#miguel o hara angst

[moralesluvr]

what do you think miguel’s reaction would be if you told him that he scares you?

oh boy.

you're safe with me ft. miguel o'hara

♡ pairings & aus: miguel o'hara x black!fem!reader ♡ summary: after getting into a heated argument with your boyfriend, you tell him that he's scaring you, which crumbles his heart ♡ warnings: miguel being OD per usual bc why are you yelling rn? angst with a happy ending ♡ a/n: first miggy fic woop woop ur the best for requesting this! love ya ♡ got a request? | masterlist ♡

YOU WEREN'T CRYING UNTIL HE SAID IT.

You weren't crying until Miguel starting lashing out at you, angrily balling up wads of important papers and hurling them at the wall, whether you happened to be a barrier between it and the papers, it wasn't really his concern right now. All he cared about was getting this new burst of anger out, and of course, it had to be something to do with you.

Miguel loved you, you knew this. He's said it, he's shown it to you, and he has no problem admitting it to other people. But sometimes you felt as if a person really loved you, why on earth would they be acting like this?

He stood behind his work station, fists angrily swelling as they curled themselves up into a ball. You could hear him breathing, but he refused to speak to you, because he knew that he would say things that he'd immediately regret if he did.

You, on the other hand, were standing up against the wall, now useless papers littered at your feet. Sniffled sobs ricocheted off of the brickwork behind you, your tears behind caressed by the wood floors that you stood on. You started for the door before stopping in your tracks, "Miguel. Look at me."

At first, he doesn't. But when he doesn't hear your footsteps fading to walk out, he slowly pivots on his heel, walking over to you heavily. You look up at his deep brown eyes, murmuring softly, "You....Y-You scared me. And I'm not...I'm not talking about past tense, either. You scare me, Miguel. I am scared of you."

You watched as the man before you crumbled at the mention of you being scared at him. Never in your life have you seen him look so sad, so downhearted, like he had been defeated by his own actions. His eyes are glossy as he reaches for you, and you subtly flinch, but he picks up on it.

"I..." He starts, biting the inside of his cheek at a loss for words. His big, calloused hand comes up to hold your cheek, which you sink into his palm when he caresses you. "I'm sorry, cariño, I-I didn't mean to...scare you." He whispers the last part of the sentence like it's a plague, as if he was disgusted by the contents of your conversation. You sniffle and look up at him through wet eyelashes, "'S okay."

"No, no, it's not." Miguel protests, shaking his head at your sweet response. He then brings both hands up to your face as he holds you dearly, so tender, as if he's scared to cause any harm to you.

He continues to talk, "Ay coño, mi preciosa. I hope you're not afraid of me-- I don't want you to be. You shouldn't have to be. You deserve better than that."

"Then be better, Miguel." You stated, your jaw hardening. He picks up on that and he rubs his thumb along your jawline and cheeks, murmuring sweet nothings and apologies to you. He nods,

"I will, I promise, I will."

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 ☻ thank you for reading!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @enj4i // @chrissytalia // @chaoticevilbakugo // @motheroffae

𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑-𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓🕷️: @queenesther996 //@sukunas-slutty-bitch // @c3f21 // @wydney // @rinnyisnothere // @brieryann // @moisttowllet // @Dee-m-cee // @liliummz // @starhrtz // @daisydark // @randomhoex // @solanawrld // @whore4hobie // @tanakaslastbraincell // @simp4miguell // @nyrovi3 // @my3tumbles // @aziulsworld // @enchantingfoxsparkles // @mancerseedu // @cafehyunji // @personofyou // @mcdvsr // @kopiivie // @ellatienesuscosas // @venuswash3re // @calliarlerte // @pr0wlerpunk // @tzuyuzzs // @wisepoetrycheesecake // @clearskiiiess // @d3atht3hek1d // @vienreina // @pixqlsin // @caulifloweron // @aizawassimpblog // @stvrgrl // @zerosinterweb // @ishqani // @mookiebut

𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐋 𝐎'𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ♧: @lipstickstainedshells // @mmst4rz // @ilyless // @lordbugs

[st4rymoon]

 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘵. 2

｡⋆⸜ ˖ ࣪◦ Miguel x afab Reader

Warnings - Angst, fluff, kissing, arguing, language

a/n: this will be the last part to this part but I will be continuing other stories connected to this plot! So no worries it won’t end, It���ll just not continue in this order! Thank you for all the support on my previous story btw<3 hope you enjoy!

Continuation to this series (Pt.3) → Say It

You don’t know how long you were in Miguel’s arms. He didn’t bother moving you after he cleaned the both of you up. His fingers ran down your arm as he watched your chest rise with every breath.

“As much as I’d love to stay like this, I think someone will come knocking soon” Miguel chuckled. “I know” you sighed as you got up from his lap.

You don’t remember how or when Miguel put on your panties and bra, and both of you put on your suits while his eyes never left you as you struggled to put on your suit.

“Let me help” he hummed as he repeated the actions he did a few minutes ago. His fingers curled the hem of your suit and pressed the button on your suit, causing it to tighten around your body.

“Hermosa” his voice vibrated through you as he planted a kiss on your neck. “Miguel…” you moaned as his hands snaked onto your hips. [t: beautiful]

“MIGUEL I FOUND SOMETHING” You heard a boy's voice boom from the other side of the door followed him his loud knocks.

“For fuck sake this kid drives me crazy” Miguel groans while running a hand through his hair. “WHAT MILES!” Miguel yelled as you rummaged to put his desk back together.

You walked towards the door as Miguel was about to open it “Don’t leave ok?” You swear you could hear a hint of plead in his voice. “Can’t make any promises” you coo as you kiss him on the cheek.

You can see him stiffen at your actions. You chuckle as he opened the door but before you walked off he pulled you into a kiss. “Migue- oh” Miles gasped as he saw the man he believed had no emotions kiss someone with a smile on his face.

“A new spider?! Who are you, I’m Miles! You know Miguel?” The boy blabbered on seeming to forget what he originally went there to say.

“Miles leave her alone what do you want”

“Trust me that’s not important anymore. GWEN GWEN THERES A NEW SPIDER!” The young boy yelled as he ran up to you.

“You know miles? It’s miles right?” You ask “Yep it is!” He nods enthusiastically “Gwen is the one that found me so I’m pretty sure you don’t have to yell for her” you chuckle.

“No way really? I swear she never tells me anything” he pouted. You could hear Miguel walking behind you but he didn’t bother interrupting your conversation.

He couldn’t help but smile when he saw you talking to Miles, he wondered if you were good with kids. He frowned at the thought of it. He’s always wanted another child but the thought of having another made his mind go places he didn’t like remembering.

He felt like having another child would be shameful. He felt like he would be forgetting the past life he had if he even thought about having another.

He snapped out of his thoughts quickly. He barely met you why was he acting like this would go anywhere?

As miles was talking about how surprised he was Miguel hasn’t yelled at him yet, you swore you could hear a baby.

“What is that?” You perked up “What’s what?” Miles questioned. You stopped in your tracks allowing Miguel to catch up. “That noise? It sounds like a baby?”

“Ahh that’s May, peter has been looking for her all day” Miguel smiled. You followed the noise, the distant coos and banging got louder as you walked into a room.

You were in a library now, your eyes shooting up to the left and seeing a ginger-headed baby crawling on the wall. “PETER MAY IS IN HERE!” Miles yelled as he ran out of the room to find Peter.

“So Peter is her dad right?” You asked as you turned to look at Miguel and all he did was nod.

“Hey, May? Come down! Your dad has been looking for you!” You said in a soft tone. May crawled down the side of the bookcases and fell into your hands. You laughed as she crawled her way onto your head.

“Aren’t you a cutie!” You smiled as her ocean blue eyes looked at you with a smile on her face from over your head. She poked at your cheeks, now on your shoulder as she played with your hair.

“She’s adorable” You smiled at Miguel as he watched you with his arms crossed. He smiled weakly at you, you could tell he was forcing the smile. “You ok?” You question as you walked up to him with May still poking at you.

His eyes widened at your question. He’s never met anyone who knew how he was feeling with just one look at him. Both times he was keeping his emotions to himself you managed to always ask if he was ok.

It was relieving to hear someone ask him how he was doing. “Yeah, yeah why wouldn’t I” he smiled. You nodded, not wanting to press him further as you watched him sink into his thoughts.

“FINALLY! MAY! New spider chick I hope you stay here for a while because those ears of yours will grant me some peace of mind” Peter groaned as he picked up May from your shoulders.

“You rascal how did you manage to end up here”

Peter turned to Miguel, his eyes traveling up to look him in the eyes with a hint of confusion. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing gosh!” Miguel slightly yelled as he felt the number of questions was making him anxious. He didn’t mind when he heard you ask him, but hearing it from Peter just made his blood boil for some reason.

You ran up to Miguel’s side as he was walking away “You told me not to leave and now your leaving? Such a douche move” you fake cried.

He looked down at your trying to hide his smile “Oh shut it I’m not leaving you, I’m just leaving the vicinity” he chuckled as he wrapped an arm around you.

You didn’t hesitate to lean into him, laughing along with him as you hugged onto his side.

“What the fuck?” You heard Gwen gasp. Miguel noticed everyone staring, his arm moving away from you as he cleared his throat. You didn’t mind his actions, you could tell Miguel wasn’t used to showing any emotion other than rage or annoyance around anyone.

You backed away from him slightly hoping to let him loosen up since he was so tense. “I’m not sure how long she’ll be staying, but she is always welcome” Miguel announced.

“So what do you know about the multiverse?” You heard a spider with spikes on its suit mutter “I explained everything to Miguel, I know very little” You nodded.

“You single?” You heard another ask. You laughed at their comment “Obviously I am” you nodded. You looked over at Miguel from the corner of your eye.

“Miguel, could I talk to you for a moment?” You blurted out suddenly. The others looked at you with curiosity “You grew a liking to that grumpy man already? That’s the first” Miles joked.

“Well this grumpy man isn’t so bad” you tease as you nudge Miguel with your shoulder. You pull Miguel to the side, hiding behind a wall enough for no one to hear your conversation.

“As much as I want to stay I have to go back for a little Miguel” you sigh “I didn’t bring my phone and who knows what’s going on over there, I know Strange will yell at me for being gone so long. You know time mostly likely works differently here ” you chuckle.

You see Miguel’s face sadden at your words “Wh- I- of course don’t worry” he replied. “I’ll come back I promise” you nod.

“Why are you promising? It isn’t like we’re anything to each other” he shrugged. He could see your face drain from the happiness it once had. He felt like shit once he saw you nod.

“Um… you’re right. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed anything” You nod. “Assume? What did you assume huh? Something would happen more than just sex?” His voice loudened slightly.

You felt your face burn from embarrassment. Why was he acting like such an ass suddenly?

“Well I assumed it since you did say you wanted to get to know me but obviously I was just some thing to fuck to you which is fine. I just should’ve known someone like you doesn’t mean what they say” you seethed.

Miguel could feel his heart pumping in his chest. He was processing your words, he thought you wouldn’t want to get to know him. Honestly, he wished you had forgotten about it just in case you’d never want anything between the both of you to save himself the embarrassment.

“It’s not like that” Miguel shook his head. “Oh sure it isn’t. You just fucking lectured me about how this isn’t anything more than sex” you hissed as you pointed a finger at his chest.

Miguel wasn’t good with words, he hated that about himself. He did the thing he knew would speak louder than his words. He pulled you onto his chest, kissing you passionately as he cupped your face “I’m sorry. I really am muñeca, I'm not good with words” he sighed. [t: doll]

He pulled away from you before pressing one last kiss onto your lips. “Well I’d appreciate it if you talked to me about it and not make me feel like shit” you sighed. “I will, I promise” he reassured.

“Why don’t you come with me? To see my universe for a bit? I mean I just need to check up on everything and you could talk to strange although I’m not sure he’ll say much” you smiled. You were excited at the idea, Miguel wanted to meet Dr. Strange and you’d both be able to spend time together.

You just had to prepare yourself for the lecture Strange would give. “Yeah I’d love you” Miguel lit up at your invitation “I’d just have to make sure someone can keep charge here but yeah” he nodded.

He pulled you into a kiss again, humming into you as his hand snaked onto the nape of your neck “What’ll strange think knowing I came in you huh? What type of incursion will that do?” Miguel chuckled.

“Well, who said I was pregnant? Maybe the birth control I was on a few months ago is lingering” you chuckled. “Mmmh, maybe it will maybe it won’t” he hummed onto your lips. “OH MY GOD!” Gwen yelled.

You looked behind Miguel and saw a few of the spiders looking at the both of you kissing. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that Gwen” Miles shrugged.

“Just like I thought!” Peter clapped his hands “knew there was something off with you Miguel. Finally, you’ll have someone else to annoy” Peter added.

“He isn’t annoying with me” you smiled. Miguel didn’t turn around, he just had an annoyed look on his face knowing the moment between the two of you was ruined.

“You little shits always ruin everything” Miguel groaned. “I was about to ask you out you know” Miguel whispered.

“Well it would’ve been a yes either way” you returned in a whisper.

“Well if we pretend that never happened, would you like to be so lucky and date” he cooed. You laughed at his condescending words “I do acknowledge how lucky you’ll be dating ME so yes. I would love to” You smiled as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

He couldn’t control the smile he had on his face, his hand tangled into your hair, allowing him to pull you into a kiss. “I genuinely never expected you to ever see you smile or even date anyone” Miles said.

The both of you realized they were watching “Again, always ruining the moment” Miguel groans in annoyance.

Tag list: @tati-the-fangirl @taleiak @prodyng @zelzablues

[cherryredstars]

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: Some Fluff, Talk of Death/Afterlife, Suggested Depression, Suggested Self-Harm, Suggested Breakdown, Suggested Anxiety, Light Smut

Word Count: 3.7K

“I recognized you instantly. All of our lives flashed through my mind in a split second. I felt a pull so strongly towards you that I almost couldn't stop it.” ― J. Sterling

It was a hot and humid day. The type of days Miguel hates the most in September because the heat made him uncomfortable and the humidity made his hair frizzy and lose its shape. It was even worse while sitting in a stuffy classroom with ACs that never worked. The rooms were always filled with the strong smell of teenage bodies and dust from janitorial neglection over the summer months. In addition, the beginning weeks of school were a bore with nothing to actually do but sit there and listen to underpaid teachers repeat the same school rules they hear in the beginning of every school semester. 

He was sure he was about to fall asleep at that moment. The heat made him drowsy and the monotone voice of his teacher morphed into white noise. It was nearing the end of the day anyways, and too early into the school year for any teachers to give enough of a shit to write anyone up. He couldn’t take another second of school expectations and the disgusting mix of AXE body spray and floral perfume. But, now when he thinks back on that boring class, he can’t take it on himself to fully hate it. Because, in the same second that he looked toward the clock above the door to check the time, his life changed forever. 

It was instant. Maybe not instant instant, but it was just quick enough to call it instant. She had come in late. Very late with a chest that heaved and tried to keep her rapidly beating heart in her body. Sweat made the front pieces of her hair stick to her face, flushed from the way she had run down the hall to make it to class. Of course, in that moment Miguel found her less than ideal, but he knows now that even in that stuffy school uniform the academy mandated every student to wear, she was the most beautiful goddamn thing that walked the entire earth. And when she spoke to give her name for attendance, a voice and name that will haunt Miguel until he takes his last breath, he knew their lives would be forever intertwined. 

