#ESPECIALLY if you're an adult on the internet

[swornmae]

what the fuck is this, exile arc?

oh this is fucking CONCERNING concerning ok

[sharky-the-idiot]

"Stay mad, cope and seethe because I am BASED!!" I'm just laughing at you dude why is your entire internet persona dedicated to making people hate you

[aroceu]

i love having my online friends but now that i'm nearly in my 30s and still navigating this space i'm like. wow some of you will say literally anything to a total and complete stranger on the internet huh

[discodeerdiary]

There's a good reason why I try not to argue publicly with anyone under 18, and it's not that I think they're inherently stupid, it's not that I think their brains are "underdeveloped", it's not that I think they can "do no wrong", it's that I never know how much freedom they actually have to think freely, or how many of their opinions are actually their own. Of course, under-18s *can be* capable of thinking for themselves and developing their own opinions, but (here in the US at least) law and culture put a lot of roadblocks on their ability to do so.

Of course parents and teachers cannot actually control the inner thoughts of the children they wield power over, but they can restrict the information that they have access to, can punish them for saying the wrong things, can cut them off from healthy diverse social groups, and can convince the child their thoughts are being monitored through religion, psychology, and other appeals to higher authority.

Thus if a random teenager says some headass shit in my mentions I have no way of knowing if these are opinions they arrived at on their own, or if they are dogmas forced on them by the people holding food and shelter over their head. If it's the latter, there's nothing to be gained from a public confrontation: people are generally unwilling to change their opinions in a direction that threatens their social support system, and they are especially unwilling to do so at the behest of an internet stranger who cannot offer alternative forms of support. If a teen is genuinely curious about my opinion (that is *if they consent* to a discussion of disagreements) and if I have the mental bandwidth for a potentially emotionally loaded conversation, yeah I'll have it, but I'm not gonna maintain any illusions about my ability to change their mind until they can find a way to live independently.

This is also why my leniency toward the not-yet-adult tends to also extend to the recently-adult. Coming up with a system of beliefs that you're actually willing to stand behind? Shit takes time, and I'm not necessarily gonna expect it of a 20-year-old who may, for all I know, have been living under conditions of near-absolute control up until their 18th birthday. Sure they may be opening their mind in college, or college may be their parents way of keeping them too occupied with busywork to develop new opinions, as they continue to hold financial support over their head. It's around their mid-twenties that I'm willing to go full gloves-off antagonistic with strangers, knowing that they've had a few years of legal and social adulthood under their belt, and that even if they're still financially dependent on their parents it's a different sort of dependence, one where they're given default legal permission to run away from home.

A lot of people are deeply uncomfortable with this line of thinking because if you look too far into the factors that influence young people's thoughts, you eventually have to start asking yourself which forces of dependency are influencing your own beliefs and opinions. Yeah, as an independent adult you may have the option to quit your job, divorce your spouse, ditch your friends, move to another country, but realistically how many of these can you accomplish at the same time? How many do you even want to? And how are all of these forces *in aggregate* setting the acceptable limits of what you're allowed to think and feel? It can be upsetting to think of yourself this way, it can be easier to think of yourself as a true free thinker and children as mindless automatons, but I urge you to think of mentally coercive environments as a continuum rather than a binary. The point is not to free yourself from all influence, but to gain the ability to see yourself as an influenced mind, and to have compassion for those dealing with all the bullshit you don't have to anymore.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Natalia III

Hardersson x Daughter!Reader

Natalia Guijarro (OC) x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adeventures Universe

Summary: Talia reflects on your relationship

The first time Talia ever saw you, was on tv.

She was hunkered down in Patri's apartment avoiding going home to her parents because she knew that they would make her clean her room. A random Swedish league match was playing and she'd looked up from her phone to see you make a daring save that kept your team in the title race.

The commentator called you 'Linköping's young talent' and Talia had searched you up on the internet. She also briefly stalked your socials but came to the conclusion that you didn't really post much.

She didn't know what it was about you but you kept her interest. You seemed sweet enough in interviews, if a little nervous, and you looked especially sweet when your first stop after a match ended was to your parents.

Then, she met you on the youth teams.

It had been a while since Denmark and Spain had played against each other, longer than either of you had been on the teams.

Talia was excited to put your skills to the test and, maybe, to impress you with her skills too.

You were nervous when she approached you at the end of the match, oblivious to her flirting and teasing and to the way her eyes glanced down at your lips when you spoke and the way that she wouldn't stop touching you in ways that weren't friendly at all.

