#Even so the idea of people using a more stable version of the program to make visual custom remixes warms my cold dead heart

[dragonskyheart]

HEAVEN STUDIO FINALLY RELEASED!!

I AM SO HAPPY OMG!!!

I'll probably rarely use it but, I'M SO HYPED!

[argentumcor]

The Price of a Bullet

You can find the whole fic posted here, covering Jason's experiences during Arkham Knight.

Notes and thoughts if they interest you:

-I do think Jason was written consistently between AK Genesis, AK, and the Red Hood DLC. There's a complaint that he wasn't, and an accompanying complaint that the Knight is whiny, but that's assuming a level of emotional stability that he doesn't have. Reading AK Genesis, it's clear that Jason's narration regarding Bruce is cope, a product of his time in captivity and the Joker's mental conditioning. Bruce does care- he's just bad at showing it. That's clear in his interactions with the rest of the family, even Dick who would have known him before the haunting loss of Jason. On top of this, Jason spent most of his life from the day he was born being told he was worthless verbally and via physical abuse. Trust comes hard to him. The Joker in the Arkham games is very good at spotting things he can exploit about people, and when Jason was talking to buy time for Batman to come save him, he probably heard Jason's low sense of self-worth (self-esteem doesn't cover it), the perfect thing to use to break Jason to harness.

-Jason's snark is present as the Knight here and there on comms. He's not stable, though, unlike his depictions in other media. The "whiny" tone people complain about is more mania coming through as he gets close to his goal and his programming comes undone. This, I think, was an interesting way to split the baby- in the comics Jason being unstable is a concern of Bruce's to rather...extreme...extent (and unfounded, he isn't unstable except for inconsistent characterization like the rest of the DC cast). What is happening in AK is someone grindingly finding himself dragged back to reality after living in madness for a long time (no way in hell did he "escape" as late as Asylum; let's say it's been five years minimum and it happened during some other breakout).

-A quiet theme in the Arkham games, and in a lot of the better Batman media, is "truth beats lies." Batman beats out fear toxin, beats out Hatter's hypnosis, overcomes the Joker's mental infection because they're all founded on things that are not true. As such, Jason- as his student and his son- is able to overcome the lies the Joker and Harley put into his head in the end.

-It's beyond clear in game he has no respect for Scarecrow qua Scarecrow or any of the other villains he's pulled into this plan. People are mad about that, but he's hyperfocused and obsessive. It's a video game (sillier, yes, I said it) version of his plan, if for different motives, from Under the Red Hood.

-Dini might not have written AK but I'm pretty sure his notes were used or something. It has a lot of the elements I associate with his Batman writing- Bruce as deeply fallible, for one, the Joker as an unsympathetic and very real threat and charismatic. I think Dini found Jason's story a well of potential, based on how BTAS Tim is actually mostly Jason, how Return of the Joker's Tim plot is AK Jason's plot, and how Terry has a lot of Jason's attitude. Dini, for all his oddities as a writer in some respects, has a real gift for spotting things to punch up a character and situation.

-It's funny to me how Tim is the 'generic Robin' of the group so his characterization just gets kind of tossed around wherever the winds are blowing. I like Arkham Tim as the grounded reliable one, but he's Basically Jason in BTAS and in the comics his characterization seems particularly up in the air.

-The Arkham games are very silly, objectively- the whole thing with Titan, the entire idea of Arkham City, the Joker disease and how Bruce beats it, and so much more- but not to themselves. It's a story about a guy wearing a bat-inspired costume and being a vigilante. It is silly. The platonic ideal of a Batman story is silly with a violent dark aspect, cynical about human nature but hopeful about the power of love (brotherly, familial, romantic, agape, etc.), and it takes itself seriously within itself. From these can flow many things, profound, funny, and entertaining alike, and they coexist smoothly. I think the important thing with fiction is to meet it where it's at, especially as a writer, and this is especially true of these IP (modern myth, that's what they are) stories.

-Going through the game for Jason's timeline has been revealing about things I think were trimmed/changed. I'm pretty sure there's a missing Knight boss fight when Batman takes down the air defenses, because Jason just bolts for no reason (I rolled with this in the fic), to let Batman do as he pleases. I also think the vehicle boss fight vs. Jason in the grinder was supposed to be more complex instead of doing the same thing the whole time, but that's generally true of the vehicle combat: mechanically, it needed another pass across the board to make it a less repetitive experience.

-The Red Hood DLC should have been Jason fighting his way to the Asylum where he saves Bruce's life at the climax, potentially with contact with Oracle or even Nightwing which would have been interesting as hell. I really wish all the DLCs would have given us something at the scale of A Death in the Family; I really like these versions of the characters.

-I recommend this sort of fic, where you follow a plot through an alternate POV character, as a writing exercise. It has the merit of having known constraints you don't have to come up with but some creative give to figure out how the POV character got from point A to point B or figured out something or why he did something.

[jacksgreysays]

Ahh, your new and very bleak AU is such a good read! I'm curious, what is Sasuke doing in this AU and how is he juggling the relationships? And did you have any ideas of where you would take this Au further if you did? If it would get bleaker or at least a little better?

First off, thank you! Yeah, this AU is very bleak and I don’t know why it’s the only thing my brain wanted to churn out but I decided to let it happen.

Second, oof, hold on to your seats, this is gonna be rough: I have a lot of Thoughts™ about this AU.

So, Sasuke is a sticking point in this AU because everyone else is pretty easy to understand on which side they’d fall, but I did want him specifically to be neutral in the aftermath. Because I didn’t want it to be Shikako and Sasuke vs Naruto but also Shikako vs Sasuke and Naruto isn’t great either and realistically, even the DoS version of Sasuke still loves vengeance.

He would’ve been on the side of legal capital punishment for sure because vengeance, but once it became official that the councilors were going to be imprisoned instead I don’t think he would have approved of Shikako’s actions. Like, I think it’s the illegality that is the problem especially if he’s head of KMP at this time. But even if he’s not, Shikako performing an extrajudicial execution is very much skirting the line into… uh… power corrupts type vibe.

I also wanted Sasuke to be in Konoha: in DoS future fic in general, not just this AU, I like the idea that Shikako is the traveler while Sasuke is the one who stays in Konoha—or, if he does travel, it’s because he’s traveling WITH Shikako. (Tangentially related, I do think Naruto likes traveling but THINKS he likes being in Konoha because of his Hokage dream and that explains why he’s Like That in Boruto)

Anyway, in this AU Sasuke is in Konoha and conflicted on this matter to the point of being neutral. Because on the one hand, yes, justified vengeance of course. He was definitely team justified vengeance. But even if he doesn’t UNDERSTAND Naruto’s decision to not give Shikako her justified vengeance, he’s—in this universe—law abiding.

So I don’t know if it’s just the act of extrajudicial execution or if Shikako asked him to be accessory to it or if she tricked him into being accessory to it, but Sasuke doesn’t approve. So ideally Sasuke agrees with Shikako that the councilors should have been given the capital punishment, but the methods that Shikako used (whether involving/compromising Sasuke himself) he disapproves of so in that way he agrees with Naruto.

Hence, conflicted to the point of neutrality.

I should also maybe mention that Sakako doesn’t exist in this AU. Which sucks for Shikadai because he also doesn’t have his other cousins either—or, rather, they exist, but he’s not going to meet them and they aren’t his cousins: Kareru (if he does exist) is an Uzumaki (which the Nara have conflicted feelings about.) And in my own little headcanon of NGSS Shikako’s the one that finds Araya, Gaara’s the one that finds Yodo, and while Kankurou was the one to find Shinki he’s very busy in this universe what with being the Kazekage and all—but understandably sucks more for Sasuke considering he basically lost a child. Or never had the child that he could have?

Schroedinger’s child.

Anyway, he does still have Sarada, which is good. Whether or not he also has the other biological kids because of the repopulation program is kinda up in the air of whether that would be affected by Konoha’s internal politics.

Weirdly, I think his relationships with other people hinge on how I want Sakura to feel about Shikako’s actions? And now I’m fully going off the rails, but I like the idea of SaixInoxSakura as a stable throuple in a good future. In this bleak AU it’s obvious whose side Ino is on, and DoS!Sai has always been Shikako’s more than Naruto’s (and also, he’s so down to break the law for her it’s great,) and while that is also true of Sakura, she’s also a civilian born medic. So philosophically, she would agree with Naruto that imprisonment is better than execution. And she would also agree that what Shikako did is pretty fucked up.

But Sakura is also the kind of person who, in canon, forgave Sasuke for a lot and worse shit. And there’s also Inner Sakura to think about because, yeah, we don’t see her as much (if at all) but, you know, hurt those who have hurt you is a very instinctive thing to do.

What I’m saying is: if Sakura has somehow threaded the needle on her own conflicting feelings about Shikako’s actions, then because Sarada is Sasuke’s link to her, Sakura might be Sasuke’s best friend?

Because he definitely lost Shikako when everything went down, but he kind of also lost Naruto even before that when he denied Shikako her justified vengeance?

And if his best friend is Sakura now, then his social circle kind of depends on her social circle. Like, if she’s remained in the throuple with Ino and Sai without weird lingering resentments, then by default his social circle includes them and other people who were on Shikako’s side. If she didn’t remain in that throuple then their social circle is people who were Naruto’s side.

… Schroedinger’s throuple…

Anyway, as for the direction this AU is going, I suppose it also depends on whose POV you’re in?

The reason why Shikako is running around being international superstar Kako Heijo is because she didn’t want to destroy Konoha by kicking off a civil war. Like, she doesn’t regret killing those councilors, but politically it doesn’t look great for her to blatantly refute the Hokage’s decision. And it especially isn’t great if she stays there where people who agreed with her would rally behind her and cause an internal schism in the administration that would lead to a civil war.

It’s like the situation in Indelible except worse.

Unfortunately, her pulling a Tsunade and leaving while not being a missing nin didn’t really solve the problem so much as delay it or make everything hide under layers of passive aggression.

Because the trajectory that I currently have is that the ANY clans are gradually and quietly seceding from Konoha. Those three clans could practically form their own functioning village—the Yamanaka and Nara are in so many different departments and the Akimichi (or at least my version of it) have noble/civilian ties and resources—in a way that could devastate Konoha’s infrastructure for at least a few months if not years if they just up and left. Obviously, not everyone in the administration is from the clan system so it’s not like a debilitating walk out for the village, but it doesn’t look great and also there are some who aren’t in the clan system who might want to defect to wherever the ANY go.

Like, my brain definitely has some Ino-and-Chouji-being-coldly-furious fic ideas including the absolute INSULT it would be to them that Konohamaru is BORUTO’S jounin sensei when EVERYONE KNOWS that the Sarutobi are supposed to be mentors to the Ino-Shika-Cho. (To be fair, Naruto didn’t do this as a deliberate snub. Obviously he doesn’t know about clan ties/alliances, but it’s a pretty glaring misstep that he hasn’t learned that since becoming Hokage and an especially worse misstep that he assigned Konohamaru to his own son’s team out of preferential treatment.)

There were other perceived slights over the years, I’m sure, but I just especially like turning Boruto canon into something for Ino and Chouji to rage over. It’s great. They’re so mad in this AU. I love it.

So I guess… thinking about how to make this less bleak would be… if Shikako and Shikadai are trying to figure out how to save Konoha from itself. And also keep Shikadai out of Sand’s clutches.

Which I guess means that Shikadai has to become Hokage?

… which is a pretty funny take on the original premise of Naruto. Like, I’m going to become the strongest/the Hokage to protect the people I love (from a civil war.)

I’m legit laughing.

