity from the pain of reality. His answer to life appears rational on its surface and is constructed with kind intentions, but in practice it would have damned the cosmos to a purgatorial world of constancy and doomed its creator to infinite loneliness. It is this tension between Sundayâs intentions and the truth of his actions that fascinates me, because it reveals a deeper conflict within him that is also at the center of Penaconyâs story. Here, Iâll use some of Freudâs psychoanalytic theories to illustrate what exactly that conflict is, and why itâs so important for a full understanding of both Penacony's finale and Sundayâs arc thus far.
Cohesion not guaranteed, my brain feels like swiss cheese after 2.2
Spoilers for the entire 2.2 Trailblaze Mission (In Our Time) and a small post-quest with Robin (The Feather He Dropped).
Disclaimer: All content in this post, especially the psychoanalysis, should be taken in the spirit of media analysis and nothing more. Also, corrections and additions are welcome, whether they are about interpreting Freud or HSR. :)Â
To cut down on post length, external sources (that is, any reading that is not official Star Rail material) are given as numbered in-text citations and gathered in a pastebin document linked at the bottom with the full title and exact page numbers of the source.
And before we begin, a huge thank you to my boyfriend for proofreading this numerous times despite not having played any Hoyoverse games, and for talking out the philosophy with me T_T Thatâs love right there!
Penacony, Freud, and the Occasion for the Death Drive
âThe IPC does not care about its workers! I bet you they would love it if those monsters came and killed me. That way they wouldnât have to pay for my pension!â âSounds like somebody could use a Sprinkles cupcake!â -Itâs Always Night in Penacony Show
It is impossible to avoid Sigmund Freud when discussing the psychology of dreams, and his psychoanalytic theories are tightly woven into nearly every aspect of Penaconyâs environment and story. Our most salient point of entry into his work is The Familyâs sweet dream, which embodies the base instinct in human nature towards pleasure-seeking behavior and instant gratification, even at the expense of self-preservation, also known as the pleasure principle.š Be it slot machines, luxury cars, decadent food, or endless shopping malls, everything in the sweet dream exists to further each guestâs pursuit of pleasureâsuch is the purpose of dreams, Freud theorized, as vehicles for wish-fulfillment.² âDeath,â let alone pain, is not allowed to exist in the sweet dream in order to preserve that pleasure:
âA further incentive to a disengagement of the ego from the general mass of sensationsâthat is, to the recognition of an âoutsideâ, an external worldâis provided by the frequent, manifold and unavoidable sensations of pain and unpleasure the removal of which is enjoined by the pleasure principle, in the exercise of its unrestricted domination. A tendency arises to separate from the ego everything that can become a source of such unpleasure, to throw it outside and to create a pure pleasure-ego which is confronted by a strange and threatening âoutsideââ (Freud, 1930, p. 4).Âł âOne of the twelve Dreamscapes in Penacony, and its time coincides with midnight. Here, the dream's time is forever stuck at 00:00. Tomorrow will not come, and this night of revelry will never endâ (Loading Screen: Golden Hour). Gallagher: âŚThink about this â what would it cost to create and maintain such a lavish dreamland? Gallagher: It's people's lives. The opulent dream is built upon the decay of spirits, with a toxic elixir called "pleasure" flowing through the Dreamscape. It tempts people to indulge in the Dreamscape, and gradually their minds succumb, becoming nourishment for the sweet dream. (The Public Enemy)
Aventurine: This dream [Memory Zone] of theirs isnât a boundless sea, itâs a lonely island. The Family used the Harmony to build a high wall and isolate them from the vast and treacherous ocean of the outside world.
But âdeathâ still lurks beneath the juvenile fantasy and its sweet commercial lies, in the yawning chasm proceeding spiritual death. This space, the Primordial Dreamscape, is a chaotic rendering of memories and emotions that goes beyond consumerism as the ultimate form of pleasure, and the high walls of the sweet dream separate each âMomentâ from its depths. It is the original form of the sweet dream, its primitive reflection in the Memory Zoneâs water, and the crystalline bodies of its memetic entities are like mirrors into the past inviting guestsâ introspection.Â
Introspection is the Achillesâ heel of The Familyâs superficial paradise, because curiosity about oneself redirects the egoâs interest from external objects to the inner abyss of thoughts and desires deemed unacceptable in reality, and remembering their existence reveals psychic pain. The Familyâs denial of these âimpureâ thoughts reflects the process by which the ego represses instinctual impulses to avoid that pain:
Robin: While I was away from Penacony, the boundaries of the Twelve Dreamscapes kept expanding outward. But whenever I mentioned the anomalies in my dreams... all The Family heads refused to talk about it. Only my brother was willing to respond... Robin: Later, I discovered the secret letters from the IPC ambassador, which further convinced me that there are hidden secrets beneath the surface of Penacony. So, following the clues in the Oak Family's dossiers, I found my way here... Robin: ...The land of the exiles, concealed by The Family under the guise of "Death", a dream within a dream where Penacony's past is buried. (Small Town Grotesque) âLife is parceled in impenetrable barriers, obstructing the intrusion of the alien. But beneath that ironclad shell, there is a region both nameless and fragileâ (Memory Zone Meme âHeartbreakerâ Story). âWe are very apt to think of the ego as powerless against the id; but when it is opposed to an instinctual process in the id it has only to give a 'signal of unpleasureâ in order to attain its object with the aid of that almost omnipotent institution, the pleasure principleâ (Freud, 1926, p. 92).â´
Freud begins Beyond the Pleasure Principle (1920) by pointing out the foundational assumption of psychoanalysis, namely that all psychic processes serve the pleasure principle in infantile life and the reality principle at a later point of ego development. The reality principle arises from the egoâs instinct for self-preservation, and it redirects pleasure-seeking behavior so that one is willing to wait for its payoff. Rather than relying on dangerous sources of pleasure that provide instant gratification, instead the constraints of reality (or âtimeâ) imposed on the ego and any consequent pain (or âtensionâ) are endured for the sake of eventual pleasure.âľ For psychoanalysts, this only further cemented pleasureâs importance in mental life.Â
However, as World War I came to an end, Freud found these principles alone were insufficient to explain the purpose of trauma dreams in veterans returning from the battle front. Their dreams would faithfully recreate traumatic memories from the war each night, with no pleasurable payoff for the dreamer, and this directly contradicted Freudâs theory of dream interpretation.âś If trauma dreams did not fulfill the dreamerâs unconscious wishes, then they did not follow the pleasure principle; they seemed to serve some other purpose.
Though unconsciously repeating pain in waking life was not a new idea in psychoanalysis, trauma dreams highlighted a critical flaw in its understanding of this behaviorâs ends. To untangle this complexity, Freud reexamined the aims of the âcompulsion to repeat,â and speculated that it is not only an instinctual behavior, but also has an earlier origin than the pleasure principle. He then proposed a dualistic theory of desire that revealed something he believed was common to all organic lifeâthat if there are life instincts, or what he called âEros,â that are geared towards an organismâs pleasure and self-preservation, then there is also a primary death drive, or death instincts, that aims for its destruction:
Acheron: The Beautiful Dream is crumbling, but not because of a particular Aeon, a particular faction, or a particular visitor. Its collapse stems from a certain inevitability of human nature. The Family refuses to acknowledge this, and it has ultimately backfired and become a catalyst⌠Acheron: As people immerse themselves in the Dreamscape, where consequences and pain cease to exist, and only ease and pleasure prevail, they draw closer and closer to necrosis. Regardless of the perceived bliss, death looms as the inevitable conclusion. Acheron: Also, this necrosis will diffuse and spread. One piece of the puzzleâs mutation will eventually cause the entire building to shake, breakâŚand crumble. Welt: âŚIn the end, the dreams that people built in the name of freedom became the cage that imprisoned them. (When the Sacred Ginmill Closes)
The âinevitabilityâ Acheron refers to is one and the same with the death instincts as illustrated through the Nirvana principle, originally proposed by psychoanalyst Barbara Low and adopted by Freud in Beyond the Pleasure Principle. Early on in the work, he identifies G. Th. Fechnerâs principle towards stability, or the constancy principle, as a greater implication of the pleasure principleâs terms. According to this principle, the psychic apparatus (or âpsychic processesâ) aims not only to relax psychic tension to avoid pain, but also to keep tension low and constant.⡠But this raises a problem: the pleasure principleâs express purpose is to avoid pain, but pleasure is a finite state that can only be felt as such if there is pain to reduce in the first place. If this balance is interfered with, we do not preserve the initial euphoria of pleasure infinitely, but instead find it dulled with time until it approaches âzeroâ:
âWhen any situation that is desired by the pleasure principle is prolonged, it only produces a feeling of mild contentment. We are so made that we can derive intense enjoyment only from a contrast and very little from a state of thingsâ (Freud, 1930, p. 16).â¸
This âzeroâ-state is the aim of the Nirvana principle, where it is not just the reduction of excitation but rather its total elimination that is ultimately desired.âš In other words, its aim is stillness through the suspension of psychic processes, a state of being that could only find its analogue in dormancy,šⰠor something unto death. Acheronâs point is that this necrotic, empty feeling is not an accident, because âdeathâ lays the foundation for something new.
And this, at last, brings us back to Sunday. Incongruence, fantasy, and wishful thinking are just some of what drives Sunday to create his ideal world, a paradise where every day is a day of rest. Though his methods are misguided and extreme, he does this out of compassion for the weak and a sense that he must catch them in his paradise before they crash to their death. In truth, this âparadiseâ was death in a different form, where reality is inverted with oneâs personal fiction and conflict is transcended by removing choice. The conflict between the life instincts and death instincts is key to understanding how Sunday arrived at this answer to lifeâs pain, but to understand the depth of that conflict we must go beyond his facade and grasp the true meaning of his infantile fantasy. By employing a Freudian psychoanalytic reading of Sundayâs arc, I hope to open new avenues of discussion about both his character and the meaning of Penacony.
The Prison of Fate
âIs darkness equal to daylight? Are sinners equal to the righteous? If you are born weak, which god should you turn to for solace?â -Sunday, Everything that Rises Must Converge âYou know, in the thick of things, people are blind to the grit in their eyes...yet they can always feel its scratch. Want the answer? I'll give it to you. The whole thing is just fate playing a cruel joke on us.â -Gallagher, A Walk Among the Tombstones
Weâll begin with Sundayâs warped understanding of society and his ideology, as these represent the first layer of his fantasy. Whatâs striking about Sundayâs reading of human nature is his pessimistic outlook on human relationships and the potential for individuals to change. Sunday believes that life obeys a natural law called âsurvival of the fittest,â a perverse interpretation of Darwinian principles of evolution, that categorizes individuals as âstrongâ or âweakâ based on inherent, unchangeable qualities within them. This law is the foundation of a chaotic world where the strong do not defend the weak, but trample them for their own gain:
Sunday: While the Harmony holds noble aspirations, the strong will always be strong, and the weak will always be weak, even in this carefree dream... Human nature contains greatness, but it also harbors inherent weaknesses that can't be eradicated. Sunday: In the end, if people can't even secure their own survival, they won't care about the illusory future of equality. As long as the law of survival of the fittest prevails... there will always be fledglings crashing to their death. (The Only Path to Tomorrow)
Sundayâs ideology takes a page from Arthur Schopenhauerâs The World as Will and Idea, where he argues that the will to life is the reason individuals suffer, because, like the pleasure principle, âthe basis of all willing is need, deficiency - in short, pain.âšš Willing is a feature of individuality, which Schopenhauer further identifies as an illusion of natureâthat is, individuality obscures how all life is an expression of one underlying Will, the common source of life.š² In Sundayâs ideology, Schopenhauerâs âindividualityâ and âwillingâ are substituted by the term âself-value,â which forms the basis of the illusory prison of human consciousness. Self-value, then, is the root of human suffering, because satisfying the will to life requires taking âvalueâ from others:Â
Robin: That's just sophistry. If that were true, then only the powerful would have the right to determine the future. Sunday: Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens. Another name for "the future" is "self-value." [...] Sunday: Some are born weak and vulnerable, some find themselves trapped in unfortunate circumstances, some fall victim to malice and cowardice. When it comes to survival, everyone is equal, and the weak can only watch as their value [future] gets constantly diminished by external forces. (The Only Path to Tomorrow) Firefly: So, what is your definition of living a happy life? Sunday: Good question. Human consciousness is fundamentally an illusion, a cage known as "self-worth". People lured in by this illusion, make mistakes, yet still ask that external influences bear the burden. Sunday: When one mistake after the next permeates the masses, they become impossible to trace... Thus, the amassing of these individual cages culminate to form a prison, a place dictated only by the rule of "survival of the fittest." Sunday: Nature is always accompanied by predation and sacrifice... Its antithesis is known as Order. (Beauty and Destruction)
As long as the will to life must be satisfied, âsurvival of the fittestâ will persist; in other words, the illusion of self-value ensures the lawâs survival in the future. While this tells us part of why Sunday equates self-value with the future, his statement can also be interpreted through a psychoanalytic lens, particularly as it relates to transference and the repetition compulsion. Transference is the process by which people unconsciously cast the roles of past figures onto current relationships, repeating past trauma in the present. The individuals filling the roles may change, but the roles themselves remain constant through time. Through transference, a personâs unresolved past and unconscious beliefs adopted from those experiences construct an illusion that passes for objective reality:
"What psycho-analysis reveals in the transference phenomena of neurotics can also be observed in the lives of some normal people. The impression they give is of being pursued by a malignant fate or possessed by some 'daemonic' power; but psycho- analysis has always taken the view that their fate is for the most part arranged by themselves and determined by early infantile influences" (Freud, 1920, p. 15).š³
Transference is driven by an underlying compulsion to repeat the past known as the repetition compulsion. In Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Freud found that the repetition compulsion does not solely operate in service of the pleasure principle as it was previously understood, but also as an unconscious compulsion to repeat pain. Psychoanalyst and scholar Jonathan Lear provides an example of this in Freud (2015) when he describes the nature of unconscious mental processes:
âSuppose, to take a highly simplified case, a child has an unconscious fantasy, âI am the unloved one.â Precisely because this fantasy is exempt from contradiction and is presented in a timeless mode, the person will tend to interpret lifeâs passing events through a frame of feeling unloved. The person will focus on real-life slights; but even kind gestures will tend to be treated with suspicion, as though there must be some underlying motive (âHe was nice to me only because he wants something from meâ). The world will come to seem an unloving place, thus reinforcing the fantasy. The person can come to feel that she is somehow fated to be unloved.â (Lear, 2015, p. 6).šâ´
To put Learâs example in Sundayâs terms, an unconscious fantasy adopted from past experiences is the underlying material that constructs the illusory prison of self-value. The prison shapes our perception of reality, and this perception then reinforces the prisonâs âformâ by affirming the unconscious fantasy. If oneâs perception or the fantasy were to change, the dimensions of the prison would change with them, reshaping âreality.â
The prison of self-value therefore ensures the pastâs survival in the present by facilitating its repetition; through repetition, the past becomes the prisonerâs future. In other words, by materializing the unconscious fantasy in reality through actions, the prison of self-value becomes oneâs fate. We can then apply this framework to Sundayâs ideology: if fantasy and perception co-construct one another to create an individual human consciousness, it follows that Sundayâs ideology, as a reflection of his perception of the world, is rooted in an unconscious fantasy too, a belief that he has about himself.
