#Exis Station

[alphamecha-mkii]

Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi - Redemption #1 by Chris Gossett

[dreamofbona]

a moment of appreciation for kim seola

[andrewminyardslawyer]

Okay here's a companion piece to my "Jeremy Knox What The Hell Is Up With Your Family Evidence". I wanted to have a bullet point list so it was easier to keep track of everything. I am aware that this is probably excessive lol again if I missed anything feel free to let me know! I tried to keep all of my personal theories out of it and just present the facts but I included a couple explanations 

Jeremy Knox What The Hell Is Up With Your Family The Bullet Point List Edition 

Home

- "The trick to starting Saturdays off in the right foot was to get out of the house as early as possible. He'd realize years ago that he'd never be the first one awake"

- is on very good terms with the butler, William Hunter. William has coffee ready for him when he leaves in the morning, and texts him that his older brother and stepfather are in the sitting room when Jeremy gets home so he can avoid them and opens the front door for him

- is required to stay at the house during the weekday while school is in session. He is allowed to go to Cat and Laila's house on the weekends and over summer break. "Jean didn't miss away Jeremy's gaze slid past him to peer into the distance, or the tight tug at the corner of Cat's mouth. Jeremy was still smiling but the light had gone out in it" when talking about his living situation

Step Family / Mother 

- step grandfather is a congressman 

- "he'd wasted years arguing against such events, as he had absolutely no relation to his stepsfather's father, but his mother refused to budge. If a Congress man needed a picture perfect family for photo ops, the Knox family was duty bound to dress up and smile bright for the exhausting number of cameras"

- His stepfather's last name is Wilshire 

- is stated that he is permanently on his stepfather's bad side 

- told Jean not to call him by his last name, Knox 

- says that he will maybe do frosted tips next year after he's graduated and doesn't have to deal with the fallout and was kicked out of family dinner because of his bleached hair

- Jeremy says " 'I've never been to Europe. Dad's been stationed there a couple times, but....' " The wording makes me feel like his biological father is still alive but they aren't in touch 

- Jeremy's mother picked his therapist

Siblings 

- does not get along with his older brother, Bryson

- Jeremy left the house without his keys in order to avoid a confrontation with Bryson.

Later on he states that he "idly wished he'd been brave enough to get his keys"

- Bryson lives at home during the summer and goes to college on the East Coast

- does not get along with his sister, Annalise

- Annalise "insisted on keeping her own place on the other side of the city year round"

- in the one scene with Annalise she is very hostile to Jeremy:

•"more drama...".   •"Overdue for a new scandal, hm?' she asked. 'End the way you started.' He didn't flinch but it was a near thing. Once upon a time she had gone to all of his high school games, but once upon a time was before the fall banquet that broke their family in half she's gone out of her way to forget everything she knew about Exy since then, and she'd never forgiven him for sticking with it. He'd walk through a hundred hypothetical arguments with his therapist in preparation for the day he finally fought back, but every time the chance came, he watched it slip past and miserable silence." • " sent him an arch look. 'What’s Grandpa think of this investment of yours?' It was obvious bait, but that couldn’t keep the edge out of Jeremy’s fierce, 'He is not our grandfather.' 'Careful,' Annalise warned him as she rummaged for her keys. 'You already destroyed the family. Don’t destroy my future, too. Door.' "

- asks Lucas if he feels safe with his brother and when Lucas says he's my brother Jeremy says that's not what I asked 

- Cat hesitates when telling Jean how many siblings Jeremy has. She says there are three, one sister and two brothers. The older brother is an absolute tool and she nervously pushes her fries around her plate after speaking

- The second brother is never mentioned and seems to have a big part in The Incident. Potentially also played Exy. Is unknown if he is fully related, half sibling, or step sibling. Most likely younger than Jeremy

Money 

- Jeremy keeps meticulous track of his receipts and how he spends his money. There are three different times it is pointed out that he keeps the receipt and puts it in his wallet

- "It was always best to have a paper trail when dealing with his mother's bookkeeper"

- gives Cat the remaining money in his wallet to help with groceries and rent even though "Cat was more concerned with how many hoops it took him to pull it together when he was permanently on his stepfather's bad side"

Miscellaneous 

- Jeremy avoids the cops sitting at the park. Says there was little to no chance he'd know them, and no reason they'd recognize him, but Jeremy kept his gaze forward and his mouth shut until they were passed

- Rhemann says he will call the cops on Grayson if Jean wants him to and that he will "send Jeremy away first". Could be because Jean said that he did not want Jeremy in the room while Rhemann was cleaning his injuries and he figured Jean wouldn't want Jeremy there when he was talking to the police or it could have to do with Jeremy hiding his face from the cops at the park

- has specific fun ringtones for everybody except his family. Becomes very tense whenever they contact him

- automatically calls Wayne's suicide an accident and then "grimaced like it wasn't at all the word he wanted to use" perhaps whatever happened, his family calls The Incident an accident instead of what actually happened 

- responds with " 'that isn't a joke,' Jeremy said, with an unexpected ferocity' " when Jean jokes about suicide

- Cat says no judgment when it comes to therapy and the right therapist can be life-changing and to look at Jeremy for proof. Insinuating that The Incident was fairly traumatic

[allforthe-gays]

Jeremy Knox Predictions 🦅🦅🦅

one thing about me is that i LOVE to speculate and spread rumors

so here are my jeremy knox lore predictions (i will probs add onto this and fact check myself at a later date)

things we know

jeremy has beef with cops

jeremy has 3 siblings. an older brother, a younger sister, and a younger brother

we meet his sister, and there is obviously some bad blood between them. he is getting blamed for something and she thinks him playing exy is dumb.

there is very bad blood between him and his older brother. there isn’t an explanation but they clearly have a very volatile relationship even if we never see them interact.

jeremy has beef with his stepfather, and by extension his step-grandfather. his sister seems to be ‘playing nice’ because of the money he has

they have a butler

jeremy says something about his dad being stationed overseas. was he in the military? does he work for the government? is he alive?

