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sataraxia · 1 year ago

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you're losing me.

miguel o'hara x fem!reader

summary: 'you're losing me' by taylor swift.

genre: angst, so much angst. basically a songfic.

warnings: cursing, violence, hard violence at the end, the reader shows signs of bpd. it "continues" the across the spiderverse plot.

a/n: i wanted to do this for a while now, i'm a fluff fan but a taylor swift one first. english isn't my first language so pls let me know my mistakes.

w.c: 13.2k

You have been with Miguel for more than a while now, just without a confirmation in between, there was never an "I love you", much less an " I’m sorry", but you two knew it, you cared for each other, and it would always be like that, no need for words.

But it was later that you really got to know the man you loved unconditionally.

You say “I don’t understand and i say, “I know you don’t”

“Love, you’ve been with that for a whole week, don’t you think it’s time to stop?” you said with no more than sweetness and care in your voice.

He didn’t say anything, not even look at you.

“I know that it’s important, but you haven't been eating, or sleeping well.” letting out a sigh, you tried to approach him. “I'm going out on a long mission tomorrow, you know, we could get dinner, or something.”

“I don’t understand how you could think that getting dinner is more important than this, and you should be working too, get out.” it was like he had put a wall between you two, ‘cause you didn’t dare to get closer than you were.

And it’s been like that for some time now, since the events of earth 1610, he’s been a workaholic, but you could take it, you always could.

“We thought a cure would come through in time..”

You’ve been out on this mission for almost three weeks, you missed your friends, missed Miguel, ‘cause maybe, just maybe, he was being himself again.

Of course not. When you arrived at the HQ, more specifically his office, the first thing you saw of him was a man yelling at a kid that a citizen was supposed to be dead, and the same fate was meeting the kid’s father.

The thing was, you didn’t really enjoy talking about canon events with Miguel, because you don’t like the term, in fact, you hate that he invented a word that justifies all the pain you, and everyone here, endured.

You wanted to do something, help Miles, but your thoughts were blurry, knowing that every decision you take from now on can change everything with Miguel.

“..now I fear it won’t.”

“Remember lookin’ at this room, we loved it ‘cause of the light.”

The chase after Miles already started, and you just stood there, while every other Spider-Man was trying to capture a kid.

You wanted to scream, most likely to the man who gave the order, but you had to stay on his side, right?

At least that was what your body wanted, ‘cause suddenly you were in the platform, the one where Miguel had brought you everytime you were injured, where you had your first kiss and the so many more that followed.

You didn’t even think about it, you started helping Miguel telling him where you saw Miles in the cameras, opening the path for him.

“Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time.”

This was the man you’ve fallen for? the one that was hitting a kid, telling him that he shouldn’t even exist? you knew part of his behavior was because of his feral instincts, but trying to justify this was making you sick.

You saw how Miles was running for his life, feeling betrayed by his own people, hurting like hell just wanting to come home to his parents, that’s when it hit you, you couldn’t do this.

He reached the machine that would send him “home”, you could hear your lover yelling at you from the ear piece that you two shared “Shut it off! Come on!”.

“Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?”

Your thoughts were colliding in your mind, the typical “my heart wants something but my brain another” line sounding everywhere.

But time took the choice for you, Miles was already gone and you didn’t do anything to stop it, nothing came from the other side of the communicator, but you’ve never heard a silence quite this loud.

The fear that you were experiencing right now was almost unrecognizable. almost.

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes”

It was the same fear that you had the day he found you.

Like every other spider person, you had been through a lot, but it came to a point where your family didn’t acknowledge you anymore, the only friend you had died because of you.

So, you’ve always known you were a failure, thinking about it now, maybe the relationship you’ve built with Miguel it’s just because he was the first person that didn’t see you as one.

It was hard at first, learning that everytime your parents insulted you, all the times that you were punished by them, all they took from you, all that was supposed to happen, hell, it had to be like that.

With time, and with Miguel by your side, you grew comfortable in your position, you could stay with him forever, just like he promised all the times you crawled to him after a bad day or a bad memory. forever, right?

“You might just have dealt the final blow.”

You were facing each other, he was always taller than you, but right now, you feel like the smallest thing in the world, you’ve known this feeling, and you don’t want that to happen with him.

But it was too late to want and not want things.

“Why didn't you do it? It was a simple button.” his voice was raspy, probably from all the yelling before, but he’s being cautious with you, the feeling in your stomach confirms it.

“I didn’t think like it was the right thing.” you didn’t tremble, he knows that you need him, but he also knows the woman you are.

“What?” that was it.

Silence, it could have been just seconds, but it feels like eternity to you, maybe because eternity was beautiful in your eyes, and what he started to say, definitely not.

“It’s incredible how after all this time, all of the effort I put on you, you show up to be just a disappointment, i don’t care what you think.”

“Stop.” he didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

“No, you dont get for me to stop, I've always been there for you, I saved you again and again for you to turn your back on me? really?” you could feel the anger in his voice.

“Miguel, it's not like that, stop.” a little steps to get closer, you needed him closer.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

“It is like that, it's always like that, you always fail and let me down, you don’t care about the real things because you’re stuck to keep suffering for some stupid thing that happened to you years ago, i'm tired of you being a nuisance to me.”

“My heart won’t start anymore..”

“What?” now it was your turn, without letting the tears take over your face. “I’m a nuisance? And what about you? the only thing you’ve been doing is watching on that little screen something that you could never have again, holding on to the memory of your mistakes, jealous that a kid can know beforehand and actually do something about it!” you know you don’t mean this, you know his suffering, but this was just too much.

“What I do is my business, but you work for me, you have to do what I say.” his tone wasn’t cautious anymore, his words were as thin as a dagger, was it always like that for him?

“I don’t work for you, i’m your-” he cut you off, almost instantly.

“You’re nothing to me.” he didn’t look at you when he said that.

“..for you.”

“What are you gonna do to that kid?” your voice was kinda broken, but you glared at him with storms in your eyes.

“Whatever is necessary to avoid him destroying a whole universe.”

“And the air is thick with loss and indecision.”

“Then I'm gone.” you turned away, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t look back.

He didn’t care if you were gone, he was letting you go just this easy, when your whole body was screaming at you that you should crawl to him, beg for his care and for his love, like you always did.

“Now you’re running down the hallway, and you know what they all say..”

That night, Miguel went to his room, that was yours too, expecting to find you a crying mess, it was always like that, you two had argued before, and he knows that he can fix this, by fixing you.

Opposite of his imagination, you weren’t there, all that was left was all your stuff, the clothes that he loved seeing you wearing, the gifts that he made, the ones that you made, all of it was there, but not you.

He forgot what fear was like, until he saw the little note you had left behind for him.

“i love you.”

It was the first time that one of you “said” that, and he hated it, hated his vulnerability, hated the short tear that was crossing his jaw now, but mostly, he hated you, for making him feel all of this and being gone.

“You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”

“My heart won’t start anymore (‘cause you’re losing me).”

It had been three months now, you were helping Miles and his band, they were your friends now and they cared for you.

Mostly Gwen, you talked to her a lot, and she’s been helping you with your feelings.

You were miserable, you hated this so much, hated him so much.

The truth was that you were dying to go with him, you were so attached that it was completely painful, and you were fighting with yourself every day.

Because not matter how much you loved Miguel, you were on your own now, and you had the right to think and act for yourself, so if that means you have to be against him, even fight him, then you were going to do it.

That was what you said to yourself, but when the moment came, when all of your friends were fighting against the corporation you helped build, when the love of your life was in front of you, claws and teeth out, you were paralyzed.

“‘Til we were too far gone to bring back to life”

He was getting closer and closer, and some part of you was hoping that this was the man that didn’t even need words for you to know he loved you, the man that you would give up on your life from, you would do anything or everything for the things to go back to how they were.

“I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy.”

And that thought alone bothered you, why would you do everything for a man that was about to kill you if necessary? you were done with this.

You threw the first punch, as it was unexpected, he didn’t block it at all.

“And all I did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier.”

“I’m not afraid of you.” your voice didn’t come off as he expected, you weren’t fragile anymore.

And so it began, he was a fighter and he wasn’t containing, you were hurt but you didn’t stop,for now you were blocking his claws and pushing him towards a kind of factory in the city, the farther away he was from Miles, the better.

“You’re not gonna kill a child Miguel, I'm not letting you.” he didn’t even care to respond, god how you hated that he wasn’t giving any signal of regret in all of this.

“You can still come with us, with me, you know?” of all the things he could’ve said, he chose that.

“Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me.”

You didn’t respond, he kept talking.

“You are my best soldier, come on.” you were under him, he could finish this right now, you were bleeding and sore, he was too.

“I’m the best thing at this party (you’re losing me).”

The only reason you couldn’t hate him was the memories of what you had, but that, the attitude that he has on top of you, like your life was only in his hand, that he was portraying himself as your forever savior, you were boiling with rage.

You moved as fast as you could, pushing him off of you with the studies you had collected of fighting beside him, now you were on top, hitting at him with blood nubling your “pretty eyes” as he called them.

With that, he understood there was not a turning the situation, this was it, this is how it’s gonna end.

He grabbed you with all his strength and started shoving your body against the columns in the old fabric, along with this, he was telling you how disappointed he was, villainizing you for leaving him alone.

You couldn’t hear due to the damage.

“And I'm fading thinking do something, babe, say something.”

Blow comes, blow goes, you weren’t thinking of what you were doing, you were so mad that he wasn’t saying something, that he prefers this before taking the risk of believing in you.

“I hate you.” you thought about every time, how he manipulated you, how he controlled every feeling and idea in your head, and you hated how much you would love to stop this and go back to that.

“Lose something babe, risk something.”

He wasn’t fighting back anymore, the floor was cold and every punch that touched his skin made him feel warm.

He was regretting everything, he didn’t care about Miles now, he didn’t care about another universe anymore, he only cared about you, the universe of his own.

“I did everything for you, I would've died only for you, I would've even killed Miles for you, and I think I would still do it if you just choose me!”

You were letting it all out, not even listening to the voice of the man under you.

“Choose something, babe, i got nothing to believe, unless you’re choosing me.”

You were tired, couldn’t throw anymore hits, and that’s when you noticed, he was barely breathing under you, mumbling some words that you haven’t heard.

Your body didn’t move, you freezed.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

Miguel used his last strength to clean some of the tears that were traveling down your cheek, you could now hear what he was saying.

“I’m so sorry, amor.” it’s the first time you’ve seen a genuine smile.

“Stop, stop, stop.”

You know there was nothing to be done, and no one could help right now, it was just you and him like it was in the beginning.

“I love you.” you whispered to him, grabbing his hand.

“I love you too.” he closed his eyes.

“I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.”

#writing #spiderm #across the spider verse spoilers #across the spiderverse #miguel o ' hara #miguel o hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o hara x you #miguel o hara angst #angst #songifc #taylor swift #youre losing me #sataraxia #spiderverse #spiderman 2099 x reader #hard angst #writers on tumblr

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1800kfics · 3 months ago

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so let's go see the stars

wk: 3k

TW: mental illness, manic episode, use of medication. might be hard to read for some, pls make sure you're in the right headspace before proceeding :)

song: plug me in - lil soda boi

Kim Donghyun. Your sky blue, your peach pink, your crimson purple.

You pull your knees to your chest to make room for Leehan in the windowsill nook. The two of you loved people watching from your apartment window. It was your favorite activity to do together.

“My new medication has been making me nauseous and giving me the worst headaches. Doctor said this one wouldn’t do that.” You complain with a huff. Leehan has always been an amazing listener. He always heard you out and never complained about his own problems. Everyone needs someone like him in their life, you think to yourself.

“It must be too strong. Tearing up your body from the inside. Stop taking it, missing one here and there won’t hurt.” He offers.

You sigh and bore a hole into the empty bench across the street. “I know it won’t, but the doctors lectured me when they found out I had started skipping. They were real serious – I hated it. They always try to make me feel like there’s something - something wrong with me.” You say. “How come you haven’t been coming around lately?” You add.

He looks at you and responds, “I don’t know. You just haven’t needed me lately.” He grabs the top of one of your knees and says, “Hot chocolate?”. Smiling, you simultaneously get up to make your way over to the kitchen.

You had known Leehan for what felt like forever. It might have been forever. You must’ve given him your apartment key ages ago, because you don’t even remember doing it. He’s been by your side through thick and thin.

Sometimes you wonder how he hasn’t gotten sick of you yet. He stays until you fall asleep, then quietly lets himself out. Sometimes you’ll wake up and see he’s already come back – like he never left. Sometimes, though, he’ll go MIA. No text or calls back, completely off the map. You’ve learned not to take it personally, and figure he needs his alone time as much as everyone else.

He doesn’t seem to have any other friends, which he doesn’t seem to mind. You don’t have that many friends either. You don’t think your parents like him though. Everytime you brought him up in your formative years you saw their eyebrows furrow, like they were holding something back. You wondered what rubbed them the wrong way about him, he’s never done anything to offend.

Leehan always has your back. He’ll hype you up when you need motivation and comfort you when all you need is a shoulder to cry on. But most importantly, he understands you. He made you realize that it’s okay not to be okay. When the meds fogged up your brain, he helped you work up the courage to stop taking them. When you couldn’t manage to go outside, he kept you company inside. He helped you wash your hair in the sink when getting in the shower seemed like an impossible task. Leehan has and will always be there for you.

Leehan made you think deeper about things. One night, he and you lay in bed together, enveloped in a comfortable silence. He sat up and scooted closer to you. You noticed and diverted your attention to him. He stared at you for a few seconds, then put his hand over your lower left rib cage. "Fear," he said. Confused, you cock your eyebrow but let him continue. He moves his hand up to your heart and makes eye contact with you, "joy." As he moves a little to the left to your sternum he scrunches his face and says "anger." He then trails his hand up to your jaw, lingering on your neck for a few seconds, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. "Sadness" he says. After this, he retracted his hand all together and let himself fall onto the pillow next to you.

After coming home from a doctor’s appointment in one day, Leehan ran up to greet you. “How did it go?” He asked.

“Not the best.” You respond, setting your bags down on the kitchen counter. He picks up a small paper bag and shakes it. It lets out a rattle. “More pills?” He assumes disapprovingly. You nod your head.

“What, you’re just going to let them control you like this? You said it yourself, you can’t get anything done on these stupid pills. And the side effects – I can’t bear to see you in pain. They’re not worth it.” He reproaches.

“I know. I agree. But you know it… it gets bad when I’m not on something. I have to keep trying until one of them works.” You counter.

He huffs and puts the bag back on the counter. “Not with this bullshit. Find another solution. Truthfully, I don’t come around that often when you’re on meds because I can’t stand being around someone I don’t know. You change when you’re under their spell.” With that, he storms off.

You’re surprised and a little upset at the very least. He never gets mad at you. The last thing you want is to drive away the only person who’s stuck around. You stand with a hand on the counter for a moment to compose yourself.

When you finally gather up the courage to go speak to him, you find him at the window nook. You stand in front of him and he looks up at you. You start, “I’m sorry. I know it’s annoying and unfair for you to have to keep up with all my mood swings and problems. I’m sorry you have to deal with me at all. That being said, you’re all I have. I’d rather spend time with you than have you not recognize me when I’m taking some medication. I choose you.”

Not knowing what to do after that declaration, you looked to the side sheepishly. Silently, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pressed his head against your stomach, pulling you closer in the process. You wrapped your hands gently around his head, fiddling with his long hair in the process. You loved this. You loved him, and wouldn’t trade him for the world.

A few days and an annoying phone call later, you sigh and leave the comfort of your bed to go find Leehan. You see him on the couch, reading the book he had most recently brought home.

