#EXTREMELY happy this method now works
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alicelufenia · 9 months ago
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Testing new ways to recruit Minthara in Patch 6 - Part 1 (KO at the grove battle)
First of what may become a series of attempts to find new ways to recruit Minthara on the good playthrough.
Now according to the patch notes:
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It's unclear what they mean by "number of valid methods". So far the ONLY valid methods to recruit Minthara are siding with the Goblins (ie the best method) or to knock her out while temporarily hostile. I go on all about it in this post.
So to start I wanted to see if the number of cases where she becomes temporarily hostile have been expanded. And the first method I wanted to test is possibly the coolest way to knock her out; by fighting her and the goblin horde at the grove! I don't need to show any screenshots of that, suffice to say, she was marked fully hostile by the game, and her knocked out status was NOT temporary (ie., said this entity would disappear permanently after a long rest)
So I played the rest out as you normally would; long resting to go to the tiefling party, then heading to the mountain pass, past the undead patrol, into the shadow-cursed lands, summoned Kar'niss, turned on him at the Harpers, yada yada Last Light Inn yada yada Isobel and Marcus.
So I arrive at Moonrise, and while expecting nothing, who do I see?
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THERE SHE IS! And wearing her camp clothing cause I stole her armor again lmao (and she didn't wear the blazer of benevolence I reverse-looted into her inventory, cause she'd rather be in her PJs in front of her boss than anything from Volo. Honestly understandable.)
The cutscene plays out normally, but after going down into the prison, freeing her mind and fighting her interrogators
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She just... breaks. No dialogue, not interactable, doesn't follow me, nothing. Killing the other guards outside doesn't do anything.
At first I was ready to call this whole attempt bugged (which don't get me wrong, this IS a bug)
But I thought, what if I have her play along (I never did that in my own playthrough) So I reload, and trick the guards instead.
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SUCCESS! She's a follower npc now!
We deceive our way out of Moonrise, send her back to camp
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Also, incredibly funny that both Astarion and Karlach approve, when Astarion is the only one who voices major objections, and earlier Karlach had this to say at camp before we headed into the prison
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I guess seeing her tortured and grateful for being freed warmed Karlach's heart to her. Awww :3
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Ladies and gentlemen, we got her
It's not completely without bugs. Karlach and Wyll both didn't have anything to say about Minthara's recruitment, but that might have been because I hadn't exhausted their reactive dialogue beforehand, as they both had things to say about prior events. Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Astarion and Gale (y'know the regular durge squad) all had their normal reactions.
Also Halsin isn't there cause he's currently at Last Light hanging out with Art. I hadn't even found Thaniel yet. Although I don't anticipate any interactions with those two, as the ultimatum dialogue is still inaccessible, and even if it was, involves an absolutely convoluted way to get both Halsin and Minthara that will almost never happen anyway.
Final Verdict: Recruiting Minthara by KOing her while defending the grove - WORKS!
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starry-bi-sky · 5 months ago
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Nausea hits Danny like a steamboat. Or maybe a train. Or one of Skulker's punches to the gut -- either way, one moment he's laying on his side, half-conscious and trying to watch the Bat-Man putter about his little detox station as Alfred diligently kept Danny's sweat-soaked forehead dry and his face free of blood. Then the next, a sensation he can only describe as his stomach trying to wring itself inside out claws desperately through his gut.
In the way only the feeling of being about to vomit can bring, Danny has a moment of clarity, and he shoots up from the table as the back of his throat hollows open and he gags wordlessly. "Bucket." He retches, holding himself up on violently shaking arms as his vision begins to swim again. "B'cket, I n'd a buck't."
The man, Alfred, lurches off to the side, and Danny's not quite sure where but he manages to produce a tin bucket out from thin air. just in time for Danny to snag it from his hands and empty out the contents of his stomach into it.
(There was hardly anything in it but his own bile and what little food he'd eaten today -- he hasn't had an appetite since he found his family dead in their beds, silent and peaceful as if all they'd done was go to sleep.)
(He knows not every death is created equal, some are simply clumsy, but still, it just felt cruel--)
When he's done, the little smoothie from hell he left behind is tinged red, and there's the distinct taste of iron on his tongue. It coats the back of his throat, and for a moment, Danny simply stares uncomprehendingly at it.
"Oh," he mumbles, feeling only a little better as his nausea's hotflashing fades and takes with it what little clarity he had left. His grip weakens, and the bucket loosens in his grasp. "Tha's no good."
From the corner of his blurring eye, the Bat-Man stops what he's doing to turn and look at him. Danny can finally see the wide, shock-blue color of his eyes; they look alarmed.
It's okay, Danny thinks, instinctively trying to reassure. Blood-and-spit still coats his bottom lip, as cotton returns to blanket over his brain. His mouth refuses to move however, his jaw feeling too heavy to allow him to make a sound. Alfred takes the bucket from his hands, and only then does Danny realize his soft swaying.
He and the Bat-Man stare at each other, something akin to fear in the other man's eyes, before he breaks the prolonged eye contact and returns to his antidote-making with a renewed vigor.
Alfred comes back into view, and with a kind hand, pushes Danny to slowly lay back down on his side. Danny does so silently, his arms trembling terribly. Alfred's hand cups his cheek, protecting his head as Danny became more vertical, and Danny can't help but tilt his nose inwards and press into the meat of his palm.
His mind is all over the place, low rumbling pain is beginning to set back in again, but Alfred's hand is warm and Danny so desperately needs the gentle touch. It's been so, so long.
Despite making all of his own inventions, Vlad's hands were too soft, too well-maintained, and every saccharine hand he ever laid on Danny was too tight, too possessive, too much. Too thick; syrupy. it felt like a leash threatening to wrap around his throat and chain him to the floor. Danny wanted to carve his own skin out from his body whenever Vlad tried to touch him.
Alfred's hands were rough and callused like his parents' were; toughened from years of hard work and handling machinery. He noticed it before when he was cleaning the blood from his face, but he was noticing it again now, and it was like sleep to the insomnic. Or like a balm to heartburn.
It's okay, Danny thinks deliriously, the reassurance he wanted to give the Bat-Man earlier washing over him instead. It's okay, he breathes carefully, it's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay.
When Danny's finally laying fully back down, the hand on his cheek begins to pull away. The brief respite it gave to his muffled mind immediately combusts, his skin growing cold as his irrational peace crashes and burns at his feet.
His eyes -- since when had they been shut? -- shoot open.
No, no, no, wait, this is wrong.
An agonized whine slips past him, paining and hurting, terrified, and he latches out and leeches his hands around Alfred's wrist. "Don’t go.” Danny rasps, voice breaking in two. “Pl’se, ple’se, please. Don’t leave me. Pl’se don’ leave me.”
He claws at Alfred’s sleeve, trying to pull him closer with a low cry. Tears bubble and bleed onto his eyelashes, his core hums and he can feel the ectoplasm beneath his skin begin to buzz. No, no, no, he was doing so good. He was doing so, so good.
Like sharks smelling blood in the water, Danny can practically feel the blood blossom in his veins thicken. Behind his eyes, his mind conjures the image of a wolf lunging at an injured rabbit, and just as its glistening maw snaps down on the animal’s neck, agony ricochets through his lungs.
A sob beats out of his chest, and flowering pain burns through him like wildfire. Clawing maliciously, hungrily, through his nerves and sinew and bone, down to the keratin of his fingernails, and swallowing his head whole. Blood spills down his nose, and Danny cracks out another sob.
“Please!” He cries. He chokes on his lungs, and coughs violent and wet. Iron coats his tongue, and begins dripping into his mouth. Panic fills his head with static, the ectoplasm buzzes louder in his ears. Danny gags on blood.
He manages to latch his fingers onto Alfred’s shirt, scrabbling for the fabric even as the man swoops forward once again and wraps his arms around him. Danny’s propped up, and he pushes his face into the man’s collarbone with hysteric tears burning down his face.
“Don’— don’ leave me. Pl’ase, ple’se, pl’se.” He babbles, voice thickened in grief. Through his tears and blurring lashes, he peers up at Alfred, and catches the stern tightening around his eyes. Terror spins his head this way and that, and Danny’s grip tightens. No, no, no, he’s sorry, he’s sorry. He’ll be good.
More blood fills his mouth, and Danny’s everything is alight in stabbing, terrible agony as the blood blossom toxin devours him whole in renewed fervor. His fear feeds the ectoplasm, and in turn feeds the blood blossom. With another sob, blood spills down his chin and stains down his throat. He chokes, and tries throwing his head back — he’s going— he’s going to get blood on him.
Alfred’s hand stops him, “None of that, Mister Danny.” He orders, sounding deceptively calm as he pushes Danny back against his shoulder. Danny tries to fight against it, but his strength has all but been consumed by the poison, and so he acquiesces with a high whine. “We're not going anywhere.”
Fingers find their way through his hair in an attempt to soothe; it does nothing to stop his snowballing terror, but it distracts Danny from the second bubble of blood pooling up his throat. “M’sorry.” He gurgles. Blood sputters from his lips, and joins the rest dribbling down his chin.
His tears block out his vision. “M’sorry, m’sorry, m’sorry, m’sorry, m’sorry.”
He should’ve— he should’ve known better than to think he could find a way out of this. Blood blossom is blood blossom, and it’s been extinct in the living realm for centuries. But he just- he just wanted to get away, he wanted to hope. But they're not going to find him a cure, he’s going to die here and the blossom will destroy his core and he’ll cease to exist forever.
Another sob tears out from him, leaving its claw marks in his lungs as it verges on the edge of a shriek. “I’m sorry!” Danny wails, creating divots into Alfred’s shirt. “I don’ wanna go, please, I don’ wann’ go. I can b’ good, I prom'z'.”
Alfred’s grip on him tightens, and Danny barely hears the low growl vibrating out of his throat. “Master Bruce.”
“I’m almost done.”
He shouldn’t have bothered these people with his problems, he should’ve just— just found an alleyway to die in. Somewhere away from everyone else— but he didn’t, he had to be fucking hopeful. And now he was going to die here in front of people who didn’t deserve to watch—
“I��ve got it.”
Danny’s vision dots and blacks as Alfred suddenly moves him, and his hands scrabble for him as he starts to pull away. “No no no—” He slurs, more blood spitting from his lips. Don’t leave him alone, please.
The Bat-Man appears to take him instead, a vortex mass of black that sweeps an arm behind his back and pulls him back close. Danny’s fingers, shaking, weak, aching, latch desperately onto what of his cape he can reach. “Don’ wanna die.” He cries, burrowing into Bat-Man’s shoulder. He’s scared, he’s so scared.
A new hand cradles the back of his neck, and Bat-Man’s voice rumbles low like an incoming storm. “You’re not going to.”
There’s a prick in Danny’s arm, cutting through the dying haze of his mind. He nearly misses it, it’s nearly drowned out by the prickling, burning pain consuming him, but he feels it for a brief, singular moment.
Relief sludges through him seconds after, dousing water over his bones and tissue and chasing away the blossom’s ravenous hunger. It spreads through his arm; down to his fingers and up to his shoulder, following along his collarbone and out to weave through his ribs and lungs and heart.
He did it. Danny thinks deliriously, feeling his lungs and sinew attempting to stitch themselves back together as the injection stifles the poison and spreads down to his legs. He barks out a laugh — it hurts, and he regrets it within seconds, but not enough as he probably should. He did it, he did it, he did it.
The Bat-Man carefully pulls the syringe out, and only now does Danny register the old-familiar sting of needle piercing skin. And when it’s placed at Danny’s feet, the Bat-Man raises his hand again and carefully presses his hand — rough and calloused more than Alfred’s — to his jaw. Danny freezes, silent as a mouse, and lets the man tilt his head and press his fingers to his pulse, before using what strength he’s got left in his arms to fling them around Bat-Man’s neck.
The Bat-Man makes a startled grunt, and Danny tries to say something, but it comes out slurred and incomprehensible even to his own ears. So Danny just pushes his face into Bat-Man’s shoulder, smearing blood against the armor weave. He’s too exhausted and happy to feel bad, and he’s shaking so much that it’s only because the Bat-Man tentatively wraps his arms around him in return that he doesn’t collapse.
'Thank you, thank you, thank you.' Is what he wants to say, but he can't find the strength in his tongue to move it. He ends up choking on some sort of half-there sob, hoping that this alone can properly convey the sheer gratitude he feels. The arms around him tighten minutely.