he uses his mom’s credit card, but is intentional about keeping receipts to give to her finance person. was there a money fraud thing in the past?

i think his stepdad/stepgrandfather is in a political office?? idr and i dont want to check rn

my predictions

exy killed my grandma his younger brother

somehow said exy accident is jeremy’s fault??

except i have no idea how exy kills someone (we are ignoring the entire mafia thing going on in exy, we are pretending that isn’t a thing bc why tf would jeremy be involved in it)

his dad is either dead or VERY estranged

his mom moved on too quickly after his dad died/left

his dad left because of the younger brother’s dead or died at the same time

mom was involved in money scandal at some point

she married rich husband to get money/her status back

rich husband is dick

his older brother is probably homophobic

[lucky-slice]

Can you imagine being Jean-Yves Moreau, 15, already a little angry at the world, abandoned by a family that never cared for you anyways, and sent half-way across the world surrounded by a language you don't know. You're bright-eyed (because even if the world is cruel, you're still 15) and there is Kevin Day, the prodigal son of exy. He's older than you (barely a hair shy away from being an adult) and probably taller than you because you still haven't hit your growth spurt yet. And he's so good at exy, the best you've ever seen. He has no reason to be talking to you, no reason to even look at you, but he's asking for you in whispered tones to teach him your mother tongue and he's buying you stupid roadside gas station magnets and he's got green eyes and strong hands and it's hard to believe he's even real. But he is and he's staring at you like he actually cares - because when does Kevin Day ever do anything by halves? And so of course, of course, you promise him you'll stick around even if he never promises you the same.

[ohfallingdisco]

The Exy world absolutely sells these at every gas station and it does drive Kevin nuts:

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Hellooo

As per usual, I'd like to ask for some arsonist Neil/firefighter Andrew, I'm still stuck on Neil's whole ass gay panic to Andrew calling him cute. Also, the firemen light structure thingy was very funny because the pic totally looks like it could be Neil's

Anyways, thank you and have a good week : )

WIP Wednesday (9/25) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 238)

The call ends and Andrew rolls onto his side to get snuggly-warm in his nest of blankets and pillows. His best adult purchase, he thinks, is this bedding. He smushes his face into one of his pillows and lies there in the dark on the verge of slumber. But, just as he's about to fall asleep, his brain suddenly comes to life and he replays the call in his mind. Did he call 10 cute? Andrew thinks for a moment. Yes. He fucking did. What the hell's the matter with him? Andrew isn't the type to call anyone cute.

He lets out a sigh. Evidently, half-asleep Andrew is the type.

10 didn't call him on it. He must not have noticed. Good, good. Andrew wriggles a bit deeper into his cocoon and goes to sleep.

-

Andrew spends much of the next afternoon pondering a possible gift he could get for 10. He knows it's not needed, but he'll be damned if 10 gives him two presents before Andrew's gotten him one. (The gift basket full of chocolate was the first, of course. Andrew misses those stupid little cookies.)

But it's hard to pick out a present for someone he barely knows. Actually, he knows 10 quite well. He knows about his terrible past and his night terrors and love of fire. He'd guess he knows 10 better than anyone. However, the arsonist hasn't got any (non-arson) hobbies or interests.

Andrew likes to think himself a good gift-giver. Sure, they're usually practical ones. But they're good. The problem is, as far as he knows, 10 doesn't need anything.

See, last year Andrew bought Renee a new backpack. Hers was falling apart, so Andrew scoured the internet and found a duplicate. She loved it.

And for the station's Secret Santa, he drew Wymack's name. So he bought him a nice cushion for his chair. (The old man was constantly complaining of back and hip pain. Andrew fixed it.)

Last Christmas, he and Aaron hadn't exactly been close enough for gifts. Andrew had considered buying him a new remote for his Xbox, because he'd been complaining about it during their calls with Nicky. But he didn't want to shell out that much for a man who hated his guts. So he didn't.

The only other gift he bought last year was a pair of noise-canceling headphones for Kevin, who'd been struggling with the nosiness of planes and team buses. Until Andrew fixed it. (He likes fixing things.) Oh. Speaking of Kevin, Andrew really should thank him for the sweater. He won't. But he should. The asshole. How dare he know Andrew looks good in green before Andrew did. Bastard.

In lieu of a thank you, Andrew sends Kevin the photo he took of last night's outfit. Less than a minute later, his phone nearly vibrates off the table. Renee looks up at him, concerned.

"Everything okay?"

"It's just Kevin."

"Ah." Renee nods and looks back down at her crossword book. From the look of it, she's only got a few left. Maybe he should get a new one and leave it laying around the station. Andrew makes a mental note to do just that and picks up his phone.

Kevin Damn. See, I told you. I fucking told you that would look good on you. Is this the first time you've worn it? I think you could try it with jeans too. And a smile. For fuck's sake, Andrew. You look like the most bored person alive. But good. Really good. I love being right. It's a hobby of mine. Are you not going to answer? Asshole. Andrew Excuse me for taking thirty seconds to reply. Some of us have actual jobs, Day. Kevin Exy is my job. Andrew Exy is your disease. Kevin Which I get paid for. Do you like the sweater? Does this mean I get to buy you clothes now? Andrew Do whatever you want. If you buy me something, I might wear it in three years. Kevin You suck. But you really do look good in that, Andrew. It suits you well. Andrew Stop flirting with me. Kevin I'm not flirting with you, idiot. By the way, Jeremy also says you look nice. Jean thinks you should get those pants hemmed. Andrew Are you going to get opinions from all your teammates? Kevin No, just the ones I live with. Where are you going? Have a date? Andrew It was last night. Went over to Aaron's to 'meet' his girlfriend. Kevin Oh. Do I need to post bail or...?