“I just got off the phone with Sophia, you remember I told you about her? My friend from high school.” You start. He nods, and you continue. “She’s asking why she hasn’t met you yet.” He shifts uncomfortably. “What did you tell her?” He asks.

“I just told her because you’re busy and a bit introverted. She doesn’t need to know that you basically live here.” You say, making your way over to the couch and plopping next to him.

“Good, thanks.” He says. “As we both know, I’m not really a people person. Besides you, of course.” He says, face illuminated with a smile. You immediately felt warmth grow in your chest. Seeing him smile felt like winning a prize at an arcade, like the smell of jasmine. You never wanted to lose him.

One night, it got particularly bad. You had been up for at least 24 hours, full of energy. You paced back and forth behind the couch where Leehan was sitting, thoughts racing 100mph. Leehan notices how antsy you are, and intervenes, “What’s wrong?”

Heart pounding, you try to respond. “I don’t know, I just, I feel so helpless. I have so many ideas but I’m too useless to do any of them. Why don’t I always have this sort of motivation? It’s burning inside of me.” You grab a fistful of your oversized shirt and pull it out and in to fan yourself lightly.

“Do you want some water? I can grab you a glass.” He asks, feet already moving towards the fridge.

Unable to properly respond, you just let your feet guide you over to the kitchen. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, you decide that you need to shower instead. “Shower!” You yell over your shoulder, already halfway to the bathroom by the time Leehan registers where you’re going.

The shower is refreshing, but mid-shampoo, the buzzing feeling in your heart seems to shift. It feels heavier, uglier. You slowly drop your hands, letting them swing to a still at your sides. You don’t feel so good anymore, about anything. Everything felt a horrible shade of brownish green and the taste of lemon lime gatorade.

20 minutes pass, and Leehan decides to check up on you. With a soft knock on the door, he says, “Hey, you alright in there?”. Ear pressed against the door but still not hearing any response but the running water, he knocks again, calling your name.

Now it’s his turn to pace. Finally deciding, he turns back towards the door and says a bit louder this time, “I’m coming in!” Hand shaking a bit, he grabs the door handle firmly and opens it.

When he gets inside he sees you curled up on the floor of the shower. He grabs a towel and rushes to open the door. You don’t seem to mind – or even fully acknowledge his presence. He tries his best to wrap you in the towel and slumps on the wet ground next to you. The last thing he’s worried about is his clothes.

He grabs the bottom of his face and guides it to face his own. “Breath, breath. What’s happening?” He asks.

Sobs racking your body and hot tears streaming down your face, you (unsuccessfully) try to pull yourself together. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why everything is so hard. Why is everything so hard? Why can I not fucking do anything? What’s wrong with me?” You babble.

He quickly pulls you impossibly closer to him, legs clanging against each other and your head on his chest, his chin resting atop it. He tries his best to sooth you, hands stroking your wet hair.

“You’ll get through this. I won’t leave until you do. I promise.” He says assuringly.

All you could do was sob into his chest for what felt like hours.

He didn’t leave.

You slept for most of the day, woken only by the ring of your phone. You both woke up in a haze, stiff from sleeping upright on the bathroom floor. You reach to the counter to grab your phone. It’s Sophia. You call her back.

“Hey! Where have you been?” Her voice stings your ear. “I, uh, I slept in.” You reply. “Until 4pm? God, okay, well, have you read any of my texts? I’m in the neighborhood so I thought I’d stop by. I’ll be there in 5.” She says all at once. “Okay, I – okay. See you then.” Instead of arguing, you decide you’d use the few minutes to make yourself look presentable.

Once you hang up, you tell Leehan about Sophia. “She’s coming over in a few minutes. I didn’t really have a choice, believe me.” You say, going to your room to get changed.

When she arrives, you let her in with a fake smile. She wraps you in a half-returned hug. “Didn’t you say you just woke up? You look exhausted.” She says with a grimace.

Did she come here just to insult me? You wonder, annoyed by her blunt comment. Brushing it off, you retort, “I didn’t sleep very well to be honest. Can I get you anything to drink?”

After a somewhat pleasant visit surrounding small talk of where Sophia’s moved since high school and what your lives have been like the past few years, it seems like she’s finally finished with her stop by. Walking to the door, Sophia quips, “You know, I was sure I was going to catch that Leehan boy here. You always mention him but never offer to introduce us. Is he really that shy?”

Thinking that this might be the right time for Leehan to meet someone else from your life, meaningful or not, you respond. “Actually he is here! Let me go get him. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” As you go to find him, she mumbles under her breath. “He’s here and he didn’t even come out? How rude. I don’t know why she hangs around that guy.”

Oddly enough, you search all the rooms in the apartment to no avail. Leehan isn’t there. With a frown on your face, you go back to the entrance of the apartment to try to explain yourself.

“He actually um, he must’ve left while I was changing. He really is that shy.” You say with a light chuckle, in an attempt to make the situation less weird.

Sophia nervously laughs. “Okay, okay. Maybe another time then. Also, are you taking your meds?”

Your heart jumps at her question. “How… How do you know I’m on meds?” You inquire.

She shifts her weight a bit with a pause, looking as if she’s carefully choosing her words. “I bumped into your parents recently when visiting home and, you know how your mom is…” She says.

A sting of betrayal sparks in your heart. “Did she ask you to ask me about the meds? Does she not think I’m taking them? Actually no, I’m not going to discuss this with you.” You extend your arm past her to open the door, insinuating that she needs to take her leave.

All of a sudden, Sophia grabs your shoulder. “Please, your mom is worried about you. Both of them are. I am. Can you just take your medication for us?” You screw your face up at her sudden request.

“Sophia, I’m really fine. I can manage without them. They don’t make me feel good, do you understand? Plus, I have Leehan-” You begin to express, being cut off abruptly.

“That’s just it though! You’re not! You sleep all day, don’t respond for days, and your only friend is someone no one else has ever met! You’re not fine! There is something wrong and you are scaring us.” She outbursts.

You’re in shock for a moment. “You don’t care about me. You never did. You’re just a henchman for my parents.” You shake her hand off your shoulder and it falls back to her side, defeated. The look in her eye turns from concerned to blank. Her fallen hand goes to clutch the strap of her bag. “Okay. Good luck then.” She says, turning and opening the door in one motion. She leaves without another word.

Even though you didn’t appreciate Sophia’s visit, it held a little more weight to know that your parents were involved. They were concerned, scared for you?

That evening, you thought about this standing by the kitchen counter with the new medication in front of you.

All of a sudden, Leehan walks in. He sees you and walks over to you, patting your head like a puppy. You beam up at him, the first time you’ve smiled all day. “How are you feeling?” He says, taking off his jacket and draping it over the closest chair. “Utterly and completely exhausted.” You respond honestly.

You turn to face him directly. “Hey, I think I might give this new medication a chance.” You say. His eyebrows knit almost immediately. “After everything they’ve done to you so far? Really? They practically make you a zombie.” He says.

You move to grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it halfway with water. “Yes, after everything. I can’t afford to go through last night over and over again. I can’t handle it.” You say.

He goes silent. Too silent. “What are you thinking?” You ask. It takes him a few heartbeats to respond, but when he does, you wish you never asked.

“How do you think I feel?” “What?” “How do you think I feel? I’m by your side through all of this. You don’t think I’m sick of it too? This is just as much my battle as it is yours. You… you couldn’t do any of it without me. You need me. These pills, they just make you some brainless loser. Those ideas and dreams you have sometimes? You won’t be able to achieve any of them on those damn pills, I can guarantee you that.” He says.

Your jaw tightens at the shocking and harsh comments he just made. It turns to anger in your heart. “What, are you trying to control me too? Is that it? If you feel so burdened by me then why don’t you go and leave me too? You are by no means obligated to stay here with some brainless loser.” You angrily swipe the pill bottle from the counter and shake out a pill. You toss it in your mouth without and drink from your glass without hesitation, looking him in the eye while you do it. You felt like you could see his resolve break through his eyes, and your jaw tightened with sadness again.

You left for your room. You got in bed and immediately burst out in tears. You left the door open, though. With Leehan, an open door meant the other could come in, even if you weren’t in the best of moods.

After a minute, Leehan slinked in. He silently climbed into bed with you. Instinctively, you put your head against his chest and continued to cry. What you didn’t expect was for him to start shuddering. You open your eyes to see tears coming out of Leehan’s eyes. The look on his face brought you so much anguish. His shade wilted to a dull ash and it broke your heart.

You sit up and try to wrap your hands around him for once. Still crying, he says, “I just… I don’t want to lose what I have. Don’t let them take you away from me. Please. I need you in my life. I can’t live without you. Please let me stay.”

You hold him close until you both fall asleep, just like he’s done for you time after time. When you wake, you see that Leehan has already woken up. After you fully wake up, you return to your room. You sit on the window nook, legs to your chest to make room for Leehan out of habit. He’ll turn up soon, you think to yourself.

He never does.

hi guys! this is unedited so i apologize for any mistakes :,) wrote it in the spur of the moment, i hope u enjoy! also i realized how little works there are for the bonedo community to i'm officially joining the forces 🫡

p.s. i got inspo from the forest fic…

#leehan #leehan x reader #leehan angst #boynextdoor leehan #boynextdoor #boynextdoor x reader #boynextdoor angst

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honeythekidsarealright · 4 months ago

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Hiiii. I lately realized that I'm bi. A girl in my college was my gay-awakening. We only have one same subject every other semester. She's sweet. She sings and plays a handful of instruments [I stalked her youtube😭].

It all started when I seemed to notice her in that class and that we made an eye contact everytime we were in the same room. I rarely look people in the eye but when I felt her eyes, I just glanced for a mini-second too. She was just acknowledging me and so I acknowledged her right back. This happened a year ago [2nd sem]. I passed it off as a mere "curiosity" and guys and gays, IT IS NEVER CURIOSITY.

Now in the 4th SEM, I forgot it all but I would recognize and highlight her out of the crowd whenever I'd pass my her in a corridoor. I only saw her once in the class for the 4th sem, cause I bunked a lot of it, where we again made an eye-contact. And a few days later, out of the blue, it dawned upon me when I found myself waiting for yet another eye-contact. And I realize that I may have been suppressing all of it.

Now how do I approach her?I know she's sweet but she seems unapproachable to me [im not friends with her friends. They are not the kind of people I would be friends with or maybe I would Idk cause I never make friends. Plus she's cool]. I think that she'll get angry once she learns of my crush idk why i think that [I've always thought so about all my crushes] And also she belongs to the "cool" people group ya know the fun ones. I, on the other hand, don't belong to any group though there are a couple folks I spend my time with. I'm rather introverted (atleast until you get to know me which most people don't because I'm too closed off and apparently have an rbf).

I cannot believe we managed to exist in the same age, same side of the world, hell the same darn college and yet I feel so far away, flung into a different plane of existence, like I can never feel her heart beat against mine or her fingers intertwined in mine like I cannot hold her when all that I want is to hold her, to hold her so close I can feel her blood run through her veins and her tumultuous breath against my ear.

hi! honestly, my advice to you would be to just talk to her. from your ask, i've gathered that you guys share a class together, and that is the perfect opportunity, in my opinion, to strike up a conversation with her and get to know her. i know it might be scary, especially because you'll be stepping out of your comfort zone a bit, but you'll never know if she's interested in you if all you do is admire her from a distance (remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take). it's clear that she's noticed you almost as much as you've noticed her, and like you said, even though you don't know her friends, she seems like a sweet person.... so go for it. don't let the fear of rejection stop you from experiencing something that could be great.

i hope i've been able to help, even if it's just a little bit, and if you have any follow-ups, feel free to leave another ask. good luck :)

#asks #anon ask

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youremyheaven · 2 months ago

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I don't know if you remember but a while ago I sent an ask talking about how as a ketuvian I've always felt rejected and that's why I close myself off to people ? Anyway that's was a whileee ago.

But now that I'm in university, I just feel so alone, I've always had friends right but I never ever had a close friend, a confident you know ? And now I just feel like seeing everybody spend time with their group of friends I feel like I missing out.

When I try to make friends at my uni they are never what I expect and it never goes far, ( I fear that I appear as clingy) I just never meet anybody that fits me also I am in my rahu/Venus antardasha so I just feel so obsessed with establishing socials connections which feels very weird for me as a ketuvian and I just feel lost like I want to get this idea out of my head however I can't and everytime I get a friend they just start at one point expressing animosity towards me like 😐 why you're jealous I tought we were twinning?? I just feel so lost and exploited like I try to give out love but it is never matched so I was wondering if you would like to give a piece of advice or some insight on how should I stop the FOMO ? 👉👈🥺

I'm so glad you're back 💓

sorry babe i havent checked my asks in a few months so i must have missed it 💀💀

honestly babe, not everybody has genuine, healthy, meaningful friendships. i say this as someone who knows a lot of people and hangs out with a lot of people. all the people with these vast friend groups and besties they hang out with every day lowkey have all kinds of issues with them and THATS OKAY. we seldom get a realistic perspective on it.

most friendships are complicated if not superficial. the secret to healthy friendships are keeping boundaries.

OBVIOUSLY now there are genuinely good people in this world and good friendships can be formed with them but its all about timing. ive gone yearrrs of my life without having close friends :(((

now i want you to write down what exactly you're looking for in a friend:

is it someone to confide in? someone to have deep chats with? someone who will give you emotional support??

is it someone to hang out and do fun stuff with??

is it a combination of the two??

ideally, it should be possible to have a combo of the two but FRANKLY speaking, in this economy, you can have chill friends you hangout with occasionally (you dont talk to them everyday, you dont really have personal convos etc etc) or you can have a few friends who you can get super personal with

now considering how you've just started uni, your emotional needs are going to be very different from that of a woman in her mid 20s (aka me) for me, i dont really need to share much ?? with anyone?? but i do have people in my life that i can talk to if i need to?? but mostly we all just do our job and then chill and thats just adulthood

university is a whole different ballgame and i understand how isolating it can be without friends :(( 🥺🥺

but honestly its better to be alone than it is to be surrounded by fake asf friends 💀💀so dont worry about that

my university years were horrible because of toxic friendships. i felt alone through most of it and im sooo glad its over. i wish i had a fun uni experience to speak of but :// it is what it is and since it was covid era, not many people my age have a fun uni exp to speak of either so i didnt feel like im missing out on much

ANYWAAYYYS thats enough about me

about FOMO,

its just a part of life. we're all going to feel left out/excluded/left behind etc etc but tbh its not really fun if you aren't there experiencing it yourself. idk if that makes sense??? but like suppose you went to that party that you see all over your friends IG stories, once you're there you'll realise its nothing much, its just some drinks, disco lights, awkward people, pretentious wannabes and ppl with zero personality trying to impress each other. nothing is ever as fun as you see on instagram. so you're not really missing out on much. also company matters a great deal, if you go to fun places with lame asf/ boring/rude/ vibe unmatched people then youll ruin a good thing for yourself!!!

ive been asked to go to goa (its like the ibiza of india for the non desis) with like 3 different friend groups and ive declined them all bc while it sounds fun in theory (dropping acid at a rave) i dont think ill enjoy myself as much bc idrc about those ppl

life is only fun if we MAKE it fun. whenever you feel left out, just remind yourself "i probably wouldnt have enjoyed it any way" ORRRR "i wasnt there so it couldnt have been that much fun" (if youre delulu like me)

another major factor behind fomo is self comparison

i dont open IG, i dont see those stories. idgaf what other ppl are upto. if youre going to see coldplay, good for you. if you're going to iceland. good for you. IDC. i stay in my lane. i focus on myself. i get my shit done and try to check off my boxes.

let them have fun now. your turn WILL COME. and it will be amazinggg <333

just think of this as an era where you're sowing the seeds. learn to enjoy your own company. do things alone. get new hobbies. go on dates.

and there will come a different era which i call HARVEST SZN 😎😎😎where you can harvest the seeds you have sown now and have a blast

nothing is forever in life. spring follows winter. thats the rule of nature. so honestly just keep going.

dont be afraid of missing out because youre not missing out on anything that you would actually enjoy. bc the things that are actually for you, you can never miss out on??? if that makes sense???

idk if this helps 😭😭😭

but youre so smol and so precious. pls take care!!! dont fall into bad habits and dont waste these years by holding yourself back. do everything u want to do!!! and honestly try to get some kind of job. that will also keep u engaged and not leave u with any time to think <333 (welcome to capitalism, u cant have fomo if youre too tired to think 😍)

love,

heaven

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tryingtimi · 1 year ago

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Scribbles of The Soul: Missing you terribly

Yaran, Summer

Dawn time

You always liked to fiddle with my fingers.

