#EDITED FOR SOME CLARITY ALREADY SORRY

[v-arbellanaris]

Your da meta is amazing and very eye opening. All about Justina/magic/chantry really got me. And I had a thought, this belief that mages are devil like figures/are always vunerable to demons stems from the Chantry. I get it. But why the qunari believe the same thing? (The Qunari - Saarebas codex) It bugs me that people of a completely different culture with no previous contact to the Chantry went to same conclusion. They only conquered Par Vollen during 6th age. Part 1/2

2/3 During the Exalted Marched they lost possibly because of lack of magic on their side. Is it possible that they created Saarebas later? Also I always wondered if Tamasarans are not simply lying about many things just so people they raise follow orders. Like -magic must be tightly controled because its a tool of war (they borrow a chantry tale to justify it), Or: metal and swords are precious resource (lets tell soldiers that its their soul they cannot loose) Or sell, to make the thought of

3/3 becoming a Tal Vashoth mercenary so much unthinkable. They also lost the tome of Koslun in 7th age so they have to make up new wisdom instead of following it by the book? Not to mention the cutting out the tounges thing. Because mouth-sewing is even more of a nonsense. I mean, how would they eat? Did Koslun really write all of this? Wasn't he a philosopher and a poet?(qun being based a bit of plato's republic)Sorry this is so chaotic. Qunari-magic lore is giving me a headache. Any thoughts?

hello! thank you so much, i'm glad you're liking my meta!!!

it's not chaotic at all! i definitely get what you mean. this is gonna get a bit long so im going to tuck most of this under a cut!

from an outside perspective, i think the qunari are intended to draw a lot of parallels to the ottoman empire (especially pertinent considering real world templars), except there is - perhaps unsurprising, considering how much of qunari canon is established during da2, and world events that were happening on the time e.g. bush's war on terror etc - a lot of inherently islamophobic tropes built into bioware's conceptualisation of the qunari, which they later tried to backtrack on in DAI to some extent. but islamophobia is endemic to bioware's concept of the qun and qunari, and the reason that's so important to establish and understand is because it sheds light on what they intended the qun to represent. there was (and still is, in many circles) arguments around how things like sharia law and islam-majority countries are "backwards" and "barbaric" on many different issues, which are often used 1) to justify discriminatory laws, invasions, wars, political assassinations etc (by conflating islam with extremism etc) and 2) to detract from how the same problems also still exist in the west and are not "solved" or "over" by any means. homophobia, sexism, ableism, transphobia, anti-migrant sentiments, anti-native sentiments, antisemitic attitudes, antiblackness, colourism, fatphobia, etc are as present in countries like the u.s., the uk, as anywhere else, even if its dressed up differently. so understanding that sort of explains why bioware did what they did with the qunari - the qunari exist as a narrative tool to tell you: it could be worse. sure, the chantry locks up their mages in the circle - but it could be worse! they could sew their mouths shut and lead the mages around on a leash. sure, the templars kill civilians seeming to aid mages - but it could be worse! the ben-hassrath exist. etc etc. the qunari exist as an ideological bogeyman; the islamophobic and orientalist tropes it draws on reflect the time most of this canon was written in, and are therefore essential to the narrative purpose the qun is supposed to embody, as far as bioware is concerned.

i do agree the way bioware written them is just… very aggravating. i think essentially, you can play it a lot of different ways, including the way you've suggested, though i would need to think through the potential implications more considering the tropes & cultures the qunari draw on, to make sure im not feeding into the racist & islamophobic narrative that bioware uses for them since at this point, the parallels can't be avoided unless you're writing the qunari from scratch. for example, in your above suggestion, my immediate thought was abt the tome of koslun. the tome of koslun's contents may be based on plato, but the reverence it's treated with and the general... everything else about it reminds me of the qur'an. the qur'an can be memorised & recited from memory by people (google tahfeez for an explanation, but most muslims know a handful of the shorter chapters) and a lot of care is taken when copying the qur'an; copies of the qur'an are supposed to be identical, and those that are not cannot be used for recitation. so i would hesitate to say that the qunari simply made up a bunch stuff and claimed it was from the tome of koslun, because it's a big religious taboo to do similar things with the qur'an.

and there's actually a fantastic thing here, which i've reblogged before, suggesting a rewrite for the qunari which is written by a muslim, which ive always liked! and it's certainly more thought through than anything i've got atm lol

like ive been tossing up a few ideas myself, to try and... rather than rewrite the qunari, to reframe them. i think da2 offers a lot of opportunities to go "well varric lied" and i admit, im not above taking advantage of the narrative style to suit my own purposes. like of course there's all this weird islamophobic bullshit with the qunari; varric is talking to cassandra, the right hand of the divine. ofc he's going to appeal to stereotypes the chantry has about the qun in his story. i'm still trying to piece together how i would do that, though, and where/why i would make changes.

specifically wrt to the saarebas, i had wondered whether i could make it something they do specifically to thedosian mages - tevinter mages caught in battle with seheron, for example. bull, after all, makes it a point to note that qunari can also be elven or human or even dwarven, but in da2, every saarebas we see is as non-human as the arishok. southern mages (circle mages at least) go their entire lives terrified of who and what they are, which makes them dangerous to themselves and also to others, because they're more susceptible to demonic influences (which! not true! but i think it would be interesting to have the argument from the qunari that the circles & chantry propaganda are breeding grounds for abominations because they're prisons, rather than mages themselves being the issue) (compared to, maybe, a qunari mage - mage being a dedicated position just like ben-hassrath or sten, treated without any stigma). tevinter mages are outright dangerous to them, actively wanting to harm them, and so "typical" saarebas treatment - though, i'd also omit the mouth sewn shut thing for similar reasons - is more like... prisoner of war treatment (which is not MUCH better tbf)? especially considering the qunari use "bas" for people outside the qun but qunari mages are called saarebas, it's always struck me as a bit weird since qunari mages are still... part of the qun? so. dangerous thing, for mages existing outside the qun, like circle mages or apostates or tevinter mages, but not their own mages? idk tho, im not committed to anything yet lol

[floralb0t]

time for this seasons "ok hear me out" miragehound idea - mid fantasy cursed shapeshifter

Bloodhound was in a role of honour in their clan until an Incident with a Stranger left them in a position of disrespect, having allowed the stranger to steal a precious heirloom belonging to the clan.

And so after some time they set out as a treasure hunter, hoping to reclaim it. Although they have no luck in that regard, they gain a good reputation as someone who can find things for others, and this is when they take on the moniker "Bloodhound". All is going as well as one could expect until they are tricked into stealing something, getting cursed in the process

And they know it as soon as it happens. the curse is unmistakable. They, by daylight, are a crow. By night, they return to themself, which is almost worse. Sleeping is hard, talking with commissioners is hard, getting through the various closed locations to find the treasures that keep them fed is hard; the only thing that's easy is actually travelling from place to place. as long as things are secured in their pockets or to their person when the transformation occurs, it will be there when they go back to a human shape.

Eventually they catch wind of an item that can help at least. A mirror said to answer any question truthfully, as long as you can find it. And a man who seems to know a lot about it, because he's been searching for well over a decade now to find it. They're almost disappointed when they find him, some random guy who owns a tavern but is constantly funding expeditions to go search for this mirror, crossing off as many locations as he can. if he's been this methodical and still hasn't found it, perhaps it doesn't exist.

But the guy, Mirage, hears tell that the Bloodhound is in town, and he offers them a lot of money to take him on as a commissioner; enough money that they could just buy back their family's heirloom or afford to have a new one built; and its because he's got one location left in mind where it could be. and he wants a seasoned adventurer to be at point, because Mirage's coming with. shenanigans ensue

[ghost-proofbaby]

It's summer for you, winter for me. Warm me up with strawberry fluff! As always, my muse, your muse, the one and only, Eddie.

Midsummer's night, because I don't have a lot to inspire you with. I'm thinking something cute but weird? Maybe some human body softness where Eddie is a bit of a freak and we love him for it. And we're told our bodies are lovely, even when they're doing weird shit.

I lalalove youuuuu. xo Rhi

RHI!!!! <3 i adore you. thank you for this prompt - i had far too many ideas for it, but ended up on settling for this one, which coincidentally feels like the most subtle of them all? either way, it definitely turned out being the softest. give me an eddie munson who just wants to sniff me like a dog. this definitely got a bit long but i hope you enjoy, my dear <3

the smell of you

warnings: weirdos in love? idk. i have a skewed sense of what is actually weird i think. mentions of death and coffins jokingly. eddie 'manhandles' reader sort of. not edited.

wc: 2.2k+

come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3

“Eddie?”

The entire apartment is quiet – too quiet – as you drop your keys into the old crystal bowl on the counter. The clink resonates through the air, louder than the soft murmur of the stereo static you can hear from down the hall. 

“You dead?” you call out again, slipping off your running shoes and tossing down your headphones onto the counter as well now, “Do I need to call the coroner?” 

Your tone is lilted, teasing with airiness as you continue to wander deeper into the apartment and head straight for the room you know Eddie has to be in. Like the waves pulled by the moon, there’s an incessant string tied around one end of your soul that connects you to his, and you follow it all the way down the hallway. The bedroom door is wide open, and you can hear his mumbled yell of a response without clarity before you even cross the threshold. 

You wouldn’t have even needed him to verbally respond to find him in this tiny apartment. You two could get separated on the streets of a bustling city, of a buzzing New York sidewalk, and you still wouldn’t properly lose him. It’s more than just soul ties and his gravity that keeps you pulled to him. 

Something unspoken. Something homely. 

“Sorry, what was that?” you hum as you spy him face-down in the bed, pillow muting him by the mouthful, “Say it one more time, and this time not into the pillow.” 

When he finally properly turns over, he’s a vision. Sleep lines folded into his skin and a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth, eyes squinting in irritation not at you but the sunlight flooding in through the bedroom window. Messy hair, messy shirt, messy everything. A kind of mess you just want to collapse into currently, curling up in all that he is from the day’s exhaustion. 

He’d mentioned wanting to take a nap before you’d left for the gym. Something about the summer heat draining him, trailing off as he’d rambled about how he’d probably thrive as a vampire. 

“I said,” he huffs, sitting up, the frizz of his hair becoming a makeshift halo, “If you call the coroner, request the comfiest coffin possible.”

“Why do you need a comfy coffin if you’re already dead?” 

“You dare deny me of being buried in tempurpedic memory foam? In my hour of need?” 

You roll your eyes as you huff out a little laugh, forcing yourself to turn away from him long enough to strip out of your socks. But just as you reach down for the pieces of clothing, you catch sight of the source of that stereo static flooding the room. 

Your shared record player, spinning a blood red pressing of one of your more recent vinyl purchases. The album has been played through, but the player no longer had an automatic stop mechanism, probably from years of use. 

The center of the record is probably scratched, and Eddie knows it, from how sheepish he looks when you glance over your shoulder at him. 

“Speaking of death,” you walk over quickly, purposefully, before carefully lifting the needle and cutting the static finally, “Care to explain why you’re burning scratches into my Momento Mori vinyl?” 

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologizes, nearly flinging himself off the bed as he scooches quickly to the end, clearly fully awake now, “I put it on and thought I’d just lay down for a quick second, but then the bed was so comfy, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap, and then…” he trails off, looking up at you through his lashes with big eyes already pleading for forgiveness, “I’ll buy you a new one. Swear it.” 

It’s impossible to be mad at him when he’s looking like this, inhumanely soft and easily forgiven, “You’re lucky you’re cute, or you really would be dead.” 

He doesn’t respond with words, but instead the outstretch of his hands, fingers flexing as he beckons to you. The needle rests on its perch, the vinyl left behind to gather dust for a few extra moments, as you go straight to him. 

When his palms slip beneath your old t-shirt and meet your skin, they’re pleasantly warm. 

“You were right,” you admit as his knees spread, delegating even more room for you to stand in front of him as your hand wanders to cradle the side of his face, fingers tangling in sweaty curls from his rest. Your thumb mimics his on your own skin instinctively, tracing a large arch right up over his cheekbone, “It’s hot as balls outside.” 

“Told you so,” he murmurs, smiling softly in satisfaction as he leans lazily into your touch. 

“You did,” you agree quietly, half-entranced by his relaxed face, no sight of pride in the room currently. 

He resembles a cat as he continues to preen under your gentle hand, and you almost expect him to start purring right before you find the strength to pull away, removing his hands from where they'd wandered to your lower back. 

One swipe of his finger along your sweaty spine, and you’d remembered what your original intentions had been immediately upon getting home. 

“Wai- Where are you going?” he’s seemingly brought back down to Earth the moment he loses the pattern your thumb had been tracing, the press of your fingertips into his scalp. When he reaches back out to latch onto you again, you take a step back, “Get back here-”

“I need to shower,” you laugh, shaking your head and smacking his hands away as he continues to barter, “I’m all sweaty and smelly, let me go clean up and then we can nap togeth-” 

“You can shower after we nap,” he nearly whines, finally catching your shirt between his fingers and tugging, uncaring for if he stretches the fabric. A small price to pay to have you close to him, “C’mon, sweetheart. I know you’re just as exhausted as I am.” 

You swear you meant to take another step backwards, but somehow, you end up back between his knees, “Did you not hear me, Munson? I stink.”

“Good.” 

He doesn’t give you any time to react – in an instant, he’s throwing his face forward, burying it against your stomach as you let out a gasp and immediately try to pry him away with far too gentle of hands in his hair. 

“Eddie!”

If it were anyone else, you’d probably be mortified. But Eddie just takes a dramatic deep breath in, nose buried just shy of your belly button, and when his shoulders start to shake with muted laughter, you can’t stop the smile from breaking. Your fingers are still twisted in his hair, still pulling back in an attempt to get him away from you, but he’s resilient. 

And all your faux resistance is weak in comparison. Soon enough, you’re back to melting into him. 

Only once you’re relaxed once more, no sign of trying to pull away again any time soon as his hands once more evade the space beneath your shirt to wander up and down your sticky skin without a care in the world, does he lift his face away from you long enough to breathe and speak, “I’ll have you know – I love your stink.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” 

“You’re an idiot.” 

