#Exis Station

[alphamecha-mkii]

Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi - Redemption #1 by Chris Gossett

[dreamofbona]

a moment of appreciation for kim seola

[inafieldofstarflowers]

My ⋆｡*Jeremy Knox Evidence Board⋆｡°

aka: I scoured TSC for all the crumbs I could find about Jeremy Knox and the mystery of his tragic and/or questionable past and tried to sort the information into sections

1. Whatever happened has something to do with Exy

Jeremy mentions "the fall banquet that broke [the Knox] family in half" in his freshman year

Before this banquet, Jeremy's sister Annalise always went to his games, after it, she not only stopped attending but went "out of her way to forget everything she knew about Exy" and had "never forgiven [Jeremy] for sticking with it"

Annalise suggests that their step-grandpa will have an opinion on Jeremy recruiting Jean and states that this recruitment is "a new scandal" which will make Jeremy "End the way [he] started"

2. Jeremy Goes to Therapy

Cat says that this therapist was "legit life changing" for Jeremy

Jeremy's mom was the one to find him this therapist, and she's both very good & very expensive

The therapist has walked him through how to push back against his family (or, at least, Annalise's anger at him sticking with Exy), suggesting that she believes his decision to continue playing after whatever happened is legitimate

3. SOMETHING is up with the Knoxes

Jeremy acknowledges that his family has their issues, though he specifies that his mother never raised a hand to hurt them physically

Again, whatever happened at the banquet "destroyed the family"

There's specifically tension between Jeremy and his stepdad/step-grandpa

- Jeremy is "permanently on his stepfather's bad side"

- Their step-grandpa is a Congressman, and the Knoxes are a "picture perfect family" who are "duty bound to dress up and smile" to make him look good

- When Annalise brings up their step-grandpa it is apparently "obvious bait" which Jeremy rises to by saying that he "isn't their grandfather"

- Him saying this makes Annalise respond "don't destroy my future"

Jeremy's parents are presumably divorced rather than his dad being dead (Jeremy uses the present perfect tense when he tells Jean "Dad's been stationed [in Europe] a couple times"

There's weird energy between the Knox siblings

- Cat identifies three: two brothers and one sister. We know Annalise is the younger sister and Bryson is the older brother, but the third is an unknown. Also, Cat noticeably pauses before saying that Jeremy has three siblings, but Jean doesn't ask about it

- Annalise has a grudge against Jeremy, and he avoids Bryson, who is apparently a jerk

- Jeremy mentions that "most of his siblings" wanted to get out of LA when stating that he wanted to stay because of his love for USC

Jeremy's family is upset when he bleaches his hair (presumably because of how it affects the family's image)

- He's "uninvited from the family table for the state of his hair"

- When Laila asks what happened to frosted tips, Cat says it was "something about how going beachboy mode was more acceptable than looking like a one-hit wonder dropout" and Jeremy says he might do tips next year "after I've graduated and don't have to deal with the fallout"

Jeremy gets "tense and distant" when his mom texts him

- Also her text tone is an "awful noise" (which could mean nothing but also Jeremy has curated specific text tones for everyone so I do NOT believe this is a coincidence)

4. Jeremy's housing situation is weird

In his own words, Jeremy stays "[with Cat and Laila] from June until the start of the school year" and then once school begins, is "usually only over on the weekends" and lives at his house

- When Jeremy explains this, Jean notices "the way Jeremy's gaze slid past him to peer into the distance" and "the tight tug at the corner of Cat's mouth"

- As @drunkinourtears pointed out, “apparently only [Jeremy] (out of all his siblings) is required to live in their family house the whole year,” referencing the passage "Unlike Bryson, who always came home for the summer, [Annalise] insisted on keeping her own place on the other side of the city year-round." This emphasizes that “Jeremy is the only sibling to be put on a tight leash” regarding his living situation, as both his older brother and YOUNGER sister are allowed their own choices on where to live

Jeremy sneaks in and out of the house "to avoid conflict" and is aided and abetted in this venture by the family's butler

- He says that "the trick to starting Saturdays off on the right foot was to get out of the house as early as possible"

5. A deeply weird financial situation

The Knoxes have money (as evidenced by the butler & mentioned private chef), and Jeremy has access to it to some extent

Jeremy has to deal with his mother's bookkeeper regularly enough that he has the practiced thought that he gets a receipt "so he could file it later" with the thought that it is "always best to have a paper trail"

- He gets receipts three times: when he buys coffee & the gift card for the man in line behind him, when he keeps the receipt from Jean's shirt, and when he gets the receipt for his hair dye job (adding a note with the amount for the cash tip on the top of this one)

Jeremy gives Cat and Laila cash to help with groceries and rent, and Cat "knows how many hoops" he has to jump through to get the money as a result of being on his stepfather's bad side

- As a side note, it's interesting that Jeremy's finances seem to both require his stepfather's approval and are then confirmed by his mother's bookkeeper

- This also ties back into the weird living situation: Jeremy seems to have some financial freedom (he can get his hair done on the book, even though his family does not want him to), but he has to scramble to be able to give Cat and Laila money for the time he lives with them (possibly to disincentivize him from staying there?)

- Annalise, by contrast, has her own place in the city she can stay in year-round, which suggests that she has easier access to the family’s money, or at least more freedom to work with it in regards to her housing situation (shoutout @drunkinourtears for pointing this out!)

