#Either he’s a ‘mens-13-in-ones’ kinda guy or a ‘uses physical self care as a way to distract from horrific mental self care’ kinda guy

[autumn-may]

love thinking of sad traumatized edgy characters in normal situations but not in a ‘how do you think X event affected the way they handle everyday life’ kinda way but in a ‘what do you think 358/2 days rikus hair care routine is like’ kinda way

[aurorae-system]

self-imposed ask game question answering as a system exercise!

Answering ones we know we have an immediate answer to. I'll probably challenge myself to answer harder ones sometime soon :] ~

3. How do you figure out who you are in the moment?

Usually we do something or react to something in a way where we're like "Haha [alter] would totally do that" ... "wait a minute—". then we try to Feel Our Vibe to confirm it. sometimes we can, sometimes we can't.

7. What’s sexuality like for you? Does having multiple parts affect your relationships?

It's a fucking mess </3. We don't have nor have we actually ever had a romantic relationship, but it's certainly made crushes and pining extremely difficult to navigate.

Some of us love the idea of romance. Some of us are neutral about it. Some of us hate romance and think it's stupid/fake/etc. Then some of us like exclusively men. While some of us are bi. Some are aroace. Some are aro w/ sexual attraction. Some are ace w/ romantic attraction. Some have no idea and don't care.

And before we were aware of the system, this made romantic endeavors practically impossible. Oh I really like this guy... Ew no I don't?! Love is a lie, I'm never getting involved with romance. Love is what makes the world go round, I need a partner!!! Man, that girl is really attractive. Yeah I just can't see myself ever being attracted or being interested in women. It's never happened, soooo. And so on lmao.

12. Do any of your parts have special relationships with eachother? Would you like to share about some?

Yep! We have two littles who are twins, and then they also have a little sibling! So 3 of our littles are family. That's the only relationship/connection any of our alters have with one another that we are aware of.

13. Do you have parts that oppose eachother? (In views, personality, ect)

Oh god yes. Honestly that's what kinda got us to start questioning being a system. We'd share an opinion with friends, or make some type of comment on something. Then later (sometimes even that same day lmao) look back and go "Huh? Why did I say that... I don't think that. Like at all. Wtf...?" We could still remember doing it, but it was like... It didn't feel like "I" had said that. I had just chalked it up to BPD for awhile until I finally had more Realizations, lol.

14. Who’s the part that is most likely to deal with high-stress situations first?

Hmm... either Nine or Locke, probably. Though it depends what the stressor is/what happened. Because Night gets triggered to front usually whenever the stress is specifically someone doing something that violates our boundaries, values, self-respect, etc. Which does happen in this house often lmao.

While Nine is our primary protector and fronts in either more general stressful events or events where it wasn't super interpersonally sensitive. Though he almost always handles interpersonal arguments and assertive communication.

Locke is kinda... tbh don't really know what his deal is exactly. He seems to front when we really need to not be emotionally there At All. His emotions are very dull, but they're still there. He's just calm and regulated. It's extremely difficult to rile him up. This seems to happen in stressful situations where no action on our part is needed. We don't need to actively protect ourselves because we either won't need to at all or don't need to yet.

18. Are there any reoccurring themes or symbolism in your system? Would you like to share about it?

The only one I can think of is wearing earrings KDJNSJD. Like, almost every teen and up alter has earrings, even (or especially) the guys. Does kinda make sense personally. For some reason as a kid I just... really loved the idea of earrings and getting my ears pierced. But I never could.

25. Do you know what your parts look like? If so, how do you visualize them?

Most of them, yeah. Usually it starts out, upon discovery, getting flashing images in my head on a few main physical characteristics. Typically hair color, vague hairstyle, and a facial expression. Then I try to focus on that to get a clearer image and/or acquire more details on other parts of their appearance. Lastly, I go to picrew and just kinda trial and error the rest. Try and let them tell me what to pick or otherwise push me in the correct directions. Then if they eventually front, it may get refined by them.

27. Has anyone ever told you something you did or said without you knowing?

YEAH LOL. It hasn't happened too many times, but it's happened. Typically it's about sometime in the relative past, though.

I always thought I had a really good memory, and to my knowledge I did. I always shocked people with remembering minor things in surprising detail. And I never had any trouble with memorization when it came to assessments in school. I liked to refer to my memory growing up as "semi photographic". I could study a piece of paper, say a page from a study guide, for a few minutes and I'd have it memorized. I could visualize it in my head and read it from that visualization with very high accuracy. I could remember and recall things I heard, or parts of them, almost exactly word-for-word. But it didn't seem to be 100% on par with how photographic memory was usually described.

So when someone referenced something I supposedly did, like, 6 months–a year ago, and I can't remember ANYTHING about what they're talking about, it was very unnerving. Something that many others also very clearly remember me doing. Sometimes I would think they're messing with me if it was just one person. Like yeah right. If I have no memory whatsoever of doing that, I obviously didn't actually do it. I of all people would surely remember.

29. How many known parts do you have, if you can count?

As of 1/1/23, I am aware of 18 alters, not including me.

Because uh... I honest to god do not know if whoever I am is the host, or if maybe "I'm" just the persona we've masked as for like almost a decade now. Like a bow on a present, if that makes any sense. Am I [Host]? Or am I an already known (or unknown) alter masking and just using the name we've gone by for 8+ years now?? No idea!!

[sailormurkury]

History3: MODC review I guess?

Word Count: around 2,080

Warning: Potential Spoiler for POSE Season 2. I’m not sure if it’s been streaming globally yet, but I mention the death of a character.

I fell in love with the BL drama HIStory this past August. It was after coming across a video on twitter of two men embracing, kissing and both breaking down in tears on the floor of a lavish, minimalistic, bedroom. After a bit of digging in the replies, I learned the name of the show, History3: Trapped. One google later, I’m on VIKI and I find the entire first half-season which had just wrapped up two months prior. The rest of that month was spent binging it and the first 2 seasons (and The Untamed). This week the second half of the beloved drama’s third season which has been hailed the best BL drama of 2019, possibly all-time, ended with a thud on the 18th. Prior to this week it had a solid score of 9.5 on MyDramaLive where it now sits at 8.5. (Rating seems to be falling slightly every 2-3 days, now sits at 8.4.) This season’s love story focused on the story between Yu Xi Gu, an orphan, loner, and presumptive valedictorian of Zenren High and Xiang Hao Ting, the carefree Mr. popular of the school. The show also follows a side couple, HaoTing’s best friend Sun Bo Xiang and Xi Gu’s boss, Lu Zhi Gang. This season focused on the blossoming of these two couples’ relationships in such a way that most of us thought “Oh wow they’re going for full on happy go lucky in love” and while they met challenges like HaoTing’s homophobic parents and entrance exams they managed to fight for each other with their relationship getting stronger every time. That was until this week’s finale when we were served with a plate of Deadly Distant Finale with a side of Bury Your Gays and a glass Gay for You.

I initially thought that I was okay with the finale in a similar way to how I was with the finale of HIStory3: Trapped. That was bittersweet yet common sense. Shao Fei was a cop, Tang Yi a mob boss who shot an officer, he “had” to go to jail. Yet the more I thought about it I felt grieved, insulted rather by MODCs finale. So, like everyone else is doing on social media, I’m going to nitpick the hell out of it as part of my “healing process.” Also, while all of us are upset, unfortunately as in the summer, some fans are attacking the cast and crew. In the words of the master heart crusher, Shonda Rhimes, “Don’t tweet them your crazy,” or...whatever the weibo equivalent is. So, before the nitpicking, a caveat. My beef is with the lazy writing of episode 10, this entire cast was outstanding from Wayne and ChuanChih to the ZENREN homies to The Xiang Family just outstanding. Possibly the best History ensemble since H2:Crossing The Line. Thankfully, this season was not written the same writer of H3: Trapped that would have been way too much for me. (Although, word in the fandom is that MODCs screenwriter wasn’t fond of Trapped’s screenwriter, or rather her treatment for the finale? Alexa, Play Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.) Also in this review, I’m going to be using the VIKI episode count when referring to episodes so just 1-9. *wink*

 On to the picking apart, if you watched all of episode 9 last week, you probably had the same horrified realization as I that our first intimate moment in episode 2 where HT saves XG from getting run over by a moped was foreshadowing for the finale. I don’t want to dissuade anyone from watching the series again, I will, but with the ending we got? It’s going to be difficult to revisit that scene again without resentment. It’s bad enough that XiGu, the main character up to this point, dies off screen in a way that nearly renders him worthless. Especially in the way that this story said “meet this soft, pitiful, malnourished and overworked boy; fall in love with him as he allows himself to fall in love and watch as that love makes him bloom.” I haven’t been this upset over a needless character death since, well, I can’t even say that I have made peace with Candy’s death in season 2 of POSE and that was 5 months ago.

 I don’t know why the writer chose this ending that says “fighting tooth and nail for love is meaningless, yet the memories make it worthwhile?” I’m being petty, we know for HaoTing this love was not meaningless, XiGu’s death is not meaningless. If XiGu’s death was meaningless he wouldn’t have thrown himself into his undergrad studies and gotten into Stanford grad to continue XiGu’s dre…hold the hell on. Wait a damn minute, isn’t that…the dead love interest trope? So, in the POV of this finale, XiGu’s existence was to get HaoTing to mature and become a physicist? Remember, high school HaoTing didn’t really have a dream outside of being with XG 24/7. He became a better student and chose to become a Physics major solely to be with XG. During the show, this particular plot point had some fans noting, while sweet in theory, pinning your hopes and dreams on teenage love can be costly in real life.  