Sunday: Well, donât forget thisâŚ. not everyone really has a future.
So, just what is that belief? The past holds great significance to Sunday, and he vividly remembers the consequences of each decision he made. While in his inner world, he recounts three decisions that led him to lose faith in the Harmony and choose the Order for salvation. These decisions involved a Charmony Dove he and Robin found as children, a fraudulent stowaway, and Robinâs brush with death while she traveled beyond Penacony. He then asks which choice the Trailblazer would make given each scenarioâthe same choice as Sunday did, or some other choice? However, the choices are limited to either-or decisions between Sundayâs choice and its extreme opposite: either support Robinâs journey, or prevent her from taking it; either remain silent, or ask the Bloodhounds for mercy; either cage the Charmony Dove, or build a nest for it in a yard of predators, and no matter the choice, it always ends in tragedy.
Sunday: I know the suffering of being tormented, the turmoil of losing your way, how sorrow⌠and even despair, set in when matters donât work out. All of this causes me unending pain, because this is not what âhappinessâ is at all.
This is because Sunday understands the world in terms of dichotomies, where things are either good or bad, righteous or sinful, strong or weak. Itâs also why Sundayâs choice in each scenario is cast as the âgoodâ choice, because it was made with kind intentions, while its opposite is the âbadâ choice because it lacks compassion for the individual. The unfortunate outcome of either decision, both real and imagined, is therefore meant to persuade the player that Sundayâs perspective is ultimately correct, because âgoodâ choices do not necessarily result in âgoodâ outcomes in a disorderly world. Rather, choice itself is a chaotic variable that introduces uncertainty, splitting life into infinite paths and possibilities, or âuntraceable mistakes.â In order to control outcomes, choice must be removed, even if such an outcome can only be achieved through fantasy.
To see the world in this way is to inhabit the monochrome world Acheron first referred to in Act I, a world where itâs all or nothing, and everything appears black or white. This manner of thinking constructs each decision as a false dilemma, which artificially limits the available options or perspectives to two extremes. For our purposes, this is among the most meaningful hints as to what Sundayâs unconscious fantasy is, because it is born out of his intense need for control, which is both a defense against the fantasy and the primary way that he repeats it.
Acheron: The golden dream is getting restless. In the coming long night, I'm afraid you will face many tribulations and witness many tragedies. And finally...your sight will only see black and white. Acheron: But please believe me that in that monochrome world, there will be a glimpse of fleeting red, and when you make a choice, it will reappear before you once more⌠(The Knocking at Ungodly Hours)
With this in mind, we can use Sundayâs black and white thinking to our advantage. Upon closer observation, a common theme is repeating itself in each decision Sunday did make, with each individual cast in the same role at different points in time. Despite his best intentions, Sundayâs actions alone canât protect them from tragic outcomesâindeed, he is powerless against their fate. According to his ideology, there are inherently strong individuals and inherently weak individuals, and the strong have the power to defend the weak, but often choose not to; by this same logic, if Sunday canât defend the weak despite his intentions to do so, then he must not be strong. He must be weak.
This brings us to the Charmony Doveâs fate, which is undoubtedly the most significant to his character out of the three scenarios, and acts as a symbol of the difference between Sundayâs and Robinâs beliefs regarding humanity. The bird is an object that they project these beliefs onto, shaped by their individual âcages,â and its fate reflects those beliefs back at them, reinforcing their diverging fantasies:
Sunday: This place is too dangerous for a fledgling. Let's take it with us â we can put it on the wooden shelf in front of your window. Robin: Okay! A bird like that must have a beautiful singing voice. But where will it live? Sunday: I'll ask the family head to build a cage for it. Robin: A cage... but then it won't have the freedom to fly, right? [...] Robin: Even if it's small and not fully feathered, and can't sing... it didn't come into this world just to be locked up in a cage. Robin: Birds... belong to the sky. (The Only Path to Tomorrow)
To Robin, the Charmony Dove is full of potential, and its fate canât be determined by a single moment of its life, but Sunday regards it with caution and uncertainty; one wrong move, and the bird will take its last breath. This difference becomes the central disagreement in their debate over the sweet dreamâs value, and Sunday reveals the birdâs tragic fate to Robin in order to drive home his point:
Sunday: Shortly after you left, it crashed to its death right in front of your window. Robin: ...I had surmised as much. I knew you wouldn't have avoided mentioning the bird for no reason. Robin: Despite that unfortunate outcome, I still believe it was the right decision. Birds aren't meant to spend their lives in cages... They belong in the sky, even if they can't fly. Sunday: But here's the thing. If there are birds in this world that can never fly, can we really assert that they belong in the sky?
Sundayâs meaning is clear: flightless birds are no different from those individuals who are born weak, and their fate is to watch their future disappear under the pressure of external influences. While Robin came to embody her beliefs by leaving Penacony behind, Sunday stayed and rose through the Oak Familyâs ranks, never leaving the sweet dreamâs cage. He embodies his beliefs by denying himself a future, because to choose otherwise would contradict his fantasyâthat he is a flightless bird too, and therefore has no âvalueâ:
[Sunday]: The victor bears the responsibility of victory. Finish me... and fly into the sky. [Robin]: We were supposed... to fly into the sky together. [Sunday]: ... [Sunday]: If only... I could⌠(The Feather He Dropped)
Sunday's unconscious fantasyâthat he is an inherently weak person, a bird that will never flyâis a reflection of his self-value. By unconsciously repeating the pain of his past, his fantasy becomes the illusory prison known as oneâs future, a self-fulfilling fate.
But all of this is only a small piece of the puzzle. It tells us what the unconscious fantasy is and how it affects him, but it doesnât really tell us why he has it in the first place. Just as the belief was hidden in the shadows of Sundayâs ideology, its origin is hiding behind something even more conspicuousâa grand performance on the dreamscapeâs finest stage.
An Infantile Drama
Trailblazer: Where is the Stellaron? Why am I not seeing it? Sunday: It hides behind the curtain. Or rather, it is the theater itself. (Everything that Rises Must Converge)
Naturally, this leads us to the Embryo of Philosophy.
There is so much to talk about between the three phases of this entire fight, not to mention the mountains of references it makes to other media. However, I want to train our attention on the Embryoâs tears. Why is it crying, and why at this particular moment? The religious meaning of its tears is clear, but what is their psychoanalytic significance?
First, letâs consider their context. The Embryoâs golden tears stream down its face with each turn of âIm Anfang war das Wortâ (âin the beginning was the wordâ), stretching its arms towards the sky with palms open in worship of Order. On the 8th turn, it reaches toward the sky to ask for Ena's blessing; Ena answers its call, reaching down to grant it power, nearly touching the Embryoâs outstretched pointer finger with THEIR own. In doing so, they create a mirror image of Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam, a depiction of God giving Adam the spark of life.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9ea27d4bf336832370b706402e0c3977/7b712c5f26cd0ae7-ba/s540x810/ea65563a4068ad3feb4c3ebb287e61cc885b956e.jpg)
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This artistic and religious reference, alongside the Embryoâs fetal imagery and tears, leaves no doubt that the third phase in the fight is Sundayâs âmoment of birthâ as an Aeon, and this suggests that birth must inform the answer to our original question. So then, why does the Embryoâs âbirthâ bring it to tears? The answer lies in the meaning of Sundayâs performance in Penacony Grand Theater, of which the Embryo is just one part, and how it relates to his unconscious fantasy.
In a final effort to dissuade the Astral Express from resisting his plan, Sunday stages a dramatic retelling of the Orderâs Genesis story and Penaconyâs history that chronicles its changing masters through the eras. As an immersive stage play, its completion hinges on the crewâs participation, which involves slaying the master at each actâs conclusion in order to usher in the next one. Through his play, Sunday argues that humans crave a master who can provide them with meaning in the face of chaos, and because of this inherent weakness, progress is an illusion. The past, present, and eternal show of human history is one of endless repetition and self-delusion â though the individual master may change, humans remain puppets by their own design.
The Past, Present, and Eternal Show
This fraught relationship between humanity and its masters was a foundational point of Freudâs theory of the death instincts, which he grounded in his observations of infantile play. While he was staying with his daughterâs family, Freud noticed a peculiar game his grandson played with his toys that further called the pleasure principleâs dominance into question. The game began when his grandson threw the toys out of sight to make them âdisappear,â after which he would retrieve them with his motherâs help to make them âreturn.â Freud deduced that this game (Fort/Da) was a reenactment of his mother âdisappearingâ when she left him at home, and speculated that it played a crucial role in his grandsonâs good behavior during her absences.š⾠If the game was in service of the pleasure principle, Freud expected that the entire game would be played to completion, where the pain of the toysâ disappearance is endured for the eventual pleasure of their return. Instead, his grandson often only repeated the disappearance â the âdramaâsâ most painful part.šâś
In infantile play, several instincts intersect with a childâs memory in order to process psychological stimuli.š⡠Repetition facilitates their sense of mastery over unfamiliar stimuli, whether pleasurable or painful,š⸠and play offers a safe, fictional space for children to make sense of reality, where they can leave behind their role as spectators of lifeâs phenomena and become actors on its stage.š⚠By playing an active part in a memoryâs repetition through play, indeed by controlling it, children move toward an even grander wish in their hearts: âthe wish to be grown-up and to be able to do what grown-up people do.â²ⰠFreud suspected this was why his grandson played the game, because it offered him a sense of agency over his motherâs absences that reality could not.
The Golden Hour base model and its uncanny inhabitants, found in Dewlight Pavillion. One of the Oak Family Headâs toys.
However, Freudâs point was not that repetition in infantile play is pathological, but rather that when trauma is repeated in adult lifeâa time when experiences do not feel so new, and therefore do not bring as much pleasure or sense of mastery per repetition²šâthe mind is reverting to a previous state,²² namely to the way it functioned in childhood. In other words, the repetition compulsion is related to the instinct for mastery, and trauma repetition is the mindâs attempt to master a painful experience by replaying the past in the present, as it did through infantile play. In this way, life itself becomes the game, or a âplay,â and fantasy merges with reality.
Now, letâs examine the conclusion of Sundayâs stage play, as humans take fate into their own hands on the Genesis storyâs seventh day:
2:1 THEY bestowed upon all beings the gift of âmeaning.â All had been brought into existence. And then, THEY rested from all THEIR creative work. 2:2 However, once again, all the beings beseeched Ena, praising THEM, the magnificent Aeon with divine power, but with a tone of curse. 2:3 âWith Order, you have defined all things in the Cosmos, yet this only made us realize that we are mere puppets within your grasp.â 2:4 Thus, on that day, all beings united and cast the Aeon into the pit of destruction. 2:5 And so it was done. That marked the seventh day. (Lost Property readable)
Like a parent guiding their child, Ena imbued the universe with meaning through Order, weaving the answer to each of humanityâs questions into THEIR grand symphony. Humanity then recognized its passive role in relation to Ena, a higher being who is able to act on the universeâs grand stage, while mortals merely watch THEM. And just as Freudâs grandson casts away his toys in the first part of the drama, humanity then casts Ena into the abyss to make THEM âdisappear,â rejecting their old master in a bid for control only to seek THEM out again in the eternal show. In their effort to become masters, humans seal their fate as puppets; or by another interpretation, this is the intended outcome all along, because out of the two desires at play hereâthe desire to replace the master themselves and the desire to submit to anotherâanswering to a new master is far easier than becoming one:
[Tiernan]: Sin Thirsters... the obsessions of the Pathstriders. They emerge from the depths of IX, seeing themselves as masters of their own destiny, unknowingly repeating the actions of their past lives. [Tiernan]: They emerge from the Nihility and head toward it, leading purposeless lives⌠(And on the Eighth Day) Butler: "Either I shall be my own master, or I shall return to my former master! I shall not submit to a new master under any circumstances!" "I wish they could regain their reason [calm down] and cast away the shackles of hypocrisy," proclaimed the new master. (Tune Butler's emotion to Calm) Butler: "Without a master, who can grant me true freedom?" (Everything that Rises Must Converge)
By returning the planet to Order, its Pathstriders hope to reinstate the earlier phase of galactic history before Ena was absorbed by Xipe the Harmony. Understood through Freudâs observations of infantile play, this can be seen as a struggle between retaining the innocence of childhood, the previous state, and the âgrand wishâ to become an adult with agency; desires that are at once contradictory, and yet work in tandem with one another. But is this really all that Sundayâs performance is about?