6. Jeremy's weird comment about cops

I will just quote this in full because: “There was little to no chance he’d know them, and no reason they’d recognize him, but Jeremy kept his gaze forward and his mouth shut until they were past.”

- This is never expanded on, and it's such an ambiguous passage in terms of what Jeremy means. First, why say there's "little to no chance" he'd know them and not just "no chance"–why would they know him? His politician step-grandpa? Something he did? It just reads less as a general discomfort with cops and more as an avoidance with a specific reason

- Second, "and no reason they'd recognize him" could just mean that they wouldn't know Jeremy Knox, but again, that would be such a weird thing to say. Would they know his name/know about something he did in the past, but just not know his face?

- All in all, this passage reads to me like there's something in Jeremy's past that has made him uncomfortable around cops, and while there's no reason these particular ones would recognize him from that or know about it, the very idea that they might puts him on edge (is there a potential tie between this discomfort and whatever happened in Jeremy's freshman year?)

There’s also Rhemann’s comment after Grayson’s attack: when he wants to bring the police in, he tries to reassure Jean by saying “I’ll send Jeremy away first,” Rhemann said, like that somehow would win Jean over.” It’s easy to read this as Rhemann thinking Jean wants privacy in this moment, but that doesn’t hold up as much considering the specificity of sending JEREMY away, suggesting he assumes Jean is concerned about Jeremy having to be around the cops

- As @drunkinourtears pointed out, his comment suggests that Rhemann knows about whatever Jeremy’s issues with the cops are, and him saying this in front of Lucas and to Jean “implies that Jeremy's situation with cops is common knowledge for the team and [Rhemann] assumes Jean also knows about it” (I 100% didn’t pick up on this until reading the comment about it and it is FASCINATING)

7. Cat and Laila know about whatever happened

Throughout the book, Cat and Laila either trade looks or make faces or almost slip out information about what happened when things come up about Jeremy's past

- They're solidly on his side about it whatever's up with his family, seeming to dislike them quite a bit

- Cat mentioning that therapy helped him out a lot does suggest that they didn't think he was in a good place before

- Cat knows even though she wouldn't have been at the freshman year banquet, only the fifth year seniors would have been (that suggests that the only people who DEFINITELY know would be Laila, Cody, Pat, Derek Thompson, and Shawn Anderson)

Addendum 1: Jeremy is particularly uncomfortable around discussion of suicide

Obviously, this is a very sensitive topic, and there’s every possibility that Jeremy is just uncomfortable because any conversation about suicide is going to be hard. However, as @welcome-to-the-end-of-eras and @catalailas pointed out in the notes, Jeremy’s reactions are generally heightened compared to those around him when suicide comes up

When Jeremy finds out about Wayne, Jean notes that: “In one heartbeat, Jeremy’s entire demeanor changed. Jean watched the blood drain from his face even as Jeremy hopped off his stool and turned away from them. The line of his shoulders was rigid as he listened to whatever Cody had to say.”

Additionally, when Jean suggests Grayson might kill himself like Wayne if he goes to therapy, it’s followed by “That isn’t a joke,” Jeremy said, with unexpected ferocity.”

- Again, these could just be a natural reaction from someone who’s removed from the mafia stuff in a way the other main characters aren’t, but the section about Grayson is also followed by the statement that “Cat winced, but kept her eyes on Jean,” which suggests it might be something more personal to Jeremy, & Cat knows what/why

If there are any other notes you have to add to the evidence board, let me know! Also, if you have any theories about how these things connect and what exactly is going on with our boy Jeremy, I would LOVE to hear them and I WILL add any substantial evidence I missed

[deeppenguinstudent]

The car ride back from West Virginia was eerily quiet. Kevin saw Wymack switch the radio to a station playing an upbeat 90s pop, but all he could hear was the deafening drumming of his own heartbeat in his eardrums. He unlocked his phone and refreshed his text messages with Neil; his hands felt clammy and head was pounding with a nauseating migraine.

Yet all he could see was the single text message from Neil, and his breath visibly stuttered as he reread the message for the nth time:

Jean tried to kill himself.

Take it from Neil to be so direct about this situation and leave the sugarcoating to one's own imagination. He clutched his head, and his breath heaved as Wymack looked at him in concern, eyes off the road.

"What do you need, kid?" Wymack had asked, his voice was hoarse and weary.

"Alcohol," Kevin choked out, "Vodka, Tequila, Whisky fuck, anything."

His eyes were bleary with tears as Wymack gazed on the road ahead. Kevin held his head down and didn't even realise when the tires screeched to a halt. He heard shuffling and the open and close of the car door before a brown paper bag heavy with glass bottles was tucked beneath his legs.

Kevin haphazardly reached inside and took out the first bottle he could grasp; it didn't matter which order he opened the bottles in because he was sure by the end of the night, all of them would be depressingly empty. He chugged the first bottle, not slowing down until his tongue tasted of acrid acid and his throat burned.

"Don't tell Abby," Kevin turned to Wymack, his head already lost in the clouds. He let out a disgruntled agreement before hobbling away from Wymack's car, up to the shared dorms of the Foxes. The brown bag was tight with a death grip around his chest.

-☆-

Kevin couldn't sleep.

