#English majors do not come for me I see it’s the wrong *too ITS THE TAGS GIRL WHATCHU WANT ME TO DO

[mushygreybrainmatter]

It's true that the current traditional English spelling of "vocal cords" is, as indicated, spelled C-O-R-D-S. However, historically, this hasn't always been the case! Looking at the etymology listed under "vocal cord," "cord," and "chord" on the Oxford English Dictionary's website, you can see that both "vocal cord" and "vocal chord" have been used contemporaneously at various points over the past 250ish years. I'll even admit to believing the correct spelling was with a "ch" until recently. Granted, that does not negate the fact that "vocal cord" is the technically correct spelling, so I'll digress on this point.

With that in mind, however, I would like to put on my English Major hat for a moment and do some analysis.

The writers of Ace Attorney's North American localization (I will not speak on the original Japanese because I don't have the knowledge to do so) are very aware of the fact that Ace Attorney's primary communicative method is through text, and they use that to their advantage on numerous occasions! The playfulness and orality of the text in Ace Attorney is explored more thoroughly in an essay by Robyn Hope ("Texts and Turnabouts: Analyzing the Words of Ace Attorney") in the book What Is a Game?: Essays on the Nature of Video Games, but I'm just going to pull a couple of Hope's examples.

This dialogue from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney during Turnabout Samurai: Phoenix: So, um ... is that it? Dee Vasquez: ? Phoenix: Don't "?" me!

And in Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, during Turnabout Corner, we get this dialogue: Apollo: Alita Tialita is Wocky's fiancée! Trucy: That's one "ita" too many, Apololo! Apollo: (And she had access to Wocki Kitacky's medical chart!) Trucy: You got the "I" and "Y" wrong, Appolo!

There is similar playfulness and double entendre in character names. Both Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice are prime examples, with additional consideration going to Detective Dick Gumshoe, Frank Sawhit, and Deid Mann among others.

From this, we can see just how much thought goes into (at least some of) the textual elements in Ace Attorney. With this in mind, it's not out of the realm of possibility to assume that the localization team for AJ:AA decided to use "chords" instead of "cords" specifically for its allusion to music. At the end of AJ:AA, the player learns that Apollo's mother is none other than musical legend Lamiroir. Additionally, the prosecutor Apollo faces in three of four cases during the game is Klavier Gavin, who is a rockstar and does air guitar during court (and is also named "piano" in German). Moreover, Apollo uses "Chords of Steel" to refer both to a voice workout and to his ability to be really, really loud. The phrase is used in both senses multiple times during the first case of AJ:AA, Turnabout Trump, alone. With the context of a voice workout, or voice training, the use of "chords" makes even more sense, as voice training is also closely associated with singing (though it can certainly be used in other contexts).

In essence, while I completely understand where OP is coming from, I think it's worth noting that there could be more behind the spelling of "Chords of Steel" than just an association with vocal cords.

I will never recover from Chords of Steel being spelled like that. It's referring to Apollo's vocal cords, it should be spelled Cords of Steel. No H

[kataracy]

Kataang Week 2024 DAY 1 // Cultural Sharing

“I’m nervous. Am I doing okay?”

“You’re doing amazing Sweetie.”

[the-sand-guardian]

Early Sunsets Prologue

7 months ago, the world was normal, save for one small lab in the middle of nowhere. The lab was ordinarily quiet and privately owned by the head scientist (and most likely his janitor too), but this was about to change. Pac was only beginning to pull on his coat and start his day when his janitor, the only other staff he ever had regularly around) alerted him to a van pulling into the driveway. The vehicle was almost entirely unmarked, save for a large insignia on the side that Pac knew at once: The Federation. He stepped back from the window, his eyes wide and his jaw clenched. He hadn’t been working on anything illegal- well, not recently- but there was no reason for the government to be on his ass this time. A car door slammed shut outside as both Pac and the janitor quickly pulled every blind down. 

“Calma, calma- It’s going to be alright Pac. You didn’t do anything wrong, what could they possibly want from you?” The janitor cooed softly to the other as he had begun to pace. 

Pac dug a hand into his hair. There were voices outside, but they weren’t distinct enough for him to actually make out words. “Fitchi- They don’t come here for no reason! They might kill me! Or us! Or you!” 

A hand gently clasped ahold of Pac’s, and another soon took his other. “I will protect you if it is the last thing I do, Pac,” Fit gently squeezed his hands. Pac hoped it never ever came to that. A knock at the door finally pulled them from each other’s eyes. 

Pac begrudgingly let go of his janitor’s (lover’s) hands and crossed the room to get the door. A masked employee greeted Pac blankly before stepping past him into the lab. Another employee followed, and Pac quickly noted that both had large guns within his view. Finally, a third fed followed behind them. This one was not visibly armed, but the chill dancing down Pac’s spine told him he didn’t need to be. This worker was still clad in the signature ghostly white of the Federation, but they wore their long white hair in a crafted bun atop their head. Their uniform was different, too. Instead of the smooth white masks of the grunts, this worker had an unsettling smile printed onto their mask and a pair of bear (he assumed) ears attached to the top. If Pac weren’t so on edge, he might have been able to admire the clear effort that had gone into their appearance. No more employees came in, but he doubted the Federation would waste a full van on three people.

“Can I help you?” Pac asked, straightening up his posture a little before slumping just slightly again. Fit’s firm hand found its way back into Pac’s. 

“Actually… you can.” The third employee spoke slowly and carefully, crossing to the centre of the room now. The other two flanked either side of them like the bodyguards they may well have been. “You see, the Federation has been keeping a close eye on this here…laboratory… for quite some time now and we think that, perhaps, you might be of some use to us.” 

Pac cocked his head to the side a little before looking over at Fit, who was equally as confused. It wasn’t like Chume was one of those major labs right now. They weren’t pumping out medicine, or drugs, or even anything really. Shouldn’t the Federation have their own labs? Fit squeezed his hand slightly. Pac returned it. 

“Perhaps you’re not understanding me-” The Bear, as Pac was now mentally calling them, effortlessly switched into Portuguese despite never having an accent in English. “Pac, você tem habilidades que a Federação pode usar. Nós precisamos de você.” (‘You have skills the Federation can use. We need you.’)

Pac blinked a second before just staring. “O que- O que vocês precisam?” His gaze flicked over to Fit quickly, which did actually help him calm a little. He could practically hear his voice even though he wasn’t speaking, his eyes said it all. Calma, Pac, calma. Pac steadied the slight shake in his hands– the only real tell that he was nervous at all– and let out a quiet but heavy breath. 

“Seu laboratório é muito útil, e você é muito inteligente, mas… você sabe disso.” Pac could practically hear the smirk lurking in their voice. (“Your laboratory is very useful, and you’re very intelligent, but… you know that.”)

“E? E o que você precisa?” He took a small step towards them and started to study their mask now that he was no longer trembling too much to see straight. Now he could see that this mask was even further different from those of the usual feds. This mask had actual eye holes behind a thin mesh that made up the dull eyes of the smile printed onto it. Something about this caused the hair on his neck to stand on end. He hadn’t even noticed previously that the plain white masks didn’t have eye holes, but now that he had, that shiny plastic (assumedly) would be burned into his brain. 

“Eu quero que você crie um vírus.” (I want you to create a virus.)

<><><><><><><><><><>

Authors notes: Hello!! If you enjoyed this please please reblog and be ready to catch the rest of the fic on Ao3 tomorrow! The rest of this fic is going to be Spiderbit with some cutaways to Fit and Pac bc I had so much fun writing them here! Also, feel free to send me asks about the AU as it comes out!!

[cleromancy]

okay hmm quiet metal gear disability thoughts now. specifically quiet, dignity of risk & the right to refuse treatment. major spoilers for tpp ahead!!!!

i do consider quiet to be a textually disabled character primarily because of the english language parasite infection. you can, and i in fact will, make the argument that needing accommodations for how her body physically works post-burn trauma counts as disability, but on its own it wouldn't be enough for me to say so emphatically that Quiet Is A Disabled Character. but having a chronic illness that she refuses treatment for because the cost of the treatment is too great is a CLASSIC and incredibly common disability story and weaves it incontrovertibly into her narrative as a whole.

and the way this interacts with quiets choice to live with the infection by not speaking english, is so great juxtaposed with code talker (himself disabled and diné) asking her in diné bizaad if she speaks it, and her responding in the affirmative being the reveal that quiet is herself also diné (quiet not being diné is, while technically textually possible, not actually supported by the text). the scene ends with quiet telling him she was infected with the parasite but hasn't spoken english to infect anyone on motherbase, and repeating, "and i never will. i never will."

so she chooses to live with it, and the way that venom accommodates her is extremely similar to what he does with kaz-- aside from the direct parallel of rescuing kaz and later rescuing quiet in very similar ways at contrasting points in the narrative, you see a lot of venom communicating wordlessly with them both; he leans in close to kaz so kaz can see or feel him, his first impulse is to speak to quiet wordlessly through touch/looks/gestures... i feel like this is highlighted by how kaz, my best beloved bitter hypocrite, is like (paraphrased) "she doesn't talk! how could you communicate in the field?!" and venom looks at quiet and they visibly, silently exchange a thousand words. i can't get into that more rn bc it would derail the post from quiet but theres a LOT going on there w/kaz and disability, and kaz and quiet.

and similarly getting too deep into the theme of language in tpp is also beyond the scope of this post, it would derail it even more. BUT LIKE in a lot of code talkers tapes you do hear him talking about, like... being taken away to one of those assimilation schools and that being part of why he developed the language parasites the way he did. and in another he speculates that quiet refused the treatment bc she wanted to keep the possibility of revenge but considering that she is a disabled indigenous woman, and that the parasites are repeatedly referred to in terms of ethnic cleansing, and the treatment for the parasite infection does make you infertile, i would argue that the text is not necessarily presenting code talker as exclusively correct here; there is another glaringly obvious reason why quiet might have chosen not to undergo the treatment.

so instead she chooses to live with it, and all its drawbacks, including requiring accommodation for it; she chooses to put up with kazs suspicion without explaining herself; she lives with the risk that came with an active infestation; she chooses to leave when it mutates further and puts people at risk. and when venom comes to rescue her she chooses to put her own life at risk to save his by choosing to break her vow and speak english. (also, side note, Jesus Christ but vquiet is so fucking beautiful. venom saving her and getting bitten by the decoy snake in the process....! good lord. who is doing it like them.) dignity of risk is crucial to this story -- none of this would have happened if she had Simply Accepted The Cure, but shes... really not presented as being in the wrong for choosing not to. that was her decision, and she deserved the choice to make it. when her tape opens "i did not choose to be Quiet," it delves into her choices. yes, the desire for vengeance brought her to this place. yes, it pains her that they don't "share a common tongue." but also, she has made the choice to disavow vengeance, to "choose the language of gratitude," and to her that means returning to her vow of silence. this is the dignity of risk.

i do have more thoughts on this, particularly elaborating on what dignity of risk is and why its so important to the narrative of tpp, and want to come back and elaborate on this more, but im just gonna hit send for now, just... quiet 🥰

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 abby anderson as a gf hc's 】

a/n: this is just super fluffy and cute <333 i wrote a lot so it's below the cut

first and foremost, lots of ppl make assumptions about abby and what she's like because of her appearance. she has somewhat of a rbf, and she's insanely buff, so many ppl are intimidated by her automatically.

that being said, abby looks to be understood and known at a deeper level, and wants to be treated like anyone else no matter what she looks like

i think she's the typical "intimidating but a huge softie" type like HEAR ME OUT

anyone can look at her and know that she's insanely strong and that she could easily take them out, and while true, underneath all that abby is extremely kind and caring

she may look scary, but she loves reading, she loves animals, she loves nature, she has a soft spot for lev, she's grown to understand the world outside of herself and that there is more than what meets the eye, she's learned from her mistakes, and she's deeply loyal

so while, yes, she is tough and strong, she is much more than that and wants to be seen for all parts of herself rather than the surface; she wants to be understood and she wants her partner to be someone who isn't intimidated by her and is willing to look beyond her exterior

so while everyone else avoids her and you willingly approach her despite what ppl say? and you treat her like a person—like she were anyone else? that immedately gets you on her good side and gains you her respect

you two begin to seek each other out more and more bc she enjoys your company and begins to open up to you

she lets you see every side of her, even the ones she typically wouldn't let others see

other ppl may be confused as to how you joke around with her so easily when they'd fear for their lives if they did, but that's simply bc you're close enough to her that you know how much of a huge softie she is

okay okay enough of my intimidating softie abby agenda and now time for more interesting stuff

im FULLY convinced that in a modern!au and college!au she'd be in pre-med studying to be a doctor or a surgeon; she'd do it bc she wants to help ppl but also bc she loves and admires her dad for his work

bc of this i also see her bragging to you all the time that she'll be your doctor wife who makes big money so she can spoil you

(and she lives up to that promise)

when she comes home late from work she's quick to make it up to you

ABBY IN SCRUBS

knowing her love of novels, i feel like she struggled to pick between pre-med and english as her major, but at the end of the day being a doctor called to her passions much more so she chose english as her minor

