#Everyone is gay

[witchastra]

Can't Resist You excerpt - jegulus/endgame jegulily - link to chapter 1

James had just begun to turn away when a hand grabbed his. Internally, Regulus cursed his teenage self for not only having a crush on the boy in front of him but for causing his stomach to do a backflip at the idea of dancing together.

Externally, he finished the last bit of his drink and gestured towards the floor. James beamed at him, making Regulus’ stomach defy gravity for a moment, then started leading him through the crowd. Regulus blamed the alcohol.

It’s even more dense now, and Regulus braced himself to push through the bodies. Only it never happened. James used the whole width of his frankly muscular torso to clear a path for them. The music was roaring now and Regulus could feel the bass in his bones. James was still holding his hand, his thumb brushing over one of the rings on Regulus’ hand when they found a small opening in the middle of the floor and James turned to face Regulus

Looking at James, Regulus panicked for a moment. He’s danced with friends and plenty of strangers but this, this is James Potter. How could Regulus dance with him the same way he danced with strangers, people he didn’t care about?

He’s about to turn to face the crowd, his default having been his back toward his dancing partner, when James uses the hand he was holding to pull him close, their bodies pressed together. Regulus looked away, trying to hide his flush and James’ lips found their way to his ear. “Is this alright?” James asked.

Regulus nodded. Embarrassed into silence once more, while his traitorous heart picked up its speed.

James moved his hands, slowly, so as not to freak out his new dance partner. He brought them to rest them on Regulus’ waist, but the movement alone does something to Regulus. All at once, his brain seemed to short-circuit, and remember there was alcohol flowing through his veins. Regulus reached up, throwing his arms over James’ shoulders. Then, they start moving at the same time. Pressed together, James' hands firmly on Regulus’ waist, they dance in time to the beat.

The longer they danced, the more relaxed Regulus felt. He ran his hands through his hair and swung his hips, and was already smiling when he snuck a glance up at James.

Maybe it was the lights or the alcohol, but Regulus could have sworn that James was looking at him with hunger. It was gone quickly, James' signature smile coming in full force. Then, Regulus had an idea.

He put his hands over James’, which were still on his waist. He gave James his best ‘Trust me’ look and James gave him a nod right before Regulus took James’ hands off. Regulus felt the music flowing through him and shook his hips in a circle as he turned, his arms flung in the air then slowly down his body. When he had turned a full 180, he pressed his back into James and quickly grabbed the other man’s hands to replace them on his waist.

James’ lips were back at Regulus’ ear once again. “You’re an amazing dancer, Regulus,” James said, his hot breath making Regulus shiver, and he swore that James’ grip tightened slightly. The compliment made Regulus smirk, thinking of all the moves he hadn’t done yet. James moved his lips, brushing them against the skin where Regulus’ neck met his shoulder. “And you smell fucking delicious,” James spoke directly into his ear, and the words shot directly to Regulus’ core.

The sober, rational part of Regulus’ brain was trying to remind him of who this was, that it wasn’t some random stranger he had picked up, this was James Potter.

But the much louder, drunker part of his brain loved how James’ body felt against his and might kill him if he moved his hands away.

link to chapter 1

[mentallyillastrophelfreak]

their first thoughts seeing each other:

James: oh. hi, you. he's so cute, I wanna touch his curls.

Regulus: oh my fucking-THIS IS THE GUY SIRIUS KEEPS TALKING ABOUT?!? WHY IS MY HEART BEATING TOO FAST?!? AM I DYING?!?

[coyotepuppyy]

i think the real reason november 5th has been so much more “intense” (for lack of a better word) is because this year has been so incredibly GAY. like. think about it. how many massive projects in media this year (that are mostly very popular on tumblr) have been queer. just to name a few in the last couple months, good omens season 2, OFMD2, loki season 2, heartstopper season 2, red white and royal blue movie, the list goes on.