For the moment, letâs return to trauma repetition and its conflict with the pleasure principle. To Freud, trauma is like a bodily wound, where unfamiliar stimuli âbreachâ the mindâs protective layer and overwhelm it; the repetition compulsion is a response to this breach, replaying past trauma in the present so that the mind learns to anticipate the disturbance in the future:
âThe fulfilment of wishes is [...] brought about in a hallucinatory manner by dreams, and under the dominance of the pleasure principle this has become their function. But it is not in the service of that principle that the dreams of patients suffering from traumatic neuroses lead them back [...] to the situation in which the trauma occurred. [...] These dreams are endeavouring to master the stimulus retrospectively, by developing the anxiety whose omission was the cause of the traumatic neurosisâ (Freud, 1920, p. 26).²³
This brings us to the final pillar of Freudâs death drive. If the repetition compulsion is an instinct, then it must not only be common to all organic life, but also must originate from a shared disturbance in evolutionary history. But a disturbance of this scale, he realized, could only be found in what shaped lifeâs beginningâthe physical and chemical processes that cultivated life on Earth, rousing the first unicellular organism from its slumber in the primordial soup, and animating what was once dead. The repetition compulsion, then, was born from this original trauma of organic life, unanticipated by that ancient sea. And if that is the case, then the repetition compulsionâs true purpose is clear: it aims to return the living to its slumber, to the death state, and it dutifully follows lifeâs âcircuitous pathsâ to bring about that end:Â
âIt would be in contradiction to the conservative nature of the instincts if the goal of life were a state of things which had never yet been attained. On the contrary, it must be an old state of things, an initial state from which the living entity has [...] departed and to which it is striving to return by the circuitous paths along which its development leads. If we are to take it as a truth [...] that everything living dies for internal reasonsâbecomes inorganic once againâthen we shall be compelled to say that 'the aim of all life is deathâ and, looking backwards, that 'inanimate things existed before living onesââ (Freud, 1920, p. 32).²â´
The implications of this theory can be seen in Penaconyâs oceanic imagery, which signifies both the unconscious memory of that primordial state and the salvation the sweet dream offers from reality. To enter the dream, The Reverieâs guests submerge themselves in a shallow pool and emerge on the âother sideâ reborn, baptized into the religion of pleasure and cleansed with the dreamâs fiction. The primordial memory, then, is the lost childhood of organic life, a previous state it wants to return to â the unity before the violence of individuality.
Sunday: Some are born weak and vulnerable, some find themselves trapped in unfortunate circumstances, some fall victim to malice and cowardice. When it comes to survival, everyone is equal, and the weak can only watch as their value [future] gets constantly diminished by external forces. [emphasis added].
We also donât need to stretch our imagination to connect all of this back to Sunday, who compares the weak to spectators of their own demise, just as Freud likens children to spectators of lifeâs phenomena, and perceives âexternal forcesâ as catalysts for changeâfor Sunday, they whittle away at oneâs future, while for Freud they disturb a peaceful slumber.
How is all of this related to the Embryoâs tearful birth? The primordial soup was a cradle for organic life in its infancy, but it was also the âmotherâ that birthed it, and the death instincts compel life to return to its embrace. In Inhibitions, Symptoms, and Anxiety (1926), Freud identifies birth as the first âdanger-situationâ an individual experiences, because birth requires separation from their mother.²⾠By coming into the world, newborns are inundated with unfamiliar stimuli, like the unexpected âbreachâ that characterizes trauma, and these sensations in turn produce the first instance of anxiety.²✠Though they canât yet conceptualize this danger as the loss of their mother, for mental life at this stage doesnât distinguish between the self and other objects, infants soon learn the uncertainty that accompanies danger can be relieved through their mother, who âsatisfies all [their] needs without delayâ; anxiety, then, is a response to situations where these needs go unsatisfied, and over which they alone have no control.²âˇ
But birth is only the first separation between mother and child; the final separation, of course, is death. If the formerâs danger is characterized by the motherâs absence (âobject-lossâ), then in death this danger becomes permanent. In Mourning and Melancholia (1917), Freud writes that mourning is a process of â[accepting that] the loved object no longer existsâ and of withdrawing oneâs interest (âlibidoâ) from them.²⸠Melancholia, its fraternal twin, shares several affective traits with this process, namely âa turning away from reality [âŚ] and a clinging to the object through the medium of a hallucinatory wishful psychosisââthat is, by living through fantasy.²⚠Where melancholia distinguishes itself from mourning, however, is in oneâs sense of responsibility for the objectâs loss. In other words, the melancholic is tormented by a pervasive sense of guilt:
âIn mourning it is the world which has become poor and empty; in melancholia it is the ego itself. The patient represents his ego to us as worthless, incapable of any achievement and morally despicable; he reproaches himself, vilifies himself and expects to be cast out and punished [âŚ] He is not of the opinion that a change has taken place in him, but extends his self-criticism back over the past; he declares that he was never any betterâ (Freud, 1917, p. 246).Âłâ°
Sounds a little familiar, doesnât it? Transference is another way of living life through fantasy, where each new actor plays the same role in its infinite drama, in this case the âlost object.â The Charmony Dove, the fraudulent stowaway, and Robin all unknowingly take on this role in Sundayâs unconscious, as objects he is trying to protect. However, this performance is always fated to end the same way: his actions fail to save them, and he blames himself and his weakness for their loss.
If performance is the throughline between reality and fiction, then Sundayâs âplayâ in Penacony Grand Theaterâthe birth of his paradise and near-ascension as an Aeonâis yet another continuation of this eternal show. Sundayâs greatest wish, his infantile wish, is to protect everyone, and Enaâs dream facilitates its fulfillment through fantasy. To realize the dream, Sunday must usurp the power of a master (an Aeon) for himself, and he does so by fusing the Harmony and Order together to create the Embryo of Philosophy, making Xipe and Ena its 'mothers.' But the Embryoâs birth also requires the âdeathâ of its creators, precisely because their power had to be stolen to create the eternal dreamâs foundation. In other words, the Embryo must replace its parents so that it may truly become a master like them. Sunday's full performance encompasses both separations between âmotherâ and child at once: the separation through birth, and the separation through death.
In their Christian interpretation, the Embryoâs tears signify Christâs empathy for human suffering, but in the psychoanalytic interpretation they suggest the Embryoâs anxiety about its performance. And this anxiety is well-founded, for all of the reasons weâve discussed: the primordial danger of being born into the world, of emerging from âdeathâ and becoming separate from it, and the threat of permanent object-loss if the Embryo completes the performance as planned. But we should also remember that this anxiety is in reality nothing new for Sunday, because he has already experienced all of these losses first-hand in the past. In other words, the Embryo cries because its performance reminds Sunday of something heâs experienced before, the very memory that he is trying to controlâindeed masterâthrough repetition. This memory, and the anxiety, concerns his wishâs original failure to materialize, the trauma of which laid the foundation for each subsequent âperformance.â Plainly, itâs about the death of his mother, and his failure to protect her from the Stellaron disaster.
Given how he belabored the importance of his three decisions in his inner world, this may seem like a bit of a stretch. In fact, he doesnât directly say a word about his mother at all â but that is exactly why I am so suspicious. Instead of acknowledging her with words, her death lingers in his desperate need to control outcomes, his preoccupation with weakness, and his yearning for guidance from a master, something he lost as a child when he needed it most. Perhaps this is part of what motivates him to become that master for everyone else, to replace the parent he lost by âbecomingâ them.Â
Itâs also not lost on me that Sunday cries during the Stellaron disaster, further suggesting a narrative parallel between the Embryo crying and his past. In that moment, his tears highlight the incongruence between the image Sunday puts forth of himself as Robinâs protector, and the reality that he alone was never able to protect anyone. His mother died, Robin got shot, and suffering followed his decisions despite his kind intentions. From an early age, he had already given up on the possibility of sharing a stage with his sister, and eventually resigned himself to a grim fate as the universeâs lone star. While Gopher Woodâs role in reinforcing his unconscious belief should not be understated, I hesitate to say his poison is truly the beliefâs origin.
âThe echoes of the memories someone once held of their beloved family. Across the long night, they will accompany him in the past, present, and future.â (Echoes of Faded Dreams story)
Whatâs more, Sunday tells us that his end goal is not to resurrect Ena, but rather to construct his paradise on Enaâs remains, creating a world without Aeons at all. This infantile fantasy, a world without the âadultâ influence of these higher beings, is a metaphor for his search for happiness after the meaningless Stellaron disaster that took his mother away from him, and to recover the innocence he lost with her passing. He seeks to create paradise from destruction, to build a new world on her remains, and become a master of it himself. Both his stage play and his role as the conductor of the paradiseâs symphony only further cement this: through his performance, he asserts that he is no longer a passive observer of the disaster, no longer a spectator of his own demise or merely Gopher Woodâs puppet, but an actor and an artist in his own right. By utilizing the Stellaron to create paradise, he hopes to master his weakness.
This symbolism goes crazy. What do you mean the Stellaron is a theater, it shines like the moon, itâs the reason Sundayâs mother died*, and itâs the site where he initiates Third Impact?
And I know, I know all of the Evangelion fans are saying âwe fucking knew this already,â and youâre right! Hideaki Anno was also inspired by Freud, among many other psychoanalysts and philosophy giants, and Hoyoverse has never been shy about how much Annoâs work influences their own. It is undeniable that Shinji and Sunday share a character arc as it relates to the loss of their mother, and Sunday is far from the first and certainly not the last Hoyoverse character who will either, but where they differ is in the details of their death wish. In The End of Evangelion (1997), Shinji wishes for a world where he canât be rejected by others, because there would be no meaningful difference between him and another person if theyâre all just LCL soup, while Sunday wishes for a world where the weak never have to face their weakness, and weakness is no longer a âsinâ; the outcome of both of these wishes, then, is a world where sin can never be repeated. But this tragedyâs ending was told from the beginning â trying to sever the cycle is the same as repeating it, and shedding one master means gaining another. Rather than preserving life and protecting it from pain and disappointment as he intended, Sundayâs dream world only guarantees its own end.
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This is why the Embryo cries. Sundayâs performance is a reenactment of both the first and last severance between his mother and himselfâhis birth and her deathâand the origin of the pain that would eventually justify the eternal dreamâs creation.Â
*I say this with the huge caveat that Penacony lore, Halovian lore, and Sunday + Robin lore, are a bit (okay, very) confusing. It is possible their homeland was destroyed by a different Stellaron. Also, who am I to assume Halovian birth even remotely resembles human birth? I donât know. Talk about how vague Halovian lore is right now in the version satisfaction survey and maybe weâll get real answers.
Infinite Sin and the Will to Punishment
Unfortunately, it isnât quite that simple. Freud did not believe that this pessimistic interpretation of the death instincts was the full story of the death drive, and this analysis, though fruitful, is full of apparent contradictions as a result of treating it that way. Though itâs not incorrect to assess Sundayâs actions from a self-destructive angle, this alone is an inadequate framework for illuminating the full extent of his hypocrisy. We see glimmers of it in Sundayâs inner world, when he admits the price of attaining his dreamââmerely a personal and eternal sacrificeââand in Penacony Grand Theater, when Himeko points out the fallacy that this could ever truly be a dignified existence for the many living under Sundayâs will. The tension between his willingness for self-sacrifice and desire for total domination is a core conflict of Sundayâs character arc in Penacony. These two aims constantly struggle to overcome one another, and within that struggle lies a truth about the nature of life and the meaning of Penaconyâs story.
The seductive promise of Sundayâs paradise belies its reality, which requires the paradiseâs conductor to remain awake until the end of time. Sunday minimizes the personal cost of Enaâs dream by portraying himself as a martyr for a noble cause, because to him this solitude truly is a meager price to pay for everyoneâs eternal âhappiness.â However, Robin is the first to point out that his role in sustaining the dream looks less like a heroic sacrifice than it does eternal punishment:
Robin: It's true that some people are born strong, and others are born weak. If the Trailblaze is the target of heroes, then the Harmony will guarantee that the strong help the weak. Only the people of Penacony themselves can be the saviors of their homeland. Robin: Their path of happiness should be forged by themselves. While I may not be a Nameless, I'm willing to instill courage in all those who need it. Robin: This includes my brother as well. Ena's Dream... is too cruel for him, and everyone else. [âŚ] Robin: Brother, you have heard their cries... This is not the paradise they hoped for. "Harmonious Choir" The Great Septimus: Even so, they don't know where they should be heading. That's why... I had to become the lone star in the sky to guide them. Robin: Even if that star... must hang in a perpetual night of solitude? (And On the Eighth Day)
And one does have to wonder: why would Sunday, who has clearly demonstrated his own desire to turn away from the pain of reality, deliver a fantasy world that promises just that to everyone but himself? To begin to unpack this, letâs return to the idea of guilt, which we briefly touched on in the discussion of melancholia.Â
Before developing his death drive theory, Freud attributed a wish for punishment to dreams and behaviors which, on their surface, contradicted the pleasure principleâs tendency to avoid pain.³š These dreams, he argued, represented a masochistic tendency in human nature, where â[pain] for one system [is pleasure] for the other.â³² But Freudâs understanding of masochism changed with Beyond the Pleasure Principle, which raised the possibility that masochism was originally a death instinct that was altered by the life instincts to serve the pleasure principle.³³ He was then able to take up masochism with a newly instructive angle in The Ego and the Id (1923), where he formally introduced not only the term âidâ for the realm of the instincts, but also the âsuper-ego,â an omnipresent and judgmental conscience that defines the ego ideal.Âłâ´
The super-ego is a representation of the egoâs parents and their teachings, reborn from the ruins of the Oedipus complex and its unfulfilled wishes. The Oedipus complex is named for the ill-fated protagonist of Sophoclesâ Oedipus Rex, who unknowingly murders his father and marries his mother, thereby fulfilling a prophecy he sought to avoid. After he is made aware of his moral failings, he blinds himself in shame and goes into exile from his former kingdom. In The Interpretation of Dreams (1899), Freud describes the Oedipus complex as an early stage of child psychosexual development where the childâs parent of the opposite sex is cast as their first sexual object.Âłâľ But this nascent sexual attachment creates a dilemma for the child, because in order to fulfill the Oedipal wish (attaining a âunionâ with the loved-object), they have to triumph over their rival, the parent of the same-sex. The child then develops an âambivalentâ attachment to their same-sex parent, where the familial love they have for them is complicated by their desire for the other parent.Âłâś However, the child soon realizes that its options to fulfill the Oedipal wish are untenable with reality, and the price of achieving it is severe punishment at the "rival's" hands.³⡠It then abandons the Oedipal wish by repressing it, instead developing a strong âidentificationâ with the same-sex parentâthat is, instead of trying to kill the father to be with the mother, it tries to become like him.³⸠This identification establishes the egoâs moral framework.Â
On the left, Sunday crying in his ultimate animation. On the right, a photograph by Albert Greiner of actor Louis Bouwmeester as Oedipus after blinding himself in Oedipus Rex. This shit, as they say, writes itself.