“I’m your idiot.” 

The game of banter is cut short when he goes back to pressing his nose into your clothes that surely can’t smell good. No amount of deodorant or perfume could erase that underlying stench of sweat. Hell, the shirt is still a bit moist from it all: from the walk to the gym, from your workout itself, from the walk home. It’d been through the ringer, and you’re back to tugging him away from you. 

“I refuse to believe you like how gross I smell right now,” you reinforce, eyes darting towards the bathroom connected to your master bedroom, “I promise I’ll be quick with the shower.” 

“Baby,” he fights back, wrapping his arms around you securely, no intention of losing this battle, “You remember that time we went to the fair, and you were complaining about how you were sweating, so I tried to lick your face?” 

Your nose scrunches quickly at the memory, “I do, unfortunately.”

“You really think I’d be willing to lick the sweat off your body but be afraid of you smelling a little bad while we cuddle?” his shoulders drop as he looks up at you, head tilted, almost as if amused with the conversation, “What kind of man do you take me for?” 

“The kind that gets off on annoying me.” 

His jaw drops, putting on a fake look of offense before he dramatically throws himself back onto the bed, laying flat as he makes a fist to mimic stabbing his chest, “You wound me.”

You’ve heard those words a thousand times in a hundred different ridiculous voices. You’ve seen this scene enough to have it mesmerized at this point, down to the over-exaggerated pout of his lips and the lingering of the fist against his sternum. 

You never grow tired of it. You never will. 

“Need me to kiss it better?” you joke as you prop a knee up on the bed, following the same script as always. 

And he hits his queue perfectly when he lifts his head eagerly at the expected response, wiggling his brows a bit. “Absolutely. Doctor’s orders, in fact.” 

“Great,” you see an opportunity, and take it, “I’ll get right to it, after my showe-” 

You don’t even get the final syllable of the word off your tongue before he’s clenching his thighs around your own, knees pressing hard before he wraps his legs the rest of the way around your waist to pull you in. A squeak of surprise leaves your lips as you begin to fall forward, but Eddie is quick to break the fall with ease. Catching you with his eager hands, maneuvering for you to half drop to the mattress while some of you still lands atop of him. 

He has you right where he wants you, turning his head to be face to face with you, noses nearly brushing, “Unfortunately, the doc said you have to kiss it better now, or else you’ll be comfy coffin shopping.” 

“A fatal wound?” you gasp, nearly mocking him. It doesn’t offend him – if anything, his boyish grin only grows wider, “First, I’m smelly-”

“Again, I like when you’re smelly.”

“-And then I inflict a fatal wound upon my lover? Oh, how dare I.”

Slowly, all your insecurity of how you currently smell is simply fading. The entire ordeal has become an art of childlike, whimsical jokes – and Eddie is an artist. A professional at the dance, locked and loaded with his incomparable skill set equipped for disarming you this way. The ability to make someone feel loved, imperfections and weirdness aside. 

He likes you, even when you claim you don’t smell your best. And you like him, even when his hair is tangled beyond recognition and one of his socks is half-hanging off his foot from a nap.

You like him when he’s embarrassing you in public, tongue chasing after you with the threat of licking your sweat away, and he likes you when all you can do in response is a weak palm to his chest (that isn’t even making an effort to push him away) as you giggle relentlessly. 

You like each other on the good days, the bad days, the weird days. 

Disarmed entirely, you don’t even notice when his face conveniently slots itself far too close to your armpit as you two scooch further up into the bed. You’re more occupied with the way your legs tangle up, toeing each other’s socks off properly as he slings a heavy arm across your torso. 

“We’re gonna have to wash the sheets,” you mumble, exhaustion catching up as the two of you finally settle. 

He hums absentmindedly, nuzzling into your skin a bit further as he makes himself comfortable. “And wash away your sweet, sweet stink? I don’t think so, sweetheart.” 

“Oh, fuck off,” you laugh, unbothered as your fingers start to trail up and down his back over the t-shirt, smoothing out wrinkles along the way, “I’m serious. We need to change them soon anyways, I think I got crumbs in the bed the other night with those crackers.” 

“Bury me in the crumbs of all your midnight snacks,” he almost slurs, clearly drifting back off. 

You snort in response, relaxing and letting your own eyes shut. Matching all your deep breaths with his own, a million different last words crossing your mind to whisper to the boy you’re sure is once again asleep. 

I love you.

I adore you. 

I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me. 

And maybe some of those unspoken thoughts slip out without you realizing, because he squeezes you just a little bit tighter, presses his face just a little bit deeper into your skin as his scruff tickles you. 

The only actual thought you can know for certain that you say, though, is, “Do you think they actually make coffins with memory foam inside?” 

To your surprise, even despite the almost-snores that had been escaping him, he answers in a heartbeat. 

“Oh, definitely. We’ll order two.”

[starflungwaddledee]

Oooo starstruck dee has little stars at the bottom of her feet! Are they just aesthetic or would they make imprints into the ground? (like pawprints)

exactly like that! though she's not the only one...

edit: might need to add some additional dialogue to this to make it more clear, but a clarification in the interim; he knows about his own footprints. he's just surprised to see something similar already there when he knows he's only just landed. he lifts his own shoe to confirm that they're not identical (and also to reveal this to the viewer). seems his stoicism beat off the clarity in this one, sorry 😭

[waitmyturtles]

I've Caught Up With Wandee Goodday, and here are some cons and pros (aka, am I ever burnt out on GMMTV)

HELLO. I'm back temporarily from my summer travels (before I travel again!). I was in Thailand! I should have brought a box of chappals to chuck at the GMMTV building for where Wandee Goodday has gone. Anyway, I need to process my thoughts on this show, so here we go. (And I apologize, I have NOT looked at the tag for this show, so I don't know if I'm repeating what other people are saying here.)

PROS

CONS

1) This show had so much brainrot potential! Remember the first, like, four episodes? Potential homophobia in multiple workplaces? Delicious bisexuality? Ace storylines??? Wandee's PUTZ deception and manipulation? Yak going along with it, why?? There was a lot going on here, a lot we could have chewed on.

I've been sitting on my historical review of Golf Tanwarin's The Eclipse for my Old GMMTV Challenge for about two months now because I can't get over how pissed I was that that show took some unnecessary, and frankly insensible, turns in part to showcase the damn center ship of First and Khao. I don't think Golf's WG has taken similar turns specifically to center the GreatInn ship, per se -- I just think the writing got messy and lazy right before WG's midpoint in general, and punched a lot of the excitement I had about the show right before I paused around episode 8.

Wandee Goodday is an EXCELLENT example of how Thailand's hourlong QL dramas could be made INCREDIBLY more impactful, by way of forced editing and clarity, if Thailand could follow Japan's suit by making 10- to 12-episode series with 30-minute episodes.

The Dr. Ter storyline was over before it actually, really ended, in, what episode was that, 9 or 10. It was over! Why drag it out? In Japan, that storyline would have been two episodes, mayyybe three, MAX. Shirasu Jin was barely in Kieta Hatsukoi for an episode before he was banished. Takeda Kouhei barely made it through two episodes of Minato's Laundromat 2 before he went bye bye! We don't need these middling dudes. There was enough happening with Dee and Yak to not need this Ter shit! Sorry, LOVE YOU PODD, but Ter was made irrelevant so early on, and then they actually had to work together on a huge case?! And NOW HE'S CHEESING ON TAEM? Like, no. We don't need this.

2) There's still a lot of confusion and conflict between Dee and Yak by last week's episode 11. Dee's got issues receiving love! This is big.

(By the way. Showing Dee ONE video of his parents cheesing on him as a newborn is NOT THE WAY to explain away future parental neglect as an older child. YIKES.)

I love that Yak wants to invest in Dee, and we do see Dee doing a lot of reciprocating there to Yak, but this parental neglect reveal, along with still not knowing enough about the back story of Dee's parents dying, is out of order and not helpful to me getting enough knowledge about Dee for me to feel a holistic sympathy towards him. This makes me wonder if romance is really Golf Tanwarin's bag: if Golf didn't have to focus so much on the DeeYak/YakDee romance, could we have gotten better emotional representations of these guys, gotten a better picture of WHO THEY ARE, before they got into each other? Maybe? I dunno.

3) Considering that homophobia in systems seems to be a theme that Golf is interested in, why did the show drop Yak's concern about being out vis à vis his boxing career? Showing up at the hospital early on, in front of Ter's people, was already a big risk that wasn't given consideration; and now Dee's gone ahead and put the big pre-match smooch on full display by episode 11! I know Yak's gone full tilt for Dee, but I think we needed to put a bow on Yak's early macro-level concerns about being out for that loop to be closed.

[I feel like I have similar concerns here about 23.5 as well, so I'd like GMMTV to know (REMEMBER BAD BUDDY????) that you can have romance and big social commentary in a show at the same time without sacrificing lovely, intimate moments. Neither 23.5 nor Wandee Goodday needed to scrap heavy emotional moments for social media memeable clickbait.]

TL;DR this show, this script, could have been so good, there was so much there by way of storylines.

ANY FUCKING WAY.

PROS

1)

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHOW WENT HERE WITH THOR. THIS IS DISSONANCE, THIS IS CONFUSING! THIS IS MAGNIFICENT.

And the follow-up scene with the FABULOUS Fluke Nattanon. Fucking Thor. He's so good. They're so wasted in this show!

2) Great Sapol and Inn Sarin. There's a con here: the elephant pants do nothing for Great's butt. But otherwise, Great, and Inn as well, are DELIGHTS. THEY ARE GOOD ACTORS. They are wasted on this script. I hope they never work together on a GMMTV show again. If they're ever paired again (which I hope they're NOT, down with the ships), I hope they can get cast in a big ol' queer lakorn, à la JamFilm, and escape the need for the meme moments.

The thing is, about Wandee Goodday, is that if you admit you're into the show FOR THE DUDES, then I get why this show is watchable (AND IT'S WHY I'M FINISHING IT, GODDAMNIT), because the actual intimate moments ARE lovely. They're just not coherent with everything that we should know about these guys by the end of a series, and that makes me sad.

Anyway, this show ends this week, and that's it! I wish GMMTV's shop had had the WG items in stock when I was there in person; fuck these shipping fees, I want the Phadetseuk shirt so bad! If I had known this would be a kind of light and fluffy watch, I would have set my expectations WAAAYYY differently, and I would have likely had a better time watching this. As it stands now, I'm better suited to enjoy the finale, so I'm glad I got these complaints out of my system, and I'll say sayonara to all these dudes in full ogle mode later this week.

[lesbiansforangusmcdonald]

Ok, finals are over, so now I can FINALLY post my Pepe Sylvia theory about Porter actually being evil that has been ruminating in my head ever since I saw season 2! (spoilers for s2 of fantasy high, obviously)

(sorry if someone’s talked about it before and I couldn’t find it, but like WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS BEFORE S3!)

Ok, so I noticed something when Ragh talked about the first time he saw Kalina in episode 4 of season 2 (“Heartache on the Celestine Sea”). He says that he saw Jace talking to some elven woman (who is revealed to be Adaine’s mom, Arianwen) and to “someone he couldn’t see. I just assumed somebody was invisible.” This is most likely Kalina, as Arianwen was there to get the Nightmare King’s crown and Kalina could have been helping her do that. However, this is important because, since Ragh could obviously see Kalina later on, this is a point in time when he couldn’t see Kalina.

Then Ragh says that after he saw that, Jace and Porter came to talk to him, and “Porter did some barbarian healing with me.” This seems normal enough, as Ragh had just been in a huge fight, but Ragh stipulates that “I didn’t feel that injured, honestly.” So this line already makes it seem as though Porter may have had some ulterior motive for healing Ragh.

Then, Ragh says that as he was walking home after this, he was approached by Kalina, who threatened to kill his mom if he said anything about seeing Arianwen at the school.

(the clip of the scene is here, if you wanna watch it, edited slightly for clarity)

So this makes me think that Jace and Porter knew Ragh saw Arianwen at the school, knew he would probably tell the Bad Kids about it, and Porter intentionally passed Kalina to Ragh through healing in order to ensure his silence.

AND if you’re thinking this may be a bit far-fetched, I’ll remind you that Landren Leir, the cleric of the unnamed goddess who infiltrated the elven Galicaean church after the fall of the unnamed goddess, also passed on Kalina via healing of the high-elven clergy, which she was then murdered for.

But in order to pass it on to Ragh at all, Porter must have been infected with Kalina as well, so here are some of my theories of what that could mean;

1. Porter had no idea he was infected and was just trying to heal a student.

I mean, totally possible, right? From most of the other angles, Porter seems like a decent guy; he supports Fig in barbarian class, he’s part of a community at his local gym, and he did get sucked into a palimpsest when Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was trying to take over the school — why would that happen if Porter wouldn’t have been opposed to what Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was doing? And there are plenty of people who are infected with Kalina and never show any symptoms, and therefore never know. It could have been totally innocent. BUT it’s just a little too convenient, isn’t it? Ragh sees Arianwen at the school, and then right after he’s “randomly” infected with Kalina? It just doesn’t seem like a coincidence.

2. Porter knew he was passing Kalina onto Ragh, but wasn’t aware of the full plot to steal the Nightmare King’s crown.

I mean, also possible, right? Maybe Jace put Porter up to it, maybe he knew more than Porter did about the whole situation? Porter wasn’t initially mentioned as talking to Arianwen, maybe Jace just manipulated Porter because he knew that Ragh would trust Porter as his teacher. BUT I think that it would be kind of weird for Porter to be in the school, be infected, be around all of these other people who are in on this wider plot, but they don’t get him involved. Maybe they thought he wouldn’t go for it, thought he was too nice, but I’m not sure. I mean, I think this theory has more merit than the first one, like it’s possible, just would be a little weird.