HOWEVER, i feel like her brain is so sexy especially when talking about novels she's read

like imagine her going on tangents about the book she's read and what she thinks the meaning is, then bringing up the story's historical context, and then interdisciplinary studies and just being like "omg she's so sexy i'm going to take my clothes off rn" bc of how smart she is

her book collection is HUGE and she lets you borrow whatever you want from her shelves, and you can see all the things she's scribbled in the margins, her silly annotations, small drawings in the corners, her cussing in her notes about the characters saying stuff like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" so seriously

she'll find poems she really likes and tell you about them especially the ones that remind her of you

i feel like she'd love emily dickinson and the bronte sisters idk i can see it

she's SO excited to introduce you to her dad

she's a huge family person and wants you to feel like a part of her family too

in a modern!au lev is probably a kid who lives next door to her that she babysits and tutors sometimes but she absolutely adores him and sees him as her brother

can you imagine how much of a hopeless romantic she is

she's probably so cheesy and loves romance and being cute with you where if it were anyone else it'd be cringy but its HER and she's just so sweet and so endearing how could you hate any of it?

asks you to be her valentine every year even if you're her gf bc she still feels the need to romance you

will make a spectacle of every holiday in order to treat you somehow

okay maybe gift giving would be a love language of hers too i can see it

but i feel like her top love languages are physical touch and acts of service tho

she's definitely the type to cherish any moment with you, and values being able to sit with you in silence in general but also while you do your own activities together (so parallel play basically)

.... i think she'd love to play video games to destress but not necessarily violent ones i think she'd play more calm games like animal crossing to relax or maybe minecraft where yall can build a world together and have a little farm bc she thinks its cute

teases you when you get lost or when you die in the games tho bc she's a bully (jokingly) like that

definitely the type to be like "only I can bully you"

very protective in general she wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on you and she'd take such good care of you

worries about your well-being (physical, emotional, mental) all the time and will do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay

if you need her at 3 am, she doesn't care she goes to your place right away

if you're sick she won't hesitate to buy you medicine, clean up your place, make you soup, whatever you want

when taking care of you while sick she calls you her number one patient and her favorite patient bc she's corny like that

there's nothing she wouldn't do for you bc when she's committed, she's committed

she's such a devoted and loyal person in general that when she cares about you, she cares about you, and there's no bluffing involved

just a very sincere and honest person who is willing to grow and learn, especially with her partner

i bet she's VERY open to communication and to talk things out with you she's the type to listen to you wholeheartedly and give you all the reassurance you need

she's the type of partner who's SO open to communication and good at it that you're like omg??? how are you so calm??? i'm screaming and crying and shitting my pants rn???

she's a huge softie and such a loving person who looks to be understood the way she understands others; she craves unconditional love and wants to give to others

she's just gf (and wife) material like come ON

[roukabi]

Well, I said back here that I wanted to do a NYTW critter-ification. So here we are!

As usual, design notes/trivia/comments under the cut:

"Rook, none of these are animals I'd ever consider related to the Hadestown cast."

Yeah, I know. But it looks cool, right?

Orpheus strikes me as someone who was wild as a boy. And by 'wild', I mean biting and growling and hunting squirrels with his bare 10-year-old hands. He got less feral when approached with food and stable housing. With all that in mind, it made sense to give him something that matched that energy. Also, community-minded? Famous vocals? Effortlessly beautiful? The connections are there! And I stole from this drawing I made a long while back. Yeah I bet y'all forgot about that but I didn't! I still really like the idea of werewolf Orph!

...come to think of it though, we give nytw orph too much credit. I think it's easy to pin him as the brave, heroic union leader because of his confidence, but he's just a poet. He's lovey-dovey, he's gentle. He's got a very healthy ego, but it doesn't overpower his soft core. There's a reason his 'If It's True' is so sad - he's not a fighter, he's an artist, and more importantly, a lover. He has no real incentive to finish his song (for better or worse, narratively-speaking). He's an artist who talks big and loves his wife.

That said, it seems a little weird to give him such a fierce animal. But as is the case for bway orpheus's fox choice, i am a fan of designs that betray the real character underneath. His big snarky wolf persona (fursona?) falls apart when he looks at Eurydice for more than 3 seconds.

Wow, that could've been its own post tbh. Moving on, the star-like speckles in his fur were added because of his name - "the darkness of night". Canis Major is somewhere on his fur.

Now, could a catgirl and dogboy really fall in love?

With regards to Eurydice, you can't improve upon perfection, which is why my design looks very similar to @riveracheron's Eurydice design. You can see most of ismene's design here (I can't find the original ref image, sorry!) for reference. I wasn't sure about making Eurydice's nose yellow, but she needed yellow somewhere in her palette, and a black or pink nose looked kind of wrong. She's a loner kitty built for the snow. Not that she enjoys it. Also I wanted to add a cute white/yellow bow around her neck but forgot :( pretend it's there

Anyway, probably the most interesting animal decision was Hermes. I mentioned in my Broadway critter designs that I wanted to keep the neutral characters as birds. That meant I had to find a bird to match Chris Sullivan's Hermes, and, idk, I liked the barn owl the most. Barn owls are screechy and painfully unexpressive, but if Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga'Hoole has taught me anything, it's that anything can be expressive if you break just enough rules. So there.

Barn owls are associated with doom and death in old English tales, and they're known to live in abandoned houses. It would sound like the barn owl should be given to Hades, but I like to think that since Hermes is the one telling the story, he's in charge of the cycles of death and renewal that take place in the story. He's a harbinger whether he likes it or not.

For the Fates, I already had cat designs in mind, but I almost made them birds to fit my neutral rule. Then I kinda waffled on it and said "well, the Fates are kind of mean, and you know what would be fun? Wild animals vs domestic animals". Cats it is! And they are anything but dressed the same: we got stripes, spots, and swirls. They torment their fellow kitty Eurydice for being 'wild', they're invasive, and they get in fights with the local wolf. The relationships write themselves.

I didn't draw Hades and Persephone since they'd already been covered in the Broadway lineup, and there wasn't much of a difference between bway and nytw to justify new drawings. They're still critters though, trust me.

And that's it! I guess had a lot more to say about these than last time. As always, the designs are free to use with credit.

[nexlikestoyap101]

Happy Pride Month 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️...check out Splatoon!!🦑🐙

Splatoon is so diverse when it comes to sexuality and gender. Don't believe me? Here's a list:

Pearl and Marina, also known as Off the Hook - the most unsubtle non-confirmed lesbian couple (but it's pretty much canon by now). Check out this post full of evidence!

Acht - the series' first major confirmed nonbinary character, using they/them pronouns, correcting mistranslations from both official sources and fan translations. (Also commonly headcanoned as aroace or other variations, based on their reactions to romantic scenes between Off the Hook)

Orion (the green one) - nonbinary character from the supporting cast, confirmed by this dialogue from their friend. (Only video I could find of the dialogue in quesiton)

The band Diss-Pair - commonly headcanoned as a gay couple based on the fact that they appear in the Valentine's Day artwork for 2019 (by extension, the giant group in the front can be a polycule, if you really want them to be)

Cipher...

And

6. Smollusk - ^ both characters who use it/its pronouns. Listed on their individual wiki pages.

7. Finn - a presumed transgender female fish if we think about real life betta fish biology.

8. Shiver - initially speculated to be nonbinary, based on their pronouns in the Japanese version. Later confirmed to be female in English.

Some of these are more canon than others, but let's just have fun regardless, yeah? And celebrate what we do have!

Some more things I can think of:

Craig Cuttlefish and DJ Octavio - popularly headcanoned as the 'textbook definition of old men yaoi lovers to enemies 🎵'

Agent 24 - popular ship between Agent 3 and Agent 8 (3x8=24, math puns!), due to promotional art + 2020's Valentines Day Artwork. (The characters often change in gender in appearence in promotional artwork)

Multiple ships between the games large cast of female characters

Removal of gendered hair/clothing options in Splatoon 3.

Various same-sex ships from the spin-off manga, Coroika.

Multiple of the above pairings listed are Inkling/Octoling ships (Squid/Octopus) - a reoccuring theme in the game is the opression of Octolings, mirroring real world issues of discrimination and 'forbidden love.'

Jumping off from that middle point, the game is female-centric (with lots of female characters + the default for the playable character being female-presenting), as the developers discuss in a 2015 Famitsu interview:

Splatoon has always been a franchise where hopefully people can see themselves represented in game, particularly young girls. As the franchise develops, more and more diverse characters are added for this exact purpose.

This is an amazing series where hopefully all sorts of people can feel represented in one way or another!

Sorry if I got any details about any of the characters/events wrong - I'm going off of my memory and observations about the fandom, mostly. I just really wanted to share these facts with everyone! You're welcome to share your own intrepratations and facts in the reblogs too! :) Let me know if I missed anything!

Happy pride! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🦑🐙

[randombrambles]

Okay...going to wade into the Sabezra discussion. May the flying spaghetti monster in sky have mercy on my soul...

I guess you could call me a "causal viewer" because, despite being a life long Star Wars fan, I'd never watched an episode of Rebels before watching Ahsoka. I just never got around to it and I've only watched a handful of eps of The Clone Wars too. But anyway once I started Ahsoka I was like "this show will clearly make more sense if I watch Rebels" so I started. I'm almost done season 3 of Rebels as of writing this post. And really loving Rebels btw. Part of me of like "why didn't I watch this earlier?" but on the other hand I don't have to wait for the next episode and I know the major spoilers already so I'm not going to get the rug yanked out from under me.

So back to Ahsoka and Sabezra...the big questions. Did I see the romance "coding" (not sure I agree "coding" is the right word but whatever, that's semantics) in Ahsoka? Yes. Sabine's actions definitely come across as her being in love with Ezra to me. That said I can also see the platonic angle, especially after having watched some of Rebels, so I'm not going to tell anyone they are wrong for viewing Sabine and Ezra's relationship as platonic. These things are subjective and open to interpretation until anything definitively romantic or definitively not romantic happens on screen. And at this point nothing definitive has happened either way on screen. Nobody has been proven right and nobody has been proven wrong yet. Sabezra is basically schrodinger's cat right now.

Next how did I interpret the "like a sister" line in Ezra's holo. Um...full disclosure the first time I viewed that scene I didn't even register that he'd said she was "like a sister" to him. I'd never even seen Rebels at that point so I didn't know Ezra yet. So as a causal viewer my take away from that scene was Ezra meant a lot to Sabine and Sabine meant a lot to Ezra. And I'd be wiling to bet that that was the takeaway for most causal viewers.

So on rewatch do I think the "like a sister" line means that Ezra truly sees Sabine as a sister? No. On rewatch, paying close attention to the body language, and after having watched some Rebels, I think Ezra is both struggling to find the words to tell Sabine how important she is to him and telling her what he thinks she needs to hear in that moment. The problem is that in English we don't have a word to describe someone isn't technically family but who isn't a lover either but who's also way more than "just" a friend. Sister is the best word Ezra can come up with in that moment but you can tell from his awkward body language and his literal scoff as soon as he says it that its not the right word. And yeah I think Ezra thinks that Sabine sees him as a brother so he tells her what he thinks she wants to hear right before he heads of on what very well could have been a suicide mission.

Do I think Sabezra is going to be made canon on Tuesday's final episode of Ahsoka (of season 1 at least). No, but hold on nobody panic!!! I also don't think that means Sabezra is dead in the water either. And frankly I'm kind of mystified as to why Sabezra shippers seem to think that the next episode is make or break for Sabezra when its clearly not? If there isn't a love declaration or a kiss or both (which is what I'm assuming people would interpret can them being made canon) its not like either Sabine or Ezra are going to marry someone else on Tuesday either. And since much of Ahsoka has been set up, meaning not much is actually going to get resolved in the next ep (Thrawn hasn't even left Perida[?] yet! I fear we are ending on a cliff hanger), we'll be seeing Sabine and Ezra again. There's no rush for them to get together romantically (and I know that's hard to hear for people who've been shipping for years but its true).

And further to the "there's no rush" point I actually have to say I that I think its WAY too soon for anything definitively romantic to happen between Ezra and Sabine yet (and again I get how hard that is for those who've been shipping them for a long time). And I say that as both a "casual viewer" and someone who's also watched a good chunk of Rebels now. For the causal viewer who hasn't watched Rebels, which is probably a big chunk of the audience for Ahsoka, they barely know Sabine, have just met Ezra and have only seen them interacting for ONE episode and don't know any of their history. A kiss or a love declaration would seem out of the blue at this point I think. And as someone who's getting into Rebels I still think its too soon. While I agree that Sabine is very likely in love with Ezra I don't think she's admitted to herself yet (that's why Baylan used the word family when he was getting her to hand over the map thingy imho) no way is she ready to tell HIM. And as for Ezra...dude is clueless that Sabine might might have non platonic feelings for him so no way is he going to risk ruining their friendship by blurting out that he's in love with her. And not only that they've been separated for 10 YEARS ffs. They need to get to know each other again before anything romantic can happen, again imho. I want Sabezra to become canon but I want it done WELL. Sabezra is a friends to lovers ship, they are still firmly in the friends stage right now, it needs to be a sloooooow burn.