Penaconyâs environmental design references the super-ego through its persistent eye motif, which represents surveillance in the sweet dream and introspection in the primal dreamscape. In addition to its psychoanalytic roots, the eye motif in Sundayâs character design both furthers his angelic iconography and visually connects him to Ena, whose eye represents THEIR sovereignty over mortals through the law.
Surveillance is central to any system of government that prioritizes control like the Order does, and the resulting paranoia of such a system encourages rigid adherence to its rules. Likewise, the super-ego watches the egoâs thoughts and actions for signs of transgression and punishes it for every immoral impulse, whether acted on or merely imagined. The threat of punishment is what motivates the ego to enforce the super-egoâs imperatives, repressing impulses that fall outside the sphere of moral acceptability and casting all that is not orderly outside of what comprises it. In Penacony, the analog for the super-ego is most closely found in Gopher Wood, the Dreammaster, who oversaw the sweet dreamâs descent into hedonism in order to strengthen his influence and nurture the Stellaron. This is also why he is often embodied as a raven who spies on Penaconyâs scenes, acting as Sundayâs âeyesâ to maintain control of all the actors.
âSomething Unto Deathâ
It should come as no surprise, then, that the super-ego also plays a crucial role in the eternal show. The super-ego is built on the teachings and morals of the past as embodied by the individualâs parents, and these values guide the ego in the present so that the ideal may be attained in the future; in other words, the super-ego ensures the pastâs survival through its repetition in the present so that it becomes oneâs future.Âłâš Of course, the super-ego is not literally the egoâs father, but rather a representation of him recreated within the mind.â´â° Perhaps this is why Gopher Wood is able to âspeakâ through each Oak Family member in the present, despite his bodyâs immolation in the past â his rules survive in their minds as the supreme source of moral guidance. That, and dream logic.
As both a political and religious fundamentalist leader in the dreamscape, Gopher Wood radiates the âFatherâ archetype, marking him as an authority not only of Penaconyâs civic prosperity, but of righteousness itself. Because of this, he is a surrogate for divinityâfor Xipe the Harmony in public, and for Ena the Order in privateâcapable of judging the ego in "Godâs" place. While this relationship to some extent applies to all Oak Family members, it is especially true for Sunday and Robin, for whom Gopher Wood literally plays the role of their adoptive father. For Sunday, as Gopher Woodâs successor in the Oak Family and tool of the Order, this takes on an even greater significance. Their relationship constitutes a faithful representation of the ego and the super-ego, where Sunday is taught by Gopher Wood to uphold the Orderâs ideals to be a morally righteous person, and to repress all of his âimperfectionâ:
âAs a substitute for a longing for the father, [the super-ego] contains the germ from which all religions have evolved. The self-judgment which declares that the ego falls short of its ideal produces the religious sense of humility to which the believer appeals in his longingâ (Freud, 1923, p. 33).â´Âš âIt's said that the master of this pavilion suffers from severe compulsions, but this table clearly shows that he has been cured.â âUnlike a long table, round tables have no sense of priority or opposition, it is very likely that they are an Aeonic candidate for the Path of Harmonyâ (Conference Round Table investigations in Dewlight Pavillion) [emphasis added].
Killing the âFatherâ....to be with the âMotherâ?
But the super-egoâs standards arenât truly meant to be achievable for the ego, because the egoâs identification with the parents is defined by its difference from them; to disrupt that identification would be to confuse the egoâs sense of self.â´Â˛ This is yet another manifestation of the egoâs conflict between remaining subservient to its âmaster,â the super-ego, or overthrowing it to become the new master:
â[The super-egoâs] relation to the ego is not exhausted by the precept: âYou ought to be like this (like your father).â It also comprises the prohibition: âYou may not be like this (like your father)âthat is, you may not do all that he does; some things are his prerogativeââ (Freud, 1923, p. 30).â´Âł
Thus, the ego creates an impossible task for itself. It wants to be seen as a morally righteous subject, and it tries to achieve this by modeling its every thought and action after the âFather.â However, the ego can never truly censor all 'impure' impulses, and for this reason it will always be deserving of punishment; this is the source of the egoâs persistent sense of guilt.â´â´ The tension between the super-ego and the ego is what Freud referred to as âmoral masochism,ââ´âľ wherein the ego not only fears the super-egoâs punishment, but also unconsciously desires it. Moral masochists do not care who punishes them and do not limit their suffering to sexual fantasiesâinstead, âthe suffering itself is what matters.ââ´âś
This desire is the result of several transformations that occur in the death instincts. Earlier, I mentioned that we were working with an incomplete understanding of the death driveâthat the purpose of life is to return to death. But life is almost never this frictionless, and neither is instinctual life. In reality, the death instincts all trend toward self-annihilation and restoring the state before life, but the life instincts persist alongside them to preserve life. Taken alone, they are only capable of stagnation; together, as each struggles against the aims of the other, life can evolve and progress into new territory, âblazing a trailâ towards new beginnings â âlife itself [is] a conflict and compromise between these two trends.ââ´âˇ To make "life" possible, the death instincts are fused with the life instincts, making it difficult if not impossible to observe any one behavior that purely exhibits the death instincts.â´â¸Â
One product of these fusions is the sadistic instinct. In The Economic Problem of Masochism (1924), Freud affirms what he had only surmised in Beyond the Pleasure Principleâthat sadism is an inversion of a primary masochism, where what was once a death instinct bent on self-annihilation is now a âdestructive instinctâ fused with Eros that seeks to 'master' others:
âThe libido has the task of making the destroying instinct innocuous, and it fulfills the task by diverting that instinct to a great extent outwards [...] towards other objects in the external world. The instinct is then called the destructive instinct, the instinct for mastery, or the will to powerâ (Freud, 1924a, p. 163).â´âš
But a portion of that aggression is retained in the ego, attached to the super-ego (the 'master'), and redirected towards the ego; hence, moral masochism.âľâ° In other words, the desire to punish others is reconfigured through the super-ego as a desire to punish oneself.
So what does âpunishmentâ mean here? Freud concludes The Ego and the Id by arguing the fear of punishment is really a fear of losing love and protection from the parents, âDestiny,â or the super-ego. If their love is only garnered through moral behavior, then immorality risks its withdrawal. Without love, the ego is vulnerable to the world and its dangers, and to the possibility of its deathâthus, the fear of punishment is really the egoâs fear of death, and consequently, its desire for death:
âThe fear of death in melancholia only admits of one explanation: that the ego gives itself up because it feels itself hated and persecuted by the super-ego, instead of loved. To the ego, therefore, living means the same as being loved [...] But when the ego finds itself in an excessive real danger which it believes itself unable to overcome by its own strength [...] it sees itself deserted by all protecting forces and lets itself dieâ (Freud, 1923, p. 61).âľÂš
Now, letâs consider the origin of Sundayâs melancholy, his failure to protect his mother. This âsinâ is at the center of his performance, and it is the pain he keeps repeating over and over again. He repeats this pain because he feels guilty for being too weak to protect his loved ones, and that guilt finds its source in his severe and unforgiving super-ego. Sunday suffers immensely from the responsibility he feels for everyoneâs happiness, let alone his loved onesâ safety; it is strongly implied that he has obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition that likely wasnât helped by the Orderâs strict rules. But Sunday fundamentally suffers for the same reason that everyone else suffers â because âsinâ is infinite for imperfect beings, and no amount of repression can change that. The guilt he feels for this is also infinite. One of the reasons that Sunday volunteers himself as the Orderâs sacrificial lamb is because he believes the suffering of others to be of higher importance than his own, certainly, but it is also because of the self-punishment he is promised through the planâs outcome. In other words, his infinite solitude is a form of justice for his original sin and is, by design, a death sentence.
This leaves us with our final contradiction to untangle. The deceit of Sundayâs dream world is its benevolent veneer, which obscures the violence of its compulsive unity at the expense of individuality. Before his performance in Penacony Grand Theater, Himeko acknowledges Sunday has âa strong conviction and a desire for dominanceâ that cannot be satisfied through debate alone; he derives far more pleasure from demonstrating his superiority through example. We witnessed that aspect of his personality firsthand when Sunday subjected Aventurine to a trial from the Harmony and branded him with its death sentence, an outcome he took utmost care beforehand to ensure was predetermined. However, when Himeko calls Sunday on the hypocrisy of his martyrdom, he dismisses it and shuts down any further debate:
Sunday: True goodness can only be achieved through faith. Himeko: Allow me to point out that falling into a permanent slumber is not happiness, especially when those people are driven by someone else's will in their sleep. [âŚ] Sunday: My sole objective is to create a paradise free from Aeons, where the Order ensures the dignity and happiness of all humanity. A paradise exclusive to us human beings. Himeko: That's not the case. If people are to live with dignity, there must be nothing and no one above them. Himeko: In your so-called paradise, you would be the one reigning supreme. Sunday: Looks like we won't be able to convince each other. Now that our conflict has been destined, let's unveil our Paths and reveal to the universe the true path. (Everything that Rises Must Converge)
You know he enjoyed every second of this. (From Aventurineâs âA Moment Among the Stars - Inherently Unjust Destinyâ trailer).
Circumstances aside, good intentions or not, Sunday is not without his own stubborn will that he imposes on others. Acknowledging this neither throws everything weâve discussed beforehand out the window, nor does it suggest that Sundayâs martyrdom isnât genuine. It does ask whether emphasizing Sundayâs martyrdom at the expense of his capacity for sadism is possible without disregarding his agency. In other words, Sunday did not create a dream world that excludes himself by design solely to punish himself and move closer to death; the control it offers him over others, though illusory, is just as appealing. Playing âGodâ in this way is an extreme and, in a sense, âaggressiveâ expression of his own will to life, an equally fervent wish to surpass his âmaster,â protect the weak, and forge a new beginning.
In Sundayâs manifestation of Dominicus, we see both the sadistic instinct and the masochistic instinct represented as two sides of the same being. On one side is the confident and domineering Septimus, who, as the maestro of the eternal dream, embodies the sadistic instinct for mastery over others; on the other side is the Embryo of Philosophy, representing the masochistic instinct to return to the mother.Â
Weâve already discussed the Embryo of Philosophy at length, but Septimus also merits closer attention. In contrast to the Embryoâs fragile, withdrawn posture and emotional vulnerability, Septimus is towering, ostentatious, and grandiose; it makes wide, sweeping gestures that cover the entire stage, carrying itself with an authority that commands the audienceâs attention. Indeed, Sunday puts on a voice as Septimus**, lowering his pitch and raising its volume so that it booms with the power he so desperately craves. Even its title, âThe Great Septimus,â reads more like a character in a childâs fantasy than a threatening embodiment of Order with the means to suppress autonomy. In other words, Sunday treats Septimus as a persona, an image he wants to project into the world, or a âfictionalâ version of himself; plainly, it is a manifestation of his ego ideal.
The destruction of this nascent Aeonâs body therefore holds great significance as we move into the conclusion of Sundayâs character arc, at least for his role in Penacony. Dreams exist in the liminal space between reality and imagination, much like the âselfâ straddles the ideal and the real. Destruction and creation are rules of the universe that canât be transcended, and the âselfâ is always in flux; but because of this chaos, there is always a chance to change oneâs fate. Septimus represented Sundayâs infantile wish to protect everyone, no matter the cost, and the Embryo of Philosophy signified his desire to remain the same forever, as he was in childhood. Without their armor to protect him from reality, he once again faces the primal fear of life and the inevitability of oneâs death. But rather than letting himself die in an ocean of guilt, thereâs a chance to write a new ending to his ill-fated play.Â
**Itâs apparent that the bossâs voice has certain effects on it that contribute to this, but I noticed something a little more than that while listening back to some cutscenes that I believe were acting choices on the VAâs part. Also, this judgment is based on the English dub.
TL;DR: someone get this man some serotonin immediately.
Thatâs it! I really wanted to include an analysis of Sundayâs new outfit here that ties it to Nietzscheâs The Birth of Tragedy and back to The World as Will and Idea, but I ran out of time. :( It will have to wait for another post. Thank you so much for reading <3
References:
Numbered external citations with page numbers can be found here:
https://pastebin.com/2jXQGTHk
List of Freudian Texts Referenced:
Mourning and Melancholia (1917) Beyond the Pleasure Principle (1920) The Ego and the Id (1923). Page numbers are given from my hard copy. The Economic Problem of Masochism (1924) The Dissolution of the Oedipus Complex (1924) Civilization and Its Discontents (1930). Page numbers are given from my hard copy. Inhibitions, Symptoms. Anxiety (1926)
Other Texts Referenced:
The World as Will and Idea by Arthur Schopenhauer. Page numbers are given from my hard copy. Freud (2015) by Jonathan Lear, 2nd edition. Page numbers are given from my hard copy.