That thought was concrete the second you had walked down the same row of desks as him, stopping at the desk directly in front of him. The smell of sweetness and a bit of sweat, a smell that only comes to him in the early mornings when he isn’t really awake or asleep, instantly overpowered any other smell in the room. If he skips ahead, he can remember nearly every instance in which he leaned his stomach against the hard edge of the desk to get a stronger smell, everytime he held up a piece of your hair to his face, everytime he snuck out of your bedroom window smelling like you after spending the night making love. But, Miguel is a man who follows a strict timeline, who revels in the chronological order of things. 

Instead, he focuses on the first time he had the chance to talk to you. Despite you being only a desk away, it took a few months to hold an actual conversation that was more than, “Do you have an extra pencil?” or “Did you write down the last bullet of that slide?” Despite the lack of communication, the younger Miguel had developed a slight crush on you. He had seen you in the halls between classes and he focused more on you than on the board in class. In all honesty, the delay in conversation was purely your fault. You were an energetic girl, not popular but well known. Someone was always talking to you at your desk in the beginning and end of class. Always laughing with you about something stupid that happened early that day, always asking for help for an upcoming test or assignment, always taking up your time. He could never be mad about it, though. Even if it meant he had lost an extra few months with you. It was okay because even if those months weren’t with you, they were of you. Months filled with the sound of your voice, the addicting sound of your laugh, the glimpses of your smile and shiny eyes. Moments that fill his head when he sleeps at night and when he gets lost in a daydream. 

You had turned to him, asking him about some party one of his friends at the time was planning because he had turned 18. They’re simple, small questions: “What was the address again?”, “Anyone is invited, right?”, “What’s the dress code? Is there a theme?”, “Are you going?”. He had to bite his tongue to stop from scaring you off with manic answers. Yes, anyone is invited but don’t bring some random guy with you. Bring me with you instead. The dress code doesn’t matter because you’ll look stunning in anything you wear. I only want to go if you go. 

“You… only want to go if I go?” You had asked. Your voice was decorated with a confused giggle and your ears had glowed pink. 

Miguel blinked up at you with his own confusion. He had yet to realize his last words had bubbled out of his chest until you were giggling and eyeing him shyly. He was quick to cover his face as it grew warm, and he let out a groan while cursing himself. You had laughed harder then, eyes shining with a build-up of tears as you clutched your stomach. Miguel had spread his fingers slightly so he could peak through them. You were a sight to behold with that enchanting laughter and infatuating smile. He couldn’t keep himself from smiling against his palms. When you had finally reduced your amusement to a toothy smile, you had gently pried Miguel’s hands off his face just enough to see him. 

He was sure he looked stupid, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide over the fact you were touching him. Your hands were warm and small against his and he swore his heart was trying to rip open his chest so it could run to you. He almost went dizzy when your thumb stroked his hands in a comforting manner in hopes of easing his embarrassment. He had never wanted to kiss someone so badly before. Would you have minded? God he really hoped you wouldn’t.

“Miguel?” You sang, a teasing smile on your face as you looked at him, “Are you there?”

Say it again. Say my name again, please. You’re the only person ever allowed to say it ever again. God, he was losing his mind. He still is losing it over you. Every goddamn day. Miguel doesn’t think he’ll ever get it back. You took it from him. His mind, his body, his soul. You took everything from him. It’s yours. It’s yours, it’s yours, it’s yours.

Please, give it back to me.

When he had finally responded to you, your smile had shone brighter and you asked him a question that still leaves his mind dumbstruck when he thinks back on it: What time do you want to pick me up? He remembers the way his breath flew out of his lungs, how his heart had paused and then started running again. Remembers the way your throat bobbed slightly, probably because you had regretted asking the question or maybe, he hopes this is why because he never thought to ask you, maybe because you were nervous too. Just maybe you had wanted to talk to him before this life altering moment. Maybe, somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew you were tied to this fool of a boy too. 

He had stuttered out a pathetic ‘what?’ and you had rolled your eyes playfully in response. You ditched repeating the question and had instead given him a time and your address before getting up as the bell rang. While you walked out the door with a small wave and big smile, Miguel sat there in an astonished daze blinking at the board. Time seemed to stop as everyone else around him started walking past him to their next classes. It wasn’t until his friend walked past, jolting him with a slap on the back and a whispered, ‘good work, dude’ before walking out the door that he came back to his senses. It was only then that the conversation finally registered in Miguel’s dazzled brain. He leaned forward and hid his face in his hands again as he closed his eyes and his mouth formed a large smile. 

He had a date. He had a date with you.

His shoulders shook with a silent, delirious laugh.

☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆

Miguel knew he was in love. Or, he knew he was going to be in love. It’s complicated to describe, that nagging feeling that wasn’t exactly scary but wasn’t completely comforting either. It’s even weirder feeling it. Having your mind constantly crying out go home, go home, go home but your body pulls you away from every building and straight towards another body like you’re tethered together. Like he’s tethered to you. Sometimes, when Miguel closes his eyes and really concentrates, he can still feel that sharp tug at the center of his chest that tries to bring him somewhere that he tries to get further and further away from. 

He can’t lie and say it wasn’t the big things that made him think, know, he was in love. Because it was. But it was also the small things. Like when you found out what his favorite color was, yellow despite popular belief, and how you had come into school the next week with your nails done in the exact shade you had made him show you on his phone. Or that time he had seen your phone light up in class and your display had revealed that you were listening to the same song he was mumbling under his breath the day before on repeat. It was the collection of those small details that made his heart beat a bit faster and for his smile to tick up behind his hand.

And it was that first kiss. That damned first kiss that Miguel can still feel ghosting against his lips. That he feels on his bad days like some sort of silent encouragement that he will get through it. Swears those phantom lips are what pulls him out of his night terrors as if to protect him as he pants and cries in those late hours. The same kiss that he wishes he could feel forever and ever and simultaneously burn from memory. Sometimes, he thinks about pulling some poor, unsuspecting stranger off the street and kissing them to see if it would feel the same. When he thinks like that, he instantly goes to the bathroom and dry heaves until his throat hurts. Of course it would never feel the same, what a silly idea. What a betrayal and discourtesy towards you to even entertain the idea. 

The kiss had happened weeks after the party. In between those two moments had been brushed hands, glances in the hallways, and not so subtle flirting whispered during lessons. Each moment had Miguel’s face flushing and heart racing. It left him with a craving for you. So, when you had invited him to study with you in the library, he had eagerly nodded despite knowing he would ace the test without looking over any of his notes. He would be too busy looking at you either way to focus on his chicken scratch. 

You hadn’t gotten much studying done that day either. Instead, Miguel had distracted you with whispered words in your ears that caused you to quietly giggle and smile up at him. He can remember every detail. From the way your cheeks grew to match the pink of your lips, how you had fiddled with the mechanical pencil in your hand, how your eyes had twinkled as you leaned towards him. He remembers how you had grabbed his hand, a soft and gentle touch, asking him to come with you to find a book you needed. Remembers how you had pulled him towards the back shelves filled with encyclopedias with bug-bitten pages. Can still remember the slight dizzy feeling he had when you pulled him around one of the old bookshelves and pressed him into it. Can still feel the hands pressed against his chest to hold him in place as you peaked around the corner in case anyone was coming over. He remembers the notes he chuckled as he asked you what you were doing. Can see the smile you gave him before you pulled him down for the only kiss that will ever matter in his entire life. 

Your lips were soft and tasted like the cherry lip gloss you wore. He had furrowed his brows as his hands came to squeeze your waist while he moved his mouth over yours. He memorized the trail your hands took as they traveled up his chest and tangled in his hair. He can replicate the way his vocal cords shifted as he let out that satisfied groan when you allowed him to slip his tongue into your mouth. If he were to look down at his hand right now, he could swear the creases of his palms still have your sticky gloss stuck in them from when he had turned you around to press you against the shelves, but his desperation caused books to fall and his hand went to cover your mouth as you pulled away and started laughing. He had smiled down at you and buried his head in the crook of your neck to muffle his own laughter. He never regretted getting detention for the next few days when the librarian had found the both of you. It just gave him more chances to kiss you when the detention instructor fell asleep. 

It was during one of those detention kisses that he had whispered against your lips to be his girlfriend. You had answered with another kiss and a delighted yes.

☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆

It had been a month or two after the one year anniversary that he finally made love to you. It was sometime in the later months of senior year. Another hot and humid day. But instead of being in a classroom, he had been in your room. Miguel remembers that your sheets had been white with a small flower print, throw pillows and blankets making up for the lack of color. They were soft under the material of his jeans as he held you while you cried. 

On that day, your usually clean room was in shatters. Things ripped from your walls, notebooks and papers shoved off your desk, clothes taken off hangers and thrown on the floor. The only things that had survived had been pictures of the two of you and your bed. He had gotten a call from your frantic mother, begging him to come calm you down. That he was the only one that can get through the fog in your mind. He had rushed over, your mother opening the door for him so he could run up the stairs to your room. When he had thrown open the door, his chest broke in a way that made it almost impossible to breathe. He rubs his chest whenever he thinks back to it, like the heartbreak is still there.  

You had thrown yourself in a corner, sobbing and rocking yourself back and forth in a way to seek comfort. The mess of your room had surrounded you, barricading you from everything else. When the door knocked into the wall, your face had left your arms and tear-beaded lashes blinked up at him. You had cried harder when you had seen him. He had strived towards you, picking you up easily off the ground and away from the chaos on your floor. He cradled you in his arms, your legs wrapping around his hips as you cried tears into his T-shirt. He had whispered soft, caring words into your ear, an arm wrapped around your waist and a hand in your hair. 

You had cried for another hour, hiccuping watery words about a scary future. A life of uncertainties and insecurities. A life where you ended up alone and scared and desperate to get by. A world where dreams don’t exist and your greatest fears consume you. Days where you don’t know how to get out of bed and shut up the nasty voices in your head. Minutes where you’re tempted to listen to them and then the hours that follow where you hate yourself for contemplating it. If Miguel were to go into his closet right now, he can find the same shirt he wore. A single shoulder lingering with black splotches of mascara that never fully washed away. Each splotch represents a worry you had trusted him with. 

He had pressed you closer to him, whispering ‘it’s not your fault’, over and over and over again until his throat ached and your cries had died down to soft trembling. Another hour was spent in silence as he had just held you. His hands playing mindlessly with your hair and your breath tickling his neck. The sun had begun to set and a golden glow had lit up your bed in a yellow color.

“It’s your favorite shade,” You had whispered in a broken voice. It was scratchy and rough. Miguel thought it sounded just as lovely as it always has. It reminds him of a pipe organ, beautiful but sad. 

He had to turn around to see what you were talking about. He turned his head slightly to see your hand outstretched, fingers playing as the light spilled from them. He can’t remember a time where you looked so peaceful. He had watched your hand, before nodding his head in agreement. “Yes, it is.”

He reached his hand out, taking a hold of yours gently and connecting his fingers with yours like a puzzle. He brought his hands back towards the both of you, bringing it up to his lips and kissing your knuckles. He watched your eyes, red and puffy from crying. He held your hand to his mouth for a while, his thumb stroking the skin. When he had finally dropped your hand, you leaned forward to rest your forehead against his, just staring into his eyes. Your scent instantly filled his nose. It is the same smell that he has stored in his bedside drawer in a glass bottle. He never sprays it in his room, just holds it to his nose with closed eyes and pretends you’re right next to him again.

“I love you.” The words were sweet and poured warmth onto his skin. He closed his eyes and sat there, letting your words echo in his head until he memorized how each letter and syllable sounded when it left your lips. 

Miguel remembers the strength he used to grab your waist as he connected your lips to his. Remembers that the kiss was different from any other kiss the two of you had shared before this. He still can’t describe why it was different, but he can still feel it in his bones. He remembers pushing his body into yours and you pushing back. Even though his eyes were closed in the moment, he can see everything clearly in his mind, as if he were a phantom watching it. Can see the exact placement of your hands on his shoulders, can see the way your lips parted and the soft noise you made when he had flipped the two of you over and laid you on your back. 

Those soft, soft noises that split his chest open so his heart can absorb them and keep them safe. He remembers every soft pant and plead you had whispered into the air of your room as he stripped you of your clothes, kissing trails down your body. The giggle you had let out when he almost tripped taking off his pants is still trapped between those plaster walls. The soft feeling of your skin under his was like a cloud, your body warmth the sun. He remembers the halo your hair made as the dying sunlight bathed your face and caused your eyes to shine and for your skin to glow. He remembers the light dimming from your face as he slid slowly into you. He had immediately apologized as you whimpered in temporary pain. 

He had slowly moved inside you, taking his time as you held him close to your body. The soft moans of his name traveled through shivers that rode down his spine, the sounds quiet to not alert your parents. His response was the repeated saying of I love you, over and over again. He repeated it, looking down at your face, into your eyes, so you could see the realness and vulnerability of the words. He made sure you felt it as he grabbed onto your skin and buried his head into your neck as he thrusted. He felt the love you had for him in every scratch down his back and tightening of your walls around him. 

He remembers trying to hold on to his pleasure before it exploded right after yours. He had panted as he looked down at you, your breaths mixing together. He had kissed you softly as he pulled his softening member out of you and you smiled against his lips. He had laid with you for a while before getting up, grabbing his discarded shirt and wiping you down before taking you into his arms again and falling asleep. He held you close to his chest, both of you naked under your blankets as the moonlight glowed against the two of you. 

The next morning, he drove you to the closest drug store. The both of you walked to the counter smelling like each other as he paid for a Plan B pill and snacks. It was a story you and him laughed about on the rooftop of your house the night you both graduated from Pym Academy.

CHAPTER 2- THEN: THE CANON

[crepuscularious]

mad

theres something that gets me inspired by songs lmao

ofc, by the title its inspired by ne-yo's mad which is trending in tiktok and is giving me so much memories LMADKDJALD

sorry if my miguel isnt really canon lol, i just think he'd be more open and shit with his s/o than his co-workers lol

miguel x reader angst to fluff (duhh)

"i dont wanna go to bed (mad at you)"

arguments with miguel are... something

the both of you are stubborn, you dont want to loose the fight but he just wants to understand the whole story (which is impossible with his spanish accents)

"i've told you a thousand times, i was out late because of work! you know how i have to be in certain places in certain plans as spiderman!" miguel exclaims, youve heard this before...

"and i said, that's not what lyla told me, miguel! why cant you just tell me the truth!?" you replied, almost yelling at your significant other.

"why can't you just believe me? besides, you aren't my mom, i don't have to tell you about my whereabouts every time." he says and you start to give him the look

"excuse me!? so me wanting to know where my boyfriend is possessive now? what, i can't care whether or not you're safe?"you replied

"you know the consequences of dating me, (y/n). if you cant handle that then maybe we shouldnt have even met" he said which was supposed to be in a jokingly matter, but he looks at you and his heart just shatters

the look of hurt and unease plastered on your face, you look down staring at the floor. trying to hide those glossy eyes, tears begging to be released...

"i- wait-" miguel tries to stop you but you were already on the way to your shared room with your boyfriend.