3. Porter was in on the plot to bring back the Nightmare King.

I mean. Like I know this may not be another Loose Duke situation. But it’s possible! Like, he’s in the right positions! He works at the school. He has the trust of some of the bad kids. He didn’t openly support Kalvaxis or anything he did. Maybe their larger organization (which they do hint that there are more people throughout the world that want to bring back the nightmare king throughout the campaign) thought that he should lay low and hold onto the trust of the bad kids, just wait until the right time to strike. Again, the fact that he would knowingly put a student, one of HIS barbarian students, in such serious danger, in order to protect the larger interest of bringing back the Nightmare King, does not stack up well against him.

So, do I think that Porter will end up being the big bad of season 3, or even the elusive season 4? No, probably not. BUT I do think that he’s sus as fuck and we need to stay on our toes, because he could turn out to be more of a threat with the right opportunities.

[a-couple-of-notes]

So the interview with Jac Schaeffer on Episode 5 dropped, and honestly, even though I've still got some reservations on the episode itself, it definitely helped clarify some things. Spoilers for what she says under the cut.

The trial was real, and it was really Agatha's. I think this is the right choice; it would have felt cheap to make it all a vision. I still don't quite know why the aspect ratio didn't change--perhaps Schaeffer's still hiding something? Or maybe it was different because Agatha herself is different, separate from the main four elements?

Alice is really dead (but that's "not the end of the conversation"). This sucks, but it makes sense. Per the interview and the new midseason trailer, they are shifting the tone the way I thought they might, and Alice was the sacrifice for that. Sorry, Alice. I suspect you'll come back when they want to explore how Rio's grim reaper stuff works, and maybe at the end of the road.

They passed the trial because they fulfilled the stated goal of the trial: to punish Agatha. I don't think this was the Road's most helpful goal to get Agatha over her trauma, but I am interested in what Schaeffer says about what the punishment was: "she’s put in a situation where she kills one of her own coven members and then has to look in the faces of the rest of her coven." (emphasis mine). Agatha as a character runs from consequences; she misdirects, performs, pretends. And although the murder of her original coven was accidental and traumatic and born of abuse, Agatha does have to face that she's since hurt and killed lots of people, not all of them bad. She has to feel the weight of it now. That's an important step in the audience and Agatha herself discovering who she really is underneath it all.

Schaeffer confirms a lot of the stuff I've been thinking about: the pacing was at least partially meant to enhance the action and emotion of the characters. They're swinging into a different tone, which is why Alice has got to go. They wanted to juxtapose the coven's ability to bond (scar comparisons) with their instincts to be selfish and stab each other in the back.

On some level, there are always going to be things creators cut and then wish they didn't, interpretations that surface that the writers' room didn't account for. Schaeffer explains that they cut exposition for emotion, and that the audience for this show is really intelligent, but "I think this viewership doesn’t actually want to get into a clear rhythm."

Which, I did want a rhythm, thanks so much, but I get it. I think this episode maybe edited itself into a corner, where they're relying on the audience to do the kind of work that I'm doing right now instead of expositing clearly in-episode; and the episode was meant to break the formula, but the pace was already so blistering from the exposition cuts that it wasn't clear how much of the formula they meant to break. And without the clarity of the entire series, it felt so weird it became almost unreal.

[devondespresso]

Mr. Crayola Henderson

T | 1791 words | ao3 link | cw: minor ableism from a side character, also they swear, I always forget f-bombs bother some people sorry guys | STWG Prompt: Telling a story to get out of trouble

EDIT: I NEARLY FORGOT thank you @pearynice my beloved for the brainstorming GENIUS and @hairstevington for the sensitivity read! You guys are awesome!! Also thank you @saradika-graphics for making free dividers!!

((little bit of context for extra clarity: this universe is vaguely canon divergent, post season 2. Steve is hoh (hard of hearing) and already adopted by the Hendersons, and in this one they're in the middle of a sort of family reunion/gathering))

Steve went to duck inside the house, holding the door open for Aunt Tracy on her way back out into the backyard where the majority of the gathering was taking place. She smiled and said something, probably just a thank you that he would’ve heard if the batteries in his hearing aids hadn’t died. He smiled back at her and gestured to his ear and she nodded again with a smile that did its best to not be patronizing.

She left and Steve went inside, sighing a little and tried to not hold it against her, the lack of filter seemed to run in the family, but it was moments like that that made him grateful his mom was the most laid-back of the Henderson women.

Steve went over to the media room and dug through the little bin of batteries under the phone, pulling out an opened pack that had just enough left. He took both aids off, changed the batteries, and put them back on to make sure they worked.

He heard a strong thud from his bedroom, followed by muttering.

Steve put the dead batteries down on top of the table and stared at his bedroom door. The muttering escalated to hushed bickering.

Steve walked closer to the door, hearing the bickering more clearly, then opened the door.

Dustin and their cousin Aiden both jumped and turned to look at the door, Dustin relaxing when he saw it was him. Steve paused for a second, looking at both of them crouched on the ground, bright pink paint on their hand and clothes and the carpet around them with no bottle in sight.

Steve leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Dustin.

“We were just… snooping through your shit. ” Dustin said.

Steve glanced back down at the paint everywhere, and gave him a look.

Dustin just smiled like a little angel, which worked on mom and maybe Steve-from-two-years-ago, but not now.

“Oh no, you found my secret stash of… bubblegum pink paint.” he deadpanned.

“The cheap kiddy bubblegum pink paint.” Dustin corrected, looking down at the carpet. “It’ll wash out.”

“Of course.” He looked over to Aiden, who had relaxed significantly as he realized Steve wasn’t going to blow up on them. “And… why is there totally washable pink paint in my room specifically? Weren’t you guys sticking to dicking around outside to avoid doing stuff like this?”

Aiden opened his mouth to give a better excuse, but Dustin started tapping his shoulder excessively to get his attention.

“He’d help us.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, not arguing because odds were good he’d end up doing something, but he still played it up like he wasn’t already planning to.

Aiden was turned mostly towards Dustin and muttered something he couldn’t catch, throwing a glance at Steve.

“Trust me, this is like a walk in the park compared to–” Dustin said.

“Hardly a fair comparison, man.” Steve interrupted. 

“–compared to the other shit he’s helped me with.”

Aiden thought about it, then glanced towards Steve. “And he's not going to jump ship afterwards and get us in trouble?” 

“Of course not, right Steve?”

Steve looked at the two of them and ran a hand over his face.

“You know step one of not getting in trouble for stupid shit is not starting stupid shit, right?”

Aiden groaned but Dustin agreed immediately, “Yes, 100% understood.”

Dustin elbowed Aiden, and he nodded despite his clear annoyance. 

Dustin smiled and looked at Steve.

He rubbed his temple one last time before throwing his hand down.

“Okay. Step two then.”

Dustin jumped up and shot him a thanks before running around him towards the kitchen. Steve watched him go then turned back to Aiden who looked just as confused.

“What’s he doing?”

“I don't know.” Aiden lied, looking at him curiously, “What's step two?”

“Find me and let me finish the stupid shit.”

“Huh.” 

Dustin came running back with a slice of deli-meat in one hand.

“Dustin, this isn’t looking much better than last time.”

Dustin paused his mad dash for just a second to look at him.

“It’s significantly better, I swear.” he said, then ran to sit back down, dropping the slice of meat on the floor in front of him, and waited.

After a few seconds of nothing, a fuzzy little white face poked out from under his bed. Cautiously, a opossum with pink paint splashed on its back came waddling out. It sniffed at the food given to him, nibbled at it, then opened its mouth as wide as it could to awkwardly chomp at its new snack.

It was a wild animal, Dustin brought in a wild animal inside, during a family gathering with some of the most worry-wart mothers he’s ever met–

But god, the tiny opossum was really fucking cute.

Dustin beamed at the little guy like a proud mom, then up at Steve. Steve shook his head in disbelief and joined them carefully around the opossum. He picked up the deli meat and placing it on his hand to get the little guy used to it.

“You’re crazy, Henderson, you’re fucking crazy.” He grumbled, playing up annoyance to avoid losing his better judgment. 

Dustin said something probably cheeky as hell, but he didn’t catch it.

“One more time.” he said, looking away from the opossum for just a second.

“And what does that make you, Henderson?” Dustin smiled, definitely cheeky.

“Reluctantly, also fucking crazy.” he sighed, shaking his head before moving the deli meat further up his hand to lead little Mr. Opossum onto it.

He lifted Opossum gently, letting it have the rest of the deli meat so he could use two hands to hold it steady. He stood up slowly, and started walking towards the bathroom.

Dustin and Aiden went around him to get the door, lights, and sink ready– apparently, to continue where they left off. There were pink handprints around the edge of the sink and a bottle of dish soap sat next to the hand soap.

“Wow, I wonder what happened here.” Steve deadpanned. He looked over at the both of them, not a hint of guilt in their eyes. “And this is why there aren’t two Dustin Hendersons.” he bitched with no real anger, and set Mr. Opossum down gently in the sink.

 “You mean this is why there aren’t two Aiden Haults.” Aiden said, leaning over the sink.

“Nope, Dustin gets the credit for this one.”

Steve closed the drain to make a pool of water and Opossum gravitated to it immediately, taking a drink before waddling into the pool and almost rolling in the water to get his fur wet.

Steve tried and failed to bite back a smile.

“His name is Sir Crayolan.” Dustin said.

Steve had no choice but to bark out a laugh.

“Sir what?”

“Sir Crayolan.”

“Oh god, I heard you correctly.”

“It’s a great name!”

“You know Sir Crayolan isn't staying, right?”

“Yeah, we were gonna let him go after we washed him, we just–” 

Aiden muttered something and tugged on his sleeve, pointing out the bathroom doorway towards the back door.

Just out of the window, Aunt Tracy was caught in conversation with someone, looking like she was laughing, but clearly stopped just before she was going to come inside. Steve quickly rinsed some of the minimal paint on his fingers, careful not to scare Mr. Crayola or whatever.

“Does she know you’re in here?”

“No, we hid in your room–”

“Good, you guys wash him, carefully and quietly, I’ve got the rest.” He whispered, wiping his hands off on a towel.

“You’re the best, Steve.” Dustin said, giving him a quick side hug to avoid getting paint on him.

“Oh really? I’m gonna need that in writing.” He smiled and Dustin stuck out his tongue. Steve returned the gesture and slipped out of the bathroom, straight across the hall and into his bedroom.

He turned off the lights immediately to hide the pink mess on his floor and waited to hear the front door. 

He heard Aunt Tracy’s laughing rather than the actual door open, heard her wave off whoever it was she was talking to through the door. He took one hearing aid off before he walked out of his room, closing the door behind him. He made his way back to the abandoned dead batteries and put his aid back on, messing with it a little longer than strictly necessary.

“Oh, Steve, there you are. Everything okay?” she said, joining him by the tv room. 

“Yeah, just had to find batteries. What’s up?” 

“Oh yes, well– now, I know I could be overreacting, but I haven’t seen Aiden anywhere for– oh, for god knows how long–”

“He was with Dustin earlier–”

“I know, I know, but they were near those woods weren’t they? And you know there were those missing kids stories–”

“Trust me, I know.” he said, dropping the dead batteries into their battery jar. “I can help you search for them if you want, but I don’t think Dustin’s ever gotten lost. He carries around a compass like it's his wallet. Worst case scenario? They’re messing around in the woods somewhere a little too far away and they’ll come running back once they realize we started eating hotdogs without them.”

“God, you know Claudia said the same thing, I just worry…”

“Ron just lit the grill, right? Let’s give them twenty minutes,” he checked his watch, “Until five… five fifteen-ish. If nobody sees them, I’ll help you look.”

“Twenty minutes, alright, I’ll tell Claudia.” She said, and circled back to the door.

“I’ll join you guys in a second, I’m grabbing a coke.” he called, jutting a thumb back towards the kitchen.

She called something back with a wave and Steve just waved back until she disappeared out the door. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a cold can for himself and a diet pepsi for mom, then circled back to the bathroom.

He checked over his shoulder once real quick before tapping on the door and opening his coke.

Aiden answered the door, cracking it open just enough to stand in the doorway.

“You got all that, yeah?”

“Twenty minutes, we’ve been exploring in the woods.”

“Yup. Release your critter out the front door and circle around. I am not joining a search party for you guys today.”

Aiden nodded and gave him an overserious salute. Steve threw a more casual one back.

“Tell Mr. Crayola I said ‘bye’.” he said, then turned around to leave as Dustin came to the opossum’s defense. He hid his smile by taking a sip of his coke, and went back out the door.

(obligatory disclaimer uhhh dont pick up wild opossums please ok thanks guys love ya)

[darksvster]

Hi, I usually only send asks to people on anon, but I really wanted to say that I am so sorry this fandom has been so awful to you and made what should have been a fun and cool thing such a negative experience. I will be sad not to see the rest of the scripts, but I hope stopping the posts gives you some peace 💙

thanks for the kind words, honestly i need them right now. after some consideration, i've come to make a decision on how i want to operate moving forward.

as of now i've permanently deleted my scheduled posts on twitter, i won't be posting anything there anymore.

for tumblr, i removed everything from my queue and they're sitting in my drafts, but i may just post the excerpts i like this weekend.

on the whole, i'm taking a big step back from this fandom. i've met a lot of nice people here and made friends, but the loud voices of some of the worst people here just make this an overall unenjoyable experience. for my own mental health, i think it's important to simply cut off the opportunity for people to engage with me directly.

to give some clarity, this is not just about people doubting my posts. i find those to be funny since i have never made it a secret where i get my scripts from, people just seem to be unwilling to read or do research. i actually do have one single image of a script on my phone that the librarian okayed me to photograph. but i forgot about it while making edits and now i simply don't want to post it. (i thought i didn't copy down daemon asking for rhaenyra's hand in episode 4, apparently, i was wrong and just forgot about the picture.)

this is about people calling me awful names, accusing me of pedophilia, because that's everyone's favorite word to use in this fandom, and insulting my friends when i won't respond to them.

it's about people who seem to think i deserve harassment because i put myself out there. it's about people who think i'm just too engaged and need to be more "zen" about fandom and the insults being hurled my way. it's about people who feel entitled to my posts and regularly demand greedily that i post about their favorite character already.

it's also about people cozying up to me one minute and then calling me names the next. it makes it really hard to trust anyone in this fandom, much less want to befriend them. i shouldn't have to get used to people suddenly popping up in my dms trying to befriend me after finding out that i could be a "source" for them, but i did and that's on me.

i said before that if i stopped this project i would expose everyone who was an asshole to me. the hilarious fact is that it would literally be too many screenshots of people acting like the worst type of people. all the things i listed above are from multiple people across multiple platforms. it's not just twitter, or tumblr, or discord, or reddit. it's the fact that these people exist literally in every corner of this fandom that makes me want to pull back completely.

i'll keep contributing in the areas where i enjoy contributing, but i'm done engaging with people who seem to view me as entertainment or a punching bag.

to people who have defended me without knowing me, or have simply just been polite, thanks so much. it really does help even if i don't reply to every kind word.