And finally do I think Sabezra will become canon? Honestly...I don't know. I'd like it to, it would be really nice to have a non problematic ship, especially after the sequel trilogy robbed us of FinnRey and tried to force freaking r*ylo. But I think Filoni and the other powers that be over at DLF (he is NOT the sole person calling the shots here, keep that in mind everyone) are probably testing the waters right now and waiting to see what the audience reactions are like before they make any decisions. I'd be wiling to bet that by the end of Tuesday's episode the door will be left wide open for pretty much anything to happening shipping wise. So we'll just have to wait and see. Time will tell, it always does.

[yamayuandadu]

"There’s a misconception that Matarajin is Shiva which is perpetuated entirely by Touhou fans." - I think you overestimate Big 2Hu when English Wikipedia itself says that:

"Daikokuten originated from Mahākāla, the Buddhist version of the Hindu deity Shiva, conflated with the native Shinto god Ōkuninushi."

The Mahakala-Shiva connection is repeated in JP Wiki, quoting an encyclopedia? And I thought the Shinbutsu merger was also not too controversial

it's a bit of a mess ngl especially since Okina seems designed to be a mess as well

I haven’t seen anyone but Touhou fans make the leap from “Matarajin is associated with Mahakala” to “Matarajin is literally Shiva” let alone to “Matarajin is associated with Okuninushi”. So I maintain it is not incorrect to refer to it as a Touhou fandom misconception specifically. To be even more precise - it’s limited to a specific subset of English-speaking Touhou fans, mostly on reddit and to a smaller degree twitter. Tumblr has its fair share of misconceptions too, don’t get me wrong, but they have more to do with misinterpreting something because of what ZUN said. Anyway, it’s the Daikokuten article which says this. Not the Matarajin one. And this applies to Daikokuten, not Matarajin. These are two separate figures. Both of these wiki articles are entirely reliable on their own but you can’t perform this sort of haphazard synthesis. Matarajin and Daikokuten are not interchangeable.  More under the cut, including a quick overview of some of Matarajin’s actual associations which get entirely glossed over both by ZUN and in fan discussions.

The fact figure x is equated with figure y in one specific context does not mean all of their associations are transferable. And in particular the fact that Mahakala originated as a form of Shiva (though whether this is necessarily always vital in Buddhist context is another matter) can’t be easily assumed to also hold true for Matarajin. This is one step away from arguing Tenjin and Tamamo no Mae are basically just Okuninushi via vague Shiva connections (or rather connections with figures which originated as manifestations of Shiva but acquired distinct identities in Buddhism with time, really).

It is true that there is a theory going back to the 1950s according to which Matarajin has been partially derived from Mahakala, specifically developing as a result of confusion between him and Taizan Fukun (see discussion in William M. Bodiford’s Matara: a Dream King Between Insight and Imagination, p. 240). However, Bernard Faure interprets the connection as possibly only based on phonetic similarity between the names. Following Faure’s and Nobumi Iyanaga’s research it is entirely possible Matarajin’s name has nothing to do with Mahakala etymologically and instead comes from the Seven Mothers (mātṛkā, transcribed in Japanese Buddhist sources phonetically as matara). It’s worth noting ZUN seems to be aware of this, since Okina’s first bio calls her an “an Earth mother goddess” (地母神). It should be pointed out that in Buddhist context the Seven Mothers are a type of dakini-like disease demon, and not spouses of major deities, though.

Keiran Shūyōshū does equate Matarajin with Mahakala (“Makakaraten”) though it also states that Matarajin might instead be one of the dakinis commanded by him. It’s actually this network of associations that matters when it comes to equivalence between them, rather than the separately established equivalence between Mahakala and Okuninushi. Matarajin’s dakini association recurs elsewhere, and there are even (mostly Shingon, but still) cases of full on equation with the dakini par excellence, Dakiniten. I’m actually surprised I haven’t seen it referenced in any Touhou discussions. Matarajin being a dakini, identical with Dakiniten or at least commanding dakinis consistently pertains to the belief that dakinis consume people’s livers to free them from bad karma. As a curiosity it’s also worth mentioning that Inari Kinja Kō from the Edo period lists Matarajin, Dakiniten, but also Izuna Gongen among names applied to supernatural foxes - another major component of the dakini network (down to “fox sorcerer demon” - 狐 魅鬼 - being one of the early Chinese translations of dakini), though one with limited relevance for Matarajin otherwise. It would be fun to reference in Touhou context, though. 

To sum up, my issue is that entry level understanding of the nature of connections between deities leads to a simplified image of them, and overshadows more interesting reality. In this case there are also entirely fictitious associations on top which doesn’t help.

It’s also deeply puzzling to me that people are so eager to invent an Okuninushi connection where there isn’t one when Matarajin already has an incredibly well attested link to a figure from “classical” Japanese mythology, specifically Susanoo. The nature of this connection is somewhat variable. We have cases of direct equation: in various texts from the Mt. Hiei Sanmon tradition; in texts from Hinomisaki (a branch of Izumo Grand Shrine); in the account of Saichō’s journey to China in Sange Yōryakki; in Jimon Denki Horoku (here Matarajin is called a “trace” of Susanoo - we’re essentially dealing with reverse honji suijaku); and in Nihon Shoki Kikigaki (a medieval commentary on the Shoki; the author went all out and also equated Susanoo with around half a dozen other figures, ranging from Pangu [sic] to Kōjin).

Equation with a twist is also an option: in a local tradition from Gakuenji, Matarajin was understood as a name applied to Susanoo after he died and was buried underneath this temple. However, they can also be associated without being equated. A novel take on the Ama no Iwato myth from Fujiwara no Tameaki’s Kokin Wakashū Jo Kikigaki Sanryū Shō has Susanoo team up with Matarajin and a horde of demons (you can find a translation in John Breen’s and Mark Teeuwen’s A New History of Shinto, pp. 142-143; I have yet to add this to the wiki article).

The Susanoo connection also brings us to the arguably most important cluster of Matarajin’s associations. There is a distinct possibility it didn’t arise in a vacuum, but rather due to convergence of two other connections - between Susanoo and Shinra Myōjin, and between Shinra Myōjin and Matarajin. As a fellow old man Tendai deity, Shinra Myōjin is arguably the single figure most similar to Matarajin, though obviously they are not identical. Still, it feels pretty glaring to me he’s not referenced in any shape or form in HSiFS, not even through a single offhand comment or spell card. Matarajin and Shinra Myōjin additionally effectively formed an interconnected network with a further similar Tendai deity, Sekizan Myōjin. This brings us back to something I brought up earlier - the modern theory that Matarajin was partially derived from Mahakala nonetheless acknowledges the influence of Taizan Fukun on his character, and it is the association with Sekizan Myōjin that emphasizes it the most, since the latter was essentially patterned after him and similarly functioned as a supernatural judge determining people’s lifespans. 

The connection between Matarajin and Taizan Fukun had an additional layer to it, though - as a core member of the entourage of Enma, Taizan also had strong links to beings like the Seven Mothers and the dakinis, much like Matarajin did. Faure outright argues this might have been why they came to be associated with each other. The Taizan Fukun connection is another one I have no clue why neither ZUN nor any fan works acknowledge. Especially since Taizan is actually mentioned in Touhou (in the Yama entry in PMiSS). I really hoped we’ll get something in SFW, but not much came out of that and we instead got my least favorite Okina scene yet, the Flandre power level deus ex machina. Tragic! Maybe one day, considering hell is basically a secondary setting of Touhou in its own right, though I’m not very hopeful.

I’m willing to admit obvious omissions like lack of any references to dakinis, Taizan, or Susanoo (coupled with severely overestimating the connection with Hata no Kawakatsu, but that’s a topic for another time) do make it possible to say Okina is a “mess” as you put it, though I don’t think it had to be this way. The problem imo lies in ZUN no longer writing her the way he did in HSiFS - she hasn’t made a single religious reference since despite these making up the bulk of her dialogue. In a perfect world, her reappearances would be used to cover the missing aspects of Matarajin’s network, but it seems like even when the plot is basically begging (once again, SFW) for it we are getting basically nothing. I have no clue what happened, though it also strikes me as notable that despite being named after a Matarajin-esque figure Megumu got precisely 0 meaningful religious references so far. 

Despite my ambivalent views on Okina as a character, I think it would be unfair to call the genuine Matarajin a mess. The networks in which he was included are fairly coherent, and represent a typical example of medieval theology, not something uniquely convoluted or outlandish. It’s not a topic which is difficult to research, either, with plenty of easily accessible publications in English. If nothing else, I think HSiFS deserves credit for opening the metaphorical door to them for more people.

[petrichor-idyllic]

Heyy first of i want to say that i really enjoy your writting! I think its incredible! I wanted to ask if you can write a minho x reader with she/her pronouns where the reader and minho meet outside of the glade? like in the scorch trials and when they arrive in save haven they slowly fall for each other? I hope this isnt too complicated 😅

(sorry english Isnt my first language 😬)

I'm loving all the post-tmr requests atm, it lets me add some variation to my writing :))

Though I'm slowing down on the longer pieces because they take so damn long, so this might not be as descriptive- sorry if it's not quite what you wanted.

This took longer than I thought it would to get out because I couldn't settle on a plot, but I think I got there eventually.

IT TAKES TIME

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Right Arm Member!Fem!Reader x Minho. Movie based fic for simplicity.

You've been a member of the Right Arm for a while, and things are finally starting to wind down in preparation for moving to the Safe Haven. Which is where you meet Minho. After things go wrong, you focus on helping those remaining, only to be surprisingly reunited with the boy you only met once- but haven't stopped thinking about.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, some violence.

Somehow, you've survived this long.

Despite the odds, you're still here. You never thought it would happen, but now you're surrounded by like-minded people, and the end is in sight.

You're sat with Vince and Dr Mary Cooper, along with some random teenagers you rescued from WCKD's Mazes. You know, the usual. The three of you come from very different walks of life.

Mary is an ex-WCKD scientist who used to actually experiment on the kids you've spent the last few months trying to save. You were a Scorch-bound thief who tried to swipe Right Arm gear and got swept into the mayhem. Vince is kind of a mystery- he doesn't really like talking about his life.

When he caught you, you managed to prove yourself useful, and you quickly joined the ranks of the higher end of the Right Arm- despite being considerably younger.

You shuffle on the box you've decided to turn into a seat, looking over Vince's messy plans. It's basically a foreign language to you, but as long as it makes sense when he tells you what to do, you're not really bothered.

He's more stressed than usual, and Mary is running around like a maniac trying to sort out medical supplies before the move.

It's definitely not an easy situation.

But it's nearly over.

"(Y/N)! Vince!" You look over your shoulder, hearing Harriet's familiar voice as she approaches you in the distance- a group of unfamiliar faces behind her.

"Who the fuck are they?" You grumble to your boss. Due to being born and raised in the Scorch, you tend to be more forward and slightly less lenient. Especially towards new people.

"Not a clue."

The group approaches you, and Vince stands first.

Harriet seems pleased, and Sonya is talking to one of the boys, and it doesn't take a genius to be able to tell that they know each other.

Harriet has proved herself beyond useful and you put a lot of faith in her. She's a dedicated leader with sharp wits and a sharper tongue; not to mention she's incredibly intelligent- so why she's brought a group of strangers here without permission is beyond you.

"I thought the Right Arm was supposed to be an army," an Asian boy states, not yet caught on to Vince's presence as he walks towards them, with you reluctantly following.

"Yeah, we were," the group freezes as Vince speaks up. "This is all that's left of us."

You stand behind him, examining each of the group as they blankly stare at Vince. That's until you look at the boy that had previously spoken- who, for some reason, is looking at you.

He's handsome, about the same age as you and is well built. His hair looks suspiciously good for someone who has been through the Scorch. Then again, somehow, the majority of the group seem relatively unscathed.

"Lotta good people died getting us this far," Vince continues as you hold the boys gaze, only breaking eye contact when he looks away, finally cracking under the pressure.

"Who are they?" Vince finally asks.

"They're Immunes," Harriet responds,almost sounding bored. "Caught 'em coming up the mountain."

"You check 'em?" Your ends land on a girl. Her hair is short and she's pretty short- but she's sickly pale and almost a shade of purple. Something is definitely not right.

"I know this guy, Aris," Harriet points to one of the boys, "I trust him."

"Well, I don't. Check 'em-"

"Vince-" he grab his arm, stepping forward and gaining his attention, he looks at you as you point at the girl "-I don't know about you, but she ain't look like a Munie to me."

As if on cue, the girl gasps, her eyes rolling into the back of her head before she collapes. Falling forward, she crashes into the ground, surely conscious.

"Brenda! Brenda!" The elder of the group dives to her side and Vince looks at you.