"why did he say such words, is he starting to regret asking me out? am i not enough? was i the one wrong in the argument?" thoughts that circled around your head as you silently cried, hugging the pillow and hiding your sobs.

you didn't know what to do, you were starting to slightly panic. whats gonna happen next, whats he going to do to you, are you two gonna brea-

"mi vida" a voice behind the door says "can i come in, please?"

no, say no. dont give in

"mhm" you hummed silently, but enough for miguel to hear. he opens the door, seeing you in a fetus position like a baby made his heart beat a little bit too much. he goes to your side of the bed and tucks the stray hair hiding your crying face behind your ear

"lo siento, mi amor... i never and will never, mean any of the words i had said. i love you too much, and i dont regret a thing. ever since the day we met, today and forever, amor." he says as he kisses your forehead and apologizes non-stop

"forgive me, please? i cant sleep knowing you're mad at me"

end

[drefear]

Lost in the Lies of Us, Lost, Ain't no Finding Us

Inspired by @ofherdesire series of toxic Miguel, the characters are all theirs (aside from Miguel lol)

TW: arguing, cheating, lol bits of smut, toxicity, gaslighting, violence, crazy shit y’all.

“And if you wondered if I hate you, I do”

The day was bright and Miguel squinted at the sunlight. It was the next day, and he sighed as his doors opened.

“Peter, I don’t have time for-”

“You broke up with me through Lyla?” Her voice rang out and echoed around the metal structure, making the muscles in Miguel’s shoulders tense.

“I didn’t want to deal with this.” He turns and she’s already up on his platform, leaning to one hip with her arms folded over the yellow emblem on her chest.

“You mean you didn’t want to deal with me.” She shot back and he groaned, running his talons through his hair and feeling the knots pull against his scalp.

“I don’t even know you anymore!” He yelled and took a step towards her, his presence drowning compared to her thin physique. She backed away instinctually and he huffed through his nose. “Solías ser mi sol, pero ahora solo me muestras tu oscuridad.” He grumbled and turned away, “This doesn’t have to be so dramatic, just be professional and return my clothing.”

“So what? We can act like nothing ever happened between us? Like you didn’t love me?” She barked like an upset chihuahua and stepped into his personal space. “You’re just going to toss me aside like I’m nothing, like her?” She hissed and he swung back around to her, getting in her face.

“Do not bring her into this.” His voice dropped to an octave she’d never heard before, making her hands sweat a bit from nervousness. With tears building in her eyes, she refused to break eye contact and added to her previous statement.

“You’re nothing without me.” Her voice was shaky and her hands balled into fists, steeling herself to his gaze, but his look shifted from angry to unbothered and she felt herself waver for a second before he spoke again.

“I’d rather be nothing without you than miserable with you.”

Your hand felt warm with Pedro’s reciprocating the interaction, and the smile he gave you made everything around you blur as he was your only focus while you two ate lunch, but a ringing broke you both from your gaze and his eyes looked down.

“I have to take this.” He pecked your cheek before standing from where he was sitting and walking away. You sat on the cafeteria bench alone, waiting for him. Everything felt right, you convinced yourself.

Weeks later, and Miguel had been distant from the entirety of the society (more than usual), staying on his platform and burying his nose in multiverse affairs without leaving the comfort of his depressing desk. Everyone had heard the news of his breakup, and many were vying for the hand of one of the prettiest and most graceful spider women the society had, but he knew better. He knew what horns lay under her beautiful and soft blonde hair, the vicious tongue she had behind those white teeth that dazzled every time she smiled.

Miguel finally left his dark lair when he heard about a mishap that involved the spider t-rex and the gunslinger spiderman. He passed by the infirmary when he heard soft groans and a very familiar, sweet whimper that made his body freeze. He had heard those sounds in his own ear a few weeks ago, being the cause. As he stepped in the room, he saw shadows depicting exactly the image he assumed. He pulled the curtain and he wasn’t surprised to find his ex girlfriend on her back under someone, but it was the person on top he was furious about.

A message popped up on your watch from Miguel. It’d been so long that seeing his name on your watch frightened you, made you squirm until you read the contents of the message. You rolled your eyes, a twisted emotion spiraling out of you as you tensed. You knew it. Now that he was alone again, he was trying to wiggle his way back into your bed and to do so, he was trying to make you suspicious of your boyfriend, the man who showed you off to the world like a prize.

That was days ago, and after that phone call he’d received and the message you’d gotten from Miguel, you noticed that Pedro was distant, no longer present with you but always off in another place mentally. You were walking with Jess and Ben when you saw something your eyes weren’t meant to see.

There was your loving, doting boyfriend who you’d just been in bed with this morning, making love during the sunrise as he whispered dirty and beautiful ideas in your ear.

With his hand twirling those golden locks you’d grown to dread, come to hate.

“Shitty of you to make me feel just like this,”

Jess raised a brow as Ben continued speaking, and turned to where you were looking, inside a room where the window showed the public displays of affection your boyfriend was currently giving to your greatest rival. Your heart dropped and you felt cold everywhere.

Your hand moved to press against the door, but didn’t have the strength to open it all the way. The way her hands tangled into his black hair, her eyes looked into his as he smirked and kissed the corner of her lips, making her giggle and cover her face. You felt sick.

Nothing about this felt real, felt like the man you knew. Jess grabbed your shoulder and pulled your body into hers as your whole body trembled. The feeling in your chest felt like a crumpled piece of paper.

Your legs moved faster than your brain could process and you swung away, hiding in a hallway three floors down. Sliding over the orange glowing screens, you tapped until your found the number of your universe and opened the portal, hurrying through before anyone could see you, although you swore you heard someone call your name. Nothing mattered in that moment, you just needed to be alone and away from the rest of the society.

You refused to come to the society for days, avoiding anyone and everything in case someone tried to ask about what happened. A knock on your door broke your thoughts and you grabbed your phone, seeing all of the unread messages from your friends and Pedro.

His name glowed with a pink heart next to it and you hissed, throwing your phone across the room and watching the mirror crack down the center, shards splintering as your phone bounced onto the ground and landed face down. You covered your mouth in shock and sighed, then hearing the knocking on your front door persist, much to your discomfort. You got out of bed and padded through the dark, empty apartment. Peter B stood there in the door frame of your place, wearing a white shirt and sweatpants as you sniffled.

“Kid, I’m sorry.” He wrapped his arms around you before you could protest, and you sank into his embrace. The warmth was the most solace you’d had since the afternoon you found Pedro with her.

“Now I’m out here silent treatment, that means no permission,”

Peter sat with you as you gathered yourself, finally opening your phone to the many unread messages from Pedro, finally opening the walls of texts with heavy hands and cold blood.

“I should call him, tell him it’s over-”

A buzz made both your and Peter’s watches go off with an emergency alarm going off. What ironic timing.

“Think you can handle this right now?” Peter asked before opening the portal to the dimension you both were being summoned to.

“The distraction might help me put off talking to him, so yes.” You nodded before hitting a button and feeling the feeling of your suit taking form over your face. Following Peter, you saw red laser-like webs holding back the danger you assumed was an anomaly, to which you got straight to work and soared throughout the buildings beside you, webbing off the area from pedestrians who may get caught in the crossfire.

Peter swings to speak to Miguel while a blonde ponytail sways and catches your eye. Of course she was summoned, Miguel’s personal guard dog. You glared at her behind your mask and she just wiggled her fingers at you.

She knew.

You couldn’t get distracted now, as you saw a small boy trying to get past your barrier and jumped down to him, carrying him to safety before jumping back towards Peter and Miguel.

“What’s the plan?” You asked and Miguel swallowed thickly, not even sure if he could trust his voice to speak to you. “Hello? Earth to O’Hara!” You flailed your arms in a rushed motion before pushing both the men out of the way. He huffed as you fell into his chest from pushing him and he looked up.

“It’s got a weakness behind its neck to disarm the suit it’s using, but it’s not-” You moved before he could even stop speaking, and he ran to follow. “You can’t just jump into action!” He yelled and you shook your head.

“Get Peter to make a landing bed of some sort, find Little Miss Muffet and get her out of my way, and you need to find me a metal pipe or bat. I got this. Trust me?” You finished and he stopped in his tracks, looking to see what you were planning. It was a long shot, but he trusted you.

He followed your orders, instructing Peter to make a landing bed for you before grabbing the other spider woman and dragging her to where Peter was. “Help him, I’m going to find something.”

“Miggy-”

“Shut up.” He shot her a warning glance, signifying that now was not the time, and ran through the streets before finding a long, metal rod from the collapsing building next to the four of you. A portal opened above his head and he found another Spider jumping through.

“Am I too late?”

“Just in time, now go help Peter.” Miguel barked at Pedro and ran back to you. He called your name and as if in slow motion, threw the heavy metal to you.

You smoothly caught the metal rod thrown to you and swung around as the anomaly chased you before you purposefully dragged it in a circle, then smashing the rod against the small electrical panel on the back of its neck. You landed and stood beside Peter as you saw Pedro panting, then opening the portal to HQ and marching through. You wanted to get away from everyone as fast as possible, and HQ was the opposite of the space you needed. Your legs were trudging, not wanting to cooperate with your brain, but you knew you had to document what happened.

A hand grabbed your wrist as you entered sector 2 of HQ, trying to get to your office, but now stopped you. You turned to see Pedro staring at you with furrowed brows and concern creased by his mouth, by the lips you had let kiss you all over. Your mask disintegrated into your suit and you let tears fall down your cheek.

“You’re just like him.” You whispered and he looked down, gripping your arm hard enough to make you wince now.

“I’m nothing like him.” His voice was volatile and gave you a shiver of fear, unrecognizable to you. The Pedro you knew wasn’t dark and brooding like this, not like Miguel, and he wouldn’t hurt you. “That piece of shit, that cheating, lying son of a bitch, I would never hurt you like-“

“Let go.” You spoke up, voice cracking as you saw Peter walk through the portal now and step close to you both. Miguel and his ex-girlfriend followed, watching the scene intensely. “I said-”

“But you’re mine! My everything, mi corazon-” His hands moved to cup your face and you pushed him backwards.

“I saw you with her!” You shouted, putting space between you both. “You- You chose her, just like him!” You cried out, clutching your hands to your chest like you’d been shot in the ribs, holding your body as if trying to conceal the wound from the world. Afraid of everyone else seeing you cry, you hit a button to return your mask. You heard the tall blonde scoff from behind Pedro and saw her smirk, looking away, and your eyes snapped to stare at her incredulously.

Balling your fists, your eyes watered hidden behind red and blue technology before you got inhumanly angry. A roar ripped against your vocal chords as you lunged towards her, her spidersenses obviously not fast enough to protect her from your speed, grabbing her by the hair and pulling her to the ground with you. You slashed at her suit as she let out a scream and your vision became red with rage, then feeling large arms pull your form from hers. She crawled backwards, disheveled and out of breath from trying to hold you off, as you scratched and thrashed against the person holding you.

“Get yourself together, mi amor.” Miguel’s voice whispered in your ear and your whole body calmed, closing your eyes and drowning in his scent. “You’re better than this.”

“He cheated on me with her!” You sobbed, holding your eyes and cheeks as your body shook from the overwhelming sadness and emotions pouring from you. Peter stood beside Miguel and frowned at the girl on the ground a few feet from the group of you, seeing Pedro move to help her up.

“He…” Miguel frowned and held you closer to him, then shooting a deadly look at Pedro. “Stay away from her.”

“Don’t tell me what to do after what you did to her!” He barked at Miguel and the larger of the two sneered, like an angry pitbull.

“I told you to protect her, I told you not to hurt her, and you did exactly that!”

“What you put her through was worse.”

“This isn’t a competition.” Peter interjected and looked at each of them, then pulled you from Miguel’s arms. “While I don’t know what Miguel did, you both obviously hurt her enough, don’t you think?” Peter asked and Pedro immediately moved to take your hand again.

“Mi corazon-”

“Not yours!” You hissed and jerked your hand away. Peter opened a portal to your universe and walked with you through it.

Miguel stood as the three of them watched you leave in silence. Pedro slowly turned to Miguel and narrowed his eyes. “This is your fault.” He mumbled and Miguel raised a brow to him, confused. Where was this new side of Pedro coming from? This wasn’t the same warm smiled man who you walked hand in hand with around HQ, but he could say the same for the sunny spider woman currently sitting on the ground with scratch marks and bruises forming on her skin from your sudden assault.

“Excuse me?” Miguel replied, but the other man just shook his head and walked away, mask in a clenched fist by his side. Without another glance, Miguel walked away, feeling the weight of the past year on his shoulders.

[sataraxia]

you're losing me.

miguel o'hara x fem!reader

summary: 'you're losing me' by taylor swift.

genre: angst, so much angst. basically a songfic.

warnings: cursing, violence, hard violence at the end, the reader shows signs of bpd. it "continues" the across the spiderverse plot.

a/n: i wanted to do this for a while now, i'm a fluff fan but a taylor swift one first. english isn't my first language so pls let me know my mistakes.

w.c: 13.2k

You have been with Miguel for more than a while now, just without a confirmation in between, there was never an "I love you", much less an " I’m sorry", but you two knew it, you cared for each other, and it would always be like that, no need for words.

But it was later that you really got to know the man you loved unconditionally.

You say “I don’t understand and i say, “I know you don’t”

“Love, you’ve been with that for a whole week, don’t you think it’s time to stop?” you said with no more than sweetness and care in your voice.

He didn’t say anything, not even look at you.

“I know that it’s important, but you haven't been eating, or sleeping well.” letting out a sigh, you tried to approach him. “I'm going out on a long mission tomorrow, you know, we could get dinner, or something.”

“I don’t understand how you could think that getting dinner is more important than this, and you should be working too, get out.” it was like he had put a wall between you two, ‘cause you didn’t dare to get closer than you were.

And it’s been like that for some time now, since the events of earth 1610, he’s been a workaholic, but you could take it, you always could.

“We thought a cure would come through in time..”

You’ve been out on this mission for almost three weeks, you missed your friends, missed Miguel, ‘cause maybe, just maybe, he was being himself again.

Of course not. When you arrived at the HQ, more specifically his office, the first thing you saw of him was a man yelling at a kid that a citizen was supposed to be dead, and the same fate was meeting the kid’s father.

The thing was, you didn’t really enjoy talking about canon events with Miguel, because you don’t like the term, in fact, you hate that he invented a word that justifies all the pain you, and everyone here, endured.

You wanted to do something, help Miles, but your thoughts were blurry, knowing that every decision you take from now on can change everything with Miguel.

“..now I fear it won’t.”

“Remember lookin’ at this room, we loved it ��cause of the light.”

The chase after Miles already started, and you just stood there, while every other Spider-Man was trying to capture a kid.

You wanted to scream, most likely to the man who gave the order, but you had to stay on his side, right? 

At least that was what your body wanted, ‘cause suddenly you were in the platform, the one where Miguel had brought you everytime you were injured, where you had your first kiss and the so many more that followed.

You didn’t even think about it, you started helping Miguel telling him where you saw Miles in the cameras, opening the path for him.

“Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time.”

This was the man you’ve fallen for? the one that was hitting a kid, telling him that he shouldn’t even exist? you knew part of his behavior was because of his feral instincts, but trying to justify this was making you sick.