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

What advantages do you think that three simple eyes would bring for a humanoid cat-like creature over having two eyes?

well, let's first define what a simple eye is!

(image description: diagram comparing four different types of eyes. the first only has a flat lens and neural retina. the second has a lens pit and optic cup. the third has a flat cornea, a small round lens, and a curved retina. the final eye has a curved cornea, larger round lens, and a curved retina with the optic nerve in the middle. end description.)

I'm taking this diagram from this article on eyes.

complex eyes like what most mammals have are great because they focus better and create more visual clarity, especially with the addition of color cones! less color cones and more rods to detect light is better for night vision but does not produce as clear an image as an eye with color cones alongside the rods.

and if by "simple eye" you mean one of the two eye types on the top of this diagram, then i'm sorry to say that there is no number of them that you can add to be more advantageous for a cat-like humanoid over the complex eyes cats and humans already have. you could add them while also keeping the complex eyes! there are some amphibians like that, such as giant salamanders. the only thing simple eyes actually do is detect light. they're not good at creating a full image of any sort. your cat humanoid with simple eyes instead of complex eyes will be functionally blind compared to a cat humanoid with complex eyes. if their lifestyle revolves around mostly reacting to changes in light and shadow to inform them of food and predators nearby alongside their sense of smell, taste, and hearing, they will probably be able to live just fine and fill their own needs, but there really are no extra advantages in replacing the complex eyes with simple eyes.

if they have simple eyes on top of their head and complex eyes in the normal location, they will be able to react to changes of light overhead a little faster than someone without the bonus simple eyes. (also known as ocelli by the way) and that is about the only advantage i can think of.

EDIT: actually here is another article about the evolution of eyes, it might also be helpful

[steamberrystudio]

26/08/2024 Devlog

Hallo everyone!  Tumblr devlog time. Sorry I missed the last one. Sometimes I just miss the notification when it pops up. Sometimes I remember on the off week but don't want to throw off the schedule and end up just waiting for the next one to roll around.

Summary:

Finished Yren's Play test

Finished Raif's Play test

Finished Noel's Play test

Started Kav's Play test

Finally got the colour slider in the game with help from Windchimes

New music room (slightly redesigned)

New gallery screen

Bonus scene page

Wrote the rest of the ch1 bonus scenes

Got the affinity indicators coded

Multiple new BGs

Finished Yren's Ch 2 CG

Started Noel's Ch 2 CG

Worked on coding sprite expressions

Set affinity scoring up through Ch 5

Worked on the premium and public game guides

Writing/Playtesting:

I have been working on my own play test of the game which is essentially another round of reading and editing. Last time I said the script was 616,000 words. Well it's now 621,000 words. 

I'm not just cramming in filler. A lot of that is additional choice options. Sometimes I would find places where you went a really long time without choices. Others I would encounter a choice menu that had 3 options when it needed 5 or 6 options (one for each LI).

Adding menus and choice options can increase your word count pretty rapidly so that is where most of the increase has happened.

I'm also fixing a lot of small continuity issues. This usually results in a small variation or callback being added into the script for clarity or to correct a seeming contradiction. For instance, at one point I realised that I  needed an additional variation in Ch 5 to account for a game state that wasn't accounted for in the existing options. And I had to do it for all 6 LIs. Which meant that a 200 word variation became a 1200 word addition to the word count.

So yeah, those things add up fast when you have 6 LIs.

I am continuing to work on this. And I will do one full play test of everyone's "best" ending before beta testers touch it.

I also have decided to add in "bonus scenes" these will basically unlock at the end of some chapters. Some of these will be POV scenes and some will be other scenes and content told from the MC's point of view. These are just extra scenes that I think help flesh out the characters and relationships but really didn't fit into the main story because you just...can't fit everything in the main story. I will be writing any bonus content as I work on the episodes and as I get ideas for them.

I don't have any specific rules I'm going to hold myself to for bonus content. They're just fun extras. They may be quite short in some cases. The ones for Chapter 1 are 1400 or so words.

Art:

Art wise, I've received new BGs - they're about 90% done at this point.

I also completed Yren's CG and started on Noel's. Raif's is already done, Kav doesn't get one for Ch 2.

So yeah. Getting those completed bit by bit.

Other Stuff:

Lots of other stuff. 

We managed to get the colour slider set up for Wil's sprite (we being me and my friend from Windchimes games). This required re-colouring the original sprite and original CG for Wil in greyscale and then coding in everything necessary to have Wil colourised by Ren'py rather than by  me.

As you can see from this Wil's hair and eyes are not colourised. Wil's eyes being silver/grey are just kind of a plot element and is related to their species. And while I contemplated having Wil's hair be on a slider too the reality is that the hair styles were not designed to be colourised in this way and some of them don't look as good. Particularly the curly hair which doesn't have strong outlines or, really the same type of shading to give it depth. Some colours looked quite good on it and others looked quite bad.

I tried redrawing that hair half a dozen times to see if I could make it look better while retaining the same overall look and feel and it just was not possible. I could have redone the hair but frankly. I didn't want to. And some of the other styles didn't look *amazing* recoloured. They were just okay.

I think if I want to revisit the slider in the future then I just need to approach the art with that in mind versus trying to add it to art not designed for it.

But in any case, Wil having only black/silver options was also originally with intent so I don't mind keeping with that set up.

In terms of other features that are finally in game we have affinity indicators, a newly designed music room, the bonus scene page, the gallery screen and things like that.

I did the affinity scoring up through Chapter 5 which is when the route gets locked in. That was primarily so I could test that section properly. But yeah. That's done.

And I've been working on coding sprite expressions. If you have been following me for a while you know that sprite expressions are an *ordeal* for me.

I have a lot of expressions coded in which means I tend to change the expression every 1-4 lines - especially for the main character. Gilded Shadows had about 6500 expression changes per route. Including the common route, that's about 60,000 expression changes coded manually. Which is a lot.

About half of those probably...were Morgan. She is on screen more than anyone else, of course. All the narration is her internal dialogue. She is on screen for it and her expressions are changing based on what she's thinking.

WSC is very much the same.

So the expressions are a lot.

I got Wil's expressions completed through Chapter 2. This chapter is about 50,000 words and of course I've been working on a ton of other things so I've only dedicated an hour or two a day to work on expressions. It's very tedious. It's also impossible to not edit as you go because you have to read the script line by line to decide what expressions people are using. Inevitably you see typos and stuff that you fix as you do expressions.

So it's just kind of a time sink that isn't *difficult* but does tend to take some time.

Upcoming Weeks:

My huge checklist has become smaller and smaller over the last few weeks.

The main things now are...CG creation, flowchart set up, coding expressions and getting my play test done. 

Those are kind of the things that have to get done before Episode 1 can go to beta testers on Patreon.

There are always features and elements I consider big milestones when they get ticked off the main list. The colourised sprite was one of the remaining "big ones" - the flowcharts are another.

Anyway, that is all for this update. I will hopefully see you all again in *two weeks* this time.

(I swear I need a less easy-to-miss reminder). LoL

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: can't believe it's been over a year since I updated this story. It was one of the first I ever posted but quickly got disheartened by it as I tried to follow the show's timeline (which is non-existent, honestly). I'm trying to get through season 6 as fast as I can because I've already written chapters for afterward, but I need to tie it into the show. Honestly considered putting the story on hold but I got the chapter done 😊😊 Also need to go back and edit this story, especially regarding the POV

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As if by divine intervention, (Y/N)’s phone started ringing. The vibrations matched the fluttering of her heart as she prayed that Hotch could have been thinking about her at that moment as well. Maybe then she could trick herself into believing that fate was playing its cards right.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Derek,” she sighed quietly, trying her best not to voice her disappointment. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“You mind some company for tonight? I got a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”

“Know what? After the day we just had, sure.” She looked down at the pan of lasagna and decided if she couldn’t enjoy it with Hotch, she’d enjoy it with a friend. “I’ve got some lasagna going in the oven we can eat.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.”

After the phone clicked, she decided the most prudent thing would be to send Hotchner a text message thanking him for the food and saying she’d update him on everything tomorrow. After everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she needed a moment of calm and clarity. A moment with certainty rather than mixed signals and stolen glances. She just needed a moment to breathe.

As any evidence of the day shed from her skin in the shower, a loud knock rang through the house. She quickly stepped out of her bathroom and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before she ran down the stairs to be met with Derek already inside the kitchen, digging a fork into the piping hot lasagna, with Spencer staring at our friend as he ate like a maniac.

“You know, if you let it cool down a bit, you can savor the taste,” Reid chuckled.

“I know,” he spoke with a full mouth. “But I wanna get drunk tonight, and I won’t do it on an empty stomach.”

“There’s some garlic bread in the toaster oven if you need something that will soak up the alcohol,” (Y/N) laughed as her two friends came into view in her kitchen. “And it’s good to see you’re putting those emergency keys to good use.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Spencer responded quickly. “Derek said you wouldn’t mind. We waited five minutes outside.”

“It’s fine, Reid. But you could’ve checked who was at the door.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstep,” he shrugged. “It’s not my house after all.”

“Good to know you have boundaries, Reid,” she chuckled. “Not that they stopped either of you from letting yourselves in.”

Derek only grumbled in response, too focused on serving the plates and stuffing his mouth. (Y/N) headed to the front door, unsure of who else could have decided to drop by. And though a part of her wanted it to be Hotchner, she knew better than to live in that delusion. He was back in his home with his son, while she had a house full of friends and him on her mind.

“‘Em,” the woman smiled as she opened the door. “Derek invite you too?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. But I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t use your emergency key as freely as those two boys.”

“Well, you did say we should feel at home,” Morgan grinned. “I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“First time you follow the rules, Morgan,” Emily teased. “Although I’d rather you guys break into (Y/N)’s house than mine.”

“Geez, thanks, Em,” she chuckled. “You’re lucky there’s enough food and booze to go around. But don’t go too crazy. We still have work tomorrow.”

“As if you’d ever let us go hungry,” Emily laughed. “Your Italian blood would never let you.”

“All I need to know is if there’s anyone else that will show up out of the blue.”

“Not that I know of,” Derek shrugged. “Now open up that bottle, I’m thirsty.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Emily and Derek had gone back home. They had eaten enough and drank enough the exhaustion was making their eyelids flutter. And all of them knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to make it back to their homes. Only Spencer was left, curled up on the sofa, still nursing the same glass of whiskey from the start of the night. His eyes were squeezed shut, a hand over them blocking the overhead light.

“You okay, Spence?” (Y/N) asked as she sat by his head, resting it gently onto her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, massaging his scalp softly. “You got a migraine?”

“Something like that,” he sighed. “They’ve been going on for a bit, but lately, they’ve been worse. The pain is unbelievable, and it makes me sensitive to everything around me.”

“Have you gone to a doctor? This could be something serious, Spence,” she worried. “I have a friend that might be able to squeeze you in. She’s a neurologist and…”

“I’ve got it handled, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I made an appointment for later in the week. I just have to power through the remaining days with sunglasses and pills.”

As soon as he mentioned the pain, a question popped into (Y/N)’s head that she did not want to ask. It was composed of words that could only bring back horrors from his past and the mistakes he was still paying for to that day. The last thing she wanted was to resurface that horrible period, but she had to know. For his sake, she just had to.

“I haven’t taken Dilaudid,” he said before she could speak. “It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

“How did you…?”

“You were thinking too loud,” he responded as he grinned slightly, his eyes still closed. “And you’re the only one that still asks.”

“I’m sorry, Spence. I don’t mean to be so pushy, she sighed as she stared at the way her fingers ran through the brown of his hair. “If you don’t want time to ask, just…”

“No. I’m grateful that you do.” His free hand searched for hers, squeezing it softly as he enjoyed the warmth of her skin. “I sometimes feel that the team goes out of their way to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen or that it could never happen again. But it did, and it could. Still, I know I can always count on you to look after me, (Y/N). Even if I’m a couple of years older than you, you always find a way to take care of me.”

“And I always will, Reid. You’re a part of my family, and I take care of my family,” she responded softly. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? If it’s too bad, I don’t want you driving out there in the dark.”

���Honestly? Yeah,” Spencer breathed. “I don’t think I could make it home right now.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you head on up and take a shower while I prepare you some tea and get you a cold compress for your head?” (Y/N) instructed. “You can take any of the sweats from the guest room, and I’ll fetch you some migraine pills so you can hopefully get some shut-eye tonight.”

“Thanks, Rossi,” the man smiled, finally allowing his eyes to open, finding that she had dimmed all the lights. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you’ll never have to find out,” she smiled. “Now, go on upstairs, and I’ll get started on the tea.”

“Fine,” he jokingly whined. “And can you not tell anyone else? I don’t want them worrying about me.”

“I won’t. Just, please keep me updated.”

“Copy that.”

As he disappeared to the second floor, (Y/N) couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Spencer had gone through things that were unimaginable. And though he came out of them with his life, they had slowly started to eat away at him. She knew firsthand just how debilitating anxiety could be to someone’s body, and it concerned her that he was downplaying his symptoms.