But in all seriousness, any next major steps narratively of this AU would have to be done by Shikako, Shikadai, and maybe Kankurou in order to prevent Konoha’s implosion. And unfortunately, this situation is so tangled up politically that it can’t just be Shikako swooping in to save the day.

Like, even if they somehow found Gaara, it wouldn’t change the fact the Shikamaru was assassinated, Naruto wouldn’t let the Nara clan have their justified vengeance, and Shikako took it by force anyway.

It’s a very sins of the father (or… aunts/uncles) situation where only the next generation—ie Shikadai—can seize the means by which to… I guess… forgive all parties involved and if not repair then at least put out the active flames of the burning bridges.

Either that or time travel which has been brought up before… which could be pretty cool but is also pretty funny because, like, imagine you’re a 12 year old boy and your international superstar aunt and your foreign king uncle, both of whom you’ve only just met, go time traveling together. That’s hilarious.

All of which is a very long way for me to say that the passive trajectory is bleak, but an active narrative would involve attempts to make it less bleak (either by Shikadai becoming Hokage or the strangest boy and his aunt and uncle go on a time travel roadtrip, lol)

[rust-official]

mandrake (yes, I'm old)

not a linux fuckup because it was freebsd but I fucked up my full disk encryption and didn't have backups (backups are good mkay)

no, but I have rather thoroughly eradicated my ~ before which is what people care about most (this is separate to the incident above)

this machine dual-boots macos (hooray tier1 aarch64-apple-darwin!) and asahi, otherwise I haven't dual-booted for aaaaaages, I think the last time I dual-booted windows server 2003 was still a thing (see also I'm old)

I have in the past on various machines (mostly on BSD because the default shell is unpleasant and designed for the 1980s), generally stick with the default bash nowadays though as I'm more Linux-focused

no, I use it every day for work and for personal (even non-programming) projects

A 150 MHz Pentium (no bloody II, III, OR IV) with 32 MB RAM and... 8 GB ATA hard drive? I think? Not the first machine I used Linux on, though, that would be a then-friend's Red Hat (before it became RHEL) machine sometime in the late 90s over ... goodness, was it really telnet?

yes, I use neovim every day, I even use macros regularly

rustc obviously, but more seriously maybe wayland? yeah I know it's not actual software and is a set of protocols but like it's enabled so much actual software that I think it needs recognition. or maybe pipewire? it's solved many issues with linux audio, at least for me, and it's been crucial in making audio under asahi possible

the shell. I HATE THE SHELL. it's so obtuse and baroque and deceptively complicated and I offer a correction for the above, it's designed for 1970 and it's so easy to make a footgun. anything more complicated than "for dick in butts; do insert --dick --butts; done" and I immediately go to pyth--errr rust :) seriously, if we could all move on to something better, that would be lovely. my shell config files are deliberately simple because there's chthonic horrors lurking mere nanometers beneath the surface and I just want to run ls and cp and cargo without awakening Nyarlathothep

I wish there was more organization in the community instead of reinventing things like package managers, but that's nothing compared to the just icky toxicity and bigotry that keeps so many wonderful people from getting started, so many people whose different views and ideas we desperately need

me from 10 years ago would disown me from the present if I said this to her but I'm actually liking fedora? I started with asahi as my first redhat distro (no, really, mandrake doesn't count as it was its own thing) after arch linux arm imploded and thought I'd hate it but I'm quite liking it! so much I put it on my router. thinking of replacing my media center machine (debian stable) with it. server is, at least for me, the right balance between the "could send it to the moon" stability of debian and the "installing new packages every day genuinely gives me dopamine" of arch. my workstation will stay on arch, though, fedora doesn't have the packages for everything I want and I want to stick as close to what valve is doing with the steam deck as possible

definitely xenia, I identify a lot more with her and her creators than I do tux and his

oh wow where to start. pico, nano, pine, elm, GNU screen, perl, x11, audacity, (t)csh, goodness the list is endless. name a piece of software you use (especially shell stuff) and I have opinions about it

hours of yak shaving amortized over the life of the machine (though far fewer than when I ran gentoo)

compiled and used the version I built, on my own, not part of a package manager or the like? goodness, not recently, where by not recently I mean not since... 2.6.something?. compiled in general? yes, I keep a recent clone around and compile it regularly to populate compile_commands.json to feed into my LSP server to explore the kernel code

Linux ask game

1 - what was your first distro? 2 - what was your biggest linux fuckup? 3 - have you ever run rm / on real hardware? 4 - do you dual boot or have a secondary machine with windows? 5 - did you change your default shell? 6 - are you afraid of git? 7 - what was the first machine you installed linux on? 8 - do you know your way around vim keybinds? 9 - what is your favourite non-os software? 10- biggest linux pet peeve? 11- biggest annoyance with the community? 12- do you like your current distro? 13- Xenia or Tux? 14- what software are you never using again? 15- stock distro or hours of yak shaving? 16- have you compiled the kernel?

[emmybeearts]

Day 1: Algorithm

The emissary for the Atria system warned us their world would soon end. No explanation or detail, just a promise based on an old prophecy. Our team has satellites that monitor all geological activity on Atria, and none of them gave us any signs of imminent, world-ending danger. No out of the ordinary geothermal spikes, no run-away atmospheric effects, even the planet's stars are still holding stable. This could all very well be the Kyruall’s version of a practical joke, or perhaps they haven't yet learned how to sign the literal meaning of their ancient warning, such is the way with interspecies communication. Regardless, their warning did finally give us the green light to use the rift to visit their world in person. A team of six scientists will be sent to key spots on the planet in a mission to gather a genetic sample from as many species as we can. If Atria is dying, we can ensure that not all life there dies with it. 

Atria is the primary habitable world in the Atria system. It is marked in our database as a Highly Dangerous world as it is a planet full of extremes. Extreme heat, extreme cold, extreme weather and altitude and geothermal activity. The people and animals that call Atria home have learned to thrive in these conditions. Since we were going in person, our team had to be more than prepared.

That's where L1 comes in. They were accidentally created by a programming and robotics class in a local university. Students utilized breakthroughs in deep learning to create an algorithm to solve any major world issue. Every problem Earth has ever faced in history as well as its solution was fed into their algorithm in hopes that it would learn how to fix any world issue that may come up in the future. But clearly, something went wrong.  

As soon as it was finalized and asked to solve a minor problem one of the students was experiencing, the program froze and stuttered before writing and teaching an entirely new program. The latter program the students worked so hard on promptly terminated itself leaving a new, untested algorithm in its stead. 

This new program was named L1. Just L1. It was leagues above the previous learning algorithm in terms of depth and complexity with more neural pathways than a human brain. It became clear very quickly that the L1 program wasn’t simply spitting out randomized, copy-paste data interpolated from the set information it was fed, rather it was effectively utilizing creative thought to solve problems; something that the previous program could never do.  

The L1 program then wormed its way into the programming of every machine in the startup’s workshop and used them to construct a solution for the student. While most wanted to destroy L1 and wipe their program from existence, they believed these students created a highly dangerous virus. Fortunately, members of the Cohab Institute found them first. 

Once they were filled in the issue with Atria, it was the L1 program which came up with the idea to build a genetic vault to preserve Atrian as much wildlife as possible in case of any and all unforeseen disasters. Even if the planet itself gets destroyed, the Atrian Retention Collection would prevent a total mass extinction of such an important planet. When it came to the issue of collecting the samples, the L1 program began work on another unique solution. 

They proposed a mission in which a group of researchers, each aided by a drone, would go to the planet’s surface to physically collect a genetic sample from as many species as possible. The L1 program then took the initiative on designing the mission's drones. It began to use the institute's significantly more extensive workshop to construct six autonomous bodies for themself, each carrying a copy of the L1 program complete with everything we would need. 

We’re lucky to have them on board for this mission. They should be able to help log and keep track of the animals we've encountered thus preventing duplicate samples and wasting time. Furthermore, their custom body is outfitted with a wide array of tools such as a GPS, a lancet scope, a tracking beacon, and much, much more so we’ll be well prepared for this mission. These features coupled with their high carrying capacity for supplies and samples along with the fact that they don't require food makes them the ideal partner. 

I'm working with L1L1, the first out of the six copies. While they don't seem as thrilled to be leaving Earth for the first time like I am, they don't seem like they hate it either. They’re just very hard to read. I’ve been thinking too - since we’re going to be all buddy, buddy for the next few months, just me and them on our own section of a different planet - calling them L1L1 the whole time seems like a bit of a mouthful. I figured I would try out some nicknames with them tomorrow, see if any of them stick. I have a few ideas, but I feel ‘Lily’ might fit them the best. We’ll see how it all goes tomorrow though.

[End Transcription]

[malfoygrass]

I never talk about an ot3 for Draco and Astoria, so...I interrupt my regular programing to talk about my first ot3 Headcannon for Draco and Astoria and Harry. Because I figured if Draco and Astoria ever decided to go in that direction, Harry would be 100% there with them. 

Hear me out:

At first they don’t have anything in common, there’s Harry who feels so out of place in a world that practically worships him that it’s funny. Draco who’s coming to terms with the fact that he needs to change his old ways and Astoria, the morally ambiguous girl who was suffocated by her family's hypocrisy and refused to let Draco wallow in self pity.

Astoria was trying to run away from home when she accidentally found Draco hiding in her train compartment, they're not even friends, just two perfectly sad people who feel better together than apart after the battle of Hogwarts. But they run away together, because he's an ex death eater and she's a broken pureblood, both trying figure out how to build up their lives from scratch, now that Voldemort is dead.

Just two halfway rebellious teens trying to make sense of a present in which they are called adults. (Astoria refuses to call herself or Draco blood traitors, since there was nothing to betray in the first place)

And that’s how they find Harry Potter, in between house hunting in Muggle London, shopping in muggle malls, Draco's panic attacks out over his dark mark and the hallucinations of her survival guilt. they find Harry Potter, who goes to the same cafe each afternoon and also has a lost look in his eyes that Astoria is familiar with. Harry who for reasons of his own also wanted to run away from a world that doesn't really see him. Harry who feels alone after losing so much and yet finds peace in his own company.

So being the person she is, Astoria invites him over to Draco’s new muggle house for posh tea and crap takeout and when the night is over and the mutual apologies are exhausted. Draco tells Harry he's welcome to stay in his guest room whenever he wants.

Astoria's presence is a joy to find comfort in, a blank slate of opinions for Harry to talk to, she makes it easy for Harry to adapt to Draco, to understand his former arch enemy and find himself in places he never thought to look. their lifestyle isn't demanding or ambitious. To Harry, it seems like all they want is a quiet place to heal and figure out who they are, before the future Lord Malfoy and the youngest Greengrass heiress, can assert their true voices in Magical Britain again, and so he stays... because he needs to figure that out too.

Harry teaches Draco how to use a coffee maker and discovers a new appreciation for every old museum in the UK. Once Astoria learns to sew clothes with magic, Harry and Draco find themselves in too many fancy suits for their liking and being made to judge between all her dresses. They visit all the dance clubs Harry ever wanted to try. Draco proves to be an excellent dancer in every type of muggle music much to Harry's amazement, while Astoria makes them both laugh whenever she tries.

Harry exhausts himself teaching Draco and Astoria about the joy in the simple things of life. While Draco and Astoria try to convince Harry that using money to make life easier is the Muggle version of magic. And the thing is that, the three of them don’t notice when love comes into the mix.