It was something I only recognized when I grew older. From that point, it was as if I would have always been aware of it.

Everytime someone talked to you, you reached for my hand and absentmindedly played with it.

I still feel that ghostly touch on my skin.

There are times when that memory is my only comfort. Times when my soul feels too heavy in my chest and the one cure for it would be holding hands. Holding your hand.

Just one more time.

A thank you for asking about your health and well-being, as you wouldn’t have been on my mind all the time. A formal greeting, as if you were not knowing me through my whole life. A formal manner, as if we were mere acquaintances.

That is you, that’s what always been you.

Yet you told me everything —from the tiny details of your day, through your chirping about your beloved garden to your forbidden love in the past. You let me hold you, as if we were related. You raised me as if I was your own. Everything all I am now, is thanks to you.

And I’m not sure if I ever said thank you for it.

Perhaps I didn’t. I fear I didn’t.

I regret not being around as much as I could. I do. You’d assure me it is okay, that you’re happy I am visiting no matter the frequency. Still, I hope you allow me this shard of remorse sit with me for a little while.

Whenever someone mentions “beautiful people”, I think of you. Every beautiful person is an echo of you. Your mirror scattered around the universe.

I wish the world could know more of you.

I know you are out there somewhere, niele. You need to be, because you promised me. You promised me you’ll never be gone without saying goodbye.

Aren’t those the words of a sad, selfish child?

Well. I may be a child, but I am not sad, no. Not when I had the chance to know you. For when the world turns on me, and people seem to be the most vile creatures on earth; I remember you. That there are people like you somewhere, everywhere. That for them, it is not worth changing for the worst. That I can be one of them, even if just to keep your echo spreading.

And perhaps one day we’ll stumble upon each other again.

Until then, I’ll smile for you the way you did for me.

#Metalsea: Scribbles of The Soul #Avelyn Dione #writing community #writeblr #homesick and emo babygirl again #writing to Priestess Rheata #about Priestess Rheata #Metalsea diaries

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dianneslim · 1 year ago

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Tribute to new CPAs speech,

July 03, 2023.

(Blog bc im proud of this and it was a full circle moment 🙆🏽‍♀️)

I do not know what is so special about me that Miss Uy asked me to deliver this speech. I'm not the most brilliant in our batch, I never topped the pre-boards during my review with PRTC, let alone top the board exam. But she said "We want someone, a representative from USJR and kana nasad dili topnotcher" ahh to represent us, kanang confidence lang ang puhonan (hahaha) And also I think she knows na baga lang jud kog nawng. And true enough, confidence, I must say, is one big contributing factor that got me here. Because I have always felt that when you believe in yourself you'll be able to be so much more that what you aspired to be. However, in my case, my confidence “powers” doesn't only come from within. I owe it to the people around me who believed in me.

Allow me to take this moment to thank the people who has been with me to reach this remarkable point of my life.

First and foremost, to my family for they are the one who has always been there for me since day 1, thank you for the unwavering love and support, as always.

I'd also like to thank my batchmates, classmates and dear friends who have given me memories to hold until I grow old. Without you, my BSA journey wouldnt be as splendid as it was.

As someone who has been with the university for 16 wonderful years, you have given me some of my loudest cheers. I owe it to my USJR grade school, high school, and college josenian teachers and educators, faculty, and staff, who have molded me to be who I am today.

And of course, I'd also like to give a 100-star review to the USJR CPA Review center, that has always been amazing as ever. Headed by Miss Kristine June Uy, and his number 2, Sir Jekris, and to the dynamic staff Joyce, Fred, Pau, Ava, Sandra, and Mae, with special participation of Sir Amps and Kuya Nelson. In behalf of the Team PRTC Batch May 2023 & USJR Integrated Batch Adamas, we would like to sincerely thank you for everything that you do for the integrated students and for the reviewees. For staying with us in our 7am-9pm integrated and review classes, for sacrificing your holidays and weekends just to cater us. For providing us a review center that we can call our home. Because basically we're at the CPA library or at the rooms 12 or more hours a day and you have always made sure that we were provided with the facilities that we need. Can we all give them a round of applause???

And lastly, to my one and only God who have always been blessing me from above. From undergrad, to integrated class, up to my review, everytime i'd fear that I may fail, I would always remind myself that there is a God who will save me. He has saved us once, and he will save us once more, time and time again. His saving may come in a different form, even in forms that we least expect and in forms that we may not understand for now, but I trust that his saving grace will push me back up again and make me go on.

Without all of these people, I literally wouldn't have done it. Because they believed in me, that made me believed in myself.

Oftentimes during my review, inevitebly, I doubted that I may even pass the CPALE and I said to one of my most favorite teachers "Sir, kung magkinaunsa, i congrats gyapon ko ha for taking the exam" and he said one of the most memorable things that anyone has ever said to me, he told me (verbatim ha) "Dianne, just so you know, I believe in you. And at the very least I'd say, congrats for passing the exam." People who know me must know that I'm not used to people saying those kind of cheesy stuff to me but at that moment, I believed him and that helped me in so many ways to carry on with my review and even in the most draining days that I dont feel like studying, I'd remember those words.

Today my friends, I'd just like to put it out there that I do believe in you, I really do. I believe that you're gonna reach the cut-off grades, that you're gonna pass every qualifying exam, to Batch Edeosa — that you're gonna get through the integrated class, and ultimately, I believe that you will be a CPA. And to my co-CPAs, I do believe that you're gonna make it life. (And when you do, ay kog kalimti ha, Dianne Lim) Im not even gonna sugarcoat it, but brace yourselves because from now on it's gonna be tougher. Even to us CPAs, it's gonna be tougher than ever. But my prayers always always have been that may we have the courage to face whatever is to come, and i pray that we may have the strength to endure it all. I'd like to leave you with this thought "have a little faith because If you have come this far, then there must be something special in you."

Thank you everyone and Adelante!

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marslovesdaisies · 3 years ago

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Look what you made me do || P.S.H

Summary: Lin Iseul is a formidable woman. Born in a family considered royalty in the underside of Seoul and armed with intellect to match her reputation, she moves in the city controlling her family's deals and breaking suspects. But when a man from her past comes back to haunt her, it sets off a chain of events far too grand for her to comprehend. People that she had buried with her dead friend's ashes have come to life, and at the center of it all is the most feared man in the city, Park Seonghwa. Can Iseul escape the dead's longing calls while keeping her own emotions at bay, or will she be sucked back in time to relive the worst moments of her life?

Minors atleast pretend to not interact.

WC: 3.2k

Pairing: mafia!Seonghwa x mafia!OC

Warnings: Death, murder, violence, gaslighting, manipulation, mafia themes, weapons, angst, gore, eventual smut. I'm new at this lmk if I have missed anything.

A/N: This looked fun, if you have any feedback I am willing to listen. Also I am horrible at naming this and my beta reader was no help either, so if you can come up with a name I will give you my firstborn.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 1

I looked in the mirror once again.

It would have been unnecessary, I knew I looked nonthreatening enough. I had picked my clothes accordingly. I cannot take any chances, I thought. I ticked off my mental list of all the things I needed. Normal jeans and shirt, check. Moisturized skin, check. Details about the location, check. Information about the wimp, check. Red lipstick, check. Running boots, check. Gun. I looked at the black beauty lying on the dresser. Stuffing it under my jacket, I moved to the windows. Check.

I looked at my watch. 9:03pm.

The outline of Gangnam was something that always calmed me down, the floor to ceiling glass panels far too extravagant to showcase a modest view. But this city hadn't disappointed, not in the least. The lights were kind enough to reach me this high up, a canvas of florescent stars. I inhaled it's magic as much as the separation allowed me to, aligning my thoughts.

This wasn't meant to happen like this. Two years ago, I had made sure that it wouldn't. My memory served me well enough to remember the events, but a few details were sketchy. Still I was convinced that I hadn't forgotten something important, so I would be fine. Hopefully.

The wimp I was supposed to meet tonight wasn't exactly strong, and he wasn't very important. Two years ago he may have been, but he was supposed to be dead by now. Yet here he was, alive if not well. Annoyed at the potential sloppy job I may have done on him, I breathed a huffed sigh and gave my bedroom a once over before proceeding to move out.

Too many thoughts. I was having too many thoughts about this. Calm down, Iseul. I breathed once. twice. One more time.

The soles of my shoes were soft and silent on my carpet. The hallway was the same as always, the wall a pale cream shade of my mother's choosing. I switched off the lights as I went, not looking back. There was no need to, I thought with a wince. Nobody would be there anyway.

The main foyer could not have come soon enough. I hated passing the closed bedroom door on the way. It had been closed for a while, a fact that did not forget to strike me everytime I saw it.

I enjoyed living without my parents around, who lived in a bigger house further away. Mother had hated my moving out as much as I had expected her to. It was unnecessary for her, but necessary for me. And I had liked this penthouse. Bought it with my own money. She had called me arrogant then, but had taken up on my offer to decorate it nonetheless. The house reeked of her choices, and I wondered if it could have been a little different only if the door to the bedroom had been open a little longer, just enough. I shook my head and moved on. Now wasn't the time. The time was never going to come.

I took the stairs to the parking, and decided to walk to the location. I would think on the way to the house the moron had suggested. I smiled to myself, noticing my insults for him changed every minute.

I threw the jacket I had brought down in the backseat of my car. Now, to the task at hand. I checked my phone for the directions. A dilapidated house, previously in possession of Lee Jong In. The man himself was supposed to be dead for two years, but the house had not been passed on. His son was dead, wife had disappeared.

I should have noticed this before, I cursed. Father would kill me if he found out, and so would Jun. The signs had been there for two years. Too perfect to be accidental. The man had disappeared and I was the last one seen with him. Had everything gone according to plan, he would be found at the bottom of the river. I had specifically asked for it.

Still a month later he had been pronounced dead, body not found. Not a lot of noise had been made, people had expected him to die sooner or later.

Then the signs had started. I had heard rumours about people looking for a woman. Lee Jong In was a vile man, moving around Seoul picking up shady girls and making shadier deals. A freelance negotiator, he called himself. Him being missing had sent a message in the underworld, of which my family was an integral part. Most had ruled it as a deal gone awry, especially with secrets being let out so easily those days. It was when a particular spy had been very active. Jong In made deals with gangs and suppliers on behalf of other people, with an almost exorbitant commission for himself. But since he managed to make the deals to turn out to be the most profitable for his clients, the money he pocketed didn't look like a lot in the long run. He worked for anyone who was willing to pay, and had no qualms. A lot of people wanted him to get dirt on others, and more often than not he was the suspect behind leaked information. It was all false, of course. But not many people knew that. Jong In was loyal to his employers, and proud of the fact. Which was why he hadn't taken the accusations very well.

When he had gone missing, with the last person spotted to be a woman, people had assumed it to be a crime for revenge or saving face. Then his son had turned up dead three days later. He had been tortured, face bruised and swollen. He was missing patches of hair, a few nails and with a lot of internal bleeding. It was later informed that he was alive when he had suffered. The boy had been seventeen then. I winced at the thought. He had been innocent.

I reached the house he had specified, taking a look around. I knew it was trap. But I also knew the man who had set it wanted me to know that it was. It wasn't obvious, but the opposite. Far too elaborate to have been set up by one single person supposed to be dead for two years, and too remote and particular to have small, unorganized groups working together like it looked out to be.

I could see a few men at the entrance. The house itself was more of a barn, the living area minimum and the space used to make a miniature room to make deals unspotted. Too over the top. I calculated my chances. If I waited for the men, I would be searched. Weapons weren't an issue, but I did not want their hands on me. I wasn't planning on jumping in through the window either.

The area was remote. I couldn't help but think I had underestimated the situation. Surely Lee Jong In wouldn't be that active under the radar? I almost turned back. Called Jun, got backup. It was getting later than I wanted it to, but curiosity got the better of my judgement. I had to see who was so determined to set a trap especially for me. Not a lot of people knew what I did.

Sighing, I approached the door. The door must have been open if there were guards, so I walked straight ahead. The guards looked at me approaching, bracing themselves to talk to me but I moved past them and pushed the door. It swung in, just as I had expected it to. The guards may have said something but I didn't hear, choosing to move inside.

The man in question was sitting on a chair at the far end. Of course, I thought. The room was like any other closed room would be, unused and decaying. I took a few steps, and then stopped.

Something was wrong here.

I subtly looked around. The guards outside were unimportant clearly, the man at the far end hadn't so much as moved, and it was silent otherwise. Too silent. Thinking about it, Lee Jong In had his head falling to a side, like he was asleep. There were rafters above. Someone must be hiding there, I thought. The actual one in charge, who had set this trap. His men as well.

I checked my watch again. 9:47pm.

It was dark enough for the power players to come out. Why not have some fun then?

"Nice trap you've set here." I commented, walking to the almost lifeless Lee Jong In. My voice echoed in the hall harshly.

A soft groan, and movement of his head. So he was alive.

Something moved behind. The trap was being set in motion, I guessed. I halted a few steps behind the man. They must have wanted to catch a fly with all the nets they have hidden inside, I mused. I was confident there would be guns on the rafters, currently aimed at my head. Or knee, depending on their intentions. Two could play a game though, and I was more than willing.

"Lee, tell me. How did the water taste from Han river?"

The chair moved around, and I could finally see the man resting on it. I knew what to expect, but it still made me smile coldly. His eyes opened, trying to adjust to the light around. He blinked a few times, and finally seemed to register me. I could pinpoint the exact moment he recognized who I was, and his face contorted in pure rage. "You witch. You fucking witch, you're dead. You understand? Fucking dead." His voice was raspy, broken and coarse. He had likely been screaming. I couldn't shake off the parallel it brought back, with the younger Lee boy two years ago.

The man was tied to the chair. That explained the lack of movement. He was an old man, in his fifties. He looked haggard, stubble growing and eyes swollen. He had been beaten up worse than I had initially thought. The bruises were almost gone, but the ghosts remained. He looked at me with pure venom.

Something was even more wrong.

Perhaps I had been too cocky. I hadn't told anyone I was coming here, and my car was back at my penthouse. This ruined any chances of an immediate escape. A slight cold settled in my stomach. This could very easily blow up in my face. I took a deep breath once more.

"You look better than you did two years ago, Lee."

His eyes shone with the memory I was referring to, and another bout of rage gripped him.

"You witch, you did this. Didn't feel satisfaction with almost killing me for a wench?" A cruel laugh, interrupted by wild coughing. He must have a dry throat. "You know Lee, I do want to know why you think I am magical enough to be labelled a witch." I looked at his state, and then his face. "But I did not do anything."

He tried to hold my gaze but doubled over again, coughing what looked like blood. "Don't act so saintly, I had done nothing to you. You sent those men after me, yo-you...." What was he on about? We clearly weren't on the same page. I remembered the men outside. They hadn't so much as blinked at me. One had tried to say something but I hadn't paid attention. An idea began to form in my head. Had they beaten him up thinking I had hired them for it? Slight discomfort was beginning to form in my gut. I didn't like this situation. This was a better trap than I had anticipated. There were people using my name around. I had to get out, but I was sure my chances getting slim.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket to call Jun. Keeping one eye on Lee who was blabbering something, I dialed the number of my cousin.