She set her kettle to boil as she searched for her own mixture of sleepy-time tea—chamomile, lemongrass, peppermint, and lavender. From her cupboard, she pulled out the purple and blue mug Spencer had always used since he had claimed it was able to keep his tea warm enough to sip slowly. Because apparently it had always been a big concern of his. After placing the tea infuser into the mug, she drizzled a few circles of honey to the bottom and a sprinkle of cinnamon. And once the kettle beeped, she drowned the leaves and the honey in boiling water.

(Y/N) could hear the shower running upstairs as she let the tea seep into the water, and all she could do was worry. Granted, it was something she did every single day of her life. She worried about her father spending all his time in books and his work and not enough on his personal life. She worried about little Jack having to grow up without his mother and a dad who didn’t quite believe he could do a good job as a father. She worried about Hotch, about what he did or didn’t feel. She worried about the team every time they went out on a case. And most importantly, she worried about herself and how she would ever live up to the people around her. Now, she added Spencer’s migraines to the list. If she ever made it to old age without a heart attack, she would have been very surprised.

Walking up the stairs with the mug and the pills, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She balanced the mug on the flat handrail and pulled out the device to see Hotchner’s name lighting up the screen. Her heart hammered against her chest, making her hands tremble with nerves. It was just a phone call., she told herself. He was probably only calling to thank her again.

“Hotch,” she breathed, her voice croaking more than she intended. “Hey.”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No!” she answered quickly. “I was just heading up the stairs. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” he assured. “It’s just that Jack wanted to say goodnight and thank you.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for him to be up?” (Y/N) smiled. “I mean, it is still a school night.”

“I caved,” Hotch chuckled. She could hear the exhaustion still present in his voice, and all she wanted to do was help him. It was all she could do. To him, she’d always be just a friend, a coworker, his colleague’s daughter. “Please don’t hold it against me.”

“I could never,” the woman laughed. “I would have probably caved too.”

“Well, then, I’ll put you on.”

(Y/N) heard scuffling from the receiver before Jack’s voice came through. “Hi, (Y/N),” he said. “I wanted to say goodnight since we couldn’t say goodbye to you. I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

“Aw, buddy, I’m glad,” she cooed. “I loved having you over. You know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” he beamed. “But I gotta go to bed now. I have school tomorrow. So, goodnight!”

“Good night, Jack,” she responded. “Now, why don’t you pass the phone back to your dad.”

“Alright. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Jack,” she chuckled. “I think that kid should be heading off to bed now, Hotch.”

“He is,” Hotchner answered. “I knew he’d want to after saying good night to you. I think my son likes you more than he likes me.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense, Hotch. He only likes that I’m all fun. But he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

“Even when you don’t have to,” the woman sighed contentedly. “Now, go on. You have to sleep too. It’s not just Jack that is up past his bedtime.”

“Very funny, (Y/N). Good night.”

“Night, Hotch.”

(Y/N)’s chest wrenched as her heart accelerated, already wishing the days before could repeat themselves so she could wake and know that he was there. But there was no point in deluding herself. The man could not and would not ever see her as anything more than what she already was. Even their job would allow it. Nothing seemed to ever align for something between them to work.

She turned to the left once she reached the top of the stairs and headed to the guest room to leave the steaming mug for Spencer to find after his shower but found him already sitting on the bed drying his hair. “Was that Hotch on the phone?” She nodded in response. “You didn’t tell him about what’s going on with me, right?”

“Of course not, Spence,” she said in a low tone as she set the mug on the nightstand. “It’s not my information to divulge. Unless it becomes life-threatening, I won’t say a thing without your permission.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she smiled, handing him the pills. “Anything.”

“What do you think these migraines could be?” The pain behind his eyes was more than visible, it was almost palpable. “I just… what if it’s something serious, (Y/N)?”

“Serious like what, Spence?”

“What if I’m starting to lose my mind?” His voice was frail, trembling at the terrifying thought. “You know, my mom…”

“Don’t go there, Spencer. You can’t go there,” the woman insisted. “We won’t speculate until you have an answer from the doctor. So, I’m begging you, don’t go there.”

“I can’t help it, (Y/N). Either there’s something seriously physically wrong with me, or it’s all psychosomatic. Neither is a good option.”

“I know, Spence. I know. But let’s just not jump to conclusions yet. Not until you’ve gone to the doctor, and we get some type of answer. Until then, I don’t want you to think of the worst-case scenario. It’s not gonna do you any good.”

“Fine,” he sighed as his shoulders slumped forward. “Can I ask you something else? Something that is so off-topic you’ll get whiplash.”

“Go ahead, Reid,” she chuckled softly.

“Do you still have feelings for Hotch?”

The question as innocent, no ill-will behind it. But it still made (Y/N)’s breath hitch in her throat. It had been a long time since any of the people they knew mentioned her less-than-secret infatuation with the unit chief, and it made her heart race like the first time he had confronted her about it. “Yeah,” she muttered. “It’s not something that’s going away any time soon.”

“Have you ever thought of dating someone else? It might help you get over him.”

“I might not be ready for that just yet,” she sighed. “I just can’t seem to stop holding onto hope.”

“I understand. Love… it’s hard, huh?”

“It’s one thing we can’t learn from all the books we read,” she smiled sadly. “But that’s enough talk. The pills should start to work soon, and you need to sleep.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he smiled as he got under the covers. “Thank you for caring.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Spence. Again, you’re family,” she grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night, Reid.”

The rest of the night, Spencer’s words floated in her head. She could open her dating pool and allow herself a little venture. Hotch wasn’t waiting for her, nor had he shown a smidge of real interest in her. Holding onto him only hurt her in the long run, making it harder for anyone else who wanted to take the place he did not want. But she couldn’t. Not now. Not just yet.

After a couple of days and a two-night case all the way in Miami, Spencer asked (Y/N) to accompany him to the doctor for the reading of his test results. He was jumpier than usual, his legs bouncing at a rapid speed as they waited for his name to be called. He figured with his fingers, picking at the skin on the corners until she placed her hand on top.

“You won’t have any skin left for our next case,” she chuckled. “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, Mr. Genius.”

“I can’t help it,” he worried. “It’s all I can do. I can’t just shut off my brain.”

“Then, tell me something. Something I might not know.”

“Easier said than done,” he snorted. “You know almost as much as I do.”

“Ah, you said almost as much. So, you believe there are things that you know that I don’t.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “Did you know that rubber bands last longer if they’re kept in the fridge? The unusual, lightly cross-linked polymer structure of the rubber used to create them react to the cold differently to what people might expect…”

“Right, the chains heat up when stretched, technically shortening them causing the rubber to contract and eventually snapping at the exothermic change,” she mused. “Cooling them would allow for a bigger stretch and life longevity because the release of energy is slower. Nice fact.”

“See, it’s not as fun with you,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The team would have been asking why I would care about rubber bands. You? You go into a simple explanation of thermodynamics.”

“Well, I ask you for a fun fact. I never said I wouldn’t analyze it.”

As Spencer was about to retort, a nurse came out to call his name, telling him the doctor would see him. He got up onto his feet, smoothing down his pants and taking a steadying breath. But he didn’t seem to do more.

“Do you want me to go with you?” (Y/N) quickly offered.

She was met with a soft smile and a gentle nod before they both headed into the office where Spencer’s worst-case scenario unfolded. The doctor told him there was nothing he could see that was physically wrong with him, the scans and the lab work all came back negative. If there was something happening, it was most likely in his head.

Those were the news Spencer did not want. They terrified him, and he let the doctor know. In his own way. “It’s not—I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy? Dr. Reid, I’m not saying…”

“I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light. Because there’s something wrong with me,” he asserted, his words spilling out faster than he could hold them. “Physically, not mentally. It’s not that.”

“That?”

“Listen, doctor, my mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic who’s been institutionalized. So I know very well what mental illness looks like,” Spencer continued. “Maybe even better than you, and it’s not that. It’s not.”

“Reid,” (Y/N) called as the man got up from the exam table and left the doctor with a shocked expression on his face. “I am so sorry, doctor. This topic is just… it’s a little hard for him.”

“There’s not much you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to accept their reality,” the doctor sighed softly. “Can you just see that he finds a way to manage his stress and his emotions? I truly believe this might be one of the biggest reasons for these headaches.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for seeing him.”

“No problem.”

She found Spencer waiting for her in the hall, his sunglasses on his eyes and his arms crossed in front of his chest. They remained in silence until they reached her car, the doctor’s pout evident on his face. She knew he was annoyed she had apologized for his behavior, but she couldn’t leave without at least giving a reason for his outburst.

“It’s not psychosomatic,” he stated. “It just can’t be.”

“Spence, we have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. Day in and day out we see cases that astound even the most seasoned officers. And we get into the minds of the people that commit these atrocities,” she offered. “Don’t you think there is a possibility that these migraines are your body’s way of telling you that you need to balance yourself out?”

“If it was really the job like you say, all of us would be getting these headaches,” he said angrily. “But I don’t see Morgan or Prentiss doubling over because their brain feels like it wants to escape their skull.”

“Everyone is different, Spence. And I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Stress presents itself differently in everyone. Just because we don’t know how they handle their burdens doesn’t mean they don’t have them,” (Y/N) continued, maintaining the same calm tone as she cooled him down. “All I am saying, Reid, is that it might be psychosomatic, and you need to find new ways to handle your stress because I am certain this is not you going crazy. Or it might be something else, and you’ll need to get a second opinion. But regardless of what the outcome is, you can’t just get angry at your doctor because you don’t like your results, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you a way through this, okay?”

His stance finally softened at her words. His arms fell to his sides, and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I was kind of an ass back there,” he chuckled. “It’s just frustrating and terrifying all the same time, and I don’t know how to process it all.”

“We take it one day at a time, Reid,” she smiled, taking a hand of his in hers. “You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s sometimes hard to remember that you’re you get than me,” he snickered. “I’m pretty sure you’ve babied everyone on the team at some point.”

“What can I say?” she laughed. “I just wanna make sure every single one of you is okay.”

And that was one thing she knew she would do for as long as they would let her. For now, her main concern was Spencer’s well-being. And she was grateful that it was enough to keep Hotchner out of her head.

Next ->

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[dojunie]

fic progress update :3

misdial: working on the jaemin x reader prequel before getting into chapter 6 of misdial in earnest! so, techinically i’m still 'working on misdial', but not exactly a story continuation just yet... apologies for all my jeno luvrs, your time will come soon!

the lake house (njm misdial prequel, possible retitle coming): wordcount is at 27k currently (I KNOW! I KNOW! I’M SORRY!) and i’ve got about 5-7k left (...optimistically... it will probably could be more...) i must’ve written like 5k for this in the last three days alone because i’m very excited about it, so here’s to hoping the energy sticks up. i’m planning for this to be the next thing i upload!

messenger: is on baby hiatus! the outline is finished! just have to motivate myself to make the texts, LOL

courtside (itwd retitle, njm or ljn basketball au): wordcount is at 55k. this is my child, idk, i carry her around in my locket necklace like an old victorian lover, i write very sporadically for this (like 5k in one night or nothing for a month) which means she will not be coming out into the world for a while. but when i tell you this is on my mind every day. atp i’m genuinely thinking this fic might be like 80k plus

into you: indefinitely on hiatus……………… i think about her so often but im not happy with the way it flows at the moment, and i just do not have the energy rn to rework what i’ve already written (its at 9k) but i still really like the existing parts + the concept itself! its on hiatus, idk when i’ll sit down and work on it again, but i 100% plan to finish it

swimming for dummies: next on my wip roster after either i finish lake house (plus, or) misdial ch 6! currently at 32k? just need to wrap up the final scene and edit for flow and clarity before part 1 is done and potentially ready to post!

other info: looking at all these big number seems kind of ridic for how little i post, like im writing like crazy and just hoard it all instead of posting (if u do the math of the stuff above i have one hundred and twenty three thousand words of stuff in the works) but i promise you these things will be posted!!!! i luv writing. i luv dream. i am also just a perfectionist who cant upload something until it makes perfect sense + i am a serial editor, which means i have to reread + spot edit the whole fic every time i open the doc or i think i'll die. really slows the process down, unfort

anyway, i'm making this post so you don't think i've given up on some of these things!!! progress is being made, i pinky promise, but thank you all for sticking with me either way :D

[happyandticklish]

Exposure Therapy

Notes: Commission for an anonymous doner~ I haven’t had an opportunity to write for these dorks before, so I appreciate you giving me one! The fic itself is set several years in the future, so they’re both around sixteen in this for clarity’s sake. Hope you all enjoy! ^^

Summary: Stan’s crush on Kyle ends up having unforeseen side effects in the form of a sudden and rapid obsession with tickling his best friend. 

He wasn’t quite sure when it had become a problem, only that it had and that he needed to cut it out soon before he ended a nearly decade long friendship over this new weird obsession of his.

Kyle was ticklish. Obviously, Stan had known about this before. It was difficult not to notice it, in fact, as Cartman had made it his goal to antagonize the other with it for years of their childhood after he had found out. Back then it had just been another facet of Kyle’s being, nothing to pay too much mind to. It was just a piece of knowledge in the back of his brain.

Kyle was ticklish.

Then, they had gotten older and things had changed and that simple friendship had changed into what was most likely a very one-sided, and very repressed, crush. Stan wasn’t sure that anyone ever meant to fall for their best friend, but he really hadn’t. He hadn’t really become aware that that was what was happening until the two were partnered up in gym one day and Kyle had casually lifted up his shirt to wipe some sweat off of his forehead. It was a small amount of skin, skin that he had seen a thousand times before, skin that should not have made his heart skip a beat. So, from then on, he had worked as hard as he could to shove down the weird butterfly conservatory that had set up tent inside his stomach and force himself to be Stan Marsh, normal boy and best friend of Kyle.

For nearly a year, with the exceptions of a few minor hiccups, things went great inside that department. Or they did, all the way until Stan jokingly poked Kyle in the side one day and he flinched. And smiled. And nearly laughed.

And suddenly, the butterflies were inconsolable.