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Bruce only loosens his hold when Danny's gone completely limp against his chest, and it's only so that he can shift the boy's weight onto one of his arms in order to check for his pulse again. His hand stays remarkably still despite the bone-deep trembling he can feel in his arms, and only when he feels the arrhythmic fluttering of a heartbeat against his skin does Bruce breathe out.
"He's alive." He murmurs, if only for the reassurance to himself. He was alive. Daniel was alive, for now. "Just unconscious." It was hard to say he looked alive. Danny became, somehow, even paler than when Bruce first laid eyes on him, and the blood soaking down his front didn't leave the mind to wander beyond the image of a corpse.
Bruce feels for a heartbeat again, just to be sure.
(He doesn't think he'll ever be able to wipe the image of Daniel wringing out a slur of apologies, thick red blood bubbling out of his mouth as he was actively dying, out of his mind. His hysteric sobs will haunt Bruce's dreams hand-in-hand with the rest of his nightmares. If he'd been a few minutes too late...)
Alfred makes a curt sound, dragging Bruce from an oncoming spiral, and appears with a new handkerchief -- from where, he wasn't sure. "I'm not surprised he passed out." He mutters matter-of-factly, rounding around the table to Bruce and Danny's side. "Simply surprised by how long it took."
"Hn." Bruce plucks the handkerchief from Alfred's hand before he can clean Daniel's face, and begins doing it himself. They'll need to run some kind of DNA scan to figure out his identity, he hadn't given a last name. A blood test too. Danny said his godfather used blood blossom, an extinct flower, to poison him. Bruce wasn't sure if it was true, or just the delirious hallucination of a child trying to survive.
(And if it was true, then there was no telling whether the poison would have any long term effects on the boy. He'd been somewhat stable the entire time -- barring his rapid deterioration at the start when he heard the sound of his godfather's voice -- so his sudden, abrupt, decline had been both alarming and terrifying.)
Alfred arches an eyebrow at him, and plucks the syringe off the table to dispose of it. "May I ask what your next plan is, Master Bruce?" He asks anyways, expertly dismantling the syringe's needle and throwing it in the sharps container nearby. "I hope you don't plan on sending him on his merry way when he wakes up."
Bruce jerks, "What?" He looks up at Alfred, pausing from cleaning Danny's face to stare at him, quietly balking. He hasn't thought of what he was going to do yet, but that hadn't even crossed his mind. "No, I'm not." Not when he wasn't sure what the aftereffects of the poison were like. Not when the only person Danny could go to was his godfather -- the very man who poisoned him.
(And the mere reminder of it forces something hot and dark and angry to bubble underneath his skin, like a dark shadow skimming the surface of the water.)
No, no. Sending Daniel out when he woke up wasn't an option. Bruce would never sleep again if he chose that. But, then-- well, what was? He couldn't keep him in the cave; Bruce spares one glance around the decrepit, abandoned train station, and doesn't even need to consider it.
But the only other option he could safely think of -- one where Daniel would be left undisturbed and unfound by the rest of the world, somewhere no one would think to look, -- was the Manor. Except, if he took him to the manor, how would he explain how he got there? Any and all excuses led to tying Bruce Wayne to Batman.
He looks down at Daniel. Most of the blood has been soaked in by the handkerchief, if he tried cleaning off anymore all he would be doing is smear it around. With the blood no longer being the sole point of his attention, he could finally take in the rest of the child's face.
There really wasn't much to look at beyond, well, just how young he was. Baby fat still clung around his cheeks, and blood was soaked on the dark hair curling at the nape of his neck. Bruce hadn't noticed it earlier, too distracted with trying to do something to save him, but Daniel was as light as a feather. Lighter than he ought to be. Picking up his arm, Bruce silently wraps his fingers around his wrist, and presses his lips together when his fingers touch and then some.
Was he really going to prioritize his secret identity over the safety of a kid?
"Well?" Alfred's voice breaks through the thoughts in Bruce's head, and he snaps his eyes back up to the man who raised him. Alfred's brow is perfectly arched, and he stares at Bruce expectantly, awaiting an answer. "What is your next step, Master Bruce?"
I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
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dollerines · 1 year ago
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How I entered the void so easily after 1 year of trying
So after 1 year and half of trying to enter I finally did it and I am so mad because it REALLY IS SOOOOO EASY and tbh if in this post you are looking for any sort of validation or info you smart ass already know then please REMEMBER THIS : entering the void is extremely easy. You just have to do it in a way that resonates with you.
Personally for me since I had adhd I couldn’t just stay still and affirm for 1 or even a few for 10 mins. Not just because I was lazy but because just repeating “I am in the void” for so long gets me tired and makes me think of the void more and you actually don’t want to think too deeep about it. I couldn’t wake 3 hours prior and then affirm or even have the patience to do the psych k, yes I was extremely lazy back then and unpresistent but one thing that helped me even backed then was THE ALPHA STATE MEDITATION !
You just have to find what works for you, find a method technique whatever you want to do that doesn’t seem like a chore. So In a post back then I found on @gorgeouslypink acc talking about doing the alpha sate meditation and I tried it back then and I felt really relaxed and it was a good feeling but like I said back then I was realllly lazy so after a few mins I stopped. Then many months later passed and I was still looking for anything and everything on the void. Then just like two days ago I came across another post which was pretty simple and the technique I used was called the DISTRACTED TECHNIQUE.
All there was to do was the usual you get into a comfortable position and then she said to use the alpha state meditation and used the one gorgeouslypink recommended. So I used it and then what she tell you to do is to just think of anything else just get distracted basically and this WAS SO GOOD 4 ME because back then I had adhd so it made it harder to concentrate on just affirming and so yeah I just thought of random things and then at some point where I was completely distracted I felt my body like lift up 😭 if that makes sense I just can’t clearly describe it. It felt really like a shift and I was like ‘panicking’ in a way but I wasn’t actually panicking I just kinda became aware what was going and then I got scared a little but I just relaxed shortly after. Also my fan that was making like a loud noises was coming in an out and then I only hear it in one ear and then I didn’t hear anything and I just stayed there wondering if I reached the void and i actually was!!! I didn’t feel my body it felt like I had no body at all and it was pitch black just like how I imagined the void to be. For a few minutes I just stayed there feeling the most surreal peace I have ever felt. I needed that peace fr 💀.
So then I affirmed for my desires all I said was “I have all my desired results from my subliminal playlist.” Then just to be extra sure I just said “I have everything I want.”
At that point I got really excited and then I wiggled my toes to get out because I was too dam happy I needed to see all my shit the moment I wake up and then I slowly started getting out and when I tell you I cried for like a good dam minute when I woke up and saw how DIFFERENT. My room looked. I literally screamed onto my pillow. I was so dam scare and yet excited to see how I looked.
WHAT I MANIFESTED :
Desired body and face
Having silky straight tailbone length hair cuz mines was originally curly
And everything in my sub playlist
My desired boyfriend and guys I made him be like Gojo Satoru ( because we are all delusional over him 🤪) and let me tell you he is so tall, handsome, sexy and a literal god. He is so silly too 🩷
Moving countries I now live in ny
Never actually meeting my ex and all the people in my old school forget me and have actually never even met me. Like if u asked them about me they have never heard or known me before
Extremely rich rich like hella bands
Got rid of my anxiety and mental health issue
Plus +++
NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
Even if the circumstances seem to be eating you alive don’t mind that too much. Even if all seems hopeless don’t give up because you already know nothing can decide or be unless you give it power to be. So stop being goofy and take responsibility and DONT STRESS!! You don’t see God stressing do you. All he has to do is blink and whatever he wants to happen, happens. Plus a lot of confidence came from non dualism that I owe a huge thanks to @trynafindbarbiee she really said it like it is !!
YOU GOT THIS ML 🩷🩷🩷🩷
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luckykiwiii101 · 6 months ago
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Hello, I am writing to you as a 22-year-old girl who managed to enter the void on the night of May 17 and changed her whole life.
I started my void  challenge in December 2021. It was very difficult for me both physically and psychologically. Because I had an environment that was abusive and violent. And my conditions were very terrible. I had an exam that I couldn't win for 3 years, an alcoholic father who beat me, and a mother who never let up on it. I have lost a lot of things in my life in 3 years, but I have never given up on emptiness. If there are people who are still struggling with the gap, I hope my success story will be a motivation for you.
One morning when I woke up with failure again, I was feeling extremely unhappy and hopeless. But an incident at home during the day made me say, ‘That's enough, I'm going to fuck everything up tonight and wake up in a void.
When I wasn't feeling very sleepy- or even sleepy at all- I lay down on the bed. Because I'm afraid to fall asleep. In order of;
15 min Holotropic breathwork
20 min Silva method
10 min Alpha State meditation
After lying motionless for about 45 minutes, the brown noise started playing. It is very natural that there is a desire to move, to be overwhelmed,to give up in this part. Please continue for your dreams. When the brown noise was playing, I used a single affirmation. 
‘I'm simply deciding that I'm in a void.’
I can't remember how many times I repeated it. After a while, everything became quiet and I felt so peaceful for the first time in my life. I had a 30-page document and I said that everything in there would be manifested.
A day ago, when I had nothing, I now have a house on the Mediterranean coast, a black bmw ix car, a Harvard math degree, an online job where I earn 25 thousand dollars per month by working only 4 hours a day 4 days a week (Dollars are very valuable in the country where I live, and my salary is multiplied by about 30.), I have a beautiful face, body and skin. I also showed that I can ride horses professionally and draw pictures. I confirmed that the apple products, books, cosmetics and skin products in my wishlist are also in my house. I have also declared the person I will meet about 1 year from now and who will become the man of my dreams.
THIS IS AMAZING!!!! I’m so happy that you’re now living your dream life 💗
This is such a good example of showing people that they can truly do anything. Thank you for taking your time to share this 💗
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risuola · 1 year ago
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TOO MUCH — F. READER x GOJO SATORU
Lately, it felt like not a second pass by without some new curse appearing somewhere in Japan and both you and Satoru had your hands full of work for few weeks, but when he comes back home, exhausted to the bone, his composure snaps and he unloads his frustration on you.
cw: angst, verbal abuse, hurt/little comfort, mentions of blood and hurt, reader is injured, mental exhaustion — 2,5k words
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Too much. Too much of everything that piled up on Satoru's shoulders, weighing him down so heavily that he almost couldn't breathe. It felt like the world was on fire, curses crawling out of every shithole in Japan, most of them first or special grade, spreading nothing but death and chaos. So many people killed, so much blood and pain he had witnessed in the last few weeks, it drowned him in exhaustion and helplessness. Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer alive, and yet he felt so helpless in the current situation. He traveled from town to town, fighting these terrors, but the lives that had been taken away, he couldn't bring back, and he used to think that he was immune to it already. Turns out, one can never be immune enough.
You had your hands full with work as well, but you stayed in Tokyo. The situation drained your energy too, the cascading waves of sadness and sorrow made you feel like you couldn't think straight, but you pushed through. You felt so weak, but had to be strong, everyone had to be. All of your sorcerer friends were just as engaged in the fight as you were, just as tired and distressed, but the show must go on, as they say.
You and Gojo weren't officially a couple, though everyone knew you were together. You were friends, yes, the kind of friends who kiss and have sex. The kind of friends that use pet-names and fall asleep while cuddling naked. Shit, you lived together for a few months, you know everything about him and he knows just as much about you. And you were happy, sharing every moment. He always said that you bring him so much comfort, that he feels like he can be openly himself when he's with you and be accepted for it. Nothing could ever bring you more joy than the man you love feeling comfortable with you.
That being said, it wasn't the best time for your relationship slash situationship. He was more out of the house than in it, and you were just sleeping there, barely. It's been going on for a few weeks already, and it's just now it’s beginning to finally calm down. Few weeks of constant fighting for everyone involved in the jujutsu world, but it started to slow down. So you knew that Satoru would finally return home.
It's when you showered and put on your pajamas that you heard the keys twisting in the lock and the doors opening. Putting on a smile, you rushed to welcome Gojo home, but the moment you saw him, you knew he's extremely exhausted.
Satoru entered the house already annoyed by the conversation he had with Gakuganji a few moments before. That old fart had the audacity to nag him about his methods while he himself was sitting in his cave sipping green tea, not caring one bit that the world was drowning in curses and blood. He threw the keys on the shelf, kicked off his shoes and took off the blindfold, then looked at you, all clean and comfortable in your pajamas. He scoffed quietly.
