#Especially with nightmares and ptsd episodes

[astruccrow]

Hello Nishiki community, phantom limbs and nightmares are reality

[lordprettyflackotara]

Hitchhiker SFW & NSFW Headcannon’s:

a/n: getting my wisdom teeth out in like ten minutes so imma be offline and recovering for a few days. enjoy these head cannons until i get back <3

Tim | SFW:

-lives off of coffee & cigarettes. half the time can’t digest regular food & ends up throwing it up from stress :( poor bby

-despite being a proxy for years, still has reoccurring nightmares that keep him up at night. certain things trigger ptsd episodes, specifically memories of jay or brian (who brian used to be before the operator came along)

-rough exterior, doesn’t believe he’s even worthy of being in your presence or anyone else’s. firmly believes that anyone he interacts with The Operator could and would kill just to fuck with him

-major anger issues that he mainly keeps under wraps, masky’s the one who REALLY shows that side of him

-memory is spotty, but he puts more of an effort to remember things since meeting you

-drinks straight black coffee, absolutely despises cream & sugar. its a miracle this man has any water intake at all

-overly protective, to an intense degree

-enjoys bands like the smiths, the neighbourhood (idc bite me), and cigarettes after sex

Tim | NSFW under the cut:

-tim wants to absolutely worship you. a shameless munch who wants to do nothing more than make you cum on his face

-prefers missionary, wants to bury his face into your neck as he pounds into you

-This man loves nothing more than to hear your pretty noises

‘Fuck, keep moaning my name princess’

-doesn’t care too much about receiving head, would rather please you

-ADORES watching your facial expressions as you cum on his fingers. the little o shape your mouth makes drives him feral

‘Yeah? Gonna cum on my fingers?’

-best after care on the PLANET. baths, snacks, cuddles. whatever you want he’s got it ready for you.

Brian || SFW:

-vegetarian (loves tomato soup because it reminds him of what his mom used to make him when he was sick)

-distrusting; even though he tries to attempt from speaking his mind is absolute madness

-lots of ptsd, genuinely fears what happened to him will happen to you

-depressive tendencies. allows hoodie to front when he starts getting too upset

-he doesn’t allow himself to have too many interest or too much of a personality. he lives in constant fear anything he may grow to like or show interest in will be destroyed by the operator

-you instill an unknowingly amount of happiness into his life. an amount so much that he fears he may be beginning to claw his way out of the trenches of despair

-enjoys bands like linkin park, papa roach, and green day

Brian || NSFW

-a TEASE

-this mf wants you to beg for his touch just to turn around & give you what you want & more

-adores the feeling of your nails digging into his back. he gets so turned on by it, it’s borderline nauseating for him

-praise to the absolute MAX

-‘you can take it pretty girl, such a good girl for me’

-possessive & determined to make you feel better then anyone else, especially in group activities

-‘go on, tell tim how good i make you feel’

-loves to overstimulate you to the point of no return. if you aren’t a squirming mess on the brink of passing out from pleasure, he feels like he didn’t do his job right

-wants to manhandle you. something about picking you up as if you weighed nothing to readjust you into the position he wants you in is so addicting to him

-good aftercare, thinks more about cleaning you up than anything else

Masky || SFW

-he’s so tired of being the ‘leader’

-like seriously, he’s sick of it

-firm believer since Hoodie came around first he should be forced to lead the band of misfit toys but he digresses

-thinks tim is a big softie and borderline pathetic, but after he saves you, he thinks more highly of his decision making skills

-when fronting he is absolutely not sleeping. real life is terrifying enough. the last thing he needs is the creativity of nightmares haunting him too

-carries wads of cash in case he’s in a bind. will just throw them at people before storming out of where ever he is

-did i mention anger issues? like to an unhealthy concerning degree? masky believes in punching or shooting his way out of any situation that pisses him off

-delusional but in the best way, imagines you and him to eventually become a bonnie and clyde like duo

-enjoys more edgy bands like three days grace, skillet, and hollywood undead

Masky || NSFW

-there is not a submissive bone in this man’s body

-spitting, spanking, slapping, and choking you really gets him going

-humiliating you and degrading you turns him on so much it’s unbelievable

-‘Fuckin slut. Get yourself off on my tongue. Get on with it before I change my mind’

-Either overstimulation or orgasm denial. No in between

-Gun play. I said what I said. You giving him head while he points a loaded gun at your head drives him feral

-‘Suck it harder or i’ll pull the trigger. Dont think I won’t. You’re not special’

-if you’re into it as much as he is, he’d like to fuck you with his gun🫣

-Lowkey is kinda cruel, enjoy the idea of putting his cigarettes out on you but won’t since he shares you (he doesn’t want to argue with toby/hoodie/brian/tim)

-leaving you covered with bruises in particular is satisfying to him. the shapes of his fingers digging into your waist being there the next day make him hard all over again

-decent aftercare. if we’re being honest you’ll be too dazed to remember most of it. he won’t necessarily cuddle you but he’ll at least clean you with a washcloth before putting you to bed

Hoodie || SFW

-silent but aggressive

-doesn’t enjoy fronting unless it’s to complete a mission or task for the operator

-enjoys stalking his victims just to see what they’re doing before they’re killed🙈

-that ski mask? yeah prefers that mf to stay ON. things that involve you are the only exception he’ll make once he grows fond of you

-him & brian are in an agreement having any real interest is too much risk. of course, they combat this narrative once you come along

-will tell you he doesn’t like music but secretly enjoys shinedown, breaking benjamin, and seether

Hoodie || NSFW

-sadist

-orgasm denial. the sight of you squirming beneath him while begging to cum? euphoric.

-cnc (sorry mom)

-‘shut up and take it. pathetic whore’

-breath play. likes choking but he’d prefer to have you on all fours with a belt around your throat if he’s being honest

-loves recording you. not only to watch back later, but to threaten you with the blackmail

-‘you better behave or i’ll show everyone how much of a slut you actually are’

-hair pulling. whether you pull his hair or he pulls yours. the whimpers that come from it are like heroin

-bondage. if hoodie could have it his way he’d have you tied up and spread out like a starfish on a bed so he could play with you until you break

-probably the worst aftercare out of everyone on this list. doesn’t care for it, thinks it’s your problem. at most will just tell you to pee

Toby || SFW

-toby is pretty much your loyal guard dog. he’s at your disposal and you don’t even realize it

-he never really got an opportunity to be a teenager. now that he’s roughly 21-23, you make him feel like the flustered horny teenager he never got to be

-before you he’s extremely unhinged. toby didn’t have a lot of motivation besides the thrill of a kill. now that you’re around and practically a ball of sunshine, you make him feel something other than blood lust or boredom

-has nice curls but never knows how to take care of them so they always turn out straight since he immediately brushes his hair after a shower

-out of the three proxies he’s the most content with the situation. he views tim and brian as his best friends, even if they don’t feel the same way

-don’t let any of the fluff headcannons deceive you though, there’s a reason he’s a proxy. the unknown strength this man has is concerning. chopping up bodies doesn’t tire him

-enjoys russian roulette. masky and hoodie will play with him on special occasions

-likes to play with fire. if he has an opportunity he will commit massive amounts of arson

-his music taste bounces around everywhere, similar to his personality. top three is violent vira, grimes, and bones

Toby || NSFW

-hardcore switch leaning towards sub

-toby has his dominate moments, most of them just enjoying seeing you blush from his teasing

-‘you like m-me fucking y-you huh? such a p-perfect pussy’

-likes to see you take control.

-i’m sorry but despite being a sub he’s very vanilla, minus a few very specific kinks

-hickies. wants tim and brian to see you’re just as much as his as you are theirs

-cream pies. not even necessarily contributing to a breeding kink, he just likes to watch his cum drip down your abused cunt

-pulling his hair drives him feral. he can’t necessarily feel pain but he feels your eagerness and that’s enough for him

-considering toby can’t feel things his sex drive is extremely high considering it’s one of the few things he can’t actually feel

-one of his fantasies is fucking you with the handle of his axe

-aftercare is peak. he’s just as exhausted as you, but will wait on you hand and foot to ensure you’re taken care of

Nova || SFW

-her dad was a detective, she simply followed in his footsteps

-her parents were very academic driven. praise and affection was only shown to her when she excelled academically

-bi sexual. leans more towards women

-protective, blunt, and head strong

-working in a field that’s pro dominantly men, she ensures to be full of bark AND bite to make sure she’s taken seriously

-became a detective to help people. despite her tough exterior, she genuinely just wants to bring people peace through her work

-obsessive tendencies. once she starts a case she has to finish it. will not rest properly until it’s done

-has a fantastic memory. memorizes all the little details of anyone and everything

-out of the three proxies she likes tim the most, but will never admit she likes any of them

-enjoys hozier, asap rocky, and adeline troutman

Nova || NSFW

-THE BIGGEST SWITCH TO EVER EXIST

-either wants to be called mommy or a good cum dump

-an absolute freak in the bed

-this woman has a chest of sex toys at home of all varieties and sorts

-pegs men

-‘your whimpers are so cute baby boy’

-either wants to put YOU in handcuffs or have you put handcuffs on HER. either way she wants them involved

-doesn’t believe in vanilla sex. if she’s fucking she’s going all in. no lovey dovey shit. just pure feral behavior

-on the other end of the spectrum, loves being fucked into the mattress until she’s dizzy

-‘please keep going, fuck, i’m so close’

-has attended several bdsm sex parties on the down low

-aftercare is peak. she doesn’t gaf ab herself. you’re the star of the show

[joelslastofus]

[SUMMARY: Joel suffers a PTSD episode of when Sarah was killed and accidentally hurts you.]

PTSD, Angst, physical violence.

“Did you see the way she looked at me?” Joel stopped and looked down as he took a deep breath.

“I could’ve really hurt her, Tommy”

It was late in the night and you woke up realizing Joel wasn’t in bed beside you. Joel never left your side without letting you know where he would be, especially in the night. Tonight it was strange, you woke up careful not to wake up Tommy or Ellie who were in their own rooms down the hall. You could hear a faint mumbling coming from the living room and silently followed the sound.