"What's goin' on?" You shrug, but pull a pistol from its sheath attached to your leg.

The man pulls Brenda up, letting her head fall backwards as he cradles her.

"I'm sorry," she gasps, "I'm sorry."

"What's going on with her?" Vince asks- but you know. You were raised around Cranks. Hell, you were raised by Cranks. The Flare affects people differently; some people could go for months before even showing signs, and others were a couple of hours.

The scavengers and people you surrounded yourself with were picked off by the virus, one by one.

You know what it looks like better than anyone.

"I don't know," the man says. "Brenda, are you alright?"

Vince spots a bandage on Brenda's leg, peeling it away and revealing a bite mark. "Oh shut!" He dives back and your suspicions are confirmed.

You immediately point the gun at her. You're not risking everything for this random girl. Vince does the same. "Crank! We got a Crank!"

"No! No!" The group immediately splits, with one of the teenagers diving in and blocking Vince whilst the man is grabbed by two of your own men, yanking him away.

"Stay back!" Vince yells but the boy doesn't move.

"This just happened, okay? She's not dangerous yet." The boy tries to bargain but you just scoff.

"You shouldn't have brought her here!"

"I know."

"We let Cranks in here now, the Safe Haven doesn't last a week!"

"I understand," the boy continues to argue, but you're more than ready to end this, "Alright, just listen. Please. Please, okay? I told her that you could help."

Brenda is panting on the floor. Her body is limp and gasping. You feel bad for her.

"There's gotta be something you can do."

"Yeah, there is," you step forward, "we can put her out of her misery."

You cock your gun and the still restrained man keeps screaming "no". You suck in a deep breath, preparing yourself to pull the trigger when a familiar voice stops you.

"(Y/N)! That's enough!" Maty shouts from behind you. "Vince; let him go!" She marches over, repeating herself. "Let him go!"

The men do as she says and you lower your gun, even if Vince doesn't do the same. "She's infected, Doc. There's nothing we can do for her."

"No, but he can," Mary looks at the boy that was trying to bargain, making you and Vince exchange puzzled looks. "Hello, Thomas."

Like something out of a comedy skit, the other four teenage boys look at each other. And then, for some reason, look at you for an answer- which you don't have. So, you just shrug, looking at Vince.

Who also just shrugs.

"You know me?" Thomas asks as Vince lowers his gun.

"Interesting. It makes sense they'd put you in the Maze." Mary walks over to the sick girl. "Though, I must admit, I was worried they'd kill you after what you did."

"What I did?" Thomas manages to stammer out.

"The first time we spoke, you said you couldn't take it anymore, watching your friends die, one by one. The last time we spoke, you gave me the coordinates of every WCKD compound, trial and lab."

"He was our source," Vince looks at Thomas in some kind of awe.

"We couldn't have pulled all this off without him. Take her to the tent," Mary instructs the nearest guys, "and get these guys some warm clothes."

She instructs Thomas to follow her, leaving you and Vince with the confused group of teenagers.

He blinks blankly as they wait for a response. He looks at Harriet and Sonya before he looks at you, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"Deal with this."

"Wait, what?" Vince immediately turns around, walking away even though you're speaking to him. "Why do I have to deal with this?"

"Because I said so!" He shouts over his shoulder. "Just do it!"

You turn back to the boys, and the remaining girl, swallowing and composing yourself for a second- you're not a people person. You don't deal with people; Vince does.

But since Vince has decided to pussy out, apparently it's now your job.

"Are, uh... are you guys hungry?"

One of them shrugs, he has dark skin and a contagious smile. "Sure, I could eat."

"Alright, follow me, I guess." You turn around, the boys behind you exchanging another round of nervous glances before doing as you say.

You can hear the mumbling behind you, even if Sonya and Harriet have decided to tag along; mainly so they can bond with Aris and catch up. You can hear them explaining some basic things- stuff about Dr Cooper, how things work around here, the departure at first light, etc. Nothing you need to pay attention to, at least.

The boldest of the group becomes apparent pretty fast. "So, you help Vince run this joint?" The Asian boy from before sparks up a conversation, and you squint at him.

"That's right."

"How'd that happen?" You shoot a glare his way. "I mean, you look pretty young- compared to Vince and... uh..."

"Mary?"

"Yep," he clicks his tongue as you remind him of the name. "That's the one. You don't quite fit in with them; a leader, a doctor, and a teenage girl- how'd that happen?"

"What's your name?" You ask, looking at him out of the corner of your eye. He's curious, that's for sure. You might as well learn the name of your interrogator.

"Minho," he states, "and you're (Y/N), right?"

"Hm, well observed," you hum, "can't remember the name of the woman who's saving your friend's life, but you can remember mine?"

This seems to catch him off-guard, and his bold demeanour slips for just a second. "Well, what can I say? It's memorable."

You reach a small table, signalling for them to sit down before you call someone over, instructing them to bring food.

"So, you gonna answer my question or what?"

"Trust Minho to start flirting with the first girl he sees," a boy you're pretty sure you heard someone call Frypan says, earing a sharp kick to the shin from Minho.

You scoff, deciding to ignore the comment as you take your own seat. "I'm a lowlife thief, to answer your question." Minho raises his eyebrow at you, silently pushing you to continue.

"Lived my whole life in the Scorch; everyone- family, friends, you name it -caught the Flare and died. I'm the last man standing. Used to fuck about stealing shit from WCKD, then ended up tryna swipe guns off of these assholes. Obviously, I didn't know it was the Right Arm, but Vince liked my uh... what did he call it? Spark? Whatever, doesn't matter- but that's how I ended up here."

Minho hums. "That's quite the story."

You shrug. "Not really. Ask anyone here; we've all got the same sob-story. Well, not you guys, I guess. Can't imagine what you've all been through."

Somehow, this leads into a brief conversation about the Maze and what the boys have been through, including actual introductions. The only girl, Teresa, has been so quiet you've barely even acknowledged her presence, until she stands up and walks away without saying a word.

The group eats, and eventually, you leave, choosing to let Sonya and Harriet catch up with Aris, and the boys settle down before moving again.

You find Vince, continuing your discussion of plans when he makes a surprising comment.

"You've definitely got his attention."

"What?" You perk your head up, blinking from your seat in the shade. Vince nods his head towards the Gladers, who have decided to take their seats on top of a slight hill. Minho, once again, holds your gaze.

He's not shy. That's for sure.

"See," he scoffs.

"I think you're looking too much into this." You look away, back to your plans. "I've done literally nothing to gain any attention."

"Yeah, well, by the sounds of things, these boys haven't really seen any girls, remember?"

"They literally arrived with two." He glares at you, obviously jokingly, which makes you chuckle. "What does it matter? Have you reached the low point of indulging yourself in teenagers' non-existent love lives?

"Ha-ha," he says dryly, making you genuinely grin at him.

You might not have known Vince long, but him and Mary are the closet you have to family.

Which is probably why what happens next hurts so much.

Teresa's betrayal happened so fast you could barely even process it and the entire thing is kind of a blur in your mind.

WCKD blasted through the remaining Right Arm like it was nothing. They killed Mary and kidnapped Minho, along with several other Immunes.

It was a hard blow.

Vince made the executive decision to leave you in charge of the Safe Haven. After the events of the betrayal, the remainder of the people either decided to help Thomas or retreat to safety. With Mary gone and Vince still leading the rebellion, you're now in charge of the peaceful Safe Haven.

Even if anxiety eats at you every day.

You're left entirely in the dark, waiting every day for Vince and the others to show up.

And every day ends the same; you're still in charge and you're still stressed.

It's shit, to be honest.

Just over six months pass, and you change a lot. You've gone from the slightly sarcastic nihilistic thief that Vince recruited to a well-respected leader who cares for her people.

"Ma'am!" One of your men bursts into the medical tent where you're cheering up a pregnant lady that you've befriended. Her partner got killed at the battle and you've become close, often helping her in the medical tent.

You look over at him, shock plastered on his face. "They're here."

You don't say anything as you rush out of the tent, the blaring mechanical beating sounds of the Berg come to a halt as you start to sprint across the sand. The doors of the Berg open, and for a second, you're thrilled.

Until you see a bleeding and unconscious Thomas. "What happened?" You ask as you arrive at the Berg.

Definitely not the reunion you wanted.

"He got shot," Vince struggles along with the help of Jorge and some random dude you've never met.

You rush them to the medical tent, enlisting the help of one of your trained doctors, who immediately assembles a small group to prep for surgery.

"You've grown up," you meet Vince at a secluded part of the Safe Haven, his back towards you as he soaks in the ocean in the distance. He doesn't even need to look to know it's you.

"I'm not sure I agree with that," you scoff.

"You have, kid. People have been gushing about you since I got back- you've achieved a lot."

"Still got a lot to learn, though."

"Don't we all?" A silence settles in, the shadows on his face are dark and his hair is much longer.

"What happened, Vince?" He looks at you, almost like he's in physical pain.

He explains everything. The struggles they've all faced that you weren't present to bear witness to and the losses. He explains that Gally is a boy that the Gladers used to know and he helped them into the Last City. Which is where they'd lost Newt and Teresa helped them escape, only to fall victim to the crumbling WCKD tower.

They're safe now, but healing isn't going to be easy.

You spend the next couple of hours letting Vince take over your duties, and showing him around. It's nice to feel the weight be lifted off of your shoulders, but some of the folk you've been tending to seem reluctant for you to pass the torch back.

Once night falls, and Thomas is up walking again, you catch a glimpse of the boys you'd met once. And for some reason, the urge to talk to them comes over to you.

"Well," you say as you approach from behind, "I honestly thought I'd never see you assholes again." You step over a box, using it as a seat.

"Same to you, shuck-face," Minho grins at you and you scoff.

"Yeah, I still don't understand your shitty Maze insults," you drop your head, smiling to yourself before pulling it back up again. "Seriously, it's good to see you guys."

"(Y/N), I'm assuming?" An unfamiliar boy asks and you nod as he holds his hand out for you to shake. "Gally."

"Ah, yes- Vince mentioned you." You take his hand in a firm grip, stiffly shaking.

"All good things, I hope."

"Please, he barely has anything to say at all."

Minho clears his throat, bringing your attention back to him. "Heard you've been running the joint, that true?"

"Aye, well, someone had to," you stretch slightly. "Can't complain, though- this place is full of people willing to do what I say."

"You letting the power get to your head, yet?" You jut your lip out at him and he grins.

The conversation is cut short as you listen to Vince's speech, watching as the boys get up one by one to carve names into the stone.

The boys seem to settle surprisingly fast, and with your status, your moments with them are cut to few and far between.

"Hey," you look up, the voice pulling you out of your daydreams. You normally spend the early mornings in Safe Haven sitting on the sand, letting the water splash at your feet hours before anyone else has woken up. Except this morning, you're apparently not the only early bird.

"Hey," you respond as Minho sits next to you.

"Do you even sleep?" He scoffs. You're normally the last person to go to bed and the first person to rise.

"Eh, depends on the day," you joke, sending a friendly smirk his way.

You sit in a comfortable silence for a while, until you clear your throat.

"I'm sorry about your friend," you say, and he smiles sadly. "I'm sorry about everything you went through. Vince has told me what he knows- Thomas has mentioned pieces, and it sounds horrible but that doesn't compare to the actual thing."

"Yeah, it's kinda weird, yanno? Feels like I've been on survival mode for so long, I don't know what to do with myself now."

"Yeah," you nod along, "I get that."

"What was it like? Living in the Scorch?"

"I'm sure Brenda and Jorge have told you all about it," you stare off into the sea, watching the waves roll over themselves.

"They've told me about their side of things- but Jorge has a whole group of psychos doin' his bidding until klunk hit the fan when we showed up. Haven't really told us anything about the Scorch."

"It was... Hard. Years of contact survival, moving one place to the next when someone got infected. It was just years of damage control that never really worked."

This became a routine. You and Minho would get up early, meet on the beach, and spend your time until the others woke up talking.

It's actually kind of nice.

Turns out, Minho isn't always sarcastic and full of wit; he's actually surprisingly emotionally intelligent and you confide a lot in each other.

You'd be lying if you said you hadn't started to develop feelings for the boy. How could you not?

You'd never had a crush on someone before. You didn't have time in the Scorch and no one stuck around long enough to develop much relationship. But this is different.

You're safe here.

And unbeknownst to you, Minho feels the exact same way.

"What the hell are you doing?"

It'd been weeks now. Minho gushed about you to the Gladers, who made nudging gestures and knowing glances to each other. They'd been pushing him to make an actual move for what felt like forever.

Though, they didn't mean to stand shirtless in the salt water at the crack of dawn.

"Goin' for a swim? What's it look like?"

"Dude, it's like five in the morning- I'm not fucking up my hair this early," you stand with your arms crossed, head tilted.

"Aw, c'mon, you gotta slim it, Captain- you're runnin' round here every day. Just tryna help ya relax."