He felt like his own body was falling apart, everything hurt, his head was pounding, his eyes were burning. Even though he was actively healing himself, the side effects of everything were getting to him. A few weeks of nonstop fighting, of domains, of reds, blues, and purples, and so much physical combat had left him hanging on the last thread of his composure. The usual mask of cheerful carelessness long gone.
Suddenly he wished he could enter the empty house, throw away his clothes, collapse on the bed dirty and just fall asleep, but he couldn't. You were there. And there was never a time in the past when he wouldn't be absolutely overjoyed to come home to you. Even when tired, he wanted nothing more than your arms around him. But not right now.
"Satoru, hey," you greeted him, keeping your voice soft and on the quiet side. You knew him so well, you could see how fatigued he was and frankly, you couldn't blame him. Being the strongest had its downsides, one of which was being very much in demand, and sadly, no one could take his place. "You're exhausted, huh?"
"Look at you, so damn perceptive," he snapped harshly, his eyes cold and empty as he looked down at you. He walked past you to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Are you hungry? I can make you someth-“
"No, just shut up, you cannot make me fucking anything," once again, his tone was cold as he snarled at you. It was the first time so much cyanide spilled out of his mouth and he just barely opened it. At first you tried to understand it. Things had been really draining lately and you knew he was angry because he was tired, but it hurt nonetheless.
"Alright," you sighed, deciding it's best not to get deeper into the conversation when he's so argumentative. "Do as you wish, get some rest, Satoru."
"You know, why instead of telling me what the hell to do, you just don't leave my house, huh?", Shut up Gojo, he screamed at himself subconsciously. "Why are you even here anyway?" Shut. Up. " All comfy when I'm constantly on the job?"
"I know you're tired, Satoru, but I've been on missions too. I'm tired too," you looked at him in defeat, unable to keep the smiley mask on. There was so much wrong in this situation, so much anger being thrown at you for no reason whatsoever, and you had every right in the world to be just as angry as he was, but you just chose not to. You wanted to welcome him home with warmth, comfort him, and keep him up even if you felt down. You wanted to soothe his aching body when yours hurt just as much. Or worse. You were badly injured during the last few battles, but Shoko had her hands so full, you told her you could wait, and you hid all those wounds from Gojo's eyes so as not to worry him.
"'Yeah, your little missions,'" he bit, and your brows furrowed at the sound of his words.
"What does that even mean?" you asked, slowly feeling the heat of anger coursing through your veins. "I'm first gra-"
"I don't care what you are. You're still nothing to me. I deal with real shit, not those..."
You slapped him. Or at least you tried, your hand stopping just short of his face, and it surprised you to realize his limitless was still on, even though he was home already. He was still in fight-or-flight mode, still feeling threatened enough to keep his defensive techniques activated.
"Just what do you think you're fucking doing?" he growled, taking your wrist into his grip, the squeeze shooting shockwaves of pain through your nervous system. "Did my words hurt you? Did the truth hurt you so badly that you thought you could actually hit me?", his tone had a taunting undertone, and when you looked into his blue eyes, you saw nothing but cold. "Funny little thing."
"Let go, Satoru."
"Oh, I will. And when I do, you'll get your useless ass out of here. I'm not your boyfriend, we just fuck, we're not in a goddamn relationship for you to be here all the time. I need my space."
Gojo hated every word that fell out of his mouth, but now he couldn't take them back or erase them, and he didn't exactly know how to act now that he had said them. Immediately, he let his limitless inactivate, hoping you'd want to slap him again. Shit, he'd even accept a kick in the balls, but you remained silent, just looking at him. He could tell by the way your eyes glistened in the sharp artificial light of his kitchen that there were tears threatening to come out, but you didn't cry. Your jaw clenched for a moment and you lowered your hand.
"Right," you exhaled deeply, feeling the hurt burn your heart and soul. The smoke of sadness already flowing through your veins, your cells, your mind. "You're right, we're not. Here," you performed a theatrical swing of your arm, displaying the interiors to him, "your fucking space. I'll let myself out."
"Y/n..." he tried, but you were already in the room, changing from your pj's to sweatpants. He stayed in the kitchen, hoping you'd just jump into bed and maybe cry about it all, and he'd just come back later and comfort you when he wasn't mad anymore, but it didn't go that way.
Once he saw you again, you were heading towards the door.
"Y/n stay, don't be silly, stop," he tried to grab you, but you slapped his hands away.
"What, does the almighty, fucking honored one wish to add something to his oh-so-wonderful speech?"
"No, I'm sorry, stay," he took your hand forcefully, pulling you into his chest, but you fought back, not wanting anything to do with him right now. He had said too much. You knew it was all driven by his exhaustion, but it was far too much.
"No, Gojo, I don't want to stay here. I'm more than pleased to leave you in your space. There's no damn reason for you to share your precious air with such a useless nothing."
"No, no, please," he begged, his anger slowly being overtaken by panic. The sound of his last name felt cold and unfamiliar as it rolled off your tongue. "I'm sorry, please stay. I didn't mean it. Fuck, I didn't mean any of it."
"Please, take your hands off me," you told him more quietly. You were tired and now emotionally drained as well. All you wanted from this evening was to cuddle up with him to sleep. To bask in his warmth, knowing he's safe and home, to feel his skin against yours, to breathe him in. But no.
"No, I won't," he lowered his head and buried his face in your neck. "Please, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just so tired. I feel dead, there has been so much fighting and pain and suffering and death all around me these past few weeks. I'm sorry, y/n," his voice faded to whisper as he rambled against your pulse.
"Gojo..."
"I don't think you're useless or nothing. Fuck, what have I done" he was spiraling slowly into a panic attack. You could feel his heartbeat getting hectic, his breathing uneven, and his grip on you so tight it hurt. "I am nothing without you. Please stay."
"Gojo."
"I love you," he whispered, his tone breathless, and at first you thought you had heard him wrong. He had never told you that. Not even once. "I love you so fucking much, please. Slap me, kick me, punch me in the dick, I don't care. Just don't leave me. I'm so sorry."
"Satoru, please, it hurts..."
"Hurts?", he froze. What hurts? Did he hurt you? The thought frightened him, not only did he insult you for no damn reason and now he caused you pain? As if burned, he let go of you completely, raising his hands as if he wanted to keep them in sight so you knew he wouldn't hurt you anymore. "I'm sorry."
"I've been fighting for these weeks, too. I'm tired too. I would never compare myself to you, but I gave it my all, too," you exhaled deeply. "And I know you're exhausted, Satoru. So please go to bed and get some sleep. I'll just go home."
"Here is your home, with me."
"Here?", you briefly looked around. It was a place you loved because it was filled with him. It was where your heart wanted to be when you felt safest and happiest, but now... "Suddenly I feel like an intruder here. I feel like I shouldn't be here."
"No, please don't say that. Listen, y/n, love," he dropped to his knees, took your hands in his and kissed the tops of them gently and tenderly. "Please, stay with me. I'm an idiot. But I love you. And I need you here, I need you in my life. I want you by my side."
"So, what do you want us to be? You said we're just fucking. God, I thought we were at least friends, if not a couple, but..."
"I want us to be everything. I want you to be my friend, my partner, my lover, my wife and my entire world."
You sighed. Deep and slow, pushing the air out of your lungs, letting your whole body deflate as you took his hands and pulled him up.
"Go take a shower and come to bed. You need to sleep it off. I need to rest too."
Obeying, Satoru rushed to the bathroom and you made sure to lock the doors, turn off the lights and took the time to change back into your pajamas. Sitting on the bed, you finally felt the tears running down your face. They brought you some relief and you let them flow freely, desperate to get it out of you before Gojo came back. It pained you how wrong the evening went and you wondered if there was anything you did to cause it, but no. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it. And you should leave him there alone, just as he wished for. Then why were you still here?
"Please don't cry," his long arms wrapped around you from behind, enveloping you in his warmth. The light sweet scent of his body wash pleasantly filled your airways and it's out of habit that you leaned into him. "Will you ever forgive me?" he asked, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks. Slowly, he laid you down on the pillows and took his usual place beside you.
"I will," you sighed, already feeling the discomfort. "But please, let's change sides."
Satoru didn't understand at first, but he did what you asked anyway. When he saw you exhale in relief as you turned to the other side, his brain clicked. Moving his hands in the most delicate way possible, he lifted your shirt a little, revealing the many layers of bandages, already tinged with red that was seeping through them slowly.
"God, you're wounded. That's what was hurting you when I held you... I had no idea why you didn't tel-, ah, because I was being an asshole, right," he sighed.
"Yeah, I wasn't going to tell you anyway. I'm fine, just Shoko had her hands full, so I told her I'd wait a day or two. It's just a scratch, really," you told him, fixing your shirt. "Please, let's get some sleep, okay? We'll talk about it all later."
"I love you," he whispered, pulling you to his chest and planting a kiss on the top of your head. It was only now that he could feel his body relax, with you right next to him, your heartbeat syncing with his own, and all of your loving aura filling his body. And he realized that the words he never had the balls to say out loud to you now felt natural, rolling off his tongue. "I love you so much."
"You idiot," you sighed, closing your eyes and slowly melting into his form. "I love you too."
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raguiras · 5 months ago
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POV: Deuce's very first kiss from his crush
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(Click for better quality)
I'm finally officially introducing my Yuu/OC x canon/Yumeship here! (✿◕‿◕) Writing this post took me forever, but I'm super happy with it!
Reblogs are super appreciated hehehe
Please be kind & DO NOT take inspiration from this ship. ^^"
(While Allen isn't me, I'm calling them a Yumeship because he's based on my younger self/me when I first started playing TWST & because the ship gives me a ridiculous amount of comfort!)
Allen x Deuce (aka Spade of Storms) is my ultimate comfort ship and they mean a ton to me.
These two are best friends who become lovers and closely mirror each other. Deuce is the delinquent with rather bad self-control who tries to be a model student, while Allen is a former honor student who's now a very lowkey delinquent with stellar self-control and a mature attitude.
Due to the fact that Allen and Deuce are so similar and yet the opposite of each other, they're able to excellently understand and support the other, and they help each other accept themselves.
Their ship blog: @spade-of-storms (facts, drabbles & more est. May 2024)
Now why exactly are these two perfect for each other? Well...
LONG TEXT AHEAD!
♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤
Deuce:
Allen supports Deuce with all his heart. Instead of believing that someone "as stupid and temperamental" as Deuce could never become an honor student, Allen fully believes in him and encourages him. In comparison to when other people say it, these words actually have an incredibly strong impact on Deuce and are believable to him because he knows that Allen has similar experiences and speaks from them.
Allen doesn't think that Deuce is stupid in the slightest and views him as genuinely smart. To Allen, intelligence isn't determined by grades or academic abilities, but by morals, attitude, logic, and willingness — all of which Deuce has.
Allen doesn't try to change Deuce. Rather than turning Deuce into a full-on honor student and role model, which he isn't by nature, Allen prefers for Deuce to stay true to himself and work towards his goal while not suppressing any aspect of who he is — Allen knows exactly that forcefully becoming someone you naturally aren't would cause more issues than it would fix. In order to assist Deuce with staying true to himself while working towards his desired self, Allen does several things:
Allen lets Deuce be his 100% authentic self when they're together. Deuce tries extremely hard to always be polite and serious in order to maintain his reputation and not resort to old habits, but Allen, being very impulsive and easily angered himself, knows just too well that suppressing one's feelings and true nature isn't the way to go. When they're together, Deuce can openly rant about topics, use insults towards the people who angered him, and show his emotions without having to worry about how others perceive him or about how it might mess up his reputation — Allen would never judge Deuce nor share his secrets with others. This way, Deuce can be himself without restraints while also maintaining the way he wants others to perceive him.
Allen allows Deuce to be a delinquent in a safe, harmless way. If Deuce ever feels like doing something forbidden without breaking rules or staining his reputation, Allen (a very lowkey delinquent) has just the ideas for him. This provides a comfortable space for Deuce to live out his tendencies without falling back into bad habits.
Allen is able to introduce Deuce to a wide range of healthy coping mechanisms that work for him. Allen is a much angrier person than Deuce and is equally impulsive, but has stellar self-control due to the methods he uses, and passes them down to Deuce. As a result, Deuce doesn't feel the need to immediately lash out at others anymore and manages to become calmer and much more mature, taking steps into his desired direction.