  Six years on, it seems the only people that have been affected by XiGu’s death are HaoTing and Lin Cai Chu, his ex-girlfriend?  I understand in real life we tend to be moved on after this much time. Yet, there was no mention of Xi Gu from the crew or the family, even when he was visibly upset around them. You could count Mrs. Xiang when she spoke to Hao Ting while he was packing, but she never names him, only implies, and,  I feel we had to dive for that meaning. Also, there was no significant interaction from Sun Bo or his sister Yong Ching, who were the closest with HT during this whole relationship. Yong Ching listens to her brother cry after their father tears XiGu and HaoTing apart and she plays messenger between them during their parting. However, in episode 10 she’s enamored with Phoebe’s style? Sun Bo is HaoTing’s brother in the battle for love they share everything about how their hearts feel about their guys. But when HT drunkenly pours out his grief after six years, and he kinda gives a “damn bro, that sucks” vibe for a good part of the talk? (Sidenote: Wayne acted his whole ass off in this episode, do you hear me?) In Trapped, ShaoFei knew everything about TangYi. When Chen Wen Hao and Sister Lizhen were revealed as TangYi’s parents he grieves with and comforts him back at home. (Bonus: if you watch that scene again you can see Jake break down with Chris when they pull apart.)  

  I’m not touching that damn doppleganger moment, why even do it? These decisions have been made, yet the way both XiGu’s death and HaoTing’s potential girlfriend Phoebe are hinted and implied at, yet never really engaged with or seen. Which, to me, signals fear on part of the writer. These are the decisions you felt comfortable making so why not go ahead and give it to us full out. Show us XiGu dying in HaoTing’s arms, HaoTing visiting his grave a la Trapped episode 10, or show us the moment when Phoebe meets the family. We could have gotten more thought or effort put into these plot twists on the part of the writer. We see the way HaoTing weeps over XiGu and how he just shrugs off the mention of Phoebe from his family. XiGu and HaoTing lined and called each other daily, Phoebe can’t even email to let him know where she is? Worse yet, HaoTing does not even attempt checking up on her? Is on a 13-hour flight or about to get on one? Don’t really know, damn sure don’t care.

 I “got” that he doesn’t think the love of his life can ever be replaced, but we also know through his actions that he doesn’t love her either. Even though he’s introducing her to his family, I ask, does he even like her? Where’d they meet? How old is she? Why bring her up if you aren’t going to flesh the concept of Phoebe out? If you really wanted to give a love story closure “well” you should have done all of this several episodes ago by breaking them up or even condensing the love story and killing XG earlier on rather than handing us this death/new gf cocktail in ONE EPISODE. So many HIStorians thought that the boys would split because of HaoTing lying about the rent, and this makes perfect sense as it’s a clear violation of XiGu’s desire to be as self-reliant as possible, even in a relationship. That could have given rise to the first big argument and potential breakup.

 At first, I thought that the most insulting thing about this finale was that we didn’t get a happy ever after, or at least a happy for now like Trapped. Happy endings are an unofficial mission statement of the series. However, the most insulting thing about this finale, for me, was that death became final. Three years in a series, where death has NEVER been final, or even an option for its leads at least since season 1. (Which HIStorians like, but don’t really talk about for good reason.) Now, you could argue about Trapped because Shao Fei does get shot twice and if any storyline was primed for death it was theirs. However, even with the action element, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine type comedy never gave it the gravity that MODC unknowingly had. We were presented the stakes, the murders of Old Tang/LiZhen, and knew the threat, Chen WenHao. In MODC, there was a quiet unease I had for most of my watch along the lines of, “this is perfect. I love it, but it’s too perfect.” The “challenges” XG/HT faced they pretty much steamrolled every time so I assumed they were in the clear until the last 5 minutes of episode 9.

 H1: My Hero and H1: Obsessed both had plots that dealt with the boundary of death, making it impermanent “because love.”  While we’re at it, let’s talk about Obsessed shall we. Even abusive ass, stalker ass Jiang Jing Teng, a man who by logic and common sense shouldn’t have, got a chance to love again. He got to say goodbye to, spread the ashes of, and reunite with Shao Yi Chen. After his beard, who it just so happened was also a witch/sorceress, brought back SYC from the dead, not once BUT TWICE?!? (First, from rebirth. Second, it was all a dream.) Yet YXG/SHT, the most loved couple since CTL, can’t get a similar twist of fate? Make it make sense, especially given that this is likely the final season for HIStory.

 That hurt to type, but, it looks like History3 is going to be the final season for the series. Since we haven’t had any official announcement from CHOCO. And with 2 major backlashes, the first based on misunderstanding with Trapped and the second due to MODC lazy finale, it’s looking like a done deal until the CTL movie comes out at the end of 2020. In which case, everyone involved is going to have to be on their very best behavior from now on. In the hearts of some HIStorians, this finale has done irreparable damage to MODC itself and the HIStory franchise. Which is sad, considering that up to this point HIStory was getting better and better with each season only to decimate that growth in one episode.

  *cue Mariah* I still believe that MODC is the best BL drama of 2019. It’s the best to come out of Taiwan since CTL. Most of that is due to the phenomenal work of the cast, and… yes, the initial episodes written by our screenwriter. Even with my frustrations with the finale, I was conflicted as I said on Wednesday night. I was very disappointed, but the performances I did get, specifically from Wayne, kept me engaged to the point that I still enjoyed it. Does it make up for the cruelty to Yu Xi Gu not at all, but the previous 9 episodes pretty much put it in my top 5 all-time early on. What now? I’m waiting for the dvd drop next year and reliving every blissful moment. Oh, and I’m rewatching episodes 5/6 for Christmas. 

If you made it this far, thank you HIStorians, you all have made this surprise journey most certainly worth it.  

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes to all of you in 2020,

 Jo

 PS: word from Mandarin speaking fans is that the novelization of this series has 2 endings. One happy and the one we saw on Wednesday which…*sigh* at least there’s a universe where the boys are happy. I also have some notes on issues I had with HaoTing’s family in episode 10 that I’ll likely touch on after Christmas.

PPS: I can’t believe we got blessed with multiple Duke Wu appearances!!!

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18) 

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

Cowboy:

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

[verytamenow]

Any or all of them, huh? All of them

That wasn’t a this or that thing but I’m bored and technically did ask for it so fine...smartass...

1. What is you middle name? Eric Lynn

2. How old are you? 27

3. When is your birthday? June 8

4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini

5. What is your favorite color? It depends. To wear? For walls? For a car? In general, steel blue.

6. What’s your lucky number? I don’t really have one, but I’ll choose 7 or 13 if I have to pick one.

7. Do you have any pets? I’m not a pet person

8. Where are you from? Socal

9. How tall are you? 5′5.5″

10. What shoe size are you? US Mens 7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Umm...shit...like....6?

12. What was your last dream about? I honestly don’t even remember.

13. What talents do you have? Bold of you to assume I could have talents

14. Are you psychic in any way? I’ve had a couple premonition like dreams, but they clue me in to anything important and I don’t wake up remembering much of them.

15. Favorite song? Losing My Religion by REM

16. Favorite movie? Alien, maybe? Or Iron Man.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? I don’t have a specific person in mind. Definitely someone patient but unwilling to tolerate any bullshit. Must understand sarcasm.

18. Do you want children? Dear gods NO!

19. Do you want a church wedding? I don’t particularly care. I don’t really want one but I’d do it if my partner wanted one. No guarantee I’d not get struck down entering the church.

20. Are you religious? Not really. I struggle with the concept of organized religion. But I do respect spirituality so long as it’s not being used to justify bigotry and have some sort of vague belief in it. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Both for my own care and to visit family, none of which are fond memories.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I haven’t.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? No, not yet. But hopefully one day Taylor will run out of other people to meet and finally take pity on me.

24. Baths or showers? Showers! I can’t stand baths for more than 10-15 minutes but can take an hour long shower.

25. What color socks are you wearing? Light and dark blue striped socks.

26. Have you ever been famous? No.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Yes and no. I’d not say no to the potential money involved. But I’m a quiet guy and if I couldn’t find a way to protect my privacy like Taylor’s managed, I’d be done with it pretty quickly.

28. What type of music do you like? A bit of everything, but I’ve been on a pop kick recently.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No, but I’d give it a go in the right setting.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? One, unless they’re not firm enough.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually fall asleep on my side.

32. How big is your house? Few bedrooms and a couple bathrooms, 2 stories. Decent sized.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I usually don’t. But if I wake up starving, I’ll try to find some leftover chicken or something to munch on, usually cold. 

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yeah, fired a few different types. I’m not a great shot and I don’t handle the noise well. I struggle pulling the trigger for whatever reason.

35. Have you ever tried archery? I haven’t but I really want to!

36. Favorite clean word? Strobocopic is the first word that comes to mind and that’s 100% my dad’s fault, damn him.

37. Favorite swear word? Fuck.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? About 48 hours? I’ll usually take a sleeping pill or pass out on my own by then.

39. Do you have any scars? Ignoring the obvious quip about mental ones, I’ve got a couple physical. Got a faint one on my knee from busting it open as a kid that you can’t really see now. Got a fair few stretch marks and some acne scars as well.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? If I did, they were so secret I didn’t know about them.

41. Are you a good liar? Depends on what it is and how close I am to them. I can lie alright on phone or text unless you know me well or tell a stranger a white lie. But I’ve got no poker face whatsoever so I suck at the big ones, and the closer I am to someone the worse I get at lying. 

42. Are you a good judge of character? Kinda? I haven’t trusted too many assholes but like anyone I can overlook the bad in someone I care about. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Nope.

44. Do you have a strong accent? I don’t think so.

45. What is your favorite accent? British or Australian.

46. What is your personality type? Impatient but laid back smartass with a mixed sense of self preservation. I’m a pretty go with the flow guy, but yeah patience isn’t my strong suit.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? My redwing boots.

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie.

50. Left or right handed? Strongly right-handed.

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m fucking terrified of them. It’s sad, really. Even the small ones.

52. Favorite food? Seafood in general or a good rare steak.

53. Favorite foreign food? Sushi!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m a mess tbh. I try but I can’t quite seem to keep things up.