You saw how Miles was running for his life, feeling betrayed by his own people, hurting like hell just wanting to come home to his parents, that’s when it hit you, you couldn’t do this.

He reached the machine that would send him “home”, you could hear your lover yelling at you from the ear piece that you two shared “Shut it off! Come on!”.

“Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?”

Your thoughts were colliding in your mind, the typical “my heart wants something but my brain another” line sounding everywhere.

But time took the choice for you, Miles was already gone and you didn’t do anything to stop it, nothing came from the other side of the communicator, but you’ve never heard a silence quite this loud.

The fear that you were experiencing right now was almost unrecognizable. almost.

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes”

It was the same fear that you had the day he found you.

Like every other spider person, you had been through a lot, but it came to a point where your family didn’t acknowledge you anymore, the only friend you had died because of you.

So, you’ve always known you were a failure, thinking about it now, maybe the relationship you’ve built with Miguel it’s just because he was the first person that didn’t see you as one.

It was hard at first, learning that everytime your parents insulted you, all the times that you were punished by them, all they took from you, all that was supposed to happen, hell, it had to be like that.

With time, and with Miguel by your side, you grew comfortable in your position, you could stay with him forever, just like he promised all the times you crawled to him after a bad day or a bad memory. forever, right? 

“You might just have dealt the final blow.”

You were facing each other, he was always taller than you, but right now, you feel like the smallest thing in the world, you’ve known this feeling, and you don’t want that to happen with him.

But it was too late to want and not want things.

“Why didn't you do it? It was a simple button.” his voice was raspy, probably from all the yelling before, but he’s being cautious with you, the feeling in your stomach confirms it.

“I didn’t think like it was the right thing.” you didn’t tremble, he knows that you need him, but he also knows the woman you are.

“What?” that was it.

Silence, it could have been just seconds, but it feels like eternity to you, maybe because eternity was beautiful in your eyes, and what he started to say, definitely not.

“It’s incredible how after all this time, all of the effort I put on you, you show up to be just a disappointment, i don’t care what you think.”

“Stop.” he didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

“No, you dont get for me to stop, I've always been there for you, I saved you again and again for you to turn your back on me? really?” you could feel the anger in his voice.

“Miguel, it's not like that, stop.” a little steps to get closer, you needed him closer.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

“It is like that, it's always like that, you always fail and let me down, you don’t care about the real things because you’re stuck to keep suffering for some stupid thing that happened to you years ago, i'm tired of you being a nuisance to me.”

“My heart won’t start anymore..”

“What?” now it was your turn, without letting the tears take over your face. “I’m a nuisance? And what about you? the only thing you’ve been doing is watching on that little screen something that you could never have again, holding on to the memory of your mistakes, jealous that a kid can know beforehand and actually do something about it!” you know you don’t mean this, you know his suffering, but this was just too much.

“What I do is my business, but you work for me, you have to do what I say.” his tone wasn’t cautious anymore, his words were as thin as a dagger, was it always like that for him?

“I don’t work for you, i’m your-” he cut you off, almost instantly.

“You’re nothing to me.” he didn’t look at you when he said that.

“..for you.”

“What are you gonna do to that kid?” your voice was kinda broken, but you glared at him with storms in your eyes.

“Whatever is necessary to avoid him destroying a whole universe.”

“And the air is thick with loss and indecision.”

“Then I'm gone.” you turned away, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t look back.

He didn’t care if you were gone, he was letting you go just this easy, when your whole body was screaming at you that you should crawl to him, beg for his care and for his love, like you always did.

“Now you’re running down the hallway, and you know what they all say..”

That night, Miguel went to his room, that was yours too, expecting to find you a crying mess, it was always like that, you two had argued before, and he knows that he can fix this, by fixing you.

Opposite of his imagination, you weren’t there, all that was left was all your stuff, the clothes that he loved seeing you wearing, the gifts that he made, the ones that you made, all of it was there, but not you.

He forgot what fear was like, until he saw the little note you had left behind for him.

“i love you.”

It was the first time that one of you “said” that, and he hated it, hated his vulnerability, hated the short tear that was crossing his jaw now, but mostly, he hated you, for making him feel all of this and being gone.

“You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”

“My heart won’t start anymore (‘cause you’re losing me).”

It had been three months now, you were helping Miles and his band, they were your friends now and they cared for you.

Mostly Gwen, you talked to her a lot, and she’s been helping you with your feelings.

You were miserable, you hated this so much, hated him so much.

The truth was that you were dying to go with him, you were so attached that it was completely painful, and you were fighting with yourself every day.

Because not matter how much you loved Miguel, you were on your own now, and you had the right to think and act for yourself, so if that means you have to be against him, even fight him, then you were going to do it.

That was what you said to yourself, but when the moment came, when all of your friends were fighting against the corporation you helped build, when the love of your life was in front of you, claws and teeth out, you were paralyzed.

“‘Til we were too far gone to bring back to life”

He was getting closer and closer, and some part of you was hoping that this was the man that didn’t even need words for you to know he loved you, the man that you would give up on your life from, you would do anything or everything for the things to go back to how they were.

“I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy.”

And that thought alone bothered you, why would you do everything for a man that was about to kill you if necessary? you were done with this.

You threw the first punch, as it was unexpected, he didn’t block it at all.

“And all I did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier.”

“I’m not afraid of you.” your voice didn’t come off as he expected, you weren’t fragile anymore.

And so it began, he was a fighter and he wasn’t containing, you were hurt but you didn’t stop,for now you were blocking his claws and pushing him towards a kind of factory in the city, the farther away he was from Miles, the better.

“You’re not gonna kill a child Miguel, I'm not letting you.” he didn’t even care to respond, god how you hated that he wasn’t giving any signal of regret in all of this.

“You can still come with us, with me, you know?” of all the things he could’ve said, he chose that.

“Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me.”

You didn’t respond, he kept talking.

“You are my best soldier, come on.” you were under him, he could finish this right now, you were bleeding and sore, he was too.

“I’m the best thing at this party (you’re losing me).”

The only reason you couldn’t hate him was the memories of what you had, but that, the attitude that he has on top of you, like your life was only in his hand, that he was portraying himself as your forever savior, you were boiling with rage.

You moved as fast as you could, pushing him off of you with the studies you had collected of fighting beside him, now you were on top, hitting at him with blood nubling your “pretty eyes” as he called them.

With that, he understood there was not a turning the situation, this was it, this is how it’s gonna end.

He grabbed you with all his strength and started shoving your body against the columns in the old fabric, along with this, he was telling you how disappointed he was, villainizing you for leaving him alone.

You couldn’t hear due to the damage.

“And I'm fading thinking do something, babe, say something.”

Blow comes, blow goes, you weren’t thinking of what you were doing, you were so mad that he wasn’t saying something, that he prefers this before taking the risk of believing in you.

“I hate you.” you thought about every time, how he manipulated you, how he controlled every feeling and idea in your head, and you hated how much you would love to stop this and go back to that.

“Lose something babe, risk something.”

He wasn’t fighting back anymore, the floor was cold and every punch that touched his skin made him feel warm.

He was regretting everything, he didn’t care about Miles now, he didn’t care about another universe anymore, he only cared about you, the universe of his own.

“I did everything for you, I would've died only for you, I would've even killed Miles for you, and I think I would still do it if you just choose me!”

You were letting it all out, not even listening to the voice of the man under you.

“Choose something, babe, i got nothing to believe, unless you’re choosing me.”

You were tired, couldn’t throw anymore hits, and that’s when you noticed, he was barely breathing under you, mumbling some words that you haven’t heard.

Your body didn’t move, you freezed.

“Stop, you’re losing me.”

Miguel used his last strength to clean some of the tears that were traveling down your cheek, you could now hear what he was saying.

“I’m so sorry, amor.” it’s the first time you’ve seen a genuine smile.

“Stop, stop, stop.”

You know there was nothing to be done, and no one could help right now, it was just you and him like it was in the beginning.

“I love you.” you whispered to him, grabbing his hand.

“I love you too.” he closed his eyes.

“I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.”

[sanjisluvbot]

Miguel O’Hara X Black Fem Reader 🕷️

Not proof read 🥴

You were finishing a piece of your portfolio tonight, a full page of multicolored Lillies. You hummed along to the tunes played in the background and it was as if you were in a trance. Only to be interrupted by screams of pure terror right outside your window. This was now second nature to you, with the blink of an eye you spring to action slipping on your mask and becoming New Yorks one and only friendly neighborhood spider woman. Right outside your bedroom window a woman was being held at gun point, the assailant was a notorious thief you’ve been searching for, for months on end. You spring to action taking the woman to safety before the situation turned even more sour because of course they had powers.

You’d been battling for a while now trying to keep damage to a minimal has caused you to become injured. You were slowing down. Your abilities gave you more strength and a higher pain tolerance but the way you were just slammed into the concrete made you feel like your brain was bouncing rapidly through your skull. Just as you were coming to your senses blue and red flashed from the corner of your eye and the thief was ripped off of you. You sat up shaken and confused, eyes blurred, you felt like you were hallucinating. Two blobs going back and forth until the blue and red one pinned the thief to the ground knocking him out, finishing your job for you. Your vision was clearer and the blob was now a man who stood tall stalking you. You couldn’t bring yourself to make a sound as the full pain of your injuries settled deep into your bones.

“ You don’t have to speak, you most likely have a concussion and multiple other injuries.” The masked man spoke up.

His voice was relaxing- comforting even. That’s what you wanted to believe at least, you were going to trust this unknown man because you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer, the pain was unbearable.

You woke up in an all white room. The pain was dull but every move you made reminded you of the events from the night before. You scanned the room but it was completely empty and you felt your little tingle tingle going off rapidly. The cool air on your neck making you do that full body jerk alerted your that you were unmasked, and the rest of your suit was nowhere to be found. You ignored the pain shooting through your head as you flung yourself onto the ceiling crawling like the insect you were.

You quickly made your way towards the door getting ready to snatch whoever walked into your web. The door slide open and the blue suited man walked in unmasked. Without though you attacked your webs to the neck off his head, his shoulders, and his legs. Before you could completely attach your webs to each of his limbs he grabbed the one on his neck and yanked you off the ceiling. With a screech you collided into the man’s chest, you were now able to fully observe his face.

This was a very exhausted, worn out, and angry man. You could tell within your first glance he wasn’t someone easily dealt with, there was a real edge of danger dancing in his scarlet eyes. Your tingle was going off again, you tried leaping out of his arms but you were secured within thick muscle.

“ You’re scared… I understand but, let me just explain.”

“ Release me first.” You commanded.

“ I can’t do that.”

Sharp talons now scraped your stomach and your legs, you continued to struggle as his claws scratched you up and he sighed finally releasing you. You scrambled ten feet away from him and glared waiting for him to finally tell you who he is and why you’re here.

“ My name is Miguel O’Hara. I lead an elite strike force dedicated to protecting the multiverse.”

“ Okay… what does that have to do with me-”

“ I’m not done.”

“ sor-”

“ I came to your universe looking to recruit you as I am recruiting all spiders to stop anomaly’s.” He continued.

“ Anomalies…?”

He continued explaining and slowly your guard dropped allowing him to slowly creep towards you. You were relieved to know you were somewhere safe but unfortunately for this man you couldn’t join his team, you had your own world to worry about.

“ Listen uhhh…”

“ Miguel ”

“ Right! Miguel listen, I would love to help you however, I’ve got a lot going on in my own universe and I can’t afford to spend time defending others.”

He sighed and turned around giving you a joyless laugh. You took a step back and scanned the room noticing your suit on a chair near the hospital bed. He turned around and his demeanor took a 180, his eyes were hardened and their wasn’t a trace of a smile as he spoke. “ I can’t allow you to leave right now.”

“ You don’t have the right to allow me to do anything. I’m going home with or without your help.” You barked.

“ right.”

In a second you were restrained into a red cube, you spewed curses and screamed at him to release you but he just stood there. He cracked a smile for a split second when he noticed you were getting tired, most likely due to the amount of energy you put into punching and kicking and of course the injuries.

Months went by and you’ve gotten used to your new routine begrudgingly. Miguel only let you go on missions with a woman named Jessica, she was kind but you knew not to trust someone close to Miguel. When you weren’t on a mission Miguel stuck to you like glue and you were never out of his sight unless you went to the bathroom. He knew you hated him, even though you never gave him the grace of meeting you like of sight again. Rage simply radiated off you and every other spider could sense the tension between the two of you was watching a ticking bomb.

This week was exceptionally exhausting and all you wanted was to curl into your mothers arms. Your birthday was nearing and she was planning something special, something you’d most likely missed. You were seated on top of his floating station, barley listening to whatever he was complaining about to his assistant Lyla. You rolled your eyes when he threw something towards you and that’s when you finally jumped to the ground.

“ Where do you think you’re going.” He growled. You turned back at him sighing, “ I’m getting away from you wreaking havoc before you ‘ accidentally ’ knock me out.”

“ Get back up here we have work to do, and you’re being dramatic.”

“ Fuck you”

“ Here we go..”

You were only half listening when he told you about a new hole that breached through the multiverse. None of this was important to you, you could care less about the entire universe imploding at this point.

“ Y/N are you listening.”

You nodded thoughtlessly until he grabbed you pulling you up to face him. You quickly turned your head but he grabbed it facing you towards him. You closed your eyes hard, if you looked at him you didn’t know what you would do. With your chin in hand he pulled you even closer— close enough to spit in his face which you happily did.

“ Pendeja ! ”

“ Your mother”

My opened your eyes and laughed as he wiped away the spit that clearly landed in his eye. You were tingling again and you shot your web to the ceiling, as he lunged for you. His claws were out and you swung to the door laughing hysterically, that anger he had for you write now would never amount to the hatred you had stored in your heart for him. He chased you like a crazed beast and for the first time in months you felt alive.

Every time he thought he was going to catch you, you swiftly moved and watch him crash into an object or a wall. The spiders throughout the spider society watched in shock, you were making a fool out of their ‘ Boss ’. Tears were leaking out of your eyes as the man was now on all fours with razor sharp teeth sticking out of his mouth, just as you were swinging somewhere else you collided into a steel beam knocking you to the ground. Miguel finally caught up too you, looming over your now pathetic figure on the ground. He picked you up and threw you over his shoulder like you were a small sack of potatoes.

You wriggled against him and tried to pull away by attaching a web to the hall but he just kept going, as if you didn’t do a thing at all struggling against him was no use. You tried punching him but his suit didn’t allow it, so you finally decided to bite his back. He jerked and the hand holding you came between your thigh to give you a warning squeeze. You yelped at the sensation and finally went limp so he wouldn’t do it again. When you arrived back at his station he threw you into a chair he picked up along the way. You were going to make an escape but he quickly clasped both of your hands immobilizing you.

“ You think you’re Fuckin funny? Hm?”

You shrugged your shoulders trying to keep in a laugh. He pulled you closer, you could now feel his breath on your cheek. You turned away only to be pulled once again by your chin. “ Look at me.” He demanded moving his hand to squeeze your cheeks.

“ No. You’ve taken enough from me, the very least I could do is control my own eyes.”

“ That’s funny. Look. At. Me.”

Your eyes were squeezed shut but you slowly opened one peaking at him. Those red irises, fangs that were just waiting to tear you open, he did honestly remind you of a real spider.