[hestiaflames]

the enigma of jeremy knox

after one full read and revisiting some of my annotations (and shoutout to @andrewminyardslawyer for this collection of passages) I have attempted to collect my observations and conclusions/theories about the enigma named Jeremy Knox

please tell me your interpretations

Jeremy’s Dad

Mr. Wilshire is Jeremy’s stepfather (we know from "Bryson is in the sitting room with Mr. Wilshire" and then Jeremy referring to him as his stepfather. I was confused about this at the beginning lol)

This means that Knox is Jeremy’s dad’s name. Why doesn’t he want to be called Knox? Is it the reminder of divorce or his family drama when he’d rather not think about it?

Speaking of Jeremy’s dad: "Dad's been stationed [in Europe] a couple times". Most likely military, then. The tense (“Dad has been”) suggests that his dad is still in his life, not dead or estranged (otherwise I’d expect “Dad was stationed” instead). Unless perhaps Jeremy is going out of his way to hide it? He does avoid talking about his family, but he brings this up unprompted and I get the sense that Laila and Cat would know something that big so I don’t think this is a lie

Jeremy maintaining a relationship with his dad could certainly be a point of conflict with his stepfather and siblings, but doesn't seem to fit the "freshman year exy banquet scandal" we're catching wind of. It's possible his dad was involved, but I don't think it's where my money would go. 

Jeremy’s Siblings

Cat tells Jean that Jeremy has one sister and two brothers. Twice we hear Bryson referred to as “the older brother” and Annalise as his younger sister, so the siblings are:  Bryson, Jeremy, and Annalise-and-unnamed-brother-in-unknown-order. 

Of course, we must address “Jeremy has–three” and Jean “idly wondering what she’d changed at the last minute and why”. It sounds like the number changed (unless I’m missing a possibility here?), so why?

Step or half siblings? There is a stepfather in the mix, so she could have increased it to include step or half siblings, but I lean towards not this. Jeremy says that “the Knox family was duty-bound to dress up and smile bright for [the] cameras”, which would be odd to say if his siblings weren’t all Knoxes. Also, Cat tells Jean this after telling him that her two oldest siblings are half siblings, so imo it would be an odd thing to hide on Jeremy’s behalf

Otherwise, I think we’re talking about a death or estrangement. The unnamed younger brother, probably (though perhaps a fourth sibling). Now this is “broke the family in half” or “destroyed the family” territory. “broke the family in half” could be a death but almost sounds more like a schism, perhaps between Dad & Unnamed Brother and the rest of the family? Or perhaps Jeremy&Dad?

Jeremy & Bryson. What is going on here?

Pretty much the first thing we learn about Jeremy is that he is avoiding his older brother, leaving without his keys to avoid the possibility of an interaction.

Jeremy says that Bryson always spends his summers at home, and also specifically says he’ll be staying at Cat & Laila’s over the summer but then only over on weekends during the school year.

The conversation he has with Lucas: “Do you feel safe with him there?” “He’s my brother” “That’s not what I asked” could be read as him being protective of his teammate, but also could be implying that Jeremy knows what it’s like to feel unsafe around his brother. Learning there have been physical altercations wouldn’t come from left field.

The Fall Banquet Exy Scandal

Speaking of breaking the family in half, what happened at this fall banquet?

Annalise says “Overdue for a new scandal… End the way you started”, so it happened his freshman year. She went out of her way to forget everything about Exy and can’t forgive Jeremy for continuing to play, so she seems to blame Exy as much as she blames Jeremy. 

If it did in fact have to do with the younger brother, did he get hurt badly or die playing? If a high schooler died playing Exy three years before, would we have heard about it from Jean or Neil? Our other two narrators are not what you’d call tuned into the outside world all the time. On the other hand, yes Jeremy compartmentalizes even in his narration, but you’re telling me it never crosses his mind while playing a very rough sport if his brother was severely injured? It’s possible, but I’m not sold on this theory. It also wouldn’t explain why it’s tied specifically to the banquet.

The other thought I have is that something happened at that banquet that was some kind of PR mess. The family-in-politics obsession with being a “picture-perfect family” and Jeremy being unwelcome at dinner after bleaching his hair support this, but the Trojan reputation doesn’t. Whatever happened would have to walk the line between totally unacceptable to the family but also not a blemish on the Trojan reputation. Jeremy is made captain and Jean (who knows who he is and would be aware of a Trojan scandal even if it happened before his freshman year, since he was in the Nest and with Riko and Kevin) doesn’t know about it. Kevin is obsessed with the Trojans and with Jeremy, and Jeremy’s teammates (besides Lucas’ almost-comment about him being gay) show nothing but respect for him and his leadership.

I’ve seen speculation that it could have to do with Jeremy being gay, but this would again seem to contradict the fact that Jean and especially Kevin would know, wouldn’t they? I also don’t think Nora’s gonna do that. She wrote gay, trans, and polyamorous Trojans, which you could argue are accepted because it’s the Trojans, but even Jean doesn’t blink about Cody’s pronouns. It doesn’t really make sense to me that she’d pointedly avoid doing 2007-appropriate homophobia and then turn around and do 2007-appropriate homophobia. Possible? Yes. Do I think it’s gonna happen? No.

Cops

“There was little to no chance he’d know them, and no reason they’d recognize him, but Jeremy kept his gaze forward and mouth shut until they were past”. He’s afraid to be recognized. Is it because of a previous interaction (from the banquet? the scandal?) or because of his family? Is he apprehensive about them reacting to him, or something getting back to his family? 

Later Rhemann offers to send Jeremy away before bringing the cops in after Jean is attacked. Jean has no idea why Rhemann is suggesting it, but it means that whatever Jeremy’s fear of cops is, he knows about it and also assumes Jeremy told Jean. This doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that Just Comes Up with your coach, so it’s probably based on a prior experience in college. The freshman year banquet again sounds like the likely explanation here.

Jeremy and Mental Health

Jean says “Maybe [Grayson] will also kill himself” and Jeremy replies “That isn’t a joke”, with “unexpected ferocity”. Cat winces. This could be Jeremy being well adjusted (A little before this, Cat says, “That’s not a thing well-adjusted people say”, after all), but his tone and Cat’s reaction makes it seem a lot more personal than Jeremy just saying “Suicide jokes aren’t funny”. 