55. Most used phrased? “Fuck” probably.

56. Most used word? See above.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? About 30 with a shower.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I’d like to say no, but I know I’ve got a bit of pride about some things.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck until they’re almost gone and then bite.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Not so much now. If I’m alone in the house for an extended period, or I’m trying to work something out or stay focused, then yeah.

61. Do you sing to yourself? I rarely sing along to music in the car, let alone casually to myself.

62. Are you a good singer? Gods no.

63. Biggest Fear? The glib answer is spiders. But in the spirit of the question lise: the actual answer is the inevitable fuck up that is the last straw that leds to people leaving.

64. Are you a gossip? Yes and no? I don’t spread serious rumours, but I’ll absolutely talk shit with those I’m closest with. Kinda a nosey little prick too, I like knowing things.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? My mind kinda went straight to titanic. The 90s jumped out.

66. Do you like long or short hair? I wear my hair short (because getting misgendered makes me want to fling myself off the nearest cliff), but would theoretically consider wearing it longer if/when my facial hair comes in. On a partner, I like either.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? I wouldn’t put money on it, but if I could see a list as I named them, I’d probably manage okay.

68. Favorite school subject? History. Or mythology, though that wasn’t a dedicated subject.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert AF.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No and I don’t think I ever would. 

71. What makes you nervous? It’s the anxiety, bro.

72. Are you scared of the dark? More scared of the tricks my mind can play on me in it, especially if I’m trying to sleep.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Depends on how close I am and what the mistake is.

74. Are you ticklish? Very and I don’t find being tickled funny or enjoyable. I’m likely to get pretty pissed off if someone tickles me intentionally.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Never intentionally.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Not really? Not with any real power.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Tried a few things, didn’t care for the taste.78. Have you ever done drugs? I tried pot but I can’t inhale for shit so it didn’t do anything for me.

79. Who was your first real crush? The first I can recall was a boy named Corbin in the first grade. He had dark hair and eyes and was nice and I thought he was cute and fun to play with. Then there was a girl named Emily who was tall and blonde. I don’t think I really knew they were crushes though. The first time I had a crush and KNEW it was a crush was high school, on a girl in my chem class and then on my physics teacher in my junior year.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your Rs? Not anymore.

82. How fast can you type? 45-ish WPM?

83. How fast can you run? Not very fast.

84. What color is your hair? Dark blonde.

85. What color is your eyes? Blue.

86. What are you allergic to? Some laundry detergent. If it’s heavily scented I will break out in hives.

87. Do you keep a journal? No, but I’ve been told I should.

88. What do your parents do? My dad works in IT.

89. Do you like your age? Yes and no. I don’t have a problem with my age or nearing 30, but I could also fuck up my life in new and interesting ways if I could be younger knowing what I know now.

90. What makes you angry? Bigotry. Willful ignorance and unwillingness to listen. Hypocrisy. 

91. Do you like your own name? Yes, which is why I picked it.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I have zero, if not negative, desire to reproduce. But I like gender neutral names for girls - Parker, Peyton, Reagan, etc.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? I don’t want either but I REALLY would not know what to do with a child who liked traditionally feminine things.

94. What are you strengths? Sheer stubbornness.

95. What are your weaknesses? Impatience.

96. How did you get your name? I wanted to keep my initials and Zach was the name that came to mind and felt right.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? If you go back far enough, you’ll usually stumble across it.

98. Do you have any scars? Wasn’t this a previous question???

99. Color of your bedspread? Blue, not that I use it.

100. Color of your room? White. Never did get around to painting it.

[kylorenpunk]

Well I challenged @masonjar828 to do this ask meme like 200 years ago and he challenged me back but I’ve been busy so here we are. 

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one. men suck. 199: I was born in: Mickey Mouse’s lair aka Orlando 198: I am really: trying not to make a self deprecating joke rn 197: My cellphone company is: Not being disclosed bc I don’t need stalkers 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 8. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be taller than I am bc of that shoe size 194: My ring size is: Uh no idea. Maybe 9? 193: My height is: Five foot three inches 192: I am allergic to: A couple of antibiotics but that’s it  191: My 1st car was: 1995 Honda Accord. RIP Goldeen. 190: My 1st job was: Technically I was an assistant for an occupational therapy clinic that paid me under the table. My first paid job was a pool attendant for a hotel.  189: Last book you read: My professor’s shitty textbook.  188: My bed is: currently unmade.  187: My pet: doesn’t exist. Bro is allergic to the entire animal kingdom 186: My best friend: I have multiple and love them all very much  185: My favorite shampoo is: Just recently bought a new shampoo from OGX (coconut curls I think?)  184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: Not a bad concept. I have upgraded to using mason jars to save money  182: In my pockets: Not wearing pockets atm. Usually I only carry my phone tho 181: On my calendar: Is a bunch of doctor’s appointments 180: Marriage is: Fantastic with the right person 179: Spongebob can: ??? do whatever he wants? idk what op was thinking 178: My mom: is great and shouldn’t have to deal with my shit 177: The last three songs I bought were? I haven’t bought music in over two years. Spotify is my life. 176: Last YouTube video watched: I watch so many a day that I forgot what I last watched.  175: How many cousins do you have? 5 on paternal side. 3 on maternal. But I’m hispanic so it’s def more than immediate family  174: Do you have any siblings? 1 and he’s a pain but I love him 173: Are your parents divorced? nope. fun fact. I used to think divorce was normal as a child and wondered when I would get a second set of parents.  172: Are you taller than your mom? No I’m like 4 inches shorter 171: Do you play an instrument? is mayonnaise an instrument 170: What did you do yesterday? future job training and watched my brother [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Lust at first sight  168: Luck: kinda 167: Fate: sure 166: Yourself: a lot more than I used to  165: Aliens: why not 164: Heaven: in a way 163: Hell: sure 162: God: the catholic in me says yes 161: Horoscopes: yes and no  160: Soul mates: tough question. 21 year old me would have said yes. 23 me is on the fence. Maybe for other people but I don’t really believe it for myself.  159: Ghosts: I love ghost walks so I hope they’re real 158: Gay Marriage: Of fucking course 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Isn’t this the same as ghosts? 155: Magic: No  [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Either one has it’s benefits 153: Drunk or High: Never been high so I guess drunk  152: Phone or Online: they mean the same thing now 151: Red heads or Black haired: dark hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot  148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends. rn I want vanilla 145: Night or Day: day 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: doesn’t matter. I feel more myself with straight hair tho 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald’s  141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk  140: Mac or PC: pc. Apple is a peice of shit.  139: Flip flops or high heals: heals 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: this is a weird question 137: Coke or Pepsi: depends on whether it’s a can, glass or on ice 136: Hillary or Obama: lol was this made in 2008 135: Burried or cremated: not sure. i wanna say burried tho 134: Singing or Dancing: I’m bad at both 133: Coach or Chanel:  neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target  129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure. my hands never last 127: East Coast or West Coast: east  126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas bc I can see my family 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags despite the fact that i’ve never been 123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t give a shit about sports [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: dumb 121: George Bush: dumb 120: Gay Marriage: I’m hoping for a day where the LGBTQ+ community is no longer discrimated against 119: The presidential election: dumb 118: Abortion: No woman should be denied a right to abortion  117: MySpace: yeah this was made in 2008 116: Reality TV: dumb 115: Parents: great wonderful  114: Back stabbers: dumb 113: Ebay: useful 112: Facebook: kinda useful 111: Work: a necessity 110: My Neighbors: I don’t talk to them 109: Gas Prices: could be lower 108: Designer Clothes: I don’t care 107: College: a scam but education is worth it 106: Sports: depends on the sport 105: My family: great wonderful 104: The future: idk [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: when I started this thing 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last month 100: Cried in front of someone: Two weeks ago 99: Went to a movie theater: going tonight 98: Took a vacation: three years ago. going soon tho 97: Swam in a pool: I don’t even remember.  96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: a year and a half ago 94: Went to a wedding: a year and a half ago 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: three years ago 91: Broke the law: probs when I was underage drinking 90: Texted: yesterday [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: all of my friends 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free food and family 87: The last movie I saw: toy story 4 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: starting my career job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: taxes being taken out of my paycheck 84: People call me: Karina, Kari or Rina 83: The most difficult thing to do is: let go of someone in your life 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: cancer 80: The first person i talked to today was: no one. Update my boss just called lol 79: First time you had a crush: 1st grade lmao 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: uh recently I think  76: Right now I am talking to: Romantic? no one Normally? No one lmao  75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m grown but I’m not disclosing my job on here 74: I have/will get a job: already have one 73: Tomorrow: I’m working 72: Today: I’m cleaning 71: Next Summer: No idea 70: Next Weekend: no idea 69: I have these pets: no I don’t 68: The worst sound in the world: styrofoam 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother 66: People that make you happy: family and friends 65: Last time I cried: Thursday 64: My friends are: cool great wonderful 63: My computer is: working 62: My School: I’m graduated 61: My Car: I need to wash today 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no respect 59: The movie I cried at was: toy story 4 58: Your hair color is: brown 57: TV shows you watch: Sabrina, jane the virgin 56: Favorite web site: twitter 55: Your dream vacation: new york 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: wisdom teeth 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare 52: My room is: a mess 51: My favorite celebrity is: chris evans 50: Where would you like to be: on vacation 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: three times. Ironically only one was with someone I actually dated 47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple 46: More guy friends or girl friends: good mixture of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: makeup 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: a few 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not a physical list 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: no disclosing 39: I would like to move to: the smokey mountains 38: I wish I was a professional: MUA [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: lifesaver gummies 36: Vehicle: hondas 35: President: obama 34: State visited: TN 33: Cellphone provider: ATT 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: i can’t choose 30: Actress: cant choose 29: Singer: can’t choose 28: Band: currently little mix 27: Clothing store: rip charolette russe 26: Grocery store: publix is the only acceptable floridian answer 25: TV show: jane the virgin 24: Movie: high school musical 23: Website: twitter 22: Animal: meerkat 21: Theme park: busch gardens 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: soccer  18: Sport to play: none 17: Magazine: n/a 16: Book: eragon 15: Day of the week: friday 14: Beach: n/a 13: Concert attended: hannah montana? 12: Thing to cook: beans 11: Food: rice 10: Restaurant: taco bell 9: Radio station: n/a 8: Yankee candle scent: n/a 7: Perfume: anything fruity 6: Flower: rose? 5: Color: pink or blue 4: Talk show host: ellen 3: Comedian: n/a 2: Dog breed:  black lab 1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  wouldn’t you like to know

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[system-architect]

i can’t rememb if i already sent an ask but if not could u mayhaps do peej

u did send an ask which i will get to in a second but i am gonna happily do pj anyway!!