His stomach gurgled, and his thoughts roamed torturously to Jean. When Kevin was drunk, it was like his mind was against him. People drink to stow the pain away, yet Kevin drinks to remind himself of all the horrors he has seen. He drinks to remember the sickening crunch of his bone shattering to punish himself for leaving Jean back at the Nest. He drinks to invite the pain and erode his mind away until all he can even fathom to think about is Jean.

Jean, who sobbed as Kevin stitched him from battered bruises and stinging cuts. Jean, who had taught Kevin French in hushed whispers and playful nudges on the staircase. Jean, who was the only one in that god forsaken place that saw Kevin as anything but number 2. Jean, who had agreed to distract Riko after that catastrophe. Jean, who had suffered greatly for Kevin's selfishness yet still allowed Kevin to stay beside him despite the scornful scowls. Jean, who broke their promise after the Foxes beat the Ravens.

Kevin had to see Jean. He couldn't wait until the next morning when his head was clear; Kevin needed to see Jean breathing. He needed to feel his heartbeat to know that he was still alive. He quietly toed on shoes and slipped past his snoring roommates.

"Where do you think you're going?" A piercing voice cut through the air, and Kevin cringed as he turned behind - Andrew's keys jingling within his palm.

Kevin coughed out, "The pub?"

Andrew, the preparator of the firm voice narrowed his eyes on his car keys in Kevin's hands before speaking, "Alone? At this hour? It's past 3 in the morning; you and I know damn well that going to a pub at this hour is beyond your foolishness. Try again."

"Exy practice."

"Then I'll wake up Neil."

When Kevin remained silent, Andrew puffed a fatigued sigh before snatching his keys from Kevin, "I'm not an idiot, Kevin, I know you want to see him, but now is not the time. You're clearly intoxicated. Do you think he'll appreciate seeing you in such a state?"

Kevin lowered his head down, Andrew did have a point, but his burning desire paired with his obstinate attitude trampled all sense of logic within him.

"I'll still go, even if you try to stop me," Kevin mumbled before lifting his head up in defiance. He relished in Andrew's expression, morphing into mystification as Kevin folded his arms across his chest.

"Your sophomoric behaviour is truly unbecoming. You're spending too much time with Neil," Andrew bypassed him before pulling open the door and stepping out, "Hurry up, if you don't want anyone to see us leave."

-☆-

"I'm giving you 20 minutes before I come and break down the door," Andrew held Kevin's forearm in a vice grip as they stood outside Jean's room.

"You don't have to stay here."

"I do, and I will. I don't trust him with you."

Kevin swallowed before reluctantly agreeing to Andrew's terms. It was a miracle he even allowed Kevin to leave the house, let alone drive him to Abby's house with no complaints. He didn't want to take any chances, so Kevin gave a curt nod as he entered Jean's room.

[allforthe-gays]

Jeremy Knox Predictions 🦅🦅🦅

one thing about me is that i LOVE to speculate and spread rumors

so here are my jeremy knox lore predictions (i will probs add onto this and fact check myself at a later date)

things we know

jeremy has beef with cops

jeremy has 3 siblings. an older brother, a younger sister, and a younger brother

we meet his sister, and there is obviously some bad blood between them. he is getting blamed for something and she thinks him playing exy is dumb.

there is very bad blood between him and his older brother. there isn’t an explanation but they clearly have a very volatile relationship even if we never see them interact.

jeremy has beef with his stepfather, and by extension his step-grandfather. his sister seems to be ‘playing nice’ because of the money he has

they have a butler

jeremy says something about his dad being stationed overseas. was he in the military? does he work for the government? is he alive?

he uses his mom’s credit card, but is intentional about keeping receipts to give to her finance person. was there a money fraud thing in the past?

i think his stepdad/stepgrandfather is in a political office?? idr and i dont want to check rn

my predictions

exy killed my grandma his younger brother

somehow said exy accident is jeremy’s fault??

except i have no idea how exy kills someone (we are ignoring the entire mafia thing going on in exy, we are pretending that isn’t a thing bc why tf would jeremy be involved in it)

his dad is either dead or VERY estranged

his mom moved on too quickly after his dad died/left

his dad left because of the younger brother’s dead or died at the same time

mom was involved in money scandal at some point

she married rich husband to get money/her status back

rich husband is dick

his older brother is probably homophobic

[lucky-slice]

Can you imagine being Jean-Yves Moreau, 15, already a little angry at the world, abandoned by a family that never cared for you anyways, and sent half-way across the world surrounded by a language you don't know. You're bright-eyed (because even if the world is cruel, you're still 15) and there is Kevin Day, the prodigal son of exy. He's older than you (barely a hair shy away from being an adult) and probably taller than you because you still haven't hit your growth spurt yet. And he's so good at exy, the best you've ever seen. He has no reason to be talking to you, no reason to even look at you, but he's asking for you in whispered tones to teach him your mother tongue and he's buying you stupid roadside gas station magnets and he's got green eyes and strong hands and it's hard to believe he's even real. But he is and he's staring at you like he actually cares - because when does Kevin Day ever do anything by halves? And so of course, of course, you promise him you'll stick around even if he never promises you the same.

[ohfallingdisco]

The Exy world absolutely sells these at every gas station and it does drive Kevin nuts:

[ninyard]

fun question to ask the masses: who is gas station girl’s fav exy team?