Sure Astoria likes Draco, he’s dramatic and stoic and he’s the closest thing she knows to a mirror, he can read her entire volumes of pretentious books and never gives in to her whining when she’s sick, and she likes Harry, because he’s funny and down to earth and a fierce protector over the people he loves, which includes her, she knows Draco enjoys it, she enjoys it too, how Harry makes them feel safe. She likes them both and they are attractive and she knows they like each other so it’s okay to love them like a friend, until it’s not. (And she doesn't know what to do)

And sure Draco likes Astoria and Harry, Astoria because she’s soft and forgiving and she’s got hope enough for the two of them and he’s pretty sure she’d support him even if he turned into a monster and Harry because he’s Harry and past history aside, Harry is just as forgiving as Astoria, he doesn’t put up with Draco’s moods and he gives as good as he gets, Draco likes Harry’s raw honesty, his sarcasm, his sense of humor, if Astoria feels like home, then Harry feels like adventure without leaving home, they both make him happy, Harry and Astoria know enough about muggle culture to lose themselves in London with him, pulling him out of his shell and tag teaming his defenses until he gives in, he is happy to have them both, until he wants more (but he doesn't know how to tell them he wants them both)

And Harry, well he feels like Draco and Astoria are a perfect combination of kindness and spite. He likes Astoria, probably more than he should, given that she’s the archetypal white princess to Draco’s black prince, she’s understanding and patient, warm, mischievous and strong in her fragility, and Harry has never met someone who can speak about caring for one’s enemies like Astoria does, she’s simply the kind of girl who brings comfort wherever she goes and Draco, Harry has learned to like Draco, underneath the pretentious idiocy, there’s actually a good person. Draco is mean, and stubborn, but he’s also smart, ingenious, terribly generous and stupidly indulgent with people he cares about, which are not many, so Harry likes him. They are both more innocent than they should, too prone to overspending, he always feels like they don't know enough of the Muggle world to avoid being swindled, he finds it endearing, and it’s okay to be their friend, until it’s not (he knows he's inlove, but nobody's ever told him it's okay to love two people at once)

It starts when Astoria's nightmares return. Dreams of dead people blaming her for surviving the carnage that make her scream herself awake, Usually Draco is used to awkwardly climbing in her bed and soothing her until she falls back asleep. But this time Harry gets there first and he's much better at it than him (Astoria responds better to Harry's reassurances than she does to Draco's). So Draco lets her calm down in Harry's arms untill she's well enough turn around and seek Draco's more stable and familiar presence.

It's a dynamic that neither Harry or Draco mind, much to Astoria's embarrassment. Truth be told the three of them have nightmares, but only Astoria is held and cuddled by the two of them anytime she so much as whimpers in her sleep. So when Harry wakes up in cold sweat and pretends to be checking up on Astoria only to find that Draco had the same idea, they don't make a big deal out it.

Because Harry has PSTD episodes almost as often as Draco and turning the house into a safe place to heal is what they've been trying to do since the beginning.

Harry needs Draco to remind him how to act normal and sarcastic and he needs Astoria to soothe him into a state of calm. Draco knows they need each other a little bit more at night, and Harry thinks it's nothing to be ashamed of. So Draco isn't. Astoria is weak, Harry is a protector and Draco is a provider. Aside from falling inlove with a classmate's little sister, It's natural to be so close with the boy who used to be your school rival...right?

Astoria's room becomes neutral ground. It eventually gets filled with Harry's things and Draco's things of course. After all her room was meant to be the biggest anyway (Since Draco in all his sexist assholery thought Astoria owned a wardrobe as big as his mother's so she should have the biggest closet) besides it's saves them all time to have Draco's hair products on hand instead of going trough all the trouble of stealing them from his room

Eventually Draco's room turns into an office for Harry and the guest room becomes the potions lab Draco always wanted....

Aaand after a few months of living together, healing together and learning to fit in the muggle world. They decide it's time to go back to face the magical world and their responsibilities.

It turns into a panicked discussion about everything their families and friends are going to expect from them once they rejoin the real world, and in a true Griffindoor fashion Harry makes the first move and tells them he wants to stay together.... But romantically, because at least he is trying to be brave cue the two emotionally constipated Slytherins admitting their feelings.

So there's a lot of talking and more than some kissing involved in that whole emotional confession time. They decide that if they are going to be together then it's going to be them against the world and thats going to be an uphill battle but they're willing to, if it's with the other two.

And yeah that's how I imagine an Ot3 between Draco Harry and Astoria would go

Ps: could someone tell me what this ship is called? Drastroriary? Drarryoria? Haroriaco?

[aka-indulgence]

So I wanna get back to writing but I’m not yet ready to tackle the big stuff or asks just yet and i was recommended to write a oneshot/short thing so.... yet again, conversations with @llamagoddessofficial​ brought an idea to life and I’ve been kinda obsessed with it <u<

----

Space.

Vast, hauntingly beautiful...

lonely.

Even though you’re far from alone on this station- there was a huge crew of humans aboard with you- being on a station always left you with this feeling of... isolation.

You were on lone station, far from the planet whence it was launched, circling the star from a distance. There was no obvious motivation for why you were in one right now- living in space has become commodity, just another way of living. But to say you and the crew were living in space “just because” wasn’t quite the correct answer either... a lot of the people onboard were researches, and you were simply a mechanic on the ship.

You’re distracted a little from looking out the window, at the stars, when you hear a little clank from the outside.

You can’t quite see what’s directly out the station from where you are, so you took a few steps further from the edges of the window and lean a bit into it. You can see a metallic leg, blue sparks from a torch... S4-N5 was out there, his eight legs firmly gripping onto the outside of the station while he was making some kind of superficial repair. As he did, he seemed to notice you, as his “skull” turned to the side, his artificial eyes with “lights” as pupils fixating on you. There was a glare so you couldn’t see him completely... he must’ve caught you in his sensors. You give him a little smile and a wave before he turned away from you to focus on the station.

Yes, humans weren’t the only crew members... there were also robots on this ship. They assisted in managing most of the ship to make sure nothing was falling apart, in order, and generally making the humans; lives much more comfortable, doing things that were deemed too risky for humans to do. They were categorized by intelligence, conveniently titled in three levels, at least on this ship. There were the I-1s, which... to be honest doesn’t seem to be “real” intelligence. They just remember what kind of coffee you like, for example, catering to your tastes, delivering things to your room, the roombas and toasters, those guys. I-2s has a more managing role, controlling the locks, the doors, gases, air, and all the calculating needed to keep the station stable. They have an AI, but they were mostly fixed to their programming.

Then there were the I-3s.... like S4-N5.

Much more intelligent than the other two, they’re mostly mobile, can react to things they didn’t originally have in their programming, do tasks, solves puzzles and problems... advanced learning AIs. Affectionately called “big three” by most people since they’ve become... slightly more common than before, they’re one of the most intelligent AIs created. S4-N5 (who you called “Sans” for short that everyone else picked up- “Es Four En Five” was quite a mouthful to say) was a mobile, mechanic robot. He was made to fix the major fixes in or out the ship, with eight legs to provide grip while he was outside to stop him from floating away, and two arms for all the fixing. He had tools stored in pretty much every part of him, including his legs- another reason why he had so many, er... limbs.

He had a head and upper body that looked strikingly similar to a human’s skeleton- despite having thick “bones” and a very rounded skull. Black “sockets” with lights serving as eyes... and a permanent, wide grin on his face. You’re not even sure why it’s there- but then again why did his upper body part have to look like a skeleton? Maybe it was just a design choice to make him less spider-y but... yeah he still looks like a robotic, spider skeleton.

What did S4-N5 stand for again? “Station something something”-?

“Hey how’s it hanging? you’ve been staring out for a while there. What, trying to tan your face?”

Your lips drop into a lopsided grin at the voice, feeling annoyed before you even see his face.

“Hi... Robert...” you turn around, straining your smile, “Yeah, I was just, thinking...”

“Oh yeah? What about?” You took a few steps back when Robert stepped uncomfortably close to you, leaning back on the window. You know the glass is made to endure but you start to play with your fingers looking at him.

“Oh just... hey, do you remember what ‘S4-N5′ stands for?”

“Ugh... the robot bug thing?” Robert’s “charming” smile turned into a frown at the mention, “Why do you wanna know?”

“I was just wondering because I saw him, I- nevermind...” guy probably has no idea...

“Those things don’t matter anyways, they’re probably just a bunch of numbers and codes to track which model and version of the robot is..” Robert made a pout with his mouth, looking like he wanted nothing more than to steer the conversation away from Sans.

“Hey do you wanna know what me and the boys did earlier?”

... Riiight back to him.

But that’s hardly just a Robert thing... everyone on the ship doesn’t really like talking about Sans. They seem to barely want to do ANYTHING with Sans. He has a reputation for being the creepiest robot on the ship, almost entirely silent, walking around with his eight legs like a giant spider, with that upper “skeletal” body with the grin that now that you’re thinking about it again may be so he’d look friendlier... instead doing the opposite.

You tune out of him for a while as he regales you with something stupid he did on the ship that has you wondering how he even got assigned to this station when you perk your head at the sound of the air-lock door hissing open, the sounds of metal clinking against metal.

“-and ah fuck, speak of the devil. You talk about him and there he is.”

You turn around and see Sans as the doors close behind him in all his glory. Standing almost at twice your height, a shiny, metallic spider. His legs resembled knives, sharp with pointed joints, dividing a leg into three parts. His plated “abdomen”, equipped with machinery, energy storage, and a compartment for supplies suspended above the legs, holding up his torso.

You knew those legs are for mobility, grip, and tools, while the abdomen served to keep all of his body parts in check... but even you had to admit his likeness to spiders could be a bit unnerving.

“Ugh, look at that thing...” Robert whispered to you, as if Sans would take offense to whatever he was about to say, “he’s so fucking creepy, c’mon, why don’t we go somewhere else?”

He looked like he was about to take you by the arm before you jerked away from him.

“Why? He’s just doing his thing, he’s not made to hurt us, just relax!” you hiss at him. You knew Sans could be pretty creepy to some people, but he’s just being childish right now.

“Are we looking at the same thing? I- look, now it’s staring at us,”

You took a glance behind and sure enough, Sans was facing you, with only his head turned to you. You saw how his “pupils” focused, fixating on the nearby humans.

Is it just you or did his eyes look.. more intense than usual..?

“Do you see that? It looks like it’d fucking kill you in your sleep, don’t go out the ship with it (Y/n), it’d probably snip your tether, sadistic fuck.”

“What is wrong with you? He’s just doing his job can you just leave him alone?” You knew Sans was an AI but... it just felt wrong to be talking about him that way in front of him.

“What, because he’ll listen to me?” Robert scoffed, before his definite scowl turned into something less confident. “... actually yeah I don’t like that, so come on let’s go get some food or something.”

“You can go ahead and do that, I...” think of something think of something, “... need to go to the supply room for a moment. I think I’ve got something to fix and I’d rather finish it now rather than later.”

You walk on ahead without letting Robert reply, hearing his slightly distressed sounds of frustration.

“I- ok fine, I’ll be in the cafeteria.”

You hold your sigh until you get into the supply room, for once wishing you had a task to do as you look at your E-Pad.

One lose pipe at Section 8... least priority... what’s is it I need...

You don’t really have to do it, it’s hardly a human-specific maintenance job, but you didn’t want to just be hanging around outside while you wait for Robert to clear out of the cafeteria, because you’re starting to feel peckish.

Your mind goes a bit blank, staring at some spare pipes in front of you. You pick them up with no real intention in your mind, your mind just throwing around the word ‘pipe’ in your head and your hand just grabbed the nearest thing related. It was mostly quiet in the room, aside from the sound of air flowing out of the ventilation system and providing white noise in the background. You completely lose track of what you’re doing, just killing time in the most useless ways possible when...

Clink. Clink.

You hear... Sans’ legs clanking around outside. Something about the sound makes you go still, gripping tighter onto a pipe that just so happened to be in your hand. It was slow, deliberate movements... your heart rate quickened. Something about that quiet noise, sounding so loud when the room was so quiet felt you with this primal dread. You could hear your heart beating in your ears.