Guys, I think Jeremy’s mystery brother might’ve killed himself. If he played Exy and was bullied or maybe got seriously injured and later killed himself, and cops showed up when it happened, and it was somehow brought up during that banquet and Jeremy said something or reacted somehow that caused a familial rift… I think this is my leading theory.

Initially I didn’t think anything of “There’s been an accident”, but I wonder if maybe that’s how the news was broken to him about his brother. Or if his family insists on calling it “an accident” and maybe what happened at the banquet was Jeremy acknowledging that he doesn’t think it was. 

“The right therapist can be legit life changing–just look at Jeremy for proof”, Cat says. We knew from the first Jeremy chapter that he was in therapy and talked about his family, but “life changing” speaks to the severity of all of it. His mom picking the therapist suggests that either he was off the rails enough for her to intervene (more likely mental health issues than something like drug use, again given the Trojans) or that she’s more supportive or sympathetic to him than his siblings and step father. We hear few references to his mom; just a passing comment about her bookkeeper, a mention that she makes the kids go to fundraisers and other events, and that she’s allergic to dogs. Oh, we also know that his mother didn’t hit him. We know he doesn’t get on with his sister or older brother and is “permanently on his stepfather’s bad side”, but very little at all about his relationship with his mom.

Miscellaneous 

About the floozies, and I actually don’t think this is Jeremy backstory. Cat says it was “in response to some drama my freshman year”. She’s a rising junior, so that would’ve been Jeremy’s junior year. Jeremy’s scandalous exy banquet was his freshman year, so I think this is Catalina backstory, not Jeremy’s. I am obsessed with the fact that the queer Trojans nicknamed themselves the floozy line. Icons

One other line that seems potentially telling to me is, “What’s Grandpa think of this investment of yours”. What did Annalise mean by investment? Jeremy putting his time into exy? His use of money? The last thing Jeremy said was about Jean, could he be the “investment”? I think it’s most likely about exy, maybe how his commitment to it either reflects badly on the family or is seen as a silly endeavor

god, i could not be more excited for tsc2, or for the speculation in the meantime

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

au in which nathaniel is married to riko part 2 (part 1)

(like 2 people asked for this but lmao thats good enough for me)

i had to think hard about this ngl, i kinda just like leaving my thoughts open ended like that, and i had a choice, to like, be nice to neil

here is the opposite of that <3

tw for domestic abuse, manipulation, suicide attempt

neil doesn't truly remember what happens next, he just knows he's in a hotel room and he's in pain and he can barely open his eyes and he can see riko is right there in the room and neil just wants to cry and scream and go back and he doesn't want to be here

and riko is right fucking there and he's threatening neil and he's just going on and on about how much trouble he's been, and how much trouble he's going to be when they get back to new york and how riko wont ever let him slip away like that again

and then riko just fucking... stops, stops shouting, stops pacing, stops spitting things at neil, and he just cries and tells neil how much he has missed him all these years and he apologizes and he holds neil close despite the pain, despite the wounds, and he promises to be better, he promises he will take care of neil

no, not of neil

of nathaniel

and nathaniel, exhausted and terrified and hopeless and in agony, can do nothing but whisper to riko to take him home, even if the words taste like venom, even if there's nothing he wants to do more than throw up, even if there are tears rolling down his cheeks and blood covering his skin

because this is all there is for him right? neil josten wasn't real, his hopes and his friends and his family and his- no, andrew is not his anymore, none of the foxes are

neil josten's life isn't nathaniels

it never was

bc neil josten didn't exist in the first place and he never should have existed

meanwhile back in seattle (and what neil doesn't know), andrew felt guilt of all things, at seeing the look of heartbreak in neils face, of hope and despair and loss, so he forces himself to stop off the road not even a kilometer later (don't ask me about miles i have no idea how those work) and he kinda just hits his steering wheel in a sprout of anger but he cant make himself to go back just yet, so he calls aaron

aaron kinda just yells at him lol, bc he's been worried about neil himself all morning and him and kate are dying bc they are scared and they just want to know how neil is doing, and like aaron just makes andrew go back for neil while aaron gets there

except neil is gone

obviously, bc wtf andrew its been like half an hour where you expecting him to be waiting for you?

and when he asks around well, the cashier just knows, ah yes the fidgety redhead kid? oh yeah some rich asian guy in a mercedes picked him up, yeah they looked close, the asian guy even hugged him and basically left clinging off the readhead, yeah sorry buddy, they left like half an hour ago, why tho? is he in some kind of trouble?

and andrew just, loses it

the next few days are a blur for andrew, he knows wymack pulls some strings and with the help of the foxes and his own money they manage to get the recorded tapes from the security camera at the gas station and its grainy as shit and

and why the fuck is riko moriyama hugging neil?

how does riko even know him?

it doesn't make any sense, why is riko kissing neil, andrew’s neil, like there's no tomorrow??

why is neil leaving with him??

and why the fuck is riko posting a picture on instagram, ready to fucking come out and announce that he has a husband??

and why is that husband neil??

except its not neil, except riko says his husband is nathaniel, and well would you look at that?? nathaniel is nothing but a fucking liar, who didnt tell him that he's with someone else, who didn't even tell him his fucking name

andrew loses himself a little after that, even if he convinces himself that he's fine, that he even ended things with him, that neil is living the happy rich life with the richest and most popular man in exy, good riddance

(but andrew can never forget, not only the good things about the relationship, no, what he can never forget is neil- nathaniel's flinches, the way he would curl up into himself when someone spoke too loud, the fear in his eyes whenever he messed up at something, the quiet sadness when they- when they started being something, andrew and neil, and he confessed that he was scared of things changing, and he confessed that it was scary to open up to someone, the again implicit in his shaky voice)

(andrew can never forget the rage when neil confessed he wasn't in the mood for sex most times, and the confusion when andrew said they didn't have to have sex when it was a no, the rage at neil's soft whispered "i can say no?")