After the third time, I realized that he wouldn't be picking up. The reception wasn't that good either. I shot him an emergency message with the address to the location, and pocketed the device.

I looked at the insolent brat in front. "Why did you come back." He didn't respond. My patience was wearing thin, and I wanted to get out fast.

"Who asked you to come back??" He spit more blood, this time intentional. "You can hardly breathe, Lee but you still want to act difficult." I seethed. "Doesn't harm you much to listen to me now, so start fucking speaking."

He smiled at my tone. Probably knew I was getting unsure, the audacity. I grabbed his head, forcing his face to focus on mine. I was beginning to lose my temper. "ANSWER ME YOU DIMWIT!" He looked like he was planning to spit again, but I was quicker. A hard strike across his cheek. His head went flying left, the chair moving a little. I held his face once more. My fingers were visible imprinted on his right cheek, and my ring had carved a bloody slash across the bruises. He groaned without holding back. Must have hurt, I had hit him where the swelling was worse. I could see tears in his eyes. I pushed the small feeling of satisfaction at the back of my mind and asked him the same questions again, with no answer from him to my annoyance. He didn't look like he was fully processing his surroundings, probably was hallucinating. What was he so adamant for anyway?

I needed to change tactics to get him talking, and I needed them fast. I exhaled slowly and gave him a thorough look, assessing his situation.

"You know, your son was far more vocal than you are. Kid broke like a stick, whined all the way to his grave." He stiffened, as I had expected. I knew his son. His death had been a mess. "You don't know what you have done, bitch. I-" a splutter of blood. He must have a beaten lung or something. "-I " God I had missed this. Breaking people when they were down. They looked so helpless, they spewed empty threats, and loaded secrets. My blood was singing. This would have been interesting some other day, but I did not have much time.

I yanked his hair a little more harshly, deciding to press harder.

"Come on Lee, speak up now. The son was better, you know. Cried like a baby for his father to come save him and begged for his life. Told me everything I wanted to know, and I let him out."

"Don't speak about him, you witch." He managed to grit out in a threatening tone. Another illogical response, I noted. What was happening?

"Does it pain daddy so much? To know that his little boy screamed for him to save him while daddy was drunk, passed out on some whore's lap?"

He paled. I had hit the right spot.

"He did, you know. The boy who hated you so much wailed for you like a wounded dog. It was a pitiful sight," I shook my head, breathing in once, long and deep. I gripped his hair harder, and he whimpered. "his face was swollen and you could see how he looked nothing like your wife. She left you, didn't she?"

A hysterical sob gripped him. He was close. Close to breaking. His sanity was singing to me, begging to be shattered. One more blow. One more blow and he would be gone. "Come on now, Lee. Changie must expect better from his father. Tell me who brought you back," I went closer to his ear, a gentle whisper meant only for him. "tell me, and I'll tell you your son's last words."

And moments later when I finally heard a sound, it wasn't Lee Jong In who was openly weeping but a voice from behind me, one I had heard before. Many times, as I had spied on his men, broken them for information, broken them for fun. A terrible man working for an even more terrifying man. My blood ran cold as his voice echoed,

"I did."

A few seconds went in silence, before I felt a cold object at my head.

My body moved on its own, fight or flight instincts kicking in. I could feel everything in slow motion, a gun slowly being pressed to my skull as I tried to whirl and twist away from the barrel.

"Don't move." This was a different voice.

I didn't pay attention, trying to get myself in a better position when a leg kicked me hard enough to lose balance and fall. Two hands grabbed mine quickly, and struggling wasn't of much use.

I could still sense eyes on me from afar. Someone else was watching.

Lee was still sobbing, saying something, pointing at me. People were getting him out of the binds, dragging him to some dark corner. He wasn't my problem now, I had a bigger mess. I knew it had been a trap, but I hadn't expected these people to be involved. Fuck, only my phone was traceable. Once switched off, it would mean nothing.

Too many thoughts again. I had too many thoughts to think clearly.

Someone gripped my hands and yanked me up, not very gently. I collided with his chest, and expensive cologne wafted into my nostrils. "Now now, darling Iseul. Lets not get roughed up now. There isn't much you can do anyway." I tried to tug at his hands to loosen his grip, but he only held them tighter. I stilled a little, gathered my breath. Before he could open his mouth again, I intertwined my left leg with his right and yanked hard. He fell, not expecting the move but dragged me down with him.

A loud thud could be heard, but he rolled on top quickly. I opened my eyes to be face to face with Bang Jae Min, a high ranking member of Ateez. "Why are you here." I managed to grit out. A gentle laugh from his side. "Come on, Iseul. Stop struggling. I am sure Seonghwa would like to pay his regards to you in person."

I stilled. This was the worst case scenario. If Park Seonghwa was the one behind all of this, I was in a huge, huge mess. I already regretted coming here. I had been too confident. If Jaemin was here, it could only mean trouble. Jaemin whispered in the ears of Ateez's eight constantly. His influence was significant. And he represented the will of Park Seonghwa. A powerful, powerful man. Cold dread and horrible sweat was the last thing I felt as a needle pricked my neck and I collapsed in Jaemin's hold.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

A/N: I really don't know what I was thinking doing this, but if you read this and would like to continue, make sure you tell me about it. I'll probably add warnings later, I am so new to this I still need to figure out half the stuff myself. Happy reading!

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etherealino · 3 years ago

Text

fake dating, skz.

ot8 scenario.

content/warning(s): fake dating au, just small scenarios. some are idolverse, some aren’t. swearing, hating on jype, nagging mother. tell me if i missed something!

note: i might do full length fics for each babies. what do u guys think?

chan. —

the one where he’s being pestered by his best friend to bring a plus one to his best friend’s wedding and it can’t be a random person but someone he’s actually dating.

minho looks at chan who just whines. “please?” minho says which is unusually gentle than his nagging teasing tone. “it’s been years and i think it’s time for you to finally go back to dating.”

“i will bring someone, i promise.” chan says, smiling lightly. minho could be annoying about this whole dating thing but he knows minho just wants him to be as happy as he was before.

“not just anyone?” minho says and chan nods. “someone you’re dating.”

chan looks up, eyes widening and minho frowns. what the hell does he do? chan knows how determined minho is, he won’t stop. “hyung, jeongin’s on the verge of asking his girlfriend of marrying him and—”

“y/n.” chan cuts him off with the first name that pops in his mind causing minho to raises his eyebrow. “i’m bringing y/n.”

“i said someone you’re—” minho cuts himself off, looking at chan with his eyes widening. he looks behind, seeing you having a conversation with his fiancé probably helping her with something on the wedding as she is showing you a sample from the magazine. minho looks back to chan who looks at him nervously. “hyung?”

“two weeks.” chan lies.

“why didn’t you tell me before?” minho asks and chan shrugs.

“i.. wanted to be sure.” chan says, seeing minho’s shock expression not going away and is probably not going away anytime so soon. “but now, i’m sure.”

“then, i’ll tell my girl that y/n will sit with you.” minho says and chan nods, mumbling a thanks. when minho’s fiancé pulls away from you to go to minho, chan immediately goes to you to explain the mess he has dragged you into.

oh, how frustrated you are going to be. chan could already see it.

minho. —

the one where you two are roommates and he can’t help but overhear how your mother would always bug you about not having a boyfriend among other things, so he decides to just save your ass because deep down you’re one of the few people in his list who he would do everything for.

throughout dinner, all minho has ever heard how your mom would pick on the littlest things that you would do and not do. minho was starting to get irritated because clearly, your mother doesn’t know how much of an amazing person you are (but of course, he’d rather go to jail than let you know that).

as minho cleans on the table, you are still by the door with your mom.

“i didn’t want to bring this up earlier right in front of your roommate because it would be humiliating,” your mother says and minho rolls his eyes. as if she hasn’t humiliated you the whole night. “but do you ever plan on having a boyfriend?”

“mom, i just graduated college. i have a lot of things to focus on, i don’t have the time—”

“well, do it faster. no one is available forever.”

that was it. minho couldn’t hold it any longer. he just wants your mom to stop and let her know how unbelievably amazing you are. as he puts the table rug down, he loudly says, “my love, can you help me?”

you turn your head to him, looking at him and minho doesn’t do anything but shrug. “y/n, love,” he calls again, walking to you and acting as if he was surprised to see your mother is still there on the doorway. “mrs. y/l/n, i’m sorry. i thought you went off already.”

“are you two together?” your mom slowly asks and your jaw drops, minho placing his hands on your shoulders. “why didn’t you tell me?” she asks and you look at minho.

“we decided to keep it between the two of us for now.” minho says and you let out a noise, eyes widening at minho as you pull away from his hold.

“you could have just told me, you silly girl.” your mom says and you look at her. “alright, i’ll be going. you help your boyfriend with the cleaning. remember the things i told you and bring minho by the house when there’s a gathering if he’s allowed to.”

you blink. “o-okay.” you stutter, leaning forward to kiss your mom on the cheek. minho does the same and your mom smiles. “take care, ma.”

“stay safe, mrs. y/l/n.” minho says and she nods, thanking the two of you as she walks to the elevator. you shut the door, glaring at minho. damn, this is going to be a long night of scolding.

changbin. —

the one where people think he’s dating an idol and keep insisting that that person is the inspiration behind his songs but in order to not drag that other idol into the mess, he drops the name of his non-idol best friend that nobody’s ever heard of.

changbin jumps when he hears the door of his room barge open and he sees you glaring down at him. “what. the. hell?” you grit your teeth, fuming at your best friend as you glare at him. changbin whines, knowing how fucked up did he do about the whole situation.

sure, he was thinking about the other idol who he never has exchanged at least one word with but he never though about his best friend. he was.. caught up in the moment.

“y/n, i’m really sorry. i didn’t think this would bring so much chaos.”

“you think?!”

changbin whines. he may be all buff and strong and one of the most feared in stray kids but when it comes to you, he’ll fold even before you come at him. “y/n, i’m so sorry. i wasn’t thinking. plus, you’re profession is different from us they wouldn’t just..” changbin trails off when he sees you tapping your foot impatiently. right, dispatch could be a big bitch.

“y/n,” changbin calls, standing up from his bed and walking forward to place his hands on your shoulders. “just please, go along with it? just for a few months, i promise. i wil protect you from the reporters, i swear. just.. do this favor for me, please.”

you sigh, brushing your fingers through your hair. you wrap your arms around his torso, pulling him in and changbin returns the hug. “fine.” you say and changbin sigh in relief. “also, go take a bath. you stink.”

changbin laughs, kissing your temple.

hyunjin. —

the one where the company is being a huge pain in the ass by telling the two of you to pull a public stunt which is fake dating one another.

“what?” you and hyunjin said in unison. you looked at your manager in disbelief who just shrugs, shaking her head in disagreement as she turns away with a sigh.

“just for a couple of months.” the staff says in a gentle, manipulative tone. “just to get the heat off of the company.”

hyunnjin brushes his hand through his long locks, hiding his frustration even though he knows you feel the same just as he does. you sigh, putting your forehead on your palm as you close your eyes.

“it will help you with your upcoming comeback.” the staff says to you and you visibly scoff, causing your manager to lightly nudge you behind. you groan, looking away. “it will also help you with the votings and streamings.” the staff tells hyunjin and he only looks down, playing with his fingers.

silence takes over, everyone feeling your and hyunjin’s anger to the staff. but after a few minutes, hyunjin speaks up. “how many months?”

silence takes over again and you look at the woman in front of you who sighs. “12 months.” she sheepishly smiles.

“that’s a whole ass year.” you say and she smiles.

“we’ll send dispatch something tomorrow. so just be ready.” she says. “you’re dismissed.” the moment those two words left her lips, you and hyunjin immediately rose up to exit the office. when your manager closes the door, you went straight to the wall, covering your face with your hands as you lean against the wall with a groan leaving your lips.

you feel a hand on your shoulder and you look up to see the tall long haired boy. “hey.” you greet and hyunjin chuckles.

“we’ll get through this.” hyunjin encourages and you smile, holding your fist out.

“yeah, we will.” you said and hyunjin looked at your fist, blinking then back to your eyes.

“i’m going to be your boyfriend tomorrow and you’re giving me a fist bump?” hyunjin deadpans and you laugh, lightly pushing him as he laughs loudly.

jisung. —

the one where he’s your best friend and someone takes a liking on you but you’re too soft to reject someone so you randomly ask jisung to be your fake boyfriend.

“what do you want?” jisung says and you pout lightly, looking into his eyes.

“ji..” you softly call and jisung crosses his arms over his chest. “i think.. changbin’s going to confess tomorrow.”

“and?”

“i need you to swoop in and tell him we’re dating.” you say as you play on chips of his door. jisung’s eyes widen, laughing lightly as he blinks.

“come again?” jisung says and you whine, looking at him. “no!”

“why not?” you ask.

“just say you like me instead of pulling this stunt!” jisung says.

“hey, i don’t!” you say, scrunching your nose as you look down. “i just really don’t want to confront changbin about it and you know me. i’d just end up saying yes and—”

“it’s okay to say no.” jisung says but you only pout looking at him. jisung pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. “y/n, i swear to god—”

“free cheesecakes as long as this goes on.”

“—you’re the bestest friend ever.”

felix. —

the one where you’ve been wanting to experience what’s it like to have a boyfriend so felix being the best friend, he lets you have the experience you deserve once you have an actual boyfriend. (got it from here.)

“lix,” you called and felix turns to you with a smile on his face. “i’m kind, right?”

“yeah,” felix answered. you truly are. whenever felix is in need of your help, you would always be there. and by always, i mean even if you’re about to do something for yourself, you’d put felix first.

“i’m not that dumb, right?” you ask.

“you’re actually really smart, y/n.” felix answers. you are. felix would always ask for your help when he’s having trouble with some subjects. and everytime you two would get into talking and there’s a test that’s to be taken by that day, felix knows you didn’t study. you never study. but how the hell do you still get high scores?

“i’m not that ugly, right?” you asked.

felix looks at you weirdly, eyebrows scrunched together as he shakes his head ‘no’. “everyone finds you extremely attractive, y/n. your beauty is simple, unlike the others.” felix says and you blush lightly, but still you want to continue with your drama.

“then why don’t i have a boyfriend?” you asked and felix just chuckles at you, continuing on doing his work. “hey,” you said with a pout. “i’m serious.”

felix softly smiles at you and places the slate and marker on his chair. “i’ll be your boyfriend,” felix answers and leans in to place a kiss on your forehead. your eyes widens, but felix continues to move as if nothing happened.

still with the soft smile on his face, felix grabs the slate and goes outside to seungmin.

seungmin. —

the one where you both decide to fake date for the sake of the annual movie fest happening in your university and the genre assigned to you is romance but seungmin, the director and you, the scriptwriter have no experience in that area which makes it hard for the two of you to bring it to life.

you softly sigh, rereading jisung’s text over and over again. seungmin gazes at you, noticing the expression that he was unable to decipher. “what did jisung say this time?” he asks and you look at him, turning the phone screen to him. seungmin reads the test and he leans on his seat, not removing his eyes on the text.

well, it’s not bad actually.

“what do you think?” seungmin asks and you shrug, softly sighing.

“it’s not a bad idea.” you softly say. “are you alright with it?”

“well, it is a good idea and we could work on it together.” seungmin says and you nod. “so, we’re doing this?”