Allen helps Deuce channel his "negative traits" into positive/helpful ones. With Allen's assistance, methods, reassuring words and unique view on things, Deuce learns how to use the qualities that he used to hate about himself to his advantage. Suddenly Deuce's anger is no longer a hindrance, but a source of energy and motivation.
Allen admires the things Deuce hates about himself. While Deuce wishes he wasn't as hot-headed, Allen views it as an amazing trait and sees the passion and longing for justice behind Deuce's fiery attitude. Additionally, Allen is able to help Deuce see the positive side of these traits, and aids him in channelling them into something good to use to his advantage (see above).
Allen is the only person to fully get through to Deuce. Due to them essentially having the same experiences, opinions, wishes and morals, Deuce felt comfortable trusting Allen with every last bit of his heart (in comparison to other friends) — not to mention that the way Allen was able to help Deuce so intensely and actually talked to him the way he needed it also played a role! Allen has his way with words and knew exactly how to talk to Deuce from the beginning.
Deuce can genuinely open up about his self-esteem to Allen. It's been heavily hinted at in the game several times that Deuce thinks incredibly lowly of himself, but this topic is usually cut short and he doesn't talk about it further with the canon Yuu. With Allen, however, Deuce can open up all he wants to. He knows that Allen has similar experiences and struggles with self-worth related issues himself, therefore not only not judging Deuce, but also fully understanding him.
Allen perfectly understands Deuce's past. Having been feared, avoided and known to be a delinquent/bad kid himself, Allen even understands the details extremely well. Neither of the two ever had a proper friend until they met each other on their first day at NRC.
Allen successfully helps Deuce with his studies despite hating school. Seeing how Deuce needs help, Allen (the "gifted kid") gladly volunteers, even though he's no longer interested in class and has sworn to drop the "honor student" facade himself. Due to Allen's easy explanations, methods, photographic memory and capability to catch on quickly, Deuce actually manages to improve his test results by 1-2 grades.
Allen's study methods are unique, which helps Deuce & is necessary for him. Being a slow learner (I also hc him to have some sort of intellectual disability), Deuce requires rather unique approaches to topics. As Allen is well-versed with both studying and psychology and also keeps Deuce's exact issues in mind, he's able to perfectly tailor methods and mnemonic bridges that actually work out for Deuce.
Allen makes sure that Deuce's desire to be a model student is & stays healthy. A fair part of Allen's trauma stems from being an honor student himself and having unrealistically high expectations regarding grades and attitude shoved down his throat by everyone at school (including himself), so he pays a lot of attention that the same doesn't happen to Deuce.
Allen respects Deuce a ton. Not only is Deuce determined, passionate, loyal, honest and eager, but he has the same core values as Allen, too. In Allen's opinion, finding someone with these traits is not only rare, but immediately makes them endearing to him.
Allen is patient with Deuce. He understands that Deuce occasionally has a difficult time processing and understanding things, and he isn't bothered by it in the slightest. This means even more when you consider that Allen is generally a very impatient person and is only able to be patient with those he truly loves and trusts.
Allen fills Deuce in when he doesn't understand something. Due to Allen being able to catch on extremely quickly, he can immediately explain things and situations to Deuce, helping him out and allowing him to get everything right from the beginning.
Allen indirectly protects Deuce. Known for being intimidating (in a good way), quick-witted, sly and a skilled schemer, most people — including those who enjoy picking on Deuce — shy away from Allen and avoid getting in trouble with his friends.
Allen stops Deuce from getting into fights. Whenever Deuce is about to get into a fight anyway, Allen gently but sternly reminds him of both his goal and the healthier coping mechanisms.
Allen understands that Deuce dislikes being picked on. Allen, being a sensitive person, hates it himself, and he actively tells off everyone who dares to make fun of Deuce or call him "Loosey Deucey". At times, Allen even gets snappy because of the inappropriate nicknames or insults directed at Deuce.
Allen inspires Deuce. Him being skilled at a variety of things and just logical in general gives Deuce the motivation to achieve the same. Deuce doesn't compare himself to Allen, either, and views him as an inspiration. If Allen can control himself and get positive things out of his negative traits, so can Deuce, right?! Not to mention that Allen is extremely tough and pulls through no matter what despite his mental and physical state...
Allen's maturity subconsciously wears off on Deuce. Even outside of the fact that Allen helps him grow and improve a lot through all the ways mentioned before, Deuce sometimes also subconsciously copies his boyfriend's mature attitude or asks himself what Allen would do in certain situations.
Allen is an advisor to Deuce. Deuce struggles with planning ahead, and Allen — a big-time overthinker who's extremely competent at scheming — is able to assist him. As a result, Deuce makes less bad decisions.
Allen loves blastcycles. Deuce can rant about them to Allen for hours, and the two often go on blastcycle dates together. Nothing is more fun than clinging onto your partner while driving at full speed!
Allen values Deuce's company like no other. Deuce regularly feels like a nobody, and Allen takes that feeling from him due to how much he connects with him and likes having him around.
BONUS: Allen is not only beautiful but also has an incredibly strong personality, drive, and determination and hasn't given up despite everything that happened to him. Deuce is a massive simp and his humongous crush on Allen has always been obvious due to how Deuce just can't shut up about him.
Allen:
Deuce loves and accepts Allen's body. As we have seen through his interactions with Azul and Epel, Deuce is very protective of people who don't fit the norm, and Allen is another such person — an intersex boy who was bullied for his unconventional body. Deuce has not only sworn to protect Allen from any possible discrimination, but also loves his body dearly and thinks he's super hot.
Deuce gives Allen a sense of stability. Allen's life was all about short-lived fake joys and prevailing negativity prior to coming to Twisted Wonderland, which made him feel disconnected from many things and people and gave him the feeling that everything is temporary anyway. However, Deuce's fierce loyalty and the strength of their relationship prove Allen wrong — yes, there can indeed be things in life that last forever.
Deuce's utter affection warms Allen's empty heart. Allen was never loved by anyone but his parents, who he thinks only love him because he's their son. Other than that, he never experienced love, affection, ... or even mere friendship. He was alone... until he met Deuce, who he somehow immediately connected with. It was as if their friendship was predestined by the universe... and with every day, Deuce's affection for Allen only grew.
Deuce genuinely admires Allen. Seeing how Allen always does his best, works hard, has ambitions and aims to improve impresses Deuce a ton. This is extremely healing for Allen, whose efforts were never properly recognized or rewarded before and who thinks that he needs to perfect at everything in order to be "someone".
Deuce makes Allen feel useful and resourceful. Allen often believes that he has no worth and could never make a change for the better no matter how much he tries, but seeing just how much he's able to help Deuce with a wide range of things proves Allen wrong — he's indeed capable of a lot of things. Not to mention that Deuce even passes some of Allen's tips down to Epel!
Deuce's honesty is refreshing to Allen. After being lied to and tricked by about anyone Allen ever knew before coming to Twisted Wonderland, Deuce's natural honesty and loyalty are an unfamiliar but utterly wonderful experience for Allen.
Deuce makes Allen feel understood. Allen often believes that others would view him as a monster if they were aware of his secret anger and opinions, but Deuce shares many of them. These two can openly talk about their values together and Allen feels extremely understood because of it — a feeling he barely ever experiences with other people.
Deuce helps Allen enjoy the moment. While he has some overthinking tendencies himself, Deuce is much more spontaneous than Allen and tends to act more on impulse. As a result, he can show his ways to Allen, allowing the overthinker to finally relax and think about his problems a little less.
Deuce doesn't hesitate to stand up for Allen. The fact that Allen was bullied for something he can't change in the past saddens and angers Deuce, and he has sworn to himself that he'll always protect his boyfriend. If there should ever be another situation where Allen gets bullied, Deuce won't hesitate to absolutely throw hands — this is not being a bad person and picking fights, it's standing up for an innocent person whose life was ruined by malice. Deuce wouldn't regret it in the slightest anymore, especially since Allen has helped him learn than anger isn't a bad thing.
Deuce helps Allen with becoming a proper mage. When Allen first gains magic during the final quarter of the school year, he has absolutely no control over it and is partially even avoided due to being a "walking health hazard". Deuce, however, sees this as the perfect time to pay Allen back for helping him study theory and decides to assist Allen with practical things. Through Deuce's determination and belief in him, Allen is able to improve much quicker than he would've without Deuce's help.
BONUS: Deuce is the warmth and honesty that Allen needs in his life. The boy's mere presence lights up Allen's day and Deuce's careful physical affection makes him feel like the most cherished person in the universe.
What else is there to them? (examples)
Both are extremely close with their families.
Due to being so similar and sharing many personality traits, loving each other so deeply allowed them to realize that they can easily love and accept themselves, too.
Deuce's previous incarnation had a crush on Allen's, who died way too early. In this life, the regrets of the past are being fixed.
Allen's the brain, Deuce is the brawn.
They're both extremely cuddly with each other.
LOTS OF COMPLIMENTS (from both sides).
Deuce often gifts Allen plushies.
Allen and Deuce are basically inseparable by now.
If you hang out with Deuce, you have to suffer through at least one tiny ramble about Allen.
...and much more that can be found on @spade-of-storms!
♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like the art & ship and are looking forward to more of them! (✿◕‿◕)
EDIT: Please do not take inspiration from this ship. ;-;
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dresshistorynerd · 5 months ago
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Sewing mid-16th century Venetian dress in doll scale
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My parents moved from my childhood home, so I needed to finally take all my old toys I want to keep to store myself, including my dolls. For a long while I've been thinking it might by fun to sew tiny historical clothing for dolls. I love watching doll customization videos, they are so satisfying, and I just really love it, when there's a normal sized thing and then you make it tiny. Especially if it's still functional and made from correct materials. I can't explain it better than tiny versions of bigger things just make me vibrate on higher level. Now that I have my dolls in my home and a box full of fabric scraps, I have everything I need to just start sewing. So I did. And it was extremely fun. I have already started working on a 1890s doll outfit.
This will show my age (not that it doesn't read in my bio), but my dolls are all mainly My Scenes. I was Team My Scene in the early 2000s Bratz vs. My Scene wars. I did not like the proportions of Bratzes. All my My Scenes are Madison, she was my girl.
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Here's all the items I made. I tried to use as much historical methods as was possible on doll scale and hand-sewed everything. I made a shift, hose, dress, necklace, earrings, partlet and shoes. I did almost make detachable sleeves, but I wasn't happy with them and I will need to remake them. It took me so long to finish one sleeve and I was very frustrated when I wasn't happy with the result, so I will need some time to make a second attempt.
Underlayer
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I have finer white cotton than linen so I used the cotton for the shift and partlet, even though cotton wasn't really used widely at the time, definitely not in underwear, but it worked better in this scale. I didn't have thin enough wool for the hose, so I used fabric from my old thin stockings. Knitted stockings were not quite yet a thing so that's not very accurate, but that's the best I got. I choose red since red hose seemed to have been pretty common based on Venetian paintings, where the hose are shown. I used tiny beads I had lying around as buttons for the sleeves.
I'm not super happy with the neckline. I couldn't come up with a good way to finish gathered neckline on this scale without making it bulky. In future I will try something else.
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Overgarments
Dress
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The dress itself is made from the remaining scraps of the lovely Latvian linen I bought many years ago from Riga and have already made several garments from. The skirt is cartridge pleated, though the pleats at places behave a little weirdly due to the scale. I used semi heavy linen as lining and finished the panels separately as was typical in 16th century. I didn't use any boning equivalent, but I use cording to reinforce the laced opening. I of course sewed tiny lacing holes, which was very fun. The cord for the lacing I plaited from heavy thread.
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Here's couple of examples from 1550s and 1560s Venice I used as basis for the dress.
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Partlet
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A Venetian renaissance woman of course needs her boob window partlet. Unfortunately I didn't have any super sheer linen or silk to make the fashionable sheer look.
Shoes
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The shoes are chopines, which were very fashionable in Venice at the time. They were platform slippers with wooden base, which were covered with leather or fancy fabrics, like brocade or velvet. I didn't make the heels super tall since I was going for more toned down merchant/artisan class sort of vibe, and the very tall were used by upper class women and courtesans. I carved the heels from soft wood and covered them with sateen.