“ Open both of them fully. Now.”

You opened them both and all the laughing drained from you. You were both angry, starting at each other, waiting, hoping, someone would make some type of move. He released your cheeks and moved to grab your neck. The hold wasn’t tight, but you felt the threat of his talons on the back of your neck making the little hairs stand up one by one.

You were excited.

That excitement made you internally angry, this excitement was deep your womb and it was slowly but surely making it’s way to every part of your body. You were observing his face now, he was chiseled all the way down to his toes. You’d never admit how attractive he was, even though your body knew how you truly felt when he was this close.

“ You know, I’m sure I’ve explained my powers to you pretty well the first time we met. But what seems to have escaped your mind is my heightened sense of smell.”

“ Why should I care exactly?”

His eyes darkened and he leaned to your ear, his lips touching your ear lobe. “ I smell how wet you get whenever I man handle you. Whenever we’re arguing you always have this sickly saccharine scent and I’ve been around enough women to know it’s arousal.”

“ I’m so very sorry you’ve convinced yourself that you arouse me.” You replied.

He squeezed your throat almost to the point where you gasped for air, waiting until you opened your mouth to stick his thumb between your lips. You were so shocked by the behavior he was exhibiting, it was as if this were a completely different Miguel standing in front of you. He talons were retreated so he stuck it further in your mouth reaching the back of your throat.

Your heart raced, without taking his thumb out he stood tall looking down at you with a belittling gaze. He released your hands a while ago, the shock of what’s happened keeping you locked in place as he tried pushing further into your mouth.

“ You’re so pretty like this.. beneath me, with me in your mouth.” He mumbled dragging his thumb out of your mouth to tug at your bottom lip. “ You gonna let me touch you princess?”

You stare dumbfounded. You crossed your legs tightly and turned away the heat creeping onto your cheeks.

“ I like seeing you blush.”

“ you can’t see nothing I’m brown.”

“ You think that’s anything? You have tells.”

You flipped him off and he grabbed your hand lacing your fingers together.

“ R-release me !”

And iron clad grip is what he had and he yanked you making you collide into his chest. His hand fell from yours to lace itself to your waist securing you so you wouldn’t collapse from your knees being so week. His right hand went further down to grip not other your bum but a bit of your pussy as well. You bit your lip to hold in a whine gripping onto his shoulder.

“ Answer the question.” He hummed reaching further into your legs massaging your lips through your suit.

Before you knew it you were laid out completely bare tugging at his hair staring into his eyes as his tongue slips into your hole. His nose rubbing your clit and you clench around the smooth wet muscle that’s licking your walls. You hoped and prayed no one was around, you couldn’t contain the wanton moans that ripped from your throat.

🏷️: nervoushologramtastemaker [ comment to be tagged ]

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Lmk if you’d want a pt 2 🫶🏽

[pookiebeary]

Moribund

Hc: Miguel would definitely sacrifice his lover if it meant saving the world.

Miguel O'Hara x Reader

You've always wondered, if it came down to you or the world-

Would he choose you?

You like to think to yourself, that he'd choose you over anything. You like the thought that he treasures you as much as you treasure him- that he'd risk everything for you just as how you'd risk everything for him. You like to think- believe that he'd choose you in a heartbeat, just as how you'd choose him no matter what.

But reality is often disappointing. It was cruel, now you know. All that lies you fed to yourself finally drowned you because when it really came down to you or the world, he'd choose the latter.

He chose to save the world.

He left you. And even though part of you knew that logically that was the morally good decision, you still felt betrayed. Millions of lives over your one life, you understand his reasoning but it didn't shield you from the hurt that came with it. It didn't stop the pang of pain in your heart. You knew that the scale tipped heavily to the opposite side. (You weren't worth the world). No matter how much you think he loves you, it didn't measure up to the world.

You smiled bitterly, inevitable death looming over you as the merciless march of time approaches. You recall his hesitation when he was presented with the choice. You recall the sorrow when you saw his resignation- when he chose his answer.

And the realization that he didn't choose you hurts.

You remember the pang of pain as he apologizes, and you remember your disappointment. You've deluded yourself into thinking he would burn the world for you. You remember the disillusionment, like being doused in cold icy water- the coldness jolting you awake when you watched him walk away.

A small part of you always knew, that he'd choose the world over you. But you let your delusions run wild, you let it poison your thoughts- let it deceive you into living an illusion. You led yourself to believe he was like you. That, like you, he'd risk everything for you.

You would have chosen him over anything- even if it meant that the world would burn down. You'd have chosen him, no matter what. And it hurts you to know that, he chose the other.

You feel like a joke.

That's how Miguel O'Hara is, you knew that. You fell in love with the goodness inside him. You fell in love with his selflessness- with the way he put everyone else before himself. It's what drew you in, like a moth to a flame.

Now you've burnt for him.

And as you lay alone in the darkness, you find yourself crying. You hear the echoes of your cries reverberating in the dark as you take your final breath.

[atotalmess-lol]

C'est pas vrai.

Spider-person!Reader x Miguel O'Hara.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, no comfort.

Author's Note: I love to torture myself with angst of my comfort characters. Anywhoosies, enjoy ❤︎

— — —

You're The Spider, the Spiderman variant of your timeline. You protect your home city from harms way and insure that people are kept safe.

Though often times, some people slip through the cracks and crevasses of your hands. You can't save everyone, but you try.

Some of those that have slipped from your grasp happened to be those you love. You've lost a lot of people; friends, family and most recently a lover. Their death pained you to the point where you dreaded to even look at your suit. You felt as if their death was your fault, especially when you found them, dying yet still alive. They died in your arms. You cried a lot. You can't save everyone, but you tried.

Weeks passed and you slipped into your suit once again. Though guilt rattled around in your body, the wind flowing around you was, soothing in a way as you swung from building to building.

Sprinting parallel to the ground across glass pains of a tall building, you leaped once you reached the edge, spinning a web to the next building you— wait, what was that?

You stuck to the side of another building, scanning the ground below, you retraced your steps. Confusion and curiosity popping up when you saw.. Orange? It's hue reflecting off the walls in between two buildings.

You stared, stuck to that building for moments as you fought yourself, desperately wanting to know what it was that was going on, what's causing that orange light? Is someone in trouble? But another side of you felt as if you would be too weak to quell whatever situation you would face. This was your first time in your suit after weeks of grieving.

You wish you chose the ladder.

You let yourself drop, landing on a rooftop you started to run, jumping over edges and ledges as you started to see the light briger.

You should've just went home.

You slowed down to a crawl when you heard voices. Peeking over the ledge you saw two people; one was wearing a white and black suit —similar to yours— their forearms pink with webbing accents. The other stood tall, much taller than the other person as he seemed to be lecturing them. He wore a suit similar to yours navy blue with red accents —from what you could see— across his back and shoulders. The orange light that reflected off him showed tiny patterns across his body, they looked like tiny circuits.

They two of them seemed different. Different from the many other people you interact with, different from the foes you defeated. 'They're not from here' you thought as you moved closer to the ground.

You felt both of their heads turn when you dropped to the asphalt, standing up straight you turned the corner. Taking cautious steps toward them.

"Who are you two?" You asked, eyes narrowed.

"Nothing you need to know." The man replied, curt and to the point. You could help but notice how rushed he sound as you froze for a moment, he sounded familiar.

"Then what's that?" You questioned, stiffening as you stood taller.

"Another thing you don't need to know." He crossed his arms. "You don't need to know anything, we were just leaving." The other person looked between you and the man several times, "Wait, what? Miguel weren't you-"

Your breath hitched. Your hands began to shake.

"Wait, Miguel?.. Miguel O'Hara..?" You asked, taking in a sharp breath.

The man turned his attention back to you. "Yes," no "is something wrong?" No, no, no.

You paused, stumbling backwards. This isn't real. Your bottom lip quivered. 'some sick joke.'

"No.." you shook your head "No, no you're not.." The both of them looked at you, confusion evident even in the expression of their masks.

"You died.." your legs began to wobble and your breath quickened.

He froze "What?" He took note of your shaking knees and trembling body.

You swallowed a thickly, throat burning. "You died, You're dead." Your head shook from side to side, "You were shot.. 5 weeks ago.. Miguel." Tears welled in your eyes, soaking the inside of your mask.

"I found you in that alley way..."

His stomach dropped, completely frozen in place.

"You died in my arms." Your voice broke.

"Miguel is dead.. Who are you..?"

— — —

Fin ❤︎

Sorry if anything doesn't make sense😭

[noelan1]

Do you ever read a really questionable fanfiction or a spicy love story and think "what the fuck did I just read"

[loganlermanstanaccount]

Hello! Could you please write a stubborn, jealous hc for Miguel o'hara? Thank you!!

I had the brainworms, so I hope this is what you were looking for! Thanks for the ask <3

Jealous!Miguel O'Hara Headcanons

(AO3 Mirror), Main Masterlist

pairing: jealous!Miguel O'Hara x reader

summary: stubborn HCs for jealous!Miguel O'Hara. 

a/n: this was meant to be a drabble and i basically wrote a full fic. i have zero self control lmfao

warnings: smut (fingering, f receiving oral, slight brat taming, etc) right at the very end, 18+ from then onwards, the rest is more pg-13

wc: 3.5k ish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long story short: he's a stubborn little shit.

Pig-headed as fuck and it shows up in little things. 

Let's say you first met as coworkers, and you were a lab technician at Alchemax. 

Think: unstoppable force meets immovable object. He likes his labs just so, with very specific equipment in a very specific configuration. 

It drives you crazy, regularly having tiffs outside the labs; much to the chagrin of your coworkers. 

"Jesus." Your coworker mutters, wincing at the seemingly heated argument by the water cooler. 

"Ignore it, Maeve." Another coworker rolls their eyes, nudging Mave with a snort. "They're at it again . S'pose they'll tire each other out by the end of the day."

Not that they were wrong. But this time, it wasn't your fault: dealing with O'Hara's bullshit had really taken it's toll. He was insufferable, prone to nitpicking and just plain mean. You could hardly be blamed if you gave him some of your own choice words. 

"My notes were basically paint-by-fucking-numbers!  How could you mess up a simple distillation? When I specify precision glassware , you don't think that's fucking important?" 

"Your notes ," You draw air quotes pointedly at him. "-are illegible, you fucking cretin! Maybe if you didn't write like a goddamn pre-schooler-"

"- preschooler? Oh , fuck you!" 

"Get your nose out of that highschool Chem textbook, O'Hara, this is a fucking job."

"Yeah? Stop using it to wipe your ass and you might learn a thing or two."

"Oh , so that's what we're doing?" You laugh in his face, so angry your hand curls into tight fists. You get close, staring him down as you look upwards through your lashes. His own face is contorted into a grimace; bushy eyebrows furrowed into deep shadows around his eyes. You can feel his steady breathing before he speaks, low and rumbling. 

"I could do this all day, princesa. " 

You scoff, ignoring the way his words weaken your knees. The one time you asked for a break during a long lab and he won't stop calling you a spoilt princess. His laughter then stings in your ears now, the ghost of a smirk on his face as you storm off. Miguel O'Hara: smug bastard. He would be the death of you, you're sure. 

~~~

You spend many a late night with him, unwittingly, and find out he's more than a stubborn little shit. 

You find out he's funny, and shares the same anti-Alchemax tendencies you do: both preyed upon by the company immediately after graduation, young and naive. 

He's kind, even though he'd never admit it, often finishing up the lab notes and doing more than his fair share of work so you can go home at a reasonable time. 

You both still butt heads, but it turns into a tentative friendship - coffees in the morning hidden as blaise convenience, covering for each other at work, and defending the other when office gossip goes too far. 

That's why when he comes back to work after a week-long stint away - something about a blow up with the boss, an issue described as 'miscommunication, promptly smoothed over' by anyone official - you notice… something's different about him. 

You first noticed something was off when he walked in without a snide remark. You left a mug overnight at the counter, something that would usually draw a sarcastic comment at the least , but he gives you… nothing. Blank, glassy eyes as he opens up his workstation - clicking away at the keys without so much as a glance.

"O'Hara?" You call, but he doesn't even look up. You walk to his workstation and knock at the desk. He jumps. God, he looks worse for the wear. Heavy bags under his eyes and a bruise blossoming under his collar. 

"You okay?" 

He rubs his temples, eyes flitting up at you.  "Yeah, just…. just a long week, s'all." 

You put a hand on his shoulder, and you swear he leans into your touch. "We can reschedule, tonight. The calculations can wait, Miguel."

He gives you a weak smile, but a smile nevertheless. "S'okay. Need to make sure you don't fuck it up."

"Don't push your luck, O'Hara."

~~~

As you get closer, you notice just how stubborn he is to admit the growing tension between you two. 

Late nights at the lab turn into takeout at your place, morning coffee turns into a pleasant 20 minutes on the rooftop away from the hustle and bustle - just you and Miguel, talking and joking with a cup of shitty coffee in hand. 

Wholly, he seems more assertive at work, not as quick to roll over. 

It's hot, you have to admit; watching him fight with someone else other than you. 

You're at work drinks with the other technicians and engineers, nursing a watery beer when another colleague makes small talk with you at the bar.

You’ve never been that close to him, and the conversation is amicable enough, but you’re almost bowled over when you see Miguel, in the corner, staring straight at you with a stormy look.

You suppose it's a little pathetic, getting all dressed up for a casual drink. Lips shiny with gloss and gently powdered with makeup, you feel a little out of place. For all your talk at work, actually being here was another thing. Suddenly, your blouse is too tight and your skirt too short. With a manicured finger, you trace the lip of your glass filled with watery beer. You sigh. You don't want to admit it, but you were only here because of Miguel. He said he would come, and now you're sitting on a barstool counting the chips in your glass. 

It was probably for the best. You sink into the absentminded chatter of your colleagues around you, until there's a tap at your shoulder. 

"Is someone-" He clears his throat; a tall man dressed in a sharp suit nodding gracefully towards the empty chair. "-is this seat taken?" 

You shake your head, grateful for the company. He's handsome, sharp features curving into a wry grin as he calls for a drink. 

"...and something other than shitty beer for the pretty girl, too." It makes you laugh, light and lilting in the bustle of the bar. 

He stretches out his hand, and you take it. 

"Eddie Crouch. I work in marketing."

Eddie…. as in… head of the most profitable division of Alchemax? Your eyes widen involuntarily and you try to clamp down your immediate shock, somewhat unsuccessfully. He narrows his eyes as you tumble over your words. 

"Y-Yeah, same! I mean, not same , I just work in the l-labs and I thought it was just for us guys, working behind the curtain, y'know? Not that we're not thrilled to have you here, because we a-are." You spill out, wincing. "....Is this about the performance reviews? Because I know output was down this quarter but our projections are-"

"I'm not here to talk about work." He chuckles. You squint, not convinced. As if to alleviate your concerns, he loosens his tie and undoes his top buttons with a flourish. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" He leans in, and the air becomes thick with expensive perfume. He twirls the signet ring on his finger, a ring probably worth more than your monthly paycheck. 