"I'm plenty relaxes- No! Hey! Don't come near me!" Minho plows through the water, grasping towards you. "No! Minho! I swear to-"

You manages to grab your wrist, yanking you towards him and you shreik as he pulls you in with him. The water consumes you and the taste of salt is overwhelming.

"You prick!" You voice breaks as Minho laughs. He laughs with his whole chest, something you've never heard from him before. Scrambling to your feet, you catch him off-guard as you dive at him.

You both crash back into the water, he's submerged for a second but the water is shallow. He lifts his head, resting on his elbows to push himself up as he smiles at you.

You can't help but laugh as you hover above him, your legs tangled together.

Whilst you're having your fit of laughter, Minho just stares at you. You're the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen- like a Goddess in the flesh.

You look at him properly just as he leans forward. Pressing his lips to yours, you freeze for a second before melting into it, shifting slightly to sit on his lap instead. Your hands coming to his face.

"You know," he mumbles as he pulls away from your face, "I always wanted this. Safety- a place to actually call home. But I never thought I'd have this."

"This?"

He scoffs. "I like you, (Y/N). I don't know what's gonna happen- I just know I wouldn't mind having you with me."

Instead of responding, you kiss him again, deeper this time.

This took me embarrassingly long to do so I do apologise I am running out of new ways to do this. Definitely not my best work but I decided to not make things too complicated since things move fast in the films.

And for this first time ever, you think; maybe things aren't that bad.

I hope you enjoyed regardless :))

[alessiathepirate]

Pre-Resident Evil 4

A GOOD ENOUGH MOVE: Jack Krauser x fem!reader

Summary: Training with Jack Krauser can be quite the challenge - unless she finds a good enough move.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I made while I wrote this short story.

As much as I love Leon and Luis, I can't deny that this guy makes me feel things as well.

Warnings: violence (fighting, training, knives), slightly suggestive

•••

The sound of knife meeting knife was something she was already used to.

It didn't come as a surprise or as a shocking attack anymore - it has became a long awaited occurence. She could see it happening the moment she opened her eyes in the morning and she thought about a new move to dodge it as she ate breakfast.

She could calculate Krauser's moves pretty well by now, but that didn't mean that she could protect herself against him. Not when he was taller, stronger and heavier, making it easy for him to push her against the wall or kick her feet out and push her down to the ground.

She wasn't stronger than Jack Krauser even if she could think like him.

Once again, it wasn't hard for him to kick her knife out of her hand and with a simple shove push her against the wall. Her forehead was sticky from sweat and her shirt was stuck to her body like a second skin. God, this man can make the training tiring.

"This is pathetic - even from you." she wasn't at all surprised when the blade was pushed against her throat and she knew that with a simple move of his wrist, Krauser could easily kill her.

Just a simple slice and that's it. A wrong breath or a wrong move and she's dead.

Even if deep down she knew the man wasn't capable of killing her - that would ruin his reputation for a lifetime - he definitely had the skill to do so.

"You should be perfectly capable to perform a simple dodge. It's the easiest skill to learn. Even Kennedy knows it, yet you don't." his breathing was heavy, like a predator's who trapped his prey and was about to put it out of its misery. "I expected more from you. Much more."

She pressed her palms against the wall next to her body, not daring to touch the Major everyone hated around here - at least Leon did and that fact alone was enough to form a friendship with him - as if a simple touch could end her life. She avoided the eye contact - because deep down the part of herself what became completely ruined in this place believed his every word.

He leaned in, getting closer than he already was. This time his breath hit her temple.

"Still being shy, huh?" she could see the smirk forming on his face. "Can't even keep up with an eye contact."

He could mock her all he wanted, but deep down she knew the truth. Krauser prefered her like this - weak, shy, 'pathetic'. He had too much fun with her, he enjoyed tormenting her with his words too much to actually want her to change and become a cold blooded soldier.

"I'm sorry, Major." she apologized for something - even she herself didn't know what for.

His other hand touched her shoulder and pushed it back firmly. She felt her hearbeat quicken. Krauser, who probably had seen many people scared and anxious under his gaze, felt the difference in her presence.

"Rumor has it," he started pressing the blade a bit further into her skin. "I make you nervous." he finished, looking at her expression from so close she actually started to feel nervous.

Her mind started to run wild both from fear and a bit of arousal. Her lungs hurt from trying to keep her breathing steady, her mouth felt dry and her stomach fluttered.

"What do you say, girl scout? Do I make you nervous?"

His breath was hot on her skin and she was sure it made her sweat more. His hand what kept a firm hold on her shoulder traveled upwards. If she wouldn't have been through Hell in these past few weeks, which made her look like a person who had been dragged through Hell, she would've started to feel special and wanted.

Did he make her nervous?

He did for sure. He did everytime he trained her and made her do extra sets of excercises because of a 'pathetic' move or dodge. He made her nervous everytime he followed her with his gaze even when she had a few minutes of free time. He made it hard to breath everytime he dodged, touched and squeezed.

He very obviously made her nervous with his whole existence.

"I don't know, Major." she answered after pulling herself together and finding her best teasing tone. "What do you think?"

The smirk what followed her question was something wild mixed with a bit of danger. From what she could see from his face, she read satisfaction and excitement.

"What do I think?" she turned to look at him, cutting her own skin with the knife from the movement - she hissed, but kept her composure. "I think your pulse tells me everything I need to know." he moved his hand back to her shoulder. "I think you enjoy this training too much for your own good - I think it explains your pathetic moves."

He was close. Way too close. She felt the muscles in her thigh tighten and her heart started to flutter.

"I do enjoy your company, Major." she continued as the cogs in her mind worked with full force. "I might as well say what I feel."

His grip on her became even firmer if that was possible.

"Such a tease." the words came out as a whisper, as if Krauser would try to keep his real feelings from coming out, stopping them before they could touch the surface.

He leaned even closer, his breath brushed her cheek and then her lips. He was so close she started to wonder how kissing him would feel. Would it be rough? It couldn't possibly be on the softer side. Krauser wasn't kind to anyone and he most definitely wouldn't go soft on her. Still - would it be full of passion, would it be quick or would he take his time?

She closed her eyes as she almost felt his lips on hers-

Her eyes opened much quicker than she closed them as she pushed her head back into the wall. That's when she broke out. Her hands left the wall, ready to act. She kicked upwards with her right leg, her knee meeting with his stomach with such a force she didn't know she had it in herself. It was only a second long shock, but it was enough - she punched upwards with her free arm, the punch only barely hitting him in the jaw, but his natural instincts worked just fine - like she thought.

Krauser stepped back, letting go of her shoulder, but keeping the knife in place, what she managed to get with a firm twist from her previously trapped arm.

Dodge - he attacked back. Of course he would.

Change of positions. She got to Krauser's previous place and after a hard kick to his feet, she had him where she wanted him. Knife to the throat, back to the wall.

It was her time to smirk - even if she knew it wouldn't take long for him to get his composure back and easily overpower her once again.

She didn't care - a small win is still a win.

"Is this a good enough move, Major?" she asked - god she'll have an extra two if not three sets for this. "Is this what you expected me to do?"

She expected him to become angry, yet all she saw was a twisted kind of satisfaction.

"Such a quick learner."

It was the only praise she has ever gotten from him. Her cheeks reddened. Even if she knew a way to make him dance, he knew one to make her weak - and aroused.

It didn't take long until he had a hold on her wrist.

"I learned from the best, Major."

He tilted his head and she swallowed. He was interested and now she was most definitely prey in front of something wild and primal.

[loveuwu173]

Look, during the time that I was in the PlayStation All Stars fandom I have always been looking for new content since it is the PlayStation All Stars game mmm from the year 2010, so it is already somewhat old and a copy was discounted of Super Smash Bros meant that its reception did not go as well as planned and that in itself we do not have as much content as, for example, Smash Bros, which could be considered direct competition for PlayStation All Stars, so I know that one later gets tired of sending the same content over and over again so I came to share well.

A story that I like a lot that, although it is a little old, does not take away from the fact that it is one of the best stories I have read on the PlayStation all start since it lasts as long as it should. HMN is not that long but it is not that short It has about three special chapters. And although mostly in this community I have only seen one person who is Spanish-speaking and that the majority of you are English-Speakers,But in Fanfiction.net where is the book has an option to translate the book into any language and in English, Russian, Portuguese and many more languages, so if you want to take a look at the book, which I highly recommend because I think you'll love it, you can read it there so you don't have to go around translating with Google and then it turns out wrong like the page and so the book is called “The Legend of the All Stars” By BRANDON369 and the description says:

 

“Legend has it that there are 20 distributed in different universes with super powers superior to the others in their universes that each time must face each other in a tournament to save their worlds will make this legend come true again and Kratos, Sabo and Toro will realize that they are PlayStation All-Stars and will begin a strange but fun adventure.”

that story the protagonists are Kratos, Sackboy and Toro they will also give us a look at the other characters of the other universes of the playstation all stars, also do not want to give spoilers too much because I would like you to read the book on your own, but it is battles by explaining it in a simpler way the all-stars that are going to have their battle, they are going to be taken by polygons to a stage depending on the universe and they are going to have to fight until whoever wins wins and the others are going to have a clock where they can see the rival batteries, the game is about Kratos, Toro and Sackboy traveling through the different dimensions to Defeating Polygons and preventing him from destroying their universes is also not only like a simple thing that they have to defeat him and that's it but also the characters develop friendships, like I said, Kratos, Sackboy and Toro are the ones who first meet together and then the other characters also go making a bond and they form there as if they were a family they also have three special episodes that are in a separate book called “The All Stars Chronicles” really, the fanfic is very good, it is very complete, it comes to you there with humor but it also becomes a little serious and I liked at the end of the book it did give me the feeling even though it was a fanfic.

I really recommend this fanfic because it has its touches of, as I said before, comedy humor, which is what characterizes the author's works from what I've seen and also at the end of each episode it gives you like a info about the characters. Well, about the respective character because it depends on the episode because it's just that I also like that they give personality to the polygon versions of the characters. Since the game doesn't explain much about why they came out, it's simply known that they put them there, but they don't know, we don't know simply what they are like, if they have any difference from the All Stars, but in this one, how they give them a personality.

And in fact there is also like a little ship between two characters that I find very funny because of how all-stars the singles agreed, just to pair those two, and really the work is very good. So I really recommend that if you want a new look or something new that is well done even if it is old and it was like 2 years where more or less the playstation was popular, if you can say that, I really highly recommend reading the legend of the All Stars you can read it on watpad and file. Thank you very much for reading!

[phxntomhives]

"The parade of battlers" analysis

SINCE NO ONE IS DOING THIS??? WHY??? I WILL DO IT

Hopefully my wrong takes will trigger someone and you all will get a decent analysis

Eng lyrics because I don't know japanese are from the official music video! Also warning, English isn't my mother tongue.

Lost in an unacceptable tragedy

An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes

Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and

Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back

Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit

All I want to do is lead a beautiful life

But why can't you hear

Me telling you not to stumble

Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle

Say bye bye to mundane concepts

See how the compensated formless stand imposingly

Their presence is a sight to behold

Rip apart, drag and reveal

Throw away all inferiorities

Even the raw emotions of cursing someone

Take them in like an offering

Just skilled at pretending to be human

Searching for those other than monsters

Like the blue shimmer of

A star of the first magnitude

Far from having enough faith

This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat

Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots

Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now

Everything in this world, there isn't much

Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections

To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld

Though we have prayed and knelt down

Our prayers have been cremated

And ignored with a "So what?"

So kind

A colorless encounter, pupils of glass

Thought they may shatter to pieces,

You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"

You give the finger as you spew poison and let it all out

Scorched, boiling and trembling

A blazing fire from the past still smolders

That remorse still within me

I'll burn and retaliate in full

There is no such thing as eternity, so

There is no ending until all turns to ash

Then why not play

With fire in a refined manner?

No more need for empty rhetorics

Such hollow, scathing criticism

Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing

The parade of the lonely ones has just begun

There's no love, no love, there's no love there

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth

There's just one, just one

In this world, just one person, one person

Question fanatically and

Live the shit out of this world

ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE THIS BITCH IS LONG

ALSO MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA!!!

Yana, dear, are you sure this is the intro for the Weston college arc??? And not the blue cult??? LIKE, REALLY REALLY SURE??? My comprehension of text can be lacking in more than one way and I just followed the vibe but... I don't think I am that wrong on some points? You are seeing it too, right?

I feel like the song has a mix of present, past and future along with different POVs and I hope I have been able to separate them well.

The colors are just to show the lyrics and i changed it because pretty.

What I can actually connect to Weston Arc

"Then why not play with fire in a refined manner? / No more need for empty rhetorics Such hollow, scathing criticism. / Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing" Which could very much be related to O!Ciel's pyromaniac episode lol. He didn't forget

"The parade of the lonely ones has just begun" : at this point the "parade of the lonely" could very much be the parade of the bizzare dolls considering the amount of reference there is to them. And it would be nice considering in this case the sentence is right after the stone-throwing Purple house, since the students were "transfered" in the there.