But, still, she had gotten your number and you had taken her out on a date that you didn't know was a date.

It was perfect, even if your parents were hunkered down at the back and very clearly trying to eavesdrop.

Youth teams don't guarantee a professional career though and Talia hopes that you and her will be the ones that make it despite the odds. She knows she's good. She's a great striker and she knows you're good too. You're a great keeper.

She just knew you'd both make it professional.

Talia signs for Barcelona's first team and you leave Linköping and Sweden for Arsenal and England.

Soon, you're abandoning Talia in the youth teams to take your rightful place in Sweden's senior team.

It's easier to get a hold of senior team matches so Talia has a much easier time watching you. You hold your own against the adults and, while you don't play as often as the other keepers, you still thrive and Talia's desperate to solidify her spot in the senior team to face you again.

You win things at Arsenal and Talia wins things at Barcelona.

She's not yet broken into the Spain senior team. Their front line is packed with talent and Natalia has yet to prove herself better than any of them.

The World Cup comes and goes and she's still in Spain, training her skills as you win the greatest football tournament in the world by your own two feet.

Then, you join Barcelona and Talia can't help herself.

The playful flirting she used to engage in goes into overdrive. You're oblivious though and it's just part of your charm.

It drives her crazy in the best way possible until that night in the club is the spark that ignites your relationship.

Now, though, you're in her bed.

She can hold you at night and play with you during the day and take Prins out for a walk with you in the evening.

You're in her bed and you're in her life as her girlfriend.

She's been to visits to Sweden with you and had long talks with your mothers. Your relationship was strong and stable and survived the year you went to France and all those times that Sweden had crushed Spain on the international level.

Sweden is going through a golden age of players and it's intimidating.

But you're at the helm, the one leading all of those talented youngsters, the one that opened the coach's eyes to what happens when young talent is brought into the squad as soon as possible.

You groan. "Talia?" Your eyes flutter open. "Are those my parents making all that noise?"

She had been ignoring that.

Your mothers were visiting and it sounded like they were rummaging through the kitchen if the banging of pots and pans were anything to go off.

"Yes," She says with a wince," I think so."

You groan, turning over and burying your face in Talia's chest. "Can we just ignore-"

There's a long string of swear words as a loud clatter of pans falling echoes around the house. Prins joins in and barks up a storm.

"Nevermind," You say," I'm up."

Your kitchen is a mess.

"Nothing is where it should be!" Magda's complaining as Pernille gingerly tries to put things back.

"This isn't your house," You say with a teasing huff," We organise things a different way."

"Your Morsa was trying to make breakfast," Pernille says," She's forgotten that breakfast was never her speciality."

"We can go and grab breakfast." Talia comes out of the bedroom, fully dressed and pulling her hair back. "I've already ordered something."

The way she's said it makes you frown and you miss the way Magda and Pernille's eyes light up in delight at what she says.

"I'll come." What's even weirder is Magda is the one that offers. Morsa is still in that phase where she's pretending to hate absolutely everything about Talia, at least to her face so it's strange that she's having some one-on-one time with your girlfriend.

"Oh," You say with a frown," Give me a second. I'll put on my-"

"No," Pernille cuts you off quickly," Let those two get it. We can tidy up this kitchen."

"Oh...er...okay. I guess?"

Talia loves that you're oblivious. She's been dropping hints all week and the week before. She'd asked you specific questions and said very specific things but you're none the wiser about her true intentions.

To you, it just seems like Talia's picked up a sudden interest in rings.

[metalheadsagainstfascism]

That's it. I'm kink shaming.

Not Luigi or his partners. What two consenting adults do behind closed doors is none of my business.

But all of the media perverts (and whomever leaked this) that is psycho-analysing what a dude did in his free time. "Oh, he has weird sex tapes of himself fucking. He wanted to be watched!"

Idk. Finding out about a person's private life (without his consent) then trying to use it to assume his kinks (without his consent) is weird as fuck.

Especially because I still don't believe this guy did it. This is just a random ass dude with a broad eyebrow that the police is framing and the media is rubbing their hands together like "that dirty bastard". No, put your dicks away. Even if he did murder the billionaire, it's weird as shit. He didn't consent to his sex life being invaded like this.

And the media is like "none of the girls have come forward probably because they don't want to be associated with this controversial case" PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEIR PRIVATE SEX LIVES ALL OVER THE INTERNET AND THAT'S FUCKING WEIRD.