2023 has just been the year of the gays, so of course destiel shippers on tumblr dot com are thriving.

[lavender-000]

REMUS LUPIN COMMENTATING ON GYRIFFINDOR VS SLYTHERIN GAMES (some time in 6th year)

-

Remus: Welcome to the quiddich games i'm Remus Lupin and I'm forced to be here I hope you fuckers enjoy my pain

McGonagall: Remus Lupin!

Remus: *ahem* sorry miss but we're off the two terms are flying up to... hit things? Honestly im best friends with the Gyriffindor captain and fucking the beater no clue what's- OUCH MISS IM SORRY but that was uncalled for simply stating fac- OUCH-

ANYWAY our captain Potter is about to score- and missed, call me delusional but I'm pretty sure he was staring at baby Black, really Potter? Let's all thank your captain as Slytherin now have the ball thing- quaffle? Aaaannnd they score well done James WELL DONE.

McGonagall: let's move on from James please, 10 points to Slytherin.

Remus: Of course and the game begins again OH Marlene is going for the other more aggressive ball thing-

McGonagall: bludger

Remus: yes that, and she hits it! Go her that was good it went straight for the Slytherin team and OH MY GOD MCKINNON YOU DIDNT JUST WINK AT MEADOWES but that was smooth, I'm sure she was impressed... I'm being glared at LETS MOVE ON OH WOW James? Did you just SCORE I'm suprised you didn't get distracted aga-

McGonagall: REMUS LUPIN!

Remus: Aanndd 10 points go to Gyriffindor Barty is definitely not happy with that i don't know what you do but go hit those angry balls! Make a show for your boyfriend!

Now the games start again Gyriffindor is ahead wow if only Regulus Black stopped staring at someone's THIGHS WE'D BE DONE

YOURE. NOT. SUBTLE. BABY. BLACK.

Remus: ...ladies and gentlemen Miss McGonagall just laughed she can also see the pin-

McGonagall: Remus Lupin please leave

Remus: Of course miss can I just...?

McGonagall: ...just make it quick

Remus: Sirius you look so hot right now I'm gonna f-

McGonagall: SAY ANOTHER WORD AND YOURE NEVER LEAVING DETENTION

Remus: f-all in love with you even more...

McGonagall: ...

Remus: ...shit did Sirius just fall off his broom?

McGonagall: thank Merlin, Regulus caught the snitch GAME IS OVER SLYTHERIN WIN, REMUS DETENTION LEAVE NOW!

-

-

The chaos if Remus was a quiddich commentator

(I love it)

[ladykailitha]

A Love Connection Part 1

In a very special engagement (as in a don't normally post 5 days a week), I introduce "A Love Connection"!

If the premise looks familiar the original idea is from here, where a couple of people in the notes or tags said they'd love to try it. And after a year, I figured I'd try my own hand at the idea.

This will update on Tuesdays at 10am and 10pm EST. With hopefully eight chapters.

Summary: Steve has tried everything under the sun to find someone to truly connect with, so he gives up after a particularly horrible date. Then Chrissy introduces him to her favorite game show "Love Connection". When Chrissy and Robin apply for him, they don't think they'll except him, but he does. His suitors are Billy Hargrove, Tommy Hagan, and Eddie Munson. Will Steve crash and burn again or will his connection be there waiting for him?

~

Look, to say Steve’s love life was a disaster would be unfair. That would be underselling it. It was a fucking catastrophe. He had gone to bars, joined hobby groups, used all the apps, even Grindr; though that was mostly for hookups, which sucked. But that was the nature of the beast if he was honest.

And the beast had completely devoured him. All his dates were either only interested the casual, cheated on him, or wanted one-night stands. Which Steve absolutely did not want. He wanted connection. Intimacy.

“I absolutely give up,” he whined to Robin, after the last date tried to slip out in the middle of the night, knocked over their lamp into their goldfish bowl, killing the goldfish, then he tried to hide the evidence by dumping it down the garbage disposal and turning it on! Lied about it, then stole their last beer as “compensation for his trauma’ and told Steve to never call him again.