If the previous point is correct then also here, we are talking of the bizzare dolls: "This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat / Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots / Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now". I guess the "echo of the marching boots" could be the sound the dolls made before getting free during the midnight tea party? As for why they don't retreat well, we have seen they aren't exactly rational for now.

"Scorched, boiling and trembling / A blazing fire from the past still smolders / That remorse still within me /I'll burn and retaliate in full": this could be a description of what O!Ciel is feeling in general. His determination coming from everything that happened is still going strong.

Onestly, these are the only thing I can see strictly related to the present and this arc in particular lol. Everything else goes deeper.

Memories of the past

This part will likely make the least sense, because I am still sobbing over the whole past ok.

"Lost in an unacceptable tragedy Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back": We all know the past. The safest bet is that O!Ciel is mourning, but is he? He never had the time to mourn, he moved immediately to revenge and working for the queen. So either this is just to hit us in the feeling, or maybe it's my favourite victim of this analysis: Undertaker. Could it be him? Possibly, but this being O!Ciel breaks my heart more. I am excluing R!Ciel because at the moment of Weston arc his version should not be that complex. And Sebastian is Sebastian.

"Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit /All I want to do is lead a beautiful life / But why can't you hear / Me telling you not to stumble": I feel like this either O!Ciel talking to himself, admitting that he would like to just be happy but still forcing himself to be strong and act to revenge his family. Or, high on copium, the first part is O!Ciel's wishes and the second part is O!CIel using the R!Ciel allucination make himself stronger (I doubt it, but it adds to the sadness).

"Rip apart, drag and reveal / Throw away all inferiorities /Even the raw emotions of cursing someone /Take them in like an offering": I got the epiphany after several times of reading this and yes it's about revenge hatred yadda yadda yadda. But what if, in particular, it's related to the moment when O!Ciel summoned Sebastian? I think it's the only time I remember "offering" being mentioned/relevant in the manga. O!Ciel is throwing everything away for revenge, assuming a new identity. So this could be either O!Ciel talking to himself during that desperate time. Or, just to hurt myself more, him allucinating again a conversation with R!Ciel where R!Ciel is the one that is saying all this. I will go cry now, brb.

"Everything in this world, there isn't much /Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think / Though we have prayed and knelt down / Our prayers have been cremated /And ignored with a "So what?" " : God, this section is killing me. Memories of when the twins were captured, For them and all the other children, it was an atrocious experience, while the nobles were truly thinking they were in the right, that there was nothing wrong in what they were doing. They believed to be noble enough to be above everything and ignored absolutely everything in regards to the children.

Undertarker is not being subtle. Like at all.

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections/To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld: here I am conflicted. Undertaker is sure making selections when he is creating the bizzare dolls "you get to be revived. you don't". But at the same time he is not uphelding anything. He is doing the opposite infact. Unless this is supposed to just describe the Shinigami's role to show how Undertaker is going in the opposite direction.

There's just one, just one/In this world, just one person, one person/Question fanatically and/Live the shit out of this world: we only really see two characters question stuff: O!Ciel with the murder of his family and Undertaker with the Cinematic record ways of working. Now, i don't really see O!Ciel "question fanatically" and "live the shit out of this world", while we can debate about how "fanatically" he is searching for the culprits, how are you telling me he is living his best life? He is surronded by trauma, has to go on a mission for the queen every other day, has to live as his dead twin and in this specific arc he has to act all cutesy and adorable when he hates it. He is far from any best life I am more surprised he didn't become histerical yet honestly. The one that IS living his best life is Undertaker (well... more or less). In the Weston Arc he did say he was enjoying being the headmaster. Plus he could make some more esperiments on Derek&co which, on top of that, were mostly successful! Do you know how much serotonin a succesful experiment gives you? A LOT. TRUST ME.

Bizzare Dolls (BD for short because I am lazy)

Well, ofc they are the protagonist of the animation, they are everywhere in the song too.

"An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes / Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and": Are the BD warm? Idk, but I don't think so? A body is warm when the blood is running because the heart is pumping it. Do BD have a working heart tho? I doubt the original version do, but what about the new and improved versions? Agares could have probably be our best bet but he always wore gloves (even when he was alive) so we don't really know.

Warmth aside, what I am quite confident IS a reference to the BD is the keloid scars. I did a reseach and a keloid scar is a "scar keeps growing and becomes bigger than the original wound. They are developed after a skin injury". The scars we have seen are O!Ciel's scar from when they marked him, or the BD's "surgery" scars?

Ofc it could be just metaphorical about the trauma just keep on growing in O!Ciel. Maybe it's more this one but again, I am take things directly

"Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle/Say bye bye to mundane concepts/See how the compensated formless stand imposingly/Their presence is a sight to behold": cambridge dictionary say that "turn something on its head means to cause something to be the opposite of what it was before". Apparently, there are many things that are the opposite of love, depending on your source: hatred, fear, indifference. I think in this case, since we are talking of the BD, we can use indifference. They aren't moved by real emotions at this moment (Weston arc) and even later, they are probably fake emotions based on fake memories (from the orphanage children but I will not elaborate, other theories have done it better). Fear could also work since well, most people are rightfully terrified of them. Being far away from mundane concepts? I would say they fill this box. And they sure are a sight to behold, nothing against it. What confuses me is the "compensated formless" I don't have any idea of what it could mean

"Just skilled at pretending to be human / Searching for those other than monsters + Like the blue shimmer of / A star of the first magnitude / Far from having enough faith": We are looking at the current arcs here in the first lines. The one skilled at pretending to be human and searching for things is Sebastian (it can't be O!Ciel because he isn't pretending to be human). What he is searching is the headmaster, that we know being Undertaker and it ends up bringing with him, again, the BD. In particular, it specifically mentions R!Ciel. You know what is the name of the biggest star of first magnitude that is currently known? Yeah, you are correct, it's Sirius. And we have known Ciel is Sirius for a while now. As to why the star does not have lot's of faith, do I have to remind you "Dear God, why are you smiling?".

"So kind /A colorless encounter, pupils of glass /Thought they may shatter to pieces,/ You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"": Listen, I have seen a couple of people mentioning "oh it's a reference to monochrome no kiss". But I don't think that's the case, not completely at least. I think this is a parallel of O!Ciel and Sebastian's meeting to R!Ciel and Undertaker. First because one of the people involved is laughing, and Sebastian smirks but has never really laughed out loud, the one that spends his time laughing is Undertaker. Second is the pupils of glass that can shatter to pieces. I wonder if it means that R!Ciel could be using glass balls for his eyes? When we have seen his not-completed form they look pretty empty and they are made of soft tissue, so maybe Undertaker changed the "real eyes" with glass? Idk. The shattering could also indicate the fragility of the BD that are still far from perfect.

There is no such thing as eternity, so /There is no ending until all turns to ash this made me scream Undertaker's BD because we know he needs a full budy for the creation of his dolls and bringing back to life his loved ones. And we know he can't bring back Vincent because his body was too ruined by the fire. So fire IS the only ending in which a person can just die with no possible interference from a Shinigami with resurrection intent.

Tragedy twins

I had no idea of these lines other than, it just fits the vibes. Until I remembered how much Yana likes to mirror the twins.

There's no love, no love, there's no love there: this one is R!Ciel singing. Undertaker may have started to work on the BD out of grief for his loved ones, but it feels like it turned into an obsession.

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth: let's add some angst because this one was not enough. O!Ciel never gets to discover the truth behind the murder of his family before he dies. Maybe we, as readers, can see it. Maybe from Sebastian's eyes. But yeah, we don't have a guarantee that O!Ciel will ever know anything, he could just die with Sebastian being unable to prevent it (either because it happened due to a Shinigami, or maybe an angel or god knows what).

But of course, we can also swap them! O!Ciel was so confident people wouldn't have liked him coming back alive and so started the whole identity swap, so he could still feel like the love he is receiving now is fake, since it's built on a lie. While R!Ciel's truth could now be either the murder or the family again, or the fact that he isn't "real" now. He is a BD, his action and thoughts are based on memories that are likely not his own. He has become a fake, a lie. "There is no truth" because that is a BD similar to him, and not necessary him.

I am exhausted I haven't thought about something this much since my thesis. Yes some of them are quite the stretch, hopefully I will trigger a smart person and finally we get a good analysis. Meanwhile you have to deal with me. Feel free to add your opinions pls, I love hearing theories.

PSA: I have formatted this half on computer and half of phone so idk how weird the formatting is I will check again tomorrow, now I'm tired of rereading it.

[s10127470]

What If One Piece had an LA-based Dub? (Part 1)

So recently, I’ve been talking with some friends on Discord about One Piece, specifically about its’ English dubs.

And essentially, we feel like that One Piece hasn't really gotten the best treatment when it comes to English dubs.

Like, we already know the travesty that was 4Kids.

But this also applies to their long-standing and current dubbers, Funimation.

This is probably a controversial opinion, but I don't think they were the best choice to dub One Piece.

Like, yes, they are of much higher quality when compared to 4Kids.

But even then….

For starters, I feel like there's a lot of miscasting here. Even among the main cast.

Probably the most obvious being in the case of Christopher Sabat as Zoro.

He just makes him sound way too old. He's suppose to be a young man.

I can't be the only one who thinks that it sounds too much like Piccolo.

And finally, I feel like Funimation's dubbing is a bit too…..straightforward (if that makes sense).

After rewatching the 4Kids dub, I've grown a sense of appreciation for it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still not that good.

But I feel like there’s some elements that they do better than Funimation.

In contrast to the Funimation dub, a lot of the performances have a little more life and energy to them.

Even if they're not all that good…..

One thing I really like is that many of the characters have accents, which just feels right given how the whole premise of the series is about traveling the world..

This is made even better when you get remember the Netflix adaptation, which gave a lot of characters accents, including the main ones!

Plus, 4Kids is just much better at handling the frequent comedic and silly moments.

Hell, why do you think this scene blew up in popularity?

Plus, they did a slightly better job at translating some scenes to English and not having them come off as a direct, one-to-one translation.

It's a little hard to explain, but essentially they keep what was said in the original Japanese version and kinda give their own flair to it.

But with this discussion, being the idea man that I am, it gave me the idea of an alternate timeline.

One where One Piece wasn’t picked up by 4Kids or Funimation.

But instead, it was picked up by Viz Media, who would commission an English dub out of the voice acting capital of the world: Los Angeles, California!

I feel like this alternate timeline would not only give us a much better dub than the other two, especially 4Kids.

But also do the franchise a LOT of favors....

If you know One Piece, you'd known that the series had a hard time catching up in popularity in the West.

It was 2000s. The decade was all about making everything cool, hip and edgy.

And anime was one of the prime contributors to this trend.

Plus during that time, a lot of anime fans had this stigma against Western animation, seeing it as nothing but kiddy shit.

These people are the one of the reasons why we have crap like this.....

And since One Piece is famous for having an incredibly cartoonish art-style and world, it did not do it any favors.

Made even worse with the 4Kids dub, which infamously kidified the anime to absolute HELL.

However, I feel this dub would counteract that.

The dub itself would premiere on June 2nd, 2003 on Cartoon Network as part of Toonami.

And although the would probably have some censorship, it would be NOWHERE near the level of 4Kids.

Plus, from what I've seen, anime that aired on Toonami was able to get away with a lot more explicit content due to it's clear aiming at older audiences.

For the East Blue Saga, the dub would air new episodes every week, Monday through Friday.

That's what we're gonna be covering for this part.

As we go through each arc, I'll be sharing my voice choices for the major characters in each of them.

So without further ado, let's set sail!

Romance Dawn (June 2nd-June 4th, 2003):

Starting off this showcase we have our main star the future king of the pirates himself, Monkey D. Luffy!

When thinking of a voice for Luffy, I wanted him to still be voiced by a female.

And one of the major female VAs, I've come to a tie on who would be good voice for Luffy.

And that tie is between Colleen O'Shaughnessy and Kari Wahlgren.

Between the two of them, I think their voices both perfectly fit the type of voice Luffy would have.

Pretty goofy and silly while still being able to do the more serious and emotional moments well.

And while you can still tell they're a woman, they're still able to convincingly sound like a boy.

I think the coolest thing about this choice would be that in the case of Kari, this would be one of her earliest voice acting roles, as she entered the realm of voicework in the prior year of 2002.

And about a year into her career, she would find herself becoming the official English voice of one of the most famous and revered protagonists in anime/manga history!

Next we come to Koby, who would be voiced by Pamela Adlon.

Oh yeah, let’s talk about that real quick.

In contrast to other anime dubs, this one would primarily feature voice actors typically found in Western animation.

I feel like this would make One Piece stand among the crowd, and it kinda fits since the main character himself does draw heavy influence from the Golden Age of Western Animation.

As for why I choose Pamela, especially since Koby pre-Marines was shown to have a whiny sounding voice, was because I was coming at this with the knowledge of his post-Marines look.

I’m not a fan of how the Funimation Dub gave him a new voice after we were reintroduced to him, whereas the original Japanese version kept his voice actress.

So I wanted to do the same thing they did.

