#EAT CAKE FALL OFF YOUR HORSE

[advestager]

i was browsing ao3 before bed and now i need to go acquire a smoking habit just so i can reenact the exhausted ben affleck meme

[romanteacism]

Knight Aemond x Princess Reader Please

Synopsis: You've come to learn the fact that your sworn protector has a hard time denying your requests. Warnings: None (yet), Aemond and Reader coming some realizations, ¿infatuation?, Aemond Concerned, Fluff PREVIOUS PART / NEXT PART

“How much further?” You asked, voice louder as you peeked your head out of the moving wheelhouse so you could speak with your knight who rode atop his horse beside you. “A few more hours, princess— we shall arrive before sundown.” Ser Aemond replied, watching as a pout formed on your lips as you were growing bored with the endless hours on the road. “I’m bored,” You sigh, trying to make conversation with your knight whilst half of your body dangled on the edge of the wheelhouse. 

“Princess, you must sit down— you might hurt yourself,” Aemond said, concerned the roads were quite uneven, and he was certain that with just one bump, you’d fall from the slot. “But my legs are numb! Can we not rest for a moment?” You questioned, trying to look for Ser Aemond’s eye through the slats of his helmet. Widening your own eyes, imploring him to agree. “The princess is right; we had been riding since first light. We could rest for a moment.” Ser Adam then intruded on your conversation, riding faster and abandoning his post that was behind the wheelhouse. “Return to your station, Ser Adam.” Aemond gritted as the knight rode beside him. 

“Ser Aemond, please! Just an hour, I’m certain the drivers are weary from travel as well! We could all use rest.” You implored, clutching tightly upon the window frame as the wheelhouse jostled, making Aemond take in a sharp breath as he was overly concerned that you might harm yourself. “Fine, just half an hour, princess. Your brother gave strict orders that we must arrive before sundown.” He sighed, motioning for Adam to tell the drivers to halt and rest by the side. “Thank you!” You sang and finally complied with your knight’s orders to sit back down. When the doors opened, you were met with the muddied ground, and before one of the squires could place a cloth over it, Ser Aemond took hold of your waist and lifted you off the ground into the grass. “Come, Theo,” You called, and the jingle of your cat’s collar could be heard as he leaped from the wheelhouse and found his place by your side. 

“Have we brought enough food for them?” You asked Ser Aemond as the drivers and footmen rested by the distance. Ser Aemond assisted you with a blanket placed under a tree where refreshments were served. “Yes, princess,” Aemond nodded and stood by your side, your pet cat suddenly hissing, making your knight reluctantly take a tiny step away from you. “Would you like some Sers?” You asked, offering them some custard tarts and lemon cakes as well as tea. Ser Adam was ready to agree, but Ser Aemond spoke. “No, thank you, princess, we are on watch.” He gritted, glaring at his fellow knight, who defeatedly sighed. “Oh, come now, there are no dangers here— we are quite literally in the middle of nowhere. Help yourself, Ser Adam,” You smiled, and it took no further convincing for Ser Adam to take a lemon cake into his hands. 

You took a custard tart onto a napkin and raised it to Ser Aemond, who shook his head. “Stop being stubborn; I’m well sure you are famished as well. Just eat, Ser Aemond,” You sighed, but your knight was hard-headed. “Please,” You said once more and waited as your knight sighed and reluctantly took the pastry from your hand. You hindered your smirk as you were coming to realize that one specific word had your knight succumbing to your requests. 

You were chatting with Ser Adam, and as always, Ser Aemond stayed silent, only speaking when you directly asked him a question. Ser Aemond moved to stand directly behind you as he noticed you were constantly readjusting your posture because your back was already sore. He stood behind you as a silent message for you to use his legs to rest your back, which you gladly did. Perhaps it was beneath or too much of him to do such actions, but he could not help but to— it did not sit well with him when you were in discomfort, and besides, you were always so grateful for him and his actions. 

“Princess, we must go— rain is about to come,” As the words left your knight’s lips, a clap of loud thunder sounded out, making you jump. “Yes, of course,” you say and hastily stand as the footmen quickly pack away the blanket you sat upon along with the refreshments you were served.  Ser Aemond once again lifted you off the ground so you would not step on the mud, fast with his actions as he mounted his horse and yelled towards the driver to move. 

The rain was punishing. It did not cease even for a moment, and luckily, the roads did not prove cumbersome, and you arrived at your destination without much hassle. “Are you well?” You asked your knight quietly as he, in his armor, was soaked. “Yes, princess. It was just rain.” He said, but both of your attention was caught by Ser Adam, who had a sneezing fit and was quick to grow unwell. Aemond rolled his eye at the sensitivity of his fellow knight. It was just water— weakling.“See to it that Ser Adam is brought to a Maester,” you said softly as your brother came towards you to greet you. “Yes, princess,” Ser Aemond nodded and let go of your arm as you headed towards your brother. 

“Finally! Father was growing restless! We thought you would be stranded in the rain.” Your brother sighed as he kissed your cheek in greeting. “We’re fine, but why is it raining? It is not supposed to be summer?” You questioned as the sole reason why you and your family ventured to your summer palace by the sea was because the heat in the capitol was unbearable. You did not expect to be greeted with such great amounts of rainfall. “No one can explain it— anyway, come, supper is served.” He said and ushered you inside the castle walls, leaving your knight behind to dry himself. 

Aemond shuffled through the halls as the summer palace was unfamiliar to him. It took him half an hour to find the great hall where you and your family ate, and luckily, as he arrived, you had just finished your meal. “Should you not rest, Ser Aemond?” You questioned as you guided your knight through the halls of the castle that was unfamiliar to him. “I am well, Your Highness,” He replied, memorizing each turn you would take. “But you still need rest— Ser Brandon could take the watch.” You suggested halting your steps. “I am fine, princess, truly.” He sighed, but you shook your head. “I insist you rest. Ser Adam was already taken by sickness— please, you must rest.” You said, taking hold of his arm, imploring him to do as you say. You hear his reluctantly sigh again, and you bite the insides of your cheeks. “Very well then, if you insist… but I shall return at first light.” He said, apprehension heavy in his voice. You smiled and nodded. “Of course. Good night, Ser Aemond,” you nodded and walked a few steps toward your chambers, but your knight waited until you disappeared, and he was certain that you had bared your door before he left and called upon Ser Brandon.

When morning broke, it was as if the rain had never came. “Good morrow, Ser Aemond,” You chirped as you exited your chambers, silently noting the absence of your second knight, much to the relief of your first. “Good morrow, princess.” He bowed and followed you as he was still to learn the routes of the castle. “Have you ever been to the ocean, Ser Aemond?” You asked as you guided him towards the path that led to the sea, where you would take your meals during your stay. “Only once, princess. When my family and I attended a funeral,” He answered. “Oh,” was all you could say at the rather sad fact. “I’m sorry,” You say quietly, and Aemond nodded. “Well, I hope your stay here will be more cheerful,” You added as he assisted you to your seat. 

Aemond did not care for the sea. It smelled of fish, and the sand that blew in the wind always landed on his eye and clung to his boots. He found the sound of crashing waves vexatious and the shrill cries of seagulls irritating. He, however, observed that you were happy as a clam. You slipped off your slippers and buried your feet into the cool sand; your eyes followed each crash of the waves, and you hummed along to the cries of the seagulls. He never thought of you as someone who would love the sea, which was an oversight on his part, for he had seen you countless times painting seascapes during the afternoon. 

“What did the masters say about Ser Adam’s condition.” You asked as your knight escorted you as you walked along the shore. He was holding your parasol and the slippers that you had discarded. You, as well, noticed he forwent his usual metal armor and instead wore a simple leather tunic. “He has a cough and is bedridden with fever. The maesters say it would take him a week or two to recover.” Aemond answered, resisting the smirk that was twitching on his lip. He was not joyous about his fellow knight’s ailment but rather his absence, leaving you and him just as it ought to be. “That’s a shame,” you say, and Aemond only nodded, though he did not wholly agree.

“What are you doing, princess?” You saw the deep frown on your sworn protector’s face as you sat on the sand. “Building a sand castle,” you smiled as your hands moved to gather sand, piling them high. “Come, join me.” You say, motioning to your side, wanting your knight to experience one of your favorite pastimes whilst you stay in the summer palace. Ser Aemond shook his head, looking at you oddly though he tried to make his face blank. “Come now, it’s fun!” You urged as you formed the sand in your hands; Aemond was mesmerized at how quickly molded the sand to your will. “Please,” You sang, begging him with your eyes, counting inwardly until Ser Aemond would let out a reluctant sigh. You reached the number five, and eventually, Ser Aemond crouched across from you, humoring your request and helping you build a structure with the sand. Who was he to deny your requests anyway? 

Taglist: @anukulee @ladyriverasafespace

[floatyflowers]

Dark Male! Rhaenyra Targaryen x Cousin Reader

You are the daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce, making you the beloved cousin of the realm's delight, Rhaeger Targaryen.

There is no lie that the crown prince is enamored with you, and it is clearly shown everytime you visit Kingslanding.

You two would spend long periods together, flying on your dragons, mocking the ladies and lords of the court while eating lemon cakes.

Indeed, no one can deny the prince's infatuation with you.

Everything was going well, until your aunt Aemma died during childbirth, and your father got exiled.

Not only that but Rhaeger's father remarried to Lady Alicent Hightower, a girl, Rhaeger considered a dear friend.

Also your mother was found dead, it is said that Lady Royce fall off of her horse.

You ended up inheriting Runestone afterwards.

When the time came to marry, Rhaeger was forced to marry from House Velaryon for alliances, completely denied your hand in marriage.

However, his lady wife was unable to bear him children nor was she interested in him as her preferences lie with the same sex.

Rhaeger felt hopeless and bitter with everyone and everything, his succession to the throne is threatened until Daemon who returned back from his war at Stepstones.

His uncle suggests that he has children from another woman and passes them off as his and his lady wife's children.

Little did Daemon know, that the younger Targaryen prince would choose you to be the mother of his children.

Rhaeger's wife agreed to his plan, but you were hesitant at first.

"Please (Y/n), there is no one I can entrust with such a task except for you, dear cousin"

However, Rhaeger managed to convince you in the end by guilt-tripping you, agreeing to only give him a son.

But, you ended up giving him three sons.

Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffrey.

All three ended up inheriting your appearance, dark hair with purple eyes.

All are loved by their father, especially Lucerys who inherited your soft attitude.

Of course, rumors spiraled around the court about your children's legitimacy every time you visited.

Which made you decide to stop visiting, and continue residing at Runestone as its Lady even if staying away from your children hurt you.

Nevertheless, your departure didn't last for long as Rhaeger's wife 'dies'

Rhaeger rushes to Runestone, proposing that you both get married and return with him to Dragonstone where you two could raise your children in peace.

"Rhaeger... That's a wonderful proposal, I love our children truly, yet I only see you as a friend whom I helped in a time of need"

Yeah, the Targaryen prince didn't take kindly to your words.

Which resulted in him kidnapping you and marrying you against your will in the traditions of your house with your sons, Jace and Luke as witnesses.