andrew can never shake off the feeling that something is so fucking wrong, but he convinces himself to stay the fuck out of it, that its none of his fucking business, that nathaniel can live his life however he fucking wants to, andrew doesn't need him, he never has (he's always been a good liar)

months go by, in which riko posts pictures of his perfect life with his perfect husband, who doesn't have social media accounts of his own bc he likes his privacy (then why is riko sharing his pictures-)

months go by where andrew gets drunk beyond relief, but he needs to keep his pro career to pay aarons tuition so he sucks it up and does the bare fucking minimum while making sure he doesn't get fired

aaron can never truly shake off the worry, he and katelyn were the ones who saw him when he arrived, beat up and terrified and so dangerously hurt, and how hard it was for him to open up and start to accept good things, kind things

so he keeps up with them, with rikos pictures and videos and stories, trying to find proof that there's nothing wrong there, trying to find a way to convince himself that no, he's making it all up bc he himself was abused by somone he loved and trusted, and he's just proyecting

but neil is too quiet, all respectful smiles and wrapping arms around himself, always wearing baggy clothing and turtleneck shirts

the smile never reaches his eye

aaron just cant help but worry for him, bc he cant worry for andrew anymore, not he doesn't want to worry about himself, not when he's ready to pretend nothing happened and wants to keep going like neil didn't even exist

its aarons day off, and it's been 8 months since he's seen neil when he gets a call from an unknown number and he answers expecting to hear from a colleague or a resident or a med student on shift at the hospital

what he doesn't expect is ragged breathing from the other line

"hello? who is this?" he almost hangs up when all he gets is silence and that faint sound of breathing for a full minute, but before he can he hears a sob

"im so sorry, i didn't- i didn't know who to call"

aarons heart stops, bc its neil, holy shit its neil and he asks if neil is okay, he asks if neil is safe, he asks what's going on

neil remains silent again for too long, and his voice is barely a whisper "i will be soon"

his heart drops to his stomach, fear, no, absolute terror, engulfing him, "neil what did you do"

silence and then "he got me prescribed valium"

his heart is beating too fast too fast he's going to have a heart attack, "neil, neil i need you to tell me how many pills you took"

that for some reason brings out a small giggle, "i dont, i didn't count, i just, I just swallowed them all"

"neil i need you to call 911"

"i dont want to do that"

"neil, please please call 911"

"i just, im sorry i called you, i just didn't want to be alone, i- andrew didn't pick up the phone"

aaron can feel the tears on his face, "neil please, just call 911, I'll, tell me where you are and i can come get you okay? you dont, you dont have to do this"

he takes a beat too long to answer, and he does with a sob "i cant take this anymore aaron, i can't- i can't stand living with him anymore, he won't let me go any other way"

"neil i promise I can get you help, legal help, we can get you away from him, you would never have to see him again, you would be safe"

neil is still crying, "it didn't work before, it, nothing works, nothing- this will make it better"

aaron is starting to hyperventilate, "neil, please just..."

"can you, can you tell andrew i didn't mean to fuck it up? i couldn't- i couldn't marry him without getting a divorce and I couldn't- i didn't want himto find me"

"neil you can tell him yourself, lets just call 911"

his words are slurring, he sounds so tired, "thank you for being such a, such a good friend aaron"

he's too quiet on the other line, aaron is fucking terrified, god he's crying and panicking, god what does he do what does he do

he puts the phone on speaker and texts kate who's just out getting takeout and god he really needs her right fucking now

thankfully, he hears the car come in the driveway and he runs down the stairs to meet her

the call is still going, but neil hasn't said anything

"neil?? are you still there?? NEIL??"

by the time kate opens the door, he's telling her to call 911, they're able to locate calls right?? even if neil hasn't answered, the call is active, thats enough right??

"i have someone on the line who i think is attempting suicide, i- i dont know where he is, and he isn't answering, but the call is still going"

its enough

"an ambulance is on its way, do you have any idea of what happened?"

"i think he overdosed on diazepam"

"you did great by calling us"

they can do nothing but sit in silence, call ongoing in aaron's phone, holding each other as they both cry and pray to a god aaron barely believes in that the ambulance gets there in time

he can't even read how much time has passed on the phone, when he's suddenly aware of noise on the other end of the line, what sounds like a door breaking, and then chaos

he can't distinguish what's happening, he doesn't know if they got there in time or not

"hello?? is someone there??"

"YES, yes is he alive? is he...?"

"he's alive, just barely, we gave him an antidote to reverse the effects and he's breathing, you did a great job sir"

"can you tell me where you're taking him? im in seattle but i will book a flight as soon as i can"

they tell him the name of the hospital, they tell him he will probably be there for a few days under suicide watch

before the paramedic ends the call he makes himself say, "can you make sure his husband doesn't see him? he's, he abuses my friend, he's the reason he took those pills"

the paramedic takes a deep breath, "can you tell me his name? the husband's?"

his voice trembles, "riko moriyama"

"i will personally make sure he doesn't have access to him"

"thank you"

the phone disconnects at last and through the tears, the first thing aaron does is book two flights for new york

one for him and one for katelyn

he hesitates, before rubbing his eyes free of tears and realizing andrew is in a game

he books a third ticket leaving a few hours later than his and kate's, grabs a bag and they're out the door in less than 5 minutes

he can do nothing to leave a voicemail for Andrew's phone, that he knows will destroy him and give kevin a headsup too, bc he might not be much, but he's all the support andrew is gonna have at the time

he prays to the god he's believing in a little bit more than he did an hour ago, and asks nothing more than for neil to be okay when they get to new york

did not mean for this to become longer than 2 parts oop

[bisexualchaosdemon]

What if Neil was trans and had a baby after Mary died?

I've seen a few atfg fics where Neil has a sibling or kid but all the ones I've read were heavily influenced by Mary's presence. It got me thinking about what it would be like if she wasn't around when the kid came into the picture. I wrote a little prologue, lemme know if it's something you guys might wanna read.