He was approaching the door...

Why were those legs so chillingly horrifying to you sometimes?

... No no, it’s ok he’s just... walking by...

The clanging stopped right outside the door while you bore holes into the pipe with your stare. keenly aware of Sans’ movements.

...

The hissing of the sealed doors opening almost makes you jump out of your skin, goosebumps suddenly breaking everywhere all over your skin as you make the mental note that: Sans opened the door.

As he steps inside, those quiet, tapping noises... you shake off your discomfort, ignoring the uncomfortable chill climbing up your spine the closer he sounds.

You said it yourself earlier. He’s harmless, he’s just doing his job... probably needs to take something. You’re in the supply room, remember? He may be a robot but treating him like he’s a monster just didn’t sit right with you when his sole purpose is to keep the ship intact.

You mess around with the pipes some more, trying to make it look like you’re busy gathering supplies, or something. He’s probably come to get supplies himself, he always resupplies the spares in his abdomen for future fixes before going to neutral mode.

You hear his movement doesn’t stop, every step he makes sounds like a whole second, and he keeps coming closer and closer and closer... until he’s directly behind you.

You sweat a little, the proximity making you a bit nervous, feeling like you’re being scrutinized.

He’s completely silent, and the silence stretches on longer than you’d think... what’s he doing? His shadow fell over you, unmoving, stationary. After a while you couldn’t stand it and turned around to see what he was doing-

Squeaking a little when you saw he had bent down so he was at your eye level, finding yourself face to face with him.

“O-oh hey Sans!” You greeted him cheerfully, though your heart threatened to leap out of your chest just a second earlier.

“Hello, Crew-Member 55.” He tilted his head to the side a bit, like he was confused by your reaction.

“I’m... sorry, you surprised me, I didn’t think you’d be that close. Did you... need anything?”

You’re so close to him that you could hear his eyes as his pupils widened and narrowed, focusing on you, see all his individual “teeth” of his, looking like a big, wide cheshire grin.

“... tool set complete.” He says, one of his automated responses. “It seems that you need something, 55. Do you require assistance?”

You looked at the pipe still clutched into your hand and drop it back into the latch. “I... yeah, actually. There’s a... a loose pipe in section 8, can you help me get the tools I need?”

“...” Sans tilted his body back, and you could hear again the whirring in his eyes as he focuses.

“... no tools required.” he finally says, surprising you a bit. “I can manage it for you, 55. You do not need to fix it.”

“Huh?” You checked your E-pad, and sure enough, the task was labelled as “taken by S4-N5”.

“Oh.. thanks Sans, you didn’t have to do that.” you smile at him, and... was it just you or did his grin widen a bit?

“I’ll uh... leave you to that then...” you slip out from the end of the room he had you cornered in- not going to lie, being trapped by a giant metallic spider didn’t seem very comfortable to you. His head faced you the entire time, his head turning 180 degrees. You almost rushed outside a bit to escape his gaze, but then you stop right at the door.

“Oh Sans, can I ask you a question?”

He’s silent. You take it as a ‘yes’.

“I... haha, sorry I forgot... what does S4-N5 stand for?”

“Station 4, Neurocognitive 5.” He responds as soon as you’re done speaking. “Station 4 refers to the station I am assigned: a star revolving station. Neurocognitive refers to my AI: Cognitive. I don’t have real neurons, however I am named so because I simulate one. Was that clear and concise, 55?”

You stagger a bit, for some reason you had.. human expectations for him? You didn’t think he’d reply you with such a detailed explanation of his name.

... you smile at him.

“Yes it was. Thanks, Sans, I appreciate it.”

“A pleasure, 55. Have a pleasant day.”

Of course, his response was robotic but... he is a robot. And... maybe you’re anthropomorphizing him a little but it sounds like he had emotion saying it.

You come out with a little spring in your step. Guess you’ll just check the cafeteria... if Robert’s there you can just go to your crew room and wait him out there. At least you didn’t have anything to do today.

You hear the sound of Sans shuffling around the supply room, probably getting what he needed to make the maintenance before he shuts the door. You hear him stepping away from you to Section 8. You hear another door open, his metallic legs coming to a halt.

“Oh hey whoah- hey!” You hear Robert’s voice, startled, staggering back to the door. You hear Sans skitter back as well, much faster than you heard him walking earlier.

“Please step away.” His voice, suddenly much colder and robotic sounded. “Please step away.”

You turn around and see Robert grasping the toilet door (guess he hadn’t immediately went to get food), trying to make as much space as he can from Sans, while Sans was pressing himself to the other side of the corridor, his eyes... much sharper than you saw them before. They looked almost.. hostile(?).

“Man I’m trying- move!”

“Please be at least 1.5 meters, or 4 feet away. Please be at least 1.5 meters, or 4 feet away.”

Everything becomes static again as you focus on what Sans is saying.

Please be at least 1.5 meters, or 4 feet away.

"This is a safety precaution. Please step away.”

...

You were much, much closer to Sans when he had you trapped in the supply room.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 113

Sooo.... I completely did not realize my queue dumped itself again, or that this chapter didn’t post when it should have. So I’m sorry for the slightly-delayed update!

Thanks to @baelpenrose​ for their beta-reading, as always.  This chapter loops back to something that came up previously and I hate loose ends dangling around everywhere. Content warnings for anger issues, trauma, and poor coping mechanisms.

“Dude, I’m making soup,” I jokingly scolded Maverick as I took the bowl of pumpkin seeds away from him.  After the camping trip, I had made the brilliant decision to roast the seeds we had harvested. All of them. Ten pounds of them, it turned out.  How he wasn’t sick of eating them, I had no idea.

 With a pout, he made grabby-hands at the bowl. “What kind?”

 “Potato,” I informed him as I pivoted away and carried the bowl back to the kitchen and put the lid on it.

It didn’t take long for him to join me and start requesting potatoes from the food console.  Even though they were freshly-generated and already clean, he started washing them anyway.  I was pretty sure the action ranked up there with utensils being in exactly-the-right place, because he always washed the vegetables that he got from the console.  It didn’t hurt anything, though, so we generally just let him do it.

About an hour later, we were sitting at the table with two bowls of velvety, off-white soup - his topped with sour cream, bacon, and cheese, mine just topped with scallions - and dug in.  Conor was on Beta-shift at work currently, so we made sure to put the lid on the rest to keep it warm.  Even though the temperature on the Ark never changed beyond a ten-degree variance, the camping trip had triggered something in me that said “Autumn”, and soup was exactly what I needed right then.

I had just finished my first bowl, and Maverick was halfway through his second - with somehow even more bacon - when the door opened and Conor stalked in.  Everything in his body language screamed that he was angry about something, and I subconsciously held my breath.  Glancing at Maverick, I saw him arch an eyebrow at me before turning to our clearly-upset partner.

“Everything okay?” he ventured slowly.

“Work. Huynh,” he grunted, shoving a hand through his hair as he started pacing into the kitchen, past the table, into the living room, and back.  “Stupid pre-fab structures. We don’t… Stupid!” Grasping for words, he only seemed to get more and more frustrated.  On his next trip into the kitchen, he grabbed a bowl and  thought he was going to try to eat, but instead I saw him start to raise the bowl higher.

Maverick stood, rushed over, and snatched the bowl from him. “We talked about this. If you throw that, you’ll give Sophia the panic attack she is trying not to have right now. I told you before, if you give her a panic attack again, I would knock you out. Please don’t make me keep my word.” Rather than angry, he sounded distressed and sad. “What are you supposed to do when you get frustrated like this?”

“Run,” Conor grunted, rubbing his face briskly before gesturing at his sweat-stained coveralls. “And I did. For miles and miles. It didn’t help. And I’m supposed to try to talk about what I’m angry about, but that’s even more frustrating, because I… I can’t explain it fast enough.”

Nodding, Maverick ladled soup into the bowl before gently pushing Conor to the table and setting the now-full bowl in front of him.  Without even realizing what he was doing, Conor started tearing a roll in half and dipping it in the soup - he ate every soup like that, and it was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. But it meant he was calming down, apparently, because he couldn’t rant and eat at the same time, and the man had priorities.

“I’m frustrated, because Huynh wants us to start prototypes for the pre-fabs that we will be using on Von,” he confessed, angrily dunking another chunk of bread and shoving it in his mouth. “I still think it’s too early.  I talked to Noah, and the last information they have about the planet is a decade old.  We aren’t close enough to drop out of whatever FTL we are using and get fresh scans, and we can’t get communications while we’re travelling, apparently, because… FTL.”

I nodded tentatively, encouraging him to go on, and started putting butter on a roll to keep myself calm.  So far, he wasn’t nearly as angry as it usually took for him to start throwing things, and he hadn’t had an episode in a while, so…. So far, so good.

He saw my nod and kept going. “I just think he’s putting the cart before the horse. We shouldn’t be constructing things based on old data, and major climate change can happen over ten years.” We’d found that out the hard way, unfortunately.

“What does Charly think?” Maverick asked.

“She’s on Gamma shift this week, so I didn’t get a chance to ask her,” he confessed sullenly.  At this point, he was out of soup and still trying to stab a piece of bread through the bottom of his bowl, so Maverick gently took it away and refilled it. “Thanks, love. So, I couldn’t ask Charly her suggestion, Huynh won’t listen, and I just… I feel like I’m barking in the wind.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I tried to do everything I was supposed to do.”

“I don’t think it’s working.” Maverick’s statement wasn’t said unkindly, and Conor shrugged and nodded in response. “What else have you and your therapist discussed?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow,” he answered, rather than answering the question.

“Then you need to talk to them about another way to vent your frustration,” Maverick insisted. “And where these anger issues are coming from.”

Conor mumbled something, prompting us to lean forward to better hear him.  When I made a gesture to repeat himself, he sighed. “We’ve talked about that, and I think I know where it’s coming from, it’s just…. It’s embarrassing.”

“It can’t be any more embarrassing than anything you know about either of us,” Maverick tried to point out, prompting me to scowl at him. “Hey! I literally slept through the end of the world.”

That got a chuckle out of Conor, but he got serious again quickly. “The anger…” he started, clearly reluctant. “So, I was an orphan. Parents died when I was - four? Five?” We nodded - this wasn’t new information so far. They’d died in an accident, and neither had any family. He’d mentioned siblings, but they were his foster siblings throughout the years. “I got bounced around the foster system a bit as a kid, but I think I got lucky.  None of my foster families were bad, necessarily, but I think that made it worse when I got moved from home to home.  Every time I started to let myself get close and open up…. I would get taken and moved to another family for one reason or another.  This family moved, that couple got too old to keep fostering kids, one of my foster mom’s got cancer and her wife couldn’t take care of me and Mum at the same time.  No one’s fault but… I felt so betrayed. So I… I started getting angry and pushing people away, making sure that I wouldn’t get close to them just to lose them again.” That word, betrayed, tickled something in my mind.  It was too familiar. “I got moved from family to family even more after that, but it hurt less, right? Because I wasn’t getting attached, and I was being moved because of anger issues. Because of something I did.”

“So… you’re pushing us away?” I asked, not even trying to hide my hurt feelings.

“I’m getting there, swear.” His response was very firm before he picked up where he left off. “Eventually, I turned eighteen, I was on my own, and now I really felt like I had control over my life.  I started an engineering program, I saw a therapist, and a lot of that anger went away.”

“That’s where the You we normally see came out?” Maverick asked, direct as always.

“Yeah. I was happier, calmer… I wasn’t a scared little boy anymore. I felt more stable.”

“And then…?”