Part Two

[demonsslayersstuff]

I’m here for you (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

A/N: Here is an angst heavy Levi fic. Post mission, Levi is there to comfort you in his own way as you struggle with the trauma of a failed mission beyond the wall. (Gender Neutral Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of death, survivors guilt, ptsd, trauma, and suicide. If these trigger you, please do not read! This is not a happy drabble, but it is ends on a lighter tone.

You slide off your horse with a defeated slump. Today had been easily one of the most difficult days in your life. You were use to death, nearly every scouting mission past the walls resulted in someone’s death. But today, today you’d lost more than half of your squad.

You look over your shoulder to see the three remaining members you had left. You note the hollowness in their eyes, the gauntness in their faces. Your words still in your throat and for the first time in a long time, you feel tears form in your eyes. You turn your face back towards your horse, gripping the reins tightly as you lay your face against its neck, trying to calm yourself.

“Captain”, you hear called meekly out to you, forcing you to take a deep breath. “Dismissed, you all deserve a much needed rest, report back tomorrow morning”, you manage to get out in your typical commanding voice, but deep down you didn’t feel like a captain, you felt like a failure. You watch as they dismount, leaving their horses to the stable hands before they quietly make their way to the barracks in silence, clearly traumatized by the previous events that had befallen your group.

You sigh knowing you should do a mission debrief with Erwin, wash the wet blood that caked your face and clothing, and probably eat. But you do none of those things. Instead you find yourself heading towards the wall, the very one whose gates you just passed through. It’s not long before you find yourself atop the stone structure, walking the familiar path. You walk past squads who are taken aback by your appearance, but say nothing, something that you are grateful for. You find a quiet place, one that rarely gets much foot traffic, and plop down, feet dangling off the edge.

You sit there for a long time, numbly staring out of the vast expanse of an unknown world, knowing that somewhere out there were the corpses of your squad members, unable to be brought home for a proper burial. You sit there long enough that the blood that coated your face and body has completely dried and the sun has long set past the horizon. It’s only then do you feel his presence. “How long have you been watching me?”, you ask quietly, making no effort to look in his direction. “Long enough to miss dinner, so I guess we are both going hungry tonight”, he states before finally walking towards you. “You’re not my babysitter, you could have left”, you remark finally glancing to your left, taking in his figure.

“True, but something told me to stay”, he replies gruffly coming to stand next you. He lowers his gaze to yours, looking at you carefully. “I’m not gonna kill myself Levi”, you mutter. “I know”, he simply replies, though his tone indicated that he didn’t fully believe you. You don’t say anything, instead focusing your vision back out towards the darken fields, sighing. You had a job to do and you needed to do it, regardless of how you were feeling. “Should probably go shower and hand that mission report in”, you say, but still make no effort to actually get up. “It’s not your fault”, Levi tells you suddenly, easily reading your thoughts. You look up at him, anger flashing in your eyes. You open your mouth to say something, but he’s quick to cut you off. “Don’t do this to yourself, don’t. They chose to join the scouts on their own accord. They knew what they were getting into, so you cannot blame yourself”, he tells you sternly.

An uneasy silence falls between the two of you. You knew his words were true as harsh as they sounded, but they didn’t help ease the pain that you were feeling. Levi sighs before offering you his hand. He wasn’t very good at handling big emotional things, but Levi knew how well you easily responded to his touch, his physical presence often helped calmed you down when you were having a bad day. You look up at him questionably, surprised at the fact he was openly offering you his hand, in public no less. “Just take it brat”, he states. You place your palm in his own as his fingers interlock with yours. Levi gives you a subtle, but reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go get you cleaned up”, Levi says, his tone a bit softer than his previous remarks as he pulls you up to your feet. You follow him quietly as he leads the way towards the barracks, his grip on your hand remaining as you weave through streets.

It’s not long before you find yourself in front of the shower house, practically deserted at this late hour. “Go shower. I’m going to grab you some fresh clothes”, Levi tells you, his authoritative voice back as he loosens his hold on your hand. With a squint of his eyes he quickly recedes down the hallway towards your shared quarters as you push open the door. You strip your dirty garments, tossing them into the laundry bin before you step into one of the showers.

The temperate water stings your skin, loosing up the caked blood. You watch as the draining water turns a dark tone of red and you wonder which of your squad members blood it was. Memories flash through your mind; laughter over a drink on a rare evening off with your crew, teasing during trainings, proudness as you watch them take down their first titan. As quickly as it started, it quickly ends and you feel a strangled scream erupt from the back of your throat, the reality of their deaths crashing down on you. All you’d have of them now would be memories.

You hit the concrete wall with your fist as you cry, the pent up emotion spilling out from years of keeping your feelings in check. The pain as your knuckles scrape against the hard material keeps you grounded from completely losing it. As you move to hit the wall again, you feel a hand grab your wrist, stopping you. You turn your head to see Levi standing there with a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His blue eyes lock on to yours and you can see the sadness that lingers in his gaze, equal to the worry that is held in them too. “I just…fuck I just…I don’t even know”, you cry. Levi pulls you towards him, not caring that your wet body soaks his clothes, he wraps his arms tightly around you, holding you. “Just let it out”, he whispers.

The two of you stand in a tight embrace for a long time as you cry into his shoulder, before the tears eventually subside. You pull away from him slightly, a guilty expression evident on your face. You open your mouth to apologize, you’d never been this emotional in front of Levi before. However Levi just shakes his head, “Don’t, sometimes we need to let it out”, he tells you. Levi leans up to briefly kiss your forehead before stepping away to grab you a towel. When he comes back you let him towel you off, relishing in his gentle touches.

You quickly put on some fresh clothes before you finally step out of the shower house, back into the dark hallway. “I suppose it’s too late to give the commander my report”, you muse as the two of you walk down the hall. Levi makes no effort to talk about the breakdown you’d just had. But that was Levi, never forcing you to talk about things until you were ready to. “Seeing as it’s two in the morning, probably not. Do it first thing the morning”, Levi tells you, as he opens the bedroom door. You nod your head as you step through the threshold, kicking your boots off as he quickly changes out of his wet uniform.

As the two of you slide underneath the covers you turn to face Levi, scooting closer to him. “Thank you”, you whisper. He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him, maneuvering your head to his chest. “I’m always here for you”, he simply says, leaning down to kiss your temple. “Now sleep”, he commands softly as you snuggle into his body, feeling a bit better. You knew a simple cry session would wasn’t going to fix this, but you knew with Levi by your side you’d get through it.

[supergirl000983]

Random Outta Pocket moments on the Ranch.

Y/N: *Falls off horse* Fuck…Ouch

Travis: You ok Darlin?

Beth: *Watching her sister walk funny up to the gate* What’s the matter with you?

Y/N: My Thong is Thonging a little too hard.

Travis: *Looking up at the sky questioning his wife choices* Dear God

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: *Falling on the couch between Travis and Beth* Damn what a week.

John: Sweetheart it’s 6:30 pm on a Monday

Y/N: *falling back into Travis* Jesus Christ Fuck me.

Travis: Not Jesus, but I can totally do that later tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: Your existence confuses me greatly.

Jimmy: How so?

Y/N: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of something bad happening to you is upsetting to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John: Are yall sober?

Beth while holding up Y/N: We are moderately functional.

John: I'll take that as a no.

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Y/N: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Dutton way. Which is the wrong way, but faster.

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Kayce - Travis, what did I say about PDA?

Travis: *with Y/n on his lap and in the middle of a make-out session* I don't know what you're talking about brother.

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Colby: I'm a real asset.

Ryan: You're only off by two letters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teeter: Between Ryan, Jimmy, Colby, and Walker - if you had to, who would you punch?

Y/N: No one - they're my friends! I wouldn't punch any of them.

Lloyd: Walker?

Y/N: Yeah, but I don't know why.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kayce: Where's Jamie?

Beth: Somewhere disappointing Dad

Y/N: Somewhere disappointing God

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: "Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Teeter!"

Teeter: "You can't expect me to look into your eyes and be straight."

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Travis: Why is your back all scratched up?

Y/n : *flashbacks to messing with a chicken Travis told her not to mess with

Y/n: I'm having an affair

Travis: What?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kayce: I thought Beth told you to stay in bed

Y/n: She did, but there's a scary monster in my closet, soooo here I am

Rip: was the monster scarier than Beth when She's mad?

Y/n:...

Y/n: I'm going back to bed

Travis: good girl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kayce : I think your mom mixed up our lunches. Look.

holds up a post-it note that says "I'm proud of you and I love you so much."]

Tate: Oh, that explains this.

holds up a post-it note that says

"Please be good. For the love of God, be good. "]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John: If you three can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone-

Y/N: Oh please...

Beth: *Fake smiles*

Jamie: We're not children.

John: ...*walks away*

Y/N: ...

Jamie: ...

Beth: …

Y/N: Fucking Cunt-Cakes

Beth: Eat shit and die.

Jamie: Yes, fuck you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walker: You know, Travis, real talk bro, you never say nothin' when you're around us. Why is that?

Travis: Cause I don't fucking like you guys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John: Don't pull any of those stunts like you did last time.

Y/N: I made an offering.

John: You dropped a dead mouse into Summer’s lap.

Y/N: Yes! Like a cat.

John: You are not a cat!

Y/N: No... tragically, I am a woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sheriff : Think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Y/N: If you can ask them without the usual level of stupid.

Sheriff : Where's your Dad and why hasn't anyone been able to contact him?

Y/N: I dunno, l've been here, haven't seen him in days.

Sheriff : Is he drinking again?

Y/N: What do you mean again? He never had to stop.

Sheriff: But he did have to slow down, is he drinking like he used to?

Y/N: Alright, how bout this? Next time I see him, l'll give him the field sobriety test, okay? We'll do the alphabet, start with F & end with U.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Beth and Summer arguing*

Kayce: …

Monica: …

Rip: …

John: …

Y/N: l'ma instigate.

Travis: *pulling her back and putting his hand over her mouth* NO!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Travis: *pissed off* Sometimes I can't stand you.

Y/N: *while walking away* Then kneel!And while you're down there, occupy your mouth.

Travis: I.....

Teeter: 000000....

Jimmy: I- I-... She has no fear. None. Absolutely no survival instinct, no self preservation. None!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Travis: To apologize I’m getting you whatever flowers you want

Y/N: Fuck flowers buy me a horse.

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Kayce: Won't be gone long. Left everyone their own list of instructions while I ain't here.

Y/N: Mine just says "Y/N, no."

Rip: Apply it to everything

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: Why don't you ever take me outside in the middle of the night to look at the stars?

Travis: Cause I woke ya up at 4:30 once to hunt with me and ya said anything before 9am was costin' me my dick.

Y/N: Maybe I meant you'd get laid.

Travis: Ya had a knife, Y/N.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rip: What's wrong?

Travis: Food's hot. Can't eat it.

Y/N: I'm hot.

Travis:*looking exasperated* Don't.

Y/N: You still eat me.

