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muffindaddystyles · 3 years ago

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Summary: Y/N's feeling icky about her body, but Harry loves her to bits and pieces, through thick and thin, in health and sick — and he always waits for her to come back to him.

TW: Body dysmorphia.

Y/N's healthy.

All she sucks in is having a sane sleeping schedule due to her UNI otherwise she eats natural goodies, cook and bake home because it comforts her more that way and she works out every evening to stay fit.

Sometimes though, she’s lazy and lacks behind which’s proper humane but deep down it effects her and her mental health more than she admits and she isn’t able to start over again – it mostly happens after her periods.

Harry loves her the way she’s.

Even if she’s clumsy, bumbling, procrastinating, overly enthusiastic to mend her life at 3 am, snotty and sloth-y in her periods, confident and positive around people, kind and loving whenever she comes to meet him, whiny and cuddly when she’s sick, jealous and grumpy with his attention not on her —- he loves her in every way possible, to rivers and to sea his love could never stutter for her ever.

He loves how she’s not overly toned, having soft squishy spots which Harry undeniably wants to admire and kiss shamelessly amount of times -- like -- her plummy pretty thighs that Harry likes to nestle his head in-between making her wriggle and squirm under his grasp, her overly cute tummy that Harry dies to pepper sweet adoring kisses and petal his lips round her belly button, everytime they’re cuddled up his bicep’s always looped her around her tummy to feel it rising up and down in calm rhythm, and oh! her tender titties, they’re actually his favourite babies and he loves to fondle them in his big calloused palms brushing his thumb over the sensitive perky nub and basks in the glittery whimpery mewls of hers.

He loves that she’s curvy and gives zero fucks if she’s skinny or not.

He thinks his baby’s perfect.

So perfect he actually feels the bubbling of devotion and affection filling to the brim of his heart’s chambers and leaking out and upon his ribs tickling him.

Y/N's his person and he worships her with his whole heart.

From some days though, she’s feeling devastatingly insecure about all her things Harry’s in love with and she has no-control over it how much she tries.

Harry’s observing that all with optimism (one of his great quality's that like a lion sly about his prey, he keeps an eye on everything but pretends otherwise). He has his intense gaze fixed on her when she’s taking a look of herself in the mirror for rather too long, running her hands down her body and practically shuddering.

He glances from over his laptop and drops everything he's doing watching her go monkies, sweating buckets and over exercising than her usual time.

He brings her closer and infront of him, pressing her to his chest and coiling his forearm around her shoulders whining a, “Baby..!” when they were brushing their teeth and despite of standing beside him and teasing him occasionally like she usually does she stuffs her face into the crest of his back and hides herself there to have minimal contact with her reflection in the mirror.

Her body dysmorphia spiking dangerously high.

“Deprived me of your cuddles. woke me up so early, granny.” She huffs lying through her teeth and how much his embrace was strong enough to keep her in place she still managed to wiggle out taking her previous cosy position, but he could feel her muscles tensing and an awkward silence falling over them.

He didn’t pry much. He wants to give her as much space as she requires to come back to him hale and hearty, as she always does and whatever happens he never forgets to remind her how much he loves her every night.

They were watching rom-coms on Netflix back to back with her curled up into his side with a spongy white wool knitted blanket thrown over them and his cheek was smashed atop her head popping in peanuts every now and then when out of certain she spoke pointing at the actress, “You know she got her ribs removed to get that shrinky waist.” Harry frowned at that. His face itching into disbelief and concern under the bouncing glow of telly.

He affixes his gaze down at her trying to read what’s cooking up in that genius brain of her's which isn’t being very rational and genius right now, they immediately turns soft and caring when she blinks up at him purely.

She squeaks, nose crashing against his collarbones when he scooches her up in his lap grabbing onto her knees to make her straddle his torso and he grumbles cutely when she tries not put all of her weight on him and doesn’t melts into him as his sweet lovie would used to do receiving a smack on her bum on his end.

He’s afraid that an evil version of her chomped onto his dear baby alive.

“Nothing else matters if all ye’ organs are packed safely and healthily inside you,” He tells her brushing loose frays of her hair behind her earlobe and rubs his thumb in gentle strokes over her treacly pulsing point, “Was just telling you ...” She mumbles, dotting touches on his knuckles and playing with his bare cold fingers.

It’s true, she was rambling out facts about the movie and cast out of habit because no-way she’d ever go through any surgeries to change herself to become someone she isn’t.

“Swear!” She yawps out in convincing high pitch when Harry squints down at her with his lips scrunched, one eye twitching in doing so.

“Alrighty. I believe you.” He cradles her cheeks in his palms and brings her mighty close to him to peck her cupid bow, then her bottom lip and the corners of her smiling mouth to suckle generous amount of whines from her and then kisses her lovingly – hands streaming down her spine and then resting atop her dip.

He thought she was ready to come back to him, to share her problem with him and Harry really wanted to bug in, to not let her fight her battle alone and take half of her hardships from her fretting self but guess not.

They were about to have sex when panic seeped in Y/N's eyes and her cheeks blazed up in that of embarrassment as she rushed to switch off the lamps that were the only source of light in their room.

“Moppet.” Harry sighed, knowing exactly what’s happening and she isn’t as foxy in covering it up as she’s thinking herself to be.

“Why wouldn’t y'want me t'see gorgeous self of yours?” His tone punctured and hurt, feeling useless for not knowing how to cheer her up and break her worries down. He smoothens his hands behind her to lock his arm around her waist, fingertips making grape sized indents into the flesh of her hip-bone as she streaks the tip of her nose up and down the crook of his neck, murmuring meekly against his salty skin while he hugs her warmly.

“’M just feelin’ shy.” He giggles at her response puckering his lips against her hairline to pet tiny, tiny kisses there as she fists her hands against his taught chest.

“Not somethin’ I haven’t seen before, love bug.” He blows raspberries against the underside of her jaw and their mouths meet into a messy, giggling, teeth clanking kiss when she sinks into pillows allowing him to cocoon her in his heat.

“I love you, Y/N. No matter what.”

The last dam breaker for them was this little get together at Sarah and Mitch's baby shower.

She matched her outfit with Harry. Cute lavender coloured little sweater blouse that was familiar to the baggy baby yarn cardigan Harry was wearing, it accentuated her curves and her bosom so prettily -- her midriff peeking from where the buttons weren’t closed and their jeans were painted (they did it themselves one Sunday when it was extra boring and inactive).

Y/N felt uncomfortable in her own clothes. A bitterness spreading inside her for herself and all she wanted was to escape away from her own skin.

She knows she’s loved and welcomed and cherished by her friends and family and the love of her life, most importantly. Then why was she feeling so icky about herself? Why everything's draining her and exhausting her?

Harry obviously could see through the gloomy tenebrous energy overshadowing her as he stood in the corner of the room grabbing the sorbet he poured in two glasses for them.

A sour guzzle of tears choking his throat and his limbs weakening letting the painful heartbreak seep into him when he watches her being fidgety and fiddling with the loops of her jeans, tugging her blouse every passing second and he’s sniffling a hiccup deep in his lungs when she shrinks into herself in dejection staring out of the window without any purpose.

Harry feels awful to startle her when he plops down beside her, coodling her closer to himself and tucks her head beneath his chin subtly and cups his palm under her jaw to make her look in eyes his eyes.

“Hi beautiful,” His tone had a saddening waver in it and his irises mossed bleak when Y/N remains unresponsive, zoning in and out of her own head feeling herself prisoned into her own invasive thoughts.

“You w'na go home darling?” He gives her a wet smile clearing his throat and blinking the stubborn moisture in his eyes away when Y/N nodded without any vivid expression.

All the way back home he denounced himself of not making her feel loved enough, to not to pest her soon about what she’s feeling and letting her slide deeper into the dark hole.

He thinks he’s a piece of shit.

Y/N wanted to dig the earth with her own nails and hide into it and never show her face again, she was overly ashamed of herself.

His hand was holding onto hers tightly, never letting it go as he led them through the hallway and his head perked up in confusion when she stopped them abruptly and lunged to wrap herself around him like he’s the last silver of her hope and the reason to live.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry.” There comes the first sob after ages of suffering and bottling it all in, not shocked at all he was expecting it to happen. Gently he picks her up and wraps her legs around him, keeping his support firm under her bum as she cried into his soft white t-shirt.

Carefully he sits them on the edge of the bed and tries to pry her soaky flushed face in his cradle but she refuses to show him, clutching onto his cardigan and whimpering brokenly.

“I just feel so disgusting,” Her sob scratches out of her throat and for a second he thought he heard her wrong, that her feeble crying’s playing some kind of a sick game with his heart.

“Harry do something I don’t want to feel disgusting.” But, when she pleaded helplessly a cold shiver settled in his bone marrow spreading an agonising burn in his stomach.

Gently he stirs her away from his chest to look at her, meeting their foreheads together while his thumb wiped her tears away and smoothed over her wabbly lips in profound tenderness.

“My beloved,” He whispers fondling his nose against hers and her eyes flutters into realm of calms, shaky breath falling over his lips as he brings her trembling fingertips towards them and pecks them feverishly.

“The love of me life, me heart.” He continues, “Shhh. Shh baby ‘s okay to cry but don’t tire y'self.” He hushes her when she whimpers loudly at his coy affirmation.

“I’m here with you, waiting f'you, watching y’goin’ through a stony path so I could be there to hold you whenever you trip –-,” He pets her hair, cupping the back of her neck to plant his lips bitten red from worry to her puffy damp eyelids and Y/N becomes a gooey lax of candle that’s been burning for tiring amount and finally her lover came to blew the agonising flame away putting her to peace as he coos snuggling her in his cordial embrace, “You’ve been so strong to yourself and ‘m so proud of me baby.”

“I’m always here. Never away from you, always right by y'side.” His palms bending around her ribs to smush her as intimately close as possible.

“How d'ya want your huggies babylove?” He simpers down at her darlingly, huffing out in relief seeing her relaxing -- her shoulders sinking from him massaging the knots in them.

“Tight.” She mumbles timidly. The gleam in her glossy eyes returning when Harry hugs her as she wished, squishing her in right places and not suffocating her at all – their breaths in sync chests flushed against eachother.

“I love you cuddly, and care f’you.” He kisses her on lips then goes to hug her right back.

“I love you too, Har. Thank you.” She sniffs in his woodsy scent grazing her touch up and down his back, smooching a soft kiss at his cheek.

#ME WRITING AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL AND SELF DESTRUCTING PIECE #yahoooooooo yipeee #soft tender harry lives in my heart rent free #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagines #harry styles dirty one shotsssss #harry styles one direction #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #harry angst #harry styles #cute harry #dirty harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff imagine #harry smut #fluff #hsh #dom harry

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amyscascadingtabs · 3 years ago

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this is sappy but whatever. i wrote most of this before the season started (which is why i come off as reasonable and somewhat mentally stable about all of this) but felt appropriate to post it now as a thank you. ❤️

i have vivid memories from the night b99 was cancelled. the news came late evening my time, and i had been editing fic and checked twitter and there it was. loud and clear. i don’t remember which site it was but the picture was jake and amy with their wedding cake and that made everything feel even worse.

i remember freaking out even though i had been prepared, because those last days before the news hit on tumblr were... panicked. but i still freaked out to the extent that i ran outside in my pajama pants and hoodie and blue plastic slippers and called my mom, and then i walked up and down the streets where i lived in the darkness and cried in frustration as she tried to talk me down. i remember there were random guys with motorcycles out? but i was too hysterical to care. i’m pretty sure i screamed something to my mom about ”HOW CAN BIG BANG THEORY GET A BILLION SEASONS BUT THIS SHOW GETS CANCELLED????”

i know everyone who was in the fandom at the time has their cancellation story. what played the biggest part in mine was the fact that i felt like i hadn’t had enough time. really, i had only just become active in the fandom, only just started interacting with people on here and writing my first few fics, but i was absolutely loving it. it was giving me happiness again after a long period of emptiness and depressive feelings. when it was cancelled, what made me feel the worst was the fact that i’d had so little time – to make friends, write fic and react to episodes together. i felt deeply jealous of everyone who’d gotten more.

thinking about it coming to an end now has made me remember that night and those feelings of jealousy. because i did get more time. i got three more years. that night, i remember asking for just one, for a half, for anything, and i got three years.

and these three years have been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings and episodes and debates and discussions and gifsets and fanfic and asks and having this as my safe space while pretty much everything changed around me in the outside world, and i just want you all to know that i have never taken a single day of them for granted. this show could have been taken from me before i’d ever gotten the chance to grow with it and alongside it, and instead it was part of my life for three whole years.

i have a really, really good memory (four time quiz champion anyone? just me?okay <3), and i remember so much of it in such detail, and it's so weird to think about how long it's been when it also feels like yesterday.

i remember my first comment on peraltiago parenting experience, my first episode-related fic, the insane high after the renewal, staying up all night to watch the wedding live. i remember writing fanfiction on the beach while on vacation in greece, on a plane to berlin, at home on my parents balcony late late at night. i remember the honeymoon episode title being released, s6 starting filming again, the excitement over every little piece of news and finding about the cast directing. i remember labor fic and christmas fics and when i scroll back to pictures of my paris trip in january 2019 it's interspersed with a billion pictures of andy at the golden globes. i remember lighting my fairy lights in my little basement room and watching season 6 in bed at 2.30 am if it was a big episode, and watching it in the morning before fridays in high school most days. i remember writing post-ep fics during classes and on my phone on subways and trains. i remember the s7 news, and the casecation nerves and debates, and fucking kissgate. being named "the class amy santiago" by my friends when we graduated and getting a little silver paper plate to show for it. i remember the first fic exchange and inventing julian and simon santiago and i remember meeting @johnny-and-dora and eating wagamamas in manchester and talking about how simon santiago was DEFINITELY on the stairs and buying a little fake plant that i named andy plantberg (he's still in a box somewhere). i remember writing fic during slow hours in the ice cream shop i worked at. moving and putting up my framed b99 poster in my own apartment (very much still up). finding out about trying and everyone going fucking crazy. infertility fic. melissa's pregnancy news. s7 promo and standing outside my job the very first day and texting siân "AMY HAS TO PEE!!!!!???" because that was in the promo and we knew there were pregnancy tests involved in the first episode. the crazy happiness of s7 finally premiering. everyone going crazy about jake and amy deciding to start trying and how i could quote the scene verbatim the next few days. the week leading up to trying, what turned out to be the last normal week before the pandemic. the fucking MESS i was after that. the following week and ding dong and crying with happiness. being dizzy with hyperfixation joy the following day and barely feeling aware of the covid pandemic for the first few days because i was just thinking about jake and amy having a baby. getting through the first few weeks mostly because of b99. admiral peralta and finding out we were having a BOY and not even being disappointed even though the headcanon had been the opposite for years because it was perfect. the iconic b99 quizzes. lights out and mac being born. somehow managing 475 days before season 8, coping together when we got the news about the final season, watching the cast do their final day of filming. the first stream being interrupted by a storm warning and cutting out several minutes because of course. getting to see parents peraltiago and MAC and the insane speed with which those few seconds were giffed. more b99 quizzes. the vow renewal. the finale.

i remember all of it and so much more and as much as my heart is breaking, i’m trying to remind myself that i could have gotten none of this.

brooklyn nine-nine has been such an important part of my life. and it always, always will be, forever. i could have lost it all that night, and instead i got three more years. if i'd known that when i was walking the streets outside my house in the darkness in complete panic, i would have cried with happiness.

so thank you. all of you. for everything. ❤️❤️❤️ for the friendships, the joy, the asks, the debates, the fic response, EVERYTHING. whether we've shared three years or one or less, just know that i'm so grateful.

have some random pictures i found and screenshots from my private instagram (which is inactive so don't bother) from when i started this hyperfixation. jesus lmao 😭😭😭😭 i am less insane now. no i'm not. but i express it less on instagram.