“Look, Ryan wasn’t the best guy,” Robin replied with a grimace. “He liked Oasis and Tool unironically. Always a red flag.”

Steve snorted. Robin was a music snob most days, but she wasn’t wrong about that. Ryan and he had been dancing around and with each other for weeks before they finally got so hot and heavy that they went back to Steve’s for sex.

“It’s not fair,” he huffed. “You went to that bar and you a hottie girlfriend and I went to that bar and fucked a fish killer! I loved Garfield! He lived for five years before that bastard mercilessly murdered him. That’s long than my last ten relationships combined!”

Robin winced. “Ooh... I’m going to have to call Chrissy and let her know we can’t go back to that gay bar again.”

“Oh he’s so dead now!” Steve ranted. “Not only is he fish killer, he has driven us from our favorite bar!”

“Let me order us some take out,” Robin said standing up, “then I’ll call Chrissy over and we’ll all cry over Ciarán Hinds and Amanda Root falling in love.”

Steve sniffed away a couple of tears and nodded. “Then can we have a funeral for Garfield?”

Robin tilted her head and smiled sadly. “Of course we can. It’s a Sunday so none of us have work. We can watch as many weepy romance movies as you want, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve croaked. She gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek. He watched her wander into the kitchen to see what leftovers they had in the fridge so they could order from somewhere else. He loved her so much.

~

Sometime in the afternoon when they were more than a little tipsy, Chrissy commandeered the remote and turned on her favorite game show.

“Love Connection”

“Noooo...” Steve whined, burying his head into a throw pillow. It was Garfield shaped. It was what inspired the naming of the valiant fish. “This is the last thing I want to see. It’s so fake. No one gets together on these things. It’s so cheesy.”

“Exactly!” Chrissy crowed. “That’s why it’s perfect, we get to make fun of them!”

Steve thought that the only good part of the show was the second half. The first half was split into three different rounds. The first round was each suitor answer the one question, for a total of fifteen and then the catch would rank them, best got three points, second two, and third only one.

Then in the second round there were a set of rapid fire either or questions that the catch would yell out and the suitors would write down their answers. If their answer matched the catch’s they would get a tally. Whoever had the most tallies would win five points. Then three points to second place and one to the last place.

Then in the final round, each suitor would be asked separate questions and the catch would rate their answer one through three and that’s how many points they would get. Then at the end of the round all the points would be tallied up and the two highest would move on to the next round.

To the part that Steve actually liked. The first question always asked was “what would you do for a first date?” And the suitors got to take the catch out for the date and then afterward for drinks, the two dates would ask the catch some of the questions he asked them. Then the catch would pick the one they connected to the best.

It was all the stupid questions that bothered Steve. That was the fun part of dating, having these conversations and learning about them as you go. But then maybe that’s what Steve’s problem was, is that the people he dated didn’t care about these types of conversations.

“Why would you say you hate sports,” Steve huffed, waving his hand at the screen, “when the guy is a major soccer fan? Like did she think that she was going to put a stop to him enjoying it after starting dating?”

“Ooh yeah,” Chrissy agreed. “Just pick a different catch.”

Robin turned to her and tilted her head. “Do they get to chose their catch? I thought it was all random.”

Chrissy paused the show and pulled out her phone and the Wikipedia article. “Okay, it says here that people can apply to be suitors,” she waved at the row of women in the three booths. “Or catches.” She indicated the guy with her hand. “If they’re chosen to be a suitor then they are given a list of catches, headshot included. Then they rank vote them, so if four people pick Henry, then one will be on their second rank vote. And that part is randomized. According to them, anyway.”

Steve snorted. He highly doubted anything was randomized or voted on. They went for the biggest drama and everyone knew it.

“How long has this show been going on?” he huffed. “Like please tell it’s new and shiny and that’s why people like it.”