“i guess?” you say, a bit unsure of it. you look at your wrist watch, seeing the time making you fix your things. “i have class in a few minutes, seung.”

seungmin nods, standing up as he helps you. when you sling your bag on your shoulder, he takes your laptop bag putting it on his shoulder and grabs your books as well. “what are you doing?” you ask.

“what kind of boyfriend lets his girlfriend go to class alone and on top of it, with so much bag as if she’s going to run away from home?” seungmin deadpans and you look at him.

“oh, we start now?” you mumble.

“we only have four weeks to pass the script.” seungmin says and you chuckle, nodding with a sigh.

“gosh, you need to be my boyfriend to help me with carrying my stuff.” you mumble and seungmin looks at you, pulling his tongue out.

jisung: this maybe stupid but also makes sense

jisung: date each other even just until you passed the script

jisung: just so you know what to do and stuff

jisung: just don’t fall in love

jisung: but if you do, please mention me in your wedding vows and speeches

jeongin. —

the one where he thought it would be a good idea to get his fangirls off his back by telling them he’s dating you in secret.

jeongin knocks into your apartment, giving you his charming cute smile. you raise your eyebrow, lightly chucking. “what’s up, yang?” you say, looking at him. jeongin gestures with his hands to go inside your apartment and you open your door wide to let him in.

“you know how were the bestest of friends?” jeongin asks, looking at you with his smile that not even a second did it fade.

you look at him. “no, not really.” you deadpan and jeongin sighs, frowning as he looks at you. “what do you need?”

“remember when you mentioned about the girls in uni going crazy about me?” jeongin says and you nod. “i kind of told them that i was dating someone in secret.” jeongin told you and you nod.

“you are?” you ask and jeongin shakes his head. “so you lied just to get them off your back?” you asked and jeongin nodded. “okay, so?”

“they wouldn’t let me go until i tell them who it is.” jeongin said and you nodded. jeongin just stares at you and you raise your eyebrow, not getting where the conversation is going. jeongin slowly tilts his head, staring at you and your eyes widen, hitting his arm.

“you told them it was me?!” you exclaimed.

jeongin blinks at you. “ow?” he says and you groan.

“jeongin!”

“i know it wasn’t the smartest decision—”

“the smartest?” you repeat with emphasis because it wasn’t even smarter, it wasn’t smart. it was the dumbest. ever. “jeongin, those girls are oing to—”

“i’ll give you hyunjin hyung’s number after all of this is over.” jeongin cuts you off and you look at him. “it was obvious. he’s just... dense as fuck.”

you sigh, “you pick me up tomorrow at 7.”

“thank you, y/n!” he exclaims, hugging you as he presses your body against his. “thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“alright, go home.” you say and jeongin laughs, pulling away from you. jeongin giggles, kissing your cheek as he exits your apartment to go home.

make me do it a full length au thanks. lmAO SDHBJHS,, im going to !! tell me if u want to be tagged <3

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

Text

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically)

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone.

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it.

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness.

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.”

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?”

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them.

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look.

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features.

“It might rain tonight.”

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction.

“You distracted me on purpose.”

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing.

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.”

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth.

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.”

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?”

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?”

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.”

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.”

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.”

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door.

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force.

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.”

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--”

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.”

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse.

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion.

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.”

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz.

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.”

He turns his head slightly. “You should.”

“Too bad.”

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.”

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.”

“A look?”

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.”

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.”

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?”

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.”

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.”

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.”

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.”

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came.

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.”

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off.

“Like what?”

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.”

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?”

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.”

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.”

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--”

“Your upbringing makes sense--”

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--”

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.”

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.”

And then I keep reading.

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag

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hyunverse · 4 years ago

Text

words doesn’t matter | gojo satoru

genre; bittersweet, angst with a happy ending. occasional fluff.

gender neutral.

warnings; mention of blood and vomit.

owner's note; an oomf from twitter requested this ^^ feedbacks wud be very much appreciated

y/n never understood their feelings for gojo satoru. they're best friends, they had been for the longest time. you see, it's not easy for gojo satoru to have loyal friends who could tolerate him. they're always saying, "oh he's too cocky", and "he's a brat!". y/n however, finds his teasing and self confidence rather amusing. gojo satoru's little antics such as poking their cheeks and saying "i'm the best!" are what made y/n stuck around.

being friends for so long, y/n thought their feelings for gojo was platonic. surely it's normal for a friend to stare at their friend's eyes a second longer right? gojo's eyes are a pretty shade of blue; or shall i say shades of blue. y/n could see an entire ocean in his eyes, there's no need to search up pacific ocean on google. who wouldn't want to stare at those eyes of his? y/n loves how the sun makes his eyes glow and the way his pink lips curve when he smiles. honestly, they love every single little detail about gojo satoru that to others, it's odd.

it wasn't until they started coughing up flowers when y/n realized just how whipped and in love they were for their best friend.

y/n remembers the day they found out about their hanahaki disease like yesterday; how they coughed up flowers on their apartment floor after a phone call with gojo. they looked up their bizarre disease due to their fear of operation.

hanahaki disease, a disease where patient will suffer from coughing up flowers due to unrequited love. the only cure being the loved one reciprocating their feelings.

despite the bitter aftertaste in y/n’s throat everytime they cough up flowers or how there would be blood mixed with the pretty violet flowers, it’s not the physical pain that hurts them the most. it’s how the hanahaki disease reminds them of the fact that gojo satoru does not love them back; probably never will.

gojo’s hair looks magical under the moonlight. the man lays on a king-sized bed, his hair sprawled on a pillow. moonlight seeps in through the sliding door, being the only source of light in the hotel room. being the most powerful sorcerer; he’s always travelling for work hence why time spent with y/n are always valued by him.

“i missed you”, y/n says against the phone, their hand holding onto the phone tightly.

gojo’s heart skips a beat. he clears his throat and hums against the phone, “who wouldn’t?”. what he means to say is, “i miss you too”, but the words couldn’t seem to come out. he covers the receiver on the hotel phone before letting out a sigh then pulls his hand away.

the two talk for hours, enjoying each other’s company. y/n glances at a photo frame on their nightstand, smiling at the picture of them and gojo together. they could feel their throat growing uncomfortable, but they pushed the sensation away in order to talk to the white haired man.

“the moon looks beautiful tonight”, gojo says, looking out at the balcony. the moon looks exceptionally bright tonight, as if to mirror the calmness in his heart.

what he means to say is, “i love you”, but too bad for gojo, his best friend didn’t quite get that.

y/n on the other line hums, “yeah. so bright, i love it”, they say, fingers fiddling around with the telephone chord, “you sound sleepy, satoru. you should go to sleep”.

“yeah, i really should”, gojo mutters, fluttering his eyes close. he rolls to his side, grunting lightly when he feels the emptiness of the other side. that’s when the man starts imagining having y/n by his side.

“i’ll end the call t-”

“no”, gojo answers, his eyes feeling even heavier now. “keep talking, it’s okay. you can put it down when i fall asleep”.

so y/n stays on the line, talking about how their day went as gojo listens intently. slowly but surely, his exhaustion fades away at the sound of y/n’s voice, as though their voice is his antidote. he suddenly forgets the feeling of loneliness he felt just a few minutes ago.

approximately five months after, gojo and y/n are sitting on his rooftop. y/n’s hanahaki disease have gotten worse now, but they successfully managed to hide it from gojo.

“i can’t believe you had to move”, y/n sighs, eyes still fixed up on the sky above. the clouds move in a hypnotizing way, sure to calm people down but it’s different for y/n. the uneasy feeling in their heart just won’t go.

“yeah, i’m far away from you now.”, gojo mutters, pulling y/n closer towards his body.

his words are genuine, and his vulnerability is practically spilling out from his body. there’s no hesitance in his movements, since gojo had decided that it’s now or never. he either tells his feelings now or he might never get to tell them ever, due to his crazy schedule.

y/n rests their head on gojo’s shoulder, their muscles instantly loosening. they feel safe in gojo’s arms and it’s not because of the strength the man has; it’s a matter of trust. y/n would go as far as trusting gojo with their life; and it hurts how gojo probably doesn’t feel the same.

gojo looks down at y/n’s face, his lips itching to meet theirs. feeling gojo’s gaze on theirs, y/n looks up to see gojo staring right down at them. driven by the tension surrounding them, gojo is quick to pull his blindfold down, revealing his ice blue eyes.

“satoru? are you o-”, y/n is cut off by a pair of warm lips meeting theirs and gojo wrapping his strong arms around their figure.

the pair’s lips move in sync, and so does their body. at that very moment y/n understands what it means by how sometimes words doesn’t matter; for gojo’s actions explains how he feels more than his words ever could.

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livingalifeofasimp · 4 years ago

Note

Hello! If it isn't too much, may I ask for a yan Zhongli x Reader, in which the Reader is the reincarnation, with bits of memories and personality, of Guizhong.. essentially Guizhong reborn.

Warning : This content contains Yandere themes, if you are sensitive please refrain yourself from reading it, arts belong to it's respective owner only the content is mine.

I am still alive (~‾▿‾)~

Tagging : @blueskywater-happiness

🎕 Yandere Zhongli X Reader 🎕

✥Zhongli holded Memory of dust in his hands, the stone dumbbell which contained her wisdom, and was challenged by her to unlock it. He still remember her, years passed away but the pain and memories of her still resided in his heart. Till this day he was not able to open it no matter how hard he tries, calm, kind hearted, the person he is today was made by her.

"Guizhong look at all the people here living their life the way you wanted them to be, I hope you are happy wherever you are".

Guizhong is the late Goddness of Dust, she was Morax's ally and best friend, she lost her life during Archon war with Zhongli by her side, death of a best friend, the only one close to him caused him misery even tho he is deprived of understanding emotions better, through life goes on and you learn to live without them.

✥Zhongli slipped tea through a decorated cup while waiting for a foreigner, Childe who was going to make him meet a stranger who wanted to set up a business dinner as per Liyue custom.

A sudden knock made Zhongli look up towards the sound "Yahooo Zhongli", just after Childe you walked in, you looked like someone he knew, your hair, your smile, your eyes glittering and the aura you had was quite familiar to him.

"I am Y/N thank you for giving us your time"

"Our Zhongli is such a nice sir - " Childe saw Zhongli staring at your face causing him to smirk "I know this lady is quite really pretty, I hope -" Embarrassed Zhongli intruped Childe "Let's get down with business".

✥Even you didn't knew anything about Zhongli, you still felt like you knew him from somewhere maybe you both must have crossed your paths, at the end you said what you wanted too.

"I feel like I have seen you from somewhere",

Zhongli was surprised, his eyes widen it couldn't be true right? People who go away didn't come back right? His mind must be playing game, it sure has to be it. He has seen people go and new ones coming all the people he had are replaced by new ones, not replaced exactly but it do not make any difference, no one can take their places, he don't want to be caughted in such misery but the cycle repeats itself.

"Certainly I hope so",

His calm and welcoming response made you smile, you hoped too it felt warm, it made you smile.

✥Undefined force made Zhongli meet you again and again, was it all just a coincidence or a fate leading, you would always invited him for lunch, dinner or even just for a walk, no matter how much Zhongli wanted to run away from the warmth you gave off, because one day you will be gone too just like others so there was no meaning to get close to you. You looked just like her, not the same but it still felt like you were traces of her, from which he desperately wanted to run away.

✥"Sir Zhongli, are you going somewhere?", You have seen him after such a long time maybe after one or two weeks, at some point you made Zhongli want to look out and search for you, no matter how much he pushes you away, he still find himself surrounded by your presence which make him loose control and hug you, urge you to hug him back comfort him, saying you won't go. Zhongli stopped his mind which was racing from such thoughts and invited you for star gazing.

"Miss L/N if you are free let's go to star gazing I am sure you must have seen such things but-"

"I don't mind let's go, I have been so tired of my work", you were so happy to finally make him open up to you besides its good to take breaks every now and then.

✥"Miss please take care of yourself, it would be bad if you got hurt, I hope you are taking 3 meals a day, please drink enough water and if you ever feel troubled by something don't give it any second thought just come to me I will be more than happy to help you", Zhongli looked at your shocked face, he must have lectured you enough, just when he was going to apologize for it, you burst out giggling, it felt good to have someone to worry for you, your smile made Zhongli's cheek turned red, it was so peaceful, your laughs were like her just a bit more melodic and sweet.

✥"Yes I will take care of myself, you too take care of yourself", Zhongli fake coughed and went ahead of you so that you couldn't see his face smiling like a child that hided with his one hand. "I appreciate your concern, let's meet tonight", he walked away leaving a confused you behind.

Just like a true gentleman Zhongli waited for you, only to see you looking all very pretty and perfect, infamous smile decorated his face, you grin in response before giving your hands in his.

✥"It's pretty isn't it", you looked towards the sky, stars hanging in them, small or big it looked like sparking dust, which was a very pleasing sight.

"It is", there is nothing new, Zhongli is almost tried of the same view yet it felt good to have someone by his side, for those moments he did not feel lonely.

"We humans are so fragile like a dust in this universe which is so big, when I look up, it feels like things can disappear just another second",

Zhongli flinched, as he slowly turned to look at your face, a delicate face that was looking at the stars curiously, your form shining under moonlight, you, are you really Guizhong, his hands extended to touch you, or are you just a illusion, your eyes founded it's way back to Zhongli beautiful face who flinched again at your sudden movement.

"Did I say something weird don't mind me", you laughed to lighten the atmosphere.

✥After that Zhongli's attention and focus wholeheartedly shifted towards you, he couldn't help but compare Guizhong and her reincarnation, you are a bit more carefree, cheerful and not as knowledgeable as her, he didn't blame you for it, you are just as cute as a child. No matter how hard he tried to push you away, everytime you would comeback, since you so persistent, he lost. Your liveliness made him fall for you, deep and hard to the point of no return, since you embraced him, he will hold you back just as tight to know that you are there and not disappearing at least for now.

✥Zhongli looks forward to meeting you more than he did before, fusses over a small wound more than your grandmother would. You get confused when Zhongli stares at your face quite long before apologizing, you certainly notice how attentive he has became. He smiles ever so brightly when you comes in his view, but you always fail to notice how he deadly glares at all the people and things that do not even breathe when you give them more attention than you give to him.

✥Zhongli grows to be more possessive and strict yet very loving towards you. His yandere tendency triggers when he saw you injured after coming back from the given mission, Zhongli dropped whatever he was doing and ran towards you, you got hurt his heart dropped, he didn't wanted you to disappear or get a single scratch, not when you give him such a warm and fussy feeling, he felt like a teenager in love but instead he was a obsessive God in love with you.

✥This whole incident will lead Zhongli to appeal for you to stay with him till you get well again or so you thought, he took care of everything you needed even when you don't needed them, he would feed you and do your hair, buy you everything that you desired but going out was prohibited, was it a price to pay for luxury?.

✥His paranoia will take over his mind if you said you would like to go to your own house, he does understand how homesick you must be feeling but he would feel the same if you left and it will be terrible because if you tried to escape from him or state that you hate him, his heart will break into millions pieces and might go back to how he was like before and it will be destructive to both you and all the other people, and you might be able to accept his yandere side since you have some memories and most importantly you pity him, so after throwing traumas for a week, in his eyes he thought you were afraid of being trapped in a room, slowly you realized how lonely he has been all these years without you.

✥Zhongli immediately melts when you willing touch him and comfortable him, won't it be better to heal his heart which leaks of sadness and fear of losing you, the person who is dearly valuable to him, he would clingy to you like his life depends on it or maybe it really does.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

#yandere story #yandere #yandere male #yandere male x reader #genshin impact #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #tumblr #tumblrfeed #genshin impact zhongli #yandere Zhongli #yandere Zhongli x reader #female reader

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tojismaiden · 4 years ago

Text

SNK Male Characters as Yandere's (Modern AU)

WARNING: will contain dark themes.