#my writing #b99 #b99 finale #goodbye b99 #tagging people felt wrong you're all part of this #that's my old computer my new one also has a few but it's less hysterical

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years ago

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The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 8

Sorry if this one is a bit shorter. I didn't want to make part 7 insanely long so I just split the story in a way that made sense to me. Y/n lets Hannibal take care of the mess and narrowly avoids a mental breakdown in a CVS.

Trigger warning: blood, violence, gaslighting, ⚠️emetophobia⚠️

You stood up from your seat, your brain refusing to process what just happened.

"Oh look." You said, pointing down. "Her face landed in the glass and there's blood everywhere."

Hannibal casually glanced over the table. The ends of his mouth turned up slightly. "So there is."

The reality of the situation was just starting to set in. You took a deep breath in, expecting to scream, but nothing came out. Instead, you finished your glass of wine.

Noticing your distress, Hannibal crossed the floor and took a knee beside her. He pressed his fingers against her neck.

“She’s alive.” He assured you. “For now.”

You didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed, and the indecision made you panic even more. “So what do we do now? What do I do now?”

“Well,” Hannibal stood up. “She’s pretty severely concussed and losing a lot of blood. We could call an ambulance. With proper medical care and immediate action, she’ll probably live.”

You froze in your spot and stared blankly off into the distance. You didn’t feel overly compelled to call for help. You were too overwhelmed with emotion to move much, anyway. You felt your soul leaving your body.

“...But I take it by your inaction,” Hannibal piped up. “That you’re open to an alternate plan?”

“Huh?” You snapped out of your trance.

Hannibal closed the space between you. He cupped your face in his hand, his thumb running comfortingly along your cheek. “Do you trust me?”

You didn’t fully know what you were agreeing to, but you didn’t care. “Of course I do.”

“Then listen to me very carefully, [Y/N].” Hannibal’s voice hardened with severity. “Go upstairs and change back into your day clothes. Then, I want you to drive to the pharmacy and withdraw some cash from the ATM. Then stay in the store until I call you, understood?”

You nodded.

“Go now.” He ordered, pulling away from you.

You sprinted up the stairs, tore off your gown and pulled the nearest pair of pants over your legs in one fluid motion. You grabbed a shirt and a hoodie hanging over a chair and snatched up your car keys. In a moment, you were out the door and behind the wheel, speeding away from the crime scene.

The pharmacy was the only place open so late at night. You pulled into the parking lot and selected one of the many vacant spots. You took your key out of the ignition and prepared yourself for an onslaught of emotion. But it didn’t come.

You sat in the driver’s seat, replaying the scene in your head over and over again. One second, the bottle was in your hand, the next, it was breaking every bone in Theresa’s face. You could have very well taken a life that day. But it wasn’t an innocent person on the road, it was Theresa. The same Theresa that put Nair in her sister’s shampoo and lobbied against child labor laws. And she died the way she lived; running her stupid mouth, waiting for someone to shut her up.

You were more terrified of Hannibal's response than anything else. He seemed too enthusiastic to cover your tracks for you. Like he was returning to some favorite game he hadn't picked up in a while.

You shuffled across the parking lot to the ATM. Why did Hannibal need cash? Was he going to pay someone off? He didn't specify how much he needed. Was $100 enough to bribe the police? You settled on $100.

The bright fluorescent lights scalded your eyes. You needed to look like you were there for a reason. Grabbing a basket, you tried to distract yourself by going through the shopping list for your apartment.

Toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and body wash. Pilar is allergic to coconut oil so we need to check the ingredients. You found yourself narrating the shopping list in your head, even though it was one you ran down hundreds of times. You knew which brand of body wash to get Pilar, but you were grabbing random soaps and thumbing through the ingredients anyway.

On your way to the cough syrups, you felt a terrible pain in your stomach. You caved around the pain, regretting devouring that pot-au-feu so quickly. When you opened your eyes again, you saw them: the pregnancy tests.

No. You said to yourself. I am not going to keep Theresa alive by letting her get into my head.

As if on cue, another pang of pain reverberated from your core. It was bad enough Theresa had you doubting your memories, now she had you doubting your own body. She couldn’t possibly know your own body better than you, and she was out of line to suggest so.

But, whether you wanted to accept it or not, Theresa had planted the seed in your brain. You wanted so badly to claw it out with your bare hands. The most painless route, though, was to purchase one of those tests and prove her wrong.

In the meantime, you assured yourself she was wrong. You hadn't missed a day of birth control since the tenth grade. Regardless, the pregnancy test in your basket weighed a ton.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, sending you flying out of your skin. The lone cashier took notice.

"You okay, miss?"

You nodded, though you were so clearly not okay. With a trembling hand, you brought the phone up to your ear. "Hello?"

"It's safe now, darling." Hannibal said. "You can come home."

He said it so candidly, it was obvious that he'd done it before.

"Okay, baby, I'll see you at home." You answered, a little too loudly. As the words left your mouth you felt stupid. You'd never once called Hannibal 'baby' and you sure as hell weren't gonna start today.

You brought your items to the cashier, the pain in your stomach worsening. You made a point to waddle back to the medicine aisle and grab some painkillers before the cashier could finish ringing everything up.

By the time you were back behind the wheel, you were fighting the urge to drive off a cliff. The pain in your stomach was unbearable and you had no idea where it was coming from. It had to be psychosomatic. Your body was compensating for the shortcomings of your brain. You knew you were supposed to feel guilty but you just didn't, and your body was punishing you for it.

At home you were clutching the toilet, vomiting your guts out. Hannibal was at your side, gently stroking your hair. Again, acting as candidly as if he were nursing a hangover.

"I'm so sorry." You croaked, lifting your head from the toilet. "I don't know what this is. I didn't even drink that much."

"Don't apologize." He said, calmly. He stood up, filled a glass with water and offered it to you. "You're overwhelmed. It's natural."

"You say this like you've done this before." You joked, though you knew you were right. You clutched the glass with both hands, the coolness feeling good against your hot skin.

Hannibal took a knee beside you. His finger found a blade of your hair and tucked it behind your ear. "Now, we're not going to tell anyone about this, are we?"

He was fully aware of how intimidating he really was.

"I would never." You traced an x over your heart. "Swear on my grandfather's grave."

"Good girl." He traced your jawline with his finger. "Your intuition is as sharp as ever, I see."

You took a long sip of water. "Huh?"

"Don't insult your own intelligence, you know what I mean."

"You've hidden bodies before." You inferred, sitting up.

"I've done more than hide bodies, love, and I think you know that." Hannibal corrected.

Your first instinct was to stand up and get more wine, but moving too fast made you dizzy. "...so did it hurt?"

Hannibal raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon?"

"When Theresa died." You said, quietly. "Did she hurt at all?"

This pleased and surprised him to hear. "No. She was so heavily concussed, I doubt she felt anything."

You frowned. "Damn."

"Did you have something else in mind?"

Theresa's last words rung over in your head. 'I didn't think you had it in you'. The thoughts flooding your mind, about how Theresa would go were it up to you, assured you that you did in fact have it in you.

"I would have liked to see her suffer a little." You muttered under your breath.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time." He smiled and offered you his hand. "Come on, love. Let's get you cleaned up."

#hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #hannibal x reader #hannibal x you #mads mikkelsen #cult girl

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ur-local-anti-hero · 4 years ago

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S/O Captured by heroes

He was disgusted, and more than ever he wanted to kill every fucking hero that crossed his path.

Shigaraki x GN! Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of blood, Gunshot, cursing.

1025 words

I Dabi I I Hawks I I General mastelist I

Dabi’s pt2 is now up!!

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· Shigaraki knew this was a dangerous mission, not only him, but the whole league was aware of that fact.

· Even with the previous preparation and time they had spent planning everything out, they were still in a considerable disadvantage.

· You were by his side, your usual spot. He had tried to convince you to stay out of this mission, but you had refused.

· “You know that I am not weak! I won’t stay here while all the people I love are out there risking their life!” you had hissed at his proposal of staying at the bar.

· He was well aware of the fact that you weren’t weak. That was one of the things that made him fall for you, your ability to stand for yourself and others, always moved by your determination to end with the corrupt hero society.

· “I know…I know, angel” He sighed “But you already know how dangerous this mission is going to be, I would love nothing more than to be assured that you are safe”

· “There is no safer place than when you are by my side” You had said while cupping his face with your hands. “I love you, Tomura” You whispered before giving him a kiss.

· “I love you too, angel”

· The building the L.O.V was standing in front of was heavily guarded by pro heroes.

· Shigaraki hated the feeling of being the one putting at risk the safety of his people. However, it was a necessary step to finally separate the civilians from their blind faith in heroes.

· The only thing that played at your advantage was the surprise factor, no one would expect villains attacking a governmental building so suddenly. Especially with how inactive the league had been during the last months, waiting for the perfect moment to make their move.

· It was enough with making the security alarm go off, that was all that it would take to make panic flood the streets.

· It was all going even better than expected. Compress had managed to sneak in the building without any hero noticing thanks to the distraction the other members were creating. The alarms went off,

· ‘It had been a successful mission at the end’ Shigaraki thought, but it was too early to proclaim victory.

· As soon as the alarms went off more heroes started arriving at the scene. This was not part of the plan, and the league was quickly surrounded. Tomura could see Dabi and Toga fighting a handful of heroes, barely being able to keep up. Twice was on the gate, trying his best to distract the guards so Compress could get out of the building without problems.

· Shigaraki had already sorted out this possibility, it was clear the league was not strong enough and heroes would defeat them eventually.

· He turned around, looking for you to give Kurogiri the signal for the retreat. His heart stopped for a second after realizing you weren’t there anymore.

· His eyes frantically looked through the battlefield, searching for you. He saw you, not too far from him, fighting against some heroes.

· You felt his eyes on you and shouted at him “Shigaraki, the signal!”

· Without time to lose, shigaraki called for Kurogiri, who arrived as soon as his name left Shigaraki’s lips.

· None of the members held any type of lethal bounds as they made their way to the portal Kurogiri had opened.

· However, all of them failed to notice something, something you saw from the corner of your eye. Snipe’s gun was aiming directly at your boyfriend.

· You were close to the hero and in a rash decision you ran towards him. Catching his guard down as he didn’t see you coming from his side.

· You tried to take his gun out of his grasp, struggling, everything that was in your mind was saving Tomura.

· A gunshot was heard, you froze in place. Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt a sharp pain. Blood was dripping down your abdomen, your hands went down to where the bound was, only making them get stained with the thick and warm red liquid.

· All you heard before collapsing on your knees and blacking out was someone calling your name.

· The gunshot was heard through the night, suddenly everything had slowed down for Shigaraki. He snapped his head to where the sound had come from, just for his heart to stop and his breath to uneven.

· You were on the floor, a pool of blood under your unconscious body, now being restrained by the hero without any type of care.

· You were fucking bleeding out and the hero was still treating your body with extreme roughness.

· He saw red, fury flooding through his veins. He started to make his way towards you, only to be stopped by Twice.

· “GET OUT OF MY WAY, I’M GOING TO KILL HIM” He barked at him.

· “I am sorry, but we have to leave. If not Y/n is not going to be the only one captured” Twice pleaded.

· But it wasn’t his significant other, the one bleeding out on the floor, Twice couldn’t understand how he was feeling.

· He kept struggling against Twice’s hold, but before he could break free black mist surrounded him, making him lose sight of your figure. As soon as the mist disappeared, he was back at the bar.

· He pushed Twice, breaking free from his hold.

· Without another word he left.

· When he arrived at his room, he raised his hands to his face, realizing his eyes were wet. He was crying, he had lost you after promising to be your protector.

· He turned on the news. They were talking about the raid to the building and about the league’s attack. But what made his blood boil in rage was the way they were talking about you.

· You, who were one of the leaders of the league, they were talking as if your current critical condition was a miracle, they were talking as if you were a trophy they had just won.

· He was disgusted, and more than ever he wanted to kill every fucking hero that crossed his path.

------

Thanks for reading!! Likes and reblogs are apreciated

Requests are open

Taglist: @luci58 @honeyr4ven

If u want to be added to my general bnha taglist ask me!

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha angst #bnha headcanons #bnha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki x gn!reader #shigaraki headcanons #my hero academia shigaraki #shigaraki angst #mha #mha headcanons #league of villains #reader #bnha #my hero academia

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wizkiddx · 3 years ago

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your song blurb

hello!! sorry ive been so inactive and I have got a number of req that I am trying to work through - I am sorry, please be as patient as you can with me. general life shit and all hasn't been ideal. I am aware I reaaallly need to update my master list and will get round to it when I can I promise ;)

also have lots of asks abt the t + z situation but all I have to say is im so very happy for them and hope people respect their privacy ;)

harryhollandxreader // friends --> lovers blurb

summary: harry never sings in front of you, until you need it

//////////////////////////

There were some things that Harry, even after being friends for years, kept close to his chest. The one that you always tried to catch him out on was his singing. For some unknown reason, he was super self conscious of it. Every time he was nonchalantly humming along to himself, all it took was for you to make a single sound, and he’d immediately lock his mouth shut. From those fleeting moments, you had thought he didn’t even sound half bad, hence where your frustrations drew.

Because whilst you, who sounded like a cat being tortured, would scream your lungs out - Harry, who wasn’t even that bad, refused to make a fool out of himself.

It was exactly what had happened this evening when you had let yourself into Tom’s house otherwise unannounced. It’d been years since you’d been given a spare key by Harry - when they were both away, you often ‘house-sat’ for Tom; plus, you spent most evenings there too because that was where your best mate was.

Tom had messaged on the group chat to say he would be out for the evening, and Haz was around his girlfriends tonight, meaning on arrival, you’d known it’d just be you and Harry. So once you heard the quiet tune of a song, that you couldn’t quite place yet, safe to say you were on stealth mode. Sliding your shoes off and wincing as the floorboards creaked a little, you slowly crept through the house to find your frizzy-haired friend.