Stepping into the main room you could see Joel facing out the window and still mumbling something to himself that you couldn’t make out.

“Joel?” You whispered as you walked towards him but he didn’t respond.

“Joel?” You gently touched his arm when he suddenly grabbed you by yours and slammed you against the wall. You whimpered as he took hold of your face in his large hand and looked at you with eyes you did not recognize.

“You killed my daughter” he squeezed your face as you looked up at him with horror and confusion.

“Joel!” You screamed as his hand moved to your throat with a tight squeeze. You gasped for air hitting his chest when the lights suddenly turned on and you heard Maria’s voice.

“Tommy!” She screamed out for him, the second he heard her voice he came running out.

“Shit” he uttered before grabbing Joel from behind and putting him in a choke hold.

“It’s me! It’s Tommy!, I’m gonna let you go just calm down, I need you to listen to me-“ Joel tried to fight it at first but slowed down as Tommy bought him to the ground. You coughed gasping for air as Maria ran to you making sure you were ok, your hand on your chest you couldn’t believe what had just happened. Looking back at Joel you could see he wasn’t himself, he didn’t notice anyone around him.

“Joel, you hear me?” Tommy yelled when suddenly Joel broke down in tears as Tommy let him go.

“It’s alright brother, it’s alright. Just another nightmare” you watched as Tommy comforted his brother as you stood still trying to catch your breath when Joel suddenly looked up at you, his face instantly changing realizing what he had just done.

“Oh my god” Joel pushed himself up coming towards you. You panicked quickly backing away as Maria got inbetween both of you.

“Hold on a minute, Joel. Give a her a minute”

Looking at him, all you could see was big brown tearful eyes.

“Jesus Christ, I hurt you-“ he spoke in shock with himself.

“I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to“ he spoke with desperation looking over Marias shoulder. Never had you seen him look so vulnerable before. You had no idea how to respond but you could see how distraught he was.

“Let me take her to the room, just stay here for a bit with Tommy,” Maria quickly turned to you guiding you to the bedroom as you silently cried without turning back.

Tommy could tell Joel felt horrible, watching him pace back and fourth in the living room not knowing what the hell to do with himself.

“You didn’t do it on purpose, Joel”

“Did you see the way she looked at me?” Joel stopped and looked down as he took a deep breath.

“I could’ve really hurt her, Tommy”

“Look, you had a nightmare about that night and you haven’t had one in a long time alright, you weren’t looking to hurt her” Tommy explained.

You could hear them in the living room talking as Maria closed the door.

“He’s never had a nightmare with me. I don’t know what happened” you whispered as you looked at yourself in the mirror, bruising already forming around your neck.

“He told me about them but I thought…I thought he was doing better now. I shouldn’t have walked up behind him like that” you whispered shaking your head.

“Look, it’s not your fault or his. Maybe it best you two don’t sleep together tonight, I can stay with you if you’d like.” You nodded in a bit of relief.

“Thank you, Maria” you whispered as she left the room to let them know.

Joel instantly looked up as Maria walked towards them.

“How is she?” He asked eagerly walking towards her.

“She’s a little startled Joel. I think it’s best I stay with her for tonight, you both get some rest and talk about it tomorrow.”

“She needs to know I didn’t mean to do that, she knows that don’t she?”

Maria simply nodded before walking back to the room and closing the door.

The next morning you were too anxious to leave your room, you waited until you heard everyone leave. Fixing yourself up you did your best to cover the bruising on your neck with your long dark hair when you heard a knock. You head turning so fast you winced at the slight soreness you felt. You thought everyone had left, at least you hoped.

“If you don’t wanna open the door, that’s fine. I just need you to listen” Joel’s voice on the other end made you take a deep breath. Slowly walking towards the door you unexpectedly opened it, surprising him as he looked down at you. You hadn’t realized moving your neck so quickly your hair was no longer covering the bruise, allowing Joel to see the harm he’d done. His jaw clenched and you quickly noticed what he was looking at and moved your hair to cover it. Joel thought he was ready to say something, but seeing what his hands had done to you he was left with no words.

“I’m not mad at you” you assured him with a soft whisper.

“You didn’t deserve that” he looked down taking a shaky deep breath flaring his nostrils.

Joel was angry with himself in a way he had never been before.

“I’m fine” you barely sounded convincing to yourself.

“What if Tommy wasn’t there-what if-“ he couldn’t even finish the sentence, the thought of anything happening to you he simply couldn’t take.

“You know I would never do anything to you like that purposely right? I swear, baby if I knew it was you-“

“Joel, I know” you assured him with tears in your eyes. You could see the guilt he felt eating away at him.

“Let’s just forget this happened” you caressed the side of his face with a smile he could see right through.

“Shoot, sorry-“ Ellie suddenly appeared through the door catching you both by surprise.

“I was just gonna head to my room” she furrowed her brows taking a better look at you.

“Hey what the heck happened to you?” You quickly covered your neck with your hand turning away as Joel took a step towards Ellie, covering her view of you.

“Ellie please go to your room”

“Ooook then” she raised her brows walking backwards as she stepped inside and closed her door. When Joel turned back he realized you had walked into the room and quickly followed. Your back to him you quickly wiped away any tears before he could see.

“Hey” he reached out to your arm making you unexpectedly jump. The sight of you even the slightest bit afraid of him broke him. He a took a step back but all he really wanted to do was hold you.

“You want me to go?”

“No” you quickly responded turning to him.

“Stay” you gently reached your arm out to his hand taking hold of it.

“I’m fine, I promise” you took a deep breath and smiled but you could see the uncertainty in his eyes. To reassure him you took a step closer and wrapped your arms around him, it took everything in him to keep his hands to himself afraid he would scare you off.

“Hold me” he looked you in your eyes and without saying a word you slowly felt his hands grab onto your waist.

“See? We’re ok” you smiled as he furrowed his brows.

“It wont ever happen again, I promise you that” he meant what he said and you trusted his word but in all reality, how could he be so sure? Not saying what you were thinking you nodded and lay your head on his chest as he held you silently against him..

[keferon]

Okay- I adore the Mecha AU.. so now I have to share MY terrible idea, dunno if anyone has said this yet but- you remember that in pacific rim when Raleigh & Mako DRIFT and they both experience each other’s trauma?

What if that happened with Jazz & Prowl?

Like-

One day Prowl starts noticing a difference in Jazz's behavior, noticing how he would suddenly tense up or flinch whenever somebody suddenly started speaking loud or in the morning he’d notice how he was soaked in sweat and shakily making his way to the wash racks. Whenever he’d ask if he was alright he was always met with a smile and a reassuring remark, yet he knew something was off and he wanted to help.

So then (once he’s fully healed) he suggests to Jazz that they should do trust exercises under the guise that since he doesn’t have another Mecha so they should strengthen their own bond for any future battles. Jazz is hesitant, especially since he blames himself for Prowl being in that situation in the first place, but he also wants to spend time with Prowl so he agrees.

Prowl probably would go to a secluded spot in the forest they’re in, somewhere safe where, once Jazz is relaxed enough he can ask him about these strange behaviors he’s recently been exhibiting. Surely nothing bad will happen and surely Jazz will be fine like he usually is…

The training exercises go well, Jazz is feeling fine and they’re both in the zone when suddenly a bad memory spontaneously starts to haunt Jazz and it triggers a PTSD-esque Episode where Jazz freezes up and is suddenly taken back to that horrible time..

The time he was strapped down to a bedbunk, his body writhing in agonizing pain, the constant sting of needles piercing his skin followed by an intense burning sensation that can only be likened to being burned from the inside out, his vision going blurry and his throat raw and bleeding from screaming and crying, his body shaking and shivering as a thick sheen of sweat coats his body.

And right now… because of the DRIFT.. Prowl sees it too, he not only sees it but he’s there, standing over Jazz's restrained body, he hears screams and sounds he never EVER wanted to hear, not from Jazz of all people. His precious partner, he’s looking down at him unable to help or protect him from these strangers, these monsters who are ignoring the ear piercing, spark-wrenching screams of pure agony. Worst of all? He can’t move, he’s frozen in place, forced to stand there helplessly as Jazz is begging for mercy, begging for someone to help him… and. he. can’t. move.

It lasts just for a moment but for both of them it felt like an hour until Jazz screams himself back into reality, freeing both him and Prowl from his nightmare. Prowl drops to a knee, his mind racing as he tries to figure out what the actual hekk he just saw until he feels Jazz pounding his fist against his chest, he can vaguely make out his choked up plea which scares Prowl as he’s never heard Jazz make that noise before. Prowl opens it and barely manages to catch Jazz as the man tumbled out into his own shaky servo in a trembling heap.

Jazz is slightly pale and tears are in his eyes as he struggles to catch his breath, he knows he’s not there anymore but he still feels it.

Prowl rushes back to Ratchets hideout where he the others are and calls for him, fear gripping his tanks as Jazz is still huddled in a fetal position, hyperventilating as he grips his soaked hair. Ratchet immediately recognizes what’s happened and quickly moves to help Jazz calm down before he has a heart attack which he is very close to having with how high his pulse is. It works but the man is so worn out from the stress that he just passes out.

I don’t know but that’s been plaguing my mind since I started reading your AU and I just HAD to share it lol, what do you think? How do you think Prowl would actually react to that? I figured he’d freak out as humans and their fragile bodies are still new territory for him.

Also sorry if it’s all a bit unclear or confusing or like- boarderline rambling I’m not good at storytelling and just stick to RP and making RP plots lol.

OH MAN. OH FUCK. YEP UH HUH YEAH. THIS. oh my god

Knowing Prowl, he would probably rush to learn every bit of information he can access about. You know. How to help someone in that scenario. Because he’s scared that something would went wrong while he has zero knowledge about humans.

But also. I think it would make him realise just how strong despite his small size Jazz actually is.

