#ELIAS STATEMENT HELLO?????????

[bitter-goodbyes]

Jon getting drawn in!!!!!!

[destructo-range]

dumb tma fic idea: when michael becomes the distortion it's still technically bound to the eye because his contract never ended with the institute/the eye. and he has to come in like once a week to do paperwork or he'll feel ill

[hauntedfarfalle]

I can no longer go a day without getting hello Jon’d

[terminalvelocityfrfr]

I literally cannot look at the word deception the same anymore

“He used deception-” fuck yeah he did hi Jon

[kaz-oooo]

I’m a lover of epistolary fics and I wanna write more! But part of me wants to write a fic that’s entirely handwritten cos idfk.. it’d be fun for me!

That said my handwriting is absolutely atrocious (okay. maybe not atrocious, but my hand gets sore quickly so it’s wildly inconsistent) and it absolutely does not match with the character I was wanting to write about.

[nanaarchy]

The fact that TMA and TMagP are podcasts means that there are no official visuals. You can just Think things.

Boom. Everyone in the Archives now has a cowboy hat. The OIAR staff are all wearing McDonalds uniforms. Alice wears neon party sunglasses constantly. Needles is in a strawberry dress. Elias never actually stopped smoking weed, Jonah loves that shit and does it all the time and when his office gets all foggy Peter Lukas shows up and they make out. Jon read out the Hello, Jon statement in an ugly Christmas sweater that Martin got him for the office secret santa. Georgie and Jon had matching unicorn onesies in S3. Daisy wears MSCHF's Big Red Boots all the time.

[annabelle--cane]

okay really. what's "augustus" doing here? where'd that third voice come from? the whole web tape plan was about capturing the voices of the archivist and those closest to him and sending them through the portal, and jon and martin were on the tapes the most, but if that's just how the voices were selected then the third voice would be basira (third most appearances) or gertrude (third most read statements). so where'd that voice come from? if the criteria was that it took the voices of the people who were most vital to the apocalypse and the spreading of the fears, then surely we'd have annabelle over martin. so where'd that voice come from? if the three voices are just the three people who died and vanished in the panopticon, then surely that voice would be elias's, jonah's original body got turned to "ashes swept away by the winds of ecstatic terror." how would this program have nicked the voice of a corpse that hadn't spoken in over a century? why would it have done that? what's the reasoning here? Where Did It Come From? hello is anyone hearing meeee.

[laora-ryn]

Chester, [ERROR], and Jonathan Sims: The Anthill Theory

Hello Tumblr, may I present a follow up to my initial thesis that [ERROR] is Jon? As well as a rebuttal to the argument I've seen floating around:

"[ERROR] can't be Jon! Jon is in the computers!"

Why are you treating these like two distinct eventualities?

Jon died as an omniscient, omnipotent demi-god half a step down from The Eye itself. Jon died at the exact moment that he was pulled through a rift in space-time. If Jon survived that, I doubt he'd end up human on the other side. He'd probably end up as something else entirely.

Something none of us, and none of the Protocol-universe characters, have ever seen before.

"Imagine you are an ant, and you have never before seen a human - "

1. We have Chester, who has Jon's voice, and has shown signs of autonomy and a personality where Norris and Augustus have not.

I have another meta post picking apart the fr3-d1 stuff, but for the sake of staying on topic, I will show an abbreviated, summarized list from that post below:

Mystery emails sent to various OIAR employees:

Episode 4: Gwen receives an email from an unknown source showing Lena trying to kill Klaus

Episode 4: "the system" sends Alice a notification that Sam searched for "Magnus" and "protocol"

Episode 7: Sam receives an email from a "John" with an internal email address, with Gerry's name and address

Episode 20: Sam receives an email from a garbled email address, with documents from 1999 regarding Starkwall and TMI

Error messages:

Episode 3: Alice receives a jmj error that Colin troubleshoots. Freddy snarks back at both of them

Episode 17: Alice receives a jmj error that Gwen troubleshoots. There are plenty of error noises, but imo it comes across less snarky than it did in episode 3

Other miscellaneous interactions:

Episode 5: Alice: "what the hell is wrong with everyone today?" OIAR computer, not having been touched or interacted with: [error noise]

Episode 17: Chester reads a universe-hopping statement to Celia

Episode 19: Sam asks Alice to talk with him about the Magnus Institute. Immediately, Alice's computer throws an error, like it wants her to stop working and talk with Sam

Magnus Institute Statements read to Sam:

All of the below statements are read out by Chester, and are (meant to be, in 21) read out to Sam specifically:

Episode 1: RedCanary

Episode 9: the cursed dice Magnus statement. This one starts on its own, while Sam is doing the Response Dept paperwork

Episode 14: the snake emporium. I'd almost mark this one as too much of a stretch, but Sam himself caught the Institute mention and was bothered by it

Episode 19: the one with Newton's alchemical tree that talks about the Protocol

Episode 21: the one about the Dome construction in the 90s, which Alice intercepts on Sam's computer

As far as I can see, the only statement that mentions the Magnus Institute that isn't read by Chester to Sam is the one that is read by Chester to Celia, as mentioned above

In terms of Norris and Augustus:

Martin was pulled through the rift at the exact same time as Jon, except as someone mostly human. Relatively human.

Jonah was too, but Jonah was already a static dead body at the moment of the rift - it wasn't the released potential energy of his death that catalyzed and pulled everything through the rift.

It makes sense, to me, that if all three of them are here, Jon is in a uniquely powerful/sentient position in comparison to the other two. Which leads us to point 2:

2. We have [ERROR], exhibiting characteristics that are indicative of Jon and no one else

See my other meta post for more info, but in summary:

The tape recorders spawned specifically for Jon in TMA, via the Web

Did even Elias show abilities to compel people to give their statement? He could tell people their statement, and force images into their heads, but could he force it out of their mouths? I don't remember seeing that

Along with the other evidence that isn't Jon-specific but is indicative of a TMA character:

They were initially trapped underneath the Magnus Institute - which could also be Jonah, or Martin

Their apparent desire to protect Gwen and "all of them" - which could also be Martin, or some non-familiar benevolent being

Jon being Chester and Jon being [ERROR] are not mutually exclusive.

Who's to say Jon, the Archivist, or what's become of him, or what's left of him, isn't the fingernail, and the boot, and the eye? Maybe he's even something else we, the ant, never live to see, or don't have the senses to perceive at all!

Additionally!

I think this might even tentatively explain why [ERROR] is voiced by Beth Eyre instead of Jonny - beyond "it would be way too obvious if they want it to be a plot twist"

If Jon/the Archivist is split into multiple parts of the same whole, in this universe. If, in the chaos of interdimensional travel, traits/attributes/parts of Jon were not distributed equally or correctly. For our anthill example, perhaps the color of our gazing eye, or the rubber material of our stomping boot, was applied to our fingernail instead. Maybe [ERROR] should have Jon's voice, but they don't. Maybe they didn't have a voice at all. We didn't hear them say anything at all in episode 10, only take a deep breath

Maybe they had to take a voice from one of their victims. Do you think there was a reason that we heard the autopsy statement secondhand, after the doctor transcribed it, rather than the victim's voice herself?

(When, as far as I know, the common ways to record information during autopsies is either with a voice recorder, or dictating to a secondary person to write, who was demonstrably not present? When, by all rights, there should have been a voice recorder present?)

I'm currently working on a master TMAGP timeline (and a TMA one otl), but an extremely abbreviated, specific version of it is as follows:

9 March: Sam and Alice visit the Magnus Institute and release [ERROR]

20 March: the autopsy victim is found dead in a park

22 March: Alice encounters the drowning woman

12 April: [ERROR] appears during Ink5oul's attack on Gwen

How many victims do they have, since Sam let them loose? Is it just the ones we've already seen, or were there others too?

This could go off in about 5000 different directions so I'm going to cut it here, but what I'm getting at here is - it makes a LOT of sense to me that we might be looking at another "creatures far beyond our comprehension" here; it'd make a lot of sense thematically; and it's just really freaking cool, if I'm being honest!!

[casual-socks]

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

[kitsunesakii]

Printer issues

Ur here, Lunch Date, Flower Shop, The Stranger- pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, next part?

(A conversation between Sasha and Micheal before the siege of Jane Prentiss)

Sasha stared as the printer sputtered and grunted. A pause, another sound before silence. She grumbled and hit the roof of the printer a second time. Nothing. A small mechanical shutter and then nothing. Sasha let out an exasperated sigh and sat back. It was unbelievable that she could hack into anything Jon asked her to, but she was thwarted by a damn printer. She considered bugging Elias about it but she wasn't in the mood to deal with him. If she wanted the details to the statement printed, she'd have to use the printer at the desk to artifact storage.

Just lovely.