"Your boss invited me," Discreetly, he stretches a finger at your boss; a man ruddy cheeked and red-faced with alcohol. "Guess he thought it would boost morale. He's a fucking idiot if he thinks having me, the one guy that could fire your entire department without recourse, exchange empty platitudes would boost morale. But, I digress. So here I am, dragging my feet to this bar, thinking I'm gonna get in, read the lines and get out. But then, " He pauses with dramatic effect. "I see the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on, just sitting by the bar. Like everyone isn't already falling over themselves to talk to you."

The irony is palpable. It's sickly sweet, and a line that wouldn't usually work on you. But usually, you weren't pining over a man so prickly and stubborn, you shouldn't have feelings for. Here you were, bright cocktail in front of you and a moderately attractive man by your side. He wasn't quite Miguel, but in the words of one of the greatest thinkers of the past age: country girls make do. 

And so you make lazy conversation with the man. So lost in a tipsy haze, you barely notice Miguel walk in; dark jacket on his shoulders and deliciously loose slacks. You're drawn to him, his eyes seemingly searching the room, and you sigh into your drink. Technically, he looks like shit: eyes dark-rimmed and sunken, a cut at his brow. You think he is gorgeous, eyes tracing the slope of his nose and plush lips. Like he can sense it, he glances over in your direction and you look away hastily. He's watching , you can feel its burn as you turn, pretending to listen to the man besides you. A little cruelly, you lean into him, not breaking eye contact and curling a hand around his arm to laugh at a stupid joke. Eddie laughs with you, oblivious, as you glance behind him. 

Miguel stands with a drink thrust into his hands, looking straight through him, eyes low and gazing at you. 

~~~

He insists on walking you home, a steady hand on the small of your back as you stumble through the streets of Nueva York.

You make light conversation, tipsy and giggly from the alcohol. Miguel seems a little more put together, but his chest still creaks with rumbling laughter.

He definitely walks on the side of the pavement nearest the street, because he thinks it keeps you safer. 

He walks you up the stairs and by the door of your apartment, like a gentleman. You watch him get nervous suddenly, and he hesitates, stubbornly digging in his heels and pausing you from opening the door and coming in. 

You don't want it to end, opting to take the walk up the stairs as opposed to the lift. It's one of your more questionable decisions as you stumble up the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. Miguel is quick to catch you even though he was just as drunk. Arm around your waist, he leaves searing touches to your hip. You giggle despite yourself, and he can't help but smile at your clumsiness. 

"If you break your legs I won't carry you, princesa ." A lie and you both know it. He would carry you to the ends of the earth like a blushing bride, if you asked him. 

You both stagger to up the stairs and through the corridor until you reach your front door. You rummage around your bag for your keycard, it's contents click-clacking in the quiet of the hallway. Miguel watches, quieter than he was in the journey. If you looked up now, you would see something else behind his eyes - a storm of apprehension and tension. 

You find your keycard, and look up to find Miguel placing a careful palm on the door. He's surprisingly still, eyes on your lips as he steps closer. You look everywhere but to meet his eyes, tracing the curve of his collarbone, the slope of his exposed forearm, and the tempting juncture of his strong jaw. You watch it tense, as he brings a gentle hand to your chin. His thumb swipes over the fat of your lip. 

"Got somethin' right… there." He mumbles, before tucking his hand away. You can barely breathe. Without thinking you take his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together like a gentle hug. You bring his hand to your waist, and he squeezes, ever so gently. Your hand drops and he moves his slowly, knuckles dragging along the smooth silk of your blouse, and then sending shivers when he reaches your bare neck. 

He has to bite down the plethora of things running through his head - his drunken brain threatening to spill all his thoughts. You are so beautiful and soft it makes him short-circuit, desperate to pull you close. Instead, you do: hand inching up his chest and laying to rest on his shoulders. 

He kisses you, finally ; a little messy and impossibly soft. Like his lips on yours would shatter you both. You deepen the kiss and wrap his arm tighter around you, angling your chin to drink up even more of you. You both come up for air, panting in the heat of one another. Miguel's eyes are full of lust and blown out. 

"Do…do you want to come in?" You whisper. 

Something catches in his throat and his expression changes, like he just woke up from a dream. Do you just want to sleep with him? He's not built for one night stands, can't do just sex, especially if it's you. No matter how much he wants to, he can't, he won't, "....I shouldn't."

The disappointment on your face is palpable. You want to ask why - after he kissed you like that - why doesn't he want you? Instead you nod dejectedly. He gives you a chaste kiss on the forehead, lingering, and a shaky smile. 

You open your door with a buzz, and slam it in his face. 

~~~

It takes Miguel some time to properly put a name to what you two have: not knowing if the kiss was a drunken mistake, animal attraction or something more. 

He's not a grand gestures kind of person, he believes in action rather than words. 

Which is why it takes so long for him to admit just how in love with you he is. 

He steals glances at you all the time at the office, and tries to anticipate  all your needs. 

When you stretch and yawn in the morning, he happens to pass by your favourite coffee place and happens to buy one too many cups of your go-to order. 

So imagine his shock when he arrives from his lunch break, churros and coffee in hand, and there's one of the top brass from the night at the bar perched on your desk - 2 polystyrene cupfuls of something half drunk on the desk. 

He's never been insecure, but he can't help but feel possessive, something tense and tight growing at the base of his stomach. 

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" You step into the equipment cupboard, Miguel close behind you. You rub your temples, anticipating an argument. "O'Hara, if this is about my calibration tests this morning, I swear to God -" 

"No, no , nothing like that." He's quick to say. "They were… okay." He strains. 

You raise an eyebrow. Okay? Since when did Miguel pass up an opportunity for a mindless fight? Your mind races with his actions of the past few days. He has been different since the night at the bar, a little nicer, sure, but nothing this out of the ordinary. 

"That guy you were talking to. I saw him at the bar, and now here. Who is he?" 

Your eyebrows shoot up. "You do not have the right to ask me th-" 

"Are you fucking him?" A pause, and you study his expression, deducing that he is completely fucking serious . 

"Are you insane? You definitely don't have the right to ask me that." You make for the door, and he steps in front of it, blocking it with his body. 

"I need to know. Tell me and then I'll leave you alone, I promise." His voice is low and thick with something. 

You step closer and he wraps his hands around your waist absentmindedly. The pressure feels good, and makes your brain fog up. 

He repeats himself, softer. "Are you fucking him?" 

You look at him for a moment, before shaking your head. His facial expression  is steady, just as unreadable. 

"Do you want to?" 

You hesitate, wanting to be cruel and say yes, just to see his reaction. Perceptive, he sees your hesitance and says something that almost knocks you over. 

"I could fuck you better than he ever could," He kneads your thigh now, lips close to the shell of your ear in the tight space of the cupboard. " Princesa , look at me." 

You look at him, almost whimpering and putty in his hands. He's like a siren and you are lost in the pull of his gaze. It may be the proximity, but you swear you see a tinge of red in his eyes, like deep pools of lust. 

"Will you let me fuck you?" He pulls you closer so the meat of his thigh presses against your clothed cunt. Your stretchy pencil skirt rides up suggestively, and you rock your clit against him, searching for sweet pressure. You nod. 

Miguel titters softly, a hand on your chin pulling your lips to his. You moan into his kiss, body aching. It's hot and heavy like the kiss outside your door, but he swirls his tongue around yours and expertly nips at your lower lip. He guides your hips to rock against his thigh, tensing to make sure it's corded muscle hits the right places. He wants to break you apart, leave you so cock-drunk, you wouldn't think of even glancing at another man. 

You separate and he dips a hand under your skirt. He pulls it up and places a big palm at your pussy, with a well timed slap. You bite into his neck with the pressure. You definitely don't expect it when he rips open your stockings like they were paper. 

"Fuck, Miguel." 

"It's okay, baby, I'll get you new ones." Your eyes roll back as he slips aside the gusset to run a finger through your lower lips. Shamelessly, he slips a finger in, then two, basking in the wet squelch of your heat. You claw at his forearm, as he curls them into that sweet spot. 

You press your forehead to his shoulder, chasing his fingers with your hips. His sharp eyes watch every movement, every stutter and start that his fingers pull from you. He's practical, a man of action, and he is desperate to show you how much he cares. 

"I've thought about you… about this." He hisses as you cover your mouth to dampen your moans. 

"Wanted you for so long, princesa. Want to know how you taste, what this beautiful pussy feels like. What you look like when you cum."

His wrist aches with the back and forth motion but his pace barely faulters. 

" M-Miguel …"

He applies pressure to your clit, and watches in awe as you spasm, nails digging into his forearm. 

" Oh, there it is. Right there, hmm? Does that feel good?" 

You nod frantically with a stifled sob. 

"Not quite, baby. Need to hear you say it. Or I won't let you cum."

"...fuuck you."

" Oh, you'd like that. Still not what I want to hear. Tell me how much you like it when I fuck you with my fingers."

"F-Feels good." You stutter. He stops, wrenching his hand out of your pussy to leave you clenching around nothing.You almost scream.

"You're being a brat, not my princesa , hmm? Only good girls get to cum."

" Miguel , please. I'll do anything." He guides you along his thigh, still lodged between your legs, and licks up your wetness on his other hand. "You m-make me feel so good. So good. And I want you so much it hurts, sometimes. I just want to cum, don't even need your cock. Fuck me with something , please." 

"Miguel? Not asshole? Or fucking idiot, this time?" 

"Please, Miguel ." Your pleas go straight to his cock. He throbs with need, cock rock hard under his slacks. 

He relents, not able to bear your dopey puppy-dog eyes for much longer. He slips three fingers in, without bothering to prep you. He hisses at the tightness of your heat, pounding into you and knuckle deep with his fingers. Shamelessly, you fuck yourself back on them, hips rolling over his thigh. He can't tear himself away from the sight, palming himself through tented trousers. 

You kiss and nip at his neck, as he whispers obscenities at you under his breath. 

"Can you cum for me, princesa? Cum f'me, and I'll take care of you, I promise."

You clamp down on his fingers and moan into a kiss as you ride out your orgasm. It's intense: leg-shaking and leaves you shuddering in the aftermath. You were rusty, sure, hadn't had sex with someone in a while. But Miguel made you cum so hard you saw stars, with only his fingers. Your chest heaves with the thought. 

You thought he would leave you, torn stockings and all, in the little cupboard. But he stays, to sink down to his knees and lap at your folds. You rest a hand on a shelf for purchase, head back in bliss. You cunt is still sensitive, throbbing at the orgasm he's just given you, as you licks you clean. He's taking care of you. You card your hands into his hair, tugging gently as he moans into your pussy. 

He gives your clit a gentle kiss, and swipes up a trailing tear that rolls down your inner thigh. You watch as he pops his fingers into your mouth, cleaning off the cum. Your cum. 

Miguel gives you a lazy grin in the bare bulb of the equipment closet. He seems completely unfazed by the fact his fingers were in you not a moment ago. 

"Are you free after work?" He asks, and it takes a moment for you to process. 

"Uhhh… s-sure. Probably?" 

"Let me take you for dinner, somewhere nice."

All you can do is nod, dumbly, ripped stockings still around your ankles. 

"And then I can fuck you properly, princesa." 

_

_

_

[st4rymoon]

𝘉𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵

ּ ﹗ ˖ ་ Miguel O’Hara x Fem reader

Warnings - Angst, fluff, family issues, mentions of verbal abuse (reader has a bad family life), Surprisingly nice Miguel, reader is having a mental breakdown, miguel comforts you, sort kiss scene

A few of the spiders stood outside your office anxiously. You’ve never been one to cry in front of anyone or even cry in general so seeing you come back from a mission with your eyes puffy and tears streaming down your cheeks was alarming.

They all believed it was the mission that had you like this when in reality, it was your own family.

You’d gone to go visit them after you finished the mission in hopes to fix things but you soon realized what broke you can never be fixed.

Gwen went off to fetch Miguel, thinking since he was the boss, you’d talk more about the mission with him.

You didn’t have the best relationship with Miguel, both of you bickering and annoyed at each other most of the time but you had enjoyable memories the both of you shared.

You sat on your office couch, knees to your chest and head buried between them as you sobbed uncontrollably.

Maybe your mother was right, you were unlovable.

You heard a knock at the door but decide to ignore it. The quiet chatter outside the door making you even more anxious as you heard peters soft voice from the other side.

“Hey? Do you wanna talk?” Peter kept calling out for you in a desperate tone. You could even hear may mimicking his words and calling your name causing you to smile a bit. “Get out of the way” you heard Miguel’s voice from outside your door.

“Miguel don’t go in screaming and yelling. Don’t make things worse” Peter sighed.

You just wanted to disappear. You felt like a burden to everyone. With almost half of the spiders worrying about you and now Miguel making everyone else anxious, it wasn’t the best situation for you.

“Open the door.”

You rolled your eyes at your bosses voice, curling into yourself further in hopes to sink through the ground. The chattering behind the door grew quieter, followed by foot steps echoing away from the door.

You sighed in relief as it went quiet. They finally left.

Your relief was cut short as you heard your door beep open. Your head shot up, looking over at Miguel’s silhouette from the doorway. “Go away please, I’m trying to nap” you try and say in your best sleepy voice.

“Not going to work” Miguel muttered.

He closed the door behind him, walking over to you cautiously trying to hide is concern. You felt his presence in front of you, the silence in the room other than your sniffles and shallow breaths making the room tense.

Out of all the spiders they all decided to send in the one spider who was horrible at comforting people, it was a bit funny.

Miguel knew he wasn’t good at this, he felt stupid coming in thinking he could help. He wasn’t really sure what to do. should he sit? Stand?

“What happened?” Is all he said. You didn’t bother looking up at him, you just closed your eyes and tried to shut him out of your mind.

You felt the cushion besides you sink, his warmth radiating toward you made you shiver. Your tears continue to stream down your face. You just want to hug someone, anyone. Feel their warmth and cry into them but Miguel was not the one for that.

“Was it the mission? Or something else?” You could tell he was trying his best to not come off crude. It was almost laughable to hear Miguel try and soften his tone.

You shook your head still not bothering to look up. “No it wasn’t the mission?”, You nodded your head, a sigh leaving him as he scooted over toward you.

“So what is it?”

It came off a bit annoyed but in reality, Miguel was worried. He felt even worse knowing it wasn’t the mission that had you this sad, at least with the mission he could have some idea on what to say.

For some reason you felt like now that you said it wasn’t about the mission that had you like this, Miguel was annoyed. You convinced yourself he believed he was waisting his time on you rather than going back to his work which you knew he had well enough of.

“You can go back to work Miguel, it’s ok” you whispered.

This was the last you needed. You didn’t need to feel like a burden to him, Miguel does so much already.

“I’m not going back to anything until you talk me to me” he reassures. You felt a little pathetic when the thought of him actually caring about you crossed your mind. He was surely doing this to get it off his mind and tell everyone to go back to work.

“My family…” you muttered. Miguel perked at your voice, scooting closer to you as he leaned forward a bit “huh? Family?”

You knew he couldn’t hear your words, it was rarely audible due to your face buried in your knees. You nod, finally looking up at Miguel with your glossy eyes and stuffy nose.

Miguel didn’t know why he felt so heartbroken seeing you like this, what could ruin such a happy person this bad. You were always jumping around with a smile, annoying Miguel when you got the chance.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the annoyance. Hearing you talk your mouth off about random facts you knew while spinning in his chair then one sentence later both of you would be throwing insults at one another. It was a bittersweet friendship that both of you enjoyed more than you let on.