Personal

1)      Age? he’s 24 and a big shit who’s weirdly conscious about being 24 despite the fact that thats sTILL YOUNG so he lies and tells people he’s 21

2)      Gender? trans gay trans gay trans gay. he’s a very GnC trans guy who hasn’t transitioned too much bc he likes how he is

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? gay... he’s a big gay. loves men

4)      Height? he’s 2′10″ aka min height haha pj small

5)      Race? asura and like metaphorically a fckn demon

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). like a bush baby.......... uhhh he’s a very small lithe asura with wild ass fckn scene tier spiked up hair and his eyes are Indeed freakishly huge and he’s got sort of piebald esque markings and he’s also got spots of black pigment on his tongue and gums like some dogs do! i’m just gonna link art again

7)      Any disabilities? tbh he might have occasional breathing issues from his eye size and the constant vaping. also.. Some Stuff Happens During PoF but its not anything conventional that you might be expecting...

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? nope OOPS that one asura name generator spat it out at me actually! it stuck and i thought it was a weirdly funny name for an asura while also sounding p decent

9)      What makes them, them? he’s this image:

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? tbh his life is very stagnated atm and he’s not sure what he wants. to keep surviving, he guesses

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? he’s an orphan! his parents are unknown... he was raised in an orphanage by this very prim and proper asuran lady who was very secretly kind of a party gal on the side

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? again, orphan, so family questions are hard to answer cus he doesn’t know anything about em

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often?

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) he has A Flat up inbetween arkentia valley and magus valley in rata sum (i pretend there’s more out there than there actually is jhkfgd) which is also near where the glitch is located! it is fairly safe and he is quite fond of it, although he’s at the club most of the time

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i just kinda answered this but he has Money honestly....... running a luxury nightclub that’s a front for your shady information trading business will do that for ya huh

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? the orphanage owner wanted all her little adoptee children to be Starlets and tried to teach them proper etiquette and get them into refined fields........... pj is successful but in the most opposite way from this possible

17)   Do they have pets? nope and thats probably for the better

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family?

19)   This there anything special about their family?

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? he’s constantly torn about like... the concept of having blood relatives out there [hopefully]........ he’s not sure if he wants to know about them or not, if he would’ve rather been raised by them or not. it’s alluring but scary

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? his best friend is Kinda his ‘secretary’, kessa, who is a whispers agent plant in his club that helps him run the place in exchange for siphoning information from it. PJ is aware she’s whispers and kessa is aware he’s aware she’s whispers and they have a tentative and tense but friendly??? bond. it’s like, thin ice all the time but they’re also quite close. both her and pj are savvy and sort of take turns greasing the wheels of their various dealings; i think kessa is a bit bolder and craftier than pj and more organized oops. as far as kessa as a person, she’s a tall butch with cherry red dyed hair and she goes by the nickname ‘lucky’ due to the shamrock shaped marking over her right eye. she prefers masc looking clothing and she has a suave flirty personality with a quick wit and a snarky teasing sense of humor

22)   Who was their first friend? hgjkfdgh he’s never had many friends unfortunately. he tends to drive people away...

23)   What is their friend group like? a lot of people hang around him for general exterior motives like money and status.. not many people genuinely like him

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? like everyone................... ‘i need you but i dont like you’ etc

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? definitely a lot. he’s a very abrasive person who can get fussy and picky and two-faced

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? alas yeah half of pjs ‘friends’ are people he wants to smooch but its in a very vapid fashion.... even w/ deeper crushes pj isnt gonna be gettin any genuine love

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? he might drunk cry to viel or kessa and i dont think either would know what to do about it

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? despite having shallow ‘friendships’ a lot of his self esteem revolves around popularity and being well-liked so he’d be... super crushed

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he got like 30% of the way thru statics courses for political science and dropped out because he hated school... he was naturally savvy and talented with debate and an excellent candidate for a worthless weasel-y politician who can screw anyone over within a sentence but he just hated the whole school system and didn’t fit with it and getting into arcane politics wasn’t something he really enjoyed, it was all super backstabby but simultaneously Goody Two Shoes and he haaated it

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he probably butted heads with all of them and hated being told what to do

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? definitely goofed off and didn’t care. he was good at stuff when he was asked to actually do stuff so why bother paying attention to boring stuff he already knows?

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? stellar marks on very specific fields and tests and debates where the school system actually lined up with his talents but terrible marks otherwise

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? he was probably arbitrarily assigned a tutor due to his low marks but was uninterested in actually being helped and was a catty piece of shit the whole time

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? he’s a terrible worthless rat trash man and there was probably gossip that flew around about him but he loved hunting it down and intimidating the daylights out of the people who started it. even as a child he was a notorious drama monger and tattletale so it’s kinda in his nature. pj is a literally terrible person i’m so sorry to anyone who likes him for w/e reason

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? probably not many physical ones altho he’s def been punched a few times. most of his fights were probably weird high strung drama that contained a lot of passive aggression and counter-gossip and maybe some good ol fashioned blackmail

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? hard to categorize bc he’s a walking embarrassment

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he dropped out and has literally 0% intentions of going back ever. and not as a char development thing either-- he’s never going to want to go back even if he improves as a person. it’s not his thing

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? pj pretends he’s shallow and only wants A Good Time but a bit more under the surface he’s absolutely desperate for more genuine bonds and wants Love And Affection and pretends ppl love him when they’re makin out idk. he’s a sad sad man

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a boring egg who should probably pick up a hobby

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? what he’ll say he wants is like, more money/successful business but what he Needs is a kick in the ass to work on improving himself and to earn some friends who genuinely like him and to find a Meaning for himself

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? shady information traderrrr he deals in secrets and identities of the asuran underworld

45)   Do they use social media? probably uses asuran instagram and snapchat

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? probably for some very dumb injuries tbh

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? again weird Q in context of gw2 but superstitions... he’ll claim he’s logical but he’s prone to suggestion wrt this stuff and a huge chicken

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry on bathroom floor with bottle of wine

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he avoids thinking about this too in depth bc he knows he’s a bad person haha..... he’s a bit messed up atm because this doesn’t motivate him to improve despite knowing it. he’s just kinda... yeah im awful so what if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yeah he’s a bit representative of the time period of my life where i was overfocused on Being Hurt and wallowed a lot in my trauma and i felt i was justified in being a pretty nasty person for whatever plethora of reasons, but i was stagnating and it was all hurting me really badly even if i wasn’t ready to accept that it was hurting me. i felt a huge sense of impending doom and not knowing what to do with my life or if i’d ever get better...

[anti-dennor]

masterpost on why mod norway hates den//nor a lot without mentioning kin stuff or specific ships that are better

disclaimer: this post isn’t to start an argument, the only reason I’m making it is to organize my thoughts about den//nor because @ adhd wyd. 

This is okay to reblog, but I will ignore any and all reblogs adding on things about how I’m wrong. This is based off a mix of opinion, canon and scientific evidence about attraction, and I really, really, don’t want to argue about den//nor, especially with people who ship it. So really, for the sake of my mental health and your time, don’t bother arguing with my stubborn ass. I’m not going to change my stance on this and there’s nothing you can say to change that.

contents: yaoi / it’d be unhealthy (for both of them) / the actual shippers / dynamic

yaoi.

I’m not saying I dislike gay ships, no. I live for gay ships, I’m a gay male, I love mlm ships. Big comfort material. I dislike yaoi, gay ships are fine and dandy. Yaoi is gross.

Yaoi (”Also called BL (Boy’s Love) and Shounen Ai, yaoi is a genre of manga that fetishizes m/m relationships and relies on homophobic stereotypes for plot and character devices.”), and fujioshis.

“In most yaoi mangas, there is one agressive masculine man who preys upon an usually much younger, submissive feminine man. It strengthens the homophobic myth of gay men being predators and pedophiles.”

Doesn’t that sound a lot how the fandom portrays Denmark and Norway? Denmark is canonically the same height as Norway (Well, Norway is like an inch shorter at most), and the two have about the same body shape. Yet what do y’all fujioshis do? Draw Norway as some femme boy that’s like a foot shorter than Denmark.

“It also relies on heteronormative stereotypes, where there are always strict uke/seme roles in bed, as well as a feminine caring and a masculine powerful dynamic in the relationship outside of the bed.  “

Again, what do y’all do? Make Norway super femme and oh so much smarter than Denmark, making Denmark the unhealthily powerful one -- Bringing me to my next point;

it’d be unhealthy (for both of them).

“They have known each other since childhood, but while Denmark considers the two of them to be like best friends and believes that Norway thinks the same way he does, he is unaware of Norway's blunt teasing.[7] Norway frequently refers to him as anko[12], a term Himaruya has described as having a nuance like older brother or oniichan, the familiar form of big brother, and having a classmate-like feeling.[13]”

“Main article: Norway

Norway is a childhood friend of Denmark's, who he feels rather close to and strongly about, believing that Norway sees him the same way as a "best friend." “

(source: Norways wiki & Denmarks wiki)

Since I’m not sure how to word it; lets take my parents for example; they’d been dating since they were 15 (fifteen) until they were like 23-24. My mom used to go over to his house every. single. day. because she felt more at home there than at her own home. They never argued, they were like a perfect relationship almost. Why they broke up? My mom, and I quote, “saw him more like a brother than a lover.” Which is a completely justified reason to break up! My parents have the same relationship as siblings. Now, if my parents felt like siblings after 8 years of growing up together; imagine the bond that Denmark and Norway have.