For reference here's couple of 16th century Venetian chopines.
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pinkmoonzzz · 3 months ago
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Hiiii! Would you be winging to do head canons for if the Cullens realized they liked you? What would they do and what would it be like to date them? Thanks in advance Luv! 💜💜💜
Hell yeah! Of course :D
Edward cullen:
• we already know from bella that it takes a while, but when it clicks in his brain, it brings him so much joy and happiness but he also becomes scared as fuck he was not prepared for him to fall for someone
• he tries to stay away from you, but that boy at his core is a romantic
• he takes things extremely slow. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or scare you off, he already hates himself and if he somehow made a mistake and made you uncomfortable he's profusely apologizing and tries to not bash his head into the wall because it will make a dent of his forehead
• also knowing that he has to learn how to keep himself from not, letting his thirst take over he has to keep things slow for himself
• the most gentleman ever, bouquets of flowers, he's opening your car door for you, properly meets your parents, leads you with his hand on your back, hand holding, the works.
• jealous ass mf. He doesn't really like to show it, but when you show you're uncomfortable and turn down a guy's flirting, he is all smiles.
• he loves listening to you talk about your favorite things, the more details the better
• gentle kisses when he takes you back home from a date
• he will take his knowledge of your favorite things and incorporate them into the date,he wants every date to be perfect
• if he can read your mind, he will answer your thoughts
• he will also humiliate you because he can read your thoughts
• "Oh, so you think I look good in this sweatshirt so good that you would -"
• if you think about something you want, it has been order, shipped, and delivered to your house by him
• if you have insomnia, he will stay up talking with you in your bed until you're too tired to form a sentence and fall asleep
• he tries every method to help you go to bed earlier and be able to be well rested
• if you have night terrors, he'll hold you on his arms and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, trying to get your heart rate down to normal
• if you sleep walk, he follows you curiously around unless you try to go outside your home, that's when he steps in and carries you back to bed
Bella swan (human and vampire):
■ this girl is red-faced around you at all times
■ she tries to talk you and then stumble over every single word, embarrassing her even worse
■ shy as hell around you
■ but this girl is bold. You might have to make the first move, but once you do, now she's pushing for more.
■ does not take things slow at all. She wants to jump your bones
■ date to the bookstore where you watch her point out every book she wants to read and then doesn't by a single book
■ you do grab one of the books she wants and buy it for her, and she is so happy and will finish it that night
■ will yap your ear off about books
■ small celebrations with just the two of you
■ vampire bella I think is a different story
■ she definitely is more courageous and might make the first move
■ probably almost bites you because, like I said, she doesn't take things slow, and you try to kiss her, but now she wants to put her tongue in your mouth and overestimated her restistance to your blood and she seperates herself from you very quickly, if she could have a heart attack she would've at that moment
■ she learned from that situation to take things slower because she doesn't want to hurt you more than she wants to kiss you like it's the end of the world
Alice cullen:
○ she already knows she likes you and that you're meant to be together before you even meet
○ if it was socially appropriate to do a back flip when you're excited, she would be the day you meet
○ she's obvious as hell and it's so cute
○ when you guys do start dating, you're like her little doll
○ she is always dressing you up and trying out new styles of makeup on you
○ pet names, she loves them, she will never use your name again just every pet name in the book
○ she's always has to be touching you, whether she's leaning on you, holding your hand, kissing your cheek, she just wants to be touching you at all times
○ the date planner, she loves it so much, and if there is any day she gets to celebrate you, she's doing something big and extravagant
Jasper hale
▪︎ this poor boy doesn't know what to do with himself
▪︎ he is taking every single precaution he can and is asking advice from his family
▪︎ you're probably gonna have to make the first move with him
▪︎ when he feels your joy when you see him and are with him, it's makes him so happy
▪︎ when he feels that's your emotions have changed from friendship to romance, he almost makes the first move, but won't
▪︎ dating him is different, though, once he gets comfortable, he'll take the lead on things
▪︎ likes country music and will show you his country music if you ask him to. Will yap about the south
▪︎ teaches you how to ride a horse if you don't already know how to
▪︎ he loves connecting with his southern roots and will be so happy if you take an interest in them
▪︎ will happily do any date he's just happy he's with you
Emmett cullen:
● he lays the flirting on thick
● always, always complimenting you
● "Show me the outfit," he says while twirling you around
● he's your biggest supporter
● loves pranking you and playing games with you
● always carrying you, and he's a hugger
● love language is touch
● date night in, orders pizza for you to each while watching a comedy movie
● would do an escape room with you
Rosalie hale:
□ deep denial.
□ acts like she hates you, but you chip away at her hatred and fear and she eventually gives in
□ you are always passenger princess with her
□ being able to show you and her car off at the same time is a huge win for her
□ she likes doing your hair, and if you're lying next to each other's, she'll just brush her fingers through your hair
□ does not know how to verbally show her affection and shows it all through action
□ she is jealous like Edward, but she will interrupt the person who's trying to hit on you and will verbally rip into them
□ parallel play. Maybe she's fixing her car while you're reading next to her in a chair
□ if she could dream, she'd dream about living the American dream with you, picket house fence, dropping the kids off at school the whole thing ☹️
Carlisle cullen:
☆ I think he's just shocked
☆ in his centuries of living I don't think he expected it to happen
☆ he will be friends with you but doesn't try to woo you because he doesn't want you involved with vampires
☆ Alice was the one to convince him to let him pursue you by telling him her visions
☆ at first, he did little things, buy you your favorite drink, and lightly flirt, nothing way to obvious
☆ when you reciprocated, he would lay on the flirting a little more, until he was 99% sure you liked him back and then he asked you out on a date
☆ he loves to spoil you and gets sad when you try not to let him
☆ gift giver, obviously
☆ he wants you to have a comfortable life financially
☆ slips $100 in the pocket of your coat when you aren't looking
☆ he will always set time away from work for you
☆ always making sure you are physically well
☆ he logs your vitamins, and what products you use, everything because he wants you to have a balanced, good quality life
☆ king of advice giving
☆ maybe you want to learn a new language or something, and he will teach you better than anyone will
Esme cullen:
♡ obvious with her feelings and isn't afraid to tell you
♡ making sure you're safe getting back to your home and telling you the best routes and things you should carry and know
♡ cooks for you, she loves to cook for you
♡ maybe you mention wanting to try a new food, and she is on it. She's already looked up a recipe and is in the car driving to the grocery store
♡ loves cuddles
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otterspaceastrology · 2 months ago
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Pick a Card Reading + Moodboard
-What is the Fall Season going to be like with your Future Spouse?
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DISCLAIMER
Readings are for entertainment purposes, so please take with a grain of salt and enjoy!
When I talk about masculine and feminine, I am talking about energy so that can apply to any gender or identity.
When picking a pile, use your intuition, close your eyes, relax and think of the question and then open your eyes and let it be drawn naturally to a pile, repeat as many times as you need to know it’s your pile. Of course you can do it any way you want that’s just my preferred method!
Now on to the Readings!✨
Pile 1
Very Romantic and Worldly
The World, Ace of Cups, The Chariot
Weekend Trips, Drive-in Movie, Coffee Dates, Halloween Desserts
Energetic, Assertive, Popular, Poetic, Altruistic, Creative, Curious, Stoic
Pile one, your future spouse is going to want to take you everywhere! They want to show you all of the fun, adventurous things you can do during the fall season and most likely every season! Not only that, but they are going to be super romantic and affectionate with you so you will always feel extremely loved!
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Pile 2
Super Happy Loving Energy
4 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups, 10 of Pentacles
Restaurant Dates, Dancing in the Kitchen, Coffee Dates, Halloween Movies
Sociable, Stubborn, Leader, Imaginative, Planner, Logical, Explorer, Assertive
Pile 2, OH MY GOSH, when I was reading your cards it was VERY clear that this is an extremely happy and joyous union! I definitely see that you and your future spouse could be homebodies or just love, staying home and cuddling and doing more cozy activities! Definitely a picture perfect type of love!
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Pile 3
Workaholic Who Wants to Spoil You
4 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, 2 of Pentacles
Apple Picking, Flowers and Gifts, Baking Sweets,Halloween Shopping
Reliable, Smart, Punctual, Stubborn, Leader, Imaginative, Planner, Logical
Pile three, Your future spouse is definitely the type to work hard for the bread, but still give you all the love and attention and especially gifts that they can so you never feel unloved! Spoiling you is there ultimate love language they will pay close attention to details about you to make sure every gift is extremely personal and special!
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Thank you so much for reading my pick a card I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did making it!🥰✨
Collages are made by me on Pinterest, but I own none of the photos.
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linkemon · 2 months ago
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Modern AU 1
Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.
Other Genshin Impact headcanons can be found here.
This part contains: Kinich, Mualani and Mavuika.
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Kinich
✧ One day a dog stuck to him. On his collar he only had the name: Ajaw. Kinich didn't have the heart to throw him out into the rain and that was a mistake. Since then he has never left him. He is always barking loudly as if he wanted to add something to every statement. When Kinich has guests, he locks him in a separate room and fights so that he doesn't get out in a few minutes.
✧ Kinich is studying botany. He's really good at it. Students in his class say he'll do anything for money. The question is how much money are you willing to spend to have him write a crappy assignment for you or beat up a mean guy (that's a rumor going around...).
✧ In his free time he likes to play Minecraft. Pixel blocks have no secrets for him. He'd be happy to play with you if you have time.
✧ He also likes very extreme climbing. He has been to every possible mountain. However, Kinich never takes his friends there. He always goes on such trips alone.
✧ He is a huge Spider-Man fan. When he was younger, he could be caught with his mask on, pretending to shoot webs.
✧ He keeps a large collection of plants in his room but as he himself says, he does not pay much attention to them.
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Mualani
✧ Mualani is a surfer. The sea breeze in her hair and the water surrounding her. That's when she feels alive. On the board, she finds both a literal and a life balance. She will very strongly encourage you to try it. There's nothing better than doing what you love with someone close to you.
✧ She believes in trial and error. You'll fall off the big waves many times but once you get the hang of it, you'll never forget her slightly brutal methods. She has a huge amount of enthusiasm. No matter what field you want to start in, she'll always be rooting for you.
✧ No one knows how it happened but one day she met Kachina on the stairwell and they were inseparable ever since. Even though the girl is much younger than her. They are together practically everywhere and everyone thinks they are sisters, even though they are not related by blood.
✧ Mualani works part-time at a beach goods store. She once found used maracas there, bought them and now takes them out at every opportunity to show them off. She rocks every party, dancing with them.
✧ She loves her aunt very much but she is very sickly. Mualani helps her as much as she can in her spare time.
✧ She will never say no to a bonfire by the sea. If you want to please her, all you have to do is organize one.
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Mavuika
✧ Born to be a boss. Owner of a large corporation, which she came to own through her own strength and effort.
✧ A motorcycle enthusiast. She loves to ride through the city streets at night. Her fiery hair seems to light up the darkness around her. Mavuika often spends time this way and you have to like it because she will take you for a ride very often. And without a helmet. All you have to do is hold on to her waist tightly.
✧ She often wears her black outfit, even when there is no obvious reason for it, such as driving. She claims that she looks good in it and it would be a shame to pass up the opportunity to collect a few more compliments. Her most famous flirty technique is to gently slide down her black glasses. 100% effective. Or so she claims.
✧ Mavuika has a whole wall in her room full of trinkets that she got from friends and family. Her loved ones have been dead for quite a while, so she's had a hard time in life. Despite this, she still remembers them and looks at things with a smile. She'll happily tell you about the stories that go with them.
✧ She is very strong. There are rumors that in the evenings she fights with people from local gangs and even the mafia. It is not known how much truth there is in this but it is certain that no one wants to mess with her. She repeats that she does not need protection. She is her own best protection.
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frogchiro · 1 year ago
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Cowboy Casanova
Day 2 entry!! Yay! Today we have our favorite american slasher, Graves! I hope you enjoy reading♡
Warnings: nsfw, mentions of blood, death and a tiny bit of gore but not too much, it's slasher Graves, general pervy, creepy behavior and just kinda toxic and obsessive Graves, stalking
Philip Graves is a particular man. Coming from an extremely rich and privileged background, basically from the beginning he had or would get everything he would ever want. When he wanted his very own horse at 8? His papa got him one from the best breeder. He wanted a fancy pick up truck at 16 to show off to his peers the moment he got his license? His parents gave him the keys with a smile. He wanted to bang a girl when he was in college? Here she was, hopping on his dick an hour later.