“Wanna talk about it? I know I’m not the best at these things but I can listen” Miguel replied in a tone you never heard.

You nodded, moving toward him slowly which made him loosen up a bit.

“My mom… she uh, isn’t the best mother if I’m putting it lightly. We never had a good relationship to start with but once this whole spider thing happened, it turned into my own personal hell whenever I went home”

Miguel listened, listened to everything that played out to get you where you were today. His eyes told the emotions his words couldn’t. Whenever you mentioned something your mother said, his eyebrows would furrow or drop. He couldn’t believe anyone could say these things to you.

Your eyes were practically out tears as you went on. Nothing came out other than shaky sobs and sniffles. “Maybe she’s right you know. Everyone says mother knows best so who says she’s wrong? Maybe no one will truly love me, maybe I am a burden” you sigh.

“That’s bullshit” was the first word that came out of Miguel’s mouth “you aren’t any of those things, everyone here loves you. You make others feel like they are ok, like they can take a breath whenever you’re around” he added.

“I’m happy everyone feels safe and happy around me but when will I be? I know the least I can do is make sure everyone around me is safe but it never goes the other way around” you mutter. You stared down at your hands realizing this was the first time you’d told anyone that.

Why were you telling this to Miguel out of all people. You didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to say it out loud but he brought you some safety, you could could relax.

When he wasn’t scream his head off he was actually a great friend. “No one’s ever cares for me the way I care for them. I’ve never been loved, never been hugged with anything other than pity” you went on.

Miguel sighed at your words, it hurt him to see you this broken. You were taken by surprise as you felt his arms wrap around you, you let out a shocked gasp as you felt his warmth. You waisted no time to arms wrapped around his waist.

“See now this isn’t a pity hug, it’s an I care for you hug” Miguel cooed trying to lighten the mood. You chuckled onto his chest taking in his husky soft scent, his hand ran down your hair as he pressed you onto him.

“You’re definitely loved, don’t ever think you aren’t ok? Look at me”

Miguel’s hand cupped your face to look up at him, his palm smoothing your cheek as he cleaned your tears away. You nudged into his palm like a cat, taking in his warmth as he looked down at you with endearment.

“Family isn’t always right but hey, all those spiders outside are your new family. Even when they annoy the hell out of you at times” Miguel smiled.

“And you have me don’t you?” He added. Miguel didn’t care to keep up his tough act with you, he loved feeling you relax in his arms.

“When we aren’t yelling at each other half of the time, yeah” you sniffle, your head still buried in his chest while he squeezes you tighter.

This was the calmest the both of you felt in a long time. Your heart beats and breath synced to one another, finally allowing you to take a deep breath and calm your nerves.

You pulled back slowly from Miguel. Who knew all you needed was a little conversation and silence to get you back to together. “I think you should rest, I can take you back to my apartment if you’d prefer not going back to your universe for now”

The generous offer from the man who rarely shows any sort of emotion other than anger was surprising, he was even surprised at his own offer.

You nod, not bothering to say it in words. “Need words sweetheart” he cooed; hand moving your face to meet his eyes “yes please” you reply with a nod.

Going back to your universe was the last thing you needed or wanted, you’d just rest your head at Miguel’s place and go over to Jessica’s later.

Miguel smiled at your response as he finally heard your voice come out of that sorrowful tone. Both of you are stuck to your spots, looking at each other in silence as he rubbed a thumb onto your cheek.

His eyes couldn’t help but quickly look at your lips, an internal battle going on within him wether to kiss you or not. He had a feeling it wasn’t what you were needing, that this feeling wasn’t mutual.

But after he saw you do the same, he took his chances. Miguel leaned forward, cupping the side of your face as he pressed a kiss onto your lips.

You happily leaned into the kiss, moaning softly as you finally felt his soft plump lips on yours. Miguel knew he was fucked, it felt like he’d be committing the worst crime he could ever commit if he pulled back. The mint taste of your saliva from the gum you’d been chewing a few hours ago still lingering as Miguel’s tongue slipped into your mouth.

He moaned into you, pulling you onto him fully to straddle him. All of it felt like a dream, you swore you could’ve been hallucinating the whole thing.

You told yourself you’d probably gone crazy while having the breakdown that you started imagining this but you soon came back to earth as Miguel’s hand massaged the nape of your neck.

You pulled away slowly, Miguel’s mouth following yours in hopes to connect but he coiled back as you ran your hands through his hair “that was not what I had expected” you chuckled.

His eyes were closed as your hands tangled into his hair, his body tingling and the feeling of your finger tips running through his puffy brown hair making him groan.

“Neither did I” he smiled as he finally opens his eyes to look down at you in awe.

“Guess that bittersweet friendship we had turned more than platonic with that kiss”

Taglist: @tati-the-fangirl @mxtokko

[esmedelacroix]

All the ways you disappoint me.

pairing: boyfriend!miguel o'hara x f!reader

summary: The honeymoon phase confirmed it's existence for the second year of dating Miguel. Your love life went from flourishing to one-sided the day Miguel revealed to you that he was Spiderman.

cw: ooc miguel, very angsty, depressive behaviors, alcohol abuse

a/n: I have been on hiatus for a very long time. I've been in a very dark place this past month. I lost a very good friend of mine that I have known since middle school. Which really threw me off track. I have a bunch of works in progress coming out soon. I finally feel like I'm in a mentally okay spot to pick up writing again. This is lowk just word vomit but its something.

*listen to this song on loop for the best experience !

miguel masterlist | next part

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Disappointment. A feeling you you felt often. Maybe even too often. You were very familiar with disappointment. He only ever came around late at night. Disappointment would wrap his arms around you as if he wasn't the reason why there was a wet spot on your pillowcase almost every night.

All Miguel O'Hara ever does is disappoint you. "So why are you still with him?" your good friend Jess asked over hot morning tea.

"What am I supposed to do without him?" you questioned.

"That's not a very healthy mindset to have. You know that," Jess said putting a firm comforting hand over yours.

You look away for a moment. Eyes trailing out the window of the Spider Society Café that reeked of coffee and broken promises. Miguel O'Hara was married to the barista who would hand him five coffees minimum a day. He chose to marry the barista and work and not his own girlfriend of three years.

As you watched the birds create an arrow in the air flying north over the firey trees below. Part of you wished that you were a bird in this very moment flying away from the problems that devoured your brain from the inside. "You still with me?" Jess asked worriedly.

"Yeah," you sighed turning back to her.

"So you'll talk to Miguel tonight?" Jess commanded. She did that a lot. She would ask a question that sounded like an order which made you feel the need to obey. You simply nodded bringing your mug to your lips and sipping on your now-cold Earl Grey tea.

"Isn't it strange how quickly tea gets cold?" you thought out loud.

"Well that's kind of how tea works hon'," she answered.

. . .

You stopped waiting for Miguel to come home ages ago because you didn't think there was a point in it. Just like how you didn't see the point in trying to talk to him about putting effort into your relationship. In the same way you shouldn't have seen the point in staying with him after your last thousand arguments. You felt your eyelids get heavier with every passing hour you spent staring at the ceiling waiting to hear the door swing open.

Like you summoned him with your mind, you heard the door. The keys. The sigh. And the footsteps. Your heart began to race. Why am I nervous? You asked yourself. You stood up and walked out of your shared room.

Miguel's usual routine was to get home eat the food you prepared for him hours prior, shower, and go to bed. As you walked down the hallway leading to the kitchen, you stopped yourself before turning the corner. Inhale. Exhale. You stepped out into the kitchen and his head shot up immediately. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" he asked. That’s new. An apology, from Miguel. You thought to yourself.

"No, no, I was having trouble sleeping," you answered in a quiet voice.

"Everything alright?" he questioned as he scraped the last bit of food on his plate into his mouth.

"Yeah, I've just been thinking," you started.

"About?" he asked urging you to continue.

"Miguel do you still love me?" you blurted out.

"Of course I do," he replied in a fraction of a second. He sounded almost hurt that you had even asked that question.

Moments like these make you forget the status of your relationship. Moments when Miguel would forget that he's supposed to be cold to you. The moments when he allowed himself to let his guard down around you. Those fleeting moments that should have never left your relationship. "Then why don't we spend any time together? I want to be around you Miguel, I don't care if we sit in silence in the most boring place on the planet. I just want to be in your presence," you admitted. He gave you that little hurt expression again.

"I—I've just been busy," he stuttered. Miguel would often do this thing where he would begin to say something and then cut himself off and choose to say something else.

"Miguel, you know you can tell me anything," you insisted.

"I just—can we please not do this right now?" he pleaded.

You gave him a frown. "Can we sleep it off? Talk about it in the morning?" he sighed rubbing his face.

"Will you even be here in the morning?" you ask under your breath.

"I'll see," he said putting a hand on your shoulder as he walked past you into the bathroom. He did it again. He cut off the conversation the moment it got hard for him. Why are we so complicated? You asked yourself as you lay your head on your moist pillow. Will there ever be a night where I don't cry because of him? A night where he doesn't confuse me with his actions?

. . .

That night as you lay in bed with his back faced away from him, you couldn't help but cry. You felt like you were drowning in your tears. Like they were holding you back. You tried to be as quiet as possible. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. You repeated to yourself.

The only happy thoughts you could think of were of Miguel. Or the Miguel you used to know. The person he used to be before he started using his job as an excuse to neglect you.

Just then when your breathing slowed and you calmed down a bit with tears still streaming down your face. He wrapped his arms around you. He cuddled you from behind. He did that often. When he thought you were asleep. It was almost as if different versions of himself occupied his brain. You liked the one that took the spotlight at night.

The one that would cuddle you. Nuzzle his nose into your hair. The one that would rub your back and. Apologize. To. You.

. . .

Apology fell asleep that night and disappointment woke up at the ass crack of dawn because there was another Spider-verse that needed saving.

You woke up later that morning to the usual chilling feeling of Miguel not being there. You got up stretching your arms as you walked to your kitchen. You made yourself a cup of tea and an omelette, and ate alone, in silence. Thinking. About him. Again.

For the second time this week as if you called for him with your heart, you heard the balcony door slide open and a masked man swing in. He took his mask off and shook his head adjusting his hair. "Good morning," you said with a stupid smile on your face. Why? You couldn't tell. Maybe it was the fact that he was actually here in the morning like he said he would be.

"Good morning. You’re in a good mood," he chuckled.

"Well you're here," you smiled.

Miguel gave you a look. You weren't sure how to feel about it. But it wasn't a bad look. It was nice. Kind of sweet. He prepared a pot of black coffee and talked about his morning in Peni Parker's universe catching a difficult anomaly. For a moment, you could feel little fireflies set off in your stomach seeing him talk about something he was passionate about.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked as he took a seat next to you.

"Just about us and our recent slump, I guess?" you started.

"I'm listening," he hummed as he sipped his coffee.

"I want to spend more time with you Miguel. I want to not argue with you about how much time you spend at work. I want to know what's on your mind. I want to know how you really are and not just how you say you are," you admit. Miguel stayed quiet for a while in thought.

"I don't know what to say to that," he said; his voice cracking a bit.

"You don't have to say anything just—let me be your shelter, please?" you suggested.

. . .

That night Miguel didn't come home. He didn't come in the middle of the night. He didn't come to eat either. He didn't come to wrap his arms around you. And he didn't come to apologize.

. . .

I don't like it when my friends tell me I have a drinking problem. How could it possibly be a problem if it makes me feel better about all the things that rack my brain? Being vulnerable is much easier said than done. Especially, with the girl I love. Of course, I want to tell her things. I want to tell her everything. I want her to know me as well as she knows her hometown. As well as she knows her childhood cat. And as well as she knows how to navigate Pinterest.

But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll cry and she'll think I'm weak. I'm afraid she'll think I'm unworthy. I know she would never think those things about me. But how could anyone think anything differently if I think that way about myself?

That's why I turn to the friend that won't let me down ever. Endless Modelos. Because I'm so weak that I can't even open up tp my girlfriend. Every time I feel like I am finally ready to tell her what I'm going through, I stop myself because I am afraid.

. . .

To your great surprise, Miguel wasn't there in the morning. Or the next, or even the one after that. By the third you hadn't seen him it was beginning to stress you out. You wondered if he was safe. If he was even still alive. You decided to go to the Spider Society.

After talking with Jess for a while and babysitting Mayday for a bit. You were finally free to go see Miguel in his office. You opened the door and called out to him but the only thing you heard from him was a sniff. Then two. Followed by a third.

"Miguel are you up there?" you asked as you climbed the stairs to his his platform.

"No?" he said in a shaky voice.

"Is everything okay?" you asked. You saw your answer in the form of 10 too many emptied beer bottles on his desk and on the ground.

You rushed towards him discarding your purse on the ground. He brought his hands to his face and he hid. From you. Your heart sank to the lowest pit in your stomach it could reach. You placed a gentle hand on his shoulders and crouched down next to him. "Miguel, talk to me, please?" you whispered.

Nothing.

. . .

The worst way Miguel could ever disappoint you happened. You had imagined it happening in so many other ways but not like that. You never thought of him as the type of man to give up on something so good.

For the last time in your relationship, Miguel O'Hara disappointed you when he told you he wanted to break up.

. . .

next part → All the ways I defy you

[drefear]

do you even know, how you make me weak

Inspired by @ofherdesire series of toxic Miguel, the characters are all theirs (aside from Miguel lol)

TW: toxic Miguel, bits of sex, violence, bullying if you squint, injury.

Lips left imprints on your skin as Pedro held your body like an antique vase, priceless and delicate. Every touch was such a change from Miguel’s rough hands always moving fast unless he knew he’d hurt you.

Pedro moved in a gentle manner unless you asked for more, and he kept you breathless as he watched your every reaction. It was always about you, about your pleasure, your climax.

“When you pull me close,

Feelings I’ve never known.”

The soft groans he let out as he whispered into your skin made you wonder how you ever lived without such touches and feelings.

This was almost a daily action, like you both needed it to live. He made a schedule to be able to see you once a day, even if it meant only a few minutes and a peck on the lips. He never failed to remind you of his everlasting love for you, his dedication to show you how appreciated you were. Pedro was such a beautiful and welcome change of pace.

Yet, you still longed for the hulking presence you caught brief sightings of, but this was always followed by a blinding ray of blonde pep, like a police flashlight in your face at midnight when you’d done nothing wrong. The sly girl kept him close any time you were around, including during missions.

Miguel couldn’t be around you for more than two seconds without blue eyes popping out from behind him, something that had begun to cause problems within him. She didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t blame her, when he was constantly drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

“Miguel, you ok?” Peter’s voice broke the larger of the two from a trance as he watched you jump from a ledge as you four fought an anomaly, your webs trapping the enemy in your clutches as Miguel stood like a statue, eyes watching you in awe. It was like watching an actual spider weave its web; agile and careful, yet still powerful and strong.

“Miguel!” Peter shouted, finally snapping Miguel out of his thoughts and dodging a falling piece of debris. He rolled onto the ground and grabbed a survivor, handing them off to-

“Miggy!” His girl. He looked at her, why wasn't he always looking at her? She caught the bystander and he turned his attention back to you, who was facing off the anomaly alone now as Peter worked with his girlfriend to find anyone else who might be trapped. He sprung into action once he saw the position you were in and jumped to your side.