He told himself it meant nothing. He told himself it meant nothing when a week later he ‘accidentally’ squeezed Kyle’s knee a little too hard when he stood up. He told himself it meant nothing when friendly jostling kept turning into squeezes and pokes that had Kyle giggling out frantic protests. He told himself it meant nothing when Kyle would smile and Stan’s fingers would flex on the bed in a helpless reflex.

He told himself it meant nothing when Kyle seemed to somehow get tickled almost every time the two of them met up.

He was still telling himself it meant nothing when he went over to Kyle’s house that afternoon to read comics instead of doing the homework they had told their parents about.

“Oh. You’re early.”

Kyle was at the door, hair messy from sleep and eyes squinted slightly like they always did when he first woke up. Stan glanced down at him—he loved that he had to look down now, even if it annoyed Kyle to no end—and offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Mom kicked me out for the day, so I figured I’d just head over here early. Are you just waking up? You do know it’s 1pm, right?”

“You should be glad I’m even awake right now. I refuse to be up early in the summer if there are not life-threatening consequences at stake.”

“I count as a life-threatening consequence?”

“Close enough.”

Kyle grinned and the sight was enough to make Stan squeeze the strap of his backpack. He pushed quickly into the house before Kyle could notice his effect on the other. “So, I stopped down at Main St. on the way over to grab some of the newer editions that just dropped. Admittedly, most of them are just reprints, but there’s a couple new titles.”

“What’s the point of getting the reprints if we already have them?”

“Well, the cover art is new, and I’ve heard there’s bonus epilogues at the ends of some of them.”

“Oh, well, if it’s bonus epilogues, I guess I see your point. I rescind my earlier doubt and furthermore will trust in the future excitement of this endeavor.”

Stan frowned. Kyle’s sarcastic attitude had been a staple of his character since he was a kid, but going through puberty had seemed to amplify it somehow. Which was fine if a bit annoying along with his ever-constant cynicism, but Stan could never help feeling slightly offended when it was directed towards himself.

Kyle must have noticed the expression on his face, because he softened a little and nudged past Stan with a smile. “Well, don’t just stand there, let’s look over them. Might as well after you spent so much money on them instead of saving for that car your mom’s always ranting about.”

The subject of the car had quickly become a new factor in Stan’s life, an addition he was less than thrilled about. It made him far too aware that he was sixteen and therefore two years away from college and therefore six years away from the rest of his life.

Stan rolled his eyes but followed the other, trying not to think about being alone in a room with his best friend—trying to keep his hands shoved deep in his pockets where they needed to stay for the afternoon.

Kyle’s room had evolved over the many years Stan had known him. Hungrily collected figurines and a variety of scattered textbooks became replaced by movie posters and memorabilia that in turn got replaced by band photos and useless knickknacks hidden precariously throughout the room. To call it clean would be lying, but it wasn’t messy in the typical high school boy way that Stan’s was. It was almost like there was too much of Kyle to fit into the small space and as such his room was bursting at the seams. Journals were laid open on desks, half-empty water bottles were shoved into various crevices, and amongst the Rubik’s Cubes and comics was a detailed runic sword in the corner from when he had first delved into LARP-ing.

Not to mention, Kyle’s presence lingered so heavily in the room that it was nearly overwhelming at times. Stan sat carefully down on the bed as they delved into the various comic books, reminding himself that friends don’t get weird about being in other friend’s rooms for a simple hangout. Kyle was still in his pajamas too and his movements were heavy from exhaustion as he flopped down on the bed next to Stan. He seemed perfectly relaxed. Stan desperately wished he could share in that sentiment.

For the first hour or so, things seemed fine. The reprints were as uninteresting as suspected, but Kyle made up for it by dramatically reading along to the sections they had practically memorized by that point. Stan made fun of him at first but after a while it was hard to resist joining in. The two switched out parts as they went, but Kyle grew impatient and kept skipping ahead and leaving Stan out entirely.

Which, of course, obviously had to be retaliated.

Kyle’s words stumbled into a yelp when a finger jabbed into his side, his smug grin scrambling into something more helpless. The way he was laying made it difficult to bring his arms down, so he settled on swatting uselessly at Stan’s arm with huffed protests.

“Stan, c-cut it out!”

“Stop interrupting me and I’ll consider it.”

Kyle managed to roll over on his side, curling away from Stan and effectively blocking the tickling for a moment. Stan’s hands were drawn back already in retreat, even though everything in him longed to tease the strip of skin that had been revealed after Kyle’s shirt had rucked up. Kyle grumbled, his elbow darting in to rub away the leftover sensation. “Why is it always tickling with you nowadays?”

It was an innocent enough question and perfectly reasonable at that. Still, Stan’s heart kicked into high gear at the mention of his newest obsession. He scoffed, ignoring the red quickly covering his face. “It’s not my fault you’re so ticklish, I wasn’t even trying to that time. Besides, what’s so bad about it anyway?”

An incredulous noise came from Kyle’s curled form. “Besides everything?”

“Kyle.”

“I don’t know. It’s annoying. And… weird. I just feel so helpless, y’know? I hate that I’m so susceptible to it, especially since you apparently grew out of it since we were ten.”

Stan had not, in fact, grown out of it, but he had gotten better at resisting it. Not that he decided to mention that now. He grabbed Kyle’s side gently and rolled him back over, making sure to keep his hand flat and entirely untickly despite the familiar impulse rearing its ugly head. Stan’s insistent eyes bored into Kyle’s reluctant ones until his look of annoyance became flush with a nervous awkwardness.

“What? What’s that look for?”

“What if you let me tickle you?”

The words seemed to fly out in a breathless rush as Stan said them, and the way Kyle’s eyebrows shot up at the inquiry made him want to shove them right back in his mouth. Instead, he pushed forward before Kyle could disown him as a friend forever. “You said you hate that it makes you feel helpless. What if I tickled you, gently, to show you that I’ll stop whenever you ask me to.”

Kyle’s eyes darted down to the hand on his hip and back up. “And why would I do that?”

Stan shrugged. “Exposure therapy? Resistance training? A way to pass the time?”

Seconds ticked by in agonizing silence as Stan felt the very foundations of their friendship crumble under him. Any second now, Kyle would realize that no normal best friend of over five years would ask their other best friend of over five years if they could tickle them which would of course lead to the realization that something else was at play here. Following that, Kyle would shove him off in disgust, demand that he leave his house, and force Stan to kick himself for months after for making such a stupid mistake.

And then…

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. But only for five minutes.”

“Ten.”

“What? No way!”

“You can’t gain any benefits from exposure therapy in five minutes!”

Kyle sized up him up, but evidently decided that he didn’t know enough about the subject to counter the point. “Fine. But only ten, and you have to stop if I ask you to.”

Stan’s grin was blinding as he agreed. “Deal.”

Several beats of awkward rearrangement later, Kyle found himself splayed out on the bed with his arms stationed hesitantly over his head. At some point he had shifted and his shirt had ridden up, a situation Kyle had not yet rectified. Probably because it would be an inconvenience. Possibly because he wanted Stan to take advantage of that. Realistically because he hadn’t noticed.

The slip of skin held Stan’s attention as he settled in next to Kyle, trying to disguise his excitement as determination. “Alright, so the only rules are that you can’t physically stop me and that you have to at least try to withstand it. It’s cheating if you just give in right away.”

Kyle rolled his eyes but nodded. “Yeah, sure, fine. But if I do say to stop, you have to. And you have to be gentle with it—I’m pretty sure exposure therapy is supposed to be subtle. Not that this is even close to that considering I don’t have a goddamn tickling phobia, but I digress.”

“Are you sure?” Stan quirked a brow. “You know gentle can be worse sometimes, right? Especially considering how ticklish—”

“Gentle’s fine,” Kyle interrupted quickly. If Stan wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of red overtaking his features. “Just get on with it already, everyone knows that the anticipation’s the worst part.”

“Well, in that case, maybe we should—”

“Stan.”

“Fine, fine, let me set the timer.”

Stan messed around with Kyle’s alarm clock for a bit (superhero themed despite his teenage years, which should’ve been dorky but was somehow cute anyway), before assessing the situation at hand.

For as much as Kyle’s ticklishness had been cropping up in Stan’s life, each moment had been brief and rushed due to the scuffle that would arise from it. As such, Stan had never had a proper chance to explore the full depth of Kyle’s sensitivity—he wasn’t even sure where he should start. It was weirdly daunting to tickle someone with their permission and Stan hadn’t thoroughly prepared himself for the pressure it would bring. Where was a normal place to tickle? The sides? And what if he wasn’t ticklish there and they both just had to sit in the awkward silence that ensued?

“Well?” Kyle’s antsy voice cut through his thoughts. “Timer’s ticking, man. Look, if you’re trying to rile me up, I really don’t appreciate—”

“I know, I know, I’m just planning, alright?”

Nervously, Stan set his hands down on Kyle’s sides. He had jumped earlier at the poke, and in the past that general area had worked. Kyle inhaled slightly, shifting as he gripped his bedframe tighter. Good signs. He wiggled his fingers almost clinically over his shirt, more acting out the motions of tickling than doing it. A grin flitted over Kyle’s features, his eyes scrunching shut as he fought to resist the sensations, which seemed like a positive response. Feeling a tad more confident, Stan’s fingers spidered curiously up and around the area in haphazard loops.

He hadn’t told Kyle, but outside of the bullshit he had fed Kyle’s and his own odd cravings, he was hoping to use the experience to sus out where and how ticklish Kyle really was. Mostly for strategic reasons, but also to satiate a growing curiosity inside him. There was something so oddly thrilling about looking at someone, seeing a part of them, and knowing that a simple poke of the finger would make them crumple. Or maybe it was only thrilling with Kyle. Stan hadn’t quite worked out yet whether this was a tickling thing or a Kyle thing or both. For now, he was content to go along with his impulses, especially when given an opportunity as tempting as this.

The giggles had begun, a quiet, stuttered stream of them that Kyle kept attempting to hold back like they were a bad case of the hiccups. The muscles in his arms twitched as Stan kept tickling, begging him to let them block this.

“Tickle?” Stan teased, unable to help himself. Kyle’s eyes snapped open into a glare, but it was a weak one when combined with the flustered expression taking over the rest of his face. Stan held his gaze for a few, electrifying seconds before Kyle averted it. “It’s okay if it does, you know. Everyone’s ticklish. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Y-Yes it ihis,” Kyle gritted out, forcing the words into something comprehensible between all his laughter. “It’s fucking m-mortifying.”

“I don’t find it mortifying.”

“You’re n-not the one being tihihickled—shit, can you fucking move?”

“Oh.” Stan glanced down at his hands, dancing freely over the same spot on Kyle’s sides—a spot that had him fidgeting and squirming like mad on the bed. “The sides, huh? Well, maybe we should stay here then, if this is such a bad spot. That way you’ll quicken your resistance training.”

Kyle let out an indignant strangled sound, fighting through another fit of giggles before he could respond. “It’s nohohot the wohohorst spot!”

“So somewhere else is then?”

“Noho!”

“Well, it can hardly be both, Kyle. So you better start suggesting places or I’ll have to choose for you. Like… what about here?” Stan teasingly crawled his hands up his sides and onto his ribs, allowing his nails to curl around their edges. “Better?”

Kyle did not respond due to the influx of laughter that had just taken him over, but based off the frantic, panicked thrashing the move had induced, Stan assumed it was a safe bet to make. Petty remarks had transformed into a series of nononono’s as Kyle shook his head in protest.

“So, this is your worst spot!”

“No—no, god, s-sHIT, fuhuhuck, c-cut it out!”

“Really?” Stan’s eyebrows shot up. “You seem pretty ticklish here, I don’t know.”

Kyle attempted a growl, but it merely collapsed into a pitched giggle a couple moments later. “S-sure, whahahatever man! J-Just lighten uhuhup!”

“I have lightened up man, I don’t think I can be gentler.”

“Well, it tihihickles!”

“Clearly,” Stan agreed, trying to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at the other’s confirmation. “I mean, this is kind of sad to watch. This really shouldn’t tickle that much, I’m barely touching you.”

Kyle groaned, hiding his red face in the crook of his arm. “Oh my god, shuhuhut up!”

“No, seriously, watching you is making me feel nervous.” It wasn’t entirely just a tease either. Watching Kyle squirm, fingers tightening and loosening on the bed, feet kicking like mad and digging into the mattress, red crawling over his skin like a descending sunset as frantic giggles took him over—it was hard to observe without feeling a little squirmy yourself. It almost made Stan feel bad enough to stop. Almost. “Which is why it is definitely necessary for me to find your worst spot if this is how much you’re reacting from this alone.”

“Maybe I don’t h-hahahve a wohohorst spot!”

A lie, definitely. “Maybe. But you wouldn’t be so desperate right now if you didn’t. So, you can either tell me now, or I can find it.”

Kyle let out a sound that was somewhere between a whine and a groan that twisted something traitorously in Stan’s stomach. “Why i-is thihis relehevant?”

It wasn’t, really, but now that Stan basically had it confirmed that there was somewhere worse than this, somewhere that would truly drive him insane, he couldn’t just let things go there. “Resistance training, remember? And since you’re not offering up any ideas, I guess it’s on me to go exploring.”

And exploring he went. Nine minutes of exploring every ticklish spot he could find, nine minutes of Kyle still not stopping him in either an insane act of stubbornness or a subtle admittance of something, nine minutes of hearing Kyle let out every squeak, squeal, giggle, snort, and wheeze known to mankind before he finally found it. It wasn’t even on purpose either. A simple grab of the leg to readjust and Kyle’s arms were shooting down to shove him off, anticipatory giggles and protests already falling off of his lips.

The two locked eyes for a brief moment as Kyle sat up, staring down at Kyle’s knee and Stan’s hand that had clearly been knocked off.

“Oh—”

“No.”

“I see—”

“Stan, seriously, fuck off, it’s nothing.”

“So that’s it—”

“Stan, I will knee you so fucking hard, don’t you dare—”

“Fine, fine,” Stan held up his hands in defeat, unable to help his own amused grin at Kyle’s desperation. “I’ll let it go, even though you technically didn’t finish your full time. But only because you look like you’re actually going to kill me and I want to live through this afternoon.”