**trigger warning: mentions of SA, forced pregnancy, and traumatic childbirth**

Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵Prologue🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

When Neil was fourteen, his father caught up to them in Seattle and he got separated from Mary. Nathan went after Mary and a couple of his men went after Neil. While they were apart, Neil was raped for the first time and Mary was beaten for the last time. Somehow, they both escaped, managing to reunite at one of their emergency rendezvous and take off running.

That's where their luck ran out though because they only made it to California before Mary's injuries finally bested her. In the end, his mother couldn't go on but she made Neil promise to keep running because one of them had to make it. With no other choice, Neil burned her body, buried her ashes on the beach, and did what he had promised.

Then, impossibly, things went from bad to worse — After a month of just sort of drifting in his grief, Neil found out he was pregnant.

He had no way out this one, there was no backdoor to slip through or bus to catch. He couldn't risk someone contacting the police or social services when a fourteen-year-old turned up at a clinic to request an abortion without parental consent. And, even if they weren't incredibly dangerous, any illegal methods for a termination risked Nathan tracking him down. So, with no choice but to keep the pregnancy, he spent the next eight months jumping from place to place, trying to remain out of sight whenever possible. And he hated every minute of it.

He spent the entirety of his pregnancy terrified and alone, and he gave birth alone too. He hadn't been able to see any doctors or go to a hospital for obvious reasons. He tried his best to have a healthy pregnancy but the research he had managed to do on childbirth was extremely limited. He didn't even know what was happening really before he ended up giving birth in a back ally somewhere — fourteen years old and completely alone.

The baby hadn't cried at first and Neil had never been more terrified than he had been in those few seconds. That first cry brought a relief heavy enough to break him completely. His plan the whole time had been to give the baby up, just leave them at a fire station somewhere and pray they'd have a better life than he did. He thought about it a thousand times but every time he looked at his daughter's face, and he just couldn't do it. He couldn't give her up. He didn't want to be alone again.

So he picked himself up, skipped town with his daughter craddled close, and decided to do the one thing he had always wanted; He cut off all of his hair, taped down his chest and started telling people he was a boy. He had always felt like being a girl wasn't right for him but he never dared voice this while on the run with his mother. Without her controling everything though, he was free to do this one thing for himself, and he hoped it might even help him stay hidden. More importantly, it helped him reclaim part of himself he thought he lost after the rape and pregnancy.

The first few years, they moved around a lot because Neil was always worried someone would start to notice the teenager and baby without parents anywhere in sight. However, when his daughter was almost three, they ran a ground in Millport, a dying town where they could squat in an empty house unnoticed. Neil just needed a moment to breathe. So, he got an ID that said he was eighteen which let him go to high school and play Exy without anyone needing to speak to his parents. Then he forged the signatures of their fictional parents to get his daughter enrolled in preschool and after school childcare for the days he had practice. Finally, he got them phones for emergencies and pretended to be his mother any time someone called.

He became Neil and he gifted his daughter his middle name, Anastasia, and on paper they became the Josten siblings.

He knew they would need to pack up and leave soon enough, but he was exhausted and he just wanted Ana to have a semi-normal life for a year. He'd clear out after graduation and figure out where to go from there. But just as their time in Millport is running out, in walks David Wymack with an offer that's too dangerous to trust but too impossible to leave behind...

[popcorn-ceiling-chickemn]

Ok we know that Neil dressed as bland and invisible as possible but imagine after his mom died and he's going through a wardrobe dump and rehash at a thrift store he just gravitates to the old faded exy sports t shirts like maybe he decided to try out for the exy team because a kid asked if he was a fan of the exy team that was on his shirt and the kid told him he should try out for the team since he always seems to have an exy shirt on so he just goes with it, the rest of his life is already on a downward spiral he might as well get to hit ball go fast a few more times before his dad finds him. And of course when the news finally breaks that he's actually the son of a serial killer and he apparently plays exy wicked good the kid that complimented his shirt is just shitting literal bricks at their minimum wage gas station job they got to save up for college since millport is too small for a community college and cannot comprehend how the quiet kid who he randomly invited to join the team could have (potentially) murdered them and actually should have been kicking their ass during practice.

[film-in-my-soul]

show me | 1,581 | mostly_maudlin / @mostlymaudlin

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acoustic | 1,814 | moonix / @annawrites

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(see more recommendations below!)

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intrusive | 3,665 | bazookajo94 / @bazookajo94

Summary: Neil was at a bus station, sprawled on the benches and staring at the ceiling, zoning out to the poorly tuned radio station and ignoring his throbbing body, battered and bruised, when he heard a voice inside him say I don’t like this song. Neil closed his eyes. “You don’t like anything,” he replied, but Andrew didn’t think Neil was real, so he never stuck around when Neil talked back.

now that I know you | 4,535 | djhedy / @djhedy

Summary: He wants to ask Neil, but he isn’t sure what answer he’ll get. He waits until they’re between classes, when they wander towards the benches to waste away their fifteen minute break. In fact waits until they only have eight minutes left, head counting away the time, watching Neil swing his legs under the bench, as Andrew is sat cross-legged next to him, watching the side of his face. Neil is quiet, almost knowing. Asshole. Andrew says, “Do you know me?” Neil’s legs stop swinging. He says, “What does that mean?”

tell me, are we there yet? | 10,216 | rwnjun / @rwnjun

Summary: It wasn’t supposed to go like this. It was supposed to be easy. In and out. Kevin and Neil knew the place better than anyone else, knew every niche and every corner. They made the plan, they did the math. In and out, no more than twenty minutes, grab Jean and go. No lingering. No disturbances. No alerting anyone to their presence. Andrew thought it was a bad idea from the start.