Everyone at the table: *crickets chirping*

John: *beating his forehead on the table* Just-one-normal dinner. I just want one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby: The fuck's wrong with you?!

Teeter: *sipping her coffee* Wow, could you at least say good morning?

Colby: Good mornin. The fuck's wrong with you?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lloyd: what's a word that's a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Jake: disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Jimmy: smad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: I’m a person that likes to think things through.

Jamie: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beth: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Rip: Sure!

Rip: Whats your favorite color?

Beth: *laser fucking focused* Triangle. Do you love me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[sluttysnowangel666]

The Song of Blackwoods & Brackens: Chapter 15

masterlist

Chapter 15: The Battle of the Burning Mill

cw: graphic depictions of war

𐂃 𐂃 𐂃 𐂃

I didn't know how I got there. All I knew was that these moments were about to be my last.

Everything had happened so quickly. The situation spiraled out of control before I even realized it was occurring.

Smoke was everywhere, bodies were everywhere. I couldn't walk without stepping on someone. I knew I was going to die. I could barely walk, could barely see.

I could live with dying. I made my bed, I'm ready to lie in it.

He and I were doomed from the start. I loved him; It ruined my life.

———

"I wish I could keep my hands off of you." Benjicot says, kissing my forehead repeatedly.

"Touch me all you want, Benji. We've got a month of time to make up for." He smiles, continuing to plant gentle kisses on me.

He holds me close, our bodies still wet and cold from the water. "Does something trouble you?" He asks.

I sigh, "How could you tell?" I pause for a moment. "I just... I curse the Gods for making me as they did."

"What do you mean?"

"A Bracken." I say, saddened. "A Bracken woman."

I turn to face him before continuing, "I want to love you freely with no consequence. I want to stay in bed all day and eat cake with you. I want my brother to love me, despite what I'm doing to our house, to my duty."

"Fuck duty." He says.

"I wish we could just run away together. Live here, hunt, fight, fuck, build our land, maybe our own new house... A family."

"What would you name our house?" He asks.

"Brackwood." I jest, and he laughs.

"You truly do something strange to my heart, my lady." He says. "I think we should return. Midday is nearly upon us."

He pulls me up. We dress and begin our walk back. I don't know why, but I feel an impending sense of doom.

We make it back to the edge of the woods, when Benjicot pulls me in for a tight kiss.

"I love you, my lady." He whispers into my lips. "I've loved you since the day I met you."

"I love you in return, Lord Blackwood."

We part, painfully, like getting a limb cut off during a fight.

I make my way back to the castle, and my heart sinks at the sight before me.

My brother's horse, my uncles carriage, and... a Lannister carriage.

"Oh, no. Oh, Gods no." I whisper to myself. I turn to run, but I turn right into the arms of my uncle.

I gasp in shock, I try to break from his arms but he has me tight.

"Uncle-"

"Be quiet!" He yells. I immediately burst into tears. My uncle curses and drags me into Stone Hedge as I cry and fight and drag my feet.

He covers my mouth to keep the Lannister lords from hearing me sob as we pass the council chambers. He opens my door and shoves me inside to the floor.

"I've had enough of this. You will get out of your brother's clothes this instant or I will cut them off you myself, get you in that bloody dress, and let that Lannister wed and bed you here and now!"

"You wouldn't dare!" I scream at him through tears. He unsheathes his sword.

"Is this how you dare treat the Lady of House Bracken?" I yell as he yanks me by my arm, using his sword to rip through the fabric of the back of my tunic. "Your own brother's daughter?"

He turns me around, forcing me to look upon the most angriest stare I'd ever seen from his eyes. He raises his hand, and lands a cold, harsh slap across my cheeks. I fall to the floor, holding my cut cheek from his ring in pain. "You are to never speak to me of my brother again, or I will have your head. Fuck the Lannister alliance, I will behead you myself."

He waits, but when I say nothing he exits my chambers; My cheek bloody, my clothes ripped, everything perfect beginning to fall apart.

My sadness began to grow into anger. I was so stupid. I did this to myself. It was mine own fault for falling in love with him. I should've just left when I had the chance,

married the Lannister. I hated this place, I hated my brother for never caring, my uncle for the same, the servants, the handmaidens, the other lords. All they did was watch and let it happen.

I stood up and stormed outside, but the guard my uncle placed outside my door grabbed my wrist.

"Let me go. This will be your only warning."

He laughed. "Your uncle said you weren't to leave this room... He said I could use any force I wanted to keep you here."

I unsheathed my sword. He was quick, but I was quicker. With one shove I slammed my sword into his stomach. He fell to his knees, the blood eliciting gurgling, choking sounds as he began to drown in his own blood.

He fell on his face, dead.

I had killed my first man.

While I didn't know it yet, I would kill hundreds more in less than an hour.

I went outside, straight to the boundary stones. My tunic was almost ripped entirely, revealing my whole backside, but I didn't care. I was fuming with so much anger, fear, adrenaline. Nothing would stop me. I was going slightly mad.

I began moving the stones, one by one, by myself. Nothing was about to get in my way.

"Aeron!" I turn and look, to see some Bracken men walking towards me. "You moving the bloody stones again?" They ask laughing.

"Yes." Is all I respond. They begin to help, and I don't make any attempt to stop them. Within 10 minutes, there's a small enough clearing for the cattle to walk through. I chase them with my sword, herding them to the Blackwood land.

Twenty minutes pass of me sitting with the men along the stones, talking.

"Can you even get that thing up?" One of them asks about my sword.

"Well enough for killing Blackwoods." I say, and they laugh.

And then the sweetest voice, like a siren song to my ears, yells in anger.

"BRACKEN!"

I turn and look, unphased. I knew it would be him to come. No one else got more upset over the stones being moved than he did.

His eyes soften. He looks me up, confused at my disheveled appearance. He continues anyway, angry even more so now that he knows I messed with the stones.

"Put the boundary stones back." He says, stern, but not harsh. His way of warning me.

"We didn't move them!" I say, marching towards him.

"Oh, did they move themselves then? Just rolled their way over so Bracken cows can fill their bellies on Blackwood grass?"

"The assize of Riverrun-"

"Fuck the assize," He says, exasperated. "and fuck you. This is our land."

I look at the men behind him, weighing my options, then I look back to him.

"It's Bracken land." His eyes fume with anger, yet he's utterly confused if this is a jest. Was I alright? Everything had been such a dream this morning. He wondered what the bloody hell happened between then and now.

I ignore the snarl on his face and turn to walk away. "Babe killer." I mutter, loud enough for him to hear.

"What did you say?!" He knows it's no longer a jest now. I'm, for some reason, being serious. What he can't figure out is why. He's concerned, yet angry with my blatant disrespect. I stop, nodding my head. Will I do it? Do I dare begin this game?

I turn.

"Your false Queen Rhaenyra is a kinslayer."

He hides the shock in his eyes. Benjicot was fading, and Bloody Ben was returning. He's done with this bullshit game. If I'm willing to roll the dice, he's willing to take the gamble.

"Your uncle declared for Aegon... Did he?" He steps towards me. I say nothing. "Well, then. Let me tell you Aegon Targaryen is no true king."

He steps closer, mere inches away from my face. "Just as you... are no true knight."

I'm fuming, as is he. "You're both craven..." A shove to my chest, "Little..." another. "Cunts!" A final harsh shove, pushing me back into one of the Bracken men.

I unsheathe my sword, aiming it towards him.

He laughs, a frightening laugh, filled with anger and resentment. His lips curl into a smile and he glides his tongue over this teeth. "You wouldn't dare."

Is it a threat, or a plead not to do it?

"Y/N..." He whispers a quiet plea so only I can hear. The clarity began to hit me, the way he said my name like that. I had lost myself for a moment.

I lowered my sword, but it was too late.

One of the men behind me swung at one of the Bracken men, and from there it turned into a ballroom blitz.

The men around us began fighting, swinging their swords. The sound of the metal clashing was deafening.

Someone went to swing their sword at Benji, and I reflected it with my own. The man pushed me aside, shoving me into the boundary stone. I hit my head hard, immediately going dizzy. I touched the warm liquid seeping down my face, and turned to see Benji had struck down the man who pushed me.

He came to me, pulling me on my feet. "We have to go now."

More and more fights began breaking out. For every Blackwood that showed up, another Bracken did as well. The field was becoming surrounded with men, horses were whining, trying to avoid the cross fire. My uncle and brother run up, swords unsheathed, Lannister men hot on their heels.

"Go, now!" Benji yells at me, his voice is fuzzy due to the ringing in my ears.

"I won't leave your side." I yell.

"Y/N, no one is surviving this, go!" He shoves me behind him as my uncle approaches.

"Y/N?" Aeron asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

The fighting around us doesn't cease, in fact it grows, spreading like wildfyre.

"Aeron-"

"Your sister has been ruling in your stead, pretending to be you, Aeron." My uncle yells over the fighting. Aeron grows angry. He unsheathes his sword, going to step around Benji.

"Don't touch her." Benji warns, shoving Aeron back. Aeron stares, shocked.

"What in the Gods names have you done, Y/N?" My uncle asks, immediately understanding everything that has happened while he's been gone.

"Aeron." My uncle starts, "Bring me her head."

"Aeron, my blood, please." I beg.

He sighs, sadly. His voice cracks at his words, "I hope you'll forgive me, sister."

I shove past Benji, sword in my hand, raising it to fight my brother.

"Y/N!" Benji yells, preparing to swing at Aaron.

"Benji, stay back!" I command him. He's terrified to follow that order, but he does.

"Brother, listen to me-"

"How could you betray our family?" He sobs, our swords clashing together.

"We never were a family!" I yell in anger. "You don't know what he's done to me! You never cared! But, I still love you, brother! Please stop this." I cry.

Aeron brings his sword down, slicing it right down my eye.

I fall to the ground, screaming in agony. Blood poured down my face. I was blind. My brother, my twin, had cut out my eye.

Time slowed, yet the next events transpired so fast.

I looked up with my good eye, my brother standing over me, Benjicot with his sword slowly raising, ready to shove it into Arron's back.

My brother cocks his sword back, ready to take my head clean off. I take my hand off my eye, picking up my sword with both hands. It nearly slips from all the blood.

I shove it into my brother's stomach.

The world goes silent. Everyone watches. I just killed the heir to Stone Hedge.

I sob, and pull out my sword. His hands move to his stomach, and he falls to his knees in front of me.

"My blood." I sob, cradling his head in my hands. "I'm so sorry."

"Sister..." His bloody hand reaches up to cradle my bloody cheek. "I am sorry... Sorry I wasn't... a better brother."

He coughs, spitting up blood. I pull him into my lap, sobbing. "We... were born into this world, my sister, but we were never meant to die together."

He closes his eyes, and they never reopen. I sob, cradling his body to my chest. I kiss his head. My childhood best friend, the one I played with, who raised me until my Uncle took him under his possessive control.

"You dare mourn him, when this is your bloody fault. You killed the heir, you whore. You're no true Bracken."

I look up at my uncle, my chest rising and falling with intense anger. Tears fall from my eye.

Benji stares at me, fearful of the woman he loved turning into a mad man before him.