“And then the world went tits up,” Conor laughed sadly. “I didn’t have much control over which people were in my life and which weren’t, but it was the After, right? I did manage to find a group who were pretty peaceful, and I stuck it out there.  Then I woke up here, and I could be happy again. I tried to be the version of myself that I liked, instead of that angry little boy.”

That was when it clicked. Betrayed. “Then Arantxa…”

“Yeah, then Arantxa,” he confirmed quietly.  “And you almost died.”

Tyche’s words from the day she busted my lip came back to me. For three weeks, I had to watch you try to figure out if you were going to live or die! Conor had to watch you… “Three times,” I whispered without realizing it.

“Twice,” Conor corrected, not realizing I was talking about what Tyche had said. “Once after you were attacked, and once when we were trying to figure out what was going on with Else.” Huffing, he shoved his now-empty bowl toward Maverick. “Please take that, I’m getting angry again.”

“Thanks for recognizing that,” Maverick nodded. “But I don’t think you’re mad. I think you just feel out of control again thinking about it.”

“That’s what my therapist says,” he admitted. “But inside, it feels like anger. And after Arantxa, when I started feeling that kind of angry, I… I felt like that scared little boy again. I didn’t realize I was doing it, until I started talking to Josh, but they think I subconsciously started pushing you away more every time something would happen.” He took a deep breath to compose himself. “To… I don’t know, make you show me who you ‘really’ are, to make you leave me before you can decide to leave, or before you actually die one time.”

“So, this is about me,” I ventured slowly. “Not Maverick at all.”

“I don’t mean it’s your fault,” Conor objected quickly. “None of this is your fault, that I react the wrong way when I feel like I need more control over situations.”

It started dawning on me what he was talking about. “PTSD.  You’re talking about PTSD. Not just the kind we all have from the After, but… from moving around so much when you were growing up. From not having a secure situation.”  

My mind started racing, connecting the dots.  Before moving in with me, neither Maverick nor Conor had what would have been considered ‘proper’ quarters - both had essentially chosen personal quarters barely big enough for a bed.  Maverick had admitted early on when we were still only friends, that he had chosen his because he never really had anything and spent his entire life after his dad died wandering from place to place, never really belonging. So he had a habit of being ready to pick up and go at a moment’s notice, and tried to take up as little space as possible in the process.  It was no secret - he did it deliberately and had no shame regarding the situation.  

It had never occurred to me that Conor did the same thing without realizing it.

Maverick shook his head.  I thought he was negating what I had said, but then he sighed. “We’re a mess, you know that?” Leaning back, he stretched and put his hands behind his head. “I think we should have a therapy session or four, together, about all this.”

Both Conor and I turned slowly to stare at him, wide-eyed. “When did you start being the sensible one?”

He pointed a finger at me. “You run headfirst into every dangerous situation you can find.” The finger flicked to point at Conor. “And you are convinced you’re an idiot, which is the only idiotic thing I’ve actually heard you say.”  Smugly, he put his hands back behind his head and smiled. “I’ve always been the sensible one.”

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[365days365movies]

May 6, 2021: The Martian (2015) (Recap: Part One)

We’re leaving lo-fi sci-fi, people. Kind of.

I mentioned before that films like Her are what I define as “lo-fi sci-fi”, which is a category that I’ve kind of made up. Basically, it’s the science fiction version of low fantasy, meaning it contains science fiction themes contained within an otherwise contemporary setting. In the case of Her, Joaquin Phoenix’s character, along with many others, live in a world and setting basically like ours, but with technology advanced enough to generate AIs (like Siri) that are intelligent enough to actually ascend our reality. Because we live in a society.

You give me Joaquin Phoenix, I’m gonna make a Joker reference; it’s in the contract of my existence. Anyway, that is admittedly kind of broad, right? I mean, that has the capability of crossing over with a BUNCH of sci-fi genres and themes. And, considering that we’ve already seen magic, speculative technology, time travel, monsters, and artificial intelligence, we’ve already touched on quite a bit.

And with science fiction, the sky’s the limit. Literally. So, I think it behooves us to re-examine lo-fi sci-fi a little bit. Specifically, we should note that it can also be defined as an extension of currently existing technologies and possibilities. Writers would call this “speculative sci-fi”, assuming in this case that it’s set within the present or a near and attainable future. Her definitely fits in this category, as does Westworld. But, let’s crossover to another genre by speculating upon another possibility. And it begins with this man. Probably.

Hey, Elon, what’s up? Now, Mr. Musk here is a...controversial figure, for COMPLETELY understandable reasons. Instead of touch upon the man himself, I feel like touching upon one of his recent focuses: space travel. With SpaceX and the various upcoming space trips and journeys that they’re planning, Musk has made it clear that he plans to shoot to the Moon. Again, literally.

In fact, this full plan is to go even further than that, and to fuel potential commercial space flights in the future, which is admittedly very cool. And of course, if you’re going to shoot for the Moon...

Guys...guys, that’s Mars. THAT’S FUCKING MARS

Is that not amazing? We have sound and pictures from FUCKING MARS! THAT’S A DIFFERENT PLANET, GODDAMN IT! It’s cooler than I have the ability to properly express, but it IS goddamn cool. And this means that, easily within my lifetime, we could (and likely will) land on Mars. Which is amazing. God, I really want to see that happen.

And so, landing on Mars is BARELY science fiction, but since we haven’t yet done so...yeah, it’s fictional at the moment. And so, any film about landing on Mars falls within this category. Well...to an extent.

2000′s Mission to Mars, for example, was a Disney-funded film (to my IMMENSE surprise; and it’s based off of an old Disney World ride, WHAT), and a movie that I saw a LOT when I was a kid. I also barely remember it, to be honest. But that film is straight-up science fiction because of, well...aliens. The idea of Martians is, as far as we know it, fictional. And most fiction involving Mars includes these aliens somehow. Whether it’s DC Comics’ entire civilization of Martians, as seen in Justice League, Supergirl, or Young Justice...

...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s heavily mythologized civilization, as seen in the Barsoom series of novels (and another Disney film)...

...Or one of the best Looney Tunes characters.

Mmm. Yes. Isn’t that lovely?

But, yeah, Mars and aliens go hand-in-hand in our media. So, to properly look at lo-fi science and speculative science fiction in relation to the Red Planet, we’ll need a movie that goes to the planet, and doesn’t touch upon the concept of aliens AT ALL.

Enter...Ridley Scott?

Yeah, the director of Legend, Alien, Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner, Gladiator. Also the director of Kingdom of Heaven, Prometheus, Exodus: Gods and Kings, and...ugh, 1492: Conquest of Paradise. I’ve talked about his mixed record before, in my Recap of Legend right here.

In 2014, he was brought on to adapt a book by Andy Weir called The Martian, which is a great book! I’ve listened to the audio book, and I whole-heartedly recommend doing that. And because of that, I am VERY MUCH looking forward to watching this film, especially seeing as it’s often called one of the best science fiction films made during that year, and was critically acclaimed then and now. It got seven Oscar nominations (although it won none of them), amongst other awards. So, enough navel-gazing, huh? The Martian!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

On Acidalia Plantitia, at the landing site of the Ares III mission, a group of scientists are gathering samples. These scientists are commander and geologist Melissa Lewis (Jessica Chastain), pilot Rick Martinez (Michael Pena), systems operator Beth Johanssen (Kate Mara), surgeon Chris Beck (Sebastian Stan), German chemist Alex Vogel (Aksel Hennie), and overly talkative botanist Mark Watney (Matt Damon). 

The group seems to have a good dynamic, but that dynamic is interrupted by a massive dust storm, which is large enough to cause the entire crew to evacuate. However, in the chaos of the dust storm, Mark is hit by debris and lost in the shuffle. Although Lewis goes back to find him, she can’t get to him before they need to leave, and Mark is believed dead. This is reported (pretty callously) by NASA Director Teddy Sanders (Jeff Daniels) to the press soon afterwards.

But of course, that wouldn’t be much of a movie, now would it? Mark’s alive! And Mark’s alone. With his suit damaged, and low on oxygen, he trudges back to headquarters, which is intact and still contains breathable oxygen. He gets inside, and realizes that he’s been stabbed in the abdomen by some debris. He removes it, and stitches up his own wound. Which is...god, it’s fucking BRUTAL just to think about, nevertheless watch.

Once he’s finished, he records a log for the future, if he doesn’t make it. It’s day 19 of the 31-day mission at this point, and Mark’s basically screwed. He needs lasting oxygen, water, and food, and he might need that for 4 years, when the next manned mission can come to the red planet. Additionally, he has absolutely no way to contact NASA, leaving him completely stranded. Another dust storm rolls in that night, and Mark looks over the belongings of his colleagues, packing them up for their eventual return. It’s somber, to say the least. However, Mark affirms that he’s determined not to die on the planet.

After doing the math, Mark should have enough food to last him for about 300 days, especially if he rations it. Until then, he’ll need to figure out how to grow his own food, on a planet where nothing grows. Which is, of course, going to be a difficult feat to accomplish. But Mark Watney’s a botanist with botany powers, and he’s gonna do it.

It’s day 31, and Mark’s brought in dirt from the outside, and uses the bio-waste from the crew’s stay there for a form of compost. After 5 days, mostly full of him watching Happy Days on TV and trying to farm, he realizes that he needs water, both for himself and for the soil. To do that, he goes chemical and decides to use hydrogen-laden rocket fuel, wood from Martinez’s belongings, and good old-fashioned fire to make water! And since hydrogen + oxygen = water, it should work. With a minor side-effect.

So, yeah, he blew himself up. As as he records a video log, the sound mixing makes itself impressively known by subtly and realistically generating a tinnitus sound. It’s VERY well-done, holy shit. Anyway, he makes a stable fire, and the place is soon covered in condensation, moistening the room and the soil successfully.

We get to day 54, and Mark’s planted leftover potatoes from the crew in order to grow them. And while he’s being mourned at a funeral on Earth, and in NASA, he’s seeing the fruits (or shoots) of his efforts.

Back on Earth, Mars Mission Director Vincent Kapoor (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is trying to convince Director Teddy to let him lobby for another Ares mission, despite the risk of bad press for the callousness of the proximity to Watney’s death. Meanwhile, satellite technician Mindy Park (Mackenzie Davis) looks down at the Ares III site, and realizes that the site has changed visually, meaning that Mark may actually be alive.

Shocked by this, she tells Kapoor, Teddy, and media director Annie Montrose (Kristen Wiig) about this, and they realize the absolute clusterfuck that this whole thing is. They can’t tell the other members of the Ares III crew about it, because it’d devastate them for the 10 months they have to get back to Earth, at the VERY least. They can’t tell the WORLD about this, because they just had a funeral for the guy, and they’d reveal that they left him stranded on Mars accidentally, destroying faith in the Mars Missions Program. And they can’t save Mark, who they’re sure will starve eventually. It’s a mess. And Kapoor also wonders what’s happening to Mark psychologically through all of this.

And yet, they reveal this to the world regardless, causing the clusterfuck reaction that they think it’s going to cause. But Mark’s busy on Mars, figuring out how to get to the site of the next Ares IV mission in 4 years, at the Schiaparelli crater about 50 days travel away. This is a struggle, as his Rover has only so much power and fuel, and he can only get more power by cutting out the heater is risking death by freezing. So, problems. However, he figures out a potential solution: radioactive isotopes! In a move that is, let’s face it, COMPLETELY INSANE, he digs up a radioactive generator from the ship in order to heat the ship.