Candy Pop | 11,549 | loveroulettes

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an atom & a star | 31,247 | mostly_maudlin / @mostlymaudlin

Summary: Andrew Minyard isn't looking for fame. That's why he plays bass in a backing band. Even so, fame finds Andrew in the form of Four, the mysterious remaining performer of boy band sensation The Perfect Court. Four brings more trouble than he should be worth — his history littered with secrets, lies, and skeletons. But as they round the globe on Four's debut solo world tour, the stakes get higher, and two facts become clearer: Neil Josten isn't the man that Raven Records sells to the world. And now that Andrew has his hands on the man behind the mask, he's never going to let go.

the dominoes cascaded in a line | 35,642 | gsdlover16s

Summary: Sometime after being tortured in the basement of his childhood home and a spider bite that turned his new life upside down, Neil stops running and starts swinging instead. He tries not to regret his decision when a seemingly invulnerable mercenary starts breaking down every wall he's ever built. Or: Neil is Spider-Man, Andrew is Deadpool, and people only assume Spider-Man doesn’t kill because Neil is very good at hiding bodies.

hello world | 36,838 | lolainslackss / @lolainslackss

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to know a man | 47,928 | moonix / @annawrites

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fear in a handful of dust | 104,521 | flybbfly / @wilsherejack

Summary: “I need to talk to Minyard,” Neil says, sipping at a soda. “How do I make that happen?” Kevin chokes on his whiskey. “You don't.” In which Neil doesn't have Kevin Day to convince him to play, so he becomes a sports journalist; Andrew is a keeper in more ways than one; and Quidditch is the sport du jour. Featuring a frankensteined team, eternal roommate Matt, and hawkish sports section editor Dan. Oh, and Andrew has a shady past (present? future?) that Neil can't quite figure out. But that's nothing new for Neil, who is constantly hiding everything about himself anyway—this time with magical abilities greasing the way.

2024 Reclists · INBOX · Blog Updates

[mostlymaudlin]

important question: how do you think neil/the other foxes felt the next holiday season they had together??? what did the inside of neils head look like on new year’s eve as he remembered what he was doing that time the year before yknow

i love when people ask me questions abt my hcs like this <3

i kind of wrote a NYE flash fic last year! it's not very introspective tho. neil is just happy and getting a smooch :)

however, you got me thinking about how that juxtaposition would be for neil during the holidays. it got more christmas-y than NYE-ish though, so apologies if you're not rly into xmas... I'm usually not either lol. buuuuuut i wrote this:

🎄 merry & bright 🎄

andreil, rated t, 400 words / ao3 series: flashes of intimacy

There are no flights this year. No Exy, either. Wymack changed the codes to the court before he and Abby left to celebrate the holidays in the Bahamas. Neil does have one new wound: a paper cut he received while Nicky taught him how to wrap presents. It’s deep enough to need a bandaid, but not enough that he’ll remember it this time next year — not the way Evermore haunts the edges of Neil’s mind.

The memories come to him in hazy fractures, seconds-long intrusions that make his stomach roil. The phantom of the Ravens’ grueling schedule is messing with his sleep. Neil tries to lie still in the dark bedroom, but he keeps Andrew up too. Or maybe Andrew just has his own ghosts. Regardless, Andrew wraps himself around Neil from behind until late in the night, a silent commitment to rest even if sleep itself won’t come.

Those are just moments, though; blips in a winter break spent at the Columbia house. The present day is lazy and cheerful and warm enough to chase away the chill of the past.

“Are you having fun, Neil?” Nicky asks.

They’re in the living room, and the space is lit only by the television and the colorful lights on the tree. Earlier, when they’d driven around looking at other people’s Christmas lights, Neil had to sit half in Erik’s lap in order to cram four people in the backseat of the car. The lights were pretty. One house had taxidermy deer that disgusted Kevin but fascinated Aaron. Another had a sign with instructions to tune into a radio station where they were broadcasting music that synced up to the lights flashing on the house. Some of the streets they drove down were lined with houses lit up so brightly that it nearly gave the illusion of daylight.  

Andrew pokes Neil in the cheek, bringing him back to the present once more. Nicky stares at him expectantly. There’s a mug of cooled cocoa in his hands. The credits roll on a claymation movie that Neil had only sort of watched through drooping eyelids. Andrew’s arm is a heavy, warm weight across the back of Neil’s shoulders, and his fingers occasionally trace the seams of Neil’s shirt. He hasn’t let go of Neil since they got home.

“Yeah,” Neil says. Nicky grins. Andrew draws circles against Neil’s shoulder. “Thanks. I really am.”

[jupitersrising]

Aftg takes place in 2006-7 right? So imagine if Andrew has this giant CD case that he keeps under the seats of the Maserati because he can't stand the South Carolinian radio stations. (Kevin insists they leave it on to listen to exy games but Andrew refuses.)

Matt, being the main driver for the upperclassmen, also has a giant CD case of their music.

My point is, when Andrew and Matt start bonding via parent trap shenanigans where Neil switches their CD cases. Forcing them to contend with the fact that A. they both like cars and B. the other has good music taste.

[deeppenguinstudent]

Kayleigh Day walked through the dingy alleys of Detroit; her purse clutched tightly against her chest. It had been aeons since she's roamed these streets with Wymack - laughing, crying, drinking - they'd done it all. A smile graced her face, but it quickly morphed into a scowl as a random passerby whistled at Kayleigh's skimpy dress, to which she flipped them off with an annoyed expression.

She had half a mind to punch the simpering look men gave her as she walked past. However, a toothy grin with chubby cheeks simmered her anger slightly.

Kayleigh had been travelling to and fro Michigan for a couple of years since the state president was a zealot enthusiast of Exy and yearned to build an enormous stadium designed specifically for professional games. Naturally, he invited Kayleigh and Tetsuji to discuss the logistics of the plan, but Tetsuji had turned him down with a simple sneer. This left Kayleigh to pull up her socks and grit her teeth to begrudgingly accept the offer. Exy was a new sport after all, it needed all the funding it could get.

This time, Kayleigh had to stay in Detroit for 2 whole months. Usually, she'd ask Wymack and Kevin to accompany her, but she didn't want to burden them with the unnecessarily long time frame. The farewell shed a few tears from Kayleigh, and her two boys groaned as she mushed them into tight hugs before she left for her boarding gate. Although, they will never admit to her that they started tearing up the moment she walked towards the gate.