-fae

[domesticatedfemcel]

safety and awareness post:

fellow minors in proship and propara spaces, please be careful. here's some pieces of advice to preserve your safety:

- do not interact with pro contact or "complex contact" MAPs. they will try to justify their stance, but it's all bs. minors can't consent, and that includes you.

- [this point was misinformed and biased against non-contact MAPs. i'm leaving this as a bullet point so it's known what the original issue with this post was]

- do not label yourself as an "AAM", it's completely normal to be attracted to adults as a minor and it's not a form of paraphilia, using that term only attracts MAPs who are looking for someone to take advantage of.

- do not post in detail about your paraphilias. you are inviting creeps to interact with and take advantage of you. keep it to yourself.

- to continue that, don't post any sexually explicit content, whether it be text posts or art. suggestive is one thing, but explicit is never appropriate.

- don't interact with adults posting explicit content either. if a blog says for minors to not interact, don't interact. if it says you can interact but to block nsft tags, block the tags.

- to continue, any adult who knowingly allows minors to interact with their explicit content needs to be avoided like the plague. chances are they have generally fucked up views about minors and their ability to consent.

- never post pictures of yourself. just don't. as accepting as the proship community is, it doesn't change the fact that predators are everywhere, and there can be people using the community to take advantage of others. if you want to post selfies, wait until you're 18.

- similarly, please just keep basic internet safety in mind. you do not know the random people you interact with on tumblr. don't give them your personal information. this can especially be important when in the proship community due to the amount of harassment you may face. don't make it easy for someone to find you.

--

all and all, keep yourself safe. being proship is about being anti harassment, and that includes protecting yourself from sexual harassment.

[endereies]

I hate coming on this app to talk about insistent drama that follows each week, but here we are again. I don't just wanna talk about the most recent events in this message, but about everything that's happened this year especially.

Tumblr is our space to write fanfiction about three 21-year-old boys from Boston. That's it. I'm not sure what happened along the way, but we have had stalkers, pedophiles, death threats, slurs, and more. I'm also not sure where half this app got the audacity to act like that.

I come back from being inactive to see slurs thrown in a meme post with an appalling reply with another meme at the bottom. That just screams insincere to me, and it's offensive. The slurs were thrown in conversations where it didn't need a place. If you are allowed to say it, then fine. But that language, even if allowed, shouldn't have that much accessibility to an average conversation. To then publicly post that, not knowing the impact it may have on people is disgusting to me. I'm sure languages have enough words for you to use. It's literally the reason we are writers.

To then see messages complaining about the triplets, especially their appearances, also seems rude. They won't see those messages on your group chat and I hope they never do, because it's disrespectful. Calling them names based on how they look goes against all you write for, all you stand for. I can't begin to see reasons why you have a triplet group chat, just to make fun of them.

The only messages I have seen of this gc are the ones that are posted on @thetripouts , but I've hated each one I've seen. I've had no reason to click on them, I am not in the gc. Why would I click on messages that have no context or meaning. But seeing the odd message or so has given me a clear insight into this chat. And I want nothing to do with it. The language is belittling to other members, outside members, and the triplets themselves.

Why do we keep giving it a place to manifest. We don't need any bullshit or drama on this site. We never have. This negativity has caused many people to deactivate or become inactive. Seeing honest and wholesome creators become overwhelmed by the sight of the drama - let alone be involved in it - is upsetting to see.

I've seen people leave due to death threats, I've seen talk of death tossed around in casual conversation, disturbing some people. I, myself, have been affected by pedophilia and grooming. It's a horrible thing to be a part of and has no place on this app. No one deserves to be treated that way. Whether you intend it to be a joke or not doesn't mean you can dismiss people's feelings for the sake of humour.

We need to do better as a community, suck up your shitty messages and ideas when you're aware it causes nothing but problems. If you're unaware or uneducated, please reflect, educate and apologise. It's simple steps I'm sure a toddler could follow.

I'm sure half the people making drama know better, and are adult enough to make decisions that won't hurt another person. Yet it seems people don't think before they post. The Internet is a free place to say what you think, but respect is and always will have a place in conversation. Don't be an asshole.

I say this more times than I can count but let's just go back to writing our fanfiction, because it should never be this serious🤷‍♀️

[ventbloglite]

So someone asked on a post lately why 'tboy' was a negative listed amongst slurs and that's a good point, why was it?

The simple answer is 'some people use it as a pejorative, so it needs to be included because they keep getting away with it just because it's 'not a slur' and can be used completely innocently'. But the real answer is a bit more nuanced.