Bc she’s from West Virginia I wanna say it’s the Ravens but my heart says Penn State

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Hellooo

As per usual, I'd like to ask for some arsonist Neil/firefighter Andrew, I'm still stuck on Neil's whole ass gay panic to Andrew calling him cute. Also, the firemen light structure thingy was very funny because the pic totally looks like it could be Neil's

Anyways, thank you and have a good week : )

WIP Wednesday (9/25) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 238)

The call ends and Andrew rolls onto his side to get snuggly-warm in his nest of blankets and pillows. His best adult purchase, he thinks, is this bedding. He smushes his face into one of his pillows and lies there in the dark on the verge of slumber. But, just as he's about to fall asleep, his brain suddenly comes to life and he replays the call in his mind. Did he call 10 cute? Andrew thinks for a moment. Yes. He fucking did. What the hell's the matter with him? Andrew isn't the type to call anyone cute.

He lets out a sigh. Evidently, half-asleep Andrew is the type.

10 didn't call him on it. He must not have noticed. Good, good. Andrew wriggles a bit deeper into his cocoon and goes to sleep.

-

Andrew spends much of the next afternoon pondering a possible gift he could get for 10. He knows it's not needed, but he'll be damned if 10 gives him two presents before Andrew's gotten him one. (The gift basket full of chocolate was the first, of course. Andrew misses those stupid little cookies.)

But it's hard to pick out a present for someone he barely knows. Actually, he knows 10 quite well. He knows about his terrible past and his night terrors and love of fire. He'd guess he knows 10 better than anyone. However, the arsonist hasn't got any (non-arson) hobbies or interests.

Andrew likes to think himself a good gift-giver. Sure, they're usually practical ones. But they're good. The problem is, as far as he knows, 10 doesn't need anything.

See, last year Andrew bought Renee a new backpack. Hers was falling apart, so Andrew scoured the internet and found a duplicate. She loved it.

And for the station's Secret Santa, he drew Wymack's name. So he bought him a nice cushion for his chair. (The old man was constantly complaining of back and hip pain. Andrew fixed it.)

Last Christmas, he and Aaron hadn't exactly been close enough for gifts. Andrew had considered buying him a new remote for his Xbox, because he'd been complaining about it during their calls with Nicky. But he didn't want to shell out that much for a man who hated his guts. So he didn't.

The only other gift he bought last year was a pair of noise-canceling headphones for Kevin, who'd been struggling with the nosiness of planes and team buses. Until Andrew fixed it. (He likes fixing things.) Oh. Speaking of Kevin, Andrew really should thank him for the sweater. He won't. But he should. The asshole. How dare he know Andrew looks good in green before Andrew did. Bastard.

In lieu of a thank you, Andrew sends Kevin the photo he took of last night's outfit. Less than a minute later, his phone nearly vibrates off the table. Renee looks up at him, concerned.

"Everything okay?"

"It's just Kevin."

"Ah." Renee nods and looks back down at her crossword book. From the look of it, she's only got a few left. Maybe he should get a new one and leave it laying around the station. Andrew makes a mental note to do just that and picks up his phone.

Kevin Damn. See, I told you. I fucking told you that would look good on you. Is this the first time you've worn it? I think you could try it with jeans too. And a smile. For fuck's sake, Andrew. You look like the most bored person alive. But good. Really good. I love being right. It's a hobby of mine. Are you not going to answer? Asshole. Andrew Excuse me for taking thirty seconds to reply. Some of us have actual jobs, Day. Kevin Exy is my job. Andrew Exy is your disease. Kevin Which I get paid for. Do you like the sweater? Does this mean I get to buy you clothes now? Andrew Do whatever you want. If you buy me something, I might wear it in three years. Kevin You suck. But you really do look good in that, Andrew. It suits you well. Andrew Stop flirting with me. Kevin I'm not flirting with you, idiot. By the way, Jeremy also says you look nice. Jean thinks you should get those pants hemmed. Andrew Are you going to get opinions from all your teammates? Kevin No, just the ones I live with. Where are you going? Have a date? Andrew It was last night. Went over to Aaron's to 'meet' his girlfriend. Kevin Oh. Do I need to post bail or...?

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

au in which nathaniel is married to riko part 2 (part 1)

(like 2 people asked for this but lmao thats good enough for me)

i had to think hard about this ngl, i kinda just like leaving my thoughts open ended like that, and i had a choice, to like, be nice to neil

here is the opposite of that <3

tw for domestic abuse, manipulation, suicide attempt

neil doesn't truly remember what happens next, he just knows he's in a hotel room and he's in pain and he can barely open his eyes and he can see riko is right there in the room and neil just wants to cry and scream and go back and he doesn't want to be here

and riko is right fucking there and he's threatening neil and he's just going on and on about how much trouble he's been, and how much trouble he's going to be when they get back to new york and how riko wont ever let him slip away like that again

and then riko just fucking... stops, stops shouting, stops pacing, stops spitting things at neil, and he just cries and tells neil how much he has missed him all these years and he apologizes and he holds neil close despite the pain, despite the wounds, and he promises to be better, he promises he will take care of neil

no, not of neil

of nathaniel

and nathaniel, exhausted and terrified and hopeless and in agony, can do nothing but whisper to riko to take him home, even if the words taste like venom, even if there's nothing he wants to do more than throw up, even if there are tears rolling down his cheeks and blood covering his skin