Further Reading/Watching:
I highly recommend this article series by solenestuaries of Hyperion Team 3rd on substack. The first is Honkai Impact 3rd focused, the second is a mix of Honkai 3rd Part 2 and Honkai: Star Rail 2.0 focused:
Part 1: What do we talk about when we talk about dreams?
Part 2: âWhy does life slumber?â: Dreams, Entropy, and the Many-Worlds of Quantum Mechanics
I am greatly indebted to her analysis for convincing me to go beyond Freudâs A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis. Her grasp of psychoanalysis and schizoanalysis is staggering and thought-provoking. Do yourself a favor and read all of her articles!
Destruction as a Cause for Coming Into Being by Sabina Spielrien. The inspiration for Beyond the Pleasure Principle.Â
Origins and Mysticism of the Death Drive in Psychoanalysis & the Philosophy of Transgression by ESTOERICA. I was wayyy too deep into writing this post by the time I discovered this video, but please for the love of god just watch it and prepare to have your mind blown.
#honkai star rail#hsr#sunday hsr#hsr meta#hsr sunday#penacony#me before 2.2: yeah sunday is cool i guess vs. me now:#this essay is longer than my graduate thesis#long post#character analysis
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Trans healthcare would be so much easier to talk about if we had some official definitions for things.
Like, detransition should not mean "anyone who permanently stops or temporarily pauses social transition/hormones/surgery". It should mean "someone who started transitioning in any capacity and has realized they are not trans or under the trans umbrella." This definition is rough and I'm willing to change it to better encompass the sentiment my half asleep brain cannot form coherently.
Detransition shouldn't include people who stop taking hormones because they are satisfied with the changes and no longer want more (such as nonbinary people who don't intend to take HRT for the rest of their life). Detransition shouldn't include people who have to temporarily pause their transition due to external factors such as safety or finances.
Another thing: Transition regret. It should include people who regret transitioning as a whole (such as someone who is not trans and doesn't realize until after they've come out). It shouldn't include regret from a botched surgery (the Surgeon's mistake), or regret of coming out to the wrong people or coming out in an unsafe environment.
It shouldn't include people who regret the types of surgery they got (such as if one got keyhole top surgery instead of a double incision).
Like, when I look across different studies and analysis on detransition and regret rates amongst those who received HRT or surgery after coming out as trans, they use super broad definitions to inflate the numbers.
Truthfully, a fraction of a percent of people who have this type of healthcare detransition based on the definition I provide, but in the studies the detransition rate is rounded up to a whole percentage because they include people who are only temporarily pausing their transition plans.
Same thing for regret rates. They don't specify what the regret is for, so it could be the regret of the doctor they saw, how their family reacted, regret of the type of procedure they did or how the surgeon performed it. It could be regrets for aspects of their transition, but it's being framed as if all the regret is from transitioning all together, when we know that isn't true.
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Macbeth and Snow as parallels (a comparative analysis on ambitious protagonists)
Collins is no stranger to Shakespearean references, whether through character names or the deeper parallels that emerge between her characters and those in Shakespeare's plays. This is especially evident in the striking similarities between Coriolanus Snow in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and the main characters in Macbeth, where their ambition ultimately leads to their downfalls.
At the outset, both protagonists show potential. Macbeth begins with a relatively clean slate, while Snow is (debatably) portrayed as a morally grey character. Snow's narcissistic tendencies surface early on, as seen in his disdain for everyone around him and his deep-seated resentment of his own poverty. He believes he is entitled to wealth and power, much like Sejanus. Snow's entitlement is also evident in his condemnation of Tigris when she implies that she might have sold her body to feed their family. He begins to harbor skeptical feelings about her. Though Snowâs selfish and narcissistic tendencies are apparent from the beginning, they remain largely internalized, leaving his true nature ambiguous.
Macbeth and Snow heavily parallel each other at the beginning of their reign.They both encounter a major turning pointâa moment of epiphany where they become so entangled in bloodshed that there is no return. For Snow, this moment occurs when he kills the tribute, Bobbin. Although the act is driven by desperation and survival, the way he kills is undeniably cruel. Snow chooses to brutally murder Bobbin even after the tribute is incapacitated and poses no real threat. This shift changes Snow's motivation from self-defence to pure hatred, reflecting his view of the districts as barbaric and savage. Similarly, Macbethâs major turning point comes in Act I, Scene VII, during his soliloquy when he resolves to kill King Duncan. This decision marks the beginning of his irreversible descent into bloodshed and tyranny. This leads us to a common thread among literary antagonists: their ambition often ignites in a crucial moment of life, where they feel wronged or misunderstood.
So, we ask ourselves now, why is that one scene so crucial, and if it is, who is to blameâthe circumstances or the person themselves? In other words, nature vs. nurture. Were Snow and Macbeth simply victims of their environments, or did they always harbour the potential for such destruction?
As we have already established, Snow exposes his corrupt disposition early in the book. He is willing to destroy, use, and manipulate anyone standing in his way, which is heavily focused on in his internal monologue. Each minute action is calculated and executed accordingly. In the scene where a tribute kills Lavinia, Snow's response is a striking reflection of his character. Instead of reacting with immediate panic or concern for Laviniaâs well-being, Snow remains unnervingly composed. His first instinct is not to help or comfort the person in distress but to deliberate on how his actions might affect his public image. As Lavinia's body writhes, Snowâs focus is on the potential repercussions of the situation rather than the immediate human tragedy unfolding before him. Snowâs pragmatic, calculated nature is evident right here.
Similarly, Macbethâs nature is inherently ambitious, which is hinted at through the witches' prophecy that eventually drives him to regicide: "I have no spur to prick the sides of my intent, but only vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself and falls on the other." (Act 1, Scene 7) However, an observation can be made: Macbethâs actions are only executed after being persuaded by Lady Macbeth. At the very beginning, Macbeth is constantly unsure of his actions and needs to be swayed by external forces. So how much of Macbethâs nature can we hold accountable?
We see at the beginning that the witches are the ones who plant the seed of ambition in his mind. Even more so, Macbethâs initial reaction to the prophecy is curiosity; it is the witches who nudge him down that path, which he might have otherwise not taken. Another critical factor is Lady Macbethâs manipulation; her relentless questioning of his masculinity pushes him toward the edge. It can be said that Macbeth is more of a victim of external forces. It is also plausible to say that Macbethâs initial ambition might have remained unchecked, and thus would not have committed regicide.
Naturally, we ask ourselves the following question: Was Snow a victim of nurture? Snow makes it very clear from the beginning that he is not here to play the game, but to control it. Despite the cutthroat politics in the Capitol, Snow finds a way to be cultivated by his environment instead of being exploited. Take Snowâs relationship with Doctor Gaulâtime and time again, he goes out of his way to obey Dr. Gaul, to the point where he submits his best friend to her. He is not a victim but a willing student. In contrast to Macbeth, Snow lacks guilt and shows little to no moral conflict in his decisions. And hence, being devoid of guilt and hesitation makes Snow not a victim of his nurture but a product of it.
Circling back to the topic of guiltâwe find ourselves in the position to ask whether Macbethâs guilt is his greatest weakness. Macbethâs guilt and paranoia begin immediately after his murder of King Duncan. He is plagued with insomnia and hallucinations as his guilt manifests, and he descends into madness. As his paranoia and guilt fester, he begins to act out of fear rather than necessity. His ability to think straight and calculate his actions completely erodes by this point. Macbeth certainly does not achieve that prosperous reign, but his guilt is one aspect that humanizes him and allows the audience to relate to him.
But what of Snowâwas his lack of guilt and empathy his greatest strength? Snow certainly reigned for a long, prosperous periodâlonger than Macbeth could, thatâs for sure. What was it that upheld him for so long? What did he possess that no other antagonist before him had? The answer to all our questions rests in one quote: âYou take your own humanity out of the equation. And then youâre free to do whateverâs necessary. Itâs the only way to be safe.â This is itâSnowâs dire philosophy encapsulated in one line. Snow completely rejects the idea of humanity; notice he uses the word "free." It is almost as if Snow views humanity as a burden, something that is tying him down, from which he wants to be freed. So, is rejecting humanity the only way to achieve such a long rule? Is it really a strength?
While we can certainly say Snow avails a longer rule than anyone that came before him, Snowâs lack of guilt and empathy is a double-edged sword. It most certainly helps him make swift, calculated decisions without bringing his victims' emotions into the equation, but it ultimately destroys him in the end. It is his incapability of understanding Peeta and Katnissâ effect that annihilates his rule. âHope is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective; a lot of hope is dangerous.â Snow recognizing hope is accurate, yet it is his lack of empathy that blinds him from seeing the uncontrollable aspect of hope. His approach to overcoming hope is to manage itânotice I use the word "manage." His perception of hope is in a very technical manner, just like we see in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Snow is prone to formulating plans, and thus, he uses this approach on Katniss as if she is just a step along his plan. But his failure to truly understand the power of hope is what leads him to make decisions that only spark the rebellion even more.
In conclusion, ambition is a powerful force in shaping the paths of literary antagonists like Snow and Macbeth. While their environments certainly played a role in nurturing their darker tendencies, it is their inherent ambition and how they choose to wield it that seals their fates. Macbeth's guilt humanizes him, making him a somewhat tragic figure who is ultimately consumed by his ambition. Snow, on the other hand, thrives by rejecting humanity altogether, but this very rejection blinds him to the power of hope, leading to his eventual downfall. Both characters remind us that unchecked ambition, whether fuelled by internal desires or external influences, can lead to self-destruction.
#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosbas#tbosas#macbeth#shakespeare#essay#character essay#ambition#writing#analysis#thg meta#katniss and peeta#Read Macbeth for my gcses#There was a time where I used to hate it#Cause of how many papers we had to write#But as I got older I've learned to appreciate it's art
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Billford Analysis!
Chapter one: Ford and his blind adoration before the portal incident, or abusive slowburn.
warning! this is a very open and incoherent form of my thoughts, where I do not mention many canonical details but only consider the attitude of the characters towards them.
so, I want to analyze as clearly as possible the interactions of Stanford Pines and Bill Cipher at different stages of their, I'm not afraid to say, very complex relationship, which bordered on both blind near-religious chthonic adoration and abusive violence as from a typical psychological manual.
to begin with, I want to look specifically at Stanford's notes from his Third Journal in order to create a general portrait of how his idea of Bill has changed over the years (later a retelling of the same events will be presented, but from Bill's point of view). most often, the long periods of their interactions before betrayal and finding out the truth about the portal are ignored, but they are especially important in the context of forming a long-term and strong attachment.
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Stanford immediately begins to cherish his new acquaintance with Bill - he calls their meeting a secret that no one can find out. his low self-esteem also flashes here, depending not only on what people he knows say about him but also on society as a whole in the form of a scientific community. he keeps his acquaintance with bill secret out of inner shame and anxiety that he will not be trusted, he will expose the external environment as crazy, and all acquaintance with the supreme being, in the eyes of Stanford, will turn out to be a fiction of a lonely mind.
after all, isolation in a small town led Stanford to label their first meeting as a miracle on the decrepit pages of his diary. it was really a godsend for Bill, such a combination of mental genius and naive emotional trauma, but this will be discussed, again, in the next chapter.
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calling Bill his muse, he sees his silhouette in the firmament, drawing the outlines of the constellation âWilliamâ in his diary on a par with the constellations we are familiar with. for me, this also means treating Bill not as a separate independent being on the level of Ford himself, no. at this moment, he perceives him more as an idea, as something inspiring, as a path to knowledge that can be read in the web of snow-white stars. he addresses his muse as a higher consciousness, which rarely visits him in dreams, and he listens to his every word. It seems to me that Ford's former religious upbringing also plays a role here, as well as the most persistent belief in the paranormal, which was based only on science fiction stories before moving to gravity falls. Ford's egocentricity, his belief in his own exclusivity, perfectionism combined with arrogance, also play here, which led to the fact that he really, without a doubt, believed that he was chosen as the greatest genius of our time. but really, why not believe if he was so successful in finding and justifying the existence of the supernatural in the first place?
and then - even more. all Ford's pages that relate to Bill at this point in time look fabulous, magical, and unreal. as if torn from a dream, depicting cosmic, unattainable expanses of consciousness and flying chess are symbols of knowledge and business cooperation for him. in such a hazy haze of consciousness, Ford very naively and dangerously agrees to give Bill permission to control his body as he pleases. and for Ford, it makes sense - how can a near-divine being, who does not have his own selfish desires and emotions, do something bad to him? even in the cold flame, when shaking hands, he finds an exquisite and mesmerizing moment.
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torn pages from Bill's book complement this period in Ford's life - he depicts himself turning to heaven, which also shows his vision of Cipher as an extraterrestrial being that is incomprehensible to his human mind. he treats their relationship as the creation of an important chapter in the whole story, so all his words show excitement - he does not know how to address Bill correctly, is not sure what he should do. after all, it was the first time he found someone who did not turn away from him but found him even in dreams - he could not then lose such a truly fateful chance.
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hence, religious servility, and this is it, in its purest form, begins to intertwine with Ford's own emotions, as well as fill a huge hole in his life in the form of the appearance of a friend. reverence begins to mix with respect and the desire to just be friends.
after all, Cipher's flattery is aimed not only at Ford's ambitions - it concerns all his insecurities and questionable life choices. where he speaks almost directly about how Ford is always right, and everyone else is either stupid or envious of Pines and his boundless special mind. Also, these empty compliments are aimed at Ford's main fear - being rejected by society or anyone at all. Bill promises him not power, not money, but his faces on all scientific journals - that is, fame.
the exchange of mutual jokes and thoughts leads to the emergence of friendship from Ford's point of view. he gets used to Bill's extraordinary statements and finds them native in his own way, some unusual feature of his communication style. Stanford is unusual himself, so he is happy to meet not only manifestations of paranormal activity but also sometimes creepy statements by Cipher, finding them exciting, making Bill's recruitment work even easier.