Kayleigh's thoughts began to wander to the exultant girl she had met about a week prior.

It was nearly 6 in the morning, and Kayleigh had run down to a gas station for her morning exercise. She pulled out an energy drink along with a protein bar and made her way to the cashier where a little girl was unloading an ungodly amount of cents.

She had curly hair and an adorable button nose that scrunched up in sadness when she recounted her money.

"It's... okay," she sighed heartedly, "Take out the pastry, I'll just get the bandages."

Kayleigh saw the little girl pout and bite her lip in an attempt to not break out into a sob. Pity wallowed in Kayleigh's heart, and she pulled out a bundle of cash before handing it to the little girl and smiling gently.

"Buy whatever you want," Kayleigh patted her head, "It's on me."

When the girl's eyes gleamed in happiness and she nodded fervently, Kayleigh couldn't shake the feeling of unbridled joy. Especially after seeing her bring a stack of snacks along with medicinal supplies to the cashier.

"My name's Elodie-Yves." The girl turned to look at Kayleigh, "What's yours?"

"Kayleigh Day."

Elodie had abashedly tugged on her sleeve after she purchased her items; when she didn't let go, Kayleigh gazed at her questioningly, to which Elodie responded that her brother had told her food was best shared with company. Thereafter, Kayleigh and the girl met up every morning to eat breakfast and watch the Sun rise on a park bench together.

Kayleigh had told Elodie about her experience as an athlete - the good and the bad. She had also told her about Kevin and Wymack and chuckled as Elodie's twinkled at the recollection of her marriage day.

In turn, Elodie had told Kayleigh about her mysterious brother. She had told her the perils of the abuse they'd undergone by their birth parents; the sacrifices her brother had made in order to run away from France to Detroit, bringing his little sister alongside him.

"Can I ask you a question, Miss Kayleigh?"

"Of course, Elodie," Kayleigh took a bite out of the sandwich she was eating. It had been a week since she started associating herself with Elodie - she could feel herself starting to get dangerously attached.

"Does your work usually make you come back home with bruises and cuts?"

"Is this about your brother?" Kayleigh's stomach bottomed out, her appetite now gone. Elodie had expressed her concerns about Jean's work prior, but she had dismissed it with a wave before prattling on about other mindless topics.

"Yeah, we got into a fight last night," Elodie's voice cracked, "Yesterday he came back with more bruises than ever. His voice was hoarse, and he couldn't even sit properly. I don't understand why he can't just quit and find another job. He won't even let me visit and help him, just how stubborn can he get?"

Elodie was sobbing silently as she bit her lip before turning away.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop crying. Just give me a minute." Elodie choked out. Kayleigh heard Elodie squeak when she pulled her into a fierce hug.

"I don't care if you cry around me, Elodie."

Kayleigh had heard of Elodie's parents striking her with horrifying punishments the moment a tear cascaded from her eyes. They would tape her mouth shut and leave her to starve for days just because she weeped over a miniscule thing. One time, her father had almost suffocated her with a pillow because she wailed after injuring her knee. Truly, they were monsters.

Elodie held onto Kayleigh's arms tightly as she rocked back into her chest.

"Do you... do you think you could talk to him?" Elodie quipped up, her voice shaky. "You're a good adult. He'd like you. He'd listen to you."

Kayleigh hummed, "I can try."

A cackling chortle tore Kayleigh away from her memories as she stumbled into a pile of spilt alcohol. She cringed as she lifted up her heels before trudging along the streets to the location Elodie had given her. Jean was a skeptical person, according to Elodie, so Kayleigh had to blend in to garner his trust and prevent him from putting up even more walls around him.

She felt even more at unease as she saw people making out sloppily against the walls. Kayleigh didn't want to dignify the idea of Jean selling himself out, but the more she thought about it, the more it sadly made sense. How else was a freshly new adult supposed to make enough cash for himself and his younger sister? Kevin was still living with his parents, and he was 20 - he could barely afford a house of his own because of the unfairly rising prices.

Her heels clacked into place when she saw a boy starkingly similar to Elodie. Curly hair, but his cheeks were angular, and eyes as grey as the skies during a thunderstorm.

Nevertheless, Kayleigh saw him being shoved rather aggressively to the wall by a burly man. His tongue latched onto Jean's neck as Jean tried to push him away, but his arms were slammed on top of his head as he cried out in pain.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Kayleigh had a bad habit, one that was extremely prominent in high adrenaline situations. Do first, Regret later. It was something that Wymack had chided her about, causing her to try to amend her ways. She pushed the man's head, rendering him to topple sideways. Jean stared at her with wide eyes as she clasped his hand tightly.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" the man spat out angrily as he edged closer to them.

Kayleigh stared at Jean and then to the man before clearing her throat, "Why are you taking advantage of the workers? Shouldn't you be paying to seek an audience with them?"

"I'm the damn owner of this brothel. I can do whatever the fuck I want," his eyes slid as he leered at Jean's form, "Or whoever I want."

Kayleigh felt Jean shiver under his gaze.

She turned to him and levelled him with a cold stare, "Give him to me. I'll pay double - no, triple his price for the rest of the night."

The man let out a disgustingly huge grin as Kayleigh threw the purse filled with cash towards him, "You've got yourself a deal, ma'am."

Old habits die hard she supposed.

[jtl-fics]

I will throw out a foxhole bake au, things are getting juicy and I am but an eager spectator

WIP Wednesday 12/13/23 (Closed) | A Foxhole Bake

"No not particularly." Neil agrees to that at least as he adds some sugar and starts to furiously whisk the egg whites.

"You know we have a stand mixer for that right?" Noel points to the prominent piece of kitchen gadgetry that was on Neil's station.

Neil doesn't look up from where he continued to whisk his mixture together furiously, "I had to take off time from Exy. I need to work out my arms." he says.