because this is all there is for him right? neil josten wasn't real, his hopes and his friends and his family and his- no, andrew is not his anymore, none of the foxes are

neil josten's life isn't nathaniels

it never was

bc neil josten didn't exist in the first place and he never should have existed

meanwhile back in seattle (and what neil doesn't know), andrew felt guilt of all things, at seeing the look of heartbreak in neils face, of hope and despair and loss, so he forces himself to stop off the road not even a kilometer later (don't ask me about miles i have no idea how those work) and he kinda just hits his steering wheel in a sprout of anger but he cant make himself to go back just yet, so he calls aaron

aaron kinda just yells at him lol, bc he's been worried about neil himself all morning and him and kate are dying bc they are scared and they just want to know how neil is doing, and like aaron just makes andrew go back for neil while aaron gets there

except neil is gone

obviously, bc wtf andrew its been like half an hour where you expecting him to be waiting for you?

and when he asks around well, the cashier just knows, ah yes the fidgety redhead kid? oh yeah some rich asian guy in a mercedes picked him up, yeah they looked close, the asian guy even hugged him and basically left clinging off the readhead, yeah sorry buddy, they left like half an hour ago, why tho? is he in some kind of trouble?

and andrew just, loses it

the next few days are a blur for andrew, he knows wymack pulls some strings and with the help of the foxes and his own money they manage to get the recorded tapes from the security camera at the gas station and its grainy as shit and

and why the fuck is riko moriyama hugging neil?

how does riko even know him?

it doesn't make any sense, why is riko kissing neil, andrew’s neil, like there's no tomorrow??

why is neil leaving with him??

and why the fuck is riko posting a picture on instagram, ready to fucking come out and announce that he has a husband??

and why is that husband neil??

except its not neil, except riko says his husband is nathaniel, and well would you look at that?? nathaniel is nothing but a fucking liar, who didnt tell him that he's with someone else, who didn't even tell him his fucking name

andrew loses himself a little after that, even if he convinces himself that he's fine, that he even ended things with him, that neil is living the happy rich life with the richest and most popular man in exy, good riddance

(but andrew can never forget, not only the good things about the relationship, no, what he can never forget is neil- nathaniel's flinches, the way he would curl up into himself when someone spoke too loud, the fear in his eyes whenever he messed up at something, the quiet sadness when they- when they started being something, andrew and neil, and he confessed that he was scared of things changing, and he confessed that it was scary to open up to someone, the again implicit in his shaky voice)

(andrew can never forget the rage when neil confessed he wasn't in the mood for sex most times, and the confusion when andrew said they didn't have to have sex when it was a no, the rage at neil's soft whispered "i can say no?")

andrew can never shake off the feeling that something is so fucking wrong, but he convinces himself to stay the fuck out of it, that its none of his fucking business, that nathaniel can live his life however he fucking wants to, andrew doesn't need him, he never has (he's always been a good liar)

months go by, in which riko posts pictures of his perfect life with his perfect husband, who doesn't have social media accounts of his own bc he likes his privacy (then why is riko sharing his pictures-)

months go by where andrew gets drunk beyond relief, but he needs to keep his pro career to pay aarons tuition so he sucks it up and does the bare fucking minimum while making sure he doesn't get fired

aaron can never truly shake off the worry, he and katelyn were the ones who saw him when he arrived, beat up and terrified and so dangerously hurt, and how hard it was for him to open up and start to accept good things, kind things

so he keeps up with them, with rikos pictures and videos and stories, trying to find proof that there's nothing wrong there, trying to find a way to convince himself that no, he's making it all up bc he himself was abused by somone he loved and trusted, and he's just proyecting

but neil is too quiet, all respectful smiles and wrapping arms around himself, always wearing baggy clothing and turtleneck shirts

the smile never reaches his eye

aaron just cant help but worry for him, bc he cant worry for andrew anymore, not he doesn't want to worry about himself, not when he's ready to pretend nothing happened and wants to keep going like neil didn't even exist

its aarons day off, and it's been 8 months since he's seen neil when he gets a call from an unknown number and he answers expecting to hear from a colleague or a resident or a med student on shift at the hospital

what he doesn't expect is ragged breathing from the other line

"hello? who is this?" he almost hangs up when all he gets is silence and that faint sound of breathing for a full minute, but before he can he hears a sob

"im so sorry, i didn't- i didn't know who to call"

aarons heart stops, bc its neil, holy shit its neil and he asks if neil is okay, he asks if neil is safe, he asks what's going on

neil remains silent again for too long, and his voice is barely a whisper "i will be soon"

his heart drops to his stomach, fear, no, absolute terror, engulfing him, "neil what did you do"

silence and then "he got me prescribed valium"

his heart is beating too fast too fast he's going to have a heart attack, "neil, neil i need you to tell me how many pills you took"

that for some reason brings out a small giggle, "i dont, i didn't count, i just, I just swallowed them all"

"neil i need you to call 911"

"i dont want to do that"

"neil, please please call 911"

"i just, im sorry i called you, i just didn't want to be alone, i- andrew didn't pick up the phone"

aaron can feel the tears on his face, "neil please, just call 911, I'll, tell me where you are and i can come get you okay? you dont, you dont have to do this"

he takes a beat too long to answer, and he does with a sob "i cant take this anymore aaron, i can't- i can't stand living with him anymore, he won't let me go any other way"

"neil i promise I can get you help, legal help, we can get you away from him, you would never have to see him again, you would be safe"

neil is still crying, "it didn't work before, it, nothing works, nothing- this will make it better"

aaron is starting to hyperventilate, "neil, please just..."