They grew up together for thousands of years! Meaning they’d be much, much closer than my parents were. So maybe they could’ve dated at some point in their history, but I can see them doing the same thing my parents did; break up because they felt like siblings/being best friends would be better. Plus, you don’t call your lover “brother”, even if you’re not actually related or don’t mean it as sibling-way especially if you have other, blood-related, siblings.

Why would a relationship be unhealthy for the both of them?

Because if they feel like brothers, then you get the same unhealthy benefits of actual incest from the Westermarck effect, “a hypothetical psychological effect through which people who live in close domestic proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to sexual attraction.” Which, guess what, Denmark and Norway have known each other since childhood, 

Fujioshis turning the shp into yaoi + the westermarck effect; what do we have?

If you put the two into a relationship you’re implying that one of them is unconsciously forcing themselves onto the other. Or just, y’know, people straight up writing something like Danish Slaughter House - a fanfiction where Denmark straight up rapes and kills all the Nordics.

And speaking of Danish Slaughter House, let’s move on to the next point;

the actual shippers.

I don���t even know where to start with this one. I guess I’ll start with shamchat, a great site, I spend a lot of time there - as one of my biggest hobbies in the past few years is roleplaying. I have almost 2 years of experience with writing Norway. The thing is, when I come across Denmarks on the site it almost always, if theyre a Dennor shipper, starts off as something like:

Best friends hanging out -> Denmark asks Norway to do something with him -> Norway is busy -> Denmark gets sad -> Norway tries to make him feel better -> Denmark confesses feelings.

what? and then Norway will tell Denmark that he sees him as a brother or just doesn’t feel the same, and then there’s a long range of reactions I’ve gotten from Denmarks with this, some of the worst including being harassed ooc for not shipping it, being guilted ooc for not shipping it (@ my RSD, someone telling me that they’re crying because I don’t ship something just. x20 as bad as neurotypicals), Denmark trying to force himself onto Norway sexually, and there was actually one where they had Denmark threaten to kill whoever Norway had feelings for.

For fucks sake! Once I was on as FtM!Caught Binding!Norway because I was feeling incredibly dysphoric, and I had a Denmark threaten to out Norway to the other Nordics, while Norway was begging him not to, and when he finally agreed not to  - which took actually making Norway (and me for that matter, since I have really big emotional ties with Norway) cry - he immediately jumps to a confession, which Norway sorta tells him off because what makes anyone think after threatening to out someone as trans they’re gonna accept a uwu love confession uwu uwu, which in turn upset Denmark and the entire rp turns to them - Norway trying to make him feel better, telling him that he’s his brother and always will be, etc. Making the biggest effort to make him feel better, but no instead he runs away to his bedroom, locks himself in his closet and tried to stab himself to death.

Most of these were done while I was on mobile, so unfortunately I don’t have saves to them.

Am I upset that you people portray Denmark horribly? Of course. My point isn’t the portrayals of Denmark here, though. Because the canon portrayal of Denmark is actually pretty fit for Norway, not going to lie, but my point is about how the shippers pull bullshit like this when someone doesn’t like their ship, which again ties into the homophobia of yaoi.

“Many mangas in this genre also have a plot centered around rape (the seme/top rapes the uke/bottom, then the uke realizes he actually loves the seme and allows the relationship to continue), abuse (physical, where the seme will hurt the uke, or emotional, where either part will threaten things as far as suicide if the other part dares to leave them), pedophilia (shota is a subgenre of yaoi in which boys as young as 5-6 will have sexual relationships with middle aged men). “

Most of these I’ve actually had to deal with personally aside from the pedophilia/shota bit, while I’ve never actually done an rp with someone as Shota!Denmark (I skip anyone who thinks shota is ok), I’ve seen them around, along with Shota!Norways.

I’m not going to start with the amount of Denmark’s on shamchat idealizing Norway in every way, shape and form.

dynamic.

Admittedly, Denmark is an almost ideal guy for Norway personality-wise, with how socially inept Norway is (Which Denmark can still be there for him if they’re friends), but for Denmark, Norway isn’t super suitable. The idea that Denmark needs someone to keep him in check is a little, how do I say it, wrong. Denmark is over 2000 years old, he’s smart enough to keep himself in check, while it would be nice for him to have someone to be there to tell him “You’re being too loud” and to give him a little help here and there, best friends can do that, can they not? As for a romantic partner, Denmark would probably be better matched with someone who doesn’t have trouble complimenting people or doing things solely to please him.

Denmark has his self image as a priority, and as shown by the above strips I’ve given, Norway isn’t the best to give him that. Norway is better at subtly doing things for people he cares for, not outright stating and cheering for him - which I did try to find the part of a strip where Denmark was imagining Norway and Iceland cheering for him (Or something like that), I couldn’t find it, but that one in specific emphasizes that a romantic relationship between Denmark and Norway wouldn’t quite work the same way their brothery relationship works.

Everyone teases and gets into arguments with their siblings, (Which Norway does tease & occasionally insult Denmark) and you always know that everything your sibling says to insult you isn’t serious, but even though Denmark “blatantly ignores offensive and aggressive social tones ”, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pick up on them and he holds himself up too high for it to be a healthy relationship romantically if for either of them if Norway isn’t going to be positive, Norway is kinda negative and Denmark contrasts that greatly, but if Norway can’t give Denmark flattery and self esteem boosts straightforwardly, then Denmark won’t be happy in the relationship, which makes him less positive, making him less ideal for Norway. Whereas if they just stay as brothers, it’s easier for Denmark to just brush off any teasing or criticism Norway might have.

As for romantic relationships for Norway, I did say earlier that Norway needs someone who’s positive, good at social interaction, cheerful, friendly, etc. He also needs someone who easily picks up on the little things he does and isn’t extremely high-maintenance when it comes to needing flattery. Someone that Norway doesn’t have to be straightforward with. While we’re at it, I’ll also mention why someone who isn’t these things wouldn’t work, Norway needs someone positive and good at social interaction because he’s not these things, (He’s said it himself, he is painfully shy around strangers as he resolved to leave upon seeing them; yes I’m ignoring that he did all that speaking right after he said that, this is because I’m going off the it was only there for comedic purposes and doesn’t mean anything), and he needs someone cheery/friendly to contrast himself (I’m not saying he isn't friendly! He is quite that, but isn’t great at expressing it.), since a relationship between two characters who are really apathetic about a lot of things would just end in them thinking theyre apathetic abt each other. Picking up on little things + not needing to be straightforward with is kinda self explanatory after the stuff about Denmark.

Anyways, back on track. Kinda? Conclusion.

I do like the “quiet one & loud one”/”opposites attract”/similar tropes a lot, but when it comes to Denmark and Norway it doesn’t quite work out as well as others might. Especially with fandom misportrayals, it kinda ruins the pairing for me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #57

“is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities?”