I stand, my brother's body lying at my feet. The fighting continues.

"Kill them all!" I cry out, "Kill every fucking Bracken and Lannister until their line is dead!"

"Get back, Y/N!" Benjicot yells, shoving my arm down to keep me from raising my sword.

"Stand back, My Lord!" A Lannister yells, standing in front of my uncle with his sword drawn.

Bodies start dropping like flies, and in the chaos I lose sight of my uncle. Benji fights behind me the whole time, both of us protecting each other's backs.

I suffer a severe blow to my leg, the gash is deep, making it near impossible to walk on.

"My Lady, you must go immediately." Benjicot says, holding me up to keep me from falling.

"Find my fucking uncle." I mumble.

"It's over! You must go! I will finish this for you, that I swear, My Lady."

I shove him off me, balancing on my good leg. "Don't lose sight of who you are, Y/N. Go now, before it's too late."

"My brother is gone. I will kill my uncle, even if it kills me."

"Then I'm sorry for what I'm about to do." Benji says, holding his sword towards me.

"Why are you protecting him?!" I yell.

"I'm protecting you! Don't be a fool! I will not lose you!"

"Do what you must." I say, raising my sword back. He sighs. I give him one last look, blood covers him from head to toe.

"Don't. Don't make me do this." He begs.

"I always knew you were a cunt, Blackwood." I say. He cries, red tears falling down his cheeks.

"Please. I'm begging."

I swing my sword at him, but he blocks it. The unfortunate part for him is he trained me. I know his moves. I know how to best him.

We fight. I fume with rage, he cries in sadness, both of us mourning who we were just a day ago.

I swing, but he knocks my sword out of my hand and sneaks upon me from the right, where my eye no longer could see him. He grabs my wrist, and I gasp.

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

Everything goes dark.

[onmyyan]

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

A/N: here comes the boy NOT EDITED

TW'S: FEM READER, YANDERE, STALKING, MANIPULATION, MURDER, MENTION OF PIGS EATING CORPSES NOT GRAPHIC 👁️👄👁️, READER GETS CALLED PRETTY GIRL

Ashley Hunt HC's

The idealized western cowboy in a modern man's body.

6'6 and wide as a barn, Ashley is an old-fashioned type of beautiful, looks like someone straight out of an Old Western.

His sandy hair has a habit of falling in his eyes when he's working so he often wears a brown leather hat he'd gotten from his Father to prevent this.

He has this habit when he's thinking where he plays with his lips, it's very distracting.

Smells and looks like he's just come running from somewhere- never unpleasant though, it's a mix of sweat and the country air.

Always has that saccharine smile on his handsome face.

Has a loud, goofy laugh, his eyes light up when he does it and his nose scrunches in the cutest way.

He's polite to everyone he meets but he is far from a pushover.

Hates bullies of any kind. Takes on the hero role whenever he's confronted with injustice.

If he sees something wrong he can't just sit by and not do something.

Which isn't hard considering this big mf hauls farm equipment around for a living, he's had to wrestle rowdy bulls into their pens before, he can take another person down easily.

Holds the door open for you every time. Don't even think about touching that handle.

His go-to look is a pair of denim Levi jeans (man's got serious cake when he's working all the strong muscles in his thighs bulge), a white tank that sits on his flesh like a second skin, if it isn't too hot he'll throw on a flannel.

Got a BAMF belt buckle as a gag gift one year but he unironically loves it.

Does this thing where he stands at his full height, stares down at you, his hat casting a dark shadow over his heated stare, both of his big, strong hands rested comfortably on the buckle, it made your knees weak every time.

Knows you have a thing for his voice so he likes to come up from behind and gently kiss just below your ear,

"Hey there Sugar Bear."

All his clothes look well-loved and worn, he don't care much for how he looks, which is ironic since the whole town calls him a pretty boy.

Looks like someone pulled him straight out of one of those sexy country man calendars.

He's a pretty confident guy, except when it comes to you, of course, then he turns into a bumbling teenager trying to talk to his crush without fumbling over his words.

Gets all red and blushy when you call him pretty. Literally has to fan himself with his hat.

You like to randomly shower him with compliments and he gets so flustered he has to stop what he's doing to kiss you.

"Good lord woman yer gonna' put me in an early grave."

For a while, you had to avoid the friendly farmer because the mere sight of him hauling hundred-pound stacks of hay like they weighed nothing had you feeling some not-so-platonic things.

Has you sweating like a sinner in church just from one well-timed boyish smile.

His wavy locks are a few different shades of dirty blonde, he's almost always wearing his hat in an effort to keep his bangs outta his eyes,

The times he took the damn thing off were your favorite cuz the way his hair fell around his face, framing it beautifully, you could really see all of his marble-carved features.

Takes his hat off inside, of course, his mama raised him right.

Works on his family's farm, he grew up working the fields with his Pa so hard work is in his blood.

When he starts something he finishes it. No matter what.

That includes pursuing you as his one and only.

Sun-kissed skin from being outside all day.

He can play the acoustic guitar and loves to sing to himself during his free time.

Voice is deep and warm.

Really good at puzzles.

Loves the idea of a big family but at the same time is so possessive of you and your attention that he battles with the idea.

Likes to draw for fun, mostly sketches and stuff is really good at it.

He likes to sketch you most of all.

Has dozens upon dozens of journals filled with your visage, he doesn't think he can ever truly capture your beauty.

Really self-sufficient if something breaks down in your house and you don't wanna spend a fortune calling some company, you called Ashley Hunt, and he never asked for anything in return either.

Whenever he goes to town people always stop him for something, be it for his help or to give him some goods as thanks, he never leaves empty-handed.

The whole town just adores him, so much so that if you ever tried to run from him, try to use the townsfolk to hide, they'd lure you into a false sense of security, convincing you they'd drive you outta town, only to hand deliver you back to Ash.

He's a protective/possessive/worshiper kinda Yandere.

The first time you meet you're just moving into your Gran's old farmhouse, he knows your Grandma well as she's the closest neighbor to his Farm, he'd been regularly helping her out with household chores or busy work whenever she asked.

The day he sees you hop out of her pick-up, he swore his heart skipped seven different beats.

Your delicious-looking form was clad in these little shorts, no doubt trying to combat that county heat. The black t-shirt you had on was rolled up at the sleeves showing off your arms, he watched them flex as you hauled a box over your shoulder like it was nothing.

His throat goes dry, sweat begins beading at his temple, and it's not the 90-degree weather, you helped your grandmother out of the car with a graceful smile and a certain kind of sweetness, the sight had a swarm of butterflies going wild in his belly.

He saw the remaining boxes stacked in the back of the truck and knew he'd found his ticket in.

You'd come back outside to the towering man at the edge of the yard, hat in hand, he'd shoot you that star-studded smile, voice sounding like melted butter.

"Hello there Miss, my name's Ashley Hunt, I'm your next-door neighbor, I just came on by to check if y'all needed a hand." He gestured towards the truck with his hat.

Then you had the nerve to shoot him that damned smile, so bright and full of life it nearly knocked him out of his socks.

He spends the rest of the day helping you move in, the conversation flowing so easily by the time you two stopped talking it was well past midnight.

He learned so much about you, just from this one convo he knows everything he needs to about you.

And you're perfect.

"I sure am sorry for keeping you up so late sweetheart." Running his hands through his hair he couldn't keep his eyes off you.

He watched you visibly light up at the pet name and couldn't fight the smirk pulling at his lips.

"Don't worry about it! I was having so much fun- again thank you so much for all your help today." You looked so sweet standing there next to him, he was a good head or so taller than you, you looked up at him with those beautiful (e/c) eyes and he had to fight the strong urge to hold you against his chest.

Knows from that night alone you're his Darling.

It's inevitable you spend time with him, as he was your closest neighbor.

He finds any and all excuses to come over in the beginning.

"This floorboard feels a little loose, I'll come by later n' fix her up."

"That window feels a bit drafty hun, why don't I get a handle on that."

Eventually, he runs out of stuff to repair and builds the courage to just ask you out for a romantic dinner at his place. He doesn't cook anything fancy, but it does taste good a real homemade meal.

He thinks long and hard about how to show you he's the one and comes up with a teeth-rottingly cute idea.

Leads you by a gentle hand out to his field where he'd prepared a soft blanket and several throw pillows, fairy lights were strung up on the fence nearest, casting a warm glow on the scene.

After you spend hours talking and giggling, you lay back against the soft blanket and stare up at the clear sky.

Well, you were busy with the stars, he was busy staring at you.

"Ain't you a pretty picture."

That night after he walks you home, just before you turn to say goodnight, cups your face in one hand, "Can I kiss you pretty girl?" And when you breathlessly nod yes, he brings his other hand to the back of your neck and softly pulls you the rest of the way in.

He kisses you the same way soldiers kiss their wives before war, takes the breath outta you both.

Loves when you do anything domestic if you cook at his place or oh my god for him? He's whipping out the ring before the plates are clear.

Or when you stay the night for the first time, he's immediately addicted to the way you feel in his arms, and literally cannot sleep without you by his side look what you've done.

His morning voice is to die for.

"G'mornin' pumpkin." He has the biggest grin on his face when he wakes up, likes to trace his fingers on your bare skin.

You put his hat on once as a goof but he freezes in place, his face is beet red and his breath gets all heavy.

"Don't move a muscle Darlin'- lemme get a good look at ya'."

"Mm mm mm- now that's a sight a man could get used to."

Sleeps naked, if you're uncomfortable with it he'd throw on some boxers but that's it.

Runs too hot for much else.

Sleeps on his stomach and likes to stare at you when he does it.

Hold his hand and he will giggle like a little kid.

He's a lot smarter than he looks so his Yandere tendencies are easy to hide.

"C'mere sweetheart, don't think we're leaving the bed yet."

He's slowly getting you used to the idea of being his housewife, just wants to take care of you.

Like I said before he's beloved by the entire town so if anyone ever tried something with you he didn't approve of (smile at you a little too hard, make you laugh, get too close for his liking) all he's gotta do is give em' that look and if they're smart enough they back right on off.

However if their self-preservation doesn't kick in at that murderous glare, he gives em' one and only one warning to stay away from what was his. It's only polite.

If they did, Ashley would be all smiles and buddy-buddy. You'd never even know something was wrong.

If they don't back down though, well that's what he keeps pigs for.

Did you know pigs can eat a whole body in like three hours? Cuz Ashley knows.

[cinnbar-bun]

Zoro Birthday HCs!

Rating: SFW + NSFW hcs (NSFW under read more)

A/n: these were posted during his birthday im only just posting it here now haha.

GN reader and pronouns.

Read at my ao3 here!

SFW

It’s Zoro’s birthday! Yay! And that means lots of celebrating.

Or, in Zoro’s case, it means more napping and drinking.

Yes, it is a bit different but Zoro likes more lowkey birthday celebrations where he can rest as an excuse.

“Fine, since you’re twisting my arm about it, I’ll just go and lay down.”

He says, as if he wasn’t smiling and wanting to sleep after eating you and Sanji’s birthday breakfast.