"can you, can you tell andrew i didn't mean to fuck it up? i couldn't- i couldn't marry him without getting a divorce and I couldn't- i didn't want himto find me"

"neil you can tell him yourself, lets just call 911"

his words are slurring, he sounds so tired, "thank you for being such a, such a good friend aaron"

he's too quiet on the other line, aaron is fucking terrified, god he's crying and panicking, god what does he do what does he do

he puts the phone on speaker and texts kate who's just out getting takeout and god he really needs her right fucking now

thankfully, he hears the car come in the driveway and he runs down the stairs to meet her

the call is still going, but neil hasn't said anything

"neil?? are you still there?? NEIL??"

by the time kate opens the door, he's telling her to call 911, they're able to locate calls right?? even if neil hasn't answered, the call is active, thats enough right??

"i have someone on the line who i think is attempting suicide, i- i dont know where he is, and he isn't answering, but the call is still going"

its enough

"an ambulance is on its way, do you have any idea of what happened?"

"i think he overdosed on diazepam"

"you did great by calling us"

they can do nothing but sit in silence, call ongoing in aaron's phone, holding each other as they both cry and pray to a god aaron barely believes in that the ambulance gets there in time

he can't even read how much time has passed on the phone, when he's suddenly aware of noise on the other end of the line, what sounds like a door breaking, and then chaos

he can't distinguish what's happening, he doesn't know if they got there in time or not

"hello?? is someone there??"

"YES, yes is he alive? is he...?"

"he's alive, just barely, we gave him an antidote to reverse the effects and he's breathing, you did a great job sir"

"can you tell me where you're taking him? im in seattle but i will book a flight as soon as i can"

they tell him the name of the hospital, they tell him he will probably be there for a few days under suicide watch

before the paramedic ends the call he makes himself say, "can you make sure his husband doesn't see him? he's, he abuses my friend, he's the reason he took those pills"

the paramedic takes a deep breath, "can you tell me his name? the husband's?"

his voice trembles, "riko moriyama"

"i will personally make sure he doesn't have access to him"

"thank you"

the phone disconnects at last and through the tears, the first thing aaron does is book two flights for new york

one for him and one for katelyn

he hesitates, before rubbing his eyes free of tears and realizing andrew is in a game

he books a third ticket leaving a few hours later than his and kate's, grabs a bag and they're out the door in less than 5 minutes

he can do nothing to leave a voicemail for Andrew's phone, that he knows will destroy him and give kevin a headsup too, bc he might not be much, but he's all the support andrew is gonna have at the time

he prays to the god he's believing in a little bit more than he did an hour ago, and asks nothing more than for neil to be okay when they get to new york

did not mean for this to become longer than 2 parts oop

[bisexualchaosdemon]

What if Neil was trans and had a baby after Mary died?

I've seen a few atfg fics where Neil has a sibling or kid but all the ones I've read were heavily influenced by Mary's presence. It got me thinking about what it would be like if she wasn't around when the kid came into the picture. I wrote a little prologue, lemme know if it's something you guys might wanna read.

**trigger warning: mentions of SA, forced pregnancy, and traumatic childbirth**

Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵Prologue🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

When Neil was fourteen, his father caught up to them in Seattle and he got separated from Mary. Nathan went after Mary and a couple of his men went after Neil. While they were apart, Neil was raped for the first time and Mary was beaten for the last time. Somehow, they both escaped, managing to reunite at one of their emergency rendezvous and take off running.

That's where their luck ran out though because they only made it to California before Mary's injuries finally bested her. In the end, his mother couldn't go on but she made Neil promise to keep running because one of them had to make it. With no other choice, Neil burned her body, buried her ashes on the beach, and did what he had promised.

Then, impossibly, things went from bad to worse — After a month of just sort of drifting in his grief, Neil found out he was pregnant.

He had no way out this one, there was no backdoor to slip through or bus to catch. He couldn't risk someone contacting the police or social services when a fourteen-year-old turned up at a clinic to request an abortion without parental consent. And, even if they weren't incredibly dangerous, any illegal methods for a termination risked Nathan tracking him down. So, with no choice but to keep the pregnancy, he spent the next eight months jumping from place to place, trying to remain out of sight whenever possible. And he hated every minute of it.

He spent the entirety of his pregnancy terrified and alone, and he gave birth alone too. He hadn't been able to see any doctors or go to a hospital for obvious reasons. He tried his best to have a healthy pregnancy but the research he had managed to do on childbirth was extremely limited. He didn't even know what was happening really before he ended up giving birth in a back ally somewhere — fourteen years old and completely alone.

The baby hadn't cried at first and Neil had never been more terrified than he had been in those few seconds. That first cry brought a relief heavy enough to break him completely. His plan the whole time had been to give the baby up, just leave them at a fire station somewhere and pray they'd have a better life than he did. He thought about it a thousand times but every time he looked at his daughter's face, and he just couldn't do it. He couldn't give her up. He didn't want to be alone again.