Robin snorted and shook her head. “Sorry, babe. But this is season twelve.”

“Oohh...” Chrissy said. “We need to show him the season six finale. That was hella juicy!”

So despite Steve’s protests, Chrissy pulled it up on her streaming services even though they hadn’t even finished the episode they were on.

When the credits rolled, Steve stared at the screen in utter shock. “What the honest fuck was that?”

Two of the three guys got into an all out brawl when the one guy had scored the lowest and felt that the second place suitor cheated. Not first place, second. Both guys were arrested and hauled off the set.

“It came out later Sven was right,” Robin said. “Elliot cheated. His cousin was an ex of the catch so he went in knowing a lot about Stella. The things he got wrong were things that had changed since she was dating his cousin.”

Chrissy nodded. “That’s why the have partitions up between the suitors now and why they have vigorous screening now. The show was almost canceled.”

“So why wasn’t it?” Steve asked honestly. “That was a shit show, if I was Stella I would have sued them into oblivion.”

Robin squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “She did, but they settled out of court.”

“Basically,” Chrissy said, pouring them more wine and handing the first glass to Steve, “she wanted them to completely overhaul the system. She didn’t want it off the air, she wanted it safer for future participants.”

“The more the fool them,” Steve huffed. He took a long sip of his wine. “All right, fine. Let’s start at the beginning.”

Robin and Chrissy cheered and they all huddled up together on the sofa to watch this absolute train wreck of a show.

They were about half way through the third season and twice as drunk when Steve slurred, “Why are there no gay peemles in this? It’s a trav–trad–tramajesty.”

“Travesty!” Robin slurred back, her language skills always being the last to go when she’s three sheets to the wind. “And you are absolutely right! This is homophobic!”

Chrissy nodded solemnly and pulled out her phone. “I’mma show them...” she muttered with her tongue sticking out. “At loveconnectionUSA Need more gays, hashtag loveconnection hashtag need more gays.”

It wasn’t long after that that the three of them passed out on the sofa, empty bottles all around them and a message on the screen asking if they’re still watching.

~

There was a loud beeping noise and it absolutely was hurting his head. He reached over to where his phone was usually plugged in on his nightstand, but his hand went straight through it. He waved his arm all over the place but still his nightstand eluded him.

He peaked open one eye but his vision was obscured by a mass of blonde hair. He tried to push it out of the way but it kept falling back into his face. Finally he pushed Robin off him and onto the floor with a thud.

“Hey!” she yelped.

Steve peered over the edge of the sofa with a look of confusion. “Why are you on the floor?” he muttered over the still beeping of his alarm.

“Stop!” he mumbled and somehow, blissfully it did.

“I’m on the floor because you pushed me there,” Robin huffed, getting to her feet. She did a sniff test and grimaced when she completely failed. “God... how much did we drink yesterday?”

Chrissy struggled to sit up and blinked at her girlfriend groggily. “Not enough if I feel like this.”

Steve rolled over and looked at them both in confusion, then the events of Saturday and all day Sunday came flooding back in.

“Oh fuck...” he muttered, sitting up himself and rubbing his face. One eye was blurry from where his contact had shifted in the night. He wasn’t even sure why he had them on. Probably from sheer force of habit.

He got up and stumbled toward the bathroom where he emptied his stomach of all its boozy contents. He really didn’t remember them eating after breakfast, only a steady stream of harder and harder liquor.

While his was puking his guts out, Chrissy and Robin stole the shower. Thankfully only taking the time they needed to get the gross feeling of being hungover off their skin.

Then Steve closed his eyes as they exited the shower and snuck into Robin’s room to get ready for work. They all worked at Hawkins Middle School, where Steve was a history teacher who coached swimming and basketball. Chrissy was a health teacher and advisor for cheerleading. And Robin was the language teacher. The principal snatched her up because she could teach French, Spanish, and Italian, with her only needing to hire a German teacher.