Bill helps Ford with anxiety, constantly advises something, even improved his eyesight - all these countless gifts began to change Bill's title in Ford's head from a friend to a best friend who was with him not only for the sake of transferring some kind of supreme knowledge - but also just like that, in seemingly mortal matters and problems. he was even ready to get a tattoo on himself at the request of his muse, but at the last moment, nevertheless, refused.
it should be understood that Stanford, due to limited experience of communication and socialization, had no idea what was normal and what was abnormal. Now and beyond, Cipher's demands will begin to grow in their seriousness, and Ford will really stop asking questions about them. maybe he justified it by saying that this is what friendship between beings of different kinds looks like, maybe a slight infatuation mixed with adoration with pink glasses closed any logical conclusions.
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Ford's birthday is an indicator of a complete departure from Bill's perception of a divine being. Ford received a rather dubious gift in the form of dead rats laid out in his name, but it didn't matter at all to him - the main thing was that his birthday was remembered. the attention paid to the lonely Ford completely killed any rational thinking, so at the moment of drunken singing within the boundaries of reason with his muse, he was happy. He found someone who understood him, worked side by side with him, and was just there for him.
maybe there would not have been this blind infatuation of any character, Ford would have asked more questions about such strange and very disturbing signs of attention, like a tattoo or dead animals, but the emotional nature that he so desperately hid from himself won out again.
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the moment Bill listened to him about Stanley, told him, and showed him the last atoms of his destroyed dimension, was the peak of their relationship. the very intimacy of such a conversation, its irreplaceability, when Ford saw not his exalted muse - he saw another being who had lost his home. he is ready to help at the same moment because he cares, and he will do everything to help with the pain, not knowing the whole truth.
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later, on the pages about Krampus, Ford puts Bill on the level of Fiddleford's wife and asks in his diary when his muse will appear when his assistant left him. Ford does this unconsciously, which only confirms a young and even innocent love, which Pines himself does not notice out of inexperience.
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and that's why he gets angry when Bill doesn't show up to fight the monster on his conversion. he bitterly thinks that Bill inspires another scientist, that is, he is jealous, and that maybe they are absolutely not partners at all, that is, he is afraid of losing Cipher. all these thoughts are recorded in the diary as a single whirlwind of emotions, which again confirms this indifference to Bill.
and when Bill pointed out to Ford his inattention, he immediately wilted, came to his senses, and was ashamed. he really regarded Bill's words as the truth. sometimes returning again to the near-religious servility that had gone away, but in tense moments made itself reappear.
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let's end this chapter with a page from the website about the axolotl, which Ford was forced to release at the request of Cipher. Because of Bill's clever mockery of leaving Ford for another scientist, he, in a panic, agrees to everything. he just seems to point out their difference in positions in the relationship a little sadly, no matter what - because Bill always knows better than Ford, and it's better not to argue once again.
In conclusion, we can briefly summarize that Ford went from religious anxious adoration to friendly relaxation and again to loving blind anxiety.
stay tuned for the next chapter about Bill's perspective on this period of time!
#gravityfalls#billford#stanford pines#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#ford pines#gravity falls analysis
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4 Minutes, Family, and Perceptions of Reality
Last week, before episode 6 aired, I was itching to pen some thoughts about breaking down family ties in 4 Minutes and how I thought themes like intergenerational trauma and filial piety (I stay so typical here on this blog) were affecting each character.
I'm glad I held off, and it's still probably just too soon to write this kind of analysis without knowing the entirety of the story. But this post by @cookie-kat777 about Great and possible present depression has me thinking at least about family, the way we are raised, and how our upbringings at least contribute to how we see the world as adults.
In this past Friday's episode, with @cookie-kat777's post on my mind, Great struck me as lonely and sociopathic -- and did Bible Wichapas ever do a HELL of a job acting out Great's generally questionable reactions as compared to everyday, normal social expectations of behavior surrounding INCREDIBLY intense and traumatic exposures to literal murder and/or death. At least we see him taking meds, but those giggles at the dinner table with his family were clearly off-putting and indicated that Great is not quite âthereâ in the head.
Even if Great didn't know about the illegal gambling business that built his wealthy lifestyle -- the choices, separately, that his father and his mother made to ensure their existence as a wealthy and important family certainly had brutal impacts on Great as he grew up, as well as, we assume, their emotional neglect of him during his upbringing.
(And, if I can bring up an example from the previous timeshift of earlier in the series, we know Great's parents used money to literally buy him happiness by way of toys that had no emotional meaning to him. Money may have bought him protection from consequences, but we've known from the start that it's never brought him happiness.)
Great's perception of what's SAFE and morally/ethically RIGHT, or at least, ACCEPTABLE, in the wider world, versus his own internal world, are UTTERLY OFF. While @cookie-kat777 absolutely lays out how that mental state could affect Great internally vis Ă vis depression, I'll also posit that it was Great's family environment -- his mother, his father, and Korn growing up knowing that he'd inherit at least some of the family business -- that also is fucking up his perception of the expected binary of "right" and "wrong" of society. We don't know quite how his mother clawed her way to Great's father's side, without Korn's mom present, but I'm going to guess it was brutal -- especially, as we see in this latest timeshift, Great's ability to walk away from death multiple times, and his father's angry ease in making death "go away," as it were (and let's throw Title in there, too).
A child's understanding of the world, how to go about in the world, how to interact in the world, how they relate to the external world, comes so much from their upbringing. An upbringing of a child creates relativity for that child. As children, we see the world as our caretakers interacted in it, and we're inclined to repeat that behavior -- until we are challenged by external forces to change our behavior and our viewpoints. Just as the four minutes from the time oxygen is cut off to a brain creates a new sense of perception, a specific upbringing of a child -- by parents, by grandparents, by a foster family, by an orphanage, etc. -- will have direct impacts on how that child grows up to relate to its world as an adult.
Tyme is the person that offers a challenge to Great's understanding of and relation to the external world and, subsequently, Greatâs internal world as well. In this new timeshift of episode 6, I appreciate how Tyme seems so much more bitter, transactional, and "real" in straight-up using Great -- all while Great admires Tyme's tenacity to fuck with Great's family, as if Tyme were doing an action that Great has longed to do against his own family. Great ultimately does something, a one thing, in saving Tyme, but Tyme still walks away from Great, and Great is still left alone.
But in that process of being left alone, AGAIN, this time by someone who challenged him -- Great then moves forward to challenge his own existence and upbringing, confronting, finally, his parents for their decisions, and driving away from his mother. ...
... only to get shot by a grieving person in Tonkla, someone seeking revenge for a murdered brother that Tonkla simply loved. No matter where this story goes, at least we know that Tonkla loved Dome, to the extent of murdering others on Dome's behalf. While this storyline also isn't fully revealed, the Tonkla/Dome storyline narrates back to us, in another strange way, how family and familial ties can drive a person to go utterly haywire in their existence to survive and understand the world.
And, finally -- we learn that Tyme's parents were possibly the kingpins of the Sriwat illegal gambling business. How Tyme sees the world, in whatever timeshift he's in, has now also gotten jacked up with this piece of potential truth. What is his new reality vis Ă vis what he's been told? What is his capability to survive, especially after being saved by Great?
Like I said before, ha: I think it's too early to write this post without knowing if we'll be given a final, central narrative line about how all of these timeshifts link up. But I am LOVING, in this FABULOUS show, how we're being shown that the truths of how our families lived their lives can have such great impact on the way WE live OUR lives as adults, and I'm taking that theme away as something this show is commenting so very sophisticatedly on.
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#4 minutes meta#4 minutes the series meta#greattyme#great x tyme#tyme x great#jesbible#jes jespipat#bible wichapas
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ALL ABOUT VIRGO ASCENDANT
Hey y'all! We've got the next installment in the ascendant series (so close to the halfway point!) with Virgo!
Ahhh Virgo, the dutiful maiden of the zodiac. I actually find Virgo to be one of the most interesting zodiac signs (mostly because Mutable Mercury in Earth is a crazy combination), and the ascendant is no less interesting!
Again, the ascendant is how the world sees us. It rules our physical body, our life path, the zodiac rulers of each house in our chart, our outlook on life, and how our energy purely manifests.
Virgo's ruler, as I said, is the observant and mischevious Mercury. But Virgo is a bit different from it's counterpart Gemini. Where Gemini is bubbly, activated, and motivated to communicate, Virgo is more about analysis. Picking things apart and reassessing it for practicality, efficiency, and economy.
The risings are much like this. They see the world as a project that can always be improved. There's always something to fix, something to readjust, something to change. They're noticing all the little details and how each detail is working in the mechanical whole.
It's why you're so put together, Virgo. These risings tend to be well-manicured. They appear neat and well-groomed, usually preferring understated clothing. They can also be a bit self-preoccupied; they always need to look or present themselves a certain way. Perhaps the eyes are bit doe-like or their features are petite and dainty. Some may wear glasses or some other accessory to highlight their intelligence and reserved nature. Regardless, their eyes always have this special intensity...like they're studying you and sizing you up. I once had a Virgo Rising friend who said whenever she goes on a date she looks first at a man's shoes, then works her way up for her analysis. Very on brand for a Virgo Rising, lol.
Virgos can range in their presentation a bit. Some are more anxious, self-aware, and self-critical. Some are more observant and analytical, quiet and reserved. Others are more warm and service-oriented. But again, there's an emphasis on efficiency and service/work.
With a 4th House Sagittarius, these risings have a very Jupiterian-like home environment. There are many opportunities to learn, grow, and these natives may be blessed in many ways regarding their homes. However, with Sagittarius we usually find there is a message and a battle between man and spirit. Being mutable fire, Sagittarius wants to both investigate it's own actions and also disseminate information. Perhaps there was scrutiny in the Virgos home regarding their actions or a specific set of beliefs were established regarding what was acceptable or permissible in the home. In an unhealed manner, Sagittarius can be very stuck in its ways and attached to its ego. The home environment could be very rigid in this way...perhaps through religion, beliefs, faith, or education! School and learning may be very important to these individuals as it is something that could've been emphasized by the parents/home environment growing up.
In their private lives, Virgo Risings can indulge themselves in a variety of exciting behaviors. These types may like to drink, smoke, and vibe out in the privacy of their own homes. Or they love to learn and read about other cultures, far-away places, and interesting people. These natives have an innate curiosity about life that's been hammered into them!
Says a lot about the Virgo's discriminatory, cerebral nature and even their penchant for condescension/criticism.
Something else I'm now thinking about...perhaps Virgos need for control comes from a chaotic home environment. Mutable signs in general can hold space for turbulence both internally and externally. These are signs who most easily adapt. The home environment could've been filled with people/parental figures coming in and out. Family staying and leaving. Parental figures who were inconsistent or irrationally angry. Avoidant parents who did not know how to deal with conflict. Again, we can keep going and going and going with these Sagittarius themes.
I'll try not to make the other house breakdowns too wordy. For the 10th, the public image, life, and vocation of these natives is ruled by Gemini! Communication and connection is ultimately how these natives manifest service in their lives. Often Virgo Risings will become actors (Timothee Chalamet, Janelle Monae, Emma Watson). This is a good indicator for music or some other lyrical ability as well. Jay-Z himself is a Virgo Rising. Another funny way it could manifest is with the examples of Steve Jobs and Rachel Ray! One created a company that revolutionized communication forever, the other became a lively TV show personality. All very Gemini vocations. Something about the information you have to share or the way you communicate is key here, Virgo Rising. You have the potential to inspire and be seen for your articulation and your mind. Enrich the qualities of both and you shall see success. It is Mercury who awakens your authority in life.
As for the 7th house, Virgo Risings can tend to pick partners who need help or who need to be fixed or saved in some way. Or partners who are just bad for them/toxic. This is the more unhealthy side of Pisces, a sign who can be severely ungrounded and drain the energy from others. Pisces is also a bit of a helpless energy and so Virgo Risings can manifest partners who reflect this. Virgo may attract emotional people in general! People who seek to dump their worries and emotions onto the Virgo. It's a very Virgo thing unfortunately. Everyone wants you to be there mother! People may sense you can heal them in some way or emotionally fulfill them...and while that may be true...boundaries! You are not here to serve everyone, Virgo! You are here to understand yourself and to fall in love with your imperfections. A humility can be found in Virgo and Pisces can help you do this! The opposition here is that Virgo needs Piscean partners/people who inspire a dreaminess, a loftiness, and an ease in Virgo. You do not have to work all the time nor do you have to be so hard on yourself. Pisces can teach Virgo unconditional love and how to devote their energy to things that truly matter and will emotionally fulfill them. They will teach the Virgo to listen to how they feel and to truly evolve from their experiences. And Virgo, you need someone who is just as devotional as you!
Virgos have to investigate their own wounds and fears around authority and independence. There can be some guilt and wounding around leadership and being selfish (Aries 8H) that can take time to heal. There could also be wounding around being too self-focused! Virgo can be so caught up in controlling themselves and their own lives that they become vindictive and judgmental rather than open and receptive. It's about calculated risks with the 8H and acknowledging the areas of our growth so we may challenge those beliefs and unearth our power through change! Once you do, you will find a sense of peace and earthliness (Taurus 9H). Learning those Taurean themes will set you free and become your philosophy and foundation. Firm boundaries, stubbornness, holding your own. Learning to value oneself and one's abilities. Learning to hold space and be open to others as well. This is what you must learn so you may achieve your highest potential and communicate your truth! (Gemini 10th).
The esoteric ruler of Virgo is The Moon. Ultimately, Virgos learn to love without conditions, much like a mother loves their children. They focus on the immediacy of their needs rather than getting caught up in the details. Their lives become tapestries of healing and devotion rather than cold calculations. Information does not become the defense, instead it is distilled into medicinal wisdom that can benefit others. Virgo you are here to learn how to serve better.
That's all for this one folks! I had more to say here as a sidereal Pisces with a lottt of Virgo Rising friends. I tend to attract you all a LOT. Y'all bring so much rationality, care, and stability into my life and I appreciate it so deeply. I just want you Virgos to take care of yourselves and to open yourself up to new experiences! You can do it!