Jazz might drop something about his brain being over dramatic when it’s not helpful at all. While Prowl is just are you fraggin serious you’re a superhuman

[seph-ic]

My favorite thing ever?

Nico has a service dog 

Because after Mr. D diagnoses him with PTSD he feels kind of hopeless and overwhelmed (especially after her hears that it can’t be easily fixed with magic or anything) 

So Mr D. Suggests that he get a service animal. 

Nico argues that animals hate him because he ‘smells like death’. Mr. D Points out that Mrs O’Leary doesn’t hate him. 

They both go talk to Hades who jumps at the excuse to win back his son by buying him more stuff. 

The dog ends up being a hellhound mix (don’t ask how.) 

The mix is mostly so she is a bit smaller for convenience (so she can fit in places.)

I'd assume she looks something like a Burmese mountain dog mix.

Her names Penelope (Penny) and Nico loves her. 

Nico and Her spend a couple of months doing service dog training with Artemis and the hunters (dogs are one of her patron animals.)

the time he spends with them also gives him a bit of closure and helps him process what happened to his sister.

soon enough she's graduated their honorary service dog school and is fully trained.

She goes with Nico everywhere. Since she is half hellhound she can assist with shadow travel and make it easier for Nico. (To Wills relief) 

She helps Nico with panic attacks and nightmares. 

She grabs things for him (KitKats, sword, water, pillows.) 

she can even open the fridge in the big house.

If Nico is having a really bad episode or a flashback he can’t come out of or if he’s in any physical danger, she knows to go get Will Chiron or MR D. In a heartbeat. 

Again a shadow traveling dog being useful.

Will makes extra sure that everyone at camp is aware of how service animals work. 

He teaches all the campers about what Penny's job is and why they’re not allowed to distract her.

On occasion when she isn't working she'll play fetch or get pets from some of the kids. 

All Nicos freind's and family love her.

Like everyone wants to be a part of this dogs life, Nico has literally never been more popular.

Hazel buys her a sweater for the holidays.

Rachel helps Nico also dye part of her tail at one point (to keep her identifiable) and they give it a cool design.

Annabeth asks if she can make her a cool dog house.

Piper insists that they take her to the groomer and buys her little bandannas.

Percy helps Nico teach her how to swim.

She will also grabs medical supplies for Will sometimes.

Grover also knows how to talk to her and regularly lets her know how Nico is doing (not that she doesn't already know.) 

Nico finds it easier to eat with Penelope.

It kind of forces him to eat on a schedule, since Penny has to be fed three times a day and the two of them can eat at the same time.

Nico also gives her little scraps off his plate sometimes which makes them both happy.

She gets absolutely spoiled. 

At one point Nico gets worried that she might get hurt fighting a monster. Hades assured him she won’t but Leo makes her some extra cool dog armor just in case

She also has a little bag attached to her vest for carrying supplies on quests and long journeys. (list of things these bags might contain: Ambrosia, Dog treats, Water/kitkats, extra weapons, drachmas.)

Nico connects so well with this fucking dog.

Like he always struggled with people and he never really even considered being an animal person.

But he absolutely adores Penny.

He talks to her about things that worry him and just finds her presence so unbelievably comforting.

Will solace (who I think personally would become a vet sooner than a doctor) Has this dog on the best fucking diet you could imagine

you have never seen a more medically healthy dog.

And she ADORES Will

Partially because of how calmer Nico is with him, and partially because he keeps a treat jar in the infirmary now.

The best part! she cannot die (from old age at least) Immortal service dog!

Having a huge fluffy head is great for pressure therapy.

Nico (neurodivergent) likes the texture of her fur and stims by petting her or playing with her ears.

[lostreverb]

DAD!RALPH BOHNER HEADCANONS

a/n: if we're gonna call him a dilf might as well write about it! also he gives girl dad vibes so we're going with that! AND SORRY ABOUT THE ANGST I'M LIKE ADDICTED TO WRITING IT

warning: mentions of PTSD, swearing

--

• you and your four year old daughter were coincidentally on a trip to visit family when the hex happened, your husband ralph couldn't get out of work but insisted you go without him

• after everything, ralph's mental state was so poor he had to quit his job, so instead of having a nanny, ralph becomes a stay at home dad while you work

• you were reasonably uncertain if ralph was mentally stable enough to take care of a child as well as himself but he insisted he's capable

• loves you and his daughter more than anything in the world

• calls her "bub, hon, sweetpea, babygirl, little gremlin, kiddo"

• is very protective of his family (especially after the hex)

• he buys everyone evil eye necklaces and makes you wear them to keep you safe

• doesn't sleep much anymore unless he's napping with his daughter

• it's quite literally the only time he gets any kind of peaceful sleep

• you had definitely spent an entire year trying to get her sleep on her own but that's out the window now and she'll only sleep in your bed

• on the occasions he does try to get a full night's rest, ralph still gets nightmares. but when he wakes up in a sweat, seeing "his girls" cuddled up with him calms him down, sometimes enough to where he can go back to sleep

• your daughter adores her dad's grown out curls, and often raves about how they look just like hers (compared to the cropped hair he had before) and mindlessly plays with his beard when they're sat on the couch watching TV

• does funny voices when he reads stories to her

• lives for hearing + making her laugh with corny jokes (btw she thinks he's the funniest person in the world)

• practices his one man show for her and the reason you know is because she'll try and recite certain plot points to you as if that's something that happened to her

• ralph forgets to eat but when he does, it's often just whatever your daughter doesn't finish of her food or he raids the fridge at 3 am

• generally his diet consists of celsius and half eaten dino nuggets

• sends her to preschool with totems he makes for show n' tell

• you got a call at work once because she did the black magic warding chants ralph taught her with an animal skull totem and it scared some kids and made them cry

• according to your daughter it was only "like 2 people" who cried and assured you that everything was fine b/c the rest of the class thought she was "the awesomest"

• you have to tell her to stop going around telling people her dad is an expert in "getting rid of witches" b/c they think she means "bitches"

• whenever you come home to seeing your daughter sat in ralph's lap at his computer, he tells you he's just working on his one man show but he's really on reddit and other forums teaching her how to protect herself from witches

• has learned well how to dress his daughter but b/c of his sketchy appearance sometimes ppl think she's been kidnapped, especially if she starts to throw a tantrum in public and you're not around

• cared very much for billy and tommy b/c they reminded him of his daughter

• there's been times where he's particularly struggling with his PTSD and accidentally scares her and it breaks his heart

• despite this, she'll come over and try to cheer him up with one of her stuffed animals and hug him or do one of the chants he taught her because that's what her idea of protection and safety is

-----------

ANGST DRABBLE

ralph sits with his head in his hands, distraught. he had another episode, this time in front of his young daughter. seeing the look of shock and fear on her face broke his heart.

those damn witches had hell to pay for what they've done.

"daddy?" he hears a small voice say. ralph's head shoots up. his daughter, holding her favorite teddy bear (which she renamed "papa bear" after noticing how closely his new look resembles the stuffed animal) walked up to him. her eyes are still a bit glossy, but she's smiling regardless.

"hey hon..." ralph speaks softly, reaching out to stroke her hair. "what have you got there?"

she puts the teddy into his arms, searching his face for a reaction.

"is.. this for me?"

she nods and ralph gasps holding it tight.

"oh wow, thank you babygirl- c'mere-"

he pulls her in for a deep embrace, kissing her head and whispering that he's sorry and that he loves her so much. a tear falls down his cheek as he holds her small body against his, hearing her say "i love you more, daddy!" in that sweet tone of hers.

it takes everything in his power not to completely break down.

------------

FLUFF DRABBLE

after finishing dinner, you walk up the stairs, hearing the sound of chanting coming from the bedroom.

"close! remember kiddo you've got to do it twice for it to really work so let's go again- OUMMMM-"

"mommy!" at the sight of you, your daughter jumps off ralph's lap and throws her little arms around your legs.

"hi!" you respond enthusiastically, hugging her back. "just wanted to let you both know dinner was ready. what are you guys... up to?"

ralph avoids your eyes by pretending to look around the room. your daughter smiles up at you, bursting with excitement.

"daddy was teaching me-"

ralph interrupts. "dinner's ready? oh, you have perfect timing babe we're starving- uh kiddo? why don't you go wash your hands?"

"ooookayyyy!!" your daughter skips out of the room, curly ponytail swinging back and forth in time with her steps.

"again? ralph we talked about this-"

"i know, sorry..." he sighs. you notice his eyes linger on your chest.

"like what you see?" you tease, wiggling your eyebrows.

"no-! i mean- yes, of course but- you're not wearing the necklace..." he pouts.

you roll your eyes and reach into your shirt to pull the chain out.

"oh- my bad"

"yeah- now mr. bohnerrific69, could you please tell my husband that dinner's ready and he needs to actually eat tonight? because a whole pack of oreo's is not a sufficient meal."

"who told you i-?!"

ralph's gaze moves to your daughter, who's peeking past the door frame giggling.

"snitch!" ralph gasps dramatically and stands up from his desk, starting to playfully chase her down the hall. "thought you could rat me out huh? we had a deal!"

--

tags (ask to be added or removed anytime!): @fear-is-truth @juliamaximoff @jazz-berry @violetsghosts @quickreider @tiffysdeath @honeymoon8 @wcnderlnds @lacucarachapisser @xrag-dollx

[sunflowersteves]

when you're gone || j.m.

pairing || joel miller x f!reader

summary || Jackson, Wyoming was supposed to be a calm and quiet town. Joel wasn't so sure when he wakes up alone after another unbearable nightmare.

author's note || without @themarcusmoreno, this fic would not have been made so I thank ash a thousand times for enabling me into writing soft joel comfort with some filth!! and tbh, i think i have an addition to soft!joel so i hope you all enjoy (especially after that episode). also yes, i may have gotten the title from the cranberries song!!

warnings || nightmares, ptsd, apocalypse ptsd, pure disgusting fluff, hurt/comfort, joel needs a break so i'm giving him one, soft!joel, SMUT, oral sex, blowjob, praise kink, [18+ only!!]

masterlist

In Wyoming, it was a quiet and peaceful night. The crickets chirped, and the cold icy wind blew against the logged cabins. Everyone in Jackson was under the cloudy haze of a tranquil slumber, and so were the trees as they gently swayed underneath the stars. 