People choose certain words for certain reasons. It's rarely, if ever, a coincidence. Even if they've picked it up from someone else or internet culture etc, the language was chosen for a reason at some point and continues to portray that meaning.

Although not always, 'boy' and 'girl' are used to refer to children, whereas 'man' and 'woman' are used to refer to adults. If the 'child' terms are applied to grown adult people, and the 'adult' terms are applied to people under 18, there is a shift in meaning. An attempt to either soften and infantilise, or to mature and harshen.

We can see this in action in a variety of situations, both antitransmasculine ones and misogynistic ones.

Grown men who commit crimes and get called 'boys' (feel sorry for him he's just a boy), but grown women rarely get called 'girls' in the same situation (she's an adult treat her as an adult). However, a startling number of under 18 year old girls get refered to as women where the intention is to mature her and make something or other seem more acceptable than it is.

'Men' as an address of respect. 'Girls' as the opposite. "You're a man, stop acting like a girl." but they don't mean child they mean a grown up women whom they are refering to with infantilising terms, adding an extra sting to the misogyny and toxic masculinity.

The same is applied to antitransmasculinity.

It's 'tboys' (regardless of age, the term '50 year old tboy' for example) but 'trans women' when the aim is to talk down to trans masculine people.

It's 'tgirls' when you want to soften the sentiment of something you're saying 'tgirls when we all forcefemme you' that is actually questionable or straight up negative.

It's 'trans men' and 'tgirls' when you want to harshen the actions of the former 'against' or in conjuction to the latter. 'Trans men when they steal things from tgirls'.

It's not unique to any one group in the slightest, but in the interest of full media literacy, do try and pick up when 'girl/boy' is being used and when 'women/men' are being used, especially if not matched up to each other (girl/man , women/boy).

Addendum: Of course, 'tboy' and 'tgirl' can be used by grown adult trans people about themselves or others and not be negative in the slightest, context is key.

[fluff-n-cookies]

Hello :)

Could you please do and platonic Aizawa x daughter reader?

His daughter is in her teen years so she is being like really rebel and all that so they fought a lot, but one day she just breaksdown during one fight and starts crying and apologizing for being a shitty daughter?

I have been avoiding this for so long, and it's all because I have no idea how aizawa would handle something like this. because it goes against everything that Aizawa would try and teach his kid so this may be a little forcefully written, apologies.

TW : unhealthy parenting, mental illness, some suicidal thoughts, probably angsty shit, I dunno, read at your own risk.

We can start this by walking through how this may start in the first place. I think the best place to start is that reader's mom left her and Aizawa when she was very young, and Aizawa, assuming here he didn't understand how to properly tell her why her mother left her, never tells her why.

Now reader is very young so she might blame one of two things.

herself

her father

While both instances would technically work, I think the more favorable option is she blames herself since a young child would probably never blame an adult they look up to and hold dear as the problem.

Up to this point her father has been really kind to her so the only other variable is her, this spirals into social anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. all of which don't help when you have an absent mother and a neglectful father who is both a teacher and a full time hero, which leaves little to no room for children.

(this is also why I think it isn't realistic for Aizawa to keep Eri or a child without another non-hero caretaker. Fight me, I dare you.)

As time goes on, and this child becomes a teenager, she might not know how to properly express her feeling and after being misguided by factors like the internet, other adults, and "friends" she might take out the feeling of being abandoned on her closest caretaker and another source of her problems; Aizawa.

if you purposely yell at him or start arguments it's not going to be very fun because Aizawa has this complex where if his students or other heros represent incompetence or arrogance he expels them or ignores him rather than explaining it to them and helping them improve, this is especially with students.

and since he lacks a true connection with you as his daughter mainly because of his job(s) and past with Oboro which he is still trying to heal from keeping him from bonding with you, he'll treat you as a student like the rest of the teenagers he knows. and even then, you may actually be treated worse than his students because while he interacts with them daily, he interacts with maybe 1 hour every other day.

so from all that he simply ignores you, just stops interacting with you entirely, he's too tired for your bullshit. this action makes the wedge between you two even worse.

if you keep persisting though he will yell back but it's often really short and really loud. something like "SHUT UP" a cold "I don't care." before slamming the door in your face. He knows it's probably not right to do that to your daughter but let's face it. you're just this annoying teenager he legally has to live with if he doesn't want to lose his hero and teaching license.

this is where things actually get very interesting, because let's assume he stops approaching you entirely, you just live in the same house nothing more than that, and while you may act like you hate your father for ruining your family and neglecting you all your life on the outside, remember, you're still that little kid in second grade that blames yourself for your mother leaving and your father not caring for you.

so let's say you realize this and go back to blaming yourself for everything like you did when you where a kid but since your father stopped talking to you entirely explaining your faults to him maybe difficult.

this where my personal experiences come in, I've actually had this happen to me in my own life, and I truely hope that you'll enjoy it. thank you.