when do you prefer to take a shower, in the morning or night?   night, 100% how do you like your eggs?   scrambled, cheesy hollister or abercrombie?   i shop at neither are your nails painted?   my toenails are; chelsea felt like doing them. when was the last time you or someone else in your family bought a vehicle?   nicole got a car not even a year back. honestly, do you see yourself as a slut?   the biggest part of me says "hell no," but that sliver of me that says i'd do things with jason no matter who he was dating makes me feel like it sometimes.  other than that, i have no traits of what we know as "sluts." is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?   yep.  my biggest regret is that i've sexted a guy that was my friend's boyfriend when i was like 12/13 and i think he really started to like me, but i finally cut it off.  i've never and will never tell them that. have you got a hairdresser that you can trust?   yes, her name's kenesa. do you like the smell of bbqs?   no, honestly. do wasps scare you?   omg yes. what is the last thing a boy gave you?   *shrugs* do you often use the term “slut”?   only really to playfully refer to my friends or myself.  otherwise, i will if i feel very strongly about it. do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh?   NO do you have any talents that your friends don’t know about?   video editing, i guess. have you looked at any old photos of you yourself lately?   sigh.  on the 20th, facebook reminded me (i already knew, though) that i'd posted a picture of jason and i kissing for his birthday.  i just kinda... stared at myself.  i was self-conscious then, yet looking back now, i looked great.  i was slim, kinda curvy, and just... looked nice and healthy.  not anymore. do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? about what?   yes, because i don't wanna hear about my weight. how old is the last person you kissed on the lips?   he just turned 23 did you yell at anyone yesterday?   tbh i was so worked up yesterday that i was yelling about colleen to my mom while crying. do you think religion should be taught in schools? why or why not?    fucking yes.  all religions should be electives, atheism included, because don't you dare tell me it hasn't practically become a religion.  i believe they should be taught as electives because all involve where you believe you'll end up and also reflect your core values, but i don't believe they should be common core because you shouldn't be taught an opinion coughevolutioncough. is the idea of marriage too outdated for the 21st century?   ... no??? you’re pregnant, who’s the other parent?   well, it'd be impossible.  i've never had sex.  the only person i've done sexual things with is jason, but seeing as dry-humping ain't gonna get me pregnant, and not to mention i haven't even seen his face in over a year, he couldn't be the dad, either. what’s your favorite number?   13, because it actually has a story behind it and it looks like a capital b how would you tell the person you like that you like them?   i've already told him more than a million and two times. who last made you feel shy?   colleen, because she was pissed at me.  i get very timid when i'm being yelled at like her fucking dog. do you think making out is slutty?   no???  if you're doing it with someone you love, why would it be??? is there a difference between love and in love?   FUCKING YES.  i told jason this in the second letter i wrote him, paraphrased: "the difference between loving someone and being in love is whether or not you'd accept the person as life changed them," and i honestly believe that to be pretty accurate.  i mean yeah, a person is going to change by mild degrees throughout life, but when you oath to tolerate and adapt with them, that's when you're in love. if the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them?   i don't know, honestly.  i kinda feel like he wouldn't have left if he was. do you know anyone by the name of lee?   we all know lee from twd rip rip rip i cri do you have any friends from other states?   yep, even in other countries.  glory of the online world. would you ever dye your hair blonde?   i want to dye it platinum blonde at one point, but mom doesn't want me to, so. ever had an internet boyfriend or girlfriend?   no. are any of your siblings married?   my immediate sister, yes. what’s your favorite type of donut?   i really like cake donuts, but i also enjoy glazed and chocolate frosted have you ever had an exotic or unusual pet?   i wouldn't consider a ball python or chinese water dragon exotic, really. are you more logical or creative?   BY FAR more creative what was the last job interview you went to?   pizza hut, i think.  said i probably got the job, never got called back, but i guess it's a good thing after what happened at my last job. what are you currently listening to?   pewdiepie play "resident evil 7".  it looks SO GOOD.  i really wish my consoles weren't broken... has anyone bought you a piece of jewelry?   my mom, my grandparents, jason... do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner?   some men, particularly when they have dark hair, fuck yeah. do you tend to slam things around when your mad?   sometimes, yes. do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate?   my grandma, yeah. do you know anyone who is racist?   yes.  it's the thing i dislike most about this person. did your parents ever ground you?   pleeeenty of times. opinion: on medication prescriptions being handed out to ‘fix’ people:   for some people, medication is necessary.  for example, my mother has asthma.  she can't just "wish" it away when it acts up, she has to take medication, or else she could die.  for me, if i don't take one of my medications, my mental illnesses may act up.  what i don't agree with is handing out medication before you truly know a patient's story. were you/are you popular in high school?   not at all.  pretty sure everyone thought i was weird. are you the competitive type?   not in the slightest. righty or lefty?   i'm a righty have you had the chicken pox?   i have not. when’s the last time you chose a bath over a shower?   when i had a cyst, but it wasn't to get clean, but rather to shave.  i haven't chosen a bath over a shower to get clean since i was a child. do you and your best friend look anything alike?   not really. do you prefer drinking water from a bottle or from the sink?   i can't drink water from the sink, it tastes nasty. have you ever done something outrageously dumb?   sure have. what if you had a baby with the last person you texted?   last person i texted was female, and i'm female, soooo...? do you think you will ever get married?   realistically... no.  i'm too difficult a person.  i don't go out to meet people.  so. who do you care about the most?   jason.  it shouldn't be him, but it is. has there ever been a murder in your town?   i'm sure. have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act (not necessarily sex)?   does making out count?  if so, i've witnessed ashley's former best friend and her then-boyfriend make out all to hell on the couch. do you get shy when you’re around the boy you like?   not really, no... because he's the only person with whom i feel safe being myself. what's the last thing that scared the hell out of you?   probably when mom handed me the letter from jason. do you think people over thirty should be able to have sex?   ... what the fuck?  duh?  i usually delete questions from surveys that just seem entirely pointless, but this just... really irked me? how do you feel about girls smoking?   the same way i feel about guys smoking, it's gross. do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend?   i'm sure i do. who is your favorite 90’s musical artist?   omg don't do this to me. do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now?   definitely when my parents were young. how did you develop your specific taste in music?   well, i was raised on rock and metal and the obvious children songs, but it wasn't until middle school when i developed my taste for metal.  late elementary school, i was getting into rock, and then in middle school i started listening to my mom's cds. do you like any bands from other countries?   rammstein, notably. have you ever sung karaoke? what songs? was it fun?   no, too shy. do you have acne?   thank god, not anymore. do you play any online computer games? if so, what?   i did play world of warcraft, but i may ditch it when i get my laptop back up and running, i don't know for sure. have you ever felt out of touch with reality?   that's almost a daily thing, honestly. have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying?   physically, no. have you ever had a tooth pulled?   no, but i'll have to soon.  my wisdom tooth is coming in and it's causing issues; i keep biting my cheek with it. did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules?   if it was against the rules, no. did you take a foreign language in school?   one semester of latin, four of german. are mondays a drag for you?   it's the same as any other day for me. do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression?   it can be. have you spent much time contemplating your death?   yep. can mere images turn you on? how about words?   sure. do you think that feet are disgusting?   yeah, tbh. who have you hurt the most so far in your life? what did you do to them?   probably my dad, really.  i kicked him out of my life and wrote him a... pretty strongly-worded letter about why.  thank god he's back in it, though. have you ever been physically or mentally abused? how did it affect you?   physically, no.  mentally, i used to feel that way, but i don't think i was. have you ever been in a physical fight? what started it?   no. what’s the stupidest thing you’ve done whilst drunk?   so far, indirectly asking colleen if she had jason's number because i "wanted to be a friend," i said.  thank god she's a good friend, because all she said was, "now THAT is a terrible idea," even though she herself was a bit drunk. have you ever been hospitalized? what for?   yes, four-five times, all for suicidal thoughts and tendencies. have you ever bitch-slapped someone?   no. where did you last go on vacation?   north carolinian beach! do you get horny a lot?   eh, occasionally, i guess. are you a good driver?   not really.  i have severe anxiety when i drive. what’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?   if i had to pick one and one alone, my depression. have you ever had a pet turtle before?   only ones from the wild, which i acknowledge was wrong, but i was just a kid.  it was always box turtles, and we always ended up releasing them into the small lake near our old house. do you think pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly?   they're precious! have you ever made out with more than one person in one night?   nope. if you have any piercings, who did them?   claire's, and a parlor in rocky mount whose name i forgot... who last gave you their number?   ummm girt i think. where was your default pic taken?   in my bathroom.  i like the lighting in there the most. have a crazy side?   it's more than just a "side," hunny. what’s stopping you from going for the person you like?   i'm indirectly going for him, but i can't do too much more, unless i want a restraining order. will you fall in love in the next few months?   i highly doubt you can truly fall in love in a few months... have you ever gone to a nude beach?   no, nor would i ever. how many people of the opposite sex have made you cry?   two: my dad and jason have you ever cried and didn’t know why?   sure have. what bugged you about the last person you dated?   a number of things.  i mean, we dated for three and a half years, i'd like to think i knew like... everything about him.  one, this was more of a disappointment than a bugging, but he wasn't christian.  i have been over a thousand times why i want to date a christian over an agnostic, so if you're pissed at me for saying it, go find the explanation in an old survey.  i always had to remind him very frequently to do things like brush his teeth and hair, because he's a dude.  he also tried to entirely bury his emotions underneath logic.  that's just about it, i think. have you ever kissed a brown eyed person?   the only person i've ever kissed had dark brown eyes i could fucking drown in. have you ever had sex with someone the same night you met them?   what do i want, an std?  no. is someone of the opposite sex on your mind?   he always is. do you find space fascinating?   yes, but i also find it terrifying. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans?   some can, sure. do you enjoy being single?   fuck dat. what kind of music annoys you most?   rap, i guess. is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now?   oh, i'd do more than kiss him. why did you go to the doctor the last time you went?   does the dentist count?  if so, just a regular cleaning.  actual doctor, monthly check-up. do you like potato salad?   NO do you enjoy being a tease?   ;v; does it flood easily where you live?   kinda. is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single?   personally, i don't believe you should.  i mean if you're not dating and already kissing... you're going too fast.  besides, you could really lead someone on like that.  establish your relationship first. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?   it was pierced for years slightly to the left, and i'm getting it re-pierced in the center hopefully on my birthday. so, like being spanked?   i'm guessing you mean sexually?  sure, if you're not too hard. what are your thoughts on the name barbie?   eh, i don't like it, even though that's my aunt's name. what is one thing you find attractive about the same sex?   butts, i guess.  butts are okay. are you a hacker? if so, what do you usually hack?   no.  i've seen "welcome to the game," motherfucker.  my doors and windows are locked lmao. do you think you could ever decide a tattoo design if you chose to get one?   i have three and have approximately one hundred logged that i'm seriously considering, soooo... have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you?   nope. do you shave your legs more than once a week?   hell no, that's too much maintenance for me fam. how far would you go with the hottest guy you know?   depends on if i'm emotionally engaged with him? the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”?   i'd break down sobbing. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?   not sure the last place jason and i ate out together at... what pisses you off the most about the opposite sex?   perfectly aware this doesn't apply to all men, but they generally seem to be so out of touch with their emotions. if your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him?   i'd break his fucking arm, then dump him.  i don't tolerate that shit. everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?   she can't flawlessly cheer me up, but i guess colleen. what’s something you used to collect when you were younger?   webkinz, notably.  i had the most of all my friends and everything, i was a total admit, lmao. do you wax or shave down there?   honestly, i just trim.  i just don't see the point of keeping it bare; it seems like very unnecessary maintenance and it's all natural.  i'm not fond of getting those annoying bumps everywhere when you shave, either.  i get enough from just trimming.  the hair grows back so quickly too, like... sorry, i'm not shaving that often, and if you don't like it, don't go down on me???  lmao dude chelsea decided to wax the other day just to see if it hurt and she nearly fucking cried and couldn't walk properly a few minutes after.  BUT ANYWAY if you don't mind doing the heavy maintenance, that's cool, good for you, do it. what’s something in nature you find beautiful?   can i just like... say everything??  nature itself is just immaculate.  i'm particularly fond of HUGE, old trees, though. what’s your favorite store at your mall?   rue 21, i guess.  we don't have a hottopic. :( does your house have a garage?   no ma'am. do you have any “nerdy” interests?   don't get me started bo, lmao. did you pack a lunch in high school?   if i didn't like what was on the menu, sure. have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable?   not really, no.  he had massive self esteem issues, but he wasn't legitimately ill. would it be hard for someone to steal your heart?   HA, if you're not jason?  nearly impossible, sweetheart. do you sometimes speak in funny accents for fun?   british notably, yes. have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas?   yeah.  in most places i won't, though.  it's very rare. have you ever had bronchitis?   no, but that brings back such warm memories.  when jason and i were dating, he got bronchitis baaad once, and i was so so so SOOO worried.  i mothered the fuck out of that poor man; i wouldn't let him get up for anything but to piss.  and made him kiss me once he was feeling slightly better, because i couldn't stand to not kiss him and i kept telling him if he was sick, i'd be sick with him.  turns out you can't get bronchitis, but you can contract the cold that causes it.  never got it. do you like shopping from sales racks and clearance racks?   of course, everyone loves bargains. do you have a high tolerance for people?   i honestly think i do, because boy can i tolerate opinions.  pretty sure i could befriend a reasonable satanist.  it's just not my place to bash other people for having beliefs astray from mine; that's what makes the population so beautiful, how unique we all are. are you bipolar?   i'm medicated as such and have been told by professionals i seem to be, so. how many times have you been to the er?   oh jeez... seven?  eight? have you ever been to nyc?   i have not.  i'd love to photograph there.