Eren the Violent

It's a known fact that Eren doesn't have the best temper in the world.

But for you, he'd try his best to be patient. Key word: Try.

When Eren saw you, you were like the light at the end of the tunnel. The rainbow after the rain. The finish line. The trophy. The angel that every devil sought after.

You were kind to almost everybody but you were also fearless when you need to be. You helped everyone that you could and that included Eren. He got into another fight? You'd patch him up. He's lashing out on someone again? You'd calm him down. Everytime he needed someone, you were there.

So who could possibly blame him for falling for you? For wanting you?

At first, it was just an innocent crush he had on you. But days passed and he found himself growing more agitated. You were just too good, too pure. Eren knew that deep down, he had to have you. He's lost so much in his life, he can't lose you too.

So when the time came that he confessed, imagine his surprised and embarrassment when you told him you were with someone else. Of course, Eren being Eren, he'd pretend it's nothing and carry on with his day.

You thought none of it of course and kept treating Eren as how you saw him as; a friend.

Eren isn't the most patient man in the world, and neither is he the most calm one.

So please don't be surprised if you find your s/o brutally murdered.

"Oh, Y/N. I'm so sorry about your partner. I heard what happened. Such a shame, really."

"It's okay, Eren... I just— I just don't understand. Who would do something like this?"

"I don't know. But whoever it was, the person may not have liked your partner at all. In fact, that person might have hated them."

Your partner's death saddened you immensely but you were thankful that Eren was with you as you grieved. However, the more you spent time with Eren, the more concerned your friends got. They had bad vibes with him.

And Eren felt they don't particularly like him.

So the next time you see a news about an unknown killer going around?

Ignore it.

Your friends falling as victims of the said killer? Ignore it.

After all, Eren did it for you. So you could be together.

Forever.

Armin the Manipulative

There's no denying that Armin is smart. Way too fucking smart.

He would top in his classes and everyone came to him whenever they needed help with their homework.

But what exactly did Armin like about you? Simple. It's your sincerity.

Sure, he has friends and sure, his classmates would thank him whenever he helped them but with you, Armin could really feel like you learned something from him. It wasn't like the usual where the other would get the answers to their questions but obtained nothing from his explanation.

With you, you really applied what he taught you.

And Armin felt... appreciated. Like he wasn't being used to people's advantages.

So ever since then, Armin would willingly help you. Even offering to tutor you privately, free of charge! And each time you two spent time together, Armin's feelings for you grew stronger. The stronger they got, the more he got slightly too infatuated with you.

Weekly tutors turned into everyday tutors to the point where Armin would even tutor you during the weekend!

But who were you to say no? You were so thankful. If it weren't for Armin, you might have backloaded a subject or worse, repeated a grade!

You barely had time for your friends anymore but Armin assured you that it's better this way. That it's better if you prioritized your study sessions with him because your friends would just distract you.

And hey, come to think of it. Weren't they the reason you slept so late the last few weeks and almost made you miss an exam?

However, as busy as you are, you somehow found yourself in a situation where you got into a date with someone. An upperclassmen one of your friends introduced you to back then.

And when Armin found out, he was livid. But he loves you so much that he couldn't possibly bear to hurt you, no. Instead, he saved you from the inevitable torment.

"Y/N, you did this portion wrong, do it again." "Y/N! Didn't I tell you to replace this number with this? Do it again." "We're not stopping until you get it right."

Sure, Armin can be strict, but it's for your own good.

"Y/N, I apologize if I was harsh today. I just want to see you do good. And I'm so proud of you. I really believe you'll ace this test this week."

"I-It's okay, Armin. And thank you for helping me again. I promise I'll—"

"Say, Y/N, you should really stop seeing that person. I heard you were going out on a date with (Your crush's name). I suggest you don't. I heard they're going out with a friend of yours. (You friend's name) is their name, I think?"

"W-What? Where did you heard that?"

"Everyone's been talking about it. Plus, I think the reason you're doing pretty bad today is because of them. So please, Y/N, we worked really hard for you to get such good scores. Wouldn't you wanna make your senpai proud?"

You're so thankful for Armin. And you really don't want to disappoint him after all of what he's done for you.

So what better way to repay him than be obedient?

Jean the Stalker

It's not rocket science that Jean is a handsome young man.

But when he saw you? Oh, boy. He felt as if everything in the world felt right. You were just so fucking beautiful. The first time he saw you, he just couldn't look away. It felt as if his breath got knocked out of him.

He was sure you were a God/Goddess walking on Earth. Never had he seen someone so ethereal.

But the thing is, you were just so out of his league. While everyone kept talking to you, made friends with you, flirted with you, Jean stood from afar and watched you from the distance.

Sure, he follows your social media accounts. But he couldn't help but make dummy accounts and followed your accounts as well. He didn't want to take the risk of accidentally liking a picture of yours from years back with his personal account.

He didn't want you to think of him as a weird stalker or something because Jean is definitely not a stalker, no. Just no chance of him being that.

What Jean didn't know, is that you never noticed him at all. It's not your fault though, he was usually quiet and blended in the background. If you ever did see him around, you'd forget about him soon after. A shame, really.

But don't let Jean know that.

What started as him following your social media accounts turned into him just simply following you around.

He took note of you always stopping by at this convenient store right after class to buy your favorite drink and favorite sandwich almost everyday before you go home.

It happened so frequently, him walking with his hoodie on, head hung low as he walked a few steps behind you and somehow watching you buy the exact same thing everyday.

But everytime, Jean would only stop by at the convenient store. Once you were done, he would walk home. He didn't want to follow you home. Well, it's not that he didn't want to, it's just that he doesn't have the courage yet.

However, curiosity got the best of him and at night, when you were going home late, he followed you on your way home and you swore you could feel as if someone was follow you.

"Who's there?" Nothing.

When Jean successfully followed you home, it was like something inside him flicked open. And every night, he would stop by outside your home for an hour or so and every night he would see your silhouette as you took off your clothes and changed into comfier ones, and Jean had thoughts where he'd imagine just how you looked underneath them.

With each passing day, you felt as if you were continuously being watched. Being followed.

Maybe next time, you should really learn how to close your window.

Say, do you remember where your favorite underwear went?

Erwin the Blackmailer

You could never really ask for a better boyfriend. Erwin has it all.

At least, that's what you thought in the first few years of your relationship.

Erwin was everything you wanted and more. And he loved you so much... way too much.

And truthfully, you loved Erwin too. But there's no denying he's gotten so unbearable.

Back then, you would have done everything for Erwin. But every bit of love that you had for this man was now replaced with fear.

When Erwin began to openly express his obsession with you and his primary goal of making you all to himself, you had run away from him, far too scared of the lengths he'd go through just to satisfy this... obsession of his.

You noticed it little by little. But never had you thought it would come to this.

It started small at first. He would stop you from spending time with your friends little by little until you could no longer see them.

He would say something about them being bad influences. Going as far as to make up convincing lies that you, stupidly fell for.

After that, he stopped you from seeing your own family. Cut ties with those who are important to you. Deprived you your freedom. For he thought that you, going outside meant that you would meet someone else other than him.

And the thought of someone even merely looking at you made his blood boil.

But everytime you ran away from him, he would find you. Doesn't matter if you hid from him for weeks, months. He would end up finding you each and everytime.

At first, Erwin liked the cat and mouse game that you played. He thought it was thrilling. But then he slowly realized you were gaining this new profound strength. As if you thought that he wouldn't do anything except to find you and drag you back with him.

"I'm not going with you anymore, Erwin! I'm sick of this shit. You're all bark but no bite. Well, guess what? I'm done. And I'm not coming back!"

"Bark but no bite, eh? I wish you hadn't said that, Y/N. Say, your best friend doesn't live too far from here. You wouldn't mind if I pay them a visit, right? I'm sure they're worried about you, doll."

Ever since then, Erwin would blackmail you by threatening to hurt your loved ones if you didn't do as you were told.

This made your fear for him to go back and one time where you did disobey him despite his threats, you received a news where your bestfriend was found badly beaten in a dark alley and the perpetrator was nowhere to be found. Your bestfriend almost died if the suspect hadn't stopped.

And deep down, you knew this was Erwin's doing. It served as a warning that he wasn't afraid to kill for you so long as you stayed with him.

"I'm doing this for us, doll. Why can't you see how much I love you?"

"They don't deserve you, Y/N. They aren't willing to go for miles for you. But me, I would do anything to keep you by my side. Isn't that what you wanted? You said you didn't want to lose me, right?"

Erwin loved you so much. He wouldn't want to risk losing you ever again.

Maybe he should try going after your family this time the next time you try and run away from him.

Levi the Possessive

Levi had lost more people than he could count. So the moment he saw you?

He didn't want to let go.

What's scary about Levi is that you don't know what he's thinking of. He would never let you know what it is that runs through his mind.

He knows, however, that you're just like him. You lost your family and you barely had any friends. And you worked as a waiter/waitresss at this local diner to earn money for your tuition fee.

Levi understands. He's been through that struggle and he could see it on your face. He took note of everything you did. And he made a habit of coming in for tea even though the tea in the diner tasted like shit. But if you made it, he would make sure to leave an extra tip.

Levi made sure that it was you who would serve him everytime. If it were someone else, he would request for you immediately.

You never really noticed Levi, in all honesty. It wasn't his fault. It's not that he's not attractive. It's just that you were too far in your head to even look or strike a conversation with him.

You were quiet and obedient and somehow Levi liked that about you. It just means you would put up a less of a fight. Means it would be easier to convince you. Means that you would always say yes.

Though Levi hoped that underneath that submissive nature to you, you would somehow have a backbone there. Being too compliant would bore him to death.

And he witnessed that when you suddenly snapped at a customer for being perverted. You were almost fired on the spot if it weren't for the fact that Levi testified for you.

That was the first time you truly noticed him.

Ever since then, you made sure that you would be the one to serve Levi everytime he came by. And you made his tea extra special, which he appreciated. It was the least you could do after he helped you out the other day.

Days passed and Levi had successfully scored a date with you. The first time he saw your apartment, he was really glad to see it clean and organized despite its dinginess and small size. It was all you could afford.

Levi suggested a stay-in date at your place, just so he could see if you were fit to live with him. Once he saw how great of a cook you are, how tidy you are and everything, he knew it was time to eventually convince you.

Sex with Levi meant that he would top you. All of the fucking time. And everytime it happened, he would always mutter the same thing to you:

"You're mine. All fucking mine."

Of course, you treated it as simple dirty talk. Men say that all the time, right?

Eventually, Levi brought up the idea of you living with him. At first, you declined. You couldn't possibly do that. But Levi having a silver-tongue meant he eventually convinced you.

Living with Levi was a walk in a park. You'd help him clean and would tell him that you would help out with the bills but you were surprised when he told you that you didn't have to worry about that.

"Just sit down and look pretty for me, brat. That's all you need to do. You don't have to worry about the money."

You didn't like that Levi didn't want you to help with the bills but you couldn't possibly retort something back. He let you live in a nice home with a nice bathroom. Who were you to have a say in things?

Days passed, and Levi somehow brought up the topic of you quitting your job.

"What? But I like—"

"Like being a waiter/waitress? Come on, Y/N. Your colleagues are absolute assholes and don't get me started on your manager. I see how he looks at you."

"I'm sure that's not true, Levi..."

"Are you doubting me?"

"W-What? N-No, I—"

"That's a good girl. You know I'd hate it if those dingy dickwads were to look at what's mine, right?"

You quit your job.

Levi knew you'd be bored inside the house so in return, he let you sign up in one of those online courses to keep you busy.

It was all coming into plan. Finally, he got the partner for life he always dreamed of. The one that would cook him dinner everytime he came home from work. Would pleasure him in bed when he's stressed. Would clean without him having to ask you.

You were so perfect.

People hadn't heard from you for months. But Levi convinced you that there's no need if people heard from you or not. Eventually, they would forget about you. You had no family, you had no friends, all you had was Levi.

And if you found out that Levi would lock you inside the house everytime he left for work, you would choose to stay silent.

And if he were to ask you to wear a chain around your ankle, who were you to say No?

After all, Levi gave you everything.

Levi was your everything.

And you were everything to Levi.

How could he ever share something so precious to the world?

#attack on titan #attack on titan fic #shingeki no kyokin #snk fic #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #yandere eren #armin arlert #armin arlet x reader #yandere armin #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschstein #yandere jean #erwin smith #erwin smith x reader #yandere erwin #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #yandere levi

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fanfic-me-up · 4 years ago

Text

All The Colors We Cannot See {Bakugou x Reader}

Synopsis: He sees you in the colors that light the sky, and longs for you in the darkness that follows.

Pairing: Pro Hero! Bakugou Katsuki x fem! reader

Warnings: attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, language

Word Count: 4k+

A/N: This took me like 9 months to complete, but it’s finally here. I didn’t completely stick to the request, but this is what came out. I still hope you like it! Banner made by my amazingly talented friend, go follow her @jm.rvice on instagram! 💖

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Blood pumps to his legs. Cement pounds his feet. Bits of rubble catch in his boots. The first spark of the night shoots up- swallowed whole by the black sky. A trail of embers remains in its wake.

Katsuki stops. And waits.

A second passes- the crowd silent in anticipation. No one can see the spark, but everyone knows it’s there… waiting… for the right time to explode. And just when the darkness thinks it has won, an enormous burst of light blankets the sky. In that moment, it’s so bright that Katsuki can see the skyline. Like paint splattered on a blank canvas, the sky now bleeds in red, and the explosion leaves an imprint the size of a supernova long after it’s gone.

The crowd applauds.

A roar is ripped from Katsuki’s throat. He pounds at the brick wall again and again, despite blood trickling down his fists. He rips his cochlear and smashes it against the wall. A sick satisfaction settles within him. The ringing that greets him is like a devil sucking on the lobe, whispering tempestuous nothings into his ear.

Katsuki continues his ascent, taking steps by three until he reaches the top. The poor door is yanked off its hinges, but it doesn’t even cross Katsuki’s mind as he’s hit by everything all at once. Smoke slithers down his throat, roasted yakitori wafts up his nose, the rhythmic booms caress his ear, and the lavender shaded sky comforts his eyes. From up here, the people below remind Katsuki of the dots he used to see after he ignited a big explosion- how the dots blur, mix, and separate in one fluid motion again and again.

His phone ringing is a distant echo. They’re looking for him no doubt, but who the hell cares. Not like they’d find him up here. This was yours and Katsuki’s place.

-------------------------------------------------------

He’d blow himself up if he missed even a second.

His lungs burned. They ached for a clean breath, yet inhaled the stench of nitroglycerin-like sweat. He could’ve just blasted himself to the top and saved himself the trouble, but fuck. That. Katsuki thrived on a challenge. He loved the rush of adrenaline more than his own mother. (He’d never tell her that- she’d kill him before he reached this goddamn roof.)

He threw himself against the door in time to see the first burst of citrine hit the sky. But he also saw you, a trespasser, standing on the ledge and looking like you were about to kill yourself. You didn’t flinch at the sonic boom (like most people) nor cringe at the heat. It was like you thought the beauty outweighed its destruction.

All that said you were fucking stupid.

“Oi! Get down from there!”

You were immersed in skylight, and though your back was turned, Katsuki knew you were staring up in awe; your eyes reminiscent of glassy pools reflecting red, yellow, blue and all the possibilities they create.

“Fuckin’ hell…” Katsuki muttered. He just wanted to enjoy the show in his spot. Alone. Like he did every year. “Oi, lady! You wanna kill yourself? Do it on some other roof dammit!”