Sure enough, as you made your way through the kitchen, you found him stood over the hob, stirring round a wooden spoon of a saucepan - presumably filled with pasta he’d promised to have ready for you. Pouting as you leaned on the doorframe and crossed your arms, marvelling at him. He was dressed just in grey joggers and his favourite pink hoodie, arms rolled up to his elbow as the poor boy slaved away at the stove.

You stayed silent, to what you now recognised as billy joel, only unable to stifle a giggle when he reached a particularly high note. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, he jumped around and yelled, eyes fiery and pointed at you.

“OH fuck off Y/n!!”

“Billy Joel, an old school choice.” You smirked, now walking into the room to greet him properly.

“How long have you been stalking on me?”

“It’s not stalking if the stalkee gave me the key.”

“I don’t think that’s admissible in court.” He deadpanned back, pouting for a couple more seconds before finally shooting you a wide grin. The boy held his arms out, welcoming you into a proper greeting hug. Happily reciprocating, you inhaled deeply with your face pressed into the crook of his shoulder.

“How was work?” He murmured, already guessing the answer correctly.

“Shit. Exhausting. Hell, you want any more adjectives?” Harry just snorted back as you leaned away from his warmth.

“Nah rule of three is quite enough. Did you never pay attention in GCSE english?”

“Fuck off you can’t even spell GCSE.”

That was always how your friendship had been; it had always been a piss-taking battle. You simply were one of the boys - or at least that’s what you thought. Said boys though (meaning Sam, Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine and even Paddy) disagreed. You didn’t know, or didn’t believe, that Harry did NOT treat you like one of the boys. He cared about you differently, too. Tom thought it didn’t stop there, that Harry did in fact love you.

And yes, you might’ve admitted to Harrison on one very, very drunken night that you had occasionally thought of Harry as something more than your sarky friend. He had been since sworn to silence, though Haz had in fact, told Tom - who only replied with an ‘i told you so’.

Even though everyone else saw your relationship as complicated, to you and Harry it was just simple. You were just the best of friends.

And that’s how the evening went. The two of you were just messing around as usual; after eating the tomatoey pasta creation Harry had tried, you both made a right mess of the washing up - water ending up coating the floor and maybe one of the walls too (Tom would never know). And just like usual, it ended with you sprawled out on one sofa, Harry mirroring you on the adjacent one.

It was love island season, which meant every night at 9 pm there was only one place on earth either of you would be. On your respective sofas, watching the most trashy tv in the world.

Tonight though, no matter how excited you were for the next instalment of who-likes-who, your day of work caught up with you. Not that you noticed, but you’d pretty much passed out as soon as the opening scenes started. There were only two minutes of silence before Harry registered something was up - typically, he was trying to make you shut up so he could actually hear the TV. To investigate, he jumped off the sofa and leaned over the couch, the sight making him pout.

He knew work had been super stressful recently; and he also knew that your insomnia had been coming back with a vengeance. So instead of treating you like ‘one of the boys’ and throwing things until you woke up - Harry used a different approach. He draped the blanket that hung off the side of the sofa over you, biting back a slight smile as you huffed in appreciation for the soft quilt. Then Harry left you alone, knowing you could do with every little bit of rest you could get.

That was all good until it reached the third set of adverts when Harry heard you huff and move about on the sofa. And then again and again. Then again with what sounded like a bit of whimper too.

Brows furrowed, he paused the TV and slowly got up, rounding the sofa to see you somewhat matching his expression. Your face was contorted in one of distress, and you kept thrashing your head from side to side of the pillow. It didn’t take a genius to work out; this was your nightmares rearing their ugly heads.

Harry just wanted to stop this for you. Although the two of you were never particularly ‘mushy’ or vulnerable with each other - he knew just how much you were suffering recently. So without much thought into it, Harry knelt down to sit on the floor, side leaning up against the sofa as he looked towards you. Trying to hush you, he ran his hand over your forehead and over the top of your hair, though it seemed to take little effect. And then, again entirely without hesitation, Harry started to softly sing.

It’s a little bit funny

This feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Why Elton John was the first that came to mind was a mystery to Harry - except maybe that the lyrics ran true a little.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in the words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

You’d always loved old 70s music, you were the one that had properly got you into all that stuff - the beatles, billy joel, elton, even a bit of springsteen. He owed half his music taste to your Spotify playlists, even if he’d never admit it to your face.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten, if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is, what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

With a final huff, you finally settled down, Harry swore he could see all the discomfort literally melting away from your face. It took a minute but your breath evened out, mumbling something incomprehensible as you curled up toward him on the edge of the sofa.

This wasn't the first time he’d sang to you in your sleep - and he sort of hoped it wouldn't be the last either.

feedback is really appreciated <3

harry taglist : @euphorichxlland @lovehollandy12 @pandaxnienke @msmimimerton @crossyourpeter @hallecarey1

#harry holland #harry holland x reader #harry holland imagine #harry holland fluff #tom holland #harrison osterfield

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utilitycaster · 3 years ago

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In a very on-brand move thinking about how much the “haha this group has one brain cell and this character has it” meme annoys me sparked like, between two and seven different rants for me (I edited myself down to four, mostly) so I’ve helpfully numbered them into something that is debatably readable.

The main reason I don’t like it in any media is because usually it’s not as simple as ‘this is the brains of the group’, because people are multidimensional. I also don’t like it in actual play specifically for “stop acting like stats mean absolutely everything” reasons, which is a thing I’ve been on about recently; think “Caleb Widogast (20 INT, 16 WIS) and the Emerald of Death that Absolutely Could Have Been Left Alone”.

It is my belief that people who do not take impulsive and/or risky actions in D&D are bad at playing D&D. There’s a good quote from Travis Willingham about this - that you can’t just play it safe. If you want to be pedantic and optimal about it the smartest thing to do would have probably been to never touch the ship full of corpses and the +1 Spider Crown of Makes Good People Throw Up*. But I think most** people understand that to have a story, that is, to find out, one must first fuck around. When players delicately try to skirt around every possible thing that might deprive them of a single hit point, it is unbelievably frustrating. It is not unintelligent or ‘lacking in brain cells’ to take risks. Dorian and Opal made great choices! They saw that the Nameless ones were going to be a threat that they could not avoid, and took actions to address that! Which brings me to my third point.

I find that fandom often pivots with all the grace of a broken Zamboni driven by an elephant, which is to say they do not react well to changes or new information. When the Nameless Ones show up, and it becomes clear that the plan of quietly running away undetected had failed, a lot of people seem to short circuit (presumably) and perceive whoever drops that first plan - even though we already know it has failed - as being the cause of the new problem. This is wrong; the person who drops the plan is the person who reacts first to a new and changed situation instead of hanging on to plan A when they know it won’t work. This happens a lot; I may be turning over a huge amount of dead discourse about Rumblecusp but it was fascinating to see how many people were frustrated by the inaction against Vokodo but then championed inaction in terms of reacting to Jester being in trouble; it seems many people make a connection between inertia and ‘the brain cell’ even though sticking with a plan you know has failed is not smart. This also, I should note, tracks with neutral good characters often being assigned the brain cell by the fandom, so onto point 4, which is…

It’s easy to appeal to law or chaos - in fact, it’s much easier to appeal to that than to morality (good/neutral/evil). True neutral is also not terribly hard to appeal to in that you either zero in on the character’s personal goals/beliefs and ignore alignment altogether, or you trust the player isn’t a total dickhead and will go along with the party majority. Neutral good and neutral evil are the trickiest alignments to motivate, and since neutral evil is both rare among PCs and especially tricky***, let’s talk neutral good. Neutral good characters want to help but they lack the certainty of a lawful character or the spontaneity of a chaotic one; they typically need to analyze everything to figure out how they can best help since all they really have to go on is ‘am I helping’ and that’s often a complicated question. And it’s not bad to do this! It’s a valuable perspective to have in a party. But it’s not a sign of intelligence so much as a sign of having a specifi philosophy, and while I’m sure there’s someone out there who wants to watch a 7 hour trolley problem debate, I do not, nor do most people, so another character will often take action. This in turn doesn’t mean they’re impulsive, so much as they acknowledge that the trolley waits for no one.

In summary I think a lot of people associate “the brain cell” with extreme caution, but in a world where pausing for six seconds can get you hit by a poisoned dagger (and also resurrection exists), there is a lot of sense in making a quick decision.****

*if you were going to say “um actually this is the circlet of barbed vision” unironically may I gently suggest you learn what jokes are.

**not many, and yet still, far more than the acceptable amount, which is zero.

***this is a whole new too-long post but in short while neutral good usually wants to actively help, neutral evil often just doesn’t care if they do harm, but doesn’t actively seek it. Many neutral evil characters (eg: pre-Mighty Nein Essek) have relatively morally neutral goals; the evil comes from them being willing to hurt others in their pursuit of those motivations. They do not necessarily see doing evil as its own goal or reward the way a neutral good character may feel about doing good.

****for more on this see every time I have ever complained about how people are all about more thorough examinations of worldbuilding when it comes to boring shit like fabric arts but refuse to apply it to like, the sociocultural implications of a world with complete gender and sexuality equality and wildly different lifespans among different peoples and the presence of magic and gods.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #exandria unlimited #long post

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cripplingaddictions · 4 years ago

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First “I love you”s with the BNHA Boys

Bakugo, Shinso, Kirishima

Summary: How I think some of my favs would say their first ily and when it would be in the relationship. Pretty much first major confession stories...

A/N: So sorry for inactivity. I always get way too carried away with these sorts of headcanons... Let me know if you guys want a part two with maybe some pro heroes, villains, or maybe more students??

Bakugo:

Yeah, Bakugo sucks at words

Bakugo said his quite far into the relationship, let’s be real

To begin with, his love language was actions, not words

So when he realised that he needed to say it at some point or you may get upset with him, he panicked

I’m sure you were incredibly accepting of his form of affection, slightly aggressive or not, that you weren't pressing for him to say it

You knew he would be uncomfortable with it, so you make it your mission to say it to him first

That way he could feel either relieved that you said first, confident enough to say it himself when he was ready, or let it out at the same time

Spoiler: it was the latter

You both blurted it out together

The two of you were in a fight, nothing unusual

However, it wasn’t one of the playful ones that more commonly end with you giggling and pleading for his mercy as he tickled you

You’d never yell in those sorts of fights, and neither would he

But this one was serious

The points and arguments attacking each other were incredibly personal, but both sides were very unselfish

For example, you said: “Your inferiority complex is what makes you this way and you’re gonna push yourself too hard one day!”

To which he’d reply with: “Look at you, if you want to play hero let me do what I want and focus on yourself. Don’t waste your time on me when I’m perfectly fine”

You get the idea

All you wanted was for him to look after himself

Once you believed the fight was incredibly stupid, you stormed off

Bakugo of course tried to catch up with you only for you to slam a door in his face, which you instantly regretted

It took you a good half an hour to open the door again

Bakugo stood up immediately at the sight of your puffy eyes

He felt awful

But the three words came out as follows:

“Katsuki... I’m sorry”

“No, I am”

“Katsu, please, you know that I get worked up”

“And I do too”

There was a pause, neither of you knowing who would speak first

That’s when you spoke at the same time

“I only said what I said because I love you and care about you”

“I almost pushed you away because I love you so much, dumbass”

“What did you say?”

“Huh”

You got him to repeat himself, and he mumbled it shyly

You awed, hurrying up to him to pull him tightly into your chest and reassured him softly

He was too shocked to get emotional or cry

He was mainly relieved that you said it too, because as soon as that fight picked up, he was afraid you didn’t

Now that it was off his chest, he was relieved

And knowing everything that you did was because you loved him back made him feel so much better

But he made sure that you both said it often enough to avoid doubt

Shinso:

My soft purple boy...

He knew he loved you instantly, much like most of the boys on this list

He had finally found someone with similar interests as him, same sense of humour, same goals, and loved cats too

Best of all, you never assumed anything because of his quirk

And with Shinso’s childhood, encountering someone who thought nothing like those other kids, he wanted to hold onto you forever

You feeling safe around him wasn’t something that grew over time after meeting him

It was instantaneous

You had introduced yourself to him and he cocked an eyebrow at you

“Aren’t you scared?”

“Scared? Why would I be scared?”

“Don’t you know I’m the kid with the brainwash quirk that everyone says to ‘beware’?”

“Oh, yeah. I knew”

“Then why did you approach me?”

“I don’t know, I thought your quirk was actually really cool and wanted to know why your in the general department and not in the hero department”

That was the first time he had ever heard someone talk about his quirk in such a way

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t fall in love instantly as you took a seat next to him and began ranting about how rigged the entrance exam was

I didn’t mean to get into a whole backstory so lets hurry with the confession:

You two weren’t even dating yet when he said it

And it wasn’t even that far into your friendship that he let it slip

The two of you had stopped into a cat cafe on the way home from UA

You had already finished eating and were busy playing with the numerous cats surrounding your table

After all, Shinso was a cat magnet

You cooed at a kitten in your lap, talking to it in your baby voice

Shinso sat across from you, chin resting in his hand smiling fondly to himself

The fact that he loved you was so apparent to him that he almost forgot that you didn’t know

For some reason, he had forgotten that you really couldn’t read his mind, even though you were so similar to him

At this point, your teasing but genuine affection had made Shinso forget that you weren't dating

Being around each other was so comfortable

He never had been so blessed

While you played with the cat, he sighed

“Damn... I love you...”

“:0”

“:|”

The boy had the audacity to clear his throat and pretend he didn’t say it, like it was a ghost or something that had whispered it so softly and meaningfully in a voice that sounded just like his voice..?

Of course you knew it was him

“Do you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“>:[”

“Yes?”

“This is so sudden... I mean we’re not even dating? Do I say it back now? How long have you felt this way? Do I have to meet your parents now? Wait, do you even want a relationship? No-”

Shinso leaned over the table and placed his hand over your mouth to hush you

“It was an accident, okay? I didn’t mean to say it so soon”

You peel his large hand off your mouth

“No, it’s fine... I’m kind of relieved...”

“Why’s that?”

“I was going to ask you out after this... and I didn’t know if you’d say yes”

You laughed nervously, turning back to the cat and avoided Shinso’s eyes

Let’s just say that he definitely said yes and that spot in the cat cafe became his favourite place ever

You said that you loved him right after he agreed to date you

Kirishima:

Kiri! Kiri! Kiri! Kiri!

Words are 100% his thing!

In fact, after you started dating, he couldn’t wait to say it!

He would have said it as soon as you agreed to date him if it wasn’t for his plan that he had come up with as soon as he realised he had a crush on you

This plan of his consisted of him confessing that he loves you after a long date that ended with you two stargazing on a hill with candles and sandwiches and blankets and-

Argh, it was going to be perfect!