He mostly wants birthday cuddles and kisses while he’s trying to sleep. He wants to have you slung on him like a koala and snoring in his ear for his nap.

He admits he doesn’t really need any gifts, but he’s not going to complain if you got him something. He’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth when you reveal the gift box(es) to him.

If you get him something personalized or something like jewelry, expect him to glance in confusion at you.

“Why’d you get me something like this? Not really the fashionable type, ya know.”

But he will be wearing it every day from then on and will never take it off.

Author note: god he’d look ridiculously hot with a thin gold chain on his neck and I want it so bad.

Drinks a lot tonight. He’s going to deny that his birthday is anything special but he’s chugging it like he’s liberated another country. Maybe it’s because you and the crew care so much that it makes a day he normally skips on so full of love and joy.

Sanji made the cake (and designed it at your discretion) so Zoro acts like it ain’t shit.

“It’s just a cake. No need to go crazy over it.”

He ate like three slices before Luffy barged in and swallowed the rest of it.

He continues to have a great day with the crew after they make sure to throw him a small party as well as give him their gifts.

Speaking of gifts…

NSFW

When you tell Zoro you have another gift for him in his quarters, well, he’s a bit shocked. You already did so much for him, and you’re giving him another gift?

He follows your instructions and finds you on his bed, naked, pressing one his swords against your body while you’re holding a bottle of expensive sake.

Let’s just say his fourth sword started getting up.

He can’t wait to dive in and have fun with this “gift.”

He manhandles you a bit more, holding you tightly and gripping your hips while he’s busy kissing you roughly and exploring your mouth.

He enjoys drinking the sake from your mouth in these scenarios, mostly because he likes to fluster you enough to let it drip from your mouth.

He also likes to lay you down and pour the sake on your body so he can lick and slurp it up. The sounds are almost so obscene it makes you turn red.

“Eyes on me. Don’t get shy on me now. You’re the one who wanted to give me this gift, right?”

He’s happily performing oral on you over and over, to the point where you’re wondering if he remembers it’s his birthday, not yours.

If you insist on giving him oral, he ain’t complaining. Just know he’ll be a bit rougher and grip your hair tighter. And the stuff he’s whispering and telling you is so sinful, it’s almost impossible not to feel your heart race.

“Fuck. Just like that. You can take more. I know you can.”

You two are going at it all night, and while Zoro normally is keen on keeping you quiet, tonight, he throws caution into the wind and doesn’t care how loud you are. Heck, he even starts encouraging you to scream his name.

“Just like that, baby. Who’s fucking you this good?”

Maybe it’s the alcohol making him rather tipsy enough to not give a shit about what could be going on.

When you two finish after a long night, he pulls you in close and kisses the top of your head.

“Hey… I don’t think I thanked you for today… thanks. Really.”

You’re falling asleep on his chest but the look in his eyes is so full of love and adoration for you, and he sighs happily knowing he’s got you.

You’re the best thing in his life, and he knows that despite all the gifts he got today… you’re still the best gift he could ever ask for or even deserve.

So he presses another kiss to your forehead and enjoys the afterglow of a wonderful birthday night, his mind drifting away to things he could do for you.

[selkiewife]

Alicent's relationship with Dragons

“The idea that we control the dragons is an illusion.”

This is a fascinating quote and I love how it builds on the dragon lore we already see being established in asoiaf with Daenerys:

She would sooner have returned to Meereen on dragon's wings, to be sure. But that was a desire Drogon did not seem to share. The dragonlords of old Valyria had controlled their mounts with binding spells and sorcerous horns. Daenerys made do with a word and a whip. Mounted on the dragon's back, she oft felt as if she were learning to ride all over again. When she whipped her silver mare on her right flank the mare went left, for a horse's first instinct is to flee from danger. When she laid the whip across Drogon's right side he veered right, for a dragon's first instinct is always to attack. Sometimes it did not seem to matter where she struck him, though; sometimes he went where he would and took her with him. Neither whip nor words could turn Drogon if he did not wish to be turned. ~ A Dance With Dragons, Daenerys X

And I also love how it is supported throughout the whole first season of House of the Dragon, both literally (as with Aemond and Luke at the end) and symbolically with Otto and Alicent.

I've been thinking a lot about the symbolism of trying to control dragons in Alicent's arc. Throughout the first season, Otto attempts to use his daughter to control "dragons of flesh" (Rhaenyra and Viserys.) The first part of Otto's plan was to have Rhaenyra supplant Daemon as the heir and I noticed on this second rewatch that Alicent may have been tasked by Otto to encourage Rhaenyra's ambition for the throne:

ALICENT: You're worried your father is about to overshadow you with a son. RHAENYRA: I only worry for my mother. I hope for my father that he gets a son. As long as I can recall, it's all he's wanted. ALICENT: You want him to have a son? RHAENYRA: I want to fly with you on dragonback, see the great wonders across the Narrow Sea, and eat only cake. ALICENT: I'm being serious. RHAENYRA: I never jest about cake. ALICENT: You aren't worried about your position? RHAENYRA: I like this position. It's quite comfortable.

Rhaenyra's flirting aside (I'll get to that later lol), Alicent seems very intent on discussing Rhaenyra's position as heir. I think that Alicent has true concern for Rhaenyra's desires (and she knows her very well) but she has also been told by her father to encourage those desires in Rhaenyra. Even though Otto is trying to manipulate the situation, I think Alicent is happy to comply because to her mind, making her best friend the heir to the throne is really a win win for everyone- her father, Rhaenyra, the realm, etc. Her own desires align with Otto's at this point.

But then Otto tasks Alicent to essentially "break" her "dragon bond" with Rhaenyra and establish one with the king instead. This is when things really begin to fall apart for Alicent because her desires absolutely do not align with "claiming" Viserys. But she does as her father bids and begins a long, traumatic arc of trying to control dragons- both Viserys and later her "dragon" sons, Aegon and Aemond (as we see at the end of Season 1 and from the trailers of Season 2.) But this is doomed to fail because, as Viserys himself says, control of dragons is an illusion.

I think it is also doomed to fail because Alicent is also trying to control her own dragons- that is to say, her own desires. I think that the dragons- and her fear of riding them- is symbolic of Alicent’s sexuality and her feelings toward Rhaenyra. The first thing that Rhaenyra says to Alicent in the show after she climbs off Syrax is that she wants to take Alicent dragon riding with her. But Alicent declines:

ALICENT: Syrax is growing quickly. She'll soon be as large as Caraxes. RHAENYRA: That's almost large enough to saddle two. ALICENT: I believe I'm quite content as a spectator, thank you.

There is a moment where Rhaenyra registers the rejection while Alicent turns to go inside the carriage- which looks similar to a cage. Rhaenyra looks back at Syrax who is lead away into the dragon pit- also a cage- before going in after her.

Rhenyra's invitation to join her on her dragon is an intimate one in my opinion. It reminds me of Rhaena taking Elissa to ride on Dreamfyre. Dragons can symbolize power but I think they can also symbolize sexuality, freedom, and gender fluidity. As Maester Aemon said in asoiaf:

"Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame." ~ A Feast for Crows, Samwell IX

Rhaenyra talks about flying with Alicent again when they are in the godswood and Alicent responds by becoming flustered and attempting to leave. I think that flying on a dragon symbolizes a kind of freedom- and perhaps a kind of sexual freedom that frightens her. So by shutting that conversation down it symbolizes how she is trying to shut down that part of her as well. She is trying to control the "dragons" of her own desires- to keep them locked up in a cage. Unfortunately, "there is a beast beneath the boards" and her desires (like dragons) cannot be caged indefinitely. They will eventually be let out- even if it is in a very destructive way.

[emo-emu64]

The Princess's Favor

Knight! Zack X Princess!Reader

Isaac Foster was considered a monster by most, a threat by all. A dangerous beast of a man, cut-throat, and stone faced. A valiant soldier that quickly climbed the ranks of the palace's guards. Ruthless in his endeavors to protect the royal family. In his endeavors to protect you.

That was how everybody else saw him at least, you considered him a giant teddy bear.

"Pretty please?"

It wasn't often that you were seen without your personal guard but, his patrols along the outside of the castle walls were supposed to be an exception. 

That became more and more of a rarity, however, as you asked him more often that not to accompany him. And he never quite figured out how to say no to you.

"Princess, it's not safe. Have you even asked your father?"

He avoided your gaze as he tended to his horse, knowing that he couldn't resist the big doe eyes that seemingly granted you everything you'd ever wished for.

He didn't mind though, not really, he'd conquer every kingdom this side of the sea if you looked at him like that.

"My father trusts you, I don't have to ask him about every little adventure. Besides, it's perfectly safe as long as I have you!"

He heaved a sigh as he finally met your gaze, big eyes and a hopeful smile, "Go get your bag."

You cheered, wrapping your arms around him briefly as you thanked him, then pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, running back to the stables where you had put your belongings.

A fortunate enough thing for Zack, as he was able to briefly stifle the smile that graced his lips.

Although, he couldn't say the same for when you came sprinting back, satchel slung over your shoulder, grinning from ear to ear.

Zack helped you up into the saddle first, like a true gentleman, before sliding comfortably in place behind you. 

You leaned back into his warmth, a comforting and familiar feeling. Safe, like home.

You brace yourself as the horse takes off like a shot into the woods. Zack weaves through trees and branches with ease, and his horse keeps a steady and sure footing on the mossy and mud-caked earth.

The wind in your hair is as exhilarating as always, and you raise your arms outward, throwing your head to the sky to cheer.

Zack pretends he doesn't find immeasurable joy in your joy by lightly flicking the back of your skull, leaning down closer to you so you can hear him over the rushing wind in your ears.

"Hands on the saddle, princess, gotta bring you back in one piece if I wanna keep my job."

You laugh as you bring your arms back down to your sides, keeping a firm hold to the horn of the saddle, simply because he asked you to. No matter how much danger he thought you may be in, you knew there was never any danger of you falling. Not with his strong arms on either side of you holding the reins. You felt invincible. 

Zack slows the horse to a stop as a clearing comes into view, filled with wildflowers and ferns of all kinds. You and Zack have found a plethora of spots during his patrols, but this one was by far your favorite. 

You often convinced Zack to eat lunch here. Bringing a basket of snacks from the kitchen, which was probably more sweets and pastries than an actual meal, but who's to say?

Zack dismounted in order to help you down, gently taking your hand.

As soon as your feet met the ground you quickly searched through your bag until you found the familiar feel of a small tin, opening to pick out a single sugar cube. You flattened your palm, holding the sweet treat out to the horse.The horse in question took your offering gratefully and gently.

The horse had an ashy coat, with a tail and mane of deep ebony. He was tall and strong, obedient from years of battle. His name was Mortifer, a fitting name considering his rider, meaning death bringer. Although, enemies of the kingdom often called him Pallidus Equus. 

The Pale Horse.

"You're going to make him fat," Zack chastised. 

"Zack, this is the most physically active horse in the kingdom, he's not going to get fat."