Sasha dragged her hands through her hair as she made her way to the other end of the Institute. She didn't have to pretend she enjoyed the place. It wasn't... Natural. She had figured out that much. And not just because of the worm infestation gathering outside the walls of the Institute. She had felt it before as well. She sensed it when they had followed up on statements only to find the person dead or missed. She had noticed it when at her desk and it felt like a thousand eyes staring daggers into the back of her head. And she noticed it now as she sat behind the Artifact storage reception desk and logged in, praying desperately that the printer would connect and behave in a timely manner.

The printer made a small wine and a short compliant huff before a paper started feeding through. Sasha dared to breathe. The paper pushed its way through and the printer made a delighted chime. She frowned. The printer paper, which should have printed out an information sheet about a drug company in relation to a health crisis, was instead a mess of colors and patterns, Sasha found it was hard to look at after a while.

Just. Bloody. Lovely.

She didn't have time to think before laughter ricocheted off of the wall and shattered through her mind. Micheal. Lord, she really needed to get paid more.

Sasha forced herself to at least try and stay calm.

"Hello again, Archivist Assistant, what leads you down here to such a place?"

She eye'd him carefully. The last interaction had left her compromised and almost dead in a graveyard and while she was safely within the Institute, she doubted that would actually be a genuine factor against him.

"The printer wasn't working." She answered rather dumbly.

He giggled and walked forward, picking up the headache of colors splattered over the paper and looking it over. "It doesn't seem broken to me." He laughed again and she felt it in her bones.

She shook her head and swallowed. "No- not this one, the one upstairs."

"Ah yes, well that one has never seemed to work." He giggled again and she managed a small frown.

What would he know about the institute's printer? She thought it was best not to ask. Instead she carefully moved towards the computer and gestured at the screen. "That's why I'm opting to use this one."

"You should try again then." His hair washed over his jaw and his shoulder as he tipped his head. His grin spreading further than the confines of his face.

Right. Sasha clicked print and watched the printer go through the motions of odd sounds before spitting out yet another distorted array of colors and shapes. Maybe she'd just be better off telling Jon he wasn't getting a paper version. Surely she could just email the details to him?

Micheal's laughter reverberated through the room as he leaned against the counter, holding his face in too long fingers.

"My, my, Assistant, whatever are you printing?"

Sasha let out a half hearted chuckle. It was too late into the day to have to deal with this. She ignored his question. "Yeah, obviously this isn't working."

"Giving up already? Oh Assistant, come on, give it another try." His smile was all teeth.

"It's Sasha." She said, rubbing her forehead.

"The printer has a name?"

"No, Micheal, my name. My name is Sasha."

He laughed again, his form spreading out like smoke before reflecting colors like glass, just transparent enough to see through whilst also noticing your reflection.

"So you say, will you try again?"

"Yes cause I'm sure it'll work better than the first two times."

"Sasha?"

She snapped her head in the direction of the voice, seeing Sally walking towards her with a concerned expression and carrying a stack of books.

"Who are you talking to?"

Sasha turned back to where Micheal was standing, except Micheal was gone and the door he had come from no longer seemed to exist. Of course.

"Oh um, no one, just talking to myself."

Sally didn't press the matter, instead disappearing down an adjacent hall. Sasha scowled and tried pressing print again, almost crying with relief as the document finally printed. Sasha quickly grabbed it and went to walk away before glancing back at the tray. Back at the two distorted pages. She grabbed those as well, folding them up and tucking them into her purse.

----------------------------------------------

"Thank you, Sasha, I'll have Martin look into the drug company's representative tomorrow."

"Great, just don't ask me to print out anything in the future, I've had quite enough to last me for a while."

Jon gave her a quizzical expression and Sasha let out a belated sigh.

"Nevermind, I'm headed home. Don't forget to feed yourself, Jon."

He muttered some backhanded response and she headed for home.

Sasha tossed her purse on the kitchen counter and started brewing a cup of tea. She spent most of the evening getting out of work mode and into comfier attire. Finally pulling out the distorted papers from her bag and looking them over. The colors were...pretty. For lack of a better word. Oddly distracting, mildly disorienting, but pretty nonetheless. She hummed and taped them to her fridge. A bit of eye-catching decoration never hurt anyone.

[zabala0z]

TMA S4 Finale (and the absolute rollercoaster of thoughts I now have)

Hi! WHAT. WHAT??? WHAT????