In a quaint cabin, Joel was mumbling in his sleep. A dark shadow cast over him from the troubles of his active mind. His eyebrows furrowed in despair, and his cheeks were hot from the pain that shot through his chest. He could picture her. He could picture you. He could picture Ellie. A sharp cry and scream thwarted against his eardrums, and he panicked. 

His eyes snapped open in an instant, and his chest heaved at the alarm that spread across his chest and down to the pits of his stomach. He looked around the room—his eyes frantic. An old chair, a bookshelf, and a pile of clothes. 

A nightmare. Just a nightmare. 

He turned to look over at the silhouette of your form under the covers, but his heart froze once more as you weren’t even there. 

You were gone. 

It struck deep inside him—empty and sullen—as the questions started to roll over one another. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you alive?

He didn’t waste any time by putting some pants over his boxers or taking his flannel. He just needed to run. The strong pads of his feet hit the floorboards, and he sauntered down the stairs. He had to find you. 

He needed to find you. 

The pure, hard feeling of desperation rose in his throat. His hands were shaking by his sides as he whipped around the archway that leads into the living room. His eyes scanned every crevice of the room—starting from the tall bookshelves and guitar stand that sat in the back corner. Then, he saw it. He saw the movement of a hand flipping over a page in a book. 

You.

He let out a big puff of air, the relief washing him over like a cold splash of water to his face. You were safe. You were okay. He could feel the panic rush out of his chest, and pure adoration sunk in between his heart and his lungs. Just you.

He watched, quietly, at the soft rise and fall of your chest. The hand that wasn’t holding the book in your lap was tapping gently on the edge of the sofa.

A lukewarm cup of tea, the one you most likely forgot from the riveting pages, sat on the coffee table in front of you. Your eyes rapidly scanned each individual page, and your lips pursed into a small smile. 

He could tell you were reading a Jane Austen novel. You always had the same expression when you were reading Pride & Prejudice, Emma, or Persuasion. Your left brow would always twitch when you got to a familiar scene that you had read a million times before. 

He suddenly could feel the warm breath of a calm mind take over his body. He felt like he could relax now. You’re here. You’re safe. You’re alive. 

As if you feel his soft stare, your eyes turn to his—your smile even larger than before. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed, handsome?”

He doesn’t say anything. His mouth doesn’t even form a smile. He wasn’t sure he could. While his body relished in the feeling of relief, the whiplash of feelings that swirled around in his head was starting to get to him. 

“Joel?”

Your eyes turned cloudy with concern, and now his heart sank just a little. He didn’t want to make you feel worried. The last thing he wanted to do was open a deep wound in your chest like the one that settled in his. 

He quietly sat down next to you, arms pulling in your shoulders, so your back lay rested against his chest. You sat the book down on the coffee table right before making home into his arms.

He breathed in deep, familiar senses of your own musk and the spices you had been picking earlier that day. Rosemary, bay leaves, and parsley were your favorite plants in the garden that Ellie had asked you to build. 

You sat there for just a moment, knowing that he needed to take his time. Joel was never a man of words. He was silent and calculating, watching everyone and anything around him.

You were one of his soft spots over the years—you and Ellie—but his hardened heart still prevented him from allowing his deepest affections to shine through. So, when his thoughts came barrelling down on top of him, he needed the time to articulate them. You would always patiently wait for him, each and every time. 

“Had another nightmare.” He paused, noticing the small intake of your breath. He could tell that you felt bad for waking up in the middle of the night and not being there for him. “Woke up alone.” 

He chose his words carefully. He didn’t want to say, “woke up, and you weren’t there.” In truth, you weren’t, but he knew you had insomnia. He knew that he wasn’t the only one suffering under this roof from the dangerous, violent, and pure aching pain that the world had caused. 

“Joel—Baby—” God, you were too good for him. You were a badass throughout all of the years of fighting and violence, yet your heart shined brighter than ever, just for him and Ellie. 

He whispered just under his breath, “I had the same nightmare. I know you’re there. I know Ellie’s there. I know Sarah’s there—” He shakes his head. “—But I can never find you. Any of you.”

He can picture the frown that forms on your pretty, plump lips. It wasn’t your fault. You know that. You couldn’t have known, but the burning guilt in your chest wants to say otherwise. Your hand grabs onto his own, which is splayed across your abdomen, and you squeeze—making sure that he knew you were here. 

“I’ll never go anywhere, Joel. Not without you.”

A deep, crackling affection sprouted in his chest at your affirmation. He could almost smile—bright and pearly white. His worn heart thumped loudly against his chest, surely pumping loudly against your shoulder blade. 

“I know, darlin’. My brain is just funny sometimes.” His lips crack just a little at the snort he was able to pull from your nose. 

“Hell of a way to put it, Miller.”

After a couple of beats of silence, you bite your lip—contemplating whether you should act on what your brain was currently concocting. You knew that Joel wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night, and by default, you wouldn’t, either.

You could tell he was still lost in the faraway lands of his mind. His eyes were glossy and dazed. You knew he was, in no doubt, trying to unsee the darkest parts of his nightmares.

You decide to say fuck it, and you attempt to untangle Joel’s arms from yours. You hear a disapproving grunt from the man behind you, followed by another confused sound when you started to leave the couch.

“Darlin’, where are you—” His question dies on his tongue, though, all while you sink down onto your knees. His eyes are blown wide—dark pupils dilating under the soft glow of the eucalyptus candle you started to burn earlier. 

You give your best innocent smile. By the way his lips open just a smidge, you knew your idea was a good one. “Wanna take care of you, Joel.”

You bite your lip, sinking your teeth into the plump skin, and he curses under his breath. “Will you let me take care of you, handsome?” Your palms flatten across his splayed-out thighs, and you rub back and forth. He could feel his boxers become tighter as you wait for his answer. “Hmm?”

His body involuntarily leans back so he could sink further and further into the couch. His body acts, once again, before his mind can even comprehend the pure lust and desire he has for you. His hips jump forward to allow your soft hands to shuffle his boxers down and pool around his legs. 

Finally, he says, “please.”

You didn’t need to be told twice.

You grab a hold of his half-hard member, and he groans at the sight of you practically drooling for his cock. Your eyes are glistening with such lust, and he sees that speckled look of love that fills them.

His own eyes are dark and heavy-lidded as you press a couple of sweet kisses on his inner thigh—causing him to jerk. You pump his cock a few times, jaw slacking at the pre-cum that is already dribbling against his tip.

“Darlin’.” He gasps.

He watches as you wrap your soft lips around his head. He can feel his cock twitch and become harder—pleasure throbbing against his bulging veins. “F-Fuck, just like that. Yes.”

You flatten your tongue along his ruddy tip and then swirl in between his crying slit. “Fuckin’ mouth on you, I—” He lets out small puffs of air, teeth biting his lower lip in pleasurable agony. If it weren't for his fat cock in your mouth, you definitely would have smiled at the praise. He moans, almost as if he could feel it. 

"Joel—baby—so needy."

Joel was pretty sure he could die happy, right with your lips on his cock because when you rasp that out, there was a bead of your saliva and his pre-cum connected to your lips.

His knees twitch in between you, not being able to help it. He drags his hand to the nape of your neck and squeezes the base of it. “Takin’ care of me so fuckin’ well. My pretty girl—suckin’ my cock.” His words slur together with each syllable of his honeyed Texas accent.

The soft cries and whimpers that leave his mouth are really addicting—your hand squeezes against the base of his thigh from wanting more. 

"You taste so good, Joel. 'm—I love you. I love your cock."

You bop your head even lower—esophagus spasming at the pure thickness of Joel. No matter how many times your sweet cunt or stretched mouth took him, you were never used to his swollen size. 

You hum against him as you feel the sticky substance of pre-cum leak from his tip and onto your tongue—salty and earthy. His hips sputter slightly upward, lips cursing up a storm. “Oh-fuck-fuck. C-Can’t–ugh–can’t take much longer, sweet girl.” 

His body almost shutters from the drool he feels slowly drip down to his balls. Your mouth is warm and balmy, slick tongue working excellently against his hardened shaft. He gasps out your name, mixed in with one of his pet names for you. 

He lets himself become lost between the soft pillows of you and your expert tongue that brings him to the brink of pleasure. He lets the stiff trauma that makes his shoulders and muscle tense slowly wash off of him. “Love when you suck my cock, yeah, f-fuck—my pretty girl takin’ care of my fuckin’ cock.”

His mouth hangs open as you hollow your cheeks and suck on his ruddy tip before shoving your throat back down to the base of his cock. He wasn’t sure how he was sane at this moment—watching the saliva drop from his cock down to his balls—as he was throbbing with pleasure. 

His head drops back onto the couch, and he moans and whimpers out your name. It stays on his tongue—repeating over and over as if it was the only thing that ever mattered in the world. He feels his tummy squeeze, thighs tensing and pulsating as he feels that familiar coil tighten. “Oh, baby—darlin’—my girl—”

You suck in, swirling your tongue just over his slit once more, and he gruffs out a gasp. "Fuck, I love you, I love you, I love you—" Thick beads of cum spew to the back of your throat—causing you to gag. His cum rolls over as his cock twitches and spurts in your mouth. 

You swallow every drop that Joel gives you—gulping it down on his shaft. He was already sensitive, cock already softening, but the whimper that left his mouth seemed one of ecstasy.

You relent, though. Your jaw was a little sore, and you had a feeling Joel was going to want to return the favor. You unhinge your mouth from him with a small ‘pop’ and pat his knee in affection. 

“Feel better, handsome?”

“Loads.” He snorts. “Literally.”

You roll your eyes, getting up from the floor and taking your usual seat on his thighs. “Hilarious, Miller. Real funny.” You were happy, though. You were able to give him the distraction he deserves.