I feel that Pamela was the best option.

She’s known for having a noticeably deeper and hoarse voice when compared to most female VAs.

Hence she’s famous for voicing a lot of male characters, particularly boys.

As for her performance as pre-Marine Koby, it would be pretty similar to her performance as Otto Osworth from Time Squad….which is funnily enough, a Cartoon Network show.

Now we come to Alvida, who would be voiced by Wendee Lee.

And yes, she would voice both forms of her.

Her original fat form, and current slim form.

Now we've come to the second member of the Straw Hats, Roronoa Zoro!

He would be (at least for now) voiced by Ben Diskin.

His performance would be sound like a slightly more serious version of, and I can't believe I'm actually referencing this guy, Ban from The Seven Deadly Sins.

One cool thing about Ben voicing Zoro would be that he would bring a lot of authenticity to the role, since he would've been around Zoro's age at the time of dub's release (20-21 years old).

Also, this would really funny to think about since around this time, Ben was voicing Numbuh 1 and 2 on Codename: Kids Next Door, another Cartoon Network show.

Rika would be voiced by Kath Soucie, essentially sounding like a slightly older Lil Deville from Rugrats.

Helmeppo would be voiced by Jeff Bennett, who would definitely sound like the recent gay shipping icon as of late, Bradley Uppercrust III.

Like, you can't tell me that his voice wouldn't fit Helmeppo like a glove.

And in just you don't believe me, here are some clips to prove my point.

Next we come to his father, Axe Hand Morgan, who would be voiced by Jim Cummings.

And for his role, Jim would definitely use his serious voice that he uses with characters such as Mister Moloch in Project G.e.e.K.e.R. and Hernán Cortés in The Road to El Dorado.

Now to come to Red-Haired Shanks, who would be voiced by Steve Blum doing a Cockney accent.

Yeah, he's basically gonna sound like a swashbuckling Spike Spiegel.

Which actually sounds pretty cool....

As for the rest of the main Red-Haired Pirates.

Benn Beckman would be voiced by Wally Wingert.

Lucky Roux would be voiced by Bill Fagerbakke.

And Yasopp would be voiced by James Arnold Taylor.

And finally, we have Higuma, who would be voiced by Rob Paulsen.

Orange Town (June 5th-June 10th, 2003):

First start off come to the third member of the Straw Hats, Nami.

Nami would be voiced by Kate Higgins.

Who weirdly enough, when it comes to LA voice fan-casting for One Piece, she's always the one to get picked for Nami.

And I can totally see why.

She would definitely fit the character.

Next we come to the big bad of the arc himself, Buggy the Clown.

Originally, I was gonna have Mark Hamill voice him.

But I figured that would've been too easy and too obvious.

So instead, I decided to choose Steve Blum as the voice of the character.

His performance would be pretty reminiscent to that of The Green Goblin in The Spectacular Spider-Man, but a little more silly sounding.

Even his laugh would be pretty similar to Gobby's.

Plus, Buggy's casting choice is pretty funny to think about since as I mentioned earlier, Steve would also be voicing Shanks.

Which would make Buggy's pure adulterated hatred for him even funnier.

As for his main crew members.

Mohji would be voiced by Liam O'Brien, essentially using the same voice he used for Zazz in Sonic Lost World.

Cabaji would be voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, using an Eastern European accent.

And Ritchie would have his vocals provided by Frank Walker.

As for the one notable characters of this arc.

Chouchou would have his vocals provided by Dee Bradley Baker.

And Boodle would be voiced by Tom Kane.

Who was also voicing Professor Utonium on The Powerpuff Girls around this time.

Syrup Village (June 11th-June 24th, 2003):

First we have the fourth member of the Straw Hats, Usopp.

Just like with Luffy, I have two VAs in mind that could voice the God himself.

James Arnold Taylor and Jason Marsden.

Both of them would strike that perfect balance of being able to sound silly while knowing when to take it seriously.

Also, if JAT was voicing Usopp, he would essentially sound like a younger version of his own dad.

Kaya would be voiced by Tara Strong.

The Usopp Pirates would be voiced by Grey Griffin (Ninjin), Colleen O'Shaughnessy (Pilman), and Nancy Cartwright (Tamanegi) respectively.

Jeff Bennett would also be voicing Merry.

Dee Bradley Baker would also be voicing the big bad of the arc, Kuro.

Jango would be voiced by Phil LaMarr, who would doing a what could be best described as a knock-off Michael Jackson impression.

Which, let's be real, would fit the character perfectly.

Phil would also be pulling double duty as Siam, with the other half of the Nyaban Brothers, Butchie, being voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.

And finally, we have Gaimon, who would be voiced by Charlie Adler.

Baratie (June 25th-July 10th, 2003):

Starting this off we have Kuina, who would be voiced by Grey Griffin.

Shimotsuki Koushirou would be voiced by Phil LaMarr, essentially using the same voice he uses for Samurai Jack.

Now we come to Johnny and Yosaku.

Johnny would be voiced by Nolan North, while Yosaku would be voiced by Mikey Kelley.

So essentially we have Raphael and Michaelangelo tagging along with the Straw Hats.

Finally, we've come to the fifth member of the Straw Hats (and the last one as of right now), Sanji.

Sanji would be voiced by Josh Keaton.

And just like with Ben as Zoro, Josh would bring a lot of authenticity to his performance (given that he would've been 23-24 at the time)

Also, we all know how Zoro and Sanji are rivals.

This would be funny to think about since this wouldn't be last time Ben and Josh would voice a duo of rivals.

Zeff would be voiced by Clancy Brown, essentially sounding like a slightly more serious Brooklyn version of Mr. Krabs.

We would also have John DiMaggio playing double duty as both Don Krieg and Fullbody.

Ghin would be voiced by Crispin Freeman.

Patty and Carne would be voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson and Tom Kenny respectively.

Pearl would be voiced by Jess Harnell.

And Hawk-Eye Mihawk would be voiced Lex Lang, doing a French accent.

Arlong Park (July 11th-July 31st, 2003):

Starting this off, we have Arlong himself, who would be voiced by Fred Tatasciore, which will be really funny to think about once we get to you-know-who.

As for the rest of main crew.

Kuroobi would be voiced by Doug Erholtz.

Hatchan would be voiced by Bill Fagerbakke.

And Chew would be voiced by Jeff Bennett

Nojiko would be voiced by Michelle Ruff.

Genzo would be voiced by Cam Clarke.

Bellemere would be voiced by Vanessa Marshall.

Which would be really weird to think about since she was on Cartoon Network's latest original series at the time, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, voicing this guy....

Well I'm pretty sure I just ruined Bellemere's death for most of you now since it's hard not her with the voice of Irwin now......

Anyway, Nezmui would be voiced by Tony Oliver, essentially sounding like an evil version of Lupin III.

Or how he was in the original manga....

And Moomo would have his vocals provided by Frank Welker.

Buggy's Adventure (August 1st-4th, 2003):

I don't really have anything to say for this one except that it will be part of the dub.

Roguetown (August 5th-12th, 2003):

Starting this off we have Smoker, who would be voiced by James Arnold Taylor, essentially sounding pretty similar to Walker from Danny Phantom, but without the Southern accent.

Next we have Tashigi, who would voiced by Karen Strassman.

Daddy the Father would be voiced by Jeff Bennett.

Five-Alarm Carmen would be voiced by Candi Milo.

And finally, we have Dragon, who would be voiced by Dave Wittenberg.

Well, that's all I have for now.

It's not the most detailed post I've made, but I thought it was fun to do.

Plus, I always like to showcase by knowledge of voice actors.

Which speaking of, I'm not sure how this post will do since I'm not sure how knowledgeable of voice actors any of the potential viewers are.

But hey, I'll just have to wait and find out.

Anyway, let me know what you think about this alternate timeline I created.

And for the two choices I had for Luffy and Usopp, who do you think would be the best choice for them?

And finally, I really hope @mysticalchildsuit actually likes this post since the last time I made a post about One Piece....they were.....

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Far from Entitled

(Funkinverse by @robovoidfrog; moment inspired by the finale of No Straight Roads.)

During the events of Benjamin's Corruption encounter, he, Grace and Pico had managed to undo the vast majority of the damage that Lemon Demon had caused, and forced him to book it from Philly, never to be seen again. Though as they thought about what to do next, a familiar jester walked into the topmost tower of Daniel's private mansion, finally speaking proper English instead of Japanese.

Harvester: Oh, Dearest, Dearest…

Daniel Dearest: Robinson. Great…

Grace: Huh? You two know each other?

Harvester/Robinson: I told you before, Dan. You were perfect, your rock was unstoppable! But you decided to retire from your line of work and started taking easier ways out of bargains. Well, take a good look around you, hehe! Because your power has no place in this city, not anymore. New rhythm rules this land!

Daniel: Don’t flatter yourself too much. We saw the readings, and the energy output Ben and Grace have produced by this month is the exact same as my own.

Harvester: Energy output? Energy OUTPUT? Who cares about that?

Benjamin: Hey! WE care!

Pico: Exactly! After the virus first struck, it’s part of why we started the music revolution to dispel it!

Harvester: HAHAHA! No, what truly matters is that we get to see how wrong Mr. Dearest here really is!

Daniel: Eat dirt, you little shit!

The Harvester/Robinson sighed, turning his attention to Ben.

Harvester: Do you finally understand how bad you treated me, Ben? I used to be your biggest, number one fan! I supported you through thick and thin. A lot of people tried to kill you, but I stood with you. That’s how much music matters to me, and it’s how much YOU matter to me! And after we went through all that hardship, you now plan to take the easy way out? Abandoning your career? It’s an insult to… everything I believed in. You yanked my heart, crushed it… Threw it away like a piece of rubbish…

Benjamin, for his part, was barely phased by Robinson’s attempt to get pity from him.

Harvester: Did my loyalty mean nothing to you…? Not even a little bit…?

Benjamin: Okay, listen here, Harvester! I don’t give a DAMN about you, you understand? Only my friends deserve to get very close to me, not my fans I got from making music! And I especially do not like when people like you think you’re entitled to my attention and respect! No matter HOW loyal you are, you are not obligated to my time. I. Owe. You. NOTHING!

The Harvester snarled, clicking their fingers as a light flashed in the sky.

Daniel: What did you do, Robin?!

Harvester: I was… hoping to save this for a more meaningful day, but… no point delaying the inevitable, right?

Grace: Robin, what did you do?!

Harvester chuckled as what they did became ever clearer; a satellite had its orbit destabilised, and was headed on a direct crash course to the Mansion.

Harvester: See that? I’ve sent a satellite that Dearest’s company made to plunge right into this mansion!

Everyone was shocked that they were taking THAT measure to get back at Dearest.

Martha: Robin, you’d better call that off right now! Or so help me…

Harvester: Too late! The coordinates cannot be disrupted now. Oh, you should see the look on your husband’s face now. Complete and utter hopelessness. Now YOU know how I felt when your son-in-law ditched me! Now, come on, kids! Let’s evacuate this filthy building! Daniel Dearest’s reign of terror is no more!

Of course, NONE of the characters were planning on budging.

Harvester: Well?

Darnell: This is WRONG!

Harvester: What do you mean? This was Ben and Grace’s end goal, right? To end Daniel Dearest’s rule once and for all!

Benjamin: Yeah, but I never agreed for any of us to tear apart his frickin’ MANSION! Grace and Chris live here, too!

Harvester: Come on now! Have you forgotten about your fans I’ve seen? They all want you to destroy Dearest’s dark legacy! Remember, if you completely remove him from this landscape, you’ll gain total control over Philly!

Grace: Total… control? That’ll just lead us to repeat history!

Harvester: What did you say?

Benjamin: If any of us go down this path further, we’ll end up becoming the very thing we stood against from day 1… and end up doing EXACTLY what Dan was doing. I’ll end up being the new Daddy Dearest…

Benjamin’s eyes widened upon hearing himself say that, like a “Eureka!” moment came to him.

Benjamin: Wait! I’d end up being the new Daddy Dearest?! Holy crud! How come I never realised that?!

Harvester: Ben, you’re overthinking things! Eradicating everything Dearest stands for is the right thing to do!

Benjamin: Shut up, Robin! I’m not listening to you OR my toxic fanbase anymore! We need to stop this mess right here, right now! Grace?

Grace: Yeah?

Benjamin: What I’m about to do’s gonna be really dangerous, so I understand if you-.

Grace: Save your breath, Benji. I’m sticking with you to the end!

They smirked to each other.

Benjamin: Alright! Now, all we need is a plan of action!

Daniel: As it stands, we need to rally the people you’ve helped to have enough strength to repel the satellite and destroy it.

Pico: You got it!

Daniel: I’ll need some time to ensure the safety of my family and evacuate them from the building. While Ben and Grace are handling that creep, can all of you handle sorting things out around Philly?

Skid: You can count on us!

Nene: Let’s do it!

Harvester: None of you will succeed! Ben’s fans will make sure of it!