---------

why is it that the voices are the loudest in the dead of night?

the moon is gone, the birds are silent, there isn't a single light that shines on your tear streaked face, puffly, swollen, sad, just sad.

years of confusion, neglect, a lack of love in it's purest form.

all because of you.

it's all because of you.

it's sings so prettily, like it's a church choir spreading the word of the lord like it's common knowledge.

it's common knowledge that you are a terrible person!

it cackles.

the urge to strangle yourself to finally feel some relief has never been stronger.

lie awake in the dead of night, in pitch darkness, a proper scenery to match ones broken and cracked soul, be careful, you might hurt yourself, again.

however, one cannot weep in their wallows forever.

the night has to make way for the morning sun.

and a relaxed self pity has to make way to dread.

dread.

dread of him, he who you blame for everything, everything you know is your fault.

it's all your fault.

a click at the door,

the creak of the old wood and the hinges never oiled.

mild thumping footsteps that wander around the apartment that can barely hold your overflowing buckets of tears.

you can mumble out all your pleas.

pleas that this is all a terrible nightmare and your real life is actually one with a kind and loving mother and a supportive and encouraging father.

mumble out the little lies that you made up all these years to make yourself feel worse and other better.

"it's pointless to keep trying."

"I wish I wasn't here."

"why can't I just be happy?"

"it's all my fault,

it's all my fault,

it's all my fault."

the thin walls don't do those in mourning justice though.

for the wind is calm, the branches don't dare to move, the owls, the bats, the sleeping heros in training downstairs don't make a peep.

for the only ones alive, awake, aware, is a man beaten down and broken by society serving as it's protector, ignoring the one in most need of protection all this time. With him is a girl. a girl that's scared, scared of her mirror image that haunts her, a girl who's cried an ocean, screamed a thousand wails of pain, a girl lost in her own heart,

"No wonder no one loves you."

you lie again.

but keen ears trained from years of work with villains hears you, for the first time, he hears you.

not the rebellious teen he's seen yell out strings of pure hatred and fiery insults like he's her own worst enemy.

it's the girl who he saw waiting on the steps to their apartment all those years ago. waiting for her mama to come back home with the promise of cupcakes.

it's the girl who never smiled for the remainder of elementary school.

it's the girl who's heart withered way that autumn evening.

he heard the softest little voice in the dead of night. he heard his daughter cry

"No wonder no one loves you."

.

.

.

"But I love you."

for that whole night, for that whole night.

the peace was disturbed.

for that whole night, it seemed that the moon shone once again.

it may not be the sun. but it'll do for now.

Aizawa walked away shortly after that.

leaving a little girls and her mirror image to ponder.

ponder.

---------

Afterwards I don't think he'd talk about it too much, he's proabably approach you after breakfast the next morning and tell you "you can talk to him about it if you want." but not much more than that

he definitely would change his practices though. like getting you a therapist, taking the weekends off in favor of being around the house more.

he'll let you get used to his presence first like one would with a cat, and one day. maybe years later, or tomorrow, you'll talk to him.

you'll tell him you love him too.

and maybe.

just maybe.

the world will stop,

and everything will be okay.

[dreamdolldeveloper]

back to basics

mostly free resources to help you learn the basics that i've gathered for myself so far that i think are cool

everyday

gcfglobal - about the internet, online safety and for kids, life skills like applying for jobs, career planning, resume writing, online learning, today's skills like 3d printing, photoshop, smartphone basics, microsoft office apps, and mac friendly. they have core skills like reading, math, science, language learning - some topics are sparse so hopefully they keep adding things on. great site to start off on learning.

handsonbanking - learn about finances. after highschool, credit, banking, investing, money management, debt, goal setting, loans, cars, small businesses, military, insurance, retirement, etc.

bbc - learning for all ages. primary to adult. arts, history, science, math, reading, english, french, all the way to functional and vocational skills for adults as well, great site!