You turned back to the horse lifting you hand to stroke his neck, and he huffed gently nudging you with his nose, "You're not fat, huh? Zack's just a big meanie." You turned back to face your guard, "See? You made him sad."

Zack smirked and rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss you gently, "Whatever you say, princess."

Zack became so much more comfortable outside the castle walls, he was convinced that if your relationship was confirmed and brought to light, the two of you would be separated.

Of course this wasn't the truth, Zack was a hero in the eyes of the kingdom, not some lowly knight trying to quickly climb the ranks, it would be fine, encouraged even for him to marry royal. Not to mention the two of you were the worst kept secret in the kingdom. You went everywhere together, he looked at you like you were the sun, and you looked at him like he put the stars in the sky. Even the castle's head baker, a very kind but also very blind old man, could see that.

You lower yourself to the grass, leaning against the largest oak you could find, pulling out your most recent cross stitch to occupy your hands. Zack soon joins you, sharpening his numerous blades with the whetstone he keeps on hand.

After a good while of simply enjoying each other's company, you decide to break the silence with the question that's been plaguing your mind since you first heard the rumor from your father's associates.

"Zack?"

"Hm?" He looks up from his knife, twirling it in his hands. When he finds your face, his brows crease, taking in the sad look in your eyes.

You put down your project and turn to face him, hands gently settling in your lap, you look downwards as you play with a blade of grass, "Is it true that you're being sent on that campaign that my father is planning?"

Zack's lips form a thin line, and he sighs, "Figured you'd heard about that."

He feels his heart crack wide open when your face saddens, your usual cheeriness completely drained, "So you're going?"

He nods, and frowns, gently cupping your face as he sees tears form in your eyes, "It won't be long, princess, I promise."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to, I just... hadn't thought of how yet, I don't like seein' ya sad like this."

"You got hurt really bad on the last one Zack, I didn't know if your were going to make it."

The tears rimming your eyes fall freely down your cheeks now, and he gently wipes them away with his thumb. 

"I always make it, pretty thing, can't go leavin' ya all by yourself can I? You'll make my horse all fat and slow."

He smiles down at you as you giggle, and wrap your arms around his neck. 

"Oh!"

You jump to your bag rooting through it for your gift.

You pull out an embroidered handkerchief, pushing it into his open hands.

He opens it and grins at the stitches, its a field filled with flowers and trees, Zack thinks it looks very much like the one the two of you were currently seated in.

"You have to live, in order to bring it back to me. It's my favor."

He smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead, "You'll have it back in no time, princess."

[rottenpumpkin13]

Today is (hypothetically) Angeal’s birthday, and Zack has named himself party organizer, as this is a surprise birthday party. He drags Cloud, Sephiroth, and Genisis to help him, and the rest of SOLDIER volunteers to help. What shinanigans would happen?

Angeal's Birthday

• Angeal's birthday this year unfortunately falls on the same day he's away on a huge mission. The good news is that he's due to return that very evening!

• Zack has the idea to throw him a surprise birthday office party and gets Sephiroth, Genesis and Cloud in on it. He tells them his idea during lunch.

Zack: He's gonna love it! We can get a cake, play cool music, and we can even rent out some animals for a makeshift petting zoo!

Sephiroth: In light of Angeal's absence, I have to be the voice of reason and say that that's a bad idea.

Genesis: We can get you your own horse.

Sephiroth: The petting zoo is an excellent idea and I have never doubted you for a second.

• Cloud gets an idea. He stands up on the table and shouts for everyone to hear.

Cloud: HEY!

*Everyone stops eating and looks at him*

Cloud: We're throwing Angeal a surprise birthday party and everyone's in charge of planning it, okay? Everyone show up with their own activity or drinks or whatever you want to make the party fun.

*Genesis tugs at his pant leg*

Genesis: Isn't it unwise to—MMF! *Sephiroth covers his mouth*

Sephiroth: Do not take the horse away from me.

• Many hours later, Angeal comes back tired after a grueling three days in the Gongagan jungle. All he wants to do is report to Lazard and then take a long, relaxing bath—WHY IS THERE A MONITOR LIZARD WEARING A PARTY HAT!?

• Zack rushes after the lizard with a net while the creature scurries off.

Zack: GET BACK HERE! LIZARD DEUSERICUS DON'T IGNORE ME!

• Meanwhile Roche comes in carrying what's clearly a box of explosives.

Roche: Guys, are we sure these are fireworks? I'm gonna set one off just to make sure.

• Reno and Rude are manning the DJ table playing the most crass music known to man. Rude has a monkey on his shoulder.

• Tseng is coordinating a group of Turks who are filling a jacuzzi with foam.

• Roche sets off the explosives indoors.

• Director Lazard runs past Angeal and does a backflip, all while shouting "WOO-HOO!"

Genesis runs after him frantically.

Genesis: GUYS, DON'T EAT THE CAKE. THE BAKERY GOT THE ORDER WRONG. IT HAS WEED IN IT!

• Zack runs by again. He's screaming and crying. This time the monitor Lizard is chasing him.

• Roche shows up covered in soot and coughing.

Roche: *cough cough* Those weren't fire works.

• Lazard does a flip with athletic precision and runs off again. He's singing some pop song off-key while Genesis runs after him, also crying, pleading with him.

Genesis: PLEASE PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!

• Cloud rolls out of nowhere wrestling a clown on the floor. The two are locked in an avid fist fight.

Cloud: SON OF A BITCH. WHO SENT YOU!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

• The clown is turning blue.

• Angeal suddenly remembers that Cloud is afraid of clowns.

• The lizard is still chasing Zack, who's terrified screams fill the air.

• Tseng is yelling at Reno to turn off the music. He's playing My Neck, My Back at max volume.

• Genesis rushes by with his face covered in birthday cake. He has his arm around Lazard and the two are laughing. Genesis ate the weed cake. Genesis is high.

• Cloud is still fighting the clown while crying.

• Suddenly Sephiroth, shirtless, rides up to Angeal on a white horse.

Sephiroth: Happy birthday.

Angeal: Oh my god I'm done.

[captain-lessship]

White Knight

You were carefully balancing the pieces of fruit on the top of the cake. You had it all planned out in your mind: Sure! Here's a singular paragraph about a cake decorated with strawberries:

The cake would sit proudly on the kitchen counter. The most vibrant array of strawberries Forks could offer. They would be meticulously arranged in a circular pattern on the cake, adding an extra level of visual care.

At least, that’s what you would have wanted but the cake was slowly turning into a mess.

“You do know that I can’t eat it even if you made me?” A soft voice broke the air that was filled with focus yet sadness about your failed cake.

Jasper looked at you, noticing and feeling every variation of emotion you were feeling. You were sensitive, it was just a fact, none the less he worried about what might could happen if there ever came a time that he couldn’t easily slip in your mud room door.

“Love?” He asked, walking to rest his chin on your shoulder and loop his arms around you.

“Mhm?” You inquired, mind still half focused on the cakey disaster.

“Would you ever want to learn how to defend yourself?” He said, as bluntly as he could, this brought a small giggle from you.

“Defend myself? Why would I need that when I have you!”

While he was flattered, he couldn’t help true thoughts that plagued his mind.

“I have led you into a life of uncertainty. We live in a world where unexpected situations can arise. Learning self-defense can give you the confidence and skills to protect yourself if ever confronted with danger.”

You sighed, it was not easy to be the lover of a vampire whose family was prone to getting in trouble. With the addition of humans, you and Bella, that brought a whole new level of worry into your alls lives.

“I’ve never really been in any dangerous situations before where you haven’t been able to, you know, save me.”

He tilted his head to press a kiss to your cheek, “True, we have been fortunate that you have never needed to but it’s better to be prepared for the unexpected.” You laughed. He sounded like a National Geographic Explorer.

Although he appreciated your chuckles he knew that selfdefense wasn’t just about physical altercations; it’s about being aware of your surroundings and knowing how to react in various situations. It will keep you safer in the long run.

You could sense you were not going to with this discussion, “Where would I even start?”

And that led into a week long boot camp of Jasper waking you before the sun and not letting you go til it hung pumpkin orange in the sky. Were you his partner or a work horse.

You huffed as you laid down the final bag of sand, “Can you tell me why I am moving these?”

“Because,” he jabbed at your arm, “You need something to fall back on.”

You laughed until you saw he was serious.

Serious was something the small endeavor was not. Just as Jasper had finished explaining the various kicks, he realized you had slipped off. He sighed as he walked around looking for you.

He found you down by the river where you had already kicked off your shoes and rolled up you jeans and your long sleeves.

“What’re you doing?” He asked.

You wheeled around and looked at him, “I was looking at the rocks. And I saw one that I wanted.”

Jasper couldn’t help but smile at your antics. He will protect you. He promised himself that.

[cringefaecompilation]

the most dimension 20-ass moments in critical role so far

most of exu because aimee and robbie have huge d20 player energy, but these moments in particular:

fearne's shitty accent when she was faking being a ship's cook "NANCY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" "mother." "did you touch the circlet?" "yeah! that's how you hold stuff!" "if you were any gemstone, what would you be?" "i'd be a diamond cause they're hard as i am- WAIT NO NO NO NO" orym eating his own weight in pies dariax making it sound like one of opal's bullies sharted her pants with thaumaturgy

the fearne, orym and dorian intro where dorian goes "fearne, is this ship going to stop?" and she replies "i dunno, i think we're gonna crash :D"

"I NEED MORE CHILDREN!"

everyone miming eating breakfast sandwiches when they can't find bertrand

orym nearly getting bh killed because he said cake sucks to eshteross' face

imogen asking pretty out on a 3 (4) person date to help her friends not get caught, the resulting date and rejection, and all the times it gets brought up again

"maude."

"i was trying to keep a low profile!" "YOU'RE DRESSED AS THE NIGHTMARE KING!"

"HE PROPOSED!"

"what's wrong, daniel?"

everyone piling into an elevator at the same time and liam miming getting his face smashed into the wall

the entire twilight museum bit, but mostly just orym getting blocked from helping the gang three times in a row

"want some candy? wa-wa-want some candy?"

fearne spending her turn keeping watch by breathing a smiley face into ashton's head and then going back to sleep because she forgot they were taking turns

xandis

end episode "oh! right. hondir." start episode back up "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT ME THIS IS SUCH STUPID BULLSHIT!"

the karen culling

the entire first half of ep 33. esp fcg driving the crawler and ashton screaming "YOU ARE TOO OLD TO DRIVE"

"WE DON'T LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND" followed by everyone but ashton falling off the airship

"uh. guys. bones. fast. bones. lots of bones coming this way."

after a solid month of agonizing over laudna being possibly permadead she's brought back with a slap

"oops. i did it again"

fake orgy leading into horse fearne

ashton's offscreen sidequest and him using a 6th(?) level spell slot just to say "okay"

fearne's horrifying nana revealing she's got a juice bar

the goat float

"ALRIGHT, GUYS! WE'RE EATING JERRY!"