Kyle eyed him skeptically for a moment, assessing the truthfulness of the statement. His knees were protectively tucked under himself and Stan felt his fingers flex anxiously by his side.

"Alright," Kyle said, after a reluctant beat. "Thanks. I still think that whole thing was pointless, but I'm willing to admit that it was nice to have someone actually stop when asked."

"So, theoretically, you would be down to get tickled if I just listened to—"

"Don't push it."

And even though Kyle didn’t untense for the rest of that night, Stan kept true to his word. Primarily because of what he had said, but also because a knot had begun tying itself in Stan’s stomach throughout those nine minutes that had grown to such a size that Stan didn’t feel like he could try anything without either throwing up or admitting to something, neither of which were desirable options.

Because unfortunately, he had a feeling this was probably both a Kyle thing and a tickling thing. Which meant only one thing.

Stan was fucked.

[suga-kookiemonster]

satisfy 05 (teaser)

summary⇢ “listen,” taehyung says, eyes wide and eager as he smiles at you. “i figure we can just help each other out. i scratch your back, you scratch mine.” but when you find yourself suddenly in need of a massive favor, exactly how much scratching are you willing to do? pairing⇢ kimline/reader teaser word count⇢ 1k estimated chapter word count⇢ 13k+ rating⇢ 18+ genre⇢ smut | escort!au | ceo!au (kinda)

a/n⇢ HELLO!!! i've been slowly working on this for what feels like forever and i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel 😭 fingers crossed i can post in the next few weeks, but for now i wanted to share a little snippet. as always, subject to change until i do my final edit--HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS IS GONNA BE A DOOZY 😈

You were even planning on putting on a little makeup, on properly doing your hair for the first time in weeks and giving the bun you had been sporting a rest. However, all it took was a knock on your door to put an end to all those extras.

You frowned at the sound and padded over to your front door, happy you had already thrown on a hoodie to keep yourself warm until the festivities properly started. The sight of a familiar man through the peephole, hands resting comfortably in his slacks, threw you off.

Automatically, your hands were disengaging all the locks, were swinging the door open. “You’re early—”

Whatever words you had next immediately dissipated on your tongue. Taehyung was there, but he apparently came with company. Your mind whirred, trying to come up with a perfectly logical reason for why all three Kim brothers were at your doorstep right now.  

“Your hair,” you blurted, your scrambled brain latching onto the easiest subject first.

“Hmm?” Taehyung ruffled his newly dyed locks, the onyx hue a stark difference from the silver you were used to. “Oh yeah, I guess I haven’t seen you all week. My dad wanted me to dye it to a more ‘appropriate’ color before the conference. But whatever. It was time for a change, anyway. And this will be easier to upkeep.”

You could only continue to stare at him as he spoke, your eyes naturally drifting over his shoulder at your additional visitors. 

All three of them were dressed pretty casually, which was normal for Taehyung and Namjoon, but less so for Seokjin when not in the comfort of his own home. The soft pink of his sweatsuit was a stark contrast to the sharp intelligence of his eyes. He met your gaze for only a few seconds before he was turning to meet Namjoon’s instead, a pinch in his brow. 

Taehyung spoke again before either of them could say anything. “You gonna keep us out here?” he teased, casually leaning against the doorframe.

That finally jumpstarted you out of your haze, scrambling to move out of the way and gesture them inside. “Yes, of course. Come in!” Before your nosy neighbor caught them and assumed you were slutting it up.

(She would technically be right, but still. It was the principle. Your life was none of that judgy shrew’s business.) 

Tae strolled in like he always did—like he owned the place—but you noticed his brothers’ strides seemed a bit more hesitant than the confidence you usually got to witness. Namjoon’s mouth was slightly pursed in the way you’d long learned meant he was thinking. Why did they seem as confused as you did?

“Hi,” you hedged anyway, a small, puzzled smile on your lips. “It’s been a while. Sorry if I’m acting weird—I just wasn’t expecting you, so I’m a little thrown off.”

Understanding immediately crossed Seokjin’s features, but you only got a second to see it before he was whipping towards his youngest brother, appalled. 

Namjoon was looking at him too, clearly irritated. “Are you serious, Taehyung?”

“What?” you asked, gaze flitting between the three of them in hope of finding some clarity. 

“You never asked her?” Seokjin snapped.

Namjoon shook his head. “You know that’s not cool, man.”

“Never asked me what?” you cut in, bemused. 

Taehyung, for his part, looked properly contrite. “I’m sorry,” he told the room, before solidly placing his attention back on you. His eyes were soft and sincere. “It truly slipped my mind, and I’m sorry, _____. I didn’t think.”

“When do you ever?” Seokjin snarked, but you ignored him, focused solely on Taehyung.

“What, Tae?” you encouraged gently. “What are you sorry for?”

It was clear from the hunch of his shoulders that he felt bad. “Um…”

“He invited us to come with him to meet you today,” Namjoon supplied. He gave his little brother a disappointed shake of his head. “But that’s not a decision for him to make. Is it, Tae.”

“I just knew that none of us have seen her in a while,” Tae whined. “And _____, when you reached out yesterday, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity since we’re leaving the country for a few weeks.”

“I should have known better,” Seokjin muttered with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry about this, _____. You never marked group activities as a no and I thought Taehyung actually asked you like an adult, so I just assumed you were on board. I can leave.”

You blinked, still trying to grasp what was going on. “You were…trying to share your time?” you asked Taehyung slowly.

He nodded meekly. “I don’t mind sharing,” came his honest answer.

“But does she,” Seokjin scoffed, eyes narrowing in irritation. “That’s the only thing that matters. And to think otherwise is just selfish, Taehyung.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The words left your lips before your brain could even register them, likely spurred on by how chastened Taehyung looked. The three of them looked at you in surprise.

“It’s okay?” Namjoon parroted, an eyebrow raised in question.

You swallowed, then gave a nod of confirmation. Because you knew Taehyung had never been trying to trap you. One of the qualities that simply made him him was his spontaneity, and while that made him fun and interesting to be around, it also was a double-edged sword that could end up with situations like this.

Tae knew none of them had seen you in a while, he knew they were soon going to jet out of the country, and had simply been trying to be nice in inviting his brothers along. He didn’t mean any harm.

“It’s okay,” you repeated, giving him a reassuring smile that visibly loosened some of the tension in his body. “You can all stay.”

The words settled between the four of you, heavy in the resulting quiet. Teeming with implication. You still weren’t completely sure what you were agreeing to, but what you did know was that you were going to need something to help stave off the nerves slowly bubbling beneath your skin. You cleared your throat, turning to make your way to the kitchen. “I think I need a drink.”

[fayrinferno]

The Escaflowne Movie CD Dramas

Time to share some thoughts about the CD dramas I recently posted (one, two). There’s so many topics I will just make a few sections. This is insanely long and... just insane again. So I'm putting a cut right here.

First of all, this was such a different translation project than I’m used to! Meaning, it was spoken word instead of written and there was no official transcription. That is the difference between these two movie dramas and the series drama (Thought of Jeture). ToJ had the whole script in the booklet, so that would make the translation MUCH easier. The only thing we have for these are the summaries in the movie Newtype Artbook. Anyway, it was a fight but I’m pretty confident with this translation.

Speaking of booklets, sorry about the quality of the pictures/scans. For some reason, these booklets are really deteriorating, dunno if anyone who has the same CDs can confirm, but they are yellowing pretty badly and what is worse, in an irregular way where one page is totally different color from the other. I don’t think the environment I store it in is too bad, there’s not a problem with humidity or anything and most of the other materials are fine but ofc, I can’t speak for the previous owner. Or it’s simply a feature. The booklets are printed on some textured, off-white (possibly recycled?) paper in the first place, so they were never white, but then there’s the yellowing. I tried to fix it a bit in Photoshop but when it’s irregular AND in color, my editing skills come short. BTW, I had a similar problem when I scanned Escabible, I just gave up and made it B&W cause the print was originally green on pages that yellowed with time. Anyway, these cd drama booklets have sparse contents compared to some others (there are only the song lyrics and credits and some non-specific artwork), so I included the scans more or less informatively.

Finally, to the contents. This is definitely more complementary to the movie than the novel which takes some different paths. I believe this one was made so that it doesn’t contradict anything in the movie, although some things leave you guessing. We’ll get to them later. Which may be one of the reasons why it's kind of hard to be in the drama setting and not to feel like “this is just another Escaflowne AU” but realize it is an actual prequel/prologue to the movie. It has all the scenes that you would have in yet another Escaflowne retelling, such as:

sketch of Hitomi’s relationship with Yukari

Hitomi’s suddenly getting isekai’d and realizing it by observing Earth from Gaea

Hitomi meeting Van under dramatic circumstances (though I must say this is probably their most civil first encounter, there’s practically no fighting!)

meeting with other characters like Allen and Millerna (the Van and Allen fight is practically a copy of the movie fight… even bears resemblance to their first series encounter)

introduction to other characters like Folken, Dryden, and Dilandau

I get it, I get it. This was a case of amnesia in the end. But we are just more used to AUs in this fandom, haha. I also get you would want cameos to every character with a semblance of a fandom in a new franchise material. But I can’t shake the feeling they weren’t trying all that hard to tie things into the movie perfectly, although the cd drama is described as its prequel.

For clarity, I still consider the cd dramas and the movies the same universe and the things that happened in the drama as canon for the movie. There is also the movie novel, which I will publish in the future, but that one is another beast and I wouldn’t necessarily say things that are true there are some secret lore for the movie that was just never mentioned. It’s more up to the decision of the reader whether you accept them into your movie headcanon (because some of the novel lore contradicts the movie so how much can you believe the rest of it?) The multiverse is quite insane already but yes, this happens, with other titles as well.

BTW, it is neat they included Dornkirk’s seiyuu in the voice of Orm. This is a pretty mysterious character but he fulfills the role of the deus ex machina for the whole thing, never to be mentioned again in the actual movie. It is through him we learn more about Folken and Van, which would otherwise have to be spoken about by themselves in a voice drama/movie, and yeah, we all know the odds of that. Anyway, he is not human. He is not Dragon Clan, because that’s people like Van and Folken. And yet, he changes into a dragon. Is he actually a dragon god? One of the two who created Gaea? I guess not if it’s the two princes who decide the fate of Gaea instead of him. Perhaps he lost his power or there were lesser dragon gods? Or he’s not a dragon at all; it’s just sorcery of some sort. He says he’s just a sorcerer, after all. But he looks like a goblin. It took me a while to realize and you may not remember either, but the movie also has madoushi or sorcerers, except they don't look exactly human.

Rather, they resemble the series Ispano and their work with on Alseides confirms this. So now I believe this Orm could possibly be one of these guys (maybe before whatever it is that got done to them?) and he shows his true form to Hitomi. And when you think of it, much like Ispano, Orm acts as a sort of “insurance” against world destruction. The topics just keep recurring it seems.

Anyway, I just made some notes about these cd dramas and grouped them according to the topic.

Physical descriptions of the characters

If you introduce a character in an audio drama like this, you have to introduce them through the narrator’s voice, similarly to a book. That’s why Hitomi has to spend more time describing Orm’s shiny eyes, protruding teeth, etc. than she does with the known characters with a known design, who, all with the exception of Van, get just about one sentence. She spends some more time describing Van and although she observes how “beautiful the two look in their fight” (I had to make a note of that), she never spares a second thought to Allen, or any of the other handsome men she sees. No more love triangles, the soulmate game here is too strong! 

Anyway, in this material, Hitomi describes Van’s eyes twice with a word that literally means ��see-through”. It felt odd but it is apparently a set expression, unless they tried to involve some double meaning. It’s apparently a synonym of clear/shiny/sparkly/pure/beautiful eyes… you can buy contact lenses that promise to do this for you in Japan lol. I translated the novel as well and there are more strange descriptions of his eyes in there, maybe that’s why it felt so significant. There is also a bit of a difference compared to the series materials, where they would just describe the color in a way you would describe a specific shade of blue or any other color. In any case, however literally or not they meant this, Van has pretty eyes, as we already knew. It was also funny when Millerna described him as cute and connected it to whether he would want to join Abaharaki. Like a cute face was a prerequisite or something lol. But she’s probably on about him being too tsun despite the face.

Another thing we discussed during editing was this “sign of the king” that was shown already at the time of Van’s birth… and wasn’t at the time of Folken’s. At first, I thought very simplistically that it may have something to do with the tattoos (or would they be markings then)? But that doesn’t seem to be the case and they are confirmed to be tattoos for the novel, although it doesn’t seem anyone else from the Dragon Clan would have them there. In the movie, on the contrary, young Dune and even Van’s mother are shown to have them as well, so the meaning of them could have been different. Back to the “sign of the king,” I returned to that part of the translation later and it seems it was something that the seers saw in their prophecies after all. Some symbol of the dragon king that was not specified. Sidenote, I pitied and blamed Dune’s mother at the same time. Poor guy.

This got all about Van again but I don’t think anyone else was given enough description to even discuss? It’s clearly obvious who Hitomi’s love interest is. I would say it makes it clearer than the movie itself, because it has these inner monologues and it’s pretty romantic already despite the two barely knowing each other. I would even say Van’s behavior is gentler than any other iteration (?) But when you think of it, the cd dramas are usually THE fanservice materials, aren’t they? So obviously, they would give most attention to the popular characters and ships… but let’s get to the more pragmatic stuff.

When do the Prologues take place?

The two prologues obviously happen before the movie but how long before that? Let’s check some placeholders and see what we can figure out.

“the winter of my sixteenth year” “not even a spring break yet” “soon, you’ll be a third year”

High school in Japan is three years with the school year starting in spring. So I believe this is happening at the end of Hitomi’s second year. Her age of 16 fits. In the movie materials, her age is described as 17, so somewhere between the two, she also has her birthday. Could it be in December, same as in the series? That would make the window for the drama very narrow, because it’s winter but not yet 9th of December. We can't probably take that date as a reference, anyway.