Originally, he intended jump right into it and ask you to hang out then take you to the arcade, then to lunch, then the festival, then across the lake, then to the park as friends!

Denki thought it was stupid that he’d go through all that effort without knowing if you even liked him back!

So, with Denki’s “experience”, he instructed Kirishima on a new 20 step plan in order to say it at the right moment

Kiri, being so lovestruck, he could only listen to him

The first date he asked you on was a simple study date

According to Denki’s plan, Kiri was to take baby steps in order to build up to a date of that magnitude

With Kirishima being the sunshine boy he is, every date was a blast (even the study one)

As it came to the completion of the 20 step plan, Kiri began to grow nervous

Remember how I said words are 100% his thing?

Well, at least they were

Before the big day at least

He was incredible fidgety the entire time, from when you got to the arcade to when you hopped onto the boat to cross the lake

You weren’t stupid, you noticed how his laughter faded out quickly as how he avoided your eyes more often than not

It caused you to get a bit anxious yourself, making the boat ride over to the park incredibly awkward

You usually relied on him to bounce back on, but now...

Why was he even anxious? The date had gone perfectly!

You looked like you had enjoyed yourself, so why was he questioning if you would love him back?

Nonetheless, he led you to the exactly place on the hill he had planned it to happen three months ago

You rolled out the picnic blanket, lit the candles, ate the sandwiches and waited for the sun to go down

The temperature dropped, causing you to shiver, just like Kiri planned

So he took out the blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders, much more awkwardly than he had watched on repeat in his head for months

But you took it with a smile, and he loosened up a bit

When it became dark enough for you to see the stars, you lay down on wrapped in the blanket

Your eyes were filled with wonder as you found yourself absent-mindedly telling Kiri about the different stars

That’s when Kiri found his hand itching for the speech that he stashed into his pocket after rewriting it over and over again

He was sure he had formulated his words right

But at that moment, seeing you just as he had dreamed in this perfect moment, but only more beautiful, he realised it would never go as he planned

“And I think that one is Sirius. It’s got to be the brightest star”

“Y/N”

“Yes?”

“I want to tell you something”

You’re heart dropped

“What is it?”

“I’m so in love with you, you have no idea. Ever since I met you, I thought you were incredible and beautiful... It’s not very manly for me to admit this but... I have literally dreamed of this moment. But none of my dreams could have never prepared me for this. I love you, Y/N, and it’s okay if you don’t love me back”

“Oh thank goodness, I’m so glad that was what you wanted to say”

“Huh?”

“I noticed how fidgety you were and I feared the worst if I’m honest!”

“Oh, no I didn’t want to make you feel that way! I was just nervous that you wouldn’t accept my confession...”

“Of course I do! I love you too!”

He was so relieved, and never regretted the way the confession when down

Since he recovered from his initial nerves, he’d say it constantly and you’d always laugh and reciprocate his words

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iatethepomegranate · 3 years ago

Text

A fic in which Caleb buys a house in Rexxentrum with Beau and Yasha, becomes a professor, and learns how to be a person.

Chapter Summary: The sands of time stop for no one, and the Nein eventually go back to their separate lives. Caleb grapples with the responsibilities of his new position, invents the support group, and Astrid gives him some rather unsettling news.

Notes: Caleb and Essek's scene together is a little spicy, but not explicit. Chapter title is from In the Embers by Sleeping At Last.

*** Chapter 5: Like fireworks we pull apart the dark

Caleb was smiling when he got back home. Veth aimed her crossbow at him.

“Quick! Tell me something only Caleb would say!”

Caleb sighed and held up his hands in surrender; he should have expected this. “You almost inscribed a rune upside-down today. I lent you my spellbook.”

“I don’t know, man,” said Beauregard, lounging across Yasha on the couch and completely fucking with them. “An imposter could’ve interrogated Caleb and forced him to recount his day. Caleb is pretty squishy.” Caleb almost reminded her he had been taught to withstand torture, which he’d first told explictly her while compiling his testimony for Trent’s trial, but he didn’t want to ruin her fun.

“Oh, that’s very smart,” Yasha said.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Say something else,” Veth demanded. “Something not from today. How did we meet?”

“In prison. You stole a bottle of cherry wine. I had Frumpkin retrieve a piece of wire so you could pick the lock and then I set the jail on fire and screamed for help. The guards ran away and we walked out. We have been best friends ever since. You were also a goblin at the time.”

“But wouldn’t an imposter have asked about Caleb’s known associates?” Fjord supplied.

“Fjord, I can and will burn your hair off. And, unlike Aeor, it will not grow back overnight.”

“Ha!” Veth put her crossbow away. “Welcome back. Sit down. Cad’s making tea again.” She dragged him over to the blanket nest that no one had bothered to put away, and shoved him in it.

Essek poked his head out of the kitchen. “How was your meeting?”

Caleb didn’t want to get into it. “I took the job.”

“Woo!” Jester yelled from the kitchen. She poked her head out, just next to Essek. “Did Astrid like the cookies?”

“Ja. She says thank you.” Caleb felt fine, except from the fact he was fucking exhausted. He tipped his head back, landing on Beau’s shin, and closed his eyes. “Uh, Beauregard? She says to look into Headmaster Zivan Margolin, who is also the Archmage of Conscription. He’s a link to Trent. A weak one. Apparently he has been running his mouth about how he saw my potential from the beginning. Ludinus is uncomfortable with the implication and may throw him to the wolves to save his own neck.”

“I’ll pass it onto Yudala tomorrow. Take a nap while we wait for dinner.”

“The head of your school is also in charge of conscription?” said Fjord. “Wait. You’ve said this before.”

“A long time ago, ja.”

“Look, I’m only a few months old,” said Kingsley, who had been sprawled behind the couch the whole time, apparently. “And even I know that’s kinda fucked up.”

“No shit.” Caleb was half-sleep already, eyes closed. A small body curled up against him. Veth.

“Caleb, that’s really awful,” said Jester. “I’m so sorry.”

“Jester, I appreciate that, and I love you very much, but I am exhausted and cannot talk about this anymore.”

Caduceus saved him by bringing a tea tray into the room. “Let’s all unwind for a bit. Dinner will be ready soon.”

Caleb drank half his tea and fell asleep on Beauregard, who had to kick him awake for dinner. Well had to was a strong way to put it. Regardless, he shoved some food in his face and then went to bed with Essek.

****

Astrid sent him tidbits of information as more details of his professorship were finalised. He would assist Professor Weber with the beginner and intermediate Transmutation classes. He would also assist Professor Winterheart with the beginner Evocation class, due to his experience. He would also be on call to assist with other classes as necessary.

What really shook Caleb, however, were Bettina’s plans for Advanced Transmutation. She told him herself over coffee in the ex-smut shop.

“Astrid has assured me of your capabilities,” she said, stirring sugar into her mug. “And she’s of the mind that the Advanced students may need your guidance the most. You may end up with a few former Volstrucker students, if we can get them back in class.”

“That is a big if.”

“Ja. Would you talk to Astrid about it? I don’t want to overstep.”

“It has been on my mind. I will talk to her.” If Caleb hadn’t been dead on his feet last time they had spoken, he probably would have brought it up. It would take time to track all of them down, and Caleb had not been in the right headspace to handle that kind of work previously. But things were more stable now, even if he cried at the drop of a hat these days.

“Danke. Now, Advanced Transmutation. The advanced students start on the third week of term, so you will have had some time to find your feet. I want you to take the lead with them.”

“Bitte?” Caleb wasn’t sure he understood what she was telling him.

“I want you to teach the advanced students,” Bettina clarified. “I will be on hand if you need, but I think you can handle it once you have a few classes under your belt.”

“Bettina, I have no experience.” Caleb was about three wrong words from hyperventilating. This was ridiculous. And irresponsible.

“I know that’s not true, Mr Widogast. Sorry, Professor Widogast.” The slip was deliberate. Bettina used his first name most of the time. She was making a point of his new title. “Astrid has spoken to your expositor friend, who said you have been teaching magic to one of your friends for over a year, and that you helped her run a summer camp for adventurers in Nicodranas. Expositor Lionett also insists you are very good with children.”

“My friend’s young son, specifically. He is not a difficult child.” Well, Luc was a handful for his parents, but Caleb didn’t have to worry about controlling him like they did. “And… advanced students are teenagers, not toddlers.”

“I understand this is a lot to ask,” Bettina said evenly. “I am asking because some of these children have been through a lot. My inaction, whatever the truth of it, will not instill confidence. You put Trent in prison. You were an adventurer. You can relate to them. Not only can you be a safe person for them, but you are interesting. Teenagers respond best to people who are genuine, and genuinely interesting. Even the children who have not been pulled into Trent’s web have just been through a war. Some of them may have lost family.”

“Bettina, I appreciate you are trying to explain your reasons, but it is not helping.”

“I will be there in class for as long as you need my help,” Bettina promised. “I will only leave when you are ready. I promise. You can ask for help at any time. I will help you with your lesson plans and give you all the advice I can. You will be fine. I would not suggest this if I thought you couldn’t handle it.”

****

Caleb went back home after his meeting with Bettina. He was still worried, but he was having a decent day overall, so it wasn’t overwhelming him at the moment. He stepped inside Beau and Yasha’s side of the house, the scent of freshly baked bread filling his nostrils. It was almost lunchtime.

Most of the Nein had gone home by now, except Essek and Caduceus. They were in the kitchen with Yasha, inspecting a fresh loaf of bread on the counter. The top of it was sprinkled with rolled oats.

“I think it worked,” Caduceus said. “Ah, Caleb. Rye bread? Does it look right to you?”

It smelled like the Vollkornbrot Caleb remembered from his childhood. “Ja. This looks close to what my mother used to make.”

Yasha and Caduceus high-fived over Essek’s head. Essek’s nose wrinkled a little bit in a moment of endearing, petty irritation. Yasha cut the bread into slices and constructed a sandwich to take to Beau, who was at the Archive. She buttered a slice and shoved it into her mouth before she rushed out the door.

Caleb sat with Essek and Caduceus. The latter finished serving up the bread with a generous spread of butter.

“Did you start this last night?” Caleb asked. It was chewy as intended and tasted like home, maybe a tiny bit saltier, but that was fine.

“Yeah,” replied Caduceus. “You were pretty out of it. We looped Essek in once you were out of the house this morning. This one seems doable for Yasha to make without us. You might have to help her.”

“I can do that.” He used to help his mother with the bread whenever he was home. The memories were not too painful today, just an ache.

“How was your meeting?” Essek asked. He had been hesitant to leave Rexxentrum until Caleb was a bit more settled, but the hourglass was almost drained of sand.

“Good, I think.” Caleb chewed, mulling the whole thing over. “Professor Weber is giving me her advanced transmutation students.”

“You look worried,” said Caduceus.

“I am. It’s a lot of responsibility. She thinks the older students need me the most. As a safe person. I was their age when I… when everything went to shit. She thinks we may have a few survivors of the program in the class, and other students will have lost family in the war.”

Essek’s shoulders slumped. He ate quietly.

“And the Professor doesn't think she can be that person?”

“She insists she didn’t know what Trent was doing, but she expects the survivors will only see the face of someone who didn’t help them.”

“That is very self-aware of her. Do you feel that way?”

“No. But I’m not seventeen years old.”

“True. Well, I think you have the tools to help the kids, if you feel up to it.”

“I… maybe. Bettina said she’ll help me in class until I don’t need her anymore.”

Caduceus nodded slowly, with a smile. “You’ll be great.”

****

Essek and Caduceus had dinner at the house, and intended to spend a few more hours there before teleporting to the Blooming Grove, where Essek would trance before heading off in the morning, only short of one big spell instead of two. Caleb almost wanted to ask him to burn a second spell to trance here instead, but he knew Essek found the Grove calming. And one of the few places he didn’t have to worry about the Dynasty or the Empire. Caleb wouldn’t take that from him.

But they had a bit of time, which Caleb and Essek spent in their room together. Caleb let a few of his dancing lights float around the space, so he could see Essek for the last time in who knew how long.

“You were better today,” Essek said softly, slowly unbuttoning Caleb’s shirt.

Caleb watched him concentrate on the buttons, memorising his tiny frown that also graced his face when focusing on intricate spellwork. “Being here is getting easier. Thank you for the bread.”

Essek chuckled softly. “I did very little.” He pushed Caleb’s shirt off his shoulders. “But I’m glad it made you happy.”

“The best bread is the kind made by someone I love.” He shivered a little in the cold. Essek pressed his lips to Caleb’s shoulder, remaining there as the seconds ticked away. Caleb got to work on Essek’s shirt, finding the strings on the back through sheer muscle memory. He picked the bow apart and slowly unravelled the lacing. He pulled Essek’s shirt over his head and kissed his collarbone.

They had a few more hours. Caleb intended to treasure every second Essek could give him.

Essek pulled Caleb’s ponytail free and ran his fingers through the braids he had made that morning until they twisted apart. He cradled Caleb’s head as they kissed. Vulnerability between them had been hard won, and now it was as easy as breathing. Easier, sometimes.

They separated, and Essek slowly dragged his thumb across Caleb’s lower lip. “I will message you every day I can.”

“You better. Or I will hunt you down.”

Essek smirked, and it did things to Caleb. “And if I misbehave? Will you give me detention, Professor?”

“Essek, I love you, but never say that again.” Caleb shut him up with another kiss. “I do not want one of my last memories of you to be… that.”

“Not so adventurous after all,” Essek teased.

“We are not bringing our professions into the bedroom. That will not go well for either of us.”

“Hmm.” Essek’s eyes were distant for a moment. “You are… not wrong. Whenever I hear the word Shadowhand, I think of my mother.”

“Could be worse,” Caleb said dryly.

Essek wrinkled his nose. “Yes. Well. That has killed the mood.”

“I can fix that. May I?”

Essek sat back on his hands, raising an eyebrow. “Do your worst.”

“Challenge accepted,” Caleb murmured. He shoved Essek onto his back, straddling his hips. Essek was a lot smaller than Caleb, though the force of his personality and his floating cantrip had once hidden that reality. Now, however… Caleb could keep Essek in place with his weight alone. And Essek liked it when he used that objective fact to their benefit.

Essek’s lips parted, and it took him ten seconds of shallow breaths to find his voice. “Challenge completed,” he said breathlessly.

“It’s one of my many skills, Liebchen.” Caleb knew his voice became extra husky when aroused, and he knew how much it broke Essek’s brain.