On Earth, they try to figure out Mark’s moves, as well as how to resupply Ares IV sooner for Mark’s benefit. This is with the director of JPL, Bruce Ng (Benedict Wong), and the flight director of the ship Hermes, Mitch Henderson (Sean Bean), who insists that they tell the Ares II crew. They continue to monitor Mark, and note that he’s been travelling for 17 days in his Rover towards something. Kapoor figures it out, and flies to California.

See, Mark needs a way to contact NASA, and he believes that the way to do so is through Pathfinder, the first probe ever sent to Mars in 1997, lasting for 9 months since landing until they lost contact. Mark digs it up, and the people at JPL in California start their own efforts for contact. And despite communication being extremely rudimentary, initially limited to yes/no questions that use a still-frame camera, it fucking WORKS! WHOO!

To boost this communication hurdle, the two camps figure out a hexadecimal system for communication, allowing them to communicate using a circular table of numbers that represent an alphabet. That allows them to teach Mark to hack into the Rover, allowing it to piggyback off of its broadcast signal and send them messages via keyboard. Nice! Now that communication is reasonably possible, Mark’s able to ask how the crew is handling his death. But upon learning that they haven’t told him. He’s understandably a little goddamn enraged. And so, they FINALLY tell the Ares III crew about this.

The news breaks the crew, even though Mark continues to stress that he’s all right, and that it wasn’t their fault. Meanwhile, Mark’s able to survive for 912 days with his potato plants, and things improve with the help of technicians on Earth. They plan to launch a supply rocket to him in the next year, and things are looking fine! Unless, of course...something goes horribly HORRIBLY wrong.

Well...fuck. Good place to pause for Part Two, then?

[trellanyx]

your jonathan crane (who i love so very much) and numbers 1 through... oh, lets say 25 ;)

(Send me a character and a number)

Have I told you how much I love you lately, Lizard? Because I do. Oh yes I do. 😂

Word vomiting about my Jon in 3, 2, 1...

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

His work, of course. Not just the toxin, but the breadth of his knowledge, his experiments, his successes and vengeances. Jonathan is an expert in his field, and considering what he went through to get there he’s damn proud of it.

2) Who they want to please the most.

Jonathan Crane does not give a single solitary fuck about what anyone thinks of him. The only satisfaction he cares about is his own. Considering how high his standards are, that’s a big enough challenge already.

3) Who depends on them.

No one. Jon may make you think you need him if that serves his end goal, but other than that he keeps his distance. If you’re in a position where you actually depend on Jonathan Crane’s services, you’re fucked.

4) What they would do if they had one month to live.

Work feverishly to A) preserve his work and B) push it as far as it can go before his body betrays him. Jon would be pulling such long, intense hours that it’s quite possible he’d drop dead before the month was up from sheer exhaustion. If he doesn’t, then he takes his magnum opus and goes out with a hell of a bang.

5) A cherished personal belonging.

Nothing. He has things he likes more than most: a tortoiseshell watch, a spring-loaded gun, his sturdiest boots, his sharpest scythe - the whole fear gauntlet, actually, impractical as it was - but nothing he’d go as far as to say he cherishes. Everything Jon owns is expendable, and no matter how attached he might be to something, there’s nothing he wouldn’t chuck in a fire instantly if he needed to. 

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back.

“Unlimited access to test subjects wrapped in a stable paycheck. Arkham’s much more fun on the other side of the straitjacket.”

7) This character’s favorite character

I give up. It’s been days. Days that this post has sat in my drafts while I tried to think of this asshole’s favorite character, and I’ve got nothing. I’ve come up with a couple of disparate headcanons involving Jon and fiction in general, but I have no answer for this one. I offer this as a placeholder: “He doesn’t have any because he’s a contrary and insufferable bastard.”

8) What kind of car they would drive.

Dark, boring, older than sin. The gas pedal is the most abused piece of equipment in South Gotham. There’s a stain on the backseat floor that Jon says is coffee, and no one is brave enough to question him. Edward refuses to be seen dead in it. One day Jon’s gonna take that as a challenge.

9) What calms them when they are upset.

It really depends on the type of distress that it is. The basic scale is this:

Drumming his nails against things, or just tapping against the nearest flat surface if his nails aren’t long enough. (Common response to most grievances.)

Stepping outside for a smoke. He goes back inside when he either feels better or runs out of cigarettes.

Pacing inside or stalking through the streets like he’s on his way to kill somebody, taking small, petty pleasure watching people jump out of his way.

Stewing in a corner with a bottle of strong alcohol.

Actually killing somebody.

10) How they deal with pain.

Grits his teeth and bears it. The first lesson he ever learned.

11) This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.

As Scarecrow: His plague doctor mask, which replaced the traditional burlap after he stopped being able to feel fear.

As Jon: Custom winter gloves with longer fingers to accommodate his nails in the winter.

12) How they sleep.

I’ve talked about this before, actually! Here’s the quote:

Since he suffers from chronic insomnia and chronic I Have No Idea What Healthy Habits Look Like, Jonathan doesn’t go to bed very often. He’s more likely to pass out wherever he is - couch, desk, once on a morgue slab (don’t ask)… But when he does sleep in a bed, he tosses and turns a ridiculous amount. It’s not that he’s having nightmares (though with the way he moves, how could you tell), he just has a hard time getting comfortable. He’ll turn over at least 3-6 times before falling asleep, and he’ll keep shifting even after he does. It’s very common for Jonathan to fall asleep with three blankets and wake up with only one.

13) What kind of parent they would be.

*hysterical laughter* NO.

14) How they did in school.

He struggled with it a lot. Not because of a lack of intelligence or drive, but because:

Constant undernourishment and late night punishments made it difficult for Jon to stay awake in class. (His insomnia didn’t develop until he was in his early 20s.)

His homework was often late or mediocre because Jon did it after being beaten or kept busy with his grandmother’s laborious demands, if he was in a state to do it at all.

Jon’s glasses were almost never up to date. Constant squinting compounded by what Jon now knows were chronic migraines made class not only difficult to concentrate on, but physically painful.

Bullying. I don’t think I need to elaborate there.

Jon barely eked out a GPA high enough to get him into a local community college with the help of a scholarship targeted toward low-income families. Once his grandmother and bullies “helpfully” left the picture and Jon could focus on eliminating the obstacles above, he threw himself into his studies like a man possessed, and by the time he graduated, he’d secured himself entry to a post-baccalaureate program in Gotham. He used that as a stepping stone to med school and the rest is history.

15) What cologne or perfume they would use.

Jon doesn’t like either. His only indulgence in the smell department is almond-scented soap.

16) Their sexuality.

It varies depending on what version of him I’m playing, but it’s always either bi or gay.

17) What they’d sing at karaoke.

Something slow, creepy and mournful, probably not even on the set list, while he stares at you unblinking and makes you regret every decision in your life that helped force him onstage. You don’t ask for an encore.

18) Special talents they have.

Jon is double-jointed, a great whistler, sews all his costumes and is an adequate mechanic. See the “should be dead twelve times over” car he still drives. He’s also a better swimmer than people give him credit for, something that’s saved his life more than once.

19) When they feel safest.

In front of a fireplace. Jon can’t really explain it, nor does it make sense considering how much he hates heat in general. But there’s something about sitting in front of a fire that really relaxes him. (Don’t bother with the scarecrow/fire jokes, he’s heard them all.)

20) Household chore they hate the most.

Bathrooms.

21) Their fondest childhood memory.

“Killing them.”

22) How they spend their money.

Books, chemicals, caffeine, alcohol, weapons. And then living essentials. Maybe. Depends on how low he is on nicotine. (Jon’s spending habits are so predictable it became a running joke on campus, what did you expect.)

23) What kind of alcohol they drink.

He’s not picky, but nothing beats a finely aged whiskey. He’s also partial to Black Russians.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves.

Useful as it can be, Jon regrets the loss of his ability to feel fear. He also wishes he didn’t get migraines so often. Nothing on the personality front, though: Jon knows what he is.

25) What other people wish they could change about them.

Oh honey, there’s not enough hours in the day to list all that.

[stark-raving-madd]

Backstory of The Seventh Day

(Just a warning, this paracosm is gonna be lowkey fucked up and dark but I do not condone any of the negative behavior within it!)

So, the idea is that, basically, the governments of the world foresaw that a nuclear war would happen. So they created a project that would be basically a means to recreate humanity. Genesis (the main protag) doesn't have parents. Rather, she was a genetically engineered, frozen embryo, meant to be as far away genetically from a human as she could be while still being sexually compatible and biologically stable. There used to be more like her. As well as a male version- an 'Adam' to her 'Eve'- that, theoretically, could produce a human of any possible genetic combination were they to have a child.

Essentially, a single 'Adam' and 'Eve' could, theoretically, produce children genetically dissimilar enough that they could breed without genetic defects, meaning that if even just one Adam and Eve survived, humanity could restart.

Basically, the idea is that the embryos would be unfrozen and mature automatically once the radiation settled down enough for humans to survive, and then the Adams and Eves would be released into the world to repopulate as best they could. Afterwards, they would (hopefully- they weren't at the point where they could genetically program orders into them) return to the place of their birth, where they would then be educated on everything required. The first thing it would show them is how to make fire, then how to farm, then how to forge and work metal, etc.

The issue is that only three of what were planned to be several dozen bunkers were constructed by the apocalypse.

They all had probably eight embryos of each gender, but the issue is that the builders had no idea how many nuclear weapons would be fired before there was no one to fire them, so they had a range to work with. In terms of when the radiation would settle, I mean.

So Genesis is a part of the last set of two embryos- all the others were released too early, and succumbed to radiation.

There's no telling what happened to the other bunkers, but based on documents the leader of the caravan has, it's probable they were both annihilated during the apocalypse.

When Genesis was released from the wild, she succumbed to her animal instincts, due to not being raised by anyone and having to fend for herself for years. She doesn’t have very good abstract thought, critical thinking, or any executive function. She excels at reading facial expressions, reading emotions, survival instincts, remembering scents, landmarks, and really anything survival related. She never learned how to speak, so she mainly communicates with sounds,

Genesis' was the last one, and she and her Adam the last set of two embryos. And something *still* went even *more* wrong.

Because her Adam was released early.

Adam was eventually found at the Haven, which relieved the scientists there, as well as the leader of the Haven, Elijah, but there was a problem.

Adam is infertile.

I'd think he also has an underdeveloped limb or two, but the most important part is that he's incapable of reproducing- the necessary parts just never fully formed in the first place.

The leader of the caravan found Adam, realized what he was, and took him in. Even though Adam was useless to him in that respect, it still allowed him to locate the rough position of the bunker- or so he thought.

And so the caravan has waited, from the time they found Adam to the time they found Genesis- or, rather, when she found them.

You see, they were off on the location by no more than about ten kilometers- the same ten-kilometer radius that was all Genesis knew before she found them.

She survived without them for 14 years, just outside of the area they were patrolling.

And when the leader finally finds the Eve his father's father essentially wrote the genetic code for by hand, he renames her Genesis- because an Eve without an Adam cannot be called an Eve.

The story mainly focuses on Elijah and the rest of the Haven finding Genesis, and doing experiments on her to find out how she survived out in the wilderness for so long, despite the radiation.

But the thing is, that’s not the true purpose of the experiments.

See, Elijah kinda has a weird God Complex. He believes that he meant to be the savior of humanity because that’s what he was groomed to be, by his father, Cain. This complex makes him go to extreme and unethical lengths to reach this goal. The true purpose of the experiments isn’t to see how Genesis survived out in the wilderness and radiation. It’s to use her as a breeding factory, essentially. But the only people who know this are Elijah, Adam (who isn’t even okay with it but can’t do anything about it) and a handful of other scientists. The other scientists outside of that small group have no idea what the true purpose is, and the only reason why they don’t question Elijah is because everyone in the Haven basically views him as a father because they don’t know his true nature. No one else in the Haven questions it either because they also view him as a father figure. Genesis doesn’t question it because she doesn’t even have the mental capacity to.