Steve got his shower and then opted for glasses instead of his contacts, not trusting his shaky hands not poke out his eye or some shit.

They all were mostly human once they got coffee, painkillers, and cereal in them, the three of them, no doubt looking like escaped extras from a zombie flick. They moved as one, gathering up their stuff and shuffling out to Steve’s car. Chrissy sat in the back, Robin riding shotgun.

Chrissy opened her phone to check to see if she had any messages. “Holy shit!”

~

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Look I'd be sorry about the cliffhanger, but you're only waiting 12 hours for it, soooo...

Have fun!

Tag List: TEN SLOTS OPEN

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

[melandrops]

hollywood could never top the casual but meaningful representation that horror fiction podcasts have

[mysinkingsun]

[divine0rdainment]

Randome demon: IS ANYONE IN THIS HOTEL STRAIGHT?!

Angel:...

Charlie:....

Vaggie:...

Husk:....

Alastor:....

Adam: *Raises hand*

Lucifer: *grabs his hand and pulls it down* We have literally fucked.

Adam: Oh... Right.

[pien-art]

all the mashposting got to me

(click image for optimal quality!)

[zaebeecee]

The funniest take in the whole Hellaverse fandom, in my opinion, is “Lucifer is heterosexual”.

Like… my friend. Yes, he married a woman. Yes, he says he likes girls.

But you really watched all of Hazbin Hotel, and possibly all of Helluva Boss, and walked away from that still assuming “straight is the default”?

You think that the king of all Hell is a cishet? Even though all of the archangels, in their OG canon, are neither cis nor het?

I love Hellaverse because, like, almost zero people are cishet and WOW can some people not deal with that

[themistymountainscold]

cody: hey rex, is it gay-

rex: yes. cody everything between you and general kenobi is gay. you are gay.

[mentallyillastrophelfreak]

Remus: YOU ABDUCTED THE PRINCE??

James: Now, I wouldn't say 'abducted'-

Remus: -YOU LITERALLY JUST SNATCHED HIM JUST WHEN HE STEPPED OUT THE PALACE!

James: We're just...borrowing him.

Remus: HOW IS REGULUS BLACK, THE HEIR, BEING LOCKED UP IN A ROOM WITH RESTRAINTS 'BORROWING?!?

James:...uh...

James: I guess I have a death wish?

[paynomindtotheinsanity]

If Gaz walks in on Dib drinking Zim's blood what would he reaction be?

…This isn’t what you asked for, is it?

[accio-sriracha]

Headcanon that if the Marauders and Co raised Harry, Neville, and Luna they would all be multilingual to the point of absurdity.

Like think about how many languages all of their weird fucking aunts and uncles speak?

They have Punjabi, Italian, French, Welsh, Gaelic, etc...

The adults never took the time to learn all of them because why would they?

But the kiddos grew up around it and obviously adapted to learning each one individually.

So now you have a chaotic trio running around hogwarts at eleven years old screaming at each other in their parent's mother tounge and every-fucking-one else's.

Genuinely like eight different ones.

They take a language class just to fuck with the teacher (and sometimes correct them)

Gods I love Marauders and Co raising Harry with my whole soul.

[lavender-000]

*the Black family, the royalty of the wizarding world. They carry wealth, beauty, status gliding ahead of society, untouchable by anyone*

-

*Also the Back family*

Walburga: someone needs to procreate, Orion is getting ill and we still don't have any grandchildren!

Sirius: well, I'm gay...

Narcissa: same

Bellatrix: same

Walburga: Salazar save me, Regulus?

Regulus: yeahh... about that-

Walburga: IS ANYONE IN THIS HOUSE STRAIGHT?

Sirius: yeah, Andromeda!

Walburga: ... straight and not a blood-traitor?

Sirius: ... yeah... no.

Walburga: Salazar please take me I can't do this anymore...

-

Everyone is gay and I love it (including Salazar)