But the thing about Philip Graves was that he's a very jealous and possessive man. He might be called a spoiled brat born with a silver spoon in his mouth but he jealously covets and protects what he cherishes; the gifted horse had the best everything it could ever want and it peacefully died of old age, the pick up truck was thoroughly loved and taken care of and is still in his garage used for recreational rides, as for the girlfriend? Well...yeah sure he dumped her like a week after but at least he snatched her right from under some shit-for-brains rugby player.
But as years passed by nothing seemed to excite him anymore, sure he had his fun in many ways, even picked up a new hobby or two, but even the screams and begging of his victims didn't do the trick anymore. Now that he's pushing 40, Philip's mind starts to wander to places he never thought it would; a pretty floral sundress or skirt moving around his home, a sweet smile and soft eyes greeting him when he gets home from wrangling his ranch, the delicious smell of a nutricious, fatty dinner wafting through the kitchen and the pitter patter of tiny feet clumsily running towards him, a flash of a tiny pink dress jumping at him. A family. Something Philip never thought about in his youth but he guesses the 'biological clock' wasn't complete bullshit as he thought. The problem was that no one really interested him, no one made his heart squeeze and his cock stir to make them the candidate for Philip's wife and those certainly weren't the women in town. No, it had to be someone perfect, a perfect wife, mother, partner for life but there was no one...
Well... his problem solved itself quicker than he thought with your arrival in town. A sweet looking young thing, you looked just about 20 and like a frightened doe when he first saw you get out of the bus one evening with just a measly backpack and a suitcase, not nearly enough to be moving in here but later when he did his own research and asked the local sheriff after you he found out you were apparently staying here and Philip would be lying if he said that his cock didn't pulse in his jeans with happiness.
He didn't believe in love at first sight, fuck no, that was some bullshit in those terrible romantic comedies and such, he didn't have time for this but with you? The blonde man knew you would be trouble with your big, doe eyes, soft body and those broad hips he was sure would carry a baby for him, his baby...
He found put that you were renting a room in old Margery's home in exchange for working in her orchard and helping her around her little farm. Pff, if he had it his way, if only you came to him for help, you wouldn't ever have to lift a finger again, just be sweet and nice and cook him dinner buuut well, here you are.
You may ask, how did he find out all these things about you? Well the thing about Philip is that he's very persistent and once he sets his sight on something, he will get it even if he has to resolve to some...unethical methods like stalking although he'd rather call it 'gathering information for good, future use' which leads you now to the present where the blonde man is hiding behind some bushes and trees to look at you getting ready for bed.
He still can't believe his luck, your room is on the upper floor facing the dark orchard where especially at night like now, Philip can go undetected and he takes full advantage of it. He watches you undress from your pretty pastel sundress, your tits and soft tummy on show, not to mention your hips and thighs.
"Ohh you're just asking for it darlin', ain't ya?" Philip growled lowly to himself as he watched you slip into a nightgown, a modest thing but still pretty plus it showed off a lot of your cleavage and Graves licked his lips before biting his lip at the thought of suckling your cute nipples, marking up your tits so that everyone would know that you're his-but what is that? What are you doing, you little songbird?
Philip's train of thoughts was abruptly cut short when he saw you dimming your lights and slipping a hand under your nightgown, the other one slipping off the shoulder strap down and starting to finger at your nipple. From this distance and due to the darkness around he couldn't see well but he saw your brows draw in tight, your pretty lips falling open to gasp as your fingers worked probably on your clit.
"You little fuckin' tease..." came growled from Philip, his teeth gnashing at the display, a sudden weave of possessiveness washing over him. Suddenly he's jealous of everything, even your bed and nightgown that they get to witness your pleasure and not him. Not your future husband and father of your babies, it doesn't matter that you haven't formally met yet, he will make sure you will soon.
For now though he needs to retreat, go back to his huge but lonely and quiet house and jerk off until his cock is red and raw, balls empty and his belly and chest splattered with his sperm that he grumbles should be inside you but he has to make do for now.
Just you wait little love, soon you will be by his side and then no one will even think of coming between you♡
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deesseshesca · 2 months ago
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PAC : What’s the secret message held in my drafts ? (18+)
What’s the secret message held in my drafts ?
For the one’s still holding on into my past self 
Good evening,pretty souls, today we are getting real personal … 
!!DON’T FORGET TO CHECK THE BIG SALE!!
KO-FI
Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 
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Rules and Disclaimer 
I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 
MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 
MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 
Basing myself on the legal age in my country which is 18 
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 PILE 1 
What’s your sexual essence ? 
 3 pentacles (reverse), Hierophant (reverse), Empress (reverse), 8 pentacles (reverse), ‘’ I miss making love to you ! I will do anything to hold you again !’’ 
Check in : Y’all might be infertile or have difficulty conceiving. It could be because of a disease like endometriosis or PCOS. Others may believe you are because y’all been doing the pull out method for at least 3 years now and no kids. Really playing with your luck. Others have been celibate for at least 2 years now. 
Good morning pretty souls, 
 Y’all have a very creative sexual essence. You are down for literally anything. You rarely initiate anything but you are with whatever the vibes are. If your partner is into other people watching then  you are. If they are in BDSM, I guess your butt is perfect for some spanking now. If they are into anal or cum play, all of the sudden you 2. Is not in a way to be completely co-dependent because you get off on pleasing and being almost like a sex doll for the person you love. Emphasis on love, because y’all have an extremely low body count (less than 5), because you only ever really get sexually aroused by the person u be loving on. Y’all are bookworms and academic weapons but slutty all together. Also you communicate when you have sex. You don’t mind asking the person you love to move that way or touch like this or even to suck on that. The same way you like to know everything about your partner. You don’t mind asking them how to personally find a way to evolve pleasure for them. A new lover is making their way to you, Pile 2. What can I say ? You are born the irresistible.
Hey pretty souls, If you want to know how to use this energy to attract your future spouse, find your next lover or amplify your receive energy... you can book a reading on my Ko-fi or DM
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What  ''D'' appointment should you be manifesting ?
PILE 2 
Queen cups (reverse), strength, 5 pentacles, 6 pentacles (reverse), ‘’ I tried to replace you, but it did not work out because I'm madly in love with you & I was fighting it ! I know this is divine !’’, ‘’ I’m not happy in my current situation ! I’m miserable without you !’’ 
First thing that hit me was a sexual fantasy. You dream of having an affair. You are married. You are living the white fence nuclear family dream life. But one random night, you appear in front of your husband's boss, undressing. Looking the fuck good and smelling way too good. Why ? Just because. Like you want to prove yourself you still got it. What I am understanding from this fantasy is that you are NOT ready for commitment. Like you don’t mind the love. But you can ‘t fandom committing. You enjoy being chased and chasing a bit too much. Your reasoning is because: FUCK MAN. I’m hearing: ‘’Since they only see us as a baby machine, I’m only using them as an ATM.’’Ever since they started playing with abortion rights we have been FNF. If 
You ever make it to be a wife, you wish to be like Gloria in Modern Family. Rich, Hot and Kept. You are a real life fantasy. You are out here living  a totally different life, in the morning you present yourself to be the complete opposite of yourself at night. You might be a stripper by night and student by day. Nobody knows. 
M A N I F E S T A T I O N 
You need to manifest a ‘’D’’ appointment where you can leave with no remorse. You are giving soft dom. I’m seeing you entering an apartment with the key. Tights on and lingerie under your coat. Makeup looking good and hair slay. Throwing your keys on the counter and walking toward your sub (where you order him to be). He will spend the whole night pleasuring you while you edge him. Like he is so EAGER to please the fuck out you. You don’t care for anything but his tongue. That excites him, the fact that you don't give a damn about him. Then you stand up and get yourself together. Remind him that if he wants to cum you he has to send a deposit. You walk out in peace. You need someone you is eager for you, while you stay detached. Who will do anything to please you without stressing you, while you get your good good. 
MEN 
You guys fantasize about multiple women being too eager to please you, they dominate you.You want them  to slut you out.  I am sensing a mommy issue. But the way that you are looking for one. The way that you actually want to feel appreciated. You want girls to go crazy for you, because you want to feel enough. So good that you can’t be ignored. 
M A N I F E S T A T I O N 
Is not a manifestation no more, is a work in process. I see walking in the strip club looking sharp. Alone enjoying the view, throw some money on one that's worth sharing your fantasy with. The funny tuning you are not going towards the assertive one. You want the innocent one. Like is a challenge for both of you tonight. Y’all going to the VIP room. She gives a good lap dance and you ask her if she is down with your vision. When  she gives you her consent it is show time. I don’t sense any intercourse. Just mutual masturbation. Let’s not forget the euphoria of the whole situation will make the whole thing 10x better. You leave after giving a FAT tip. I don’t think you ever talk about that encounter. Like a secret between you and her. 
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FUTURE SPOUSE MESSAGE 18+
PILE 3 
Hapiness, Let it go (reverse), Leadership. OV : Grace , trust (reverse) 
‘’ Princess or Princeshë (depending on your ethnicities) 
Take, take, take…everything about me is yours to take. I belong to you. I only exist to worship you. There's not a single thing you can do to me in bed that can turn me off. I’m sorry, I always burst too quickly. Is practically impossible for me not to nut quickly when I see your big milkers. Soft with perky nipples. Don’t get me started when you wear your pretty lingerie. I can spend hours sucking  just like you like it. I love how sensitive that area is for you. Talking about sensitivity, I knew that the pink and bows were just a front. I mean you reveal it pretty quickly. When you started yelling at me for no reason in front of the bar like I was the reason why you could not have fun with your girls. That night was the beginning of good things for us. We match completing down to our soul tribe. The fact that my friends and yours mix so well is a blessing. What's even more awesome is that it does not seem to only be for our sake, they genuinely like to hangout together. Which is great, you know how anti-social I am. I can't make new friends for the  life of me and I can't talk to women either. That's why I am so grateful you yelled at me that night. Dress in a corset and thigh pink skirt and let's not forget the bows. Just like in your bedroom, bows, pink, dolls, makeup, shopping bags. I know we like to joke that if it was not for your roommate, you would feed us pink. But Princess, I love your antics, your bratty attitude is the biggest turn on. How can someone with a high pitched soft voice hold so much space? You stand your own leaving your shoes print on me. I can’t wait to feed your shoe addiction until your last breath.  I lust over your long nails, I lust over your attitude, I lust over your feet.  The best thing about you is that you are a very wet p@ssy. The way it cream easily and in big quantities is something I have never seen. I swear I love it, You thought I would switch up over a tarot reading. Babe I love your CREAMY P@SSY. I love when you take the lead, giving me head than stopping. Just to make sure I am looking at you, The way you ride me always sends me over the edge. The fact that you refuse to let ‘’jr’’ go to sleep after one round is a blessing and curse. . The only way to calm you down is to choke you. I love being the person you lean on when you need it. I love it when you ask me for help, when you run errands because you're tired and the way you are now allowing me to protect you. Your trust in me is MY most precious possession. But do you wanna know the thing that gets me very excited is imagining you in your dream house. That I build, walking around in your robe in morning followed by our big dog.  To get the kids ready for school after giving me head earlier in the morning. Giving you a happy ever after is my ultimate goal. 
Your forever Knight.
A) This is for my black hispanic babe especially. He loves playing with your coils/curls. He loves when you allow him to help you with your wash day. He loves your dark complexion.  I have a personal message for you, you are chosen in your bloodline to break the general curse  around marriage. I feel like your mom was raised by a single mom, and her mom raised by a single mom just like you. But babe if you allow him to help you, i swear he will show you the beauty in marriage and support. 
B) This for my blond Albanian baddie. You are used to seeing your Dad treating you mom like she’s the pearl of this world. Like she’s divine and you question yourself especially with the 50/50 men trend. Don’t worry baby, God knows what you deserve. Let the pressure of society slide on your back, You know what you deserve. And it's coming in a full pack (if you know what I mean) with a pink bow. 
Femdom, Dominatrix, Heels collection, makeup collection, libra venus, pink everything, long stilettos nails, back marks,  is giving me your ways and lets be friends. Cock warming, you are obsessed with his d, choking kink, he's not going nowhere, he loves it there. I am getting the opposite aesthetic, Opposite personality. He is tall, big, does not yell and hates swearing. You are short, curvy, all pink but curse and yell whenever. He comes from a good house but he's extended family is literally the representation of a karmic loop. 