[jjkittycat]

I know I haven’t talk about it in like over 100 days, but if anyone cares or remembers the guy I was talking about ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋɪɴɢ and desperately, DESPERATELY ᴡᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ; I have updates. Not really exactly but I just need to gush about him again.

It’s been over 100 days and we still talk almost every day. Of course we’ve calmed down a bit so it’s not all day, every day anymore but it’s more often than I text anyone else. The messages are always so supportive and caring. He genuinely is there for me and he’s always saying such sweet things. He compliments me, but it’s not only on my appearance. We talk about all these interests and hobbies we have in common. Those conversations alone can go on for hours.

Now that COVID has calmed down, we’re talking about meeting IN PERSON. And I, as most people do, get super nervous on first dates. I typically clam up and barely speak. But I’m not nervous this time. Only excited. I’m counting down the days until we can meet. And obviously there’s sᴇxᴜᴀʟ reasons I want him in person, but there’s actually so much more to it. I just want to be able to hug and kiss and hold hands and smile and cuddle with this amazing person who brings me so much happiness. It almost feels like I need to be able to touch him to prove he’s real because it’s too good to be true. (And I know he is real and also not a catfish. We’ve swapped photos, videos, snapchats, etc. Not actually concerned he isn’t real). I open up to him about my feelings and emotions and most importantly my really difficult mental days. I don’t speak about any of those things with people normally. I try to, but I have difficulty expressing myself because my brain takes over and tells me I shouldn’t or I’m a bother or basically anything to prevent me from letting others know I’m struggling. But I talk to him, and he gets it. He understands me, makes me feel safe and comforted, supports me, uplifts me, and it really does feel amazing.

* (More side note: I’m fully incapable of talking about romantic feelings irl so I could never say any of this to ANYONE in my real life. That’s why tumblr gets all of it. I think my face would become so red and light on fire if I tried to talk about liking a guy to a physical person. Just the idea of someone acknowledging I have a “crush” or “like a boy” makes me want to hide in a hole. I never really had “girl talk” or whatever you call it when middle school girls get together and talk about cute boys or whatever. So I never really got out of that middle school phase I guess 😅).

BUT, onto more ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴛᴏᴘɪᴄs..... oh my god the things I want to do to this man. Our conversations aren’t always sᴇxᴜᴀʟ, but when they turn that way holy fuck I can’t contain myself. It’s going to take all of my self control not to just rip his clothes off and go to town the day we meet. We were being super delicate with that topic at first to prevent either of us from seeming like that’s all we wanted from this, but we have crossed that line now. We went from somewhat flirty, sexy texts to full describing what we want to do to each other. And I won’t get into detail because I’m trying to keep this pretty PG-13, but also he has me like 🤤😍. I’m not one for swapping pictures, but last night he got one from me and I got some in return. Normally, shit like that kinda grosses me out, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t looked at his way too many times already. And he sent me a video... I can’t even put into words how turned on it made me. I was ready to tell him “let’s just meet now” just so I could fuck him. I sadly, didn’t get to keep the video thanks to Snapchat, but that is full in my memory bank, clear as day. (Other side note: not sure if other people who are attracted to men have this, but there’s some sort of relief to me when I finally see a guys dick and it’s not weird looking or ugly. Legit something in my brain is like “yes thank goodness he has a normal dick”. Probably tmi and also just me, but I hope others have that experience too.) So I will be using all of the material he has sent to keep myself satisfied until I can finally stop relying on those photos and have the real deal. But I will certainly be dreaming and thinking of that day.... I just really cannot wait to have him. All of him.

ANYWAYS, I just caught myself getting embarrassed for typing that shit out 😅 I typed more and went into more detail but then I was like “nah, the internet is not the place for that.” I can save that for a more personal outlet. But if somehow ANYONE made it through that whole post 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 legit I’m impressed. Thanks for reading about my feelings via my tumblr (aka my journal). Feel free to message me about it. Maybe some girl talk would be good for me. So if you have anything similar to this post, or questions, or comments feel free to send them my way. I’m basically open to chat girly shit™️. And on the off chance someone is following this saga I will attempt to update you at a later date.

[reptilisss]

All of them ha ha (for the gay asks)

!!!!1. describe your idea of a perfect date: anything + food!!

2. whats your “type”: i will fall in love with you if you pay attention to me

3. do you want kids? no, thanks tho

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on: we went to a vegan soul food place and then went for a walk in the woods :)

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?) i wore really nice underwear but i don’t think the guy noticed cuz he didn’t comment on them :/

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay? it depends on how much coffee i’ve had i can go either way

8. opinion on nap dates? i do them all the time i love them

9. opinion on brown eyes? much more emotive than other colors, i like them more.

10. dog gay or cat gay? reptile gay !

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? yes of course, as long as they love my snake like their own

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone: if you don’t think i’m funny u can fuck right off my mom thinks i’m hilarious

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one? uhh not about LGB people, but I thought trans men were kinda gross and then i realized it was just a lot of internalized transphobia after i came out

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self: ur parents knew u were bisexual for like years, calm down and come out no one cares lol

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders? i’m a lot pickier with guys than i am with women. most of it is personality based, i find it harder to “click” with guys.

16. who is an ex you regret? haha funny

17. night club gay or cafe gay? cafe, they have coffee

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for: i mean i’m bi but i guess i’d “go straight” for debra shaw

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? movie gay it requires the least amount of movement

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not): i don’t know what this means

21. favourite gay youtuber: idk if chris fleming is lgbtq but i love them. they’re the only youtuber i have watched

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? before i transitioned i tried to not date straight people, so no. 23. have you ever been in love? haha yeah. have you met me?

24. have you ever been heartbroken? ya of course i’m a huge baby

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone: my ideal self is radically different from my “type”

26. favourite lgb musician/band: rn it’s limp wrist

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays: being lgbtq does not excuse you from being hateful 28. are you out? if so how did you come out: i’m out in most of life, just not at work fully. i feel like coming out (as anything) is a process that you do over your lifetime. it’s not like i came out (as bisexual or as trans in my case) just once and i was done. i still come out as both whenever it comes up. everyone does. 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have had: one time i told a girl on my dorm hall i was bisexual and she took two physical steps back from me. she never spoke to me again. she wouldn’t even look at me after that. 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality: i’ve been privileged to grow up in a space that is safe for expressing my sexuality and my gender, so I don’t know if i’m really the best person to speak on this. I can say that surrounding myself with other people in the lgbtq community (when i got to college) has made me feel safer and more understood.

[augustawren]