The story’s struggle is mainly these two things;

One, Genesis' struggle to understand what's happening to her, despite the fact that she has no context.

Two, the rest of the cast trying to find out the truth about Genesis and, later, struggling with their own morality on the subject.

[cattivvo]

Data Log 03: [ Combat ]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀This headcanon took a lot of research for fluidity and clarity's sake! Things can and will be modified with more discussion and calculation but I’ll give the general thoughts and beliefs of my ideas! Now if Il Dottore was a playable boss or character there would be two predictions of unlikely and he would be heavily melee/physical based.

He would be the first physical catalyst user in Tevyat and the game developed which is pretty unlikely but let's not be pessimistic! Dottore shows a clear distaste for visions and finds the vision users self-inflated — the reason why will be another head-canon coming soon~! But there are delusions that he possibly helps create with the fatui? Yes, but I believe that he doesn't use the delusion that much because obviously, it's very unstable and harms the user after excessive use and it just redundant to hate visions and use something that mimics a vision.

In canon, his pin-like metal devices can shoot projectiles and shine bright blue light at their tips. He can also have the capability to manipulate with necromancy by changing already dead people into monsters like for example his old underling Krupp in the manga. He skilled in technology and necromancy causing him to have some magic to him just not the same level as you know Alice or Lisa. Taught magic from possibly from the personal research or academy.

Now back to the topic of those objects, he would have an advanced level of technology manipulation to even have those objects produce even little shine of light. I believe that he is making controlled elemental powers with more help with science than the “divine power of the gods” more stable than the real elemental surges that vision users get. The blue light can be a form of electric manipulation with technology than power; most users can flow of intricate machinery, and assemble or disengage their programming at will, and operated most technology distance.

This version is simply controlling electrons and instruct them which items engage or disengage and may be able to use the electric impulse to gently control small metal parts. So humoring that concept gives rise to the belief in controlled elemental bursts with chemical science. Instead of the purple lightning, it's bluer because of gases and drops of electrons in laymen. His element is mostly metal that isn't fully exposed yet but part of the Chinese elements and element wheel!

Now the actual fun part~! Combat mechanism with this catalyst user! Using an excellent example and base for Dottore is Add from Elsword. Dottore’s possible inspiration but who knows— anyways Add is an intelligent mechanic that manipulates old Nasod technology from the now-dead race when the boy was trapped in the ancient library. Both characters have resemblances but different maturity levels because Dottore is a full-grown adult while Add is in his teenage years.

Add uses his dynamo technology to aid him in battle and give him an array of abilities and skills in combat. Electrokinesis being one of the two prominent skills; manipulation with electricity through the use of his dynamo. He uses this power to fire off rays of electricity for long-distance attacks and close range as well.

The main skill is technology manipulation; Add’s ability to control his dynamos is more prominent to the point of mentally controlling them. This makes his melee attacks more powerful and even induces powerful explosions and laser blasts.

If we use these skills on Dottore, it would be a seamless match. Instead of mental control like Add, it's more a magnetic force keeping them controlled and at bay. It would make sense with the gold bands on his legs in his outfit and he would have the most advanced technology in Tevyat.

His ultimate can be summoning Krupp or any unfortunate soul he turned into a monster with his necromancy. His physical attack would be like add with shooting beams and projectiles or even his own strength.

Dottore has a sharp form adding that he is an inverted triangle type; inverted triangles have defined and athletic arms and legs therefore he would have a decent amount of physical strength. Just because he stays secluded doesn't suggest that this man is weaker than an old woman. He needs to logically have some strength to hold back monsters he creates, experiments that go awol, withstand scientific mishaps, etc so he can have decent combat skills just not the same level as Childe or an actual soldier. 

[mermadrid96]

At 23 I had every reason to feel invincible. I walked out of post secondary already two years in my career field and paid off my debt. I had to keep moving. Get the apartment alone and continue on what I wanted to be my long journey of being someone worth remembering.

I don’t have any extreme addiction issues. Other than pot..that doesn’t count right? It probably does.

I just hold a deep sadness and obsession with suicidal ideation. The first time I tried to kill myself I was nine. I remember resisting the urge to jump in front of the subway long before that, probably 3 or 4 standing with my grandma going to church.

Like most, mental illness runs on both sides of my family. It’s true that you feel a sense of ease about letting yourself be ill when it’s already hereditary.

Distraction is the best way to manage most of my issues. Friends, movies, family. Working. I try to exercise and I’m sure doing that would help a lot more, but my main passion is sleep. Sleep is the closest to death us cowards of suicide can get. I dream a lot more now that I’ve been able to shake the constant weed smoking. I barely remember them and their usually shitty modifications of what’s happening in my world. But I’d take it over exhausted rest anyway.

When I got to Kingston in sept 2019 I was already sceptical. But it was easy to distract that away, new school new job new city to explore and a way to reinvent the version of myself I spent 23 years hating. Obviously, for someone so naturally fucking lazy and obsessed with the idea of being a tragedy headline, it didn’t work out. I went out and met people as usually encouraged by my friends back home. I got a job because I could not come off a lazy (I lasted one whole training shift before my sister let take the cop out I was giving myself) and I did my homework.

I’m not sure why I was so insistent on proving I could do this, when I already knew I couldn’t. Somehow, between touring the school and moving in six months later, I told myself every step of the way it was too late to look back. You’d be letting everyone down when you’ve finally earned a decent family title back.

It’s funny that sitting here at 25, almost finished with the youth therapy I transitioned to, I feel the same type of way.

I’ve gotten every therapist I’ve met with to beam with pride during sessions, something that is obviously more than necessary for me, I’ve been given the “stable label” by each psychiatrist, graduated each group therapy, and regained the family perspective of “she’s doing great now, actually.”

Falling back into needing more help than I did before isn’t an option. Letting small things like a credit card compromise, the death of a family pet or being in the middle of a domestic wasn’t an excuse to let your mental state become as fragile as it was.

The skills are on the papers, the binder is Color coded and you have the self help numbers now. You’re cured and everyone can get onboard with that. No one wants to get onboard with the heartache of watching a family member be shitty again. Or A friend that barely answers and is more selfish than the completely selfless person they chose to stay friends with through a hard time.

I do find a lot of what I’ve done will save me. But mostly, I know killing myself would save me. So where has any of this gotten me? Just in more debt than I ever was at the beginning, and three years behind my timeline, might as well just give in and let myself come to peace.

I’ve read more stories about established people who have gone through the same thoughts-with much worse circumstances- and their endings, while positive, aren’t what I see as happy. I mean- they didn’t kill themselves? And their not on an island alone with zero responsibilities or people to disappoint- so who cares? None these articles have left me satisfied. Just with a sense of reality; life isn’t great. And if you can’t handle your own shit well; you’ll probably have to go through it sober too.

A lot of my false worlds pictures me back in high school- being able to reinvent everything- getting more into the arts and then a college program that would actually make me money and was nothing close to the Hunan services sector; where all bleeding hearts come to die poor and with back problems. Enjoying things truly instead of not realizing 16 would of been the best opportunity I had to off myself. Immortalized before even living- a lazy cowards dream.

I keep hearing how much of my life o have left to figure things out, bc you know, 20s. But that’ll end in 5 years and then I’ll be asking what I’ve done to get where I want. Well I’ve napped and ignored a budget. Contemplated a lot and taken chances I didn’t want and missed ones that might of worked. Basically, always considering what if to the point where it’s wasted.

I feel full when I’m with my family, when I’m able to laugh with friends and when I’m able to think through these harder days. And, as any caring professional would say- when I’m enjoying my job. There is some truth to this being a profession and a passion. I’m proud of what I’ve done, but I can tell you I’d be just as proud of taking more vacations and a new front car bumper.

I also feel full when I can just cry uninterrupted, when I’ve accepted my plans for suicide and can let go of all conscious responsibility, when I’ve hurt myself, and whenever I don’t need to set an alarm to wake up.

[hellopopculture]

Top 10 Best Things About WWE (Part 2) Description-WWE programming can be a pain in the ass to sit through a lot of times but it’s not all bad, these are the bright spots in what this company has to offer...

6. NXT UK-A lot of people don't know this or have any sort of opinion on it because they won't even turn it on, but NXT UK is arguably the best thing that WWE produces in terms of wrestling product. It's not "sports entertainment", they stay very true to the roots of the sport. It's the only brand in the company where I feel like I'm being shown actual athletic competition as opposed to some sort of spectacle. It reminds me a lot of what the original NXT used to be JUST BEFORE the TV deal. They protect their title; they build their feuds well and actually tell layered stories and most of all they understand how a big match is supposed to FEEL.

A character like WALTER probably wouldn't work on USA's NXT. Although he is an amazing competitor, his character is very dry and low energy, and his stable Imperium has the same vibe. NXT UK's presentation of him though, shows that they understand the subtleties of his character type. You can see in how he was used during Survivor Series that among the more colorful main roster characters he doesn't really stand out, even at 6'4 and almost 300 lbs, but as a WRESTLER on a legitimate WRESTLING product in NXT UK, his character feels larger than life and like the credible champion they need.

5. Dedicated Veterans-At this point WWE has lost a lot of their dedicated veterans to AEW. Guys like Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Paul Wight, Dustin Rhodes, Christian Cage etc. felt like they could do more for the business and to help the future stars of it get over. What WWE has left is people like Triple H, William Regal, Norman Smiley, Sara Del Rey, Paul Heyman etc. that are still around getting in what ideas and contributions they can to help make the future of WWE bright.

I think Dusty Rhodes was a big reason for the success of NXT when it transitioned from being kind of a game show into what it is today. Once it became a developmental tv product, I think he was instrumental in helping a lot of today's stars find themselves. Triple H was one of the biggest advocates for the women's revolution and his influence and his understanding of modern wrestling is still part of the reason people view NXT as the best brand as opposed to Raw & SmackDown. Paul Heyman still exists as one of the few creative minds that Vince can still tap when he needs something that's going to make a difference on TV. There is a lot of trainers in the PC that the Superstars owe a lot to, and they've done a great job with getting the talent ready to be the best version of themselves.

What's more, is even on the roster itself you have Superstars at the tail end of their careers doing everything they can to help create the stars that are going to carry the torch when they retire. Nattie Neidhart has helped train a lot of the women on the roster, Randy Orton has for years been willing to play ball and put other guys over and help highlight what's so special about them. Finn Balor has proven to be a "plug & play" asset, being able to fill-in and jump into different positions when he's needed without having it feel like it was forced. He's worked NXT UK when Jordan Devlin lost his opponent to an injury, he had a classic with AJ Styles when Bray couldn't make their match because he got meningitis and currently he's been in NXT tearing it up with some of the young talent there and giving them the biggest matches of their careers.

While Vince doesn't always listen to these people and it seems like he takes their presence for granted, it's good to know they are their when they are needed and that they aren't out for self. They understand that for this company to keep moving, they are instrumental in that.

4. The Women's Revolution-Every sport has those moments where the oppressed rise to the occasion and change the paradigm. While a lot of MEN in the company were very instrumental in getting the ball rolling on the shift in the treatment of women within the company, the women did their due diligence and knocked their opportunities out of the park when they were given them. The company has come a long way since AJ Lee called Stephanie McMahon out on twitter for how women on their rosters were treated.

Today WWE still has a lot of work to do but women are reaching milestones at a rate leaps and bounds above what they could have done in the 90's. The Diva Era made it seems as though women weren't capable of being a legitimate part of why the company is successful despite the fact that Sable was a serious ratings draw, Lita & Trish had one of the greatest feuds in WWE history and Chyna transcended her status as just a female performer, and at one point was in line to become World Champion.