I’m not even gonna TALK about Mag 157 besides, I love Adelard Dekker, I’m very thankful Melanie is alive (also her and Georgie are dating??? Wow I’m dense) and I love Helen even more

I’m actually going insane over Daisy. Please. Girl. You still have so much to live for, you deserve to live a good life, everyone does. I’m actually going to rip out my TEETH.

Elias is Jonah. I unfortunately did know this. Can’t dodge spoilers that well but you know what, the build up was fucking awesome and I’m applauding the writers. ALSO NOT SASHA AND THE HUNTERS?? WELCOME BACK???

MAG 159: The Last

Martin getting stuck in The Lonely. I genuinely was distraught guys. Peter Lukas also giving his statement like, low key, I felt bad for him. Anyways then Jon ripped Peter Lukas apart. Can’t say I’m mad. It was rather scary. Like Jon full on was just 🤷����‍♀️. LIKE-

I did enjoy the brief moment of domestic life in MAG 160 which was soon interrupted by MOTHERFUCKING Elias Bouchard. Or Jonah Magnus. I DONT CARE.

MAG 160: The Eye Opens

“Hello Jon, apologies for the deception” HE SAID THE THING!!!!!

This episode answered the biggest question I’ve been having lately: hey, if these entities have existed for so long..why haven’t any succeeded??

I kinda want to unknow it now. Just- GOD. IM JUST UGJCLHCVPJH. I HATE THIS PODCAST. Elias is so calculating and articulate, you’d fucking think he’s an avatar of The Web. There’s something funny though that everyone is trying to bring all these rituals and it keeps failing and no one knows the true reason

Bring all the fears to the world. The worst idea ever and it worked. And I hate everything.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I don’t know what they’re going to do now. Jon does not sound very stable which is worrying but the world doesn’t sound very…good at the moment. I just feel very. Overwhelmed. Not overwhelmed. What’s a word where everything is crashing down and all you can do is watch??? Whatever.

I need to recover. For a bit before I start season 5. From what I hear, MAG 161 is rough. And I don’t think I can handle another thing that makes my brain fold in on itself.

Just. Jesus. God. Thank you again to everyone who is following me on this journey (???). I am tweaking out at the moment. But thank you. Expect a post on season 5…sometime???

God damn it, I need to recover

[bitter-goodbyes]

ELIAS GAVE US A STATEMENT OF JONS DREAM??????

Tim and Daisy are dead…. Jon is all but brain dead?????

“He feels whole” (paraphrasing what Elias said about Jon, about The Eye) OMG IM OBSESSED HELLO?????

Elias is arrested…. I think I’m honestly gonna miss him LOL

Peter Lukas making a comment on Martin monitoring Jon’s condition closely LOL

Peter Lukas….. I don’t think I trust him… the way he sounded at the end was veryyyy suspicious to me…..

Sooooo excited to start season 4!!!! I think I’ll be able to tomorrow <3333

[jester-writing]

I personally like to think all of the different "Hello Jon"'s the TMA fandom makes are just Elias trying increasingly inane ways to get Jon to read the Mag 160 Statement because Jon keeps managing to not read it.

Like just a bit ago I saw a version of it where it was a star wars opening crawl.

So now I'm imagining a scenario where Elias has an elaborate plan to have Jon read it during a screening of a new star wars movie that he has actually replaced the entire film with the Statement in the opening crawl. He spent a long time on this. Working on all the editing, getting the music just right, preparing a specific theater, exchanging the film with the Statement, trying to make sure that the ticket Jon and Martin get takes them to the rigged theater, run back to the Panopticon to be in the correct area when it goes down, all that stuff.

And then his plans are foiled when Jon and Martin, after getting their ticket, decided they didn't want to watch the new star wars and went to the movie right next to the rigged film.

Anyways there's more examples I want to share but I'm going to put them under the read more for those who don't want to read them.

Hello, Jon.

Apologies for the deception, but I wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself.

I’m assuming you’re alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldn’t try too hard to stop reading; there’s every likelihood you’ll just hurt yourself. So just listen.

Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

[sarcasticscribbles]

(MAG001 Sasha the Archivist AU: I play with switching around some characters and edited the transcript to be more Sasha (however it's still based on the official script). It's just for fun, a little intro if you will

This post has more context )

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST

Hello? Test… uh. 1, 2, 3… Right, so.

[DEEP BREATH]

I’m Sasha James. I work for the Magnus Institute, London, an organisation dedicated to academic research into the paranormal. The head of the Institute, Gertrude Robinson, has employed me to replace the previous Head Archivist, Elias Bouchard, who recently quit the position.