education.ket - workplace essential skills

general education

mathsgenie - GCSE revision, grade 1-9, math stages 1-14, provides more resources! completely free.

khan academy - pre-k to college, life skills, test prep (sats, mcat, etc), get ready courses, AP, partner courses like NASA, etc. so much more!

aleks - k-12 + higher ed learning program. adapts to each student.

biology4kids - learn biology

cosmos4kids - learn astronomy basics

chem4kids - learn chemistry

physics4kids - learn physics

numbernut - math basics (arithmetic, fractions and decimals, roots and exponents, prealgebra)

education.ket - primary to adult. includes highschool equivalent test prep, the core skills. they have a free resource library and they sell workbooks. they have one on work-life essentials (high demand career sectors + soft skills)

youtube channels

the organic chemistry tutor

khanacademy

crashcourse

tabletclassmath

2minmaths

kevinmathscience

professor leonard

greenemath

mathantics

3blue1brown

literacy

readworks - reading comprehension, build background knowledge, grow your vocabulary, strengthen strategic reading

chompchomp - grammar knowledge

tutors

not the "free resource" part of this post but sometimes we forget we can be tutored especially as an adult. just because we don't have formal education does not mean we can't get 1:1 teaching! please do you research and don't be afraid to try out different tutors. and remember you're not dumb just because someone's teaching style doesn't match up with your learning style.

cambridge coaching - medical school, mba and business, law school, graduate, college academics, high school and college process, middle school and high school admissions

preply - language tutoring. affordable!

revolutionprep - math, science, english, history, computer science (ap, html/css, java, python c++), foreign languages (german, korean, french, italian, spanish, japanese, chinese, esl)

varsity tutors - k-5 subjects, ap, test prep, languages, math, science & engineering, coding, homeschool, college essays, essay editing, etc

chegg - biology, business, engineering/computer science, math, homework help, textbook support, rent and buying books

learn to be - k-12 subjects

for languages

lingq - app. created by steve kaufmann, a polygot (fluent in 20+ languages) an amazing language learning platform that compiles content in 20+ languages like podcasts, graded readers, story times, vlogs, radio, books, the feature to put in your own books! immersion, comprehensible input.

flexiclasses - option to study abroad, resources to learn, mandarin, cantonese, japanese, vietnamese, korean, italian, russian, taiwanese hokkien, shanghainese.

fluentin3months - bootcamp, consultation available, languages: spanish, french, korean, german, chinese, japanese, russian, italian.

fluenz - spanish immersion both online and in person - intensive.

pimsleur - not tutoring** online learning using apps and their method. up to 50 languages, free trial available.

incase time has passed since i last posted this, check on the original post (not the reblogs) to see if i updated link or added new resources. i think i want to add laguage resources at some point too but until then, happy learning!!

[olderthannetfic]

Actual hot take re: Pride flags - we don't need them. They're stupid. The entire point of the LGBT+ rights movement was to be seen as normal. We don't need a thousand flags and labels to try and proclaim ourselves abnormal. We didn't get our rights through being freaks, we did it by getting our shit together. Just be normal. Put down the rainbow flags and the three stripe flags and the flags with half a dozen stripes, log off the internet, and just do normal shit for one singular day. Then you'll realize how stupid this whole thing is. You don't need to run around proclaiming with shirts and flags and shit what your sexuality is. This shit makes the cishets laugh at us and it's embarrassing, especially in people who are adults. I am begging you, people, please grow up.

--

To be seen as normal?

Was it, anon?

If you're older than about 12, you should be aware that this is a major point of contention in queer activism.

In fact, throwing your non-marrying, non-reproducing, non-assimilating peers under the bus is not the acme of activism you seem to think it is. All activist movements, whether queer or feminist or ethnic, have to face this dilemma:

How much of ourselves do we carve off in the pursuit of mainstream acceptance?

--

The only person who doesn't know this is a child.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Okay so apologies if this is outside of your wheelhouse, totally fair. And, on one hand, I know ultimately it's up to me not like someone on the internet with limited context, but I also got into sort of an argument with a friend and I'm very confused and I'd like some input on like. I guess just more opinions on this?

Basically I'm a virgin, and not currently interested in any sort of long term relationship, or even anything serious short term. I mentioned to a friend that I'd decided to give up on the whole dating thing (which I was mostly trying out of...obligation I guess? Feeling like I can't just want hookups idk) and just try going to a bar or social or something and being like hi I think you're hot this is what I know I'm into, interested? Because that's what I actually want. It took me a while to realize it, but yeah, I don't care about whether someone cares about me deeply as a person, I'm just horny. And I'm an adult (20) so....