You jumped at the blasted words, losing your balance and falling off the ledge. Katsuki expected you to scream, to gasp, to cry... anything but fucking wink on your way down like playing with death is just some fucking game. But Katsuki had no time to think before he blasted himself across the roof to grab your hand- but you didn’t need it. You threw a safety line in mid-air, hooked it to the ledge with skillful precision, and used the leverage to hurl yourself back up. You landed on the ledge like a ballerina tip-toeing on a tightrope. The sheer turn of events rendered Katsuki speechless.

“Phew! That was fun! Let’s do it again sometime, yeah?” You wrapped the safety chord before bouncing up to Katsuki.

The fuck?

How did you…?

You didn’t seem to notice Katsuki’s loss for words.

“I’ve never met someone with a quirk like yours. You could put on your very own firework show!”

You tried grabbing his hand, but Katsuki’s growl stopped you. The flickers popping in his hands were a sign to back the fuck off.

You’re scared. Good, Katsuki thought.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m a bit of a pyro.” You sheepishly smiled, twirling a pink and yellow band around your finger. (You’d later twirl your wedding ring the same way.)

Katsuki’s growl cut in its tracks. You weren’t scared like he thought, in fact, you looked lost in his sparks- your eyes zooming back and forth, trying to catch each and every one. Katsuki killed his sparks, causing you to look up at him in disappointment.

“I can’t. Mine don’t change color,” he muttered.

Fireworks always fascinated Katsuki. As a child, he wished his explosions could change color. He imagined people looking up in awe when his sparks rained down. They’d recognize the power and the beauty.

“Hmm…color is what makes a firework...” you trailed off.

“No shit,” Katsuki snorted. How stupid are you?

“Hold out your hands.”

Katsuki crossed his arms, “No.”

“Oh, c’mon! Gimme your hands!” You bounced up and down, overcome with excitement. Katsuki stepped back but immediately stopped himself because Bakugou Katsuki never backs down.

“I’m not giving you anything, woman. You’re fuckin’ weird for jumpin’ off roofs and asking for stranger’s hands. Stay the fuck away from me. In fact, this is my fuckin’ roof. Find your own.” Katsuki looked down to see his hands popping. It must’ve happened on instinct- a defense mechanism to scare off the extras who won’t leave him the fuck alone.

Except it didn’t work on you. You only came closer.

“Do you want to burn in color or not?”

Katsuki saw flashes of himself in your eyes everytime a firework went off. A hunger burned in the pit of his stomach- one he’s felt countless times during battle, but this one was different. This strange warmth made him feel like jumping off the roof himself, and if he put all his might into it, he could brush the spark of a firework from fifty feet above.

“Yes,” he said.

“Then you’re gonna have to trust me.”

“Trust you!?” Katsuki shook his head, “I don’t even know you!”

“That’s half the fun, isn’t it?” You giggled, “Now hold still.”

Katsuki grumbled how ridiculous this was, and that whatever you tried wouldn’t work, but you ignored him in favor of pulling his hands and laying them face up. You nodded and Katsuki sighed, activating his quirk anyway because what the hell.

You’re entranced from the moment flickers popped, one by one, in his hands. They died as quickly as they were born, but still left their mark in the air.

Katsuki’s sparks faltered as cool fingertips brushed against his wrist.

“It’s okay, keep going,” you encourage, and he does.

He can’t pinpoint exactly when the change happened. Like all change, he blinked and suddenly his sparks burned in color. Angry red, rooted in tormented crimson, ravished the usual, boring, orange of his sparks.

Katsuki laughed in disbelief because how is this real? Yellow began to flicker in and out of the red, until it finally caught like a flame and engulfed the red like a warm blanket. Pink and light green began to swirl around the yellow, and the firework show Katsuki had been looking forward to all year didn’t hold a candle to the fireworks fluttering in the palms of his hands.

Katsuki looked up at you.

Who the fuck are you?

You giggled at his awed expression, “Our very own firework show.”

And that’s how you spent the rest of the night. His hands in yours while he burned in color for the first time.

Katsuki later discovered you could read emotions through auras. The aura becomes visible, allowing you to color a person’s quirk.

He also discovered that you didn’t need to hold his hand for it to work.

-------------------------------------------------------

A round of fireworks triggers the ringing in Katsuki’s ear. He throws his head back in ecstasy and prays the sensation tickles his eardrum for a little longer- enough to shut the part of his brain that keeps remembering you.

Katsuki pulls the pistol out. The leather grip, so slick with sweat, that Katsuki has to wipe his hand to make sure he doesn’t accidentally set off his quirk.

He’s not an amateur. He’s held a gun before. Every pro-hero has to undergo weapons training, but he’s never used one in combat. His quirk was always more than enough. But there’s something inherently dangerous about a gun. His quirk is an extension of himself, but a gun is a separate entity altogether- and it was designed to kill.

Growing up, adults would praise Katsuki for his quirk. They’d say, “With a quirk like that, you’re destined to become a hero!” But they were still afraid to get too close. They saw his quirk as a weapon that was designed to destroy. And soon enough, Katsuki became the embodiment of just that. But he always felt incomplete. He wanted to be a hero like All Might. One that people looked up to- in awe of their power, not in fear of it.

That’s why he loved fireworks. The only explosion that makes people stop and stare, instead of running away, in fear for their lives.

You were the first and only person to see the beauty in his quirk.

-------------------------------------------------------

“What’s your favorite color?”

Such a basic question that Katsuki should already have the answer to. But color meant so much more to you. You saw the world in a way that made everyone else seem colorblind.

You twirled that same pink and yellow band around your finger as Katsuki twirled the ring in his pocket. You leaned in closer, basking in the warmth radiating from Katsuki. He watched how your eyes never left the sky, and he was content with missing the show if it meant he can watch you instead. He caught glimpses of you only when lit by a firework. He made sure not to blink during those moments else he’d miss you. Your expressions mixed and swirled as the fireworks continued, but you never lost the primary color of mesmerization painting your face.

“Blue,” you said. Katsuki had to lean in to listen; your voice an ember in a sea of fire. “But not sky blue like on a sunny day. It’s nice, but I much prefer the darker washes of blue, deep like sapphire.”

Blue, the color of sadness.

“Why blue?” Katsuki asked. The ring in his pocket danced between his fingers.

You turned back to the fireworks. You always made sure to think before you speak when answering a question that mattered.

“Because there’s always an interesting story behind an aura of such sorrow, more importantly, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.”

“So your favorite color isn’t blue, it’s yellow,” Katsuki cut in, but you shook your head.

“There’s nowhere to go but down with yellow. Yellow is the epitome of brightness and joy, and when you crash during the high, you crash hard. But when you’re drowning in deep blue, as I’ve seen many people do, you’re at the lowest of lows- you really can’t get any lower in this life. But when an aura- and I’ve only seen this once- when an aura changes from the deepest of sapphire to sunrise yellow- well it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

The twirling of the ring in his pocket stopped.

“That is why I believe blue is the true color of hope,” you whispered.

-------------------------------------------------------

Katsuki should feel the smooth texture of leather as he grips the gun in his hand. He should feel the weight of the gun as he brings it to his temple. But he’s numb to it all. It’s like an invisible string, pulling at his muscles, directing his body how to move. His mind goes blank for the first time, and all the inner-turmoil he’s been unable to escape just straight up… stops. It’s like he’s floating in a body of water with no current. Complete and utter stillness.

It scares the fuck outta him, but it feels good.

As he’s about to turn the safety off, his phone rings again, snapping him back to reality. Katsuki guts his phone.

“Die!”

The phone slides down the door like a dead pidgeon.

“God-fuckin’-damn it...” He pushes the barrel back to his temple, craving that mind-numbing stillness once more. Anything to stop the feelings that just won’t seem to go away.

The fireworks crescendo as the show reaches its climax. The colors begin to mix and blur together so much that it becomes too convoluted to look at. An infinite regress of color swirling in Katsuki’s mind.

-------------------------------------------------------

You glowed on purpose so Katsuki could find you. He spotted you from miles away, like a beacon of light in the middle of a storm. The melancholic blue of your aura contrasted against the raging reds that painted the sky.

Katsuki ran. He pushed and pushed past his limit, harder than any battle he’s fought in. He could’ve made it if he used his quirk, but he was in a crowded marketplace with too many people. He ripped off his gauntlets and threw them in a random alley. He immediately gained speed. A couple more feet and one minute left.

He should’ve saved his breath. If he did, he would’ve caught you in time. But he had to make sure you knew he was there. You looked down at the sound of your name. He could barely make out your face, but you saw him. He knew you saw him because your aura changed from that melancholic blue to sunrise yellow in an instant. Everyone around him gasped at the flood of light emanating from above.

You were right. It was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

If Katsuki produced a strong enough blast, he could make his way to the top and get you out before the bomb went off. At this point, he didn’t care who else might get hurt in the process. Next to him, Kirishima knew what Katsuki was thinking. He hardened himself to block Katsuki’s takeoff.

“Don’t do it, bro.”

“Get outta my way.”

“You can’t make it.”

“Yes I can.”

“You’ll both die.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Katsuki pushed him away, and prepared to blast himself, when two other heroes stepped in to hold him down, but no one stood a chance when Katsuki goes feral. Explosions erupted, not enough to seriously hurt, but enough to get people to back the fuck off. Even Kirishima (whose quirk is to literally be a human barricade) was having trouble blocking Katsuki. One more blast was enough to send Kirishima back and Katsuki used that half a second to blast off. But suddenly he couldn’t. He tried and he tried, but his quirk refused to work. A growl escaped from low in his throat as he whipped his head around, trying to find the cause to his problem so he could decimate it.

Target acquired.

Katsuki was about to march right up to his high school homeroom teacher and deck him right in his fuckin’ face, but before he could, he was held down once again.

He couldn’t fight three pro-heroes off without his quirk. He couldn’t get to you without his quirk. All Katsuki could do was look up and watch you die.

Five seconds left.

He saw it in your face. The moment you realized he wouldn’t be able to save you. The yellow of your aura growing dimmer and dimmer.

Three.

You smiled through your tears.

Two.

And winked.

One.

Then closed your eyes as you took your last breath.

The darkness that followed was unbearable.

A cacophonous wail erupted from Katsuki’s throat- loud enough to go up against any explosion. He couldn’t help but fall to his knees, unable to hold himself up any longer. He still wasn’t able to use his quirk and that only frustrated him more.

He’d never felt so helpless in his life.

-------------------------------------------------------

He hardly uses his quirk anymore because he sees you in the sparks. He’s got no drive to be Number 1 if you’re not here to watch him do it. His will to live is gone without you and that scares the fuck outta him. He hates you for filling his head with ridiculous bullshit. He hates you for opening his mind to the possibility of love, and hope, and shit that shouldn’t matter but it fuckin’ does for some goddamn reason. He hates you. He hates you. He hates you.

That same cacophonous wail erupts from his very core. The gun falls from his hands, to the ground. It could’ve gone off at that moment and Katsuki would never know.

His focus zeroes on his hands. How tense they get when he flexes them, how the vein protrudes from his wrist, and how his glands secrete sweat from his palms. He points them to the sky, and a familiar rush of power, that he hasn’t felt in months, surges through him. His blood boils from under his skin and he’s literally shaking from the intensity. Like a volcano spewing hot-blooded lava after an eternity of dormancy, he shoots blinding white heat into the black night.

The color from the fireworks surround his explosions as if they’re echoing his sentiment. Hot red dominates the sky- reminding Katsuki of the sky that night. This causes Katsuki to rattle off explosions quicker, setting off one after another in a staccato rhythm. The crimson sky ravishes all other color.

If only he saved his breath. If only he’d taken off his gauntlets sooner. If only he ran a little faster. If only he blasted himself a second earlier. If only he didn’t stay back at work that day. If only he turned right instead of left at that goddamn intersection. If only he picked up the ingredients for your favorite meal the day before so he could go straight home. If only he didn’t have to drive back to the market because he fuckin’ forgot the milk again. If only he decided it was still worth it to pick you up from work early like he planned. If only he cared more about your anniversary than about cracking Top 10. If only he went to more of your art shows instead of taking extra patrols. If only he went on that trip to New York with you instead of cancelling last minute because the agency needed him. If only he realized that you meant more to him than being Number 1 before it was too late.

Little by little the crimson wash is buried by the black night and Katsuki’s eyes hurt just staring into the black abyss. It’s suffocating him, weighing his chest down and making it hard to breathe. It’s enough to drop him to his knees, just like he did that night.

You and Katsuki had long talks about your future plans. How you fit into his life, and how he fit into yours. When you’d be able to properly settle down and have kids. You accepted that the first couple years into his career would be the toughest on your marriage. Katsuki would spend more time at the agency than at home with you. Relationships with pro-heroes were like that. But you respected his ambitions. You understood the amount of time that was required to fulfill those ambitions. You never held it over him, never guilted him into spending more time with you, and never made him choose between you or his career. You loved him enough to share him with the rest of the world. You were never each other’s other halves. Instead, you co-existed as separate individuals who made the best team Katsuki’s ever been a part of.

Yellow begins to flicker in and out, but it’s muted behind the black veil of regret. The more Katsuki thinks of your empathy and your love, the stronger the yellow becomes. It finally brightens the black sky, to the point that Katsuki almost has to cover his eyes because it’s like looking into the sun in the middle of the day.

And that’s when it clicks.

He’s burning in color.

You must be conducting this masterpiece from above, using the sky as your canvas and coloring the emotions coming from within him.

He kills his explosions as quickly as he fired them. The fireworks come to an end at the same time. The crowd’s cheers is a fly on the wall to Katsuki.

He falls back, lying flat on the ground and looking up at the sky still shaded in yellow. His chest heaves as he tries to get his breathing back to normal, and the sloppy mixture of sweat and tears continue to slide down his face. The cool breeze is a blessing against the nape of his neck.

He struggles to hold his hands up, they shake as he brings them up to his face. He reignites his quirk with the last bit of strength. The sparks lack their usual vigor as they flutter lazily in his palms. They remind him of fireflies swirling in a jar. For once, the orange doesn’t piss him off.

Has anyone else seen his quirk like this? When he’s not trying to intimidate or take down a villain? The only person he could think of was you. Maybe his quirk wouldn’t be seen as a weapon, maybe he wouldn’t be seen as a villain, if the world saw what he’s seeing right now.

Katsuki sits in this revelation, and the calm that washes over him is nothing like the numbness from before. He’s far from being okay, and he still longs for you in these moments, but Katsuki has a hunch that if you were here right now - holding his hands in yours- his sparks would be burning in your favorite color. And he’s okay with that.

“That is why I believe blue is the true color of hope.”

Katsuki’s phone goes off even in its broken state. His eyes dart between the phone and the gun. He groans as he gets up. His limbs, heavy, after exerting himself. He picks up his phone.

“Hey. Yeah, man, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

Katsuki’s about to hang up when he takes a look at the gun. A reminder of what he was about to do. A decision he could never come back from.

If things turned out different, he would not be here right now.

Just the thought is enough to make Katsuki slide down the wall. He takes a deep breath- his heart beating rapidly at what he’s about to admit aloud for the first time.

“Actually, I’m not okay. I need you to come get me.”

-------------------------------------------------------

The Plus Ultra Chronicle

Musutafu Tower Attack: 06/18/2020

WHEN HOPE PREVAILS:

A DAY OF REMEMBRANCE

By: Yamamoto Ichika

06/18/2021

Today marks the one year anniversary of the 2020 Musutafu Tower Attack. Hundreds gathered this morning in remembrance of the lives lost that night. Several people who’ve lost loved ones in the attack have already come forward with statements.

Of those people, Number 7 Hero, Dynamight, has chosen to sit down with The Plus Ultra Chronicle for an all-exclusive interview. His late wife, Bakugou Y/N, was among the citizens that were held hostage that night. After taking a year sabbatical, he has decided to return to the field of pro-hero work. Here is a snippet of that interview; you can find the full interview here.