“Take the other side, I can handle this one.”

“You’ll get hurt, deja de ser terca!”

“I’ll be fine, now go!” You yelled and yanked your strings tighter in your fists, and he obeyed.

As he worked on the side you directed him towards, you threw the trapbox and red lasers enclosed around the anomaly, making you and Miguel both relax for a brief second. Sighing in exhaustion, you gave a small smile to Peter and Miguel, until suddenly a shout was heard and your body was jerked forward.

As you blinked, you felt the warmth of Miguel’s chest in your face, Peter moving closer to check on you and in the far distance, the sharp angry eyes of his girl.

His red luminescent webs wrapped around your torso and you held your head a bit, the sudden motion making you a little nauseous.

“Are you alright?” Peter’s voice was almost distant as you tried to step away from MIguel, but his hand tightened around your waist and you pushed harder, disliking the lack of distance between you two.

“I’m fine, really. Just a little dizzy.”

“I told you not to be so stubborn.” Miguel’s voice was cold, visceral, and you frowned up at him. It’d been almost a year since you two had an actual conversation, since you last kissed his lips and heard him say how you weren’t enough for him and she was. The sour memory bit into you like an animal and the poison made your vision turn a bit red on the edges, but you wouldn’t let the pain overtake your senses or act out.

Instead of giving him a sassy remark like you wanted to do, you just tapped your watch and opened a portal back to HQ, “I’m getting my head checked, I’ll see you all at debriefing.” You mumbled and walked through the portal.

Miguel watched the portal close and closed his eyes, frustration bubbling inside of him like rapture, popping and hissing at the intense heat it was beginning to give off.

The clean up was minimal, Miguel instructed both Peter and his girlfriend to reconstruct the cannon, and he made his way to bring back the anomaly. Once everything was secured, he sat in his sector, platform high above the actual floor as it gave him better concentration away from all of the talking and bustle of HQ.

The soft patter of footsteps made him aware that someone was making their way up to him, the sound of a web slinging a lighter body up to his level.

“You alright, baby?” Her voice was soft, more on the high-pitch side, and clear like a flute. Her manicured hands pressed into Miguel’s tense muscles and he sank into his chair further, letting her go harder.

“M fine.” he grunted and she nodded, not pushing further. She never pushed, never pressed further than what he wanted. She was just so good, easy to be around, and never making him feel too intensely.

He felt nothing around her. It was simple. He thought he liked that, so why did he crave you so much? Why were you all he thought about? You forced him to feel weak and out of control, even before he met her.

“I think you should maybe give her less missions, it’s obvious that she’s getting sorta… distracted?” Her tone was quiet, and he just nodded in agreement, but he knew you weren’t the problem. He was the distracted one, and he knew that she saw this too. So he didn’t argue, just sank deeper into her butter touch and closed his eyes.

“I’m a lightweight, easy to fall, easy to break

With every move, my whole world shakes, keep me from falling apart.”

You laid in the infirmary, eyes closed from the pressure on the back of your neck. Truth be told, your head didn’t hurt, you just needed to get away from them all.

The door opened and you felt Miguel looming by the end of your bed.

“You’re ok.” It wasn’t a question as much as an announcement, like he was speaking to himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You answered and avoided his eyes, scared to get caught in the red glare that trapped you in his hold for months on end.

“I think from now on, you should take it easy.” His voice wasn’t one you wanted to argue with, and it meant the possibility of not seeing him as often, so you didn’t mind. The ache in your chest still lingered.

“Okay.” You nodded, and something sparked in Miguel that you hadn’t seen before.

“Okay? That’s fine to you? You don’t care?”

“I mean, isn’t that what you said to me?” You shot back to him and he looked as if you’d actually shot him with a gun, your bullets creating a red ring in his eyes and making them brighter.

“This isn’t about us.”

“There never was an us.” Your words came out without hesitation and he let out a breath like you’d hit him in the gut. “It was just sex, right?”

“Mi bella.”

“Not yours. Never yours.” You looked up to him finally with fat tears in your eyes and his heart finally broke.

A door closing made you both quiet and look behind Miguel, seeing…

“Pedro…” Your voice was barely above a whisper as he stood with flowers, eyebrows furrowed with conflict and confusion.

“Did you two-” He didn’t even finish the sentence, Miguel not moving an inch. You jumped up and brushed past him, rushing to Pedro as you held him.

“Before, it was before you, before us.” You rambled, hoping it would be enough, that he’d understand.

“And now…?”

“Nothing.” Miguel’s voice was harsh, like the words were wrapped with barbed wire and razor blades.

“Exactly.” Your eyes found his and the look was tense, angry, hateful. “It was nothing.”

Miguel’s eyes darkened and he stormed out of the infirmary. Pedro just looked from him to you and sighed.

“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” The hand that held your favorite flowers dropped and a few petals floated to the ground, similar to how your soul felt right now.

“Can we go home?” You asked meekly, wanting to at least be secluded as he nodded in agreement and opened a portal to take you to your apartment.

Peter worked silently next to Miguel’s girl, the room echoing as he typed up his report for the anomaly capture before finally speaking.

“You knew that debris was falling, why didn’t you catch it?” He asked and the blonde turned to look at Peter B, then back to her own screen.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I saw it, you watched the piece of the building hit her.” He kept his voice low, “is it because of how Miguel looks at them?”

She froze. Of course she noticed, she wouldn't have made a move on Pedro if she wasn’t aware of the threat you posed. Threatened. Her heart pounded as a sneer appeared on her face for a second before smiling with tight lips.

“Miguel is with me, and that’s all that matters.” Her voice, sickeningly sweet to Peter, answered as if just discussing the weather and not how her jealousy could have killed you, someone she was supposed to see as her ally.

“You’re right, Miguel is with you, so don’t let your insecurities make you do something that could make you lose him.” Peter stood with those words of advice and walked away as if he didn’t just give her a thinly veiled warning.

Her blonde ponytail bobbed as she went to find Miguel, here to surprise him on her day off with a lunch she made him. As she approached his office, she heard panting and groans, knowing those sounds well by now. She’d been seeing Miguel for a few months and things had begun getting serious, so she easily recognized the sound of him about to orgasm.

As she peaked in, she saw him watching videos-

Videos of you. His hand fucking his cock fast and hard as he stared at the screens showing your agility as you soared through the sky in your spidersuit. Her blood boiled and her mind zeroed in on her true target; you.

Pedro sat across from you on your couch, tears filling your eyes as you explained what happened between you and MIguel.

“Who else knows?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Just you. Miguel and I never told anyone, he-” Your voice caught in your throat and you gulped it down, “he didn’t want anyone to know he had been with me.”

Pedro’s hand squeezed yours and he closed his eyes, moving to kiss your cheek.

“Is that why you were so upset that she tried to flirt with me?”

“Yes…” You admitted and let your shoulders sink.

“Alright.” Pedro stayed quiet and then pulled you into a hug.

“What are you-” You began to ask, but he cut you off by cupping your face in his warm hands.

“I’m so proud to have everyone know you’re with me, that you’re mine and I’m yours.” He emphasized the word ‘yours’ and your body trembled in shock. You flung your arms over his shoulders and buried your face into his chest, crying tears you didn't know you were holding in. You felt his lips kiss your shoulders and the side of your face as you wept into his shirt, clutching him close as you spilled your upset.

Lately, Miguel had avoided going home, focusing on work more and more. His precious girl was becoming too clingy, too much for him to handle. He wanted his freedom back, wanted to be the lone wolf he felt comfortable being.

“Miguel?” Her voice rang out like a bell and he closed his eyes, frustrated with the whole day. “Will you be coming home tonight?” She asked cautiously and he just shook his head, knowing she could see him from her vocals echoing. “I miss you, Miggy.” She pressed and he huffed.

“I’m too busy.” He replied and she moved to slip her hand into his, but he jerked away. It wasn’t intentional, it was natural and instinctual. She flinched and her face became dark with anger. “Baby, I-”

“That’s fine.” She answered and spun around to walk away.

“Peter spoke to me today.” Miguel’s voice made her body run cold, feeling like a fly caught in a web. “Said that he thinks we missed something, so I looked back at the footage.” He finally turned around and stood tall over her, “You let her get hurt.”

“It wasn’t intentional-”

“Bullshit!” He shouted and she kept herself calm, fists balled by her side.

“Would you be this upset if it was me?” She asked and he rolled his eyes.

“No puedo mas, this again? What is it with the constant questioning?” He yelled and she folded her arms in defense.

“I see how you act around her, how you look at her!”

“I’m with you!” He screamed back and the two fell quiet, breathless. His chest rose and fell with fury.

“Do you love her?” She glared and he tensed, the blistering heat of the question scorching Miguel.

“Mi sol, I love you.” He tried to emphasize the word ‘you’ once again, trying to explain that she was his sunlight, his-

“You didn’t say no.” Her face grew stoic, cold, almost rude as she straightened up. “So you do.”

“But I don’t- it’s not like that. I don’t want a future with her.”

“You don’t want one, or you’re scared of one?” The implication made him shift where he stood and look away from her, trying to even process everything she was assuming about him. “I don’t want you near her anymore.”

“Fine, I’ll prove it to you that you’re the one for me.” He moved to hold her hands, but she tugged them from his reach. “Please.”

“Alright.”

You were put on less missions, denied access to certain sectors of HQ, and worst of all, completely ignored. Little miss perfect was peppy as ever as you walked towards Miguel’s sector, stopping in her tracks to stand in your way.

“Hey! Need something?”

“Yes, actually. I’m not able to get into some areas that I need to for the next mission.” Her face soured and her pink lips turned to a scowl.

“You were assigned that mission?”

“Peter B asked me to take it for him, he’s having trouble finding someone to watch Mayday and MJ is cracking down on the whole ‘no more bringing Mayday on missions’ rule.” You continued tapping your watch until you bumped into her body, falling backwards and looking up to see her smiling sweetly, bent down and a little too close to your face.

“I’ll get someone to cover the mission, you can rest up, ok?”

“Um, it’s fine, I can handle a minor anomaly.” You backed up and she sighed, rolling her eyes and glaring down at you now. “Is there a problem?”

“Stay away from Miguel, and there won’t be.” She narrowed her eyes and spun on her toes, getting back to her peppy little skip before you could even process the brief conversation you just had, if you could even call that a conversation.

She saw you as a threat, and this was a revelation.

You took her advice and avoided Miguel completely, giving up any mission and refusing to take on anything that he might be present for.

The only time he was unavoidable was when others were around.

“Welcome in, watch out for some of Mayday’s toys!” Peter chuckled and let you walk in, Pedro behind you holding a bottle of your favorite wine and keeping his hand in yours. You stopped short and stared at the table in front of you. There sat Jess and her husband, Pav, Hobie, Miles, Gwen, and… Miguel. He had an arm over the empty chair to his right, another on his left. You gripped Pedro’s hand tighter and walked towards the empty chair to his left.

His girlfriend came out and sat in the chair you moved to sit in, batting her eyes and smiling up at you.

“Oh, sorry, I was already sitting here, but I think there’s a few spots on the couch!” She pointed over to the living room, everyone else completely engrossed in their conversations. You balled your free hand into a fist and just returned the comment with a nod, pulling Pedro along as he glared at Miguel. The leader of Spider Society watching you walk out, then flashing a glare towards the woman by his side.

“There’s no need to be cruel to her.”

“So would you rather her and Pedro sit here?” She leaned backwards, folding her arms defensively as he huffed. For the two of them, the days filled with either rigorous sex or obnoxious arguments. Behind closed doors, Miguel and his girlfriend were now miserable and always giving one another digs. She always caused fights between them when he was busy or trying to sleep, and most of the time they ended in rough kisses. It was the only way Miguel knew how to get her quiet, and how she knew how to keep him under her control without him thinking of you.

“I just might.” He answered and stood up, walking into the living room. Grabbing his coat, he saw how Pedro held you closer, how he comforted your upset frame, how he was so gentle with your hands in his as your head laid on his shoulder. His eyes met Miguel’s and at that moment, Miguel realized that Pedro knew. “Can I- Can we talk?” He asked the other man, motioning towards the balcony. Pedro kissed your forehead, making an itch form in the palm of MIguel’s hand, and followed the bigger of the two out the sliding glass doors.

“Pedro-” Miguel started, but the other raised a hand and interrupted him, a serious look in his dark eyes.

“She told me what happened.”

“I know. I can tell.” Miguel looked out at the city and kept one hand in his pants pocket. “She’s… She’s the world, the moon, she is-” He stopped himself briefly, “she was my everything, but I didn’t know how to care for her. You do, so please don’t ever stop or make my mistake, entiendes?” Miguel’s eyes, rimmed with red, caught Pedro’s and he saw that there was pity in them.

“I-” Pedro’s words caught in his throat as he looked away, trying to understand what the other was saying, then hanging his head. Miguel was trying to let you go, trying to let you be happy with Pedro, and Pedro saw that as Miguel’s eyes avoided him now. He deserved the truth. “You should know that your girlfriend has been bothering-”

Miguel sneered and gripped the railing with both hands. He saw her for who she was now, a snake in a spider suit.

“I know exactly what she’s doing. It won’t happen again.”

Pedro nodded again and looked towards the sky. “You should try to let her be happy.” His voice cracked and he walked away before Miguel could react, slipping back inside and sitting back on the couch with you. Miguel followed after a beat, now understanding Pedro’s statement and grabbing his coat.

“Honey, where are you going?” Her sickly kind voice made Miguel angry as she placed a hand on his arm, before he yanked it away. “You didn’t tell me we were leaving.” She spoke back, a bite in her words that would go undetectable to the others, but MIguel’s eyes burned red with a fire she’d never seen directed at her before.

“That’s because we aren’t. I am.” He clarified and trudged out of Peter’s door.

That night, Miguel sent Lyla to tell her to get her stuff out of his apartment, and that he would like his things returned to HQ as soon as possible.

You and Pedro laid in bed that night and as you drifted to sleep, you felt his watch get a buzz. He glanced at it and immediately turned it off.

“Was that important?”

“Not as important as you.” He pecked your forehead and pulled you in tighter. You fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat under your head and woke to an empty bed.

[luvrxbunny]

i feel like you would be miguel’s comfort space.

and it’d be so fucking cute

like if he’s had a long ass day and you’ve heard, you come home to him just sitting on the couch and he seems fine

anyone else would think that they’d misheard, that he actually had a perfectly fine and easy day but when his eyes meet yours they flicker in their calmness for just a moment, like you can see all his distress flash over his features before he can regulate it

when you rush over to hug him you can hear his breathing hitch and pick up as his hands grip you tighter in the hug. you hear sniffles work their way into his breathing pattern and maybe he just sadly whimpers your name before the tears start streaming down his face.

and i imagine he hates that he can’t control his emotions around you, that he feels so comfortable and safe, he has no choice but to let them out in your presence

especially in your embrace

[sanjisluvbot]

🙂 ok so we obviously know what is gonna win now I gotta work extra hard bc I’m this number gonna double by tomorrow. I didn’t even write anything yet but I’ll start now. Get ready for something ANGSTY

Message me or comment today if you’d like to be tagged. I’ll see you all tomorrow !

[ EDIT : For the rest of you, yes, chapter 15 will be uploaded tomorrow as well <3 ]