So he picked himself up, skipped town with his daughter craddled close, and decided to do the one thing he had always wanted; He cut off all of his hair, taped down his chest and started telling people he was a boy. He had always felt like being a girl wasn't right for him but he never dared voice this while on the run with his mother. Without her controling everything though, he was free to do this one thing for himself, and he hoped it might even help him stay hidden. More importantly, it helped him reclaim part of himself he thought he lost after the rape and pregnancy.

The first few years, they moved around a lot because Neil was always worried someone would start to notice the teenager and baby without parents anywhere in sight. However, when his daughter was almost three, they ran a ground in Millport, a dying town where they could squat in an empty house unnoticed. Neil just needed a moment to breathe. So, he got an ID that said he was eighteen which let him go to high school and play Exy without anyone needing to speak to his parents. Then he forged the signatures of their fictional parents to get his daughter enrolled in preschool and after school childcare for the days he had practice. Finally, he got them phones for emergencies and pretended to be his mother any time someone called.

He became Neil and he gifted his daughter his middle name, Anastasia, and on paper they became the Josten siblings.

He knew they would need to pack up and leave soon enough, but he was exhausted and he just wanted Ana to have a semi-normal life for a year. He'd clear out after graduation and figure out where to go from there. But just as their time in Millport is running out, in walks David Wymack with an offer that's too dangerous to trust but too impossible to leave behind...

[popcorn-ceiling-chickemn]

Ok we know that Neil dressed as bland and invisible as possible but imagine after his mom died and he's going through a wardrobe dump and rehash at a thrift store he just gravitates to the old faded exy sports t shirts like maybe he decided to try out for the exy team because a kid asked if he was a fan of the exy team that was on his shirt and the kid told him he should try out for the team since he always seems to have an exy shirt on so he just goes with it, the rest of his life is already on a downward spiral he might as well get to hit ball go fast a few more times before his dad finds him. And of course when the news finally breaks that he's actually the son of a serial killer and he apparently plays exy wicked good the kid that complimented his shirt is just shitting literal bricks at their minimum wage gas station job they got to save up for college since millport is too small for a community college and cannot comprehend how the quiet kid who he randomly invited to join the team could have (potentially) murdered them and actually should have been kicking their ass during practice.

[film-in-my-soul]

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fear in a handful of dust | 104,521 | flybbfly / @wilsherejack

Summary: “I need to talk to Minyard,” Neil says, sipping at a soda. “How do I make that happen?” Kevin chokes on his whiskey. “You don't.” In which Neil doesn't have Kevin Day to convince him to play, so he becomes a sports journalist; Andrew is a keeper in more ways than one; and Quidditch is the sport du jour. Featuring a frankensteined team, eternal roommate Matt, and hawkish sports section editor Dan. Oh, and Andrew has a shady past (present? future?) that Neil can't quite figure out. But that's nothing new for Neil, who is constantly hiding everything about himself anyway—this time with magical abilities greasing the way.

2024 Reclists · INBOX · Blog Updates

[deeppenguinstudent]

Kayleigh Day walked through the dingy alleys of Detroit; her purse clutched tightly against her chest. It had been aeons since she's roamed these streets with Wymack - laughing, crying, drinking - they'd done it all. A smile graced her face, but it quickly morphed into a scowl as a random passerby whistled at Kayleigh's skimpy dress, to which she flipped them off with an annoyed expression.

She had half a mind to punch the simpering look men gave her as she walked past. However, a toothy grin with chubby cheeks simmered her anger slightly.

Kayleigh had been travelling to and fro Michigan for a couple of years since the state president was a zealot enthusiast of Exy and yearned to build an enormous stadium designed specifically for professional games. Naturally, he invited Kayleigh and Tetsuji to discuss the logistics of the plan, but Tetsuji had turned him down with a simple sneer. This left Kayleigh to pull up her socks and grit her teeth to begrudgingly accept the offer. Exy was a new sport after all, it needed all the funding it could get.

This time, Kayleigh had to stay in Detroit for 2 whole months. Usually, she'd ask Wymack and Kevin to accompany her, but she didn't want to burden them with the unnecessarily long time frame. The farewell shed a few tears from Kayleigh, and her two boys groaned as she mushed them into tight hugs before she left for her boarding gate. Although, they will never admit to her that they started tearing up the moment she walked towards the gate.

Kayleigh's thoughts began to wander to the exultant girl she had met about a week prior.

It was nearly 6 in the morning, and Kayleigh had run down to a gas station for her morning exercise. She pulled out an energy drink along with a protein bar and made her way to the cashier where a little girl was unloading an ungodly amount of cents.

She had curly hair and an adorable button nose that scrunched up in sadness when she recounted her money.

"It's... okay," she sighed heartedly, "Take out the pastry, I'll just get the bandages."

Kayleigh saw the little girl pout and bite her lip in an attempt to not break out into a sob. Pity wallowed in Kayleigh's heart, and she pulled out a bundle of cash before handing it to the little girl and smiling gently.

"Buy whatever you want," Kayleigh patted her head, "It's on me."

When the girl's eyes gleamed in happiness and she nodded fervently, Kayleigh couldn't shake the feeling of unbridled joy. Especially after seeing her bring a stack of snacks along with medicinal supplies to the cashier.