Song : Do a b - Kalii
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kiyomitakada · 1 month ago
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Light Yagami is compliant the entire first day they're handcuffed together.
Almost too compliant. L is not ruling out the possibility he'll strangle L in his sleep, hence why, as he shuts the hotel room door behind them, L silently decides he'll use his Whale Sleeping Method (standing up while shutting down alternate halves of his brain) tonight. Unfortunately he isn't quite as good as a whale is yet, but he presumes he'll at least notice Light's hand wrapped around his neck.
"Ryuzaki," Light says on cue, "why is there only one bed."
"That's because only you'll be sleeping," L says. "I am patenting my Whale Sleeping Method."
"The what — actually, I don't want to know." Light digs one thumb into his temple. "You're going to be watching me while I sleep, aren't you."
"Yes," L confirms.
"Right." Light sighs. "I'm sorry, but if you're expecting anything, you'll be disappo…"
He trails off.
L frowns and glances over. "Light-kun?"
"Ryuzaki," Light says extremely evenly, not looking at him: "what's today's date?"
"July 23rd, 2004," L informs him easily.
"July," Light mutters to himself. "J—fuck."
"What is it?" L asks, even as Light tugs him over to the bed in silence and sits with a thump.
"My father was in prison too," he says abruptly. "He said so."
"Yes." L is becoming a little annoyed, and more than a little intrigued. This version of Light Yagami — because he does seem to be a different version — is off in a million ways. He seems truer, more anchored in reality somehow, and yet the workings of his mind are more opaque than ever.
His fingers, L notices, are trembling.
"When?"
"When what?"
"When did he go into imprisonment?"
"June first," L says, then — noticing Light's lost expression — "The same day as you."
"I have to go," Light says.
"The bathroom is five meters away from you."
"No, I have to go home. Sayu—"
Light stops. He shuts his mouth with a clack.
"Your younger sister?" What does Sayu Yagami have to do with anything? L could count on one hand the number of times Light has brought her up voluntarily. Is she a pawn? An accomplice?
"I need to go home," Light repeats, still not looking at him.
Instead of answering, L taps his nails against the chain between them. It rings metallically. Light drops his face into his hands.
L presses one finger into the corner of his mouth. Light is concerned about: the current date, his father's date of imprisonment, his sister. L flips through files in his head. Sayu Yagami, student, blood type O—
Ah.
"June eighteenth," L says. "Her birthday."
"I was supposed to take her to a concert," Light mumbles.
"Rather noble of you."
Light glares at him. L is almost taken aback by the genuine venom in it; it lasts for half a second before Light blinks and looks away again. "Mom wouldn't let her go. She'd been to one in March already. We were going to sneak out."
L studies him. This eighteen-year-old boy with every bone in his body calculated to align in only the most disarming of poses, now slumped inelegantly on the edge of a hotel bed. L had always wanted to see how Kira killed; had always wanted to see how Light Yagami's face, that confident and smiling mask, would split to reveal the ugly breathtaking truth of his cruelty.
That's the reason for all of this, isn't it? He wants to see Light honest.
And this — is honesty. Just not where L had expected it.
"Your father was allowed communication in his cell," L informs him. "I am sure he wished her a happy birthday on your behalf."
Light's mouth twists. "She thinks I ran off with Misa."
"Yes," L says. "You came up with the cover story yourself."
"There was something wrong with me then," Light mutters, but without any of his usual conviction. "Give me a phone. She deserves to hear from me."
"I can't do that," L lies.
"You can look at the goddamn texts when I send them, okay? Run it through all the detectors you want, I just — want to talk to her."
L allows himself to stare. Light looks back at him, unflinching. His hand twitches at his side, the same way it had when he'd screamed at L in the hospital when he'd accused Sayu Yagami of fitting Light's profile.
Hm. A hypothesis; an experiment. "One text."
"Fine," Light says too-quickly, and L hands him a burner.
[ @deathnotetober day 4: family ]
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chaithetics · 6 months ago
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Hello!!! Hope ur doing well <3
I looooved the way u wrote Matt n I wanted to ask if u could do a nsfw alphabet about him? But I also noticed on ur masterlist u havent written one yet and if u dont want to thats fine :>
Matt Murdock NSFW Alphabet
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Hello lovely Nonnie! Thank you for sending this through, this was a nice, quick and fun piece to do so thanks for sending it through. Happy to do nsfw nbcs, I just never have had a request for one before. It's obviously my first time, so I hope you enjoy! Do let me know what you think! :)
Warnings: 18+ MDNI!!!, smutty smut smut I guess? Not proof or beta read!
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
This man lives for aftercare. Matt Murdock is without a doubt, absolutely obsessed with physical touch and indulging in it after the act as a form of aftercare, no matter the type of sex you just had, oral or penetrative. He’s obsessed with your body and how your skin feels against his and how your skin feels when he runs his fingertips over goosebumps, scars, moles, stretch marks, all of your curves and muscles. He likes to be clean but even if he’s sweaty he still likes to cuddle you, he needs to feel your skin against his, to press his head into your neck to tickle your sensitive skin and to deeply inhale your scent. He’s attentive to any needs you have, he smiles as he listens to your heart steadily beating and relaxing from that high, and he’s extremely affectionate. If you have hair he’ll be playing with it however he knows that you like and if not, he’ll be caressing your face gently as well while you cuddle. 
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
His favourite body part of a partner’s is their mouth/lips. He loves the way that his partner’s mouth feels against his, how soft it is to kiss, the shape of your lips and tracing them with his fingertips, how he can feel your lips move and it affects the rest of your face when you smile and laugh, how your mouth is where your gorgeous laugh comes from, your voice, and also the moans he loves to hear from you. 
His favourite body part of his, is his hands. He loves physical touch and his hands allow him to indulge in that sense by being affectionate and being able to touch your body all over. He can caress you with his hands, feel the goosebumps along your bare skin when you strip down, he can feel how you clench around his digits when he’s inside of you. His hands are the perfect way for him to indulge in you. 
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
He’s a Catholic… He’d use the preferred protection methods of his partners but he has no issue with cum. I don’t know if this is a controversial take, but Matt Murdock is certainly into cumplay… 
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He wants to explore his submissive side more, he likes the slight feeling of dominance with a partner who bites him, he likes his neck being bitten. He either hasn’t tried pegging but really wants to be pegged, or he’s been pegged and really loves it but it takes him a little while to work up to feeling comfortable communicating that. 
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Matt is extremely experienced. He has a playful charm that makes everyone in a five-block radius swoon. As Foggy has pointed out over and over again, he’s an absolute magnet for beautiful people of all shapes, sizes, and colours, and people absolutely fall for his handsome, tortured soul energy that he brings to everything. He certainly didn’t shy away from the attention in college he got for his looks and charm, one of the only ‘sins’ he didn’t feel the need to repent for in his college years. Foggy’s jokes have been longstanding in Matt’s life. He’s an experienced icon, he knows what he likes now and he knows how to please. 
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Matt’s favourite position is positions of cuddle and spooning sex. He loves the intimacy of becoming one and being as physically close to each other as possible, the position is sensual and intimate and he loves being able to press right up against you, your buddies wrap around each other and having his face pressed so closely to you. He can feel everything about you with all of his senses in the most overwhelming and amazing way. 
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Matt is a more serious lover, there’s gentle caresses and words spoken that are filled with love and need. Sometimes, in a slightly more cockier mood he may be a little less serious and have that devilish grin on his face and make a couple of more teasing comments and witty remarks to spice things up while he’s bringing you to release, but generally he’s more serious when you two are together during sex. 
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) 
Matt likes to be well-groomed in general and that applies to all of him including downstairs, he doesn’t necessarily like shaving down there but his preference is that he likes to keep things tidy and trimmed for himself. A view he’d never oppose on others and he’d never criticise or be put off by hair or a lack of.  
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
The intimacy is never lacking with Matt, he’s proud on his lovemaking abilities and he knows he’s an expert of the art of making partners swoon with his big brown eyes and charms. Matt is a passionate, sensual, lover who always makes sure you feels special and checks in on you in the sweetest, most genuine but also hot ways. He knows just how to romance you up and make the foreplay incredible with the goal of giving you as much pleasure as possible. He loves intimacy, there’s lots of affectionate touching, the sex often is in cuddling positions. His body moves in ways to reassure you of how much he yearns and worships you, his words are filled with love and passion during sex. He makes it intimate and filled with love. 
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
He doesn’t jack off very often. He prefers being intimate with others and he’s always had plenty of opportunities for mutual pleasure with others that he’s rarely felt the need to pleasure himself like that. He rarely does, and whenever he has he usually does it in the shower. He tries to focus on the feelings of pleasure and on the sound of the shower water running to drown out the rest of the overwhelming landscape of New York while he chases his high with swift strokes. But he prefers the feeling of someone else’s hands, fortunately, he has you now. And your hands are better than any feeling he could ever give himself. 
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Matt’s delved into and is pretty into bondage. He likes the feeling of the power dynamics, the gain and loss of power and control, how it feels on skin. He doesn’t mind who is who, he’s more than happy to be tied up for you and to surrender that type of control to you. He trusts you and wants to be used to give you as much pleasure as possible. But he’s also more than okay with being the one to tie you up and feel those materials against your skin and wear his signature smirk as he does. 
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Matt isn’t an exhibitionist and he’s not really into public or outdoors sex. He much prefers to keep sex in the privacy of his own home, the world is often overwhelming for him and there’s always a million things going on, in his little private corner that’s home, his partner can be just all his and it’s much easier for him to focus on and enjoy being with his partner. He loves the comfort and intimacy of keeping it in the bedroom, but Matt also loves the intimacy of spooning and cuddle sex on the couch. 
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Matt’s a giver, a pleaser, what gets him going is the mere idea of pleasuring you, he just wants to please you and give you the sweet, sweet, sweet release you deserve. It’s what turns him on and what gets him going, you always need to orgasm first, that’s his goal during intimacy and he tried to create an orgasm gap, one that’s in your favour. 
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He’s into bondage and we know that he has nothing against some light choking, but beyond that, he’s the type of man who still tries to be as good and respectful as possible. He wouldn’t be into more rough and violent sex or the more hardcore side of BDSM, he’d always be too scared to hurt his partners and the idea of inflicting intentional pain like that makes him very uncomfortable. 
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Matt is more than okay with receiving oral but there’s not doubt about it, he significantly prefers giving oral instead of receiving. As we’ve already clarified, he’s a giver. He wants to give you oral as much as you want him to, he’d happily spend his life buried in you, holding onto, gripping and caressing your thighs as he does. He’s obsessed with your taste, the way your body reacts as he’s pleasuring you and how he can sense everything going on with your hormones, pheromones, heartbeat, your breathing and then again as you orgasm. He loves to give oral and he’s absolutely skilled at it, he’s a king of it. He knows just how to use his mouth in the best possible way that makes you feel so good and gets you in your favourite places. 
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
His pace and style is always sensual when he’s with you. He’s done faster paced sex and sex that’s been more rough but he loves slow, sensual lovemaking while he cuddles and buries himself deep into you with a perfect pace that makes it last and is the definition of sensual. 
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) 
He likes to go all out with sex, for everyone involved to get their fair share of orgasms. Matt isn’t the biggest fan of his quickies but in angsty moments, he has been known to have a more angsty, potentially more rougher quickie than his usual slower and sensual lovemaking. It’s still filled with passion though. But he doesn’t do quickies often. 
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Matt’s definitely game to experiment and to communicate about it, listen to ideas with an open-mind and he’s curious in a charming way about things. He’s open to trying new positions, new toys, some different styles and dynamics. But he’s not into risks or experimentation that’s on the more moderate to extreme side of the spectrum. He’s not an exhibitionist type so he wouldn’t take those kind of risks with sexual activity and he wouldn’t be into risks in the world of bodily harm for example. 
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Matt lives off giving pleasure in the bedroom and is more than content with just going one round or having one orgasm if you’ve received everything you wanted and needed. He’s flexible and happy to please. But it also goes without saying that this man is the definition of sexual stamina, he can easily go multiple rounds and has no issue with lasting long. His rounds definitely aren’t short. He’s only interested in multiple rounds though if it’s what you crave. 