Anyway. Friend in question responded like that was a terrible idea and said I shouldn't do it because I don't know what I'm doing.

Now I'm just confused because like sure, I don't, I've literally only kissed people before but also, lmao. How else am I supposed to figure it out. I'm not worried, I know what I like I've experimented a lot on my own, and I'm comfortable asserting boundaries and communicating. Like sure maybe it'll be awkward, whatever, but they were acting like there's some rule about how I'm doing it wrong and now I'm just confused.

I guess my question is sort of. Would it be somehow... inappropriate... for me to just find a stranger willing to have sex with me and do that. Especially because I have zero expectations really and would both be comfortable just leaving if the vibes are bad? I don't think I'm articulating this very well but honestly I'm a bit confused on what I'm confused about. They seemed like it had to something to do with my lack of prior experience but that sounds a bit ridiculous to me given that I have no interest in idk finding someone to get into an actual relationship with, now or probably ever. So why would I do that first like it's some sort of magic rule. Idk. Help?

hi anon,

respectfully, I think this is probably a friend whose opinions don't need to factor in to your (potential) sex life very much. while I'd certainly recommend everyone engage in sex with people who respect them and care about their safety and enjoyment, whatever that looks like for them, there's no reason that has to preclude sex with strangers - hell, one of the most fun, thoughtful, and relaxed sexual experiences I've ever had was with a bunch of people I had just met at a conference, most of whom I didn't know the names of. someone you just met can be more communicative and mindful of your wants than someone you've known for years; it's all varies tremendously!

giving a charitable read to your friend, I can see why someone might assume that it's better off not to have a first sexual experience with a stranger, but again, that comes from a place of assuming that a stranger is an inherently inferior sexual partner. you seem to have an extremely clear sense of what you want and expect from a sexual encounter, and so long as all of that's clearly understood between you and whoever else is participating I don't see any issue with that. how and with whom you have sex is, after all, up to you.

[yoyowrites]

i would like to preface this with a disclaimer that this is my personal opinion, i am a random person on the internet, and fanfic writers SHOULD write whatever they want. this also is semi stream of consciousness so walk with me (if you want)

i hate when ppl give shen yuan the same/similar trauma that shen jiu had. (the exception is is its a fic where sy IS sj). especially when sy then gets love and cared for bc he handles it "so much better". it almost feels like telling sj "see,this is how you're supposed to react stupid. if only you weren't so hateful and prideful and *you*, then maybe you'd be worthy of love".

obviously, people handle trauma in different ways and it is possible that one person handles it in a healthier less antisocial way and no adult is 'deserving' of the love and care of another just because.

in the example of sy and sj it already feels like sy takes everything from sj. when we talk abt sqq, we have to clarify who we mean even though the person who earned that name was shen jiu. sj has been stripped of so much autonomy to the point that we as readers barely know his story bc it was told via two unreliable narrator.

also im still not over sy being able to save lqq when sj couldn't (sqh you hack)

anyways, do what you want, write what you want, this is a super nonissue.

[thenight-comes-down-likeheaven]

The other day I said that it's probably time for "Is it wrong to know who Sleep Token are?" posts to circulate again. It seems I was correct, but I have seen some takes here that are very aggressive and honestly, just unrealistic.

It is not inherently bad to know their names, what they look like or to follow their other projects, especially if you found out accidentally. What is wrong is to purposely go looking for their information and invade their privacy. It is wrong to dig up details of their lives or search for information that they, themselves, have not given us. It is wrong for you to post that info online when they clearly don't want it out there. That is stalking.

They are all adults. They have all had an online presence at some point and they have all been in the music industry for years. I doubt that they thought they would be able remain fully anonymous forever, especially not with the very nature of the internet and the advent of algorythmic social media (screw you, TikTok and Instagram); but fame and an online presence do not negate their right to privacy or their right to choose exactly how private they want to be. I am sure they knew from the beginning that ST fans would eventually find and interact with their other work. If they had problems with that, they would let us know, but we still shouldnt be broadcasting any of that information. Just knowing those things is not wrong, it's what you do with them. We can, in fact, support their work outside of Sleep Token while still respecting their boundaries and keeping things separate.