"he's OUR problematic beast!"

orym's mom showing everyone his little baby boots

a drag queen calling ashton hot after he barges in and throws trash on the floor for them to make an outfit out of

everyone interrogating an evil sword that clearly only lies and getting more and more pissed off at it as it does

orym talking to his dead family whilst laudna and chet fly overhead shooting bees at each other

feeding shithead to fcg

fearne nearly dying after spooning a pirate, getting him together with a girl that's crushing on him, and them both being so happy that they throw bh a party

"THERE WAS. NO. LIMBO." and orym quietly takes away the limbo vine

the literal shitstorm given to the party by Mi

hotboxing a tree

"TAKE YOUR NINTH LEVEL SPELL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS" was ic and i stand by it

wok sledding

imogen intimidating a reilora and then BOOKING IT behind a rock to gasp for air

[theboywithburninghands]

So I pushed through my writer's block. Here's the newest Funnybunny thing. Uh, well, sorta. It's got shipping stuff in it, but most of it is just Jax and getting into his thoughts, and a really nasty encounter with something horrible. The... fun kind of horrible though. Yeah, word of warning, this is a pretty violent little ditty, so if you're squeamish, I'd say either sit this one out or don't eat while reading? I'm damn proud of it either way LOL T/W: Violence, gore, vomit, horror

The Dollhouse Part 2: Reap What You Sow

Jax slid down the tube slide with his hands behind his head. You fall through enough trapdoors and they start to lose their shock value. The slide dropped into a pit full of something cottony and plush. Jax crinkled up his face upon recognizing what he just landed in. Corn silk. The cloyingly sweet smell of corn made him queasy, and he’d be picking strings of silk off of his clothes for hours. 

Jax: Not scary. Just annoying.

Jax climbed out of the pit, doing his best to dust himself off. Silk drifted off of him like hair off a shedding St. Bernard. After he was reasonably clean, he approached the door in front of him and nudged it open with his food. 

Inside was what appeared to be a disused barn, or at least an imitation of one. It was divided into a ground floor and a hayloft. The ground floor had only two things of note, a door, which appeared to be locked, and a tractor. One of those old fashioned ones that curved in the middle and had big wheels that looked more like those on a kid’s wagon than farm equipment. It was caked with rust and would probably crumble into scrap metal if someone managed to start the engine. A rickety wooden ladder led up into the hayloft above. Jax hummed and gripped one leg of the ladder, shaking it. Seemed climbable enough. 

Jax went over to the locked door, finding some words scratched into it with what looked like a knife.

Jax: “In your eye, a promise kept 

Through my eye, a line is swept

I trace the day, a circle spun

A hole in skin, a scarf begun. 

But beware, do not guess wrong

Or they will find you before long.”

Jax sniffed at the poem. Riddles, huh? Cute. Caine must’ve spent a while finding rhymes. Jax examined the lock, pausing to pick another piece of corn silk off his glove. He tried a few of the keys he had in his pocket, but they were all too thick. It was a pretty heavy padlock too, no real way to pick it. 

So what was the riddle for? In your eye, a promise kept… waaaait a minute. He was surrounded by hay. What did you go looking for in a stack of hay?

Jax: “Stick a needle in my eye.” Alright, fair point, Caine.

He smiled a bit at his deduction,  but now came the actual needle in a haystack part. He sighed, cracked his knuckles and began to climb up the ladder. It squeaked in protest a bit at Jax’s weight, and the third rung from the top made an ominous crunch when he stepped on it. He’d have to skip that one on the way down.

The hayloft was full of… well, hay. It might’ve been in bales once, but now it was a big, messy pile strewn over the baseboards. The hay on top was the usual healthy yellow color, but the hay on the bottom was damp and brown. Jax caught a whiff of rotten hay, the smell almost indistinguishable from horse manure. He looked around for a pitchfork or a shovel to make his life easier, but no such luck.

He sighed again, then began to toss hay off the loft, two handfuls at a time. It would have been easier with the others around. Heck, he could have just made the excuse that he wanted to watch for monsters down below while the others dug around in the hay. 

…Nah, it probably wouldn’t go that way anymore, actually. Pomni would scold him for it, or worse, give him those sad, wet puppy dog eyes. And then he’d do it so she’d want to cuddle with him later. 

…That, and it did feel nice to make her happy. Weird how that worked. 

Jax: *sudden coughing fit* Ugh… *hocks and spits* 

Damn haydust… it was like inhaling sand. He was gonna be feeling the grit in his throat for the rest of the day too. Man, he would have pulled out one of his teeth for a bottle of water and a hot shower right about now… Caine probably would have just thrown boiling hot soapy water on him if he asked, then told him to drink said boiling hot soapy water. Idiot.

Whatever. Maybe after the adventure he could go swim in the lake. If he did, Pomni might tag along. Or maybe she wouldn’t, since Ragatha was a thing in their relationship now. …Nah, she could come too. He could play nice with her for a little while. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember a time when he and Ol’ Rags had ever actually hung out together. He wasn’t opposed to the idea. Other than Pomni she was probably the least annoying person in the circus. Sure, the overly smiley persona got annoying, but… it was… refreshing now and then. So sure. She could come with. Actually, thinking about it, could she even swim…? He’d never seen her in swimwear. 

…Not a terrible image to conjure up… 

Jax stopped to cough again. If Caine’s idea of an adventure had gotten to the point of just doing manual labor, the future looked bleak. He cringed backwards upon touching the rotten hay on the bottom, wiping his hand on his overalls. He wasn’t digging through that with his hands, Caine could sit and spin. He hocked and spat one more time to futilely try and get some of the grit out of his throat, then began to climb back down the ladder. Maybe the needle was in the hay he’d already thrown onto the floor. Even if it wasn’t, there had to be something down there to help him shovel the-

The pile of rotten hay shifted. Jax froze mid step down the ladder, watching the pile of rancid mush churn about, before a small patch of it slid off the greater mass with an unceremonious plop, revealing-

Revealing a-

Jax: What…?

A single red eye, the size of a beach ball, swiveled around from under the hay. Hateful, malevolent, and all too familiar. It was here. 

Jax automatically put his foot onto the next rung on the ladder, determined to leave Its line of sight and wait until It fell back asleep. His stomach squeezed into a knot when the third rung on the ladder messily snapped in two like a stale loaf of bread. His chin thwacked against the floor of the hayloft and he fell a good ten feet to the barn floor. The hay softened his landing a bit, but not much, and he felt a dull, ringing pain in his chin and lower back. He scrabbled to his feet, slipping a bit on the hay, and risked a glance up at the loft.

Its eyes, burning red like irons left in the hearth, leered down at him. Well, hello, little rabbit. How nice of you to come visit. And just in time, I’m famished…

Jax: I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming! Wake up, wake up! *slaps himself in the face# You got too hot in bed, that’s all, wake UP-

Jax yelled in frustrated terror as It lazily flopped over the edge of the hayloft, sending a shower of rotten straw clumps everywhere. Jax’s eyes darted around the area for anything that might help, something to use as a weapon or that needle where was the needle WHERE WAS THE GODDAMN NEEDLE-

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnnnnn…..

It snarled, peeling back Its lips to reveal Its irregular, shattered glass teeth and blight-blackened gums. Those teeth which hurt so badly in mere dreams were now real, and they could finally shred his skin off as easily as peeling an overripe orange. Jax scurried onto the back of the old tractor, desperate for any sort of high ground, not that it would help. It could do anything to catch him… 

Jax: Caine, this isn’t FUNNY! GET RID OF IT RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

It bellowed at him, and Jax felt nausea lurch in his stomach. The stench of Its breath was like 100-year-old corn cobs and pulverized animal carcasses rotting on a freeway. He felt his breakfast snake back up his gullet and leaned over the side of the tractor to vomit, a stream of black sludge with a rainbow sheen, like an oil slick. He could have sworn he heard It snort in amusement. “Poor thing, whatever will you do when you’re inside my mouth? Well, don’t worry, you won’t have to put up with it for long after I gnaw your head off and slurp your spine through your neck.”

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnn… CHRRR! 

It lunged for him, missing his leg by centimeters and plunging Its teeth into the left tire of the tractor. Air rushed out of it in an alarmed hiss and Jax fell backwards over the driver’s seat, his head colliding with the steering wheel. Through the smeary lights now dancing in his vision, he saw It pull Its teeth from the tire, air spouting out of it with an almost relieved sigh as the tractor sagged to the left. Jax dimly groped around for the steering wheel so he could hoist himself up before It lunged for him again. His hand slid across the dashboard, accidentally clicking a few powerless switches, and his glove nearly slipped when it ran over the slick, circular face of the odometer. 

Odometer. Something was important about the odome- 

This hesitation, coupled with the haze of hitting his head, led to him being unprepared for Its next attack. He jerked upwards a moment too late as It pounced for him, successfully plunging Its front teeth several inches into his right foot. Jax screamed, his voice raspy from the dusty air. In his dreams, this was where it ended. Once It had him, there was no escape. It would eat him now, immediately chewing him into a wet and mushy wad or worse, take Its time, snapping off his arms and legs first and saving his head for last so the pain lasted as long as possible- 

But… this wasn’t a dream. He wasn’t paralyzed in his bed by sleep. He could move. He could survive. If he didn’t survive, they would never go swimming. He couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted something. He wanted to go swimming. He was going to go swimming. 

Jax: What big teeth you have…! *hoists himself up so he can reach Its mouth and punches one of Its misshapen teeth with all his strength*

It let out a garbled roar of pain and surprise, Its tooth snapping inwards at an odd angle, rotten fluid dribbling out of the partially exposed socket. It let go of Jax’s foot to recoil, shaking Its head around violently. Had It ever actually felt pain before..? No, It couldn’t have. It was against the rules!

Jax looked at the bloodless hole It had left in the middle of his foot. Light shone right through it, and it sparked and stuttered with a glitchy shimmer. Caine’s creations weren’t supposed to hurt them this badly, anything beyond typical “stars and birdies” cartoon nonsense. That could wait, though, he had an opening. 

Jax risked a quick glance at the odometer. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt that it was somehow important. The faceplate was marred and scratchy, so he could barely see the numbers or needle- 

Needle. Of course. 

Jax elbowed the faceplate, shattering it like sugar glass. He glanced back at It, which was still reeling from Its sudden dental luxation, and he stuck his hand into the odometer. Sure enough, he retrieved a long, thin silver key from inside, a fragile little thing no thicker than a sewing needle. 

Rowstalker: GNNNNCCHHHHH!

It made a full bodied lunge for Jax, the rabbit diving off the tractor and belly flopping onto the straw covered floor. The needle-key skittered across the floor and vanished into the hay.

Jax: Nononono-NO! 

Jax attempted to stand but cried out. The massive hole in his foot flared with pain as he tried to put weight on it, jolting with glitchy after-effects as he fell back onto the floor. He glanced over his shoulder and saw It climbing around on the now upturned tractor, no doubt priming Itself to pounce. He frantically climbed forward and sifted through the hay, rotten and fresh, to find the key. A faint glint in a small pile up ahead, there it was! Jax lurched forward and gripped the key, just in time for It to leap off Its perch and land right on top of him. 