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Matt never owned toys and didn’t use them on himself, over time he started to experiment with toys and would happily use them on partners and had nothing against them really. He’d always smile while holding one in his hands, feeling it as a partner told him what it did and how it was used. This man has no security issues with toys, and views them as aids and fun, not competition.
 After dating you, there’s a drawer in the dresser that has a few different toys which he has no issue with. He’s definitely more experienced with them now, having tried things like vibrating strokers but he much prefers using toys on his partner. There’s an immediate smirk on his face as he turns them on, starts using them and hears your sweet noises and feels your body react. 
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He’s a pleaser and a giver, he’s not really into edging because he just wants to give you pleasure, as much of it as he can, as soon as possible. There are times where he can be a bit playful and tease you, but you don’t even really need to beg for him to stop teasing and give in. He’s just so eager to please and doesn’t want to waste time when he could be loving on your body and making you so happy. 
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Matt’s pretty vocal and he’s not ashamed of that. He lets out a lot of groans as his brow furrows during sex, it’s an automatic response from him, he naturally makes noises, he’s known to whimper when he’s feeling sensitive and overstimulated, he moans but its his groans that are his loudest, most often and sexiest noise. 
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
That he can become a really needy and clingy lover, especially if you’re coming to the end after a day of multiple rounds. He’s always got to have at least one hand of his on you, he smothers you in kisses. He has you laid on the bed and he’s just still lazily going down on you, slowly as if you’re a dessert that he needs to be savoured. You also happen to be the best dessert he’s ever been able to put in his mouth and enjoy. 
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Whatever you rock with! 
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Generally, Matt Murdock has a longing in his bones that his eyes cannot hide and pierces you with a desperate yearning for touch and love, in that type of matter of the word. But his sex drive is moderate and flexible, he gets a lot of pleasure out of giving pleasure so he doesn’t have an issue being with partners with lower or higher sex drives. He’s someone though who would be happy to just give much more often than receive or have penetrative intercourse as well though. 
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
It depends. He’s big on aftercare and physical affection, so he definitely prioritises that and wouldn’t fall asleep immediately as he’d want to spend time cuddling and talking. After a long ‘double-shift’ of his lawyer by day and vigilante by night lifestyle, there would be times after sex where he would cuddle you and after a bit of talk, he’d fall asleep cuddling you and listening to the drum of your heartbeat as it lulls him to sleep. But sometimes he just likes to cuddle and talk to a ridiculous hour in the morning, he’s definitely an insomniac.
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wonderingpanda · 20 days ago
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Tottmnt crushing headcanons? I finished the series and I'm obsessed!!
A Crush
Tottmnt!Turtles x Reader
I don’t have much to say for this other than, enjoy!
Leo
We’ve all seen what Leo is like with a crush
He’s an absolute mess
Leo was head over heels in love from day one
I know it’s extremely cliche but he can’t help it, it’s just how he is
He’ll be doodling you in his sketch book, daydreaming about you, imagining every possibility of what could happen whenever you two hang out
He loves to spend quality time with you and will make an effort to get it whenever he can
Even in class, if he has the chance to sit next to you “coincidentally” he’ll take it
And if you try to work with him on something, omg
Leaning into him to see his laptop, handing him a pencil, even if you just scoot closer to look at a textbook
He’ll be a flustered mess, he can’t handle it
He is paying attention to every physical exchange you two ever have I swear to god
Every moment, every second he will cherish with you
And his brothers tease him
Ruthlessly
An example would be one time in lunch
Leo was getting bullied by his brothers and you happened to walk by at the worst possible time
Ugh, I’m so tired! What did you just have? Math. But aren’t you normally good at math? Yes! But for some reason I was too tired to focus. Too tired or too busy thinking about Y/n Shut up. What about me?
Thankfully for Leo, you heard nothing but your name however it was still a close call
Another thing, he wishes he had the chance to look into your eyes
It might sound a little random but he’d love to just examine them and look at you freely
(Also, he read somewhere that people have a higher chance of falling in love when looking into each other’s eyes so…)
For the most part though, he’s just trying his best to hang out with you while secretly admiring your every being
Maybe one day he’ll tell you how he feels
One day
Raph
Raph doesn’t have a crush, he doesn’t get them
And on you of all people? Please
You bumped into him once, got all rude and snarky and now it seems you’re trying to one-up him in just about everything!
You’re a menace who’s so annoying that he can’t stop thinking about you
Seriously, he thinks about you a lot
Your strength, grades, social status, looks
But it’s not because he finds you attractive
No, he’s just trying to come up with creative ways to insult you
Like those stupid pretty eyes, weak
Or he could mention how you spend too much time on your hair since it looks so perfect everyday
Stupid pretty human
Yeahhhh
This guy is incredibly stubborn in accepting he has a crush
He’s even more stubborn when it comes to acting on said crush after finally accepting that he has one
Every time you talk to him it fills his body with so much energy that he just wants to punch someone
Which is normally what he does, typically one of his brothers
He doesn’t really understand when you try to be nice to him since it’s almost set in his mind that you hate him
Changing your relationship from a (one sided) rivalry to a friendship is just really confusing for him, but he‘s happy about it nonetheless
And while you do spark something in him that makes him inherently more aggressive, your presence can also calm him down
One time he saw you using a method of stress relief and asked about it
That was also the day Raph learned about coping mechanisms
It was an odd conversation to say the least
He’s pretty good at hiding how he feels when it counts so he doesn’t get too flustered around you
But be warned, if you do anything to show of your strength wether it be through flirting or showing off
He will be broken, frozen, prepared to get down on one knee and offer you a ring pop
What can I say, he has a thing for strong people
He can still be a bit on edge when accused of harbouring romantic feelings of any sort
But he’ll admit to it when he’s ready
Just wait
Donnie
Donnie doesn’t want to admit he has a crush
But he soooo has a crush
He’s the type to blush and feel flustered all the time
He’s scared to hold a normal conversation with you because he can’t have one without acting awkward
He notices you any time you’re in his eye view
His main strategy to get to know you is casually bring up common interests in hopes you’ll latch onto a conversation with him
He’ll be particularly excited if he discovers you’re a K-pop stan
And if you even know what AOT stands for, he’s set
He likes to imagine what life would be like if you guys dated
He’ll avoid eye contact but try to look at you
And when his brothers find out well…
They’re going to tease him but he is the designated holder of blackmail so revenge is easy for him to deliver
If he ever has to save you, the poor thing
He’ll be panicking 24/7 trying to make sure you get out alive and unscathed
Even after it’s all over he’ll still be checking you for injuries and hugging you tight for reassurance
You might disappear into thin air, he can’t risk that
Will 100% try to show off in math and science
And robotics? Stand back because he’s about to send all expectations through the roof
Literally, he once almost blew up the roof of a classroom from one of his experiments
Donnie wants to confess and gets closer to doing so each day but for now he’s happy where his is with you
Just two classmates slowly bonding over pop culture and near-death experiences
Fun times
Mikey
Mikey I imagine would come off as extroverted at first but underneath is just a shy little sweetheart
He’s your number 1 fan, going to every concert, show, game, event, whatever you have going on
He doesn’t try to hide it from his brothers too much
Like, if they ask him about you he’ll just start kicking his feet and going into full detail
Loves giving you hugs, hugs are the best
And once you get close enough he’ll even lean on you from time to time
If you ever compliment him, you’ll get one of two responses
The first is that he’ll blush and act extremely bashful, waving it off completely
The second is that he’ll accept it with full grace and go on to bring up every story he has relating to said compliment
He also has a thing for “playful flirting” where he’ll act like it’s all jokes because you’re friends
This is how he gets away with looking at you for a prolonged amount of time, lifting up your chin with his finger (this one is more of a joke as I think we’ve all done it with our friends at least once), carrying you bridal style, hugging you from behind
He’ll call you gorgeous and laugh it off like he was just messing around :l
I will say, out of all the brothers he’s come the closest to confessing
Valentine’s Day, he noticed how you wouldn’t stop talking about wanting to celebrate it
So naturally he made you a card and got all the stereotypical gifts
Chocolate, flowers and even a little plushy he found
Mikey! You got me all this? Thank you! Seriously, this is so sweet, I need to give you something in return Don’t mention it, you deserve it Was there something you were wanting to tell me as well? …
He couldn’t do it, I’m so sorry
He couldn’t tell if you were joking or not
Besides, what was he meant to say? You’re really pretty Y/n, and funny and sweet and I‘m madly in love with you.
Oh wait
I hope you liked reading this. Have an awesome day/night wherever you are!✨
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sorcerersandskillusers · 7 months ago
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How do you think Atshi and Dazai's relationship compare to their relationship in beast, i feel like its a topic thats been left behind when talking abt beast
Ooo this is an interesting one.
The relationship between Dazai and Atsushi in BEAST is really interesting already, I love how Asagiri didn't just make it a carbon copy of Dazai and Akutagawa in the main timeline, instead its completely unique but equally fucked up. But comparing it to the main timeline I think it is the best example of just how far BEAST Dazai is willing to go in order to ensure Oda's happiness in that universe, even at the cost of tormenting someone main Dazai really cares about.
First lets look at Dazai and Atsushi's relationship in the main series.
Atsushi has absolute loyalty, love and respect for Dazai in the main series, Dazai was the first person who ever affirmed Atsushi's right to live and might be the first person to ever offer him kindness. Dazai also works as Atsushi's motivation to save Kyouka, he thinks of how Dazai chose to save him even though he would be a massive burden to the ADA, and this gives him the conviction to save Kyouka despite her past.
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Dazai is the person who Atsushi always thinks of when he's in a terrible situation, he's who Atsushi wants to run too when he thinks he can't win a fight, in other words he makes Atsushi feel safe something he probably almost never felt in the orphanage where he was abused for anything he did.
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(from 55 mintues)
These two pages capture this perfectly
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And eventually Atsushi is able to replace visions of the orphanage director (who appeared when he was at his lowest and made him feel like he had no right to live) with Dazai giving him encouragement and the focus to keep going.
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On Dazai's end:
I think Atsushi is probably the person who sees Dazai's true suffering better than anyone else alive in the series, even including characters like Chuuya and Ango. Atsushi (very similar to Oda) will often cut through Dazai's jokes and see through to what he is really thinking.
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Atsushi is also one of very few characters to openly be kind to Dazai, off the top of my head it's only him and Oda who ever really say nice things about him to his face.
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(notice both times Dazai is surprised by this)
Atsushi is even able to pick up a hint of Dazai's past when Dazai talks about mimic in 55 minutes.
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So suffice to say, in the main series Dazai and Atsushi are extremely close, both being essentail to the others growth and a person throughout the series, I could probably go on for pages about this but for now let's talk about how BEAST twists this relationship into one of the darkest in the series.
BEAST Atsushi suffers more than almost anyone else thanks to Dazai's plan. Since he can't use Fukuzawa's ability to control Atsushi's ability, he makes Atsushi wear a spiked collar that stabs him in the neck while transformed and uses the pain of that to help Atsushi remain in control of the tiger.
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Not to mention that BEAST Atsushi, just like regular Atsushi hates being hurt and hurting others, he is constantly terrified on every mission he is sent on and hates the pain he has to go through each time.
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So why is he so loyal to Dazai? Unlike Akutagawa Dazai didn't physically abuse Atsushi until he became dogmatically loyal, he didn't need too, all he had to do was twist the suffering caused by the orphanage director in Atsushi's mind and make it work in his favour.
Trigger warning: Psychological abuse!
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This was Dazai's method, give Atsushi an order he knew he would disobey and set things up so it would lead to Atsushi undergoing unimaginable pain and suffering beyond anything Dazai could inflict himself. Dazai twisted that pain in Atsushi's mind into
"This is what it feels like to disobey me"
And since then, Atsushi has been completely incapable of not following Dazai's orders.
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Another important factor is that Dazai himself is very friendly with Atsushi, letting him call him "Dazai-san" instead of boss and giving him praise for his work. This just further cements in Atsushi's mind that Dazai is the kind, generous person who tried to help him, which makes him even more loyal to Dazai.
There's a lot more I could go over, but I don't have time right now. Overall I think BEAST really shows just how far Dazai is willing to go to achieve what he wants, the way he treats BEAST Atsushi is incredibly cruel, and then leaving him alone in a world where his only purpose was fulfilling Dazai's orders is another level of cruelty.
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