#virgo#astro observations#horoscope#astrology#natal chart#zodiac#astro notes#astro community#ascendant#astrology signs#astrologer#virgo rising#mercury#vulcan#the moon#natal astrology#astro placements#astro tumblr#astrology community#astrology observations#astrology notes
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Anger is Humanity: An Analysis on Andre Kriegman
Disclaimer: This analysis is limited only to commentary and analysis as a means to reflect and understand the characters and the internal and external factors that affect their decisions and actions, this is true rationality. Just like all of my posts, I am detached from the media I write about and solely focus on the characters to understand their backgrounds and psychology, for others to gain insight. There is no room for me to romanticize anything I write because I am only here to explain in my understanding. Thank you.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
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There are five stages of griefâyet some find themselves perpetually stuck and fixated on the second. It is a never-ending loop due to the fear of experiencing discomfort once the light is found; it is the fear of change, the bargaining of reality, the depression in the recurrence, and the acceptance that misfortune runs in your veins. One is not born with misfortune but rather handed with it.
THE SUPEREGO. A concept based on the Freudian principles of psychoanalysis, which generally develops through the internalization of values and norms given by primary groups (family and society). If members of these groups are either overly strict and abusive or lacking guidance, poor superego is molded. The superego controls the id's basic desires by using the ego, relying on internalized moral ideals. If the superego is underdeveloped, then there is an impairment in moral reasoning and the ability to distinguish what is morally just and unjust.  Furthermore, factors such as abusive environments also play a role in hindering normal superego development. Negative consequences are also brought by exposure to violence or alienation.
With this, we view Andre Kriegman in a new light.Â
His behavior might be the result of an imbalance where his id's destructive desires aren't properly controlled by a strong superego. Freud has also noted various defense mechanisms the ego uses to handle conflicts between the id, superego, and external reality. If Andre's superego isn't functioning well, he might depend on unhealthy defense mechanisms like projection and blaming others for his indecent thoughts or rationalization by justifying his harmful behavior with logical reasoning.
Anger does not come from evil, but it comes from the mistreatment you receive.
It is the pain inflicted on you, the misfortune that leads you to believe that there is no possibility of ever finding the room to grow and move on. The reason why Andre is so fixated on hatred and anger is that it is a defense mechanism born out of the tragic reality that he has been and is hurt. It is the trauma response that begs to cling on you because you fear that in change, more misfortune will arise.
Angerâthat is Andre Kriegman. In a world where you have constantly been alienated, you feel less human. You are not perceived, therefore, you do not exist. You are stripped away from whatever humanity you have, because to be a human, you must exist. You are a mere entity, an omnipresent being that is everywhere yet nowhere, all at once. Forced to watch a crowd interact, fearing and knowing you are so easy to be disregarded. You try to imitate them when interacting to be deemed more human, yet alas, all subside suddenly when you are deemed as a deviant. You are isolated, believed to be nothing, and therefore, gone.Â
Anger sprouts from injustice. This is the rationality in angerâeven how disproportionate it feels, like how Andre feels his anger. It is rooted in the lack of good treatment. The hate you feel is disproportionate as if your body begs to regurgitate all the hate you have and project it to anyone elseâyour family, your peers, and even yourself. You have this strong want to let others feel the pain you feel and bear, simply because this is the part of you that yearns and begs to be seen. To be understood, to be empathized with, to feel human, to be human.
To be treated as you should've been treatedâwell.
Anger is human. It is a part of humanity itself. Yet, as true as it can be, you can never heal with the same thing that caused it. Pain does not heal pain and anger does not heal anger, that is reality.
Andre Kriegman is anger, he is a reflection of humanity itself and the humanity he was shown. Humanity is anger.
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"I have made my position known that I think people identifying as neutral or unaligned are cowards"
What is the best objective evidence you have? Not people with PhDs saying things, raw data and peer-reviewed analysis.
As long as someone is consistent in their standard for truth, there shouldn't be any problems, right? At the very least, not in an environment where external forces aren't forcing interaction.
I think most of the instances I cite of people with PhDs saying things are also peer reviewed analyses.
The Transgender Mental Health book, for instance. Same with Varieties of Tulpa Experiences.
Both are solid analyses.
And we're still waiting on the fMRI tulpa study to be published.
But I kind of want to step away and go in a different direction, because the reason I find the existence of endogenic plurality to be obvious is simply because of basic facts and reasoning. So let's start with one observation that I think we can all agree on.
Fact: There is a phenomenon across multiple religions and spiritual beliefs where people report other agents communicating with them or possessing their bodies. These other agents are recurrent and seemingly intelligent. These experiences can be intentionally induced through willful spiritual practices.
With the fact established, let's talk about possible explanations.
They're all liars: Basically, every person who has ever claimed to talk to a spirit/god or been possessed is intentionally and maliciously lying. To me, this is a pretty silly conclusion and I don't think it's realistic. Especially when it comes to people who report these experiences without having anything to gain for them. If people were lying, these practices wouldn't be as popular since everyone who tried them honestly would find that they didn't work.
They're all spirits: For this, I'm not going to argue about whether spirits exist or not. Maybe they do and some of these cases are from actual spirits. It's not my place to judge. But I don't think you can say that all of the spirits exist. Some religions are just too contradictory. Even if we said some spirits are real, that couldn't account for all of the people who claim to speak to them. (Although if the spirits are real, that's still a form of endogenic plurality.)
So what of the cases that aren't lies, and aren't literal spirits?
Dissociation: To me, this is pretty clearly the only explanation left. People are obviously experiencing SOMETHING. And what they're experiencing involves thoughts that are not their own. Thoughts that feel so different and distinct that they attribute them to some other agent. And yet, these thoughts would be originating from the same brain.
In order for you to have something in your mind that forms its own thoughts separate from your own, while maintaining consistency and being intelligent enough to pass a Turing test, there has to be at least some level of dissociative compartmentalization present.
All in all, even without citing the many studies into endogenic and non-disordered systems, I just find the very suggestion endogenic systems aren't real to be incredibly illogical.
#syscourse#pro endogenic#pro endo#endogenic#sysblr#multiplicity#plural#system#systems#plurality#actually plural#actually a system
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ENNEAGRAM SIX INTRODUCTION (Doberman Pinscher)
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Six perceives the world as too unpredictable. Their objective of life is to establish a sense of safety.
Their (unconscious) fear is loss of stability or certainty.
SEEKS:
SECURITY
By being prepared for potential problems or by relying on external guidance for decision-making.
COMPLIANT TO:
THEIR SAFETY NET
âI need to make sure of this.â
âDo I have something to fall back on?â
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Itâs an ongoing sense of anticipation about possible (physical, financial, emotional or social) problems. 6s keep a lookout for them but also experience chronic self-doubt in their own decisions or mistrust in the world that seems unstable and uncertain. Therefore, letting your guard down would be a dangerous move.
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Healthy 6s channel their need for certainty and stability into practical preparedness. They are methodical and tackle problems or crises with courage and careful analysis, avoiding reckless actions. Their ability to stay on top of challenges help them protect themselves and others from trouble.
Average 6s anticipate potential problems at every turn and overthink or micromanage their environment to control their anxiety. This may result in risk aversion and indecision, driven by a fear of making harmful or irreversible choices. They become trapped in pessimism and might struggle with low self-esteem.
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Healthy 6s display a balanced sense of critical thinking, allowing them to foresee problems. They can easily spot inaccuracies or unsafe situations and respond quickly to address them. They donât feel the need to prove their strength nor their loyalty, instead trusting their own judgments to make the right decisions.
Average 6s lack confidence in their own abilities. They may become overly reliant on a person, job, community, rules or belief system to feel secure. Yet they struggle to determine who or what they can truly trust, increasing their doubt to the point they might even question their own mind in the process.
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Healthy 6s feel mostly secure in their relationships and stand by their loved ones or communities through thick and thin and provide protection, stability and care for them. They are also excellent team members or coworkers, as they take their commitments, responsibilities, and work very seriously.
Average 6s are driven by a fear of being attacked, abandoned, or betrayed. They might be hyperalert to any changes in behavior and overreact if they perceive threats. Some 6s find people as too untrustworthy and avoid them altogether, while other 6s are overly dependent on people for reassurance.
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đ This is an introduction to the world of Enneagram. Stay tuned to my blog as I'm gonna explore each Enneagram type in depth in the coming weeks. đ
#enneagram#psychology#typology#personality#personality theory#spirituality#self growth#dog#personality types#enneagram 6#6w5#6w7#Doberman Pinscher
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SORTING DISNEY VILLAINS (1937-1989)
For *spooky season.* I suspect this will be easier than sorting the heroes, who tend to be reactive while villains are very clear about what they want and what exactly theyâre going to do to get it. Letâs see if this ends up being the case.Â
I go into a lot more detail about this character analysis system here, and talk about the move away from the HP terminology here. But here are the basics:Â
PRIMARY (ie MOTIVE)
BADGERÂ ~ Loyal to the group.
SNAKEÂ ~ Loyal to yourself and your Important People.
LIONÂ ~ Subconscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to feelings and instincts.
BIRDÂ ~ Conscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to built systems and external facts.
SECONDARY (ie METHOD)
BADGERÂ ~ Connect with the group. Make allies, work steadily and well. Be whatever the situation calls for. If you find a locked door, knock.
SNAKEÂ ~ Connect with the environment. Notice things. Tell people what they want to hear. If you find a locked door, get in through the window.
BIRDÂ ~ Collect skills, knowledge, tools, personas, useful friends. If you find a locked door, track down the key or learn to pick the lock.
LIONÂ ~ Be honest, be direct, speak your truth. Either the obstacle is going down or you are. If you find a locked door, kick it in.
THE EVIL QUEEN (1937) - BURNT BADGER / BIRD
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So. I know that in Snow White the Queen's Thing is Vanity, but. The âVain Villainessâ trope is about the fear of becoming less powerful in a world that only values you for your looks.... which doesnât actually seem to be her issue? The Queen seems pretty darn unchallenged in her universe. Thatâs almost part of the problem - thereâs an addiction/obsession/paranoia flavor to the way sheâs constantly checking in with the Mirror.
I donât think the Queen is actually obsessed with Snow Whiteâs beauty. I think sheâs obsessed with her innocence, her âheartâ (thatâs literally what she asks the Huntsman to bring her, Snowâs heart in a box.) Snow White isnât just the âfairestâ as in the prettiest, but the fairest as in the most fair-minded, the most honorable. The presence of Snow, with her optimism, kindness, and trust is an existential threat, proof that the Queen is going about things all wrong. The power we see her wield definitely has an edge of sadism: She forces Snow to wear rags (none of the other princesses wear *rags.*) And Iâll be haunted by this image of the Queenâs dungeons forever.
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So even though my first instinct was to go Hedonist Snake primary for the Evil Queen, thatâs not right. Sheâs not focused on enjoying herself. She doesnât seem conscious enough of her own desires to be a Bird, and Exploded Lion is possible⌠but Iâm going with Burnt Badger. An obsession with being âFairest of them allâ seems to suggest a group-focused, External-facing primary, and I absolutely see how the extremely UnBurnt Badger Snow White would really get under a Burnt Badgerâs skin.Â
Obviously a Bird secondary. The Evil Queen is Mad Scientist coded, even has a literal evil laboratory. The âOld Croneâ plan features a transformation, a costume, and is very much an Actor Bird persona. Â
THE WICKED STEPMOTHER (1950) - SNAKE / BADGER
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While she does seem to get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of controlling Cinderella, the Wicked Stepmotherâs main motivation is her daughters. Her daughters kind of suck, but that doesnât actually matter. The Stepmother is going to make sure they get that happy ending, with all the targeted loyalty of a Snake Primary. Thereâs a Badger secondary in there too, which you can see in the way sheâs⌠subtle. The Stepmother takes away Cinderellaâs privilege bit by bit⌠but never actually goes after her directly. She manipulates her daughters into doing her dirty work (like the way they tear up Cinderellaâs dress) so she can always maintain plausible deniability. Sheâs prim, sheâs proper, sheâs Lady Tremaine. Dark Courtier Badger, all the way.Â
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS (1951) - LION / LION
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This Queenâs thing is that sheâs childish. She wants what she wants NOW. Doesnât matter if it makes sense, doesnât matter if itâs impossible. The Queen of Hearts functions as both a lesson to Alice (authority figures donât always know what theyâre talking about) and as a warning (this could be you if you donât navigate the transition to adulthood properly.) I see a very young Glory Hound Lion primary in the way she forces everyone else to cheat so she gets the emotional reward of winning the croquet game. I also want to attribute the Queen of Heartsâ extremely short fuse to her Lion primary - she acts on what sheâs feeling the *second* she starts feeling it, and never questions this. Also she's a Lion secondary. Thereâs no plan. She lives in Wonderland. Sheâs living moment to moment.
CAPTAIN HOOK (1953) - BADGER / SNAKE
Unlike the Queen of Hearts, Captain Hook does not seem to be *of* the magical land he lives in. He is this outside force trying to impose order on Neverland, leading the only rigid organization there and constantly tying up/imprisoning the main characters. Hook is also the only one threatened by the concept of time (the ticking crocodile.) *Peter* will never grow old. But somehow Captain Hook will? Or feels like he will? Tradition also says that the actor playing Wendyâs controlling father should play Hook as well (the Disney film uses the same voice actor in both roles) so there's definitely something about toxic order going on. In the world of Peter Pan, Hook/Father becomes representative of adulthood/society/the Man. That makes him an Authoritarian Badger primary, defined by his organizations.
For his secondary - Hookâs not much of a planner. Heâs most effective while he is talking an angry Tinker Bell into helping him, and in that scene heâs charming. He flatters her, pivots according to what he thinks she wants to hear, and while Courtier Badger secondary is possible, I think this feels more like Snake. (I also think you have to be some kind of Improvisational secondary in order to hold your own against Peter.) It makes sense - Hook has to be appealing and seductive as well as threatening, because that's kind of what adulthood is.