His smile never settles as he pulls you into him. A weight had lifted onto his chest at the true realization that you’re here.

You’re with him.

You’ve alive.

You’re here. 

Joel knew that the nightmare would haunt him for a long time, but for now, you are all he needs.

[hollowtakami]

.*~+everybody’s changing and i don’t feel the same

content: reader + keigo have ptsd/c-ptsd, brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, heavily implied trauma, hurt comfort

a/n: my symptoms have flared up a lot following a string of events, and im struggling to cope, so, yk. bird man make life easier:)) also yes the title is a lyric from everybody’s changing by keane. my comfort song atm lol

For anyone else who really struggles with CPTSD like myself, Keigo understands.

He doesn’t hate you for struggling with controlling your emotions, for all the nightmares. Keigo works through the nihilism that eats away at you, he’s gonna make sure that nobody ever hurts you again, especially not them.

For every person you struggle to trust, Keigo’s love is worth five of them.

Keigo’s hands hold you through every dissociative episode, every suicidal thought. He vowed to guide you through the darkest alleys of memory lane, and he intends to keep that promise.

If you struggle with touch, Keigo will help you set boundaries. He’ll tell you if it’s okay to touch, he’ll tell you where he’s going to and how. If you’re not comfortable with any physical contact, he understands.

Keigo was the one who helped you see a therapist. He took you to every appointment, was there if you needed him to be.

If your symptoms flare up suddenly, he will never judge you. As a survivor of domestic and child abuse himself, he completely understands. He sees parts of himself in you, and he wants to save you.

In a way he couldn’t save himself, he thinks.

Helping you helped him. You are birds of a feather, and Keigo would do anything in his power to make sure you feel safe in this world.

All he wants is for his baby bird to be okay with waking up to another day.

[waitmyturtles]

Three episodes in, and while I carry major distrust of GMMTV at the moment, I'm happy that Kidnap at this moment is:

1) totally secure in its absurdity (Min and James vying for the Biggest Dumbass in Crime award),

2) actually leaning into giving us a holistic look at how frozen Q is in his life, what with the sleep-walking, the nightmares, the PTSD, and the panic attacks, and

3) showing us how complicated Min's poverty has gotten, by losing his stuntman job, being *rejected* for a loan, selling himself to a sadistic (and sadistically hot, my LAWD) lady for coin, and then agreeing to take on Q's ransom request.

Between Jack & Joker and Kidnap (both totally absurd shows about crime that are taking different tacks in their romantic build, GMMTV did not waste any time here, and Tee Bundit over at Dee Hup will take. his. time. with romance), I like that we get to see how poverty just DESTABILIZES people, and makes people desperate to hold onto their central moral cores while acting fools. Both shows are sending up that foolishness -- while also taking it seriously, because without the poverty present, of course, Min and Jack could take control of their lives, and direct their lives to where they actually want to go, not to debt collecting and bodyguarding evil babes.

All that being said, I also like how Kidnap is unabashedly romantic, and owning it. I like that this show is taking its romantic absurdity seriously -- ending at the point where it didn't seem so absurd that Min needed to hold Q through the panic attack. Unlike, ahem, some other recent shows that fudged their messages on romance (starts with a 4 and ends with a bang), GMMTV said, we will not confuse you, these boys WILL get together for your pleasure and for theirs, but they got shit to deal with, so you deal with it, too, viewers.

Leng's green. He's got tics that are reminiscent of Tul Pakorn's acting in Manner of Death. It's a little distracting, especially when Ohm and the grown-ups are so damn good. I hope it gets better throughout the series. But otherwise, this was a surprisingly solid episode.

[fangsforiris]

Hihi!! How would the Mukami brothers react to an s/o who has hallucination episodes due to severe past trauma?

M Boys React to Hallucinating S/O

— — — — — — — — —

Ruki:

“Are you alright? …I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but would you prefer the comfort in silence instead? I can make something soothing for you, if that’s what you need.”

• Would do his best to ensure his S/O was ok.

• He’d have extensive knowledge on this subject, especially with his hobby for reading and catching up research analysis.

• I think also due to the orphanage and the events pre-orphanage with his mother leaving and his father kicking him out, he’d relate towards the PTSD element of it.

Kou:

“You’re not the only one… I understand it, the nightmares and the visions. I can’t say it gets better, but I think meeting you managed it. Let me do the same for you, mkay.”

• It was shown in the anime and games of his frequent nightmares and deep rooted fear of what happened to him the orphanage.

• Especially in terms of hallucinations, I wouldn’t be shocked if Kou was the most likely to have them.

• He’d be the one to comfort his S/O in ways that he’s familiar with helping himself. As in being an ear, or doing things to distract himself from it.

Yūma:

“I dunno how to help you… and I know I may make it worse, but tell me when you’re ready, ok? I won’t force nothing out of you. And I won’t touch you either if it freaks you out.”

• Definitely the most gentle out of them. Looks are deceiving with this man. Despite the more mature look he gives off, he can be gentle, calm, collected even should he choose to.

• I’d say listening is more of Yūma’s strong suit. Sure, he can offer solutions to remedy the pain, but I think he’d prefer to hear his S/O out and give them an outlet to vent whatever they needed.

• He would 100% try to appear more smaller or less defensive due to his size after one of the episodes, lest it stresses his S/O more.

Azusa:

“How about… we go to the garden, Eve…? Maybe that will help… your episodes? I don’t like this pain, the one… in my heart. I don’t like seeing you… hurt like this…”

• He’s not as ‘fast’ when it comes to certain matters, but I think even he’d quickly pick up on the pains of his S/O that isn’t exactly visible to the eye or as ‘enjoyable’ as it may be for himself.

• 100% gentle and caring person. He may go about it the wrong way at times, but know everything he’ll try to do in terms of comfort is all in good name.

• I’d like to think Azusa wouldn’t sit and watch, but instead distract his S/O in terms of showing them the outside or getting them active. Something out of the ordinary since it’s a subconcious fear to mess up in terms of his S/O and their sanity.

[dekariosclan]

Wondered if you had any thoughts on how gale might calm/reassure his partner post game when they have bad panic attacks and dissociative episodes from the ptsd caused by the journey? Especially if they're very ashamed of how they've gone from competent to completely falling apart

Apologies for how long this has taken to get a reply! This question took me awhile to answer because I’m sure Gale would be so wonderful that I doubt I can do him justice with my description.

To start, I had a question awhile back about how Gale would comfort a Tav that had wake-up-screaming nightmares, and I feel like a lot of what I wrote for that scenario in terms of his offering comfort would be similar for this situation. Anything he could do to lessen the possibility for Tav to feel anxiety, he would absolutely do, whether it be through regular means or magical means.

But since PTSD is not predictable and can happen at any time, whenever it did occur, Gale would definitely stop anything that he was occupied with in order to help Tav. It wouldn’t matter if they were at home or in public, he would immediately focus on comforting Tav with his soothing voice, getting them to breathe steady, getting them to concentrate on him and their present situation, easing them back from their attack.

I think the perfect line for this is what Gale says when he takes Tav on their illusory boat journey through the Astral plane: “Don’t be alarmed. I’m here with you.”

I think this sort of caring comes very naturally to Gale, and any Tav that suffered from PTSD would find themselves incredibly well taken care of by him.

And in regards to Tav feeling insecure/ashamed of how they believe they are no longer as competent as they once were?

Gale of all people would completely understand Tav feeling shame and being afraid they will no longer be seen as powerful, revered, respected etc., as they once were. But he would also understand, and would make it clear to Tav in the most loving way possible, that PTSD is not a sign of weakness, but the result of giving so much of yourself that you’ve been pushed beyond your physical and mental limits. Gale would reassure Tav that he sees them for who they are, and that who they are is the strongest and most incredible person he has ever beheld.

And that they need not be alarmed, because he will always be there with them.

[fyodoro]

𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧’ 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧’ - 𝐃𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐠

-> Dan Heng comforting his quiet s/o after they have a nightmare (req by @minimallyminnie)

-> I wanted to write this in a different way from all my other fics. I feel like most nightmare comfort fics have rose tinted lenses over them, so I wanted to take a different approach while also keeping a comfort factor.

Cw) nightmares (obv), implied/hinted ptsd, misunderstandings, nightmare remains vague so no spoilers here, cheating accusations, eventual comfort i swear (sorry minnie)

Dan Heng wouldn't say he sleeps good per say, but he wouldn't say he slept horribly either. Perhaps if he wasn't so alert in his sleep, he'd be able to wake up the next morning and tell March "I slept great."

But that wasn't to say he wanted to rid of that sense of alertness, not at all. In fact, in times like these, he was ever so grateful for training himself the way he has.

You stirred ever so slightly in your sleep. It was brief and quiet, but not to Dan Heng. He always focussed on your movements when you were near. From your body language, to the way you faintly tilted your head when something piqued your interest.

With all the attention Dan Heng given you, it was safe to say he had you memorized.

And the way you were currently stirring in the midst of your slumber was out of character.

It was brief at first, nothing that concerned the young man too much. But his concern grew just as gradual as your distressing movements.

What started as a light shake of the head soon turned into your body violently shaking as you clutched your pillow for dear life. Dan Heng watched over your sleeping frame cautiously, refraining from causing you any more panic incase you were to wake up.

It didn't take a genius to realize you were having a nightmare.

Soft cries emitted from your lips, almost inaudible. But to Dan Heng, they were as loud as the Astral Express making the jump.

He wanted to wake you up, he really did.

But he was aware of the risks of waking someone up from a nightmare, especially someone with your condition. It could be jarring, even making the episode worse in some cases.

He knew it was best to let you wake up on your own, but it didn't stop the way his heart clenched each time you hugged your pillow tighter than before.

“Dan Heng…”

His ears perked up at the sound of his name, were you… dreaming about him? No, it wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare, that was made clear since his senses heightened.

But why would you be calling his name out in the midst of a nightmare?

“Dan Heng!” You jolted up, eyes wide and full of terror. You were panting heavily, as if you had just ran a marathon.