Essek opened his mouth again, but nothing came out except a soft, breathy laugh. He reached up and pulled Caleb’s hair until Caleb leaned down and kissed him hard. The throaty mmph noise from Essek was satisfying as fuck. It was very easy to get Essek aroused at the right moment. The harder part was finding that moment. He was sensitive to Caleb’s emotions, and it was hard for him to get in the mood if he had even the slightest inkling Caleb was not having a good day. For now, at least, it meant what sex they did have only happened under the best circumstances. It was a far cry from the last relationship Caleb had been in, where most of the sex had been after a bad day, all three of them on the brink of falling apart.

Caleb pulled back a little bit to lightly brush his fingernails across the sensitive skin of Essek’s lower abdomen, just above his remaining clothing. Essek’s breath hitched.

“Caleb. Please.” Essek was flushing red beneath the purple of his skin, turning it a lovely plum tone. Caleb kissed his stomach, and slowly undressed him like a long-anticipated present he was afraid to break. Essek squirmed beneath him, no matter how hard he tried to hold still to make the job easier.

“What do you want, Kätzchen?” Caleb said quietly, stroking the inside of Essek’s bare thigh. Caleb never used terms of endearment like this in casual conversation. He liked to save it for special moments, specifically because he knew it broke Essek’s brain very badly to be called things like kitten or sweetheart in Caleb’s own tongue.

Essek let out a shaky breath; his violet-blue eyes were half-lidded and he was out of his fucking mind. “I want… anything. Everything. You. I can’t think.”

“I know,” Caleb said, sliding off the bed, just out of Essek’s reach. “I like it that way.” He slowly unfastened his pants, watching Essek twitch in a half-aborted attempt to move closer to him. “Stay right there.” He let them drop, kicked them aside, finished undressing. He lingered out of reach until Essek bit his lip, gazing up at him with a silent plea. Only then did Caleb climb back onto the bed, settling between Essek’s shaking legs. “Let me take care of you, ja?”

Caleb caught Essek’s lips in a messy, breathless kiss as their bodies fit together at long last.

Later, they lay together under the covers. Caleb had extinguished his lights. Essek could see him perfectly well. Caleb had almost left the lights on so he could drink in Essek’s features for a little while longer, but he was sluggish and borderline mindless from his most recent orgasm. He would rather spend what little concentration he had on running his fingers across Essek’s features so he had a few more memories to keep him warm until they could meet again.

“I will stay until you fall asleep,” Essek said softly. “Then, I will message you tomorrow after I leave the Grove.”

Caleb hummed quietly, not trusting his voice beyond that. This goodbye was hard every time.

“I’m proud of you, Caleb.” Essek kissed him, and then pressed their foreheads together. “You will be an incredible teacher. You already are.” Caleb swallowed against a lump in his throat. He was not going to cry. He was not going to make this harder for Essek than it needed to be.

Somehow, he managed to find his voice. “I finally had a good example.”

Essek chuckled softly. “That may be the one thing in my life I did right.”

“It’s an important thing you did right, but not the only one.” Caleb found his hand, twining their fingers together. His grip would slacken in sleep, letting Essek extract himself without too much difficulty.

“I try to remember that. Thank you. Get some sleep.”

Caleb didn’t want to close his eyes, knowing Essek wouldn’t be there in the morning. But Essek had to leave sometime, and he was giving Caleb every moment he could spare. So Caleb closed his eyes and relaxed into the pillow.

“I love you, Essek.”

“I love you, Caleb.”

Sometimes they didn’t need to say it. It was always true, whether or not they put it into words. Tonight, however, they both felt just a little more fragile, a little more vulnerable, and the words helped.

And then Caleb slept. The last thing he remembered was Essek’s fingers dancing sweetly in his hair.

****

Waking alone, Caleb tried not to be too dour in the morning, but given Yasha kept trying to find things around the house to keep him busy, he was clearly not doing a good job. He had to meet with Astrid (and probably Wulf) later in the day to discuss work some more, and he needed to bring up the Volstrucker survivors. Maybe Astrid had already been working on contacting them, but it wasn’t clear. It needed to be.

For now, however, he let Yasha drag him out to the garden. He liked having his hands in the soil, coaxing life out of the earth. After dealing so much death in this world, it was nice to put life back into it. He knew Yasha felt the same. It also let him reminisce about some of his less painful memories of home. Planting green beans with his mother.

It was also a little easier to bask in the afterglow of last night out here in the sun.

“Did you have a good time last night?” Yasha asked. Caleb was glad Beauregard was already at work. She wouldn’t tease him, but he knew she would have to restrain herself.

“Ja,” Caleb said quietly.

“He’s soft with you. It’s lovely.” She watched him, and she saw a little too well. “You miss him.”

“A lot, ja.”

“You’re good for each other,” she said. “I’m glad you have him, even if it’s not all the time.”

Caleb knew his smile was incredibly sad, but it was a smile nonetheless. “Me too.”

Essek’s Sending reached him in that moment. “Hello, love. I have arrived at my destination in one piece. A little further away than intended, but unharmed. How’s your morning?” A slight pause. “I love you.” Ah, he’d realised he had three words left.

Full of warmth from the sun and Essek’s word economy, Caleb responded, “Hallo, Essek. Glad you are safe. I am gardening with Yasha.” She waved. “She says hi. We had leftover bread for breakfast. Talk soon. Love you, too.”

“That’s very sweet, Caleb.”

He chuckled, and it sounded a little more fragile than he would’ve liked. “Careful. I will start crying again.”

“Hey, that’s okay. I’ve been crying a lot, too. I think it’s a good thing.”

Maybe. Caleb found it too unsettling to have that view on it. He stood up from the ground, knees damp with morning dew, and dusted the grass off his trousers. Establishing a garden here, and actually putting his own hands in the dirt this time, felt permanent. Unless something went very wrong, they were going to be here for a long time.

Yasha hadn’t had a stable home for years, either. And she also had awful violence and loss baked into her past, and terrifying blank patches in her memory. It was easy to spend quiet time with her, because they understood each other in a way the others sometimes couldn’t.

They enjoyed a quiet cup of tea on the steps linking the back door to the garden. Yasha was partway through repairing the fence back here, and she insisted on working with it alone; magic would end the project too quickly.

The sun reflected in her whitening hair, glowing like the radiance inside her. She deserved all the gentle mornings; she wore them well. Yasha gazed out at the barest beginnings of their garden, and she smiled.

“This suits you,” Caleb said.

“I’m getting used to it,” she replied softly. “After so long, I get to just be a…” She caught herself. “Well. I’m not a wife.”

“For now.”

She chuckled. “For now. It’s nice here. I get to bake bread, and grow a little garden, and welcome the people I love when they come home. And I get to love whoever I want. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“You deserve it. You deserve peace.”

Yasha smiled into her teacup. “Beau tells me that every day. I think I’m starting to believe it. What about you?”

A short question, with a complicated answer. “Sometimes. I do not know if I will ever feel like I deserve this without reservation. It is getting easier. Having a mission helps, I think.”

“We can do this,” Yasha told him. She said it quietly, but with every ounce of determination she had. Yasha had a lot. Caleb was struck by her soft strength, as he often was. Letting oneself be gentle after years of violence and pain was one of the hardest things to do. Caleb knew that all too well.

Caleb held out his fist, and she bumped it. “Ja, we got this.”

And he actually believed it. If only a little bit.

****

Caleb had an easier time walking into Soltryce Academy this time. Starting from a far more energised and calm place than last time carried him through the memories. Entering Astrid’s office was still a little painful, but he was strong enough to handle it.

Astrid and Wulf were seated in armchairs in front of the fireplace, reading. There was a pile on the table between them, and evident gaps on the bookshelves. They had rarely gotten to read books from Trent’s personal collection. The silent fuck you was vindicating, even vicariously.

“The old man had some interesting material,” Astrid said in Zemnian, skipping over the pleasantries. They didn’t need them at this point. She messaged him frequently enough that it felt like they were simply picking up a briefly dropped conversation. They usually spoke Zemnian when they did not have non-speakers to contend with, and Wulf followed suit. They would occasionally borrow a word or phrase from Common if the sentiment worked better.

Wulf snorted. “Pretty dry reading. You’ll like it, Bren.”

Caleb shrugged. “Once a nerd, always a nerd.”

Wulf set the book on the table, stretching; his shirt rode up a little bit and Caleb kept his eyes on his face with a great deal of effort. “If you want more colourful reading, the smut shop you were asking about is on the north side of the market.”

“Kingsley asked me.”

“Uh-huh,” Wulf said flatly.

“Listen, you cannot flirt with all my friends and then take that tone with me.”

“Just did.”

Caleb resisted the somewhat mild urge to scream. Wulf and Astrid were both very good at putting him off-balance, in very different ways. “Whatever makes you happy, Wulf. Astrid, can we talk about Advanced Transmutation? I am going to explode if I don’t talk about this in the next ten seconds.”

Astrid had been watching his exchange with a cocked eyebrow, but she smoothed out her expression and gestured towards a third armchair, closer to the fire.

He sat down, holding one hand out towards the warmth. “Astrid, I say this with all the respect in the world: what the fuck?”

“The advanced classes are in a delicate situation,” Astrid replied. “Professor Weber and I want as many of the Volstrucker program survivors back in school as possible. You are a better person to work with them than Bettina, and with any students who lost loved ones in the war. She told you her reasons, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“Aside from my lack of qualifications and the fact I never technically graduated from the Academy?”

“Bren, your practical experience outweighs all of that. Bettina will help you with the rest.”

“Astrid suggested you take the advanced students,” Wulf said casually, leafing through another tome as if he wasn’t throwing a bomb into the conversation.

Caleb felt an ache in his gut, and he had to close his eyes and compose himself. “Astrid. Why?”

“The Academy is about to throw those children into the world,” she replied quietly. “Whatever lessons you wish to impart, you have to impart them now. Not only that, but Bettina is not well-suited to teach survivors of the Volstrucker program. She has spent her entire life in the Academy. They will not take her seriously. Some may resent her for not doing something about the abuse happening right under her nose. She told you that.”

“How many survivors do you expect we will have?” asked Caleb.

“I am still trying to track them down,” Astrid replied, with an edge of frustration.

“I was meaning to talk to you about the Volstrucker.” Caleb had been racking his brain whenever he had the time and energy. There was no formal infrastructure to support the survivors of the program. If Caleb hadn’t met Veth, and then later the Nein, things could have gone very badly for him in so many different ways.

“Talk,” Astrid said.

“These people need help,” he said. “Unless we get that mental health support I asked for, we are effectively on our own. Even if the Assembly throws us crumbs, nobody can understand what it was like except others like us. We need to talk to each other. Regularly, if possible.”

Wulf’s eyes stopped scanning the page. “Do you really think Volstrucker will want to talk to each other about this shit?”

“Who else is there?” Caleb said plainly. “They--we deserve the chance to support each other. Regular meetings, if we can. A support group, I suppose. Low pressure. Just a group of people who understand each other going through yet another upheaval in a life filled with them.”

Astrid watched him closely, eyes narrowed in thought. “Interesting. I think I understand where this idea came from.”

“We got each other through a lot back in the day,” said Caleb. “But we weren’t equipped for it. There was no blueprint for what we were to each other, but we did our best. Until it wasn’t enough. And later, I had the Nein. I would not be here without them. I owe them everything. Not everyone has people like that.”

“I’ll find us a place and let you know,” Astrid said.

“Thank you.” Caleb had expected he would be a little emotional about it, so at least he was prepared to ward off tears. “Thank you so much.”

Astrid averted her eyes, gazing into the fire. “As for your job, most of the children in the program have been located. Some of their parents have pulled them out of school. I am… trying to talk them out of that. The last thing we need are traumatised, half-trained adolescents running around unchecked.”

Caleb was hung up on her wording. Most of the children had been found. “There are some unaccounted for?”

“Two. Felix and Nicolaus. They’re both seventeen.” Astrid didn’t need to point out why their age was a problem.

There was no time to panic; Caleb needed details. “What do we know about them?”

“I worked with them a little,” Astrid replied. “They are close, not unlike the three of us at their age. If we find one, we may find the other. They are from Blumenthal. The Crownsguard are keeping an eye out, but I do not trust them to handle this with the care this situation requires.”

“Specialisations?”

“Both Evocation.”

Caleb didn’t need to say aloud how bad this could be. Two missing Evocation wizards, on the edge of graduating the Volstrucker program, who had possibly had their memories modified and orders distributed. It had been a few months since Trent would have last had contact with them. The worst could already have happened. Then again, Caleb had been in Blumenthal not that long ago to visit his parents, and he hadn’t heard anything that would have given him pause.

“I was in Blumenthal a few weeks ago,” Caleb said. “If they followed through on an order, it was likely after that. I’d… like to think I would have noticed otherwise. Most people seem to agree that I am rather intelligent.” The dry humour probably wasn’t appropriate in this moment, but he needed to keep himself calm and sarcasm usually worked a treat. “In more recent times, I would assume word would have gotten back to you. Maybe we are not too late.”

“Optimism is a new look for you, Bren,” said Wulf.

Caleb would never call himself an optimist, but he could see why Wulf was uncomfortable, even if he hid it behind one part sarcasm and one part a veiled flirt. “Wulf, I have seen a lot of things in this past year alone that have… changed me. There was a time, not too long ago, when I did not expect to survive the week. And… look at us now. We are sitting here in Astrid’s office, reading Trent’s old books because he is stuck in a dark hole and cannot do anything to us. I spent the morning gardening with Yasha. My friends bought me a quilt because it reminded me of my mother. Things are better for me than they have been in a very long time. So, I am trying new things, like having hope sometimes.”

“Point taken,” Wulf murmured, averting his eyes. Tense. Uncomfortable.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything about the boys,” Astrid said. “Whatever happens… I think you should be there.

#shadowgast #caleb widogast #professor widogast #essek thelyss #astrid beck #eadwulf grieve #yasha nydoorin #fanfiction #critical role #cr2 #my fics #the pomegranate's professor widogast fic

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survivor-ingary · 3 years ago

Text

Rites of Passage

Keith: Wish we had more time to talk to each other, with time difference and going to the first tribal council of the season. That chance never came. Hope someday we play again.

Babs: It's giving Boy Mulan rn. Wish I could've at least said hi to you lmao

Dennis: We never met

Babs: Your vibes are lovely. I wish you could've stuck around longer :( 💔

Dennis: We never met

Keith: I’m you are a nice person but since you were so inactive, it was hard to get a conversation in the game with you. Hopefully you play again when u have the time.

Babs: Hi! We didn't get to talk at all lmao hope we get to next time!

Dennis: Hope everything is okay with you

Keith: I don’t know why we just didn’t click and spoke much. Even at our first tribal together we never got much of a conversation going. Sorry

Babs: 'm sorry, dude, I had 0 recollection that you were here when I missed my first tribal. Welp. What are ya gonna do?