MALEFICENT (1959) - BIRD / LION
Maleficent feels socially slighted in a very *abstract* way. She doesnât seem to have an emotional response to either the other fairies OR the King and Queen OR Aurora. Her curse doesnât have anything to do with with her social standing, or her power, or her role in the kingdom. We actually donât know what Maleficentâs deal is. Maybe by not inviting her to the christening the kingdom has broken some important Rule of hers. Or maybe sheâs just torturing people because sheâs bored, and this is a fun Project. (That is her plan with Phillip after all, and this image will ALSO always haunt me.)
But either way, sheâs a Bird primary. The only question is if sheâs more of a System-Building Bird, or a Project Bird.Â
Unusually for such a cold villain, I think I want to give her a Lion secondary. Sheâs patient, and her plans take place over long time-frames, but the plans themselves are direct - âWhen your daughter turns sixteen, I will kill her.â Done. Also, when Maleficent is threatened, she turns into a giant dragon who certainly does not plan, and her goons (while useless) are very loyal. So another point for Inspirational secondary.
CRUELLA DE VIL (1961) - LION / LION
Cruella wants a coat made out of Dalmatian puppies. Thatâs it. So I'm putting her in the same category as Hannibal Lecter, someone doing this for the *art,* the ~*~aesthetic~*~ of the thing. But unlike Hannibal, nothing about Cruella is cold or considered. I donât think sheâd be able to tell you why she wants that Dalmatian coat apart from âItâs fabulous, darling.â So instead of going Bird primary (the typical Weird Villain sorting) Iâm saying she's a Lion. Cruella seems to have an aesthetic-based morality: "fabulous" and "non-fabulous," instead of "good" and "bad." Sheâs a Fay Lion primary, like Jack Sparrow.
Her secondary is harder. She definitely has goons, but theyâre useless, and donât seem to like her much. She doesnât plot or face-change. She clearly likes Anita and doesnât like Roger, and never bothers to mask this. Cruella first tries to buy the puppies - then sort of seems surprised when this doesnât work? Honestly, the main impression I get from her is that sheâs⌠not trying very hard. She only really starts to care right at the very end, when sheâs driving with wild hair and crazy eyes, as her roadster falls apart around her. Iâm going with Lion secondary to reflect that tendency she has to operate at either 1% or 100%.
MADAME MIM (1963) - LION / SNAKE
Madame Mim has a sort of a professional rivalry going on with Merlin, and dislikes when Wart calls him âthe greatest wizard in the land.â So of course she challenges him to a wizard duel. She wants to be the best, she wants to win⌠and thatâs all there is to it. So we have another Glory Hound Lion primary.Â
Itâs very clear that Madame Mim loves transformation. She switches between her different faces as many times as she possibly can over the course of a single conversation. Notably, she has a sexy version of herself that she uses to charm people into doing what she wants⌠and thereâs no reason she couldnât wear that all the time. But she doesnât want to. Mim gets a lot of joy out of her fluid Snake secondary, and when sheâs not solving a problem she just wants to chill out in Neutral.Â
PRINCE JOHN (1973) - EXPLODED SNAKE / BIRD
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Prince Johnâs motivation has a couple of layers. Obviously, heâs a *little* bit too excited about taxing on the citizens of Nottingham⌠but thatâs because heâs overcompensating. His main visual design element is a crown that doesnât fit. Heâs not King John, he's Prince John, only in charge until his other (better) brother Richard comes home from the Crusades. Thatâs why heâs so easily flattered - heâs incredibly insecure. But his conflict isn't with Richard, exactly. Itâs really... mommy issues. Everything John does is to please Mummy (an off screen-character.) Very Exploded Snake primary.Â
Secondary is hard because John is incompetent. He mostly solves problems by pointing the Sheriff of Nottingham at them. Itâs a running joke that he doesnât actually listen to his advisor Sir Hiss, who generally has the right idea but isn't a suck-up. I guess John does lay kind of sophisticated traps for Robin Hood? They donât work, but the intent at least is Bird. So I guess I would have to go with that - a pretty incompetent Bird secondary.Â
PROFESSOR RATIGAN (1986) - BURNT SNAKE / BIRD
Unlike Madame Mim and Merlin, whatever Basil of Baker Street and Ratigan have going on does not feel like a professional rivalry. Technically Ratigan is plotting a coup⌠but he spends approximately 85% of his on-screen time entirely focused on Basil. They are at least ex-friends who now hate each other (and itâs really easy to read them as straight-up bitter exes.) Even his hatred of being called a âratâ seems to be linked to Basil - that's an insult Basil uses, implying that Ratigan is motivated by hedonism and ego, and not by the purity of the puzzle the way that Bird Primary Basil is. Really, heâs criticizing Ratigan for having a Snake primary motivation.Â
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Ratigan is very obviously a very loud Bird secondary. He loves lists, he loves Rube-Goldberg devices. Heâs based off Professor Moriarty, it's Snake Bird all the way down.
URSULA THE SEA WITCH (1989) - SNAKE / BIRD
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So Ursula wants to take over, be the new monarch of the sea⌠which is usually a Glory Hound Lion motivation. But there's the implication the she's doing this to specifically screw over Triton... which would make her more of a Snake. Ursula also has a *very* hedonistic approach to life, something you often see in Snake primaries with small circles. It's just her and her âbabies," the eels Flotsam and Jetsam. He eels also seem very emotionally important to her, as far as villain minions go. This could be another example of Snake primary loyalty.
I don't know, I just think a Lion primary Ursula would be angrier, more of a Scar. Sheâs doing her own thing, and makes use of an opportunity that falls into her lap. This is structurally a story about King Triton (who has the big emotional arc and the most character change) so it makes sense that she is specifically a Triton villain, and Ariel was just unlucky enough to get in the way.
I'm actually going to say Bird secondary for Ursula. I agree that she gives off Snake secondary *vibes,* and absolutely might model or perform it for fun. But the way she wins over Ariel is by spouting facts very fast and very confidently, then getting her to sign a bad contract - itâs a Corrupt Lawyer beat more than anything. Vanessa, Ursula's alternate form, is more an Actor Bird transformation (Wicked Queen style) and less a Snake secondary playing around (Madame Mim style.) Vanessa is Ursula's version of Ariel - she even speaks with Ariel's voice. That's a Bird secondary approach. When Ursulaâs plans start falling apart, she doesn't pivot. She starts looking very Lion secondary - exactly like Bird secondary Ariel does when sheâs overwhelmed.
Tl;drÂ
Double Lion -Â Queen of Hearts, Cruella De Vil
Lion Snake - Madame Mim
Snake Bird - Prince John, Professor Ratigan, Ursula
Snake Badger - Wicked Stepmother
Badger Snake - Captain Hook
Badger Bird - Evil Queen
Bird Lion - Maleficent
#disney#sortinghatchats#shc#queen of hearts#cruella de vil#madame mim#disneyâs robin hood#prince john#professor ratigan#ursula the sea witch#wicked stepmother#lady tremaine#captain hook#evil queen#snow white evil queen#maleficent#wisteria sorts
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What happens to your assessment of the story told in Saezuru once you acknowledge that Doumeki forced himself on Yashiro? That Yoneda broke one of the âstandardâ rules of romance? There is a place between taking in a scene in a fictional story and making a moral judgment (or looking for someone to make a moral judgment for us to agree with). The place where you donât have to judge and reach a conclusion immediately or make any call on the meaning of what is happening in a fictional story, but you have to first try to understand cause and effect, internal coherence and charactersâ motivations from an external point of view that doesnât coincide with your own. Some of the best stories youâll come across will require some work on your part: for stories to be listened to and taken in, for stories to operate on you, the reader, instead of you trying to mold them into what you wanted them to be, bringing your pre-formed expectations in too heavily.
I believe that, generally speaking, many readers may have low expectations for comic books, manga and BL especially. I write this and I already feel a bit guilty because there are so many who have such genuine and emotional interest in Saezuru and that take the time to write and read so many extra analyses including reading the ones in this blog. But I have questions when I come across comments or analyses that indicate such radically different levels of interaction with the story, with expectations that it wonât present any real issues apart from 1) those who can be treated as (psychological = pathological) deficiencies originating from âtraumaâ (actual magic word now that let us magnanimously forgive characters who are âdifferentâ) and that must be âhealedâ (aka corrected: now now child, start behaving normally); 2) those that can be fixed by a punitive action and our expected contempt (bad guys only). Arenât we maybe underplaying or trying to keep control over what we are reading? Maybe, also, people who approach these kind of stories for pure entertainment and escapism, or because theyâre curious about what is popular in a particular circle and want to participate in fandom for the social aspect of it, are relaying on established tropes or fandom staples. All extra context is lost, layers of sociocultural norms or the storyâs themes, broader lore or mythology are left behind, because what matters is molding the characters so that they can serve a purpose: in many cases a romantic trope that is often a repetition, an insistence on ideas already used. I imagine that writers that want to tell original stories donât want the same thing and are actually trying to avoid it when they are writing or drawing characters with depth and coherence and stories that have a scope and feel grounded in a particular world or setting. Even writers who can only publish their work under appealing marketing labels like BL is now. But it would benefit us readers in general to approach this particular story with less preconceptions, less like mass-product-for-pleasing-people and more like a creative endeavor that want to be explored and to create conversations.
Unfortunately - letâs be real and blunt - in some cases prejudice can also lead few people to think that a Japanese mangaka and especially a Japanese woman wonât have the âright skillsâ to deal with complex subjects with enough âclarityâ, or âawarenessâ: these aspects being sexuality, gender identity or the aftermath of sexual assault, or the sociological aspects of sexual violence in specific circumstances and environments. We have been lead to believe that these âproblematicâ themes were just so common for yaoi, no further analysis needed, only tropes and kinks, only labels, no nuances, no self awareness. Yoneda might just have chosen the most common type of conflict she could think of without going through too much trouble. And the yakuza just provided the right aesthetic! Okay, I am purposely deeply generalizing here for the sake of the argument, but it happened enough times in other animanga communities that when readers arenât offered the simple or standard solutions they expected, they denounced âpoor writing choicesâ instead of reassessing their own expectations of what they were reading: endings being the greatest tool for recontestualizing and reassessing the story as a whole. When readers just refuse to engage with entire aspects or pages in a story because they donât serve their imagination, then they must know that they might be missing something and should refrain from making loud self-centered complaints. As for Saezuru, itâs not that I donât expect a satisfactory and âhappyâ ending to the story or I am worried that readers will be disappointed. The ending in tragedy Romeo-and-Juliet style was teased already at the end of chapter 34 almost to get it out of the way and offer a continuation towards something else. So I genuinely donât expect a repetition of that. But the ending might not be this conventional âissues resolutionâ or whatever people think that âhealingâ means. But I do expect that the various plot points and thematic elements will be tied together in the end, because Yoneda has been showing us consistently good writing.
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I had a big part of this post in my drafts before recent conversations, so this was genuinely a generic comment on the growing differences within the fandom. I also hope it didnât come across as harsh or anything more than a personal preoccupation of mine with how we collectively read stories and how we want to maintain the control over potential subversions of the ârulesâ when maybe not everyone had agreed to those rules and standards.
#saezuru tori wa habatakanai#saezuru analysis#eri reads saezuru#yoneda kou#i have drafts collecting dust#somewhere in there i could have used the word headcanon
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Notes, to remember
- I need to flesh out the environment from Nightfall AU that the crewmembers walk around in before establishing something in drawings. Might as well continue writing more until I can start drawing more.
- I have big urges (the urges are very big) to focus on the analysis vid, maybe I can insert fandom inside jokes. I need to wait for artbook thooo
- Make a video about External Resources Unused files and DLG Temp files
- Remember to make a timeline for the lore, by using the clocks ingame. And research when the sun goes down in this region irl
- Make fmodel tutorial thingy, or do I make a video so I can practice speaking more.
- Work on paintings, but go back to comfort zone if it's too scary for me. And then try again when I have energy
- Work on mod in January? Or will the Unused soundfiles use up my time. This ties together with figuring out UE5, I also need to give realistic Roper his ingame clothes. Once he is perfect I can try to recreate the other characters. Do I need to bake Roper's model? Or how do I get his EXACT ingame model? How do I recreate the steps.
Realistic Roper is too small when imported into Blender, multiple versions of his model appear and skeletal mesh is not where it is supposed to be. This is prolly because I am a newbie in this stuff
- The metahumans all lack 12 bones in their skeletal mesh in blender. I can't import their animations. Remember to ask friend who knows blender, otherwise find some way to fix
- Put umodel and that other program on my pc, I have both on laptop but then often forget about it. Other program helps me directly search for any file, is why I found out about CazYeet filename. I forgor name of program but I'll remember when I check again.
- People in the MW community are able to pose character inside the environments. Why is SWTD difficult to recreate this. Other UE games work better? Or maybe people just have more knowledge than me.
- How to I give Caz his head back
- Please remember to play game in all 3 versions because the toilet room you enter from crew lounge has a slight change in 1.4. One of the Toilet stall walls is GONE. It was there in 1.3, someone from the TCR team did this tiny change, what do I do with this information.
- Scooby noted the food (peas) textures in canteen changed, I need to check when I have the energy. Which means there must be a lot of tiny changes in ver 1.4
I usually can't sleep well when it's my birthday, takes a few hours to get tired, so I figured I'll write down some "To-Dos" It's quite overwhelming how much it is.. I have a full time job so it's always like, how much of my free time can I use before I usually end up too tired on one day. (My new job is also very fun so I am like, oooohh, so excited about job and hobby but I only have so much energy)
I think I'll go to the cinema today, hhmmm
Okay I am finally tired enough, I'm listening someone in a monotone voice talk about spongebob lore for 2h.
#hhmmmmmmmmm#âHey I wonder why I am so forgetfulâ#âOh rightâ#âI am thinking about a ton of things to do and rememberâ
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