Dan Heng stayed near, examining your features just as he did many times before. He wanted to hold you, comfort you, tell you everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t.

If you had been having a nightmare about him, wouldn’t that be the last thing you wanted? The way you shook and avoided his gaze made him believe that was the case.

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” Dan Heng muttered under his breath. He knew deep down he didn’t do anything wrong, but he still felt the need to apologize for whatever his actions caused in your sleeping mind.

You didn’t respond. You were no longer panting however, rather, shaking anxiously. A chill ran up your spine.

It was a warm night.

“You- what did you—“ Your eyebrows furrowed, staring into the dimly lit void in front of you. “You didn’t… right? You couldn’t have…” Ah

Was he sure this wasn’t his own nightmare now?

“I was going to tell you… one day… I can’t run from it, can I?” His voice held hostility. Not to you, but rather, himself. He knew he would have to tell you his origins one day. But he never expected your own consciousness to tell you first.

“You were going to tell me what? That you were cheating on me?” Your voice cracked, refusing to believe that it wasn’t just a nightmare.

“What…?”

“Yeah, you can’t run from that, can you.”

“(Name) wait, you’ve got the wrong idea. I thought you were referring to something else.” He let go if his self restraint and finally reached out for you, only for you to swat his hand away.

“The wrong idea? What else could I be referring to!” You shouted.

“My past!” He yelled.

Dan Heng never yelled.

You went quiet, staring at him in shock.

It wasn’t like you were upset he yelled. More like… shocked. The guilt of your accusations hit you like a brick. But both of your reactions were justifiable to some extent. After all, you just woke up from a nightmare where Dan Heng cheated on you, just to hear him say it was true. On the other hand, he believed you were referring to something else entirely.

It was a confusing situation.

“I apologize- I didn’t mean to raise my voice like that.” He softened his voice, giving you a loving gaze you had almost forgotten about.

“I’m sorry too… I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that.”

You two sat in silence for a moment, a comfortable silence.

[the-guilty-writer]

Headcanons for Hotchner!daughter Service Dog

No one asked for it but here we are.

Inspired by the headcanons done by @ssa-thotchnerr on hotchner!reader emotional support dog

As someone who is a service dog handler, this topic is near and dear to my heart, especially service dogs who do psychiatric work. It's also important to me to address the differences between an ESA (emotional support animal) and PSD (psychiatric service dog) as they are two seprate things.

If you have questions about ESAs or Service Dogs send me an ask or a message! It's something I love to talk about and educate on!

Here we go:

CW: Foyet, Haley's death, counseling, medication, PTSD, PTSD symptoms, meanings to names

The whole thing with Foyet was traumatic. Being pulled away from your dad, being in witness protection, being told your dad was dead only to find out that he wasn't, your mom being killed- it was all too much.

Hotch was very proactive about getting you and Jack into counseling. Jack recovered from the events far faster and easier than you did.

After evaluation from a psychologist, they concluded you had severe PTSD.

You were talking to a therapist multiple times a week, taking medication, being open with your dad, even peer support groups, but after a year you still struggled immensely.

Panic attacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, depressive episodes, and avoidance still ruled your life.

Your medical team brought forward the idea of a service dog as an addition to the rest of your treatment.

You and your dad looked into it and decided it would be a good idea.

Until you looked at the price of training or getting a program dog and it was going to be upwards of $15,000 (really closer to $25,000) or at least two years on a non-profit waitlist. Some options were both.

Thank god for the "anonymous donation" from Uncle Dave.

You and your dad met with the program. They had you meet a few different dogs that were ready for task training, but ultimately you were matched with a solid black female german shepherd.

"She's from our outer space themed litter. Her name is Comet, after Halley's Comet."

That had you and your dad in tears.

It would still be months before she would complete her task training, but you got to see her when you went to do handler training.

She finally finished her training with the program and got to come home to complete it with you!

At first, having Comet almost made things worse.

People would point and stare, little kids would scream, rude people saying things like "you don't look disabled", "I thought only veterans could have PTSD", access issues, even some of your friends who didn't want to bring you along on activities anymore since you'd have Comet with you.

But it forced you to be a bit brave and learn to stand up for yourself and her.

And her tasks made your life so much better and gave you so much more independence.

Comet would "search" the apartment for strangers before you entered, so you could come home alone without Hotch or Jessica having to be there.

If you were home alone, she would bark when someone came into the apartment and go check to see who it was. If it was someone she knew, she would stop barking and come back to you, but if it was a stranger she would continue barking so you could call your dad and ask who was supposed to be coming to the apartment.

When you had nightmares, she would wake you up before they got really bad. This improved the sleep quality of everyone in your family.

Comet would alert you before you had a panic attack so she could perform deep pressure therapy and you could use your coping skills to try to make it less intense.

If your panic attack did get intense, she would do a "take down" to put as much pressure on your body as possible and gently lick you until you calmed down.

In the after-fatuige of an attack she would take you to a quiet place to recover and continue to provide pressure therapy.

If it happened when your dad was home she would get him to help you through it.

She would annoy you at certain times of the day to remind you to take your medications, sometimes even fetching the bottles for you.

When you would cry alone she would just starting bringing you anything she could find - water bottles, papers, pillows, dirty laundry (usually bras because it made you laugh) - so you didn't have to be alone with your feelings.

She would stand behind you and alert to people approaching so you didn't get startled.

Sometimes would provide "checks" around corners if you were having a really bad day with hypervigilance.

Having Comet opened up an entire new world for you, making you feel safe without having to have your dad or your aunt with you.

She wasn't a replacement for your therapy or medication, and the public could still be extremely rude. Sometimes you did leave her at home if you were going somewhere that it would be hard to accommodate her and you had your dad to help you incase anything happened.

But she gave you independence that you didn't have before and made your life so much better.

[silvermoon424]

I am rewatching Sailor Moon R again. As much as I dislike the 90s anime version of Chibiusa, I have come to the realization that she is likely suffering from PTSD as a result of the Black Moon Clan's attack. We see her having nightmares and flashbacks in several episodes. In the episode in which she is trapped in a nightmare, you can tell that she has had to deal with things that no child should ever have to. She's suspicious of everyone, even paranoid. Actually, that episode bothers me due to a plot hole. She grew up knowing the Sailor Senshi, so why would she not have any memories of them in her nightmare? Even if it's the version of Chibiusa who hasn't traveled to the past yet, she should still know the Senshi. I can only chalk it up to dark energy messing with her mind.

She also has major trust issues. She doubts that the Sailor Senshi can save her mother, especially Usagi, and seems to think that she can only rely on herself. She thinks the best plan is to take the Silver Crystal and revive her mother herself. After all, the adults in her life have thus far failed. Her parents are comatose. Her home is in ruins. The guardian Senshi could not protect her parents, nor her home, and are stuck constantly creating a barrier around the Crystal Palace. Enemies are seemingly everywhere, after her.

This is a child traumatized by war.

So, as much as I find her annoying, and her decision-making terrible (constantly running away, for example), I have to remember that there is a reason for the way she is. Almost every time she runs away, it seems like she's having a PTSD episode. A memory of what happened triggers it. She cries out, "Mama!" and takes off. When I look at it that way, it makes sense.

And you know, I think Mamoru, who went through a childhood trauma himself, understands, and that is part of the reason he is so protective of her and nurturing, even before he knows she is his daughter.

Anyway, thank you for reading my ramblings!

Oh yeah, Chibiusa 10000% has PTSD during the Black Moon arc. She's severely traumatized, and she's a small child on her own away from home. It's no wonder she acts out; honestly, considering the circumstances, it's a miracle she wasn't worse.

Also, reminder that her mother was severely injured protecting her, and Chibiusa saw the whole thing. That adds on a whole extra layer of trauma and survivor's guilt.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Do you think toby still show signs of PTSD from his dad or sometimes has episodes? (How does masky deal with him?)

(Not a request but if it seems like one you can delete srry 😓)

[If anyone finds anything I mention triggering please let me know and I’ll tag this]

Absolutely. I talked about this a bit in my Toby character analysis, but my Toby went through EXTREME torture and psychological damage at the hands of his father, and is definitely not mentally healed. Toby has trauma deeply ingrained in him and his behaviors, and they show up presently.

Toby avoids Masky personally at all costs. Masky likes to trigger him intentionally because he thinks it’s funny (which Masky gets HEAVILY punished for), so Toby just avoids him. Tim, on the flip side, works incredibly hard to try and help Toby. He works very hard to remind Toby that mistakes do not equal punishments, that it’s okay to fuck up, and that if he DOES get in trouble, the punishment will be nothing in the world like what his father would do to him.

There are times where Toby will hide in his room for days to weeks on end, unable to be around people because a trauma flare up is so bad. There are times where Toby has a manic break in the company of others due to a trigger, which will then cause him to hide away again because he feels he’s done wrong. Toby often doesn’t think he deserves good things, and will reject kind behavior. Toby has severe insomnia due to nightmares that he can’t get away from. Toby gets nervous if people are behind him, and when he hears people walking down the hall or towards his room, he memorizes their step pattern so he knows who it is instinctually. Toby has struggled with harming himself, although most of the time these days he’s gotten better.

When he first joined the mansion, Toby acted a lot as if he was a soldier obeying authority figures, as that was what his father had trained into him, and while 90% of the time now he doesn’t do that, sometimes he slips into a bad headspace and he goes back to those behaviors, and nobody can really get him to stop until it passes. Toby isn’t really happy-go-lucky a lot of the time. Most days he’s actually very very mellow, if not outright depressed in his behaviors. Toby never experienced a normal upbringing, so he doesn’t fully still understand how to behave in healthy settings, especially with such a large group like in the mansion, so he finds it hard to connect with others, especially because of his tics from his Tourette’s syndrome, which are his main source of insecurity. Toby tries his best to fit in and make progress with his healing, but even after all these years he still finds it very difficult a lot of the time, even though he’s made very good progress considering his starting position.