I have been working in academia for a decade now, and am familiar with most of the artefacts and research. Some investigations are, admittedly, dead ends, but some appear to be genuine cases; however, when an investigation has gone as far as it can, it is transferred to the Archives. That’s us, me. 

So, the Institute was founded in 1818, and The Archive contains close to 200 years of case files. The Institute may have placed a higher emphasis on maintaining a pristine academic image rather than delving into the task of managing statements or recent experiences. We have a beautiful library but a mess of an archive. This isn’t necessarily a problem – I, or we, can deal with that. Digitalising and modern filling is easy, but, Elias Bouchard seemed to not prioritize that. 

It is going to take me a while to organise this mess; however, I am not alone. I’ve two- or well, three, researchers to assist me. I’ve worked with them in research and have no doubts with their credentials. Alongside me are Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood and, well, also, Timothy Stoker — they will do some supplementary research on details that may be missing.

I want to digitise the files as much as possible and record audio versions, but I think it will be on a tape recorder for now. I tried to record on my laptop and, it ended up… Distorted.

[SIGH]

Thousands of files and loose papers clutter this space, with most notes appearing incoherent and unmarked boxes. It appears that some items are dated, but all the marking and organisation have been done manually, and, of course, without any digital or audio versions. I think my laptop might be the first computer here. It appears that little of the actual investigations have been stored in the Archives, so most of the files are the statements themselves.

I’ll try to present these as clear as I can at the end of each statement, but I can not, unfortunately, promise an order with the dates, or theme of the statements. I’m sorry to any researcher attempting to use these files for their own investigations.

I think that covers the new managements, and excuses the state of this place. Furthermore, I’ll try my best, but I don’t think it can get much worse. We have to begin somewhere, right?

Statement of Nathan Watts, regarding an encounter on Old Fishmarket Close, Edinburgh. Original statement given April 22nd 2012. Audio recording by Sasha James, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

[owlbee-writing]

TheArchivist: my three archival assistants,

And yes, they smoke weed

Michael distortion: do they smoke weed?

TheArchivist: yes, actually.

Jane prentiss: You mean they aren’t just smoking cigarettes? But weed cigarettes?

TheArchivist: it’s called a bunt… not a weed cigarette… and yes, it’s a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we read statements. (They are my archival assistants.)

Helen distortion: they don’t look like they smoke weed

TheArchivist: Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking archival assistants are researching statements to calm me down I’m so mad.

Melanie: Your “weed smoking archival assistant” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on his belly. The one in the middle.

TheArchivist: I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Martin or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on him ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING

Basira: Well that escalated quickly……

TheArchivist: What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *martin grabs my shoulder* Come on Jon, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking his off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my archival assistants struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*

Elias: haha oh my god

who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.

love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS”, “THEY ALL RESEARCH STATEMENTS”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.

and let’s not forget the “Martin” and his “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.

“the goo pile that is now your body”

i’m dying over here, jesus

please, Jonathan, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.

TheArchivist: *shoots you dead* Heh, idiot…

*leaves with my three weed smorking archival assistants to go hold hands and research statements.*

Daisy: this dude playin omg

TheArchivist: Come again? *The institute falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the institute is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Archivist publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Martin…. Sash-sasha… Tim… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see Beholding looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.*

Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*

[charlitabutterscotch]

I'm so completely normal after tmagp 23 and malevolent 44

Harlan Guthrie when I catch you. When I catch you Harlan Guthrie.

Spoilers for the new episodes below!

Idk if Harlan was the one to write this specific part, or if it was Jonny, but the way Sam called "Jonathan Sims" a generic name will NOT be funny XD

ALSO WDYM THEY DIED???? HUHHHHHHHHHHH

Celia you ain't slick with that "elsewhere" 😒

HELEN AND BASIRA MENTION RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

HELLO ERROR THE ARCHIVIST

I love you Alice

Also unrelated but Harlan did a fantastic job with this statement!! The body horror was sooo unnerving, and the ending was so creepy as well!

That being said, this statement was also very Malevolent coded with how Alesis' body was slowly being taken over, and how she was essentially being trapped in a new body that took her eyes (this also parallels to Jonah Magnus taking over Elias Bouchard's body and his eyes).

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT MALEVOLENT EPISODE???? THEY BOYS FINALLY SAID I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER *INCOHERENT SCREECHING*