Under the cut I talk VERY vaguely about their other projects and social media. Obviously no names of memebers or projects, no faces, but I think it's important:

As far as anyone knows, Vessel and ii are not active online other than through the official ST accounts. There is a reason for that. Leave it alone, don't go looking. Their past works are still public. Vessel's past project put out an extended edition of their EP last year, it's not something he is trying to hide like a lot of people claim, BUT he clearly does not want it to have anything to do with Sleep Token. Listen to them, enjoy the music, but don't bring them up unless you're in a space for it, and especially don't bring up their names or post their faces. The music should be appreciated, but their boundaries are the most important thing.

iii and iv are both in other bands and those bands are publicly online. In ivy's case, his other band predates him joining ST, so it's not totally unthinkable that people would find out about it. Do not bring ST into those bands' spaces, and do not bring those bands into ST spaces. Again: listen to them, enjoy them, just be respectful! Don't use their names or post their faces unless you're in a space for the respective band and it's allowed.

iii used to stream on twitch, many of us know that. There was an unspoken rule: do not bring up anything ST related. No "Worship", no "omg hiii bassy <3", nothing of the sort. That same principle works for both ST and their other work. When in doubt, just don't say anything.

There is nothing wrong with knowing about these things! There is nothing wrong with enjoying the music! What's wrong is when people take it too far, when they overstep the very clear boundaries that have been laid out and invade the band member's carefully cultivated privacy. When people demand information and interaction, and deny the guys basic decency and respect, that is where the problems lie. People that do that have no place here.

Don't go out looking for information, don't hunt down pictures, don't call out their names at shows or bring signs or merch for their other projects. Respect their boundaries. We owe them that.

[bandtrees]

Random Dialtown Society Headcanons

a handful of decades ago there was a big boom in parents who saw mobile phones as the future giving their kids heads of things like mobile phones and computers. this fizzled out as mobile phones and computers became integrated as everyday objects and became generally agreed upon to be kind of hard to actually live with. so there's an entire generation of sad millennials whose parents had both the money and ambition to give their kids these heads - this is how we get randy. presently, mobile phone heads often carry the stereotype of a hipster at best and a depressed young neet at worst

faux-retro phones also have a hipstery connotation, and specifically the idea that your parents were trying too hard. heads like these are the equivalent of naming your kid something like Oakleigh (joke courtesy of friend fig)

"apple head" as a phrase means the opposite of what it does in real life - flat and small, as in an apple product

smartphone heads carry the connotation of a soulless influencer, youtube family channels and their kids with cocomelon on their smartphone heads are the topic of many a video essay by pretentious blackberryheads about the downfall of society

there are some batshit insane parents out there like Oh my beautiful baby cares not for societal norms which is why i have given them a tuba head and that poor person is just baby tubahead forever

having a screen on your head a decade ago carried the connotation that you were smart and well-read - think our society's equivalent of glasses - now, though, they tend to be associated with vapidness/dumbness with the connotation that you need to see things on a screen to understand them

the less common/higher society equivalent to mobile phones to phoneheads is computers for typewriters. furthermore the act of having a keyboard is perceived as somewhat feminine and if you dig deeper there are a subset of individuals who will call you gay if your head has buttons on it

the difference between an incel and a chad is a few millimeters of bone (this is about the height of your rotary phonehead)

teen protagonists in movies, especially teen dramas, tend have mobile phone and laptop heads so you know they’re immature and out of touch with the values of their parents. This is almost always a visual shorthand thing and despite being a known stereotype no attention is ever drawn to the fact the parents would have chosen to give them those heads

typewriters were not gendered until after the dialup - think the equivalent of pink not being seen as a girly color until recently

there exist tech giant corporations in the dialtown universe who co-opt the story of callum crown to justify changing their heads to their new products as advertisement. whether or not this is a moral thing to do always becomes a topic of discussion all over the internet for like a month and then is promptly forgotten about, and then the next month they're back to having normal heads

having the same head as an animal is basically telling the world either you're a furry or your parents really wanted you to be a furry. it's a common shorthand for animal motifs in fiction to the point where it's seen as on-the-nose

there are semifrequent controversies about celebrities giving their children gimmicky objectheads

having toy heads ie little billy is relatively common in children, having them as an adult, depending on the crowd, can make you come off as either fun and whimsical or somewhat stunted

hospitals come stocked with very basic objecthead shells for sudden deliveries

in art, objectheads drawn with facial features is a relatively common thing in works for very small children but is seen as deeply uncanny in anything more

collecting phones/typewriters/other objects is seen as somewhat macabre or shlocky but not an outright red flag. however there have been scandals that come from people customizing them to be the size of human heads