“is the way to the Mystic Moon closed now?” “yes, for now. But once the moon is full again…”

This is something Folken and Sora speak about in cd 1 when Van deflects Orm. But then it is Van who reaches out to Hitomi first before they can do as they plan. At the end of cd 2, Folken asks Sora to open the path again so I assume these conditions still apply. Then the movie may be one or several months after the events of the cd drama, since they need the full moon. Well, if the Moon works and time passes the same on both planets…

I believe this takes place in a range of one to few more months before the movie. Why? Folken asks Sora if the way to the Mystic Moon is closed. And Sora says, it is, "but once the Moon is full again..." Unclear which moon, but we could assume their moon, the one with the eye. Looks similar to our moon, and if it was the same, it would have been one month. But then, the movie is definitely not taking place in the winter, like this drama. So, when is it?

Let’s look at the placeholders from the movie directly. First thing we have is Hitomi’s watch, which says, SA 18th, 16:15:28. Normally, SA would stand for Saturday, the screen of her watch (or the information on it) even looks pretty similar to existing models of Casio Chronograph/Illuminator:

You may wonder why she would be at school on Saturday afternoon but it was normal at the time of the movie production, Japanese students only had Sundays off. They talk about some plans next day on the train right after the rooftop scene and Hitomi asks Yukari to give her a wake-up call in the morning, which would fit. You see them having a bit of fun and it doesn’t seem the next day yet, they are still in their uniforms. Later at the stairs (although it is not in the subs I had), Yukari says they will see each other at school tomorrow. But shouldn’t it be Sunday next day? Or is what we see already the next day, the thing they made plans for? But why not dress casually, then? And aren't they on the train to/in Tokyo already when they discuss this? I guess this theory is not too likely, then.

It’s actually baffling. Because the scenes also do not follow in a linear way; you see them on the train, there is a shot of Hitomi at the stadium already, then they walk around Harajuku/Omotesando, and back on the train where they are held-off because of an accident at Yoyogi. Yoyogi station is on Yamanote line, the circular line going around Tokyo. That station, Harajuku, Omotesando, Meiji Jingu, National Stadium… it’s all in the same wide area but maybe it’s a bit too much for walking, unless they had a lot of time. I mean it would take them almost two hours just to get to that athletics stadium if they left their school right after the roof scene at 4 pm (according to her jersey, the school is still in Kamakura). But they don’t even have their school bags, Yukari just has a small shopping/gift bag it seems. Did they put them in a coin locker on the station or something? In the novel, they just run away from school (or rather, from an angry teacher), so that would make sense with the bags if they at least had some money on them but it seems too late in the day to do that. But I guess it’s still the best explanation. The sun sets around 7 pm at that time of the year in Tokyo. But that still doesn’t explain why Yukari says “see you at school tomorrow” when it should be the weekend. If she meant cram school, guess she would say that and not school. Maybe there’s something I’m missing that puts it all together. Or they are doing this on purpose. EDIT: I just reread this for possible typos and it came to my mind that the plans Yukari and Hitomi have could be for Sunday AND at school. Yukari says, "you promised, remember?" which made me feel like she was worried Hitomi would just cancel but it may actually be something of a favor to Yukari? IDK, for example, helping her cleaning the club room or something? She DOES use "kureru" which means that she hopes Hitomi will do this "for her". That's a thought...

Anyway, I researched the watch a bit and if the display was really like a digital Casio Chronograph, we wouldn’t know the month from looking at the screen (some models have the full date but this type, only the day of the month). But what can we guess about the month from the movie itself? It's not full-blown spring, otherwise we would see at least one blooming sakura tree, I guarantee it. In similar vein, if it was the height of summer, there would be sound of cicadas (June to September). Late spring/early summer or early autumn is my best bet based on the greenery we see, plus Hitomi and Yukari wearing the summer uniforms (the school uniform would have a version for cold and hot days) and people wearing tshirts and summer dresses in Tokyo. Then it would be about half a year after the cd drama.

But here’s a crazy thing: Hitomi’s watch is shown once again on Gaea and it has SA 19th 17:05 on it. It is the next day compared to the roof scene where it's 18th but also it's still SA… This confused me so much I even checked the settei but I didn't learn much besides that it's her favorite watch and the pattern you see above the screen is an image of an angel that can be backlit in the dark and that she only checks the time once while on Gaea. The settei uses the time from the roof scene btw.

So does the SA stand for month after all? SA for sangatsu (March)? It doesn’t look like March in the scenes with Yukari, I mean, March is the graduation month, remember? Sakuras would be everywhere and they would wear jackets. Could it be then they simply forgot to change SA to SU? That would be the smoothest explanation in fact. Or is there some significance to this? Something something her watch has stopped like that time at the Tokyo Station when she was a child? Anyway, let’s recap the options, since, as usual with the franchise, there is a hole in each and every one of them:

If the roof is on Saturday 18th and the stadium are the same day, then next day we see her watch on Gaea and it’s “SA” 19th… then where did they leave their school bags and why is Yukari telling Hitomi she’ll meet her tomorrow at school if it should be a day off?

If the roof is on Saturday 18th and the stadium on Sunday 19th evening… then why are they wearing school uniforms on Sunday and why are they on a train to Tokyo on Saturday and why should her watch show the “SA” 19th 5 pm after she came to Gaea and slept for some time at the caravan?

If SA is not for Saturday but for the month of March and the roof scene could be any weekday… then why is her watch different from regular Japanese digital watches and why doesn’t it look at all like March outside?

And if SA is neither for Saturday nor sangatsu... then WHAT? I think it could be a subtle “Stop Asking” by the creators, lol.

Or, you know what, her watch did not take the interplanetary travel and the liquid in Escaflowne cockpit too well and broke. That’s my best explanation offer I guess (besides an animation error).

Why does Van not remember Hitomi in the movie if he has already met her?

I consider this the elephant in the room: okay, Hitomi went to Gaea before but Orm used his magic to bring her back and make her forget. But what about everyone else who met her, back on Gaea? Which would be Van, Allen, Millerna, Gaddes, Jajuka, Sora, and Folken? I believe some of their reactions in the movie, but especially Van’s in the beginning, confirm that they don’t remember that encounter.

But how can you erase someone from several people’s memories at once? Even if you erase the memory of her, her actions on Gaea leave some impact… Folken literally swears to bring her back again and he does in the movie. Moreover, in the cd drama, the location of Escaflowne is revealed to Folken through Hitomi’s ancient memories (as Sora spies on her telepathically). The first scene of the movie has Van stealing the armor from Black Dragon Clan’s ship. I believe this ties nicely to the “Escaflowne is discovered underneath Torushina” from the ending of the cd drama. Basically, some time has passed, and BDC dug out Escaflowne, now transporting it to Folken. Meanwhile, Folken is trying to summon Hitomi back because with her and Escaflowne, he apparently has all the ingredients for his plan.

When it comes to Abaharaki, apparently, the cd drama gives us a scene of their first meeting with Van. So, it has not been all that long that he was with the Abaharaki. But since he is with them in the movie, this event from the cd drama is also something that did not get reversed by Orm sending Hitomi back. It’s hard to wrap one’s head around. Allen, Millerna, and Gaddes come across Hitomi and Van because they were apparently in the vicinity and “saw a light”. This is all happening in a “holy land” that bears the name of Arzas, btw.

But if Van wasn’t summoning the Wing Goddess, why would he even go there? Why would Allen come check if there was no light from her arrival from Earth? Of course, the meeting of Van and Abaharaki might have happened anyway, by pure chance. After all, Merle in the movie says they “met on the battlefield”. For the Abaharaki, they “could not take a better look” at Hitomi before she was snatched away by Jajuka and they’ve never seen her again in the drama. So I guess their movie reactions would be plausible even if they did remember Hitomi’s first arrival in the cd drama. But Van is just a big question mark and either their meeting “never happened” or his memory got erased.

So Orm changed into a dragon and took Hitomi, her memories, and apparently Van’s memories away. Then what, was Van just left standing there, wondering what happened and why he even went out there? How about Merle, who went with him to rescue Hitomi? She would remember that the Wing Goddess was there, wouldn’t she? Even though she hasn’t seen her in the cd drama. This adds Merle to Allen, Millerna, Gaddes, and Mole, who form a group of characters who knew of the Wing Goddess coming to Gaea but wouldn’t know her face.

Then we have another group formed by Van, Folken, Sora, Jajuka, who had also seen her. Out of all these, Van is the only one who is confirmed to have forgotten. Others may as well remember everything, because they go retrieve Escaflowne and eventually Hitomi. Interesting. So I guess the first group may remember her arrival, they just don’t know how she looks. The second group, minus Van, could know everything. Van was apparently made to forget by some effect of Orm’s sorcery. Either he forgot her face or their whole encounter. That, or it never happened.

Another variation is, only Folken and Sora remember Hitomi. I guess that would make some sense, since Sora seems to be the one ‘in the know’ about everything, together with Orm, and to some extent, Folken. Then again, Van is a pretty strong magic user himself as we discover, so why would Folken and Sora be able resist Orm’s magic and not him?

I guess this could be explained by Orm’s final scene, where he sounds pretty mad at Van. Which is interesting. He’s not cross with Folken who wants to destroy the world, he’s angry with Van cause he is using Hitomi as a tool for his revenge which will just cause her more sorrow. So, does he in fact only seal her away from Van or erase only his memories? Because Van is not ready to lift Hitomi’s spirits and ease her loneliness? It seems Orm puts some hopes of saving the world into Van and is disappointed that he doesn’t realize what he needs to do. Then again, how would sealing Van away and leaving the path open for Folken help? Perhaps Orm meant to seal her away from both brothers but Sora overcame that magic? It’s frustrating that they just won’t.let.us.know.

But I believe Van having no memory of their encounter could be why (besides the obvious resonance of their depressed souls) Folken is the one to bring Hitomi to Gaea in the movie. Van isn’t even trying to reach her anymore like he does in the cd drama, it seems he is 100% focused on obtaining Escaflowne. Which I guess was his mindset in the first place even as he, on his own volition, went out and whisked Hitomi away from Earth, which coincidentally made for a pretty romantic scene but you can still see he’s all about obtaining the armor. I mean it is logical, once he knows BDC has Escaflowne, it means everything to take it out of their hands. It is also sort of parallel to the series when he asks her pragmatically and logically to help him against Zaibach without considering her feelings.

But really, nothing like, “You’re the Wing Goddess? Few months back, I tried to summon you from the holy land of Arzas, using all the magic taught to me by the beast clan but you left me on Read?” Ahh yes that would be uncharacteristic to disclose by this particular character, I get it.

So what do you think? Did Orm make him forget or did he revert Hitomi’s whole first visit to Gaea?

“Ancient Gaea”

What is also pretty blurry is this whole “Wing Goddess lived on ancient Gaea and she met Van then… but she has forgotten.”

Okay, what do we know of this “ancient Gaea”? We know the Wing Goddess as well as “Van” in some form lived there and then. And they were “alike” in some way. Orm calls them “twins” or “gemini” which I do get may sound problematic (I translated it as “two of the same kind” in the end) but I don’t think he means they are related. Also, “dragons” lived on this Gaea. I don’t know, as I listened to this part with the series soundtrack in the bg, I suddenly got the feeling like they talked about the series. Which makes not much sense of course. There is no proof of that. Movie Escaflowne is different, the series one didn’t destroy the world… it doesn’t work. But I still got a nostalgic feeling like that.

Then the last thing we know is Escaflowne actually destroyed some major city… I guess, likely in battle with the movie Alseides, they just laid ruin to this ancient Gaea civilization, whatever it was. In this battle it seems, Escaflowne could have been buried by rubble of what could have been the predecessor of Torushina, which itself could have been gradually built upon the ancient city ruins. That’s all we know. Anyway, I kinda hate when Sora teases like “could we bring back the ancient memories of the Wing Goddess?” Don’t give us hope if you’re never, ever gonna deliver, dammit. Maybe I should deliver in fic form haha (no I will not start another project).

Random thoughts after watching the movie after having translated the drama

Now that I think of it, the movie actively avoids any direct reference to the events of the cd drama. But after giving a proper attention to the CD drama, you see echoes of it in the movie, echoes of Hitomi remembering on some level after all. Like, when they are frolicking with Yukari, and she hears Sora’s song… she immediately understands someone is calling. It’s not “I hear a song nobody else seems to hear” anymore, it’s her immediately understanding that Yukari doesn’t hear it and that she’s being called.

BTW, what I humbly believe the movie subs/dubs could have done a little better was the scene with Yukari at the stadium. Hitomi tells Yukari she’s annoying for meddling in her life. She says “annoying” and “just disappear” repeatedly and there is this transition from when it seems like she’s really calling Yukari  “annoying” and muttering she should “go away” to when you understand that she is talking about herself. Hitomi is the “bad guy” and she’s the one who should “disappear”. If you use “fade away” it doesn’t click so much because you don’t tell another person to “fade away”.

Also, in cd 1, when Hitomi sees Van for the first time and the dragon fossil in the face of the mountain. I got this weird feeling it could be Van just before he takes off to kill everyone on the Black Dragon Ship and steal Escaflowne in the very first movie scene. Because yes, we see the mountain with the dragon fossil in that movie scene (presumably one of the twin gods Van prays to), he prays for the death of his enemies (that he does massacre in the movie opening scene), even the music is the same... because Bird song is the first part of First Vision, the OST for the first scene of the movie.

Or perhaps, for Hitomi's “first vision”, and it refers to this scene from the drama? Of course, nothing gets confirmed here either. Anyway, if she sees Van in real time, what would he be doing at the time she’s under Orm’s spell on the train? Well, apparently, he is aware of Orm’s actions, and with support of the elders from the wolf village, he is trying to intercept him. Which he does later, in the cave. But would his preparation for that be this? Wishing death upon his enemies with the sword drawn and then flying off… idk, it fits the movie scene better.

This post got really speculative so I’ll just stop here but I think I’ll make one or two other posts. One will just have the movie trivia without as much of my speculation. Another will be a bit critical because while I like Escaflowne in all its forms, I did get a bit frustrated here and I should let it out.