“Thank you, Dynamight, for sitting down with us. It is truly an honor. The people want to know- what are your thoughts on what occurred that night? Can you take us through what happened?”

“It was hard on us all. Whether you were at home watching on a screen or out there in person. All of us heroes felt like sh*t- unable to do anything. It’s even worse when you had a personal attachment to a victim like I did.”

“It must’ve been difficult as a hero- having to make quick decisions that forced you to separate your personal life from the objectivity of the situation.”

“If I’m being honest, I couldn’t, and it took a toll on me.”

“Is that why you took the sabbatical?”

“Yes. I constantly questioned the validity of my title. Whether or not I deserved to be called a ‘hero’ if I couldn’t save the one person I vowed to always protect.”

“You’ll be returning to the field next month, and with a new addition to your hero costume. An amulet of what looks to be a blue-colored spark attached to the left side of your chest. It stands out against the black, orange, and green of your costume. What is the meaning of this?”

“When I was at my lowest, my failures were all I could see. But someone once told me that you can’t get any lower when you’re at that point. The only real change you can make is to acknowledge and move forward.”

“A symbol of hope is definitely something we all need right now. What made you decide to finally give an official statement?”

“It is my responsibility to protect the citizens of Japan so this never happens again. But I also think it is important for people to see the shortcomings of the heroes they look up to. We’re human too. We f*ck up. I used to think that made someone weak. Now, I see it as part of the journey. The testament of a true hero.”

253 notes · View notes

borkthemork · 3 years ago

Note

Drabble Request: Anne and Marcy after her rescue

You know what, Anon? You get a 2,600 word draft as a treat. Thank you for your patience!

-----

Anne had read books before.

She wasn't the kind of person to read long-winding literature like the typical bookworms back home, but she did read whatever interested her. From magazines to comics to zoo books about bird mating dances, Anne liked stuff that had meat to it.

Give her enemies to lovers, she'd cheer at the makeouts. Give her gut wrenching biographies about surviving the Himalayas, she'd bawl her eyes out. And if one gave her story about being one's true self under the guise and acceptance of a duck instructor then she'd quack it up and never be heard from again.

There needed to be meat, drama, scenes of people kissing in the rain. Stories were all about getting punched in the gut over some random guy, and that would always be the best part!

So she had no idea why Cynthia Coven never stood out to her.

It might be because of the choppy writing style or perhaps fantasy wasn't her thing, but that didn't make sense to her. After all, she'd read anything as long as it was interesting and somehow the Coven books just…didn't stick?

Sure, Cynthia had a pet squirrel. Anne could find a squirrel at the park anytime. Cynthia had spells, curses, people with talking body parts that shouldn't be talking at all. Okay, cool — ugh, why wasn't she interested? Everything about it seemed right up her alley!

She chalked it up to preferences and moved on.

But somehow, after all these years, the same book fluttered between the pages in her hands. And she found herself narrating, speaking the paragraphs out loud under the green canvas of her tent.

All because the bedridden girl beside her couldn't sleep.

It had been forty-six hours since Anne and the girls united. It felt a lot longer than that, if she wanted to be honest, but all the footing, fighting, and planning they did to get out unharmed from Andrias's castle had taken a toll on them. And for Mar-mar even more so, what with the amount of stuff that went down. A lot of explosions. Crying. Frog-on-frog violence.

So in this tent came privacy. Not enough privacy to basically stop Sprig or Sasha from barging in, but the makeshift walls were one of the most protected cliff faces inside the forests. So they were basically between a rock and a hard place.

And since Amphibia's nature became a hazard to not only the typical frog but aggro robot intruders, nothing got through as a threat in the end. Not even the huge mother frobo that she and Sash fought days prior.

Anne flipped a page.

The cold draft had slipped in and raised goosebumps on her umber skin. It almost seemed surreal that Summer started to transition out with the months passing, but the chirp of birds and the lack of cicada song had marked a new season, and now Anne shivered slightly with her narration.

Marcy's wounds needed to heal. From the remains of the stab wound to the headache to the numerous nicks upon her feet, if she didn't start sleeping then the medicine Maddie gave wouldn't come into effect anytime soon.

And if she didn't snore in the next ten minutes, Sash would have to knock her out with some sleepshroom grub saute and Anne wasn't going to let her get drugged anytime soon.

But from what was currently happening, Anne became unsure.

Marcy's eyes fluttered shut a few times. She would start drifting off at some random part in the story and then jolted back to listening intently as if nothing had happened. Nothing in the book could get her to sleep. Not Cynthia's introduction to werebeasts, her dramatic one-liners, or how she got knocked out for a minute straight from drinking a pint of Canadian beer.

Wait, could teens drink beer in Canada? Gah, that wasn't important!

What was important was that Marcy looked dead — terrifyingly dead — and no matter how much Anne tried to keep her eyes on the words, the fear clung to the recesses of her mind, asking if everything was going to be alright despite the girls' current luck streak.

That maybe this would be the last time she'd ever see Marcy alive. All because she fell asleep.

Anne leveled her voice when these thoughts struck her, and hoped Marcy didn't note the hitch in her throat or how she blinked faster to catch herself from crying.

Because Marcy was strong. She was stronger than people gave her credit for.

Anne peered down. Marcy's thumb had pressed to the side of Anne's fingers, their eyes meeting for a second; one harbored bags under her eyes, the other of worry.

"I promise I'll sleep." Her smile reached her gaze, the weariness plain on her worn out dimples and ashen cheeks. Anne might need a washcloth later. "It's been a long time since I've read the Cynthia Coven series, my brain can't help but pay attention."

"I know, Mar-mar." Anne closed her eyes for a second and let out a relaxed sigh. "Seven months can be pretty long."

"Tell me about it." Marcy's eyes lingered at the ceiling, licking her lips. "I've been so busy with everything that's been happening that I've barely caught up with the latest book."

"Yeah." Anne smiled. "You know they've got a new release out?"

She blinked. Almost as if Anne punched her in the face at that moment. "Are you serious? Aw man, I missed so much."

"Hey, it's alright. It'll be waiting for you when we get back." Besides, Anne already wrapped the edition in a lot of Christmas paper, might as well keep the surprise.

But Marcy still looked miserable. She pouted, letting her sink more into the mattress almost comically, and Anne bit back a laugh when she groaned. "Oh man, I'm so excited, this sucks! At least tell me if Cynthia gets over the Bridge of Quintessence."

"I don't know what that means and besides, you're two books behind, why would you wanna spoil it!"

They shared a laugh and carried on. Anne missed this. She did. In between the page clips and the eagerness flowing in Marcy's voice, it almost seemed like they were back to what they once were: Two girls laughing and making fun of bad jokes, giggling at stuff that didn't make sense in the story. It almost made the worries over Andrias and her parents grow into background noise.

Almost.

Anne perked up. A question had flown past her, and now Marcy stared at her, inquiry clear in her eyes. "Oh, sorry, I zoned out a bit. What'd you say, Marbles?"

"I'm curious, Annarama."

"Curious about what?"

Marcy's eyes traveled over her shoulder for a second. Was it the fatigue? Judging from how she fiddled with her fingers, the question must've been something serious, maybe something about Andrias or what happened back in the castle.

Whatever it was, Anne readied herself as she waited.

And then:

"Is that mine?"

Anne blinked. She ogled her book, then at the bedside table with its medicinal herbs, then the Thai Go logo printed fresh on her shirt. "What's yours?"

She pointed to Anne's waist.

When Anne looked down, the realization struck her like a bat. Under the filtered sunlight, she almost forgot that the yellow jacket around her waist was there to begin with, snug and tight in that hard knot Anne tied everytime she stepped out of the house.

And somehow, it remained clean from countless dimensional hops and Super Saiyan power-ups. And now it was here. Being scrutinized by her and the girl opposite her.

With that, she started to sweat.

Right, that.

A nervous laugh burst out from her mouth, making Marcy stare at her more out of concern.

How was she going to explain that?

"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot!" She rubbed her neck, trying her best to pick out the right reasons in her mind, but nothing stuck out to her. "It's a funny story actually, so funny that you'll probably forget in the morning so why not another time?"

A smile formed. "I don't know, Anne." Her eyes scrunched up too in pleasure, pressing her thumb against Anne's knuckles. "I'm all for sleeping to a comedy. Remember when we watched Borat? I laughed so hard I passed out."

"Oh, Mar-mar, that's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?" She then pulled her hand away, frowning. "Unless I'm pushing you, then I'll just—"

"No, no. You're fine!" What wasn't fine was how her heart pounded against her chest. Or, that the more she tried to take a deep breath, Marcy's growing concern made her laughter sound more like an old man wheezing from an asthma attack.

Anne was about to make a dumbass out of herself and that was fine! As long as she stayed calm and explained then maybe she wouldn't feel nervous about this.

Wait, why was she nervous anyway? It was just a jacket!

Oh, she knew why.

"Okay." Anne placed the book down, trying to regain her breath. Might as well go for it. What was the worst that could happen? Don't answer that. "So you remember how I've been trying to find my way back after I got through the portal?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I didn't want to forget. Not like I would've but I thought you died and I knew taking down Andrias was the only way to avenge you and get Sasha back." Anne sharply inhaled — words speeding past her ears. "So I thought 'Hey, I'll carry your jacket so I don't forget' and I basically wore it around everyday until I finally found a way back. So…"

Marcy's stare didn't help her sweating as she spoke, giving jazz hands to finish it all off. "Here I am. Yeah."

Marcy continued to stare at her. She'd never seen her this gobsmacked before; usually she found a way to ask questions, to let her enthusiasm shine through with eager stride, but now she became a deer in the highlights. All agape. All wide-eyed.

Oh Frog, I broke her.

"Mar-mar, you okay?"

"So you wore my jacket as a reminder to stop Andrias," she asked slowly, "after months of finding a way back?"

Anne puffed out her cheeks. "Maybe?"

"Anne…"

"Okay, okay, yeah." She hung her head, defeat in her voice. "I did."

"Oh." Marcy's eyes widened to the size of saucers, a shaky exhale breaking through. "Oh."

Anne stood up. If she didn't get out in the next fifteen seconds, she was going to explode. "Okay, yep! That's it for the Cynthia Coven series! Goodnight, Mar-mar, I'll check up on you later—!"

"Wait, wait!"

Marcy latched onto her wrist. Her ears pounded on, hard to focus with her sweaty palms and the shallowness of her breath. Because this whole situation was awkward and weird and it made her feel funny things in her heart and darn it Anne should've handled this back on Earth — not while they were stuck in the middle of a Frog darn war!

"Anne, please look at me."

She did.

When she turned, the sight surprised her. Marcy's cheeks had darkened considerably as they held each other's gazes, the hold on her arm still having them tethered to one another.

Then the touch loosened slightly. It didn't speak of fear nor did it speak of pain. It didn't speak of the desperation Marcy once had when she held her fists in the broken halls of the Newtopian castle. What Anne instead found was reassurance. A reassurance in their interlocked hands, at how they gazed intently under the tent canvas, a heat creeping well onto Anne's cheeks too.

"It's really sweet that you wore my jacket like that." Marcy then bore down at the bedding lines, almost squeaking her words. "And very clever! Yeah! Because a physical reminder is a great alternative to notebooks and to-do list, and since my jacket has emotional connotations to me, of course you'd wear it! It just makes sense."

Marcy coughed into her sleeve, words almost a whisper. "You've always been good at improvising, after all."

"Mar-mar..."

"And thank you."

Anne stopped. She could've honed in on the bustling Wartwoodians outside. Or the rustle of the forest trees. But she focused on the comforting tap of Marcy's fingers, and the gleam in the girl's eyes — almost as if Marcy was about to cry.

"You've always been kind," she murmured. Her fingers trailed circles on Anne's palms, leaving her to shudder slightly under the touch. Especially when Marcy's eyes grew half-lidded. Remorse on her lips. "And to know you worked so hard after everything I did to you and Sash, I don't how I'll ever make it up for it."

"You don't have to do that," she said. Her words drifted between them, remembering what Mrs. Wu said a few months ago: That Marcy was the best out of all of them. Because she always needed to be. "What Andrias did was not your fault, and I'll beat him again if he ever makes you think it is."

"Besides," she said, putting on a smile. "Having you beside me has always been enough. Honest."

But Marcy's grief remained on her face, unspoken as her fingers faltered their dragging on Anne's palms.

Because she wanted to hold her hand instead, both their fingers trembling from the bedridden girl's arm.

"Anne, I hurt you. I did. No matter how much I try to justify myself, I still omitted everything about what I knew." Her eyebrows furrowed, glaring more at their shaky hands. "I was selfish. I wasn't honest."

"Don't say that. You didn't know this would happen, I understand this now."

"But you're still angry." Marcy sighed. "I know you are."

The conifers rustled silently. The faraway bugs whistled, occupying each interval as they held hands, their gazes observing anything but the other. Until Anne couldn't think up a better excuse anymore.

As much as Anne tried to forgive, there was something frightening about the resentment in her skin, underneath all that warmth. It went against every lesson she learned. Every lesson of compassion. Or maybe she was just denying it for what it truly was — a tight angry wound that had reason to exist as much as their handlock.

Her body sagged at the thought. She'd gotten so far, trying to deny anything about herself would reverse so much.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I'm still mad. I don't want to be, but I am. But that doesn't mean I was gonna leave you guys in the middle of a war." The next words were under her breath. "I never wanted you guys to get hurt in the first place."

Marcy brushed her knuckles. "Take as much time as you need."

"I think a few months is enough."

"Or a year."

A smile. "Maybe more."

And Anne held her hand until the silence heard their heartbeats. Until their smiles returned slowly, surely.

"I talked to Sasha before you came in," Marcy said.

"You did?"

She nodded. "Mhm. And I don't know if she told you this, but we both agreed to a concordance." Marcy faltered. "An agreement I mean."

Anne snorted. "You don't have to dumb yourself down around me."

"Heyy, I'm not, I just don't want this to sound...clinical."

"Right."

The younger girl shuffled closer to her, which was surprising enough with the limited room on the bed itself. But when Anne held her eyes, there came recognition of something new. Was it relief? Worry?

"What we agreed on is that you don't have to forgive us. Maybe you'll be mad at us for a long time—"

"Mar-mar, I'm not—"

"Let me finish," she said softly. Anne hesitated. She resolved to caress Marcy's knuckles instead, and, of course, she didn't seem to mind. "Whatever happens, whatever you decide, we're not going to abandon you. If you want us out of your life, we'll respect it. If you want us to stay, then we'll respect that too."

Marcy inhaled, slow and careful.

"And when you're ready, I'll make sure to be close by."

There had been times where Anne couldn’t predict what her future held. There had been numerous moments where Anne wanted to quit, to get angry, to question how her life hit upon all these coincidences like pinball and found herself in the most surprising of situations.

But when Marcy finished, stared at her, waiting for her to let her statement sink in, everything seemed to click in place. For just a single moment.

Each word had come out resilient, well thought-out. Anne could imagine the planning so clearly: How Sasha and Marcy sat in the same positions as them, sat with their heads together as they discussed what to say. And the more Anne listened, she could only hope that Sasha was just around the corner, ready to say the same things in her own Sasha-like way.

But for now, they gripped each other's hands, squeezed their fingers until Anne could only think of the heat. The burn in her nose. Then the bit-back sob and her trembling lip as Marcy pressed a thumb carefully to Anne's cheek, rubbing the tear trail away.

Because out of everything Anne predicted to find at the other end of the portal, it wasn’t this.

"You promise?"

Marcy smiled, the ends of her lips twitching weakly. "I promise this time." Her voice broke. "I do."

With it, came the waterworks.

#amphibia #marcanne #annarcy #asks #Anonymous #fanfic #this took weeks to write here ya go

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