On cue, Daniel moved the elevator he and the others were using right back up to the tower, before waltzing over to Harvester and upper-cutting them to shut them up before going back down with the others.

Harvester: I didn’t want to have to do this, but because you’ve refused to quit, you’ve forced my hand!

Benjamin: Well, guess what? I’m sick of you and lots of others trying to kill me and trying to ruin my life, when all I’ve wanted is a peaceful life with my family and friends! This ends NOW!

Back in the present day, Benjamin looked at his now-non-social media-based smartphone while sitting on the balcony of the base for his Funkin' Gang, having closed down his social accounts as a sign that he was feeling the urge to quit music-making entirely.

BluBuni: Is something still on your mind, Ben?

Benjamin: Kinda, considering the whole "music" thing that each of us as -friends do. I saw over my time being the Boyfriend that the whole thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

BluBuni: You... You're having doubts about yourself?

Benjamin: Well, it's mainly those who have heard my songs that I really feel worried about. So, er, you know how a lot of us Boyfriends are diagnosed with autism?

BluBuni: Yeah?

Benjamin: Well, after I got diagnosed with it, it put into perspective how hard it was for me to make friends before I started the whole music gig. Though, to be honest, I felt scared deep down after the diagnosis.

BluBuni: Huh? Why?

Benjamin: Well, I've seen that people have, and still are, discriminating against autistic people and claiming they have a disease that needs to be cured...

BluBuni: Autism isn't a disease! W-Why would they think that?

Benjamin: J-Just their sickening mindsets, I assume. The toxic side of my fanbase s-somehow found out about my autism, even though I posted nothing about it online, and t-took to personally attacking me f-for it... After I had to actually kill one of them for endangering Philly, I... I felt scared about taking another life like that... I-I'm just glad my family, Grace and Pico were all there for me during that t-time... After all the intrusions on my personal life, I... I've just wanted to q-quit making music entirely...

Blu didn't hesitate to hug Ben close.

BluBuni: Hey, it's okay, Ben. If you really want to quit out of making music, there's nothing stopping you. You've still got friends and family that'll have your back regardless. I can see you still want to help save the multiverse, right?

Benjamin: Y-Yeah.

He hugged her back, really appreciating the comfort.

Benjamin: Heh, t-thanks, Blu. I really appreciate it.

BluBuni: You're welcome!

She nuzzled his nose gently, which caused him to blush a bit.

Benjamin: We'll find our way to stop The X in his tracks and help Salty out. That I'm sure of!

BluBuni: Heh, yep!

Return Funkin' GF came upstairs.

RT!Girlfriend: Hey, guys? Sorry to interrupt, but we just got finished setting up the dance stage downstairs, if one of you wants to give it a test while Mix and B-Bot are researching on the X.

Benjamin: Heh, of course!

BluBuni: Count me in!

Benjamin: If anything works to help take my mind off of some rough stuff, it'll do!

RT!Girlfriend: Heh, I saw Grace was getting excited to do a duet dance with you on the game we got plugged.

Benjamin (blushing): S-She was?

RT!Girlfriend: Mhm!

BluBuni: I'll definitely join if there's a trio routine or two on there!

Benjamin: Sweet! Let's go! And... thanks for being there for me, Blu.

BluBuni: Hehe! Anytime!

They headed downstairs. Over in the computer room, B-Bot and MIX Boyfriend were running scans to identify a weakness in The X.

MIX BF: I swear, he got insanely powerful within only a couple of days. How are we meant to find a weak spot in him?

B-Bot: We'll figure it out. He's still not at an unstoppable level, so we should still have time! I just hope we're not too late in trying to help Salty out...

Amongst the data gathered, B-Bot was shocked to discover a canon event tied to Evan; his set-to-be demise at the hands of a menace resonating in a TV channel, Kirk Odd.

B-Bot: What even IS that thing? Urgh... Whatever it is, I won't let Evan have to face it alone!

He took the data and got ready to relay it to Benjamin later.

[geneticallymodifiedidiot]

funny stupid sad angry post

uh so the poll said yes

so here goes? i've got no idea how to do this

tw: vent, self-sabotage, sh/cutting, eating disorder(?)/calorie counting, suicide ideation

please for the love of god if any of these trigger you in any way don't read this through. i'm not worth making your triggers worse. don't do that to yourself.

this is a really long fucking post. we'll see if i end up deleting it. if people just tell me that my problems aren't that bad (which is totally possible) then i'll delete it. no harm done.

let the brain dump begin

why am i doing this? it's not like i'd let myself accept help if anyone decided to try

uh idk it feels like i'm not doing enough

i'm not good enough for my friends, my school performance isn't good enough, i'm not doing enough to help other in general, i'm not doing enough to maintain relationships with my family and other people close to me, my "skills" aren't good enough, my problem aren't good enough to be considered problems, a lot of stuff like that

like the friend thing is like i feel like my friends are way better at being supportive and helping each other than i am, i'm trying my best but i can't seem to do enough because we're all just sad and i feel like i can't help

i constantly want to tell my friends "hey, you guys know that if i'm not a good enough friend, you can leave/stop being my friend and i won't get mad, right?" but i don't because i'm worried they actually might.

i went on a really long trip overseas this past summer and spent some time with family and i feel like i was a terrible person the whole time because my egg had cracked like a solid two weeks beforehand and i hated the idea of having to exist as two people at once bc my family has not exactly presented themselves as the most trans-friendly people but they also haven't made it so it's obviously a bad idea to come out to them. just a collection of offhand comments and unclear/lack of messaging around trans people has made it so i feel like it would be a bad idea, but if i'm wrong, then these people deserve better from me and not for me to hide myself from them.

the most unclear part of this for me is my mom, because like she's not the best but it's not obvious to me if she's actually bad. like i've seen a lot of things especially on this site about how trauma and abuse are overused terms but i don't know what qualifies. whenever i see examples i seem to fall in a middle ground between them. like it's mostly mental. she doesn't hit me (although idk i feel like i might remember some stuff from very long ago and there's one major event that i'm not going to get into) but there's just some things. like when i tried to come out as aroace, she never explicitly rejected that, but she also didn't... say anything. both times. and also when i first told her that i thought i might have adhd, she said something along the lines of "oh yeah, when you were young the doctor said you had some adhd tendencies, but we're not going to get you diagnosed because i don't want you to use it as an excuse." which, i guess, but something doesn't seem right about that.

but she's not explicitly terrible either, like i have stuff. she lets me leave the house pretty often. she's not super uptight about grades as long as i don't miss assignments. idk, it's super confusing. it's not entirely her fault either, she's an immigrant and english is her second language. there's a big age gap between us (40 years) its probably hard for her to raise a child, especially one as horrifically difficult to deal with as me. one time she said she hated me, but she apologized later and said she misspoke. which is fair i guess, she was under stress at the time. if i was her, id probably hate me too. idk i feel bad for saying i miss my dad (he died 5 years ago) my mom's trying her best and she got the bad luck of getting a child that is much more difficult than she bargained for. god im a terrible child lol.

oh, on the adhd thing- i feel like i exhibit symptoms for adhd pretty recognizably (although im not diagnosed, so its technically possible that i don't and i just need to try a little bit harder) but also i feel like i exhibit some signs of autism. but again. what. the heck. qualifies. i don't like drums (especially snare drums, which are RIGHT BEHIND ME IN BAND WHY-) and im bad with convoluted noise in general. but also like, i don't exhibit this all the time. sometimes i won't even notice drums all that much. sometimes i realize lights are way too bright like five minutes after being around them. i get hyperfixations, but im pretty sure that could just be the adhd thing. im bad at talking to people but again, i could just be bad. i scored 150 on the RAADS-R test, but that's not a diagnosis. idk. hah.

i'm outright just a negative person to be around, i can't think of a single person that is better off because i'm in their life. they either have to deal with all of my problems or i just end up not talking to them as much as a good friend should.

also i feel like my "skills" are really bad to the point that i can barely call them skills. in band, on my first instrument (euphonium) i'm first chair in the symphonic/advanced/audition band (somehow) but there's this one interval in a solo that i cannot nail down. and its annoying. in marching band its even worse, im on sousaphone which some would say is the most important instrument, but the director tells us to play louder all the freaking time (there's only 7 sousaphones and the band is like 200 people). my rank tells me im playing well but like. aaa. i could be playing better. last years rank leader was so ridiculously loud and i don't think i can match him.

other "skill" is cooking. some people might have seen the attempt at bread that i made. and the interior is just a mass of gluten. like. come on, i can do better than that. and then i also made like a chili dish to go with the bread, and the recipe called for too many beans. i should've recognized it, but no. there are too many beans. im annoyed. my mom doesn't like to eat beans that much so i feel like i failed her too. which, lovely.

ehhhh yeah i can talk about dysphoria here too. why not. idk one thing that made me spiral a bit was one of the people im not out to in marching band said "deadname you should get a buzz cut again it looked good" (i had a buzz cut for much of my childhood because long hair felt too hot) and fucking- i look better with a buzz cut than with long hair?! fucking murder me! oh my god! should i even transition as an adult at this point, i'd probably look even worse than i do now! am i just goddamn destined to be unhappy with my appearance?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ok tw for sh for this next part

so all this manifested in a cutting habit (yippee) which is. mildly terrifying. but also i feel like this problem is also inferior because they aren't all that deep. like i see things about sh support that are like "here's how you know you hit an artery" and im like well. that's not been a problem insofar. maybe im being dramatic about this.

i don't even know why i do it. i don't feel particularly better when i do it. i guess i could be like adrenaline doping but that's not that big of a thing. it doesn't make me like special or worse than other people, cutting isn't that uncommon from what i've seen. 52% of trans girls reported self-injury over the past year (per the trevor project)

the annoying this is even when i see a way out i don't take it. when i first started i was using a partially rusted razor which i completely recognized as dangerous but like. i have my shots (thanks mom.) so that happened for a while until the rust got to the point where the blade was dull. yeah, that's the reason i stopped using a rusty knife: not because of the rust and the tetanus risk, but because the blade was getting dull. that's fucking pathetic.

so instead of stopping like a normal fucking person i (still cannot believe i did this) went on amazon and bought a $10 pocketknife. and now that's just on my person. i could've stopped, i had an out, but i spent money on a different knife. s t u p i d.

tw suicide ideation

oh, something else horrifying? the thoughts i had regarding sh like... two months prior to starting are. shockingly similar to the thoughts i have regarding suicide. (i don't think i'm going to commit suicide, that's a bit more commitment that a few scars on my forearm and thighs). but i mean like, i like to sleep. maybe this wouldn't be too different. people wouldn't have to worry about me anymore.

and don't tell me i "matter," i'm perfectly aware of the 143.8lbs of matter i take up in this universe i take up and how much of a waste it is. possible eating disorder tw for the next part.

okay like. im weird with food. what the hell counts as an eating disorder. im not underweight, (i know this is not an end-all be-all by any stretch of a hyperflexible imagination, but my bmi's 19.0. that's technically in the healthy range). i'm skinnier than i was 18 months ago. but like. i'm not wasting away. i just have a calorie-counting habit that is. annoying. along with a general fear of gaining weight. sometimes i'll eat what i feel is too much and i have an urge to make myself vomit (i've never done that before, but i have a general idea) but the thing that stops me is the vivid image of my esophagus dissolving. which i guess is good.

why? i don't know. that's a theme here, isn't it. i don't know why im the stupid ridiculous way that i am, which probably means im bullshitting everything. but i don't know. it's like all my issues are on the borderline of "okay you need actual help" and "eh, you'll probably be fine. just push through it." which again probably suggests that im actually fine and being ridiculous about everything. i'm not the only person in this world who has dysphoria. im not the only person whos unsure about coming out to their family. im not the only person who engages in self-injury. im not the only person who has suicidative thoughts from time to time. i have what most people would call a good life. im physically able-bodied, lean, fit into the school system, have a parent, i live near a school, and im not under threat of dying by someone else's hand. these are all advantages that tons of people probably wish they had. why do i complain so much. im so ready for this post to get a response of "this is nothing, just deal with it. good god." and that's fair.

idk, i guess im tired. im tired of avoiding the mirror constantly, tired of keeping a running track of the amount of energy ive consumed in the past 24 hours, tired of doing the same thing each day with no real end in sight, tired of feeling like i need to push myself harder, tired of seeing an arm covered in scars when i reach over myself to turn off the light each night when i go to sleep, tired of going to sleep and sometimes wishing i wouldn't wake up.

do i even deserve anything. do i deserve friends. do i deserve to be happy. do i deserve to get the things i want. do i deserve a good life. do i deserve to transition if i want to. do i deserve help. do i deserve to take up societies resources, whether that be food, water, medical care, or therapy.

do i deserve to live?

if you read this far, uh. im sorry. this probably took a long time that could be better dedicated to something more important than a random teenager on the internet. but here we are.

if you want to say something 1. probably don't. my brain has found a way to basically not let me accept help but if you want to try, that's your prerogative. 2. if you want to say something but don't know what to say, that's fine. i know the feeling and what the hell do you say to whatever this post is anyway.