Dennis: We never met

Keith: it was very sad to see you go especially for the reason you were being targeted for. The timing was unfortunate. Where three people came over after mutiny that were safe and people were very worried about you aligning with former Kyoshi cast members at merge. You never got the opportunity only to prove otherwise. I had hoped we could have worked longer in the game being OG Pendragon. Hopefully on another season. :)

Babs: Of all the votes I casted, I regret yours the most. I wish I could've kept you in, but it was the majority regardless of my choice. I hope we can talk after and reconnect. I love your vibe.

Dennis: Sorry Moth :( I hate that you were voted out but it’s not because of you, it’s the people that you would’ve worked with.

Babs: We didn't get to connect very much, but "m'theydy" will never not get me.

Dennis: You are a saturnian legend and you were robbed.

Keith: I wish you stayed longer with us and didn’t leave. In the time you were with us, I saw a friendly, happy and great person. Also a massive team player, who would be willing to color their hair for a challenge.

Babs: ROBBED. That's it, that's the whole rite. You deserved so much better, truly.

Dennis: Queen you were sooooo robbed. I wanted to work with you in this game and I am sorry that Anastasia and Brayden lied that hard to you to paint you a false scenario. You deserved so much better and I hope that one day we can see each other in another org :)

Keith: Just like you, your blindside was an iconic moment of this season. As much as I thought it was too soon for you to go but you putting a bigger target on yourself so that you don’t blindside people who you were loyal to, was going to make the situation hard. But There is no question about your loyalty hence I understand why you did what you did. But I wish we would rather choose a side then keep everyone happy and I wouldn’t have mind going with anyone at that point. I appreciate you for making the time and effort to connect with me at my pace. I hope you understand that It wasn’t a move against you but became a move for self preservation. Hope we can have a tea spilling party after this season.

Babs: Miss Shady Boots, I see you, ma'am. Wish I could've seen more of your mess this season. Hope to see you at Mary's one day :')

Dennis: King. I did you soooooooooooooooo dirty. I hope we can still play roblox after dis game. Once I heard from Ellie that you suspected me of wanting to work with Raffy it became very clear to me you were not going to trust me down the line. You were a threat who had to go, and I’m not sorry I voted you out but I am sorry about the way that I went about it.

Keith: This was a tough vote. I knew we didn’t have much of a game connection. I knew since I wouldn’t have the option to work long-term with you this season. I didn’t want to string you along on anything or give you any false hope unnecessarily because that would just be cruel. I honestly found you to be an amazing, down to earth and genuine person. Really wished we came together on an earlier tribe. Someone like you with such an amazing energy would be a great ally and friend. Whether, the game would go our way or not. It would still be a blast playing with you. Also, I know u don’t need it but the offer still stands. U ever feel anxiety and need a diversion. Call me anytime and anywhere, I will help anyway I can.

Babs: CEO of plants. Your vibes are immaculate. Please let's be friends after this.

Dennis: I wish you and I had developed a game relationship. We had a very strong personal relationship like I feel like we’d be friends in real life ya know? But in this game, you were working with people that ultimately did not work with me and I felt like your loyalty would ultimately never come to me. Sorry that it had to be that way youre still cool.

Keith: Never expected to see you go the way you did. You’re an awesome and sweet person. Excited to see you succeed on twitch and ready to support an amazing person like you in anything you decide to do. Drop that link.

Babs: Dennis constantly sings your praises, and any friend of his is a friend of mine. Drop that stream link asap.

Dennis: You forever changed my life when you told me I’m actually not a red head but a brunette. That’s wild. It was awesome to play with you and I’m sorry that you were voted out the way you were. It was very refreshing to play with someone who wasn’t coming from a survivor-strategy background. Stay awesome :)

Keith: I know based of the previous seasons. Your amazing to watch play the game. From your social ability to your executions of big moves, the fact that you never back down or give up, it is amazing. But all those attributes make it hell to play with you. I knew that you wanted to take me to the end because you could beat me. So day one I knew I would cut you sometime, but unlike last time. I needed to make sure that this time when I took a shot, under no circumstances I could miss. But getting rid of you was a decision that took into account only from events this season, I saw you subtly trying to push the narrative that I was not doing much in the game during tribal, to ensure I would have no chance to win. So I knew taking you out sooner would be better, which would deny you any chances of flipping things over. I thank you for supporting me through the initial start of the game and that immunity challenge (which I originally thought of sabotaging. So good call on doing it yourself). You’re a great competitor.

Babs: https://youtu.be/trRgAQ7L8mE

No, but really, your tone seems very pointed. I know that we're friends irl, but I'm not willing to get a strike for anyone unless they're dying. Also, my fellow finalists are fucking sick. I want us all to win. To hell w being a mess for once.

Keith: Firstly I just would ask for your forgiveness. I sat on that call, the night u left. N It was so fucking so hard, to see someone care about the game so much and stressing themselves for it, who would do anything to keep themselves in the game. I loved that passion. N I’m sorry in that moment I had no choice but to lie to you. You were a strong player. I don’t know if it’s the red hair, but you look like an evil genius, whom I hope, I get to play with someday.

Babs: She's giving Captain Brayden Morgan rn, we love to see it. It was fun to have a not-so-cutthroat round w you for once! Cheers!

Dennis: Literally we will never be compatible to work together in a game. Two completely different types of logic. And I am at peace with that.

Keith: I am really sorry about your vote out. It was the one time that I didn’t know a flip was happening, I appreciate you still putting your faith in me during the game at that point, Wish I could have done better.

Babs: Miss Beverly Hills, I will admit, some premerge tea w spilled w me that didn't sit right w my spirit. I don't want it to be something that spreads and comes off as something that precedes your reputation in the community. Some pearls of wisdom from a messy bitch, themself.

Dennis: I really enjoyed our lil talks and happy to help you figure out your rising sign. I wish that fire you had at the beginning of the game stayed lit.

Keith: I really hope you don’t hate me. I genuinely believed you played a great game and you would win if you got to the end. I worked my way in with Dennis, so that he would have more loyalty to me. I can say that after kindergarten, in comparison to my age. You’re the only little girl I am afraid off. Also I stan you for supporting Riley in the instant tribal that way you did and for your Kind heart. Queen Move.

Babs: Miss Country Costco, our vibes aligned from the moment we started to talk! You were a target from the jump, and rightfully so. You're a tough cookie, who still manages to smile and get a laugh out of the rest of us. Never change, except for the boiled peanut thing. Ew, you weirdo. LMAO ❤

Dennis: You’re an icon and my favorite person to have met. It has been fun to enable each other’s chaos and play this game messy. Super fun to strategize with you and our long talks were also a blast. Sorry that it ended the way that it did, but we will be friends after dis I know it :)

Keith: My fellow timezone challenged brother. Words are not enough to describe what an amazing human being you are. I am so grateful to have met you and can’t wait for the game to end so I get to talk to you. My connection with you may have taken more time to develop than with Dennis, But it was a true connection throughout. And no matter what people say, you played an amazing game and I really thought you could win in the end. Officially a lifetime member of the Kenneth Fan Club.Miss Country Costco, our vibes aligned from the moment we started to talk! You were a target from the jump, and rightfully so. You're a tough cookie, who still manages to smile and get a laugh out of the rest of us. Never change, except for the boiled peanut thing. Ew, you weirdo. LMAO ❤

Babs: My dear cousin in colonization, there should've been a final 4, and that's the truth. But, as most things go, that's just not the fantasy that played out irl. Your vibes are fantastic, and I love a gay who laughs at every thing I do. It boosts my ego. Really, it does. Keep in touch!

Dennis: I truly felt like sometimes we were the same person. I’ve appreciated and admired your ability to strategize and critically think. You’re one hell of a game player and I wish you had won an immunity or two because I know how bad you wanted it. I know you’re gonna shine in every org that you play because you are a king. You are a kitty cat. You are zaddy.

#rites of passage

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pandawritesmanythings · 4 years ago

Text

Loki x Reader (Medieval AU)

Chapter Summary: And so the dilemma begins...

Warnings: None, I believe

Word Count: 2,105k

A/N: Sorry about the couple of weeks of inactivity, it been busy on my side, but I love this sotry and I’ll keep updating! Don’t worry about it!

Masterlist

"What do you mean by that?" Loki asked, glaring daggers at his father.

"I mean you can't tell her."

"Why?" He cocked his head in defiance. "Are you scared you won't be able to control her?"

"Despite being an heiress, she is still a princess, and princesses tend to... Chew more than they can bite." Odin said simply as if bored by the conversation.

"So you just hide information from her? You know she will become your daughter in law, right?"

"Does that mean you have accepted your role in the alliance?"

"I always have, ever since you forced my hand. But don't try to make this about me. You know what she would do if she had that information, don't you?"

"We can't have her leaving. Until you two are wed, none of you will take a step out of this palace, and if I find that either of you did, I'm dissolving this marriage right now. I do not care if Midgard falls. After all, they say to keep your enemies closer."

...

"So?" You raised an eyebrow as his eyes searched your face, his own devoid of expression.

Loki's gears were turning. What could he say? He needed your trust to keep his side of the deal, but he also knew the consequences of going against his father's wishes. He wouldn't be here if he didn't recognize the power he held.

"We're still waiting on confirmation. But I'll let you know as soon as we have conclusive intel." He said.

True. It wasn't a conclusive answer, but it was an answer nonetheless. He wasn't lying, really, he just needed clearance to reveal the facts.

He noticed your expression hardening. It was strange, you had acted serious, but right now you looked borderline angry.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. As soon as this is confirmed, I promise I will personally come and tell you."

You relaxed just a little at that. "I'll hold you to that."

With a soft huff, you hit the pillows behind you and relaxed in the window seat. Looking out the glass you saw the unwavering sea. You had never been so close to it, at least not until the night when you came to Asgard. It hadn't been that long ago, but you wondered if you could go there again.

Loki saw your expression. He pretended not to notice it though. His mind was still slightly panicky from almost failing to secure your trust. At least in his head. His expression, or lack thereof, made you none the wiser.

"Have you ever seen the sea up close, princess?" He asked without even looking at you, his eyes also fixated on the sea.

"Only once..."

He risked a glance at you to find you still fixated on the shoreline below. "What about a walk down the sea tomorrow?"

You perked up at that, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Really?"

"If you wish." He smirked.

A shadow crossed your face. "I don't think that would be a good idea..."

"Why is that?"

"My brother. He will be arriving soon, and I'd rather be here for him when he arrives."

Loki nodded. "That's understandable." He adjusted on his seat. "Then let me make a proposition. Once your brother has arrived, I shall take you both on a stroll. After all, I would like to speak to the boy myself."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "As long as you don't place a dagger by his neck everything will be fine."

"If he is anything like you, I would be willing to bet that he has his own." He smirked teasingly.

"Oh, and even if he doesn't, you can bet that I do." You teased back.

"I would not expect less from you, princess." He smirked, the title sounding more like a nickname coming from his mouth.

"We'll reunite then. If that's okay with you."

"Of course," He replied, and then took your hand to plant a kiss on top of your hand. "It will be an honor to get to know your brother, and formally present you to our beautiful shoreline."

You smiled in agreement. "I will wait expectantly." You stood to leave but turned before heading to the door. "When should we reconvene to discuss the book?"

"Next week will probably be busy for both of us. Let's set a date once things have winded down..."

"Perfect. But I hope you know I'll finish it anyway." You teased him.

"In that case, I will look forward to hearing your input."

"And I look forward to hearing your opinions."

You finally departed, it was almost time for lunch. Time flew by, and you didn't exactly notice, did you?

With a quick final goodbye, you left the library and began heading towards your room to freshen up before lunch with the royal family. Steve hot in your trail.

"Your majesty," He called you when you were about to enter your room. "Can we talk?"

"Is there an issue?"

Don't say nothing about yesterday. Don't say nothing about yesterday. Don't say nothing about yesterday. Don't say nothing about yesterday. Don't-

"I was worried about you yesterday. I couldn't find you anywhere. No-one knew where you were."

...

"Thank you for worrying, but I was fine. I just got lost in the gardens yesterday. Nothing to worry about."

"Still," His tone was filled with worry. "At least give me heads up beforehand, or let me accompany you. I'm charge of your safety, after all. Your father would have my head if something happened to you." He said that last part with a smile on his lips and warmness in his tone.

He really cared, didn't he?

"He would. I know." You smiled, but you tried to convey with your eyes the conflict in you, "However, I want you to trust me that I can take care of myself."

"I never said you couldn't, but we're still in unknown territory. Some people may even be hostile. I can't risk you getting hurt."

"Steve, you trained me. You know the roughness of my hands, the battles we've had to fight together, you know that if it came down to it I can fight."

"That's the thing. I don't want it to come down to it. People out there can be dangerous, but sometimes I worry even more when you are by yourself inside the palace walls."

Was he hiding something? It looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. Did he know something you didn't?

"Then help me understand." You softly placed a hand over his arm, encouraging him to speak.

"I-I can't." He turned away from you. "Sorry. Everything I do is because I want to keep you safe."

You wanted to believe, you really did, that it was more than just him having to uphold his duties. That maybe you had a place in his heart, but...

"So you're not going to tell me anything?"

You sounded way more stern than you meant, but it did the job because he met your eyes again.

"I can't."

"So you'd left me unprepared. Ignorant that there is anything that may cause me harm. I am only defenseless without knowledge, but I understand how hard it must be to not be able to keep me on a tight leash."

Your words were sarcastic. It hurt you in your heart to say them out loud, especially to someone who had been with you ever since you both were little. They tasted bitter, but they were necessary. What other way was there to keep yourself informed? You knew Steve, he was stubborn, like you. He was never going to slip you information if he thought it would protect you. But if his defenses were down, then maybe...

You turned to head inside your room.

"A chroí..." He called suddenly.

His nickname for you.

You turned to find him gazing worriedly at you. He had recently grown a beard, and you had to admit that it looked really nice on him. With his partially open lips, you wondered how it would feel to touch it.

"Please, don't misunderstand me. I know you're strong. I know you don't need me to care for yourself. I know. I trained you, I know that better than anyone. Even your father." He began getting closer, just a few steps away, and the distance kept reducing slowly.

"But I want to care for you. Not because you are weak, or incapable of doing it yourself but because-"

He stopped himself. Like he couldn't get those words through his lips.

"Because?" You encouraged him, closing the distance some more and squeezing his arm encouragingly.

He looked into your eyes. His blue eyes... They looked at you with such warmness. No one had ever looked at you like that but Steve. It was different from the warmness that your father showed you, or Pepper, or even Peter. This made you feel safe in an entirely different way and made you feel warm, starting with your cheeks all the way down to your toes.

It seemed like an eternity had passed with how you both stared at each other, but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds when-

Steve pecked your lips.

It was quick. Fleeting. He might as well not have done it, because it was so fast that it took you a second to process it.

Without looking back you pushed the door to your room open. Wanda was already out getting lunch with Vis, and Sigyn was busy with lunch around this hour.

You both entered the room in synchronization and Steve closed it without breaking eye contact. Not that you really wanted him to.