[nagichi-boop]

My Thoughts Prior to Sonic x Shadow Generations (mostly Dark Beginnings)

This won’t have much rhyme of reason to it, but I want to go over my thoughts of the episodes and some related information released prior to the game’s release. So this is sort of a mix of a review for Dark Beginnings and predictions based on that and the promotional information for the game? I may reblog this after playing the game to expand my thoughts, or I may just make a new post and reference this one if it’s relevant. Well, assuming I make a post about my thoughts on the game, anyways.

Since this will likely be rambly, I will put my thoughts under a cut so as not to clog your feed. I’ll try to organise my thoughts as cohesively as possible. I’ll start with the Dark Beginning episodes as they give the most story information, then I’ll go over a few thoughts from the promotional material.

Warning - Spoilers! (But also…this is a really long post lol)

Episode 1: Shadow and Maria

The first thing that stands out is, of course, Shadow and Maria’s relationship. Shadow is certainly more the anxious type, perhaps in part to Gerald informing him on Maria’s condition. But they have such a cute sibling relationship! It was also nice getting a glimpse into Maria’s sickness and how Shadow handles it, and how Maria shows concern for his insecurities and such. They look out for each other. And you can see just how deeply he cares about Maria. The fact he went out of his way to view the aurora borealis in the present day shows just how deeply he cared about her love of nature and how he carries that with him.

We learn a little bit more about Maria’s backstory. Not only is it confirmed that she has in fact been earth prior to living on the ARK (some people thought maybe she was born on the ARK or smth?), but we also learn that the reason being in space helps is because the gravity keeps her condition in remission. As a side note, I love seeing characters with invisible disabilities in media. Maria has the capacity to run if she wants, but it comes with consequences. As someone with an invisible chronic illness, I appreciate the representation! And it’s nice to see Shadow being gentle yet firm with her when he reminds her not to exert herself. And when he holds her hand before running off, you can see him gently squeezing her hand. He is so careful and caring with her.

I haven’t played Battle, but it was also nice to see them referencing older games by including Emerl. I get that Generations is all about revising the past, but it’s nice to see them bringing stuff all together.

After the glass shatters (which I interpret as time/space shattering?), we see Shadow fall into the cell Gerald is in. I can only imagine how Shadow felt being there with him in this vision, especially because he saw the firing squad shoot him. He almost seems pained by it with how he grabs his head. And then he of course falls into some void space after reaching out for Gerald. Again, I see this as the timeline breaking, especially because we see Maria’s death portrayed in the cloud/mist. Then we get that brief glimpse of Black Doom reaching out and grabbing Shadow, which leads him to believe Black Doom is back.

It’s also clear just how often Shadow thinks about and has nightmares about what happens, to the point he more or less knows the timelines of events. We really get to see how much his trauma affects him. I’ll touch on this a bit more later, but this feels like a really good depiction of PTSD and trauma. In the past few games, he hasn’t really seemed as affected by the events on the ARK, as if he has moved on. But that’s just it - he can’t completely move on from his trauma. Sure, he appears to have a better understanding and is better at coping with it (again, I’ll expand more on this as I go), but him relapsing feels like an accurate depiction of how someone with PTSD, CPTSD, or really any mental illness will go through ups and downs with their disorder.

You could argue that this wasn’t a nightmare and was a vision of sorts because of the timeline distorting, but he speaks as though he does get frequent nightmares. He is able to differentiate this situation from a nightmare presumably because he gets nightmares so frequently. He also mentions it happening in view of the ARK. I interpret this to mean he didn't fall asleep (especially given he is standing when he snaps out of it), but more like a trance-like state. Maybe he looked at the ARK while admiring the aurora and it started the vision?

It’s also pretty interesting that he seemed scared at the idea of Black Doom being back. When he had amnesia in ShTH, I guess he didn't have much of a reason to be scared of Black Doom. But he knows how powerful he is, and with his memories back, he knows fully what Black Doom’s influence is on his past - sharing his DNA and making an agreement with Gerald that Shadow would later collect the Chaos Emeralds for him. We know from the next episode that Shadow isn’t the most fond of his Black Arms DNA, so it makes sense that he is worried he will have to confront that part of himself…I’ll come back to this thought later. Even without that, it would be pretty disconcerting to think about a foe you defeated coming back, especially after a vision like that.

Episode 2: Finding the Way

We get another wonderful glimpse into Shadow’s past. It’s a bit more speculation, but it’s somewhat reasonable to assume that Maria is the only one who has a friendly relationship with him. Abe calls him a freak, and though Gerald created him, Maria is the one who gave a deeper meaning to his name. Maria and Abe were also friends, so I imagine that she at least tried to get him to like Shadow, but it obviously didn't work. Maybe because Maria was the only one saying nice things about Shadow? Given what he went on to do with Shadow’s memory following Maria’s death, I can’t imagine even Gerald had the closest relationship with Shadow. Correct me if I’m wrong, but we don’t really have anything canon to show that he cares much for Shadow as an individual versus as his science project. It makes sense that Shadow is so weary of others and why Maria’s death hurt him so much - she was the only one among many who cared about him personally.

We see more of Shadow’s insecurity and his struggles with his identity. He seems genuinely afraid because of his alien DNA. This once again makes me think that Gerald was very clear to Shadow about what his origins were and his purpose, but perhaps not much more than that. After all, Shadow doesn’t believe he has a place on earth. If Gerald really cared, I figure he would have talked to Shadow about going home with himself and Maria about going home together, and he would have dispelled Shadow’s fears about being a monster because of his DNA. Besides, Shadow’s negative perception of the Black Arms had to come from somewhere, right? This is speculation, of course, but I can’t find much to suggest Gerald cared much for him. It’s heartbreaking to think that because Gerald messed with his memories, he could have used the ARK to destroy all life on earth - not too dissimilar to what Black Doom wanted. Can you imagine the guilt Shadow feels by almost becoming the thing he feared so much?

In the midst of Shadow’s worry, we get to see Maria being a sisterly figure to him. I love this scene so much - I genuinely teared up when I first watched it. Anyways, we see that Shadow clearly struggles with his origins, but Maria doesn’t view him the way he does - he’s not the heartless monster he thinks he is. She genuinely listens to his concerns, and when she sees him become depressed over his origins, she immediately comforts him She sees that he genuinely cares, even if he struggles to express it. Autistic Shadow, yay! To her, it’s what Shadow does, not what he is, that makes him a good person. She was perhaps the only person to view him as more than just a science project. And despite him being viewed poorly by others, Maria sees that he cares for others. This is supported by a scene later as well as one in the third episode, but I’ll get to that.

Fast forward to modern day and yay, Team Dark! It’s interesting that their introduction comes after Maria says that Shadow will find more people he can trust, aka Rouge and Omega. (I’d also argue Sonic is someone Shadow trusts and maybe Amy too, but we ain’t talking about them right now.) We get to see Shadow and Rouge’s friendly relationship with one another. They may not be partners per se, but she greets him like a close friend that she’s comfortable with. He, in turn, shows curiosity about why she’s there without a hint of malice. They both openly share why they’re there, which is a testament to their trust in one another. He was listening but also making sure to watch out for dangers and saves her, much like he does for Maria in the first episode when she collapses. It’s in his nature to look out for others.

We then get to see a glimpse of his leadership. Sure, I don’t know if you can really say they’re strictly a team. As much as I love Team Dark, they seem to mostly team up due to convenience and circumstance, but he directly but respectfully gives them an order and they follow without hesitation because they trust and respect him. When they’re together, they work as one unit. It’s also nice to see all three of them being more than competent fighters.

The way Rouge teases Shadow about him going to Sonic’s birthday party in return for her help adds to the idea that they’re familiar with one another. You wouldn’t really speak that way, nor call a platonic friend “handsome”, unless you had a degree of familiarity and closeness with one another. If they weren’t friends, Shadow would have gotten mad at her multiple times throughout this scene. Instead, he sighs in a way that is interpreted as a reluctant yes (again, he doesn’t deny this, so it is more or less confirmed that he was agreeing to go).

We also get more confirmation that Rouge is a free/double agent. She doesn’t work for GUN, but she still works with them occasionally. She will team up with whoever it’s convenient to team up with. Of course, I like to think that her teaming up with Shadow in this instance is more her being a friend doing another friend a favour. She doesn’t really have a reason to help Shadow, and her request doesn’t personally benefit her. She’s helping Shadow because she cares about him. You quite literally see her eyes light up when she notices Shadow is there. This went from a boring intel mission to something more interesting to her.

Episode 3: To the ARK

This episode hurt me so much and made me lowkey worried that I’m gonna cry when playing Sonic x Shadow Generations.

First thing I noticed - Shadow smiling? I love that for him. I do appreciate we are seeing more of that with Shadow. He isn’t constantly brooding and miserable - he has a more casual and fun-loving side too. We also see that he has a somewhat similar view of GUN as Rouge does. They have both worked on behalf of GUN in the past in varying capacities, but whether or not they are on GUN’s side fluctuates depending on their goal. It’s what separates them from Team Sonic - they act according to their best interests and what their mission is.

I don’t have much to say about the fight. It’s epic of course, but I’ll talk about production and such later. I will say it’s funny to see they’re continuing to show how destruction-hungry Omega is. I also mentioned earlier that this episode has a scene where Shadow shows compassion for others - I was referring to him saving the GUN agent. Strictly speaking, this guy was in Shadow’s way and was attacking him, so he could’ve left him. But he saved him, possibly because he recognised that he wasn’t attacking out of a vendetta, but that it was his job to protect GUN’s machinery and assets. That and we get to see that Shadow can teleport small distances as a natural ability, not because of a Chaos Emerald.

When Shadow is under threat of the spacecraft he’s in being shot down, you can see the panic in Rouge’s face. Thankfully Abe comes in and tells the GUN forces to stand down, but it’s nice seeing how much she cares about Shadow. We know she cares of course, but she definitely has a soft spot for Shadow. There’s the scene in Heroes where she worries about Shadow not being the real one, which also showcases Omega’s wisdom and own compassion. Then in 06 we get to see her assuring Shadow that she’ll be on his side, even if the world turns against him. And now in this episode and the previous one, you see that she gently pushes him out of his comfort zone, has a genuine comradery with Shadow and Omega. Not just that though, she clearly understands Shadow very deeply as evidenced by her conversation with Abe.