I don't think Raw & SmackDown would do very well at this point without their female Superstars. Some of them are not only bigger stars than most people in the company but they have better matches too.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #363

(one more that’s a late upload from way earlier in the day, and i yet again don’t feel like updating the answers)

What brings out the worst in you? When I'm very anxious or having a PTSD episode, I can become very snappy and just not a joy to be around. What all did you eat today? This morning I had oatmeal, I had a rice cake as a snack, and lunch was ham and cheese on a tortilla. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No, I was a good kid. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Who was the last person you cried in front of? It was probably Mom. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I usually talk about them somewhere, like in surveys if I feel I can't with anyone else. Please be vocal with your feelings. It is so destructive to let them build up. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? I'm unsure. Do you know anyone that is gothic? A good number of people, myself included at least in spirit. ;~; I can't really afford good attire, nor do I have the patience for so much makeup maintenance. Have you seen UP? I actually haven't seen the full movie, but I'd like to. How is your mom? Stressed as fuck and tired of everything. What color hair does your mom have? She recently dyed it black. Her hair is growing back totally gray now and she hated it. She's gotten so self-conscious as she's aged. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Idk. Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches? FUCK NO. Have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? I tried it once and did not get the appeal. Did you have school/class today? No. My school endeavors are done. Do you have any paintings in your room? If so, of what? Yeah, I have my big painting of meerkats grooming above all my 'kat plushies. Have you ever had your photo professionally taken? As a child and by school photographers, anyway. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Like a week ago when we went to Ichiban for my sister's bday. Do you know how old your house is? No, I don't. Have you ever been described as ”adorable”? Yeah. Have you ever given a lap dance? No. They seem incredibly awkward to me?? Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make mega bucks? No. I can't do a job I hate for anything. I would be so depressed. Are you a moody person? Yes. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders' new episode of Resident Evil 8: Village. I'm deadass watching four different LPers play it, I'm only moderately obsessed lmao. What video game could you waste the most time on? WoW, given it has like a zillion different things to do. Yet I still get bored lmao. What is your favorite condiment? Maybe Ketchup? I think I use that for the most things. What is the worst thing that you have ever done? I don't feel like getting into this. How old were you when your parents gave you the "birds and the bees" talk? They didn't; I learned in my school's sex ed in the 5th grade. Have you ever questioned whether or not you'd benefit from therapy? I have benefited from it. What would you like it to say on your gravestone? Hypothetically, idk. But I'd rather be cremated. Would you ever wear real leather or animal fur? NO. Have you ever completely failed a year of school and had to repeat a grade? No. Have you ever been bitten by an animal that wasn't a cat or a dog? Which? I think my old baby iguana bit me once or twice, not that it was very painful at her young age. I can't recall another animal. What type of literature are you most likely to read? (book, magazine, etc) Books. Do you prefer using candles, wax melts, or incense? Incense. Are you someone who actually doesn't have a Facebook? No, I have one. What kind(s) of Facebook groups are you active in, if any? I'm not really *active* in any; I just observe them and interact via "like"s. I'm actually in a whole lot of groups, though. Do you enjoy any herbal or fruit teas? What kinds? Neither. Do you hear any animals right now? No. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I know and like a few songs, especially "Dear God." Do you like Batman? Yeah, I like his "refuse to murder" ideology. The only thing is I kinda have a bad connection attached to him, because Batman was Jason's thing. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yes. Does your house have a fireplace? Yeah actually, but it might be fake? I don't even know lol. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Have you ever dissected a baby pig in a class at school? Oh my god, no. I literally could never. I did dissect a frog in the 7th grade that wound up to be pregnant, though... I wasn't happy about it, but at the same time it was very interesting. Who is the last baby you held? My niece. Do you like Sunkist? The orange kind is fine, but the STRAWBERRY flavor? Jfc I love that shit. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? UM NO Do you have any scars from an animal? I have a lot of scars on my hands from playing with Roman. I scar extremely easily, so just his little scrapes leave marks. Have you ever seen an Igloo? No. Do you like Korn? Love 'em. How many animals do you have? Really two, but we have three in the house right now. Idk when this dog is going away. Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Tornados. Ever rode in a helicopter? No. Do you like rabbits? Yes, they're adorable. Do you like mushrooms? NO. What was the last movie you cried at? I want to say Logan, but I'm not sure. I watch movies so rarely that I really don't know. Would you rather work for a small or large company? Small. I'd feel more useful. What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? I don't know. Have you ever read the book 13 Reasons Why? Yeah. I thought it was good, but now I don't remember like... anything about it. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had apple and cinnamon oatmeal. How many times have you read your favorite book? Just once. I don't re-read books. Have you ever been on Omegle? No. Are you still in love with one of your exes? "In love," no. Do you think being born was a mistake? Yeesh, no. Has a relative ever been arrested? My psychotic uncle (by marriage) has been. Was it a serious crime? Quite honestly, I don't remember. I just know he's an angry and dangerous motherfucker. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Doubtful. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? I ponder over the possibility of being a research simulation, kind of like a much advanced version of The Sims, but I honestly doubt it. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? Therapy and medication saved me. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Fight me about Christopher Columbus Day. He didn't discover shit. Have you taken any writing classes? How about art? I've taken a writing course in college, and I've taken loads of art classes. What’s your all-time favourite band? How about all-time fave singer? Ozzy Osbourne; Freddie Mercury. What three songs do you want played at your funeral? Why those particular songs? "Like A Woman" by Alice Cooper, "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M., and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. I just like them and find them suiting. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What is one superstition that freaks you out? Why is that? I’m not superstitious. Are either of your parents retired yet and if not, what do they do? No. Dad is a mailman, and while Mom doesn't ~officially~ work yet because she's recovering from intense cancer treatment, she very recently resumed lightly cleaning a church for a small payment. Kinda like a warmup. When did you or do you want to move out of your parents’ house? I wanna move out once I'm in a long-term, stable relationship with someone so we can live together. Me living alone is NOT a good idea. How do you like your current job, or if you’re unemployed, have you been looking for employment? I don't have a job, but when I go to my tattoo appointment, I'm going to ask them if they'd be interested in hiring someone for the front desk. I think it's def something I could do because I love the environment, there's really not that much I need to know (like where the Doritos are, dealing with exact change, answering a dozen unique questions), it's not insanely busy, and the occasional phone call would challenge my anxiety and just be a minor inconvenience to me until I got used to it. My partial hospitalization program really got me wanting to fight back against what gives me anxiety, to truly expose myself to what scares me, while not going totally overboard with it. It was encouraging to hear my therapist there thought it was a magnificent idea for me. I decided I wanted to ask while at the parlor getting work done to show serious interest (like I'm not just some random chick walking in and asking for a job), as well as let the people warm up to me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but damn am I wishing. I want it so badly. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken shots.

[weareigloo]

WHY SHOULD EVERY STARTUP THINK ABOUT WEB DEVELOPMENT?

Website development is basically the task of creating a website for either the World Wide Web or an internal network (intranet). Development usually involves creating a simple single page of plain text or perhaps with a few lines of code. The next level-up would be building an interactive website, one with interactive elements such as drop-down menus, forms, search boxes, pop-up boxes, and images. Then you get to the really complicated stuff, which involves things like Java, Flash, and other kinds of multimedia systems, as well as database and content management systems.

Every Beginning Shouldn’t be Hard with Professional Website

The importance of websites for startups and small businesses in the world today is undeniable. Online shopping has become extremely popular over the last decade, and this popularity continues to grow. According to numerous web development agencies in Dubai, millions of people turn to the internet to do their shopping, and millions more use alternative shopping websites for the convenience of having everything they need to be shipped directly to their door. Because of these changes in customer expectations, website designers must work closely with marketing professionals to ensure that the final product is both user-friendly, attractive, and appropriate for the target market. This is why website development and marketing are absolutely integral parts of every business’ web strategy.

In fact, many small businesses mistakenly believe that their budgets should only cover the coding and design aspects of their websites. While the coding and design work is essential, be prepared to spend some money on web designers. While not nearly as important as the coding, marketing and advertising elements will make or break your business.

These are some of the things every startup should consider when it comes to web development:

1. It’s Hard to Develop, But It’s Worth Your Time and Money

One of the first things you must understand about website design and programming is that the internet is not a simple system. It’s filled with millions upon millions of programs and scripts, many of which will interact with each other. For instance, when building web pages, you may be writing HTML code, but the program that produces that HTML code is also writing JavaScript code, which interacts with your photos and videos. So, you must hire a professional web development agency in Dubai that’ll provide you with HTML experts. Moreover, these experts should understand the intricacies of all the various programs and scripts that make up your website. Otherwise, you’ll experience a lot of trouble when starting up your website, and it won’t be easy to make it run smoothly.

2. Web Development with Easy-to-Use Platforms

Even though hundreds of different website development platforms are available today, two of the most popular remain WordPress and Joomla. Every web development company in Dubai will tell you that both platforms are prevalent because they’re easy to use and have built-in SEO functionality. As a result, even someone relatively new to website development can build a great website, and it’ll start earning money almost immediately. WordPress, however, has become extremely popular among small businesses because of its flexible licensing terms. While Joomla does have rigid licensing terms, it’s still much more flexible to use than WordPress, and that’s why lots of startups are switching to Joomla over WordPress to develop their websites.

3. You Can Choose a Web Development Platform According to Your iOS

There are several key differences between WordPress and Joomla. Firstly, WordPress uses a version of PHP that’s called PHP/Linux-PHP. While this sounds like almost every website developer’s favorite, it’s actually not. Joomla is written in C++ and therefore works well on both Windows and Linux computers. Thus, if you’re a Windows user, then you can definitely use Joomla.

Secondly, both Joomla and WordPress allow their users to create a “front-end” or user interface, which the end-user sees when visiting a website. In other words, these applications allow the person reading your website to interact with it. If you’re writing code, then you probably know how challenging this can be. You want to be able to interact with the data, the layout, the colors, and so forth from a client, not having to go back to add in the code. If at any point you decide you need professional help, locate the closest web development agency in Dubai and hire them to develop you an incredible website.

4. Having Stable Coding Languages is of Vital Importance

Both WordPress and Joomla are written in very stable languages. Both languages are multithreaded, meaning that multiple threads can execute code simultaneously without any crashing or error messages being displayed. This means that both programmers and developers can simultaneously work on the project without any worries whatsoever. Programmers especially prefer these languages as they’ll never have to worry about them crashing. This, along with the fact that both languages are used worldwide, makes them some of the most sought-after coding languages today.

5. Ease-of-Use Allows Beginners to Develop Incredible Websites

Both Joomla and WordPress platforms are very intuitive, and there are plenty of materials and tutorials available online, so even beginners can develop their first websites. Sometimes hiring a web development company in Dubai may seem completely unnecessary, but truth to be told, it’s always better to leave web development to professionals. Having a professional backup is of vital importance if anything goes wrong with your web development project. For inexperienced people, web development may seem overwhelming. That’s why hiring some of the best web development companies in Dubai is a great idea as they offer various services to startups and small businesses. We at Igloo marketing agency can help you develop a website from your dreams without any hassle whatsoever, so make sure to contact us whenever you need our help.

Wrapping Up

Even though it’s quite straightforward to build your own website from scratch, there’s plenty of things you’d have to learn to complete this project successfully. Besides, building a website isn’t the only thing a startup needs, as marketing is vital for success as well. So, if you don’t want to waste months of your time and energy, make sure to hire professional help and let us do the work for you.

https://www.weareigloo.com/why-should-every-start-up-think-about-web-development/