101 Questions You Should Be Able to Answer About Your Character

Filled out for Savior AU

1. What is your full name? Do you have a nickname? Uh, I guess my birth name was Fayri Underhill. I go by Wren. Soon to be Wren Meluir. *grins* Thrush calls me Little Bird or Aiwë. Blaise calls me Little One.  2. How old are you? When is your birthday? I’m 20 and my birthday, I just found out, is the 3rd of Maen. So I guess I’ll be 21 soon. 3. Where were you born? Where do you live now? Are you patriotic? I was born in the Rillands but I don’t remember it. I’m from Dolbry, in Saumermere. Am I patriotic? *snorts* Not unless it’s to Dolbry. 4. Who are/were your parents? (Names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Alice and Harper Underhill. Harper is dead and I never knew him. He didn’t try and save me from being kidnapped, so no great loss. I don’t actually know what he and Alice did for work. *shrugs* Alice is okay. She’s kinda nice. 5. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Yeah. I got a sister. She’s fine. I wish we were closer but... *shrugs again* whatever. She left. 6. What is your occupation? Thief? If that counts as a job? 7. How tall are you? How much do you weigh? 2′11.5 ft tall, I’m gaining my weight back so I’m probably about 25lbs. Can’t see my ribs no more, and look at these tits, yeah?? 8. What color is your hair? What color are your eyes? My hair is mostly white but I still got some brown on the sides. My eyes are hazel. 9. What is your race? I’m a halfling (white) 10. To which social class do you belong? The shit one? 11. Do you consider yourself to be attractive? Do others? HAHAHAHAHA no. Thrush does, I guess. Devlin did, I think.  12. What is your style of dress? I like to be comfortable. Breeches and a plain shirt works just fine for me. 13. Do you have any scars? Tattoos? Birthmarks? Other unique physical features? You wanna talk scars? You got all day? There’s the one from a knife across my lips, the ones from a whip all over my back (think 8 years worth of regular whippings), the brand on my left shoulder (circle with two horizontal lines), a few burn scars on my palms and knees. I have two tattoos, one on my right hip of a butterfly (prevents pregnancy) and one on my left forearm of a wren and a thrush flying together. I’ve got freckles pretty much all over. 14. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? One time I ate a muffin with teeny seeds in it and my mouth swelled up and I couldn’t breathe. I got a thing in my right hand where a broken bone didn’t heal right, but other than that, I’m fit as a fiddle! ((she has severe PTSD, dissociative disorders including dissociative amnesia and dissociative fugue, is possibly borderline, and has severe attachment issues)) 15. Are you right- or left-handed? I can use both pretty well, but I guess I write and stuff with my right, but when I’m juggling, my left leads. 16. What does your voice sound like? Ehhh... I dunno? My Dolbry accent is pretty thick, yeah? Sometimes I talk real fast. 17. What kind of vocabulary do you use? The street kind, ya porcelain. 18. List three quirks or other defining characteristics. 1-- I dunno if it’s a quirk, but I don’t like carrying less than twelve knives on me at a time. More, usually, but the baseline is twelve. 2-- I like dancin’. Both with music and with daggers. 3--  19. How often do you bathe? Do you wear perfumes? When I can, I guess. It’s not my favorite thing to do, unless I’m with Thrush. And no, I don’t wear perfume. I used to use a lavender and honey soap, but I don’t so much anymore. 20. What kind of facial expression do you commonly wear (dour glare, wry smile, etc)? Depends who I’m with. With Thrush I’ve been all smiles lately. I guess in general it’s more a ‘get the fuck outta my way’ glare. 21. Do you use body language? How? Yeah, I guess I can be easy to read. My body language is stiff when I’m pissed off, I dance around when I’m happy, that kinda stuff. 22. Do you have a commonly used saying? Heh, yeah, well, I used to, whenever I’d open a lock, I’d say “you’re the joke and baby I’m the punchline”. It’s funny, yeah? *giggles* And, uh, well, Gabriel always said “no loose ends” and “only worth your weight” so... I still think those a lot. Childhood 23. What is your earliest memory? Ah, you really wanna go there? They’re not good. Um, they all kinda blur together. Being whipped, I guess. Lots of blood. 24. How much schooling have you had? Did you enjoy it? I was mentored and taught by a few member of the guild for several years. I hated most of the book learning, but loved everything else. 25. Where did you learn most of your knowledge and skill? The Thieves Guild 26. How would you describe your childhood in general? Half hell, half hard work. 27. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Uh, well, until I was about ten all I wanted to do was die. After that, I guess I just wanted to be the best thief ever. 28. When and with whom was your first kiss? Widget kissed me when he first got to the factory. I was like six-ish. After that, I kissed Thrush under the holly when I was seventeen. 29. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Nope. I fucked a guy named Leo. Turned out it was a real bad mistake for both of us. He went bragging about it and got nearly all his men killed. 30. Do you have a notorious or celebrated ancestor? Does that affect you? Nope and nope. I’m the notorious one, but I’m not gonna be anyone’s ancestor. Influences 31. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Meeting Thrush 32. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Destroying the factory and killing Fang 33. What is your greatest regret? Not going back for Widget  34. What is the most embarrassing or shameful thing ever to happen to you? Wow, you sure you wanna ask to someone who was kept for a slave for almost ten years? Take a wild guess. 35. Do you have any secrets? If so, what are they? See the above. 36. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? Ehh... I dunno. Evil’s kinda subjective. I cut out a half orc’s tongue, eyes, and heart while he was still alive once. And killed his familiar right in front of him. But HE was real evil. 37. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I was little. My last night in the factory. 38. Have you ever traveled outside of your country? If so, to where? Nope. Unless you count other planes, I guess. Beliefs 39. What is your alignment? Chaotic neutral 40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? I’ve been gettin more optimistic, but usually I’ma pessimist.  41. Do you believe in a god? If so, which one and why? I believe that they exist but I don’t exactly worship one anymore.  Used to be Yondalla. 42. Do you believe in an afterlife? I guess. 43. What is your greatest fear? Being alone 44. What makes you angry? Sad? Happy? Why? Angry-- when people act like they know what’s best for me Sad-- Innocents suffering Happy-- Thrush, food, dancing, sex, Widget 45. Do you think people are basically good or basically evil? Pretty evil generally 46. What are your views on politics? Religion? Sex? Don’t care about any of it except sex. That I’m all open and free about. 47. What are your views on gambling, lying, theft, and killing? All necessary, and all things I’ve done.   48. How far will you go to defend your beliefs? To the ends of the earth. Pretty sure I demonstrated that in Dolbry, and Ima do it again with this whole Belmont thing. 49. How much do you value money? Only worth my weight. Gold is everything. Gold is life. 50. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Uh... Be Fang. Enslave and kill kids, do what he did to Thrush and that girl, all that. 51. Do you believe in self-sacrifice for the greater good? Yeah 52. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Most definitely. Look at me and Thrush. 53. Are you superstitious? Nah, not really. 54. How much do you respect the beliefs and opinions of others? Depends on if they’re stupid. 55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? Not very. Unless I’m talking to Thrush, I guess. 56. Do you have any biases or prejudices? I don’t like dwarves all that much, but that’s cause their food sucks and one of them is married to my sister, which is fucking weird. Dealing With Others 57. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Thrush. He just is. He’s my world. 58. Who is the person you respect the most? Despise the most? Why? Respect the most? Lou. I never realized what she had to go through until I had to lead people, too. Despise the most? Well, now that Fang’s dead, and Gabriel... Probably Belmont. But Lily’s a close second. 59. Do you have a significant other? Who? In case you haven’t figured it out. Yeah. Thrush. 60. Do you have a lot of friends? Who is your best friend? I guess more than I thought I did. I used to think I didn’t have any. Widget is my best friend. 61. How do you relate to members of the same race? Class? Sex? I don’t know a ton of halflings, but I tend to like them when I meet them. If other rogues are on my side, I love ‘em. Girls are great.  62. How do you relate to members of a different race? Class? Sex? Different races are mostly fine. Wish they were a little shorter, most times. Other classes are fine. Unless you mean social class, then I tend to not get on too well with the porcelains.  63. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yeah, twice. Things didn’t work with Devlin, obviously, and Thrush and I stayed away from each other for a long time, but now we’re together. 64. What do you look for in a potential lover? They’re sexy either in how they look or act. I need to trust them at least to a degree. 65. How close are you to your family? Not close. At all. 66. Do you want a marriage, family, and/or children? Marriage, yes, and we’re about to do that. No to anything else. 67. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? Argue. Please see: my relationship with Devlin 68. Are you a listener or a talker? I guess I’m a talker? 69. How long does it usually take for you to trust others? A looooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggg time. Like, think years. And years. To fully trust, anyway. I trust Blaise and I just met her a few months ago, but pretty much everyone else it takes years. 70. Do you hold grudges? Oh fuck yes I do. 71. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? Not generally, no. Though I guess I might a bit more after this whole Dolbry mess. 72. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? HA! No. Nooooo. I hate it. Last time it happened, I blanked out and don’t remember what happened. 73. How well do you express yourself? Not very well unless Thrush and I are alone together. 74. How quickly do you judge others? Pretty fast. Sizing people up is what I was trained to do. 75. Do you care what others think of you? Yeah, I guess so. I dunno, I just hate the way people pity me 76. Do you have any enemies? How or why are they your enemy? I guess people who don’t like what I did in Dolbry? And Belmont and his people. Personal Taste and Opinions 77. What is your favorite pastime? Color? Food? Possession? I like to dance and practice tumbling and backflips. I used to draw a little. My favorite color is stormy blue. My favorite food is chocolate cake with raspberries. And my favorite possession is probably my book of elven love poetry from Thrush. Followed closely by my new ruby necklace from him. 78. What are your preferences in arts and/or entertainment? I thought that play about me was HILARIOUS. I like funny things like that, not the weird tragedies the theater people sometimes do. For art, I like Thrush’s drawings and carvings. Soft, flowing things like that. 79. Do you smoke, drink, go whoring, or use drugs? Why or why not?. I drink and sleep around a bit with Thrush. And... because it’s fun? 80. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Fighting or fucking. 81. What is your most cherished fantasy? Every day is a fantasy with Thrush. But I really can’t wait to have a house with him. I just wanna do regular shit with him. Make breakfast. Sleep in our own bed. Laugh and run naked through the house. 82. How long is your attention span? I can be pretty focused when I wanna be, but I’m not very patient most of the time 83. Do you laugh a lot? What do you find funny? When I’m with Thrush. I dunno, I guess I find a lot of shit funny.  84. Is there anything that shocks or offends you? If so, what? Not generally. I don’t like when people are rude about other people for no reason 85. How do you deal with stress? Depends how bad it is. If it’s real bad, my mind can blank out and I disappear in myself 86. How much athletic ability do you have? Artistic? I can climb and tumble and balance and dance. I can draw a little bit. 87. Do you like animals? Do you like children? Animals are okay. Kids are... weird. I like Trynni, but that’s about it. 88. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Kinda both. I guess more spontaneous 89. What are your pet peeves? “You’re not being fair” say it to me and you’re dead. People being fake. People being too nice. Self-Image 90. What is your greatest strength as a person? Weakness? I guess I’ve been through a lot of shit. And when you’ve been through shit and survived, people like to call you “resilient” or whatever. As for weaknesses, I’m emotional, irrational, short-tempered, and don’t think things through 91. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Pretty much everything 92. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Introverted? I dunno. I used to be a lot more so. 93. Do you like yourself? Not really, but Thrush is helping me see some positives 94. Do you have a daily routine? How do you feel if your day is interrupted? I used to in the Guild, and I kinda liked it. Now time is super free 95. What goal do you most want to accomplish in the next six months? Your lifetime? Kill Belmont. Get a house. Figure out how to live as long as an elf. 96. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? With Thrush. With Thrush. With Thrush. 97. If you could choose, how would you want to die? In Thrush’s arms. 98. What is the one thing you would like to be remembered for after your death? Doing what I could for Dolbry 99. What three words would you use to best describe your personality? unstable, impulsive, fierce 100. What three words would others probably use to describe you? mischievous, ruthless (according to Grul), cheeky 101. Why are you risking your life to adventure?  To save the world, duh. Because I, you know, live in the world.