From Abe’s point of view, it’s nice to see him genuinely wanting to connect with Shadow. He is remorseful for the way he treated Shadow in the past and wants to be trusted by him. And he clearly has implicit trust in him - he did let Shadow fly off in the spacecraft without even knowing what he was doing.

I will say one minor nitpick I have with this scene is what Rouge said. When Abe scolds Rouge for not talking Shadow down, she says that only one person who do that - Maria. You could argue that Sonic and Amy can both talk Shadow down, though. Amy was the one who convinced Shadow to help everyone steer the ARK away from earth. And in the IDW, Sonic talked Shadow out of hurting Mr Tinker (Eggman), even though his worries came true later on. I assume what Rouge meant though was the Maria is the only one he will trust wholeheartedly and follow unwaveringly. With Amy, he backed down because she reminded him of Maria’s true promise. With Sonic, his past was leveraged against him, and seeing how hard Shadow is on himself regarding his past mistakes, you could argue he backed off out of guilt rather than agreeing with Sonic.

And then…that scene plays. Shadow daydreams about what could have been if Maria was alive, and the vocal track clearly highlights that he blames himself for her death. This causes him to get anxious until he snaps himself out of his daydream. The way he says “stop that” so softly breaks my heart. This is one of the first times we have seen Shadow be so emotional, and it makes sense. He had a vision that made him relive his most traumatic memory, and he was going back to the very place it all happened. Not only that, but there was the possibility of Black Doom being back - what would he do if he was there? Of course he was thinking about Maria!

I know some people don’t like that Shadow is going back to his old memories because they think he should be over it, but as I’ve already said in another post, PTSD doesn’t work like that. Even ignoring the situation at hand - the vision he had and having to return to the ARK with the possibility of facing Black Doom again - recovery isn’t linear. Of course he is going to fluctuate in how affected he is by his past. What happened to him was incredibly traumatic. We have now seen how Maria was perhaps the only person who cared about him and the only friend she had. His job was to cure and protect her and, by his definition, he failed to do the one thing he was created for - saving her. Not only that, but his memories then got screwed with, and his relationship with Maria was manipulated by the very person he was created by, causing him to do the very thing Maria didn't want him to do. He then had to struggle with his amnesia, deal with identity issues surrounding potentially being an android, and facing against Black Doom, who like Gerald tried to use his past to manipulate him. Those things aren’t just something you “get over”. Sure, he seems to be better at managing his symptoms, but he can’t ever really forget or get over what happened.

The song lyrics also reveals a lot about Shadow’s thought process in this scene. Him referring to his situation as a never-ending nightmare once again highlights his PTSD. It’s a memory that will likely haunt him for a long time. I would say for the rest of his life, but he’s immortal - I believe eventually he will come to focus more on the positive parts of his memories with Maria, but that will take time. Or maybe just Sonic x Shadow Generations? Who knows. He also talks about pretending to see Maria again and imagining a world where he saved Maria, which we see him doing in the episode. But we clearly see he blamed himself - he says he “failed” to save Maria and how he “can’t forgive the wrongs” he’s done to Maria. And the final line about him remaining alone? Obviously he has people he trusts and cares about now, but being lonely and feeling alone are two different things. He has people like Rouge, Omega, Sonic - but ultimately he feels alone because he struggles to get close to them emotionally. Think about it - this is perhaps the only time we have seen Shadow so emotional, but he does this when he’s alone. He struggles to be vulnerable with others, I assume in large part because those close to him have used and manipulated him in the past. Plus he holds on dearly to the title of Ultimate Lifeform - perhaps he views that it’s a weakness to be vulnerable. Or given how much self-blame he has, maybe he feels he isn’t allowed to receive help. Either way, it’s really sad that he feels so alone. I hope someday he opens up to someone.

Okay, so before I move on to my general thoughts and predictions for the new game, I just want to quickly talk about…

✨ The Production ✨

…because man, these episodes slap!! The animation is absolutely gorgeous. It’s 3D but it almost looks 2D? The lighting is amazing, especially when showing energy sources like Shadow’s chaos energy or the glowing tubes in the first episode. It’s so incredibly striking. And the choreography? Amazing!! The music is also so incredibly emotional. The ones that stand out is the one that plays when Maria grabs Shadow’s hand in the first episode, and of course the vocal track Without You in the third episode. I honestly don’t have the words to properly describe everything, it’s just so incredible.

SxS Gens — Promotional Material (Trailers/Interviews)

I won’t go super in depth, but I’ll briefly mention some of my thoughts about what we have seen so far. I’ll probably miss stuff out, but the game is two weeks away, so all will be revealed properly soon enough.

A lot of Shadow’s character so far has been him moving on from his past, but this game seems to be him confronting it. The two biggest hints for this is the Doom Powers and the return of Maria and Gerald. With the Doom Powers, Shadow is having to fully embrace his Black Arms DNA. We see how insecure he is about his origins in Dark Beginnings, but now he is going to have to confront that part of himself, face it head on and make it his own. With regards to Maria and Gerald, perhaps he will talk to Gerald and ask more questions? Not sure exactly what they’d talk about, but I hope they talk in some capacity.

I assume the biggest thing will be Shadow deciding between keeping Maria around or restoring the timeline. I’ve seen some people want a Life is Strange type decision where you get to choose which you want, but I highly doubt it. I would also argue that’s a regression in Shadow’s character. Not only would he be disregarding Maria’s wishes, but it would also be him backtracking on his growth in finding himself outside of his history with Maria. Also, I know he cares about Maria, but to think he’d sacrifice everything just to stay with her? It goes against his resolve to sacrifice himself for humanity and his desire to fulfil Maria’s wish to protect humanity. And it would also mean he screws over all his new friends. Sure, I reckon he’ll struggle with the choice, but ultimately it makes more sense for him to sacrifice her again, both in terms of honouring Maria’s wishes and to develop him as a character to show he is genuinely moving on. There’s also the chance they bring Maria back somehow while restoring the timeline, but I personally don’t think it’ll happen and don’t want it to happen. I love Maria, but it’ll be more impactful to have Shadow decide to restore the timeline instead of sacrificing it to save Maria.

A few points from the Developer Interview I’d like to talk about quickly. It’s mentioned that Shadow’s story will be “dramatic” and that we will be “emotionally moved by it.” Given the response from the just 10-15 minutes of animation in the Dark Beginnings, I can definitely see this game being emotional, and it seems that’s what they're trying to accomplish. They mention portraying him being in pain, which we have definitely seen the physical sides of in the trailers. But I assume he’s also going to suffer emotionally, both because of Black Doom and seeing Maria again.

They bring up Sonic’s birthday party and that Shadow isn’t there. Obviously we know that he was invited by Rouge, but my assumption is that he doesn’t show because he is already wrapped up with the Time Eater and/or Black Doom and so can’t make the party. Perhaps he is even taken to White Space before the Time Eater crashes Sonic’s birthday party?

From a gameplay perspective, it seems the Doom Powers are intended to let you traverse the levels in different ways. To quote the video: “We needed to make sure when we’re designing the levels that the player could find a different path if you use Chaos Control, or if you’re using the Doom Powers in a certain way or in certain locations and that those powers could create new ways of getting through the game.” This links up with the Famitsu interview where they state that “you can complete the game without using Doom Power.” It seems these powers are there to make revisiting the levels more viable by creating shortcuts and helping you reach different locations. It’ll be interesting to see just how much exploration the levels have!

It’s clear as well that they want this game to be a love letter to old fans and an introduction to new ones. That makes sense - being a new fan is likely intimidating given all the spinoff games and such. I haven’t played all of them and I’ve been a fan of Sonic since I was a kid! And bear in mind, as much as it feels aging to hear, Shadow was introduced in 2001 - over 20 years ago. Although my friends aren’t as intensely interested in Sonic as I perhaps am, they are aware of Shadow’s existence. But they definitely don’t know his backstory. It’s completely valid to not know the full extent of Shadow’s backstory - whether or not you’re a new - especially given it’s scattered across 20+ years worth of spinoff games spanning a variety of consoles. If you’re one of those people, you’re completely valid. It doesn’t make you more or less of a fan because you don’t know every little detail of the Sonic lore.

Final Thoughts

I’ll be honest, when I initially saw the game advertised, I wasn’t really hyped for it. I think I was nervous because if you ignore The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic Prime, Shadow’s writing has been a bit mixed. (My thoughts on Shadow’s writing in TMOSTH can be found here if you’re curious!) There’s the infamous Boom characterisation, which I think is universally disliked. And even in the IDW, Shadow’s writing can be a bit iffy. I had lost faith in Shadow’s modern characterisation until TMOSTH and Prime came out, so I was desperately hoping they took the positive feedback from that and continued it. I was worried though, given that one was a short April Fool’s game and the other was a TV series.

Thankfully, it seems they are continuing to do Shadow justice!

Dark Beginnings has done most of the heavy lifting when it comes to my excitement for the game. Not only is it beautifully animated with gorgeous music, but the writing is incredibly emotional. It really feels like the writers poured a lot of love into it, and I’m so incredibly happy to see Shadow being more than just “Sonic’s edgy antagonistic rival”

Sonic x Shadow Generations seems like a good format to introduce new fans to Shadow’s lore. They’re clearly taking it all into account given how much they referenced in Dark Beginnings. Generations is about celebrating and exploring the past again, which feels like a brilliant opportunity to explain Shadow’s lore and how it affects to his future.

I’m sure I’m missing some thoughts and maybe I’ll sneakily edit this post as new thoughts and revisions come to me, but I feel like I’ve already said a lot. To anyone who read this far, thank you! I hope my thoughts were…interesting to read? Who knows! This was mostly just my way of infodumping in the absence of friends to talk to.

I can’t wait for October 25th!