"My name's Elodie-Yves." The girl turned to look at Kayleigh, "What's yours?"

"Kayleigh Day."

Elodie had abashedly tugged on her sleeve after she purchased her items; when she didn't let go, Kayleigh gazed at her questioningly, to which Elodie responded that her brother had told her food was best shared with company. Thereafter, Kayleigh and the girl met up every morning to eat breakfast and watch the Sun rise on a park bench together.

Kayleigh had told Elodie about her experience as an athlete - the good and the bad. She had also told her about Kevin and Wymack and chuckled as Elodie's twinkled at the recollection of her marriage day.

In turn, Elodie had told Kayleigh about her mysterious brother. She had told her the perils of the abuse they'd undergone by their birth parents; the sacrifices her brother had made in order to run away from France to Detroit, bringing his little sister alongside him.

"Can I ask you a question, Miss Kayleigh?"

"Of course, Elodie," Kayleigh took a bite out of the sandwich she was eating. It had been a week since she started associating herself with Elodie - she could feel herself starting to get dangerously attached.

"Does your work usually make you come back home with bruises and cuts?"

"Is this about your brother?" Kayleigh's stomach bottomed out, her appetite now gone. Elodie had expressed her concerns about Jean's work prior, but she had dismissed it with a wave before prattling on about other mindless topics.

"Yeah, we got into a fight last night," Elodie's voice cracked, "Yesterday he came back with more bruises than ever. His voice was hoarse, and he couldn't even sit properly. I don't understand why he can't just quit and find another job. He won't even let me visit and help him, just how stubborn can he get?"

Elodie was sobbing silently as she bit her lip before turning away.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop crying. Just give me a minute." Elodie choked out. Kayleigh heard Elodie squeak when she pulled her into a fierce hug.

"I don't care if you cry around me, Elodie."

Kayleigh had heard of Elodie's parents striking her with horrifying punishments the moment a tear cascaded from her eyes. They would tape her mouth shut and leave her to starve for days just because she weeped over a miniscule thing. One time, her father had almost suffocated her with a pillow because she wailed after injuring her knee. Truly, they were monsters.

Elodie held onto Kayleigh's arms tightly as she rocked back into her chest.

"Do you... do you think you could talk to him?" Elodie quipped up, her voice shaky. "You're a good adult. He'd like you. He'd listen to you."

Kayleigh hummed, "I can try."

A cackling chortle tore Kayleigh away from her memories as she stumbled into a pile of spilt alcohol. She cringed as she lifted up her heels before trudging along the streets to the location Elodie had given her. Jean was a skeptical person, according to Elodie, so Kayleigh had to blend in to garner his trust and prevent him from putting up even more walls around him.

She felt even more at unease as she saw people making out sloppily against the walls. Kayleigh didn't want to dignify the idea of Jean selling himself out, but the more she thought about it, the more it sadly made sense. How else was a freshly new adult supposed to make enough cash for himself and his younger sister? Kevin was still living with his parents, and he was 20 - he could barely afford a house of his own because of the unfairly rising prices.

Her heels clacked into place when she saw a boy starkingly similar to Elodie. Curly hair, but his cheeks were angular, and eyes as grey as the skies during a thunderstorm.

Nevertheless, Kayleigh saw him being shoved rather aggressively to the wall by a burly man. His tongue latched onto Jean's neck as Jean tried to push him away, but his arms were slammed on top of his head as he cried out in pain.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Kayleigh had a bad habit, one that was extremely prominent in high adrenaline situations. Do first, Regret later. It was something that Wymack had chided her about, causing her to try to amend her ways. She pushed the man's head, rendering him to topple sideways. Jean stared at her with wide eyes as she clasped his hand tightly.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" the man spat out angrily as he edged closer to them.

Kayleigh stared at Jean and then to the man before clearing her throat, "Why are you taking advantage of the workers? Shouldn't you be paying to seek an audience with them?"

"I'm the damn owner of this brothel. I can do whatever the fuck I want," his eyes slid as he leered at Jean's form, "Or whoever I want."

Kayleigh felt Jean shiver under his gaze.

She turned to him and levelled him with a cold stare, "Give him to me. I'll pay double - no, triple his price for the rest of the night."

The man let out a disgustingly huge grin as Kayleigh threw the purse filled with cash towards him, "You've got yourself a deal, ma'am."

Old habits die hard she supposed.

[jtl-fics]

I will throw out a foxhole bake au, things are getting juicy and I am but an eager spectator

WIP Wednesday 12/13/23 (Closed) | A Foxhole Bake

"No not particularly." Neil agrees to that at least as he adds some sugar and starts to furiously whisk the egg whites.

"You know we have a stand mixer for that right?" Noel points to the prominent piece of kitchen gadgetry that was on Neil's station.

Neil doesn't look up from where he continued to whisk his mixture together furiously, "I had to take off time from Exy. I need to work out my arms." he says.

[stardust-medium5]

【Stardust Original】 《回声空间站/Echoic Space Station No. 13》

────────────── ⋆⋅ ⋅⋆ ──────────────

Planning : 金蓝

Music：怀归

Composing/Tuning：海格p

Mixing：磷元素

Illustration：YUXI

PV：面包烤过才好吃了

Guitar：Exi-Ted

Bass：空想

Drum：celest天狗

Vocals : Stardust Infinity