As soon as the door was closed, you cautiously approached him again. There was nothing in the world but you and him at that moment. You took a moment to closely examine his face, feel the softness of his beard. Play with the falling locks on his forehead. He placed his hand delicately on your hips.

Once again you both closed the distance and ended up on a kiss. However, this one was not a peck. It was a full-on kiss.

You were both inexperienced in this. That much was obvious. You knew for a fact that Steve had never kissed anyone, ever. And you hadn't either. So you began with simply pecking each other's lips and from time to time staying locked on the kiss for longer. Until you decided to do something a little bolder a begin kissing his bearded jawline and began kissing his neck.

He let out a soft sigh, and guiding you face with your hand he made you look at him.

"Sorry, I know that I should be more experienced. Give you a proper first kiss but..."

"No Steve. It's alright. This is perfect." You smiled softly.

A knock suddenly woke you both up from your daze.

You shot him a panicked glance and mouthed: Stand here.

Quickly, you fixed your hair to make sure everything looked good.

"Your majesty?" A voice came from outside. "May I come in?"

You sat at your vanity, which was far from Steve and the door.

"Yes. You may."

The door opened to reveal a young girl, no more than 16.

"The Queen has requested that you attend lunch with her. I am to take you to her."

"That's alright, I was just speaking with Captain Roger's about some security matters. I will be with you in just a moment." You quickly lied.

"Alright, I will wait outside." The girl said, and then she closed the door.

You both let out a quiet sigh.

Distance. Yes. That was best.

After all, what oN EARTH WERE YOU THINKING! You were engaged! It is true that you would rather be with the man in front of you, but you had agreed on this! Both you and Loki were losing a lot! You couldn't betray his trust like that! You both said that you had to leave the ones with the key to your hearts behind. It had been a mutual understanding.

Your mind kept plaguing you. It kept condemning about what had happened, and what could have happened if the Queen hadn't called for you.

Steve cleared his throat. "I shall go, Princess."

"Yes. We will... Discuss this matter some other time."

And then he left. Leaving you confused and broken-hearted.

Now not only you had to worry about your engagement. But you also knew that Steve reciprocated your affections.

And for that single reason, he couldn't stay here much longer.

TAG LIST:

@chxrryycola - @midnightmystic - @deathkat657 - @thatonefangirl111 - @smolbitch2006 - @roguewraith

#loki fanfic #loki x reader #steve x reader #loki #loki x sigyn #medievalau #medieval!au #loki odinson #odin

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peachymess · 4 years ago

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I see you like rdr, and I saw your post about Jamie. Do you think that Mary actually loves Arthur or that she only uses him? I think she only uses him because she knows he’s madly in love with her... it’s sad, but I feel like she’s kind if like Dutch when it comes to using Arthur for their own benefits, what do you think? I’m sorry if you don’t do asks like these, then you can just leave it be :)

Don’t be sorry - I love talking about rdr! And I don’t think there are any asks I don’t “do” - except for the obvious trolls - nowadays I’m more responsive the less time or mental effort it takes for me to answer, due to my all consuming personal projects. I have some really interesting asks I sadly haven’t found the headspace to sit down and devote the time to that they deserve. So what I’m trying to say is: I greatly appreciate when people send me asks, and my inactivity is not a sign towards the opposite. Thank you for the ask!

Anyways! I may be a very naive man, but I want to believe that Mary does love Arthur. I have my issues with the way she’s treated him at times, but I believe these instances have been a tell towards her character rather than a sign of deliberate, unfeeling manipulation.

We have to realize what it means that Mary and Arthur had such differing social statuses. Mary’s father was strongly against their relationship, and I believe this is a lot more important than it initially sounds. Today, the demand for people to see others as equals, has much stronger legs to stand on. A young woman will likely feel less alone and socially endangered by standing by her socially poorer love interest today, than back then. Marrying down, could cost her a lot more back then too - being disowned by family was a bigger risk, as well as all upscale social circles turning their back on you with so you can’t recover and prove them wrong.

Before I start giving a lecture on historical social differences that I in no way am qualified to give, I’ll just summarize instead: Mary had all her wealth, all her connections, social life, and a safe future to lose by sticking with Arthur. Her father would not come around and I’m confident he would not give her another cent of his fortune. Being poor back then, could mean your death.

Her father was also an imposing and allegedly abusive. She could feel threatened by that fact alone, to marry within her own social status’ circle.

But more: Arthur wasn’t just poor; he was an outlaw. A criminal. Whether Mary understands what morals the Van der Linde gang sought to follow or not, the world would not. He lived a life she’s neither comfortable with, not wishes to take part in. She seemed to love him despite it, not because of it - and I’m sure her daydreams consisted of a life in which she managed to reform him and pull him out of this. That he could be molded into a good husband who lives an honest albeit hardworking life.

As much as she loves him, we have to respect the fear she must feel involving herself in this kind of lawless company. I’m sure she’s teetered a lot on that fence of “I love this man - but this life is dangerous and I could lose it all and the whole thing makes my alarm bells ring”. She probably second guessed herself a lot. What is the right choice? The love of her life but a nightmare life? Can she pull him out of it? Will her attempt to make it work with him only damn her? Or will she damn herself by giving up on true love? IS it true love to begin with? Can it last?

My favorite aspect of their tragic love story is that Mary probably was battling quite a bit of embarrassment regarding her young, wild lover. With all their money and posh life, I’m sure Arthur broke a lot of unwritten social rules without knowing it. Like not knowing what cutlery to use to what dish, if he ever got to eat at her house. He probably couldn’t tell that he smelled strongly of wet horse, sweat and dirt, while Mary would fight to keep her embarrassment over this in check when he came knocking and someone else opened. I can picture her not minding him and all his rough ways when they were alone, but that as soon as she had to vouch for him in front of other members of her posh circle, all his flaws would be her own personal shame to vouch for.

And you know, it’s sad, but I can’t judge her too harshly for being human. I definitely think there is a shame-aspect to their difficulties. Especially when they were younger. Which could have helped to sway Mary towards Barry Linton rather than Arthur in the end, together with everything else.

But I think in the end, she definitely did love him. She went to his grave - what gain did that have for her? We see her looking around as though she doesn’t want anyone to see her there. One guess could be that a woman of her status and class being seen mourning by the grave of a notorious criminal (in the eyes of the world at large, that’s all he was, in afraid) is unflattering to her reputation to say the least. I feel like this theory is strengthened by the fact that if you play as low honor, she does NOT show up at his grave - in which narrative, he was such a baddie that Mary perhaps saw it as best to forget him because her feelings couldn’t outweigh the immorality of his character and thus it would be way too damaging for her to be seen mourning him. I really do think she struggled with the immorality of the life that followed Arthur as his baggage.

Not to mention, they planned to run away again. I think she would have given it a shot. Could they have worked out? I don’t know. Arthur seemed to think there was no other way of living in him than this, but he does show by the end that he is capable of change. I could see a happy life for him, with Mary.

... all this being said, I do think Mary happens to benefit unfairly from Arthur’s blind devotion, though. And I think she’s aware of it, but she’s too weak not to take the hand that’s offered. She knows it’s not nice of her to ask - I think her letters also show some of her remorse for getting Arthur tangled back into this thing of theirs, where love and pain is so inseparably intertwined. But... I don’t think she’s any more master of her turbulent feelings in this, than Arthur. They love each other, but hurt from how they turned out, and hurt from dreaming about a second chance and hurt from giving it up.

I think the reason I struggled with Mary to begin with, was that I so desperately wanted something better for Arthur. I wanted him to have the woman he wanted, with no pain, and a safe and good future. I wanted happiness for him so bad. And because Mary is no more a rock in their relationship than he is, I saw her as an emotional turbulence who kept causing Arthur pain - for an outcome that wasn’t worth the rocky road it took to get there.

But I have come to realize that they are very equal, and she’s hurt too. They’ve had different POVs and different reasons for struggle, but it all boils down to the same: they can’t let each other go because they love each other too deeply, but their ways of life are so different that they can’t come together. Like oil and water.

C’mon. She kept his engagement ring for years and years - even as she married a different man (which wasn’t fair to Barry either). There’s clearly some emotion in her about him. She’s clearly not perfect; she’s weak and thus can even be called selfish. But she’s just human in the end. I can’t imagine the conflicting emotions she must have felt when she heard rumors that indicated Arthur - the man she was engaged to and continued to love even years after they broke contact - was close by, by sheer luck and coincidence. Her husband had died, her father had gone to the dogs, and her little brother was depressed and had run off somewhere she couldn’t talk him back from... and here comes Arthur again. I don’t know if I would have the emotional strength and mental high ground NOT To seek out Arthur’s comforting presence either.

..... what I’m really really actually truthfully trying to say is that I believe it could have been possible, and I wish Arthur could have had a happy future with Mary instead of having to die like that. And yes I’ve been on the verge of crying ever since I started typing.

#arthur morgan #mary linton #mary gillis #rdr2

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survivormetaverse · 3 years ago

Text

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me!

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing.

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal.

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active.

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

#episode #episodes

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shionnes-imeris · 4 years ago

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HACYWEEK DAY 5: ‘MUCH MORE’

prompt is: what if?

summary: what if, when marisol vera enlisted harry greenwood's help, she found out more than she bargained for?

read on ao3, or under the read more.

“Be careful with her. She can’t remember any of this.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

Confident that her instructions had been relayed clearly, and with a heavy weight in her heart, Marisol opened the pocket watch that functioned as a portal. On the other side of the curtain, the make-shift barrier that kept her daughter shielded from her eyes, and most importantly, alive, Marisol could hear the beginnings of conversation.

Now was her chance to make an exit, before Harry wiped Macy’s memories, and she forgot this entire evening had even happened. Marisol paused, and looked back – one last fleeting look at the silhouette of her eldest daughter, before she activated the portal, and walked through.

With her feet safely planted in the attic, Marisol let herself process what had just happened. The enormity of the evening hit her all of a sudden, the regret and guilt she felt threatened to bubble up to the surface. Giving Macy up, all those years ago, was the most difficult thing she’d ever had to do.

Or it had been until tonight. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to take her baby girl into her arms and soothe her, take her pain and terror and confusion away. Tonight was one of the best, and worst, of her entire life.

Marisol closed her eyes tightly, at the thought, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. She held a hand up to her mouth, and shook her head.

It was late, now, and she couldn’t cry out, not unless she wanted to risk alerting a still-sleeping Mel and Maggie that something was wrong.

They couldn’t know. At least not yet.

After a few moments, and some deep breaths, Marisol resolved that she had done the right thing. The right thing in hiding herself behind a thin sheet, only able to hold her daughter’s hand, if only it kept the fire away for that little bit longer.

It wasn’t time yet.

And so wiping Macy’s memories was the least Marisol thought she could do for her. A mercy, she rationalised. Though she couldn’t do it herself, she was confident she’d left Macy in capable hands, nonetheless.

One of the few whitelighter’s without a charge, Harry Greenwood was the best candidate, in Marisol’s mind. The Elders, apart from Charity – and even that was few and far between since the incident with Fiona – didn’t keep tabs on him, inactive as he was. The Elders wouldn’t think to question it.

As if he could sense her thinking about him, Harry orbed into the attic, just a few moments later. Marisol, relieved, rushed over.

“It’s done, ma’am,” Harry said, hands folded behind his back, and regarding her with a respectful nod. “Macy is none the wiser of what she’s discovered, though the assurances you’ve left her will linger on.”

Marisol closed her eyes, in silent relief, glad that her daughter would have a chance to live the life she was meant to; before it would inevitably be thrown into flux when she and her sisters discovered their birth right.

“Thank you, Harry,” Marisol said, with a nod of her own. “Now, I know this whole evening has been unorthodox, and you’ll have questions, but I’m afraid I’ll have to wipe your memories too.”

She cringed a little, but Harry was a whitelighter to the last, and didn’t look phased at all by what she said. Though he was by the book, he also knew discretion. It was another reason that she’d trusted him with this.

“Of course, Elder Vera,” he said, with a small, almost resigned, smile.

It only served to make Marisol feel even worse. But it was necessary.

“You’ll never know how grateful I am, Harry,” Marisol said, quietly, placing a hand on his forearm, ghosting the other over his temple, as he closed his eyes.

She muttered the words of the spell; not as precise as a whitelighter’s memory-erasing abilities, but good enough to get the job done.

With the last casting of the memory spell complete, Marisol went to remove her hands, but found herself being pulled into a familiar trance, instead. She knew, immediately, it was her power of foresight; a premonition.

But why now? Why-

The backyard of the manor was strung up with lights and flowers. An arch stood at the end of the garden, and the sun shone blazingly overhead. At the top of the steps a giggling Maggie, and smiling Mel, walked forward, together. They wore matching dresses, a liliac that complimented the sunshine, and flower crowns on their heads.

Marisol couldn't be sure, but somehow she was. This was the perfect day for a wedding.

Shortly after her sisters, Macy emerged from the patio doors, looking calm and serene. She wore a white dress, with a crown of flowers set atop her beautiful curls, similar to those her sisters wore.

She walked carefully, but with excitement in her steps. Yes, the sun was bright, but her smile was even brighter. In fact, Marisol thought that it put the sun to shame.

Mel and Maggie reached the end of the makeshift altar; where a man waited. The groom. His back was turned, and so Marisol had no idea of his identity, though Mel and Maggie smiled at him, warmly.

Maggie did a thumbs up in his direction, while Mel laughed, swatting her sister’s hands to her sides.

The man finally turned around, showing his face, his eyes full of adoration for Macy, who walked towards him, until she finally joined him at the end of the aisle.

It was-

“Elder Vera, are you alright?”

Marisol almost jumped out of her skin. The premonition was so clear, so vivid, and in front of her was the man she’d just seen.

Harry Greenwood; a whitelighter.

A very confused whitelighter, Marisol quickly recalled; her memory spell had already taken effect. To him, he was in front of her, in the manor’s attic, with no clear idea of how or why he’d arrived there.

Marisol smiled placidly; even though he looked confused, he also looked concerned. She waved a dismissive hand away, hoping that the spell had done its job right.

“I thought I would need a whitelighter, and the Elders sent you, don’t you remember?” she lied, the memory she’d implanted, hopefully taking effect.

For a moment, she wondered if her premonition had somehow tampered with the spell, but was quickly relieved, when Harry sighed in recognition.

“Of course,” he said, nodding his head. “It’s just, you were in some sort of trance. Did you have a premonition? Do you still need me to be here?”

Marisol shook her head, and smiled softly.

“No, no,” she said. “I'm simply tired. You’re free to go. Thank you, Harry.”

Harry gave a customary nod of his head, and turned, to orb away from the attic.