Its body was crushingly heavy and Its skin was clammy and squamous, like a reptile or worm, but nauseatingly hot at the same time. It reared back and opened Its vile maw, infected drool, rancid corn juice and a few fat cutworms raining down on Jax’s face. It lunged forward, intent on closing Its jaws around Jax’s upper half, pulling it right off of his hips with one vicious tug. Jax, yelling right back at the creature, swung his left hand, clenched around the needle key, right at one of It’s bloated, scarlet eyes. 

There was a noise like a straw being jabbed through a plastic lid, and It stopped moving. Its maw hung agape in shock. Jax clutched the key, the blade wedged into Its right eye all the way up to the bow. Without a second thought, he cranked his wrist, cutting through the vitreous humor with a fetid, wet squelch. 

It yowled in agony as crimson jelly gushed out of its eye. It wasn’t supposed to feel pain! That’s not allowed! That’s-

Jax, using his uninjured left foot, pushed The Rowstalker off of him with all of his adrenal strength. It tumbled off of him with remarkable ease, still trying in vain to process the amount of pain It was experiencing. It thrashed about on the floor, red phlegm-like goo pouring from Its eye. Jax limped to the exit door, sliding in the needle key with a rather nauseating squishy noise, not bothering to look behind him as he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving him in utter darkness. There was the click of an automatic lock. It couldn’t reach him now. 

He… beat It. 

He slumped against the door. He panted hard and fast for a good five minutes. His foot bloomed with horrible pain, and he grasped it weakly. He probably couldn’t walk on it until Caine fixed him. Caine.

Oh, he was gonna KILL Caine… Later. 

Another door opened across the way, beaming a shaft of light across the dark area. Jax tried to scramble to his feet, but found himself unable to on account of the enormous gaping hole in his foot and how achingly tired he was. Pomni: …Jax? Is that you..? Oh my God, what happened?!

Jax relaxed and fell back onto his butt. Pomni. Pomni and someone else. But Pomni most importantly. His eyes hurt. 

Ragatha: Jax, your foot..! Wh-How did th- a- *coughs, covers her mouth and nose* Oh, you reek! Did you roll around in compost?! 

Jax: Speak for yourself, Rags.  The response came automatically, along with his usual cheeky grin, but it was shaky with  exhaustion. Pomni approached him and gave him a hug, although she held her breath as she did so. Jax savored the hug. Sure, they probably weren’t safe yet. But… he had fought off his worst nightmare. And it was thanks to her. He was… really tired. 

Jax: …I love you guys.

Jax closed his eyes.

[funkyyusername]

imagine, last life. you join a death game because of your husband. you gain allies. you even gain a guard dog. fun! everything is perfect until one of your allies betrays another. you alliance is now broken and beyond repair. your ex ally decides to burn YOUR base in revenge. you didn’t even do anything! it wasn’t fair. and then bam! fell into a stupid trap and becomes red. the last allies you had run away from you. the guard dog who promised undying loyalty leaves you. alone. whatever, you’ll just write a revenge book of everyone who’s wronged you. its going pretty well! maybe being a red name isn’t so bad. and then bam! your life ended by someone like you. a red name. a red name killed you. and not even in some heroic fight. he just came out of nowhere and killed you

limited life. why are you here again? you were pulled out of your slumber and now are stuck in someone else’s body. you don’t even know what’s going on. then all of a sudden someone pushes a button and you die. what a start. and then its time for the boogeyman to be chosen. oh no. you remember this. you pray and pray to not be boogeyman. surely out of everyone here the chances of you getting boogeyman is slim right? and yet you got boogeyman. you still have no idea whats going on. everyone but your husband is calling you by a different name. just play along with it. you kill grian to cure yourself of the boogeyman and thats it. the session ends and thats it. you can rest again

and then fucking secret life you are violently awaken from your slumber again and pulled to another game. sure okay. whatever. just make yourself a cute little pumpkin house. thats easy. thats fun. whats that you have other stuff too? task. easy! you finish your first task like that. write a lovely and oh so romantic love poem to your lovely husband. how easy, surely all these task should be easy, right? no. out of all the task you get, you only complete two. thats fine. whatever. it doesn’t even matter that much. one of your task involves having everyone sleep through the night. you could have a party! sure you don’t have any friends or allies but surely people are up for a good party. invite everyone to the end, surely they will come. but no one came. oh. well the end is pretty dangerous, lets just have a nice and peaceful slumber party. you make bunks for everyone and make a cake to be shared. again you invite everyone to your slumber party. surely this time everyone will come this time. except they didn’t. the only person who came to your slumber party was your husband. everyone else either didn’t show up at all, or was late. that darn scar came to your SLUMBER party late and ate your cake! you never even got to eat a slice. so in your self pity you decide to cheer yourself up by riding on your skeleton horse while invisible. that was fun. until you were killed. again. by a red name. but whatever, now you can get revenge on everyone who wronged you. except you can’t. your first red task everyone avoids you. the only person who falls for your trap was the only person who came to your party. the only person whos been by your side. as an apology task he gives you the task of killing someone. scott smajor. he showed up to your party late so you didn’t mind. in fact you came up with an idea on how to kill him. after completing your second task you skip along to scott with a happy smile and ask him to follow you to the end. he does. you try to trick him, but it doesn’t work. so instead you try to push him off yourself. failed again. how embarrassing. this day couldn’t get any worse. except it can. an enderman runs at you and pushes you off the cliff. into the void. you try to save yourself but it doesn’t work. you died as you lived. alone. you didn’t even get to officially success your second task. and no one even noticed your death. no one but your husband grieved your death. your death is celebrated because you broke someone’s stupid curse. even in death you were in someone else’s shadow. with no friends to grieve your death, or even any enemies to be glad about your death, you die. alone and forgotten.

[filth-burps-writing]

T-shirt

This is inspired by a real conversation me and my girlfriend had. First person POV.

It had been a long three hours. Dance class all day tends to lead to three things; a ravenous appetite, being drenched in sweat and being weirdly horny. Luckily unlike most days my girlfriend was waiting for me when I got home. One week of a parent-free house too. As I stretched and massaged my rubber legs I thought about how I’d be twice as exhausted once the day was over- but plenty energised for antics. I suddenly came up with a bright idea. I whipped out my phone to text her immediately;

“Hey babe. My shirt probably already stinks. If I make it worse on purpose would you wear it tonight?😈”

“Oh my God yes I would love to. Mark me with your scent. I want to be second grossest person in the supermarket tonight.🥰”

Perfect. Four more hours of dance. Now the shirt is sticking to skin all over. But the sweating time wasn’t over. I head to the student gym and hit arm day a little hard than usual. Arousal is the best motivator. Then I have a little pre-dinner at a coffee shop; broccoli Mac and cheese, an americano and a slice of chocolate cake. I love any excuse to eat but this time I’m on a mission. Make myself fart.

Once I’m off the bus I walk home in a cloud of joy. I’m a simple,slobby dude; I like food, sex, being gross and gross people. As I get to the door I grin wildly. My sweet girlfriend answers the door. As per usual she looks stunning. I kiss her on the cheek and say; “ it’s been a long day but I’m willing to make it twice as long for you.”She frets over me and compliments me, as I babble on about all the dumb shit I thought about to pass the time. Mid sentence a small burp falls out of her lips. It sounds so normal these days. I can’t help but shower her with compliments though. Especially with the snack packages I can see on the table. My plan needs to be executed though. I excuse myself to upstairs.

Perfect. I can hear my stomach gurgle. I always have a fart brewing but these will reek. I pull my sweaty t-shirt off, screw it up and shove it in my trousers. Then I push down with my hands clasped on my belly. Sure enough I release four massive farts in a row. Deep, bubbly and long directly into the already smelly shirt. I put on a shirt from my “worn once but not too bad” pile then go downstairs to see her stratching her ear while watching TV. Cutie. I say “hey babe you know what I said earlier about my shirt. Well I’ve stunk out this one for you. I hope you enjoy it.” She buries her nose in and stim-whistles a couple of times then puts on the shirt. “Thank you . This feels so cozy.”

“You look cute babe. Walk to the supermarket , wander around to get dinner, get the bus back then eat and fool around with a space documentary on?” “Could we get the bus both ways? I don’t like crossing the big main road.” “Okay country bumpkin we can avoid the horse machines.” “Says the city boy who gets excited every time he sees a cow”

We stand at the bus stop with my arm around her waist and her arm around my shoulders. I am definitely smirking. Sometimes I cannot control the smirk. She looks at me and blushes. Every time she blushes my heart lights up. As we get on the bus a couple of people turn to look. I pull her to the back and we lean on each other as we sit down. No traffic today so it’s only 12 minutes to the bus station. Before I know it we’re picking out discounted fancy pizzas while she talks about peaky blinders. “Can we get some garlic bread as well? And some sour candy?” “It’s your money” “I know but it has to feed us for four more days” “Can we get hummus” “Of course” she gives me a look. I know what that means. That look means I should apply my empathy to myself.

When we get to the frozen aisle an older man is looking at the frozen vegetables. He stares us down, looking for something to comment on. Then his nostrils flare. As I open the door the freezer with the Ben and Jerry’s he spits out “you gen zeds never bathe. Both of you smell awful. It’s anti social. Get your acts together” at my sweet girlfriend. She starts giggling and I start laughing as well. He picks up his bags and walks away. I keep laughing as I pull her in by the waist. “You smell terrible” I kiss her on the mouth. My stomach burbles and feel a bubble shoot up my throat. I turn my head and let out a medium sized burp. I pull back in give her a huge hug. I can feel that she’s nervous but happy I’m happy.

We both go straight to the kitchen when we get home. I open a bag of rainbow belts and place our pizza and garlic bread in oven while she gets a couple of paper plates out of the packet for us. Then she opens her hummus and starts slicing vegetables. I let out another fart as I retrieve the garlic bread and joke “I need to be re-inflated”. I place cheese on and put it back in the oven then hug her from behind and tie her/my shirt so her belly can be seen. I then kiss her on the forehead and start doing a silly dance to pass the time. When we dish up I’m more generous for myself than usual. Then we set ourselves up in the living and I turn on the TV. Then I ask “can I put my hand down your pants while we eat” “yes but let me get comfy” “ok” she pushes her self into the couch corner then places her food in the gap between her legs. I then fumble with her button and zip and push my hand into underwear and pick up a slice of garlic bread. She’s already hard. I look at her quizzically “you were really confident with that old man and I really like wearing your shirt”. We watch the screen as we eat and I touch various parts of her body.

As a supernova fills the screen I polish off my plate and tap her shoulder. She nods then pulls down her jeans and panties. I sit on her lap and put one hand on her clit and the fingers of the other hand in her mouth. Then I get into a rhythm. Mouth-clit-mouth-clit. She makes such fun faces. Eventually I feel a push and release and she moans directly in my ear. I move my two hands towards her belly. It looks cute, round and gassy. I rub gently below her belly button and she lets out her own loud fart. I kiss her face all over and exclaim “such a good gross girl! I love you!” She’s so cute. I collapse into her and we fall asleep on the couch. She’s mine. She smells like me.