Once he was gone, Marisol wandered over to the couch and sat down. She put her head in her hands, and bleary-eyed, tried to work through the events of this whole night. From the moment Dexter called her, the night had taken surreal turn after surreal turn. After twenty years of not seeing her daughter, she’d held her hand, reassured her in how to restrain the powers that might burn her.

To make things even stranger, she'd foreseen Macy's wedding day.

Her wedding day, to a whitelighter no less.

Marisol sighed; it was a lot to take in in one night.

Witch-whitelighter relationships weren’t exactly unheard of, but they were forbidden, and so marriages most certainly were. Marisol wondered how so much could change, in whatever time had passed in her vision, to make that day possible.

It certainly didn’t look like an elopement, done away from the Elders’ reproachful gaze. It was joyous, and open; not secretive, and hurried - as others had attempted before.

There was so much to think about, but time marched on, and she had an early start the next morning at the university. Not to mention, making sure Maggie got to school on time, and helping Mel with her undergrad work.

Marisol stood from the couch, and wandered to the alcove where she kept the Book of Shadows hidden, just in case the girls found themselves in the attic for some reason. She traced the spine of the book, contemplatively.

One day, her daughters would come into their powers. On that day, she wasn’t sure if she would still be walking in the land of the living. In any case, they’d need a whitelighter, to guide them.

Marisol wondered if, perhaps, a force more powerful than even her, an Elder, guided her decision tonight to involve a whitelighter; this whitelighter. It could be a coincidence, but in magic those were few and far in-between. Everything happened for a reason. Marisol knew that.

After all, there was one thing that her vision told her, it was that Harry Greenwood seemed destined to be that whitelighter.

And to Macy...

Well, he would be so much more.

#hacyweek #charmed #harry x macy #hacy #caitlin's fics #charmed (2018)#otp: i don't want to waste any more time not being with him

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queenlists · 5 years ago

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hell’s heir

A/N: My laptop busted as soon as I made a post which is why I’ve been pretty inactive, but we are back and better than ever at 124. Thank you to everyone for the support and patience. I really appreciate it! If you have any requests, shoot them my way. I really hope this doesn’t happen ever again haha! I really hope you enjoy this fic that should’ve been up in February. Masterlist is at the bottom like always. Enjoy! ✌

Post Date: 03/16/2020

“I want you to stay!” Dean yelled from directly behind me, slamming the door shut with one hand before I could leave. Dean was so close that I could smell the beer spill into the air as he heaved. His body warm against mine. His heart thudding quickly. Tightening my hand around the suitcase handle, I sniffed up the tears that were threatening to fall. “Stay with us please, (Y/n). Just stay,” Dean whimpered. I shook my head before reaching for the doorknob. Dean grabbed my hand and twirled me around to face him, red in the face with tears in his eyes. “Why? Why can’t you wait until we’re back home again? I promise this is the last time!” Dean cried out, holding onto my hand tighter with every word. I tore my hand away from him “You both always say it’s the last hunt! You always say one more time. One more case. One more. It’s always one more, Dean! You both always say you hate the hunting life. I want better for us. All three of us! I’m giving you two an out, why can’t you take that?” “I promise you when we come back, it’s done. We’re done with this life and we can all live our apple pie life. Just this last time, okay? It’ll be a three-day case. Three days, I promise!” Sam promised, reaching out for my suitcase. “Sammy and I have all of the information already and we have leads. In and out then done! Please give us this last case,” Dean pleaded, tears escaping his eyes and falling down his face. Looking at the two clearly heartbroken boys, I sighed letting my tears flow down “Okay, one last case!” I hissed at the boys before pulling them both in for a hug.

“One last time!” Dean and Sam yelled back at me with a smile on their faces from Baby. I blew the brothers a kiss before waving Dean and Sam goodbye until Baby disappeared into the open road. “One last time, Winchesters,” I smiled to myself before going back inside.

“Pick up! How do three days turn into three weeks?” I screamed into the phone before hanging up to call right back for the tenth time. I called and called, screaming into the receiver each time until Dean and Sam’s voicemails were both full. This was not like them. I felt myself begin to break down as I lost my mind, thinking of the absolute worst situations. “Hello, darling!” I rolled my eyes as I heard the familiar voice. “What did you do to them, Crowley? If you or any of your little minions hurt them, I swear I will have to kill you all! ” my voice cracked as I felt my throat tighten. “Oh, come on now. That’s no way to speak to your father!” Crowley chuckled.

-----------

Crowley led me to where the boys were being kept. The demons staring at me, their eyes black as I passed them. I knew each and every one of them. I knew they were all disappointed in me for choosing the Winchesters over my father. Over them. Over my family, but I did what I had to do. What my heart told me to do.

"(Y/n)? Why are you summoning me? Any luck with those Winchesters?" My back turned to the demon, I hung my head low as tears fell down my face "Asher, tell my father that I'm not coming home. Tell him I'm not hurting those boys. Tell him I'm done!" With a wave of the hand, the demon was gone. My heart ached as I thought about my father’s reaction, regret seeping into my soul. My dad had always been there for me, but love always wins.

“I’m not like you,” I declared, refusing to look at my father. “Oh, really?” Crowley snickered. “I changed,” I sighed “They’re my friends,” I bit my lip as I felt tears prick my eyes. Even though his ways disgusted me, I love him. He’s my father after all. “I know, sweetheart. I figured you made friends when you turned your tracker off. May I say that I was not all that surprised when you sent that little message home to me. It wasn’t the fact that my child left the nest unexpectedly that hurt, but the betrayal hurt. You know just like I do that I could never hurt you, so you’re just going to have to hurt yourself.” I looked up at Crowley, knitting my eyebrows together with wonder as he led me into a dark, cold room. I could hear chains rattling as I heard muffled voices. Suddenly, the bright fluorescent lights hummed to life revealing Dean and Sam tied up with rope and duct tape covering their mouths. Dean and Sam both wiggled around, their voices getting louder as they realized it was me. Smiling, I began to run to them only to be grabbed by Crowley. The boys started to yell and rock themselves, trying to get loose. Their faces going red and the veins in their bodies pronouncing themselves. “Oh shut up! (Y/n) is fine,” Crowley yelled, sighing to himself. “They never shut up! They never stop fighting me! I’ve had them here for weeks and they still won’t stop. How do you deal with them? Especially that Dean!” Crowley spat, looking at Dean with disapproval in his eyes. “I don’t tie them up for starters,” I rolled my eyes at Crowley, shoving him away from me before running to the boys. I quickly took off the duct tape from their mouths but left them tied up, in fear of what they may do to me when they find out the truth.

“I was worried about you two! I left so many messages,” I smiled as the two brothers looked at each other without saying a word. My smile slowly faded away as they remained silent and simultaneously looked at me. “How did you know where we were?” Dean sniffled, looking down “Why are you so comfortable with Crowley and being in a warehouse full of demons?” I stared at Dean with my mouth wide open, not knowing what to say. Gulping, I looked to Sam who was clenching his jaw staring at me, his eyes filled to the brim with hurt. I tore my eyes from Sam’s to Crowley’s who was standing there with his arms crossed and a satisfied grin spread across his face as he watched his plan to destroy me unfold. I looked back to the boys who were both staring at me with red-rimmed eyes. “Tell me I’m wrong and you’re not one of them!” Sam cried out, sniffling. “Sam, I’m not like them!” I began to walk closer to Sam but stumbled back when Dean began to growl, rocking and wiggling himself. “Stay away from my brother!” Dean snapped at me, his face red and his eyes black with anger. “All this time? All this time, you lied to us? Pretending that you found us by chance? Pretending that you were lost and hurt?” Sam shook his head, tears sliding down his face. “No! It’s not like that.” I cried out as I tried to walk closer to them in hopes of calming them down, but was stopped by Crowley. “You’re just like them, aren’t you? We trusted you! We brought you back to the bunker, thinking we saved you. Little did we know, we fell for your trap,” Dean screamed at me. Sobbing, I sucked in air as I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate “N-no, it’s not like that!” Crowley pulled me into his chest as he stroked my hair and back. Closing my eyes, I cried into my father’s chest holding onto him for dear life.

Smirking as I saw the boys leave their hotel room and pack their bags into their car, I could not believe how easy these boys could be found. Cracking my knuckles and neck, I shook out all of my energy as I prepared to do my helpless damsel in distress skit. No one turns down a weeping defenseless person, now do they? "I need help!" I gasped out breathlessly, limping to the boys before holding onto Sam's arm tightly. "Hey! Are you okay?" Sam held me up as I went limp in his arms. Dean's eyes darted around, his face riddled with worry as he prepared to fight. "Let's take them to the bunker. They're out cold," Sam hoisted me onto his shoulder as he carried me to the car. Keeping my eyes closed, I heard the brothers going back and forth trying to figure out what they should do. "Make sure they're human, Sammy!" Before Sam could move, I jolted up coughing and shaking violently "W-where am I? Who are you?!" I yelled, looking wildly between Dean and Sam. "We're taking you to a safe place, okay? Just relax!" Dean looked back at me from the driver's seat, giving me a small sincere smile. Sitting back, I caught my breath and calmed myself down as I watched Sam put the test supplies away. I coughed back a laugh “Stupid boys” I muttered to myself, examining my freshly manicured nails.

“You weren’t sobbing when you were setting us up, were you?” Dean scoffed. “Enough!” Crowley’s voice boomed through the room “Do not yell at my child!” Everything went silent. The world seemed to stop. My heart dropped as I heard a nearly silent “Child?” come from Sam and a loud "Son of a bitch!" come from Dean. “This isn’t nearly as fun as I thought it’d be,” Crowley mumbled, holding me tighter. “Why dad? Why’d you have to do this?” I sniffled, feeling defeated as the tears kept flowing and my heart broke into even smaller pieces. “I wanted you home. The Winchesters can’t protect you. Not like I can,” Crowley’s voice cracked a little before he cleared his throat. I stayed silent, listening to my father choke on his words for the first time. “They fed me, clothed me, and provided me with everything I needed and wanted without a second thought. They never asked for anything in return. They offered me the world with a smile. I tried, daddy, I did. I really did. I tried to kill them, but I just...I just couldn't,"

This week was fun, but I had to complete this mission. I was always done within twenty four hours, but the Winchesters weren’t the monsters they were painted out to be. Yes, they killed a lot of my friends but they were gentle behind the scenes. I could just call my dad over. I could just put my tracker back on, but the only right way to do this is to do it myself. If anyone was going to kill them, it was going to be me. Quick and as painless as possible. Wrapping my fingers around the gun with a finger on the trigger, I aimed at the sleeping boys. My heart thudding in my chest as my brain screamed for me to stop. Waves of remorse and sadness crashed over me as my hands began to shake. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. At that moment, I couldn’t see myself living past this point if I were to kill them. At that moment, I realized I felt love and nothing but love for them. Dropping my arm, I let out a gasp of air that I didn’t even know I was holding. Tears clouded my vision as I looked up once again at the two sleeping boys who took me in, took care of me, and showed me love from the very start. “I can’t do this!” I shook my head, running out of the room.

"Will you give them a chance? If they even forgive me,” I whimpered, looking up at my father’s watery eyes. Crowley nodded, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

Taking a deep breath, I turned from my father to Dean and Sam showing them my demon form. Tears flowing from Sam’s eyes as he shook his head in disbelief. Dean stared at me with cold and disapproving eyes, clenching his jaw. “I’m still me. I didn’t force my way into a meat suit. This is all me! I was sent to kill you both, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Yeah, I lied about being lost and I lied about my backstory. I didn’t lie when I told you both that you were my family. I didn’t lie when I told you both that I love you. I am so sorry for what I’ve done. I know I’ve lost your trust, but I want to show you both that I truly care. I want that normal life with both of you,” I cried, looking at the boys as I continued to explain my point and pour my heart out to them. Sam was nodding as his mouth twitched into a smile. Dean clenched his jaw, staring at me with cold dull eyes. “It’s hard to forgive you when you have us tied up still,” Dean growled, interrupting my repetitive apology. Holding back a sob, I rushed over to both of them and carefully untied them. “Do you forgive me?” I bit my lip as I looked from Sam to Dean and back again. “Of course,” Sam sighed, his eyebrows knitting together as he wrapped me up into a tight bear hug. When Sam finally let me go, I turned to Dean. Dean started walking closer to me with a smirk on his face, his eyes still cold “I was thinking about you this whole time that Sammy and I were tied up here in your daddy’s hideout. I was hoping we supplied enough food for you to last. I was hoping you were safe. I was wondering if you left by now or stayed. I was hurt at the thought of you wondering why Sam and I never came home. Wondering if we had been killed or just abandoned you,” Dean exhaled sharply through his nose, shaking his head with a smile. I stayed put as Dean made his way closer to me, his words and demeanor seeming off-putting to me. A shiny object catching my eye, my heart dropped as I realized what it was. “Turns out, you were in on this little joke. Sucks that I could never trust or love a demon!” Dean held the blade high as I heard Sam and Crowley simultaneously yell “No!”. I closed my eyes as I waited for what was to come.

------

“It’s beautiful here. There’s a lot of empty space, but I kind of like it. It’s quiet,” I looked around the yard with a big smile on my face. “It’s all ours,” Sam smiled, looking down at me. “This place is awesome! Have you seen the pool? It’s massive. I can’t believe this is ours,” Dean handed Sam a cold beer and me a cold soda. Looking at the boys as they sipped on their beers with joy in their eyes as they scanned the endless yard, I could only feel at peace. This house is a start to new beginnings. Better beginnings. “Remember when you almost killed my child, squirrel?” Crowley chimed in, ruining the blissful moment.

“Dean, no!” I heard Crowley and Sam both yell as my eyes were closed. My heart beating out of my chest. My body and clothes beginning to drench in sweat. Embracing death by my friend's hand. I heard metal drop to the floor along with a body. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked down at a sobbing Dean on his knees. “I can’t hurt you. I could never hurt you,” Dean cried, holding onto my legs and resting his head on me. I took a sharp inhale as I felt my stomach twist from the amount of anxiety and pressure. Crowley grabbed the knife, pocketing it. “I’m so sorry!” Dean sobbed into my legs, his body shaking. I ran my fingers through his hair as I felt myself choke, unable to speak. “I know, Dean. I know. I forgive you!” I held onto Dean as he sobbed, feeling his hot tears drench my pants. “We’re a family. We always will be,” Sam pulled Dean up off of his knees and pulled us both into a bear hug.

“Hard to forget when you mention it at least once a day!” Dean sarcastically chirped before taking a big gulp of his beer as his smile dropped. “Good, burn it into your little brain!” “Go to hell!” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Been there, lived there, and just left!” Crowley growled, gritting his teeth. “This is supposed to be a fresh start,” I groaned, listening to Crowley and Dean go back and forth. “Home sweet home!” Sam laughed, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close.

"Definitely. Home sweet home!" With a sigh, I smiled as I looked around our yard again.

This place is our new home.

Our home sweet home.

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